How To Stop Walking On Eggshells – Part 1- With Rori Raye And Helena Hart

Helena and Rori

Helena Hart: Rori, I don’t know about you. But I’ve been hearing from a lot of women lately who are dealing with a man who is either confused about what he wants, he’s not ready for a relationship, or maybe there with a guy who’s kind of difficult or wounded or has trust issues.

And the women in this situation tend to walk on eggshells. I certainly know what that feels like.

I’ve been there, myself and my past. I’m sure we can all relate to this. So that’s what we’re gonna be talking about today, this whole concept of walking on eggshells, what it means and how we got started with this and more importantly, Rori is going to share her step by step approach to what to do instead for turning this around.

So I’m really excited to dive into this topic. Rori, what’s the first thing you have to say about this topic of walking on eggshells with a man?

Rori Raye: Oh my gosh, it’s like everything. And let’s see, where should we start? First, let’s just look at ourselves individually.

Go ahead. And I’ll say you look at look at yourself, in your experience.

Do you walk on eggshells with everyone? Not just him.

But sort of your mother, you know, she’s sensitive. You know, she doesn’t like criticism. So you’re very careful how you put your words together with her. And you never feel like you build a real relationship with her because you’re always so careful.

Or you don’t want to cross somebody in your family, a male member of your family who feels differently about a lot of things than you do. And you don’t want to share your private life with them. Because you’re afraid that they’re going to tell you what to do or, or get defensive or feel like you’re telling them they did a bad job raising you.

So you’re very, super careful about those words, even careful with your girlfriend, you don’t want to tell her about her hairdo or anything like that.

So all of those things.

And then with your man, you really don’t want to do something he suggests or you really need help with something where you really feel lonely or you need more connection with him.

And instead of asking for that directly, we beat around the bush right?

We try and hint and we don’t get we want to we make we feel worse.

And then we just keep sidestepping it with him every time we try.

We’re afraid of the reaction we’re going to get.

…Maybe you’re a different kind of woman…maybe you’re the woman who disputes all the time. You start arguments about politics, you don’t let anybody belittle you. you’re very vocal and and you’ll tell a guy what’s going wrong right away.

But you’re also feeling uncomfortable about at all you’re angry with him.

This could be construed as you know, one way is better than the other but really, let’s just look at it.

Both are ways we keep ourselves from feeling emotionally intimate with anyone.

Helena Hart: As you’re speaking Rori. I definitely relate to the First type of person, the walk on eggshells person, I’m so sensitive. And I think you are too… I think a lot of people who are drawn to this work can relate to that.

I’m so sensitive, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

And so I’m much more tentative. And I tend to hold things inside.

That’s my instinct is just kind of hold it inside and turn it inward on myself often. I don’t know if you can relate to that. I’m definitely more of that first type of person who tends to walk on eggshells.

And occasionally in my life, I have felt that I was rude. I’m afraid of being rude.

And that actually was rude.

Because when I wasn’t walking on eggshells, I accidentally or while I was walking on eggshells, I accidentally still said the wrong thing.

It was taken as not what they wanted to hear. And it still wasn’t the truth for me to relate to that at all.

I’m checking in with the chat as well, I see someone who says, I walk on eggshells with people who I know I can’t share all of myself, Angela says tend to keep quiet or walk on eggshells.

For me, it’s like that feeling doesn’t go anywhere. It kind of festers inside me, it doesn’t just go away, right?

Rori Raye: Yes. All right. Well, let me turn all of this discussion on its head, as I like to do.

So instead of going, Oh, that’s so wrong. I walk on eggshells, oh, I’m hiding myself all that instead of judging yourself in that kind of way of expressing yourself or not expressing yourself, let’s look at it in a different way.

If you were super smart, and super confident, because you already are.

But you know, you felt that way you believed you were, you would look at it differently, you wouldn’t think I’m walking on eggshells, you would think:

I am using my words carefully. I am expressing myself in a way that is heard by the other person and appreciated and helps build us a way to communicate where we feel safe with each other, and begin to communicate more deeply.

Same thing with him. So we kind of get my drift. In other words, it’s not how we are communicating or the words necessarily you’re using.

If you’re always saying, Oh, what a beautiful dress. Oh, I love your hair, you know, and that to you is walking on eggshells, or Oh, nothing’s bothering me.

That to us sounds like walking on eggshells, or what have you just said, you know, I could tell that this was not a good time to have that discussion. And I didn’t have my words ready.

And I didn’t really know what I wanted. So I just kind of put it on hold for a moment.

So let’s work at it from here.

If you look back on the way you relate to a person, any person – not just your man, or a man, or your date, or somebody at a party.

But anyone.

Let’s look at what is going on underneath and what your intention is and what the heck it is you want to say, and what what is it you want out of that moment?

The thing that’s making you proceed in that direction?

And could it possibly just be being smart? Could it possibly just be?

I don’t want to be in that with this person. And so I’m just gonna be warm and friendly.

Could it be all kinds of things other than I’m doing this wrong?

So the way it would look like is: I know my mother is sensitive. And so I deliberately don’t want to bring up subjects that, you know, are just going to be abrasive and make her feel nervous.

In other words, why would I bring those things up?

Why would I question my desire to not bring those things up?

Why would I bring up politics?

Because I want to create abrasion.

Somewhere inside of me, I want to mess things up! Like a wrecking ball!

Why would I do that?

That doesn’t make any sense either.

So it’s not just your choices about what you’re going to talk about what you’re going to say to her, it’s how it feels inside.

The next How-To parts of this Walking On Eggshell Solution will all be connected for you as soon as they’re published!

Love, Rori

 

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