Has this happened to you…?
A man you’re with – or even just “around…” does something clueless, insensitive or even irresponsible – and though you’re boiling with anger, you try to hold it in?
And it all feels horrible – the anger itself, and the pain of holding it so tight inside?
Or maybe you just blurt it out – let him have it because on some level he deserves it – and then that leads to an actual “fight,” bad feelings (about him, and about yourself, too…), defending, hurtful words and more pain?
The worst is that, because whenever this happens, it seems to almost always turn out poorly – so you never get the results you want?
Well, you’re not alone.
You can get so much new and powerful information, “Scripts,” instructions and insights from a great coach who’s also a MAN – my husband, Jeffrey Mark Levine! After the one-time-only “How To Talk To A Man Masterclass” Jeffrey and I did together last year together, I asked him to write a book for you – and he did! You can pick up your copy of the How To Talk to A Man ebook here->
Jeffrey’s an executive coach and a non-violent-communication specialist. He’s used to helping business partners solve communication problems that can cost them millions.
He’s used to helping women find their power in a workplace setting that’s institutionally set up for them to fail, and he’s used to helping his individual clients find the real feelings, motivations and frustrations that are holding them back from everything they want.
For our How To Talk To A Man Masterclass, we laid bare how we communicate in our marriage, what we do when things are going “south” in any moment, how we repair “damage,” and how we continually and thoroughly instill real safety, intimacy and trust – and he shares the basis for all of it in the How To Talk To A Man ebook.
I know I’m married to a great man. He’s got skills. I don’t ever have to “ask” how he feels about me, I just know he loves me. It’s clear. It’s obvious how committed he is to, not only our relationship – but to my personal happiness. I’m lucky.
You’ll get insights from Jeffrey you can’t really get anywhere else. You’ll hear, from a good man, what a good man looks like – and how to improve things with a man you have, or want to have.
He’s pretty straight-forward about you “choosing what you believe you deserve” – and gives you a fast, unvarnished sense of what you can “fix” in a man, and what you should just walk away from->
Sometimes, when you have emotions and needs that aren’t being cared for, for whatever reason, trying to talk with a man is so incredibly frustrating.
No matter what you try, it always seems to lead to triggering his anger and his defensiveness – and leaves you feeling even worse.
And if you have kids around, you get extra added guilt ladled on top for making them feel uncomfortable or scared.
Still, you may be hearing your friends tell you to stand up for yourself: “Don’t hold it in – it’ll only get worse.”
Or maybe the advice you’re getting is to keep it to yourself, at least until later, until you’re calmer.
The theory goes: if enough time goes by, it might not seem so important later.
And the most frustrating thing about this is that these seem like the only two options.
You can either confront him now, or postpone confronting him. And so far, neither of these techniques have
We’ll the good news is, you’re right. These two techniques DON’T work.
In fact, if you continue to use them, you’ll continue to bounce between anger, frustration, fear and disappointment.
And you’ll continue to bang your head against the wall and not get the results you want.
Why? Because each of these two techniques actually create new problems of their own.
These techniques create defensiveness, fear, and just plain yucky feelings.
The bottom line of this problem is the thing so many of us women have been taught to do: to assume it’s better to put a “good face” on it now, for the sake of anyone else but you – the kids, the family, the relationship, the event.
How often have you been told to “put a lid on it”?
I think we all have.
I believe most of civilization has been created to help men get their anger out – and to teach women to “put a lid on it.”
No matter how much we all publicly admire a strong, heroic woman – the moment anger, frustration and “what we want” come out “sideways” in a personal relationship, everyone around wants to “shut it down.”
Putting on a good face never works.
The big reason is: it’s dishonest!
We absolutely don’t mean to be dishonest. And yet, much of the time it feels like the only “way to go.”
What about the other option? What if you decide to yell at a man as soon as he walks in the door? Or even just attempt to “bring up the problem…?” How does this usually work?
Usually this ends up leaving everyone feeling bad. We might say things we don’t mean. It might lead to name-calling, blaming and belittling – even if we never meant it to go like that.
The thing that so many of us women know, but forget, is that men, when blamed, or accused, will shut down.
And it always makes everyone feel terrible.
So how do you avoid that, while still getting your point across – and getting the RESULT you want?
The key to handling your anger effectively in the moment is to NOT ignore it, delay it, or spew it. It’s to LET IT OUT, respectfully, clearly.
And – you now have a coach, who’s also a MAN – my husband, Jeffrey Mark Levine – to help you with this!
When Jeffrey says: “It’s taken me many years of angry exchanges and days of bad feelings with my wife to discover the secret to how to work through these issues. You can use what I’ve learned to turn things around for your own relationship, right now, regardless of how many bad feelings there seem to be in the moment…” it’s a MAN talking.
Jeffrey has a much simpler, more straight-forward way of talking about even “Crucial Conversations” (his specialty as an executive coach), than most of us women.
Where we women often have a complex pattern of stuffing, hiding, spewing and sharing our deep and intense emotional selves – men have been taught to steer as far away from their own emotions as possible.
The amazing things Jeffrey has to share has so much to do with how a man actually “craves” the emotionality he’s mostly been denied his whole life – but can only appreciate it from us (or even tolerate it) in certain ways.
Jeffrey lays those out for you.
You’ll learn how to break down old, destructive communication “habits” that’re keeping you from a real connection with a man.
You’ll learn the truth of how a man can truly hear you, in a way that shifts how he speaks to you and the way he treats you…
You’ll learn steps to help you express your anger, your disappointment or your disapproval in a way that doesn’t make the matter worse…eliminating many of the conflicts you’re experiencing.
You’ll FEEL better because you’ll gain confidence and self-esteem with simple tools.
The idea is to never again have to lie about how you’re really feeling or “stuff down” your anger and disappointment (which confuses him, and pushes him away, anyway!).
And – you’ll get to see what it’s like for me to walk my own talk (this is the first time Jeffrey has surfaced publicly beside me in all my years of teaching and coaching – so you’ll have a special window into my own Sirenity).