How To Tell If He’s Worthy Of A Second Date

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bobbi palmerI just saw this from Bobbi Palmer and think it’s profound and helpful…:


Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Miss Bells on January 4, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    I’m first!!

  2.  #2Miss Bells on January 4, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    I just went and got my hair trimmed and a blow out.

    HS has been courting me, but I KNOW he is still cruising Match.

    There is a big all day live musical event up his way tomorrow. He knows I am attending. He will be as well.

    He emailed me saying that if I want to come to his house and stay so I don’t have to drive I “would be MORE than welcome.”

    Instead–I feel it is time to LEAN WAY BACK.
    I will show up looking ravishing, then leave a bit early.

    If he reiterates his offer I will say “It would feel so good to get a DINNER invitation, but right now I have plans. Thanks so much for asking… then a kiss and a wave goodbye. He always kisses me on the lips when we meet or part.

    What do the sirens think?

  3.  #3Starla on January 4, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    yay miss bells i feel happy for some reason that you got to be first hehe

  4.  #4Smile on January 4, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    I shall continue to share my happiness on this new thread!!

  5.  #5Smile on January 4, 2013 at 1:30 pm




    Thank you, More please!!

  6.  #6Smile on January 4, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    This dating brings in a few negative vibes for me sometimes, and now I recognise them so I’m like… See ya negative vibes! Out my head, move on!

  7.  #7MovingMagic on January 4, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I have dated so many edgy men. Which might say something about me & my edges. I like a little mystery…but would much rather fall in love with lifes mysteries these days.

  8.  #8Mercedes on January 4, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Miss Bells: I like your rockstar vibe I’m getting from your post and not staying at his place right now, etc. Sounds like you know what you want and will wait for it. 🙂 One thing I would do different if it were me is that I wouldn’t leave early unless that’s truly what I wanted to do. A live musical event sounds fun and I wouldn’t rush to get out of there or say I had plans unless I really did have other plans.

    Much Love,

  9.  #9MovingMagic on January 4, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Hmmm…Mercedes, when you were working on yourself, & possibly leaving J in the dust did you feel like all of your actions had to be intentional? Like not initiating/dating other men, & wearing heels just to go grocery shopping?

  10.  #10Miss Bells on January 4, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Yeah—I know…
    And there will be a LOT of my peeps there, men and women both.
    I just got my hair done, and will be wearing a lovely navy blue wrap dress and charcoal gray high heeled booties. + a good day to evening make-up look. Don’t want to waste it;-D

  11.  #11Mercedes on January 4, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    Moving Magic: At first, yes. I had to force myself to get out of bed and dry the tears and move on with my life. Slowly that all started coming much more naturally but in the beginning, pretty much everything I did was intention with the goal of moving away from him and moving on. If I left it up to what came naturally, I would have starved and cried myself to death (or at least it felt that way at the time).

    Much Love,

  12.  #12Mercedes on January 4, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Oh…and it was also intentional with the goal of getting my self-esteem back. I knew I had to start feeling good about how I looked and how I felt and that I could still be attractive to men, etc because my ego took a HUGE blow. Yeah…looking back…I did so many things on purpose with the intention of NOT letting him ruin me. Sounds so silly now but it sure did help at the time. 🙂

    Much Love,

  13.  #13Mercedes on January 4, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    Miss Bells: Right! No wasting high heeled booties!!! That’s for SURE!! 🙂

    Much Love,

  14.  #14MovingMagic on January 4, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    I’m in a similar place. I’ve walked away from a relationship with a man I love. I don’t know how to wait patiently for him to make the changes he knows he needs to make…(yes, he has stated that he wants to make them, but actions speak louder than words to me) So I’m making it my intention to take care of *me* . Taking life one second/minute/hour/day at a time.

  15.  #15Mercedes on January 4, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    MovingMagic: It’s so hard but so important to focus on ourselves. If we don’t reach the place where we can love ourselves and tell the world how awesome and happy and crazy wonderful we are, who will? (well, my notes from the universe tell me how great I am everyday but that doesn’t count). 🙂

    As I said, it sounds so silly now that I was putting so much effort into all that but the only reason it sounds silly is because now it is much more natural. I still wear high heels to the grocery store most times but to be fair, I wear high heels pretty much every day as it is because I’m short and I feel more comfortable a little taller. But now, I have my lazy days and put on the sweats and t-shirt and curl up next to J on the couch for a movie. Now, I feel attractive and I don’t have to be all fixed up to feel that way but at the time, I had to work at it.

    Anyway…I know how hard it is to walk away from someone you love and my heart goes out to you. There’s no need to patiently wait. You can move along with your life and he can catch up when he’s ready. One second/minute/hour/day at a time is the way to move ahead.

    you are in my thoughts…

    Much Love,

  16.  #16Mel on January 4, 2013 at 2:51 pm


    Great to read such magical news from Jilly and Starla! I feel smiley reading it. 🙂

    I’m feeling rather lonely and redundant on here lately though, so considering whether it’s time to move on…

    I’m also feeling hungry, so perhaps taking care of that immediate need will cure the other rumblings.

    Yes… I often feel grumpy when I’m hungry.

  17.  #17Sassy on January 4, 2013 at 2:55 pm


    Thank you for answering Lori’s question about posting on the new thread.

  18.  #18Sassy on January 4, 2013 at 2:57 pm


    Nooooooo you can’t go! I was literally thinking about you earlier today, wondering if we were going to see a new happy post.
    I know we’re all entitle to our grumpies! Please stay.

  19.  #19Sassy on January 4, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    A few threads back, I had posted on the end of a blog post (not knowing it was going to switch) that I feel so positive about this year being my happiest, most prosperous, most successful in my businesses, and here we are, 4 days into the new year, and already received some big checks and info from one of my docs that he’s opening a satellite office and wants me to do what I do for the current office, in the new one!! Yayyyy me and my manifesting….

    Woohoo, now I gotta manifest a good male in my life.

  20.  #20Mercedes on January 4, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    Sassy: I didn’t know if you’d be back there or not so answered for you…hope that’s all good. I sometimes wonder if anyone will see questions after the new post comes up so I just answered her quick. You sound awesome by the way! My year is going to be fantastic too!!!!

    Much Love,

  21.  #21Miss Bells on January 4, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Mercedes–I believe that this story with HS could still have a happy ending.
    But it will take time and a lot of work.
    I am all about SLOWWW right now.

  22.  #22Senior Lady Vibe on January 4, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    @Bobbi Palmer says::

    “How to Tell if He is Second Date Worthy”

    “…In these men she saw worthy qualities that could possibly mean they’d be great partners. That meant possible future butterflies, so she gave them a chance….”
    I like the idea of “future butterflies.” This gives hope for guys who on first dates might present as rather “wormy” and slow.


  23.  #23Smile on January 4, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    I love the idea of romancing myself 🙂

    Romance is a skill and a talent – and it requires effort – so Romance is a “boy” thing.  That’s why it feels so awful to us when it’s not coming at us, and we’re left to try to think of how to do romance ourselves.

    So – try this – write out and imagine what you can do to be romantic for YOURSELF (forget about him).

    Use your boy energy to create as much romance around yourself as possible – just flood your girl self with romantic ways to dress, to put on makeup, listen to music that makes you feel romantic about YOU.

    Ways to walk, to dance in your living room by yourself, belly dancing, whatever makes you feel romantic.

    Clean out your drawers so your bedroom feels as Romantic as possible – every time you’re in it, every time you sink into the bed, every time you even think about your bedroom.

    Make your kitchen Romantic – the foods you like, the cleanliness level you feel romantic about – cozy and messy, or crystal clear – colors and shapes.

    Walk around your entire environment, your work space, your closet, your desk – and declutter NOT to get “organized” – but to fill your space with things that Romance YOU!

    Just like everything else in the Rori Raye Toolbox, getting into the space you want to be, feeling what you want to feel, following those good feelings and impulses, works to bring a man IN to your Romantic space.  And when he gets there – he WANTS to be there.  It feels good to HIM, because it feels good to YOU.

    And you didn’t have to TELL him anything!

    I’m going to do this today right along with you – let’s all get our “boy energy” in gear to service our “girl energy” – and remember to continually switch hats – that will look like – use your boy energy to decide what to tackle, make a list if you like, and go into ACTION to begin moving things, sorting things, putting the music on, running the bath, buying the perfume… then, use your girl energy to FEEL your way through it.

    In other words – I want you to FEEL what feels Romantic, and to instinctively DO what FEELS GOOD.

    Just keep going like this.  Get moving with your boy energy, get thinking, deciding, arranging – and use your girl energy to FEEL Romantic while you’re doing it.

    It’s a great way to practice switching hats, and a great way to get a terrific result for yourself.

    Let me know how it works for you, and how it effects your love life, perhaps the man and relationship you may be in right now.  Let me know if he starts to feel compelled to get romantic WITH you.

    I know this works for me…so let’s do this together.  (I’m going to tackle my drawers, my closet, my makeup and my music this weekend, and dance for myself…yeah, well as much of this as FEELS GOOD…)

    Love Rori

  24.  #24Smile on January 4, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    Romancing myself makes me want to float around and sing
    Tra la di, tra la da, tra la di…!

  25.  #25Sassy on January 4, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Absolutely, it’s all good!!! Appreciate it

  26.  #26Lori on January 4, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    Hi ladies, I’ve been reading, listening, thinking and examining a lot the last couple of days. The light has come on a lot. First, I’m really getting how HE is feeling because I’m realizing that I feel the same. Neither of us know what it’s like to NOT be in a relationship. I’ve been married most of my life. I think I just didn’t know that it was okay for me to not be in one. It’s not that I’ve stopped how I feel about him. It’s just that I feel like I need a break to be me, to have freedom, to explore new things and me!

    I’m looking forward to our talk on Tuesday and plan on being in a good place. I feel really good. I want him, I do. But I realize that I need to have time to myself first. I didn’t quite get it when he said it but I certainly am now.

  27.  #27Tam on January 4, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    Urgh, just had a fun happy hour with my friends and then this really cute pic of Curly and me on NY eve turns up, him with reading glasses, looking very respectable and cute, like some professor.
    Oh well, he is not a professor and too many red flags, nevermind, got to move on.
    Had a fab eve though!!
    Onwards and upwards 🙂

  28.  #28MovingMagic on January 4, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    Thank you Mercedes. I have created such an amazing, & inspiring life for myself. Tonight I went to a dance celebration in Manhattan. It was held at a Capoeira studio. We danced different styles of Samba to live drumming. It was amazing!! I’ve been told more than once recently that I don’t recognize my own power as a woman. I feel like that needs to be my intention for this year.

  29.  #29Silver-Tongued Siren on January 4, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    Well, I have been looking everywhere for a place to live.. nearly impossible under my current circumstances.. haven’t come up with anything over the entire month and this is my last wknd at home. I have a friend who is letting me stay in one of his rental homes for a few weeks in exchange for some work. I have VERY little money and have no idea how I will attain a place to live in these circumstances.

    … having a really hard time emotionally. this is one of my last few nights I am freely allowed to be in my home.. this is going to be traumatic for the little one (2yo). he cries every time his sister and papa MILW leave as it is!- hes been traumatized ever since MILW “moved out” for 8 weeks last january. ….. he has begun having overnights with Bio-dad, and that paired with losing his family, instability, new location, are not going to help.

    I feel like crying, I am constantly and quickly shifting between faithful and depressed, and feeling very foggy and kind of zoned out sometimes. I feel like telling MILW how much I love him and things I love about us.

    I am feeling .. so closed to him so often.. because of his ups and downs.. he comes around and is terrifically nice and loving and sweet, then later very cold. I do my best to be open when he approaches me with a good attitude. things have been very tense the last couple of weeks though, and he has been very up and down the last few months.

    … these five years we’ve been together, there has been a lot of behavior I’ve been confused by. I was always very baffled, tried to understand, discuss, analyze what was going on.

    none of it made real sense until I started reading things about bipolar/personality disorders. the comments from people with spouses who have this.. it could have been me writing.

  30.  #30Jilly on January 4, 2013 at 9:06 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    I wanted to come back and say THANK YOU for all the congratulations and well wishes!! I feel happy, and supported reading those. 🙂 🙂

  31.  #31Vi on January 4, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    I uncovered a belief ‘men are unreliable’. I want to heal this judgement. I love this judgement of mine. I love my feeling of clenched teeth. I love my teeth. I love my jaw. I love my tight jaw. I love feeling of tightness in my fists and in the back and around armpits. I love my tightness. I feel fear. I love my fear. I feel scared. I feel off balance. I love my off balance feeling. This belief feels like my body is covered with many hurting and round open wounds. I love my hurting round open wounds… Acknowledging them feels relaxing in a way… It feels like relaxed face and calmness.. I love my round open wounds. Who said those wounds have been made by ‘unreliable men’? I have no idea… What if it was something else..? or what if those wounds are not even mine?.. What if I could heal those wounds? … Like a cat with nine lives.. I feel like a cat with nine lives. I feel capable to land on all my paws, lick my wounds and move on. I feel purr and I feel soft too.

  32.  #32Memulo on January 4, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    DrCD apologized about last night and I was teasing him. He said – I will never make you feel this way again and it was so easy for me to laugh and say – no, you’re not. Not happening! Because it’s not. If Im ever put in this position I will get up and go.

  33.  #33Memulo on January 4, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    Why, why was I so not savy with SmartCD.. I was different. I miss him. I believe now I could handle him alright. Which probably means getting up and going

  34.  #34Memulo on January 4, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    Starla, if you want to hear about weekend plans earlier in the week you can say it. You can say anything.

    You know what I figured.. and it may not be relevant to your past situation. But for mine it is, I realize this now: guys who skip weekends are commitmentphobics who test you. If you take it they apply a stronger offense. Theres no other way. If you take it they escalate. They almost wait for you to slap their fingers when they take it from you, poor things.

  35.  #35Memulo on January 4, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    Someone said on the prior thread – they make sexist comments about women lawyers -YES they do. Lawyers and judges and you feel how they dint like women.. how they feel good if a woman is in pain. I can’t explain it but I felt it. I didn’t want to admit it.

  36.  #36Vi on January 4, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    I feel afraid to heal this belief. I think I am gonna be ostracized or beaten first and then ostracized. I feel afraid and guilty. I love my fear I love my guilt. I feel not okay about myself to have this belief. I feel not okay about myself not to have it. I love my feeling not okay about myself. I feel anxious. I love my pattern to feel not okay about myself . I love when it shows up – I can heal it with my love when it does, and it feels good. Now I feel uninterested to return to thinking and feeling through my beliefs and judgements.

  37.  #37Tereana on January 4, 2013 at 11:36 pm

    I should have known there was a new thread up!

    I’ve just made up a new acronym – NAGG, which stands for Not a Good Guy.

    It came to me while I was thinking of Vman.

    Because I realized, after I dropped the L-word to him, that that was me THEN that had those feelings for him. And objectively speaking, he was Not a Good Guy to me then, and he’s not particularly good to me now. In some ways, he’s even worse. But his disrespectful qualities were actually the thing that was triggering my feelings of love and longing and attachment for him. Weird as that may seem.

    But also, the big part of this when I realized that that was the level that I was at at the time. That bad treatment was where I felt “met” and so it was comforting to me (even though I hated it then, too). But that’s not where I am right now. Right now, I find his behavior intolerable. Now that I’ve let the feelings “out” I don’t have them anymore. I can see and feel how icky it is to have any contact with him, and it feels gross to even think of him touching me.

    In contrast, I can see and feel how GOOD it feels when a man who has strength of character, and is a strong, positive confident man sees me and compliments me, and makes me feel heard and loved – THAT feels good.

    No one needs to try to get water from a stone.

    And if that’s what I’ve been doing all my life, then I think it’s going to feel much better to get water from a source that actually has what I need…

    And speaking of which, please pray for my financial situation, if you can. I’m doing a lot to really focus on my “abundance consciousness,” and to relax, so that creative solutions can come to me, I’ll take necessary action, and money can flow easily and effortlessly in my direction (and accumulate there!). It’s going to take work on my part to turn it all around completely. But in the immediate, please ask the Universe for this shift to happen in a time that will not leave me stranded!

    I haven’t been abandoned yet. I feel cared for by an abundant Universe…and so it shall be 🙂

    Thank you!!

  38.  #38Smile on January 5, 2013 at 3:23 am

    Oh life, I love you!
    Feeling content and relaxed this morning.
    Feeling smiley all over 🙂

  39.  #39Smile on January 5, 2013 at 3:24 am

    Ooo and I just realised I’m not overly keen on the idea of getting married. Well not having a big wedding for myself. Wow pressure relieving.

  40.  #40k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 3:38 am

    Hey ladies, a pleasant good morning to u. Hope u are feeling fine. I am still in bed and about to get up. Went to bed early last night. I haven’t read the article yet but soon in a little while. I need your help with something relating to a friend. For those of us who have smart phones, have u ever sent an instant message to the wrong person and mentioned something about the person (not necessarily something bad? Let me be specific. A message that was intended for one of my sister’s was sent to my friend in error. Omg. In the message, I mentioned some plans I was making regarding leave from work. I had actually gone somewhere to check out something regarding my leave and I sent an instant message to my sister (so I thought) and was telling her the info that I got. In the message, I mentioned the info I had received re my leave and that I wasn’t going to tell my friend and another friend at work. Only to discover just last night that I sent the message to another friend at work whose name was called in the message. I said,_________ and _______told me that they are going on ________ leave but I am not telling them anything. When I discovered the error last night and told my sister, I wanted to sink. The friend who I sent the message to in error-i am going to see her on Monday at work. How on earth do I deal with this? Imagine u were in my position, what on earth would u do? The friend is a good friend but not very confidential, to be honest so that’s why I said I wasn’t telling her. I shared something VERY PERSONAL with her re an operation I had last year and discovered that she told someone at work my business. She was the ONLY person I told at work, so understandably, I don’t share certain things with her any more. So that’s the reason why I said I wasn’t telling her. Bvut omg! We have to be very careful when using these smartphones. I don’t usually clear chat and if u don’t, u mind get mixed up and send your business to the wrong person. What is your advice on how I should deal with this? Thanks a lot.

  41.  #41Iamabutterfly on January 5, 2013 at 3:47 am

    I feel so overwhelmed.

    I think my guy friend who I didn’t know how I felt about him who ended up getting married really quickly, might still have feelings for me, and I feel so ANGRY at him for rushing into marriage!!

    Especially since I LOVE his wife and she totally opened up to me!

    And I felt such empathy and sympathy and love for her my heart almost burst!

    I never trusted myself in the past, but I have to!!!

    I feel like I have this huge responsibility to trust myself now, because I now see that I have this huge ability and responsibility to help other people with relationship issues.

    Could I have loved my guy friend? Yes. Absolutely. But I never let myself. and that’s okay. That was MY CHOICE.


    I can’t sleep, and I can’t stop thinking about how many people (men, especially) rush into these relationships because they’re lonely, or to get reactions from people they are REALLY in love with, or to fill voids in their lives that ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FILLED BY RELATIONSHIPS WITH MERE HUMANS.

    I wonder how much HEARTACHE, PAIN, AND DIVORCE could be prevented if everyone would just REALIZE this.

    And I’m realizing too, that it is the RESPONSIBILITY OF CONSCIOUS WOMEN.

    Men simply do not have the abilities that we do.

    We truly can HEAL THE WORLD!

    I’m thinking of so many of my friends right now that I need to talk to, who are possibly about to make huge mistakes in their lives because of FEAR or LACK OF COMMUNICATION.

    I feel so full of energy, passion, FIRE , and responsibility right now!

    I have so many people I want to and need to talk to, to be there for, to be that listening ear, that voice of reason that doesn’t really come from me, but from INSIDE THE HEARTS of those I’m listening to…

    Rori, Dominique, so many others…

    You are amazing for helping other women the way you do! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    Let’s keep the dialogue, discussion, and healing going on.

    This is an amazing community!

  42.  #42k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 3:48 am

    “U might get mixed up”, not “ur mind get mixed up.”

  43.  #43k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 3:57 am

    Amazing indeed Lamabutterfly. I have received a lot of good advice from ladies here. Good post u just wrote. I am going to make a comment about something in your post and I hope u don’t mind. I am just pointing out something. “ANGRY at him for rushing into marriage!!”. To tell u the truth Lama, its his decision still. Mind u, I don’t know your story but I just said I would just highlight it to u. He was the one who made the decision to go into marriage still. Do u still have feelings for him? Relationships are confusing at times eh!

  44.  #44Smile on January 5, 2013 at 4:00 am

    K2012, If it were me I would see this as an opportunity to relax my panicky feelings (I’ve felt these lots of time, fear and anxiety ‘oh no’) Then I would practise open honest communication and share with my friend how you feel about it being kept confidential. Making this about you rather her not keeping things confidential. I would share with her too that I would like her not to share the information with anyone. If it were me I would text before I got to work on Monday.

  45.  #45k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 4:52 am

    Smile, thanks for your response but the part that make me want to sink is when I said that she (my friend told me that she had applied for leave and I don’t want her and another named friend to know. How do I deal with that part? Do I don’t say anything about the total message? If she ask me about it, how do I respond? Omg. I am going to have to ensure that I clear chat from now on. My sister cautioned me about it before. Oh gosh.

  46.  #46Iamabutterfly on January 5, 2013 at 4:54 am

    k2012 – Honestly, I don’t know that I’m angry at HIM, necessarily. But I’m definitely angry about other situations in my past, and the situations I’ve seen with some of my friends…


  47.  #47k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 5:01 am

    Smile-correction. “she had applied for leave and I don’t want her and another named friend to know that I had applied for leave.” I said in the message that I am not telling them anything. Oh gosh.

  48.  #48k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 5:09 am

    Ok lamabutterfly I hear u. I know what u mean. Situations that u see friends in maybe like abusive relationship and other stuff. Ok I see what u mean.

  49.  #49Vi on January 5, 2013 at 5:22 am

    My mind is actively searching where my partner is abandoning me (even his voice intonation is being checked).. I love my mind, I love my patterns – I keep telling myself and he holds me even tighter. I love my belief system which says it is impossible not to abandon me and if a man does not he must be wrong and doesn’t care and is worthy leaving. I love my practice to make it all about me and feel and love my patterns through and practice no judgements attitude. Sigh. I am doing great.

  50.  #50Emerson on January 5, 2013 at 5:23 am

    24 smile yay!
    I realize I used to romance me all the time I realize…. I need to start doing that again!

    Vi I share the same belief that men are unreliable…. I’ve been “let down” abandoned ….how can I cancel this belief ?Emerson you can….how by making those men irrelevant ? Is that true though?

    Well blueCD has poofed after coming on so strong via text calling etc… But whatever it is his loss….

  51.  #51Iamabutterfly on January 5, 2013 at 5:43 am

    I just got so triggered and angry over something over the stupid internet, and I made a comment, read it, realized how it sounded, and deleted it.

    I wish there was a “verbal” delete button.

    Trying so hard to trust myself, but the thing is, you can’t always trust your emotions, and you can’t always trust “pure reason” either.

    This is so hard!

  52.  #52Calypso on January 5, 2013 at 7:13 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I hope you are all having a great start to your new year 🙂

    I have been really busy. My son goes back to the Marines for his next round of training on Monday. It has been wonderful having him home.

    I have not contacted GM, nor have I heard from him. It is getting easier, but he is still my first and last thought every day – sigh.

    I still make myself pick at least one POF match to email and try to interact with every week, but nothing has come of that. I’m not trying very hard, but at least I am still practicing.

    You would have been proud of me yesterday – I spent most of the day on the phone dealing with my financial issues. I’m still in a mess, but at least i am having conversations with my creditors and working toward solutions – not hiding my head in the sand and avoiding the phone calls. progress.

    I need some alone time – I’m looking forward to my son’s next graduation ceremony in North Carolina. I don’t know when it will be yet, but I do know it is a 13 hour drive and I’m planning to go by myself! I feel like I have something that I need to discover and I can’t get enough alone time to work it out, but I will 🙂

  53.  #53Mercedes on January 5, 2013 at 11:36 am

    MovingMagic: I LOVE Capoeira!!! I think J and I are going to Brazil either this summer or next summer (or both!!) and I can’t wait to see it there! And Samba….YAY! Sounds like an amazing time!

    Much Love,

  54.  #54k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    I just wanted to make a comment on relationships between men and women. Men and women in relationships need to show respect for each other in relation to just about everything,-how we speak to each other, our tone of voice, the things we say, among other issues. If it is necessary to end a relationship, do so with respect. Breakups aren’t easy but just be honest and upfront. Instead of disappearing for example, meet with the person, explain that things are not working out at your end and u have to end the relationship.

    I dont know if some women disappear like men do. I honestly dont know. But I know that all men dont disappear. A male friend of mine was telling me that men don’t like to talk which is the reason why they disappear. Not all men disappear though, some are decent enough to tell u the truth, you know. u know the the saying, “its not what u say its how u say it.” Well in this case, its not what u do (end a relationship) but its how u end it (disappear, speak to the person about it in person. With regards to ending it over the phone, I am not sure if that is acceptable. not sure of that one.

    We all need to be careful how we relate to each other as “what goes around comes around”. So if a man or a woman treats their partner badly, most times someone does it back to u. I have known 2 men who were players ( i mentioned this some time ago) who used women and it came back right on them where women hurt them.

    Does anybody know whether Rori has any advice on Online dating? I put up my profile on a site which I will upgrade by the end of the month. I saw some tips that someone reposted yesterday i believe and I e-mailed them to myself. but are there any articles on here on online dating?

  55.  #55k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    “came back right round on them”-correction.

  56.  #56Femininewoman on January 5, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    Calypso you driving all that way? Oh my.

  57.  #57Rebecca on January 5, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    I’m obsessing over this ex ex ex who I saw ay NYE… He won’t leavr my thoughts at the moment..

    I need to start CDing again to get him out of my brain or my brain will stay stuck on loop…

    Focus on me. Focus on me. Focus on me.


    What is going on inside me?

    Please universe send me a man who is decent and who I love. I don’t want friendship anymore – I am so dome with that. I want romance. I want love. I want affection.

    Yikes – am I asking for too much? Maybe the reason I am getting disappointed is that I want & expect too much.


    I have sooo many male friends. I have so many men that r interested butnothing goes any further than friendship. Is it me? Is it them?
    Am I not atttractive enough? Do I not put the right things in my profile.

    I am soooo frustrated. I truly believe God does’t want me to find anyone. Things never work out for me…

  58.  #58Vi on January 5, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    Hey Emerson, I feel glad to see your response! This is obviously my mother’s belief and I feel unsure that I really believe it. Actually in my heart it’s always been a ‘no’ which I always felt okay to take as an answer… even admired it because to me giving ‘no’ as an answer feels really challenging; that’s why this belief feels fake and imposed. This belief also sends me into this controlling mode that feels like tightness in my body and anger… so I am going to track it in my everyday thoughts and send love to it 🙂

  59.  #59k2012 on January 5, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    “I need to start CDing again to get him out of my brain or my brain will stay stuck on loop… Focus on me.” Rebecca, I totally understand. Do u still love him? Do u talk about him a lot?

  60.  #60MovingMagic on January 6, 2013 at 12:48 am

    In seeking real change, I’m not doing what I’ve always done. In embracing my worth as a woman I’m staying on my horse. She’s more like a unicorn, or possibly a pegasus… beautiful, mystical, graceful & strong. Change isn’t easy, & it truly is a step by step process.

  61.  #61Daria on January 6, 2013 at 10:46 am

    What if your man talks about feminine energy topics much of the time you spend together…

    And I think he’s doing it mimic (and connect) me!

    He talks about how thus abd that Felt, moans and pooh as and ahhh and wiggles …

    It can even be in the middle of the convo there’s a time he detached to have his wiggle n moan and say how good something feels.

    I feel… Icky when that happens.

    I don’t feel good when I the mans conversation is feminine energy….

    I actually feel not paid attention to and mad…

    Resentful annoyed and I’m starting to

    Possibly be passive aggressive by not getting interested in his sensual experience ( looking dead or unengaged or looking away when he does it, or by asking innocent q that question the validity of what he said or his integrity.

    I feel stuck n panicked.

    I don’t want to be mean to him.

    I feel like I’m very controlling by asking if someone can talk differently …

    Like I’m not accepting him

    And I feel so guilty

    And sad


  62.  #62Husna on January 6, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    Hi Rori, i have a question and i’d love to get answers.
    I have a boyfriend and he is the only man i am going out with, but what bothers me is that all the time he keeps telling me that he doesn’t trust me at all and he’s watching me over. It really hurts to hear him say that directly to me and he says it everyday, it really hurts. I don’t have outside relationships i checked everything with me and its all okay. I don’t do anything all the time I’m locked inside at home in my room now I’m wondering whats happening with hm. At times i think he does that maybe he wants to break up with so he says that to keep me at ease and react in a bad mood and all he could get was my silence and smile and he would repeat it all over again and again.
    He is so strict that i am not even allowed to talk with my male friends and even when i go out with my brothers he does everything to ruin my day out with my family.Its the same issue with the female friends too, he talks bad of my friends and makes sure my communications with them is at a small level.
    Its very rare when he listens to my opinions, all he wants me to do is follow everything he says without bending it, he tells me if i want to date with him i have to be ‘EXTREMELY PERFECT’, that sounds awkward to me and all i told him is that i am a human being and i have errors and if i make one then you are the only person to help me correct them and learn from them but that too is useless, i am afraid that this is nit the kind of relation i am after please help me out i really need you to help me in anything, if its your advice to help me change it will the best cause i love him so much, please Rori help me..
    I feel bad and hurt too… Because they is nothing wrong that i am doing to deserve all that… I can not even talk to my friends anymore.

  63.  #63Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    Treat me like your daughter treat me like your Goddess treat me like a star

    Your star feels too intimate like two kids squatting in the dark whispering

    I fe afraid to want that

    I’ve never felt that jntimaye s a man, only w women – cousin, mom

    Ohhhh I almost did w Ronnie and guywho

    But maybe not quite

    I feel rushed

    I feel scared to look at that feeling again

    To feel it again

    It felt do good

    I feel like crying

    I am crying !

  64.  #64Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    I want it even if I feel scared

    Treat me like your star


    Ahhh I feel good feeling so deep

    I feel excited

    I feel excited to notice my habit of using shorthand to record

    Was learned

    And I feel like rushing when I use it, like I do now

    I feel afraid of forgetting and I picked up that that endearing and indicates a bright affable person… In novels.

    Character type

    What if… I open to poetry instead of recording

    I feel green

    N brown

    N black

    N ash

    I feel excitement

    I feel a pull on my thoughts
    To me

  65.  #65Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Web were out in public I like being treated like a star

    Web were in private I like bein treated like a goddess

    Wen were doing something together I like being big soldier lil soldier and also giggling playful babygirl

  66.  #66Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    There’s Goddess, Star/lady, Babygirl, n Lil Soldier

  67.  #67Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Lady goes into goddess sometimes

    And sometimes into Babygirl


    Lil soldier goes into baby girl

    Or into star


    I love lil soldier soooo much

    It’s that feeling I feel for men wen I feel compassion n joy for them 🙂


    And now it’s for me !

    Wow I feel excited how this will change me!

    I am in Lil Soldier right now

    I was just in Goddess


    I feel excited
    I don’t know how to remember what I wanted to remember about goddess abc Babygirl

  68.  #68Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    Lady can turn into Babygirl

    Babygirl into lady

    Lady can turn into Goddess

    Goddess turns into lady


    Lil soldier is not gona be part of my sex life ? Wen married ?

    Hmm wats gona satisfy lil soldier ?


    Oh yah n making them, but in the way I wanted to.

    Abd dress up scenes

    Ok lil soldier is Set for marriage

    That’s all good !

    I can do it!

    Satisfy all of me

  69.  #69Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Lil soldier wants to turn into star directly hmmmm

    Star turn into lil soldier?

    I love that feeling can a man support me in This?

    I always thought they wouldn’t cuz of competition ?

    But if he’s that Biiiig

    Then he can support lil soldier

    My fear is my man can’t support lol soldier and I’m actually only open to men who are bigger than lil soldier

    Rori says: date men who want to treat you well

    And I date men who are not as big as lil soldier .

    They might freak out wen they see lil soldier.

    They might run away

    I like it wen men support lil soldier n want to assist going to Star


    Rori says don’t Do anything w ur man haha well stay in Babygirl n don’t go in Lil Soldier w him …

    Or is it towards him

    This is where I feel confused

    If I’m doing activities of masc energy n ignoring him, he will find me attractive ?


    Ok as long as its big towards him.

    So lil soldier not towards him.



    Wat if I Do banter?

    I want a man w a Boiiiig soldier that just finds it cute hmmm

    I’m feeling actual again n confused

  70.  #70Daria on January 6, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Ok here’s the deal

    Babygirl/lil soldier go together as a pair


    Babygirl feels Ew at da mans behavior

    Lil soldier feels judgemental


    Ohhhh wait a min.

    Lil soldier is for web were Doing something together

  71.  #71Daria on January 6, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    I feel really glad you’re stretching and taking time to feel good n stuff… N the truth is I feel kinda turned off when a guy does that on a date w me … Likes pauses our convo and I feel not paid attention to during the time it takes to stretch or get really into a feeling n stuff…

    I feel resentful and like hey I’m the feminine energy partner here… I feel out of balance n turned off wen my guy goes into fem energy

  72.  #72Daria on January 6, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Goes Suddenly into fem energy.

    I actually think I wdnt mind if it was a designated time, rather how Rori says to say boy gay girl hat.

    If I knew he was gona sing n get feelingy I cd handle that better

    Damn this stuff is really serious/unforgiving !

    Until the next time I guess wen it turns on the drop of a dime.

  73.  #73Daria on January 6, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    We can only keep it going so long as I keep it real.

  74.  #74k2012 on January 6, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    This article is a good article. Excellent advice.

  75.  #75Rori Raye on January 6, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    Husna – are you living in a country with a culture that expects this kind of behavior from women? If not, if you have options to be however you want to me – I can’t imagine why you’d want to be in ANY kind of relationship – even a friendship – with a man who makes you feel like a prisoner. If this werre me, I’d feel quite frightened and get away from this abusive man as quickly as possible. Love, Rori

  76.  #76Radlove on January 8, 2013 at 4:14 pm


    I would never allow myself to be controlled by a man like that. I would get away as fast as possible.

    What do you love about him? Does he love you? NO! He is not capable of love. He is only capable of control. This is a very sick man.