How To Thank You For You

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rori greenNeeds.

Getting our needs met.

This, to me, is what romantic relationship and meaningful work is all about, what we yearn for, what we feel depressed about, what we feel hopeless about or exhilarated about.

Our needs are met.  Or they’re not.

And – it’s not just ANY needs that we need to be met – it’s the ones that heighten our awareness and experience of everything else that’s good.

There’s just nothing like love, romance, affection, attention, sex, appreciation of our work, appreciation at our work, and a nice paycheck…

It’s not good enough to have a roof over our head.  Oh…we’re grateful for it, we’re happy we’re not out in the cold – and, there are so many who are, and so many of us who’re AFRAID we MIGHT be out in the cold except for Grace – but it just doesn’t “float our boat” to be happy about having a roof over our head.

We take the “everyday” for granted when we’re missing the big ticket items like love, romance, affection, partnership, a soulfull reason to get up in the morning and earn a living.

And on a holiday where we’re supposed to be “thankful” – it’s really, really hard to be “thankful” when we feel like there’s a big hole (perhaps many big holes) in our lives.

So – what to do?

It’s really easy to focus on “gratitude.”  Easy in a good, fun, easy way – and too easy in the “it’s easy to SAY way.”

For me…I go about this a few different ways, and I try to go about it every day in some way.

1. “The Three Blessings” that my friend Ryan Eliason taught me.  Every night (or when I want to, or think of it…) I write down in a journal three things I’m grateful for – that I feel are blessings in my life.  Once I sit down to write these things…it’s sort of amazing how many things – sometimes really SMALL things – come up for me.  Try it.

2. Look in the mirror.  Who do you see?  You see the one person in this entire world you possess.  The one person in this entire world you can totally trust, totally count on to be on your side.  The one person you can put makeup on, dress up, order around, pet, moon over, sing to…a million little things…without checking with anyone else first.  You are your treasure.

There’s no real way to argue with this!  No matter how crappy things might be at this moment, or how you’re starting to feel like things might actually be changing for you for the better (they are, if you’re doing the Modern Siren Tools and Business Siren Protocols)…you still have YOU.

>> Go reach out your hand and pet your image in the mirror.

>> Now run your hand down your other arm – slowly and sweetly, and watch yourself in the mirror.  There’s no limit to how long and how lovingly you can do this…so you can never get bored or run out of parts of you to pet.

3. Say Thank You to the you in the mirror.  In fact – say “I love you.  Thank you.”

If you want to really try something, say “I love you.  I forgive you.  Thank you.”  If you want to try the whole thing…and speak to all those parts inside you with different needs and experiences, say “I love you.  I’m sorry.  I forgive you.  Thank you.”

That about covers any emotion you could be having – from beating yourself up over something, to getting all excited about yourself (good for you!!!)

Okay, yes, you can be thankful for the roof over your head, and that some of the needs onyour needs scale are being met, and you can be thankful that you’re on track to get all the most fabulous of your needs met by the most fabulous man and fabulous work…but only if it feels good.  Only if it’s true.

If you’re actually angry as anything about something…go ahead and be thankful for that!  I mean – a good bit of fire in your belly, no matter where it came from or where it’s aimed is pretty grand, isn’t it?

If you’re actually feeling tearful and sorry for yourself – be thankful for that – because then you get to back and do numbers 1 through 3 here!

4. Imagine a fabulous life standing there – right in front of you and all around you – all the time – and that LIFE is saying Thank You.  To YOU.

If you’re missing something in love or work – and you’d like to work with me in a Love Forever or Business Siren class, just hit reply to this letter, tell me a bit about yourself and your situation, and I’ll get back to you with some ideas.

If you’d like to learn The Business Siren Protocols and see how the way you work can make love better, and the way you love can make work better – read The Business Siren’s Handbook here–>>

http://businesssiren.com/business-sirens-handbook/

I say Thank You to you.  You just are….so wonderful.  I’m so glad to have you in my life.

Love, Rori

privateNote From Rori: For new, free Tools, fresh advice on Love, Relationship, the new Business Siren Protocols for Having It All, invitations to live events, free interviews, PLUS a bonus ebook! – “Navigating Love – Tools From Roadtrips With My Husband” – go here to get on my “Private List”–>>

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6 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on November 28, 2016 at 9:55 am

    The practice is very soothing



  2.  #2SeaShell on November 29, 2016 at 3:03 am

    Dear Rori, Coaches, Universe, anyone who’s listening,

    I am in a commitment with a man and I don’t feel appreciative of anything that he does.
    I can say thank you, I do say thank you.
    I notice him making an effort.
    And yet, consistently I feel angry. I feel constricting, lonely, numb.
    I resonate with this post, it made me think gratitude and how it feels different from forced gratitude.
    To me, forced feels different to authentic blooming gratitude and appreciation.
    The latter feels nothing short of beautiful and abundant.

    I don’t make efforts to control him, I respect him and follow his lead.
    I give ample time to caring for myself, giving attention to my needs and pleasures.
    And yet I just feel blank and disappointed.
    I feel confused. I don’t know what to do from here.
    I’m in this funk, this place, it feels crappy and still and I don’t know how to move from here.

    It would feel amazing, to have some options.
    Thank you and love
    xx



  3.  #3Andrea on November 29, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    I feel peaceful resilience, forgiving myself that I’m not where I imagined myself to be at this time in my life, loving myself because in some areas I’m further advanced than I ever hoped. I really feel resonant with this post, looking at self in the mirror and accepting the big life available.
    But also feel hurtful toward my heart, feeling like I’m wrong, I’m wrong, or doing something wrong, sending out the wrong vibes to continue to be single and still longing to find that true partner and to become that true partner.
    Then I feel washed over with admiration for myself for being so courageous, to keep trying, to keep putting myself out there, keep hoping.
    Coming back to this site and re-reading my Rori ebook is making feel open again to that small sad longing hopeful part of myself that still exists. I’m glad that I still have that soft part of myself.
    I really feel lonely.



  4.  #4Epiphyllum on December 4, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I know how hard it is to feel lonely! The true loneliness… Oh yes… and the sad longings. I feel you. Keep the hope up Andrea… X’mas will be coming soon. There’re always faith, hope and love !

    I’m sending you love <3 from Down Under



  5.  #5Lucinda on December 4, 2016 at 6:11 am

    Hi Rori,
    First, I love your blog and your ideas, particularly the ideas about circular dating. Your advice helped me tremendously in the past, before I got married.

    Here is my situation: I have been married for 1-2 years. My husband and I currently have 2 kids, including an infant. My husband is overall a good father and spouse except for one major issue: I worry about the possibility that he physically cheated not long after our infant was born. While I was pregnant, I caught him flirting on social media with a few girls, mostly one who lives many states away that he’s never met, but another who he later admitted he knew through mutual friends in our town, and was thinking about going on a date with but never actually did. Months after our baby’s birth, I found condoms. Immediately I feared cheating, and after taking a day to overcome my fear of confrontation, I confronted him. After his initial denial followed by downplaying what happened, with much goading and questioning from me, he finally admitted what had happened: he’d gone to a strip club a few weeks after our baby’s birth and had spent money on lapdances with a stripper, then arranged to meet up with her for sex after her shift ended, but she ended up never showing up so it didn’t happen. He swears he didn’t do anything but get a few topless/G-string lapdances, and fondle her breasts and butt during those dances (which unfortunately, is the norm at strip clubs in my area).

    Ever since the day I found the condoms, I’ve felt fearful, anxious, frantic, and depressed. Between this and my stressful job situation, I think I might have some depression. I’m in a funk. I excessively worry that maybe he actually did hook up with the stripper but is afraid to tell me because he doesn’t want to face consequences for what he did: namely divorce and/or me cheating back. (he knows I’ve advised friends in similar situations to “revenge cheat” and leave) Also, he has a history of being dishonest when he’s trying to avoid hurting people or doesn’t want people mad at him.

    We’ve been in counseling for months now, starting with the initial online flirting when I was pregnant, and then starting up again months ago not long after I found the condoms. Some of the therapy has been unsuccessful, and some has had moderate albeit very slow success. Therapy hasn’t helped him to spill what I suspect are hidden truths about what he’s done. Even if he’s telling the truth about the stripper, I still feel irritated and ripped off that he had body-to-body contact with an almost-naked girl and felt her up. Not to mention the frustration I feel about him spending money on her, when we’ve been hard pressed financially, with me paying the larger share of the household bills! I feel angry, and I feel like wanting to go out and do the same thing, and I feel like wanting to validate my own attractiveness by getting guys to spend money on me or want my body. Yes I admit I’m a vindictive person.

    This whole situation has me considering Circular Dating as a married woman. Would you recommend this in my situation? If so, what limits should I set for myself? For example, should I allow myself to get physical in any way with these men, or just meet up with them but keep my hands and body totally to myself? I’ve already started talking to a few men and went out for brief drinks with one man last month, but I didn’t kiss or anything that would constitute physical cheating. I never told my husband about this. If I go on more dates or decide to hook up with anyone (light kissing or more), I’m probably not going to tell my husband, at least not right away, especially since he did not afford me immediate confessions of his own indiscretions.

    But how much consideration should I put into my husband’s feelings about this? In recent past he’s been explosively hypocritical about me meeting guys and doing the equivalent that he did with that stripper, going into a rage. Each time he’ll always calm down later and apologize, admit he’s wrong to be a hypocrite. One time right therapy he meekly requested that if I do anything with a guy, if I could just please tell him afterwards. I wasn’t sure if that was an implied form of consent to let me do what I need to do to get closure on his indiscretions, or if he just wants more transparency from me than he’s willing to give. What do you think of this situation and my idea to circular date? How should I approach circular dating as a married woman who wants to find her confidence, feel wanted, and indirectly show husband she’s a wanted hot commodity? Thank you so so so much for your invaluable advice and feedback.



  6.  #6Epiphyllum on December 4, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    Andrea, resonate to your message on 29/11.

    I know how hard it is to feel lonely! The true loneliness… Oh yes… and the sad longings. I feel you. Keep the hope up Andrea… X’mas will be coming soon. There’re always faith, hope and love !

    I’m sending you love <3 from Down Under