How To Touch A Man Like A Rock Star Free Spirit

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Here’s a comment from Mercedes that continues the discussion on what Leaning Back is (all jumping off from a comment by Lisa)- and how it can pop you to the other side of the coin and make you “cold” if you’re not allowing your heart to open at the same time:

“Rori: Do you think you can lean forward without hurting anything too? I mean if you’re comfortable in your relationship?

Sometimes I lean in and kiss J…no asking…no leaning back and “waiting” or being open to it when he decides but actually grabbing ahold of his cheeks and planting one on him when he’s just sitting there minding his own business. He likes it…and I’m comfortable with it.

My question do you think over time this will have negative results for me or do you think that because I’m doing what I want without expectations (oh…except that he’s going to kiss me back…I expect that…or at least would be shocked if it didn’t happen…) that’s why it works for us? Because I’m not expecting him to say anything or stop what he’s doing and spend the next 30 minutes staring into my eyes or taking out the trash?

I’m just kissing him because he’s sitting there and looks all hot and I think it’s the right thing to do in that moment?

Hmmm…

I wonder about this a lot because I have those moments when I have to lean back because I’ve found myself wishing or hoping for a result or something specific to happen…I love the lean back concept because of those times. But I also like to lean forward…and I think it’s sweet when we do it.

I wonder if Lisa’s man is angry and hurt because she’s leaned so far back she’s no longer doing the things he fell in love with about her…like if she gave spontaneous kisses or pats on the butt or if she made his special breakfast every Sunday morning and he loved that about her or if she always handed him the sports section of the paper first, etc. Sometimes, when we stop overfunctioning (which is another concept I TOTALLY agree with) we also stop doing the things these men loved about us from the start. Maybe her man just misses some of those things and she’s leaned just a bit too far back? Do you think that’s possible?

I’m struggling with this one a bit…

Much Love, Mercedes”

Here’s my answer:

Mercedes – I’m back from my seminar and trying to catch up with all of you…and just put up a post in answer to Lisa…I’d like to put your question in a post, too…because – remember – my Tools are only Tools – they’re not meant to be a lifestyle or way of life.

The goal here is for you to feel like a “rock Star Free Spirit” and to be able to do ANYTHING you WANT!

The thing is – most of us have such terrible habits, wanting things and trying to get them, having agendas for everything we do – that in order to get a grip and become AWARE of what we’re doing and where the impulses are coming from – we have to, as I say – “go back to the wall.”

So – let’s start by talking about “Giving Back” – and the difference between Giving Back and “Giving to Get.”

Go back to my “Waterwheel” image:

His love is coming at you as the wheel turns toward you and showers you with the water of his love, affection and attention…and as it turns back toward him, to pick up even more love from him…he gets what’s left of the water that landed on you.

Now…let’s turn that up a notch with the image of you as a fountain:

You are a fountain of love, and it’s all coming from inside you.  The water of the love of your fountain shoots up and into the air, and showers back down, landing in the huge “bowl” of your OWN fountain, getting recycled through you, creating more and more power,  radiating out higher and higher sprays of your love into the air.

And any man standing anywhere near you gets showered with your love. He gets watered and nurtured and loved and comforted and excited and thrilled and doused with your OVERFLOW.

Love at all times, then, works much like sex.

It’s your joy and sensations and energy that overflow onto him and thrill him. That get his heart going, his soul tingling, his emotions activated.

If you merely “service” him – it only serves the physical part of him, and just a bit of the emotional.

So – what would that look like in day-to-day things like kisses and pats and the stuff Mercedes is talking about?

First – it’s crucial that you become aware, as Mercedes talks about – if you’re Giving to Get.

Kissing him to get kissed, touching him to get touched, putting butter on his potato to get a “thank you” of appreciation. Patting his butt to “remind” him that you’re a sexual being. Doing anything to get attention.

Once you know you’re NOT doing that (and it takes lots of practice, lots of putting your hand over your mouth and learning to Listen at Level 2, and stopping yourself from Overfunctioning and learning to LeanBack when you catch yourself doing something to make something happen and giving something to get something) – you can do ANYTHING.

That means you can walk up to your man and touch his hair and gaze in his eyes and tell him how beautiful he is.
You can walk up and put your breasts against his chest and slide into him and melt all over him and smother his face with kisses…

AND – I would not advise doing that if he’s watching a ball game on TV or pouring over the crossword puzzle, or reading a letter from work…or….generally not looking at you in the first place.

It’s really all about being an Invitation. If you look at him, and he looks at you, and you smile and melt all gooey, and he smiles, then stepping forward and kissing him is totally lovely.

If he stands there in front of you, and he’s looking at you, and you walk up and put your hand on his penis and say how glad you are he belongs to you – that’s fabulous. But if he’s staring at the wall and you all of a sudden come up behind him, put your hand on his penis and say how glad you are he belongs to you…that won’t work.

If you can imagine all possible scenarios – you’ll see that creating an openness and softness between you in the moment is the key here…it’s about Giving Back.

It’s about Opening Up your heart and mind and body to him in a tangible way. It’s a reaching out that comes from a spontaneous burst of love spray from your inner fountain.

That feels very different from a reaching out to “make contact.”

A pat on the butt when your man is clearly open and giving you his attention is one thing…a pat on the butt while he’s doing something else is quite another. Tracing his ear with your finger while you’re cuddling is one thing…tracing his ear when he’s trying to tell you something is another.

Touching his shoulder in passing is a lovely thing. Touching his shoulder when he’s trying to say something or do something that’s making his own body LeanBack is not lovely.

When he’s already Leaning Forward, and wanting something from you…that’s when you give back.

For Lisa…see what it is that’s happening.  Are you “holding back” or “Leaning Back.”  Big different.

Get your fountain going and let it slop all over him, and see if that feels different for you – and for him.

Love, Rori

Posted in

976 Comments

  1.  #1Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:18 am

    Top of the world!



  2.  #2Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:19 am

    SLV, if you had been on line when this post came up, I would have told you to get your butt over here. But since you were not there, I will just claim the spot with you little saying!



  3.  #3Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:20 am

    I mean YOUR little saying. My computer can’t type.



  4.  #4Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:25 am

    Love this post! I remember Mercedes’ post when she posted it cuz it spoke to me.

    Especially liked the hand on the penis part. Hee hee.



  5.  #5Turtle Girl on November 14, 2010 at 9:19 am

    So really, once again what RR is saying is that this is all about our “vibe”-or you could say our “intent”.

    Leaning forward to get is the icky needy insecure thing we do.

    Giving back because we are in a position of “our cup runneth over” and there is plenty of love for all and we have so much that we need nothing for us then it is easy to do.

    The end result of the action looks exactly the same, but the vibe that goes with it is completely different. I get it. How we FEEL when we do this makes all the difference does it not? I feel desperate when I am giving to get. When I am giving out of pure love and expect nothing feels powerful and full. Hard to accomplish 24/7 though. Working on it.



  6.  #6Turtle Girl on November 14, 2010 at 9:21 am

    The needy giving is always for me an old wound that has not been healed. My triggers that everyone talks about on here.

    What has blown me away is how quickly they can heal and how quickly thins can change by simply cd’ing and shifting the vibe. Having no options made me needy. Having lots of options cures that.



  7.  #7Luzy on November 14, 2010 at 10:45 am

    How would this apply to someone who is just dating?
    what to do when a guy tries to get close, but still you are not sure about him, his feeling towards you and even your own feelings toward him.

    I want to be open and let him in, but I don’t really know the guy and I probably want to keep safe. How to keep my boundaries, lean back, enjoy the men I am meeting in my CD and don’t seem cold?

    It is easy to be open when you have a relationship established, but not so easy when you are just meeting men.



  8.  #8Mai on November 14, 2010 at 10:58 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXCR0aDv5_g&NR=1&feature=fvwp

    rori on the The Gregory Mantell Show — Men Falling Behind?



  9.  #9Simply Shannon on November 14, 2010 at 11:37 am

    “Tracing his ear with your finger while you’re cuddling is one thing…tracing his ear when he’s trying to tell you something is another.”
    Guilty as charged. I do this, have done this, a lot. Hmm…

    I get the vibe thing but wow, yeah I do lean forward with touching. Touching is my numero uno love language. It feels nearly impossible for me to be walking beside a man without putting my hand in his arm.

    Just the thought of NOT doing that makes my stomach twist. Ick.

    Dangit. I feel mad.

    Breath Shannon breath.



  10.  #10janjune on November 14, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    rori what can i say… you just put it all together for us…

    ((hug))



  11.  #11Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    @1: Honey says:
    “Top of the world!”

    LOL Go for it! It’s fun, isn’t it? 😆

    I think I live here on this blog!

    I went to the previous thread and spent a long time catching up on posts.

    In announcer voice: On the last episode…

    ==>@AmberS says:
    “Today I had the BEST first date of my life…”

    Wow! Reading this gives me hope..

    AmberS says:
    “I was struggling so much with letting of of my *almost* perfect guy. He was so *almost perfect* that I felt scared to let go, because what if that was as good as it gets?…
    …And the Universe just answered.
    It’s funny how I want to laugh and cry at the same time. This is my first date since I let go of *almost*.
    Thank you, Universe.
    I get the message. I’ll keep working on myself….”

    I am truly inspired and also happy for you. Amber, thanks for sharing this.

    AmberS says:
    “Let’s see if it’s just an open tag heh”

    Yes,…I didn’t try this time (there is teeny bit of recidivism here 😳 ) because last time the parameters didn’t allow to read closing tag after submit. I just slunk off to hide my sorrow in chocolate bars.

    AmberS says:
    “…The Red Queen c’est magnifique!!!…”

    Merci beaucoup.

    “Universinces”

    Yes! Universe + coincidence

    ==>@BarbinOz says:
    “…And he called my name and I was shocked -15 years older than pic and way shorter, I think he probably said 5′ 10″ but it was more like 5″ 5″ and there I stood in my heels towering over him like an Amazon LOL!!
    I had walked right past him as he bore no resemblance to his old photo, I don’t know whey they do that, but they do………..so be prepared…….”

    Do these guys feel embarassed at all to appear looking so different that they are unrecognizable??? I would! I could show you older pics of myself and you would never in a million year guess it was me! I don’t want anyone to see those.

    And if I told someone I was five inches taller (well i wouldn’t) I certainly would not want to show up without warning them.

    But…I guess this is why guys that are 60 are advertising for women who are 30 to 40; that’s how they see themselves…

    BarbinOz says:
    “ooohhhh SLV you are going to be in BIG trouble now LOL!!”

    I’m sorryyyyyy 😥 … I’m using only quotation marks now… I wish we had an edit function.

    ==>Nikita says:

    “I like the idea that if I start a post with the word: RIFFIN, that I will be trusted that my intention are pure and not “coded”….. ”

    I liked the way you did your “RIFFIN'”

    ==>@Rosa says:
    “Woohoo Barb!!!!
    How long did you hold his gaze???”

    Rosa, I haven’t learned to go past 2 seconds. But when I went out for coffee this older guy gazed at me! I think it was kind of rude. As I was walking along and approaching the corner, I saw him talking with a woman so I looked ahead and not at him.

    When I arrived where they were, he turned away from her! His head and shoulders, looked me in the face and then the guy looked me up and down from head to toe and back again, what a nerve!

    The woman just stood there talking to him. She was older than I, I think, with a head full of snow white hair. On the way home, I stopped in store and bought two boxes of hair color…

    ==@Renee says:
    “…encouraging me to believe that my last relationship with Mr. “Almost Perfect” for me is leading me one step closer to the real “Mr. Perfect” for me…as soon as I get where I need to be for me, he’ll be there…”

    I think/hope it will be that way for me too…

    ==>tinque says:
    “Not to worry SLV – I’ll take care of it.
    xxoo..”

    I looks like you did! Thank you so much. How did you close it?

    ==>@Simply Shannon says:
    “P.S. The italics are good every once in a while. (Wink, wink SLV….”

    Hi SS
    I don’t think you’ll be seeing them for a long while…let’s think of them as a stroke of the magic wand and twinkle dust bringing good CD and yummy relationships to everyone…

    ==>@life_is_too_short_to…:

    Your username is just right the way you use it. Also the way I think of it is a little different and I think that’s OK too…I think life IS too short…too short to fit everything in that I might want to do, see, be…

    ==>@Dorothea says:
    “So that someone would appreciate me for something and the sacrifices I have made to make the world a better place or contribute to impressive accomplishments…”

    Dorothea. you are just fine. In fact you are a super fine siren. You are taking care of yourself, fine tuning your choices and you even have guys running after you in the street. One of them is going to be “The One!” Keep on keeping on.

    Dorothea says:
    “…There are a couple of sirens who have emailed me whenever I’m on the blog saying i feel like death through and through…”

    I think of you as strong…really strong on the inside…or I’d be tiptoeing around you…

    SLV



  12.  #12Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    Reposting this from the older thread — and it fits the topic on this thread very much! In an opposite kind of way…..

    A couple days ago I had kind of a yucky experience, and am wondering if anyone else has had this happen and what to do about it….

    I was following all the Rori guidelines about Leaning Back and using feeling messages, etc. with fb college guy… and then suddenly I felt myself feeling clingy! like, just wanting to be with him and wanting more and more of his attention…. I think it was coming from a feeling of loneliness…. But I kept Leaning Back, doing everything “right”…… HOWEVER, I could actually feel my Vibe shifting to leaning Forward even though everything I was doing was Leaning Back behavior and words … and I felt helpless to control it… I felt scared that it was gonna push him away… and it actually seems like it might have!….

    Any thoughts?



  13.  #13Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    My favorite line from Rori’s new post:

    “It’s a reaching out that comes from a spontaneous burst of love spray from your inner fountain.”

    Love it! I have definitely felt that and done that — it feels very good and natural and free.



  14.  #14Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    wow slv u went through a lot of effort to address everyone from the old thread on the new one here where everyone is hanging out. that feels sooo thoughtful. you really didn’t have to do that.

    i take it as a compliment that i seem strong on the inside. the truth is i feel like a victim on the inside. a victim of neglect and abuse. but not ALL the time, just 2-4 weeks every month as my period stalls and never comes. i am seeing an acupuncturist and have changed my diet, but it’s just not cooperating with me. my hormones got me wanting to run into traffic.



  15.  #15Honey on November 14, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    SLV –

    “The woman just stood there talking to him. She was older than I, I think, with a head full of snow white hair. On the way home, I stopped in store and bought two boxes of hair color…”

    LMAO!

    “When I arrived where they were, he turned away from her! His head and shoulders, looked me in the face and then the guy looked me up and down from head to toe and back again, what a nerve!”

    I always say the difference between a gentleman and a man who is NOT a gentleman is that the gentleman PRETENDS not to look!



  16.  #16Honey on November 14, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Lucy #12 –

    I’ve done that. The second I start to feel any sort of investment it is almost impossible to NOT lean forward and overfunction. I’m actually scared to meet someone that I’m really into because I’m afraid I will blow it. I’m just feeling like it comes down to practice.

    I’m really good at making things happen. When I want something badly, I MAKE it happen. But it doesn’t work that way with relationships. Trying to make something happen is so automatic for me.

    What were you feeling when the vibe shifted? Attraction, fear it wouldn’t work out, vulnerability? Maybe getting to the emotion at the bottom of it all would help you to not feel so controlled by it.



  17.  #17Renee on November 14, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    Barb — I just got the kindest response from one of your fellow Aussies and it made me feel so special!

    He’s a dr in Queensland who’s one of the world’s foremost authorities on drug/diet interactions with this new class of drug I’m getting ready to start taking. I wrote him a few hours ago with a question about a specific drug interaction and he just wrote me back with a very thorough and helpful response (and gave me the go ahead to take the headache remedy I was wondering about).

    It may seem like a silly thing to get excited about his kind response, but it just seemed like it was a sign that I’m proceeding on the right path towards remedying my depression with this sometimes controversial class of drug — I really think everything’s going to go great with this new AD and I will be back to my old self in no time!

    Hope you’re having a great day!



  18.  #18Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Honey, I think it was basically Loneliness, which I actually don’t feel very often, so it kinda took me by surprise.

    I didn’t do any Lean Forward behaviors at all, just responded to his words with feeling messages, such as “I feel happy connecting with you.”

    But the energy in that statement “I feel happy connecting with you” felt more like, “I feel happy connecting with you, please keep it up, don’t leave me, don’t stop, give me more…”

    kwim?



  19.  #19Daria on November 14, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    I have my peezy hurray hurray! That’s early last time I only had spotting tho. Yay peezy ! I live you



  20.  #20Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    right now i hate boys. they make things feel more complicated. there is so much else i could be worrying about and thinking about but noooo, for some reason a penis makes me go loca.

    in other news, i took myself to breakfast despite all the negative voices saying i am too ugly and frumpy to go to breakfast, or sit an extra few minutes and enjoy my coffee. negative voices that everyone who passes me on the street thinks “there’s some CRAZY chick.”

    i felt compelled to text LI a few times but I didn’t. I question if this is me leaning back or what. I dunno. If i can’t decide, i’ll just do nothing.

    for those of you who missed it, i let LI know I would be spending more time focusing on myself and dating other men. so now it’s just a matter of not contacting him all the damn time and letting him row the boat so that i can take time and energy for myself in life. this is really hard. so i spam here.

    now i am going to wash some clothes and towels.



  21.  #21BarbinOz on November 14, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Just a quickie for Memee!!

    My friend has this as her FB status today and I thought of yo!!

    What the caterpillar perceives as the end, to
    the butterfly is just the beginning. 😀

    Love it….OK off to work ladies, God it is SOOOOO hot here…….phew!!



  22.  #22Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    I wish it were hot here. It’s dark and cold most of the time instead. Have a great day at work Barb



  23.  #23Daria on November 14, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Pouring out bloody guts! Yay yay. I love woman magic yay yay.



  24.  #24Frenchkitty on November 14, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Sirens, please give me your opinions on this little speech…

    “I feel like I’m a complete fraud. I make out I’m a cool confident woman, but really I’m just a little girl that’s afraid of everything. And then I’m a slightly bigger girl that’a angry with the little girl for being afraid. Do you know what I mean?……….
    For example, I feel warm and soft when I’m with you, and its a nice feeling, and I just want to sink into it. And then a nasty little voice in my head says, if you lean back any further you’ll fall and you’ll hurt yourself. And then I look for something to hold on to but I can’t find it, and then the nice feeling is gone because all I can feel is fear. And then I get angry. I used to think I was angry at you, but now I realise I’m actually angry at myself for being afraid…”

    Should there be a “what do you think” after that?



  25.  #25Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    How do guys feel about being called “beautiful”? Such as in “your beautiful face”….? Anyone know?



  26.  #26Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    there is so much to love in my life. some of them are material and superficial but I don’t care..it makes me happy. I love my apartment with granite counter tops that i decorated and it is sooo magazine perfect pimptastic.

    i love the book i am working on

    i love that i am going places, wherever i want to go, i’ll end up there

    i love my wardrobe. i have so many wonderful stylish clothes

    i love that i have 20+ pair of sexy shoes. this is something i always wanted when i was a little girl.

    i love my hair. brazilian keratin treatment was the best money i ever spent

    i love my beautiful jewelry. i love how the nicest things i have are items my suitors gave me.

    i love that a male stranger tells me i am beautiful almost every day.

    more to come…



  27.  #27Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    what i think is that beautiful for describing something about a man is a much deeper compliment than handsome. i feel like when i call something on a man beautiful, i mean it in a divine, cosmic sort of way. but when a woman is called beautiful, it means profoundly pleasing to the eye and heart.

    i stick with handsome, unless i’m trying to be deep.



  28.  #28Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Thanks Dorothea. What if I’m not “trying to be deep” but that’s just the word that comes to my mind? (maybe I’m being deep without trying??)



  29.  #29Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    I feel surprised that you feel “frumpy” and “ugly” even though a male stranger tells you you’re beautiful almost every day….



  30.  #30Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Re: #12… While walking tonight, and thinking about that issue, I heard Daria’s voice in my head saying, “Sink into the lonely feeling.”



  31.  #31Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Thanks, Daria. Good idea!



  32.  #32Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    lucy, don’t you know that every person who feels compelled to tell me randomly that i am beautiful is doing it out of pity for me because they’ve never seen anyone so ooglay?

    and if it’s not out of pity it’s because they’re attracted to disgusting things, and they are supremely in need of psychiatric intervention.



  33.  #33Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    I’m thinking of contacting WH.

    Yikes!!

    Help!!



  34.  #34Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    I went to the club! I felt my pelvis! Some of my heart too..,

    I was so hoddess, my head was up and my gravity in my hops so I took up space in a way people couldn’t throw me offbalnce. Even if I was feeling total fear… Still there’s my pelvis hehe so what If my face is a mask and my tummy is tight, I can feelmy big heavy pelvis like I’m a huge fertility goddess.

    I kept hitting stances because being aware of pelvis doesn’t let one look or stand ungracefully.

    Men were laughing because i was obviously turning them on haha. It rocked.

    I saw former cd there, he came and wrapped himself around me, I kinda just felt unnmoved.

    He said the last time I was rude to him… I felt mad robbery this and primptly walked far away. I looked people in the eye, tho not really open yet, just ghz my attention was on pelvis and face was like a mask. I am queen. I sat in cool spots – I felt overwhelmed – that sensory sensitivity Lg was talking about, but this time noticed it and it didn’t run me.

    Cuz there was always my pelvis.

    IT feels like I’m hearing peoples thoughts hehe overwhelm they’re everywhere… But now I don’t have to pay attention! To my head energy yay… I just let it storm flow, get in my pelvis, hips coming through, hips rotating



  35.  #35Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    No, I didn’t know that, Dorothea.



  36.  #36Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    Dorothea – I’m starting to think people actually find ‘disgusting’ things attractive and are scared, so like the more we embrace disgustingneaa about ourselves the better we feel.

    Like sperm or period blood or urine and stuff.

    This concept works for me.



  37.  #37Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Daria, I’m not really sure if you’re dissing me as being disgusting or what you’re talking about.



  38.  #38Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    lucy, what do u want to say to WH?



  39.  #39Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    I don’t have to be friendly, or nice, I don’t have to worry about fights haha I am in my pelvis. I had a girl twice my size leaning on me, I got in my hips and held her up easy. She wiped her hand on my face —

    I don’t stain like apple juice on marble

    It’s amazing how I can glow goddess w my head up straight in front of everyone… Even after someone wiped her hand on my face, yeah I feel a lol angry, I could have told her that…

    The amazing thing was I still looked like a goddess, my neck didn’t drop my head, I’m unstainable… I breathed get hand energy In and melted it to make me More, yeah…

    When I felt uncomfortable with a situation I turned my back to it…

    Girls told me I’m so pretty men said the same … Yeah…

    I was with my girls with the awesome bodies they have ‘ disgusting’ things about themselves too they’re very freaky almost like trannies… I felt like I was flanked by the Furies… It was really awesome

    I felt powerful



  40.  #40Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    “Like sperm or period blood or urine and stuff.”

    That was on Law and Order SVU last night — a guy hooked a camera into the inside back of a toilet in a public restroom and watched it on his computer.



  41.  #41Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    Dorothea – nono… No Dissing…

    Saying disgusting is sexy and attractive, i embrace my disgustingneas feels good…

    I dono I was thinking bout this the other day, that a lot of stuff we call disgusting is actually stuff we like, and the more open with it we are the more we feel open.

    Like sperm and how people think it’s disgusting etc etc

    I will see if better words come up to express thus for me but basically it cones down to the parts were afraid are disgusting are our best assets something like that.



  42.  #42Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    If we didn’t feel attracted to it we wouldn’t think it’s disgusting, we wouldn’t notice it.



  43.  #43Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Disgusting : thought.

    Feeling: attracted and afraid



  44.  #44Frenchkitty on November 14, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Hello Lucy!
    The last guy I told “you’re beautiful” answered with “I know”! Not the response I expected! But I’ve since realised people tell him this all the time. So I will be more careful with this word in future…

    Hello Dorothea!
    This last post 32 shocks me. You sound so smart normally, but this is really unreasonably hard on yourself! People do not go round telling ugly people they’re beautiful out of pity. Especially not when they have stylish clothes and sexy shoes and beautiful jewellery… why would they pity you, even if you WERE ugly (I’m sure you’re not!).

    By the way, strangers frequently tell me I’m beautiful too; so now I answer with a smile and say “I know!” Try it; always makes me feel good.



  45.  #45Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Well, Dorothea, I might want to tell him I saw his face in my fb newsfeed and wanted to say hi and was curious if he was having any luck in finding someone to help him forget.



  46.  #46Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Lucy lol well he’s certainly got it figured out



  47.  #47Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    French kitty – your speech sounds cool but I wonder if it’s intent is ‘explaining’ not so cool? Feeling confused as to what purpose of thus speech is, and think to create connection it’s best to use in the moment feeling messages not necessarily about the relationship



  48.  #48Frenchkitty on November 14, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Daria 43…. very good point about disgust. There’s a theory that says that we are disgusted by things that remind us we’re physical beings (and not just spiritual entities), and therefore mortal. Personally, I don’t find sperm disgusting; nor menstrual blood; and I can deal with pee. However, I am really not good with sick and shit… I think it’s the smell!!!



  49.  #49Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Disgusting is in the eye/nose of the beholder/smeller. My ex-h loves the smell of manure on the fields around here. UGH! I hate it. I would much rather smell my Indonesian Ginger candle.



  50.  #50Daria on November 14, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    Frenchkitty – yeah! That was part of it! I thought ok, the more I embrace my disgust ( I was stepping barefoot in grass w animal poo in places). The more natural I feel. And I love feeling natural.

    Feeling excited 19 man just messages me asking for my number… I wonder if he’s back



  51.  #51Daria on November 14, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    I told new handsome man I felt bothered that I hadn’t seen him Friday… He had said we would… He wants to see me tomorrow now.., mm… Not making excuses I don’t want to think you don’t do way you say handsome man feels line a turnoff.

    He had asked me before I said that to go to a hotel friday lol I said no hotel…



  52.  #52Daria on November 14, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    I feel giddy remembering how I felt. My dreams are coming true the world is changing yah!



  53.  #53Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    pouty pout pout



  54.  #54Daria on November 14, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    How I felt at the club. How my gravity in my pelvis makes me feel strong and beautiful. How I’m radiating goddessness because the way my body carries me. Mmm. Mmm. It’s magic, magic!



  55.  #55Daria on November 14, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Men will notice me when I have my pelvis heavy and I look in the eyes. And if I let my pussy smile it’s like it tugs in their dick lol they’re like zooom. Lol beeline..



  56.  #56Frenchkitty on November 14, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Daria 47….

    Thank you for taking the time to read it. I’ve realised a lot of stuff about myself recently – see speech, and it’s made me see stuff that’s happened in the relationship in a completely different light. I’ve realised that I’ve been unauthentic with this guy a lot of the time (because of my fears). I’m starting to redress this balance; last time I saw him I told him I’d been telling him what I thought he wanted to hear rather than what I really felt. That was really hard for me to do, but had quite an amazing effect; he related to me in a completely different way. So part of the purpose of the speech is to see whether this can be continued, and whether any kind of relationship between us is workable.
    But just for me, I want to explain because it’s generally a moment in my life where I’m clearing out the bullshit I’ve built up around myself because of my fear. And I’m dealing with my fear just by saying it. Whatever he does then, I know I’ll feel better just for having overcome my fear of being open with him.



  57.  #57sia on November 14, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    hi dorothea,

    I read on the other thread about how you are feeling low today.
    I am not sure whether this will feel good, from a stranger too:

    When i read that you are passionate about grammar, it made my day. After that I told all my friends about you, an anonymous person on an unspecified internet site. I raved about how I am not the only one, and not alone anymore.

    It felt sooo good. I think I will never forget you:)



  58.  #58Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    @32: Dorothea says:
    “lucy, don’t you know that every person who feels compelled to tell me randomly that i am beautiful is doing it out of pity for me because they’ve never seen anyone so ooglay?
    and if it’s not out of pity it’s because they’re attracted to disgusting things, and they are supremely in need of psychiatric intervention.”

    Dorothea, I just saw this post after I had already copied your earlier post about the weather. But this is more important. I was planning to say “Dorothea, you are probably beautiful; although I’ve never seen you. I do know now that I took myself for granted, the way I looked too.

    About 25 years ago this older woman at my office would sit and marvel about my chin line and I’d think SHE needed psychiatric intervention; I could not figure out what in the world she was talking about; I wasn’t even all that slim about a size 12. Now, yeah, now i get it. My chin line is not the same. Oh, well…

    I could bet myself that you do that too, i don’t know for sure but I bet you do. Take for granted or even don’t like the way you think you look. Dorothea, there are probably hundreds of thousands of women who would love to look just like you do. I’m guessing you are not convinced of that. Do you have your photo on an online dating site? I bet you’ve had some responses… yes?

    If you are suffering from PMS, have you tried evening things out by supplementing with bio-identical progesterone cream? Research it a bit, it could be helpful.

    Winter is coming; autumn is my favorite time of year, especially late September and October when the days are warm and the nights are cool. I feel the excitement I used to feel when I was returning to school after a long summer even though I enjoyed my summer vacations very much. It’s like new beginnings!!! I like to take walks and crunch through the colorful fallen leaves; sometimes pick some up, bring them home and put them in a large glass bowl.

    I believe it’s OK for me to be sad sometimes, nostalgic, disappointed, upset, even pining for some guy or a relationship that is in my imagination but not quite in reality. That’s when I start walking, my mother taught me that. I start walking and looking around and my sense of well being perks up. Just a suggestion for you, Dorothea. I think it’s fun.

    Late November brings thoughts of Thanksgiving, family gathering and upcoming Christmas celebration preparation, songs, lights, shopping, first snowflakes, yummy smells in the kitchen. I feel cozy with myself.

    This Thanksgiving will be a celebration of me with me for me. The rest of my small family is traveling to be with other relatives and I will not be going. So I am planning some treats for myself.

    Although i will have dinner with a friend i will not rely on that for my “holiday spirit.” I’ll do some “phone visits” with siblings but mostly it will be Thanksgiving for myself. I will be have a gratitude day and do things for myself. There is a lot to be excited about. One little thing is I really want to make this Thanksgiving “stuffing” that’s also a low carb dish; I’m looking forward to doing that.

    It’s pretty much up to me to keep myself happy. I don’t believe anyone on the blog is saying anything out of pity but perhaps out of sharing, like I am, ways to keep happiness flowing.

    SLV



  59.  #59Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    SLV, thank you.
    thanks to errybody

    lucy,
    do u still feel like calling wh?



  60.  #60Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    I feel like fb msging him, Dorothea.



  61.  #61Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    My only reason for NOT doing it is to try to make something happen by NOT doing it. Isn’t that attachment to the outcome of leaning back behavior? which would make leaning back actually leaning forward?

    But leaning forward would also be leaning forward bc I would of course hope for a positive response.

    So either way I am leaning forward which sucks.



  62.  #62Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    26: Dorothea says:
    “…i love my beautiful jewelry. i love how the nicest things i have are items my suitors gave me.
    i love that a male stranger tells me i am beautiful almost every day.
    more to come…”

    Dorothea, I should have read ahead…you’ve got more goodies than I do…can I buy some from you? 😀

    SLV



  63.  #63Daria on November 14, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Frenchkitty – cool! So you’re doing it for you to expand your confirm zone w urself by sharing with him. Nice!

    Even just realizing for myself is enough. Sharing because I Want to and to enbrace myself publicly is awesome and feels liberating.



  64.  #64Frenchkitty on November 14, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Daria again…
    I do get however what you say about in the moment feeling messages. Only the last couple of times I tried that “I feel under lots of pressure about my house move”, etc., I became aware that that was a pathetic excuse for a feeling message, when what I really felt was “I found out why things couldn’t work between us and why you don’t trust me, and I’m dying to share this with you but I don’t know where to start”. Which I’ve been feeling pretty all the time since my enlightenment has started! So it’s what I’m expecting to feel tomorrow too… I just need to get the words clear in my head… Thank you again



  65.  #65Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    slv
    we could just share. i didn’t pay for any of these and the ones i bought myself, i paid 30 bucks or less because the universe loves to send me luxury items for low prices.

    that’s how i got my big plasma tv for free. but then i gave it back because i got mad at tv. it kept sucking my life from me. i miss it now in my loneliness. but i love how just as easily a plasma tv can come to me, i can say no to it comfortably without feeling like i won’t get something so nice in my life again sometime soon.

    i still love my life for many reasons. going to get clothes out of dryer and then more to come. hooray



  66.  #66Daria on November 14, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Lucy – either way I’m still leaning forward. Yes. Do a 180 degree fully turn your back to him and fb, and get furious about something else.

    Really helps when a man was just flirting w me and is now talking to my friend.



  67.  #67Daria on November 14, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Get Curious! Furious might be interesting.



  68.  #68Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Daria, get furious about something else? Why furious?



  69.  #69Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    lol. ok, curious.



  70.  #70sia on November 14, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    daria
    disgust is supposedly an adaptive evolutionary trait response.
    pee, pus, bllod, urine, snot etc. are good vectors for infectious diseases, and people (subconsciously) noticed the link between being in contact with body fluids and getting sick.
    Same thing with rats and mice, although fear would work here just as well.



  71.  #71Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    Yeah, I’m working on editing my book, and it is long and tedious and kinda overwhelming, so I check in every now and then on fb and rori’s blog, and he keeps coming to mind….



  72.  #72Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    I kinda like pus, sia



  73.  #73Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    “The goal here is for you to feel like a “rock Star Free Spirit” and to be able to do ANYTHING you WANT!”

    Yeah Rori, I feel like a diva rock star. I’m doing whatever I want and that feels great!

    So now I don’t chat SG up anymore. Saw him online a few times I just ignored him (he’s online now). It feels much better when he initiates it.



  74.  #74Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    lucy i am working on editing a book too! that’s rad. do u feel comfortable sharing what kind of book it is? i feel quite curious!



  75.  #75sia on November 14, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    🙂 lucy

    I like to squeeze it out. I always feel: job well done!



  76.  #76Frenchkitty on November 14, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    Oh, and about Daria 50….
    I think this idea about embracing disgust is great. Personally I love having sex when I’m menstruating, I feel particularly womanly and I love the gooey messyness of it! Sadly not all men are cool about it!
    Maybe they should embrace their disgust too…



  77.  #77Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Dorothea, it’s my story of raising a child with cystic fibrosis. What’s yours about?



  78.  #78sia on November 14, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Katariana,

    that is exactly what I have thought about you all along.
    Kindly (and gently) bear with us who are struggling to get there:)



  79.  #79Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    @64: frenchkitty says:
    “I found out why things couldn’t work between us and why you don’t trust me, and I’m dying to share this with you but I don’t know where to start”.

    Wait a minute, frenchkitty. If the guy didn’t trust you, wouldn’t he ALREADY know why he didn’t trust you and you would not have TO TELL HIM. Wouldn’t he TELL YOU?

    Do you mean you are dying to share with him that you are “reading his mind?” Gee, I dunno, this seems unusual to me. And that’s a mighty long speech too. What might a man say that would elicit that response? Maybe the experienced sirens could discuss.

    SLV



  80.  #80Nancy on November 14, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Oops didn’t see this new post from Rori and posted on the “Snack” post, so am reposting it here:

    Love this metaphor, Rori! Love it! I put my man of 2.5 yrs in a doggie bag a month ago and am eating at different restaurants now and having a pretty good time. I feel so much better about myself and… happy. I love my house, my life and myself again. I feel really good! Thank you for all you give us here!

    I’m also feeling some sting as a result of my decision to really do circular dating and would love to hear what you all think.

    1. Man of 2.5 yrs in doggie bag. Told him that while he’s thinking we may be incompatible I need to be open to meeting other men and start dating. He says okay.

    2. Left the door open for him and got on Match, with Rori’s Tools and a new book to me, “The List” guiding me. (The List is amazing and I highly recommend it. It gives you a quick, easy way to identify right up front how interested a man is and how to track his level of interest as you start dating him. I love, love, love it.)

    3. First man to email me sends lovely email. I respond. He calls. He asks me out. We have a nice day together.

    4. Same man continues to ask me out, brings flowers, a LOVELY, thoughtful gift, buys my meals, takes me to fabulous places and asks what my fav diamond cut is.

    5. Same man asks me to be exclusive on our 2nd date. I explain that I want to keep dating, that it’s my way of taking care of myself, that I love and value myself. He insists, saying he’d be crushed if I were to be going out with other men. I actually capitulated and immediately regretted it (this is a big milestone for me – I caught it immediately).

    6. I explain the next day that I was untrue to myself when I agreed to exclusivity and answer his questions about why I want to continue dating as honestly, gently and thoughtfully as I can.

    7. He becomes more and more morose and sad on subsequent dates. He tries to convince me and says some things that felt like they were said in the spirit of wanting to make me feel bad about continuing to date. He looks for me on Match and emails me there to show me he’s seen me there.

    8. Fun date with him last night. Dinner theater in Seattle with dancing and fantastic food. I got really dressed up in my new CK black satin dress and had an amazing time. I felt so beautiful.

    9. I get the following email from him today: After talking to you today I felt really odd about our tentative relationship, I almost called you back but then decided to write since I wasn’t sure what to say or even what I wanted to say. When I joined Match it was to find someone that wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with them, when I first talked to you and even first met you I felt an attraction that I hadn’t felt for someone in a long time, the first few days were great and I truely felt that you were attracted to me but after you told me that you were going to keep yourself open to dating things have felt different, it may be all in my mind but you feel distant, and you still looking on Match makes me feel like I’m just the one until you find something better. Even if we ended up together I don’t want to feel like you settled for me. I know that I have alot to offer a woman, my love, devotion and loyalty. In my heart I often just don’t feel that there is even a seed of affection growing for me in yours. I know we have a good time when together but thats not enough for me I need to feel needed and wanted. this isn’t a break up letter but just me trying to state my feelings and asking you to look at yours, I don’t want to be hurt anymore while at the same time I don’t want to lose you if this is all in my mind.

    10. I write back and let him know I’m feeling tired today and need a little time to respond (true). I tell him that I promised myself I will date until I’m engaged this time around and that I want to honor that for myself and that I will look inside and give him an honest response as to how I’m feeling about him and that he can expect to hear from me within the next day or so.

    11. I get the following from him: Nancy its Ok, I think if I meant something to you, you could tell me now and not have to think about it or at least say that part, I want a woman that knows she wants to be with me, I don’t want want you to have to think about it, it should be in your heart even if it was a little bit. I guess I’m too much of a romantic, relationships/love shouldn’t be hard or difficult or have so many rules. I feel that you are over thinking it somewwhat but you are you and if thats what you need I wish you the best. I feel bad even writing this because I had already begun to care for you, but like you said you have to protect yourself and I have to protect myself. If you find yourself missing me later and decide that maybe I might be someone you are interested in long term please by all means call/write – I still care.

    I’m feeling nervous that every man I date who becomes more than a little interested in me will have the same reaction to my wanting to date other men. I’m open to this man and would be happy to keep seeing him. I’m not having any “this is it” feelings or huge sparks right now but I’m totally open to him growing on me. He’s zeroing in on me and doesn’t want to see me if I date other men, which I totally intend to do.

    Any feedback, ladies?

    XXOO
    Nancy



  81.  #81Frenchkitty on November 14, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    OK, my sleeping pill is kicking in and I have a heavy day tomorrow. Thank you for your support Daria…
    I will let you know how it goes!



  82.  #82Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    lucy, i am excited about your book

    mine is about women favoring legalization of marriage in tijuana.



  83.  #83Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Daria Daria Daria

    Any other ideas since I can’t really get curious about something else since I am busy with this project?



  84.  #84Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Thanks, Dorothea. I am excited about your book too!



  85.  #85Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    @Dorothea says:
    “…that’s how i got my big plasma tv for free….”

    LOL, you are blessed and lucky too! You should print out your last couple of posts and tape them to your dresser mirror…just as reminders… 😆

    SLV



  86.  #86Jennifer on November 14, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    “don’t you know that every person who feels compelled to tell me randomly that i am beautiful is doing it out of pity for me because they’ve never seen anyone so ooglay?”

    Oh, Dorthea…don’t you know people are not so altruistic? If they think yer ugly they look you sqare in the face and say “well, you ARE ugly, arent’ you?” even if you’re in a group at church. Conversely they will ask you where the beautiful girl went if you’re not her. So if they’re chasing you down the street for your number, rest assured my love, you are not ugly.



  87.  #87Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    nancy…i feel impressed by you and you boundaries. i don’t think ur being unreasonable with the man. just think – he spends his time complaining about not being the only man in your life instead of his time and effort going into inspiring you to choose him as the only man in your life.

    i feel like this man is trying to control u. the way he is like if you don’t answer me now then you don’t care about me. you showed you care by acknowledging his email and promising to keep it on your priority list.

    he is just throwing a tantrum. BUT, this is common for men hearing that they’re not going to be the only one in your life. and i think it’s important to be forgiving at first.

    whenever i’ve gone thru this with other men, they end up continuing to date me anyway, eventually concluding that they have to prove they are better than the other guys and that’s what they’ll do.

    stick to your boundaries. if you feel like being forgiving to this man, you can email him again and gently remind him you did care so you acknowledged his email and made it enough of a priority to not leave him hanging or blow it off. then you can let him know that you felt bullied or cornered, and you don’t want that and won’t tolerate it. then u tell him how you feel one more time about not being exclusive, and lean back.

    this is what MY formula has been for dealing with guys who react that way to the no girlfriend thing. please dont feel obligated to do things how i do them.



  88.  #88Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    I just remembered something one of the Sirens said awhile back. Who was it?? She said she thinks that maybe when we start thinking about a man it’s bc he is thinking about US.



  89.  #89Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    jennifer you are one hot mama, sorry you’re still feeling bothered by that guy asking where the beautiful girl went. i want to kick his ass!



  90.  #90Simply Shannon on November 14, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Nancy, Your man sounds just like Mr. Manly Man. I personally feel really weird being pressured by someone immediately after I’ve met them. I don’t know you man. Back off. I don’t feel safe being exclusive with someone I don’t know. It feels better to…

    Daria, Daria, Daria – can you help? You’re a pro at the no-girlfriend speech. Gotta go find the CD speech you wrote on the other post.



  91.  #91Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Oh yippee. (sarcasm.) Noodle1 has added me as a favorite. I’m not gonna even bother to look.



  92.  #92Jennifer on November 14, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    dorthea..
    I feel smilie you wanna kick his ass. I wish I didn’t still hear him in my head.
    I’m gonna down him out with oral sex.



  93.  #93Jennifer on November 14, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    We’re having a judo christmas party. It’s casual dress but I wanna look nice. On a scale of one to ten…how lean forward is it to buy a new outfit for a casual party?
    What kinda outfit?
    Hmmmm………….



  94.  #94Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    I’m getting closer to msging WH. It’s either that or eat something.



  95.  #95Jennifer on November 14, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    no, no Lucy…message me on FB! I’m all bored and stuff…watching paranormal state with my mom!!!
    USE ME!!! I’m here!



  96.  #96Simply Shannon on November 14, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    Jennifer, Shopping to adorn the goddess in lovely amazing clothes is never lean forward. If Rori ever says that shopping is lean forward, I’m doomed and will forever be banished from the island.



  97.  #97Jennifer on November 14, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    YEE HAWWWW (double shotgun blast) WE ARE SHOPPING!!!!
    Im trying to talk one of the girls into wearing jammies with me!
    Bwahahahahahah! JAmmies!



  98.  #98Simply Shannon on November 14, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Lucy, Messaging a man (done it with A and Mr. Fab Kisser) only temporarily relieves the discomfort/ loneliness I feel. Then it all comes roaring back right after I click send. The NVs immediately pop up and say “he would never have contacted you if you hadn’t contacted him”. Boo. Stay fa fa away from FB.



  99.  #99Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Sia, thank you, my lovely! 🙂

    Y’all are getting there, don’t you worry. It takes some life experience.



  100.  #100Renee on November 14, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Nancy — It’s up to each of us to decide how we want to proceed with our dating processes — whether we’re open to exclusivity without engagement/living together or not and only you can decide what process you feel is the right one for you to follow.

    I will say this, though, it seems awfully early in the relationship for this guy to give you an ultimatum, which is basically what he’s doing. Conventional wisdom surrounding men who pressure you to become exclusive right away is that they’re insecure — I don’t know this man and obviously can’t say if that’s an issue for him, but I’ve read that more than once.

    If you were as bowled over by him as he is by you at this point, it might be worth it to try a “trial” of exclusivity for a limited time to see if he continues to step up and is legitimately moving towards a comittment with you and if not, you could always pull out cd’ing as your fallback position. As it is, however, with your current feelings, it just doesn’t seem wise make a commitment like that to him when you’re feeling so unsure of your feelings for him.

    Some men will understand your continuing to want to date others for at least 2 or 3 months before they insist on more of a commitment — others will run as soon as you mention the possibility. If they do that, they’re obviously not they right guys for you, imo. What do you think?

    My thoughts, however, don’t necessarily line up with what Rori teaches verbatim, so I’m sure you’ll get other advice from other sirens here on the island. I personally have no problem with becoming exclusive with one man AFTER he’s shown over an extended time that he’s willing to step up and AFTER he’s demonstrated a deep attraction to me on several levels. I would hate to let a really special man in my life go after several months of dating just because I was unwilling to try things his way “for a while” to see how it goes, but then again, that’s just my opinion. If I do this in the future, I actually plan telling him that the exclusive arrangement is for only a limited time and that if we aren’t continuing to move forward towards my ultimate goal, I will resume dating others. And it goes without saying that I would have to have deep feelings for this man in order to even consider such an arrangement. Don’t know how that will work, but that’s my plan at this point anyway. What do you think?



  101.  #101Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    What a disgusting coincidence!!! I went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea, and felt something wet on the bottom of my foot as I walked across the rug. I looked down, and Grrross!!! my dog had apparently rubbed his poopy butt across the rug!! GAG!!! ICK EWW YUCK.



  102.  #102tinque on November 14, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    SLV – Ah I have my secrets…Actually I have Rori’s ear.
    xxoo



  103.  #103Renee on November 14, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Lucy — I agree with SS — msging WH will only temporarily relieve your feeliings of loneliness/anxiety, but they will return with a vengence afterwards, regardless of how/if he responds…you’ll always wonder if he would ever have stepped up on his own…what do you think?



  104.  #104Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    @91: Lucy says:
    “…Oh yippee. (sarcasm.) Noodle1 has added me as a favorite. I’m not gonna even bother to look…”

    Gasp, he’s “The One.” D:

    But, he really could be…

    OTOH…maybe his username is warning of a chronic “limp” disorder…? 😆

    SLV



  105.  #105Daria on November 14, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Dis – I’ve heard that. I felt kinda oust reading it here.. Like I feel unread and put a cover on… I don’t want to go for the agreed upon theory.

    Mice rock they’re pets and rats too, hehe
    And urine is healthy

    A lit of magic works w natural stuff, can be messy.

    I even love my pop, but yes I feel glad I’m not into like, eating it if it’s unhealthy, I think I can like know wassup without getting mire scared of it than need be..
    Um laying on the grass next to sone small poo rite now lol. Poo is good fertilizer yummy food for the earth from me! And other animals.



  106.  #106Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    I’m reposting my response to Nancy here:

    Nancy, what a lovely orderly post you did! (I can tell you’re a very organized and analytical person, just like me -apart from the organized thing which I’m not so much other than in the thinking/writing dept. ).

    So, he is the first man who wrote you on match and how lucky you are that he shows so much interest. Problem is, I feel you are not really feeling it. Am I right? It’s not the instant chemistry thing.

    I can understand you want to keep dating (first man!! you want your subscription worth the period you are paying for ) . If I may ask, how long have you two seen each other?

    And you are open-minded enough that you might feel something more for him with time. That’s a good attitude: from my experience, women -when there is some reasonable attraction- can melt and fall in love when a man is very persistent to romance her. It happened to me a few times (and of course the last was with my Seattle man).

    If SG asks to be exclusive with me one of these days, that’ll be hard for me as well because I want to make sure I’m really done and over with my husband. Right now I feel myself swinging back and forth between the two depending on time of days.

    Nancy, bottom line is: we need to find a man who is really into us, that makes life so much easier for us women because we can’t chase men. The mechanics has always been men chase, and women respond, not the other way around. If you find just a mild attraction to this guy, it can change drastically when new things are introduced into the equation (like sex). He’s a romantic man, the sort of man who will make you feel sexy, wonderful and all womanly.

    Tell him to give you more time to really feel settle with yourself and with the idea of being exclusive with him. During that period, try to really open yourself to be taken by him. See if you can actually fall in love and be in love with this man. Let him romance you and make him all feel good inside (that’s how we fall in love).

    Yes I support you to want to keep dating (because I know when a woman feels so strong about a guy, she won’t think twice about being exclusive).

    Do both. Experiment and it’ll become clearer in a few months. And explain to him why you need to do this (that women tend to get clingy/needy when we put all our eggs in one basket that drive men away).

    Good luck to you.



  107.  #107Senior Lady Vibe on November 14, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    @Jennifer
    “…how lean forward is it to buy a new outfit for a casual party? What kinda outfit?..”

    Nope, not leaning forward…you should look gorgeous while you are leaning back. Whatever the “dress code” is for the party, wear your most fab version.

    SLV



  108.  #108Simply Shannon on November 14, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    I feel furious.

    Doing the effin’ walk away before I say something to release this anger cuz surely it will come roaring back to me.

    I feel smug as a mother trucker.

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  109.  #109Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Ok, thanks everyone. You have convinced me to not msg WH. But I am going to go upstairs and check my phone in case maybe (miraculously) he has texted me.

    And, SLV, I will check out Noodle1 just to take my mind off WH.



  110.  #110Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    Shannon!! What’s wrong????



  111.  #111Jennifer on November 14, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    SS….what the problem is?
    I feel concerned!
    Be a smug mother trucker …..but then DISH!!!
    It helps to riff…



  112.  #112Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    nope. noodle1 is not the one.



  113.  #113Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Shannon! Come back! I feeeeelllll currrrrrriousssssss!



  114.  #114Turtle Girl on November 14, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    Nancy-

    I just wen through this exact same thing with one of my cd men. He just kept pressuring me to date only him and basically it was a subtle threat that if I would not be exclusive he would walk.

    I gave in, and he walked anyway. Too long a story but he was very insecure and had a really bad anger problem that came out as time went on. Glad I did not keep him.

    Maybe this is your guy, maybe it isn’t but you just recently got rid of a long ltr and the guy never stepped up, why do it this soon until you have experience dating and cd’ing a while. I’m just saying and asking you to really feel what you feel. Do you really like this man enough to give up your options at this point? There are lots of men out there. And lotz that do not step up.

    This whole thing has been hard for me to square because the tables have been turned for soooooo long and men have gotten lazy and used to having women cater to them. It’s a mess and I am still very confused about how this can really work. But I am sticking with it. I just lost another possible cd guy who after one date never called again because he asked if I was dating others and did not want to even try and compete. Men here in the Northwest are passive as hell. It has been maddening finding even one who will step up. It makes me crazy.



  115.  #115Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Turtle Girl,
    Really about NW men being passive? I guess I’m lucky to have met one that isn’t. It says a lot then, doesn’t it?

    That brings to mind SG’s best buddy who loaned us the cabin whom he said was a real great guy but never seemed to be able to “seal the deal” with women.



  116.  #116sia on November 14, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    daria,
    sorry! for me science is fascinating and poetic and flowy. I keep getting into trouble with people whom i bore with it.

    We just managed to get rid of rats at work. We were all worried of dying after drinking from a drink can on which a rat has urinated. I still felt very sorry for them. What I imagine and hope, they did not suffer from the poison – it is the one which impairs clotting of blood.



  117.  #117life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    61. Luzy Yes, a not-doing can still be a doing with an agenda, aka, leaning forward. You’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t, youre still trying to make things happen according to a plan and a timetable.

    I’m not sure how to explain it, or how exactly it happens, but there is this tipping point where you are truly and genuinely not attached to things looking or playing out a certain way.

    The intention is pure. You are going about your business and happy about it. You are genuinely interested in meeting all kinds of people and dating.

    The agenda disappears, so you don’t care what happens, you are just enjoying your life and things don’t have to present a certain way.

    I think it might have to do with when you make your true desire known to the Universe and then you let it go. You do your best with the tools you have been given that you believe in, and you have faith and trust that what is best for you will show up in one way or another, and you will recognize it and be surprised.



  118.  #118Siena on November 14, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Lucy, #18, I basically always feel like that. Esp when I get close to a man, it brings up old lonely feelings. I used to fight them, and recently I’ve just been allowing them.

    I feel too tired to try to cover up the bad or unattractive stuff anymore.

    Nowadays it’s like, “ya, hi LI, I’m Siena. I can get pretty needy and clingy sometimes. I you leave bc of It, that’s fine, you’re free to go whenever you want and I won’t chase you. I’m also a fantastic kisser/woman/lover and can make you feel like the luckiest man on earth if you stick around. When I’m feeling needy and clingy, I will express it. One day, hopefully this will heal. But it’s not healed yet, and so if you want to be with me, you’re gonna have to deal.”

    Of course, I don’t actually say those things, but I know it’s totally in my vibe.



  119.  #119Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    Gina, thanks. Am I? Not eventually. I definitely am a one-man woman. With the right one, that is.



  120.  #120tinque on November 14, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    You know what Siena? There’s nothing wrong with being needy and clingy sometimes. We all feel needy at times.
    Whenever I feel it overwhelming me, I say so. “I’m feeling really needy right now. I need a hug really badly. May I have one please?”
    And my spontaneous vulnerability melts HIM. He’s happy to oblige and tells me there’s more where that came from.
    So if occasional normal neediness scares a man away, try asking yourself if this is really someone you want.
    xxoo



  121.  #121Siena on November 14, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    I had a breakthrough last night on a date. We were driving hone, and there was a song on – the guy was singing about how he would treat this girl, and protect her, and be good to her, etc etc. And I was totally vibing with it and was feeling, “yes! That’s totally what I want!” Then I realized that the song was a father to his daughter.

    It all clicked for me in a single moment. I never had that. My dad was a fantastic guy, but I never felt protected by him (although I’m sure I was.) I’ve been looking for that in the men I’ve dated. Looking for someone to take charge and “protect” me rather than be an equal partner.

    Its been a recipe for heartache.

    I don’t quite know what to do with my new aha, but at least it’s surfaced so it can heal.



  122.  #122life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    113 TG

    “I just went through this exact same thing with one of my cd men. He just kept pressuring me to date only him and basically it was a subtle threat that if I would not be exclusive he would walk.”

    I’m starting to have the distinct feeling that this is more common a situation than not. Seems they don’t want to invest time in a woman who has other men in love with her. They also seem not to be very cool with investing emotionally and then being rejected or dumped. They don’t have the degree of masculinity necessary to ruin it for the other men and resort to threats and then giving up. Maybe we are re-wiring things.



  123.  #123tinque on November 14, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Siena – and this is okay too. I had much the same with my dad and looked for it in men. I had to learn to find some of that within, but it’s also K’s job as a man to look after me too, not in a I’m helpless kind of way but in a chivalrous one, as any man in masculine energy would.
    xxoo



  124.  #124Siena on November 14, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Thanks Tinque… I actually like feeling able to feel that way. It is vulnerable, but I feel very strong when I am honest about my neediness. It feels weak to hide it.

    The topic about leaning forward brought this up to me. I’m naturally leaned back, but if I’m with a man and I feel needy, I WILL go to him and tell him I’m feeling needy, need a hug, etc.

    It’s totally leaning forward to do this, but it brings him into my world and gives him a chance to “fix” me, and i believe it can be bonding I don’t chase him around tho – if he rejects me (which hardly has ever happens), I just go take care of myself somehow.



  125.  #125tinque on November 14, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    Siena – there is a distinct difference in energy between a chronically clingy woman demanding attention and someone like you has a shaky moment and asks for solace.
    xxoo



  126.  #126Daria on November 14, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Sia – I feel miscategorized and angry. I love science. I believe magic is part of that for me.

    I did nit feel bored. I felt angry bring told something I was already aware if. I felt my new insights covered and blanketed by old ones that are ‘taught’.

    I don’t want that.

    Thank you for revealing these triggers to me.



  127.  #127Siena on November 14, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Tinque #123, yes! I like being taken care of, looked after etc. But it’s different now. Now it has to be in a way that is soft and feminine, but that doesn’t give away my power.

    As a daughter, I didn’t have the power I now have as a woman. The challenge for me now is to remain in my femininity without turning it into helplesness. Helplessness is the wrong word, I’m totally capable… But you know what I mean!! xo



  128.  #128Siena on November 14, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Tinque #125, thank you for the reassurance!! xoxo



  129.  #129tinque on November 14, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Yes I understand Siena, but you know it’s okay to relinquish your “power” now and then too. It’s okay to completely collapse once in awhile. It doesn’t make you any less able or capable. It’s human.
    xxoo



  130.  #130tinque on November 14, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    🙂



  131.  #131Siena on November 14, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    #129 – I’d LOVE to collapse! In a spa in the Swiss alps with a wonderful guy ;-D



  132.  #132LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    Here you are all 🙂
    Hello Sirens

    There is a question for all, on post 918 of this thread
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/is-your-man-just-a-snack/#comment-75830



  133.  #133sia on November 14, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    Daria,
    you were excited to share your insight. I felt the energy. That brought to mind something that I feel excited and energetic about. (it doesn’t make it less exciting for me that it is taught, or that it is old).

    I was not listening at level 2, but doing the other thing: I know what you mean, and it made me remember this, listen!

    How could I have written the post so that you would not feel weird as a result? Stress that I find the shared explanation magical?



  134.  #134LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    Nancy 80

    oooops me to
    ha ha ha

    I had not scrolled up this thread, sorry

    Here I paste the answer I gave you under your original question 🙂

    924: LonePlum says:

    Nancy 918

    What I would tell him:

    ***That’s precisely why I am Cdaing until I get married.
    Because a man says I am the one and the following day says he does not feel it any more and that it is my fault lol

    I am not on match to look for better than him, I am on match to make sure I will have enough contact to keep busy when he decides he does not feel it for me, exactly like he is doing now. I do not want to feel sad and lonely , I want to have dates to help me go trough it, when he leaves me.

    If I marry him, it would not be because I settled, but because among ALL the brilliant dates to chose from, I chose him
    If I don’t develop feelings for him, I will not marry him, he can be sure of it.
    I will marry another of my dates, the one I will have develop feelings for.
    I am the one who chooses whom I accept, not the way around.
    My choice for him will make him the best.

    It is the woman who does not circular date who settle down with him, when she doesn’t have anybody else to compare with, and when she hurries in saying “I love you” within 2 weeks, not knowing who is “you” yet.

    I want the first infatuation to fade away and make sure the feelings are real, I take my time out of respect for my and his feelings.

    Real feelings will be felt when he will start doing things that influence my real life.
    Right now he is having fun, he is not part of my real life, he is not bringing a change in it yet.
    Going to theaters and dinners is not part of real life, it is part of dating.
    It is not fair of him to ask me to not speak to people when I have to deal with my life on my own and he has not given me the commitment that he will be in my life tomorrow.

    I want my husband to trust me which means he trusted I was not sexually involved with any man while dating him. My husband is the man who will trust me to create his babies and to raise them. Trust is paramount here.

    I want my husband to want me so bad that he will ruin it for others.

    I want my husband to have faith in us and stick around when he fears he could lose me.

    I feel he does not want me so bad, he was just in a hurry to feel love, so he applied on me his expectation of love.

    Which is another reason why I cdate.
    It filters out the men who can’t bother climbing the wall to find me. Only the one who will really want me will stick around and climb that wall .
    It takes only one to marry.

    If I lower my wall, the man who gets me is not the one who really wants me, but he is the first one who happened to pass by and to enter because it costed him nothing to enter.
    It costs nothing to leave either when walls are lowered.
    How the hell do I know if he will stay in my yard?

    I would not feel safe being exclusive with a man who did not fight to win my heart.
    I would always wonder why he is with me?
    Was it because he has low self esteem and I made it easy for him?
    Would he leave with another girl for the same reason if she walked bye?
    Will he next year?
    His job is to make me feel safe by sticking around until we get married.
    I need to feel my husband love as a strong love, not one that runs away if things are not like he wants.***

    Sunday, 14 November 2010 @ 6:04pm



  135.  #135Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    TG:

    “I’m starting to have the distinct feeling that this is more common a situation than not. Seems they don’t want to invest time in a woman who has other men in love with her. They also seem not to be very cool with investing emotionally and then being rejected or dumped. They don’t have the degree of masculinity necessary to ruin it for the other men and resort to threats and then giving up. Maybe we are re-wiring things.”

    It’s a dilemma, isn’t it? If a man doesn’t ask you right away to be exclusive, some may doubt his real intention (Mercedes would say he’s not her type). If he does, then it might come across as him being not so self-confident/masculine, needy, controlling, not having options, etc…

    That’s why I always say: don’t rush to judgment, every man is different because they come from different life experience and current circumstances. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t throw the baby with the bath water only because you project your own expectations/subjective reality of how things should be onto them.

    It’s good to know and go for what you want and your boundaries, yet at the same I think we should balance it with flexibility and the knowing that sometimes things are just not what they appear to be. It’s important not to assume anything about someone’s situations/anyone.

    One of the most striking things about SG is I was so taken by his dating profile. It really resonated with me and he really spoke my language, and when I wrote him I told him that. In it he said about not assuming anything about him (let me find his profile and repost part of it). And he talked about the yin/yang thing.

    i feel blesses he’s so open to this kind of talk and pretty conversant of the subject as well.



  136.  #136life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    135 Kat
    The quote was mine 🙂



  137.  #137LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Jennifer 86

    AMEN 🙂



  138.  #138life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    135 Kat
    The point was about men threatening to leave and actually leaving when the woman doesn’t go for exclusivity because he isn’t stepping up with commitment, or she isn’t sure she wants a commitment from him. So it is him throwing the baby out with the bathwater.



  139.  #139Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    fb college guy just msgd me. Booyah!!



  140.  #140Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Don’t know how to respond though. He’s not necessarily loking to start a convo with it. No questions.

    here it is, what do you think:

    Ciao! hope you had a good weekend. Tried to send you a picture while i was walking at the lake yesterday but my phone is acting screwy. i’ll send it when its acting normal again, beautiful place, you’d love it. Lying in bed thinking of starting a book cause im not really tired yet. Have a happy Monday, hope it’ll be a good week, last full week before thanksgiving break!



  141.  #141Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    This is what he said:

    “Have people told you that you can be a real drag and overly negative (sometimes even mean)? Do you have a hard time controlling your negative assumptions, judgments on yourself, others and your circumstances?

    If so, please do us both a favor and move right along. I wish you well … sincerely, the very best life has to offer! Just not with me, sorry :(”

    He speaks my language, that’s why we get along so famously. I want to copy and paste his whole articulate and very perceptive profile that depicts so much what a man wants in a woman but I feel that’s too intrusive.



  142.  #142Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    LITS, sorry for the misquote.

    “The point was about men threatening to leave and actually leaving when the woman doesn’t go for exclusivity because he isn’t stepping up with commitment, or she isn’t sure she wants a commitment from him. So it is him throwing the baby out with the bathwater.”

    And the point I’m trying to make is, we can judge men inaccurately depending on our own colored glasses whatever end of the spectrum we are presented with as I mentioned in my previous post.

    And your case above, yes, if he’s “sulking” about it he feels like an insecure/needy man (they exist too!).



  143.  #143Daria on November 14, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Sia – I was guessing that your intent was to share excitement and it feels good to read that.

    It doesn’t bother me that it’s taught either… In some ways I can dig it, I use it in my model… As well…

    I felt like … Covered … By the info when I just heard it. I feel angry at that. I don’t want to feel coveted. Donkey kicking that blanky outta there.

    You yourself I feel glad to share excitement together.

    I also like grammar:)



  144.  #144Simply Shannon on November 14, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Hello smug and patronizing mirror. This is Shanaynay. I feel exhausted by your constant one-up-ness. I’m finding it hard to love this image you are presenting to me. I don’t want to hear how much better you are. That b*tch you see in the mirror is ME. Effin-A.

    Vampire Scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I feel unseen. Less than.

    You think you’re better than me? Ha.

    You don’t know sh*t about me…
    I don’t know sh*t about you.
    I know the story I’m making up.
    And let me tell you, it ain’t pretty.

    I don’t wanna hear any more smack or I WILL apply the smack down.

    ~SNN

    It’s Shannon again.

    Where are you smug voice?

    Why here? Why now? Why am I seeing you?

    I am in control now.

    I feel angry. I don’t want… what? What don’t I want? I am making this up as I go. I have no idea.

    I don’t want to feel judged or less than.

    Phew, inner turmoil. [settle down Shanaynay]

    I feel okay. I am perfectly unique and doing this my own way. Maybe this is fear bubbling up. Fear that I’m doing it wrong and somehow another person is “right”? Yeah maybe that’s what this is.

    I’m experimenting. I’ve tried the other way, and it wasn’t working for me. Maybe it works for some but not for me. And maybe it will again but not now.

    And I will continue baby stepping my way through this. No more believing conventional wisdom or text book rules about men or people in general.

    And no more looking down on others doing it their own way. Shesh. I don’t want to reserve an “uh huh, I told you so” in my mind. Yeah, I do that. Not pretty.

    I’m rambling. The trigger feels diffused now.



  145.  #145Daria on November 14, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    For me I want my husband to trust my honesty, nit that I wasn’t sexually involved with another man while dating him. Because I don’t want that at this point… If I will then it’s for me…

    But what he trusts is my honesty



  146.  #146Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    Hmmm me reading that profile would have been judging like this guy seems negative Himself lol… But would probably still give him a chance if I like other stuff… Even though I feel sad in my heart thinking of what he wrote



  147.  #147Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Feeling angry reading shannons post along w her… But not knowing what triggered it hmm



  148.  #148Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Tinque:

    “Yes I understand Siena, but you know it’s okay to relinquish your “power” now and then too. It’s okay to completely collapse once in awhile. It doesn’t make you any less able or capable. It’s human.”

    Yes, I cried early in front of SG at least a couple of times and he was very emphatic about it.

    He said, “you’re so emotional today, it’s all so sweet.” And he would comfort me.

    Now if I do that all the time, I bet he’ll get turned off. Men love unpredictability sometimes.



  149.  #149Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    I took a walk… Warm out… Gravity in my pelvis. I sat down to meditate by a tree and a man w a dog I saw 6 min before came by… Asked what I’m doing.. I said relaxing actually meditating.

    I felt so giddessy tho I started hearing my nvs that usually shut me down, I went back to my pelvis… He chatted w me! How I do it, I said I think of breathing… I felt amazing to not be judged for being a weirdo instead he seemed fascinated. Yes!



  150.  #150Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    I live crying in front of men… It’s so deliciously soft.



  151.  #151Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    #145, Daria:

    I don’t want what I want at this point concerning my relationship with him, so I don’t see how your assumption applies to my case. (if you were talking to me).

    “Hmmm me reading that profile would have been judging like this guy seems negative Himself lol… ”

    How is it so?



  152.  #152Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    He also said:

    “I might not be like most men you’ve met in that I’m truly into deep conversations and desire exceptionally good communication with a woman or it won’t work at all. However, when there is a deeper natural understanding … fewer words are needed.

    You still with me? Do you want to know more about what qualities I am looking for?

    Here it goes:
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    1. I’m into you
    2. You’re into me
    3. You’re “cool”
    4. We have this similar understanding of things”

    There you go….”thinking like a man.”

    And we do have similar understanding of things and he told me more than a few times how much he feels so much closer to me and loves me more because I understand him.



  153.  #153Simply Shannon on November 14, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    Katarina, do you believe that SG understands you/ women?



  154.  #154Turtle Girl on November 14, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    Katrina-

    Yes it is my experience that NW men ARE passive. Compared to where I grew up in the South. Southern men will step up big time and when a woman says no they just keep stepping up as if rejection is nothing to them, it rolls right off their backs. Now some women might find their attitude too much, too big, too cocky, but I have to say these weak wishy washy mamby pamby men I have been finding up here make me want to scream!!!!!!

    But I have been here a while and have loved ones and friends here, so maybe with any luck I will meet another transplanted southern man who will step up! Ha!

    LITS-It does seem to be a common problem, I hear this everywhere, on different blogs, talking to my girlfriends and of course having met over 300 men in the last year of dating. But what is the answer?

    I like Lone Plums post. The fact still remains-it is true just what she posted in #134. When they invest nothing and get their cake and eat it too, then it is nothing to leave. If they have to climb a big wall then it is worth it to them. So NO. I am NOT going to give in and be an exclusive till someone offers me a ring. Not gonna happen. And if the man never comes and steps up then well, I guess at that point I will just go gay……..just kidding………*sigh* muy pissed off and muy frustrated over the wimpy poo men.



  155.  #155life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    142
    Thanks, Katerina

    you wrote:
    “And the point I’m trying to make is, we can judge men inaccurately depending on our own colored glasses whatever end of the spectrum we are presented with as I mentioned in my previous post.”

    Yup. There are too many variables. We don’t know what’s in their head or heart. That’s why I am trying to focus on how being and interacting makes me feel when I am with them and when I am not with them and go from there. It’s going to basically feel right or wrong, which will provide the motivation (or lack of) to work at it from my end.

    “And your case above, yes, if he’s “sulking” about it he feels like an insecure/needy man (they exist too!).”

    They do exist!!



  156.  #156Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    Well. Shanaynay’s post was more than my computer could handle. I actually had to reboot.

    While I was waiting, I got lost in a long lock of hair that fell in front of my face. It was fun. I pulled it between my fingers over and over again, in front of my eyes, feeling its softness, smelling its luscious fragrance, and watching the light reflect off the various shades of brown.

    Now I’m back online, and wondering what it was that triggered Shannon, and hoping it wasn’t something I said.



  157.  #157Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    139-140 Any thoughts anyone? I haven’t responded to him yet. I’m not feeling that clingy needy vibe (in myself) like I was the other night that I wrote about on the beginning of this thread.

    I am wanting to contact WH again though!



  158.  #158life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    154 Turtle Girl

    300 men!!! Whoa! What experience!

    I don’t know what the answer is but I tend to go big time with what LonePlum writes too and we gotta stick to our guns and maybe eventually there will be a shift and a change in the masculine/feminine field back to where it naturally belongs so there will be more men stepping up.



  159.  #159life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    It’s ALL your fault, Lucy. Everything.



  160.  #160Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Lol! Wow, LITS, I didn’t know you knew that! I actually have talked about having a t-shirt made up that says, “It’s all my fault. Always.”



  161.  #161Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Katarina – oh no it wasn’t applying to you and i wasn’t talking to you in particular

    well to me, when a guy says what he doesnt want in a woman in his profile … i have a trigger that says HMM… you must have been receiving this and you’re hurt and don’t want to manifest it, but you’re not embracing it as part of you so it sounds like you’re not taking responsibility for your part in this…

    sooner or later you’re gonna find Me negative …

    you’re focused on rejecting, etc

    that feels uncomfortable for me

    i don’t feel good when people talk about what they don’t want in a profile

    i feel judgemental and sad when i read those



  162.  #162life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    I am kidding Lucy 🙂



  163.  #163Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Yes, Shannon, I feel he does better than most guys. He’s open and very responsive to the yin/yang talk. I sent him a few links about differences between men and women and he enjoyed them.

    See also his chat transcript about how women are better in multitasking and men’s strength -and weakness- is in his ability to laser focus.



  164.  #164Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    That’s the kind of response I feel to them, too, Daria. Exactly.



  165.  #165life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    160 Lucy I want one of those t-shirts! Because it’s ALWAYS my fault, ALL of the time also!



  166.  #166Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    LITS, I knew you were kidding, but I felt surprised at how you sounded exactly like the voice I have in my head!!



  167.  #167Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    I don’t like the — i might not be like most men you’ve met!

    UGH i feel turned off when men talk badly about other men i’ve met

    like total bullshit you don’t even know these people

    the other stuff i find cute and interesting…

    i would give him a chance even with his negative vibe… i’d just be feeling a lil tense



  168.  #168Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    Lucy – I’d respond to fb guy with… Thank You.

    I’d invite WH to join a triple turned foursome next weekend



  169.  #169Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    yeah Daria, it can certainly feel that way. I used to write my profile in “I don’t want” terms and some guys implied that I was bitter. Most understand though.

    But then again that always goes back to the perceiver, doesn’t it?



  170.  #170Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    I’m a touch open to negativity because i feel admiring of straightforwardness in a man, even if he hasnt aquired the secrets of compassion yet…

    i have and we’ll see how well he pleases Me…

    hehe.. but.. it does feel bad to read those

    unlike the cute list of what he does want… tha tfeels fun to read



  171.  #171Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    I am a laser focus feminine jedi master.



  172.  #172Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Katarina – everything is always about the perceiver… for me, i don’t like stuff that feels bad… but im ok with communicating about it and giving guys a chance to please me

    even if i feel judgemental towards them

    tho i find the more i explore my feelings, the easier i discover the dont’ want/boundaries that are the gems of those judgements

    and how to express them without judgement



  173.  #173Daria on November 14, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    i wrote an FB post about how multi-tasking is a non-term since everything is one.

    yum.



  174.  #174life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    On my profile I say, “No solicitors, please”



  175.  #175Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Mmmm…Daria you can read anything -intended or not- into everybody’s profile, it doesn’t mean that’s the reality though.

    Again, assumption… Overanalyzing. And even a tad bit of judgment as you yourself freely admit.

    I don’t usually analyze a man’s profile the way you do. I see the pics, and if I like -or I’m okay with- what I see, I read how proficient he is in expressing himself -to feel him- without dissecting every word he’s using.



  176.  #176Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    “I’d invite WH to join a triple turned foursome next weekend”

    Thanks for the great idea, Daria. I wouldn’t invite WH, though, because I have romantic feelings for him. 😉

    I was, however, seriously thinking of inviting Tattoo Man. I would feel better having someone there who I have already met in person and who would still be around when the weekend is over. 😀



  177.  #177Honey on November 14, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    LITS #174

    LOLOLOL



  178.  #178Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    “i wrote an FB post about how multi-tasking is a non-term since everything is one.”

    I wrote a FB post about how I discovered I can’t text and walk the dog in the dark at the same time.



  179.  #179Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    I analyze the H*ll out of guys’ profile. And I DO judge them and I will keep on. I am careful about screening guys out. And I rarely ever meet anyone that is not a good guy. I’ve maybe met 3 ever and I’ve dated a lot of guys.

    I am a rebel.



  180.  #180Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    And I feel he’s quite accurate about the part “I might not be like most men you’ve met in that I’m truly into deep conversations and desire exceptionally good communication with a woman or it won’t work at all.”

    1. he says “MIGHT” not “I AM”

    2. I heard a lot how men don’t like to talk after you are settled in a relationship (I know my husband didn’t, only when he perceived something wrong). He wasn’t into chit-chat at all. I found it depressing.

    He’s not claiming anything extra ordinary to my knowledge.



  181.  #181Daria on November 14, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    Katarina – i feel a bit unheard

    i too am checking how it feels.. in this case bad in parts and good in others…

    i check what specifically feels bad to me because i want to reject that behavior (speech) not the whole man



  182.  #182Daria on November 14, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    I might not be like most men triggers in me a defense … i feel assumed about and angry



  183.  #183Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    I wonder what my profile would be like if I wrote it in Don’t Want terms. Might be fun to try to write it that way. Wouldn’t post it. Just for an exercise in don’t wanting.



  184.  #184life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    On one guy’s profile he said,

    Whatever happened to two people are attracted to each other, and they just go for it, ups and downs,
    good and bad

    These days everybody has this long list
    I want this, I don’t want that

    I gotta go find it….



  185.  #185Daria on November 14, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    this isnt actually a deal breaker for me.. i give these men a chance, even tho i feel sad about parts of what they write…

    im more interested in how I feel with them… behaviors and even perceptions can change “on a dime”



  186.  #186Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    I prefer to see profiles that show more creativity. Nothing elaborate, just basic simple creativity that shows the man’s personality. Men always say that’s the case about mine. WH’s is that way too. Very attractive to me.



  187.  #187Daria on November 14, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    my profile says

    who do you want to meet: anybody cool



  188.  #188Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Daria, I don’t understand how you can feel angry a lot (Jacq’s response to you about you “no doubt feeling angry” actually made me smile ’cause I see it too). I’m not assuming anything about you, I just can’t relate to your inner turmoil. I don’t feel angry unless something really makes me angry. I mean something “big.”



  189.  #189Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    I don’t analyze a man’s profile. Not at all. Don’t need to. It either appeals to me or it doesn’t.



  190.  #190Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    I will rephrase that in Siren terms: I either feel good seeing the profile or I don’t.



  191.  #191Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    #180

    The negative part might turn me off a little, but not entirely. I usually figure that something negative is being stated because the guy has recently gone through something with someone…I would probably ask him about it, though, to see where he was coming from. But this…

    “I might not be like most men you’ve met in that I’m truly into deep conversations and desire exceptionally good communication with a woman or it won’t work at all.”

    I say, “Yummmm…” That sounds like an intelligent and intellectually curious man who is a good communicator. Yum yum. My favorite flavor.



  192.  #192Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Yup Lucy, exactly, until you meet him you don’t know if you have this thing called “chemistry.” Why waste time analyzing profile?

    At the end, as LITS said, it’s either we are attracted to each other or we are not, the rest is insignificant detail -to start with.



  193.  #193Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    I feel defensive.



  194.  #194Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    Honey:

    “I say, “Yummmm…” That sounds like an intelligent and intellectually curious man who is a good communicator. Yum yum. My favorite flavor.”

    Which he is…. 🙂 I’m glad too.

    Knock on wood though. When things are new everything smells like roses.



  195.  #195Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    I have a huge freakin’ list of what I want and I love my list. If I can’t have what I want, I’d rather go without.

    At the top of my list it says, “Must have a HUGE penis.” jk



  196.  #196Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    My list is short: smart, spiritual, and sexy (which, of course, includes a huge penis) 😀



  197.  #197Jas on November 14, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Hi everyone my name is Jas…I just discovered this website today. Yesterday I found out my boyfriend of a year and a half was cheating on me. Of course I am shocked, hurt etc. I never thought he would be the type to do that. Anyway, here I am a day later ready to move on. I have zero interest in maintaining a friendship or relationship with him. I deserve better! I know i am a catch. I’m attractive,smart,loving. I should be with someone who loves and appreciates me, not some guy who will talk down to me and treat me like crap. This has been a running theme in my love life. I’m ready for a change, I want to be happy and loved! Truly loved! I ordered the DVD’s on circular dating tonight. I hope they come soon. Just reading this website and all of your comments has made the hurt alot less. I don’t have to feel down about or blame myself. I don’t have to think about what the “other woman” has that I don’t. In fact, I feel sorry for her! She’s getting a guy that most likely will not be worth her time! If anyone has any advice for me I would soo appreciate it. I just decided that first thing in the morning I will be changing my cell phone number so he can’t contact me. I don’t want to deal with anymore of his stupid apologetic texts. It’s like he’s asking me to be “there” for him emotionally after he stomped all over my heart and my love. He wants me to console him so he can feel less guilty. That’s not my job! I need to take care of me.



  198.  #198Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Katrina –

    “Knock on wood though. When things are new everything smells like roses.”

    That is so true.

    But he still gets points for the intellectually yummy factor.



  199.  #199Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Can’t blame you guys about the big penis thang. 🙂



  200.  #200Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Lucy #196

    “My list…which, of course, includes a huge penis”

    Of course…;-)



  201.  #201Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Ok, so maybe a huge penis isn’t on the “must have” list. But ya gotta admit, it IS kind of a disappointment when he has a teenie peenie



  202.  #202Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    But I don’t need it to be exceptionally huge ’cause I’m tight like an 18 year old (both “husbands” and a throng of others said so LOL).

    Ten inches will suffice…j/k



  203.  #203Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    I’ve never happened upon a teenie peenie, but I have heard they exist.



  204.  #204Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Daria? Are you still here? You okay?



  205.  #205Daria on November 14, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Katarina – URRGH

    i feel like slapping jaqueline for talking to/about me like that and you for bringing it up…

    im not cool with being assumed about my feelings

    **

    i didn’t use to notice when i felt angry… only when something Big came up as you say

    i started writing on Rori’s blog and Rori encouraged me to notice and speak about my feelings

    I started realizing that little reactions i had… like getting hot… feeling Intense… “smiling” while saying something sarcastic … or getting into debates…

    were actually Anger in disguise

    that i wasn’t in touch of

    more and more i chose to notice it and name it and not brush it away as trivial, “im not supposed to get angry” this is little etc

    i started to honor my feelings and anger and feel happy to feel it and express it

    so now i feel much more attuned to my anger, instead of feeling blank and in my head.. yet unbothered…

    im aware whats going on with myself on a deeper level, and its anger…

    the source of the anger is not the actual thing that’s going on, thats only a trigger…

    that brings up a past experience/beliefs , if im not paying attentio probably not consciously, and then i feel angry from that…

    expressing my anger whenever i notice it has been a hugely liberating and tranformative tool here

    i have Rori to thank for that big time

    i’m starting to heal a lot of big stuff with being more and more in touch… and thus not Run by.. my anger…

    anytime you or i get the desire to debate with someone, and say no you’re wrong… for example… or when we use sarcasm

    the feeling that prompts that is anger

    instead here we practice saying ” i feel angry. i don’t want… ”

    sometimes, we practice letting the Drama Queen (Bitch Goddess) out… this helps with healing when done with the intent to expand self



  206.  #206Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    “But he still gets points for the intellectually yummy factor.”

    Awww…thanks, Hon!! 🙂



  207.  #207Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    I once had a BF with one so big he had to show me a different way to give him a BJ.

    Did I just say that out loud?

    Why don’t I just roll around in the gutter right now.



  208.  #208Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    In my limited experience, I have noticed that short guys usually have thicker penises. Anyone else have this observation?



  209.  #209Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Fb college guy is short, so I’ve actually wondered if he fits that statistic….



  210.  #210sia on November 14, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Katarina,

    I feel better when people dont state what they don’t want in their profile either. I dont think the problem is that some people see bitterness it and it is their fault. Nothing works for everybody, but a lot of people react in the same way.
    But generally people would not be aware of all communication pitfalls so I dont jump to onclusions.

    Evan Marc Katz gives the same advice: if someone wants to date slim sporty women only, the profile should say: I am looking for athletic women who take care of themselves.

    It should not say: dont want to meet fat women.
    This line for some reason feels worse to both overweight and slim women.

    Sales: also comparing feels bad to both sides. Extreme example, if someone tells you you are more beautiful than a woman standing next to you, chances are neither of you will be too pleased. In other not so extreme situations negative reaction can be unconscious, but it is still there.

    So after I started to sink into my feelings I became aware of these (and similar) negative feelings.
    It can get extreme (and maybe you see it on the blog sometimes), e.g. sometimes I didn’t even hear the content of other person’s speech, I just hear trigger, trigger, trigger.

    Now I think I found better balance, and it helps, because speaking namely in feeling messages actually gets rid of lot of judgements (opinions and labels), or these do not come up so automatically. I feel I changed a lot, i used to have lot of stuff in my head delineated in black an white.

    Somehow people can sense it – and feel safer.

    But sometimes a masculine voice is necessary, an opinion needed -maybe I am way off but I like expressing negative as not+positive – eg i dont say: he’s not a very good dancer, but istead: he is still learning. Or: he is not slim.

    I am writing at such length because I am worried we are not ‘selling’ feminine communication to you very well on the blog:) Feminine communication being something coming from a being in touch with all her/his feeling, even those which to other people would seem unreachable (subconscious).

    Caveat -in most cases – judgements and decisive opinions are welcome if they are compliments:)



  211.  #211Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    LOL, Honey! Was it thick or long or both? Lol.



  212.  #212Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Daria, I hear ya….just curious.

    Back to our important discussion: size, I used to date a guy whose penis was, literally, the size of my thumb fully erect!

    My, I felt sooooo sorry for him. I can imagine the difficulty he had to face with such predicament. Poor guy.



  213.  #213Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Ciao, como stai?

    What does that mean?



  214.  #214Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    this is way too much tmi but there was this short guy i knew who expected me to fool around with him if i was going to sleep at his house (i was homeless and much younger) and his penis was like a magic marker. nothing. nothing at all. i feel bad for him.

    for the record, he never told me i needed to fool around with him to stay. but i knew better and it was unspoken. when i stopped fooling around with him, he promptly stopped answering my calls. i feel bad for him.



  215.  #215Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Daria –

    At first when you expressed your anger and let your Bitch Goddess out, I was kinda scared. But I’m not anymore. I just think, “Oh that’s just Daria processing her feelings. She’s not attacking anyone…she’s just doing her thing.” I started to not get so hung up on the beginning of the post where there was raw anger, but instead followed all the different feelings you gave voice to until you felt more at peace again. I see you as just posting your internal dialogue. Maybe that’s not what you’re doing, but that’s how it looks to me.

    Also, I meant to ask before, what do the words “Bitch Goddess” signify for you?

    Ok, enough serious. I’m in a playful mood and rather talk about penises…



  216.  #216Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Lucy –

    Thick and long…just freakin’ huge! I thought I was going to be impaled at times, but figured I would take the risk. lol



  217.  #217life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Lucy

    Hello. How are you?



  218.  #218LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Turtle Girl 154

    Turning gay would not change a thing.
    I would have to wait for the right woman to find my wall and want to climb it
    hmmm Or would I have to be the one climbing her wall?
    He he he
    I wonder how they figure out who courts who?
    Probably an intuitive thing, one woman just knows she needs to court and this other woman naturally receives.

    Hmmm yes, but like among heterosexual when the woman over functions and chases the guy, I am sure this happens too with gay people. How do they know which is which?
    Ha ha ha
    I am sure they know, though.
    They probably sense which one is giving hoping to receive protection (over functioning) and which one is giving to protect the beloved one (courting)



  219.  #219life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Why do you think I was conflicted for so long about EUM??? Je*s*s H. K a-rist!!!



  220.  #220Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Sia, thanks. I do talk in feeling messages too when I feel like it and see it necessary, not when I’m delivering a point though. It’s much easier and more candid to me to focus on the message instead messenger (me).

    Just my choice of style.

    I think I did that “don’t want” style because I was just expressing my emotional state at the time. But I don’t say “I don’t want fat men” either. More about characteristic (intimacy phobe, e.g.)



  221.  #221Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    LITS, hi. I am happy and curious and concerned and a bit lonely. How are you?



  222.  #222Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Daria, brava. <3



  223.  #223Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Also once had a BF with a teenie peenie. I loved him like crazy, though, even though I almost never had an O with him. I know that sounds impossible coming from the woman who Os from just kissing, but it was just too small to do the job. Interestingly, he was the same guy who was into the sex club thing.

    If we had stayed together, we probably could have worked things out in the sex department, though.



  224.  #224life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Lucy, I was telling you what Ciao, Como stai means



  225.  #225Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    OH! hahahahaha!! Okay, thanks, LITS. I thought it seemed kinda random. Lol.



  226.  #226Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    i think it’s supposed to be come stai. mr italian guy gets a b-



  227.  #227Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Oooh, B- !
    That’s not very good.
    I may not be able to date him if he gets a B-.



  228.  #228sia on November 14, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    katarina,
    fat was an example. I dont want intimacy phobe is the same thing. Feels worse to phobes and non phobes alike. Saying I want person ready to commit is more effective to the purpose of the speaker.

    It fascinates me that lot of these thing were found out in studies conducted by sales people, not by underfunded psychologists caring for people’s well being!

    Feeling messages: yes it is nice to do them because I want to focus on myself – good for you that you do that! but if I am to be honest with you, I tried to get into the habit in order to get people to like me more:)



  229.  #229Honey on November 14, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    Lone Plum –

    “Hmmm yes, but like among heterosexual when the woman over functions and chases the guy, I am sure this happens too with gay people.”

    How funny you said this. I was at a party the night before last with a bunch of friends, one couple was gay, and there was another friend there who is gay and solo. They were joking about that very thing and said, “If you want to get rid of a gay man faster than anything, say ‘I love you'”.

    The single gay friend is like part of our extended family. He was on my case the last time he was in town telling me, basically, that I should CD. It was fun to tell him I took his advice. Like me, he is tired of being the overfunctioner.

    He met a younger man recently and is in love. I told him he is a “cougar”. lol



  230.  #230Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Hey Dorothea, I’ve been wondering, do you know of the woman linguist who is supposedly the go-to person in the U.S. for French translation? Her first name is Robin…. She’s widely published in the field and stuff.



  231.  #231life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Lucy, I am glad that you are happy and curious, and what are you concerned about? Lonely, I get.

    And now that you ask Lucy, I am concerned that the new CD is wanting to feel more from me that I want him and am interested in him. I am physically attracted but it’s not through the roof. We’ve only kissed and I didn’t have any O’s oh wait..i’m not Honey LOL

    He mentioned twice today, oh you’ll probably get sick of me in a couple of weeks and kick me to the curb. I said, well maybe you will get sick of me. and he hesitated, but said, yes, that’s possible too. I did lean forward a couple of times. oh well no one’s perfect.

    I don’t know when I am going to talk about what I am after in a relationship. I am thinking that I am going to wait for him to bring it up, but I really do want it out and on the table that I;m not getting exclusive with anyone until the guy steps up who wants to ride into the sunset and grow old with me forever.



  232.  #232Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    #168

    foursome…..i like that …… that feels better 😉



  233.  #233Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Haha, Nikita, you like that, huh? 🙂



  234.  #234Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    LITS, I had that problem with a CD too.

    I’m concerned about a bunch of little things, but mostly my son who is going through a hard time. Thanks for asking.



  235.  #235life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Lucy, just to share my own experience about this —
    I know that when my daughter was having a particularly hard time, I spent much time in meditation to avoid being overly anxious and worrying.
    I wanted to respond from a place of level headed concern so I could be more helpful to her, rather than hysterical over-reacting and making the situation worse.



  236.  #236Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    Thanks, LITS, I appreciate that. I know in the past I have over-reacted with my kids’ problems, but I’ve gotten to a place more like what you are advising. Thx.



  237.  #237life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    Good nite, Lucy and all the wonderful Sirens…
    sweet dreams



  238.  #238LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    LITS 158

    I think men are stepping up all right. They get married every day.
    They step up for the right woman
    In the mean time they enjoy life with the woman whose wall was low enough to step in and play with her.

    They used to step up faster in a time when they could not have sex without marriage.
    So it might seem that they don’t step up as much nowadays.

    The thing is nobody else was playing with them, back then, so they had no other option than climb the wall and it was not always for the right woman.
    Everybody was climbing walls to get companionship and sex.
    Many couples were not so happy after the honey moon.

    Nowadays they have the luxury to really wait for the right woman. Which is good news.

    The bad news is that they wait because they can have sex with me while they wait for her looool

    That’s why I find it vital for me to keep my wall up.
    I don’t want to waste time with the guy who belongs to another woman he has not met yet.

    I don’t want so many guys who don’t even belong to me, to crowd my life.

    Plus I want my guy to recognize his feelings for me through the inspiration my wall will be for him.

    I have nothing to lose. Nothing can be wrong for the right guy.



  239.  #239Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    WoW,

    I feel sooooooooooo fuc*in angry and defensive!!!!!!

    I feel like name-calling and attacking!!!!

    I feel like grabbing this by the throat and squeezing the trachea until the sound stops coming out.



  240.  #240Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Godnight, LITS. Sweet dreams. <3



  241.  #241life_is_too_short_to... on November 14, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    LonePlum, I’m with you. Your posts really keep me motivated and on track and help keep the perspective I want to keep.



  242.  #242Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Nikita, I felt defensive earlier (see post 193).



  243.  #243Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    I feel bad that you are feeling so angry.



  244.  #244Meemee on November 14, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Hi Sirens
    I am not in office for a week. I have come to a city where I have got some work. I need to sit in the government archive and look at some material for my PhD.
    I am happy that I have started doing my PhD.
    I am staying with my grandparents. I feel so good about it.
    They are happy that I am spending good time with them.
    This morning me and grandma cooked breakfast together. It felt so nice
    Love you all
    Hugs
    Meemee



  245.  #245Meemee on November 14, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    I am looking at some 19th century land records now and I am feeling thrilled 🙂 🙂
    Meemee



  246.  #246LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    145: Daria says:

    ***For me I want my husband to trust my honesty, nit that I wasn’t sexually involved with another man while dating him. Because I don’t want that at this point… If I will then it’s for me…
    But what he trusts is my honesty
    Sunday, 14 November 2010 @ 6:59pm***

    I don’t understand what you say .
    But if it is related to sex, I don’t wish to debate, it is personal. Each to their own.

    My post says what I would tell the man, and as you say in yours, your post say how it is for you.

    And of course, he should trust your honesty, he can not trust your lies. He believes your lies.

    Evidently it is what I am saying: I want my husband to trust ME because I live myself as honest.



  247.  #247Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    Oops



  248.  #248Katarina Phang on November 14, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    Anyway he also stated what he does want in the following paragraph (so it’s hist style to provide contrast):

    “Have people told you that your smile and positive energy lights up a room? You’re ultra cool and it’s as if you’re sunshine!! If so, then please read on …. welcome to my world :)”



  249.  #249LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Daria 168

    This so funny 🙂

    Lucy, I hope you don’t mind me laughing, it feels so good 🙂



  250.  #250Honey on November 14, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    Meemee –

    I am so glad you are in a place where you are loved. I always felt like I could regroup and get back in touch with myself when I stayed with my grandma. I hope you have the same experience.

    Just curious what field you are getting your PhD in.

    So tired…going to be…night sirens…



  251.  #251Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    no problem, loneplum. i exist so people will have something to laugh about. it’s my purpose on the planet.



  252.  #252Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Lucy,

    yeah I saw that but couldn’t pinpoint the source- so I think I blocked it out until you reminded me 😉



  253.  #253LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    Lucy 259

    That’s a great purpose. Laughing is healing
    I feel doubtful though
    Are you joking when you say that? 🙂



  254.  #254Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    ooooooohh sarcasm, lucy ?



  255.  #255Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    nite honey 😀



  256.  #256Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    lucy that feels awful to read that u exist so people will have something to laugh about. are you feeling ok?



  257.  #257Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    Bullsh*t backwards rationalization infatuation mierde



  258.  #258Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    lol i am laughing in my bed. srry dorothea, didn’t mean to make you feel bad. i was sincere. ppl like to tease me and i’ve learned to be happy about it – if they get a good laugh over me, then i’ve contributed to their healing and happiness and i’m cool with that. it’s an awesome p.o.p.



  259.  #259Dorothea on November 14, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    no worries lucy i just felt worried about u.



  260.  #260Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    thx dorothea. feels good to be cared about. 🙂



  261.  #261LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Lucy 257

    I did not understand Daria’s joke as a joke about you. Well, I did not laugh over you at all.
    I laugh because Daria took one situation from one moment in time and mixed it with a new situation in a new moment in time and made up a third situation out of the mixture
    I love that type of humor

    I also laugh because she takes the anxiety off the original situation. It is good sometimes, it helps see it from a new perspective.

    You are not laughable .
    Daria’s answer is what makes me laugh 🙂

    Laughter comes from when the regular line is unexpectedly broken.
    Daria’s answer was not the type of expected answer to your question, so it’s funny 🙂



  262.  #262Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I’m getting sleepy…..very sleepy



  263.  #263Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    i feel weird and a lil sick in my stomach and sad having that explained to me. i already knew why it was funny. i feel mega weird and kinda sick now.



  264.  #264Lucy on November 14, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    i feel vulnerable and very sad. sweet dreams to me.



  265.  #265LonePlum on November 14, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Lucy 262

    I feel mistrustful
    I feel sorry you feel sick in your stomach.
    I feel bewildered that my friendly explanation makes you feel sick.
    I promess to never again try to reassure myself about you.
    Hmmm yes I suppose that’s what I did, I felt afraid, like 2 other sirens, that your comment expressed pain.
    I wanted to make sure you were all right.

    I do not want to cause you any discomfort
    Your strong reaction to my post tells me to avoid any comment related to you from now on. I do not want you to feel sick.

    I wish you a good night.



  266.  #266Nancy on November 14, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    Thanks for your great words, Sirens. You rock. Katrina, no, this isn’t instant chemistry and I feel fine and a bit relieved if he walks. While he is someone who might grow on me, I feel a bit bored with him and his insistence that if I won’t save myself for him that he can’t handle it. I’ve known him for a week – c’mon! I’ve sensed insecurity in him, but also a lot of self honesty and self knowing. But, I really don’t know him at all, as I have pointed out to him.
    TG, you crack me up. I love your comments about the mamby pamby NW men. And this guy is actually a Texan. Who knew? LOL Love your pluck!
    Renee, when I capitulated to him at first, it was time limited for 2 months. When I woke up the next morning I realized I felt totally unready to give that to him.
    Plum, thanks. Great words. I copied them and will keep for future men who I’m more attracted to and care more about when they turn and run as I stand up for myself. Dorthea, thanks, I like your approach, too. SS, thank you. If I say anything to him (not sure I will), I’ll use a combination of all of your words and my own to help convey this to him. One week. If he was the right man for me, he’d want me to feel comfortable and not at risk while we get to know each other.
    I have another date tomorrow. Next!



  267.  #267Daria on November 14, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    YES!!! myspace fixed my profile!! ONLINE DATING IS BACK!! BABY!



  268.  #268Nikita on November 14, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    Another reason to not call a man

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  269.  #269Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 12:19 am

    Nancy, a week…wow!

    Just when I thought 2 months were early! That’s certainly a red flag, a guy gets all clingy after a week (he doesn’t feel like a high value guy for being so available like that…so contrary to “norm” on guys). How many times have you seen him?



  270.  #270Daria on November 15, 2010 at 12:25 am

    upset was feeling all open and loving and vulnerable went to relax with my mom and got attacked by my dad tho it seemed he wanted me to go to the movies with them but he phrased it as an attack and i feel bad bad bad]

    and i didnt say nothing i just got up and walked upstairs

    taht felt bad still tho

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    i choose to be ok no matter what yum

    feeling tired



  271.  #271Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 12:26 am

    LP:

    “Yes it is my experience that NW men ARE passive. Compared to where I grew up in the South. Southern men will step up big time and when a woman says no they just keep stepping up as if rejection is nothing to them, it rolls right off their backs. Now some women might find their attitude too much, too big, too cocky, but I have to say these weak wishy washy mamby pamby men I have been finding up here make me want to scream!!!!!!”

    Ummm…guess that’s why SG said he would wink to a girl first and if he got a response then he would pursue her (the was it was with me) because he wanted to make sure she was interested too.

    I guess modern NW guys are indeed lazy. 🙂



  272.  #272Daria on November 15, 2010 at 1:18 am

    Feeling excited and dissapointed… Hmmm



  273.  #273Daria on November 15, 2010 at 1:37 am

    So sad me stii hiding the awful feeling of being betrayed unexpectedly so angry at the sudden way I feel unloved. I don’t want this. I feel tired. Goddess can u help angels help heal this dppech block forever



  274.  #274Daria on November 15, 2010 at 1:41 am

    Wow … It feels awful to be spoken to this way…
    I suddenly feel excluded… And unloved. I feel criticized, I feel angry. I feel hopeless to ever be lived by you

    I do t want to be talked to in a way that feels bad…

    I want to feel loved and encouraged and protected

    Sob…

    I love my feelings I love my sobs I love my hopelessness and that feels like sleepiness



  275.  #275Hadassah on November 15, 2010 at 3:29 am

    Pretty impressed with how the online dating thing is going around this time. I am trying to reply to guys who I see I have something in common with at least. The guys that are old enough to be my dad or weigh 400 pounds or email me nothing more than “hi” I am not bothering with.

    It’s kind of funny how one is playing out – we emailed back and forth all weekend (he contacted me first of course – I’m not emailing anyone first) and then later during the day yesterday he emails me his number and says I can text him whenever.

    I replied with, “I don’t feel comfortable initiating the calling or texting. I am old fashioned about that kind of thing.” It was kind of hard for me to not offer up my phone number then, (I would have before I am sure of it, so pausing to NOT do that was new to me) so he responds back with something like “I just wanted to make sure you felt comfortable, may I have your phone number?”

    And I thought about it – we have emailed over 20 times and I felt really good about him having it, so I gave it to him.

    And while texting he said he was on vacation Thanksgiving week, I told him I was too, and he asked if I would “pencil him in”. I then asked him to clarify. He said he wants to take me out. I told him I would feel more comfortable considering it if we continue texting and talk on the phone beforehand. He told me I could call him anytime. I gently reminded him that I don’t call men. Then he asked permission to call me and asked what time was best for me. That is totally new.

    Kind of nervous – he has two kids – a 13 year old and a 7 year old from his previous marriage (he is only 31 so only a few years older than me) and he married his high school sweet heart. Before, I was never really open to dating a man with kids because I don’t want to deal with any baby mama drama, but I realized that most men HAVE kids and that would mean I was cutting out a huge part of the dating pool. Plus it isn’t that I would mind having other kids around – I could treat another woman’s children like my own no problem. It would be nice for my baby girl to have some siblings that I didn’t have to be pregnant with, too! So I am looking at this dating thing a lot differently this time around.

    I’ve already decided I’m done with being a girlfriend. I don’t feel ready to have sex with anyone again until I am sure (well, as sure as I can be) about their feelings for me because I was dead wrong with my ex. No rushing into sex. Any man that wont wait for me to feel totally comfortable about it is a man I don’t want!

    I love this blog!



  276.  #276Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 4:43 am

    @80 Nancy = #918 on snack thread

    @132 LonePlum says:
    “It is not fair of him to ask me to not speak to people when I have to deal with my life on my own and he has not given me the commitment that he will be in my life tomorrow.?…
    …His job is to make me feel safe by sticking around until we get married.
    I need to feel my husband love as a strong love, not one that runs away if things are not like he wants.***”

    Wise thoughts if guy gets cranky about me seeing other men.

    SLV



  277.  #277Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 5:11 am

    @160: Lucy says:
    ” Lol! Wow, LITS, I didn’t know you knew that! I actually have talked about having a t-shirt made up that says, ‘It’s all my fault. Always.’ ”

    LOL 😆 Funny. EMK describes an attractive young woman who wore a t-shirt with something printed on it…used it as a conversation starter to attract men. Apparently it was effective. I think it was an EMK story, maybe somebody else.

    SLV



  278.  #278Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 5:24 am

    @183: Lucy says:
    “I wonder what my profile would be like if I wrote it in Don’t Want terms. Might be fun to try to write it that way. Wouldn’t post it. Just for an exercise in don’t wanting.”

    Brilliant! I will do one today just for the fun of it. I’ve never written an online dating profile and I’m not sure of the format either… does each dating site have a different way of doing this? Or, are they all more or less personal essays?

    I’m starting my Christmas Wish List too so the profile exercise might be another version of that! 😆

    SLV



  279.  #279Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 5:33 am

    @206: Honey says:
    “I once had a BF with one so big he had to show me a different way to give him a BJ.
    Did I just say that out loud?
    Why don’t I just roll around in the gutter right now.”

    Why don’t you describe the “new technique?” I’m here to learn… 😛

    SLV



  280.  #280Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 5:41 am

    211: Katarina Phang says:
    “… the size of my thumb fully erect!
    My, I felt sooooo sorry for him. I can imagine the difficulty he had to face with such predicament. Poor guy…”

    I hope this doesn’t mean your thumbs are massively deformed… 😆 …

    SLV



  281.  #281Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 5:46 am

    @213: Dorothea says:
    ” and his penis was like a magic marker…”

    At least it was longer than a thumb… however, we do not know the length of Katarina’s thumbs… 😆

    SLV



  282.  #282Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 6:06 am

    @227: sia says:

    “Feeling messages: yes it is nice to do them because I want to focus on myself – good for you that you do that! but if I am to be honest with you, I tried to get into the habit in order to get people to like me more:)”

    I HATE fake “feeling” messages. Hmmm, that was a feeling message. Not to mean that I hate your feeling messages, nor that that they are fake.

    I mean these:

    “I feel the sale will start on Monday” kind of feelings… echhh.

    “I feel you only voted for me because I wore that green dress and it had mustard on it and you felt sorry for me and when the next election comes you will vote for someone else” …kinda “feeling” LOLOLOL 😆

    I feel the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of both sides. 😆

    SLV



  283.  #283Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 6:49 am

    LITS, I have tiny hands and fingers…always have a problem finding rings that fit my fingers.

    So go figure…! 🙂 But I love your wild imagination LOL…



  284.  #284life_is_too_short_to... on November 15, 2010 at 6:50 am

    281. top o monday morning to you SLV

    LOL LOL but seriously, what you so aptly described is an abuse of the feeling message, it defeats the purpose,
    and it’s really just more mental judgment opinion stuff.

    I try to check myself for that.

    We here know better than that!

    Right? Right ?

    🙂



  285.  #285life_is_too_short_to... on November 15, 2010 at 6:52 am

    Kat, I think you’re talking to SLV, but I love her wild imagination too!



  286.  #286Honey on November 15, 2010 at 7:08 am

    SLV –

    I once had a BF with one so big he had to show me a different way to give him a BJ.
    Did I just say that out loud?
    Why don’t I just roll around in the gutter right now.”

    Why don’t you describe the “new technique?” I’m here to learn…

    OMG…well, I’m already in the gutter, so why not? Nothing special…i just had to basically stroke the base while I did the usual to the part that I could actually get in my mouth. Kinda like a simultaneous hand job and BJ at the same time. There is not way i could do the usual once I really got down to business – too big. lol



  287.  #287life_is_too_short_to... on November 15, 2010 at 7:09 am

    so i felt thankful for when daria reminded on here the other day interacting with Jacq that feeling messages basically feel four things:

    happy sad afraid angry

    and all the spin offs from there, inspired joyful, livid, cozy, upbeat, miffed, attacked, concerned, overwhelmed and on and on and on

    it’s a challenge to stay completely responsible for one’s own feeling messages and not blame someone else, but…it’s a fine line, don’t you think?

    I mean, if someone says or does something that makes you feel such and such and you say I feel _______, it’s very possible they will feel defensive and that you are saying they are the cause of it.

    We see that happen here too.

    I was telling my father about sharing feeling messages and he said that’s a good way to lose friends. hahahaha i need to work on explaining better maybe!

    Is anyone familiar with Byron Katie’s work and the four questions?

    http://www.thework.com/dothework.php



  288.  #289Honey on November 15, 2010 at 7:23 am

    Speaking of gutter talk…

    I have a serious question, especially to the more “mature” Sirens…

    I am embarrased to admit that I never use “protection”. I do get tested for STDs when I start a new sexual relationship, though. But this only protects the other person and not me.

    I had a hysterectomy, so pregnancy is not an issue, but diseases are. There is also the issue of older guys sometimes having ED, or not having ED and just needing that extra stimulation. Even the guy with the HUGE one took meds for ED. My last BF did too because some other meds he took affected his erection otherwise.

    Each time I risked it cuz I was (usually) in love and thought “this is the last man I’ll ever be with” but at this point, there have been quite a few “last men”.

    I feel kind of stupid admitting this. How do you other Sirens handle this? Also, can you give a BJ with a condom on? Seems kinda gross.

    Al



  289.  #290Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 7:35 am

    I feel stuck on this story of how I don’t believe other people’s happiness. This is freakin’ deja vu. I don’t buy it. I want to buy it but I don’t. Why can’t I allow myself to see the good and forget the rest? Why can’t I believe it’s possible to have a man be everything I want? Cuz that’s the problem. I see certain things and yet I hear words being said, and I ain’t buyin’ it. My brain picks apart and holds that freakin’ sarcastic tone. Argh.

    Maybe I don’t believe *I* am everything I want to be. I would like this healed now. I am perfect. Cringe. I am perfect. I am perfect. I am perfect.

    Cynical, pessimistic voice. I hear you. I love my judgments. You help me to question things, test boundaries. You don’t allow me to be a sucker and believe every tall tale I hear. But could you for once pipe down a little? Here’s a cookie. And don’t talk with your mouth full please.



  290.  #291Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Rori: I agree with everything you said here…but I’ll probably still interrupt his crossword with a kiss… 🙂 (he has yet to complain..)

    tinque: You are SOOOO on tartget!

    ““I’m feeling really needy right now. I need a hug really badly. May I have one please?”
    And my spontaneous vulnerability melts HIM. He’s happy to oblige and tells me there’s more where that came from.

    I had to learn to find some of that within, but it’s also K’s job as a man to look after me too, not in a I’m helpless kind of way but in a chivalrous one, as any man in masculine energy would.”

    Katarina – I call BS…

    “If a man doesn’t ask you right away to be exclusive, some may doubt his real intention (Mercedes would say he’s not her type).”

    The only thing I ever said about your man not being “my type” is that he is willing to sleep with a married woman…especially a woman who has not yet decided her marriage is over. I would walk away from a man who doesn’t give space to that existing relationship and refuse to take part until that chapter with someone else is over.

    I’ve said it time and time and time again…I don’t care how soon you get exclusive. I dated J for about two years without being exclusive. I don’t care when you fall in love. I don’t care. I personally would not date a man who will date a married woman. That’s it. That’s absolutely the only thing you have said so far about SG that excludes him from being my “type” (if there is such a thing).

    I have no idea (other than you projecting your own fears and anxieties about your relationship onto me) where this is coming from.



  291.  #292Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 7:47 am

    Shannon, I do believe great relationships exist but perfect with no issues at all? No. I think great relationships exist, in fact, because couples have differences they have worked on or are working on. It makes them better partners to each other.



  292.  #293Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 7:55 am

    “I’ve said it time and time and time again…I don’t care how soon you get exclusive. I dated J for about two years without being exclusive. I don’t care when you fall in love. I don’t care. I personally would not date a man who will date a married woman. That’s it. That’s absolutely the only thing you have said so far about SG that excludes him from being my “type” (if there is such a thing).”

    And I’m not “married,” Mercedes. Duh.

    I could have lived with my hubby with no legal paper (the way you do with J), and separated . Would it make any difference? Don’t you think there are also split gfs/bfs -who are not legally married- but they’re not over with each other? Isn’t CD by Rori is devised also for such GFs? What difference do you think I am with those unmarried women who are having some relationship issues and CDing?

    I thought you were a person who basically said what important is not the piece of paper but the emotional commitment.

    Yet, you’re using a different standard now with me?



  293.  #294Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 7:58 am

    “I dated J for about two years without being exclusive. I don’t care when you fall in love. I don’t care.”

    And yet you told me that you will never date a man who doesn’t mind sharing you sexually with other men? So you were dating him and having no sex with him or anyone at all for 2 years?

    So which is which?



  294.  #295Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 7:58 am

    Katarina: I’m not using a different standard with you. There’s a reason I’m not married.

    As far as how you feel about it…I understand…in your mind you are not married and clearly you and SG feel the same about that. It doesn’t mean I should want to date him though does it? Again..who cares if I want him or not? My point is…I care when you get exclusive.



  295.  #296Honey on November 15, 2010 at 7:58 am

    Shannon –

    I’m with Katrina. There are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect people. But I think there are great, healthy, thriving relationships. I want a dynamic relationship where we are free to grow and change. To me, committment means holding on to one another amidst the changes.



  296.  #297Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 7:59 am

    We were sexually exclusive. Not opposed to dating others but yes…sexually exclusive.



  297.  #298Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 7:59 am

    Katarina, I feel amused. I, in fact, have no idea where you’re reading I want a perfect relationship with no issues at all. I, in fact, agree with you.

    Hehe. Gonna try out the “in fact” wording you’ve been using of late. I feel official or something. In fact, I feel all knowing.

    I will be charging five dollars for admission to The In Fact Simply Shannon Show where I’ll be using my all knowing skills to read your fortune. Come one, come all.



  298.  #299Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:00 am

    Sorry…”my point is I DON’T care when you get exclusive.”



  299.  #300Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 8:08 am

    Shannon, I know you did…I was endorsing your feeling, in fact. 🙂



  300.  #301Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 8:11 am

    “It doesn’t mean I should want to date him though does it? Again..who cares if I want him or not? My point is…I care when you get exclusive.”

    I really don’t care you want him or not…that’s the least of my concern, geez…

    I was just responding to this statement of yours:

    “I personally would not date a man who will date a married woman. That’s it. That’s absolutely the only thing you have said so far about SG that excludes him from being my “type” (if there is such a thing)”

    You keep shifting gear and I have to chase you around so you stick with the topic. 🙂



  301.  #302Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:14 am

    “You keep shifting gear and I have to chase you around so you stick with the topic. ”

    That is EXACTLY how I feel about you…



  302.  #303Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:18 am

    So that we can stop chasing…my point:

    Katarina said this: ““If a man doesn’t ask you right away to be exclusive, some may doubt his real intention (Mercedes would say he’s not her type).”

    And I say this:

    That is not true. I see no need for a man to ask you right away to be exclusive. I’ve been in situations where I was not exclusive and I have circular dated. Personally, I stay sexually exclusive but that’s just me. It’s up to each person to determine who is their type and who is not and a man who doesn’t want to be exclusive right away is not categorized as not my type based on that.

    Cleared up?



  303.  #304Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 8:20 am

    “We were sexually exclusive. Not opposed to dating others but yes…sexually exclusive.”

    Umm okay…so you were not strictly a couple, then why is it such a big issue that I am not strictly a couple with SG now and opt perhaps for more freedom till we’re sure we’re meant for each other? (again this relates to your harsh statement that you will never date a guy who will share you sexually with other men -as if SG really made an announcement like, “You’re free to have sex with whomever, I’ll be okay.” That’s judgmental because he obviously doesn’t like the idea -he told me he wouldn’t be too happy seeing/thinking of me with other guys, that’s why we decide we’re not going to do MMF threesome. We just don’t talk about it because we know we can’t control each other and we are not gonna start expecting sexual exclusivity till we are sure we want to be a REAL couple).



  304.  #305Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 8:24 am

    Alright, so now the issue is because I’m a “married woman.” And you choose not to be married because it’s less of a commitment to you? Thought you didn’t believe in such notion.



  305.  #306Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:26 am

    It isn’t a big deal to me that you’re not a couple with SG. I just assumed you were and used that term. You corrected me and then I mistakenly said you were not in a relationship. You corrected me again.

    You’re not strictly a couple with him. That’s okay. Why is it a big deal to you that I don’t want to date a man who will share me sexually? Is it not okay that you and I want different things for ourselves? I’m a bit confused here.



  306.  #307Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:28 am

    Katarina: You and SG feel different about marriage and what constitutes a “married woman” than what I do. Is it okay that we don’t feel the same way? It’s okay with me.



  307.  #308Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:30 am

    “And you choose not to be married because it’s less of a commitment to you? Thought you didn’t believe in such notion.”

    Please don’t project that on me. As far as I can remember I’ve never discussed with you my reasons for not wanting to get married.



  308.  #309Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 8:34 am

    “You and SG feel different about marriage and what constitutes a “married woman” than what I do. Is it okay that we don’t feel the same way? It’s okay with me.”

    I feel confused. You’re the one who is so against women dating guys with a gf, so obviously to you, marriage or cohabitation or even just bfs/gfs means the same kind of commitment that shouldn’t be breached at all.

    Now you’re saying they are actually different?



  309.  #310Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 8:36 am

    “”And you choose not to be married because it’s less of a commitment to you? Thought you didn’t believe in such notion.”

    Please don’t project that on me. As far as I can remember I’ve never discussed with you my reasons for not wanting to get married.”

    I’m just trying to understand you… I just don’t see consistency in your stance. I just thought all along that you believed commitment is commitment, no matter what the legal status is. Am I wrong?



  310.  #311Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:39 am

    For me and for my life (no bearing on you or your life):

    If a man and a woman are in a relationship that is committed in any way (piece of paper, a “known” commitment – agreement – between two people, a religious ceremony, etc) then for me, I do not believe in dating them.

    If a man and a woman are dating, neither are in a committed relationship in any way and all parties are open about what they’re involved in then I am in agreement with circular dating in my life. I believe in being sexually exclusive regardless of comittment.



  311.  #312The Nikita Show on November 15, 2010 at 8:39 am

    In fact, I’m feeling really excited about appearing on the Simply Shannon Show….. I am in fact going into make-up in the green room…..Shannon is in fact paying me thousands of dollars to appear! In fact, I love her for it! I love that she can, in fact, afford me 🙂

    yay



  312.  #313Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 8:42 am

    I, in fact, believe that Katarina and Mercedes believe the same things about relationships. They are choosing to debate their own perspectives rather than seek to understand the other, to distinguish their uniqueness rather than find common ground.

    Hmm… interesting. I do this too. Especially with people I don’t want to see the “sameness” with or someone I feel better than. No, I’m not like you. Here’s how. And with those I admire, I seek sameness or me-too-ness. I hear myself saying yes I do that too or yes I believe that same thing. I fortify myself by agreeing.

    Haha. Trigger, heal thyself.



  313.  #314Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:48 am

    SS: I think Katarina and I believe some of the same things about relationships but I also see huge differences. I’m really, really okay with us being different but because of those differences and my being open and honest about what it’s like for me, I come off sounding like I am putting SG down and katarina feels the need to defend him. I don’t mean to I just don’t have any additional words to explain that I have the relationship I want (a perfect one for me) and it differs from hers.



  314.  #315Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 8:49 am

    “If a man and a woman are in a relationship that is committed in any way (piece of paper, a “known” commitment – agreement – between two people, a religious ceremony, etc) then for me, I do not believe in dating them.”

    There is no agreement between me and my husband that we are married or even in a relationship, so can you honestly say I’m married in the real essence of the word? You have a known agreement with no paper, so you are in a committed relationship. And I have no agreement other than the paper that was produced years ago and we no longer see as binding because we’re considering divorce, so now I’m the “bad guy” for that? And if you split from J, you won’t be because you never had that piece of paper?

    So basically you’re saying that the piece of paper adds more commitment to a relationship? I thought it didn’t matter to you since you’re practically married at heart?

    “If a man and a woman are dating, neither are in a committed relationship in any way and all parties are open about what they’re involved in then I am in agreement with circular dating in my life.”

    Well, that’s where I am.



  315.  #316Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 8:49 am

    Nikita, I’m ready for your appearance love. Whenever you’re done with makeup. No rush. Willing to wait for you. Feels so good to have you on the show. Sigh. Did you get the first payment I sent? That check felt ridiculously large but so worth every zero written. We’re gonna make great things happen on the show.



  316.  #317Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 8:52 am

    @285: Honey says:

    “…i just had to basically stroke the base while I did the usual…”

    Ohhhh, a “tip job jerk”,,, 😯

    SLV



  317.  #318Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Mercedes, then why the desire to continue debating? I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t get the debate. It feels disconnected to me. Like hearing two people talking about themselves with very little interaction between the two. Just my perspective. I can’t really follow what the discussion is about. It feels very jumpy. Every comment torn apart and then the next and the next and the next. I’m starting to feel dizzy. What are we talking about? 😉



  318.  #319Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 8:58 am

    I don’t see you as the “bad guy” at all Katarina and if J and I split I don’t see me as the “bad guy” either and I don’t think the paper adds MORE of a comittment but I do think it is a sign of it – which can be disolved in civil court with a divorce (simply a step that isn’t an option with comitted relationships that didn’t evolve to a legal marriage and thus it takes a little longer).



  319.  #320Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 9:01 am

    “I don’t see you as the “bad guy” at all Katarina and if J and I split I don’t see me as the “bad guy” either and I don’t think the paper adds MORE of a comittment but I do think it is a sign of it – which can be disolved in civil court with a divorce (simply a step that isn’t an option with comitted relationships that didn’t evolve to a legal marriage and thus it takes a little longer).”

    Ok, so there is no real substance to a mere paper. I agree with you. That’s not what you said earlier though.



  320.  #321Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 9:03 am

    Sorry SS. Sometimes I have the desire to process as well even it it feels disconnected to others. I think there are lots of people who do that here. I’m using the space as well.

    I wish there was a way for people to skip over my comments when they don’t like what I’m saying/doing. That way I could have my space and it wouldn’t bother them so much.

    Do you think you can do that Shannon? So I can continue to go through my process my own way? It would feel better than the feeling I’m being told to shut up or let it go (I know you didn’t say that…just how I’m feeling with your comment).



  321.  #322Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 9:03 am

    Katarina: You are misunderstanding me and I don’t have the words to explain.



  322.  #323The Nikita Show on November 15, 2010 at 9:07 am

    SS,

    I did, thank-you. It was a healthy sum, so healthy in fact, I
    am giving 10% to your charity 🙂
    looking forward to more show! See you out there 😉



  323.  #324Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 9:11 am

    You said I was married earlier, now you say the paper doesn’t add anything to the non-relationship I have with my hubby. So am I still misunderstanding you?
    It’s either you believe marriage has more substance than mere cohabitation or you don’t. I’m still not sure which one you believe in.



  324.  #325tinque on November 15, 2010 at 9:11 am

    I can’t believe I missed the penis discussion last night. pout.
    xxoo



  325.  #326Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 9:16 am

    Mercedes, You mean I’m not in charge here and don’t get to tell everyone what to do? Darn it!! [shakes fist wildly in the air] There goes the neighborhood. Oops, the island. 😉

    I feel open to reading along. Maybe I don’t understand what you’re processing through? And I’m genuinely asking, not making you wrong. (Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt!) I feel bummed for not catching it. I’d feel more connected understanding.

    Hmmm. I feel weird. I don’t want to distract you from what you’re doing with Katarina.



  326.  #327Katarina Phang on November 15, 2010 at 9:16 am

    “I don’t think the paper adds MORE of a comittment but I do think it is a sign of it”

    There is a “sign” in every relationship that breaks apart in which the people are still emotionally attached to each other. Does it mean a man shouldn’t date a woman who splits from her live-in partner (like you) or bf whom she’s not totally over with? Or dsoe this policy only apply to married women?



  327.  #328Rori Raye on November 15, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Go Jas!!! You sound fabulous, and your determination to serve YOU will pay off big time fast…really – Targeting Mr. Right (I’m guessing that’s the program you’re getting) will help you tremendously…and get the ebook, too – that way you’ll have the basics – all the programs build on the book. Love, Rori



  328.  #329Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Rori keeps coming out with one superb article after another, and Mercedes, it was an excellent question!

    I feel even more secure in my understanding of Rori’s tools! I feel more and more confident in interaction with people as a result!

    I had a fantastic weekend that felt like a vacation with my friend, who I will call Legendiva! She is a scream, and we went wild on faceinhole, really making some funny pictures! We’re talking about drawing and painting in the countryside sometime soon! I’ve known her for 20 years, and it feels so good to be known and loved! And to know and love!



  329.  #330Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 9:20 am

    For my own life and not anyone else’s:

    I believe anyone with or without the paper who has said they are in a comitted relationship are in one.

    I believe that if that agreement ever took place and that it also led to a piece of paper then those two people are married until they divorce in court and I would not date either of them until that happened.

    I believe that if that agreement took place and did not lead to a piece of paper then a divorce via the court is not necessary.

    I believe that if two people had an agreement to be comitted (whether it lead to a piece of paper or not) and they have not ended their relationship but are still wondering where it will go, then they are comitted and I would not date either of them.

    I apply the word “married” to those people who have a comittment that lead to a piece of paper and has not ended in a divorce.

    I believe all of the above for my own life only and do not in any way feel anyone else in the world should feel the same way I do.



  330.  #331Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 9:20 am

    Email this morning to a boy I’m CD’ing who hasn’t contacted me in two weeks…

    Hey T! It feels good to hear from you. My life has felt pretty hectic the past few weeks too. I’m finally feeling less stressed, even if it is a Monday. Hehe. I feel smiley. Ask me if that’s still true in after about two hours of working this morning. 😉

    And he emailed me just now (two hours later) to check if I still felt smiley. Hehe!

    My response (just because I think it’s funny)…

    Awww! You remembered! I definitely feel smiley now. Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I asked you to remind me again in two hours? Use my Jedi mind tricks to keep you contacting me all day. Sincerely, Yoda Shannon or Soda for short

    🙂



  331.  #332Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Hey, Rori!

    Even tho I am going on a budget with a financial counselor, I felt approval when I told him I spend $30 a month on relationship CDs! LOL! He thinks it’s a valid learning expenditure and seems impressed that I am working on improving my relational skills! I felt so good about that, because he is one of the assistant pastors at my new church.

    Love,
    Brenda



  332.  #333Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 9:27 am

    Jas, you do sound fabulous! I’m sorry about what happened with your relationship. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and starred in the sequel. You will learn so much here! Will completely change your perspective about everything. Excited to learn more about you. Welcome!



  333.  #334Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Awww, Bill is planning a going away out-for-lunch for me with the department at work! How nice!

    I emailed him this morning to let him know of a possible temporary position for me at this same company (different department). I verified that I can give him as a reference.

    Among other things, I said: Please excuse me if I was over the top (again) last week. I sure had fun, tho.

    Bill: It was fun – nice to blow off some steam every now and again! I hope things are going well over there. Any idea when we need to schedule your lunch out?

    Me: Thank you for understanding. At every turn, you are so kind and fun! How I wish…

    And then I answered his question. I felt good about that.



  334.  #335Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 9:31 am

    Shannon,

    That’s cute about the Soda tricks! LOL!



  335.  #336Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 9:39 am

    Honey,

    RE: #289 – I may be wrong, but I don’t think there is too much risk of an STD thru a BJ. I feel very concerned about not using protection for sex beyond that tho. It’s like playing Russian roullette.

    My rule is, “No balloon? No party!”



  336.  #337Rachel on November 15, 2010 at 9:43 am

    Rori? When you put a new Siren through moderation, is there a way to put the # of her comment in your welcome message so that we can find it and read it more easily?



  337.  #338Turtle Girl on November 15, 2010 at 9:48 am

    Honey-you said:

    “Speaking of gutter talk…”

    Oh how I love a good roll in the gutter….lol

    “I have a serious question, especially to the more “mature” Sirens…”

    Oh how I hate that I am now considered “mature” oh crap, oh fuch, oh dear, but yes, I AM in some circles qualified for a senior discount. bite me universe i like being young gd it……

    “I am embarrased to admit that I never use “protection”. I do get tested for STDs when I start a new sexual relationship, though. But this only protects the other person and not me.”

    Don’t be embarrassed. I am guessing lots of people do not use it. Frankly I have NEVER in my life used a condom. I would not know how to put one on. I had one guy one time use on. It felt a bit strange.

    “I had a hysterectomy, so pregnancy is not an issue, but diseases are. There is also the issue of older guys sometimes having ED, or not having ED and just needing that extra stimulation. Even the guy with the HUGE one took meds for ED. My last BF did too because some other meds he took affected his erection otherwise.”

    ED is a reality in men as they age. I have run into may impotent men (another issues altogether) and I have had men who at 47/48 yo use a pill from time to time. Stress, age, performance anxiety, and ahost of other factors can contribute to the men just not feeling hard like it used to be. All the estrogen out there makes it bad too. I personally find it very sad and frustrating. Size has nothing to do with ability to get it up or not.

    “Each time I risked it cuz I was (usually) in love and thought “this is the last man I’ll ever be with” but at this point, there have been quite a few “last men”.”

    Oh trust me on this one, you ain’t the only woman who has thought this was the “last man”.

    “I feel kind of stupid admitting this. How do you other Sirens handle this? Also, can you give a BJ with a condom on? Seems kinda gross.”

    How do I handle it? Well it’s different with everyone. Some guys are really paranoid so they want to use a condom. However let’s say a guy was married to one gal for twenty years and had sex with one other women since. Would I feel more at ease with him as opposed to a player? Of course. Before I have sex with anyone we have a discussion about whats what and what is going to work or not. It is very individual.
    And older does not men less at risk than younger.
    We all have to deal with this stuff. ;o)

    As fas a a blow job with a condom-no way! Weird. Weird Weird in my book. ewww…….

    Side bar-big big cocks are not sexy to me. I am small and it can actually hurt. I’ll take the average 6/7 inches thanks. ;o) And sadly size does matter. The itsy bitsy tiny weenies are not fun. There’s that old joke about the guy who takes off his pants and his dick is only two inches long. She says: “Who are you gonna please with that!!!?” He says: Me.

    Point made, it is hard to have really pleasurable sex with a man who ain’t got no junk in the trunk.



  338.  #339Laughing Goddess on November 15, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Awww, I’m sad I missed the penis discussion too!

    Most of my partners have had an average size one…not too big, not too small…

    This one is juuuuust right 🙂



  339.  #340Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 10:05 am

    I also believe I struggle a LOT with how many M’s and how many T’s are in the following words when trying to type them on the fly without spell check:

    Committed
    Committing
    Commitment
    Committal

    and it irritates me that I haven’t learned them fully yet. Maybe I have now that I’ve written them out in an order?? That would be cool.



  340.  #341Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:07 am

    moving my comment over from the other thread…

    I’m trying to find the balance in all of this. The RR tools work great for me cuz I have been too extreme the other way. Sometimes they sound extreme to me, but for me that’s good cuz I need to hear that in order to get to the middle ground that’s healthy for me.

    I know everyone will probably jump all over me, but I would NOT recommend RR to all women. A woman who is self-absorbed and narcissistic would not benefit from RR’s message, in my opinion. That person would be out of balance the other way. I’m not interested in living ONLY for myself. There is a balance of caring for one’s self and others as well. I think that balance is different for everyone.



  341.  #342Rachel on November 15, 2010 at 10:08 am

    SS,

    I feel happy to read of your little email exchange with your CD. It feels good to read that he contacted you again after a two week silence. I’m into day 5 of total and complete and utter silence with Soccer Dad. I’m trying to use this time to work on my stuff and get ready for an upcoming vacation. But it’s hard not to feel frustrated and wonder what the heck is going on .

    I love that you so joyously flowed right back into the conversation. Can you help me process this a little? Does this happen often? That men go quiet for no reason and then pop back in? And when they do come back, do you ever find out why they disappeared? What do you find that helps you not to feel sad and focus on the silence?

    I am asking you, Shannon, because your voice on here sounds like we have a similar personality. But anyone is welcome to respond!!



  342.  #343Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:08 am

    LG –

    “Just right” is good too. 😉



  343.  #344Pepe on November 15, 2010 at 10:10 am

    I like the average size penis…medium, not too small and not too big.
    Cause believe me ladies dating mister big is not fun at all ! 2 or 3 times i bleed and most of the time after sex i could feel my vagina…like it’s alive or something. Not cool ! and a big penis hanging down doesn’t look sexy or good at all ! lol

    That’s my opinion



  344.  #345Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:21 am

    TG-

    Thanks both for answering my questions AND for making me laugh!

    “There’s that old joke about the guy who takes off his pants and his dick is only two inches long. She says: “Who are you gonna please with that!!!?” He says: Me.”

    LOLOLOL

    “Oh how I hate that I am now considered “mature” oh crap, oh fuch, oh dear, but yes, I AM in some circles qualified for a senior discount. bite me universe i like being young gd it……”

    LOLOLOL

    LG & Tinque –

    We’re back on the cock-a-doodle-do discussion!



  345.  #346Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Rachel, This is where I’ve gotten really focused on my life and filling it up with purpose, with things I enjoy doing, that make me feel fulfilled (not just busy). It keeps me from focusing on any one man. And also dating other men. I’m really holding on to the belief that the right man will show when he wants to and that he will pursue me relentlessly. I believe this for you too. Soccer Dad will be back. I feel sure of it. Where are you going for vacation? I’d love to hear about it so I can live vicariously!



  346.  #347Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Pepe said…

    I like the average size penis…medium, not too small and not too big.
    Cause believe me ladies dating mister big is not fun at all ! 2 or 3 times i bleed and most of the time after sex i could feel my vagina…like it’s alive or something. Not cool ! and a big penis hanging down doesn’t look sexy or good at all ! lol

    That’s my opinion

    Lets take a survey! lol



  347.  #348Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Rachel, oh and yes, men ebb and flow just like we do. Remember LG’s comment about the resource room. Ever felt like you just needed some space to process things, to be alone? I know I do. Men do it too. Most people can’t be “on” all the time. So he backed off for awhile. Eh. He’ll be back. They almost always come back. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 😉 It’s the believing he’ll be back part that matters. If you believe it, you don’t sit around waiting for it. You just know it will be. Like not watching a pot boil. Makes it take forever!



  348.  #349Pepe on November 15, 2010 at 10:31 am

    looooool sure let take one !



  349.  #350Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:33 am

    Rachel –

    Isn’t he dating someone else? That’s why we CD…so we don’t get all hung up on one guy…but easier said than done.



  350.  #351The Nikita Show on November 15, 2010 at 10:34 am

    I will now refer to my li as Mr. Big 🙂



  351.  #352Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Pepe –

    OK. I feel like a ho saying this, but maybe it’s time I embrassed my inner-ho. lol

    I’m thinking about 8 inches should about do it. But it’s not just length, it’s also girth. Gimme the girth, Baby! Woot! Woot!



  352.  #353Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:37 am

    Nikita –

    “I will now refer to my li as Mr. Big ”

    OMG! LOL…



  353.  #354Honey on November 15, 2010 at 10:40 am

    I love to start my day with laughter!

    Wish I could stay on the Island all day and play, but I have to take care of my:

    Kids
    School
    house
    job
    gray roots

    Later, Girls…



  354.  #355Laughing Goddess on November 15, 2010 at 10:40 am

    Hehe 🙂

    my favorite move is when we are laying on our sides, and my man is inside me and reaches around and rubs my love button.

    Yum!



  355.  #356The Nikita Show on November 15, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Omg, I feel a little uncomfortable as I watch the pink dojo turn into a soft p*rn site! Yikes, I don’t know why this is but I’m screaming tmi inside-



  356.  #357The Nikita Show on November 15, 2010 at 10:50 am

    Btw, this is not the first time I felt this way- it’s the first time I expressed it. I have a very very vivid imagination and I don’t watch “adult” films because the images get stuck in my brain – burned in like stained glass superimposed over everything else –



  357.  #358Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 10:56 am

    @330 Mercedes
    “…I believe that if that agreement took place and did not lead to a piece of paper then a divorce via the court is not necessary…”

    Wonder or wonders, it is necessary in some states due to “valid common-law marriages.” This one of those little oddities that some states had. Perhaps it’s changed now but I had a client once that had to get a divorce in order for re-marriage with marriage license to be valid.

    Note: Common law marriage is not the same as the euphemism for “living together.”

    Interesting…I wonder if it still exists and when I’ve got nothing more fun to do I might do some legal research.

    There’s more but I’ve got to go, just popped by for a sec.

    SLV



  358.  #359Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2010 at 10:59 am

    @343: Honey says:
    LG –

    “Just right” is good too.

    That’s what Goldilocks said of “the three ‘bares’ ” LOL 😆

    SLV



  359.  #360Pepe on November 15, 2010 at 11:08 am

    honey,

    wha ? ….ur not a ho !!!!
    8 inches feels scary but if it what works for u no problem than ! lol



  360.  #361Honey on November 15, 2010 at 11:15 am

    SLV –

    “Just right” is good too.

    That’s what Goldilocks said of “the three ‘bares’ ” LOL

    Yeah, and look how many beds she slept in, so she outa know!



  361.  #362Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 11:17 am

    SLV: Good point. I forgot all about common law (yes…it still exists – at least in TX where I live – but there are usually different parameters around it that include more than just how long you’ve lived together – this I discovered prior to moving in with J…we decided if we were ever going to get married we would do it because we wanted to, not because the state of TX told us we were so we researched it with an attorney friend of ours).

    For my life, a common law marriage would be a marriage I could recognize as well…if the court says you are married (legally) then I agree with the court.

    Again though…that’s just how I apply these things to my own life when determining who I would or would not date…not asking or expecting anyone else to feel the same way…but very grateful I was able to find a man who shares my views. 🙂 YAY!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  362.  #363tinque on November 15, 2010 at 11:19 am

    SLV – Common law marriage no longer exists much to my consternation and sadness. Except I think in Nevada and Arizona?
    States can recognize domestic partners, and some insurance companies as well, but they have no rights, so it’s in name only.
    xxoo



  363.  #364tinque on November 15, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Nikita – I don;t want to mess with your head if the peepee discussion is too much for you. I keep missing out though.
    I’ve had too big as in wouldn’t go in, and I’ve had too small.
    K has the prettiest peepee on the planet. Just right for me.
    xxoo



  364.  #365tinque on November 15, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Mercedes – How can I find out which states still recognize common law?
    I know CA doesn’t. But I’m not there anymore.
    xxoo



  365.  #366Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 11:30 am

    tinque: Other than asking an attorney I don’t know how you would find out. If you want common law, move closer to me… LOL 🙂

    In Texas it exists but there is more to it than just living together. One person (not the state) has to persue the matter and usually it’s because one person wants something (money or possessions or both) when they end the relationship or they want the other person’s insurance, etc while the relationship is still happening. They have to prove that they gave the impression they were married (ie signing papers as “Mr. and Mrs.”, etc)…there were other things (I think it doesn’t apply if you split rent or bills, etc, nor does it apply if one person has their own bedroom, etc…I can’t remember it all…but since we knew we would never have an issue with the basics (giving the impression we are married…we correct just about every person every time they say it) we weren’t worried about it. It’s not something we want and so we wanted to be careful not to find ourselves in that situation.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  366.  #367The Nikita Show on November 15, 2010 at 11:31 am

    I think 5 states recognize it (common law )

    I think I googled it a few years ago- I remember : not NYC 8)



  367.  #368Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 11:31 am

    and I’m just going by what my attorney friend told me (and his specialty is not family law). I personally don’t know anyone who is common law married.



  368.  #369Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 11:33 am

    A quick google found this:

    STATES THAT RECOGNIZE COMMON LAW MARRIAGE:
    Only a few states recognize common law marriages:

    Alabama
    Colorado
    Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
    Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
    Iowa
    Kansas
    Montana
    New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
    Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
    Oklahoma (possibly only if created before 11/1/98. Oklahoma’s laws and court decisions may be in conflict about whether common law marriages formed in that state after 11/1/98 will be recognized.)
    Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
    Rhode Island
    South Carolina
    Texas
    Utah
    Washington, D.C.

    IF YOU LIVE IN A STATE THAT DOES RECOGNIZE COMMON LAW MARRIAGE: If you live in one of the above states and you “hold yourself out to be married” (by telling the community you are married, calling each other husband and wife, using the same last name, filing joint income tax returns, etc.), you can have a common law marriage

    at this website:
    http://www.unmarried.org/common-law-marriage-fact-sheet.html



  369.  #370Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 11:44 am

    “Marriage/ relationships don’t “fix” anything.”

    They fix the problem of sleeping alone.



  370.  #371Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 11:46 am

    In other interesting news, my Friday night CD just texted me with a question. He wants to know…

    If we’re still together two years from now when I get finished with classes… if I had to move away for a job would you be willing to go or would you want to stay here because I assume the boys will be in school, friends, family. Just curious and I’m just saying what if…

    So my NVs popped up first and said “he’s looking for a reason not to see you any more”. I fed them a cookie and chose to believe he’s asking me because he wants to know how I fit in his life. He’s thinking of forever already. Eeek. Cookie fear, eat the cookie.

    My response:

    Hmmm… I don’t know how I’ll feel in two years. I’d want to follow the lead of my hubby in the best choice for our family. I feel happy that you’re thinking of me right now.

    Every man wants to spend forever with me. Oh yes they do. They are all just dealing with their junk. Take your time mister. I’ll be here. But be aware, if you’re not careful, you’re going to lose me forever.

    Ta Da. And that folks is The Simply Shannon Show for today.

    Applause applause applause.

    You are too kind. Thank you. Thank you. Kiss. Kiss. I love my fans. Ya’ll are the best.



  371.  #372Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 11:47 am

    Lucy, I don’t believe marriage fixes that either. I’ve slept in the bed with husband and never felt more alone in my life. 🙁



  372.  #373Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 11:49 am

    370!

    oh good! i like sleeping with someone else 😉

    ……even when he snores



  373.  #374Pepe on November 15, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Simply shannon,

    Clap clap



  374.  #375Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 11:55 am

    SS,

    I think it’s a deal-breaker for him. Some women would NEVER move for her man’s job and will force him to choose.

    I date Ny’ers because I don’t want to move- it’s my deal-bre3aker……….I will live abroad or relocate temporarily but NY is home for me and the man, (perfect man) will also prefer NY…. because that is a value for me that i’m not flexible about…..



  375.  #376Rachel on November 15, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Shannon/Honey

    He is seeing someone else – but it didn’t sound too serious. I am too, but nobody felt as good as he did! He was just the perfect blend of manly and caring, passionate and tender. Mmmmm…. I hope he comes back.

    If he doesn’t, I know a little more what I’m looking for now. Trying to stay focused on other good things.

    Shannon, I’m going to San Diego to visit some friends. My daughters are going too though, so it won’t be a dating scenario. =-(



  376.  #377Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Pepe – Five dollars please. 😀

    Nikita – Mr. Big? I can so see you on Sex and the City. I can realllllly see that. Oh that is great mental image! I feel intrigued by the no porn policy. Will have to write that into your contract for the show. 😉 Good to know!



  377.  #378Pepe on November 15, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Nikita,

    Me too, i like to feel a strong arm around my waist when i feel asleep, it makes me feel feminin, cozy and safe. I really like that feeling.



  378.  #379Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    ok, I might move to Boston or San Fran but not
    forever………



  379.  #380Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    Rachel, Woohoo! I loved San Diego. I went many years back. So what if it’s not a dating scenario. Or maybe it will be and you just don’t know it yet. Somebody who will feel even better than Soccer Dad (who doesn’t feel all that appealing to me since he’s not contacting you. Silly man.) 😉 I will be living vicariously on your sunny vacation while I sit here in a coat on the east coast. I feel warm already. Sigh.



  380.  #381Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    lol……..yeah, fortunately Mr.Big is cool with it…..

    I don’t mind sex workers though….. I can share the panel with working girls 😉 I just don’t want to HaVE to review her work lol.



  381.  #382AmberS on November 15, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Nikita,

    I am throwing myself upon your mercy and groveling here. I am hoping (no, BEGGING) that you’ll find time to do a quick segment on your show about…

    Aries Men

    This is new and unexplored territory for me. I feel lost and I don’t know which direction I’m even facing. Holy Moley. I have NO CLUE. And he doesn’t do the little zingy-double meaning innuendo thing, so how am I supposed to know if he’s even attracted to me? I mean, other than the kissing part.

    Please, please, please, please HELP ME!



  382.  #383Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Not taking sides on the “do relationships involve work?” issue (I find it intriguing and am open) but am genuinely curious:

    Tinque and Mercedes — would you say, then, that the first time a couple has a disgreement or problem of any sort between them, they should split bc it means it’s not the right pairing?

    Thx. <3



  383.  #384Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Nikita, I have always believed I wouldn’t move either. It does feel like a mental block for me. I really don’t know how I would feel two years down the line. I’m now choosing to never say never about moving. If I’m with the right guy and it really is the best thing for our family, then I’d go wherever God leads us. I would miss my family tremendously (I live two blocks from them now). So who knows. I feel open. Not happening right now and too far off for me to figure out.



  384.  #385Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    oh wait! Amber is this the WONDERFUL date man you posted about?????

    I got so excited I didn’t even finish your question LOL.

    will go back and finish 🙂



  385.  #386Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    “Divorce was a choice I made to feel less miserable. And the truth is it didn’t change my feelings all that much.”

    It changed my feelings a lot, in fact. 😉



  386.  #387Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    I mostly feel intrigued that he’s asking me something like this. Already. After two dates. I’d say someone is thinking about me a lot. And whoever said that men don’t analyze relationships… well…. Case meet Point.



  387.  #388Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    SS –

    “So my NVs popped up first and said ‘he’s looking for a reason not to see you any more'”

    Wow! I interpreted this just the opposite. If he didn’t want to see you anymore, he wouldn’t. This says to me, “Hmmm…I see wife potential here. I want to make sure there are no deal-breakers here before I get too involved.”



  388.  #389Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Oh Lucy…I’m not saying that at all. My relationship evolved into what it is today (it wasn’t always perfect for me, that’s for sure!) and I am ever so grateful it did. It used to be a lot less than perfect…but I believed we could have it all, I walked away when I saw myself compromising and we now have perfection for us.

    Also…some people wouldn’t want a relationship like mine…they need something different. I would encourage each person to determine what is “perfect” for them and go for it with 100% belief they can have it.

    For me, a perfect relationship is one I no longer have to work on or compromise in…for someone else that might be something different.

    Make sense?

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  389.  #390Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    SS –

    Guys DO think about relationships…especially step-up kind of guys.



  390.  #391Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    In fact. You being sarcastic with me woman? My personal experience is a fact. Don’t you realize this by now? Okay fine. You can be on the show too. People and their different perspectives. Shesh. 😉



  391.  #392Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    If two people are ALWAYS in agreement, one of them is dead!



  392.  #393Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    SS #391-

    Annoying, ain’t it? Everyone wants to get into the act.



  393.  #394Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    but I do have a brother who “fights” with his wife all the time. They seem to be happier for it?? I don’t understand it but they’ve been married for 22 years and I see no signs of that changing. I don’t want to judge their level of happiness because nobody knows what goes on in another heart, but from the outside looking in, they are happy and together. They don’t have anything close to what I want for me, but that’s okay…it doesn’t look like what I have would be right for them either.



  394.  #395Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    “Lucy, I don’t believe marriage fixes that either. I’ve slept in the bed with husband and never felt more alone in my life. :(”

    Oh, I know that feeling for sure!!

    I meant the RIGHT relationship fixes that problem.



  395.  #396Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Mercedes –

    My aunt and uncle would “fight” all the time, and we would think, “OMG, this is terrible.” Then we would turn around and they would be all kissy kissy. They were just both highly passionate people in every sense of the word. They would vent then move on. They were in love until they died.



  396.  #397Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Why did Rori tell that new girl that she can have a good relationship but “it won’t be with HIM” (the man who left her and is dating another woman) … if they almost always come back, and having a gf means so little????



  397.  #398Daria on November 15, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    ugh packing my bags. i gotem here an im gonna pack them … wanna be outta here before my dad gets home from work

    fuc*you jerk this Garbage is getting out your way!

    im the happy garbage yes i am

    i can be happy living in a can

    if no one helps me tooo oo nite

    im happy cuz its warm outside!

    and i will sleep on the grass!

    wweeee



  398.  #399Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    Honey, Totally and completely agree about the man analysis thingy. You can be on the show too. And yes, once I quieted down the NVs, I thought the same thing. Boy is trying to size me up for long term. Only problem is that I haven’t sized him up. Oh dang my mind just went in the gutter. Oops. 😀



  399.  #400Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    “My personal experience is a fact.”

    Exactly. 🙂



  400.  #401Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Honey: J and I don’t always agree either…we love a good debate (as I said, we don’t even have the same religious views and that first debate is what made me realize I was totally attracted to him). But we do always agree on how to treat one another and what to do, where to go, etc.

    We don’t argue about dishes or taking out the trash or other housework (when I moved in we kept the housekeeper since neither of us likes to do the heavy housework and we share the light stuff – do it together) or who cooks dinner (if we decide grilling or frozen pizza is it then he takes care of it. If we decide to order in then he takes care of it. If we decide food at home not ordered or grilled or frozen then I take care of it but he keeps me company in the kitchen. if we decide to go out then which ever one of us has a specific place in mind chooses and he pays. If he doesn’t have anything in mind, he’ll ask me. If he does have something in mind or if I don’t have an opinion then he’ll take the lead. It’s just how we like it. 🙂

    But..we don’t always agree…we just don’t ever argue (I don’t count religious or political debates, etc as the same thing as an argument though so some might disagree with me).

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  401.  #402Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Lucy, it has been my experience that when a man comes back, I may no longer feel interested in “him”. And maybe that’s just Rori’s way of kicking us out of being stuck on any one man.



  402.  #403Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    I feel confuuuuuuuuuused.



  403.  #404Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    mmmm……my gf and i say that aries men are the least calculating men in the zodiac….. they just can’t be bothered with games…… the sign is likened to the age of 7…. so there is an innocence and purity of desire there along with a youthfulness….. they would be what i call the drill sergeant – up and at em’ first thing in the morning….. you won’t find an aries man laying in bed all day….even if you’re with him-he’ll want to get out in the open air and “do something” together…..

    they can be chauvinistic but I believe they mean well in spite of it and are just too simple (not complex) to understand how you could be “offended” because he believes he was put on this earth to protect and defend- soft frilly vulnerable you-HOWEVER aries men ALSO give full reign to a woman’s independence and will respect you for it….but don’t go stepping into the line of fire in his presence, because his presence means that he is “working” like a german shepherd …..which means all you need to do is “look pretty” (which sounds rude but they mean it as a compliment)….. They are old-fashioned even if they want to rush to the sack, again Aries likes speed:=fast cars, power tools, and women-BUT they are also very turned on by innocence….and vulnerability…..

    this is all very stream of conscious writing and I hope everyone will accept that I am not ‘THINKING’ this all through…. and none of this is FACT or ABSOLUTE …….. think of the aries men you have known and you’ll begin to get a “feel” for what I am saying, Aries men have a feel to them – think lumberjack…think the really HOT mechanic…think Fireman calendars…think soldier… these are all archetypes that come to mind…… Aries is ruled by Mars- the planet of war….. so, feeling messages are going to be your weapon*~read:(compassionate communication tool) of choice- Think Hulk….

    🙂



  404.  #405Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Daria,

    Are you seriously leaving home? I feel concerned for you. Is there anything we can do to help?

    Love,
    Brenda



  405.  #406Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Come on, SS…come roll around in the gutter with me. There’s plenty of room for everyone!

    Thank you for letting me on your show!

    Hey, I noticed you refer to your CDs as “boys”. How old are you? How old are they?



  406.  #407AmberS on November 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Nikita,

    It IS the MANifestation who took me on the perfect date. And I was enjoying myself thoroughly and wasn’t thinking too much about spark. We were so relaxed with each other! And he kissed me about halfway though the date (and then some more, later).

    We talked for 2 hours last night- trading funny video links and jokes, but also discussed marriage and happiness and we were totally in agreement about what it means and how it would work and I’m kind of amazed and feel a little light headed. I’ve never met anyone who sees it the way I do…

    But he doesn’t flirt in any way I’ve ever experienced.

    Today he emailed me “thinking of you…”

    I read Daria’s comment (yesterday or the day before?) “afraid sad thrilled is NOT what we want to feel with a man” and I realized that yes- I felt some of that with Mr. Almost, but that I feel NONE of that with this guy. And once I looked at it like that I realized that I totally am going to have to be careful because he IS HOT. And yet I feel totally comfortable with him.

    So my guard is down…



  407.  #408Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    “And maybe that’s just Rori’s way of kicking us out of being stuck on any one man.”

    Thanks, Shannon. She’s tricky.



  408.  #409Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Daria, I feel concerned. I don’t want you to be homeless. I realize you can handle yourself. I’m sorry things at home are creating this choice.



  409.  #410Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Honey: Yup…exactly…(on your aunt and uncle)…that’s my brother and his wife. I wouldn’t want that for me, but they really do seem happy and I don’t see it ending anytime soon. But that’s another example of what I mean by one couple’s “perfect” relationship might not mean the same thing as my “perfect” relationship.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  410.  #411Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Mercedes –

    Yup. Debates and argument – not the same thing.



  411.  #412Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    I think we may have another instance of people using different words to mean the same thing.



  412.  #413Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Daria!!!!

    NO …?



  413.  #414Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Mercedes –

    I read somewhere that couples like my aunt and uncle actually have very passionate and satisfying relationships.

    But, no…I wouldn’t want that either. Too much work. But I don’t mind a good debate now and then. I need lots of intellectual stimulation.



  414.  #415Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    No, don’t try to stop Daria. This will be a good learning experience for her.



  415.  #416tinque on November 15, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    the first time a couple has a disgreement or problem of any sort between them, they should split bc it means it’s not the right pairing?”

    No not at all Lucy. This is a difficult one for me to answer though. I don’t know if it’s because we’re both more of a going with the flow of life kind of people or we’re just well suited, but we don’t argue or fight or even disagree.
    Well we may disagree, but it’s more about things like he likes meat, and I won’t eat it. Nothing that affects us as a couple.
    There are couples like Mercedes describes who fight all the time and are perfect for each other. I mentioned before that these would be couples who I would say enjoy drama, maybe even get off on it. They seem to enjoy this kind of fieriness.
    The only fireworks I want are the ones in the bedroom. I hate confrontation and raised voices and anything that smacks of tension, so I found someone who is much the same though he doesn’t mind it in say a business situation. Not me ever.
    I would suggest to a new couple when facing a disagreement to remain open and accepting to what the other is offering. There can be great learning in this. Everyone’s view is valid even if you don’t like it or agree with it. It’s theirs, so it has meaning.
    I wouldn’t call this compromise either. There’s an isness to this mindset.
    As a small example, let’s say I want to see a chick flick, and K wants to see a dick flick. It’s really no big deal to either one of us. So one time we’ll see one and maybe another the other.
    If it’s a big issue, say you want to live in Paris, and he wants to live in podunk nowhere, well then you have to decide if this is a man you really want to be with forever. You have to decide if this is a deal breaker.
    There are so many possible scenarios, so all I can say is that when two people are so finely enmeshed and so deeply attuned one to the other, these things don’t register on the radar, not even a blip.
    Does this make sense?
    xxoo



  416.  #417Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Nikita: I am an Aries woman and I totally get a “feel” for what you are saying above. Pretty spot on even if I turn it around on myself…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  417.  #418Honey on November 15, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Tinque –

    “Dick Flick” lol. Never heard that term before



  418.  #419Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Amber,

    are you comfortable telling me your stats? I think you were a scorpio, yes? but do you know where your moon and mars, venus, mercury are?

    If not, no worries I can work around it 😉



  419.  #420Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Mercedes,

    😳 *blush



  420.  #421Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Honey, I hate condoms, too, and don’t use them.

    I do what TG does — talk about it ahead of time to determine safety from disease, and Especially trust my intuition about the man. That’s part of why I have only slept with one man since my marriage ended.

    TN man says that the person giving oral is more at risk for getting a disease than the person receiving it(he has studied these things in depth lol).



  421.  #422Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    “I read somewhere that couples like my aunt and uncle actually have very passionate and satisfying relationships.

    But, no…I wouldn’t want that either. Too much work. But I don’t mind a good debate now and then. I need lots of intellectual stimulation.”

    Honey…we sound exactly the same on this. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  422.  #423Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    I used to thrive on debates, but no more. I wonder why…



  423.  #424tinque on November 15, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    I made it up Honey. I make up a lot of words and expressions.
    xxoo



  424.  #425Amy F. on November 15, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Rachel,

    I get an email from Christian Carter every week and this week addressed the silence issue. We go on a date with someone, it’s amazing and then silence. We want to know WTF??? This addresses a man not telling you if he’s dating someone else and not being honest with you, and I feel it is can be an explanation for the silence after a date. Many men hate confrontation, He may need time to process his feelings, he may have some big thing going on, and instead of just telling you (this is what a woman would do), he goes silent. A guy that I am actually in love with went silent for 2 months!! Two months later, he just let me know what’s going on and I totally get it. Why did he not just say so in the first place?? Well because most women (me included before I found RR) would have overfunctioned, tried to convince him, cried, thrown a fit and he’s got so much turmoil in his life right now, he felt he could not deal with it. He wants to take care of his situation and then continue. He had to be strong enough to face my disappointment and judgment. It took him 8 weeks to get up the courage. I would not have thrown a fit – I have been dating other people all along, I am dancing on my island, I would not lean forward nor try to convince him of anything. My response to him was I feel pain, I feel good about you taking care of your own life and I hope the situation is resolved in a way that is best for everyone.” As we know, we are not “most women”.
    Let me know what you think of this passage below:

    WHY MEN WILL LIE TO YOU – from Christian Carter
    Imagine this scenario:
    You’re on a first or second date with a man and
it’s going really well.
    You’re laughing, you’re having a great 
conversation and you seem to have a lot in common.
 It’s almost scary how similar your attitudes are
 about certain things.
    You feel an intense “chemistry” between you. 
He’s staring at you with that “look” that tells 
you he is very attracted to you.
    He even talks about places he’d like to take you 
to someday.
    You are almost positive that this is the
 beginning of something meaningful with this guy.
    But a day or two goes by after the date and you 
don’t hear from him. Then a week, then two weeks.
    You send him a message, “Haven’t heard from you 
in a while. How are you?”
    But he doesn’t respond. You never hear from him
 again. You beat yourself up, analyzing everything 
you did and said on the dates to see if maybe you 
accidentally put him off.
    Months later, you find out the truth from
 someone else. During the time he was dating you,
he was also dating another woman, and was now
 getting more “serious” with her.
    You feel confused, disappointed, and a bit 
annoyed that he didn’t just tell you the TRUTH
 about what was going on.
    Why didn’t he tell you the truth – either 
before, during, or after he went on a date with 
you?
    The truth would have been a whole lot better
 than days or weeks WONDERING and beating yourself
 up over nothing. Right? Of course it would.
    So why does a man lie to you? Why does he avoid
telling you the truth about a situation?
    The answer is simple.
    A man will lie to you because he hates 
confrontation.
    He FEARS your emotional response. He fears your 
rejection of him. He fears that HE won’t be able 
to “handle” your response.
    He’s imagining that you’re going to cry, scream,
 be disappointed, argue, or complain. He fears 
being put on the spot or “attacked.”
    Understand – I’m not saying you would do any of 
those things.
    I’m just telling you what that guy – who maybe
 doesn’t know you all that well yet – is thinking.
    You may be a cool cucumber. Totally able to 
maturely handle whatever he tells you.
    It doesn’t matter – somewhere in his past, there
 was a woman or two who did in fact overwhelm him 
with her emotional response, and it FREAKED him
out.
    He could have just said, “Hey, I am dating
 another woman right now, and I’ve decided that I
 want to get to know her better. I think you’re
 great, but I also feel that I want to give this
other situation a chance.”
    Instead, he tells you NOTHING–he avoids you,
stops calling, and hopes that he won’t ever have
to face your criticism and judgment.
    It’s not a particularly mature and considerate 
thing to do, but that’s the reality of how it is 
with a lot of men. Not all, but definitely a lot.
    They don’t even realize in the moment how YOU’RE 
feeling. All they know is that they have to do
 what they must do to avoid that confrontation they
 fear.
    END



  425.  #426tinque on November 15, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    I have never ever had sex with a condom. Lucky me I think.



  426.  #427Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Nikita, your Aries description feels soft core porn-ish to me. No joke. Firemen, hot mechanic, soldier, lumberjack… I feel turned on. Swoon. Reel it in sista. It’s in the contract. 😉 Imagination running wild over here. I feel intrigued by this. The actual description of intimate moments didn’t turn me on nearly as much as what you just wrote. I want a man like that. Sigh. What months is an Aries again?

    Honey, I call all men boys and all women girls. That’s just me. I’m late thirties and so is this fella. <– just contradicted myself. Men are boys, fellas, bubbas, dudes, misters but rarely men. And heaven forbid if I call myself a woman or a lady. In my mind I'm still a girl. Hmm… is that saying something about myself? Correction. I don't feel old. I feel young. I cannot stand being called ma'am. Ick.



  427.  #428Daria on November 15, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Brenda and you guys – lol! I don’t know why that felt amusing if theres anything you can do to help…

    well you could probably western union me money if you want to… i’d be happy to receive it

    i don’t know what’s going to happen… i am Not planning on sitting at home to find out…

    im packing my bag right now – gona make it reasonably small hehe – and gonna go outside with it… i have some cd’s today, maybe they’ll have a way to help me if at least to spend the nite

    everything is going to go great becuase getting out of an environment that feels suffocating or where i dont like how im treated is always good for me and i start feeling free and powerful

    something great will happen



  428.  #429Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Nikita: No blushing necessary. I took it all as a compliment. LOL but this part shows that I would:

    “they can be chauvinistic but I believe they mean well in spite of it” 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  429.  #430Daria on November 15, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    thanks for caring guys! Brenda Nikita, Shannon, Honey



  430.  #431Daria on November 15, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    im starting to feel really good now! and excited!

    yes!!! even tho the logistics feel silly…

    walking away, (even to the unknown) from a situation where i don’t like how im being talked to or treated is good

    !

    yay

    i feel angry and scared and sad and i feel Happy!



  431.  #432Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    “I have never ever had sex with a condom. Lucky me I think.”

    Yes, lucky you. 🙂 I have a few times, and UGH! It’s not even like real sex.

    And, that convo about discomfort after sex? The only times I have had soreness afterwards have been the times a condom was used. So, I’m guessing either the latex or the spermicide was to blame.

    Why would I want a guy sticking “plastic” inside me? I want to feel his flesh.



  432.  #433Amy F. on November 15, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Daria,

    Make sure you land someplace with an electric outlet so you can plug in your computer and we can keep track of you!!
    Something great will happen and then you an write a book and make money from that.
    Have you ever thought about writing a book?



  433.  #434Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Daria,

    maybe just a breather…. a vacay…. the “walkaway” tool….. I believe you and your family are growing a lot as you interact as an authentic woman…. and this could just be the breakthrough?



  434.  #435Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    This condom discussion feels surreal to me. I don’t like them either. How did we all end up here? INFP and condom dislikers unite!

    How is the condom industry surviving? How do I convince my kids to use them when they’re older if I don’t in fact enjoy them myself?



  435.  #436Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Shannon, I HATE being called a “lady.”



  436.  #437Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    “Lassie,” that’s another story. Especially “sweet Irish lassie” by fb college guy.



  437.  #438Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    I feel excited about your adventure, Daria. You can come live here if you want. For real.



  438.  #439Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    SS,

    Aries is early april and last week of march…..it is also the opposite sign of libra -lol 😉



  439.  #440Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Wow,

    Daria in PA?

    I might have to drive down to see that.



  440.  #441Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    “INFP and condom dislikers unite!”

    I feel simultaneously exhilarated and scared.

    Do you think there’s a connection btwn disliking condoms and not having the relationship we want??? *trembling in my boots*



  441.  #442Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Nikita: Are we also opposite of the male virgo? Just curious because I did that once…wow….yeah…not good…

    IME – Female Aries + Male Virgo = Aries wanting to end it all…



  442.  #443Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Daria,

    If I had money I could Western Union you, I would.

    I know what you mean by the feeling of empowerment…been there.

    Better a dry crust on the roof of a house, than a mansion with feasting…and strife.

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you!



  443.  #444Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    UGH!!!!

    I love being called a lady!!!!!!!!

    I love it!!!!!!

    um…I don’t use balloons, nope…. I have all of his blood work and I am very happy about that. I prefer to have one yummy all access cock than unlimited balloons-blech!



  444.  #445AmberS on November 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Daria!!!

    It’s the start of a new chapter in the Book of Daria.

    I am biting my tongue here, because I feel concerned, but I know you are strong and smart and brave.

    I’m still concerned.

    Please keep us updated.

    Love and light- Amber



  445.  #446Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    “Daria in PA?”

    I’ll show her my secret hiding place in the backyard where she can spy on the cows in the field behind us and help the fairies repair their houses when the storms destroy them.



  446.  #447Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    No Mercedes,

    we all only have one opposite sign…and actually Libras and Aries tend to partner up often….



  447.  #448Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Lucy,

    are gonna go cow tipping after eating wild mushrooms too?



  448.  #449Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    When I talk about J I’ll sometimes say what I love about him is that he knows how to treat his lady…

    I like it too Nikita.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    Oh…and when I address everyone here, I sometimes say “Ladies:”

    hope everyone understands I mean no disrespect… :-/



  449.  #450Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    “I prefer to have one yummy all access cock than unlimited balloons-blech!”

    Absolutely!

    Um, Nikita, that was kinda soft-pornish…..?



  450.  #451Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    aawww I feel bad now… I don’t want to hurt any cows….I just wanted to be silly



  451.  #452Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Lucy,

    Don’t do it! She might learn about cow-tipping! LOL! 🙂 Just kidding!



  452.  #453Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    No, we respect the cows, Nikita.

    But there are some wild mushrooms on our property that Daria can eat if she wants to.



  453.  #454Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    If you all don’t stop nit-picking me about that soft porn comment I am going to call Firestarter!!!!! and her evil fraternal twin, Ice Queen.



  454.  #455Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    OH…I thought you meant opposite in a bad way (as in not even opposites attract…more like opposite sides of a magnet). Never dated a libra that I know of…



  455.  #456Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Mercedes, I don’t mind it from other women. It’s just a bit of a turn-off for me coming from a man.



  456.  #457Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Nikita,

    LOL! We both thot of cow-tipping when we thot of Daria and cows! But knowing her, she’d slaughter one and be done with it! She likes to eat cows!



  457.  #458Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Aw, I feel bad that you feel bad, Nikita. I know you don’t want to hurt cows. I was being light-hearted as well. You just couldn’t see my impish smile.



  458.  #459Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    These are dairy cows btw.



  459.  #460Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Ah ha. A was an Aries. I should have known. That boy still gets my blood pumping. Sigh.

    Lucy, heck no. No correlation whatsoeva girl. Sprinkles of sparkly dust on this post in order to banish that thought from your pretty little head.



  460.  #461Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    I feel a bit worried. I don’t want to upset anyone by this comment, but I feel worried that maybe I want a feminine energy man.



  461.  #462Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    I was kidding about the correlation, but thanks for the sparkly dust anyway! I love sparkly dust!!!



  462.  #463Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    I think the condom industry survives by sex workers and hook-up culture….

    I have used condoms and they suck 500 asses- and they smell….. condoms were made for test-drives and phobes…. and limited lifestyles- lol



  463.  #464Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Dairy Cows!!!! yayy ! fresh Ice cream!!! 😀



  464.  #465Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    The main character in “I Love You, Man” used condoms for his onesomes bc 1) less messy, and 2) it lasted longer.



  465.  #466Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Any thoughts on #461? I do feel worried about this.



  466.  #467Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Lucy,

    I suspected you also wanted a fem energy man… I am not mad at you…. it is good to know… have you read pat allen??



  467.  #468Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Lucy: Some women do. I was married to a feminine energy man and it was terrible for us, but now he has a gf who seems PERFECT for him.

    He’s not totally feminine mind you, but he prefers a woman to make the decisions and take charge (to him it is a sign of respect when you give a woman whatever she wants so he never did what HE wanted, he was always making me decide – dinner, where to sit, where to go, what to do…to him, that was being a gentleman…to me it was him not stepping up and I was bored).

    He is a very caring man and a wonderful father…but we couldn’t get it right because I needed someone who would “Man up” (as we sometimes say here). It wasn’t in him to do that and he was very intimidated by my masculine side, but as I said…now…he seems to have a perfect match and although I know him well enough to know he’ll take it slow, I think he’ll eventually marry this woman. And I think he’ll have better results with her than he did with me.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  468.  #469Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Thanks, Nikita. Never heard of Pat Allen….?

    What made you suspect this about me?



  469.  #470Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Oh wow, yeah if I was a man having a moment (onesome) I could see myself using a condom-absolutely but I’d use lambskin 😉



  470.  #471Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Nikita, ROFLMAO! Any pet name in the right context feels good to me. A dude could saddle up to me and call me bitch, and said in the right tone it might turn me on. Lady just feels unnatural coming out of my mouth as a way to reference me. Hmmm. I am a lady. Yeah that just feels weird to me.

    Oh oh oh.

    My Jedi mind trick worked! He just asked me out to lunch. Hahahaha! Now I feel really smiley.

    CD #2. Holla!



  471.  #472Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    this whole artsy fartsy turn-on you have



  472.  #473Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:19 pm


  473.  #474Daria on November 15, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Lucy – wow thanks! who knows!! i might end up there lol!

    packing bag right now… alternating from stone anger (when mom comes near) to crying… to feeling very happy

    thank you amber



  474.  #475Honey on November 15, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    I feel frustrated with everyone wanting to help Daria.

    Daria is moving out because she doesn’t want to live in within the parameters set by her parents.

    Daria doesn’t have her own place to live because she doesn’t want to work at a job that does not inspire her.

    I feel angry.

    There are so many homeless people who want to work but cannot get a job for one reason or another, or who cannot make enough money to support themselves.

    There are many days that I don’t feel like going to work…I go anyway. I do not feel like the world owes me a living. I feel we all must make our contribution as we are able. Not feeling like it does not mean one is not able.

    If being a Goddess means I am so great that the universe owes me a living so I can do what I want and give nothing back, I don’t want to be a Goddess.

    I feel majorly triggered and I know that when I post this everyone is going to jump on me, but I don’t care.

    Narcissicm sucks!



  475.  #476Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    artsy fartsy was not nice, nikita.

    but thank you for helping me. i will check out pat allen. i am tired of pushing the caps key, can you tell?



  476.  #477Honey on November 15, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    I lived with my parents, too, and we did not always get along. They often enfringed on my boundaries. But it wasn’t easy for them having me more in with my 3 kids and their disabilities. They did not have to take me in….it was an act of love.

    I worked my butt of so I could get to a point where I could support myself and my kids. Not everything I did and do in a day feels meaningful. Everyone has to clean the toilet sometimes.



  477.  #478Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    Honey, I just see this as part of her personal journey. I don’t want to judge her.



  478.  #479Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    476. still said light-heartedly btw!!!!



  479.  #480Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    I dunno.

    i wonder if there is some jealousy going on about Daria living at home?



  480.  #481Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    Daria, Brenda has my contact info if you ever seriously want it.



  481.  #482Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    476: Lucy says:

    artsy fartsy was not nice, nikita.

    LOL! are you serious?????????????????????????

    did you have feelings of the unpleasant variety ?



  482.  #483Honey on November 15, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    No. I have my own condo now. I paid cash for it. I am proud of where I am and what I’ve accomplished. I am also very thankful that my parents helped me get on my feet.

    If there is a trigger here it is that I don’t want my oldest son to end up like this. He is an artist and I want him to follow his path. I also want him to be responsible for himself. Everything is about balance.



  483.  #484Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    “LOL! are you serious?????????????????????????”

    Please see 479. 🙂



  484.  #485AmberS on November 15, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Nikita,

    OMG- THANK YOU!!!!!!

    That makes total & complete sense. There’s just no pretense. No flirting. He goes straight to the point. We were just walking along and out of the blue he turned and kissed me. Whoa. He is protective already- but not in a limiting way. He actually said about my walks “I’m feeling a little protective of you”.

    He says he feels like he’s known me for a really long time and he can’t get over how comfortable he is with me. Normally I’d think this was a case of being fast tracked into bed, but it hasn’t FELT that way and in the absence of flirting I’ve just been baffled.

    Did I just go on a date with a man who doesn’t play games?!?!?!? Because that’s really what it feels like.

    I feel afraid to tell you my sign because I think you don’t like Leos… I’m a Leo with Cancer rising and a Scorpio moon. I don’t know any other info off the top of my head though 🙁 Please don’t judge me on that Leo part!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!



  485.  #486Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Cool, Shannon, we share dislike of “lady.”



  486.  #487Nikita on November 15, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    oh ok-

    479 has been reviewed and filed



  487.  #488Honey on November 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Yes, this is Daria’s personal journey. She may find she does not mind living in a shelter and receiving from others until something inspires her to earn her own money. I think this is a great move for her.

    She also might learn that poverty sucks, and that people will get tired of taking care of her and spending money on her that they earned at a job they don’t particularly like she searches for inspiration.

    Oh, I am so triggered.



  488.  #489Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    I feel jealous of Amber.

    (But happy for YOU, Amber!)



  489.  #490Honey on November 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    I need to go…



  490.  #491Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Lucy,

    Why does it worry you that you might want a feminine energy man? I do in some aspects of it! I think that’s why I’m attracted to gay men! They are gentle, soft, sensitive. That is what I liked about Ryan, bigtime. He is what any person on the street would sum up as a “pretty boy with mommy issues.” LOL!

    I don’t want an unhealthy man, which is why I only want a friendship with Ryan until he gets free of schizophrenia. I want a man to take the lead and take care of me. But I want a man who is sensitive and emotional.

    What do you (or anyone) think and feel?



  491.  #492Girl on November 15, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Just had some smoking hott sex with D. Woot woot! I called him last night. Today he returned my call and I begged him to come over. He did. Our connection waxed and waned as I went from feeling in the moment to thinking deeply in my head. But I wanted and needed a connection with a man who loves me, and I got it. Yes!!



  492.  #493Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Brenda, it worries me bc many of Rori’s tools are for attracting a masculine energy man. So, I may have been working against myself by using them.



  493.  #494Girl on November 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    By the way, my body is much improved since we broke up. I’ve been dancing a lot, and my waist is getting nice and narrow. I feel sexy and juicy and good, so I finally feel ready to have some smokin hot sex.

    Yummy di yum yum yum.



  494.  #495Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    Lucy and Shannon,

    I used to not like lady or woman. Now I prefer “woman” to “girl”, and I like it when a man calls me a lady. Sometimes I don’t like the tone of voice people use when they say “lady”. I like it when I feel respect from the use of the term. I like being called a girl still but I have grown in my sexual identity in confidence by calling myself a woman.

    Kenny suggests to me to write this in the heading of my personals profile: “Queen-Sized Woman Who Likes to be Treated Like a Queen”…what do you think? I can’t decide if I like it or hate it. I know I hate to be “queen-sized”. **Sigh!**



  495.  #496Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    I, in fact, feel sexier as a “girl” than as a “woman.”



  496.  #497Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Help me!!! What do I do now if I actually want a feminine energy man?????



  497.  #498Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    I think that the truth of what went wrong on my date with WH is that I was so completely in feminine energy. 🙁



  498.  #499Daria on November 15, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    lol Fu9ck honey for hating on me. Hate on hater.

    you can’t touch me

    anyway… im excited for my intelligence

    i do Not want to live in parameters set in an abusive way

    not me

    honey can live where she feels bad if she wants to…

    she can get called garbage, and being told awful things about herself

    and that her going out in the evening to cd is “killing” people – what bs

    Honey can go on living and working hard to deserve a living

    I deserve it already

    Honey you can give back by supporting me if thats what you like to do is give back… but you don’t really do you

    but you don’t – you’re just fake talking and confused

    it annoys me that you think you have to earn a living

    go ahead and slave yourself but dont blame me for it

    its just as narcissistic

    i give back by Existing

    ive probably helped your ungrateful ass before

    anyway

    go orgasm or work hard or something that you like to do

    keep hating that people love me

    they know why they love me and want to help me

    ***

    hmmm

    anyway i feel happy with myself and i think being myself and making choices to not be where it doesnt feel good

    even if im getting shelter and food… thats not enough

    if im living with a man, and he treats me badly, but provides me shelter and food, thats not enough

    i dont want to endure put downs and abuse

    thats not healthy for me

    Honey doesn’t know jack shit about me, shes just triggered off her own situations… wah wah… well she can shove those judgements up her honey hole…

    i dont need that right now

    KICK to honey there she goes rolling over with her kids and work and everything in her world Bye Bi9tch

    get lost outta my life ho

    i dont need your wah wah voice either

    ***

    there are so many homeless people – bit9ch you probably don’t know a single homeless person – lol

    i don’t care about being homeless because i know whatsup with that

    i know how it is to live on the street stupid silly ass indoctrinated dumb ass bitc8h ugh

    i hate them

    cant they all just drown themselves? why do they try to drown people living free

    hmmm

    this is my judgements now… these are working against me too…

    well i don’t believe in work

    and i don’t believe in having to give back

    i know i give back by being myself

    im not foolish enuf to believe in working to Earn a living

    yay!

    i LIVE

    i am Artemis

    and i’m done attacking this “enemy”

    i’m feeling angry yeah

    i hate her for putting me down yeah

    i hate her for putting herself down that she’d have to Earn breath and food

    i hate me for feeling powerless about that

    all I can do is do me right. Ok i can do this.

    all these rage and attacks…

    i feel bad.

    i feel bad now…

    i don’t want to attack people

    and i don’t want to feel vulnerable to attacks either

    =(

    well…

    i don’t mind feeling vulnerable

    i don’t want to feel BAD

    i feel bad when i feel Unseen.

    I feel unseen for my contribution to the world

    FU9CK you to you and you and everyone who doesn’t see me

    see this:

    FUC8K YOU!!!!



  499.  #500Simply Shannon on November 15, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Lucy, You did nothing wrong. In fact (wink, wink) you said that was the best date of your life. Remember? Energetically speaking off the charts right? What he told you after had nothing to do with feminine energy.



  500.  #501Mercedes on November 15, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Lucy: Just from my own experience, if I were to advise a woman on how to hold on to my ex husband I would suggest (but not being fake, you would actually have to mean all of these things):

    1. Tell him how grateful you are when he holds the door open, lets you walk in first and then lets you continue to lead until you are seated.

    2. When you are seated, tell him how much you love that he lets you pick a spot that is exactly where you wanted it to be.

    3. Be the kind of woman who, if money were no object, would LOVE to be a stay at home wife/mother. Be a woman who works because she has to but who would stay home if at all possible.

    4. If you are ever out of town (regardless of reason) be sure to go back to the hotel room early and watch tv or read so he doesn’t have to feel insecure about you being out.

    5. If you make more money than him, be grateful and okay that he also wouldn’t mind being a stay at home dad.

    I’m sure there’s more. He just really needed a woman who was grateful to take the lead and yet who can be very, very traditional at home (ie love to cook and clean, etc).

    I’m probaby not being fair. I have no idea if all feminine energy men are like this but I know my ex sure is.

    I think all of the above was me….projecting my own experience onto feminine energy men. Oops…

    Oh well…gonna post it anyway.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  501.  #502Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Yes, it was the best date ever, but it easily could’ve been even better. I can see it could’ve been better if I hadn’t been totally in feminine.



  502.  #503Lucy on November 15, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    “that he also wouldn’t mind being a stay at home dad.”

    WH was a stay-at-home dad for a couple years.



  503.  #504tinque on November 15, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Lucy _ I’m wondering if you’re confusing wanting a feminine energy man with wanting a masculine energy man who can still be sensitive, tender, artistic etc.
    xxoo



  504.  #505Brenda on November 15, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Lucy,

    RE: #498 – I feel weird hearing that. I feel sad to think of another Siren, who is my friend, to put herself down for being feminine!?!?

    He is one of the rare ones who told you specifically what his issues were, and none of them touched on your beautiful femininity! Plus we have discussed how it’s clear he is still missing his exwife.

    I feel sad knowing your pain of unrequited love. Not a fun t-shirt to get. Been there.



  505.  #506tinque on November 15, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Daria?
    xxoo