How To Warm Him Up With YOUR Warmth

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0608263003-copyIf he’s blowing ‘”hot and cold” with his affection and attention for you – what can you do to help warm him up?

If you’re feeling resentful and confused and shut down – how can you keep from shutting HIM out, and – instead – invite him closer?

What we want here is to be able to stay WARM, connected, straightforward and always in “Feeling” mode – and you can DO that!

Next Wednesday at 5:30 PST/8:30 EST, I’ll be coaching you in my newest teleclass in my Love Forever program (it’s just for clients and members of the Love Forever program…if you’d like to find out more about it and get your own questions answered and your unique situation addressed personally by me next Wednesday evening, check out Love Forever right here–>>

Warmth is something a man can’t do without.

Yes, he’ll be momentarily intrigued by you as an “ice princess,” and (especially if he’s a player or a man with low self-esteem) he may be temporarily attracted to your coldness and aloofness (does this sound familiar?) – but after awhile, when he can’t break through your defenses and get his hidden needs for closeness met – he’ll disappear. And you won’t know “why.”

We women are often hooked by a man who blows hot and cold – but men don’t stick around for long when they don’t feel good and warm with a woman. And it isn’t just about sex.

In my next Love Forever teleclass on Wednesday January 30th (next week) at 5:30 PST/8:30EST – you’ll have a step-by-step process to help you, as we talk more and more about how all this works.

If you’re not already a member of my Love Forever client membership program (it’s just for my clients, and for you, because you’ve found your way to my private “event” list) – you’ll want to find out how to join in the next teleclass (once you join – every new teleclass in the program is free…) and instantly start working with all of Love Forever’s 14 recorded hours (so far).

These are new Tools that ONLY my clients and Love Forever members get – to find out how it can help you quickly, just go here==>>

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 9:23 am


  2.  #2Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 9:30 am

    so, do you just randomly say, “I feel angry” even if it makes absolutely no sense. I feel afraid that he’ll say “why” and I won’t have an answer.

    am I angry because I feel disconnected, ignored, toyed with?


    I don’t even feel like he’s worth it, though.

    The more I observe him, the less respect I have for him.

    I think (woops, I’m not supposed to do that as the feminine energy partner), but I think he wants me to flirt with him more.

    I feel angry because I don’t feel like I should have to.

    I feel good when a man naturally draws flirtatiousness out of me.

    Like, I can’t even control it.

    It doesn’t feel natural with him.
    It doesn’t feel good with him.
    Nothing feels natural or good with him.

    I. just. feel. addicted.


  3.  #3Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 9:32 am

    isn’t there some kind of “training” designed to create addictions? where you are so good and nice and affectionate one instant, and then aloof and apathedic and almost mean the next? I think I’ve read that somewhere.

    I feel tired and frustrated.

    I wish he would just disappear and stop reappearing.

  4.  #4Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 9:35 am

    I’m not cold and aloof! Okay, maybe a little aloof. I’m just so sick of him!

    I feel so much better when I just try to pretend that he’s not there…

  5.  #5Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 9:41 am

    Trying to observe my own behavior…

    Crap, I do the same thing.

    I’m just as guilty as he is.

    but I’m not like this with other guys!

    I feel like a normal, sane person with other guys!

    until they get girlfriends but still want my attention…

  6.  #6Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 9:44 am

    oh and that older guy who randomly started messaging me?

    He was being all cutesy and flirtatious, and I was feeling and being and responding and holding eye contact and smiling and doing everything that you’re supposed to do…

    and then I get this message that says “If I were younger and single I would love to see you more…”

    and I felt so angry, and I felt “of course.”

    I didn’t say “I feel angry.” I just said “I only see more of SINGLE guys…”

    Haven’t heard a peep from him since.

    big surprise…

  7.  #7Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 9:47 am

    why am I attracting this?
    I feel lousy all the sudden…:(

  8.  #8Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 10:06 am

    I feel embarrassed being the only person commenting. I feel lonely. Waaaaah!

  9.  #9NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 10:29 am

    I would love to get the Love Forever program, but I have to finish paying off the other programs of Rori’s that I bought first. 🙂


    P emailed me this morning. General greeting and a “take care driving” sort of message (we’re in the belt of the latest snowstorm, “Khan”). I felt that it was time I said something about his email grilling last night. I scripted some feeling messages ahead of time. I said that I felt disrespected, among other things. I said that I didn’t want to be with anyone who didn’t respect my boundaries, that I wanted someone with emotional stability and who treated me well. I kept with the feeling messages with everything. I also said that I missed him and that I missed having fun and laughing with him. I said that I wanted to enjoy talking to him and being with him.

    I didn’t know how he would take that (and I secretly wished that he would say goodbye), and for a few hours, I heard nothing from him. Then, a reply: “I got your email. Thank you for telling me your feelings.” That was it.

    Then he texted with the wish that I would be careful driving home after work. I returned the sentiment. He texted more, and I had to tell him that I was feeling hungry and was going to get some lunch. He asked me where and I told him. He said he would come over to have lunch together.

    I did NOT ask him to meet me for lunch. My first inclination was to say no, but I remembered to keep my heart open and be warm, so I agreed.

    While at lunch, I merely smiled at him and leaned back. I spoke not a word. The silence was a bit uncomfortable, but I waited. He looked at me and then smiled that little boy smile that is so charming. He said that he read my email but that he didn’t have time to process it fully. I took that as a cue to re-express the most important bits, especially that I missed him and that I wanted to be happy again. He said he wanted that too, but he didn’t know how to fix it. I gave him a few feeling messages in return and did not tell him or advise him on how to solve the problem – that’s for him to figure out.

    My stomach was in knots, but I managed to eat some of my lunch. We parted a bit uncomfortably, but I felt that some progress was made. He knows how I feel, where my boundaries are, what I want – and what I don’t want.

    And he’s not running away.

    Baby steps.

  10.  #10Starbright on January 25, 2013 at 10:31 am

    Aw Butterfly! What would feel good for you that has nothing to do with men? Sounds like you need some good loving from you. How can you best soothe yourself/little girl? She sounds angry and underneath that perhaps sad and ignored and not cherished the way that would feel good for her. What feels good and playful? Take her out and let her see and be!

    Hugs to you!

  11.  #11Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 10:33 am

    Lamab, don’t let that kind of energy get you down. It says nothing about you (only that he was attracted and that’s flattering 🙂 and everything about him. That kind of man is nothing but trouble, toxic trouble and not worth our time.

    I had a man flirting with me last night. He walks by and says hi, making eye contact, smiling etc. Then I see the ring on his finger. What an a-hole! It’s not worth putting anymore energy into a man like that! So just take it as compliment that he was attracted and move on to someone else who is available. This isn’t about you, its about him and his toxic energy. He’s trying reel you into something bad bad bad…don’t go for it.

  12.  #12FlowerChild77 on January 25, 2013 at 10:34 am

    I’m here….I don’t know what the answer is…but I’m pretty sure your response was perfect. Showing anger toward him wouldn’t have made any sense, since what you’re angry about is that you seem to be attracting men who are not what you want.

    I’m sure the other Sirens will have some good thoughts about this for you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, here.

  13.  #13Lori on January 25, 2013 at 10:37 am

    You did great Newfmom!

  14.  #14NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 10:37 am

    Hey Butterfly – we’re listening! 🙂

    I can imagine your frustration. But, it sounds like you’re handling things well. You just successfully weeded out an unavailable man. You also discovered that you’re not turned on by the other man enough to be flirty with him.

    I have one word for both of them:


    Don’t be discouraged – you are discovering your powers and your boundaries. And you are enforcing them.

    This is a GOOD thing! <3

  15.  #15FlowerChild77 on January 25, 2013 at 10:41 am

    Newfmom…I know that Rori says “disrepected” is not really a FM. There is always something underneath it and—getting to what that is—would be the feeling. I think an “I don’t want” message would be in order here.

    What is the boundary he crossed? How did it make you feel?

    “I feel_______. I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?” OR “I feel______. I don’t want to feel that way with a man. What do you think?”

  16.  #16NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 10:46 am

    FlowerChild – yes, you’re right. Disrespected isn’t a feeling, but at the time, I didn’t have an adequate word to describe the way I felt about him asking me about my other dates when he already promised me he wouldn’t ask.

    I still can’t find a “feeling” to define it within the context.

    However, the rest of my messages were feelings, so I didn’t go too far off-course.

    He seemed receptive.

  17.  #17Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 10:57 am

    Wow, just had this insight. Instead of my being grossed out by the sexual energy coming from a man (this is what I’ve been feeling because of what I’ve recently been through), maybe I can just enjoy it. I think where I get tripped up is my belief that it has to lead to something….but it doesn’t. It can just be on its own terms and enjoyed for what it is. It doesn’t have to lead to ANYTHING. For some reason, I’m really loving this thought right now. 🙂

  18.  #18Femininewoman on January 25, 2013 at 11:00 am

    NewfMom I believe you did well.

    Maybe just I feel weird or squeezed in a corner like a scared shivering rabbit with no escape?

  19.  #19Lori on January 25, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Exactly LL! Just enjoy it! Flirt with it. Feel the energy, bathe in it. We are sexual beings but that doesn’t mean you have to act on it.

  20.  #20NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 11:01 am

    What a cool feeling, Liquid Light! You’re right – it doesn’t have to lead *anywhere* if you don’t want it to.

    Such power we have, yes? 🙂

  21.  #21Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 11:02 am

    YEAH, Lori, I love that! 😀

  22.  #22Femininewoman on January 25, 2013 at 11:02 am

    I wonder if “I notice myself feeling resistant to answering that question” would be okay.

  23.  #23Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 11:04 am

    Yeah, NewfMom, we really do!!! 🙂

  24.  #24NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 11:09 am

    FW – great ideas, both of them. when it was going on yesterday, I could feel myself losing control. I felt *exactly* like I was being cornered with no escape.

    Ah, but hindsight is 20/20… 😉

    Thanks, girl!

  25.  #25Lori on January 25, 2013 at 11:10 am

    Here you go K2012

    425: Lori says:

    I feel really excited and happy to see the results or reactions of using FMs with the men that I’m cding or even just while out. It’s awesome how they react. I would have never thought. I realized that part of it was that I was afraid I would appear “ditzy”. No, they love it, respond to it. I was told last night by one that he can feel my enthusiasm for life and my smile. That he can actually picture me smiling while we are texting.

    Another one said he can visualize my warmth and almost feel himself hugging and holding me. I was giggling while texting/emailing because I was so thrilled over the reactions.

    I’m a sensual, sexy, happy woman who is learning to reach in and open the door to myself. As I’m doing this, I can almost picture that scared girl inside of me creeping out.

    Friday, 25 January 2013 @ 8:08am

  26.  #26NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 11:12 am

    Lori – I feel SOOO happy reading your comment! So warm and bubbly – and excited!

    The scared little girl will always be there. Give her a little love. 🙂

  27.  #27Lori on January 25, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Exactly NewfMom, she’s safe to come out. I’m realizing that she’s been my “voice” warning me because of abandonment and trust issues. I won’t abandon me and I can trust myself. I’m learning and it makes me feel really happy and more confident.

    Thank you Dominique, FW and Rori for your lessons. 🙂

  28.  #28Elsie on January 25, 2013 at 11:24 am

    Hi all –

    Ok – he asked me to go work out with him which I did – we do that every day.

    I actually acted a bit aloof and used my humor to cut him down a bit which cracked him up. Then all of a sudden there he was standing next to me as I got ready to run on the treadmill. LOL.

    We were talking about the whole Te’o scandal as we were doing some other working out and he said something about it wasnt real because the girl would have never allowed a relationship where a guy didnt see her for 3 years and vice versa. I agreed. And then he threw in this comment – yah, girls are needy and clingy. Instead of getting defensive thinking he was talking about me in a roundabout way, I just laughed and said – yes, its TOTALLY needy and clingy to want to see your boyfriend once every three years, especially when you are going through supposed chemotherapy LOL. And he laughed, and I just shook my head.

    I could have taken the bait. I didnt.

    I even cut him down a bit more and then bantered with him etc. I told him to tuck his crazy back in. LOL.

    I feel better. I feel like I’m awesome. And I’m funny. And HE is the lucky one if he gets to be with me. And that frankly is a fact. He wont ever find anyone who gets him and who is as good to him as me and thats that.

    So – here I am. You’ll find me over here….leaning waaaaay back.


  29.  #29Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 11:28 am

    OMG, I’m loving everyone!! Except for my ex who I think is a toxic pile of selfish ****! hahahaha!!! but everyone else and it feels great! Ughh. I hope this isn’t some temporary hallucinatory state that I”m in and the love bubble will burst and I’m going to wake up to the dreary thud of reality…oh well, I guess I”ll just enjoy it while it lasts! 🙂

  30.  #30Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 11:36 am

    aw, I feel supported. Thanks, everyone. 🙂

  31.  #31Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Loved your story, Elsie, it made me laugh! You go, girl! Love it! 🙂

  32.  #32Mel on January 25, 2013 at 12:07 pm


    “I feel just so much anger at him… and I pretty much let him have it the rest of the way home. knowing deep down my saying anything after that point wasnt going ot help me at all. but I was angry. and I feel stuck. I feel like I am somtimes living in a box lined in spikesand glass… because no one cares what I feel or what I want. no one wants to take care of me.
    and that feels terrible.”

    Awww… hugs to you Natalina!

    This feels so close to home…

    I discovered Rori as my 10-year marriage was disintegrating. And it felt so horrible that the tools weren’t “working.”

    Many times, my feeling messages were responded to with “I don’t care how you feel.” And that felt so lonely and dark.

    I remember those horrible car rides… where I would lash out and “let him have it” to get SOME kind of reaction, SOME emotion. It felt like living with a robot. I wanted to scream: Why won’t you either just LOVE me or LET ME GO!!!!! I don’t want to live in this anxious limbo state while YOU weigh your options!!! How did we get to this place where you don’t even CARE how I feel?

    But then I realized that, actually, someone DID care… ME! I just decided that I didn’t want to feel bad anymore. And then, the feeling messages became all about me. They didn’t have to “work.” Just honoring my feelings and speaking the truth started to boost my confidence. And the lashing out stopped. Because I cared. I cared for myself.

  33.  #33Elsie on January 25, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    @ Liquid light – I’m glad I could make you laugh.

    THIS is my comfort zone. Funny banter, sarcastic wit, cutting humor that hurts juuuuuuuust a little bit. 🙂

    Mean = funny. Thats my formula LOL.

    For some reason I feel like myself more than I have in a while. Its a defensive mechanism for sure – but hey at least its one that entertains people, right? I do deflect with humor, but wow, I feel like myself again.

    Now, ask me again at midnight when I’m lonely if I’m feeling so funny. LOL.

    anyway – the point is – I dont care if he texts me tonight or this weekend, or on Mon or Tuesday.

    I’m awesome. I’ve lost tons of weight, I look 10 years younger than I really am, I’m sweet and I used to do professional comedy – so there you go – I’m a catch.

    If I’m not careful, I’m going to ask myself out in a minute. 🙂


  34.  #34Rebecca on January 25, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Daria from the last thread.

    I just want to say wow, thank you for that input. There is so much there for me to work through and digest.

    Reading what you wrote I feel like I really understand what you are saying. I am going to use it as my own personal reference point to put into practise.

    I think it will be hard for me because it feels like an undoable challenge at the moment, and I suppose at the back of my mind I am worried about failing and never “getting it” and then feeling worse about myself.

    But I am going to try and relax and enjoy it. I’m gonna sink into my feelings and read and read and read what you wrote….

    Thank you!

  35.  #35Rebecca on January 25, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Yay! I feel excited..

    And scared…

    And I gonna slather big heaps of love on that fear and anxiety.

    I’m gonna hug it and love it!

  36.  #36Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    Elsie, funny is great! Men love a fun, playful woman…keep it up! Wow, you used to do comedy professionally??? So so awesome!!! You rock, girl! 🙂

  37.  #37NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Elsie – you do sound like quite the catch! You go, girl!

    P emailed me with concern for my drive home. He knows that my tires are okay, but they need replacing. I had planned on doing that next month. Of course, storms don’t care about your schedule.

    He lives about 15 minutes away from where I work and I live about an hour away at my current place (I’m moving next weekend). He offered to let me stay at his house until traffic is cleared and it’s safer to drive.

    I’m going to take him up on it. I don’t know what will happen, but I will work on “being surprised” – and use as many feeling messages as I can.

  38.  #38Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Riffing some more here, ladies, I hope you are not getting sick of me!

    On the other hand, (regarding the guy with the ring on who was flirting we me last night) it just hit me that you never really know what someone else’s situation is. When I first moved into my neighborhood a few years ago, there was a very attractive man that started to flirt with me. Then I found out he was married. I was so disgusted and was trying to the “right” thing by not engaging with him in a flirtatious way, I really tried to not feed that energy I was getting from him.

    But I was in reality very attracted to him. There’s something about him that I really liked and it wasn’t just on a physical level. It was strange because we had hardly any contact with each other but when I did see him, there was there huge charge of excitement I would get from it. But like I said, I totally resisted him and his attentions because he was married. Then a few months later, I found he and his wife were in the middle of separating and have since divorced. So one never really knows what is going on with someone else! Now I kinda regret that I wasn’t more open to him.

  39.  #39Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    If he’ll do that to her, who is to say he won’t do that with you? *next* don’t regret!

  40.  #40Smile on January 25, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    From previous thread

    Terena and indigo, thank you for your responses.

    I’ve investigated a bit more about sleep cycles to see what would be a good length of time for me to sleep. I’ve found it really fascinated actually. Calculating the time I’m going to bed to when my alarm goes off I am in the deepest part if my cycle. So I’m going to tweak this and see what happens. It’s because I have moved house and the half an hour extra travel to work is interfering with my sleep cycles.

    Tomorrow is Saturday and no alarm is needed. I’ll get up when I want as Ive planned a slow relaxing morning.

  41.  #41Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    Who’s to say he would? All I’m saying is you never really know…maybe the lesson is to keep the heart open until there’s a good reason not to?

  42.  #42NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Mel – I saw your comment, and I have to pass on some kudos to you for being so brave.

    Sometimes it feels like no one cares – until you understand that YOU care. And that’s what matters.

    How comforting that feels.

  43.  #43Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    Btw, I got to know his ex-wife a few months later. She turned out to be a very insecure nasty woman with a mean streak. She tried to get me back for her ex flirting with me and did something to me that was very mean and petty (even though I did NOTHING wrong.)
    Who would want to stay married to someone like that? There are many sides to a story…

  44.  #44Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    We can all be nasty insecure women with mean streaks at times, can’t we? does that mean we don’t deserve compassion, forgiveness, and love? Indeed, there are many sides to a story…

  45.  #45Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    my boundaries are such that I don’t allow people to treat me in a mean, petty way especially when I have been a good friend. No, she doesn’t deserve my love…I reserve that for people that treat me well, both men and women!!

  46.  #46Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    good for you, Liquid Light! Sigh, I guess I’m just feeling really triggered lately, which is ironic, since I was feeling so good until he appeared again!

    He doesn’t control my feelings, I do.

    Lots of growing up to do…


  47.  #47Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    I don’t mean to be harsh, but her (my neighbor’s) vibe was one of desperation when it came to men. I never got it because she was attractive, smart, accomplished, fun, etc. But when it came to men, she was desperate and desperation is NOT attractive.

  48.  #48NewfMom on January 25, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    LL – I think that Butterfly is trying to see the issue from all sides. No, you don’t have to tolerate someone who is nasty to you. But, it helps to understand that we all have those moments and act that way from time to time – and that doesn’t make us a bad person.

    The ex may have a backstory that could shed some light on why she is that way.

  49.  #49Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    I’m really sensitive about marriage. I didn’t necessarily mean that she deserved that from YOU, Liquid Light, but I do believe she deserved that from the man who made a promise to love her in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. but people don’t promise that anymore, do they?

  50.  #50Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Thank god they didn’t have kids…then it becomes a whole different story IMHO

    Maybe its a respectable thing that he got out before they did have kids…I dunno.

  51.  #51Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    I don’t doubt that she had a vibe of desperation when it came to men. It is my hope that she seeks help for her issues. I’m attractive, smart, fun, and accomplished too. and I have DEFINITELY been desperate, and I admit that openly. women who are desperate for attention from men, are desperate for love, and have very likely been deprived of love that most have been shown freely, as a basic human right.

    I hope she finds Rori, and a man who won’t leave her in her desperation.

    and I hope nothing but good things for you too, Liquid Light!

    and thanks for your input, Newfmom. I feel like you’re getting me.

    sigh, I feel really sad for love-starved women, and the things it drives them to do…

  52.  #52Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Yes, she’s going to have to fill that hole herself..she can’t expect it from anyone else.

    My ex had a huge hole that he needed to be filled up too. It’s not just women. But it’s not going to come from someone else…we all have to fill our own holes ourselves…OK, that sounds a bit weird but you know what I mean 😉

  53.  #53Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    hey, it would feel great if we could talk sometime this weekend. what do you think?

    I think I feel calm enough to say that now. and I think it would feel great, because it would feel great to be seen and heard.

    I know you’re not supposed to reach out, and I know that reaching out is our way of seeking relief from the anxiety we feel for not hearing from him,

    but is that so wrong?

    I have no expectations.
    I just want to be heard.

    I want to release this to the Universe.

    I want him to know how I’m feeling and why I’m feeling that way, and it is impossible to communicate that with other people around.

    I mean, I guess I could’ve pulled him aside last night, but what would be the point?

    that’s still leaning forward.

    and when you have a feminine energy man, what else can you do? I’ve been outgirling him forever. he ain’t going to man up anytime soon.

    I do feel better for talking to SMC, even though it hurt. I feel like it revealed his character to me.

    He respects me.
    and I don’t have him staring at me or trying to get my attention anymore, and that feels like relief in a peanut butter sandwich.

    I want more relief.

    and higher quality men.

  54.  #54Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    @52 haha, thanks for that LL! I need to lighten up right now…

  55.  #55Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    🙂 lamabutterfly: maybe you could tell him that you aren’t going to expect him to fill up your hole and that you can take care of that yourself, thank you very much…


  56.  #56Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    @55 LL – aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

  57.  #57Tereslyn on January 25, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Hello everyone, I have a date tonite with a new guy and I’m so excited. I feel we have really connected over the phone the past 2 weeks. So far he has said everything right. I want to use my FM ‘s and lean back. But I’m nervous ciz I really want him to like me and I want to like him . Perhaps I should just relax and be surprised . I’m gonna practice Rori’s breathing exercises and hope that helps me not be so nervous. Regardless, this will be a learning experience and perhaps more. Wish me luck!

  58.  #58Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    That’s exciting Tereslyn, good luck! Maybe you could try being open about your nervousness a bit instead of covering it up? Just a thought…

  59.  #59Tereslyn on January 25, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    Thx great thought , yes I will try and be open about my nervousness . I want to be genuine and honest and that is how I feel. Thx for the advice

  60.  #60Memulo on January 25, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Annie, thank you, I don’t have a problem now, my prior cd is a history.

  61.  #61Memulo on January 25, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Elsie, I almost laughed when I read about your ‘codependency’. I’m codependent too as such I want to feel loved, needed and secure in a relationship. With prior cd I was wondering at times what’s going on and felt codependent. With my cd who gives me a lot of attention I feel so independent , you won’t believe it;)

  62.  #62Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Tereslyn, it sounds like you will have a great date! Have fun and good luck!

  63.  #63Mercedes on January 25, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Elsie: This comes HIGHLY recommended by lots of people in a position to give amazing advice:

    “If I’m not careful, I’m going to ask myself out in a minute.” 🙂 🙂

    Much Love,

  64.  #64Sha-sha on January 25, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    Happy Friday. Everyone!!! HOPE ALL OF U are doing good and have a awesome weekend!! Xoxo

  65.  #65Heart on January 25, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    Hi Sirens – is it really worth it to get Rori’s new edition of HTRYW ?

  66.  #66Lori on January 25, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    I’m missing K right now. Not as much as I used to but I am missing him. I haven’t heard from him since Tuesday evening. I’m CDing and enjoying myself but missing him still creeps in on me. I’m feeling him for the first time in a couple of days. He must be thinking of me. lol

  67.  #67Elsie on January 25, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    @lamabutterfly –

    Why do you need ot have this talk with him? What do you hope to get out of it? Have you had “talks” with him before?

  68.  #68Daria on January 25, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    im diggin Rori’s pic!

    nice Rori!

  69.  #69Daria on January 25, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    NewFmom – i’d say

    “whoa… *frown 🙁 * i feel bad being asked that…*trails off with pout*”

  70.  #70Daria on January 25, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Lama –

    “I know you’re not supposed to reach out, and I know that reaching out is our way of seeking relief from the anxiety we feel for not hearing from him,

    but is that so wrong?”

    yes Lama, it is, because that’s showing the lil girl that we’re not there for her, it’s not safe and we’re not enought, and we need another person who has to make it ‘ok’, even if..

    maybe they wont

    and we’ll feel crushed

    it’s taking a chance to crush the lil girl by putting her happiness dependent on the outcome of this talk with someone else

    you can’t help but feel powerless/helpless/dependent… you are!

    instead what i would want my mama to do is focus and do all the consistent practice of caring for me and lessening my anxiety in ways that *I* am the one in control of myself, and not dependent on an outcome of : feelings of connection with another person

    in other words, it is really important to build up the skill of self soothing in OTHER ways…ways we can count on and feel in control of ourselves… than the one of reaching out to a man/parent/being who might or might not connect with us the way we want

  71.  #71Daria on January 25, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    on the other hand, if you Do reach out, nothing bad happens really, its just not using your energy to build up your other options of self-care and self soothing

  72.  #72Femininewoman on January 25, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Heart – I believe all her products are worth it. Just that I don’t necessarily believe that each person need to get every product.

  73.  #73Daria on January 25, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    so to contradict myself since i started out wiht a dramatic entrance:

    it’s not wrong

    it’s just not the parenting i’d choose for my lil girl

  74.  #74Femininewoman on January 25, 2013 at 3:46 pm

  75.  #75Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    I just read the horrible story about the woman who was killed by the handyman who came to help her with her mouse problem. They got into an argument and he killed her!

    I know this is extreme, and I’m not trying to be fear-based, however the man didn’t even know her and this horrible thing happened. If there is a little bit of instability and deep insecurity there, who knows what some men might be capable of? This is especially scary to me because of the man I was just involved with. He was a very insecure man and he put me in some dangerous situations. I can see this looking back now.

    We need to, as women, be very careful around men that have these qualities. No man is worth us putting ourselves in harm’s way, ladies, NO MAN is worth that! Sorry to be a downer but reading that story really shook me up. I am lucky that it has ended and I wasn’t harmed. The male ego can be a very fragile thing. Be careful.

  76.  #76Sha-sha on January 25, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    I agree with u on ur last post liquid light

  77.  #77Femininewoman on January 25, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    3320: Rori Raye says:

    angela, Welcome, and I’m so glad you have the new ebook and are starting with loving the Nasty Voice. Here’s the simple “rule” – there are lots of parts of ourselves with lots of different voices, and some of them sound hateful and scream at us and tell us we’re horrible – and the way to integrate them all into the one “you” in a most efficient, big-hearted and successful way is just to LOVE them all. Unconditionally. Don’t try to figure out if you’re getting a good warning or a fake one – because to these parts – ALL warnings are real and good! All these parts of ourselves are trying to HELP – even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.

    Now – I’ve started writing and writing, so I’m going to make this an actual post for everyone to read….Love, Rori

  78.  #78Vi on January 25, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    ‘What do you think’ part of communication feels more and more natural to me. And I feel less and less threatened by other people’s opinion 🙂 Threat’s being replaced by real curiosity! WooHoo!

  79.  #79BeLoved on January 25, 2013 at 5:06 pm


    Daria makes some good points and I’ll also add..
    I’ve done the reaching out thing before, and it caused me a lot of pain.
    Yet, at the same time, it was that very pain that started to grow up my lil’ girl. I don’t think of myself as having a lil’ girl much anymore, it’s just ‘me’ and the pain made my heart wiser, stronger, and more resilient.

    Pros and cons…

  80.  #80BeLoved on January 25, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    I was in a space to be grateful for it in the moment.
    I was on my knees bawling, “thank you! thank you!” – the experiences were ecstatic. I trusted myself and had an idea of what I was in for.
    So there’s that, too.

  81.  #81Turquoise on January 25, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Hi Sirens! Happy Friday! It’s very cold here and the roads are bad, so I’m enjoying a quiet night at home. I made homemade pizza, even the crust…and am watching movies. My girls are hanging out in the gameroom, so it’s quiet here. Kind of a nice way to end the week. I have been such a klutz today. First, I tripped and hit the wall with my shoulder… ouch, quite sore. Then, I spilled a full glass of pop all over the couch, and myself. Good thing I’m home and off the icy roads. 🙂

    I wanted to share that Sweetheart texted me this morning to say that he’s highly considering going back to work. He said he’s been thinking about it the last week, looking at his life, what he wants for us, and feels it’s time to be a productive member of society and to stop feeling sorry for himself. He has a dr. appointment Feb. 7th, and a lot depends on that. They would have to reduce his pain medication and clear him to drive…. but he feels good about it. He said I’ve made him feel good about himself again and he sees what he’s been missing all these years. He’d earn probably twice what he’d get in social security. I never asked him to do that, but I did share that for me to make a lifelong commitment to someone, I’d need to feel financially secure. He told me he totally understood, he wanted that as well. I guess he thought about it more.

    I feel really touched, deep in my heart, at the realization what we do and say really does affect other people. I haven’t done anything extraordinary for him. I’ve been kind, accepting, supportive and complimentary. That’s it. It’s been almost 4 months of talking regularly and almost 2 months of dating…. In just a short time you can really impact another person. I feel good that no matter what happens in the long run, it’s been positive and healing for both of us. I’ve learned a lot and really, using feeling messages, being warm and open, vulnerable yes, but so worth it.

    I’ve reminded him time and time again that I haven’t done anything, and he always says that I’ve done more than I know just by how I treat him and make him feel about himself, he’s the one making the changes, but I do feel good that I’m inspiring him. He’s STILL not smoking! 🙂 I’m so proud of him.

    He handled the news that I’m taking the girls to meet their dad next weekend and staying, way better than I would. I’m relieved though, that it’s not something to fight about. I really feel like I need a change of scenery and a chance to unwind. A friend of mine is dog sitting, so next week at this time, I will be at a ski resort, swimming in a heated pool and enjoying being away with my girls in a beautiful, scenic place. 🙂

    What else is new….. OH, so happy my tax return was accepted, so should be getting that soon and I’ve really been working on my budget and savings plan. I’m so proud of myself, because it’s something I’ve struggled with a lot, and I’m being responsible, getting bills paid off, and see that I can make a few sacrifices (which shopping has just been my retail therapy, instead of dealing with issues) to feel good in the long term.

    Tomorrow morning I’m going to a church group meeting about human trafficing and then I’ll see Sweetheart. I don’t know what we’ll do… something cheap. We are both pretty broke until next week. The nice thing is, no matter what we do, he makes me feel adored. I haven’t seen him since Sunday. It’s the longest we’ve gone in a long time. I wanted to give him a chance to miss me, and had a busy week. He has, he’s been telling me all week that he misses me, loves me, and can’t wait to see me. It’s a new feeling… to get what you’ve been looking for. I’m still not quite sure what to do with it. I wonder if I know how to be happy with someone else. Who will I be when I’m not Turquoise, searching for romance and being disappointed? What would it be like to feel happy in all areas of my life? Not just as a mother and about my family and friends? What would life be like to…. arrive? I wonder.

  82.  #82Femininewoman on January 25, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    Aaaaahhhhhh Turquoise

  83.  #83LoveAlways on January 25, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    I can feel when a man’s energy is not flowing to me and it feels rotten. Stepping back doesn’t seem like enough for me. I want distance. i need to heal this. taking a mini siren break and going to disconnect. Ahhhh, that feels better already

  84.  #84Turquoise on January 25, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    Sweetheart called and we talked for 45 min. He often says how much he loves our conversations and that he feels, it’s part of what makes us work. He told me he loves me, not just because I’m beautiful and kind, but because of how we talk and how I make him feel. He uses the word feel often, and I’m definitely aware of it. 🙂 Earlier today we were texting and he said how much he missed me. I told him I missed him too and felt kind of pouty. I told him I missed his voice and asked him to call me later if he had the chance. He told me that it was a take his breath away moment to realize that all I was asking of him, was to call me so I could hear his voice. That of course he could do that and he regularly calls me anyways, but he was so happy to make me happy and that something simple like hearing his voice, would do it.

    He also shared again how I don’t even know how much I mean to him and how I make him feel. He shared that he’d called his ex earlier today to ask her to keep an ear open if any jobs are posted at her company. She works for a huge medical company, lots of locations, opportunities, etc. She asked why and he said he felt it was time to start looking. She told him she didn’t think he was capable of going back to work. He said to me, how is that supposed to make me feel? I told him that would make me feel pretty bad. And then he said, do you see now, do you get it why I say you make me feel so good about myself? You say I’m handsome, that you love my blue eyes, that I make you happy…. and when I told you I was thinking about going back to work, you believed in me. Then he said that he hasn’t had even a basic compliment in years. Which, he’s told me many times. It reminds me of the empty love tank…. that when it’s empty, nothing sticks. He has a great support network with family, but it’s different when it’s someone not related to you.

    I’m going to make an effort to share compliments with people on a regular basis. People I run into at the store, friends, neighbors, etc. You just never know how something so small can mean so much to someone. I try to do that now…. but I’m going to think of it as part of my healing. To heal myself and what I don’t like about myself through compliments with others.

    I started a new self love thing too. No more saying anything negative about myself. I’ve been doing that all week, and I feel much more pleasant and even more patient with my girls. We had a beautiful week.

  85.  #85Turquoise on January 25, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    I’m getting there FW 🙂 I feel soooo different. Deep inside. It’s made a physical difference too. My stomach feels nervous a lot. It’s not affecting my health or anything, but I feel all these feelings and can feel it in my stomach too, wondering what comes next. Tonight I feel settled though. I feel wonderful. Sweetheart told me it feels like such a long time since he’s seen me and held me. That he really misses me. I told him that I missed him too, and maybe that was a good thing. We didn’t see each other all week and it gave us a chance to miss each other. He replied, that is part of why I love you so much. You can put a positive spin on just about anything!

  86.  #86Turquoise on January 25, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    Flowerchild, from the previous thread. Thank you!

  87.  #87Turquoise on January 25, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    Hmmmm….. where is everyone tonight? Hot dates? Special “me time” nights? I can’t wait to hear all about it!

    I have watched too many movies today…. being snowed in could have been a productive day, but instead I indulged in comfy clothes, watching movies and relaxing. Tomorrow, I need to move more, I’m stiff! 🙂

  88.  #88Daria on January 25, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    Rori’s leaning Forward in this pic and in the video

    hehe Boy Rori 🙂

  89.  #89Daria on January 25, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    note to myself: i feel more sensitive to electronic vibes and it feeling uncomfy when its a full moon

  90.  #90Vi on January 25, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    Yay! Tapping on smth I felt unable to forgive myself for uncovered my anger at parents. Before that it manifested itself through grumbling. I feel so excited and relieved to connect to it through my feelings!! I love my anger! I love my sadness! hehe.. I feel giggly to find out that finding my anger can make me feel so joyful

  91.  #91Annie on January 25, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    I feel curious, wanted to know what sort of things would be classed as cold and like an ice princess?

  92.  #92Annie on January 25, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Would that be keeping feelings to oneself?

  93.  #93Annie on January 25, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Me too Daria, I am not able to sleep.

  94.  #94Vi on January 25, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    Annie, I would say keeping oneself off your feelings )

  95.  #95Femininewoman on January 25, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    Turquoise I believe what he is saying is what Rori talks about all the time. It is no wonder that no woman has a chance when a siren is around.

  96.  #96Daria on January 25, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    2nd note to self: one hit of ganja or

    possibly other stuff that soothes nervous system like a big bowl of oatmeal

    reduces the sensitivity;paim drastically

  97.  #97Daria on January 25, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    another thing i think hellps is sugar!

  98.  #98Turquoise on January 25, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    Thank you FW. I’m curious to see how others respond to the more feeling me. 🙂

    Daria, what hurts or are you trying to soothe?

    Annie, I used to feel that my heart was like crystal. It looked pretty and reflected out this shiny love, but it was hard and guarded. That might not be the same as ice princess behavior because I tried to be warm and sweet…. But I held back, afraid to get hurt.

  99.  #99Liquid Light on January 25, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    ‘I’m going to make an effort to share compliments with people on a regular basis. People I run into at the store, friends, neighbors, etc. You just never know how something so small can mean so much to someone. I try to do that now…. but I’m going to think of it as part of my healing. To heal myself and what I don’t like about myself through compliments with others. ‘

    I love that, Turquoise, I’ve been trying to do more of that too and it feels great. We don’t appreciate each other enough and it can make such a huge difference. There is so much beauty in others that we can acknowledge, love and give voice to. We all respond to this and its funny how something so small can impact others in such a big way! Thanks so much for writing this, Turquoise! See how your words have had a huge impact on me already! 🙂

  100.  #100Indigo on January 25, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    Daria 69 & 70

    This is so wise.

  101.  #101Turquoise on January 25, 2013 at 9:36 pm

    Thank you liquid light. I’m glad it touched you too, and you are absolutely right. We don’t appreciate each other enough. I’m going to try and read the person too, see what kind of compliment the person might need, not just the most obvious. 🙂

  102.  #102Indigo on January 25, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    Dominique (from previous thread)

    Thank you so much. Your encouragement means a great deal to me.

    I agree with you, I think it is fear of being abandoned or rejected for sure. I actually feel so thrilled with how far I’ve come, and that it has so much less of a hold on me than it did before (and it’s with so much thanks to all of you) and I feel so encouraged by your words that I can get there, that I can get to the point where I can smile at my fear and just gently put it to bed, as you say.

    I feel now that I am going to give the 6 months break he has asked for. So far, I have really only got to the point in myself that I have made the decision, I don’t yet know how I’m going to do it

    Your words to Elsie were helpful too (and Linda’s and Feminine Woman’s) for the reminder to be that reassurance for ourselves, to really get to the point where we love ourselves enough that we are able to create a beautiful strong feeling in ourselves for ourselves.


    Friday, 25 January 2013

  103.  #103Indigo on January 25, 2013 at 9:46 pm


    Your story with Sweetheart feels so warm and soft to read. Reading what he said to you and how he said you make him feel just made me melt.

  104.  #104Indigo on January 25, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    I spent last night with D. It’s supposed to be the last time we see each other before we take our 6 months break.

    We have a ritual on a Friday night, where he plays an online game with friends (they do raids and such), and this suits me so well because after a tiring week, I get a bottle of wine, and I cook and sing in the kitchen, and then I put on a DVD, EXACTLY what I want to watch, and then I might have a luxurious little snooze on the huge couch. And then he comes through, late, when he’s finished, and just absolutely wraps me in his arms, and for some reason after all of this I can feel waves of adoration coming towards me. He holds me tighter than at any other time. And we fall asleep together.

    And that’s what happened last night. And I LOVED it.

  105.  #105Annie on January 26, 2013 at 1:34 am



    I agree with you, I think it is fear of being abandoned or rejected for sure.”

    It’s about not abandoning or rejecting are feelings any of them, loving all of them and being there fore them taking care and looking after them. X

  106.  #106Indigo on January 26, 2013 at 1:50 am


    Thank you. This is very true. I am trying to love and soothe my vulnerable feelings and it’s very good for me to practice, but not always easy 🙂 x

  107.  #107Rebecca on January 26, 2013 at 2:20 am

    I feel really freaked out and concerned about my position at work. I feel numb like I am just invisible. I don’t feel like I fit in at all.

    I got an email off my boss to tell me that the people in my office are missing me (I’m working on a project outside of my office). She told me that I need to come back so that they can see what I am working on and “bond” with me.

    I felt very violated and shocked and scared reading this. When I did work in the office nobody spoke to me. I feel angry that she is trying to “control” me. I don’t know what to do and that doesn’t feel good.

    I feel frozen. I feel tense. I feel like anger bubbling up inside of me wanting to explode and scream and shout.

    I feel scared. I feel frustrated. I feel unable to explain my point of view.

    I feel frustrated because I am a lot more advanced in the technical side of the business that almost ALL of my work colleagues. And I feel frustrated because they just “don’t get” it – and because of all their interference I am finding it increasingly difficult to do my job.

    I feel angry because they are not even interested in improvements. They want things to stay the same way.

    Basically I work in an office where people spend their entire day either moaning about the company, surfing Facebook, emailing their friends, taking all afternoon lunch breaks, saying that they can’t do any work because the IT department needs to fix their computer (this could go on for weeks or days at least).

    Taking all day to do the tiniest of tasks and not even question their own time management skills.

    This is the whole of the office I work in!!!! And yet they are always complaining about how busy they are – how stressed they are!! They are all so fake…..

    I wish I didn’t have to work there but it was the only job I could get. And I have been working on a project which meant I was working in a different office with a consultancy company – and I really LOVED that.

    BUT now the company I am working for has got really knarky with me saying that I have made myself “too comfortable” there. Which was NOT the case at all. I resent being spoken to that way.

    NOW they have called me back to the office – saying I need to “bond” with my work colleagues and that they all really miss me.

    Literally, when I was working in the office I had ZERO work to do. Or one tiny piece of work to do which I had to make last one month.

    When I asked for more work I would be told “Yeah, yeah – give me five minutes” After 2 hours I would ask again and I would get the response. “Can I get back to you tomorrow. Sorry I’m snowed at the mo.” Then he disappears out the door to go home leaving me with no work to do.

    Grrrr… I wish I could sort out in my head what is going on.

    I feel so wound up. I feel like branches of a tree all twisted and intertwined.

    Why am I feeling so scared and frustrated? How can I soothe myself…

    I feel like the one sane person in a house of mad people…

    I feel angry that I am not liked and understood.

    I feel misunderstood and shut out.

    I feel desperate to fit in.

    I love my anger I love my desperation.

    I want to protect myself, I don’t know how.

    Maybe there is no protection.

    I feel tense in my back. In my lower back. In my shoulders.

    I feel drained.

  108.  #108Rebecca on January 26, 2013 at 2:25 am


    Maybe I could try and lean back..

    But I am scared to.

    Maybe I will try and sink into my feelings…

    But I feel overwhelmed with responsibility. I feel numb.

    I can’t leave. But what if I am forced into an uncompromising position? This doesn’t feel good to me.

    I guess the answer is to try to look for another job.

  109.  #109Rebecca on January 26, 2013 at 2:52 am

    I suppose there is a part of me that feels I am too good for that place…

    And this is a belief I want to work at changing because I don’t feel that it serves me.

    I feel arrogant and indifferent to these people – and I don’t understand or care about them.

    Maybe I am getting back what I am projecting at them??

    Sure FW has something to say about that.

    I suppose a part of me feels embarrassed to be working there. I even try to hide it or make a joke of it when I am talking to my friends OR telling ex-work colleagues.

    What does this say about me? I don’t want to feel ashamed of where I work – I want to feel proud.

    Everyone there seems to demoralised and down. Or is that my interpretation? Do I need to stay open minded??

    I have worked in these situations before but for a much shorter time. I feel impatient to make things “better” for people. But it also feels scary and too big a challenge for me – and that I might fail and then they will all feel disappointed.

    I feel scared and overwhelmed. I am doubting myself. I am losing my nerve because everything is moving so slowly that I am thinking about it all too much.

    Every little detail is being poured over so slowly I am finding it hard to work in any kind of flow. I feel confused and overwhelmed.

    I feel embarrassed to be talking about this.

    I feel angry that I can’t just ride the storm.

    I feel embarrassed when I share my worries with my male boss – who looks at me like he never worries about anything.

    And his advice to me is not to worry.

    Then I worry that he see’s me as a typical female who gets overwhelmed by her emotions and isn’t right for the job.

    I have this belief that I am doing a “man’s job”. The because I am a woman I will not be taken seriously. And then this freaks me out. And then when I get freaked out I worry that people sense this and it confirms that I am not right for the job because I am a woman.

    I sometimes childlike and overwhelmed in the world of men.

    Like if I raise my voice or insist on making my views heard then I am looked at as being hysterical. The men never seem to worry about this.

    I get a lot of shocked looks if I speak up and give my point of view. I almost sense their anger and the how dare she. And then I feel I have to soften myself so I don’t appear too bombastic.

    Am I worrying too much?? It’s impossible for me to judge.

    Am I going into masculine energy….??

  110.  #110Rebecca on January 26, 2013 at 3:07 am


    I think I need to go off and try and focus on something else for a bit…

    What can I do for myself today?

  111.  #111Daria on January 26, 2013 at 3:30 am

    Nanny CD fuchked up…

    and i feel so glad!

    i got to express my anger

    and feel thru my feelings

    and even really really see that even saying “i feel extremely angry’ when it seems completely disproportionate

    or ‘i feel furious’

    no matter how i think its gonna drive the person away

    is WAAAAY better than stuffing and making my side of my head dead and all the way across my womb to my ovary


    i dont want to stuff

    ive been unstuffing 4 hours!

  112.  #112Daria on January 26, 2013 at 3:44 am

    he got me roses

    i expressed myself without attacking

    i felt so close to telling him i dont want to see him anymore

    i didn’t threaten

    i was so on point

    he bought me roses

    i used my visualization of if i were to die in a year, id want to be practicing and enjoying lots of sexual pleasure and great sex!

    all the time!

    and i have committed to that!

    and …

    im like well spending time with this man is not actually That great, my main focus is great sex and thats not here

    and that felt so perspective in that moment … even tho i feel unsatisfied with it written above

    and i told him ” i like spending time with you. and lately ive been feeling like my time is taken for granted. and i know about myself that i feel that way sometimes doing stuff last minute. so it wd feel way better from now on to do stuff planned ahead a few days”

    ohhhh i felt So good to have said it!



    i was saying out loud, if only i had known how wonderful and soothing this feels – imagining that of course now we’d always plan ahead – i wouldve been doing this for months!

    and now, he Still asked to see me tomorrow during the day – we have a pre planned activity at nite

    i feel flattered lol

    i feel curious about enforcing my boundary

    i dont want to not kick it tomorrow if im free and wantitng to kick it

    yet the RELIEF of tension in my BODY and THOUGHTS i felt when in the car i imagined having those kinda plans… well

    it was new to me!

    im used to this buzzy alert last minute tension

    oh it didnt feel boring

    it felt EXPANSIVE

    i really want to try that

    i feel so good hangingout spontaneously last minute

    and i REALLY REALLY want to try the planning ahead way and not making dates last minute


    for example today on friday nite we were in hte car

    and he was mostly asleep.

    that’s something i usually get triggered by. today no, and it happend more than ever

    yet i knew i wanted more

    some of the scaffold of relationship is in place.

    consistency, romance.

    some of it, the in between the scaffold doesnt feel so good

    like i dont feel heard or listened to

    and i often feel triggered hearing judgements, blame, complaints, or self focused feelings (where i feel not given to, or focused on)

    the communication is great. i often feel understood honored and respected.

    i do feel excellent about myself

    i want more

    more connection, more attention

    i deserve more

    and i want to give it to me by giving me that RELIEF i felt

    i want my life to feel like THAT

    w 3 times as much space to do MORE of what i want !

    mmmmmm 🙂

    i want to honor that boundary, and i want to have fun tomorrow

    i feel worried 🙁




    i love my guilt!

    i feel glad i got roses!

    i found how to use expressing i feel extremely angry, to connect more!

    at the end he said he had felt like a jerk and thats why he was quiet and he is sorry and he really does care about me

    hmmm 🙂

    he got the roses on his own early

    i feel so … good with myself

    i felt crazy! furious. crazy

    and i took care of myself so well

    and discovered a pattern

    and have a prepared script now

    so much better than stuffing

    i feel extremelly angry

  113.  #113Daria on January 26, 2013 at 3:51 am

    Thank you Indigo. I adore being called wise. That feels so honoring to my desires of what I want to receive.

    Thank you thank you thank you

  114.  #114Indigo on January 26, 2013 at 4:05 am

    Daria 🙂

    So glad 🙂

  115.  #115BeLoved on January 26, 2013 at 6:16 am


    You are bumping into my judgments about ‘using’ sugar and mj to ‘soothe’ !!!
    Thank you!

    Yesterday I was grieving and grieving and grieving and struggling and struggling with my imagination
    I felt SO riled up, I was shaking all over so I got in my car to drive out to the woods to walk it off.
    I stopped and got a biscuit, hash browns and a Dr. Pepper.
    I started feeling better really quickly, then noticed some thoughts and feelings…
    GRATITUDE…Wow, my body is so wise! It knew exactly what to get and how to calm down
    (but I wanted to feel those feelings! I wanted to be agitated!)
    My body is so wise! How amazing! Fast food = endorphins, I needed some endorphins!
    (but I was on my way to the woods and walking was going to give me endorphins!!)
    I feel so amazed and grateful and wow, how the heck did my body know exactly what to do?
    I feel soothed and comfortable and relaxed again! Is this really allowed????

    So, ultimately I did go for a long hike,
    and I could see a little more clearly how my judgments about needing to be soothed, being soothed, and using food to do it have been feeding a shame cycle.

    Reading your post..I’m feeling wowed, like…
    is it allowed? Is it really okay to have a little sugar to soothe my nervous system? Isn’t breast milk primarily sugar? Is that what my body is seeking?

    Ultimately, I can see also that I don’t have to figure it out…it’s going to work itself out.

    The more I really sink into my feelings and take care of them, the more everything else aligns.

    It’s like what Elsie said before, at first I used FM’s because I wanted them to “work”, then after enough practice I see they are for me.

    Yesterday I was feeling agitated, so first thing I did was take extra time and leave for lunch to be alone, and also because my feeling agitated brings the guys down because they feel helpless, which doesn’t do anything to make me feel better, haha so I left.

    Later when I was talking to E at work, I said, “I’m feeling agitated” and immediately knew what to do, so I spun on my heel, went down the hall and recruited someone else to communicate to E what I needed. I didn’t make it E’s responsibility to make me feel better, or myself wrong for feeling the way I felt…I didn’t really think at all. I just sank in to my feelings and I knew the right thing to do.

    Kind of like that movie “Limitless” 😀

  116.  #116Smile on January 26, 2013 at 6:45 am

    I feel on cloud 9. I love having a ‘MAN’ taking care of me in this way 🙂

  117.  #117Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 7:51 am

    “Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential.”

    ― Winston Churchill

  118.  #118Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 7:55 am

    I feel inspired by this:-

    Remember: Desire is the unexpressed possibility within you, seeking expression outside of you.

  119.  #119Lori on January 26, 2013 at 7:57 am

    Good morning ladies. Had a great girls night last night. We went through a bottle of vodka and lots and lots of giggling and talking. It was all fun but apparently I sent him a text that we were intoxicated. He called, which I barely remember. He then sent me a text saying he wished he was with us. He was working, as usual. He called this morning too for a minute.

    I will be spending the day recovering from last night. lol. Then I have a date tomorrow. 🙂

  120.  #120Memulo on January 26, 2013 at 7:57 am

    I feel so screwed up. My cd really likes me and he is more and more into me every day. I miss smartcd and feel terrible for not having enough experience and not realizing how to handle him right. I feel that I missed something I really wanted and now have to take whatever’s left. Im meeting someone else tomorrow for the first time and feel that I’m doing to my cd what smartcd did to me – back stabbing

  121.  #121Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:07 am

    “If forgiveness seemed impossible, the Qigong master instructed, “Then just pretend to forgive them.” So Chunyi did.
    “I imagined inviting each person to stand before me and telling them, ‘At this moment, I just pretend I love and forgive you.’ I repeated it over and over. ‘I pretend I love and forgive you.’ Later on there was a gigantic opening in my heart. The long forgotten love, kindness, and forgiveness came flooding back to me. It was a great warmth, like a current of energy, starting from my heart and washing like a river down my back and over my knees.”
    When the workshop ended that evening, Chunyi stood up with a sudden realization. “A miracle had happened! My knee pain was almost gone. I ran and jumped about the soccer field like a kid—I was so happy. My arthritis was healed, my bone spurs in my back and neck were gone, and my suicidal depression went away. All the people I had hated before, I now loved from my heart. Now I live in peace and joy every day, every minute.”
    Forgiveness is love in action. Forgiveness allows you to release anger, the number one cause of serious energy blockages that can lead to all sorts of illness and disease. “Just from a selfish perspective, you are the one to benefit,” Chunyi says.
    And when you forgive someone, you give that person a chance to become a better person. “Your blessing is powerful. At the universal level, it is not between you and another person; it is between you and your god. At the universal level, everything is energy. We are all equal. That is why forgiveness is so powerful.”
    On a larger scale, forgiveness brings more joy to your community. As Chunyi likes to say, “You become a ‘love radiator.’ You carry this healing love energy in your heart wherever you go, and because of you, other people feel better.”
    When you assess your own life, do you find anger or resentment within? Are you willing and able to open your heart and extend forgiveness to others? If not now, then follow the master’s advice—just pretend—and experience how the warmth of love fills your being!”

  122.  #122Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Lori have you considered deleting his number

  123.  #123Smile on January 26, 2013 at 8:09 am

    I have been practising making myself not as available during the day by putting my phone upstairs whilst I’m looking after me. I’m feeling great having less attachment to my phone. I felt an instant relaxation in my body. Its stopped me from ‘waiting’ for any human contact. I’m 2 weeks into this and loving it.

  124.  #124Lori on January 26, 2013 at 8:10 am

    HI FW, no but I have considered locking my cell away when I’m out with the girls. I generally don’t contact him. He contacts me.

  125.  #125Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:12 am

    I have deleted numbers and if I were you I would delete his number to take away that drunken temptation

  126.  #126Smile on January 26, 2013 at 8:14 am

    FW 121
    Smile, smiles 🙂 Remembering times when this was the best thing I did with strummingman.

  127.  #127Lori on January 26, 2013 at 8:15 am

    That seems so difficult to do.

  128.  #128Smile on January 26, 2013 at 8:15 am

    I’m feeling sooo laid back I am practically horizontal today 🙂

  129.  #129Lori on January 26, 2013 at 8:18 am

    @ Smile. I’m laid back but it’s because I’m recovering. lol.

    Smile, FW, should I delete his number? Just feels difficult. It feels so definite, like I’m closing a door. Scary feeling.

  130.  #130MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 8:34 am

    Lori, maybe write his number down in something you won’t throw away, but also don’t carry around with you & then delete his number from your phone. That way you still have it but it’s not so accessible.

  131.  #131Lori on January 26, 2013 at 8:37 am

    I think that sounds like a good idea. It would remove any temptation for me to ping him. I’ve done pretty well but reaching out when I’m out with the girls is not one of my best ideas.

  132.  #132Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:37 am

    RE 128 Sink into those feelings. See what your beliefs are deep down and what you are telling yourself. Maybe you believe he is your one and only hope for a truly fulfilling relationship? Maybe a lack mentality that is blocking true love? Maybe you believe you are not good enough or deserve true love at a deep level?

    It IS just a number. Pls you say he always calls.

  133.  #133Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Throwing it away could symbolize letting go. Releasing of the chasing energy.

  134.  #134Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:40 am

    Maybe even practice writing it on different pieces of paper and slowly easing your mind into doing this by ripping, burning, throwing away different ones at different times. Just slowly letting yourself out of your attachment prison.

  135.  #135Lori on January 26, 2013 at 8:41 am

    I just deleted his contact numbers from my phone. Wow, that feels really weird. Yes, he does call.

  136.  #136BeLoved on January 26, 2013 at 8:54 am

    I’m feeling a little sick and shaky
    Seeing my own predator aspect and owning it.
    Obsessing over a man really does feel like emotional rape to him, but he doesn’t know what’s going on.
    We feel it when a man obsesses over us, too, and for me, finally grokking that it feels like love because it feels FAMILY-iar.
    There were no boundaries allowed in my home…
    it hurts like h3ll and feels shameful as h3ll when I bump into someone’s healthy boundaries and realize I’m in perpetrator energy…
    it’s out of sheer ignorance, I didn’t know any better and
    I want to stop.
    I don’t want to emotionally or psychologically rape others anymore. I will stop doing this.
    I don’t want to be raped or feel raped in any way shape, form or fashion anymore. I will stop allowing this.
    I understand these patterns were formed innocently, in the process of individuation as sovereign and autonomous beings, and
    I recognize now they are harmful to me, my soul, and to others.
    I forgive my ignorance and others’
    I don’t want to feel shameful, dirty, used, ruptured, filthy, foul, unlovable, tainted, damaged goods, repulsive or disgusting and toxic anymore.
    I choose to be strong, in harmony and in integrity with my Divine nature.
    I don’t know what to do from here,
    I turn it over to G0d,
    I invite G0d to fill the hole and choose to attract lovers and friends for the right reasons.
    And so it is.

  137.  #137Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Yayyy Lori 🙂

    Sink into your feelings congratulate and love yourself. See what bubbles up

  138.  #138Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 8:59 am

  139.  #139Lori on January 26, 2013 at 9:00 am

    lol Thanks FW. I’ve been laying here trying to figure out how I feel about it. I feel a little sad but yet I feel some relief. I can’t just ping him now when I think of him.

    I don’t know why I was scared, it’s not like he can’t still call me.

  140.  #140MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 9:01 am

    I agree with you on the symbolism of letting go FeminineWoman.

  141.  #141MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 9:02 am

    Lori, I’m joining you in the effort. I’m also deleting my exs number from my phone. 🙂

  142.  #142Lori on January 26, 2013 at 9:03 am

    Thanks Magic. Out of curiosity, I wonder if he felt my energy change when I deleted his number.

  143.  #143MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 9:13 am

    Whooo!! That felt like something I’ve needed to do for a while. I just felt a rush of Spring air in my very core.

  144.  #144Smile on January 26, 2013 at 9:21 am

    Lori, what a great opportunity to practising receiving rather than giving 🙂

  145.  #145Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 9:21 am

    I would assume so Lori. Keep practicing slowly letting him go. He might feel the lightness, the freedom and want to come back. You never know. Just believe that if it is meant to be whatever you let go will come back.

  146.  #146Lori on January 26, 2013 at 9:26 am

    It is! I do feel lighter, the pressure is off me too.

    I do believe he will be back FW. Last night he texted me saying he wished he could be here with us.

    Frankly, I didn’t get to excited as it’s just words, no action.

  147.  #147Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 9:30 am

    So it’s not a matter of watching him go off somewhere when he withdraws – it’s not about LETTING him go, it’s about letting go of something – anything – that’s moving away from you, so you can go in your OWN direction – so you can keep doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.
    And what happens when you do that? All of a sudden a man turns around and has to be with you. All of a sudden you completely lose that aura of clinginess and desperation – and you look CONFIDENT – and that changes everything.
    So – I want you to imagine that at this moment, your holding onto a man – his shirt, his leg, his shoulders, his thoughts, his hair, his eyes.
    Now – just Open Your Hands. Let go. Now turn around. Focus on something else in front of you.
    Every time you even think about a man who’s not right in front of you or on the phone with you, try this Tool for starters – just Open Your Hands, and let me know what happens…
    Love, Rori

  148.  #148Lori on January 26, 2013 at 9:46 am

    I love the analogy of letting go. I feel like deleting his numbers from my phone was liberating. Now I am going to focus on other things, me especially.

  149.  #149Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 9:47 am

    Let’s try a simple Tool today to help: UNFOLD YOURSELF –
    1. Imagine that you’re a piece of paper.
    2. Imagine that you’ve allowed a man, or many men, over time, to crumple you up.
    3. Imagine that you’re all crumpled up in a ball, all stiff and wrinkled and sitting in the middle of an empty room on a cement floor.
    4. Imagine a breeze blows, and it rolls you across the floor.
    5. Imagine how all that feels.
    Let your senses kick in – notice how it feels to be folded up, with your head down, feeling like ANYTHING could blow you across the floor – a breeze, or a man blowing on you.
    6. Imagine a man blowing on you and sending you across the room.
    What does that feel like?
    If you can – write down how it feels, using “Feeling Messages” (my ebook explains how to start using Feeling Messages, and then Modern Siren demonstrates how it works with a man).
    Are you getting MAD yet?
    I sure am!
    Who wouldn’t be angry, crumpled into a ball and blown around the floor by a man?!
    And yet – that’s what so many of us allow to happen.
    I remember allowing what I can see now as the most humiliating things to happen – and at the time I thought I was being “honest,” or “nice,” or “understanding,” or “loving.”
    But I was just crumpled up in a ball, getting blown around.
    So – let’s DO something about it!
    7. Stop rolling. Sit up in your chair and stop rolling. If you’re thoughts and feelings are going to a particular man, or to a yearning for ANY man – stop that thought and feeling from rolling, just for a moment, and bring it back, into your body.
    Bring it DOWN, inside your body.
    Let it roll around inside YOU.
    8. Now – UNCRUMPLE yourself. UNFOLD yourself.
    Move your arms out to the sides.
    Move your arms backwards a bit, and feel the weight of them in the middle of your back.
    Feel how you’re supporting yourself sitting up.
    Unfold ALL of you – just imagine your energy field opening up – spread your legs, move your hips, stand up, shake yourself out.
    Doesn’t that feel better?
    9. Keep track of when you’re crumpling yourself up.
    Anytime you’re pining after a man, and working hard to resist calling him or reaching out to him somehow – see if you feel crumpled up inside.
    And then – Unfold yourself. Be dramatic. Stretch yourself out. Breathe.
    First, you won’t be calling and reaching out to him, you’ll be unfolding yourself and finding your bearings again.
    You’ll have a moment to breathe and a second to do something for YOU – something that feels GOOD – and that has nothing to do with HIM – or ANY man.
    Second – he’ll feel you unfolding.
    He’ll feel you from across the table at dinner, or across the room at a party, or across town on the phone, or perhaps even across the country, late at night, when you choose to unfold yourself, turn your attention AWAY from HIM, and turn it where it belongs – on yourself.
    Try Unfolding Yourself the next time you talk to ANY man – check out if this particular man makes you fold up and crumple inside, or if you feel like a beautiful, unfolded, soft, waving-in the-wind piece of gossamer paper that has treasures written all over it.
    I KNOW you’re BOOKS FULL of treasures – Let me know what you discover about the men around you and the new way they relate to you when YOU know what a treasure trove you are.
    Love, Rori

  150.  #150Smile on January 26, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Yum yum yum I’m rolling in my yum feelings for me 🙂

  151.  #151Lori on January 26, 2013 at 9:52 am

    Wow! That actually works. It’s like I could feel it start in my center and flow into my legs, my arms.

  152.  #152BeLoved on January 26, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Learning to respect the masculine feels so challenging and thrilling and fulfilling and frustrating all at the same time!

    Yesterday a couple of guys were talking work stuff, about how to handle something with a supervisor. I got involved in the conversation and MID-sentence, I got it…
    this is Men’s Business.
    I used my super-awesome “spin on my heel and walk away” tool and left the room.

    I did something similar earlier…then called to say to my friend, “my bad, that was abrupt”. He was bewildered why I would feel weird or bad, he didn’t think anything of it.
    I can see now how T conditioned me to feel horrible every time I walked away and would manipulate me into coming back and stay entangled in the web of pain.

    I’m feeling strong and powerful!
    and still feeling a lot of stuff about other things, too.
    Heading back out to the woods to walk it off and if I’m lucky I’ll be alone and can primal scream in nature.
    Just in case, I’m bringing a pillow so I can scream in my car if necessary.

  153.  #153ALA on January 26, 2013 at 10:26 am

    Practicing FM’s with Pl*mmer CD was noticing how it’s getting easier for me to do! I think he liked it too as I observed his reactions while I experimented. It felt easier perhaps because it didn’t matter with him. I felt light and silly and free. I also noticed that it’s feeling more natural to express them while I’m out and about in the world.

    New CD that I haven’t met yet, I have mixed feelings about. On one hand it feels exciting that we have more in common with each other than other people we both have ‘met’ online. It’s pretty unusual to meet someone within that specific demographic/tribe. We both feel smiley about that. On the other hand, I’m feeling judgmental about him for several reasons, he lives farther away than I would like and he’s separated, working on divorce.

    My judgements seem to be because I am still wanting D. Hmmm, after I sent the email his vibe changed, wasn’t online at all flirting with that other woman. He knows he f’d up, and even tried to apologize. Just words, I know. At this point I want actions. I feel bad about making it be so final that it’s over. I feel like it could be good between us if I told him what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship with him. I’m having trouble coming up with FM’s about this. Sinking into my feelings… I’m all over the place.

    There’s so much more I need to say here, but My client is here now, I need to get to work. I’ll check back later to see what/if the Sirens have anything to say about this.

  154.  #154Lori on January 26, 2013 at 10:41 am

    ALA, isn’t it fun seeing how the FMs work? Men do like it. It’s been a great learning experience. I feel more in touch with myself since practicing them.

    FW, Smile, Magic, I actually feel okay about deleting his number. I feel like I’ve shut the door on my energy being directed towards him. I don’t “feel” him. I don’t know if this is because I have shut the door or if it’s because he’s pulled away. Doesn’t matter anyway I guess.

  155.  #155Liquid Light on January 26, 2013 at 11:11 am

    @ Rebecca 108,

    It sounds to me like you are very good at what you do, and you are not happy in your current job. Perhaps its time to look for another job?

    I know I’ve had many miserable job situations. I’m finally in a really good one and that largely has to do with the fact that I mostly work from home (and can stay out of the office politics) and because they value what I do. Also, for me anyway, I’m putting less emphasis on work (which has never really satisfied me on a creative level) and more emphasis on my art to get creative satisfaction.

    So when my designs get totally watered down and are not implemented correctly etc etc, I shrug my shoulders and know that my main creative outlet is elsewhere. I don’t know if this is at all relevant to your situation, Rebecca, but I do know that its important to not hate your job, especially if you have a lot to offer and aren’t being valued and appreciated for it.

  156.  #156R.N.AmazingMe on January 26, 2013 at 11:26 am

    Just venting…gosh I have to let it out just to rest right now…Pill popper??!!! Yes been in pain for a few months have had trouble taking pills before so I see where you get trhat. I am sorry I never knew you even needed them like that I didn’t think you did. I guess as you said not for me to decide. I was wrong..I am tired..tired of being beaten down everytime I feel ok about my life. Nothing is ever good enough for you ever. I work my butt off to help wth bills and chemo and support kids. Try to spend tim and try to clean. I am not spending enough time with myu kids!!! Seriously I am so sick of it, I am not superwoman dang it and I thought I was balancing ok. Then you make me doubt everything I am and do. It is not good enough, I am not a good mom, I don’t clean enough, I need to work more and finance my money better. There is always something, it will never be enough and I am so sick and tired of being tired of this. I am tired of being in pain I will take care of it and have the surgery. I am so tired of living my life like this. If I was social and going out you would say I go out too much!! Spend more time at home. So we get to this point where I just feel done and over all of it. I just wanna say whatever….because if I am darned if I do and darned if I dont! Truth hurts yes I take pills to help me through pains. I used to take them when I didnt need them but yes freely I admit I would rather pop a pill and feel a lil better than smoke weed or drink alcohol. It helps ease my pains physically and mentally makes me feel less anxious and helps me slow down a little. I am all over the place sometimes and i am on myself always pushing to do better and I get so mad at her. I just feel so much anger and resentment towards her. I am wrong for what I have done..I am sorry…when all the other stuff comes into play I would like you to see the good instead of the negativity. After awhile it wears on someone…Thanks for letting me vent sirens this is me signing out going to sleep.

  157.  #157Mercedes on January 26, 2013 at 11:27 am

    “One of the saddest lines in the world is ‘Oh come now – be realistic.’ The best parts of this world were not fashioned by those who were realistic. They were fashioned by those who dared to look hard at their wishes and then gave them horses to ride.” – What Color is Your Parachute

    Much Love,

  158.  #158k2012 on January 26, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Hi ladies, its the weekend and I feel so tired. Every weekend I am suppose to go out and continue the search for a guy and I don’t feel like going out cause I am so tired. It was a stressful week. Wow, I look forward to reading some of your stories on here. So I haven’t met another cd yet cause I am too tired to go out and my job demands that I do some of my work from home cause I would never finish if I was to do everything from work. Anyway overseas cd wants a relationship and is planning to come to our country for a weekend. He has no problem with a long distance relationship with me. He told me that himself. I was surprised. I am going to ask him what are his expectations of a relationship? I don’t know if I want to tell him that I want to have other options, although I do. One thing I know is that I don’t want to be exclusive at this stage. But I am not sure how to move forward. I am asking for advice ladies on how I should move forward. Thanks.

  159.  #159Tereana on January 26, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Hmm…this post from Rori really has me thinking about when I am “warm” and when I become the Ice Queen and turn on the ice machine. To drive away a guy, basically.

    And I’ve been thinking about some other things, too. How I’m resistant to change – even changing the things in my life I KNOW will help me – maybe especially those things. I’m married to the status quo. Even though I want change – I crave it. It feels like “cheating.” I’ve committed to the things that aren’t helping me. But my sense of honor and loyalty outweighs even my sense of self-preservation, and prevents me from “leaving” that relationship. Interesting, because I never really looked at it that way before.

    And one other thing, too. I have a belief about men. Not that there aren’t any good ones there. Just that there aren’t any good ones FOR ME. That I only deserve the WORST. I deserve to be treated the worst. I deserve to be treated like a dog, or even worse than that. I deserve to be ignored, put down, and criticized. And I deserve these things because of me. It’s MY FAULT. I deserve bad things, and I am the one to blame.

    This is why I cringe anytime someone tries to tell me that my parents “love me.” I’m sure they do. But they’re overall style of “love” and the message that they sent to me, in words or otherwise is exactly what I have stated above.

    And if that sounds like “love” to you, then sure. But it makes me feel sick. And even today, that is how they treat me. And their friends and family defend them, and give them carte blanche

  160.  #160Tereana on January 26, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Carte blanche because they are my parents. That makes me feel sick and powerless.

  161.  #161Dominique on January 26, 2013 at 11:45 am

    k2012 – You don’t have to do anything. Let him DO. You simply BE. And you get the choose every step of the way if this is what you want.


  162.  #162Liquid Light on January 26, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Big hug RNAmazingMe…You are doing awesome!!!! I’m so impressed with everything you are doing and everything you have on your plate! Wow!

    try not to be so hard on yourself and try not to listen to the negativity from others…you are doing great!

    my ex used to put me down a lot, and make fun of me, but I think it was because he was threatened by me on a deeper level…maybe these people that are doing the same thing to you are jealous?


  163.  #163Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Lori it is his job to ensure that you feel him by him constantly sending his energy towards you. Now you get to feel yourself and to see what his capacity is. Before the energy bubble was skewed in the wrong way with you constantly sending energy towards him. Now you have an opportunity to practice staying open, being surprised and receiving what comes towards you.

  164.  #164Lori on January 26, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Thanks FW. I have not only deleted his numbers from my phone but also his texts to me. He and I both use GMAIL which enables us to see when we are online. He made it clear that he looks at my picture on it. I have changed his status (unbeknownst to him) to “do not show” so that I don’t see when he is on or not. I don’t want to nor do I need to. I’d rather not have the reminders. It will be easier for me to not think of him this way and to turn my energy from him. 🙂

  165.  #165Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Talking about respect, I used it a couple of times with my new male supervisor and I find he keeps referring back to respect. It almost always comes up in his conversation now. I am learning to use this as one of my magic words with men as it is one of those things that men unconsciously crave from women but rarely get. I am committed to using it as part of becoming an unforgettable woman. Respect and appreciation. These words will be in my vocabulary and actions daily.

  166.  #166Lori on January 26, 2013 at 11:55 am

    FW, I’m gathering that they don’t realize that they are directing their energy towards us?

  167.  #167Tereana on January 26, 2013 at 11:57 am

    I’ve known this for a long time, and yet I’ve been soft. I’ve been afraid of truly cutting them off, because there is so much social pressure around “respecting your parents.” it is taboo to say or do anything that might imply your parents didn’t “do their best” or undermine their authority in any way. But I think this mentality is flawed. A parent’s authority should not be an iron-clad fortress. It seems to me it should only extend as far as a parent is truly honoring and respecting their children as human beings worthy & deserving of respect.

    As long as I am continuing to “honor” them, I am choosing to accept their poisonous and damaging lessons & messages in my life. My unhealthy commitment is to THEM. And I need to lose that commitment in order to make a real change & start committing to myself.

    My parents are no longer my parents. They do not deserve that honor anymore. The job has been given over to people who are about me far and away more than they do – some who barely even know me.

    This temporary space can be in place for as long as it takes for me to love, honor & respect myself. And after that time, it’s possible that I can start to have a connection with them again. But only when I am secure in my life and what I need to do for MYSELF.

    This is true for me, starting today.

    And it’s the best for me.

    Thank you.

  168.  #168Lori on January 26, 2013 at 11:57 am

    FW 164, I completely agree. It’s something that I realize is important to a man. I have shown him respect by giving him the space and distance he needs. (except for my text last night, which I’ve now taken steps to remedy).

  169.  #169Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Yayy you Lori 🙂

    Now that energy can be used to slather love on yourself when your mind drift to wondering. You can even throw him a one second kiss or blessing then “now back to me”. Consciously choosing. Using this energy towards creativity and fulfilling your purpose on the planet.

    Remember b

  170.  #170Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 11:59 am



  171.  #171Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Lori don’t worry about what they do or don’t know. The bottom line is he knows how he likes to feel and is man enough to take care of himself. As such he will know where to go and what to do to figure out how to get those good feelings continuously flowing in his life. If that is connected with you in his mind, he will figure out what to do. Trust that he is smart.

  172.  #172Lori on January 26, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Thanks FW. 🙂

    I almost forgot. I’m taking off the necklace he gave me for Christmas. It’s a constant reminder because of it’s sentimental value.

    I have so much in my life that I’m grateful for, my kids, my friends (which now includes all of you), my work, a new business, outdoor activities and CDs. Notice, CDs are last??? lol

  173.  #173Lori on January 26, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    I wasn’t worried, just curious since we are so different. He is a very smart man and I do know he will figure it out when things slow down and he can focus on it. That he continues to reach out to me a couple of times a week, tells me that he doesn’t want to lose me. I’m starting to realize though, he may do just that. His loss, not mine.

  174.  #174ALA on January 26, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    The comments and follow-thru actions about everything Lori is doing feels helpful to me also. 🙂

  175.  #175Liquid Light on January 26, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    FW wrote:

    Using this energy towards creativity and fulfilling your purpose on the planet.

    Thanks, FW, love that…you’ve put into words exactly what I feel like I’m doing right now. Thank you!!! 🙂

  176.  #176Lori on January 26, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    I’m so glad ALA. I may have felt spun out at first but I’m gaining more knowledge and becoming more aware every day. I’m a very strong woman. Once I set my mind to something and I know I need to make a change, I do it. I know where I want to go. 🙂

    The ladies on here are wonderful women.

  177.  #177ALA on January 26, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Lori – you do sound very strong and determined. And you’re right about change.

    I need for things to change too. He dumped me. I just agreed with him that it was for the best. Now he realizes that it was a mistake, so I’m second guessing everything now.

  178.  #178Lori on January 26, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    Don’t second guess ALA. I’m guilty of that or of trying to figure out what they “really mean”. Just take your time, be open, make him work for you.

    If/when K decides to come around, he will have to work for me. I’m not going to be exclusive with anyone until I’m ready.

  179.  #179Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    Yeah let him see you without the necklace when he does see you. Let HIM wonder.

  180.  #180Rebecca on January 26, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    @154: Liquid Light

    Thank you for your response. It makes a lot of sense to me.

    I think it’s a case where I can’t see the wood for the trees.

    I feel very confused.

    I wonder what Rori would say?

    I guess if I feel confused that is a sign that things aren’t quite right.

    I want to tell them that I’m not up to the job.


  181.  #181Daria on January 26, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Reality is good. It’s the things I’ve been taught about it… Things people told me to believe… Judgements… That ate bad… Or they support my experience of reality

    Ie… sky is blue… ‘Blue’ helps support me to express wat I’m experiencing about the sky

    Language, judgements, hmm, thoughts

    My mind has grown

    I’m growing!

    Reality feels good thoughts Abt it can feel bad

    Experience feels good, thoughts Abt it can feel bad

    Experience of pain feels good… Hmmm

    Pain is triggered by thoughts about experience?


    Body experience ‘pain’ without thoughts ?

    Body dances by itself

    Body healed itself last nite

    Nature knows body knows

    Help I want to express



  182.  #182Daria on January 26, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    Thank you Rori for the life loves me tool. I’ve been practicing it for over 3 weeks now and it has changed me n grown my mind and physical body… Ir brain I could feel it changing and whole body is changing as I’m changing habits of behavior and also on its own w new habits not directed towards body change yet result in changes that heal me


    In really feeling good and happy in my life

    More than ever before

    I feel like I got the power in my life!!!!!!

    Life loves me !!!!

    I can differentiate between my thoughts and reality /experience… !

    I can ask q and let my body mind life and man??? I will try that — BE with the question w no effort on my part for answers….

    And that changes my feeling state to the answers to the question 🙂

    Like why am I feeling so good and expressing muself so well in this comment ?

    🙂 🙂 🙂

  183.  #183Daria on January 26, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    182: Daria says:

    Thank you Rori for the life loves me tool. I’ve been practicing it for over 3 weeks now and it has changed me n grown my mind and physical body… Ir brain I could feel it changing and whole body is changing as I’m changing habits of behavior and also on its own w new habits not directed towards body change yet result in changes that heal me


    In really feeling good and happy in my life

    More than ever before

    I feel like I got the power in my life!!!!!!

    Life loves me !!!!

    I can differentiate between my thoughts and reality /experience… !

    I can ask q and let my body mind life and man??? I will try that — BE with the question w no effort on my part for answers….

    And that changes my feeling state to the answers to the question

    Like why am I feeling so good and expressing muself so well in this comment ?

    Saturday, 26 January 2013 @ 2:31pm

  184.  #184Senior Lady Vibe on January 26, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Has anyone heard from Pamelala?

    Long ago she mentioned trying for the “Biggest Loser” TV show. There is a “Pam” on the new show and I was wondering if it was Pamelala. I like the Pam on the show.


  185.  #185Liquid Light on January 26, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Try to believe in yourself and follow your instincts. If something is a big struggle and makes you very unhappy, its probably not the right thing. Move towards the things, situations, people that make you feel good and it *will* fall into place. Trust yourself. 🙂

  186.  #186Lori on January 26, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    FW 178, ooh, I love the way you think FW. lol

  187.  #187Tam on January 26, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    I feel triggered.
    I seem to be attracting men that at first are very giving but then it seems to tail off rather dramatically. I am unsure as to why…as I don’t believe I am overfunctioning.
    I don’t know.
    MrP is in texting contact with me and it was fun for a while, until he asked for naked pictures of me…again yesterday. And I was really getting grumpy and asking ‘what’s in it for me’ – for which I had no satifying answer…and I realised ‘aha, there is zero in it for me’. So I just quickly typed out ‘It feels better to save those pictures for a man who is my boyfriend’. He sent back a smiley face.
    And then well, Curly. Here we have a masculine alpha male who started off very giving and sweet….and he still is giving and sweet. But also odd things are happening and it is because he is short of money…but he doesn’t seem to be short of money for his expensive weed smoking habit – so, hm. He lives a couple of streets down from me and asked me today if I can take the bus to meet him at his house to go somewhere because his car is so expensive with gas and he has a big money problem this week (he is actually owed a lot of money too, beside the point)…it triggered me a bit seeing that it takes him 10 minutes in the car and me an hours trip by bus….so I just cancelled..I was tired also.
    But we also had a breakfast thing going on. When he stays the night, I usually make us both breakfast. I don’t consider that as overfunctioning, as I am hungry in the morning and he is there, so no problem. He has also taken me out for breakfast a few times..but this has tailed off.
    I ran out of sugar (for coffee). I never add sugar to anything, so that is not something I routinely buy. In fact, I got this ages ago, for MrP, when he used to come around. So Curly acted all irritated ‘oh there is no more sugar, are you going to get some next time you go shopping?’ I felt odd hearing that and said ‘maybe but it’s not something that sticks in my memory since I never use it, so if you think of it it might be safer for you, to bring some’.
    And then he called me later to make this whole spiel about having bought sugar for my Condo.
    I was so tempted to be facetious and say: ‘while you’re at it, put coffee, eggs, bread and milk on the shopping list too for tomorrow’s breakfast’. But I didn’t. It really isn’t a big deal to make some scrambled eggs in the morning but the sugar thing made me resent that.
    So tonight I shall be sleeping alone, have a great night’s rest and eat my eggs by myself.
    I realise how mean this sounds, but the point is that I am also really struggling financially right now, and I get triggered by little things around money….
    and anyway. I guess I also feel entitled to have a guy who has his life and finances in order….and this is actually causing me a bit of internal grief, because he really is very attentive and lovely to me when we are together…but then that bus story today was pretty strange…almost like a test to see if he could get away with that.
    He wouldn’t have asked another woman he dated to do that…for sure…I went down in value in his eyes for some strange reason. I remember when we first met and I had to go on the bus, he asked me if he could take me home and how disgusting it is that NoCD (whom he thought I was dating) wasn’t taking me home but let me get the bus. I explained to him that we weren’t dating and NoCD wanted to stay longer and I’d rather go home.
    So now he is asking me to do the same…which would make him ‘disgusting’ in his own eyes?
    Well, I saved him from the shame and stayed at home..ha!! 😉
    But it is strange, and I don’t like how men try to get away with things….MrP, last year could not do enough for me – sports events, boating, dinners in and out – and now he is asking me for things.
    And Curly is going down the same route.
    Can’t help but think ‘am I doing something wrong?’

  188.  #188Lori on January 26, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    I’m so excited! We are launching our business in the next week or so. Just had a meeting with my partners. Lot’s of work but it’s awesome. It’s a book about grief and mourning. Fictional.

  189.  #189NewfMom on January 26, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Wow – I feel like I’ve just been hit over the head with an epiphany stick.

    P and I have spent last night and most of the day together, due to the ice storm and his helping me pack boxes to move. we’ve talked about a lot. I wasn’t completely consistent with feeling messages, but I did a lot. That revealed a new understanding.

    I now know why P wants to ask me about my dates. The actual reason isn’t important, but I feel foolish and stupid because of it. I also feel terrible about the damage he sustained in his marriage.

    I feel so terribly sad, because I believe that I am not the woman who can get into his heart. I may have come close, but I am almost certain that the deepest, most vulnerable part of his heart is forever closed off to me. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so.

    Maybe someday he will meet someone who can get in there and allow him to trust again.

    I feel so sad for him.

  190.  #190Mercedes on January 26, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    What a difference a few years can make in a relationship! Two or three years ago I was struggling with J offering to buy me a new car (we discussed it on here…Rori created a whole post about it) and ultimately I didn’t take her advice (or the advice of many of the followers) and I turned down his offer. I was concerned about my independence and him seeing me in a different light. I ended up buying the car of my dreams all by myself a few months (several months???) later and I felt and still feel really good about that and about my decision at the time.

    Fast forward to today. J and I had a discussion about my dream career and he’s ready to finance it (not ready today but ready in a few months when we find a location and create a business plan, etc). And I’m ready and excited about that! We haven’t done enough research to know if it is going to be a reality or not, but…the key here is…I’m open to receiving that!

    I don’t know what has changed (if anything), in the last few years. Is it because we continue to grow closer and closer to each other and share more and more things (we don’t share finances even though we live together so this would truly be his money)? Is it because I continue to trust more and more that we will last? Is it because a business feels more like “us” than my car would?

    I don’t know but I feel really really good about our discussions and I feel really, really good about allowing him to help make my dreams come true. 🙂

    I’m very happy today and I love him so much. I’ve heard that owning a business and building a house are two things that will either make a couple stronger or tear them apart. We are discussing doing both of these things this spring and I have no anxiety about them. I feel confident we can do one or both (or both at the same time) and will be just fine.

    I love that feeling…

    Much Love,

  191.  #191Lori on January 26, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    I’m so happy for you Mercedes!

  192.  #192BeLoved on January 26, 2013 at 4:14 pm


    What is the “life loves me” tool???

  193.  #193NewfMom on January 26, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    A lovely feeling, Mercedes! So happy and warm for you!

  194.  #194Mercedes on January 26, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    And I’m happy for you too Lori! Mine isn’t quite the reality yours is (a week or so?!?!) but it will come when the time is right. We have a lot of prep work and research that needs to be done first (and we need to make sure we’re not jumping into something we’re not ready for and most importantly, location, location, location…where do I want to open for business??? There are so many great places in Houston but…the RIGHT one is critical here…). But in any case, it’s very exciting for me personally to know that I have opened that part of my heart that was so afraid to receive something that I equate to independence (ie financing something for me). 🙂 That feels really, really good. And it feels like, although J wouldn’t be involved in the business at all, it will be something for *us* to share together.

    I’m very excited for you too and wish you all the best in the world with this new path on your journey!!!

    Much Love,

  195.  #195Mercedes on January 26, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    NewfMom…thank you so much! Yes…a very lovely feeling! 🙂

    Much Love,

  196.  #196April Rose on January 26, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    “I can feel when a man’s energy is not flowing to me and it feels rotten. Stepping back doesn’t seem like enough for me.”
    Not if he is still there.

    I feel the same. Still living with WM. He is in love with another woman. I am happy to use him for practice, but actually quite bored of living with him!!!

  197.  #197Lori on January 26, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Thanks Mercedes! Same to you. It is really exciting when it comes to fruition. It’s also really helping to focus on it and off K. I just realized that I haven’t thought about him all afternoon until now. When I did, it was a warm feeling and then took my focus away.

    It’s a great feeling when you realize how much you’ve grown. It seems that fear is generally at the root of our feelings.

  198.  #198MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    I deleted my exs number from my phone, & he later sent me a text telling me that he’s in the process of buying his own place. It’s almost finalized. One of the reasons I ended the relationship is due to him being 30 & still living at home. I’m not totally sure how to feel about this news. I stayed receptive & warm though. Ahhh…emotions.

  199.  #199Vi on January 26, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    Yay! Unfolding… : )

  200.  #200Lori on January 26, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    It sounds like he’s doing what he needs to do if he wants you in his life. That’s a great thing. I would just continue to lean back and observe. 🙂

  201.  #201April Rose on January 26, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    Happy New Year, by the way, to all sirens
    Sorry it’s late. I went to Oz! To meditate in a very warm temple 🙂

    thank you for your greetings, Femininewoman. I felt warm inside reading back just now and seeing your post with my name in it 🙂

  202.  #202Tereana on January 26, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    Ooh, I feel sad reading about “love-starved” women and what it drives them to do.

    In my case: I felt so love-starved, abandoned, alone and un-cared-for that I moved in with a man in a neighborhood that I knew to be dangerous. I believed the man when he said he loved me. And maybe he meant it. But probably not. Almost every other thing he either told me or implied about himself was untrue. And I was so thirsty for love that I drank it all up. until I saw the truth. And it wasn’t pretty….and luckily, I wasn’t so love-starved, or lacking in self-respect that I was going to stay in the situation.

    But I’m feeling pretty embarrassed that I got there in the first place… : (

  203.  #203Femininewoman on January 26, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    Welcome back April Rose 🙂
    I feel happy to see your name 🙂

  204.  #204Vi on January 26, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    I am a smart kid 🙂 hehe

  205.  #205Rori Raye on January 26, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Yayy Daria! I love that Tool, too – and I got the literal words “Life loves me” from Jacob Glass, who I adore. His “Cranky Angels” book is my favorite self-help book and Course In Miracles book so far.

  206.  #206ALA on January 26, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    I feel happy reading the blog tonight. Genuine feelings of happiness for everyone sharing their good news!!

    Tam – I understand how you feel, a little bit. I’m feeling a little jinxed and unlucky. And if I give in to D I wonder if that will give him the ok that it’s alright to treat me like sh*t. Even after he says that he wants things to be good between us, but then goes off and does something inconsiderate… every time! Is that what some guys think is being masculine?… trying to see what they can get away with?

    NewCD must’ve been feeling my energy today. He wrote to me after a couple days I haven’t answered his last email. I feel cringy and haven’t read it yet. I want to get deeper on this feeling before I read it, while I am living my fabulous life tonight. Hah! I will just be cleaning my shop, listening to tunes, alone. I have a health inspection coming up and I want it to sparkle!

  207.  #207Tam on January 26, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    Thank you ALA. I don’t know if the ‘trying to get away with things’ is actually a basic human trait sometimes, you know? Even some of my friends try to push boundaries sometimes. Hm,
    Urgh. Actually Curly called again to spill his guts. He is extremely upset with a few people, some of which owe him rent etc and has been a big factor in his money problems. He was ranting and raving. I tried to calm him but then he was raving at me and how I don’t understand. OMG – I feel bad for him but I don’t need the drama in my life.
    I am also having hard times and bad mouthing other people has never helped me move forward. He was even saying his best friend was rude and inconsiderate because he didn’t return a call within 15 mins.
    Pffffff. Poor guy. So emotional.
    But he’s got to deal with that.
    I am staying away from it. And getting drawn into his problems.
    Happy me for picking and choosing the good things and looking after myself!

  208.  #208MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    Lori, I am leaning back, but it feels a little frustrating for me. He told me (when were together) that us living together was always one of his goals for us. It’s a little hard to hear about this now. Him still living at home was a big issue.

  209.  #209Lori on January 26, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    Believe me MM 208, I do understand. K told me the day after Christmas that I was “wife material but that he needed to get some things in order first”. What does that imply? The next day he said he was crazy about me. He gave me a very meaningful Christmas gift. The next day, he told me he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. So yep, I totally get it.

  210.  #210k2012 on January 26, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Wow, I have finished reading most of the blog. I really look forward to coming here and learning from all of u. 160-Dominique, thanks so much for that advice. I am going to copy and paste it and email it to myself so I can remember. In a while, I will tell u some of the things he said. We are having a good interaction and he is interested for true. We are still talking on facebook only. No phonecalls yet. What’s going on here Dominique? I don’t want to ask him again as it seems like chasing. Soon tell u what he said this evening. Going to divert a bit. Mercedes and Lori, all the best in your new businesses. 129-Movingmagic, that advice u gave Lori was right on the money. Write down the numbers somewhere and delete them from your phone. I did just that with disappearing ex. I wrote down his 2 cell numbers in my notebook and then deleted his numbers from my phone. The only reason I did that is because just in case he called I would just check the numbers and once I saw that it was him, I wouldn’t answer.we’re. That was my plan. Afterwards,I realized that if he called, he would be using a calling card. So it wouldn’t show his phone numbers.177-Lori. “I am not going to be exclusive with anyone until I am ready.” Same here Lori. Me too. I agree. So K and u didn’t go backl together eh! He said he needed space nuh, is that what he said. It takes coirage to delete anything at all. Disappearing ex’s facebook profile was the last to go. A few. Days after he disappeared and I realized he wasn’t coming back. His entire profile on my phone which included profile pic, phone numbers and email were deleted. Pics on my phone including one of his pics that I used as my backgropund were gone in a flash. Yeah man.

  211.  #211MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    (Lori) hugs. I know there’s nothing I can do. I ended the relationship. I feel like he has some growing to do, but so do I. I’m learning how to really love myself, set boundaries, & honor all parts of me. I’m cding as well. Some days still feel like arghhhhh!

  212.  #212Lori on January 26, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    K2012 and MM, I get it. I really do. K2012, just let him keep coming to you. Sounds like you’re making progress. I know the wait is hard at times but that’s why our coaches tell us to take care of ourselves and CD. It takes our focus of the guys..

    It was hard to delete his numbers but it’s another way to divert my energy from him unless i want it to go to him. I have a date tonight and one tomorrow. hehehe!

    I do understand why he needs space, I’ve been there and get it. If I don’t give him space, I would drive him away. I also feel like that wouldn’t be respecting him or what he needs and wants.

  213.  #213k2012 on January 26, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    Yes Lori, I asked him what was his expectations of our relationship? and how do we define it? He said he had no expectations but the norm and we should take it one day at a time. He said he is old fashioned when it comes to relationship and thats the norm. But tomorrow i am going to ask him to expand. I am going to ask him old fashioned in terms of what? i am going to ask him to be specific. Well wish me blessings. I still have to circular date though until someone steps out and start talking marriage, even if we (whoever the guy is, whether overseas cd or someone else) are not engaged yet, as soon as someone steps out and their words match their actions, trust me is the day i will stop circular dating.

  214.  #214Heart on January 26, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    I feel relaxed….

  215.  #215Heart on January 26, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    Question – could u dl the ebook to mobile?

  216.  #216Heart on January 26, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    K2012 – If it was me, I would try to sink into my feelings I find out with emotions are motivating me…

    Sounds like your getting ready to interograte the guy hehe

  217.  #217Heart on January 26, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    and find out what…

  218.  #218k2012 on January 26, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    omg. It sounds that way Heart? oh no. Well if it sounds like interrogation, then i won’t ask him then cause the last thing i want to do is interrogate him. lol. What do u think?

  219.  #219Turquoise on January 26, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    Hi sirens. I didn’t end up seeing sweetheart today. He got caught up with some family stuff and them had his child. I felt good that I didn’t get drawn into his stress with his ex tonight. I did my own thing, took my girls to dinner and then had a fun evening at home with them. I took a long bath and feel nice and relaxed for bed.

    The stress he was going through tonight made me want to CD. To have somewhere else to shift my focus and attention when he doesn’t feel good to me. But I just shifted it to me and took care of a chore I’ve been putting off a long time. I totally forgot about him for awhile! Tomorrow I have a luncheon with friends. Not sure what the rest of my day will hold. 🙂

  220.  #220MovingMagic on January 26, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    I have cds coming out of the woodwork. I’ve been using the waterwheel tool, riffing in my journal, writing gratitude lists, & staying open/receptive. I had two invites from cds, but chose to come home instead of going out. I’m home with candles & incense burning…it’s beautiful! I’m staying in my feminine vibe with them, & myself. It feels scrumptious.

  221.  #221Heart on January 26, 2013 at 10:11 pm

    K2012 – I feel good to read your story. It has helped me gain some perspective Many of us here are in the same boat…Kind of wanting to know if our dating situation will lead to something more of not…
    but as Rori would say “it pays to be patient”.
    Be patient. Relax. Enjoy yourself.
    Don’t let the Fear win….because it’s fear and many anger fuelled by a sense of rejection that are Running us…
    Well running me …when I get huffy and feel like I Need to know where something is going…

    See deep down I feel a sense of rejection….I tell myself – He must not care if he is moving slowly. Maybe this is true or not but it helps to just say: I’m exploring why he showed up…I feel curious about what he’s here to teach me.
    I’m going to enjoy dating.

  222.  #222Heart on January 26, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    omg k2012---I just read earlier messages and realize you are talkinv about OverseasCD.

    K2012 – I fear you have fallen into an imaginary relationship!! You’re goin to ask a guy you’ve never met or never dated…where the relationship is going?


  223.  #223k2012 on January 26, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    “Be patient. Relax. Enjoy yourself.” ok. i hear u loud and clear Heart. Thanks for that. “He must not care if he is moving slowly. ” Maybe this is how i feel too, come to think of it. Cause when he told me he wanted a relationship, i was shocked. I said I didnt know u were interested cause you dont call. and he said, “of course I am interested, why would I spend so much time on here with you? so i think I will just be patient. Thats why we must all circular date as u said and take the focus off them. When we circular date, it gives us confidence right, which our men can feel? In other words, we feel relaxed and they can feel that too right? Should I tell him I am going to have other options? not sure about this but I would like to hear opinions. wondering if this might scare him away.

  224.  #224k2012 on January 26, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    Heart, i really wasnt going to ask him where is it going. No man, I wasnt going to ask him that at all. I have learnt since coming here that it is not wise to ask a guy that at all. Re read the posts above. He said something about him being old fashioned when it comes to relationships, and I was going to ask him to be more specific-what does he mean when he says he is old fashioned when it comes to relationships. but i have changed my mind as i mentioned earlier. I am not going to ask him. He is coming to visit one weekend so we will soon get to physically meet each other. He will make his plans and tell me the date. so I am looking forward to that.

  225.  #225Heart on January 26, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    K2012 – well I didnt mean to Circular date…I meant dating as in – Date him.

    I think Cding is good to practice Rori’s tools & keep in Fem energy..practice little things…like leaning back etc …even simple things like letting the Guy ask the host waitress for a table (instead of you doing it) can totally change the energy of a date….

    But I kinda have a problem with Cding right now….I feel like if I do it it might be coming from a Omg-I’m scared I’ll get hung up- I don’t trust myself kind of place. So im not Cding…I just want to go out with CudG for a bit. I feel bad to date other men….

    But I am still meeting new guys…going out & mingling with friends of friends and new ppl you meet at events..And chatting with guys….

    But I dont want to go out on any actual dates with them. Not yet…at least.

  226.  #226Heart on January 26, 2013 at 11:25 pm

    Tam – I’m wondering if things are traiing off with Curly because you have been stepping into Masculine energy…
    Alpha male or not….men can feel emasculated and then act more submissive. Maybe you should just reclaim your feminine space?

  227.  #227Smile on January 27, 2013 at 1:01 am

    Today is a good day! Big smiles from smile 

    I feel amazing in everyway!

  228.  #228k2012 on January 27, 2013 at 4:19 am

    Can someone explain Masculine energy and feminine energy for me? Thanks. Morning to u all.

  229.  #229Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 4:36 am

    FW, I showed my prior cd a lot of respect and appreciation. His ex-wife didn’t, she always put him down and he himself didn’t think he could work again -that’s how it felt to me. He even told me – you respect me and you like me, always in this order. As you know, it didn’t help me really!

  230.  #230Femininewoman on January 27, 2013 at 4:39 am

    “He said he had no expectations” – how can he, when all you have are words between you. The last time I heard these words I did not believe them but he actually showed me that he had no expectations by putting me on the back of his horse.

  231.  #231Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 4:41 am

    My cd says I’m exceptionally ‘sweet’ and ‘nice’. That scares me. I’m not as ‘nice’ to him as I used to be with prior cd, though I am polite and warm if course. I dont even know what makes me extra ‘nice’ in his eyes. He says I’m not demanding and I always discuss if I want things certain way, though I’m easy going and don’t sweat over small stuff. Funny, prior cd said these exact words. Again, that didn’t help when he wanted to lie and cheat and I just didn’t see it coming

  232.  #232Femininewoman on January 27, 2013 at 4:42 am

    I don’t know why it didn’t help with you Memulo but I know it does with a lot of people. Everything in context, I believe you were working overtime with that guym like being a supersized friend as well. He had problems and was working through a divorce. I am sure he was focussed on his stress and maybe even feeling an urge to enjoy his freedom and spread his wild oats.

  233.  #233Femininewoman on January 27, 2013 at 4:47 am

    Memumlo – and I just didn’t see it coming

    I would ask myself if this is really true. Many times you said he disappeared. He really never incorporated you into his life. How many of his friends and family did you know? The last big celebration time he did not invite you and basically disappear on you. How many times did he have you wondering, spiralling into second-guessing yourself. All those times he might have been dating someone else too. These are times to really pay attention to yourself because your gut is talking to you. You say you were in love with him but this does not paint of picture of love. Love is easy.

  234.  #234Femininewoman on January 27, 2013 at 4:52 am

    Creating a balance between masculine and feminine energies is crucial to creating a sexy, intimate relationship. Without this key, your relationship might become a good friendship — but a friendship without fire and romantic intimacy.

    The feminine role, whether played by the man or the woman in the relationship, is expressive, experiential, sensual. The feminine aspect says “I feel.” The masculine energy is assertive, makes decisions, acts, and says “I think.”
    If you choose to be the girl in the relationship, and begin to treat your partner with respect (specific advice for this in the next web update,) in a very short time he will catch on. Unless he is incapable of it (and now’s your chance to find out) he will take up the slack. He will start behaving like the man you want him to be. He’ll take out the garbage because he wants to make you happy. He’ll start to see you as a goddess and treat you accordingly. His decisions will take your feelings into consideration. All without your ever having to ask.

    A love relationship is a covenant. An agreement by both parties to give up independence for inter-dependence. Both parties agree to the level of intimacy they want in the relationship. Is it to be friends, is it to be lovers, is it to be antagonists?

  235.  #235Tam on January 27, 2013 at 5:39 am

    Hey Heart..maybe..I just don’t know what I have done to get into masculine energy…it feels like he just gets familiar…..dunno.

  236.  #236Vi on January 27, 2013 at 6:04 am

    I feel more aware of what’s happening with me when I’m maling eye contact. I get into victim mode and think ‘please like me’ and wait for the judgement or a sign that would give me a clue to his or her judgement. And fear of rejection starts to come up and I feel panick and move my eyes away. Sigh. It feels so good to know myself more and more and choose to look at myself through my own eyes not anyone else’s, as it feels way safer.

  237.  #237Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 6:54 am

    Evening Sirens


    So, the 6 month break from D has begun. We have mutual friends and I have decided I’m going to avoid social gatherings with these friends during this time.

    I feel good. I can’t explain it… I just do. I feel warm and soft, and romantic somehow. I feel strong.

    The goodbye yesterday couldn’t have gone better. We spent a lovely few hours together and then when I decided to take my leave, he put his arms around me, kissed me, and said we would re-evaluate in 6 months. When I got home I immediately had the strength to do this, and I used that energy right away to beging doing lovely things for myself and give myself lots of fun and enjoyment.

    I am glad. I am glad I am respecting him.

  238.  #238Heart on January 27, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Indigo..goodluck…I hope u found some fun new men to date…

    Tam….hmm it just sounds like your very dominant in the relationship.

  239.  #239CurvySiren10 on January 27, 2013 at 7:24 am

    233- Great post FW. I was nodding with you on this. I do think Memulo (sorry to refer in the third person Memulo!) “saw it coming”. Smartcd was a continual source of confusion and frustration during their entire dating relationship. There were so many flags. And so much indication that he couldn’t be invested the way needed for a real relationship. Going through a nasty divorce, custody issues…very emotionally consuming.

    Indigo, I am amazed and impressed by your grace. Not sure I could have done what you did but I am SO glad that you’re okay and ready for this break. Hugs!!

  240.  #240Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 7:31 am

    Heart, thank you so much 🙂 I actually went straight out for a dinner and drinks date last night with a CD who had re-emerged and wanted to get together.


    Thank you very much, that made me feel warm and boosted reading that 🙂 It is an act of love on my part. For him, and myself. And healing.


  241.  #241April Rose on January 27, 2013 at 7:42 am

    I just changed my online profile to mention how much I enjoy thinking about sex.
    I’ll be interested to see if it ups the response!!!

  242.  #242MovingMagic on January 27, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Learning to respect the masculine has become easier, & easier. I want to be around masculine men. I want to be a woman who feels the masculine coming from him. I enjoy leaning back, & feeling my feelings. I love the sway of my hips as I saunter down the sidewalk. I love my warrior-goddess spirit…I love that she only shows up in dance, creative projects, in healing, & at work now. She no longer shows up in intimate relationships. I LOVE that!

  243.  #243BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 8:28 am

    I totally can’t do “no drama”. So I created Dream Theater playshops so get my drama on in a big way that brings value to others.
    Plus I pick and choose…a little drama with my niece, who I adore, or one of my best friends, who has stood the test of time and it’s the exception and not the norm and who I can trust…yes.

    Drama with my casual friend, who disappeared when I was feeling attached to her and her daughter and hung up on me and tried to press the reset button and casually re-appear months later via text? No, thank you. I realized I have no rules around this, I know there are people who I don’t mind if they come and go, and there are people I do mind and so I just quit trying to be ‘fair’ and ‘reasonable’ and decided I can trust myself and stop communicating with the ones that feel bad and I feel drained by.

    Oh, there it is..that’s the difference – some people have drama and it feels good and fun and generative, some people I feel totally drained and exhausted by. It’s challenging, because I was looking around going, “well, nobody else has the same reaction to this person, they have a gazillion friends, what’s wrong with me? I need to fix this…” and make myself crazy.

    This is where using the FM’s is soooo important!
    Some people push my abandonment buttons and instead of trying to ‘fix’ my abandonment issues, I just notice who pushes those buttons and who doesn’t and am naturally more attracted to the ones who don’t.

    This was a HARD pill to swallow with C, in learning respect. He’s said a few times how he feels scared about all of those feelings I open up in him.

    Me…I used to throw myself at men who opened up those feelings in me…and ended up feeling used up and tossed in a dirty back alley. C had the NERVE to be cautious and protect himself and trust his instincts about who was safe to open all of those feelings with!! It was not pretty to see all of the ugly that came out inside of me feeling like he was keeping love from me, and wrong for protecting himself, and the bliefs that came up around, if we feel this way then that means we should be together, and if he doesn’t feel safe opening up then something is Bad Wrong with me (and…why should he trust me? I went shady as f*ck to try to get his love, stepping outside my values and screwing around with him AFTER I learned he had a gf, saying a married man was a dealbreaker and then ignoring that he’s STILL married AND has a gf…what’s to trust about that???!! )

    So today I give my drama queen a little more care and CD a Wal-mart again or something, and get an online profile up. Because feeling committed to an imaginary relationship gets the drama stirred up like a hornet’s nest…I know this I know this I know this and I will take action to change this today.

  244.  #244April Rose on January 27, 2013 at 8:41 am


    I feel fascinated by all you are expressing. I’m really enjoying your clarity and honesty.

  245.  #245April Rose on January 27, 2013 at 8:44 am


    Your words are right on time for me. I keep feeling sh*t because I feel trapped in a situation with a feminine man.
    Your words about masculine men and your ease of respecting them gives me an uplifting feeling. I feel encouraged and hopeful. I want a close relationship with a masculine man.

  246.  #246MovingMagic on January 27, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Beloved, you’re rock’n it. 🙂

  247.  #247Lori on January 27, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Wow Indigo 237, you handled that so well. That’s what K suggested was that he felt he needed 6 months to get himself back on track and figure out what he wants. Okay. So, we respect them and show that we respect them by accepting their wishes, even if we don’t like it. Take care of you. I am, boy am I ever. lol! I had a date with guy friend last night and today I’m meeting a new CD for coffee and maybe a movie.

    It’s been easier for me to remove K’s numbers from my phone and I took off the necklace he gave me.

  248.  #248MovingMagic on January 27, 2013 at 8:57 am

    April Rose, I looooove masculine men. It’s taken me a while to figure it out. Feminine men feel draining to me. Rori would say to go into a super feminine energy when dealing with them. Out girl them by leaning back, pampering yourself, feeling your environment/feelings & expressing them in feeling messages.

  249.  #249Elsie on January 27, 2013 at 8:58 am

    Ok – HUGE HUGE update.

    When we last left off I was leaning back. And gaining some of my power back last Friday. He must have felt it. He texted me a bit on Friday night and I was not too eager to text back. I went to bed even though I could have kept texting.

    Guess what. He asked me out for a movie on Sat. Now, given our situations which many of you know – thats a huge deal for us to be in public given our delicate situations. But I was free because I was having dinner with a friend (which I did NOT cancel) yay! and then we went to a movie and then he came over afterwards and we had dinner.

    He said that he had missed me and missed feeling close to me. He said I looked beautiful and that it felt nice to just spend time withe me – it was SO nice going to a movie – it has been so long since I’ve done that.

    Here’s the part I shouldn’t have done and I feel a bit like Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movies debating myself LOL.

    He has given me a back massage before and had it be JUST that. Well, I took him up on his offer and we ended up messing around a lot. Part of me is happy that I did it – because….well, wow. He is freakin’ hot and I love him. But part of me is like….IDIOT!!!! You had him in a good place where he was leaning forward and you should have just ended the evening leaving him wanting a bit more and being a bit inaccessible, etc.

    So I”m torn. On one hand I’m still basking in how awesome it was to snuggle and kiss and make out and *ahem* whatever. 🙂 But on the other hand I wish maybe I hadnt.

    He was so sweet – and I know he loves me. But I need to continue to lean back.

    He may come over tonight to fix my daughters shower, which is soooo sweet too.

    I just dont like that sometimes he checks out. I think maybe he does it because he needs time alone – or maybe he is testing me to see if I freak out during those times (guys do that.)

    I dont know – time will tell.

    But I wanted to give you all an update that I had one of the most amazing days ever yesterday and I know its because I leaned back.

    Just that NV makes me angry that I caved in to sexual tension at the last….

    …..but have I mentioned how hot he is? 🙂 LOL.


  250.  #250Lori on January 27, 2013 at 9:01 am

    248, me too! I love Masculine men!

  251.  #251Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 9:03 am

    Yes you’re right and still I thought he was so honest and decent, I only started seriously thinking he might have been dating other people after he disappeared. When I complained he ‘disappeared’ while we were still together it was for 1-2 days at most. He just called the last minute always, but he did. I thought it was his personality (and it was), his problems, his health, etc. He kept on saying – I need peace and love. I thought I should give him that plus some time to get back on his feet. Would I do it again with anyone putting them first before my needs? NEVER.
    You are right that love is easy and with my cd I see that. He went out with me both Fri and Sat nights, when he stays over he makes me feel that he has all the time in the world for me. Last night he showed up with a huge buquet

  252.  #252BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 9:06 am

    April Rose and Moving Magic…thank you thank you!!!

    I’ve been hugely influenced by Gay and Katie Hendricks, who teach something along the lines of ‘drama and conflict in relationships is misused creative energy’ 😀

    I still feel like a little kid afraid to let go of Mama’s skirt hem…so I take little steps back and forth and make it a dance, knowing it’s not forever.

  253.  #253Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 9:06 am

    k2012 – 210 – I don’t know what’s going on with him, yet I do know that you need to stick to your boundaries. Tell him you feel weary/tired/bored of messaging only. You would love to hear his voice or better yet meeting face to face. And you keep saying this until he steps up, or he doesn’t


  254.  #254Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 9:07 am

    Oh hit the button too soon. Anyway – huge bouquet of white roses. And when he was leaving he asked if he can see me for dinner in mid-week. But – there are guys that like to push your boundaries and get away with whatever they can. They don’t change, they’re like this with every woman. I didn’t expect the prior cd to be this type because of the way he constantly declared his honesty and decency with respect to his ex, but he was and has always been. If I responded appropriately instead of feeling sorry for him my story could be very different.

  255.  #255Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 9:14 am

    Thanks Lori 🙂

    I felt inspired by your story too, and about how you took off the necklace that he gave you symbolically. D gave me a ring as an anniversary present when we were together, a white gold band with 14 tiny diamonds and a Tanzanite stone (a rare blue stone which comes from Tanzania). I adore it and I wear it every day (D knows that I do). And today, I went to a cocktails breakfast at a friend’s house, D was there (he was sweet to me) and I didn’t wear it. He may not have noticed, but I noticed the difference in how I felt, and it was right in that moment.

  256.  #256Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 9:16 am


    It is also interesting to me that your K also wanted a 6 month break. It makes me think, is this a special amount of time in boy time? It could be that this is a blink of an eye to them.

  257.  #257Lori on January 27, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Indigo, what a beautiful ring. I bet he did notice, if not right then, he may have realized it later. I felt like I was breaking away and taking my energy back. I don’t know about you but the necklace felt like something to me. Not even sure how to describe it. Since we aren’t in a relationship, I don’t feel right wearing it. If/when we see each other, he will notice I’m not wearing it.

  258.  #258Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Seriously, 6-month breaks? It gives them enough time to sleep around, explore their options while having you waiting on a shelf. I have no other explanation, sorry!

  259.  #259Lori on January 27, 2013 at 9:21 am

    Indigo, from what I’ve learned from Dominique, time is different for men that women. K is in sports and works 16 hour days during the season. He won’t get a break till at least April so that means he won’t have time to work on himself or even think about anything personally until then. When we talked, he said that in six months, if we both wanted to, we could see each other again.

  260.  #260April Rose on January 27, 2013 at 9:22 am

    I changed my profile, I mentioned I like sex, and I receivedd five replies in an hour.
    Previously it was two replies in a week!!!!!!

  261.  #261MovingMagic on January 27, 2013 at 9:22 am

    Indigo, I feel like men process their emotions differently. It took my ex about 6 months to work through some of the issues between us. He tried to come back into my life at about that mark.
    I would say honor his wishes, but don’t put your life on hold. 🙂

  262.  #262Lori on January 27, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Memulo, lol! I totally laughed at your comment. Heck no am I on a shelf. I would only be on a shelf if I put myself there. I’m CDing, hanging out with my kids, my friends, hiking, playing, working. I’m working on me. Reading everything that Rori and Dominque put out and learning from all the posts. 🙂

  263.  #263Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 9:33 am

    Elsie – 249 – There are no “shoulds”. There really aren’t any right or wrong ways to do things. It was was it was. You felt good. This is what’s important. I think the night was brilliant. SO ENJOY this, ENJOY the memory.


  264.  #264Lori on January 27, 2013 at 9:33 am

    I agree MM. I think they compartmentalize better than we do. I know K is able to completely focus on work and pushes out anything else. He told me one time that his focus on work had nothing to do with how he feels about me.

    Men need to know and feel respected. If we chase them, then we aren’t giving them what they want nor are we respecting them.

  265.  #265Lori on January 27, 2013 at 9:37 am

    I found myself rolling my shoulders inwards this morning so I’m practicing the unfolding. It’s amazing how this works.

    I’m laughing now and thinking about how grateful I am for the many blessings in my life.

    Ohhh, and did I mention that I have a FWB now? I’ve known him for a while. I do not want to sleep with the CDs but still need intimacy. hehehe!

  266.  #266Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 9:38 am

    Memulo – 258 – Sorry, yet this is an unfair assumption to make. Assuming something negative doesn’t serve you at all, and this is what’s important after all. How YOU feel. Your assumption feels bad. Assuming something better feeling not only feels better, it’s more likely to align with what really is as well.


  267.  #267Starbright on January 27, 2013 at 9:52 am


    And rather than it really being about Smartcd, it could be liking the feeling of chasing or longing more than the feelings of a guy who is really there and is no challenge.

  268.  #268Femininewoman on January 27, 2013 at 9:53 am

    Memulo that “complain” is something I would look at. No one really likes complaining. Also is that the way you want to see yourself?

  269.  #269Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Memulo 258

    I’m afraid I agree with Dominique. There is no reason to assume he will do that, I have no reason not to take him at his word. But that aside, I am going to make this time about ME, not him.

    I don’t see myself as on a shelf – quite the opposite actually. I plan to use this time to just withdraw my energy and absolutely DRENCH my life in enjoyable things and things I love. And heal myself. When I think of it this way, it’s a wonderful thing, though I know it will be hard at times.

  270.  #270Lori on January 27, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Indigo 269. Woohoo! Yeah baby! That’s EXACTLY how I feel and will do. We can do it together. 🙂

    Frankly, I’m having a blast and I’m absolutely loving the new feelings that I have. My friends are noticing, CDs are coming out of the woodwork. The difference is that now, a man is not a priority for me. K isn’t even a priority. He comes last. It used to be that when he would call, I would get off the phone with a friend, drop what I was doing. Now, he goes to voicemail and I call him back when I get a minute.

  271.  #271Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Moving Magic 261

    I agree with you. I think they process their emotions and “stuff” and decisions differently, and this is why it’s been a little hard for me, but I choose to respect what he’s asked for, as you say.

    I plan to use this time to not think about him or direct any energy towards him as much as I can, and treat myself like an ABSOLUTE goddess 🙂

  272.  #272Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 10:01 am


    Interesting that your ex was 6 months too, very interesting…

  273.  #273Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 10:05 am

    Lori, YAY! *high five* 😀

    I am loving it too. Loving the good feelings that I’m getting to experience when I do something lovely or fun for myself, loving the confidence and the strength.

  274.  #274Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 10:09 am

    Lori 257

    It wasn’t until I read about you taking the necklace off that I thought the ring I wear every day could hold tremendous energy. And it felt good to experiment with taking it off. Like you did, it felt like reclaiming the energy.

    It is beautiful, and I love it so, I will wear it again when the energy feels right to do so, and see how that feels.

  275.  #275Femininewoman on January 27, 2013 at 10:12 am

    Indigo – you go girl. 🙂

  276.  #276Lori on January 27, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Exactly Indigo. It felt scary but it ended up being liberating. Like I had taken a deep breath.

    High Five right back at ya!

    You know what’s so great is that this isn’t about them, it’s about us. Before, it was “what do I do and how do I do it to get him back”. Now, it’s what do I do and how do I do it for ME”. Wow, wow, wow.

  277.  #277ALA on January 27, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Was reading an old thread last night and the topic had turned to LOA… love it when synchronicity happens! I want to change my vibe and negativity that I’ve been attracting. Got some good rec’s for a couple of books I can use my kindle gift cards on.

    NewCD isn’t really asking any specific q’s. He says that he wants to know more about me. I don’t like feeling so shy when I first meet a person. I love my shyness.

  278.  #278Tam on January 27, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Hm, really Heart? I am leaning so far back that he has ‘accused’ me of not making plans with him…that’s not dominant…I leam back so far that I sometimes worry about falling off an edge. And it comes naturally because I am not bothered if I see him/socialise with him or not.
    But yes, I have don’t wants. Like boundaries, basically. If that comes across as dominant, well, I have to dominate my own life….why would I want someone else to?
    I am done with trying to control another person, for sure…

  279.  #279Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Thank you Feminine Woman 🙂 Xx

  280.  #280Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 11:09 am

    Yeah, Lori 276.

    You are so right. You can really feel the difference, can’t you? Doing something for someone else because your energy is always reaching out to them, versus owning your feelings and enjoying being this amazing, self-contained person.

  281.  #281Lori on January 27, 2013 at 11:24 am

    Indeed Indigo. I’ve always had a hard time doing things for myself because I thought I was being selfish. I put everyone else first. Now, I’m putting me first. It feels wonderful. I’m glad I’m learning while I’m young enough to enjoy the rest of my life. 🙂

  282.  #283MovingMagic on January 27, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    I was just doing an affirmation on feeling supported & loved. Just as I was thinking those thoughts, I got 4 texts from 3 different people all at once. I thought my phone was having a spasm. Hahaha! Thank you universe. 🙂

  283.  #284ALA on January 27, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Thought this might be of interest to some of you:

    Create Magic In Your Bedroom and Business!

    I really like Baljit Rayat, she has a grounded, peaceful vibe.

    … was just going thru some old emails and wanted to share. 🙂

  284.  #285BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    I’m feeling more rage….gggggrrrrrr!!!!!

    Waves are surging every now and then.
    I will refrain from going into a story about it for the moment.

    At the same time, I feel so gooood! I bought myself the exact rose arrangement I wanted for my birthday. Blood-red roses, stems cut short, in a fishbowl vase full of rose petals and a red ribbon around the neck of the vase. Nothing else, no baby’s breath or any other kind of filler, just a lush arrangement of ridiculously red roses. It’s in the fridge and I’ll take it to work with me.

    Last night another imaginary friend showed up (lol) and cuddled with me who highly resembles my friend L, who is gay gay gay gay gay, totally magical, and has a good, strong character. He and the other imaginary boyfriend were hashing it out a little bit, I decided to send them off and let them work it out (don’t play like y’all don’t have constant conversations with the voices in yer heads! Some of mine just happen to be well-developed characters!)

    It felt SOOO good to be alone.

    I dreamed that I got off of a bus with my grandmother and another woman, and was holding them up because they were so weak and falling over. I called for help, people came and took the other woman who I didn’t know, and suddenly my grandmother became a strong, beautiful young black woman (my dreams are FILLED with black people, I don’t know why) and she walked off. I felt as if a HUGE burden had been lifted off my shoulders.

    My grandmother infantilized EVERYONE. I don’t think she was always that way, I think marriage did it to her and made her weak and dependent. Before she got married, she was lively and had an unusual and interesting life…then she became a housewife. She was like an infant herself, for as long as I knew her.

    This dream shows me I don’t have to carry the burden of her feelings or her weakness anymore, I’ve reached some point in my life where the feelings have transformed, and what has nothing to do with me that I used to feel obligated to, are being handled in other ways and not my f*cking problem.

    I feel amazed and am cracking up because I just never ever ever never ever ever ever NEVER want to EVER see C or T EVER again (Thank you, Taylor Swift!). I never thought I’d feel that way about them and wow…I can’t say or think it enough!
    It was like I would never allow myself to even THINK such a thing, and now that I do, I’m totally in love with the thought and it is totally working for me.

  285.  #286Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    Lori, Indigo, I apologize, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings. Maybe after I was the ‘understanding’ part of a relationship my defense system goes on high alert once I hear a request like this. I ask myself a question – will this make me happy? Is this what I want? Plus in my case apparently when my guy said he ‘fell asleep’ or was ‘very sick’ to see me it did mean that he was dating others

  286.  #287Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    My cd called that he wants to fix a scratch on my wall that came out after my move. Wow I didn’t even mention it to him

  287.  #288Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Starbright, thank you, I thought about it and it’s not that I love the chase and being ignored;) but at the same time my gfriend called today and she said – you know, his life is so strange. Almost everything about him and his life is just so strange. and I realized that it’s true. I felt shocked almost all the time. I kept on waiting for a more ‘normal’ period of his life. Maybe it did happen without me, but it certainly didn’t while we were together

  288.  #289Mercedes on January 27, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    BeLoved: “I’m feeling more rage….gggggrrrrrr!!!!!

    Waves are surging every now and then.”

    I hope the waves have calmed by now and you are feeling peace in your heart again…

    Much Love,

  289.  #290k2012 on January 27, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    “If we chase them, then we aren’t giving them what they want nor are we respecting them.” True true Lori. We all need to remember that. I can see u are enjoying yourself, Lori. FWB! Wow. Enjoy yourself. U are doing great. Glad u are not moping. Thanks Feminine Woman for that explanation of masculine and feminine energy. I need to read it again. 253-Dominique, he is planning to come and spend a weekend with me in our country. I will leave it to him to say when and then see if that time is convenient to me. I don’t know want to take over the planning cause as Rori said in a newsletter, we women tend to act as the “social director of the relationship. Based on what she said it turns off men cause it would appear as if we are chasing them. So he is planning to come and spend a weekend with me Dominique.

  290.  #291Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    k2012 – And I think this is fabulous. He is stepping up, so let’s see how much. You me dear are being brilliant. This is all his deal to take care of, tend to. Keep being your relaxed, open, curious, goddessy self.


  291.  #292BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 3:22 pm


    It was just a wave!!
    It was receding by the time I finished the post. A friend came over and we hung out for a while and I was all mellowed out.
    Not feeling thrilled about going to work tomorrow but I won’t focus on that now and in the morning I’ll put on my big girl panties and deal.

  292.  #293Liquid Light on January 27, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I’m so awesome…I am GOING FOR IT!!! Despite my broken heart, I am living large and going for my dreams. It feels SO GOOD! I’m surprising myself by how much I’m putting myself and my work OUT THERE! I haven’t had this much belief in MYSELF and what I’M DOING in such a long time. And it FEELS GREAT!!!! Big pat on my back! You go, girl!!! So happy that there is someone as awesome as me in my life!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! Big smiles, world, and to all you ladies out there!!!!! LIFE IS GRAND INDEED!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂


  293.  #294sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    I just saw the Christian Carter interview in Rori’s Commitment Blueprint video..he and she both say how important it is to express your feelings and concerns, as long as its coming from a good place, a place of connection and trust, an opportunity for closeness. I agree completely…but when I close my eyes and imagine myself coming from this place when Im bothered and upset I feel that creepy voice saying ” if you tell him your upset but in such a nice way, he’ll get away with it again, and he’ll do it again”
    “Hell think your easy to apologize to because your hardly mad, hell think your a sucker” “hell think your an idiot because he was able to get away with it since you wont even defend yourself”

    As I write these things i feel afraid. Its as if I cant trust. I have this feeling that a man is never looking for my best interest, and that bonding is an illusion all so that I will be further manipulated, further sucked in, and eventually hurt for his best interests. I feel angry.

  294.  #295sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    I wish i could heal from this but Ive been to therapy so much and even though its helpful to a certain extent, my fears are all just there. Bringing them up in therapy allowed me to let them out however they also just become louder in my thoughts. I dont want them to become more powerful, I want them to be less powerful. I hope to be able to trust a guy so that I can have this healthy communication Rori and christian talk about but I feel stuck and confused. What if I dont defend myself when done wrong, will that mean that I am naive to this predator?
    saying that a guy is a predator makes me feel dramatic

  295.  #296MovingMagic on January 27, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    I have a tea date tonight. He & I went on a date a few weeks ago, just as I was getting sick. We talked a bit afterwards, but then I just let it go. I got a text from him last night, & we’re getting together tonight. I like tea dates. They feel calm & connected to me. I’ve noticed I have a tendency to step away from feeling messages with this cd. Tonight, I want to lean back & go into super feminine mode.

  296.  #297Elsie on January 27, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    ok … for those of you that have been following my story…. And DOMINIQUE – thank you for your reassuring words….

    ….but I’m worried I leaned too far forward by making out and doing more with him yesterday. We definitely went far, and I think I should have stopped it sooner, and kept my position of power in myself.

    I had such a wonderful time and he said such wonderful things to me at the movie and at dinner, and it was all so sweet. And then I feel like I shouldnt have done it. Ugh.

    Nasty voice creeping in.

    There is a chance he would come over tonight to help with my daughters shower, but I havent heard from him ALL DAY.

    Ugh. I hate hate hate that.

    I hate that I want that. And now I had power in myself and now I feel needy again.

    Ugh. Stupid Oxytocin.


  297.  #298Heart on January 27, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    Tam – I know you back learning back and he’s making all the moves…

    But when your talking about Curly….you seem hard….I wonder if your being a juicy feeling feminine creature when you’re talking him?
    All this is about communicating in a way to have the relationship you want. Not so?

    Anyway I was just trying to help ….not make you feel bad.

  298.  #299Annie on January 27, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    “I feel that creepy voice saying ” if you tell him your upset but in such a nice way, he’ll get away with it again, and he’ll do it again”
    “Hell think your easy to apologize to because your hardly mad, hell think your a sucker” “hell think your an idiot because he was able to get away with it since you wont even defend yourself”

    What do you mean in a nice way I feel confused?

    As I write these things i feel afraid. Its as if I cant trust. I have this feeling that a man is never looking for my best interest, and that bonding is an illusion all so that I will be further manipulated, further sucked in, and eventually hurt for his best interests. I feel angry.”

    I totally get where you are coming from.
    The expressing of feeling upset is the first part of healing.
    Nothing changes if we only express this and don’t take the loving action in our own higher best interest for ourselves of processing the feeling of being upset and then taking appropriate action for ourselves of taking 100% responsibility and care of our feelings of being upset.

    I want to give you an example.
    Say I was upset because a man who had taken me out on a date started flirting with other women in front of me whilst he was out on a date with me.
    The first part would be to express I felt upset., feel it right down to the core.
    The second part would be to say I don’t want to tolerate being upset.
    The third part would be to go inwards shut everything else out, connect with your core and soul, higher intelligence, process and and see if this behavior was a deal breaker for me or not.
    For a woman with high self esteem I believe this would be a deal breaker and they would not want a man who had taken them out on a date to be flirting with other women in front of them.
    So would trust their higher intelligence, feel and accept the pain over having no control over what another person chooses to do and how they behave.
    State that, it doesn’t feel good to be taken out and have the man who is taking them out flirt with other women in front of them and that you don;t think you are compatible if this is something he wants to do and ask him what he thinks?
    The right man for you will pull you back in, show you with his actions if he wants to stop this behavior, it’s not enough you wanting him to stop. He has to want to and has to choose to do so and you have to walk if he doesn’t as he isn’t what you want. X

    Really is best to find this out before you get into a position where you have gotten yourself to invested and it is difficult to be able to walk away and move on.
    If you are already in that place where you are already invested as in married or living with him then it is a case of what little step are you able to do for yourself towards getting being able to move away and out of there step by step.
    And that is where Rori’s individual advice and tools can help you.

    Ate you able to see which one at this moment in time would be of most benefit to you?

    Or do you think asking Rori which one would be the best may help you?

  299.  #300Annie on January 27, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    295: sunshin says:

    I: wish i could heal from this but Ive been to therapy so much and even though its helpful to a certain extent, my fears are all just there. Bringing them up in therapy allowed me to let them out however they also just become louder in my thoughts. I dont want them to become more powerful, I want them to be less powerful. I hope to be able to trust a guy so that I can have this healthy communication Rori and christian talk about but I feel stuck and confused. What if I dont defend myself when done wrong, will that mean that I am naive to this predator?
    saying that a guy is a predator makes me feel dramatic”

    It’s about getting to a place where you are able to stand up for yourself rather than defend yourself.
    And trusting yourself to know a man who is toxic and harmful to you from good man for you.
    Reality is there are predatory toxic men out there yes, who are harmful.
    It’s about reconnecting to your higher intelligence, listening to your soul, red flags to know when to get away and RUNNNNNNNNN and get yourself out of there and away from the men who are like that.
    And to only choose the best man for you who has you best and higher interest at heart.
    When you have it, the right man will come along and want to claim you and also have your higher and best interest at heart.
    Until that time the rest are messengers and lessons to get you to that place.

  300.  #301Annie on January 27, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    The truth and the Journey in in there in us, not out there.

  301.  #302Annie on January 27, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    We all make mistakes, if you believe this was a mistake, it’s ok to make a mistake, we are not able to learn if we don’t.

    What would you want to do next time instead?
    As you will get another chance to do something different next time .
    Hugs X

  302.  #303Annie on January 27, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Elsie. I am reading a lot of emotionally beating yourself up here.

    And you have answered your own question of what to do next time.

    Stop sooner, if you are able to become aware when it is happening and then tale action and STOP!

  303.  #304Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    sunshine – 295 – I feel concerned that you are going right to men as predators, men doing you wrong. How about working to shift this to – all men are lovely, have your interests at heart, want to make you feel good, happy?

    We are all human, men too, and they make mistakes, do stupid things, say hurtful things, yet most of the time, most men are not doing so deliberately. Most men, most people are doing the very best they can in any given moment.


  304.  #305Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Elsie – 297 – “I had such a wonderful time and he said such wonderful things to me at the movie and at dinner, and it was all so sweet.”

    And this is what’s important. You enjoyed yourself. You had a good time. You FELT good. No enough with the analyzing and making yourself crazy with doubt. It was what it was, and it felt wonderful. End of story. Revel in this memory.


  305.  #306Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:01 pm


    “all men are lovely, have your interests at heart, want to make you feel good, happy?”

    Do you really believe all men are lovely at heart? What about men who rape, murder, beat women/ children, other men to a pulp?

    If you believe that then that is what you believe and respect your right to believe what you want. I do not share that belief though. And would have to agree to disagree with this belief.

  306.  #307Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Annie – I believe you attract what you believe.


  307.  #308Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    I feel in agreement we are all human, however some people behave and act in an inhumane way and do harm to others.

    It is what it is,

  308.  #309Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    I feel it best to agree to disagree with your belief Dominique.
    I do not believe all those babies/ children etc attract abuse and rape/ murder etc.

    But if you believe that I do not want to argue with your belief.
    I feel sick to my stomach.

  309.  #310Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    Have you read what I just wrote, Annie? I will repeat it – I believe you attract what you believe.

    I will not live my life in fear of what MAY happen. I will not live my life in fear that I MAY be attacked, raped, abused, or any other awful feeling act.

    I WILL NOT live my life in fear.

    And I will not advise anyone to live in this way.


  310.  #311Lori on January 27, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    Hi ladies, so I went on a date with a new CD this afternoon. Coffee and a movie. He was nice but a little too immature for me. He is younger but seems even younger than his age.

    One of the things I like so much about this blog is that we can tell our stories, express how we are feeling and receive feedback. Keeping things positive is huge when we are going through a hard time.

  311.  #312sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    Annie, thanks for your responses, Im copy pasting in my saved email drafts. what i get from it is to state my feelings and focus on them compared to him. Its tricky but Im willing to work on it. The good thing is no Im not in a relationship nor am I dating Im giving myself a reflection break. I have been listening and studying Rori for a long time. And you know what? I have been good at stating boundaries and expressing feelings, its just that I have been meeting a lot of toxic men and I have seen it clearer and break it off early. So if anything I have saved myself worse hardship but I guess I lost perspective, I started thinking maybe its me not them. I just have to stick to my guns. I am having trouble around feelings, boundaries because of my foggy childhood aroound these. Now that Im working on them I wonder if Im being dramatic or too harsh, or not harsh at all but I think its just practice. Ive weeded out toxic men and I shouldnt see it any other way, instead of blaming myself. Thanks for swaying me back to seeing the positivity of my process.

  312.  #313Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    Yes Dominique.

    I read it loud and clear.

    I feel it best to agree to disagree with your belief Dominique.
    I do not believe all those babies/ children etc attract abuse and rape/ murder etc.

    But if you believe that I do not want to argue with your belief.
    I feel sick to my stomach.

  313.  #314Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:16 pm


    ” just have to stick to my guns. I am having trouble around feelings, boundaries because of my foggy childhood aroound these. Now that Im working on them I wonder if Im being dramatic or too harsh, or not harsh at all but I think its just practice. Ive weeded out toxic men and I shouldnt see it any other way, instead of blaming myself. Thanks for swaying me back to seeing the positivity of my process.”

    You’re welcome. I wish you look with your continuing journey.

  314.  #315Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:16 pm


  315.  #316sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    Dominique I understand what your saying. To state and believe will attract those things to you both literally and more important perspectively. I sometimes think my struggle attracting a solid long term relationship boils to my confusion about my life in general. Im in a city pursuing my masters and my family lives somewhere else (parents, siblings, etc.) we are all a very close family and I miss them a lot. When I think about finding a great guy here in NY were Im at, I feel sad. will this mean Im here permanently? does this mean my life has separated from my loved ones for good? have i traded them in for a guy?
    I know these questions are so conclusive, but I just cant help it. I cant help thinking this and I end up not finding someone, or the least finding toxic short term guys. I feel like my romantic struggle is based on my struggle to know my next step in life whether to be loyal to my family or stay and pursue a future and more opportunity here in NY

  316.  #317sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    hmmm actually now that I think about it its more than just my location. I worry that if I find the love of my life, I will let go of my parents. If I let go, I cant help them anymore. I worry about them a lot, for so many reasons its a long list but I worry about their life, their desicions, and theyre radical beliefs. I worry about their health, stability, etc. and its hard to feel like I should find a family on my own. I’ll feel like I abandoned them. I feel sad and worried.

  317.  #318sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    i love my parents, and I feel like I will leave them and let go of my responsibility of them, if I find someone

  318.  #319sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    …the odd thing about it is that they’ve never said anything that implies this kind of pressure to feel like im responsible for them, but I cant help it I worry about them

  319.  #320Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    It feels best for me to live my life accepting the fact that some people commit heinous crimes and do inhumane acts and maybe harmful to me and my children and then put steps and loving actions in place to minimize coming into contact or protecting myseld and children from people who have chosen to be like that.

    The jimmy savilles, chris browns, hitlers, Ian bradys, Oj simpsons etc etc of this world and choose to trust my instinct and soul on who is ok to put my gut instinct /trust in who it is safe to be around rather than other peoples words of of he is a good person.

    Wonder how many people said and thought Jimmy saville was a good safe person for children to be around. MMM

  320.  #321BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 6:27 pm


    I feel a little queasy and surprised that a tantrika would hold this view about beliefs – it is radically different from the tantra I practice and am familiar with.

    It smacks of spiritual bypassing to me, and seems a little dismissive and disconnected from where Sunshine is coming from emotionally.

    “Spiritual Bypassing: A term first coined by author John Welwood. The spiritual bypass is the tendency to jump to spirit prematurely, usually in an effort to avoid various aspects of earthly reality (practical challenges, unresolved emotions and memories). The bypass has many symptoms- the starry-eyed bliss trip, radical detachment from one’s self-identifications, premature forgiveness, ungrounded behaviors, wish-full thinking etc.” ~Jeff Brown

  321.  #322Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    Always did get a bad vibe about Mr Saville and others like him.

    I trust my gut/ instinct more and more everyday of other peoples words.

  322.  #323Lori on January 27, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    I’m wondering if the CD kind of put me off because he tried to kiss me pretty quickly. I wasn’t too happy about it and gently pushed him away. Blech. He seemed a little hurt. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable kissing him on a first date. He seemed a little hurt which to me, showed his youth.

  323.  #324sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    Beloved, I feel so confused right now. yet I feel excited to talk about something that is such a trigger for me and thats spiritual bypassing. I came from a childhood whose beliefs were that anything that is bad, harmful, or even illnesses all actually dont exist. Once you affirm that strongly enough, it wont be a reality. For me, this felt bad. I felt confused, alone, and I felt like I was in my own bubble, where I must not be spiritual enough if I battled with believing they were true. Now, I dont agree with this belief. I feel like yes you attract certain things to you, and that positivity is powerful, but not to the extent of dismissing challenges in life.

  324.  #325Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:37 pm


    II believe as adults that some people we attract and are attracted to into our lives are here to help us heal if we have had childhood abuse and toxic parents and now have a faulty love imprint, confuse love with pain.

    Some things that happen to us, have NOTHING whatsoever to do with that law of attraction and are to do with natural circumstances beyond our control.
    All the jews who were in concentration camps during the war etc.
    People who are involved in natural disasters like earthquakes, hurricanes. flooding.


  325.  #326Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    I went to my date tonight and now feeling like a traitor. I remember FW once gave me an advice of changing my pattern in terms of always going for a serial monogamy. But my cd is falling for me. The date was actually good

  326.  #327Annie on January 27, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Sunshine. 324.

    I feel synchronized with you and share those beliefs.

  327.  #328sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    Annie I feel good to know you agree. I feel good stating my disagreement with stating bad things ‘dont” exist. I feel mad. i feel more confident to feel mad and to say I dont like this belief. I dontlike it!! I appreciate your response

  328.  #329Elsie on January 27, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    @Annie and Dominique –

    Thank you for commenting on my post.

    Just to let you know I got an awesome text from him saying that he couldnt make it to get that mechanical part for me because his daughter was very sick with a fever and he had to stay home with her. It was so nice that he texted me to let me know – and in the meantime I knew he was thinking of me all day and I just didnt know it.

    I did not invite him over for a movie or anything or give any ideas for him to come over for any other reason.

    I am working very hard not to Overmanage or overwork in this relationship.

    I feel good now.

    But I wish I had felt good without having the reassurance from him if that makes sense.


  329.  #330Dominique on January 27, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    Annie – I am not talking about this. I am talking you and women here and all the women I help and coach every day. I choose to assume the best in people. I choose not to assume the worst.

    BeLoved – I’m not sure to what you are referring.

    Right now I’m feeling challenged to express what’s in my heart, and I’m feeling very sad at the attacks and what seems to me a misreading of what I’m saying.

    I am here by invitation, and I work very hard to keep up with all of your stories and to offer my advice and wisdom gleaned over the years of my own challenges. That I am on a really good and healthy path is proven by the almost eleven year relationship I have with K which continues to deepen and become more beautiful every day.

    It takes a great deal to get to me. And yes someone here has.

    Goodnight lovely goddesses.



  330.  #331Tam on January 27, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Heart, oh no, I did not feel bad, you just made me think which is a good thing – and I was just contemplating, really.
    And maybe you are right. I am harsh these days with Curly and that comes from knowing that I ‘have him’. I know the guy would never leave me whatever I did, or said, or however I behaved. For some reason that seems to give me carte blanche.
    I feel guilty for that to a certain extent
    But it;s not just that. It’s also that he is a very temperamental, emotional man. He is having problems managing his life…and treads a fine line with the law. This in itself does feel bad to me and it also means I don’t feel I am able to show him as much respect as I would like to show to a man.
    He seems out of control sometimes, and he keeps himself in control with me so far – but I wonder.
    Tonight he upset me a great deal but I was also totally unsireny and totally masculine.
    It was a build-up. We can into a guy he vaguely knew and they were talking and talking and talking. I started to feel ignored and bored. Suddenly the convo switched to something which I know intimately, as it is my profession. Neither of them knew the topic and made wild suggestions – based on that famous bs you hear/see on sensational TV.
    So finally, I butted in with two sentences..a kind of ‘beg to differ’….upon which the other guy belittled me and made fun of me.
    I go upset and argued my case with my profession and having worked in the field and so on. But both being men in their 60’s, they weren’t ‘told’ by this young, shy woman. And then Curly apologized for me. As if I was out of order.
    Now, there had been a lot of ‘not so nice’ conversation before from him, which triggered me…but after his friend made fun of me and said ‘ah, what do you know, you know nothing’…and I argued my case pretty well..with the guy getting wound up and Curly apologising for me…well. I lost it. I said loudly but calmly ‘so your friend here is making fun of me and you are apologising for me as if I am out of order. Screw that!’ and I stomped off.
    It felt great to stomp off and I had been debating it for some time prior, as I was hungry and they had talked for an hour, we had missed the happy hour we were supposedly going to and all that.
    Curly then followed me in the car because he was worried about me going home alone..he tried to fetch me several times, even at one time blocking my way, him and the dog and the car (very comical). I just gave him the hand and said that I had rarely ever felt so humiliated and that I just wanted him to go away.
    He finally left.
    Now he is sending me apologetic texts.
    I don’t even care.
    I feel pissed.
    Most of all I feel pissed that this brought back memories of MrP, who always harped on to his friends about my intelligence and couldn’t praise me enough. In fact, he always maintained that I was far more intelligent than him (I am not at all, he is cleverer). My opinion to him was like that of an authority, he was always seeking it and finding it interesting. He loved to verbally spar with me, in fact we still do it now sometimes…we are on a par. And I felt so respected and intellectually understood.
    And today I just felt like a stupid little child that had to be silenced when the big boys speak.
    And I still have something ringing in my ear when mrP chastised one of his friends to better listen to me because I know my stuff…haha. Cute.
    Yeah, my heart is not free but most importantly..I do know what feels good and what feels bad.
    I want to feel good.

  331.  #332Lori on January 27, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    Dominique 330, I have to say that I’m saddened over some of these posts. Please try not to allow it to bring you down. You give so much to all of us and are much appreciated and loved. You, FW, Rori, and others have helped me through a lot the last few weeks. I know it would have been more difficult without all of you to lift me up.

    Let’s try to keep it positive ladies. We aren’t always going to agree with each other and that’s okay. But, we come here for support and help during a trying time of our lives. It should be a safe place.

  332.  #333k2012 on January 27, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    291-Dominique, thanks for your compliments. I am learning a lot from you, Rori and all of u lovely ladies on this blog.

  333.  #334Tam on January 27, 2013 at 7:04 pm


    You do a great job on here and on your website…and it is a very valuable point of view you have to offer, on seeing the positive, and believing in the positive. I, for one, have never done enough of this with regards to men – and I am really trying to practice this, which is not always easy for me. Often, I rant and rave on here..and then realise that I am being unfair sometimes…this place has offered me a safe haven to freak out and stay sane in my life!! I guess we often also struggle because men are so very different from us and our first impulse is perhaps to jump to negative conclusions….

    Though I kind of see Annies point regarding the law of attraction, and being a childhood victim of abuse myself, I do have a sore spot there….but I would assume that we are all in agreement that law of attraction does just does not come into play in some situations of life, i e kids with cancer/abuse…or genocide or whatever else.

  334.  #335sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 7:06 pm

    Dominique, I appreciate your kind words and also your helpful thoughts. I understand seeing good and attracting it. I hope I was being clear on that. I was just saying I dont like to believe that when a negative conflict occurs, or an encounter with a malicious person/act, that its actually not true. Hope Im making the distinction…onward with positivity and appreciation. I appreciate everyone tonight and the attention to my concerns. I love the blog

  335.  #336BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    Dominique –

    I feel deep in my heart and grounded in my root typing this –
    Perhaps the work then is for you to see what beliefs you have that are attracting this into your experience?

    Forget what I said about the tantrika bit, I forget tantra is something very different to most people than what I practice. I feel annoyed with myself for making assumptions.

  336.  #337Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    I feel that I got hurt by smartcd and now I am hurting other people who care about me. I actually liked the guy. He just texted me asking how I made it home

  337.  #338BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 7:15 pm


    Sunshine I really like how clear you are.
    You are helping me sort out my thoughts, thank you!

  338.  #339Annie on January 27, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    Dominique, I feel respectful of your right to choose to believe what you like.

    ““all men are lovely, have your interests at heart, want to make you feel good, happy?”

    And like I said more than once I will agree to disagree with your belief although I respect your right to have it and believe what you like. that ““all men are lovely, have your interests at heart, want to make you feel good, happy?” as I do not share it and that belief makes me feel sick to the core.
    My soul/higher self does not feel good about it.
    I trust in my soul and higher self above all else.
    I want to above all else be true to thine self.

    It is what it is.

  339.  #340BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    I feel hung up on being right about something
    I’m feeling and acting defensively
    in my solar plexus
    i see
    I just did to Dominique what my attacker did to me.
    “you are responsible for your experience”
    “you are attracting this”
    wrong wrong wrong wrong
    do i think i’m wrong somewhere?
    ooooohhh, whatever this is, it’s not wanting to let go.
    more shame, oh good.
    it’s slippery, i’m going to have to lie down for this one.

  340.  #341Tam on January 27, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    337..urgh Memulo, that somehow resonates with me…I believe my harshness now with Curly (apart from some stuff he does that is hideous), partly springs from the fact that my heart feels closed and I feel sad. I wonder whether he is my punchbag/scapegoat for things not working out with MrP. Also, it gives so much power to me to know he would always be back, like I want to test it.
    I need to look inside myself and find out why I feel the need to punish someone.

  341.  #342ALA on January 27, 2013 at 7:27 pm



  342.  #343Tam on January 27, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    do I need to be kept off balance by someone to be ‘nice’ to them?
    I don’t have that belief. But what if that’s what it is?
    It seems that as soon as I spot some kind of weakness in a man, i e he is in love with me..I want to go for the jugular.

  343.  #344Vi on January 27, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Aww Sunshine, I feel tender in my heart reading about your fears and beliefs because they remind me on my own.. and I feel an urge to tell something soothing to you just the way I would try to soothe myself.. My healing of fears and belifs feels easier when I approach ‘healing’ as sending love to them with a simple phrase I love you, I hear you, I owe you I am in charge, and I forgive myself’. If I forget this approach and go into ‘fight it and get rid of it asap ‘ approach I usually feel more tense… the same with the not so good feeling beliefs.. sending some love to them helps me feel more courageous to try smth different.. hehe I got into Boy energy and sending you

  344.  #345Vi on January 27, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    my supportive vibes 🙂

  345.  #346BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Oh, okay…got some of it
    it was attacking, Dominique

    I was feeling defensive and triggered
    hearing T screaming at me while I was curled up, crying in the bedsheets with him towering over me, about how I was attracting what he was doing to me
    and how I was responsible for my experience
    and I didn’t know wtf he was talking about
    I knew nothing about this kind of stuff at the time
    and I was on LSD and like a small child
    He kept talking to me like I knew what he meant and was somehow being intentionally obstinate and I had NO idea wtf he was talking about.

    If I accidentally poked him, I’d say, “Oh, I didn’t mean to poke you!” and he would yell at me (and the man had a HUGE, booming voice) about how he didn’t believe me, he always believed everything I did that hurt him or he didn’t like was personal and intentional and he eventually had me believing I was vile and evil.

    So, even though it makes me feel sick to my stomach (because I really really REALLY want it to be about someone else…YICK)
    I’ll squeamishly take back that projection….

  346.  #347BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Oh, okay…got some of it
    it was attacking, Dominique

    I was feeling defensive and triggered
    hearing T screaming at me while I was curled up, crying in the bedsheets with him towering over me, about how I was attracting what he was doing to me
    and how I was responsible for my experience
    and I didn’t know wtf he was talking about
    I knew nothing about this kind of stuff at the time
    and I was on LSD and like a small child
    He kept talking to me like I knew what he meant and was somehow being intentionally obstinate and I had NO idea wtf he was talking about.

    If I accidentally poked him, I’d say, “Oh, I didn’t mean to poke you!” and he would yell at me (and the man had a HUGE, booming voice) about how he didn’t believe me, he always believed everything I did that hurt him or he didn’t like was personal and intentional and he eventually had me believing I was vile and ev!l.

    So, even though it makes me feel sick to my stomach (because I really really REALLY want it to be about someone else…YICK)
    I’ll squeamishly take back that projection….

  347.  #348Memulo on January 27, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    Tam, I don’t know, maybe Curly just doesn’t give you what you need? And it’s not really about testing his boundaries?

    In my situation it’s not. I’m just not 100% content with my cd and I sneak out to see other people. Well, I did today. I know that my cd has real feelings for me and I’m not being honest about the whole situation, prob for the first time in my life

  348.  #349Tam on January 27, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    347..hmmm..I would like that explanation better, yes. But I know I am also being a drama queen, at least I was tonight…and I never did anything like it before. It doesn’t feel good to be with someone who brings out my bad side, so bad that I didn’t even think I had it in me 🙁

    Ad for you, well perfect to practice feeling messages and speaking your truth??

  349.  #350BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    Dear Mind/Body/Soul complex,

    I feel scared to say I don’t want to feel defensive or attack anymore, how will I feel or be safe? What else is possible?
    I don’t want to project anymore, either.
    I don’t know what to do here.
    What do you think?

  350.  #351Annie on January 27, 2013 at 7:51 pm



    I feel a little queasy and surprised that a tantrika would hold this view about beliefs – it is radically different from the tantra I practice and am familiar with. ”

    That part is is not attacking language it is expressing your feelings and sharing you have a different belief.

  351.  #352Lori on January 27, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    I’m feeling annoyed and irritated. I would like to hear more about how everyone is doing with feeling better about themselves. Can we let it go and move on please? Taking back my life, doing for me, feeling better about myself.

  352.  #353BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 8:13 pm


    Annie, actually it was a little jab made in defense. I switched ‘feelings’ lenses several times before I came up with that one, I don’t know if that’s the right way to describe it.

    The LOA stuff and the feelings that come up with Dominique are between her and her, but she felt attacked for a reason and I won’t invalidate that and try to pretend it wasn’t happening at an energetic level.

    Even typing out how I felt grounded, I knew something was off and got up and walked around, checking in, knowing I wasn’t being fully honest.

  353.  #354BeLoved on January 27, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Love love love to meee…
    yowza it feels so weird to feel so integrated and aware.

  354.  #355sunshine on January 27, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Thanks Vi! I will keep working on caring and loving ALL my feelings:) I tend to feel frustrated when I dont get something right away, hehe but I wont judge myself I like that I am like that. Its because i like to strive for goals and do things right. I love myself for trying. I feel good and curious with so much new perspective. I feel interested and proud to look into it.

  355.  #356Turquoise on January 27, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    Hmmmm. Feels tense here. I’ll be back tomorrow. Feeling low energy, time for sleep! Good night sirens.

  356.  #357Annie on January 27, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    Ty for sharing Beloved.

  357.  #358Annie on January 27, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    What is Loa stuff?

  358.  #359Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    Memulo 286

    It’s ok 🙂 There was a time not too long ago when I would have felt that way myself, now I realise if I feel that kind of resentment it means both that I am holding on to expectations, and feeling (justified or not) that I am “giving” too much to the other person and need to take better care of myself.

  359.  #360Indigo on January 27, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    Hm, wow, I felt very saddened at the deliberate misinterpretation of Dominique’s words. I love the belief that she advocated, and I choose it for myself, not just for men, but for all people, whether or not there are rapists and murderers in the world.

    I love Dominique’s perspective on men, and I love everything she shares here, and she has helped me SO much with my own healing by sharing that perspective. I would feel very sad if she stopped posting here because of her words being twisted like this.

    *rant over*

    Thank you Dominique. I appreciate all you do.

  360.  #361ruth on January 28, 2013 at 12:37 am

    I started off feeling so uplifted and energised by the Blog and now I am sitting here in tears
    I wont specifically contribute to the last discussion except to say two things
    Dominique, I really appreciate what you do, and you have helped me more than you know.
    Believing that everyone is inherently good is how I was as a child/young girl
    I woud like to get back there
    Thinking about that makes me feel so sad and lost

  361.  #362Femininewoman on January 28, 2013 at 12:42 am

    Dominique I love you. I love your perspective and feel saddened by some of what I see addressed to you here. It is just what some people do and maybe just best to not engage with it. It feels really weird to me why anyone would choose to attack you who always offer kind words to other. I hope you feel better after your rest. Love to you 🙂

  362.  #363ruth on January 28, 2013 at 12:43 am

    On a happier note I am glad to see April Rose back

    Tam, I am surprised that you are even giving Curly the time of day!
    I feel hot and angry just reading about what happened to you

  363.  #364ruth on January 28, 2013 at 1:15 am

    Tereana, thats basically what I had to do with my parents
    It felt liberating

  364.  #365Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 1:39 am

    Rebecca, not everyone can say, “I love you.”

    But they all do.

    What a world,
    The Universe

    I so needed this today after a sleepless night feeling unloved by my mother and the rest of my family and having no-one to talk to, or no-one that cares..

    I felt sad and lonely.

    This Note From the Universe is very timely…


  365.  #366Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 1:41 am

    Also, I’ve read over the blog and can’t see what this “attack” is?

    Just looks like a difference of opinion to me…

    No good in over dramatising things and making mountains out of molehills…

    Just sayin…

  366.  #367Annie on January 28, 2013 at 1:53 am


    “Believing that everyone is inherently good is how I was as a child/young girl
    I would like to get back there.”

    I feel empathy with what you would like.
    I still believe that everyone is born equal and inherently good
    I also believe we are given free will to chose if we do harm to ourselves and others.
    And some people through free will chose to harm themselves and others.
    So therefore some people may choose to harm me or my children. And I want to take action and do my best to stay away from people who chose to do this.
    Pedophile, murderers and rapists for instance.
    And what I make no apologies for not believing is that
    “all men are lovely, have your interests at heart, want to make you feel good, happy?”

    I respect Dominique and other people who share that belief right to have that belief, I however to not agree with that belief and will agree to disagree with it.

    What others chose to believe and agree with is their business.

  367.  #368Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 1:57 am

    Having just watched a program on the Holocaust I believe men is very easily led to do “very bad things”.

    It doesn’t take a lot does it really?

    We are in a cult of “self improvement” of sorts..

  368.  #369ruth on January 28, 2013 at 1:59 am

    Thank you Annie

  369.  #370Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 2:00 am

    Sorry, should read “man” not “men”

  370.  #371Dominique on January 28, 2013 at 5:15 am

    Thank you everyone for your sweet words. I feel very loved and very supported. I appreciate each and every one of you.

    And yes BeLoved, though you recognized some of your own triggering and processing going on here, you are absolutely right that there is something for me to look at and heal.

    ANYTIME someone triggers you is an opportunity to look inside. For if there wasn’t something there to heal, it wouldn’t be triggering.

    Now when I suggest to switch one’s perspective when out on a CD or pretty much in any encounter to an assumption of the positive instead of one carrying negativity, this doesn’t mean I think every person in the world will live up to this. BUT you have a far better chance of this being so if you choose to look for it and appreciate it when it shows up. The more good you see, the more good you will see, and the more good you will get.

    That some people are not good people for whatever reason is a possibility, yet they are in a very tiny minority. That horrible feeling things happen to wonderful people is part of life.

    How one chooses to handle these horrible feelings things is up to you though. Will you choose to be a victim, crying out poor me, or will you choose to look at this as an opportunity to grow even more, heal even more deeply. This is NOT a blaming of self. It’s a taking of responsibility for your life and the direction it will go in going forward.

    When these things happen repeatedly, it’s an indication that your higher self is begging you to learn a lesson(s), and until you heed the call, these same things may continue to show up.

    I have not been immune to horrible feelings events in my life, including just about any form you can imagine. Yet I don’t see any of it as something to lament over. I feel thankful that I FINALLY did wake up and pay attention; I finally saw these things as the lessons that they were, and I dug down and went to work to heal whatever it was which was coming up for healing.

    And the journey continues as it does for everyone.

    Again everyone, thank you for your amazingness, all of you. We are all born as pure love, and this is the journey I think most of us are on, to get back to this core of pure love.


  371.  #372Tam on January 28, 2013 at 5:15 am

    362 Ruth, I felt really hot and angry, and I cried some angry tears. But part of me also felt very powerful, to have said to two guys in their 60’s very calmly ‘screw that’ and walk off….it was kind of funny and also, I had never done anything like it before….the shy girl. I am sure they were totally shocked and I would have liked to have seen their faces…ha ha.
    Part of me thinks it was a lesson is ‘self -asserting’ and not being put down and/or ridiculed.
    I am learning….

  372.  #373Tam on January 28, 2013 at 5:27 am

    Nice post Dominique!

  373.  #374Tam on January 28, 2013 at 5:37 am

    Urgh, I realise that the CDing just makes me miss MrP. Nevermind the romantic mess that we both made, we were best friends and had respect for each other and had each other’s back. Amongst a group of people or alone. He would always defend me, and lift me fact, he would embarrass me sometimes. Though in many ways he has some real issues and some people sometimes made fun of his crazy house and his ‘crazy’ ideas, I always had his back too, because he is highly intelligent and a softie behind his hard shell.
    Just a little nostalgia creeping in because well and truly, that chapter of my life is now closed.

  374.  #375Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 5:39 am

    @370: Dominque,

    Do you feel it wise though to be aware that there are people out there that will rape, murder etc?

    I’m confused. Because it seems to me that is all Annie is saying?

  375.  #376Francesca on January 28, 2013 at 5:46 am

    Love you, Dominique. ♥

  376.  #377Tam on January 28, 2013 at 5:49 am

    Rebecca, aren’t we all necessarily aware that bad people are out there? It’s everywhere, in the news, papers, everywhere….BUT does it help us to focus on that? I guess this is what I am taking from Dominique’s words. If we dwell on how bad people are and how bad the world is and how endangered our children are and how endangered we are – it’s just a lot of wasted energy, actually. Wasted energy on negative things. *shit* happens anyway, whether we fret or not.
    Personally, I don’t want to let fear rule my life anymore, so I don’t. That doesn’t mean that I am unaware and being silly about personal safety, but it means that I would like to try and focus on the positive in people….and it’s about attitude…
    but I am sure we are all fully aware of the ‘bad’ people that exist, for whatever reason.
    This is not lala land or fairy tale country, we exist in real life. Doesn’t mean we have to dwell on all the ‘shit that happens’ eternally. Then we start seeing bad everywhere and anywhere.
    And no, I do not want to be like that, hence Dominique’s words are very soothing and although I agree with Annies to a certain extent, the negativity that I feel from her words (sorry Annie, but we have discussed this before..), really chokes me and I feel sad reading her stuff often.

  377.  #378Dominique on January 28, 2013 at 5:50 am

    I don’t really know how to answer this Rebecca.

    I choose to assume people are good people at heart. I also know that most all of have suffered trauma and hurt, and some have not chosen to deal with this in a let’s say healthy way.

    That horrible things happen, such as rape and murder, is clear, yet when I’m out and about meeting people or whatever it is I do on any given day, the thought that one or another of the people I encounter might be one of these sorts of people never crosses my mind.

    Do I walk in the dark alone at night, for example? No, I do not, yet it’s not from fear that I will be raped or murdered. It’s simply a better choice.

    I don’t think I answered you very well, but it’s the best I have right now.


  378.  #379Tam on January 28, 2013 at 5:53 am

    I, for one, was the worst offender always homing in on the negative and bad stuff. Hasn’t got me anywhere.

    When I wasn’t so jaded in my early 20’s and looked at the world and men with open eyes, I had a beautiful relationship with a lovely, lovely guy.

    So I am heading back there in due time, thank you!
    Let me just sulk for a little while 😉

  379.  #380Tam on January 28, 2013 at 6:00 am

    Positive thoughts make me happier than negative thoughts.

  380.  #381Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:08 am


    I have to say I am with Annie on this one as I am very wary and I do feel scared when out and about.

    I have seen too many things happen. Maybe that’s why I feel as I do.

    It’s not a judgement that anyone should feel any way other than what they are happy with.

  381.  #382Tam on January 28, 2013 at 6:10 am

    Rebecca, can anyone be happy with that:

    ‘I am very wary and I do feel scared when out and about.’

    Personally, I would feel very unhappy with that belief. And I haven’t just seen bad things, I had them happen to me. Life is too short for me to feel scared when I am out and about. I want to enjoy my life.

  382.  #383Memulo on January 28, 2013 at 6:17 am

    I think sometimes that the fact I never contacted smartcd again can be seen as indifference

  383.  #384Lori on January 28, 2013 at 6:22 am

    Good morning all, I have to say that it distressed me to see that the discussion between Annie and Dominique is still ongoing. Really??? I get what Dominique is saying. It doesn’t mean there aren’t bad people, it just means that I choose to believe people are inherently good.

    That being said, can we please move on to better subjects? I come on to the blog to find information to better myself. For support and to support others. If I wanted to hear constant negativity, I’d turn on the news. This topic has caused tension and upset. Let’s choose to move on and let it go.

  384.  #385Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:25 am


    I’ve had things happen to me too. Sorry I don’t get your point – are you saying you don’t feel scared or fearful because of this? ie it’s made you not fearful. I don’t follow at all.

  385.  #386GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 6:26 am

    Oh I am totally all up in that spiritual bypassing.

    We’re here for a good time, not a long time.

    We are all just a million billion particles of the Universe in human form.

  386.  #387Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:28 am

    I’ve been mugged several times outside of my own front door – by people who do not look like “muggers”. In fact they just looked like normal friendly people.

    I choose to call these people opportunists really. They are everywhere in my opinion.

  387.  #388Tam on January 28, 2013 at 6:28 am

    384 Rebecca I chose not to let it ruin my life and positive attitude.
    I refuse to let it cloud my view of humanity in general, expecting bad things to happen around every corner – because they just don’t.

  388.  #389GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 6:28 am

    The Universe is vast and wild and beautiful. It is also violent, destructive, cruel, and desolate. It is, what it is.

  389.  #390Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:30 am


    What are you picking up on from me that tells you I have a “negative attitude”? and let these fearful thoughts “ruin my life”?

    I feel you are seriously judging me and I feel upset about it to tell you the truth.

  390.  #391Tam on January 28, 2013 at 6:36 am

    I said I don’t want them to ruin my life Rebecca, I said nothing about yours.

  391.  #392Lori on January 28, 2013 at 6:43 am

    I’ve been watching Dominique’s videos “The Goddess Way” and learning a lot. Caring for myself inside and out. It’s like I’m cherishing me the way I would my children. 🙂

  392.  #393GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 6:43 am

    I feel kind of outside, looking in here, as it’s been more than a while since i’ve been here.

    I feel content to know I live my life in a whirly swirly dreamy state.

    Having a convicted child molester for a grandfather, and rather open (maybe TOO open) parents, I was raised to know there is “evil” out there. There may be “evil” at the dinner table at Christmas.

    I would walk down the seediest street in my city at 3 o’clock in the morning with my head high, a smile on my face and butterflies in my tummy. And then when it’s over, I would revel in how exhilarating it felt.

  393.  #394GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 6:44 am

    I feel kind of outside, looking in here, as it’s been more than a while since i’ve been here.

    I feel content to know I live my life in a whirly swirly dreamy state.

    Having a convicted child molester for a grandfather, and rather open (maybe TOO open) parents, I was raised to know there is “ev1l” out there. There may be “ev1l” at the dinner table at Christmas.

    I would walk down the seediest street in my city at 3 o’clock in the morning with my head high, a smile on my face and butterflies in my tummy. And then when it’s over, I would revel in how exhilarating it felt.

  394.  #395Calypso on January 28, 2013 at 6:44 am

    Hi Sirens –

    I had a lovely weekend with Hound. He came to my house and bonded with all of my dogs and cats – lol. At one pint, he had a big dog in his lap, another big dog beside him on the couch, my little bitty chihuahua on his shoulder and a cat walking all over him – I took a picture and it was great! He is an animal lover and they obviously sensed that right off the bat!

    We hung out at my house for a while, then went into town to visit my mom at the nursing home. He was amazing with her! Then we drove to his town and had dinner and went to his place to watch TV and hang out. Mother Nature came calling me this weekend, so we did not have sex, but we made out like teenagers again and it felt so right to be with him like that.

    We talked a lot about our hopes for the future and what we want in a relationship. So far, everything feels perfect.

  395.  #396Lori on January 28, 2013 at 6:46 am

    I’m happy for you Calypso!

  396.  #397Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:46 am


    Well good for you Tam! You just thought you’ed “mention” it… Hmm… wonder why??

    Feels like your judging me.. and I do feel not listened to and my opinion completely ignored and glossed over.

  397.  #398Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:48 am

    Calypso, so you’ed let your 3 year old daughter do this??

    I would walk down the seediest street in my city at 3 o’clock in the morning with my head high, a smile on my face and butterflies in my tummy. And then when it’s over, I would revel in how exhilarating it felt.

  398.  #399Tam on January 28, 2013 at 6:50 am

    It’s freedom of speech. I can say what I want Rebecca, whether you like it or not.

  399.  #400Lori on January 28, 2013 at 6:51 am

    I’m so hoping the weather will be nice today. I need to get out and go on a hike. I felt it yesterday. Hiking soothes my soul. 🙂

  400.  #401April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 6:51 am

    It seems like whenever I arrive and post on a thread, conflict follows soon after in that same thread! (Or is it that there’s an argument/discussion on every thread?!)

    I love the conflict. I choose to believe it is healthy. When it opens discussion and communication it expands our point of view to include all the possible points of view. It teaches me to listen and empathise.

    Lori, why do you want to close it down?

  401.  #402Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 6:51 am

    OMG! Dominique! With everything I read and everything I was planning on saying and with as angry as I was getting at seeing your teachings twisted into something they are absolutely not…I don’t feel too strong of a pull to defend you because you already cared for yourself as you do. You articulated it so well in 370! You are the most beautiful person I know.

    “How one chooses to handle these horrible feelings things is up to you though. Will you choose to be a victim, crying out poor me, or will you choose to look at this as an opportunity to grow even more, heal even more deeply. This is NOT a blaming of self. It’s a taking of responsibility for your life and the direction it will go in going forward.”

    And this is me! I had a really, really horrible childhood (as you know) and when I left victim behind and chose survivor, everything changed for me. Everything! Yet my mother (who was as much to blame for the fact that her boyfriends were all sexually molesting and raping me at a very young age – as in 6 – 6 years old when I lost my virginity and it didn’t stop there…) is STILL attracting those same kind of men into her life. She’s angry and bitter about men and truly believes they are all “bad” (she uses much more colorful words than that) and every man who comes into her life IS that person. It’s sad and horrible. I don’t believe it’s all her fault and I do understand that she has been a victim most of her life and I don’t want to blame the victim. But I can also see how her thoughts about men and her willingness to give them love (sex) and money WILL attract that into her life (and into mine when I was a child).

    Bad people exist and bad things happen but I’m 100% with you beautiful Dominique…I do not have to walk around in fear of that, I do not have to give my energy to it and I absolutely do not have to believe it will happen to me. So I don’t. If I’m wrong and something bad does actually happen to me, well…it was going to happen anyway so what difference would it make if I had lived in fear of it? If I’m attacked and raped 20 years from now will I regret not focusing on the fact that it could happen to me or will I be grateful that I spent 20 years loving people and being kind to others and not suspecting everyone I meet of being cruel? I don’t think I’ll have regrets.

    Like you, I take care of myself and I make good decisions and I don’t put myself in harms way. At the same time, I don’t believe I am going to experience anything bad. I’m safe about my life and I love people. And I believe the good ones will fill my life with love. And I believe the bad ones will, for the most part, go out there and find people more like them. I don’t want them to think that’s me.

    If someone does come into my life that IS (or feels like) a bad person, I don’t exchange contact information with them or make plans to see them again or visit their houses. They are gone from my life as quickly as they entered. But in order to get that treatment (gone from my life) they first have to do or say something that indicates to me they have potential to harm me. Until then, I enjoy the company of people I meet.

    I actually believe people who are negative and don’t believe in the most magical things about relationships and life and love are MUCH more harmful to me than the off chance that I might someday run across a murderer and mistakenly go on a date with him.

    I hope you feel good today. I hate the thought of losing your voice on this blog or on yours. You do some incredibly amazing work with women (you have coached me through many a moment) and you have a beautiful program right now that is very reasonably priced and destined to help thousands of women heal from their past experiences and move forward toward love and relationship bliss. Don’t ever consider stopping. I could never create the beauty you can and I could never have the patience to go on the healing journey with so many women as you have and will continue to do. Don’t ever let anyone…regardless of their beliefs…get to your heart. You know what you are saying is true. So keep saying it.

    Much Love my friend,

  402.  #403Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:53 am

    Wohoo Tam! I can say what I like too! Funnily enough I’m entitled to my own opinion if it’s alright with everybody..

  403.  #404April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 6:54 am

    I remember a few months back the theme of ‘gratitude for the trigger’. Sirens considered being triggered to be a valuable experience leading to self-awareness and healing.
    We posted to one another, saying “Thank you for the trigger”.

  404.  #405GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 6:54 am

    Rebecca, I said that, not Calypso.

    I would also go snowboarding at night by myself as a beginner, and drink tequila in a night club and get all rowdy!

    I am an adult. A 3 year old is incapable of protecting herself/himself, so no, these are not appropriate activities for a 3 year old.

    They ARE appropriate activities for me however, because I would be causing nobody harm, and finding some kind of enjoyment.

  405.  #406Tam on January 28, 2013 at 6:54 am

    Wow, Calypso. The hound and your hounds, eh? 🙂

  406.  #407Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 6:54 am

    Hehe I am releasing my inner drama queen!! It feels very liberating at the mo…

  407.  #408April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 6:54 am

    Of course, each woman processes triggers in an individual way.

  408.  #409Lori on January 28, 2013 at 6:56 am

    Yay Mercedes 400! Well said and I’m so thankful you did! I love your positive attitude and appreciate you for it. 🙂

  409.  #410GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 6:56 am


    I remember that very well 🙂 I still practice that perspective in my daily life. It feels fantastic because even “negative” feelings become learning to feel thankful for.

    So nice to see you btw xxx

  410.  #411Tam on January 28, 2013 at 6:56 am

    GlowStix…yeah, I would have been scared but I wouldn’t have let it stop me. Nothing can stop me, and why should it? I don’t take silly risks, but I do take calculated risks…else of course I could stay holed up in my flat forever, especially as a single girl. And then the ceiling light falls down and kills me lol.
    Life is too short. It just is!

  411.  #412Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 7:00 am

    403: GlowStix

    Of course but that is the point isn’t it??

    If the world were so safe as everyone is saying we would let children come and go as we please.

    I don’t know if you really would do what you are saying but I do seriously doubt you would.

  412.  #413April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 7:02 am

    Thank you for your openness about your story. I feel surprised at your frankness, and also like I have received a gift.

  413.  #414Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 7:03 am


    “yeah, I would have been scared but I wouldn’t have let it stop me”

    Er, so you would have felt scared??

    Funny that’s what I was saying.

    Feel like I have had my point completely trampled on.

    What a surprise.

    Well, time for me to have a break from this blog. I’m done with all this heated discussion… I’m not getting anywhere here…

  414.  #415April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 7:05 am


    Thank you! Nice to see you too. I hear a consistent positive tone in your writings, and I don’t feel it to be a coincidence that you have a delicious relationship also.

  415.  #416April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 7:06 am


    Thank you! Nice to see you too. I hear a consistent positive tone in your writings, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you have a delicious relationship also.

  416.  #417Annie on January 28, 2013 at 7:06 am

    Mercedes says.

    Bad people exist and bad things. happen but I’m 100% with you beautiful Dominique…I do not have to walk around in fear of that, I do not have to give my energy to it and I absolutely do not have to believe it will happen to me.

    So I don’t. If I’m wrong and something bad does actually happen to me, well…it was going to happen anyway so what difference would it make if I had lived in fear of it? If I’m attacked and raped 20 years from now will I regret not focusing on the fact that it could happen to me or will I be grateful that I spent 20 years loving people and being kind to others and not suspecting everyone I meet of being cruel? I don’t think I’ll have regrets.

    Like you, I take care of myself and I make good decisions and I don’t put myself in harms way. At the same time, I don’t believe I am going to experience anything bad. I’m safe about my life and I love people. And I believe the good ones will fill my life with love. And I believe the bad ones will, for the most part, go out there and find people more like them. I don’t want them to think that’s me.

    If someone does come into my life that IS (or feels like) a bad person, I don’t exchange contact information with them or make plans to see them again or visit their houses. They are gone from my life as quickly as they entered. But in order to get that treatment (gone from my life) they first have to do or say something that indicates to me they have potential to harm me. Until then, I enjoy the company of people I meet.”

    I feel in total agreement with you Mercedes.

  417.  #418April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 7:07 am


    Where were you hoping to ‘get to’?

  418.  #419Tam on January 28, 2013 at 7:09 am

    I’m not getting anywhere here…’

    There you are saying it yourself…I can’t help but agree with you, girl.

  419.  #420GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 7:09 am



    I take all kinds of silly risks. Ok, so I wouldn’t cliff dive into a shallow pool lol Not saying I am ignorant of cause and effect. When I walked down that street I wasn’t waving 100 dollar bills around in the air, if you feel me 😉

  420.  #421Femininewoman on January 28, 2013 at 7:09 am

    It is interesting how someone can post once in a while and their post is like a whirlwind leaving things all over the place in its wake.

    Facts maybe facts yes. Yet this blog is for healing. I can’t see the benefit of focussing on facts that does not encourage healing.

  421.  #422April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 7:10 am

    Hello Ruth!!!

    How are you doing? So glad to see you on here 🙂

    I went to Australia over New Year. It was 36 degrees in the meditation retreat near the Blue Mountains (I helped to build it five years ago).
    Then I got back to the UK and thick snow. Brrrrrrr..

  422.  #423Tam on January 28, 2013 at 7:11 am

    418..Glowstix, I totally get that and I am pretty much the same as you.
    Meh, like I say, I don’t let fear control me, doesn’t mean I don’t feel it occasionally, but I refuse to let it rule my life.

  423.  #424April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 7:12 am


    Who was that, Femininewoman?

  424.  #425Femininewoman on January 28, 2013 at 7:12 am

    I hear a consistent positive tone in your writings, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you have a delicious relationship also.


    Same thing I think about Dominique and Mercedes.

  425.  #426Tam on January 28, 2013 at 7:13 am

    I let fear rule my life up until about 19 years old and it was an awful existence. I do not intend to go back there, ever again.

  426.  #427Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 7:13 am

    417: Tam

    I’m not getting anywhere here…’

    There you are saying it yourself…I can’t help but agree with you, girl.

    I feel that’s incredibly spiteful and condescending Tam. I’m going to leave now for a break.

  427.  #428GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 7:15 am


    I’m not grasping at examples. This is all stuff I have actually done. I fully agree with you…The world, the Universe, full of danger. Full of violence.

    It is actually BeLoved’s posts that got me going on this…Not to diminish what you feel, but I had not yet read what you wrote when I started on this thought process. Definitely not attempting to discredit you. Much love <3

  428.  #429Lori on January 28, 2013 at 7:16 am

    I subscribe to the Law of Attraction posts. I love this one.

    We are all entirely free to choose whatever we want. The power is in your hands now, and you are the one who chooses how to use that power in your own life. You can choose: To have a happier life today, or put it off until tomorrow. What feels better? You choose. (The Secret Daily Teachings)

  429.  #430April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 7:17 am

    Femininewoman 423

    ditto Mel and lk (is lk still about?)

  430.  #431Rebecca on January 28, 2013 at 7:17 am

    GlowStix, thanks! I’m just trying to state my opinion that’s all just as you are! Much love too!

  431.  #432Liz on January 28, 2013 at 7:20 am

    Rori – could it be? This is like magic. I wrote last week and I was very upset because of weeks of fighting and coldness between me and my guy. I started to focus on myself by going back to the gym, work, seeing friends etc. and basically let up the pressure on my guy. I was still open and warm, but it was clear that my attention was on me. This weekend, we spent more time together, he said he would call more.. we had a chance to talk and I used warm feeling messages, letting him know how I felt and that basically there were things I wanted and needed from him. And surprisingly, he heard me without getting angry or moving away from me. I am so excited about this coming week… just taking one day at a time… and still keeping my focus on me. This is a huge change because I was convinced that we were finished…

  432.  #433Femininewoman on January 28, 2013 at 7:21 am

    lk changed to bloom-ing but have not posted in a while

  433.  #434Annie on January 28, 2013 at 7:22 am


    401: Rebecca

    “Wohoo Tam! I can say what I like too! Funnily enough I’m entitled to my own opinion if it’s alright with everybody..

    Some people will respect that you have a right to have a different opinion.
    And a right to have thoughts feelings due to your own unique life experience. And get where you are coming from.
    And some people are able to put themselves in your shoes and see it from your point of view as if they were you with your life experiences.
    And others are only able to put themselves in your shoes and see it from their imagination of what they would have done thought and felt in those circumstances, based on their life experiences so are not able at this moment in tine to see it from your unique point of view.

    The first group in my experience and knowledge are very rare.

    It is what it is.

    “Well, time for me to have a break from this blog. I’m done with all this heated discussion… I’m not getting anywhere here.”

    Perhaps that is the lesson.

  434.  #435Femininewoman on January 28, 2013 at 7:24 am

    Yoohoo Congrats Liz!! 🙂 🙂

    Thanks for sharing your success story

  435.  #436CurvySiren10 on January 28, 2013 at 7:25 am

    April Rose….
    I love this! “I love the conflict. I choose to believe it is healthy. When it opens discussion and communication it expands our point of view to include all the possible points of view. It teaches me to listen and empathise.”

    Probably one of the most inspiring, most wise things I’ve ever read on this blog. Conflict is the gateway to understanding …of ourselves and partners. And healthy, strong, vibrant relationships. I know there are some here who don’t believe that and avoid it at all costs, but I agree with you and am planning my life’s work around getting that message out.

  436.  #437Femininewoman on January 28, 2013 at 7:26 am

    Thanks Lori for that post. I choose to have a happier life now. Maybe we can choose to focus on that together so that the vibrations can move to love or above.

  437.  #438Lori on January 28, 2013 at 7:26 am

    Yay Liz! I feel encouraged by your success. 🙂

  438.  #439Lori on January 28, 2013 at 7:28 am

    Oh wow, loved this one too so had to share.

    “The quality of your life and the duration of your success depend on your attitude, and you are the only person in this world with the power to make it better.”

    Excerpt From: Maxwell, John. “Maxwell Daily Reader.”

  439.  #440Lori on January 28, 2013 at 7:28 am

    You’re very welcome FW. 🙂

  440.  #441Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 7:29 am

    Thank you everyone. I love Dominique so much and she lives this beautiful life of caring and loving attention and energy toward all people. She believes, as I do, that people are good.

    There are bad things and feelings and actions out there and they are caused by people but we don’t have to attract those people into our lives. They may show up anyway (I don’t believe EVERYTHING that happens to us is because we attract it but I ABSOLUTELY believe we can increase our chances of attracting it by giving our energy to it…) but there’s no reason to believe people are bad or men are bad.

    I hate generalizations about “all people” or “all men” or “all relationships” or worse “all good relationships” or “all women” or….whatever…I hate that stuff. Men are not bad.

    There are bad men (and women) in this world. Hopefully that changes as more women follow Mother Theresa’s teachings and continue to focus their energy on world peace.

    There’s no reason, when I think about a man in my life, that I should assume they are bad or they are doing something bad if they don’t call me or they’re out to hurt my heart or cheat on me if they go away for a few days or…..on and on an on with the stories we can create in our minds about someone else.

    The majority of the time, the men in our lives are good men and they are NOT out there running amuck and fu*king everything that walks or pulling away from us or not interested anymore or getting cold…or whatever…just because they didn’t call.

    And trust me…as a woman who was cheated on by the man of her dreams…it was very hard for me to come to that state of mind.

    April Rose: My story is very much an open book because I spent years counseling women and young teens who were in abusive situations. I also worked as a youth teacher, a youth group leader and the juvenile services coordinator for the county I lived in.

    I found the people I worked with trusted me if I were able to speak to them about my own experiences and to be honest, talking about it so much gave me my own much needed therapy. It was win-win. After all that, I’m not shy and I don’t hide much from view. If any part of my story every helps even one person then it will all be worth telling. 🙂 Thank you for referring to that as a gift. It is meant in that very spirit whenever I tell part of my story. Whatever pieces of my past or tips and advice for the future or stories of my present life I’m putting out here, it is all in the spirit of a gift to some woman (or many women) who might need to hear just that day. Thank you.

    Much Love,

  441.  #442Calypso on January 28, 2013 at 7:35 am

    Lori – Thanks for being happy 4 me 🙂 – it feels lovely to let myself be happy. Hound and I talked about how crazy we are about each other all ready – he said he is the kind of person who is not afraid to reach for happines when he sees it staring him in the face – I want to reach too – It’s exhilarating.

    Rebecca – LOL. I’m glad I saw that GlowStix posted that whatever you were asking me was based on somethign she had said – I do not have a 3 year old daughter and for the record, if I did – I would not let her do what I did this weekend 🙂

    TAM – Yes – Hound bonded with my pack of hounds – I was totally thinking that while my big lab was pased out sound asleep in his lap. It is very important to me that any man I might be serious about like animals. I’m never going to live in a situation where my animals have to stay outside or can’t get on the couch with me. The funny thing is, Hound has 2 cats and i got to bond with them too – I think they love me already – lol.

  442.  #443Calypso on January 28, 2013 at 7:39 am

    Lori @ 427 – I get those posts too and they always help me focus on the positive. I love this one – thanks for sharing it! I chose to be happy TODAY!

  443.  #444GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 7:39 am

    Wootwoot Go Liz!

    Your dedication to self focus is inspirational!

  444.  #445Liz on January 28, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Thank you everyone. It’s not easy. Ror’s tools work but I had to committ to it. I know if I slip back into my old ways I would get the old results. I think I’ve learned basically that you have to love yourself first before you can liove another. My guy is an alpha male. And I am definitely on my alpha side. So for me to let go and let him lead or not has been a challenge. But the more I focus on me and what I want and focus less on him the better. He is a grown up. He knows how to get what he wants me I figured if he wants me he knows how. I was floored this weekend when he asked me if he could come with me to a party that we had both been invited to. But he hadn’t responded to. I said, that it would be great. When we talked I let him know that I needed certain things like for him to just keep in contact even if he was busy. But that if he didn’t it was his choice but that I would feel like he didn’t care if it happened too much.

  445.  #446Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Liz: Don’t ever change! This is the perfect way to create love and bonding with the man of your dreams (in my experience): “I started to focus on myself by going back to the gym, work, seeing friends etc. and basically let up the pressure on my guy. I was still open and warm, but it was clear that my attention was on me. ”

    “Let up the pressure on my guy” – and so many times we don’t even realize that when we send all that energy his way instead of toward ourselves, we’re actually causing pressure on him. Energy can be heavy stuff!

    Much Love,

  446.  #447GlowStix on January 28, 2013 at 7:44 am

    April Rose 415 and femininewoman 424

    Your words feel uplifting 🙂 Big thank yous!

    And I think…I love that you used the word delicious! Life itself is rather yummy!

  447.  #448Lori on January 28, 2013 at 7:46 am

    Wow, Liz and Mercedes, so inspirational. I love reading your stuff as it helps me to feel more determined. Prior to joining the blog, I was aware of the Law of Attraction from watching The Secret but I don’t think I realized how REAL it is.

    I’ve been making a conscious decision to turn my energy back towards myself. Removing his numbers and the necklace helped a lot as it was a physical disconnection for me. I still feel him but not as strong as I did. Not sure if this is good or bad.

  448.  #449Elsie on January 28, 2013 at 8:00 am

    @Mercedes – wow, thanks for sharing that story. What a survivor you truly are – I simply can’t imagine. Having kiddos myself – I cant imagine putting them in harms way. Wow. You are remarkable for having such courage to heal.

    @Calypso – I’m glad things are going good with your guy! 🙂


  449.  #450Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 8:03 am

    Lori: “I still feel him but not as strong as I did. Not sure if this is good or bad.”

    In my opinion, it is good because it means you are taking back your energy. It doesn’t mean he’s not there, it means your focus is turning toward YOU so you have less energy to spend “feeling” him. Does that make any sense?

    As far as the Law of Attraction, I believe in it very much except that for me, there is more to it than just attraction when it comes to our dreams. I believe that things happen for a reason and sometimes those are not things we wanted to attract. The reason I believe this is because I have a strong faith in a higher power. My law of attraction takes the word “universe” and translates it to “G0d” and takes the word “manifestation” and translates it to “answered prayers” and takes the words “gift from the universe” and translates them to “blessings from G0d”.

    But it’s the same concept and it really does work.

    At the beginning of the year, I wrote my new years letter and I sealed it up to open next year. One of the things I remember writing in that letter was a gratitude for having my own business. Since then I’ve focused a ton of energy and most of my morning meditations toward that dream.

    Last week, J told me he wants to finance it. We’ve talked to an accountant, have a meeting with a lawyer, visited the location we want and emailed them for leasing information.

    Now…that dream is not here yet but with everything in my I believe it is on the way and will be here very soon.

    One year ago today, I would have laughed at anyone who told me J would finance the career of my dreams. Two years ago today I would have laughed at anyone who told me I would LET him do something like that. Less than one month ago today I started focusing on the career of my dreams and I completely stopped focusing on where that would come from.

    I took my energy off of what J can or cannot do for me financially and what that could mean to our relationship and put it all on my career. Suddenly he’s started making offers bigger than he ever has and I’m finding myself accepting those offers when I never would have in the past (from any man, not just J).

    In addition to that, so many things I’ve written in my New Year’s letters in the past have come true. Lots and lots and lots of them.

    Yeah…I believe…

    Much Love,

  450.  #451Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 8:08 am

    Elsie: Thank you. I am very proud of how far I’ve come and I believe it can be that way for anyone. It wasn’t just me by the way. I have an amazing sister who went through the same stuff and she’s this incredibly beautiful creature who has a passionate and lovely marriage with the man of her dreams. They’ve been married for almost 20 years now. She was much faster than I at finding that dream. 🙂

    Much Love,

  451.  #452Lori on January 28, 2013 at 8:14 am

    That’s awesome Mercedes. I love hearing about your success. It helps me to know that I can do it too.

    Are you perchance on FB? Siren Island?

  452.  #453Starbright on January 28, 2013 at 8:24 am


    Wow! Thanks for sharing such growth and inspiration here today!!! Yeah you for continuing to go after your dreams! I love it!

  453.  #454Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 8:25 am

    Actually Lori, I’m not. I do have a FB account but not associated with my blogging. My kids are friends of mine and my former students, etc plus people I work with. I don’t want any of them googling me and finding my story (especially my children who love J and are too young to read about him cheating on me…if the time comes where they need to know that stuff, I want to tell them and I want to be there with them…I don’t want them reading it like it’s some story).

    Anyway, I keep my “real life” and my “blogging life” very separate from the perspective of people finding me on the internet.

    But…I do have a blog where you can read a lot of what I have written about my story and I have a twitter account where I let my followers know when I’ve created a new blog post (few and far between lately I’m sorry to say) and I enjoy my time here on Rori’s blog and sometimes on Dominique’s blog. Hers and mine are harder for me because they are blocked at work and I don’t go online much at night or on the weekends but I do still go there when I can.

    I’m out here…just not in that FB sense. 🙂

    On another note…with twitter…my poor followers also have to listen to see me live tweet college football games. I’m a passionate fan…

    Much Love,

  454.  #455Calypso on January 28, 2013 at 8:29 am

    Elsie – Thanks 🙂

    I can feel myself healing in so many ways right now. The world Hound lives in brushes up against the world I shared with GM in so many ways and in the past, it would have kept me freaked out and on edge – constantly looking for signs of GM and thinking about how I would act and feel if I saw him, but I’m realizing now that Hound has my attention in ways that no other man since GM has had. I’m feeling things I have not felt since GM.

    Also – Being with Hound is helping me remember things about GM that were not great. I remembered last night that the day I slept with GM for the first time, we completely bonded and imprinted – i felt so completely in love and safe and wonderful in every way, but then the very next time I saw him, he told me he was seeing a therapist and that she had informed him that he was not emotionally ready to be in a relationship and that he needed to tell me that we had to take it one day at a time. I cried when he told me that and I have been crying over that man ever since.

    I see so many qualities in Hound that I saw in GM and loved about him, but they are in completely different places emotionally. Hound is ready for a relationship, he is interested in being married again some day. He does not expect to be hurt – he expects us to be great together. It’s amazing what a difference that makes!

  455.  #456Lori on January 28, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I completely understand. I’m very careful as to what I post on my FB account as my children are on it. I too have had experiences in my life that have been pretty bad. I just refuse to allow them to shape my life going forward. I’m open to changes and living my life to the fullest.

    Hah, I’m a major football fan and staunch 49er fan so I’m ecstatic over their making it to the Superbowl. Can’t wait for Sunday.

    I wanted to provide the FB link for the page on the business that we are launching. 🙂

  456.  #457Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 8:36 am

    Thank you Starbright! I love it when I’m seen as an inspiration! That’s what I want more than anything in the world…for people to see me and somehow just KNOW they too can heal. I hate seeing someone not heal what could be. Like my mother. I wish she could heal. But each person needs to decide if they are going to and if they are going to take it seriously and if they are going to push forward or give up when things go “wrong”.

    There are setbacks and pains and disappointments in healing and in believing fully in the law of attraction. We just have to decide if it’s all worth it. For me, it is. 🙂

    Much Love,

  457.  #458ruth on January 28, 2013 at 8:36 am


  458.  #459Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 8:42 am

    Lori: I think you still should provide the link. 🙂

    I’m not much of an NFL fan but J is helping me along with that. Mostly I just follow my college players into the NFL and I spend Sundays seeing who they’re playing for and checking up on their stats. Oh…and wearing the jersey J bought me to encourage me to become a fan of his home team. LOL! You’d probably be a little jealous of J on Sunday. He has to be available to get things fixed immediately if something goes wrong, but he’ll be working at the Superbowl. There are plenty of people in this world who want to be him right now. haha!

    Much Love,

  459.  #460MovingMagic on January 28, 2013 at 8:43 am

    Lori, I would love to get the law of attraction emails! Where do I go?

  460.  #461Memulo on January 28, 2013 at 8:43 am

    My head must be spinning really bad. I’m seriously asking how my silence can be perceived by a man who disappeared on me

  461.  #462Lori on January 28, 2013 at 8:45 am

    Mercedes! I’m so jealous! Lucky him! I received an invitation from a CD to attend the Superbowl with him but I’m just not sure i believe him.

    I wear red/gold glitter for eyeshadow when the 9ers play. lol. Total fan.

    I’ve posted the link below. It’s a work in progress and a precursor to the website.

  462.  #463Lori on January 28, 2013 at 8:46 am

  463.  #464Rebekah on January 28, 2013 at 8:46 am

    Wowza lots of arguing and twisting ppls words.. No thank you!
    The world is what you make it. It is a part of you.. If you want it to be scary and bad, it will give you scary and bad..because that’s all your eyes will see.

    Positivity over negativity…

    I for one choose not to focus on that fact that someday somehow someone might hurt me and do bad things to me. i choose not to let that fear/belief run my life…

    Ok I’m done. I feel happy to leave and not be on the blog anymore today.

  464.  #465Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 8:51 am

    “but I’m just not sure i believe him” – and this is where the power of attraction comes into play. If you live your life “believing” stuff like this then you’ll get all excited about it and you’ll talk about it and you’ll mention it to him in all your excitement and you’ll send TONS of energy toward it and…well…in my experience…that can make it a reality.

    Again, some things are not meant to be and you have to be able to handle a little disappointment sometimes when you live like I do but…it’s all worth it! 🙂

    Thanks for the link!

    Much Love,

  465.  #466Femininewoman on January 28, 2013 at 9:14 am

    Memulo I believe your head is spinning.

    I ecourage you to find some kind of practice that helps you focus on your heart area.

    I am sure he is not spending time dwelling on the issue, He must have been only dating.

    New thread is up!!

  466.  #467MovingMagic on January 28, 2013 at 9:16 am

    Thank you Lori! Whooo hooo!! I’m attracting more, & more people to do art/dance collaborations with. I feel amazed, excited, greatful, in awe, & inspired!

  467.  #468Iamabutterfly on January 28, 2013 at 10:32 am

    I feel so fascinated by everything going on the blog lately. Feels like I’m learning a lot and I’m just reading! That feels nice.

    I feel so proud of myself because I didn’t reach out to that guy I wanted to reach out to. I stayed in feminine energy and didn’t lean forward. It’s funny, because I was thinking to myself “It doesn’t matter if I lean forward, because I really don’t care about the outcome.” but then, as I realized I didn’t care about the outcome, I realized there was no reason to lean forward, because I didn’t care!

    He sat really close to me and I felt calm. I didn’t feel any need to lean forward at all. I felt him watching me closely. I started to feel a little sad, so I let myself feel sad.

    I got up and he followed me, mirrored my language, lingered. At one point, we were just standing there alone. I felt no need to say anything, and he looked like he was about to say something, but then he stopped himself, and that made me feel so sad that I hung my head and walked away. He didn’t follow.

    and while I felt sad that he didn’t follow, I also feel so proud of myself for not speaking, not leaning forward, just feeling and being and accepting that maybe he just isn’t masculine enough for me. I care about him, but I need him to care enough to be that Masculine energy partner, to think, act, and move towards action. If he’s not going to do that, then he is not worth my time.

    I know I’m not always feminine. but maybe that’s the problem. He needs someone to be so incredibly feminine that he has no choice but to step up into masculine energy, in a way that perhaps he never has before.

    I know he can. I believe in him.

  468.  #469Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 10:37 am

    Iama: I’m sure you left him reeling from this and he’ll know in the future what he has to do:

    ” I felt no need to say anything, and he looked like he was about to say something, but then he stopped himself, and that made me feel so sad that I hung my head and walked away.”

    No way to know if he’ll do it or not, but for certain, you showed him that it would have to be HIM making that move. LOVE IT!!!

    Much Love,

  469.  #470Dominique on January 28, 2013 at 10:45 am

    Femininewoman – 425 – <3


  470.  #471Iamabutterfly on January 28, 2013 at 11:30 am

    @469 Mercedes – Thanks. 🙂

  471.  #472April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    Thank you CurvySiren

    I like what you said about conflict being the gateway to understanding.
    Conflict is everywhere. I can’t imagine life without it….!
    So might as well see it as a positive and powerful force.

  472.  #473Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    April Rose: This is a view I was able to change and so much changed with it:

    “Conflict is everywhere. I can’t imagine life without it….!”

    I’ve heard time and time again how “everyone” has conflict in their relationships and “all good relationships” have arguments and “we have our fights just like everyone” and “you have to compromise in a relationship” and on and on and…

    I’m wondering…who says that’s true? Who decided we have to have conflict or arguments or fights or compromises or disagreements or any form of upset? Who made up that rule and does it have to apply to me?

    I decided no…it doesn’t have to apply to me so…it doesn’t. 🙂

    Now…I’m still working on that thought outside of my relationship at home. Not quite there yet. LOL!

    But I do believe that Mother Theresa and Gandhi and the Dali Lama and many Buddhist believers all believe/believed that it doesn’t have to be that way and they devote/d their lives to spreading that belief throughout mankind. I love them for that. Such inspiration.

    Much Love,

  473.  #474Tam on January 28, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    472..totally agree April and of course with Curvy too. I know first hand how damaging it is to run away from conflict. I have done so all my life, I grew up around it and learnt to run and shut it out or pretend it isn’t there.
    Hence even now I suffer from the tiniest of conflicts and often wonder if I should stay alone for fear of it and making my life complicated. I rather run. And it’s meant a lot of my interpersonal relationships remained superficial and in lala land (all is great and fantastic…). It’s not real.
    I am working hard on changing that, and being able to handly conflict in a healthy way – I have ways to go. But at least I have awareness…the first step.
    I have said on here time and time again that life without conflict is just not possible, family members, relationships with friends, romantic ones.
    It is everywhere and it is how we handly it that makes all the difference.
    Jeez, I got a lot of flak on this blog for saying it.
    But here I say it again.
    We can create fantasy bonds devoid of conflict easily..but to create real relationships, that survive and get better with conflicts, if we can solve them, that’s where the juice is really at.
    It creates closeness if it is done properly. Running away and pretending all is fine (like what I used to do): doesn’t work.

  474.  #475Tam on January 28, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    by the way, I know it is ‘handle’ and not ‘handly’..haha

  475.  #476Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 12:32 pm


  476.  #477April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    Thanks, Mercedes,

    I wasn’t looking at conflict in terms of fights and arguments. More in terms of differing opinions and perceptions. The whole spectrum. I wouldn’t want that to not exist. I love diversity.

  477.  #478April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    A lot of the disagreements I read on this blog I would consider to be differences of opinion, and varying degrees of acceptance of other people’s views.

    As such, I wouldn’t consider them fights or attacks.

  478.  #479Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    April Rose: I agree with regard to the blog.

    I did however change that view that conflict has to exist and I can’t imagine life without it. This is something I changed for me and not necessarily something everyone would want to change. I was speaking of my relationship though and how that mindset change made a big difference in my life (and it wasn’t even a conscious decision to change the mindset. that happened on its own as my relationship grew).

    In my relationship things just *flow* (I have no other word for it) and I agree, most likely not everyone would want that as many do prefer the differences of opinions (we do have the differences in perspectives but we simply listen to those with an open mind and have fantastic discussions around our perspectives. I believe we can learn so much from listening to the perspective of a man and they can learn from us as well) but for J and I, we love the fact that our opinions and thoughts and views on things match so completely that life just allows us to float through it.

    Wasn’t always that way but the differences we had were about us being in different areas of our lives and different places on our respective journeys. Now that we’ve found our path together, it no longer exists for us that way.

    But again…yes…we do not have diversity in our home (except for the obvious fact that he is a man and I am a woman. lol) and that is not something everyone would be comfortable with…which I understand.

    My point is simply that the life we want together is one that we actually have together and that it does indeed exist. It exists for Dominique and K as well as they feel much the same as J and I when it comes to these things and they have found the relationship they want.

    I believe it is for all of us to have exactly what we want in a relationship and no less. 🙂 Whatever that desire looks like for each of us, that’s what I want for us all.

    Much Love,

  479.  #480April Rose on January 28, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I want harmony and flow in relationship, yes.
    It sounds yummy to me the way you describe it.

  480.  #481Mercedes on January 28, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Awwww…April Rose…it feels yummy to live it and I want that for you too…whatever that looks like (as I am quite certain that looks even just a little bit different for each of us). 🙂

    Much Love,

  481.  #482cathy on February 9, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    I’ve been wiethe same man going on 16yrs. He is 12yrs younger, the man B4 him was with 8yrs. The fire has died down. Needless to say I’m no spring chicken but don’t let my age slow me down or my back prob. Ian on disability and unable to purchase ur wisdom. I so wish I could becuz I can c where ur inlightment could help the brokenhearted, such as myself. Ijust wanted to thank u. For helping thosr who can afford ur advise and giving them hope n matters of the heart. Thanks I wish I could afford.

  482.  #483Rori Raye on February 9, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    cathy – just read everything on here for free and get my free newsletters – there’s enough there to keep you working on Tools for a long time…Love, Rori – oh – I deleted your last name for your privacy. Love, Rori

  483.  #484ronda on February 21, 2013 at 9:46 am

    hello rori thank you for responding to me i was so trilled to recieve timely emails back from you im so inpressed that you are a inspired god gifted lady and throught will and determination i can to overcome years of not knowing what to do so im going to purchase the whole program tomorrow of rori raye it is very important esp now that my husband says he want a divorce he tell me i call the cop the the house it was only to keep the peace and nothing else when i asked him to leave the house i was so upset that i heard him calling me names because he was so insecure thinking i was seeing someone else so i assumed the same about him but i did hear him talking on the phone to another lady maybe someone from out of town maybe 1st coversation it was a 7min conversation like when a person meets someone hows the weather and you work out general questions well i was out done as a hard working wife and my husband at home serching for a new job i asked him to leave hes trying to turn it around about the cops but he should never had been on the phone with another woman i will confess i was not treating him right at all he would try to show me love all the time i would push him away because of inside dealing with my own problems sister killed ,mom dieing 6mos ago . i am a christian lady and dont believe in failure nor do i want to divorce my husband at one time i did want to divorce him when my mom passed separated and he said he was hurt and he was praying to god for me to come back and convinced me to say married but i had other issues i was dealing with now i know i only love my husband .maybe he is saying divorce now because hes just hurt i was pushing him away but he should not have did what he did either but i do fear that this is it ,is there any turning around from this point.of couse im praying to god and having faith he will show up… again may god bless you and family allways.

  484.  #485Rori Raye on February 21, 2013 at 9:56 am

    ronda, Welcome, and I know the Tools in my programs will help you – and some private coaching would be amazing for you. I know you know that this is all about YOU, and undoing some of the ways you relate to the world and to your man, and learning new skills, new ways of thinking, new ways of speaking. BeLoved on this blog is also very devoted to her faith and might be able to help you in private conversation. She can perhaps steer you to a way to talk with her that’s not on this blog, where we stick to relationship issues and stay away from talking about faith. Love, Rori