Hysterical Saturday Night Live Take-Off On Relationship “Gurus”

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  1.  #1Turquoise on April 8, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I’m back. Thank you for all the support. Reading your comments to me on the previous threads helps. It’s amazing what the power of words can do to bring comfort to others. The funeral went well, was in my grandmother’s church, the one that my mother was raised in… and it’s simply stunning. I’m not a very religious person, but being surrounded by the statutes, paintings, vaulted ceiling, all the stained glass… the beauty of it all, the respect I felt towards those who do believe and cherish so strongly, their faith… was extremely comforting. I went back for mass yesterday and the sermon was on doubt. It felt perfect considering all that’s happened and my doubting my faith.

    In other news…. Mike2 came to the funeral home, at the same time Sweetheart was there. I felt akward.. and was relieved Mr. Conversation didn’t show up too. They have all been supportive, texting, calling, asking to help. Kind of nice. I’ve relied mostly on my family, but Sweetheart and I did spend most of Saturday together for a walk in the park, a movie and dinner. He has a car now so he picked me up, paid for everything, wanted me to feel taken care of and special. I could tell.

    With all that’s happened the past few weeks, I have very little interest in romance or dating right now. I did have a guy flirt with me at the gas station yesterday. It was kind of funny… made me smile. I know life will get back to “normal” eventually. I’m just glad I know how and practice taking care of myself. Eating well, sleeping, taking time alone when I need it, being social when I need that… all helps.

    I hope you are all well. I don’t have time to go back and catch up on everything the past 3 weeks, but I’ll do my best to get back into the conversation now. Take care!



  2.  #2IamHis on April 8, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Turquoise – I feel so bad, I know something really awful happened to you but I can’t recall the details, or somehow I missed them.

    Sounds like there was a death of some kind, and I am so sorry to hear that.

    Take care of yourself, as it sounds like you are…

    ((((((((((((Turquoise))))))))))))))



  3.  #3IamHis on April 8, 2013 at 1:46 pm


  4.  #4IamHis on April 8, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    “You show up at church. You show up at business and you treat him like a friend. You feel what you feel, which is longing and lust and horror and terror and anger, but you treat him like a friend and you do this without being false by saying to him these exact words. So, write these down.

    ‘I’m feeling uncomfortable being around you. I would like to cut this relationship off now and I know we can’t because I also don’t want to leave church or the gym or our business relationship and so, I only want to have a cordial businesslike relationship with you. I still shake whenever I’m around you. I still feel bad whenever I’m around you. I’d appreciate it if you would honor my feelings.'”



  5.  #5IamHis on April 8, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    “There’s only one thing happening. You are being driven by some kind of subconscious traumatic response that is trying to punish you and the only question and to get into a really basic spiritual way of looking at this.

    When you’re in a situation that is making you unhappy, the only place to go is to ask yourself – ‘Where am I not forgiving myself?'”

    I feel really teary…



  6.  #6FlowerChild77 on April 8, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    OMG! That was hilarious, Rori. Thanks for posting it. I needed a good chuckle =)



  7.  #7FlowerChild77 on April 8, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    The SNL skit…

    (((Turquoise))) <3 I started going back to church about 8 years ago. I am more of a 'progressive christian' but still have faith and really feel comfort and love in the traditions/rituals I was taught as a child. My ideas and beliefs have evolved over the years, but the church I attend doesn't require me to check my brain at the door. (I am a member of an Episcopal church that continues in Anglo-Catholic tradition.) I can't imagine my life without it. You've been in my thoughts and prayers…



  8.  #8Femininewoman on April 8, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Turquoise your memories of your mom are precious and they will always be with you.



  9.  #9seahorse on April 8, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Wooo hooo!!! Thankyou!!!!



  10.  #10seahorse on April 8, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    Iamhis, I am with you on this. It hurts but it’s going to be better. I used to close my eyes and ‘see’ love going to where it hurt inside, and then I saw the thing I was scared of and I sent light, the brightest light i could imagine, out and on to it. The light is love, I have an endless boundless infinity love. I can shine that light on and on and on. Love that thing that whatever it is you find that hurts and love the daylights out of it! Be SUPER IAMHIS with the power of LOVE!!!

    Sending out love to you Iamhis. Can you see it?



  11.  #11Linda on April 8, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    What a hoot!…. if I get desperate maybe I will try the sweater tip. LOL



  12.  #12Vi on April 8, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    ((((((((((Turquoise)))))))))



  13.  #13Syrena on April 8, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    I am his. What stood out to me about your words and is coming up a lot for me at the moment was the word HUMILIATION.

    I was attracted to your post and this stood out.

    I have noticed this before with certain words and certain areas I need to heal over. That a certain word and certain situations will repeat over and over until I process sink down into that feeling and see what comes up and what action I need to take to move forward and stop playing a part in what is coming up. When I do this I am able to make a shift and move forward.

    So for me I feel the need to process what I am doing, how am I playing a part in putting myself in humiliating situations.

    I know that this is what I need to work on at the moment to become unstuck and make a shift, move forward.

    The other things that resonated like I said before to seahorse was punishment and torture. Some situations do actually feel like a living hell to me.

    I believe



  14.  #14Syrena on April 8, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    I just had a flashback where I here my Father describing out family time as family torture instead of family fun.

    I don’t want family torture or any torture or pain any more. I want fun, laughter and love.



  15.  #15Linda on April 8, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    from the last thread

    Dominique… your insite and encouragement when you said…You will more likely to get what you are looking for by reinforcing the positive rather than focusing on what feels negative to you.

    Start with this first. I would also ask you to pay more attention to the details, HIS way of showing he cares and wants to be with you. This will shift your perspective.

    Earlier today I was reflecting on my relationship with FavoriteCD. I am feeling moved to express how much I appreciate so many of the little things he does that makes me feel special. Focusing on the positive (and there are many) is where my heart has been resting today. I have this overwhelming urge to gush feelings today. It feels a bit unprudent to gush. A part of me feels like I should be guarded and selft protective. I know this is affecting my vibe.

    I feel like sticking my toe out to test the water and then I also feel nervous at the thought of actually saying what I feel. Cotton mouth would be an accurate physical description at this moment. He has not given me one reason feel this way.. but I do.



  16.  #16Linda on April 8, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Staying connected to my feelings is has been the key to healing and growth and movement. This is profoundly sobering and exhilerating at the same time.



  17.  #17IamHis on April 8, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    (((((((((((((((Turquoise)))))))))))))
    (((((((seahorse)))))))

    I feel so relieved. took advantage of the free counseling I have available to me tonight.

    I love her. She knows “real life” me, reminds me of my good qualities, reassures me that I’m not crazy, and gives me tools to work on my obsessive thoughts.

    Had an all around great week night. 🙂



  18.  #18Linda G on April 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    The word for me is authentic, being and feeling authenic, and trusting myself as being good enough, and that my authentic self is enough



  19.  #19BeLoved on April 8, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Phone call received, date set.
    He totally appreciated me saying something about telephone contact, he said he had been using text as a crutch for far too long.
    I asked if he was willing to agree to call to meet in the future when he wanted to get together and he said yes, unequivocally. 😀
    Negotiation is so f*cking sexy!!!

    Off to bed and sweet cosmic tantric dreams….



  20.  #20Linda G on April 8, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    Fabulous, Beloved!



  21.  #21MovingMagic on April 8, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    Haha. Roris post is awesome. 🙂 I was triggered all over the place last week. So much has come up to heal. I’m still sitting in the tail end of the funkiness. Yikes. I feel like everything I’ve been working on within myself was in some way “tested”. Interestingly enough my intention for last week was on having faith in myself, abilities, love , & the universe. I ended up getting sick mid week & all systems were down. I found myself crying at one point. Just crying for me. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I’m feeling better today…something in me has shifted though & I’m not able to put a finger on it completely. I started rehearsal for a dance piece I’m in & my part is all stormy,sexy energy, whirling hips, vivid colors & exposed skin. I had so many compliments on my movement I was in awe. I feel like that’s where the shifting is starting…I saw a video of the rehearsal & was wowed. I’m beginning to truly own my gifts, expression, energy & power as a woman. I feel intrigued.



  22.  #22prplpsn28 on April 8, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Trying so hard to think of the positive things, but now it’s been 3 days since I’ve heard from him. Truly don’t understand why this happens. Especially since we’ve been together so long. Feeling frustrated and sad and disappointed and hurt. But I will not contact him. Will keep busy and make plans and not be available.



  23.  #23prplpsn28 on April 8, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    How does one know when everyone on here switches threads and comments under another post? I’m new at this.



  24.  #24Liquid Light on April 8, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    what does “NV” mean?



  25.  #25Libelula on April 8, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    Liquid Light – I’ve had the same question.
    As well as what is riffing?
    What is this “listening to level 2”?
    I’m making my way through all the videos, but haven’t heard these yet.



  26.  #26Indigo on April 8, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    Liquid Light & Libelula

    “NV” means “nasty voices”.

    prplpsn28

    I don’t know about everyone else, but I just go to the home page, and the most recent thread is at the top of the page.

    Is your guy’s lack of contact something new or unusual? Or has he pretty much always been like that?



  27.  #27Indigo on April 8, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    I am grateful for my ex-husband, and my mom, who yesterday talked to me as much as I needed to feel stronger and better.

    The relationship with D called attention to a very important aspect of myself that I need to look at and get better at, namely tolerating bad behavior and emotional abuse, from men.

    I desire, from out of all of this, to draw lines in the sand of things I will not tolerate. Ever again.

    There is so much I could write about, about the way this particular group of guys that I have been friends with, but am not any more, talks about women. The way they objectify and berate them, and speak about them purely as sexual objects and in terms of what they can get out of them, rather than as human beings. I don’t ever want a man like that, ever again.



  28.  #28Tereana on April 8, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    I had a feeling there was a new thread!

    Listening at level 2 is in the ebook, I believe…



  29.  #29Indigo on April 8, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    I am feeling very triggered by misogynistic behavior, as I have seen examples of it in the last few days, and it makes my blood run cold. I don’t ever want to be in the presence of it, and desire in future to run far away from men such as that.



  30.  #30Tereana on April 8, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    That video was hilarious!



  31.  #31Zia on April 8, 2013 at 11:19 pm

    I feel sad, us Australians can’t view the clip! Never mind 🙂



  32.  #32Heart on April 9, 2013 at 1:28 am

    Today…I woke up feeling sad & piney….it’s been 9 days since I wrote CudG & no word from him…he hasnt been active on Facebook…he just poofed. Poof ….completely….I was doing so well…living in the now. But the void started opening up…

    I feel like it wants to swallow me…
    It hurts…and a new friend wants to meet up…and its in his area…The last time I was there..it was with him.
    Meanwhile people from my past are just showing up….I feel I’ve regressed totally today.



  33.  #33Heart on April 9, 2013 at 2:17 am

    I sat with myself…I feel better, calmer now.
    I’ve made the mental decision to not beat myself up about aything….my little girl can feel sad about anything whenever she wants…



  34.  #34IamHis on April 9, 2013 at 4:29 am

    Syrena, I somehow missed your earlier comment. I’m glad what I wrote resonated with you. Thank you so much.



  35.  #35Mel on April 9, 2013 at 5:00 am

    Happy belated birthday FW!



  36.  #36prplpsn28 on April 9, 2013 at 5:00 am

    @ Indigo 26

    He has pretty much been like that but never more then 1 day. In the last few months it can be 2,3, or even 4 days at a time. Not always…but often. He did finally contact me late last night thru a text and he acted as if he was disappointed that he hadn’t heard from me. His response: “You didn’t let me know how the directions panned out” I had initiated contact on saturday only cuz I needed directions from him to an area that he was familiar with. After that I thought it best to wait for him. As we are told to do. No chasing. Was I wrong?



  37.  #37Mel on April 9, 2013 at 5:01 am

    ((((Turquoise)))) Sending love your way. ♥



  38.  #38Heart on April 9, 2013 at 5:35 am

    prp – Don’t fall for it…Men know when they have acted badly…now he’s trying to make it seem like it’s you fault you two didnt communicate. If it was me ….I would just say – hey I felt uncomfy to write u again…I felt like I would be bothering you or it doesn’t feel good to write again when I don’t get a response…



  39.  #39Heart on April 9, 2013 at 5:37 am

    Prp – btw Nothing you ever do with regards to a man is wrong. (((hug)))



  40.  #40Heart on April 9, 2013 at 5:37 am

    ((((Turquoise))))



  41.  #41Mel on April 9, 2013 at 5:38 am

    Liquid Light,

    In the last thread you had mentioned not being “thrilled” about any of your CDs and wondering how to navigate around this.

    My personal experience is that the CDs I felt “thrilled” about did not last. They kind of represented something I needed at the time (fun, novelty) but they never really stepped up for me.

    Rori has written lots about attraction; the men you feel instantly attracted to are often the ones that are all wrong for you. They are often unavailable (physically or emotionally), “bad” boys that live their lives in a way opposite to yours, not ready to commit, or otherwise just not a good fit.

    This is often because the girl herself is not sure what she wants, scared of getting hurt (again), or is subconsciously trying to correct some past “mistake” through this man. These things make her unavailable to real love, and so she attracts men that are equally unavailable. Attracted to men with whom it could never really “work”.

    And so I think this is why Rori advocates that women try to date at least 3 men. Likely one of them will be the “all wrong for you” sort that you feel quite attracted to, and the others will likely feel boring or dull, or brotherly… but you continue to date them all and see what happens.

    In my experience, the thrilling man in my rotation would start out with a bang. Fireworks, lots of initial time together, fun… then would quickly fizzle out; much like a real pyrotechnics display lasts only a short time.

    Then he would sort of poof into smoke and I would feel confused and annoyed. But the other few were still around, asking me out, treating me well…. if they were only not so BORING! lol

    And then a new fixation would enter my rotation, who would then fizzle out, and lo and behold… there were still those couple guys sticking it out. Surely I don’t want to lead them on… but they are being so patient… they know I am dating others but they’re still asking me out, treating me well…. hmmmmm….

    Then strangely enough, I stopped attracting those fire-works-y, bad-for-me, addictive men and started to really appreciate the men around me. One in particular, who once seemed to be unexciting suddenly became more interesting. He was actually quite witty… and very intelligent and super creative. I noticed his sparkly green eyes and his cute bum and handsome smile. I noticed how he treated me with such respect and kindness and manly protectiveness.

    He was there this whole time but I hadn’t noticed. He was patiently waiting… offering me more and more as he sensed me opening up little by little. And soon, before I realized it, he was taking up all of my free evenings. He booked me in advance and often. He basically made it impossible to date anyone else. Naturally, the others fell away because I had no more time for them.

    And this man is now my partner that still treats me like a queen. I’m glad I didn’t dismiss him because of a lack of instant chemistry. Because right now, I don’t think I could feel more attracted to him.



  42.  #42prplpsn28 on April 9, 2013 at 5:55 am

    @ Heart…thank you

    @ Mel…Seems like thats how it was with my guy. Instantly attracted to him. We’ve been together for nearly 19 months now tho. So I don’t know. Neither one of us is seeing anyone else. He has always seemed like a “stand up” guy. Everyone who knows him says so as well. He has told me to my face that he’s really not into seeing (dating) more then one person at a time. I just think he dwells too much on what happened with his ex wife and is afraid to go there again. That’s why I chose to try and use Rori’s tools. Maybe if I can change how I handle things and say things and change my vibe it will bring him closer. I’m hoping. I truely love him and everything about him. Even his quirks and things that can drive me nuts sometimes.



  43.  #43Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 5:59 am

    Hey beautiful, sweet Mel



  44.  #44Vi on April 9, 2013 at 6:01 am

    Mel, thank you very much for sharing your story. It makes me feel peaceful and hopeful.



  45.  #45BeLoved on April 9, 2013 at 6:08 am

    Rori – 41 by Mel should really really REALLY be it’s own post – Mel’s story is amazing and sosososososo helpful for me 🙂



  46.  #46Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 6:08 am

    prplpsn28 – I have not read Mel’s response as yet but I just wanted to tell you that I would not assume that he is behaving badly. It could be just that he is not yet gotten used to your way of being. I would let him know that “it doesn’t feel good chasing him by phine. It feels masculine. It feelts good to let you lead the communicating”.

    Another thing I would do maybe is to let him know that at times I feel so overwhelmed and drawn in by my daily work that it feels so soothing and relaxing to experience him calling you at night and sharing his sexy masculine voice with you. I would experiment if I were you as you don’t know if he is thinking that you might be losing attraction for him or if it is just that he is thinking about how to bring you full time into his life.

    This one I believed I saved from Mel:-

    “I know you have been busy and I don’t want to feel all demanding and high maintenance but I can feel this distance between us and that doesn’t feel good. I feel confused by it actually and sometimes that make me feel a bit shut down and wilted and I don’t want to feel that way with you”



  47.  #47BeLoved on April 9, 2013 at 6:10 am

    41

    Mel – this is so goooood!!! Thank you!!!
    Your post sort of gave me permission to let the fun and thrilling and novel ones be what I need at the time but don’t have to be forever guys, and the forever guy doesn’t have to happen right now, I’ll be ready when I’m ready for him 🙂



  48.  #48Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 6:13 am

    prplpsn28 – you are not wrong. I am also wondering if you two could discuss a contact schedule. A power struggle around phone calls is so not worth it when you have a good man who is committed. Communication could do the trick.



  49.  #49Mel on April 9, 2013 at 6:24 am

    Prplpsn28,

    Sounds like your guy is maybe just not “sure” about what he wants. That’s fair.

    The trap that Rori wants us to avoid is just “waiting” around for him to figure it out… Or even worse… assuming that if he’s not “sure” about us, that there must be something wrong with us… and the massive self-esteem drop / convincing / chasing behavior / overfunctioning that soon ensues.

    Giving him our precious love, our bodies, and attention without any assurance that he even wants the same things creates this dynamic.

    It’s completely fair that he’s not sure. It’s normal and okay.

    But that means that you are free to keep looking for someone that IS sure. You can still be completely open and warm when he comes toward you.

    But I wonder what would happen if when he is not there in front of you, you were to turn your attention elsewhere? Be open to the nice barista at the coffee shop. Flirt with the stranger that holds open the door for you. Live your beautiful life doing the things that make you feel joyful and smiley. Join clubs or Meetups if they have them in your area. Spend time with dear friends, go on a weekend getaway, accept lunch/coffee invitations with male friends as a start… or even dates if you are comfortable.

    Then suddenly your vibe will change. Suddenly you will start to feel “okay” no matter what.

    And he will sense that shift. He will know that YOU know you could do fine without him. He will see you glowing and happy and interested in life (not in him) and will feel intrigued. And YOU will start to look at your time and company and love as a gift that you don’t just give to anyone. Because it is precious and is reserved for the kind of men that step up and show you they are “sure.”

    And then it won’t matter if he’s “sure” or not because there will be a line-up of men that are. And it becomes ALL your choice. What do YOU want? Who do you want to spend time with today?

    Instead of becoming a “slave” to his lengthy decision process… you live your life and feel curious and open to whatever happens.

    You can surely do it! 🙂



  50.  #50Mel on April 9, 2013 at 6:33 am

    Prplpsn28,

    Also, I would say that the things you want to see more of, feel more of, or experience more of, are the things that you need to GUSH over when they happen.

    Men are not mind readers. But they do love to please women. So the next time he does call… Give him some melty gleeful feeling messages to let him know how it made you feel.

    I think a man is far more likely to respond to joyful appreciation and want to give us more than to an unhappy woman asking (demanding) more of something. I’m not saying that you are wrong in wanting more communication (or even that your are demanding), but it’s all in the approach.



  51.  #51Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 6:57 am

    Well…we signed our lease last night! I’m very excited! We will open a meditation and yoga studio in approximately 120 days. 🙂 Whoa! Things are about to get real…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  52.  #52Heart on April 9, 2013 at 7:24 am

    Oh Mercedes! I would love to take your yoga class…I feel happy reading your good news.



  53.  #53Heart on April 9, 2013 at 7:37 am

    My motto for this week is: Relax & be…I finding such peace
    but I’ve been shying away from people…I have been socializing and having fun…but lately I’ve been a little scared to be around people because sometimes when I’m out…strobg feelings of sadness & loss well up…I know I’m healing old hurts…but when I’m out with friends..and these things happen…I just need alone time…to feel & let it pass.

    I cancelled plans today because I was feeling Emotional.
    I ‘ve given myself the ok just be tomorrow as well.

    It’s been 11 months since I came on this blog…I think…
    And somehow I’m in the same situation (sorta) that I was in when I came on….Same song, different guy (in a sense)

    I know CudG was an improvement over Manboy but the ending is kinda the same…

    I feel Uncertain about all this…I feel a little bit defeated…
    I feel embarassed …I wonder what kind of Heart I’m going to se if I read old posts in old threads…
    I cringe at the thought…
    Mostly I wonder if I’m delusional….I keep thinking I’m climbing out of this abyss..but what if I’m still at the bottom and only imagining myself somewhere near the top…



  54.  #54Dominique on April 9, 2013 at 8:05 am

    Linda -15 – If you don’t feel comfortable voicing aloud how you feel, FEEL this instead. FEEL this in his presence. MELT. Men can be very sensitive to your energy. He will feel this even if he doesn’t know what it is he’s feeling. All he may realize is how good he”s feeling and how good it feels around you whether you’re together or talking on the phone or simply thinking of each other.

    xxoo



  55.  #55nme008 on April 9, 2013 at 8:17 am

    I went out Friday night with friends. Met one guy and gave him my number when asked. He’s been in contact everyday since. Really funny……taking me out Saturday night. Kinda excited but nervous about being excited.

    Hope everyone is doing well here.

    I want to ask him for a picture but don’t know how to ask without sounding like I totally forget what he looks like lol.



  56.  #56April Rose on April 9, 2013 at 8:39 am

    Hey Elsie,

    Are you still here?
    I feel worried that you’ve gone all quiet.
    I’m imagining myself as you, in a corner, licking my wounds because I’ve been ‘told off’.

    I understand that you thought this blog was about giving advice. And I have really enjoyed your postings, and felt inspired by the way you have incorporated the tools from the books you mention.

    I too love to get into a situation and want to fix it, especially with my girlfriends.
    Since working with Rori, I practice being in girl energy much more. It was hard at first to hold back from ‘helping’ others, but to me it feels much better to search my body for feelings and share those.

    Please carry on posting and sharing how your girl tools are working in your life. It feels inspiring to me.



  57.  #57Heart on April 9, 2013 at 8:42 am

    Elsie left? Why? eek



  58.  #58Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 8:49 am

    nme: that sounds like fun. excited for you!



  59.  #59Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Awww…Heart…thank you! In the beginning, I will not be teaching yoga but I will be hosting guided meditations. I will also most likely do some workshops and seminars but haven’t worked out details yet. For yoga, I plan to entice the best instructors to come work for me. 🙂 I expect this place to be amazing!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  60.  #60Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 9:01 am

    @mel

    Thanks for sharing your story. Very inspiring.

    I’m in a unique situation (or was). I had a thrilling, exciting, fun, sexy man that treated me like a queen and wanted to spend all of his time with me. But I didn’t appreciate it. It’s been 3 months since he broke up with me and now I really realize how sad I am without him.

    I’m not sure if there’s any hope for us or not, but meanwhile I’m dating. Lots of interesting men are surfacing (7!) and I went out with a couple of them last weekend (on separate dates – hahahahaha!)

    I’m not feeling that attracted to any of them at this point. I’m willing to keep dating them but what always inevitably happens is when they want it to become physical, and I’m not attracted, then the whole thing kinda fizzles out. I really don’t know if I could kiss someone I’m not attracted to…unless I was drunk hahahhahaha! the good news is that one of the guys really likes to drink! hahahhaha! (little concerned about that actually)



  61.  #61Indigo on April 9, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Heart,

    On those rare occasions when I wonder if things are improving for me (I know they are), I remind myself that 99% of the men we date are not going to turn into our husband, and that many women only meet the loves of their lives later in life, and are the better for it.

    I believe that having faith in the abundance and benevolence of life always brings you your heart’s desire… and for me, it always has 🙂



  62.  #62Rori Raye on April 9, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Thank you BeLoved – will do! Thank you, mel…! Love, Rori



  63.  #63Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 9:37 am

    “I’m imagining myself as you, in a corner, licking my wounds because I’ve been ‘told off’.”

    I am imagining a confident Elsie who is busy living her life and maybe caught up with work. I also was enjoying the comments.



  64.  #64Rori Raye on April 9, 2013 at 9:41 am

    Mel – I’m going to post your comment #41 as a post. If you’d like me to use any name other than Mel, please let me know (write Melanie@CoachRori.com) – otherwise – I’m so thrilled for you, you Rock! and thanks for writing this out for us…Love, Rori



  65.  #65Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 9:42 am

    ewww



  66.  #66Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 9:50 am

    ewww??? 🙂



  67.  #67Heart on April 9, 2013 at 9:51 am

    I feel confused by relationship advice…they all say different things…I just watched a video by Matthew Hussey (he is so hot btw…lol) and he said if you really like a guy u should just date him otherwise he’ll lose his attraction for you…



  68.  #68prplpsn28 on April 9, 2013 at 9:53 am

    @ Indigo 61

    Both my boyfriend and I are in our mid 40’s. I believe that qualifies as “late in life” lol. Could I have met the love of my life? btw…he sent me a text this morning to say “good morning”. Made me happy 🙂

    @ Mel…I’m finding it hard to flirt and/or date other men when we have been together so long (almost 19 months). I have managed to flirt a little when I’ve been out with friends without my boyfriend. But then I feel guilty later.

    @ Femininewoman…thanks also for your advise. Very helpful.



  69.  #69prplpsn28 on April 9, 2013 at 9:56 am

    @ Heart 67

    I agree with you. I find myself very confused lately.



  70.  #70Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 10:02 am

    The video in the article Mercedes. That was the feeling it elicited inside me.

    Congratulations on the opening of your center. I believe your passion will shine through and will attract a large clientele.



  71.  #71Emoticon on April 9, 2013 at 10:06 am

    I FEEL HAPPY TODAY!!….. not much has changed from yesterday. You know why I feel happy, because I realize I have been in not so pleasant situations before and I always ended up being okay afterwards. I will be okay!!…… based on my track record



  72.  #72Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 10:06 am

    Ahhh….FW….yeah…I got that ewwww feeling too…

    Thank you on the congrats! 🙂 I’m very excited and can’t wait til the doors finally open. Hopefully someday I will be able to work their full time and leave this corporate world behind. At least that’s how I’m feeling today. It might just be me needing a vacation. lol. No idea but I’m excited about this new chapter in our lives. I think J and I will have, if nothing else, lots of fun putting this all together.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  73.  #73Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Heart I am curious as to why you feel confused? Why wouldn’t they advise her to date the guy?
    Or maybe I should ask what is the root of the confusion?

    With regard to advice, some people say a woman should ask a man out. Others say don’t be the one to invite men out. I believe that all the advise works. It depends on the guy/the woman/the circumstance or context. It depends on what each person is looking for. Many are doing the total opposite of what Rori advises. The thing is what kind of relationship do they end up in, with what kind of man and how long does the relationship last? Each person have to decide what it is that they are looking for.



  74.  #74Heart on April 9, 2013 at 10:11 am

    #61 – Indigo – thank you…I always feel comforted by your words….

    But a little part of me….deep inside…hidden under all the Siren teachings…just
    wants
    him…

    And as much as I tell myself – He is clearly Not the guy for you! It’s over…

    That little part doesn’t believe it.
    I just miss him & it hurts..he just Did not respond to me..he left me just
    h
    a
    n
    g
    i
    n
    g

    And that part of me..is still hoping that he’ll show up
    & rescue me from the pain.



  75.  #75Heart on April 9, 2013 at 10:16 am

    #73 FW – I feel confused….some coaches say you should keep dating other ppl even when u find someone u likes….others say you shouldn’t and could ruin the connection.



  76.  #76Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Congratulations, Mercedes, that all sounds SO EXCITING!!! 🙂



  77.  #77Violette on April 9, 2013 at 10:17 am

    I feel a bit bewildered by how quiet dating has been, and I’ve been struggling to find passionate ways to fill my time, spending too much time alone. The volunteer organizations I want to work with…are saying I don’t qualify for whatever reasons, and I feel helpless. I don’t want to feel this way. It keeps images of past cd’s floating around in my head and I want to move on.

    I’m throwing myself into the activities of my day. I do have a party I’m going to this weekend. Maybe I’ll start going to a park to read, and make myself leave the house more…



  78.  #78Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 10:23 am

    prplpsn – Do you get Rori’s emails. Here is a cut and paste from one that might help you.

    Making Him Fall For The Real You
    Here’s what I want to give you to help you with this…it’s a sort of a “view” of your life that can help you STAY “in-balance” no matter what’s going on around you.

    It’s SO easy to get extra sensitive when your picture of things gets “small.”

    It can make you feel like you have to balance two extremes – either being “weak” or a “bi!tch.”

    And we’ve seen out there in the world how easy it is to get “labeled” as a “doormat” or a “bit!ch” (ever happened to you?) – and we’ve been totally confused with the idea that men LIKE “bitch!es.”

    Men don’t really like “bit!ches,” they like women who are REAL – so let’s see how you can find a way to WEAVE these two extremes into your life so that you can embrace BOTH your “weakness” and your “bitc!hiness” and still find a sense of peace, calm, strength and emotional softness somewhere in the middle.

    What To Say When You Want More From Him
    Let’s say you want something from your man – like more attention or affection or time, but he’s being distant and preoccupied.

    Let’s say you’re feeling irritated and angry, and frightened that something’s going wrong in the relationship.

    If you’re in this situation now, or if you’ve ever been here, are you feeling that if you don’t speak up and ask for what you want you’re “weak,” and if you DO speak up and ask for what you want you’ll end up a “bit!ch”?

    So, first do this: Make quick, everlasting and final PEACE with yourself – that WHATEVER you do or say, you will be okay with yourself, forgive yourself, and learn from the experience. This sets you up to SUCCEED, and will help you with the fear.

    Now we’re going to do a “Translation” kind of “scripting” that will help you feel stronger:

    Get a piece of paper and pencil ready – with a line drawn down the middle from top to bottom (the standard “Translations” page)
    Breathe into your belly – let go of all your muscles in your belly and pelvis, let it all hang out…
    On the paper, on the left side of the middle line, write down what you WANT to say to a man. Take as many pieces of paper as you need, but stick to the left side of the paper.
    Now, look for “judgment”
    Take a look at what you’ve written. CATCH yourself JUDGING yourself about every line, and CATCH whatever feeling each line brings up in you – anger, frustration, fear, a smile (some of it might be really funny and make you laugh!)
    Now Really Go For Broke
    Some of what you’ve written will seem weak and doormat-like to you, and some of it will seem dramatic and bit!chy to you.
    That’s great. Let it be “emotional.” If you want to attack, attack. If you want to “whine,” whine. Write down what you want to say about how you feel about each line you’ve already written!
    Notice if you’ve tried to be “reasonable.” If what you’ve written seems very “business-like” or there’s a lot of “explaining” or “convincing” or “telling” in there… really open up… Keep writing until you feel like you’ve said everything you really want to say
    Translate:
    You’re going to take the judgment, the attack, the hurt, the complaint, the explanations, and you’re going to translate them into Feeling Messages that will make up your “script” or “speech” you’ll “deliver” to a man.
    You can learn exactly how to do this step by step and follow along with real-time demonstrations with real women onstage with me in my Love Scripts program – for now simply use the words “I feel,” or “I’m feeling” in every single sentence and completely cross out and do not use the word YOU).
    Just doing this small writing exercise instead of trying to talk to your man from either of the doormat/b!itch extremes will make a HUGE difference for you.

    2 Steps To Speaking From Your Heart… And Connecting With His
    The act of writing this down will make it crystal clear to you how you think, and how you normally, instinctively express yourself – and you’ll instantly SEE exactly why that isn’t working for you!

    And then, as you actually SPEAK the words of the script you’ve created from the Feeling Messages you’ve written on the right side of your paper – you’ll see INSTANTLY exactly why and HOW my method really does work!



  79.  #79Heart on April 9, 2013 at 10:26 am

    Should I unfriend CudG?



  80.  #80Heart on April 9, 2013 at 10:32 am

    It doesn’t mattter if u do the right thing or the wrong thing…

    give, take, lean back, learn forward, cha cha, do the rock away, pine, get strong inside outside whatever….they Poof anyway…



  81.  #81Heart on April 9, 2013 at 10:36 am

    Why on earth did I send CudG that feeling message email after he asked me out….Face palm..
    why on earth did I stand him up & then spend 2 months “Processing” on here…while no one gave any Practical insight….When any bum on the street could tell me that the giy wasn’t contacting u cuz u cancelled on him at last minute….
    Sometimes this place feels like a relationship ivory tower…



  82.  #82Indigo on April 9, 2013 at 10:51 am

    Heart 74

    I am intimately familiar with that feeling. I am healing from it myself.

    Bear in mind that there are women who hold on for years – when we set down emotional roots they go deep – yes years, many many women…

    The thing is, we have a choice about that… Do we continue to spend our time pining for someone who is not showing up? Or do we go through the agony, and heal and move forward?

    (I am talking very much to myself here, as well as you 🙂 )



  83.  #83Heart on April 9, 2013 at 10:57 am

    Indigo – I really want to move forward….Why can’t I just let go of this man? I want to just snap my fingers and have it just disappear….
    The truth is…I moved on from the guy I was into whenI first came on here and keeping him on my horse & throwing him off worked…but it took months….And then I transfered all the crazy to CudG.

    I want to heal the crazy…lol…I don’t want to transfer it to another guy and continue the cycle…



  84.  #84Indigo on April 9, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Just the other day, my best friend, who is about one of the strongest, most sensible, no bs, calmly together women I know, was telling me about her ex who cheated on her repeatedly and went out drinking till the early hours of the morning 3 or 4 times a week. He was out drinking the night she went into labour with their son. She stayed with this guy for 8 years!

    She tells the story so calmly, and with no self-reproach, and I think, wow, the things that some women endure because their attachment is too deep and they are too afraid to leave; and then when you know better, you do better for yourself.

    It made me feel so connected to women everywhere, and it made me feel so normal, and I thought, I will be ok.



  85.  #85Indigo on April 9, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Heart

    Embrace the crazy, love the crazy, and let it be what it is, and move forward one step at a time. The fact that you are still stuck on this guy does not make you defective, it makes you a feeling human being.

    My mom had a great suggestion: give yourself 3 months or 6, or whatever, mark the day on the calendar, and let yourself fall apart till then. And then on that day, pick yourself up and move on.



  86.  #86Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 11:05 am

    All I know is that it is so important to KNOW your truth, FEEL your truth, and SPEAK your truth from your heart.

    Cuz that’s really all there is.

    Holy ****!!! This feels f****** amazing!!!!



  87.  #87BeLoved on April 9, 2013 at 11:08 am

    82

    Heart, I’m wondering if the alleged crazy isn’t a cover for difficult feelings of rage and shame? What are you feeling deep down?



  88.  #88Heart on April 9, 2013 at 11:13 am

    Indigo – awesome advice. I might do that….but I think the real change starts happening…When you Make the decision to really get over the person…

    Last year with Manboy..I made that decision..I even had the internet off my phone..I travelled etc etc…but I really did want to get over the Imaginary relationship & find love.

    I’m not ready to let go of CudG yet…all my attempts are really Fake in the sense that I’m just doing it to change up my ibe in hopes to reattract him….Ewwwyou.

    I’m not at the omg-i really-want-love-and-a-good-life stage….yoy can’t fake that…After some time I’ll get bored and naturally start Wanting something/someone else…



  89.  #89Indigo on April 9, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Heart 87

    Great 🙂 At least you know where you are, and all change starts with awareness.

    For me the change and healing has been slow, and at exactly the pace that I could handle. And so it is.



  90.  #90BeLoved on April 9, 2013 at 11:19 am

    79

    “It doesn’t mattter if u do the right thing or the wrong thing…

    give, take, lean back, learn forward, cha cha, do the rock away, pine, get strong inside outside whatever….they Poof anyway…”

    It doesn’t mattter if u do the right thing or the wrong thing…

    give, take, lean back, learn forward, cha cha, do the rock away, pine, get strong inside outside whatever….the right one stays anyway…



  91.  #91Heart on April 9, 2013 at 11:19 am

    Manboy did return …a few times on FB…liking my pictures, commenting..even sharing my pic on his FB…Why did I even like him? lol…I was no longer attracted or interested in his internet game….CudG was a vast improvement…he did all the work & dating him was enjoyable & then he poofed.

    Thing is, looking back, I learned a lot from that dating experiennce….and got over some of my fear of intimacy.

    Unfortunately I need more time to pass in order for me to fully accept that he has poofed…It sucks…but that’s what happens when a guy just Poofs…



  92.  #92Mel on April 9, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Prplpsn28 – “I’m finding it hard to flirt and/or date other men when we have been together so long (almost 19 months). I have managed to flirt a little when I’ve been out with friends without my boyfriend. But then I feel guilty later.”

    CD yourself! 🙂 Just find something other than him to focus on. Create the most fun and interesting life possible for yourself.

    @ Liquid Light – “I’m not feeling that attracted to any of them at this point. I’m willing to keep dating them but what always inevitably happens is when they want it to become physical, and I’m not attracted, then the whole thing kinda fizzles out. I really don’t know if I could kiss someone I’m not attracted to…”

    Ha ha! Daria convinced me (love ya girl!) to try kissing them anyway. I mean if they make you feel repulsed or something, don’t. But if you just sort of feel indifferent what have you got to lose?

    Also, good men aren’t scared away when you take your time with intimacy. Just use feeling messages and tell them you’re not feeling ready yet.



  93.  #93seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Good morning

    I feel joy for all that I read. Congratulations Mercedes! I feel daunted when i think of the journey ahead. One step at a time. I feel hesitant and scared of cding. That was hard to write. It feels really warm and secure reading Mel. I feel shakey. I know what triggered me. I love that I am asking for what i need. Warm loving light on myself, breathing. I am worth it. and I will ask for I need and want. When does the loving the asking part start? I am feeling very curious and impatient around that…………. I love all of me.

    When you know better, you do better, Thank you Indigo



  94.  #94Mel on April 9, 2013 at 11:23 am

    I feel flattered Rori! 🙂



  95.  #95IamHis on April 9, 2013 at 11:26 am

    @80 ((((Heart)))) – I sometimes wonder if the world of emotions is indeed a relationship ivory tower.

    but can you look at that in a good way?

    Men cherish that we open these whole new worlds up to them.

    also, it feels bad to see you beating yourself up over standing this guy up. I can’t remember reading “why” you stood him up, but a HUGE part of relationships is forgiveness.

    Do you really want a guy who would throw the PRIZE THAT YOU ARE away because “you stood him up” one lousy time?

    It was human. and it is forgiveable. especially if he care(d) (s).

    Emily Maynard totally disrespected Brad Womack on the Bachelor by not “trusting” him with being ready to be a father-figure, and he still proposed to her, because enough love was there.

    It’s worth waiting for. I think. I hope! 🙂

    You’re a lot like me in that you get too caught up in details. Trial, error, and finally succeeding in being authentic and comfortable and expressive and feminine and completely YOU! That’s what’s going to attract your dream guy.

    You can do it!

    😀



  96.  #96Heart on April 9, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Beloved – hmmm I don’t want a guy who would stay with a woman that treats him badly….Just because he’s staying doesn’t make him the “right one” imo….it just makes him the guy that’s staying…not so?

    what ever happened to loving a guy not for how he makes u feel …but for the guy himself..you know…outside the energy exchange and the relationship dynamic…



  97.  #97Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 11:32 am

    “Ha ha! Daria convinced me (love ya girl!) to try kissing them anyway. I mean if they make you feel repulsed or something, don’t. But if you just sort of feel indifferent what have you got to lose?”

    Wow, wow, and WOW!! I have never even considered this before unless, like I said, I was drunk. haha!

    Something to consider I guess but that would be really hard for me. I dunno if I could actually do it…

    I really like this:
    “Also, good men aren’t scared away when you take your time with intimacy. Just use feeling messages and tell them you’re not feeling ready yet.”

    Thanks Mel!



  98.  #98Mel on April 9, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Liquid Light,

    LOL… I remember the first time I kissed my man, it was this kinda sassy kiss on his cheek when he was dropping me off. I think I even said “Muah!” Then I flashed a playful smile. I remember him getting this huge smile on his face and looking at me all bewildered… he just said “bye………” kinda dreamily. 😉 It felt awesome even though at the time I wasn’t feeling all that interested.



  99.  #99Heart on April 9, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Omg – CudG just made a post on FB …super weird…he has never ever made a post at this time of night…but this is when I usually post…I know…Im trying to make this out like he is interested in me still…even though everything about his behavior says otherwise…

    Regardless…I feel shocked…& happy to see some activity from him..
    yes…I need mental help…



  100.  #100Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Thank you ladies for all the support! I’m so excited and happy but realizing each day how much I don’t know and how much I have to do in a short amount of time. Scared…

    Heart: “what ever happened to loving a guy not for how he makes u feel …but for the guy himself..you know…outside the energy exchange and the relationship dynamic…” – For me, this is very, very hard. I did love a man who didn’t make me feel all that good. Since he wasn’t inspired to make me feel good, I found out years later that he wasn’t really in love with me. I loved HIM, but it wasn’t returned. Loving a man who makes you feel good is very, very important. I still “love” my ex for who he is and I’m grateful that he is the father of my children, but I’m extremely happy that he is no longer my husband and we are both free to have a love that goes both ways and to be with people who make us feel amazing…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  101.  #101Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 11:52 am

    “looking at me all bewildered… he just said “bye………” kinda dreamily.”

    Awhhh, Mel, that is so cute and SO SWEEEETTT!!! Love that first kiss story! 🙂



  102.  #102Heart on April 9, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Mercedes – But – you did love him right? So love isn’t soley determined by how-someone-makes-you-feel right?
    It can exit outside the energy exchange?

    The way this all comes across is that we are all hating ourselves if we love someone who doesn’t give us the relatiobship we want….or it’s not real love…or he’s not a good man….

    Some men are inspiring & charismatic…we don’t fall in love w8th a relationship..& we don’t fall in love with ourselves in the presence of someone Soley….Actually loving the person outside of all that is Important too… I guess what I’m saying is you need all 3 ….Otherwise you lying to yourself and just settling for a man that can give you a secure happy life.



  103.  #103IamHis on April 9, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    thought question: can a man love a woman who tells him the truth? like, what he is doing is not cool?

    or if you ever imply that anything he’s doing is less than ideal, is it just doomed, because men simply can’t handle hearing that they are not the most amazing, perfect, manly creatures on the planet?

    Ideally, we will believe this of him. but he will have moments where he will not “live up to his potential” if you will.

    We, as women, will have moments when we are “less than loveable.” We might need to be told that we are being disrespectful or unreasonable in a loving way.

    I just feel curious because sometimes it feels like women are taught to “make the man feel like he never does anything less than exactly what he is supposed to/could do/should do/aspire to.

    It feels good to me to imagine that a man would want to be with a woman who would “call him out on his crap,” if you will, and inspire him to be a better man.

    I know I want a man who will respectfully “stand up to me” when I’m not being the best woman he knows I am.

    but I’m feeling like men are more sensitive to “constructive criticism” or something?

    like if you ever “make a man wrong” it’s doomed, done, finito?

    seems silly to me…

    A man can “put a woman in her place” and be respected for it, but if a woman dare speak her mind…

    am I making sense?

    I think it’s absolutely important for mutual respect to be shown between both parties.

    I think I just feel triggered when I read “don’t make a man wrong.”

    Newsflash: sometimes men are wrong.
    Sometimes women are wrong too.

    Relationships are the place where we help each other become better people…

    that’s my theory, coming from the girl who has never been in one…



  104.  #104Heart on April 9, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    I can’t believe what was once an active connection has now been reduced to – omg he showed up on FB…
    *face palm*
    I need therapy…and a life.



  105.  #105seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    I feel disjointed and jangly. New word but it suits. Jingling bells bouncing and not sounding good to my ears. Jangly. I love you my bells. I feel confused that my computer ate the previous post. Writing is taking longer today. I feel hate at learning disabilities. Ohhhhhhhh i Feel impatient. In my neck tightening like a vice to make it worse!!! Breathing and at the beach breathing in the salty air and outside feels so good. I love that I learn differently. I am smart. I am open and lovely. breathe down low and let go

    It felt really quiet and peaceful reading. Congratulations Mercedes and Mel it felt good reading you and about your journey. Thank you

    I need a bath with bubbles It will feel really peaceful. I feel a funny because the thought after that was i must be the squeaky cleanest siren around I take so many baths.hahahahahahahaah that laugh felt good



  106.  #106Heart on April 9, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    Why was he gone so long? And how come he made a post at such an odd hour…
    Omg….maybe he started doing drugs
    The mysteries of Cuddleygrinch with your host, Heart.



  107.  #107Heart on April 9, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    oh wait…let me check…yup…still not writing me..
    I hate the way my heart skips a beat when you show up on FB..and I love the way…and I hate loving the way..and I love hatr loving the way…

    I use to be a siren…when did u become the prize…



  108.  #108Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    “The mysteries of Cuddleygrinch with your host, Heart.”

    Hahahaha Heart! 🙂

    Your mind is running away with you and you are jumping to some probably inaccurate conclusions.

    why don’t you ask HIM “why he was gone so long?”



  109.  #109Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    …unless you don’t feel comfortable with that, Heart, but just throwing it out there as a possibility 🙂



  110.  #110Heart on April 9, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Liquid – as u mad…No way! *runs and hides*
    😛



  111.  #111seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    “Love that goes both ways” I feel ease in my center reading that



  112.  #112Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Heart: “Mercedes – But – you did love him right? So love isn’t soley determined by how-someone-makes-you-feel right?
    It can exit outside the energy exchange?” –

    Yes…I did…but was that real love? Does real love ever go just one way with no return flow? I don’t know. What I DO know is that the love I share with J…a love that is given freely with no hopes or expectations associated with it …and the love I have the blessing to RECEIVE from him is far, far beyond any love I have ever experienced in my life.

    For me, anything less would be settling for someone who isn’t perfect for me (which I have done). I don’t know if I love J outside of that or if I will ever have to. Everything about him relates to “us” in my mind. Everything I love about him translates into how and who he IS within our dynamic.

    I agree that you have to love a person in more than one aspect. It is important to love someone for who they are and how they relate to others, their morals and values, their beliefs and dreams…them as a whole. BUT…I think it’s unbelievably critical to pay very close attention to how you FEEL when you are with him…how you FEEL when you are away from him…how you FEEL when you see him relate to others.

    On a side note: I loved my ex. Love isn’t something we have a lot of control over. I’ve counseled countless women who “love” the man who beats them. They “love” the man who cheats on them. They “love” the man who leaves them. The key for me is…do you LIKE this man and are you IN LOVE with him…just the way he is. Do you LOVE him regardless of how he makes you feel? Maybe. Do you LIKE him regardless of how he makes you feel? Probably not. How important is it for you to LIKE the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with? For me, after lessons learned, it is VERY important.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  113.  #113Heart on April 9, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    I feel psyched…because this was how I used to feel about Manboy’s FB activity…and it was usually a feeling of Reality Check..and it feels good & healthy….like meh.
    He isn’t writing me…none of his masculine energy is coming towards me…he’s not interested…And it feels good Believing that! I feel Meh!

    But when I dont have that Reality Check …I feel uncertain…It’s so Easy to stop liking a guy when your convinced he isnt interested!

    But then U return to imaginary land…and somewhere subconsciously your convinced that you still have a connection…and a secret part of you hopes…

    That’s why I think remain hung up…



  114.  #114Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    IamHis: I think you can stand up to a man without “making him wrong”. I think they can do the same for us. J and I have a saying that we promise to be the first person to knock each other off our pedestals when we need it. But…we do it with love and with maybe a sort of “lesson” or “aha moment provided”. We don’t do it with anger or resentment or a power struggle or with hurt. Does that make any sense?

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  115.  #115Libelula on April 9, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    I’m now starting Love Scripts for Relationships. Last time I tried to write how I was feeling, he got upset that I was “complaining about him,” when I was just trying to let him know how I felt bad when he did something in particular.

    I hope this helps



  116.  #116IamHis on April 9, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    @113 Mercedes – Thank you! That totally makes sense.



  117.  #117Turquoise on April 9, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Thank you for all the hugs and kind words. It’s really painful knowing I won’t get to talk to my mom or spend time with her, yet I’m comforted by all the years we had and memories made. My reality is changing…. it will take time.

    I’m not sleeping well, hopefully that changes soon. I’ve missed a lot of work the past 6 weeks with my girls being sick and then my mom in the hospital and her funeral…. so money is tight. IT’s a stress I wish I didn’t have to worry about. IT’s encouraging me to be a better saver and planner, as we don’t know what can happen in life.

    A few friends have sent me gift cards to go out to eat, another sent a music box…. very special. It does feel good to know others care about me, just for being me.

    Sweetheart is coming over tonight and we are having a cookout. The weather if FINALLY nice here in Pittsburgh, and the sunshine, feels like nectar for my soul. It’s helping. He has been very attentive, really trying to make me happy. I’m letting him be good to me, yet only doing what feels good for me too.

    My ex, C…. was very attentive the last few weeks, calling and texting to see how my mom was, offering his support and concern. When I saw him in person, it was quite brief and there were other people there… so no worries about him being flirty or opening up that part of our relationship again. In the past, tragedy has been an open door. Even though nothing is happening physically with us… he’s really trying to help me. He wants to refinance the house, my car, paid for an XM Radio subscription and just bought the girls and I amusement park passes for the summer. I thanked him for always being so good to me, going beyond what I imagine many ex’s would do… yet I know I’m a great mom, family member, and am good to him too. He still takes care of me, and while last summer it made me feel strange, worried that it might be a control type thing… now, I just feel awed and accepting and relieved…. that even though I am a single parent, I’m not on my own.



  118.  #118Turquoise on April 9, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    Happy Birthday FW! I hope it’s wonderful!

    Mercedes, Congratulations… wow, very exciting. I’m happy for you!

    Welcome to the newbies. I’m usually much more upbeat, I look forward to getting to know you!

    Heart, seems like I missed a lot…. I’m sorry. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs!

    Mel, always so nice to see you here. Glad you are so happy!

    Daria, your advice, I’m sorry I don’t remember exactly what it was about or who it was addressed to, but you were worried it would be taken the wrong way, I thought you made a lot of sense and could tell you were sharing because you care!

    Iamhis… you sound like you are in a really good place. 🙂



  119.  #119Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Prplpsn. Do you get Rori’s emails? I tried posting the current one for you but it went into moderation



  120.  #120seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    Mercedes- Reading about yourself and J feels feels warm and I feel hope. I read something thats said “Be the love you want to receive”. I feel overwhelmed by that. like OMG, I have so much work to do, followed by,slow down and what “expectations do you have for yourself that you want to have in a man. Then the list of non negotiables and …………………… I feel scared now. I can’t get my ex to sit or talk on the phone or text about the divorce. My laywer din’t have much luck either. Where did you start? I ask for understanding as this feels hard. It feels like a baby step. Thank you



  121.  #121seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Thank you Rori for the guidelines. It does feel safe to have them.



  122.  #122seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Seahorse- Please don’t eat sugar anymore. I love me



  123.  #123Heart on April 9, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Turquoise – you did miss anything and that’s the sad part…just on here….Singing my same ole song…I hope your doing ok.

    Mercedes – I feel like we are saying the same thing…Sortof. O guess it’s just difficult for me to relate to your relationship with J. I guess I just can’t imagine not loving/know how I feel about someone outside the dynamic…Still I’m happy you’re happy.



  124.  #124Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Searhorse: I’m so sorry…divorce is hard no matter where you are in the process. 🙁 For me, I didn’t start. He served me with papers and I didn’t fight it.

    Maybe your ex needs some time to deal with things on his own, quietly, before he can discuss it. I know some men need this. Just time. Alone to process.

    I don’t know how long it’s been for you, but I would encourage you to give this man a little time and space. He will be ready to talk about it sooner rather than later most likely. But again…men rarely do things on OUR timeline…and we’re rarely comfortable with theirs.

    My heart goes out to you so much!

    I do want to thank you for your support of me. It feels really, really good to have so many women so happy and supportive of me. As I said, I wish you all lived right here so you could come over…

    As far as love…the more you love yourself…the more you are the person you would want to love…the more love you pour out and radiate from your being…the more likely it is someone else can see themselves loving you. It all comes back to us eventually. If we heal ourselves and love ourselves, we will attract love. Maybe it doesn’t always work this way, but many times, being love and radiating love attracts love. If you must radiate love to attract love, what better person to radiate it to than yourself?

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  125.  #125Mercedes on April 9, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Heart: I was thinking that as I was writing earlier too: “I think we’re saying the same thing”. lol. For us, it is a matter of us being “us” all the time. He is the J I know when he’s out in the world as much as he is the J I know when he is in our relationship. I know no other J. 🙂 If he is a different person than the one I know…the one who is in this relationship with me…when I’m not around…well…I guess I would have to see that in action to know if I would feel any different about him.

    From all accounts though…from everything his co-workers and friends say about him when I can’t be there…he is my J…the one I know and love…at all times… and that is the same J that is in a relationship with me. He makes me feel good even when we aren’t together because I feel his love across the miles.

    I’m rambling now. I think we do see things very much the same way. I think we struggle typing a few paragraphs out and making this into a good discussion. I think we need to have a glass of wine or a cup of coffee together so we can really enjoy the full depth of what we’re saying here. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  126.  #126prplpsn28 on April 9, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    @ Femininewoman 118

    Yes I do. Is the one your referring to the one she sent today “Ask For What You Need AND Bring Him Closer” ?



  127.  #127Libelula on April 9, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    FW – 188 Your message made me realize I haven’t received a newsletter in quite awhile. I didn’t unsubscribe. Could there be another reason why I don’t receive them anymore? This feels perplexing.



  128.  #128April Rose on April 9, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    “And he will sense that shift. He will know that YOU know you could do fine without him. He will see you glowing and happy and interested in life (not in him) and will feel intrigued. And YOU will start to look at your time and company and love as a gift that you don’t just give to anyone. Because it is precious and is reserved for the kind of men that step up and show you they are “sure.”

    Mel, I LOVE this 🙂



  129.  #129Heart on April 9, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    lol Mercedes ….hmm I guess what I’m saying is…Hmmm thibk of a man you admire & feel attracted too…maybe a musician & activist etc etc ( this is not exactly what I mean but it is close to my point) ….any man you consider a hero or col or whatever…

    You love & admire that man even though you’re not in a relationship right? He doesnt even know you exist lol…but there is a sense of heroism to him that u like & find sexy.
    I’m just saying I think you should adore/admire the man outside of the energy exchange or how he treats you etc

    And that’s all. See for me being with a guy that can give u the relationship u want + intimacy isn’t enough…those 2 things are incredibly important…But that 3rd factor is necessary.



  130.  #130Heart on April 9, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    Anyway – Should I unfriend CudG?

    Rori is right…it’s like I’m a junkie looking for a fix..
    and in this case Facebook is the supplier…
    I don’t know if I can deal with the withdrawal though…
    I think it helps me more than hinders me…
    but i could be wrong…



  131.  #131Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Personally, I never friend anyone that I am romantically involved with. It just has the potential to get messy…



  132.  #132Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    Heart, but now that you are already friends, if you unfriend him, you can’t “undo” it…



  133.  #133Linda on April 9, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    I have been reading the posts here with interest, I always run across some pretty great stuff.

    I feel in awe of the great feeling messages and insight that are offered. I feel small and inept in using verbalizing feeling messages. It is such a challenge for me. THank you Dominique for suggesting that I FEEL my feelings around FavoriteCD. What a brilliant suggestion. I can do that!

    I feel frustrated today though. FavoriteCD man caved it yesterday – and is doing it again today. It triggers insecurity and anger in me. I feel shelved and non-priority to him. My last relationship felt like this all the time and was due to the fact that he actually did not care about me at all. This is trigger city for me. We have discussed all this,he even acknowledged my feelings and said “point taken”, but nothing has changed.

    I feel stuck, triggered and fearful to express discontent again. Which by the way concerns me most because it is self inflicted. There has to be a way beyond. I have not even had a chance to FEEL or invite and inspire (use any of the great suggestions many of you have given me) yet.

    I do know one thing for sure. I CANNOT live with a relationship where free flowing communication is absent period. It is simply NOT what I want. I wont settle it is too important to me.

    I wanted to



  134.  #134ALA on April 9, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    Heart- your comments are helpful to me. I feel ‘stuck’ on D. He’s posted a lot lately and I feel triggers galore. It may be helpful for me to block him again, I dunno. LL is right de-friending is permanent. There are other options, to block in your security settings or just block all posts that come up in your feed.

    Mercedes – what you said feels good, soothing, calming. I c&p’ed it for a reminder to me…

    “It is important to love someone for who they are and how they relate to others, their morals and values, their beliefs and dreams…them as a whole. BUT…I think it’s unbelievably critical to pay very close attention to how you FEEL when you are with him…how you FEEL when you are away from him…how you FEEL when you see him relate to others.

    On a side note: I loved my ex. Love isn’t something we have a lot of control over. I’ve counseled countless women who “love” the man who beats them. They “love” the man who cheats on them. They “love” the man who leaves them. The key for me is…do you LIKE this man and are you IN LOVE with him…just the way he is. Do you LOVE him regardless of how he makes you feel? Maybe. Do you LIKE him regardless of how he makes you feel? Probably not. How important is it for you to LIKE the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with? For me, after lessons learned, it is VERY important.”

    Congrats on your signing!!! So very happy for you. 😀



  135.  #135Linda on April 9, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    Heart.. I have been reading your posts… I have been wanting to ask if you have given any serious thought to picturing what your life would feel and be like without remaining open to or pining after a relationship that is not giving you what you want.

    I had that going on in my life for 5 years and finally one day I told myself… this is NO way for me to live. I flipped the switch, closed the door to my life to it and stopped. When I make up my mind and close a door it is final, it just took me a long time to get to that point. When I did everything shifted.

    I have empathy for you and how you are feeling and because of it.. reading your posts. …I am sitting on the sidelines here cheering and rooting for you to let go. (hugs)



  136.  #136Linda on April 9, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    Heart… unfriend him? Absolutely! (just sayin’)



  137.  #137Linda on April 9, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    I dont like my unhealthy fear, it affords me a shelter were excuses live that hinder me. I dont want to feed anything in my life does that.



  138.  #138Heart on April 9, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    Make him fall for you….

    but
    if he doesn’t
    he wasnt the right man…
    lol
    oh…and by the way..The right man wouldn’t leave you…You can’t do the wrong thing with the right man
    so you don’t need to even do anything to make him fall for you…
    Um…kay…so why do i need to buy your program again?



  139.  #139Heart on April 9, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Linda – thank you for the support & encouragement…I don’t know why I’m still here…I feel like if he just Responding to me or said something I could move on…at least I would have gotten some closure…I know Rori says u don’t need closure & that’s true…But when someone just leaves u hanging it takes a few weeks or more to realize its over…Especially if u were trying to practice choosing trust…Now u need to do a total mind flip & instead Choose Move On.



  140.  #140Heart on April 9, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    I let myself be vulnerable …I used an Fm & asked him what hw thought…and it Blew up in my face…He withdrew completely! This doesn’t make a man fall for u…
    And it’s easy to say – oh he wasnt the guy for you but that’s a cold comfort when you’re walkiing around with no cuddlygrinch to snuggle with….



  141.  #141Heart on April 9, 2013 at 4:55 pm

    and then 12 days later he shows up liking my fB photo…
    Wtf…and he’s still not responding…
    and I want to move on..but its hard..When u mind is like Why?
    Wtf?



  142.  #142Heart on April 9, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    These things don’t always bring a man close…sometimes they scare good men away…
    It freaks em out!
    It does….I can’t be the only one that wonder this sometimes…



  143.  #143Liquid Light on April 9, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    Heart, 12 days is not that long…maybe just give him some more time to see what he does and in the meantime, date other men…?



  144.  #144Heart on April 9, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    Linda – all in all it’s been a month since my FM message response to his request to see me…After he showed up on my facebook …I wrote him asking him how he was doing and he hasnt responded …that was 10 days ago. He went awol of Fb for 8 days & then showed up today.
    But he has made no attempt to contact me .other than the fb thing..& he has never showed up on my fb before…

    Also…I was suppose to be relocating…but i didnt..



  145.  #145Heart on April 9, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    Sorry i mean Liquid…not Linda



  146.  #146Heart on April 9, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    I feel grouchy…I guess im in a finger-pointing kind of mood.

    I know CudG is the type of guy to withdraw …he did it the first time I email him about my feelings …but then he came back….But this time he isnt coming back 🙁
    And somehow I’m just going to join that group of women that witnessed a Houdini…



  147.  #147seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    Mercedes- You write so beautifully. Feels like I could hear you. It gives me much hope and I thank you and all for posting. Okay, I’m going to put it out there and I feel naked. Please, I beg for patience.

    I moved out in May of 2011. My daughter with me. I was married twenty years. He had an affair. I knew it in my gut, I never mentioned it. i watched and listened. It was confirmed after I moved out. He mentioned a woman who worked for him who kept coming to him and crying about her divorce. he said he didn’t know what to do. I said that his shoulders were mine to cry on and nobody elses. Tell her to find lady friends to talk to. Never mentioned again. I was feeling horrible about our relationship. Questiong my sanity about then too. So, two years later after much turmoil, him drinking more and more, he got physical and I left 5 days later. I didn’t yell or cry. I asked him if he wanted a divorce or separation. He said a separation to see if he felt any spark back for me. I remember he smirking laugh as he said that. I said “okay, sorry you feel that way” got up and walked in the house. I slept in the guest room after that. That was on a monday and we moved out on saturday. During that week he said to sleep in our room, I said I’m movimg out on saturday and I feel better sleeping in the guest room. he got mad. I didn’t care. I didn’t talk to him but a handful times in the first six months. A lot of yelling cussing calling me names blah blah blah…… I cried, i walked, and I finally slept. it felt so wonderful to wake up and not be in a squished up ball. My hands used to hurt so bad all tightened up in balls. I woke up one morning and I wasn’t in pain. Past November I told him I won’t speak with him if he calls me names, cusses, or yells at me anymore. He moved in with his mistress(?) 6 months after I left. She has two girls and I believe they are happy. I don’t know I don’t ask ……………. I feel relieved not to have care? I hope they are happy. I am glad he has someone.

    I want to date. I feel like a big world of stuff is out there. I date myself, my friends, have a really all around great time. That feels so great to read! I want to date. Is dating while this ‘waiting’ is happening okay. I don’t feel marriage is for me again. I would like to get out there and be dating. I feel guilty for wanting to do that. Because, it feels like I’m false advertising??? I hope this all makes sense. I’m triggered all over the place. Also, in this is much left out,it feels so hard to write out the yucky things said and done over that time. I’m not without blame, I will take my share, but not all. I feel loving towards the nv right now. I’m not stupid for believing. I didn’t know any better, Now I DO. There is much loving on myself to do, and I get better and better.



  148.  #148seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    Why is it that as soon as the physical happened I left………….. Called me fat stupid not good looking cross eyed adhd dyslexic!! I’m not cross eyed!!!! Get it right!!!! feeling angry and it is beautiful!!!!!!!! I love my angryy! blood rushing all around going to have walk for awhile NO SUGAR anymore. Jacks me all up And i love angry it’s healthy!! Spin spin spin up and out the top of my head feels like I found a friend i lost and a big hug, gotta walk and feels the air



  149.  #149seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    NO! i didn’t love him! Is love repeating your past ??? I thought i loved him. thats all I new of love. I would see real love though and wonder why I always felt NO, don’t put your guard down I’ll get in trouble again. Poo!!!!!!! on that!!!!!! I will speak my truth. Only mine. Process why i feel that then breathe then speak. Gently so as to love myself and all. I feel scared of ‘sticking up for myself’ Why does it have to be that. Little miss high and mighty Trigger!!!!!! Mom would say those exact words. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh My jaw is tight and feels like there is so much trying to get out

    Lions breath from yoga I love that I love me and time to breathe



  150.  #150Vi on April 9, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    Seahorse, what helps me to feel more balanced after eating sugary products is apple cider vinegar, I put 1 teaspoon in a glass of water which I like warm 🙂



  151.  #151seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    i have the feeling that i’m going to get in trouble for telling on him. I don’t know what to call that voice so just NV will do. HA!!!! take that! I told, I feel a smile hahahah laughing and some tears I did it. thank you



  152.  #152seahorse on April 9, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    I see my self guzzling vinegar……….. Full of p!ss and vinegar, I’m going to give it a new definition! Thank you for the recipe i will do that Vi



  153.  #153Vi on April 9, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    Seshorse that felt so funny I am laughing so I can hardly type.. hugs to you Siren! Thank you that you are



  154.  #154k2012 on April 9, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    Hi ladies, how are u all doing this evening? I see a new thread has started. Hope I will be able to get your posts in my inbox this time. It has been 2 days I believe since I have been on the blog. Going to catch up with the previous thread. I haven’t even read the above Post yet, that is the opening post.



  155.  #155Zia on April 9, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    Heart – I feel stressed, I feel tight in my chest when I read your posts. I have been in this position before, and it is not pleasant. I am a firm believer in unfriending a man if I find myself unable to resist checking their page to see their activity (even when I’ve “hidden” their activity from my feed).

    I see no issue with re-friending them down the track (I did this with the father of my child just recently, after 2 years) IF you feel that you can be friends with the person once you’ve moved past those strong feelings.

    I feel facebook can be quite detrimental to ones process of moving forward, and of focusing on things that WE love, because we’re throwing our energy at them just by “taking a quick peek” at what they’re up to.

    So I just unfriend (or block, if their posts are public), and even start the counter on my whiteboard to mark each day I go without contacting/facebook checking/leaning forward with the person. And it feels good to see that counter and know that I’m finding ways to look after ME on those days.

    Self torture feels bad, it feels icky to me. And that’s what the facebook stalking/peeking is to me.



  156.  #156Heart on April 9, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    Zia – thank you for the response..I feel cared for…

    I hesitate to unfriend CudG because well last year I had the same FB problem with a friend I had some feelings for…but I pushed him off my horse…And do not check his FB..I have zero attraction/interest in him..And it feels good to Recognize the change…
    I wanted to Unfriend Manboy at the time but held back & I’m glad I didnt it would have been too painful…
    Also, if I unfriend CudG I would be secretly hoping he would chase after me…and if he doesnt it will hurt a lot…and possiblw make me obsess some more

    I think it’s best to just be feminine..& do nothing…I’ll eventually start losing interest …



  157.  #157Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    RE 135 Linda the other day I was reading an old thread. I believe from 2010 or 2009 and read some of your posts. I couldn’t believe it was you. The only thing that confirmed it was the picture. You seem so remarkedly different now.



  158.  #158Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    Libelula – it happened to me in the past and I created a new email address and resubscribed. I believe that was what Rori had recommended.



  159.  #159Linda on April 9, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    My two cents on Facebook…. I used to have an account. 4 years ago that is. I shut my page down and have never looked back. I felt it was an invasion of privacy , people lurking and looking over my shoulder etc… I found it real bother and a real relationship killer. The man I was with for 3 years NEVER changed his status from single… pfft… he lived with me but did not acknowledge me in his life.

    I know it is new social media but that does not make it good new thing.

    I would rather my friends call me on the phone it is more personal and feels better to me.



  160.  #160Zia on April 9, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Heart – if you think you can do nothing while still friends on facebook, great! I know personally that I could not. I’d go a day or so then just *have* to take a peek and see what’s been posted/if anything had been posted and I know with my most recent ex I’d see a post and read all sorts of things into it and end up feeling sad and confused and NEEDY. Any progress I’d made went out the window.



  161.  #161Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Prplpsn28 – “I’m finding it hard to flirt and/or date other men when we have been together so long (almost 19 months). I have managed to flirt a little when I’ve been out with friends without my boyfriend. But then I feel guilty later.”

    Please remember many a woman lose decades of her life around this type of thinking. Decades of childbearing years for a woman who knows she wants kids can breed deep resentment and anger towards oneself. You might not be in this situation yet but I believe that at least giving yourself the option of “thinking” that you are single and can flirt with any man is like releasing yourself out of mental prison.



  162.  #162Elsie on April 9, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Hi all….

    Thank you April Rose for being concerned about me – very sweet. Frankly, the “rules” for the blog are confusing to me because I see a lot of people giving advice and just using the word “feel” in the sentence, which I guess makes it then not advice. So….I could say – I think that is the most wackadoo idea I’ve ever heard ….which would be not ok….but if I said….I feel that is the most wackadoo idea ever, then somehow its ok? I dont know. I dont really understand. LOL. Anyway – I’ll try to dial back my advice giving on here – which is confusing to me because I do feel like I have been given opinions and advice on here that have really helped me from many people…..I guess it just comes down to what “advice” is…..so, I will diligently try to adhere to the rules on the board, because I really like this place, and some of you guys have really helped me. 🙂

    OK – on to an awesome story…..so he has been saying that he doesnt really think of things the way I do, and if I need something, then I need to tell him. I told him that felt icky because that felt masculine and chasing. He said, well, I need to know what you need. So far, I havent taken him up on it.

    But today I did. I went over to him. *gasp* haha. Then I said, ok, first off, I’m way out of my comfort zone here haha….and he laughed, and I said, I’m going to try something you have asked me to do. And I’m going to see how you react and then I’m oging to see if I like it, and I’m going to see how I feel. And if I dont like it or it feels icky I probalby wont do it again. He just smiled.

    I said, ok. I miss you. I would like for you to come over tonight. And he just smiled so huge. And he said – of course I’ll come over tonight. Why did you not want to ask me that. I told him about my rowing the boat again. And he said….LOOK. I’m no good at realtionships…..and I really really WANT to be good at this one. I have never been good before. So, you HAVE to help me. You have to nudge me and let me know what I need to do because I sooooo want to do that for you. Please help me be the person you need. He then teared up and said that he loved me and that he would be with me every night if he could….I said, well, I didnt know that….and he said….how could you not know that? And I said, because I dont assume anything, and you never told me before. LOL. He said, yes, I want to be with you every night. (We cant right now, because of our schedules and siutaitons, etc. but that will eventually change)

    anyway – I told him, well, I dont want to have to say that I want notes and flowers, etc. and he said, well you are going to have to help me because I have NEVER done this before, and NEVER WANTED to do it before, and I just dont think like htat but I really want to because I love you so much.

    OK – it was about the best conversation ever. I told him, I have no idea why I get so nervous about these conversations…..I always think its going to go bad, and it always goes great.

    And then I said…..look. I love you JUST the way you are. I dont want to change you. I am tired and I am done trying to change people. And frankly, I”m an awesome catch (yes, I said that!!!) I said, look, I’m smart, and funny and a good person and I do a lot for someone I love, and someone would be lucky to get me. If they dont like me thats fine, I’ll find someone else or I’ll be ok by myself, which is fine….but I can tell you what I WONT do, and that is try to change someone. I looked right at him and said, I love you just the way you are, I would never try to change you.

    He started crying, and couldnt even speak. It. was. awesome. 🙂

    Today was a good good day. 🙂



  163.  #163Linda on April 9, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    FW. Thank you so much! ! ! I feel a very different more balanced woman now because of this blog, the sirens here and the things Rori teaches . It all started with me painting myself with love… (smiles)



  164.  #164Libelula on April 9, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Having trouble over-analyzing here. He’s been very busy and has little time, but when he does he’s been sending me a cute little note. Tonight he didn’t watch his usual sport to chat with me for a bit. I had to go, but when I came back he sent me a lovestruck icon 😡 with the word “I” Its very hard to lean back and let it happen – whatever it is. I want to analyze, pick apart and be the way I hope it would be.

    FW- I’ll try to resubscribe, but I didn’t want to create a new email. I have trouble remembering to check the ones I already have.



  165.  #165Femininewoman on April 9, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    So use one of the other email addresses



  166.  #166Linda on April 9, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    Libelula… the best gift you can give yourself is to rest and receive. How did his receiving his attention and note feel? If it made you happy… feel it and your vibe will be felt by him and invite more.



  167.  #167Heart on April 9, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Zia – I’m pretty good with the FB thing..I don’t check very often and also CudG is not a very active user (unlike Manboy – who was Mr. Facebook)



  168.  #168Tereana on April 9, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    Hey, Elsie – totally understandable confusion. And it seems to me that, with or without the word “feel” there is still a lot of “advice” given on the blog. But still, the idea here is that we are not really here to give advice. We can ask for feedback and support – and give it as well. But advice is more of a directive. So we want to let people make up their own minds about what they want to do.

    Also, it’s a small but significant distinction, but “I feel that…” is actually not a “feeling statement.” If you can substitute the word “think” for “feel,” then it’s the same as saying you think it. You’re on the right track, though. The FM would be something more like, “I feel weird about that idea…and I think it’s wackadoo” ; )



  169.  #169Indigo on April 9, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    Elsie

    What a wonderful conversation 🙂 How wonderful it is to hear those things from a man.

    Re: the advice-giving thing. Rori does make a suggestion, and I think it’s an excellent one, that if you feel you must offer a suggestion or opinion on the situation, you phrase it in terms of what you would feel or do, such as “If it were me, I would…” or “I would feel… if…”. That way, you are not telling the person what to do and there is no judgment, *you* are owning what you are saying, and it feels much better to the person you are addressing.

    Hope that helps. It’s nice to see you back 🙂 I enjoy what you have to say (hugs)



  170.  #170Libelula on April 9, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    Linda – Yes, it felt wonderful and I’m still in the midst of enjoying.



  171.  #171Tereana on April 9, 2013 at 11:09 pm

    Hm…I’ve been thinking a lot about my engagement today. I took a nice midday walk up on a hill with a nice walking path, and I got some sun : ) I meditated while I was up there, and the thoughts just came to me. I pictured myself and remembered who I was back then, and I was so happy, so full of joy. I had everything I wanted. And then, when I left the relationship, it was like I left that happy person behind. I’m not sure if I’ve quite allowed myself to allow that happy person I was to come back in and be part of me again. But then, maybe I am happier than I think I am…

    I miss DancingCD a little. I was thinking about him, too. But I don’t want to contact him. Because I’m already afraid that I did too much by bringing up the conversation and asking him last week, basically, “Where are you going with this?” Then we agreed it wasn’t serious. But we slept together. Huh? I don’t even understand. It was my choice, tho ; ) …but I figure, if I leave it up to him, maybe he’ll get back to me. Maybe he just needs more time to figure stuff out. Maybe he’s dealing with immigration, or work. Who knows? I don’t have any expectations, really. In fact, I’ve been wondering if he’s just stepping aside, making room for someone else. Who?

    I’ve been getting lots of texts from the woman I hung out with. Still unclear what that’s about. But I know that she likes women. And I know that I think she’s pretty cool. And sometimes I think she’s acting extra cool to impress me or something, but then again, I don’t really know her that well. We might hang out again this weekend. And I might see A, if I happen to run into him at the dance party I like to go to – which I might go to with this woman. That would be fun ; )

    And tonight, walking through this neighborhood where I’m staying, it felt like a museum of former dates. I kept passing by landmarks of places where I had met men for a first or second date, or picked up the car for a drive in the hills. I was connecting the dots as I walked along, remembering how they didn’t work out, but I enjoyed the times with them. It was bittersweet.

    I thought to myself, maybe it’s too easy for men to get dates with me. Maybe I really need to be more selective. Not like I go on a date with every man that asks. But basically, the bar is not that high. If he’s cute, and he’s Indian (or Jewish), and he asks nicely, chances are that I’ll go out with him. If I feel like it. “For practice.” But maybe I should not treat a date so lightly. For many people it’s a big deal. I could actually lead to something! I forget that sometimes… But I’ve been on so many dates now, that it’s almost like old hat. *yawn.* I could do it in my sleep. lol. I hardly ever get nervous for dates, and when I do, it’s usually not a good sign. Or it means I have a good time, but it’s not a long-term good thing. I think I got nervous on my first date with A, and I’m not sure why…

    I’m rambling on now. Just processing. This is my version of “riffing” I guess. Except it’s more like free-writing. I used to love doing that – you start with a word or an idea, and you just keep writing and see where it takes you. It’s very…freeing. You get a lot out, and you start thinking differently about things you’ve been stuck in a rut over. I highly recommend it…even if nobody ever reads it, except you 😉

    Oop, just got a text from A. : )



  172.  #172Tereana on April 9, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    p.s. just one more thing…I was thinking today that I’ve been amazed at the times when DancingCD has contacted me at how “in tune” he’s been with me. It happens pretty frequently with guys, actually. When they “tune in” with a particular woman, they can really be quite intuitive about what she needs. And I thought about how fortuitous it seemed that he was able to see me last week, in the middle of the week, and he was amazing and made time for me in the morning – because I am a morning person – and then couldn’t see me over the weekend.

    And it just so happened that I got my period over the weekend. It came two days earlier than I expected it. It’s been a short one, but really intense. It’s almost over, actually, and it’s only tuesday. But I almost feel like, if I see him again, it will only be after it’s over and gone. Not like he “knew” it was coming. But almost like he subconsciously got the memo and got out of dodge…lol. We’ll see. He’s turned up every time so far. Very curious to see if he comes around again!

    And also…I don’t want to contact him, because that would just take the fun out of it for him! Gotta let him wonder about me too…haha : )



  173.  #173Elsie on April 9, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    @Tereana and Indigo – Thanks for helping me out. I do see that substituting feel for think would just be giving advice. On another note, I do love the word wackadoo….LOL.

    I guess I have always thought that if someone gives you an opinion or advice you can take it or leave it….BUT NOW….I understand better the rules of the blog. I just am ashamed to admit I never even knew they were there and I had never read them. I CERTAINLY NEVER intended to hurt anyones feelings or be rude, or abrasive or go against this blog. Because like I said…..so many of you have helped me….I guess I was just trying to do the same. I will make sure I try to do that within the rules here 🙂

    Ok now that we are all friends again, lets sing kumbayah 🙂 yay!



  174.  #174Veronica on April 10, 2013 at 4:56 am

    Mercedes – I wish you all the best. When I think of your business I have this hope that it will be a place where women can be soft (on the inside of course!) and receive, receive, receive all the goodness.

    Elsie – I am so happy and in awe at the conversation you had. Yes lots of strength there. It gives me hope that men do want good relationships. Gosh and he cried in front of you – I respect that. I really appreciate that he did that. (I didn’t have much of a chance to see BM emotional in front of me about the relationship even though I was so hoping that would happen.)

    Mel – thank you so much for posting

    Seahorse – a beautiful light you shine here on the blog



  175.  #175Veronica on April 10, 2013 at 4:58 am

    I wrote this about a month ago and I still feel the same. I was writing this in response to the option of being friends. I never sent it.

    “I don’t feel that I could be friends with you – how am I to do that? I don’t feel good about myself in this situation. I don’t know if I could handle sharing with you as a friend and yet wanting deeply to share as a lover (and there is a difference). I’m sad that we couldn’t have really developed a love that would maybe fulfil my need to really pour out myself to someone. Maybe that is naïve but I feel this need so deeply. I’ve wanted to be part of something where that would mutually happen – I don’t think it could happen with you. The ease with which you deal with this ending saddens me as I feel the inequality quite sharply here. We have very different ideas about love and I’m feeling frustrated – I don’t feel an intensity from you or even a desire/enthusiasm from you and that is okay – I’m not judging you for it. It’s what I need and I doubt I will ever get that from you. I feel I couldn’t continue a friendship with you without feeling loss and yearning or deep sadness. I don’t know if that would dissipate enough for me to then become friends with you but then how am I to understand it in a way other than a lessening of love?

    I don’t think you can give me what I need. I suspect I need you more than what you need me and so I believe our friendship would be more of me contacting you than you contacting me. I understand that my way of feeling might be frustrating for you however I don’t see how things progressing in the way you intimated will be something I could be happy and relaxed about—and I don’t know if I’ll change my mind about that.”

    I feel nervous because this is what I want to say to him. I also want to have all contact details deleted. I wonder if I’m making a mistake. This situation has been emotionally draining for me. I don’t like putting this much effort into understanding something that isn’t even happening. I’ve tried so hard and I’m tired of crying everyday. I’m also tired of feeling that my legitimate desires to have a deeply fulfilling relationship (friendship or otherwise) seem like an unreasonable demand. On the other hand, I’m suspicious of myself that this is a veiled leaning forward. I’m also feeling scared that if I do this that somehow my process of going into myself will be sabotaged. I feel like all the feelings in this process will be so worth it – I’m building a memory in my body that will no longer accept half-hearted and crumbly efforts as amazing and worthwhile. Also, I wonder if sending him this will somehow send a notice to the universe that Veronica is stepping up for herself. I suppose what I’m really looking for is justice(?) – that Veronica, like all people, is this exquisite being and that none of that exquisiteness gets to be touched or seen or experienced if neglect and crumbs is what is being offered/given/accepted. Yes that’s just never going to happen that way, not even for myself.

    Last night, after dinner and after I had done some drawing I noticed this deep hunger in me – it was almost visceral – for meaningful and valued interaction. It was such a strong desire and I was quite surprised that I could understand that that was what the feeling was about. This is new for me – the attention to such a deep feeling in my body like that. It’s as though I make sense to myself (this deep intimacy with myself is comforting).

    This blog makes me more compassionate when I’m out in the world. Thank you all of you for posting.



  176.  #176April Rose on April 10, 2013 at 5:00 am

    Elsie,
    Reading about your conversation with your man made me feel all puffed up and warm inside.
    I believe that every man longs to feel accepted – and you made it sooo clear that you accept your man exactly as he is.
    I am learning this in babysteps and it works wonders. In a Rori teleclass she advised us to drop all judgements of the man we’re with. It is so clear to me that he feels the difference when I’m not judging him. He looks happier and is more attentive and wants to spend time with me.

    I love it that your man is asking you to tell him what you want and need. It would feel so good to me if my man wanted to please me that much.

    Hugs to you, siren.



  177.  #177Zia on April 10, 2013 at 5:25 am

    I went on my rsvp date tonight. I felt more able to be “open” but I still feel weird about feeling messages. One step at a time. How *I* felt? It felt nice to be considered. He was considerate of the fact I could only stay an hour because I needed to pick up my son from my sister’s house. He offered me dinner (which i accepted) and a coffee. The conversation was pleasant and free flowing on his part and didn’t feel awkward. It felt nice.

    I didn’t feel any attraction to him but for the first time, that was ok and didn’t make me feel stressed or angry (in the past I felt like I was wasting my time if there was no instant attraction and would close down)



  178.  #178Dominique on April 10, 2013 at 5:38 am

    Elsie – 162- Awesome, so awesome. I feel very proud of you. Taking these first steps, allowing vulnerability, being real and authentic can feel really scary, yet it gets easier, especially when you see how well it goes over and how great you feel.

    xxoo



  179.  #179Dominique on April 10, 2013 at 5:51 am

    Veronica – 175 – Your letter is far too long, and there is too much “you” in there. Can you rewrite it, edit it down, and eliminate the “yous” ? Can you make this all about you and how you feel in relationship as opposed to friendship?

    You also don’t really know that he’s handling this with ease. He may be, yet men don’t tend to show what’s going on inside like we women would more tend to.

    Making an assumption like this doesn’t serve you. Please try to not go there. Keep your focus on you and your feelings as much as you can.

    The below gets to the heart of what you want to say. The rest may seem important to you, and yes keep it close if it helps you feel better. It’s unlikely though that he will absorb it all.

    “I don’t think I can handle being simply friends. My feelings run too deeply for this. I feel sad around this, yet to continue like this would feel even more painful.”

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  180.  #180Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 5:55 am

    RE 173 – Singing kumbayah over here Elsie. No need to feel ashamed. You don’t know what you don’t know, keeping in mind that many people here do specifically ask for advice. Just that being in that mode at times we kind of get programmed to be that way in life so we kinda forget to switch hats when we are with the men in our lives. You seem to be doing pretty well switching hats though.



  181.  #181seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 6:10 am

    Elsie- Hahahahahaahha!!! Thank you for the giggles and the song in my head that leaves me with smiles. I can feel it lightening up my head fog. I love laughter and smiles over anything. Well maybe those feelings of snuggling and smiling and laughing. Ohhhh remembering that feels good too. Wacka doo wack a doo wack a doo…………song from the seventies, I feel most curious about this.



  182.  #182Libelula on April 10, 2013 at 6:21 am

    I felt all happy when I saw another message in my mail box – obviously he’s thinking about me. Then I opened the attachment and it’s a dirty picture. I feel grossed out and my happy feeling is ruined. I’ve asked him to stop sending me these photos & he does for awhile, but then this.



  183.  #183Libelula on April 10, 2013 at 6:54 am

    He apologized when I sent him a feeling message.



  184.  #184prplpsn28 on April 10, 2013 at 7:02 am

    I’m feeling happy this morning. My boyfriend (I’ll refer to him as “H” from now on) made plans for us to go to a local restaurant last night after he got off work. It was all his idea. We had a very light, cheerful, happy, wonderful conversation. It was awesome. And he has turned it into an every Tuesday evening thing for us to do since my kids spend Tuesday evenings with their dad. (Don’t know if anyone remembers but I’ve mentioned in earlier posts how I was disappointed that we only see each other every other weekend when my kids are with their dad). Well he has now made this something we can do during the week. Yay! I feel good about this. And the restaurant of choice is actually right across the alley from my house so it’s ok to leave my kids home alone for a bit if they are already home from spending time with their dad. (They are old enough 12 and 16) Cuz of the nature of H’s business he never knows when he will get off work. So sometimes it will be after my kids get back home. And we are right there should they need me. He is making an obvious effort for us to spend more time together and it makes me feel happy and wanted. And I hadn’t even tried to bring this up with him. I just did things to change my vibe. Yay! 🙂



  185.  #185seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 7:14 am

    I was making oatmeal and was feeling peaceful and the wack a doo song changed into a feeling of hope,all lightness in my chest and then changed into Glinda the good witch singing only i changed into me singing to my nv’s and all the other voices hidden. Come out come out where ever you are and meet the young lady who fell from a star! It feels right. Come out and everybody be loved and accepted and be safe. The tune runs through my head and feels happy and it’s all okay. This feeling and thinking feeling and thinking so inter twined. What I think on grows. Streams of consciousness grows into rivers into the sea which is me. I really feel good. I love me I love you Light light light I am full of light………….. Tally ho!!!!!



  186.  #186BeLoved on April 10, 2013 at 7:20 am

    Oh, geez, some big tall beautiful man just came into my office to say hi, took hold of my hand, kissed my cheek and got my email address.

    My hands feel sweaty, I feel like everything just happened so fast and wtf was that???

    I feel like I want to vomit. I feel icked.
    I feel played. Yuck.

    Breathe.
    Am I safe? Look around.

    He asked if he was imposing and I felt shut down and just looked at him and couldn’t say anything. I was feeling pressured.
    Yick yick yick.
    (((((my shutting downness))))

    I am a safe place.
    I feel scared I’ll never learn to speak up in the moment.
    I don’t like to confuse men and lead them on.

    What if, Ms. Beloved….what if…
    nothing bad is going to happen?
    Is that possible?
    (don’t like the abrupt movements…scary…swooping in, moving so quickly, can’t track)
    I hear ya, lil’ one.
    Don’t know what they are going to do ….
    (kissing you and holding you, lil’ one)
    My heart feels like a vulnerable little baby and a little girl and a ferocious lioness all in one 🙂
    What’s right about this I’m not getting?
    It’s over.
    Hahaha.
    Okay…
    back to work.
    He can’t hurt me through email 🙂
    lovelovelovelove to my precious heart.



  187.  #187BeLoved on April 10, 2013 at 7:23 am

    Okay not done.
    What if he doesn’t want to hurt me?
    Or take advantage of me?
    (feels sick and vomity, he wants to use me to puff up his ego)
    I feel violated somehow.



  188.  #188Sheila on April 10, 2013 at 7:26 am

    Rori….I’m 49 years old and had been in a relationship for 7 years. Almost 2-years ago, my boyfriend broke up with me to date someone closer to his age, which she is only 2-years younger than myself. He still calls me 2 to 3 times everyday and texts me. I still see him and we are still the best of friends. I feel like I’m holding on to something that I shouldn’t be holding on to. What advise do you have for me?
    I am still waiting for him to come back to me. I have asked him about his new girlfriend and he tends to get upset when I ask about her or their relationship. Am I wasting my time?



  189.  #189Veronica on April 10, 2013 at 7:41 am

    Thank you so much Dominique – I’ve been struggling with this for a while. I was just about to e-mail him when I saw your message. I really appreciate your suggestions and am going to change my message. This is all so new to me and I just feel like I’m fumbling the whole time.



  190.  #190Veronica on April 10, 2013 at 7:48 am

    Dominique, could you explain to me what you meant by this question:

    Can you make this all about you and how you feel in relationship as opposed to friendship?



  191.  #191seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 8:11 am

    Whoa……… big connection. I feel surprised!!!!!!!!! Melting melting…….. The wicked witch is finally dead!!! OMG!!!! The voice that said I was dirty for wanting to post and wanting to date……..s3x? Said I was bad! Come out come out wherever you are…….. It’s right there reaching out to make sense……… I’m not dirty. I love…….all of the voices. Come out come out…..Did i hurt myself by the melting dream? The dark thing melted down through the grates that were slimy and it was cave like and murky. And love dissolved melted it. The others are safe? breathing releasing judgement and come out come out whereevr you are and meet the seahorse that fell from a star, i didn’t need(?) that voice was not my own? Those things told to me were not my judgements. I’m lovely all of me. Is there good and bad?? Grey grey grey no judgements, it is what it is…… reality. Haaahahh I feel silly. I feel itching on my shoulder now lower back and right thigh…wiggling of my toes



  192.  #192seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 8:36 am

    Feeling very connected to Beloved writing. Noddding my head agreement. I feel happy to read through it ,I feel the questions as a door? Beloved you write so clear like fresh water to see the shiny pebbles and jewels at the bottom. Thank you



  193.  #193seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 8:40 am

    I feel humbled. Peaceful by remembering- ‘He leadth me besides the still waters’…………breathing then muddied water, let stand, will become clear. breathing in my womb feels relaxing,thank you



  194.  #194Mercedes on April 10, 2013 at 8:46 am

    Busy night last night and busier morning. I’ve been dying to get on this site all morning long. lol

    Heart: 129 – I don’t fall in love with men I don’t know. Admire, respect, find attractive, etc. Yes. Love. No. Maybe that’s the difference in what we’re saying (because I still believe it is the same thing…sort of)…just one word. Love.

    “but there is a sense of heroism to him that u like & find sexy.” – ABSOLUTELY!!

    “I’m just saying I think you should adore/admire the man outside of the energy exchange or how he treats you etc” – I just don’t know how. It’s all about ME!!! LOL. I get what you are saying, but for me, all of that reflects on how he treats me. I wouldn’t love a man outside of how he treats me if he doesn’t treat me well. If a man treats others well and is good to them but then treats me badly…well…I’d struggle with loving him…or at least with being IN LOVE with him. But…you are right in my opinion, you need all of those components. I just don’t see having one of those components without the others (meaning I don’t think it would be possible for me). I don’t know. This topic, as interesting as it is to me, makes me dizzy because I go in circles trying to find the right words. haha!

    ALA: 134 – Thank you! You make me smile!!

    Seahorse: 147 – If I were you, I would absolutely date while you “wait”. HE is. But then again, I would probably also have my lawyer write up divorce papers and just serve them to him. No real need to talk about it at this point. Just serve him. He’ll (at least in most states in the US) be forced to either sign, refute (and come back with what he wants instead) or lose.

    Veronica – Thank you so much! I see the same thing you do with our new business. I just hope we can accomplish it. 🙂

    Elsie – I struggle with the rules sometimes too (and completely resisted and complained – still do sometimes – about how you can pretty much say anything you want here as long as you say “I feel” first). Coaches like Dominique will word things differently but Rori has always been open to coaches giving advice and I hope she stays that way because Dominique has SOOOOO much to offer us.

    The balance I’ve tried to create (so I don’t lose my voice and so I can still feel comfortable here) is to tell others what I would do if it were me or what I did when I was in a similar situation. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes I type and submit before I think about the rules. I haven’t been ask (by Rori) to leave yet, so I guess I’m good so far. But, regardless, I do make every attempt to not give “advice” so much as to say “If I were you” or “I would do….” or “When that happened to me, I ….” – I understand that a lot of people take that as advice and that’s okay I guess. Real advice would be more along the lines of me saying “You should…” or “Do what I did…” or something like that. Anyway, my point is, I don’t say “I feel” a lot. I try not to give advice but I completely understand that others take my “what I would do” or “what I did” and use that as advice. Rori hasn’t shut me down yet. 🙂

    Much Love to all today…off to lunch and then back to a busy day!
    Mercedes



  195.  #195IamHis on April 10, 2013 at 9:11 am

    I feel so tempted to cut my hair off into the cutest pixie cut there is.

    I know men won’t like it, but I will.

    and something about that feels empowering…



  196.  #196IamHis on April 10, 2013 at 9:26 am

    “But I’m still in love with my abandoner.”
    “It is normal to have these feelings, but they are feelings, not facts.”

    – Journey from Heartbreak to Connection



  197.  #197seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I feel love for the wicked witch. I remember the book where it had her side of the story and how misunderstood she was. I feel sad, I feel it in my chest and teary. Poor lady thought she was protecting me. Yes it feels right and lightness. Breathing down low. And come into the light. Little lady from Poltergeist all aare wellcome in the light…..that’s feeling giggly and weird! hahahaha laughter. I love laughter. Feels so releasing. But now serious feeling smile fades and I love that I’m not dirty and I can be feel my sexuality. i can want and be clean. It’s healthy. But a voice inside says, Be choosy and another must figure this feels curious and why why why who who who a owl??? hahahaha Get toxic men program. Read the pretty safe lady Dominque. I am coming out of the shrubs and feel like sitting up taller and standing up taller. Tail swishing and bbright eyed and bushy tailed???? Is dominque Glinda??? Daria feels like ………… i envy? her………. i I feel happy when I read Daria. I want to have a picture like the ones I see with there eyes so real? happy? can’t find the word………. But it feels right when I see there picture. Rori happy confident smile feels like Glinda? Come out come out where ever youu are………. the water is delicious dive in and swim swim swim Thank you I feel full and bubbles over flowing I love the feeling of happy.



  198.  #198seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 9:39 am

    I feel grateful and it’s warm and love and kinda dizzy. Blood flowing in release? yeah………… FW was right bingo bingo bingo winner winner winner. Release the negative and sad songs and turn turn turn…….new song track! There is a reason turn turn turn……. I love music and singing!!! I love my tone deafness! I love to sing! No more stillettos, comfortable flip flops and pretty pink sandals with strappy ankle bows………. and flat:) Lovely metaphor that! Grateful for time and grateful for seeing beauty in everything Grateful for Thank you’s and your welcome and that all are beautiful. I love my mind Thank you mind you are so very seahorse it’s lovely. Shine on shine on thank you



  199.  #199seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 9:43 am

    Whoa……… Mercedes- I love that. Thank you. The process begins. Already had temp agreement. He wanted to avoid court. I’m done, I feel done. No more nice patient, I feel done. Thank you sweet lady, I love your smile btw, happy open and bright. Thank you Mercedes



  200.  #200Indigo on April 10, 2013 at 9:56 am

    Veronica 175

    I really, really enjoyed reading your post. I thought it was extremely beautiful, and a very accurate reflection of how I also am feeling.

    hugs to you for crying every day! I hope this gets replaced by much joy.



  201.  #201Dominique on April 10, 2013 at 10:15 am

    Veronica – 189 – First of all, all of this takes time and practice. You’re rewiring everything you’ve ever learned about how to relate to men and everyone else really.

    I’m sorry that sentence was unclear, and honestly I don’t remember where my train of though was in that moment. What I think I meant was that what’s important to communicate to him is how relationship feels to you. So comparing friendship to lovers may be important to you to sort out for you. Trying to communicate this to him is not useful in what you are trying to say to him, convey to him, which is that friendship isn’t going to feel good to you. I hope this makes more sense.

    xxoo



  202.  #202Dominique on April 10, 2013 at 10:23 am

    May I attempt to clarify how to phrase things and what the guidelines mean as I understand them?

    As Rori says this is a place to share experiences and offer suggestion based on what has or hasn’t worked for you. If advice is asked for specifically, then go ahead.

    This all has nothing to with using I feel. I feel expresses just this, how you FEEL. There is a huge difference between I think and I feel though, and it can be tricky at first to differentiate. If you are talking about emotions, you would want to use I feel, eg. sad, mad, upset, irritated, ignored, and so on or happy, glad ecstatic, warm, yummy, glowing, safe, comfortable, and so on.

    For me in my work, I think using I feel is not about the other person at all. It’s about YOU, helping you figure what it is you really DO feel, and when you learn to communicate in this way, the other person feels safer with you, maybe even attracted because you are being real and authentic, maybe vulnerable too. And this can be enormously attracting.

    xxoo



  203.  #203Shar Lean Way Back on April 10, 2013 at 10:29 am

    Good processing seahorse 🙂



  204.  #204Dominique on April 10, 2013 at 10:29 am

    seahorse – You write so much like someone else I know. I love it. Thank you for thinking of me as safe. This makes me feel so warm inside. And Glinda? Oh my I idolized her as a child. 🙂

    xxoo



  205.  #205Veronica on April 10, 2013 at 11:03 am

    Indigo -199 Thank you so much – I feel so alone in all this. Your hugs and wishes are very much appreciated. I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. Oh gosh much strength to you! I hope you have a soft place to go to when it gets too much. Take care.



  206.  #206Tereana on April 10, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Well, I did it. I broke down, I guess. I still don’t have any expectations. But I just wanted to express gratitude to dancingCD, and also to ask for help with something. Those are perfectly good feminine expressions, yes?

    Well, even so. I just didn’t want to hold it in any longer. It’s not like I asked for a date or made a decision about anything. It’s okay if he wants to pull away. It really is okay…



  207.  #207Veronica on April 10, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Dominique – thank you for taking the time to respond. I was feeling frustrated with myself for my lack and the reassurance is very much needed.

    I have copied and pasted your suggestions so that I can go through them later when I’m not so emotional.



  208.  #208Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 11:11 am

    RE 203 I was just about to say that. It seems like bloom-ing. Just transformed.



  209.  #209Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 11:12 am

    seahorse were you bloom-ing?



  210.  #210Tereana on April 10, 2013 at 11:19 am

    IamHis – how do you know men won’t love your cute pixie cut? Are you really going to keep your hair long “for them” rather than do what you want?

    I can speak from experience a having short hair is fun and addictive, and in no way ever stopped men from liking me. In many cases it was even a turn-on.

    You can always grow it out again…



  211.  #211Mercedes on April 10, 2013 at 11:29 am

    Searhorse: 🙂 Big smile from me to you!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  212.  #212seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 11:35 am

    208- No…………….blooming mad bat sh!t crazy maybe? She writes beautifully, thank you. thank you all for being here and being Sirens. Thank for showing the way. OMG!!! Follow the yellow brick follow the yellow brick road!!!! Beautiful Glinda’s we are!!!! hahahhaahahaha !!!! Lost but I’m found!!! Feeling again feels alive and here, I’m here!!!! And beautiful. really big cheek busting smile, Smiling is my favorite ahahahahaahaa!! Elf!!!



  213.  #213seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Ohhhhhhhhh, remembering the bunny stories. Home for a bunny and runaway bunny. I’m the mama bunny and the baby bunny. Home for a bunny………..smiling and laughing…..it’s about cd’ing!!!!!!!!!



  214.  #214seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Feeling is sanity and happiness for me. Gonging deep inside truth



  215.  #215seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 11:41 am

    Dominque- You are mighty welcome pretty lady siren!



  216.  #216seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 11:45 am

    202- Thank you Shar! Sometimes it feels elusive slippery like. Then, pulling teeth………..then breathe relax and some voice inside saying “would you please let go??’ hahahahahhaaha! Then the wide blue sky and flying:)



  217.  #217Indigo on April 10, 2013 at 11:47 am

    ((((Veronica))))

    I am very much further along this road, and it doesn’t hurt so much, or so often. But there was a time, a short while ago, when I felt *exactly* like you. I promise, you are not alone.



  218.  #218prplpsn28 on April 10, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Posts don’t get noticed. Bleh! Not feeling happy on here.



  219.  #219seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 11:50 am

    It feels like open and all kinds of stuff is everywhere. I want to paint!! Feels juicy and color color color!!! I will paint me with love. Thank you Linda!! Yes, and getiing creative here……….. paint myself in pink beautiful soft gently pink and then roll over a huge canvas and it shall be called Pink Seahorse!!!! hang it my bedroom. I feel laughing and smiling and thats gonna be a huge mess to clean up



  220.  #220seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 11:57 am

    prplpsn28- I see you! I feel sad reading that. Swirling colors and I feel curious. I feel curious as to how you feel. I feel somewhat envious as I would like to be dating. And joy for you lovely siren:) How does prplsn28 feel???? In the body



  221.  #221Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    How does prplsn28 feel?
    What post?
    Can you feel comfortable asking for help? At least till you get an outright No?!



  222.  #222Mercedes on April 10, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    prplpsn28 – In my experience the happy posts do tend to get overlooked (not so much overlooked as not responded to) because there is no request for support or advice, no need to lift someone up or hold them close. I think most people just smile for the person writing the happy post and then move on. It doesn’t happen all the time though…just sometimes. For me, a lot of posts I write (about an amazing evening with J or a trip we’ve gone on or something like that) are not responded to. I just assume people are still happy for me and that I made someone smile imaging my life.

    For my part, I do want to tell you that I saw your post and I think it is wonderful. It looks to me like you have a man doing whatever it takes to make your relationship comfortable and good and I picture you looking him right in the eyes on your date and saying “Thank you so much. This has meant the world to me.” 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  223.  #223Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    RE 126 prplpsn I was referring to Ask For What You Need AND Bring Him Closer With This Simple Exercise. I pasted piece in 78 above.



  224.  #224prplpsn28 on April 10, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    @ Mercedes and seahorse…Thank You! I think I just had a moment. Back in my happy place now 🙂 Also, this is all completely new to me. Still learning. Appreciate everyone’s comments.



  225.  #225Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    “Truth: For A Man, Physical Intimacy Does Not Equal Relationship
    You need to think that sleeping together and having a relationship are two completely different things that have nothing to do with one another. What makes a man “see your worth” and end up feeling so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION.

    Here’s the thing… I don’t know if you see this, but you’ve moved on to wanting “something serious” right after you and he slept together, thinking that sex of course means there should be a relationship and he should feel the same way about you. Not true.

    As I’ve said before, and it bears repeating, the decision to sleep with a woman often has NOTHING to do with whether a man has decided that he wants to “date” you more seriously.”

    CCarter



  226.  #226prplpsn28 on April 10, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    @ FW 222…I did see that article. Thank you. I printed it out.



  227.  #227Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    “The Secret To Getting The Commitment You Want
    As you can see, the key to making a man want you all to himself is to be the woman who loves him but doesn’t need him. When he senses that he’s very lucky to have you, he’ll be motivated to seal the deal before another guy gets in there first.”

    Rori



  228.  #228prplpsn28 on April 10, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    I just feel really confused right now. It seems sometimes there are conflicting comments. I understand everyone has their own feelings/ideas about things, but…..I just feel a little lost. And tho I understand that intimacy does not make a man commit to you…it scares me. Scary to think that after 19 months the man may still not think that way. Am I even making any sense? My head is spinning. I want it to stop! Ugh! My happy feeling seems to keep coming and going. Maybe I’m over thinking. How do I stop?!



  229.  #229prplpsn28 on April 10, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    FM 226…And how in the world do you show a man that you love him without it seeming like you need him?



  230.  #230Mercedes on April 10, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    prplpsn28: 227 – Yes…I agree…it is very scary to think that a man could still not feel a commitment coming after all that time, it is true though and it isn’t something we can control. For me, it is all about what we CAN control and that is ourselves and our love for ourselves and our willingness (or lack there of) to really stay open to all men and to all options until a man steps up to claim us. We have control over our actions and reactions and our happiness and vibe. We have control over US, not over HIM.

    I know you directed comment 228 to FW, but if I may interject my own thoughts on this… I think we can make a man feel loved in lots of ways without seeming “needy”. The best way is to make sure we are taking care of ourselves at all times and we are taking control over our own outward displays of emotion and over our own happiness. A man knows a woman isn’t “needy” when she knows how to be happy…with our without him.

    I think another way is to thank him and always remember to show appreciation for the amazing things he does for us. This keeps him doing things because HE wants to and not because WE need him to.

    Being authentic and honest in a non-drama kind of way will also show a man how much you love him. J loves to see me being honest about how I feel or about what we do or where we go, etc. As long as he knows I’m not just trying to please him and as long as my “negative” feelings are communicated in drama free ways, he can feel the authenticity and feel the love that comes from that authenticity.

    All of the above also make a man feel safe with us. He feels safe knowing that when we’re unhappy or angry or whatever, he’s not going to take the brunt of it. Safe knowing we’ve got our emotions under control. Safe knowing that HE can show his own feelings because he knows he’s with an emotionally mature woman. Safe knowing that his girl can and will be happy and he doesn’t have to feel pressured to “make” her that way.

    A safe man…is a man who feels loved. 🙂

    (also, on a side note, there is, in my opinion, a huge difference between needing a man and coming across and “needy”. Does that make any sense? I hope so because I’m not sure I know how to explain it. lol)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  231.  #231IamHis on April 10, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    I’m feeling so much anger over Jack CD.

    I realize that I’ve had a BAD addiction to him, and it infuritates me.

    I feel like he CREATED the addiction with PURE SLEAZE.

    I defriended him on fb. I’ve never defriended anyone.

    I’ve never felt so used, manipulated, strung along and rejected in my whole life.

    It scares me because I feel like Rori Raye brought him to me.

    He responded to that particular style of communicating like no one else did.

    He has a new “target.”

    and it sickens me to watch him treat her EXACTLY the same way he treated me.

    I feel so livid I just want to march up to him with a knife and stab him repeatedly. (not literally, of course. I hope you ladies understand that. it’s just the rage I’m feeling…)

    My counselor seems to know that I can do so much better than him and I know that too.

    but I crave revenge.

    I want to hurt and humilate him as he did to me, and I technically have the power to do so, which is why he called me in the first place.

    I want to mess with his head like he messed with mine.

    I want to ruin what could be a good thing for him, because I feel like he ruined good things for me.

    On an unrelated note,

    I feel like leaning back has kept away some truly good men.

    I’m not sure if was the “leaning back” that did it, or if it was just my not knowing how to handle someone seeming “mesmorized” by my beauty.

    I “waited” for them to approach me, but they never did.

    Meeting them in the middle would have felt so much better, I think.

    now this one guy who I never really got to know has a gf, and he still stares at me and seems angry at me for no reason at all, and that ticks me off.

    back to my rant…

    Kindness heaps coals of fire, the word says.

    I want to get over this.

    It felt like Jack CD (I’m going to change his nickname to Sleaze) was practically begging me not to tell his new target the dirt I have on him.

    because he might actually care about her, and he doesn’t want her to lose respect for him.

    He didn’t care about me.

    I found out about his dirt, tried to be so compassionate, forgiving, patient, understanding, etc.

    Guess that made him lose respect for me…

    This is bothering me so much.

    The addiction.
    The abandonment.

    I don’t even have that strong of feelings for him, but I wanted to WIN.

    I wanted to be the one to REJECT.

    I wanted to be the one with the POWER.

    and I suppose I still do, in a way.

    My counselor recommend that I stay away from all mutual events, just like Rori did.

    It just makes me feel awful because I feel like she is better than me, because she would never put up with what I put up with…

    but that’s not true.

    I never threw myself at him the way that she is, and I can’t even tell you how proud I am of myself for that.

    The main thing that made me want to lean forward with him is to talk about all the dirt I found out about him…to work it out, and to show himt that I believed better of him…

    The thing is, he doesn’t even deserve his new target. She is way too high quality for him, and so am I.

    but that crap he pulls is SO addictive.

    Please don’t anyone tell me that I just need to shut up and CD.

    I absolutely think it’s healthy to “keep your options open” and to let a man see your high degree of difficulty, etc.

    I’m just still figuring out the logistics of it.

    haven’t had time to go through the material yet…

    Just needed to vent…

    I already feel better just venting…

    thankful…

    phew.



  232.  #232Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    prplpsn28 Mercedes did a good job responding. It reminded me of seeing a guy I was really into at a concert. I was determined to keep my atttention away from him. When I arrived he was talking to a friend who I went over to greet. My cd did not want to kiss me (but I think it was because of my friend), I greeted the friend with a kiss then left. The cd came after me and practically came after me and begged me to sit with him. I believe my vibe shifted after feeling rejected. There was another girl who is obviously attracted to him too who grabbed her things and came to sit on his other side. During the concert she kept engaging him in conversation so I focussed on ignoring him and enjoying myself. Dancing, screaming carrying on, until after a while he kind of joined in. The next thing I know he was stealing glances at me and trying to talk to me. Then he asked if there was a place to eat so I walked him down the road. After eating he pulled my chair into him and turned me around to face him and proceeded to talk about marriage. I was shocked because I had walked away some months back because he kept saying he did not want commitment. I just dropped all communication and basically walked away in my mind. That night he introduced me to the same girl and to several friends as his wife. I could tell that he was still uncertain because of some sounds he made after the introduction but it was the closest I had seen and felt him feeling safe with me. He never really followed up and the communication and dates started falling off again and I decided I was not going to chase him down. I do believe he is going to eventually contact me again but the last time I heard from him was January but I try everyday to let go. He comes to mind sometimes but I use the stop sign and talk to myself to let go energetically. I will not spiral and I will not mourn. I acknowledge that I still love him and wish him the best but that need that I felt I had for him I am determined to let go. I will be fine. The last time he text me he said “Am thinking of you. How u doing”? I responded “I feel surprised and flattered”. I have not heard from him since and everytime my mental energy goes over to him I bring myself back to me. Do I want him yes. But when we were together and consistently dating I felt like I needed him and tried to communicate that. At this point I still feel shaky but also like I don’t care. I want to be in a place that I feel happy for him if he is happy. It’s been a slow process and he might be with someone else but then again there are other guys who have since told me that they are crazy about me and want to marry me.

    Right now I am practicing in my head and my energy not needing a man yet picturing having my head cut in half with the top flap open as keeping an open mind around not needing a man but radiating confidence and that I want him. I also picture my heart peeping out between my lungs and opening to the whole as I radiate love. I meditate each day on a picture of my perfect life with my perfect relationship. I do this and believe I am closer now to what I will manifest into the world. I am not needing a man. What I more feel is a kind of joy and excitedly looking out to see my great internal creation showing itself in a form the world can see. Like I am a great creator believing in myself.



  233.  #233Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    It is hard to believe I even wrote that. It is like my twin self from an alternate Universe looking at me through a portal. Unbelievable almost how far I have come and how aware I am of raising my vibrations just writing that and feeling the excitement of my expectations of myself that I am awesome enough to create my life and to believe in myself and my worthiness.



  234.  #234Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I remember telling this guy I can’t bear to think of a day going by without connecting with him. I remember feeling his energy pulling away from me after I said that.



  235.  #235Mel on April 10, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    prplpsn28: “how in the world do you show a man that you love him without it seeming like you need him?”

    Mercedes gave a great answer! 🙂

    For me, I think that it is when you get to a place that you know, without a doubt, that you could be okay on your own. You may love your man, enjoy his company, feel appreciative of all that he gives you… but it’s not HIM that’s making you happy. It’s YOU.

    And that whole vibe says : I love you… but I don’t need you.

    The other day I was standing in the living room feeling sooooo vibrant and happy because I have been working really hard on some life goals and they’re finally starting to pay off. I was just talking animatedly, big smiles, huge hand gestures, bright eyes. I was feeling sooo excited and just wrapped up in my story. Mr. A came over and gave me a huge hug and kiss and said: “I just had to come over and see if this beautiful amazing woman in my living room was real!”

    I think that men love to please women. Especially if they feel appreciated for their efforts. Men want to share in our happiness, but they don’t want to feel responsible for it.

    Just my take… 🙂



  236.  #236Femininewoman on April 10, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    prplpsn28 – I also believe just showing appreciation for things he does for you and respect his decisions, his opinions, and his time will communicate your love. Admire his achievements. Respect him and trust him. I would practice doing these things with everyone around me if I were you so that it becomes a natural part of who you are.



  237.  #237Mel on April 10, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Wow FW… Thanks for sharing your story! 🙂



  238.  #238Mercedes on April 10, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    I think I’ll practice leaning back more. I don’t know if I really do it or not as I tend to just do what feels comfortable or right at the time. But…I like it when I do lean back and I want it to feel more natural maybe.

    But I want to lean back in the open sense. I want to practice showing J that there is no resistance and I’m not avoiding him or playing games or trying to get him to lean forward. I want to see how it feels to just receive.

    I will physically lean back on the couch when we are watching a movie together. My arms and legs and body will be open to receiving him. When he looks at me I will make eye contact and smile at him. He will know I am open to him. He will know I’m not leaning away…I’m leaning back. He will know I am ready to receive.

    When I’ve done this in the past, he has come to me and kissed me or at the very least touched me. That was quite a while ago I think (at least quite a while ago that I can remember doing it consciously). I wonder if it will have the same effect. I want to know that and I’m ready to lean back naturally and consistently.

    I will still initiate and lean forward sometimes…I do that from time to time and it feels good to me. I do it, as Dominique says, without expectations though. Always. But I’d like to see what it feels like to physically lean back consistently while still being open.

    J leans forward and initiates almost all of the time. I wonder if he will even notice the difference. I wonder if leaning back even “works” on him because I usually don’t have time to lean back…he’s already taken control before I have the opportunity to initiate or to adjust my posture. I like that.

    But I’m not really talking about the not initiating or not texting him first or not being available to him all the time (we are both pretty available to each other…it’s how we have been for a very long time now). I’m really talking more about physically leaning back in his presence and keeping my body, my eyes, my vibe, my lips and my heart open to him. Welcoming him to come to me. I wonder if he will still move toward me like he used to when I would lean back. It used to be immediate. I wonder if it will still be.

    I’m going to experiment. I imagine him being mesmerized by it. I picture him being almost hypnotized into moving toward me. I can’t wait to kiss him when he’s mesmerized. 🙂

    Just writing…and wondering…and visualizing…

    (J called me Wonder Woman today. I asked him if he knew how much time I actually spent “wondering” things?)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  239.  #239Dominique on April 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    I want to add my thoughts around needing your man. I DO need my man, and I LOVE that I need him, BUT there is a BIG difference between needing him which could also translate as wanting him very, very much i my life, and being needy.

    Neediness feels clingy and desperate.

    Needing my man feels like love and adoration and just so much more having him in my life than not, by so much preferring him next to me on the couch than at work away from me.

    YET I feel perfectly content spending my days as I do when he is at work. I feel happy without him there too.

    Make sense?

    xxoo



  240.  #240Dominique on April 10, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    And Femininewoman, I’ve told you this before though I think there can never be too much acknowledgment, you HAVE grown SO much. You have SO transformed from Masculinewoman.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  241.  #241Zia on April 10, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    Tereana 209: !! I was thinking recently how I’d like to cut my hair back, and thought to myself “but the boys prefer longer hair so i should probably keep growing it”

    THANK YOU!!! It seems that I need constant reminding that I am taking time FOR ME right now, and if *I* prefer my hair a bit shorter and want to cut it then by golly I should do it!!

    I am actually laughing to myself right now (which is better than beating myself up) at the fact that this is all so new to me that I need reminders from everywhere that I am doing things for me, and me alone.



  242.  #242Zia on April 10, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    227: prplpsn28 unfortunately in my case, i spent 9 years with a man who never felt that way, and left me and married someone else less than two years after we broke up.

    it does happen, it’s up to us to realise if the relationship we are in is what we want. i would say i wish i knew this then but i don’t. because each “failed” relationship has been a step on the path that has brought me to this place now, and in a place where i am ready to actually take in the information i need.



  243.  #243Syrena on April 10, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    230: IamHis.

    I feel your hurt. hugs
    Feel curious what happened?
    Do you think he is just doing what he does, if you are observing him doing the same again with this other girl?



  244.  #244Zia on April 10, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    I am feeling excited, I PM’d my hairdresser telling her i’ve decided to chop my hair, she is going to find a new style for me. Change it up!!!! I feel happy and giddy.



  245.  #245prplpsn28 on April 10, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Thank you so much everyone for the feedback.

    Dominique 238. Yes, it does make sense.



  246.  #246Stacie on April 10, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Rori,
    I am in need of your advice once again! I am in a new relationship. It was going so good, he was texting and calling me almost every night in the beginning and now, I seem to be doing all the texting and calling. I have talked to him about this and he says that he just doesn’t like to do these things and that it’s nothing personal but that he’s just been really busy. He says that he does wants to hear from me. But to me, it’s an issue because I feel that he should take the time to send a message asking me how my day was etc, it’s not like I’m asking much. We used to go out once a week and recently, due to his job.. he’s a farmer, he hasn’t had the time to go out much lately. I am trying to be understanding, however, two nights ago he was able to make time to practice with his band members. I guess I feel that if he can make time for them, why can’t he make the time for me. I haven’t addressed this with him as I feel it may be too soon in the relationship for me to bring this up. I don’t want to scare him away. Would you suggest that I step back from him at this point and see what happens? I don’t want to come across as a desperate woman who is waiting around for him or who will tolerate someone only being available when it’s convenient for them. I don’t want to be the only one doing all the work in the relationship. But on the other hand, he did share with me that he doesn’t care for his cell phone and wishes that he could go back to the time when we didn’t have one. He is very old school I guess you could say! I do understand that he has a busy lifestyle with his job so maybe I do need to be understanding. I have been told by my friends/family that when I am in relationships, I tend to over think things too much and I feel that maybe I am doing that in this case. There must be a reason I am still single and never been married at my age! That is why I am writing to you. I appreciate your advise and really value it and would really appreciate your input on my situation. 🙂



  247.  #247Olivia on April 10, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Hi Stacie – it sounds like me a few months ago!
    Have you read Rori’s ebook?

    I was in a similar position, where I felt like I was giving too much, and the guy wasn’t meeting me, and I was so caught up and frequently in tears and obsessing and questioning myself. I decided to commit to doing the Rori tools for one month and see what would happen.

    It’s a win, win situation: your feelings will emerge, his feelings will emerge, the whole situation will be shaken up and feel weird but at least it will be different and it could 100% turn around into what you want -even though it may look a little different. For example, exactly on point, I’d love a little phone call from my guy every single day telling me how he feels. But he doesn’t. But now I feel SO OKAY about that because of all the ways (HIS ways) he shows me he cares now, and I am no longer insecure at all about how he feels for me. I don’t even care about the daily phone call thing anymore!

    Decide to not make any decisions during the month. You will feel GOOD doing the tools! And THEN see in 30 days what you want to do.

    This is what assisted me. 🙂



  248.  #248Luzydel on April 10, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    To be happy no matter what happens. Knowing that I will be fine even if I am taking a chance.

    Been spending more time with CaptainCd than any other CD, he fills my free time and I enjoy it. The little monster in my head try to come out and I feel hesitant, scared, and defensive. I do not resist them anymore, I just feel them. I cannot know or control anything. Just knowing I will be fine regardless is the only thing I can control.

    Was talking to Kcd over the phone. Our conversations turn friend like and it feels good to talk to another man.

    I feel afraid of getting too close to CaptainCD and then he changing on me and disappearing or telling me all these mean things about why he can’t love me. Then I know this is ll in my head, based on past experiences. I feel the fear, but I don’t feed it so it doesn’t grow bigger.

    This song comes to mind when I feel scared of the unknown…

    That I would be good even if I did nothing
    That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
    That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
    That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

    That i would be fine even even if I went bankrupt
    That i would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
    That i would be great if I was no longer queen
    That i would be grand if i was not all knowing

    That i would be loved even when i numb myself
    That i would be good even when i am overwhelmed
    That i would be loved even when i was fuming
    That i would be good even if i was clingy

    That i would be good even if i lost sanity
    That i would be good
    Whether with or without you



  249.  #249Rori Raye on April 10, 2013 at 8:01 pm


  250.  #250Zia on April 10, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Thank you for sharing Lyzudel/Rori. I felt so moved listening to it. There’s still so much sadness in me.



  251.  #251k2012 on April 10, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    “Responding to me or said something I could move on…at least I would have gotten some closure…I know Rori says u don’t need closure & that’s true…But when someone just leaves u hanging it takes a few weeks or more to realize its over…Especially if u were trying to practice choosing trust…Now u need to do a total mind flip & instead Choose Move On.” 139-Heart. Oh Heart your guy disappeared on u? Don’t remember if I heard. The idea that Rori has about not needing closure, I totally disagree with it. I think closure is necessary as a final thing. I see u share that view too. If you do not get closure Heart, you may have to give yourself. I did. I deleted everything, pics on my phone, email address, phone numbers which were all under his name on my BB. Facebook was the last to go but I totally forgotten about the pics on my camera which I couldn’t delete before cause the camera wasn’t working. How long since he disappeared? Have u tried calling him?



  252.  #252k2012 on April 10, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    I realized very quickly it was over. It didn’t take me weeks at all. He disappeared on Friday and by Sunday, everything except facebook and the pics on my camera were gone. By about the Sunday morning.



  253.  #253seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    Turns out………….. I’m good great grand fine super duper loved squishy shining happy I can be all just super. Big smile. I feel a strong peace. I feel love. I feel tired, but a really great tired. Grace………… yeah. Pink jammies and favorite soft pink blanket. Sweet dreams



  254.  #254Zia on April 10, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    I actually love the idea of no closure!! Because as much as I thought I needed it, I never really had it anyway. I’d talk and talk and discuss and ask him to tell me this and tell me that and IS IT DEFINITELY OVER but a part of me would hope he wasn’t or there was a second chance. So I never really had closure until my heart was healed, regardless of what he or I said.

    So leaving things open and just letting him walk off my bridge into whatever dead ends he’s at, and moving along that bridge myself until someone joins me and leads me feels so much better.

    Move FORWARD, not move on/have closure. Leave him behind. If he wants to follow, or catch up, then great! I love this and it feels so good to finally have this as a way of thinking instead of always needing closure.



  255.  #255seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    And grateful!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!! Really big smile!!!



  256.  #256seahorse on April 10, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Zia- I feel smiling and like “WOOOO HOOOOO!!! Giddy up girl!!! Jump on your horse and let’s ride sweet siren!!!!!! Tally hooooooo!!!!!!



  257.  #257k2012 on April 10, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    Zia-254. I definitely left him behind. The final closure came 2 weeks after my birthday when I finally deleted him from facebook. My birthday was in November and he wrote Happy birthday on my facebook page. I ignored him and spitefully clicked like at everyone’s happy birthday except his. Yes I know I was being spiteful but I didn’t care. Family and friends were in total agreement with what I did. As usual, I thanked everyone for their warm birthday wishes (on facebook) but it goes without saying that after what he did, there was NO way I was going to single him out. 2 weeks after my birthday, I deleted the bastard from my facebook account. He tried to call me twice and the coward hang up before I answered. If I was to see him now at any of our school reunions (we were in the same yeargroup at high school and were coworkers and good friends before we got involved), I would just step past him without a word. He would have to be the one who would say hi. Of course, I would answer him pleasantly, but I would hold no conversation with him. Thankfully I got over him in December, a few weeks after my birthday so I gave myself closure.



  258.  #258Indigo on April 10, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    It is a good and powerful feeling to take my eyes and my mind off the other person, and think instead about what I WANT for my life.

    I washed my hair and let it go all curly and wild, like a Celtic princess, rather than straightening it like I usually do.

    I realise that far too much in relationships, I have been wrapped up in the other person – what do they feel, why do they do what they do, trying to understand them, what can I do to convince them. Instead of taking a giant step back, and thinking, “is this what I want?” It’s not my job to fix or solve another person, it’s my job to know what I want and don’t want, and to stand up for that.



  259.  #259k2012 on April 10, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    That’s right Indigo. Are u going through a breakup too?



  260.  #260Tereana on April 11, 2013 at 12:12 am

    Zia, re: your hair – Awesome!!! 🙂 I feel so excited for you and your new (soon-to-be) ‘do ; )



  261.  #261Tereana on April 11, 2013 at 12:19 am

    Ladies, I feel exhausted. I’ve just had a long, hard day, with a lot of ups and downs. Tomorrow promises to be a full day, too. I have to get my taxes at least nearly finished. I have two resumes to write up. And get my shoes fixed for an evening event. I’m nervous and I don’t know what to expect.

    A lot of emotional stuff came up for me today. I know I need some support. Like professional, I mean. I don’t feel like I can afford it right now. I’m still in home-bouncing-around-mode. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just need more support of all different kinds….(you all give good support in the CDing area – I’m talking about from the world, people, in general…)



  262.  #262Millie on April 11, 2013 at 1:01 am

    Hi Rori-
    I love the email you sent out “Before you sleep with him, read this..,” Christian really had some enlightening advice. Thank you for that! I’ve often experienced men wanting an “instant relationship” with me and how it makes me feel so disconnected to them, even more so after sex. I see the problem on both sides now. I’m new to the comments, but I wanted to share how amazing I feel right now! Everything in my life seems to be aligning in this beautiful way that makes me feel so good. I’m not dating anyone, but I love the place my life is at right now. Sometimes when I read the emails and blog posts, I feel like everything I’ve said and done with the men of my past is wrong and I feel so far away from who I need to be. But today..I read it, and the voice in my head said–maybe it was never about being “wrong” or “right” with anything you said or did, IT just wasn’t right. I believe that. I feel like I’ve conquered this unconscious blame inside me, blaming myself for not “inspiring him” or not creating a safe space for him to share his feelings…I’m using the pronoun generally. It is liberating to not feel responsible or like I had some sort of control that I misused. Looking back I say to myself–whether what I said or did was “right/wrong” (improving myself and words is a never ending process that i’m happy to do) I’m glad I’m not with any of those guys because I didn’t feel inspired with them anyways.
    Thank you again for all your advice I learn something new about myself every day.



  263.  #263sha-sha on April 11, 2013 at 1:19 am

    My mothers husband is such a a**hole most the time I feel like shaking the shit out of him
    He is so damn jealous of my dead father anytime I bring up old stories or memories of my dad he flipps out on
    My mother and calls my Dad or my grandparnets Ex’s….WTF dude there not Exs my mother didn’t
    Get a damn divorce my father and his parnets died! That’s a huge difference! My father didn’t leave Us by choice
    I swear sometimes moms husband makes me so damn angeer! He knows how to push the buttons
    I never met a grown ass 50yr old so damn jealous and intimidated by dead people
    He takes this to a new level of crazy! He really triggers me with this subject
    Like are family is not important and we dnt mean shit or idk he makes me feel like he wants Us to forget about where we came from
    To make him feel good!! Well F**k that!

    Damn I love this blog I needed to release that built up anger before I. Flipped out on this Dude
    Xoxoxox (((shasha)))



  264.  #264sha-sha on April 11, 2013 at 1:28 am

    Hi ladies



  265.  #265Femininewoman on April 11, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Hi sha sha



  266.  #266joan T on April 11, 2013 at 2:21 am

    What your telling me It is not over. Just let it be, sit
    back in my lazyboy chair. Let God be in control if
    this, is that right. To Be honety with I was too strong
    with every thing. I have . I have been waiting and
    listening to my self. Everything with me is good.



  267.  #267Zia on April 11, 2013 at 3:11 am

    Indigo 258: I absolutely hear you. It is what I have one in past relationships.

    I go so far as when I’m alone, and experiencing things, I wish that “someone was with me to see how well i experience this an how much I love it”. I know this has been a thing for be ever since I can remember, but I’m learning to experience things for ME! And not always wish that there was someone else to see me experience it too. It’s feels weird to admit that.

    I bought myself a skirt (I never wear skirts) in a colour I’d never normally go for. I am going to do this “CHANGE EVERYTHING” that Rori says, and I’m excited about it.

    Today was a draining day emotion wise. A couple who are dear friends (and who have a wonderful relationship, they are the relationship I look to as inspiration) had their baby today. I cried, so much. It triggered me in such a deep way, but what came up was so much sadness and longing. I allowed myself to feel all this and told myself it was ok. I feel happy for them of course, but I felt so sad at the fact that I didn’t have that. But the great thing was I felt these feelings, and they passed. They came back a few times but less each time.

    I missed my ex, and felt like I wanted to tell him so, but I didn’t. I wrote down how I felt instead. And I KNEW that if I texted him to tell him I missed him, that I would get the same response along the lines of “i miss you, it’s hard to let you go, but i don’t trust you” and it would make me feel bad. And I recognise that I don’t want to feel bad anymore so I must stop doing things that make me feel bad.

    I feel like there is so much yet to come up from deep within on this journey and it feels scary but exciting.



  268.  #268Indigo on April 11, 2013 at 3:34 am

    k2012 259

    We broke up some months ago, but carried on spending time together because of feelings and closeness that was still there. And I have decided that I ABSOLUTELY do NOT WANT this any more. This half-starved, uncommitted arrangement which causes endless longing and neglects so many of my basic needs. That and I felt as if I was having games played with me, and this man has very serious problems to do with his anger and moods (which he would take out on ME). And I lacked the self-esteem, or the strength, or the ability to really see what was going on, or just plain hadn’t stood up for what I wanted and didn’t want as yet.

    I loved this man a great deal and had already gone through most of the pain, whilst I was with him, a thousand times. This feels less painful, healthier, hard, but it doesn’t hurt as much.



  269.  #269Indigo on April 11, 2013 at 3:38 am

    Zia,

    Yes, yes and YES!! This is a wonderful revelation to have:

    “And I recognise that I don’t want to feel bad anymore so I must stop doing things that make me feel bad.”

    I know for myself, when I was getting wrapped up in someone else, and what they were thinking, feeling, and why, I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it. It was second nature to me. It took someone to point out to me that what I wanted was getting lost in the process.

    These days, if I find myself slipping back into that way of thinking, I take a giant step back and ask myself what I want, and how does this situation FEEL for me.



  270.  #270Zia on April 11, 2013 at 4:11 am

    I am triggered again by the words her husband wrote, and I can’t stop crying. But I don’t feel sad or longing. I don’t know what I’m feeling. I know that they have the sort of relationship that I dream of, and want for myself. But I don’t feel jealous. I don’t think I feel sad. I am trying to sit with these tears but I don’t know why they are coming. Is it just an overwhelming release?



  271.  #271Femininewoman on April 11, 2013 at 6:02 am

    Longing maybe Zia?

    Also wondering if you believe you are worthy?



  272.  #272joan T on April 11, 2013 at 6:05 am

    In 2000 He tell me to what happening in this country,
    and the world. He was warning me about the wrong
    the goverment will do, He has no computer, no cell
    phone, he got 1980 car. He does not trust Federal
    Government. I asked him if anything gets more bad
    to take me with him.



  273.  #273Femininewoman on April 11, 2013 at 6:05 am

    Yayy you Indigo



  274.  #274BeLoved on April 11, 2013 at 6:15 am

    Oh happy day 🙂

    OM was last night….purrrrrrrrrr….
    I felt totally blissed again and SO grateful for a conscientious partner who wants me to feel pleasured and good because I was a little bit stuck in old thought patterns of, “Well, this doesn’t feel so great but maybe if I relax I’ll get used to it.”

    I have TRAINING in vulvic sexual healing, and am informed of the tendency of women to turn towards the pain and want the pain stimulated rather than the pleasure and *still* was just lying there. OMcd was very sensitive to my level of relaxation and gently shifted pressure and position, little by little, until I felt totally relaxed and gasped, “OH! Yes!” Only then did I realized what I had been doing.

    I slept soooooooooooooooo good.

    He texted early in the day to confirm, and to say he would call when he left the house, he did call and then texted on the way to let me know he was going to be a few minutes late because multiple traffic lights were out due to a storm that hit yesterday…all providing me with a sense of safety, feeling considered and informed.

    We had great conversation and on the way out, he said, “I like how open-minded you are.” It felt good to hear it and also felt good to realize I hadn’t even really considered whether he would like me or not 😀 There were a few times when we were discussing agreements that he was sliding off into what seemed ambiguous to me so I clarified a few times to be sure we were on the same page as far as scheduling and contact which felt powerful to me, I felt strong and secure in myself. I felt like a real live grown woman.

    And blissed. Did I mention blissed? Curled up stretching satisfied drooling settled in to my comfy quilt with a big sigh and permagrin to sleep blissed.

    Yesterday I asked one of the men I work with if we could get together and start our day in prayer so we did that this morning. I felt SO much love for him and from him – he grabbed my hands and his hands felt so warm and gentle holding mine, I felt connected with him at the heart and when I was alone in my office, I heard a voice inside say, “That was more for him than you, Beloved, you know that don’t you? He needed that from you, being touched and loved by a woman is a gift beyond measure.”

    I feel tears and soft joy like cottony fluff and a feeling of spacious reverence for love.

    I AM love.

    I also realized through an interaction with a co-worker that judgment and attachment to self-image cloud empathy. He was describing a fears of flying and why and for a minute I was sort of being provocative and acting a little bada$$…”oh, *I* never felt that way..blah blah” then stopped short and I could really imagine, being on a plane as he had, that had to make an emergency landing with engine failure, and suddenly I could totally see through his eyes and felt a surge of delicious connective sensation flowing through my being, maybe between us. While I was judging him as being ‘weak’ and thinking of myself as being different or better or focused on what I imagined *I* would do, I felt as if in a box, sharp, stiff, separate.

    The instant I dropped those defenses, there was understanding, love, comraderie, friendliness, connection, ease, laughter.

    Yum. Yum. Yum.
    I love who I have become.



  275.  #275IamHis on April 11, 2013 at 6:51 am

    asking FOR compassion and forgiveness.

    asking to BE FILLED with compassion and forgiveness.

    ready to let this go…

    I love the scary, ugly anger inside of me. It feels like grief and pain and heat and fire and life.

    I accept it.

    I feel cool relief accepting it.

    Today, I feel awe for the way light pierced the ground and the sky.

    I felt connected to that. the piercing that is life-giving. the piercing that splits the past and the future and dawns into the light of now.

    I felt such deep sadness and this longing, aching hope looking at it.

    I felt nuturing, giving myself hot coffee this morning. The flavor tasted familiar, made me feel trembly and excited. The heat sliding down into my cool body. Goosebumps.

    I felt tingly.

    I felt so open listening to the gift of music I was given. I felt like wide, open, warm sand stretched out with sunlight and leather.

    The smell of leather, the feel of leather. I feel connected to the masculine, protected in the masculine.

    I was hugged and smiled at by the masculine.

    that was real.

    I want more real.

    Please forgive me.
    I want forgiveness.
    Forgiveness is the blood flowing in my veins.
    I feel it pumping through me.
    It is life-giving.



  276.  #276IamHis on April 11, 2013 at 6:55 am

    @262 Millie – I love this. Thank you.



  277.  #277Femininewoman on April 11, 2013 at 8:04 am

    OMG Beloved. I wish I was as brave as you are to try that OM 🙂



  278.  #278BeLoved on April 11, 2013 at 8:27 am

    277

    FW – what if you are?!



  279.  #279Femininewoman on April 11, 2013 at 8:50 am

    I would experiment. I don’t know about doing it with a stranger.



  280.  #280Mercedes on April 11, 2013 at 9:31 am

    Beloved: I’m a little bit confused about this experience of yours. Is this guy someone you are dating or is this a business arrangement? You call him OMcd but OM is really a business and not a date. But then you said:

    “We had great conversation and on the way out, he said, “I like how open-minded you are.” It felt good to hear it and also felt good to realize I hadn’t even really considered whether he would like me or not ”

    which feels like something you would say about an actual cd. You write about this like it is a business arrangement but…I don’t know. Are you circular dating this guy or paying him? lol

    I’m trying to understand where this all might be taking you emotionally but I can’t quite wrap my head around it because I don’t understand the relationship you have with this guy…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  281.  #281Indigo on April 11, 2013 at 9:40 am

    Thank you Feminine Woman 🙂

    I feel yay me too.



  282.  #282BeLoved on April 11, 2013 at 11:09 am

    280

    I call him OMcd because I am practicing tools with him like with anyone else.

    I am NOT paying him!! lol
    I’m not sure where you got the idea that OM is a business?
    Officially, “OMing is a term coined by Nicole Daedone to signify a
    mindfulness practice in which the object of meditation is finger to genital contact.”

    It is a highly pleasurable, mutual meditative experience.

    We are two consenting adults negotiating and exploring a mutually desired experience.

    I’ve told him what I need to feel good and safe, and he has agreed to my requests.
    He hasn’t put any explicit requests on the table.

    And…that’s all there is to it, for now.

    As my or his needs change, we will renegotiate our agreements. I get that kind of transaction isn’t for everyone and I don’t care, because I’m not living my life to please anyone else and I don’t expect or demand anyone else live the way I live 🙂

    I call him OMcd because Rori says, “Circular Dating is not really about “dating” – it’s a therapeutic technique you use with everyone – man, woman, child “.

    I use the tools with him, it’s good practice to learn about myself, what’s going on with me like…knowing I wanted phone contact but not asking for it or giving myself permission to acknowledge it as a ‘need’ until I felt stressed about it.

    If he didn’t agree to use the phone to set up dates

    http://www.thefreedictionary.com/date
    date 1 (dt)
    n.
    >”6. An appointment”<

    and doesn't in the future, then I will not want to continue.

    I don't know where it is going, emotionally, and I am committed to nurturing and cultivating my emotional health and stability and trust me to care for myself, to not become romantically or sexually entangled with anyone who doesn't or can't support me.

    I love love love and appreciate so much that you want to understand…and I know in my soul that you care for my heart and I love you so much for that!!!

    But if you still can't understand it and wrap your mind around it, can that be okay??

    ((((Mercedes))))



  283.  #283Turquoise on April 11, 2013 at 11:39 am

    Hi sirens. Just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you!



  284.  #284Shar Lean Way Back on April 11, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    New thread up



  285.  #285Mercedes on April 11, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Beloved: Oh yes…I can certainly be okay with not being able to wrap my head around it but you gave me a pretty good explanation so I think I have it. I was thinking he was an actual date (OMcd). When I cd in general (ie not dates but being open to people, flirting, etc), I don’t think of them as actual cds so it was confusing for me.

    Statements like this are what make me refer to it as a business: “As my or his needs change, we will renegotiate our agreements. ”

    That is what we do when it comes to business but for us (J and I), we don’t “renegotiate our agreements” when it comes to pleasure situations. It was just confusing for me. I’m really okay with people participating in it (although it certainly wouldn’t be for me), I just didn’t grasp the difference between cd and someone who is being “contracted” (for lack of a better word) for business.

    It’s all good. Thanks for clarifying it.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  286.  #286Turquoise on April 11, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    What does OM stand for?



  287.  #287BeLoved on April 11, 2013 at 1:30 pm


  288.  #288Zia on April 11, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    FM 271: both of those things i wrote in my feelings journal. i realise that even though i thought i was ready, i haven’t felt worthy of that sort of love and connection.



  289.  #289Olivia on April 11, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    @Zia “And I recognise that I don’t want to feel bad anymore so I must stop doing things that make me feel bad.”

    So simple and beautiful.



  290.  #290MovingMagic on April 11, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    I’ve been focused on healing for such a long time. I know healing is a life long journey & that its focus comes in waves. I’m finding my focus changing shape. I feel so much more interested in creating & reaching new heights within dance, performance & my physical abilities. My dream to start a dance collective is at my fingertips. I can feel it beckoning to me just ahead. The internal work I’ve been doing has opened my eyes and my heart, exposing more of me to myself. I needed to get to this place of confidence, acceptance & love in order to see my worth & innate beauty. I feel like that’s Roris true objective..to get women to a place of love & internal peace…so much so that we’re able to live, speak & be our own personal truth. True vulnerability. Hip swaying goddesses, heads back, glistening in the sun.



  291.  #291LoveAlways on April 12, 2013 at 10:34 am

    omg, that was funny! I never saw that snl skit before!



  292.  #292Alicia on May 12, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    Hey Rori!

    I am really in deseperate need of help here. This is kinda long…

    So I met this amazing guy ( Ima call him hope )through his friend (Let’s call him Key). Key has always been hitting on me since last year in school. (all 3 of us are college students). Once Key was asking me for my number and Hope was with Key but Hope never said anything to me. Ever since when Hope sees me he smiles and says hi and i do the same. I like him. and it was obvious he was into me. So for a lil project in our drama class we were to hire other students from the campus and ask them to help us in our lil video. I asked him to play the role of my druggy boyfriend in the video and he said yes. We did the role and all but i was planning to do a kiss scene in the movie but he said no. He said he recently broke up with his gf 2 weeks ago and doesnt wanna start drama with her. So i said cool and all we did was hug. I was sorta dissappointed but i guess thats ok. Well we still are talking and its been only a week. About 4 days of talking i asked him for Key’s number and Hope started joking around that Key was my man and i said he wasnt. I got key’s number and we were talking on the phone last night and he turns out to be a typical sexual guy. Key was being very disrespectful asking me sexual questions, and when i told him how i felt about him doing that he said i was being sensitive. I just got out of a relationship with a typical guy like that so i stopped talking to Key. I called Hope the other day and told him what happened and Hope just laughed about it. I really like Hope.

    Now heres the problem:

    Hope wont ask me out. I dont even know if he likes me anymore but I am anxious to find out. I know its only been a week but i dont know what to do. He will always forget to call back, sometimes he won’t even text me back till I text him. And if i dont text him at all he does finally text me asking me how i am doing and all that. But i really want him to ask me out and tell me how he feels. What should I do? And how should i do it? I really need help.

    PS: I have bought Christian Carter’s “Catch Him and Keep Him” and I have been following all that Christian has mentioned. I was going to buy “Have the Relationship You Want” but i thought it’s the same concept so i didnt. Plus I saw a video of you and him and I figured that it is almost the same. But I am very lost at the moment. It would be helpful if you could tell me anything that is different in your book. I personally like your advice and have been using that too. My friend has been giving them to me through the newsletters she recieves from you. And once again, please tell me how to take me and Hope to a whole new level. I know its too fast but I really like him and really want him to ask me out. I dont wanna be the one making the first move. I hope you understand and Reply asap!

    Thanks,

    Alicia



  293.  #293Rori Raye on May 12, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    Alicia, I love Christian Carter – and his work is nothing like mine. Please read everything you can here on the blog, and work with the ebook. You are chasing down a man who is clearly not interested….I know being “laid back” is very common with college-aged guys – but a man who wouldn’t take you up on a kiss is not a good bet for anything. The question is – why are you chasing a man who didn’t want to even kiss you – regardless of the reason? No means no. Things don’t change. He’s not asking you out and he’s not calling you. Interpreting this any other way than the obvious is not helping your self-esteem, or anything else. Go out with guys who want to get in your pants, at least! YOU say “No” to THEM for sex, but not for dates! Love, Rori



  294.  #294Alicia on May 13, 2013 at 3:32 am

    Thanks Rori,

    I guess you are right. But tbh about 2 days ago Hope did mention how we didnt kiss. He was putting it on me till i reminded him that he was the one who didnt wanna kiss. he laughed about it and said true true. but from this i kinda got the vibe that he actually did want to kiss me. Is there anyway Rori, that I can make him fall for me? I mean he does make a move when i lay back to let him do some work. he will txt me and apologize for not calling or anything like that. This week that i have been talking to him, i was sick with a cold. I told him i needed a hug but he didnt give me one saying he likes to be complicated. Please Rori help me.

    Thanks,

    Alicia



  295.  #295Femininewoman on May 13, 2013 at 6:41 am

    Hi Alicia.

    The vibe behind your words seem desperate. Remember you are the prize. Think you are All That to amp up your self esteem.



  296.  #296Alicia on May 13, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    I do realize that i sound desperate. I was wondering how to fix that too. Like i try to play hard to get but with every guy I fail. I act extremely needy and desperate no matter how hard i try. How do I work on that skill?



  297.  #297Millie on May 13, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Alicia I’m not too familiar with Christian Carter’s work, just the few newsletters Rori has included him in, so I can’t compare his work to Rori’s, but I CAN say that Rori’s ebook “Have the Relationship you Want” opened my eyes to so many things I was doing and attitudes I was holding that were working against me with men and in life. I highly recommend it as the key (no pun intended) for changing your “needy and desperate” vibe. While the blog is a great forum for discussion, the book gives you a strong foundation for really understanding yourself and how to use the tools.



  298.  #298Millie on May 13, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    Hi Alicia,
    I’m not too familiar with Christian Carter’s work, except for newsletters Rori has included him in, so I can’t compare his work, but I CAN say that Rori’s “Have the Relationship you want” is essential to transforming a “needy” vibe. I highly recommend it, it has really opened my eyes to many things I was doing and attitudes I had that were working against me. For me, it serves as a foundation for understanding the tools, how to use them, and ultimately understanding yourself. I’m glad I invested in it!