If He Unfriends You On Facebook – Drop Him!

Untitled design (14)

relationshipHere’s a letter that actually made me feel hopping mad!

“Hi Rori,

I am feeling all stuck and screwed up again over this man – I’ll call him “J”.

He came back again since last time. We had another batch of seeing each other. This time I didn’t sleep with him and I stayed leaned back. Last week he mailed me and asked to see me. I said ‘It would feel GREAT to see you and I don’t feel good accepting dates without a time and confirmed plan.’

There was no response.

This week he has ‘unfriended’ me on Facebook.

I think it is because at my birthday party (a few weeks ago) I let another man dance with me (and he also kissed me briefly when we were alone). Then “J” kinda stepped in and ‘claimed’ me. Bear in mind before the party I had not seen J for about a month and he was not stepping up at my party either. Of course I don’t KNOW this is the reason… it is likely though.

I feel so confused.

I mean I had come to terms with that he may not step up but this (being unfriended) really cuts!

So what do I do here? Do I ask message him and ask him ‘Hey you have unfriended me, how come?’ or do I just stay leaned back and not do anything?

I also feel guilty about kissing his friend.

Thanks as Ever Rori.


My Answer:

Ruthie – I so rarely give such firm advice – DROP THIS MAN LIKE A COLD POTATO!!!! NOW.

Whyever you feel the need to have anything to do with him – it’s about YOU punishing YOU.

Get away from him and start online dating like mad…give it a bigger push than you have been.

Do NOT ask him anything!!!

Unfriending you is about the stupidest, most immature, unmanly thing a guy can do. Drop him!!!

Sincerely, Rori Raye”


I don’t know why J was at Ruthie’s party, and I know that I’ve kissed more than one man at a party and thought – looking back especially – that it was pretty cool, but this facebook thing is way over the top for me.

It’s like high school.

The whole thing about relationships is this:  Intimacy is not natural, not now, not with the way our experiences and society has made us think.

So – every step we take toward intimacy is going to feel wrong.

Unsafe and wrong. UNTIL…we DO it!  And it FEELS GOOD!!!

It’s our job to overturn those ideas about what’s right and wrong and learn to TALK to a man.  To SHARE ourselves with every man around in the most authentic, lovely way possible.

If you can’t talk, you can’t be intimate.

A man who uses facebook to shut you out is a man who can’t talk.  It’s like the bad father who slams the door on you.

Get rid of any man who shuts you out. Period.

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 24, 2011 at 7:26 am

    No he hasn’t

  2.  #2Lyka on October 24, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Is that Ella’s story?

  3.  #3VW on October 24, 2011 at 7:35 am



    Now, what does that makes of me? I deleted two guys who I dated and befriended me on Fb; Initially, i accepted, later to notice…i felt awkward to have them on my page…and more so…i noticed feeling tempted to look at their page and triggered finding out things i was not interested in knowing…:(

    Am i acting like a high-school “cheerleader” to?

    warm hugs

  4.  #4sammie sighs on October 24, 2011 at 7:48 am

    VW that puts a bit of percpective on it I unfriended my ex as it too hurt to much to see him hmmmmm…

  5.  #5mali on October 24, 2011 at 7:51 am

    @ VW

    I was in tears reading this, because I yesterday unfriended a man who has been really good to me, but I can feel myself getting attached; I didn’t even want to see his name, it’s important to me that I “move on” so to speak, or transfer that focus on myself.

    I believe that if you feel better not having them on your page, that’s what is right for you. It is our job to receive, so to have a man who has been chasing a woman suddenly “unfriend” her, that really is immature. I’m not sure I make much sense…

  6.  #6VW on October 24, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Hmm…i feel fear building up as i am contemplating sharing my thoughts /dilemmas…

    I think what goes for the goose should go for the geese…this dude has the right to delete whoever…

    When this happens to me, for example, the answer is not in asking anybody what u should do, but work through your own feelings…

    Yes, it feels bad…it sucks…it hurts…
    Everytime my mind switches to my left side and tries to “think” why it happened and what did i do…gentle bring it back…to my heart…unzip it…feel it…and stay still…

    Hmm…i feel a bit judgmental this morning twds Roothie who is supposedly an experienced Siren…:( I noticed a lot of “crises” and “poor me”…”what should i do?” and “rescue me” stories …:(…thank u…thank u…more healing for me on this…

  7.  #7mali on October 24, 2011 at 8:04 am

    I think the reason Rori has given such firm advice is because he withdrew intimacy by way of the internet. But ofcourse, we don’t know his thoughts or intentions… I’m not sure.

    But I know that it is my job to look after me, to take care of me when I feel sad.

    Unfriending this man was an act of loving me.

    In fact, I will paste the post I wrote on the previous thread here:

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted here, but I wanted to share something with you Sirens.

    For the past three years, I’ve known a guy, let’s all him Alex.
    He loves about two hours away from me, and we’re both busy studying.
    He’s always been a complete gentleman to me, taken care of me when I’ve seen him, and I’ve just felt so GOOD and sireny around him.
    The thing is, we don’t maintain much contact, and we don’t see eachother much either. He treats me so well when I see him, and he’s eager to see me whenever I’m in his hometown, however at times he forgets or doesn’t get back to me about meeting up.
    I sense sincerity on his part, especially when he messages me, offering a hug, or words of comfort and advice when he sees statuses of mine on facebook as feeling sad or hurt, and I truly appreciate it.

    However, after three years, a part of me *still* likes him. I know that, considering our history of communication and meeting up, I need to try and let this go. He’s a good man, but I know that the repeated “getting stuck” on him when I do see him, and the wondering of what ifs isn’t doing me any good.

    So I’ve deleted him from my facebook account and all other IM applications.
    The only way of communication is thru my number. I’m sure that at somepoint he will ask me why I deleted him, and when that time comes, this will be my speech:

    “I feel really vulnerable saying this to you, and scared. It is so important to keep myself happy and to look after myself. I think you’re a wonderful man, and over time I began to develop feelings for you. That scared me. I’ve loved seeing you, and I’ve felt so good around you, but I know what it is that I’m looking for, and this isn’t it for me.”

    Any thoughts on the above, my lovely Goddesses? =)

  8.  #8VW on October 24, 2011 at 8:06 am


    I believe when we give everyone permission to be and do what they please…without labeling them as “immature”, childish, for example, we also free ourselves to be who we are and do what we need to do to feel good…without feeling guilty…

    To avoid labeling, feeling messages is the venue to our heart…and out of someone’s else business…

    There have been men and women who deleted me for their own reason(s)…i felt sad about it…but i bless them in their journey…

    warm hugs,

  9.  #9mali on October 24, 2011 at 8:09 am

    @8 VW,

    Thankyou, and I agree. I felt smiley reading your post, as I try and do the same.

    Thankyou for your calm, wise words =)

  10.  #10Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:09 am

    I think it’s totally different if a woman unfriends a man, than if a man unfriends a woman.


    can i get bigger caps on that?

    If a man does it, he’s Not doing his job of pursuing. it’s like he’s leaning back and Showing me (not like not calling, this is actually visible to me that he’s unfriended me). It’s like he’s purposely choosing to make me feel bad. NOT a MANLY MOVE

    on the other hand, me unfriending a man … is not a manly move either… and i’m not a man. I might do it anytime. A pursuing, step up man will contact me some other way and ask me about it, or not, but he will continue pursuing. Women step back all the time – it’s what Women do.

  11.  #11VW on October 24, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Mali #7:

    Wow, thank u for sharing this story…:) yes, indeed u haven’t post it for a while…

    u said :”“I feel really vulnerable saying this to you, and scared. It is so important to keep myself happy and to look after myself. I think you’re a wonderful man, and over time I began to develop feelings for you. That scared me. I’ve loved seeing you, and I’ve felt so good around you, but I know what it is that I’m looking for, and this isn’t it for me.”

    Wow Mali! I love it…it feels soo authentic, soft, feminine, warm….just like u 🙂 Awesome!!!!

    warm hugs,

  12.  #12Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:12 am

    omg feeling so much better and stronger after two days of feeling awful and in pain (after the initial working with my cold, it got to feel horrible like it usually does for 2 days… omgosh it was a doozy)

    i couldn’t handle being around computer or phone, it would make my head pulse and my eyes water and drain me of any lil energy

    so much love to me, thank you for making me feel so much better

  13.  #13VW on October 24, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Oh Daria 🙁

    So sad to hear that…and here i was thinking “Daria, must be having sooo much fun this weekend…”…

    I feel glad to hear u are feeling better now…

    warm loving hugs,

  14.  #14Rori Raye on October 24, 2011 at 8:48 am

    ooo VW – I LOVE this – Thank you so much for this lovely comment about not-labeling….Rori

  15.  #15VW on October 24, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Aww Rori, well, I’ve had a great mentor…Rori Raye 🙂 u mention about not labeling in many of your programs..:)

    warm hugs,

  16.  #16Esteemed on October 24, 2011 at 8:56 am

    I feel warm hearing the soft tone on this thread so far…

  17.  #17Rori Raye on October 24, 2011 at 8:59 am

    mali – your unfriending this man was a sensationally terrific, thoughtful cutting off of this most public way of contact…and brava to you!!! You are, in a sense, ending this relationship, this friendship because you do not feel comfortable with this man at the level of “friendship” he offers. Many FB friends are simply that – FB friends. They are in our lives only through FB. Many are family…and they have no requirements except that they are family. Weeding out your FB list and choosing only those with whom you wish to maintain emotionally intimate friendships (this means you NEVER friend a man you are dating unless he’s your boyfriend…and if that ends, and he does not become your husband…you can choose to unfriend him. If FB is your “inner circle” (and not just “friends of friends”…) then you must be vigilant about being happy sharing with whoever’s on your list. If you’re not, consider deleting them from your list is the way to go. (I love your speech, by the way.)

    On the other hand, if a man friends you, for whatever reason and then unfriends you, that’s it. Over, done. If you’re longtime “friends” and you care about him, you can ask him about it…but to me, it’s done. I personally consider that a very violent act on his part, and very different from your careful reasoning…Men are not women, to me. If a man walks away – he’s walked away. He’s not be be chased, not to be missed. Very different from what I see a man doing should a woman walk away because the man hasn’t shown sufficient interest. That’s my view, at least.

  18.  #18Emoticon on October 24, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Very interesting how social networks influence intimacy

  19.  #19Femininewoman on October 24, 2011 at 10:00 am

    “We block our ability to create love in our lives when we are energetically attached to past relationships. Sometimes we feel regret for the one that got away. Other times we hold onto anger, betrayal or heartbreak from failed relationships. All of this energy keeps our heart unavailable for a new lover to come into our lives. And when we do connect with someone, we are unable to give them all of what we have to offer. Create the space for new love by healing the past and releasing those old emotions. As soon as you do, love will show up quickly and easily.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  20.  #20Emoticon on October 24, 2011 at 10:08 am

    I am energetically attached to my ex. That’s what it is. He can’t be my CD right now. *lets go*

  21.  #21Femininewoman on October 24, 2011 at 10:11 am

  22.  #22Daria on October 24, 2011 at 10:12 am

    right now , i am GETTING about making my past what i want

    i am alive NOW and can stir it in a cauldron

    the past

    even tho i feel my soul is alive there

    i can bring my soul home in my body

    it is safe right now

    even though there was pain i am healing

    i am now

    i am creating

    i Get it right now

    i haven’t usally gotten this

    i loved scuba diving into the past

    i still do

    its all stories

    i can rewrite


    dive for treasure

    they are stories

    it is the now where it is spun


    this feels powerful

    i feel peaceful

  23.  #23Emoticon on October 24, 2011 at 10:15 am

    U kno what I know how to stop drop and roll its not that hard. I can stop what I do right now. I can drop this man hehe! N I can roll out. I dropped another CD last week too but I wasn’t on here as much so noone knows. I just felt like I was being tricked my intuition told me that it wasn’t authentic between us n I said goodbye. Well, w/o a word tho hmmm

  24.  #24Daria on October 24, 2011 at 10:16 am

    the other nite i noticed the way i was relating to Hawkman was echoing the way i used to relate to a past man in my life

    i forgot who right now

  25.  #25mali on October 24, 2011 at 10:27 am

    @ VW- #11: Thankyou, beautiful soul. I felt so treasured and so beautiful reading that. I’m so feeling the love!

    @Rori- #17: I’m so honoured to get a response from you, and your support feels so GOOD to read. Feeling fabulous! Thankyou for your wise words and clarity, dear Siren of all Sirens! 😉

  26.  #26Senior Lady Vibe on October 24, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Hello world, I’m thankful for my shopping experiences last night and this morning.

    An extra special thank you for the “Golden Goddess” which was available to me even though it was not on the web site with all the others. I appreciate it was just for me.

    I’m grateful too that I was able to buy four sets of eyelashes (including two feathered sets), a palette of nine sparkly deep pigments eyeshadows, an eyeliner pencil, stencils, nail polish, lipstick… and a rhinestone eyebrow set… all for seven dollars total. I’m happy too that I got two packs of hair (maybe I’ll learn to make teeny braids!) for three dollars.

    Thank you, thank you for my ten dollars worth of beauty fun.

    I’ll tackle Facebook on another day.


  27.  #27Diana on October 24, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Hello Sirens,
    Femininewoman, I thought I was healed. Last night I missed him so much. I fell in love with a man I met about five years ago. He still texts me or calls me every four months to ask how Im doing. The last few times I felt I was over him. I hadn’t thought or missed him in a long time. I had felt free, happy and relieved. Last night I realized I’m still in love with him and I feel sad.

    During the day I felt angry, tired and upset. I thought about how much I hate when someone says to me,
    “You are so beautiful, I cant believe your single.”
    “why are you single?”
    “Why have you never been married?” …. I never know what to say. After those words I feel very very small.

    I’ve been trying to work on all the tools and then I feel stiff mechanical because I don’t know what to say and I dont want to say the wrong thing. I dont know how I feel. The part that is difficult for me the most is putting my feeling into words, expressing how I feel .

    I related to what you wrote. I want to make room for that special person in my heart. I want to change my energy. I felt that I was no longer attached.
    I feel I have taken a step back.

  28.  #28Mel on October 24, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Architect is really being quite the step-up man.

    On the weekend, he was having computer troubles. He said he spent a half hour trying to log-in to his webmail because he wanted to stay in touch. Later, he emailed me from his sister’s place to say he was thinking about me.

    This morning, he emailed to see when “I could make time for him” this week. He picked the first day I told him I was available and said he’d rather see me sooner, than later.

    I’m trying soooo hard to be open and just go with it. To enjoy the waterwheel coming towards me. To allow my thermostat for intimacy to go up. It’s funny because when he’s not right in front of me (but in contact) I enjoy all the attention. But in person sometimes it just feels like too much. It’s okay. I can do this. He’s not being pushy… so I can take my time.

    What are some good FM’s to say…. this feels too “fast” or like too much attention, or a bit claustrophobic.

    It’s funny… because I wonder if we’re both meant to “heal” each other. In my marriage, I felt like I didn’t get enough attention, and now I’m feeling overwhelmed with it. In his marriage, his wife left him (for his brother! ) because she said he wasn’t giving her enough attention. So now he’s overcompensating. Perhaps we’re both meant to find a balance. Oh universe… you are so ironic! 😉

  29.  #29V~ on October 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

    I am happy to hear that my unfriending my ex was not me being high schoolish! I cannot see him or hear from him right now, I am on the 9th day of nc although we have been apart for two months. I deleted him so he could no longer see anything I was doing, he is a facebook “stalker”. I use that term loosely, we were together for three years.

    Also I really like the comment about not friending a man you are dating. I had a first date Saturday with a man who I really like(d). He seems very needy sending several texts all day long, wanting to know if I miss him, asking me if I am going to sleep naked…Ugh! I cannot handle a man like this! He is making me crazy! Does he have no other life other than me???

  30.  #30Senior Lady Vibe on October 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

    @27: Diana says:
    “… “You are so beautiful, I cant believe your single.”
    “why are you single?”
    “Why have you never been married?” …. I never know what to say. After those words I feel very very small…”

    Hi, Diana. People say all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. But there’s a compliment in there and maybe some other good news too.

    I might tell myself the story that those people were amazed I was still available, if I were, and they knew a guy that might want to meet me. Why not? I might say… “Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate your kind words. I’m happy but I haven’t met my special “the one.” Do you have someone in mind that you’d like me to meet?” Maybe they do.


  31.  #31Femininewoman on October 24, 2011 at 11:37 am

    RE 27 Diana I had a similar experience today. Even tried to lean forward by calling but could not remember his phone number, I had deleted. lol. I love myself though for being able to feel those strong feelings and be aware of them, and question the thoughts around them.

  32.  #32Femininewoman on October 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

    Mel sounds like you have your answers.

    I believe you can tell himyou are feeling overwhelmed and let him know what makes you feel overwhelmed. Maybe even slowing down that particular thing for a given period of time to see how you feel in that timeframe and then give him feedback. Just don’t use the words “you always”. Great way of understanding how the universe works for you. Remember communication is a biggie in relationshps and I believe it can be used to negotiate what we want and what works for us.

  33.  #33Starla on October 24, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Mel, you control the flow of the hose here. What if no “too fast” speech is necessary at all? Just you checking in with yourself to feel out if you want to see him or not, if you should be spending that time taking care of you or with him, etc. There might not even be any need to put any of this responsibility on him.

    What do you think?

  34.  #34Mel on October 24, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Thanks FW!

    So how’s this:

    “I like all this attention, but yet, I feel a bit overwhelmed. I enjoy our time together, but it would feel best to take things at a slow pace.”

    What do you think?

    Any thoughts on why it doesn’t feel overwhelming by text/email/telephone but does in person? That feels strange to me.

  35.  #35Starla on October 24, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I noticed now when I tell my guys “oh thank you for the nice invitation, it always feels so good to spend time with you, and i am feeling stoked about some me time, so i don’t want to go out that night,” they back off for a bit, and then hit me up to make other plans.

    i’m in control. i don’t need to be like BACK OFF BUDDY.

    hehe. but it’s up to you. you’re such a siren, Mel, I can’t imagine you doing this “wrong,” whatever you decide to say or not say to him

  36.  #36Diana on October 24, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Senior Lady Vib
    Thank you! I feel more comfortable. I have a date tomorrow We will see if he asks me…lol 🙂

  37.  #37V~ on October 24, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    “I like all this attention, but yet, I feel a bit overwhelmed. I enjoy our time together, but it would feel best to take things at a slow pace.”

    I love this! I think I may use it on my needy man!

  38.  #38Starla on October 24, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    For some reason I just don’t like this…it’s like asking him for permission to want to go slower.

    i’d rather just actually go slow by accepting dates and attention only when it feels good to me, and if it becomes an issue for him, THEN address it with a little speechy thing.

  39.  #39Mel on October 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Thanks V~ and Starla!

    OMG… now he’s offered to help me make some aviator goggles for my Halloween costume! I should let him help… even though I could soooo do it myself! 😉

  40.  #40Mel on October 24, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Re: 38


    I’m a busy Siren and I decide how to schedule my time. If I’m feeling overwhelmed or like I’d rather do something else, then I say no thanks! Not tonight. And just not feel guilty about that!

    He seems pretty cognizant anyways. I get the feeling he really doesn’t want to scare me off.

  41.  #41Starla on October 24, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    I am feeling sooo grateful to get my period on time for 4 months in a row, as i have severe PCOS, but ohhh man do my cramps SUCK BALLS.

  42.  #42Daria on October 24, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    my kidneys (and my pee) is all healed up.

    it’s no longer sometimes clear, sometimes colored, sinking in the bowl

    its even, yellow pee, everytime

    thank you Daria so much

    when i noticed the change was when i started eating the raw quail eggs in the morning


    i felt terrified that i would never heal

    and now i’ve healed

    that so awesome!

  43.  #43Daria on October 24, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Starla – read from Susun weed that taking a hit of weed during cramps can help

    also taking a 15 min walk will help (it worked for me, though during the walk didn’t feel so good – cramps stopped after)

    whats really been helping me a LOT is drinking Red Raspberry leaf tea before and at the beginning of my period. i feel so glad Daria is actually doing this for me

  44.  #44Daria on October 24, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    i was feeling kinda triggered having posted about health issues like what i did

    i heard voices of posters judging me in my head

    and then i read Starlas post and im like yay!!! other people are posting on health too

    it felt relieving

  45.  #45Starla on October 24, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Daria, I really feel that my health issues are in many ways directly related to my emotional well being, and vice versa.

  46.  #46Daria on October 24, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    and THEN i felt triggered hearing More voices of posters like oh she’s writing about health issues to ‘bite’ / compete , etc and really i hadn’t even read anything first

    and i love me

    and i am healing

    and i probably wrote the last post to ‘explain’ ie to undo those voices

    and i love me

    i am noticing

    thank you Daria for being so loving with me

  47.  #47Starla on October 24, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Thank you for the tips, daria…i could handle this better if i weren’t at work…where i’m the only woman…they just don’t understand, hehe..

  48.  #48Starla on October 24, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    i feel soooo surprised reading various posters saying they have these NV’s about what other posters must be doing or thinking when they read/reply to their posts.

    but i get the same feelings about stuff i write, too, so i understand the compulsion.

  49.  #49Daria on October 24, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    thinking of what Starla just wrote…

    maybe it was just the relaxing time and not the quail eggs… maybe it was both

    I had to stop “worrying” about my health about a year ago and it stopped getting worse. It didn’t get 100% better until now though.

    its’ 100% better

    and, i magically just wanted to do the quail egg thing out of curiousity and general well being without really thinking of improving something particular about my health. and i just noticed along the way that it improved

    for me, the quail eggs had a lot to do with it

    and my emotional wellbeing had a lot to do with how the problem started

    i was having sex but didn’t say stop when it was hurting. i was not putting myself first sexually.

    i was going for the excitement turned on ness and not for feeling worshipped and loved. tho i did feel cared for, i didn’t feel all 100% good with this guy – who was all hung up on another woman

    and after the first time and acupuncture my symptoms subsided,

    but then i went and did it AGAIN although emotionally i was not being put first… pretty clearly right then

    and then they didnt’ subside for alooong time

    they got less – once i stopped focusing on them and worrying – which took practice

    but there was always lil things i would notice

    and i noticed them healing disappearing completely

    last month

    so cool


  50.  #50Diana on October 24, 2011 at 1:14 pm


    The thought of leaning forward for a vague moment but I knew there was no question about it. I didn’t even feel like dealing with the way I feel with him. I feel confused, one moment I feel wanted and loved and the other times I feel pushed away and lonely.

    I am also becoming more aware of my feelings. I had deleted his number, when he texted me I didn’t know it was him so I saved it again.

    I love myself, more than I love him..

  51.  #51Daria on October 24, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Starla – haha! i can relate… when i read about other people’s imagined poster voices i’m thinking, no way lol

    and when it’s me i just Hear them… i know they’re not real

    Excpet they ARE THEY ARE!!

    lol but they’re not

    thank you!!

    even if someone literally says them they’re still not real

    so there!

  52.  #52Starla on October 24, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I often imagine people are thinking bad things or the worst when they talk to me or interact with me. One thing that has helped me to remember that these are just NV’s in the way is learning many languages. Because before I spoke any languages besides English, especially before Spanish, I would think people were talking sh*t about me… and then I learned their language and realized that they’re never ever ever talking about me. Usually they’re talking about something really innocuous.

    Last weekend when I was putting on my makeup for my best friend’s wedding, her mom was making concerned faces, and I felt like “oh no! she thinks i’m too ugly and this makeup is too gross!”

    but later I found out that she told my best friend (in korean) that i was looking magnificent as I layered on the makeup.

    so, my NV’s still trick me into thinking others are viewing me as not good enough. But that’s just me thinking I’m not good enough, and expecting people to “see through” it and catch me being not good enough.

  53.  #53Ella on October 24, 2011 at 2:34 pm


    Yes this is my story – I didn’t know Rori was going to print it and I don’t mind, and I don’t mind people knowing its me either.

    VW re 6

    “Hmm…i feel a bit judgmental this morning twds Roothie who is supposedly an experienced Siren…:( I noticed a lot of “crises” and “poor me”…”what should i do?” and “rescue me” stories …:(…thank u…thank u…more healing for me on this…”

    Yeah, you are probably right. Cus that is where I am at sometimes.

    I feel defensive.

    I am not supposedly anything, I am just me, at wherever I am on my path…

    Sometimes I am Sireny, sometimes I am not.

    Sometimes I do feel lost, and sometimes I do feel sorry for myself.

    I feel angry about feeling judged for that.

    Sometimes I feel in crisis.

    I already feel judgemental of myself for not being a perfect Siren and I am wanting to heal that.

    I feel afraid and tight in tummy.

    When I feel lost and in crisis it feels exactly like that, like being in a pit and I want to scream for help.

    I do not feel ashamed of that.

    However I do believe that I am slowly becoming stronger. And that feels good.

  54.  #54sammie sighs on October 24, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Wow Rori is so wise when she writes it all makes sense! Well just finished a phone call with Mr P he called me even when I said it will be late as I have Zumba. He waited and we just talked and caught up I was very leaned back just listening and it was nice to hear from him. And he wants to call me tomorrow but I have girls night so I said Thursday would be good as I have Zumba again Wednesday he said yea whenever you can so that felt nice.. Its funny I don’t feel stresses, fidgety for the next contact I feel cool, calm and ready to get on with my stuff . I have never been this calm and happy with myself and just being in so very long !

  55.  #55Ella on October 24, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Being tested by guys right now.

    Pushing my boundaries.

    Trying to get me to do things I have said I won’t do.

    I still won’t do them… feeling jolts of anger.

  56.  #56Ella on October 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm


    Zumba – Yay!!


  57.  #57Ella on October 24, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    With CD1 still don’t know whether to keep himn around.

    Contact feels so sparse and yet its probably no more sparse than with other guys.

    Kinda feel like I want to just drop him.

    And that will feel like a sigh of relief.

    I can’t work out if its an energy thing… like maybe it is doing me no good cus I am energetically waiting on him a bit sometimes… without meaning to.

    I’m just kinda done with anything less than what feels amazing.

    I can’t be bothered.

    Don’t have the spare energy.

    Or is this just me pushing love away?

    Its like when it doesn’t happen the way I want it to I just want to close it down now…

    Don’t like the non closure…


    Looking for my lesson here…

    Spose I don’t have to do anything.

    Jusy sit here feeling my feelings.

    I can always share how I feel when he contacts me…

    If I can find what exactly that is…

  58.  #58Ella on October 24, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    I dunno,

    maybe cus he painted a pic in my head of this cosy relationship we could have…

    And although realistically I know there is no relationship atm my mind latched on to it…

    And so I want it.

    But its not real cus I don’t really know him.



  59.  #59Ella on October 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Oh and another guy was trying to make me talk about dating other men, and I wouldn’t, and he kept pushing me and I just said no.

    He’s gone away again now for another while…


  60.  #60Ella on October 24, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    What I would like to say to CD1.

    “CD1 – I appreaciate all the help you are offering me with my businesses and tbh I feel romantically attracted to you and it always feels better to me when the men I date are a bit more consistent.”

    And I wouldn’t know what to say next.

    I feel afraid to say ‘what do you think?’ because I feel afraid of being placated and I feel mistrustful that he is able to step up.

    Wonder why this is getting to me?

    I feel kinda angry, and frustrated… like WHY THE F8CK SHOULD I KEEP YOU AROUND WHEN YOU ARE NOT STEPPING UP!

    Yes I know how that sounds…

    Very blamey.

    Don’t know why this guy is getting the brunt of it.

  61.  #61Lyka on October 24, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Are You Impatient and Waiting for Love?

    One of the hardest qualities you’ll have to cultivate as a single woman is patience.

    Let’s face it, waiting for anything can be stressful: waiting for the light to turn green, for the bank teller to finish with a customer or waiting to meet the man of your dreams.

    When my well-meaning friends smiled at me and told me to stop worrying and to just be patient, I wanted to scream at them, “You don’t understand how I feel, how long I’ve been waiting!” It sounds very dramatic, but that’s how I felt. In my mind I was cursing at my single lot in life and making myself terribly unhappy.

    The idea that I had to be patient was super annoying and seemed impossible. It took a lot of maturity for me to come around and begin to patiently live my life, learning to appreciate the gift of each day.

    It is painful to be constantly in a state of wanting something that you don’t have. If this is you, know that there are hours, days and weeks flying by in your life that you will never have back.

    Patience to me is about letting go of the outcome and trusting that everything will work out for you. The man who is right for you will show up at the right time and place. It will unfold perfectly in time and worrying and fretting will not help you speed up the process.

    Here is one of my favorite quotes about patience:

    “Infinite patience produces immediate results.”

    ~ A Course in Miracles

    This may be hard to fathom but you probably have an inner sense of the truth of this statement. It is profound and difficult to master, but the rewards are great.

    If patience was easy we would be living in a more peaceful world; I would imagine 90% of the anger you see between people and countries would be gone.

    But ultimately, the only thing you have control over is you. So if you begin to cultivate patience you will see and feel the results. I guarantee you will be happier and more available to receive the gift of love when it shows up.

    You can start by doing something as simple as taking a walk outside. Then follow Ralph Waldo Emerson’s advice:

    “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”

    Virginia Feingold Clark

  62.  #62Ella on October 24, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    I’ll just sit here and be a girl.

    It would feel good to say.

    Actually you know what I am looking for something more consistent…

    And then walk away.

    Kinda free-ing.

    Hmmm, maybe I will.

    That would be honest.

    Hey CD. I love hearing from you and it feels good when we spent some time together, and I feel better with more consistency and regular contact. What do you think?

    Ow, I like that.

    That feels like standing up for me.

    Cus at the moment I am feeling like I am not standing up for me!

    That might be the one… if it feels right at the time.

    Chocolate time now…


  63.  #63Lyka on October 24, 2011 at 3:37 pm

  64.  #64Ella on October 24, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Lyka re 61

    Perfect timing with that post!


    I am going to read that while I eat my chocolate.


  65.  #65Lyka on October 24, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Yes, Ella, I thought you might enjoy it.

  66.  #66Ella on October 24, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Oh Gosh,

    I feel really weird about my post 53 now…

    Like the bit about being in a pit sometimes and wanting to scream for help…

    Sounds so dramatic! And I actually feel judgemental of myself.

    And I feel like I want to explain they I am not like that!


    I feel uncomfortable admiting to being like that sometimes!

    I feel ashamed!


    Ow, I love my shame.

    And my uncomfortableness.

    I am happy most of the time though.

    So that is all good.

  67.  #67Ella on October 24, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Re 61 yep I like that!

    Funny thing is I am actually feeling quite content in general.

    I was only thiking earlier that I feel pretty happy in my life, I don’t mind being single (otherwise I would have a boyfriend) and I was also feeling quite smug about all the things I get to do as a free, single person that my committed friends don’t.

    And also I am far more appreciative of the things in my life and day to day what feels good.

    And yet, when a man comes along that I could imagine being with, and there is future talk, it kinda triggers something in me, and I feel frustrtated and impatient again.

  68.  #68Ella on October 24, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    In fact f8ck it – the truth is I feel REALLY Happy in my life.


  69.  #69Ella on October 24, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Most unromantic, uninspiring POF first message ever??

    ‘hey what do you do then?’

    I feel like blah, really and blah.

    I replied

    ‘Hi. I do lots of things’

    I couldn’t be bothered to try to explain how his message made me feel. Made me feel indifferent.

    Ah, interesting.


    I like descriptive words.

  70.  #70Ella on October 24, 2011 at 4:39 pm


    Was it you who said you tried richmen.com for online dating?

    Was just thinking it might be a good place to practice being spoiled… recieving that type of thing… and I seem to remember you saying it was not very good?

  71.  #71Starla on October 24, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    I got a “talking to” at work today about the direction my team took a project, and that used to trigger me into despair and feeling personally attacked, but these things do not bother me how they used to.

    When I think people mean ill-will or want to criticize me without explicitly stating they are criticizing, judging, fed up, etc., I just stop that thought in its tracks, and assume they only mean the best.

    I decided it’s up to other people to state out right if they have a sincere problem with me. And if they don’t, that is their issue and they’re keeping it inside for their own reason. If they insist there’s no problem (or just say there’s no problem once or twice) or that i am perceiving them wrong, it is in my best interest, and the onus is on me, to take their word for it.

    Not only is it easier on me emotionally, as someone who is often triggered in the way i perceive other people as viewing me or treating me negatively, to not even GO there unnecessarily, but not believing what someone else says/insists about their intention is just plain rude.

    So I still have pangs here and there, but my job, and the way I relate to others, has become far less of a panic-inducing trigger fest.

    I just wanted to share that, because it’s been a big shift in my life, and I feel less like a cat on the look out for threats to pounce, and more juicy and flow-y and good and safe.

    i.e., Always assume people have good intentions (at least not bad ones), ESPECIALLY when they’re trying to communicate that they do. It’s easier on ourselves and far kinder to others, who generally aren’t out to “get” any of us.

  72.  #72Ella on October 24, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    The weirdest thing just happened.

    A black cat just jumped in my bedroom window.

    It is about 12.30 @ night here and raining outside and my bedroom is at the top of the house so very unexpected!

    Now he/she is wandering around my room purring!

    She’s very pretty.

    bright green eyes.

    Some kind of sign… I always thought it would be nice to have a cat for company.

    Not quite sure what to do with her now.

    I guess she’ll leave when she is ready.

  73.  #73Starla on October 24, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    I apply this principle (see #71) to my CDs now, too. I noticed that Crack Fix applies this principle to me, so it was easy to return the favor. Unless they say something’s wrong, or respond to my inquiry and say something is wrong, I assume that it has nothing to do with me and their intentions are all good.

    I tried to apply this during my friend’s wedding when I felt like I was under a microscope as maid of honor.

    I applied this when I was working with a crankyface director at a campaign recently doing a side job.

    It’s a great thing for me!

  74.  #74Ariadne on October 24, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Ella! It’s almost Haloween! Black Cats…Hmmm…..She found a Siren instead of a witch! LOL!! Xo A

  75.  #75Ella on October 24, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Cat is now snuggling on bed with me… feeling very bemused righ now


  76.  #76Ella on October 24, 2011 at 5:07 pm


    Re 74.

    Yay! Ha ha.

    Magic, black Sirens cat!

    Love it.

  77.  #77Ella on October 24, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    She is stretching and making herself at home next to me on the bed.

    She is a very beautiful and elegant kind of cat.

    I like her.

    Still can’t beleive she just showed up like that!

  78.  #78Ariadne on October 24, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    By stretching out and purring….she is adding to the Rori Raye way of being feline!!!! She is teaching you right now…Remember to be SURPRISED!!! Treat her like a CD….Learn from the experience…see how it all ties in? Xo A

  79.  #79Ella on October 24, 2011 at 5:24 pm



    I am smiling so much right now.

    I’m just feeling so happy she just showed up like that and is here.

    So unexpected.

  80.  #80Daria on October 24, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Ella –

    im imagining myself in your situation

    well i’m spending some time in my head thinking about this guy… (doesn’t feel good to do that)

    who cares if he calls me or not ? if im not thinking about it… well… not me!

    and if he calls, and i don’t feel like taking his call, then i won’t

    and if i do, then i will

    and if it feels bad being in communication with him, i can be sure i will feel like taking his call less and less

    and there will be other people to help me with my business (i think this is where the attachiness comes in for me, when a guy has something that he can help me with, he feels a lot more important to me and … i can’t hang on to them even if i try anyway. )

    i’m gonna be ok with my life and i’m going to be ok as far as dating

    and if i don’t like the guy – all caught up thinking about him is something i Don’t like – i don’t have to answer

    he will call again, or other men will

  81.  #81Ella on October 24, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Yeah Daria,

    That is true.

    I don’t have to take the call.

  82.  #82Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm


    I feel admiring of the way you handled being the subject of this post.

  83.  #83Violet on October 24, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Excellent timing on this blog. I went out with a man last Saturday night and we both admitted to having a ‘great’ time. We did some serious kissing, then I decided to leave as it was getting late and I had a bit of a drive.

    I had consciously turned off my cell phone during our ‘date’ to avoid distractions. It wasn’t until I got home that I noticed he contacted me immediately after the date. There was no message, I thought it too late to return the call, and didn’t contact him until Monday.

    I really didn’t think about whether or not I should contact him. I did it, and left a message thanking him for the nice time. I did not make any overtures as to him calling me back.

    I figured it this way. ‘If’ he was interested in me, he would contact me on his own good time. Only, I wasn’t going to hold my breath waiting for that to happen.

    What bit the bullet for me is when I went dancing Sunday, Oct 30th. He was there. I walked up to him and said, “Hi”, and touched his hand. All he did was make some sort of sound as he had his hands and mouth full.

    He completely ignored me for the rest of the evening. I’m not going to lie. I noticed him out of my peripheral vision. That is such a nice tool to use at times!

    I would see him meandering around where I was. It was hard NOT to notice him as he was standing right next to my table talking to another lady.

    It seemed like he was wanting some sort of reaction from me. Otherwise, why ‘hang’ around where I sat, or sit talking to some lady while watching me, or meander around where I was standing?

    It was all like some flippin’ sandbox game as far as I was concerned. I have no clue what he was thinking, and wasn’t about to ask.

    I felt hurt more than anything. Also, a bit confused because he had admitted to having a great time.

    So… for all intensive purposes, he’s scratched himself off my list of possibilities. I won’t approach him or talk to him unless he says something to me first.

    It’s too bad it had to be this way because he essentially wasted a lot of good times we could have had.

    Please feel free to give feedback. In fact, I’d appreciate it if you would. I’d like to know your take on how I handled the situation, and any suggestions you’d like to make.

    ~ Violet ~

  84.  #84Daria on October 24, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    I just had a really fun convo a couple hours ago with a man about getting married and stuff

    it felt so fun to talk to him

    he was telling me all the usual stuff guys say about how guys want a girl whos not trying to keep her options open etc (i got ‘baited’ into talking about relationship coaching )

    anyway it wound up feeling great

    he wound up telling me im awesome and he can see how yeah it could work for me and how a guy would be like yeah, she could get swooped up i better get her first


    omg it felt so good connecting with him and i didnt feel judged or anything woo

  85.  #85Daria on October 24, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    now i just had another convo with a man this felt a lil more uncomfortable at first cuz i forgot to open my pelvis

    and instead wound up doing the ‘witty’ thing and teasing him for a few minutes

    then i switched energy midway

    now the phone disconnected

  86.  #86Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 5:58 pm


    I remember when TTG would say he would call and then didn’t, I used to think up feeling messages to use for when we did talk again. It never felt good to me when I used them and it seemed to push him away more. I feel better now when I just let a guy drift if he wants to. I also notice I no longer look for what I did to “drive a man away” when he’s drifting. He just is, and whether or not I did anything to cause it, doesn’t matter. That was more of a weird thing I had in my head of trying to make everything my fault. It’s not my fault. Period. I feel kinda weird that I wasn’t really cognizant of this shift in myself until right now.

    For instance, when you were so convinced that J must have known you kissed his friend and that must be why he “poofed,” I wondered where that thought came from. I was aware that I’ve felt that way in the past, but I never really put it together until right now. It’s not your fault(his stuff with CD1 is not your fault either. When I quit looking for how I f’d things up as the reason, I quit worrying about guys drifting.

    May I please ask you to treat yourself with compassion, dear Siren? These guys drift cuz that’s what they do. You’re not chasing them off – you did nothing wrong.

    Hmm…interesting that this drama thing keeps coming up. I recall a post where you were worried that you were too dramatic with CD1. I stand by my original “Tarzan” statement. Still. But I believe this, so maybe that’s why it looks that way to me. That’s how it manifests for me and I like it. So I’ll keep that perception. Thank you Universe.

  87.  #87Daria on October 24, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    ive been experimenting telling men i dont work, i dont like working

    and then two times followed up with “but one of the things im doing is online… im doing relationship coaching for women”

    well this time with this last convo – the one i got into wittiness with – i dropped that second part

    and i just stuck with “oh, i don’t work, i don’t like working”

    and it went to – eventually –

    “well if im not being nosy, how do you get your money then?” – him

    me (witty) – “hehe that IS a nosy question…”

    and then thinking about how to answer truthfully “i couldn’t even tell you really … when i need it, it just shows up for me”


    i liked how i said that! thats so true and i hadnt thought of that before quite like that!

  88.  #88Daria on October 24, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Violet – don’t sweat it! good for you for dropping him! better men will show up…

    awesome boundaries

  89.  #89Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    Daria – lol! I love that, “…when I need it, it just shows up for me.” I’ve been experiencing that, too!

  90.  #90R.N.AmazingME on October 24, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Wow I am at a loss for words….my love life is non existant butttttt I am in the middle of a career merge and buying a new car. That feels good but now that I am not studying i get lonely hate it!!GRRR

  91.  #91VW on October 24, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Hmm…where are men when u need them on the blog for their view?

    My recent Mr. T, apparently blocked me on FB…

    I already removed him from FB two weeks ago and I explained to him why…he didn’t like it and felt suspicious that I might have something to hide…which that was not the case…in either case…he appeared to have understood…

    Today, I searched for him…and could not find him…he complemented a few of my pics a while back…now, the comments no longer show…

    I feel soo curious what’s going through a man’s head when he blocks u like that???

    my mind is creating various scenarios…like one…he is really pissed off…i got the best of him by standing up for myself last Friday…he now wants to be in control of communication…hmm…just weird…i feel a bit amused…and turned off at the same time…annoyed too…hmm…interesting combo 🙁

    what do you Sirens think? any writings by any coaches ab such behavior?

  92.  #92Starla on October 24, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    VW – my ex that I dated all of 2010 recently blocked me on facebook. It was months after he dumped me (i know this because i occasionally cyber stalked him), and one day i couldn’t find him on there, and i had a friend see if she could find him, and she could.

    We hadn’t talked in months and I never tried to contact him either. So my conclusion? He was checking my profile and pining after me emotionally, so he had to block me for his own sanity.

    Maybe that’s why he blocked you…not to punish you but to heal.

  93.  #93Femininewoman on October 24, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    VW the only thing that comes to mind is that CCarter and Gay Hendricks talk about power struggles in relationships as if it is a stage that the relationship goes through.

  94.  #94LILI 41 on October 24, 2011 at 6:51 pm


    Isn’t that just fun Ella. You were thinking of having a cat, then one just drops in through your window. You get to try having one for free!
    Watch out for that window, maybe Mr. Right will also magically drop in.

    Btw, Love your learning attitude towards this post of Rori’s. I mean being so accepting of yourself.
    I’ve been there too and it’s comforting to me that you’re not so judgemental of yourself. That’s what makes people comfortable around you.

    Luv ya for loving yourself. xox

  95.  #95VW on October 24, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Aww…Starla…wow…gosh…i kinda feel flattered 🙁 and ashamed to admit liking to have made such impression on someone …

    Argh…why do these self-conflicting feelings?

    Something more to heal for me…yay, to that…

    warm hugs,

  96.  #96VW on October 24, 2011 at 6:52 pm


    wow…i feel intrigued…can you share more about the power struggles?

    warm hugs,

  97.  #97VW on October 24, 2011 at 6:56 pm


    Gosh, my triggers around your posts and my perceptions are, of course, my own reflection and/or parts of myself that i reject often…:( admitting that i feel powerless, that i would like to feel like a poor me sometimes and get the attention…without judging myself soo much…and the least goes on…

    i feel grateful for the opportunity to heal these parts of me…

    thank u for being graceful in your communications…

    warm hugs,

  98.  #98cheyenne on October 24, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    if he unfriends you doesnt mean your over. I have unfriend people and its because i got mad and needed time to think then i would send a message explaining and friend request him. i always get a friend or boyfriend back

  99.  #99LILI 41 on October 24, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    I had been putting work and school 1st all my life…that’s what I was always praised for, and that’s where I got all the positive attention growing up.
    But it made me cold and distant.

    Today I was not finished what I had planned for my workday, actually falling a bit short of my upcoming deadline. Could no longer think straight, so I sank into my feelings…Then decided to go w them, go w the flow.

    I did what felt good: I called my friend and told her I was coming over to help her daughter w her homework. She had told me that I was free to go help whenever I was able to, she didn’t want me to feel obligated. It’s been really hectic at work these past couple of weeks, so I haven’t been able to go last week at all.
    But I really enjoy it, especially since her daughter had been getting great results since I had been helping.
    When I showed up, my friend looked so horribly sick…really bad throat infection w fever, can’t swallow, can hardly talk, achy all over…she could barely walk and talk. She needed my help desperately. Her daughter needs a lot of help to focus and concentrate w her homework.

    I have been telling myself that I accept not having had the opportunity to have my own kids. I consoled myself by saying that when people need me, not having kids to take care of makes me available to help people out.
    Both parents of this kid are not intellectual types at all.
    So I get to use my intellectual strongsuit for a good purpose, I get to spend time w a kid, and I get to do something that feels good OTHER THAN WORK. I am learning how to NOT put work 1st anymore…GETTING A LIFE! Letting people get close to me and not running away into work. FEELS GREAT, I FEEL LIKE I’M SOFTENING UP ALL OVER.

  100.  #100VW on October 24, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Wow Lili41, i feel inspired by your post…:) thank you for sharing 🙂

    warm hugs,

  101.  #101Daria on October 24, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    VW – i think Rori’s article above applies (almost) directly to this

    blocking is in the same category to unfriending to me

  102.  #102LILI 41 on October 24, 2011 at 7:20 pm


    VW, you are awesome for writing that. I see an image of a great lady after reading that, like real class.
    Makes me feel so good to be w people so honest and humble.

  103.  #103VW on October 24, 2011 at 7:26 pm


    Yes, u right, that’s why i feel turned off by it 🙁 not a manly quality…

    hmm…how would a manly man act? apologize? admit for speaking wrongfully?!!! it would have made a big difference…:( instead he chose to pack like a little boy ashamed of himself…that felt better to him than apologizing…arghh…


    warm hugs,

  104.  #104Susan on October 24, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    RE: Ella:

    I got a cat like that once. He’d come and go as he pleased but mostly stayed. I had a dog at the time and they apparently made peace when I wasn’t around because they always tolerated each other. I’d go to bed alone and wake up with a cat in the bed, so I started feeding him. A few months later a guy rang my doorbell. He handed me vaccination papers. He said he had to move away and he thought the cat liked me better. It was then I learned the cat’s name: Thai Stick (weird name, but I kept it.) He was my cat for years and I loved him.

  105.  #105VW on October 24, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Aww…thank you Lili41 🙂 I feel touched …

    I’ve known Ella for about a year now…I deeply care for her success…while I admit feeling annoyed at times…because of my own unhealed shadows…:(

    warm hugs,

  106.  #106Butterfly wings on October 24, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Awww one of the boys at work just sent me an email, saying “I thought of you…” and it had a pic with the following caption: “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a$$holes.”

    He is so sweet and knows a big part of the story about me, TH, and the other woman. He also knows I’m down…

    It was the first time I’ve smiled in three days and of course I got all teary again cos I was so touched that he cared enough to try to cheer me up.

    Meanwhile I saw TH earlier and he was with another coworker who apparently asked him why I looked like I wanted to kill TH…. He emailed me asking me not to look like that at work.

    I don’t think I want to reply except to maybe tell him to f*ck off and I’ll look how I want to. Not very sireny… :-/

  107.  #107Starla on October 24, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Oh ladies, I feel so excited! I helped my employee with her grad school admissions essay, and it had to be really good cuz she didn’t meet the minimum test score requirements in the first place, and she got accepted to the program!!

    wooha! take that stupid tests!!

    i am reaffirmed in my belief that a well written admissions essay or job cover letter can get you soooo far. And I feel so blessed to have been able to help her!

    My admissions essay next:)

  108.  #108LILI 41 on October 24, 2011 at 7:38 pm


    Thanks for the tap on the shoulder VW.
    You see I don’t need to be cd’ing men bc I don’t have issues attracting them…I have issues keeping them.

    Rereading my post just now, I saw something…What triggers me in D : He had been overwhelmed w work. It bugged the heck out of me bc to this day, he has less work but still manages to blame all his behaviour on work. He escapes in work, he can never say no, then gets overwhelmed w the pressure coming from everywhere and escapes.

    Well, I just saw that in me on my last post! I’ll be darned! I was cold and distant for the 1st 6 months of our relationship, and I blamed it all on work.
    The truth was that I was scared to let him close…I put work 1st before him all the time. I was tired and tense all the time bc of work!
    I worked weekends and 10 hour days…while he was home cooking me supper, washing my car, changing my tires.
    Boy did he not feel important!

    I always, and I mean ALWAYS threw myself in work and school on top of full-time work. It was my escape to run away from intimacy.
    That’s why my husband left me, that’s why I had no relationship skills all this time.
    And I’ve been complaining about not having a life outside work!

  109.  #109luzydel on October 24, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    I do not get what is the big deal for Ruthie. He was not her long time Boy friend, just some dude she used to see. I feel judgmental and think Ruthie is also very childish just like the guy who un-friended her.

    I love the judgmental me

    but then I get Rori….it is not if the guy is right or wrong for deleting her, it is how she is reacting…the best thing to do is just to drop it, he is not the one.

  110.  #110Butterfly wings on October 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Lili you remind me of me in so many ways. With my second ex I put all of my energy into my business rather than deal with our issues – sometimes I’d work till the early hours of the morning or even all night to avoid it….

    I’ve got a great big mother of a wall up right now (I’ll thank my first ex’s 9 years of verbal abuse for that) and I have no idea how to let it back down.

    Both my ex’s have said I’m a “cold hard b*tch” in the past…

    I want to be soft and open but I’m so scared of being hurt like I have been by TH. 🙁

  111.  #111Daria on October 24, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    VW – i would drop the judgements and go to my feelings if i could . sounds like you’re feeling angry

  112.  #112LILI 41 on October 24, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    @108 part 2:

    A friend’s brother was seriously into me..at the point of drueling over me right in front of my bf, even if I didn’t ever flirt w him.
    My friend told me that her brother was sooo into me it wasn’t funny. Her longtime friend was there and told me “you don’t want him, he’s all about WORK.”
    Well I’m all about WORK myself !
    And my ex bf was all about WORK!
    D is all about WORK!

    There is 1 difference w D…I had a secret dream of owning and restoring an old house, not renovating but restoring it to its original charm with a special man. A house that would breath our warmth and souls.
    D was paid by a wealthy man to restore a country farmhouse that he had bought for his retirement…and D has been dreaming ever since of 1 day doing it for himself…owning an old home and restoring it to its original charm.
    He took me looking around at old houses, and it turns out that we like the same ones.

  113.  #113VW on October 24, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    Ya, Daria…of course…i am f*cking angry…how dare he tell me i am negative and depressed…i am the least person to call that…who the f*cuk does he think he is???? how dare he fishes for info ab me????

    f*uck him…ya…that’s right…:(

    when i used to play “games” and be in their face…ya, i got respect pronto and appology…now, they go all weird and shi&t…:( look at me…going “ghe*tto…no, that’s funny…i feel smiling and actually laughing at myself now…

    arghhh…Daria sweetie, anything else my Dahling?

  114.  #114luzydel on October 24, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    I have a question… and it could go un answered..

    What is wrong with having a boyfriend?

    What is wrong with spending the weekends with an amazing guy who makes me feel good?

    Why should I sabotage something that feels good?

    I am not thinking about marriage, though I am open for it if it feels safe for me to do it…

    Why do I feel like I do not belong here any more, once I said I am in an exclusive relationship?

  115.  #115LILI 41 on October 24, 2011 at 7:59 pm


    Both my ex’s have said I’m a “cold hard b*tch” in the past…
    Did you forget “demanding”? My 2 exes told me “cold hard demanding b*tch”.

  116.  #116LILI 41 on October 24, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    D gave me everything I never had and always wanted…even shares the same dream…and I was still the “cold hard b”.
    That was then, now I do feel myself turning into a cushy mellow softy by spending time with Rori and all of you Sirens.

  117.  #117Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Lili 41 – i feel scared for you reading the post… i get the impression that there’s focusing on one man going on… and blowing off CDing as a healing tool (by saying it’s about attracting men instead of healing intimacy)

    it feels like a wave is pulling me towards you now (to “save” you)

    i feel sad

    and i feel really unsafe too to say what i said in the first paragraph

    i wonder if it’s feelings or…( i edited some now)

    i feel worried its judgements and thoughts

    i don’t want to go there

    and i want to be able to express what’s going on for me!



    i felt unworthy like ‘why are you in someone else’s business! that is controlling! that’s what you’re trying to move away from!”

    ok well then i just want to express myself clearly!


    i feel kinda powerless… like my heart is jumping out of my chest towards Lili and i also feel this sinking sensation

    it’s like i ‘want’ to help

    ok that Doesn’t help

    to come from above



    well if it was me, along with the realizations about this guy i am looking at wow, i was so involved in my stuff and this guy was busy giving to me the whole time … awesome

    of course he was attracted to me Because i Did have my own life and i was Not making him a priority

    and CDing feels scary but it’s a tool that can heal my intimacy issues. i know it’s not really (just) about attraction

    maybe soon i will be trying it and see what Rori is talking about. i can take a babystep towards that right now

  118.  #118Mel on October 24, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    OMG! Yay!!! Architect finally disagreed with me on something! This is a god day indeed. 😉

  119.  #119VW on October 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm


    I love your “mischievousness” …very hot in my book 😉

    warm hugs,

  120.  #120VW on October 24, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    hmm…it’s getting “hot” in here 😉

  121.  #121Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    72 Ella
    Awww….!!! so cute

  122.  #122Mel on October 24, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    Funny how on the day he disagrees with me and I can feel some actual personality coming through… is the day when I actually thought to myself “hmmm… he’s not a bad kisser!”

    Thanks VW! I’m feeling kinda mischievous!

  123.  #123Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    87 @ Daria I love it

  124.  #124Mel on October 24, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Ooooh! And today… so funny! We went out to eat (and walked there because it wasn’t far). It’s been kind of damp and humid, and I didn’t really notice but all through dinner and most of the night, my hair was quite the crazy mess. My eye makeup also appeared to be running a little bit. Anyway, normally I would have been mortified going to the washroom and seeing myself look this way on a date. But Sireny me… I just laughed at myself wiped the smudge away from my eye and headed back to the table. I didn’t care a bit. And the truly funny thing is that I don’t think he even noticed. That’ll be a lesson to me in the future not to fret too much about appearances. It’s more the attitude and energy than anything that guys are drawn to! Big hugs to me! LOL 🙂

  125.  #125Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    omg i feel so judgemental towards the last two lines of what i wrote

    i sound so teacherly and therefore implicitly condescending


    i give up i don’t want to think about this anymore

    than you Daria for taking me to do somethng fun

    and thank you for babystep practicing to expressing how i feel

  126.  #126Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    my new boundary i’ve discovered

    i no longer want to respond to guys who write/leave messages saying something like “hellooooo? are you ever gonna write back???”

    or soemthing like that

    it feels icky and i used to just “let it go” and i don’t want to anymore

    it’s like since i came back from romania my standards for how i want to be treated are magically higher


  127.  #127Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    I posted on the previous string….reposting here and I’m glad to read this new article by Rori…it’s very good timing for me. I was not unfriended on facebook but I’ve still been feeling like it’s hard to let go of Recycled who comes and goes a lil too much for my comfort level. It is not what I want, but I’m still HOLDING ON.
    🙁 🙁


    I reached out to Recycled last night because something happened with my car, I left a message on his v.m. about it. I’ve been having one issue after another with the damn car, and I’m feeling frustrated/sad and just looking for some words of reassurance! I wasn’t even asking him to help me with anything, just information. Blech…I don’t even care if it was leaning forward. F$&k it!
    Anywho, he never called back.

    Well I sent a text to him just now saying I feel pouty and needy and that I was just looking for some comforting words…and a sad face…  about the car thing…(realizing now I could have phrased into a better feeling message)

    I feel like I have nothing to lose here, and I feel actually pretty happy that I sent it, WOW I feel strangely liberated. I’m not tiptoeing around anyone anymore. What the hell, I’m being true to myself.

    If he’s not able to handle it then fine. I don’t care!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m laughing at myself because I am OWNING the word needy…he has called me that before…. And OMG!!!! I was FURIOUS!!!  And so so so HURT that he said that to me.

    Well now I’m calling myself that because I’M NOT ASHAMED OF IT…I am OWNING it!!! Why the hell not?????????? I AM needy so there! I said it! What the f&%k ever!! If he can feel my angry vibe too, then good!!!!
    I!!! don’t!!! care!!!!!!!!!

    Haha he’s the one who is needy…dannngggg…. the guy only talks about himself the whole time all the time…blah blah lbah same boring s@#t over and over about his divorce and his problems!


    ZZZZZ SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  128.  #128Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    He’s the needy one actually!! LOL lol lol lol lol lol lol

    Maybe Recycled is not capable of being reassuring. I’m kind of pushing him into a corner like “are you or are you not able to show compassion and caring towards me???” Maybe that is wrong and totally off the rule book…but I’m kind of a rogue siren atm….LOL LOL LOL……..

    I know that some men are capable though. I do. There are some. My boss for example. He can be really nice and reassuring at times. Aww I feel appreciative of that right now…..I’m soo lucky that he’s nice like that. He really has a good heart. I’m so lucky to have a nice boss!!! Awww….

    In other CDing news, FO3 totally poofed and never replied to my email response to his email wanting to see me (few weeks back now). What a weenie!! Weirdo. Maybe I should lol some more!

    Feeling angry at him too. Why do I have to feel angry at people to cycle past something??? AAAHHHKKKKK>…I feel curious about this part of myself…and I would like to heal this please….

    I feel so much better after writing all this out to you all on siren island….!! LOL

  129.  #129VW on October 24, 2011 at 8:27 pm


    hmm…i feel bad for being a bit dishonest in my response 🙁 and kinda of sarcastic…although it felt playful to me…an awesome old pattern to hide my feelings…real feelings…

    yes, i feel angry…and yet, behind the anger is a deep sadness…disappointment…:(

    I really liked him and expected (that’s right, i did see a future for us)…a deeper connection very quickly…:( it was all sooo unexpected 🙁 his shadows took the best of him…

    sigh…damn it…:( i feel tearful …:( i miss him…

    thank u for working with me on this…love u …

    warm hugs,

  130.  #130Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    i Think or used to think and worry that i was a cold hard bitch

    im healing yay!

    i sometimes still worry about it with Hawkman… hmm../

    it’s something that doesn’t feel good… i don’t want to feel that way with a guy

    i think i pinpointed the ex he reminds me of… still feel unsure tho

  131.  #131Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    126 Daria says’
    “it’s like since i came back from romania my standards for how i want to be treated are magically higher”

    Good for you!

    Maybe I need to go to Romania 🙂 🙂

  132.  #132Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    VW – aww poor girl! ((VW)) cry it out!! all you can and sip some water to let it flow

    you WILL BE OK! even better than OK! you are healing… this is healing…

    after i cried out my heart for guywho… i feel so much freer… and that was just this year i think I did that crying… whenever it comes up, its a blessing

  133.  #133Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Emerson – yeah i don’t know what happened! but i like it a lot…

    i think it was that lazy time spent with myself. it felt so cozy inside with my uncle and on the computer with myself…

    and like SUCH EFFORT to get out the house, it would really need to be planned ahead of time …

  134.  #134Alicia on October 24, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    Well.. for what it’s worth in regards to the post….

    It sounds like the reponse to his wanting to see you on face book was a little over board. It sounded like when he said he wanted to see you. And you say,,,, “” That would feel great” would have been enough. And then he could have responded with plans…

    However, when I read the rest… I dont like accepting times or whatever with out confirmed date and time sounds like you assumed the worst and didn’t trust him to follow thru. And he probably started to feel like a dumb ass for even asking. He de friended after the fact of the Facebook.
    The party sounds like a seperate thing.

    If I was a guy I may have done the same thing. Give guys the benefit of the doubt and time to take the next step.The first response would have been enough.

  135.  #135April on October 24, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    OMG, he sounds like my ex boyfriend who,se name also starts with a J. I love what Rory said about that being immature because my ex is 52 years old.He unfriended and blocked me though I can still see his profile picture and comments and even posted a mean post on my wall to boot just because I messaged a friend about our breakup. I even spoke lovingly about him.I think his reason was just an excuse though because I think he just wanted to flirt with other women without me seeing and to be able to change his relationship status without me seeing who he might add as a new girlfriend.Rory makes me feel better because he,s also in zoosk looking and this means he,ll treat any woman he meets crappy too.

  136.  #136Starla on October 24, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Luzydel, you don’t feel like you belong here anymore?

    Girl, I’m going to have a boyfriend one of these days…trust me 😀 I highly doubt I’ll put off exclusivity until a proposal! And I was just in an exclusive relationship at the beginning of this year.

    And then you can come here to work out feeling messages and scripts for him and discuss keeping your energy feminine and seek support for all that.

    Is there any other reason u think u don’t belong here anymore?

  137.  #137Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Go Emerson – with expressing those feelings and noticing and expressing that anger

    it’s ok to feel angry!

    and the pushing a guy into a corner… well i don’t think you can get a turned off man – coming at a guy turns him off – to be his best self.. at best it would just feel awkward…

    anyways if you are the one pushing for it, then you won’t feel satisfied even if you do get what you want (that’s been my experience)

    then you’ll go to pushing again, and then to dissatisfaction… ick cycle

    i wish you could up your CDing so you can get a leg up on these patterns quick! is there anything you can do to ‘give it a bigger push’ to CD, not to a particular man, like Rori tells Ruthie in the article…

  138.  #138Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    Hug to Daria… she’s feeling all spread out and kinda insecure now… HUGGSSS DARIA

    you rock!

    i love how you share yourself iwth people

    you have awesome coaching abilities

    everyone loves you and looks up to you and adores you

    and when you need help everyone loves to help you

    you are so cool and unique and inspring

    you words are always soothing and welcome

    thak you for being my clear spring water

  139.  #139Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    Today I was thinking about how I don’t want to live by myself. And I asked myself who would I live with? And the first person who popped into my head was a friend of mine who was very dear to me for a long time, but she “unfriended” me in real life….she wrote me a letter and told me we are no longer friends.
    🙁 🙁
    (this was years ago). I was devastated. Our friendship was sometimes not the best, (she has a lot of addiction issues) but I still loved her! 🙁 🙁 We used to spend so much time together and had some fun times….

    But anyway, my point is how odd that the first person who popped in my head is someone who REJECTED ME…that was who I thought of to live with just off the top of my head. And I haven’t talked to her in years…
    Interesting and strange…but I feel happy because I think I’m healing something here… 🙂

  140.  #140blueeye on October 24, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Wow. I am waiting on a reply from Rori on which program I should purchase… and I stumbled on this blog. Really hurting because this brought up old pain. You see, my husband, yes we are married. Unfriended me, labled himself as single… then made up so he refriended me and listed himself as married, but not specifically to me…. another fight he un friended me again and it has remained that way for a year… at least he still lists himself as married, I’m just not privy to be on his page as wife or friend 🙁

  141.  #141Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    that feels so uncomfortable

    i can hear the ‘imagined poster voices’ judgeing me super loud

    and that’s totally ok

    i love me

    me and i can choose what to say to myself an shift my consciousness

    when i praise myself, i grow

  142.  #142Starla on October 24, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    One thing is for sure, when i do end up in an exclusive relationship, I am going to CD myself like crazy. I am going to be taking myself to coffee houses to chill out with a book, to the nail salon, for walks, to dance classes, etc., like my life depends on it (it does!)

    and when i’m out and about, i will smile and flirt with most any guy (yeah, i’m a trollup) within reason.

  143.  #143Daria on October 24, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    blueEYE – whoa.

    you need to purchase the book first, “Have the Relationship You want”

    then you can purchase in my opinion Reconnect Your Relationship and Modern Siren

  144.  #144Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    137 thanks Daria…I feel supported and I feel warmth reading your reply to me. I know what you mean because I feel kind of “off” coming at him that way…but it’s akward…and I had that urgency thing kind of take over… 🙁 It’s ok I love me and I’m still supported here… I am learning and healing. I feel more and more turned off by Recycled’s boy-ness versus man-ness…like he needs a Mommy to always talk to him about his feelings..and they TRUMP everything and anyone else…and the wierd thing is he can’t seem to solve these problems on his own.


    So we are essentially like two girls competing for the spotlight of our feelings being noticed and cared for…. LOL LOL LOL that just made me chuckle…imagining he and I being like two girls!!

    I love this blog and I feel thankful for how supported I feel dumping out my clumsiness and I know there is hope….

  145.  #145Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    141 hugs to Daria 🙂

  146.  #146Emerson on October 24, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    I think I’m attracted to Recycled because I really love sensitive men with a hard edge…and he has that. He works in law enforcement (manly-I love) but he’s got such a soft side…(which I love too…but not the boyishness mommy-needing part of it)

    Hmm I am starting to put the pieces together…I want to continue healing…not stalling…

  147.  #147Senior Lady Vibe on October 24, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    @36: Diana says:
    “…I have a date tomorrow We will see if he asks me…lol ..”

    If a “date” asks you that question instead of just “someone” you’ll need to adjust your response…

    You can still let him know that you are open to marriage. During early dates with a stranger, I don’t believe it’s necessary to go into a detailed past history.

    Have fun on your date.


  148.  #148Butterfly wings on October 24, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Luzydel, both my ex husbands started off as boyfriends and both were VERY step up from day one.

    In saying that, I was quite the siren, doing my own thing, CDing my girlfriends, flirting with men and all that.

    What I didn’t do was revolve my life and my decisions around them.

    I suppose they knew they had a quality woman and they did what they could to keep other men away! 😉

  149.  #149Starla on October 24, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    I am enjoying reading the blog tonight. It feels so good to check in and see how everyone is doing these days! It’s like everyone is headed for wonderful things…just a feeling I get lately from this place.

  150.  #150Daria on October 24, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    Emerson – what I do that feels good to me is when men say something about their feelings to me (or about not finding a parkign spot, or somewhat disconnected from the convo… something that doesn’t feel like an Arrow of Attention Directed at ME)

    i just stay silent. i let my pelvis expand and get deep in that quietness

    and then he will say something !

    anyways, once i got better at saying NO to what i didn’t want… like hearing about other women, or maybe even feeling bored/unheard…

    then guys seemed to get over those issues… or new guys without the issues showed up (after some test guys tht showed up to test my new boundaries)

  151.  #151Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    I wanted to post this a few days ago, but my phone was messing up (was trying to post from it) and it wouldn’t go through.

    Friday night MM had a really intense talk with me out of nowhere. It felt really sweet and amazing because he was holding me and we were gazing into eachother’s eyes the whole time (we were standing, btw – in the entryway). There was so much that we talked about. I still feel a little confused as to where it all came from – he shared so much of himself with me. He talked to me and about the fact that I want kids of my own and that he’s undecided about it and just all kinds of deeply personal stuff.

    Anyway, I feel most impressed by the fact that he intuited my (possibly most limiting) underlying belief that my Dad taught me and after all these years, I still haven’t completely “unlearned.” He asked me if I fear he’s just using me for sex. I felt shocked and tongue-tied. I had to look away for a moment. I could feel myself starting to shut down and felt hot tears in my eyes and throat – it was hard to swallow. I felt so freakin terrified. My heart felt like in the movies where you see the castle gates drop. He expressed concern, so I told him I needed a minute – the whole while I was concentrating on opening my heart and the whole time he was still holding me – loosely, because I had to take a half-step back to look away from him. When I finally caught my breath and felt my heart open again, we talked about it in-depth. It still feels challenging to me to open myself up to anyone, but he keeps drawing me gently out. Holy crap! It felt exhilarating and safe to talk with him about it and then he told me, “I’m not quite ready to go down on one knee and give you a ring yet, but there’s a lot more to this than sex.”

    Wow! What an amazing therapist I found! Heehee. I’ve talked with him about lots of stuff I don’t usually discuss a whole lot with anyone, but never have I discussed that fear with a man. And then I got home and the NVs started. Must they always rain on my parade?! Little bastages! Telling me, “oh, he’s history now, sucka! He’s gonna leave cuz you want kids. You should’ve never told him.” (As if I had a choice – he asked me about that one a couple weeks ago).

    Then…the coolest thing happened. I felt a shift and thought, “*I* am a remarkable woman, and this one’s too smart to risk losing me.” Then I felt at peace and the NVs poofed.

  152.  #152Starla on October 24, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    OMG sweetpea i can so relate to this:

    “And then I got home and the NVs started. Must they always rain on my parade?! Little bastages! Telling me, “oh, he’s history now, sucka! He’s gonna leave cuz you want kids. You should’ve never told him.” (As if I had a choice – he asked me about that one a couple weeks ago).”

    Yes! This gets me thinking. I noticed that when I just lean back and reaaaally focus on me and taking care of me when i’m feeling that way, they come back with even stronger feelings for me. If you can share personal, true, even overwhelming stuff about yourself with someone and not act like you wonder if you should take it back (take back being yourself), that is so attractive to men, i think.

  153.  #153English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    Re period pain/cramps:

    Louise L. Hay, author of the book You Can Heal Your Life, says, “The probable cause of PMS is allowing for too much confusion, giving power to outside influences and rejecting the feminine processes.” Her advice is to reaffirm your female energy by developing new thought patterns through affirmations; “I now take charge of my mind and my life. I am a powerful, dynamic woman! Every part of my body functions perfectly! I love me!”

  154.  #154Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    Thanks Starla. I agree and that’s the beauty of Rori’s whole philosophy, for me. Up until now, I’ve felt way too much fear to really be this open and straight-forward with any man. I believe it helps alot that he’s also straight-forward and open with me. I’m not sure I could handle a guy like this if I hadn’t done all this personal and relational growth the last couple of years though. I feel thankful to have had the opportunity to learn the self-love it takes to be able to be this authentic and brave enough to even risk it.

    The funny thing is, I was just sitting here trying to decide if he tells me “no” on the kid thing if it’s a dealbreaker. I’m a little undecided myself and not even sure I CAN. My theory is that it’s so unlikely at this point in my life, I’ll just roll the dice- if it happens, awesome! If not, it wasn’t God’s will. But I don’t think I’m willing to take a “no” from a man. Only from God. Hmmm. I don’t believe MM will tell me “no” though. I’m not even sure I’m willing to accept a “not right now,” though, which feels totally unreasonable. I’m not sure I care if it’s unreasonable. I feel tired of reasonable. Weary of it.

  155.  #155English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    #69 Ella

    I get lots of meh first message on POF, a few years back I used to be ever so polite with my answer feeling like I had to answer everybody no matter how blah the first message was, but since I have grown into a Siren 😉 I just answer how I want with a flip answer, a FM or nothing at all.

    Because more will come, they just flow in and out like a river lol!

  156.  #156Daria on October 24, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    omg all these men are calling me i feel overwhelmed.

    i am like 4 messages behind on returning calls

  157.  #157Daria on October 24, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    I don’t mind whatever messages on POF. Sometimes if im feeling drained I’ll not answer

    most of the time i answer tho

    him: hi

    me: hi 🙂

    or him

    him: got any plans for the weekend?

    me: well… that would feel nice 🙂




    me: im feeling good thank you 🙂

    and i always say “thank you for the compliment” if he calls me beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, or says anything nice abuot me or teh profile

    I remember Rori way back telling a siren to not brush men off when they’re first contacting you because of ‘regular’ approaches.

    fine tune the radar to brush them off for bad behavior, not for initial lack of creativity

    a man might loosen up and get more creative later when he feels more comfortable…some guys are shy at first… not all guys are Mr. Masculine Perfect…

  158.  #158Daria on October 24, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    something sweet… hawkman called me today.. just for a lil bit cuz i forgot what he had to do…

    but i told him i was sweet and he says

    “baby you sound so sexy when you’re sick”


    i love that he knows how to compliment me and make me feel good

  159.  #159Daria on October 24, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    i got men coming out of my ears!

    like big carrots just coming out of my rabbit ears

    i always have carrots!! when i wantem!

    and when i don’t, then i don’t produce them. o utta my ears

  160.  #160Starla on October 24, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    “a man might loosen up and get more creative later when he feels more comfortable…some guys are shy at first… not all guys are Mr. Masculine Perfect…”

    I love how you put this, thanks Daria!

  161.  #161English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:05 pm


    I think you are doing just fine, like Rori tells us not to stuff down our feelings good and bad……..

  162.  #162English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    I keep thinking of Ella and the black cat lying on her bed, stretching and purring, like really feminine and feline.

    In contrast to a yappy people pleaser puppy dog which is how I have always been, I think Daria once called it something like “you first.” And yes that is me but I want to heal that and will keep the image of the black cat with the sparkly green eyes in my head. Thanks Ella. 🙂

  163.  #163alias girl on October 24, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    today turned out to be a very good day for me. i felt slowed down because it is the first day of my period but i also felt very self-loving. i almost felt childlike. it’s hard to explain.

    almost like a little more of my armor has been shed. probably has from last night.

    my opportunity is going well. he really likes what i have done so far.

    and i talked to a cd and i got to see myself be Too Excited, i guess. and it reminded me of how some men are with me. so i felt more compassion.

    i went for a long walk to a grocery store and that felt good too.

    and i called my bfex and that felt good too. he really does feel like my best friend. like he is someone i am able to bounce back with from conflict. he has seen me at my worst and vice versa. and i realized after talking to this other cd tonight that what i really like about bfex is how he seems to be right there with me in the now. in the moment.

    with cd on the phone i felt like he was in his head and i felt like he was “missing” me. it didnt feel like we were sharing anything. i felt like i was being interviewed and i was not measuring up well for job placement in his company. hehe.

    i didnt get to talk to bfex though tonight because he was doing something when i called. and that just felt right.

    i feel very in the zone today. and i wouldnt mind it one bit if i had more days like this.

  164.  #164English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    #151 Sweetpea

    Awww I have tears in my eyes reading that, you were vulnerable and afraid and he held you in his arms. 🙂

  165.  #165Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Glad to hear you’re feeling well. Your vibe seems mellow, slow, peaceful.

  166.  #166English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    #157 Daria

    Oh yes I always thank a man for a compliment, well can’t get too many of them. 🙂

    I just mean the strange ones……..sometimes I answer, sometimes I don’t because I am too busy being a Siren lol! 😀

  167.  #167Elayne on October 24, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Rori, I don’t understand why you got so upset about this one. It’s just FB, and I think he did her a favor. We don’t know why he did what he did, but in the end, why does it matter? You mention that the need for closure is just seen by men as “drama” so I’m surprised to see you get so upset about it.

    I don’t think he should get to lurk around her FB page anyway if he’s not going to step up. In fact, if we follow your teaching, it seems to me like we shouldn’t be FB friends with CD’s at all because it takes the burden off them to do the work. Why pick up the phone if all he has to do is look at your FB page?

  168.  #168English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:25 pm


    Sounds like you are in the vortex (zone) right now, I haven’t been there for a while but I plan on making a visit real soon. 😉

    Sometimes life overwhelms me, money, job, car problems, just get down days here and there.

    I think one of my problems at the moment is the lack of exercise, it’s too dark of a morning and too dark when I get home. I tried to join the gym near me but they only offer 12 months memberships and I don’t want to be tied down like that. 🙂 Maybe I will look for a gym near to work and see if I can figure something out……..

  169.  #169Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    EW – I know! He’s such a good guy. I feel cared for, valued and treasured by him. Not sure I quite feel worshipped, but pretty dang close.

    I feel happy that you were moved to tears. Since I know they’re not tears of sadness.

    Re: the gym – I’ve used workout tapes/videos for a long time – yoga, pilates, dance. They have some really good dance exercise videos and they’re so much fun that it’s not difficult to find the incentive to do them.

  170.  #170English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    Talking of FB, this just popped up on my wall:

    The spaces between your fingers
    were created so that another’s could fill them in. ♥

  171.  #171English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    #169 Sweetpea

    Yeah maybe I will look into the workout DVD’s I hadn’t thought of that and MUCH cheaper than a gym too. Thank you.

  172.  #172Sweetpea on October 24, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    @170 – aww! That’s super sweet. I feel like a big pile of mushy goo reading that!

  173.  #173English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Wow Sweetpea thank you so much for the idea you gave me!!

    I just checked out youtube and there is a ton of FREE workout stuff on there, OK tomorrow morning (too late now) I will clear my living room floor and JUST DO IT!!!

  174.  #174English Woman on October 24, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    #148 BW

    Re the first 2 being step up men and you being so naturally Sireny, do you feel you kind of lost it along the way as you got older and going through divorces?

    Just curious I suppose and you don’t, of course, have to answer if you don’t want to.

  175.  #175Butterfly wings on October 24, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    EW when I get home tonight I’ll post a link to some great YT videos. I’ve followed this woman’s program and it really does work!

  176.  #176Butterfly wings on October 24, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    Yeah EW I suppose I’m feeling somewhat disenchanted but I do know that TH always reacted positively when I did actually get this siren thing right. Maybe I am just out of practise – and carrying lots of extra baggage too…

  177.  #177Daria on October 25, 2011 at 12:45 am

    ok the last convo i had with this man felt kinda good… and kinda intense and draining too

    i had great practice though in saying what i don’t want… which was that i didn’t like his job (which he liked a lot)

    i felt scared but i said it! go me!


  178.  #178Daria on October 25, 2011 at 12:45 am

    it felt kinda not good… the convo

  179.  #179Daria on October 25, 2011 at 12:46 am

    some of it felt good and some of it felt intense/scary too draining… close to my old patterns but not quite as intense

    i was practicing keeping my pelvis open the whole time and that really helped

    go me

    go me

  180.  #180Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 12:57 am

    Luzydel, there is nothing wrong with being in an exclusive relationship when the time is right with the right man and you are ready. Like Starla said, just continue CDing the world. I am in an exclusive relationship for the first time since my marriage ended several years ago and it is going very well. Laughing Goddess is in an exclusive relationship as well. Rori supports these choices too. <3

  181.  #181Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 1:09 am

    FACEBOOK – everyone please remember not to make assumptions which could be wrong about unfriending/blocking! Specifically, if a person deactivates their account (which they may do for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with you; e.g., their account security has been compromised), it will appear as though they have unfriended/blocked you. Deactivating causes their comments to disappear all over facebook. Don’t jump to conclusions. You don’t know what you don’t know! <3

  182.  #182Daria on October 25, 2011 at 1:33 am

    ugh im feeling all unsafe now

    it’s like the convo i had with that guy feels overwhelming to me now

    i love my overwhelm

    i love my sigh

    i love my fear

    i love my yawn

    i love my anger

    i love my cracking neck

    i love my full feeling lower tummy

    i love my blinking

    i love my ywaning


    i love my stuffy nose feeling

    i love my giggle


  183.  #183Daria on October 25, 2011 at 1:42 am

    feelin kina tense kina tired

    i love me

    i love my tense feeling and my tired feeling

  184.  #184sammie sighs on October 25, 2011 at 1:54 am

    #56 Zumba Yay lol I really enjoyed it I run alot but wow that made me sweat! But then again my personal trainer told me I sweat like a man NICE lol! Butterfly Wings the walls will come down, keep reading here like you are and allowing yourself to feel the pain and know that when your heart opens you do let the good in with the bad but thats how you learn to find the difference alot quicker when your open and soft you realise who you are and your bounderies and if a man tells you otherwise you will know in yourself his wrong, you wont question yourself again! If that makes sense lol

  185.  #185sammie sighs on October 25, 2011 at 1:56 am

    #91 VW I had this once and he said it was because he didnt want to click and be able to see what I was doing and he didnt want my comments to show on his photos and wall he said it just upset him. I think men to have to block stuff out they harden up and do things like we do..and yeah plus he could me mad at you lol I wouldnt take it to hard thats his business ..x

  186.  #186Ella on October 25, 2011 at 2:05 am

    vw re 97

    Awww 🙂

  187.  #187Ella on October 25, 2011 at 2:05 am

    I meant to put ‘VW’ in caps… not small letters..


  188.  #188Daria on October 25, 2011 at 2:08 am

    im making myself feel better by practicing beating out rhythms with my hand on the computer to reggae music

  189.  #189Ella on October 25, 2011 at 2:08 am


    Re 104,

    Awww, what a lovely story!

    I feel excited to see if the cat visits again!


  190.  #190Ella on October 25, 2011 at 2:19 am

    Alicia re 134,

    I feel a lil defesnive.

    You may be right however there is a lot of hisstory of him suggesting dates or making plans and the not confirming or following through, or standing me up…

    So I was sick of that and needed a boundary.

    I feel weird that I am explaining cus I don’t want people to think badly of me… and also I want people to know all the facts.

    Hmm, explaining as a form of control?

    Oh well love me anyway.


  191.  #191Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 2:49 am

    Ella, you just added some details for Alicia (and us) to understand what the situation with J. was all about. I don’t feel you’re trying to control anyone, just adding to the story to make it more complete.

    I don’t think anyone here thinks badly of you – at least, I don’t.

  192.  #192Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 2:50 am

    EW, Jillian Michaels has some very good DVDs if you feel like working out very hard. No need to good to the gym, you’ll just waste money and time.

  193.  #193Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 2:53 am

    Luzydel, I’m in a commited relationship too and even though I feel a little “alone in my corner” here sometimes, I really don’t care because I’m so happy about it! 🙂

  194.  #194Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 2:59 am

    I went to the driving school yesterday to get my book and pay my first installment. I’ll be starting on November 9th.

    I’m a bit overwhelmed not only by the size of the book but by the price I’ll have to pay for that course. I seriously didn’t think it was that expensive but the government decided to change it from one year to two years of practice, meaning I’ll always have to have someone with me for two years while driving after I get my temporary permit. Which means I won’t be able to move in with F until 2013. I’m disappointed but I’ll do it anyway.

  195.  #195Daria on October 25, 2011 at 3:24 am


    feeling a lil weird

    i love me

    i love me

    i love me

    i love me

    i love

    i love me

    i love me

  196.  #196Aurora Girl on October 25, 2011 at 3:32 am

    @114, 193

    Luzydel, Lyka

    I echo your thoughts too Lyka……I’ve been in what’s developing to be an exclusive relationship too….with a long distance guy…..so even though I may have engaged in this blog, starting this past spring before I met him, I still check in once in a while…..but what I read and what resonates with me has shifted now to maintaining a good soft outside and strong inside vibe to stay healthy in this relationship….I find Rori’s tools work well for that too…….because I still get triggered from past experiences….but LD is a gentleman and totally steps up and shows me that he has many qualities of Mr. Right….if I wasn’t practicing Rori’s tools i think I’d have sabotaged this long time ago lol.

    I still CD but in a different way…..engage in more healthy ways with men everywhere, still flirt a little with my guy friends and have guy friends who want to help with my house, golf game etc. It’s fun and my LD has met some of them…….and they see he is a good guy too. No one is threatened and he and I just keep getting closer. I am 49 and he is 54, so not sure if the age is part of it….I just know it is what it is….feels like it’s evolving and growing naturally and that feels so good……..


  197.  #197Susan on October 25, 2011 at 4:55 am

    RE: 114: luzydel says:

    “What is wrong with having a boyfriend?
    Why do I feel like I do not belong here any more, once I said I am in an exclusive relationship?”

    I’m also in an exclusive, committed relationship. It will be a year this Saturday. I still come here because I feel I have a lot to learn and I’d love to have this guy continue being in my life.

  198.  #198Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 5:43 am

    Lucy and Elayne you make very good points.

  199.  #199Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 5:49 am

    RE 114 Luzydel only you really know the reason why you feel the way you do but you have to explore the feeling and question yourself to get clarity for yourself.

    About the boyfriend thing, I believe it works when you are relatively young and not ready for the long term commitment most of us are looking for. When we get to the place where we are looking for happily ever after most of the times we tend to cling onto guys as if we want to fling them into a cage. Guys end of feeling trapped by that as if they have no choice and because of the pressure they want to run away. Also exclusivity does not mean long term commitment to most guys but for us we tend to think that way. My experience is that it is just like a transit point for guys. So not being in an exclsive relationship, for me is just keeping myself open for what I want. Not all of us are at the same stage in our lives or want the same thing.

  200.  #200mali on October 25, 2011 at 5:59 am

    Feeling sad- I can feel the space having accepted my life without this guy.

    I LOVE MEEEEEE! *hugs self*

    I received some gorgeous clothes through the post this morning, one is a snakeprint maxi dress, and the material and colour make me feel so beautiful. Yay! I feel happy seeing it- so pretty.

    And now, I will get myself out of bed (It’s a day off from university), exercise (and remind myself of how sexy my body is), and do my assignment.

    I will love me, because that’s what I deserve. I love me.

  201.  #201Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 6:11 am

    Sweetpea your story brought tears to my eyes. It is the sweetest thing to hear someone else’s truth.

  202.  #202Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 6:16 am

    Using FaceBook To Tell Where Your Relationship Is Going

  203.  #203English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 6:16 am

    #175/176 BW

    Thank you for your answer, I wonder how life would have turned out differently if I had known all this RR stuff 30 years ago?

    I would love to have some good links for exercise, mind you I live in a very small apartment so no running LOL!

  204.  #204Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 6:16 am

    I find guys to be ridiculous. They give you such a hard time and amount of stress for having a life, harassing you and whatnot, until you have to almost block them! Or you DO. And then when you finally have time…they try and make that into “desperation” on your part. I feel like these days, this generation has so many repulsive men, I can’t believe it! For example, I was saving my virginity…so I get raped! I have a life and a job so…they nag me to spend time with them, and truly harrass me. Then when I’m finally getting more interested, a few months down the road, they start to two time me…they get mouthy, even as far as yelling at me. I’ve dated a LOT of guys….and never in my LIFE have I had any of these problems up to now. I have not changed other than I’m finally ready to try to find something real. The moment I feel this beautiful elated almost spiritual feeling, I get all these slime. It’s made me feel ILL on the inside. And I’m used to being made into a girlfriend at LEAST a couple months in after seeing someone…these guys are trying to convince me to be “fuck friends” and some of them are younger and think I’m a cougar, just because I have ASD and have a younger social age and I really NEED to have a relationship with a younger guy. But the older guys I’ve dated recently, and soooooo bitter and jaded, then start dumping it on ME! And do I take it? Usually not, however if someone is dying from a terminal disease, if he’s not the type who is a NICE ill person, I guess he’s in pain and not able to contain himself! Well, sad….sad sad sad. I can’t find much excuse for THAT either. I’ll tell you, even if you are a nice decent person with a ton of self esteem and self respect like I do, and you are a really sweet and wise person, the remaining fact is…the guys out there! they are socialized now to treat women like booty…and nothing else. It wasn’t like that in the 80’s. We didn’t have these hiphop guys all walking around with video of women being tramps around them! I honestly find this is a sick era, and I am trying hard to find venues where there are decent men: the art gallery, humanity groups, churches…and yes the men in MY church I can get into a car with and trust…and they wouldn’t even TRY to be alone with you in a dark room they’d feel that is asking for trouble, so they are respectable, but there aren’t any guys from my church in my city to date…I’d have to move and I am a student right now…I can’t! but I don’t know about other churches. Anyway…even though I’d dated top notch sweethearts most of my life, and now all the scum and lining up around me just recently…in the past few years…I confess I don’t think I’ve ever been loved. I love, and I’m careful, I haven’t had children, I’m very careful, but my Asperger’s Syndrome causes me a real barrier. So apparently self help books and pop psychology are all helpful to me, that I should take as much as advice as I can find, so I’ve been studying dating, and stats and watching people around me for a about 3 years now…was thinking of writing a book too, but anyway, I won’t until I have cracked all the codes in my own ASPIE way…and then I’ll write a book that truly goes down deep into things, so that even an ASPIE can learn. 🙂

  205.  #205English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 6:18 am

    #181 Lucy

    Yes this is true, my daughter regularly does this for a week or two so she can get study work done lol!!

    When she does go the family are on at me, where is she? Why isn’t she on my contacts, etc.

  206.  #206English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 6:25 am

    #92 Lyka

    Will check out Jillian Michaels too, of course I am no spring chicken and am not up to star jumps and grapevines lol but DO need to get moving. The clocks go back here at the weekend, so it should be lighter for a few weeks at last……..

  207.  #207Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 6:28 am


    What do you do when you’re hopelessly in love with a player? What do you do when you simply can’t get over him? What if you feel you’re going to die if he won’t be your husband in the end?

    VG wrote to me about how she once had a elationship with a man, but later realized that he was a hopeless player. The guy only wanted the physical side of
    things, and none of the emotional responsibilities.

    Unfortunately VG had already fallen desperately in love with him…

    “We’ve kissed, but I’ve avoided having sex with him,” VG wrote to me. “In fact, I’ve been avoiding any invitation to meet privately. I know that if we ever have sex, he’s going to dump me for good. What do I do, Alex? I simply can’t get over him — I want him to marry me eventually.

    VG’s situation is very tricky — there’s simply no guarantee that he’s going to change his mind about being a player.

    If VG stays with him, she loses. And if VG leaves him, she still loses. Think of the heartbreak she’ll have to go through!

    But here’s my advice, VG — if you truly want to take the risk of making him “the one,” then don’t stay with him.

    But on the other hand, don’t leave either!

    What you should do is stay in his radar, but start meeting other men on the side. Start dating. Start making friends. Start flirting!

    In other words, I’m asking you to try being THE player in the relationship.

    Try becoming the kind of woman that the REAL men out there actually WANT to know better — fun, independent, mature, and attractive in all aspects!

    If you play your cards right, he’s going to notice that you’re actually doing FINE without him. And since players value their reputation more than anything else, he’s going to try to win you back!

    Yes, it’s possible. In fact, it can even be EASY! When you know exactly how a man’s mind works in the dating game, you’ll know which buttons to push to
    actually make him see you as more than just a friend with benefits!

    Want to know how to push his buttons?

    To the happiness you deserve,

    ~Alexandra Fox

  208.  #208Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 6:42 am

    I just want to leave another point. The onus really should be all on us to guard our hearts, to find love etc….and all the self help books out there are teaching women to be what men want: cool and undesperate and not needy. Ok fine that’s all good, but…what are the men doing? They aren’t even seeking love out! hardly. Some are. the point is, I dated a guy from church, in England for 7 years…which took me away from dating is the regular world outside church, for a mere 7 years. In that time, he never had sex with me, he was a virgin and was strictly against sex before marriage. In fact…when he felt super sexual, he found ways so as to not get us riled up that way…and still have feelings! I mean he completely did this, and in fact I was almost the one wanting sex! The table was completely turned! But he’s a manager, and when the guys at his job are talking in vile ways about women, he has a WAY of making people feel really dumb, I mean REALLY dumb for talking like that. Really ashamed. And he doens’t spout religious talk at them either. And to boot, he doens’t have time for it, he says. He truly was different, and there is no question in my head that guys CAN contain themselves, they can be decent, and they can LEAD a relationship in a decent fashion. This proves it! So I don’t buy any of this now where guys are out for sex and don’t want commitments. They are not “being guys”, they are being terrible! And they are expecting validation for that too. I don’t think we should. I don’t even think we should ignore it and let them go to other women and act like this either. I honestly think, there should be laws in place that men should be treating women with a HIGH level of respect and decency, and if he two times, he gets a fine, (this goes for women too), if he acts like a dog, he’s banned from society, pushed out until he learns how to be decent. and etc…I honestly think that men are pushy, and they are trying to force us all to believe that it’s their world and we are supposed to be booty, and I mean they are getting very forceful! I don’t know why we are even remotely treating it as acceptable, by instead of disciplining people, we “let them go their way”. Whose going to teach them…so that they all don’t band together and start treating women l disrepectful. And you know…even my time I find is very important, and they don’t want to respect that, no matter how nicely or how strongly I assert my boundaries. They don’t care…they are trying to take a battering ram to my values! I honestly can’t believe the nerve these days. It’s not just a thing where you can say “here’s my boundary, respect or leave” they honestly force…cry and whine, undermine…whatever they can do, they are at war with us…and I’m not into that. I honestly think they need some disciplining…they are not taking responsibility to their actions. I am very burdened by doing all kinds of things to protect myself etc….I have to do it all whilst they run around free men, rapists, harrassers and all! I can’t do a thing! The guy who raped me was in the army, and I tried reporting him, and all that happened was they moved him. He’s still apparently gaining status…and doing well! How dare someone who is supposed to protect citizens, abuse them? Honestly ladies, men are worse pigs now than ever. Even though there are have eras where women were owned and restrained and had no power…I think men are trying to get that era back.

  209.  #209Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 7:01 am

    EW – #205:

    I understand – her workouts are tough and not meant for everyone, I guess.

    She has a new yoga dvd out, maybe that’d be more your style. Here’s a preview:


  210.  #210Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 7:09 am

    Just one last thing. I do have hypergraphia, and write a lot so bare with me…I think this is serious. I’m mentioning this because…I was once naive, a lot more naive than now. I was strong about my values, but I was a lot more naive and I never got treated like a target then when I WAS naive and easier to fool. Very rarely did a guy try to do that to me. They were all too shy to try to ask for sex, and I rarely met a true slime. when I did, he wasn’t nearly as sickly as they are in this era. These days, it’s the social norm for guys to ask women up front for sex, and expect it now or later, sometime, and they won’t get emotionally involved. I find that men are far more pushy, and even though I am very strong, and not naive at all, they are treating me like a target! And I won’t let them I’m pretty bullet proof, but I amazed that I was actually raped. I didn’t put myself in any kind of vulnerable position, I was just forced in. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a young person in this era! I wouldn’t want to be naive again and be susceptible to men how they behave these days! It’s a very bad era, and I see the men around me as almost very very spoilt rotten and have no concern whatsoever how their actions, how their selfish actions are affecting people around them! I don’t see them taking responsibility, and I don’t see them leading us, like gentlemen with a decent hand. I know there ARE good guys, but it’s really changed. It used to be rare to meet a slimy guy and I’d RUN! These days, it’s encouraged, and we are bombarded by slimy guys. I mean, what would men do if all the women became like the Amazon goddesses, they’d put us in jail! But what are we doing about them?…I’m sorry I’m NOT a feminist, but this is really serious. I would never be talking like this. I’m a gentle person, but something is definitely wrong. Society is really debase these days and allowing all this. It’s getting worse. I am protective, I’m very sweet and loving, and I never HAD guys acting so predatory like this even, even when I WAS vulnerable in my youth! They never had this much nerve!

  211.  #211Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 7:10 am

    Deborah, I agree with most of the things you said but I’m afraid I don’t agree with the last two sentences. Men are not ALL pigs, some of them are civilized and don’t only seek sex at all cost. Let’s not generalize, here.

  212.  #212Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 7:12 am

    That being said, I’m sorry to hear you were raped. This is horrible.

  213.  #213VW on October 25, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Sammie #185:

    I soo appreciate sharing your experience…thank u 🙂

    warm hugs,

  214.  #214Susan on October 25, 2011 at 7:25 am

    RE: 203: English Woman says:

    “I would love to have some good links for exercise, mind you I live in a very small apartment so no running LOL!”

    Here is a possibility…


    They post new videos with regularity and have different difficulty levels and different teachers available.

  215.  #215Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 7:35 am

    I think these men were not spanked for bad behavior in their youth. that must be the reason. Because spanking is not murder, you are not killing the child, you are teaching them very quickly and efficiently not to behave poorly and it works. I feel sorry for abused child. But yes. the men in this era have no been disciplined, and have no notion at all what it’s like to NOT get what they want, after a little crying and whining. I guess their moms thought they would him cry until these men spun out, and he would wear out trying to get what they want…But obviously these men eventually did get what he wanted. or else they thought acting out was alright to do as much as they like forever until they give up, and then later at some other point they got rewarded for ok behavior, but never punished for the bad behavior. This bothers me. Even if people don’t spank, there has to be an effective way to teach children not to grow up to be such losers! Because there are so many of them. The mom’s put all the ONUS ON US…the wives and girlfriends…and that’s not fair! these men should have learned to behave decently and respectful from their childhood, and their mom’s should have been someone they honored and were afraid of. they should have learned from childhood how to treat a woman! No have all the girlfriends and wives have to be mom, and set all kinds of tough boundaries and rules. that’s just garbage! I’m not here to train men! I’m not here to put up with it, and I shouldn’t even be HEARING about it, much less experiencing it. 🙂 When guys are rude, and cutting you off, this is a sign of disrespect. Even if they don’t NEED to tell you why, they should be looking out for people’s feelings. And they should know. why should the onus be on me not to “take it personally” or whatever…? Excuse me but it’s not ACCEPTABLE. And why do I have to deal with it? Their mom’s should have taught them how to treat a person. That’s how I feel. I’m a little tired of all this. The onus shouldn’t be on us to be juggling and responding ever so immensely wisely to a bunch of fools. they should step up. But why do I have to train them? There should be auto respect. I can’t even behave like a lady anymore, I have to also be a security guard of my own feelings. If men are supposed to lead a relationship, the onus should be on them to know in advance how to treat a lady, I shouldn’t be worrying myself sick and reading self help books on how to cope with all these losers when it’s all their problem anyway. But they should be allowed to be this way. Really society is too lenient towards all this and it’s wrong. and now the individual must be careful, and it’s all “buyer beware” mentality. Instead of auto-respect. I can’t just “be” and be a gentle person and not worry about my safety, and not worry about getting my heart ripped apart savagely by men who care about nothing except themselves. There should be care everywhere and awareness of inter-caring and being responsibly for EACH OTHER in society. and if we can’t have that, we should have LAWS enforcing people to be respectful to each others feelings, and realizing that it’s against the law to be a salesperson and drawn people in to loving you and getting emotionally involved, when really are you are is a number, and they have you (and a few others) on probation while they decide which booty they want to keep around for a bit?? Bleh! If men aren’t seeking out love, they have no right to be with us at all. And we need to enforce this. Not get dragged in and then find out it was all for nothing…he was just trying to get a bunch of women excited about him so that he can have booty picks. It’s wrong when they have the wrong intentions like that, and they should have no right dating unless it’s a courtship to marriage. I understand false alarms and not meeting the right person and having to break it off, but not all this savage wandering about taking advantage of very loving sweet ladies, forcing them to have to learn to be police for themselves and their own hearts, that’s garbage.

  216.  #216Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 7:50 am

    So my point was…I don’t think we should allow this behave. It matters not how we respond for out own happiness. We won’t be happy in the end when we’ve done nothing to discipline each other, and sharpen each other, and then end up with myriads of people unfriendly and deleting and being rude. We will all be going to see a councillor, similar to talking on this page to each other, and thinking we are depressed…when the reality is, we are not diagnosed with depression, it’s just that we are surrounded by babies who don’t know how to treat a human being. I learned in England how to “repair” situations…and it worked, but it seems like only THEY wanted to run things well and get on good terms. I came back home to Canada, thinking wow, I have the proper skills that actually work, to repair a situation. All I had to do was learn them! WRONG! It’s wasn’t that I needed to learn these skills, it’s that EVERYONE around me did, and that’s why I never heard of it. People are so cold and polarized from each other in this society, that rather than mend things with each other or learn how to get along, or deal with differences and become a tighter knit moire loving community, they delete you as easily as they flush toilet paper down the toilet if any little thing irked them! Honestly it’s very unacceptable, and instead of sitting back, and acting wisely, it’s a point where we have to be that way, but also be a little proactive and confront people on their behavior and show them this is unacceptable. at least get them realizing that they can’t just be rude like that to people. Then go our ways and drop them! 🙂 It’s because there is too much leniency, and yes I know everyone is trying to find their little happy spot in their brains, going into a fantasy world in their minds, to cope with this brutal world, but there comes a point where we have to also do something about it too. Because we won’t be happy in the end if we let all this go. We will have to go more and more into out fantasy minds and imagine love and peace while people are practically shooting at us! Honestly, we have to do more than, run and find a happy place in ourselves. WE really have to made a few stands…nothing big but as a group show that this is bad behavior, and start a trend that it’s unacceptable to unfriend, and cut people off and leave us all to cope, high and dry. It’s irresponsible and I think we have to stop being such wishy washy people. a little. We don’t have to be brutal back, just a little confrontation here and there. 🙂 because yes we are looking for love, but if we let this whole world be this way, we won’t be able to find people like that anymore. We have to take responsibility for each other. and correct each others behavior a bit. not just run away to our own bliss when someone acts wrong. Because if that person is let to do that, then others will, and and after a short while while the tread builds, there won’t be anymore nice guys to find in other places, as they will all take on the same influence we allow them to.

  217.  #217sammie sighs on October 25, 2011 at 7:51 am

    #209 Hi Deborah (((hugs))) I too was raped by a boyfriend and by assulted by my stepgrandad it has taken me along time to get over it!!! And I have been where you are how your feeling! Its like you have no control and everyman is the same…..but there not! I understand putting up walls being hard but all it does is hurt you..they are getting on with their lives while your still hurting! The only way to win is to live to be soft again to trust again not in a stupid dumb I trust all way but in a way they have to prove themselves. And I have found being soft yeah Ive had some bad experiences but Ive found out a guy’s agenda alot quicker being soft but with my wits about me! No one is saying don’t be cautious but don’t let them destroy the person you were either!! I have had councelling if you haven’t already then please it helps xx

  218.  #218sammie sighs on October 25, 2011 at 7:56 am

    #215 And remember we can’t control people you will never be able too all you can do is learn from what happened to you. Its is scary out there it is good to have bounderies to protect yourself I do !! But this site is not all airy fairy its helped heal me to feel the pain and the anger and let it go because when we hold onto hurt and anger we end up hurting ourselves…!! I hope I make some sense just trying to share my experience..please ignore if you want to but I know how it hurts x

  219.  #219Lili 41 on October 25, 2011 at 8:51 am


    Hi Daria,

    If you’re scared of how I will take your comment to my situation…don’t. I like seeing all possible angles of my situations. You could be bringing up something that I wouldn’t see.

    Except, in my case actually, what I see is that I am attracting nothing but Workaholic men…not interested in cd’ing new workaholics.
    Right now, I need to cd myself by doing what makes me feel good and cd all kinds of people from my coworkers male or female, friends. All to get me used to having all kinds of people get close to me (intimacy)…Then my vibe will shift and I will surely start attracting other men than workaholics.
    I will cd men once I learn to cd myself 1st and foremost, to then attract different types of men who aren’t afraid of intimacy…Then I can really practice intimacy for real w a man.

    Your point of view is not bad at all Daria.
    Thank you for your comments, even if they feel “judgemental” to you, I am open to receiving any comment that is meant to help me learn. 🙂 xox

  220.  #220Daria on October 25, 2011 at 9:31 am

    Lili41 – thank you. I felt all scared even reading that anyway.

    It feels good to have my fear adressed w compassion tho.

    I would like to heal this ! Oh boy would I !

    I feel kinda weird this morning. My dream felt not so good. People were offering things to cheer me up in my dream.

    Why did I write that I felt all scared anyway? I felt myself kinda tighten up and go blank . Hmm. Thank you for noticing. I love me.

  221.  #221Mel on October 25, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Big smiles! 😀

    Architect emailed me, knowing that my plans tonight were to workout and take care of “me,” and asked if maybe we could go on a run together. He said he needed another “Mel fix” and was willing to do whatever just to see me.

    I feel amazed that I have become someone else’s crack fix… lol, lol, lol!

  222.  #222Daria on October 25, 2011 at 9:35 am

    English Woman – i exercise using T-tapp, it’s So fast and comprehensive and women geared. The website is T-tapp.com and they have a try before you buy free video section.

  223.  #223Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 9:44 am

    @155: English Woman says:
    “….but since I have grown into a Siren I just answer how I want with a flip answer, a FM or nothing at all.
    …Because more will come, they just flow in and out like a river lol!…”

    I’m very interested and curious to see how this will develop. Keep us posted. My “sirenness” is different; no tossing back for initial “blah-ness,”

    One of my mottoes as I’ve mentiond before: “No man tossed back before his time… ” but if I get a message with “I had came home” or “I had went home” I might run away.
    LOL 😆

    I don’t have a river, more like a teeny crystal stream trickling. So I want to see what I can develop with what appears. Rori says we create our soulmate connection; I believe so. Everyone’s situation is different and I believe it’s best to fine tune accordingly.

    But it’s cool to watch another siren with hundreds of guys.. and flipping those fish over one shoulder… back into the river (that’s my image of it…)

    My image, for me, is peering into a little mossy crevice in the mountain side on siren island and waiting for a few drops to trickle out… and they do sooner or later… with a little “Nemo” fish,,, or maybe a big ‘un squeezes through the stream out from the magic mountain.


  224.  #224Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Mel I found this on another site:-

    When you meet someone who matches your subconscious criteria, and you meet his subconscious criteria, there is instant chemistry between the two of you.

    On the other hand, when only one person matches the other’s subconscious criteria, it is only one person who feels the attraction toward the other.

    So, if you’ve ever been in a situation where a man you met did not seem attractive to you, but he would not leave you alone, he’d call you repeatedly, and continued to ask you out, you know that you met HIS subconscious criteria, but he didn’t meet yours.

    And it goes both ways. If you’ve ever found yourself attracted to a man who didn’t feel the same way about you, now you know why.

  225.  #225Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Someone passed this along to me this morning. I’ve not seen the material yet but I’m in favor of exploring resources to make life better especially at no charge. I believe in doing all the free stuff first…



  226.  #226mali on October 25, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Forgot how GOOD working out makes me feel. Woohooooo, I feel great! =D

  227.  #227Mel on October 25, 2011 at 10:02 am


    Thanks for that! Interesting about the subconscious criteria. 🙂

    I also wonder if perhaps guys just know what they want and recognize it a lot sooner?

    The guys I find myself attracted to “instantly” are often all wrong for me. Does this mean my subconscious criteria is severely flawed? LOL I need to reformat the hard drive on this one if so!

    I think Rori is right to counsel us to give good guys a chance that we may not feel attraction for initially. I can definitely see attraction building over time. Fun to notice the shift, actually! 🙂

  228.  #228Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 10:10 am

    My questions is, why is it when men stop being interested in you romantically or otherwise, that they suddenly have to treat you like extreme garbage. I find it such overkill! like, can’t they just say ” I don’t not have feelings for you like I did in the beginning, I do not mean to hurt you, I am very sorry. “. What is so hard about putting something gently and cutting you free that way? I don’t get why guys have to be overly exagerated nice in the beginning, and then in the end act like total jerks, as if you need some kind of kick in the butt to go away form them? When clearly, they weren’t letting you know anything, and they were implying it either, in fact often they hide it. You know, this behavior is wrong and unacceptable. to cut someone off with no explanation, when they KNOW your emotions are involved is immature. They don’t have any business dating if they aren’t going to deal with the consequences of how their actions are affecting others. There should be a licensing course offered, where they are tested to see if they are date-worthy, and when you meet a guy you should be able to check to see if he has a proper license to be dating a woman. Because if they don’t pass the course, they should have to keep on taking the course over and over, and paying through the nose, until they finally learn how to date, how to break up, how to talk to a person, how to be polite, etc…They don’t seem to grasp that politeness is essential in dating. Consideration is also mandatory. all these inconsiderate moves show me, the same as what we see on the road. There are so many bad drivers, you wonder if they got their license from a crackjack box. Same with men…they are such poor daters and boyfriends, you wonder how they were allowed on the dating field! I’m not a man basher, I look up to whom I look up to…usually men who are decent, who have earned their keep, or who have made real contributions to society. Respectable men deserve honour, but these fools running around, are such dirt, they probably don’t have a right to be on this planet, the way they treat people. HONESTLY. cutting people off on Facebook…is there anything more primitive and juvenile? More rude??? They should have a rule on facebook where you can only add verified friends, AND you cannot block someone UNLESS you have contacted the police first and there is a definite criminal following up on you. Other than that, deal with life! There are people all over the place that you have to learn to get along with, have to face sometimes, so just the juvenile reason that they want to clip you off so that they can hide their actions, and words…and go on to other women or whatever is indecent.

  229.  #229Mel on October 25, 2011 at 10:17 am

    “There should be a licensing course offered, where they are tested to see if they are date-worthy”

    Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine interviews her potential dates to see if they are “sponge-worthy.” 😉

  230.  #230Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 10:22 am

    2. Don’t write him off…yet
    Is he too short, too heavy, too young, too serious, not serious enough? There are scores of women who couldn’t stand their husbands at first and now can’t imagine their lives without them. Whenever a man shows up in your life – regardless of how long – treat it as an opportunity. Unless you are really turned off by him, give him at least three dates. He might not be your Mr. Right, but he will get you closer to him by helping you discover more about you.
    I’ve talked to SO many relationship experts – both men and women – and one thing keeps coming up: that the happiest women are often with men they didn’t feel crazy chemistry with at first. It’s true. I’m one of them. And you’ll love hearing all the unlikely love stories I’ve discovered through my Interviews With Relationship Experts:
    1. Remember that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man
    As long as you speak from your heart, the man who is going to love you will not be scared away – he will work with you through conflict, and this will bring you closer together. Of course, you need to make him feel safe enough to express his own feelings, and the way you do this comes right back to where we started: by expressing your own. As you build a solid foundation of safety and mutual acceptance, love doesn’t just thrive – it flourishes.
    There’s no need for you to ever feel afraid of speaking your heart to a man. Yet speaking from the heart is one of the hardest things to do! What does it look like to speak from your heart, and what words best say exactly what you feel in a way that will make a man WANT to please you? For a complete, step-by-step guide – whether you’re dating or in a relationship, go right to my Love Scripts program:
    I so look forward to hearing about the wonderful changes ahead for you!
    Love, Rori

  231.  #231Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 10:25 am

    About the lady whom says the guy was telling her she was needy. I think it’s rude to say that to a woman. Just words like that sound like “dirtbag” to me, like he’s not respecting you. Maybe what it is is he is too feeble to handle life, and so interacting with any real person, is too much for him. Maybe he shouldn’t be dating anyone if he is incapable and lame like that. Honestly, how needy are you? Are you laying in a bed with a terminal illness begging him to do all your errands? I bet what it is is, you are a normal woman, out dating to try to find a man to love and to marry. You are doing nothing wrong, this is completely innocent. You are not needy just because you are looking for something normal, such as a husband, and to get married and have children. This is all normal adult behaviour to seek out a life partner, and so you are not needing in expecting that people a dating, as a form of courtship, to settling down with someone. There is nothing you are demanding that is out of place or wrong. It is completely normal and acceptable to desire these things and there is no harm in them. If men are being abusive towards this whole natural behavior, they are abusers of mankind. Do they not want wives and families? They all do. However they abuse dating and use it to find someone to put their pee pee in, until they “grow up” someday, and become a man and want to marry. NO WAY should that be allowed. If they need to put their pee pees somewhere, they should hire a prostitute and pay her REALLY good so that she can go home and feed her children a well nourished diet and get proper education. Because I don’t there we should be here to “lean on sexually” until he has found himself (with VD), sooo let him pay his good hard earned money on a prostitute, and leave the nice ladies with the men who are decent. Not that I’m endorsing prostitution, but…if he really is such a low life that he cannot control his impulses, he really should be taken out of the dating field. Dating is not for finding vulnerable women and taking advantage of them, dating is not for having a fuck friend available in your house when you feel like, dating is for finding a wife/husband. When they date, they should be “able” to put women in slut or girlfriend category. there is only one category: girlfriend or OUT!

  232.  #232Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 10:26 am

    2. Don’t write him off…yet
    Is he too short, too heavy, too young, too serious, not serious enough? There are scores of women who couldn’t stand their husbands at first and now can’t imagine their lives without them. Whenever a man shows up in your life – regardless of how long – treat it as an opportunity. Unless you are really turned off by him, give him at least three dates. He might not be your Mr. Right, but he will get you closer to him by helping you discover more about you.
    I’ve talked to SO many relationship experts – both men and women – and one thing keeps coming up: that the happiest women are often with men they didn’t feel crazy chemistry with at first. It’s true. I’m one of them. And you’ll love hearing all the unlikely love stories I’ve discovered through my Interviews With Relationship Experts:

  233.  #233tinque on October 25, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Deborah – I feel very sad you have experienced such awfulness in men. I have met very, very few men who would come even close to what you describe. The men I have dated in the past or have been with have for the most part been respectful and very nice, maybe not for me for various reasons, but I can only think of one who was so deeply troubled that he acted out in ways similarly to what you describe.

    I want to invite you to look deeply inside yourself and see what it might be that is attracting this kind of element. What is this anger/sadness/ distress really about?

    Please try not to think that this is about blame. It so isn’t. Yet we all attract things to us in order that we may heal, if we so choose. \


  234.  #234Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 10:33 am

    1. Remember that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man
    As long as you speak from your heart, the man who is going to love you will not be scared away – he will work with you through conflict, and this will bring you closer together. Of course, you need to make him feel safe enough to express his own feelings, and the way you do this comes right back to where we started: by expressing your own. As you build a solid foundation of safety and mutual acceptance, love doesn’t just thrive – it flourishes.
    There’s no need for you to ever feel afraid of speaking your heart to a man. Yet speaking from the heart is one of the hardest things to do! What does it look like to speak from your heart, and what words best say exactly what you feel in a way that will make a man WANT to please you? For a complete, step-by-step guide – whether you’re dating or in a relationship, go right to my Love Scripts program:
    I so look forward to hearing about the wonderful changes ahead for you!
    Love, Rori

  235.  #235Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I’m a bad typist, but I hope people can sort out what I mean…such as men should not be “able” to put women in a slut of girlfriend category….there should only be one: girlfriend or OUT! If he doesn’t have the right intentions, OUT! And if he keeps on making these mistakes he will learn that no women will give him a chance when he is ready for a wife, because he will have a reputation, and have a mark on him that way so that women will stay away. right? we really have to quit allowing men to be validated in this behaviorism, or treat us like we are needy for wanting a normal relationship while they are behaving wrong! We should treat them as lamers for wanting to use women. I wouldn’t call a man who uses women, a man. That’s a slime. There is no honor in that at all. We want to love men, so when they complain about us being princesses…I can tell they are just trying to bring us down, so they can use us. We are normal, they are just trying to be slime and get away with it, that’s all. We don’t have to meet down to their fucked up standards, period.

  236.  #236Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Your subconscious mind is formed by your past experiences. It is not formed by what you know is good for you, but rather by experiences from your remote past, often from childhood and your teenage years.

    Attraction begins as soon as we meet someone who matches our mind subconscious criteria.

    When you meet someone who matches your subconscious criteria, and you meet his subconscious criteria, there is instant chemistry between the two of you.

    By Elaine M.D., a Professional Datingand Relationship Coach and Bestselling Author

  237.  #237Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Wow Deborah I am feeling really surprised at your rant. I have not experienced a lot of what you talk about in 227. I have just experienced them pulling away with no contact. And then eventually coming back around. I know though that I have had the belief that I have to fight for everything in life and that I used a very caustic tongue and tough demeanour in the past. I would not hesitate to tell guys off. Now that I have learned the Rori way I consciously try to be softer and any guys who don’t measure up early on I let them go. I sometimes get to a point where I will want to find out how they act when they get angry and find some way to mention that. I feel sorry about your negative experiences and wish for you that the universe sends you some of things your heart longs for.

  238.  #238Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Regarding attraction: matchmatrix has a thing where you can determine energetically whether your attractions are “true” (good for you and can be trusted) or “false” (not good for you and can’t be trusted, so you should date guys who do Not induce instant chemistry). They also have some very helpful info on differing communication styles. I don’t agree with their belief that you can’t make a relationship work with opposite comm styles (my parents did/are), but their info really helps with understanding.

  239.  #239Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Thanks for noticing my comment. I had looked deeply at myself for a while now and also spoke with a coach, a psychologist and friends and people at church. what it is is I’m a very sweet person. I’m nice and I treat people with respect and courtesy. I have had many boyfriends, and not until lately have they been like this. I’m 42, and this didn’t start happening until 3 years ago after I broke up with my boyfriend in England whom we had a great relationship except I guess it wasn’t a good match so it tapered off. Basically in a nutshell, times have changed. I do blame society, even if it appears like I’m blaming others. This is because I have not changed, I am the central feature in this, and so far I haven’t changed from being sweet and nice, but the guys have changed. The only thing that has changed is that the guys outside church are horrible, and the guys in church are wonderful. Soo, what can I say. I’ve looked deeply into myself, I tried to find fault, but the reality is, society is setting the trend and people are socially conditionned differently than they used to. My church has a very Victoria atmosphere, people act like they came from the 18th century. So I guess what’s wrong with me is I’m too decent and nice, and they guys are too slimy. So What has to change is either I become slimy and gross, and they I’ll feel happy! Or…they should quit being jerks. Because I never had this problem otherwise. 🙂 I’m just letting you know that I am not inviting these people, they are coming to me on their own, and I am not dressed slutting, acting needy, being mean or bitchy or feeling low in self esteem, and I’m ot egotistical either. I have worked very hard on my character over the years, and so what I can say is, probably my perfect love for mankind is overwhelming for people, and they don’t know what to do with that since it must make them feel guilty, but I do care for others, and I’m seeing horrible things around me. the other reason could be that God is sending creeps to me on purpose because he is molding me to be a better person, to stand up against this and stand up for his values in their faces….not just teach because I found that being nice like that doens’t work…but in their cases they’s be like the Pharisees, and I’d be like Christ telling them the truths about themselves. It can’t always be my fault for their behavior, and I do have to open my mouth and tell the truth. Now…if you never had a boyfriend like that, perhaps then you are experiencing what I’ve always experienced…good relationships, good guys…the slime haven’t gotten to you yet. Sooner or later, everyone will have these experiences, these men are not in some kind of vacuumed sealed container that I’ve only been in too…they with make their rounds to you too.

  240.  #240tinque on October 25, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Nope Deborah, I just cannot agree with this. I believe you when you say you are sweet and nice inside, but the rest, nope. Throughout time there have been really wonderful people and those who seem awful, but really they are deeply wounded inside.

    My man is lovely, sweet, affectionate, kind, caring, respectful of women, and more. Any of his friends or colleagues who I have met have been very decent, upstanding, nice men.

    I feel badly you are having these experiences, and I”m not saying you might be attracting this element because you are not nice, not at all.

    It could be self-love issues or setting boundaries issues, or maybe someone seeking love and acceptance regardless the poor behavior, or something else altogether.

    I have found that the more I healed myself, the fewer unsavory characters (wounded people) came into my life aside from the ones who have the awareness and the willingness to want to change, so they come to me for help in their healing. Not at all the same thing as those walking around oblivious.

    And there’s nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with only the people who do treat you well even if they are only found in your church.


  241.  #241Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 11:22 am

    When you feel sorry for yourself, your heart is closed to the love and wisdom that is within you and all around you; when you choose to be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself, your heart opens to the love, wisdom and power of Spirit.
    Self-pity comes from the intent to avoid/control, while self-compassion comes from the intent to be loving to yourself.
    When you choose to be compassionate toward yourself, you might say to your inner child – the feeling part of you – things like:
    • I know this is very hard, and I’m here for you. You are not alone.
    • The challenges of life can be very painful. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I love you and we will be okay.
    • This painful situation has nothing to do with you being bad or not good enough. Everyone has painful challenges in life. You are not being punished.
    • It’s okay to cry whenever you need to. We will reach out for comfort when we need it.


  242.  #242Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 11:23 am

    I’ll catch up on posts in a minute… but…

    Sweetie Babe’s “reading nook” has returned! I just moved in a little rattan love seat and I’m switching furniture around this week.

    It’s my traditional chintz and pearls (sometimes all black in the city,,, tee hee) style. That might change… I might be switching up to satin and leopard skin… Dunno.



  243.  #243Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 11:23 am

    I do want to also mention that I’m not fooled by things around me. I like the verse in the bible that says it bluntly: do not be fooled, a man who commits evil is a sinner. So, it’s not that these guys are good guys deep down, for being jerks. They are jerks, point blank, if they act like jerks. No one is telling them to be that way, asking them to come into our lives to treat us that way, they do it! This is their behavior, and indeed, it is not acceptable and society should be punishing people for this, not just letting it meander back and forth wherever. So yes, speaking up and saying, there are a lot of jerks out there and they are not being confronted, is the first step. Confrontation is best though. If you ever dealt with bullies, you’ll find that to shut them down from harassing you or hurting you, you have to have the courage to confront their ring leader. I do not know who the ring leaders are that these men are following, but like anything else, I’m sure there are ways to find out where they get their influences to be this way. So, yes we do have to be proactive, and not just sit there wishy washy. These guys exist, and I didn’t ask for them…And other women also don’t ask for them either! We are not “attracting” them…they are being predatory and looking for whoever they can find…they are doing it. I have attracted all sorts of men in my life and it wasn’t until this generation, that they men suddenly became this extreme. But everyone who knows me, knows I have not changed, and I have had extremely wonderful boyfriends in my past sooo, go figure! It’s them, it can’t be me. and I know it isn’t. I’ve soul searched, I’m bent over backwards to look in the mirror to see what was wrong, and all that I found was that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, and that isn’t any excuse for guys to treat me badly all the SUDDEN in the past few years, since, just before I found out. There really is no excuse, and nothing different, I didn’t expect all this to come at me, I had dated a man who never hurt me, or used me for 7 years just before all this, and all the sudden I start to date men outside church again, and the first thing that happened was I was raped! I never was raped when I was in my 20’s dating men outside of church! I dated men for years outside of church. But in the 7 year time slot….suddenly men became like this. The other thing, I could look in the mirror and say: well I’ve aged. So would this be their excuse then? A women gets a little older and then all the sudden she’s a target for all the slimeballs? hmmm. I hate to sound as though I’m trying to “justify” myself but really, I’m just being factual. I would admit it if I had changed or worsened or had suddenly 3 years ago started have self esteem issues. The truth is, I feel BEAUTIFUL. Plus on dating websites, I’m rated around 8.5…and I’ve 42! I got this formally checked as well, I really am not unattractive and desperate looking. Well maybe that’s the only change: I’ve started to feel beautiful and very happy about myself?? so this attracts all the slime? I’m telling you, I don’t know why I feel so beautiful, maybe my hormones, maybe my spirituality, I don’t know WHY I feel like a beautiful woman, I didn’t feel ugly before, but I feel great about myself now. So I don’t know. The guys never hated me in the past for liking myself. But I’m not egotistical, I just have a love for all humanity and I MEAN that. correcting others is not revenge…correcting this behavior in society is a form of love. We have to speak out, and not let it just keep worsening. Is it because i’m more confident?? I’ve always been confident I only used it for art and music, but I’ve always been outspoken, people know this. I am mysterious but outspoken, my friends have said. No one ever thought I was mean or horrible in any way. I’m respectful. any people (only 1 besides you, out of millions) who have told me to look in the mirror, were being evasive of the facts around them. For example, once in church I mentioned that people were being snooty. I said it was probably due to lack of faith since there is no need for it when you have love in a community. I was told to look in the mirror. About a couple of months later, after they kicked me out for saying something…their whole church disbanded. So I was right, there was something wrong in there community, causing people to act snooty…it turned out they were having issues amongst each other. I was being loving and thought everyone was together and all was fine, and the reality was… they weren’t and they were taking it out on me, so I told them how they were treating me (essentially not allowing them to take this out on me, to be their beating post, thing to dump on) and they didn’t like it. I suppose if people label you (as something you aren’t such as a person to take things out on when they are under stress and need stress relief) they treat you according to that label, and it must bug them that you don’t ACT like their label, but protest it. But if they were so perfect, and I was so terrible…then they should still be together! 🙂 That’s what I’m saying to you. If you are so perfect and I am so terrible, then why are you on here? I’m on here to let people know that, this is only a temporary solution. this is not a total solution. the problem is societal, not personal. and you are trying to defend the establishment in saying that I’m the odd one, but I’m not. People are experiencing this a lot, good and bad people alike. they can go into their own fantasy in their heads and pretend all is well as long as they be happy on the inside, but that’s not going to stop these people from existing and doing this to each other. to reach into the self for happiness is good, if you need to develop your own resource, and source of strength, but it’s only superficial. It doesn’t tackle the real problem out there. To stop this behavior around us, we have to get to the core. The core is, the societal trends that are causing this behavior.

  244.  #244Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 11:26 am

    @209: Deborah says:
    “…Just one last thing. I do have hypergraphia, and write a lot so bare with me…”

    OK… white space would help some of us without your good eyesight.



  245.  #245Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Deborah kindness can hurt, depending how we say it. If it hurts, then to me it is no longer kindness.

  246.  #246Daria on October 25, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Mmm I feel so much better in my mind now that my mom gave me a massage 🙂

    It’s like : what did this man show up to heal! Yeah!

  247.  #247Daria on October 25, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    Even if I do feel hopeless, I’m firmly rooted in ‘ positivity ‘

    Feel good vibe. I choose to be there and naturally readjust and expand more and more.

  248.  #248Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    @216: sammie sighs says:
    “…The only way to win is to live to be soft again to trust again not n a stupid dumb I trust all way but in a way they have to prove themselves…”

    I’m a proponent of “not in a stupid dumb I trust all way” as you say.

    I have gates.


  249.  #249Daria on October 25, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    I felt intrigued by this article…

    while reading i noticed femininewoman already posted part of it and i felt triggered and scared/uncomfortable to post it . thank you Daria for noticing.

    i felt intrigued especially by teh first part of the article about self pity …

    i don’t ‘like’ so much Margaret’s choice of words though they may be effective and powerful and with intent im sure they will be

    i like to use Rori’s tool to embrace myself it goes somewhat like this:

    “I hear you, and I embrace you. Thank you. I am here for you. I love you. And I’m going to go on with feeling better now, and doing what makes me feel good, so I can get bigger, and happier, and have more love and compassion to share with you, and with the world. And I won’t abandon you. I promise.”

    Here’s the article:

    “Self-Pity or Self-Compassion
    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    October 24, 2011

    Do you understand the difference between self-pity and self-compassion?
    There is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself.

    When you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:

    Why do bad things always happen to me?
    I’m a loser and I’ll always be a loser.
    It’s not fair.
    God is here for everyone but me.
    I’m just not one of the lucky ones.
    Everything is my fault. I’m not good enough.
    Self-pity might serve two purposes:

    It gets you of the hook from having to take responsibility for yourself. If you see yourself as a loser or unlucky or not good enough, then you don’t have to take loving action in your own behalf.
    The hope of self-pity may be to make someone else feely guilty enough to take responsibility for you. Self-pity is a form of control – to avoid making mistakes, and possibly failing, by getting someone else to feel sorry enough for you, or guilty enough, to take care of you.
    Is self-pity working for you? Even if you do get someone to do for you what you need to be doing for yourself, is it making you feel joyful and secure? The price you pay for not taking responsibility for yourself might be huge.

    When you are indulging in self-pity, you may be trying to get someone else to give you the compassion that you need to be giving to yourself. While compassion from others always feels great, if you are stuck in self-judgment and self-pity, it will have no lasting positive effect.

    For many years of my life, I was a victim, always trying to get someone else to give me the compassion that I had not received as a child. Most of the time, people resisted giving me what I wanted, as they didn’t want to feel controlled by me, and they couldn’t feel much compassion toward me when I was abandoning myself.

    It was a huge shift in my life when I realized that I could give myself the compassion that I kept trying to get from others.

    While the energy of self-pity has a very low frequency, and feeds on itself to take you lower and lower, the energy of self-compassion is powerful and uplifting.

    Self-pity comes from the false beliefs of the ego wounded self, while the energy of self-compassion comes through you from your spiritual connection.

    When you feel sorry for yourself, your heart is closed to the love and wisdom that is within you and all around you; when you choose to be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself, your heart opens to the love, wisdom and power of Spirit.

    Self-pity comes from the intent to avoid/control, while self-compassion comes from the intent to be loving to yourself.

    When you choose to be compassionate toward yourself, you might say to your inner child – the feeling part of you – things like:

    I know this is very hard, and I’m here for you. You are not alone.
    The challenges of life can be very painful. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I love you and we will be okay.
    This painful situation has nothing to do with you being bad or not good enough. Everyone has painful challenges in life. You are not being punished.
    It’s okay to cry whenever you need to. We will reach out for comfort when we need it.
    There is a vast difference between reaching out for comfort, and trying to manipulate someone into feeling sorry for you and taking care of you. When you are feeling sorry for yourself, you have abandoned yourself, while when you are compassionate toward yourself, you are taking responsibility for yourself. Sometimes, this involves asking others for help. We can’t always do it alone, but asking for help is very different than asking someone to do it for you.

    For me, the paradox is that, once I learned how to connect with my personal source of spiritual Guidance and give myself the compassion I needed, I started to also receive compassion from others. This compassion from others is mostly the icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself.”

  250.  #250Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    @227: Deborah says:
    “… when they KNOW your emotions are involved is immature…”

    Yes, you are right but it’s what I do next that helps. People have free will and sometimes my choice is not to accept what they do.

    “…They don’t seem to grasp that politeness is essential in dating…”

    It might not be essential. Some men date very well without politeness. Some women don’t require it. Some women don’t know what polite behaviour is.

    Some women prefer men that are not polite and consider them attractive, hence the saying “treat’em mean and keep’em keen.” If you’d like to know how that happens, read what some of the posters write here on the blog.

    Is it frustrating and disappointing when people don’t behave well? Yes, but I don’t plan to give over my happiness to them.


  251.  #251Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    @233: Femininewoman says:
    “…any guys who don’t measure up early on I let them go….”

    Wise words.


  252.  #252Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Amber Ojeda “Lady Like”


  253.  #253Sweetpea on October 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    FW, @231,

    This is awesome! It seems to be working in reverse for me right now. So much of what you’ve posted about attraction is resonating with me, as well. I think I mentioned before that I emailed MM back and forth for a few months (three I think) before we actually met. I had decided that he was just an email buddy, but against what lots of coaches say (and I understand why they say it, but I had no expectation of it being anything more, so just rolled with it), I decided to let him be an email buddy. He was always supportive and a positive influence on me, so what was the harm? I felt pleasantly surprised when he set a date, but upon meeting him, even though he’s completely my physical type, I didn’t feel that drawn to him. I still feel surprised by that, but for the first few dates, I was just kind of “meh” about him.

    But, I kept seeing him and stayed open. I never put any thought into the “why I’m not feeling heart-stopping chemistry,” I just went and enjoyed his company. And now I can say, even though it feels scary to me, that I’m starting to feel pretty starry-eyed about him.

    So for all of you Sirens, this is my story. If it encourages you to give the “meh” guy who’s stepping up a chance, it’s worked well for me so far. Even if he doesn’t end up being my Ever After, he’s taught me so much about me and helped me to step out of my shell so much, that I feel thankful – to God, to the Universe, to me, for allowing him to teach me and help me to heal.

    I have tears in my eyes typing this, and by the way, I feel really happy reading your (FW) and EW’s comments that my story brought tears to you. I feel blessed to have Sirens as touched by my story as I feel. I have to be honest here, when I posted that, I felt afraid that someone would say, “oh, he sounds like a player to me” and that it would just encourage the NVs in my head. I feel utter gratitude that hasn’t been the case. Thank you for your encouragement! I feel such love welling up in my heart.

  254.  #254Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Help! I don’t know what to do! My man has suddenly started acting – I am tempted to label/judge it as “needy” but that is likely not a helpful path… He has sent me a perfectly-constructed RR feminine feeling message complete with “I feel” “this feels” “don’t want” “thank you” “sorry”… All the RR elements! His msg before this was asking for reassurance of my love/care. 🙁 He has always been so masculine and take charge… I have always leaned back and stayed in feminine energy and don’t want to change th

  255.  #255Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    don’t want to change that dynamic. His strength and leadership were a huge part of my attraction for him. Any ideas very much appreciated!!

  256.  #256Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    How do I feel? I feel caring, concerned, loving, angry, disinterested, sad, pulling away, turned off, worried, annoyed… I love him and don’t want him to feel like I don’t care. I want to support him but am not sure how to do that within the fem/masc dynamic.

  257.  #257English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    #214 Deborah et al

    I feel your comments are very harsh and just awful generalisations but I do understand the reasons you have gotten to this place in your life due to terrible things like rape.

    Take care and do keep posting on here and hopefully you will find this a healing place, I do hope so. xxxx

  258.  #258Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Well actually I don’t really want to “support” him… I want to do whatever it is that a woman does in a situation like this where she truly loves and cares… whatever is best for us both and the relationship. I feel like pulling away, honestly. And I feel guilty abt that.

  259.  #259Sweetpea on October 25, 2011 at 1:14 pm


    I feel interested to know what your “cure” is for all these ills you see in the world. Much of what you say, I’ve seen reflected in my life, in the men I’ve dated, much of my life. However, since I’ve taken responsibility for and made the effort to heal the broken parts in me, I find that more and more, the people I attract into my life are honorable.

    I’m not saying that you’re a bad person. I’m not a bad person. I’ve always been a kind and caring person, sometimes falling in love too easily, sometimes making poor decisions, but always compassionate. I notice that the boundaries I had established in my life around other peoples’ behavior toward had slipped. I re-established those. I’m not saying that you (or I) have “done” anything to attract less than honorable people to us. I don’t feel that I did. You obviously don’t feel that you did. What I am saying is that I was hurting inside and in turn, I “hired” (attracted) people who would continue to hurt me.

    I feel hesitant to address you. Your posts feel overwhelming to me, but they also feel heartfelt, non-confrontational and hurting. I would encourage you to continue NOT blaming yourself, but maybe look for some inner parts that are hurting in you. If they hurt, they may not be broken, but they do need healing.

  260.  #260Sweetpea on October 25, 2011 at 1:16 pm


    Wow! I’ve never really had any experience with anything like this, but the first thing that popped into my head is, “outgirl” him. Don’t ask me how to do it, cuz I don’t know, but that was my thought. *shrug*

  261.  #261Sweetpea on October 25, 2011 at 1:17 pm


    Then there’s always the “go deep into how you feel, define it and share it with him.” THAT I do have some experience with and it worked fantastically!

  262.  #262Lucy on October 25, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Thanks, Sweetpea. I’ve never liked that term “outgirl” but I do get the concept and that is what i am trying to do. It doesn’t feel good at all. 🙁 Especially after it has been so easy for months to be the girl with him bc he has been so much the man.

  263.  #263Sweetpea on October 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm


    Sounds to me like he admires your communication skills and maybe he’s trying to emulate them? I’ve heard before that guys (people in general, actually) start picking this up when we use it consistently.

    Lol! Sorry. I just find it amusing that whenever we (and when I say “we” I mean “me” too) conquer one challenge, another seems to arise. I’m off to CD myself now. And I’m running really late. Let us know how it goes.

  264.  #264Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Lucy both men and women have feminine and masculine parts. What I have experienced is that it is unrealistic to expect that human beings, as complex as we are, will remain one way all the time. Communication I believe is what makes the difference in relationships. I would suggest negotiating for what you want and making commitments to support each other and keep revisiting the commitment to rework it if necessarily. Digging your heels into the ground into an intransient position and hiding your head like an ostrich maybe even “demanding” or making a harsh request that he stays in masculine energy all the time might just be unrealistic for that relationship. I believe all relationships are different. As long as you are not required to be the provider and protector all the time I see no problem going back and forth from masculine to feminine in the relationship bubble. Men are human beings too and they have feelings too and at times will want to express them. Maybe a real masculine man will eventually feel foolish if he keeps going there and will go to rebalane himself somehow. Maybe that is one of the reasons they use the man cave?

    I recently had a guy at work come sit next to me and tell me he was feeling like a doormat. I was floored because he has never expressed feelings like that to me before.

  265.  #265Miss Bells on October 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I am confused today. HS took me out clubbing on Friday and we had a great time. At one club he didn’t want to pay the cover for loud rock, but he wanted to ask the manager about getting a gig for his band, so he asked the bouncer if his girlfriend could wait for a minute while he went in and gave the guy his card.
    He hasn’t called me THAT since we broke up in August.
    He wants me to house sit in Jan/ Feb while he travels.
    He also said (knowing that my current living situation is untenable) that I could move back in–as a housemate, which is also the only terms I would accept without a real commitment. This would mean that I continue dating others.
    Then he disappeared all weekend. I was working anyhow. I know he has been on Match but is not subscribed and therefore can’t actually communicate with anyone.
    A little background: I am 55 and he is 62. He is an orphan, an only child, and has never been married. We have known each other for 25 years. We started dating when I was widowed about 4 and 1/2 years ago, and then I moved into his house when he said he was moving to Oregon. He came back after a month and I stayed. We began a basically good but rocky relationship. He could never get all the way to a real commitment. His issues with me are lack of income and messiness. He is OCD level neat. I was left destitute by my late husband and my lack of money really bothered him. He inherited a comfortable amount when his father died 12 years ago and he own the house free and clear. I love that house…
    Since I have left his house my business has really taken off, and all my stuff is neatly packed in storage. I have been losing weight, walking a lot, and meeting lots of new people. I even started a 50+ meet-up group for singles, first meeting tomorrow.
    I know that he loves me, just not enough. When I disappear he calls me. Last week he called twice at the wrong time to take me to lunch, and got me on the third day of trying. He almost took me to Reno for a long weekend but backed out. We did go out on a real date on Friday as I mentioned. I know he is not dating anyone else, though he maintains his freedom to do so in an implicit way. If he actually did date anyone else he would try to keep me from finding out which means he cares what I feel.
    I do REALLY need to move out of where I am. The landlord is a super enviro and won’t allow a working fridge because of greenhouse gasses. So I can’t cook here.
    I have been working for him for the last four years, and he pays me well, it is just very part time.
    I have the money to split the household bills at this point. But I don’t want to bounce around. I want to move only once. I have another place to move too, at a girlfriend’s house. the room is cheaper and the scene there is less conducive to my work as a writer.
    I want to just tell him if he wants me to hold down the fort as he travels it’s now or never. If I don’t move back now, he can pay me to housesit and it will not be balanced by my paying him for the household expenses because I will be living elsewhere.
    I should probably just move in with Cindy and continue CDing him.
    But his house is a much healthier place for me all and all. I am thinking of waiting till he chases me down, and asking him if is a good time to talk. Then I will tell him that I want to separate business from personal and just lay out what I need. Then ask him what he thinks…
    What do y’all think about that? It is likely best for the relationship to not move back in. But it is better for me as a person if I do. That is why I am confused.

  266.  #266Esteemed on October 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm


    RE: #250ff – I am reminded of a scene in the movie, “Blue Crush”. The wanna-be-pro-surfer/maid, who lives in Hawaii, falls in love with the pro football quarterback, who is rich and on vacation in Hawaii.

    She starts out real saucy to him upon meeting him just after her surf board is broken and she is injured. He asks for surf lessons, and she coldly refers him to the hotel staff who offer lessons to tourists.

    As their relationship develops, her needy side comes out, along with her poor self-esteem. At the climax of the movie, after she walks out of a party where she is his date, she walks into the water, fully clothed in the fancy dress he bought her, and he follows her into the water.

    She is crying, and she asks, “What am I doing? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be?”

    He responds, “Just be that girl I first met, who would never ask anyone these questions.” By the end of the movie, she regains her confidence and proves her ability.

    Lucy, everyone struggles with self-esteem. So maybe he is letting down his guard now that he feels safe with you. Here’s something K told me…

    “No matter who a man is, or how tough his exterior, know that underneath, EVERY man is crying out, “Mommy, mommy!”

    And K is as tough as they come, surviving 20+ years of prison by holding his own among literal criminals.

    In my book, it is just fine if a man has a weak moment now and then. I like a sensitive man. That means he won’t be callous to me. Also, we are all growing! Hope this helps!

  267.  #267Femininewoman on October 25, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Lucy please also remember that people tend to start uncovering their real self at about the 6 month mark. He could have been kind of going along with your emotional energy for the most part up till now. Maybe something happened recently that has caused him to be stuck in some way? I don’t know but I would not panic if I were you. I would allow him to be himself because in relationships our big stuff comes up. Maybe he is feeling safe with you now so he is showing his softer side because he trusts that you will not hurt/belittle/criticize his flaws? Or become unhinged if he is not always strong?

  268.  #268Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    @253: English Woman says:
    “…#214 Deborah et al
    I feel your comments are very harsh and just awful generalisations …”

    I’m curious. Are you thinking that the above quote is a “feeling message” and how Rori is teaching us to talk? I’m pondering this and am seeking to know your thoughts and perspective. Thanks, my sweet.


  269.  #269Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    @251: Lucy says:
    “…Any ideas very much appreciated!!..”

    The man loves you and is “mirroring you!!!? He’s still the masculine guy you met. Just now fixated on “Lucy crack”. That doesn’t sound right does, it?tee sorry,,, I meant as if you are “crack to him” as Mel says “man crack”.

    What to do? Nothing or I’d explore and not use the word “feel” for a week or so and see what happens.

    Oh, I’d like a man like this… 😀


  270.  #270Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Hello, I apologize for writing so much. I do have hypergraphia. I write a lot. In real life if you met me, you would feel completely comfortable around me, and not think that I write a lot. But I do this a lot. I like myself for it actually. When I read all the dating stuff, each person’s “take” and solutions, I do feel that these solutions work, but also I have been like how Rori teaches, for many years. And I think because I have Asperger’s Syndrome, there must be a lot of mixups in communication on both ends. So I do end up rejected a lot, despite how nice a guy can be to me. When I offer advice to others, I end up seeing them getting married down the road, and I end up seeing that they ended up a great couple. This is because I know that this advice works for neurotippies, just like if you trained a dog how a dog needs to be trained, it will get along with humans great! But Aspies are like aliens. We are normal on the inside, and for some reason no one really gets us. We often need early in life “behavioural therapy” so that we smile correctly, walk correctly, and out movements are correct amongst out peers. I would say, our facial expressions, and movements are not coordinated with our actual intensions and emotions, and we are unable to grasp emotional cues in words…so therefore there is no solution. We will never sync up. Therefore, no matter how well I’ve applied all the etiquette and how my love I’ve had in my heart, whatever my movements are, they don’t naturally manifest outwardly. For most people, they can visualize and feel, and be unaware that they actions are moving along with that mindset. so for me, finding out how to feel, realizing what other people feel, isn’t the part I have trouble with. I know very well men have feelings too. But they are jerks when they KNOW I have ASD, have vowed to be supportive, and then they forget and just treat me poorly because they are not equiped. The thing is, it takes hardly any equipping! It just take a certain few key things to get used to doing and then it all works! I can’t understand why people won’t work with me, I’m very easy to work with! But anyway, it is how it is. I have had hope since the day I was born, I have always let go of past pains…I wouldn’t have let go and tried again this year if I hadn’t! Each time I’ve started fresh, and being rejected and hurt, and I’m so tired of being rejected, and not having coaching there or friends to support me or help me know what to do, what small nuances I have to express etc…it is getting to a point where, I haven’t lost hope, I’m just really not able to carry this burden. It’s not something where I feel sad, it’s just a thing where, I have no answers. Some people are able to solve their own problems, and pass that on to others. I am always able to solve people problems, but mine is like a Rubics cube with a million cubes! It’s just too much to solve.

  271.  #271Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Does anyone here use “Curlformers?” They are unusual looking and different ones are used for the left and right sides of the head.

    These things are amazing! I’m exploring them and maybe I’ll ask Santa to bring me a set…if I can figure out which set I’d need…



  272.  #272mali on October 25, 2011 at 2:32 pm


    Oh, Deborah, darling. I’m reading your post, and feel oh-so sad and tearful. I’m sorry you feel this way and that you’ve been rejected! ((((HUUUUGGSSS)))) to you my dear.

  273.  #273Ella on October 25, 2011 at 2:39 pm


    I have been contacted by a guy on POF… and I don’t know… its just I feel suspicious…

    The pics on his profile look like the kind of pics I imagine a scammer might post.

    I feel mistrustful and suspicious and I don’t know if it is just my own NVs or whether there is cause for concern.

    Here is a link to his profile (I suppose that is ethical as his profile is public anyway).

    I would feel very appreciative if any Sirens fancy having a look and telling me what you think…


    Thank you.

  274.  #274marina on October 25, 2011 at 2:41 pm


  275.  #275Senior Lady Vibe on October 25, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    I don’t think Sweetie Babe would like me coming to bed looking like that with those curlers in my hair. Hmmm maybe I will though…


  276.  #276Butterfly wings on October 25, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    206 FW – yes! I wouldn’t call TH a player as such but the thought of kind of downgrading him feels better than ending things with him completely.

    He begged me to go see him last night and we had the best talk we’ve ever had. I still don’t hold much hope for a future with him but I now realise that he cares a whole lot more for me than I thought… It feels comforting in a way…

    He’s in such turmoil right now and just like he doesn’t want me hurting, I don’t want him hurting either.

    Wow…. I no longer feel this deep sense of loss although I still wish things could be different….

  277.  #277Daria on October 25, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Lucy – I wonder what the message was about?

    I would say what I (imagine I would) feel… “whoa baby I feel weird and kinda pressured…whatsup?”

  278.  #278Daria on October 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Ella – i dono, he doesn’t look Asian though…

    why not not answer him… or answer him and see how you feel reading the e-mails from him…

  279.  #279Ella on October 25, 2011 at 2:57 pm



    So far he just sent one saying I look sexy.

    Then the next one is do I have a webcam.

    I said I do and I have never succesfully used it before, and I don’t feel comfortable when I think about using it…

  280.  #280Ella on October 25, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Just practicing some stuff…

    ‘I felt sad when I didn’t hear from you last night!’

    ‘Actually real dates feel better to me.’

    Owww, I will love getting to say these!!

  281.  #281Daria on October 25, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Lucy – actually this is kinda close for me to a situation sometimes coming up for me

    so im thinking, i might even say

    “whoa i feel kinda overwhelmed”

    if it’s on the phone i might not even say anything and just let there be pause, and then he can step in there again

    i’ve had situations when the man “started sounding like me” and i was in my head thinking whoa is he copying me, i think he is, that doesn’t feel good

    i am learning to just go back deeper into my feminine space

    i would not want to just let it be and not express it and get in my head and disconnect

    what is the truth of how im feeling?

    “whoa im feeling freaked out… ”


    he says why?

    me: “hmm… i felt weird reading this”

    him ; weird, why?

    me: “i don’t know really, just felt kinda icky to read it… ”

    him: gets offended and leaves (ok that was an NV)

    i dono!!!

    but i am looking for a good way to express “i dono it just didn’t feel good to me”

    i don’t know what in particular in your situation didn’t feel good

    if i didn’t know in mine, id just say “i don’t know, it just felt icky”

    i do know men do have some level of puppydogness when they’re in love, and that’s cool when it’s about me, SOMETIEMS

    and even so i don’t want to feel icky

    so i would personally say something at some point

    im planning on saying something to Hawkman next time he brings up that he hasn’t slept with other women (not the same but triggers me in a way that to me ties in with a similar feeling)

  282.  #282Miss Bells on October 25, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    RE: 269 @Ella–This does look a little suspicious. The pix are WAY to buff and posed. But he could be for real and clueless as to how he comes off. Just follow your gut and be careful…

  283.  #283Daria on October 25, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Ella – “i feel sad when i didn’t hear from you last nite” does NOT feel good to me! actually it feels horrible

    of course you can use that if you want, i just feel really ‘NO!” about it

    especially the word “you”

    if a guy didn’t call me when he said he would, i would… see if i want to pick up…

    then if i did pick up i would say… imagining…


    him : “hello

    me: silence

    him: so, how are you feeling

    me: well, acutaly, im feelinga lil weird… uhh…

    this feels really uncomfortable to bring up and you know

    i feel weird when a man doesn’t call wehn he says

    i kinda feel turned off and disconnected…

    him: me ? you mean me?

    or… oh my bad im sorry baby

    me: yeah, thank you. it feels bad. and i don’t want to feel that way.

    him: you won’t have to babe

    thats what Im thinking. Hawkman doesn’t call when he says he will either, but for some reason it hasn’t really triggered me enough for me to bring it up.

    though i want to, cuz i noticed i was judging him in my head about it

  284.  #284Daria on October 25, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    oh oops Ella – i think in the uk ‘asian’ is different than in the US, so that’s not really an issue

  285.  #285Susan on October 25, 2011 at 3:12 pm


    I’d be suspicious too, but… nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you contact him, he will soon reveal his intent. They always do.

  286.  #286Deborah on October 25, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    I have nothing against Rori, wow I didn’t mean to give that impression! No, it’s just I guess I’ll spit it out, what’s bugging me. I was befriended by someone on facebook…well I’ve been befriended a lot to be frank, you probably realize that somehow! But What I’ve learned by looking in the mirror, and my boyfriend even said to me, the one I had for 7 years: I have a very pure heart.

    What I learned was, that doens’t matter. I have loved many “people” not just friends, not just parents…boyfriends neighbours….I mean PEOPLE. I could love my enemies, and in fact I HAVE! The people who used to pick on me in highschool! I loved them, I cared and often wondered how they all did, even though they hurt me continually throughout school, and my friends betrayed me and stopped being my friend to join with them!

    I am hurting because I was seeing a guy for 6 months, and he has Crohn’s. And he had my deepest empathy! And he said his previous girlfriend abused him! And he cried over the way she spoke. And I was so sorry about that! and then he was crying about his parents, how they abused him. He cried deep tears, pouring down the side of my arms, as I stroked his hair. This brought on more than just empathy. The fact that he seemed to care about me, and stuff, and how he seemed like such a beautiful person, that he came close to death! and he shared to me, his love for life, and I just thought, wow what a beautiful spiritual person! And I cared, a lot. I cared so much, it got to almost a motherly instinct, I wanted to protect him.

    And then he harrassed me while I was studying for my final exams to come see him, and I really couldn’t but he yelled at me, saying “school isn’t going to help you, you have to come here RIGHT NOW, and I’m going to help you with your ASD” and I really couldn’t say yes to that. I said I’d come when I finish writing my exams. But he yelled at me all night, and then I was so stressed, I couldn’t study.

    Then when I was finished exams, and I was glad to come visit, he started to act like he needed space. So I said ok, and I left him alone. And then he would have friends overnight???

    I called a couple times and had friends overnight, he always said were his friend Tanis and her husband.

    ok whatever…

    And then he blocked me off FACEBOOK, and I said why and he said he couldn’t keep up with all my writing. and I was like ok fine, I see your point.

    And then I dunno, one day he went to his sisters birthday party and came home really drunk, and called me saying he overdosed on his medication, and I got scared so I rushed down there. And he was acting so crazy, I called the paramedics…and they sent the police instead. They tested him in the hospital and he never took all those meds, be he told me he did! And he spilt a whole jar on the floor. Codeine.

    He told me his dog could have eaten them and blamed me.

    He got mad about the ambulance bill. I said…don’t be a drunken asshole then.

    So anyway, the point is…he was abusive. But I decided that since I know some models, I’m a graphic designer, I asked permission to use some photos from one, to make a fake temporary Facebook account, and she seeing the state I was in, agreed. So I did that, I had a very pretty blond photo, and I said hi and I acted very decent and sweet like a 20 year old, and he spoke very different. One of the first things he asked was, that since I had made up a story that I was from england, and visiting there, I was in Winnipeg with my boyfriend and we broke up, and I was in the really small aprtment. And he said “Oh you can come move in with me” and he MEANT it. and as I talked with him, he totally tried to get me to become his girlfriend. But then I decided to end it so I got all bitchy and he cut me off.

    But the point was… I watched his statuses, and he was TOTALLY picking up other women. TOTALLY…and I was one of them (as that blond).

    I then thanked my friend, and we were both sickened!

    Then I was still seeing him, and I realized, he wasn’t actually going to try to get that blond to move in…he was just flirting, like he was with anything and anyone, it was just online stuff. None of it would materialize, these were just, girls with hot photos. that’s all. just porn and photos, for a lonely guy with a bad illness.

    He also bad mouthed me to his friends, and family about the ambulance. The situation where I was trying to help because he was giving me a suicide threat.

    and then guess what? after knowing him for 6 months, and things seemed to be improving. on my BIRTHDAY he told me he met a woman and from this day forward am “spoken for”. and left me high and dry.

    This hurt me a lot. I cared very deeply, he brought me to this…and he wasn’t sorry. He was RUDE to me, he was completely terrible, and he cut me right off.

    So the moral of the story is, I’ve known much NICER people dying or terminal illnesses, one in England was a champian at the Chelsea garden competition, she had cancer, and died a month after I got back to Canada. when I was there, I knew she had bone marrow cancer, and she had a huge heating pad that covered her entire bed…she had meds…she had support…she had a wonderful life. She was in worse PAIN than this guy was that I met…and SHE served me tea and cookies and was as sweet as pie…I met her when she was in remission.

    The moral of the story is, there are guys out there who are jerks. They can be nice people, but they won’t, they are just pure jerks. And they WILL take advantage of you.

    And I have ASD, and he vowed to be supportive, and he was horrible to me. and not only me but he yelled at his DOG and his ROOMMATE tooo….he was a real piece of work. He hurt me because I have suffered a lot in my life, and all I cared about was making him happy and feel better.

    But anyway, I have seen the new woman’s profile, and it says they are in a relationship. and it’s been that way ever since my birthday. What hurts a lot is, my mom never had too many birthday parties for me, and I just felt so unspecial from this. when he did this, it completely finished me off. I never have been this hurt. I’ve been hurt many times, but this is the most painful bacause my care was very true. My love was pure. But…I was just throwaway and he forgot me by now. a whole ,month later…I’m sure.

    and I just don’t feel I can stomach going out with a guy anymore after this. It was the worst blow.

  287.  #287Ella on October 25, 2011 at 3:18 pm


    Is it just the word ‘you’ that makes you think No about my FM?

  288.  #288Ella on October 25, 2011 at 3:20 pm


    Not sure I will use it either… just experimenting.

    It would feel most authentic to me in this situation…

    cus I don’t feel weird. I feel sad that he hasn’t called.

    But not in a majorly sad way, just kinda noticing…

  289.  #289sammie sighs on October 25, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    #244 thank you senior lady I felt like I opened myself up to try and help someone thru what I had partly experienced nw I feel triggered and stupid for sharing and tears guess iyt will pass again

  290.  #290sammie sighs on October 25, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    #244 thank you senior lady I felt like I opened myself up to try and help someone thru what I had partly experienced nw I feel triggered and stupid for sharing and tears guess it will pass again

  291.  #291sammie sighs on October 25, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    #244 thank you senior lady I felt like I opened myself up to try and help someone thru what I had experienced now I feel triggered and stupid for sharing and tears guess it will pass again

  292.  #292Ella on October 25, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Thanks Miss Bells, Susan & Daria,

    I will see what happens.


  293.  #293Miss Bells on October 25, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    My fingers are itching to call HS and see about moving back as per my post 261. I know I shouldn’t but I want to…

  294.  #294Camille on October 25, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Miss Bells,
    Your post made me feel concerned and I want to say that living with someone that you have feelings for as a “business relationship” is very complicated. I dont want to see you complicate your life when it seems its going forward so smoothly for you. I had a friend that was in a similiar situation and when the relationship didnt move forward past “roomates” it got very complicated when she was trying to pursue a relationship with another man.

    She later confided that the “true” reason she moved in, in the first place, was hoping it would bring them closer and develope into something else?

    I dont know if thats how you feel or if this helps, but It reminded me of her when I read your post.

  295.  #295Daria on October 25, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    wow guess who just popped up! from the voice i thought it was the man i talked to last nite (who i felt all ‘troubled’ after)

    and instead it was SexyCD… oldschool sexycd wow. he is really consistent about trying to get me huh


    i feel surprised and it felt nice to hear from him

    i did not really feel triggered

    i did notice i felt a lil more anxious when my phone was going to go dead

    well he knows how to reach me now


  296.  #296Lyka on October 25, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Ella – #270:

    Yeah, looks suspicious. The pics look too neat. Be careful.

  297.  #297marina on October 25, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Hello dear Sirens,

    How are you all doing?
    I am so waaaaaaaay behind on everything that is going on in your lives…sorry….I will just join you all here on Siren Island.

    I like the post Rori!
    I made a rule with myself to never let colleagues or (ex)BF’s on my FaceBook (ok, only AmericanFling IS on my FB and I try not to stalk him..;)

    My head is fine! 😀
    I feel very relieved and grateful!
    Nothing wrong with my brains. They look all good on the MRIscan. Weird and beautiful to see your own brains.
    All I could think was, well now that I have clear proof I do have brains and there is nothing wrong with them, I’d better start using them…LOL

    I do have to get the muscles in my neck/on my head healed though.

    Today I signed up for a dating site!
    It feels weird to put myself out there. Like walking into a sauna naked. But I know in a sauna the first few minutes always feel weird to me. And after that I enjoy it 🙂

    Also I noticed that writing down my profile, who I am and what I am looking for does help me to look forward and see that I have my life ahead of me.
    And I want to be busy and enjoying my life and meeting new people.
    Wow! Did not expect that!

    I did get some ‘Likes’ and messages, feels good, ego-boosting 🙂
    I haven’t searched any profiles myself yet, leaning back…

    I haven’t had a date with any of the people up there yet.

    I did have a ‘date’ with a guyfriend of mine yesterday. Let’s call him Bdate. I think it was good to ‘practice’ first with someone who is not a total stranger to me.

    (I have also been thinking about asking for blind dates with single friends of my friends, but I am afraid that it will put too much pressure on it.)

    It was a bit weird though.
    He is another friend of mine who is currently divorcing his wife (after they’d been together for +10 years and after they just got married).
    The reason they got divorced is that he can’t stop flirting with other women. It is like a real ego-boost for him. He lacks self-esteem and thinks he is boring. I usually know him as a quiet, thoughtful shy guy. But I remember meeting him once when he was flirting a lot with me and I remember thinking, Oh, where did THAT come from?? Apparently he flirts a lot with women to feel more confident. His wife told him she could not take it anymore and that he had to change (very good of her to take care of herself like that :).

    Anyway, he doesn’t know I know of that reason. Which is OK. That is his business. I guess all I have to do is check up on myself how I feel and communicate how I feel.

    When we met, and kissed on the cheeks to say ‘Hello’ he kinda grabbed me in a clumsy way. Then we started walking to the city centre. When he talked his voice was going up and down, he talked fast and I sensed that he was very nervous and I sensed that he was arroused/attracted. For a couple of moments I enjoyed that and started to feel excited as well. I thought, ‘Hmm, do I want to sleep with him? I suppose I could take him to my home right now and we could sleep together. Hmm, but what then? No. I am not attracted to him. Actually it is kinda difficult to look at him bc he comes so close.I just recognize the nervousness and his feelings and start drifting on them/responding to them. Also I want us to have a coffeedate. I want to practice dating. So let’s see if I can calm him down. Or at least calm myself down.’

    I didn’t say anything about my feelings. We just chitchatted and walked around the city and went for some hot chocolate and apple pie. So I just let my feelings come. I noticed I felt tense and nervous myself.

    He is someone who asks a lot of questions about who you are and what you do and that just felt awkward. I usually don’t like being in the centre of attention and don’t like feeling interrogated. Usually I am with someone who likes to talk a lot (about) themselves or I am the one asking questions…

    I was kinda freaking out a little bit and he would come really close and look me in the eyes all the time. And I was noticing all that he did. Him licking his lips. Him moving in his chair and lifting his hips a bit like a small ‘f8ck’movement (he is the second guy I noticed doing that, LOL). And I was thinking, Oh no, I don’t want to notice this. Why I am seeing this? I so do not feel attracted to this guy!

    So I thought: ‘OK, I want control back. Let’s throw in some Feeling Messages’
    ( I suppose we are not supposed to work with it like that, but I couldn’t really think of a way of telling him how nervous and actually angry and out of control I felt.)

    I said ‘Oh, it feels so good to feel the warmth of the sun!’ Purrrrrrr ( I didn’t make the sound but I pretended to be a cat). I saw him smile and then he made a joke and I started laughing and laughed some more.

    And the conversation got far less heavy.
    I don’t know if I did the right thing.
    I think it was OK I noticed how I felt.

    Also, it felt really nice and easy and comfy to walk through the town together and be like on a date and him buying something for his sister in a book store while I was reading in a Paulo Coelho book and I was thinking, ‘Don’t we look like a great couple…?’

    But I think I moved myself into the friend zone. Or perhaps he was just testing how I would handle his sensitive side?
    He told me he used tricks to talk to women. Asking them if they have a light (he doesn’t smoke) or if they want chewing gum as a conversation starter. Also he told me he was afraid he might be boring.

    Argh, I recognize so much of how I feel and how I behave in him. The parts I do not like about myself… He seemed to be my mirror.

    Oh but this anger!!!
    I feel such rage and anger towards men nowadays!
    And I don’t know where it comes from! I don’t want to feel it!

    I can’t feel that anger towards exBF4, although some might say I should feel angry towards him.

    And the moment I started laughing with Bdate and felt I had control, it was gone as well. I just wonder where it went?

    I do recognize it from when I was younger. I felt so much anger and hatred towards men after my parents got divorced! I felt terribly disappointed by my Dad, I felt he let us down, even though my Mum took us and left him in the end.
    I hated my oldest younger brother a lot too! We were always fighting and I would tell him I wanted him dead.
    When I turned 14 or so I lost that anger.

    I remember seeing a documentary about a teenage girl in the Philipines who was raped and had turned lesbian and had so much anger towards men. And I rememmber recognizing that anger,even though I have only had one bad sexual experience with exBF1. And that was after watching that docu.

    So I wonder why does this anger come up again?

    Also, I finally accepted that I feel (sexually) attracted to both men and women.
    The attraction does feel different though.
    And I don’t have any experience with women.

    I don’t know if I should do something with it. So I haven’t told anyone I know about it yet.
    I want to find out myself first.

    I did write on my dating profile that I have only had long relationships with men and do feel attracted to women too and don’t really know who I am looking for.

    Just the kind of people I like and the kind of person I am.


  298.  #298Miss Bells on October 25, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    There is definitely a similarity. In this case it already had developed into a romantic relationship which foundered when I couldn’t get out of the hole fast enough financially in this recession. He does NOT want a dependent which is his prerogative. And I wasn’t just sitting around doing nothing, I was struggling.
    I edited a book for him at $50 an hour, and he got mad when I made him pay, and madder when I took the money and went across country for a couple of months doing research on a book I have in the hopper. He just didn’t have any faith in me.
    BUT-he has completely withdrawn before. Only this time he started chasing woman right in front of me, so I left and that misadventure blew up. I didn’t call or write for several weeks, then he started calling me, taking me out, wanting me to come back to my job at his company.
    It would be so much easier if I loved my new house, but I really don’t, though I am fond of my new male housemate.
    Now HS is calling me honey, putting his arm around me when we walk, kissing me goodnight, and there was the “girlfriend” slip of speech. On Friday I said “I know you love me” he said yeah, I’m just a social retard. Then he disappears for a few days at a time. The less I respond the more insistent he gets. It feels more like the beginning of something, where no one is sure. But that doesn’t mean it will turn real if I move back in, or if I don’t.
    That is why I am having such a hard time deciding.
    What he wants is to be able to be gone for long stretches and have someone hold down the fort. I am the only one he trusts enough, but I want to be the come with woman, not the stay behind woman.
    And I am dating other people, more than he ever has. I hate it when people say it’s complicated about a relationship because that is usually bull, but this really is a bit complicated.
    How would you sirens play this one?

  299.  #299Daria on October 25, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    ok so the second guy i went out with (not the clothes designer i felt insecure around)

    called me to schedule another date… he’s taking me to sushi on thursday… and then he wants to do something after.. he looked around and found a Go Cart racing track nearby me… wow!

    that sounds so fun

    and he was telling me about his video stuff he does he just interviewed an artist

    and i said wow maybe you can help ME! and i felt excited

    and he definitely likes it too!


    he seems so cool!

    and down to earth!

    and i did feel scared cuz he said like yeah im a normal guy,

    and it made me think omg what if he’s a serial killer

    but i don’t really feel scared


    and i have so many people calling and texting me that i feel overwhelmed right now. usually i can keep track, but rigth now im not totally and

    im not really returning calls unless they leave a message to do so right now

  300.  #300Daria on October 25, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    meanwhile i had a date right now at 5 and the guy did not call to confirm … i feel surprised cuz he seemed so into me and the date AND proposed on his own he’d call ahead of time… and it was set just a few hours ago…

  301.  #301Daria on October 25, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    ok he did call but 15 min late. (from the confirmation time, not the date)

    i felt kinda pist!

    it was all in my body and in my thoughts and it was leading me to sabotage and argue!

    and then it slowly eased

    i just kept saying about how i felt mad

    well he was just cleaning his car cuz he didnt want me to get in a messy car

    lol 🙂

    anyway now we pushed it back a bit so im gonna hop in the shower and meet him

  302.  #302Miss Bells on October 25, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    RE 298: Have Fun!!!

  303.  #303marina on October 25, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    I like the article by Margaret Paul.
    Thnx for posting FW & Daria.

    I am somewhere in between self-pity and self-compassion…

    I feel self-pity about my love life and especially the ‘date’ with Bdate. I felt exhausted when I came home. Perhaps from not expressing my feelings.

    But hey,I am babystepping. I did notice my feelings.

    Also I thought it might feel much better and be more fun to share my feelings and be intimate with someone in that way and let them get to know me.

    And I finally feel self-compassion in my jobsearch.
    One of my LinkedIn connections asked me about my ‘Looking for new opportunities’ status. I told him I am looking more into organising events and communications and getting out of the environmental consultancy business (at least for now).

    He is a coach and asked me if I’d like to help him with the organisation and publicity on one of his time management seminars.
    So I do (and it feels great and easy! and he responds with such enthousiasm) and I just asked him if he wants to help and coach me in my jobsearch.
    And he said he would love too 🙂 🙂 🙂

  304.  #304Starla on October 25, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    I will catch up on the comments in a minute, but I just wanted to tell you all about the CD I just had with Alaska. It was really cute and step-uppy. He came to my office at the end of the day and escorted me home on the train as a last ditch effort to see me (I’ve been dodging him a bit, just cuz I’m so busy and full of myself hehe). It felt really nice. I love that this is the quality of attention and men I get in my life now. I also love that it is my own shift that makes these guys masculine, and also how I handle it when they falter or stop rowing…that keeps them masculine and wonderful


    I feel guilty about seeing guys outside of Crack Fix. I feel scared, like what if one of these other guys ends up winning me before he does? Or worse, what if I’m just putting these other guys off as I wait for Crack Fix to step up and propose in a few months (I have a feeling that is how it’s going to go, if I can keep things as sireny and healthy as they are now on my end)?

    Feeling so torn.

    And so guilty

    And sooooooooooooooo turned on by these guys. All of them.

  305.  #305Starla on October 25, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Lucy, this has come up for me sooo much! I think I finally figured it out. I say:

    Aww it feels good that you want to share with me how you’re feeling, thank you:) And I don’t want you to feel bad in our relationship, so (lucy, this is how you put the ball back in his masculine court) ***what do you think we should do?***

    We have a choice how we respond to our guys’ neediness. We can be annoyed, feel pressured to fix it, etc…but this is all PERCEPTION AND CHOICE. For me, I discovered it’s really as simple as acknowledging how sweet they are for sharing, and the only reassurance i give is that of course I want them to be happy…and then i ask them what they think we should do to fix it. And then the energy balance is instantly restored.

    Hope this helps! It has helped me sooo much weeee i feel excited just thinking about it:):)

  306.  #306LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    I can’t wait for a new post on Thursday. I hate FB.

    Too many people. The contact on there, not just w me, but between other of my friends I witness on there, feels so shallow and superficial…Even the warm and fuzzy feeling messages they leave each other.
    I mean people who already know each other off of FB…Why don’t ya just call each other up and talk all warm and fuzzy verbally. It’s like people hide behind FB.
    Someone close to me was trying desperately contacting me on FB and email…G girl, you know my phone number by heart! Pick up the fr’ggn phone and dial!!! So I call her and she says “why don’t ya answer your FB messages? I left you 3 messages asking you…” Isn’t it much more efficient “live” when you can answer in a split second w a tone of voice? than writing it all out?

    I hate that my psycho controlling obsessed excd is on there sending me a friend request 3 times!…after I’ve been totally ignoring him for 2 and a half years!Give up already!

    I hated being superspy to crack my ex bf’s pw and finding out in there that he was having an affair w his coworker just 6 months after he bought a house w me.

    I hated spying on my bf on FB when I got suspicious and didn’t trust my own feelings about the relationship.

    I hated seeing a girl I liked being a public victim on FB when her bf left her for another woman…after she publicly criticized him over and over at parties to anyone who would listen, like she didn’t even love him or respect him anyway.

    I hated reading women on there who will write down every little thing they do every minute of the day, like putting down a pen at 5pm and picking up a pencil at 5:01pm.

    I hated when D’s jealous lady neighbour used FB to trigger me after we had a genuine heart to heart feeling talk where I dared be all vulnerable by being so open and honest w her…like she was so jealous she just wanted to tear me down…after I had reached out to burry the hachet.

    Allthough I loved when my goddaughter sent me a “I love you”. I loved when my ex sent me an apology letter saying how much he regretted being an a** losing me. I loved when my aunt caught me on there and wrote “good you’re home, call me!”. I loved when a long lost close friend found me on there and asked for my news.

    I still hate FB bc it has been sooooo triggering for me…too much for me to handle. So staying away atm.

    Sooo there’s the FB rant that I’ve been holding back since this post came out…CAN’T WAIT FOR A NEW POST!!!

  307.  #307Starla on October 25, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    OH SNAP. Just acquired a new CD.

    It’s pouring men. holy crappp

  308.  #308Starla on October 25, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    This new CD is the guitarist in my favorite local band and is always suggesting we get together, but now we actually are gonna do it. Cool! I shall call him..hmmm…need a code name…. I shall call him Persia because he’s always spinning Persian music for me whenever I see him at a club and he’s DJ’ing (he’s also a DJ)

  309.  #309LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    I unfriended my ex after kicking him out of our house very abruptly. I felt very humiliated that he had flaunted his affair in front of people we went at parties with. I found out why these people were all acting like “we feel so sorry for you” type of looks and behaviours at parties, coz they all knew.
    2 of the women were actually trying to tell me at a party, but the guys kept watching us and kept following us and cutting in our conversations to make sure these girls wouldn’t get the chance to tell me.
    These people were so torn and felt so sorry for me that they stopped hanging around my ex (they were his friends, not anymore).
    I felt so humiliated !!! When I found out on his FB account what was going on and why these people were acting so strange around me…I kicked him out of the house in a rage.
    A few weeks later, I unfriended him on FB. He called and said that he was very hurt and found it aggressive of me to unfriend him…What the h*ll is this obsession with FB!!?!! I mean come on!?! Wtf should he even care?

  310.  #310Starla on October 25, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Wow, I feel like I’m under attack by NV’s and anxiety now, trying to find all the potential negative outcomes associated with all the positive stuff I’m experiencing in life.

    How does that happen? There is this voice inside of me that says if i feel good and optimistic about things, then i’m making a fool out of myself thinking i could ever be worthy of those things.

  311.  #311VW on October 25, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    Sigh…feeling very sad…:(

    I realized I am rarely…close to never invited by any of my women friends or acquintances…to any parties or venues…:(

    Most of through men…:(

    It feels bad…and i sure feel sooo lonely…:(

    I want to heal this…once and for all…i don’t know how just yet …unless maybe creating my own business …:(


  312.  #312LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    That’s all water under the bridge now.

    When we sold the house, he had told me how he felt very bad and ashamed, that he wished he could turn back time and done things very diffently. He said it will haunt him for a long time.
    Well it did bc I heard from mutual acquaintances that he was still running away from his comittment. I ran into him at the video store later on, I said to him “stop all the nonsense and please be happy”.

    I am still friends w his stepmom on FB and saw her posts of pix of him and his new baby and gf.
    I sent him a message to congratulate him and said I know they will make great parents.
    He was very appreciative of my message. It was like he can live in peace now that I have shown my forgiveness and blessing.
    I really meant it my comments about his family pix. We couldn’t connect very well and he did w her. He was in love w me, but she showed up in his life out of the blue at work and they connected.
    I had gotten to know her as friends before I ever knew they were having an affair. I knew she was right for him when I started suspecting something was going on. I mean she is very easy to connect with and accepted him entirely the way he was, while I didn’t…so it’s no surprise what happened.
    I just did not appreciate the way it happened, that he lied to her about our relationship, lied to me about our relationship, that he put a lot of people in a difficult position.

    I’m fine w it now, I knew I was healed from that relationship when I saw his pix w his new little family…and I genuinely felt happy to see them.

    I was just his fantasy…to finally get the type of girl that rejected him in high school from the other side of the tracks, and show off to everyone that he was a success. Just his old wounds that were triggered in a bad way every time I showed how I didn’t accept him the way he was.

    The new woman totally gets him and doesn’t play into his games and doesn’t trigger him like I did.
    And that’s all fine. He had some very deep old wounds that I triggered for him to act like that w me. I’m happy he found the one for him.
    Can’t wait til I find the one for me, he really wasn’t the one for me.

  313.  #313VW on October 25, 2011 at 6:48 pm


    Sharing your story with your ex…it feels like closure with parts of your past is finally settling in…it is good that u express it…

    warm hugs,

  314.  #314VW on October 25, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    I came across this from Rori…in regards to reading someone’s post earlier…mentioning “guilt”…

    “My anger makes me feel guilty, and then the
    guilt makes me feel even angrier.”

    Food for thought…

  315.  #315Miss Bells on October 25, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    OK–I am not calling him. It is clear that if I do nothing he will call me and then I can express my wants around housing and say “what do you think we should do?”
    He is the one who brought up my moving back first.

  316.  #316LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm


    Please keep me posted on this situation for you. I am right there w you. I feel exactly like you said.

    I think I’m putting out depressing vibes. 2 women friends reached out to me, but I feel so lazy about reaching back to them.

    A couple of friends of D and me hosted a costumed Halloween party last year and didn’t invite us. I felt so awful seeing the party pix on FB. I love these parties and I have a lot of fun at them.
    I found out they have been having relationship issues where she is insecure about him chasing other women and afraid of him leaving her once he finds someone else. He’s a little too into me and she sees it. I really do not encourage him.
    I have said out loud to both of them that I love D. And I don’t flirt, I’m cold w men. I really don’t dress provocatively, and I’m not exactly a bombshell.
    But I really love this lady. Maybe I’ll ask her out for coffey just her and me.

    My phone only rang once since I got home from work and it was telemarketing trying to sell me something.

    I’m all pms so I feel sorry for myself, should last only 2 to 3 days these hormones.

    But I want my life back. ;(

  317.  #317LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 7:09 pm


    I believe this “no closure needed” thing Rori says.
    But at that time, I just “felt” the closure bc I had learned and healed all I needed to move on.
    I didn’t feel the need to “go and get” the closure w him, I got it within myself…and it’s like that feeling attracted the opportunity to express it to him and give him the forgiveness he needed to put his conscience at ease so he could move on.

  318.  #318Emerson on October 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    I feel furious! I just realized that yahoo email displays your full name now when you send out emails…I ALWAYS had it set to just show my email address as my “name” that shows as the sender. Well I guess their new and improved email shows your name by default. I’ve been emailing so many people that I met online, and great, now I guess they know my full name! And I feel angry!!!! I would have never ever wanted that! Some of them turned out to be weirdos!! GRRRRR I feel scared and mad!

  319.  #319Emerson on October 25, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    I am so behind on reading the blog, and I feel overwhelmed at the thought of trying to read and catch up. I would like to comment back to some people…but don’t seen to have the energy atm.

    I am very concerned about my financial situation right now. I am running out of $$ and even though I’m working extra…., it’s kind of looking hopeless unless something changes….drastically….I’m not sure how I could manage to work any more than I do. I also need a new car…badly.

  320.  #320Emerson on October 25, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    307 Starla says
    “There is this voice inside of me that says if i feel good and optimistic about things, then i’m making a fool out of myself thinking i could ever be worthy of those things.”

    Starla, I have felt that way many times, but never put into words like that. I would like to heal this….It is not a good thought.

  321.  #321VW on October 25, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Lili41 #313:

    Thank u 🙂 I feel warm reading that you relate to my “alone” and “uninvited” situation…

    I realize this loneliness is what enticed me to accept relationships in the past…:(

    I am not bad looking…and yes, in this part of the country, i do look exotic…so, I am noticeable…


    trying to figure it all out…:( and stretching out my comfort level by going out alone…without inviting no gf or guy friend with me…

    maybe this is the test…

    i feel more open to it…yet, still i feel fear and self-judgment…

    Thursday nite i intend to go have drinks alone again…and then, go to a salsa spot alone…i hope i don’t back out…

    warm hugs,

  322.  #322LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 7:33 pm


    D lived the exact same ending w his ex. She cheated on him w his best friend and left him. Problem is he has a son w her, and she now lives w his former best friend.
    They are really happy together, and D is not forgiving. He puts a smile on and is very friendly to both of them, but we all can feel the “f*ck u” vibe and attitude.
    He’s been around while I was going through this forgiveness and healing process about my ex. I shared the whole thing w him, and he’s not getting it for himself.

    Just like I used to beat myself up for not accepting my ex the way he was and being that horrible person, D is beating himself up for having been neglectful of his family by burrying himself in work and being that horrible person.
    He’s being resentful of their happiness just like I used to be towards my ex. He lays blame on her like I used to lay blame on my ex.
    It’s not about holding on to feelings for our exes, it’s about forgiving ourselves for having been “a bad and ugly” person that no one wants to be or admit to being.
    Forgiving ourselves is all about accepting and loving ourselves unconditionally. That’s when we can feel we deserve to be loved and let others in our heart. That’s healing.

    If we keep beating ourselves up, we keep feeding the monster and keep doing the same behaviours…and keep attracting people that will beat us up (like Rori says in her Reconnect your Relationship).

    Writing this I see it: How I’m beating myself up, and D keeps beating me up…How D keeps beating himself up and I keep beating him up.

    Woooowww. Aha moment here.

  323.  #323LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Beating myself up for being the same way w D that I was w my ex. I am not accepting him the way he is. He feels guilty for his behaviour, beats himself up when we talk about it, then keeps repeating the same behaviour.
    You can’t heal a behaviour if you don’t forgive yourself and love yourself for it.

    But I can’t preach that to him. I just have to stop beating myself up and stop beating him up. That’s what FMs are all about.

    I’m sure by sharing and seeing all this, I will get softer and will improve by communication through FMs. I’m feeling softer every time I see something new about my patterns and heal.

  324.  #324LILI 41 on October 25, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    I miss my huge family….7 hour drive away.
    I invite them over, but only my brother and mom come.
    I always have so many people to see and be with when I go back to my hometown.

    Thinking of moving back there, but jobs are scarce over there. I make a decent living here, but so lonely.

    I feel like successful workwise, but like a failure socialwise. Over there, I would feel successful socialwise but failure workwise.

    Taking a day off when my work projects cools down beginning of next month. Will be booking a day at the spa for myself. Will feel good after working so much adrenaline rushed overtime.

    Decided to go to my hometown for the holidays.
    D wasn’t thrilled to hear that, but he sure doesn’t worry about me when he books all his vacations without including me.
    Feels good to me to go home to my family ALONE, so that’s what will be…what feels good to ME.
    My work place will be closed for a whole 10 days straight with pay!
    So I don’t even have to worry about time off. YEY! 😀

    Wow, just found something to be happy about during pms 😀

  325.  #325Emerson on October 25, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Alias Girl lol, Ariadne, SLV how is it going with the eyelashes??

    I can’t talk about anything serious right now, I feel overwhelmed and teary and tight throat. Sooo…. let’s focus on lashes. 😀

    I like Britney Spears eyelashes in her video “3”

  326.  #326Emerson on October 25, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Where is everybody

  327.  #327Emerson on October 25, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    My ring finger has been itching…what does that mean…maybe that I will get married soon lol 🙂

  328.  #328Starla on October 25, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    317 Emerson
    Looking in the mirror seemed to help tonight. I kept admiring my reflection even through the little voices that alternated between “you have nothing to admire” and “vanity is considered a sin by many for a reason”


    I feel inspired more and more to choose to go down a path toward healing and happiness and self acceptance in everything i do. i notice more and more when my NVs are at play and i ask myself if there’s any ‘tool’ i already know or can make up on the spot to work with it.

    feeling so blessed and lucky

  329.  #329Emerson on October 25, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Aww Starla that feels good to read..

  330.  #330Starla on October 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    I wonder if Rori knows how helpful she and her work have been for me and can see how much has changed with her tools since the Dorothea days?

  331.  #331English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    #221 Daria

    Thank you, I think it is EFT you are doing? I did a one day course a few years ago and was into it for a while but like most things I lost interest……I do get bored very easily and am always moving from one project to the next. 🙂

  332.  #332English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    #213 Susan

    Thanks for all these great links, I am bookmarking them all. 🙂

  333.  #333English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    #222 SLV

    Well maybe not a river, more like a muddy stream LOL!! Not much decent fishing at the moment, too many sprats and old mackerels. 😀

    Looking for a nice juicy trout or salmon. 🙂

  334.  #334Daria on October 25, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    Today on my date… Which felt like healing growing practice… Yay …

    I got an aha about using the word heal instead of help.

    Like to eliminate kinda the concept of help.

    Cuz it feels Bella less resistant and gently washing to me to think about this is healing… Rather than this is helping me.

    Helping me to what? Helping has a goal.

    Healing is a process that happens.

    It’s a transformation and somehow it’s ‘good’ vuz it’s healing.

    It naturally feels good.

    To always be healing.

    Why not? Even when heal’ed of something,

    If more healing more health is available and possible hey I’m for that. I wanna go That way.

    It’s transformation, like snake shedding skin… The natural state of being.


  335.  #335English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    #238 FW

    Thank you for another great bookmark. 🙂

  336.  #336Daria on October 25, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    English Woman – I started getting better quality dates when I was IN the process of dating. Pretty much everyone starts off w what some ppl used to call ‘toads.’

  337.  #337Daria on October 25, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    EW – Lets get you out in front of some men! I think you are way more ready than you think. And once it’s a regular thing, men will come out of the woodwork.

  338.  #338Daria on October 25, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    EW – oh, T-Tapp sounds like Eft in the name…

    It’s actually an low intensive exercise that women can to at home. It’s a workout. You can use it to spot reduce/improve areas of the body too. I love it cuz it’s rehabilitative and woman centered and just amazing. It’s kinda like a yoga that’s not yoga … It feels similar to me doing it. but it’s targeting body shape and body rehabilitation health.

    It only takes 15 min a day once or twice a week. That’s very different from most workouts. And it’s not intense or hard … It’s like designed for the body to gently and Really Powerfully strengthen.

    It’s so awesome.


    The forums are great support and health/nutrition info, and try before you buy is the section with free stuff.

    It’s especially friendly for older women.

  339.  #339English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    #265 SLV

    I dunno just doing the best I can. 🙂 I have TRIED to stop using the think word so much and replaced it with I feel, though don’t always do well. 🙁 Baby steps……..

    I did feel awful reading the sweeping generalisations though, yes some men are pigs, just as some women are, but you can’t say the whole world outside of church is rotten. Well that doesn’t help people who don’t go to church does it?

    And I have found some of the most hypocritical people are church goers who pretend to be holier than thou and don’t have an ounce of charity in their hearts and some of the most decent “christian” giving, caring people don’t go to church at all.

  340.  #340Daria on October 25, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    With date tonite I noticed a difference between keeping my pelvis open and my heart open.

    I mean I want both. Cuz pelvis open feels safe. And worthy. And on earth… Regal real dignity.

    Like earthy dignity. Not even royal. Like I am. I am stepping on the ground. I deserve to be here. I am root. I exist. I feel firm and powerful and not easily affected or thrown off.

    It’s a feeling I’ve been wanting to have at will for z long time. Maybe forever since I was born.

    I feel like I deserve to be here stepping on this ground. Like a native woman who knows her worth. Her deep worth. Unshakeable in any human being.

    I think what got me noticing this pelvis thing recently – rori has been talking about it and I’m getting it in a way that’s even more now – is the tapping I did following the Margaret Lynch video on EFT for personal power (free somewhere on YouTube she just put it out)

    And I Got this power in the scenarios I was imagining and them remembered how it felt.

    Amd Alanna Pratt talks a lot about ‘rooted’ and letting mother east energy fill you in your pelvis.

    It’s like a dance move for me, like a turnout I now know how to do with instant magical results. For me, and for men. And family. And everyone.

    Starting w me. I feel sure of myself. I feel important.

    My heart on the other hand, it still kinda felt bad sometimes. And then I said like my heart feels achy.

    Well I noticed it first.

    Oh it feels so cool to notice my body and then it’s as interesting as a magic book. And everything else that could be interesting too.

  341.  #341English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    #270 Ella

    Wow those pics are hot, like a male model, if he sounds toooo lovey dovey and into you and wants to marry you and be the daddy of your babies, then he is most probably is a scammer, then again maybe you just got lucky. 😉

    It’s just a message on a dating site, just sound him out and hey if he wants to meet for a coffee you will soon know if that six pack and those biceps are really his. 😀 (listen to me lol who’d a thought I could take it all so lightly:))

  342.  #342Daria on October 25, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    It’s like instead of magic book it’s here: A magical creature ..

    Except it’s not a dragon, it’s a goddess looking thing.

    Except it’s You.


  343.  #343English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    #275 Daria

    In the UK Asian means Indian/Pakistani etc, unlike Australia and the US I suppose where it means Chinese/Japanese/Korean etc.

  344.  #344Daria on October 25, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    I can now keep my pelvis open no matter what emotion I’m feeling in my body, or what I’m thinking (and my thoughts adjust so they are more good feeling too).

    That was the point of all this practice, to stay open in my body. Of course I didn’t get then that it meant ‘open’ like a dance move. I thought open was a Concept.

    Like, intending to be friendly.

    And instead that’s just the effect.

    Open just means pelvis open. Everything else just happens.

  345.  #345Daria on October 25, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    All guys want to marry me and be the father of my babies now :). Yay!

    Now to select the ones that ‘fit’ for my life.

    Well they’ll select themselves.

    It feels so fun to talk about what I want and see guys start shifting to see how they could be part of my life.

  346.  #346Starla on October 25, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    261FW I really like what you said here, thank you!

  347.  #347Daria on October 25, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    This guy now wants to go w me to Brazil, cuz I want to.

    He was getting upset when it didn’t seem to fit for him, then he’d get over it and want to some more…

    He thinks I’m the one now.

    After he first said he thinks it would take him a couple years.

    And now he knows on the first date hehe. He seems cool.

    I am so amazing. Men love being around me, they like beg me to ‘heal’ them, and they’re likeOmg I could do this forever.

    I want you to gave my kids…I want you.


    Magic pelvis.

  348.  #348English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    #312 Miss Bells

    I would lean right back and see what his intention is, then you get to see if you want to dance with him……….or not………maybe one of these other CD’s will be dancing with you to music and dance steps more to your liking. 🙂

  349.  #349English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    #327 Starla

    I remember Dorothea!!! Wasn’t she sitting on a bus and got off at her stop and some hot young guy jumped off the bus too and gave her his phone number? Aww I always thought that was so sweet like a TV ad or something, if it wasn’t you, that’s OK it’s a nice story I have in my head/heart. 🙂

  350.  #350English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:42 pm


    Why don’t you make up another address for your dating site emails, like Yahoo, Hotmail or gmail? That’s what I did, then nobody except me knows who I really am. 😀

  351.  #351English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    #335 Daria

    Wow thank you, all this time you talked about it, I thought T-Tapp was EFT, you know tapping away on your body parts. 😀

    Another great bookmark, wow I am having some great insights here this morning.

  352.  #352English Woman on October 25, 2011 at 11:48 pm


    I KNOW you are sooo right, I just have to get out there and actually DO the dating thing, not endless messages and hiding behind my computer screen.

    I feel scared
    I feel lonely
    I feel hopelessness
    I feel helpless
    I feel unworthy
    I feel afraid
    I feel less than
    I feel vulnerable
    I feel afraid of change
    I feel nervous
    I feel shaky
    I feel tired

    I feel weary of doing this on my own so why am I holding back from getting out there and changing my life?

  353.  #353Starla on October 25, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    English Woman,
    Yes, that was me! Hehe. The funny thing is…that sort of thing happens to me all the time now!

  354.  #354Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:01 am

    I didn’t know how to make them fall in love before, but now I do.

    I am superpower girl!

    Is siren.

    I always wanted to be ‘magic’ when I was a kid. Who didn’t think of itself as a girl but a kid…

    But I didn’t think I was special enough.

    Now I’m like ong I am so special.

    Song: I’m so special so special so special…

    I’m gonna play that.

    Guy from tonite asked me on dare for tomorrow.

    It’s cool cuz he gets triggered too, and opening my pelvis brings back connected feeling. To myself first. Then he connects.

  355.  #355Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:03 am

    English Woman – big hugs!

    You just did the riffing healing – that’s what your last post was – so now an easier more comfortable way to ease in there is going to show up!

    That’s been my experience…

    Woohoo for you!

  356.  #356Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:03 am

    Big babystep

  357.  #357Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:09 am

    English woman – i do do EFT too… just sounds the same tho hehe

    the workout is named for the lady who developed it Theresa Tapp

  358.  #358Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:11 am

    the forums at T-tapp.com have LOTS (like more than i have ever seen in once place) info from people talking about nutrition, like different diets people are trying, and supplements, and recipes

    and then i think i first heard about EFT on those forums too…

    but a lot of the older links now don’t seem to all work as much…

    oh i started getting into skin brushing from those forums there as well

    and basically natural health and body aware exercise too

    it would feel so cool if people talked about Rori on there!

    omgosh yeah! about relationships and male female energy

  359.  #359Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:20 am

    it feels so much easier and more comfortable to hold eye contact when i am opening my pelvis… aware of it

    i can be aware of it the way i am of my hand or face

  360.  #360Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:31 am

    “here is this voice inside of me that says if i feel good and optimistic about things, then i’m making a fool out of myself thinking i could ever be worthy of those things.”

    for me its that “if i feel good and optimistic about things, then im being a fool and not mature enough. not worthy of full trust.

    “if i feel good and optimistic about things, then im being a fool cuz those good things won’t happen for ME. they might happen for other luckier people but not for me.

    AND people have the right to treat me badly for feeling so good and optimistic about things

    in fact i invite them to, cuz i talk disparagingly about myself about it

    and i SHOULD be beat up about it. That is really irresponsible and foolish, and not being a full adult, and weird and mentally immature, and causing pain to my family

    i SHOULDN’T feel good and optimistic about things.


    that is not the way of the world

    that is not realistic

    that is not reality

    that is STUPID, dumb, foolish, everything people get judged for

    that’s scary.


    a red flag




    i love me

    it’s also incredibly feel good and attractive
    and lovely feeling

  361.  #361Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:32 am

    omgosh. i could do this, choose nto to believe a thought that feels bad, EVEN if it comes from ME

    for my friend that is in prison!

    ack trauma about prison trigger

    its not safe to believe the best!

    its ok!

    i am gonna choose to believe the best yay


    wow that was a big chest heave

    thank you me

    thank you me

    thank you

  362.  #362Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:37 am

    English Woman – oh is that all, you’re replacing think with feel, ok here’s what i would tweak, i say don’t switch em (cuz they don’t work the same way. it will still be a thought if think works)

    youre doing good for starting to choose to use feel though

    i would just let it be think and just notice, oh i used a thought

    and then write… I feel…

    and then take a pause, like a longish one and turn your attention to what you feel. and it sometimes helps to start with basic feelings like mad sad glad afraid. also i just repeated what i saw other people especially Rori write as feelings, if it seemed to fit for me

    actually i remember i started with very basic sensations.

    hot cold, hungry and thirsty

    were the first feelings i started expressing

    then it was “good”. i feel good

    whooh! deep breath cuz i remembered how scary that first felt

    also bad

    “that feels bad”

    and then angry

    ” i feel angry”

    omgosh it feels amazing im getting it now

  363.  #363Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:39 am

    but you might be learning in a different way than me EW … everyone learns in a cool unique way like a dance is something that seems to be true for me reading about unschooling and learning

    so maybe you’ll spring into full feeling mode all of a sudden, or wade your way in,

    but you will get there when your physiology is ready

    its like the kids learning to read unschooled, they Do cuz they want to, even if its at 12, they’re all frustrated but some all of a sudden POW, they’re reading a whole book

    or amybe they just start with one word

    either way it happens

  364.  #364Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:50 am

    yeah so now i get MALE FEMALE interaction and how it’s different

    like i can easily chat stuff, but it feels better with a man to get quiet

    and sink into me.

    it feels romantic, like when im with a guy that im really turned on with, or in love, that’s what it feels like. flowing connected silence.

    and its cool cuz i create it now

    i don’t have to wait for it to happen

    i MAKE it happen




    by opening and sinking into myself, and my pelvis

    and it feels cool and intriguing, like to see what HE’s going to do rather than suggest a restaurant

    sure i COULD suggest a restaurant

    but if i am quiet and remaining connected i can just keep feeling this romantic, deep feeling that feels like im moving movie like power

    so id RATHER do that.

    cuz it FEELS better

    it FEELS more fun

    it feels more interesting than thinking of a restaurant.

    it feels way cooler to create deep feeling attraction and feel all that deepness and power instead

    its like having a magic button for a man to be attracted to me

    if i was around a guy i was into, i would push that button all day long

    oh you’re talking about restaurants? who cares.

    i just want to make sure he’s attracted to me still right now

    i wanna know that this amazing man is attracted to me cuz it makes me feel better about myself, like i attracted this amazing man

    so now im practicing with random men, and it feels good to both of us too

    and even if we part ways, hes now more likely to attract a girl like me, attractive, awesome… cuz hes been around me

    and then i also start to feel more powerful

    i might get to the place where im not even going for the thrill of wanting to have power over a man i think will make me feel better about myself

    cuz i will already feel good enough about myself

    and then ill feel free to choose a man that supports me and that i feel good about myself around – not cuz he’s amazing and im using him for a boost, but

    well cuz ill be feeling good about myself around any man

    cuz that’s what im Practicing

    a lil convoluted

    but i get it

    its like, IM practicing to get the feeling of feeling good about myself around a man

    cuz i THINK that when im around certain men i am attracted , i am going to feel good about myself

    but if i can just feel good about myself period… then that won’t matter anymore

    the attraction won’t happen cuz it was a False attraction

    it wasn’t like oh they’re a good partner for me,

    it was cuz i wanted to use them to feel good enough

    cuz i WASNT feeling good enough

    but soon i will be

    my ability to feel good enough is super growing

    i mean this guy was reticent and took some minor digs, but he did not DISS my goals or me.

    actually he thought i was great with my positivity and somebody he wants to be around for life

  365.  #365Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:52 am

    this is the stuff they write stories about

    they were looking for the magic spell to attract men for a long time

    cuzthey lost it

    and now ive found it

    and other women have too,

    and now i KNOW it

    i am one of the VERY lucky ones

    that knows how to use “LOVE POWER”


  366.  #366Daria on October 26, 2011 at 12:54 am

    there’s so many stories of women crying their hearts out and feeling hopeless in love

    like all the stories about ‘love potions’

    and even stories about Goddesses

    they were looking for the love power

    and now i have it


    what an awesome story this makes

    how i found a love potion that works

    except this is real

    so stories are real huh




    it would feel fun to write this into an intriguing and captivating and healing and deep and beautiful feeling story

  367.  #367Daria on October 26, 2011 at 1:47 am

    There once was an emperor’s daughter.

    and she loved to play outside in the yard.

    and she met a man, and felt all pulled to him powerfully!

    and she felt excited and then horrified and helpless when the man turned his back and left

    she cried and cried and decided to look for a love potion that would keep men attracted and wanting her so that she would never have to feel that way again

    and after searching a lot she came across a woman who said she had the secret

    so desperate after trying many things she went in again full of hope, because wild desperation won’t let hope die

    well, the magic things the woman showed her were secret. they were plain enough as day, but only the ones who’s eyes had been washed with the water that sees through past experiences would one be able to see them

    (omg this is starting to sound like a common fairytale in romania. does this mean that those are coded stories of real life people’s wisdom too? and that there’s magic in there hidden once i wash my eyes? … pretty much… super exciting… but now, back to the story)

    so the woman gave the girl a few magic words and a magic invisible waterwheel that always brought her washing water.

    it wasn’t easy to use the tools at first but the girl kept on. she was afraid her secret would be discovered or that the tools like so many other things in her life would eventually fail and stop working.

    sometimes she found herself panicking and forgetting the woman’s instructions.

    sometimes she forgot she had the tools

    sometimes she felt so clumsy and thought surely she would never be good enough to use them properly

    one thing tho, the tools kept working

    and of course, the emperor’s daughter kept getting better and better

    she started feeling more secure.

    she started feeling a lil bit less desperate.

    she started to feel less afraid of the horrible feeling of that man leaving

    it was a distant past now, it started to seem like an impossiblity now with her new power

    she had whole kingdoms, princes, kings and freemen falling at her feet

    everyman wanted the emperor’s daughter.

    she started to feel bad.


    its not me she thought, its the tools. they dont really like me.

    sometimes, she felt lonely with everyone under her spell like that

    she didn’t feel satisfied. the man that had turned his back never showed up. and none of the other men seemed to quite measure up, or warrant her effort in keeping them attracted

    she felt sad and started feeling desperation.

    so she went back to the woman.

    I used the tools you gave me she said. and they are marvelous. i bless you for sharing these things with me.

    and yet i still feel sad. i still feel unfulfilled. and the man who turned his back on me never showed up so i could use them on him to erase that horrible feeling and redo the past.

    ah said the woman. yes.

    am i doomed? said the emperor’s daughter. is there no hope for me?

    no said the woman. there is hope.

    here’s what i want you to do. i will give you a magic spell to bring in the man that will make you feel fulfilled.

    but you must be very brave, and you must be persistent. listen.

    oh yes. said the emperor’s daughter. anything.

    every night before you go to bed, look at the moon and tell her about what your life with the man who you will feel fulfiled with.

    BE VERY CAREFUL. DO NOT TELL HER WHO THE MAN IS! DO NOT GIVE HER ANY DETAILS OF HIM, or else she will seem to be jealous and hold on to him and the spell will not hold.

    when your heart starts at the moon… then you can go tell everyman your story, so that it can reach the ears of the man who will fulfill you

    be very careful, as he may not look at first as you envisioned him to be. make sure you allow everyone in to be presented to you who claims to be him.
    use all your senses, and do NOT be swayed by some who seem to draw you but don’t feel right. they are only goblins or shadows and if you do not get drawn into their charms, they will disappear. when you are able to recognize them, and hold fast to yourself and your story of what you want, the men who fulfill you will shed their disguises and be seen to you. and there will be one in particular that will be bolder and claim you first.

    all you gotta do, is hang on to yourself and remember your story and the desire your heart made to the moon.

    i can do that, said the emperor’s daughter. tho she thought it sounded a lil more scary and complicated than it seemed.


    when she went back to her palace, the emperor’s daughter talked to the moon. and she gave word to everyone that anyone who thought they were the man who would fulfill the emperor’s daughter, they could come to the gates and be seen and speak with her, at certain times of the day

    the next day, the courtyard was full

    the day after that, the courtyard and the emperor’s main road was full from the crowd

    princes, kings, freemen, beggars and paupers showed up. the emperor’s daughter had a hard time letting them each in.

    some of them were stinky and sick. some had brought their cows with them from pasture.

    her heart jumped when she saw a prince or a king from the multitude. sometimes she would call for him to be let in first, just so she could feel some excitement before having to deal with the rest of the crowd.

    but these princes and kings started showing strange signs. she remembered the words of the woman and sometimes repeated to herself the story of her hearts desire, so that she would not fall into the spell of the deceiving goblin. sometimes when she forgot, she found herself alone on the edge of town, at nightfall, not knowing how she got there. frightened, she would go back to the palace and vow to be more careful.

    after awhile, she started to see the transparency in the shadow men more quickly. using her tools, the words and waterwheel seemed to weaken the goblin spell.

    she started doing them day and night, so that she could always feel protected.

    she started to relax more and be kinder to the beggars and sick people. she started to enjoy her time and if a special king still caught her eye now and then, she no longer looked to talking to the people as a burden.

    meanwhile, the kingdom grew with men who had seen and talked to the emperor’s daughter. they all claimed she was so kind, and so beautiful, and being around her had induced in them a state of such joy and happiness, that they were all able to feel blessed to be in her presence. some of the sick healed. word spread about the magic of the emperor’s daughter.

  368.  #368Ella on October 26, 2011 at 1:48 am

    Ok Potential Scammer guy on POF has asked for my MSN so we can use the webcam and video chat.

    I don’t have an MSN and I’ve no idea if this is a dodgy thing for people to ask for or a good sign that he is willing to go on camera?

    I have never successfully used video chat and I told him I feel nervous about it and not done it before and he said it was the same for him and he wants to do it with me for the first time…

    Any thoughts/feelings on this?

    I am treading carefully because I still feel quite suspicious of this one and a little out of my depth with all the webcam stuff…


  369.  #369Butterfly Wings on October 26, 2011 at 1:59 am

    Ella, I’m not sure… I feel a bit suspicious too….

    But then again, I video chat with TH all the time.

    Also, how good is your computer security? I believe that video chatting can open up some vulnerabilities too, so make sure your antivirus etc is up to date too….

    I have a funny story actually about an accidental video chat I had with a friend of a friend once. We became Skype buddies because we had the same mentor, and he’s in the UK (I’m in Australia) and when his son was asleep in hospital, he’d sit by his bed and we’d chat online because obviously it was daytime here. Not video – just IM.

    Anyway, our contact dropped off for a while and we hadn’t talked in around a year when he dialed in via webcam. I thought that was weird because we’d never video chatted but I accepted the call anyway because I knew him.

    When he came up in the picture, he had no shirt on (it was summer over there), and the look of shock when he saw my face was hilarious and he quickly covered himself up, saying “I thought you were Noddy!”. Rofl

    I said no problem and we hung up.

    A few minutes later I got an IM saying “Wow, you are one sexy lady!”. Haha 😀

  370.  #370Daria on October 26, 2011 at 2:16 am

    Ella – sure people do ask that all the time.

    if this was me i would do it.

    im simply not afraid of scammers for some reason

  371.  #371Daria on October 26, 2011 at 2:22 am

    wow Daria you are so amazing

    that story felt spellbinding

    you are a poet, a storyteller

    you are a weaver of the world

    wow wow wow

    thank your for blessing me and the people who’s soul and wisdom are touched by this story

  372.  #372Daria on October 26, 2011 at 2:25 am

    Ella – also i might even say, it would feel better to talk on the phone, i don’t want to chat right now… im at [number]

    i’d likely say this cuz i Don’t want to go to the bother of it

  373.  #373Daria on October 26, 2011 at 2:45 am

    oh i felt moved and i felt chest heaves and tearing up reading this love story to the end from Rori’s eletter

    “Here’s a success story about Julie, whose situation was as bad as it gets, and I’ll share with you some of the ways we turned it all around, so you can feel hopeful for your own love life.

    Julie’s husband drank.

    He wasn’t (she was pretty sure) an alcoholic, but his “recreational” life had always centered around the neighborhood bar and his friends who all drank, too.

    He was in the habit of drinking so late in the evening, and hanging out with his friends so late, that instead of driving home to be with Julie, he’d just crash with a friend, not even call her to let her know where he was, and then show up in the morning as if nothing had happened, crawl into bed with her, and try to get cuddly and have sex.

    Julie was enraged.

    Wouldn’t you be?

    There were so many other things he was critical and mean to her, he was just an out-and- out “little boy.”

    And what was almost even more challenging for us to work with – Julie felt she had her OWN “issues.”

    The worse things got with her husband, Brian, the more she ate to comfort herself, and her weight had ballooned to where – on top of everything else – she was feeling bad about HERSELF.

    Before she contacted me, she had “thrown him out of the house,” and he’d moved into a friend’s temporarily vacant apartment.

    They were separated for about 2 months, then he begged her to take him back, said he’d reformed, attempted to prove himself to her, and she agreed to try again.

    When she first called me, they’d been back together about 2 months.

    He was still acting like a little boy, though, and still staying out all night. To put the icing on the cake, she found out that during the separation he’d had an affair with a co-worker.

    I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Julie’s family and every friend she knew told her to divorce him NOW.

    But she loved him.

    She felt a real connection with him, a real interest in him as a person, and the fun times they had were off the charts for her.

    But his little boy behavior – even though it had all improved tremendously and he seemed to have grown up quite a bit – was impossible for her to live with, and the image of his betrayal of her with the other woman, even though he and Julie had been technically “separated” at the time, was eating at her insides.

    She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop eating, and didn’t know how to handle her anger and despair.

    Yet, within another 2 months (everything in twos here!) the marriage had turned around so dramatically that I consider it to be one of the finest marriages I know about!

    Here’s how we did it:

    First (and you’ll learn about this in my Toxic Men program), Julie had to “understand” what the powerful draw to this man’s “toxicity” was.

    She had to “get” how his drinking and “little- boy” problem made her feel “stronger” and “better” than him somehow, and how that felt good to her in a deep way she hadn’t realized.

    She also had to really look at how HIS problems were HELPING her to take the focus off of her own issues – especially how she was not taking good care of herself, and how that made it so difficult for her to RECEIVE love.

    So I had her refocus all her energies.

    She focused on “blooming” her life outside of the marriage – she joined a gym, she went to a nutritional center and focused on her health, she took walks, she went out with her friends, she focused on choosing something to do that made her feel happy whenever she could.

    Whenever she found herself getting angry at her husband’s lack of discipline, she attended to her own sense of discipline in taking care of herself.

    When the image of the “other woman” came up, she allowed herself to FEEL it, and then she used my Tools to shift that image into something that made her feel better.

    Bit by bit, moment by moment, she started to climb out of that pit of despair she was in, and get a bigger picture for herself – of a better, more fulfilling life.

    What Julie did, and what you’ll learn to do in Toxic Men, is to take herself OUT of the Toxic dynamic between her and her husband.

    She stopped telling him what to do to be more responsible, and instead used all her energy for herself.

    Julie discovered she was a much “bigger” and better person than she’d thought she was.

    She started feeling better.

    And that whole new, happier, stronger “vibe” around her completely changed the relationship – and her husband right along with it.

    Arguments stopped.

    She learned how to “Opt-Out.” (This Tool is in Toxic Men – it’ll help you stop feeling drained by your man and all the work you’re doing to save the relationship and instead change things effortlessly.)

    If you’d like to get some free help and to watch some of Toxic Men go here right now:


    All of a sudden, Julie’s husband started coming home at night.

    And when he didn’t, she handled it in a completely different way – a way he’d never seen before and that made him want to try harder to make her happy.

    It was as if he was growing up before her eyes, and at the same time, she was changing.

    She felt stronger, healthier – she felt so good taking care of herself and was shocked to see how her taking care of herself was making HIM want to take care of HER!

    Everything was working backwards from the way she’d been trying to make it work.

    The “other woman” was the most difficult part.

    Julie couldn’t forget, forgive, or stop thinking about it.

    This is where she had to make a choice.

    Now that she knew that this could be a good marriage – did she WANT it?

    Did she want to be with a man who’d “betrayed” her, or did she want to start fresh with a new man?

    All of a sudden, what had felt painful, desperate, overwhelming, back-to-the-wall and impossible, felt like a “choice” she had the power and the strength to make.

    And the choice she made was to stay.

    She decided that what she had here with her husband was a true, deep connection, and that it was meaningful and actually felt wonderful to her.

    She decided that both of them had grown through this experience, and MOST IMPORTANT, she now believed her husband to be – objectively, without looking at him through desperate, angry eyes – a man with whom she could have an Expanding Relationship.

    I explain the Expanding Relationship in Toxic Men, but briefly – it’s the opposite of a Toxic Relationship.

    In an Expanding Relationship, both people are about HELPING the other to become the best, happiest person they can be.

    In an Expanding Relationship, her husband would be COMMITTED to helping Julie grow as a person their whole lives together – as she was already committed to being there for HIM.

    In an Expanding Relationship, they could help EACH OTHER go farther and faster, to realize their true potential, both in love and out there in the world.

    In an Expanding Relationship they would both be totally committed to developing true INTIMACY instead of “just getting along.”

    And that’s what happened.

    Julie felt completely SUPPORTED for the first time in her life.

    She felt her husband was already grown up enough to be a real support for her, and that she didn’t have to “train” him anymore.

    He’d changed.

    She didn’t feel the need to “mold” him anymore.

    She’d begun to TRUST him.

    She made the decision to start fresh, give him a true second chance, deal with her feelings about the “other woman” who was NOT in his life (he even did MORE than he needed to do to be open and prove to Julie that she was the only woman in his life, the only woman who would ever matter – and she could FEEL that).

    Her marriage felt fantastic.

    All her friends’ mouths were hanging open.

    Her family re-embraced him.

    He pretty much abandoned his boyish hanging- out-with-the-boys-at-the-bar behavior and focused himself on his business.

    He started to look at his own issues with a realistic eye, and both of them completely stopped being defensive.

    They were achieving a real partnership.

    This marriage had pretty low odds of succeeding, and yet it has – and brilliantly.

    So I KNOW you have hope, and I want you to believe in yourself and FEEL that hope..

  374.  #374Daria on October 26, 2011 at 2:46 am

    so should i throw another difficulty in my magic story so that it can be more climactic and dramatic?

    i DONT THINK SO!!!


  375.  #375Daria on October 26, 2011 at 2:47 am

    its the story of me in life to the present and … the magic of it is in the wonderfulness and healing and blessing, not in the overcoming ‘adversity/adversaries/ overcoming anything’

  376.  #376sammie sighs on October 26, 2011 at 2:59 am

    Sorry sirens my post came through 3 times oops lol..well feeling better today after reading your posts very uplifting vibe…felt bit triggered yesterday now feeling calm…Mr P is still emailing me and for now I’m just enjoying the conversations and not expecting anything just practising using Roris tool …funny no longer seing him as the prize but feeling like I am the prize lol

  377.  #377Daria on October 26, 2011 at 3:00 am

    this was about how to have a fearless birth, and i edited some specifi words out it cuz it felt so inspiring to me in general not just abotu birth. when i read it, i recognized tools ive used and heard of and forgot, and now feel so clear to me

    this is from a Goddess named Talaina John:

    “When these natural fears arise, you may acknowledge them, feel them, and then let them go. Breathe out. If you feel fearful, spend time outdoors as often as possible. Watch plants, trees, flowers, rivers, thunderstorms, and starry nights. Breathe deeply and mind your posture. Do not complain about fears or discomforts unless you are genuinely concerned for safety. Work through these discomforts and ask for what you truly need. Do not let complaining and fearfulness get the best of you. Laugh often, relax, and go with the flow. Trusting our bodies and our babies are one in the same, we trust our bodies to give birth.”

  378.  #378Daria on October 26, 2011 at 3:05 am

    here’s more, im so blessed

    “Here is an exercise you can try
    (or not try) it’s optional. (Always take what helps, and leave what doesn’t.)
    Try this: Sit in a way that relaxes you, and clear your mind. Think about something that makes you scared, or fearful, or nervous surrounding birth. (If you don’t have any, GREAT.) Notice the change in your blood flow, heart rate and way of thinking.

    — for the practice from Rori that blood flow, is whether my legs get to feeling tingly, or is it my arms and feeling like the lava rushes to my head… or… and heart rate, and of COURSE my way of thinking changes!! this happened a few times with CD’s on the phone lately, when i felt upset… i kept looking for stuff to be ‘against’ . ha! i am learning and healing

    Now relax, and breathe out. We can maintain balance in labor by trusting ourselves to give birth. Feel the negative feelings flow down and away from you, just let them go. Just be.

    open the pelvis i would do now

    Keep breathing. Place focus on the positive feelings and words you are surrounded by. ”


    thank you thank you thank you

  379.  #379Daria on October 26, 2011 at 3:08 am

    more. omg so awesome

    ‘our survival is not threatened, this is natural and normal.

    goes for love too for me, today… 🙂

    “In my own experience, there is always a minute or two where complete control is given over to the birth and there is no use going against the urge to release the baby into the world. Enjoy the trust you feel when you surrender. Surrender any physical resistance you feel and let it go completely. Do not attempt to control the birth, instead listen to your bodies needs. Fear exists as a sense of threat against our survival. Our survival is not at threat, this is natural, this is normal.

    By meditating and praying we can achieve mental and physical strength. This physical strength comes from our minds from the inside out. Acknowledge that a woman’s body knows how to give birth. Let us all work with birth and not against ourselves. ”

    omg that is so awesome about meditation increasing physical strength, i mean yeah, but wow!

  380.  #380Daria on October 26, 2011 at 3:08 am

    “Here is some visualizations that may help through an intense surge during birth:
    (especially for the onset of panic or hyperventilation in which case mom should SLOW HER BREATH)

    Ripples on a beautiful pond Fields of flowers on the mountainside A Starry night sky Sun shining through the rain.

    Reminder: This is an initiation to our own inner wisdom of self. “

  381.  #381Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 3:21 am

    Daria, are you still here? When you say you open your pelvis…are you talking about RR Dance Step? I want to start doing what you are doing!!!!! Thanx so much for the t-tapp info. You are a wealth of information….and I learn so much from you! Xo A

  382.  #382jodi on October 26, 2011 at 3:32 am

    wow I feel dumb..I had a jealous rage that my boyfriend was cheating..and i took him off my facebook. I did this cause I kept looking up all these girls he was friends with and was getting more jealous..of course I regret this and want him back..but rori, I hope he wont take your advice and forget me..I was immature and I did apologize and hope things work out with him and I.

  383.  #383Lyka on October 26, 2011 at 3:43 am

    EW – #336:

    Amen to that! 😉

  384.  #384Daria on October 26, 2011 at 4:02 am

    Ariadne – Rori talks about it as part of her dance step

    this is something a lil smaller tho for me

    it’s like expanding my pelvis sideways… letting it relax sideways

    it notice i use a visual to check how my pelvis is feeling

    so for my pelvis, i mean hips actually

    so i WANT my hips to feel big. wide as the ocean.

    it feels powerful, ‘rooted’. like the earth has a stronger pull on me and is not gonna let me float of into space. she is magnetically attracting my feet and aware of my presence on her

    so i imagine the sides of my hips

    like this: (….)

    those are my hips

    to get a good awareness … you can hold your breath and tighten your hips. this will feel like you’re tense, like OH! ready to run

    now exhale while releasing the hips… whewwwwww…. (crisis gone)

    now try maintaining that openess, relaxedness while breathing in and out normaly

    it might feel more like your sinking into the floor, or like your guts are relaxing down which might feel a lil uncomfortable at first… my tummy just turned and my heart started beating faster…

    maybe even the blood from your head will rush down (mine just did! it felt like a squeezing in my forehead and a sinking down from there)

    now if i notice i forgot about it i check how my hips are, and open them again

    i find i can continue to walk and talk and breathe and feel and even brush my teeth doing this and it makes everything much SMOOTHER quality, and my thoughts much deeper and wiser

    im doing it all the time, and letting my feelings move through my body above that, all in my tummy chest, whatever, while maintaining my hips open like that

    while walking, especialy. i find i feel a lil shorter, closer to the ground, im walking with weight a lil more towards my heels

    also, it kinda makes it impossible to rush.

    rushing is like the antithesis of this body posture/feeling that goes with it

    and it seems so much easier to choose a feeling message and keep my torso leaned back rather then ‘jumping’ to a conditioned response. because there’s no Jumping rushing happening in this posture

    if this works for you awesome, if you want more help then i can

  385.  #385Daria on October 26, 2011 at 4:08 am

    jodi – Rori’s advice is for women. There is a huge difference in Rori’s work between men and women. You can read a few comments down from the top, and Rori will have addressed one of the commentors who deleted a man from fb

    in your case, i would stop. really just stop ever looking at the women on his page. when the urge hits, i would first pause and remember it felt awful this time. and i dont want that again and it won’t feel good. to me. and then id do something else that FEELS GOOD to me, like dance around, or giggle with a friend, or learn something intriguing

    your man will likely contact you, and then you can see how you feel and let him know you felt freaked and you feel sorry and you miss him. if he was actually a good guy and not mistreating you in some way involving these women.

    there are a lot of fundamentals in Rori’s work that can help you with relationships in general, and becoming aware and in control in a gentle ways of the parts of you that try to run you and sabotage you (like looking at girl’s pages)

  386.  #386English Woman on October 26, 2011 at 4:27 am

    #355 DARIA!!!

    THANK YOU SO MUCH, I have only been to the forum here at work but I LOVE the T-Tapp thing haven’t watched the videos yet, I will have a go tonight, and will recommend this to my daughter who has back problems, I LOVE new projects. 🙂


  387.  #387Ella on October 26, 2011 at 4:28 am


    New one on POF now and again I feel suspicious…

    This one mailed me and says:

    “Hey how are you doing today?? I hope you are fine and had a great weekend? How long have you been on this dating site for? Found anyone yet?? I’m very new to this and I must confess that I’m really impressed with your profile; your profile brought a SILLY smile to my face! And I would really like to take this up to know you better which am hoping you don’t mind? I don’t know if you find it comfortable exchanging email addresses? I don’t think an email would hurt, One never knows anyone truly until you write a few times. So get in touch- emmieshankaya at hot mail dot com.

    Please get in touch by my email or reply with your address so I can contact you to tell you more about myself in details….
    Age, distance and habits aren’t a problem with me, What matters most to me are Honesty, trust and good communication these are essential virtues that matter to me in a relationship and I hope we can get to see some of that within ourselves…I believe with good communication we can both embrace what we have in common and work out differences.

    Feel free to write to me, I initiated this conversation, and I will be responsible for any forthcomings. I will be on the lookout for your email and I really hope you write to me as I would like to know you better….I’m not on this site often or I rarely log on so please use alternate and I hope you message me soon.


    Hmm, is it me or does he seem quite bent on getting my e-mail address?

    I feel resistant and unsafe.


  388.  #388Butterfly Wings on October 26, 2011 at 4:30 am

    I’m with you totally Ella! lol

  389.  #389English Woman on October 26, 2011 at 4:32 am

    #364 Daria

    Did you just make up that story on the spot? I am WELL impressed!!!!!

  390.  #390English Woman on October 26, 2011 at 4:43 am

    #384 Ella

    Number 1, maybe it’s an age thing but I would be wary of the webcam thing at first, maybe he just wants to see if you really look like you say you do, then again maybe he just wants to flash his di*k. 😀

    Number 2 defo sounds scammy, but he will be deleted off POF if so, they don’t stay on there too long. I have had more than one of this hot and heavy type and the next morning they are gone……poof….

    Is this your first time on an online dating site?

  391.  #391sammie sighs on October 26, 2011 at 4:54 am

    #379 Hi Jodie I done the same thing with an ex! All you can do is forgive yourself you can learn from it but can’t take it back.. this site is great for helping you overcome any insecurity or self esteem issues thats what I had to overcome in order to not feel the need to look and check up on my man’s friends..not saying your any of those things! But I found I had stuff to heal and these were some of them and the good news is if I can do it anyone can! Keep reading Rori’s tools and this blog and you will have all the Siren qualties ready for when your man shows up again.x

  392.  #392Ella on October 26, 2011 at 5:18 am

    BW & EW Thanks.

    No, I am not new to internet dating, it just seems like suddenly I am having a few dodgy ones that I have felt unsure about and I don’t know so much about using webcams and exchanging e-mail addresses and how much of a security risk these things are…

    Thanks for the advice.

    Think I am just going to let these 2 dodgy feeling ones go…

    My instinct is just saying that they are not right…


  393.  #393Ella on October 26, 2011 at 5:20 am


    You mentioned that you thought I could make some money from my website using Amazon.

    Please would you expand on that and give me some more information?

    I feel interested in this.

    Not sure if I have said this before. And I wanted to say thank you anyway because you are the one who inspired me to create my website…


  394.  #394Lyka on October 26, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Ella, you would have to have something to sell, like material things (books, cds, dvds, etc.).

    I don’t believe it would work for your zumba class, unless I’m mistaken.

  395.  #396Butterfly wings on October 26, 2011 at 5:31 am

    You can become an amazon affiliate Ella. And sell amazon products from your site by placing ads on there.

    I’ve not had a lot of luck with that myself but I suppose it depends on what you’re selling and how you promote them.

  396.  #397Butterfly wings on October 26, 2011 at 5:33 am

    TH wanted me to go to his house to have sex. I said no. He is now cranky. Meh… He needs to get used to missing me. I’ve been too accommodating up till now…

  397.  #398English Woman on October 26, 2011 at 6:10 am

    Ella, have you checked out the T Tapp webpage that Daria posted, maybe you could look into being a teacher of that too and it would fit right in with your Zumba, Health and Fitness too. Maybe you could start up the T Tapp craze that swept the country like Zumba did. 🙂

    From little acorns…………..

  398.  #399English Woman on October 26, 2011 at 6:15 am

    I got very excited reading the success stories on the T Tapp page. 😀

    Good for lots of other things besides toning up, internal bodily functions and lots of other things too like cholesterol, diabetes, etc.l!!


  399.  #400English Woman on October 26, 2011 at 6:16 am

    #394 BW

    Now is the time to lean RIGHT back and do the boundary thingie. 😀

  400.  #401Mel on October 26, 2011 at 6:28 am

    The universe is soooooo funny! I love her sense of humor!

    I have become architect’s “crack fix.” He emails/texts me all the time and is acting super interested, almost to the point of it feeling needy. I’m finding myself thinking “whoa, down boy!” and wanting to pull away and create a bit of distance. Like… dude don’t you have something better to do right now? I’m busy!

    The universe is teaching me what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the crack-fix energy. It feels too intense, too much. I understand. Thank-you universe. You can tell him to calm down now! 😉

    P.S. Sorry SexySarcastic! You are no longer my man crack fix. Nor will you ever be again. 🙂 I can see why you may have run away….

  401.  #402Femininewoman on October 26, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Yeah Mel. We want a man to make us the center of his universe. Then when one does we want to run away from him.

  402.  #403Femininewoman on October 26, 2011 at 6:51 am

    BW I believe the key is in why you said no. Is it to punish it or is it because it doesn’t feel good to you to do it? I would get clear on that for myself because of he chooses to take care of his need outside of you and you find out later you will be most likely upset. If he senses you are playing games, as in hard to get, rather than taking care of your needs he could start playing too. I am just saying.

  403.  #404sammie sighs on October 26, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Wow I’m feeling really triggered on here last couple of days I think mainly by the whole rape post I feel I was to open when trying to help and feel tight in my chest and heavy in my arms maybe I still have some healing to do…

  404.  #405Mel on October 26, 2011 at 7:11 am

    So true FW!

    I think I’m learning that a balance between “center of world” and “I don’t need you” is where I want to be. 🙂

  405.  #406Femininewoman on October 26, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Understand Men Tip #2

    When a woman says she’s “fine,” she usually isn’t. When a man says he’s “fine,” he literally is.

    How many times has a man said he’s “fine” and you wondered how he really was or asked him again?

    Johnathan Aslay

  406.  #407Femininewoman on October 26, 2011 at 8:59 am

    In some circles, it might even be politically incorrect to say it, because so many people have been hurt in PAST relationships (and we all naturally tend to “project” our past experiences and people onto CURRENT ones) – but the single most stand out attraction or flirtation skill missing in today’s western dating culture is this: It’s the ability to ADMIRE a man.
    It’s gone.
    I had the unfortunate (but compelling) experience last year to be in Britain, where a UK woman summed up for me what she viewed as the difference between American and British men. She said, “Sorry to inform you, but American men are considered dishonorable until proven otherwise, while British men are still (barely so) considered honorable until proven otherwise.”
    I was stunned, but immediately knew exactly what she was talking about. It’s the same thing I’ve heard from men who actually invest a lot of money just to go abroad to find dates with the potential to find long term relationships (yes, men do want them, only if they offer a feeling that masculinizes them.) Women are right and to be commended for seeking empowerment. And all human beings – the other half – ought to do so as well. It’s that sometimes we see so many atrocious things about the state of modern marriage that we forget that even after walking down the aisle, we are stll both in the relationship voluntarily, out of free will. We never own each other or owe each other – every interaction is a voluntary gift, woman to man and man to woman. It’s no wonder so many being at a loss as to why they can’t find love that also has commitment. We both have to work for it, fifty-fifty:
    Part of courtship – “Step Two” for women that I lay out in the Seventh Sense Program – must include a sense of the woman admiring a man in a nonverbal way, letting him know that he is liked, could be loved, and is preferred over other men.
    Luckily, women still have an unconscious that, quite logically, operates without their conscious control, and in their body language and behavior, they silently do the reflex behavior – tilting of the head, smiling, gazing with a barely perceptible flutter of the eyes that still reveals, after thousands of years of evolution, they still do want men and desire them.
    Thank God we still have an unconscious mind. It very well may save the future of dating from temporary cultural fads and the cycle of what is politically correct.
    What other teachers won’t tend to tell you is that romance is a dance for two – not just the woman getting her needs satisfied or the man rebelling against the cultural norm to practice “better game” in order to get his own needs satisfied.
    Step two of sexual attraction has a step for women AND a step for men.
    As in much of life, it is ladies first here too.
    She expresses admiration for men that is real and heartfelt. It may not be in words, but it is most certainly in body language at the very least.
    She signals men with her smile, and her tilt of the head, her gaze, and her grooming of herself while looking deep in their eyes.
    Most men don’t notice this at first, and it’s diminished by plenty of advice out there regarding the perils of “stroking the fragile male ego.”
    It’s not a fragile ego that men have at all. It’s a necessary and valid step of human courtship that proves yes, this woman prefers him over other men and may therefore be worth investing in. There is a promise of commitment in return for commitment.
    It’s a call for gentlemanly behavior on his part, demonstrating his wares as a man, an invitation to show what he is made of, and what resources he possesses that could very much benefit her should she decide to align with him in something more than just a light dating relationship.
    When women complain of men’s lack of gentlemanliness, or their singleminded focus on sex, some women don’t stop to wonder whether they have done the immediate step that precedes the gentlemanliness – showing men that they admire something about them (which usually needs to be about their careers if it is to be most effective.)

    Paul Dobransky

  407.  #408Daria on October 26, 2011 at 9:21 am

    i had an issue with the ‘fine’ last nite.

    it was like, the guy was upset. and, i could tell. and i asked him whatsup. and he’s like nothing, don’t worry about it

    and i felt disconnected from him

    and i felt bad

    and i was going to say something like, “i can tell something’s wrong whats going on for you?”

    but then i realized whoa – ME

    so i said… “oh… i feel sad… whatsup?”

    eventually by keeping on talking about Me with my open pelvis body language he Did step up

    i did do a lot of scary stuff like say “actually, i feel kind of uncomfortable right now… do you think you should take me home?”

    at this point i was feeling unwanted… i had thoughts like oh this guy’s sad and doesnt think he can give me what he wants, and actually i dont want to sit through dinner feeling this way.

    this feels bad

    omg i was so open to be able to say that.

    go me!

  408.  #409Daria on October 26, 2011 at 9:24 am

    yay! i feel happy some ladies got a chance to check out T-tapp and see its coolness

    when i was in Romania i showed my mom and I’s lady friends the stance and they wanted me to teach a class hehe

    that felt GOOD! i felt appreciated

    it would feel kinda cool to do that and i sometimes think about it… getting certified as a T-tapp trainer is an option..

  409.  #410Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Daria! Just got back home. Thank you sooo much for giving me advice on open pelvis! (…..) !!!!! I’m going to do this all the time now..so that I can feel relaxed , grounded and Sireny. I love the fact that it slows you down so that your more aware of yourself. Love to you..xo A

  410.  #411Daria on October 26, 2011 at 9:27 am

    English Woman – i feel glad you like the T-tapp. and it’s so ‘easy’!

    THANK YOU for the comment about my story 🙂

  411.  #412Daria on October 26, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Ariadne – yay! I’m so glad!

    Question: were you able to “get” the move by reading that description?

    Have you been trying it while communicating with people? it really helped me too to do that before i talk to my family on the phone

  412.  #413Daria on October 26, 2011 at 9:31 am

    not just phone, real life too.

    it makes me feel peaceful and not anxious. and they are less likely to attack me it seems…

    im not feeling anxious and worried that they will

    its like Instant Respect and Power

  413.  #414Emerson on October 26, 2011 at 9:54 am

    405 Daria I love this…I feel inspired by what you said and being so honest…I’ve been afraid to say such things before…and I feel inspired that I can say that…thank you

  414.  #415Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Current posts on another thread:

    601: Rori Raye says:
    Tiffany and all – so sorry that wild guy got past moderation…I was just concerned that if I went back to moderating all new commenters automatically – they wouldn’t get through for a full day…but I’ll do that now and work to stay on top of it all during the day. This IS a safe place. This is the first time in ages this has happened – so I’ll keep a close eye on it. Also – anyone new who has a good heart but doesn’t seem to know the guidelines we’re observing about Feeling Messages and softness and no hard opinions or advice – I write personally with the guidelines and try to get them up to speed. You are the greatest community in the world, and please be sure to let me know whenever anything doesn’t feel right. Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 26 October 2011 @ 9:53am

    602: Rori Raye says:
    Also – I’m blocking out all men (except for Jonathon Aslay and Evan Marc Katz as coaches) – Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 26 October 2011 @ 9:54am



  415.  #416Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 10:09 am

    I’ll catch up soon but I want to express my gratitude for the “little miracles.” Hello, world and thank you.

    All the tattoos were gone this morning… except for one… the one for me. I grabbed it.

    And… couple days ago I had wanted a third pack of hair but there were no more in the store or in stock in my color choice…

    Alas, today, one sealed pack appeared, all my itself.. wasn’t there before and none in the store.. OK, this happens to me all the time so being me, I said, “thank you” and grabbed it also!


  416.  #417Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 10:10 am

    “…appeared all by itself..”

  417.  #418Esteemed on October 26, 2011 at 10:15 am


    RE: #267 – You said, “Hello, I apologize for writing so much. I do have hypergraphia. I write a lot.”

    No apologies necessary! Rori has encouraged us to use her blog like a journal! She knows these are deep changes, and they take time to process. Writing is a terrific way to process! So write your little heart out!

  418.  #419Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 10:26 am

    Daria! Yes, you explained it very well. I’ve been doing it and it does feel more grounded and I’m moving more from my heels…”I am the root” “I own the ground I walk on” Love it! xo

  419.  #420Esteemed on October 26, 2011 at 10:28 am


    RE: #302 – I love your method of putting it back in his masculine role. With K, I am currently dealing with an issue where he is getting intense about his feelings, putting pressure on me to do something that I find unethical. He has pressured me repeatedly for years. The underlying issue is that he is flipped out in love with me, and I am not in love with him and don’t want to spend my future with him.

    So he has already told me what he thinks we ought to do about it, and I refuse. Now what? I’d appreciate any ideas.

  420.  #421Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 10:41 am

    @288: sammie sighs says:
    “…#244 thank you senior lady I felt like I opened myself up to try and help someone thru what I had experienced now I feel triggered and stupid for sharing and tears guess it will pass again
    Tuesday, 25 October 2011 @ 3:35pm…”

    If you are talking about your post to Deborah, that was a wonderful share!

    As I mentioned in my post to you, I’m a supporter of what you wrote. The way I feel about what I wrote is happy, wise and empowered. I do not know what happened that you are feeling stupid for sharing and there are tears. Please continue to share.


    “245: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @216: sammie sighs says:
    “…The only way to win is to live to be soft again to trust again not n a stupid dumb I trust all way but in a way they have to prove themselves…”

    I’m a proponent of “not in a stupid dumb I trust all way” as you say.
    I have gates.
    Tuesday, 25 October 2011 @ 12:18pm

  421.  #422Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 10:51 am

    @270 Ella

    OK, I took a look. Not much there. Asian, I’d say “yes” possibly South Asian Pakistani Muslim.

    Scammer? Who knows? My guess is he’s a guy who wants to play around and if any “attachment” occurs he’s already given himself an “escape card”… as in
    “I said from the beginning I didn’t want anything serious….”

    This is what I pay close attention to!!! ==>

    Mail Settings
    To send a message to Waris6 you MUST meet the following criteria:
    Must not be looking for Hang Out
    Must not be looking for Long-term
    Must not be looking for Other Relationship
    Must not be looking for Dating

    Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
    Must not be looking for Activity Partner

    What does he want? Hmmm Dunno… but if I wanted any of the above he would not be the man for me.


  422.  #423Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 11:19 am

    @304: Starla says:
    “OH SNAP. Just acquired a new CD.
    It’s pouring men. holy crappp..”

    Five million views. Whoa! 😛

    Weather Girls “It’s Raining Men”

    “…I’m going to go out…
    I’m going to let myself get
    absolutely soaking wet…”

    LOL 😆


  423.  #424Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 11:21 am

    SLV!!!!! You are tooo funeee!!! Xo A

  424.  #425Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 11:24 am

    SLV! Maybe he just wants women to look at his pics! Anyways what difference does it make what HE wants?…that is up to the SIREN! LOLZ! Xo A

  425.  #426Tiffany on October 26, 2011 at 11:45 am

    So many posts to catch up on!

    This definitely sounds like Ella’s story 🙂

    And it makes me think about the guy that I “hooked up” with twice, who I haven’t seen in a really long time, but he’s still there, on Facebook. On gchat. He never contacts me anymore. He used to message me during meetings – really sexy stuff. And then, whoof. It was gone. Just like that.

    It still turns me on to see his picture. I still feel curious about him. And I’ve considered simply “dropping” him from my friends list. On the other hand, he seems like a good person to “keep around”… Not in a real “keeping” kind of way. Just that, the connection could be useful somehow. And also, I have to say, I’m a little bit proud that he came after me in the first place. Okay, ok, I messaged him first on OK Cupid. But he volunteered his FB profile (it’s public, and he has way over 1k “friends”). He wanted to gchat, and he accepted my linkedin request as well. He’s a good “networker.” He’s passionate about life, and I love that. He is a multi-millionaire (way sort of “out of my league”….or not???), he’s an entrepreneur, and a pretty important executive where he works – and I won’t disclose where that is, but it is a very important place.

    So, I realize none of these things makes him a good “partner.” But he *might* – just might – be a useful contact to have in my “arsenal.”

    Of course – blah – now (maybe because of this post), I’ve gone and commented on something he posted on FB. It was – in his typical style – and innocuous post with *major* sexual undertones. I just love that. And, for the most part, I have read his posts and not commented one bit. (Oh, another reason, I keep him on there is that I love the articles he shares. they are always so interesting and I learn a lot.)

    I have no idea what I ‘want’ from this guy. maybe nothing. He’s just such an interesting person!

    And I feel so tickled that he thought I was interesting enough to spend some time with, even if it was never going to be a “long term” thing. We are just not compatible that way. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be just totally turned on by the fact that he exists, does it? I mean, right?

    I love thinking about how comfortable this guy is with his sexuality, with prosperity, with abundance. His sensuality brings me closer to *my* sensuality.

    Actually, he scares me sometimes. And in some ways, this makes me want to spend more time with him, if only so that I can learn more about the parts of myself that I am afraid of.

    I’ve thought many times about ways to communicate this with him. I haven’t hit on the right way to do it for me yet – or if I even should. But right now, I just like having this guy “there” in a way that is both close and yet distant…

  426.  #427Sweetpea on October 26, 2011 at 11:50 am

    @ 419 –

    I’d say he’s got an escape card. I don’t think there’s any option on POF other than what he DOES NOT WANT. Hmm. That would mean nobody can message him – he has to message them first.

    And that makes me think – yes THINK – scam. I didn’t check out his profile, maybe I will.

  427.  #428Tiffany on October 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

    The thing about online dating profiles an Facebook, I’ve found, is that they seem to create a perception or a feeling of intimacy, where there isn’t any in real life.

    If someone invites you to their facebook page, then suddenly, you have a window to their internal life. You can see who their friends are, what they like, where they go, what they are doing. You can literally see what they are thinking.

    When you read someone online dating profile, you get to see many of their personal details, which, if you were just “dating” in the offline world – like you just met them on the street or something – it would take you several dates to discover.

    So, for me, it’s hard to go on those “first dates” from a website, where they guy is treating it like a “third date” simply because he feels that he knows so much about me already. He doesn’t even have to ask me questions, because he already knows. And he “assumes” that I’ve already accepted him for who he is that I’m “in” just because I’ve read his profile.

    And yet, it doesn’t work that way. A guy can tell me everything he wants. but I still don’t know anything about how I’m going to interact with him until that first meeting in person. So I never treat it like anything but a first date.

    But i think, when I go back and edit my online profile, I’m going to pare it down a lot. because I really hate guys thinking that they know me, just because they’ve read what I have to write about myself.

    I want them to FIND OUT who I am, and see me for who I show myself to be – not who I say I think I am, which is distorted even by my own self-perception.

  428.  #429Tiffany on October 26, 2011 at 11:55 am

    FW – 404

    “every interaction is a voluntary gift, woman to man and man to woman”

    I love this!

  429.  #430Sweetpea on October 26, 2011 at 11:55 am

    @ 423

    The “biz professionals” out there say, if you want to make money, you need to surround yourself with money. i.e. take yourself out to the nicest places, etc. I would say this guy fits that, and as I recall, you are looking to make money. I say, keep him around and see if you can get it to rub off on you.

    Actually, it’s not just the biz professionals, my friend who’s really into personal growth is the first one who told me that. It’s something about getting a feel for the vibe of people like that. I’d rub up against him as much as possible if I were you.

  430.  #431Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    @365: Ella says:
    “…Any thoughts/feelings on this? …”

    Yes. Don’t want to sound harsh but I would not waste time on this guy and provide him free web cam entertainment UNLESS I was seeking casual phone sex or Internet sex hookups. If you are, OK but if you aren’t then not OK.

    I’d concentrate on guys who did not rule me out for “relationships.” The time spent on FWB could be spent setting up coffee dates with real dating prospects.


  431.  #432Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    @422: Ariadne says:
    “…SLV! Maybe he just wants women to look at his pics! Anyways what difference does it make what HE wants?…that is up to the SIREN! LOLZ! Xo A …”

    BTW, hope you enjoyed the video.

    What a siren wants is up to the siren. What a man wants is not up to the siren. We accept or don’t accept what he offers.

    “The difference it makes” is when a man tells us what he wants, it’s a good idea to pay attention. Dating is dating gathering.

    When a man posts that he does NOT want dating or relationships, believing him will save a whole lot of time (and heartache)… unless a woman is seeking friends with benefits… then go for it.


  432.  #433Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    @322: Emerson says:
    “Alias Girl lol, Ariadne, SLV how is it going with the eyelashes??
    I like Britney Spears eyelashes in her video “3″..”

    I’ll check the vid if it’s on YouTube. Thanks.


  433.  #434Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    @330: English Woman says:
    “…#222 SLV
    Well maybe not a river, more like a muddy stream LOL!! Not much decent fishing at the moment, too many sprats and old mackerels.
    Looking for a nice juicy trout or salmon…”

    Juicy trout sounds good. I could probably turn an old mackerel into a juicy trout… with my little “love factory.”


  434.  #435Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    @336: English Woman

    I ditto your opinion on generalizations. I don’t believe my thoughts are the same as my feelings but I often have feelings due to my thoughts and vice versa.

    @340: English Woman

    Asia is still Asia even for the U.S. Even we Americans can’t change that. LOL 😆
    In the U.S. there are many people of Asian ancestry from many countries.


  435.  #436Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    @391: Lyka
    “Ella, you would have to have something to sell, like material things (books, cds, dvds, etc.).
    I don’t believe it would work for your zumba class, unless I’m mistaken…”

    @392: Lyka

    You’re right that is the link for merchants who want to sell their products as a partner of Amazon. But it could work if Ella produced some zumba videos or wrote a book for Kindle display.

    I was thinking the same as BW, that Ella could become an Amazon affiliate and advertise Amazon products (and Amazon partner products) on web site(s). Easier than producing a product for sale on Amazon. I’ll put link below so post doesn’t go into moderation.


  436.  #437English Woman on October 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    #432 SLV

    And lots here too and may we all be the merrier for it. 😀

  437.  #438Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    SLV, yes, I liked the video very much, thank you! I guess what I meant in my comment was that waris6…didn’t seem to be offering too much…dunno? I have learned a lot from you too. Xo A

  438.  #439Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    SLV, yes, I liked the video very much, thank you! I guess what I meant in my comment was that waris6…didn’t seem to be offering too much…dunno? I have learned a lot from you too. Xo A

  439.  #440Ariadne on October 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    SLV, yes, I liked the video very much, thank you! I guess what I meant in my comment was that waris6…didn’t seem to be offering too much…dunno? I have learned a lot from you too. Xo A

  440.  #441Senior Lady Vibe on October 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm


    The people I know who make income with Amazon affiliate sales usually have many, many web sites hosted on their own servers often set up with WordPress software (not the Wordpress site)

    Maybe instead start slow and simple and FREE. I previously suggested Blogger to you because Google (owns Blogger) has an association with Amazon so you will not have a problem using the Blogger platform.

    If you already have a web site you can apply