The Question:

Rori, I’m so deeply in love with a man who’s been my friend for so long, but he’s just trying to be sober (sometimes successful, sometimes not), and won’t date me or be in a relationship.  I know I can help him.  His behavior is weird, and sometimes scary but he’s a great person, and I know he loves me.  Help, please, Susan

Here’s my letter to Susan:

Dear Sara, I read your deep, heartfelt letter completely, and I need you to know this is way beyond what I can do, or any coach can do, by letter.

Your man, who has been your deep friend for so long, is an addict.

To alcohol, and perhaps to drugs you’re not aware of.

His behavior is erratic.

Under detox protocols, and especially if he is in AA, as he should be, he is advised repeatedly not to get involved in a relationship.

This is eating at him, and confusing for him, and he is the deep throes of attempting sobriety.

My advice is plain and simple:  go to Al-Anon.

Find the chapter nearest you and GO to meetings!

Everyone there is an expert and can help you with this.

Here’s what Susan said:

He’s a functional alcoholic he’s attempting home detox with support and love of family.

He told me I was taking advantage of him he’s right. He’s off limits thanks so much Rori. I tried to fight him get away but I put myself in that situation. And I knew he was not sober but still entertained him my need to be a saviour n healer is the issue here. What I need to question WHY. What it’s doing to me.

Whilst I love him I need to work on my core that drove me there and attracted me.

My Answer

Susan,  Your grasp of what I said, even though it was hard and harsh and not soft-soaped, and your acceptance and understanding of the situation – and even his erratic behavior –  is phenomenal, so steady and smart.

If you ever feel like being a healer and savior as a career, go here and let me know.  https://www.coachrori.com/be-a-rori-raye-relationship-coach/

And, to answer your question, women who are naturally loving, kind, smart, giving, helpful, aware of others and in tune with the emotions around them – like me and all my entrepreneur coach friends, are ALL Overfunctioners, rescuers, and instinctively feel drawn to wounded, unavailable, edgy, even angry men.

Once you just “get’ that – fixing it is actually easy.

Really – WAY easier than getting a self-absorbed and rigid pattern loosened up.

Not a day goes by that you won’t have to be aware of what’s going on inside you – and that, to me, is what makes a great life.

Love, Rori

From Susan:

Rori, Thanks this is exactly what I needed to hear I was judging him from Sobriety standards which is wrong.