If He’s Not Assertive – You Surrender Even More To Yourself

Untitled design (14)

Do you find that more and more men seem less and less assertive when it comes even to sex?

Where everything from TV and sports to cell phones and work are getting in the way of even our basic instincts?

The way out of this is for US to get even MORE deeply in touch with our sensuality so we’re radiating a sense of comfort and calm and sensual energy – and then get out there and Circular Date with it!

Surrendering to the earth feels like surrendering to myself.

Often, just walking, I feel startled by how moved I feel.

Sometimes, as soon as I get alone and quiet and moving around and track the tension in my body as it moves around in me – I feel what I might call “sad.”

If that happens for you – try this: Replace the label (sad, mad, glad, afraid) with the word “Moved.”

Say to yourself “I feel moved.”

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Daria on January 2, 2012 at 6:57 am

    often when i surrender to myself ill get a out breath coming out my nose with sound

    like humfff

    its like an explosioun of out breath like a a shake wracks my body

    it felt embarassing and uncomfortable to have people, see hear it

    it happens less now, at first when i started riffing it owuld happen ALL the time really powerfully, like something stuck suddenly pulle dout and

    woomf the breath would blurt out

    it feels like a blurt

    i love me

    i love my blurt

    huhumf i just had some

    and s aigh
    nd smoe giggles

    the giggles feel a lot like it tooo

  2.  #2Daria on January 2, 2012 at 6:59 am

    i feel moved



    it feels like a half laugh coming out involuntarily

    like a brrrr… and it makes me think of an old lady or an old person not really controlling their experssions and stfuff

    and thats cool

    and i wonder if its an ancestor

    ora na energy

    or something for me to learn that this is a gift for me in this

    not bein self conisoucious of thinking im not attractive and worrying about having attention on me and people judging me


  3.  #3Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:02 am

    Sometimes even when I surrender to myself I feel scared

  4.  #4Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Tip for this Monday:

    Sit in a comfortable position. Use every sense you have. Feel your breathing in your chest, face, mouth and throat. You have many ways of sensing energy. It is up to you to pay attention to them. Just be really present and aware of all the energy in your environment. Take a minute to listen to every sound in and outside the room you are in. Become aware of your sense of smell, touch, of the feeling of the clothes on your body, and what you are sitting on. Pay attention to any taste in your mouth (oops, you may need a breath mint ). Close your eyes and think of all the things you have looked at today so far. What pictures stand out for you that you put on your movie screen?

    When you are this present, you also have the ability to sense energy. You sense energy all the time whether you are aware of it or not. As you closed your eyes to think of what you have seen today, you used a process called visualization. The process of visualization can transform energy from negative to positive.

    To do this, you will need to be aware of yourself and be able to clear your mental and emotional set point. You do this by relaxing. Here is a great way to relax. It only takes a moment, and you can do it several times a day when you feel tense or disconnected from yourself.

    Take a deep breath and picture warmth and lightness spreading throughout your body. Mentally go through your body and observe any areas of tension (mental, emotional, physical). Let those areas relax. Practice relaxing yourself at least a few more times throughout the day today.

    Become aware of your body when it tenses up and then do this process.

    Have a great week.

    Much love,

  5.  #5Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:05 am

    My stomach feels grumbly and when I surrender to that and try to say I feel moved it seems I sense the energy in my legs, my arms all over my body even more.

  6.  #6April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:06 am

    I have the opposite ‘problem’ to men being unnassertive.

    One man is coming on so strong. He says he’s losing sleep thinking about me.
    I won’t let him kiss me, because I am already living with someone. I am starting out circular dating, gently feeling my way into my options.

    I feel so soft in this man’s presence. I feel my breath, my heart in my body. I listen to him with deep curiosity. I love looking in his eyes. It thrills me down to my belly.

  7.  #7Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Congrats April Rose. LG post an eletter from Rori on the previous thread where she checked herself into a hotel when she was living with someone so she could cdate for a weekend without him.

  8.  #8T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:11 am

    I heard the words that I have been longing to hear last night, “I love you”. Several times I heard him say it and it didn’t feel scary to say I love you back. OMG, what an amazing night!

    I think the incident that happened last week was a good thing and me giving him his space and acting like a true siren let him figure it out on his own.

    What a great way to start 2012.

  9.  #9April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:16 am

    The man I live with is not so assertive. It seems he lives to work. We both live in the workplace and so I struggle to separate work time and personal time.

    I would like him to take on that effort to separate out our personal life.

    But, just this morning, I got out of the shower and he saw me standing there in just a towel and fluffy pink slippers, smiling at him. He said “Wow, you look cute” He gazed at me for a full five seconds. I did nothing but smile and lean back. Then he started to talk about work. I felt a little shocked, disappointed and turned

    Could I have said ‘I feel moved?”
    I said nothing. Just took myself away from there to go and put lovely lotion on my skin.

  10.  #10April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:17 am

    I don’t feel so good about a man losing sleep over me.
    I worry and wonder “is he obsessed? Toxic? Desperate?”

    He hardly knows me.

  11.  #11Zabrinah's Love Blog on January 2, 2012 at 7:18 am

    There’s nothing less attractive than a PASSIVE guy. At least, for me, there isn’t. There are so many things in this world that are hindering us, not helping us.

    I put technology into that category. Yes, it’s awesome to go on a date to the movies, or talk to him on the phone, however, it would also be fun to go on a nature hike with a guy for a change.

    Doing something out of the ordinary allows your basic instincts to surface. You’d be able to see him for what he truly is–to the core–and vice versa. Traditional dating definitely has its perks, but I think you really get to know someone when you open up and have an adventure that’s a little out of the ordinary.

    Best wishes,


    [your everyday girl, writing about guys]

  12.  #12T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:20 am

    April Rose, to me it sounds like he is in that first phase of attraction. I don’t think it sounds obsessive or toxic.

  13.  #13April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Wow, T-girl.

    That’s gorgeous

  14.  #14T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:22 am

    I feel so free that I am finally able to say the words I love you out loud! I feel like a new chapter in my book has opened.

  15.  #15April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:23 am


    I meant that’s gorgeous that your man said I love you.

  16.  #16April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:25 am


    Thanks for saying that you don’t find my date’s behaviour obsessive or toxic.
    Is there somewhere I can read about the phases of attraction and how a man experiences them?

  17.  #17English Woman on January 2, 2012 at 7:25 am

    #8 T-Girl

    I feel soooo happy for you. 😀

  18.  #18T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:27 am

    April Rose,

    I know I have some saved e-mails from Alexandra Fox that talks about the phases of attraction. I will have to see if I can dig them out and post them later. They are on a different computer.

  19.  #19T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Thank you English Woman! I have bitten my tongue so much wanting to say those words to him first but I can’t even express how it felt to hear him say it on his own!

  20.  #20April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:30 am

    I read that letter Rori wrote about checking into a hotel for a weekend. Brilliant.
    The man she lived with proposed to her soon after that. I suppose she means her now husband.

    I’m not sure I want the man I live with to propose. I actually DO want to do lots of dating, to really be open to the very best man that comes along. I believe from what you’ve shared, that this is what you’re doing. It feels exciting to me, and empowering. I beleive I can have a man with whom I can feel super happy and fulfilled.

  21.  #21Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Good Morning Sirens…

    Great post…once again..

    if a man is not assertive…I feel certain that he will stay at the end of the CD line 🙂

    S only seemed to like sex at 3 am…I expressed that I did not want to do it at that time…he said well that’s when he’s the horniest…yuck!! I asked if that’s when he’s always done it..he said yes…then he gets up and goes to work..(all about him here)

    I feel sad and moved for those women…who were there…he would get up and leave them…I feel disgusted…I NEVER did because it didn’t feel good to me..I feel happy that I took care of me…I didn’t give in


    I completely ended things with S…then last night I get a text saying that he NEEDS closure and what can he do better next time?

    I expressed what Zara said…that we was supposed to protect my things and watch out for me not be the intruder and enemy…and that a man who does not kiss is a man who f^&ks and doesn’t make love…

    he responded that a woman has never said anything that clear to him before and that he agrees and that I will know of his love when our lips meet again!!!

    me???? I did not respond…no there will not be any meeting up or of lips!!

  22.  #22Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:34 am

    T-Girl…whup whup!! that’s me giving out a holla!! 🙂 yay…I can feel your happiness through the internet 🙂

  23.  #23April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Go Jilly,

    You just gave me a belly laugh!!!

    “there will be no meeting up of lips!!!”

    You rock!

  24.  #24Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:38 am

    April Rose…#6

    I don’t think it’s toxic either…men can come on really strong in the beginning…let him love you up…as long as it feels good… 🙂

    and just one thing…OF COURSE he’s losing sleep duh…you’re a siren…it can’t be helped 😉

  25.  #25T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Jilly, that last sentence he wrote made me feel a little scared. I hope he will go away and not keep pestering you since now you are something that he can’t have which seems to highten their attraction.

    But good for you. You took care of yourself of what you don’t want. I love what you told him.

  26.  #26Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:40 am

    T-Girl T-Girl T-Girl T-Girl woo hoo

  27.  #27T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Thank you Jilly! It only took him 8 months to realize it but hurray!!!! I am going to mark this date on my calendar lol.

  28.  #28Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:42 am

    T-Girl…I know..I was like,”really???” That’s what you got out of that?? lol

  29.  #29T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:44 am

    I love being a siren!!!

  30.  #30Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:45 am

    but it’s funny now to me when someone wants “closure” because having been here, we know closure is over-rated…

    anywho…I had a GREAT date with E yesterday…he is yummy!! And a gentlemen…to be continued…. 🙂 and he has boundaries…

  31.  #31Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Jilly I absolutely love that you expressed that. I absolutely loved that you did not respond. I absolutely loved that he expressed that to you so now you know you can say anything to a man and feel comfortable doing. I am sure that you are now more aware, more intimate with yourself and more ready to meet your Mr. Right. Should you by any chance pick up your phone when he calls again tell him closure is overrated and try to stay your most calm and sireny self, no anger maybe even playful. A cat plays with a mouse before the kill. Bad analogy I know but staying soft on the outside and strong on the inside no matter what a man is doing or saying is the goal here. I feel so proud of you for sharing that story, though it was very vulnerable, getting feedback and actually incorporating the feedback into your life. You are brave.

  32.  #32Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:47 am

    I’m going to go back to yesterday’s blog and catch up 🙂

  33.  #33Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Jilly you might also share with S that you got ahead of yourself there. I was also encourage you to take it slowly from here on. You know there is no need to hurry. A relationship takes 3-5 months to develop. I would encourage you to follow Starla’s and Mel’s example and hold off on sex for as long as you feel possible for you. I would encourage you to take it beyond a month. Just make sure you feel good about doing when you do.

  34.  #34T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Can’t wait to hear what develops with E!

    J had boundaries too….that is a good quality in a man and one that I found rare. I think that is the main reason I gave him a chance since he wasn’t my type. He was different then all the other men I dated.

  35.  #35Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 7:51 am

    RE 19 Yep April Rose. I have made all kinds of mistakes in my life because of the unconscious fear of intimacy so I am taking my power back and really trying this Rori Raye way.

  36.  #36Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:51 am

    FW….thank you!!! and thank you for being you and giving your input and supporting me in my dreams and visions 🙂 It felt really good to read your post. Yes..it felt good to express myself honestly to him and not worry about hurting his feelings. That was through texting..I want to be strong enough to express myself just as honestly over the phone and in person…babysteps…

  37.  #37Brenda on January 2, 2012 at 7:53 am

    My imaginary friend stayed overnight after we went out to a bar last night. Good time was had by all.

  38.  #38Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I am…I want to take it slower and not get ahead of myself before we even know each other…

    E is the perfect practice too…lol..

    He practices the religion that I grew up in…I’m not practicing religion anymore so I’m not sure how that will play out…but anywho I would rather someone be that religion than any others for me to date…since it’s so familiar to me…but being physical before marriage is discouraged…so ….I won’t be the only one “trying” to hold off 🙂

  39.  #39Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Brenda…wahoo!! 🙂

  40.  #40Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 8:00 am

    April Rose from what I read from Alexandra Fox and I believe Carol Allen and CCarter, the stages of attraction are:-

    1. Physical – which is what he is going through right now

    2. Intellectual – where you express your preferences, boundaries, your values and standards. Where you show you respect and value yourself and he still feels attracted to you and starts to admire your personality. He will say things like you are beautiful but it has nothing to do with your looks.

    3. Emotional – which I believe is all about feelings where you are authentic and vulnerable. He is inspired and feel safe to share that part of himself with you.

    This is a quick synopsis of how I understand it.
    CCarter says when you shortcircuit his emotional process by going for the belt buckle for first you might end up being unable to get him to the final commitment you want or it will be like pulling teeth all the way. I have seen other coaches express it this way too.

    Just remember that all men are not at the same stage of their lives where they want relationship. Some don’t, they just want to have a good time and if you are willing to ask questions like “so why aren’t you married yet” at the first or second date it is likely you will learn a lot about the man because at that stage they “are willing to tell you anything”. They are not invested in anything and will be honest.

  41.  #41lilybelly on January 2, 2012 at 8:00 am


    This is awesome, T-Girl! YAY!!!!! Sharing in your excitement with you!

  42.  #42T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Brenda – I feel so sad that you sound so hostile now to the women here who care about you very much. What you are expressing now is all you…putting words in our mouths. Hostile. I wonder if that is how you treat everyone that cares about you when they tell you something you don’t want to hear.

  43.  #43Brenda on January 2, 2012 at 8:02 am


    Thanks for your concern. We weren’t drinking and driving. I got “one” drink, and the bartender apparently put about 3 shots in it, cuz I got beyond buzzed! I got drunk! So Ryan drove. My car.

    And then he stayed overnight.

  44.  #44T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Thank you Lilybelly!!

  45.  #45April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:05 am

    I asked why he’s never been married – he’s 52 – and he said he never found ‘the one’ he wanted that commitment with.

    Then he jokingly said his previous women (his relationships have lasted between 4 to 20 years) have all been ‘battleaxes’!

  46.  #46T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 8:05 am

    39 FW, thank you for posting that. It is exactly what I was referring to. I think Jonathan Aslay has his own wording too but they are all basically the same.

  47.  #47Brenda on January 2, 2012 at 8:08 am


    RE: #41 – I’m sorry, I don’t meant to sound hostile. I am actually smiling with tongue in cheek as I write about my adventures with my imaginary friend. And I am doing it more out of hurt than hostility, and I only feel hurt by FW.

    But like I said last night, I give forgiveness and grace to the harshness I felt from FW.

    It feels so wonderful to have him at my house again!!! This is the first time he has come to my house since fall of 2009!!!!!! I am not saying we had sex last night or slept together, because I’m not gonna lie and pretend we did. I have a guest room. But the fact is he came to my house! And we are having a time of healing and also joking around!

    I felt stuff brewing between us that was positive. And it is just so complex after a long term relationship that I didn’t know how to put it in words that I felt peace in the works.

    I am sorry if that came across as hostile. I don’t want to come across that way. I do want to come across playful, and it would feel good to have an apology from FW about saying I made a fool of myself.

    Please forgive me. I love you all!

  48.  #48Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Maybe they were mostly maculine energy women April Girl but I would not become exclusive with him. I would wonder why would he treat me any different than he treated the other women. I also have read from CCarter that some people are serial monogamists. He might have had commitment issues because he could not handle the masculine energy from women but I believe you hedge you bets even better if you only include him in your rotation and really practice the tools with him not assuming that you can change him in any way. You will be practicing to see how he responds to them and if he is ready for pair bonding and can really do the relationship dance. This one I believe I would definitely let him know that there are other men in the picture.

  49.  #49April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Does anyone else have a terror of marriage?

    I have only dared to consider it as an option for myself in the last six months, since working with Rori’s tools and hearing her being so pro-marriage.

    My main worry is a fear of getting trapped or stuck with someone who turns out to be ‘wrong’. Even if a guy is doing lots of great things while dating, there’s no guarantee that he will continue once married. Is there?

  50.  #50lilybelly on January 2, 2012 at 8:12 am


    Nicely done, Jilly. I loved how you took care of yourself with “S” and that part about not kissing…that one should go in to the Siren handbook.


  51.  #51T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 8:14 am

    J has been here since Friday and I am downstairs in my dining room and he is upstairs snoring. Never before have I loved the sound of snoring as I do now.

  52.  #52April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Thanks for *39 phases of attraction.

    How would you know if a man is ready for pair bonding and can really do the relationship dance?

  53.  #53T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 8:16 am

    48 April Rose, I have been married before for 20 years but your fear is the exact one I have now for if I ever want to get married again.

    But I do know there is another layer in the relationship that you get while married that you don’t get with dating that is wonderful too. Hopefully someday I will be in that place to want the next layer.

  54.  #54April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:17 am


    Long may you continue to love the sound of snoring 🙂

  55.  #55T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Uh oh…snoring stopped. Better get off computer now 🙂

  56.  #56April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:21 am

    “There is another layer of relationship that you get to experience while married…..”
    I feel intrigued.
    I would like to experience that. Aaagh, did I just say that? Did the Universe notice that I just said that?…


  57.  #57LushOasis on January 2, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Interesting thought topic. I feel excited being out in nature … trail walks, the way the earth smells after a rain storm, watching wildlife (deer, squirrels, rabbits, birds, fish, butterflies, etc.). Now that the seasons have turned, I feel miserable — scratch that — I feel ‘moved’ because I am not able to go on the trail walks and its too cold to open the windows in the house when it rains because the temperatures are too cold.

    I feel excited that the seasons will change again (quickly, I hope) where the temperatures and weather will be more favorable for outdoor activities. 🙂

    @T-Girl #8 — I feel excited for the good news! Congratulations. I wish you and he continued relationship growth. ~~Hugs~~

    @Brenda — I feel saddened by the messages recently and wish you all the best on your journey.

  58.  #58TiaraDiva on January 2, 2012 at 8:35 am

    I feel lost. It seems that all of my postings under my new 2012 name “LushOasis” are going to moderation.

    In reading the posts, I am not aware of any ‘trigger’ keywords that would route my posts to moderation, outside of the new name “LushOasis”.

    Do you have any recommendations to change the name to something similar that won’t trigger moderation?


  59.  #59April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:38 am

    FW *47,

    I just remembered something else he told me. Up until very recently he has never been single for longer than three weeks!

    This startled me. I felt an alarm bell.

    I have started seeing him as he goes six months into being single. I do feel he has an urgency to get hooked up. I feel turned off by that.

  60.  #60Starla on January 2, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Hi Sirens,
    Starla here, reporting for Team Lean Back:)

  61.  #61April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:41 am


    I think it’s just coz of the new name. It takes a wee while for Rori to check it out and let it through.

  62.  #62Brenda on January 2, 2012 at 8:42 am


    What a cool new name! It will be in moderation until Rori releases the new name.

  63.  #63Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 8:45 am

    1. Brenda when I expressed myself saying “A few posts ago you suggested that people might be thinking that you are making a fool of yourself. I felt compassion towards you and thought no you are not making a fool of yourself you are doing the best you know how. However, today listening to the tape I had to conclude that yes you are making a fool of yourself. When we clearly know what we should do and then go against it then yes we are making a fool of ourselves. For years I did that and did not understand why the men were running away from me. Now I know and I respect and honor myself too much to throw myself at any man again or throw my love out of myself towards any of them that is not absolutely falling over himself to be with me. Everytime my mind drifts towards any man now I ask myself what am I doing. All that energy I can put it into my own body to heal myself. That attention I can put on myself to move the energy around in stuck places and frozen places in my body. If I can put all that energy on a man why can’t I put it on myself?” I was expressing my truth and how I was experiencing the situation as you describe it and looking at it through of the filter of what I am learning from Rori.
    When I read your words “ And I am willing to look like a fool, because I am internally deep, deep in thought trying to figure out how to outsmart him. And I can’t expect anyone to agree or understand what I am talking about.
    1. “I will confirm that it’s just a friendship. He is not in love with me. I will confirm that it’s just a friendship. He is not in love with me.
    Those were his words the day of his fake proposal in July 2009. Those are the words that burn my soul like fire, like my own love being a cruel sword piercing my heart.
    1. He is not interested in me as a girlfriend or a wife. Yea, I get it. have said it in the past, but I am in love with him, and I don’t regret keeping him in my life.
    2. It’s cool. I can understand how people would think I have gone off the deep end”

    Those were the thoughts that ran through my head so that is my truth that I will not apologize about. If you feel hurt by my words, only you can take care of that for yourself.

  64.  #64English Woman on January 2, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I have picked a new name but don’t want to go into moderation just yet, I can’t do the avatar thingie either because of my sloooooow internet connection it keeps timing out.

    I thought I would join you ladies, in new names and avatars for the New Year. 😀

  65.  #65Jenny on January 2, 2012 at 8:47 am

    The word “I feel moved” is very strong, and I love it. Sometimes it is hard to name the feeling, so “moved” is perfect. I can sometimes feel stuck in naming the feeling – I can feel something, but I cant really grasp exactly what.

    I have talked about Feeling Message with my terapy…an older man. And he said something like this:

    “I think it is a good way for you to sort out “bad” men, bad men will not respond to it. I think a lot of men is emotionally starved – they crave feelings, but cant get it. So I can really imagine most men totelly love it, when you speak and write in that feeling way”

  66.  #66Starla on January 2, 2012 at 8:47 am

    I really like this article. I also like all of the ideas and feelings the title alone inspired.

    Surrender to yourself even more. That’s my job. Not to tell him to be more assertive (aka masculine). Telling a man to be more assertive is one of the most masculine things we can do in a relationship, as women. I cringe thinking about this bad habit of mine. I’ve done it with every man I’ve ever been with, except my very first boyfriend. I wonder what happened with him that “changed” that about me forever. Hmmm

  67.  #67Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 8:50 am

    April Rose I would encourage you to go deep into your emotional memory to see what that alarm bell might have been saying to you. These are the little things we ignore early on and as Rori says in Reconnect are bodies are not wrong. Our feelings are our maps that guide us through the world.

  68.  #68Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Me too Starla but one guy actually played with it almost every time he saw me. He had a way of talking that felt feminine so I kind of suggested that he talk more masculine. He was the one who kept on greeting me with “how are you friend” everytime we spoke. I got so pissed at him I told him “don’t call me no da**mn” friend after finding Rori. He was shocked at my anger but handled it playfully. We are still great friends to this day.

  69.  #69Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 8:55 am

    TiaraDiva that happened to me once and when I checked I had typed in my email address incorrectly also. I take it that is not your issue though.

  70.  #70Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 8:57 am

    RE 55 April Rose do you believe you deserve that? Do you have an unconscious vow to be invisible?

  71.  #71April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I love the following sentiment that FW expressed in her message to Brenda.

    I would like to put it forward as the motto for Team Leanback (I’d like to join too, please, Starla)

    Anyway, here it is:
    I know and I respect and honor myself too much to throw myself at any man or throw my love out of myself towards any of them that is not absolutely falling over himself to be with me.

  72.  #72Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:00 am

    RE 51 April Rose you just know. You feel it on the inside. The way you feel about yourself in his presence. His actions towards you. He constantly calls even if you aren’t, he is constantly finding ways to spend time with you, he speaks about the future with you. He particularly initiates the speech about the future without any prompting from you – which is the reason I love leaning back. If I don’t put anything out there he has nothing to reflect back to me.

  73.  #73April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:02 am

    The alarm bell said to me that he can’t function without a woman around. That he leans on a woman.
    Co-dependent issues?
    It felt unsexy.

  74.  #74April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Then again, it also said to me “wow, this guy WANTS relationship”

  75.  #75Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:04 am

    April Rose I believe both a correct. Now I would check in with myself to see what about it that appealed to me, especially the co-dependency part.

  76.  #76Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Codependency kind of suggests a thinking that the man needs me to “do” something or other for him so he can love me. He can just love me for who I am so I can’t just “be” worthy of love. Love that I deserve and that is abundant in the Universe.

  77.  #77April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:08 am

    It appealed to me because I figured he would ‘stick’ and not run.
    It appeals to me because I believe I can do a better job than his previous women. I can be feminine and heal myself and he will benefit too.

  78.  #78April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Yeah the doing that I need to do, is actually just *being*.
    If I can just be, then he can DO.
    We sirens have the power to give a man his masculine role back.

  79.  #79Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:12 am

    April Rose this “I believe I can do a better job than his previous women” is what is telling about your beliefs. Rori in Reconnect even suggests that we can be arrogant enough to think that we can get him even though others failed. We believe that our outpouring of love can save him and she says it never works. Most of the times that is what we have been taught and seen played out all our lives so it is not our fault.

  80.  #80lilybelly on January 2, 2012 at 9:13 am


    I have been trying to catch up after having been gone for three days but want you to know that I saw your post to Liz re: me and my journey.

    I felt and became teary eyed when I read what you said to her about me. Thank you.


  81.  #81Starla on January 2, 2012 at 9:13 am

    76 april rose

    “We sirens have the power to give a man his masculine role back.”

    we sooooo do.

    it makes me feel angry sometimes though.

  82.  #82Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:14 am

    You are welcome Lilybelly. You deserve the very best and I really feel proud of people who at least try to give themselves the very best chance at what they want. Love to you Lil.

  83.  #83April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:15 am

    I am arrogant, yes!
    The man I live with is besotted with me (in his feminine way)
    He constantly assures me that I am only one of two women he has never cheated on.

    I am special (core belief).

  84.  #84lilybelly on January 2, 2012 at 9:17 am


    YES! These are all excellent examples of how to tell.


    T is this man.

  85.  #85lilybelly on January 2, 2012 at 9:18 am

    And much love to you, FW….

  86.  #86April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:18 am

    79 Starla,

    I feel angry too. That the world is hurtling towards more and more masculinised energy. The downside of feminism caused me to try to prove myself in a masculine way.
    What it should have done was to honour the feminine in an equal way.

  87.  #87April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:21 am

    I have a very competitive side. It’s part of my masculine energy. How can I get it onside with my feminine desires?

  88.  #88Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:22 am

    I thought this was an interesting article so I am sharing:-

    That’s an interesting question. This question is asked at least millions of times per day across the globe. Many times the question “How are you?” passes from employee to customer without even being noticed.

    Strangers might not even hear the question. Those who notice the question, most frequently answer wit a commonly expected response: “Fine” or “Good.”

    It’s an automatic response that is avoids connection and/or potential confrontation. I know at least for me, there used to be a little voice in the back of my mind that said, “They don’t REALLY care how I am. She was just being nice. It’s her job at the store to ask those questions.”

    Sometimes that was true. I could sense that the person didn’t care. But that doesn’t change the fact that a part of me was afraid to engage the other person. What did it matter? We’d only talk for 10 seconds anyway. Why bother being open and vulnerable?

    It wasn’t until a few years ago that I decided to make my best conscious effort to answer “How are you?” honestly. Some days that means I’m wonderful, delighted, having a great day, or simply feeling well.

    Other days, I answer more somberly. For example, I’ll tell people that I am “Tired,” “Sad,” “Very upset” or “I’m having a really difficult day, week, month or holiday season.” Most of the time people don’t know how to respond to that.

    Answering “How are you?” candidly is out of the norm. Unexpected. Vulnerable. All the things that people usually try to avoid (consciously or subconsciously). The thing is, when we answer unconsciously with socially expected and accepted responses, we become robbers.

    We rob the other person of the opportunity to engage with the world in a more alive way. We rob ourselves of that same opportunity. We also rob ourselves of living presently, consciously, and authentically.

    We rob ourselves and others of the opportunity to make new friends, new connections, share our experiences and insights, and most importantly – share our our humanity.

    It is risky to be vulnerable. Part of us fears rejection. Part of us worries about what the other person will think if we were REALLY candid about how we are. Those are normal aspects of our social survival instincts. It’s the pack mentality that says “If I don’t conform to what I think others expect of me, I might not get what I want. I might be rejected. I might not survive.”

    It doesn’t just happen in supermarkets and stores though. This is most readily seen in social functions with family, friends, coworkers. It happens in almost every walk of life where “How are you?” is a frequent question.

    In those contexts most people rarely answer honestly. “Good” and “great” become coverups for the real inner thoughts like “My life is in total shambles and I’m grateful just to be out of the house. Would you please pour me a glass of that wine?”

    Being open and candid is not easy. Few of us were given working examples, the tools, and the support to be vulnerable, authentic, and candid. Fortunately, every day we have an opportunity to change that in a safe way.

    Where and how?

    The supermarket 🙂

    Next time somebody asks you “How are you?” pause for a brief moment and answer honestly. See how the moment unfolds. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but I guarantee you this: Do it enough times, and you will experience ever increasing degrees of inner freedom and peace.


    Because you’re no longer silencing the true essential nature of yourself that WANTS to be authentic and connect with others… even if it be for just a brief moment.

    Your Partner In Transformation,
    Chris Cade
    Liberate Your Life

  89.  #89Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Use the competitiveness in the marketplace/at work. Notice when the competitiveness crop up in your romantic relationships – such as having to have the last word, showing the man more affection than he is giving you, arguments and find a way to shutting those down, is what I would say.

  90.  #90April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 9:24 am

    FW *77

    “Rori in Reconnect suggests that we can be arrogant enough to think that we can get him even though others failed. We believe that our outpouring of love can save him and she says it never works”

    I believe that the *IN*pouring of love to myself saves ME, and heals HIM.

    What do you think?

  91.  #91Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 9:26 am

    He has to choose and want that healing. Some men drift away because they recognize that their lights will never shine as brightly as ours. Can’t remember which coach I heard saying that in one of Rori’s interviews.

  92.  #92Jenny on January 2, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Ok today I for the first time did something that felt scary.

    A man wrote to me on a dating site:


    So I just responded with: “:)” (need to think about a better thing to write…but I also dont like to write more then men do.)

    So he wrote back: “;)”

    So I just deleted the letter – it does feel rude in a way, course, I have been thought to allways respond, being polite – but argh, what in the world is I’m suppose to answer? 😛 So I just deleted the letter. So next baby step here I guess…stop responding when a man just give me an “:)”
    It feels good and a littel bit scary -but what the heck, this man I feel no so what ever, bound to…so good practice 😛

  93.  #93Lush_Oasis on January 2, 2012 at 9:32 am

    @AprilRose #59
    @ Brenda #60
    @FW #67

    Thank you for the support. I feel some relief knowing my name change isn’t really triggering the alarm bells (err .. I hope not anyway). I’ll continue posting with the new name and hope that the Oasis is really a cozy resting spot 🙂 and that once the messages are released that the post #s aren’t too far off.

    FW — about typing the email address wrong … I would hope that I didn’t do such a thing, but I wouldn’t feel surprised if I made an error here or there either. How silly.


    Now then … I was having a conversation with my Mom the other day about how I felt uncomfortable driving to meet the CD that wanted to tour the big town. She questioned me why all the men couldn’t just come get the girl like they used to do.

    I joked with her and stated that most of the “men with manners” are in the older generation (meaning her age group in context to the conversation) with different mindsets than the age group that continues to insist I drive to meet them (referencing the age group that is more suiting – in numbers – to my generation.

    No offense intended to anyone for any reason in regards to that comment; just my perception that the younger generations and society seem to have gotten too busy to “teach” their children how to mind their manners.

    My mom just sat there for a bit and then said … well, so? What happened to them?

    Gee mom, I don’t know …


  94.  #94jan thurmond on January 2, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Why is always the woman who puts forth the effort, my husband does not seen intrested in doing anything except being at home

  95.  #95jan thurmond on January 2, 2012 at 9:38 am

    At 73 and in good health and good looks my husband is a dud at relationships

  96.  #96Starla on January 2, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Now I am reporting for Team Eat Something Already (Hi LG). I have been in bed for 2 hours thinking about how painfully hungry i am, not wanting to move out of bed because I feel weak with hunger, LOL eat something already Starla

    I have a frozen breakfast entree tofu scramble with potatoes thing. Going to eat it right now.

    And I’m going to make myself some tea, too:)

  97.  #97Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Lush – Arielle Ford teaches that this type of belief “men with manners” are in the older generation” is an unconscious internal barrier that we use to block out love.

  98.  #98Dominique on January 2, 2012 at 10:07 am

    April Rose – You don’t have to get married if it doesn’t feel right to you, AND you can still have the relationship YOU want, loving and committed.

    I think T-Girl and I had this discussion before.

    If he’s your man, the relationship does NOT get boring. The sex gets better and better. Everything continues to become more intimate and profound.

    And you get to continue your healing in his presence, a truly wonderful and wondrous gift.


  99.  #99April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 10:10 am

    That’s what I want, Dominique!!!


  100.  #100Emerson on January 2, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Hi Sirens.
    I felt “sad” and “moved” reading what Rori wrote about feeling sad when she goes walking…I feel that way too but I also feel a relief like time by myself to think about stuff and be alone.

  101.  #101Lush_Oasis on January 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

    @FW #93

    Interesting feedback. Thanks! I feel intrigued by these “block” concepts and have seen a lot of posts for chakras and tapping and manifesting and altering the energy around negative sources and perceptions, etc.

    I checked her websites out, and feel intrigued by the resources available, but my financial situation is limited to spend that much at this moment. (I know … the financial strain is also another energy field / perception that I need to eliminate to bring financial stability and income in my life, too).

    I feel bad that its taken this many years for me to be told that “men with manners” belief is an internal barrier. Its like self-sabotage almost, huh? Geez.

    I have so much work to be done …. weeeeeeeeee.

    Thanks, FW 🙂

  102.  #102April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

    “The sex gets better and better”

    Really? Is it possible?
    I thought it was just a dream.

  103.  #103Emerson on January 2, 2012 at 10:12 am

    48 April Rose
    That is exactly how I feel. I feel scared that I won’t have choices of what I want to do, I am beginning to open up to the idea of marriage now more than before since being on the blog and doing Rori stuff.

    94 Thanks Dominique for your comment, I recall you stating that before and I keep that with me….

  104.  #104Emerson on January 2, 2012 at 10:14 am

    FW I wanted to share with you that I woke up this morning with so many NVs (they like to run around my room and wake me up-so unpleasant!)
    So I did what you mentioned in the past and I kept telling myself over and over:
    “I deeply and profoundly accept and love myself”

    It felt weird at first like I wanted to cry a lil bit and also like I didn’t believe it, but then I kept doing it, realizing it was just me, myself and I listening to my thoughts. And it did help me,,,I am still saying it to myself now as I get ready for my day.

  105.  #105FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Thank you, ladies….for talking about wanting to be loved for “just you.” Not for anything you do or can do for him—but JUST for YOU. I wonder what that feels like….

    I’m so torn. Bf and I had made plans that we could save the house ‘together’ and I was so excited about it and there seemed nothing wrong with us both having a part in it…both contributing toward the goal. (And I have contributed all my extra money, savings, etc. ALL.)

    But now…it’s bothering me SO much that he seems to have no interest in me other than when/whether I’m going to move in with him. I am so very sad to realize this. I’m usually very busy (and so is he) so it didn’t really “hit” me like this until very recently.

    I feel like I have no real value to him outside of the financial contribution I could make if I lived there. I can’t even think of it as an investment, because it would only be an investment in someone else’s (his) life and future.

    Even after talking about it (which I should NEVER have even brought up—but according to Toxic Men, he is borderline ‘clueless/difficult’–so telling him what bothered me seemed like the right thing to do at the time) he has no intention of doing anything to ensure me of any type of security…nor is he willing to take the exgf’s name (who has been some other man’s wife for over a decade) off as beneficiary. I’m not asking for the world, here. Just some basic respect and consideration.

    And there is no talking about this (or anything) since he’s in such a foul mood and makes everything and anything seem so trivial compared to “his situation” (losing the house.) It’s not that I don’t understand how serious that is….I really do…but that canNOT be the ONLY reason I give up what life I have and go there.

    I read about you Sirens and how men just fall all over you and pursue you and come to where you are just to be with you and want to spend all their free time with you and want to help you do things…and I feel sick to my stomach. Since I moved out (2 years ago this May) he has never ONCE come here to my house unless there was something he needed/wanted. Not once.

    He does all the calling (every day) and making some plans (very far and few between)…but that’s probably just to make sure I’m still around. I’m very independent and always have something going on (lots of interests and things I enjoy) so it didn’t really feel so bad that we didn’t see a lot of each other. (Especially after the ring and him saying he wanted to marry me….)

    But now I’m looking at this whole thing (being the observer/witness) and I just feel really ICKY inside. Nauseous…like I want to vomit. What a fool I am. Honestly…why couldn’t I see this before now?

    Ok….I did feel yukky about things from time to time, but I was so not ready to face it. I guess I just leaned on my old friend ‘denial’ and kept going. Bam! That brick wall hurts when you slam into it.

    I know I’ll have to heal whatever it is inside me that’s been telling me I don’t deserve anyone who would ‘really’ care about me or actually want to spend time with me, listen to me, talk to me. How can I think I’ve been doing so well and think I’ve come so far….when I’m still stuck in the muck and seaweed and feeling like a few ‘crumbs’ (necessary to keep me around) is a whole nutritious loaf with some to spare?

    I’m sadder than sad….BUT, at least I still have my life, here. I still have my own place and a wee bit of dignity left…

    I’ll probably be posting a lot more now. I’ll be a needy Siren-in-training. That will be a lot better than being a needy over-functioner who gives away every speck of energy and/or love that I should be giving/keeping for myself. No wonder I feel empty inside….

    Ouch. Ouch. And ouch…. 🙁

  106.  #106April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 10:21 am

    99 Emerson,

    I also worry that I will fail, and lose my way. That I’ll upset the dynamic and close off. Then I’ll look for another man to ‘try again’ with. My cycle so far, I suppose.

  107.  #107Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Big hugs. But you don’t get to beat yourself up. Think about the options you have.

  108.  #108April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 10:25 am


    Thanks. For saying what’s going on with you, and what you are seeing about yourself and your situation. I’m feeling a strength in you and a great respect for you.

  109.  #109Starla on January 2, 2012 at 10:27 am

    i have a date to go hiking in an hour with Alaska.

    i felt guilty, but that said to me i should just go.

  110.  #110Starbright on January 2, 2012 at 10:28 am


    Hugs to you!

    I don’t understand why he would want his ex gf who has been married for ten years to someone else as his beneficiary. And, that you have contributed in the past and would be expected to do that if you moved back in does feel very icky to me!

    Post to the blog as much as feels good to you!

  111.  #111Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Featured Topic: Make Him Emotionally Dependent On You

    Whenever you hear the word “dependency,” most of us think in terms of some form of addiction or disease. It tends to imply something that should be avoided, fixed, or terminated. Most individuals with dependencies are those with addictive personalities, and thus rely on others to meet their needs and fulfill their responsibilities. That’s
    certainly not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with, or aspire to become.

    What if I told you that making a man emotionally dependent on you was a good thing? In fact, what if I could convince you that a man wants to be emotionally dependent on his woman?

    The truth is that men enjoy being charmed by a woman and enjoy doing things to make her happy. As farfetched as this might sound, I promise you that most men view a relationship with a woman as a prize. A woman has the ability to take away a man’s pain and make him feel powerful at the same time. This happens when a woman does these two things:

    1) She Puts Her Heart Ahead of Any Man

    Some women mistake this for acting like a spoiled brat but it’s actual quiet appealing to men. When a client asks me, “How do I put my heart ahead of a man?” I explain it this way. Imagine you had a small child walking around with you wherever you went. Let’s pretend that small child is actually your Heart. Let’s also pretend that it was your job to protect this small child (your heart).

    Now, if a man was rude to this child what would you do? Ignore his bad behavior because he’s really cute? Tell the little girl that it’s her fault…because he’s really cute? Oh I hope not!

    Hopefully you’d defend her. You’d leave with the little girl, or tell the guy to stop. You’d do something. Yet so many women tolerate bad behavior from a guy because he’s really cute (sexy, hot, etc.). They put the guy ahead of their heart which actually makes him think of her not as special, but rather pitiful. Ladies, it’s never a good idea to put any man ahead of your own heart. Please resist any urge to do so and learn how to put your heart first.

    2) She is Easy to Please

    This may sound like a contradiction, but it’s really not. When a woman puts her heart first it keeps her from becoming resentful. She doesn’t tolerate bad behavior which means she isn’t resentful toward the man she loves. Conflicts occur, but they are talked about and solved instead of ignored.

    Because she isn’t full of resentment, she is naturally easy to please. When her man does something she enjoys, she doesn’t just say “thanks” but rather gives an emotional response. For example, the wonderful dinner wasn’t just “nice” it was “Wonderful!”

    When he offers to help her she doesn’t say “thank you” she says “That makes me feel special when you help me like that.” When a man feels he can arouse a wonderful woman’s emotions, he’ll become emotionally dependent on that woman and be willing to do almost anything to please her”.

    Got this from Bob Grant

  112.  #112Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Whenever something like this comes up, no matter how little or big feeling, I want you bring it back to you. This is VERY important. It’s easier to look elsewhere for feeling this way. But truly it’s coming from within YOU. Yes someone may have said or done something which seems to have triggered these feelings, BUT if it wasn’t something within you that needed healing, it would not have had this kind of effect.

    Here’s a small example of this. If you find yourself thinking that your man seems weird, off, or distant from you, ask yourself if maybe it’s YOU who is feeling weird, off, or has withdrawn, and you have projected this onto him. Feel around this carefully before dismissing this notion.


  113.  #113Liz on January 2, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Good afternoon

    I meditated this morning with a group of people for new years and an awareness hit me like a brick! I have been in masculine energy/overfunctioning mode my entire life, in every male-female interaction and female-female interaction to make up for the belief that I am unlovable….

  114.  #114LILI 41 on January 2, 2012 at 10:48 am


    FW, April Rose:

    Do I ever get that!

    I was arrogant enough to think that I would be better for him than his exes.
    In fact, they were all labelled to be jealous and possessive by his friends and family.

    I ended up getting the same treatment they got, no better. Now I am the jealous gf.

    My arrogance was a form of judgement.
    Remember, when we judge someone else, it deflects from that very thing we have in us.
    If we judge someone for being jealous, then we have jealousy within ourselves.

    I have been noticing for years that everytime I judge someone, either by labelling them or thinking I am better, I end up in their shoes.

  115.  #115Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Lili41 Welcome back. Hope you enjoyed the holiday festivities. Been missing your energy here. Wishing you the very best and more healing during this New Year. I feel so happy that you are back.

  116.  #116Rori Raye on January 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

    jan – read “He’s Just Not That Into It AnyMore….” by Bob Berkowitz. It’ll give you some ideas for what you can do in an emotional sense to re-interest your husband. And we women have to go first because we’re the only ones talking here! Love, Rori

  117.  #117Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2012 at 11:01 am

    “I feel moved.”

    I like that! At the moment I’m simply “moving” from the previous thread where I posted because I thought I’d caught up…

    Anyway good resource link included! So here it is again.

    A new year, new things… and sometimes old things revisited in new ways!

    1123: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @534: Jilly says:
    “…SLV…thank you …”

    You’re very welcome.
    Warm wishes for a happy, happy 2012
    @971: FlowerChild77

    I sent a response earlier but some posts didn’t show up. Take care of yourself. Happy new year!

    You might like to explore this real estate investment site during the new year. I’ve not used it lately but there is usually plenty of creative financing and other info in the forums.
    –>Creative Real Estate Online


    Monday, 2 January 2012 @ 10:10am

  118.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2012 at 11:03 am

    @64: English Woman says:
    “…I thought I would join you ladies, in new names and avatars for the New Year…”

    I’ll look for you…


  119.  #119Starla on January 2, 2012 at 11:08 am

    oooh good job starla, you are CDing for real. go for it, girl. you’re not married. you can do whatever you want. it’s YOUR future. CF knows the no girlfriend thing. do your thing, starla.

  120.  #120FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 11:16 am

    #108/FW…So are you saying that his behavior is ok and that if I was healthier/more together/loved myself more that it wouldn’t bother me that he has no interest in being around me or spending time with me?

    I’m really confused when it comes to identifying bad/unacceptable behavior from him and knowing the difference between that—–and “my stuff.”

    I am not angry or resentful toward him. I am pulling back (keeping my energy/love for myself rather than pouring it all out) and leaning WAY back to zero, here.

    I feel more like, “Thanks for letting me know that no matter WHAT I do, nothing is going to change, here.” Very matter of fact and simple. While I feel sad inside myself and disappointed and have a lot of work to do on ME….I can honestly say that I am not angry or resentful. If there IS any anger, it is with myself.

    Help me understand the difference between deal-breakers/bad behavior and “my stuff.” I think I’m pulling back BECAUSE his behavior is ‘crumbs’—are you saying that he neglects the relationship and has no interest in me as a person due to something wrong with me?

    This is upsetting to me, as I felt I had made progress in being able to see the ‘big picture’ (ring and promise of marriage don’t make up for always being put at the bottom of his ‘to do’ list and having no concern for my feeling safe or secure.) Now, I’m wondering if it’s my fault (which sends me reeling back into thinking I’m not worth loving and that’s why he doesn’t….) 🙁

    I respect your opinions and ideas….but I’m confused.

  121.  #121Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 11:27 am

    None of the above FlowerChild I actually meant “thanks for sharing”. I just wanted to acknowledge that I recognize that you are going through a rough time. And to acknowledge that you sharing your vulnerability here is not lost on me because it is not easy to open yourself up to the world like you did.

    I believe the answers are within you. I believe that you are paying attention to yourself and your higher self with be your guidance through this. I wanted to encourage you to continue trusting yourself.

  122.  #122Emerson on January 2, 2012 at 11:29 am

    64 EW oooh I feel excited to see your new name and avatar 🙂

  123.  #123Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2012 at 11:30 am

    @42: T-Girl says:
    “…Brenda – I feel so sad that you sound so hostile now to the women here who care about you very much….”

    Hi T-Girl, I don’t believe you mean harm but there is an aggressive vibe whenever “feel” is combined with a “you-you” message as in your words above. Do you see this? My understanding is Rori instructs not to do that.

    In “I feel so sad that you…” “Feel” is combined with the judgment someone is “hostile.”

    I’m curious. If I wrote to you: “T-Girl, I feel so sad that you sound so hostile now…” how do you experience that?”

    I’d like us to be fair to all sirens. I’ve just read the last half dozen or so of Brenda’s posts and I don’t experience them as being hostile to me. I consider myself a siren and one of “the women” on the blog and I believe I care about her as much as anyone else here on the blog.

    Hugs to all.

  124.  #124Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Deal breakers for me are things like drugs, alcoholism. Bad behavior: neglect, chatting to women online and physically attacking me. I believe that our internal compass/our feelings help us to identify these things through our intuition and the way we feel if we really pay attention. Most of us have numbed these down though because of how we were socialized to believe that they don’t matter and we should not trust ourselves. This work here is difficult and have to be approached in babysteps. Which is the reason why I agree with Rori that we cannot beat ourselves up. We just have to notice and commit to change what is not working for us.

  125.  #125Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Uh-oh bracket typo 😳

  126.  #126Starla on January 2, 2012 at 11:34 am

    um ok now i am not okay, but he is almost here… so i will go and enjoy myself, wish me luck bye:)

  127.  #127Dominique on January 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

    April Rose – #102 – Yes it is absolutely possible. I attest to this. K and I will have been together ten years in April, and it has continued to get better.

    And to know each other as well as we do, to have grown and healed together brings an added element of intimacy and profundity which is truly indescribable.


  128.  #128Emerson on January 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

    111 FW thank you for posting this

  129.  #129Dominique on January 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Nothing is your fault Flowerchild. When you keep bringing things back to yourself and work to heal the things which get in your way, you start to gain a wonderful clarity. In this you will see whether he’s the man for you or not.


  130.  #130Dominique on January 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Femininewoman – xxoo <3

  131.  #131Starla on January 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

    i am being very brave and exercising my single lady rights, eeep it feels BIG, like how dare i think i have that right. a suitor invited me some place very interesting and i feel like going.

    i feel weird typing that out about “a suitor” did this or that, it feels like rationalizing to me.

    does part of me just wish that i wasn’t actually single and available to accept interesting invitations from other men? yeah probably, at least a little. mostly i feel no pressure towards CF, but yeah…

    and part of me feels like unless i sell myself short no one will ever want me, because they will think i’m ridiculous for valuing myself so much.

    so i’m going to go be brave and see how this all feels and i’ll be back to tell you all about it.

    thank you bye!

  132.  #132Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Love you Dominique. I love your unique brilliance in how you use words and the feminine grace that I feel pouring out of them. I loved your videos and and would love to be able to reflect the vibe I feel in your images.

  133.  #133Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Starla I feel confident you will be okay. You are a brave and smart siren.

  134.  #134Ella on January 2, 2012 at 11:58 am


    Ok so today at work was the first day back after the weekend shennanigans.

    I wondered how I would feel seeing both bossman again and also other male colleague.

    Well I felt totally fine until I actually got to work… and then I felt mostly ok, although slightly nervous at times.

    It just feels quite weird, like being in a fish bowl… but when I saw male work colleague he made a point of holding my eye contact and asking me how I am.

    Bossman actually apologised if his behaviour had been in any way unprofessional and said he had had too much to drink. I said it felt good that he had aplogised and professional feels best.

    I settled up with the champagne.

    Then as the day wore on I felt myself becoming more nervouse around male colleague. I don’t even know why, he is not even that hot or good looking.

    I found myself thinking about him and what he was thinking and was gently trying to bring the attention back onto myself.

    Sometimes I actually hate this new awareness as the most common feelings I seem to experience are akwardness and under confident. 🙁

    I thought I would try out being how I used to be and front confidence for a bit… but it just felt weird and fake.

    I mean I like fake it till I make it but it needs to feel natural.

    I am trying to pick helpful thoughts…

    I just wish it would fall into place a bit more.

    I wish I was more confident.

    Anyway towards the end of the afternoon male co-worker came up to me and asked me if I still wanted to have a Thaid curry with him.

    Suddenly I felt so shy but there were people around so we only had a few minutes so I just said yes.

    I am not sure how we got to talking about Thai curry the other night but we did and he said he could cook one for me and I said that would feel great.

    What occurs to me now is that if we have Thai curry at his home its kinda intense for a first date.

    Although I know him a bit from work… I kinda feel as though I might feel more comfortable with a shorter date first, something less intense.

    I like the idea of him cooking for me, creating this food for me and then serving me 🙂

    And it also occurs that him cooking would be at his house… hmmm, not sure I am ready to go to his house yet. Although I know he is a good guy and will not try to put the moves on me. Oh and also surely then it would involve me driving to him??!!

    Which I do not feel good about. But I just feel like such a Diva if I make him come and pick me up, cook for me AND drop me home, on a first date, when I am not even sure if I feel more than friendship.

    I don’t know.

    Sirens, can you help with this?

    Shall I tell him in FMs when he confirms?

    Or shall I go for it. And just go with the flow, go to his, let him cook. What about the driving issue?

    I feel a lil worried too about dating a co-worker… I mean it can be awkward can’t it… CD-ing helps take the pressure off, but, if I am not into him, what if he feels angry at it causes awkardness at work?

    Hmmm, guess I am feeling a little anxious today.

  135.  #135Ella on January 2, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    It funny.

    As I never have an issue about stating my boundaries with randoms who I meet for dating… however it feels harder with someone I know.

    I feel curious about that.

  136.  #136light heart on January 2, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I have been incorporating a new counter-intuitive meaning of the idea of ‘boundaries’, or ‘rules for myself’ that feels really right, because it eliminates the perception of saying no, and any kind of rigidity.

    This new meaning excludes the notion of putting restrictions on myself or the feeling of fences or walls between me and others.

    I won’t even refer to it as ‘boundaries’ any longer.

    I now call it making and keeping the kind of agreements with myself that only serve to expand, deepen, enrich and make my self-love more firm and established and a joyful, expansive, all-inclusive, equanimous, default way of being.

    It naturally follows that by doing this, I will naturally be able to give and for me, more importantly,right now, to RECEIVE love more fully in the world.

    My agreements will naturally be met with acceptance, not resistance, by others who are more aligned with this way of being, creating a more solid foundation for partnership.

    This is a great way to eliminate the guesswork out of “am i getting crumbs because there’s something wrong with me, or with him?”, because it’s never, ever one-sided. It will just cease to be an issue.

    My new agreement with myself is that when my carefully considered agreements with myself are met with resistance or violated by myself or others, I can say “I feel moved” and simply allow myself to observe and stay in the flow, acknowledging any story of unworthiness,shame, blame, guilt, holding it and having compassion for it, but not actually attaching to any story, or letting it start a life of its own.

    It all begins and ends right HERE !

    light heart

  137.  #137LILI 41 on January 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm


    Awwww, FW,

    Does that ever feel sooo good to read. 🙂
    Same to you sister siren!
    I’ve been missing you as well.

    The holidays have been tough for me. The feelings that were mostly coming up were shame, unworthiness and selfconsciousness.
    They all come from everything that happened throughout 2011 from beginning to end.

    Allthough I do need to allow myself to feel proud for having reached out throughout the entire holidays to get the inspiration I needed:

    I went to visit my family a 7 hour bus ride away by myself.
    I went to see my aunt’s brand new house.
    Her and her husband just moved into their dream house that they had built. They spared no expense into making it everything they want.
    She has decorative hangings in every room that quote an inspiring saying or text.
    She showed me her wishboard that she has posted right in front of her treadmill in her home gym.
    On it, she had a picture that she’s had for 6 years of her house…and it is now materialized.
    I will do the same and post it in front of my eliptical trainer.
    The money came for her from an elderly gentleman that she is caring for.
    He has no children and treats her like she is his only daughter.
    She has gone from depressed and lonely to making all her wishes materialize: From inspirational friends, to a devoted husband, the home of her dreams, the car of her dreams, a new exciting career.
    With it all, she remains true to herself and grateful.

    Another 1 of my aunts went out of her way and drove 1 hour to make me feel valued. When I thanked her, she said “I really want my niece to feel welcomed here.”

    I told my brother that I wish he would arrive at mom’s house earlier than usual. He asked me what time I would like to see him there. I said 4 and he showed up at 3.
    He told me his secret that he will ask his gf to marry him on Valentine’s day.

    My mom was a grateful sweetheart the whole time I was there. Not 1 single complaint from her.

    D called while I was there acting all paranoid that I wouln’t be where I said I would.
    He was wonderful to me throughout the last 3 weeks.

    When I got back from my trip, we invited a friend couple over for dinner.
    I suggested it to D bc I want us to have fun and socialize more as a couple.
    Our guest couple announced that they were pondering selling their summer cottage to buy a motorcycle. They said they would enjoy riding with us, D having 1 himself. Yey!
    I loved the way D was w me helping me in the kitchen to cook and prepare without my asking.

    I had fun on NYE w D’s family.
    I loved how he paid more attention to me and his son while he was having fun drinking and putting on a show. He used to forget about us at parties.

    I received so much love, appreciation and inspiration over the holidays.
    But I still had the dark cloud of this past year over my head.
    I’m scared to leave the past behind where D is concerned.
    I’m scared of being a fool to trust that things will be different and that I will truly have his heart.

  138.  #138light heart on January 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    FW @124

    Very wise statements
    that I am fully on board with!

    NOT beating up on myself is
    my number one agreement, and
    it is having so many positive effects!

    light heart

  139.  #139Silver Moonbeam on January 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    English Woman (EW) will henceforth be known as Silver Moonbeam. 😀

  140.  #140light heart on January 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    @112 thanks, FW

    wow…what a great article,
    much truth in there, shared with love
    thanks Dominique


    light heart

  141.  #141Ella on January 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Oh, and I forgot to say. I was working with some Waitresses today who are younger than me… and they are just super confident.

    You can just tell.

    Like they walk about singing and you can just tell they never secong guess themselves.

    They are also more judgemental and gossipy, but today I felt very jealous of their confidence!

    Maybe I was noticing it more because I felt so shy going into the kitchen today (male colleague is one of the chefs! bashful face).

    Maybe this has been brought up to heal… to cultivate more confidence.

    At the moment I feel a bit mushy inside.

  142.  #142Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Lili41 I feel moved reading about your adventures. You aunt is living witness that there is abundance in the Universe that comes easily. She has shown you that our visions for our lives can come true. D’s masculine protective self must have kick in there, not paranoia I don’t think. He wanted to make sure his sweetie was safe and taken care of. He just maybe didn’t know how to express it.

  143.  #143light heart on January 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Yes, there was too much resistance by JCD to the agreements for self-love that I have for myself, so he has naturally spun out of the circuit. For now, anyway. I am taking much delight in taking care of my self. I was surprised with a visit from a very good, dear, wise friend and invited to a little get-together where I practiced being siren-y, and was hit on and kissed at midnight by a cool guy. Yay!

    light heart

  144.  #144Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    By the Way Lili41 check out Dominique’s holiday article. It speaks about holiday triggerfests


  145.  #145Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Ella actually I was just thinking about you today how in the past whenever you used to post about your dates you almost always described yourself as being angry. It seems an internal shift must have taken place and you are now in transition. Pour love on the mushy and shy feelings while they last. It won’t be long before you get to where you want to be. You might as well enjoy those feelings while they last.

  146.  #146Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Hi light heart are you a Gay Hendricks “disciple”? Your agreement sound so much like his style.

  147.  #147Liz on January 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Hi Sirens!!!!

    Thanks for being here.
    FW I love the concept you keep talking about….babysteps…..
    and not beating ourselves up…..

    I just saw an old friend of mine and I just was authentic with her….she said how are you?
    I shrugged and grunted, not so good….
    she said, not enough snow?
    i said, no love life
    do you know any cute guys?
    she said, all the ones I know are bald!
    We laughed.
    I felt loved and heard….

    I shortened my profile on match and have not gotten one hit yet….
    plenty of hits on pof, though. so far all men with hs education and so should i not go out with them, i have a master’s degree in science…..

  148.  #148Ella on January 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Yes FW,

    That sounds good.


  149.  #149light heart on January 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Hi FW, not very familiar at all with Gay Hendricks work, not a disciple of any one in particular, it’s just a conglomeration of my knowledge and experience gleaned over the years and culled into my own brand of living, breathing way of being..I suppose it could sound like any number of people, kind of like Michael Buble’, sounds like a mix of many, but with a style uniquely his own, ya know ?

    light heart

  150.  #150Silver Moonbeam on January 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    I am thinking of getting this decal (transfer/sticker) made for above my bed, what do you Siren’s think?

    “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe

  151.  #151Ella on January 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Well so I am sometimes feeling shy and awkward.

    And that is ok.

    I love my awkwardness.

    I am feeling worried about details. And its because I want to do things right. I care.

    That is sweet. I love that about me.

    I get shy around some men. That is nice.

    I am worried about expressing my boundaries.

    So this is good practice.

  152.  #152Ella on January 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I wonder how it would feel to say ‘I do really want to meet up, and it would feel better to do something less intense for the first time we meet up. I don’t feel comfortable to come to your home yet’

    I wonder how it might feel to say ‘I would like to have Thai curry with you and I don’t want to drive’.

    Hmmm, second one definitely triggers scared feelings.

    I love my scared feelings.

  153.  #153Silver Moonbeam on January 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Just sent a very nice email to all of my youth fan club looking for Cougars LOL!! Told them they seemed very nice but were at least 20 years too young for me, one cheeky whippersnapper came back and said he would love to give me one!!

    I wrote back and said “Dream on Grasshopper” 😀

  154.  #154Silver Moonbeam on January 2, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Not fully cognisant of the coming back thing, though they mostly do………..how to deal with that, I know we are supposed to warm and open and inviting, but how do these words play out exactly?

    I would LOVE to buy another set of programmes, but can’t really afford it, I just wish the payments were spread over 12 months. 🙁

  155.  #155Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Ella the question that came to mind was why can’t he cook it and bring it to work for lunch one day?

    I like your second FM.

  156.  #156elle_emm on January 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    i feel like changing my name and avatar too! this is fun.

  157.  #157Ella on January 2, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    FW – he could.

    However I would feel incredibly uncomfortable having a date at work… everyone would be watching and whispering. Plus we can easily get sucked into working. We don’t really have structured breaks…

  158.  #158Liz on January 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    light heart @136
    I like your synthesis of the meaning boundaries for you…
    and your name 🙂

  159.  #159elle_emm on January 2, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    how do i change my photo? it’s been a long time and i forgot the name of the service.

  160.  #160elle_emm on January 2, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    gravatar! remembered it!

  161.  #161Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    137 Lili – Awww it sounds like you had a great time over the break.

    I’m not sure if it helps you or not, but as you know I had all of those icky feelings and lack of trust in TH. But a few weeks ago I decided that I didn’t want to be with somebody I couldn’t trust and somebody I worried would hurt me.

    So I knew I had to either walk away from him or make a choice to trust him 100%.

    I obviously chose the latter, and yeah I still have the occasional NV and icky feeling pop up, but I must say that it has totally transformed our relationship.

    We still have a long way to go, but I can “feel” him moving closer to me, bit by bit, and I suppose he’s feeling the change in my vibe too.

    Thinking of you. xxx

  162.  #162siren song on January 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    happy new year! i feel good with this new name.

  163.  #163Liz on January 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Re Brenda and FW

    I have been feeling more into this issue and I feel as if whenever we come on this board, it is either to vent, or get support or read about other’s journeys or to give support.
    I feel like we are all on our own journeys and I want to say that wherever you are on your journey you are accepted. Even if you have heard the advice once, twice or a hundred times.
    I feel that someone’s resistance to someone elses journey is a trigger and it feels so good to be triggered…it feels so good to be moved, since that means we are in process, things are moving and we are becoming more and more sirenlike with every post, every processing, every time we or I feel comfortable just pouring my heart out through these keys to all you women out there.
    I feel so healed. I trust someone out there hears me.
    Brenda I love you on your journey.
    FW I love you on your journey.
    Sirens, i love all of you on our awesome journeys to amazingly blissful love and incredible intimacy and joy.

  164.  #164Brenda on January 2, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I just said goodbye to Dollbaby. My heart feels so full! I feel like a flock of grey geese with the speckled orange and red sunset behind them, coming in for landingon a big lake! Aaaaaaah! Flying solo 18

  165.  #165Liz on January 2, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I am sorry I am not able to give you advice on this one.
    It feels like it could be really, really fun.
    I might just drive there and let him cook, since you don’t know if you want it to be a date….

    but I am sure other sirens who are better at being in the feminine would say something different.

    I think it’s great that you got approached for such a fun evening….enjoy it!

  166.  #166Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Ella, I’m hopeless at FM’s and so wish I could offer you advice on what to say there. But yeah I’d feel the same way. I liked your first suggestion to be honest, but that could just be because I still have some boundary work to do! 😉

  167.  #167Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    One of my friends emailed me the most beautiful picture of my youngest daughter and I last night. We went to lunch last week and that’s when it was taken.

    I just wish my eldest had been with us, so I could have a pic like that of the three of us.

    I might get TH to bring over his good camera and take one of us…

  168.  #168siren song on January 2, 2012 at 1:32 pm


    it might be fun to let him give to you (i love it when men cook) and practice that receiving, especially if you don’t necessarily feel like this is a date…

  169.  #169Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Love you Liz

  170.  #170Silver Moonbeam on January 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    @162 Liz

    I agree 100% with your post and kudos to Brenda for feeling trusting enough with us to share these very personal feelings, I know I have said and done MUCH more toe curlinginly things in my time and would never have the gall to put them up on a public forum.

  171.  #171Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I experienced a wonderful triggerfest while driving down the coast last night. TH was at a music festival with one of his male friends and he had asked if I could drive down and pick them up which I agreed to after telling him he owed me BIG time! lol

    After telling me he probably wouldn’t have phone signal while he was there, he did text me a couple of times although they took several hours to get through to me, but it felt good that he thought of me.

    Last night I received a text letting me know there were two other people with them and the triggers started. What if it was MW and her husband????? ICK!!!!!

    And all the way down there I was thinking about how angry I would be if that’s who the other two people were… but then I stopped the NVs and told them that they were friends of his friend and nothing more and I was to give TH the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn’t do something so thoughtless.

    And thankfully my NV had been WRONG – it was another couple who seemed quite nice. Phew!

    After we got home and went to bed, he wrapped me up tight in his arms and we stayed like that for what seemed like an hour! Awww! I love it when he holds me like that! 🙂

    He has to go to work today but is still asleep in bed – he was absolutely exhausted when he got home last night… I just feel warm and mushy when I think about him right now… awww! Sigh…! 😉

  172.  #172FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    In a word, yes. I understand about the agreements with self and how if I am completely true to myself and share my authenticity then the situation(s) will fade away and/or cease to be in my life.

    If he was just a CD it would be so much easier. He’s going to ask me what’s wrong. What do I say?

    I really feel that I’ve already said what bothers me and why I’m not packing up my life again and moving over there with him. But our conversations never come to any conclusion and over the years, I see that as long as I don’t act angry or pushy he thinks everything is ‘fine.’

    If I DO act angry (and most anything that I don’t like or wish was different, to him, means I’m “angry” and “yelling”)–he just doesn’t call for a day (two at the most) and then acts like nothing happened. When this happens I feel like he just “ignores” how I feel/what I need/want and wants to carry on as usual, so he doesn’t have to address anything he doesn’t like—ever.

    How would you Sirens handle this? I do no contacting…it’s always him calling. After all these years I’m feeling that just ignoring his calls isn’t the way to go….?

    I know it probably seems very crystal clear how and what I should do/not do. But it’s not so clear to me, as I am in the middle of it.

    So….I guess I have already shared my authenticity and he has chosen to pretend I’ve said nothing.

  173.  #173Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm


    You can find true love. We’re so certain, we guarantee it.
    We’ve seen it happen for thousands of our students over the last seven years. And we know we can make it happen for you, too.

    As simple as it sounds, the insight that will transform your love life forever is this:

    The real obstacles to attracting love are not outside us, but within us.
    Even though we wish for love, most of us are anchored in limiting beliefs about the possibility of truly having a great relationship. As a result, we show up in our lives in ways that push love away—without even realizing it.

    When you’re able to identify and release these inner obstacles to love, you’ll become magnetic to the love of your life.

    It’s that simple.

  174.  #174Daria on January 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I just woke up and now I’m thinking of my sister and her wanting to beat me up and I felt sick in my third chakra

    I want to heal this

    I want to do more tapping at the 3rd chakra

    I feel dissapointed it didn’t hugely change stuff so I can feel secure and free

    Oh yeah remember the green diaphanous family feeling

  175.  #175Daria on January 2, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    I am mentally blaming her for wanting drama in her life

    And realizing I want it in mine (and wow I just created it). Not that I want drama but I want the feeling of realness, not knowing what’s next and excitement and being seen and honored and admired and wowed about.

  176.  #176Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Claiming Responsibility:

    “…we aren’t responsibility for creating all the bad things that happen to us. But we can claim responsibility for the bad things that happen and learn a lot about ourselves by doing so. It all depends on whether you think of responsibility as something you are or as something you do. For us, the onlyuseful way of thinking about responsibility is as something we do. We use an operational definition of responsibility, not a theoretical one: Responsibility is an action you take, not a quality that can be assigned. A judge and jury can assign responsibilityto a criminal for an act, but that criminal’s life will not begin to change until he or she make a conscious choice to take responsibility…

    The key point is this: There is tremendous healing power in taking responsibility for something right now in the present, but no healing value in looking back to the past to blame yourself or anyone else.”

    From Gay Hendricks

  177.  #177Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    An Experiment in Love and Responsibility That You can Do Right Now:

    Think of something you have struggled with in yourself—perhaps it’s your weight or your fear of speaking in public. Let your mind settle on this one thing so that you are clear about what it is. Now think of someone or something that you know for sure that you love. Perhaps it’s a certain loved one or anaction like riding your bike in the country on a sunny day. The only requirement is that you have reliably felt love in the presence of this person or thing. Let yourself feel that love in your body and mind right now. Now take a leap: Love that thing you have struggled with just as you love the person or thing that you know for sure you love. You may say, “But I hate it.” All right, then love yourself for hating. Then love it. Greet it with loving acceptance.

    Now for the responsibility part of the experiment. Acknowledge yourself as the source and creator of the problem you have been focusing on. Let’s say you are focusing on your weight. Even if you come from thirteen generations of overweight ancestors, you can choose to take responsibilityfor your weight now. Responsibility begins the moment you take it. You don’t have to wait for anything to happen before you take responsibility.”

    Gay Hendricks

  178.  #178FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Thank you for reminding me about “Calling in the One.” I have the call and will listen to it differently this time. It’s hard to “hear” sometimes when you think you already have someone who loves you….

  179.  #179Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    The human mind is a hall of mirrors where everything we look at only reflects the mind and how it already thinks. Until a student can trust a teacher as an authority to show them a new way of seeing and filtering the world, all they are doing in all their endeavors with authority is trying to prove
    that what they already know is right. If you know at some level that you are missing something in your life but can’t trust and surrender to others to teach you, you are in a real pickle.

    Now I don’t want to give you the impression that I am in somehow in favor of the Guru model of enlightenment. To give over your authority to someone forever is childish. Teachers appear to us as we need them, then they move on with no attachment. To learn from them we must surrender
    our will to let them guide us till we have enough
    authority to move on. Teachers let us see the
    world from different eyes or from a higher vantage
    point. Teachers come to you to promote change and growth.

    No person with authority is ever trying to control you or keep you dependent. A master teachers
    entire focus is to teach their pupils to have their own authority, be disciplined and independent.

    Authority is a tricky concept, a Catch 22 of the mind. Until you fully surrender your authority to another, you will not be open enough understand
    what they have to teach you. Every teacher who appears to you, or that you are drawn to, has a gift that you can only get by trusting them and surrendering your way, for their way. To do this
    though you must have enough authority to know that you are not submitting, your are surrendering
    willingly to grow.

    Every relationship you are in is teaching you about your authority and the importance of personal integrity.

    Rhys Thomas

  180.  #180Sun Goddess on January 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I made it through the day today. I tried to make it fun for everyone, but I still had some thoughts about other fun things I could be doing and how much fun LP was probably having without me. I think tomorrow will be easier.

  181.  #181Daria on January 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Ok now I am mentally making pictures of us fighting in public and me dominating the situation and complaining about ungreatfulness and disloyalty.

    Hmm I might have anger wrapped around my third chakra… My hands now feel sweaty – I love my sweaty hands feeling and my breathing is shallow I love my shallow breathing. Sigh I love my sigh

    First chakra now in my thighs… Or… It’s on top of my thighs rather than insides

    A pinch on my mid back aha

    Rising hot energy like a hot flash pffff

    I want to heal my competing dominating fantasize

    That is what makes me look good in public and makes people like me respect me and makes my life livelier cooler more alive

    I feel scared

    I want to heal this

  182.  #182Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    @95: jan thurmond

    Welcome to the blog. I’m looking forward to 70!

    Does you husband like to travel, or would he? The site below is intriguing… romantic.



  183.  #183Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    I felt left behind and ignored. I don’t not to be left home when I’m willing to do something. I don’t want to feel that it doesn’t count if I loose a complete day of my expensive vacation.

    That’s what I want to tell my father right now. But he doesn’t seem interested in how I feel. He hurt me, I leaned back, and he didn’t lean foward to me to see how am doing. My father is like that. He prefers to ignore the problem until there is a drama. It’s easier like that. He doesn’t has to deal with feminine sadness or dramas and he can enjoy his vacation by himself, with his girlfriend, without having to wonder if I’m having fun or not.

    This morning, him and I went to buy some little things that we needed. The girlfriend went to the beach. We left for only 2 hours. It started raining on our way back. She called him on his cell phone and went crazy about he lefted her alone wih all the stuff to cary (lol, the beach is about 300 meters from the house!!!). My feeling is that she was jealous that I was alone with him. But maybe I’m wron, this is about how I see it. All the way home, I told my father that it was sad that we had rain and that I would like to do something else. Maybe go to this aquarium that I saw or to the little museum. When we got home, the girlfriend decided that she wanted to go shopping and he left with her. He left me alone at the house on a rainy day with the schysophrenic step brother who was in a bad phase. I’m not being judgemental here. He is really schisophrenic.

    I had NOTHING to do. There’s no way I can get out of here. No car, no bicycle, no public transportation.

    I feel mad because it doesn’t count for him that I am sad. It feels unfair because I made efforts to be nice with her and to smile like he asked me. And he’s doin nothing in exchange.

    My mother would have never treat me like that and I think it’s unfair for her that I am spending 2 weeks with my selfish father when my mom is all lonely in Canada.

  184.  #184Daria on January 2, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    I just accepted a date w a man that I don’t know who it is! Lol! But he seems to know me ! Ha!

    I said too… Will you bring me some weed?

    I feel so comfortable asking now… And totally entitled to ask men for stuff! Wow thank you Daria

    I just remembered a woman I had been friends with and the way she had the ability to convince 7 eleven people to let us come out w ARMFULLS of stuff for free

  185.  #185Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    @166: Femininewoman says:

    Thanks for the link. How does “calling in the one” compare to “soulmate secrets?” or are they entirely different? I sensed they might be similar but I don’t know.

  186.  #186Sun Goddess on January 2, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    176 Lizka,

    How much longer are you on vacation for?

  187.  #187Daria on January 2, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    I didn’t ask who it is lol. Ohhh I wonder if it’s PerfectDate CD and he’s back from the east coast.., he sounded nice this guy.

    I feel a lil shaky and sweaty hands.

    I feel excitement.

    Also I felt kina achy in my heart and in my head creating the scenarios where I’m the cool one in the fight w my sister


    I wonder if it’s maybe some heart chakra stuff too since it felt achy there and shut down during the scenario

    Also it gets my body feeling shaky and tightening on the inner first chakra strip


    But I feel warm and strong

    And pinched in third chakra. Heart rate up

    This is how I feel when I know I’m going somewhere where someone wants to beat me up or attack me

    It’s that sinking stonach, sweaty hands, up heart rate, tingles in chest. Holding time, holding inner thighs, shaky hands, heavy arms w tightness in forearms, feeling all limp in a numb way , pinched in my chest, thoughts go blank

    Love to me.

    I love that I’m experiencing and able to heal the stuff around this feeling right here in my room.

    Usually when I get this feeling it feels scary – I used to say I Hate this feeling cuz

    I feel incapacitated and ashamed for being scared

    Love to me.

    I am healing this if it is coming up and I’m able to feel it now


    Stony face too… Numbness and tingling in cheeks

    Dang it’s like prefight readiness with numbness and everything

    I may have been born w this ability and training and I can heal what I don’t wan
    I want to feel secure creative happy powerful

    The truth is I do feel powerful

    This is my feeling when I go silent but let anyone actually attack me and I will fuchk you up

    I feel almost teary , hot around my nose. Feeling base of spine pinching and heaviness. I love me

  188.  #188Daria on January 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    ‘Some women mistake this for acting like a spoiled brat but it’s actual quiet appealing to men. When a client asks me, “How do I put my heart ahead of a man?” I explain it this way. Imagine you had a small child walking around with you wherever you went. Let’s pretend that small child is actually your Heart. Let’s also pretend that it was your job to protect this small child (your heart).’

    ! What a simple and easy to apply to explain this tool! Many times we’ve talked about it but this is the clearest and most powerful for me! I will be using this to inspire other people

    (and me! In this situation where i have abandoned myself before and I don’t want to).

  189.  #189Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Sun Goddess – I’m leaving on Thursday. So I have two days left.

    I’m so happy that I don’t have to drive 30-something hours to go back to Canada with them. I treated myself and bought a plane ticket for the ride back. Hehe

    Why are you asking SG?

    PS Even thought I liked ce Princess, I LOVE the new name. It feels warm and gold and I imagine a beautiful and strong woman. 🙂

  190.  #190Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Lol, “it feels gold”. I know it means nothing, but that’s how I feel your name. 🙂

  191.  #191Sun Goddess on January 2, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    I was just wondering. Seems like this part of your vacation is more emotionally draining than normal life.

    Thanks, I like it too but I kind of miss Ice Princess at the same time.

  192.  #192Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    SLV Soulmate Secret is just a book. Calling in the One is like a program. I signed up for the free call.

  193.  #193Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Every time I see the name Sun Goddess now it reminds me of being soft on the outside. Soft as ice cream melting in the sun.

  194.  #194Daria on January 2, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Flower child – ‘Thanks for letting me know that no matter WHAT I do, nothing is going to change, here.”

    This thought suggests anger. Maybe a cold in the head anger (w hopeless thoughts like this) rather than a hot rising up anger.

    Either way there is anger.

    And also … Happily… This thought is not true. Things Do change, they constantly change, they cannot help but change, they are constantly in flux.

    Accet your anger. And live it, that will help. Maybe create some in your imagination if you don’t feel it. Look for judgements and let that be your clue to the presence of anger.

    And lean back as well. Not as punishment to the man, but because that’s the best feeling place to be for you, anyways.

    Tell him you don’t want to help w the house w ex gf name on it and no good stuff coming out of it for you. Say you feel angry. Apologize for not letting him know you’ve been feeling this way for awhile, and for shutting down. Let him know you feel scared. What does he think you should do?

  195.  #195Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    (((Lizka))) – is there anything else within walking distance?

    The reason why I ask is because you have some choices.

    You can choose to be upset about a situation you were kind of “dumped” in but have absolutely no control over, or you can take control and find another way to make your time stuck in the house (if that’s your only option) more enjoyable.

    One big lesson I’ve learned in life (and yeah I sometimes forget) is that worrying or being upset about a situation I cannot control is pointless – it’s not going to change my situation except to make it feel worse.

    On the other hand, I do have choices. I can choose to focus on something else, or in your situation, I can choose to think of something else to do that I find enjoyable.

    Even if you have a notepad handy, you could sit down and write out all of the things in your life that you’re truly grateful for – such as plane tickets home! 😀

    Just some thoughts I had there to help you out of your funk! xxx

  196.  #196Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Sun Goddess – It is drainning. Before I was here, I just started healing completely my lost relationship with P and my few issues at work, and the issue with one of the 2 Mean Girls, and I was feeling good about E not steping up anymore. I was feeling on a cloud, everyting was getting so easy for me, probably because of my new attitude toward life.

    And now, life sends me this challenge. But it’s vacation d*mmit!! It feels like jail and vacation shouldn’t be like that.

    Yes, I can’t wait to be home, nd even to go back to work. Work is easier than my actual vacation.

    I feel sad because I feel like we broke somehing with my father. I am realising how he is and I feel really repulsed…

  197.  #197Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Ella – ‘I just feel like such a Diva if I make him come and pick me up, cook for me AND drop me home, on a first date’

    Omg this is no big deal!


    And of course you cannot make him.. He will want to.

    A great opportunity here to practice deservingness

  198.  #198Lush_Oasis on January 2, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    @Ella #134

    Your experiences with dating coworkers brings up many pleasant memories for me. I had to search long and hard within me, though, to determine if I really wanted to “date” a fellow co-worker. Where I was working was in a managerial / leadership position where many people would look to for guidance and acceptance of many, many things. I ultimately stopped the “dating” scenario with fellow managers / team members because it created too much conflict with team members and the vision of management “dating” other leaders in the company.

    Really, Ella, I feel confused on why I shared that story with you and the other sirens, but I felt drawn to reply to your post.

    As for your request for suggestions on how to reply to your male co-worker, I read on here somewhere at one point that asking him, “I feel confused, are you asking me out on a date?” will solve some unknown answers: (1) his answer will clearly indicate if he sees it as a “DATE” or just a casual get-together / hangout. (2) his answer may lead you to better understand where / what it is you would like to have happen.

    If he acknowledges that it is for a “date”, then follow up FMs could include any number of choices, “I don’t feel comfortable ____ [driving, meeting, etc.] for a first date. I would feel happy ____ [sharing the meal] at a neutral location” … etc. etc. etc.

    Ella, I am just a Siren in training. But, I feel more relaxed having a few of these options available as needed. It feels amazing to have a comeback ready for when tense situations present themselves — usually without notice — which makes me feel like the spotlight is on and the stop watch has started counting down.

    I feel intrigued to read other ideas for comments on this. 🙂 Oh, and Ella, I’ve also learned that if the situation (whatever it may be) feels good to you — by all means, enjoy! 🙂

    @Daria #180 — wow … I feel inspired by your healing path!

    Thanks, Sirens!

  199.  #199Emerson on January 2, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Ella I love reading what you write.
    I am glad to hear about bossman apologizing and nice how you handled it by saying professional feels best!! That’s great and I feel impressed by your boundary setting.

    I also feel it’s cute that male coworker asked you to come over and cook for you…\and the eye contact while working, sounds like he likes you! 🙂

    hmmm good question about driving, but perhaps it would be nice to have your car there in case you’re ready to leave, you can just politely excuse yourself if you want to cut it short right after dinner….not sure how you feel about that but it’s just a thought that occurred to me that I wanted to share.

  200.  #200Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Actually Ella – I’m with Emerson. Having my car there will give me an “out”. That way if I am ready to go home, I’m not “stuck” there waiting for him to drive me home…

    For future “dates” (if this is what it is) you could of course express your boundary about driving to men etc.

  201.  #201Sun Goddess on January 2, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    189 Lizka,

    I guess the good thing is you will feel so much better about life and your everyday problems when you do return!

  202.  #202Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Flower child – don’t ‘act’ angry… Express the anger in soft feeling messages

    ‘I feel angry..I don’t want to feel this way… What do you think?’

    If he says something dismissive then, go to your feelings again…

    ‘oh…’. Pause ‘I feel bad’

    If he did not call and you still feel upset, then whenhe calls again and says hello on the phone you can let him know

    Him : hello

    You : hello

    Him: hey so I talked to so and so

    You: oh

    Him: yeah and they said blah blah

    You: Mmmm this feels weird to say… And I’m still feeling upset

  203.  #203Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    I take responsibility for creating this situation. I’m sorry to my sister for not having addressed this sooner. I’m sorry for not trusting her love towards me. I’m sorry for not saying earlier that I don’t like to be talked to ins violent way. I’m sorry for any pain I triggered for her.

    I’m sorry for

    Love to me. Writing this feels kinda scary

  204.  #204Ella on January 2, 2012 at 3:23 pm


    Ok Girls.

    I feel better about it all now.

    Kinda giggly and warm and ready to go into my girl and share with him what will feel more romantic and good for me.


  205.  #205T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    123 SLV,

    You are so right. I didn’t even realize it. For that I am sorry.

    I have looked to myself to see why I am so triggered by the situation and I do know why.

  206.  #206April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm


    I feel a little confused. But maybe I have made a mistake, and apologise if I have.
    I thought I read a post once where you said you were an only child?

  207.  #207Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    RE 190 ““I feel confused, are you asking me out on a date?” will solve some unknown answers”

    Ella I believe this is an excellent suggestion from Lush. I believe I have heard this in one of the programs.

  208.  #208Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Ong I feel such a tightness in my third chakra I wasn’t even aware of it. Wow! Ouch! Omg

    I also feel guilty for Knowing she didn’t like it but still kicking it w my brother

    But that’s not something I want to apologize for

    Where is me here…

    I feel invisible

    Aha I have a belief that I have to make myself invisible around a couple or else the man will get attracted to me and the woman will feel jealous and it will cause icky feelings and drama

    And that I should be invisible, cuz they matter more – cuz here a couple and their ‘love’ is what’s important, not me

    Oh wow maybe this is from living around my parents

    I love me!

    I want to heal this!

    I want to feel visible And livable and got and included and loved and healthy and honored

  209.  #209Ella on January 2, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Well it has been REALLY bothering me that my Co-workers view me as not confident.

    I have come across this again and again in my life.

    But more recently since I have been living a lot more in my feminine energy and being authentic.

    It really bothers me.

    WAAAAAAA! I want to be viewed as a self confident, self assured Siren.

    Why am I not.

    What am I blocking??

    Its a feeling of less than.

    Of being intimidated or not wor

  210.  #210Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    April Rose – I am an only child.

    My brothers and sisters are like a family of friends and we call each other brothers and sisters. And treat each other that way.

  211.  #211April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 3:31 pm


    That’s cool. I would like to choose some brothers and sisters and make my own family.

    Have you talked with your sister yet?

  212.  #212Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Ella do you mind sharing what occured why you know they think of you as not confident?

  213.  #213Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Hey Ella… do you “feel” confident? Or is there some uncertainty coming through from somewhere?

  214.  #214Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    April Rose – no, I feel scared and tense

    I want to feel happy and powerful and relaxed

  215.  #215LILI 41 on January 2, 2012 at 3:36 pm



    I am registered! Thank you so much for sharing these opportunities! 🙂

  216.  #216Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Feel tight in my 3rd chakra and tight in my moth, and now over my eye…

    I love my feelings

    They are not as tight as before


    This feels exciting!


    Omg I’m healing and I was holding tension in my 3rd this while time

    Wowie wow

  217.  #217Ella on January 2, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    … worthy.

    That is a learned belief.

    Not true.

    I love my feelings of unworthiness.

    They are kinda funny too.

    But what is the point?

    They are not serving me or anyone else, esp not the Universe.

    What does confidence look like?

    Can I just feel quetly confident in myself?

    I don’t need to be extrovert to be confident.

    I don’t want to be extrovert.

    I feel judgemental of extravert people.

    People always call me the ‘quiet’ one.

    But I do want to be extrovert. I love that in others… I want that.

    Its cool, its fun and it scares the heck out of me.

    I love my scaredness.

    What if my life was a blank canvas?

    What if there was no ‘before’?

    No reasons for me to feel afraid, or worried or less than.

    What if none of it was important?

    What if I didn’t care what people thought?

    What if it as all a blank canvas and I could relate to the world like a baby learning, and respond from my true feelings in the moment.

    I could just be me and feel happy and comfortable with that.

    What if the label they have given me is wrong?

    What if I am confident, and I am just different, and they don’t have words to describe my differentness… and they have called it being less than confident?

    I have had this with men before.

    Where they bring up this thing… and they tell me how amazing I am… and then they go on to say ‘and there is just something… I don’t know what it is, its like you are not quite confident in yourself!’

    And I feel receptive but it also feels like a kick in the teeth!

    What if I were to just keep focusing on myself, my life and raising my self esteem?

    Would it continue to lift my vibe so that I would have more of that glow I sometimes have?

    And would that look like confidence?

    And then will I even care whether it does or not?

    I love me and I wish me lots of healing and intend to be self assured.

  218.  #218Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Ella – I would love on my unconfident feeling parts and let them know I love them. Maybe cry powerfully if I can

  219.  #219Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Thank you Sun Goddess for cheering me up. You’re right, I should see the problem like that…

  220.  #220Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    If someone said I seemed under confident about certain things like my attractiveness and I was feeling attractive I would judge them as projecting on me. I would feel blank. Maybe shit down and unseen. Angry (wow I didn’t know this)z

    Inside me I would feel smug that I know I’m confident

    I might also feel amused or not even notice my feelings ANC say oh but very confident


    Maybe Ella’s underconfidentness is vulnerability

  221.  #221Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    “I would judge them as projecting on me” Depending on the context, yep.

  222.  #222Ella on January 2, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    FW, BW

    It was just the dialogue between me, my boss and male co-worker at the New Year Party.

    My boss wanted to talk personal stuff and started talking about me… and it was about my businesses and some ideas he has and how he thinks ‘I’m not quite there yet, its not quite it for me’ and that led to him saying how I am amazing and he is so interested in my because there are not many people who do the things I do ie choose to run a business and want to help people… and then he said, and yet you don’t seem quite confident in yourself. Then male Co-worker came over and joined us and asked what we were talking about. And bossman repeated it to him.

    At which point he joined in and said ‘yes, its like you do all these courses, and yet you are under confident. You do all this stuff which takes confidence, and yet you don’t always come across that way’ Later he went on to say how amazing I am, and how all the men fancy me… and its like I don’t realize it. He spoke about how they see body language in the kitchen and have spoken about me and noticed this mismatch.

    BW, to answer your question, no sometimes I don’t feel confident.

    And I have felt much more nervous going into that kitchen since I stood up for myself with head chef by calling him (in private) on his rude behaviour to me.

    So I have been more tentative of taking orders into the kitchen since then. I feel a little intimidated.

    I have always struggled with confidence, although I have never let it stop me… I have taught rooms full of people.

    And I find it harder on a personal level.

    I feel very sensitive about it.

  223.  #223Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    At least now I’m comfortable w

    This sick feeling in my stomach – that used to come up when u know something is wrong, like when u wake up and remember your friend died

    It’s actually 3rd chakra type nausea and its coming up a lot just doing the tapping so now I know and am familiar with and can love this feeling and feel safe that I will survive

    Sigh. Wow. Amazing

    Maragret says that you will feel nausea but damn I didn’t know exactly what she was talking about. It wasn’t throw up on the toilet bowl nausea but more like slow feelings.

    Wow this is so cool and I’m so healing.
    I feel scared and super excited.

    Wow this fear of conflict is really gonna heal now?

    I e been wanting to shift this my whole life.

    Love to me

  224.  #224Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    The situation is worst and worst. My father was alone in the kitchen so I went to see him. He took my hand and looked in my eyes.

    So I did it. I sent a beautiful feeling message that I felt pretty proud about. I said exactly what I wrote earlier, that I felt left behind and so sad to be left home alone and that I don’t want that my time doesn’t count as much as other…

    My father was still very defensive and ACCUSIVE. Omg?! But the discussion was going not to bad and we were pretty much getting to something…

    …when the girlfriend came and asked him to come help her find something. What the…?!? We were discussing!! I was crying and she can’t wait a few minutes?! I begin to think more and more that she is jealous of me. What else could it me. And my puppet-father stood up and went to help er. In the middle of my feeling message session. I said “dad we were talking” and she started SCREAMING “You’ve been talking to him for 2 weeks, I’m bored of hearing you cry”. Omg? Do I deserve that? I never was mean with her and I never cried in front of her. And my father just followed her…

    And SHE decided that the activity of the night was watching a movie that SHE choosed and when I said to my father that after spending a day alone because they used the car to do their things, I would spend the night alone doing nothing because they would use the computer (there is no wifi in te house so no internet on my phone either), he said nothing. And the step-brother just went accusive to me and said that I just have to watch the movie with them if I’m not happy. Why would I do something that I haven’t choose and that no one asked me about what I want?!

    So I escaped and didn’t tell my father where I was going. I just went to the Club house with my book and my phone and my cigarettes so I can use Internet. And here I am alone again, in the middle of my not-dream-vacation…

  225.  #225Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Femiminewoman – yes, that judgement thought stuff would cover my real feelings though which turned out to be anger! I didn’t even know!

  226.  #226Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Anger fear sadness feeling not seen

  227.  #227Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    I feel so happy today…

    I haven’t quite caught up with the posts…

    my friendCD who is just a friend just texted
    “Are you thinking of me?”

    and Sirens..I could NOT resist!!! I replied…”If you’re not in front of me, then I’m not thinking about you”

    I know we aren’t supposed to be clever but sometimes I just like to play around 🙂

  228.  #228April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm


    How long have you been feeling scared and tense about talking to your sister?

    I think if it was me I would just want to get it over with.

    But I see the healing for you in working with the fear. Ultimately though, I think there will still be some fear when you do talk. Could you express it in a feeling message to your sis?

  229.  #229Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    I’m sorry for spamming the blog with my non-relationship-with-men, but I feel so sad and lonely and I have no one to talk to since I am so far from home… Just writting jere my story and my thoughts makes me feel better. I am not expecting you girls to Spend energy on responding to me. But if you have any thoughts and wants to share it, feel free to share…

  230.  #230Daria on January 2, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Lizka – I feel unconfortable to say this … It sounds like you’re avoiding a lot of your feelings by blaming the people there… There’s lots of deep healing available to you there with some perspective shifts and going under the judgements.

  231.  #231Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    And i am very bad. I saw E online and i sent him a message. Maybe it’s leaning foward but I don’t see it like that. I just need someone to talk amd he is a good friend and he is there.

  232.  #232Ella on January 2, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    But I am open and receptive to learning and healing.

    I had a friend once who when we were talking openly said she thought my weakness was that I don’t seem confident on a one to one level.

    That always stuck with me and bugged me.

    Also male housemate said something similar about me after we had our brief moment…

    He was drunk and that is when he actually relates to people and talks about stuff like this, and he mentioned how he noticed its weird because when I walk in a room I am the kind of person that can have every person turn round and pay attention, because I shine, but then I can lose it, and he says he can see it, its written all over my face. Something changes and its as though I doubt myself and then all the confidence drains out of me and I can’t do it (I think he was refering to having a relationship here. This was after I took a step back and refused to row the boat and then his now girlfriend, who is very willing to do that filled the gap).

    I don’t know maybe its nothing.

    Maybe I am just super sensitive about this issue where others would just brush it iff as not important.

    But I have noticed these comments. And internalised them a bit.

    It really bugs me. I don’t want to be seen as underconfident.

    And I don’t know if it is really underconfident or just not leaning forward, which looks a lot different from what most people do.

    But I have read Rori say that when we have our vibe right we can stay leaned back and be compelling to men and they will experience us as confident women.

    Which is what makes me think that some of it must be a lack of self confidence on my part.

    Spose it doesn’t matter really.

    As long as I love it and accept it.

  233.  #233Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Daria – I know. I try not to judge but it’s hard when I see behaviors lile these. Don’t you agree? And my father did tell me that she doesn’t like me. He said it. 🙁

  234.  #234Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Yeah Ella. It seems like a belief that maybe your NVs sit on your neck and whisper in your ear sometimes. Maybe unconsciously you adjust your body language when you hear that voice? It might be worth practicing some body language in the mirror with different voices that you hear in your head. Maybe visualizing as Margaret Lynch teaches: closing your eyes and imagining a room full of people and shout out “I AM CONFIDENT” and see what you imagine these people’s reactions are telling you. See what their body language is saying and see how you feel having said it out loud”. You might even try tapping “even though I feel all these feelings of insecurities/unconfidence I honor them. I am open to being confident” or something along those lines. Maybe if possible get the tapping videos and work through them tapping on your feelings related to confidence. It might help your brain shift.

    I am not saying they are right about you. The fact that you acknowledge that it is something you struggle with suggests that you owned the belief.

  235.  #235Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    April Rose – I feel really resistant and don’t want to talk about it.

    I actually feel mad that I feel pressured.

    My stuff, sorry if this triggers you.

    I feel mad!

    I feel like yelling!

    I don’t want to talk to her! I feel so angry! I don’t trust myself to not attack .

    And I know I won’t, I’ll shut down. Maybe I’ll attack a bit

    I fel scared!

    I don’t want to deal with this and I won’t. Until I feel ready and it feels natural and downhill

    Like margaret lunch said, when the 3rd chakra is healed we naturally take action

    I don’t have to push it… And I won’t.

    I love me.

    Wow I feel a 3rd chakra tightness!!!!!

    I WON’T!!!

    Stubborn resistance!

    I love my stubborn resistance

    Wow I probably create mucho separation and distance by refusing to talk – cool to notice this

  236.  #236Starla on January 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    i went on my date. i enjoyed the hike but i felt not good with him. he wasn’t all that cool with helping me through dangerous parts, and he constantly joked about hurting me or letting me get hurt.

    i felt not very taken cared of and turned off.

    and i was SO sireny about it. the whole time i told him when i didn’t want something, or if i felt afraid.

    i would tell him i felt afraid by a steep icy path and he would do nothing or try to make me feel inadequate, lol

    i was very slow and sireny, and i didn’t let it trigger me.

    also my nice white sneakers are totally destroyed because he took me to the muddiest hill in the world lol.

    after a certain point i just started fantasizing about ian when i got spaced out and quiet.

    it felt good to be able to practice the tools without fear of consequence. i did a really good job. and this is now the 3rd date with Alaska and i’m not feeling it at all. I like who he is but he’s not that nice of a guy. He’s on of those nice guys you have to “crack.” not interested. we were on a steep cliff and i felt unsafe. it should never have to be like that.

    btw i’m a good hiker usually! it was just extra hard.

  237.  #237Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Lizka – I feel challenged w my own fam.

    The healing is Under the judgements – its still all about you, not abandoning yourself to judging but staying w your feelings.

    I’m not saying this to say you did wrong or you are bad. You don’t have to look under the judgements of you don’t want to now. But there is huge healing there and it Is available to you for when you feel pulled to it.

    So just know that whatever seems to be happening on the outside, it is all healing if you intend it to.

    And I intend it for you.

  238.  #238Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    River girl, Daria and Turquoise 🙂 I feel happy the “downstream vision” inspired you!! I felt inspired by Rori and Abraham and combined them… 🙂

    Turquoise!!! So good to hear from you!!! 🙂 yes…love yourself up 🙂 I wrote an ebook, it’s free “The TRUTH About Weight Loss” you can click on my name 🙂 I am starting a new book…and I think it’s going to be called “Down Stream Weight Loss” or something to that effect…

    k…so with E…he wanted to get together tonight…I expressed that I don’t drive to men…now he’s concerned that I’m not willing to put in the effort??!! I expressed that I feel special and taken care of when the man comes to me…and he said he feels special if I would drive to him too…ugggg..now what???

  239.  #239Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Lush – I have the margaret lynch program if you or other sirens would like to use it. Email me at magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com

  240.  #240Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Jilly you made me laugh. I have to admit that I said something similar to a very step up cd. He kept repeating the question and I kept telling him I refuse to pine over any man. Every time I notice my thoughts going towards someone I stop myself and move it back to me. I love myself too much to go there. I leave the thinking to them and keep feeling happy in my savory juices. Then I go “Damn I’m good” I’m silly I know.

    One other guy yesterday came and said what’s up sexy. I broke into the song “I’m sexy and I know it”. He almost died laughing telling me how he loves it and we both broke out in a jig.

  241.  #241Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    If anyone would like to donate $5 to me you can also do so at that address (thru PayPal)

    It would feel fun and surprising and encouraging to get $5 donations right now 🙂

  242.  #242Starla on January 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    he joked about wanting to take me home. i asked him if he wanted to really take me home. he said no. i was like ohhh i felt confused hearing that.

    i never said more than i had to about the ‘negative’ stuff, and the positive stuff still carried on, so i had a nice time anyway.

    i noticed myself wanting to find faults with him, and that felt interesting to notice too!

    and i feel really good about the experience and all the wonderful practice i got today, and the chance to feel my way through everything.

    actually it rocks

    actually i feel good about this man now because he gave me this chance to practice

    aww he is great. i just don’t see him as being a good partner for someone like me.

    aww wonderfulness

  243.  #243Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Just tell him “you’re right” Jilly “I know the feeling but I am the girl here and I don’t drive to men it feels unnatural. I feel silly about this but I feel very old fashioned when it comes to romance”. Or something to that effect. Keep saying it but try to keep the feeling of entitlement out by saying it like it is the first time you are telling him.

  244.  #244Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    I feel huge anger

    My sister said on the phone (last time)

    That I am guilty. That I left from over there ciz I feel guilty, and so I’m guilty.

    I said no.

    I Do feel guilty for causing her pain. I’m a bad sister. I wouldn’t want her to be hanging out around my baby daddy – bug only cuz I don’t trust her. I do think she would get w my baby daddy.

    I’ve noticed her somewhat flirting or receiving attention from my men before.

    Maybe it’s ok for her to receive attention, the way it can be for me around a couple.

    I don’t trust her, but have higher standard for myself cuz ‘I am better’

    Which means like I can ignore my feelings and our other regular humans first

    I don’t deserve to be angry

    I am shameful and sick/icky fir cresting this situation

    I feel so mad!

    I love me

    I live my anger
    NAND wow it’s not about her or blaming her

    This is an pop for me to heal that deep stuff

    I always said that being around her will tea h me to jut be scarce to express my anger the way she isn’t

    Wow this is it thus is his it starts

    Whoa it feels kinda overwhelming

    So much love to me

  245.  #245Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    FW..you are making me laugh! I LOVE that song…it makes me want to dance every time!! yes I’m staying leaned back and relaxed…watching the scenery 😉 he can figure it out..I KNOW he’s never dated anyone like me because he’s doesn’t know what to say..and then…neither do I 🙂 ALL practice 🙂

    Everything i want is downstream anyway…lalala 🙂

    Starla…yay!! you rocked it on your hike! 🙂

  246.  #246April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm


    I didn’t intend to pressure you. I don’t think so anyway. I’m not sure of my motives for what I wrote you, other than curiosity and support – I don’t want to see you held back by fear. Fear is a lifelong companion and I believe there is no getting rid of it.

    Good book by Susan Jeffers ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’. You may have read it, it’s about twenty years old now and a classic.

  247.  #247Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Ella – You know, many people fear getting up on a stage in front of other people more than they fear death?

    But you obviously find that totally ok and I saw your Zumba video and I did not detect even a hint of a lack of confidence there!

    Do you think that maybe the lack of confidence thing is based more around intimacy hence why you struggle more on a personal level?

    The only reason I ask is because I can talk under water if you get me in a group or on a stage, but I also struggle one on one sometimes – especially with guys and I think it’s an intimacy thing with me… Especially when I don’t know someone that well.

  248.  #248Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Thank you Daria. I really appreciate your feedback. I know I should heal that and try to work this.

    But this will not change the fact that I feel trapped. If I want to Lean back and take care of myself, I am very limited because i am confined in the same house and no way to escape to do things I like. The only thing I have to myself is a book to read. I can open it whenever I want and it feels good. But I don’t have access to Internet when I want. And except for the beach and the pool (during the day and only if it’s not raining), i have no where to go and I feel not good being so limited. There’s not one restaurant, one bar, one store that I can go without a car. I feel really lonely and far from the rest of the world and from my right to take care of me and do what I want. I feel totally at their mercy and they can control everything I do, except for me reading or sleeping…

  249.  #249Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Just read this saying “holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.

  250.  #250Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    FW…yes…I am staying aware to how I say it..I don’t want it to come across as me “telling” him what to do..or “it’s only my way” I am the yummy pie…with sparkles and shimmers and a sexy sheer enticing cape…and I am the air he needs to breathe 🙂

    let’s see how that works 😉

  251.  #251Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    I have been practicing telling men I don’t want to put forth effort, i ferl like im a princess (note to self babysteps to goddess) and I only want to date a man who wants to put forth all the effort to romance me

  252.  #252Ella on January 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm


    You Rock!

  253.  #253Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    I do sag of hhag way with lots of brat

    If feels scary

    I say it w kind voice too

    I don’t want a man who doesn’t Want to do everything for me.

    That’s the truth so I feel glad if they drop out then. Most don’t tho most have stepped up or said they understood

  254.  #254Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I told E I was not enjoying my vacation. He said I can call him in 10 minutes.

    Should I tell him what is happening here and how bad I fe? Or should I just be nice and curious about how his vacation is going and chat about something else than my family problema?

    What do you think?

  255.  #255Daria on January 2, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Lizka – it Will change that you feel trapped. It might even change it Forever, so you feel more powerful and not trapped in your life.

    It seems your brain wants to go to the pattern of obsessing and analyzing now – there’s lots of feelings under that in your body

    I know my brain has that pattern too and I’m do drawn to thinking about my sister situation now

    It’s all babysteps

  256.  #256Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I would let him lead the conversation but look for opportunities to express how I feel, what I am looking forward to during the new year and how it would feel when I get back to my nice cozy home and the job I enjoy so much. I certainly would not ask him about his vacation.

  257.  #257Liz on January 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    FW @ 166
    Thanks for the link to the free teleseminar calling in the one….
    I am looking forward to it…

  258.  #258Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Yes Daria..I agree…I want a man to WANT to do things for me…he keeps saying that he has the biggest heart and that I’ll see but I have to put some effort in too…

    ya that feels bad ..I don’t really know what to say to that though…that’s when I say…I don’t know what to say

    he lives about 45 mins away…

    men have driven farther for me 🙂 oh pipeliner 🙂

  259.  #259Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Thank you FW. Will call him now and let you know how it went.

  260.  #260Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Jilly this “put some effort in too” feels so heavy to me that I am having visions of bulky sweaty strong muscles on a bodybuilder, pumping iron. Feels too masculine to me.

  261.  #261Liz on January 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    I am feeling curious, what does it mean you said goodbye to dollbaby? Goodbye for the night?

    You said you were flying solo?

    Details? Please?

  262.  #262Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Ah bouh. My signal is not strong enough I can not call him. I hear him but he doesn’t… Lol, just like in real life. Hehe

    I guess I will stay lonely tonight.

  263.  #263Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    I am imagining myself being sassy flirty “a big heart? You mean a big heart like Mother Theresa”?

  264.  #264FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    FW, Thank you for posting about the ‘Calling in the One’ class. The call I have is from about a year ago. This sounds like it’s more involved and has more information. (Not that the call I have didn’t…but it was only about 50 minutes, or so and was called a “call” rather than a “class.”)

    Daria…I see where it might seem like I’m angry from that statement, but I’m not. And I’m also not going to try too hard to convince anyone of that 😉

    There were many years I spent in anger over all this stuff. Right now, I haven’t the energy to be angry and what I truly feel is more like the ‘lay down and give up’ feeling. I honestly see how futile it is. The pattern/s just keep on repeating over and over again and it’s tiresome. The help I’ve given recently, while possibly being a bit foolish, was given with love and I don’t even regret it.

    What I do regret is thinking that I could “buy” more love than he’s capable of giving and that if I ‘helped’ enough he would finally cherish me and want me to feel safe and secure and protected. My mistake was in the intention…not in the giving. Does that make sense? (Ouch…how embarrassing to even type that. Yikes….)

    Anger, at this point, doesn’t serve me any longer. I feel more sadness and deep disappointment. And even that, is with myself for taking so long to face reality. I’ve been fighting that ‘ick’ feeling inside for such a long time. Such a long, long time.

    I’m going to go back and read up on the suggestions for when he calls me. Thank you for your help.

  265.  #265Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Lizka…what if you did some pray rain journaling?

    It’s a great practice and it would be good therapy too…

    If you don’t know what it is, it’s when you have a situation that isn’t what you want…or you want a future situation to be better you write about it exactly how you want it…

    I’ve done this alot..with everything..like say I get an “unexpected” bill and I don’t believe it’s correct…so before taking ANY action I write how I want the interaction to go…

    I call the billing place and the woman is so friendly and she is so genuine…she realizes that it was a mistake…and it is easily taken care of 🙂

    and in this instance..I actually received a $130 refund!!! can you believe that?

    so anyway..maybe you could write about your situation how you want it to go?

    What do you think?

  266.  #266Ella on January 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    BW re 240,


    That post makes me feel a lot better.

    Yes it could be an intimacy thing too in some scenarios.

    I have often found one on one quite intense, although that is healing.

    Oh, and I got over my issues around being touched. For a while after I split with my ex I was afraid of letting men touch me, I don’t just mean sexually, I mean cuddling and caressing too.

    I had this funny idea that it would feel bad to touch me, like my energy was somehow toxic and bad and that they would feel that, and I was afraid to touch them, where it got to the point literally where I felt afraid to touch them.

    Esp with people like J, who I consider beautiful and I felt really attracted to.

    And I actually spoke up about that fear with J, which felt just about one of the most terrifying and uncomfortable things I have ever done.

    But I think it was the first step.

    And now I don’t feel like that at all.

    I love being touched, And cuddled.

    And I think they are lucky to have me cuddling them and it must feel good.

    Now I am working on that with my vibe day to day.

    I had this thing at work for a while where I felt worried that in the close vicinity of the bar people would feel my energy and it would be bad and repel them, and I actually felt really paranoid about it.

    But now I visuliaze shiny sparkles of love bubbling up inside me and spilling over into the space around me and trickling down over my body like the waterfall.

    And usually it feels a lot better.

    I wonder if I can shift the confidence thing too?

    Like maybe I can speak it out loud, to just me or to another person ‘I am feelin under confident and shy’ or ‘I am feeling awkward and shy’

    And then see how I feel.

    Oh and I shifted and healed my worries about sex too.

    About a year or so ago I was posting how I felt afraid to let anyone have sex with me, and that it would feel bad to them and they would reject me, and so my vagina would literally close up and I couldn’t do it.

    Although I have not had much sex whilst totally sober (I know that will probably be judged very negatively and I know it sounds bad but I don’t care) I honestly believe I have healed my issues around sex.

    I no longer feel afraid of it.

    And I have had good sex again. For a while I believed I would never have good sex again.

    I needed to sleep with some people to get to that. I maybe could have done it within a relationship but I wasn’t in one.

    Some people may disagree but I have healed it and it feels great.

    I feel excited about having good sex now in the future with a man where there is also emotional comittment.

    I love sex.

    And I am looking forward to having these experiences, and any akwardness that comes up too, stone cold sober.


    So now I have healed that, now it is about reiging it in so that I an emotional bond gets built first.

    Don’t get me wrong, I do not sleep with every man I date, with most I have been practicing buidling emotional connection, using the tools etc…

    I feel so good about how much I have healed.

    And I can’t believe, it really works.

    These men, this dating, this blog have helped me heal.

    Thank You.

  267.  #267Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    I just leaned foward for nothing…

  268.  #268Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    FlowerChild trust me you are not alone. So many of us have done that kind of thing. The good thing is that you are aware now. I feel like you have given up. Maybe that is the best place for you to be right now.

  269.  #269Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Oh jilly this is a super good idea!! And what do I do after? I give it to my father or it stays to me and i try to live it?

  270.  #270Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I’m feeling turned off about putting in effort..yuck

  271.  #271Rose on January 2, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Thank you Rose for taking care of me today..

    Thank you for checking to be sure you didn’t feel up to date today and honoring goddess rest time..

    Thank you for taking that relaxing bath with new vanilla bath salts, it felt amazing..

    Thank you for taking care of my skin and moisturizing and exfoliating..

  272.  #272Ella on January 2, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    FW re 227.

    Thank you.

    That is really helpful.

    It does feel terrifying to me to imagine shouting out loud that I am confident.

    I immediately feel bad and guilty and like shriveling.

    I will experiment with my body language and different voices in my head in the mirror.

    And finding a tapping video around this could be really useful.


  273.  #273Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Lizka…yay!! this exercise is so transforming!!

    no you write it…get your vibe up and then FORGET about it!!…

    you can then write about E lol

  274.  #274Senior Lady Vibe on January 2, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    @198: T-Girl says:
    “…123 SLV,
    I have looked to myself to see why I am so triggered by the situation and I do know why….”

    Well, just for my own opinion… I get a little nervous when I read about new contacts when there is a difficult relationship.

    Talking in third person about Brenda… 😳 but not gossiping. I really enjoyed Brenda’s wit… just as she said… and I didn’t read the posts as hostile. I recognize sometimes things are a little bittersweet too.

    I find for myself also a sense of humour helps. And ultimately each of us will do things our own way because we have different emotional characteristics.


  275.  #275Ella on January 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    The other day when male co-worker was stroking my hair while he was cuddling me it just felt soo good.

    Like so tender and I could feel all his energy pouring onto me, and it was like he was worshipping me and it felt so good.

    And I felt so loved.

    And cosy.

    And I just clung on. And I said that I felt so clingy.

    And he just cuddled me more.

  276.  #276Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Lizka..ya…don’t “try” and live it…just write until you get to a good feeling place and peaceful and then become the “observer” ok 🙂 and then…

    keep us posted!!!!!!!

    my computer is being weird..sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t so if I don’t respond I will as soon as I can..I feel so excited for you lol

  277.  #277FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    “>>>I want a man to WANT to do things for me…he keeps saying that he has the biggest heart and that I’ll see but I have to put some effort in too…”<<<

    #251/Jilly…YES!!! This is what I feel and what I want. He never said or indicated that I had to "put some effort in too"—that came from my mind and myself.

    But, yeah…I want him to WANT me to feel safe and cherished. (Ooohh…that word makes me cry…it hurts so much.)

    Ok…back to reading….

  278.  #278Lush_Oasis on January 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    @236 FW (in RE: Jilly) … FW, I feel thankful for your way with words. You express the FMs so poetically. I have a ways to go yet.

    -baby steps- (kudos to the Siren starting that phrase) 🙂

    Daria … I feel bad that I don’t have $5 to spare … 🙁 Thank you for the offer to share the tapping videos. I have her series on my favorites bar, and I think it offers 3 areas for free … I haven’t had time to dedicate to the website to understand much past the first couple chakra tappings. 🙂

    @Starla #229
    — The hike sounds amazing. I would feel so pure and free to be on the cliff-side that’s covered in snow. I have always felt fascinated by the snow and how pure and innocent and fresh it is after it lands and when nothing / no one has had the chance to make it dirty and turn it to slush.

  279.  #279LILI 41 on January 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm


    Thank you for sharing that BW.

    I had the same NVs that you had.

    While I was away visiting my family for 7 days, I had this NV telling me that D would go spend a holiday evening w the neighbours (the invasive lady neighbour and her husband). He was not working on Xmas day.
    I was going over in my mind about how he would be spending Xmas eve with his family and he would be alone on Xmas evening.
    As I know him not being able to be alone for long…I thought he might go over to spend some time with the neighbours, eventhough he told me he needed to stay away from the lady neighbour bc she causes him nothing but trouble (his own words not mine).

    The day I came back, he eagerly came to pick me up at the bus terminal.
    He told me over dinner that he had gone to the neighbours’ to share a bottle.
    I was so triggered that I was shaking.
    I told him “you will say what I want to hear just to keep me when I want to break up with you. You said you needed to keep away bc you see how she likes to make trouble, but you can’t. I know you can’t stand to be lonely, and I know it’s not right for me to choose who your friends are or tell you what to do, but I can’t help the way I feel.”
    He said he went over there to share the bottle w her husband not her.
    I bit my tongue, but what I had in my mind was the time we went to her husband’s bday party. He walked in the door and went straight to her while ignoring her husband, then spent the entire evening w his eyes glued on her.
    I had already brought that up in the past and I stopped myself from bringing it up again.
    I judged him in my mind as being a hypocrit. He had pretended to be his friend while eyeing his wife.
    Now he’s saying he wanted to share the bottle w him and not her.
    What I did say was “You say your friends w him, but she’s the one clinging to you like saran wrap not him.”
    I asked him “You said you don’t like her behaviour, have you ever told her? Have you ever told her how you don’t like her aiming at triggering me on FB?”
    He said I’m sure she got it now and she will stop.
    I said “I don’t think she got it, bc you don’t say anything to avoid upsetting her and you’re still seeing her. You’re encourageing her behaviour.
    I feel angry and I’m having a hard time getting over the vacation situation.
    She gets you for vacation and she gets you for Xmas.
    I don’t know if I can ever get over it. That can’t do any good for our relationship.”
    He said she just tagged along w her sisters for the vacation after he had already booked w his friends.
    I replied “So you have to encourage her clinging by going to her house to share a bottle w her husband?”

    As you can read, I know I’m lowsy at FMs, but he did say that he appreciated knowing where I stand and how I feel. He said “There are no secrets w you, you are like an open book, I appreciate your honesty.”
    I replied “I am trying to learn how to express myself in a less attacking way and better manage my anger, but until I do I would rather be honest and not hide my feelings from you.”

    We left it there.
    I remembered your story and your advice BW.
    I managed to toss the whole story aside by dessert, shift my vibe and have a great time for the rest of the evening and the rest of the week.

    Tonight he was supposed to finish work at a certain time. He called to tell me that he is staying late bc a guy had to go home early w the flu.
    He was very apologetic saying that he needs the money.
    I said “yeah you need the money to go to Vegas w me!”
    I added ” you gave me such a great week that I feel satisfied and fine letting you go for an evening.
    Allthough I give you a very hard time, I have to let you know the good things too. I had a good time with you after I got back, I had a great time at NYE and last night was a wonderful relaxing evening, I really enjoyed it.”
    He said “Yeah, it was great just relaxing quietly together w a long bath followed by an interesting documentary we were both so into. I had a great evening too, and I slept so well that today I’m in top shape for the 1st time in a very long time.”
    He sounded very happy and content.

    I’m not perfect but I do want to give myself the best.

  280.  #280Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    264 Rose –

    I feel inspired. I want to do things for me that feels thankful for myself too. When I go back to the house, I will do my bed to sleep in a comfortable bed. And I will take car of my skin too. I love doing that. Too bad i don’t have a moisturizing mask with me, it would feel so nice. But I could paint my nails maybe. And drink water too. And tomorrow I will go do my jog and ask gently if I can use the car to go to the museum. I will date myself and maybe grab a drink on a terrasse somewhere close to the ocean. That would feel great.

  281.  #282Sun Goddess on January 2, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I’m not feeling very goddessy right now. How can I change this? Maybe a warm bath in candlelight! Oooo, that would feel lovely. I will go do that.

  282.  #283Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Ella, I was listening to Reconnect last night and Rori was saying to sink right into your bad feelings and really feel them, so you’re not stuffing. And then of course it’s time to convince yourself that you’re feeling confident, even if you’re not! 😉

  283.  #284Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Lizka..you are sounding better already!!

    Rose…I love reading “thank yous” 🙂

  284.  #285Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Oh thank you Jilly!! I don’t have a paper and a pen here in the club house, but as soon as i get to my room, i will right it down. Or maybe i could write it in my phone. Yay!! I will weite down everything I want to happen in the last 3 days of my trip.

    Thank you! Already feeling better.

  285.  #286Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Flowerchild77..yes!! we will have this 🙂 I feel sure of it 🙂

  286.  #287Rose on January 2, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    #273 Lizka yum I love the things you are planning for yourself, yes do all those things for you, paint my nails sounds like a good one for me later..:-D

    I love the thank you exercise it helpsme keep track and noticing I am taking care of myself..

  287.  #288Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Jilly I felt smiley reading your text answer “if you are not in front of me” answer..:-D

  288.  #289Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    272 Lili – I think you reacted in almost exactly the same way I would have! But so glad it turned out how it did!

    And like you, I’m not there yet and thank goodness for babysteps! 😉

  289.  #290Ella on January 2, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    BW re 257

    Yes, I want to sink… but not focus on.

    If you get what I mean.

    I don’t want to stuff but I also want to choose the positive, helpful thoughts and feelings.

    I am already starting to feel a lot better around this.


  290.  #291Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    283 Ella – yep I agree. For me it would be about spending a moment to just feel the feeling. Then change my focus on to a more positive feeling. Tell a new “story” in my head that is in direct contrast to the NVs.


  291.  #292Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Ha! I made a pact to myself to not contact TH at all while he’s at work and I’m at home and this morning he started messaging me, sending me links to apartments he’s looking at buying.

    I feel good that he’s no longer “ignoring” me during the day like he used to – I’m now receiving at least one message a day while he’s at work. I feel really happy about that! 😀

    Oh and he transferred a heap more money into my account for “safekeeping” so he doesn’t spend it.

    He obviously trusts me with his savings…

  292.  #293Liz on January 2, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Hi Brenda!

    What do you mean you said goodbye to Dollbaby?
    Does this mean just for the night or another meaning?

    I am just feeling curious what is going on in your world…


  293.  #294April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Am I weird to feel this?

    I have had about six dates with a man I really like.
    Today I feel relieved and happy that he DIDN’T call or text!

    He seems besotted with me.
    I suspect he is having an imaginary relationship because, when he sees me, I get a great big hug and he says “I’ve missed you. I haven’t seen you all day”.

    I’m worried that he sees himself in an imaginary relationship with me.

    I have been to his house a few times – a mistake perhaps? He only lives three miles away from me. He has offered countless times to come and pick me up to take me out. That will be my next step.

    He knows I live with someone and that I’ve begun taking gentle steps to go out on dates outside of that 3-year relationship.

    Yet it all feels as if its been moving fast. At his pace. I want things to slow down.
    When I next see him I’ll say “Thank you, I feel more relaxed. I appreciate that you have taken the pressure off, and it feels good. I don’t want to move too quickly. I’m enjoying your company and getting to know you”.

    He has tried to kiss me. I want to say “I’m attracted to you. But I don’t want to kiss you because kissing you will make me emotionally attached to you”.

  294.  #295Liz on January 2, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Ella @ 268

    Is this a different male coworker than the thaicurry malecoworker?

    It sounds so great, like you were practicing the waterwheel exercise in real life…….


  295.  #296Liz on January 2, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    April Rose @ 287

    I feel like you are saying just the right things….great feeling messages…..

    he seems to really like you……

    how do you feel about him?

  296.  #297Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Well…alas…E has decided not to drive down…that’s ok 🙂 this one is weeding himself out…and I feel just as happy staying right here tonight 🙂

  297.  #298Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Flower child – the anger is the key

    The laying down feeling often comes for me in top of anger

    I feel worried that won’t be heard … I wish it were

    Once you start feeling the anger again you are right on the path to healing

  298.  #299Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    “kissing you will make me emotionally attached to you” Is this thought true?

    Are you sure that you are not just feeling awkward/weird and just want to keep him at arm’s length?

  299.  #300Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Something I do is try to imagine my anger when I don’t feel it. I take all judgemental thoughts in my head as signs that I feel angry

  300.  #301Ella on January 2, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Liz re 288

    No it is the same one.


  301.  #302Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Jilly he will test your boundaries he is a man.
    Also if he just rolled over and gave you want you want it might feel icky. You want him to feel inspired to giving it to you because he wants to. Remaining soft and warm while holding your boundary might inspire him. He will be intrigued by your feminine strength and softness.

  302.  #303Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    He is a man, his emotional brain needs a little time to catch up to yours.

  303.  #304Liz on January 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm


    What do you sirens think about this? I had a guy emailing me on POF and he would say the same thing over and over.

    You are RADIANT.

    next email

    You are GORGEOUS.

    next email

    You are a RADIANT and absolutely GORGEOUS woman.

    So I used my feeling messages and said thank-you.
    Then I appreciate the compliment.
    Then thank-you, but I would feel more comfortable emailing you if I knew more about you. (His profile was short)

    He emails me back telling me about how authentic he is and fun.

    I email back saying I like authentic….what do you do for work?

    He writes back that he is trying to win my heart and take care of me and my son. And he drove truck for 30 years.

    So I felt like we were not a good match, since I teach college courses and he drives truck. How do I go about gently letting someone go? I wouldn’t care if he drove truck or was a laborer if it seemed like he had more intellectual curiousity than he was displaying……

    Sirens? I told him thank-you for chatting with me tonight, but I felt like we were not a good fit and he was upset with me. Or does Rory advise us to go out with everyone who asks?

    I have heard someone say go out with anyone with a heartbeat…..

  304.  #305Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    287 April Rose – I’ve come across guys a bit like that in the past (pre Rori) and it turned me right off!

    I’d be talking via just email or IM and a day or two later they’re telling me how much I mean to them and how much they missed me. What the…????

    Looks like you have the scripts right about what to say to him though. 🙂

  305.  #306April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm


    Thanks for liking the things I want to say.

    How do I feel about him?
    I am fascinated by him and feel very turned on in his presence.
    I feel thrilled when he is confident, and a bit bored when he is silly and giggly. I like his masculine traits more than his little boy ones.

  306.  #307Liz on January 2, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Hi Ella,
    Did this happen before he asked you to do thai curry?
    it sounds really intruiging….that he would be ready to give to you…

  307.  #308Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Ahhh Jilly i did it! I wrote everything diwn and now I can’t wait to go back to the house and to all the things that I wrote! What a wonderful idea!!! I love it!!

    I wrote it in my phone since I had no paper and I will keep reading it a few times a day to make sure I follow it and I do only what is written. No judging people, just do my plan like I want it to be.


  308.  #309FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Also….I am leaning back because it is what I need to do for ME…because, as FW said, it is the best place for me to be right now.

    I have never been a vengeful person and have no feelings of wanting to ‘punish’ him for anything. I earnestly own my part in all of this. It gives me hope to take responsibility for my own stuff. No one else should have that much power.

    I just read Daria’s post to me about anger and wanted to respond.

  309.  #310April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    I’m wondering is there a way to inspire a man to display more of his manly qualities and less of his little boy ones?

  310.  #311April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I could say
    “I feel turned on when you talk to me that way”

  311.  #312Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I will leave the club house now and will have no access to internet for the rest of the day, but I will keep you posted tomorrow of how it worked for my few first hour. Lol i even wrote it for tomorrow morning. “having breakfast while checking my Facebook and catching up with the blog before going to jog” hehe

  312.  #313Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    FlowerChild put your hand on your heart and send a blanket of love and forgiveness to yourself from your hand. You could possibly be angry at yourself?

  313.  #314Liz on January 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Hi Starla,

    I like your positive, adventurous spirit when out with Alaska hiking. I feel inspired to practice staying in my siren space, though that must have felt hard to not go into masculine, i am competent space.

    How will I ever shed my tomboy persona and become an alluring siren?
    My father he really wanted me to be a boy and could I ever play baseball….
    not so good for catching boyfriends though, but i was a hell of a shortstop.

  314.  #315Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    April Rose: Rori says the key to a great man is how you feel about yourself when you are in his presence.

  315.  #316Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Oh I forgot to tell you guys my cute little story!

    My baby girl (she’s 4 years old – almost 5) drew a picture for TH while he was out last night and it had love hearts all over it. She told me the hearts were because she loved him because he was “soooo funny!”.

    So this morning she handed her little gift to him and his face just lit up and when I asked her to tell him what the hearts were about, she said “Because I love you!”. Hehe! He flashed her a big smile at that! 🙂

    She’s such a cutie!

  316.  #317Ella on January 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Hi Liz,

    Yes it happened before the Thai curry invite, on NYE… we were cuddling and chatting.

  317.  #318Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    I feel bad

    Sorry for pressuring

    I feel guilty

    I feel angry

    I feel sigh

    I love my feelings.

  318.  #319Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Liz that could serve you, you never know. Maybe you could take yourself to dates involving games or hang out at ball parks to watch.

  319.  #320Liz on January 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Bw and April Rose @ 298

    So what are the good feeling scripts for guys who say they are really into you and they have just seen your pics?

    I hope this teleseminar coming up shifts my vibe so i attract a different kind of man…..

  320.  #321Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    309 BW –

    How cute. You are lucky to have two little girls for you and to take care of. 🙂

  321.  #322April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Femininewoman *292

    “kissing you will make me emotionally attached to you” Is this thought true?

    Are you sure that you are not just feeling awkward/weird and just want to keep him at arm’s length?

    There are a couple of things here.
    1. Kissing feels like cheating. I don’t want to get into a guilty mess.

    2. I feel incredibly physically turned on by this man. There’s no way I’d trust myself to kiss him and stop there.
    I understand to hold off as long as possible before having sex with a man that I would consider having a relationship with.

    3. I find kissing incredibly sexy and yes, my heart gets pulled in and I get attached.

  322.  #323Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    I have never been a vengeful person suggests to me a judgement and denying a part of oneself. Maybe a 3rd cakra vow that I will Never be like you (someone who seemed that way in our childhood)

  323.  #324Ella on January 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Its all practice, its all practice,

    La la la la la.

  324.  #325Jilly on January 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    FW…that felt really good to hear 🙂 Thank you…yes he is testing me…a little bit…

    I could do some pray rain journaling about this situation…but I’m going to put my own twist on it…

    After E and I hung up from the phone he couldn’t believe how happy I sounded…he is so intrigued by me because I’m not the usual woman. He is now on his way to get something to eat and he can’t stop thinking about me 🙂 how easy it is to talk to me and how he wants to learn more..he’s feeling a little bad now that he didn’t want to drive down…it’s such a small thing really, he’s wondering why he even made a big deal about it…this woman is totally worth it!

    that’s it…I’m outta there…the universe is working it’s magic

    Lizka….lol…yay…ok I feel curious what you wrote down and now you are going to do…you aren’t supposed to DO anything silly…the magic is in writing it and then doing NOTHING about it…unless you are painting your nails or something fun 🙂

  325.  #326Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    315 April Rose. I always feel the same way. Totally understand how you feel. Not sure it’s a good thing for me thought. If I do a deep exam o my soul, I realise that tese reasons are not 100% true. Thats how it is for me.

  326.  #327Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    April Rose – Rori encourages us to allow a man to kiss us when he tries

    It can be just a couple seconds if it doesn’t feel good.

  327.  #328Ella on January 2, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Night Nighty Sirens.

  328.  #329LILI 41 on January 2, 2012 at 5:48 pm


    Wow BW!

    That is a big sign of trust to me.

  329.  #330Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Liz – you don’t let a man go because he drives a truck

    open up to men and use feeling messages and practice with them… They don’t have to be a good match

    What matters is how you feel about yourself around a man. Bad behavior can disqualify him

  330.  #331Lizka on January 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Jilly – oh I wrote only fun stuff in there. I would copy paste it but I wrote it all in French.

    I’m off for the night mow. Thank you for your support. Have a good night. xoxo

  331.  #332April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    At some stage I will need to ‘test’ a man to find out if the kissing and sex feel fantastic.

    It is a necessary part of the ‘happy’ in my requirement for
    “a man who makes me feel loved, cared for, happy and secure.”

  332.  #333Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    When guys are into you and you are unconfortarecipes judging them for it

    it’s a sign of not feeling comfortable to receive and be worshipped by a man who wants to give to you

    The more comfortable we get with it and receive it the more we attract better men

    (doesn’t mean that particular man is necessarily good… Just that he is a man who can worship like a good man)

  333.  #334Sun Goddess on January 2, 2012 at 5:54 pm


    You’re back! It feels good to see you here.

    Sun Goddess fka Ice Princess

  334.  #335Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    313 Liz, I suppose it would depend on how you feel.

    I would be inclined to say that I feel uncomfortable because we’ve not had a chance to get to know each other yet.

  335.  #336Daria on January 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Wow I feel overwhelmed giving advice

    And I think my heart is closed

    I’m going from 3rd chakra do

    I love me

    I want to do stuff for myself

    I feel dissapointed PerfectDate cd has stood me up for the last min date he suggested

  336.  #337Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    314 Lizka – yes I am very blessed to have my girls and am grateful every day for having them in my life because they bring so much joy. 🙂

  337.  #338Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    “Kissing feels like cheating”. Does it feel like cheating when you kiss the man you live with?

    Kissing is just kissing. I am not sure what cheating “feels” like.

  338.  #339April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 5:58 pm


    I liked the feel of that truck driver, from what he wrote.

    But I suppose you’d need to be brave and meet him before you write him off.

  339.  #340Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Night Ella! xx

    And yep Lili, he definitely trusts me. Although it’s not like I can run very far because we work together! lol

    He also knows where I live seeing as he’s spent every night here for the last few weeks! 😀

    It actually works very well for us because we bank with the same bank. So if he ever needs the money, I can do a transfer with my phone and it’s instant.

    I so love technology! 🙂 He’s also inspired me to take a long hard look at my finances and to fix them!

  340.  #341Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    By the way Rori says not to make snap judgements about men. If I am not mistaken she suggests having at least 5 dates with them before making decisions to let them go.

  341.  #342FlowerChild77 on January 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    FW and Daria…if there is any anger it would be toward myself. During times when I was feeling hopeless and totally discouraged and ‘stuck’ I felt very intense anger at myself.

    I’ve been really doing a lot of work around loving myself and thinking about my inner-child. I have two photos of myself as a child that really help me in learning to take care of me…something I never learned to do before now.

    I look at that chubby little toddler and the chubby-faced curly headed three year old child in the picture and want to hold them close and tell them it’s going to be all right…that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s going to be better soon.

    When I was so full of anger I could never have imagined myself ‘caring for’ that hurt, scared little girl inside of me. It probably sounds silly, but it’s helping me and it feels so much better than feeling anger (which for me usually has a ‘blaming’ component with it.)

    There was a time when I needed the anger to make decent decisions and to fuel the action to carry them out. This feels much different.

    I appreciate everyone’s help….

  342.  #343April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    FW 331

    Okay, I think we have a culture clash here.

    Where I come from (school discos, teenage romance)
    KISSING someone else is an outrageous betrayal.

    I feel terrified to kiss another man. He would think I am a slut.
    I want my date to know I DON’T CHEAT.
    I want him to know I wouldn’t cheat on him if I was in a relationship with him.

    Aaargh. This is ingrained deep in my psyche.
    Kissing more than one man = cheating.

  343.  #344LILI 41 on January 2, 2012 at 6:03 pm


    Thanks Sun Goddess! 🙂
    I was looking forward to seeing you here.

    I love your new name, it feels warmer.

  344.  #345Daria on January 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    I feel so angry!

    That I have these ideas about what to do to support sirens feeling better and yet I am not finding ways to express that are inspiring (enough for me to feel satisfied and received)


    Even noticing that anger felt awesome! And putting it into words.. Wow!

    And… The missing cd called, he thought we agreed I would call him when ready. I don’t think it’s perfect date cd anymore… I wonder who it is!!! Hehe will find out when he gets here

  345.  #346April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    p.s. I no longer go to school discos. I am 44 years old.

    I feel embarassed!

    But I stick to my values!!!

  346.  #347April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 6:06 pm


    Was your advice 326 for me?
    About judging a man who is into you?

    I’m just scared by it. Scared by his lack of fear, I guess.

  347.  #348Sun Goddess on January 2, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    337 Lili,

    Thanks! Hope all is going well for you!

  348.  #349Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    336 April Rose – Yeah I think the same way. If TH kissed MW (or anybody else for that matter) I would feel devastated, betrayed, and a whole host of negative feelings. Yuk.

    And I would feel guilty and like I was cheating if I kissed another man.

  349.  #350Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    There is no culture clash. It is the way most of us are socialized. However, I appreciate Rori saying until a man offers us the commitment we want he has no right to assume that he owns us. A kiss is a greeting like a regular handshake. I have learned to open up to allowing dates to kiss me, maybe not all of them all the time but I find some guys hold off doing it until they sense that I have relaxed around doing so.

  350.  #351April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Liz 313,

    I haven’t had any experience of online dating, so I’m just guessing here.
    Are these guys offering a date?
    Until they do, I’d just be very light, playful, and indifferent with them.

  351.  #352April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Liz 313,

    I haven’t had any experience of online dating, so I’m just guessing here.
    Are these guys offering a date?
    Until they do, I’d just be very light, playful, and indifferent with them.

  352.  #353Butterfly Wings on January 2, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Aaahhh I think it depends on the type of kiss!

    A peck on the cheek is perfectly ok. But a passionate kiss would not be ok for me.

  353.  #354Brenda on January 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    In conversation …

    B: I want to fight you!!! (With a big smile)

    R: You want to fight me?!

    B: Yes! I like to wrestle!

    R: Then what?

    B: Then you pin me down to the ground and tickle me!

    R: And who wins?

    B, giggling : You! Every time!

  354.  #355April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I have great long hugs with this man, and a short kiss on the cheek.
    A long kiss on the mouth is what I am avoiding.

  355.  #356Femininewoman on January 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Would anyone with the Toxic Men Program be willing to share the Opt Out Tool and how the Expanding Relationship works?

  356.  #357April Rose on January 2, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    The hugs feel very sexy.
    But not cheating. Yay!!

  357.  #358VW on January 2, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Daria #232:

    Really? wow…that feels bad…:( again…

  358.  #359siren song on January 2, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    i want more dates. i feel eager to go on a date this week.

  359.  #360VW on January 2, 2012 at 6:57 pm


    I see a big difference between sharing information about a program…and giving away the program for free…

    This feels awful…i feel angry…

    I wonder what is that your are gaining from this? Acceptance…friendships…being liked…you are the “go to” kinda person…maybe you like people being dependent on you…i dunno…just questions i ask myself right now…trying to understand where you are coming from…:(

    and yes, i feel angry …

  360.  #361Liz on January 2, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Hi Daria,

    Hey I just got back on. I had to help my son with his math hw…..

    I really appreciate your advice….@ 326 and @329
    BUT, I don’t know what to do about it.
    I feel so hung up on someone being as smart as me….
    I am sure the truckCD is long gone now.

    I did not like what he said on email….he just kept saying I was gorgeous over and over.

    I felt like he was just bs’ing me, and that I am more than just gorgeous….

    I must have something wrong with my internal programming because anytime someone is nice to me I don’t trust it….
    I actually felt insulted, he kept saying I was gorgeous so many times.

    Thanks April Rose for your input too.

    But, you are right, to keep it light and indifferent is a good thing.
    I felt responsible for letting him down easy…..I mean if all we had to talk about was my looks, it might get pretty boring…..

    I have alot to learn about this dating thing.

    I appreciate your feedback.

  361.  #362Liz on January 2, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    when i get to that part, i could share my understanding of the opt-out tool?

  362.  #363Daria on January 2, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    wow so now ive triggerd some kinda situation with my mom

    seems very similar to my situation with my sister

    so my mom started telling me something and i said

    “hold on”

    i was listening to the tv. i practice with this so that i dont abandon myself cuz sometimes i notice i do that ot people please her instead of being authentic about waht i want

    then i said ok mami, whatsup

    and she said she doesnt want to tell me no more

    she felt mad

    she even took her plate and left

    i was like awww im sorry

    and apologized for her feeling bad

    she started attackng me and telling me to get outta there and that shes not gonna tlak to me the whole night

    and yelling

    it felt bad
    and i said so

    but i just felt os much more in contorl of me

    and now my guyfriend just called me and i feel cheered up

    and my CD is outside…

  363.  #364Lush_Oasis on January 2, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    @FW #343

    RE: Kissing …

    I feel intrigued to ask (for the sake of asking, perhaps) … but having had infidelity in my previous relationships [on the male’s behalf], I feel guarded to accept that “kissing” would be so blase as to be considered equal to a handshake.

    I would feel mortified allowing (knowing, accepting, understanding… etc.) that a CD would be behaving in similar manners that he does with me, while on his quest to find a suitor to call his own as well.

    Hmm … I’m feeling possessive about this and foolish to assume that the guy wouldn’t refrain from kissing other women, too.

    Maybe I have the idea out of context by taking it to the CD level as opposed to the more committed relationship level on up to full marriage, etc.

    Perhaps I’m just over analyzing things …


    Am I completely out of the loop on this? 🙂

  364.  #365Starla on January 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    i am leaning back today. the spontaneous cd really helped my vibe. i feel much more centered. CF called while i was on the date and left a nice message leaving me the option of calling him back. i was busy all night with my best friend so i never did. and i just feel like leaning back.

    the CD was a blessing today, because it reminded me in my bones that i am a single girl. it brought a lot of peace to the anxiety i’ve been feeling lately of being wrapped up in one man. getting out and practicing the tools with other men feels really balancing, even if i don’t like them that much. then it’s practice for other things, which is great too.

  365.  #366Turquoise on January 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    A friend had this on facebook today, needed to share!

    Marc and Angel’s Hack Life‘s “30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself” was just too good not to share it in its entirety. Please read…guaranteed nodes and smiles to follow.

    Remember today, for it is the beginning.
    Today marks the start of a brave new future.

    Here it is, a positive ‘to-do’ list for the upcoming year – 30 things to start doing for yourself:
    1.Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.
    2.Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.
    3.Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled.
    4.Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.
    5.Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.
    6.Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.
    7.Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.
    8.Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.
    9.Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.
    10.Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
    11.Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.
    12.Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.
    13.Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.
    14.Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
    15.Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.
    16.Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
    17.Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
    18.Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
    19.Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.
    20.Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.
    21.Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.
    22.Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.
    23.Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.
    24.Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
    25.Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.
    26.Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.
    27.Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
    28.Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.
    29.Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness.
    30.Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

  366.  #367Starla on January 2, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    where is mel?

  367.  #368Lush_Oasis on January 2, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    I feel completely at a loss for what to do in this situation and would appreciate listening to your feedback.

    K … so I’ve been receiving emails from a potential CD[but he doesn’t have a computer – he’s using his cell phone] and limiting his responses to a sentence or two at most. (can’t say I blame him – those are small keys on a phone, eh?)

    But … I feel frustrated b/c it feels to me like I’m expected to control the conversations and I don’t feel comfortable with that. I also mentioned this to CD, that I don’t feel comfortable taking the lead in figuring out where to lead the conversation.

    After a couple more email exchanges, the conversation hasn’t picked up or the energy hasn’t transferred to him, either. So, tonight, I sent a message to thank him for the conversation, but I really don’t feel okay being in the lead and didn’t feel the chemistry existed here to pursue anything …

    He replied that he was sorry … that it was hard to carry a conversation through the phone keyboard … and that he is much different in person than he is through his phone.

    Mind you, he already gave me his phone number once, to which I replied that I didn’t feel comfortable calling him and would rather take a couple more email messages to get to know him more (he provided the number early on — like at message two or three(?)).

    I still don’t know that I have much more than a generic understanding of who this person is … and I feel leary about providing my phone number for him to call.

    What are your thoughts?


    Blah! I feel all icky and frustrated.

    I feel sad, too, b/c I haven’t heard from other CD after yesterday’s dinner outing. He’s the one that invited me by surprise and had a long way to go and the weather wasn’t very helpful.

    I leaned back and didn’t do what I normally do after seeing him. I did not text him or email him to say “thanks. hope you made it home okay … blah blah blah”. And I feel *so* awkward for not having done so. I feel rude. I don’t want to feel that way when he was open and caring and polite to offer the invitation and we had a lovely evening.

    Thoughts are running in my head that CD must thing I’m an insensitive person; that I don’t care; and a million other things I could come up with. Its been a struggle all day not to reach out and say thanks. But, I’ve stood my ground. I don’t want to feel insensitive.


    I did hear from another CD after about a week or so to say Happy New Year. It was an odd conversation (text) though. Very short. It felt cold. But, again, I didn’t lean forward on this either. CD asked what I was doing for today, and I answered that I hadn’t decided yet, but I’d probably feel couped up before too long and would want to get out to go read or something. Then he stated that he was also doing chores at his house.

    Hmm … I felt confused with a comeback reply on that so I just sent a 🙂 and oddly … that ended the conversation.


    I feel awkward with this lean back function. Certainly overfunctioning hasn’t worked for me in the past, but to not show someone that you care seems harsh. I guess it kind of relates to the comments posted here earlier about how the guy wants to feel special too there was another term here, cherished, maybe?]. I agree they are entitled to the same feeling. But, from what I’m understanding is they aren’t entitled to have it until after they’ve committed to us?

    Hmm … I feel concerned that any man would make that committment if I feel so rude and insensitive.


    Sorry to ramble … just venting …. tomorrow will bring more adventures … 😀

    G’night Sirens

  368.  #369T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    I dont know if anyone remembers but right before I met J I was cd’ing hot harley dude but he fell off the back of my horse. Well he just sent me a friend request on Facebook. This is the second cd in 2 weeks that has reapeared. it rocks to be a siren!

  369.  #370Turquoise on January 2, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Daria, Brenda and FW I posted earlier today in the last post to you, if you get a chance to go back and read.

    Today I took the girls to see We Bought a Zoo, was so good… so inspiring, so heartwarming… we loved it.

    I felt very drawn to this one part of the movie where Matt Damon’s character is telling his son that having 20 seconds of sheer bravery will always accomplish something good. That is paraphrased by the way.

    I don’t feel brave, and all the leaning back makes me feel less so. As if I can’t really ask for what I want or try to control a situation, because I’m pretty much forced to wait for the one I want to contact me, and for a conversation to even lead that direction. I think this is why I feel sort of lost. I want to be brave, go for what I want in life, but I’m not sure how to get it if I can’t lean forward and try. I’m not a moron, I get the logic here… just the more I read, the more I realize I’ve done pretty much everything wrong in most of my relationships, which is why I’m not in one! \

    Does anyone here do Flylady? It’s a woman who started a website/email program to help people get organized, release clutter, deal with their issues, etc. Well, anyways, she talks a lot about babysteps and how you didn’t get to where you are overnight, can’t fix it overnight either, you’ll get burned out. So, she has one step each month to focus on. doing something for 30 days makes it a habit. For example.. in January the habit is always to shine your sink. To keep it empty and clean, never to let dishes pile up. These are very basic babysteps to get people onto the right track of keeping their homes clean and clutter free. It is all about routines, staying on top of things, and simple tools to help people be organized.

    I’m not sure what program would be best for me and my situation, I only have Rori’s ebook, but I feel like I need a step by step program to relearn how to have a successful relationship. I can relate to so many of you and often think, “oh I said that, I’ve done that… oooohhh I remember feeling that way.” Bleck. Tired of it. I’m good with my kids, good with friends and family, things are fine at work, but I SUCK at dating.

    HELP! I am afraid to even try again.

  370.  #371T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    I dont think I should accept his friend request though.

  371.  #372Turquoise on January 2, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    T-Girl….. sometimes I think people we do not need in our lives show up at times when things are going exceptionally well, almost as if to ruin our chance at happiness. You sound amazing right now and things are going so well with J, how would you feel if roles were reversed and he accepted a friend request from a woman he dated before you? I would say not to, why open up to a possible problem, but as I said above, I suck at dating… so take my advice with a grain of salt! 🙂

  372.  #373Tiffany on January 2, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Lush_Oasis –

    My initial response is, if he gave you his number, and you don’t feel like leading, then why not give him your number?

    You said you don’t feel “comfortable” doing that. But perhaps you are afraid? It feels like a type of fear to me. You want to protect yourself. But giving him your number will allow him to call you if and/or when he wants to, and you won’t have to lead at all.

    If you don’t want to lead, then you don’t have to. There is no reason you should be expected to.

    It sounds like phone might be his preferred method of communication, given that he doesn’t have a computer.

    But on the other hand, if your instinct is that the communication is not feeling good, then maybe pay attention to your intuition, and just wait for the next one. There will be another!


  373.  #374Tiffany on January 2, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Hi Ella, and Emerson!

    And LILI and Daria and Butterfly Wings and so many others…

    Where is lk? haven’t seen any posts in a while…

    Happy New Year!!

  374.  #375T-Girl on January 2, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Turq, you are so right. I think this is a test for me somehow and I am going to pass because my love for J is overriding the need to accept that request.

  375.  #376Tiffany on January 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Oy. My ladies.

    I ended up having the weirdest New Year’s ever, in my book…

    But even though it really rather sucked, in many regards, it wasn’t for the reason I would have thought two days ago! lol However, it’s forced me to look at the situation through a new lens. I started to be and feel appreciative of what WAS good about it – even if I didn’t *feel* good overall.

    Incidentally, K did show up. He was there. With bells on and all of that. So that was one thing to be happy about. (Although, it’s possible I could have said no because of the whole Friday phone call thing, but I didn’t and I didn’t want to.)

    My other friend and her boyfriend/date were there. they are good people and it was good to hang out with them.

    it was another friend, who I thought we were going to meet that was the problem. she stood me up. And not just me. She pulled a really not-cool move on some other people, too.

    Now she is trying to make nice. And I feel like, “ew.” But instead of having a knee-jerk reaction, I am taking my time in responding to her. I am trying, still, to see the light in the situation. I actually used FMs with her, in telling her how I felt about what happened. And i want to stay in my sireny-goddess place with her, too.

    I do not need her approval, or her “friendship” if that means being treated badly. But I do need to communicate authentically, the best I can.

    She could have told me what she was doing, she just didn’t. And that makes me feel upset…

    K was kind of a superstar, though, in the taxi on the way home. I had wanted to text her, or to track her down somehow. And he just gently reminded me that it wasn’t “worth my time.” What a guy. He might actually be good for me…lol

  376.  #377Turquoise on January 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    T-girl…. that feels wise to me. Enjoy your happiness with J right now, it’s a blessing! If you have the relationship you want, and it’s heading where you want it to go… then I would be careful to protect that.

  377.  #378Tiffany on January 2, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Aw…T-Girl. That sounds good to me! 🙂

  378.  #379Tiffany on January 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    “Do you find that more and more men seem less and less assertive when it comes even to sex?”

    As usual, Rori’s article seems written for me, in this moment.

    And the title is definitely good advice for me…

  379.  #380Turquoise on January 2, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Brrr… girls, it’s COLD in Pittsburgh tonight. I feel so blessed to be in my nice, warm home… fireplace blazing, heading to the kitchen for some tea and then time for bed. I have to be up in less than 6 hours to get my daughter off to school. I wish break wasn’t over. It went so quickly. I’m not ready to start 2012 yet.

  380.  #381Tiffany on January 2, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    I just had such a sad – I don’t think “moved” is the right word – realization, which is that I still think and speak so much in the negative.

    I don’t mean to. I’ve been really thinking about this a lot, and having an intention to think and speak in the positive. But I don’t know. Negative stuff keeps coming out. And I don’t even think of it as negative.

    I’m not sure if it’s learned or ingrained or what. I just know that my parents are very, very negative people. And of course, growing up with them, almost every word out of everyone’s mouth in our entire family was always something negative.

    I was always the “peacekeeper.” I was the one in the middle, on neutral territory, not taking sides, just trying my best to keep everyone from fighting to the death – but also because I just couldn’t stand all that combative energy.

    But now…I feel like I’ve absorbed the tendency, and even if I LIKE something, I am still saying something negative about it. It’s so weird.

    I don’t want to be this way. I want light and life and energy, and positive things to flow through me. I feel cut off from that energy and I don’t know why.

    That’s why it makes me sad.

    So I’m posting it here. I am afraid of what you will all say about me or to me. I am afraid you will blame me. Because I know that we are always “choosing” our own lives. But we are not always in control of choices we make on a subconscious level. And something as deep as this…it needs compassion.

    I might have grown up in a negative, poisonous environment, but *I* am not a negative being.

    I am who I am, and that is a positive person, flowing with life force and energy. And I have this and I can hook into it any time I want.

    And now I am going to go to sleep…good night, ladies!

  381.  #382Silver Moonbeam on January 2, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    #171 FW

    Thank you for this, it looks really interesting and is very well endorsed. Marianne Williamson no less (amongst others)!!!

  382.  #383Silver Moonbeam on January 2, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    #236 Jilly

    Thank you so much for the free diet book, I have downloaded it to read later.

  383.  #384Daria on January 3, 2012 at 1:33 am

    I just feel all guilty n shook up. I wana heal this

    I feel scared of my sisters attack bitcg face

    I feel ashamed I allowed myself to be attacked by anyone including my Mom n people stronger than me

    I feel ashamed to bd weak

    A punk

    A coward

    This bitch use to beat me

    I feel mad at her

    I feel humiliated

    I feel ashamed

    How dare these people have all the power

    How dare they trigger me fear

    And rage

    And I want to heal this

  384.  #385Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 1:37 am

    T-Girl I don’t know about the friend request thing. So many times people send and they are just there on the list. I am just thinking that Rori says that a man should always feel that there are other men in the picture. Also your ex might become aware that there is someone in your life and that you are blissfully happy. I am wondering how about discussing it with your J and making a decision together with him after hearing is response? This helps you work together as a team as Rori suggested in an article. It takes away any possible secret so there is no energy directed there to cove up. That way you would be being authentic and telling the microscopic truth. J might not be happy about the request but he will know that he is important enough to you if you seek his input and it would likely inspire him to do the same should someting similar happen to him.

  385.  #386crystal eyes on January 3, 2012 at 1:45 am

    Siren Update ,

    Have had two dates with ..lets say moneyman . He is wealthy and he likes having “stuff” (collector timepieces , classic cars, art and he wears it and talks about it often )He is fond of telling me what he owns and which global movers and shakers are on his “personal” email list .He has some obsessiveness about the social A list . I am cultured , professional and astute , but I work hard and am not a socialite AT ALL. Lets just say I am totally unimpressed and wonder if i have not met a supreme narcissist. (This fascinates me )

    He had been very physically in my face from the word go..grabbing my hand , pecking lips as often as he could get close. it felt uncomfortable, but as an exercise in practicing softening and being open to intimacy and touch I did not tell him to stop just pulled back quickly when he did it (always in public ), and I practiced melting as best i could. Meanwhile red flag radar is beeping madly 🙂

    I enjoyed the dates (went to an art gallery and lunch) overall , but it became obvious he was testing me to see what physical intimacy he could get away with 🙂 (very little, I dont feel comfortable being kissed on the mouth in a public gallery by someone who I do not adore and feel safe with!) .It felt CRINGEY..

    He was respectful after realising I was moving on to an evening engagement with a girlfriend and the “jokes” about his bedroom stopped and he backed off the touching..then announced that i was “clever” to have another engagement lined up…uuughh

    I texted him later thanking him for slowing things down as i “felt quite anxious” that things were moving too fast . Thank you for a lovely day”

    Bingo ! I hit the ballistic button. I have now had a flood of text messages. The first expressed outrage that i had thought he was anything less than a perfect gentleman. it moved on to blamey talk about how “your text made me feel uncomfortable” ..pages of SMS later (telling me how he had hundreds/thousands of friends everywhere , famous people emailing him, contacts in every government department , and socially desirable, beautiful women queuing to date him ..) he eventually moved on to how perhaps he had moved a little too fast , and perhaps he had made mistakes…and should we try again as he indeed enjoyed my company very much uuuughhh. I have yet to answer. I feel some nausea and hilarity when i read these egotistical , self absorbed , acquisitive statements.

    Writing this out , it all feels weird. I used feeling messages consistently and will do so again . I am about to reply ..

    The other CD has proven totally lazy , tried the old sext at bedtime trick last night ” What are you wearing? “..I cant be f’ed playing that one. If he is not in front of me he doesnt exist!!! So far we have had 2 dates and a 30 minute “meeting ” at Christmas , one nice kiss ,several missed opportunities for meeting and dating, one casual..”i might just drive there” text at 8pm on NYE (BOOTY CALL) and no other dates eventuating. I want a man to be falling over himself interested in ME , not in love with himself and his possessions like MM and not lazy and half hearted like singing CD.

    I also have an email contact who wants to meet , and drive to me. Since first contact he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer . I remember meeting a CD after i was diagnosed with breast ca and the nice normality of it and the promise that when I was better I COULD date again. So i might just say yes and maybe enjoy the lunch and be a light distraction for him (He is only 51 i think). That would feel good.

    OK thanks Sirens for letting me update and write out my thoughts..

  386.  #387Daria on January 3, 2012 at 1:50 am

    VW I had an intuitive voice me tell me to share it. The voice kept it up and I asked my inner Goddess if this is something to do and the answer was yes.

    I’m sorry you are feeling bad.

    Maybe I’m just too weird for anyone to really be close to me. It seems people in my life get really mad at me for being myself.

    I feel dissapointed in life.

    It just stabs me in the heart right everytime I think I can trust someone.

    Nobody actually treats me well , the way I would like.

    The way I want to Always be treated in my relationship.

    Not one person.

    Not my mom.

    Life feels lonely

    I’m here in my lil bunker on the radio

    Doing me

    In my body and in my head.

    I don’t like you very much right now.

    Cuz you are judging me and misunderstanding me and making me feel bad.

    I am a spiritual person I guess

    I care about nothing else

    I am like super cold

    And I will abandon anyone and do anything that the voice says.

    If the voice of me said now then now it is.

    And it feels . Deep. Powerful .

    I feel scared questioning that people go off the deep end this way.

    And I know that’s just thoughts.

    I have always been a cold and selfish bitch.

    Why do people’s needs se to interfere with mine?

    I’m doing me, even if u suffer.

    I’m doing me even if I suffer.

    I’m doing me like real soldier like.




    I don’t need friends


    Fuchkrd only get so close to you till there’s some conflict and they turn on you

    Wow this life

    I certainly honor this loner quality

    And this vow I took at the 3rd chakra to always be a loner

    I am open to healing it

  387.  #388Daria on January 3, 2012 at 1:53 am

    BW – i just thought uhoh you are thinking yourself in a committed relationship – did you agree to exclusivity?

  388.  #389Daria on January 3, 2012 at 1:55 am

    i feel so angry right now!

    but i rocked the date and i stayed and surrendedred up to the last minute and my fem date flipped masculine

    and i felt angry so much the whole time remembering my sister and or mom too, like waves of anger and images


    i want to heal this

    i feel amazed at the energy in my body

    A!!! MAZED

  389.  #390Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 1:57 am

    Crystal money can be a mask for those types. It helps them feel more confident and they normally have a lot of options but your boundaries can help you greatly here.

  390.  #391Daria on January 3, 2012 at 1:58 am

    hmm actually i believe i can be fearless

    and peaceful

    and orgasmic

    state of bieng constant orgasmic

  391.  #392Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 2:04 am

    Regarding the kissing issue I have discussed this Daria in the past and had reconsidered. What I have come to accept is that being in the moment is important. Analyzing ahead of time is basically saying I am not happy in the moment. I am also assuming that the man is coming in for the heavy kissing before it happens. I don’t know if he will ask me if I am comfortable doing it and will agree to wait until I am comfortable. I am setting up an internal barrier against love if I am freaked out ahead of time which is the reason I have decided to think of it as a handshake now. I have had guys who have tried to just touch me that I feel kind of repulsed about and have come to accept that there is something about them that feel sleazy to me. I accept that that is about me and though I am totally comfortable around that as yet I am still searching to see what experience I might have had the past that has caused me to feel that way about a particular man. Also I don’t want to go to my defenses by freezing up should in case a man want to show love to me. I want to be so strong on the inside that I can be soft on the outside in case a man want to reach inside me to touch my heart. I am open and receptive to all the abundance in the Universe. Kissing is part of that and I want to be honest with myself and also pay attention to my feelings. I am single and do not have the commitment I want as yet so I want to keep myself open to receiving.

  392.  #393Daria on January 3, 2012 at 2:05 am

    i feel way too defensive with anybody

    get away from me, im bleeding and wounded and ill stab you!

  393.  #394Daria on January 3, 2012 at 2:08 am

    I only deserve respect, forgiveness, love, if im perfect. i only deserve glory and honor if im perfectly brave.


  394.  #395Butterfly Wings on January 3, 2012 at 2:09 am

    Daria, contrary to everything Rori teaches, we are exclusive. I still go for the occasional after work drink with other guys though, and I am definitely still out there flirting. But I’m not going on “proper” dates with other men.

    And right now it feels good.

    Apart from half an hour ago when he started “lecturing” me on how I manage my money. lol

    He is really good with money and spends a LOT of his money on me, and in comparison I really do suck when it comes to saving.

    So he has inspired (or is it nagged??) me to set up a proper savings plan to pay off my credit card. I actually feel good about that though.

    For too long I’ve lived from pay to pay, and mostly because my ex husbands were terrible with money – I was constantly bailing them out. TH on the other hand is doing well financially and that feels good. I love the security around that.

  395.  #396Daria on January 3, 2012 at 2:23 am

    I wshe there was a healer or an EFT practitioner to do a healing for me

  396.  #397Daria on January 3, 2012 at 2:25 am

    BW – oh ok i feel glad to hear it was soemthing you guys talked about and not jsut assumed

  397.  #398Daria on January 3, 2012 at 2:45 am


    im feeling angry

    what am i supposed to do with ALL!!! this anger!

    my body is processjng it


    agner after anger after anger



  398.  #399Daria on January 3, 2012 at 2:49 am

    whoa i think i just disbanded an achiness in my throat

    i really love this “if i had to guess what emotion is stuck in this tightness.. i would guess… XXX” tapping words

    and then saying i honor it and i honor the reasons i stuck it there

    and im willing to let it heal

    and disband



  399.  #400crystal eyes on January 3, 2012 at 3:29 am

    FW – I feel on red alert with this moneyman.

    The interesting thing is he responded like a Drama Queen, pages of text, calls (i didnt answer) accusations and blaming over nothing at all . It feels surprising and educational to be on the receiving end of DRAMA ..from a man …

    I feel disconnected. I feel a little shocked . I feel uninterested in engaging..

    Do we women really do this on a regular basis..wow ..it feels BAD to be subjected to DRAMA.

  400.  #401crystal eyes on January 3, 2012 at 3:33 am

    Daria @387..

    My last surgery tells me it was due to loneliness “stuck ” in my body. In am currently honoring it. Thank you for that..

  401.  #402Butterfly Wings on January 3, 2012 at 3:40 am

    385 Daria – yep it was discussed a LONG time ago – while things were still horrible with us would you believe?!

    Oh and tonight he kind of implied that he wants to help me with my finances because he doesn’t want me “whinging because you can’t go overseas with me because you have no money…”.

    Does that mean he wants me to go with him on an overseas holiday and hence wants me to start getting some money together for it???????

    I’m not sure but I’m liking the sound of that! And for now I concentrate on my money situation! Woohoo!

  402.  #403T-Girl on January 3, 2012 at 4:35 am

    FW – I don’t want to hide anything from J so I suppose I could tell him but for some reason it makes me feel panicky. I was just considering ignoring the friend request anyway. I suppose I should look inside myself to see why I feel panicky about this.

  403.  #404Brenda on January 3, 2012 at 4:39 am


    RE: #286 – I have to watch wording. No, I meant I dropped Ryan off, not said goodbye. We had a wonderful, wonderful time!!!

    I had stopped by when he contacted me just as I was leaving my Mom’s. The way it is now is I live an hour from him. My Mom and most of the people in my life live near him, and I moved away. So I was in his neighborhood and we started out just going out for a drink.

    We both agreed in advance that I would just have one drink so I wouldn’t be driving home half drunk. But then the bartender put in 3 or 4 shots, because I got definitely drunk!! So he drove, since he had only had one beer.

    He enjoys just driving around, and while we were out, he said, “Hey, do you want to go home yet?”

    I said, “No, do you?”

    He said, “No. What if I stayed overnight at your house?”

    I said, “Ok.”

    He said, “I’m not going to sleep with you or anything, but then we could hang out. I don’t want to go to bed yet.”

    We were up until 7 am! We talked through a lot of issues from 2009, and we finally got a lot of things out in the open. I told him I realized that I had a lot of issues, and I named them, and said I have a much different perspective and had found a lot of healing, altho I am still in process. He apologized for how hurt I was in 2009 and really discussed it. Not fully, but enough for us to really reconnect and peacefully move beyond it!

    I feel elated, and I am probably happier than at any other time of my life. Given his body language and verbal implications, I feel more confident than ever that this is a friendship leading to a committed relationship! I agree with Butterfly Wings, that if I continue to lean back, he will continue to step up.

  404.  #405sammie smiles (sighs) on January 3, 2012 at 4:41 am

    #49 Hi April Rose yep I feel terror at marriage having been there before!! But as with all avenues in life there are never gurantees only hopes! And if you never take a chance you will only hold your personal growth back x

  405.  #406Brenda on January 3, 2012 at 4:44 am


    RE: #267 – Thank you for that! Yes, bittersweet and humor are good descriptions for my reference to my “imaginary friend”. 🙂

  406.  #407Brenda on January 3, 2012 at 4:48 am


    RE: #123 – Thank you so much, oncest again, Lady Siren! I felt very warm in my heart when I read that. Matter of fact, I have tears in my eyes.

    Happy NEW Year!!

    Love, Brenda

  407.  #408Brenda on January 3, 2012 at 4:58 am


    You have helped me with Ryan so significantly!! Thank you a million times over!

    I keep thinking back, among many other pieces of superb feedback you have given me, about the time you said Ryan sounds like an average man who wants to take the lead, but I wouldn’t let him. I had said he just wouldn’t step up (about a year ago we were writing about this on the blog). You said he was not in feminine energy. I just needed to lean back more.

    Your words really guided me, and I just kept being increasingly aware of it. Yesterday when I was with him, I identified many, many junctures throughout our day when, in the past, I would have taken the lead. This time I just said, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” I let him guide our day. I realized, starting with what you said, that I was the one who was way too much in the masculine energy.

    I even caught myself a few times yesterday, making suggestions about what to do. But I leaned back into position as soon as I was aware I had blurted.

    For example, I felt excited to show him the bay, so I suggested taking a walk there. He said, “Well I haven’t slept at all, so maybe in a little while.”

    I said, “I’m sorry, I’m sure you must be tired! Let’s do whatever you want to do.”

    But all in all I just let him call the shots, and it was a beautiful time! We parted on completely harmonious terms!!!

  408.  #409Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Yes T-Girl. It might even still be the fear of intimacy thing going on. I am reminded of
    Gay Hendricks who shared with his wife about feeling sexually turned on by a younger woman which is the reason I suggested that.

  409.  #410Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Who was it who asked how do you know a man can dance?

    This is a quote from Reconnect “So how do you know a man can dance? If he can dance he will instinctively, immediately move towards you when you lean back. He can’t help it. If he can’t you will feel the emptiness all the time.”

  410.  #411Brenda on January 3, 2012 at 5:15 am


    RE: #63 – That feels bad to hear.

    And I cover you with grace and forgiveness anyway.

  411.  #412Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Some more quotes from Reconnect “on a deep level we want what we can’t have. We want what is hard to get. When you don’t want him then he wants you.

    No man is interested in a woman who comes running when he snaps his fingers. When we think so little about ourselves that we focus on him no man he cannot feel it for us.”

    I might not have quoted it word for word but it mostly is.

  412.  #413Lizka on January 3, 2012 at 5:20 am

    188 – BW –

    Sorry if I havent reply yesterday, I haven’t seen your message before this morning. Thank you or your support. 🙂

  413.  #414Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 5:24 am

    BW I am not sure it is contrary to what she teaches. Please listen again to disc one of Reconnect. I understand that the man asks for exclusivity and we let him know the terms of exclusivity we want for ourselves. Him taking us out at least 3 times a week with a lot of phone contact in between. Please listen to it and let me know what you think. I believe the problem with exclusivity is that we start focussing on the man, we close down our options so we make ourselves needy and expect the man to be responsible for making us happy. It is dating until he makes the relationship real with a commitment. Please let me know what you think after listening. I am not convinced you need to go out on proper dates as ini “romantic” dates with other men.

  414.  #415Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Without dating others and yourself, exclusivity can be a trap and it works to his benefit not yours, if you do not have the commitment you want.

    I keep thinking about Dominique’s relationship.

  415.  #416Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 5:33 am

    “Intimate Conversations” is a FREE, LIVE event to
    empower your relationships to thrive, your families to flourish and will have you oozing confidence from the boardroom to the bedroom.

    Sign up here: http://www.AllanaPratt.com/Conversations

  416.  #417Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 5:43 am

    “Scientists have proven the brain acts like a heat-seeking missile.

    Once you determine the point of focus, the mind takes over and guides you to the end result. The problem is, along the way, your thoughts (which are the tracking system) often get confused and jumbled up.

    When that happens, you get off track. You lose steam. Enthusiasm melts away like snow in the desert sun. Unfinished projects pile up. New ideas sit idle and never get acted upon. Or you simply never see the opportunities all around you.

    Let me tell you a quick a story that illustrates my point: Years ago – at the turn of the 20th Century – a farmer set out to get rich as a diamond miner. He sold just about everything he owned to raise money. Because he needed picks, shovels, horses, dynamite and other expensive equipment. The last thing the farmer sold was his farm.

    When he finally settled his affairs, he was off to find fame and fortune.

    The guy who bought his farm noticed something interesting about the topography of the land. So he brought in a couple of experts to conduct soil sample experiments.

    The experiments indicated the land he bought probably contained a rich source of diamonds. He rented some digging equipment and within a short time found “acres of diamonds” right under his feet. This farmer – the second guy – became rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

    What about the first farmer? What happened to him?

    Legend has it that he died broke.

    What made the difference? The second farmer was tuned in to opportunity. He wasn’t even actually looking for it consciously. But subconsciously his mind was automatically seeking wealth. The first farmer (despite his good intentions) did not have the right mindset.

    That’s why your good intentions sometimes fall apart.

    Because achieving lifelong success comes down to following these simple steps: (1) Think the right thoughts… because… thoughts shape your actions. (2) Take the right actions… because… actions shape your habits. (3) Cultivate the right habits…because habits shape your future and destiny. As you can see, success starts with the right thoughts… and… in order for thoughts to move you to action they must be imbedded in your subconscious.

    Therefore, the critical factor to financial and personal success is to…

    Continuously Feed Your Subconscious
    Thoughts That Keep It Focused On
    The Success You Seek…

    From: Igor Ledochowski

  417.  #418Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 6:02 am

    Margaret Lynch says “When we are doing tapping we are using our 5th Chakra to use our internal voice to speak new truths inside of us.”

  418.  #419Brenda on January 3, 2012 at 6:38 am


    RE: #158 – What you said here is beautiful and beautifully expressed!

    “I have been feeling more into this issue and I feel as if whenever we come on this board, it is either to vent, or get support or read about other’s journeys or to give support.
    I feel like we are all on our own journeys and I want to say that wherever you are on your journey you are accepted. Even if you have heard the advice once, twice or a hundred times.
    I feel that someone’s resistance to someone elses journey is a trigger and it feels so good to be triggered…it feels so good to be moved, since that means we are in process, things are moving and we are becoming more and more sirenlike with every post, every processing, every time we or I feel comfortable just pouring my heart out through these keys to all you women out there.
    I feel so healed. I trust someone out there hears me.
    Brenda I love you on your journey.
    FW I love you on your journey.
    Sirens, i love all of you on our awesome journeys to amazingly blissful love and incredible intimacy and joy.”

    I heartily embrace your words, thank you!

  419.  #420Tiffany on January 3, 2012 at 7:26 am

    BW – I think what you are doing sounds great!

  420.  #421light heart on January 3, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Turquoise @ 362

    I feel touched by what you wrote in your post.

    ‘We Bought a Zoo’ is a movie I want to see!

    I love flylady program! and have learned a lot from it,
    especially the part that you share about creating new habits one baby step at a time. Such a key point, because I find it is very easy to get overwhelmed.

    I especially hear you about all the leaning back in relationship. Sometimes I feel at the mercy of the man, like, nothing happens without his blessings,
    and, what am i, a child?

    And then, how am I really to know how they perceive all the leaning back? There are dating coaches for men as well, and I have read where they say that if a woman never calls you or offers to pay for anything, that she is not a keeper.

    So, what to do?

    Because the vibe is everything, my MO is to act from intention. Every move has to be backed by total commitment to the intention behind it.

    And if there’s a lot of neediness, it’s going to come through, no matter what.

    For some reason, it was ingrained in me to find my happiness through a man, and my relationships have not worked out so great in the past. It was such a strong habit, that most of my efforts now are still geared to keeping the focus on me and what I want, and not going against myself because I think I will lose him if I don’t.

    I have a little trick I do when I start thinking about a man too much…there is a scene in devil wears prada, at the end, when meryl streep is calling anne hathaway on the cell phone in paris, but she has decided that is not the life she wants anymore, it was totally against her nature, but she had to find that out…. and she throws the cell phone into the fountain, laughs, throws her hair back and strides off into the future, with the song, ‘suddenly i see’ playing….so far it is working out great for me, because I remember to do it most all of the time…

    Core values, mindsets, beliefs about men and relationships, baggage, all affect everything, so just doing tools without grounding them in an awareness of how and why they are being applied, can be tricky business, and may not always bring the results we desire.

    So, it’s very important to do all the self-forgiveness, self-acceptance, self-esteem work, and have a look at long-standing beliefs about things.

    ah…a nice little ramble on a cold morning…thanks, Turquoise for the opening, nice to see you on the blog, and great to have this place to work stuff out, isn’t it !?

    light heart

  421.  #422light heart on January 3, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Thank you Liz,
    I feel appreciative to hear
    that you like my view on
    boundaries as agreements,
    and my name!
    light heart

  422.  #423Tiffany on January 3, 2012 at 7:34 am

    I just read EMK’s newsletter from this morning (one where he said he had a dream about another woman).

    I like to think that I could be as cool as his wife and not care. But on the other hand, I might not be.

    What he wrote made me feel afraid that maybe I acted in an “insecure” way this past weekend.

    I didn’t get a lot of sleep, and in the early morning, I cried. sleep messes with my emotions. I was overwhelmed by feelings and lack of sleep and disappointment.

    So I just said, “I feel like crying.” And I let it out. But I also expressed fear, that he wasn’t going to stay with me, because of his family – that he would end up going to be with an Indian woman. And even as I said it, I knew it felt ridiculous to accuse him of that.

    And also I observed that he often talks about me going out with other guys – as if other guys are better than he is. So he has some insecurity, too, maybe.

    But…when I really go into my heart, and feel what’s there, then I still feel that I have a connection with him. I may not have heard from him since Sunday morning. And my mind might begin to doubt…but this is just a protective mechanism. My body doesn’t believe it.

    My body is wise and it knows many things. Maybe it knows all things. It knows he hasn’t left, and he isn’t planning on leaving. And that feels good 🙂

    I don’t have to feel insecure about having an insecure thought/moment, do I???

    Rambling, as usual….

    I know I don’t get a lot of responses here. but I still feel like using the open space to sort my feelings out. It is very helpful. 🙂

  423.  #424Tiffany on January 3, 2012 at 7:36 am

    I also recommend Hugo. a very touching movie.

    p.s. I am trying to write shorter posts…

  424.  #425Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 7:38 am

    I too read EMK’s email and this spoke to me

    “As a woman, you cannot play the role of thought police, because when you start to press him on what he’s thinking and what it means and where this is going, guess what happens?

    He shuts down.

    He stops telling you what’s on his mind.

    He knows – rightfully – that you don’t accept him, you don’t understand him, and you don’t have enough confidence in yourself to believe he’ll be loyal to you.

    THIS is what drives men away from women.

    Before you get up in arms with me, I am NOT forgiving men who ARE liars and cheaters and players and womanizers.

    If you’re with a guy you can’t trust, DUMP him; don’t complain that men are pigs.

    I’m simply pointing out that good men don’t like to have their thoughts policed and their character second-guessed.

    The only correct response is “I was with another woman in my dreams” is to smile and say, “I hope you enjoyed it, sweetie, because it’s not happening in real life.”

    That lets him know that you’re confident and not threatened by his natural attraction to other women.

    That’s what makes him feel understood and even more loyal to you.

    And that’s what allows him to be cool when you tell him that you had a dream about another man – which is something that my wife told me last year.

    I still don’t know who he is, and I don’t really care.”

    I don’t want to be anybody’s thought police

  425.  #426Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Wow light heart. Thanks for that reminder from Devil Wears Prada

  426.  #427turquoise on January 3, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Thank you light heart! That was exactly what I needed… a vision. I’m a visual person, need to see it, not just hear it. Having a vision to go to, when I need it, is a great idea! I love what you said about intention. I tend to be a head strong, leap before I look kind of person. My intentions are not always clear. I appreciate your words!

  427.  #428Mel on January 3, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Happy New Year sirens!

    To Rose and Starla, who were inquiring about me… it feels nice to be thought of. 🙂 I have been away visiting family for the past while and have been busy catching up on the blog this morning.

    So… the meeting with the kids…. It went very well, I think. They both seemed receptive to me and we had an enjoyable time. Mr. A took us all out for dinner, then we came back to his place and watched a movie. Apparently, they both had nice things to say about me after I left, so that made me feel great.

    My week away was nice and we were able to stay in contact via email. He picked me up at the airport and asked I’d stay over at his place that night. Both kids were there, so it felt wonderful that he was comfortable enough to have me around during his time with them.

    The next day, the kids went back with their mother and we had a relaxing low-key NYE (I was feeling exhausted from my trip). He ordered take-out for us and we snuggled and watched movies.

    New Year’s day, we slept-in a bit and he made me breakfast in bed. No one has ever done that for me before. I told him how special that it made me feel and he seemed so happy I appreciated it. We stayed in bed until 3:00 in the afternoon; drinking coffee, snacking chatting, reading, sex, just snuggling in silence (it felt soooo relaxing). It felt like the best day ever! I had to leave in the afternoon to attend to some things, but he asked if I would please come back and stay with him again in the evening. I agreed and he made me some delicious lunch before I left. I was completely waited on hand and foot and pampered all day. It felt great!

    Yesterday morning, he decided not to go into work as he had originally planned and said he wanted to spend another amazing day with me at home. So we had a repeat of the day before and spent a fabulously relaxing day in bed.

    Again, I had some things to do in the late afternoon, but he asked if I would come back. I picked up some things to make him dinner while I was out and surprised him with that. I felt like after a weekend of being completely spoiled, I didn’t feel weird at all about giving back a little. He was so tickled that I made him dinner and was very appreciative. We spent the rest of the evening snuggling and chatting.

    Now I’m back to my regular routine… but it felt great to spend so much quality time with my sweet Mr. A. After all of that pampering and spoiling, he sent ME an email this morning thanking me for a fantastic weekend.

    I replied that I also had a fabulous weekend. I said that today I am feeling so relaxed and spoiled and appreciative and loved.

    I feel a little vulnerable saying “I feel loved” as he has not (consciously in an awake state LOL) said he loves me. But the truth is that I FEEL loved… so there you have it. If that freaks him out, oh well.

    I am wondering if I missed the boat a little on reciprocating the “I love you.” He said it three times just as we were falling asleep, but I have been feeling unsure if that counts and was hesitant to reply. I am still feeling some old fears of rejection around this and want to be sure he consciously feels it before I reciprocate. Is this silly? He hasn’t said it falling asleep recently, so now I wonder if he’s waiting for me to share my feelings before he says it again. I just wish I knew whether he was really awake when he said it or not! LOL

    That’s it for now… long post, but lots to update! 🙂

    Have a great day sirens!

  428.  #429turquoise on January 3, 2012 at 8:12 am

    MEL!!! Wow, a lot has changed in the past few months. I can’t wait to hear more about Mr. A!!! I’m so happy for you!!! Whoo hoooooooo!!!! 🙂

  429.  #430memulo on January 3, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Haha I even replied to EMK’s email.. saying that I have the same exact personality as his wife and it’s been working against me. They think that they can do whatever right in front of my nose.. I won’t ask questions or give them a hard time.. at most I would just leave when I finally find out the truth. And these guys end up with women that are a lot more suspicious, question their every move and openly do not trust. So there is no cure for every situation-)

  430.  #431turquoise on January 3, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Is Kaitlyn still around? I’ve been wondering about her.

  431.  #432Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Me too turquiose but lol I could not remember her name. I kept remembering A’s but not hers.

  432.  #433Tiffany on January 3, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Mel! Good to hear from you – Happy New Year!

    So happy to hear the meeting with the kids went well. Sounds like everything is going great! 🙂

  433.  #434Liz on January 3, 2012 at 8:31 am

    good morning sirens

    hi turquoise, i read your interesting post about new habits and leaning back and flylady….
    i will check her out for sure.
    I know how you feel, leaning back feels really scary to me and everyday that goes by without any contact from accountantCD, i feel more anxious to contact him and reconnect.
    I am still trying to decide whether to keep him as my accountant.
    But leaning back…..i really saw in my meditation that leaning forward was to cover up my belief that i was unlovable….
    that is why Rori’s advice to sink more into our own feelings and really love ourselves really makes sense to me….
    i really did that yesterday and i felt how unlovable i have perceived myself throughout my life…..i told my meditation teacher about it and today our meditation was on isolation…..
    we worked on areas in our space where we disconnected from ourselves to protect ourselves and looked at the idea of isolating ones self in order to take care of one self. How many times have I done that? Retreated from the world to give myself self care…..except the fallacy with that is we give up our connections and do not truly receive.
    that is why rori is so brilliant, stressing for us to keep our hearts open as we process our emotions, so we stay connected to the universal flow of love all around us.
    Thanks for sharing your processing about leaning back, Turquioise. I am so in the beginning part of the learning curve about that. I know that things are not over between me and accountantCD and I feel like keeping the connections open energetically will help and me joining toastmasters and signing up for zumba and yoga and getting my business going at the doctor’s office will take my attention off of him and his slow processing….
    sorry for such a long post.
    FW, thanks for posting all this great stuff.
    lightheart, thanks for saying hi back.

  434.  #435Liz on January 3, 2012 at 8:35 am


    It feels to me like he loves you.
    What does it feel like energetically to you to imagine telling him you love him?
    or holding it back?
    whichsituation do you prefer?

    oh….i just love coming on this blog…..but i do have to go live my life and go to appointments and go shopping and get my car fixed…..

    so i will catch up with you all later tonight or tomorrow………

  435.  #436Liz on January 3, 2012 at 8:37 am

    one of your posts it says the key to a great man is how you feel in his presence….

    i like that….

    i feel so great around accountantCD, better than i have ever felt around anyother person.

    liz get off the computer already…..this is like starla’s get something to eat already….

  436.  #437Mel on January 3, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Hi Liz,

    To imagine telling him feels both frightening and exhilarating.

    I just don’t want to be the first one to say it. I remember Rori writing a post on this, but now I can’t find it.

    The problem is that he has said it to me… I’m just not sure if he’s aware of it! LOL

    My bff told me a story about her (now husband) saying “I love you” in a sleepy state and then completely denying it when he was awake. She was so angry that she said she almost broke up with him over it. I’m just feeling concerned that perhaps Mr. A’s “love you” was really him saying it to someone else in a dream (like his daughter/son) and had nothing to do with me. It did happen three times though, so I think it’s quite likely he meant it.

    Eeek! It kinda feels more like excitement than fear though. I think it would feel good to say…

    Perhaps I’d like to read Rori’s post again first though. LOL

  437.  #438Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Sorry Mel but you are focussing on his words instead of his action. Remember T-Girl who was kind of bellyaching about that for months? She got those words several times over the holiday weekend. Please read your words about his actions and what I have experienced with you I believe he can’t help himself but love you. You’re sexy and you know it.

  438.  #439Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Sorry but your concern sounds like your mind making up stories.

  439.  #440Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 8:55 am

    From a previous article:-

    You see, when you keep your energy open by physically leaning back, he feels safe to speak. He relaxes into his own body, releases his tension and then can have a conversation from a calmer state. When anyone is feeling at ease, energy flows and our thoughts are more pure.

    You can not not communicate…so why not transmit words like “invitation, open, feminine”. These words are much more attractive to man than focus, drive and fearless.

  440.  #441Starla on January 3, 2012 at 9:12 am

    awww CF texted me this morning to take me to dinner tonight. I’m busy already tonight but it felt nice that after 6 months he’s still ‘courting’ me proper.

  441.  #442light heart on January 3, 2012 at 9:19 am

    EMK writes:

    “As a woman, you cannot play the role of thought police, because when you start to press him on what he’s thinking and what it means and where this is going, guess what happens?

    He shuts down.

    He stops telling you what’s on his mind.

    He knows – rightfully – that you don’t accept him, you don’t understand him, and you don’t have enough confidence in yourself to believe he’ll be loyal to you.

    THIS is what drives men away from women.

    Before you get up in arms with me, I am NOT forgiving men who ARE liars and cheaters and players and womanizers.

    If you’re with a guy you can’t trust, DUMP him; don’t complain that men are pigs.”

    Yep, this is so common sense, yet brilliant.

    In review, I see that the only times
    I became the thought police was when
    there truly was a reason to.
    It truly wasn’t right, something was ‘off’,
    and there actually
    WAS evidence of something to mis-trust, or the guy
    was just off a divorce or otherwise
    unavailable. And I was hanging on where
    I should’ve let well enough alone.

    Imaginary relationship.

    Otherwise, I DO have enough confidence
    in myself to believe he’ll be loyal to me,
    am not a suspicious type,
    and for that I am very grateful.

    As for being attracted or feeling lustful
    towards other women, I don’t care where
    he gets his appetite, as long as he comes
    home for dinner. 😉

    The energy of that
    can even make it better, ramp things up for us….
    imagine that !

    light heart

  442.  #443light heart on January 3, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Hi Mel,
    I feel very happy for you!
    Thank you for your update.
    Just the fact that you are wondering
    whether to say it back to him or not
    at this point, makes me say, don’t
    worry too much about why you don’t
    want to say it, or if he was conscious
    when he said it, etc, etc. you know,
    all the overfunctioning stuff. the fact remains,
    you don’t yet feel moved to say it back.
    And that is perfectly fine, even if he said it.
    Never do anything out of obligation.
    I would say, trust yourself to know
    when it feels right to say it. you won’t have any

    light heart

  443.  #444Rori Raye on January 3, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Daria – I know you’ve heard me say this so many times – and I still want to encourage you to get independent from your parents. All of our triggering starts with our parents – and there just has to be this physical separation for a bit so we can work things out, grow up, find ourselves, go through our journeys enough to realize there IS NO SEPARATION at all, and that we’re all connected and start to get BENEATH our triggered responses. I know the “prodigal son” and “going off to find fortune and fame” isn’t your fantasy model – and yet, I believe it’s the Hero’s journey for all of us in some sense.

    Being around your parents when they trigger you (as is the way it goes as we become our own woman) is just an intense experience that is always going to slow us down – and relying on them for physical shelter is a recipe for slowing down the healing process. That said – Daria – you ROCK!!! Love, Rori

  444.  #445mali on January 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Rori- your post to Daria really spoke to me. In my culture, a woman does not leave her parents’ house until she is married. If she does so before this, chances are her parents would disown her, or her parents would be looked down on in the community… it’s very difficult, as you have to consider the perception of the community too.

    Do you have any advice for me at all?

  445.  #446Dominique on January 3, 2012 at 9:42 am

    April Rose and Butterfly Wings and anyone interested in my view on kissing – I think it’s the intent in the kiss. For example if I kissed another man on the lips, and it lingered, or there was sexual undertones from either one of us, then I would put that in cheating category.

    I kiss other people, men and women, on the lips all the time IF they are close to me. It’s deep friendship or close family energy. K wouldn’t bat an eye at this.

    BUT if I went out for coffee with a man (cheating already here in both our books, but we are in an exclusive monogamous relationship), and I allowed him to kiss me, he would feel devastated just as I would if the tables were turned.

    If you are causally dating, go ahead and kiss them all if you want to. I think things change when you are being exclusive with just one but continuing to date others to keep your options open. But that’s my view.

    That said everyone is different. Everyone’s definitions of cheating vary. You need to behave in ways which feel right and good to you.


  446.  #447light heart on January 3, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Dear Mali,
    I am not Rori, I know you asked for
    her advice, so I hope you don’t mind
    me saying just one thing. But it is
    something I feel very strongly about.
    Sometimes the journey of finding yourself,
    being true to your self,
    involves great sacrifice, even what may
    sometimes look and feel to others like
    betrayal. These choices can be very
    difficult to make.

    light heart

  447.  #448Starla on January 3, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Mali, what country do you live in?

    Girl, I would leave if I was able to and wanted to. I wouldn’t worry about the community. If they are my family, they will continue to love me. They might gripe, but I can try to ignore it. It’s a big sacrifice to make, though. You have to decide if being on your own is important enough to be strong through all their rejection of your choice.

  448.  #449Mel on January 3, 2012 at 9:51 am

    light heart,

    Thanks for your advice. I think it is very sound! 🙂

    If I’m feeling any hesitation in saying it… then I should wait until I feel comfortable.

    At this point I feel it, but saying it out loud is another story!

  449.  #450Jenny on January 3, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Ladies I got to ask.
    Do you ever feel tired of dating? I mean that you sometimes have days you just want to curl up inte the soffa and cuddle with a cat (if you have one :P) watch tv/movie/listen to music and dont speak, write noir talk to anyone?

  450.  #451light heart on January 3, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Absolutely, Jenny.

    The only time that is a problem
    is if it is a symptom of chronic depression,
    hopelessness, giving up, becoming a
    pattern and you turn into a cat lady 😉

    Otherwise, the only problem would
    be if you beat yourself up about having
    some days like that.

    Completely immerse yourself and
    have fun with the cat and the movies!

    You will be re-charged and ready
    to date again.

    light heart

  451.  #452Kyla on January 3, 2012 at 10:06 am

    This stuff really works lol.

    I already knew that but sometimes when i’ve slipped into old habits and things start to feel heavy and draining in one particular area and I make some little changes to get my focus back to me everything just shifts, almost instantly, I feel lighter and freer and happier and it suprises me all over again.

    I felt annoyed the other day so I expressed it and then took myself away, just out onto the balcony and breathed. I felt the cold air on my face and filling my lungs, the softness of my scarf around my neck and noticed the tension in my shoulders, then the knot in my solar plexis. By the time R had made me a cup of tea and come out to join me I was feeling smiley and tingly looking at the glittery snow falling under the street light. He touched my face and looked at me with huge soft eyes and everything just felt different and easy between us. And they have been wonderful the last week. Better than they have been for months.

    Some little things I did for me
    – had an afternoon out with my gf and got a shellac manicure in a deep red shade
    – bought myself a large orange candle with a warm, cheerful scent
    – took a long bath and gave myself a sea salt and olive oil scrub
    – spent an evening with my daughter playing her dance game on the ps3
    – watched my favorite childhood movie

    And I still have my perfect date for myself to look forward to later this month 🙂

    R bought me out last night to the pub across the road and spent the evening teaching me how to play pool and even though I felt super self concious he put me totally at ease and I had so much fun, yay!

  452.  #453Mel on January 3, 2012 at 10:07 am


  453.  #454Starla on January 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Mel broke the blog with her fancy italics:P

  454.  #455light heart on January 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

    And you know what Mel,
    if you really feel it, I’m sure he
    will feel it, too, even without
    your saying it. Your actions
    are also showing him.

    light heart

  455.  #456Jenny on January 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

    🙂 Well I have experience being depressed – never again. I will never turn myself down like that again. I rater have a heart that can sing, can cry, can bleed – then ever have a dead heart again. Yes it is scary to be open and vulnarble: but it was more scary being emotionally dead.

    I take i as my body/mind tells me I just need to recharge.

    “Turn into a cat lady”…ohh too late 😛 I got four very sweet and cuddle old cat ladies in my home.

    Cats or any pet is perfect “man testers” if my cats dont like a man or he dont like my cats; that is a deal breaker.

  456.  #457Kyla on January 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Hi Mel!!

    I’m so happy to hear you are so happy, yay for you!!


  457.  #458Mel on January 3, 2012 at 10:15 am

    better? hopefully this will fix it!

  458.  #459Mel on January 3, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Nope… help SLV!

  459.  #460Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 10:19 am

    It seems like it is now fixed

  460.  #461Dominique on January 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Nope not fixed. It will be soon.


  461.  #462April Rose on January 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Ha ha! I want to write to Dominique but not in italics!

  462.  #463April Rose on January 3, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Yay! All miraculously fixed !!

  463.  #464April Rose on January 3, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Hi Dominique,

    Thanks for sharing your view on kissing.

    I’ve just started gently dating even though I live with a man already, and have done for 3 years.

    You mentioned “being exclusive with just one but continuing to date others to keep your options open”

    I want to open my options, yes. I kind of fell into living with one man, before I discovered this wonderful choice I feel entitled to.

    Sex and kissing are so very important to me. Three years down the line with my guy sex is not what I know it can be – fantastic and deep and fulfilling. Sooner or later I will need something more.

  464.  #465Starla on January 3, 2012 at 11:16 am

    i feel worried that my roommate hasn’t been home in 24 hours. She doesn’t have a cell phone right now and doesn’t know anyone in this city, but i think she’s taken to sleeping with strangers, lol. She has her computer and constantly checks her email, but she’s not replying to my emails. I’m calling all the jails and hospitals now. I feel so pissed that this woman would just not come home!!!!!!! I feel so worried!!!!!!!!

  465.  #466Starla on January 3, 2012 at 11:24 am

    ugh, there she is. i wish she wouldn’t disappear for 24 hours at a time and not tell me. i called all the jails and hospitals.

  466.  #467Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Starla “taken to sleeping with strangers”? I hope it doesn’t eventually become a problem for you if you want to come home “with her”.

  467.  #468Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Meant “if they want to come home with her”.

  468.  #469Dominique on January 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

    April Rose – Is there a question in here for me? I would love to help if I can.


  469.  #470Starla on January 3, 2012 at 11:36 am

    fw, she’s staying with me for free (she’s my dear friend), she’s not gonna bring strangers over, and if she does, i’ll tell her to find somewhere else to live.

  470.  #471Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 11:38 am

    It’s Virginia. I’ve been thinking about you.

    The reason is, a lot of women I talk to are struggling with the problem of how to find the right man to marry.

    It’s a shame, because the solution is really right at their fingertips, they just don’t see it. Maybe you can relate to this too.

    Which got me to thinking, what could I create that would get you started quickly, with exactly what you need to solve this problem?

    Well, I’ve come up with the perfect solution. I’m opening up just 5 spots to coach with me — at no cost, my treat! — for 30 minutes.

    It’s my 30-minute “Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough Session.”

    The only thing is, with only 5 spots open, these are going to be snapped up fast. And to be considered you’ll need to apply right away.

    In this “Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough Session” I’ll walk you through:

    * What has been unconsciously sabotaging you in your relationships

    * Create a clear plan that describes in detail the steps you need to take to find your Mr. Right

    * The one simple step you can take immediately to get into action

    Here’s how it works:

    1. On January 6th I’ll send you the special invitation. All you need to do is open the email, hit reply and answer a few simple questions.
    That’s it!

    2. The deadline for applying is January 11th so best hit reply right away, when you see the invitation from me.

    3. I’ll let you know after January 11th if you get a spot. I hope you do! There’s only one way to find out for sure and that’s to apply right away when the email arrives from me to you.

    So watch for my special invitation and I’ll talk to you soon!

    Love and Romance!

  471.  #472Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Starla another lesson, I believe, that in relationships things need to be discussed and agreed upon. It can’t be tacit agreement or assumed.

  472.  #473April Rose on January 3, 2012 at 11:43 am


    Do you consider it cheating to even be turned on by the thought of someone else?

    Until recently this hadn’t happened. It only happened when I started feeling something lacking in the relationship.

  473.  #474Femininewoman on January 3, 2012 at 11:45 am

    If you wish to fly to new heights, begin by setting your sights on a destination you can reach and then create a flight plan, a map that will be your guide. And if at any time you don’t feel like following your flight path, stop, take a deep breath, call forth your vision for your future, then pick up your phone, dial your co-pilot and ask them to remind you that veering off your route really isn’t worth the pain of repeating the past.

    Veering off will only leave you in the same repetitive pattern of wanting, wishing, fantasizing, and then feeling intensely disappointed when you land at a destination other than the phenomenal future that awaits you.

    So today, YOU have the power to choose the destination of your dreams, create a flight plan and stick to it. So gather your courage, your strength and your commitment and get onboard, making 2012 the most inspiring year of your life.

    Join Debbie for a free 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse program, a daily boost, on Oprah.com This amazing 21-Day course will help you clear out any old, negative patterns that may have been stopping you from manifesting the love of your life.

    And you can sign up for Debbie’s newsletter at DebbieFord.com

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


  474.  #475lk on January 3, 2012 at 11:46 am

    i feel really safe & taken care of today. i’m at work, just having my lunch that CDcd packed for me this morning. he sent me down with a big heavy bag of snacks & leftovers that will last me until i see him next : ) he gave me the new sweater that he bought for himself because i liked it & i am all warm & cozy at my desk : )))

    it felt good to say to him last night, “i’m just noticing these really angry feelings absolutely coursing through me, so strong…. & it’s funny because i know it doesn’t have anything to do with this situation, sitting cuddling with you on the sofa……” & then he was laughing with me when he asked, “what can i do to help?” & i started freaking out, like, “turn off this awful awful movie immediately ! ” & we were both just cracking up, since minutes before i had been enjoying it & he had put it on at my request … : ) ummmm yes, & then he made a joke about me being mean & i said, oh even if i’m mean, will you please cuddle me ? & he said, lk, i’d cuddle you if you were green….. & he woke me up whispering, “good morning, beautiful…. i’m going to make you breakfast… you keep sleeping” so nice… & drove me down the mountain & was so so nice & fun : )))) & he just sent me a poem from Hafiz……….. gah, perfect : )

    i notice that sometimes i feel my feelings gushing, “i love you” to him, but i also notice my body avoiding eye contact at these moments & avoiding physical touch also… lol…. poor baby lk is scared ! & also it is so funny but sometimes when he is asking what i’m thinking about, i say, “oh, actually i don’t want to tell you my secrets right now & i don’t even want to make eye contact because i feel afraid of you reading my mind” lol…. & also i said we are strangers & he said, we aren’t strangers… we’ve known each other for a long time & have just realized it : ) or something like that… & i agree

    it’s nice that he says consistently to me, “lk, have i told you recently that you are …….. examples include: amazing, precious, beautiful…” i like a man like that, though before i met him i would have thought that sounded smothering & boring & actually horrible & insincere & a bxner-kill LOL wow i didn’t realize i was so sassy about that … : )

    i’m excited to buy CDcd a new sweater, since the present i “gave” to him…. a puzzle…. i ended up working almost entirely alone while he did work & babied me. ohhhh it was nice when he mixed up lavender oil & coconut oil & rubbed my temples to relax me….. ummmmmm….. oh right, I can buy him a new sweater since everything is on sale, I know his size & color preferences & my mama gave me $25 off from this really nice men’s store : )))) easy !!!! yayyyyy lk

  475.  #476Starla on January 3, 2012 at 11:46 am

    thanks fw,
    i have known her for 7 years, so i “know” her pretty well. it kinda sucks, in a predictable sort of way.

    so she is super clumsy and prone to eating/drinking on the sofa, even though i told her repeatedly over the years to knock it off. so i bought my dream sofa the other night, and got the store to agree to hold off on delivery until she moves out.

    no sofa is worth killing a friendship.

    i’ll talk to her tonight and thank her for not bringing strangers over, since i’m not okay with that, but to please just call me and leave a message if she’s not coming home, or email or something.