If It’s A Gift From Him – Take It!

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Here’s a great question from Molly!

Molly has confidence, is strong, independent, feisty, a true Siren – and still, just like all of us, she has places where she closes herself down and creates distance and stuckness wih her masculine energy, instead of inspiring warmth, emotional intimacy and the attraction of Feminine Energy Truthtelling.

Its so easy to focus on the “strategy” of anything, and completely gloss over, or even tune out, what we actually WANT in a relationship (or why we’re even wanting to BE in a relationship in the first place!).

If you want to change all that in your love life, right now, and quickly involve a man – or re-involve him! – in a deep, emotionally fulfilling life with you – this new “Tool” will help you tremendously: The Feminine WANT Process works, fast, and you can learn how to use it for yourself quickly, and then practice your new skills so you can begin to feel a Mastery of, literally, the “Energy Dynamic” between you and any man, in any situation…

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From Molly: “Rori:  My boyfriend is a very amazing man. He treats me like a goddess all of the time (well….at least since I stopped making mistakes and kicked the walls around his heart down. LOL). But I need to give you a little background.

This man has lots of money. I do okay..but I don’t by any means have lots of money. I have enough to easily take care of myself and if I needed say a new refridgerator…well…I could pay cash for a decent one. He, on the other hand, has LOTS of money and treats himself (and me) very well. We live different lifestyles when it comes to spending.

One of the things he’s always said he loves about me is how independent I am. He told me once that any other woman would have quit her job and asked him to buy her a car by now. I’m not like that. I am proud of myself for being able to take care of myself and though I let him treat when we go out or spend time together, I take care of my own bills, etc.

Here’s the kicker. My car broke down. It’s really junk and it’s starting to scare me (being on the road in a major US city). Last night, he offered to buy me a car. He wants me to have something nice and certainly something reliable so he doesn’t have to worry about me. I can’t afford something nice and probably can’t even afford something reliable. I have financial goals set and am working hard to achieve those goals and buying a new car isn’t something that fits right now. I just really, really can’t buy that car.

So…knowing he’s always been worried about women who would use him for money. Knowing he’s attracted to me, in part, because I’ve never asked him for money. Knowing he loves my independence and loves that I take care of myself when it comes to my financial needs. And knowing that’s a lot of why we’re still together (he has no fear of my taking advantage of him)…

Well…what do you think I should do? I’m worried that even though this offer comes from his heart, he will eventually see me as just like all those other women. He probably believes in his heart that I’ll figure something out. I’ve figured it out before and not “needed” him to “take care of me”. What do you think the chances are that this will be a total turnoff? Do you think I should let him buy it and then make payments to him for it? I’m lost here.

We’re in a place where we know we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. That’s a fact. We’re in love and he’s asked me to move in with him on multiple occasions. I haven’t given up my apartment yet because I’m not ready for that step but I know he loves me. I want that love to last. Do you think he’ll see this as me using him for money (I mean eventually, not right away, right now, he’s offering because he knows he can help..but later…down the road…what will he think)? I really don’t know what to do.

I’ve come so far with this man and set so many good boundaries and opened his heart and the lines of communication. I’ve worked so hard. I don’t want to do this wrong (and he knows about all of this….he knows how uncomfortable I am with my situation right now) so…I really would like to have the advice of a professional here if you’re willing to help me out…

Much Love, Molly”

Here’s my first answer:

Molly – you’re missing the operative word here: your man wants to GIVE you a car.

To some men, flowers would be a gift – he can afford a car, so a car it is.

Not only does he want to give you a car, he wants to make you SAFE.

And a car serves THAT too – a great gift all around.

If you refuse him, you are rejecting him.

Let him use his money to give to you.

You are putting up a wall around yourself and making it difficult to receive from him.

I know taking this brings up all kinds of things in you. That’s the point.

Refusing anything is refusing everything….

You will never be like those other women – but you are going way to the other extreme here.

This will open up your relationship even more…Love, Rori

And here’s Molly’s reply:

Yes, I do see it as weakness (and weakness scares me) but…I also see it as…hmmm…this is hard to explain.

Do men keep track of “points” the way we women do?

What I mean is this. A man gives a rose = 1 point. A man gives a dozen roses = 1 point. A man says/does something romantic (no money involved) = 1 point. A man says/does something mean or disrespectful…well… = minus 10 points (at least 10…cuz we can bring this up over and over and over again and we can certainly stress about it for months or even years).

So…does it work that way with a man? A woman is strong on the outside = 1 point. A woman is sexy (in his eyes…I’m not talking about what we look like…more like how we relate to him in a sexy way…) = 1 point. A woman makes him laugh = 1 point. A woman makes life fun for him = 1 point. A woman is independent and stands up for herself = 1 point. A woman can’t take care of herself without him = minus 10 points.

Will this come up again? When things get rough for us (and life does tend to hand even the strongest couples some tough times…) will he, during a stressful time think “she can’t even take care of herself. If it weren’t for me, she’d be walking to work”?

I want to be able to receive, I really do.

My problem is…how do I trust that this is just a gift. Just a gift…not more, not less…1 point…not something I will always have to know I couldn’t do for myself and needed him to do for me.

I mean…if it weren’t for him or if he wasn’t offering to buy the car, I’d figure something out. I always do. I do not believe that I would sit in my house crying because I don’t have a car and can’t get to work.

I’d do something…anything…and I’d be okay. He’s just making it easier than me having to figure something out. He’s figured it out already. I want to be okay with that.

I know I need him Rori…I need his love, I need his affection, I need his smile, I need his laughter, I need his friendship. I would fall apart if I lost him…he means the world to me and is SO good to me. But…now…I need his money??

He’s had a lot of women in his life who needed (or at least wanted/asked for/used him for) his money. We’ve been together for 4 years…I’ve never been that woman…

To be honest with you, I’m terrified.

I have all the confidence in the world almost all of the time. Now, I’m about as insecure as a woman can get and I’m afraid this will cause a huge rift for us.

And no matter how irrational that fear sounds, it’s tearing me apart right now…Much Love, Molly”

And here’s me again:

Molly, I don’t know your man, but if he’s the generous sort, he doesn’t do “points” – it’s all “gut” for a man.

After 4 years – if things are that good with him, there would be absolutely no “trade” going on here.

A gift is a gift. If you’re not sure, ask him – is this a gift?

And, yes, the terror of shifting the dynamic of the relationship is huge.

Why on earth would he NOT want to take care of you – when you’ve demonstrated so thoroughly that you don’t NEED taking care of?

If you were to marry him (pre-nup of course) – he’d WANT to give you stuff because you’re his WOMAN.

Your independence comes from inside you. It doesn’t preclude accepting gifts.

I don’t know what it will do down the line – but it all hinges on your ability to be a Siren and receive with appreciation and love for yourself and him.

**Oh…..and don’t you DARE, EVER, give him money for the car! 

Right now, you are not seeing this as it’s offered – a gift.

You’re seeing it, instead, as proof of some kind of weakness in you.

Yes, you’re confusing receiving with weakness, yet – it’s something else, too:

You’re making this about YOU!

And – it’s NOT about you.  It’s about HIM.

It’s about him wanting to GIVE you something. He’s doing it to feel good!

Let him.

Gifts are hard.  Receiving is hard. 

It’s the legacy left over from the time when women were thought of as worthless, and we’re still struggling with “our worth” in general, and our estimation of our own, individual worth in particular.

No matter how “evolved” or Siren-like we get – there’s a part of us in the “collective unconscious” that will always feel worthless.

And there’s a BIG part of us, bred into our society, that believes that with every gift comes a price. 

That with every good thing comes a bad.  That everything is bartered for, traded for, bought and sold. Basically, that there is no such thing as “no strings attached.”

And for sure – somewhere in each of us we believe there is no such thing as no strings attached” for US.

Let’s start the revolution and embrace this old and collective belief and start melting it down.  Little by little.

One car by one car.

Have fun, Molly – you’re amazing, and deserve everything you want and desire – no strings attached.

I hope to see you in The Feminine WANT Course and be a part of teaching you The 6-Steps that will help you completely turn around your love life! Go here to learn more and get your exclusive space ->

Love, Rori

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