If It’s Not Going The Way You Want, Find Out How To Turn It Around In The: New Love Forever Class Wednesday, November 14th at 5:30PST/8:30EST

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If you’re feeling afraid that your “down” and “negative” feelings are going to push a man away – and so you keep a “stiff upper lip” – here’s some help:

I know this inside and out – because I still get triggered ALL THE TIME in just this way.

I was brought up to avoid conflict at all costs, and so my first instinct is ALWAYS to create PEACE, no matter how much it costs me emotionally.

But I’ve learned how to recognize when it’s happening to me, and how to stop RESISTING the feelings I’m feeling – no matter how uncomfortable or “inappropriate” they may be.

I want you to have this same ease with a man (and a higher level of attraction with him, too) no matter WHAT’S going on inside you or around you, no matter what HE’S doing or not doing – so I created my Love Forever program.

***Love Forever is already 12 hours of amazing recordings, with new Tools that ONLY my clients and Love Forever members get, and there’ll be another 2 hours added to it in the new teleclass on Wednesday evening at 5:30 PST!

To find out how you can get your specific, unique questions answered and your personal situation addressed, live on the call – just go here–>>

http://www.coachrori.com/love-forever-program/

Even just last night, stuck in the car with my husband, there was a wave of discomfort in a discussion, in something he said to me that “triggered” me.

What we were talking about is pretty much not important – it was the feeling I had when he got a little “hot-tempered” and it just started to feel like “too much” for me.

And when you’re stuck in the car you really can learn quickly how to TOLERATE feeling your feelings so you can feel better quickly.

When this kind of thing happens to me, it’s like a tug-of-war starts inside me. The feelings of resentment, anger, frustration, sadness, weirdness and plain old discomfort well up inside me – but I’m instinctively afraid to express them. Even though I have my “word” Tools to speak what I’m feeling, I can feel this fight inside me.

Part of me wants to keep quiet.

Part of me wants to change the subject into something “light.”

Part of me wants to make a joke.

Part of me wants to yell and scream and tell him exactly what I’m

thinking and feeling and what an “idiot” he’s being at the moment.

Most of me just feels “dread,” and wants to forget that I’m feeling what I’m feeling, wind back the clock to BEFORE this all happened, and STOP myself from feeling at all.

Sound familiar to you?

That’s RESISTANCE. Trying to erase what you’re feeling.

And that just doesn’t work.

Resisting our feelings makes us sick. It makes us TENSE. It makes us “intense” in a “draining” way. It keeps us stuck in one place our whole lives.

And- it PUSHES men AWAY!

So – it sounds like a no-brainer to just STOP this RESISTANCE thing, but that’s easy to say.

Because we resist ourselves and our feelings for a reason. We do it because of fear, and because in the past, when we DIDN’T resist ourselves and our feelings – we might have had a bad result.

We may have been punished. We may have been dismissed. We may have been criticized. And so we have to start all over again – baby-step by baby step, to tolerate the fear that comes up when feelings come up – and practice NOT RESISTING, so we can learn to feel again – in the presence of a man.

It would be easy for me to say – “Stop resisting your feelings, use my Feeling Messages, and just BELIEVE ME that your man will come closer. BELIEVE ME that making yourself VULNERABLE will create MORE love for you.”

And though I DO want you to believe that this is true and that it can happen QUICKLY for you – it’s the BABY-STEPS I’m going to ask you to take that will change everything for you and get you what you want.

So – FIRST Baby-Step is to NOTICE that you’re feeling strong feelings, that you don’t really know what to do with them, and that you’re RESISTING THEM.

Next, you have to SINK INTO them…and in my next Love Forever teleclass on Wednesday (day after tomorrow) at 5:30 PST/8:30EST – you’ll have a step-by-step process to help you, as we talk more and more about how all this works.

If you’re not already a member of my Love Forever client membership program (it’s just for my clients, and for you, because you’ve found your way to my private “event” list) – you’ll want to find out how to join in the next teleclass (once you join – every new teleclass in the program is free…)  and instantly start working with all of Love Forever‘s 12 recorded hours (so far).

These are new Tools that ONLY my clients and Love Forever members get – to find out how it can help you quickly, just go here==>>

http://www.coachrori.com/love-forever-program/

Love, Rori

 

 

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173 Comments

  1.  #1Emerson on November 12, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    What a breath of fresh air thank you Rori!



  2.  #2Daphen on November 12, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    Pls sign me up for free newsletter



  3.  #3Dominique on November 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Emerson – Saw what you just wrote on the last new thread. I totally understand your trigger. I have to say I don’t agree with the author at all. In fact I disagree completely. I think you have a far better chance at a long lasting, forever, true love relationship at this “older” age. There is a lot to be said for maturity, wisdom, and life experience.

    xxoo



  4.  #4Sassy on November 12, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    “I was brought up to avoid conflict at all costs, and so my first instinct is ALWAYS to create PEACE, no matter how much it costs me emotionally.”

    Yup, that’s me in a nutshell….



  5.  #5Tam on November 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Hello Ladies…I feel happy…and I am totally freaked out by it..I love my freaked out happiness.
    I started crying because I feel like happiness is so foreign to me right now, with all the turmoil I had, that I kind of want it to feel a little like pain as that is what I was used to.
    But no, it is definitely happy. I learnt that my grandad has ‘raised’ me up to be his favourite person in the family, and is helping me out….and as I always felt like I had nobody after my grandmother died, I today learnt that someone thinks the world of me 🙂
    and of course, the MrP stuff (touch wood) has been so beautiful (oops, crying again) and just so delicate and difficult but lovely..that I have been beaming all day yesterdan and today…and I have been getting text messages and they are totally factual and not at all sweet or romantic, just solid mechanical stuff – but it feels so nice. I appreciate all these things so much, when before I just searched for fault.
    Tonight I was helping to prepare stuff for my friends wedding and there was a spiritual kind of lady and we talked a little and she looked me in the eye and said ‘I bet you are beating yourself up for things, you must stop that and learn to be your own best friend’….nice inspiration.
    I feel grateful for all the people that have come back into my life and the new ones that appeared.
    Phew. Big and deep breathing.
    Wow.
    I just want to be on this high for a little longer, I waited for months to get here..please 🙂



  6.  #6Tam on November 12, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    3 Sassy, I thought exactly the same when I read that sentence. I am a sucker for harmony and will pay any price for it. I never realised that the best way to get long term harmony was not to be ‘nice’ and ‘please’ all the time, but also be authentic..I am slowly learning..



  7.  #7Emerson on November 12, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    2 thank you Dominique ! 🙂 😉



  8.  #8Femininewoman on November 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Tam I feel teary eyed reading your comment.



  9.  #9Emerson on November 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    I feel like a lot of men like me but they don’t act on it. I have a “stay away” vibe right now and I want to flip it.!!!



  10.  #10Radlove on November 12, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Hi. I am taking a career crossroads class, and it is excellent! Before the class, I had 3 interviews in 3 months. Seven weeks into the eight week class, I’ve had 3 interviews in the last 7 days!

    I have a new lead tonight, too, from a friend, and networking is always the most powerful way to get in at a company! This could be a long term thing, too, with a really good pharmaceutical company!

    Something will break soon! In the meantime, my phone will probably be shut off this week, and my car insurance will cancel. Just can’t do it all.



  11.  #11Emerson on November 12, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    Radlove that sounds great about the class and interviews!’
    Sorry about the car insurance and phone 🙁



  12.  #12Megan on November 12, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Mercedes,

    I never mentioned having an issue with us having sex…I realized, when i went over there, that I was putting myself into that situation…
    my issue stems from the fact that I chalked his behavior up (outside the bedroom) to having feelings.
    I heard him when he said he wasn;t looking for anything serious, and I believed him.
    It wasn’t even that I was holding out hope for him to see me as more…but when his behavior spoke a different language than his words – I noticed, and I came to that conclusion, that he did care.
    which led me to expect a proper goodbye.
    certainly not did I take his words to mean a proper goodbye.
    Nobody really knows but him.
    You could say I read into it and read wrong.
    We’d be kidding ourselves if we didn’t admit (and acknowledge) that it can be very confusing.
    Whatever happened to actions speak louder than words?
    I only felt triggered when you said all affections are a gateway to sex.
    Now that you’re saying something opposite, the sex matters not to me, but rather the feelings behind his actions.
    It doesn;t make much sense to me to say he had his “sex one last time” when I’ve heard from him since. I don’t understand how this is walking away.
    Men are very cowardly when it comes to goodbyes and difficult situations.



  13.  #13Indigo on November 13, 2012 at 12:41 am

    Megan, if I may

    I believe we could drive ourselves mad trying to figure out what men feel, or think or mean when they say something. I know I certainly have.

    I think this is why Rori advocates keeping the focus on ourselves. I know this has been an absolutely life-changing shift in perspective for me. I don’t allow myself to “go there” any more when I find myself obsessing over how he might feel, or what he might have meant.

    I keep my focus on what feels good in the moment, and how I want to be treated, and what feels important to me.

    I too have attached great significance to goodbye, but now I sort of feel like, as it seems to require something from him, it feels easier to just open my hands and release him, and hold the sweet things from the time we had together close to me.



  14.  #14Annie on November 13, 2012 at 2:32 am

    For me I was not allowed to express any feelings considered negative as a child.
    And repeated that pattern with husband.
    Felt unheard if I voiced I felt, scared, sad angry, cold, hungry bored angry you name it.
    Was told things like don’t be silly it’s not cold blah blah and my feelings as an individual with different feelings and thought totally negated and dismissed. My heart still hurts about this.
    You have no right to feel angry, you shouldn’t feel angry, you have no reason. Blah blah blah, you are just miserable, grumpy, cheer up etc!
    I was told it was compulsory to feel happy.
    I then took on that it was my responsibility, when I had friends round with my boyfriends relatives eldest child etc to find out what they liked and try and entertain and make them happy and do what they wanted because their feelings on happiness were more important than mine. I wanted to run a way and be by myself to get away from how stressful that felt and just feel relaxed and peaceful.

    Even now if I mention something I don’t like and express a ‘negative’ feeling I get told that I go out of my way looking for the negative. This is even when I express my happy feelings and the positive stuff. Reality is I do not go out of my way looking for stuff to feel negative about, sadly there is really just more stuff there and really happening that I have negative feelings about.

    If I do not like stuff being left in the walk by other people and this makes me feel irritated and I don’t want to move other peoples stuff, this is really happening and I do not go out of my way to look for it, it is actually really there.
    If. I don’t like tv on really loud and blaring to the point where it feels distracting to what i am doing, it feels intolerable again, I don’t go looking for it, it is really happening. etc. Yes both these things make me feel uncomfortable and irritated and I want to feel peaceful and calm. And if others label me grumpy miserable, negative, intolerable for being authentic and speaking my truth, it is what it is. I am told I need to learn to tolerate these things. Actually I tried that, didn’t work out too well for me as what happens is I tolerate and tolerate and then explode.

    So I do not really know what the answer is apart from being on my own, lol, as at least then I do not have to tolerate these things that feel aggravating.



  15.  #15Daria on November 13, 2012 at 3:09 am

    thank you Daria for sleeping in the mountains!

    i feel so refreshed

    thank you for making me infusion… yum

    thank you for putting up my Acoustic foam

    yay!



  16.  #16Tam on November 13, 2012 at 3:25 am

    7 FW… 🙂 teary-good I hope.
    I still wake up feeling a little knot in my stomach and then I think back on the last few days and smile…feeling so happy I can start my days with a smile right now 🙂
    I feel teary all the time right now, but teary-good…and very soft.



  17.  #17Tam on November 13, 2012 at 4:27 am

    Annie, that resonates. Moreover in my family I never saw anyone expressing feelings authentically.
    Ever.
    So I feel a lot of compassion for myself trying to go there now, at this age, learning something…it’s so hard. I get it wrong, but hey.
    I realise lots of people are the same…so it’s all good.

    Whew, I feel very nervous today, like I am studying for an exam, the ‘be authentic and share your feelings’ exam, yet I am not sure when I will be sitting the exam…..

    I see any interaction with a man as practice. I notice how men open up when I open up first. babysteps…………



  18.  #18Tam on November 13, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Oh, I feel fearful of our plans for tomorrow not happening, I feel fearful of him pulling out and I have no reason to. Just because I know in the past this has happened occasionally. I do not want to live in the past, everything is going swimmingly….I do not want to keep my fingers crossed and knock on wood. I want to believe things have changed and all will be fine whatever happens…all will be fine.
    I am going to be my best friend, take a deep breath and love me….



  19.  #19Tam on November 13, 2012 at 5:16 am

    I am the one…lalala…I am the one..lalala…
    I am the one a man wait 1 1/2 years for… even though he has others chasing him…la la la.
    I find all that hard to believe, honestly. But I feel it might be true..



  20.  #20Vi on November 13, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Being spoken to with irony feels sad. I feel powerless and disconnected.



  21.  #21Tam on November 13, 2012 at 5:38 am

    ((Vi))



  22.  #22Femininewoman on November 13, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Vi I am wondering if you were discussing something that he might have a deep unconscious need to succeed in?



  23.  #23Vi on November 13, 2012 at 5:56 am

    An urge to beat mself for the choices in the past… thanks for noticing Vi, I can now choose not to go there… It would feel fun and a little scary if one day my love for myself and willingness to connect would become bigger than fear of intimacy… it’s okay if it won’t though. And I have all the time in the world… and we are here for the sake of process not the result… Thanks Vi for being gentle with me.



  24.  #24Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Emerson,

    10 – Thank you!



  25.  #25Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 6:00 am

    I’m so broke right now, but I would love the Love Forever program!

    Rori, thank you so much for this post. It feels warm and reassuring to hear about your own personal triggers that still happen sometimes, and how you deal with them!

    I feel so much admiration for you!



  26.  #26Tam on November 13, 2012 at 6:02 am

    I want things to be easy-peasy and I am impatient.
    I love my impulsive impatience. I want everything now and no effort please. When we all know that it is much more satisfying to have one thing at a time and savour the little moments…
    And we appreciate that which is not easy to come by.
    Would be like diamonds if they were lying around on the streets just to be picked up?
    I doubt it.



  27.  #27Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 6:03 am

    I feel heavy hearted. It would feel good to wake up feeling joy. That is my goal. Baby steps.



  28.  #28Linda on November 13, 2012 at 6:06 am

    I have been away from the blog since early Sunday. THere is so much on the last two posts and the end of the preceeding one too. I loved the “sex” discussion. I learn so much from you ladies. It helps to see that I am not the only one that stuggles, thinks, feels and at times fail to enforce boundries. Learning and living, accepting emotiona responsibility for our interactions with men on all levels is maturing and a daily process for me.

    Not sure where to post my comments but have things to say about all three.

    I have had a week-end and vacation day yesterday filled with men. The first one on saturday has already brought drama.. accusation. He has issues… GOODBYE dude. Feels so good to just call it like it feels and walk. YEAH for me.

    THe evening date on Saturday was really nice.. I posted about it earlier.. he has asked me to a movie this week. I am intriqued by him.

    THe one yesterday for lunch on my vacation day was beyond awesome. Chemistry and yes if I never see or hear from him again it is okay. I would like to but if I dont I had the most awesome time with him. He cleared his whole day turned off his phone. I dont know if he can/would maintain something like that. I dont expect him to, but yesterday was perfect for me and I will cherish the things he did said and the time we spent together. If he is only a messager sent to me to remove the terrible stuff from the last relationship. I received the gift with unzippered heart.

    Ladies I have been praying a prayer: every night

    It goes like this..

    Please bring a man into my life that is

    Spiritually
    Emotionally
    Financially
    Physically
    Sexually

    Compatible into my life, that will bring no harm to anyone and I can live true to my myself and be true to my core.

    I feel hopeful



  29.  #29Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 6:07 am

    I feel so much love for myself, which makes me feel teary, because it’s so unfortunately rare that I feel this much love for myself.

    Want to keep pouring it on…!

    Something inside me snapped. I felt so tired of living in fear and suspicion and of not speaking up.

    Seenmecry stares all the time, and honestly, I had just had enough.

    I “leaned forward” and texted him, and just asked if we could talk sometime.

    He answered me and asked me if he could call me tomorrow.

    So I said, “sure,” and I told him when I was free.

    So, he called me…



  30.  #30Vi on November 13, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Tam thanks for the hug, I feel smiley.

    Femininewoman thanks for asking, I feel cared of.. it was a question how the book that he wants me to help him find looks like… time to practice zoom out tool and do smth pleasant for myself.



  31.  #31Tam on November 13, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Hmmm…I feel unsettled still and unable to concentrate on work.
    I forgot to have my breakfast.
    No contact since last night with the man and that doesn’t bother me at all because I know he only contacts when he has a reason to.
    It feels good to know that and that I have no need to reach out because I have no reason to either.
    I just feel nervous regarding tomorrow, as plans are kind of unconfirmed, confirmed…I will just have to go with the flow.
    I love my ‘wanting to know what’s happening’ obsession.



  32.  #32Mercedes on November 13, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Dominique – 2 – I agree completely with that!!! 🙂

    Tam – I saw your comment to me on the other thread but it’s too hard to type there so I’ll put my response here:

    “the fact that you see everything aimed at you makes me feel bad…I feel a defensive vibe” – I don’t see everything aimed at me. I saw something that I thought was aimed at me and I did feel defensive. As I said in later comments, that defensiveness went away and I now understand.

    “since you come on here and tell us all the time how perfect your relationship and everything is” – My relationship is perfect…FOR ME. I’m sure it isn’t for everyone, but for me, it is amazing and I won’t make less of it than that unless something changes and I need Rori’s help again. However, “everything” is not perfect. My relationship is, but not “everything”.

    “just justifying and defending and being triggered by posts others write that have zilch to do with you.
    Feels incongruent and odd to me. Fake, actually.” – I’ve heard this a LOT here on this blog over the years. *shrug*

    “It was just lighthearted banter, Happy and I were enjoying…I am bewildered how that could trigger anyone unless they feel threatened in some way.” – As I said, I understand that now. I was initially defensive. Now I understand that it was just a coincidence that my posts and those posts were about the same thing. I know now that it wasn’t about me.

    “In fact I feel happy that the discussion even came up about the affection because I realise now that my own trigger from my kissing episode was actually nothing to do with me but a man being turned on and trying to stop it as he had to get away for work..haha..and it made me feel like a total desirable siren. I just feel happy now when before I was puzzled.” – This is awesome!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  33.  #33Mercedes on November 13, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Megan: I posted a reply to you but I think it went into moderation. Basically I was apologizing for projecting my own relationships (past and present) into your situation. I was referring to me but not making that clear at all and I’m sorry. Hopefully the full comment will show up soon.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  34.  #34Tam on November 13, 2012 at 6:38 am

    Mercedes.. all good 🙂



  35.  #35Tam on November 13, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Mercedes, I had a lashing out moment yesterday, and I so much try not to do that anymore, for practice and my own inner peace.
    Triggers are triggers and I used to have men (boyfriends), that totally put up with my lashing out and tried to make me happy or argued and were able to resolve it. Right now, I need this practice more than ever, because I realise lashing out does not solve anything for me. Nothing at all. And at this time I have a man around me, who totally shuts down and will not engage or get full of rage when I lash out or even just criticise. So I deperately want to learn how to handle my feelings and make them known without blame, critique or angry exchanges. And I feel embarrassed with myself because yesterday I lashed out at you.
    This doesn’t mean that I don’t stand by my words, it means that I could have tried better to speak authentically.
    Thank you for making me learn that.



  36.  #36Annie on November 13, 2012 at 6:46 am

    From last post.

    How To Imagine The Perfect Man…”

    Hi, This is Rori,

    What IS a perfect man, anyway?

    If you believe you’ve ever had one, or have one in your mind:

    >>Take out a piece of paper and write down the “qualities” you think made him “perfect” or WILL make him “perfect.”

    >>Now take a look at your list. Maybe you’ve written down things like “attractive (or even handsome), financially secure, sensitive, likes animals, generous…”

    Well, my Rules are this (actually – it’s just one Rule to start):

    It doesn’t matter what you’ve written on the list, or how good he looks on paper, or even how good he looks in real life. His qualities DON’T MATTER.

    The only thing that matters is this entry on your list: “When I’m with him, and even when I’m NOT with him – I feel loved, cared for, happy and secure. ” That’s it.

    Who he is and How he is mean nothing. How you FEEL with a man is ALL that counts. And I don’t mean how you feel about HIM.

    I don’t mean how much YOU love HIM, or how excited you feel, or how much “chemistry” there is, or how much “fun” you have together, or how great sex is, or how much you have “in common.”

    None of that means ANYTHING.

    We’re often devastatingly attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable or not mature enough to truly be in a committed, real relationship, and then end up literally devastated.

    The only thing that means anything is how you feel about YOURSELF in his presence.

    >So take out your piece of paper and turn it over.

    >>Now write a list of how you want to FEEL about YOURSELF in your “perfect” RELATIONSHIP! (Remember – this is about the Relationship, not about the man.)”

    I feel confused, I don’t fully get this.
    I want to understand.
    I get that I want to feel good happy relaxes loves etc in his presence. And that matters more than anything.

    What I don’t get, what I feel confused about.
    I want to be with a man where we have great compatible sex and I get the tingles about and him about me.
    I want to be with a man who enjoys sharing time with me doing what we both enjoy, so surely these things are important and matter.
    They matter to me.
    What’s the point of being with someone who’s sexual desires, wants, needs don’t match yours.
    Or doesn’t want to share time with you doing something that you both don’t enjoy?
    How does that work if he wants to spend his spare time doing something I can’t stand and visa versa?

    What are others thoughts on this?
    I really want to get my head around this and understand.
    What am I missing here?
    What am I not getting?



  37.  #37Tam on November 13, 2012 at 6:48 am

    I know already that whatever happens in the next few days, the triggers will fly at me like projectiles. There will be so many, there always are.
    But I also realise already that they get less. The talking about other women or praising other women is getting less…and I hope this is not just perception but it seems to be a result of opening up and saying how bad it feels when other women are being praised and eyed up while I am with the man.
    It seems that I get more praise and appreciation and compliments after I mentioned this….who knows.
    But there will be a gazillion of triggers, the biggest ones may be that things that were arranged simply don’t happen.
    I need to find a way of making my feelings known without jumping straight into judgment and blame and when my feelings are hurt this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard for me.
    I want to learn.



  38.  #38Mercedes on November 13, 2012 at 6:52 am

    No worries Tam. I have a way of “stirring things up” as Rori calls it. The way I write tends to encourage people on the internet (most of the blogs I post on, not just this one – political and sports blogs in particular) to “lash out” (as you call it) at me. I don’t really see it as lashing out though. I see triggers and I know sometimes (many times) what I write upsets people. I also have no idea how to change my writing style so I don’t really try that much. Once someone knows me personally (see Dominique…), they see what I’m really like and they have a better understanding of my written word though so that’s nice.

    I don’t mind a good disagreement or debate and I actually like confrontation (because I learn so much from it and I like the “feeling” I get from it) but I also know this blog really isn’t the place for that so when things get over the top intense I generally walk away for a while.

    It’s all good here too.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  39.  #39Tam on November 13, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Annie, I am not sure about this myself.
    I was with a guy who treated me like a princess, chemistry was great but we could not be friends, did not have the same interests at all and just couldn’t get our stuff combined….he was definitely a good man but we only had a chemical connection, and no mental one….came out after about month 3 and spent another 3 months trying to work it out…would never have worked.

    Have a commitment resistant man around me who is mentally and otherwise totally stimulating, we don’t just have the same interests (mostly, but both make a little effort to enjoy new things too)…we actually have the same values, same attitude about which places make us feel comfortable (not into luxury), same attitude about money (not big spenders) and so on and on and on. But here the intimacy (lack of) and the sexual stuff is quite difficult….it’s not that there is no chemistry, but it’s kind of subdued and subtle and a little mismatched. For me the important bit is that there is hope that things can improve and a willingness to bend a little for the other person.

    I don’t have the answer except perhaps that something always has to give. It’s not the same as settling, more like ‘as long as there is hope that things can improve and are not static’ – a little give here and there might be needed.



  40.  #40Annie on November 13, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Re lashing out Tam, this resonates with me. As this is my style too.

    I believe there was a thread about this. Think it was called blurtilicious or something along those lines.

    I would feel concerned though now if a man is not able to handle that about me and shuts down that he is the wrong man for me and is not able to do a relationship with me and be the best match for me.
    As someone who does this is not emotionally available for me or able to handle the real me.



  41.  #41Annie on November 13, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Tam 38. Ty for sharing Tam, that resonates with me.
    I guess what I want is someone who I have I have all four mental, emotional, physical and spiritual match with.

    So same mental, moral, spiritual values are a must.
    Otherwise my soul would be screaming at me that something was wrong.



  42.  #42Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 7:02 am

    …he called me. and I’m such a dork, but I was trying to follow Rori’s advice to be completely in feminine energy when on the phone.

    It felt glorious outside yesterday, so I took my books and my tea and my phone outside with me when he called.

    and I told him where I was, how great it felt outside, how comforting my cup of tea was, all those warm, goody, feminine feeling things.

    Then, I asked him about his day.

    Then, he asked me why i wanted to talk…

    and so I just told him that

    i felt nervous, but I would rather talk about how I felt then feel weird and unsure…

    and I told him that I felt disappointed when I found out he had a gf, because I was just starting to like him,

    and I told him that I backed off because of that,

    and that I was fine…

    but that I felt so sad and worried about him when his grandpa died…

    …and that when I talked to him, I just wanted to see how he was doing. that I was trying to keep it brief out of respect to his girlfriend. (I didn’t mention out of respect because it’s blatantly obvious how insecure she is, but I didn’t say that…)

    and I told him that I kind of felt like he was trying to keep me there, talking to him, because I seriously kept trying to leave, and he seriously kept asking me questions, and I think at one point he even pulled me back down into the seat next to him, but I might just be making that up…

    anyway, he told me that he “doesn’t see any need to be stand-offish just because he has a gf” and I told him that I understood that, but that I’d rather lay this out now, rather than have me feel weird and unsure.

    I told him that talking to him like that after such a long time brought up a lot of feelings that I was repressing and that I had felt weird ever since, and I didn’t like feeling like that, so that’s why I wanted to talk to him…

    i started to feel really teary and trembly, as I talked a little bit more, and I’m so proud of myself for letting myself be that vulnerable!

    He, of course, had no comment about my suspicions that he was trying to keep me there to continue the conversation…

    and he said that he and his gf were starting to get “pretty serious.” (and I wanted to say, “oh, is that why you always stare at me?”) but I didn’t, of course…

    and I said, “well, I figured that. Thank you for calling me. I just wanted to get that out there so I could stop feeling weird about it…”

    and I know that maybe that wasn’t “the best way” to handle it, but I feel soooooo amazing that I did it.

    He officially has no more power over me! I made myself vulnerable, he told me what he wanted to tell me, so I’m free.

    There are NO questions, and if I should see him staring or run into him and his gf, I can now genuinely smile warmly (and knowingly!) that he is not worth my time!!!!

    I just wanted to share my story, as flawed as it may be.

    I feel such over-whelming love for myself!

    (((((((((((((Iamabutterfly)))))))))))))))))



  43.  #43Tam on November 13, 2012 at 7:05 am

    40 Annie, I totally resonate with that. Totally.
    This is perhaps why I am where I am because it is so hard to find…and I am really willing to give this another chance despite all the pitfalls and cringey moments and the physical challenges…I might be mad to try this for the 4th time, and I might get terribly hurt, but I can’t let my fear rule me with this one, when his fear is ruling him also. Time to break the cycle and see what happens….oh how nerve wracking



  44.  #44Tam on November 13, 2012 at 7:11 am

    lama….aw.



  45.  #45BAB/Rebekah on November 13, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Thank you gorgeous for using lots of “I feels last night, while speaking about my day to N” I felt heard..



  46.  #46Silver Moonbeam on November 13, 2012 at 7:15 am

    It seems the dating thread appeared and before I knew it you had all moved over here!!

    I just posted this:

    Whoa!!!

    “You can email the guys you like because, happily, in the online world, there is no need to wait for them to write first.”

    When did this become RR acceptable???????!!!!!!

    Anybody like to comment? I thought contacting the men first was a big no no? Don’t tell me please I have spent the past few years on and off dating sites getting it all wrong?????



  47.  #47Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Tam, Mercedes & Siren Angel – Thanks so much for your comments and feedback on the other thread yesterday! I got tied up at work and didn’t see them until this morning.

    What would it take, what would I have to go through to really let go of GM? I think just a lot of time and maybe the right man? I don’t know if I am even open to the right man yet. He would have to be extremely charismatic to fully get my mind of off GM. I don’t think I’m capable of giving a regular guy a real chance right now.

    I test myself all the time, asking if i would cheat on JC (or whoever I’m seeing at the time) with GM and the answer is always – yes, I would. So . . . it’s not love. How can I love another man when I’m still in love with GM and apparently have no intentions of letting go of those feelings right now?

    The truth is, I’m always plotting . . . thinking of my next communication with GM, thinking of what I’m going to post on FB that will be interesting to him, plotting to post a new picture of myself that he will find attractive, plotting to see him again eventually and MAKE HIM LOVE ME – lol – not really – i do understand that is not how it works, but you get the point . . . I’m not ready to find a different Mr Right yet. I just need to focus on me – exercise, eat right, drink less, get my house in order, bring my son home from bootcamp for 10 days in December and bond with him and my other 2 sons while I have them all together again for a short time. I need to get my finances in order and go to court against my ex husband. I need to focus on my career and i need to build stronger relationships with my girlfriends.

    While I am doing all of these things, i may get over GM and I may bump into a different Mr Right. I might even learn to love JC for real if he is that patient. I don’t know – I just know that I am not going to panic and rush myself. i don’t have to be over GM yet, I don’t have to be in love with JC, I don’t have to break up with him either. I don’t have to do anything . . . and that is news to me . . . wonderful news.



  48.  #48Mercedes on November 13, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Lama: I love your story. I don’t think it’s flawed at all. In the end, you feel amazing. To me, it doesn’t matter how you go there…you were authentic and amazing and you feel good! That’s the best part! These are my favorite words from your entire story:

    “and I know that maybe that wasn’t “the best way” to handle it, but I feel soooooo amazing that I did it.

    He officially has no more power over me! I made myself vulnerable, he told me what he wanted to tell me, so I’m free.

    There are NO questions, and if I should see him staring or run into him and his gf, I can now genuinely smile warmly (and knowingly!) that he is not worth my time!!!!”

    I love that! You sound free. Like a butterfly…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  49.  #49Tam on November 13, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Calypso, I am in awe of your honesty and how well you do know yourself, wow.
    For what it’s worth, a few months ago I asked my very close friend, who is a psychologist, what it would take for me to get MrP out of my mind and she said this:
    ‘don’t even try, just let it play out if you can, just let it go. trying to find another man isn’t going to make any difference. you will find another man when this is said and done but you can’t force it. if you find another guy and he turns up (like what happened), and you are prepared to drop the other guy, then the ‘other’ guy was not for you. I believe that when someone turns up who IS right for you, you won’t be tempted at all to go back to MrP. And there is no way you will be able to force this, feelings can’t be made to go away or appear just like this.’
    Although it didn’t help me 100%, it helped me at the time a little because I thought I had let a good guy go for one that was unavailable. She said the ‘good guy’ also had issues and if he had been ‘my man’, we would still be together and MrP a distant memory.
    That’s what she said.
    So, it’s just a case of plodding on and doing what you are doing maybe….not sure. Her words did help me. She was basically saying: you did everything right. give it time.



  50.  #50Mercedes on November 13, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Calypso – 46 “What would it take, what would I have to go through to really let go of GM?”

    Personally, I think you wrote your answer in that same comment:

    ” I just need to focus on me – exercise, eat right, drink less, get my house in order, bring my son home from bootcamp for 10 days in December and bond with him and my other 2 sons while I have them all together again for a short time. I need to get my finances in order and go to court against my ex husband. I need to focus on my career and i need to build stronger relationships with my girlfriends.”

    When it’s time to let go of someone, we let go (or we take an inventory of our hearts and realize we already did let go, we just didn’t notice). A focus on YOU is all you need and life will balance in the most wonderful ways imaginable (I’m not talking specifically about men here, I’m talking about life…all of it). You hit the nail on the head with these words:

    “i don’t have to be over GM yet, I don’t have to be in love with JC, I don’t have to break up with him either. I don’t have to do anything . . .”

    I believe, if you stay strong in what you are saying today…if you really do focus on YOU and resist trying to get his attention and plot ways of seeing him, etc. If you really do take care of youself first and let outside influences come if they come or not if they don’t…I really believe you will have everything you ever wanted and more. It’s really hard to focus on ourselves long term and I’m certain nasty voices and obstacles will try to deter you…but I know you are strong and if your focus changes, you will be able to quickly bring it back where it belongs.

    I believe that with everything in my heart!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  51.  #51Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Thanks Tam & Mercedes. I hope I can hang onto this clarity 🙂



  52.  #52Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 7:53 am

    @47 Mercedes – thank you. I feel seen and shy and warm and happy. 🙂



  53.  #53Tam on November 13, 2012 at 7:55 am

    50 Calypso, if you can’t (and I often couldn’t), then you will get back there quickly… 🙂



  54.  #54Tam on November 13, 2012 at 7:57 am

    All my fears and anxiety is coming out mixed with happiness and hopefulness. I hope this is a good sign. I don’t want to stuff my feelings anymore.



  55.  #55Tam on November 13, 2012 at 8:01 am

    I believe men are attracted to a wide range of women. That belief makes me feel fearful for some reason.
    My ex bf claimed he was in a new relationship with someone, who reminded him of me. He is not. He made it up.
    This is odd….



  56.  #56Tam on November 13, 2012 at 8:04 am

    I guess deep down I do not believe that I am good enough, pretty enough etc to keep a man who is very attractive and desirable.
    I always had bf’s who were not considered as very attractive as that felt safe to me.
    I want to heal this, but the only attractive bf I ever had cheated on me and ran away with her and married her, so this belief is kind of ingrained now.
    This was a long time ago and a self-fulfilling prophecy also, still.



  57.  #57Starla on November 13, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Calypso, I feel like we’re in the same place with regard to getting over our exes.



  58.  #58Goddess Lily on November 13, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Didn’t even know I was two blog posts behind :-/



  59.  #59Megan on November 13, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Indigo,

    of course you may, and thank you for doing so.
    that feels spot on and it feels good.
    ((hugs))
    I will repeat those words to myself.

    ((Mercedes))



  60.  #60Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Starla – I have often felt the same way – I identify with the things you say when you are missing him.



  61.  #61Starla on November 13, 2012 at 9:30 am

    (((((((calypso))))))))))



  62.  #62Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I feel kind of embarassed that I did and said all that now.

    I feel paranoid. Like who is he going to tell and what are they going to think about it?

    It’s okay, butterfly. Who cares?

    You are going to be just fine…



  63.  #63BAB/Rebekah on November 13, 2012 at 9:40 am

    I’m feeling strong in myself.
    Noticing positive changes in me and my relationship.
    Feeling brave in stopping old patterns.
    Appreciative of the good old times that are coming back around!
    I love RECEIVING!!

    I want to be engaged.



  64.  #64Tam on November 13, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I am feeling antsy about tomorrow….because it’s not looking positive as I mentioned the time from when I am free yesterday and had no feedback on that which normally is a sign that things are questionable and may not happen….but that would be ok because even just the fact that this staying over was even planned totally surprised me because I know it is not easy for him to have someone close by…so no expectations, it would be something close to magic if it went ahead.
    I am not counting on it but I am ready to be surprised…still, I feel nervous and antsy.



  65.  #65Emerson on November 13, 2012 at 10:12 am

    45 silver moonbeam
    Regardi g the last thread ,,,,
    With all due respect to Rori I’m not sure why she would put this article on her blog.
    Reading it made me feel icky, negative, confused about the rules like you said, and turned off. Dating for “grown ups” sounds condescending to me and it may suit some but it’s not my style as it feels snarky and negative.



  66.  #66Tam on November 13, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Emerson, I actually thought of you and wanted to say that miracles do happen, little ones at last. I was in quite a desperate financial situation and just had a huge weight taken off my mind which means I am going to be debt free soon….not that I am out of the woods at all as I am still not making enough money to keep myself really, but it was nothing short of a miracle…and I want to say how I never thought this could happen to me and I am sure you have one coming too 🙂



  67.  #67Happy on November 13, 2012 at 10:37 am

    I found the info about writing a profile on the last thread really useful.

    2.   Your profile counts big-time.
    Your profile and photo is your marketing piece, not your wish list. This is especially true for women in their 40s, 50s and beyond whom, since the numbers are not in our favor (sorry gals), have to try just a little harder.

    The ultimate turn off for a guy is when he sees a laundry list of what he must be or must not be, or what he has to do in order to be worthy of you. When creating your profile, instead of emphasizing your wish list, let him know what life will feel and look like in a relationship with you. Paint  him a picture instead of listing a bunch of adjectives. Tell him what you want to share with him and how much fun you will have together. Be honest and don’t hesitate to show your personality. The right guy will love your profile and the rest will flee. Perfect.”



  68.  #68Tam on November 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

    ‘there are not many like you’
    actually, there is noboby like me..
    lalalala…only mememememe.
    there is no competition.



  69.  #69Happy on November 13, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Silver moonbeam- re writing to a man first when online dating…

    I’ve heard this from rori too actually.

    I see it as In real life you might smile etc to show interest but you can do this online.

    I think you can show initial interest but them let him lead…

    I also suppose it’s what you writ in that initial email that makes the difference between leaning forward and showing a initial interest.



  70.  #70Happy on November 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Hi tam.

    67, I am one in a million too!

    I am the yummy pie!!!



  71.  #71Tam on November 13, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Hi Happy!!!!!!!!! You are still way below that age bracket when the ‘numbers are against you’ supposedly.
    Who cares about numbers….
    Aaaaah, I love the trigger:
    ‘I like young women’
    My response ‘oh. what’s a young woman? I am heading towards 40’
    Strong protesting ‘no no nooooooo, you are 37, that’s nowhere near 40’
    Me: fits of giggles…
    too funny. and the funniest is, I do not care about my age at all at all at all.
    And, listen to this:
    the last two men I dated habitually made themselves younger on paper, one by 10 years and the other by two, and almost all men I have gone out with on first dates did it too!!!
    Hey boys, what is your problem with age?
    I don’t get it!!
    It’s JUST A NUMBER!!!!



  72.  #72MissStix on November 13, 2012 at 10:45 am

    (((((((((((((((((((((((ruth))))))))))))))))))))))))))



  73.  #73Tam on November 13, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Happy, you are absolutely the yummy pie, you are the cutest!!
    And I am the sniffly pie today, great, ah what the heck. If this get together tuakes place tomorrow, I shall be red-nosed and puffy eyed and whatever else. I am not perfect, neither do I wish to appear as such anymore.
    That feels good too.



  74.  #74Marsha on November 13, 2012 at 10:47 am

    i like learning about the things you send me in my email… i want so much to get your ebook’s but i am very very low income and can not a ford them… i am in a friendship with this guy that i have fallen for he chased me and stole my heart from someone else then he backed off and became emotionally unavailable… i am most desperate you see because i am moving to the place he lives soon…i have been trying to get things back on track but because i am low income i cant a ford to get you book… i was wondering if you ever do any of you ebooks
    pro-bono if so i could use all the help i can get… all i know about relationships i learned on my own i had no one to help me… i fall into the same things over and over… i believe he is the one i know he is… please help me… he’s my dream guy… i do not know what to tell you to help you to see how hopeless i feel right now… every guy i have ever fallen for became emotionally unavailable to me even though i do not chase them… i wait for them to call, i go about my life…my room mate tells me he likes me but hes just got things to do before i get there but over the last 9 weeks he has stopped calling and keeping me on the phone for hours at a time it has gone from calling me from 20 or so times to i’ll call you later then he dose not… i know in my heart hes the one i have been searching for, but i also know that if i must let him go i can… i know i need to fix me so were do i begin? i have done research on it and can not find any place what you have in your news letters… So what am i doing wrong? when he first started to with draw he told me that he liked me a lot lot lot… i know he still dose… how do i switch it back up? i have contacted several people this way about this over the last several months but none have contacted me back…
    if this dose not work out i have decided to stop looking… i do not want to go through this again so i will be closing the doors for good… i have been hurt to many times not to… so please please help me… Marsha



  75.  #75MissStix on November 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

    This stood out, for me. And I feel smiley and happy. Go me 🙂

    “The only thing that matters is this entry on your list: “When I’m with him, and even when I’m NOT with him – I feel loved, cared for, happy and secure. ” That’s it.

    Who he is and How he is mean nothing. How you FEEL with a man is ALL that counts. And I don’t mean how you feel about HIM.

    I don’t mean how much YOU love HIM, or how excited you feel, or how much “chemistry” there is, or how much “fun” you have together, or how great sex is, or how much you have “in common.”

    None of that means ANYTHING.”

    Ummm …he11-to-the-yes! And now take all
    that amazing stuff that really doesn’t matter at all and add it as a cherry on top.

    😀



  76.  #76Happy on November 13, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Tam, you’re only as old as you *feel*!

    Are you sniffing from being poorly? He can look after you!



  77.  #77Tam on November 13, 2012 at 10:56 am

    couldn’t agree more, expect I did temporarily feel really good with a man I had absolutely nothing in common with and that turned out to be the big stumbling block. So it’s not all that straightforward.



  78.  #78MissStix on November 13, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Tam – I see you as having infinite expansion within you! You are learning so much in such a different way than me and you inspire me.



  79.  #79Tam on November 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

    74 Happy….now, here is a suggestion (if it ever happens)…hehe…

    Miss Stix…wow, thank you. OMG, I feel totally uninspiring and like a complete mess right now, physically and mentally…it’s so nice that you see it so differently. I hope that I am learning….trying anyway but it feels painful often…oh well.
    Thank you though 🙂



  80.  #80MissStix on November 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Tam

    I do see my most down, most painful experiences and moments as contributing the most to the beauty of my soul. I see you aware of the possible learning, and comitting to it…I believe that’s all it takes!

    I am over here rooting for you. Cheering you on to keep climbing.



  81.  #81MissStix on November 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Sometimes in those painful moments I felt like that was the only thread my life was dangling from…”there is good for me in this life. There is more.”. Quite literally.



  82.  #82Tam on November 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Miss Stix, oh yes, I feel understood..and it feels nice to think we are all together in this 🙂



  83.  #83BAB/Rebekah on November 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I was a terrible smuggler last night.. I was pulled on to his cheats and almost immodestly rolled away because it was soo hot. I loved how he took great care to cover me and pull me on him, but I was so hot I couldn’t get comfy. I haven’t heard from him at all today and I’m wanting to txt to say hello. But I feel like its only because I’m worried what he’s thinking… Ugh I want to just say I love you!



  84.  #84BAB/Rebekah on November 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Ugh don’t act out my feelings on him… I love my worrisome thoughts.



  85.  #85Tam on November 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

    I am having NV’s about tomorrow…and I just had a text from surferboy saying that he would like to meet for drinks tomorrow..it feels tempting to have that as a back up plan for when MrP doesn’t show.
    Hmmmmmm….I feel mean actually, but it’s just my self-protection kicking in and I know I would feel sad alone at home…hmm.



  86.  #86BAB/Rebekah on November 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

    We used to do this cute little thing, where he would txt or say “where oh we’re is my baby doll” and I would return in kind. Is this a no no right now cuz of how I’m feeling?



  87.  #87Happy on November 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Well strummingman is officially no longer a rubberband man… He has simply dropped ball. I feel no intention to pick up the ball. I feel relieved I have reached this point.

    “Perhaps you’re in this situation (it’s one we’ve all been in at one time or another): A man is around, and then he pulls back. He not so much “RubberBands” as he just “goes away” without actually saying, with full closure, that he’s going away. He just sort of “drops the ball.”

    And what we women have all been taught to do when that happens is to Pick UP the ball.”



  88.  #88Starla on November 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Happy 85, whose quote is that?



  89.  #89Tam on November 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Happy…hmmmm…..I don’t quite believe that this is the end of the story, but I admire your resolve to stay on your horse. Your vibe feels great.
    Would you stay open when he returns? That has always been my biggest problem/area of practice, as I always just want to say ‘where have you beeeeen?’ but then concentrate on the happy feelings…
    but it does scare me that the tools here keep a man coming back to us…even if he may not be the right one.



  90.  #91Happy on November 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Tam, yes, I will be open. I feel no resentment. I get to choose though right… I choose To wait and see how I feel *if* he ever does.

    Oo I suddenly feel excited!!! He’s actually let go of the saddle!!!!



  91.  #92Happy on November 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

    I read lots from rori about riding on your horse being open etc and suddenly you might not feel like you want him any more.

    This is how I feel. It feels a little sad. But I’m happy!!!!!



  92.  #93Tam on November 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I get that Happy, really do and happy for you, you seem very together and strong. Strong on the inside and soft on the outside, true Siren 🙂



  93.  #94Tam on November 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    ,,and part of me wishes that MrP had dropped that ball also, because this opening up with him particular is so incredibly challenging…it’s really pushing me, and uncomfortable..but it has brought some astounding results, little baby results.
    Who knows where this is going…I still have impulses of ‘wanting to know now’, but that is what used to always get me into trouble.
    I am going to let go of control.



  94.  #95FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    I wish so much that I could afford to “join”—to have a permanent place in the group for these tele-classes. (As tempting as it is, if I did I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills, so—not a good choice.)

    I wonder if I can save up for it. Does anyone know if the price stays the same…or does it go up each time there is a new class?

    I feel relatively ‘ok’ today. I’m not sure if it’s because the sun is out (the gloomy days are hard) or if it’s because I made a pot of coffee this morning. (I usually drink oolong tea.) Could be the extra caffeine.

    I still have bad days, but I’m really trying to let the feelings come (and go) and try my best to keep my focus on “better-feeling-thoughts.”

    Many times a day I have to meditate and/or listen to Abraham on you-tube in order to keep myself ‘in the vortex.’ (I know that’s where I need to be in order to create what I want.) I also listen to Rori…her voice is very soothing and she helps me believe that it is possible for me to have another man love me and share my life.

    As much as I miss D, I am starting to feel very lonesome and find myself wishing for another relationship. I am actually quite content with my life, in general. I am grateful for what I have, steer myself away from thinking about what I lack (re-focus each time I start ‘going there.’)

    I limit how much time I allow myself to think about how much I miss my son. I try to channel all the love I had for him into loving my seven year old grand daughter (his child.) It doesn’t take away the pain, but it helps me and it helps her. It’s a win-win way to deal with it.

    I realize that I have to be happy with what I have in order to attract more of that…and that I have to love myself in the same way I’d want a man to love me. I struggle with the idea of having to “start over.” In fact I hate it! But….when I start to feel that, I ‘flip it’ and realize that it’s an opportunity—a freedom. Not necessarily a freedom/opportunity I want/ed but, one I am trying to feel grateful for.



  95.  #96Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    @88 Happy – I feel embarassed reading that. I feel like that’s exactly what I did. ug, I feel angry. I feel…good still, though.

    I hate feeling like this helpless blob who “isn’t supposed to do anything” but open her heart, respond, show appreciation.

    Do you know how hard that is?

    To open your heart so that it’s vulnerable, bleeding, and beating for any jerk to just trample all over?

    To respond to something that might not even mean anything?

    To show appreciation for things that you have trouble recognizing sometimes? a lot of the times?

    that may mean “nothing special” just because he’s a “nice guy?”

    I feel angry and embarassed and frustrated.

    It feels difficult to accept my negative feelings…

    I feel ashamed of them…



  96.  #97Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    what i did, talking to him like that, it doesn’t even feel real. it feels like a dream. and it doesn’t even feel that bad.

    I feel sad because I feel like nothing could ever feel that bad ever again…

    I wish something could feel “that bad” again…

    because that would mean it would have to feel “that good” again…



  97.  #98Starla on November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    thanks, happy! i love that one!



  98.  #99Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Tam, i would relax and stay in the moment.

    Staying in the moment… Tricky stuff…
    This is my main thing at the min with party cd, it’s all too easy to drift off and imagine a relationship and how the long distance would work and who would move where etc!

    Happy…I tell myself… It was just a kiss. (a deliciously nice one, that left me feeling warm inside)



  99.  #100Silver Moonbeam on November 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    #64 Emerson

    I was pretty shocked at the article I have to say, it seems to go against a lot of stuff we have learnt from Rori?????



  100.  #101Silver Moonbeam on November 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    #68 Heart

    I would love if you could point me in the direction of where Rori says it’s OK to make first contact.



  101.  #102Silver Moonbeam on November 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    #93 ((( Flowerchild )))



  102.  #103Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    ((Lama))slather on the love. It’s all a journey, an awareness.

    It helps me to think of things like this as an experiment. To explore my feelings. To feel what picking up ball feels like, to feel what being in my boy energy feels like.



  103.  #104Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Starla 



  104.  #105Femininewoman on November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    FlowerChild I love what you wrote. It feels liberating and like a ton of weight has been unloaded.



  105.  #106Femininewoman on November 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    SMB I remember that also. I might have heard it at the end of the ReconnectYourRelationship cd series.



  106.  #107Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Silver moonbeam

    “Winking: If you see a guy you really like and he hasn’t contacted you, you have the option to “wink” at him. Just go to the upper right corner of his profile and hit “wink.” I don’t really recommend doing this too much (a guy should come to YOU!) But there is always a chance that a certain guy might hardly ever go online—seeing your wink in an email might inspire him to go online and write to you.”

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/how-to-use-and-be-successful-on-okcupid/



  107.  #108Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    SMB,

    This is the only place I could find it written that is in my memory, but I’ve also heard if in other places, just can’t remember where to find it.



  108.  #109Mercedes on November 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    From what I could find of Rori’s, only contact first if you are already a rock star:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/contacting-men-online/

    From me, I say only contact first after you are in a very long term relationship and know each other well enough to know when your partner needs that. After you really get to know someone, you will be able to tell when it is appropriate to lean forward. Before that, I say let him take the lead ALWAYS.

    I take the lead sometimes (with contacting him, with sex, with dates and plans and what to have for dinner, etc) and J really likes it…but he takes the lead most of the time so when I do it, it isn’t expected or taken for granted but instead is a nice surprise for him and he expresses much appreciation (He says it takes the pressure off him for always having to decide what we are going to do or where we are going to go). I guess he likes surprises. 🙂 It feels good to me too…when I surprise him sometimes. I think as long as it feels good, I will continue to do it on occasion.

    Just my take…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  109.  #110Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    @101 Heart – thanks, Heart. that’s exactly what I’m doing. it really does feel good, though. like I’m eliminating them by “forcing” them to communicate with me or something?

    Does that even make sense?

    I just can’t stand to have guys stare at me or to feel like they’re manipulating me and think they can get away with it…

    I’m better than that…



  110.  #111FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Thank you SMB and FW…It’s good to get some feedback. Sometimes I feel like I just keep posting the same thing over and over.



  111.  #112Tam on November 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Happy is not heart, peeps, lol. Very different ladies 😉



  112.  #113Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Lama, SMB, it’s me happy lol not heart  I changed my name from smile. X



  113.  #114Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I feel like saying “I can do whatever the h*** I want.” I don’t even talk like that, but that’s what I feel like it. I feel like saying, “screw it.” I’m so sick of being the nice, unsure girl who suspects things but never gets any answers…

    is anyone relating to what I’m saying right now?



  114.  #115Mercedes on November 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Ahhh…and I forgot about my comments on that post. I still agree that if you’re that kind of person…who likes to initiate sometimes and it’s authentic then go for it but…I wonder if that’s what Rori meant by “if you’re already a rock star”. I think if it feels natural and good, we should initiate. I must say it feels natural and good a lot more often when I’m in a long term relationship though. lol I also think if we’re initiating and expecting a certain outcome, we just go ahead and lean way back. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  115.  #116Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    He he, I even feel confused myself sometimes.

    It feels good to be happy



  116.  #117Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Lama! I hear you!



  117.  #118Iamabutterfly on November 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    sorry, Happy. it’s just…you have a big heart! 😉



  118.  #119Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Lama116
    That felt nice to read thank you.



  119.  #120Happy on November 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    I feel sooo excited to tell you all …

    I am being picked up by a man!

    It’s not a romantic date, just one of my oldest guy friends, still I am using him as practise.

    Suddenly I find I’ve got a few more men back in my life.
    More please!!!



  120.  #121Tam on November 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    The leaning back thing works with most men. It does certainly not work with all, especially if taken to the extreme.
    Leaning forward, however, if taken to the extreme, is probably the worst thing of all.
    I don’t know how many men have told me that ‘a man is the pursuer’. Even MrP, who is a leany-back man, said he felt grossed out by a woman pursuing him to the extreme.
    And he is used to being chased, but presumable not to being hounded down.
    A man might take it and go with it, but in the end it kind of sticks that he was not the pursuer and in my opinion is likely to move on to someone who he chose, and is maybe a little harder to get?



  121.  #122Femininewoman on November 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    I just initiated with a guy on POF to see what would happen.

    Me: hhhmmmm

    J: Hmmmm…would you like? :*

    Me: I feel open to that

    j: lol…let’s get started..I’m J sweetie 🙂

    Me: It feels weird to be called sweetie by a stranger

    hehe
    A

    j: Look out I’m a booty man…lol. love a sexy woman.I’m not looking for love …just fun sweetie.

    J: A ..you have nice photos

    Me: aaaah thanks for your honesty
    I wish you the best in your search

    J: You take care A. Remember god first….kisses

    _________



  122.  #123Daria on November 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I love you Daria!



  123.  #124Starla on November 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Every single man I initiated to on POF did not respond or poofed quickly.

    so weird.

    on the other hand, every man i initiated to on OKCupid totally wrote back and was thrilled to hear from me.



  124.  #125Femininewoman on November 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Physically, many if not all of your aches and pains will start to dissipate, maybe disappearing altogether, especially the more and more you become aware of your chronic holdings and tensions which is something we ALL have. You just don’t realize it until you do. All your hurts and traumas, they all get stored within, manifesting in all ways.

    Many of your ailments may very well start to feel better if not clear up completely as well.

    And your mind will start to clear. Things won’t get to you so easily. You won’t feel so awful so much of the time anymore, maybe hardly ever. You will feel more at peace more of the time. You will find it SO much easier to connect with people, men, and more deeply. You will feel love more and more of the time.

    http://sexandheart.com/lifes-ongoing-lessons



  125.  #126Femininewoman on November 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    You will feel love more and more of the time
    You will feel love more and more of the time
    You will feel love more and more of the time
    You will feel love more and more of the time
    You will feel love more and more of the time



  126.  #127T-Girl on November 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I posted on Siren Island but neglected to post here that today is mine and J’s one and a half year anniversary. I love being a siren 🙂



  127.  #128Linda on November 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    I have three high quality men in my rotation now. This is first. I am not sure I can CD and not get attached. I do have a favorite but all have great qualities. Ok baby steps… one day and man at a time. Time for me to feel my way thru. Any pointers… really I am feel concerned about overlapping and scheduling them. I would like my yummy lunch date yesterday to rise to the top but time will tell. He shares the same faith as me, things he talked about with out me prompting questions were revealing many good things to me. He fits the description I posted earlier in #27.

    I dont want to mess up. I feel concerned!



  128.  #129LoveAlways on November 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Iamabutterfly
    I totally love how siren-y you are right now and how you handled him. It made me feel soothed and calm to read it.



  129.  #130Femininewoman on November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Happy Happy – Congrats T-Girl
    🙂



  130.  #131Happy on November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Linda, your CDs sound great and high quality.

    “I dont want to mess up. I feel concerned!”

    I feel confident you wont mess it up with the right man



  131.  #132Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    My flirtation with the Drill Sgt continues – he is good for me in so many ways – since we started talking, I have started exercising more and eating better and even switched from beer after work to wine, which makes me drink a lot less – contributing to my losing weight. I’m highly motivated to look my best when i meet him – just for my own ego, but why not? I know we will flirt in person too and i want it to feel good – I want to feel sexy and know he is wanting me – lol. I actually think my interactions with him in the last couple of weeks have helped me gain so much clarity on my life – he is a crazy blessing – I guess it’s true, you get what you need . . . I think I am helping him too. I’m so glad we made contact. I feel very special because of our friendship – and I’m getting pictures of my son that I would otherwise never have gotten!



  132.  #133Starla on November 13, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Aww, fan mail and thank you letters are still pouring in to me

    i feel so honored

    i wish i could get these nice letters all the time 😀



  133.  #134FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    >>>”Is your “story” worth your cellular tissue and life force energy?
    Your “story” will drain your energy leaving you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually depleted.

    Send love to all the old video tapes and records playing in your head. Everything that has ever happened to you has occurred to help you advance your soul. ~ Sabrina”<<<

    This must be synchronicity! FW posted this very same concept (#123) and I went to check my FB and find this (above) in my news feed!

    Every day she (Sabrina) posts chapters from a book she wrote called "How to Raise Your Vibration."

    I have been working diligently to NOT let my 'story' define me and/or make me physically sick. (I have to be extra careful of this because my mother did this to herself. She awfulized/terrible-ized absolutely everything and loved being the martyr and making everyone (especially me) feel guilty.)

    Two messages in one day about this. I better listen up! 🙂



  134.  #135Tam on November 13, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    I love my triggers…no confirmation of the plans for tomorrow and no reaching out but plenty of communication with other women on fb. I am happy to see that actually, triggers are good.
    And it’s all the stuff I remember from before…where the misunderstandings came in..I wonder how I will be able to handle it now I can see it as a trigger….what lovely exercise.



  135.  #136Siren Angel on November 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I am open and vulnerable, and therefore irresistible.
    I am a Goddess, shining light full of sparkles.
    I am the one.
    Yes I am!!!



  136.  #137Rori Raye on November 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Marsha – There’s so much here to read for free – and everyone will help you. Love, Rori



  137.  #138Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Just got home and my cable is out – I can’t afford to turn it back on tonight, so i poured a glass of wine, put a pizza in the oven, sat on the couch with my dog in tow and i feel fine . . . There is more to life than watching NCIS.



  138.  #139Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Oh sure . . . the one night I log on and there is not a Siren to be found . . . where is everyone? Watching TV??? No fair . . . LOL



  139.  #140FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    I’m here 🙂



  140.  #141Rori Raye on November 13, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Daphen, I can’t sign you up – please just go to the box on the far right, put in your name and email address, and you’ll get them! Love, Rori



  141.  #142Tam on November 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    me too



  142.  #143Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Hi FlowerChild!



  143.  #144Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    And Tam . . .



  144.  #145Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Marsha,

    73 – Welcome! I feel curious…are you initiating contact with him?



  145.  #146Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    I’m sipping my wine and trying not to text GM. I’m bored . . . I already talked to JC – he called me after work and Drill SGT has not made contact today and I never lean forward with him, so I don’t have anyone to play with and I want to bother GM . . . I want to ask him if he got his “Lady Luck” tatoo yet and make him send me a pic if he did. I’m not going to, but i WANT to. I better just go to bed early. This whole not having a TV and being home alone thing is not working for me . . .



  146.  #147Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Hi Calypso!

    No TV for me, either, LOL! I’m watching YouTube videos…here is a cute one!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kAodWQZ9mY&feature=related



  147.  #148Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Daphen,

    2 – Welcome!



  148.  #149Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    FC,

    134 – Healthy processing! Hugs to you…and prayers.



  149.  #150Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Radlove – Ha! Cute . . .



  150.  #151FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    I find ‘escape’ in watching television. It’s getting better, but for awhile it’s all I did. Now I just watch certain shows or record them to watch later.

    Dominique’s article today is really good. I sure do feel tired of healing and working on myself. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve what I want…like I haven’t “worked” hard enough. I’m not sure what my “lesson” is that I’m not listening to or learning from.



  151.  #152FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    I’m not feeling as negative as my last post sounds…but I DO wonder about what the lesson is in what’s happened in my life this year. It’s hard to find a lesson in death. I’m trying, though <3



  152.  #153Calypso on November 13, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    There is another new post



  153.  #154Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Today I finally had a date, who I will call Sax. I didn’t go by some of Rori’s guidelines for my own reasons, but all in all it went well. I felt very safe with this man on the phone. Again, for reasons I don’t feel like explaining, I chose to say yes when he invited me to his house 1.5 hours away.

    I didn’t have the gas money, so I said, “I don’t think I should, because I only have 1/4 tank of gas to last me the next week.”

    He offered to give me gas money. I spent the afternoon at his house, and he was totally genuine…down to wearing a muscle t-shirt and shorts and flip flops when he greeted me at the door. He shrugged, saying, “This is me! This is how I dress when I’m at home!” He was very polite, respectful, and considerate at every turn.

    It felt like a welcome relief that he didn’t even try to hug me, much less get sexual with me. At the end of the date, I asked him if I could give him a hug. I think he’s been wounded. No, I know he has. He didn’t detail it, but he said as much.

    I felt comfortable with him, but I know it will never be anything other than a friendship. I felt bored in one afternoon, because he was all about watching TV….mostly only talking to me during the ads. But I think a safe friendship is what I need right now, so I intend to get together with him again, inviting him to my house next time.



  154.  #155Radlove on November 13, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Okey dokey



  155.  #156Dominique on November 13, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Flowerchild – 152 – Death is usually new beginnings, but this is being simplistic. You don’t always have to have words for your lesson, a why. You can just take from this that you are being forced to go deeper still, to find even more love buried inside you.

    xxoo



  156.  #157FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Thank you, Dominique. Your words are so helpful and always, it seems, at just the right time. <3



  157.  #158FlowerChild77 on November 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Radlove…I’m happy to hear that you met someone new, even if you think it’s just a new friend.

    I’m curious, though. How do you know for sure it will never be anything more? If it were me (and it will be at some point) I would want to keep my heart open and entertain the idea of possibilities!

    You just never know…you can’t really know….unless you close yourself off. As frightening as it is at first, the idea that “the one” may not always look like what we expect or think it will look like is really exciting! Think about that 🙂

    My last relationship was like that…never imagined I’d EVER be attracted to him, but he turned out to be the most passionate man I’ve ever been with. Sigh…

    And yes, I actually felt “ewww” about it until I got to know him 😉



  158.  #159Tereana on November 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Hard to find a lesson in death? I feel amazed by this statement. Seems to me that death is rich with lessons. You don’t “have” to feel a lesson. But you might if you let it show whatever it has to say for you….



  159.  #160Goddess Lily on November 13, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    new blog post up!



  160.  #161Tam on November 14, 2012 at 3:18 am

    Oh, it’s MrP coming to kidnap me-day and he hasn’t confirmed plans and I have a stinking cold….really bad. So as it happens, I would actually in some ways be good if he cancelled, for me anyway.
    I also wanted to read through Rori stuff to prepare myself a bit for a possible (well, likely) triggerfest but I haven’t had time and just want to lie in bed and close my eyes.
    Oh well, nevermind.
    Let’s see what happens here. I don’t feel like getting stuck at his place with this cold, well I would have my own place but still, nicer to be at home..



  161.  #162Frannie on November 15, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Hi ladies! I need some advice. I’ve been reading all of Rori’s newsletters, and listening and working with the love scripts. I’ve been really trying out the feeling messages and I think that they are working, which makes me feel really happy and excited.

    So I met this guy online and we emailed/texted/talked for about a week until we went out last Thursday night. We had a great time and have seen each other several times since then. Now all of a sudden, things feel weird to me. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it feels like he is pulling away and I feel scared.

    Last night on the phone, he mentioned something about Christmas, so I mentioned that I would be going to Florida with my family for Christmas. I’m not sure if my mentioning the “future”, even in a casual way, was a trigger for him or what.

    This morning he texted me on his way to work to ask if I had plans tonight. He asked if I wanted to go to this little bar around the corner from me. I said that it would feel nice to see him and I would try to get a babysitter. We texted back and forth a few times, and then he said “we could always do it another night”. I said ok, and that I felt disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see him, and that I guess I need a little more notice in order to get a babysitter.

    I haven’t heard back from him since that last message, but I’m not concerned about that. I know it is because he is a laborer and doesn’t have his phone on him at work. What concerns me and makes me feel like he is pulling away is that up until last night he was really into me, telling me how much he liked me and how excited he was to see me and all of that.

    I’m trying to remember everything from Rori’s book and the Love Scripts. Trying to use my feeling messages and keep from using the Masculine energy (by calling or texting him). I just feel so crappy right now.

    Any suggestions for how to pull him back / bring him close again? I really liked the way he made me feel when we were together. Like I could truly be myself for the first time in any “relationship”. I even went back and re-read some of our original emails and text messages from before we actually met in person. He had written things like he was feeling comfortable with me and could tell me anything, and that he was not just looking for sex, blah blah blah.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated ladies!
    Love to you all~~
    Frannie



  162.  #163Trish on November 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Rori,
    I just have to tell you that you are the best. Every time I have dealt with a man since reading your blog, it has gone great! You have helped me so much, you cannot imagine. You are a genius! I recommend you to all of my girlfriends.
    I cannot thank you enough.



  163.  #164Rori Raye on November 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Trish – Thank you for this! Love, Rori



  164.  #165Lisa on November 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    I’m loving what I’ve read so far. The problem I’m feeling very depressed about is. That the men that make my heart flutter or their touch makes me melt seem to be ones that are toxic for me. I’ve always dreamed of finding a man that is both attractive (to me) and healthy for me. But the ones in my life now that seem to be healthy I just cannot force myself to be attracted to then… So it’s depressing to find myself having to settle for someone i’m not attracted to. I’m not shallow in that I do look deeper than their outward looks… but if you can’t even imagine kissing someone?? I love when a man is really into me. I get that, that is attractive/turn on.. but I need some physical attractiveness too.. ( not into perfect 10’s or GQ) just appealing to me.



  165.  #166Rori Raye on November 24, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Lisa – this is just a numbers game for you. You’re going to have to go through a lot of men in order to get clear on where you’re at, and to immediately dismiss and disqualify any man who sends out red flags to you, or isn’t totally, 100% into you. Love, Rori



  166.  #167Liza on November 25, 2012 at 8:14 am

    the meaning of death

    you are alive



  167.  #168Lisa on November 25, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Thanks Rori, I’ve been through over 30 since March. But I’m keeping my vision and still going on dates. Yes, I’m dismissing the ones with red flags. I’ve never experienced a man that is 100% into me. Not even 50% into me. Sad.. really makes me sad. I’m loving your book ! Looking forward to turning things around.



  168.  #169Valencia on November 26, 2012 at 12:14 am

    I need your advice rori. I’ve been going through the same situation with my fiance for a year and a half. He had friends here months ago and I treated them with the utmost respect, like family. His friends came here and they both went with him to other women house and when I asked them they lied to me. One night it was like karma was trying to teach him a lesson. He took one of his friends and he went to meet some girl who wanted to come sleep over but he said he had family(me) here and she couldn’t. She immediately realized that it could be another woman so she started arguing with him, so he took his friend with him to go meet her so she would believe that he wasn’t lying. When he finish getting his freak on with her and he was leaving her house a cop pulled him over and he went to jail. His friend came back with my car and told me that he was in jail. I was up freaking out as to what to do, he never had the decency to call me. Instead he called some of his female “friends” and they refused to bail him. I had to come up with the money to bail him. I had to come up with the money to pay his suspended ticket. He doesn’t drive to go see them anymore, instead he waits until I am at work each night and he has them come over but tells them they can’t stay because his roommate(me) doesn’t like other women here.

    I am so angry I feel like breaking stuff feel like smacking the mess out of him for hurting me the way he does but instead I turn to my bible and pray. I have two children and I can’t let what he’s doing to me make me a criminal. Now that I have to take him everywhere when he needs me, when I am home during the day he thinks I’m out doing him the way he’s been doing me for almost two years. Because he’s been bringing females into our house, our bed when I am at work during the nights he thinks I am doing the same during the day. He has told his mother that I am sneaking around and she called me an eye for an eye bitch. She gives him no wrong. She has told me before that he is a man and that’s what man does so i’m suppose to just sit back and take it.

    He has 4 children all a year apart because he’s been treating women like they dirt and feel he’s god’s gift to women so he needs to sleep with everyone he comes across. When these women find out about each other and decided to leave he’s lied to his friends and his mother and say it’s because THEY have cheated on him. He’s now doing the same to me and I am so angry I just want to choke the hell out of him. I have taken physical abuse from my ex-husband for 5 years. It has taken 5 years for him to apologize to me because his ex-girlfriend now did to him what he did to me and worse. I am going through this mental and emotional abuse with this idiot and no matter how much I try to stay sane he and his stupid mother has the nerve to call me crazy when I have to open my mouth to tell him about himself. Now that I have a friend who is encouraging me to leave contrary to everyone else(his aunt, his no good mother and his friends) telling me to pray, he wants me to stop talking to her like he made sure I don’t speak to the friends I had before, because he’s going around lying on her talking about she’s taking me to sneak around on him or encouraging me to cheat. Ms. Raye I can’t even stand to look at a man right now without wanting to scratch his eyes out. When men step to me asking me for my number I am screaming at them to get their no good, dead beat, cheating, hoeish ass out of my face. I really don’t like the anger I am feeling but for me to trust a man again will take a miracle. I want NOTHING to do with them, thus the reason why I gave up my male friends because I now think there are no good men, they are all just DOGS. Any advice you have for me I would really appreciate because I feel like I am losing my mind and losing myself because of this man.



  169.  #170Rori Raye on November 26, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Valencia – I’m going to say this straight out – you need professional help. Go to a mental health clinic, anywhere. The way you’ve treated yourself with this man is like a soap opera, and I have no idea why you don’t just drop him completely, no contact – except to say, and you’re not going to want to hear this: you LIKE being treated this way, and you LIKE hating all men. I assure you – not all men are like this, in fact, very few of them are, and yet you’ve managed to only come in contact with men like this, and then paint one half the human race with this same brush of mistrust and hate.

    What you need to do is stop hating men and start making friends of them. And forget the kind of men you’re obviously hanging with – go find some nice, ordinary men in places different from where you ordinarily hang out with and without your kids. And perhaps change the way you dress, the colors you wear, the way you wear your hair and makeup. I’m not saying there’s anything WRONG with what you’re doing now – only that it’s clearly attracting men you don’t want.

    Please get my ebook so you can begin to learn to communicate in new ways that work and stop feeling so subservient and trapped. Love, Rori



  170.  #171Valencia on November 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Hi Rori I don’t even go anywhere because I am afraid I will meet the wrong people so I stay at home. I pay more attention to work and school. I never really step to any guys they step to me. I had a guy before I thought was one of the good ones because he is a church going man and he turned out to be just like the rest. He too went and got himself someone he said was prettier and thinner than I was, that’s why I say I don’t think there are any good men left. The girl he lied to me and told me he had no interest in is now his wife. I use to not dress up at all, I use to wear only blacks and browns, I don’t wear makeup, and I use to wear my hair in one style, a ponytail, now I have cut it short and have been keeping up with it. I really don’t know what it is I am doing because I don’t go looking for a man, I don’t party, I don’t socialize, I don’t act like half these girls here in Atlanta, all slack and carefree, not caring who they hurt. I am mindful of who I hurt, I am mindful as to how I treat people because I want the same treatment in return, yet I seem to be getting the worst of it. I am just ready to give up and I know that’s not right.



  171.  #172Kelly on January 17, 2013 at 12:05 am

    Hi rori
    Can you help me, I’ve been in this relationship for nearly 5 years, were supposed to be getting married next year. 2 years ago he started a new job an for the first year and prior he was always thinking about what he get get out of work for his own benefit or us ie going go a meeting in Wales so we would plan a mini break there, he would work the same times as my shifts so we could be home an have time together. Over the last year it has gone the opposite way, works extra hours, sometimes stays late, can’t make a phone call I’m work that isn’t work related, therefore I have to organise everything, he works the hours that best suits work and work comes first, we haven’t had a sick day for over a year an I suggested let’s plan a joint sickness, he agrees when the day came he said he couldn’t too busy in work. There was a girl in his work that kept giving him books an he was accepting them despite the fact that we have the same books an he has no interest in elvis. I find (as he left the computer on with his work emails) that in the last 6 months he has sent little cute messages to this girl with pictures, wrote her a massive long funnya savage to make her laugh, when I questioned him he said that they had arranged to meet up (planned a fake meeting) to talk about a film!!! I don’t understand this relationship, he asked me if he could go for a walk in the woods with her!!! But says they are just friends an he wouldn’t go out with her cos she’s 18stone, this girl is single and with the book thing i said i think she fancies you maybe you should not act so keen, so he did (as far as i know and now these messages an 1:1 alone time) he used to send me the same messages but not anymore, he mentioned tgat he has links with this girl that he diesnt have with me. Other problems is that we used to have alot if sex, that’s decreased and was only at chritmas we argued about this and the lack of affection (one kiss a day an a 5min cuddle before sleep) an he said it would change, it did for a week, but now it’s worse. I don’t know what to do, he seems to put everyone first over me, he’s always complaining that he wants his own space and doesn’t want me there when he is going out, when he does go anywhere without me ie parents for a weekend, friends, evening out etc he forgets about me. When I aske him why he instigated those messages to the single girl knowing our discussion he said he forgot about me an didn’t see it as innapropriate.

    With the sex this I dress up for him an he has rejected me when I have been dressed up, in 5 years I’ve asked him to dress up an he has done once. He used to do such cute and considerte things ie run me bath when I was working weekends, make tea, leave me little notes an sweet treats, I did a military fit camp session abd was exhausted I text asking if he would run me a bath and when I got home he was on phone to his mum an dad for two hours an despite the phone being wireless he didn’t think nor read the text no bath. I hate it the way it is in comparison to how it used to be. We got engaged last year whilst on hol in Canada an when we returned from the hol I was very excited an started planning an he just argued with me, saying that I can only have 5k to get married, can’t have certain members of my family there, he doesn’t want to do a speech. I’ve stopped planning and told him until he shows an interest in marrying me I ain’t planning it,’he’s not shown one bit of excitement. I know I’ve written alot an there’s alot I have missed, do you have any advice please? X x



  172.  #173Rori Raye on January 17, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Kelly, I’ve deleted your last name for your privacy – please read my reply to Sandi – the answer’s the same. You can change everything, learn how to use Feeling Messages and create an entirely new dynamic between you – where you’re calm and self-assured – and that might just turn things around. If not – if this other woman is in the picture – then please just walk away and Circular Date. He’ll either come after you when he’s ready, or you’ll have a new man and wonder what you were doing with this one. Love, Rori