If We Think About Something – Do We Attract It?

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What happens when we “label” a man? Meaning – labeling a man “toxic” or a “sociopath” or a “narcissist,” as we do sometimes here, and as I do in my Toxic Men program.

The “Law of Attraction” concern is that if we start thinking about men in those confining ways – we’ll create more of that in the world, and sort of fulfill our own expectations around attracting men we label with those “qualities.”

Well…though I want us to pay attention to what we’re “putting out into the world” in terms of our thoughts –  I’m totally NOT concerned with what we put into the world with our feelings.

Paying attention to our feelings and following the trail our emotions provide to lead us to how we “create” our thoughts and our experiences is the biggest asset we have!

What I want us to watch for is what happens when we RESIST our feelings.

It is always, to me – crucial to FEEL what we’re feeling, and then, if we choose to go in a different direction, one that feels better, that feels like more of a contribution to the world than another spear chucked into it, we shift OTHER things.

We shift ACTIONS. We simply DO something different. Or we IMAGINE something different.

This is very different than resisting – it’s sort of leaning into a curve, or – you know how they say to get out of a skid in your car? You don’t slam on the brake, and you don’t give up the wheel – you DRIVE through it.

And as we shift something we CAN shift – something we may have written down, or know in advance that it feels good to us – our thoughts shift with it, and then our feelings shift (because, really, it’s not a big wrench-like thing to shift feelings – it’s all in the Soup – and we’re just touching a different feeling in that Soup.

Yes – each feeling may have it’s own vibration – some vibrate faster or slower or higher or lower – but they’re all in there.

And as for labeling – in my Toxic Men program, I really try to explain these labels, because it just helps sometimes to get clear on some things.

Sometimes we have great difficulty feeling what feels good and what feels bad, and we need some kind of objective help.

The only way we can bring something like that into our love life is to help us break patterns – in other words – the last 5 men in my life were like “that.”

They had “those” qualities, and they scored “that” on my Toxic Men quiz, and so I know that “that’s” what I’m attracted to and what I attract.

So I can notice “that” more quickly now.

This is helpful.

This has absolutely nothing to do with FEAR.

I don’t believe in worrying that I’ll attract something I’m afraid of.

That will make me more afraid, and make me want to resist feeling my fear.

I’d rather look at it this way…

I feel this feeling.

Now what?

Or, I’ve been through this experience, now what?

What can I learn?

How can I take this experience and this fear apart and shift it to something that feels good, and takes me in a direction that feels good, and releases my hold on that old thing I was focusing on?

And most important – Do I want to keep feeling this feeling over and over and over again? If I DON’T – then, what thought or activity or choice or judgment is leading me to a place where I feel that feeling?

Here’s how you work it – you use the feeling you have to retrace the thought that helped the feeling come about. If every time you eat yogurt, or a candy bar, or a diet soda you feel awful after – then that’s easy – the yogurt, candy, soda is not sitting well with you.

Same with a thought. The thought “He’s going to hurt me” makes you feel bad, makes you remember hurt, and makes you see a new man through the lens of that feeling.

Thinking – “Oh…I feel so attracted to him…he’s my one and only…” creates a feeling where you become AFRAID of LOSING him.

The FEELINGS are your CLUES.

And – just trying to turn those thoughts around doesn’t work, because you really won’t “buy” that immediate reverse.

The only way to change your thoughts and beliefs is to follow your feelings, and then SWITCH your thoughts, actions, attention onto something ELSE – something that creates a better feeling.

So…“He’s my one and only” can become “I’m so damned sexy!” or “Oh…that little dog is SO sweet!” or “I can’t wait to clean out that drawer” or “Wow, that guy in the corner is looking at me.” And you pet yourself, or you pet the dog, or you smile at the new man with a completely open heart…and then you can smile at the man you feel so attached to with an open heart, too…and just allow the new feelings to flow.

It’s not magic.  but, if you practice these techniques and tools all day long, and before you go to bed, and when you wake up in the morning – it’s pretty magical how quickly you feel better and stronger and more powerful around EVERYTHING in your life.

Then, the thought and label “he’s toxic” can refer to your feeling BAD when you’re with him…and then you can pay more attention to everything you’re feeling and speak about it to him – even in those “label” terms.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Siena on November 20, 2010 at 9:02 am

    I love this post! It’s something I’ve been wondering – how much does focusing on one type of behavior and analyzing it (as I used to do a lot on the blog here) perpetuate it!? Thank you Rori!

    I feel fantastic, free and strong this morning! I gave Mover Man the no girlfriend speech last night. I totally bumbled my way thru it (not at all elegant about it!) but I was able to communicate in a way that expressed my needs and didn’t make him wrong. He actually took it like a champ, and it seemed to make him more attracted to me.

    And I feel good knowing that I’m not sneaking around if I put my profile back on Match and start trying to attract my dream guy! I’ve been off Match bc I was tired of it, not bc of MM.

    I am vert clear on what I want now, and that helped me with the gf speech. Not only do I want to be married to my soul mate – a man I adore and who adores me – but I want him to be around a lot during the week, and for us to integrate our lives. MM can only logistically be here once per week, and it’s just not enough for me.


  2.  #2Ella on November 20, 2010 at 9:09 am


    I feel tired.

    CD men calling my phone but I don’t feel like talking…

    I feel tired, introvert, no energy for men.

    If I answer the phone I am just gonna be honest about how I am feeling but with 1 of them it will be the first time he has spoken to me and I feel anxious to be tired/grumpy in case it puts him off!

  3.  #3Velvetine on November 20, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Hi Rori,

    I have a question about oral sex and sex in general. In some ways I love giving oral sex as much as receiving it as I see it as a very intimate thing with someone I feel comfortable around. But does it mean I am leaning forward if I sometimes initiate this during foreplay with a partner? My intention is not to get it back or to make him like me – but I just enjoy it and find it pleasurable myself.

    In some ways certain sexual positions can also be seen as more masculine or feminine. Does it matter which role you take? I quite like mixing it up but sometimes feel when I am on top for example that this may be very masculine but sometimes it also feels very feminine. I don’t like the idea of feeling passive and just lying there. But I guess if you are totally in tune with your body and how you feel it is not passive.

    I know men love to see our pleasure but sometimes it feels weird, selfish or cold, to just receive and not to give through touch or with my mouth etc. I remember my first sexual partner saying I was a taker and not a giver and I guess that has stuck with me a bit. How can sex feel less transactional?

  4.  #4Ella on November 20, 2010 at 9:32 am

    I just want to see if my photo comes up when I post this as I have just added one on Gravatar!

  5.  #5Ella on November 20, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Yay! It works.

  6.  #6Meemee on November 20, 2010 at 9:33 am

    Hi all
    I am back from my trip. I have been busy with intense traveling. Hardly got time to check the blog. Now I am going through all the posts.
    I got a real nice time. I was away from X and I enjoyed not being obsessed about him. He texted me thrice and left me an offline once. I did not reply.
    Hope things are going fine with all of you.

  7.  #7Ella on November 20, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Well I am feeling very low energy today!

    I apologise in advance for the VERY long post!

    I’ve been having mixed experiences CD-ing recently.

    I’m definitely back in business in terms of my CD-ing rotation. Well I have Mr Action man, who is very masculine, so far very step up, chivalrous… older then me, separated waiting for a divorce and treats me really well. Never leaves me in doubt or anxious. Opens doors, pays for everything etc.. etc…

    I felt really turned on to him at first, today feelings of attraction have become slightly damped down, but I think these are my issues regarding recieving/handling attention.

    Then there are 3 others who are in phone/text contact from Match.com and, one of whom I am due to meet tomorrow.

    And last night the barman from my local pub and I had a ‘moment’. Plus there are others who are showing interest/curiousity from the edges.

    I’m definitely interacting with men very differently these days and it is feeling so much better for me.

    My self esteem is much higher than ever before and I am not willing to accept crumbs anymore.

    However I fell off my bridge and my horse and SPLASH into some drama (hopefully tempararily) last night.

    With Mr Sexy Barman… we have had some flirty moments and gravitate towards each other. He is very smily, a bit goofy, and it turns out a total mess head!

    Oh, and not my usual type at all. Well not in appearance anyway. He is covered in tatoos and has long greasy hair, a bit like a biker crossed with grunge type of look.

    And personality just really open, smily and lovely.

    So last night he was not working but turned up at the pub (he stays there) having had a few drinks. Well the chemistry was there already. I had seen him earlier in the day and he asked me whether I was coming to the pub that night.

    So at one point everyone left the bar room we were in and went outside to smoke. He smokes too but stayed. We just kept kinda looking at each other and smiling but no-one spoke or moved forward.

    Well I had urges to do something, like say something or move to him (lean forward) however I just held my position and kept the eye contact and just smiling!

    Well after a while he said “come closer”. Well I wasn’t sure what to do but I didn’t move. I stayed there for what seemed like forever. He repeated another 2 times to come closer and then I did.

    What does it mean when a guy requests you come to him in terms of leaning forward v leaning back and is the masculine or fem energy?

    I think it would have been better to giggle and say ‘ow, I feel more comfortable when men come to me!’ but I didn’t think of it.

    So the third time he asked I came closer to him and then we just sat side by side and kept looking at each other. He didn’t speak and neither did I. Fem energy??

    Well suddenly he started talking and said he didn’t know what to do as he has never been in this situation. I listened and it came out that he is in a relationship ‘and it is complicated!’ He said he was really attracted to me and he hadn’t been in a situation like this one before. And then he said he couldn’t give me what I needed.

    So I listened and then said it was best if I went and chatted to the others in the other bar.

    Well later he asked me to come stand with him outside while he smoked. Again he did not say much and neither did I but the attraction was there strong!

    Later I was on my own and went to chat with his group. He took it that I wanted to talk just to him and took us out the back. The pub was closing and he asked if I would stay for a while as he wanted to spend time with me.

    I wanted to spend time with him and felt ok and curious. I stayed.

    Then he gave me the key to his room and asked me to go and wait for him there while he helped lock up. He didn’t want his sister in law to know I was there. I protested that I felt like a prostitute being snuck in and it didn’t feel good.

    He said no but he didn’t want to cause any problems or for his sister in law to get the wrong idea.
    To be honest I did not want that either. He also said he wanted to explain’ everything to me. So I went to his room. Not sure how I feel about this. I did want to spend time with him but this did not feel so good and it was very much on his terms I think… not what I would have chosen.

    Well he came up quickly and we ended up getting high, which felt fun, good BUT meant that he didn’t get far with the explaining of his situation. Instead we were laughing, chatting and then kissing. Passionate kisses.

    BTW – this has been building up between me and him for weeks… lots of flirting/eye contact etc…

    Well he did say he was in a drama relationship and he felt trapped in situation as she ‘depends’ on him. He said it couldn’t be fixed but it didn’t seem like he was going to or felt able to end it either.

    When he spoke about it his body language completely changed, like heavy and loads of pain in his eyes… weight on his shoulders…

    And somehow he couldn’t find the words to explain the situation… just kept getting stuck. I was not asking for explanation.

    Well I just listened and then said how I felt, which was weird and not good to hear about this relationship and how he is with someone else/not available to me.

    Well we kissed more and in the moment things felt AMAZING! Happy, good.

    BUT as soon as I started THINKING about the situation I felt stressed, heavy, annoyed!

    I am wondering if there is an element of ‘man crack’ in this situation. Am I following that familiar old pattern of massive attraction to men who are not available for me? Is this what makes him extra attractive?

    Not good for me.

    Is he a toxic man for me?

    He also said he would be with me in a heartbeat if he could and he said many times how he thought I was beautiful.

    The kissing and cuddling felt AMAZING. More than I have felt for ages! Like I want him… My body is drawn to him.

    He is a bad boy… a mess head and LOVELY to me! I felt happy near him but not about his ‘situation’.

    Well then we cuddled and kinda snoozed and then I felt sober. As soon as I felt sober I became really ‘thinky’.

    Well I started to feel bad, anxious, angry, annoyed and wanting to leave.

    I told him how I felt however at one point I stopped feeling messages and fell into saying I felt mad AT HIM! He said he was sorry and didn’t want to make me feel bad.

    Then I wanted to go. Well he wanted me to stay. At this point I felt cross and I said to him ‘what is the point’ and I was thinking in future not in the moment.

    I re-iterated that he is with someone and that he is not available for me, more to myself than anything else! He just kinda nodded and looked pained (fem energy again?).

    Well I said I wanted to leave and he said he really wanted me to stay bc he loved spending time with me and didn’t want it to end.

    I said it had to end sometime why not now!! Oh dear, I can see I was acting out my anger instead of continuing to say how I felt.

    I also said at one point ‘well do you want me to get cross with you??’ – ewwww that felt BAD as soon as I uttered it, so then I stopped talking. It felt like a threat and I felt like his mum/judgemental. The vibe changed to heavy then.

    Well we left and he drove me home. We were quiet in the van. Vibe was kinda ok again.

    when he dropped me off he said “I am really sorry” I asked him what he is sorry for? He said he didn’t know.

    I said I had had a good time (which was true) he said he did too and then I left.

    Well I am obviously going to stay away from him (romantically) but it is feeling difficult.

    I feel sooo drawn to him. Is it man crack?

    And the worse thing is it makes the experience I have with Mr Action Man, who is stepping up, feel mundane! 🙁

    I wish it didn’t however since being with Mr Barman my feelings towards Mr Action Man have dampened. Boo hoo.

    I was also struggling with the feelings, judgements and guilt that got brought up bc I know he has a g.friend. He said he felt bad too… but good to be with me.

    Well I don’t need to do anything anyway as he will not be stepping up…

    But I do feel I fell into drama and need to find my horse and climb back up then onto my bridge again.

    But I feel scared and I want him.. or I want something… maybe triggers for old situations of longing for people… like my stepdad after he died… and my real dad when he left when I was 4.

    So that is it I guess..

    But feelings sad and deflated. Also like I could have done better in the situation…

    But also good too, that I am learning. and I am human. My reactions were what they were and I still love me and accept me, emotions and behaviours.

    I love that I kept trying to express how I felt. I feel sad that I got too ‘thinky’ instead of staying in the moment.

    When I came down from being high I felt ‘ugly’ and I started to think and then the situation felt sleazy, which it hadn’t before. I didn’t feel loving of myself or beautiful and I felt ‘yuk’.

    I am still a DIVA and I do feel scared in case people saw and judge. But it is fine. I am strong inside and I do what I do.

    I am DIVA GODDESS. And I will not take crumbs here. I said what I do not want. I was honest, expressed my feelings and took care of myself.

    And I had another new experience….

    Now… just to find the way back out of this drama onto my path!

  8.  #8Claire on November 20, 2010 at 10:40 am

    This post is right on to what I have faced and felt tonight.

    Earlier today, I read older posts from Rori and I saw Patty’s advice. I had a party tonight to attend so I used what I’ve learned and I felt so irritated.

    One guy ignores me pretty much every time when I see him in a gathering that happens once every week. I felt invisible, ignored and terrible whenever I said Hi or casually said bye cos he just passed by. – I felt like he didn’t like me and I hate feeling that way. So I gave up. I told myself, I will not communicate to this man who makes me feel invisible anymore. I used to like him but I’m not going to anymore.

    Well, tonight became different! I was making something for myself to eat at the party. He was beside me and when I finished, he said Hi and I said Hi and I left. I just don’t want to feel hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel that awkward silent thing which happened before with him after a Hi.

    I felt irritated. I feel like if you Mr, wants to ignore me, please don’t ever talk to me again. Don’t come and raise my hopes up. I don’t need that.

    And then there is guy number 2 who is also at the party. The first time we met, we had a great conversation. And long story short – he would be the guy most girls describe on having a great time together and then he never called.

    He ignored me and avoided me when I saw him again 1 month after that great conversation. And then tonight, he was taking a picture or something and he looked at me and smiled. I smiled a little and looked away. I don’t want to be the game that he gets to play when he feels like it! If you’re ignoring me, I’m not gonna give it to you when you suddenly turns oh so nice to me! I’ve had it!!!! I’ve had enough of these temperamental men & me always accommodating and pleasing them!

    Why DO all these guys ignore me and then suddenly they just change and be so different?!!?! I hate that!!!! I cannot predict when this person’s gonna be hot/cold towards me. Happened so many times to me! Even female friends do that to me!!

    Why is that?!?!?!

  9.  #9Ella on November 20, 2010 at 10:47 am

    oh I just feel like crying 🙁

    Mr Action Man asked to see me and I said no. but I want to talk to him but feel I can’t because I will say how I feel and how I feel is sad about situation with Mr Barman!

    I feel dysfunctional… Hopeless that I can have a ‘real’ relationship when I gravitate towards drama.

    I feel like a mess…

    Love my feelings, sad, dysfunctional, mess…

    In my tummy, heavy legs.

  10.  #10LonePlum on November 20, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Ella, you are GORGEOUS! 🙂

  11.  #11Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Why is J facebooking me? Don’t’ bug me dude. I will call YOU when it’s time for booty call.
    I feel pressured. Does this dude wanna own me? WTF? Your job is to make me feel good. Not for me to make you feel good. Throwing a fck into me is your feeling good.
    Yer not the boss of mee
    Buzz off

  12.  #12Ella on November 20, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    Aww, Thank you Loneplum! 🙂

  13.  #13Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    what feeling messages do I use here?
    I feel annoyed.
    I feel pressured?
    I feel scrutinized….is that a feeling?

  14.  #14Ella on November 20, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    hmmm what is the message for me when the men I like keep ‘belonging’ to another woman?

    Universe – show me the message?

  15.  #15Ella on November 20, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    Jennifer re 13

    Yes I think so.

  16.  #16Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    How about….I feel annoyed. I expectations kill my horny

  17.  #17Daria on November 20, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Jennifer – I “Daria” feel confused… sounds like this guy is “into” you and that’s triggering you to feel pressure?

  18.  #18Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    interesting observation.
    He *IS* into me.
    But I wanna be in control here since he’s not a potential possible mate.
    He’s fer Fckin.
    Is this a potential lesson in letting go?
    I dunno.
    I *DO* have control issues.

    Oh Daria…you rock!

  19.  #19Daria on November 20, 2010 at 12:40 pm


  20.  #20Daria on November 20, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Ella’s a cutie!

  21.  #21Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Riffing an Processing.
    “I was kind of hoping to hear from you tonight. That bad headache certainly explains why not though.
    Hope you feel better soon!”

    This is Js facebook message to me.
    Why do i feel triggered?
    Cause buddy has expectations?

  22.  #22Ella on November 20, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Well reading back my massive, long post I think I CAN stay open to this guy WHILST moving away from him.

    I do not want to act in anger towards him… I need to find some understanding of him being another human and doing his best… then I can soften again.

    Ok to feel angry but not blame him, that doesn’t feel good.

    Angry like a child who can’t have what I want. Tight, fleeting in the stomach…

    feels like salty tongue and sligthly tight through throat.

    Tight, masculine muscles.

    Now breathing, breathing… that feels better, looser.

    Still tight/angry in stomach…

    worrying about what others think of me… sad sad…
    eary inside, slumpy shoulders.

    It’s ok, I love my slumpy shoulders!

    Need a rest – feeling tired, men demanding, energy.

    relationship with mother tense today… shouty, aggressive. Her ‘angry’ vibe today and me reacting defensive.

    Feel bad like lazy teenager. Guilt.

    She not have boundaries = angry… but this is a label! A judgement.

    tighty, tighty stomach.

    Tight down legs.

    face feels puffy.

    Oww, I feel ugly! ugly feet. ugly theme.. why ugly??
    mess head? Feel like a waster??

    Oww, I love my waster side. I love my mess head. Is cute.

    cute little mess head

    laughing laughing at cute lil me!

    It’s ok scared one inside. I will look after you.

    I will never abandon you in the lostness.

    I am here for you!

    I love me. Love my feelings!
    feels kike t

  23.  #23Ella on November 20, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Re 20

    Thanks Daria! 🙂

  24.  #24Daria on November 20, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Jennifer – ECH!!! ok!

    I feel annoyed and weirded out…


    NOOO I don’t want it to be assumed that my headache is why you are “not hearing” from me

    this feels weird and it feels like a turn off…

    “hi… i feel flattered that you wanted to see me… but i feel weird it being guessed at what reasons are for my not being available… i actually feel… kinda intruded upon… and turned off reading that… and i don’t want to feel that way. I enjoy my time with you.. what do you think?”

  25.  #25Daria on November 20, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Ella – I’ve been finding that I feel ANGRY and turned off when men even mention another woman!

    Even when I know they are in a relationship (married neighbor)… when it’s mentioned that I am to be hidden

    THAT feels bad

    so i have been noticing that

    and it’s starting to turn me more and more off

    to where nnow im like

    WHAT!! how DARE YOU tell me about another woman


    I receive only worship, and hearing about another woman I FEEL FURIOUS!!!




    i took babysteps to this boundary… important to notice the heavyness in my heart when hearing about another woman from him (not from my head… from HIM)

  26.  #26Ella on November 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    I feel sad that I let out anger towards Mr Barman!

    This is NOT how I feel about him.

    I feel warm ,soft, lovey towards him, even if he is not a step up man for me right now.

    But I feel anxious that my ‘growly’ grizzby bear side frightens him away?


  27.  #27Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Jennifer, I feel confused too. Hmmm…

    I like Daria’s feeling message. Just riffing along…

    I feel flattered you wanted to see me, but I feel weird receiving a FB friend request. I don’t want a relationship with a man who isn’t a potential mate. (???) I enjoy what we have together but I don’t want either of us to have expectations.

    All sorts of judgments and assumptions in that message.

    Why do I feel weird that a man I’m spending time with wants to friend me?

    Why do I feel mad that he wants to spend time with me?

    There’s a no-girlfriend speech sort of idea nagging at the back of my brain.

    Do I have clear boundaries for this relationship? Does he know those?

    Am I afraid he’ll cross one and post something crazy on Facebook? Am I afraid he’ll know more than he needs to know (through FB) and either a) expect more of my time or b) dump me based on what he sees on FB?

    This is why I am not friends with men I date on FB. Makes life easier for me.

  28.  #28Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:02 pm


    re 25…

    yes, that helps! I can relate to those feelings.

    Heavy heart when hearing about his ‘situation!’.

    But maybe that is why he couldn’t actually ‘explain’ and find the words so we ended up sitting in silence.

    I did feel anger… it was not focus on me when it was on his ‘relationship’ and yes that came from him…

    and then anger came from me when he was ready to let it go.

  29.  #29Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 1:04 pm


  30.  #30Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    re 27 – yes I often have inner conflict about FB and whether to ad guys I am dating.

    Feels too personal, like someone poking around in my life…

    on the other hand it can be a great flirting tool and good social proof of my goddess status!

    However I am veering towards not ading people I am dating…

  31.  #31Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    hey SS
    we’ve been on FB together for years. We’ve been friends for years. The boom chicka wow wow just started recently.
    It’s kinda….expectation-y, his message. I feel like he’s saying “why didn’t you call me at your earliest available opportunity?”

  32.  #32Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    What does it mean in terms of leaning forward versus leaning back when a guy asks you to ‘come closer’ towards him.

    That involves you moving to be near him… and he asks again when you don’t move??

    Is this fem energy? Or is it powergame? Or masculine?

    It felt nice to me however a lil’ weird to be asked to ‘do’ something…

    Surely I am the Goddess? He is the one who moves to me…


  33.  #33Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 1:12 pm


    hi… i feel flattered that you wanted to see me… but i feel weird it being guessed at what reasons are for my not being available… i actually feel… kinda intruded upon… and turned off reading that… and i don’t want to feel that way. I enjoy my time with you.. what do you think?

    Hi, I feel flattered that you wanted to see me again. I feel kinda weird that you messaged me though. I feel worried about expectations.
    I don’t want that. I enjoy my time with you. What do you think?

  34.  #34Daria on November 20, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    “hey… this feels kinda weird… i feel uncomfortable to say this but… I felt kinda icky reading the assumption that im not available due to my headache… I don’t want to feel like my presence is taken for granted and that’s kinda the feeling i got from it… what do you think?”

  35.  #35Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Oww, I am feeling scared now…

    Like I was ‘doing’ what he wanted… instead of him coming to me (although he was)… and this originates from him changing the vibe when he said

    ‘I cannot give you what you want!’

    Oww, I feel angry now! Like WTF!! How do you presume to know what I want Mr F8ck You!!

    Grrr, now I know why I felt angry…

    He was not worshipping me properly. How I want to be worhsipped.

    But this too can be healed.

    And its ok, babysteps.

    Watch when I POW you mate with my Goddess status and you wish to come to my alter!

    But still lovey towards you… but NOT over me!

    That is what was done in the past… now we do things differently!

    Now I am LOVEY towards me first… not your needs. mine.

    I comne first. higher self esteem. If it doesn’t feel good, leave, even if attraction so strong

  36.  #36Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Seems to me he already answered that question for himself. I read:

    I wanted to see you. I didn’t get to so I’m making up a story so I’ll feel better about not hearing from you. I care about you, and I hope you feel better soon.

    The only expectation I hear is the implied I hope you feel better soon so that I can see you soon (which to me is a good expectation for a man to have.)

    What do you think?

  37.  #37Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Yes feeling angry about being ‘hidden’ and made to listen about another woman!

    NO NO NO!!

    Not for me! If you want to be with me you focus only on me!

    Grrrr… cross. FURIOUS! Yes, like that… feels strong. powerful.

    No regrets, just learning.


  38.  #38Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    Ella, If a man asks me to do something, he’s leading. If it feels bad, illegal, immoral, I say no. Otherwise I follow his lead. He wants me closer. Okey dokey.

    Kind of like the “I’m going to stand here until you tell me what you want to do.” He told me to move. Okey dokey.

  39.  #39Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    I’m not your F-ing counsellor mate…


    I wonder if it would have felt better to have everything we had but w/o hearing about his ‘situation’…

    or is it better to walk away as soon as I know there is someone else?

    Hmm, think thinky… feely feely… I guess I can make that call in the moment.

  40.  #40Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    SS, thanks that feels good.

    I like to hear your voice on here. It feels balancing to me.

  41.  #41Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Is cool
    I read “I assume the only reason yer NOT calling me is cause you had a headache. Cause other wise you would be here…cause I want you to be and I’m in charge.”

    Interesting and certainly drives home the point that all is perception

  42.  #42Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    [[singing the theme song from malcom in the middle]]

    yer not the boss of me now, yer not the boss of me now!!!!

  43.  #43Ella on November 20, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    I have a fear that when I am with someone who is good for me I will not get to express my ‘dirty’ mess head side…

    The one who goes out all night, gets high, sexy dances, has illicit encounters, likes dirty sex etc etc…

    That side of me is part of me too and I am frightened that ‘good’ wholesome men will want to supress and judge that like my ex did and that I will shrivel up and my juiciness will die as a result.

    I will lose that part of me, sacrificed for a good man…

    BUT I love that part of me!

    I want it all.. good step up man who doesn’t judge me AND it is exciting, juicy!

    I wonder if that is possible?

    I wonder…

  44.  #44Maria on November 20, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    l am ready to have a baby. It feels fantastic to be able to feel that you are ready and to be in the place in life, where you feel you are ready for it. Its the first time l feel like this. And it feels so natural and so wonderful, so tender:)

  45.  #45Ella on November 20, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Lots of men in the pub last night…

    and little me.

    But I held my space and did not ‘be a man’, I stayed feminine. And it felt good.

    And one guy I had to tell how his behaviour before had made me feel uncomfortable. And later he said he had not come across a woman like me before and he is not sure how to ‘handle’ me… but in a good way.

    Awww! How sweet.

    And sometimes I catch him (and others) looking at me with a kinda curious / sorta awe expression… a long look.

    It feels nice.

    And I look in his eyes and something flashes between us. For me it is that I am a Siren… for him I don’t know but it is nice to know I off balance him in a good way!

  46.  #46Daria on November 20, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Maria – wow that felt awesome to read!

    are you ready for a child for yourself?

    or are you ready for starting a family with a man?

    I feel curious how the baby-desire will come upon me…

  47.  #47Daria on November 20, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    text convo:

    Man: so can I say ur my girlfriend?

    Me: aww papi hehe… no im not wanting to be a gf… I want to be married… Till a man comes up with a proposal i like I want to be single

    Man: I feel ya and I want the same. so what type of proposal would i need 2 offer 2 make you my fiancee? Cause i wanna be with you exclusively

    Me: =) I feel glad to know that… Hmm it would have to be a marriage proposal… Right now though I would feel weird since I don’t feel I know you well

    Man: that’s what’s up and I agree cause I want to konw you as well as possible also, I just don’t want to lose you to competition before I even get you, you feel me?

    Me: =) I know

    Man: I guess I better hurry up and start takin’ you on more dates and spending more time with you so you can get to know me better, because I want you to be Mrs. X

    Me: hehe

    Man: for real

  48.  #48Ella on November 20, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I do feel confused about being with Mr Barman.

    And the familiar old feeling of fear about people judging me…

    The labels sl*t and homewrecker come to my mind from my judging self.

    Fear of being rejected and witch hunted…

    But I have dealt with this fear before… and these NV’s and come out stronger. Giving NV a cookie and and sending to sit in the corner for now…

    I know they are trying to protect me.

    As long as I am ok with me.

    Let go of my ‘people pleasing’ urges ESPECIALLY when I feel afraid that someone doesn’t like me.

    Screw it – not everyone can like me! As long as I am living my truth and ok with me….

  49.  #49Ella on November 20, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Daria re 47

    Woo-hoo Siren Magic!


  50.  #50Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Ella, I have this side too…

    The one who goes out all night, gets high, sexy dances, has illicit encounters, likes dirty sex etc etc…

    Yeppers. I don’t feel as afraid of it anymore though. I’ve been sharing it with folks. Well not all the details but the “sexual/physical sin is my weakness”. I believe most people have this side. Some just hide it better than others. Guess I’m saying you’re in good company. 😉 Any man who can’t handle this (hmmm… Mr. Fab Kisser was kind of this way) can step off.

    I don’t want to feel limited in the details I share. It’s a part of my past. I don’t feel ashamed. If I feel a man shaming me, then I’m gonna believe he’s got some issues with his own sexual self. Not my problemo.

  51.  #51Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Daria, I like this guy! He gets it.

  52.  #52Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Daria..I’m all wicked jealous!
    SS is right…he gets it!

  53.  #53Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    Re 52.

    Yes it sounds like it… as long as he follows through with actions.

  54.  #54Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:12 pm


    Just curious….

    What would you say to a man who started talking to you about another woman?

  55.  #55janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    wow, i feel myself expanding… like im starting to “take up room”

    as opposed to making myself littler and invisible and unseen and unheard and apologizing for my existence type feeling… 🙂

  56.  #56janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    i never discuss my sexual past with men.
    its mine! they don’t need to know.
    it’s a firm boundary.

    they can know that
    1. i had one
    2. i enjoyed it
    3. it’s my business, just as his is his

    that’s as far as im going to go with it 🙂

  57.  #57Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Ella – WHOA! hehehe what do i say hmm

    I say something like… ohh… I don’t feel comfortable hearing about other women

    then he either apologizes or,

    says, ohhh.. but im just telling you I have a gf just letting you know

    at which point I say…

    wow. I’m feeling really angry. I do not want to hear about other women. that doesn NOT feel good to me. I’m not interested in a man who speaks to me about other women

    and then kill him with a swift pawslap that decapitates him

    then i suck the marrow out his spine

  58.  #58Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    In the case of married neighbor… i stopped inviting myself over there

    i noticed i felt bad inside, i was really able to turn that around visualizing myself as the Goddess… by also moving away when it didn’t feel good

    I’m also open to him as friends in a way, but the attraction is strong, especially when I lean back into feminine

  59.  #59Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    I was able to realize i don’t want “thrilling situation sex” with him,

    maybe only to have him please me

    he’d have to initiate

  60.  #60Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    “The one who goes out all night, gets high, sexy dances, has illicit encounters, likes dirty sex etc etc…


    it is worthy, blessed, holy, spiritual, powerful, wild

    thank you thank you

  61.  #61Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    “then I suck the marrow outta his spine”

    Freakin Ay!

  62.  #62Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Daria re 57,

    LOL! I am very pleased I am not a man talking to you about another woman! te he

  63.  #63Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    and don’t we ALL like dirty sex?
    I mean really?
    What’s yer definition of dirty?

  64.  #64Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    just a random question for the blog
    what’s everyone’s definition of “dirty” sex.
    Like….leather? Whips? Midgets?

  65.  #65Daria on November 20, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    Hehehe licks wiskers

  66.  #66Ella on November 20, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Ha ha Jennifer!

    Actually for me personally I do not feel comfortable to discuss my definition of dirty sex on here as it applies to me.

    I just know it feels dirty to me! 😉

  67.  #67Jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    is cool
    good boundaries.

  68.  #68Ella on November 20, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    I’ve just realised another thing about why the vibe felt ‘off’ with Mr Barman sometimes.

    It is because the situation set up as though I needed an outcome… by him saying ‘I cannot give you what you want’ he was assuming (wrongly) that I wanted or needed something from him.

    So there was pressure as though I needed an outcome! This came from him not me!

    And then when I was feeling angry I thought it was about this ie him not being able to fulfil my expectation.
    I bought into his thoughts about the situation, into his reality, instead of staying in touch with mine (which is that I have no expectations and just want to feel good in the moment).

    And I expressed my anger as though it was about this when in fact I felt enrgaged that he was speaking about another woman to me, and not worshipping…



  69.  #69Sapphire-n-jewels on November 20, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    How is your vibe at these times. Rori take about being open. Just have your boundaries to make you strong on the inside so you can be soft and open on the outside. I find it interesting that female friends to this behaviour also
    Best wishes
    Sapphire-n-jewels xxx

  70.  #70janjune on November 20, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    great break-down!

    great insight!

    your gamesman guy, your player guy… 🙂
    they’re so much Fun once we can hold our own in the game!

  71.  #71LonePlum on November 20, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Ella 32

    That’s how I feel as well.

    A man goes towards the woman. He does not give her the order to come.

    He leads by inviting her to go somewhere along with him, but he does not ask her to move her body while he stays still.

    He leads by moving his own body closer for things to happen, IF and only If the Goddess let them happen. But he can’t give her the order to do anything for things to happen.

    I am thinking of ex para man, for example, he keeps a safe distant, it means his goal is to make you feel safe with him.
    The “make her safe” goal means he thinks high of you. He will take his time to shorten the distance.

    I bet if you keep dating para man and if he ever feels he can shorten the distance, he will shorten it HIMSELF.

    A man does not give “orders” to a Goddess.
    A man does not hide a Goddess, he is proud to take care of her. That’s what makes him a man 😉

  72.  #72janjune on November 20, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    I’m loving my “game guys” online… LOL!

  73.  #73janjune on November 20, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    oh lonePlum, i so agree!

    to one man i simply wrote back these words.

    “I don’t take orders from men.”

    i never heard from him again!!! (so far!)
    good riddance if this is his way of relating to women!
    i think i will hear from him again though! 🙂

  74.  #74LonePlum on November 20, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Janjune 73

    ha ha ha
    How can we tweak that into a feeling message, though?

    “I feel barked at” looool depends what the man said

    “I feel infantilized, I feel back at school”

    “What’s in it for me” loooool

    “Come and get me yourself you fat lazy a**” looool
    NO, the last one is not even good exercise. It is giving an order to the man.

    Any idea?

  75.  #75Plum on November 20, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Becoming Plum

  76.  #76Claire on November 20, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Hi Sapphire-n-jewels,

    I have no idea too why… I experience it with one of my female friends. She can be nice to me at one time and the next week when I see her again, it’s something else. I’m just really tired of this lately. They’re new friends that I made, not my old friends.

    I feel really sad in my heart. Woke up feeling this way just feels horrible.

  77.  #77janjune on November 20, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    hi LP,
    the only thing i can think of that i really might actually have said would be:
    “I don’t want to take orders from men.”

    …that probably would have been better in terms of being more goddessey. but he, i felt at the time, was a man who could hear it ‘straight up’, in boy talk… probably because that’s how he was talking to me… and for some reason, i felt it was appropriate to give it to him that way!

    at the time it felt very very good because i am just now beginning to learn how to have, clearly draw and enforce personal boundaries.

    so for me, at the time, it was more about drawing my boundaries in a clear way than it was about comunicating… oops! 🙂
    oh well. no harm done!
    i think/feel, down inside me, that it tickled him and pleased him and i will be very very surprised if he doesn’t decide to “re-visit” me in the future sometime… just a feeling though… 🙂

    …okay, so now that ive passed that point, let’s see…

    i feel strange when a man gives me what feels like orders.
    i feel unseen when a man tells me what to do
    i feel unseen when a man tells me what to do without seeing how i feel about it.
    that feels like an order from a drill sargeant, were you recently discharged from military service?… LOOOOOOOL!

  78.  #78Daria on November 20, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Hi plum! How cute and yummy you look all of a sudden… Licks wiskers again and suddenly stares off away in another direction

  79.  #79Daria on November 20, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Ohh this feels bad to read… Actually I feel angry.,, I don’t wamt to be told what to do this way.., what do u think?

  80.  #80janjune on November 20, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    daria #79

    what do you mean?

  81.  #81Daria on November 20, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Janjune – practicing response for drill Sargent guy

  82.  #82Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 6:26 pm


    I have had this experience constantly 🙁 I know some feel as if I am their competition…:( I feel hurt, rejected…

    One of them has been a friend since college …she still does it…I expressed to her in a few occasions how it makes me feel…she always finds excuses…extreme passive aggressive…and emotionally abusive…It is what I call “Emotional Vampires” and she is not just with me…However, I feel compassion towards her…try to understand …and try not to take it too personal 🙂

    I just learned that is not about me…It is their insecurities that I somehow bring out…:(

    Hugs 🙂

  83.  #83lm on November 20, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    a guy i am dating said he thought an actress was pretty and it TOTALLY TRIGGERED ME. i felt like a jealous jr high girl. gah! i think it’s because he never really compliments me.

  84.  #84Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Interesting experience with my ex today. We had something to discuss about our kids. I told him “I feel uncomfortable. I feel scared. I don’t want to feel this way at all. I’m assuming XYZ and I feel uncomfortable with that idea.” I fully expected an argument (past experience) but in my head I was wishing for him to make me feel better. And he did. I felt instantly better with what he told me. He even offered for us to talk about it again if I have any more concerns. This is 180 from where we’ve been in disagreements. I can hardly believe it. 😯

    Feeling messages work. Thank you Rori! Wow.

  85.  #85janjune on November 20, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    im talking to my sister on the phone—
    she’s using FEELING MESSAGES!!


  86.  #86janjune on November 20, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    i haven’t talked to her about any of this…
    just been communicating with her in this way!
    now she’s picked it up on her own!
    so cute!

  87.  #87Daria on November 20, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Janjune – awesome! It started happening in my family … Parents using them with each other hehe

  88.  #88Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Hello Sirens,

    I put together a Heart Song playlist…Gosh, I love being romanced…These men are sooo good at it 🙂

    Hope you enjoy it 🙂


  89.  #89janjune on November 20, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    daria! so funny!!! love it! i feel so happy to imagine the happiness this rori Tool is bringing your parents in their relationship with one another! i am imagining they just fell in love with each other all over again :)!

    i’ve noticed for the past four/six months or so my sister has been really listening when i talk to her (about some very serious subjects she and i have to deal with together in our family– we are in a place where we have to make decisons together)

    now, tonight, she used two or three
    “I feel… ”
    on the phone!
    i felt so connected. so understanding of what was on her mind and we are so much better able to express ourselves to one another even when we don’t agree on what exactly should be done in what timeframe…

  90.  #90janjune on November 20, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    hi Im–
    (maybe?) a perfect time to say:
    “I don’t know why, i feel jealous hearing about how attractive you find someone else even though she’s not in your life… (smiling)I would rather hear about why you’re attracted to me… ”

    and see what he says…
    you can always up your CD quota if you don’t like the answer!

  91.  #91Jeannette on November 20, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Im, I too get jealous when my man says he thinks some movie star is attractive. He also says things like, “I saw a new doctor today….I think she is Filipino and maybe 30 years old.” (I am 56.) I don’t know…why do guys mention how old they think someone is…are they all caught up in how YOUNG women are or something. I just find it annoying and I want to say something to him, any ideas sirens? To not sound jealous but yet make a point?

  92.  #92Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Simply Shannon # 38

    Gosh, this is soooo good…I can’t stop laughing…:) I love hearing u voice 🙂

  93.  #93Daria on November 20, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    feeling excited!

    Janjune remember how you liked my 102 about thinking when the feelings first came up… in the past!?

    well that is how Erika’s way of using EFT

    and then tap on that situation in the past, and the feelings and beliefs that come up

    So i decided to do some tapping tonite, because I was feeling left out of this party in my town that i was invited to but not picked up for …

    so i started with what i REALLY love

    the EFT resistance to change video on Youtube…

    then i started tapping, and i realize i love myself a lot now because i feel a lot less resistance saying i love myself and accept myself

    on the situation…

    and it brought up thoughts of middle school

    so i tapped on the middle schooll times, and what i could remember, and feeling jealous and etc

    i didnt get to really end completely but i did get some done…

    i went to dinner

    I come back and theres HELLA text messages and even some people might take me to the party now

    and i just feel excited!!

    I feel excited that I’m not resistant to doing EFT and the energy feels so much easier

    I imagine when i tap colorful energy flowing from my fingers into my energy channels and

    I breathe and let all the guffawh ahumm huggh sounds that my body does when i move energy and i feel HAPPY

    and excited and lovely


  94.  #94Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Hmm…This is my 3rd weekend having a date with my highness self on “Have the Relationship U Want”.com

    I feel weird…I feel like a looser…I just can’t get my butt out there…:( I feel frozen…like a kid about to take the test and feels like she’s gonna fail…:(


  95.  #95Daria on November 20, 2010 at 9:49 pm

    Jeannette – I feel concerned hearing you ask to not sound jealous but make a point

    that sounds terribly inauthentic and masculine…

    try telling the truth…

    “I feel jealous and uncomfortable hearing that you noticed these women’s ages… I start feeling insecure… and I don’t want to blame you and I also don’t want to feel this way… what do you think we should do?”

    and see what happens

    it will feel scary but then it will feel great that you were honest and it will bring you closer

    and you will get to see what HE comes up with to help you

  96.  #96Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Daria: U must leave on the west coast 🙂

    Hmm…would love to go out with u…:) Come to PDX 🙂

    Have fun on my behalf tonite 🙂

  97.  #97Daria on November 20, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    Darling – i do in the bay area California…

    wheres PDX? Portland?

  98.  #98Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 10:03 pm


    Yes, indeed 🙂 U should consider coming up 🙂

  99.  #99Daria on November 20, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    Darling – I’m listeing to your list hehe


  100.  #100Daria on November 20, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    darling – tha’s awesome! I want to visit Portland! yay for you being there and me knowing you that live there hehe

  101.  #101Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    Cool 🙂 I think u have my email address/contact of u website…:) Lets connect 🙂

  102.  #102janjune on November 20, 2010 at 10:07 pm


    loool yes!
    sounds good!

    goodnight goddessezzz zz z z

  103.  #103Daria on November 20, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Darling – not sure that I do… haven’t checked my email for a couple days lol!

    mine is magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com

  104.  #104Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 10:17 pm


    OK. Great. I sent you an invite to my gmail account 🙂

    Have fun tonite 🙂

  105.  #105MissyB on November 21, 2010 at 1:17 am

    Some great examples of Law of Attraction in relationships here – thanks for writing Rori.
    Nothing matters more than feeling good throughout life…who wants to feel pants…so I’m off out there to feel good.

  106.  #106Daria on November 21, 2010 at 1:36 am

    Had Super Fun

    Yelled at some boys

    sexiest bit9ch in the club

    only because i think i am

    i think its incredible what happens to a woman when she thinks shes sexy

  107.  #107Leo on November 21, 2010 at 3:14 am

    So, no i finally found some place (when messaging with friends only) where to practice those feeling messages (in my mother tounghe which is some problem for i have read all that in English).
    And its going quite well. And I think I reall get to my feelings. I am not sure yet how soon I can really do that around my boyfriend….but: baby steps.
    But most important: I really figured some things out about my life…what I like and dislike.
    Lonely walks at night (did it a couple days ago) are really great for that purpose!!!

  108.  #108Daria on November 21, 2010 at 3:31 am

    Yay Leo – this soudns awesome! yes babysteps work! soon you will be doing it with your boyfriend! so exciting!

  109.  #109Daria on November 21, 2010 at 3:45 am

    nice to nice to nice to know ya

    lets do it again

    how we did it on a one night stand

    girl i wana be more than a friend

    to ya


    i feel chills

    i feel sobs i feel broken hearted

    i dont know that anyone ever loved me

    i shift to a Powerful sense of confidence in myself

    i still have a lot of it

    i shift to a Powerful sense of confidence in myself

    iw ant to be wanted after a one night stand WAAAAH

    i shift to a Powerful sense of confidence in myself

    i feel alone i feel lonely i feel NOT loved

    i shift to a POWERFUL sense of confidence in myself

    that will attract a man like a magnet and keep him wanting me no matter what

    thank you for loving me

    nite Daria

  110.  #110Leo on November 21, 2010 at 3:50 am

    yeah, am happy too.
    But regarging my boyfriend I am still kinda afraid of his reaction.

    Another problem… tonight I want to go to the movies with a friend. Soon he’ll tell me if we really are going to and then i have to book the tickets.
    (here it’s 12:45 p.m. by the way). And my boyfriend is on the ay home from his cousin. He might ask if i stopped by and stayed with him for the night…
    My problem is… I do want to see him… but on the other hand I don’t feel like busting the movie-date.
    I know it would be right to just stick to my plans and go to the movies…but… I miss my boyfriend.

    Damn… such situations didn’t exist in quite a while… cause usually I was just (almost always) available, didnt have much plans for myself…

    Going to the movies would be lots of fun and it would signal my boyfriend that I am not always available to jump if he calls.
    But… it would also make me feel bad…cause I know he misses me too and i miss him too…

    But I know what’s the “right” thing to do…

    (and once I booked the tickets there is no way back anyways)

  111.  #111Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 4:56 am

    @109 Leo
    “…usually I was just (almost always) available, didnt have much plans for myself…”

    Someone mentioned on previous thread that Rori advises dropping everything and all plans in order to be with a man. Is this true?

    I feel most comfortable honoring the plans I make for myself and scheduling a guy later…unless I were taking him to hospital Emergency Room or something like that…


  112.  #112Leo on November 21, 2010 at 5:31 am

    Hm.. I have read that to in some other post…
    But i am unsure about it. Cause I have read also that one should not accept invitations on the last minute so the guy respects us having made plans and in the future doesn’t wait until the last second to call us.

    All in all: I should respect my own feelings the most and act accordingly.

    But in this matter I don’t really know what I feel and want.
    I want to go to the movies with my guy-friend, cause it would be fun and i’d enjoy it, but i’d also enjoy going to my boyfriend’s cause i miss him and would like to spend time with him.

    I don’t know….

  113.  #113Darling Ella on November 21, 2010 at 9:28 am

    Good Morning Sirens,

    Hmm…Here is u Sunday morning pick up line …lol

    Easy…like Sunday Morning…I sooo feel the lyrics…



  114.  #114Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Reba McEntire – “A Sunday Kind Of Love”
    music video 4:05


  115.  #115Jennifer on November 21, 2010 at 10:17 am

    Feeling wierd
    Feeling “off”
    Feeling stunned and frozen a little
    Feeling unsure.
    Been emailing B since I found out he failed CAP.
    He was complaining about his situation then said “enough of my negativity..”
    I replied
    ” I feel fine with your “negativity”. If you are unhappy or pissed or frustrated or whatever; I have no problem with you telling me that. I know it doesn’t have anything to do with me. I know you don’t want me to fix it.
    I wanted more of the conversations to be about me, I wanted to feel the weight of your attention. Does that make sense? But that doesn’t mean that there’s no room for you. Especially when you have huge stuff going on.
    So vent away.
    I feel good that you feel safe enough with me to tell me stuff that pisses you off.
    I know you can’t do that with your parents, cause they just blow it off. ”

    he replies
    “We can talk about you. That is fine with me. If you need my attention I will do my best to direct all I have your way. Yes I feel safe telling you things. If you have things to tell me I am here to listen and respond.”


    I reply
    I feel interested. I feel a little cautious. I feel a little confused. I wanted your attention before, but I felt like I couldn’t get it.

    What is going on here?
    I feel like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  116.  #116The Nikita Show on November 21, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Etta James ,

    ” A SundayKind of Love”

  117.  #117Daria on November 21, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Slv – the dropping plans to be with a man is nit what I meant.

    What is advised is to prioritize Cd, so that, if a man asks Ahead of time, for a date, and we had girls nite out, we take the date. This is ahead of time, for a date.

    Not last minute for return from the airport.

    I would say, the man will call and ask for our time, and well be happy to schedule him for A free spot, and let him know we miss him and are excited.

  118.  #118Meemee on November 21, 2010 at 10:33 am

    I have been doing good, feeling good when I was away and traveling. When I was not at office. When I didnt have to meet X.
    Tomorrow I am going to office again. I feel so tensed and nervous. I am thinking of X.
    I feel low
    I feel upset
    I feel angry
    I feel like crying

  119.  #119Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 10:34 am


    My favorite version but Reba’s video is entertaining

    Etta James – “Sunday Kind Of Love” 3:19



  120.  #120Leo on November 21, 2010 at 10:38 am

    thanks, your last sentence helped me a lot.
    “and let him know we miss him and are excited.”

    I want him to get what i feel, to tell him, but things like that sometimes slip through my mind.

    My boyfriend and I talked on the phone earlier, when he came home from his trip.
    And he asked if we see each other this week cause i am at my parents the upcoming weekend.

    And when we schedule meetings like that i do feel happy and excited… and i need to tell him that!!!!

    Till now, i didn’t. What i did is later send him a message, totally lean forward, and say: I miss you.

  121.  #121Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 10:39 am

    @116: Daria says:
    “Slv – the dropping plans to be with a man is nit what I meant.
    What is advised is to prioritize Cd, so that, if a man asks Ahead of time, for a date, and we had girls nite out, we take the date. This is ahead of time, for a date…
    …Not last minute for return from the airport…”

    Hi Daria:

    Was that you…? I know I saw that somewhere. Prioritize. Yes. That way sounds good.


  122.  #122Meemee on November 21, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Meemee is feeling so upset.
    She feels so angry with herself.
    She feels bitter.
    She feels rage.

  123.  #123Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 10:45 am

    @121: Meemee



  124.  #124Meemee on November 21, 2010 at 10:46 am

    Every single person I meet talk about X.
    Is my world this small????
    I feel worried.

  125.  #125The Nikita Show on November 21, 2010 at 10:50 am

    Daria #47 feels hotty hot hot hot 😉

  126.  #126AmberS on November 21, 2010 at 10:50 am



    I feel protective, like I wish I could erase him from your life. I also feel happy because you had such a good week and had a chance to fill yourself up with happy relaxed feelings. I am switching to boy voice here.

    This is just my two cents. When you start to feel the bad feelings, if you catch yourself, you can say to yourself STOP and then remember the good feelings this past week and use the memory to help your FEEL the way your felt while you were away. It helps me when I drop my shoulders, focus on the good feelings and breath them into myself, so that I feel steady and strong. He is not in front of you right now, so you don’t need hurt. You were doing great before you went away for a week. I don’t mean to sound like I’m saying it’s no big deal, I am just confident that you will do fine.

  127.  #127Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 10:51 am

    “I want a Sunday kind of love:

    I want a love that’s on the square…”

    I do my Sunday dreaming and all my
    Sunday scheming…

    I’m hoping to discover a certain kind of lover…

    …for all my life to have and to hold.”


  128.  #128The Nikita Show on November 21, 2010 at 10:55 am


    My phone won’t load the links 🙁


    Sigh, I feel to lazy to open my laptop

    boo! Lazy me 🙂

    I love my lazy 😀


  129.  #129The Nikita Show on November 21, 2010 at 10:58 am

    But wait!!! I have iPod !!
    I pod has song- I will listen and feel romantic

    And nostalgic

    And juicy 😉

    And have standards!!

    A love that’s on the SQUARE!!

    Good Love

    I feel demanding of only Good Love!


    And I’m missing AG

    Again 🙁

    Ok-off to the iPod ( leaps off of bed and pounces on desk to play song)

  130.  #130Meemee on November 21, 2010 at 10:59 am

    re:125 Ambers
    Thanks dear.
    It is just that I am back and gonna be in office in another 10 hours.
    The yucky feeling inside me which says “Yet another week, with X left right and centre”

  131.  #131Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 11:00 am

    @127: The Nikita Show says:
    “My phone won’t load the links …
    …I love my lazy
    yay!!!!! ”

    I love my lazy too…

    You can listen later or if you put your head out the window you can hear me singing…



  132.  #132AmberS on November 21, 2010 at 11:05 am

    The Nikita Show,

    Happy Sunday! I’m thinking the fire snake must have Venus in Taurus because he’s being very sweet about not tumbling immediately into bed. He says he’s fine waiting because he wants us to be ‘something real’. He says that ‘we’ll be better in the long run’ if we take our time. He says we’re already intimate because we talk with no barriers. And that kissing can be more intimate than sex.
    And then he totally changed his mind while we were cuddling and did his best to change mine. Heh.

    How are things with Mr. Big? I don’t want to be too nosy- I’m wondering if you two are previewing your parenting skills by raising your puppy?

  133.  #133Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Hi everyone

    What do we attract, whether we think about it or not? Stuff that needs to be healed, or at least brought into the light and accepted as part of ourselves?

    As you know, I’ve started dating, after the end of a 16-year marriage. As some of you know, I’m feeling like a gauche. panicky 15-year old about it all, as, thanks to reading and listening to Rori, all the rules have changed.

    Just back from a lunch and craft-fair-wander date with CatMan. And I feel confused. We chat quite easily, though not very deeply.

    Sometimes I feel quite attracted to him – a stab of attraction, which is quite physical, but I also feel turned off at other times . . . i found it very difficult to know what I was feeling, and even harder to use feeling messages at all. It was almost as if I was frozen, and had gone into “being polite” mode. At one point, he took my hand, and we walked for a little while, but then I loosened it again, as I didn’t feel comfortable. Actually I felt embarrassed. But I couldn’t find the words at the time.

    Towards the end of the date, I was starting to feel bored, tired, and as if I just wanted to go home. But I didn’t say this. I began to realise that I was feeling as if I was pretending to be relaxed, happy, amused. I felt I was pretending to be polite. He insisted on paying for everything, and I feel I’m taking his money when I’m not really interested. I couldn’t begin to say “I feel I’m pretending with you .”

    But maybe I should have done. Sometimes, with my husband, in the later stages, I felt I going through the motions with him – seeming happier than I was feeling inside.

    And I’ve just had an email from him saying he had a lovely time with me, that he is “really interested” in me, and that the chemistry between us seems really good” to him. And suggesting another date, very clearly.

    So – I could be really honest straight back . . . and that cut of contact. Or I could give him another date. Also, I didn’t say anything about how I think he is older than his profile says.

    Am I just a crap siren who can’t begin using the tools?
    I was brought up to be so polite to people. Not to be dishonest, but not to hurt them with the truth.

    Blerugh, I don’t know what I think or feel about CatMan. No wait, I do, I am confused by my on-off attraction to him, turned off because his profile gives the wrong age, I’m sure, and feel that he is boring. And that while he’s interested in parts of me (which parts??!!), he doesn’t know the half of me, and doesn’t seem able to ask the right questions, or really hear what I say.


  134.  #134life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Re-posting from Touching your man like rock star thread

    935 Dorothea and Greeting to all Sirens

    “insecurity is bred into just about everything in our culture. insecurity and fear. perhaps because we are a consumer-based culture. So i pay my insecurity tax and buy my perfumes and lotions and whitening toothpastes.

    but those things also make me feel like a goddess

    ohhh confusedddd”


    If we as a woman find bliss in feeling like a goddess, by doing those “consumer” things you mention, to make ourselves feel pretty and feminine, NO THING wrong with that.

    (I do have an issue however with the consumer based culture dictating that we NEED to use these products in order to get the man, the relationship, etc.)


    taking this further and seeing the connection…

    Dissatisfaction, sadness, feeling separate and incomplete and not good enough, arise when we see the great man, the perfect relationship, feeling like a goddess, as the SOURCE of our bliss.

    We may derive bliss from these things, but objects and situations can only provide temporary bliss, because they are impermanent and there will always be a time when they will no longer be there.

    The bliss that never changes is with you always and can be accessed at any time. It is permanent. It is there regardless of whatever else is going on. YOU are the source of your bliss.

    I have finally discovered that I am perfectly just as happy alone and inspired by my own interests and passions which definitely do include other people and species and activities, but I no longer feel the need to possess or be possessed or be in a relationship with a man.

    A relationship/life partner will be nice, and I find great benefit in having the masculine energy around me, Sex is great, sex is sublime, but I don’t need it for my happiness.
    but it is not necessary for my Bliss.


    EUM guy is GONE and there is no more chance for that relationship. Finito. Can I get Witness Sirens!! ?!!!

    I am spending time going on dates with one CD mostly (jung-guy) and having a BLAST. Not getting attached. Perfect gentleman. Don’t know where it’s going, don’t care.
    Using feeling messages where it feels right to do that.

    With jung-guy I may need to address my desire for making plans a little more in advance. I said no a couple of times to invitations for that day or the next day, but I don’t want to say never on that, because I do like spontaneity also. And it depends how I am feeling. I could say yes to a plan that was made a week in advance and then not feel like going on that day.

    So, the in advance thing is not that big of an issue for me. Unless I want him to feel that other CD’s are getting to me first. I don’t feel like I need to highlight my value that way though. If I am free and I want to go, fine. If I am busy, have other plans, feel tired or whatever, oh well.

    I am whole and complete, impersonal actionless non-separate ordinary awareness. That knowledge is my bliss. All objects, including thought, feelings, relationships, while amazing and awesome temporary providers of bliss, are not the source of my Bliss.

    None of what I have said precludes living a full, deep, passionate life, in fact, it makes it more so.

    If you have read this far, bless you!!


  135.  #135life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 11:34 am


    Always remember…

    You always have the choice
    to not give away your power to X.

    It is very easy to become addicted
    to a pattern, though.

    course in miracles says there
    are only two emotions:
    love and fear

    all actions stem from one or the other

    Love Yourself first by not accepting entertaining or engaging his dysfunctions, and all else falls into place

    X will become a non-issue because you will be raising the bar on how he is expected to behave as a mature adult who respects other human beings, and because he is not up to the task, and you will not be co-dependent with him on this, he will fade away.

    Then there will be room for someone who is more worthy of your inner and outer beauty and goddess-ness

    love to you!!


  136.  #136Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Meemee @123 –

    Hi – I feel for you and the dread of having to see X again, and especially of hearing everyone else talking about him.

    I remember that he ‘kept you a secret,’ so most people don’t know about you and him. (Although, that is just part of how he has used his power over you to control you. And it is possible that more people know than you think. . . )

    When other people talk to you about him, I wonder what would happen if you voiced your feeling in that moment, e.g. “I don’t want to talk about X.” Or, “I don’t want to hear about X.”

    Just that. Some people might answer you with “Why not?” You can either just repeat, “I don’t want to talk about x.” If you do this several times, most people will stop asking. Or you can answer, “Because I don’t.”

    You don’t have to explain. But it will be interesting for your colleagues to know that at least one person in the room doesn’t want to have x in their conversations.

    Sorry, this feels like a boy-voice, and a sort of coach voice, from me.

    I want so much to protect you from the hurt and manipulation you have experienced from him. I also wish we could erase him from your life with a magic wand. But without a wand, well, the wand is in your hand. When does your international fellowship begin? Maybe that is the magic wand?

  137.  #137The Nikita Show on November 21, 2010 at 11:38 am


    Hehe, no. Big & I are – hmmm how can I “label” big and I to paint a picture?

    Big is the “baby(Leo/Taurus/Aries)”. I am the “child”(Leo,gem,Scorpio). We like to play on our own and with one another and aren’t that turned on by excessive noise(read:children). We also tend to only respond to playful demands as opposed to more serious ones(read:crying,pooping,uncompensated

    We wanted a grey squirrel, the puppy is as close as we could get while still being fair to the animal

  138.  #138The Nikita Show on November 21, 2010 at 11:46 am

    Amber: ” He says he’s fine waiting because he wants us to be ‘something real’. He says that ‘we’ll be better in the long run’ if we take our time. He says we’re already intimate………….”

    The thinking feels clear. The concepts feel safe. The Aries drive is another story and I feel admiration for the Aries masculinity is a VERY attractive quality. Sexual escalation paired with clear thinking and planning feels as though I have been heard but I’m just so sexy he forgets the plan HE made 😉

  139.  #139Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 11:57 am

    , 21 November 2010 @ 11:05am

    132: Lorelei says:
    “…I am confused by my on-off attraction to him, turned off because his profile gives the wrong age,…”

    My two cents, I sense this killed the attraction before it too flight… What do you think?

    I don’t know what to do about this kind of thing. Maybe one of the sirens has some insight.


  140.  #140Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 12:02 pm


    “EUM guy is GONE and there is no more chance for that relationship. Finito. Can I get Witness Sirens!! ?!!!…”



  141.  #141Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    My two cents, I sense this killed the attraction before it ,b>took flight… What do you think?

    I don’t know what to do about this kind of thing. Maybe one of the sirens has some insight.

    typo queen

  142.  #142Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    My two cents, I sense this killed the attraction before it took flight… What do you think?

    I don’t know what to do about this kind of thing. Maybe one of the sirens has some insight.

    typo queen
    …I keep trying, don’t I?

  143.  #143life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Thank you, Sleevarino! 🙂

  144.  #144Leo on November 21, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    I feel lonely right now.
    Two hours ago I enjoyed myself, had fun, enjoyed the weekend.
    And now… i feel sad… needy… could cry…
    Feel uninteresting…
    I miss my boyfriend and me kidding around about sex…turning each other on… now he never does that at all…
    When i am at his house we usually do have sex before sleeping…but thats it.
    I want him to want me.
    And that makes me sad….

  145.  #145Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    SLV – @138 –

    You might be right that the apparent lie about his age is the killer.

    Daria suggested I tackle it with something like: “I feel weird . . I found this other profile of yours, where your age is different . . .”

    But I kind of want to see if he will come clean by himself . . . I want to know if he can ‘fess up. .

    But am I being passive aggressive by waiting to see if he makes a move. Maybe it would be better to say what I feel . .

    If he confessed all, I would be able to say, “I feel sick and saddened that things are not what they seemed . ”

    As my 132 post says, I’m finding it very hard to get into the feelings while they are happening.

  146.  #146life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    I feel encroached upon

    I don’t want to see a guy every day

    i have to laugh

    I had a discussion with a friend about letting a guy come over to your house to cuddle and watch TV, she says OMG before you know it, they’re moving in,
    and I screamed!


  147.  #147Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    “..But am I being passive aggressive by waiting to see if he makes a move. Maybe it would be better to say what I feel . .”

    I can only say how i believe I’d feel and that is more and more distant with each breath as I “waited” for the guy “to come clean.” And I’d be resenting him for it too! I would be in withholding mode in the affection department.

    And after a while I’d probably (embarassed to say) maybe make jab remarks to see how far the lie would go.. Oh, this is terrible… that I would do that but I think I would!!! I’m a little ashamed to say and I of course would not hold hands.

    Wow!! this came out of me!!!! Oh, boy. I hope I won’t be in this situation but then…my guys will be ancient anyway and i expect it…

    Oh, could be guy is 75 and says he’s 70… 😆

    Same thing. Hmmm, I guess I won’t behave too well. I’m trying to be a better person; I need some thoughts on this too.


  148.  #148Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    145: life_is_too_short_to… says:

    “.. letting a guy come over to your house to cuddle and watch TV, she says OMG before you know it, they’re moving in,
    and I screamed!


    But cold weather is coming…I’d like somebody who could do cuddle duty every once in a while…


  149.  #149Daria on November 21, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Lorelei – it mist feel awful to hold this suspicion in… How can your heart be open when you feel bothered and not sharing?

    If it felt ok to you… I see how not sharing that you saw the profile would be ok… But this Diesnt feel ok to you, and it’s killing the possibility for connection.

    “But I kind of want to see if he will come clean by himself . . . I want to know if he can ‘fess up. .”

    Why do u want to know if he can fess up? (is it with an agenda to test him? – my guess) How do u know for sure what’s going on…

    Are You fessing up?

    I don’t feel good letting stuff fester… That’s the big no no.,,

    I feel glad I just told one of my CDs I was feeling drained by texts and mostly want to see face to face.., it felt scary, to say that… His behaviour was turning me off bigtime and I am in charge of saying No to that.

    Roti says: TALK to your man.

    Don’t play games to test him… Get curious… You will learn about his character anyways from how He handles your ferlings, more than from how we’ll Ge ‘guesses’ what you’re thinking

  150.  #150life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    I gave jung guy the NG speech and,
    like someone else recently said,
    it seems to have made me more
    attractive to him, although he never
    said anything about what i said.

    So I’m not quite sure if he totally
    understood it.

    I’m not sure my timing
    was right because we were joking around
    about things women and men say to each other,
    that mean something else, and I just kind of
    launched into it, probably because I wanted
    some kind of definition to the relationship,
    and it made me feel more comfortable to have
    said that.

    anyway, it seems he’s now starting to attempt
    to monopolize my time somewhat…maybe it’s an
    effort to make it so I don’t have time
    for other guys, i don’t know, none of my
    business…it might be my imagination

    all that matters is how I feel

    I feel safe with the NG speech

    like some kind of insurance
    against leading a man on, or him feeling led on at some point, because he knows what the deal is…
    that unless he offers and you accept some kind of
    exclusive commitment, that it’s open season
    for anyone else

    i just hope they know that just because you are spending time with them and enjoy and like them it doesn’t automatically mean LTR

  151.  #151Daria on November 21, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    I just felt lonely and cried too to my new fave song, did some Eft while crying and dancing. Feeling better

    I love my crying

  152.  #152Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    @143: Leo says:

    “…I want him to want me.
    And that makes me sad….”

    I believe CD is meant to cure one of those “wants.” What do you think?


  153.  #153life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    147 SLV says
    But cold weather is coming…I’d like somebody who could do cuddle duty every once in a while…


    Absolutely. I really like this guy, and he’s doing everything right so far. I’m going to relax and enjoy it.
    Cuddle time will be coming soon and it will be very, very nice.

  154.  #154Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    @ SLV 146 – it wasn’t quite at the front of my mind, during the date. But that’s the problem, I see, that it was at the back of the mind.

    I wasn’t actively trying to test him, and I kind of expected that he would mention it. Evan Marc Katz says that creative accounting with age in online profiles is very common, and usually makes for an awkward moment on one of the early dates. . . (good reason for me not to lie about mine).

    But you’re right. It might have contributed to me holding back as well. I was tempted to make a few jab/test remarks too, but didn’t, as I couldn’t think of any.

    I so badly need to learn that holding back on my feelings, for the sake of politeness, and avoiding embarrassment. is bad for him (whoever he is), bad for ‘us,’ and bad for me, also. I feel very frustrated that I can’t seem to ‘get’ this, and relax into trusting my feelings, honouring them and speaking them.

  155.  #155Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    @153 Lorelei
    “..I was tempted to make a few jab/test remarks too, but didn’t, as I couldn’t think of any…”

    I think it’s kind of hard to resist little jabs…but then I’d feel like an opponent instead of potential partner. I’ve been thinking about doing some EMK style age creative accounting too… I’ll have to give this some more thought…


  156.  #156Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    @150: Daria says:

    “I just felt lonely and cried too to my new fave song, ”

    Share it on siren island?


  157.  #157Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Daria, @148 –

    I’m ‘fessing up to you! And the others on here.

    The truth: I don’t want embarrassing, difficult conversations on dates!!! I want ease, romance, joy, attraction, connection. I want it all. I want it now.

    There is a part of me that just wants it all to magically happen, to have the fairytale (and hold up two fingers to my Ex) and prove I can have a wonderful relationship easily.

    And there is a part of me that knows this is the little girl inside me speaking, who believed in fairytales and had her fairytale poisoned. Ouch. Ow. OOOH

    And there is the Siren part of me that knows that the fantasy fairytale doesn’t exist. But also believes that relaxing into feelings and these deep, instinctual perceptions, and speaking them, might be the way forward. Not to a pink, sugary fairytale, but to a real, lovely honest relationship.

    And there is the bit of me that has to undo the training of a lifetime to start to speak these more honest feelings. And I’m a bit stuck.

    But I’m going to have to deal with it in my response to CatMan who is asking for another date.

    I wish, now, that I had said it face to face on the date. I don’t want to talk to him about it by email. I do want to hear his voice as we talk.

    So either agree another date and deal with it face to face. Or I deal with it on the phone, if he phones. I don’t want to lean forward and initiate a phone call just to talk about this.

    Any thoughts/feelings?

  158.  #158Daria on November 21, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Lorelei – sometimes embarrassing difficult conversations are the most magical and fairytale of all…

    I know I feel like I grew green crystal butterfly wings after connecting with my power and showing my deep treasure

  159.  #159Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    SLV @154 –

    about EMK creative accounting on the online age front:

    I was very tempted by his idea that the only way to do this, if we want, is to take off a few years in the sign-up procedure, then confess to real age in the profile.

    Very tempted.

    Also, at one stage just to lie and to say I was 47 not 49. I look in my early to mid-40’s. On a good day.

    But if I read someone’s profile, and it said they were playing the system, and were actually a bit older than their profile says. . . well, I haven’t seen this online. But I imagine it would put me off. Although I would respect them or admire them a bit for playing the system. How would it make you feel?

    But in my very limited experience of meeting 2 men who are obviously older than the profile age, well, it’s a real turn off. What else are they hiding or veiling? I feel sympathy for why they do it, because I know the temptation. But it’s so off-putting. I don’t judge them. But it’s very unattractive.

    All of which is why, when I roll over to 50, next year, I’ll leave my age as it is. I wouldn’t want to risk putting off that one good man who might like me at my true age. I wouldn’t want to jeopardise a relationship by making him feel sick, and sad, and deceived.

  160.  #160Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    @Daria Daria Daria

    ==> “…So either agree another date and deal with it face to face. Or I deal with it on the phone, if he phones. I don’t want to lean forward and initiate a phone call just to talk about this. Any thoughts/feelings?…”


  161.  #161Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 1:16 pm


    Like when/how have these “conversations?”


  162.  #162Daria on November 21, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Like the frog turns into prince… Or Cinderella reaches in and transforms

    Yesterday I had a man after my listening to him a lit that since I don’t initiate he not interested because he doesn’t want to chase. The convo ended with this.

    This morning i got good morning texts from him and

    I texted that I feel weird after the last convo, I felt like nit good enough to be pursued and I don’t want that.. What dies he think.

    He Apologized! Now he’s talking to me about romance

    See hes morphing and finding his inner sexy warrior – lively fairytale

  163.  #163Daria on November 21, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Slv – I have mine right away as soon as I get my courage up, text phone person, doesn’t make a big diff…

    However he initiates the contact

    Then I say I’ve Bern feeling weird I feel uncomfortable to being this up.., but I really want to be open.

    That’s what I said to morphing man

    I feel scared to push you away with this but I really want to be open

  164.  #164Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Daria – @ 157 – what a beautiful and amazing image.

    I want my green crystal butterfly wings ( or whatever colour mine turn out to be, my Siren wings) to unfurl.

    And I KNOW you’re right about this. Deeply, I get what you’re saying. It resonates like a true, clear bell.

    I feel the truth of it, that true feelings are the treasure. And the power.

    I want to be calm, and deep, and speak my feelings and my truth. And feel that whatever happens next, i will be able to deal with it, with more feeling messages.

  165.  #165Daria on November 21, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Lorelei – it’s ur judgements and imaginings ” what else is he hiding”. That are bringing on the suck sad and deceived feelings.

    Thus is in your head. You don’t know if he lied about his age… You must Talk to him

  166.  #166Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 1:25 pm


    “…if we want, is to take off a few years in the sign-up procedure, then confess to real age in the profile…”

    i think I don’t know the difference between the two, sign up and Profile. I suppose that Profile is the written essay kind of thing? What kind of words could one use? “I lied, uh-huh I lied, I’m really…______ instead of _____ ?” I think that would not look good.

    I thought I would say at first meeting if I did it at all… like in the first five minutes.

    Or I don’t know… another thought is wait and see if a second date is offered which would show interest then first five minutes of second date.

    Unless at first meeting guy said, Heaven forbid , “How old are you really…?” 😆


  167.  #167Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    @ 163 and 157

    What actually happened, was, I ‘saw’ myself as creature in a fairytale, sitting on a rock, deep in a forest, with amazing transparent wings, and large, dark, deep eyes.

    And everyone who encounters this me-creature and looks into her eyes, just knows that they will hear the truth from her, her deep truth. And that makes them feel safe to bring their truth out into the open as well. So it is both scary and exciting and magnetically attractive to approach her and talk with her. OOOOH.

    My gay best friend, who I am very honest with, said that once I started being REALLY honest with him, he felt completely safe with me. Up to then, he really liked me, but wasn’t 100% sure he could trust me to be totally honest with him. Same idea, really.

  168.  #168Daria on November 21, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Slv – yes roti recommends this:

    I lied is what I would say.

    You could instead state real age no explanation..

    Or say I feel young, I don’t want to fall victim to the electronic cutoff age-range

    Men can make their own choice I don’t want to be excluded by the cutoff.

    I had a good way to say it in the past, I told someone, I forgot now.

    ( because the purpose is to come up in search criteria which often bands ages in a range)

  169.  #169Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    @Daria says:

    “…since I don’t initiate he not interested because he doesn’t want to chase. The convo ended with this…”

    Had you told him you don’t initiate or did he conclude that you did not initiate?

    “,,,See hes morphing and finding his inner sexy warrior – lively fairytale..”

    !!! Yummy! 😀

    “…However he initiates the contact…”

    OK, makes sense.
    It’s like the next time up at bat… 😀


  170.  #170Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    OK Daria – I intend to take the very next opportunity to mention this. He’s already emailed me, asking me what I think about meeting up again. So I guess I go with emailing back, and not getting into whether we have another date, but just launching in with, say

    “Hi CatMan

    Thank you for lunch today . .

    I feel a bit awkward mentioning this, but I want to be open about something that puzzles me. Online, on the dating website, I saw what looked like your earlier, older profile with a different age on it . . and I felt sick and sad that the current profile says something different.

    What do you think?”

  171.  #171Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 1:38 pm


    “I had a good way to say it in the past, I told someone, I forgot now.
    ( because the purpose is to come up in search criteria which often bands ages in a range)..”

    I’m thinking whichever words it’s important to feel them, be them and have them be my truth, my confidence. Working on it…



  172.  #172Leo on November 21, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    I just had a little breakdown.
    I felt so yucky and cried and felt miserable.
    And I talked to my boyfriend on the phone about it.
    I don’t really understand what’s going on with me lately. Just something is missing and I am trying to figure out what. And I tried to put it in feeling messages.
    And then he is sad and confused cause I seem absent and somewhat cold being around him.
    And I asked why he thought so; he described what made im think so, like me sitting on the couch reading and minding my own business; or doing only the things that need to be done around the household, not more.
    Which kinda was me leaning back…
    You know: Taking time to yourself until he steps up. Or not nurturing him and being a mother, and not doing the things that need to be done when he doesnt do them.

    So now i feel confused: What did i do wrong…or is my boyfriend just a weird one?! 😀

    But i felt that i wasnt comfortable acting that way. I am sad he didn’t step up which might have been my fault in acting the “leaning back”-thing out. But it felt good to hear how he felt: that he was sad me being minding my own business.

    I think I learned something. That whatever I was doing and how I was doing it is wrong for me; it’s not authentic.
    So i try to act differently, more like me/like i did before.
    But what i really want to stick to is though: The feeling messages! I think that is the greatest tool for myself. Especially around him.

  173.  #173Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    SLV @ 165 –

    The sign-up age comes from when you type your date of birth in, when you first sign up with a dating site. You either put in your true year of birth, which will make your true age appear in your profile. Or you deduct, ahem, a few years, which reduces the ‘age’ given on your profile page/ home page, by your chosen number of years.

    Whichever site you’re on, there’s somewhere where you can say a bit about yourself, in your own words, (the profile essay, it’s often called). EMK has a funny, relaxed set of words for how to mention in the essay that you are cunningly playing the system. I remember or find these exactly – probably searchable on his website. But the gist is, my words, not his: “I look, act and feel younger than my actual age, so Iindulged in a bit of creative accounting, so that you can find me and see for yourself. I’m really 63, not 59” etc.

  174.  #174Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    SLV @ 165

    Also to say – I wouldn’t hit a man with a confession about true age and an online lie, in the first 5 minutes!!!! 😀 It’s nervous and awkward enough at a first meeting, or even a second without having to admit something a bit tricky.

    For me it’s a choice between either honesty online in the first place in the actual age, OR doing it the EMK way.

    Just to explore this, in a doing as you would be done by kind of way:
    How would you feel if you met a man in person who was at least 4-5 years older than his profile said?

    And how would you feel about meeting a man whose profile description said this thing about actually I’m older than my profile says, I just didn’t want to be excluded from your search, I’m a great guy but I’m really 93, etc?

  175.  #175Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 1:52 pm


    “… EMK has a funny, relaxed set of words for how to mention in the essay that you are cunningly playing the system. I remember or find these exactly – probably searchable on his website. But the gist is, my words, not his: “I look, act and feel younger than my actual age, so Iindulged in a bit of creative accounting, so that you can find me and see for yourself. I’m really 63, not 59″ etc…”

    Thanks. Funny, when I was scouting the OKCupid site, I took off a chunk just like that!, a bigger chunk actually, LOL 😆 .. just to see what the pool of men was like…I have no profile just the sign up. I think I’ll go use the search engine at EMK. Too bad there’s none here…or is there?


  176.  #176Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Leo @ 171 –
    Hi – when we ‘Lean Back’ as Rori suggests, this is good, and we mind our own business, and don’t mother him, etc. But at the same thing as stopping doing for him, stopping asking him how he is, stopping offering help, we have to still be an open invitation, making eye contact and smiling, using feeling messages not just about him, but lighter ones, like “It feels so nice with the sun on my back,” or “It feels so cosy being inside and at home with the rain beating down outside” depending on where you live.

    Too much leaning back can look like being distant, if we don’t also build in the warm invitation that is not a leaning forward, but more like a light shining.

    Rori did a great post recently on getting these two things in balance – it’s called, “It isn’t enough to lean back, you have to open up”.. I’ll try and get the URL on here: https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/it-isnt-enough-to-lean-back-you-have-to-open-up

  177.  #177Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    SLV @ 165

    “…Also to say – I wouldn’t hit a man with a confession about true age and an online lie, in the first 5 minutes!!!! It’s nervous and awkward enough at a first meeting, or even a second without having to admit something a bit tricky….”

    Hmmm, think you may have something there … 😀

    Maybe that’s why your guy hasn’t said anything! Kind of awkward. I’m glad I’m learning these online dating ways and means before plunging.

    Also, i think if age revealed in profile, then guys will exclude anyway… Well, I suppose I’ll just have to test and see what’s what and how I feel. Those profiles can be adjusted. Still thinking… awkward at first meeting but seeing that “confession” on profile seems worse… Hmmm still thinking on it.

    I’ve read this EMK advice without the specific how-to. I’m wondering if everyone does it like that, I’ve never seen that revelation on a profile… but then again i’ve not seen many profiles and I’m looking mainly at the guy profiles.


  178.  #178Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    @ 174 – my computer or the blog doesn’t keep up with my typing – I’m sure I did type “I don’t remember” rather than “I remember”, – but maybe I didn’t. Anyway, SLV, you got what I meant, I’m sure.

  179.  #179Leo on November 21, 2010 at 2:08 pm


    thanks for your reply.

    I know I have to be open and invitating. But I never really new how to do that. Right now I dont have the financial possibility to purchase more of Rori’s works to get to know all that…

    But when you wrote
    ” we have to still be an open invitation, making eye contact and smiling, ”
    it totally fit to our situation. Cause he also said that I wasn’t looking at him as much anymore. Which then is a problem and makes me seem distant.

    So…going through mistakes like that helps me understand those things better.

    But I still have some trouble with this “being an open invitation but leaning back”…
    Its hard!!!

  180.  #180Daria on November 21, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    Lorelei – I would go with I feel weird thatvprofike is different…
    Sick and sad i think is what you are feeling in response to judgements scenarios you are imagining.

    Hiwever If it really feels like that is true for you, sick and sad it is then.

    And yes I would write it now at this poin

    Sick and sad? Or scared…???

  181.  #181Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Hi Leo – 178 –

    Glad what I wrote helps. I’ve made the same mistake of leaning back without also being open. I’ve just been reading that post I mentioned again for myself again.
    It’s really good, isn’t it?!

    Keep going. The thing about looking and smiling, is that we’re not saying anything!

  182.  #182Lorelei on November 21, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Daria @ 179

    Oh, thanks for this – I was just about to send it, untweaked. It is true, that the sick and sad feelings are to do with what i assume has happened – that I’m dealing with a man who is 4 or 5 years older than his new profile says – and the difference between 55 and nearly 60 is quite a gap, for me. He certainly looks and feels nearly 60.

    But maybe I shouldn’t assume. Just go with feelings about the different profiles. x

  183.  #183Ella on November 21, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    I feel sad and I don’t know why,

    I feel scared that I will never have the intensity of feeling I had on Friday with Mr Barman with anyone who is available to me…

    And I feel like grrr, what is wrong with me!!

    What is so attractive about unavailable men???

    Why do I want/pine after them and not the ones who step up??

    Would I feel differently about unavailable guys if they DID step up?? Would my feelings change and I go off them?

    Do I want these men bc I am afraid of intimacy? This is a way to get them to keep distance?

    I don’t know.

    But feeling lil sad…. and emptiness inside 🙁

    Bit icky in my tummy and my sides.

    Heavy, curvy back!

    I am also terrified that if I am sad I will eat and become ginormous and then no men will like me! 🙁
    But is oki.. gently, gently with lil, icky feelings like butterflies or worms squiggly in my tummy.

    I wish I was with Mr Barman now, I wish it was Friday night again now.

    The only time I have ever felt this level of attraction for any length of time was with my ex and that broke down and then he got with someone else…

    I feel TERRIFIED that I will never have that again with someone who is available for me…

    What if I am too broken.

    Feel, sad, scared…

    Wish I hadn’t been cross with Mr Barman… I want to stay open to him… feel frightened that I have ruined things.

    Like it is all my fault, my responsibility… but WHY?? Why would it be MY responsibility alone? Doesn’t he have some responsibility?

    To make me feel good too?

    Well no but he has responsibility for our interactions… just as much if not more than me.

    How do I make peace with these conflicting feelings?

    But is ok, will keep on, looking after myself, shining.

    Who knows who will step up!?!

  184.  #184Ella on November 21, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    A position has come available working behind the bar where Mr Barman works. My friend is leaving to go travelling for a few months and she suggested I take over her job while she is gone.

    I know the owner (Mr Barman’s dad) and he has seem me work behind another local bar so I think he would take me on.

    I have been toying with the idea of doing bar work for a while and I think I would enjoy working there.

    I like the idea of it being for just a short time too.

    However I have reservations.

    I feel frightened that my motives are not pure ie the fact that Mr Barman works there definitely makes it a more attractive prospect.

    But then is it so wrong to find that an attraction?

    I feel worried in case being around him is bad for me. I don’t want to feel love sick or humiliated…

    but then why would I?

    Oww, I feel confused about this. I want the job however I worry what he will think ie: if he thinks I am just doing it to be around him that will feel awful!

    Although I suppose it doesn’t matter. Maybe I am scared that this is my reason and I am setting myself up for pain…

    On the other hand I feel like why shouldn’t I take it and I can be suprised. It could be a good thing regardless of anything with him.

    And why am I overthinking this?
    I feel thinky!

    Does anyone have any feelings/insights about this.

  185.  #185Daria on November 21, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    I’ve been crying doing eft on feeling like ivdeservecabundance and help

    And Feelin angry that ” no one” ESP men Nv quote had offered tongelp pay my phone… Other than those who faked

    That something is wring with me that I don’t attract this and that it’s my responsibility and that I don’t know how to take good care of myself

    I have been EFTing and crying and I feel some calm now

    I am also babystepping with telling men rector that I feel upset about thus and feeling my fear that they will go running from the ” golddigging addicted drAining woman who doesn’t take care of herself and drains him in order to do so”

    It also feels a bit weird cuz I notice when I share this a part of me got attached to the thought that they( in particular) might
    help me.., not yet anyone to step up

    But I am now framing it like I want to be married… Doesn’t mean I want to be married to You

    Feelin like I’m babystepping in big directions.

    I want 30 dollars to pay my phone and I dontvwanr to lose the number I’ve had for 10 years

    Feeling angry again!

    How dare the universe not give this to me how dare he treat me like I’m not good enough to receive abundance and help


    More Eft coming up

  186.  #186life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Women like a bit of a challenge too.
    If the guy is too easy it too makes him
    seem needy or low self esteem or

    On the other hand, if nice and easy comes
    with other more exciting qualities, like
    self confidence and enthusiasm, that is
    a trifecta if you ask me.

    You want a nice little tension for courting.

    The woman cooly leans back and warmly invites,
    like Lauren Bacall in a movie where she so confidently says something like
    If you want me, just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you? You just put your lips together and blow.

    OK so maybe telling him what to do is a little masculine, on the other hand, it is a more direct invite. She’s telling him no pressure, you know where to find me. And he does a cat call whistle because she just knocked him out with her confident femininity.

    I would say take the job if you want it and you are sure that is the reason — not just be near him. If it is because you want to be near him, you’ll have that vibe. If it is a combination of the two, that might make for an interesting experiment.

    Whaddaya think? 🙂


  187.  #187Ella on November 21, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Hmmm, wonder why I felt so angry with Mr Barman.

    I think it was to do with triggers for me about everytime I have been rejected by a man. Everytime a man hasn’t stepped up.

    And everytime I have been unable to have a relationship.

    Really I am angry at me. For all the times I have overfunctioned and taken crumbs.


    WTF was I doing and how dare they treat me this way?

    Enraged… shoulda walked away.

    And angry in case I can’t trust myself. What if I let that happen again?

    How can I trust me when I have let myself down so much before…

    owww SERIOUS NV…. it’s ok NV, I hear ya, and right next to you is positive, hopeful and strong voices.

    It’s all ok. Ok to be soothed. Express fears.

    Stay in the now.

    Heal. xx

  188.  #188Daria on November 21, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    I also want to acknowledge that I Did receive some help and felt blank and flustered kind of in awe… I got thought to send it back… I felt like guilty, that maybe I dint need it enough.

    I wantedctongive back equally, I felt weird.

    I kept it. It feels good that im making Babysteps. I now need only 30 dollars instead if 50 . That feels much less scary and possible.

    Thank u angels.

  189.  #189life_is_too_short_to... on November 21, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    I love intimacy

    I don’t want or need more ‘been there done that’ karma

    which could be mistaken for fear of intimacy

    I don’t want entanglements that don’t serve me well

    I feel completely content being in holding pattern for the best relationship

  190.  #190Ella on November 21, 2010 at 3:54 pm



    I feel it is a combination of the 2 – definitely. As I would consider taking it even if he was not there…

    And I feel excited when I think of working there.

    Of course it definitely makes it more attractive that he is there!! 😉

    I can also feel a lil excited about the whole thing… and also a little anxious too!

    I want to find the good feelings and open to new experiences…

    So I will put myself forward for the job (I think… I’m gonna sleep on it) and then leave it to the universe to take care of the rest.

  191.  #191Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:00 pm

  192.  #192Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    There was a story on here before about a nurse who was attracted to her patient and she changed the rota to make sure she was always looking after him and altered visiting hours so that his then g.friend couldn’t visit (a lil naughty/icky I know).

    But after he and his g.friend broke up he came back to the hospital and proposed to the nurse!! And they stayed married for the rest of their life and were really happy!

    Well I am not going to do anything like that (ha ha – little evil laugh inside for that part of me) but that story does makes me feel like if you can put yourself in the right place at the right time, as long as you are not attached to the outcome and can do it in a confident/unattached to outcome way, that will feel good.

    Like you say Life – a fun experiment. And I will have fun, good things regardless of him. And there will be chances for practice and learning.


  193.  #193Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    Same song, just like this link better:


  194.  #194Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    Ella – bartending! sounds FUN!

  195.  #195Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    I feel some guilt re his g,friend.

    However this is not my issue.

    If he is for her then he will not step to me.

    If he is for me then he will not stay with her.

    If he is for neither of us he will do something completely difference.

    My presence will not break something that is meant to be.

    AND I do not step to him, this is not what Sirens do.

    But I do feel bad he kissed me while he is with her… Don’t want my actions to hurt another woman.

  196.  #196Darling Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    Daria: #190

    I soooo love it!!!! Share more babe and send them my way 🙂

  197.  #197Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:14 pm


    Nice song! 🙂

  198.  #198Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:17 pm

  199.  #199Darling Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Gosh, I have one more hour to catch up before the London Bell ding dongs and Rori’s island goes to bed…:( Or maybe not tonite …:)

  200.  #200Jennifer on November 21, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Ella…did the story say if she ever nursed again. My governing body here in Canada kicks ya out of nursing for marrying a client. Scary.

    I feel good
    I love my new full spectrum 100 w light bulbs. I love the brightness. I feel happier.
    I love using them in my kitchen to make healthy food.
    I love my paleo diet dinner.
    I love my water
    I love my roomies dog, he’s a good dog.
    I love that I’m going to watch “the girl with the dragon tattoo.
    I love that I found a healthy dish for the family potluck.
    I love that I have it near made.

    I feel off balance about B.
    Why is he suddenly telling me he will give me any attention I need? Why is he saying he is here to listen?
    Is he doing the transformation thingy Daria talked about?
    I feel suspicious.
    I feel peeking outta the corner of my eye at him.
    I feel stupid for even talking to him.
    But I guess since brother is on da horse……

  201.  #201Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Jennifer – no it didn’t. But he was no longer a patient. Does that make a difference?

    Darling Ella – r u in UK?

  202.  #202Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:28 pm


    that Fu9ck you Ceelo song I AM CRYING OUWWHWHWHWHWWwwwwwwwwwwww

  203.  #203Jennifer on November 21, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Ella in Canada you have to wait a full year before you can date or spend time with a client socially.
    A full year with no professional contact.

    I love my beer can chicken.
    I love my salad

  204.  #204Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:31 pm


  205.  #205Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    lol what if your boyfriend has to go to the hospital you work at loll

  206.  #206Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    I HATE YOU!!

  207.  #207Darling Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Ella : #197

    Nooo fricking way…I smell Universe conspiracy here ladies…My good friend Perry on FB just posted this link on FB this morning…No fricking way…and he leaves in PDX…

    No way…:) lol

  208.  #208Daria on November 21, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    I don’t give a fu9ck cuz it was never about moey anyway you stuipd ass

    I just want to feel loved


    and i want to feel safe

  209.  #209Jennifer on November 21, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    If he’s ALREADY your bf you hand him off to someone else.
    If there IS no one else you do your best.
    But you could be subject to scrutiny….like “did you do everything right?”
    I love my squash!

  210.  #210Ella on November 21, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    DE – ha ha… spooky!

    Daria – I am feeling a little bit intimidated.
    I didn’t want to make you cry with my song!
    Is the ‘I hate you’ at me? Don’t know why I feel need to ask just feeling bit insecure right now.

    Oww, I am feeling paranoid!

    I like the song because I imagine me singing it and the raw emotion makes me feel powerfull.

    I like it cus I see it as a man stepping up and having his efforts not appreciated, which makes me then feel ok with his anger.

    And I like it cus the girl is a DIVA but not a Siren like how I am one, as she is too mean.

    And I like the theme of a person bettering themself and shining. I flip it to be me saying ‘F you’ to any men who I have felt rejected by.

    For me good ‘angry’ feeling song.

    I love it cus it is entertaining!

    Makes me feel Lol, ha ha.

  211.  #211SG on November 21, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    Dear Rori,

    My now ex-fiance broke up with me …AGAIN (he does this *every* time we’ve had an argument) walking out on me saying that it is all too much for him to bear. Typically, after a few days he would come knocking at my doorstep, apologizing and asking me to take him back as he still loved me and didn’t want to lose me! Every time, I would tell him that it was taking too much of a toll on me for him to “run” every time we had problems communicating and he lost it!

    This last time however, after he broke up with me AGAIN, he contacted me after a few days this time by sending me several e-mails and in them blaming me and my upbringing for why he walked out on me but that he still loved me, as usual insisting that I should go work on myself!!!!!!

    Having had enough of it all from him (and after over a year and half of family of origin therapy that I was told to work on by him), I wrote back to him telling him I was tired of his constant and persistent blaming of me for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship and also when I tried to help him and the relationship as his work consisted of him keep going back to his…. “safe dumbass little boy behaviours that hurt me and make me feel like I am going backwards. NO MORE – I do not like the dynamic of what I’ve seen and it’s not what I want. Please leave me alone.”

    I received a reply back from him almost immediately saying that my wish had been granted!

    I called him a week later talking to him in feeling mesages and letting him know that I’d be willing to work on things again if he was willing to change his behaviours that caused huge triggers for me. He told me that he had absolutely no interest whatsoever. He told me to move on with my life and form me to not look back because he would be doing just that! He told me he knew these sounded hurtful but that he meant them and wanted me gone. I told him it hurt me a lot to hear that but that I would move on and told him if that’s what he wanted then I was okay with moving on too. I told him I had a date with a guy that night and said goodbye and hung up.

    It’s now been a month since I’ve heard from him. In the meantime, I have been circular dating although I haven’t found anyone I share any spark with.

    I guess I still feel very unresolved and hurt by what happened this last time and have stayed in a constant state of mental/emotional numbness for the past month. I’m forcing myself to detach from rehashing all the fond memories (we were together for nearly 22 months), going out and having fun on my dates, but it doesn’t seem to be working for me as I’m still experiencing HUGE issues, ie uncontrollable and sudden crying out the blue (2-3 times a day) at work and at home, still obssessing about all the times we spent together, what we did together, the plans for marriage and to build a family together. I’ve been wondering what he has been doing since we broke up! I feel unresolved and a HUGE lack of closure….the thought of not seeing him ever again REALLY upsets me and I just don’t know how to get over it and STOP thinking about it OVER and OVER AGAIN! I feel like I’m going crazy and for the life of me can’t seem to focus on anything else in my life including work and my friends. This upsets me even more as I feel I’m not being strong enough to let go and move on!

    Fyi, I bought your Modern Siren Program and have listened to all the cds. It has been tremendously enlightening for me but I seem to somehow be stuck in time!

    Any words of advice would be so greatly appreciated right about now. Please help!

  212.  #212Luzy on November 21, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    So I have no plans for Thanks Giving day; and Spain guy suggested that since he has no family either that we should meet that day, I feel weird about that. It has been five years since I do not celebrate thanks giving (since I divorced) and I have become used to being on my own during the holy-days except for x-mas since I spend it with my son.

    I like things this way and I don’t want to break what has been working for me these five years.
    How to tell him without making him feel that I am blowing him off?

  213.  #213janjune on November 21, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    hi SG,
    welcome 🙂
    you were writing to rori, i know.
    just wanted to let you know im feeling you and how much that must have hurt…

    it sounds like he “had you in therapy” a mere four months after you all began dating?! … that feels like alarm bells going off in me— for Him, not You!
    he leaves you during conflict leaving You with the issue rather than working through it together as a couple, more alarm bells…
    he contacts you, after breaking up, only to tell you what, in his eyes, is “wrong” with you and always has been… more alarms

    all these things feel like (subtle?) emotional abuse to me SG.

  214.  #214janjune on November 21, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    hi 🙂

    it sounds like you have made a personal holiday tradition for yourself that you enjoy!

    maybe spain guy would not think you’re blowing him off if you explain that holidays are a time you’ve set aside for personal reflection, renewal… something like that
    meaning : nothing personal, but… no 🙂

    sounds like you really enjoy it 🙂

  215.  #215Hadassah on November 21, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Sorry I’ve been MIA – crazy busy weekend with my family. I decided I am going to write a book about online dating. Because it is SO funny to me.

    I thought I was pretty clear in my dating profiles that I am looking for a relationship and not a booty call. A guy emails me, we email back and forth for a few days, he asks for my number to text, etc. He writes me these sweet emails, asking when we can get together, begging me, literally, to go out with him.

    Then when we start texting, I notice he keeps mentioning sex, which sends my alarm bells ringing. I tell him that I am not the type of woman who has sex on a first date, that sex means something to me and I don’t plan on going there until I am sure of my feelings about the situation and about the man. He says cool.

    The next day, he is right back at it. He literally texts me “why aren’t you over here naked in my bed with me right now?” At this point, I’m mad. And uncomfortable. So I tell him that if he is looking to hook up with someone instantly, that he has the wrong woman and that I am not going to have sex with him or anyone until I am ready. He pretty much says fine well bye then.

    It’s like, how many times do I have to say the same thing? Oh well! I think it is great how I just laughed it off. I have 5 guys that have asked me out in the first week of having an online profile. Haven’t met up with any of them because I didn’t feel like it, I kinda have plans to go bowling Tuesday so we shall see if he steps up to confirm or is full of hot air. Either way, I don’t care.

    I have a whole new attitude about dating and men in general. Before, it would have really bothered me that this guy decided not to even want to date me because I made it clear I wasn’t having sex with him instantly. Now I feel blessed I didn’t bother meeting with him and I know he isn’t the guy for me if he could completely disrespect my boundaries that way.

    I actually went back to my profile and said that I am not looking for a FWB, booty call, etc. type of thing, so if that is what you are looking for, good luck with your search but I am not the woman for you.

    Had a great conversation with my mom about how I am not going to be a girlfriend ever again. She asked me how I plan on getting married. I told her that when someone puts a ring on my finger, we have a wedding date set, and are making plans then I will stop dating. Until then, I am not doing the “he gets all the benefits of a committed relationship with none of the responsibility”. Not going there.

    I realize now looking back on it that I put up with a lot more than I would have otherwise because I had sex with my bf. Had we not had sex, I would have been over that waaaay sooner. So I guess I need to really wait it out to be sure of my feelings for him and as sure as I can be about his feelings for me before going there. Sex seems to “muddy the waters” for me so to speak. Now I know.

    I love this learning something new everyday!

    Since I have staycation all this week, I am going shopping tomorrow for some skinny jeans that I have been lusting after, and some new boots. Then I am hitting up the consignment shop for new tops and such. The local one has all kinds of super cute and designer clothes for stupid cheap.

    It’s going to be a great week!

  216.  #216Brenda on November 21, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Hello! I miss you all! I’ve been really busy all weekend!

  217.  #217Daria on November 21, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    Ella – no no no! the I HATE ?you is so not at you

    i get really quickly and easily touched by songs

    esp of heartbreak

    i start BAWLING… which is what was going on

    I WAS POurIng out tearS AND hOWLING

    I allow myself to feel pain of heartache that is touched by the song

    I don’t even know who the I hate you was to… but it was NOT to you

  218.  #218Daria on November 21, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    I feel SAD! I found this comment from Rori:

    to new siren:

    “Siren Sandy – so sorry – just realized it’s too late for Sat – so let us know how it went – for next time: This is about “Plan B” – in Targeting Mr. Right. ALWAYS have a Plan B backup plan – so if a date goes south, you have something cool to do! But don’t get mad at him or discount him until it’s the afternoon of the date, and then email him “What time tonight?” if you need to..Love, Rori


    Rori says to email (I assume text is same) What time tonite?

    Mr. Sexy CD that I had a CD planned with last week,
    and that kept in contact with me to make sure I was gonna be abelt to make it (I was having issues at home)

    Called me immediately after his work – i was in the shower – but i have no voicemail

    he didnt text though and the date didnt happen

    even tho he had kept texting me eery 30 min that whole day

    and i was getting the anxious feeling that he was wanting me to call him

    and I didnt text him

    and I haven’t heard from him since

    I feel sad and worried I was “holding back”


  219.  #219Daria on November 21, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    other than that i just had a CD with a new man _ and saw Harry Potter!

    this guy Kissed me out of the blue! yaya for going for the kiss

  220.  #220Katnina on November 21, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    I decided to go with Modern Siren as my first Rori program, just ordered it! I feel yaaaayyy! I feel happy and optimistic and hopeful and kind of silly. It feels weird to spend that much money on myself. Weird but good. Feels like I am finally taking care of ME. And that feels very powerful. Yay!

  221.  #221Daria on November 21, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    OK NOW Cd is complimenting me… well telling me he likes me…

    he says he likes my lips


  222.  #222Daria on November 21, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    I”m feeling this urge to call a man I feel pretty around

    I felt nervous with this CD

    and i noticed a lil insecure

    he didnt really compliment me that much

    well now he may be making up for it

    but yeah…

    what is it that i feel?

    desperatae, afraid, sad

    a lil insecure

    whats that Craving feeling? anxiety?

    i feel disappointed

    i feel wah wah pout

    i feel sad look down, no fun AGAIN

    back to no fun

    i feel squeezed in my heart

    i love my fefelings

    that feels like sighing

    that feels good

    i love my sighing

    right now if i could Do something

    i would call up sexy CD and tell him to come get me and then kiss him and have sex with him

    so what are the feelings under that?

    what would that action COVER?




    low energy


    not gonna get it… again

    not this time either


    u thought you were outta this hole

    but nope

    right bakc to the prison you go

    these must be stuck energy prints in my tissues

    i allow my BODY to release them now

    heal heal heal

    maybe my body would like to stretch ad move


    that might be whatsup with this feeling!

  223.  #223Daria on November 21, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    I did my Stance of Neutral position taht feels good… and now i feel much more peaceful and calm

    I believe I was feeling icky because of having eaten soda and icecream earlier

    and no meal

  224.  #224Daria on November 21, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    i notice that food has a huge influence on me

    and that craving for sex/man attention/food/smoke I think is my body way of saying it wants to circulate energy and healing hormones

  225.  #225Daria on November 22, 2010 at 12:08 am

    I dint deserve gifts abd blessings because I act like I’m better than other people.

    Who do I think I am resisting what everyone does and not getting a job that eats up my hours and my energy.

    It is my duty as a human here to slave away at simething I don’t believe in.

    Everyone does it who the hell am I to think I dint have to do it.

    Someone who must be broken that’s who. I will get starved out and then well see who’s boss.

    Then well see if it wint be better to do a lil slave labor to help those who are in power.

    Who the he’ll do you think you are, peasant. Off with her head.

    What you think you’re better than u’s or something .

    We all suffer that is how we earn the right to have access to food and warmth and soft sleeping. If that!

    What makes you better, if inject to do it so do you.

    Plus you are stupid and working against yourself as you are suffering more by refusing to confirm to these unbeatable rules.

    You work or you die peasant.

    This isn’t Disneyland,

    Thank you.

  226.  #226Daria on November 22, 2010 at 12:09 am

    Angels calling all angels I would like to quickly heal this. And easily! Than you.

  227.  #227Daria on November 22, 2010 at 12:18 am

    I feel very pleased having expressed that.

    Now were getting somewhere hehe

  228.  #228Daria on November 22, 2010 at 12:34 am

    I feel so like… Good. I feel excited tonnage expressed that I’ve been wanting to forever and now I did and I am pleased how it came out.

    Clearly I am experiencing past life issues atucknin me and this lovely pleased relaxed feeling is telling me that they were able to clear out some or all of it . Yay.

  229.  #229Daria on November 22, 2010 at 1:10 am

    I feel happy! Happy happy happy! I expressed my self and my stick energies are Out yahoo

  230.  #230Leo on November 22, 2010 at 1:24 am

    The feeling-talk yesterday with my boyfriend really helped.
    I know now my mistake with the leaning-back. But even more than that: I felt sooo relieved afterwards. It felt so good telling him how I feel at the moment, what’s going on in my life. And him knowing that makes our “being together” so much easier and more joyful.
    And also…it helped my self esteem cause he opened up to and told me that he wasn’t comfortable with the situation and that he misses me being sweet and that he was sad I was so cold towards him.
    I am worth being loved. And he loves me just the way I am. I don’t have do anything for it.
    And one thing he told me I thought was funny cause I saw similarities between us women and him:
    He said, he is a thinker and when he sees me not being happy, he immediately thinks it’s cause of him, that something wasn’t right with us. He just can’t believe it’s not about him.
    So when I told him…I really felt how relieved he was, too.

    Gosh, today is a good day. And I feel just spectacular!!!
    (btw… here it’s 10.30 a.m.) 😀

  231.  #231Ella on November 22, 2010 at 2:27 am

    Daria re 217

    Ah, ok, I feel better now.

  232.  #232Ella on November 22, 2010 at 2:31 am


    It is confusing re the should we text if we need to know the time of a date that is planned?

    Think I am going to be a lil bit flexible around this and follow my feelings.

    A lot depends on the guy and how I feel from him.

    I am coming to realise that for me Rori’s tools are guides rather than fixed in stone rules.

  233.  #233Brenda on November 22, 2010 at 3:32 am

    I dreamed that Daria led a bunch of us in a wild, ritualistic dance that repeated over and over, while more joined the dance, and they got more and more wild. People were taking different shapes, and they were capable of strange moves. We all had the feeling that this dance had no limitations. It could be as wild, fast, and unusual as we chose to take it with our energy and imaginations!

    I joined the dance with Scott, the man I moved to Arizona to be with in 1996. He kept being offended at the slightest thing I did and he wouldn’t dance with me. He stayed on the other side of the room, giving me dirty looks.

    At first, I kept trying to work it out and get him to dance with me. I wanted to dance creatively with him. Then I realized I was doing what I had always done. He didn’t treat me with honor, so he didn’t deserve my love.

    I quickly walked off the dance floor without even trying to catch his eye. I felt stronger for not accepting less than I deserved.

    The man I marry will lead me in the dance and treat me with honor. I feel happy that all that I’ve been learning is really sinking into my subconscious for me to dream about it like this!! 🙂

  234.  #234Jennifer on November 22, 2010 at 3:41 am

    Not feeling wierd about Bs email yesterday.
    I was feeling like I had to DO something, like there would be motion, like it MEANT something.
    But ya know what?

    “until a man is in front of you physically, he doesn’t exist”
    It’s interesting that B has new things to EMAIL. Interesting.
    But I don’t have to do anything about it.
    in the grand scheme……….it doesn’t mean anything.
    Cause it’s really easy to email and say “I will try to give you what you need.”
    But real life?
    Dats work, jack. Like work.
    I feel happy that I have a chandalier with 5 100 w full spectrum bulbs in there. It feels like a day at the beach for me.
    Cause it’s all black dark out.

  235.  #235Jennifer on November 22, 2010 at 3:54 am

    I feel happy that I have fantastic coffee!
    I feel happy that I have really healthy veggies allll cut up to roast with olive oil and balsamic vinegar to feel my family.
    I feel really glad I am no longer malilluminated.
    I feel thankful for Dr. Lieberman
    I feel thankful for the nice woman who runs the B&B where I go to work.
    I feel happy i have a job to go to.
    I feel good that friday is a NI day.
    I feel sneaky not telling my boss. I feel good that I recognize I need boundaries around work. I feel scared telling my boss that if they dont’ want to send me away anymore to make BIG $$$ I’m not gonna take a shitty overnight shift instead. I feel good recognizing that I neeed to stop working 12 day streches with only two off.
    I feel excited my American cousins are here!
    I feel anxious cause I didn’t get them gifts for thier B days.
    I feel worried my budget won’t allow for gifts.
    I feel excited to make yougurt tonight to feel my nephew with wild blueberries.

    Oh, hey
    I feel bad spamming the blog

  236.  #236Rosalie on November 22, 2010 at 3:57 am

    @ SG 211.

    Hi dear,

    I hope Rori will write you soon. I would like to read what she thinks and advices.

    I’m feeling with you… I’m sorry I can’t be much of a help now for you. The same happened to me. The ex toxic man told me to move on, he wants me to see going to the other direction… WTF…

    Rori gave me advice back then in March. But it was useless against this guy. No. not Rori’s fault, no misunderstandings pls… This guy doesn’t respond to girl energy. Not even to masculine energy. Nothing to No Contact and Total Silence. He needs Daria’s mountain lion-energy to combat with him. He threatens my life everyday. I can’t go to details but he is dangerous and puts me into danger. Although no contact mutually.

    So I’m the mountain lion now… Taking care of myself… Sometimes there are bad days. Did you have similar experiences???

    SG, I don’t want you to go on this road… Sending my love.

  237.  #237Jennifer on November 22, 2010 at 4:05 am

    I feel mad about a threatening man!
    Ya know what’s good for that?
    Judo. No kidding.
    And tasers.
    I wouldn’t lie to ya.

  238.  #238Rosalie on November 22, 2010 at 4:13 am

    @ Jennifer

    Hi darling,

    Thank you… 🙂 Unfortunately the situation is much much worse… He hit me many times. Terrorised me both physically and emotionally. Now he moved on he made up false claims about me to the police and reported me. Lol. So I can’t hit him- physically…
    Of course police found out that I’m innocent but it doesn’t protect me. He threatened me many times to get me killed… And now he played the victim to the police. Damn awful. And he is also spreading evil fake gossip about me. His witnesses were his hookers at the police… Lol. Terrible…

  239.  #239Senior Lady Vibe on November 22, 2010 at 5:28 am

    @88: Darling Ella says:

    “Hello Sirens,
    I put together a Heart Song playlist…Gosh, I love being romanced…These men are sooo good at it
    Hope you enjoy it …”


    Oooooooo, yummy. I’m listening to them now. What an inspiring, romantic way to start the day and the week.

    CD, CD, CD. 😀

    Thanks, DE.


  240.  #241Mercedes on November 22, 2010 at 7:23 am

    Back from Seattle and want to subscribe to this thread…hope everyone had a fantastic weekend! Lots of catching up to do here! 🙂

    Much Love,

  241.  #242Plum on November 22, 2010 at 10:59 am


    I feel protective of you. Not regarding your acts , you are doing just great, processing so fast and all.
    I feel protective regarding my own words you have kept in mind.
    I feel the need to clear a few points in what I wrote about my family.

    Dad seemed happy with himself.
    He did not treat women as children or pets.
    He did not give orders to the nurse.
    I never heard him tell Mom, “go to this room and wait for me”
    or “come here”.

    Dad was respectful of himself.
    He did not ask the nurse to hide herself.
    Dad never considered the nurse as “secret fun”.
    He created the right situation to go towards her OPENLY to the eyes of all .
    He went to her when he was ready to give to her.

    He also respected his girl friend.
    He took care of their relationship first by ending it.
    If they had been right together he would have married her.
    Mom would have had not a chance, but then again, Mom would have not felt she had a chance and she would have staid away.
    His heart was obviously available.

    On Mom’s side, she did not leave her own path to be in his.
    She was working in the hospital before she met him, she did not change her lifestyle or work as long as they were not married.
    She did not hide herself for the sake of his relationship with another woman.
    He did not ask her, but she would have not accepted anyhow.
    On the contrary she stepped up to herself, as being THE woman in her own life.
    She showed herself.
    She simply existed in the sun light, no hiding.
    It was up to him to know his feelings.

    The visit thing was cute, nothing bad.
    She knew he could say at any time
    “huh? No!
    Visitors time is not over, please stay (GF’s name) and Miss nurse would you please leave the room.”

    He knew he could say it too.
    But he never felt the need to say it.
    He was relieved when girl friend was cutting her visits short.

    Anyway, when they told me, I heard myself saying

    Judgmental teen ager.
    They were falling from the pedestal I had put them on,
    But Mom, said:
    “Ohhh Yes, I did! “
    With a big smile, like daring me to stop loving her for that.
    I put my doubts aside and never asked myself again if it was naughty to tell a woman “visitors time is over”
    I decided it was funny and cute.

    Girl friend had the possibility to stay in the room, and she knew it.
    It was up to her and her boy friend to decide what they wanted to do.
    They could have both laughed at the crazy nurse and asked her to leave the room.
    Them were supposed to be the bubble and the nurse was supposed to be the outsider.

    It is boy friend who never asked girl friend to stay, they had no such bubble.
    It is girl friend who decided to leave rather than tell the nurse to mind her job and leave the room.

    Girl friend was right, chasing the nurse out of the room would have NOT taken care of her own bridge.

    The heart of HER problem was the reality going on between boy friend and girl friend.
    Her needs were not met because boy friend was not into her and that was it.

    If girl friend had come here, crying, we would have told her to forget Dad who is not the right man for her, and to look for the next, better man for her 😉

    The 3 of them minded their own bridge.
    They each took care of their own needs.


  242.  #243tinque on November 22, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Velvetine – “does it mean I am leaning forward if I sometimes initiate this during foreplay with a partner?… I just enjoy it and find it pleasurable myself.”

    Yes it’s okay to do this, great even. You’re responding spontaneously. It’s part of the ebb and flow, give and receive of making love. You’re getting pleasure by doing this. Another form of receiving.

  243.  #244Karen on November 22, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Hi everyone, I want to ask a question and I’m not quite sure where to put it. I’ve been chatting with a guy on POF, on a daily basis. He is calling me ‘love’, ‘baby’, ‘sweetie’, etc, he has been very attentive. I was going through some tests at the hospital and he was worried about me, wanting me to check in as soon as it was over, etc…

    So we finally met on Saturday. And as soon as I saw him, I realized that I am not physically attracted to this guy at all. Sure I had seen pictures, but for me I almost need to see the guy in person.

    My question is… can I develop a physical attraction to him? I know Rori says that she wasn’t even attracted to her husband when she met him, but to be honest I’m not quite sure if Rori wasn’t physically attracted or something else.

    This guy (Steve) seems to be a little bit clingy, but I think he’s about everything I could ever ask for. He says his only job is to make me happy. He is sooo attentive, it is really sweet. I just don’t know what to do. I ended the date early Saturday because I developed a killer migraine. He wants to see me again, soon, and I’m putting him off for the moment so I can try to figure out what to do.

    I’m very non-confrontational; I don’t ever want to hurt anyone. But I don’t want to lead this guy on.

    Any ideas?
    Thanks in advance,

  244.  #245SG on November 22, 2010 at 11:56 am

    JANJUNE – Thank you for providing me with your reflective thoughts about the toxic man and the toxic relationship I was involved in for the past 22 months.

    I totally believe that by him having me committed into endless and expensive therapy sessions while he looked on from afar and pointed his fingers at me while thinking he was perfect himself was his only means of having control and power over me in his mind which indeed becomes an emotionally abusive situation. No matter what I did or how I explained myself, using girl-energy and/or with feeling messages… or not, to make him see his controlling ways were causing me to feel very alone and hugely hurt and pained, he wouldn’t flinch to change his perspective or attitude toward his behaviour toward the relationship.

    Perhaps I should have noticed that at 40 and never had a committed relationship before should have raised some big time red flags in me to say he didn’t know how to handle problems in a relationship. In thinking back to the start of our relationship, he was also VERY persistent and insistent on having a deep and intense relationship with me even from the get go! Sheesh, before meeting this toxic man, I was married for 14 years with two boys and never once felt this horrible!

    Anyways, I’ll wait to hear Rori’s thoughts on this. In the meantime, thanks so much for your thoughts and support. I really appreciate it as any support means a lot to me right now. I know that I’ll somehow muddle through it somehow and that it will happen sooner than later!

  245.  #246Daria on November 22, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Brenda – Woohoo!

  246.  #247Daria on November 22, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    I dreamt about wanting to practice 5 sec gaze w transformer man, still feeling overwhelmed at a club, abd mermen coming out of the ocean to ask our tribes grandmother to go with them.

    And feeling embarrased to ask for food at a BBQ.

  247.  #248SG on November 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Hi Rosalie and thanks so much for your feedback. Wow, your ex sounds like he was dangerous too. I’m not familiar with your story but he sounds quite similar to my recent ex in his emotional, mental and physical abuse patterns! He has choked me, picked me up and thrown me across the room, etc.. I am 5ft tall and he was 6ft2in. What’s worse is that these sorts of guys get away with these abuse patterns only to repeat it over and over again on some other poor victim as they are highly skilled in turning the tables on us mentally and emotionally in pointing to us believe as the crazies in the relationship!! I think the entire cycle is sickening and destructive to one’s well being! I recall explaining my devastation with one of many situations I had had with him to my therapist with me insisting to diagnose me with a psychological issue. She calmly told me that I didn’t have a one and that having had met with him and I and seeing us together in sessions, she thought that his always cold, aloof and distancing behaviour towards my pain, hurt and needs were not normal to her. She said in her community of therapists they called men like him “crazy makers”! Does that sound familiar to you?? At the time, I could only mentally relate to what she was telling me but emotionally I still felt like I was being psychologically and emotionally controlled by him.

    I’m curious as to where I would find your story, Rosalie? I haven’t read the entire thread so it may be here!

    My thoughts are with you. Hugs.

  248.  #249tinque on November 22, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Karen – If everything else seems to be there, give him a chance. I wasn’t so much physically attracted to K either in the beginning. He had a nice body, but the face wasn’t what I normally went for.

    He won me over, and now I think he’s absolutely adorable.

  249.  #250Karen on November 22, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Tinque, Thank you! I keep thinking the same, that I should at least give him a chance. I feel that I’m being petty about his appearance and I should look at the whole picture. But I hope I start feeling something soon…
    Thanks again,

  250.  #251Ella on November 23, 2010 at 3:06 am


    Thanks so much for that. It was just one of the things I had read somewhere and just stayed with me for some reason. The story really stuck in my mind.

    I did not realise it was actually your own family and I hope I did not misrepresent any of the story through not remembering the details (although I probably did and I feel sorry for that).

    I just think it is a lovely tale and definitely one of people staying on their path and their bridge. It makes me smile.

    Thank you for your concern.

    Don’t worry, I will not allow myself to be hidden away OR drawn to a man who is not available for me. Nor will I change my life/work UNLESS I want to and I feel it IS my path.

    I want to go work at the pub REGARDLESS of Mr Barman. He is hot however right now he is not step up (and that can change on a dime like everything else) and I will not take crumbs. Not anymore since RR 🙂

    My self esteem is too high now.

    I felt triggered by your words of ‘secret fun’. I do not think I was that to him. I think I was/am more, however what is not yet clear is whether he is for me, or for her (so I could either be the g,friend or the nurse from your story, or neither, lol).

    All I am going to do is stay on my path and remain open! I feel comfortable, happy about things now and even if nothing ever happens between me and him again it is also fine!

    Plum, I feel confused – are you also Loneplum but have changed your name?

    Again thanks for sharing the link to the story and clarifying finer points!

  251.  #252Plum on November 24, 2010 at 6:59 am


    no no no
    I felt good reading your post about their story. I like that it inspires you, like it still inspires me after so many years.
    I gave you the link so you can remember it with the details.

    I wrote the new post for another reason.
    I had a sudden doubt of what can be read in my words.
    I felt the need to clear the fact that I meant to say Rori is soooo right 🙂

    Yes LonePlum became Plum 🙂
    Your last post felt good to read too.
    Your experiment working in the pub should be interesting.
    Ha ha ha I picture all these men running in the pub from everywhere around and spreading the word “have you seen that Gorgeous Diva yet?”
    I bet the pub owner will looooove it 😉