If You’re Addicted To Him, You’re Addicted to Being Kicked in the Teeth, Too – How to Stop

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Sometimes the addiction to a man – or a kind of man – is so deep and strong, you’ll do anything to keep it going.

You’ll make excuses for everything, analyze him, analyze yourself, find ways this could work, keep it going at whatever cost. Carole wrote me about a situation like this in hopes that I’d be encouraging and help her land this man – but I don’t want to – I want to help her land a GOOD man! Here’s her letter, with all the back-and-forth email coaching we did…

Hi Rori,

It’s been a few months since we “talked”. If you remember me, I am the one who was dating John, the very rich guy who gave me a ruby ring, and all kinds of big gifts all inside of the space of 5 weeks. I broke it off right before we were going to go away together (and share a room) because I felt way too pressured and couldn’t return his feelings. He felt way too needy and controlling to me.

I feel like my other situation is very complicated and would appreciate your thoughts even if they are just a psychoanalysis of me. These thoughts just go around and around in my head and I feel like you are the only one who can answer my questions.

I dated Bill for 2  years. He told me in the beginning he wasn’t looking for anything serious which was fine with me. Neither  was I. But since it seems most guys I date really fall for me, it was a little confusing when months passed and we weren’t in love. I was never in love either but now that you mention being addicted to someone, I think we are both addicted to each other. But, all the time I felt hurt and confused by: although lots of hand holding and hugs and arms around me on the couch….no real romance, not calling me every day, I wished he would want to tell me goodnight every night, etc.

Every week, I would think about breaking up and then every weekend  it would be so great I’d change my mind – for months/years! Sometimes I would actually break up with him and then he would get super sweet. I know you said in co-dependency you keep a certain distance between you so when I moved away he moved in closer. I kept trying to figure out if I honestly wanted more – the “real” relationship…I still don’t know the answer to that. But, I do know that I wished he and I were more connected. I want someone to share my day with.

Last summer he moved to another city, farther away from me,  and I found out last fall that a married woman was texting, phoning and corresponding with him. When I found out, he said they had met when they were both married and things got steamy between them although they never slept together . He said she lives in another city and she won’t get divorced because of her kids .  He also said   and that he knew it was wrong and was glad I caught him and he would stop; he didn’t want to lose me.

Then I found out a few months later that that they were still emailing. When we talked about that he said he just couldn’t stop it – she was a good friend . I told him it was over and that I was going to date other people. He was really upset and wanted to be one of the people I dated. Since I was addicted I guess, I said that I loved his company but that I wanted more …but it was a yes that we could still date. Since then we’ve had a fabulous time together but I also really struggle knowing about the other relationship. Since then, I’ve dated at least 25 guys and it really has helped soften the addiction.

But something in me wants to “win” him. Something else in me still wants to have the good time and try to be friends (no sex). Is that being a rock star? Or is that having low self esteem?? I feel like it’s the first but I acknowledge I could be in denial.

My analytical nature says he has fear of intimacy. That’s why he fell for a married woman in the first place. And that’s why he kept her around to create space between he and I. He seems to have an emotional relationship with her and a  physical relationship with me. He always tells me what a great time we have.

In reading what I wrote, I know it sounds stupid to want a man that is probably in love with someone else and admittedly is not “in love” with me but is always desperate to keep me around. I’m not “in love” with him either but can’t seem to say goodbye and i wish that we were in love. The relationship is so good other than the emotional part. I could be in love with him if he ever decided to make it romantic and it would be fabulous since we are so great compatibility wise and sexually. Yes, I know it’s imaginary!!

Questions:

1. Can that kind of relationship ever turn into something more?? (this is a big question for me) I’ve been using your tools and have finally gotten flowers, cards, and much more than before but still nothing close to a real romantic relationship. I can feel his hurt that I don’t ever call him and I feel he is starting to move away because he doesn’t’ think I like him as much. I’ve told him how much I date and I think he feels intimidated.  He asks me to visit a lot and I can’t figure out if I should while the married woman thing is going on. I can’t decide if I’m keeping my dignity by not seeing him in that situation or whether I’m not “doing the invitation” by not responding to his steps toward me. I’m very confused on that! In the meantime I AM dating like crazy and I haven’t seen him in person for several months.

2. I’m about to write a letter and state that I don’t feel good about having a physical relationship with him while he has other female relationships that are beyond a friendship ). (Actually, I really would like to see him but I feel like you would tell me not to). And, to restate what I do want in a relationship. Part of the reason I would do that is to make it clear why I’m still looking/dating

3. If we can’t have a real relationship, I can’t figure out if I want to be “just friends”. I cant’ seem to give him up so sometimes I think friends would be fine. But, I also don’t want to hear about other people he’s dating so that is my clue that we aren’t totally just friends. He still calls me baby and even sweetheart sometimes and we’ve always held hands. It might be weird to see him and not hold hands. If we are just friends, how do you feel about me telling him some of what I know about co-dependency and addictive relationships?

4. With regard to my circular dating, , I do have questions about how to tell someone I’ve been married more than once and have some health issues. Mostly, it’s a question of when. I”m going to guess that you’ll say to use feeling messages (just read your latest blog) and so I will work on that.   I usually wait until I know someone better as I don’t feel like dredging all that up over and over again on first dates. But then again, they are usually asking about that stuff on the first date. Sometimes they even ask “so how long were you married?” and that feels like an implication that I was only married once. Sometimes I say “20 years” which is how long the last one was but that doesn’t feel honest. Can I just say that is a topic that I feel like sharing on a later date? Or, is it the right thing to do to talk about it right away? How does a guy feel that a girl is a goddess when she’s been married more than once and has health issues?)

I realize that other people that you help have worse problems and mine is something that you respond to all the time (I’m ready for the tough response ) but I feel really stuck and frustrated and can’t seem to get over these questions I have. I would be so appreciative of an answer.

My Answer:

Carole – you’re feeling so scared…try not DOING anything – just talking about – SHARING how you feel, and your confusion.

That’s enough.

Forget the cookies for now – It’s just you trying to avoid your fear by GIVING.

And telling the truth is your most powerful ally here – try not withholding as much as you can…and see if you can keep the emotional charge OUT of it all….

He’s just very intense (Like John Cusack in “Must Love Dogs”) – observe, speak, tell the truth – and see if it’s something you can learn to enjoy…the stronger you are on the inside – the more you’ll be able to let loose on the outside and let him in…if he’s too much – you get to help him ease back by saying what you don’t like…if he really cares for you and is capable of love rather than just “need” – like the old relationships you had…you’ll experience how it works when he does it.

It’s good for you to not love him as much as he loves you. you’ll have to discover for yourself what it is inside yourself that gets awakened with intimacy and testosterone (god bless testosterone…) through him. Remember – it’s all IN YOU – it just gets released in his presence. See if he can do this for you…Love, Rori

From Carole:

Adding to my email this morning

another big concern is that how our relationship may change when I “surrender” either physically or emotionally. He is in hot pursuit now and from what I remember from Christian Carter’s material, when things get close the guy may pull back. I guess I’ll just deal with that when it and if it happens. And, from reading posts on your blog, the secret for me then will be to stay leaning back and feeling comfortable rather than jumping in and trying to “make it better”.

I’m also struggling with how to “dribble back”. So far, I haven’t done anything other than be good company for him. And, he even buys me candy bars and sweets and little things he knows I like. I’m starting to feel like I should do the same but things have been going so well I”m afraid to change anything! I was going to make homemade goodies this week for him and see how that goes. It’s hard to buy him anything too as he has everything! But, are little gifts the right thing to do? Maybe some personalized stuff that say something funny on it…things like that?

OK, I’m really done now

From me:

Carole – you ROCK!
Okay – apart from the fact that most women would “kill” to be where you are – let’s look at the different things:

1. Sex – He’s got his “things.” Everyone does. Yeah – the hickey is possessive, yeah – all kinds of things…and….you can deal with all of this if you can learn to express your feelings without making him wrong. Bottom line – this is about communication.

You can’t hold this in – it will not be good for you, him, the relationship. I think you must be a little straight-laced? Is that true? Or the things he says and do seem “needy” to you? So TELL him.

Tell him the hickey thing felt like him being possessive (after all – women get TATTOOS with their boyfriend’s names…a hickey is a time honored badge of having a boyfriend and passionate love…so it’s not really that weird…).

Do you want to talk to Tinque about sex?

If you can speak to him about EVERY feeling that comes up for you during sex – you’ll feel great, and you’ll get to see how he handles your challenges. If he comes through – you’ll feel intimate – it will be scary. Tell him you have a background of co-dependency and you’re afraid of attracting that into your life, and that when (set the context here..don’t make him wrong…) “that” happens, you start to feel a little overwhelmed and surrounded and like something’s being asked of you…and ask him how he see s this getting solved?

There’s lots of sex you can have up to and including intercourse. Explore it all in as happy and carefree way as you are able. It only has the meaning you give it…there is no intrinsic value or meaning to sex.

2. Work. If you love your work – you don’t want to quit. If you don’t love your work, then you would welcome the opportunity t take your time to develop a new business, a new vocation. This is a gift. You have to TELL him this. That you love that he’s such a great provider – and if the issue is you having enough TIME for him – I totally understand that. My husband’s father married a third wife, who quit her jog and started travelling with him – and gave him the time in his retirement he wanted – until she became passionate about animals. Now she spends ALL her time sheltering, finding homes, doing volunteer work. He’s living with it – but it’s not what he wanted.

You must talk to John about all this – what he wants and expects from you, what marriage looks like to him – and what YOU WANT!!!! Tell him you’re afraid of being with a man who’s “controlling” because you’ve done that…and just talk as much as you can honestly…

If children are a possibility here – you want to set those parameters, too – can you have a home-based business – what does he SEE. Do you see the SAME THINGS?

Love the ring thing…

From Carole:

Hi Rori,

OK, I’m the one with the old bf, Bill, that wasn’t stepping up and the new bf, John, who is completely head over heels in love with me. Today is the 4-week anniversary of our first date and I still haven’t slept with him but he gave me a huge ruby ring this weekend that he wants me to wear to let other guys know I’m taken, given me other big gifts and he is planning an extravagant “pampering” birthday weekend   and now he wants me to go on a trip with him. Just will comment again on how your tools have totally gotten this man to pursue me like crazy.

You suggested that if things are “pleasant” with him to continue to see him and take baby steps. I have a really good time with him and am sexually attracted to him. I just don’t love him or miss him and he tells me both those things now….I feel some pressure to feel the same way. Not a lot but a little.

Anyway, I’m concerned about some things and would really appreciate and value your feedback either by email or in a scheduled call. I will tell you the good stuff first just to set the context and then the stuff that I’m wondering what to think of.

He says:
I am the air that he breathes (just like your Siren program- funny he said that)
He has never felt so emotionally complete
I am his soul mate
He can’t stop looking at me I am stunningly beautiful (not really true but I guess I am to him ) He says this about every 15 min that I am with him
I am a complete woman in every way
He said that he was going to do everything in his power to win me (again, just like you say that men will move mountains to get to a woman they want)
He says that I should trust him that he will do everything he can to make me happy and will never stop wooing me; he will never leave me or cheat on me; all I need to do is love him back

I could go on and on but I think you can see that he is doing everything that you say a man should do for a woman and how he should pursue her. It’s very nice.

My concerns:
All his friends and family have the kind of “issues” that I’ve seen over the years associated with co-dependency – eg, liking to drink,  , heavy sarcasm. He is not close with his family and he doesn’t seem to really like his grandchildren

He wants me to quit working    so that I am free to be with him

He has an abrupt side with his employees; he says he will never bring that home

OK, now here’s the hard thing to talk about..on the sexual side….I’m bringing this up bc you said I may develop more feelings for him after we have sex. We still have not but this weekend I did sleep in his bed with him (long story as to why – was sort of preplanned bc of late night Sat date  ; i know your warnings on that). Anyway, he is a very good kisser but when we get a little more passionate, he says some really weird things!!!

Those things do not make me feel good. I’ve experimented and it seems ok if I don’t respond to his requests but I’m sure that’s not the best way and furthermore I’m worried if any of this is a red flag. Those things are not going to help me fall in love with him when we have sex. And, lastly, today he asked if he could give me a hickey . I wasn’t really thinking about it too seriously but now that I’m home and I see it it makes me feel like he didn’t mind harming me in a way. I think he did it as a possessive thing but it doesn’t feel loving to me.

I don’t have much experience with him sexually but although the whole rest of our relationship is VERY loving, my intuition is telling me that he feels like a man provides for the woman and in return she satisfies him sexually. On the other hand, I’ve told him I want to wait and he says he is glad to wait, no problem whatsoever…even after all the gifts and trip ideas. OK, I’m rambling and I apologize for not organizing the questions better but I don’t know how to deal with my confusion. The man is offering me the world on a silver platter but I’m not sure yet that I can fall in love with him and mostly I just wonder how much I can believe in all of his promises (which sound very nice). In writing this, I’m almost answering my own question and that is that I just need to go at my own pace and take baby steps and see where it’s headed. I did order Toxic Men but don’t have it yet. Any thoughts on handling this current situation in the meantime?

Lastly, since I am keeping my emotional distance in a way…I can’t tell him that I love him or miss him….part of me is suspicious that he is so smitten with me because I am emotionally unavailable. (ok, yeah I’m overthinking and overanalyzing) And, is that a recipe for bad news later? If so, can I thwart it off just by learning all these tools and using them? Or, do I need to find a man with less co-dependancy propensity?

I guess you will tell me just to practice on him and see where it goes. I just don’t want to get too involved if it won’t work in the end. And yes, I hear my own fear of intimacy in this message . At least just help me respond to the sexual things that feel bad or tell me what those things might mean. I can’t make the scripting session this Thursday….maybe the next one.

Carole

From me:

Carole – I’d just stick with Modern Siren – really do it all – 24/7 – get it into your system – all the body language, the whole FEEL of it…and Heather’s stuff will really help. Go take a pole dancing class perhaps…from a stripper, not an aerobics instructor…do the sensual meditation from the ebook as much as you can….do the portable one out in the world. Rori

From Carole:

Hi Rori,

Thank you for your advice. It’s so helpful when I feel unsure of what to do – I’m in unnavigated waters. THANKS for saying give it time. Pleasant, numb and blank IS what I feel although kissing him I do feel something so it could very well be that sex will be the trick. I like what you said about feeling safe and being able to let go. But, I just don’t feel ready yet even though I know it would feel good. I probably had sex too early with other guys and so now I’m waiting until I truly feel ready even though he might get frustrated.

I’m dealing with a lot of tears knowing it is truly over with Bill. I’ve told him now that I can’t see him. I’m grieving and missing him. Especially since he doesn’t want to let go. Am hoping getting over that will help with John too.

Was just wondering if you feel another phone session would help on the getting in touch with my feelings thing or whether I should just keep trying and do the baby steps. I do feel that I am making teenie baby steps. Or, are there any other programs out there that help that are targeted for that purpose? I’ve looked at many that girls mention on your blog  – and none seem to call out to me. Your methods I find to be the most impactful even though it’s going slowly. It’s more organic as you say. Carole

From me:

Carole, I think you rock. And about John – please just give him a chance. When you’ve spent your life pining over men who don’t do the job, a man who WANTS to do the job just isn’t as appetizing – ALSO – you want to give him a lot more time in case he is not what he seems and dissolves (I doubt that – but you have to be prepared for everything and anything).

If PLEASANT describes your experience with him – that’s good enough for now. I was totally not attracted to my husband, until he did some things that made me feel good, and then, when I finally had sex with him (I wasn’t all that excited) it was AMAZING – and that cinched the deal for me.

Amazing happens when you feel so safe and so loved that you can really let go – not every man who’s nuts for you can do that for you…let’s see if John is special.

Baby steps. That’s all you can do now. Don’t look ahead. Just try and let go and feel whatever it is you feel – even if that feeling is BLANK or NUMB!! You’ll get the hang of it – you will!!!

Sincerely, Rori Raye

From Carole:

Rori, First of all I want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for our coaching session on Friday and just for who you are and what you are doing. I’m sure that you’ve made a huge impact on my life and my chance for a healthy, happy, lifelong relationship. And, I am speaking as someone who has been in a lot of counseling sessions!! Also, I wanted to thank you for making me feel really comfortable by comparing our family backgrounds. That meant a lot. You are such a special person.

Our session
After our session, I just broke down in tears. This stuff really does bring stuff up and I never even understood the concept of triggering, much less knew what to do about it if it happened. I’ve been bursting into tears for no reason the last few months and I had NO idea what the reason was. On Friday, I got an inkling finally that it’s because I may just not feel loveable…deep down anyway. I am a very accomplished person and I’m told I’m attractive and smart and all that…. so on the surface I don’t feel that way ….and thus that revelation was a surprise to me. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising given my history but it really was.

I have to say also that the session we had was difficult for me. It’s very difficult to speak in feeling messages…to even know what I’m feeling…so it was good for me to realize how much practice I need…and practice I will. Thank you again for opening my eyes in so many ways. I felt so inadequate that I’m feeling compelled to show you that I really do have a few brains in my head.

I know you believe me and don’t really need to look but I thought you’d be interested from your professional perspective that here is one more really smart woman that hasn’t a clue about relationships. You said you had a lot of such clients and so I felt like you might want to know about one more that you are helping beyond anything you can imagine and I’m hoping this makes you feel good about what you are doing and how meaningful and awesome it is.

Update on John (my new friend)
Your tools work as my new friend John is out of his mind crazy for me. He wants to pamper me, protect me, and be my partner forever and we have only known each other 3 weeks today!! I’ve been listening to several of your products in the car over and over and over again til the CDs are almost worn out. I will order the toxic men program tonight.

John is planning a weekend getaway for my birthday   with the intent of pampering me to death. We are going to a resort and spa  . Last night we had the talk about being exclusive  .

That was a little overwhelming. And, I want to tell you that in 3 weeks I haven’t done more than kiss him! John is doing the 3 things that I was missing the most from Bill – he sent me a huge bouquet after 3 dates , he wants to say good night every single night and he will banter funny things back and forth in text messages just to stay connected and laugh. Those were my big things with Bill that I was frustrated about and so it’s funny that I’m getting all of them with John.

For a future discussion with you:
John is everything that I want in a man and is treating me the way that you said a real man wants to treat a woman. He is a man of significant means and wants to share it all with me. What more could a woman want???? A brilliant man who can pamper me to death and wants to. But, if I’m honest, I’m not feeling anything. I have a good time with him but I’m not feeling like I’m falling in love. Is this because of my issues? Or, it just needs time? Or, it’s not meant to be? If you feel like it could be due to issues related to my fear of intimacy then I would really like to talk some more…about that.

The feeling message scripting makes me feel really inadequate. Perhaps I need your group session…not sure. I will have to be really brave to do that. I feel more at ease trying to learn it on my own even though I know I’ll progress more slowly. I understand it; I’m just not good at it. Although sometimes I feel like I don’t know how I feel and is that a deeper issue?? Can you help me get in touch with my feelings? As I write this I am remembering your suggestions of hugging the wall and touching objects. I couldn’t surrender to the wall and didn’t stick with it. Touching objects helps a little. Maybe I just need more time on that too and I will get better eventually after just stopping myself all the time and trying to check in with myself.

Carole

From me:

Carole, Hi – and I’m so sorry – I know this is difficult and painful…and you’ve answered all your own questions. Here’s my take in a nutshell:

Ask yourself some questions?

1. How does it feel to feel like I need him and want him so much?
2. Do I REALLY need him and want him so much? Is that true?
3. How does it feel to hang on like this? What am I getting out of hanging on?
4. What would happen if I just let go completely and threw myself into Circular Dating and building a great life for me?
5. What is he giving me that makes this pain worthwhile?

Lots more questions –

This is not going anywhere. What it’s doing for you is keeping you stuck – in your life…in your head. In some deep place, you want to be stuck, and so you are sticking yourself to him. You are going to have to talk yourself out of this, get away completely, and really, really work on loving yourself. Hanging onto this man who is doing NOTHING for you is damaging to you and your faith in yourself. If you do not take yourself away from him, you will make sure (on a deep, subconscious level) that he kicks you in the teeth – over and over again.

Is this what you really want?

I know the good men are boring sometimes.

Answer anything they ask truthfully, and with confidence. Don’t back away. Don’t feel compelled to share without being asked, but answer if they ask.

It’s your love for yourself that you want to shine through here – circumstances mean nothing. Some men will run from your circumstance, some men will embrace it and love you more for it.

That’s where you need to go – to the place where a man will love you exactly the way you are. And there are plenty of men out there who would kill for the chance. Love, Rori

To YOU!

Wow – that was a long conversation.

Is this the way you talk to yourself? Back and forth – analyzing, figuring out?

Try this: Imagine that you’re both Carole AND you in YOUR scenario.

1. Imagine what my answers would be – try that first, and see what happens for you.

2. Now imagine what YOUR answers would be.  What FEELS GOOD to you…and then catch yourself explaining, making the case for that outcome.

John, who’s crazy about her – may not actually be right for her! BUT – he’s a therapeutic step in the right direction.

That’s what’s important to know.

Treat everything as a step – not as an outcome – until you put that ring on your finger or buy that house with a man.

Love, Rori

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532 Comments

  1.  #1Rachel on November 18, 2010 at 7:26 am

    Yay! Top of the mountain! And such a great post … I have been addicted and it’s feeling good to finally break free!



  2.  #2Masculine Woman on November 18, 2010 at 7:58 am

    I am reading this post and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. Thank you RR for all the help that you are offering to us. Every time I read now I appreciate it more.



  3.  #3Hadassah on November 18, 2010 at 8:33 am

    I am wondering if I was kind of addicted to my ex bf… there were periods that I felt SO bad to have him around, but couldn’t seem to get away. SO glad I finally did!

    I don’t know how many of you caught my post yesterday about an online prospect emailing me all of his personal info, then pretty much demanded mine in return. When I responded with the fact that I was uncomfortable doing so right away but would love to get to know him better, he replied with “then I am not a trusting person so good luck in my search.” I sent back that I wish him good luck as well, but that my trust is earned and not given freely. I figured that was the end of it; there really is nothing else to say. It just showed me if he couldn’t respect a simple boundary like that it wouldn’t work anyways!

    So he writes me this LONG drawn out email early this morning about how I am insecure and that’s why I wouldn’t give him my info, and how that’s why I am single, and that I talked to much about my daughter in the profile, and blah blah blah. It was laughable. How my not being willing to give a literal complete stranger my home address, work address, cell number, work number, personal emails, etc. is a sign of insecurity is beyond me.

    And I DO mention my daughter on my profile because she is an integral part of my life and I am not trying to keep her a secret! I feel GREAT being a mom. I don’t think it’s fair to spring the fact that I am a mom onto a guy last minute. I WANT them to know right away so if the possibility of his being a daddy doesn’t interest him, he will not contact me! I’m not looking for a bf, I want a husband.

    Before, I would have seriously considered emailing this guy back and trying to explain myself to him. But I don’t owe him an explanation -I don’t owe him anything! He was pretty much throwing a fit because he didn’t get his way with me and was trying to bully me into arguing with him, and I am just not having it. I could have snapped back, well if you had such issues with my profile, why did you initiate contact with me in the first place? I could have emailed him back telling him why he is single but figured that would have been beneath me. So instead I blocked him. And that felt good 🙂

    There are PLENTY of other men that are contacting me. Too bad half of them weigh 400 pounds and/or are old enough to be my dad or grandfather, but there still are plenty more that are eligible in my book!



  4.  #4Katie on November 18, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Wow…so much information in just this one post!!
    Amazing!!…I do wish Carole the best because she is workin some serious overtime!! <3



  5.  #5Mercedes on November 18, 2010 at 9:00 am

    That feeling of being addicted to a man who isn’t stepping up is the worst! Ugh!

    Now I’m addicted to J. Thank goodness that’s about as harmful as being addicted to orange juice. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  6.  #6Ella on November 18, 2010 at 9:01 am

    Hey,

    Need some help quick…

    I am due to go for a second date with a new man tonight…

    He had asked me earlier in the week when we could meet and suggested Thursday as he has an evening off.

    I said I was not sure as I have an arrangement to meet my friend however she practically ALWAYS cancels on me and I did not fancy sitting at home. The arrangement with her was not set in stone so I was going to chat to her and get back to him.

    When we spoke on the phone last night I decided that I wanted to try and see my friend first early afternoon/evening and then meet him after that. So I said this is what I wanted and what did he think…

    He said he was REALLY PLEASED that I was going to see him and he couldn’t wait. Then I ended the call.

    My issue is I am not sure whether I am supposed to be getting bcak to him and telling him what time I am done with my friend etc… I have not heard from him yet today and it is nearly time to go meet my pal.

    Is it leaning forward to text and ask him the plan for this evening? Or is it just being practical?

    I am not stressing over this I just want to do things well and sussing out actions which are leaning forward versus leaning back does not come naturally to me.

    Please tell me what you all think?

    Much Love.



  7.  #7The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 9:03 am

    I loved this! I love the back and forth – the dialogue going on between Carole and Rori. I feel really inspired to get back into golf. Lol! I envisioned golfing with my man in my ideal relationship the first time I worked through the e-book. I love hearing about a man that wants to play as a couple! I feel so optimistic and hopeful. (I’m not very good but I feel excited about improving!!!!) I have a beautiful swing and I miss going to the driving range, it was my way of dating myself a few years ago……aww….I feel so nostalgic now and a little weepy. I almost want Carole’s problems 😉 lol!



  8.  #8Daria on November 18, 2010 at 9:10 am

    Is the order of the q and a mixed up? Yes it feels confusing



  9.  #9The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Yeah, it felt a little mixed up to me too, Daria



  10.  #10LonePlum on November 18, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Hadassah 2

    Lol
    It really takes all to make a world. Poor sick man. (the bully one)

    You are correct, the right man for you would be happy to take you and your daughter to places where kids feel good. He would plan it and he would ask you what you think. 🙂

    It is good to allow the man and you daughter to meet as soon as possible, after a couple of dates with him.

    He gets to know how he feels around her. Is it a deal breaker for him or a pleasure?
    On your side, you get to observe how they react to each other, before you become involved with him.

    I am admirative of how fast you got hold of your horse 🙂



  11.  #11The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 9:28 am

    Hadassah,

    I dunno,
    maybe text him that you feel confused about the plan tonight -or if he made a plan or that you feel silly because you are not sure what the plan was- did he say call him when you’re done?
    Daria????



  12.  #12LonePlum on November 18, 2010 at 9:28 am

    Daria 6

    Hello 🙂

    Yes, I stopped reading the post, I’ll do it when Rori puts the emails back in order lol

    I got the idea though, and I, too, would love to have Carole’s problem 🙂



  13.  #13The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Oh!! Oops that was for Ella!!

    Im on my phone 🙁 it’s little



  14.  #14Renee on November 18, 2010 at 9:30 am

    Hadassah — I don’t think it’s perfectly understandable that you would feel uncomfortable handing out all your contact information to a complete stranger! The fact that this guy insisted on it and then took the time to give you a blow-by-blow critique of why he thinks you’re still single shows he has some serious issues, not to mention being insensitive to your (quite reasonable) desire for some privacy at the beginning.

    You’ll definitely continue to run into some crazies out there in online dating land, but you’re doing so well! I applaud you for realizing you weren’t getting what you wanted in your last relationship and putting yourself out there so quickly — good for you! You’re developing into a true siren!



  15.  #15Renee on November 18, 2010 at 9:33 am

    Ella — It would be leaning forward a little to contact him at this point, but you could experiment with it and see how you feel. I think the key (if you decide to do txt him about the details of when/where you’re getting together) is to not be attached to the outcome. What do you think?



  16.  #16Masculinewoman on November 18, 2010 at 9:35 am

    Just checking to see if this will go into moderation as several others have and now seem to be deleted.



  17.  #17LonePlum on November 18, 2010 at 9:37 am

    4: Ella

    I would not have changed my plans for him.
    He is getting hard to get, he imposed his only free evening on you

    I would have been natural with it all and say I am not free on Thursday.
    He is the one who should push his schedule to meet me, not me.

    But it is done, so now , I would not move any more. If he really is interested, he phones me to know what’s up with me.
    I would enjoy my meeting with my girl friend and if he does not call i would go back home.

    If he phones when i am undressed and relaxing already, I would tell him so.
    I would say how sorry that we missed the opportunity to meet today, and I would let him suggest a new plan.

    Keep cool 🙂



  18.  #18Masculinewoman on November 18, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Hadassah

    People differ and I guess one of the things he is showing you is that he makes all the decisions in his relationships. From a more empathetic point of view he might be licking his wounds from a previous encounter and looking for somewhere to “vent”. It seems very unusual for a man to let it rip so early on or he might be desparate. I guess men get that way too.



  19.  #19Daria on November 18, 2010 at 9:45 am

    I would So Not like to have Carole’s problem. I feel so heavy and dragged down reading about it. It would feel great to see Carole finding her inner joy and her confidence.



  20.  #20Masculinewoman on November 18, 2010 at 9:45 am

    I just read the latest email and it brought tears to my eyes. It is very hard for me to let go but I am willing to try. Moving away from the wall and letting go felt like a free fall and like I don’t trust myself like that. I like to be in control with a firm grip on something. I had even in the past moved away from falling in love as I thought I did not like it because back then I felt I prefer to be in control of my faculties and falling in love felt like that was taken away from me. I guess that is what addiction does to some of us. I wonder if saying to myself, I am addicted to me is okay?



  21.  #21LonePlum on November 18, 2010 at 9:48 am

    Daria 17

    lol

    Yes 🙂



  22.  #22Daria on November 18, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Daria says: I font call men to confirm plans – ala Rori.

    I feel very anxious when they don’t confirm and am happy to share how I feel, pist excited or relieved when they finally do.

    It helps me see who can really step up. Oops I didn’t hear from you and didn’t know what was happening is my response if they call too late – And I feel a lil bit mad to be so excited and then dissapointed when it didn’t happen. Actually I feel very mad.

    Rori says to Cancel plans w gf in order to prioritize dating. Meeting him after counts for me.



  23.  #23Daria on November 18, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Masculine woman – if saying I’m addicted to me feels good, it’s ok.

    Are you deciding to choose (name)to be the masculine energy in your relationships?



  24.  #24Daria on November 18, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Masculinewoman – because if so u sound very feminine and will have trouble 😉



  25.  #25Diane on November 18, 2010 at 9:58 am

    #4 Ella

    Since you have another commitment and are driving the agenda for the evening for the most part, how about texting him this: “I’m looking forward to tonight. I will be available at X time, will that work for you?” If comes back and says, yes, that time will work, you can then say, “I will be in X town/area, where would you like to meet?”, then see what he says and NEGOTIATE from there. Work with him as opposed to expecting him to read your plans and your mind and propose where to meet or you driving everything on what time and where to meet…there’s a neutral way.

    That’s how I would handle it and I think men respond well to negotiating. It shows it’s not always your way and it’s not always his way, you’re a woman that will consider his needs/feelings when making decisions and you expect the same from him.

    Don’t forget…he initiated the suggestion you two see each other and said Thursday would work for him. You’re showing interest by negotiating your night with prior plans and you get the best of both worlds–spend time with your girlfriend and have a second date with him! It also shows that you have a life and you’re not willing to cancel everything just because he’s someone who’s in your life, I’m sure he likes that!

    Have a great time!



  26.  #26Daria on November 18, 2010 at 10:04 am

    I Strongly disagree – negotiating on logistics and not letting him arrange All if the date plans is against what we work with here.

    Rori consistently advises to Not help him plan. Its not about reading our mind, he must call and ask if he needs that info to plan the date.

    What he would probably ask wod sound like this:

    I’m looking forward to tonight. will X time work for you?” If you come back and say, yes, that time will work, he can then say, “where would you like to meet?”,



  27.  #27Daria on November 18, 2010 at 10:06 am

    Noooo do not consider his needs feelings, do not go for neutral – gets all business like.

    Go for Romance! Go for him all the effort you all the Goddess.



  28.  #28Leo on November 18, 2010 at 10:07 am

    okay…sometimes this is totally not working.
    I was just writing on icq with my boyfriend and he wrote that i definitely need to change my profile picture. And i said to him that I kinda feel annoyed now cause its the second time he told me something like this and that i actually kinda like the photo, or at least it’s the best i got right now.
    Then he just wrote (in a pissed mood): “alright alright, never mind.” and that he was going of for work now.

    and now i am feeling bad cause he is annoyed by me… it hurts…



  29.  #29Leo on November 18, 2010 at 10:10 am

    and now i am wanting to send him a textmessage explaining myself…like:
    I was just a little sad that you again commented negatively on my photo. …
    But on the other hand i am trying not to…cause i am mad and hurt…
    I dont know…



  30.  #30Masculinewoman on November 18, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Re 17

    I told a man who acts all into me that I know men always come back. He said “such confidence”. He seemed oddly floored by the statement.



  31.  #31Masculinewoman on November 18, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Re 21 Thanks Daria. I chose the name when I first came to this blog. It was an acknowledgement of what I had learnt about myself after reading RR’s teaching. The masculine/feminine concept was very new to me and almost duh!!! not having occured to me in the past. I am not choosing to be masculine, as I a matter of fact am working very hard to return to being feminine and am getting slow but good results. I desperately want to be the feminine energy in the relationship but have discovered that part of my pattern is loving masculine men but emasculating them with my energy and communication. I am trying with what I am learning here but have not been able to buy any of the materials yet because of financial strains.



  32.  #32Daria on November 18, 2010 at 10:19 am

    I feel so pist ! 19 man responded the sane way heinitially did to my response ( don’t know if he got the one about pomba Gira). – also about my photos ha

    Him:

    “If what I said was negativity I don’t know what positivity is lol, I don’t get jealous and I don’t like jealousy around me, what another man thinks holds no value unless its benefiting the bigger picture. My 28 comment is true, if your not getting payed for it, or starting the “lingerie airport traveling movement for liberty” your selling your self short http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZSEf_4F3jk&has_verified=1 you already know I have no intent to disrespect you, so you have no reason to feel that way. You just have to get use to tough love!

    PS: On the brighter side I had a funny thought. It would be funny if airports became nude-airports, then we could fly safe with out the fear of terrorism lol:)”

    so answered this – I’m still Feelin shaky mad wow

    “I’m not feeling heard or seen and I’m feeling Really pist off. I don’t want this type of being talked to addressed to means I’m not interested in hearing from you in anyway close to this manner. Im also not interested in advice about how to dress display my body or my age. I’m like super furious and sad – i feel dissapointed to have you be the source of these words.

    What I do is a reflection of my soul and I love me. If anyone chooses to put me down – that doesn’t feel good..

    My answer is Fuck You”



  33.  #33Daria on November 18, 2010 at 10:20 am

    I feel so pist ! 19 man responded the sane way heinitially did to my response ( don’t know if he got the one about pomba Gira). – also about my photos ha

    Him:

    “If what I said was negativity I don’t know what positivity is lol, I don’t get jealous and I don’t like jealousy around me, what another man thinks holds no value unless its benefiting the bigger picture. My 28 comment is true, if your not getting payed for it, or starting the “lingerie airport traveling movement for liberty” your selling your self short http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZSEf_4F3jk&has_verified=1 you already know I have no intent to disrespect you, so you have no reason to feel that way. You just have to get use to tough love!

    PS: On the brighter side I had a funny thought. It would be funny if airports became nude-airports, then we could fly safe with out the fear of terrorism lol:)”

    so answered this – I’m still Feelin shaky mad wow

    “I’m not feeling heard or seen and I’m feeling Really pist off. I don’t want this type of being talked to addressed to means I’m not interested in hearing from you in anyway close to this manner. Im also not interested in advice about how to dress display my body or my age. I’m like super furious and sad – i feel dissapointed to have you be the source of these words.

    What I do is a reflection of my soul and I love me. If anyone chooses to put me down – that doesn’t feel good..

    My answer is Fu*ck You.”



  34.  #34Ella on November 18, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Grrr,

    Just typed this up and then it disappeared!

    Thanks for ideas.

    Loneplum – don’t worry I am not changing my plans for him!

    He offered me any day/time. However he is on call in his job this week and I know he is off tonight. Plan with my pal was not in stone and I want to see him tonight!! Also my pal cancels on me 99.9% of the time!

    Well Sirens he just text me anyway. Lovely text But did not mention tonight…

    I text him “I feel pleased to hear from you! I feel confused as I don’t know what the plan is for later. I feel grumpy as I have too much to do. Want to see you though”

    So there we go… now I will wait and see what happens. Lol… I feel scared and crazy for being this way. And brave for being totally honest!



  35.  #35Daria on November 18, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Femininewomam – great! I used to be the same! Attracted to masc energy men, especially really dominant, but wanting to compete… Roris tools are very healing, the e letters are great, next step when your resouces come together is the book



  36.  #36Masculinewoman on November 18, 2010 at 10:29 am

    I recently had an experience where the logisitics was not finalized and I texted to ask. I felt really icky afterwards though he came back seeming very interested in meeting up. I ended up suggesting what to do for the afternoon as he also did not have a firm plan on what to do. Somehow later our conversation veered into the direction of discussing marriage. I had kind of tried to steer it towards the relationship but relaized after that I might have misunderstood something he said. He ended up taking it to marriage saying he believes he does not have to, he views it as a business, he wants total honesty such as discussion about financial obligations, debts, retirement savings, health insurance etc. He ended up asking me if I had refinanced my house and if I had considered maintain two homes, if I was willing to move out of my house and telling me that he did not want to live with anyone’s mother. He is relative financially stable and had a first marriage that went down the drain. It is now 4 years since she died of breast cancer after having moved out. He has discussed the situation on and off in the past. Has taken some of the blame but I feel there is room for him to accept more. He is definitely afflicted but I he uses the prior experience as one of his excuses and he is desperately fearful of people which is understandable as many have stolen from him in business. I must also add that the follow day after our last meet up I called maybe twice and texted once but he did not respond until very late inthe afternoon. He apologized in a voicemail 3 times and sounded sincerely apologetic. He was traveling the next day so I called to say have a good flight but again missed him. The moral here is that I reached out/leaned over to firm up plans on a date and feel now several weeks later that I pushed him away and am now waiting for him to come back where I will need to start over again. After this experience I will leave him to firm up details otherwise we will not be meeting up. He has firmed up on several past occassions but I guess I was on autopilot and ended up emasculating him.



  37.  #37Brenda on November 18, 2010 at 10:41 am

    RE: #20

    Daria wrote, “I feel a lil bit mad to be so excited and then disappointed when it didn’t happen. Actually I feel very mad.”

    This brought up my feelings for the many times Ryan led me on to believe our relationship was something that it wasn’t. He’d move closer by his actions, then let me down with his words.

    I am weighing what Rori said in her article and trying to convince myself there is no reason to hang on for Ryan and be stuck.

    I am trying to focus on my life and have an easy-come-easy-go attitude if Ryan contacts me.

    But I am faking it till I make it, because in reality I care very much if Ryan contacts me and am still struggling to not contact him.

    I am in a crisis and can’t CD but even if I could, I want to take some time off first and focus on weight loss. It will open up the caliber of men available to me.

    I feel sad and discouraged. Kenny is stepping up big time these days, but I don’t want a forever romance with him unless he changes drastically.



  38.  #38Brenda on November 18, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I don’t want to feel stuck. But I feel stuck.

    I want a new start. I want to be in my 20s and slender again and get a second chance at life, now that I’ve made all my mistakes.



  39.  #39The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 10:50 am

    Daria,

    #20. I agree but she kept pushing him to the last minute- did she give a clear yes?
    I have just waited and let it hang in the air- but that’s why our yes needs to be a clear yes so he can clearly step up, instead of us saying I dunno over and over- that’s why I love the book it forces us to stop and decide what we want



  40.  #40Jas on November 18, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Daria #30 – This guy sounds awful. I can’t believe what a tool he is! Not only is he incredibly insulting, but he has the nerve to say “you already know I have no intent to disrespect you, so you have no reason to feel that way.” So he can insult you AND then tell how YOU should feel about it?! What a narcissistic, sociopath. I think only many years of therapy will help this person get a clue. I feel so angry hearing this as I’ve come across these type of men before. They have ZERO respect for women. I’m glad you were able to tell him off.



  41.  #41Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Yeah, that was very hard for me to follow — out of order — I gave up.

    But from what I read, I would feel smothered by a guy like that.



  42.  #42Daria on November 18, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Jas – lol. To his defense he’s a really nice guy and he really really likes me. Hes also young and I’m his first goddess. He means it! Lol. He will learn how to treat a goddess here at goddess temple 101. Lol

    His belief systems are challenged by seeing me in lingerie on a public site. This is good for him as he’s very spiritual as he says.

    I am of course not gona tolerate any bullshit.

    But this shows me how any guy can seem like a bad guy… Doesn’t mean they are… I reject the behaviour not the person.



  43.  #43The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Meh! I don’t even like my response in 36# blegh!
    I think that’s a trigger because I do stuff like that. I make plans with a gf and keep everything open-ended until the guy calls me on it – then I feel scattered and pulled in too many directions.
    Yup, it’s hard to pin me down for a date-



  44.  #44NewLeaf on November 18, 2010 at 11:04 am

    I just had a similar thing happen last night. He’s been calling EVERY night to say goodnight. Yesterday AM he said I’ll call you tonight. He txts at 10:37 “sleeping?”

    I txted back “Nope :)”

    And then- nothing. For 1/2 an hour! I thought about txting him- something like WHAT? Heh.

    He finally called. I think he was testing me…



  45.  #45Leo on November 18, 2010 at 11:05 am

    May i ask you gals something…
    (It’s regarding my posts earlier)
    Where I live it’s already 8p.m. and my boyfriend as I said is now at work.
    I always send him a message saying good night.
    So when i do this today…should i refer to me being sad/annoyed/hurt by his comment cause i still feel that way when i think about it. And i don’t want him to be upset, I would want to explain further what i felt that moment.
    Or should i just let it be and say good night?



  46.  #46Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Daria,

    I feel kinda scared writing this… I don’t want to start “trouble”… but when I read the convos btwn you and this guy, it keeps making me think of the convo btwn me and you a few days ago… so I wonder if there is something in it for you (don’t know what exactly)…

    When he said your pics made him think of someone with low self-esteem (something like that), it reminded me of what you said about me with the 3some….

    Your statement here: “What I do is a reflection of my soul and I love me.” Wow! I love that! And that is exactly how I feel about myself, including in relation to TN man and exploring sexually…

    So I guess I hear your guy saying to you the same kinds of things you were saying to me…

    and, like me, you see it completely differently and feel upset about him thinking things about you that are untrue….

    What do you think?

    If you don’t want to talk about it with me, I feel understanding. I really really don’t want conflict between us at all.

    <3
    Lucy



  47.  #47Daria on November 18, 2010 at 11:08 am

    Leo – I would not do either… Personally I wouldn’t want to text good nite ( giving) when I’m upset at him. And I wouldn’t wNt to initiate about my feelings without contact from him



  48.  #48The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Hehe, I def. Would NOT be texting good night 😉



  49.  #49Daria on November 18, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Lucy – I think this is toally normal and everyone has a right to their own opinion. How I Feel is what is important.

    In the case you told me about… I acted in a similar way because of low self esteem. I alluded to someone having low self esteem in a subsequent post that had started triggered by u and moved on to my own experiences.

    Do I think you have low self esteem regarding the tn man wh man situation ? Yes. Does it matter? No.

    That’s just how my belief system is framing it for me at this time – and… The truth is in the feelings.



  50.  #50Leo on November 18, 2010 at 11:14 am

    So generally spoken… I am not supposed to tell what I feel if he is not initiating something (and not standing in front of me) ?



  51.  #51Ella on November 18, 2010 at 11:16 am

    Leo,

    I should wait until you speak to him and if you are still feeling upset or bothered let him know.

    It is about being totally honest with how you are feeling. So if you text him a nice text when you are annoyed it is not being real/honest.

    Say what you feel at an appropriate time.



  52.  #52Leo on November 18, 2010 at 11:20 am

    I wouldnt have send him a sweet message but not a bitchy one either (no drama!!!).
    But i dont know… i always do…
    I just would have written something like:
    “Okay, going to bed. (and then how i felt/feel). Good night!”

    I don’t feel like sending a nice message. So i wont do it. So far i trust my feelings 😉
    But is still …i don’t want to hurt him either… Or make a big deal out of this.
    So hard…



  53.  #53Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 11:25 am

    Daria, Right. My point was that the way this guy is treating you bc of his belief system is mirroring the way you were treating me bc of your belief system.

    You are retaining your belief in my “low self-esteem” and he is retaining his belief in your “low self-esteem.”

    If this were being mirrored for me like that, I would want to revisit my own judgment of another person’s self-esteem.



  54.  #54Ella on November 18, 2010 at 11:25 am

    Nikita re 40

    Oh I feel triggered! But in an amused kind of way.

    I feel triggered by ‘I would often leave plans open ended until last minute waiting on a guy’

    Makes me feel scared to hear that! In case that is what I am doing… BUT I asked myself and No, that is not what is happening here, I don’t think.

    He is waiting on me. My friend is wanting to cancel. I will do what I want.

    He has stepped up now anyway.. after my feelings message he text to ask if we were still on.

    I told him I am waiting for him to tell me what we are doing tonight!!

    He called me and asked me if I would have dinner with him.

    I said yes and gonna call him after I meet my pal.
    So a happy tale! Woohoo…’ confused and off balanced by my feeling messages.

    I am guessing this is fine…

    Although gals I have to tell you. I think he is a lil



  55.  #55Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 11:26 am

    “Does it matter? No.”

    I think it does matter, bc when you judge others you are judging yourself.

    IMHO.



  56.  #56Ella on November 18, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Oh sorry that post muddled itself up! I meant to say

    I think he is a lil confused and off balance by my feelings messages…

    and I guess this is fine…



  57.  #57Ella on November 18, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Leo – I don’t know the whole story – BUT – don’t worry about HIS feelings. Concentrate on YOURS.

    This way works for everyone…



  58.  #58The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Ella,

    I don’t leave stuff open waiting for a guy; I leave it open for my cancelling girl friends and family! Lol- or because, ” I don’t know if I feel like going out twice in one day, I don’t know how I’ll feel after my gf, she might need me”(insert whiny voice). But I’m an introvert and get overstimulated easily-so I pace myself.

    And mr.big would get Annoyed and text me; “well???” hehe,
    he’d be waiting at work, killing time until I figured it out-but I’d be leaning way back- indecisive – lol! Or worse I’d climb into bed and be rushing to get ready because he’d text me” I’m here babe”- yikes!!



  59.  #59LonePlum on November 18, 2010 at 11:36 am

    Ella 50

    🙂

    I am bowing 🙂

    I love it, when it works and both man and woman are happily surprised that it works, they are connecting, each having their own way 🙂

    Have a wonderful evening 😉



  60.  #60Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 11:36 am

    “But I’m an introvert and get overstimulated easily-so I pace myself.”

    That’s why I don’t always follow the rule about not accepting spontaneous dates — if I feel good at the moment, I’ll go. It actually works better for me than planning something in advance…. How do I know if I’m gonna feel like going out with you next week?????



  61.  #61Daria on November 18, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Lucy – u have a right to your beliefs. I feel annoyed being argued with. I feel annoyed reading IMHO

    To me it doesn’t matter because belief systems aren’t real and I don’t feel judgemental towards you because of actions. Instead I feel sad to see you taking a lit of mental and emotional space for men that aren’t stepping up. Again this is what it seems like to me. It may be that you’re a green alien from mars and live backwards through time and love carrots… How do I know?

    I just know that I don’t want to do “that” mental emotional thing for myself and when I did it was because of low self esteem.

    So I see u the same tho this may be totally off it doesn’t matter to me – my message of.., don’t accept crumbs has Bern processed.

    Now processing message of … I font want to be drained subtly. Blah . Babysteps. Anger.



  62.  #62Jas on November 18, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Daria #39 – Goddess Temple 101…I love it! haha



  63.  #63The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Lucy,

    Omg yes!!!!

    The best thing is to catch me when I’m already out, like after a dance class or something- if a guy texts me and I feel like it I will



  64.  #64Daria on November 18, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Lucy – my judgement of your self esteem is a temporary tool for me to get my bearings… It may be totally off but.., I font care as it’s serving me well at this ppoint. I will feel happy to replace it ad I get a different impression.., working on my belief system

    Perhaps yes instead of using this label as a tool I can instead go to my ferlings of drained and bad.



  65.  #65Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 11:44 am

    Okay, well, I feel annoyed that you think I am arguing with you. I’m not, and wasn’t, but clearly you perceive it that way. I feel kinda sad about that.

    “u have a right to your beliefs” yes, they are the beliefs that we have been taught here by Rori and other spiritual teachers, and I value them.

    I’m sorry you feel drained reading my posts.



  66.  #66Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 11:47 am

    “Perhaps yes instead of using this label as a tool I can instead go to my ferlings of drained and bad.”

    I feel good about expressing feelings instead of judgments! 🙂



  67.  #67Hadassah on November 18, 2010 at 11:51 am

    I feel as though I am taking to this high degree of difficult thing like a champ. One of the OK Cupid guys (adorable, by the way!) asked for my number yesterday. I gave it to him, and he texted me and we had a cute little texting convo last night.

    Then he texted me this morning asking how my day was going. Um WOW. It doesn’t take much to impress me, because I thought that was just the cat’s meow. My ex bf NEVER did that.

    He asked if I would go out with him this weekend, and I thought about it. It was tempting, but I just want to relax. Even though I was glad to break things off with my ex last weekend, I was still kind of bummed he didn’t fight for the relationship or me, and I was a bit sad. I just was planning on having this weekend to chill and enjoy the start of my vacation.

    So I told him that “I can’t this weekend, but that I can pencil him in next week ;)” he said oh that’s great. What do you want to do? Before, I probably would have given suggestions. Instead, I asked what he had in mind. He suggested drinks, a movie, or bowling. I LOVE bowling but haven’t been since I was 20 and in college. So I told him exactly that. He seemed pleased, and I like the fact that he came up with it, but wants to do what I want to do. Bonus!

    And I am supposed to meet up with Mr. Romantic Cop next week for coffee at some point. So excited. Not reading into anything, not having expectations, just going to enjoy myself. 🙂

    Know what is definitely addicting? This website. It’s like crack.



  68.  #68Daria on November 18, 2010 at 11:54 am

    To me low self esteem hmm applies to when I dint put myself First and am scared to say no to what I don’t want. I feel good with this judgement for myself. U don’t feel triggered by the low self esteem words. I trust very much that I have extremely high self esteem deep down where it counts.

    I still get challenged and practice constantly – accepting help from men I just met to have me stat overbite felt vet challenging to going into not worthy etc. I did it tho! I did it real well! High five!

    Lucy whatsup… U don’t think u have low self esteem regarding this situation? I think you do. I think yourenot putting yourself first. In the way you’re approaching it not in your decisions. So if u do think u have it .., well Fuc’k what I think. But if you don’t, and it feels bad, well that’s oktoo… So what … Keep on stepping and healing.

    I have no q in my mind that putting lingerie pics online for me is not about low self esteem… And yes I do have a thought that for many women it would be.., not for me. Like I will stand here and claim my high self esteem and it will just Show. Period point blank. Those who font see it… Suck it. Fu’ck them and I don’t want that in my life.



  69.  #69Daria on November 18, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Ugh I still feel annoyed by that defensive as’s sounding to e. Whine wah whine . I feel angry. I’m not here to read bullshit. I feel mad. I don’t like stuff explained to me I don’t like gearing stuff I feel untrusting of, line sorry you feel bad.

    I feel like exploding you. I don’t want fuc’kin explaining! Fu”ck!

    I don’t want defensiveness… Shut if u feel mad just fy’ckin say so! Ugh



  70.  #70Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    This man is doing nothing wrong to me. He’s just not hittigy button. What he says does not tickle goddess pussy and won’t be avceptedat my temple.

    His right to his beliefs stands.., and my accepting only what feels good will easily drip him off ustapping him from me Ina skydive where I’m the only one w a parachute.



  71.  #71Mercedes on November 18, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Daria: Are you okay? I feel like I’ve watched you change so much over the last few months. I know the “old” Daria would’t call other women names or accuse them of low self esteem or any other judgements. And especially wouldn’t get quite so defensive outside of her own personal riff (something I admired about you). That seems different now. I’m just checking…serious question…are you okay?

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  72.  #72Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    Haddasah – you go girl! That’s awesome!



  73.  #73Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Mercedes – yes the new Daria is talking more freely and possibly offensively for awhile. She’s doing the unleash the drama queen movement. Daria feel very pleased with this. She feels like she’s expanding. My guess is her new expansion will also come w new skills of how to compassionately communicate later… But for now it’s Fu*ck anybody who has a problem with mike laary.



  74.  #74Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    I don’t feel mad, I feel annoyed, which I did say so.

    As far as your judgment of my self-esteem, I am feeling frustrated about that, for two reasons. 1. Rori said not to judge on here, and 2. I don’t understand why you think that, and it frustrates me to not understand. And I guess maybe I feel frustrated that it seems like you have not been hearing me and seeing me. I guess it feels bad to not feel seen and heard and yet to be judged.

    It feels bad to be told I am not putting myself first, when that is Exactly what I am doing. I feel sort of an incredulous feeling that someone would think that.

    I had let it go, but now that I am seeing it mirrored with you and this guy, I felt maybe it was an opportunity for you to see something you hadn’t before. Apparently I was wrong.

    I guess I also feel very curious about this “not putting myself first” thing that you are perceiving. If that is true of me, I would like to see it. But so far, I don’t. Not at all. I feel perplexed by it, in fact. How is deciding what I really want “not putting myself first”?

    And I am sincere in my statement that I am sorry you feel drained. It feels weird to have that questioned.



  75.  #75Mercedes on November 18, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Ok…just making sure. The other day though someone asked what the problem was around here and you said it was “Katarina, Jacqueline and Mercedes”…you might have to add your name to the list if you keep it up much longer. LOL…Just Kidding! 🙂

    (But as I’m sure you’re aware, that style of communication could really hurt and/or trigger others…something I always have to watch out for as well)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  76.  #76Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Also everything Daria says is her own personal riff. And Daria fed defensive being accused of defensiveness. Daria is discovering draining bullshit that she previously didn’t notice was draining her! This is greasy,

    Daria feels mistrust bei g asked is she ok. She’s always ok tho of course she was just homeless fir a couple days and hasnt had much money.

    Daria feels angry being asked is she ok? Are u gonna help her? Donations would help, paypal to
    Magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com

    Roar. Don’t play w ne grasshopper I don’t give a Fuc’k.

    Squishy yum YUm will eat u



  77.  #77Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Mercedes – Oh I hear you! Yes let’s take u off that as temporarily you seem softer.

    The problem here u’s a dangerous mountain lion named Daria stalks this island

    Roaaar



  78.  #78Mercedes on November 18, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    I won’t help with donations because I don’t believe in that too much (unless the donation is going to youth education through a respected entity…then I’m usually on board) but I am offering to help by listening. I know you struggle trusting that, but it’s true.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  79.  #79Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Mercedes – the problem I was experiencing was the classic I don’t want to use feeling messages on blog ( and thus come off masculine and get into masculine debates)

    Fortunately me as the mountainloion feel comfortable ripping my prey and devouring it without much debate



  80.  #80Mercedes on November 18, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Please keep my name on the list. It will save time later…



  81.  #81Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Ah believe me any funds sent to magic goddess go directly to youth education through an entity I very much respect: me.

    No need to explain any non donations .., I am not actually asking for some, just saying I’d be happy to receive them.

    Do I need listening ? Hmm … I feel unsure. I feel pretty listened to as I express myself here…

    Feeling very angry and cold am on alert. Is raining on siren island and I am in the bushes on my last leg of antelope meat. The hunt is good after the rain. I feelazy and tired. Mm… Rolls over on leaves… Feeling angry and tight in my left hindquarters…hmm. I love my power strength fierceness

    Live my sadness and fluffyness and cute belly and eye ness.



  82.  #82Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Scribbles Mercedes on list preemptively… Pauses with a look of contemplation… Then in a quick munchy swoop muffles list and devours it. Pleased smile… Switches tail



  83.  #83Simply Shannon on November 18, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Just ten minutes ago I texted my friend
    “how are you?” and I thought how lame am I? It sounded cheesy in my head but I couldn’t think what else to say so I sent it. How odd to come here and be presented with a convo about that exact same thing. Randomness!

    “I’m thinking of you” would probably have been better I guess. Makes it feel less like I’m asking for a reply, e.g. controlling the outcome. Ohh… maybe “I feel interested in your day today” or “I feel hopeful your day is going well”. Hmm… neither of those are ringing my bell.

    I lean forward with my friends, not overfunctioning (although I have done that) but contacting first.



  84.  #84Daria on November 18, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    I love Irish spell check! Makes my language sin much more flavorful



  85.  #85Simply Shannon on November 18, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Mercedes, 76 – “save time”… how efficient of you! 😉 LOL!



  86.  #86Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Boohoohoo. The radio just played the song that always reminds me of a certain somebody …. boohoo. waaa. 🙁



  87.  #87Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    I hate when this happens… now he is stuck in my head again. I’m working on my writing, with the radio playing, and this activity does not shut out thoughts like that. I feel so sad about not having the relationship I want. 🙁



  88.  #88Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    I must say that I feel very sexy in my new jeans (yes, Jennifer, the ones that are too tight 🙂 ). They are easy to dance in and look pretty good, I think. They have these subtly feminine buttoned back pockets. The style is called “Spy,” which is appropriate for the stalker in me. (Anyone besides me embarrassed by the new little banner at the top of your fb homepage?? :O )



  89.  #89Hadassah on November 18, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    @Lucy 84 – OH NO. NOW what has FB changed??



  90.  #90Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Oh, it’s gone now! Hadassah, I just checked fb again, and the banner is gone. It said something like, “See what TN man, WH, and your other friends are up to right away. Make fb your homepage.” And it had their pics plus my sister’s pic in the banner, so it was obvious they automatically picked the three ppl whose page you looked at the most!!! And I felt embarrassed bc I didn’t know I looked at theirs more than anybody else’s!!!



  91.  #91Ragnell on November 18, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Ok, let me try.

    1. How does it feel to feel like I need him and want him so much?

    It feels like being taken over by a force stronger than me. It feels like some worries are being taken away: I don’t have to think about many things, I only need to focus on him. And the constant thought of him makes me warm and happy.

    It only feels bad when I feel this need and want and he is absent.

    2. Do I REALLY need him and want him so much? Is that true?

    I can do without him, but it’s not the same. I can deal, I can bear it, but even if I move on and live a life without him, the thought of him is still there in the back of my mind. I can do without him, but I’d rather have him in my life.

    3. How does it feel to hang on like this? What am I getting out of hanging on?

    I am getting a sense of belonging to him. I feel safe with him. It’s like that song by Chantal Kreviazuk, “it feels like home”. I don’t care if I lose myself in him. I’ve waited for so long…

    4. What would happen if I just let go completely and threw myself into Circular Dating and building a great life for me?

    No. There is no “great life for me” without him. I’d rather be alone that with anyone who’s less than him. He’s the one I’ve prayed for, and he’s finally here.

    Circular Dating feels like I’m escaping from him, from our destiny together, from my happiness. I would let him go if he does not want to be with me, but I won’t seek someone to replace him. I’d rather be alone.

    5. What is he giving me that makes this pain worthwhile?

    Home. Love. A sense of belonging. Pride in being his. Lessons learned every moment with him.



  92.  #92Hadassah on November 18, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Every time they “update” something, it makes me want to stop using it, lol



  93.  #93Ragnell on November 18, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    And lol, Daria misbehaving again. What a troll!



  94.  #94RTCathy on November 18, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    I feel so stupid having given myself to BMW man – he seems very sociopathic, just out for himself and playing games, I always overfunction around him. This co dependent theme of Rori’s is a good one for me to learn from. He hasn’t contacted me all day and he just text me to say hes “been to the pub – do I want him to come to and with me? and whisper sexy goodnight.” I dont even know what that means so I text him back to say “I feel happy to talk and maybe whisper goodnight” – then he didnt ring so I rang him (I know I shouldnt) and it went straight to answer machine. So I couldnt leave it there and text him to say I was confused that he didnt answer?

    This is what he is like all the time- i wont hear from him now but I will walk around the house for the rest of the night with the phones in my hand just in case – I feel so needy and I want some attention from him damn it – I feel hopeless because leaning back doesnt work because he doesnt care!

    I did lean back the other night when I spent the night and he spent it watching the rugby – i sat back in the chair never touched him, never spoke, eventually went to bed and when he came in later told him I was sad. Nothing! He is pulling away and I feel every wrench! But I cannot end it because as per the first post, I feel something when I am with him, but its torture when I am not.

    I need to find some other CD’s to help me get stronger then I can get away.



  95.  #95Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Hmmm. Help wanted for this one.

    Remember that pof guy who was really clever and fun with me right off the bat and I liked him and thought he looked cool? (told me to clean my room, etc.)

    Well, he had stopped as quickly as he started, and I forgot about him. (it had only been a few short notes, over a few days)

    Well, I just got a pof msg from him: “You are adorable…..what’s not to like?”

    It’s been two weeks since the last msg. I am thinking he forgot he wrote me before!! Sure sounds like it!!

    Should I write, “I feel weird”?

    Or should I just let him start over?



  96.  #96tinque on November 18, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    How about, “I feel surprised to hear from you.”
    xxoo



  97.  #97Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Thanks, Tinque, I didn’t think of that! lol And it’s a true statement. 🙂



  98.  #98Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Oh, but will it make him feel defensive?

    Or that doesn’t matter bc I’m not supposed to care about his feelings?



  99.  #99tinque on November 18, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Nope it doesn’t matter, and if he’s that defensive over what sounds to me like a benign question, then ew.
    xxoo



  100.  #100Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Okay, done. I wrote, “I’m pleasantly surprised to hear from you. 🙂 “



  101.  #101RTCathy on November 18, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    I cant stop thinking about him long enough to go to sleep, man crack, running things through my head – when I said I was looking forward to seeing him on Friday he said “treat em mean, keep em keen” referring to his coldness towards me this week. i feel like saying “treat em mean, watch em leave” but I dont have the guts to follow it up with actually leaving.



  102.  #102Daria on November 18, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    RTCathy – definitely more CDs will help babe.

    Also something that helped me was to realize I am never upset for what’s going on now ( especially missing a man desperately ) . It’s always a feeling triggered from the past.

    This helps me get a balloon perspective on it.., I’m realty upset because this reminds me of some situation with my dad! Wow. I love myself and me in that situation.

    This helps me be more aware in the moment.

    Can you think of what past situation you felt similarly? You don’t have to find one, just realize that the desperate Feelings are triggered now, but they’re yours, and you first felt them in the past, not now. Now they’re just being brought up again … And making different choices now will heal the old stuff too.., Babysteps



  103.  #103Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    I just lost one with my phone boundary. And I don’t care. I feel happy that I don’t care.

    Pof IM convo…..

    Both: Blah blah blah (pleasant conversation)

    Him: tell u what…here’s my home number…. id love to talk to you….call me when you get a free moment?

    (more pleasant convo, cross-posting a bit so I didn’t directly answer the phone question yet…)

    Him: can we just set the wedding date now Lucy?

    Me: hahaha 🙂

    Him: actually it was the opening line to your about me that hooked me

    Blah blah blah

    Him: i’ll let you get back to your blog….hope i hear from you!

    Me: do you text?

    Him: my cell does of course…. xxx-xxx-xxxx. the first one i gave u was my landline

    Me: ok. i hate talking on phone but don’t mind texting

    Him: yeah but i need to hear your voice at least for a couple minutes!

    Me: well you can hear it if we decide to meet

    Him: you formulate an entirely different opinion of someone the minute you hear their voice…
    i know but i can tell in the first minute if im going to like somone from their voice

    Me: can you tell by their singing voice?

    Him: ummm…no lol

    Me: too bad

    Him: why do u have a recording youd like me to hear?

    Me: on my phone i have a voice note of me singing “lover’s lullaby” i coulda sent

    Him: ok send it

    Me: i woulda sent it if it coulda taken the place of calling

    Him: wow, i cant believe you are this shy about talking on the phone

    Me: see, then maybe you don’t need to talk to me and can know already that you don’t like me 🙂

    Him: right. see ya Lucy… good luck.

    Me: k bye

    (he closed window)

    Lol. I love me.



  104.  #104RTCathy on November 18, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Daria – You are right – I am reliving these dark desperate feelings from other times, past times. Now I am going to feel them and make the choice to lean back – thank you, that helps – getting that perspective is precious – going to copy that to remind me!



  105.  #105RTCathy on November 18, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    I was trying to identify the feeling but Daria had it right on – its desperation! its funny that someone hundreds of miles away can do that so succinctly and it feels better to recognise it and the fact that its about something already past.

    Crikey Lucy – that felt a bit abrupt him just closing like that – you seem not attached to the outcome – it’s his loss.



  106.  #106Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    I hate how I feel so good with/about the men who are not stepping up and/or who are not a good match for me.

    They make me feel so good!!!

    I want to feel that with a man who wants a romantic relationship with me and is a good match.



  107.  #107Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    Yeah, it was abrupt, Cathy! I don’t care bc he obviously isn’t the right man for me.



  108.  #108Brenda on November 18, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Hi Lucy,

    I think he was a jerk for giving up so easily…but I don’t understand why you were being so difficult about a simple phone call? I would have felt weird at the least if I had been a man in that situation. It’s not like he was asking you to kiss him.



  109.  #109Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    Oooh, Brenda, wow, I feel wide-eyed and smiley…

    “…you were being so difficult…”

    Sounds like my mom, and an NV that I hear sometimes. In fact, I said to TN man, in our 3some convo, “I feel bad that I am being difficult.”

    Of course, he did not see me as “difficult” at all. It was just my NV.

    “It’s not like he was asking you to kiss him.”

    I would prefer to kiss a man than talk to him on the phone. 🙂

    “I would have felt weird at the least if I had been a man in that situation.”

    The men I am attracted to never feel the need for a phone convo before meeting. Hmm, that’s actually an interesting observation! They actually don’t even mention it at all! I wonder why that is.

    I love me. I don’t like talking on the phone, especially with people I have never met. I put myself first. I don’t worry about his feelings. I do what’s best for me, what I feel good about.

    Threesomes, maybe. Phone calls, no. 🙂

    I feel free and happy saying no to what I don’t want.



  110.  #110Daria on November 18, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Hmm I think that last line could be replaced with :
    “Push! I’m not good enuf and neither are you!”



  111.  #111Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    P.S. I don’t think he was a jerk at all. He was taking care of his needs, I was taking care of mine. Our needs just don’t match, that’s all.



  112.  #112Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    What last line, Daria?



  113.  #113Brenda on November 18, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Lucy,

    I feel a lil shocked. it feels to me like saying, “I want to meet the man of my dreams, but I don’t want to ever go on dates.” HUH??

    I wouldn’t expect to meet a man without talking on the phone. I wouldn’t want to meet a man myself without talking on the phone. I wouldn’t expect a man to seriously propose to me unless I dated him first. I wouldn’t expect a man to ask me on a date unless I talked to him on the phone.

    Do what you want, but it feels weird to hear you say that, like shooting yourself in the foot. What do you think/feel?



  114.  #114Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    “I wouldn’t expect a man to ask me on a date unless I talked to him on the phone.”

    Then we have different expectations, and that influences what we receive.

    Almost all the dates I have gone on, as I said, were not preceded by a phone call. I prefer it that way, and so do the men I like.

    The few times I have talked to a man on the phone first, those were the worst dates, and the ewwiest-feeling men.

    I find that the really sharp, smart, together men don’t feel any need or desire for a phone call first.

    That’s my experience. Your mileage may vary, as SLV says.



  115.  #115Jeannette on November 18, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    I know this is a little off the beaten path…but has anyone ever had any experience with panic attacks? My son is dealing with them right now…just out of the blue. Has been to the E.R. twice in the last week.



  116.  #116Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    Hi Jeannette. My sister has had some. I thought I had one once, but it turned out to be a symptom of what was later dx’d as ovarian cancer. (Not saying your son has cancer!!!)



  117.  #117Daria on November 18, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    omg… this boy is off the hook!!! so funny !

    this (19 man) is what he wrote backk to my reply which ended in Fu*ck you (see above if interested):

    “Your just tryna get me mad, fuc*ks my favorite curse word, and I’m not gonna let it happen. You need to respect that I care and like you enough to state my opinion. You’ve disrespected me. You gonna have to make it up to me, and I don’t except sex as an apology!”

    LOL!!!

    this one is fun as all hell



  118.  #118Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    That’s funny, Daria. 🙂



  119.  #119Brenda on November 18, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    Jeannette,

    What are the symptoms and circumstances surrounding the panic attacks? Is it both physical and emotional? Is he having suicidal thoughts? How old is he?



  120.  #120Daria on November 18, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    and now he finally writes back to my original 2nd message:

    Me original ps:

    “Ps – part of what I enjoy is to shatter prejudices and belief systems by presenting something with a certain appearance as a test of who can See. The ones who don’t at first then are shocked to find appearances are misleading.

    Check: Eshu-elegua, Pomba Gira ”

    Him:

    “That’s how I know your a unique and special kind
    of woman!

    PS: XXpersonal family infoXX, I decided to tell you because your always speaking of the Orishas. You have to know me a whole lifetime to know me vastness of me”

    Me: “thank you for the compliment… feels goo
    d to read…

    ps – 😉 I already knew that about XX

    pps – miss you”

    yay



  121.  #121Renee on November 18, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Fourth day on new AD — have been experiencing some rather worrisome blood pressure spikes following each dose, but they were slightly less today than yesterday, so the dr gave me the clearance to increase my dose from 20mg to 30mg (in divided doses)…40mg is usually considered the minimum therapeutic dose, so the goal is to get to that dose by next week, but I think I’m starting to feel some positive effects after the increase in dose today…subtle, but definitely something feels a little different. Occasionally, people start to feel significant benefits at 30mg…maybe I’ll be lucky and be one of those 🙂 . Here’s hoping things will keep looking up from here!



  122.  #122Renee on November 18, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Jeannette — I had horrible panic attacks in my 20’s…turns out for me, they were due primarily to a huge intake of caffeine throughout the day, especially when that following a late night out of high alcohol intake while partying. I subsequently gave up caffeine altogether for several years and they went away…hoping things turn out well for your son!



  123.  #123Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    Sounds hopeful, Renee. 🙂



  124.  #124Brenda on November 18, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Rori’s eletter today on the stop climbing tool really helped me get Ryan in perspective better than ever! Love it! And I’m already on the right track.

    Jobhunting my little butt off tonight. Love you all!



  125.  #125Darling Ella on November 18, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Hmm…I feel numbed…:(

    Why did Carole had to spell the “bees” about me??? Besides the “sapphire” story…the story feels so close to the bone …

    Wine is soothing…it comforts me…maybe a bubble bath will add to it…Tears??? Where are u??? Oh, u hiding…I know u are about to burst…:( I feel u…my pulse…my chest…my throat…

    Oh..and what’s with the headache??? or heartache???…Hmm…I don’t feel the difference…not tonite…:(



  126.  #126Katnina on November 18, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Hello, Sirens! I am very new to Rori’s work and i would love some advice from all of you on which of her programs will be most appropriate for my situation (wish I could buy them all but not in my budget at this time). I bought the e-book two weeks ago and Rori’s writing really resonates with me, I am learning so much already!
    Here are the basics: I’m 29 and i want my Happy Ever After. I’ve been in 3 imaginary relationships in the past year, after splitting with my boyfriend of 5 years (we grew apart and I couldn’t see myself marrying him, but I did learn a lot about what I do and don’t want in a relationship), prior to him I had 2 significant boyfriends and 4-5 imaginary relationships. The very last imaginary relationship is what brought me here, so thank you mr fireman for the message that I need to get out of my head and into my heart!
    I am very rational and for a long time have felt much safer stuffing my feelings and walling myself off from real connection. One of my friends once joked that I am like a robot when I am in work mode. It hurt, but I can see what she meant. In the past i was scared of the power of my emotions and I felt uncomfortable and scared of overwhelming a man with the intensity of my feelings (unleashing the drama queen).
    I’ve started circular dating and am rereading the ebook and working on the exercises in it, letting myself feel and journaling about my feelings and slowly allowing myself to open up, stopping myself from overfunctioning, etc.
    I want to learn more tools that will help me feel more connected to a man-to baby step my way to emotional intimacy, which is something I long for but am terrified of-and looking back, i have often substituted sex for emotional intimacy-I guess I am afraid that I will be rejected if I allow myself to be emotionally vulnerable so I avoid it completely?
    Which program do you recommend I start with, and why? Thank you all very much, i feel very inspired by everyone here!!
    Katnina



  127.  #127Lucy on November 18, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    I haven’t read the eletter yet. I’m saving it for when I’m in bed not able to sleep tonight.

    Where is everybody else tonight???



  128.  #128Brenda on November 18, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    They’re all on hot dates!



  129.  #129Daria on November 18, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    not i…

    I feel sad…

    i had a much awaited date with sexy Cd tonite…

    and he said he was going to keep checking with me until that time

    because he knows how my situation was the past few days

    and he did…

    until the time he got off work – i was in the shower – i had a missed call from him

    and nothing since

    i didnt return his call

    I felt SO ANXIOuS

    i thought that he would want me to return his call

    and felt anxiety

    and didn’t call

    because

    i don’t want to feel that way

    and i don’t want to have to do that

    BUT

    it’s still triggering me

    so… still practicing

    so much the ‘other stuff’ no longer triggers me… and thus i dont feel anxious and don’t even notice ‘issues’

    but this triggered me

    therefore the manifesting vibe got all effed up

    and

    its been 30 min since we were supposed to meet

    i feel sad

    and disappointed

    AND

    i even had another man texting

    but he hasnt followed up either right now

    sigh

    so here i am…

    with orange nailpolish on my toes

    that is good =)

    i can even do my fingers

    i feel dissapointed

    and now my dad came home and i said hi first

    i can’t decide whehter i feel better saying hi first or waiting for him

    my thought is that he wants me to say it first

    wow mirror to this earlier issue hmm

    anyway i did and i ddint really enjoy his tone as he said hi back

    i ahvent seen him since 3 days ago, ive been upstairs

    still havent seen him

    feeling sad

    mom just came home

    feeling sad

    i love my sadness

    i love my disappointment

    it feels like heavyness in my chest sinking

    and pouty tight squeezed jaw

    i love my pouty tight squeezed jaw

    and heavyness in my chest

    and that feels like

    sadness

    “you’ll never get the sexy ones treating you right”

    wah

    flick with my middle finger

    hehe

    that feels amusing

    i love my smile
    and that feels like

    yawning

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    sinking heavy heart

    i love my sinking heavy heart

    and that feels like

    more sinking heavy heart

    i love my sinking heavy heart

    ad that feels like

    yawn

    i love my yawn and that feels like

    pinching on right of sinking heavy heart

    i love my pinching on the right

    i love my heavy sinking heart

    and that feels like

    biiig yawn

    i love my big yawn

    and that feels like

    huhumf

    i love my huhumf

    and that feels like

    sinking heavy heart

    i love my sinking heavy heart and that feels like

    yawn

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    aha uh

    i love my aha

    uh

    and that feels like

    beating heart

    i love my beating haeart and that feels like

    big yawn

    i love my big yawn and that feels like

    dragging down cheeks and shoulders

    i love my dragging cheeks and shoulders

    and that feels like

    yawn

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    heavy heart, numbness

    i love my heavy heart, numbness

    and that feels like

    yawn

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    ahuh

    i love my ahuh

    and that feels like

    turning my head from side to side

    i love my turning my head from side to side

    and that feels like

    yawn
    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    more turning my head and uhuh
    i love my turning my head and uhhuh

    and that feels like

    more head leaning

    i love my head leaning and that feels like

    yawn

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    getting totally distracted rubbing oil on my face and thinking about what 19 was saying, checking my texts

    haha

    and i love my distractedness, my oil rubbing, my imagining and my text checking

    and that feels lliek hehe



  130.  #130Simply Shannon on November 18, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Lucy, Threesome, maybe. Phone calls, no. Hehe! I love it! Brava on boundary. That felt good to read. Yes men who like what I like will not even question my boundary. It will feel normal to them.

    I met a new CD for lunch today. Kind of cute guy, not my normal type of look but handsome. We actually went to the same college (wayyyy back when). He’s the surfer, soccer, lacrosse player, has a beach house, goes to the rich church, knows all the right people, kind of man. But he was really down to earth, and I felt very comfortable with him. The date was only 35 minutes long (due to my work) and the length of time felt great for a first date. As we were leaving, he asked if he could call me. I said that would feel great. About five minutes after I left and was driving home, he called me and asked me out again. 😉 Unfortunately I won’t be able to see him in the evenings until after he gets back from the beach house (a little judging trigger there) for Thanksgiving. So he’s going to see if he can figure out another option. Woot woot.

    And I’m going out with CD#1 again on Saturday morning. When he hadn’t asked me out by Wednesday, I made plans for Friday night with my girlfriend to go see hockey. I think it surprised him that I already had plans. Now he’s all about nailing down the time for Saturday to make sure we have a date. LOL!

    Yeah me!



  131.  #131girliegirl on November 18, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    I feel anxy, my LI is online but not saying hi so I did first since it’s been a while I ever initiated a contact. He said hi back and said he missed me. I said ditto and then he said he can’t wait to see me next week. I said ditto again. Trying to be cool and not talking too much. Then nothing. I feel like talking more but now I feel I should mirror him. Aarrghhh…I hate this overanalyzing in my head. Now he logged off and didn’t even say bye. I feel slighted and even anxier. aaarrrghhhh…I hate this game. why are men so okay without talking for days when we are not together? they’re such a pan in the a$$.



  132.  #132The Nikita Show on November 18, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    I like cd #2 🙂



  133.  #133girliegirl on November 18, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    and he’s signed back in…ughh…I feel like screaming…what’s going on??? why don’t you want to know how I am or what I’ve been doing? I feel frustrated he doesn’t care because I do want to ask him all kinds of question but I feel doubtful in case they aren’t welcome. why is he so distant when we are apart but so tender and doting when we are together? I feel furious that I even compulsively think about this while he perhaps doesn’t even care or too busy/distracted to think about me when we’re apart. He says he does a lot but I wonder. how do I heal this?



  134.  #134girliegirl on November 18, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    Rori, do you think that’s normal that some guys don’t like to call you when we are not together but we are so into each other when we are? I read somewhere if he’s really into you he will call everyday but he says he doesn’t like talking on the phone too much. shouldn’t he want to contact me more just to know how I am? we’ve been seeing each other the last 3 months and we meet once-twice a week and almost every weekend. he’s very warm and gentle and affectionate when we’re together. I feel confused and kinda impatient now. If I lean back and he doesn’t step up, what should I do? I really like him and also date other guys but no one really compares to him. I feel scared too I’m just wasting my time. Is 3 motnhs really that early?



  135.  #135girliegirl on November 18, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    ohhh…funny thing is Rori, as I wrote this I felt so much better and even forgot he was online and ignoring me hehe… at least my hyperactive mind got distracted. I wish I could be more distracted and not caring about him at all. again, I’d love your opinion on why men don’t like to maintain contact so much. Is this conflicting signal he’s giving? I really want to know what’s going on in his mind.



  136.  #136Daria on November 18, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    my parents have been getting along great yesterday (when i came back) and today

    like all giggling and talking with each other and going to sleep together at the same time

    wow!

    YAY!



  137.  #137Daria on November 18, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    yay Shannon!



  138.  #138girliegirl on November 18, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    and now I signed off..phew that felt like yay…I wooonnnn! i didn’t even care to say goodbye. now you know how that feels…or probably not! hehe… I do feel kinda triumphant that I didn’t engage him further and chose to sign off with ease.



  139.  #139girliegirl on November 18, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    I guess it does feel therapeutic to write how you feel instead of just processing or keeping it inside. thanks for the blog, Rori.



  140.  #140Daria on November 19, 2010 at 12:40 am

    I feel sad.., sexy cd not showing up today has me feeling sad with stories of list live and men leaving me in my stories.., and I don’t want that, as touching and deep as it I’d, as beautiful the music might sound for the village girl who glimpses the handsome stranger just once and pines for him forever

    I don’t want that… I feel glad to write this because the words come clearer now with the pictures and story

    Pines no I don’t want that

    I choose to heal my depressed optessed village girl

    I choose to have her live herself so much, that pining falls away like all addictions

    Here’s where I get triggered by lucy, my pining figure

    I feel sad… I want her to live herself and feel fulfilled – the village girl – and I feel scared to say what that would look like. That would feel like being happy and free.,, that would feel like singing in the morning, and at night. That would feel like joy in doing what she wants. That would feel like her heart being open, not just acflash to a stranger ..,

    Always open, always receiving energy and reversing over

    Runnerh over her heart runnneth over. That would feel like relaxed eyes, like warm chest, like free and liquid limbs, like heavy warm pelvis.

    That would feel like live from her dad, what about, from her inner dad, her inner man. That would feel good.

    Ferling abandoned and unloved by my dad I see.

    I choose to feel loved and honored protected and worshipped.., and that would feel like excitement for tomorrow, joy in seeing my dad tomorrow, safety, excitent for my new ideas and expressions….

    That would look like feeling safe provided for and treated special. That would look like special presents for me, and kind words for me, and talks and curiosity about my interests. That would look like admiration for me and my decisions fir awe for my discernment and bravery.

    That would look like me being talked to in the kind tone that the cat gets.

    I feel so sad.

    I choose to have this. I choose and intend to feel good and lived and safe and admired. I choose to believe fullbfirce ivdeserve it without earning a thing, even if honey or others don’t believe it for themselves or for me.

    I choose to know how to give myself all the live and care I need And open to receiving it from my own self and the world.

    I choose to feel happy, all the time.

    I choose to disprove that you can’t be happy all the time. I choose to Be happiness Be love.

    I choose to feel the thrill of being chosen, of being picked up by the limo , of being the one they ride all the way out of town to get, to go to the function. I choose to be the one they want there, the one they font forget , the one they miss. I choose to be the one they respect and admire, the one the whole group wants to be there.

    And that would feel so fuc*kin exciting and like my heart is gonna swell till I’m smiling and smiling in my face Big, and the cool night airbus on my face and the streetlights reflect in myeyes and I feel smooth like a panther and powerful and fluid. And energetic buyoed and warmed connected in a big heartfkame and powerful…. And thrilled like yes and feet stomping and excitement to rush out and get in the car w my brothers who are waiting for me and they yell out d and hug ne and talk loud and funny and cool and they want me to be there and I feel important and wanted and powerful. And my brother apologizes sincerely about my iPod and gives me something important to replace it, something I even feel pleased with. And the guywhohadababy is there and I feel his attraction to me and the cold nite on my face makes me feel like I am one of the fee humans on the planet honored to live so cool.

    And that’s how it goes and I feel happier and happier each day, and my magic grows stronger and I fulfill my desires each moment.



  141.  #141Daria on November 19, 2010 at 12:54 am

    I can see a similarity between how I felt happy when guywhohadababy gave me attention and nit, and my father. Like the thought was, ad I live here with my dad, and I thunk, I would be having success w guywhohadababy w my new goddessness, but what if he withdrew and I felt unsafe just like with my dad.

    What if I didn’t know if I should say hi first? Thus really makes me think I shouldn’t sat it to my dad hmm..,

    But I kno he wants me to, but so what hmmm u feel afraid,
    Afraid if I don’t say it i will get attacked, it won’t be said to me first.., blah

    I don’t like feeling attacked, criticized, afraid hmmm

    What if it was like this with guywhohadababy I would feel lonely and desperate , I see how overfunctioning could get a role here..,

    Umph..,

    I dontvwanr that so just ignore him till he comes near? Focus on my energy… Not even the energy of fear

    Hmm

    What if it was guywhohadababy hella withdrawn, guywhohadababy criticizing me, expecting me to say hi when he got home, making all the money.,, hmm

    That would feel bad I feel so abandoned powerless and confused

    Umph

    Ibferl afraid

    Do I just live me right, and maybe start my paintings, and Fu*ck him till he shows up in my life for real, nit with trigger fear tension that I feel when he gets home.

    Instead with interest, hellos and hugs and kisses, with presents conversation, interest kindness support.

    That would feel good, that would Geronimo like boundless energy and joy, playfulness, happiness,

    I want that. Angels please help me … Thank you. I choi
    IDE tongeal thus quickly and in a feel good way completely.

    Yip it feels scary I choose it anyway all healed thank you.



  142.  #142The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 1:27 am

    Pixie dust…. Sweet dreams Daria ….nite village girl – *** more fairie dust 😉 $****$$ & ****£ove nikita*



  143.  #143Tina on November 19, 2010 at 1:34 am

    I went on a date last night with next door neighbor. We went out to eat and saw a movie. I had an ok time , I dont feel sexually attracted to him at all. “karaoke buddy Big C” asked me out for a drive and a coffee tonight, he bought lol. We came back to my place, he fiddled around with my computers and got me some new programs god bless Big C 🙂 he was busy working away on my desktop and I went downstairs with my laptop and started watching vids. He did eventually come downstairs to check on me 🙂 yeah. We watched a vid together and he announced he was tired and going home, I said ok goodnight and smiled at him, He said ok well, I want to give you a hug, he gave me a hug and we of course start making out on my bed. He just left like 5 mins ago lol wow big C thanks for a the makeout session. He said before he left he’ll message me and go do coffee again, lol. Iv’e known him for two years and never thought this would turn out so um yummy. Karaoke buddy Big C man he-he oh yeah. I’m 44 he is 28 🙂 Do I want more than just a friends with benefits situation with him, probably not. This is weird for me because we were just friends hanging out, he would pop in, we go out, whatever, sometimes he’s here until 6am whatever on the weekends, I just never thought much of him, so yeah what to do. weeeee! Im feeling excited and all like when is this Big night going to happen, I can wait it out. A winter fling?



  144.  #144Daria on November 19, 2010 at 1:55 am

    I wana be cool like Tina when I grow up.



  145.  #145Daria on November 19, 2010 at 1:56 am

    Thanks Nikita.. Goin to bed… 19 man said do I think I can be rude to him cuz I know he loves me… Hehe



  146.  #146Tina on November 19, 2010 at 2:02 am

    Daria , you are cool NOW :). The thing is I”m not looking to have more children, I dont want to be in a living together situation right now either. So this works for me. I’m exploring, in my own way.



  147.  #147Tina on November 19, 2010 at 2:05 am

    I feel kinda sheepish saying this but tonight I was imagining while I we were kissing what his big C would feel like omg, I’m afraid I might have an orgasm before he completely pentrates me, if he can 🙂



  148.  #148Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 5:20 am

    @76: Mercedes says:
    “Please keep my name on the list. It will save time later…”

    😆 You could add The Red Queen as an honorary member…

    SLV



  149.  #149AmberS on November 19, 2010 at 6:33 am

    SLV-

    Here’s to us both having a really good day *raising red bull can in toast*. It’s FINALLY Friday. Whew.

    Amber



  150.  #150Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 6:40 am

    @136: AmberS says:
    “SLV-
    Here’s to us both having a really good day *raising red bull can in toast*. It’s FINALLY Friday. Whew.
    Amber”

    Good morning, girlfriend. I have never had a “Red Bull.” Do you think I should try one?

    SLV



  151.  #151AmberS on November 19, 2010 at 7:13 am

    SLV-

    I switched over from coffee a few years back and I’ve never regretted it. Nothing like trading one addiction for another. Heh. Lots of B vitamins and taurine PLUS caffeine. Nectar of the gods…

    Hrmmm. Isn’t addiction the subject of this post?



  152.  #152AmberS on November 19, 2010 at 7:22 am

    Today’s message from Zig Ziglar included this link:

    http://www.thelaughtermovie.com/?cm_mmc=CheetahMail-_-FR-_-11.19.10-_-LVACMovie

    not LOL funny, but definitely feel good funny.

    My favorite line:

    Work fascinates me… I can sit and stare at it for hours.

    OK. Back to work. GRIN.



  153.  #153Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 7:29 am

    Daria, I feel curious if you’ve ever done the tool in Rori’s ebook about “what I like and respect about a man” for your dad. I’m asking because I feel unloved by my dad too. His version of love doesn’t look like my version of love. It feels difficult for me to receive what he is giving. I’m going to do that tool this weekend. I intend to really search and acknowledge the ways he shows me love, even if it doesn’t look or feel like love to me. Hoping this will reprogram my brain to his style. I’m sensing that in your post. When you write about what feels good, I see myself categorizing the love by my own definition, e.g. it looks like XYZ (the picture in MY head).

    My dad’s love language is acts of service. My love language is physical and words of affirmation.

    Yeah, we don’t match. At all.

    I’m done trying to retrain the old man. He is who he is. Time to retrain me.



  154.  #154Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 7:31 am

    Oh one more Daria, You mentioned starting your paintings? I’d love to hear about that.



  155.  #155Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 7:33 am

    Tina! Okay I can’t even comment. Big C images in my head. Get out, get out, get out. Ahhh!



  156.  #156Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 7:39 am

    I am harnessing my sexual energy. It feels interesting to me with the not-having of sex, I feel all energized and sensual all the time. It also feel precarious and scary. Like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, and it would only take a strong wind to push me over. My body is radiating this energy out and around. Quite interesting. It would feel good to relinquish the fire but for now I’m channeling it.

    Haha. Reference to channel…

    the simply shannon show wishes to warn all viewers that today’s messages may not be suitable for children under the age of 14. You have been warned.



  157.  #157The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 8:04 am

    SS,

    You a Jedi master now? Morning- I feel coffee deprived. Is that a feeling? No that’s probably an attack….um,…..I feel too lazy to make coffee and that feels sad 🙁 wow. I thought I was just cranky 😉



  158.  #158The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 8:06 am

    I’m 14 ha!

    No parents!!!! Ha!



  159.  #159tinque on November 19, 2010 at 8:20 am

    I’ll make you some coffee…French Roast in the press okay?
    xxoo



  160.  #160Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 8:39 am

    I feel weepy….french press would be soooo much better than my fresh ground…but drip 🙁

    sigh….I used to own a percolator – never had a press tho…… (weep, weep)



  161.  #161tinque on November 19, 2010 at 8:48 am

    Once you’ve pressed, there’s no going back. Love, love, love French press coffee, nothing better. Just hop on the train and come on over Nikita. I’ll have it ready by the time you get here.
    xxoo



  162.  #162Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 8:53 am

    SLV,

    “red bull”

    (((((Don’t Do IT))))))) !!!!

    It is way more expensive than a coffee addiction-unless they are gratis in the corporate kitchen….

    and tooooooo powerful…. very addictive….I’d say more so than coffee…. it’s easier to drink 4 red bulls than 4 coffees….and 4 red bulls creates a lunatic… I turn into hell on wheels (i used to drink them on road trips, when driving for 4-7 hours) craaaay-zaaaaay …..

    Road Beers as we call em’

    have on for shitz and giggles…. get favorite music ready…. and do not be in any co-ed chatrooms LOL



  163.  #163Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 8:55 am

    In Japan they keep red bull behind the counter in the pharmacy and I think France or a few other european countries outlawed them a few years ago (p.s.-I have met THE red bull guy/owner and he is a VERY nice man, so nothing against him) – my info may not be entirely accurate but I chat up lots of foreigners…I mean, it is NYC 🙂



  164.  #164Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 9:03 am

    🙁 Tinque ……you are teasing me! Aren’t you on the west coast??? I can’t hop on train 🙁 POUT!

    …..In other news…… Mercedes is in Seattle….yes? I am very happy for her but, coincidentally I found my first major ARIES Bff online two days ago….I am sooooo friggin StoKed !!!!! – how does this relate?

    Well, She Is ARIES 🙂 AND she is from and lives in Seattle!!!! woohoo! coincidences galore!!! yay! FB has finally redeemed itself- now I can close my account -hehe…. I get a lot of my insight on female Aries from her- seeing her in action was CRAY_ZAAAAY 😀

    she could party all night with the rest of us…..get up…drag me to brunch…..and have painted her ENTIRE living room ceiling before I got out of bed for brunch…… can you say?….Crazy????

    I, the Lovely Lion…need 9 hours of sleep LOL….no, really….and I would marvel at her….my beloved wind-up…energizer bunny…. whew! yay!! I see Seattle in my future !!!! yay!!! FINALLY



  165.  #165AmberS on November 19, 2010 at 9:11 am

    Nikita,

    4 Red Bulls!?!?!?!?! I am imagining you on 4 red bulls and in my head it looks like a silent movie all speed-ed up. ROFL.

    Red Bull may be pricey- but for me it only takes one, except in extreme cases or road trips.

    Road trips… I LOVE road trips! I’m jonesing for a drive all night adventure. Red Bull & sunflower seeds and watching the sun come up over the Grand Canyon…



  166.  #166Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:15 am

    Nikita – re 54

    Lol… yes I know what you mean. Especially about needing to pace yourself with social exposure!

    It feels nice when the guy is waiting on you don’t you think? And even sometimes when they are a bit impatient! I like it…

    But not so fun feeling to rush to get ready!



  167.  #167Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:19 am

    Loneplum re 55

    Thanks!

    I had a lovely date.

    We went for some drinks and then dancing and then he drove me home via a romantic coast road and we stopped to look at the views!

    He opens doors for me and pays for everything.

    Yay – feels good.



  168.  #168Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 9:43 am

    So…. I am exploring my other side by watching Whitney Houston interviews 😉

    She is a Leo and her husband was a Libra –

    “they” say Leo and Libra get together a lot…they both like the good life, lol… and there is some sort of “lock in” connection or something…I, who detest libra men (ok, so I don’t “detest” them), am going to explore this until they don’t trigger me anymore…. because I don’t dislike other signs…I am merely turned-off…but Libras tend to turn me on (one in particular)……and yet I put up all these walls….because I am scared. I am afraid of hooking up with one and ending up like whitney.(not the partying stuff) I am afraid of this Leonine Loyalty that could have me married to a Libra and too prideful or stubborn or devoted to get out…. these are ridiculous fears….. because I am with a taurus but I am Tired of this Libra trigger!!!!

    ok…Back to whitney. 🙂

    p.s. she is scarey loyal…. I see a lot of me in her… when I am “in Love”…that’s it….end of story and I don’t care what happens…. I have stayed longer than I should on one occasion too many *(scorpio, mofo)… hehe



  169.  #169Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:45 am

    Lucy I felt confused reading 97…

    Why don’t you want to talk on the phone?

    I think Rori advises getting off text/IM and onto phone ASAP and then into meeting ASAP.

    Do you not like this approach yourself?

    Also, it looks to me as though you talked yourself out of the running by saying ‘so I guess you already know you don’t like me then!” Huh?

    I feel confused. Why would he not like you? And anyway it is about whether you like him….

    I am sorry if I appear to be making any judgements here however I just get an icky feeling from that converstation like you do not believe in your godess status and that he would be lucky to get your time??

    Could be wrong and feel curious to know more and what you think/feel about that?



  170.  #170Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Lucy

    Ps – I was not infering it was your fault how the convo went!

    Ow I feel defensive/explainy! lol @ me.

    And re 100 – PRACTICE!

    That is what did it for me.. xx



  171.  #171Rori Raye on November 19, 2010 at 9:58 am

    Masculine – Love to you, too…Rori



  172.  #172Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 10:04 am

    The Glory of “Red Bull”

    @138 AmberS
    “Heh. Lots of B vitamins and taurine PLUS caffeine. Nectar of the gods…”

    Maybe I’ll start small and just have a half portion. I wonder if there is sugar-less version?

    @140 Nikita
    “Road Beers as we call em’
    have on for shitz and giggles…. get favorite music ready…. and do not be in any co-ed chatrooms LOL”

    Uh-oh, sounds dangerous. Reminds me of the time in school we all took caffeine tabs for all-nighter cram session, I think it was call No-Doz. Ok, until morning when my heart started pounding and I was seeing double!

    SLV



  173.  #173Ella on November 19, 2010 at 10:16 am

    I feel frightened.

    I feel anxious in pit of my stomach…

    I realise I felt resistance/stubborn with my date (Mr Action man) I told him how I feel and I got angry vibes text back.

    I feel ungrateful bc he had gone and retrieved my lost scarf for me… 🙁

    So now I told him I feel misunderstood and ungreateful!

    I feel vulnerable.

    I feel afraid of being labelled ‘crazy’ woman… it has happened before! 🙁 Ow I feel sad.

    Want to talk to him…

    ………………………………………………………………………..

    Owww, he just text me back and made it all ok again… like wiped the slate clean, my worry gone!

    Wow, saying how I feel worked again! Wow, wow, wow.

    It can change on a dime and men CAN heal us! Who would have thought men are the healers! lol…

    well at least they are today, for now.

    wow, feel excited…

    still lil’ residual trace of anxiety in stomach but went quickly.

    I am very ‘feelingy’ tonight!

    Feel tired and open/fragile today.



  174.  #174Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 10:24 am

    “Brava on boundary. That felt good to read. Yes men who like what I like will not even question my boundary. It will feel normal to them.”

    Thanks, Shannon!! It feels great that you get where I’m coming from!! Yay!!!



  175.  #175Ella on November 19, 2010 at 10:26 am

    You know how we do not say a man makes us feel negative feelings… like we say “I feel sad” rather than “you made me feel sad!”

    Well what about when he makes us feel good. Can we say?

    Ie: “you made me feel better”

    Or is it better to say “I feel better”

    Curious… ??



  176.  #176Ella on November 19, 2010 at 10:34 am

    CD-ing good because lots of men to deal with me when I am feeling ‘feelingy’ instead of lots of pressure on just one man!!

    Ow, I feel so demanding tonight! I want soooo much attention!

    I love my little selfish child who needs attention!



  177.  #177Ella on November 19, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Hello Ella’s CD men?!!

    Where are you… I need attention! lol



  178.  #178Ella on November 19, 2010 at 10:40 am

    Oww, just read my post 170…

    It sounds very judgemental.

    Sorry Lucy. It wasn’t meant to be.

    Was more I just feeling confused/curious about your post re telephone calls as it is so different from my approach…



  179.  #179Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 10:40 am

    I feel better…if he was responsible….say thx 😉

    I feel better, aw….thank you ….muah!



  180.  #180Ella on November 19, 2010 at 10:50 am

    well I am going to take care of myself…

    Feeling very needy right now…

    and very changy!

    Just listened to F*ck You be Cee lo… and it made me all smily… so emotion in that song.

    How I feel to all the men who have left me in my life… F*ck you!

    well might wash up to feel calmer now.

    Want a man today to make me feel cosy/taken care of…

    Well I do that for me anyway.

    Love me.



  181.  #181Ella on November 19, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Nikita –

    yes like that 🙂

    Feels good.



  182.  #182Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Hi Ella,

    I will try to answer your questions. Thank you for asking them!

    I don’t like talking on the phone for a bunch of reasons. I’m not a very auditory person; I’m more visual (incl written word); I get easily distracted while on the phone; it feels unpleasant talking to a disembodied voice; my hand starts to hurt from holding the phone; the communication feels too limited (and boring)… etc. There are probably more reasons, but those are what come to mind at the moment.

    “Rori advises getting off text/IM and onto phone ASAP and then into meeting ASAP. Do you not like this approach yourself?”

    I just skip the phone part, that’s all. Like Shannon said, it feels perfectly normal to the men who “get” me. Most men don’t even mention a phone call with me — they just ask me out via email or text. I’m cool with that, very cool.

    The few men who have wanted a phone call first all turned out to be either ewwy or scary. So I just do what feels good and right for ME.

    “it looks to me as though you talked yourself out of the running by saying ‘so I guess you already know you don’t like me then!””

    I don’t want to be “in the running”! I’m not competing to get a man — they are competing to get ME.

    “Why would he not like you? And anyway it is about whether you like him….”

    My point in saying that was ‘hey, if you only like women who talk on the phone, then I’m not the girl for you and you’re not the guy for me.”

    Yes, it is about whether I like him — and why would I like a man who won’t accept me the way I am???

    “like you do not believe in your godess status and that he would be lucky to get your time”

    Quite the contrary, dear Ella! Since I am a goddess, I don’t talk on the phone if I don’t want to, and I am not afraid to “lose” a man over my boundaries bc I deserve to have what I want and have my boundaries respected and even admired. Yes, he would be lucky to get my time — and unfortunately for him, he wasn’t lucky enough! He’s got to bring more gifts than requirements if he wants this goddess.

    Yes, some call me “difficult” (my mom and a few men), but others call me “spunky” (my dad and most other men).

    Does that help your confusion?



  183.  #183Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 11:03 am

    Ella, no, your comments didn’t feel judgmental to me at all! I just heard a genuine curiosity and confusion. No worries. <3



  184.  #184Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 11:11 am

    I feel so excited to find out that I am playing the role of the pining figure for Daria! That means that once she heals that wound, I will no longer have to play that role! Yay! I feel hopeful and happy and relieved!

    Go Daria!



  185.  #185tinque on November 19, 2010 at 11:12 am

    “Aren’t you on the west coast??? I can’t hop on train”

    Now Nikita, would I tease you? I’m totally serious. Haven’t been on the west coast for over a year. Been in Danbury and just moved to Princeton this week, both an easy train ride away.
    I go for monthly (or so) play days in the city to meet my girl. You are welcome to join us anytime.
    I guess it’s a permanent move, for we’re going back to LA to pack up our house there over Christmas. My stuff. I have missed my stuff.
    So coffee? Offer is still good.
    xxoo



  186.  #186Ella on November 19, 2010 at 11:12 am

    Lucy re 183..

    ha ha.. yes love it!

    That is great and I understand now!

    Brilliant and you are being a Diva.



  187.  #187Laughing Goddess on November 19, 2010 at 11:14 am

    Sexy Lady: oh gosh! I just had a flashback about No Doz.

    When I was in 7th grade, I bought some No Doz and took it to school. A friend asked me for some and ended up with a sore tummy. She went to the nurse and I got suspended for A WEEK…for having No Doz at school.

    It was kinda crazy. My parents weren’t even mad at me because they thought it was ridiculous. Here I was, a good student, getting suspended for having a legal, over the counter medication.

    But ya, it’s narly stuff. I, personally, wouldn’t recommend it or Red Bull. 🙂

    I like my Chai tea with honey and raw milk. Yum!



  188.  #188Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 11:17 am

    oooh Tinque,

    I’d love to meet you in the city (I’ve also been wanting to see a play) but coffee sounds nice…I think I’m 3 hours from Princeton though-(logistics of driving around water) …..

    but I feel a little sad that you are giving up sunny california….for the chilly tri-state….. I feel like making a formal complaint: why wasnt manhattan built in Florida?!!! Grrrr….. I love this icky dirty cold city …. and that feels like…. playing small.. lol!



  189.  #189Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 11:24 am

    “Brilliant and you are being a Diva.”

    Oh yes. 🙂

    I feel happy that you understand now!



  190.  #190Laughing Goddess on November 19, 2010 at 11:24 am

    I do feel a little weird remembering my 7th grade self. Wondering why in the world I would by No Doz at that age. Can we say overachiever? Ewwww

    Ahhh, I love my little overachiever girl. It’s ok. You don’t have to be perfect little girl. You are ok just the way you are.

    Awwww Im giving my little girl a hug. She never knew she was ok just the way she is. She thought she had to be the smartest, the best, to be worthy. And when she wasn’t the best, she felt terribly unworthy. Awwww. I love my little girl self.

    I feel like playing and having fun.



  191.  #191Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Nikita, you shall be beat with a wet noodle for placing “I’ll always… I’ll always… l-l-l-l-love youuuuuuuu” in my head.

    Gosh and No Doz. Now there’s a flashback. The island just went retro 80s for me. Like totally, oh my gawd.

    the simply shannon show will briefly be titled Square Pegs or possibly The Facts of Life.

    Tinque, you’re moving? Permanently?



  192.  #192Masculinewoman on November 19, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Dear Ella

    I am processing your comments about him wiping the slate clean. I am wondering if it is something we should expect so we should be opening to them making mistakes and us making mistakes as well. Will that help us to be more empathetic towards them and to ourselves? Will that set us up in a trap to be taken for granted, mistreated then stuffing down our feelings/expressing our feelings and then it be okay when they wipe the slate clean? Just my analytical stuff coming up here again and letting it out in writing rather than tossing it around in my head as usual.



  193.  #193Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 11:57 am

    oh wet noodle, give it to me noodle-i like it rough…i mean -aherm; droopy and loopy…..feels sooooo erotic….lol….ok…

    that’s enough of me… 😉



  194.  #194Ella on November 19, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Hi Masculine woman,

    Yes I see what you mean… and would not advocate wiping the slate clean if a man’s actions had really hurt me…

    But then I would still feel upset. It would still not be about his actions or ‘punishing’ him but about my feelings and needing to take care of myself.

    In this case I would either keep expressing how I felt or move away from him if it felt too hurtful/damaging.

    If I wanted to stay with him I would process my feelings to release them and then wipe the slate clean… I don’t want to carry heavy emotions anymore than I have to.

    In this case I was refering to my feelings that were nothing to do with him.

    And by expressing them and staying open to him I was able to feel better immediately.



  195.  #195Ella on November 19, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Where is everyone??



  196.  #196tinque on November 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Yes but I have moved, last year. K got a job here on the east coast. He got to fly. I had to drive with my two kitties (who have since passed) and right after having rolled my car on an LA freeway. Not a fun trip.

    It was to be temporary, maybe, so everything was left behind. Now he has an awesome position here in Princeton which looks like may be “the one” which is why were going back to get our things.

    No need to feel sad. I don’t miss LA at all, not the smog, not the browness, not the lack of flora and fauna, not the earthquakes (well I do miss those a bit, but I’ll take a good thunderstorm over those any day), and most definitely not the perpetual traffic.
    It’s all a great adventure. I’m close to the city now where there’s lots of great music, opera, ballet, theater, and there’s plenty of that locally too. I get play days with my friend every month or so.

    The only thing is I miss are good local ballet classes. And Disney Hall/LA Philharmonic.

    xxoo



  197.  #197tinque on November 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    wet noodle? okay not touching that one.
    xxoo



  198.  #198tinque on November 19, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Ella – When it comes to the good feeling feelings, yes by all means you can say HE makes you feel good. Yes, yes, yes. Whenever he does anything that makes you happy, good, safe, go for it.
    xxoo



  199.  #199Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Question for those who are more familiar with setting intentions than I am….

    A couple months ago, I wrote down (on here and on paper), several commitments to myself, along with dates, e.g.,

    “I commit to losing ten pounds by Christmas.”

    I was very excited that I fulfilled the first two commitments, and am well on my way to the weight loss one (only three pounds to go!)…

    but, “I commit to finishing the final draft of my book by Thanksgiving” is looking impossible at this point

    so I feel disappointed and concerned.

    I feel concerned that if I don’t fulfill this commitment on schedule, my manifesting vibe will be completely thrown off and the rest of my commitments will be at risk (including the one about being in the relationship I want!!!)

    Any ideas on a helpful and positive way to view this?

    Thanks!!!



  200.  #200tinque on November 19, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Lucy – Simple. Readjust. Life happens. It’s not always possible to stick to schedule. Schedules are guidelines, not necessarily absolutes.
    Things don’t always come to be on our timetable. rarely actually. Forcing a deadline can feel restrictive. Flowing with what is which here is you being off by a bit on your set goal would feel so much better. Doesn’t upset your manifesting vibe whatsoever. The universe doesn’t have the concept of time as we do. She doesn’t ever say, “Oops Lucy’s late. Taking back that wish.”
    xxoo



  201.  #201Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Thanks so much, Tinque! I feel encouraged. I especially like this: She doesn’t ever say, “Oops Lucy’s late. Taking back that wish.” 🙂



  202.  #202Nikita on November 19, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Tinque…

    ok 😉

    re:wet noodle…I am trying to feel more open to sexy talk online….even tho it just felt silly ….



  203.  #203tinque on November 19, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Nikita – 🙂



  204.  #204Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I love it when men say I am “adorable.” 😀



  205.  #205Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    HI Sirens

    I see we’re on a new thread – I can hardly keep up.

    I have a second date with CatMan arranged for Sunday (and the beginnings of a rotation).

    So – two issues, which I would love anyone’s reactions to.

    First – this seems a bit weird – I’m not really physically attracted to CatMan himself (and not it’s a good fit) . and yet I’m feeling very generally turned on, physically, by the whole process of having a number of dates and possibilities – ZenMan for lunch last Wednesday (no, I didn’t eat him 🙂 ) and strong hints from another online guy about meeting. I feel turned on in general – whoosh of libido – but it’s not about any one man . . . it’s not about an actual relationship . . more turned on by possibilities. Feel scared as it could be misleading . . . Not sure what I’m asking here, but reactions?

    Second- about CatMan – who I met online and have met once so far. His current, newer profile says age 55. But I found an older profile for him, using the same photo I’ve seen on a recent business site for him, and with many details the same, but the age was 58. It seems he deducted 3 years for the new profile, and in person he IS more like 58. I felt sick, shocked and a bit turned off when I realised there’s a white lie here. (I know it’s quite common, but I need honesty . . . to feel safe).

    What would Sirens do? Tell him I know? Wait and see how he deals with it?



  206.  #206Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Lorelei, I don’t know what to say about the age white lie — I’ve never run into that myself, but I think a lot of other Sirens have….

    The other thing.. the turned on by possibilities… yeah, I felt like that when I first started CDing! And it resulted in me sleeping with a man on our second date, and several subsequent dates… which was not too much of a problem for me, as I wasn’t really into him that much.. but he fell for me, and it was a little tough extricating myself from that situation bc of his feelings… but it turned out alright, and I have no regrets.



  207.  #207Daria on November 19, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    ew I feel grossed out reading lucy’s post about if i heal my issue that she triggers she will be clear…

    I don’t know why that felt bad… but it DID

    i feel peed on

    NOT COOL

    NOT FEELING IT

    I DON”T KNOW WHY

    BUT I DON”T LIKE IT

    and i intend to find out why I feel really angry and like words are being put in my mouth

    ugh



  208.  #208Daria on November 19, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Lorelei – I would say, hmm i feel a bit weird… but I found another profile… and I noticed a different age… whatsup

    I am pretty used to guys lying to me and saying they’re older (backwards of this situation)



  209.  #209AmberS on November 19, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Nikita,

    What do you say we throw a case of Red Bull in the back of the car & head west? I’ll drop you off in Seattle…

    Tinque – I’ll be happy to take you to smeLL-A before I turn RIGHT at the ocean and head north to home…



  210.  #210Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Oh, sorry, Daria. I feel bad that you feel bad. 🙁

    I also feel kinda grossed out reading your reaction. Hmm….

    Michael Brown writes about the concept. It’s very cool (imo). It seems to hold a lot of validity – I have seen it played out a few times in the past year.

    I think Eckhart Tolle talks about it too.

    I’m still excited and hopeful about it.



  211.  #211Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    @191: Laughing Goddess says:
    “I do feel a little weird remembering my 7th grade self. Wondering why in the world I would by No Doz at that age. Can we say overachiever? Ewwww ”

    LG, that was young! Twelve? I was a freshman studying for mid-terms so must have been 18 at the time, meaning I suppose I should have known better.

    I do want to try the red bull. I’ll drink just a bit to see…

    SLV



  212.  #212Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Hi Lucy (206, 207)

    Interesting – thanks – and yes I can easily imagine (VERY easily imagine!!) how feeling very turned on in general could lead to sleeping with someone a bit soon . . maybe just part of the process of being open and available. I feel a bit like I did when I was a teenage and just felt very turned on without necessarily a particular man around . .

    I feel worried that if I do sleep with a man too early, though, it’ll be my oxytocin that kicks in big time, creating emotional connection where there isn’t a real possibility of a long-term relationship – this was always my tendency before I was married. Was never able get physical without also getting emotionally connected.

    I’m not yet the rock star, super chick, free-form goddess who can do anything. And I feel protective of my heart while I’m still going through a divorce.



  213.  #213Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Hi Daria (206, 209)

    Thanks for the suggestion.

    I was wondering about just saying nothing, to see if he admits it. I wonder if that would tell me more, in a way.

    If a man did this, but then admitted on the first date, or even the second, I would feel he was more honest than a man who kept quiet.

    On the other hand, if I’m feeling weird about it, then the Siren thing to do is to say how I feel.

    Maybe I’ll wait and see how I feel in the moment. .



  214.  #214Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    @208: Daria says:
    “…ew I feel grossed out reading lucy’s post about if i heal my issue that she triggers she will be clear…”

    Lucyyyyyy…. have you been doing some triggering??? Lucyyyy, you got some ‘splaining to do… 😆

    Just having fun but maybe you girls are too young to have watched the “I love Lucy” shows even on reruns.

    Not that Daria’s issues are not serious. I take her feelings seriously. The phrase just caught me…

    Oops 😳 Am i lapsing into senior reverie? 😯

    SLV



  215.  #215Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    SLV – your curiosity about Red Bull somehow reminds me of what happened to Alice in Wonderland when she drank the unexpected liquids . . don’t know why, but don’t go down a rabbit hole!



  216.  #216Daria on November 19, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Honorable Red Queen – we regret to inform you that we are formally excluding you from the munchy problem list

    The list does not include imperious raw voice queens practicing Drama Queen voice – such as your Lovely Red self.

    The list is reserved for members who ACTIVELY RESIST Rori’s guidelines to practice Feeling Messages on blog; instead these resistors use Masculine voice and engage in debates

    The list for “Dangerous Powerful Woman Entities” is not a subset in the problem list.

    Thank you for your interest and your application.



  217.  #217Daria on November 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    nope sorry. don’t want to be drained.

    my magic is only used with my approval.

    EFFFF> GET OFFF MEEEEEEE clingy possum

    love you clingy possum,, ohh hi feel guilty

    i love you

    i apologize for trying to escape you

    thank you for being here for me

    and trying to protect me

    and im going to go on with feeling better now

    and doing what makes me feel good

    and makes me bigger and happier

    so i can have more love and compassion to share with you and with the world

    and i wont abandon you

    i promise



  218.  #218Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Oooh, I love Alice in Wonderland, and I just happen to be wearing my Alice t-shirt right this minute!!!!



  219.  #219Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    Yep, SLV, I remember “I Love Lucy.” 🙂

    And, yes, apparently I am triggering Daria.



  220.  #220Daria on November 19, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    to me, it looks like Lucy is purposely shooting herself in the foot by not allowing men to call her for even 10 minutes

    i don’t believe this is a boundary that serves her, jsut serves her to really narrow her circle of men, instead of opening it up

    to me it looks like Lucy feels scared to open up her circle, that she’s uncomfortable with the scariness of what could happen when she says no to men on certain things- which shows up for her as fear of ‘hurting their feelings’ –

    i feel sad when i think of this and i feel like shaking her

    i see her pining for unavailable guys… like WH and TN man, and i imagine that were WH man to call her, she would indeed pick up the phone… rendering that pseudo-boundary null void

    anyway, this is all in my head, none of my business and not real

    i feel annoyed wiht more imagining that lucy will now come defending this piece by piece

    no i dont i realy dont i really dont i dont i swear

    this all feels draining to me to have seen in the past

    i feel very strange right now

    removed

    immovable in a certain position

    i feel heavy and drained

    i lvoe my feelings

    its ok if Lucy is doing her things her own way

    i don’t want to be drained or hold back my truth

    i feel compassionate because i know we’re all doing the best we can

    so what if shes deluding herself and staying in her cage

    but ohhh it feels sad

    i feel sad in my heart

    i imagine how it feels to be in the Ocean of Love (heartconnection Toolkit)

    and watching people on the shore afraid to go in…

    do i feel guilty?

    i feel sad a bit, but looking at my own feet in the ocean i feel comfortable

    and i feel safe that everything will be good, step by step



  221.  #221Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    re: #213

    Two things:

    1) “…. . maybe just part of the process of being open and available…”

    This “open and available” concept is something I want to explore further. After reading Rori’s post on this thread I was thinking of posing the question: am I weird or something wrong with me? Then I figured probably too late, or it doesn’t matter what others thing anyhow.

    The thing is, when I read the description of the make out session and Carole being repulsive and feeling the guy’s behaviour was ewwwrepulsive, I didn’t get that impression AT ALL! It seemed innocent, fun and affectionate also a little yearningly romantic. A “thoughtful” guy asking if he could give a hickey, I thought that was cute too. Like anybody every asked me first.. Ha! 😆 Hickeys were something left behind in my teen years, so i thought this was really cute. I would enjoy that rather than being repulsed. Weird?

    My feeling regarding the repulsion is I cannot see myself getting that far along in kissing/touching order to be repulsed in the first place. If i wasn’t attracted to a guy I really, really wouldn’t want to go beyond a kiss on the cheek, air hug kind of thing. Are we really to force ourselves up to the point of “repulsion?” I do not want to be repulsed. If affectionate play like that described is experienced as “repulsive” that would be a big ole red flag that I shouldn’t be dating the guy.

    Am I on the wrong track here? School me… I’m open to take in new info and adjust my attitude.

    2)”..I feel a bit like I did when I was a teenage and just felt very turned on without necessarily a particular man around . .
    I feel worried that if I do sleep with a man too early, though, it’ll be my oxytocin that kicks in big time, creating emotional connection where there isn’t a real possibility of a long-term relationship –…”

    I’ve found that it’s not even necessary to sleep with a guy to have the hormone thing kick in! This was a big surprise to me! I don’t know if it has to do with my current hormone levels or what, or just a crazy fluke. Or latent horniness?

    I don’t know what to make of it. i had that happen this year. It’s like i went to sleep normal and had an er, uh, crazy dream and woke up, bolted upright with…

    “What the Hell was that??!!…” and I was instantly imprinted like one of those ducklings that hatch and begin following a dog or cat. 😆

    I hoping CD will prevent a recurrence…I hope. Tell me it does.

    SLV



  222.  #222Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Lucy and SLV – well, going down the rabbit hole could also be very interesting!

    Or expanding – one of Rori’s visulations, that our energy just becomes bigger and greater – could be even better!!



  223.  #223Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    @223: Lorelei says:
    “Lucy and SLV – well, going down the rabbit hole could also be very interesting!
    Or expanding – one of Rori’s visulations, that our energy just becomes bigger and greater – could be even better!!”

    I’m not understanding this. 😀

    SLV



  224.  #224AmberS on November 19, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    SLV,

    I like your approach to Red Bull. *come to the dark side…* Kidding. There is an un-leaded version, but IDK what those chemicals do to the mix…

    I am also taking your advice (and Nikita’s and BarbinOz’s) and going slow with the good Aries doctor. And he’s cooperating… so far so good. I realized that part of my rush was an unhealthy desire to banish Mr. Almost to the oblivion of the past. Not so healthy. Time to get back to work on me.



  225.  #225Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Oh, Daria. *sigh* Why do you continue to feel the need to judge me? (rhetorical question) I feel drained by it.

    WH wouldn’t call me unless we had already planned a call ahead of time for the purpose of working out the details of a date or some such thing.

    He’s my kind of guy in that respect.

    Duh, that’s why I like him!



  226.  #226Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    I would think it would feel draining to spend so much time judging someone else.

    I don’t want to judge people. I feel grateful that I don’t judge people nearly as much as I used to.

    And that goes hand-in-hand with no longer judging myself.



  227.  #227sia on November 19, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    lucy, I feel curious reading somebody doesnt like phone calls.

    I have the opposite affliction – cannot stand texting, but love being on a phone.
    Problem: most guys text. Not a problem per se, but, unlike in your case, guys I like text, and guys I dont like do call no problem!
    So far I have been interpreting ‘just text’ thing as emotional unavailability, not into me, etc.

    But what if their boundary is as strong as mine, just clashing? Should I expect them to be more flexible on it, just because they are men?

    So I would like to ask the same question as Daria, in different context: if someone you already like called, would you pick up? (as in: would the guys who are into me call if they really cared?)

    Funny how just texting triggers more women than just phone calls, but this is not about statistics i dont think!



  228.  #228Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    224 @ SLV

    I was picking up on your reference to being the Red Queen, and thought (can’t make this into felt) that you meant the Red Queen from “Alice in Wonderland” . . . But it looks like I guessed wrong on this one (and probably missed something earlier that explained it differently).

    In “Alice in Wonderland” she drinks 2 magical drinks (OK, Red Bull isn’t this magical). One drink makes her expand – and Rori has a meditation (in several programmes) about just imagining we expand with our energy . . .

    The other drink makes Alice shrink to tiny, and she falls or goes down a rabbit hole into Wonderland. .

    No big deal!



  229.  #229Daria on November 19, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    oh Daria, sigh, gtfoh: get the fu9ck outta here

    i dont like being talked to as oh daria sigh

    KICK! up on outta my energy space

    UGH!

    YUCK

    feelin mad



  230.  #230Daria on November 19, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    oh Daria sigh,
    oh Daria sigh bi9ch

    who the fu9ck thinks its cool to sigh at me ?

    GUESS WHAT

    FU(CK YOU

    i don’t mind “judging” you in my process

    that shit don’t mean shit

    just rambly ass thoughts…

    THEYRE NOT ABOUT YOU

    IM SAYING WHAT I SEE

    ALL THIS ISH IS FOR ME

    AND I FEEL MAD

    I DONT ACCEPT DRAINING ASS SHIT IN MY SPACE

    like oh DARIA SIGH

    all oh DARIA SIGH WORDS CAN GO SUC(K IT AWAY FROM MY TEMPLE

    I REFUSE THIS BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE

    hella mad

    and this is not about YOU, this is about ME and MY life

    and all ways this SHIT THAT FEELS BAD AND UGH SHOWS UP

    I WANT IT GONE

    I DONT TOLERATE IT

    I DONT TOLERATE IT AND IM FU(CKIN MAD



  231.  #231Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    @217 Daria

    “…The list for “Dangerous Powerful Woman Entities” is not a subset in the problem list.
    Thank you for your interest and your application…”

    LOL 😆

    I knew I shouldn’t have tossed my RIFFIN, it was in boy voice and the only feelings were of the faux variety, and it was a long ‘un. But sadly it was unilateral and there was no debate, moot or otherwise. I assume I must wait until next season (when the moon again does something un-goddessy) to reapply.

    I thank the committee for your kind consideration.

    THE RED QUEEN



  232.  #232Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    SLV – so what kind of Red Queen are you?



  233.  #233Daria on November 19, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    I LOVE MY ANGER

    I LOVE MY ANGER

    I LOVE MY ANGER

    I LOVE MY ANGER

    my anger is wonderful great magnificent

    hehee that feels good

    joyous

    feelin excited to notice stuff that drains me and say NO to it

    yay!

    feel excited to not Tolerate stuff i didn’t notice before that felt bad

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

    YAYAYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAY

    growin like a mothafu*cka!

    im growin im growin

    growin like a mothafu98cka hehe

    a cute mothaf8ucka with antennas and pink fluffies on them



  234.  #234Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    229: Lorelei

    Oh, it WAS the Red Queen from Alice Wonderland. I played that character in third grade school play. I’ve always thought I was typecast–i know I was–and tickled by it. My girlfriend was the always sweet Alice… 😆

    Thanks, Lorelei for the fun!! I’m sorry i missed the allusion. I’m running back to reread the post!

    This blog is like Twitter where someone tweeted “Twitter is like crack…only with words..” ROFLMAO 😆 The Rori is blog too!!!

    SLV



  235.  #235Daria on November 19, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Dear Red Queen –

    although it is not part of our policy to inform contestants of the requirements of entry, I am making a special exception to inform your highness that:

    any form of RIFFING will count decisively AGAINST the applicant in the court’s decision of whether to include said applicant into the Masculine-Voice Blog Debate Team

    Jaqueline was almost excluded because of various Poetic Infractions… she was thus on a period of probation for awhile…

    *Just a head’s up from a fan on the insder’s comittee



  236.  #236lola on November 19, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    I feel so envious of sirens meeting up…. so far away here in UK, I feel sad I can’t meet any of you….I think Lorelei in UK but not in Big Smoke like me : (



  237.  #237Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Oh help! Help! Help! This is getting very complicated!!
    This Siren is out of her depth. And triggered bigtime.

    There is another online man who I’ve been having an email and a few phone calls, and some texts with – let’s call him WaveMan. We seem to get on very well. Not sure he’s physically my type, but we get on well on the phone.

    We haven’t had the meet and greet coffee date as he lives 500 miles away!

    And I don’t want a long-distance relationship.

    But as I’m not exactly flooded with men, I’ve gone on with phone calls (well, only 3 or 4, but lots of emails).

    If he lived closer, I would have gone on a coffee or lunch date, without a second thought.

    The conversation has turned to meeting up, and he started wondering about whether he or I should do the inviting. I said I prefer it or feel more feminine or flattered etc when the man takes charge. But I didn’t say more. Earlier today, on the phone, said I didn’t feel comfortable giving out my address to someone I haven’t met. He had said he’d got the message that he should take charge, and wanted to post my invitation.

    And now he has taken charge!! He has emailed an invitation to go and say for a weekend with him, at his house, with spare room available!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I now wish I had said loud and clear, and much earlier that “I don’t feel comfortable travelling long-distance to meet a man I met online.” But I hadn’t got to that bit, because he hadn’t really asked the question. It would have been leaning forward to assume.

    Help…. I was waiting for more of a convo about how we might meet, when I could have stated my boundaries, and my feelings about him coming to my area.

    I feel terrified and excited and flattered and tempted and scared silly about going to stay at the home of a man I have never met. I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t have done it even pre-Rori. My father would turn in his grave. All the online advice is, IF you do LD, stay at a hotel. Do not get into someone’s car, even, when you do not know them.

    Now I’ve led him on, somehow. What do I do?

    “Dear WaveMan. I feel it would be good to meet, but you’ve taken me completely by surprised by inviting me to your home for a weekend. I feel quite overwhelmed! I would like to meet you, and I wish we could do the quick meet-up kind of date, or maybe lunch, to see how we get on! A whole weekend feels very . .[need a feeling word here, can’t even find one.] I never imagined you had this in mind. I find I’m feeling too uncomfortable about travelling so far from home to meet you, having only met online. And a weekend feels too long for a first meeting. ”

    I wish I had leant forward a bit more. I feel bad that we’ve somehow got to this. I feel I’ve led him on. I wish I had been more playful earlier on about all this – I so wish I had said very clearly that I wouldn’t feel comfortable travelling to his area to meet. Or made a joke about if he’s ever sailing by on business.

    (Yes ladies, he does have his own yacht!!!!!!! I’ve seen the pictures and also seen his contributions to an online forum about yacht maintenance, and his membership of a yacht club.)

    But what am I going to do?



  238.  #238Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    @223: Lorelei says:
    “Lucy and SLV – well, going down the rabbit hole could also be very interesting!
    Or expanding – one of Rori’s visulations, that our energy just becomes bigger and greater – could be even better!!”

    Lorelei:

    I could make red bull my official drink for going into goddess mode! I like this idea! I hope I like how red bull tastes…I have NO IDEA of its flavor.

    This is a seque but a few weeks ago I watched an old “Alice in Wonderland” movie starring then British child actress Fiona Fullerton. And I immediately thought of her role in the role of Clarice in “The Charmer” the 1980s TV mini-series of the between-the-wars drama.

    If anyone hasn’t seen this series with Nigel Havers, Rosemary Leach and Fiona Fullerton, of course, do go watch these DVDs when you are having a self-indulgent weekend. It’s all about love, obsession, a social climbing rake and a teeny bit of kinky sex. 😀

    SLV



  239.  #239Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    I must declare my boundaries earlier.
    I must declare my boundaries earlier.
    I must declare my boundaries earlier.
    I must declare my boundaries earlier.
    I must declare my boundaries earlier.
    I must declare my boundaries earlier.
    I must declare my boundaries earlier.
    I must declare my boundaries earlier.



  240.  #240Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    SLV @239 – I do faintly remember the Fiona Fullerton “Alice” film. Yeah – drink Red Bull as your goddess/siren drink. Over here, we have an advert that says it gives you wings!



  241.  #241Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    @Dari
    ” ‘*Just a head’s up from a fan on the insder’s comittee’ ”

    Thanks, it’s always cool to have a godfather on the inside, er uh, godmother,,, oh, ah. god-dess!

    SLV



  242.  #242Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    @Daria

    oops 😳 I think I copy and paste cut off your head without meaning to… and you became “Dari.”

    SLV



  243.  #243Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    I am a Siren, and he has to sail his yacht to me.



  244.  #244Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    233: Lorelei says:
    “SLV – so what kind of Red Queen are you?”

    The Gemini-other-face-of-Eve kind of Red Queen aka bitch goddess persona. 😀

    SLV



  245.  #245Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    @ 238 This is serious. Help! I need help!



  246.  #246Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Funny synchronicity tonight!

    My ex-h stopped by unexpectedly to change the oil in my car for me, so I invited him to stay for supper. While we were eating, the phone rang. I hardly even noticed it was ringing, and kept eating my spaghetti. He looks at me and says, “Aren’t you gonna answer that?”

    “What? Oh, that thing? I never answer it.”

    He says, “Isn’t that kind of irresponsible?”

    I laugh and look at him with a smile and wide eyes. “You’re judging ME as irresponsible?”

    He laughs too, bc we both know how irresponsible he has been with the kids and our marriage and stuff.

    He says, “Alright, what should I say then? How about, ‘Isn’t that unusual?'”

    And of course, by this time, I am realizing the synchronicity with the blog comments, so I tell him all about the convo on here. He laughs. He especially laughs when he hears about my so-called “low self-esteem” and says how far that is from reality.



  247.  #247Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Lorelei, just tell him you feel uncomfortable with it, and that you would feel good meeting close to your home.



  248.  #248Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Lucy – 248 – is it really that simple?

    Regarding his invitation (which feels genuine – he don’t feel like an axe murdered or rapist) I feel to blame for leading him on. I feel old guilt. I feel stupid, naïve. My NV’s are giving me hard time. My parents, in my head, are giving me a hard time. My ex-husaband’s voice, in my head, is telling me how stupid and naïve and idiotic I am. I am telling myself that.

    Maybe it is that simple, though. After all, what can he do? He doesn’t know where I live (not precisely).

    But, I’m triggered so much about displeasing men. Old voices. Old training.



  249.  #249Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    @238 Lorelei

    Weekend at his house? Oh, Hell no!

    “Now I’ve led him on, somehow. What do I do?..”

    You have not led him on. He just made a not so good plan, not our fault. He can make another. Your job is to say it doesn’t suit you. And I’d make it short too, I wouldn’t go into some long explaining myself.

    “I’d like to meet you but I don’t feel comfortable traveling to stay with you for our first meeting.”

    Staying at his house is so out of the question I would not even dwell on it.

    He’ll just have to find a hotel near you and make a date with you. I wouldn’t commit to spending a marathon weekend with him either. Your call of course.

    SLV



  250.  #250Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    238, 249: My parents always gave me the strong impression that they were worried I would one day (as a teenager and young woman) get myself into a situation where I would be raped, or “taken advantage of.” They thought I could n’t look after myself. Well, it never happened, but now I feel frightened again too.



  251.  #251Daria on November 19, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    SLV – I’m rather enjoying my time with my head cut off…



  252.  #252LonePlum on November 19, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Lorelei 249

    You did not led him on
    He was led by his own imagination and the meaning he gives to words

    May be in his world it is normal to assume that “a man in charge” mean he invites the woman to sleep in his house
    But that’s not what it means in everybody’s world

    May be he knows what it means and he is just testing the water.

    A man in charge means he makes you comfortable and safe.

    A gentleman knows it implies you don’t travel across the country and you don’t sleep at a stranger’s house.

    A man in charge means:
    He suggests the invitation, which means he asks you if you would like to meet him.
    To which you say yes
    He then suggests a week end
    to which you say yes or you suggest another week end
    He then say he will book his hotel room in your town
    To which you say it is perfect , unless you know of a special hotel you want to recommand him.

    May be you could tell him
    “I feel confused. I feel awkward to be asked to sleep at a stranger’s house. I was opened to be invited to meet you in my town. “



  253.  #253Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    SLV and Lucy

    As you can tell, I feel really triggered. I feel hopeful maybe this is for healing.

    Yes, a calm and simple and short reply is best. I don’t want to put him in the wrong . . cos I do quite like him . . but, oh wow. F+++ing hell. As we say over here.



  254.  #254Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    @Lorelei
    “(Yes ladies, he does have his own yacht!!!!!!!”

    Horrors! That makes it worse!!!! Not better!!! He’s not some local guy who doesn’t know any better. He might be used to sending for women. Don’t be one of them!

    If he can buy and maintain a yacht. He can arrange to spend a night or two in your hometown. A spare room in his house. Don’t make me laugh… 😆

    That’s code for bring contraceptives with you. Which is OK if that’s what you want. I’d done stuff like this, similar, never on FIRST meeting. Guess I’m saying do as I say not as I’ve done…I’ve been very lucky. But I realize we are not in “Kansas anymore, Dorothy” (70s and early 80s…)… the Sexual Revolution is taking a nap… 😀

    SLV



  255.  #255Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    Hi Lone Plum – 253 – yes, this is good. But I don’t want to suggest things to him – do I state my boundaries and hope he thinks up ideas for himself?



  256.  #256Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Sia, hi.

    “guys I like text, and guys I dont like do call no problem!” Right — same here!

    Texting is a lot of fun for me — I’m really big on the written word. It’s just part of who I am as a writer.

    “But what if their boundary is as strong as mine, just clashing? Should I expect them to be more flexible on it, just because they are men?”

    My ex-h and I talked about that tonight (I told him about the guy who wanted me to call), and we were in agreement: If boundaries clash, and both people are firm on them, then they’re just not right for each other, and better to find out sooner rather than later.

    Like my ex-h said, the guy is missing out on meeting me bc of his boundary. But if that’s his boundary and it’s really important to him, then I’m not the right girl for him. And vice versa.

    I respect the dude’s phone call boundary. Absolutely. He has every right to his boundaries.

    There are plenty — PLENTY — of guys who don’t require phone calls. Those are the guys for me.

    “if someone you already like called, would you pick up?”

    Probably not. I might if I was in exactly the right mood. Yesterday, my friend was shocked when I actually picked up the phone when she called. She was completely expecting to leave a message bc I “never” answer.

    But it’s highly unlikely that a guy I already like would call. We just prefer texting, emails, fb, etc. If we want to talk with our voices, we’ll meet in person.



  257.  #257Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    @Lorelei
    The “don’t make me laugh” was NOT directed at you. Sorry, it was a figure of speech. I hope THE RED QUEEN didn’t come out and scare you. She is a protector.

    Don’t worry, I think you fix this little weekend/date snag. Calm and goddess-like.

    SLV



  258.  #258Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    @Lorelei

    I mean I think you CAN fix…



  259.  #259Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    AAAAAH – SLV -255- you see, I hadn’t quite seen it like that . . thank you . . . I’ve been out of dating for far too long . . though this kind of thing never happened before I was married!!!! And it does have it’s funny side.

    Men with yachts, hmmm. I really do not want and do not intend for a minute to stay at his house, or even travel to him.

    If he wants to meet, he has to sail to me. Or fly to me. For a fairly short meeting at first. Maybe not even a whole weekend. It does make me realise that when he first mentioned meeting, and said (in email) you are very far away, I should have done my little say-so about not travelling, and feeling comfortable with short first meetings near to home.

    Not in Kansas now, but thank goodness for Siren Island. Siren City.



  260.  #260Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Lorelei — “Thank you for the invitation! I feel rather uncomfortable meeting in your town… I would feel much better meeting here. What do you think?”



  261.  #261Daria on November 19, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Lorelei – you can always negotiate, change your mind, etc

    “ohh… thank you… i feel excited to see you… and… i feel uncomfortable to say this but.. i really don’t feel comfortable being the one to travel over there… what do you think?”



  262.  #262Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    SLV – 259 – thanks for your consideration in checking my reaction to “don’t make me laugh” but I totally heard it as addressed to him, as it were, rhetorically!



  263.  #263Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    “do I state my boundaries and hope he thinks up ideas for himself?”

    Yes. And you can keep saying “no” as long as it takes. If he’s the urbane type you make him out to be one “no” should let him figure it out.

    SLV



  264.  #264Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    Daria – Lucy – yes, I would like to put in some appreciation for the invitation . .



  265.  #265Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    SLV – 264 – despite the yacht, he doesn’t come across as the urbane type, not a smoothie, but rather nervous and newly back in the dating scene as well. The yacht is genuine, but it may also be a bit of a red herring. More clueless than creepy.



  266.  #266sia on November 19, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    thank you, lucy

    and now i am asking the universe to kindly align itself so that the guys i dont like will only text, and the guys i do like will call.



  267.  #267Lorelei on November 19, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Dear all – Yes, I can say no, and I don’t want, for as long as I like, and it doesn’t matter what he thinks. And if he runs away, well, that tells me everything I need to know.

    I’ve just been battling with guilt that it’s because I said like it when a man takes charge, that’s he’s come up with this. A total he’ll take charge of everything weekend, theatre, dinner, opera, the lot, weekend.



  268.  #268Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    I think if you smile while you say, text, etc whatever you decide, it will come across just fine.

    Maybe you can check out some hotels just in case his immediate response is to ask you. A bed and breakfast could be nice as long as it’s just for him… 😆 … this time…

    SLV



  269.  #269Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    19 November 2010 @ 5:03pm

    268: Lorelei
    “I’ve just been battling with guilt that it’s because I said like it when a man takes charge, that’s he’s come up with this. A total he’ll take charge of everything weekend, theatre, dinner, opera, the lot, weekend.”

    Don’t feel guilty! No reason to feel quilty. I could be guilty because i’m learning so much from this.

    For example: That’s a very big weekend. I don’t know about where you are but opera tickets here are pricey. Theatre can be too. What if you hate the guy, hate each other? the second you lay eyes on each other? Make it slow and easy on yourselves.

    If i were meeting a guy for the first time and he lived far away I’d want to spend as much time as possible observing him instead of observing a high-ticket musical and/or opera.

    I’d probably avoid movies too for the first date since i might not see him again for a few weeks or even longer! I’d prefer simple neighborhood restaurants–the kind I usually go to and where i am known, not a big strange fancy place where i don’t often dine. We could be more relaxed and not on best behaviour and he wouldn’t have to impress a maitre d’ :lol

    I’d do a few walk-and-talks and stop for coffee, shop and see how he interacts with people, see what his tastes are. I’d like to learn as much as possible about him. Take him to my favorite book store, shop for music etc etc. It would be fun. I’d be walking and talking the whole time he was visiting.

    I would like to do with him what I would do with a “husband” on a weekend (except for the sex. LOL) etc. Fun. No stress.

    Someone said–forget who–dating is “data gathering”…

    Well, that’s my bit. Your mileage may vary.

    SLV



  270.  #270Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    I’m over here talking to myself. A sure sign of a bore.. Oh.

    I’ll toddle along now…

    SLV



  271.  #271Tina on November 19, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I heard from my neighbor date guy blah, he messaged me asking if everything was alright, he asked if he did anything wrong, I feel icky, but anyway, he left a phone message, asking the same thing, this usually doesnt happen, we call, no answer no biggie, we dont talk for weeks sometime maybe online, two or three times a week depends, so anyway he calls me tonight, we chat, I am still feeling weirded out by the messages, he then starts rambling about, who and if I was seeing someone else, I told him I feel uncomfortable about this question, he said he wanted to spend some time with me blah ugh! weird, I feel creeped out.



  272.  #272Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    Hello Sirens,

    I wanted to share this weekend is free on “chemistry.com”…a sister site for match.com…

    Hugs,



  273.  #273Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 5:58 pm


  274.  #274Daria on November 19, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Sia – Rori recommends treating all men the same… That has been huge to me in shifting my patterns and my attraction and being able to receive

    Hoping a certain kind of man texts and a certain kind calls would work against this

    Many of us are not attracted to men who do treat u’s well and have to reprogram that – treating all men the same is crucial to that



  275.  #275sia on November 19, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    Daria, thanks

    ‘Hoping a certain kind of man texts and a certain kind calls would work against this’

    does this differ from: i am hoping all the men will call me?

    Or are zero expectations/hopes best?

    because then i wouldnt know how to use the fact that universe listens and delivers.



  276.  #276Daria on November 19, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Sia- yes, hoping all men call you is cool

    this was a huge issue for me at first (i made up an acronym MTADL – men text me all day long) lol

    now i just don’t notice, i say instantly, i don’t like text conversations, it would feel cool to talk, what do you think?

    as soon as it becomes a text convo

    i’m also not invested as i’ve dropped some attractive ones over this so i’m now used to it, etc.. totally not invested



  277.  #277Daria on November 19, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    teh universe will listen to a strongly enforced boundary, but the universe acts rather like the people in Honey’s Behavioral Example class – at least mine do.

    you’ll get texters, you say NO, you get more texters, more attractive texters, etc… just Hoping you’ll break your boundary

    you just keep saying NO treating them all the same,

    then they peter out and stop and

    YOU DONT FEEL ANXIETY ABOUT IT ANYMORE

    and that’s when it all shifts



  278.  #278Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    “i’m also not invested as i’ve dropped some attractive ones over this so i’m now used to it, etc.. totally not invested”

    LOL!!!

    Exactly!!!

    LOL



  279.  #279sia on November 19, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    Lucy, could you direct the attractive ones who want to call over to me and daria, and we direct ours who like to text:)

    great example about universe in behavioural class daria!! a-ha moment for me!



  280.  #280Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Sounds good, Sia. 🙂



  281.  #281Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    To those who are afraid to experience deep sadness, here is a beautiful thought from Marianne Williamson…

    “Only in feeling your sadness can you learn from it, and deepen through it. Your sadness should be your teacher — not a gold mine for pharmaceutical companies.”…

    Hugs,



  282.  #282The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    DE,

    I love that, thank you



  283.  #283Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    Sia – the thing is, they still text. So as I don’t feel anxiety about it anymore, I go along until it feels bad and then say that I don’t like text convos, but really I mostly don’t notice anymore…

    It’s the vibe that matters, if I’m controlling-anxious or just open expressing.

    If I express I don’t want to Tex at this time, and I get a text, I just don’t answer it.

    I want to be open to all men, including the ones who preferred texting, and make sure I feel happy too



  284.  #284Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    I feel weird reading about refusing a phonecall with a man, for even 2 minutes… That to me looks like major red flags. A person who is open but doesn’t like phonecalls could do 2 minutes and then state boundary and no longer phone.

    But no phone at all? No thank you potential crazy stalker is what I think..,

    We want to open to men, not close..,

    And nothing becomes real until first meeting, so I go for that



  285.  #285Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Some men will fit the criteria of not needing a call, but that pool is drastically lowered for something rather trivial…

    It will still work if vibe is open

    Like if I required all men to give me 50 bucks upon the first meeting… Lol



  286.  #286Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    @252: Daria says:
    “SLV – I’m rather enjoying my time with my head cut off…”

    Since it was the “a” that was cut off… is that your bottom, or foot or toe instead of the head? Sorry, I cut off your toe… 😳

    Does anyone have any thoughts on #222?

    Does everyone think the guy is creepy repulsive? ‘Cause I don’t. What’s wrong with that?

    Last month I asked something similar, and answer was sirens kissed everyone unless repulsed. I’m trying to get a signal on “repulsed.”

    I’m thinking so far, that kind of make out is not repulsive , the contrary but…maybe I won’t do it with everyone because that would be repulsive, if I didn’t have a special attraction to a particular guy…

    Does this make sense? If Rori says we treat all guys the same… oh, I’m getting confused on this…

    SLV



  287.  #287Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    Men will confirm usually to anything to please a woman once they like her… But rigidity in the vibe works against us big time

    Hmm I feel curious about my trigger around this.. Angels tell me more!



  288.  #288Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    “We want to open to men, not close…”

    Yep, exactly.



  289.  #289Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    “Like if I required all men to give me 50 bucks upon the first meeting… Lol”

    LOL LOL 😆

    SLV



  290.  #290Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Slv – repulsed had to be felt. Different things feel repulsive to diff people.

    Sometimes, the judgements running through our heads make something feel repulsive.

    The idea is, open up your comfort zones but don’t tolerate anything that feels bad.., even if it doesn’t make Sense why it feels bad in that moment



  291.  #291Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    “Some men will fit the criteria of not needing a call, but that pool is drastically lowered for something rather trivial…”

    I find it to be lowered very minimally. As Sia said, wanting the phone call over texting seems to reduce the pool more significantly.



  292.  #292Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Lucy – I feel confused what you’re yelling about as you are the one who closes her circle by not allowing men one short phonecall to verify if you sound sane



  293.  #293Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    I also find more of a crazy stalker vibe among the phone call guys than the text guys.



  294.  #294Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    I feel confused as to why you think I am yelling….?



  295.  #295Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Confused what you’re yepping about



  296.  #296Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    We’ll texters are actually allowed to text me.. It’s not a drastic, Controlling No.

    ok I’m getting caught in debating

    I stand behind that this boundary is not real, and it doesn’t serve a woman’s opening up… But rather keeps her emotionally unavailable



  297.  #297Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    SLV: #252

    I would find it repulsive as well…:( In our story, “Carole” is not in love with him…just dated him for several weeks…

    That would be a reason for me…but it is also a trigger (for me)…a trigger to rape that I experienced… which makes me extremely sensitive to men who think/act as they have a right over me…

    It is also my experience that usually those who push the boundaries are extremely insecure people…often praying on very good looking women to put them down…:(



  298.  #298Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    I don’t close my circle at all, Daria. I am open to all men.

    If you want to think of it as “closing my circle,” then the same would hold true of you —

    “i’m also not invested as i’ve dropped some attractive ones over this so i’m now used to it, etc.. totally not invested” (Daria)

    But I don’t see it as “closing my circle” for you or for me.



  299.  #299sia on November 19, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    confused!!
    there should be flexibility in vibe, ok.
    but phone thing is boundary – there shouldnt be any flexibility on boundaries, right?
    or is it not a real boundary?



  300.  #300Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    “The idea is, open up your comfort zones but don’t tolerate anything that feels bad..,”

    The way the woman in Rori’s post was describing was the guy’s behaviour was the repulsive thing and the things he did were repulsive acts and she therefore was turned off from him because of the so-called “ewww repulsive acts.”

    *I* didn’t find any of those acts repulsive at all them seem affectionate. So that makes me weird??? It would be the person that would repulse me with an act. Say guy selling newspapers in front of the deli would not repulse me saying”good morning” but he would repulse me if he was on my neck giving me a hickey. Which is not to say a hickey is repulsive, or saying “hold me” is repulsive. Is it?

    My “openness” has its limitations. Gee, how open must i be??? The woman in post apparently very open but look what it got her, now she is repulsed…but doesn’t this just mean repulsed because she does not find this specific guy attractive and is kind of forcing it…. cause what he did seems to me not to be repulsive acts.

    Don’t know if I’m expressing accurately my state of mind.

    SLV



  301.  #301Jeannette on November 19, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    Does anyone on this site live near Johnson City, TN?



  302.  #302Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    “I stand behind that this boundary is not real, and it doesn’t serve a woman’s opening up… But rather keeps her emotionally unavailable”

    I feel so weird and incredulous reading that!

    Talking on the phone = emotionally available

    That feels scary to think that some people believe that.

    I feel fine going right to the meeting in person (as I said to the man in that convo). To me, meeting in person is more emotionally available than talking on the phone.



  303.  #303Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    not them seem affectionate;;; LOL

    THEY seem affectionate…



  304.  #304Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Sia, I personally believe in flexible boundaries. I follow my heart, my intuition, more than rules I make up for myself.



  305.  #305Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    SLV: #252

    “I would find it repulsive as well..”

    Really? You would? Those do not seem to be repulsive things; I can imagine my sweetie doing some of the same. And both of us laughing.

    SLV



  306.  #306sia on November 19, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    yes lucy, that is not flexibility as per the guy’s demand/expectation or statistics.



  307.  #307Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    SLV:

    I would if he was not my “man”…;) lol

    If he were my “sweetie”…gosh, that’s a different “rock’n roll story”…lol



  308.  #308Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Slv – yes I agree it would feel lovely, yet many of u’s don’t consider… Would this feel good with my ideal man, and instead look at man in front of u’s through a judging lens.

    In darling’s case, it triggers memories of rape… So each of u’s gotta both keep open And express how We preserves feel.



  309.  #309Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Daria, I feel pissed seeing you telling girliegirl on the other thread all about how you don’t want judgments on your island, when YOU are judging me repeatedly!

    Huh?



  310.  #310Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    A big tool I use is always look at the man in front of me as if he’s my sweetie



  311.  #311Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    Sia, not sure what you mean here:

    “yes lucy, that is not flexibility as per the guy’s demand/expectation or statistics.”



  312.  #312sia on November 19, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    daria (please continue to debate..)

    ‘I stand behind that this boundary is not real, and it doesn’t serve a woman’s opening up… But rather keeps her emotionally unavailable’

    you meant both women who avoid texting and those who avoid calls, right?

    Could you then please give an example of real boundaries? Eg, if a guy doesnt offer to pay, is it the end? Or other?



  313.  #313Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    @308: Darling Ella says:
    “SLV:
    I would if he was not my “man”…;) lol”

    Well, that was the deal. The woman offered proof that the guy was a “repulsive guy” because of these acts whereas I think she just wasn’t attracted to him no matter how “open” she claimed she is… Nor am i thinking I have to be that open either but there seems to be some thinking that I “should”… don’t know about this…

    still thinking about it… But I don’t think that poor guy did anything wrong! If she didn’t like him I think she would have know before he got that far along before she suddenly became “repulsed.” At least it seems to me…instead of blaming the poor guy. He probably thought she was enjoying it…

    SLV



  314.  #314Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Lucy – I feel glad to hear your feelings, and feel amused ( I wonder what that’s about)

    I don’t want to get into debates about judging.

    I’m working my triggers and i dont want it made about you… Unless something is helpful to you .



  315.  #315sia on November 19, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    lucy,
    I meant your kind flexibility doesnt come about because the guy demands it or you read that 99% of people disagree with you and hopsa hejsa id better change myself.



  316.  #316Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Slv – it’s ok to feel repulsed.. To feel anything really, it happens… Even with our sweeties… The better we are at feeling and expressing our feelings, the more were able to say no in the moment to the small thing we don’t want right then, while being open to the man as a whole



  317.  #317Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    I am working my triggers too, Daria.

    Pointing out the pot calling the kettle black is not making it about me.

    I am concerned about Rori’s guidelines being respected by ALL sirens, including you, not just girliegirl — for the sake of ALL of us.



  318.  #318Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    OK, I’m teaching myself. Forcing myself to be “open” has its limitations. I’ll have to figure out the actual limitations…maybe the limitations are elastic. 😆

    I don’t want to be so “open” that suddenly I notice some guy gnawing on my nipple and I kind of wonder how he got there… 😆 And whoops, I’m repulsed!

    SLV



  319.  #319Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Yes! Exactly, Sia! I have learned NOT to move my boundaries just bc a guy pressures me to do so, or bc people disagree with my boundaries, etc.

    I used to do that a lot! I would call that “weak boundaries” as opposed to “flexible boundaries.”



  320.  #320Daria on November 19, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Sia – yes a real boundary is one you’d enforce even with your favorite lover, it’s a boundary about being treated well.

    I don’t like talking on the phone doesn’t seem real because I think if a woman were to get a call from say a msn she misses, shed be thrilled.

    It’s about how we want to be treated.

    And boundaries serve to keep people And behaviors Out.

    So if we make them very restrictive, and seemingly arbitrary, they will drastically restrict what we receive in ways that may not serve u’s.

    Fir example, her, there may be perfectly wonderf decent men rejected because they – like me – don’t want to meet someone without checking out what they sound like.



  321.  #321Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    I am really good with boundaries now, and they allow me to be loving toward myself while being open to all men who treat me well.



  322.  #322AmberS on November 19, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    SLV- #319

    LMAO



  323.  #323Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    LOL, SLV!!! 😀



  324.  #324Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    SLV:

    I have to say seeing this as something you would be open to, it is a great quality…Rock Star spirit I might say…openness…freedom to experience…:)

    I had been challenged the last couple of years to some “experiments” …by a couple of my gfs who thought it would be good for me…lol…Hmm… I admit only drunk I was able to go for it…lol

    I have to admit these experiences gave me an understanding of my body and mind that probably no “course” could have offered…lol Yet, now that I know what and how it feels to be “soo open”…I also now it is not good for me…in a long run 🙂 and that’s a personal choice…:)



  325.  #325Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    “The better we are at feeling and expressing our feelings, the more were able to say no in the moment to the small thing we don’t want right then, while being open to the man as a whole”

    Right, like phone calls. 😀



  326.  #326Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    SLV:

    It is my experience that one has to do it before he/she knows whether something is repulsive….:)

    Maybe I am daring you …:)



  327.  #327Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    “…‘I stand behind that this boundary is not real,…”

    It’s a real boundary if it’s mine and I say it is.

    Of course, it might not be a boundary for anyone else… I probably wouldn’t care either, nor would they unless they were attracted to a possible relationship with me.

    And if it were a CD or possible partner who didn’t share that boundary, we’d have to work it out if it were a tiny step over the hedge boundary or forget it, if a deal breaker huge mountain boundary…

    SLV



  328.  #328Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    327: Darling Ella says:
    “SLV:
    It is my experience that one has to do it before he/she knows whether something is repulsive….:)
    Maybe I am daring you …:) ”

    Ah, pucker up DE, I’m sending you a juicy one… LOL 😆

    SLV



  329.  #329sia on November 19, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    ‘Sia – yes a real boundary is one you’d enforce even with your favorite lover, it’s a boundary about being treated well.’

    well, again, i have to work on myself. when i am feeling low, everyone treats me badly (seemingly). I put the worst intentions behind their words or acts.

    but when i am feeling good, i still wouldn’t like
    a) being beaten up
    b) texting

    🙂



  330.  #330Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    @DE

    Seriously, as described, everything the guy “DID” was repulsive. I really don’t think she would have found those things repulsive with EVERYONE… unless i am way far off the mark…

    SLV



  331.  #331Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    SLV:

    True indeed…It might have had to do with the “Sapphire”…and the “private” club treatment…, where she was forcing herself to like him…like our “frog story” written by Rori 🙂 lol



  332.  #332The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Slv

    I don’t believe Carole was repulsed by the man so much as she was *suddenly?-repulsed by his behavior ~ or her own judgments about his behavior and her interpretation/evaluation of what his behavior, in that moment meant, and or was reflecting.



  333.  #333Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    For me, boundaries don’t really keep People out, just Behaviors.



  334.  #334Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    “So if we make them very restrictive, and seemingly arbitrary, they will drastically restrict what we receive in ways that may not serve u’s.”

    Right, like insisting on a phone call before meeting.

    Or not responding to texts bc you don’t like texting.



  335.  #335The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Slv #331,

    Thats the connection I feel; her repulsion by one man seems equal to her addiction to being “kicked in the teeth” by the other.

    I would compare it to the belief: “he doesn’t love you unless he hits you”……, that women who may have Stockholm syndrome or self destructive programming running them and keeping them in a circle of abusive/neglectful or “toxic” relationships.
    Am I making sense?, I’m typing on my phone so it feels a little disjointed to me…



  336.  #336Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    Nikita: #336

    I feel good by your explanation…:) Awesome analogy 🙂



  337.  #337Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    @332: Darling Ella says:
    “SLV:
    True indeed…It might have had to do with the “Sapphire”…and the “private” club treatment…, where she was forcing herself to like him…like our “frog story” written by Rori lol.. ”

    I’m at a disadvantage here. I don’t know ANY of these stories. Could anyone enlighten me?

    1- “Sapphire”
    2- “private club” treatment
    3- “frog story”

    Please… 😥

    SLV



  338.  #338Daria on November 19, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Slv – indeed it would be real if you say it is… And enforce it. And u would be clear about that regardless of what I mused about it.



  339.  #339Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    “It’s a real boundary if it’s mine and I say it is.”

    I agree, SLV.



  340.  #340Daria on November 19, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    To me a phone call first is not arbitrary, it’s a commonly advised safety precaution.

    What kinda person would day no to that even if they hated the phone? Someone crazy or emotionally unavailable or playing games.

    I think Lucy is the second…



  341.  #341Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    “Someone crazy or emotionally unavailable or playing games.”

    Or someone who loves and respects herself enough to know what she wants, and has experimented with NOT having this phone boundary and learned that it is a GOOD one for her, and trusts her heart and intuition to keep her safe and open to all men while saying no to what she doesn’t want.



  342.  #342Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    It feels so weird that you keep insisting that this means I am emotionally unavailable when, in fact, it demonstrates the Opposite — that I am happy to meet men in person without having to talk to them on the phone and screen them (potentially Out) first through a phone call.



  343.  #343Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    I feel amazed seeing someone hold on so tenaciously to a belief that is completely unsupported by reality.



  344.  #344Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    SLV:

    Well, I feel like blushing here…But, I sure know I am not crazy…lol…:)

    It appears the initial blog was corrected recently 🙂 In the 1st, there was a “Saphire” and now is a “rubi”…it used to be private club…now, it is no longer mentioned…lol

    oh and the “frog” story…it is one of Rori’s old blogs…I think Dorothea posted the link for someone earlier on “how to touch a man like a rock star”… blog…:)

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/lets-stop-bad-mouthing-the-frogs-and-look-for-the-message/



  345.  #345Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    I feel weird reading that requiring a phone call first is a “safety precaution.”

    I don’t see how a few minutes on the phone with a guy is going to contribute to your safety.



  346.  #346Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    It sounds more like a way to screen out men based on their voice who may be perfectly wonderful men in person.



  347.  #347sia on November 19, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    ‘it’s a commonly advised safety precaution. ‘

    author – mystic queen daria? huh?



  348.  #348Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    SLV: “It’s a real boundary if it’s mine and I say it is.” Love.

    I don’t want to defend a boundary. It’s MY boundary. Everyone else can suck it.

    I feel weird reading the references to Rori’s guidelines. I’ve noticed this several times now. I feel mad, like calling in mommy to break up the fight knowing she’s gonna take away all our toys. I don’t want to feel defended by someone else (Rori or otherwise). I got this.

    People get it, or they don’t. I feel selfish. I don’t want to banish people who don’t understand the rules. Besides I need the practice being triggered by a masculine voice.



  349.  #349Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Judge daria of notre dame, judging the gypsy esmeralda….



  350.  #350Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    Judge Lucy, judging Lucy for Lucy believing she is being judged.



  351.  #351Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    Shannon, I don’t think anyone wants to banish people who don’t understand the rules.

    I’m not as concerned about the guidelines per se as I am about people insisting other people follow the guidelines when they are currently not following the guidelines themselves. That bothers me.



  352.  #352Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    If I believe I am right, I don’t have to defend. It just is. No one can tell me otherwise. By defending myself, I open up to the possibility that I do not believe I’m right.



  353.  #353Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Judge Shannon, for judging Lucy for judging Lucy for Lucy believing she is being judged.



  354.  #354Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    “By defending myself, I open up to the possibility that I do not believe I’m right.”

    Or I am attempting to expose the silliness (yes, I am judging it as silliness).



  355.  #355sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    i just read comment to girliegirl on old thread

    nikita:i feel happy youre showing your true nature in few posts. feeling nauseous..
    (it reminded me of dorothea’s post to katarina that she shouldnt say: and this is your typical way of saying something. but no I feel happy at the beginning from katarina, which i myself preferred)

    not ivory, not calm, not girliegirl have a big chance to ‘get it’ on the blog. it was different when i first started reading it.

    this show has great cast but the change of script doesnt feel good..



  356.  #356sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    feeling nauseous was my feeling



  357.  #357Simply Shannon on November 19, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    This game doesn’t feel fun. Peace out.



  358.  #358Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    I feel sad about the change of script too, Sia. 🙁 Very sad.



  359.  #359Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    I feel an ache in my heart. I feel very very sad. *making very sad face now*

    Limp body.



  360.  #360Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    And to think this all came from posting that one little pof im convo….



  361.  #361The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Hey!
    I feel angry about this cross-posting!
    That feels like a diversion!
    That feels like a third party changing the script but blaming the first two!
    I feel angry angry angry! I feel safer when threads are kept separate. I feel good having the option of walking into the next room! I feel suspicious!!!! I feel curious about how that helps? I feel curious about the motive behind posting old stuff in a new convo.
    I don’t want all of the paint colors to smear. Why are you not giving the full context????? Why are you giving only a fraction? I feel mistrustful now. I suspect an agenda. I would like to drop it. I feel baited.



  362.  #362Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Nikita, just to clarify, I don’t have any problem with what you wrote…



  363.  #363Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Hmm…I feel very suspicious…been observing for quite some time now…Is Sia a Merman????



  364.  #364sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    ooh nikita, sorry you are feeling bad
    when you say i feel baited – do you mean that i baited you? not the intention.
    i like jump reading and commenting post to post.
    was it your intention that the overall comment (not just your true colours bit) feel encouraging to the new girl? Or what was the intention?



  365.  #365sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    Daring Ella,
    are you asking me? I dont know what merman is.



  366.  #366Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    @Sia:

    Well, if u wonder a merman is the male version of a mermaid…:) Unfortunately, there is no male version of a siren 🙂

    Feeling curious…u know???

    Couldn’t help but notice your style 🙂
    Brief comments…always detached…strategical…stirring up the pot for triggers in Sirens …:) probing, testing…yet, not sharing much 🙂



  367.  #367The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    I feel suspicious that there is a sarcastic tone behind your question.
    “was it your intention that the overall comment (not just your true colours bit) feel encouraging to the new girl? Or what was the intention?”

    I don’t believe the girl is new, Sia.

    I wonder if you know what a footnote or a bibliography is. I feel angry. I feel suspicious.
    If YOU feel concerned about a girl perhaps posting THAT on the applicable thread addresses to THAT girl might be more beneficial than getting into my head. I see only your blame and guilting of me-for not being the sort of welcoming committee you had in mind.
    I feel very sad that you are not “getting it”,as you say



  368.  #368sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    i feel flattered! even though, no, not a merman:)

    stirring up the pot for triggers – means, triggering people or noticing what triggered them?



  369.  #369Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    Sia:

    Well, u feel “smooth” in your operation …that’s for so…:)



  370.  #370The Nikita Show on November 19, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    Sia,

    That is what I call “the innocent question” technique often used by women with their beaux – this is in the e-book. I feel a loss of respect after the two questions that may be called, innocent. They are not. I feel the deceit in chest….fluttering….like moths.

    I am not asking you to change but I am sharing my experience with you in case this is a pattern you have with men…., it feels crappy and instantly disconnects. I don’t want to play with you anymore……* ( insert the sound of nikita’s patent leather heels…..clicking, as she **walks • away**…..swishing her tail swiftly from
    side to side)…….and I don’t want to attack you either….I’d like you to feel safe to continue exploring here.



  371.  #371sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    nikita, she posted on 2 treads, and on one of them i replied to her. I didnt see you replied to her on another thread until now which took me by fresh surprise.

    ‘I feel suspicious that there is a sarcastic tone behind your question.’
    i’ve been grossly misunderstood a few times and i’ve grossly misunderstood too. This was checking if the second case hasn’t occurred. I am always on hunt for meanings.

    ‘I see only your blame and guilting of me-for not being the sort of welcoming committee’

    if it is the ONLY thing you see, I guess I cant do anything:( It is your right.



  372.  #372sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    we crossed posted

    ,I feel a loss of respect after the two questions that may be called, innocent. They are not.’

    If I already decided this about someone, I wouldnt talk to them anymore. I feel appreciative that you are trying to help me with what you see as a pattern, i would have given up in your place.:)

    I am thinking now that you meant the post as encouraging, and the true colours bit was not the most important one, but the least. – anywhere near?



  373.  #373sia on November 19, 2010 at 9:49 pm

    darling ella,
    still not understanding the ‘smooth’ thing.
    do you like or dislike my posts?



  374.  #374Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    @347: Lucy says:
    “..It sounds more like a way to screen out men based on their voice who may be perfectly wonderful men in person…”

    I hope you all are still here. I had to go outside to walk around in the moonlight–had a bit of personal distress. Back now.

    Lucy, do you find that you kind of have an auditory image of the person’s voice in your head after reading their messages and never having heard the voice. I do that and it ‘s always a little shock to hear the real voice. Do you know what I mean? Doesn’t really make any difference I think but I imagine sounds as well as visuals.

    What would happen if the guy had a funny Donald Duck voice…see i guess you wouldn’t exclude him because no phone–a plus for him..unless you meet him and he also looks like Donald Duck or maybe that would be OK, ducks are kind of cute. 😆

    SLV



  375.  #375Senior Lady Vibe on November 19, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    @32d DE
    Thanks for the Rori post link. I’ll go read it now.

    Do I detect an argument going on? I took a quick peek, … I hope not…

    SLV



  376.  #376Darling Ella on November 19, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Sia:

    I feel tested 🙂 I feel like I walk on a landmine…:)

    In a few occasions your questions brought some good dialogue…but, again heart connections get my attention so much more…

    Also, sarcastic comments turn me off…I am ok with playful ones though…

    🙂



  377.  #377sia on November 19, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    DE,
    no testing. i was cool with either answer.
    i dont think in this place i intended sarcastic comments, just playful, but the lines are blurred and individual. thank for feedback.



  378.  #378Lucy on November 19, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    I like your questions, SLV.

    I try not to close myself off to a man even if I don’t like his voice. D, the one I’ve slept with a few times — I don’t really like his voice, but I wouldn’t consider it a deal-breaker.

    No, I don’t form an auditory perception of their voice in my head before meeting them. I usually meet them pretty quickly or not at all.



  379.  #379Katnina on November 19, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Hi sirens! wondering if any of you have suggestions for me on which of Rori’s programs I should get first? My original post (#127) got stuck in moderation for a while. I am re-posting it here:

    Hello, Sirens! I am very new to Rori’s work and i would love some advice from all of you on which of her programs will be most appropriate for my situation (wish I could buy them all but not in my budget at this time). I bought the e-book two weeks ago and Rori’s writing really resonates with me, I am learning so much already!
    Here are the basics: I’m 29 and i want my Happy Ever After. I’ve been in 3 imaginary relationships in the past year, after splitting with my boyfriend of 5 years (we grew apart and I couldn’t see myself marrying him, but I did learn a lot about what I do and don’t want in a relationship), prior to him I had 2 significant boyfriends and 4-5 imaginary relationships. The very last imaginary relationship is what brought me here, so thank you mr fireman for the message that I need to get out of my head and into my heart!
    I am very rational and for a long time have felt much safer stuffing my feelings and walling myself off from real connection. One of my friends once joked that I am like a robot when I am in work mode. It hurt, but I can see what she meant. In the past i was scared of the power of my emotions and I felt uncomfortable and scared of overwhelming a man with the intensity of my feelings (unleashing the drama queen).
    I’ve started circular dating and am rereading the ebook and working on the exercises in it, letting myself feel and journaling about my feelings and slowly allowing myself to open up, stopping myself from overfunctioning, etc.
    I want to learn more tools that will help me feel more connected to a man-to baby step my way to emotional intimacy, which is something I long for but am terrified of-and looking back, i have often substituted sex for emotional intimacy-I guess I am afraid that I will be rejected if I allow myself to be emotionally vulnerable so I avoid it completely?
    Which program do you recommend I start with, and why? Thank you all very much, i feel very inspired by everyone here!!
    Katnina



  380.  #380Kismet on November 19, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    My ex (baby daddy) wants me back now that I told him I’m leaving him seriously after a lot of bs he’s done and withholding things I should know when he was still seeing me after we broke up. My baby’s about to be here in two weeks. He wants us to marry. He says its me he wants, and the baby, not just one or the other. He says he wants a family with me and he knows he f-cked up bad and have hurt me a lot. I don’t think marriage is a good idea after all he’s done. I want to take it slow if he’s intent on getting his life on track for himself, me and our baby and if its me he really wants. I should’ve been this serious at leaving him earlier, but it took awhile for me to regain my strength.

    I feel confused about being back with him. I am pulled in opposite directions by him and my family. I would rather just not worry too much about it; accept what he has to offer if I feel like it and don’t if it doesn’t feel good (for example if I know he’s lying and bs-ing me). I believe that he may change for the better but I’m no fortune teller. I want to take tiny steps like Carol, but is there time when we have a baby on the way? He wants me to take a full leap at this, I am unsure…



  381.  #381girliegirl on November 20, 2010 at 12:26 am

    sia, I don’t understand your #356, please explain.



  382.  #382Daria on November 20, 2010 at 12:55 am

    Eh I wonder what Rori would say about this phone thing.

    I think its an of course that I would want to speak on the phone,

    Some people would think it’s an of course to do a full background criminal check,

    Some people would hitchhike,

    It’s all good.

    I still think saying No phonecall absolutely like I never use the phone is drastic and would work against the woman…

    I also think that this is not something applied equally to all men by siren in question

    I really want siren in question to open up her man quota some

    And ultimately to be happy

    And I feel rather helpless to influence her that way

    🙁

    And I feel bad for having kinda bashed at her and pushed get hard

    I don’t want her to stay in her cage – what it looks like to me –

    But it wouldn’t feel safe to get dragged out either…

    Fuc’k that. And I don’t want to do that. Ouch scary.

    Feeling sad thinking of that.

    Sorry Lucy.



  383.  #383janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:26 am

    daria,
    your #102 is blowing me away!
    there’s so much there!

    1. “realize I am never upset for what’s going on now ( especially missing a man desperately ) .
    2. It’s always a feeling triggered from the past.
    3. I’m realty upset because this reminds me of some situation with my dad!
    [or for me, janjune, it could be some *other* important man in my life too, but … usually somehow starts with dear ole’ dad, im seeing!]
    4. This helps me be more aware in the moment.
    5. CAN YOU THINK OF WHAT PAST SITUATION YOU FELT SIMILARLY?
    [i, janjune, feel this is brilliant to say this!]
    6. You don’t have to find one, just
    7. realize that the desperate Feelings are triggered now, but
    8. they’re yours, and
    9. you first felt them in the past, not now. Now they’re just being brought up again … 10. And making different choices now will heal the old stuff too..,
    Babysteps.”

    nearly each phrase of your comment is a “core concept” in and of itself!

    reading your comments on this thread feels like watching you harness your own power. i feel like im watching you gather it up and pull it in toward you and MANAGE it as *you* wish it to be and USE it, constructively, as you have expressed time and again on this blog is in your heart, is your heart desire to do so.

    i feel excited to see the world throwing challenges at you!
    And seeing you step up with the answer that’s full of personal integrity, whether it fits someone elses’ idea or not, it’s your authentic answer to the challenge. feels good to see you do this! inspires me! to be brave to live and do and be my authentic self too.

    I feel safer with people in the world like you who won’t compromise and who love and see the intrinsic value of all humans, not based on status or position or artificial measures of value and worthiness.
    i feel respect for you when you speak your words of honesty, such as stepping up and SAYING you don’t feel trusting of this “…….” that somebody said to you or about you!
    I want to be able to feel that and then say it, too!

    AND your:
    “Say no to the small things we don’t want right then while being open to the man as a whole.”

    AND your:
    “A real boundary is one you’d enforce with even your favorite people. Is one about being treated well.”

    i feel so inspired by your comments on this thread and some of the other recent ones!
    you’re right now, for me, an angel!

    ((hugs))
    janjune



  384.  #384Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:38 am

    Janjune – feeling lived and encouraged and great. Thank you – super glad I checked the blog right now



  385.  #385janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:39 am

    wow i didn’t think anybody else would be up! lol



  386.  #386janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:40 am

    but you’re growing so fast, it’s making my head spin… in a good way!



  387.  #387janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:42 am

    there was something else…
    are you still there?



  388.  #388Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:42 am

    Loved



  389.  #389Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:42 am

    Yup… Feeling curious…



  390.  #390janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:43 am

    are you still saying
    “I want to be a healer?”
    or
    have you started saying
    “I AM a healer?”



  391.  #391Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:51 am

    Janjune wow – I most definitely Am a healer

    What the hell ?

    This feels right

    Evidence? I got some don’t need some

    Yeah I think I’m a healer haha

    Indeedy hehe

    Whoooo celebrate

    I Know I’m a healer

    I’m the magic goddess medicine woman



  392.  #392Daria on November 20, 2010 at 3:55 am

    Oh my gosh! I did it! I feel powerful!

    I feel happy and smiling and super glad … This feels so good! I love this attention and I was feeling a bit depleted and here I am being seen and loved and it feels wonderful wonderful… Thank you Janjune Godess of Blessings



  393.  #393janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:58 am

    well im so happy that im starting to operate in my authenticity even when i feel scared!

    you know, of sounding like a know it all or something….

    but yes, i feel, have felt at least for the past month or more, ive really seen felt known you are a healer already too!



  394.  #394janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:09 am

    one thing that happened was when you were saying that when i looked at “F”‘s little picture on fb, i should hear him tell me that i had made his life so much better than he ever thought it could be and all those types of things about how i had influenced his life for the better,…

    well, i got to thinking, it took a couple of days, but i remember in summer of 09 when we were seeing each other and trying to decide what we were going to do,–be together or not, he said


    when you LEFT ME (I didn’t feel like i left him, he just wasn’t wanting to get serious with me) AND got engaged to that other guy, he said, I decided “Man, I’d better DO something with my life, SHE LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE.”
    He told me that he quit his job that he’d had, supervisor for ATT within like two months of my engagement and went out on his own as a professional photographer and he’s done that all his life now and made a good living at it. and he told me he went on the trip of his life to Peru because he’d wanted me to go, we talked about it, but he went….

    but when i realized that what you said about him telling me when i looked at that little fb picture was the type of stuff h’ed actually TOLD me in 09, i realized you were connected somehow, because i’ve NEVER mentioned any of this on here, on the blog, so you had no way of knowing…

    plus other stuff you’ve said recently to other people that i can’t rememeber right now, but i do believe you’re already there… as a healer”



  395.  #395janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:10 am

    Dear MAGIC GODDESS MEDICINE WOMAN!!!

    Welcome!



  396.  #396Daria on November 20, 2010 at 4:11 am

    Hugs! I just was gona write I feel scared too…

    Having acknowledged that feeling scared that it means I Owe something

    I owe nothing! I am Artemis!
    Big ups to the Artemis course at wise woman university,
    I only dud the free first lesson and got upgraded to I still feel teary now level of knowledge and power

    Tears falling down the side of my eyes

    I love being in my pelvis. Thecrest of my body might get tight and scared, but there’s always my powerful heavy pelvis

    Ohhhhh

    Gotta share this along with that this is important.

    There are three pumps of power.

    One is our root and nani

    Get straight and gently squeeze it

    Then, there’s the lower back.

    Let pelvis be heavy, push lowerback back and flat

    The third pump u’s behind the neck.

    Push back of neck straight, chin comes a little down and in

    This feels like head is suspended from a crown string

    Melt along this spine, let pelvis be heavy

    Use attention to adjust so that you’re holding pumps open…

    This will hold head up gracefully on neck, pelvis full and make u irresistible powerful and unharmable

    You will look like a queen. A true goddess

    The fluids and energy will gave free flow in your spine and being

    Try it, it’s easy

    When attacked by stares or thoughts, let squeezes and tightnesses play in the body all they want, just use attention to open pumps and let pelvis be heavy

    Magically, your demeanor will still be goddess in the midst of feeling scared etc

    Works amazing in the club,

    Prevents people from running into you , humiliating you, pushing you

    Attracts men’s attention like wearing pussy perfume.

    This is magic.



  397.  #397Daria on November 20, 2010 at 4:15 am

    Full moon shining straight on me… Thank you sister



  398.  #398Daria on November 20, 2010 at 4:17 am

    Like straight on me im bed moon spotlight

    I am magic

    I am free

    Awwuuuuuu



  399.  #399janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:19 am

    daria,
    this is the type of knowledge that is so important.
    the soul is just as wounded in so many people as are other people’s bodies and there are few if any healers of the soul!

    i feel excited to learn this new knowledge.

    they will one day find that this is just electrical or magnetic or etheric, unseen, is what im getting at TRUE knowledge of the universe, based completely. somedya on scientific fact,

    but the knowledge is heere for our use now if we can just find it!!

    i feel so happy!

    i feel happy that you are stepping into position.
    YOUR position!



  400.  #400janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:20 am

    ive just gotta ask

    what is puddy perfume? 🙂



  401.  #401janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:22 am

    well, i’ll check back for the puddy perfume answer!, think ill go lay back down.

    blessings to you daria!



  402.  #402Daria on November 20, 2010 at 4:28 am

    The goddess wears no clothes

    She will not be opposed

    With no as her weapon

    And yes as her snare

    She breathes

    All beings serve her

    As she serves her

    She is her only purpose

    To be and be herself

    Is universe

    She births and feeds and is fed upon

    The one that is everything

    There is no yang to the yin

    There is no side to the ball

    Man bursts forth and digs himself back

    Awash in thecpleasure of bring from and forth and back in the goddess

    She eats him

    She joys

    She is the everything

    Milky nipples on the top of her mountains

    Feed the tailfin children in the splashy wet

    Breath
    That is her

    Earth soppy mud dirt. Blood

    Tears and fears she eats and loves ever more ever fatter
    Ever more proportioned to

    That which is her

    How can one not love her who is everything
    When she is what ones made of?

    Only A curable blindness

    Welcome to this world human

    Here you will find many a special food



  403.  #403Daria on November 20, 2010 at 4:30 am

    Haha puffy perfume is spell check way of saying pussy perfume lol

    Like that woman in the bible month side of the road

    This man zoomed past my gfs and grabbed me… and others were watching me too

    This is the gf I used to feel unseen with!



  404.  #404janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:36 am

    well, i had to get back up and go downstairs and get this book–

    VIBRATIONAL MEDICINE
    New Choices for Healing Ourselves
    by Richard Gerber, M.D.
    Bear & Company Publisher



  405.  #405janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:39 am

    well. is puddy perfume pheromones?
    or is it just *whatever* attracts a man to a certain woman and not the others ?

    or am i missing the point completely? 🙂



  406.  #406janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:44 am

    ooh i just tried the three pumps of power

    like it!
    will have to practice more to get the pumps to stay open and let the fluids and energy flow.

    exciting and goddessey feeling even with feeling this tired

    well, really am going to bed this time.
    goodnight!



  407.  #407Luzydel on November 20, 2010 at 5:17 am

    I added the “del” to my name 🙂 I used to be Luzy…

    No dates so far, plenty of emails lots of flirting around and feeling less and less in need of male company.
    I am in the perspective that I am the price and not them, I feel no desperation.
    Spain guy was suppose to call me but he sort of wanted me to initiate. If he text me I will text back, if he calls I answer the calls. No chasing anymore! I am worth a little effort and if a man is “too busy” to pick up that phone and call me, then he is not that into me anyway. NEXT!!
    I told “fling” guy that if he really means what he says then he should show it with actions…he only called me once and I have no heard form him…NEXT!!

    Another Thanks Giving day on my own, but after five years of thanks giving days on my own I don’t care much;)



  408.  #408April on November 20, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Hi peeps,
    Ok where do i start. i think i am really addicted to this guy i have been seeing for 2 yrs. He was my former beau from school. we never really got anything going then until we met again after several yrs. He was hotly pursuing me at one point and then when i reciprocated he took a twist and decided to be just friends. then 6 months later he came crawling back to me. i took him back into my life hook, link and sinker, i’ve always think he is hot. but all the while we were together, he never once even talk about committing to a relationship. We have been intimate and most of the times, i do admit i am guilty of leaning forward. He just lay back and consume me. He also blatantly flirts with other girls and stupid me simply encourage him. i never want to broach about our “relationship” lest he freaks out and run away again. I knew sooner or later i do need to face the music of him leaving me for other girls, which has come sooner than i thought. Recently, he goes outstation for work and is still there, but i found out he has been texting and calling a girl from there. He only called me once and that was because i texted him first. So i decided now that it’s clear he is courting other girls, i wanna back off. I thought maybe i should just not contact him anymore until he does when he comes back from outstation. is that leaning back enough? If i meet up with him after that, i would clear this out with him. i wanna tell him that if he is going to have a relationship with other girls i don’t want to be in the picture anymore cause it won’t be fair for the girl and for me also.



  409.  #409sia on November 20, 2010 at 6:51 am

    382 girlie girl

    re 356: i think new people who come expect compassionate communication, and when they see this here, they lose faith in the very possibility of it.

    or are you not new, as i have been told by someone else?

    if you really think bullying is going on on the site, there is no chance. No bully is going to admit yes, i am a bully.
    like honey was saying she is worried about something- if a narcissist discovers rori’s tools, they can use them to manipulate people better. abusive women always have double standards, are always right and can manipulate their partners and most of the world to believe it.
    So if you think it is bullying, avoid the people doing it.

    I myself am puzzled by rori allowing the name calling. riffing is not supposed to happen in the face of the person who caused it. remember ingrid? she thought lots of things were sins but it still doesnt bother me more than hearing that the person we dont like is fake, or a bitch, or a robot.



  410.  #410Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 6:54 am

    Katnina, #380

    I recall finding somewhere here on this site a recommendation list of programs…

    Reconnect
    Commitment Blueprint
    The Modern Siren
    Toxic Men
    Targeting Mr. Right…

    I think this order would work for women who are already married or in a relationship…my personal opinion…

    Each introduction letter from Rori for each program, contains plenty of examples and questions that can help you decide what programs works best with u situation.

    I got the Modern Siren 1st and now I am waiting for Commitment Blueprint…As I think about it, I am not sure why I didn’t begin with Toxic Men (since I also attract), then Modern Siren, Targeting Mr. Right, Commitment Blueprint…

    Hope this helps…I feel sad to hear your story…I relate to it though…:( Baby steps as Rori says…

    Hugs 🙂



  411.  #411sia on November 20, 2010 at 6:58 am

    382 girlie girl

    re 356: i think new people who come expect compassionate communication, and when they see this here, they lose faith in the very possibility of it.

    or are you not new, as i have been told by someone else?

    if you really think bullying is going on on the site, there is no chance. No bully is going to admit yes, i am a bully.
    like honey was saying she is worried about something- if a narcissist discovers rori’s tools, they can use them to manipulate people better. abusive women always have double standards, are always right and can manipulate their partners and most of the world to believe it.
    So if you think it is bullying, avoid the people doing it.

    I myself am puzzled by rori allowing the name calling. riffing is not supposed to happen in the face of the person who caused it. remember ingrid? she thought lots of things were sins but it still doesnt bother me more than hearing that the person we dont like is fake, or a b itch, or a robot.



  412.  #412Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 7:12 am

    @Kismet #381:

    I read your post…Gosh, I can feel your confusion…:(
    Hmm… I admit this is a tough one for me…:(

    Have you tried asking Rori the same question?

    Daria, what would you respond to Kismet??? I feel curious…:)

    Big Warm Hug,



  413.  #413Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 7:45 am

    SLV – 269-270

    Yes, all good points here, and thank you. And all duly noted. Had to bail out of here last night (well past midnight) ‘cos something happened then I was too tired to find my way back in.

    Darn these time differences. If I want to stay up and play on here, when most of you are on, I have to stay up way beyond my bedtime.

    Am composing my reply. It certainly is very odd, getting to know someone long distance. Not very easy.



  414.  #414Katnina on November 20, 2010 at 10:02 am

    Darling Ella, thank you!! I feel grateful for your suggestions.



  415.  #415Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 10:26 am

    @345: Darling Ella says:
    “SLV:
    oh and the “frog” story…it is one of Rori’s old blogs…I think
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/lets-stop-bad-mouthing-the-frogs-and-look-for-the-message/ …”

    DE, that was an interesting post and thread from February 2009. I saw Mercedes first Rori blog post and Daria’s hopes for financial freedom.

    & this:

    @12:
    Monday, 9 February 2009 @ 8:19pm
    Erika says:
    “Over on the guys’ dating sites, they call the frogs “chodes” and teach them how to become Prince Charming … attracting women is a teachable skill. But I digress…
    …Anyhoo, I still highly recommend that girls on this site read some of the male pickup artist stuff to see a completely different perspective on “frogs.” Google the word “chode.” Lol…”

    As part of my research, perhaps some time this weekend I’ll Google “chode” and see what comes up.

    SLV



  416.  #416Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 10:42 am

    @SLV:

    Hmm…thank you for sharing about this…I will look into it as well…:( It would be good to exchange info…

    For some weird reason, I feel sick to my stomach thinking how likely I had been manipulated by men…I often felt weird dating…I felt the “game”…:( Feeling sad 🙁



  417.  #417Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Following on from my panic-striken reaction to WaveMan’s invitation to stay at his home, 500 miles away, for a first meeting . . . how is this for a reply?

    “Hi WaveMan,

    Thank you for the invitation! I would love get to know you in person.

    But I feel a bit overwhelmed by the idea of a whole weekend at once – and I find that I don’t feel comfortable traveling so far from home, or to stay, for our first meeting. I feel awkward saying this, but I need to feel comfortable. I would feel better meeting near my home, somehow. How can we work this out? What do you think?”

    ???



  418.  #418Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Should have said my situation is in post number 238.



  419.  #419Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Lucy, I apologize for the Judge Lucy comment. I felt mad last night (not at you; personal junk happening) and I lashed out. The words literally flew onto the page, and I hit submit before I could even think. You were my release valve last night. I’m sorry for dumping on you.

    I’m getting ready to write something to process my thoughts. These are not about you specifically. These are about this voice I’ve been hearing for quite some time now from several people, both on blog and off. I don’t want you to internalize it because it’s not you. It’s for me only.

    Okay that’s my disclaimer. I love you. I believe you know this, even if I make snap comments/ judgments.



  420.  #420Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Here’s another go at answering WaveMan (238)

    “Thank you for the generous invitation! I feel excited about meeting you in person. ☺

    But I feel overwhelmed by the idea of a whole weekend at once and I don’t feel comfortable traveling so far from home, or to stay, for our first meeting.

    I feel awkward saying this, but I need to feel comfortable. I would feel better meeting near my home, somehow. So how can we work this out? What do you think?”

    I dunno, “excited” is perhaps misleading. If there is a feeling word that is a mixture of curious and nervous, that would be what I want.



  421.  #421Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 11:10 am

    The message from the 3 men I have most CD contact with?

    Maybe it is just: “feel free to feel your feelings, express your boundaries, say ‘I don’t want’ etc.”

    It is to be honest and authentic.



  422.  #422Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 11:20 am

    This defensive, explaining voice keeps popping up around me (in me?). I feel exasperated and annoyed. Stop following me! I don’t want to feel baited. (Intrigued that Nikita wrote that exact word as I was thinking it last night before bed.)

    The bait looks so appealing. It’s all glistening and beautiful just sitting there innocently waiting to be eaten. And oh how I want to eat it.

    The bait is poison. It’s called debate (deBAIT) for a reason.

    I know this. My ex used to follow me from room to room with his bait. I would eat it like it was the best meal of my life and dish him back the leftovers until we were both so sick with poison. Ugh.

    So I will stop. Pack up my toys and go home when it stops feeling good.

    This feels right. My boundaries are the only ones that matter. I don’t want to debate. I only want to understand someone’s position insomuch as it helps me solidify/clarify my own. Everything is personal. I can still seek to understand and ask questions until I extinguish my curiosity. Then just stop. Don’t engage. I have to stop first. Check. Download complete.

    Thank you angels for showing me this message. I want this healed now. Amen and amen.



  423.  #423Daria on November 20, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Lorelei – I JUST LOVE YOUR MESSAGE TO WAVE MAN

    Omg SO SOFT!!! CAN I COME VISIT yOu and date you NOW!!! WOW



  424.  #424Daria on November 20, 2010 at 11:34 am

    I like the first version



  425.  #425Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Daria – you are welcome any time darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  426.  #426Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 11:47 am

    The great thing is, with having a few men showing interest, and I’m not very invested in any [yet!], it’s a lot easier just to say what I feel and want/want don’t. Because, in some ways, I don’t care how they react. Or how WaveMan reacts to the message. Brilliant.



  427.  #427Simply Shannon on November 20, 2010 at 11:48 am

    Hmmm… more processing…

    When I was a child I never spoke up. I never defended. Not once. I literally felt petrified of saying I felt anything other than happiness. My parents fought a lot when I was little. I remember my mom telling me that one day while reading in the back of the car I cried and asked them to please stop arguing. And from that moment on they fought behind closed doors (which we could still hear.)

    And then in my marriage things switched, and I couldn’t stop arguing. I couldn’t stop defending and baiting and being baited.

    It’s like I went from one extreme (silent doormat; no fighting) to the other extreme (constant fighting; you will NOT have the last word).

    I don’t want the last word. Okay maybe I still do but I’m not willing to fight for it. It feels uncomfortable to shut up and walk away.

    Walking away does not mean the other person is right or that I’m admitting defeat. It just means the discussion feels bad and pointless.

    I’m willing to stand here and listen while it feels good.

    I feel tired of this discussion. I feel overwhelmed and bored.

    I feel curious about XYZ. [Insert response.] Oh ok. Thank you for sharing. [omit explaining and picking apart why I think “response” is right or wrong.]

    Baby steps.



  428.  #428sia on November 20, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    hi shannon,
    I like your xyz.
    What about in a situation when a) says; i am curious about your intention. i am suspicious it was attempt at manipulating me.
    b) says: thank you for sharing

    should the debate end here?
    I am kind of thinking yes, it should for b), because people right for b) whould give her/him benefit of a doubt.
    But on the other hand this limits the pool of men.

    would feel good to read your thoughts on this



  429.  #429Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    @413: Darling Ella says:
    “Feeling sad …”

    Think about it a little while and maybe your mood will lift. You probably had fun and avoided the absolutely creepy guys and the others really do want to meet women and love them and don’t know how.

    The sad part is when the guys only learn to do routines and don’t grow in a way that makes real relationships possible. If you can think of a 50 year doing this stuff, doesn’t that make you sad for him…OK, a little sad, the other part…pissed off.

    If you are curious, let your “boy self” subscribe to a few of the lists. You will no doubt become bored with it after a while but it can be eye-opening. You might get a little pissed too!

    SLV



  430.  #430Daria on November 20, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Darling – is smokin hot!



  431.  #431Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    415: Lorelei says:
    “Should have said my situation is in post number 238.”

    I think your answer is in there too. In your own words.

    238

    “I don’t feel comfortable travelling long-distance to meet a man I met online.”

    SLV



  432.  #432janjune on November 20, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    shannon,
    i really connected with this
    “Download complete.”

    but in my head, it changed to
    “Download completely”
    [for me, meaning: once i feel myself in that trap, baited, and running with the bait, to just stop and DOWNLOAD IT COMPLETELY, and then move on 🙂 ]

    also your process:
    “It just means the discussion feels bad and pointless.
    I’m willing to stand here and listen while it feels good.
    [to me meaning: helpful, constructively working toward understanding]
    I feel tired of this discussion. I feel overwhelmed and bored.”
    resonated big time!

    ((hugs))



  433.  #433janjune on November 20, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    lorelei.
    both of your replies sound good!
    you’re doing great!

    i agree with the other goddesses, this man will likely be expecting that you will not accept his invitation!!
    too risky
    desperate

    “oh waveman, what you’ve suggested feels like an almost fairy tale weekend. i feel happy thinking about a weekend like that!
    Since we haven’t gotten acquainted yet though, i would only feel comfortable and safe to meet you in my city, close to home, and see if we both have an interest in continuing to get to know one another.
    I still feel very interested in meeting you.
    What do you think?”

    just my 2 cents 🙂



  434.  #434janjune on November 20, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    SLV
    Im just laughing my head off with you as THE RED QUEEN! LOL

    It’s got me singing that
    “and the white knight is running backwards and the RED QUEEN says off with your head”

    who was that? joan jett?



  435.  #435Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    SLV — 248, and Janjune — 430

    Hiya! Thank you so much for your comments. All 2 cents welcome and appreciated!

    I had to find a form of words that felt like mine, and I feel good that in a very slightly tweaked version of my first go (414) it was my ‘true’ feeling voice.

    And I sent it off a little while ago. I feel great. I do not have to worry about his, or any other man’s feelings . . And I’m fascinated to see if, or how, he replies. I am open to being surprised!!

    Janjune- you’re right that it did sound almost like a fairytale weekend! And part of me was very attracted to the romance of it all . . and the fact, that despite the all the Siren’s warnings, which were in my heart as well, I feel he is a decent and genuine man, rather than a smoothie type. That could just be the part of me that was a bit seduced, and flattered. I”m open to being wrong. But my instinct was that he was decent, a bit over-eager and lonely, but basically trustworthy. Even with this instinct, there was no way I was ever going to travel to meet him or stay with him.

    I am really interested to see how he comes back at me. Or if he doesn’t.



  436.  #436janjune on November 20, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    hi Darling Ella.
    hope you’re no longer feeling sad.

    it *is*, i believe, a game with alot of men.
    rori is helping us learn how to sort the players from those men who truly want to have a relationship with US.

    in the meantime i am now beginning to feel the fun of and fun with the players again…
    to me, they’re fun and light and funny and cool…
    and for me it is all in KNOWING that they ARE just playing and none of it is serious for them.
    that’s where i’ve gotten bitten in the past. :), not knowing.

    ((hugs))



  437.  #437janjune on November 20, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    lorelei,
    yes, it will be fun to see how he replies!

    a man of means could very easily re-route this date into something just as special and romantic in your city, town. he would not be limited by location in his creativity to create a fairy tale date for a woman he feels he wants to pamper!

    will be chacking back later tonight or tomorrow to see how he responds! 🙂
    🙂 Fun!



  438.  #438janjune on November 20, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    chacking! LOL



  439.  #439janjune on November 20, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    well, i got back on here to say i feel understanding about the belief systems not being reality.

    they’re not real… what? yes they ARE!

    well, no,.., they are/can be fluid.
    i don’t have to be locked into it.
    it changes, can change.

    so, for me, it IS reality. for me right now. but as the new knowledge comes in, i can move things around, and change it up and re-adjust, even if the beliefs are very very old, they can be moved or reordered into a different place.
    im seeing this, beliefe system, as very very fluid.
    yes they are there.
    yes they are reality
    for me
    for today
    they can change by me changing them
    based on what?
    on different view of relaity
    decideding
    deciding i don’t want that
    it maybe belongs to another person and i don’t want it anymore.
    want something different
    something that fits me
    open my eyes
    wide open
    look, what do i see
    not what am i told to see
    what tdo i feel?
    can i feel what i feel?
    do i have that right?
    am i going to fall into a black hole of nothingness if i feel the feelinbgs i have?
    rather than the ones im told to have?

    i don’t know

    but im about to find out.



  440.  #440Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Janjune – I will also ‘chack’ in once I have news!! 🙂 Probably not till tomorrow, as it’s late here now.

    Thanks for your support. It means so much. I just wouldn’t know how to attempt any of this, even with Rori’s programmes, without you all.



  441.  #441Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Breaking news. WaveMan just emailed a reply. This shows that he misunderstood it when I said I liked it when the man took charge . . he writes:

    “I quite understand your need to feel comfortable, and was more than a little surprised when you said that the male of the species should do the inviting.

    I don’t really know the answer – we’re hardly going to bump into each other for a coffee, 500 miles apart. Where is there a neutral and equidistant location? I’d love very much to meet you, but am really conscious of the additional strain that such a meeting places – on us both I guess. And if you’d like to meet nearer your home then I will need to find a good excuse to be in your home town. I’ll work at it if you will. In the meantime, and it could be a long meantime, keep warm and sparkling. Perhaps we should discuss this person to person!”

    I’m not going to do anything about it tonight, but feel that I will respond warmly, with feeling, that I hope he can find a good excuse to be in my home town.



  442.  #442Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Daria: I feel smitten 🙂 Your compliment is touching 🙂

    Love and Hugs to a Beautiful Dacian Goddess:)



  443.  #443Ella on November 20, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Lorelei,

    Great! It feels good when being honest and feelings messages work and things turn out nicely.



  444.  #444janjune on November 20, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    i also want to state and put out into the universe this belief that has been with me my whole life that i have not had the courage to live and trust:

    i believe love heals
    i believe in the goodness of people
    i b elieve that under it all there is a spark waiting to be acknowledged
    i believe people can see this in your eyes
    i believe too much/too little brain chemicals can disconnect people from others
    i beleive hardwiring of the brain can make connection difficult for people
    i believe there are other ways to reach people
    i beleive everyone can love
    and can feel loved
    and will respond to love when they are ready.

    it comes through the fingertips sometimes
    it comes through the eyes, the voice
    it comes through the vibration

    i dont plan to try to heal the world
    i just plan and accept what’s being set before me to use what’s mine to work through love toward the people who are in my life
    to commuinicate this that is very deep in my soul
    to leave them alone when they dont want it

    and to regard it as the most precious thing i own.
    i know i have a choice to use it or hide it and hide from it and its consequences…

    i feel brave and resilient and tried and tested enough to know it remains
    stil strong as ever.
    i feel trust.



  445.  #445Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Lorelei:

    I loved your message to him earlier as well…I really encourage you to wait on responding…Let him ponder over his own response…U might be surprised how he would come up with a plan by tomorrow morning…

    U are supposed to be busy tonite, right??? Not online waiting for his message right??? 🙂

    I don’t know, but I felt like getting in 🙂 Hugs



  446.  #446Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Janjune:

    Thank you so much for your encouragement. 🙂

    Hugs 🙂



  447.  #447Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    Hi Ella – 440- yes – this is very interesting, isn’t it?

    I’ve been following along with your thread about the man, and the men, in the pub. I’m so new to all this, and have little experience of things working out. So I don’t always feel confident to respond to other people’s situations – but I will get better. I’m really glad to hear how you’re being a Siren in what sounds like a very masculine environment. Your vibe must be very different to any other women there! Keep going and let us know what happens.



  448.  #448janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    well, lorelei!
    he is very upfront, isn’t he?! 🙂
    i love how men do that!
    i think they love when we do it too! (just my opinion)

    …it sounds like he went into default by suggesting that you meet somewhere “equidistant”

    and also “I’ll work at it if you will”.

    he’s bored!
    wake ‘im up!! 🙂 hee-hee



  449.  #449janjune on November 20, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    lorelei,
    also, im with DE about giving it some time before you answer… as she said, you just never know what “sleeping on it” might do for his imagination 🙂 lol



  450.  #450Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Darling Ella – 442 and previously.

    Hi! and thanks so much for your comment.

    Yes, I AM supposed to be busy, tonight, and yes, I am not much looking online for his answer, no. I just checked accidentally!!!! Scout’s honour.

    It’s very late here now and I will sleep on it, at least.
    And I need beauty sleep for a date with someone else, CatMan, tomorrow lunchtime!!

    I have been following along with your thread on here as well, and I feel for your sadness and the discouragement I sense in your earlier posts on this thread. I’m going through a lot of sadness due to separation and an ongoing divorce.

    You may know about this already, but I am often helped if I name the feelings I’m feeling, especially the difficult ones and, with closed eyes, almost get a sense in the imagination, of what they look like. It’s a sort of visualisation. When I can ‘see’ something in my mind’s eye, as well as feel it, I can then welcome the feeling, embrace it, love it as part of me. Sometimes I almost physically act out hugging or cradling a feeling that is very painful. And then things start to shift and get unstuck.

    I hope you find something shifting soon. You are a lovely goddess siren, and your authenticity about your feelings is part of that, not separate from it.



  451.  #451Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    I feel turned off when guys talk about meeting somewhere in the middle or equidistant… So many do, bless their cottons!

    I don’t hold it against them as they do not know yet they are dealing with a Siren

    But –

    Makes me want to scream NO NO NO!! That is NOT how you treat a Siren! Wake up man!



  452.  #452Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    Rori’s new post:

    If We Think About Something – Do We Attract It?
    Saturday, 20 November 2010 @ 7:45am



  453.  #453Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Janjune – 445/6 – yes, he is quite up front, but quite gentle too. I really like to hear from him how much he would like, no, love to meet me.

    How you do mean, “he’s bored”?

    And might I wake him up some more??!! 😉



  454.  #454Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    Ella – 448 – I know what you mean!!!

    And I’ve already said to him, loud and clear, that I want to meet close to my home at first!! I can always say it again, I suppose. Or say the same thing in a different way.

    It’s really ironic. Of the, oh, about 5 online men I’ve had any real, ongoing contact with, WaveMan is the one I like best, and the only one I haven’t met, and who lives furthest away. So what is the message? Attracted to the unattainable? Afraid of intimacy? Who knows?



  455.  #455Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    @448: Ella says:
    “Makes me want to scream NO NO NO!! That is NOT how you treat a Siren! Wake up man!”

    Do you have ideas for getting them clued in? Does Rori give suggestions or is the emphasis on staying local with finding guys for CD?

    SLV



  456.  #456Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    I must go to bed, or I will look haggard for CatMan tomorrow. Good night everyone, and thank you for your support.



  457.  #457Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    Lorelei,

    No I think you have been very clear… I just think men are not used to dealing with Sirens.

    I think you have done perfectly!

    And by the end of the message he was talking of coming to you! Just hold your boundary.

    How exciting to think he might step up.

    I wonder what will happen next.



  458.  #458Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    SLV –

    I think Rori just advocates feeling messages to state your boundaries about not travelling to meet men.

    Something like ‘ow, I would feel much more comfortable meeting local to where I live’ or even ‘Actually I don’t travel to meet men for dates!’ said with a smile in your voice (if on the phone).

    And then ‘what do you think?’ letting them come up with a solution.

    And then it is just about out-girling them! Hold your ground and just sit there or wait for them to come up with a plan.



  459.  #459Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Ella – 454 – you’re right – men are not used to dealing with Siren boundaries. Most of my friends would be all in “yes, I’ll meet you half-way” mode. It seems so quaint and old-fashioned to be communicating that we don’t meet half-way.

    It’s so weird – I do wish I could meet him, to find out if it’s as easy in person as on the phone.

    But if it is – more problems. He has his work and children 500 miles away. I have my work here, and I don’t want to relocate and lose all my personal and business networks here.

    Maybe I should be upfront about this. I don’t want to lead him on.



  460.  #460Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Lorelei:

    Thank you and I really appreciate u following up with my story 🙂

    I love learning about myself by observing and watching you all succeed using Rori’s tools…:) I love when you and the Sirens show us how to process u thoughts and feelings using Feeling messages…

    I am still a novice at using them ….but babysteps…it was hard for me to even open my mouth on a public site…but, I did it…I consider that progress 🙂

    Hope you have a lovely nite! Hugs 🙂



  461.  #461Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    @451: Lorelei says:

    “…And I’ve already said to him, loud and clear, that I want to meet close to my home at first!! ”

    I am brainstorming with myself and learning from this situation and trying to pull in stuff I’ve learned and done.

    Considering his response, I would not mention the words “close to my home!” He might take to mean 50 miles away!

    Hmm, what would I do???? I’d lean back and concentrate on myself and in our talks casually let him know all the fun stuff I do in my own neighborhood…until he’s just itching to try that whatchamallit ethnic restaurant and go see the thingamajig. … i’d speak of thse things because they are fun and part of my real life, I’d speak without expectation of him coming…

    …see what happens…

    SLV



  462.  #462Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    SLV #458

    Hmm…I feel intrigued by your advice to Lorelei…I actually love it…I am all ears SLV 🙂 Please share u wisdom 🙂



  463.  #463Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    SLV – 458 – BRILLIANT idea – just sharing some of the fun stuff in my life, without expectations . . but making it all sound quite attractive and fun . . .

    It’s not over yet!



  464.  #464Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    @55: Ella says:
    “And then it is just about out-girling them! Hold your ground and just sit there or wait for them to come up with a plan.”

    This is interesting. I’m learning by watching it play out, getting to see the many ways guys respond to things. I would not expect a man to say to me that he “needed an excuse to travel that distance…” I’d think I would be reason enough… 😆

    I am reason enough!

    Men!

    SLV



  465.  #465Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    @Lorelei

    If you are an artist or musician or actor and there is an event coming up that could be an “excuse.” Well not an excuse,,, but you know…a “target.” But I think you coudn’t ask him, he’d have to come up with the idea to come and see you in the Christmas play,,,something like that…

    SLV



  466.  #466Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Rori must have some ideas for long distance…

    ???

    SLV



  467.  #467Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    SLV re 458

    When I first read this post I kinda took it as though you were suggesting to try to manipulate the situation by talking about all the good things in your area.

    However reading it over again I don’t think you mean that and I am just wanting to understand…

    Do you mean like just focusing on your own life and being fab/feeling good to increase your vibe (and therfore naturally you pull)?

    And you did say w/o expectation…

    Still not sure if it would be my appraoch personally, about talking about all the good stuff in the area. I would feel like I was trying to influence the outcome. AND I would want him to come because of ME, not the good stuff in my area.

    For me nothing can take the place of strong boundaries, feelings messages and clear communication.

    Basically if you KNOW you are not going to travel to meet a man, nothing he does or says will change that. So he either steps up by coming or he doesn’t.

    Just my opinion.



  468.  #468Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Well, SLV, I am an artist, and there will be exhibitions again soon, though probably not till next year . .

    Or he could decide to sail his yacht down and around the coast!!!!

    Or I could elbow my way in and gatecrash some local Christmas or Nativity Play – “Out of my way kids, I AM the Archangel Gabriel.”

    [Child in audience to mother: “Why is that angel so old?”]



  469.  #469Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    re 461

    Yes – exactly! 🙂



  470.  #470Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    SLV – Rori’s ideas for LD seem to be “don’t do it, if you can help it.” But occasionally, it works out. Very occasionally.

    Ella – I don’t see the talking about local stuff as necessarily manipulative – perhaps hooks to hang feeling messages on . .

    It also feels important to convey that I have ‘a life’ and not just sitting on the rock, waiting for him to sail by.



  471.  #471Darling Ella on November 20, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    SLV # 462:

    Gosh, this reminds me of the scene from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”…where the women conspired and got dad to think it was his idea to do what they wanted …

    Indeed is manipulation…but a very funny scene…:)



  472.  #472Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    @461 – and yes, I am reason enough.

    But it’s how I communicate who I am, the vibe, how I talk about my feelings about my life, that will give him the idea that I am reason enough. And how i talk about my feelings about what happens with him.

    The “reason enough” might be hard for him to see at 500 miles without good vibrational stuff being spoken by me.



  473.  #473Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    464: Ella says:

    “Basically if you KNOW you are not going to travel to meet a man, nothing he does or says will change that. So he either steps up by coming or he doesn’t.
    Just my opinion. ”

    Yes, I think you are right about that. Yet, when two people haven’t met, they are relying on attraction whatever that is… I’d lean back and be me, in my skin where I am and the whole package could become more attractive.

    Or the guy might just fade away if I am as we say here “geographically undesirable.” Geography figures into the attractiveness factor. Some people will not go more than 20 miles… Depends on your options.

    SLV



  474.  #474Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    465: Lorelei says:

    “..[Child in audience to mother: “Why is that angel so old?”]..”

    ROFL… You could fit in…but I wouldn’t try for the Baby Jesus role… 😆

    slv



  475.  #475janjune on November 20, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    lorelei,
    actually i meant but didn’t say:
    “He’s bored with online dating! wake ‘im up!!”

    men seem to me to get into the ho-hum rut with online dating.

    by wake ‘im up, i guess i had in the back of my mind, to “practice” and learn how to slowly, no hurry, bring out in him the one scenario he mentioned that IS suitable for you… that of him finding a reason to visit your hometown.
    it sounds like he wants you to provide the reason….
    and by him stating that he will keep trying as long as you do… it felt to me like he’s bored with the typical online dating routine, like “been there, done that, ho-hum, let me know if you come up with something …”
    (… this is just how i *felt* reading those words.)

    so drawing him out, such as:
    ” i feel curious about the kind of excuse you think would be a good enough one to bring you to my hometown… (said or typed while smiling)”
    something very low-key like this, not even asking him the question, just wondering out loud, might wake him up to realize that you are no ordinary online date!

    oh well, you know, we’re all practicing, even when goddesses bring their date scenarios to the blog, it’s a chance for all of us to practice what *we* might do in a similar sitation… nothing more… opinions, thoughts, practicing!

    will be fun to see what *you* choose to do!
    i feel happy when i read about you navigating your way through these choppy waters!



  476.  #476Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    Uh-oh, I’m in moderation. I said “J’s us”…

    471: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    465: Lorelei says:

    “..[Child in audience to mother: “Why is that angel so old?”]..”

    ROFL… You could fit in…but I wouldn’t try for the Baby J**us role…

    slv



  477.  #477Ella on November 20, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Yes ladies,

    Agree with you all, however still feels a lil bit ‘worky’ to me.

    Like you are thinking about how to attract him to come to you. Which actually Rori does advocate in Targeting Mr Right, so yes that element does need to be there.

    However also important to keep the focus on you and let him do the hard work, planning etc…

    Flipping the attitude (and I know you have this already) – he is VERY lucky to have a chance to see you. He has to prove himself. You are leaning back watching to see whether he brings the goods.

    And of course being d*mn fab and attractive never hurt! 😉



  478.  #478Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    470 – SLV – on geographical undesirability – I live in a much more populated and central place than he does, and I have more options. He has mentioned how hard it is to meet women in the more sparsely populated place he’s in. So he may find more motivation!!

    And HAHA HAHA, no, I don’t think I’d better try for the manger-part in a Nativity play! LOL 😀



  479.  #479Lorelei on November 20, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    @ 471, Janjune – Fab suggestion about doing a bit of wondering aloud . .



  480.  #480Senior Lady Vibe on November 20, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    472: janjune says:
    “..oh well, you know, we’re all practicing, even when godd