This is fantastic! I’m truly starting to get a fuller idea of who you are and what your situation is – and yet I’m going to answer just off of each comment, as if I don’t know you, to give a better answer…
FIRST – it’s important that you know we are all DIFFERENT. Our personalities are totally different, our values are different, our deep-down themes are different.
I love the “Enneagram,” which categorizes personalities in a terrific way, and the Myers-Briggs personality tests that counselors use to help people find the professions and jobs that most suit them and most interest them. What they all show is that you can really see if a person’s “themes” – the way they act those out in the world, is to retreat from life because of fear, to behave dangerously because of fear, to want to joyfully try everything, to be focused on serving others, etc. – all kinds of ways to categorize behavior, based on what’s most IMPORTANT to a person.
And…there are a lot of inner reasons why one thing (let’s say loyalty, or security, or making peace, or anger) would be more important to one woman than to another. Why those inner driving forces would “run” one woman and not another.
So – my Tools are to help you follow the Rori Raye Mantra no matter WHAT your particular, unique inner driving forces are.
In the posts on Power & Self-Esteem, we’ve been working on line 2 of the Mantra – “Follow Your Feelings” – and you’re all getting SO good at it!
Now I see we need to get a clearer picture of how to Trust Your Boundaries and Choose Your Words – so that you don’t feel like your feelings are out-of-control and you find yourself acting on every impulse.
So – let’s start with Alias Girl’s comment – in this comment you talk about being too picky, and wonder..”…I mean I seem to have become a man magnet but how do I raise the quality of these men? what about ME is attracting low quality men? am I low quality and just unaware of it and these men are reflecting that back to me? what tool can I use to attract my dream man?”
Here’s what’s happening. You’re allowing all kinds of men to get into your space – which is WONDERFUL. This is totally the first step you need to take.
Here’s what’s missing, and where we’ll go next:
1. What you don’t FEEL yet – is that you have a CHOICE – and you DO!
2. The men you are attracting are not necessarily “low-quality” men. As you learn to SPEAK to them “I really felt icky when you said…” “I feel very sensitive. “Kindness and compassion and generosity are very important qualities for me in a man, and I don’t feel comfortable with being judged or hearing that kind of stuff…”
Do you see how you’re still thinking about “What do I DO?” – and we still need to focus on “What do I FEEL?” – and then practice saying that out loud to a man.
That’s what all these men are showing up for – for you to PRACTICE on. It’s much easier to learn when you practice on men you’re NOT hugely attracted to, so that when the really great guys come along it’s almost automatic for you.
I mean – we’re moving fast – but to really get this all down you have to practice. And that’s why these men are showing up – to SHAKE YOU UP!!! In a GOOD way!
3. You are attracting (and attracted to) men who are not the quality you want for lifelong commitment not because YOU are low-quality. It’s because you BELIEVE (somewhere deep inside) that you are low-quality, and that this kind of man is all you deserve.
That’s what we’re working on. To get you so loving yourself, so appreciating yourself that you whip around those old, deep, hard to get to beliefs about yourself.
So – Alias Girl – This is your focus – to get how this works. I want you to love and appreciate yourself – and then I want you to love and appreciate the fact that WHATEVER man has shown up for you to practice with, and I want you to FIND OUT, just by intuiting, and being, and receiving, what the MESSAGE is that he’s bringing. Find out what’s interesting about him. Find out why he showed up in your life, just by following your feelings.
Sometimes the message is: “I don’t have to do this again…”
Next post for Marplot about “Depressed” men.