If You’re Feeling Broken – This Is For You

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I loved this article – when I read your comments, I’ll write more about this.

For now – Sink In – no matter what you’re feeling…and let the good feelings flow with the sad feelings, the easy ones with the difficult…let it all be felt, because THAT’S where your POWER is!

Love, Rori



Posted in


  1.  #1Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Thanks again.

  2.  #2Liz on February 23, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Thanks Rori
    That about sums it up….you must have read my last post…

  3.  #3Senior Lady Vibe on February 23, 2012 at 7:24 am


  4.  #4Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I feel broken, and like I have hit rock bottom. And I finally get what Rori’s stuff really means. And now I am at a fork in the road, wondering which path to take. Both have a lot of pain. I am praying for guidance every day, which is new for me. And I feel like that is one of the life lessons I am learning. Another life lesson is that I cannot control anything, so I am finally giving that up.

    I know that in my soul I just want to live, really live life and be happy. So I need to pursue that for me.

    I have been crying for so long, but never let myself have a good deep cry. Maybe I need that.

  5.  #5Senior Lady Vibe on February 23, 2012 at 7:39 am

    @1023: Turquoise says:
    “..What if the by you is implied in the message? …”

    When I read those I’m reminded of something I learned, oh, about 1972. It stuck. I give thanks.

    I digress. Oh, it’s manipulative.

    Some guy once told me it was the “coy” kind of thing he liked… mainly because it meant “game on.” He believed it meant the woman was playing a manipulative feminine game and he considered it an “OK” to play his game. He would play his game with her until he got tired of her. So he did, I guess. I’m not into games. But I was intrigued by that reasoning and haven’t forgotten the story.

  6.  #6Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 8:25 am

    From previous thread:

    @ FW #1098 – When I asked him that question he stated that the benefits would be companionship and the benefit of whatever the outing is – for example going to the movies – the benefit would be seeing a movie I wanted to see. As far as for me asking myself the question I see those things as benefits too one one hand I can reap the same benefits from other friends and by cd’ing on the other hand I’ve been involved with this guy for 15 years so throwing it away seems a lilttle difficult and as I indicated in my previous post # 274 that’s the plan I will make an effort to put in place

  7.  #7Rose on February 23, 2012 at 8:27 am

    I love this part:

    “In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out?”

    Wow this was so soothing, I wish I had known this before when I was going through pain but I am so grateful to be aware now..

  8.  #8Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Mochaberri I would want to look 15 years into the future to see if I could be happy. The past is history and though the future is a mystery I would not allow the 15 years that have already passed tie me down to what I don’t want. Better to create something better with someone who might be out there looking for you. But that is me now …………….

  9.  #9Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Truthfully Mocha, I feel so disrespected and pissed at the benefits he mentioned.

  10.  #10Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 8:32 am

    In response to one of Kayla’s posts from the previous blog entry, which might be interesting to all of you:

    I was at an internet communities networking event yesterday and the speaker quoted some study which found that the max number of tight connections one could maintain was 150.

    The speaker said the take away from this study was that once an online community gets over 150 it is hard for people to maintain tight relationships.

    I wonder how many women regularly post on this blog. Is it over 150? And when the speaker said, 150, I thought that was high. I think it would be tough to keep track of the “stories” of 150 women. I think a lot of us feel invisible on the blog when we don’t get a response. But there are is much posted on this blog. And it is a wonderful place to write things, even if you don’t get a response.

  11.  #11Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 8:36 am

    @ FW # 8 and 9 – I beleive it was Bob Grant that suggested to either re-write your story or get a new story – not sure – either way yes the 15 year history is our old story and I feel that once I can get past that – I will see a new story with or without him.

    And yes when he said that about the benefits I was very annoyed – I understand it but I was still annoyed because that can be done with any friend

  12.  #12Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Mocha – Are you CDing?

  13.  #13Mel on February 23, 2012 at 8:43 am

    You know what’s so funny? Ever since his small daughter told me she loves me, he’s been stepping up in this department. Nothing verbal yet, but I got a “Luv ya!” and “Lurve, Mr. A” in my daily communiques. I feel really smiley thinking about his shyness… but not wanting to be out-done by his daughter. Cute.

  14.  #14Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I somehow got into cooking Osso-Bucco for M and I tonight… He’s making the risotto… Is this overfunctionning? Argh…

  15.  #15Radiant Rising on February 23, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Helloooooo everyone!

    It’s Apple Jacks from a long time ago. I had a dream about the blog last night and that got me wondering about the sirens so I decided to pop in, check, and say hello. 🙂 Let all be good! Bye.

  16.  #16Mel on February 23, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Siren Angel,

    Did he ask you to make it?

    If not…

    If he’s usually the step-up guy and you rarely lean forward, the odd offer of service from you is okay, I think.

  17.  #17Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 8:53 am


    I agree with FW on this one. I would not accept this behavior.

  18.  #18Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Mel, Yes he asked. He asked about dinner tonight (I was sleeping over last night). He said he felt like a risotto (he does it as he,s italian and his risotto si soooo delicious) then mentionned steaks. Frankly, I am sick of red meat. He then said ‘are steaks ok’ and I said ‘I was wondering about maybe something lighter, like veal, osso-bucco’ and he said ‘that goes really well with risotto. do you want to make it (I am not working right now for the past 3 weeks so have the time). I said ‘sure’. then some discussion on if I should cook it at home and bring it over later as it takes some time.

    I prefer to cook it at home and bring it over so he doesnt see me ‘doing’. The risotto is so fast, it’s basically the time to warm up the osso-bucco.

    he asked me to get mushrooms as I am going to grocery store…

  19.  #19Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:00 am


    I think we may be 30-35 tops here…

  20.  #20Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 9:03 am

    RE 11 I don’t see those as reasons a man would want to keep a woman in his life forever. I don’t see it as a something a man would say if he is feeling the attraction he needs to feel to commit to that person. I am hearing Rori’s voice in Reconnect saying a man can want us for companionship, sex, cook and a list of other things when we are in an imaginary relationship.

  21.  #21Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:04 am


    I would CD until I find some CDs that are really looking for something more with me down the road. During that time, if he is afraid to loose you, he may step up OR you will have found a real realtionship with someone else. Don’t invest so much energy in someone who is not giving you any or very little.


    I’m sorry of my comment is upsetting.

    I do believe you can turn this around with FMs and your vibe.

  22.  #22Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Siren Angel it might be overfunctioning but he did ask you to and you agreed. So I would see how I feel while doing it and bringing it over and seeing if I have to serve him and wash the dishes – then share that as you might need to set a boundary for yourself. Remember this is practice and mistakes are part of it while you get to notice yourself and how you feel. Don’t second guess yourself or beat yourself up, just notice how you feel and what you are thinking while doing this.

  23.  #23Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Also Wants to Hopeful it could be viewed as a journal where you get to write your interal workings and process your feelings. Writing is therapeutic and can help us to let go of our stories.

  24.  #24Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 9:11 am

    @ WTBH #12 – Not really. I have met a few guys. One guy was overly anxious which led to him being aggressive and it freaked me out. Another guy I met recenlty was interested but his cousin felt that he needed to clean up his own backyard before seeking companionship out with me

  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on February 23, 2012 at 9:12 am

    @10: Wants To Be Hopeful says:
    “…I was at an internet communities networking event yesterday and the speaker quoted some study which found that the max number of tight connections one could maintain was 150…”

    Who was the speaker? This sounds like “the Dunbar Number” based on Robin Dunbar’s (British anthropologist) studies twenty years ago.

    Dunbar’s study was on those relationships which depend upon face-to-face contacts… in other words “in real life” relationships.

    Friending strangers on the Internet would not be one of those unless a personal friendship resulted. Online people aren’t always as imagined.

    Another way of thinking is if these people don’t yet exist in real life for you, they aren’t yet “tight connections.” BTW, Rori says if a man isn’t in front of you, he doesn’t exist…

    But who knows… maybe “Skype” counts…


  26.  #26Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:14 am

    FW @21,

    Before getting Rori’s tools last summer, I would cook OFTEN, pick-up the dishes and wash them, even pick up after his kids!!!

    I have STOPPED that completely.

    The most I will do tonight is bring it over. I will leave all the dishes and stuff lying around like I usually do and lean back and smile while he is picking up and cleaning. This has been a HUGE shift for me. And I can see he feels masculine and purposeful doing this. It was freaky at first, but it does work!!!

  27.  #27Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Mel @13, ♥

  28.  #28Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:17 am

    I wonder how Emmie is doing with the situation with her ex and the dog.


  29.  #29Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:19 am

    WTBH @ 4,

    (((WTBH))) ♥ The tools do work, for me they are such a gift. You are a Siren.

  30.  #30Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Siren Angel I would get a script ready just in case he asks you to do it or things change. Maybe about how lonely you feel in the kitchen or that you just want to be enjoying your time with him and don’t want to be doing dishes (right now).

  31.  #31Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 9:25 am

    24 – SLV – It was the speakers opinion, and that probably was the study she was quoting. Her suggestion (because there is no study for online communities) is that people who are creating online communities should keep in mind how large a community could be to be successful. I call this one successful. I think when you have too small of a number in a web community, it is also unsuccessful. I think web developer communities are more successful when there are thousands sharing opinions, but that is a different case, and off-topic.

    FW – Yes, I agree, for me this is a place to write and get clarity on your own thoughts.

    The speaker is a psychologist who writes books on web site stuff. She wrote 100 things every designer should know, and another book. She speaks to web companies all over the country and gets people to think differently about various web stuff.

  32.  #32Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 9:26 am


    Thank you, this is exactly where I am at. It really helps me to put everything together that you have been saying about sinking into the feelings.

    I am coming down off the scaffolding and into my heart, and it’s a scary place to be at times. I think the toxic relationships kept me out pinging around on the scaffolding, too.

    I’m kind of crashing this week, and I feel better about allowing myself to reading this article.

    If I let myself be a spinning, fragmented jewel, I will grow deeper with more facets. I like who I am and I like who I am becoming even more. I love the visualization of riding the back of the dangerous crocodile!

    Thank you!

    Love, Brenda

  33.  #33Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Mocha – Do you think there might be someone out there who could love you more that this guy? Do you think that is possible? Could you even dream it or imagine the possibility?

  34.  #34Starla on February 23, 2012 at 9:30 am

    okaaaay i feel pissed still about getting blown off repeatedly but i see he is trying earnestly to move us forward in a positive direction and not just sweep it under the rug either, so i feel open to hearing him out now.

    i put myself in his shoes last night and see that what he did to me wasn’t really anything terrible. it was all HIS stuff driving him and paralyzing him. he wants to talk to me about his stuff and my stuff and how we can have stuff together.

  35.  #35Starla on February 23, 2012 at 9:32 am

    if i kept cancelling on someone and not calling when i said i would, it wouldn’t be because i don’t like them but because i was so anxious and stressed i didn’t think i could manage talking to them very well. i actually DO this sometimes.

  36.  #36Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Siren Angel,

    RE: #18 – We are way more than that. If you started counting, you would be surprised. I know I was the first time I tried. Then I realized why Rori has such a hard time keeping up with us all, not to mention all the clients she has outside the blog.

  37.  #37Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:38 am

    FW @29, Yes, good point.

    ”I just feel like enjoying fully a beautiful relaxed evening with you. Do you think the dishes can be done later?”

  38.  #38Starla on February 23, 2012 at 9:39 am

    I have many guys wishing me a good day every day, whether it’s by phone, text, or facebook. It feels pretty awesome.

  39.  #39Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:39 am


    I had not realized so many Sirens post on the blog. I realize some may just read us and not post though. I guess as I am new to the blog, I really don’t know…

  40.  #40Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 9:39 am

    “The thing about going through sudden or scary or sad transitions (like a breakup) is that one of the things you lose is your future: your expectations of what the story of your life so far was going to become. When you lose that partner or that job or that person, your future dissolves in front of you.

    And of course, this is terrifying.

    But look, Akhilanda says, now you get to make a choice. In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out?”

  41.  #41Starla on February 23, 2012 at 9:44 am

    What if I feel safe with CF anyway, even though he’s royally f*cked up? What if I know I can still trust him anyway (i do)? Am I fool? Should I not let myself trust a man who’s f*cked up, because it sends the message that he can do it over and over? because if he does it again, i’ll be even more attached at that point, and it will be so painful to have to end it after giving over all my trust.

  42.  #42Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 9:44 am


    RE: #1041 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/love-yourself-healing-in-los-angeles-and-wherever-you-live/comment-page-23/#comment-191141: “Brenda that is so cool that you actually TOLD Ryan how you feel. That is so freakin aweeome and aligned and healthy and brave and real and ohonest and it makes me respect and trust you and feel safe with you so mich. I think you are healing and gettins self respect and self exteem. i dont know where its coming from but that practive is paying off – that is where its coming frmo,,, its like you are really powering up and im feeilng really quietly good and safe and like relaxed atching this. its so cool that th tools and stuff iare really working for you.. yay… we are so progressing sister i will heal and honor myself and be real . yay!!!! you re so gonna start getting what you want now”

    Daria, thank you so much! I feel so good reading that! I have done that with him at various times all along. In 2009, it came out as yelling and swearing. So obviously it wasn’t well received.

    Then this time around, I had developed communication skills. I had confronted him many times in many ways in the past, actually. But he always denied it, etc. Then most recently, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had changed.

    When it became apparent that he hadn’t, I just kept texting him with feeling messages until it broke thru. What is cool is that we have developed so much trust and respect that after we agreed to stay apart for a while, I offered to follow thru on lending him a bunch of Christian music CDs. I had already offered them and he said yes, because music soothes him in his schizophrenia as nothing else.

    I feel grateful that because of our established trust and respect that he said yes, and I am going to give him a big container of CDs, and I know it will help him. It just feels cool that we can be so peaceful and harmonious even tho we are apart.

  43.  #43Starla on February 23, 2012 at 9:45 am

    *he has royally f*cked up.

    Not “he IS royally f*cked up”

  44.  #44Iamabutterfly on February 23, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I feel really angry at myself. Jack CD was lingering to talk to me and I literally ran away from him the other night.

    Then, I bumped into him again, felt really uncomfortable, and couldn’t even communicate how uncomfortable I felt since I was heading out the door when I bumped into him.

    For the first time, he was missing at a weekly function with MY church he usually attends. He asked me if I was there and I said “no.”

    Then, he told me that he went to a different weekly function, that was closer to where HE goes to church, instead of the one he usually goes to, which is closer to where I go to church.

    I feel confused. Has he been going to the ones near my church to be closer to me?

    Why did he tell me that?

  45.  #45Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 9:52 am

    The Inside Job We Do To Make A Relationship Work With A Man Out There

    And Here’s How To “Do” What Works In A Relationship – Even With The Expectations And The Anger:
    1. Speak your expectations out loud, or onto paper.

    Hear yourself say the words, read what you’re “thinking.”

    2. Feel your anger and resentment the moment you hear and read the words that are in your head.

    Really allow yourself to feel it all.

    3. Now STOP.

    This is the place where you usually (if you’re like me and most women) go down the WRONG road.

    This is where you start tensing up and feeling confused about what to do, and start bouncing around with ideas – ideas of revenge, of walking away, of angry speeches, of good speeches spoken correctly with my “Feeling Message” Tool about your needs not being met, of wanting to scream with frustration…all kinds of “doings.”

    This is where you start to “try” to “figure things out.”

    This is where, if you’re alert and are working to be more aware – you’ll notice all the different ways you could “perceive” the situation: “He’s angry, he’s tired, he’s depressed, I did something wrong, we’re not well matched….”

    …and as you go through all these possible “meanings” and “perceptions” about what’s going on with him and with you and with the relationship – and all the different feelings you feel and all the different things you want to “do” – you’ll notice what’s operating here: your mind.

    You’ll notice that you’re trying to solve the problem in a much more “conscious” way – of looking at all the possibilities instead of just the one road you usually travel down.


  46.  #46Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 9:53 am

    @ FW #19 As always I agree with you that these are not reasons to keep someone around especially if the attraction to commit is on the table. I realize that the level of maturity is very different even if we are the same age and how it screams imaginary relationship especially on his behalf – I want a real relationship and at this time he is not stepping up to offer that.

  47.  #47Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 9:55 am


    ‘Has he been going to the ones near my church to be closer to me? ‘

    I would think you are assuming… but could be right on. Is there some way you can ask him ‘what he thinks’ of the different functions/churches? And tell him how you feel about them, how you feel there (without getting too much into the ‘spiritual’ but staying close to his heart)? He may state he wants to be where you are…

  48.  #48Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 9:55 am

    “These 10 Steps Are Something For You To Do In Your Relationship With YOU That’s A Kind Of “Practice.”
    A kind of meditation (though it looks nothing like a traditional meditation.

    The idea is for you to get so familiar with not being anywhere and not thinking anything and not doing anything that you start to get COMFORTABLE with it!

    The idea is for you to take a NEW road that has no clear-cut examples to follow and feels completely by-the-seat-of-your-pants.

    There IS a point to this.

    The point is that doing this changes your “normal.”

    And when you get a “New Normal” – (more on this Tool is in my Reconnect Your Relationship program) – the man who shows up (even if it’s the man you’ve been with for years) is different.

    Your New Normal brings with it Confidence. Peace. Comfort….Happiness”

    more from the article

  49.  #49Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 9:58 am


    RE: #40 – from Rori’s recent thread article about anger: “There are many ways to work through anger – Byron Katie’s “The Work” is one way – asking yourself if what you’re thinking that’s causing your anger is “true” – and my favorite part of her work – “Who would I be without that thought?” or my version I say to myself – “Who would I be if I wasn’t thinking that thought?”

    Another way is to simply embrace whatever it is you’re feeling, encourage it to speak to you, encourage it to feel heard by hearing it, and then simply saying out loud what the voice is saying to you – as the “you” that’s consciously aware of the voice of anger and how it’s talking to you.

    “I’m feeling angry at myself. I’m feeling angry at you. It feels like a lump in my heart and hurts right here…””

  50.  #50Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I intend to clean today.

    I intend to cook an osso-bucco today.

    I intend to do my yoga practice today.

    I love me and all about me because I am a Goddess and I am ‘the One’

    I am grateful for the present every step of the way.

  51.  #51Iamabutterfly on February 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

    @46 Siren Angel – Thanks for responding! I may be assuming, but those questions sound perfect. Thanks again! 🙂

  52.  #52Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 10:08 am

    # 16 and 21 – Siren Angel – Yes I am meeting a new guy this coming Friday. I have an old CD that I’ve been chatting with but the vibe I feel is that he only wants to have sex – I’ve made a new year’s resolution that I’m not going to have sex unless I’m in a committed relationship. I’ve also decided awhile back that I will no longer do recyclables.
    KR was granfathered to my NYE’s resolution since we were still working things out. I CD myself and hang out with my friends and enjoy the moment. I’m still struggling with if and how to keep KR around for sex making him my sex CD – I know I know – just be gentle with me on your comments.

    I agree that during that time he may step up if he feels that he’s loosing me because I will no longer focus on him and his needs and naturally I will become less available. It is very possible that using these tools I will find someone that I can have a real relationship with and he will have to let me go.

    Yor comments are in no way upsetting me – I value all the comments and advice I receive. In fact I feel empowered from the support on this site!!!!!!!!

    I very well may be able to turn this around with FM – as I stated before this being friends thing will allow me to be true to myself when communicating with him by being authentic and truthful – I’m no longer worried about his needs being met and putting myself first.

  53.  #53Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 10:09 am

    @ WTBH #32 – YES!!! YES!!! and YES!!!!

  54.  #54Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Iamabutterlfy 🙂

    Mocha 🙂

  55.  #55Siren Angel on February 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I don’t know which Siren mentionned the site ‘FlyLady’ on the previous blog thread, but I have just signed up and love the COZI calendar that is included! You can add recipes from the Web, do your grocery list, assign to-dos for all family members and have all the information available on your mobile phone or by text message. It’s awesome!

  56.  #56Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Reporting to Team Stop Procrastinating

    I have to say that I’m doing pretty good so far. I have do a big part of my todos list and I am really focusing on myself.

    I have run my biggest run so far this season and I feel very proud of it even if my time was not so good. I did my workout and now enjoying my smoothie before having a hot ans soothing shower.

    The run probably helps a lot with all its endorphins, but I am feeling extremely great right now. Like very strong and very powerful. And this is not related to any man, it’s only because of me. 🙂

  57.  #57Starla on February 23, 2012 at 10:29 am

    yay Lizka, i feel so jealous of your day off 🙂

  58.  #58Starla on February 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

    FW, thank you for posting those relevant articles:)

  59.  #59Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Oh Siren Angel!! I want to try FlyLady too. I went very fast on the site and didn’t explore too much. It sounds fun and I will definitely go see more later!!

    Thank you Liz for the suggestion!!!

  60.  #60Starla on February 23, 2012 at 10:51 am

    my close guy friend just started insulting CF to me, saying he doesn’t like him and questioning his manhood. I told him to watch his mouth talking about the only man who has ever treated me decently for longer than a couple of months. I don’t care if it was masculine of me….i feel furious hearing anyone talk sh*t about CF. I’d feel more furious if my friend wasn’t such a generally negative person lately.

  61.  #61Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

    ((((((((((((((((( I amabutterfly ) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    I know you posted something to me on the last thread and I will go back and review and responds to you

  62.  #62Daria on February 23, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Anankylanda, my favorite Godddess! Hi!

    The goddess of this path

  63.  #63Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 11:04 am

    From previous thread

    Iamabuttefly #301 – Thank you for your support on my plan on how to “be friends” with KR and focus on me and begin CD’ng. Glad it may be useful to you.

    I have to begin trusting more in myself and if I no longer feel comfortable with this I have the power to shift my vibe and change how things are going.

  64.  #64Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Kenny called me after I initiated a ten day blackout. Instead of trying to work on our friendship, he just sounded cold, feeling me out to see if I would be warm. I just let him guide the conversation, and there was a lot of silence.

    He said, “Ok, just checking to see if you’re all right. I see where this is going. I’ll call you sometime, ok?”

    Which in Kenny talk means he will probably call tomorrow. I am really not trying. Just if he wants to be my friend, let him row the boat for once.

  65.  #65Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 11:12 am

    You are welcome Starla. Imagine that you have what you want with CF and see how it feels. Rori talks about practicing that in Reconnect to help you change your thermostat level.

  66.  #66Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Mocha #51 & 52

    Good for you! And I am so there with you right now in so many ways! I am not happy with the crumbs I am getting and I am working on reinventing myself and my “stories”. Except I can only CD by allowing men to flirt with me at the gym. Which I am FINALLY allowing myself to do. It is really hard because when single men talked/flirted with me in the past, I felt bad because I did not want to lead them on. I am trying to just enjoy it now.

    And I am wondering if I can heal my 15 year relationship by changing my vibe, leaning back and changing my FM to something else. Right now, we are both in pain.

    Oddly, I am listening to Tony Robbins videos right now for inspiration. I never thought I would see Tony Robbins as inspiring for me. He says Men Burp and Women Dance to Shift their body and release trapped emotions and move into a new story.

    I am proud of you Mocha. You go Siren!

  67.  #67Iamabutterfly on February 23, 2012 at 11:32 am

    @61, 63 Mochaberri – Thank you so much! I’ve been feeling really neglected on the blog lately, but I realize that a lot of it has to do with my own neglect of the blog and really…of myself!

  68.  #68Starla on February 23, 2012 at 11:36 am

    i texted CF to let him know I could have time to talk if he helped me get my errands done when I get off work cuz i’m feeling ridiculously busy these days. no response, it’s driving me crazy waiting for his response. How can I feel so dumb or needy when HE’S the one who says “ANY TIME, ANYWHERE, even if it’s at 11 at night and I have to drive down”

    It’s like no matter what the guy says, I’ll think i’m not worthy or I’m a bother.

  69.  #69Starla on February 23, 2012 at 11:37 am

    iamabutterfly, i’m sorry you’ve been feeling neglected. i’m not the best at keeping up with everyone all at once. I tend to focus on one or two sirens at a time.

  70.  #70Iamabutterfly on February 23, 2012 at 11:42 am

    @69 Starla – awww, thanks. I totally understand. There are a lot of Sirens here, and honestly, I am the same way. if I didn’t pick and choose, I could lose a lot of time on this blog!

  71.  #71Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 11:56 am


    I get scared of men, too, sometimes. Far more in my past. One of the very first men I was attracted to was when I was 16.

    I was helping my aunt and uncle move, and I spent the day lifting and carrying. I was oblivious to romantic attraction at the time. I had no idea how to connect with a man. I was extremely attracted to one man who was helping, and we joked around as we worked together all day.

    He got in the car that I was riding in with a group to take me home. When we got to my house, he got out of the car, left the car door open, and held his arm across to it, completely blocking my path, in an attracted way that said, “I want to say good night to you.”

    I freaked out! I had never had a man show me attraction before except once. Except THIS man I felt attracted to!

    I darted under his arm and into the house! Then I spent the next month beating myself up, because I SO wanted to see him again! But I never did.

    If I knew then what I know now…

  72.  #72Goodheart on February 23, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Radiant Rising – helloooo Apple Jacks! I was posting back when you were. I just recently returned too, to see how everyone was doing.

    Hope you are well 🙂

  73.  #73Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    @ WTBH #66

    Thank you so much for the support!!! I know that you will use all the tools that you have and this blog to change – that’s how I am able not to mention my #1 soure – God. I understand and feel how you both can be in pain – me and KR are also both in pain.

    I’m proud of you too for babystepping!!!!!!!!!!!!

  74.  #74Mochaberri on February 23, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    @ Brenda #64 – wow I see you are cd’ing with Kenny. I recall you mentioning him before and I feel so proud of you for being able to set your boundaries with him.

  75.  #75Daria on February 23, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    I started posting when I was one of two bloggers so I started w the concept that I’m posting for me, not for responses.

    I feel glad… That feels grounding safe.

  76.  #76Starla on February 23, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Daria, who was the other blogger?

  77.  #77Senior Lady Vibe on February 23, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    @31: Wants To Be Hopeful

    That is exciting information about web communities. I’d like to learn more. If you could give the speaker’s name and link that would be great, if you don’t mind sharing.

    I belong to several online “communities” of various types; I joined a new one this month. I’ve let a few drop also.

    I’ve noticed that communities often fade when there aren’t many different posters frequently posting. One minute everyone is there with a flurry of posting and then it qets quiet and becomes “vacant” (I hate to say “dies.”)

    However there always seems to be activity on the Rori blog. I suspect there are many more sirens reading than those who actually post comments. I’ve haven’t counted how many different people comment on each Rori post but I did make some “guesstimates” last year relative to a dating survey.

    Are you webmastering a community/ forum/membership site? I’m very interested.


  78.  #78Daria on February 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Alias Girl

  79.  #79Daria on February 23, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Then soon after Reshi showed up

  80.  #80Starla on February 23, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Reshi!!!! i wonder how she is

  81.  #81Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    The speaker was Susan Weinschenk. She is a psychologist who writes and speaks about all sorts of internet stuff. Social communities was only part of her discussion.

    These are her books on amazon:

    She has another book coming out later this year.

    This is her site:

    And yes, I am in the internet biz, but I only know about communities because I need to for my job. I do not administer one or anything like that.

    Hope that was helpful.

  82.  #82Iamabutterfly on February 23, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    @71 Brenda – Glad someone can relate, lol. 🙂 I always want to run away from men when they seem to show interest in me. Okay, actually, I take back the word “always.” I only want to run away when it gets to a certain point, and I feel like I never know when that “certain point” is going to be. Then, he backs off, and I feel “safer” and start feeling normal again, and then he becomes more interested, leans forward, and I proceed to “run away” again. I have no idea how to stop this…

  83.  #83Daria on February 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Iamabutterfly – I feel the same way

    I just stop . Breathe. lean as far back as possible till I’m glued to a wall . Look in his eyes and smile if I can.

    Let him see me shake.

    Open my pelvis.

    Feels sooo vulnerable omg.

  84.  #84Silver Moonbeam on February 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I just found out a few hours ago from my other sister (I have 2) that youngest who I met up with last Saturday and seemed so cool and with it doing the dating thing took an overdose this morning.

    They have been at the hospital all day, she is home now and is OK, her daughter and the baby jumped the train from London, her other daughter from out of town is there too, they will all 3 stay with her for a few days.

    Seemingly she has not been as cool as she pretended and is SO NOT OVER her husband’s death that the interactions from the dating sites have had her ever spiralling downwards into depression………

  85.  #85Daria on February 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    It has def started to feel more comfortable over time.

    Along with terrifying it also feels fun flirty and powerful

  86.  #86Starla on February 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Silver Moonbeam, I’m really really really sorry to hear about your sister. A deliberate overdose? Or accidental? unfortunately many pharmaceuticals are often accidentally overdosed on.

    I am sending her my love.

  87.  #87Silver Moonbeam on February 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Why oh why did I not see this last Saturday when she put on this act of being so cool and together?

    She “made” me look at myself and my fear of the dating thing, like well if S can do it and her husband has DIED well then what is holding me back?

    But life is never that simple.

    I had been having such a great ME ME ME happy happy day until the phone call. 🙁

  88.  #88Daria on February 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Oh no silver moon! If she had a site like this for support like we do it would help so much!

    I feel powerless sometimes to help people when I think I know what can help… But I don’t trust myself to inspire them. Aww . Me.

    Glad she is ok now. Feel kinda mad. Wow I feel moved by this.

  89.  #89Silver Moonbeam on February 23, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    #85 Starla

    Deliberate, though not too bad just paracetamol and Co-codamol but bad enough – a cry for help probably, when our other sister V got there she was in bed and had been crying hysterically for HOURS and was surrounded by photo’s of her late husband, sooooo freaking sad.

  90.  #90Mel on February 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm


    I soooo had this issue (and still do to some degree).

    When I feel too “adored” I feel a bit claustrophobic. My thermostat for receiving love and affection is definitely higher now. Just by forcing myself to receive a little more and a little more.

    A good FM I ised when Mr. A expressed interest in intimate relations and I was not quite “there”…

    “Hmmm…. I feel so flattered and excited and even turned-on at the thought of that possibility. It’s not that I don’t want to… and I certainly feel attracted. But truthfully I also feel a bit of mild panic; it’s just mild though, so that’s promising for you…. I may need to work out a few things first, in order to feel ready. I’m a bit of a complicated girl and when I figure out my feelings around this can we talk about it some more?”

    He was super respectful and when I was ready, I gave him the no sex outside of a committed relationship speech (that’s what I figured out was bothering me/holding me back).

    Anyway… just be honest and allow yourself to receive more and more love every day! 🙂

  91.  #91Silver Moonbeam on February 23, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    #87 Daria

    Thank you so much. My sister V said they are going to try and get her some PROPER bereavement counselling as she so obviously has not dealt with his death properly.

    I swear to God that EVERY woman on this blog would have LOVED Mark he was such a great and special man she must be grieving him terribly.

  92.  #92Starla on February 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Your poor, poor sister.

  93.  #93Starla on February 23, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I’m not a doctor and this might not be a popular thing to say here, but marij*ana is far safer than any over the counter or pharmaceutical drug, and far safer than alcohol. it’s never ever ever ever EVER resulted in an overdose death since the beginning of humanity. this would be a safer alternative for her when she feels like she can’t handle sh*t anymore.

  94.  #94Silver Moonbeam on February 23, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    I hear you Starla PERSONALLY I have nothing against mariju*na, her problem was she drank excess alcohol and listened to romantic love songs and looked at old photo’s…………..I’m sure we have all been there………….I know for sure I have……and it can lead us into the pits of despair…………

  95.  #95April Rose on February 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    (((((((Silver Moonbeam and your sister)))))))

  96.  #96Starla on February 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    omg the alcohol..the alcohol has this magic quality of driving people to do stupid stupid self destructive things while under the influence.

  97.  #97Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Ahhh I’m getting bored of doing my chores!!! Team Stop Procrastinating where are you???

  98.  #98Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    ((((((((((Silver Moonbeam))))))))))

  99.  #99Starla on February 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Lizka, set a timer for 15 minutes, put on a playlist of a few songs, and goooooo!

  100.  #100Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Starla I already have music, but 15 minutes?! Why?! I have like 2 hours more of cleaning to do 🙁

    And now I’m at the part of giving a bath to my dog and I know she hates it and I feel so bad for the poor things who is now lying on my knees and doesn’t know what’s coming for her… 🙁

  101.  #101Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    poor thing*, no S… I was talking about my dog…

  102.  #102Sassy on February 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,
    Thoughts, love, hugs and prayers to you, your sister and your entire family. Keep us posted by how she (and you) are doing.
    Much love

  103.  #103Starla on February 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    15 minutes because it’s a manageable chunk of time. one foot in front of the other to get to 2 hours, 15 minutes at a time. After each chunk of time, take a little break:)

  104.  #104Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    83 SMB – I’m so sorry to hear about your sister! How awful! 🙁

    I hope she gets the help she so obviously needs to heal her heart.


  105.  #105Starla on February 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    one foot in front of the other, 15 minutes at a time. Even if you don’t make it to two hours, you’ll have accomplished more than you would feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed by how much is on your plate. and you’re more likely to actually make it to two hours this way

    hope this makes sense.

  106.  #106Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    ((((((Silver Moonbeam))))))

  107.  #107Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Yeah Starla it makes a lot of sense. Wouldn’t it be better of I do 1 chore than one little break? Every chore is about 15-20 minutes anyway…

    AH MY GOD!!!

    My dog is so mad at me because I gave her a bath that she just pied on the floor to punish me!! She like NEVER do that and she was looking into my eyes while doing it and not feeling bad at all!!!

    Hahaha I just can’t stop laughing!!

  108.  #108turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Silver Moonbeam, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. Please keep us posted, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!!!!

    Sirens, I recommended the Flylady site and have been doing it off and on for years. IT keeps me from getting too far behind, and reminds me to love myself and let things go! She really pushes letting go of what you don’t love and simplifying your life. She also wants us to be our best selves. Take care of ourselves. It’s a great site! She has tools too… and books, 🙂 She does for the home what Rori does for our soul!

  109.  #109Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I did not go thru the blog today really, just wanted to tell SA that I like to cook too and I cook for CD’s no problem. It normally happens at a point in a relationship when we went out at least several times and they treated me to nice meals. I feel it’s perfectly normal to cook for your bfriend if you enjoy it. They normally help me clean up, but overall I do treat them as guests.

  110.  #110turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm


    Flylady recommends working for 15 min. in one room, then 15 in another, and then 15 in another (or go back to the first) and then take a 15 min. break.

    She also says never to pull out more than you can put back in 1 hour, as it’s too overwhelming. (like cleaning out a closet)

    You are doing great, and I’m laughing about the dog. Mine needs a haircut and a bath tonight, oh joy of owning a stinky little dog!

  111.  #111mali on February 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I broke yesterday when P told me J wasn’t looking for anything with anyone.

    I love that I can be vulnerable and human, and that I can allow myself to show myself breaking.

    This really inspires me, Rori. Thankyou <3

  112.  #112Starla on February 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    lol lizka your dog is cute!

  113.  #113turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    The idea of cleaning in rotation is that you can get a lot done in 15 min. and a room will look noticably better. If you clean one room for 45 min. might be spotless, but how does the rest of the house look? She also says not to worry about making it perfect, like vacuuming under furniture, you can do that another time… but when you need to clean up quick, it doesn’t have to be perfect. She says, housework not done perfectly still blesses your home and family.

  114.  #114Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Thank you for advices Turquoise and Starla!

    “She also says not to worry about making it perfect”

    Yaaaay! I like that todaY!!

  115.  #115Sassy on February 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I do feel broken and like I should be laying in a lump on the floor today. I’m at that age where sometimes (not very often thankfully) I say “is this all there is”? Can I make the decisions, some really tough, painful decisions that need to be made? Or should I just keep denying myself what I truly want so that I don’t hurt anyone else or have to get caught up in a confrontation? Aghhhhh, feels good to vent
    Much love

  116.  #116Starla on February 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Perfection stops me from accomplishing even half what I would if I just said f*ck it and did only a so-so job

  117.  #117Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    I would usually clean everything very deeply, but today I have so much to do because I’ve been procrastinating for so many weeks on the clean up that I allow myself to not do it perfectly.

    Next week I’ll do jjust a few things perfectly. I think I’m actually gonna follow this FlyLady, She seems to have good ideas 🙂

  118.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on February 23, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    @90: Silver Moonbeam

    Hugs to your sister and all our sisters.


  119.  #119Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Ok I deserve a break now!! Been cleaning almost non stop for 3 hours and more… I still have the bathroom sink to clean, my make up table, the vacuum, cleaning the floor (might skip that though since it’s not an emergency…)


    But I’ll be so happy when it’s done!

    It already looks so much better!!!!

    Ok cig time and go back to finish all that!!!!

  120.  #120Senior Lady Vibe on February 23, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    @114: Sassy


  121.  #121Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    SLV 77

    I responded to your comment but it went into moderation. This is the author: Susan Weinschenk Google her, and look her up on amazon. She is an internet wiz who speaks regularly to mega website companies. She is not focused on communities, but on all internet things.

  122.  #122Radiant Rising on February 23, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Hi Goodheart! So great to see you again. I am doing very well, thank you. 🙂 How have you been?

  123.  #123Wants To Be Hopeful on February 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – So sorry about your sister.

    But so glad she is back home now, and that your family knows what is really going on with her now.

  124.  #124Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    It’s 5.30 here. I decided I’ll bee cleaning until 6. After that I just can’t. I have no boy energy to do that anymore.

    I’ll go to the more sireny things… 🙂

  125.  #125Sensual on February 23, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I feel scared that I’m going to have to settle for a man that I don’t feel really in love with in order to have the kind of relationship I want. I feel scared that when Im involved with a man I really like, that my NVs are always going to get the better of me and stop me from feeling fully confident about myself and about us. I feel like its only when I don’t feel bothered about the guy that he starts to step up. I want to be with someone I feel in love with. I feel jealous of the girls who are in relationships with men they also feel crazy about , like the girl that’s dating scorpion CD. I feel jealous. I feel scared that ,my internal wiring is such that I will only ever feel in love with a man who isn’t into me and I will only feel nothing and shut down when the guy loves me. Really really want to heal NVs and feeling love for a man who gives to me

  126.  #126Goodheart on February 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Radiant, I feel great 🙂 Such a difference from when I first came here.

    I totally love myself!

    And it turns out, it’s contagious 🙂

    Aw, I have often thought of you & Siena & Heartbeat, who really helped me here & who I had a lot of fun with too.

  127.  #127Senior Lady Vibe on February 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    @120: Wants To Be Hopeful

    Thank you. I’ll look for her!

  128.  #128Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Sensual how about saying “I intend to allow chemistry to grow. I intend to open up myself so that as much love and positive energy as possible can flow through me”.

  129.  #129Sensual on February 23, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Yes FW that’s the plan! I just feel scared about it not happening. But being open is surely the key. I have a date with a good man tonight, I hope the chemistry can grown, I just feel sad because he’s a good man but I don’t feel crazy about him just yet…I wish he were one of the others. But I intend to allow the chemistry to grow!!

  130.  #130Radiant Rising on February 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Aw Goodheart I thought about you and Heartbeat a lot as well! I am unable to give you an email address right now but when I can would you like to do an exchange?

    I feel so elated to hear you doing so well! 🙂 Our paths are similar that way. I am do much better now than I was when I first came, and much better than even two and a half months ago! Life never ceases to amaze. 🙂

  131.  #131Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm


    I feel that you might be forgetting the other person in your loving relationship.. the guy who will love you and want to make you feel secure and confident -)

  132.  #132Ella on February 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Flowerchild re 394 from previous post.

    I just wanted to respond to this.

    His ideas in the book are radical.

    What he actually says is that physical detox from alcohol takes about 10 days… and that after that what is left is a psychological craving… not a physical one like with some other drugs.

    He quotes research that shows how alcohol addiction is primarly psychological.

    He does not advocate ‘will power’ as what he says is that in fact giving up drinking is not us losing something…

    I think the whole thing is just a very different approach intended to change the way we think about this.

    He says how there is no such disease as herionism or cocainism… so therefore why is there this disease called alcoholism. Surely the person is just addicted to drink and that can be changed.

    He does agree that many lives are lost to alcohol and his approach is about making it less impossible to think about stopping drinking.

    Its hard to explain unless you read the full book.

    I am not sure as yet as so far I am only half way through.

    What you have been through sounds absolutely terrible. I cannot imagine how it must have felt.

    I feel very afraid and triggered too reading your posts and other horrific stories about alcohol addiction.


  133.  #133Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    95 Starla – I know of people who smoked pot who went on to ruin theirs and others lives too.

    I think excess of ANYTHING whether it’s drugs or alcohol is destructive. I’ve seen examples of both – the only difference here is that only alcohol is legal so more people have access to it.

  134.  #134Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    I find this so funny. A cd who dropped off the planet with no contact for about 5 months reappeared about 3 weeks ago.

    Him: hello again i noticed a newer clearer picture of you here versu sharing with me fist.
    desole you went thst route. how have you been? lost your number, thus your name as well. Sorry

    Me: hhhmmm quel dommage

    Him: not necessarily.you could do over by giving name and number again

    I got this just now.

    Him: went through my old address book and think i founnd you, are you A or r or V? really apolsas i did not make a note of anyone handle name of my older phone, I still went looking as to rekindle if at all still possible

    Me: That’s cute you sweet man. I feel pleased by the effort you made.

    He had promised to call when he made first contact. Took several days to call for one minute. Then went into texting around the time of the last hurricane that passed through. He is good looking but I am not sure I even want to interact with him.

  135.  #135Starla on February 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    lol, i know people who ruined their lives and other people’s lives with video games. my ex is a great example.

    every scientific study has concluded that m*rijuana is far safer than alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, and even peanuts.

    BUT, actually, people do have better access to alcohol, EXCEPT children, who have a much easier time finding pot. Drug dealers don’t ask for ID;)

  136.  #136Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Now he came back with two messages. One to clarify my number and the second

    that is cOrrect A the ———— from , speaks a little french and very cachotiere aout sharing her pics with her new friend, thanks for cpnfirming i dod reach out to r and v to major embarassment. v did not think i was sweet, was actuallt disappointed. go figure. r was the oe i had purposely blocked for intimate encouter approach/ thought i shared more

  137.  #137Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    BW and Starla I grew up in a place where I saw how it ruined lives. I am not sure that the actual use did that though at times I believed it fried some of my friends brains. But there were others who it seemed to influence their behaviors that caused havoc in the society. Any it has been proven to have good medical value.

  138.  #138Starla on February 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Now that I’m checking in with myself, I don’t feel comfortable debating this here on the blog. FB me for a rousing debate, but only if you feel up to it:) Forgive me for starting the topic, but millions of people die every year from pills and alcohol, even when used as directed, but not one single person has ever died from an mj overdose. Anyway, FB me if you’re interested in continuing discussion, and if not, no big deal:)

  139.  #139Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Sensual notice where the fear is lodged in your body. Mine tend to be in my stomach. Put your hand on the body part and talk to it. Send love and compassion from yourself and your heart to it. I have also practiced saying “even though I feel all this fear, I am open to releasing it out of my body”. Then I drop my thoughts to my pelvis and visualize my vagina opening and the fear either dropping or floating out of it. This has helped tremendously to calm me down. I also say I deeply and profoudly love and accept myself. These things I learned from Rori’s Reconnect program.

  140.  #140Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm


    he sounds funny and sophisticated-) What do you have to loose if you respond? Maybe not right away if you don’t feel too eager, but why not? Just to see what happens, another one in your rotation

  141.  #141Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Memulo I responded with a smiley face. He already did his process of elimination by checking with the other two. So he has me tagged and now the ball is in his court. Last time we communicated he came across a bit aloof. The kind of man who gives to impression that he can take it or leave it.

  142.  #142Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Now I am thinking – perhaps it was too much to tell him ‘it feels so good to hear from you’?? Too eager?

  143.  #143Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Memulo I also still have his number. Had totally forgotten about it because I was not about to call him.

  144.  #144Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I don’t know what happened to my wonderful mood from this morning…. but now I’m feeling this urgent need to have a talk with my ex and see if he’s feeling any of what I’m feeling, or if I’m being a big fool. I now feel filled with dread, because most of the time, if you feel the need to ask, it’s because they aren’t feeling it. If they aren’t persuing you…. aren’t being attentive, asking to spend time with you….

    Which he is not. He did a wonderful thing buying us the house, but maybe it has nothing to do with being in a romatic relationship with me.

    I feel like my vibe about us, just totally died. If I ask him now, I’m sure he’ll feel my deadness. Nothing happened, I didn’t talk to him yesterday….. but I just feel completely awful, that I’m in this imaginary relationship all by myself, and he’s enjoying his time with me, til he meets someone else.

    I don’t know where the heck this came from, but it feels really true.

  145.  #145Goodheart on February 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Radiant, absolutely! I would love that 🙂

    I feel so happy that you are doing so well. And I can’t wait to hear about it – yes, I am constantly amazed at how magical this world can be 🙂

  146.  #146Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    No Memulo. It is actually one of the feeling messages Rori uses in Reconnect. Also if that is how you authentically feel in the moment, why not. Who cares if he thinks you were too eager anyway.

  147.  #147Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Oh, and my mom is having heart problems again…. she probably needs another stint, think this will be the 4th. And that feels really scary to me.

  148.  #148Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    FW, I would still not call, let him do the calling. But to respond to his messages – probably I would. You don’t really know him.. who knows what happened during the hurricane.. many people had their homes damaged. Or even if not – you’ve never met, the biggest mistake you can do is to spend another half hour messaging him. He does sound entertaining though, so perhaps not all 30 mins will be lost 🙂

  149.  #149Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    It might be true Turquoise but things can change in an instant.

  150.  #150Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Turquoise it is doubt kicking in and it is fabulous. Also your amazing body is showing you how powerful you are. Your ex is one of the very few people who can trigger these powerful emotions in you. Relish in them while they last. As Rori suggests in Reconnect, it seems that your tendency might be towards anxiety and you are learning how you work.

  151.  #151Radiant Rising on February 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Goodheart, YAY! I will conjure up an account so we can exchange. 🙂 How lovely, I am so happy to see you again!

  152.  #152Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Memulo when he asked aboout mynumber I sent a smiley face. Then I logged off the site. No chance of chatting too long.

  153.  #153Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    By the way Turq those sound like your NVs. You know what to do with them.

  154.  #154Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Ok that’s too weird…

    After I wrote on the Facebook wall on the guy who died to send my sympathies and thoughts to his family, one of his friends (a cousin) added me on Facebook. I thought I knew him (or maybe I do?) so I accepter the request. We were all from a small village and everyone know each other…

    And now he started chatting with me and acting like we don’t know each other (so maybe we don’t? I’m a little lost), and he starts flirting with me asking if I’m gonna be at the funerals and asking me if I have a boyfriend and why not and now saying I am really pretty.

    Seriously I feel a little bit shocked… is he using the death of his cousin to flirt with me?! Wow… I don’t feel comfortable at all…

  155.  #155Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    I feel disgusted…

  156.  #156Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Crappy start to my morning. TH didn’t come home so I was already feeling low about that then I fell down some stairs on my way to work. Pic of my damaged leg is on my FB profile. Will post it on siren island soon – I did a great job!

    People at work were fussing all over me too. I felt a bit like a cactus, really uncomfortable. Not good.

    TH brought me food but I’d already eaten. And now he’s asked me what’s wrong. Here’s what I said:

    “I’m just feeling worried. I was thinking back to all the times that you used to bitch about MW, saying that if she wanted to be with (her husband) so much, then why the hell was she going out drinking 3 times a week without him?”

    No reply. I think he’s in a meeting anyway.

    I’m not sure if I was very sireny, but what I want to get across that I’m all for him having his boy time, as long as its not 3 times a week cos I’m starting to get a complex!!

    I also want to suggest that maybe I underestimated how much freedom he actually craves. If he wants to live the life of a single guy then that’s fine – but it means I’m living the life of a single girl too. In other words, I don’t want an exclusive relationship with a guy who wants to live like he’s single. I will start dating if that is the life he wants.

  157.  #157Goodheart on February 23, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Radiant – double YAY! I am happy to see you too 🙂

    I am off for the night – will check back tomorrow. I hope your night is lovely 🙂

  158.  #158Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Today in Russia it’s Defender of the Fatherland Day…

    “Officially called the “Defender of the Fatherland” holiday (like Veteran’s Day), February 23 is more commonly referred to as “Men’s Day” in Russia, Ukraine and Belarus.

    Historically, the date marks a mass draft that occurred in Petrograd and Moscow in 1918 during the Russian Civil War. During the Soviet era, the day was known as “Red Army Day”. Now, the date is more of a celebration of men in general and acts as a counterpart to the “International Women’s Day” that occurs on March 8.

    Men’s Day is a special day when women give small gifts to the men in their lives, especially husbands, boyfriends, fathers, sons, and even co-workers. It is a day when all Russian women celebrate the special men in their lives.”

    Talk about overfunctionning… 😉

  159.  #159Starla on February 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I am going to meet CF in half an hour, though I feel stressed wondering if I’ll actually get out of work on time.

    I feel ready to melt.

    My friend talking sh*t about CF kinda snapped me out of my “hate”

  160.  #160Barnett on February 23, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this site. Also its a bit funny how I elephantjorunal charges for its content.

  161.  #161Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I just read a good post on FB

    Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does. I like that.

  162.  #162Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Crappy start to my morning. TH didn’t come home so I was already feeling low about that then I fell down some stairs on my way to work. Pic of my damaged leg is on my FB profile. Will post it on siren island soon – I did a great job!

    People at work were fussing all over me too. I felt a bit like a cactus, really uncomfortable. Not good.

    TH brought me food but I’d already eaten. And now he’s asked me what’s wrong. Here’s what I said:

    “I’m just feeling worried. I was thinking back to all the times that you used to b*tch about MW, saying that if she wanted to be with (her husband) so much, then why was she going out drinking 3 times a week without him?”

    No reply. I think he’s in a meeting anyway.

    I’m not sure if I was very sireny, but what I want to get across that I’m all for him having his boy time, as long as its not 3 times a week cos I’m starting to get a complex!!

    I also want to suggest that maybe I underestimated how much freedom he actually craves. If he wants to live the life of a single guy then that’s fine – but it means I’m living the life of a single girl too. In other words, I don’t want an exclusive relationship with a guy who wants to live like he’s single. I will start dating if that is the life he wants.

  163.  #163Starla on February 23, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    i actually texted cf that i would need food in my belly to offer rational thought and a fair ear. he said he’d take care of it. then i said “ok. and. i want to be greeted with a ginormous hug.”

    can’t wait:)

  164.  #164Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Turquoise it is doubt kicking in and it is fabulous. Also your amazing body is showing you how powerful you are. Your ex is one of the very few people who can trigger these powerful emotions in you. Relish in them while they last. As Rori suggests in Reconnect, it seems that your tendency might be towards anxiety and you are learning how you work.

    Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:30pm

    FW, I don’t have reconnect yet, so I’m going to need you to explain this. Like line by line. Why is my doubt fabulous? How does this show I’m powerful? Why do I want to relish in these awful feelings? And if my tendency is towards anxiety… what do I do with that? Please help, I don’t get what you are saying.

  165.  #165Luzydel on February 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    This is what I’ve been doing…(just doing nothing and sink in)…what I have is the present. I’m done with the “obsession” of meeting someone, or getting a commitment from someone; I have me. And this may sound closed off or self centered, but it isn’t. I am just living what I have in my presence. Moving at my own pace. If by any chance on my road trip to life, I meet a man who wants to hop along he is welcome; but I am not turning around and taking short cuts for a a man anymore. I am open for a relationship, if it happens.

  166.  #166Starla on February 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    awww BW your wound looks terribly sharp and painful, so sorry for your lousy start of the day!

  167.  #167Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Oh BW, what a day. I’m glad you are ok, falls can be scary!


    Starla, good luck, keep us posted on what he has to say. Hugs to you too!

  168.  #168Aurora Girl on February 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm


    (((((Silver Moonbeam))))))

  169.  #169Starla on February 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    GRRRR, they did just ask me to stay late! i get off in 10 minutes and CF is outside waiting for me, he drove an hour to get here, and now he has to wait another hour in the car for me! i hope he finds something to do. he said his phone is dying so he can’t exactly stray.

    i’m hungry and upset:(

  170.  #170Starla on February 23, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    it is so not cool to wait until 10 minutes till i get off of work to tell me i will need to stay late. they knew about this deadline and they could have given me more notice, like even an hour. i told them my ride drove an hour to see me and is waiting outside, and they don’t care.

    really inconsiderate of them.

  171.  #171Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Yuk Starla. I’d be feeling really angry right now. Some people just don’t care.

  172.  #172Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Thanks people. Although reading about SMB’s situation really puts it in perspective. I’ll be ok once this next challenge is over – and my leg stops throbbing!

  173.  #173Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    TH has messaged me a few times but I’m not sure he’s getting what I’m trying to say. I did say though that I don’t want to be with somebody who would rather be living the single life.

    This wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t going on and on about how bad MW’s actions were when she was going out without her husband several times a week. He’s doing the exact same thing!! So does he feel the same way he assumed she felt?? Yuk.

  174.  #174April Rose on February 23, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    I’ve been feeling new feelings and I was labelling them as unpleasant and fearful, but then I asked myself if I was doing that because the emotions are not of a flavour that is familiar to me.
    So, I dropped the labels. I think fear was present as a habit, but these feelings are new so I am no longer trying to identify them.

    I didn’t expect to have unexpected/unknown sensations of dark shapes whirling in my tummy. They arise after I have been in the company of a particular man.

    I now feel excited about the experience. And I feel something in me is ‘stretched’ and deepened.

  175.  #175Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Your doubt helps you to take off the rose colored glasses and ask yourself the hard questions. It gets you beyond the chemistry and into the real feelings of what is taking place. It gets you to look at your values and his qualities and what you really want in a relationship or if you want a relationship with him.

    Being able to feel all these emotions is powerful. Your emotions are your power. They help you to navigate through the world. The fact that you can feel them is your power. As Rori says, the awful feelings is where the gold is because all your feelings are in the soup. If you can’t get to anger and guilt, you can’t get to giggles and happiness. So you want to go down into the soup and feel your emotions. She says being on an even keel all the time is a way to pour cold water on a man’s interest in you. You want to be able to feel your emotions, know what you feel and expect a man to cherish those emotions. A man want to be with a woman who can feel.

    She says anxiety and depression are the lids we put on our emotions where we either stuff them down or have to do something urgent. As in call him or text. We do that because we are afraid of the icky feelings. She says these feelings are your friends. What we want to do is to get to know these feelings, feel these feelings, know how we work so we can share it with a man without making him responsible or be on the receiving end of blame as a result of unresolved emotions. We must expect him to cherish our emotions.

    Hope I summarized it okay.

  176.  #176Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    April Rose. Wow. You seemed to have experiened a shift.

  177.  #177Starla on February 23, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    BW, I was just thinking…what if you took a break from messaging him about negative feelings? i hope you odn’t mind me saying this, but it feels like a lot of tiring drama all the time in the emails

  178.  #178Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm


    This woman you are talking about is the one he was interested in right? I don’t want this to make you feel uncomfortable… but maybe him saying that about her made him feel better, like he had a chance. She couldn’t possibly be happy in her relationship if she was going out… which made him feel like there might be an opportunity for him?

    I wouldn’t like it if the guy I was with wanted to go out three times a week either. If it was a rare occassion, and that one week was special for some reason, then sure. Ok. But if this is his norm, I can understand why you feel the way you do.

    I guess the question is, do his words matter more than his actions? If he says the right things that make you feel better tonight, will you feel ok to stay in a committed relationship with him, or will he have to prove it to you with his actions?

    If it’s his actions you are after, then I think what you did was great. You expressed your dislike for his actions, and if he wants to be exclusive with you, then he’ll need to change his behavior. Until he proves that to you, I don’t believe you’ll feel much better, no matter what he says.

    You do a good job expressing your boundaries with him, and it sounded like you were happy about the facebook thing…. but I’m getting the feeling you have a lot of doubts about him. Are you sure he is what you want?

  179.  #179Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Sorry BW. I am starting to feel worried that you might be the type who becomes sick or hurt yourself as a way of dealing with your emotions.

  180.  #180Sensual on February 23, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    @173 but anxiety feels like its own feeling, are you saying that you can focus and go deeper than the anxiety and uncover a different feeling that is really lying beneath it? Wow

  181.  #181Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    With men actions usually speak louder than words. Men are about doing. I try to pay more attention to the actions. Men will say anything they need to say to get what they want is what I have experienced. They will even cry or go down on their knees and beg. One of my beliefs has been that men have no shame as a result of this type of behavior that I have seen. They are not inhibited even by their own words when they are determined and driven.

  182.  #182April Rose on February 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Yes, FW, and I noticed something about myself. That I am quick to judge my emotion and try to push it away.

    Now I have seen for myself that I much prefer to enter into it and experience emotion and the treasures that reveal themselves when I sink in.

    So, now I intend to calmly ask Judgement to step aside and let me Feel!

  183.  #183Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Yes Sensual. As a matter of fact on Reconnect she says anxiety and depression are non-feelings. Anger, fear and guilt are the feelings. She says most of us have deep seated rage and we use anxiety and depression as lids to cover these. One reason is because we are afraid of hurting others.

  184.  #184Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    April Rose YES YES. That is where I am and even though it feels scary to me at times I can actually smile at myself now. Terror has been one of my biggest feelings. Even today as I was listening on Reconnect and Rori was encouraging us to go deep into your pelvis I could feel the fear in my stomach. And though I can go down into the pelvis a little better now I still clamp up when I sink in and have to consciously relax.

    I just can’t wrap my head around why we are so fearful of our emotions.

  185.  #185Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Or maybe I should say that having the feeling of control is so familiar and more comfortable than relaxing and going deep down to really feel, that it actually feels like falling into a dark abyss head first at lightning speed when I try to feel. It is frightening.

  186.  #186Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Thanks FW, I’m going to keep reading that over and over until it makes sense and sinks in with me. I feel kinda cloudy right now… like I don’t really know what I’m feeling.

    I do know there is a lot more there than just chemistry. I fell in love with him 18 years ago…. and loved him for most of that time. It’s not just about how he looks or the passion we share, or even his pheremones… I know that for sure.

    I’ve forgiven all the bad stuff. I truely believe that I did that about 2 years ago. When my sister was dying, it put so many things into perspective in my life, I knew myself better, felt clearer, and he was there for me when I needed him.

    I feel scared that he doesn’t feel the same way. That he feels guilty for not loving me enough to stay with me and the girls, and that his guilt has encouraged a lot of the nice things he’s done for us.

    But there is an angry part of him that I don’t like. It can be scary sometimes…. and now I’m reminded of it, wish I could help him heal that part of himself, but I don’t know that I can. I do wonder though, if it’s something I could learn to live with, like Asley’s wife. If I knew what would set him off, avoided that behavior, and reacted differently to it. Which, instead of letting it trigger me into being upset and shouting back, I could simply feel my feelings and share them, and take a step back until he calms down. He always apologizes, he always regrets getting so upset. I believe he’d like to change that side of him…. but I don’t know if he’s working on it.

    He’s a good person. He’d do anything for anyone, can share his emotions, and we’ve always been there for each other, always. I love that history.

    I guess part of it is that it is soooo hard to imagine there really being someone else out there for me that I’d love more. Or that I could even love differently, but as strongly.

    It seems impossible to really accept the idea that we won’t get back together. I don’t know what to do or say about all this…. but I’m not saying anything now, while I’m in the soup. I know that wouldn’t go well.

  187.  #187April Rose on February 23, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    A very Wise Being on this Earth, who I have had the great fortune to work closely with for several years, has pointed out to me many times that Fear is misunderstood!

    Fear, for a grown-up person who is not in any physical danger, is a sign that we need to move TOWARDS and INTO what we are afraid of – our feelings!

    Yet we automatically move away from where Fear is pointing us towards!! That is the sad little twist!

  188.  #188April Rose on February 23, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    I feel very excited reading your words about falling headlong at great speed into an abyss.

    If I don’t create the bottom, I won’t crash.

  189.  #189Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Ok, so my anxiety covers up my fear. My fear that he doesn’t/won’t/can’t love me. That I am unloveable. That I’ll never really be loved like other women are. I’m afraid it will never be better than what it is now. Which is just a mix of moments: words, feelings, touching, listening…. but moments… and that won’t be enough.

  190.  #190Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Turquoise what I have learned from Dominique is to bring it back to myself because what I am seeing in him is a reflection is what is in me. Where in yourself are you angry? What are you angry at/about? These are questions to ask yourself. Think of him as your mirrror to bring it back to yourself. Focussing on him/his behavior is a way to keep yourself from focussing on your own stuff that needs healing.

    I sincerely believe it would be worth your while the invest in Reconnect. Plus you have a 30 day return grace period.

  191.  #191Lizka on February 23, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Ah Wow I’m feeling exhausted after a day of thinking of me only and running 10K and cleaning for 4 or 5 hours!! Ouuuf!!

    I just got in my fresh bed with my clean dog and about to read for a few minutes and go sleep early.

    I really almost haven’t think of ATW or anyone else today and I hope I can do that over and over again, like every day. 🙂

  192.  #192Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Rori talks about Robert Frost who said “the best way out is through”.

  193.  #193Sassy on February 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Now I know it’s not a full moon out tonight, but we all sure seem to be experiencing our fair share of issues!
    Group hug sirens (((((((((All sirens)))))))))
    Much love

  194.  #194Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Look at Rori’s words in the article above.

  195.  #195Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    176 Starla – He gets LOTS of good stuff from me too.   And I pick and choose the negatives (and there are a lot, but not dealbreakers) before I say anything specific.
    177 Turquoise – Yep and I totally agree that it could have been why he said it.  I suppose in a way I’m trying to get him to see that.  Manipulative huh??  :-\
    But I don’t want to be with a guy who regularly goes out with the boys three times a week. I also pointed out that he’ll probably be doing lunch with the boys today (I can’t remember the last time we had lunch), and then most likely drinks tonight.  He didn’t deny either – tried to change the subject.  I dropped it.  I think I made my point.
    His actions are most important, and that’s why I’m beginning to doubt his words from last Friday.  I just said that to him too.
    It’s the good stuff I want.  Things were going great for so long and now we’re back into the drama.  I hate it… 🙁
    178 FW – I really don’t think so.  I feel more embarrassed about the attention I’m getting at work more than anything else.  And a year ago I was getting sick a lot, but back then I was really letting it get me down.  Right now I feel sad, but I know that with him or without him I’m perfectly fine.  I told him I don’t want him to feel trapped.  And I really don’t. But if being with me is going to make him feel that way, then I think he’s better off going to live the single life.  That’s up to him to decide of course, but it’s how I feel.  I really don’t want to be with someone who acts single.  Yuk.  I’m too old for that rubbish.
    He has replied to say that just because he’s been out with the boys doesn’t mean what I’m thinking and that he was just hanging out with friends and needs to do that sometimes..
    Yes, that is perfectly acceptable.  But three times a week when you’re supposed to be in an exclusive relationship?  I’m sorry but I don’t want that for myself.  So if that’s what he wants to do, then I’m going to get out there and meet more people (most of my problem is a huge lack of female friends, most of which were all lost when both marriages broke down and close friends moved away, and now I’m working in a male-dominated environment) and plan more time away from him.

  196.  #196Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    BW the comparisons you make, kind of suggest that you are trying to compete with his friends for his time and attention.

  197.  #197Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    FW – I just want to feel like I mean the world to someone. I don’t feel that way with him.

  198.  #198Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Well then BW you should be asking yourself “why am I here/there?”

  199.  #199Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Well I’ve made plans for tonight. I’m going out with some people I used to work with.

    Monday is tentatively booked with a girlfriend.

    Wednesday I’m attending an event with a friend and her BF.

    Next Friday I’ve got farewell drinks for a guy I used to work with.

    He’s just messaged to say I am overreacting.

  200.  #200Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    FW, I get what you are saying, and yeah, I get angry sometimes….. but his anger isn’t about me and I’m not bringing it up because I am worried about it in myself. I do lose my patience with the girls too often. I do yell, and I don’t like that. I want to change that and I have been doing a lot better since we moved. Everyone having more space, has helped tremendously. We aren’t all on top of each other. They have their own rooms… I have a beautiful bathroom to escape to when I’m stressed. He has had some major blowups in his life. He has had road rage. He can get completely enraged over what I think is something small. I don’t see it to that degree anymore, and rarely directed at me, but I do worry about it. I guess the reason I’m bringing it up now…. is that I am afraid I bring that out of him, and wouldn’t want him to go back to being like that if we got back together. I’m afraid he associates that bad behavoir with being with me.

  201.  #201Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Butterfly Wings,

    Do you want to be out that much? Are you going out because it’s what you want, or because he’s choosing that? If it’s just to “show him” that you can do it too… will it feel bad to you to not have down time to rest and relax? I’m sorry, I don’t remember for sure, but I thought you had a daughter?

  202.  #202Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Yeah Truq but remember too that anger is sexy. Nobody can get you really angry like the one you love. The key is in figuring out how to simply state “I feel angry” without the vibe that pushes men away. Just stating it without the yelling and setting a boundary that you don’t want to be spoken to that way will help. Let him know you want to hear when he is angry without feeling attacked might be helpful. Someone who has the program Toxic Men might be able to help with that.

  203.  #203Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Men tend to think we overreact because what they see as something small is usually not small to us.

  204.  #204Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    (((Silver Moonbeam))),

    Sorry to hear about your sister. I feel all the more determined to stay in touch with my feelings so they don’t end up leading me to do anything like that. Thank God she is still alive.

  205.  #205Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm


    RE: #201 – That sure is the truth. I am SO sensitive when it comes to men and what they do and don’t do.

  206.  #206tenny on February 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    All of these feelings I have are in my head, throbbing at my temples like a growing swelling fever. I am in pieces, indeed

  207.  #207Sun Goddess on February 23, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    I am really craving a coca cola right now. I haven’t had one in about two weeks.

  208.  #208Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm


    RE: #193 – I wish I could go out with you! I agree that three times a week out with his friends is a lot. I would feel the same way in your position. He sounds like he still has some growing up to do.

  209.  #209Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm


    Thanks! Right back atcha!

  210.  #210Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I feel officially played with -)

    No contact from him today at all.. didn’t expect it. Doesn’t feel good. Time to go back to CD’ing

  211.  #211Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    He’s just offered to get me some lunch so I don’t have to walk with my injured leg. I said thank you.

    He still doesn’t get the issue with the frequency. I totally trust him (he questioned that) and I’m totally ok with him going out. Just not all of the time! I feel totally unwanted when he does that.

    So I’ve decided not to go out tonight now. He is coming home with me so at least we can talk.

    Next Tuesday my eldest comes home. She’s a very mature 14 year old and on Friday I’ll have my parents looking after her and my youngest. Wednesday won’t be late either – only 9pm.

    I do try to be home as much as possible when my girls are home though so it might be April before I can really get into something to get me out if the house.

  212.  #212Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    I feel that this is my curse almost-) Why do I swallow all this so easily, why don’t I pay attention? Why is it ok to leave me a vague VM after a night together, promise to call the next day, not be in touch for 3 days, text some blah blah stuff and still get a nice loving response from me?

  213.  #213Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    BW you have to take responsibility and figure out what you need to do to take care of those unwanted feelings.

    “Just not all of the time” What do you consider all the time?

  214.  #214Femininewoman on February 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Memulo it seems like you are in your head.

  215.  #215Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 6:28 pm


    I know you want me to trust, but how can I trust if I gave him a specific timing to call, 24 hours ago and I haven’t heard back since? Even if someone is soooo extremely busy on their beautiful resort on the Caribbean I believe they have time to text sorry I can’t make it? Hope you’re doing great? I don’t have the patience for this, it makes me feel betrayed

  216.  #216Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Does everyone withdraw after sex? Are there any exceptions? Or do they all meet someone else, in the next few days..

  217.  #217Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    I don’t want to feel that I need to stand up for myself after sex, I don’t want sex to mean that I will be attacked with indifference and humiliation. I want it to mean that someone makes love to me because they want to fall for me

  218.  #218FlowerChild77 on February 23, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Ella..I haven’t read any posts past your #131. I’ve been thinking of you ever since I posted about that book. I should have deleted the whole thing…or better yet, never started typing.

    I owe you an apology. For obvious reasons, the whole subject triggers me, terribly–and it’s my stuff, I know.

    You are on your own journey here. You are doing such a great job of learning to trust your instincts and making decisions from that place. I admire that.

    I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I meant no harm; I just freaked out about stuff I couldn’t face, at one time, in my own life. I hope you accept my apology.

  219.  #219Sun Goddess on February 23, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    I did it finally. I wrote down the things I dislike about being with LP and beside them I wrote how they make me feel. It was kind of eye opening. And, most of them revolved around me feeling unappreciated/unimportant to him. If I could become more confident and cared a lot less than I do what others think than I think our relationship would be much much better. Not sure how to get to that place. This answering POF emails is already annoying to me, so real CDing seems far off for me. Any suggestions ?

  220.  #220Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    So FW, are you saying I can be sexy with my anger? Or that I’m attracted to him because he’s sexy….

    lol, I don’t know what I’m doing. I still have a lot to learn. I would really like to get Reconnect, I have to wait about a week though til I can get it. I agree it would be a good investment for me.

  221.  #221Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    I’m learning a lot from Reconnect Turquoise. I’ve got to listen to it all again though. Well worth it. xx

  222.  #222Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 7:29 pm


    I thought that whatever you did, the way you took his good or bad behavior was pretty much perfect.

  223.  #223Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 7:30 pm


    Are you learning not to get angry, but still express your feelings and wants and don’t wants? Is that it?

  224.  #224Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    Turquoise – TH has a “moodiness” issue. It’s nothing to do with me personally and how I choose to react makes a huge difference. I know moodiness is nothing like anger but the results can be similar depending on how you react, as I think you’ve already realized.

    I do think there’s hope for you two.


  225.  #225Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Memulo – I am wanting to look at things properly and work out if it’s really anger I’m feeling or if it’s something else like fear, worry, insecurity, sadness or disappointment instead.

    By taking the time to do this I’m finding it’s easier to work out the true emotion I’m feeling instead of automatically jumping to anger.

  226.  #226Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 7:35 pm


    I don’t have anything helpful to offer you. I have felt the same pain, and I feel sad with you.

  227.  #227Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    TH has brought me both breakfast and lunch today. I’ve already said thank you but will come up with a good fm to express how good it feels that he cared enough to do that for me.

  228.  #228Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    I feel confused on the blog lately. A lot of people have changed their names all at once, and I feel disoriented. I just can’t keep it all straight. It’s so hard to begin with since in many cases I don’t have a photo to attach to the face, plus many names are similar. For example:

    Silver in two names
    Goddess in several names
    Siren in several names
    Elle, Ella in several names
    Lilly in several names

    I feel like the only way I could keep it all straight is if I made it a study and a full time job.

  229.  #229Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    I’ve always struggled to express my wants and don’t wants. TH is teaching me a lot about why I need to do this more.

    I just felt this rush of love for him. Weird. I love him and want us to get to a place where we can both feel happy. I’m not sure how to get there though. I might ask for his advice about that tonight. I just want him to hug me.

    Stupid hormones!!!

  230.  #230Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 7:41 pm


    That’s nice that he did that. I can’t even imagine how it would feel for a man to do something like that for me. I feel weary of being alone. Too many long distance relationships with men for too many years.

  231.  #231LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 7:44 pm


    Hi SA,

    He’s making the risotto. So to me that’s not overfunctioning bc you’re both making dinner together.
    D always loved to be in the kitchen cooking together. We both loved the teamwork, it was a wonderful feeling.
    Ahhhh, I miss that about him.

  232.  #232LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 7:48 pm


    I’m giving you a big pat on the back BW!

    That’s the way to go…Seeing what he’s triggering you into learning for yourself.
    He’s triggering your communication skills right out of you.
    That’s what keeps me happy after breakup: Seeing what he’s triggered me to learn and triggered in me to breakout of my shell.
    It’s amazing how seeing it that way makes me feel so proud and happy 🙂
    It’s keeping me in a great vibe. That happy vibe is attracting alot of people to me, which is totally different for me…even without a man in my life.

  233.  #233Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Yeah it was a nice thing for him to do Brenda and I’m not used to it either! I do need to show more appreciation for the good stuff.

    You will have all of that Brenda – look how much you’ve healed! And glad things are ok with K. See how sticking to your boundaries works? 🙂

  234.  #234LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    OMG, W cd is going on my dream vacation, with all the activities I adore doing!
    I would soooo love to go w him.
    When he was describing it, I was expressing my feelings with “ohhh wooowww, that would feel aaawwesome :)” with my whole face lit up and my eyes all sparkly.
    He wasn’t comitted to going yet, but I said “oh, please go so you can come back and tell me about it. That vacation feels like such an amazing wonderful dream.”

    Wow, I feel so connected to myself and my feelings now.
    I’m sure that in my pre-Rori days, I would have been all in my head just asking questions and saying judgmental comments, evaluating.

    His vibe changed from being skeptical about the plan, into being all smiley and siked to go.

  235.  #235LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 7:59 pm


    Ahhh, your posts feels so open, warm and loving…such a siren you BW you.

  236.  #236Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 8:01 pm


    Thank you, I’ll be alright. After all I can always count on being smart about this.. since being loving is not an option yet lol. And express my feelings if it comes down to it.

  237.  #237Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Awww Lilibee! Thank you!

    You know, I do feel much more “calm” about everything compared to last year. It’s like I’ve totally let go of the outcome and in the meantime I’m feeling braver about expressing my feelings and setting boundaries.

    I love your new attitude to life too. It’s a new you!

    I’m learning a lot from you and attempting to be more of a “feelingy beast” which is in sharp contrast to the old me!


  238.  #238LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Spamming spamming spamming here…

    Sirens, I need your advice:

    I have this WOW handsome respectable looking man who received my profile as a match on Match dot com, and I received a generic notification that he’s interested.

    So what do I do now?
    I wanted to just send a “wink”. But the only option available was to send an email.
    I don’t feel comfortable sending the 1st email.
    I would feel comfortable just sending a wink.

    Any of you sirens experienced with Match know how I can go about it?

  239.  #239LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    237: So happy for your new outlook BW 🙂

  240.  #240Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    LiliBee I’ve never initiated contact or a conversation on a dating site. But there has been talk about “dropping the handkerchief”. Can you do what he’s done and come up as interested?

    And thank you. This beats falling into a pit of depressing hell!

    So what more can I learn today on how to be the best partner I can be to the right man?? Hmmmm!

  241.  #241Memulo on February 23, 2012 at 8:16 pm


    Can you email a wink 🙂 -?

  242.  #242LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Thanks to D, I have made a wonderful friend.

    I met her and her partner through D.
    We used to hangout all 4 of us.

    I liked her alot from “hello”.
    She’s so open, warm and inviting.
    I thought I would lose that friendship when D and I broke up.
    But I guess I’m making it comfortable for them by sharing how much I’ve learned through D and that I’m OK.
    They did share w me how they felt that D was nearly impossible to connect to. He’s a fun buddy to them.

    She suggested getting together on Sunday while her man is out.
    I think I’ll suggest to play Wii, maybe rent a new game.

    I’ve always had a hard time making real friends before.
    I realize how I used to have a wall with new people in general, not just men.
    If I’m attracting open warm people, then that must be bc my vibe has changed to being open and warm.

    Hmmm, that makes me feel “alive”. Putting my wall down and letting people in makes me feel like I’m really “living”. 🙂

  243.  #243LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:29 pm


    Oh Memulo, that’s so smart! Thanks, I’ll try it. 🙂

  244.  #244LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:33 pm


    Right on! @This beats falling into a pit of depressing hell!

    Once we’ve sunken into our sad and angry feelings, they drift off, and we get into this feeling of being fascinated about what this person is actually bringing out of us to learn and evolve.
    Wooowww, such an amazing feeling!

  245.  #245Turquoise on February 23, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    Goodnight sirens, I’m heading to bed 25 min. earlier tonight as I feel really tired.

    Team stop procrastinating, I went grocery shopping, cleaned out the frig, cleaned the kitty liter box, took out the trash and did a load of laundry. I still have more to do, but enjoyed some time with my girls tonight and watched a couple shows.

    I am really glad I didn’t let my anxiety get the best of me. I still feel kinda in the soup, and need to sit with my feelings for awhile. I don’t even know what I’d want to say to him.

    It’s raining here…. will be nice to sleep by.

    Goodnight sirens, hope you all sleep well/have a wonderful day.

  246.  #246Emerson on February 23, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    78 @ Daria
    Alias Girl!!!!
    I miss her….where did she go 🙁

  247.  #247LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:42 pm



    Cold carbonated water in a tall glass, and dump some of your favourite sweet fruit in it and squoosh them in there with a spoon.
    I like to do that with strawberries, blueberries and rasberries.
    You get the fizziness and the sweetness…and how healthy!
    That’s how I subsituted my Pepsi addiction.

  248.  #248LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:45 pm


    …or sometimes I’ll pour some of my favourite fielberry juice in the carbonated water.
    Could be apple juice, grape juice, whatever you like best.

  249.  #249LiliBee on February 23, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    hohhhhhhh, sigh,

    I’m reading posts here and there…so interesting…I gotta go to bed…can’t wait to come back and catch-up to the entire stories.

    Thanks for being here Sirens! Goodnight. xox

  250.  #250Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Night LiliBee and Turquoise.


  251.  #251Brenda on February 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    Night John-Boy! Night Butterfly! Night silver!

  252.  #252Laughing Goddess on February 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Hi Sirens! I’ve been feeling really busy lately. I’ve been trying to keep up with the blog. It moves so fast sometimes!

    BW: I, personally, try to discuss important topics in person if at all possible. Saying it over text might have something to do with why he thinks you are overreacting.

  253.  #253Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    I just came across this post by one of my FB friends and wanted to share:

    Three decisions shape our destiny according to Tony Robbins (motivational guru)

    1. What am I going to focus on? the past, present or future? Self or others?

    2. What does it mean? We assign a meaning to our focus and therefore an emotion and emotions impact on our behaviour, actions and results in life. What meaning have you assigned to what you are focusing on? Is it the end or the beginning? Are you being punished or rewarded?

    3. What are you going to do? Are you going to give up or move forward? Keep running the same pattern? What is the cost or reward?

  254.  #254Laughing Goddess on February 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    BW: sorry, I hit submit on that last message too soon.

    What I was wanting to say is that it might be a good practice in your relationship, esp. now that you are living together, to only have discussion about grievances in person. I find that sending texts about things like this usually aren’t nearly as effective. For one thing, it gives this sense of urgency to the matter….because it seems like it can’t wait until a time when we are together and in an energetic space to have an in depth conversation. Also, it’s so easy to have misunderstandings when texting. And if he’s working, it’s problem not the best time to approach him with an issue like that.

    How do you feel about that?

  255.  #255Butterfly wings on February 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Thanks LG. he didn’t come home last night and was messaging me when he was on his way in, but I suppose I could have suggested we talk tonight or something.

    I do want to be sure that I tell him how good it felt that he looked after me by buying me breakfast and lunch though. I must acknowledge that and make sure he knows that it meant a lot to me.

    He and I are going home together tonight so can talk then.

  256.  #256Silver Moonbeam on February 23, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    Good morning from the UK and thank you ladies for all your messages I received this morning when I logged onto the Island, it’s lovely when you are in the midst of a kind, caring and supportive sisterhood like this one.

  257.  #257Silver-Tongued Siren on February 23, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    okay, wow, having trouble catching up! I have been so busy.


    “– I would also suggest to try to focus on just having fun in the present moment with him, laughing and enjoying each others company and then perhaps at a time when you are genuinely feeling good with him perhaps u might say something that makes him feel like the man-hero and you the vulnerable princess “you know it means so much to me that you……..etc etc….. Thank you” and smile or kiss him on the cheek. Just an idea”

    I would LOVE to do that, I wish I were better at this! I really have to learn how to make him feel good… I like when he is coming to ME for that, not others.


    I feel good reading about how you have shifted relationship and money through prayer.
    >>> Thank you so much for sharing this, I often feel nervous about mentioning it. I really have been seeing a lot of answers lately EVERY time I pray, and have also been sharing my prayers with prayer sites where others pray for you also.

    It would be a long post to share all the answers I have seen. I feel amazed and LOVED.

    Starla: haha just as i hit “submit,” he called.>>>
    lol. it seems like everytime I’m posting here about MILW he is thinking of me and calls or texts!

    FW ”
    STS I hesitate to comment on your posts because the situation with the two men seems so confusing to me sometimes. I will say though that these posts sound very happy and like your vibe is gravitating in the right direction. I hope you attract exactly what you want.>>>

    That’s okay, I feel disappointed since it seemed like you were telling me “just enjoy being around him” and your advice to other sirens has been “make him right” “just enjoy him” and I think you mentioned to me not to worry so much about the (negative) FM, let him feel good.. In any case, that’s what I’ve been doing and it feels great!

    863 FW “April Rose when a man sees how much a woman believes in him it can inspire him.”>>>

    YES that’s the truth.. I HAVE TO practice some messages to give to MILW (and BF)… … I don’t think I do this enough!!!

    Lizka!: ”
    It just looks like he goes out with his friends on Thursday, Friday and Saturday and doesn’t think of me during his party days since he doesn’t contact me at all and than when he wakes up alone on the Sunday he remembers of me. It doesn’t make me feel really goddessy” >>>

    I don’t like this either, which MILW has been doing lately! grr. I don’t want to make him wait when he DOES want to spend time with me – I’ve been OPEN to him when he wants to be here, but ugh I don’t like that. And we can’t take the baby a lot of places he wants to go, but I would like to do something I CAN do, or to get a sitter for a couple hours, or something. I just miss being with him on the weekends like we used to until baby got too big/light sleeper. I really want him to take me out!

    885 FW “I believe men are loyal and they don’t start things with us with the intention of ending it. It is just that they do things differently from us and at times they are on a mission in their lives and will not change that to suit us. ”

    This feels good to read. Yes I believe they are loyal …and if I let them feel good around me, they will want to be around me all the time!

    1023 turq

    turquoise, I have wondered this same thing. Early on whenever I would share FM with MILW he would in angry moments say I was manipulating and controlling BY SHARING A FEELING MESSAGE!
    I wonder if this was the case in his past with someone else.. all I was doing was sharing how I felt, but it sure made me back off and wonder if I should just speak with my actions. I can share FM with him now, thankfully.

    Siren Angel!!

    “You have to CHOOSE to TRUST for the tools to work. Rori says in one of her programs to choose to trust for a full 3 months. Don’t ask yourself these questions!”>>>
    I would like to hear more about this! The only program I have is ReConnect. I wish I had more. 🙁 Especially right now.

    Trust for three months?
    Well that’s what I’m trying to do right now. Trust him to what? I suppose trust that what he says is true.. however.. also, I am working on .. things like tonight. he is not here. has not called this evening.. I miss him 🙁 I SO want him to text me goodnight or call or just COME HOME, but.. he hasn’t.. and I just have to trust and believe he is probably doing something completely trivial right now, and no matter what he is doing, I have to trust and believe that he loves me MOST of all, and that as long as I allow him to feel good when he’s with me, …. I am his Queen.

    Siren Angel

    The most I will do tonight is bring it over. I will leave all the dishes and stuff lying around like I usually do and lean back and smile while he is picking up and cleaning. This has been a HUGE shift for me. And I can see he feels masculine and purposeful doing this. It was freaky at first, but it does work!!!>>>>>>>>>

    I cook at least half the time or more (when he is home).. What is this supposed to look like when in a relationship/marriage/family??

  258.  #258Butterfly Wings on February 24, 2012 at 12:06 am

    TH is cooking me dinner too! He must be feeling bad! 🙂

    Back later to catch up and respond to posts! xxx

  259.  #259Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 12:22 am

    So MILW asked if I had dinner plans yesterday.. and asked “would you like to go out for dinner?”

    He came in an hour or two to pick us up.

    I mentioned something about how i needed help watching baby and I could cut the grass in the front yard (even tho MILW paid $20 to have it cut this last week, it sprouted right up cause it rained) – or he could cut it if he wanted.. i don’t know exactly how i said. But he said “well then we’ll get up at 8:30 and work on the yard” – I didn’t know if he was joking or serious – but it turned out he was joking about 8:30 but serious about the yard. 😀

    I did not know he intended to stay but hey, i said my prayers are being answered, eh? 😉

    I put baby in car and walked around to passenger side, he said ah-ah I’m buying you’re driving.. … I let it go. I let it go, he’ll stop. He expected me to say I didn’t want to, because before I got in the driver’s side he said “it’s okay, I will help navigate and get us where we’re going (I didn’t know where we were going)” .. ooh there would have been a good time for FM .. appreciation for navigating, being thoughtful of how I would feel.

    We chose a place. Drove by another interesting place, I said “ooh can we go there sometime?”.. he said yes, you can take me there sometime. .. I FM “that felt bad, I felt resented..” or something. he sounded a little surprised when he responded.. and I said I would LOVE to take him out. I said I feel awful, because I love to treat him also and make him feel good, and when I have money I’m always spending it on things like that. He said “well I guess I’ve never experienced that – you haven’t had money the entire time I’ve known you”… (had a good job but things happened). etc.

    restaurant was closed. so he immediately suggested we go across st to other place i pointed out. they didn’t have anything dinnerish at the time only dessert. so we walked down the street and I pointed out a place I noticed on the way, and he said lets go there. we went in, had looovvely dinner we shared, and he ordered food for baby too (never have before but this was his own idea!! 😀

    he held my hand while we ate, he mirrored the things I did.
    the waiter asked about dessert, MILW looked at me! 😀

    when bill came, I asked how much he was leaving for tip and said I could leave it if he had change for my twenty. He said that’s okay, and I feel like tho he does so much complaining and resentment, it seemed the energy coming from him .. felt sort of .. bad? guilty? ..I don’t know? .. but he genuinely appreciated the offer to cover the tip – and he said he appreciated it.

    he offered to drive us home if I wanted, but I said that’s okay, – I don’t mind driving us once in a while – this is true.

    We got home, shared the chocolate bar he had placed in my purse earlier! 🙂 little treats I love them, and some wine.

    we watched movies.. had sex on the floor- well tried, but baby was not happy.

    something came up I asked a question about where he got something. He wouldn’t tell me as person he got it from asked to not tell anyone – even though MILW shared it was a friend who he was completely surprised by.. anyway.. he wouldn’t tell me.. and he used to do this a long time back so this bothered me. – I said this is different. he said why is this different? the person said, blahblahblah. I walked out of room, put baby to bed.

    he started watching movies. I came back after baby was asleep. I told him, I intend to be open and honest and vulnerable with you, this hurts down to my bones, I confide in you, this does not make me feel very connected to you. I looked in his eyes. he heard me. he said “I know” and reiterated what he said earlier.. I still feel bad. i tell my partner things and I don’t like having secrets.

    but I let it go. its up to him if he wants to keep it to himself, but I like to share things between us and I felt disconnected from him for a bit and when I think about it now I still don’t like it, but it wasn’t anything very important, so I can let it go.

    but he saw that I had tears coming down my face.
    I sat near him, he comforted me, holding my hand and holding me, and that felt good.

    we watched movies and eventually went to bed.

  260.  #260Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 12:50 am

    STS several parts of your comment felt masculine. The part of your comment about loving to take him out, the driving, and the paying. His comment about you never taking him out felt bad.

  261.  #261Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 12:58 am

    forgot to mention that last night, he mentioned how he got tickets to two events this year that he didn’t get to go to last year .. which I am not thrilled about at all due to not trusting him and feeling bad he didn’t want me to go (because he felt unhappy with our rlsp and would act out).
    i feel nervous. I’m not sure why he was telling me about these things. I just didn’t respond really.

    He also made SURE to inform me of what he was doing the night before – when we had been texting and I said he must be busy, or something.. and he said he had been.. he went out with a friend of ours..a female friend, who i wish would be more inclusive of me instead of waiting for him to invite me. she doesn’t care and she knew i had baby. she just likes to go out and drink a lot all the time.
    anyway, he went out with her.. and told me about it making it sound like nothing, just hanging out with our friend… l felt like he was trying to reassure me as though he notices I don’t text him when he’s not calling me, and maybe is feeling nervous that if I think he’s out with other women I might go do something else.. ? just the feeling i get. he’s a lot more insecure than he seems like sometimes.

    we woke up this morning, he immediately cut the front yard, before breakfast. I had asked what he wanted, he chose simple, smoothies, so I made for us.

    I then told him I wanted to rent house out for a week or two – for an event. he was a bit angry i hadn’t already agreed to this earlier – as in – he feels the urgent need to make money- and is concerned that we don’t have enough time to pull it together –
    but we do.

    He said “well last year you wanted to do this but you didn’t get it done so we made no money!” –
    i reminded him last year i had NO help, a LOT more cleaning up to do, and it was on short notice last year as well as I HAD someone booked, who cancelled!

    we have a friend booking it for us hopefully, coming over tomorrow to take pics, and the place has a lot that needs done before morning!

    well he didn’t stay fearful long, instead he calculated how much we could make according to my numbers, he said “this would pay a lot of rent” and then *I* was concerned that involving our friend would cut a large bit of income – and he sounded irritated. I said “I want to at least get a car payment out of it”. He paused for a minute, said NOTHING, felt irritated, he was probably doing math in his head. He said, okay, we can do a car payment. And we went on about the day happily!

    He went out and took care of the yard- cutting the front, raking, moving things around, and helping in the house, too! putting up a little artwork, moving things to get ready to go to storage..

    🙂 WOW, he is excited about making this money, AND he is helping me, when technically he could make me do it all myself, “In exchange for the rent”. But he helped happily!

    AND EVEN took baby outside with him while he worked outdoors!! so I got way more done.

    after that he showered, got ready for work later on, incase he had any appts. i touched him affectionately/sexually, and he wanted to have sex with me, so we did.

    I had trouble connecting with him yesterday, today was better, but I had trouble focusing also due to baby.. we had fun though, and I really wish I could allow him to please me more.

    there is a thing I want, to help me do kegel exercises, but it’s $100. I think this would really improve things…I hope, anyway, cause I don’t think you can get a refund on that. lol. hope to get that …sooner the better.

    after this he wanted to get a massage (and he did ME last night!!!) and I tried but baby was ready for naptime and it didn’t last long. he thanked me for trying. he made plans to go to a business meet and greet at a hotel but invited a guy friend. i wish I could’ve gone, but .. i guess a baby there wouldn’t be the best thing.. he didn’t say that, but didn’t invite me either.

    I asked if he wanted to make a quick trip to home depot, (to look at house paint, etc). he agreed. I asked if he wanted me to drive him up to the place he was supposed to meet and that way his friend could drive him back, he said no, but thanks for offering (He filled my gas tank up the other day! :D)

    he said we would take separate cars and meet at home depot. I said ok and happily put baby in car. we met there, picked out paint swatches, bought light bulbs (which he paid for, for the house) $15). he asked if there was anything else I needed, I said no.

    he walked us to the car, told baby bye, …
    and said “thank you for the use of your vagina” which felt… mixed feelings. his energy was .. silly, joking, affectionate and literal, and irreverent? all at once? … like I felt laughter, loved, and unloved all at one time! i don’t want to feel like just sex, – but that’s a bad story to tell myself, because he DOES love me. .. and I told him ‘that feels bad”.. “I like to feel loved” .. “but I will let that go, .. WHAT?! I will just pretend you didn’t say that.. it’s a good thing I KNOW you, and love you.. because if I didn’t KNOW you….. lol”… he laughed too.. and we didn’t fight about it, –the other two times I didn’t feel so good we also didn’t really fight, we allowed a plateau and just redirected the energy – which felt good.

    the other was this morning I let baby play with something and he got upset thinking it would ruin something on it he had just replaced. i didn’t know this. I expressed it.. I tried to put it away but he got snatchy with me and grabbed at it and wanted me to give it to him, so I did, I said “I was just going to put it away” – wow I felt hurt, so i walked away to other room. I came back with feeling message – i felt really bad, ..don’t remember what I said, … but I kind felt and sounded down..felt like crying, nearly. I told him i felt really bad, can I sit by him for a minute? He didn’t answer, then said “why don’t you go clean, or work on the taxes or something?”…..?! so angry, not sure why?

    it felt awful. so I just got up and walked away.
    I worked on house more.
    he came in room later, in a better mood, asked if i was doing ok.
    I said, ..yes.. well.. yes that felt bad, but I’m not dwelling on it. and.. I think he said good, and … I don’t know what was said, but I felt better afterwards and thats whats important. I can’t remember, because I was so in shock that he came to the room and asked how i was!?!

    It’s not like him to be that direct, he usually – if he feels bad for something he did – will make me wait a long time before he can be open to me, OR, he will try to do nice things for me yet never address the issue that made me feel bad. In the past few months he’s started APOLOGIZING!!!! and when i pointed out once that a real apology does NOT have a “but” following it, he STOPPED that and started giving me real apologies!!!!! AND NOW, he came to check on me?!? yes yes yes!! this is a good sign!
    We love getting along.

    anyway, he left around 5:30, and i haven’t heard from him again, makes me sad, i want his goodnight and his love and him home. I bet he went to our friend’s birthday party at a bar..but I didn’t really want to go, … issues with that group of “friends”… backing away from that group.

    anyway, I felt SO happy today after he left- like overwhelmingly happy – this happens sometimes to me. until I ate pasta for dinner, then I slowed down a bit, lol. it took until a couple hours ago to get baby to sleep finally!! ugh and haven’t got a thing done on the house, not maybe I will and then get up early too I hope. eating cookie dough and dark choc milk right now, mmmm.

    more later –

    Oh and update on BF –
    messaged me on Tuesday (usually he asks me for plans for wknd around then).. to tell me he broke his lease and is going to find a new place, etc… he has now contacted me three times – once a phone call, second messaged me, third very short message. … and…. i see on fb he found a new place – small apartment, much smaller than the 2 br place with yard he got earlier.

    No response to my email about whether we would be sexually exclusive should I move there. that one girl he works with who gave him a ride has been liking things on his page though. i am sure she must be the one he has been sleeping with. she likes something he has interest in..that i don’t know a lot about… I need to up my knowledge, and connect with him more on that, I have known this for a while. and practice more FM with him. and praise. all of these things, with MILW too – just in general … yes. All these beautiful men, giving themselves to help me learn…. I love them.

  262.  #262Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 1:23 am

    “STS several parts of your comment felt masculine. The part of your comment about loving to take him out, the driving, and the paying. His comment about you never taking him out felt bad.”

    Hmm I see this, yes, but I think that everyone has a mix of fem/masc and … if he is doing a lot for me, I don’t mind doing these little things ONCE in a while -a drive, a dinner, or a tip.

    his comment about me never taking him out felt bad to me due to his built up resentment that I am not doing what he perceives to be my financial part… I don’t think he expects me to do this a lot, I just think his love language is GIFTS, and he feels unappreciated. I mean, he wouldn’t even let me leave a tip.

    And you know what else he gave me today, he bought a groupon for a TON of car services (like $750 in car services) and we will use it between the two cars, but he is sending me to get an oil change and maybe a starter/battery system check.

    I need to be sure I express appreciation for that somehow… … I think I am going to do something DIFFERENT this time….

    I am going to express verbally -as I always do-

    but then… I think I will BUY (or make) him something….. it can be something small.. cookies, a candy bar, a drink he likes..

    I am going to experiment with this.

    In the past I’ve felt like he should know I appreciate him and I do so much around here that helps us accomplish things by working together (like, i dont like grocery shopping so he does it, … I iron his shirts.)…. but I’m not sure he’s feeling this. i put a lot of time and effort into things that he seems to barely notice – even though he likes me to do them, they don’t seem to make him feel appreciated.

    so instead of putting so much time and effort into an Act of Service, I will try Gifts instead – and give him something small..and see if this gets any different response from him.

  263.  #263Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 1:28 am

    247 LiliBee, Sun Goddess

    YES!! I crave soda once in a while so instead i have Italian Soda, much better, only a few ingredients..

    def healthier.

  264.  #264Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Ps I feel good, I feel productive hopefully have the house mostly ready to be rented for vacation rental by tomorrow and maybe have taxes almost finished by tomorrow – have a lot of itemizing to do..

    then hope to paint at least the FRONT of the house (or maybe just the trim on the house) in the next two days… (before it rains Mon or Tuesday).. and then have a client on Monday… Yay!!

    I have to get some clients who are paying full price though. I need to find an outlet to advertise and really work on my work stuff -get a scheduling system set up, etc – (they are all just so complicated with the extra features I need plus the cost and the capabilities..).. have a lot of extra costs coming up in the next few months and really need to fire this up anyway,…

    It is REALLY windy outside right now..

    alright back to work!!
    wish I had gotten on the blog earlier while everyone else was still up!!! Love to all the Sirens, and pleasing dreams!

  265.  #265Sirenity on February 24, 2012 at 2:55 am

    I had a wonderful day today!

    Did a little cleaning, laundry and ironing ,
    Went to see my sexy financial adviser ,
    Got my car back after some body repairs,
    Did some grocery shopping and bought fresh seafood,
    Lay on my sons old trampoline in dappled shade meditating and painting my nails…yummy!!

    And tomorrow I have a date for a picnic by a waterfall.
    Monday a lunch in a ritzy city restaurant with a new man…

    Whats not to like?

  266.  #266Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 2:57 am

    Picnic by a waterfall sounds exciting Sirenity. I love waterfalls.

  267.  #267Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 3:22 am

    good morning Chickies…….oh it’s Friday and it feels like it’s been a long week. This time of year, lots to do….so feels like lots of masculine energy needed…..

    I don’t find it easy to switch hats from masculine do, to feminine be sometimes….I think I find it flows more easily in spring summer fall…but this time of year there is so much do.

    My LD is coming again late this afternoon for several days….. I feel blah.

    Sending good vibes….***~~~*** though they might move slowly today….lol


  268.  #268Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 3:23 am

    Silver Moonbeam

    More hugs for you today……


  269.  #269Arno on February 24, 2012 at 3:38 am

    Hi Rori,
    I dont know if you come around gay people alot but I need you now.

    He left me with absolutely nothing, we were engaged for almost 10 months and when he left, he was cruel.

    I started working, working working. I complimented people, made new friends, I enjoyed my job, every minute of it….

    But a few weeks ago I saw him in the mall and that night I fell apart. I was admitted to hospital and things got out of hand. I’m not only FEELING broken, I AM broken..

    What do I do now? Working and meeting didn’t work

    Love Arno

  270.  #270Ella on February 24, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Flowerchild re 218,

    No need to apologise.

    Don’t worry at all.

    It is a triggering topic for me too! xxx

  271.  #271Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 3:54 am

    Have any of you experienced a man who professes great love for you that he wants to last forever (much like some past comments here), and steps up with his actions to be present and attentive and loving…

    yet makes comments every once in a while about his skepticism that marriage doesn’t last…that 50% of marriages fail……

    LD makes comments like” If we last”…..or “if we make it through a year….”

    No wonder I have been feeling tested. It almost feels like he has a self fulfilling prophesy.

    Those kind of comments take the lightness out of it….the possibilities seem dim…..

    know what? I called him on that the other night (in our conversation I posted about)….said it’s almost like he’s looking for things to go wrong as if to say..”see ….it’s going down the tubes”……

    like the testing me with the texts (I know to be watchful of tests…..some understanding is good initially but if becomes a pattern….this is not good)

    Now i know why I feel blah.

    He will arrive today and be here til Tuesday. I will see what the vibe is around all of that. I feel like I’m dating a skeptic….or maybe a romance addict? It’s only 6 months in and I wonder if he doesn’t like the depth that needs to come and prefers the early chase romance stuff. I’m going to practice tapping into how I feel and be open about it….and share it with him as the time unfolds…

    thanks for listening Sirens…I am sending good vibes back my way too…..***~~~*** this is growth for me…the being open about it…..not blamey…..just observing..


  272.  #272Sirenity on February 24, 2012 at 3:58 am

    Yes FW ,

    Its late summer and there is a glen with a small river flowing over a high rock ledge ..you can swim in the sun dappled pool beneath or stand under the cascade!!!

    A lovely sexy place to linger and play..

    But he has already told me he isnt ready for a relationship. His loss 🙂

    The lunch date will be fun too, quality guy , first date and it follows a medical appointment for me , so will be a special bonus .

  273.  #273Ella on February 24, 2012 at 4:00 am


    You are sounding good Siren! 🙂

  274.  #274Ella on February 24, 2012 at 4:09 am


    One of my weight loss clients eats easyyo yoghurt, which is yoghurt you can make yourself at home from a powder.

    Easyyo claim that their yoghurt is the healthiest, containing many more bacteria than the ordinary live stuff you can buy.

    I feel very suspicious of foods that you make from a dehydrated powder. For me I wonder can they really be nutritious? Surely the process of dehydrating would cause loss of nutrients?

    But I can’t find any information about it other than what Easyyo say themselves.

    Does anyone know about this product?

    Is is healthy?

    I don’t think the normal yoghurt we eat is first dried out then rehydrated is it?


  275.  #275Ella on February 24, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Oh sorry it is ‘easiyo’ yoghurt not ‘easyyo’

  276.  #276Sirenity on February 24, 2012 at 4:15 am

    I love easy yo.
    I use the low fat greek yoghourt.
    The bacteria are in the powder and when water is added they “culture” and it gets all smooth and yummy and thick.

  277.  #277Turquoise on February 24, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Good morning sirens! I’m so glad it’s Friday! We have our surprise Paris sleepover party tonight… my daughter has no idea! 🙂 I’m choosing to focus on that and work today. I still have no words for him if he calls, except to mirror his small talk or answer something he asks me. I would like to know when he’ll be visiting again, and would like to do some scripting, work on some feeling messages before that.

    Hugs all around! Enjoy the day sirens!

  278.  #278tenny on February 24, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Morning sirens. Still in my pits. But I understand now that I have to find myself and embrace myself and step back . . . Not lean back. And I have to put ALL of my focus on me. my NV is working overtime. CD song is pulling away, maybe because of another woman I would guess. This does not feel good, but I welcome it. Either right or wrong I need to step back from him and breathe and regroup and reclaim myself. I don’t feel my heart is safe around him so I need to step away.

    Im starting to feel better, but not quite. Im going to do somethings for myself today, massage, etc. Keep the focus on me.

    Oh, lately, when I give feeling messages I get a strong response. Seems they are shocked by how I feel, almost annoyed. That is why I need to step back too. Like trying to control my feelings.

    Ok. Going to start infusing positive thoughts onto my soul today to begin healing.

    #1 I am happy to have connected with my feminine energy. It is powerful and keeps me safe. It is the constant force that embraces my happy feelings

  279.  #279tenny on February 24, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Aurora girl. Good that you spoke on it to him. I would ask if he feels good thinking of happy times in the future. He sounds like he is sometimes scared. Maybe something hurt him in his past to feed that fear

  280.  #280Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 4:56 am


  281.  #281tenny on February 24, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Hi Turquoise. What is mirroring? I may need to try that

  282.  #282sammie sighs on February 24, 2012 at 4:57 am

    feeling, lost, sad, confused,,,my guy has been stepping up but I know he has a problem he has low self esteem with plenty of woment to call on for a boost. He has never cheated but is emotinally.. I want to run and never look back but ive been running so long,,I want to stop and see if he can step up ..

  283.  #283tenny on February 24, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Thanks Aurora Girl
    . . Really needed the hug today 🙂

  284.  #284tenny on February 24, 2012 at 5:02 am

    Feeling very broken. I understand the article, especially the renewal emphasis. Thank you. I really needed that.

  285.  #285Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Oh yes, that he has told me, though he hasn’t given details and I don’t think I want them. But some patterns are super obvious.

    I’m really trying to focus on myself and watch what comes up for me too. I want to own what’s mine and not own what isn’t mine. I want to avoid being in his head. I want to avoid being too much in mine too.

    I find sometimes a man is not ready to hear our FMs…..or a woman friend either for that matter. It doesn’t mean we can’t say them……especially if it helps us.


  286.  #286Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 5:15 am


  287.  #287Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 5:20 am

    I think I might have just understand why I seem to attract only uninteresting guys and why the hot guys like the 3 hot guys from the club last weekend never stick around…

    When I have an uninteresting guy flirting with me, I am obviously feeling like “whatever I just want to have fun” and feel relax and my vibe must be very high. I must be really “I am the air you need to breath” kind of vibe..

    When I have a really sexy guy coming towards me like Dicaprio or the cute old CD I thought have no girlfriends, I think my NVs kick off big time saying “look at you, you never gonna have a man like that, you never had a hot boyfriend, why would you now?” and I feel stressed and my vibe must switch in just an instant and they might feel it and that must be so unattractive!!!!

    Hehe nice to be aware of that! 🙂

    So now I have to practice sending my emotions in my pelvis, breath and relax when I’m in front of a hot guy. I am the aor they need to breath just as I am for the low-quality men…

    So I decided that I am no more gonna dates guys that I find so so interesting, I don’t need practice with them since I already attract them like crazy. I need practice on hot hot hot men!

    Yay good morning Lizka! Welcome in the understanding of your soul!

  288.  #288Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 5:25 am

    By the way, none of the 3 hot guys from last weekend have contacted me yet, except Dicaprio when he accepted my friend request…

    But now I understand why at least, I was in this need-to-impress vibe and not feeling relax at all and it was probably very unsireny and unattractive…

    I feel a little bit disapointed but it’s ok because now I know that I’m going to attract hot men more often with my new understanding and new attitude!!

    Cheers to me 🙂

  289.  #289T-Girl on February 24, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Aurora Girl, I had a similar (but not the exact) problem with J too. In fact, I asked Dominique about my problem when she had her teleclass. Her answer was that It just takes time. Time for him to get to know you and time for his trust to build. Just keep doing what you are doing. He will see for himself how good he has it.

    I am seeing now that the problem that J had doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

  290.  #290T-Girl on February 24, 2012 at 5:39 am

    I have to share – yesterday J sent me an e-mail at work that just totally melted my heart.

    He told me that he doesn’t tell me enough but he is so happy that I am in his life and sometimes he feels he has to pinch himself to make sure it is not a dream.

    Wow. Just wow. Never in a million years did I think I could make someone feel that way.

  291.  #291Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 5:39 am

    T girl
    thanks…..those are great thoughts……and wise one about time……..


  292.  #292tenny on February 24, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Hi Sammie. Welcome. In Toxic men, Rori does an interview with Todd Creager where he talks about how to tell if a man can “catch” meaning give six different opportunities (experiences) for him to learn how to catch (receive) your feelings. You are giving him these chances to make a change from being toxic or clueless (meaning those things that he does that is not good for the other person). But you have to do your part by following the four rules rori emphasizes.

  293.  #293Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 5:42 am

    …and so nice to hear that your siren-ness and goddess-ness and all round good stuff is getting mirrored back to you….!

  294.  #294tenny on February 24, 2012 at 5:42 am

    That is sooooooo sweet!

  295.  #295tenny on February 24, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Hi Lizka!

  296.  #296Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Hi Tenny!!!

    I’m sorry you’re feeling low darling. 🙁

  297.  #297tenny on February 24, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Aurora Girl
    That makes sense that men are not ready to hear or FMs
    Im going to think on that this weekend as I take some me (siren) time

  298.  #298tenny on February 24, 2012 at 5:50 am

    Thank you Lizka
    I hope to be out of my pit after some me time. I’ve been following your posts . . . Loved that you had a great weekend last week – it was inspiring

  299.  #299Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:01 am


    How do you feel about returning these ‘if we last for another year, month, 15 mins’ jokingly but with a straight face?

  300.  #300Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:04 am


    Did you think about getting out more and practicing to focus on you more?

  301.  #301Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:07 am

    I feel like an old boring gfriend that my guy is just trying to politely get away from..

  302.  #302Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Serious, clinging and predictable

  303.  #303Lena on February 24, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Hi, everyone

    This is a great article. And timely.

    I feel “broken” because I am at some very uncomfortable zone. I am full of doubts, suspicion and feeling wrong.

    I cant let go of the feeling I am being lied to. Not being good enough.

    Last night I had to meet A again. He wanted to see me. But it was our movie time with girls and at first I said yes because I thought we will finish early but than I had to decline as we drunk a bit and I didnt want him to see me drunk. He was insisting on seeing me because he had to leave for 4 days. On some reason I answered him that I do like him and miss him but I cant leave to meet him. He answered he understands but it scared me in two ways – WHY did it tell all this to him, than I was changing my mind like this…

    The truth is – I am so scared if him… This ex of his and all how he is scares me… I feel like I am loosing to her, that she is prettier or better and they are still together. And I am just a fling or whatever. I am thinking to run away and avoid him. Just to disappear without any explanation. I dont want to be used, to feel lonely, “second” woman, etc. I dont want to. He txted me a it today but its either because of my state (plus hungover) – I just dont feel like he is really there… I feel he is hiding smth.

    I just want to run away. But I also feel like there is smth to be learned. That its not visible for me yet. Maybe that I think too much or was so hurt before I cant even trust someone and expect smth to happen right away. I cant just relax and have fun without thinking or planning smth for the future. And I always see myself hurt in the end… Its very tiring…

  304.  #304Mel on February 24, 2012 at 6:12 am


    “Serious, clinging and predictable”

    I think your little girl is telling you to have more fun, do all the interesting things you ever wanted to do, and be mysterious and spontaneous. Little girls like stuff like that. 😉

  305.  #305Lena on February 24, 2012 at 6:18 am

    To 286 –

    Its a nice post, Lizka:)

  306.  #306Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Lena – “I cant let go of the feeling I am being lied to.”

    This is a belief maybe driven by the fear. It also seem like your NVs are screaming loudly.

  307.  #307Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Thank you Mel, yes, I have to.

  308.  #308Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 6:28 am

    RE 277 tenny I feel happy for you that you are building awareness.

    I am wondering if it is energy behind your words, your body language or your tonality that the guys are responding to and not necessraily the feeling messages. Though you talk about happy feelings for some reason the vibe around this post came across as a bit of a monotony. I am wonder if you would be open to experimenting with different words to see if you could change the tone of your comments on the blog to practice getting the response that you want out in the world? Just a thought….

  309.  #309Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Hey T-Girl. That feels absolutely wonderful to read.

  310.  #310Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 6:30 am

    tenny – how are you with gushing?

  311.  #311T-Girl on February 24, 2012 at 6:36 am

    I’m off to the hospital with my daughter – she is having her gall bladder surgery today. We will be there until tomorrow. So far she is in great spirits and doesn’t appear to be scared or nervous.

    Hope everyone has a great weekend!

  312.  #312Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:43 am


  313.  #313Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:46 am

    At least the thought of texting him and asking what else is wrong with

    their health
    the resort
    the weather
    a neighbor at the next table
    non-cooperative fish, etc.

    never crossed my mind!

  314.  #314Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Aurora Girl at 6 months most guys start wondering what to do with the relationship and if they want to take it to the next level. He is processing his doubts which is good because it is better he does it now rather than later if you get married. I am also wondering what his parents marriage was like and what his close friends relationships are like. His focus on the possible negativities in marriage is something I have experienced with a cd and he tends to act like he wants to run to the hills so I just let him. He keeps coming back though. It has also been more than 6 months. I would experiment with agreeing with him about the doubts and maybe even suggest that it gives you space to think about whether he is what you want.

    I would also let him know that I feel blah and weighed down as if my energy is draining out of me with all the negative stuff he talks about around marriage and maybe that you don’t like feeling that way with him. I would also maybe look for some great love stories to share about friends experience, maybe plan to watch a movie where there is a happy ending. In other words commit to your own happiness and live it out regardless of what he is saying. Maybe he needs to feel that commitment that you will have it with or without him.

  315.  #315Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 6:48 am

    All the best T-Girl

  316.  #316Lena on February 24, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Hi, FW

    I am crying now…

    I would not be like this if my friend havent told me about this FB page. Its still states – in relationship with that girl.

    I didnt suspect a thing and maybe would thought he is taking things slow but after this… He told me they broke up but I just dont believe it anymore… I told him about that but I dont think its all that simple out there. He told me she had to leave. Nope – she is in town. What kind of person would still be in relationship and date smone? I feel stupid… I deleted his numbers already. Thinking how to delete him from bb messenger too. Its better to run away now, than to be terribly hurt again. I had this before – he would say its nth with her, be sweet to me and that I found out he was seeing her all the time.

    I feel like a failure. That I have my chances to be this calm, feminine woman they all think I am at first and than completely loose it. Its painful. I dont want to go through the pain I had ever again. I think he is still with her, maybe has some problems and just want to have fun on the side. Thats all there is. And there is nth serious there. I am trying to see smth serious.

  317.  #317Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 7:00 am

    “What kind of person would still be in relationship and date smone?”

    Lena people of both genders do this – men and women. There is the imaginary relationship, the uncommitted relationship and the committed relationship. And the list goes on and on. So yeah it depends on the type of relationship the person is in why they would choose to continue dating. Dating is just dating. It is about meeting new people and having fun. If you make it more than that by attaching outcomes, having expectations , behaving as if……..before he asks for anything then yes it can become a problem.

  318.  #318Lena on February 24, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I dont like it like this… I am not there for fun… I am a single mom afterall.

    I better leave all this with him now. Than truly regret later. I dont feel he is really into me – I feel like smth new, an entertainment. I cant change myself – I attach to people. And because I am so family oriented I do expect things. So I am not there for fun at all.

  319.  #319tenny on February 24, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Im going to practice your suggestion and put them on the blog
    What is gushing? Is it like riffing?

  320.  #320Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Interesting comment from an email:-

    “See, according to studies, 59% of our communication is non-verbal.

    And surprisingly, even our verbal communications can be broken down to the actual words we say
    and the way we say those words.

    And out of the verbal communication only 7% of those are attributed to the actual words we say.

    The rest of our verbal communication value is attributed to the tone of voice, the pace of our speech, and how we say those words.

    Norma Jean Mortensen (future Marilyn Monroe)
    writes: “My admirers all said the same thing in different ways,” …”Some said it was the way I looked
    at them–with eyes full of passion. Others said it was my voice that lured them on. Still others said I
    gave off vibrations that floored them.”

  321.  #321Brenda on February 24, 2012 at 7:24 am

    (((Sammie sighs))),

    RE: #281 – “feeling, lost, sad, confused,,,my guy has been stepping up but I know he has a problem he has low self esteem with plenty of woment to call on for a boost. He has never cheated but is emotinally.. I want to run and never look back but ive been running so long,,I want to stop and see if he can step up ..”

    I’m sorry, I wish I had a solution for you. How can we help you?

    Hugs, Brenda

  322.  #322Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 7:26 am

    All of my relationships support me to be my best me
    and to live the life I want, or I don’t have them. This can be one of the hardest milestones to pass, because it means putting a big stake in the ground for yourself. It requires honoring yourself SO much that you only have relationships in your life – friendships, romantic partners, even relatives – that give respect, trust, unconditional love and truth.
    You love and honor yourself so deeply that ALL relationships in your life make your life better, help you reach your dreams and be a better you… or you don’t have them.
    This doesn’t mean that all of your relationships are perfect, void of difficulty, or that you are absolved of giving the same respect and love you desire. Unconditional love and respect go both ways. It also doesn’t mean that you go cutting people out of your life without taking a good deep look at what you want from your relationships, what part you play in creating that relationship dynamic, and then taking steps to one by one, transform, let go or grow the relationships you currently have so that EVERY SINGLE ONE reflects that same unconditional love and respect you have for yourself.

    Self-love requires that you choose me before we in every relationship, which is not
    about being a self-centered, narcissistic, its-all-about-me kind of person. What choosing
    me before we means is that because you have made a commitment to create what your heart and soul desire, you don’t have space in your life for relationships that drag you down, hold you back, create negative ju ju feelings (like shame, guilt, self doubt) or take more energy than they give.
    When you can take a stand to choose me before we in your relationships, you open up the space to let new life-affirming relationships in and allow current ones to grow to new levels of love.


  323.  #323Brenda on February 24, 2012 at 7:28 am


    RE: #302 – Welcome! I don’t know what’s what, but I like what Rori says – to trust our intuition. If something feels unsafe, back off to a safe distance.

  324.  #324Brenda on February 24, 2012 at 7:32 am


    RE: #286 – “When I have an uninteresting guy flirting with me, I am obviously feeling like “whatever I just want to have fun” and feel relax and my vibe must be very high. I must be really “I am the air you need to breath” kind of vibe..

    When I have a really sexy guy coming towards me like Dicaprio or the cute old CD I thought have no girlfriends, I think my NVs kick off big time saying “look at you, you never gonna have a man like that, you never had a hot boyfriend, why would you now?” and I feel stressed and my vibe must switch in just an instant and they might feel it and that must be so unattractive!!!!”

    Right on! Good processing! I struggle with that, too. That’s why it doesn’t work for me to CD men to whom I am not attracted. It is no challenge to me. I won’t be triggered into insecurity.

    So let’s keep CDing and up our vibe and we will be surprised!

  325.  #325Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Thank you Lena

  326.  #326Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 7:35 am

    tenny read 319. Gushing basically means really showing your emotions particularly the good ones like excitement in your eyes, your tone of voice, the smile on your face and in your body, in addition to the emphasis you put on your words. Really concentrate of show deeply how you feel.

  327.  #327Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Lena I am a single mom too. Are you saying we should just be focussed on building a relationship with no fun in it?

  328.  #328Iamabutterfly on February 24, 2012 at 7:52 am

    @83 Daria – Wow, this does feel SUPER vulnerable. I feel embarrassed that I feel so scared of men sometimes, but the honest thing to do would be to LET them see how scared I feel. It will be interesting to see how they respond, as I have never really let myself feel and experience the fear in the presence of a man…

    @90 Mel – Thank you so much for your comment! It feels so reassuring to know that I’m not alone in this.

  329.  #329Iamabutterfly on February 24, 2012 at 7:57 am

    @270 Aurora – It sounds like he is really considering you as a potential marriage partner.

    He may really care about you, but he may be struggling with some extreme terror and skepticism about the institution of marriage.

    I know that with me personally, I really only talk about my skepticism regarding marriage when I’m beginning to feel really safe and good with a man.

    Part of me wants to see how he will react to my skepticism, and part of me wants to see if he will back off due to my own fears and somehow see it as immaturity or something.

    My gut tells me this man really cares about you. Just give him time, and keep being your fabulous self!

    I believe Rori’s husband was dealing with these fears before he proposed.

    A good book to check out is He’s Scared, She’s Scared. While it doesn’t really offer solutions, it does at least give you a glimpse into what some men are thinking when it comes to commitment. It really helped me see my own patterns as well…

    He may not even be close to proposing, but may really like you, and just be trying to see how you handle his fears regarding marriage.

    A man just wants to feel safe, even with his fears…

  330.  #330lk on February 24, 2012 at 8:10 am

    i’m feeling confused.

    on one hand, i can feel fear rising in me. & suspicion & resentment…

    but on the other hand, I don’t have to feel those things.

    what will i need to feel good ?

    time ? dollars ? fidelity ? respect ?

    i want to feel cherished. i do feel cherished.

    i commit to cherishing myself. i can love myself perfectly & practice & practice outward & love all things perfectly. i’m practicing. i love my practice.

    i commit to openness & vulnerability & slowness & ease

  331.  #331Ella on February 24, 2012 at 8:18 am


    I am thinking about what I have eaten today and wondering if it is too much?

    I didn’t think it was but I am feeling really full up so I am going to write it here to see what it looks like:

    2 eggs scrambled with a little bit of olive oil and tomato paste on 2 ryvitas and 1 ryvita topped with reduced fat hummus and sliced tomato.

    Half a banana.

    1 plate of salad leaves with the rest of the sliced tomato and some more reduced fat hummus, tomato paste and 4 thin slices of chicken breast.

    1 yoghurt and honey smoothie from Sainsburys.


    And I feel full to burst all of a sudden.

    I have Pole and Zumba lessons to go and do and tonight when I get home I plan to eat prawns with 1/2 baked sweet potato and some vegetables and maybe more salad.

    I will drink juice with a splash of grapefruit juice.

    Well, looking back at it I don’t think it is a huge amount but it is quite substantial.

    I think it is probably ok.

    I do think that I need energy.

    Wonder if I can get my energy from anywhere else except food.

    My thoughts for example.

    Oh! I know why I feel full… it is because I ate LOADS of food last night.

    I was feeling hung over yesterday.

    I decided not to beat myself up for drinking when I didn’t really want/plan to… but I did eat a load of cr8p as was feeling hung over.

  332.  #332lk on February 24, 2012 at 8:19 am

    i feel good.

    i feel a bit heavy from the Fear…

    i feel cherished. i do.

    i want to feel connected & i want to feel mutually pleased & contented.

  333.  #333Starbright on February 24, 2012 at 8:23 am


    I’m wondering about your comment about not getting triggered by men who are not attractive to you so that you aren’t able to work on issues of insecurity.

    I know I have not wanted to cd them either. .however what just came to mind is if given the opportunity one may get triggered by available men as well as intimacy.

    Unavailable men don’t allow as much practice with intimacy issues. It feeds into ideas of ot being worthy of having a true emotionally/physically available man. And it is generally a no win situation. How long does a woman need to try convincing a man or herself she is good enough for him to truly love as his one?

    I have lots of experience with the unavailable ones too…your comment has me thinking…

  334.  #334Starbright on February 24, 2012 at 8:25 am


    I’m wondering about your comment about not getting triggered by men who are not attractive to you so that you aren’t able to work on issues of insecurity.

    I know I have not wanted to cd them either. .however what just came to mind is if given the opportunity one may get triggered by available men and intimacy.

    Unavailable men don’t allow as much practice with intimacy issues. It feeds into ideas of ot being unworthy of having a true emotionally/physically available man. And it is generally a no win situation. How long does a woman need to try convincing a man or herself she is good enough for him to truly love as his one?

    I have lots of experience with the unavailable ones too…your comment has me thinking…

  335.  #335Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 8:32 am

    FW 313

    “I am also wondering what his parents marriage was like and what his close friends relationships are like.”

    well remember a few posts up I mentioned he has some classic signs that he’s been hurt…..without getting too much into his head or stereotyping….and without breaching his confidence on a public blog (you just never know)…there was a lot of breakdown in his childhood before he was even 12…. volatile parental marriage with alcoholism and eventual divorce, loss of significant grandparent, childhood illness, mother took up with another alcoholic workaholic who died 10 years ago. He himself didn’t like high school left home midteens to find work, never married, fathered a son with an addict but didn’t stay in the relationship, partied until his mid 30s when being a parent finally woke him up. Long term friends seem loyal but mostly guys, blue collar

    Normally I would walk away from this if the story showed up all at once.

    But in the last 20 years he turned his life around. He raised his son on his own, he stopped drinking and using drugs. He focused on work, improving his lifestyle, now watches what he eats, does yoga and meditation, he has always held a well paying blue collar full time job. He is loyal to his sister and her family and visits his elderly mom several times a week. He is generous beyond all doubt. He generally rarely says anything negative about anyone. He owns his past. He is a jack of all trades. He did a lot of stupid stuff he says but never got the law after him. He remembers everyone’s birthdays and buys a gift or sends a card. He is a gentleman. He keeps a clean house and cooks up a storm. He has his black belt. He went back and got a college diploma.

    He just is from the other side of the tracks compared to my life (parents stayed married, I finished graduate school and I’m self employed have three kids, divorced an abusive husband, generally healthy)

    I guess he’s a diamond in the rough, down to earth and really trying….I can relate to him because of all the stories I heard over the years working in the prisons and people struggling and I know we are all human so I try not to judge.

    He is not a “project” of mine, no way no how.

    Iamabutterfly I think you are right….maybe terrified is a good word for how he feels..he has said he’s never loved someone like this before….he calls me the love of his life….he likes to have things figured out though and it’s not possible to set up a sure thing so fear would reasonably show up.

    His family says they’ve never seen him so happy

    But I can see that he has a lot of hurts.
    and he has a lot of negative thoughts of sabotage or “it’s too good to be true”
    But I see that he is trying.

    I have told him I am “in”, and that I see the obstacles in a LD, and the unknowns. I have said “I’ve buckled my seat belt” which means I”m giving this a go. But I’ve also said I don’t know where any of this is headed which is true.

    When I’m with him I feel good. It’s when we’re apart that his NV take hold of him and wreak havoc.

    I just wonder if I just need to keep doing what’s important to me and if he stays along for the ride so be it….if not……so be it.

    Maybe that’s where the blah comes in…..

    wondering if I have an enthusiastic partner in this or a skeptic….wondering if the skeptic will soften or not……


  336.  #336Brenda on February 24, 2012 at 8:34 am


    RE #332 – My discussion wasn’t about available vs. unavailable men, and I wonder if what you wrote was meant as a slam. I wasn’t discussing Ryan. Apparently, you were.

    I was talking about Circular Dating available men: some I am attracted to and some are not who I would ever consider marrying.

    Altho Rori would say CD them even if you wouldn’t consider them for marriage, I am saying that does little for me. I have been a nerd magnet all my life, because I’m too nice. It is effortless for me to sit down and talk with a man to whom I’m not attracted. I don’t need more of that practice.

    I need practice with men who make my heart race! And I already ended my friendship with Ryan, so I don’t need to end it again.

  337.  #337lk on February 24, 2012 at 8:43 am

    where is starla ? i want an update

  338.  #338Starbright on February 24, 2012 at 8:46 am


    I was talkIng about men in general – not Ryan. No, it was not meant as a slam to you.

  339.  #339Laughing Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 8:47 am

    lk, I was wondering that too. I hope she’s okay.

  340.  #340lk on February 24, 2012 at 8:51 am

    @laughing goddess

    how do you & your Sweetie share home labors ? i feel curious…. cleaning ? cooking ? straightening ? shopping ?

    i feel confused about my ideal vision on this….

  341.  #341Aurora Girl on February 24, 2012 at 8:56 am

    another share from the LOA

    “When your heart is singing, you are allowing Well-being. When you are appreciating, you are allowing Well-being.

    When you are yelling at somebody, you’re not. When you’re feeling insecure, you’re not. When you’re frustrated, you’re not.”

    — Abraham

  342.  #342Brenda on February 24, 2012 at 8:56 am


    RE: #337 – Ok, my bad. I guess I’m getting sensitive about that on the blog.

  343.  #343Laughing Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Starbright 332

    “however what just came to mind is if given the opportunity one may get triggered by available men as well as intimacy.”

    This has been my experience. In the past, I’ve almost always been attracted to unavailable men. While I definitely dealt with feelings of loneliness, I can honestly say that being with an available man has been much more triggering.

    It triggers my feelings of worthiness.

    It has felt really difficult sometimes.

    I admire you for being able to recognize this possibility for yourself as it most likely will come up.

  344.  #344lk on February 24, 2012 at 9:02 am

    i want to do what i want to do & i want beauty & community & family & love, so i will cultivate beauty & community & family & love

  345.  #345Laughing Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 9:03 am


    He does most of the grocery shopping and cooking, feeds the dogs, stacks and brings in the firewood.

    I do more of the straightening and general pick-up, and kitty litter (yuk!).

    We pretty much share the deep cleaning chores, and dishes, although I would say I do a little more because I have a lower tolerance for mess than he does.

    We each do our own laundry.

    I’d say he general does more than I do as far as overall chores go.

    In fact, I feel a little weird because in my efforts to lean back, I have become a little lazy. I’m learning not to do do do all the time.

    I think at this point, I have leaned too far back and am feeling ineffective in my life…if that makes sense. I’d like to be more proactive and productive.

    Rather than channel that energy into him, like I used to do with men in my past. I would like to channel it into better self-care.

    How are you feeling about your current set-up with CD?

  346.  #346Laughing Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 9:10 am

    lk 343

    That’s going to be my mantra for the day. Thanks!

  347.  #347lk on February 24, 2012 at 9:14 am

    @laughing goddess

    thank you… yes i share your feeling of leaning & laze : ) it’s disconcerting, after being such a Do-er my little long life….

    umm… i feel Upset about the set-up with CD right now…. I feel a little “afraid” about it….

    because we share space much of the time & he does so much…. & i like to cook & do dishes & straighten & make it “home-y”…… but sometimes when he asks me to do things (even though i had said it would feel nice to know what would feel helpful to him, since i see Service as a huge way of giving/receiving love for me…) I get triggered ! & also i get triggered whenever he suggests a different way… or asks me a question……. it’s my own toxic insecurities… because I am young…. & feel very “new” at home-making…. but also defensive, because i’ve been cooking for myself since age 11 ! lol

    & also i feel weird being asked to help (again, i asked him to ask me) like make breakfast…. or help make the bed…. in a house where it isn’t My House…. like…. it still feels like His space ? & also, he hasn’t offered me The Commitment i really want – so what am i doing acting like a partner ?

    but at the same time, i’m happy. i feel loved, cared for, cherished……

    he said when we were discussing it that he is already living Commitment in relationship with me…. but i told him my Full Commitment looks like marriage….. & he said that sounds nice…… but i said i like our pace & i feel New still in this relationship….

    so we just agreed to Slowness & slowly sharing & adjusting… & making mistakes & adjusting expectations……

    it feels very frightening & loaded.

    also, i feel Unsafe a little bit in sharing so much time & space with a man who has not given me what i see as my Full Commitment……….. yet, i would not want that this second anyway !

    anyway, yes, ranting. catch 22. etc…. hm.

  348.  #348lk on February 24, 2012 at 9:17 am

    anyway, i’m practicing letting go of my defensiveness that screams, ” I don’t want to be a live-in girlfriend !! ”

    so i can just date, feel my feelings, express my truth without blame or expectation, & receive love & allow that love to wash back over the world : )

  349.  #349Siren Angel on February 24, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Experiencing serious oxytocin withdrawal after spending the last seven nights with M.

  350.  #350Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Aurora thanks for indulging me with the details and I totally understand your reservations about sharing them. He sounds like someone who choose to upgrade himself and is still dealing with his demons. In my mind a diamond in the rough. As long as he is committed to his own evolution I believe that kind of person could be a very good partner with a lot of patience. We are all still a work in progress.

  351.  #351Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 9:32 am


    When a cute guy is talking to me, partly I think about myself. How pretty my dress is, how nice my hair looked in the mirror. The other part is feeling – how much do I like myself in his presence? Whatever he is saying – does it make me feel good?

  352.  #352Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Wow 7 nights is BIG!

  353.  #353Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 9:41 am


    I still have this WOW feeling about how you turned your relationship around.. I don’t know if I will ever have the strength

  354.  #354Laughing Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 9:43 am

    lk: I can totally relate to the dance you described. I think this just might be part of the process of growing a healthy relationship…learning about ourselves and what our triggers and needs are and trusting our boundaries.

    It sounds like you two have a really solid foundation to build on and I see you navigating through this gracefully.

    Just don’t give up on yourself and your dream. 🙂

  355.  #355Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 9:46 am

    lk “” I don’t want to be a live-in girlfriend !! ”

    This is good if this is what you want so you can feel solid and secure in a relationship. So you can totally let go into deep surrender with no holds barred.

    “he said when we were discussing it that he is already living Commitment in relationship with me….”

    This is also good.

    Now to find a way to let him know that what you want is important to you as part of your dream, your vision for your life and that you are prepared to walk away to go live your dream life. But you have to be willing to do that and accept that he might not want what you want. To find a way to allow him to feel that moving to the next level is his idea and will benefit his life.

  356.  #356Siren Angel on February 24, 2012 at 9:53 am

    STS @257,

    I am just catching up on the blog. But yes, I do wonder how it all plays out in ‘family life’.

    I love to cook, and he loves my cooking. I have to find a balance between cooking and not overfunctionning, letting him choose or even better suggest the meal plan, let him clean-up (he usually says ‘just leave it, I’ll do it’ which is sometimes hard for me to just leave it there.

    I have my whole life cooked the meals in all my relationships, some of those years as a single mom so it’s a habit. This is a learning curve for me. I find balance in making the pancakes at breakfast for the kids while he’s still in bed, because well, I need to mother the kids! And he appreciates the effort so much. However, I am slacking off the dinners unless HE ASKS me too or suggests meal plans we can do together. It is right now a wait-and-see game that has rather paid off so far. I’m actually liking this.

  357.  #357Siren Angel on February 24, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Memulo @352,

    THANK YOU!!!

  358.  #358Starbright on February 24, 2012 at 9:57 am

    LG 342
    Thanks for your feedback! I have felt torn because I feel like more times than not I have been attracted to all types of unavailable men.

    The available ones I meet don’t interest me for one reason or another. I want to get to the ones who are high quality and attractive to me and in all ways available!

    I know at that point my intimacy triggers will show up. I do feel like I have had more than enough of wanting men who most likely will never step up for me. I have learned pining and rejection. I no longer choose that for myself!

    How did you find men that were available that you were attracted to? A numbers thing with circular dating?

  359.  #359Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 10:01 am

    As part of my love me plan for February I put a picture of myself as a wallpaper on my phone. I wonder what my plan could be for March?

  360.  #360Starbright on February 24, 2012 at 10:03 am


    Your comment just got me thinking about where I am. It has felt difficult for me to find attractive available men….where are they? I am ready to learn about true intimacy.

    Universe- I am now ready.

  361.  #361Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Input please:

    I am “giving up” (yay me!) on communication with a special fellow…
    he is too young and inexperienced and just not capable of “catching” I feel.
    he seems to be headstrong and caught up on blame and fault and not feelings.
    Our last email he ended it with “let’s talk. I don’t like when you disappear, it worries me” after a long email of, again, “explaining” how I was wrong and he is right, essentially.

    I am done talking about it. You can get nowhere with him. I want to express this without making it about him which is really hard since it basically is, lol, him.

    this is what I have:

    It feels good to hear you say I love you, that you care about my feelings and my happiness, that you worry.

    I would love to talk about this and resolve it without getting into blame and fault but I feel 100% doubtful and hopeless of this.

    For my well-being and for the sake of our potential future friendship, I am giving up.

  362.  #362Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:12 am


    *…and resolve it without feeling 100% at fault but I feel completely hopeless…

  363.  #363April Rose on February 24, 2012 at 10:12 am

    FW 313
    “…commit to your own happiness and live it out regardless of what he is saying. Maybe he needs to feel that commitment that you will have it with or without him.”


  364.  #364Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:13 am

    tweak of the tweak:

    *….and resolve it without feeling 100% at fault but it feels completely hopeless

  365.  #365Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:17 am

    would it be insulting to say

    “for my sanity and for….I am giving up” ?

    should I even use the words “giving up”?

  366.  #366Radiant Rising on February 24, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Goodheart, I got an email for you. 🙂 You can reach me at m.glory61@yahoo.com

    Have an awesome day!

  367.  #367Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Megan ” I feel he seems to be headstrong and caught up on blame and fault and not feelings” seems to be focussed on how wrong he is and it is not a feeling, it is more a thought, in my opinion.

    Maybe he debates a lot and it leaves you feeling drained? Maybe you feel helpless and like you want to pull your hair out when you go around in circles about the same topic? Maybe you have a position, he has one and you could both look for a third way that could possibly work for you? Taking a stance can really drive a relationship underground but it is likely that the same stance will be taken in another relationship. You might want to include in your message that you are invested in being happy rather than being right.

    Saying you are done talking about it feels very final and like you have already closed a door, maybe even built up walls? I would ask myself what is that?

    Just some thoughts…………

  368.  #368Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:21 am

    no, I change my mind.

    I don’t even want to bring fault into it. this is what I’m trying to get away from.
    I feel so confused.
    I don’t mind apologizing when I have offended or said something “wrong”, it just feels like I am the only one apologizing and I am constantly offending him whereas he is blind to his own offenses.

    I feel so *HUGE SIGH*. confused.

  369.  #369Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Megan maybe “discussing it feels like I am beating my head against a brick. I don’t want to feel that way with you. I don’t want to argue.”

    BTW what is the issue? Remember with men you have to be prepared to negotiate.

  370.  #370Laughing Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Starbright: 357

    “How did you find men that were available that you were attracted to? A numbers thing with circular dating?”

    For me, it was more of an energy thing than a numbers thing. I focused on appreciating and connecting with all the men in my life, friends, dad, men I would encounter in public.

    I fell in love with life and nature and would see all of the good things happening in my life as the Divine Masculine courting me……I hope that makes sense.

    I pursued my own passions…

    and I ended up meeting my guy organically while doing treating myself to something I loved…going to hot springs.

    I feel excited for your future. It seems like you’ve hit a pivotal point in realizing that unavailable men are no longer satisfying you.

  371.  #371Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:28 am


    thanks for the response. I did not write that last one in response to you, I had not seen your response yet.

    I do feel drained. I feel very drained. We do go in circles, but the topic is always him “explaining” how he is right and what I do/say that is wrong and offensive.
    I’ve tried speaking in feeling messages, the word “you” is left completely out.

    I’ve tried repeating, over and over, ” I want my feelings to be acknowledged”

    he says “you can’t just keep saying that”

    I am going to find one of our convos to illustrate the situation

  372.  #372Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

    him: ofcourse i care about your feelings but i felt it was you that was wrong and should have apologised. it was only that i cared for you that i wrote to you

    me: this is exactly it
    that feels really really angry and harsh and blaming to me
    that i “should” have apologized
    and i was wrong
    i dont want it to be about this AT ALL
    it should be about feelings and if you hurt someones feelings that you love
    you acknowledge that and try to make it right, regardless of who’s “fault” it was
    i want my happiness to mean more than you being right or me being wrong
    honestly i dont think i said anything that horrible to apologize
    i did it bc you felt offended

    him: firstly i think its wrong to believe that aslong as you say sorry thats all that matters, it defeats any sort of respect you should hold for someone you love or anybody
    and secondly its bad that you apologised just cuz i was offended

    me: i didnt feel cared for
    i didnt want you to slag them off
    and it felt insulting that you kept insisting thats what i wanted
    comments were made that felt hurtful n insulting to me
    and what about my feelings>
    what about me feling insulted>

    him: megan i never said anything to you to try and hurt you whereas you said things where it was just aimed at me and theres no other reason to say such things other than to hurt and youve sdone it many times before and thats where the difference is
    this feels attacking
    i dont want to feel attacked
    i dont want to feel blamed
    well what am i supposed to do
    i dont want this to carry on
    how else can i deal with it


    him: you cant just keep sayig that
    i do ackowledge your feelings, i try my hardest. if i say something that you dont like tell me with some respect. it doenst give you the right to say bad stuff about me

    ***but this last line is a big fat LIE. I tell him, respectfully, in feeling messages, I’ve used lots of feeling messages and NEVER, EVER an
    I’m sorry you feel that way or anything.
    he just glosses right over it and goes back to him being offended and the horrible things I say to him

  373.  #373Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

    the part where it says:

    I dont want to feel attacked
    I dont want to feel blamed
    this is ME

    then he replies:
    well what am I supposed to do
    i dont want this to carry on

  374.  #374Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

    his closest friends know how stubborn he is and that there is no rationalizing, they tell me this and they say that they always just give up, there’s no getting anywhere with him.

    in the past when I have used feeling messages, sometimes he says:
    you can word it that way but I’m not dumb, I know what you’re really insinuating, I know what you really mean

    it’s maddening when i think of the effort I have put in NOT to offend him, not to argue, and I am always left feeling unacknowledged, hurt

    it feels like I’m being a punching bag and taking on too much blame and biting my lip too much in an effort to salvage it and get somewhere without offending him or making it about him

  375.  #375Megan on February 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

    I wish I could just tell him that last line

  376.  #376Starbright on February 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

    369 Laughing Goddess,

    Reading your thoughts brings tears to my eyes! And the way in whIch you found your guy sounds so lovely. It would feel so good to create in a very similar way. I thank you so much for sharing. It means a lot to me! I feel seen and appreciate knowing your positive story of meeting someone organically!


  377.  #377lk on February 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

    dxmn. reading a list of oprah’s “issues that follow you from childhood” or whatever. i feel a little nervous at how big of an axshole i am o_0 lol

    so far i’m counting: entitlement , social isolation , dependence , & hypochondria

    those are really bad. i’m a serious jerk if those are true.

    but i’m not that bad… & i know i’m an entitled, self-isolated, dependent, hypochondriac brat actually. thank you. but i’m also a wife of Ghandi – i’m a buddha ! i’m the center of a star. i’ve never existed : )

  378.  #378Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Megan he might be stubborn and controlling. The “shoulds” suggest that he might be controlling. That said I believe you might be pushing his stubborn buttons that causes him to resist. For instance if I got a sentence via email with all caps I know I would be turned off and want to fight. Reason being that it feels to me like someone is shouting at me.

    He is saying he feels attacked. That is how he feels.
    He might want his feeling validated. He might want to feel heard. He might just be reflecting you back to yourself here.

    this whole paragraph feels argumentative to me
    and blaming to me

    me: i didnt feel cared for
    i didnt want you to slag them off
    and it felt insulting that you kept insisting thats what i wanted
    comments were made that felt hurtful n insulting to me
    and what about my feelings>
    what about me feling insulted>”

    I will continue to tell my impression in another post.

  379.  #379Megan on February 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I feel doubting of myself now…

    am I wanting/asking too much?
    I am not wanting him to take RESPONSIBILITY for all my feelings, but I want him to CARE.

    Don’t guys apologize, sympathize, say SOMETHING nice, kind, compassionate, even when it’s not their fault??
    don’t they just want you to be happy???
    it seems his own ego comes before my happiness

  380.  #380Megan on February 24, 2012 at 11:13 am


    those bits were taken from a skype convo

    and I was the one saying i feel attacked, that was a typo where I forgot to caption that is was me speaking

    and it always feels argumentative and blaming with him, to me. evrytime I try to express myself in feeling messages it’s always responded with what I did wrong.
    I. am NEVER. validated.

  381.  #381Goodheart on February 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Radiant, I am sending you an email 🙂

  382.  #382Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Megan “and secondly its bad that you apologised just cuz i was offended” to me, this is him asking you to go into your feelings and share that. I have to agree with him here. A lot of what is happening in the conversation seems masculine from your end. Also it is best to discuss these things in person. It is easy to misunderstand through emails.

    Megan does this

    “him: ofcourse i care about your feelings but i felt it was you that was wrong and should have apologised. it was only that i cared for you that i wrote to you”

    really feel angry and harsh or is it just that you are triggered by those “words”? Could it be that someone in your past used those words to you to try and control you. I don’t like him telling you that you were wrong but you know what, you could have agreed with him there.

    Maybe something like “you know what you are right or it is something for me to really think about. Maybe we are not a match and this is helping me to ask myself if you are what I want or if this is the kind relationship I want. Thank you for bringing this up and helping me to really look at myself. My happiness is very important to me” or something to that effect.

  383.  #383Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Megan. Ok. Many guys have a very difficult time apologizing, at least until they know they want to make you happy.

  384.  #384lk on February 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

    a lot i feel like an ugly starved little orphan who digs her way out with magical hard work & determination & a little “knack” …. however, this makes me believe that… 1) i play by my own rules 2) i’m alone 3) any support must be clung to 4) catastrophe is coming


    well i can help myself out a lot on these ones. it’s helping me to see my Kitchen Anxieties too… (which by the way have become insane at this point lol)…

    i’m a good girl.

    are there “rules” ?

    the non-conventional part of me says, No Rules, lk !

    well…. then how can i have the relationship i want if i say for me there are no rules ? i want some rules i think. no rules, still she says.

  385.  #385Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Arguing with him obviously will not get your feelings validated. However, validating his might inspire him to validate yours. Maybe stepping totally away after letting him know that you expect him to cherish your feelings and you are not feeling that way with him, especially when you feel like you are always wrong might give him time to look at himself. Standing up to him by arguing won’t get you there though. That is what guys do and I believe is very masculine energy. All he needs to know is that it feels bad to you.

  386.  #386Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Megan my sense of you is that you are a beautiful strong woman trying to love and get love. Can I encourage you to try and go into your body to really feel your feelings. Can I encourage you to stop capitalizing your words in your email? Look for things about yourself that you can change so your brain can register that you changing to total feminine

  387.  #387Megan on February 24, 2012 at 11:32 am


    I feel on edge to your responses.

    I feel I am trying very hard to stay in feeling messages and expressing so how is it masculine to you?

    and when you say you agree with him about the apology. this feels very, very confusing. You offend someone, you apologize. no?
    this feels getting into blame.

    i feel very triggered and defensive.
    you have one snippet of one argument.
    every single argument I am wrong and he doesn’t apologize or acknowledge his offenses.

    Obviously I do not want to argue anymore. I know this will not get my feelings validated. I have told him, repeatedly, I want my feelings to be acknowledged, this feels bad, this feels blaming and attacking.
    should he not get it by now that I feel bad???
    before this convo I had tried speaking with him about it and i had to end it with
    “this feels bad, I want to hear you but I don’t want to feel this bad”

    he blatantly says things that are offensive that are NEVER ackowledged by him but my offenses are magnified.
    i can’t be the only one offending in 100% of all cases.
    There has to be a middle ground.
    I feel bitter and resentful at apologizing for it’s like he eats it up and then when he feels better,moves on, and my feelings are left, shattered on the floor.

  388.  #388lk on February 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

    entitlement: i believe that i “should” have “whatever i want” & that something about *me* makes me more deserving of this than a random person.

    i do not believe that. i believe that this Life is just one single Scenario that i am living out. i don’t believe that me “getting” anything will reduce someone else’s chances of “getting” something. i don’t think i need anything. i sort of “need” food & water, etc. but not really. i give myself permission to “desire” things without really caring about them, & without viewing my “material” situation “in comparison” with others.

    entitlement: i believe that there are separate Rules for me because I am Special.

    i don’t believe that exactly…. but i believe something like that….. about Rules… & how the Rules aren’t True…. like Student Loans & how by pursuing a diversity mission & by handing out student loans like candy, we have an entire generation of Academically & Institutionally Enslaved. very unfortunate & strange. i feel grateful that i don’t have student loans. so….. I do actually believe that the only Rules i have to live by are my own. i’m not sure if that’s bad… but sometimes it is. i’m sure that once I myself actually agree with my own Rules, then i’ll feel better. & i give myself permission to trust other people that i love when they share their opinions about Rules without feeling Punished or Judged.

    i want to make my own Rules for myself & i want to be respectful of the Rules in which other people Believe.

  389.  #389Siren Angel on February 24, 2012 at 11:36 am


    Maybe it would help if we knew more about your relationship with this man. Have you been seeing him long? Are you in a relationship with him? How you met him? What is the arguing ABOUT exactly?

  390.  #390Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Megan you are the only one “here” so the work that has to be done is with you. No one can control his behavior, only he can. No one is suggesting that you are the only one offending.

    What he is telling you about the apology is how he is receiving it. As women we tend to want to be nice and giving and feel that if we don’t we are being rude. Men are different. I take it that maybe he is thinking that no apology is even necessary.

    He should get that you feel bad yes. But the thing is that you stand in his face and argue with him rather than leaving to take care of your feelings. Men stand up and fight. Women walk away and go cry. Do you see the difference here?

  391.  #391Megan on February 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

    I feel like agreeing with him about this statement:

    “him: ofcourse i care about your feelings but i felt it was you that was wrong and should have apologised. it was only that i cared for you that i wrote to you”

    only feeds into the blame game.

    and what am I even wrong about?????
    ugggghh I feel like bawling exhausted, completely drained, someone please just tell me what to do
    bc no offense, but none of this feels right

  392.  #392lk on February 24, 2012 at 11:39 am

    in the Kitchen, i feel entitled to laziness because i’m a woman – i’m a feminist – i’m a blazing saddle with diamonds between my legs – i don’t take orders. eff you bxtches.

    ok, lk. thanks for sharing.

    what else ?

    i feel entitled to do things my way in the Kitchen because this is my effing zone & i’m doing whatever i want & your mama does not know better than my mama.

  393.  #393Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

    “You offend someone, you apologize. no?”

    Not always. This seems like coddling a man’s feelings sometimes. He can take care of his own feelings. As you can already tell arguing is useless.

  394.  #394Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Megan you are so triggered by the word wrong. Can you see that? As long as that word is used it seems like you cannot hear anything else. What do you think?

  395.  #395Megan on February 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

    I feel furious. I feel I want to blast him out.

    I feel furious for anyone supporting him and his stubbornness.

    I wish I had a chart to showcase how many times I’ve accepted fault that wasn’t mine just to resolve it and how many times he hasn’t and it’s been left open-ended. It shouldn’t be this hard to get an apology or TO GET TO FEELING BETTER.

    I feel so confused and doubting, I love my doubt but it feels HORRIBLE, panicky, urgent, I don’t want to feel I messed this up, I don’t feel like I did. this can’t all be me. I feel tears streaming down now.
    I’ve already apologized and poured my heart out and afterwards, when my feelings were still unacknowledged it felt ANGRY AND BITTER and makes me not want to apolgize ever again for it is taken,snatched up, with nothing in return.

    I feel sooooo much grief and tears and hopelessness.

  396.  #396Starbright on February 24, 2012 at 11:43 am


    This sounds frustrating! Have you looked at Ror’s Toxic Man program? It can help you look at things and see if this is an issue.

    And, what could really benefit you is in the examples she has with role playing with women in the audience in dealing with men.

    The love script programs could also be helpful.

  397.  #397lk on February 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

    social isolation: i believe i am an alien & totally misunderstood & “Quirky” with Oddities & Bizarreness & Eccentricities & Kinks………

    i believe this. i feel like a frxak & people say i’m weird all the time. co-workers, family, friends. i suppose they are trying to help, but it usually feels more confusing. thank you, humans, for trying to assist. i’ll continue my efforts & try to be more receptive to yours as well. by the way, though, i feel more Normal every day actually i think. i learn a little every day. i’m practicing ! i love my practice : )

  398.  #398Megan on February 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I have to go unfortunately, get ready for work.

    I feel very triggered and I really want to continue this FW.

    I feel sorry for any offense I may have caused, I am not meaning to say these things AT you, but to you.

    I hope we can continue later…
    I am feeling very sad.

  399.  #399Rori Raye on February 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Arno – I want to answer you, because my life was saved (literally and every other way), by my gay male friends long ago – and I’ve discovered, through coaching so many women (and 1 or two men) who want to be the feminine energy partner in a relationship – that it’s all the same for us women and for you – except for this: hormones. Your body works differently because you’re a man. Your mind works differently in many ways. Your training has been different, and the cultural cues around you are different. You have testosterone, dopamine, vasopressin, and estrogen in varying and different ways than we do…and combined with other personality factors that we all deal with – things can get challenging. I cannot offer advice in the way you’d like – but I say to EVERYONE:

    Nutrition, hormonal issues, supplements, holistic, natural, chinese medicine, spiritual work – ALL are HUGE! What makes one person pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start all over again might make another person – perhaps you in this situation – crumble. We tend to look down on people who crumble – and so when we DO crumble – we beat ourselves up on top of it all! I say to anyone – go do research, go to a Western Doctor and an alternative doctor, read, go to meditation centers.

    For mood and self-esteem – Food and supplements make a huge difference. Stop sugar, stop gluten, take omega 3’s, walk in the air, do things you love. Get professional help. If you feel that you might have an addictive personality – substances, food – a man…go to CODA. Life is short. Help yourself enjoy it. Love, Rori

  400.  #400Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Megan this that you said in 394 “with nothing in return” is key and what I was kind of referring to. He might be experiencing the apologies as you looking to control the outcome.

    If you apologize, do it because that is what your intuition is telling you to do. It should not be with the aim at getting something in return. I understand it might be difficult or counterintuitive but that is what get results.

  401.  #401Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:51 am

    No No. Megan no offense at all. We all have to wade through the muck to get to the other side.

  402.  #402Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Megan you might have some angered stuffed down and it is good to get them in the open, even if it is on here until you can do it in your life.

  403.  #403lk on February 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

    in the Kitchen, i feel socially isolated because i feel like Everyone Expects It To Be Done Differently….. & i get triggered thinking of CD sometimes saying, “no…” or “that doesn’t sound that good” because it reminds me of my mama saying, that sounds weird !

  404.  #404Mochaberri on February 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Hello Sirens!! Trying to get some work done at work…lol – haven’t been able to check in a lot today.

    @ FW #175 – not sure who you were addressing but it really inspired me. I know that this is how I’ve been with KR and understand how it has delayed our growth. I experience anxiety a lot and it has led me to call him and when I don’t get the response I was looking for I get even more anxious. And the truth is that what’s beneath it all is fear.

    As I’m beginning to feel those feelings and sit with them it allows me to be true to myself and true to him when he comes towards me. I can say what I feel and trust that he hears and cherishes them. My only struggle is to let go of the blame as to why I’m feeling the fellings I’m feeling.

    I feel that it’s because I express my feelings to him is what draws him in even when things aren’t going well and he trys to outgirl me with his feelings. Our connection is truly emotional

  405.  #405Siren Angel on February 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Megan, it sounds like he may have anger or other similar issues that are beyonf your control. How long have you been with this man? Is this the 1st time he is like this?

  406.  #406Arno on February 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Thanks Rori,

    I know it will take time though, and I completely understand now, because I tried to handle it the way my girlfriends would.


  407.  #407lk on February 24, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    dependence: i believe that i require the input of another person to make the Correct Choice & i believe i am being Abandoned when the other person removes themselves from the situation.

    i do believe this, only because i usually am only doing what i’m doing because someone else has a vested interest in me doing it. you see ? otherwise… choices for myself ? i suppose i feel afraid of that concept because i’m afraid of Hurting or Disappointing the other person by Failing to Complete The Task in an Acceptable way….

    dependence: i believe i gain value from being observed.

    for some reason, i also believe this. i feel supported by the mere act of aware presence…. like… my dad used to say, “you don’t want help; you just want company” lol that’s really true : ) i’m sorry, humans. i try. i really try. i do my best & i know you do your best.

  408.  #408lk on February 24, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    (((Arno))) hugs

  409.  #409lk on February 24, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    dependence in the kitchen ? honestly, a lot of the time i would go hungry if there was no one feeding me. i eat so many things “plain” too that it’s really easy for me to open the fridge, grab a handful of lettuce, some walnuts, & an apple & go back to my business.

    also, i have been mostly dependent on other people for my food until about 1.5 year ago… so i forgive myself & also i intend to take more responsibility for my healthy eating & food preparation activities & also i intend to allow myself to have my own preferences & desires, independent of others’, while still respecting their opinions.

  410.  #410lk on February 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    hypochondriac: i believe that the end is coming & that i am inherently Weak or Weaker Than…

    hmm… i do kind of believe this also. i believe that being small should change the physical expectations that others have of me. i also tend to focus on the Frailty of the human body, but only because it feels safe for me to keep Mortality near to my center… it feels Comforting & Lovely… i forgive myself : ) i don’t even believe in Guilt !

  411.  #411Siren Angel on February 24, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    How do you add a Gravatar to the blog?

  412.  #412lk on February 24, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    in the Kitchen, my hypochondriac self believes she is being Put Upon & is Too Weak & Tired & Confused for helping…. also, she believes she is being Attacked by any perceived criticism. poor girl !

    i give myself permission to ask for help & i give myself permission to do something a way that makes everyone else think to themselves, “poor girl can’t even boil water” lol

  413.  #413Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Hi ,

    Do you want to know how to unlock the beautiful, feminine, sexual being that you are?

    Do you want to unlock the power that will make men swoon?

    Do you want to be in control of whom you attract into your life?

    I’m going to share an exercise that I’ve talked about before that I want all of you to do. It’s one of the best exercises in the world. I’ll give you a little background:

    As men and women, we really are very primal. A man wants to feel like he’s the King; he wants to feel like he’s the king of the cave; he wants to feel like he’s the caveman bring home the food. He wants his woman to adore him.

    I’m not talking about being a pushover or anything. I’m just saying that if you adore the man, and he’ll adore you back. Because deep down, no matter how succe ssful you might be as a woman, you still want to feel like a princess. You still want to feel like a queen. You want to be protected.

    The only way to do that is to really unlock your pure primal sexual being. If you unlock your pure primal sexual being, a man awakens. He feels alert. He feels alive. And he’s intrigued.

    A lot of women have trouble doing this because they’re so busy in the work world, fighting with men, battling with men, earning the money and so forth, that they never unlock it. Plus, they’re afraid due to their own programming—mainly programming from their past, the programming that they had growing up. Parents telling them not to let their sexual energy out—‘you’ll be a slut’—whatever it might be. So what happens is most women don’t unlock their true sexual being. And that’s where everything goes wrong.

    So here’s what I want you to do: the next time you see a man that you’re attracted to, instead of doing the usual—waiting for him to approach, or maybe doing the coy smile or looking down at the ground and doing nothing—I want you to unlock that feminine goddess sexual being.

    I want you to look at him and I want you to imagine that you can give him the best damn blowjob he’s ever had in his entire life. You can even picture a blowjob that you gave to a guy that brought him down to his knees. I want you to realize that you can take this man and bring him down to his knees instantly. I want you to look at him as you’re picturing that.

    What happens is that you’re going to smile. You might even blush. You might start laughing. And he’s going to look at you and he’s going to feel that. It’s a primal thing.

    He’s going to wonder what you’re thinking. And he’s going to immediately feel attracted to you because you’re different than any other woman. You’re a mystery. There’s intrigue. He wants to find out what you’re thinking. The gutsy guy may ask you and you can just tell him you’re having a good day, with a smile.

    The bottom line is by unlocking that true sexual goddess inside, you’re going to be able to really attract more men in your life than ever before. But more importantly, you’re going to start to have the sexual experiences that you deserve. You’re going to become that sexual being that you deserve . And you’re finally going to understand how to really pull over some really good men, because it’s about being primal.

    Tarzan still wanted Jane, but Jane knew how to unlock the beast in Tarzan. But the modern woman doesn’t. It’s time for you to get visual. It’s time for you to start imagining. And it’s time for you to unlock that thing, that very primal thing, and watch the results fly in.

    Every client I’ve ever done this with has been immensely successful and they’ve met men that they have never met before.

    It’s your turn.

    Your friend,

    David Wygant

  414.  #414Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    10 Ways to Get a Man to Approach You

    And these are 10 of my favorites. Let’s go backwards and start with my least favorite firs.t

    The Top 10 Ways to Start a Conversation with a Man You’re Attracted To:

    10. When at a bar, scrunch up a napkin, dip it into your glass of water and throw it at his head and smile at him. Trust me, this works.

    9. When at a bar, pass him a note on a napkin like you used to do when you were in grammar school. Say something funny and clever on it like, “Hey, can you bring that bowl of peanuts over to this table over here? We’re hungry.” And get the waiter to bring that note over there.

    8. When in a supermarket pushing your cart, head directly towards his cart and ram him, and then look at him with a smile and say, “I hope you have insurance.”

    7. When at a coffee shop, look at him, smile, hold your hand out and let it shake and say, “I better get this caffeine or I’m going to lose my mind today.” (Remember, do it with a smile so he doesn’t think you’re crazy.)

    6. When in a restaurant and you’re sitting near him at a table, walk over to him and ask him for a bite of his food. Do it once again with a smile.

    5. When in line at the supermarket and you’re behind him, take a look at the food that he has on the conveyor belt, look at him and say, “You got enough to share with me tonight?” That’s being really bold. Try it and see what happens.

    4. When in the elevator in your office building and the guy standing next to is a guy you’ve always wanted to talk to, look at him and tell him that you’re telepathic and you know exactly what he’s thinking next. Elevators are strangely awkward and it’s a good thing to break the ice with a joke.

    3. When you see a guy that you’re most attracted to, just smile and say, “Hello.” It doesn’t matter where you are. Everyone says hello back. (Everyone worth talking to.)

    2. Drop the iPhone or the Blackberry or any other electronic device, be more aware of your surroundings, and make eye contact with the men you find attractive. (And I’m not talking about that quick 3-millisecond eye contact that I see women do, I’m talking about real, lasting, earth-shifting eye contact.)

    1. My favorite way to start a conversation with a man and to attract a man in your life is stop waiting for men to approach you and to start using everything in your toolbox – from number 2 to number 10 – and realize that this is your life and you have to take responsibility for it.

    The reason why they’re not approaching you is because you won’t make yourself available to be approached. You think you might be, but you’re not – otherwise, they would have approached you by now.

    So go get ‘em ladies! And if you want to knowThe Art Of Attracting Men: The Inside Truth To The Way A Man’s Mind Works click here.

    Your friend,

    David Wygant

  415.  #415lk on February 24, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    i love my bratty, insecure self & i pour love on her & i give her permission to forgive herself, no intermediate guilt, just doing things differently & feeling good. i commit to practicing in the Kitchen, since i’ve been feeling bad-ish in the Kitchen. sad little girl lk. remember now mama says, Don’t Sweep Like That & then i have to do it again & i do it wrong & it’s all wrong & i’m crying & no one cares…. someone sees me with the hot water, yells Careful ! i spill on my tummy & the skin burns & i want to be mad like, you distracted me, but i know i knew the water was hot, i was holding the water, i know where my tummy is…. the boy says, that’s not how my mother does it… the boy says, why don’t you be the Assistant in the kitchen ?. the boy is late. the other boy, it’s all my job for the kitchen. the man is watching me hold the knife & yelling at me. it’s all wrong & i’m a danger to everyone even though i’m alone in the kitchen. i cry cutting onions & it’s my fault. i’m tired of feeling so Wrong in the kitchen. i don’t even want to be there anymore. sweating making cookies with the other boy, saying, i don’t even know why i’m cracking the eggs like this… i never do it this way… i don’t know. i know how to crack eggs. but i’m doing it a “wrong” way on purpose, like afraid to show my Real Way of doing things…. the boy’s Mama telling everyone i “don’t eat” of course i eat. the Man telling his mama i don’t cook. the mama telling the Man i don’t cook & i better learn to cook. them laughing. i feel like crying. i feel demeaned, i feel devalued. this is why i return to the Entitled Alienated Dependent Hypochondriac. it feels easier. i don’t do that. i don’t know how to do that. i need help doing that. i’m not able to do that.” wayyyy better than Believing, “i feel very challenged when i do that”

  416.  #416Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 1:03 pm


    May I ask what you think about my situation?

    Currently my intention is if I hear from him again not to be in a rush to respond.

  417.  #417lk on February 24, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    in the house, i used to think, it’s just the 3 of us. if i mess up so badly that someone has to take sides, it will ruin the whole family. aww i’m crying (((((lk)))))

  418.  #418lk on February 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    1. Is it possible that your partner didn’t understand exactly what you wanted?

    2. Could your partner be stressed about other things, or have a lot on his mind?

    3. Is this issue more important to your partner than you realize?

    4. Is it possible that your partner doesn’t have all the facts that you have?

    5. Are you reading between the lines things that your partner doesn’t intend to be saying?

    6. Are your partner’s actions driven by a deeper need that’s legitimate and important to him?

    7. Is your partner afraid he’s going to lose something crucial if he does things the way you want?

    8. Would your partner be as angry as you are if the roles were reversed?

    9. Is it possible that this situation is about legitimately different needs or expectations?

    10. Keeping in mind that 96 percent of the time the likelihood that your partner will respond in a positive or negative way depends on the attitude that you have in the beginning moments of a conversation, how would you like to open this discussion with your partner?

    Brent Atkinson, PhD

  419.  #419lk on February 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    i feel de-sexualized when i make a “Mistake” in the Kitchen o_0

  420.  #420Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Hmmm… So so new today…

    E has a girlfriend. They’ve been together for 1 or 2 weeks… He was extremely flirting with me last Saturday in front of all his frienda and cuddeling me and even kissed me. Helloooo?

    I’m not really jealous, just feeling shake…

    We’ve been seeing each other off and on for 5 yeara. It’s just weird to hear such a thing today…

  421.  #421lk on February 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    i consider kitchen/home duties to be one of the prime Gifts that i will bring to a Partnership

    i feel de-sexualized & unattractive when i feel Criticized in these areas

    & i feel unsafe & devalued being asked to share these gifts in an uninhibited way outside of a Forever Commitment

  422.  #422lk on February 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    i feel wonderfully happy & empowered doing home/kitchen things that make the house feel warm, clean, healthy, nurturing.

    i feel trusted & valued when my gifts are requested or appreciated.

    it would feel much easier & i would have less internal resistance to sharing these things in a Committed relationship.

  423.  #423Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Lizka he might have “friend zoned” you. Flirting is just a fun activity that makes men feel masculine and sexual. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they want a relationship with you. Just that in that moment they wanted to have fun.

  424.  #424Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Gfriend after 1 or 2 weeks? lol

  425.  #425Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    RE 418 thanks lk for sharing that. Some really good questions to consider.

  426.  #426Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    So, after MILW left yesterday afternoon… to go to his real estate meet n greet- which hmm I never asked how it went.. and he never mentioned it…
    he went to a female friend of ours’ birthday party.. a group I’m backing away from… because I don’t feel they are very strong friends at all.

    anyway, I was up really late. at 4:30 he texted “be there after I drop ____ couple of people off” and a while later I texted “side door is open”

    .. I think he came here because we had a friend coming by at 11am to photograph the house and discuss rental information. And since he was up late, it would be easier for him to stay here and wake up later..

    even though the “apartment” is only 7-10 mins away.

    but that’s me analyzing again.
    of course he also had beautiful, incredible, magical me, to cuddle up with. and our little one.

    and guess what?! even though he went out, he seemed pretty sober when he came in. he didn’t look or act like he’d been drinking much – (and i can tell in his face and that he doesn’t remember things sometimes) – this is a great sign – because he really only drinks a lot when he is feeling unhappy. I am glad that he was so sober I couldn’t even tell if he’d had more than one drink!? AND he came in, got in bed, and cuddled me, wrapped his arm around me, me laying on my back, and HIM turned towards ME, caressing my skin, even after I thought he was asleep, moving his fingers gently against my skin. ….ohhhh yes..and cuddling with me FACING me in the mornings lately. He only does this when he feels good!!!

    I experienced slight irritation this morning when discussing rental terms – he said I wouldn’t be staying here, he wants me to go stay with his mom or something (…… outside the city- good 30-hour away depending on traffic). I don’t WANT this, I want to feel familiar and comfortable (if sleeping on an air mattress in my studio/laundry is comfortable :D) and feel good about having so many people in my house – and be here to give them rides to/from airport (we had discussed that!), and maybe even have appointments with them or other clients. Which MILW offered up adding in my services to the rental info – perhaps thinking of me and the additional value, however, I shared right then I do not want to have to drive all the way from his mom’s for an appointment..

    yeah I don’t know – but ..do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?!

    He has been so good – even feeling resentment, he has STILL PAID the rent, he has taken on my car insurance, and my phone. He has wanted to rent the kids room since January and we have gotten no one. And we’re about to have another renter leave this week. SO, …he wants to make as much money as possible.

    I would rather be happy. not right. And I will be happy to spend a “vacationy” week or two with his mom if need be, … helping her set her house back up after moving back from out of state. And she can get to see baby!

    I can drive for an appointment if MILW will watch baby.. (but where will HE be? could I not stay with him? but he didn’t offer! and that’s okay! I am happy anyway!)

    We may stand to make more money than I thought, also. So, maybe he will even give me TWO car payments from this money. I see him growing… I like that. I feel good noticing the things he does for me.

    ___BF on the other hand, still no word on that email. I commented on a couple of his fb links since he has contacted me shortly a couple of times plus a phone call and liked/shared some of my fb links. …. i get the feeling he wants me to stay happy with him even though he hasn’t said anything about the email. How should I react/respond to that?…. I am not sure how I feel.

    I feel scared to know what he thinks. I feel scared to be rejected, I feel scared to be wanted. Maybe I am actually ok with him not writing, but no it feels bad that he wouldn’t WANT me. I want him to WANT me. is that okay? that’s how I feel.

    If he really wanted me, then maybe he wouldn’t care what I’m doing over here, he would just say YES, and get me over there with him.

    he is now (due to overbearing landlord) moving into a tiny apartment instead of the 2br house/yard he had gotten. He had told me he intended to get a roommate but I think he really wanted us to move there with him and have a nice space. … but I didn’t because of no commitment for starters.

    lalalala gotta go get the bookkeeping DONNNE baby! Then I hope tomorrow will be sunny and I will begin to work on painting the house!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 so happy!

    ps I have been so happy I posted a VERY happy post on FB, seriously worried it was overwhelming people with happiness, and I got GOOD responses to it. people feeling inspired, feeling love! That felt wonderful!

  427.  #427Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Has anyone ever tried to follow The Rules book?

  428.  #428Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    oh yes. when we woke up this morning I initiated sex.. good and he went a long time wanting to please me (where when he is unhappy he will just do what he does..and be done).. but I couldn’t finish..three times now and couldn’t..but felt more connection again. …. working my way up there… just feeling happy and good with him…. just let him go, and he will be mine – he has said this so many times. he has things inside himself he needs to heal and face..

    not sure what I’m doing here exactly, I mean it seems maybe not the right thing but it feels right/feels good?…

    just relaxing. and I feel really happy overall, regardless of him.

    I think MIRRORING is working VERY well.
    in combination with other things.

    When he left this morning he gave me a kiss and said he was out of here but he didn’t say where to. He has work appts today and I think I asked if he had other work this morning before that- and I think I would’ve felt better had I not asked about his plans at ALL. 😀 sometimes I do better than others.

    anyway, he’s off and I’m gettin things DONE!


  429.  #429Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    FW i hear you but it was not just flirtig. There was touchin and kissin involved.

    I didn’t say I thought he wanted to have a relationship. I just think he’s an idiot to kiss me when he just got in a new relationship. Poor girl.

  430.  #430Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Memulo 424 –

    Was that post related to my post about E? I so, here is the answer:

    No they’ve been dating since at least November because in November when him and I were dating he invited me to bowling and invited her too. This is the night i escaped and he got really angry at me… He said she was just a friend but as I see now she wasen’t…

    I believe they are officially together for a few weeks since they made it official on Facebook today…

    Oh well, I don’t really care, he already cheated on her. Looser 🙂

  431.  #431Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    I don’t care about E an he’s girlfriend but I’m feeling a little low…


    I’m in a “I think no one likes me and no one will ever loves me” phase…

    E now has a girlfriend super official on Facebook.

    His best friend who had a crush on me didn’t care about me like he use to do when he saw me at the club on Saturday.

    None of the 3 hot guys from the club Saturday has contacted me yet… Been a week, I think I can forget it.

    The sexy old CD who I thought was now single didn’t answered to my message…

    DjCD has poofed.

    ATW is still around but not very active and doesn’t seem super interested…

    Wow. CDing doesn’t really rock for me lately…

  432.  #432Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Oh and ATW haven’t call me for a date for the weekend yet… So I guess another weekend without him…

  433.  #433Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm


    Time to find others.. still after years of grey area with these guys, maybe it’s the best solution?

    Sorry I am feeling shaky myself and didn’t find the ground to stay strong and confident yet with my situation. Wish I could help more

  434.  #434lk on February 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    we can all find peace & i believe we all will

  435.  #435Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Memulo –

    It seems that even the new guys doesn’t stick.

    I met THREE guys on Saturday, the 3 of them were all into me. None of them has call…

  436.  #436Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm


    There will be more-) You are beautiful, get out, go to parties, practice.. have fun!

  437.  #437Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    And I don’t find others. I just DON’T!

    Lately, I never get invited to parties and my friends are
    All into their own relationships… My only social life is work…

    I feel like crying 🙁

  438.  #438femmystique on February 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Memulo @427

    I have both the Rules books (1 & 2) and I do read them over again from time to time;
    and think their advice is similar to Rori’s in that you don’t initiate, you take care of your self and keep your self out there; you remain open to men who come to you, you don’t get hung up on one man until he shows up with a ring and a proposal

    If you are involved and he is not stepping up, its’ ….NEXT!
    (I think that is where that saying originated from)

    Rori wants us to go for what our Happily Ever After is, not necessarily a ring and marriage if that is not what you want.
    (Mel and Her Mr A come to mind)

  439.  #439Sun Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Wow, dating sites scare me and make me feel even more insecure. I feel like crying right now. I hate my stomach and that’s all I can think of when I see a guys picture with a nice body. I feel not good enough.

  440.  #440Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    ((((((SUn Goddess))))))

  441.  #441Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    I think I’m going to lean forward on ATW because my weekend is almost already all booled and Ireally want to see him since I have see him only 3 times in the last month and that is really not enough for me… That is NOT what I want.

  442.  #442Sun Goddess on February 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    This is going tone a long, lonely weekend!

  443.  #443Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 2:49 pm


    Thank you-) I looked briefly at the book and it feels like playing a game, especially with returning of phone calls the next day or never returning them.

  444.  #444Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 2:54 pm


    I don’t know if you are asking for our opinion on leaning fwd with ATW, but mine is negative-)

  445.  #445Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Im stuck in the bus for 58 minutes now in traffic and in the snowstorm. I’m also stuck with my thoughts in this bus. (the ride is usually 15 minutes!!!)

    If only the d*mm bus would arrive, I could focus on something else and forget to lean forward!!!

  446.  #446lk on February 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Among the top regrets of the dying patients Ware cared for were these five:

    1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

    2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

    3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

    4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

    5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

  447.  #447lk on February 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    i feel a little weird… i said to cd that “it would feel good to talk on the phone about dinner” …. & he never called….. i assume that means that he bought groceries & is planning on cooking, yes ? still a little “off” feeling about feeling like i’m Waiting for a call… as i don’t like to Wait By The Phone – feels demeaning. Old scripts : )

  448.  #448Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Haha LK I just realized after your comment that I feel kind of ‘off’ also because I am essentially ‘waiting for a phone call’. Though I was specifically asked when I am available and told that he was going to call.

  449.  #449Emerson on February 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    my new potential CD I met online (who I have not named yet) was coming on strong…we had a great convo on the phone and I was using all kinds of feeling messages! Then cooled off.
    I was really liking him and then he made a comment that turned me off…he asked for more pics. I felt annoyed…I still like him tho.
    Well I guess they are guys and he has not met me soo…maybe he gets a pass.
    He is a few years younger, about six years younger. what do you sirens think about that?

  450.  #450Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Emerson I used to feel put off too when they asked for more pictures. I was in a place where I was not feeling confident about my looks. Plus I also believed that they only wanted women who were pretty. I have now come to accept that men are visual creatures. None have come back to say I was not gorgeous or that they did not want to date after I sent the additional picture.

    The last one who asked I told him that pictures can lie. Plus some people use younger pics on the site and I feel open to meeting so the picture will be real and first hand. He still wanted to meet even though I did not send the pic.

  451.  #451Sassy on February 24, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Where is everybody tonite? Everyone “off island” having a good time in their “real lives “? Lol
    I feel soooo much love just being emitted out of my heart and soul lately. Wow, it feels fabulous and warm and mushy. I believe JT feels it even though it’s not only directed to him. I want to always feel this. No looking at the past, no beating myself up, no searching my soul endlessly trying to figure out what made or makes me say or do or think the way I did or do. Just move forward, just pour out love from my heart and send it to everyone.
    Can you feel it? Are you open to receiving it?
    Let’s just go with that goodness and lightness and beauty of our souls.

    Much love

  452.  #452lk on February 24, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    i called him leaving & he said what do you want to do about dinner…. & i said oh actually i thought you would call to discuss dinner & he said ok i’ll do something & i said ok & went to run an errand at the grocery for myself & i felt so unjustifiably sad & made myself walk around the grocery until i felt happy & then i got in the car & i felt so good & i got mad a little again driving but then happy & then i got home & again a little mad & then i opened the door & a little mad & then he helped me carry things & was sweet & gave me kisses & love & he had started preparing my favorite food !!

  453.  #453Ella on February 24, 2012 at 5:37 pm


    Feeling a little annoyed, frustrated, grumpy and pouty right now.

    Feel like sulky child and hitting at things and moaning about things.

    Feel antsy.

    How am I not taking care of myself?

    Well I am not going to bed.

    And I am letting my fear and NVs get the better of me knowing that MWC is/was still at the pub and it is late and so NVs saying ‘he must be an alcoholic and he is going to get worse and die’ even though I know he is wiating to give our boss (whose son recently passed on) a lift.


    Feeling very selfish and needy.

    Think I am going to go and snuggle in my soft bed.

    Have been in masc energy all day and feeling tired and frustrated with my business atm and overwhelmed.

    And being signed on to FB feels like waiting to see if MWC IMs me, which also feels bad.

    But still I am sitting here.

    Right Lil Ella.

    Come on, off up to bed.

    Love you MILLIONS and I will snuggle you down and read to you.


  454.  #454Ella on February 24, 2012 at 5:39 pm


    I like that my ‘Grrrr’ exactly fitted across the page above… didn’t know that was going to happen.

    I feel weirdly satisfied about that.

    Night Sirens.

  455.  #455Ella on February 24, 2012 at 5:42 pm


    Don’t lean forward Siren.

    And remember moods/emotions/urges shift and change quickly.

    A few days ago you were feeling really happy and good.

    And you will again.

    Don’t lean forward though cus that will just prolong the ickiness imo.


  456.  #456Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Yay, Dicaprio CD asked for my phone number 🙂

    Feeling excited, breathing breathing breathing!!!

  457.  #457Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Thank you Ella.

    I finaly got out of that bus and went dinner with my father than to the funerals. It was very sad and I completely forgo about ATW. I had another 5 minutes of wanting to lean forward an dtelling him that I was feeling sad at the funerals but I caught myself and stopped. The urge haven’t come back and than new super sexy potential CD chatted with me on Facebool and asked for my number. No more urgency feeling about ATW now! Hehe!

  458.  #458Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    So quiet tonight! Hello?

  459.  #459Femininewoman on February 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    From Carol Allen

    Marriage studies also show that the happiest couples ARE NOT the most compatible – they’re the couples who have the BEST COMMUNICATION and RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.

    And THOSE are the relationships where you’ll SWEAR you’re with your “soulmate.”

  460.  #460Starla on February 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    The Divine Masculine is visiting me tonight to heal me and love me.

    He is coming to bring me more love. To lead the way to it and show me I am safe to follow and to love myself.

  461.  #461Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    HE CALLED!! And left a VM that he is coming back tomorrow night and he is free Sunday, Monday, tue and Wed and he is hoping to see me soon and that I am doing well.

    Of course I couldn’t pick up the phone because at that moment I was at a party at a beautiful cool restaurant and two guys were fighting for my attention.

    Then half an hour later he texted with the same message.

  462.  #462turquoise on February 24, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Hi sirens. my power in my plan has been out since 6. i had to cancel the party. hopefully we’ll have it tomorrow. we have 50 mph winds. cant believe our luck. internet on my phone sucks… but wanted to check in quick. hope everyone is having a good night. we have the fireplace going and took hot baths, so kinda sireny. my sis and bff came to help with the party before i cancelled and we had wine and snacks by candlelight :)Ex called… I did good mirrored and answered. it came real easily too, i didnt have to think about it. my mom is going to the hospital sunday. hoping they figure some things out for her. they say shes a medical mystery. i feel scared for her.

  463.  #463Butterfly Wings on February 24, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Oh Turquoise, shame about the party and I hope your mother is ok.


  464.  #464Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Turquoise you know if they do some tests at the hospital you can always use them to get a second opinion, etc.

  465.  #465Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    I think I am going to use a Rule and not answer today;) Perhaps tomorrow. I miss him so much!!

  466.  #466Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    I saw comments about extra pictures on the blog earlier – I normally feel annoyed and turned off with guys who say something like – I can’t see your face clearly on the photo. I just say ok and move on. But with SmartCD we were chatting on a dating site and he said – you’re saying you look such and such in your profile (referring to my hair/eye color) but I can’t see that in your pictures – and I said: ok, perhaps I’ll send you another picture to prove-)

    Much much later, 3 weeks maybe, when we were talking on the phone for the first time, he said – with your voice and your laugh I don’t care if you look such and such, there was no need to send a picture, though I appreciate it 😉

  467.  #467Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Sirens, whoever is online today – do you think it would be better if I see him on Monday as opposed to Sunday. I am invited to a party to watch Oscars on Sunday.. of course I’d rather watch it with him, but after all he did make me wait forever for his call..

  468.  #468Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Turquoise I hope your mom is ok…


  469.  #469Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 7:26 pm



  470.  #470Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    Memulo…yay!!! perhaps wait until tomorrow and see how you feel…you get to choose now 🙂 enjoy these good feelings 🙂

  471.  #471Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    Memulo don’t cancel your plan!!!!!

    he told you he is available all these days so if he asks to see you on Sunday, you could just say it would feel so good to see him and that you missed him all these days, but you made plans with your friends and they are counting on you. You can then say you are free Monday, etc…

    This would be soooo sireny I think! 🙂

  472.  #472Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    FW @359…I love that!!! putting yourself as your wallpaper…feels so loving 🙂

  473.  #473Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Re 426 –
    I experienced slight irritation this morning when discussing rental terms –>>

    I just re read this and realized it might not be clear- we are renting our house out to a group of people for a couple of weeks, hopefully. And I wanted to stay here, sleep in my studio, but now he thinks it would be better if the house was completely empty. We’ll see.

    Memulo 427 – rules book – yes – before I found rori. I started with a combination of the two but now don’t even really remember the rules. I think I’ve found better tools here. The rules felt so cold and rigid. … I mean, by the rules, neither MILW or BF gave me a romantic Valentine’s day present this year, and that would mean “nexxxt” but.. I believe this can all be turned right around. 😀

    Sassy 451 – I’m here!! And yes I feel the love flowing too, .. sooo happy yesterday. I could be right now too but I’m so sleepy after being up all night last night, and a little disappointed that MILW isn’t here.. need to find the energy to refocus!

    452- lk – YAY!!

  474.  #474Starla on February 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    DO return man’s call if you have the time and aren’t too busy for a chat. Don’t make him wait just cuz he “made” you wait. Games are desperate and men can sense it, at least in the back of their minds

    DON’T change your plans or your life to see him sooner. When you *respectfully call him back in a timely fashion*, you can let him know it would feel great to see him and the soonest you’re free is ________, even if it is days away. Not having the confidence to keep to your own fabulous plan to live life to the fullest because you feel fear about not seeing him the soonest possible is desperate and men can sense it.

    **Organically** let men know you have a full life and won’t be waiting around for them. Not calling them back is faking it. Calling them back because you’re free to chat on the phone for a minute but scheduling further out in advance because you’re legitimately busy for the next few days, is not faking it.

  475.  #475Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    So I went to the funerals tonight with my father. I saw all these people I went to elementary school with but no one seems to have recognize me. Or they were in their own thoughts because their friend died. It’s ok. I totally understand.

    The funerals felt very sad of course and very emotional. This 26 years old guy had a lot of friends…

    I saw the school bus guy, the one I sent the nice message on Facebook saying I was thinking of him in these sad days and who seems really touched. I went to talk to him and talked to him. Introduced him to my father and the first thing he said to him is “A was my best friend”. Oh my god this is the saddest thing I ever heard. I wanted to hug him and hold him so tight. I saw the soul of this guy when he said that. I don’t know, at this moment, I felt attracted by him (even though he’s sooo not my kind of man) and I just wanted to stay and talked to him but I felt awkward and I left.

    I mean, I’m not interested in dating him at all, but at this specific moment, when I saw this shy kind of geek guy with his glasses, I really felt a connexion. I can’t get this image out of my mind now. Maybe we can be friends. 🙂

    When in the car with my father, I remembered that the school bus guy was my kindergarden boyfriend. Hehe. Cute. Maybe we do have a life long connexion. 🙂

  476.  #476Senior Lady Vibe on February 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    @446: lk

    That’s me… 😀

  477.  #477Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    ((((((Tenny))))) what is going on with you? why do you feel so bad?

    I had a friend named Tenny and she was so cute so I think of you that way too…funny how that is…

  478.  #478Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Ohhhhhhh!!! Dicaprio sent me a message!!!

    My god!! I feel so so so excited 🙂

    He wrote “Lizka hi [he wrote these in russian, cute!)! Meeting with my friends tonight. Let’s go somewhere tom two of us. V.”

    1st: is “tom two of us a typo or it means something in particular that I don’t know about?

    2nd: I don’t get the I’m with my friends but let’s go somewhere?

    3rd: I sooo want to go somewhere with him!! But it’s really last minute, it’s 11 pm here, I’m super tired and already in my pyjama… Should I do an effort and dressed up and go downtown to meet him? It doesn’t sound like a really romantic date though…

    Any thoughts on this?

  479.  #479Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Lol, now that I think of it, “tom two of us probably just means “THE two of us”, lol silly me.

  480.  #480Senior Lady Vibe on February 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm


  481.  #481Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Thank you girls 🙂

    I don’t feel like calling him tonight, there is no rush. Plus he is still on the Caribbean. Perhaps I can invite him to my party on Sunday? Or is it being too easy

  482.  #482Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    tom = tomorrow Lizka, no?

  483.  #483Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Ok what do I do?!

    Do I do something crazy, get dress pretty and go downtown to meet this my god too sexy guy or I stay sireny and say I am feeling disappointed but I am feeling tired and already cozy at home but it would feel good to see him another night, perhaps tomorrow or Sunday?

    Any ideas on feeling messages??

  484.  #484Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Ohhh Memulo that would make sense and this plans feels even better…

    How do I figure out? I ask “I feel confuse… Tom = tomorrow?”

  485.  #485Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 8:05 pm


    it seems like it could only mean “the two of us” OR, “tomorrow two of us” …but.. in the context it does kinda sound like he’s asking you for now.

    I often accept last minute plans with MILW, but we didn’t just meet, either. I feel like he should have to make more effort to come get you, like he should invest more in you.

    it’s sort of like this:

    for example when finding renters for the house – I don’t always give all information up front- I hook them in with a little ad, to which they respond and want to come see the house. If I can get them here to look at it, they have invested their time and energy in getting all the way here, meeting me, looking at the place, finding out the details. This makes it more likely that they will go ahead and rent with me, since they’ve already put all this work into it..

    I just don’t think you should make it too easy for him. If you go out and meet him now, next time he will expect it to work the same way. unless you want to always be going out to meet him.

    … but what is it like where you are, is it common for men to pick women up for dates? I notice you say you took the train and I don’t live where a train is, so I don’t know if a man would then get on the train to come get me or not.

  486.  #486Starla on February 24, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    tom =tomorrow

  487.  #487Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Lizka…do what feels best to you…if you feel tired and sleepy then say that…if you feel like going out then do that..what do you think?

    If it seems too last minute then I believe you will feel so many beautiful feelings about yourself in the morning knowing that you are putting you first…just my thoughts…

  488.  #488Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Lizka, I am pretty sure it is tomorrow. You can perhaps answer as if this is how you understood it. No questions

  489.  #489Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    Yeah I think definitely tom = tomorrow… Since he said “I’m with friends tonight” so tomorrow together… It makes more sense… do I assume it’s for tomorrow and say tomorrow would feel good?

  490.  #490Silver-Tongued Siren on February 24, 2012 at 8:08 pm


    Yes I would say something like this for sure, and ask him “what do you think”. if he says “that sounds good” ask him “when?” so you get a solid date/time.

  491.  #491Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Memulo…I believe that as long as you stay open and warm (no faking or planning how to be like Starla mentioned) then whatever decision you make about when to see him will be the best one 🙂

  492.  #492Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    ya lizka!! that’s perfect…”tomorrow would feel good” lol

  493.  #493Lizka on February 24, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    STS you are right. Going now would feel weird. It’s pretty late and I don’t want to just go out and drink at 2 am. Doesn’t feel romantic for a 1st date…

    I think anyway it makes more sense that it’s tomorrow. And it feels better to think that it is for tomorrow so I will act like if it’s for tomorrow. Good plan?

  494.  #494lk on February 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    hi, starla : )

    i’m making cookies : )

    i feel so sore & hopeful & sleepy & guilty & happy

  495.  #495Memulo on February 24, 2012 at 8:22 pm


    Thank you:)

    frankly I don’t feel like answering tonight for sure and even tomorrow – he will be busy traveling.. plus he is back tomorrow night.. maybe Sunday morning I can get back to him?

  496.  #496Jilly on February 24, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    So these past few days I’ve actually really been CDing every where I go..

    yesterday at the grocery store the man behind the food counter was gorgeous and he started flirting and I practiced keeping eye contact and I felt the connection 🙂

    then today at the mac store the guy helping me…it felt like we were on a date and he offered to teach me some classes….aww…sweet boy…except I got his name wrong 🙁 but I will be going back for classes 🙂