If You’re Missing The Red Flags, It’s On Purpose, And You May Need To Go Slow

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The Question:

I got this letter from Emily:
“Hi Rori, How are you!?
Love your advice about how to not walk on eggshells….and I’m surprised you didn’t mention anything about that they’ve been engaged for 10 years and he “can’t afford a ring.”
That seems like big red flag and a huge cop out to me.  Don’t you always say ‘don’t be someone’s girlfriend, they’re getting a free wife?’
just curious. Emily”

My Answer:

Emily, to answer your question – I don’t go in much for blanket statements when working with individuals, no matter what my general philosophy is.

In my experience, it doesn’t work, and creates in instantly icky relationship between me and a client or student.
The Rori Raye Method is known for this kind of custom work – and complete “non-judgement” – with every client.
I teach all my RRRCT coaching students this: Baby Steps.
1. If a woman loves someone, bringing in opinions about his flaws is only going to make her dig in deeper.
2. If she walks away from a man – without learning how to talk to ANY man, how to find her own self, without practicing with the man who is currently present to assist her in developing skills and awareness just by his presence and constant triggering of her – it’ll all just repeat itself with a new man, or loneliness will make her shut down even more, and increase her anxiety.
Attraction is a big deal in our inner worlds.
Learning about that, and Baby-Step changing that, is, for me, what great coaching is all about.
Love, Rori


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  1.  #1Alicia on September 24, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    So the guy I’m seeing is a little shy, computer programmer type. I’ve been really starting to feel comfortable using feelings statements! Which has been awesome especially, in a miscommunication. Noticing a much different response then my former ways.

    However, I’m starting to notice the guy is ALSO texting or communicating back ALOT of feeling statements. Example.. “this apt feels good to me.” Oh my car repair Feels so nice.. Is this normal? Is he just reflecting me? I’m not sure I love it. Or is it helpful to him?

  2.  #2Alicia on September 24, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    Want to see notifications

  3.  #3Mariah Grey on November 8, 2019 at 10:06 am

    Hi Alicia, this is totally normal, and actually a good thing!
    It’s kind of like when we pick up each other’s slang or sayings.
    It means they are listening when you talk – and like you so much they subconsciously mirror your speech patterns.
    This is a throw back to our need to be accepted and the fear of rejection.
    Taking on attributes of the people you care for is a subconscious way of being “like them” and therefore “acceptable.”

    Keep it up!!