Imagine HAVING What You Want

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Okay – I want a NEW list, now – (This is getting more and more fun…)

Now that you have your list of “problems” and you’ve Flipped them to WANTS, and you’ve loved and adored and accepted those wants and worries and fears – I want you to –

Imagine what it would FEEL like to HAVE those Wants.

So it looks like this:

I’m afraid I’ll never have what I want… (a specific line on your list…) – to:

I really WANT to have… – to:

I love my fear, because it wants to protect me, because that’s how I was raised, and I love my self as a child, even though things were crummy, I got so strong from going through those things, and I love myself so much because I’m so brave to have got this far, and I’m so smart for understanding what’s going on with me, and I’m so incredible for WANTING anything, and…(and on and on, just the way you’re doing it, accepting, loving, embracing, jumping to the next loving thought and feeling…) NOW:

I want you to write:

What would it FEEL like if I HAD what I want? Every single Want on my list?

Take each WANT and write a flowing stream of consciousness about what it would feel like.

I want how your toes feel like, how your shoulders feel, how your heart feels, how your head feels.

When you label it with an “emotion” like fear or worry or anxiety – accept that label, but I really want you to focus on SENSATION.

That could be “tense,” “prickly,” “soft,” – any number of ways you can express what it feels like.

When you turn up with a sensation that instantly throws you into fear and negativity and problem solving, just go back through the steps – Flip it into a Want, accept and love it all, focus on the good feeling, positive thoughts and feelings.

Let’s see how this works.

What we’re doing here is basically retraining your body.  You’ll be releasing stuff, and then finding your STRENGTH in all this.  The idea is for it to be FUN, free-form, and for you to be as AWARE as possible at how you work -How certain thoughts pop up first, how they lead your thought process, then others follow, how a pattern emerges…

As you become aware of yourself, and keep focusing on the PRESENT with the noticing and writing of Sensations instead of Thoughts – you’ll see – you’ll start to feel more powerful.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1alias girl on October 7, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    well i have made a list of about sixteen things i really really want (boyfriend, sex life, a home, money, pets, my creative projects to be nurtured to success and acclaim, long beautiful hair, friends, computer, a fancy car,colthes etc) and i started riffing on what it would FEEL like to have these things in my life. it feels good. i only really riffed on the first two on my list bc it took so long and i don’t want it to be a chore so i figure i can do two a day. i am starting to understand the power of feelings. i feel like i am in kindergarten with this whole thing. and once i get beyond a certain stage it seems obvious and simple in retrospect. but while i am in the moment i am in i feel like a kindergardener. but also i feel soft and innocent yet powerful and clear. i feel less scared. less stuck. and oh so grateful to the powerful beautiful woman that is rori raye. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2.  #2Reshi on October 7, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    Here’s part of my list. It’s amazing how much fear I worked through just from doing it:

    I want to be happily married. That would feel like: love and joy overflowing from my heart, a body full of vibrant energy, a natural, expansive, radiant smile on my face when I see him or think of him, my whole body feeling light and free, my head feeling relaxed and free from tension, everything all expanded and light and beautiful
    I want to know that my husband sleeps in my bed because he WANTS to. I would feel safe and protected and warm throughout my body, happy and calm and free from tension, I would not have to carefully scrunch my body up to keep from touching him, but would feel free to be comfortable with him
    I want to feel confident that I can support myself. That would feel like ENERGY throughout my entire body. I would walk briskly with my head held high. My posture would be upright, my head would feel clear, bright, and active, my hands would feel strong and dextrous, my arms and back and legs would feel strong and capable.
    I want to know that my husband desires me and loves having sex with me. That would feel radiant and energetic and joyful and vibrant throughout my entire body. I would feel turned on and juicy throughout my feminine parts. My arms and legs would feel light and free and strong. I would be shining as bright as the sun. My head would feel perfectly calm and happy. My heart would feel open and unzippered and warm and soft. I would feel altogether, thoroughly ALIVE.
    I want to be with a man who only has eyes for me. I would feel special—what would that be like in my body and mind? I would feel a sense of safety and warmth. I would feel like a flower blooming under that loving gaze. Actually, I might feel kind of small under that gaze. I would feel like I’m the center of someone’s universe—and that would feel like responsibility to me in a way, I would feel like I am responsible to make him happy, and that I have to DO something to make him happy, and that would feel like some fear and tension and uncertainty swimming around in my head. I want to feel like I make him happy just by BEING ME. And that would feel like confidence, radiance, and being absolutely centered in myself. My body would feel strong and soft and free from tension.
    I want to feel like expressing myself will get me MORE love–even if he does respond with anger. I would feel free and brave and courageous. I would have calm and patience in my mind, relaxation in my body, also a pleasant feeling of anticipation in my pelvis and legs—oh damn, that might make me want to lean forward a little bit—I would feel a slight, pleasant sexual tension, and I would feel in control of my response to that. I want to be able to lean back while expressing myself. That would feel like calm and confidence—real confidence! It feels impossible. I want real confidence in expressing myself to a man, and I want it to feel possible and EASY. That would feel like leaning back, and being strong on the inside. Like I have a steel core in my belly and it keeps me balanced.
    I want to be free to follow my heart where men are concerned–and in life. That would feel like breaking the shackles on my wrists and ankles. I would feel free—and I’m terrified to be free, it feels like I’d be hurting someone if I was truly free. And I’m terrified of hurting someone. And I’m already hurting someone. I want to feel like I am gentle and have the power to heal rather than hurt. I can’t imagine what that would feel like. It feels impossible. I want it to feel possible and easy. I want to feel like my natural being is one of health and healing and love. That would feel so calm and relaxed and green and healthy and beautiful, like I’m lying down and a rainforest is growing abundantly from my body.
    I want to feel like I can make it, no matter what happens with this particular man. That feels depressing and uncertain, like my life is on hold. I want to feel like I’m ALREADY making it. That would feel like confidence, rightness, my body in perfect alignment, my life force powerful and energetic and driving me onward towards my real, very legitimate goals.

  3.  #3Marplot on October 7, 2008 at 8:25 pm

    I have an imaginary relationship with a friend that has cuddling benefits (he claims to not be interest with making out or sex with anyone but that he loves cuddling). I did try circle dating but it made me realize how many scary guys there are out there- but I also learned that there are many guys out there who would treat me better but they didn’t work out because of distance or addiction problems. I also noticed that I am afraid of men who want sex- and I love men who don’t want it (I think because I’m scared of sex).

    Anyways back to my crush, he recently has been helping me with organic homework since he is a chemistry major. When I thanked him for helping me out- he said that he felt obligated and that it was his, the teacher and my job duty to make sure that I got good grades. He also said that he felt obligated to say hi to me if he met saw me at the cafeteria. In the past- I used to yell at him if he refused to help me out. I’ve stopped doing it for about a month now. Now, when ever he helps me out (even if I don’t ask for it) he always says that he did it because he felt obligated to.

    Right now I don’t really like how he feels obligated because it causes me to feel guilty. I usually tell him that he isn’t obligated to do anything that he doesn’t want to do.
    What do you think?

  4.  #4Bethany on October 7, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    Wow, I’m so inspired by Reshi’s list…

    I want to feel confident, rock solid, in his love and attraction for me. That would feel like a sense of smugness almost, a ball in my stomach that isn’t painful, just kind of like a solid anchor that I can count on to always be there. It would also feel a little scary to have a man that was always there because what if I woke up one morning and didn’t want HIM? That would put me in control and I don’t know if I’m comfortable being in control and feeling responsible for someone else’s feelings. That feels like a fluttery feeling in my stomach. But I want good love, and fun, and laughter and passion, and that feels like a surge of energy through me, no not really a surge, more like a small ripple because it also feels soooo hard to get…I want a family that is happy and supportive and functional, but that isn’t what I grew up with so I’m scared that it would feel boring. That feels like a sick feeling in my stomach, a churning in my guts. But I want it be good and secure and fun, and that also feels hopeful, and I feel my chest lifting just a little bit. I also want great sex with a man who wants only me, and that would feel sooooo powerful like I could totally let myself go and maybe have an orgasm, which I’ve never been able to have before in intercourse. I want to feel like the mistakes that I make, the tiny ones and the big ones, in life and with regard to love are just little bumps in the road and not the big huge deals I make them out to be, that would feel like faith in my ability to HAVE what I want so badly, that would feel like freedom, like it doesn’t matter if I say the “wrong” thing in a text message or in a conversation because in the big picture it doesn’t matter…that would free me up! I feel like crying right now because that would feel like such a relief, like letting go of all my harsh self-judgment, and it would feel light and the whole damn thing with men wouldn’t be so damn devastatingly important, and that would feel triumphant, and my heart is swelling right now it feels so good. If I could feel like my tiny mistakes were just NATURAL then I could be NATURAL and I could let go of control…

  5.  #5Reshi on October 7, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    You know, I’m starting to not feel so bad about all my problems, if so many women seem to be finding my process inspiring…thank you all 😉

  6.  #6Daria on October 7, 2008 at 10:54 pm

    I want to feel that I can have any man I want… and that would feel like smugness yes like Bethany said I feel so glad someone else has smugness and is accepting it I feel empowered to accept mine, It would feel like my face twisting up with a side smile like it feels right now and my eyes twinkling with mischief it would feel like joy in my tummy and laughter coming out of my mouth it would feel soooo good to know that I can have any man it would feel like such a relief to know that having sex with them wouldn’t hurt my feelings and I would feel scared of being promiscous but I would feel good because a goddess would not be promiscous just loving and open and honestly I feel kind of blank and down right now because I have nothing to do and now I feel like crying not something I would do or felt like doing a second ago and I want to feel ok to feel my feelings that would feel so good llike someone loving me like my mom and I want my mom to be safe and happy that would make me feel so gooooood and happy and overjoyed and relieved of a huge burden and I feel so hopeless that it won’t happen just because I imagine it and that’s ok because maybe it will happen and I know I am just trying to protect myself from feeling dissappointed by life and I feel bad for all the people who suffer in life because life has suffering and i feel hopeless and silly trying to imagine it away because I know it can hit you really hard and its not a joke or something I can fix and I really want to fix it even though I am not God but maybe God will fix it or allow me to fix it and I feel tears rolling down my face and I feel angry at myself for holding these tears back before even though I was trying so hard to feel all my feelings I feel desperate and I feel frustrated that I must not have been feeling all my feelings and now I feel calm and it would feel so good to be able to feel all my feelings and feel confident that I can and that I don’t have to hold back or worry about ever being depressed because my mom was and because life has felt so lonely most of the time until now… and I feel SOOO SAD and I want to feel happy I want to feel happy like when I was a kid and my friends used to come call me outside to play from my window everyday and everyday I would have so much fun until the day ended and didn’t even want to go back inside then… and I felt life was all set out for me to be beautiful and happy and then it all changed and I went through so much and I want to feel that it was for a purpose and I thought I had a purpose and I set it up around loving a group of people but now I have to let them go and I don’t want to let them go I don’t want to let anyone go out of my life because I love them all and if you love someone you don’t let them go you would even give your own soul for them and I don’t want to be weak and let them go and I feel so confused now I want to feel strong and purposeful and loved I want to feel LOVED and accepted and part of something and I feel embarassed that my post is so long and all these people probably don’t want to read my long post because it’s all about me and people have their own problems and don’t want to hear about mine all the time and I already feel I’ve posted too often and it feels icky and embarassing adn I want to feel happy and free to share myself and my feelings and I want to feel that people would benefit and care but I don’t I am resisiting it although I know most likely they will say that it is ok that they are learning but I probably won’t believe that such a long post is really appreciated…. and I feel so sad and lonely right now I feel so confused how to deal with my sexual feelings because I so want to have sex with a man and I don’t want to be promiscous or desperate or hurt myself and I seem to lose the ones I’m attracted to or else I’m attracted to the ones I know I’m going to lose and I don’t want to lose anyone I want all men to want me and I feel like a weirdo saying that like the evil queen in a story or seomthing it sounds so egotistical and I don’t want to be egotistical I want to be generous and giving and loving and free and I want to feel free to tell J… how I feel about him and that I feel afreaid and I don’t feel I can forgive him for the past and I feel scared to tell him because I feel scared he is going to threaten me and I want to feel strong and not feel scared because even if I die I don’t want to be scared of death but I am afraid that if I am not scared I will really die and I don’t want to die I want to live and I want to be happy and I want to help other people live and be happy especially men I want to feel I benefit them so much and change their lives just by them knowing me I want to be able to change them into strong powerful people and I want them to give me credit and say yest this woman was a blessing in my life and beacuse of her I am the man I am today and I feel weird wanting this I feel worried that this is something I am not supposed to want because it is his business so I feel sad that I won’t get what I want but maybe I will get what I want because maybe Rori will find a way for even this to be ok even if it seems like it’s his business and maybe all my dreams will come true even the ones about the world turning to a super happy cooperative place and people finding a happy way to spend their competitive energy and even I who thought I was a warrior and super competitive won’t have to give up my warriror nature and I can use it for something that is truly great and won’t have to be weak and bland in order for the world to be peaceful… and really feel weird saying this but now I feel worried that maybe my dreams will come true for humans and we will get attacked by some aliens from outer space and will have to fight them in order for us to all be peaceful and still be powerful and warriorlike and I don’t want that too happen I REALLY don’t and now I feel amused and hahaha that is so funny and now I feel good and feel like smiling… and I kind of seem to have lost track but yes I want to not have to feel lonely, I want to have places to go out and friends who call me and want to hang out all the time, everywhere, I want to live where Im accessible yet not exposed to danger and that would feel so relaxing it would feel like sunshine on my tummy and I love the sun it feels so good and makes me bounce and smile and I forgot I’m supposed to describe sensations… well if I had a man who I found attractive and I did too and I felt safe to have sex with him that would feel so exciting and I want to have a relationship that feels exciting I feel so scared of it feeling boring and I feel really worried of hurting a boring guy’s feelings like I hurt my bf in highschool and never went near a guy who treated me good since then LOL but thats ok because now I know I deserve to be treated good and that would feel so cool I would feel so smily and connected to the trees and to the air around and I would feel free in my chest to breathe and my eyes would feel focused and my vision would feel clear and I would feel great standing up straight and I REALLY want to be able to look people in the eye everywhere that would feel so amazing like life was magical and I would feel so happy I would be able to connect with everyone all the time and I would’nt drop my chin or worry they think Im weird or reject me or put me down like people did in school and I feel reallly embarassed writing that knowing that people will read me and I feel worried about being judged asa aloser but thats ok because I know I am not loser and I want to feel happy to look people in the eyes and let them look at me in the eyes without feeling liek they think I’m promiscous or weird that would feel like being open like life was good again like being a kid but also being powerful… I feel tired of writing now because I feel like I am going in circles and I feel guilty that this is so long and I don’t want to end like that I want to feel happy and accepted! I want to feel that I am fighting or at least striving for the good of a group I belong to and that would feel heartwarming like my heart could burst if I could be surrounded by a group of people I belong to that I feel proud of it would feel like I can relax and fill with joy and sing and scream and laugh and it would feel like my body was buzzing with joy…

  7.  #7Rori Raye on October 8, 2008 at 9:33 am

    Oh my! This is incredible – Reshi, Daria, Alias Girl and Bethany – your work is just off-the-charts. Now – here’s a tweak…
    (I love the term RIFFING – thank you for that and I’m going to use it to jump off – a new Glossary Term for us!)

    Here’s the new post->

  8.  #8Rori Raye on October 8, 2008 at 9:48 am

    Marplot – I don’t know what’s going on with this guy – he may very well be gay. That would fit with your fear of men who want sex (that was my operational model in college as well – all the gay men in the Theater department were my crushes).

    He may not be gay – may just wish to be a friend – but not wanting to have sex with you, and feeling “obligated” is not only not a Real Relationship – it’s not much of an Imaginary Relationship either. In other words – it doesn’t feel good.

    What we have to deal with is your fear of intimacy with a good man, and we have to turn around your attraction to men who are unavailable – because they aren’t interested (that was my issue long ago), or because of geographical distance – and your attraction to men who are BAD for you – addiction issues, difficult and toxic men.

    If you can – get my Toxic Men program and work through that. It will give you new language to talk to a man who isn’t doing the job of relationship without yelling, attacking, or otherwise losing your Power.

    Remember – The POWER in a relationship is always YOURS. You don’t have to work to GET it. You just have to do the work to recognize it, acknowledge it, accept it in all its forms, love it, and use it correctly.

    For right now, please go through all the Tools in this Power & Self-Esteem section, and follow along with the fantastic women who’re doing the work and writing about it here – writing and “Riffing” and writing.

    Love, Rori

  9.  #9Daria on October 8, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Wow I see… this last post makes a lot of sense Rori… about working through the fear of intimacy with a good man… i get the grossed out feelings and goose bumps just thinking about this because it brings me images of letting a “puppydog man” I’m not attracted to close – and that is NOT what I want. I want a man that I feel attracted to… and that is Great. In fact maybe those “puppydog men” are not so “good” after all, because I wouldn’t feel so guilty and obligated around them if they were. Perhaps “wimpy” is really another way of being “toxic.” I feel smily now…

    As far a the guy I was “riffing” about earlier… he still hasn’t called… I still think about him and tonite I dreamed about him… I feel like calling him or texting him or e-mailing that I miss his voice. I won’t do this though. I feel all jittery and hung up and uninterested in the rest of my life… I feel so tense in my tummy and am supposing my hormones are coming on strong… this is the time when I start feeling desperate and lonely and “act out” by getting drunk and getting physical with a guy (then usually I feel furious or sad) or else just calling and initiating meetings and trying to get close…I don’t know how to deal with these feelings that tell me that I am young and that it is natural and needed for me to be having sex Right Now… I feel so frustrated and disappointed and am having a hard time not beating myself up… and maybe that’s ok because maybe the way to learning is through these feelings and maybe I can feel good about my hormones and that I feel turned on and I feel proud of it maybe I will learn to use this to make myself happy instead of desperate… I feel so worried that I won’t and feel mad that I feel like asking for help instead of solving my own problems and it feels like my shoulders curling over and my head feeling heavy and wanting to drop my chin down… and maybe its good I can embrace these feelings and oh I really feel so JITTERY I HATE IT and thats ok I FEEL ANGRY and thats ok too and now I feel scared… uff… maybe it’s ok for me to feel these feelings… because I am on the brink of a breakthrough where they are going to help me feel more positive and I feel hopeful and my head feels lifted and I feel a light smile and the tension is moved to my chest now where it doesn’t feel quite so jittery and sad and now the back of my neck is tensing and that’s ok I feel something like interested excitement in myself and the sensations I feel so I will go ahead and follow them around now…

  10.  #10Rori Raye on October 8, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Yes – Daria, yes – you are breaking through… What you want here is to FEEL the feelings you normally stuff down by drinking or having sex – and get through them to the other side. Once that happens, you won’t be so afraid of the feelings – and so you’ll be able to do something ELSE instead of the things you usually do when those feelings start to show up. Something that actually feels GOOD – and gets you a much better result.

    This is going very, very fast…totally amazing for all of you – so please be gentle with yourselves. Therapy is supposed to take years – we’re bypassing all of that and going lightening fast – so give yourself a bit of time to allow your body to reorganize around all this, and keep the accepting and loving going no matter what…okay? Love, Rori

  11.  #11alias girl on October 8, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    here’s my riff on having a home. i want a home. i want a four bedroom four bath plus an office space for me plus a fireplace. a den, two car garage, long driveway, pool, laundry room, decent amount of land. A solid, sturdy, earthquake proof, well made home with good plumbing and electrical and structure is solid. It is a beautiufl home on the exterior and the interior. maybe quaint and european on the outside and homey and spacious and comfy on the inside. With wood and marble and stone and granite. A gorgeous home decorated TOGETHER with my boyfriend/king/life partner. we chose the beautiful furniture and colors and decided where things will go. it is our castle and we love it. when people come over and we entertain guests and friends and family they always comment on how safe and at ease and welcome they feel inside. it is our sanctuary. and the landscaping is gorgeous also. the view is awe inspiring! we feel safe and grateful in our home. it is a place to relaxe and regenerate and make love and love and make plans and retreat and take care of ourselves and be inspired and be creative. i feel so grateful. that feels like easy breathing in my lungs. expansion in my soul. easiness in my tummy. my toes are relaxed. my feet are solid and connect me to groundedness. i feel grounded yet bouyant. myabe a little dance step or two as i walk from my fabulous kitchen to our spacious livingroom. it is so clean and organized and nice looking. i feel pride. that feels like a puffed up chest. like i can look people straight on for as long as i want and not need to tilt my head to the ground in uncomfortable shame. i feel safe. that feels like my arms open wide and a free flow of energy with other people and the air around me. my head feels clear and unburdened. my thoughts feel like they are floating by with good ideas to pluck if i choose. my body feels like awell oiled, top engine, powerful hot rod car. i feel like i am going to live forever in bliss and that feels like release. that feels like freedom. that feels likehome. that feels like my souls is basking in a tropical breeze, taking in the clear ocean air, lazing about on a hammock, holding hands with the one i love, kissing, making love and eating a good meal. it feels like tears of joy falling from my eyes. it feels like FINALLY. home. finally.

  12.  #12Marplot on October 11, 2008 at 9:51 am

    I would be relaxed and happy if I was confident of my intelligence, my looks, successful, and if my crush loved me. If I became a social butterfly I don’t think that I would be very happy. It would feel so nice to have a guy I could turn to that didn’t seem to disapprove of me.

  13.  #13ann on October 19, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    I want to feel more connected to others.
    I want to continue to grow & take care of me
    I want to be happy
    I want my self esteem & confidence up to a good level for me.

    I’ve wrote a few of my wants down. I can only do a little at a time. If I try to do too much for me I go into overload then I don’t even want to try. I look at my list and it’s all about me. With my upbringing that feels selfish. Then I feel anger, damnit it’s time to take care of me. I’ve took care of me before but only in stages. Do a little of my journey & healing but then someone else needs me to take care of them. That just happened as I’m writing this someone else needs my help. Of course, I stop to help but then I feel my body tensing all over with frustration. This is important to me, but there was noone else who could help them at the time. My vagina feels so tight with frustration, I’ve never notice that before. It’s not sexual frustration it’s anger huh? This feels weird to me. My brain is thinking are you doing this exercise right? But then I feel my whole body have a weird shaking in it and I’m think just write what you’re thinking and feeling. I can’t help but thinking everything I want centers around me and the more I learn to feel & communicate what I want the more likely I am to get it. I want to be a strong, confident, feminine woman who others are drawn to. I want to recognize when I could have handle a situation better & not beat myself up about it. I want to love & accept me. I want my man, family, friends to want to go through the journrey with me. All this would make me so happy, so carefree in my body. I want, I want, I want… and it’s all ok!

  14.  #14Cassandra on November 7, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    I want things to work out with Charles and for us to get married as originally planned and have a baby as we had planned. That would feel safe to me as though I had a safe place to go no matter what else was happening around me…it would feel warm and cozy like watching a fire in the fireplace…it would feel free like I am floating on a floatee in the pool not having to do anything but just float there and go where the water takes me knowing that I am part of something special…my mind would be able to stop thinking and just be totally calm…my body would be less tense all over and my shoulders could be where they are supposed to be instead of being up to my ears all the time… would feel like plopping into bed after having washed the sheets…all clean and fresh and safe….I would feel accepted and that I really belonged to something special…that I had a HOME……my face would be lit up with excitement each time I saw him and my heart would be beating just a little bit faster but not in a scary way…in a wonderful, happy exited way….I would fell giddy with joy knowing that afterall that has happened for the ‘bad’ that we came through it all together…that we made it and want to be together and grow old together…that feels comforting as though I can let go for a minute…that my mind can stop thinking and my body can relax knowing that I am home….I would feel unspeakable joy in my heart as though my heart itself is dancing inside my chest and smiling…it would feel like falling back into a fluffy bean bag chair..I would feel warm all over like I do when out in the sun….

  15.  #15Uschi on September 6, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    I want Dave
    I want him to love me like he used to do it would make me feel so appreciated like I mean something to him
    I want our relationship back on track, I want to be totally with him, I want to be married to him to belong to him yet be myself that would make me feel fulfilled.
    I want a home, I would feel secure with a home knowing this is my place in the world
    I want enough money to be comfortable
    I want to only work part time and want to take care of him and me and the home the rest of the time
    I want to do weddings (flowers) from my home