Inaugurate LOVE

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Today is a HUGE party – one of the hugest parties in our history – the Inauguration of a new president – and it’s all about us hoping that the way things are will soon change into the way we WANT things to be.

So – I want to make this YOUR party – too – about the same thing – changing the way things are right now for you in your love life into the way you WANT it to be.

So – let’s Inaugurate OURSELVES!

Let’s make this the beginning of something totally new for ourselves – all the love and romance andΒ  commitment we could possibly want!

Let’s do it this way, to start:

1. Tell me, right now – out loud, to your computer screen – that you…

Love YOURSELF.

Say “Rori, I love ME.Β  I love ______________ (put your name here)”

Say it like you mean it – I can hear you – I believe I can, and when you write to me or comment on my blog, I’ll hear you even louder…

2. Now say –

“I want love, romance, lifelong commitment and HAPPINESS with a great, great man.”

3. Now say –

“I deserve everything I want.Β  Even if it feels weird to say it out loud – I DESERVE EVERYTHING I want”

4. Now check out your body.

See if saying such an amazing, “out-there” thing has stirred up your Nasty Voice and made any of your body tense – check out your shoulders, your pelvis…your arms…

5. Now – find a Rori Raye Tool you can do quickly.

If you have my ebook – go to the mirror and look at your face, and listen to yourself at Level 2 (even though you’re not saying anything). Just be with yourself.

If you have my Heart Connection Toolkit – read “The Plan” over and over to yourself, and do a quick “Body Dialogue.”

If you have Reconnect Your Relationship – lay down on the floor or the bed and pretend you’re in the Rowboat of Love, being rowed to lifelong, happy relationship by the man of your dreams.

If you have Commitment Blueprint, imagine that you’re a “cup” and that all the good things in the world are coming into your body and filling up that cup for you.

If you have Modern Siren, either go outside right now and find a tree and hug it – or look around inside for an indoor plant (even a fake one will do) and hug it.

If you’re new to my work and are just reading my eletters – try this:

Wherever you are, put both your arms around yourself and give yourself a huge hug.

Say to yourself “This is a special day – it’s a beginning of something BIG for me…I’m Inaugurating my new life of love, romance, lifelong commitment and HAPPINESS.”

6. Now – be prepared to “bounce” around emotionally after this.

It’s an emotional thing – to love yourself so hard.

It’ll trigger your Nasty Voice and all the reasons why you “can’t have” what you want will start to flood your head.

So – be STRONG about this – whenever the Nasty Voice tries to undermine the good feelings you feel after doing any of the Tools here – let it talk, but DON’T DO WHAT IT SAYS!

In other words – don’t go back into the dark, sad, disbelieving place it wants you to go to.

Stay with the good feelings.

Keep hugging yourself, keep telling yourself you love yourself, and STAY WITH IT ALL DAY!

Let me know how you feel by the end of the day…just comment here…

Let me know how Inaugurating love, romance, lifelong commitment and HAPPINESS feels to you –

I’m going to hug myself ALL DAY LONG – so let’s do it together!

Love, Rori

65 Comments

  1.  #1heartbeat on January 20, 2009 at 1:48 am

    What a great start to the day, Rori – thanks! Hugs all round πŸ™‚ It’s morning here and I’m off out for the day. It feels like a day of wonder and adventure.



  2.  #2alias girl on January 20, 2009 at 2:54 am

    YES! I feel very EXCITED! i feel joy and uplifting. it was funny i was just trying out a new AS IF experiment regarding a success in one of my creative/business ventures and i felt so excited. like all these colored lights were flashing on and off inside me like a i don’t know what. just mulitcolored flashing lights. hah and then i checked this blog and read this greaat exciting post and i feel very hopeful. when i said the things outloud i cried more tears of joy. πŸ™‚ i feel so lovable.i feel like kissing myself. xoxo!

    thank you rori! xoxo!



  3.  #3alias girl on January 20, 2009 at 2:58 am

    btw i feel sooooooo grateful we have a new president in office. omg. sooooo grateful. a seemingly heroic rockstar one at that. πŸ™‚ he seems so strong.

    i deserve a great GREAT man and romance and happiness and commitment and love and anything else i deserve and want that i may have left out.



  4.  #4Tracy on January 20, 2009 at 4:16 am

    yeah rori…………..
    i deserve a great man great romance and great hapiness…………….and it starts today!so excited…thanks rori this is what i just needed coz my nasty voices having doing overtime with me but i feel much better now…………i feel at peace and i am happpy a new president is coming!



  5.  #5katja on January 20, 2009 at 7:34 am

    this is great! i gave myself the biggest hug i could and it felt so good, save and strong at the same time! i will do only things that make me feel good today…today is MY day πŸ™‚

    btw i forgot to introduce myself-my name is katja,i am living in germany,i am 27 years old and i am a young mother of a little girl. i am struggling with low confidence and being too nice in a relationship. my man has trust issues,so that is also a huge problem for me.
    i am just beginning with standing up for myself and BEING myself.leaning back,stop overfunctioning – and i hope my relationship will be on a better path right soon.

    but i have to ask something – i just read about circular dating and i would like to know how to do this if you are already living together with the man and having a baby together but not being married (but wanting to get married)?
    i feel uncomfortable with dating other man, not only because my man has trust issues (because of a previous relationship) but because i do have a little daughter and it would just feel weird to date other man in this situation.

    thanks already for your answers…



  6.  #6Nicole on January 20, 2009 at 11:25 am

    Dear Rori-
    I want to thank you for all your advice and help. I ordered the modern siren kit a long time ago and it has really helped me and my relationships (not just with the man). You are a wonderful person and so genuine. I want you to know that I am grateful to you and appreciate the change you have made in my life.



  7.  #7Reshi on January 20, 2009 at 11:39 am

    Rori, I love ME. I love Reshi.
    I want a beautiful home of my own, an amazing career doing what I love and helping others, and everlasting love, romance, lifelong commitment and HAPPINESS with a super fabulous, strong, masculine, courageous, loving, handsome man.
    I deserve EVERYTHING I want–I know it’s a lot but I deserve all of it!

    AG, I feel the exact same way about our new president. Strong, heroic, rockstar, are exactly the words that come to mind. I want to see this country turn around. I want to see peace instead of war, prosperity instead of recession, integrity instead of corruption. America deserves all of this.



  8.  #8Reshi on January 20, 2009 at 11:55 am

    In addition, I believe Mr. and Mrs. Obama are a great relationship role model to look up to. Of course I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors–but it LOOKS like they really love each other, as opposed to being a marriage of convenience where they just screw around on each other like certain past presidents who shall remain nameless…



  9.  #9Ann on January 20, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    I love ME. I deserve everything I want in my life. I intend to create the life I deserve.

    I look up to Michele Obama she appears to be a strong, feminine woman.



  10.  #10Erika on January 20, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Cool metaphor, Rori – fun to play with πŸ™‚



  11.  #11Erin on January 20, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    I feel wonderful! Thank you Rori! This blog spoke so much to me (again!)
    I decided to take a real journey…a journey to peace.
    I made a decision when my hubby left that this deployment is a gift. A precious gift to give me the time I need to love myself fully without any triggers and build a me that is ready to see him fully…to say what I am really feeling…to be me with him…to let go of this blasted fear of intimacy…and to have all the happiness I KNOW I DESERVE.
    Much love to you Rori and to all the gals on here.
    New to this site but I feel like you are all “old kindred spirits” of mine.



  12.  #12Meita on January 21, 2009 at 2:17 am

    thanks so much for the email!
    I love myself, and keep the feel good all day just like you said!

    I know something really good, will come, SOON!!

    thanks so much!!

    PS: Nice to see you all gals here πŸ™‚



  13.  #13ADEJO ABIGEAL on January 21, 2009 at 3:04 am

    I just did the hug, and i feel grate!!!!
    i realy need to love myself everyday.
    i now know i deserve everything, including loving
    myself. thanks alot Rori, this was wonderful.
    I feel like i just fall in love now like never before.
    i deserve a grate man by myside just like
    Mrs. Obama.
    I dont know how to love but i think i just did now!!!
    Thanks alot Rori, more grace to you.



  14.  #14Kristina-LEBANON on January 21, 2009 at 11:03 am

    MAny MAny CONGRATS to you On OBAMA.. but “Hussein”?!..:O.. hehe.. Great !.. I Know he’s gona be so open to all that i already Feel “SAFE” Around being near an Amercian now..
    I am currently “Circular dating” via the NEt & in real life (unfortunately Not surrounded by Much in number of TRUE GOOD MEN – but feeling, witnessing, appreciating)

    However ROri, there’ s much i’d like to ask you (since i unfortunately too am not receiving any packages or any or your programs,(donnow maybe because of my Country ?>. ) anyways, i wanted to ask you my dear, if a Man (all MEn ) get to be close to you in a direct straight way to Bed.:(HOnestly, it is a worldwide Epidemy ;)) i guess, & if we, on our side, try our hard to “Switch: their Priorities & all, BUT STILL< THEY WOULDNt listen (OR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with honest complete life (eventhough they’re saying I Love you already & i want to build a lifetime relationship with you.. ) blalbla.. I Guess all they wish to express @ First is :How well & How much they Mainly WANT to GET IN OUR PANTS(sorry for the expression ).. Just Please TELL ME HOW & WHere will i bring all the Energy to :”Consstantly” “Push them away ( & thats “LItterally’ what I FEEL : I Feel like pushing them so far by either not responding Or trying so darn hard to shift their attention &/or their thinking towards something else,. & beleive me rori, ( & all of you gorgious ladies on this blog) I am no “Knock-out”.. i Look good, try to feel great (Thanking you !) got many issues (personal- like having my priority to be taking care of my Elder Mother who is witnessing perhaps the last days of her life, ) & I dont want to end up sitting alone in my salon, & Collapsing by myself, in my misery – Coz i can sense she’s leaving & God knows how i feel rigth these moments..) i Do Not Calim for all what i need just letting them aware that i am here – fully capable & fully willing to Open & Build on a relationship but hey, nobody “gets”it that i DONT WANT THEM TO COME TOWARDS ME IN THE SAME SEXUAL TRIGGER What should i do rori,…there is someone sending me flowers, wine, chocolates from Dubai (4hours plane flight!) & he’s coming very soon to see me, however, during our all last conversaions, its like evrything drifts to sex he’s totally into me, trying to pursuie me, in so many good ways too!!!, but, simply overwhelmed with his desire of me.. constantly “Dominating” the convers & switching it to Sensual (Lovely ) stuff.. am panicking over the “possibility of even “Seing him & NOT being able to Stop him, (For i am starting to feel many things towards him.. ) i always gathered that Sleeping with someone, ( & it alwasy is !like this !: it builds up a huge bond between us, & yet, i end up either pushing him back( because i dont get what i want ) or be depressed by the end bcoz he ends up NOt bEINg THe oNE.. (WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE SLEEPING STUFF &+ WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME NOT BEING ABLE TO STOP IT !!!…



  15.  #15Reshi on January 21, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    I feel so awful right now. I feel so weighed down by the debts I built up with my husband, and the uncertainty about where things are going to fall once we are divorced. I feel scared because I do not trust him to handle things even though he promised he would. His promises aren’t worth the air he used to say the words.

    I feel responsible, and I feel like a failure. And I feel just scared and weighed down. I don’t know if it’s the Nasty Voice or something deeper. I was feeling so upbeat but this financial mess was swept under the rug.

    I’m in this volunteer job that I absolutely LOVE, and my boss is talking about hiring me as a paid staff member once the center is more successful. For that to happen would absolutely be a dream come true but I have to survive long enough to get there.
    My husband said that he wanted to set me free, not drop me in a pit. But I think I’m going down into a pit no matter what. I would like to know how deep it is so that I know how much rope I need to bring…

    And I want to feel like when I’m clawing my way up and can see the sky again, I’ll see the face of a handsome stranger who reaches down towards me and helps me climb all the way out.

    Circular dates…they keep calling and I let them circle me like the wind. I never know who’s going to call or write, who I’m going to meet. And I don’t care. None of them are The One. I feel so icky and hopeless.

    I just want to know where I stand financially. I know it isn’t going to be pretty, no matter what–and ugh. I remember all the fighting I did to keep the marriage together, when I probably should have left him after the honeymoon. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I feel angry, so angry. I want to feel like I’m still alive, and like my worth is undiminished by any of what I have done or what has happened in my life. I want to still stand tall and proud and in full strength and integrity. That would feel like a backbone of steel, a strong tree. Goddess knows I worked and suffered for everything I have. I worked without pay, cooking and cleaning for him, planning all the dates and anniversaries and romantic things, giving him all the sex he wanted and then some, giving up my dreams so that he could have his. And he never once cared about MY dreams, EVER. It makes me sick. And I love that I can feel sick, because if I can feel sick, I can ensure that I NEVER treat myself so disrespectfully again.

    I still feel scared, like when I confront him about the finances he’ll hit me or yell at me or refuse to take me seriously. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I’m not afraid of that man, because if he hits me, he will lose. If he abuses me, he will lose.

    Man. Reading this, I actually feel kind of strong and purposeful. Maybe there is an unimagined possibility for me out there after all. I feel like I’m becoming very strong, like I’ll be able to handle anything that comes my way. Which is good, because I’m going to need that strength.

    I feel like Obama, having just inherited a completely jacked-up country, and about to roll up my sleeves and get to work on it. And with a country full of voters watching my every move, and having to be conscious that I don’t drop the ball or let them down. Is there a positive way to say that? Having to be conscious that I make good on their faith in me? That feels better.



  16.  #16heartbeat on January 21, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    That was fab, Reshi, what a shift! I could feel it just reading your words. I feel inspired.

    Erin I got excited reading your comments, I feel really interested in your story. I relate to the ‘secretive’ man stuff and am reminded of how I can get triggered into jealousy. Rori’s tools are a miracle CURE!! πŸ™‚

    Well done on your fabulous and gorgeous new President!

    I’m voting Ugly Betty for Prime Minister when UK has its next election. She’s great!! I’m watching the whole series on DVD and learning a lot – seriously! Look how she handles Walter, and then dirty Daniel. She has them eating out of her hand. Well done Betts!

    PS I haven’t watched the whole series so please don’t anyone give the storyline away πŸ™‚

    PPS Daniel falls for her, doesn’t he?? I bet he does! No no don’t tell me…. I’m having a duvet day tomorrow so I’ll watch ten episodes in a row, eat marshmallows and have a nice pot of tea.



  17.  #17alias girl on January 21, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    I feel compassion when i read reshi’s post. also i feel my busybody instinct itching to get in there and solve somebody else’s problems. as if i even could. not quite.

    i feel supportive of reshi. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS. YOU WILL FIND A WAY OF LIVING YOUR LIFE THAT PLEASES YOU IMMENSELY!

    on another note, have you consulted a lawyer or even just spoken with other people regarding the division of property and debt in your divorce?

    xoxo



  18.  #18Reshi on January 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    AG and Heartbeat, thanks for your support. I feel I could use some busybody energy! I haven’t spoken with a lawyer, can’t afford a lawyer, can’t afford NOT to have a lawyer so it’s a catch-22. I did speak with my parents and some friends who work in a law office, and apparently I’m screwed. Well, not really screwed, but it looks as though I can’t exactly just get through this divorce without ever having to see or talk to my husband again. In order to be responsible to myself I have to deal with him and I don’t like that, I feel powerless with him. I don’t like feeling powerless with a man. It feels awful, horrible, icky. Argh! I feel like screaming. I’ve always felt powerless with men. I want to feel powerful, desirable, like a Goddess, comfortable within my own skin around men. A guy called me the other night and it actually didn’t feel that awesome talking to him, I thought he was a little too full of himself, but this morning I got an email saying he couldn’t sleep and was thinking of me and had been all flustered while on the phone with me. That is how I want to feel with men. I believe that’s a natural power I have. But I feel wheels furiously turning in my head to keep me scared and keep me from ever experiencing feminine power. And I AM scared. I am scared of being sexually dishonored, of getting pregnant, of being used and dumped.
    And I don’t know what I want to do with sex. Waiting for marriage feels like a recipe for unpleasant surprises, and not waiting for marriage feels like compromising my integrity. I don’t want to take hormonal birth control as I don’t believe in altering my body for a man’s convenience. I feel like men will lose interest if I sleep with them and men will lose interest if I don’t sleep with them. I don’t even feel like Riffing.



  19.  #19alias girl on January 21, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    i feel interested in reshi’s process of having to be a powerful, self loving goddess while dealing with her soon-to-be ex husband in her divorce settlement. i feel excited. it could an an Opportunity. at the very least an Experiment in practicing new goddess behavior. πŸ™‚ i feel interested. i feel compassion for the resistance she (you)

    when to have sex is different for everyone. in our society there is so much negative stereotyping and judgment coming at a women NOT TO BE A WHORE GOD FORBID. whatever. over the years, i’ve figured my own comfort level out for myself. it came with some mistakes though. i had sex with some men i wish i had not. i also had sex with some men for the wrong reasons. life is process. i just learn who i am and what works for me.

    still, a woman needs to be smart about it. as far as safety, and etc. if you’re not sure whether to have sex with a guy it definitely can’t hurt to wait. and if the man can’t wait then blech. blech. who wants that? ick.



  20.  #20Flipper on January 22, 2009 at 6:30 am

    I can really feel with Reshi’s dilemna. Divorce is such a harrowing thing, even when completely amical (hah! people are hurting in there, and that stays in(side us) and comes out, even when everyone thinks they’ve already ‘gotten over’ the other – they still have to ‘get over’ the permanent, sealed-by-the-court-and-all-society end of the relationship). I feel she has the inner strength to overcome her distaste and fear in all she will have to do in facing this during this ordeal.

    I feel so encouraged by Alias Girl’s support to everyone, as I do by everyone’s on here for everyone else. I agree with her that when we are speaking from our own truth, there is no problem with advice and support being contradictory. Receiving what the others have reached out sincerely to share with us is already such a big boost, and that shores up our ability to marshal our own power to find the right solution for us.

    I’m having a problem keeping the “Notify me” box checked at the end of streams. Will it only stay clicked if I post something myself? Anyone else have this happen?



  21.  #21Samat on January 22, 2009 at 7:20 am

    Hi Kristina-LEBANON, I think theres more information on the subject you posted in the december/january archive with the links on the right side of this page.



  22.  #22DocK on January 22, 2009 at 8:51 am

    Hi Rori

    What a great post – I DO feel excited about myself, my life and DESERVING of everything I want – no matter how “crazy” someone else might thing it is.

    I have to tell you – I did something wild and crazy – just for me. I had a photo shoot with a woman from England that does “nude portraiture.”

    In some ways, I felt I hadn’t prepared “enough.” I used to do some modeling and figure competitions and felt that I didn’t go through the usual “ordeal” that I did to look “perfect.” I am close to 50 and thought, ‘You know, this is me, the way I am today and it is good enough.’

    I felt beautiful and I am looking forward to seeing the results!!

    I did NOT do this for a man. These pictures are for ME. I have been working out for almost 3 decades and feel that my body, IS my body of work in some ways. Not that I don’t value the rest – I strongly believe in the mind, body, spirit connection – which is why I also have a doctorate and purchase your programs.

    It is ALL good. In spite of some of the usual doubts that ran through my head feeling insecure, and then, on the other hand, feeling how “arrogant” I must be to be doing something like this – I then just felt happy and comfortable and sexy and “siren-ey” and did it.

    It’s OK to feel everything, isn’t it!!



  23.  #23alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 11:44 am

    docK you ROCK! that is a total siren-y thing to do and i feel very pleased! πŸ™‚ thank you so much for sharing that (and for doing it!)



  24.  #24Daria on January 22, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    I feel so much struggle and anxiety. It is getting close to the time that I “need” my former guy I liked to do something so that I won’t be hit with an unimaginably huge charge. I was freaking out about it two weeks ago but I talked to myself to trust everything will be ok until the 20th. Then something will happen or have happened that will solve my situation. However I do not know if something did or did not happen. I am trying my best to trust.

    I called him about 10 times yesterday, no answer. I left one message and sent one text. I hope he does decide to call back. I feel so at his mercy. At this point I could care less about being with him really I just want this issue taken care of. I am doing my best to not get sick with anxiety. I am doing EFT all last nite, and time to do some again. I wake up in the morning worried about it, it seems like I have to force myself to chill out.

    I am trying really hard. Perhaps this is a test from God. Perhaps I am being tested to learn to manage my anxiety.

    My mind keeps coming up to let me know it is not ok to just sit back. I am considering trying to contact his mom tomorrow if I still have not gotten a hold of him. So that perhaps she can help me or assure me that he will follow through. The truth is even if I did get him on the phone all I could get is maybe an assurance from him that he will follow through, not anything concrete. I am shocked that he could ignore my calls like this, I thought we were friends. I feel guilty that maybe my energy of moving away from him and not calling him for over a month has made him resentful.

    I feel so much HORROR thinking that he might not comethrough. I imagine the Shame I will feel with my family, and basically I will go financially bankrupt. How Shameful that I will have put myself in such a situation over a guy. Even if he was what I would’ve considered my closest friend. I am worried that his relationship with his now pregnant girlfriend means he won’t talk to me, even about this issue. I WANT this issue cleared up. It feels good to write about this.



  25.  #25Daria on January 22, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    I feel scared… and that feels like tightening in my right thigh and squeezing in my chest and tingling along my shoulders, and like a cool feeling spreading across my chest. I love my fear and my tightening thigh, my cool feeling and tingling shoulders. And that feels like hiccuping. Lol. I love my hiccups. That feels like tingly “sweats” in my chest. /I love my tingly sweats feeling. /That feels like a quick sigh of relief and I love my sigh of relief. That feels like standing up straighter, and like pressure on my abdomen and throat. I love the pressure on my abdomen and throat. That feels like heat moving out through my arms, like angry heat. I love my heat moving through my arms. That feels like pressure on my left cheeck bone and tightness in my lower back.



  26.  #26Daria on January 22, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Yay! After doing some internet research it turns out the situation is not as grave as I had thought. The time limit would have been Tuesday is not set in stone. No wonder all my meditating and “tuning in” was telling me everythign would be ok! It is ! haha. Wow. /I was driving myself crazy and now I feel relieved i’m almost crying. yay.



  27.  #27Daria on January 22, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Yay yay yay… I’m getting what I want. Peace of mind, peace of mind. Whoopeee yes yes yes yes yse… I feeel frolicky in peace of mind. thank you God thank you Universe, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! I WANT TO RoLLL around in these wonderful feelings of relief YES.



  28.  #28alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    i feel relief at dari’s turn around.nice.

    i also feel triggered that one of my exs was also so cavalier with me. it made me feel shame that perhaps all i had felt for him had been in an imaginary relationship. perhaps all the things he had said had been smoke up my butt.

    i feel intuitively that the truth is somewhere in between. i feel self love and unburdened though since dropping those heavy weights that had been riding on my horse in a ghostly manner. i feel so much lighter in my body. more energy. more hopeful for something real. now there is space for real love and intimacy to grow. i feel confident.



  29.  #29alias girl on January 22, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    i feel a desire for more action. plus i feel weird commenting so much. i don’t want to stand out so much. i am going to take a vacation from commenting.



  30.  #30Cookie on January 22, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    i feel disappointed that alias girl is planning on taking a vacation from posting as reading all of you ladies posts helps me gain clarity and perspective in my own life. i feel happy that daria’s situation is not as grave as she thought and has seemed to turn around. i feel connected to alias’ comment about her ex boyfriend’s cavalier attitude. My guy is still acting strange. He is back to calling me to make sure I’m awake in the mornings which i like very much and always thank him for. But we don’t talk at all during the day and he has made strange comments. He seems to moving his life forward without me, he usually kind of asks me for my permission to do things (which is kind of ridiculous, but I like the idea of someone running an idea by me as it feels to me like we are a team). I do enjoy his independence though because it makes me feel like less of a mom and more of a girlfriend. But then I kinda feel like I have no place with him if I’m not helping him. I used to feel so insecure about it but now I’m grateful that I have helped him all these years and then backed up perodically and let him make his own mistakes. We were talking about my salary and the increase I would be getting if I continued on the path that I have been on. And he made a comment about if I could buy him a car, which made me feel angry, like he was using me and that he expects me to support him financially if we do settle with each other. I don’t want to support a man financially and I do deserve a man that will pull his own financial weight and actually add to me not just look at my talents and earning potential as a way to come up. Not saying that I’m rich or anything, far from it, but I know that one day I will have my foundation and I will sell my books and maybe sell products on my websites and I will be very successful in all those ventures. I want a man that is a dedicated to the cause as I am and I want fabulous sex with that man. Because I am feeling beyond frustrated that my guy has panned out to be so poor in the bedroom, I was only completely satisfied in that department in our first year, the rest of the six years have been off and on. It’s like he trying to ration out the loving and its very annoying. i FEEL wrong for wanting to find another lover because i will feel like I’m cheating but I’m too young to be this dissatisfied. Right now, I want to focus on getting my body back in order so I can take some nude photos like Goddess Dock, you go Ms lady. Anyway, that’s all for now I guess.



  31.  #31Reshi on January 22, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    I feel super inspired by DocK. That is where I want to be when I am 50. There is nothing in the world more beautiful and inspiring than a gorgeous, self-loving, self-actualized older woman.

    I feel triggered by Daria’s posts about her guy/financial situation. I’ve emailed my husband to talk about the finances and no reply. I feel awful, powerless, like he’s going to automatically win by stonewalling me forever, and then I’m going to be tied to him forever after the divorce because he’s too lazy to take care of getting things put into the right names. Him keeping the house and pretending to keep the debts, and me having to file bankruptcy does NOT feel fair to me, I don’t care how much more money he makes than I do. I feel angry and I feel like crying. We wanted to divorce with mutual respect and without lawyers, or rather HE wanted that, but if he is going to stonewall me, what choice do I have? I feel SO angry. I don’t want to do this in an adversarial way either. I want there to be mutual respect and I feel disrespected.

    OK, now I’ve got to warn you, it’s about to be that time of the month for me and every rotten feeling and its mother is working its way to the surface, demanding its right to be felt and listened to. Here goes…

    There are days I can’t even handle reading the posts here because I am just too triggered by the suffering too many women go through at the hands of men. And now I’m adding to that negative energy and I feel awful. I want to feel like there ARE good men out there. I want to see EVERY woman on this blog finding real love. Seeing just one would be enough. I feel like I’m doing everything on blind faith and seeing no real results from anyone; I am seeing breakthroughs so amazing they blow my mind, but is anyone here being offered the kind of relationship we truly want, yet? I want to believe that I’ll get there and we’ll all get there and be cheering each other on at the finish line, some mythical future time when we all have amazing husbands/fiances/lovers/manwhores/whatever we want. I don’t want to have to say that all this self-love and positivity is a crock because I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone. But I feel that so strongly.

    And it’s so OK that I feel so awful, and I am getting so much stronger by being able to hold the awful feelings inside me, and at the same time, I DO NOT WANT to keep all these awful feelings, and I feel ANGRY, and I want to go out and rage at the world and DEMAND that my feelings be heard and listened to. And I just want to be heard and listened to and I don’t feel that I am, ever, by anyone. I feel that I’ve lost the one person who ever did listen to me and that there will never be another, EVER. I miss being listened to and I miss his friendship. And that makes me feel so sad…and yet two tears later, I feel strangely peaceful. I feel a heavy, dull ache in my heart, I feel sorrow for all the things I have lost, and not just men, millions of things. Opportunities for growth, opportunities for happiness, opportunities for travel and friendships and a million million things that I could have had. Money that I could have made, money that I could have kept, money that I could have given away rather than throwing away. I feel sick and disgusted at how little respect I’ve treated myself with, and it’s so OK that I’ve treated myself poorly, so many people treat themselves poorly…and I just want to feel like I’ll always be taken care of, heard, and listened to.

    And I will, because Reshi is a strong and fierce mama bear. Lately I’ve noticed a change in the way random men on the street treat me. No, they aren’t smiling at me or opening doors for me or doing anything they would do for women they are interested in. But when they see me coming, they get out of my way. They step off the well-trod path and into the snow. That is a huge change from how it was just a few weeks ago when they would literally treat me like I was invisible, bump into me, and force me off the path and into the snow. Ugh! My husband was HORRIBLE about that. He would always just walk right through my personal space like I wasn’t even there. And to him, I wasn’t, because I never asserted my right to be there. I never really stood up to him, though I thought I was standing up to him when I picked fights with him.

    UGH. I feel so angry I could fucking explode. I can’t stand having all this bad karma in my past. I want to release all of it. I want to move into a state of peace. I want to just bleed it all out, I want to have my period for a week and a half and just let it all flow out of me and transform into nourishment for the earth, like women did in the ancient world. That would feel good, it would feel grounded and stable and holy. Back in the days when women’s bodies were in touch with each other and the cycles of the moon and they all just went off and retreated from the men and were together during that time. That is why I come here, I crave the wonderful female solidarity that we have. I love the way we all support each other. I love Alias Girl’s commenting to everyone and center-of-attention-ness (so much that I’m totally stealing it for myself right now). I love Rori’s busting her booty to post articles almost daily for us, and the wisdom in her comments. I feel it’s so hard to find love and support from other women out in the world, much less men, and I feel like I need to get 30some years worth of it, all at once, or I’ll die. Like I’m a little baby who just won’t let go of its mother’s breast. I want a hug, so badly, and my sisters and I don’t hug. My husband and I did, a lot, and I miss that so much. I’m sitting here right now imagining this compassionate mother figure just wrapping her arms around me while I cry my eyes out. I don’t want a man for that, I need a woman. A woman understands. That is how I feel. And getting all that out really did feel nourishing.



  32.  #32Daria on January 23, 2009 at 12:03 am

    oh thank you reshi for being triggered by my situation. That feels good. I feel heard.



  33.  #33heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 2:19 am

    Flipper, yes I think we do have to make a comment and click the ‘notify me’ box BEFORE submitting it in order to get follow-up comments sent via email. It’s a great facility.

    I feel excited there are lots of new names commenting on this post! And inspired and amazed at my familiar co-commenters’ comments too – such honesty and power WOW!! πŸ™‚



  34.  #34heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 2:27 am

    Reshi extra WOW *%()^&** bam boom!!! I’m coming with you!

    Hey I feel so proud – I have a period – YAY!! The first one in nine months. I want there to be ‘Congratulations on Your New Period’ cards. I feel like celebrating! OK it could be menopause, but I don’t think so. The past four to five years have been awful for me, but recently I’ve been feeling amazing inside. I feel different, I feel better, and like I got myself back. Pass me the tampons and aglass of bubbly!! πŸ™‚



  35.  #35heartbeat on January 23, 2009 at 3:13 am

    Alias Girl please don’t take a break from commenting – I’d miss you!!

    Daria, amazing turnaround – I feel comforted and inspired.

    I feel my way through all the comments. I feel like apologising for not commenting on everyone’s contribution. I love my feeling like apologising…. πŸ™‚



  36.  #36katja on January 23, 2009 at 4:26 am

    okay,i am trying again πŸ™‚

    first,hello rori and all the wonderful ladies here! i hope someone can help me with my problems or give any advice.

    here is my story:
    i am a new mother of a little girl,she is almost four months now. the pregnancy and having a baby did affect the relationship with my man. we are kind of disconnected,he has trust issues (from a previous relationship) and we didn’t have sex for a long time (almost one year) because i didn’t have any desire for sex during the pregnancy (i know it was mostly the hormones,i didn’t even want to kiss,but i also think i am or was afraid of intimacy as it became worse when i was moving in with him). it’s getting better now. the desire comes slowly back but i am still afraid of having sex because i am still kind of traumatized by the events during the delivery of the baby. it was horrible,i had some injuries that caused a lot of pain in the first weeks after the delivery and the healing took some time. i am now recovered,i really feel better and i am gaining confidence (i lost a lot during the pregnancy). but there is still my fear of pain that holds me back. we tried twice to have sex and it was really painful (physically) and i panicked though we hadn’t even really begun. sorry for being so open but thats part of my story and question. he always says that sex is a huge part in a relationship and that he feels less of a man because of my lacking desire. i am confused of what to do now. i do want to be in his arms,kissing and i am even thinking about having sex but i am still afraid of the pain. i want to be close to him again,not only physically – also emotionally. i am practising some of rori’s tools – leaning back,talking in feeling messages to him,building up my confidence and i feel better everyday. it really works though there is a lot of work to do. but what do i do about having sex? he said last week that it doesn’t make any sense for him to try if i do not want to have sex or do not have any desire and that he won’t initiate sex anymore. since then he didn’t try or talk about it. i do want to be kissed and touched and i am feeling unsafe if i should initiate something or not. we do kiss each other every day but not as passionly as i would like to (it’s kind of innocent – only on our lips and not with tongues touching) and he really doesn’t try anything else to persuade me to “go to bed” with him as he was before.

    i want to know how i can overcome my fear of pain,
    and should i initiate kissing and touching or is this too masculine?

    thank you!
    katja



  37.  #37Flipper on January 23, 2009 at 6:51 am

    Hello Katja, I feel so relieved that you are trying again, and so bad about not getting back to you after your first post, ‘assuming’ someone else would. So no more assumptions. Your situation feels so painful to me, well beyond the physical aspects you associated with that word. As anyone whoever had one knows, having a child (giving it birth and then ‘having’ it for the next 20 years or so, is a complete turning upside down of one’s life, no matter how happily things go.) The adjustments involved are required immediately, profound, ongoing, constantly changing, and are within yourself, your couple, and your whole environment. Re the painful sex, the first step is talking to your doctor about this. Physical reasons (and there obviously could be given the birth sequels) must be attended to or ruled out. This may be embarrassing to bring up with them (for you and/or them – drs are human and many have their own hangups about sex and are poorly trained in giving useful information), but ALL the aspects of your problem should be brought up, the ‘immaterial’ (psycho, relationship) as well as physical). Ask for advice and referrals for psychological counseling or a sexologist etc., and if you get no help in this quarter, try social services, family planning centers, etc.

    Your lack of desire and no sex at all during the whole pregnancy is a pretty strong signal that your basic needs are not being met. But tho’ the physiological must not be neglected, the emotional element may well be the key. And for that, you need all the support you deserve and as much as you can get, through this site, AND in your daily life, through trained professionals for tackling the problems, and friendships for keeping up morale. NONE of this is ‘icing on the cake’ – it’s ALL essential for your and your baby’s well-being, not to mention the relationship’s, but the latter can’t come around till you Take Care of Yourself. We will all be supporting you 100% and more on here, whether you read anything specific or not. I feel we all hope that everyone will feel personally addressed by what we write, even if the name mentioned is someone else’s because that person is the one who brought something up. And I can feel that there are many many many more women out there joining in with their vibes, tho’ they don’t care to post (or other young mothers like you that are just so overbooked or overwhelmed that they can’t, but who look to this site like a lifesaver, hoping to find the help and support they need and deserve).

    I feel so Happy for Alias Girl’s desire to Go Out There and Live Her Life to the Full, in real time, real action, real feelings. I, too will miss her delicious, heartfelt, and SOOOO helpful posts if she really chooses to lay off for awhile. But if that means she will be out getting her due and bringing happiness to the world because of it, MORE POWER TO HER !



  38.  #38Reshi on January 23, 2009 at 11:50 am

    Yay, the husband e-mailed me back this morning, we e-mailed back and forth a couple times. He’s coming by to drop off the last of my stuff either tomorrow or the next day. I feel calm, respected, and respectful. I think I can do this.



  39.  #39Daria on January 23, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    I FEEL SO ANGRY! I STILL HAVEN’T HEARD BACK FROM THIS GUY ABOUT the money issue. What I want to Do is nothing. I want to leave it up to him to take care of it. Except I am worried that it will cost me 10,000 dollars in the end. Of course there are lots of really easy things he can do to avoid this. HE can do. I can do nothing. The only thing I have thought of doing is contacting his mom. The deadline I gave myself for that is tonight. I find myself pre-playing the conversation in my head. As if I don’t really expect him to come through. Because I don’t. How messed up that your best and most trusted friends wouldn’t come through. At least Reshi’s husband did e-mail her back. I feel hope for my own situation through that. I wish my guy was contacting me back.

    I really want to lean back and even accept the 10,000 dolar debt. The only thing is that I keep imagining my mom and how she wouldn’t like that. I would feel ashamed in front of her. And I feel angry. I feel incompetent. I AM incompetent. And that is ok. It is ok. I WANT to beat myself up. I really don’t deserve to ….? What. I do deserve to live. I feel thankful about that. I deserve to be healthy although I feel worried that this stress is making me unhealthy. In fact I have been sick for almost 2 weeks now? Yup. I feel smug about that. Haha. I am sick. See. Good. I cannot really function or make money or do anything you want me too. I have instances of dreaming of starting to do drugs and turning into a homeless person. Just so I wouldn’t be responsible to the world and maybe someone will feel sorry for me. Except I know the reality of that won’t be that way. I will still feel awful, probably more awful. My right shoulder has been tight for days. Thank you shoulder. I appreciate your caring and compassion. I feel like crying and I held myself back. And that feels like tightness in my thigh. Thank you thigh. I appreciate your caring and compassion. I feel hot on the inside. Like tears are gathering and ready to start a storm. That feels like a sigh. I feel like hanging. I want to throw big arrows at my body that is hanging from a noose in a tree. Gee. Talk about not beating yourself up. I feel smug that you will all see me beating myself up and probably tell me not to. You can’t stop me. No one can stop me from beating myself up. And that feels like smiling and laughing a little bit. I feel happy. At least I have the control of beating myself up. This must be kinda how people who cut themselves feel. Hmm. I do not want or feel like cutting myself.

    Well
    lets talk about what I want now. I want this situation to work out WONDERFULLY with NO EFFORT on my part. That’s right I don’t even want to call his mom. Part of that is because I feel it’s disrespectful to HIM. I feel bad for myself. I am such a loser to think of him. I wouldn’t like people contacting my mom. I am remembering this time in the past when I did something kinda messed up to this stranger guy and the girl who knew him called my mom about it. I Was PIST. So I feel I deserve this situation beacause of that. Even thought this is much worse for one because it’s more money and too because this was my friend. So I don’t WANT to contact his mom. That would take too much COURAGE which I don’t have. I don’t even have the COURAGE to go to his house. Mostly because his sister hates me and might try to beat me up. Which I don’t even have the COURAGE to talk to his sister, because I don’t have the COURAGE to talk to someone who is mad at me. Hmm… COURAGE is a big theme for me. I also seem to be compelled to write it in capital letters. good. I love COURAGE. IT is the number one thing I look for in a person, maybe even more than KINDNESS. I want to have both. In fact I do, just less so in certain situations like this one. Gee willikers. Lol. I don’t know why I said that. That’s what Velma says on Scooby Doo. I feel so good typing and typing and typing. I hope you guys don’t mind. This feels therapeutic for me. It is like my journal. Except my hand hurts from trying to write so fast in my journal. It feels easier to type. Plus it’s kind of cool that you guys might read it. My floating journal.

    Yes. Back to what I WANT. I WANT everything to turn out BEAUTIFULLY, with NO EFFORT ON MY PART. I WANT TO FEEL DIVINELY INSPIRED AND GUIDED. I WANT TO TRUST MY DIVINE GUIDANCE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE MESSED UP IN MY PAST AND IT MAY NOT BE PRACTICAL TO MY MOM AND DAD. EVEN THOUGH I DECIDE TO SACRIFICE 10,000 DOLLARS I DON:T HAVE FOR THE SAKE OF LEANING BACK AND FEELING GOOD RIGHT NOW. I BET IT WON:T FEEL GOOD LATER THOUGH. I FEEL SO WEAK. oops I lost track. I WANT TO FEEL HAPPY. I WANT TO FEEL PLEASED WITH HOW I DEALT WITH THIS SITUATION. I want to learn PAINLESSLY. I don’t want to have to believe that we have to have pain to grow. I want to ACCEPT my pain and I also want to grow painlessly. Yay. That feels nice. I want to start having clients for my business. I want to freakin TUTOR people. I am starting to doubt my abilities because clients are not showing up. Even though that makes no sense because I can tutor WELL. Just cause people aren’t showing up doesn’t mean I don’t tutor well. They haven’t even tried it yet. I MADE A POSTER YESTERDAY. I was very happy with it. I put it on Craigslist. So far no answer, /I want to print it and put it up at schools. I feel dizzy. I WANT TO FEEL SO FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL that I don’t have to worry about money troubles. Part of me really believes and behaves AS IF this is going on, which is why I guess I don’t want to worry about the 10,000 dollars. Except I do worry that maybe this is self sabotage. I am guessing Rori would advise me to call his mom. I feel very reristant. I want to do nothing. I can imagine myself taht if I were to have divorce or something like that I would just let the guy screw me over for the sake of doing nothing. Sorry if I trigger someone. This is in no way meant to comment on anyone’s situation. I just seem to have no problem dealing with being Screwed over. Yay. Screw me over. Screw me over. Screw me over.

    WHY DO I FEEL SO EXCITED TO BE SCREWED OVER?

    It makes me feel like I’m a GOOD person. And that is important to me. If I get screwed over enough, then I will be good, then God will love me and I will be worthy, Hmm. Lets change that shall we?

    I WANT to feel that God loves me and I am worthy WITHOUT having to be screwed over. I WANT to feel happy. I WANT to feel GOOD. I WANT TO FEEL SMART ENOUGH TO SCREW PEOPLE OVER MYSELF… and I feel guilty about that. I sometimes make not so nice friends just so I can learn about screwing people over. Because I see it as a way of standing up for yourself. But I also judge it because I don’t do it and therefore I am GOOD. Hmm….

    I feel so safe and loved typing at the computer. I feel like as long as I am here typing it is ok to feel what I feel and think what I think and I will be protected from the negative thinking attracting negative stuff. YAY. Thank you blog. Thank you Rori for creating this space. Thank you me. Thank you everyone. I have a little piece of heaven here.

    Soo… what I feel is. Calmness and dread. Amazing that I feel both. ACtually not so amazing. I usually feel numb or calm when there is a crisis going on. It can be useful like when my grandpa had a stroke. Sometimes it goes too far though and I just keep feeling like sleeping. And that is ok too. Maybe I feel numb. Although I don’t feel numb. I don’t really feel angry although I am assuming my anger is in there. I feel tightness in my left thigh. I just feel like wallowing in disappointment and in being let down. I FEEL SO GLAD that I AM GETTING SCREWED OVER! YAY. I love the part of me that wants to get screwed over. I love the part of me that wants to fail at protecting myself. And part of me wants to be successful. Part of me wants to feel protective and competent and powerful and I love that part of me too. Even thought the word powerful brings with it feelings of isolation, coldness, tall black castles and Maleficient from Sleeping Beauty. Thank you. I love those parts of me too yes I do. I know I can screw people over too like I was mentioning in that situation when the girl called my mom. Which I feel very proud of. And I also feel guilty of. I feel proud of my evilness lol. I don’t always want to be stupid and good. Good=stupid=you die. HAHAHa. I feel worried I won’t be making much progress with these deeeeeep things. Thats ok. Maybe I am making progress. I feel like smiling. I feel kinda dizzy maybe I should eat.



  40.  #40Reshi on January 23, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Daria, ouch! I feel so sorry that you are going through this. And I feel triggered too because I am brought back to times when I just let money fly out the door–thousands of dollars with nothing in return–because I didn’t feel I deserved money, I didn’t feel I deserved to live, much less to have beautiful things and be loved. I feel so angry that I felt so powerless that I couldn’t even cancel a gym membership I’d stopped using, or stop going to the chiropractor long after my physical issue was healed. I was addicted and I am not proud.

    I went ahead and went after my husband because I don’t feel Leaning Back is the right thing to do when it’s money rather than love at stake. I decided that come hell or high water, I am going to come out of this with what is FAIR and what I DESERVE. My male friends say I should take him to the cleaners but I don’t want to go that far–but neither do I want to leave what’s mine on the table and get walked all over. I want to be fair to him, and more importantly I want to be fair to me. My life is worth having and I deserve to have money.



  41.  #41Reshi on January 23, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    I feel a kinship with Daria and that feels good. *HUGS*



  42.  #42Daria on January 23, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Thank you Reshi. Hugs back.

    Unfortunately I feel tense in my stomach now thinking I will have to call his mom. I am worried I will get his dad on the phone. I am worried my calling his parents will really push him away from taking the steps to take care of this out of spite. In fact if it was not for this money issue I would feel smug and amused that he is not returning my calls. He must be mad that I haven’t called him in over a month. Haha. Well I asked him to call me and he didn’t.

    I want to feel divinely guided and empowered to take the RIGHT steps in this situation. I feel tense and pressured. That feels like tightness in my tummy and in my forehead. I love the tightness in my tummy and forehead. I feel distracted. I feel sleepy. I feel kinda icky and like showering. I kinda feel like doing EFT too.



  43.  #43Daria on January 23, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    I feel complacent that I will fail again. I feel so good knowing that I am failing. I feel so comforted that I don’t feel courageous enough to call his mom. Then I don’t have to do it. I feel worried that I WILL get the courage and then RUIN EVERYTHING by calling because that will push him away to really not taking action. So I feel better not doing anything. Especially right now. I feel judgement towards myself. I don’t want to think this way. I want to easily and purposefully do what’s best for me. Now I feel confused. Maybe what’s best for me is showing up at his house to talk to him. Except I don’t feel brave enough to do that. I deserve to get screwed over because I am not brave enough to protect myself. I deserve to feel ashamed in front of my family. /I don’t deserve to be part of my family. I am a cowardly loser. And really I love all of myself anyway. I will sit here and nurse my wounds and let people slowly kill me. I will get smaller and smaller and not fight until something rescues me. That is what I want. This reminds me of one of my relationships from the past. I felt like I was getting smaller and smaller until I was a little tiny dot. I used to wonder how I could breathe. I started doing irrational things and having visions. I want to feel powerful and I feel powerless. I feel angry and powerless. I feel like a black hole. I feel so low. I feel happy that I feel so low. I feel happy. I feel calm in this low place. I am comfortable here on rung – 2. It feels so safe here. Maybe this is my cage. I DONT WANT TO DO THE THINGS THAT WILL GET ME OUT MY CAGE BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO UPSET THIS MAN. AND TAHT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MYSELF AND WHAT HAPPENS WITH ME. AND I DONT CARE WHAT RORI OR ANYONE SAYS. I CAN DO WAHT I WANT WHICH IS BEAT MYSELF UP TO DEATH. And I love the part of me that said that. I am here for you and I am going to do what feels good and what makes me bigger and happier. I love me and my ability to at least /SAY I love me no matter what. I LOVE losing. I LOVE getting hurt. I LOVE being the bigger person. I Am not sure where all this stuff is coming from, but it feels very familiar. I know this voice. And oh yeah. I love it too.



  44.  #44katja on January 23, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    thank you flipper for answering and your advice. it feels so good to be heard! i will regard your advices,especially speak with my doctor. thank you so much again! after reading my own comment again i recognized something,like a pattern. in a previous relationship i had no desire for sexuality, too and it happend just after i moved in with that guy. same now. thinking about that previous relationship i recognized that i lost all my confidence after moving in with my then-boyfriend,i was focused totally on him and overfunctioning (managing all about our “living-together”) and i had nothing to do in my life except my part-time job and being home with or without him. i had no hobbies,no friends,didn’t go out.

    it’s kind of similar to now,but i am working on that. i found something i love to do – i began to sew – and it turned out i am quite talented πŸ™‚ it’s fun. i am sewing clothes for my little daughter. not to forget i am taking care of my little girl all the time. but i still do have not that much friends in my city.i do have good friends but they are all living at least three hours away from me. i am kind of shy when it comes to making new friends though nobody would expect this as i seem to be a confident women. but i am not. so what can i do to build up my confidence? i do not want to date other men because it would feel weird. also i do not have the time and possibilities to go out or take classes or anything like that.

    but back to “no desire for sex”-maybe i am really afraid of intimacy. what can i do about that?

    thanks to everyone for your answers!

    it feels amazing to be here πŸ™‚



  45.  #45Daria on January 23, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    SUCCESS – The man called said he’d be out of town. I feel tears of joy coming up to my eyes. Imagine waking up from my nap to see two missed calls and a message from him. Says he’s been out of town. Really glad I leaned back today instead of calling his mom. In fact I leaned extra back and didn’t even call him at all today, even at my ‘mentally’ scheduled 4 pm time. I really asked my intuition and even though it kept telling me to do nothing, I felt so scared, but listened. Everything is well. He says OF COURSE he is taking care of the stuff he needs to and knows what he has to do. JOY IS WHAT I FEEL. Maybe more than relief? My mom is giving me attitude. Oh well. I feel so good. My body feels good. I feel like sighing in relief. I am smiling hard.

    Lessons : Follow intuition.
    It feels BAD when you hang your well being on someone else. Really BAD.
    Don’t help out someone if it will potentially hurt you 10 times worse.
    Lean back.
    Anxiety can feel majorly overwhelming at the time.

    Thank you GOD. Thank you ME. Thank you everone for listening.

    I KNEW this was God testing my ability to deal with my anxiety. I can’t say I scored an A but I CAN say that I did my BEST. I truly did. In fact I feel a little bit proud. Hey. A little more. THANK YOU.



  46.  #46Daria on January 23, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    JOY JOY JOY. My wrists hurt wiht JOY!



  47.  #47Reshi on January 23, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    HELL YEAH DARIA!!!



  48.  #48Daria on January 23, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    Hell yeah Reshi right back at ya! HIGH FIVE!



  49.  #49Cassandra on January 27, 2009 at 8:57 am

    Hi Goddesses….I have missed you all so much.

    Reshi….I just want to give you a big hug for real and just hold you while you cry. I so totally know how you feel about having women friends. I feel so isolated here and so I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I could feel the weight of the world falling down on your heart and it hurt me for you. I also kow what you mean about the sisterhood here. I miss you all more than you could know when I can’t get online. I also know it is so hard to have to deal with all of these business things but it will all work out. You are so strong and courageous and I totally believe that it will all work out for YOU. I am not concerned with the x but I know it will work out for YOU. Don’t look back except to learn from where you felt you did yourself wrong other than that…..leave the past there and move forward with the new and improved….awesome Reshi who is so loved and admired. I don’t think that you realize what a HUGE inspiration you are to me and so many others. I hate that you are hurting and I just wish that I could somehow take it away. I know it is justas hard tgo thru all of what you are going thru plus hormonal crap. Just keep loving YOU and taking care of YOU. I send you a huge hug with Daria’s beautiful bouquet of flowers…I love you! XOXO

    Daria…I am so glad that you are feeling so much better. Just rememer that you loaned this man that money out of the goodness of your heart and that is never wrong. I have done the same time after time and though sometimes it gets stressful trying to get it back, it always end up working out in the end to my benefit. I so believe that when you do good things for people it will always come back to you for the good. Don’t forget reason that you helped him was because of YOUR own good heart. It will somehow all work out!!

    AG….I would be sad if you took a break from posting. I love to hear what you have to say and are feeling and I would totally miss you. You are a part of this wonderful place and it would not be the same without you.

    Heartbeat…I have misseed you!

    DocK…..you are so awesome! I think that you doing those pix was absolutely fabulous and you are such an inspiration!! I send you a huge hug and celebrate you doing them!! Don’t let anyone take away what you have done with your workouts or those photos. I think that is so totally cool!!!

    Cookie…I am so sorry that you are feeling kind of down about your man but since I have been away for a few days it seems that you have gotten so much stronger!! Now YOU are the one saying that you are too young to be dissatisfied! How cool is this??!! YAYAY for you! I celebrate this huge step forward!!

    Flipper….I loved what you wrote to Katja. I totally agree. Glad you are here!!

    Katja…..I am sorry that you felt unheard. I totally agree with Flipper on what you have been dealing with. As far as the fear of intimacy issue I would get going on reading the Self Esteem and Power series of Rori’s and you can find it on the right hand side of this site. Just folllow all of the posts and work thru each tool. I think that will help you alot to get more in touch with YOU and then you can maybe even get to the bottom of why you are afraid of intimacy. I hope that helps.

    Sorry my post was so long….I wanted to address everyone. I send out tons of hugs and lots of love to all.



  50.  #50katja on January 27, 2009 at 10:36 am

    thank you cassandra for your comment! it feels really good to be here. i just began to find out where my fear of intimacy comes from and seems it has something to do with some events in my childhood. i’m coming back later and comment on this – don’t have much time now. but i’m actually feeling stronger because i am facing my fear and i am working on it. thank you again for your help! it feels great!

    hugs to you all!



  51.  #51Cassandra on January 27, 2009 at 11:45 am

    Katja…I am so glad that you are feeling better. It is so scary to face those feelings sometimes but when I do I find that it is not as bad as thought it ws going to be and I end up stronger for doing so. I am glad that you are here and can learn the tools that Rori has come up with. This place is such a refuge for me and the women here are all amazing. I have SO FAR to go but at least am not where i was and that in itself is HUGE for me. If you can get any of Rori’s programs I would highly recommend that too. I have ReConnect Your Relationship and it has helped me so much both for ME personally and in my relationship…..I hope that helps.
    Hugs to you….
    Cassandra



  52.  #52katja on January 27, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    thank you so much again cassandra! i would love to get rori’s programs,but unfortunately i do not have a credit card (it is not that common here in germany as it is in the usa) and as far as i know i need one to pay for the programs. but i am reading as much as i can get here and i am practising the tools i found here and in the newsletter.i really do feel better a lot about myself though there is a lot of work to do.but i can do this,we all can!!!

    i had an amazing day today, i went to my favourite clothing store and bought a pair of tight jeans and felt great afterwards. that is a huge step for me because i did gain a lot of weight during the pregnancy (60 pounds) and lost a lot of confidence by gaining weight.i already have lost 30 pounds but i thought all the time i have to wear big clothes to hide my weight(and myself) under them until my “skinny clothes” from before would fit again and i would love myself again. but today i decided to feel good in my own skin and then bought tight jeans in a flashy color. i did hear my nasty voice that said “people will make fun of you when you are wearing those jeans because of your weight.you are too fat to wear tight jeans” but i told my nasty voice that i do not care anymore what people say and think and as long as i am feeling good i can wear whatever i want.and that i feel comfortable in my own skin because it is my skin and i love me. the nasty voice has been quiet since then (wow,it wasn’t that hard!).i came home and put the jeans on and looked into the mirror and i felt good and a little bit sexy,too. my boyfriend came by and said “wow,you look amazing in those jeans”. that felt great but it was more important to me that i didn’t believe the nasty voice in my head and didn’t follow her. i feel more comfortable in my own skin since i began to face my fears and building up my self-esteem.

    my fear of intimacy btw has a lot to do with my childhood and the way i was raised from my parents. i was given the feeling that i could not fulfill their expectations in me and that i wasn’t “enough”. not pretty enough,not as good in school as the wanted me to be and so on. i am not angry at them because i think they didn’t know what they did and i love them anyway. i know they love me,too,but they never told me. they showed only few emotions. i always felt not loved. they didn’t like my friends and didn’t like my taste in music etc. and so i always thought they didn’t like who i was.i thought something must be totally wrong with me and i thought i have to be different to be liked. i put a big wall around myself to protect me. i am working now on breaking down these walls and show the world the real me. there is so much work to do…
    i have to take care for my daughter now but i am looking forward on commenting again later…
    hugs to you all and it helps so much to be here and to know i am not alone…



  53.  #53Cassandra on January 28, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Katja…..This is so awesome and definitely something that you need to celebrate! This is a huge step forward!! YAYAY for you!! πŸ™‚ I struggle with that stuff too from time to time. I was so stressed back this summer that I had lost about 20 lbs without trying and all of my clothes were falling off of me…I loved the clothes being too big part but now that I am not so stressed all the time and working on me I have gained back a little bit not all of that weight. I want to get back to where I was this past summer so I can get back into a swimsuit and feel great! I will get there and so will you. Losing 30lbs is a huge deal too! Good for you! I can totally relate to the feeling not good enough stuff. being here and just being loved and totally accepted for who you are has helped me so much. Being able to work on Rori’s tools has helped alot too. I know I have a long way to go but I feel SO much better than I did several months ago so that in itself is something to celebrate! I am so happy that you told that NV where to go and moved forward to get yourself those jeans!!!
    Sending you a hug…..
    Cassandra



  54.  #54Cassandra on January 28, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    I am not even sure what to do or say anymore. I just found out for the umpteenth time that though I thought that things were going so much better I was only being a stupid fool once again. I found out this evening that he has signed up for this unbelievably disgusting site for swingers/ 3 somes/ etc. The pictures on this site or totally pornographic of these women doing things to themselves and of men doing things to them….they are very graphic….as graphic as you can get. I am disgusted and can’t stop crying. I have already thrown up 3 times and my stomach won’t stop contracting…..I am in pain in every possible way….phsically…emotionally and spiritually? There is none of that for me anymore. i give up.I have been the biggest fool to ever walk this earth and obviously not good enough for even a pig like Chalres. He has not made love to me since before my surgery which I now wish that I had never come out of yet he can sign up to screw some piece of trash like waht is on that site? That only means that I am not even good enough for that! I am not doing this anymore…for what? I have tried so hard to work on me for me and where did that get me? In the same place that I was before I starterd all of this. Ia m sorry if I am offending anyone that is so not my intention. I can’t do this anymore. Honestly I don’t want to wake up in the morning. For what? I am stuck in this house that I have poured my heart and soul into….I now have no job and there are none in this city and no posibilities in sight…there are not even any part time jobs that I could do just to fill time. I feel like Iam less than a piece of trash on the street….Charles can’t make love to me but he wants all of that?? I don’t get it?! Am I not think enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough? I don’t get it damn it!! I know that I am better than that trash on that site but why tyhe hell does he want that instead of me? I can’t do this anymore but have no where to go. How in the hell am I going to pretend that I am ok when he calls in a little while and comes home tomorrow or whenever? How do I do that excactly? I am at my sits end and have no clue what to do now. I am sorry that I am so negative or if I offended anyone. That was not my intent.



  55.  #55Daria on January 28, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    Hi Cassandra… I feel numb and concerned reading your post. You have not failed in working on yourself. I remember clearly when you first came to this site… I remember Rori told you to Beware if Charles turns back towards you… and you asked why did she say that…

    Charles is Toxic. I feel uncomfortable and judgemental but you must let go of this man. Please leave. Perhaps you can stay with family, I know some of us have offered for you to move in if need be, or perhaps you can ask your Ex to help you move (letting him know that you are unsure of whether you would like a relationship with him right now, and that you simply need help).

    His looking at porn is the LEAST of the problem with this man. His not keeping his WORD with you, NOT MARRYING YOU and WANTING YOU TO MOVE OUT HIS HOUSE is THE REAL PROBLEM.

    It does not RESPECT HIM to not MOVE OUT when he asked you to! You say sometimes that if you leave and he comes to you you will never take him back. Why? This thought limits you. Most of us who leave, circular date, and move on from our men do WISH that they would turn to us. Then perhaps we can CHOOSE to not take them back. However it would be a CHOICE open to us. Your “making this choice” before taking the steps is really avoiding HAVING that Choice in the first place.

    I FEEL ANGRY! Perhaps Charles is trying to PROTECT you by asking you to move out! Perhaps he is not the man for you, cannot fulfill you and KNOWS IT!

    Please RESPECT yourself and him and LEAVE! I feel SO ANGRY seeing you work so hard and I FEEL LIKE I AM ON EGGSHELLS because its OBVIOUS that this man is not for you!

    I feel bad to express so strongly. I hope I do not hurt you. I feel worried about you CASSANDRA. And I BELIEVE IN YOU!!

    LOVE<

    DARIA



  56.  #56cookie on January 29, 2009 at 6:31 am

    I am also feeling worried and angry too Cassandra, worried that you feel that you are offending us with your pain, worried that you are forgetting that you started this journey to become your best self, worried that you are letting this one man dictate everything even down to how you feel about yourself, and worried that you won’t continue on your bridge and do what you need to do for you and only you.

    I’m feeling angry that C has not stepped up and claimed you forever, I’m feeling angry that C has not nursed you back to health but instead is focusing his energy on his sexual needs or fantasies, I’m feeling angry that C may be pulling you along, saying that he wants you to leave so that in his mind he is eased and he can continue doing what he wants because he feels he’s told you the truth.

    I was really triggered this morning, listening to my guys sister talk about him and his other possible interactions with other women, talk about how she is going out her way to get this car for him, talk about how he references me as his girl, his babe, to the end. I was disgusted, how can a man be so comfortable that he can think that a once in a while wake up call is enough to sustain a relationship. We have no communication at all, i feel, and yet he can make a comment like that as if i would be foolish enough to wait for him while he galavants all over the bronx. We don’t make love and we have mediocre pointless sex which is why i don’t even bother. All his attempts in the past few weeks to “date” me have failed as he is always on some bs. I give up, I surrender, I open my hands and I am letting him go to do whatever he chooses to do. I have no more questions because I feel like his actions give me the answers I need.

    I feel your pain so deep in my body, I feel like crying. I feel sad that we women were never really taught how to be in a loving relationship with men, and so we draw on what we see and think and try to do do do the best that we can. But at the end, these men don’t love us, they deal with us until we move on and then they go on about their lives and deal with other women, sometimes they do it while they are with us. I feel so much anger and bitterness in me right now because I know that everything that my guy is and has is from the love and support I gave him over the years, when I met him he was only dreaming about these things and with me has made it all possible. I love my healing powers, I am the salve that heals even the deepest wounds. I also know that I don’t have to nor do i choose to live this way anymore. I know that it isn’t loving myself to work so hard to heal others while leaving my own wounds unattended. I decided to stop, at least when men are concerned.

    I feel so much kinship for you Cassandra, and I send you much love and hugs. And I hope you continue writing and sharing as I know that noone hear is judging you. Be well.

    Cookie



  57.  #57heartbeat on January 29, 2009 at 6:51 am

    I feel frustrated and helpless. My hope is that every woman here can ask herself ‘do I even LIKE this man, let alone love him’ and if not, move on without drama.

    Cos at the end of the day, it’s about US deciding if what’s in front of us is what we want, and if there is ENOUGH in front of us to feel appreciative of. And to fill our lives with ingredients that are interesting, absorbing and fulfilling.

    I don’t want mine, or any woman’s, life to be about feeling anguish over a man’s choice of words or actions. Rori’s way is so clear – feels good = get your tank filled up; feels bad = turn a 180, move away.



  58.  #58heartbeat on January 29, 2009 at 6:53 am

    I want to be supportive AND I want to leave space for every woman to heal herself. There is no shortcut for DOING the Tools. XXX



  59.  #59katja on January 29, 2009 at 8:55 am

    hi everyone!
    cassandra-it felt great to read your first comment and i would like to let you (and all women here) know that i am feeling so much better. i am practising leaning back and focusing on me but being warm and open at the same time and yesterday my boyfriend came towards me and opened up like he didn’t in a long time and we talked. i used mainly feeling messages though i have to admit it wasn’t that easy in the beginning but after a while of talking i felt like we were connected again. such an amazing feeling! he even talked in feeling messages then,too. i hadn’t expected that! πŸ™‚
    (btw about loosing weight i just want to let you know that i am doing weight watchers and it works well for me)

    ok,but now to your second post – i feel so sad for you.but even if you feel at your lowest now and consider even to give up,i want to tell you that you are on the right path and please keep on working with the tools! it is so neccessary to not give up now. and don’t beat yourself up. please do not call yourself a fool! you are a loveable person and you are more than enough in every way. i would like to reach out for your hand and to hug you and just tell you to not stop working on feeling better about yourself. please focus on yourself again and do something really nice for yourself that makes you feel better.

    i am sending you lots of love and i hope you do not stop writing…



  60.  #60Cassandra on January 29, 2009 at 10:03 am

    Daria, Cookie and Heartbeat….thank you for your concern. I am just so totally numb and feel that I can’t say what I am really feeling here or process things in my own way anymore. Daria…you did not offend me at all Love. I just appreciate your concern. I am leaving here as soon as I can. I have no family or friends here but I have a friend in Atlanta that is checking to see if he can find something that may work for me temporarily. I won’t know about that until I hear from him later on today. My ex is not an option as he is as controlling as Charles is. I got some boxes early this morning and have begun to pack things that I don’t need everyday. I have to be careful how I handle this as I want to leave when C is on the road so that he does not know I am leaving…so far he knows nothing and just called to check on me…how kind of him. That was sarcasm for anyone that missed that. Cookie…I also feel a connection to you as well and hate that you are going thru what youa re going thru. Your guy reminds me in ways of Charles in that he does what HE wants when HE wants and with whom HE wants and to hell with your feelings. I HATE that for you and wherever I go I just want to scoop you up and take you with me. YOu deserve so much better. Just like Reshi said the other day..I am enraged that so many awesome amazing women are in such agony and pain all at the hand of a stupid man. It infuriates me.

    Katja….i am thrilled for you Sweetie. You are doing so great and look at the awesome results you are getting! Keep it up Love!!! Thank you also for your concern and encouragement. I just feel numb and kind of like I am looking at everything thru a glass…like I am on the outside. Autopilot I suppose. Like everything else I will get thru this. I really am happy for you and please keep doing the tools and taking care of YOU!

    I love you all.



  61.  #61heartbeat on January 29, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Cassandra – autopilot can feel good, your inner woman taking you where you need to be. I feel relieved hearing you are making plans. I don’t have an opinion about Charles, and I’m glad you are moving forward. Autopilot got me to a better place when I needed it. A person faints so the body can regain equilibrium – I believe it is the same with emotional overload. A hug and kiss from me! XOXO

    Katja, I’m joyful for you too! I hve been following your posts even though I haven’t responded.

    I keep wanting to apologise for not replying to everyone!



  62.  #62Daria on January 30, 2009 at 1:19 am

    Cassandra I feel glad… I send you love and sustenance and all my support. And a big flower hug.

    I love you.

    Daria.



  63.  #63Cassandra on January 30, 2009 at 9:10 am

    Daria and Heartbeat….thanks guys. I am kind of bummed out that I have not heard from my friend regarding Atlanta. Right now that seems like my only option to get out of here immediately. I can stay here if need be but it will be REALLY hard to pretend that I am ok knowing what I know especially when Charles goes out and then does not come home until 2:00am. I will definitely be thinking that he was at the swingers events that he signed up to receive info about on their website or at some porn event…even if he is not there I will think that he is and that is not good for ME. He has been calling to check on me more than usual which confirms his guilt. I am just trying to focus on me and getting out of here as fast and as quietly as I can. I do not want him to know that I know what I do or that I am leaving as he could make things quite difficult for me. I have gotten alot done as far as packing stuff that I don’t need everyday but until I know where I am going and when I can’t finish out my plan. it is hard too in that when he has called to check on me he is the same as usual…calling me the little nicknames that he always has and he seems so kind and loving but I am trying to remember that he is NOT a good, honest, trustworthy man. I am trying to keep conversations short tho. I am having a little trouble too in wanting to know if he is on that site in his downtime but I am trying to not think about that because whether he is or is not it will hurt me either way. It is hard for me to look at him now and feel the love that I did for so long. Now I feel disgust….I feel repulsed….I feel sick when I look at his picture. I guess for the time being that is a good thing but I am still hurting.
    I love you guys and Daria…I love my flower hug!!
    XOXO
    Cassandra



  64.  #64alias girl on January 30, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    i feel triggered. i often to do not check the back posts so i do not find out what is happening back here right away.

    ugh. i feel horrible. i feel horrible. i feel compassion for cassandra. i feel complete and utter compassion. and also a little traumatized. i feel frozen and sad. very sad.
    πŸ™

    i also feel hopeful bc it truly is the straw that broke the camel’s back. some men (and women) like “open” relationships and swingying and partner swaps and all of that. and that, in and of itself, is fine with me. i mean fine with me FOR THEM. their choices for themselves. it’s not something i am desiring for myself but i can reserve judgement on people’s choices. (so long as they are not harming other people who are not agreeing to the same things)

    however, c is duplicitous and pretending to be monogamous. and setting up false pretenses.

    i feel really hollowed out and upset.

    cassandra. please take care of yourself. we are with you in mind and spirit. ask for the answers. ask yourself, or your higher power, or god or whatever you believe in. ask: What Do I Do Now? then be still. and in the space. and in the silence the best, highest answer will come to you.

    i feel sad. i also feel joy. because this gives cassandra a true chance at true joy. clarity has arrived. no more guessing.

    some people like to swing and lie and deceive. some people do not. different strokes.

    i feel sad.



  65.  #65Cassandra on February 12, 2009 at 9:56 am

    Alias Girl…..
    Pleas accept my sincere apologies that I am just now getting back to you regarding this post. I actually just got it. I am so sorry. Things here have been so busy for me and Charles has been home most of this week and I have not had a moment to post or even read anything other than the original page…..the Ask your Questions page and even that I feel so far behind on so I am truly sorry. Your post meant a great deal to me as I could feel your compassion and anger almost at C doing waht he has done but I also felt the joy that you mentioned in that this really has been the straw that broke the camel’s back and about me having a chance at happiness. Thank you for that. It is hard in that his actions in signing up for that swinging sight really have been a turning point for me in so many ways and have really opened my eyes to see who he REALLY is. I am struggling though in that I KNOW that I will never have what it is that I truly want with him but yet I can’t turn off my feelings…..my love for him in the flick of a switch. I wish that I could. He has been home alot more lately which I have loved and we have truly had some beautiful moments of really connecting but it is so hard because this is all in the back of my mind…him signing up for that sight. so I can’t really lean back and enjoy it as I know that he is not real with me and is not telling me the truth when he tells me that I am his best friend or that he does want a life with me. This really hurts me to the core and I can feel myself dying inside little by little when anything good or bad happens with him. As far as me potentially moving…I have no idea where that stands. It may not even be an option anymore for me. I don’t know. Right now I feel overwhelmed and that there is too much going on right now for me to do anything either way so I am doing nothing…because I can’t. Maybe later today I will feel different but right now this is where I am at. Thank you again for your beautiful post and for your caring heart. I have truly missed you AG!! I send you so much love!
    XOXOXO
    Cassandra