Intimacy Starts With You

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When you don’t feel loved, honored, cared for, appreciated – how do you say that to your man?

If I made it a game for you, where you couldn’t vent, or yell, or complain, or make him wrong – or even say the word “you” to him – how would you say it?

In the most truthful, fully expressed way possible?

Write it out for yourself (and post it here if you like) – and then TRANSLATE it into Feeling Messages.

Just rework what you instinctively want to say – how you want to hurl your upset at him – and write it all in POETRY, from your heart.

Make it only from you, sharing your feeling state and not linking it at ALL to what has happened or what he’s done or not done, or who he seems to be or not be….

And what if there is no man right now?

If you’re Circular Dating and finding that “intimacy” is about your intimacy with YOU much of the time?

It’s the question: “How can I feel sexy, or lovely, or desirable, or “intimate” if there’s no man here to feel that with?”

And the answer – if you really ask yourself – has to be: All this has to happen inside ME, first.

Love has to circulate in your OWN inner system before you can fully experience it in relationship with the world – otherwise what happens is:

We intellectually take in that there’s a man, in relationship with us. We think our way through it, we experience the physical aspects of it to some degree, we experience emotionality to some degree – but all the depth, all of the REAL experience just slips by us.

We make assumptions about what’s going on.  About who we are, about who he is, and about what this is supposed to look like.

We ignore inner voices that are telling us that this is all for US to “make up” however we wish to “make it up” – and steadfastly choose to see things as we always have.

We assume that a lack of “chemistry” at the beginning of knowing a man means “love” isn’t possible.

We assume “true love” is what it’s like in the movies, without considering that perhaps it looks and feels completely different in OUR real life.

We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.

We judge all kinds of things – and the more power we give to our image of a man – the less power we give ourselves to feel, organically, what feels right for us –  instead of what we “think” is right for us.

Intimacy is where it’s at – so how can you FEEL a sense of intimacy when there’s no man in your life at the moment, or the man in your life just doesn’t feel emotionally intimate to you?

For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them.

How about you?

Love, Rori

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1 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Like.



  2.  #2April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:04 am

    ‘Intimacy’ is such a huge unknown for me.

    I like breaking the word into
    INTO ME SEE



  3.  #3Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:04 am

    “We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment”. Like



  4.  #4Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:06 am

    “For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them”. Like



  5.  #5Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:06 am

    RE 2 Like



  6.  #6Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 7:06 am

    FW,

    You beat me! I wanted first comment!! 🙂



  7.  #7April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:07 am

    “Make it only from you, sharing your feeling state and not linking it at ALL to what has happened or what he’s done or not done, or who he seems to be or not be….”

    I’m worried that I put my new man right off me yesterday. Even if he’s gone now, I’ve learned something of huge magnitude.

    This dance of feminine and maculine energy –
    So, so very subtle.
    I had no idea.

    So many subtle masculine traits are ingrained in my habits.
    I was ‘teasing’ EM (a masculine energy man) about my personality and how it could affect him (we’ve been out on about six dates). I was making ‘shrewd’ comments about his personality.
    I ‘saw’ him being repelled. I had ‘thought’ I was being in feminine, playful energy.

    Lesson – don’t talk about ‘him’ unless it’s to express the good things I feel in his presence.



  8.  #8April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:09 am

    I’m finding that to ease the terror of losing control (which is what makes me hang onto my masculine behaviour?) I can choose to give it over to the man. Scary but thrilling.
    Switching into my feminine energy, I give him the reins and I lean back and feel, and then I’m not grasping for control at all.

    Surrender is a very NEW thing to me, and oh my god the pull to go back into my old ways of relating are almost irresistible.



  9.  #9lk on January 9, 2012 at 7:11 am

    LOL i forget what i was even doing, but CDcd asked me, ” Is that a little fear of intimacy ? ” & i was like … “hmmmm…. lol… maybe : ) ” but i’m being much more open & comfortable with affection lately : )

    & also CDcd is getting more bxllsy LOL we went to the market & he took my hand on the way in & i tried to shake him off, laughing, but he held on tighter, re-gripped me, & intertwined fingers ! LOL & i was like, oh, actually, it’s nice to have you not let me shake you off : )))



  10.  #10lk on January 9, 2012 at 7:14 am

    “We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.”

    This is a great line, Rori : )



  11.  #11Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:20 am

    April Rose I interpret focus on myself as talking about me. Talking about him seems to be focussing on him. What do you think? Did you use “that feels”?



  12.  #12Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I try to sink into myself and say “I feel unheard” “I feel like I am a talking post” “I feel I can’t get a word in edgewise”. “I feel sad we can’t seem to connect” “I am here with you and I am feeling lonely and I don’t like to feel that way with you”. “I don’t feel respected”. “I fel unloved, untouched”. “I feel like a flower that gets wilted when there is no attention” “I am just a girl here and I feel bad and turned off when I am not getting attention. I don’t want to feel that way with you. Is there anything we can do about it? What do you think?”



  13.  #13Lizka on January 9, 2012 at 7:27 am

    lk

    “Hi, Lizka !

    hmm… i hear you saying that your dream gave you the feeling that the Old Loves weren’t Right anymore…. & that trying to make them Fit is making you Backward on your Horse instead of Forward…. : ) i see you meeting new men who are entirely different than what you’ve been accustomed to…. but you have to turn around on your horse, detach from Old Men, get facing the Right direction… to be able to See the new ones : )

    what do you think ?

    Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:52am”

    Wow thank you!! It does make sense!! And I love it. It feels super hopeful and it’s a good message. Thank you so much. 🙂



  14.  #14Gazelle on January 9, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Along the lines of Rori’s question, does anyone have ideas on how I could express to my partner that I want him to care more about my sexual satisfaction? It is such a delicate matter with him. He has a much lower drive than me, and even when we are intimate, he does not really focus on my satisfaction. It probably has to do with his low self confidence in this area, so I’ll want to tread *very* carefully whatever I say…

    Many thanks to all! I don’t post often but I read and learn so much.



  15.  #15Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:27 am

    I feel a deeply longing to fully surrender into a relationship where I feel safe, cherished and taken care of.



  16.  #16April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:29 am

    FW,
    Example: He said “Im smarter than I look, you know”. I answered “Yes, you’re way too smart for me. I saw that in the beginning”.
    I can’t help the way I relate! It’s part of my personality, surely?
    I’m annoyed about having to censor it and watch my words.



  17.  #17Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Did you know that EVERYTHING is energy? Energy exists all around you. It exists as thoughts and feelings that you and others project.

    You are an amazing energy-sensing device. You can sense energy in many ways. The more you can sense energy, the more you can hear your inner guidance and your higher wisdom. You can even sense the energy from your future self.

    Your future self is constantly sending thoughts and pictures to you about what is in your future. It is important to become conscious of the images that you are experiencing. If you are holding negative thoughts and images in your mind, do this process to become more magnetic to what you desire.

    1.Stop and monitor the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing.
    2.Surround yourself in love and light and project a healing image of yourself now and in the future.
    3.Imagine connecting with a part of you that is in the future. You might be able to sense the energy, see an image of your future self, or even hear him/her. This takes practice. Pay attention and be silent. As you think intently about something, you will begin to receive guidance, ideas, and new thoughts about it.
    4.Assume an attitude of confidence and trust that all is well (because it really is).
    As you connect with a future self that is living a positive and loving future, you will create those feelings of peace and harmony in your now. That will make you magnetic to your heart’s desires.

    Have a fantastic magnetic week.

    Much love,

    To see all Magnetic Monday info: http://www.christywhitman.com/blog



  18.  #18Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:35 am

    April Rose are you saying that you feel annoyed about Choose your Words?

    I answered “Yes, you’re way too smart for me. I saw that in the beginning”. If I could switch hats for a minute and be the man when this interaction occurred I would think “hhhmmm she already has me on a pedestal, she doesn’t think much of herself now why would I want to be with a lower status woman? What is wrong with her? There has to be something wrong with her. She looks hot but there has to be something wrong with her.”



  19.  #19Jilly on January 9, 2012 at 7:36 am

    I love this post…yes

    We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.

    Wow…so true for me…hmmm….



  20.  #20Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:38 am

    April Rose I am wondering if instead you could have said “I feel intrigued, tell me more” or “I feel curious tell me more”. What were you feeling when he said that?



  21.  #21April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:39 am

    “I feel a deeply longing to fully surrender into a relationship where I feel safe, cherished and taken care of.”

    I experienced this on Saturday.
    We were sitting in his car on the edge of a country town at twilight. EM wrapped my up in his arms, tilted my face to look at him. I’d been hours in his company, in my purely sensual, responsive, feeling and melty way. I was extremely turned on physically too.
    I looked up and could see the glint of his steely eye lit softly by a streetlamp.
    “I feel so safe with you”, I sighed…



  22.  #22Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 7:42 am

    April Rose,

    RE: #15 – I so relate! I am cringeing, reading your posts, as I recall what I said to Ryan the other night on the phone. We were discussing him leading me on yet again, and he claimed he wasn’t aware that would have any effect on me beyond a discussion about romance and sex. I said, “Come on, Ryan! You’re not stupid!”

    I have told him in the past he has genius level intelligence. He said, “I don’t like that at all! So you’re calling me stupid!”

    I said, “No, I’m not! I said you’re NOT stupid!”

    R: “But if I did that not knowing better, then the implication is that I’m stupid!”

    B: Well, I apologize, because that is NOT what I meant. I already told you you are one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. I just meant like when you play dumb with your parents sometimes.

    R: I feel insulted again. I don’t play dumb with my parents.

    I apologized again and backed out of the conversation feeling exasperated. I am convinced that he knows what he’s doing when he leads me into a conversation like that. I feel at a loss how to combat it.



  23.  #23April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:46 am

    “April Rose I am wondering if instead you could have said “I feel intrigued, tell me more” or “I feel curious tell me more”. What were you feeling when he said that?”

    AAAGH! OF COURSE.
    I could open it up to hear more from him. Yes I *was* intrigued.

    I SHUT HIM DOWN by making my own judgement and trying to be playfully sassy – I tried to impress him.

    Even tho’ the way I said it implied that I was smart for figuring out that he was way smarter. So, I didn’t feel I was diminishing my status. But it all sounds thinky and double-edged now that I look at it.

    “I feel curious. Tell me more…” BRILLIANT.
    I will definitely remember this one. Thanks FW!



  24.  #24April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Or even just “I feel curious when you talk like that…”

    ‘Tell me more’ is maybe too much of a command for this man!!



  25.  #25Aurora Girl on January 9, 2012 at 7:47 am

    comfort with intimacy with myself and others….

    will always be a work in progress for me…

    because I keep reaching new levels….and seeing that there is more….

    xo



  26.  #26Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 7:47 am

    That’s why I can’t feel fully feminine with him, because I DON’T feel safe. I can’t relax because I don’t trust him. I feel like I have to be hypervigilant to be sure I am not hurt. That is not healthy.

    Because I am remembering early moments with Ryan, when I felt total trust, when I just freely opened my heart, even before I started listening to Rori’s materials. I did operate in more feminine energy then.

    At this stage, after all the hurts, I feel I need to guard my heart and watch every move he makes. That is why I ask him questions. The relationship is way too lopsided. He knows every corner and shadow of my heart, while I know little about him.

    Most of our relationship was spent with him asking me questions and me answering them. He talked far more in the last week or so than he did in 2009.

    I feel deeply confused and mistrustful. I love his company, and I always get hurt when I’m around him.



  27.  #27light heart on January 9, 2012 at 7:48 am

    April Rose: “I can’t help the way I relate! It’s part of my personality, surely?
    I’m annoyed about having to censor it and watch my words.”

    I know, it does sometimes feel uncomfortable to get out of your comfort zone of all the old familiar patterns, and staying in, but that’s just the way I am.
    mode.

    but lots of times we are doing that stuff only because that’s the way we always did it, even if it doesn’t work too well. Lots of times we’re just being clever in order to get something or look a certain way, rather than being real, come what may, not attached to outcome.

    It helps me to really get and stay on board with the deeper intentions behind why it is much better to keep the focus on you, staying out of his business….the theory/philosophy behind it all, your mission statement, that you don’t want a superficial relationship, you want intimacy and depth, like in Rori’s reply to Sunshine in the last thread.

    so then you actually look forward to observing yourself very closely and pausing before you speak, to be able to communicate what is really going on for you.

    It makes it easier to turn it into your normal way of being, although it may feel unnatural at first.

    🙂

    light heart



  28.  #28Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:50 am

    “I feel like I am in a crowded room with no space to breathe”



  29.  #29Liz on January 9, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Hi
    I like the yearning familiarity vs contentment piece also…
    I wonder what is yearning?
    FW talks about longing to surrender into a safe relationship….

    is desire yearning? Are the hot flames of desire when I hugged accountantCD in the woods yearning or a longing to surrender to his masculinity, to yield to him and allow him to bring me bliss?

    Here is the definition from dictionary of yearning: and it shows that there is an archaic version that more closely mirrors what FW and I are talking about

    yearning have an intense feeling of loss or lack and longing for something
    archaic:



  30.  #30Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 7:52 am

    LK,

    RE: #1592 from the “Are you smarter than him?” thread. Wow, LK, thank you for that! That really helps! I think you just gave me my answer…I want to continue to be his friend.



  31.  #31Liz on January 9, 2012 at 7:53 am

    archaic definition of yearning:

    be filled with compassion or warm feeling….

    so i feel like Rori’s post actually addresses both meanings of this word…..
    when we are being intimate with ourselves and feeling ourselves fully, we are actually filled with yearning….
    archaic meaning

    and when we are disconnected from ourselves and feeling ourselves lacking and looking outside ourselves for love, then we are filled with a longing for something we perceive we lack…..

    but i feel like we are all love

    all the time
    and i want to feel like i am making love to the world every day and every moment with the power of my love and my femininity.



  32.  #32Liz on January 9, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Hi Daria

    I got what you were saying about my post and i felt an old wound get opened up when i read your post….
    i do feel insecure sometimes here on the blog, because of my own family, that my posts are not read or that i don’t matter, so thanks for bringing that to light for me….
    i feel I will receive healing on this….
    love liz



  33.  #33April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Thank you Light Heart

    “…so then you actually look forward to observing yourself very closely and pausing before you speak, to be able to communicate what is really going on for you.”

    Yes, to allow myself to take that pause.
    ‘The Luscious Pause’ I think I’ll call it.



  34.  #34light heart on January 9, 2012 at 7:57 am

    because it can feel scary to be vulnerable and real and not worry about how he is going to perceive you when you express what is truly happening for you, without blaming him. Especially when it comes to the most triggering stuff, and sticking to what you want for yourself and your life.

    🙂
    light heart



  35.  #35Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Ha I just remembered something. 3 years ago when I got a new boss he keep doing and saying things to make me feel safe with him. When I spoke about him with colleagues I used to say “I feel fearful and mistrustful of him because he makes me feel like I am sitting on a sofa that completely wraps itself around me allowing me to sink into it as it conforms itself to my shape. It feels too comfortable”.



  36.  #36light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:00 am

    27
    That feels poetic, FW

    🙂
    light heart



  37.  #37light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:02 am

    be careful, though, Brenda,
    of hurtling back into caretaking
    of other’s emotions role

    you’re going for a healthy balance,
    and being friends still may not be
    best….right now

    fwiw

    🙂
    light heart



  38.  #38April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 8:04 am

    @ Brenda 21

    Hi Brenda,
    What do you think about the conclusions I’ve come to regarding the cringey episode? That the lesson is this:
    * Do NOT make reference to ‘him’ UNLESS it is to express the GOOD things I feel about MYSELF when I’m with him.

    Shall we go buddies on this practice and see what happens?



  39.  #39light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Hi Liz,

    I see ‘yearning’ as the enjoyment of the process of attaining a desire. that’s where the juice is. if you ever noticed, once you get something, the thrill of having actually gotten it goes away, and you’re looking for the next ‘object’ to set your site on, and re-experience that again. not much different than the thrill of the chase.

    Contentment is where you’re perfectly happy with things exactly the way they are, with the way you are, with the way they are, with no need to chase or change anything. your complete happiness comes from being able to rest in that self-knowledge that you are whole and complete. what a relief!

    that’s why the inner authenticity work that we do is so powerful, getting in touch with how you really feel, so you can have insight into what’s driving you.

    (of course this doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t take care of yourself by eating well, having boundaries, etc.)

    🙂

    light heart



  40.  #40light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:14 am

    April Rose…
    …The Luscious Pause….
    that sounds perfect as a touchstone phrase!

    🙂
    light heart



  41.  #41Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Liz says “I feel like we are all love”. I love it.



  42.  #42light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:17 am

    38
    so, by and large, we chase desires because we don’t feel whole and complete. feeling whole and complete doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be the icing on the cake to have a great man for my partner, but I don’t want the desire to consume me. if you think about it, that is what the Rori work is much about.

    🙂
    light heart



  43.  #43light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Yearning is also about the desire to know yourself as whole and complete, which is the best desire (imo)

    🙂
    light heart



  44.  #44lk on January 9, 2012 at 8:26 am

    38

    ooh i like the “yearning” —- i think of “yearning” in general as a love for Love(god)(omnipresence) …. like … there is a poem by Hafiz… i’ll paraphrase:

    we are like violins
    once held against the breast of god.
    that lingering heat
    perfectly explains this constant yearning.



  45.  #45Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Light Heart,

    RE: #36 – Thanks for your feedback. Here is what I am thinking of saying, which I got off EMK’s website in an article he wrote:

    “I really, really care about you and have very much enjoyed our time together. But as amazing as I think you are, I’m not really getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend buddy. I want a boyfriend. And it’s become increasingly clear to me that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not hurt or offended, but I need to find someone who wants a relationship. Good luck in your search.”

    And then WALK.

    If he follows, he’s your boyfriend.

    If he doesn’t, he’s exactly who you thought he was. And you saved yourself another nine months of wasted time with a commitment-phobe. Use it well.

    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-long-should-i-wait-for-him-to-commit-to-me/2/#.TwsVfnrcAxp

    I wonder what would happen if I said this to him? And if I choose to say it, should I say it via text, phone, or in person??



  46.  #46lk on January 9, 2012 at 8:28 am

    but the yearning shouldn’t be suffering… not like insatiable hunger…… more like magnetism ? …. it should be inspiration to recognize the Healing Truth that total, universal, infinite intimacy is always already in place : )



  47.  #47Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:29 am

    LK,

    RE: #45 – I second that! Ryan has left me suffering.



  48.  #48light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:31 am

    nice, lk

    yes…
    longing with deep tenderness
    to know ourselves more fully…
    as Love (god)

    🙂
    light heart



  49.  #49Liz on January 9, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Has anyone yearned to have a baby?
    I am feeling into what light heart said about yearning being wanting to get something….

    i felt a longing to bring my son into this world and at the same time it felt like contentment, like he was already with me…..

    so when i birthed him in the springtime, i was open to receiving him and all his baby love and that was the HUGEST heart opening i have ever experienced……

    so that was a desire to fulfill a dream or to become a mother, when i already felt that he was already here….

    so I also wonder about my desire for accountantCD, since he is not here on a day to day basis, except for across the street from me on his computer and I am on mine….
    i feel so at peace with it, I feel so alive feeling the juicy feelings and the heat and i have this inner knowing that i am already complete and if the universe does not bring me accountantCd, then it will be something better….is this yearning or is this inner knowing….
    i don’t know, but i feel like i have arrived to a safe space where i feel comfortable feeling desire and feeling receptive to masculine energy and even though i feel complete, i feel that surrendering in a safe space will allow even more love to come through me….
    well, i must go for my daily walk in the woods and get to work on cleaning and putting together a brochure for my new business….
    have a great day, sirens!



  50.  #50lk on January 9, 2012 at 8:33 am

    & i don’t want to feel “yearning” for a man. i want to feel connection & support & curiosity & exploration

    i want to feel the gentlest of Yearning for Truth, Omniscience, Omnipresence, Peace… i want to feel gently drawn along…. in a way where i feel Content, like no suffering… but not Content, like forgetting about learning & paying attention & practicing yoking myself to a discipline of Love



  51.  #51Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Here is how I best characterize my relationship with Ryan. And I have always HATED this song:

    Strumming My Pain

    Strumming my pain with his fingers
    Singing my life with his words
    Killing me softly with his song, telling my whole life with his words
    Killing me softly with his song…

    I heard he sang a good song
    I heard he had a style
    And so I came to see him
    And let him sing for a while
    And there he was this young one
    Stranger to my eyes

    Strumming my pain with his fingers
    Singing my life with his words
    Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
    Telling my whole life with his words killing me softly with his song

    I felt all flushed with fever.
    And I rest by the crowed
    I felt he found my letters andread each one out loud
    I prayed that he would finish
    But he just kept right on

    Strumming my pain with his fingers
    Singing my life with his words
    Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
    Telling my whole life with his words killing me softly with his song

    Oh ah ah oh
    Woah ah oh ah ah
    La la la la la la oh ah ah
    Oh oh la ah ah ah
    La ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

    Strumming my pain with his fingers, yes
    He was singing my life with his words.
    Killing me softly with his song. Killing me softly with his words, Telling my whole life with his words
    Killing me softly… with his song..



  52.  #52light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Brenda,

    re 44

    that post of EMK’s helped me too,
    and I had to tell JCD the same thing.

    and then stop making excuses for him
    and let the chips fall where they may.

    If he comes back, fine, but you can’t put
    your life on hold waiting for that.

    god knows better than we do, and there
    is something better in store for you
    if you make the space for it.

    I would say that if you can get him
    in person, that is always best.

    I support you in communicating this
    to R, Brenda.

    🙂

    light heart



  53.  #53Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:37 am

    My yearning with Ryan is so intense that it is constant pain. He keeps renewing the pain by leading me on, then letting me be in pain more. It is evil.



  54.  #54Liz on January 9, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Thanks light heart for the post re abraham….
    i will check it out!

    lk
    I am loving what you wrote about not wanting yearning for a man, but wanting contentment and peace….

    may it be so



  55.  #55Sondra on January 9, 2012 at 8:44 am

    I feel curious about who I will meet now that I am determined to stop focusing all of my energy on a guy who does not love me! I do not want to feel like I am chasing a man! I feel frisky! 😉



  56.  #56Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Light Heart,

    RE: #51 – I am also playing with the idea of going another direction with it:

    “Ryan, I really really care about you and have very much enjoyed our time together. And as amazing as I think you are, I promised myself that if our friendship became hurtful like it was in 2009, I would not stay in it. It is extremely damaging to my heart to be repeatedly led on and let down. And I’m not really getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend buddy. I want a boyfriend. And it’s become increasingly clear to me that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not offended, but I need to find someone who wants a HEALTHY relationship. Good luck in your search.’

    I might do this…still considering it.

    And then WALK.



  57.  #57light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Brenda,
    maybe you could shift the focus from
    trying to get your feeling of wholeness
    and completeness from R to yourself.
    It is all already there, within.

    Your relationship with him as it is,
    is perfect (sans your suffering).

    You suffer because you aren’t
    getting what you think you want, but
    keep yearning after it, but you’re really
    barking up the wrong tree. any of us who
    are hung up on any man, are doing the
    same thing.

    Tell him in person if you can stick to it
    and not backtrack, but if not, over the phone.

    🙂

    light heart



  58.  #58April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Brenda,

    I hear bitterness in your feelings right now.
    I would say wait a while unless you WANT the bitterness to show.



  59.  #59Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Sondra I am with you. One of my New Years resolution is that I will be voting for myself in every moment. I experimented with it yesterday and I said “I have committed this year to remove myself from any environment where I don’t feel loved and respected”. The response was unbelievably moving and I felt like I had lost 50 lbs. I felt so liberated after.



  60.  #60Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:53 am

    April Rose,

    RE: #37 – Awww, thank you! Yes! I felt really warm reading “shall we go buddies on this?” I have tried to do that with Ryan, and I’ve been very good about it.

    My first mistake was initiating the other night. My second was not having a script in front of me. I have some deep-seated anger toward him because I was so deeply wounded in 2009, something that took close to two years to start feeling normal and okay again.

    And it’s starting again.



  61.  #61light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:53 am

    55 Brenda,
    I’d leave the explaining/reasoning out

    Ryan, I really really care about you and have very much enjoyed our time together.

    I’m not really getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend buddy. I want a deep intimate relationship leading to marriage.

    And it’s become increasingly clear to me that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not offended, but I need to find someone who wants a HEALTHY relationship. Good luck in your search.’



  62.  #62Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I LOVE this song!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAGzW0UkmCw&feature=colike

    Look around you, look up here
    Take time to make time
    Make time to be there
    Look around, be a part
    Feel for the winter
    But don’t have a cold heart

    And I love you best
    You’re not like the rest
    You’re there when I need you
    You’re there when I need
    I’m gonna need you

    A long time ago
    I had a lady to love
    She made me think of things
    I never thought of
    Now she’s gone and I’m on my own
    A love song has come into my mind
    A love song
    It was there all the time

    So lady
    Let me take a look at you now
    You’re there on the dance floor
    Making me want you somehow
    Oh lady
    I think it’s only fair
    I should say to you
    Don’t be thinkin’ that I don’t want you
    ‘Cause maybe I do

    [Instrumental Interlude]

    Look around, come to me
    I have no answers
    But know where I wanna be
    I look around, play a part
    I was born in the winter
    And cooled by a warm heart

    And I love you best
    You’re not like the rest
    You’re there when I need you
    You’re there when I need
    I’m gonna need you

    So lady
    Let me take a look at you now
    You’re there on the dance floor
    Making me want you somehow
    Oh lady
    I think it’s only fair I should say to you
    Don’t be thinkin’ that I don’t want you
    ‘Cause maybe I do
    Don’t be thinkin’ that I don’t want you
    Lady I do



  63.  #63light heart on January 9, 2012 at 8:58 am

    oh i’d also leave out the part about finding someone who wants a healthy relationship, that’s insulting, and sounds bitter, like April Rose said.
    It’s OK to keep things short. The less said, the better, just get your point across. you’ve got to wash this guy out of your hair 😉

    🙂
    light heart



  64.  #64Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Light Heart,

    RE: #60 – I understand why you are saying that…and yet I feel a need to let him know that it IS an issue. I don’t know. I’ll think about it. I need to get on the road to run an important errand. Should have already left.



  65.  #65light heart on January 9, 2012 at 9:01 am

    OK, I’ve got to go and take care of me now.

    omg, I can’t believe all the mistakes I made
    explaining, blaming, insulting, making them wrong

    well, i did a lot of good, too

    no matter what,

    I love me anyway

    because I don’t have to be or do anything to be valuable and worthy

    🙂

    light heart



  66.  #66Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 9:03 am

    April Rose and Light Heart,

    Thank you SO MUCH for your feedback. You really help me to stay on track. You are right.

    Maybe I could say, This is so unhealthy for me to feel forever alone in a dark theater after the romance movie is over.

    Maybe that sounds more about me and my wellbeing?



  67.  #67Sondra on January 9, 2012 at 9:06 am

    While we are posting songs – this one is helping me right now – it is so true of my relationship with Gary and it helps me keep it in perspective – I LOVE the last two verses”

    “I move on like a sinners prayer
    I let go like a levee breaks
    Walk away as if I don’t care
    Learn to shoulder my mistakes

    I’m built to fade like your favorite song
    Gettin’ reckless when there’s no need
    Laugh as your stories ramble on
    Break my heart, but it won’t bleed

    My only friends are pirates
    That’s just who I am
    But I’m better as a memory than as your man

    Never sure when the truth won’t do
    I’m pretty good on a lonely night
    I move on the way a storm blows through
    And never stay, but then again, I might.

    I struggle sometimes to find the words
    Always sure until I doubt
    Walk a line until it blurs
    Buildin’ walls too high to climb out

    But I’m honest to a fault
    That’s just who I am
    I’m better as a memory than as your man

    I see you leaning, you’re bound to fall
    I don’t want to be that mistake
    I’m just a dreamer and nothing more
    You should know it before it gets too late

    Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
    You never know where they’re gonna land
    First you’re spinning, then you’re standing still
    Left holding a losing hand

    But one day you’re gonna find someone
    And right away you’ll know it’s true
    That all of your seekin’s done
    It’s just a part of the passing through

    Right there in that moment
    You’ll finally understand
    That I was better as a memory than as your man
    Better as a memory than as your man”

    ~ Kenny Chesney



  68.  #68Jennifer on January 9, 2012 at 9:08 am

    I just found this site and am so glad I did. My relationship just ended and I am lost, scared and alone. I feel as if I am nothing and never will find real love. So am hopeful that this site will help me find the advice I need to believe in myself again and possible find a love that is for real this time around.



  69.  #69Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Sondra maybe I am in a judgemental mindset right now but the only song that keeps ringing my head is “Why do fools fall in love why do they fall in love”. Going to pour some love on my judgemental shadow.



  70.  #70Francesca on January 9, 2012 at 9:20 am

    @Daria #1570 (from previous blog)

    “Francesca – awesome that you’re noticing. ok

    this is very stubtle but CRUCIAL

    when you are being silent… are you tense?

    the work is in the BODY much more than in the words…

    check your body and relax, maybe even exhale out loud, in themoment.

    think of relaxing right then and there, maybe wiggle your bottom and settle in to your chair like a HEn on an egg

    this will shift the vibe as you relax

    (tense silence is NOT where you want to be. Relaxing INTO the silence is, and you may not even want to speak anymore. but if you do, you find the feeling words AFTER you’ve done the body relaxing)”

    At first, I feel tense, waiting for an answer from him. Then I just try to relax and let my own feelings of not being heard/seen/understood sink in.

    Then I’ll just have a conversation in my head, wondering to myself if I did or said something wrong.

    In the last month or so, my man has been either tired, sick or injured, he’s not very talkative, so I’m trying hard to stay focused on my own well-being (i.e., feeling up beat and all) but I’m finding it harder and harder to remain that way. That must be why I feel a little bit tired today.

    Thanks for tip, Daria, this will be helpful in the future.



  71.  #71Francesca on January 9, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Brenda, are you familiar with the term “limerence”?

    Limerence is a term coined c. 1977 by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated. The concept grew out of Tennov’s mid-1960s work, when she interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love, and was first published in her 1979 book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love.

    Attachment theory emphasises that “many of the most intense emotions arise during the formation, the maintenance, the disruption, and the renewal of attachment relationships”.[1] It has been suggested that “the state of limerence is the conscious experience of sexual incentive motivation” during attachment formation: “a kind of subjective experience of sexual incentive motivation”[2] during the “intensive…pair-forming stage”[3] of human affectional bonding.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence



  72.  #72Mel on January 9, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Hello ladies!

    What does it mean when a man starts to talk all girly-like (lol) and use FMs? Is it just because they are imitating how we talk to them or does it mean he’s in his feminine energy and I need to lean back?

    Mr. A sent me a text this morning: “I hope the rest of your morning is really sweet like you!!! I had a very great weekend…I feel all relaxed and happy inside ; )”

    This made me feel all giggly because that sounds an awful lot like something I’d say… 🙂

    Maybe he’s just figured out I’m a big sap and that I get all gooey when I feel touched. He just wants more kisses… yup, yup!



  73.  #73lk on January 9, 2012 at 9:56 am

    @Liz

    “so I also wonder about my desire for accountantCD, since he is not here on a day to day basis, except for across the street from me on his computer and I am on mine….
    “i feel so at peace with it”

    i’m noticing that i feel disconnected when i read that you feel at peace with your thoughts of accountantCD…. I feel scared of accountantCD myself from reading the blog…. i feel like saying to him, I don’t want a relationship with a man who isn’t strong enough or trusting enough to end a relationship with someone he doesn’t see a Forever Partnership with… i feel curious about if you feel safe with him ? I feel curious about his Relationship Status ? ? I don’t want to kiss men who have girlfriends…. i don’t want to kiss men who don’t ask me on dates. i don’t want to go on dates with men who find sexual attraction (perfume) distracting from a Committed Relationship (real food)…..

    what do you think ?



  74.  #74lk on January 9, 2012 at 9:57 am

    @Mel 70

    sounds feminine to me… : ) maybe he’s exhausted from being all Manly around you all weekend : ))))))))

    He’ll Love You More If You OUTGIRL Him : )))))))))))))))



  75.  #75mali on January 9, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Hmm… On a guy’s profile, it read “I generally spend the majority of my time attempting to appear cool so that other people will like me, with varying degrees of success”

    Eww eww eww… I feel kinda turned off and unsafe reading that…



  76.  #76Lolita on January 9, 2012 at 10:22 am

    What do you do when HE says I am not listening to HIS feelings while I am expressing mine in my most Rori expressive feeling messages?
    His answer to ‘I feel so sad’ is ‘I feel like pulling away’!!! And then when I say I feel insecure, he says I didn’t listen to how HE FEELS!!! Help…?



  77.  #77April Rose on January 9, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Aw, Mali,

    Sounds to me like he’s just trying to be honest and authentic.
    It’s so hard to tell from the written word whether there is irony and humour in what someone is saying.

    I often find I’m taken too seriously on here!

    Can you give him the benefit of the doubt until you communicate further?



  78.  #78Liz on January 9, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Hi lk
    thanks….
    i am not sure why i feel at peace with it….
    i don’t now, in fact i am feeling bad about it.
    so maybe i don’t feel safe with him.
    and what you wrote is really resonating with me….that you yourself would not want a relationship with someone who is not willing to end an unsatisfying relationship or you don’t want to kiss men who don’t ask you out on dates….
    this is all true and I would not kiss him again, it just sort of happened because we ran into each other on the trail and that felt really magical….
    and i understand from my own personal experience how hard it is to break off an unsatisfying relationship, so i guess that is what i feel at peace with, that there is love in the universe for me, not necessarily with him, but with someone and it’s coming to me soon, I can feel that….
    I really appreciate your wise words, sister, that helps me watch out for myself and stop considering his predicament and my needs….
    well, i WILL go out with that guy from match.com who is asking me out….how about that?
    hugs



  79.  #79mali on January 9, 2012 at 10:32 am

    April Rose,

    I agree… and it did make me laugh. I just got this “smart” vibe from it…

    When he messaged me, his subject line was “Yet another message from yet another loser”, and the message read

    “Hi I feel you appear attractive and consequently would love the opportunity to enhance your life by means of exposure to my awesomeness kthnxbai”

    It really made me laugh a lot, and I replied, but… haven’t heard back… Bleurgh.



  80.  #80Mel on January 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

    @lk 72

    LOL

    I don’t know how I could possibly be more girly! 🙂

    Last night we watched a super sappy feel-good movie and I was being all “awwww!” and “yay!” and a bit teary and also smiley. He ate it up.

    Later I was unconsciously doing some little ballet leaps and jumps in the kitchen and he beamed at me and said “you must be excited for ballet to start again!” I said “Oh boy! I feel soooo excited for Tuesday…. Eeeeeee!” He said he loves how I get so excited about stuff.

    He was manly all weekend, and doesn’t usually talk like this… I’ll have to seriously think about how to be even more girly! LOL



  81.  #81Mel on January 9, 2012 at 10:53 am

    He even followed my pattern for FMs. I always say I feel all_______. The “all” seems to make its way into my FMs 90% of the time.

    Heehee! This makes me feel all amused! 😀



  82.  #82Rori Raye on January 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Lolita – in my book – “Listening At Level 2” is one of my most important and powerful tools – it’s about being present and really THERE when he’s talking. See if that helps you. Perhaps he senses you aren’t really there when he’s talking, and instead are caught up in what YOU want to say next…this is how we all are, you just have to learn how to do this….let me know if this is what you needed. Otherwise, once you get this down and create safety and calm between you – if he’s not concerned with how you feel, he’s just “outgirling” you – and he’s a “flower-man” who will never be the man you want. You have to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, starting with creating a speech around it in order to discover what he’s capable of. In fact – this is a powerful question, and I’ll build some serious time around it in my upcoming 4-week teleclass (http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/). Love, Rori



  83.  #83Rori Raye on January 9, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Gazelle – Dominique is your girl around sex – http://www.sexandheart.com (she’s wonderful, and you can find her amazing comments all over this blog…) Love, Rori



  84.  #84Goodheart on January 9, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Mel, I use “all” all the time too! My favorite is “I feel all tingly.”

    My bf uses feeling messages with me too. I’ve noticed it more & more & I feel it’s a good thing. It keeps the communication open. We are very in tune with ourselves & each other.

    When he gives me a feeling message, I usually just smile. If it’s in person, I lay my head on his chest or touch him in some way. He’s told me that touching him is always, always a good thing 🙂 I don’t have to say anything. Loving silence (and a warm touch) is ultra girly to me. Over text, a smiley face works well 🙂 OR just an awww. I also like to text back ” (blush) 🙂 ”

    Your Mr. A sounds lovely.



  85.  #85Lolita on January 9, 2012 at 11:23 am

    @ Rori, thanks so much! I soooo adore your programs. You are right, I did read it. I got so upset I was freaking out he wasn’t getting my feelings into consideration… I forgot to look deeply in his eyes and face and just listen when he talked and was just thinking about why he couldn’t respond to my feeling messages… He actually did SAY it felt like I’m not there! He often talks in feeling messages too… There are incredible highs and very low lows, it will be in a year in 2 weeks, and there was a break last July (which caused me to buy your ebook and 2 programs) and then we reconnected amazingly until we had a very tense Christmas vacation together with our respective children. It’s been a roller coaster these past few weeks. He’s allways known what I want is marriage and commitment and has agreed, except said a week ago he’s not sure we have the right foundation for him to make that commitment anymore… He is pulling away and I know he’s even been back on the dating site we met on! This man was married for many years so I know he is capable… It seems like I seriously messed up with my insecurities.



  86.  #86Mel on January 9, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Goodheart:

    Oooh, I love that!



  87.  #87Mel on January 9, 2012 at 11:35 am

    <> 🙂



  88.  #88T-Girl on January 9, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Mel, it is so funny. J just recently told me that I make him melt lol. Maybe they like our girly talk so much that they want to do it too.



  89.  #89Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I just copied the “ooo I feel all happy and gooey inside” and immediately got back “that’s good baby just keep that spirit. It’s good. Love you”.

    This girly stuff is powerful stuff.



  90.  #90Lizka on January 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Hi!

    Is there some French speaker in here? I need help on a translation of an FM. Lili? Mel? Anyone??

    I want to send a “My vacation felt amazing/good/relaxing” have no idea how to say it for it to make sense…



  91.  #91Daria on January 9, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Francesca – ‘Then I’ll just have a conversation in my head, wondering to myself if I did or said something wrong.’

    I do this too… We all do.

    Heres where it gets simple…

    The steps here are to Stop (the convo in our head)

    Get grounded w an object Lean back even more

    Look for a feeling…

    Speak … Or… Don’t, and take your energy out the window to something cool in your environment.

    Ps if your man is literally ignoring you – you will still feel bad – that’s not something you want to tolerate in relationship



  92.  #92Daria on January 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Lizka – je me senti bien relaxee en vacationes.

    Correct my grammar

    Though I’m surprised to hear that cuz I thought you felt rather challenged and stressed



  93.  #93Lizka on January 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Lol Daria. It’s not totally a lie. I felt good and relax when I was by myself at the beach by myself and not arguing with my family. Here, I posted only the negative stuff, but there was some good times. And overall, I came back rested and happy that I could enjoy the sun and that I did some great shopping.

    Right now, I don’t think too much of the bad stuff when I think of my vacation. I wouldn’t go back with my family, but I would go back on the beach with my boom that felt awesome to read…



  94.  #94Daria on January 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Lizka – yay nice… Reminds me of my Hawaii trip



  95.  #95Lolita on January 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    What is your best tip to relax for a monday night date after a big blowup and make sure he does not pull away further?



  96.  #96siren song on January 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    FW 89: nice!!!



  97.  #97mali on January 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Hmm… so with the guy I mentioned (he didn’t respond to my last message), I leaned forward, saying “Hmm… I feel a little curious about your profile…”

    Which has elements of the masculine and feminine. But it feels okay to me… Hmmm. I’m floating, and feeling calm… remembering that this is about me and healing… if someone steps up, great, f not… I will carry on dancing my beautiful dance!



  98.  #98Daria on January 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    (((Liz)))



  99.  #99Lizka on January 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Hi Lolita 🙂



  100.  #100Daria on January 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Brenda – the challenge here for all of us is to assume the man loves us a d wants the best for us no matter what we are convinced he’s thinking /doing

    Thinking about what he’s thinking doing Literrally keeps energy trapped in that state and will make it happen that way!

    There do many situations that seemed going bad I rescuers by assuming the best

    I thus situation w Ryan ‘come on Ryan you’re not stupid ‘ was a blame – accusing him of lying Or being stupid

    The feelings were – hmm.. I’m feeling mistrustful …



  101.  #101Lolita on January 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Hey Lizka, you are doing great 🙂



  102.  #102Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    RE 91 “Get grounded w an object Lean back even more”

    Rori says in Reconnect that you always have the floor.



  103.  #103Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Brenda – if you FWel you need to let him know something…

    You are already coming from a controlling urgent energy

    Only speak what you don’t need to let him know.

    What you would speak to an empty room or to the mirror.

    ‘I’m feeling heartbroken and sad, and I don’t want to do this to myself. I don’t want a guy friend here I want to be romanced and dated’



  104.  #104lk on January 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    @Mel 80

    “LOL

    “I don’t know how I could possibly be more girly! 🙂 ”

    hmmmm…. i recognize your description… sounds like my fairy princess baby girl lk…. : )

    ummm…. i can see how she would want to “play” with Mr. A’s “girl” ……. & give him “more kisses”

    hm, i feel curious about maybe if you were the silent Woman of the Ocean – the Mother Goddess – who breathes, sits still, is cavernous & holy… i feel curious about what it looks like to let his Fairy Girl flit & fly around your Goddess & bring offerings ?



  105.  #105Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    FW – hell yeah stomp the floor. Think I’m grounded. And you Are…



  106.  #106Liz on January 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Daria
    thanks for the hug

    ((((Daria))))))

    i feel like crying that i heard back from you.
    do you feel like that is silly?

    i feel like i am healing this vibe from my family.
    thank-you for seeing me everybody…



  107.  #107Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Hmm… On a guy’s profile, it read “I generally spend the majority of my time attempting to appear cool so that other people will like me, with varying degrees of success”

    I feel amused a d delighted. This guy is confident for being ‘honest’ about this so I trust him more.

    Actually I feel like the heavens are singing because *I * do this so his honesty is allowing me to feel accepting of myself since he is.

    Yay.



  108.  #108lk on January 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    i feel scared when i go Silent Mother Goddess….. i feel like i’ll be misunderstood or alienated… but actually, that never happens. i feel safer, more connected, more heard, more valued, more understood….. ATTUNED i want a partner who is attuned to me



  109.  #109Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Liz – I don’t think it’s silly at all. I know how moving it feels to be healing special beloved parts of myself



  110.  #110Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I notice I feel all distant and angry at Mali for judging it. I feel like she’s far away like a wall… I feel blank and wall to think of her as a person w feelings. I feel stony.

    Oh and I think I felt scared.

    And sad.



  111.  #111Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Sorry Mali for possibly triggering you working through my patterns



  112.  #112mali on January 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    @Daria,

    Wow… I feel so triggered and sad…

    I notice I judge, and that is part of me… but I don’t want to beat myself up for my judgemental voice, I want to embrace it, and love it, and then tell it that my heart will take it from here…

    Feeling defensive 🙁



  113.  #113Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Lk I love your awareness of gaudy princess mother goddess energy. I go mother goddess ocean in my silences…
    And fairy princess is my passion stories



  114.  #114Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Sorry Mali – not about you … My stuff.

    I’m healing my own judgement stuff

    And I’m doing it by putting my healing first and quite possibly triggering others as my expression is not fully perfect and in blaming yet

    I want to heal the fear of hurting others too

    And show me that it’s safe for me even if I Am seen as hurting others..

    Hmm love to me



  115.  #115Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Uhoh!!! I just mirrored some ‘explaining there’

    What I felt was… Scared and compassionate

    Then a touch defensive

    Love to me



  116.  #116Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Lk – * fairy not gaudy



  117.  #117lk on January 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    oh, darn !

    i feel a little sad & harumph Whoosh sigh

    lol that’s familiar like my sister daria : )

    i do feel tired of “it” whatever “it” is…. hmmm

    anyway i feel mad because my plans aren’t working out today & i feel sleepy & hollow & old

    i slept last night at 3AM doing work mostly…. woke at 5:40… but fell back asleep…. my dad woke me at 6 & i had to rush off, no shower.

    at least i had food from CDcd for breakfast (french toast & enough to share with my 2 good buddies at work yay) & lunch (salad & eggplant) & my buddy brought me a little food too to share : ) & my mama sent me banana bread & chocolate chip cookies & my dad made me a latte…

    so even though tired, yes, fed ! that is important & nice : )

    i got to work at 7 AM which felt so early (an hour and a bit before usual) & did a bunch & was super-productive all day, despite new people assigning new tasks at random points…

    but then my last meeting of the day got cancelled, so i thought, oh maybe i could leave early ?

    so i wanted CDcd to pick me up at 4 ? sent an email that i feel excited to see him & also tired & it would feel nice to be picked up at 4, not 5. what did he think ?

    well… he called… & tried to say he could come at 4:30 but he sounded stressed, so i said, really it’s not a big deal, it would just feel good, but i have work to do & was planning on staying so don’t rush here, let’s just keep the plan & that was good & he was happy …. but then i said, i want to shower before we go to the casino & he said…. plans have changed, i’m rushing off somewhere right now but we’ll still do something fun, i just don’t know what.

    bah i feel disappointed, even though i didn’t really want to go in the first place…. i spent some time getting mentally “ready” & practicing visualizing… but i will say to him that i feel disappointed & it would feel fun to go another time : ) that feels free & easy & resting tonight is actually what i need & want… CUDDLE lk wants to cuddle : ) yayyy

    oh whispery now she is sweet & soft & sensitive & not grumpy whiskery rough & sour : ) ahhhhh sweet soft tiredness….. not hard, hollow bravado…. yummy



  118.  #118mali on January 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Whew, okay…. feeling like I’m messing up.

    MALI, STOP JUDGING.

    But no, my logic will make judgements!

    Yes it will… it’s okay… but we are training to see how you FEEL… How do you FEEL?

    Tell the judgy voice that it is welcome here, but gently tell him, because it’s your boy here, that we’ll call on him when he’s needed…

    For now, just FEEL…

    When you read his profile, I know your ego came up. It felt threatened. Your boy got involved. And he’s trying to protect you.

    But what was your girl saying?

    She was impressed. She was smiling and twinkling, and admiring it…

    Ah, see… there we go…



  119.  #119mali on January 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Daria, love you. Thankyou for being authentic. It’s teaching me to feel.



  120.  #120Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Mali – if u notice your post to me had some explaining stuff, that’s a chance to retranslate your communication patterns to just feeling no control. For example ‘I notice I judge ‘ etc – you don’t need to tell me that – that’s explaining

    I felt defensive/closed/tightened

    I perceived it as you were blaming me for your beating yourself up or whatever and I’m like whoa girl that’s not My fault take responsibility for your stuff just cuz I feel triggered don’t mean I am beating u up or telling you to



  121.  #121Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Mali love to you too…

    I’m feeling a bit scared



  122.  #122Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Ps thank you



  123.  #123Daria on January 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Mali I Literrally giggled when unread she felt impressed and about twinkling.. Mm that felt fun



  124.  #124Mel on January 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    “i feel curious about what it looks like to let his Fairy Girl flit & fly around your Goddess & bring offerings ?”

    I love you lk!

    You’re right… while it’s fun to be the fairy princess baby girl Mel , it might also be fun to experiment being the Mother Goddess. What does that look like for you, lk?

    No matter what I do, he does bring me tons of offerings though! 🙂 I feel really happy for that!



  125.  #125Silver Moonbeam on January 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Brenda – previous thread:

    #1590 Brenda

    Hippie sounds like another wounded boy.

    What do you think?



  126.  #126River Girl on January 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes!!
    XOXOXOXO Lots of love to you all
    I was going to name you all but then I felt worried about missing someone out and I didn’t want to do that as I appreciate you all.



  127.  #127River Girl on January 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Happy Birthday Tenny!

    And anybody else I missed. Previous thread was getting so long and hard to follow with my slow inter webby thingy! Love how many Capricorns there are!



  128.  #128River Girl on January 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    “We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment”.

    FW that jumped out at me too. It’s like we pay more attention to what is lacking in our lives than the abundance we all ready have. When I feel grateful, I feel content.



  129.  #129Francesca on January 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Daria, I’m laying low these days and giving him a chance to get back on his feet and I kind of understand why he’s ignoring me when I use FMs. But if things don’t change…

    I was just talking with someone here how men are not resistant to illness and injuries as opposed to us women. If I had a cold, I would still be doing stuff and going to work because I wouldn’t have a choice. When I injured my own knee last January, I kept working even though I was limping.



  130.  #130Francesca on January 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Happy Birthday Tenny!

    Lotssss of Capricorns here! 🙂



  131.  #131lk on January 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    awwwww i want to keep giving little amounts of affection when i can…… poor lk got so…………… what is it ? have i always had a block about giving affection ? yes….. but actually i made up for it by overfunctioning & being TOO affectionate….

    now, i don’t even pretend to be OK with it when receiving affection that feels weird : )

    that’s SO nice – like huge sigh of relief !

    but poor CDcd now….. he said, “you have an aversion to holding my hand” & i said, “NO ! um actually it’s the opposite : ) ” sweet boy. i can hold his hand : ) i like his hands…….. TONS actually. delicious & perfect. kiss the side of his finger just in passing, casual movement & he says, “wow, thank you” like appreciate without judging as strange. i want to be authentic & do only what i want & receive only what i want… but i want to be authentic & affectionate & not blocked……

    weird that i thought i felt better about the affection after i let him kiss me on the mouth in a cafe…. but then when we said goodbye…. i didn’t like the kiss i got when i let him kiss me ! like… unsatisfying. i don’t think i like to kiss goodbye, just hug. & hug only too ! feels like a bad tease to get a cheek kiss & really a horrible tease to get a mouth kiss ! when leaving for crying out loud. who wants to kiss when leaving ?

    do i ?

    i don’t want any leaving. no kissing when leaving. just hugs.

    really ? that sounds weird & sad… ?

    no kisses goodbye. just hugs.

    hmmmmm… ok, lk. we’ll see.



  132.  #132Jenny on January 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    FW:
    “I feel a deeply longing to fully surrender into a relationship where I feel safe, cherished and taken care of.”

    Yes, oh yes…and maybe that is the big question about the man I talked about in the last post, the one who is now gone.

    I had it with him, as much as you can by chatting, I was totelly open, warm, soft and vulnarable with him. And wow the freedom, it felt soo good. And it was also scary.
    Something in him made me be totelly open to him in words, long before I found this website.

    And that heart connection…made me start to rethink myself, my thoughts of feelings and way of looking at myself.

    He aint standing in front of me, I mean I havent heard from him in over 3 months. I dont put so much energy into it…but last night I totelly falled down on my knee and cry. And I remember some thought, and I wanted to let them out.

    If I share them with my girlfriends, mother, sisters, male friends – they all just tell me things like: “He was using you, just fooling you, you are a fool for even crying when you think about him” They are all suck up in old, judgement thinking – I didnt have the energy to stand my ground this morning.

    And I choosed to say my thought to another place…where ppl see it in a diffrent light, give me diffrent ways of look at the feelings. So I then can express them to my friends and family.

    Now I need to work at a Fm to a boy who have asked me out, never showed up and takes contact 2 weeks after the “date”..says nothing about he not showing up, and just keeps talking as nothing have happened. The thing is, I dont even feel the slightes intresed in him from the start…but I try to give every man who dont scary me, a chance.

    “I feel a little confused. Travel to town for nothing makes me feel angry and sad. I dont want to wait for someone who dont show up” hmmm and 2 weeks after, its hard to remember exactlu how I felt – all I know is I feel totelly neutral toword him and I dont want to make plans for an new date with him.



  133.  #133mali on January 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Leaning baaaaack, way, WAY baaaack…. and receiving. =)



  134.  #134lk on January 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    LOL that he “caught” me smelling him at the grocery & he jokingly creeped up on me & sniffed me & we both cracked up because i knew he’d known… but had been letting me ? …. hahahaha.. the whole time. ohhhh lk thought she was so sneaky…. cuddly now though : ) i get to sniff all the time, no embarrassment, it’s “normal” now : ))))

    & i DID go in the shower with him. i wouldn’t the first time he asked. & i did enjoy it & say it felt nice…. : ) but then i said, “ok, i’m done. bye : )” & he thought i was talking to the shampoo bottle (supporting evidence that i’m out of my gxddxmned mind..) & i just walked out : ) but i stayed a bit just drying & lotion-ing still chatting so that was nice : ) also a warm place to stand naked & apply lotion : ) i never do that ! & next time maybe i can stay longer with him & actually really SHOWER shower & get my hair wet & stay in there without getting weird & “invaded” feeling… : )



  135.  #135Mochaberri on January 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    @ FW from previous post # 1604

    I agree with you that he is putting an effort into being practical and wanting to save since the economy is taking a toll on everyone. I would surely check to see if and when a good time would be to talk more in depth about his comments. And this new posts and some of the comments here would be very helpful to create my script to have the conversation.

    I’m feeling a bit icky about talking to him about it since our relationship seems to be full of ebbs and flows if you by any chance remember my prior posts last year.

    I realize that I may be leaning foward by having this conversation with him.



  136.  #136River Girl on January 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    72: Mel says:

    “Mr. A sent me a text this morning: “I hope the rest of your morning is really sweet like you!!! I had a very great weekend…I feel all relaxed and happy inside ; )

    This made me feel all giggly because that sounds an awful lot like something I’d say… ”

    Awww, I think it’s a good thing Mel. I remember reading a coach (not sure which one) saying that a man feels safe feeling and expressing his emotions when he is with a woman who shows him that she can handle her own feelings. He feels safe that she can handle his too.

    Also I notice when I spend a lot of time with someone that I like I start to pick up some of their little mannerisms or expressions. I feel happy and a bit giggly when I notice a guy using some of my mannerisms or ways of expressing. Especially when they don’t realise they are doing it. It’s like we are in tune with each other.



  137.  #137Mochaberri on January 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    So here it goes, my script:

    Hey! I’m feeling intrigued by your plans for saving that you mentioned earlier, is now a good time to get your thoughts about it?

    If he says yes: Ok, well you talked about saving $200 a month which sounds really great. Is the plan for both of us to each save that amount in a joint account?

    What are your thoughts Sirens??



  138.  #138lk on January 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    looking forward to the harder times & anticipating the disconnects…. interesting ! i’m not that scared : )

    “Reconnecting” will be an adventure & a challenge… i feel curious if you go deeper in a relationship after a disconnect….

    limerence ? someone said something about that earlier …. & mentioned intensity not only at the beginning but when the relationship is threatened/reconciled ?

    yummy ! i feel good about welcoming conflict into my life in a healthy way that helps me grow



  139.  #139lk on January 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    but i don’t want unconscious “limerence” i want conscious limerence.

    i don’t want to drown in my feelings…

    though i do know how to swim & how to dive… i’m not scared to open my eyes underwater… & i can hold my breath for a REALLY long time : )



  140.  #140Aurora Girl on January 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    last night I took a real dive into FM when I was feeling vulnerable and ill at ease

    My LD originally could not travel for over two weeks and neither could I. We had spent so much time together in December and over the holidays that this past weekend was the first away in a long time. We had become so close during the time spent together. I was feeling down about the distance. Somethings were going not so great during the day. Same for him though I didn’t know it at the time.

    So he called yesterday morning and I was just kinda plain and quiet. He told me he missed me. He texted through the day. I told him that touched me and I missed him too. But it felt flat. Near evening he texted to ask how the rest of my day went. I was honest and said it was a hard day but tomorrow was a new day so looked forward to that.

    Immediately the phone rang and he began to ask about the day. He asked if he had hurt my feelings by saying he missed me…….I said no…but just sank into the yucky feelings of the day and expressed them. He expressed his sadness too…about some things that happened in the day….men do open up when we do…..the deeper we’re willing to go the more they follow and they have so much to share when they feel comfortable…..like they know we can handle their big feelings when they can’t do it alone………

    it took a while but we both came around….and the relationships deepens…..they trust us more and vice versa…..

    and LD totally made a shift today and called and said he had changed his plans and he’s on his way here tomorrow for a few days.!!!!! He’s so happy. He totally stepped up to the plate. He wants to do 110%….. and keeps saying so……..

    and the intimacy builds a little more…..

    xo



  141.  #141lk on January 9, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    @Mel

    “What does that look like for you, lk?”

    hm

    looks like… walking away from situations that don’t feel warm & inspiring without ANY emotional response, even internally … or just walking toward something that does feel warm & inspiring…. just going off to find something i like. moving slowly. maybe going to look out the window. not speaking. responding to speech by just looking at him & just relaxed face, no smile, just the open heart face, not hard, very soft, timeless, no agenda …… speaking low & slow…. feeling gravity….. feeling buoyancy of breath….. feeling the movement between the two …. checking on my body, going inward…. imagining something really magical or reading energy fields in silence or asking the stars a secret or whispering to the moon with my eyes…. knowing things…. remembering dreams or past lives….. receiving visions of energy fields & ties….. communing in silence with the other goddesses who i can speak to in my heart……sometimes just a soft smile at the very corners i think… like remembering something pleasant……..allowing myself to be kissed & melting into it without “doing anything” – even moving my lips…. just experiencing what a kiss feels like just receiving…… being held in silence…. asking questions with my eyes…. psychically delivering my vision of happiness : )



  142.  #142lk on January 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    *NOT asking questions with my eyes : )

    not asking or expecting or desiring or needing or wanting ANYTHING from anyone, just melting into the abundant peace & going past time & space……easy free, no decisions, no priorities, no analysis, no cost….



  143.  #143lk on January 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    awww @AG – i’m so glad he’s coming to see you !!! how wonderful : )



  144.  #144Mel on January 9, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    thanks lk. 🙂



  145.  #145Hopeful on January 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    I cannot believe how powerful this Abraham Hicks video is. It is about a husband asking how he and his wife can get past all the fighting.

    I think I would like to watch this video each day. It says put the focus on you and don’t try to change your partner’s vision of you. Because you can’t. And focus on the loving vision of the relationship you want to have, not where you are now.

    It is so powerful. Take a look. And watch for the last line “How are you going to convince her.” Interesting.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYFBckTNTOg



  146.  #146Aurora Girl on January 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    lk thank you….. 🙂

    I opened up a lot last night…..with FMs….and the hard ones….I was crying so hard i couldn’t talk……I didn’t intend to it just flowed…..and so did he….more quietly than me …..maybe ….I was all soft and vulnerable….and scared I must tell you…….opening up so much……but it was ok……..at times we asked if this hard stuff was worth it……he said yes………I didn’t answer because I didn’t have an answer…but later I just came around……and today I texted him “we’ll pull this off….just you watch”……just about getting through the miss you times especially on hard days…..it was like I lit a fire under him…….he was so happy…..

    new territory for me…having faith that my heart knows what’s its doing……..but I did say I would try to do this this year……

    xo



  147.  #147Mel on January 9, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    I am fairy princess baby girl. I feel all playful and mischievous and giddy today. I want to play!

    He’s always callin’ me princess, or cutie, little miss or sweets. He likes my carefree playful fun-ness.

    But now I feel curious about changing it up a bit… adds to the mystery that is Mel.

    I can also do sassy seductive siren… but Mother Goddess will be a fun challenge.

    Ooh, but maybe I’m half-way there. Laying silently in bed reading while he fetched me coffee, then breakfast, as I gave him a sly smile, like I knew a great secret.

    Mmmmm…. changing back and forth between these sireny Mels feels romantic and lovely and pleasing.

    It hasn’t even been one day and already he’s asking when I’ll be back… but this week I’m taking some time for me. I have sooo much I want to do to feel all refreshed and renewed and more sireny yet.



  148.  #148Senior Lady Vibe on January 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    @1522: light heart says:
    “..OH! he must have been really angry!
    i feel curious, SLV, who’s this possibly un-gentlemanly “he” thou dost speaketh of ?…”

    Angry, probably. Hateful too. When I heard that line in the film the phrase “southern gentleman” came to my mind…

    The guy was a Texas guy in the late 1950s. He wasn’t named in the film documentary but others are: Texas elected officials etc along with their speeches against Barbara Smith Conrad when she was a young university student chosen to sing lead in a university opera production.

    At the end of the documentary Ms Conrad is shown decades later when she returned to the Texas legislature to receive an award.

    An inspiring documentary. Here are notes from PBS dot org:

    “Barbara Smith Conrad is an opera singer whose distinguished career has touched the lives of audiences worldwide. She is the subject of the film ‘When I Rise.’ The film premiered at SXSW 2010. ”

    http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/when-i-rise/film.html

    ~



  149.  #149Daria on January 9, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Francesca – honestly i feel concerned hearign that you understand why he’s ignoring your FM’s

    it sounds like you’re shooting yourself in the foot by doing that and that you don’t believe you’re worthy of being heard

    and also like you dont’ believe what you want is GOOD



  150.  #150Senior Lady Vibe on January 9, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    @134: River Girl says:
    “I feel happy and a bit giggly when I notice a guy using some of my mannerisms or ways of expressing. Especially when they don’t realise they are doing it. It’s like we are in tune with each other.”

    Mirroring…



  151.  #151Senior Lady Vibe on January 9, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    another mirror



  152.  #152Daria on January 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    im feeling a lil upset

    i have that fuzzy feeling of confusion roarign silence around me as i shut down as i was being attacked

    my mom literally stood in front of the door and wouldnt let me leave as she told me stuff in a talking at me tone

    it felt awful and then i eventually left the yelling continued then later i heard my dad get into it (against me) and

    good for me i turned up the water in the bathroom and locked myself there not to hea

    i also wenton the baclony soi couldnt hear

    id like to say NO even MORE early and ina kind way

    i want to keep on focusing ont he vision fo the healed family

    🙂

    i have a date with LoverCD in a few min, he asked me to the movies

    i feel a lil sad as i havent’ seen him since last time when we were kinda intimate and haven’t heard form him in weeks (except he did leave a voicemail asking me out for new years0

    i think hes just clueless oh well i will see how i feel
    with himtoday



  153.  #153Starla on January 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Hi Lovely Sirens:)

    I’m not posting during the day much anymore because I feel really anxious trying to sneak in posting at work…I don’t have to hide my secret internet browsing from my coworkers, but I DO want to hide that I’m here talking about very personal stuff. And definitely have to hide it from the bosses, which is hard to do because this website is PINK hehehehe.

    It gives me such a bad case of nerves trying to post here while I’m at work. I decided to stop torturing myself like this.

    The other big reason I won’t post here during the work day anymore as much is because I don’t feel as healthy as I could feel thinking about these guys (and especially CF) during my work day. ‘If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist.’ I think my love life would feel easier if I let it go during the day, and just focused on me.

    But, you know, it’s my nature to try to distract myself with men and other problems from work/goals. So hopefully this little tweak to my life will help in both my love and professional lives.



  154.  #154Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    RE 135 Mochaberri Remember he is the one with the plans so I would not go into asking any questions if he says okay. I would just ask him to tell me the plans and just really listen to him. I believe the second part is too leading. What if he doesn’t have a joint account in mind?



  155.  #155Turquoise on January 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I heard back from that guy on POF, and another who pretty much said he knew the area I lived in, was interested in meeting, wanted to know when I was free. I wrote back and said maybe we should start by exchanging names. lol.

    I feel a little snarky today, it’s Monday, work was boring, I can’t catch this damn mouse, and I have a twinge in my back from moving some heavy totes in my room.

    I don’t want to share my snarkiness… so will hold back my comments and just read what is happening with all of you lovely ladies! 🙂

    Mel, sounds like he’s mirroring and I’ve had that happen before too…lol. Good for a giggle 🙂



  156.  #156Turquoise on January 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I echo FW in 152!



  157.  #157Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Jenny I experienced that once with a guy and for me it was a dealbreaker. I did not reach out to him. I waited until he contacted me and I told him that my gut was telling me that something was up with him. I was not prepared to plan a date him with him again and for me I was not about to put in any energy into getting angry at him. It just was not worth it so I just walked away. There is nothing to negotiate with someone who does not show up for the first date with no indication or contact to say he was not going to show up. What this is saying is that this is how he will be behaving in the future. Just forget about him I guarantee others will contact you.



  158.  #158Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    In Reconnect Rori’s feeling message was “I feel crumby when I wait around for people” and she suggests don’t wait around. If he keeps you waiting when you date, maybe wait 15 minutes and then just leave.



  159.  #159Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Turq I see no problem practicing using your snarkiness, if it can be translated in feeling messages. I would at least check my emails and see how I feel when reading them. Then practice writing out a response and reading it back to see what kind of impression it creates.



  160.  #160luzydel on January 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    So “Mr.S” Offered me to buy a house together…out of nowhere, were not even a couple anymore…I smell opportunism on his part, or maybe I am just too jaded to believe him… I don’t have enough money for the down payment, and he said he loan me the money and even help me fix it…why? we are talking about a guy that did not want anything to do with me almost 2 months ago…Why do I feel so suspicious?



  161.  #161Francesca on January 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Daria #147

    Daria, he was sick with a bad cold and you know how some men are when they are ill (big babies ahah). He’s also not the most communicative person when it comes to feelings. That’s why I was asking how to get him to open up more in a previous thread – the answer I got was that it wasn’t my job to do that, to just communicate my own FMs and that he would eventually get the drift and do the same. It takes a little longer than I thought, that’s all.



  162.  #162Joyful_Siren on January 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Hi Rori, Hi Sirens,

    I’ve been using the Tools with a man that I’ve been dating for about 10 months. They’ve been working beautifully, and he’s talking about buying me a ring. This past weekend he took me out of state to his family’s house to celebrate a late Christmas with them. I loved his whole family! Now that I’ve come back, and I feel like I love him, and I love his family, I feel shaky. I’ve called him once and texted him in the day since we’ve been back, which I had not done before. I’ve only let him chase me. I’ve let him row the boat! I feel like I’m so close to my happy ever after, and I feel scared that I might do something to mess it up. I’m feeling bad for calling him and texting him. I feel better when he initiates contact. I’ve been leaning back for 10 months. I can keep it up until I get the commitment that I want. Right???

    Joyful_Siren
    xoxo



  163.  #163VW on January 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Mali:

    I felt smiley and felt the playfulness in your voice …even though u chose to lean fwd 🙂

    I command your bravery to explore yourself…and have fun with it…

    Disclosure: Mali is just beginning to exploring dating…her youth and innocence is to be encouraged …through playfulness …:)

    I felt happy that Daria helped you…and you were open to receive her advise…and constructive criticism…she helped me a lot too 🙂

    About the judgements and triggers you have expressed reading profiles of men/boys :), well…i noticed u say “i feel this…” and then stop…at that…

    now, its an opportunity to go the next level…”i feel this…and that feels like (check for body sensations…)…and move to the next feeling…next sensation…and pay attention if thoughts/memories sneak through that trigger these feelings… bring them out to light…;)

    Something like…”wow…i feel scared when reading this…and that feels like nausea in my tummy…it reminds of what my mom told me…not to ever do…or if i do this…something would happen to me…etc…”

    Anyway, you are doing awesome…I feel happy to notice your courage and voice getting stronger to express uncomfortable situations…now, lets dig in deeper…:)

    lots of love,



  164.  #164Turquoise on January 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Where are all you sirens tonight?



  165.  #165luzydel on January 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Wondering the same thing…where is everyone?



  166.  #166Turquoise on January 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Luzydel, who is Mr. S and does he want to live there together or help you buy it just for you?



  167.  #167Aurora Girl on January 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Well T
    First day back to school for kids and some back to work full time again this week…just doing what needs to be done,…..the glamourous (hot bath) and not so glamourous (cleaning the bathroom, kitchen ,etc.). lol

    didn’t have a lot of time to read the blog or write tonight….

    but hope everyone is doing ok…

    time for beauty sleep lol and sending good vibes

    **~~**~~



  168.  #168siren song on January 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    It’s amazing how much things can change. Went over to my ex’s tonight to pick up some stuff and he’s sitting there super-high on hard drugs with his best friend who makes me feel creepy. I really see how far I’ve come! I used to want to hang out there, nasty drugs and jerky friends and all. I feel compassion and all the good stuff, but for me too, not just him.

    I notice how little I feel like suffering for ‘love’ anymore. I feel sad that I wasted years with someone who seems incapable of treating himself properly.

    Thank god I never married him. Whew.



  169.  #169LILI 41 on January 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Thank You for sharing your stories AG and Mel !!!

    Absolutely loved it! 🙂



  170.  #170Turquoise on January 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    I’m heading to bed soon too AG, not in the mood to clean, and rarely get enough sleep, so will be good for me!



  171.  #171luzydel on January 9, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    @163

    He is a guy a dated last summer until November…He broke up with me because he did not see us working out in the future; I felt heart broken, but I left it alone and now he is sort of back, but I know he doesn’t want me. Yesterday he said I wanted to buy a house with him…I felt confused and Now I need to distance myself again. This guy is an opportunistic hidden behind a nice guy face…there are other things I wont mention…I feel like a fool for having my hopes up again 🙁



  172.  #172Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Luzydel I would share with him understand what circumstances I would be open to co-owning a property with a man.



  173.  #173Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    If I may Luzydel I can’t see any reason for you to feel like a fool. For the most part you focussed on yourself and leaned back with this guy. You might have gone off course for a bit here but you got to know yourself a bit better, got clear on what you really want and are now clear how much of what this guy is about is unattractive to you. Sometimes we need a do-over to clear up our clouds. I believe that was what happened for you here and you are not going into anything with your eyes closed and unconscious. You are looking at things with a new level of awareness. You seem brave to me. You are not all besotted and pining over him.



  174.  #174Femininewoman on January 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Soory meant “under” what circumstances.



  175.  #175luzydel on January 9, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    @169 I was very open with him over the phone and I said I feel very flattered he offered, but That I wont do it because, I need to know I can count in a man 100 percent, that I cannot be a business partner with someone I have mixed emotions right now. That it can get confusing…

    he said “I have so many good things in front of me, but yet I cannot make up my mind…what is wrong with me?” I just said I don’t know…



  176.  #176tenny on January 9, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    @ FW #1550

    “tenny CD asertive sounds like he is not sure? I am not sure I would trust that for the long term.”

    I agree with you – I was getting a feeling of giving him time and space so I feel safe no matter what comes my way.



  177.  #177tenny on January 9, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Thank you FW, Rivergirl and Francesca for the birthday wishes!!

    Happy Belated Birthday River Girl and all the other Capricorn Sirens!!!



  178.  #178VW on January 9, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    Luzydel:

    hmm..u story feels like deja vu to me…

    someone I dated without using names here…was indeed non challant about using women to invest in property…his credit sucked…so, he needed women with good credit to help him purchase…

    my heart feels tight and so tempted to encourage u…listen to u instinct…1st reaction…don’t do it…:(

    i won’t go into more details…but it could become very painful…

    never “sleep” with someone u doing business with…unless he is u husband…i wouldn’t even do business with my family…:(

    warm hugs



  179.  #179tenny on January 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    I leaned forward today . . . (spanking the back of my hand – bad tenny): I invited CD hood to my party next weekend and he accepted. I felt bad for doing it, but felt elated that he accepted. Leaning back, Leaning back leaning back and no overfunctioning. Have to keep remembering this!



  180.  #180siren song on January 9, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Happy birthday, tenny! Yay! Lots of goat ladies on the blog (capricorns)!



  181.  #181Kayla on January 9, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Hello everyone…
    I wish I had something positive to write on here today but well I feel bad saying that, I don’t… Today I feel just as bad as I have every other day… Dealing with depression makes this stuff soo much harder.. which makes my depression feel 10 times worse.. I really do need to go see a doctor and I am going to soon.. Today my family and I had a big argument.. I wanted to be alone, just like I do every day when I am at home with my family… And well people kept bugging me, soo I had a very negative reaction when I just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.. I yelled at my little sister, told my mom that I hated being around her, tried telling my gma that the only person I actually enjoy being around is her but she’s never around anymore… All of these things backfired on me and I have felt horrible ever since… I feel soo bad for talking to my mom and sister the way I did tonight.. My mom told me to get out of this house and I feel angry at this, she says she tries to get closer to me and make our relationship stronger, but the truth is, she doesn’t and neither does my grandma, everytime my feelings get hurt and I start to feel angry, they walk away from me and ignore me as if how I feel does not matter.. sometimes they even call me names and make fun of me for the way I feel… But for some reason I STILL feel bad about telling this to my mom.. But I also feel as if she is a BIG reason why I have soo many emotional problems. When I told my grandma that the only person I enjoy being around is her, but she’s never around anymore, all she had to say was that she has a life… And then she felt bad because I told my mom that I didn’t like to be around her and I can’t help the way I feel, and you know what my grandma told my mom??? She said you know, you could have avoided this by just getting abortions with all these kids.. WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!!! This hurt me so bad inside! I can’t help that I don’t like being around my mom.. She has put me through soo much! And she still continues to hurt me.. For ex: she had an ex boyfriend who she got together with when I was about 11.. Well they split up when I was about 16 and it took her a long time… He treated my siblings and I like crap. Calling us names all the time, abusing us physically and verbally, never trying to be nice to us… We hated eachother… And what’s worse??? My mom sat there and let him do this to us… She blamed it all on us and our behavior!! Soo I moved out of there and in with a friend and I was VERY unstable for the next couple years after that, my mom got into drugs very bad and well I almost ended up in a foster home.. But then I moved in with my grandma and everything got better for a while.. We never fought I was pretty content with my life for once, I finally felt like I could trust an adult with my personal problems… Well then my grandma decided to move in with my mom so that she could find a better job.. Soo we moved in with my mom.. our plan was that we would both find jobs and get an apartment together… Well then she met her boyfriend and pretty much moved out and just abandoned me here. She isn’t even looking for a job.. I am but it’s pretty hard to find one right now. And now I just feel soo alone.. And what’s even worse than that is I feel so betrayed by my mom.. She PROMISED my siblings and I that she would NEVER get back together with her ex boyfriend, she gave us her word, she knows we hate him with a passion, and two weeks after she gave us her word, he was living back here again… And still is, after almost two years of them being separated… He hasn’t changed a bit and my mom still lets him walk all over us… I feel soo ughh just horrible!!

    I know this is very long and has absolutely nothing to do with relationships, but I feel like this is the only place I can turn to anymore.. I feel so lost and I feel like the way I was raised and have grown up has a huge toll on my emotional problems, therefore linking to my social and relationship problems… I know that if I pull myself out of this depression, that things will go better for me, but right now, I feel so weak inside and out. And it honestly hurts worse than anything. . . I’m only 19, I don’t understand why I have to deal with this… I’ve had to deal with this unstableness, and emotional problems, and feelings of abandonment, and unimportant to anyone, my whole entire life…



  182.  #182Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Francesca,

    RE: #71 – Very interesting! Thank you! I love learning stuff like that! Fits me!



  183.  #183Kayla on January 9, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Hello everyone…
    I have to put this in seperate posts otherwise it will not go through..I wish I had something positive to write on here today but well I feel bad saying that, I don’t… Today I feel just as bad as I have every other day… Dealing with depression makes this stuff soo much harder.. which makes my depression feel 10 times worse.. I really do need to go see a doctor and I am going to soon.. Today my family and I had a big argument.. I wanted to be alone, just like I do every day when I am at home with my family… And well people kept bugging me, soo I had a very negative reaction when I just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.. I yelled at my little sister, told my mom that I hated being around her, tried telling my gma that the only person I actually enjoy being around is her but she’s never around anymore… All of these things backfired on me and I have felt horrible ever since… I feel soo bad for talking to my mom and sister the way I did tonight.. My mom told me to get out of this house and I feel angry at this, she says she tries to get closer to me and make our relationship stronger, but the truth is, she doesn’t and neither does my grandma, everytime my feelings get hurt and I start to feel angry, they walk away from me and ignore me as if how I feel does not matter.. sometimes they even call me names and make fun of me for the way I feel… But for some reason I STILL feel bad about telling this to my mom.. But I also feel as if she is a BIG reason why I have soo many emotional problems. When I told my grandma that the only person I enjoy being around is her, but she’s never around anymore, all she had to say was that she has a life… And then she felt bad because I told my mom that I didn’t like to be around her and I can’t help the way I feel, and you know what my grandma told my mom???



  184.  #184tenny on January 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Thank you Siren Song!!! Love you new name!!!



  185.  #185Kayla on January 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    She said you know, you could have avoided this by just getting abortions with all these kids.. WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!!! This hurt me so bad inside! I can’t help that I don’t like being around my mom.. She has put me through soo much! And she still continues to hurt me.. For ex: she had an ex boyfriend who she got together with when I was about 11.. Well they split up when I was about 16 and it took her a long time… He treated my siblings and I like crap. Calling us names all the time, abusing us physically and verbally, never trying to be nice to us… We hated eachother… And what’s worse??? My mom sat there and let him do this to us… She blamed it all on us and our behavior!! Soo I moved out of there and in with a friend and I was VERY unstable for the next couple years after that, my mom got into drugs very bad and well I almost ended up in a foster home.. But then I moved in with my grandma and everything got better for a while.. We never fought I was pretty content with my life for once, I finally felt like I could trust an adult with my personal problems…



  186.  #186Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Tenny,

    Happy Birthday!



  187.  #187Kayla on January 9, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    She said you know, you could have avoided this by just getting abortions with all these kids.. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!!! This hurt me so bad inside! I can’t help that I don’t like being around my mom.. She has put me through soo much! And she still continues to hurt me.. For ex: she had an ex boyfriend who she got together with when I was about 11.. Well they split up when I was about 16 and it took her a long time… He treated my siblings and I like crap. Calling us names all the time, abusing us physically and verbally, never trying to be nice to us… We hated eachother… And what’s worse??? My mom sat there and let him do this to us… She blamed it all on us and our behavior!! Soo I moved out of there and in with a friend and I was VERY unstable for the next couple years after that, my mom got into drugs very bad and well I almost ended up in a foster home.. But then I moved in with my grandma and everything got better for a while.. We never fought I was pretty content with my life for once, I finally felt like I could trust an adult with my personal problems…



  188.  #188Kayla on January 9, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Well then my grandma decided to move in with my mom so that she could find a better job.. Soo we moved in with my mom.. our plan was that we would both find jobs and get an apartment together… Well then she met her boyfriend and pretty much moved out and just abandoned me here. She isn’t even looking for a job.. I am but it’s pretty hard to find one right now. And now I just feel soo alone.. And what’s even worse than that is I feel so betrayed by my mom.. She PROMISED my siblings and I that she would NEVER get back together with her ex boyfriend, she gave us her word, she knows we hate him with a passion, and two weeks after she gave us her word, he was living back here again… And still is, after almost two years of them being separated… He hasn’t changed a bit and my mom still lets him walk all over us… I feel soo ughh just horrible!!

    I know this is very long and has absolutely nothing to do with relationships, but I feel like this is the only place I can turn to anymore.. I feel so lost and I feel like the way I was raised and have grown up has a huge toll on my emotional problems, therefore linking to my social and relationship problems… I know that if I pull myself out of this depression, that things will go better for me, but right now, I feel so weak inside and out. And it honestly hurts worse than anything. . . I’m only 19, I don’t understand why I have to deal with this… I’ve had to deal with this unstableness, and emotional problems, and feelings of abandonment, and unimportant to anyone, my whole entire life…



  189.  #189siren song on January 9, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Tenny, thanks! It feels good on me.

    Good night sirens!

    Xo



  190.  #190tenny on January 9, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    ((((((((((((Kayla))))))))))))))

    The first step is seeing and feeling the problem.

    You are going to be okay – you just need to explore all of your feelings and thoughts in session. A lot of Rori’s material can help also – commitment blueprint (healing, etc.) Toxic men (the first sections are really really good!)

    Love to you – we care about you here!



  191.  #191tenny on January 9, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    Thank you Brenda!!! 🙂



  192.  #192Kayla on January 9, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Thank you Tenny.. <3



  193.  #193Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    (((Kayla)))

    RE: #179



  194.  #194Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Rori says:
    “For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them”

    I was just thinking about something similar the other day…listening to the little voice on my shoulder rather than squashing it. I don’t want to abandon myself.



  195.  #195Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    (((Kayla)))

    RE: #183 – You are welcome to write about your depression and family struggles here. What I have realized is that successful romantic relationships are all based in loving myself. And that involves healing family relationships from childhood and inner peace of mind.

    I have recently pulled out of depression after being in it for over 40 years. I still struggle with it everyday, but I have learned that the mind is the battlefield.

    My all-time favorite music artist, Larry Norman, wrote a note to me after a concert, “Look deep inside, and when you locate the sadness, give it a vacation, and focus on the simple things.”

    Here are the lyrics of one of his songs for your encouragement:

    It’s Only Today that Counts

    It ain’t no use to lay in bed at night
    And worry about the past
    About how you could have done things differently
    But things just happened way too fast.

    Go on, close your eyes, and fall asleep
    Let the angels guide your dreams.
    And let that pain unwind behind you
    And float away, on silent streams.

    You gotta live your life the best you can
    Though you sometimes do your worst.
    And learn to laugh when you fail, it’s not the end of the world
    Your life’s is a play you can’t rehearse.

    Don’t make big plans for tomorrow,
    You can’t control what lies ahead.
    You must try to live each moment
    As it comes instead.

    There is no use dreaming of a perfect future
    Or regretting a troubled past.
    It’s only today that counts
    Live it like it might be your last.
    It’s only today that counts
    Live it like it might be your last.

    It never helps to worry, it never hurts to pray,
    Tomorrow will come soon enough; just pray about today.
    And relax, trust your life to God,
    The future is in his hand,
    Only faith will help you face each day’s demands.

    Ain’t no use worrying, life goes so fast.
    It’s only today that counts
    Live it like it might be your last.
    It’s only today that counts
    Live it like it might be your last.



  196.  #196Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    Rori says
    “When you don’t feel loved, honored, cared for, appreciated – how do you say that to your man?

    If I made it a game for you, where you couldn’t vent, or yell, or complain, or make him wrong – or even say the word “you” to him – how would you say it?

    In the most truthful, fully expressed way possible?

    Write it out for yourself (and post it here if you like) – and then TRANSLATE it into Feeling Messages.

    Just rework what you instinctively want to say – how you want to hurl your upset at him – and write it all in POETRY, from your heart.”

    ***************
    When I read this I felt overwhelmed and totally incapable…I started reading this again and again trying to break the steps down of what I’m supposed to do…I feel confused and not able to do this at all. EEk. I’m not doomed it’s ok Emerson.



  197.  #197Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    (((KAYLA)))
    omg..Kayla, my heart is breaking reading your posts. I’m so sorry hon. You are still so young, and it’s hard to get started in life without support.

    I am so sorry for your depression, and I must say you do sound like a very grounded and self aware young lady! Kayla, you are a beautiful, unique, special woman!

    I am so glad you came on the blog to let all this out!

    It hurts to hear people you love say hurtful things!

    My situation was not quite as dramatic, but my parents expected me to be an adult at 18, and my Dad and I did not get along. He told me to move out and my Mom didn’t protest, so I had to go. It was so unstable and hard for me to make ends meet and go to school, work, etc. I felt so rejected and insecure in so many areas. I ended up partying alot and having boyfriends that ended up being jerk asses.

    I still resent this (I’m working on letting it go) and I am 40 years old. I don’t want you to repeat my mistakes of trying to hide depression and rejection with alcohol and toxic men.

    I am not sure if this is the correct advice, but I almost feel like telling you to get far away from your family for a while.

    You see, even though that is probably what I should have done; moved far far away to get clarity…and reinvent myself on my own…I kept in semi close proximity to my folks for a long time and I always wanted to try and win back their approval and I wanted them to just be my PARENTS and support me.

    Anyway, I am so sorry about you growing up with your Mom’s mean boyfriend and I am sooo sorry for what you Grandma said about the abortions. 🙁
    Not ok.
    You don’t deserve it.
    Don’t be too hard on yourself for the outburst you described today. Tomorrow is a new day.

    Love, hugs and prayers,
    Emerson



  198.  #198Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    (((Kayla))),

    Here are some of the things that have helped me manage and eventually pull out of depression:

    1. Medication is the best thing (I see you said that is in process).

    2. Thought control: The mind is the battlefield. The way Dominique says it is when Negative Voices flow, shut them up by giving them a cookie and sending them to the corner. 🙂 Then I gently replace the negative thought with a comparable positive thought.

    For example, if I think, “I hate living here!” I gently replace it with, “I am heading for a beautiful future! I am going to devise a plan to get on my own so I don’t have to subject myself to this toxic situation.”

    3. Friends – Surround yourself with people who influence you toward positivity, success, and enjoyment. This blog is fantastic for that, and it’s a major reason I come back day after day and spend so much time here! These are self-aware women who really care about themselves and others! I learn and grow on here like crazy!

    It is also more important to have friends in person, people to hang out with and hug and laugh with! Check out meetup dot com or a church or some other support group.

    4. Self-help books and/or biographies can be like friends you can turn to any time. I love to read inspiring true stories of people who turned their lives around and made a major impact on society! I learn from them!

    5. Do at least one thing each day you don’t feel like doing, even if it’s as minor as taking a shower or walking around the block. Taking care of yourself will lift you up, even tho it seems minor at the moment.

    6. Write the ten things you enjoy doing most, and do one of them when you feel lousy. Tonight I just bought myself a sketch pad! I am reopening my passion for art that I had in high school!

    7. Try Rori’s tool of painting yourself in love!

    8. Look in the mirror, directly into your eyes, and say, “Kayla, I love you and accept you, exactly the way you are.”



  199.  #199Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    165 ((siren song))
    Wow, that’s heavy. Thanks for sharing that. I feel the same way a lil bit.
    I was in a relationship with a toxic addict myself, and one day I just SWITCHED and said nope…no more. I never touched drugs in my life (just alcohol). I was suddenly SO scared!!! And extremely turned off, and there was no going back, painful as it was for me and my lil heart.

    I KNEW it was soo bad, and sooo DARK what he was doing. I had too much light I had let into myself, I couldn’t stand to be in his darkness.

    That’s what happened to you siren song…you have too much light now…you cannot tolerate being around his dark world…and miss siren, that is HUGE progress!!!!!



  200.  #200Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    (((Kayla))),

    I wonder if it would be wise to get a social worker involved in your home situation? It’s ify, because they could possibly make it worse. Sometimes it’s trouble to get any kind of agency or governmental authority involved. But if not, I wonder if a minister at a church could help or someone in an AA type group. I can’t think of the name of the one for children of alcoholics, something like that. There’s a support group for people with toxic family members.

    I have found that even tho it’s so hard to ask for help, sometimes I just can’t make it without help. There is something so secure and empowering about having community! I have been enjoying that like never before with my church. It’s like moving a problem with a snow blower instead of a shovel!



  201.  #201Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #123 – Yes, Hippie is another wounded boy. I don’t want to turn him down, tho. I am sure it was really a major thing for him to ask me for a date. And Rori says to say yes, even if you don’t think he is marriage material. It is good practice dating, for both of us.



  202.  #202Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #101 – “Brenda – if you FWel you need to let him know something…

    You are already coming from a controlling urgent energy

    Only speak what you don’t need to let him know.

    What you would speak to an empty room or to the mirror.

    ‘I’m feeling heartbroken and sad, and I don’t want to do this to myself. I don’t want a guy friend here I want to be romanced and dated’”

    Thank you! Very good.



  203.  #203Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #99 – “Brenda – the challenge here for all of us is to assume the man loves us a d wants the best for us no matter what we are convinced he’s thinking /doing

    Thinking about what he’s thinking doing Literrally keeps energy trapped in that state and will make it happen that way!

    There do many situations that seemed going bad I rescuers by assuming the best

    I thus situation w Ryan ‘come on Ryan you’re not stupid ‘ was a blame – accusing him of lying Or being stupid

    The feelings were – hmm.. I’m feeling mistrustful …”

    Yes, I cringed when that came out of my mouth! Yikes! It is a challenge to stay with feeling messages when in conversation. But I think I cleared it up quickly. I apologized. And I know I shouldn’t have initiated.

    I just am baby stepping and doing things at my pace. But I really appreciate your feedback.



  204.  #204Starla on January 9, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Kayla, you are not alone. I feel glad to see you at 19 seeing that you have been dealt the unfortunate hand of your mother (no offense to her) and will need to put special thought and work into every meaningful relationship you may ever hope to have.

    it sucks.

    my mom left me when i was still in high school to go run about with a man. i was the only one working to pay our rent…etc. etc.

    i’m 27 now and i’ve been through some serious relationship trash because of how i was brought up by my single mom. and i’m just barely starting to deal with it all.

    to be so self aware at 19 is a huge blessing. at 19 i was just drinking a lot and occasionally popping pills and hanging out with a bunch of weirdos, lol. i laugh now but it was depressing and tragic. if i had put that energy into learning more about myself emotionally, i would have been saved a lot of romantic abuse down the line.

    But now I am focused on it and life is seriously better than ever.

    Rori is a huge help too! This blog = more help than my therapist, BUT my therapist has been a big help too:)



  205.  #205Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #99 – I also wanted to say that I’ve tried, “I feel mistrustful” before with him, and it turns him off bigtime. He will say, “If you don’t trust me, then why do you want to be my friend? We can’t be friends if you won’t trust me.”

    I lost a girlfriend by saying that.



  206.  #206Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Here is what I decided about Ryan…

    I am going to just let him contact me when he contacts me. I am not ready to end it. But I am going to use strong friendship boundaries.



  207.  #207Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    And this song is another reason to not end my friendship with Ryan….and I dedicate it to SLV!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike

    By Your Side, by Sade



  208.  #208Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    199 Starla I’m sorry that happened to you.
    I liked reading your response it felt authentic and raw…I feel warmed by your compassion toward Kayla and I feel compassion for both of you and for me myself too…yes you Emerson!! 🙄



  209.  #209Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    A free vacation…for ten minutes…for you…right now! 🙂

    Enjoy!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzgIhi8Yky8&feature=colike



  210.  #210Brenda on January 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    Tenny,

    RE: #176 – LOL, and give compassion to your weak parts! They get slathered in love, too!



  211.  #211Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    Something occurred to me tonight (that’s been happening to me a lot lately)…I thought about my Mom’s past and how her father was physically abusive toward her mother (my grandmother) and I realized how I think I may have picked up on that energy for so long…since I was young…and I didn’t even KNOW about the abuse till a couple of years ago.

    It’s like it’s been following me around like a shadow…and I never knew what it was! I swear it sounds crazy..but ever since I found out about the abuse, I’ve actually begun healing and making sense of so much…that before was such a mystery and I would blame myself or think I’m crazy. Now I really think it goes back to that abuse…

    It makes me so sad to think about my grandmother in that situation…she was an orphan and had no father. 🙁 I have to stop writing about it now. It is making me so sad.



  212.  #212Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    Has anyone heard of DNA having a memory or something like that?? This maybe is going to sound crazy..but I swear I’ve had “memories” of being beat/hit by a man and covering my head and my face and feeling just terrified and full of rage!!!
    I have had like awake dreams about it (or half awake) and it seem so real like did I really experience that? But guess what, I’ve NEVER been hit by a man. My Dad never hit me, ever. No man ever has.
    Then I thought…maybe the memory is in my DNA and it’s my grandmother who I am remembering going through that…it’s so intense…I hate it and I want her to fight back so badly. 🙁



  213.  #213Emerson on January 9, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    BTW re 207 I’ve had these “visions” my whole life…waaay before I knew about the abuse she endured.



  214.  #214Daria on January 10, 2012 at 12:03 am

    Emerson – yeah I cleared some stuff like that before



  215.  #215Silver Moonbeam on January 10, 2012 at 12:13 am

    #204 Brenda

    Thank you for my free trip, all that sailing around and I didn’t have to row the boat once. 😀



  216.  #216Brenda on January 10, 2012 at 12:14 am

    Emerson,

    RE: #206 – 208 – Your experience is generational and here is a reference for it: “For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” (Exodus 20:4-6)



  217.  #217Silver-Tongued Siren on January 10, 2012 at 12:17 am

    emerson, I’m not sure about the visions, but i know that i have strong connections to interests and skills of my parents, great grandparents and great great grandparents.

    My parents, I was not raised by (having them only a tiny bit around until I was almost 2, but mostly was with grandparents, and then stayed with grandparents when my mom died and my dad just didn’t come around). My great and great-great grandparents, i never met.

    Artistic skills, extreme interest in horses- raising and breaking them.. (my dad was a very talented artist, and my great great grandfather wrangled wild horses and sold them to the army). also very obsessed with indian ways and artifacts, gypsy-traveller type things, and “old” ways of doing things (I used to wash clothes on an old wash-board when I was little, etc), … I have some amount of indian blood (but didn’t know this then), my grandmother told me about her mother telling her we were part “black dutch” which is either indian or traveller..similar to “black irish”. and the old stuff, well that could have been anyone. I spent my days as a child foraging for wild berries, harvesting my grandfather’s garden at precisely 6 am every saturday morning, mapping out creeks and trails, building tepees and any kind of fort, identifying plants and trees, shooting bow and arrows, trying to start fires (with sticks), using the washboard, or any “old” thing I could find, including old era clothing. searching for indian artifacts/arrowheads, practicing picking pockets for the fun of it, or convincing others of things just to see if I could (even though I was actually THE most honest child anyone had ever met) (even telling on myself I felt so guilty at disobeying the few times I really ever did), and studying stacks of books about horse care and training and breaking, drawing, learning different types of native american, “hobo”, or hieroglyphic languages/symbolism…making corn husk dolls, also taught myself to crochet, apparently my great grandmother did, but my grandma never learned. i also (just recalled) I would spent a great deal of time with some toy rifle I had, enjoying the clicking sound of it as I stood in the different positions, as in a soldiers drill. (had several ancestors in the army, perhaps that’s why?) these are all things I had an extremely strong connection to, for no reason that I can tell, yet have a connection or potential connection to relatives/ancestors.
    i also am interested and naturally good at automotive repair – my dad was a mechanic and raced cars.. which I also by accident got into at an early age.

    at times, though I can’t recall what the memories were, I have had what felt like memories but I was nearly 100% positive NEVER happened to me. but yet felt very real.

    If skills can transfer, why not memories?

    I know it’s a little not as scientifically explainable, but many sensitive/psychic people can pick up energy of experiences/memories from objects belonging to a person. particularly if the item was especially important to that person.

    interesting subject.



  218.  #218Brenda on January 10, 2012 at 12:17 am

    Emerson,

    You could google prayer generational curse.



  219.  #219Brenda on January 10, 2012 at 12:22 am

    Silver Tongued Siren,

    RE: #212 – It’s a spiritual thing. Spiritual things can’t be deciphered intellectually.

    Interesting about the Native American stuff! I am part Blackfoot, and I have also always had a keen interest in Native American things! I have lost count of the tens of romance novels I read, primarily about Native Americans in the Old West. And I am very much a part of nature…I blend with it.



  220.  #220Silver Moonbeam on January 10, 2012 at 1:02 am

    To follow on from this conversation with Emerson, it could also be re-incarnation………..



  221.  #221Jenny on January 10, 2012 at 1:09 am

    155 -156 Femininewoman

    Yup…I’m feeling happy becourse he made kind of sort himself out of the game.

    I have right now 6 date boked this week – so I’m not worried about that 😛

    My thoughts was how to be warm and open, not give him the blame and still let him know he have lost the chance.



  222.  #222Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 2:09 am

    If anything Jenny just let him know you feel suspicious and that you respect yourself too much to accept another date from him



  223.  #223Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 2:12 am

    Emerson I would encourage you to borrow the book Many Lives, Many Masters from the library and read it. Though I am a christian too that book was eyeopening and had some insights from the authors personal experience that has me wondering about things that people generally don’t understand.



  224.  #224Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 2:14 am

    Emerson it might also be the reason why you have seemed so fearful to try out tapping. There might be a lot of sadness in there that you are walking around with in your cell memory that need to released.



  225.  #225Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 2:22 am

    Sweet Kayla your story is heart rending but you know I believe that though you don’t understand the reason why you are going through it there is a purpose. It might be connected to your life purpose. The struggles that many people go through end up being the thing that they use to help others in their lives. Look for the blessing in the situation, I know itis hard when you are going through it but I am convinced it is for a purpose. I would encourage you to look around for a shelter or battered women’s center in your area and volunteer some time so you can feel productive during some of your free time. You just never know who you might meet that could possibly help you out of your situation. Best to you.



  226.  #226Jenny on January 10, 2012 at 2:38 am

    FW…yes, no way I will accept another date with him.

    Another boy asked me out, and did the same thing. Ok I just told him cold off I had lost my intrest since he didnt come to the date.

    And I almost falled of my chair laughing when his answer came:

    “Too bad, I’m so intrested in you”

    …yeah right 🙂 I didnt answer.



  227.  #227Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 2:40 am

    Happy Birthday Tenny!!!



  228.  #228Butterfly Wings on January 10, 2012 at 3:02 am

    Happy birthday to all of the sirens who have celebrated their special day since I was last here! I hope you all had wonderful days!

    I can’t stay long – just popping in quickly to say hi!

    Life is so busy right now. I’m on a strict budget (thanks to TH’s help), and I’m now doing some freelance writing work, so on top of full time work and a trip interstate this weekend, I’m not going to have time for much else.

    Things are still going great with TH. He’s still looking after me well and we are still enjoying our hour long walks most days. He cooked dinner for me last night and tonight and now I have a yummy lunch for tomorrow. Awww!

    I so love that guy! 🙂



  229.  #229mali on January 10, 2012 at 3:18 am

    @ VW: I feel so grateful and so supported by your softness… so loved that I want to cry…

    It takes me back to times when I would give everything to help people when younger, in listening to their problems… I would try to be their “person”, because that was the only thing to me that gave me any worth or sense of self esteem… And I want to cry for that child, and tell her that she doesn’t have to support everyone, but let people support her too… makes my throat ache and feel teary… *sigh*

    I just feel so loved!



  230.  #230Aurora Girl on January 10, 2012 at 3:38 am

    Good morning Sirens

    reading through the blog….some personal stories of pain and hurt..some past, some still part of our lives…..

    Kayla I too can relate to your story of being at home in what feels like toxic space……for me it was when I finally left at 18 to go to school away from home that opened new doors and new people for me…..I never did get an apology from my dad (now deceased) for the abusive times and my mom would rather just forget it now (“oh you kids turned out just fine” ) but there is hope and baby steps towards better things…….

    There is support here and good ideas to try on……I do hope you can reach for good things to manage the depression, all of which have been mentioned here…..taking what fits for you and working with it….moving slowly (or quickly for that matter) out of this mucky place. Depression is real and too hard to manage and heal alone at times……….There is love for you here and support…..we are real too.

    xo Aurora



  231.  #231Lizka on January 10, 2012 at 3:40 am

    BW we miss you! Well I do. Lol. Happy to see that things are doing great with TH. xoxo



  232.  #232Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 3:43 am

    @ FW #152 and Turquoise #154

    Thank you for your feedback. Well I had the conversation with him this morning. I called to see if he was going to be working overtime today because I had something for him and wanted to drop it off this evening. He works outside and I told him about some handwarmers he could use to insert in his gloves. He asked if I bought them and I said that they were only $1. This offered a great segue.

    M: I chuckled and asked what is the amount I can spend before running it by him.
    K: You can spend whatever you want to spend
    M: Oh ok…just wondering since you riffed about me wanting to buy a new sweat suit
    K: a sweat suit for you?
    M: yes…and you brought up trying to save about $200 a month am I on a spending diet too?
    K: I thought you wanted to save?
    M: I do….Just wanted to know what’s the plan. Are we saving together? What’s your thoughts?
    K: No did we start saving together?
    M: No we didn’t….and that’s what I’m asking is it something we are going to start?
    K: No it was for you.
    M: Oh ok….well I’m already saving $200 a month
    K: Oh yeah…Ok well congratulations
    M:Thank you…..glad that’s cleared up

    (General chit chat)

    M: Ok well I’m going to get dressed now.
    K: You’re going to get dressed now?
    M: yes….I’m flattered you are interested in me saving… thank you I appreciate that
    K: Alright so you’re gonna drop those warmers off?
    M: Yes
    K: ok
    M: so I’ll call you when I get home

    end of conversation



  233.  #233Aurora Girl on January 10, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Well Sirens

    my LD texted me this morning as he is on the road and driving here….left his home at 5:30am….(he was originally going to leave at 6:30am)….he is so pumped! My children love his company here and I have not told my youngest as she will be excited when he arrives…..she literally races me to hug him when he gets out of his car…..too funny. He loves it. I took so long to introduce any of my love interests to my children I was so protective of them…..but he has captured our hearts.

    I have adjusted my work day so we can spend some time…….we had a chat the other day about where things are headed and I felt good about it. The LD will always be a part of our lives I think….even if he spends a lot of time here and I there…..I think our relationship will always be “provincial” in the sense that family is in one area of the province and in another area and children are moving to other parts to go to school, etc. We will always be on the road to see them all with two home bases….one in the east and one in the west…..it’s a new concept for me…but maybe there will be some opportunity in it….the two of us gradually moving towards spending most of our time together as a unit…….we are lucky our work schedules allow it…….

    and in the middle of it how do I feel…..that’s my mantra…….is there joy?

    yes.

    are there negative voices…..ha lol yes……

    I like the idea of giving them a cookie and I think I’ll send them out to play and run somewhere else!!!!

    love to you sirens…..

    off to start the day!
    xo
    Aurora



  234.  #234Aurora Girl on January 10, 2012 at 4:22 am

    hmmmm..afterthought…..I think I needed to post that for myself…to get some kind of vision of where this LD is going……

    kind of like setting my intention? focusing on a vision in relationship?

    from past experience I know that’s so important….like setting a course…..

    I feel clearer……

    xo



  235.  #235Francesca on January 10, 2012 at 4:34 am

    You’re welcome, Brenda! I was once in your situation (not exactly the same, but similar), so I can relate. That kind of information really opened my eyes.



  236.  #236Francesca on January 10, 2012 at 4:43 am

    (((Kayla)))

    I really feel for you.

    It would be great if you could reach out and seek some exterior help.

    I agree with the other sirens here who suggested you should probably move out. I know you’re only 19 and that it feels scary to do so but if you want to get back on track and have more control on your own life, that is the probably the best way to go.



  237.  #237Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 5:35 am

    That’s the way to do it Jenny. Let’s see how much he pursues you from here on.



  238.  #238Lizka on January 10, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Feeling weird this morning. Mix of sadness, angryness and nostalgy.

    I feel mad at my CDs for not steping up. Are they all poofing at the same time? My god what did I do? Is it the price for a not-that-good-2-weeks-vacation? I haven’t receive ONE call or a text since I am back. From nobody except LaughingCD who answered my text message yesterday. I just couldn’t stand to have news from anybody so I sent him a FM about my vacation and he just replied “Happy New Year. I know I was jealous of your pictures [on Facebook]. Then I said nothing and that’s it.

    I feel nostalgic of last fall when E was calling me every weeks to go out or to do activities and was showing me up to his friends and saying cute things. Last news I have from him are fron before Christmas. Nothing since. I feel angry to be a yo-yo date. I don’t want to be dated for two months and then ignored for 3. And then dated for anoter month. This lasted for 5 years already. I feel angry and I want to tell him. But I doubt that he cares at this point…

    And I feel angry at P but I’m not sure why. An I feel teary when I think of it. I’m just aghhh that he lives His life and isn’t thinking at me. I want to yell at him that I told him to not call me if it’s not for romantic reasons so why the h*ll did you find me on Facebook when we’re not even friends there and why did you sent me a message on New Year. I said romantic reasons!! Happy New Year to everyone you know IS NOT a romantic reason.

    I feel mad at me too and I feel guilty because I usually hadle it good and I don’t think too much about E and P and I don’f feel that much anger and nostalgy to be forgotten. I don’t know. Maybe I feel lonely…



  239.  #239Lizka on January 10, 2012 at 5:43 am

    And I also feel scared because one of my coworker is now posting on this blog. Actually I feel happy but weird. She’s a nice girl and she’s the one who introduced me to Rori’s programs when I was loosing P last summer. I feel I can trust her but I still feel like being naked. I really write everything i do here, all my thoughts. And until today I was anonymous. Now someone knows who i am here. Well at least I know who she is too. Lol. But what if she judges me because of the fact i am circular dating? What if she judges my feelings? I feel really naked and afraid. I Have to heal that. She’s a siren too after all. She should understand. 

    If you read this, you know who you are. This is not about you. It’s about me and my fears of being judged and telling my feelings. I love you and thank youfor introducing me to siren island. 🙂



  240.  #240Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 6:00 am

    Kayla what I am going to say is tough but unfortunately it is a reality. You have to try to find a way to take responsibility for your life. It will be a babystep to what you want and to realize for yourself that you can have some control. I have heard siomething similar to the abortion thing from my mother but it was about her own misery. I feel compassionate towards them as it relates to your anger. Nowbody really wants to be around angry people because it is contagious, it spreads like a disease so it is kind of understandable that they might not know how to help you with your anger. I am sure there is some guilt there also because they must realize that you did not ask to be here/there. Again I encourage you to look for a way that you can contribute to society to help you build up some sense of the value of your life. It will help to feed your soul and distract you for a while from your problems. It might even help you to be grateful for the little you have if you are able to help someone worse off than you. I feel for you deeply but I believe all is not lost. With a little focus you can rebuild your life.



  241.  #241Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 6:20 am

    As part of my research, I found and interviewed over 150 unconditionally loving people I call “Love Luminaries,” including scientists, psychologists, spiritual teachers, and people whose lives were rich in the qualities of the heart-to find out how to be unconditionally loving.

    What I discovered through my research is that each of us can grow in unconditional love, the kind of love that doesn’t depend on any person or situation, what I call Love for No Reason. I found 14 keys that will help you experience this higher state of love more and more of the time. Here are three tips to get you started:

    1. Anchor Yourself in Safety. Feeling stressed, unsupported, or fearful essentially takes love off-line. It’s impossible to activate the physiology of unconditional love when you’re experiencing stress and your body is in fight or flight. To quickly switch out of stress mode, take a few deep breaths and consciously relax your pelvic floor, located at the base of your body. This kick-starts your parasympathetic system and sets the stage for what mind/body health expert Dr. Eva Selhub calls your body’s “love response.”

    2. Feel Your Feelings. Stifling your emotions or expressing them excessively is equally damaging to your capacity to experience unconditional love. Luckily, there’s a third option: feeling your feelings. This is not the same as “expressing, exaggerating or acting out,”as Love Luminary Raphael Cushnir told me. “All it requires is a gentle focus, a turning toward what’s actually present.”
    Practice experiencing your feelings directly and completely by observing them as they move through your mind and body-and then letting them go.

    3. Practice Self-Compassion. Try a simple self-love technique that brings you into your heart and reminds you to treat yourself with care. Throughout the day, ask yourself, What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? or What’s the most loving way I can be with myself right now? And then pay attention to the answer and actually do whatever it is. When you love and take care of yourself, you’ll find it inevitably serves everyone.

    Practice these simple exercises frequently and you’ll notice more love in your heart. Learning to experience pure love within yourself is the key to living a life of unconditional love. When you fill your own love tank, you bring that love to everything in your life.

    Then, as Mirabai experienced, you still love people and things outside yourself. The difference is that your love doesn’t depend on any of those things, whether people, jobs, relationships, cars, clothes….or even cabbages.

    (By Marci Shimoff. Adapted from the NY Times bestselling book Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love.



  242.  #242Starla on January 10, 2012 at 7:09 am

    good morning everyone:)
    good morning, kayla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    la la la
    have a nice day
    byeeeeeee



  243.  #243River Girl on January 10, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Have a great day Starlalala!!!!



  244.  #244Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 7:17 am

    After KR and I got off the phone I felt relieved that we had the conversation as well as feeling thrilled that it happened naturally without being forced and it did not turn into an arguement.

    Of course I didn’t like his answers and my nasty voice wanted to shout at him asking why the fuck is he so interested in what I do with my money – why do you care whether I save or not – if I want to buy a sweat suit and new car a new couch new bed – new used or whatever what business is it of yours!!!! Who and what gives you the right to talk about to me about my finances. It’s never Ok to speak on those things if the plan is not a joint plan



  245.  #245Daria on January 10, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Mocha berry – I felt so tense reading your conversation.

    If that was me, I would just stop, take a deep breath, and act like a baby/little girl

    Say like : uffff

    Ok …

    Well there’s something I feel unconfortable about!!!!!
    And I want to be open….

    I don’t know how much to spend I feel weird about the savings thing and I feel weird talking about it!!!

    🙁

    **Sulky face**

    Big eyes…

    What do you think???



  246.  #246Dominique on January 10, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Emerson – #207

    “DNA having a memory or something like that?” – Yes absolutely.

    Seems unfair in a way to have to deal with out own hardships, hurts, and traumas, but to have memory of some of our ancestor’s…

    Maybe it’s there to help us gain perspective and/or for deeper healing and growing. Not all people are as in tune with this kind of thing, and in this respect, it’s a good thing.

    Deep awareness = Profound Healing

    xxoo



  247.  #247Daria on January 10, 2012 at 7:24 am

    This feels ridiculous scary but it will instantly connect w heart warmth…

    The convo seemed like you were pinking him saying sarcastic stuff and emasculating him



  248.  #248Ella on January 10, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Reporting for Team Leanback…

    I have not been a good Siren.

    I just leant forward with male co-worker and now feeling a lil silly and icky with myself.

    I know in itself it is no big deal… just thought I knew better by now!!

    So after the staff party the other night a few of us went back to his house and as per the other night he and I ended up sitting up all night chatting and cuddling.

    When the morning came and everyone else had gone I was suddoenly overcome with the most excrutiating period pains… I was in agony.

    I wanted to go home however neither of us had our car there so he basically put me into his bed, went and got pain killers, and then sat with me and stroked my hair until the pain killers took effect.

    I was literally on the floor writhing in pain and doubled over at one point, looking back it was quite embarrassing. But he was really sweet and wanted to look after me.

    After the pain eased off I wanted to sleep so he just left me there to sleep for a few hours.

    Later I got up and then we spent the rest of the day cuddling and watching films.

    He wanted me to stay the night but I said no, I had to go home.

    He wanted to plan the next date and asked me to come over today (this evening) for pizza and a film. I said no as I have Zumba.

    So then we started trying to plan when we are both of work, but were struggling to find a time when we are both free.

    So we left it that we would do something at the weekend, he said how about if he takes the weekend off and spends it with me, however when I got home I realised that might even be tricky for me. I have some stuff booked.

    Well today he text me to see how I am this morning and I replied, and I was thinking about it and decided that I could go and watch a film there after Zumba, but that I didn’t want to drive.

    So I sent him a text, saying I could go over after all however I won’t stay the night and I would feel better being picked up so I don’t have to drive on my own in the dark.

    So that was my lean forward.

    He hasn’t yet replied.

    No big deal however I realise it would have been better to wait for him to text me again.

    I guess I was wanting something. Feeling a bit urgent (to say yes I do want to see him tonight).

    I have been feeling a lil insecure and anxious this evening. And still a bit achy with my period.

    The red flag I mention is that he drinks etc… however he says he doesn’t do it that often. I am watching to see.



  249.  #249Mel on January 10, 2012 at 7:27 am

    @ Emerson Re: DNA memory

    It’s called epigenetics. Really cool field of study. 🙂

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epigenetics



  250.  #250Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 7:32 am

    @ Daria #240 – I feel bad that the conversation made you feel tense.

    I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable at all talking with him about it – I simply wanted to know what his thought process was when he talked about saving as well as what his plans were about savings.



  251.  #251siren song on January 10, 2012 at 7:38 am

    emerson @ 194:

    yeah, it’s hard to believe how things change when we…follow our feelings. i just feel…sad and drained around certain people like my ex now. i probably always did but didn’t notice…

    hmmm



  252.  #252Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 7:42 am

    @Daria #242 – The convo seemed like you were pinking him saying sarcastic stuff and emasculating him

    Feeling confused about your statement.



  253.  #253Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 7:43 am

    My comment seems to be in moderation –

    After KR and I got off the phone I felt relieved that we had the conversation as well as feeling thrilled that it happened naturally without being forced and it did not turn into an arguement.



  254.  #254Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Mochaberri life include making mistakes so even if it was a mistake you have still learned something from the conversation. Also you being in the situation itself gave you the opportunity to use your intuition or notice where you weren’t using it. I guess you will notice later if you stepped over him in any way by his behavior towards you.



  255.  #255Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:06 am

    I am having fun at guyfriend CD house. After LoverCD walked me here. Hehe.

    Feels good.

    And I feel so angry towards my house.

    I feel awful and squeezed like a sponge.

    Ugh.

    🙁

    I love me.



  256.  #256Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:11 am

    The alone behavior I do is pick my nose. I feel so ashamed of that. Jezuz crist. I might have to keep that personal as part of my shower cleaning routine.

    Hmm like that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

    I’m cleaning my nose.

    I feel petrified mortified . No ! Firebrand
    Unconfortable

    That is Wrong.

    And it is Disgusting!

    You are Disgusting!

    And I never want to see you again!

    *end scene *

    But the real life goes on.

    I feel bad.

    Sigh.

    I feel relieved now.

    I’m being left alone.

    Feeling shaky.

    Mom says to numb it out by saying some tasty thing.

    Ugh.

    No

    I don’t want to.

    I feel the energy.

    In my hands.

    Mmmm.

    YMHA

    Umphy.



  257.  #257Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 8:14 am

    @ FW #249 Yes I agree that life includes mistakes and the best part is when you learn not to make the same mistake twice.

    I appreciate the feedback and welcome them all -I’m really feeling confused – I really don’t feel that I made a mistake in having the conversation with him and really feel delighted that he answered me honestly.

    Stepped over him??



  258.  #258Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Mocha berry at least you were sassy not doormat but now you’re gonna babysteps into vulnerable.

    Like when you said ‘am I on a spending diet too? ‘ it seemed kinda sarcastic

    Also when you said ‘oh just wondering cuz you ruffed’. Seems kinda blaming and bringing up a past drama

    I know it was said in fun maybe and sounded friendly

    But to connect w romance you have to drop any business and be all girl – all feeling messages, all poetry…

    Especially none of the 4 rules for respecting a man!

    And keep on surrendering

    from the moment he says hello.



  259.  #259Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:19 am

    I don’t think you really trust this Rori stuff, and that’s ok.

    If you do, I would right here take the script of the convo and translate it all to fm’s and don’t wants.

    Then what stands out I try next time.



  260.  #260Tiffany on January 10, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Yay! I love this post. <3



  261.  #261Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 8:28 am

    @ Daria #242 – after re-reading your comment as well as the convo I posted, I understand your feeling I was being sarcastic when I said am I on a spending diet and that was simply an inside thing between he and I – when we were hanging out on New Years Day after breakfast, he mentioned that after going out on NYE that he didn’t want to spend any more large amounts of money like that anytime soon – no more going out like that for a while. So I responded by saying “wow! that sounds bad to hear – are we going on a date diet?” And his response was I mean not spending anymore money like that.

    I do not feel that I emasulated him in anyway and feel that you are reading more into it to come up with that and that feels awful to me. I actually did tell him that I didn’t know how much I should spend that would be acceptable before discussing it with him….however, now that I have a clear understanding that at this moment his plan is not for us to save together I do not need to discuss with him how I spend my money



  262.  #262Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:35 am

    M: I chuckled and asked what is the amount I can spend before running it by him.

    (you’re asking while laughing… Not serious… It’s like making fun of him and his idea of saving . Also you’re asking him what to do w Your money Which feels weird, especially w the threatening laughter.

    It’s like ‘the innocent question’ scenario here.

    It’s almost like you’re saying, w your laughter

    ‘I feel mad being told what to do with my finances.

    While smiling and asking. It sounds like the laughter is inappropriate… Like there’s an agenda a scheme.. It feels inauthentic.)

    K: You can spend whatever you want to spend

    (he sounds defensive. He might feel pressured by you it’s kinda lean forward to ask him if you can spend Your Own finances. He probably feels frightened and attacked almost as in why is she asking me a Trap Question?)

    M: Oh ok…just wondering since you riffed about me wanting to buy a new sweat suit

    K: a sweat suit for you?
    (surprised defensive)

    M: yes…and you brought up trying to save about $200 a month am I on a spending diet too?

    K: I thought you wanted to save?

    (defensive?)
    M: I do….Just wanted to know what’s the plan. Are we
    saving together? What’s your thoughts?

    K: No did we start saving together?

    (taking feminine role to get back from pressure about suggesting saving together)

    M: No we didn’t….and that’s what I’m asking is it something we are going to start?

    K: No it was for you.

    (relieved now, it’s just a clarification, he’s not gonna be pressured trapped into anything)

    M: Oh ok….well I’m already saving $200 a month

    K: Oh yeah…Ok well congratulations

    (feels bad, like you’re competing e him and told him he’s not needed or . Might even be resentful like… Why is she relinquish me that shd try a rub it in how good she is?)

    M:Thank you…..glad that’s cleared up

    (General chit chat)

    M: Ok well I’m going to get dressed now.
    K: You’re going to get dressed now?
    M: yes….I’m flattered you are interested in me saving… thank you I appreciate that
    K: Alright so you’re gonna drop those warmers off?
    M: Yes
    K: ok
    M: so I’ll call you when I get home
    (this is so masculine energy.)

    end of conversation



  263.  #263Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:37 am

    You are dropping off leg warmers… Not creating romance. Or taking the feminine role.

    Perhaps you are truly comfortable being in the masculine role and that can work for you with this man?



  264.  #264lk on January 10, 2012 at 8:38 am

    ooh i just checked out the lunch CDcd packed for me… salad, hard boiled eggs, nuts & goji berries, hummus, kale… : ))) yummy : ))) & we had the best sushi last night. healthy body lk – emotions are chemical reactions – you are what you eat : )

    i feel so much better than yesterday… i got good sleep & CDcd let me sleep in so late… he woke really early to make the eggs & hummus & everything… & drove me to work…. it was so relaxing to be driven to work !

    i did say, i feel so glad & relaxed to not be going to the casino tonight…. but i did feel a little disappointed. & he said, we can go later & we’ll have a special night : )

    i couldn’t have gone to the casino ! he made me a cup of tea & i took 1 sip & tipped over asleep in his lap lol

    cr8zy that i knew this thing about work would happen…

    & yesterday we were talking about work & CDcd was making me feel amazing, saying i didn’t have to work 8 hours a day & that I should follow my passion & just telling me how good he thinks I am &…. yeah, just really nice chatting about it.

    i was able to tell him, i’m able to be soft at work…. like a naked woman napping with her belly exposed…….. because i know there is a lion next to me. i’m the leo-virgo cusp – i’m the Lion & the Witch – but not frozen & separate – united & melted : ) & then later he brought me the lion blanket to cuddle with – a heavy blanket with a big lion on it… & put it on the bed when we slept, saying, the lion will protect you while you sleep naked : ) yum

    i’m getting such good visions about my future & my work life : ) so cr8zy because i remember when i first got the knowledge about the big work change…. i FREAKED. like… was having stomachaches & shallow breathing when i thought of it & i convinced myself it wasn’t really going to happen, but now it is & i’m part of it ! & i have wayyy advance warning….

    & i said to CDcd… yeah, it’s weird… i don’t want to move anymore, but i did want to move to california. i thought i was going to move to San Francisco & get a marketing job, but my best friend just moved to San Francisco & got the exact job i was thinking of & so maybe i was just dreaming of that…. & he said, oh, i was thinking of moving to California but I told the business i wanted to stay here & see where things went with this relationship, but if you’d be willing to move, we could get a house together in California. WHAT ?!?!?!?! that’s real. that happened. literally, all my dreams are coming true.



  265.  #265Tiffany on January 10, 2012 at 8:39 am

    I came to the blog feeling rather hopeless this morning.

    Seems like all the men I get involved with/date/who are interested in me are “unavailable.” I am not necessarily picking them that way. They make themselves “available” at the beginning. In fact, I am used to having men give themselves freely to me – and it feels so good! But then, for the long term, it turns out they are not available. Blaaaaaahhhhh.

    A. is just a “snack” – a really tasty, sweet and savory snack.

    V is also kind of like a snack. Or more like a special meal or dish that you only have once in a while, and you really enjoy it, but you know you can’t have it every day. He’s like fois gras (and yes, perhaps morally suspect as well;).

    K – what is he?? I think perhaps he came on too strong, even for himself. And perhaps I didn’t let myself feel or sink enough into it. But the fact is, he lied. And I know why he lied, even without him telling me. But I was deceived. The entire time that I dated him, I wasn’t really dating him, because I didn’t know the truth. And that makes me feel so, so sad, I cannot even quite fully describe. :((((((

    But he, too, is not really available to me, either. And it’s not anything I did. And it’s not anything I can control. *sigh*

    And I’m worried about my finances again.

    One good month wasn’t enough to get me afloat again. Now I’m sinking if I don’t get help or find some way to buoy myself up. Yuck.

    And I wonder – when will this end? I see people every day who have perfectly financially stable lives. They live in nice homes and buy things for their kids. I want to think and believe that that’s possible for me. But part of me feels resigned to the fact that this might be just genetic. My father and I seem identical in this way. But then again, maybe that’s just a story that’s been fed to me, by both my mother and my father – that my father is flawed in this way, and i want to be like my father, so I’ve emulated even is ineffective and non-functioning money habits. Or it was just that I had no good example of how to handle money at home. You handle it? No, you don’t. You spend it as quick as possible, that’s how you handle it. You never have enough – that’s how you survive. You always need that tension of working so hard, but never being able to meet your bills. You want to tell the story of how you lost so much money on the house or the deal, or whatever it was, so that you can blame some external factor for your current reality. When really the truth is, you make choices. Every day, you make choices, and you create your own reality. If this is my reality, it means I’ve created it this way. If I had wanted to choose something different, I would have. And maybe I ran away from it before – out of fear. Maybe I am still hiding from it – afraid. Afraid to shine. Afraid to succeed. Afraid to be and feel loved by myself. Afraid to have what I need, because if all my needs were fulfilled, then I wouldn’t “need” anyone else to help me….Ah, that’s where it is, isn’t it? That’s the codependent core of all of this. *I* can’t succeed and be happy and fulfilled and financially stable – because if I was, then it would leave no room for anyone else to step in and fill that space and “make” me feel loved and needed and wanted by helping me financially. Yes. I know that is how this is, and I see it. And yet, I feel at a loss to how to fix it. But I am not going to try to fix it right now. I am just going to open my hands. I am going to go into a receptive, “surrender” position. And open to receive….the kind of wisdom that would allow me to find the way to succeed, without fear, using all the tools and abilities that I have at my disposal. Not waiting for a hand-out from someone else. But really building up from the inside. From my core. That’s what I hope for right now. Yeah, that, and somehow a way to pay all the enormous bills that are staring me in the face – and/or the courage to get brutal and cut out some of the things I don’t need….



  266.  #266Ella on January 10, 2012 at 8:40 am

    I am feeling very insecure today.

    And needy.

    Like a tight ball of nervous energy in my tum.

    Want big, strong arms of a man to take care of me.

    Hmmm, ok, big strong arms I have got too.

    Have just been feeling low energy this afternoon.

    Like humph!

    Have still got some stuff done.

    Thanks Ella for sorting my washing.
    Thanks Ella for making that health drink to boost my immune system.
    Thanks Ella for practicing Zumba so that my class is better tonight.
    Thanks for doing that other work to help my business grow.
    Thanks for picking nice clothes to dress me in.

    Hmmm, it felt good being cuddled by male work colleague the other day.

    Yuuumm.

    I’ll have some more of that pls.

    But for tonight just a nice Zumba class then home to eat some healthy food and snuggle into a warm bed, and maybe review a Rori programme.

    Yes, that feels good.



  267.  #267Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Mocha berry it just felt really inauthentic and strategized.

    A way to find that out authentically is to talk directly to him

    Instead of laugh and chuckle and side ask and then get to. ‘that is the q… Are we?’

    Right when it comes up as something important to your mind:

    ‘Hey I feel so embarrased and Uncomfortable talking about this… Um… I feel confused did we talk about saving together? That might feel nice… ‘



  268.  #268Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 8:44 am

    209 Daria – how did you clear it? Tapping?

    211 Brenda I am aware of the generational curses and the biblical references. Thanks for the info. Ironically, my granfather was a very “religious” man.
    I guess it was acceptable to beat women back then in Europe. Nobody did anything about it so women were helpless.



  269.  #269Tiffany on January 10, 2012 at 8:45 am

    And yes, the thought has occurred to me – if these men are not fully available, then perhaps it is the case that I am not fully “available” to them. And so I wonder – in what ways am I not available? how am I hiding myself so that they can’t really see me? Probably hiding my feelings. stuffing down my true dreams and desires. Probably hiding them even from myself….



  270.  #270Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 8:49 am

    212 STS all I can say is WOW!!! I am so glad you shared all this. Kinda funny what you mentioned because I’ve also been into horses my whole life, and I’ve owned them and trained them, etc…however my parents have zero interest and never introduced me to horses at all. I did it myself. My abusive grandfather whom I never met (because he died before I was born) was an accomplished horseman in his day. So yes, I understand your connections. I enjoyed reading your post very much, and thank you for sharing about yourself. It was really hepful. I’m sorry about your Mom and Dad.

    215 Silver moonbeam I never thought of that, and with the utmost respect to you, I don’t really believe in that, but it sounds interesting and intriguing to think about.

    218/219 thanks FW I will see if I can find the book. Yes that is perhaps why I’m scared of tapping. I feel scared at the fact that everyone knows about this DNA thing and that it’s probably real. It feels weird and scary but I feel relieved that there is some significance around my weird “memories” and not just stuff I thought of myself to be self destructive or something. It also explains perhaps why I’ve been attracted to men with abusive histories in their homes or they are physical abusers themselves. YIKES.

    240 Dominique says-“Deep awareness = Profound Healing” I’m so happy to read this and I feel relieved to think of it that way…thank you tinque.

    243 Mel thank you for the link, I took a peek at it, but I look forward to reading it a bit more closely. Interesting stuff!



  271.  #271Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Mochaberri it is just a figure of speech. I am not suggesting that you made a mistake. My concern is that you let go of the conversation because it already happened. Stressing over a mistake will not change it. It will only create trapped energy inside you.



  272.  #272Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 8:52 am

    re: my comment to FW in 264: I meant abusive histories in their homes growing up…they had violent upbringings.



  273.  #273Daria on January 10, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Mocha berry why does it feel so bad to read about being in masculine energy… Is it cuz youre not ready to look at it yet?

    It’s ok. It is totally fixable.

    All the good feelings will still be yours, just that you’ll have more control… Of your own happiness than being tied to a guys mood



  274.  #274Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 8:55 am


  275.  #275Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 8:55 am


  276.  #276Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 8:58 am

    @ Daria #253 and 254 – I truly trust in Rori’s programs and trust wholeheartly in them. I admit that as a work in progress I may not word everything using feeling messages.

    My saying “just wondeing because you riffed about me wanting to buy a sweatsuit” I used a feeling message earlier asking what his plans were when he talked about saving and he asked me what did I want to know so that was my answer which I followed with I don’t know what is acceptable to spend with having to discuss with him.

    I was all girly with him during the conversation and feel that is why it didn’t turn into an arugment and we both listened to each other – a great step for us



  277.  #277luzydel on January 10, 2012 at 9:03 am

    I am going to use Darias approach an believe that s cares about me and that is why he offered to help. I have no obvious reason to believe something negative. Just let it be and keep on moving forward …



  278.  #278Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 9:07 am

    @ FW #266 – oh I feel so much better – yes I have let go of the conversation and feel good that it took place as it happened – totally natural – no stress and clarity received.

    Yes I do tend to trap the negative energy in my body after having a conversation that has potential to go far left – I don’t feel that.

    I’m only bringing this to light because it’s not the first time that he’s made mention about my spending. My intuition leads me to believe that he wants to know that I have the capability to save and not spend frivolously.
    What frustrates me is that when I mention that I need to buy something he comments about how I don’t need whatever I’m talking about. And then talks about how I need to save – not knowing that I already have a savings plan and have had it for some time now.



  279.  #279Ella on January 10, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Hmmm, I was in my masc energy when I texted him up and basically told him what I wanted to happen tonight.

    Like ‘this is what you must do!!’

    Humph.

    Reckon I did it cus my feelings are uncomfortable to sit with today.

    He was lovely and replied back saying he would still love to see me and I am welcome anytime, but that he still hasn’t collected his car from work.

    I texted a giggle and ‘oh, what shall we do then?’

    Him ‘I’m not sure’ then another text about my lovely smile.

    Then some more texts back and forwards about mys smile with me being girly.

    I am dropping it about tonight, and focusing on looking after me and my icky feelings atm.



  280.  #280Ella on January 10, 2012 at 9:10 am

    I have been a good lil Siren about J though.

    After all that the other night he has still not answered my reply on FB or called again.

    After some thought and touching in with my feelings I did accept him on FB as a friend yesteday, however I then unsubscribed from his newsfeed so I will not see what he is up to all the time, and haven’t really thought about it since.

    I feel proud of myself about this.

    He no longer triggers the same reactions/responses in me that he used to.

    I no longer feel/react the same way.

    Meaning.

    He has lost his power over me.

    I have taken back my power.



  281.  #281Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 9:12 am

    274 Yay Ella!!!
    I love that feeling.
    Siren!!



  282.  #282Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Mochaberri look for your pattern around relating about the issue when he brings it up. She it there is any trigger in there for you or if internall you say “he always” talks about my spending. Then look for a different natural way to handle it. That way you break your own pattern with awareness. You might feel a little criticized or like he is picking yourlife style apart when he mentions the saving and you could switch your thought that bringing it up is his way of looking out for you. Maybe instead of responding to him when he brings it up just take a minute to bring your awareness to your body and see if you feel any tension anywhere.



  283.  #283Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 9:23 am

    @ Daria #268 – Oh sweet Daria – you are soo great!!!

    I know that I tend to come from masuline energy and I don’t feel bad hearing that -It really feels warm and tingly to hear and it helps me to re direct.

    I took care of myself and approached the topic with great femininity and got what I needed – clarity. And I hope that it’s the last that he and I will discuss until it’s about us pooling our resources together.

    Yes I like to be in control of myself, my feelings and of me – I’ve lost control more times than I care to admit to and I no longer tie myself to a man’s mood – if he’s pissy it’s not my fault – I can only be resonsible for my own happines and do not look to someone else to provide that to me

    I have awesome wonderful girly feelings and I love them!!!!



  284.  #284Ella on January 10, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Emerson.

    Thank you.

    🙂



  285.  #285Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 9:27 am

    I feel that the most healing thing that could happen is if everyone in my family would stop pretending that this never happened with my grandfather and be open about it and open about the pain and damage. But I doubt that will happen. They even have family reunions back in Europe based on his lineage, etc. and to be honest I never felt connected to those events.

    I also know that growing up, we would visit Europe I always felt a twinge when going to the house my Mom grew up in where family members still live to this day…and something always bothered me there. I even had nights where I could not sleep AT ALL while staying there, just wide awake and crying. I’m not kidding. And now I know why. And this was all before I knew anything about the abuse. It was kept sooo quiet by everyone. I hate that. It feels smothering and like a squeeze on my head and I want to throw up and cry.



  286.  #286Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 9:29 am

    I open yahoo and this is the article that pops up first. More news about abuse
    http://beta.local.yahoo.com/news-only-cbs2-la-mayor-villaraigosa-discusses-childhood-secret



  287.  #287Lush_Oasis on January 10, 2012 at 9:41 am

    G’morning Sirens. I feel thrilled that the ground is blanketed in a layer of snow and everything looks so pure and innocent. *sigh*

    I feel intrigued by the CDing concept now as it seems more and more “types” of men are revealing themselves. I was hoping I could receive some feedback on the newest scenarios that are revealing themselves today:

    1) I went out with a group of girls for a night out, and several guys approached our table, and one stuck with me; the others found the person of interest for their night and so our group got larger just by being there. The guy that stuck with me for the night was drinking and after all of us finished dancing (again), a friend of mine spoke up and suggested that it sure would feel nice to have one of those [beverages] that he was drinking. He then asked if we were thirsty, and I told him I would feel better having a cold [beverage] at that moment.

    The guy went over to the bar area and ordered a [beverage] for himself, but did not get any for me or my friend – or anyone else in the group for that matter. I didn’t feel comfortable with that situation and didn’t think twice of him much after that. I feel confused — why would he even consider asking if we would be interested in a drink, if he wasn’t going to bring one back for us? I left with the group shortly after that scene 🙂

    2) Another CD I have not met yet in person and I have been talking almost continuously for the past five nights! He seems like a fabulous person — has similar interests, stable career, etc. etc. etc. He wants to meet me, but he works graveyard shifts and it makes it difficult to coordinate the schedules.

    He’s made several comments that instantly make me feel triggered because the comments he made were nearly the same comments that my past relationships would say to me. I acknowledge my feelings [to myself] and reassure myself that this person is *not* the same as the ones from my past — give him the benefit of the doubt. And after I do that, I feel more relaxed and am able to continue the conversation.

    Having texted / talked / emailed this CD for the past five nights, I’m feeling concerned because this morning, he started making comments that: “he is falling for me based on my words alone … that he can’t explain it .. its just how he feels…and that it feels awesome” and in earlier conversations he’s mentioned that “he likes me” and that he appreciates that “I am easy to talk to”…. “that the conversations feel real, no bs, no lies, etc.”.

    Yay!? I feel proud of myself for totally leaning back and staying in my feminine energy with this person, but I continue to feel my guard go up when he makes comments like that because of my past experiences.

    He is working on arranging for an actual “date” this weekend, but with his work schedule, he hasn’t been able to commit to a time yet. I told him I don’t feel comfortable going out with him if he’s feeling exhausted. I would feel better waiting for another time. He’s still trying to work things out for this weekend. He, also, lives about an hour from me, but he’s already told me that “its the proper thing for the guy to drive to the lady … and that is what he will do”. I feel amazed that he even said that without me even making an offer at all! I’m still feeling my over-functioning old me wanting to step back in and go to his area to “help” out.

    So… long story short… I feel my walls go up with CD2 .. its only been five days (granted the conversations have carried on for many hours on end), and some of his remarks instantly flashback to someone / something from my past that makes me feel all ‘eww’ and I don’t want to feel like I’m drawing comparisons between him and the people / experiences from my past. I want to remain open and see where things go, but I don’t want to be foolish either.

    It seems this person and I have *many* common interests and goals and perspectives on relationships, which is unusual for so many things to align just right in my experience. He is 9 years older than I am but has never been married, though one of his relationships lasted for over 6 years. So I feel comfortable believing that he is not afraid of being in a committed relationship.

    From what little I posted here, is it my past relationship malfunctions and memories that are throwing up my walls? Is his behavior something that should be sending red flags up? Am I right to give him the benefit of the doubt knowing that he is not the same as the people that I had in my past relationships; knowing that he has stated his beliefs and they are in alignment with mine?

    What do you ladies think?



  288.  #288siren song on January 10, 2012 at 9:48 am

    FW 218:

    This is so strange…a friend suggested i check out that book about a month ago!



  289.  #289Ella on January 10, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I feel really sad and empty today.

    You know how men can go off into their caves after being really connected and intimate with us?

    For me it seems to work the other way, instead of feeling top up after getting loads of love and affection, I actually feel needy and crave it more!

    Time for me to love on myself me thinks.



  290.  #290Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 9:55 am

    siren song yes indeed.



  291.  #291April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 9:57 am

    lk,

    I feel so warm, excited and inspired by you and by the joyous relationship I perceive you are creating with CDcd.
    He brought you the lion blanket – wow!
    He wants to live with you in California – TRIPLE WOW!!!

    You’re magic.
    Love,
    April Rose



  292.  #292Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Lush_Oasis I have experienced the same thing. I am getting ready to askk a close friend if the feeling messages elicit a physical reaction in their body. One just this morning I shared the feeling of all soft and goey inside and he laughed out loud and said he couldn’t tell me what had just happened to him. I think the words go straight to their heart and they can’t seem to help themselves when they hear the right words that suggest that we are women who can feel. Also remember that they are visual creatures and the brain is the sexiest organ. I believe the words causes them to think about what is possible and it triggers their biology. I don’t know, all I know is that it seems to really turn them on and I have had that experience with man after man.



  293.  #293Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I have begun to really believe that a crowd of women have no chance in the presence of a siren.



  294.  #294Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 10:11 am

    @ FW 277 – Wonderful suggestion!!! That is exactly what was happening – I was being triggered from past conversations of him criticizing how I spend my money – from buying clothes to travelling – my lifestyle as well as not even asking if I’ve taken steps to create a savings plan before critcizing. The trigger also comes from the state of our relationship – at one point yes he had the right to comment. Now with what I’ve learned from having the conversation I will shift my thinking that he is concerned and looking out for me as you suggested.
    This was healing for me and will help to no longer feel tension or triggered about his views of my financial situation – this will allow me to take care of me if this surfaces again. I will tell him that I do not want to discuss this topic – it feels bad to talk about this if we are not creating a fiancial plan together.

    what do you think?



  295.  #295Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Good men, the kind of man you are with or who you want to be with, those men who love and are deeply in love with their woman will seemingly miraculously shift and change, heal and grow right along with you IF you are on a journey to heal and expand your heart, IF you are actively opening yourself to vulnerability, to your authenticity.

    There is apparently something within your healing which inspires your man to become a “better man” for want of another expression. He truly can and will heal more completely, more deeply through YOUR heart. And mostly though this is an unconscious or maybe vaguely conscious process.

    http://sexandheart.com/your-mans-healing-heart



  296.  #296Starla on January 10, 2012 at 10:17 am

    hi:) just popped in to say i am leaning back today:)

    <3



  297.  #297Starla on January 10, 2012 at 10:18 am

    287: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have begun to really believe that a crowd of women have no chance in the presence of a siren.

    truth!



  298.  #298Starla on January 10, 2012 at 10:19 am

    k bye bye again



  299.  #299Jenny on January 10, 2012 at 10:19 am

    286 @ FW

    Yes I have seen it too. A man I writte letter to, asked if I could send him my MSN status as I wrote them, becourse:

    “They make me smile and feel all warm inside when I read them”

    “I’m so impressed by them, how can you write soo good? How do you come up with them?”

    So I just told him, that I simple write what I see and how it makes me feel, one example:

    I Feel all white and puffy when I see the cold snow drape the landscape in winter blanket”



  300.  #300Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Dominique I feel your words deep in my heart and my pelvis. The only thing is feel the fear alongside your soothing words in really scares the he*ll out of me. I just finished reading this article and I feel like crying, I feel like running with the wind to get away from myself. I feel so afraid.



  301.  #301Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Mochaberri I am sure I would share that. I believe I would tell him that I feel confused. Then when he asks why I would tell him that I appreciate his concern about my finances I feel like I am being held back from making my own decisions with my own income. It feels awkward unless we are going to jointly do a savings plan. Then ask him what he thinks. But that is me.



  302.  #302April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Ella,

    Your male co-worker cuddler sounds really cool.
    I’m sorry that you tried to squeeze in an after-Zumba cuddle.
    Best to wait, even a longish wait, until he makes another special time to be with you. He will.

    Hope you have a gorgeous Ella-loving time today. What you gonna do to feel deeply nurtured by you?



  303.  #303Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Mochaberri, I meant “I am not sure I would share that” you want him to be able to open up to discuss any topic with you. Money should not be off limits.



  304.  #304April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 10:29 am

    FW, re 294
    I don’t understand?
    What is scaring you so much?



  305.  #305Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:33 am

    External love feels wonderful, and the sharing of love with another is, in my experience, the highest experience in life. But as long as I was abandoning myself with my self-judgments; staying in my mind and ignoring my feelings; giving myself up to care-take others in the hopes they would love me; getting angry when I didn’t get the love I wanted; crying and being a victim as a form of control; and turning to various addictions such as food, worry and perfectionism, I was unhappy. It took me many years of searching for answers to understand that, until I learned to give myself the love I needed, not only was I unable to share love with another, but another’s love was the icing on the cake – not the cake itself.

    My love for myself needed to form the foundation of my sense of worth, safety and lovability. Realizing this many years ago has brought about profound changes in my life. Now I am the one who is consistently warm, caring, open, honest, gentle, tender, compassionate and sensitive with myself, and the more I am able to be this with myself, the more I am able to be this with others as well.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3005/what-will-love-give-you.html



  306.  #306Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:34 am

    I don’t know either April Rose. It wa just my experience while reading the article that I am sharing. I wish I knew exactly how my heart works.



  307.  #307Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:36 am

    April Rose you can access the article here:-

    http://sexandheart.com/your-mans-healing-heart

    Seems I forgot to include it before



  308.  #308lk on January 10, 2012 at 10:40 am

    it’s unbelievable how much happiness is available in this life. literally laid at your feet by the universe.

    if this is the door prize…. imagine what the Prom Queen gets : )



  309.  #309lilybelly on January 10, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I’m feeling all twisted up in my NV’s and insecurities today. And, I don’t like it. Not one little bit.

    T seems to have retreated to the man cave after an exceptionally wonderful weekend. I do not like that.

    I am, however, leaning back…

    I hate feeling like this.



  310.  #310Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:42 am

    The reason for this is called cellular memory.

    Cellular memory (as the name implies) is basically the memory that resides inside the cells within the body. That’s right; every single one of the cells in your body actually has a memory of its own.

    Each of the cells within the body actually stores reserves of information related to past experiences (both positive and negative) within their memory.

    Once A Cell Stores A Memory From A Negative Experience, It Will Relapse And Recreate Negative Related Experiences.
    This is often the reason why someone who beats cancer will experience a relapse. The same is true of those who suffer from addiction or any other type of disease.

    What’s really occurring is a relapse of memory within the cell that is causing the body to react in a certain way.

    http://successhappinessformula.com/special-access/?hop=sashax



  311.  #311April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 10:42 am

    FW,

    I just read it. I wish and wish and hope with all my heart for it to be true.

    “…..he can take you more deeply into your heart depths, your profound love self, than you ever could alone.”

    I feel Surrender breathing in my ear….. I must succomb to her….



  312.  #312lk on January 10, 2012 at 10:43 am

    i said something to Cd last night that i realized is very new & true for me. i told him, I’d rather people think, “oh, that girl is dumb. she doesn’t get it that someone just took a dig at her” instead of spending energy trying to “dig” back.

    it’s amazingly freeing to do it that way & it actually feels better to ignore those things instead of trying to Prove that whatever action was somehow “bad”



  313.  #313lilybelly on January 10, 2012 at 10:44 am

    301

    I loved this article, Dominque but how can he heal his heart through me when I can’t even completely heal myself?

    D@mn it…tears are coming.



  314.  #314Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 10:45 am

    (((((((lilybelly)))))))))



  315.  #315lk on January 10, 2012 at 10:49 am

    CDcd & i have been praying at meal times. it feels really good to pray with someone regularly with whom i feel total shared beliefs. i’ve never had that before !

    last night, we prayed at the restaurant… & it felt so intense to take hands & bow heads in public…. i don’t know if i’ve ever done that either. he said he hadn’t.

    i told him after that i had the fear of not having time to finish my prayer & that, because of all the distractions, it was taking even longer than normal for me to pray, so we prayed again without holding hands so we could take as long as we wanted.

    it was nice to speculate with him about changing my breathing pace so that i could pray in public without giving myself “time” to be distracted… it’s funny that possibly doing something faster could actually mean doing it with more focus… i have a contrary belief about that.

    i remembered a limiting belief i recognized the other night. if something is “easy” it takes “no time”; if something is “hard” it takes “all night” or it is “impossible”………. i want to believe, everything is possible & easy… just some things take little or no time, while some things take longer : ) patience, lk



  316.  #316Dominique on January 10, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Femininewoman – Do you know why this is? Why the fear? What does the fear feel like to you? What images does it conjure?

    xxoo



  317.  #317lk on January 10, 2012 at 10:59 am

    LOL …… last night i mentioned the mountain house that my family shares & CDcd goes, “we should go there sometime.” & i said, “that would be really fun!” & he goes, “i’m just going to have to start inviting myself everywhere with you since you won’t ask me yourself”

    LOL because a while ago, he said, i really want to play golf with your mom. & last night, we were talking about it & he said, have you ever played golf? & i said, yes, i have shoes & clubs & everything actually. & he FREAKED OUT. he was like, “WHAT THE — WHY DID YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING WHEN FOR WEEKS I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PLAYING WITH YOUR MOM ????? ” & we both totally cracked up ……. i was like, oh i just thought you wanted to play with my mom. & besides, courses aren’t even open right now. lol his mind was blown.

    i asked him what he thought would have been “normal” for me to say. & he goes, when i first said, “i want to play some golf with your mom” i guess i’d expect you to say, “oh, i play golf, we should all go sometime” & i laughed & said, “yes, that sounds fun!” & he was just shaking his head & laughing… like about the swing dancing too…

    & then he did say, actually, though, i do want to find some activities to do with your parents so we can get to know each other : ) & then when he was asking me where we could play tennis, i told him we could go & he could meet my grandma : ) that’s nice, lk : )

    & he’s going to take me to The Shining hotel maybe next month !!! yayyyy lk



  318.  #318Lolita on January 10, 2012 at 11:00 am

    We had a wonderful evening out last night, I was all feeling messages and he was all wonderful… and this morning we were so rushed to be off to work, I got anxious and leaned way forward… now I feel so anxious… I have to lean back. He said he would call or ‘text’ tonight… I’d rather he call.



  319.  #319lk on January 10, 2012 at 11:01 am

    & i don’t like to organize plans, by the way !

    this morning, he said, so when are you coming back ? & i just said hmmmm…… & looked out the window & imagined myself having fun at home alone & reading & was just waiting until the vision of being alone got boring… he said thursday ? … i said hmmm … he said friday ? … i said hmm…… he said, how about we see a movie on Friday ? & then go snowshoeing on saturday & i said that sounds fun ! & he said, we’re going to church on sunday with your parents, right ? & i said that sounds great



  320.  #320Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I am not sure there is any image. All I know is that I feel tightness all over my body and it moves from my pelvic area all the way up to my nose and mouth.



  321.  #321Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I any image it seems like me running away from myself.



  322.  #322Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 11:03 am

    It is like I have a fear of healing because I would not be able to recognize myself.



  323.  #323Dominique on January 10, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Lillybelly – Do you really think my heart was fully healed for K to do all the healing he did? Hardly.

    Just having the awareness and actively working to heal yourself enacts the healing with him.

    Men are rather easy in this respect. So little of the head stuff going on, unlike many of us.

    You my dear have no need to worry around this.

    xxoo



  324.  #324Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 11:05 am

    As I write tears keep welling up in my eyes. Now there is pressure around my ears.



  325.  #325Dominique on January 10, 2012 at 11:08 am

    But you are healing and in a big way Femininewoman. Is it maybe fear of having what your deepest heart desires? For if you get this, then it might be taken away for whatever reason, and the thought of the devastation this would cause could be terrifying.

    But then again the thought of never fully feeling and experiencing this is more scary, in my view anyway.

    xxoo



  326.  #326Dominique on January 10, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Tears of sadness and tears of joy can feel much the same…

    xxoo



  327.  #327Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 11:12 am

    I do feel fear around having the deepest desires but I have never really sank into the devastation of losing it to see if that is there. I just feel violently shaky around having my deepest desires, it seems I always have. This is really painful to write about. I feels like all my body, especially my face is tightening up.



  328.  #328Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 11:12 am

    @ FW #287 – I agree using feeling messages do have an affect on men. I noticed that when I say to KR that something feels bad to hear – I can hear his voice softening when he asks me what was bad to hear. Or when I tell him I’m feeling icky or tingly – he takes notice and wants to know more. Also the night that I told him that I was feeling uncomfortable and wanted to leave – he immediately wanted to remedy the situation.

    So feeling messages are great! They are helping me to move out of my boy energy a little more everyday when I practice using them



  329.  #329Dominique on January 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

    This is great awareness and processing happening with you right now Femininewoman.

    Another thought – maybe the reality won’t live up to the fantasy. there can be a lot of fear around this. a kind of anti-climactic feeling.

    xxoo



  330.  #330lilybelly on January 10, 2012 at 11:15 am

    317:

    I think I do need to worry about this if I can’t even deal well with a man cave retreat..it means I haven’t come as far as I thought I did.

    I feel unsteady here…



  331.  #331Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Yes, reality vs fantasy is definitely there. The main thing I struggle with. I fear that the man that could really give me all that I want won’t measure up to how I perceive him in my vision.



  332.  #332Dominique on January 10, 2012 at 11:24 am

    lillybelly – I hear you. Man cave stuff is REALLY hard to deal with. I feel appreciative that I don’t have to deal very often and when I do, it doesn’t last very long. I too struggle with it, but at the same time, I can recognize it for what it is and talk myself through it, more or less.

    This is really a simple fix. You reach out, to me, to the women here. It really, really helps you stay grounded and secure within yourself.

    xxoo



  333.  #333lilybelly on January 10, 2012 at 11:24 am

    ((((((((FW))))))))



  334.  #334April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 11:25 am

    My deepest desires…
    … I feel brave to even admit I have deep desires….



  335.  #335April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 11:31 am

    … I meant ‘I feel scared to admit my deep desires’

    I ‘think’ I am brave to be open about it.
    But it feels good to be open.

    Less and less need for judgements…



  336.  #336lk on January 10, 2012 at 11:46 am

    i just realized how comfortable i’ve become with silence… it’s very easy & calming & powerful actually.

    when Cdcd told me that he would want to get a house together & move to California if that’s what i want, i didn’t say anything. & we stopped talking about it & then i went to take a shower.

    i didn’t feel any need to respond or reciprocate or anything. i bet that made him feel safe ! to say that big thing & just have me listen & then continue to be my same self toward him…. like no surprises… also, like he can take Huge Steps Forward without Changing or Risking the relationship & the level of interaction & connection that we have. that feels amazing.



  337.  #337April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Femininewoman,

    Do you want to manifest your deepest desires in your life?
    Do you have a conscious intention to have your deepest desires met?

    Or does the fear keep you from putting it out there?



  338.  #338lk on January 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

    i don’t want to live with a man without plans to start a family. & plans to be legally bound to each other (i need to be sure of my legal rights to feel safe & i want to make sure that he will make decisions for me & i want to make sure that i will be able to visit him, etc.).



  339.  #339lk on January 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

    i’m going to yoga tonight & i give myself permission to go home first without thinking that i’m “wasting time” or “wasting energy” by driving so much



  340.  #340Iamabutterfly on January 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

    @ Tiffany #263 – For the longest time, unavailable men were drawn to me and I to them. It was always like a game to me. It would feel so good if I could take their attention away from someone they were already committed to, because if I could do that, I must really BE something! I wanted to feel like the most coveted woman, but deep down, I know it was because I felt worthless. I’m not sure how you’re feeling with these unavailable men, but Rori’s post here really helped me see what was going on: https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/self-acceptance-is-the-key-to-feeling-loved

    @FW #287 – One of my CDs (we’ll call him Jack) is always surrounded by women, and it makes me feel really angry and insecure, even though he always seems to notice me out of the crowd of women. I felt like he was VERY interested in me for several months, but after we took a little day trip together and I didn’t hear from him, I began to feel very insecure and then some family drama came up for me and I could feel myself closing my feelings off when I saw him a week later, which I know I need to learn to stop doing. Whenever I do that, he pays attention to the other women, but pays attention to how I react to that, which makes me feel like he might be just as insecure as I am. :/ Since he has so many girls interested in him, I know for a fact that he CD dates as well.

    We were with a group of people one night, and he went over to sit by himself, and I just KNEW that he wanted me to come over there and sit by him, but I felt uncomfortable to go sit by him because so many other girls like him, and I feel icky when I can feel their jealous energy. :/

    I feel like he didn’t like that closed off feeling and I totally understand that. One of my other CDs (we’ll call him Bob) puts emotional walls up and it absolutely repulses me when he does that. I’ve known him for a while and I know when he is being open and when he is not, so when he puts up emotional walls, it makes me feel icky and like he doesn’t trust himself when he is with me.

    So, I am trying to be more open with my Jack CD, and whenever I am, he gets really smiley and it makes me feel happy and a little shy. 

    However, another Siren is interested in him and she uses both masculine and feminine energy with him, and she is super-fit and never seems to feel ANY negative emotions, which makes me feel mistrustful of her. Even without Jack CD being involved, I’ve always felt mistrustful of her, because I always feel like she’s hiding her true self or something…

    The last time I spent time with her, I liked her more, because it was one of the first times she talked about feeling any emotions other than “I feel so happy about absolutely everything and my life is perfect!”

    But I love myself because I have felt all kinds of negative emotions and I let myself feel them, and I work through them and it feels so good to cry when I feel like crying.

    And I feel like Jack CD relates to me better because I’ve let him and other people see all the messy, beautiful, complicated parts of me.

    One time, I was really vulnerable during a group discussion, and Jack CD seriously followed me around for the whole rest of the night. That same night, another one of my CDs (we’ll call him Bill) texted me and told me that he “loves how honest and open I am.” I don’t feel attracted to Bill, but it still made me feel really good that he could appreciate that quality in me.

    I’m CDing myself most of all now, because I feel like I need to. I feel sad and overwhelmed by my messy room, but I want to make it feel beautiful and poetic and inspiring just for me! I feel like getting up when it’s dark, taking a brisk walk, and listening to beautiful music. I feel like studying more and praying more and expanding my vocabulary. I feel like eating more fruits and vegetables. I feel like making the time to cook a good meal every weekend. I feel like having good female friends to spend time with and to help me with my issues. I feel like forgiving myself for my messiness and for my imperfections. I love my messiness! I love my imperfections! It feels good to forgive myself.

    I feel like my mother was sexually abused in her past. She is a beautiful, married woman, but seems really insecure when men other than my other father notice her.

    A lot of times I feel sexually panicked when I am flat on my back if it’s a relatively hard surface. I am okay on my back on a bed, but in a dental chair or on any other semi-hard surface, I start to have slight panic attacks. It feels awful, but I haven’t had one in a while, so that’s good…



  341.  #341Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I have put my deep desires out there. I even talk about it with new men I meet. My intuition is telling me that I don’t trust myself enough to make it come to pass.



  342.  #342April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Do you trust in some divine force making it come to pass for you?



  343.  #343Mochaberri on January 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    @FW #296 and 298 – Thank you!

    I agree; I’m thinking I do not want to share that with him – when I was typing I felt my body getting tense in my shoulders so I’m taking that as a sign of awareness that it isn’t a good thing to do. I want to continue on the path of open and honest communication with him. I feel that this has all been a healing process for me. i’m going to practice not seeing his concern as negative and critical. And if and when it comes up outside of the topic of us doing it jointly, I will use your suggested feeling message.



  344.  #344Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    lamabutterfly it is like a new process for me opening up like that because I have been so closed for so long but I really want to get to know myself and what is possible in my life



  345.  #345April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I feel nervous and shaky. I feel my fingers all shaky and crunchy inside.

    I’m going to guitar club to play and sing with the men there.

    EM will be there. I will focus on myself, my self-respect, and breathing from my heart.



  346.  #346Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    April Rose I did for a long time but I believe I experience some internal conflict as to what is my responsibility and what is the divine’s out there separate and apart from me. I have now embraced the belief that the divine is also inside me and not a separate entity. I am now sure I am fully clear on that but I know that I have stopped looking for something outside of me to fulfil me.



  347.  #347Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Mochaberri I would encourage you to slow yourself and put your attention in your body to see what it is telling you, then speak from that place. It will be more authentic and in the moment. I believe even if it doesn’t come out perfectly he will feel your intention.



  348.  #348April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    FW
    I ask because you said “I don’t trust myself enough”
    I wonder what part of you it is that you don’t trust? And whether there are also parts of you that you do trust to allow your deepest desires to come to you.



  349.  #349Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    2 Words No Man Can Resist

    When I ask women what they think are the most powerful words they can say to a man, I’m given the usually replies, “I love you,” “You’re special” and “Yes, I’ll have sex with you.” While all of these statements are nice and sometimes very powerful, they won’t have the effect of making him bond with you.

    The two words that cause nearly every man to feel closer to you are these: “I’M SORRY.”

    However, there is one exception to this rule. Don’t say you’re sorry for something you didn’t do. Apologizing just to keep the peace is actually a bad thing. Let me explain further. Just saying the two words “I’m sorry” won’t make him feel closer to you. In order for the words to be powerful and transformative, you’ll need to say them in a specific way.

    Here are some examples of less effective ways of saying “I’m Sorry”:

    “I’m sorry you’re upset.”
    “I’m sorry you had a bad day.”
    “I’m sorry I’m late, but I had a good reason.”

    What all of the above examples have in common is that they don’t involve you taking responsibility. In order for your words to have a deeper impact on the man, you must say them without any sort of attached explanation or justification.

    Here are some examples of the correct way to make your words powerful:

    “I’m sorry I was late.” (without explaining or justifying)
    “I’m sorry I was rude last night.” (without explaining or justifying)
    “I’m sorry for calling you names.” (without explaining or justifying)

    Once you have said these statements, you might feel the urge to explain more. Just resist that temptation. Remember, it is important to keep your message simple and elegant if you want it to have a deep emotional impact on him.

    You see there is always a reason why you did something. Rarely will you ever just do something to be selfish or mean. You don’t have to explain that part. A man already understands that it is true. However, what stands out to a man is when a woman takes responsibility for her actions.

    If you say “I’m Sorry” the way I’ve just described, it will make a man feel that you understand his perspective.

    Sponsor: Bust Liars



  350.  #350Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Thanks April Rose I will spend some time sinking into that to see what my intuition tells me.



  351.  #351Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    It seems I have believed that it had nothing to do with me influencing it and that a great power out there was putting things together and I couldn’t influence it for the better or worse though I can identify areas where I have unconsciously hindered myself in the past. It feels like cognitive dissonance and like I am in my head trying to figure it all out. I can see and feel clearly how I have shut down my heart.



  352.  #352lk on January 10, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    @Femininewoman

    wow, i’m feeling moved by your heart moving up, taking over your mind, taking over your perception & transforming your strength into softness….. wow, i’m picturing… like.. actually i’m picturing the sun rising on the bank of a river, the cold pale dawn moved into shaky gold shimmering morning



  353.  #353mali on January 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    FW: I’m feeling so much love for you reading your posts… sending you love, you Siren!



  354.  #354Iamabutterfly on January 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    #338@FW – I’ve been reading your comments on this blog for a while, long before I had the courage to post on here myself, and everything you share always makes me feel so inspired and like I want to be a better, more feminine woman. Thank you so much for that, and thank you for your courage in being so open! 🙂



  355.  #355Silver Moonbeam on January 10, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Behind on the blog yet again!! Been lovely catching up on all the great stories though where this RR stuff is working for Mel, Sweetpea, Aurora Girl, lk, T-girl. Lili41 and sorry if I have forgotten any others.

    Girl power. 😀



  356.  #356Silver Moonbeam on January 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Brenda thinking of you.

    {{{{ HUGS }}}}



  357.  #357lk on January 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    yesterday i said sorry for introducing you as my “friend” & then i said but we are friends too ! & he said yes of course.

    then later he said, well, since we are FRIENDS, you can feel free to call me whenever you get bored or frustrated at work or anything anytime !

    LOL hmmm………..

    & i said, thank you : )

    but…. hm. usually i would never want to call him at work anyway…. but that’s nice ! now i will feel free to call him if i want to during the day : ) i do want to Feel Free to Call Him….. : ) that is good.

    i don’t mind dancing – i like to dance !

    but yes i want him to be the Man : )

    & i can’t really imagine just calling him up, like “oh this thing just happened blah blah” sounds boring ! lol



  358.  #358Rori Raye on January 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Lolita – my best advice to relax before a date is my Heart Connection Toolkit program – just put Disc Two into your ipod and let it work for you. Love, Rori



  359.  #359Senior Lady Vibe on January 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    @202: Brenda says:
    “…And this song is another reason to not end my friendship with Ryan….and I dedicate it to SLV!…”

    By Your Side, by Sade
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike

    Oooooo, magic!. Thank you, thank you, Brenda. I remember watching that amazing music video last year.

    The power of the magic is to grasp it, take it into the real world [see 3:50 -4:26 of video] and to create the kind of relationship I want.

    The secret is “the one” isn’t necessarily the man who first inspires the magic. That’s OK too. It’s what’s meant to be; he played his part… and now for the best magic!

    I’m now creating “Blueprint for Magic”… for myself.

    I just downloaded the video so I can play it at home when I don’t have good signal. Yummmmmmy.

    xoxo



  360.  #360Silver Moonbeam on January 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    #270 Emerson

    No offence taken and not sure if I believe in re-incarnation myself 100% just another avenue to explore. 🙂



  361.  #361Silver Moonbeam on January 10, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    For Brenda and SLV and anybody else who wants to listen to the beautiful Sade.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcdCHtkQcBM&feature=related



  362.  #362Jeannette on January 10, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Hi everyone, just wanted you to know I’m still around! It’s been 6 mo.s since my fiance’s passing but I’m still not much moved to want to do any dating. Since then he had another brother pass 6 days after him..some of you already know. He was on hospice. Then Steve’s third brother went in for a liver transplant last Mon. and is doing exceptionally well. Go figure huh..But glad for him! I am still mending but like to check in once in awhile to see what you’re doing. Take care and I’ll check in soon again..



  363.  #363Ella on January 10, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Oh, I am finding it so tricky to stay out of masc energy with my men today.

    I just told work collegue what I want him to do with something I left at his house. Instead of telling him how anxious I am without that item and then waiting for him to make a plan.

    Its cus it is an item I need for work, and when it comes to work I am used to being much more with my boy hat on.

    When I read the message back it was a really masc / bossy message.

    🙁

    Wow, amazing how easy it is to slip… Good to notice though.

    And thank goodness for all the super girly responses he had from me previously today.



  364.  #364Sun Goddess on January 10, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Hi Sirens! Looks like I have a lot to catch up on. I’m finally home three hours past the time I should be. LP had mentioned doing something tonight but never followed up with me, so tonight I am cleaning and relaxing. And, I feel okay with that. I just hired a weekly babysitter to come every Wednesday so that I can have either me time, dates, or outtings with friends. I feel so excited for that!

    And, my boss is trying to make my work easier! Such a good day!



  365.  #365Ella on January 10, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    April Rose re 302,

    Thank you for this reply.

    It felt really comforting and soothing to my anxious feelings today.

    Everything has shifted since then as I have been and done my Zumba class and feel completely different from earlier.

    I did slip into masc AGAIN a bit with one message (see post above) GRRRR.

    Right double leanback efforts into effect now.

    I know you are right when you say lean back and let him make the special time happen again… and he will.

    Sometimes these things just feel so slow and long don’t they when my feelings are being tricky and I want distracting.

    I know, and what a great chance for me to practice sitting with my feelings.



  366.  #366Ella on January 10, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Very proud of myself that I didn’t agree to drive over to his after Zumba tonigh though… or try to solve the issue of me getting there.

    I just left it.

    He didn’t suggest an alternate plan.

    Hence I am not going.

    And that is fine.



  367.  #367Sun Goddess on January 10, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Figures, I spoke too soon. Neighbor lady is friends with LPs mom on Facebook. That makes me feel yucky. I’m trying to pour love over this nasty feeling, but it is trying really hard to surface and upset. Why do I feel this way? Probably because his mom used to think I was wonderful until LP and I had problems and I asked him to move out. I acted out and deleted her from my Facebook last year. I shut myself out, I unfriended her, I should have resolved this last year….now neighbor lady has my spot as her friend. Woah….okay, I can deal with that. Mom is not LP, Mom does not decide who LP likes or loves…LP is loyal (I believe) to me not neighbor lady. I am fine.



  368.  #368Memulo on January 10, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I wrote a masterpiece today to a guy who kept on changing his opinion back and forth about going out with me on a 1st date. First we chatted on a dating site for about an hour, that was 2 weeks ago. Then he pursued me via emails. Then he asked me on a date. I wasn’t quite sure, but agreed. Then he asked for my number.. Called me 3 times last night. my email explains the rest:

    Good morning,

    Thank you for the well wishes;)

    And thanks for suggesting to stay in touch. I’d love to, but I feel so confused.

    See, the other day I was offered your phone number, but last night I received all the calls from the blocked account. I accepted a (very nicely) set up date, but then 3 mins into a conversation it was cancelled. was told to expect a phone call tonight once I feel better, but then I got this email instead. I don’t feel strong enough to handle this;) I’m just a girl lol and I crave consistency!

    I sincerely appreciate your warmth, your intelligence and excellent manners, but I don’t want to feel puzzled, it doesn’t make me happy.

    I too wish you lots if success in finding your match. I feel that new year should bring new miracles! 😉



  369.  #369Daria on January 10, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Ella – I am right there with you practicing asking for stuff in feeling messages (instead of bossy)

    Team ASKforITinFEELINGmessages?

    AFIIFM.

    soooo challenging when i just want my stuff back! or to catch the bus… or… to tell him to stop talking so loud.

    And then he takes it personally but doent. but he like setsme up for it but its all on me. ME

    I CAN DO IT

    omg this will SOOOO improve relations across the board with everyone!! Mom.. etc…

    🙂 hmm

    AFIIFM!



  370.  #370River Girl on January 10, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Hello lovelies,

    Felt so moved by this clip
    http://youtu.be/nUDIoN-_Hxs



  371.  #371Sun Goddess on January 10, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Oh, I’m not fine. I am crying. Why can’t I be fine? I had a lovely day. I guess I jus want everything to be okay instantly and I don’t want to wait til March or whenever. I hate my sense of urgency.



  372.  #372Daria on January 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Ela – yay for power back from J!



  373.  #373Daria on January 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Sun Goddess you need to circular date.



  374.  #374Daria on January 10, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I feel weird being called Sweet Daria… i feel mistrustful… and then im like disagreed with so i wonder am i being appeased? i feel paranoid

    i t feels like being choked

    i wonder whatsup with that
    i feel angry and sacared
    i feel asheamed

    i feel afraid
    to talk about this
    feeling

    i feel highly mistrustful

    reminds me of a girl i know

    mmm

    i dont feel good

    i feel very tense
    and angry??

    i feel confused
    on guard
    surpriesed
    not trusting

    fear anger



  375.  #375Sun Goddess on January 10, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    I know Daria. I am trying to make myself more open to that both mentally, and time wise hence getting a weekly babysitter to come every Wednesday.



  376.  #376Ella on January 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    🙂 Daria.

    AFIIFM.

    Me Likey.



  377.  #377Ella on January 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Ok he sent 2 messages while I was in shower (work colleague).

    One said yeah about bringing the stuff and the other one said night night sweat dreams with kisses.

    Is it rude of me not to respond?

    Neither needs a repsonse, plus its late here.

    But I don’t want to be cold either.



  378.  #378River Girl on January 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Hey Jeanette! Lovely to see you posting again 🙂



  379.  #379Senior Lady Vibe on January 10, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    @Brenda
    @361: Silver Moonbeam

    Yay! Thanks. The magic is growing for 2012.

    xoxo



  380.  #380Jenny on January 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Hmm, ok ladies I got stuck today with how to write something in FM.
    A man asked (ok he is kind of young, but he feels very mature and nice):

    “Oh how nice, you have cats, I love cats, I got 2 cats. How many do you have? What race? How old are they?”

    And I got like taken little by suprice…so how do I answer his questions in FM? Or does I dont do it, just focus on how my cats makes me feel?

    Argh..totelly drawn into masc energy in thinking right now…I totelly love my cats and to talk about them, so easy to fall into giving facts. 🙂

    Giees what a big problem I have right now 🙂 ….



  381.  #381River Girl on January 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Jenny, you could tell him how you feel when you come home to relax at the end of the day and your cat siddles up to you and then snuggles up beside you on the sofa 🙂



  382.  #382Jenny on January 10, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Yes 🙂 I will

    …or how it feel to take care of hairbals and dead mouses…sorry, couldnt help myself. I’m feeling to giggle and silly right now. Feels like time for bed.

    Take care all sirens.



  383.  #383River Girl on January 10, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    377: Ella says:

    “One said yeah about bringing the stuff and the other one said night night sweat dreams with kisses.

    Is it rude of me not to respond?

    Neither needs a repsonse, plus its late here.

    But I don’t want to be cold either.”

    Ella, I often wonder what to do in that sort of exchange too. Say for example I’ve already said good night to end a text convo (without any xx’s) and then I get a really affectionate good night from him.
    I don’t want to seem cold either, and I want to send a x back, but I want to let him have the last word too.

    Mostly I just check in with how I’m feeling and send a 🙂 or a kiss but if it feels like too much over functioning I just leave it.

    Don’t think I’ve helped you very much, lol



  384.  #384Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    59 FW I like this



  385.  #385River Girl on January 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Haha, that might be why I don’t have a cat Jenny!



  386.  #386Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Ella you could just reply “thank you” and that way you are still receiving…



  387.  #387April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    FW 351,

    Femininewoman, how would you feel about reading Dominique’s article again? Maybe once a day?

    I felt moved by the way it moved you and also how open you were in expressing your vulnerability…

    It feels like it moved and opened something precious in your heart



  388.  #388April Rose on January 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    FW,
    Sorry for writing ‘it’
    I meant Dominique’s words.

    I felt moved by the effect of Dominique’s words and how they moved and opened your heart.



  389.  #389sensual on January 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    @361 Silver moon beam, it is Sade’s birthday on Monday – also a Capricorn!

    @ 380 Jenny you could say “I have _cats, I just love cats too, they make me feel so cozy, snuggly etc etc” I chose _type of cats because they make me feel_”

    …So I am feeling happy because I feel the progress in healing and opening and “being” more. Yesterday at a small gathering, many of the guys were very eligible but the girls were just all over them. Usually I would be walking up too and making conversation with them, but I just didn’t feel like competing with the other girls, that doesn’t feel very sireny to me anymore. My girlfriend I went with is a real “be-er” and I chose to sit with her and be open to men coming to chat with me, but not to go running up to them….and at the end she commented on how I was so much more “being” rather than “doing” that evening which made me feel really happy.

    The problem I’m having though is that the men who are at present reaching out and coming over to talk, or texting me regularly are the ones i don’t feel attracted to. I feel sad because one or two of them are really great and really seem to want to do anything to make me happy and give me the world but one is 5ft6 and overweight (although he has a cute face) and the other is 48. They are both wonderful in every other way, but I am 5ft 7, slim and 29 and i feel like i am being too picky but I can’t help the fact that I feel just nothing when they try to give me the world. Is it me being picky or am I just blocked when I feel nothing? To accept and receive? or to not accept and keep playing?

    I also feel scared to give them a chance because other people will find out and then maybe the more eligible men will be less attracted because of who i’ve dated.



  390.  #390Lizka on January 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I feel a little better than this morning. Actually the whole day, I haven’t really think about E or P or any of my CDs. I just remembered that I felt sad earlier.

    I just came back from my jog. I feel incredibly good and relaxed in my whole body. I feel hilarious. Like I want to start laughing since I feel so good. Like if I took some kind of drugs. Lol but I haven’t! I guess it’s the adrenalin.



  391.  #391Lizka on January 10, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    And a new guy from the dating site is textin me. I wrote a long email with so many feeling messages. Practicing to put them everywhere.

    And I also practiced asking. At first I felt wrong asking him for a pic (because I talked to so many guys that I couldn’t remember wich one it was hehe). But I did. I didn’t apologize for asking or explained why I was asking (would have do that in the past). I just said “can I have another picture of you”. Feeling proud. It feels weird to ask like that thought. Have to do it more often so it becomes more natural.



  392.  #392Ella on January 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Thanks Ladies,

    In the end I left it, because of the slight over functioning today… it felt more balanced just to leave it this time.

    I can be extra warm next time he steps up.

    🙂



  393.  #393sensual on January 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    oh and last week I did a total 180 on a guy I felt really attracted to the last time we met 2 months ago but I had been in boy energy (feels yuck just thinking about how i was that night) all evening and he did not ask me out afterwards. Last week at his birthday I was in girl the whole evening, it meant that after saying hello i did not speak to him for 2 hours because I was not going to lean forward to approach him. Eventually he came over to me and by the end of the night he was texting “where are you” and telling me how I am his favorite and all he wants to do is make me happy. It felt great! not because I think he could be the one or anything, but just because of my progress! but then i made the mistake of going back to the afterparty and spending 48 hours with him. 2 nights! because on the second day he asked me to stay again. although I did not have sex with him, we just kissed and cuddled…but still 2 nights is waay too much, but it was so hard to say no. It was so nice feeling wanted by someone I felt attracted to. It still felt fun…but what bothered me was that on the 2nd day suddenly all my NV’s kicked in because I am so used to guys I like not wanting to spend that much time together and i started feeling really shy and insecure and not very playful. The end when he dropped me home felt really awkward and I haven’t heard from him since….but hey i don’t care about him so much anyway, i definitely made babysteps and it is another lesson, don’t spend too much time too soon! even without the sex it can kill the attraction.



  394.  #394tenny on January 10, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Brenda –

    “Tenny, RE: #176 – LOL, and give compassion to your weak parts! They get slathered in love, too!”

    That feels good to think about! I will!!!



  395.  #395Starla on January 10, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    well hello:) i’m home from work so here i am on the blog. i leaned back nicely and it felt great, but i feel such a CRACK ADDICTION when CF doesn’t contact me…i feel sad that he’s not tried to see me yet this week, even though i told him this week would be bad because i’m so busy. he’ll come through. he always does.

    Now I am eating something before I’m very hungry (hi LG!!), and then taking a nice hot shower and putting lotion on my body and taking care of myself. then i’m going to crawl into bed with my laptop and work on my side business for a couple of hours.

    My goal this month is not to stress about deadlines and stuff. In order to do this, I need to give myself plenty of time to do tasks in small, manageable chunks, and take care of myself with stuff like nice showers and self-care BEFORE i set out to be productive for the evening/day. it also means i need to eat when i feel hungry,and not try to put off eating in the name of being productive. Because i’m not all that productive when i’m hungry, anyway



  396.  #396Starla on January 10, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    also, you ladies remember “MyGuy”? He is STILL calling me and trying to get me to give him a chance to talk to me.

    But it’s funny how they always come crawling back.

    I wasn’t so great to him. He wasn’t great to me either. Just not right. I’ll never give him another chance.



  397.  #397Starla on January 10, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    393 sensual, i’m so happy for you getting to experiment with how leaning back feels, and what it feels like to spend days on end with a new man, and stuff like that. you sound really good!!



  398.  #398T-Girl on January 10, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Lillybelly, the cave stuff is so hard to deal with but when J did that to me right before New Year’s, I think that is when he figured out he loved me. They need their time in the cave to realize how much they love us.



  399.  #399tenny on January 10, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Mochaberri & Butterfly Wings – Thank you!!



  400.  #400tenny on January 10, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Tonight, leaning back feels like floating in open space. Rather than empty, I feel light. Where I would normally feel pain for confusion I feel airy. I’m not calling any CD, not worried about the one’s that haven’t called, not going crazy wishing CD Song (I renamed him from CD Hood – the songs he sung to me have stayed in my mind all weekend) would call me or if he is thinking about me too, and not going crazy that I really like CD assertive but feel safe leaning back while enjoying the pursuit… can’t quite put my finger on it tonight, but I feel light.



  401.  #401Mel on January 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    Tis “Man-cave” week me thinks. Sorta like “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel, only more primitive. 😛



  402.  #402sensual on January 10, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    @starla – thank you, your comment feels really good to read.

    @ tenny 400 – that leaning back feels like floating and airy and light (instead of the old non-sireny waiting around feeling). oooh i love that, that feels great. Leaning back is taking time to float and enjoy and love me! (until they catch me again 😉 )



  403.  #403Starla on January 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    haha mel i was just thinking the same thing



  404.  #404Sun Goddess on January 10, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    I love that I got calls from friends tonight. Changed my mood back. But, now I’m thinking about the money LP still owes me.



  405.  #405Emerson on January 10, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Ick..I think I need to stop looking at POF for a while. It’s depressing me right now. So many guys saying no drama or no overweight girls (Im only about five to ten pounds over but still, I think its kinda rude) or no this or that etc…it puts me in a weird headspace to read it;…..and I don’t want to do anything that makes me feel weird or bad



  406.  #406Mel on January 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Dearest fairy princess Starla,

    Is your man in his cave too?

    It’s because they are so besotted with us that they just don’t know what to do with themselves. That, and because the full moon made them feel a little werewolf-y and they need a second to become gentlemen again.



  407.  #407Mel on January 10, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Chicas…. ¿ dónde están ?



  408.  #408Starla on January 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    estoy aqui, es que acabo de ducharme, pero estoy aqui ahorrita:)

    CF is in his cave too. he has been calling, but not trying to see me, and he lives like 13 minutes from here soooooo it’s not hard. i kinda like the space but i hate the lack of being the total center of his world, except if he didn’t focus on his work and his life, i would feel so not attracted to him soooooooo i’m rambling and stopping now yes yes

    he just called and left a message while i was in the ducha but i don’t waant to call back. i think it’s a power play on my part to not call back BUT i also know that i have much to do for myself tonight and don’t want to deal with the distraction and triggering…it’s Starla time tonight.

    just clawing for the balance and the peace and sooooo into him, too.



  409.  #409Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Mel you speak Spanish?



  410.  #410Femininewoman on January 10, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    RE 396 Ha Starla



  411.  #411Lolita on January 10, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    I feel so terrible right now… M was supposed to call or text tonight and he’s not… We had a great evening last night (after a big blowup las week). Now I just want to cry.



  412.  #412Starla on January 10, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    Hi Lolita (love your name!!), sorry you are feeling bad tonight.



  413.  #413C on January 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    I feel so scared and in pain and lost….I have been working on and off with Rori’s tools…and they have always been amazing.
    I have gone and done just THAT. sent explosive hurtful messages filled with ‘you’s’.. then calmer messages filled with ‘i feels’ and also apologised for the unkind cruel words.
    Now I am beside myself, and surviving only because I feel more in tune with myself now than I did a few years ago…
    I have been feeling a bit blindsided by my very recent realization that I have been feeling a bit lonely and neglected throughout our relationship, due to him doing everything he can to stay in the country with me, and me trying to cope with finishin g a really difficult, long and impossible PhD (not feeling so smart, to be honest).
    Objectively, I can see that we have both been in situations where we each required more support than the other could give.
    With actions, he does everything he can to make me happy, and we are in a relationship and he is now in our new home country building his life and laying the foundations for our lives together.

    I am the one feeling really insecure and unsafe and defensive and attacking, and I feel really ashamed to see that I am the ‘undermining, crazy, psycho bitch’ girlfriend.’

    For the first time in a long time things are going wonderful for him and while I genuinely feel really glad, I feel this uncontrollable instinctive jealously and feel threatened that I will not feel needed anymore. Even though he spends alot of time thinking about us and what he can do for me.

    I also feel really really ashamed of myself as I know in part these outbursts come from PMS – endometriosis and some polycystic ovaries and hence hormonal imbalances.

    However I realised that the outbursts were basically my true inner fears magnified.

    I have been flying back and forth a couple of trips as he is not able to enter the country I am now in / we are moving from. while I genuinely love the new place and feel quite excited about our new life there, it feels really stressful for me as I am flying between a city that I have come to see as home, where many good things have happened for me , including even learning to recognize how I am feeling and making good friends. and I am also feeling stuck here wih my phd which I feel really really trapped by, as I chose to stay on years ago even though things were not working (experiments, supervisors). and then being in the new place with him, where we are both happy, but this going back and forth feels unsettling for my already highly-sensitive system.

    I feel like I am such an undesirable version of me at the moment 🙁



  414.  #414Starla on January 10, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    i started feeling more relaxed and really missing CF so i txtd him to let him know i was working and i’d be done in an hour or two…

    and now i am just like seriously crack rock craving that he says he wants to see me tonight before i go to bed… i’d suggest it, but for the sake of my own leaning back sanity i should really chill out on that. i need to learn how to be surprised anyway. and let go of my desire to control. blah blah. i feel so rambly and weird tonight:)



  415.  #415Starla on January 10, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    it feels nice to be working at home without a boss to make me feel jumpy 🙂

    actually i make myself jumpy by not just focusing exclusively on work, which is “against the rules” lol. and breaking the rules makes me feel jumpy.



  416.  #416lk on January 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    regarding Man Cave week – i feel it too !

    lol CD didn’t try to make plans until Friday ! that is cool though. i need the next 2 nights to myself to clean & then to catch up on a project : ) nice, lk ! sleep well, sweet girl !



  417.  #417Starla on January 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    uggghhhh resisting urge to suggest he come over here and give me hugs lol so hard to resist urge

    resisting anyway



  418.  #418Turquoise on January 10, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    Took awhile to catch up on the blog tonight. I still feel snarky, and was short with my daughters tonight, over grades and chores…. feel bad about that. They asked to sleep with me and I said yes. I love that they love me even when I’m snarky. Heading to bed very soon….

    Kayla, your story makes me feel so sad. If I was your mom I would hold you in my arms, tell you that I am so sorry you’ve been hurt by my actions and choices. Tell you how loved you are and that everything will be ok, because I will do better. I’m sorry your mom isn’t there for you.

    I didn’t have those sorts of challenges growing up, but my parents were divorced, my mom was more interested in dating than in spending a lot of time with me. (Not that I wanted to, I was ALWAYS with my friends) she disappointed me with her choices several times, BUT over time… basically my adult life (i’m 38) we have grown much closer. I see her differently now than I did at 18. I feel for her for what she’d been through and how hard it is to be a single mom. We had NO MONEY growing up. I have decent money and there are still months when I’m really stretching from paycheck to paycheck.

    No excuses for your mom, but we are all human, make lots of mistakes or poor decisions, and struggle. Life can be really hard sometimes.

    Do the best you can to take care of yourself and know we are here when you need to talk.

    Big hugs!!!!



  419.  #419Turquoise on January 10, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Resist Starla!!! 🙂 Let him miss you~ feels much sweeter when they are the ones letting you know they need to see you!

    On the reincarnation/cell memory discussion, I dated a guy who saw ghosts, and felt he’d been reincarnated twice! It was interesting! I have a lot of de



  420.  #420Turquoise on January 10, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    javu, and have dreams that often come true, and have always gotten good readings at psychics. Even about me, as a teenager, my mom would go and they told her stuff about me that came true!



  421.  #421Sweetpea on January 10, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Mel @ 406,

    Lol! Tonight is the full moon, isn’t?!

    I feel giggly, cuz last MM texted me that he’ll “howl” at me tonight. rotfl



  422.  #422Sweetpea on January 10, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    “last night” I meant to say…



  423.  #423Turquoise on January 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Hmm…. Sweetpea….. werewolves are sexy!!! (At least the twilight variety!)



  424.  #424Rori Raye on January 10, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Hang in there, C – it’s not always “emotional” and “psychological.” – Try what I always suggest right off for every new client: probiotics/massive omega 3s (lots of great brands – start at top dosage on the bottles) and vit d, and get your B12 checked too. I always go to a Chinese Medical dr. first – perhaps you can get your hormones smoothed out just with starting with these…Love, Rori



  425.  #425Rori Raye on January 10, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    – also sugar and gluten. Just stop sugar AND gluten for a week and see how you feel…Love, Rori



  426.  #426Sweetpea on January 10, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Turquoise,

    Lol! I’ve got me a werewolf who’s into vampires in MM…hmmm… Twilight?

    Read the books – haven’t seen the movies. Fun, fun!



  427.  #427Sweetpea on January 10, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    I’ve been being a good little Siren today and studying up on relationship psychology so I can be a highly effective coach. And, cuz I still feel a little unworthy, not knowledgable enough, self doubt around it, blah, blah, blah.

    It’s muy interesting stuff. Studying up on the pursuit and withdrawal (yes that’s what leaning back is called in psychology, hmmm…) – Doesn’t sound as nice in that context, but it is THE main pattern in relationship, apparently. I’ve seen so many sides of it the last couple of days.

    Also, I’m feeling ever so grateful for manifesting someone like MM. Seeing about how the fear of abandonment engenders trust issues and withdrawal is so prominent with that and how the best way to handle if (for a man) is to stand up, be strong, pursue and say, “I worship you and I’m here. You’re not walking out (dammit!) until you either tell me what you want or I keep trying until I find something that works.” Exactly what MM does. I wonder how much of this stuff he’s studied. Or if it’s just life experience with a sensitive and intuitive, strong man. (Who woulda thunk I’d put those words together in one sentence? Wowsa)!

    Anyway, I’m learning all kinds of good stuff and thinking I might volunteer at a women’s shelter to get some good practice under my belt (self-confidence coaching).



  428.  #428Turquoise on January 10, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Brenda, do you read the Janette Oke books? I believe you’d love them. They are Christian based romances based in the 1800’s and early 1900’s in the US and Canada. If you’ve seen the Love Comes Softly series of movies, they are based on her books, but the books are so much better! (as is my usual opnion!) 🙂 I fell in love with them when I was teaching in Germany (prekids) and my ex was in Bosnia for almost a year. I lost myself in books for an entire summer!



  429.  #429Turquoise on January 10, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Rori,

    I don’t even take a multivitamin! My grandma lives to be a 101, and was very healthy for most of it. She loved her vitamins and supplements…. not sure how that didn’t pass onto me. I barely drink water. I live on diet soda and salt. SO BAD, I know!

    My NY Resolution is to take better care of myself. I was looking at health insurance plans on line, found a dentist with a payment plan, and have lost 3 pounds this week, cooking at home, packing my lunch and avoiding eating out. I will dig out the vitamins and add those to my morning routine. Thank you for the reminder!!!!!



  430.  #430Starla on January 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    wow tonight felt so good and stress-free. i just got done working for my pre-determined amount of time tonight and actually wanted to keep going, but it’s getting late and i should sleep and the idea is i take it a little bit at a time so i don’t ever have to feel stressed out:)

    plus i was feeling hungry and hadn’t snacked as planned so it was definitely time to eat, especially since i completed my work for the evening.



  431.  #431Zara on January 10, 2012 at 10:17 pm


  432.  #432Zara on January 10, 2012 at 10:18 pm


  433.  #433Zara on January 10, 2012 at 10:19 pm


  434.  #434Daria on January 10, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    im not wanting to go out tonite.. tho i did get asked otu… and im not wanting to paln for tomorrow either… tho i got asked out then too…

    i am free for 2 days ahead of time meaing thursday and after

    yum

    and im not returneing the phoone call of the guy complainging that im not answering on my voicemail

    i dont feel good it feels a bit scary

    and i feel worried that i won’t feel taken care of emotionally



  435.  #435Brenda on January 10, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    Turquoise,

    RE: #428 – Thank you! I am familiar with them, but I’ve never read them. Maybe I will check them out!

    I’m texting Ryan right now!

    And CO contacted me tonight after about a month of walking away! So there is a case of leaning back working!



  436.  #436Daria on January 10, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    Thank you Daria for saying No tonight

    Thank you for asking my dad for help

    Thank you for showering me

    Thank you for folding up sone clothes

    Thank you for brushing my hair

    Thank you for putting me in bed

    Thank you for giving me fresh water

    Thank you for giving me comfortable pants

    Thank you for doing the tapping to let the magic in

    Thank you for not scheduling for tomorrow

    Thank you for practicing AHIIFM



  437.  #437Brenda on January 10, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    I like the Sade song a lot.

    Yes, SLV, we will embrace everything good in this new year.



  438.  #438Brenda on January 10, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #359 – What you wrote is beautiful! Yes, this video is amazing, and I watch it again and again!

    By Your Side, by Sade
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike

    Oooooo, magic!. Thank you, thank you, Brenda. I remember watching that amazing music video last year.

    The power of the magic is to grasp it, take it into the real world [see 3:50 -4:26 of video] and to create the kind of relationship I want.

    The secret is “the one” isn’t necessarily the man who first inspires the magic. That’s OK too. It’s what’s meant to be; he played his part… and now for the best magic!

    I’m now creating “Blueprint for Magic”… for myself.

    I just downloaded the video so I can play it at home when I don’t have good signal. Yummmmmmy.

    xoxo



  439.  #439Zara on January 11, 2012 at 12:13 am

    The feminine and masculine discussed by 2 young males. Yummy video
    http://vimeo.com/23735165



  440.  #440C on January 11, 2012 at 12:42 am

    Wow ladies, it feels a bit mesmerizing reading your posts, helps me get out of my head a little and I feel inspired by everyone learning to be kind to themselves.

    Thank you Rori, I have written the stuff down.

    I will definilte try it.

    I have also had a conversation with my guy about it all and I have felt heard and validated and understood this time.

    I also remembered all the tools re leaning back and sinking into my feelings and feeling soft.

    It felt really calming and safe to be able to express that I felt ashamed that I was still stuck here because I am taking to long to finish school and

    also feeling embarassed seeing and hearing myself go off the handle. And I said I feel lost at this stage as to how to respond when the feeling comes up again.

    I am always in my head and it has taken so much practice to be able to sink into my feelings, thanks to your tools. But sometimes especially when things start feeling good and comfortable and I get into “rockstar’ mode and do not even feel like I need any tools and things feel great.

    Then a trigger happens and so quick, I feel I revert back to trying to control and cover my fear and the attack/defense happens.

    Is there a place or a guide on how to reduce sugar? I do not add sugar to my tea/ I always go for low-added sugar but I am also a fan of chocolate.

    On Friday when I knew my body was going into PMS, I watched myself buy a giant tub of mashed potato, instant noodles and a big sweet bun. weirdly I did not feel bad the next day.

    What is going on, why do our bodies make us feel so, so crazy sometimes 🙁



  441.  #441Silver Moonbeam on January 11, 2012 at 12:54 am

    #435 Brenda

    OK you’ve lost me now, who is CO? Is that the rich guy with the swimming pool?



  442.  #442River Girl on January 11, 2012 at 12:55 am

    Hi C

    I can relate to those giant mood swings with PMS! Blah!!!! I think you are probably on a good path if you are considering reducing sugar it certainly reduced the severity of my symptoms when I cut it out over a year ago.

    Here is a link to a free forum for people wanting to cut out sugar. Lots of interesting stuff there and personal stories. Good luck! 🙂

    http://sweetpoison.myfreeforum.org/index.php



  443.  #443Jenny on January 11, 2012 at 1:26 am

    385: River Girl says:
    “Haha, that might be why I don’t have a cat Jenny!”

    Hehe – I got 4 🙂

    389: sensual says:
    “@ 380 Jenny you could say “I have _cats, I just love cats too, they make me feel so cozy, snuggly etc etc” I chose _type of cats because they make me feel_””

    Yes…I was just taken by suprice becourse the man had asked if I know the small town where he lived.
    And I just answered: “Yes I bring my cats to the vet there”



  444.  #444Senior Lady Vibe on January 11, 2012 at 2:14 am

    @438: Brenda says:
    Yes, this video is amazing, and I watch it again and again!
    By Your Side, by Sade
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike
    ————–

    Me too! I picked it up from Prairie Girl last year. What ever happened to Prairie Girl? Here by another username? I think she has a blog too. I wonder how she’s doing…



  445.  #445Ella on January 11, 2012 at 2:21 am

    Morning Sirens.



  446.  #446Ella on January 11, 2012 at 2:22 am

    Zara / Sirens,

    Who is this Mathew guy and is he any good?

    Thanks.



  447.  #447Senior Lady Vibe on January 11, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Here’s Rori’s “new year letter” post.

    Note: If we write the letter for this year, we’ll be dating our letters January 2013 and writing about our wonderful year 2012.

    Rori Raye:

    “Your New Year Will Bring You The Love You Want”
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/your-new-year-will-bring-you-the-love-you-want/



  448.  #448C on January 11, 2012 at 2:56 am

    Thank you River Girl..

    it feels so drastic and scary to try to cut out sugar..but I must do something about this mood swings.

    On another note, I just came home from the supermarket and got molested by someone.

    I feel so stupid because I was feeling all girly and felt like wearing my wedge-heels out just for the fun of it.

    And because of that it was impossible to run after the guy. I would have sprinted like the wind and beaten him up I would have.

    I have made a police report .



  449.  #449Sun Goddess on January 11, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Oh C, that is horrible! (((( c ))))



  450.  #450Mochaberri on January 11, 2012 at 3:08 am

    @ Daria #374

    I feel agitated and when I read your posts and you’re riffing and it’s feels scary to hear that you are mistrustful of comments – I feel my nerve endings pulsating in my head

    I called you sweet Daria because you have a soft side when you are providing support. I’m wondering is this something that needs healing when someone responds to you and doesn’t agree with your comments.

    I’m feeling critcized and frightened – soemthing I know I need to heal

    Thank you Daria for bringing that out of me so that I can heal and become soft on the outside and stong on the inside



  451.  #451Senior Lady Vibe on January 11, 2012 at 3:18 am

    “Does a Man Always Ask Out a Woman If He’s Interested In Her?”
    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/does-a-man-always-ask-out-a-woman-if-hes-interested-in-her/



  452.  #452Senior Lady Vibe on January 11, 2012 at 3:25 am

    @448: C says:
    “…I feel so stupid because I was feeling all girly and felt like wearing my wedge-heels out just for the fun of it.
    And because of that it was impossible to run after the guy. I would have sprinted like the wind and beaten him up I would have. ..”

    I’m glad you didn’t run after him! Be extra sweet to yourself; he’s the stupid one, a jerk too!

    {{{C}}}

    xoxo



  453.  #453C on January 11, 2012 at 4:20 am

    Thank you ladies. It is so weird. This is the fourth time in my life it has happened.
    I was feeling calm and quiet and rather happy as it has been a rough couple of days and things have felt resolved, and then this happened.

    The last few times it happened , when I think about it, I did not respond in time and this time I just yelled out so loud I think it frightened him!!! It was like a roar!!! The moment I felt a hand I yelled and as I turned around and realized what had just happened I continued roaring so loudly and projected my voice so FAR (I am usually not confident in confronting situationas and when I was in primary school I lip-synced in the choir as I did not have it in me to find my voice, just a gist of how far I have come!!)

    RRAAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    I feel quite powerful but I so seriously wish I could have sprinted after him!!

    I stood there and watched him run off and yelled so loudly at him
    RRAAWWRRR!!!! DROP DEAD MotherF@#$%^ or something like that.

    I cried a bit when I called the police (unfortunately i did not see his face) but I have a feeling I feel stronger now and not feeling weakened by this incident.

    RRAAWWWRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  454.  #454C on January 11, 2012 at 4:43 am

    I was feeling glad all the bad stuff has passed and wanted to go get coconut milk to make the curry properly and I saw these wedge sandals I bought months ago and thought, hey time to try it out!!
    And because of that it was impossible to run after the guy. I would have sprinted like the wind and beaten him up I would have.
    I was feeling all calm and walking slowly and feeling like the kind of calm after a storm and renewed and mellow and unworried. he must have thought I was weak!!!
    I have never roared so loudly in my life!!! noone came though, one car passed by I tried to stop it but it was dark maybe they didn’t see me.
    With all those dreams I used to have when I was very little, like losing my voice and no voice no matter how loudly I tried to yell out to my parents who kept walking further and further into the cave…and I had no voice evry time it happened when I got molested the next few times, but tonight I roared so loud like a lion



  455.  #455C on January 11, 2012 at 4:47 am

    I am feeling a bit shaken now though, asI recall the feeling of his hands roughly grabbing me…i feel disgusted



  456.  #456Mel on January 11, 2012 at 4:49 am

    @ FW:

    Si, hablo. I lived/worked in latin america for a while, in a past life. In this life, my Spanish is interfering with my ability to learn French. lol

    The other day, Mr. A, who does not speak any Spanish (except for a few phrases a crazy lady taught him whilst we were in the emergency room a while back… lol) texted me: estoy enamorado OMG *swoon*!



  457.  #457Silver Moonbeam on January 11, 2012 at 4:53 am

    #453/4/5

    C that is just horrible. {{{ HUGS }}}

    Good on you for roaring at him, maybe it will stop him doing it to another woman. I don’t know where you live, is this common in your country as you say it is the 4th time it has happened, I know in some countries men take a different approach to women than in other countries.



  458.  #458C on January 11, 2012 at 4:55 am

    And no a man dosn’t always ask a lady out if he is interested in her because I have ssen it often with guys I know as friends and very often it boils down to them not having enough confidence. but when it is someone they are absolutely mad about, they will find the last shred of confidence and take a chance and risk rejection..sometimes..



  459.  #459Mel on January 11, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Kudos C, you were a strong, resilient lioness!



  460.  #460C on January 11, 2012 at 4:58 am

    ^^ that was in response to @451 Senior Lady Vibe

    Wow I am sitting here feeling worried for feeling like Ihave interrupted the conversation with my outpour…doormat much, lol!!



  461.  #461T-Girl on January 11, 2012 at 5:01 am

    C – so sorry to hear that happened to you and more than once. I can’t even imagine how that must feel.



  462.  #462Mel on January 11, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Oooh! Mr. A has emerged from his cave! This morning I got an email:

    “Would you be interested in coming over? I’m missing you!”

    Awwwww…. of course you are missing me cupcake! That’s what happens when you sequester yourself to your cave for too long. lol



  463.  #463C on January 11, 2012 at 5:03 am

    #457 Silver Moonbeam,
    thank you kindly 🙂

    the first two times it happened was in Singapore where I am from.

    The first time was my cousin when I was 10 and he was 11 and I woke up with his hand in my pants while we were away on a family holiday.
    That shut me down for my teenage years and I avoided boys and it was easy to as I went to a girl’s school did not really interact with guys until I was about 20.

    The second time was in singapore.

    The next two times have been in Australia, where I have lived for 10 years.

    Thank fully I have not lived in any societies where women’s rights are not a given. And it still happens.

    I want to find him and punch him .!!



  464.  #464Lizka on January 11, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Good morning ladies!!! 🙂



  465.  #465C on January 11, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Thank you T Girl, Mochaberri and Sun Goddess.
    Big Hugs and Love.

    Good morning Lizka!!
    It is time for me to go to bed it is 1220am in Aussieland 🙂

    Have a wonderful day ahead



  466.  #466C on January 11, 2012 at 5:21 am

    and Thank you Mel also ,big hugs!!!



  467.  #467Lolita on January 11, 2012 at 5:37 am

    I felt so anxious last night, he was supposed to call but by 10 he hadn’t… Then I did the circular breathing and opened my heart… And he called to say good night.



  468.  #468tenny on January 11, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Good morning Sirens! Love and blessings to you all this beautiful morning. Do you see the sun rising along Siren Island 🙂

    I am writing on the blog this morning instead of sending a text to CD Song. I’m feeling that man lovely!! And it feels so sweet to feel this euphoria, but it makes me feel so good about myself… it’s just so hard to contain it all, I want to reach out to him, but I know to lean back even more. My feminine energy drew him in, and now it will keep him coming, I just have to keep my hands off that phone!!!!



  469.  #469Ella on January 11, 2012 at 5:50 am

    Hi Sirens,

    Have just stopped in for a bit of moral support.

    Today I am promoting my Zumbathon Charity Party locally. It is in a couple of weeks and as well as promoting my classes will also be raising money for breast cancer.

    I am hoping to create a bit of a buzz around it and am currently trying all different avenues to promote it.

    I really want to contact a local newspaper and invite them to cover it but at the moment my NVs are getting the best of me saying that a paper will have much more important, juciy stories to cover, and that they will laugh at me if I phone up with my little Zumbathon Party.

    What do you all think?

    Should I try to pluck up the courage to contact them anyway and just give it a shot?

    Phone or e-mail?

    I feel scared.

    Lots of crazy energy today though.

    Trying to remember to go slow but at least I am getting a lot done.

    🙂



  470.  #470tenny on January 11, 2012 at 5:53 am

    Senior Vibe Lady:

    I LOVE Sade!!! Thanks for sharing!!!



  471.  #471Femininewoman on January 11, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Mel I don’t know how to say this properly so forgive me if it doesn’t come out right. Just be careful of giving him the impression that you are there at his convenience and that connection can only happy when he wants it. It is something I am struggling with.



  472.  #472Mel on January 11, 2012 at 6:08 am

    FW…

    That’s a bit of a conundrum, isn’t it? I mean, we don’t want to lean forward and initiate contact… we want them to come to us…

    But at the same time, it isn’t all about them.

    Thankfully, I don’t think Mr. A has that impression. He asked me over on Monday and I told him I thought it might be better if I just stayed in and got some stuff done around the house, and had some “me” time. He replied that his first instinct was to keep me all to himself, but that he knows he has to share.

    When he requested my company this evening, I replied that it would only work for me if I came by after ballet. I was feeling so excited about starting the new term and would not miss it for the world.

    Lately, he just wants to see me as much as possible. Often, I don’t even think it’s convenient for him… but he wants to see me anyway.



  473.  #473Femininewoman on January 11, 2012 at 6:17 am

    RED FLAG #3: HE SAYS THINGS THAT HURT
    A man who gives you a backhanded compliment should be left sitting alone on his barstool. But what if it comes from someone who seemed perfect at
    first?
    Sometimes a truly abusive man will get into your good graces by giving you true compliments at first, but then will try to tear you down later on by turning
    those compliments into backhanded verbal slaps.

    http://www.unforgettablewoman.net

    Or he might become even more verbally abusive, teasing you about being “stupid” or “dumb” or asking you questions that are designed to make you
    feel like an idiot. One of the hallmarks of this kind of toxic man is second-guessing yourself.

    If you used to feel very confident but now you take a second thought about anything and everything you do, you’ve met one of the toxic men.



  474.  #474Ella on January 11, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Far too excited today!

    And breath Ella

    🙂



  475.  #475Femininewoman on January 11, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Yeah Mel. A delicate balance.



  476.  #476Femininewoman on January 11, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Some men just aren’t romantic, some men can’t say they love you (though it sounds like you had a very fulfilling phone conversation).

    This is not about “romance.”
    This is about the big ticket items:

    Do you want to be married to him?

    Do you want to live with him?

    When do you suppose that should start to come together?

    Do you see him moving in that direction?

    Are you spending so much time together that living together and marriage seem like a logical next step?

    Or are you “dating” – in which case you should also be “dating” many other men at the same time.

    The 3rd and 4th month of a relationship is very challenging – that’s when things turn real or they don’t.

    What YOU have to do is to start saying not what you WANT – but what you DON’T want – you don’t want to “date” him exclusively indefinitely without knowing where you’re headed or how he feels, and if he just isn’t lighting your fire – perhaps your fire is lit by men who do not treat you well (this guy’s ACTIONS are speaking louder than words – sounds like he’s “giving” to you.

    The next few weeks are for you to become more vulnerable, for you to see if you enjoy his company and want the relationship to move on to marriage, and see what he does.

    They are for you to keep your options open until he tells you to shut them down. He has to make these decisions, and pushing him is not only useless – it does not serve you.

    Take care of yourself, enjoy him on a moment by moment basis – and see if those moments grow into a lifetime.

    Stay in touch with your feelings and you’ll know what’s happening – pushing him to give to you in the way you want him to give to you will not work.

    Let him know whenever he does something you LIKE, and let him know whenever he does something you don’t like.

    Let him know how it feels – what about your relationship makes you feel “not special” – all that (but first – really examine your own feelings, motives – what you really want for the long run.

    I say brava to you to know that if things don’t work for you the way you like, you’re happy to leave and let another man make you happy. It also sounds like this guy deserves a shot.

    The take-away here is that most stuff we think matters doesn’t matter at all.

    It doesn’t matter what other people think, it doesn’t matter what our family thinks, it doesn’t matte what your “brain” thinks – what matters is that you feel “met” emotionally, that your physical, emotional, psychological, romantic needs are being filled enough so that you feel a constant sense of well being and contentment and comfort when you’re around a man and when you aren’t.

    FEELING loved – and TRUSTING you are loved is where it’s at – and when you’re feeling that – you can speak to a man so directly and truthfully and emotionally authentic that he will change what he needs to in order to make you happy. Period.

    So …look for that. Look for your feelings, not for what a man is like on paper.

    Love, Rori



  477.  #477Mel on January 11, 2012 at 6:27 am

    475:

    I think the key is just having a “life” that keeps you somewhat unavailable. Hobbies, activities, friends, CDs, etc. that he also has to compete with for your time.

    This week I am committed to spend time doing some of the things I love (ballet, running). I have also invited a friend to come visit me over the weekend to do some outdoor pursuits, so I will not be available to spend the weekend with Mr. A this week.

    When he first met me, he found m,e interesting because of the cool hobbies and activities I am involved in. I don’t want to give those up for any man! 🙂



  478.  #478Femininewoman on January 11, 2012 at 6:49 am

    So what are some of the main ways you can be too needy and cause yourself constant heartbreak and disappointment with men?
    1. Your neediness can show up as possessiveness and jealousy. There is nothing more miserable than being overwhelmed by your own sense of not being good enough. It makes you clingy and overly attentive to a man’s every move while you ignore your own feelings and needs.
    2. You determine to set good boundaries for yourself but you can’t maintain them because you are worried that the man won’t like you. This can result in you getting intimate with a man before you know that he’s committed to you or letting him treat you in a way that makes you feel like you’re not a priority in his life.
    3. You’ll hold back your feelings and opinions with a man so you won’t disagree with him and rock the boat. If he thinks you agree with him you won’t be judged as wrong. You’ll also avoid any conflict that could erupt from you expressing your personal opinions.
    If you’re too needy and dependent on a man you will be a slave to your feelings. It will keep you in chains of desperation and you will never be able to relax and be yourself with a man.
    There is only one cure for being too needy: emotional freedom! What does emotional freedom feel like when you’re in a relationship? It feels like confidence.
    As opposed to being too needy in your relationship, you’re no longer dependent on the man you are with to make you feel safe, worthy or loved.
    Too needy in your relationship: Stop being the victim
    Emotional freedom requires that you stop seeing yourself as a victim. It requires that you take responsibility for your feelings and act on them accordingly. When you take on your emotions as “your problem” you create less drama in your relationships…less anger, blame and resentment.
    When you’ve worked on yourself and are no longer being needy and desperate in your relationships you will find not only emotional freedom but a great sense of worthiness that you create for yourself and that no one can take away from you

    http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/are-you-too-needy-in-your-relationships/