Introducing…New Rori Raye Coaches!

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0608262920-sidewglassessmallWe’re only half-way through the Pilot Program of RRRCT (Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training) – and yet all the Trainees are amazing and ready to go! Websites up, clients being helped…and so I want to offer this to you:

Try out any one or ALL of these great new coaches for FREE until Training ends in November:

((Go to their websites, check out their photos, get their email addresses, and contact them directly (they are all different, have different and amazing personal stories for you to relate to and be inspired by, all work by phone or Skype (even from Australia, London, France and Romania) – and are fluent in different languages: English, Spanish, Russian, French and Romanian!)):

1. Helena Hart – http://www.HelenaHartCoaching.com

2. Carrie Stanfield –  http://www.carriestanfieldcoaching.com/

3. Leigha Baker  http://www.leighabaker.com

4. Valarie O’Ryan – http://www.coachvalarieoryan.com/

5. Dianne Povey – http://www.coachdianne.com

6. Jenn Jolie – http://www.jennjoliecoaching.com

7. Cindy Ramsey – http://www.CindyRamseyCoaching.com

8. Samantha Harris – http://www.coachsamantha.com/

9. Robbie Nicolai  – http://www.RobbieNicolai.com

10. Sukulina Das – http://www.GrowingVenus.com

11. Charli Conboy – http://www.CharliConboy.com

12. Amanda Neill – http://www.BirthOf VenusCoaching.com

13. Debbie Kowite – http://www.DebbieKowiteCoaching.com

14. Veronika Kazakova (also speaks Russian!) – http://www.nikacoaching.com

15. Alina (also speaks Romanian!) – http://www.mycoachalina.com

Be sure to let me know privately how each coach you try out helps you (these new coaches are still in Training, and I want to be only supportive and helpful to them – your private letter to me will help both them, and me as their teacher…). Just write Melanie at Melanie@CoachRori.com, and she’ll forward your letters to me.

Love, Rori

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205 Comments

  1.  #1Vi on October 7, 2013 at 7:05 am

    🙂



  2.  #2Femininewoman on October 7, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Hhhmm



  3.  #3Sophie on October 7, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    I want to say good luck to all the new coaches and thank you Rori for the gift xx



  4.  #4Mercedes on October 7, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    What beautiful women coaching for Rori! 🙂 Lovely.

    One issue though…this link doesn’t work:

    Charli Conboy – http://www.CharliConboy.com

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  5.  #5Turquoise on October 7, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Good luck to all the new coaches!



  6.  #6Zia on October 7, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    That’s wonderful! 🙂



  7.  #7Olivia on October 7, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    Kudos to the new coaches who are inspired by this work, and will help many many women (and men!) with their unique gifts.



  8.  #8Olivia on October 7, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    @Mercedes: I’ve been contemplating your advice to Elsie to add a third CD into the mix. I’m triggered by it, and I want to investigate that more!

    What triggers me is the fear of losing a man that you “have.”

    I’m 30. My man is 32. He treats me damn well and is moving the ball forward always, but I don’t have everything I want just yet. I’m not engaged yet, I don’t have the baby that I want. He would not be okay with me CD-ing. He would be so threatened and hurt that he wasn’t “enough” for me. And I love him. And I would NEVER want to lose him!

    Just as a thought experiment…Would you advise me to CD? Would you advise basically anyone to CD until they had exactly what they wanted? Or was it something in particular about Elsie’s story? Her indecision? I consistently relate to Elsie’s story and her moments of indecision, the chronic second-guessing oneself.

    It would just feel so reckless, when I’m here, trying to settle down with a man and start a family as soon as possible because I feel so ready for that and I have a good man…..

    hmm….I’m feeling so open to your opinion and your voice on this! Even if I disagree…I feel open to being challenged.



  9.  #9Memulo on October 7, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    I guess it is a bad idea to contact him?



  10.  #10Zia on October 7, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    oh my goodness. if any sirens haven’t joined this summit yet, today’s call is the one to listen to! so juicy and feminine <3

    datingwithdignitysummit.com



  11.  #11Zia on October 7, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Olivia – I personally wouldn’t CD if I was already in an exclusive relationship, in the sense of going on dates with men. I WOULD however CD myself (take myself on dates, and “CD” by interacting with people on a day to day basis). Your situation however, it sounds like you need to look at how you feel with this person and decide what YOU want and what would make you happy, and be honest with whether he is the one who is able to give you that?



  12.  #12Zia on October 7, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    Olivia – Elsie is bouncing between two men and trying to work out who to choose, and from my understanding isn’t in a committed relationship with either? It’s very different.



  13.  #13Memulo on October 7, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    I feel that I screw this up. Could say that I missed him?? Maybe then he’d think about seeing me. Otherwise it’s like I called to ask what happened last year.

    I thought my feelings were very obvious, but maybe not



  14.  #14Indigo on October 7, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Something came to me today, just my own thought,

    “I may not be where I want to be, but I can enjoy where I am.”

    Simple, yet powerful. I believe acceptance, and re-focusing my attention and energy, is a big part of my journey at the moment.



  15.  #15Zia on October 7, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    I’m still feeling all warm and glowy after listening to that interview this morning!



  16.  #16Iris on October 7, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    I was in the process of finalizing a divorce, my husband had moved out on his own. A male co- worker confided that he wanted to continue in his marriage but wanted to have sex with me as his wife would not sleep with him. I agreed. The sex and companionship was fantastic. After six months, I moved out of state to pursue my career. Never looked back. Eighteen years have past. I email him, he calls me the same day. Currently he is in the divorce process after 19 years of marriage. I let him know that i would like to date him, he states wanting the same. We live 3 states away from each other. When I ask questions about him, his answers them . His conversation became sensual , I loved it and flowed with it. Three weeks later he abruptly stopped. I would like to have a non sensual conversation to reacquaint with him. I would like to know the words to say to have him communicate. I am dating 2 men and just started speed dating. Started working out some times twice a day because it feels great. Thank you in advance. Iris Ps. just purchased Rori’s collection and listening to it.



  17.  #17Lemonbutter on October 8, 2013 at 12:39 am

    Memulo no.13

    I personally wouldn’t contact him. Love you focus on making yourself feeling good, and taking care of you. Go out and start dating others?

    It feels as if you’re anxious about the lack of contact with this man, and he’s not initiating.



  18.  #18Lemonbutter on October 8, 2013 at 12:59 am

    Was involved with a man who seemed to make less effort with me after a time, and became more demanding in the sex department. I made a lot of mistakes with him, didn’t communicate properly with him, leaned forwards, criticised him, didn’t lay down firm boundaries, however when he started to become more demanding sexually, I started to move away from him.

    I felt like I didn’t trust his intentions, I felt more protective of myself and I moved away from him physically and emotionally. Then he asked again when I was going to be physical with him, I told him I couldn’t and how it would make me feel. He then gave me the silent treatment. A frequent behaviour of his.

    Would you ever be open to communication with a man if he attempted to contact you, after behaving like this?



  19.  #19Femininewoman on October 8, 2013 at 2:09 am

    Lemonbutter you shut down so he could do nothing eLse but shut down too. You were the leader here.



  20.  #20Arabianlove on October 8, 2013 at 4:41 am

    What do you suggest lemonbutter did instead?
    She knew what he wanted wasn’t what she wanted from him. She wants more than that. I think her reaction was only normal. Very rarely do people change. They do so because they choose to. So if all he wanted was sex then thats all he cares for!



  21.  #21Lemonbutter on October 8, 2013 at 5:06 am

    Femininewoman I agree with you that I did shut down, though I did that because I sensed that emotionally he’d already decided to shut me out, and at the time I didn’t know what else to do. I wasn’t aware of Rori Raye at the time.

    Arabianlove, that is very much how I felt, like I didn’t know what else to do. This was a man who started out strong, took me out frequently, insisted on paying for everything, was affectionate and attentive, and then gradually he seemed colder, less tolerant of me and sex-focused.

    I felt insulted by this because I felt as if I’d been ‘downgraded’ to something less.



  22.  #22Arabianlove on October 8, 2013 at 5:12 am

    Lemonbutter i have been in that situation recurrently lol when you start to feel used like yeah i got this girl and dont even need to do anything anymore thats when you back away. They are not meant for us as simple as that!



  23.  #23Lemonbutter on October 8, 2013 at 5:25 am

    You’re right Arabianlove…I’m still trying to get my head around it to be honest. How someone can switch like that. I’m trying not to feel anger towards this man, because I know it’s not healthy. With time, and LOTS of self-love and excitement I know I’ll get past it.

    It does cause me to feel like a duped fool though.



  24.  #24Dominique on October 8, 2013 at 6:50 am

    Olivia – 8 – If the relationship is moving in the direction you want, why would you consider dating others? How about CDing the world, i.e. engaging with, being open and curious about, flirting with maybe everyone, men, women, children, animals.

    I don’t remember how long you’ve been together, yet remember each person has their own time line. All of this doesn’t usually happen quickly.

    You have a better chance of getting exactly what you want if you can love and appreciate, feel thankful for and openly express all that you DO have.

    xxoo



  25.  #25Rori Raye on October 8, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Welcome Iris! Love, Rori



  26.  #26Indigo on October 8, 2013 at 9:51 am

    Lemon Butter,

    Men are not like us, and they don’t see these things the same way we do.

    Don’t feel foolish or duped – if I were you I’d try to embrace the decision that I made and just accept the differences between men and women in that way. You may never know why things changed for him, and then again you may. One day you will find someone where it will stick.

    xx



  27.  #27Carla on October 8, 2013 at 11:45 am

    What a generous offer! I will definitely be contacting you ladies. I almost signed up for this program as I have my own health/lifestyle coaching business and am interested in expanding into relationship coaching,. So I will be very curious to know how you ladies are doing!! Hope to join in the next round of training. Thanks Rori!!
    Love,
    Carla



  28.  #28Silver-Tongued Siren on October 8, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Tereana,

    Thanks!! It feels good to have my presence acknowledged!



  29.  #29Joy on October 8, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Ugh, this date planning thing must really be my lesson right now.

    I expressed to one guy that it would feel great to know the game plan a day or two in advance, as my schedule gets kind of crammed.

    This was sort of telling him what to do, I suppose? Do you think this was against Rori’s Four Rules?

    Well, he said he was fine with that. Then proceeded to ask me on a same-day date. I said I could not make it. He asked when else I was free. I gave him two options when I am free later in the week.

    He just said, “Sounds good, I can do that. I really look forward to seeing you again.”

    Sheesh, I was hoping he would let me know a specific day and time. So what do I do from here?

    I just replied, “Me too!”

    I think what I will do is stick to my own boundaries. In other words, if he does not ask me out two days in advance for one of the two options I gave him, then I will tell him “I feel bummed, it would have felt great to see you, but I made other plans, as I had not heard any follow-up details about our date.”

    What do you ladies think about all this? Is it better to guide these somewhat clueless guys through actions (turning down same-day dates, etc) or through feeling messages or what?



  30.  #30Mercedes on October 8, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Olivia: I wouldn’t advise cding if you have already decided you are in a committed, exclusive relationship and he is moving forward in a direction you want it to go. I advise it for Elsie and others because they jump from one exclusive relationship to another, they feel confused and insecure, they want more than they have now and they don’t know how to go about getting it. That kind of confusion (loving two very different men at the same time is confusion) means the woman really, really needs to figure HERSELF out and stop expecting the men in her life to be all the answers for her.

    In your situation, you have already committed (much earlier…before you became exclusive…is when I would have given the cd advice to you. possibly even shortly after you became exclusive. And most likely, that cding would have moved up his timeline a little…) so I see no reason to change that now as long as you are certain this is the man who will give you that marriage and children, etc that you want. If he seems to be moving forward, I would keep things exactly as they are. If, on the other hand, you find yourself attracted to other men and what they can offer you and you find yourself needing your friends and us bloggies to convince you that you should be with this man and if you find yourself confused and loving a man and not being sure *why* you love him so much…at that point…ask for my advice…I almost guarantee I will say “date other men”. LOL

    Right now, it seems to me that you are crazy in love with the man in your life and that you both know what the future most likely brings for you. I would change nothing and continue to love and care for him, yourself and your relationship.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    PS: If you have been dating this man less than a year my advice would probably be a lot different but the blog exhausts me with the “if this / then that” stuff so I would prefer to discuss privately. I would have a few questions for you before I would discuss what my instincts tell me about relationships that have not been going on for long. If you’re interested in any of that, feel free to email me.



  31.  #31Femininewoman on October 8, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    Lemonbutter staying open is key. Regardless of what any man is saying or doing around you. Part of staying open is speaking your truth, sharing your feeling state without drama. He might have “nested” and then started making less effort. He might have only been interested in sex. The best way to know what is happening with him is to talk.



  32.  #32Olivia on October 8, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Thanks Mercedes ….and everyone else who commented! This helps clarify your philosophy so to speak on this “way” of doing things.

    @Dominique -18 mos. And I’ve been dating myself and the world. It’s fun!



  33.  #33Mercedes on October 8, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    You are very welcome Olivia! I’m typically more than willing to explain what I’m thinking on stuff like this. I know I can come off very “black and white” sometimes but honestly I do recognize a lot of gray areas…I just rarely comment on them. lol

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  34.  #34Cris on October 8, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    growing and growing!! 🙂



  35.  #35Indigo on October 8, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    I must say, I have really been “getting” the concept of not waiting for any man, but falling in love with your own life.

    I get it now.

    It is all about you. You are never waiting, you are always doing what is best for you. So you never give off that needy, desperate vibe, and you are never in a place you don’t want to be. What a wonderful way to live your life.

    And conversely it can never be about him, what he is saying, thinking, doing and why. That cannot matter and is not important.

    I have also really got that men are different from us, and we can’t talk to them as if they are women, and I really get that there is a world of difference between sharing your feelings cleanly, and expecting something from him.

    And the difference is in what I said above. You are always going to be concerned with your own life and doing what is best for you, and not in thinking about or pressuring him to take a particular kind of action.

    I get it now, and it feels wonderful, and very calm!



  36.  #36Linda G on October 8, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    I can’t believe this of myself! After weeks of leaning so far back I hardly speak, this guy who has been obsessively generous and attentive did not respond to an email I sent. He had emailed me first about our upcoming date
    In my response I exposed my emotional reaction to a tragic story I saw on a documentary

    No response from him!
    Today I texted, did he get my email and he texted back he was looking forward to reading my email when he gets a chance!

    I leaned forward and now feel ick, realizing that even though my feelings for him are uncertain, suddenly I panicked! Aaaarghhhh!!!!!!



  37.  #37Daria on October 8, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    Linda G – for a ‘switch’ Yay and Congratulations for noticing how you felt!



  38.  #38Linda G on October 8, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    Thanks, Daria, for taking the squeeze off my head

    All this time, wondering what the lesson would be with him, now I know….Yay!



  39.  #39Linda G on October 8, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    Also realizing how it feels to be vulnerable



  40.  #40Daria on October 8, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    yay i just saw pictures from GetRight’s ex’s birthday, that he was in love with (even when i met him and leaned forward into a relationship with him) and with the wife of my very first ever man i had a sexual relationship with that he LEFT me to date her in hs…

    and im not hating on them! yay me im so self focused!



  41.  #41Linda G on October 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Fantastic, Daria
    Myself, even hearing the same name of my ex’s wife still triggers me

    Knowing and loving yourself and that each chapter is a journey….



  42.  #42Linda G on October 8, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    Babbling
    Sorry

    So now I get a response that oh yeah he saw my email yesterday, even looked for the film
    Explained his take on the issue
    No comfort for my feelings or the victim the film was about

    Same guy who is dismissive about my work and causes, though generous and demonstrative



  43.  #43Lisa on October 8, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    Wow I’ve missed so much… I couldn’t get on the blog for several days… Congrats on the coaches!!! Wow lots of new coaches!

    I’m feeling very motivated now that my adrenals are feeling more healed and I’m more focused and clear… energy is getting better… not so driven..

    but as far as men go, I really feel I’ve stopped trying… I’ve got so much to do here now that my health seems to be on the rise.. that, they can come or go, I’m not concerned…

    I’m still grieving over “M”… not sure why, I do so well for 2mos.. and now… it’s hitting me hard…

    Indigo told me this would happen…

    but finances seem to be on the incline… I’m happy about that….. making big break through with myself and my beliefs… so I feel happy…

    maybe the grief is coming b/c I’m cleaning out closets and getting rid of old stuff..that usually happens with me…

    OXOX



  44.  #44Veronica on October 8, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    From the previous thread (I still haven’t caught up fully):

    Liquid Light – 314 – : ) I enjoy the energy in your words – much appreciated and thank you!

    FW – 318 – Oh you too have been banned? I hope the ‘bannings’ stop soon because now I don’t know if the silence here is because people are busy or because they’ve been banned. Good to see you here.



  45.  #45Veronica on October 8, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    Indigo – 35 – Awesome! Thank you so much for writing this – it’s really opening it up for me.



  46.  #46Zia on October 8, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    I’m back in a place where I want to find a FWB….. yummy



  47.  #47Indigo on October 8, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    Veronica,

    🙂

    I feel happy this hit home for you.

    It felt wonderful for me to realize this.



  48.  #48Indigo on October 8, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    (((Lisa)))

    I’ve noticed grieving comes in waves – it washes over you, you cry and then you feel better. It’s like there’s a rhythm or a flow to it. I admit to slightly dreading the downhill parts, but I try to just allow it and it does pass quicker and less painfully than before.

    x



  49.  #49Indigo on October 8, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Linda G, 42

    I hope this doesn’t come across as in any way dismissive of what you feel, I just have noticed the same thing in myself.

    And what I’ve learned in talking to my mom is that men just don’t see things the same way, or feel the same way as us, or necessarily understand our soppier, softer feelings at all. I’ve noticed it with many of my masculine friends and boyfriends – they can appreciate it and accept it in a woman, but they don’t understand it.

    Women tend to have a high emotional intelligence… and this is our gift to men, but they are not where we are in this area. I believe they have different gifts for us.



  50.  #50Tereana on October 8, 2013 at 10:20 pm

    Wow, that’s so cool. Lots of support to the new coaches!! 🙂



  51.  #51Tereana on October 8, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    I wonder if there is a limit to how much coaching they can give? Like is it a set number of sessions per person? Do they decide individually? I’m intrigued and not sure if I’d try it, but if I did I wouldn’t want to totally take advantage of them. Lol



  52.  #52Linda G on October 9, 2013 at 3:34 am

    Thanks, Indigo for your keen insight

    I realize this deep down, but somehow I am “fighting” this guys attentions and affections, especially physically

    It is so hard for me to open up that when I do it’s scary and I guess I want to be rewarded somehow, maybe by just being “got”



  53.  #53Linda G on October 9, 2013 at 3:35 am

    Zia, I wish I could be in that FWB place…I feel like it would set me free sexually



  54.  #54Lemonbutter on October 9, 2013 at 4:47 am

    Indigo, you are so right thank you #26. Also I agree with #35 too. It is amazing how much my emotions and mood can swing upwards when I focus lovingly on myself and my own life. I just wish I could stay feeling that way all the time. It’s all about practice I guess 😀

    Femininewoman #31, I agree. Shutting up tight has been a coping strategy for me for so long, that at the time I didn’t know any different. In future, regardless of how I feel, I will do all I can to stay open with a man.



  55.  #55Zia on October 9, 2013 at 6:35 am

    Linda G – after listening to that interview yesterday I’m feeling soooo inspired and good about the idea. I just want a man to play with and just learn with! The three questions they said to ask are: “Will it be easy, will I have fun, and will I learn something from it”. Yes!



  56.  #56Zia on October 9, 2013 at 6:38 am

    Feeling all warm and fuzzy at the thought, yummy. I want to play!!



  57.  #57Lemonbutter on October 9, 2013 at 6:46 am

    A man to play with and learn with? Sounds like a refreshing idea.

    Strange thought. Why is it that to some men (usually the ones I don’t find attractive) I am some beautiful, stunning creature. Yet to other men (usually the ones I DO find attractive) it seems I’m invisible.

    I feel confused by that.



  58.  #58Lisa on October 9, 2013 at 7:02 am

    I want a man to play with and learn with! I agree! Refreshing! and adventurous…

    I feel weird… I’ve been getting calls with no one speaking on the other end.. for awhile now. I call back the number later on ( b/c they are using my toll free number for my business) and the number isn’t even a valid number or it was a temporary number. I have a strong feeling I know who it is… and I say his name in a loving voice when no one says anything when I answer. But this one was 3am this morning, luckily I was up getting water in the kitchen and it didn’t awake me… but again, I called the number back this morning and it said the number is no long valid please contact the real estate professional at ……. which was not even real…

    So, I’m confused … what to do… I can’t allow this behavior to continue… it can be very disruptive to my family … I’m going to have to unplug the phone every night I suppose though that doesn’t feel right since if there was an emergency, I’d not know…

    I have a feeling he is trying to reach out to me now it’s been almost 3mos. but this is not the way to do it… and I can’t prove it…

    and before anyone makes an assumption, he used to tell me how he did things like get phone numbers to keep his identity from being known and he is a expert on keeping his digital footprint unknown and finances secret… so I do have really good reason to think it is him…

    I haven’t a clue what to do….

    feeling frustrated….

    OXOXO



  59.  #59Memulo on October 9, 2013 at 7:48 am

    He says he misses me. But then asks if I am going to be angry if we meet? What do I say – I will feel hungry tomorrow night, please can you feed me?

    I don’t want to keep talking over text about this. I’d rather take it lighter and finally see each other. What do I reply to him??



  60.  #60Daria on October 9, 2013 at 7:48 am

    Lisa – how about a stern “stop calling me or I’m calling the police!” that sometimes works for me



  61.  #61Cris on October 9, 2013 at 8:24 am

    dear ladies, I love you all, so take care with the games… they can end up playing with you!! games are for strong minds I think… if you are sure about your goals and future behaviour, then go ahead!! xoxo



  62.  #62Mercedes on October 9, 2013 at 9:20 am

    Cris: Are there specific games you are referring to here?

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  63.  #63Emerson on October 9, 2013 at 9:44 am

    36 Linda don’t be too hard on yourself that does not sound bad at all. Just lean back and take a deep breath.
    I feel the same way sometimes I feel a sense of urgency …



  64.  #64Emerson on October 9, 2013 at 9:53 am

    I feel scared and incecure but I also feel good about how I’ve been taking care of myself…



  65.  #65Linda on October 9, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Being able to have a moment to post here while I am at work makes me happy.

    I am emotionally spent. After things between FavoriteCD and I have been so peaceful and flowing so well….. It all blew up yesterday. The issue that I have posted about before that concerns my one of my adult children and her husband and their guarded acceptance of a new person in my life. FavoriteCD’s behaviors and tyraids fed my not pushing the issue because I was not sure that he was definately going to be in my life. But, since my agreeing to try again after breaking it off with him and things going so well…when the issue of my son-in-laws 30th birthday coming this Sunday and my daughter calling to invite me to the gathering they were planning. I used the expressed to my daughter about how I would like for him to be included in events, functions etc. She said they would like to start within a different setting to build relationship with him and would call him to set up a time to begin that. Big PROGRESS ! and I felt happy and hopeful at air of openness and honesty…. when I got home from work yesterday, I told FavoriteCD (who was at my house painting outside… his offer)…that I wanted to talk to him. He said..”anything baby whats up?” kissing me etc.. In my heart I felt apprehensive because of the past history with him… but hopeful that he would respond positively) I shared my converstation with my daughter and about the party and that I had not agreed to attend and… he just blew up at me.

    He said so many hurtful things… threatend the continuance of our relationship with a deadline of thanksgiving.. said “they could go to H…L ” that he would not go if they asked him….threw his painting stuff on the ground, stormed in the house gathered up his things to leave. I told him I wished he would not do what he was choosing to do… he said he was going..! I remained calm and said I did not want him to leave and wished he would reconsider his actions and the reminding him of the assurances he made to me when we reconciled 3 weeks ago… he stopped. but not after unleasing some really terrible things rolling off his tongue that are still ringing in my ears.

    We attempted to talk after he reconsidered his angry storming around…but him bringing up thing after thing ( all things that I thought were settled from the past). I sat an listened to him I heard his negative judgments, huge ego and broad stroked statements of “this will never change” coupled with blaming me, accusations, and telling me what felt like hoops I had to jump thru in order to meet his expectations and what he would find acceptable only to hear that he believed it would not change a thing anyway.

    I shut down..

    This is painful to write. I would give ANYTHING if he had not reacted as he chose to. He totally did what he said he would’nt and it totally undermine and erases what he said to me.. that I am the one.. I am beautiful.. will do whatever it takes.. want to marry me… never wanting be without me. After last night it just seems like a bunch of manipulative BS.

    The tape he is running is a fulfilling itself. It makes me feel ill and pushes me away. I feel done with this drama and my heart is closed up. I am seeking peace now. He has put it on me to decide to accept his terms or else. How can you say you love someone and try to control them? They dont belong in the same sentence let alone in a relationship.



  66.  #66Turquoise on October 9, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Mr. Conversation and I are fighting/snippy with each other. He’s saying a lot of toxic type stuff. I don’t know what to do… I know it’s his nature to push people away, but I don’t want to be talked to that way… and he doesn’t want to hear it.

    Not sure what to do here. I tend to just walk away when things aren’t good.

    Right now we have agreed to be cordial.



  67.  #67Linda on October 9, 2013 at 10:43 am

    I do believe that all things… even the things that feel really really bad, work together to illuminate our path and direct us.

    For all this to happen.. even though I am extreeeemly disappointed and sad.



  68.  #68Linda on October 9, 2013 at 11:03 am

    For all of this to unfold..I feel thankful inspite of my disappointment



  69.  #69Linda on October 9, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Through all of this in my life… I keep feeling like I have torn down my life with my own hands and foolishly so. sigh….. I am going to chase that down in my heart and find out what that is really all about.



  70.  #70Cris on October 9, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Dominique, I am referring to those relationships that start from our side as “having fun” “just playing” etc and finally evolve in some feelings, deeper than you expected…

    hope it is clear now, sorry



  71.  #71Cris on October 9, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Linda… my best wishes



  72.  #72Lemonbutter on October 9, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Of all the things I’ve accepted from a man, a raised voice and hurtful words would never be among them.

    It would be game over and I’d walk away and never look back.



  73.  #73Maxine on October 9, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Indigo
    Feels lovely to be remembered and referred to in your post on the last thread. Thank you for your care in wondering if things worked out for me. I got blocked from the blog..same troubles others were having and I majorly STRESSED OUT! Feeling sooo rejected and judged by the people closest to me and then I had no Sirens Island to visit urrrrghhh..
    I have done as yourself and Daria suggested..
    Practise tools daily and stay commited to the great changes I want for My Life..not theirs!!
    And since this theme has been my top value..I have EASILYbeen finding myself being more open and present in the company of my family and friends.
    Most importantly though, I appear to have lost my best friend of 20 years.
    No longer appears I can give her what she ‘Needs’ from this ‘new maxine’
    Damn agony aunt and general doormat! Thats what i used to offer her and now she sees me leaning back and shes got all needy and clingy…urgh
    Feeling amazed and sad that there are things we all tolerate for SOOO long!
    Indigo you sound so in touch with feeling and I read on a post i think that you feel your extra sensitive..this is how my best friend is too! Do u feel that she maybe needs more than I can give her as a very sensitive soul? I just feel like the new me will only end up letting her down if she really needs constant reassurance about how i feel about her…
    It doesnt feel good to me to be in a place of ‘needing to provide reassurance’ and when I feel its being demanded of me as a condition of our friendship then i end up withdrawing from her even more..
    As the sensitive soul that you are can u tell me if you would feel as she does? Should I be making so much effort?



  74.  #74Maxine on October 9, 2013 at 11:35 am

    (((Linda)))
    I feel so awful reading how you were so upset and well, justhugs to you!
    You sound pragmatic though and I feel hopeful that this guy at least finds it in himself to say sorry!
    Go bathe yourself in a candlelit bath and hope you find some peace awww…



  75.  #75Veronica on October 9, 2013 at 11:43 am

    I still feel love for BM. I thought it was receding over the past couple of days but today… I’m enjoying it but I hope I don’t suffer for it.

    CultureCD mentions the next thing we could do when we hang out. I like that. It’s not even a waiting a couple of days to suggest something. And it’s quite friendly, there’s no pressure to turn it into anything, which I feel relieved by. I’m a little spooked by men who want to move things too quickly as I’m not ready for anything romantic. I responded that I couldn’t make it and he suggests another thing to do. This man seems to be quite a gentleman. I’m glad I didn’t lean forward at all. He also seems to take really good care of himself. And I would like to be around that energy.

    I feel bad that I’m on a dating site when I know I’m not ready for a relationship. I feel skittish like I want to flee. I didn’t promise anyone anything. The sweet kind men are just talking to me not pushing for anything and that feels great.

    But I still feel skittish. I don’t want my head full of thoughts about men. I want to be nicely hidden in my own world, doing my own thing.

    And sometimes it feels like they’re pulling me to them. There was that one week when my energy was so drawn to BM and I thought I was failing so bad at doing my own thing only to find out that he was thinking about me a lot.

    Is there a tool to say I need some rest from all this pulling? : )



  76.  #76Veronica on October 9, 2013 at 11:52 am

    I feel scared of the men who want something from me or want me to do something – I’m so sensitive that my behaviour doesn’t make sense. It feels suffocating, trapping.

    One man wants to hear my voice and wants to call me – I’m scared up inside and yet he’s just asking what is normal practice for dating sites. None of his messages have anything remotely romantic in them and I’m still scared.

    I’m scared that I’ll get into a situation that I can’t get out of. I know this feeling but I can’t express it properly.



  77.  #77Indigo on October 9, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Hi Maxine,

    It felt so lovely reading your post. I feel so encouraging towards you and I am glad you are making these positive changes.

    I can tell you that ABSOLUTELY when you start making changes like these and start being more in touch with yourself and healing, it *does* shake up the relationships with those around you. A very typical reaction is for people to act a bit “put out” at first when you start being more authentic, if they were used to dealing with you more on their own terms. But I’ve found it is possible to navigate these waters with kindness, yet firmness, and people do get used to “the new you” eventually. You may even find yourself losing certain friendships and others eventually coming into your life, and I’ve found that you need to develop tolerance for these fluctuations.

    As a very sensitive soul, would I react as your friend has done, pouting and moaning because you are less available for reassurance? No I would not. But I have worked very hard over the years never to demand this of any friend. I allow my friends to flow in and out of my life, and even when I am lonely and they are away from me, I allow it, trusting that they will flow back into my life in time. The true friendships always do (romantic relationships are a different story… I WISH I could have this same flowing attitude with them).

    You can reassure her by saying that you love her and are always here for her, but you don’t need to feel pressured to abandon your feelings and boundaries just because she is pouting. Remember, you have needs too.

    xx



  78.  #78Veronica on October 9, 2013 at 11:59 am

    And I feel like crying but when I say I feel this tense twisting inside me then the tears don’t want to come. Okay still feel a little antsy, but urge to cry is gone. And the antsy is lifting.

    That feels better – I really don’t want to get stuck in those feelings.



  79.  #79Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    Lemonbutter – 57 – You may want to reconsider the men you find yourself attracted to. How about trying to remain as open and curious to them all, even the ones you think you don’t want. They may end up surprising you big time.

    It happened to me, and it has happened to many others.

    I was not attracted to K at first, yet I made a conscious choice to stay open to him anyway. I feel SO thrilled I did.

    What you think you don’t want may be exactly what you DO if you let go of your idea of what “the one” should look like/be like.

    It can take some time and awareness to release old habits and patterns of attraction. What feels like love may not be love at all but addiction or old imprinting patterns.

    I’m not saying this is necessarily you, just something to consider and remain open to.

    xxoo



  80.  #80Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Linda – Your clarity around all of this is so inspiring.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  81.  #81Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Cris – 70 – I think you meant to address Mercedes. 🙂

    xxoo



  82.  #82Joy on October 9, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Got a script together. Next time one of my dates asks “Are you free on Saturday?” I say “Yes. By the way, I really like knowing the details of a date a day or two in advance. My days get pretty busy and I need to be able to plan around a set time :)”

    Bam. Message delivered. Then, if I do not hear from him by the night before the planned date day, I go ahead and make other plans.

    I was watching Christian Carter and he was saying the best way to “qualify” a man is to make your needs known and see if he is willing / able to try to meet them. So this time-in-advance date planning is one of my needs, and I’m making it known.



  83.  #83Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    Maxine – 73 – Being ultra-sensitive doesn’t necessarily mean needy and clingy. Though it could, yet a more aware sensitive will work with this.

    You may want to read what is now a three part article on this subject.

    http://sexandheart.com/dealing-with-your-man-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    xxoo



  84.  #84Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 1:01 pm


  85.  #85Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 1:02 pm


  86.  #86Linda G on October 9, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Dominique
    I know this was intended for Lemonbutter(love that name) but it addresses exactly where I am, too

    “What you think you don’t want may be exactly what you DO if you let go of your idea of what “the one” should look like/be like.

    It can take some time and awareness to release old habits and patterns of attraction. What feels like love may not be love at all but addiction or old imprinting patterns.

    I’m not saying this is necessarily you, just something to consider and remain open to.”

    Thanks from the balcony!



  87.  #87Liquid Light on October 9, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    Well I think Hometown really was just trying to get laid. We went out again last night and I couldn’t believe how inconsiderate and rude he was being. Not only was his version of dinner cheese and crackers, he openly flirted with other women and even exchanged cards with one of them! It felt awful. I am so glad that I resisted him pressuring me last weekend and that I didn’t sleep with him! Yuck!!! The date left such a bad taste in my mouth!



  88.  #88Liquid Light on October 9, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Does anyone here have any experience with Match Stir events? I just signed up for one. I’m a bit nervous since I’ve never attended one before. Any idea what they are like?



  89.  #89Lemonbutter on October 9, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Hi Dominique,

    Thank you for that. That is great advice thank you. In the past, I’ve tried to give guys a chance I didn’t find attractive, only to find myself less attracted to them as I got to know them. I don’t know why, however I will certainly keep my heart open, because I could be in for a surprise at some point.

    Also I was reading some of your articles earlier, they are great, very helpful and I’ll be using them for future reference as well.

    <3



  90.  #90Linda G on October 9, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    Liquid Light;
    I am going to a match stir next week in nyc! Where are you?

    I went to a cooking one, but it wasn’t the right group for me



  91.  #91Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    Linda G – 86 – 🙂

    xxoo



  92.  #92Dominique on October 9, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Lemonbutter – 89 – Look at all of these men right now as practice, or free therapy as Rori puts it, getting you ever closer to the relationship of your dreams.

    Honestly when I first went out with K, I wasn’t turned off, but he certainly wasn’t what I normally went for in looks, and he talked SO much about himself. I decided to give him a chance and see if he was maybe nervous and not full of himself like I thought he could possibly be.

    I feel SO happy I did. It’s been 11 1/2 years, and truly we continue to grow closer and more connected, more loving and in love all the time, AND sex still gets better and better and HAS NOT dropped off at all.

    xxoo



  93.  #93Liquid Light on October 9, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    LInda G, I’m in CA. The one I’m going to is right down the street from where I work! And it happens to be on the same day that I work onsite. So it just seemed like it was meant to be….I’m kinda excited about it! A little nervous too since I’m a bit shy and not great with strangers but I am also v curious about it!



  94.  #94Syreena on October 9, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Hi Linda, I wanted to share what happened to me since following committiment blueprint.

    I had a complete shift, I used to want to chase up anyone who didn’t respond to phone calls e mails etc. Still do in business, but not in realtionships anymore especially with men.
    What happened was that now instead of wanting to chase I don’t even get the urge anymore, I actually started to fee repelled and wanting to distance myself from anyone who did this.
    I felt so suprised by this shift.

    Wanted to ask if anyone else has had this happen?



  95.  #95Lisa on October 9, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    What is a match stir? I’m curious

    @Lemonbutter {{hugs}}]

    @ Linda <3 {{{ hugs}}}

    I'm crying today, just crying, and then I'm fine, enjoying life, then I cry again… lonliness? Missing "M"… wondering about he phone calls…

    What's wrong with me, that I can't seem to attract men that are uplifting, supportive, sane and fun and will grow with me?? beats the hell out of me… every guy friend i have says, your awesome what's wrong with these men… I don't know… they play games, they are hot and cold, they don't step up… doesn't make me feel any better… that ( as my friend says) are blind and crazy not to see what I have to offer…

    Emotions just flooding out of me… I get the chills, when I cry a lot… I want to just go to bed and cry and cry and then sleep…

    Let it go… the wanting for closeness, sharing, fun, growing… with a man… let it go… breathe, breathe

    OXOX



  96.  #96Zia on October 9, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Cris – 70 – no games here. If i were to get into a purely fun physical relationship with someone, I trust myself that if my feelings started to develop more than the man is capable of giving, then I remove myself from that situation. The danger, is when a woman uses a physical/casual relationship in the hope to snare a man into something more, which I have no intention of doing.

    I have no idea whether it’s something I can do, but I’m willing to put myself out there and give it a go. I’ve never had a casual relationship with someone where it was spelled out before anything happened. Live and learn 😉



  97.  #97Zia on October 9, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    Wanted to share this with you ladies, I think it is going to be amazing 🙂 http://braveboldandraw.com/



  98.  #98Zia on October 9, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    I’m feeling so energized and sparkly and charged at the moment. I love feeling this way, wish I could just bottle it up!



  99.  #99Lisa on October 9, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    @Zia I can feel your vibe…. fun! sassy! sparkly and vibrant.. <3 Have fun!



  100.  #100Daria on October 9, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    (((((Liquid Light))))

    is this that same guy that you didnt want to go there with before that turned into the STD topic?



  101.  #101Daria on October 9, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    I just got super amazing support and advice on one of Katarina’s FB pages … Feminine Magnetism, The Journey Inward!

    I feel so happy and surprised, the women there were all supporting me with this what am I gonna do when Bookie contacts me, am I gonna drive to him, and I really feel Empowered now! I totally feel so good and all about me!

    Wow that feels so good and I’ve been wanting sisterhood and more friends and I FEEL that now, I’m attracting it… yayyyyy 🙂

    i feel happpieeee

    no more trying to figure it out going back and forth, I feel good now!

    ANNNNDDDD of course I don’t have to be COLD TO HIM!!!

    OR TRY TO TREAT HIM LIKE A PLATONIC FRIEND

    like i did last time!

    haha !!!

    I can totally be open and flirty, now that I feel confident in knowing what im gonna do

    and its no matter WHAT he does! wow! thats so cool and i guess this is BOUNDARIES!

    wowo freakin wow im giggling here!

    I feel a bit guilty for being cold to him last time,

    oh

    i hope he does come back so i can be warm now

    wow

    Boundaries help me feel lkike im sitting on rock!

    nd i can be warm!

    im not gonna slip and fall

    wow

    this feels FUCHKIN HOT!

    ths feels soooo strong ! on the inside!!

    wow i really get it!!

    yayyy

    i feel so strong!!



  102.  #102Tereana on October 9, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Turquoise (66) – men can say “toxic type stuff” and not be a “toxic man.” And it’s his nature to push people away, as you said, he may be doing it out of fear. Plus some guys just need more space. He may be an introvert and therefore he might get cranky if he doesn’t have enough “alone time.” Trying to “talk about it” will be counter-productive.

    But being sensitive to him and letting him have space might be just what he needs. While you do something fun for yourself. : )

    What do you think?



  103.  #103Tereana on October 9, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Sorry – *if* it’s his nature… 🙂



  104.  #104Tereana on October 9, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    So I’ve had V on my mind a bunch lately.

    For no good reason. He’s the one I had a dream about over the summer. Then, after I told him what was in the dream, he has not responded to me at all. Not one bit. Not even a follow-up. Nothing. And I can’t understand why.

    I know I’m over thinking when I do it, but occasionally I wonder – was it something about the dream? Did he just not really want to know? Is it because he’s seeing someone now, and he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings?

    I suspect it is the latter, though I can’t prove it. I want to tell him that it doesn’t matter. I’m over it. I got hurt once, but it helped me, because I was able to see what was true, and I got through it. I’m passed that. I am more mature now. And I see that, although there is lots of sexual attraction between us, we are only friends. And that’s okay. I still want to be friends. I value his friendship and I want him in my life. He’s a good person. I hope he feels that way about me.

    I wanted to call and tell him that, but it feels wrong. Should I write it? Do nothing? I could wait for him to contact me, but have no reason to believe that he will.

    He’s a good person. I’ll always like him. Even if he isn’t “my person.”

    I have no idea why this is coming up for me right now. I’ve got a lot of other things on my mind. But every time his name pops up on my chat list…I could hide him but I don’t want to *sigh*

    Why do I torture myself? Lol



  105.  #105Tereana on October 9, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    Syreena – I haven’t watched through all of commitment blueprint yet, but now I want to! Lol



  106.  #106Tereana on October 9, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    Speaking of torturing myself…

    When I look back at my life, the past five, ten, or even 15 years, I can see a lot of changes. Personal growth, transformation. I have had tons of “aha” moments, and huge amounts of healing from past hurts.

    But something must still be “off.” Something is still amiss, and I don’t quite know how to fix it. Well-meaning people have lots of ideas and advice. But it doesn’t work for me, because it doesn’t address the heart of the issue. And when I think I’ve addressed it on my own – voila! I turn around and the patterns are still there.

    And I must be doing it to myself. I’m the only one who *could* be doing it to myself. No one else has access, really to the choices I make and the actions I take. Continually blaming “something else” is of course part of the pattern. And I hate it just as much as I hate any other part of it. I know, deep down, that my problems are not really a result of anything outside of me. Maybe sometimes, yeah. But on the whole, that’s a bunch of BS. I don’t even believe it anymore. But I always try and put on a good face.

    I want to “fake it till I make it.” At what? I’m not even sure that I know anymore. Fake it till I make it at finding myself, I guess. Fake it till I make it at being an enlightened, self-aware, emotionally mature, self-sustaining person. People look at me and they see “success.” I’m glad they see it. I feel successful in some ways.

    But it really, really bothers me that I can’t (or don’t) take care of myself financially, on a consistent basis. This bothers me so much, because it feels out of sync with the way I want to see myself, and the way I want to be. It’s me, not living up toy own expectations. I guess other people might be disappointed in me. But no one is more disappointed than I am in myself… :-/



  107.  #107Linda G on October 9, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    Brava Daria!



  108.  #108Lisa on October 9, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    I just read this on facebook…

    by Charles Orlando

    Most people keep/return to a broken relationship due to fear. It feels familiar… safe… and it gives us a sense of security because we are used to it — and if there is a Savior/Save Me dynamic in-play, the draw to the broken relationship is even stronger.

    My question to you: What are you getting out of this dysfunctional relationship that has you so hooked in? Are you saving someone from your past? Are you seeking validation? A sense of being worthy of love… that if he changes, you are “worth it” and therefore lovable?

    this hit home for me b/c myself and others here have mentioned being drawn to men that they want to change… or hope they will change… or say they will change and then quickly go back to the old behavior… so, I love what he said…

    Are you getting a sense of being worthy of love if he changes?

    So getting into a relationship that isn’t right for me, at some level, and then wanting to stay in it and “work it out” seems to have a strong draw for me… ( more so in my past then now) but I’m really sitting with this… what am I getting out of it… if they change… a sense of validation, I did it! I changed him? A sense of now I’m worthy of love? A sense of not having to leave someone I’m attached to…. and go through the grieving.. and the fear of moving on to someone else… ?? These are the questions that come up for me… what do I get out of being with men that I want/need to change?

    If anyone has read the book “women that love too much” you might remember that in that book it talks about how women fall for a man for just a few things she likes about him and ignores the other things… she also falls for his potential instead of “who he is right now”. Which is what Rori calls a imaginary relationship…

    Also Charles talked about how women fall in love with a man for what they hear… men fall in love with what they see. What if we as women fell in love with that men did instead of what they said … which we all know might or might not happen.

    I’m curious about what I would get out of the situation, if I’m with a man that changed for me… what would happen if I only looked forward on my horse and didn’t look back at the past…

    Just like if a dress doesn’t fit, I’m not going to pay money for it and then try and force it on me anyways… I have to accept that the dress doesn’t fit and move on to another dress store…

    I’m very curious now… that my tears have gone… what do I get out of it…

    How might it be different if a man showed up and he fit me… what about that scares me… ?

    I’m feeling fascinated…

    OXOXO



  109.  #109Linda G on October 9, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    I have listened to all of Rori’s programs numerous times. The one that really helps with me, my nature, my stance is Modern Siren. It is less about how to deal with a man and more about how to truly celebrate, experience and explore your own feminine self

    This is where we find our rock, I believe



  110.  #110Vi on October 9, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    I feel so so angry.. One of my exes I felt deep feelings for popped up and I feel mad and I feel rage coming up.. I think this is all because of him that I got into a marriage that did not feel right in so many ways for so long time. I make him absolutely responsible for all the bad feelings I got to experience through my marriage… Oh my – I feel giggly now. I think he could have been wiser and not rubberband into a marriage with the first girl.. I feel so much empathy for that girl by the way… I feel happy he is not happy with her too… I feel blamy for feeling this way.. I think bad of myself for ‘enjoying’ their unhappiness.. It’s just my rage and mad feelings for the ‘lost paradize’ I theoretically could have had with him… I guess I am grieving.. Woooo it immediately made me feel relaxed in my shoulders… I love my rage, I love my mad feelings, I love my GRIEF…. I love my grief.. I love this watm feeling of tears in my eyes, i love tense feeling in my neck… I love me.. It feels good to feel more and more in charge for my happiness.. It would feel good to stop on this feeling 🙂



  111.  #111Andrea on October 9, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    Here is a man who is my age. He treats me with consideration, respect (in many ways) and like I am a treasure to him. We are friends but he always pays for me drinks or dinners when we go out. He comes up with plans well in advance and asks me if I’d go with him. He’s professional and been with the same company for over 15 years. He’s faithful and loyal to friends and family. And he adores me. He wants to be with me. Has given me gifts and hints about financial stability and his plans for future travel and fun things with me.
    Here’s my problem: I am physically repulsed by him. I can consider him a friend because I try to treat every human being with dignity. But he has a horrible smell. He eats like an atrocious monster, scarfing down his food, talking and chewing and spewing at the same time. He gets sauce and crumbs all over his face and clothes. His nose and ear hairs are long and bushy. His teeth are brown in some spots. He speaks in a whiny high pitched voice.

    We live in a small town so I run into him all the time. If I’m in a pinch, he’ll rush to help me out.

    We don’t have the greatest of conversations…

    But I can’t help thinking something is so wrong here. Why do I attract a man like him, who is so good to me but physically repulses me, of a man like my past boyfriend who I’m attracted to and find sexy, but who doesn’t treat me in a way that makes me feel secure, loves, cherished.

    I broke up with the man who made me feel insecure but I don’t know how to end it with the man who treats me so well. Sometimes I can’t even stomach being around him because his smell is so bad. But he (I believe) has a good heart.

    Is it okay to distance myself from him slowly…. I feel bad because I don’t want to come off as shallow. If he were better looking and took care of himself, then I would definitely want to date him. (But… if he looked better, would he still treat me the same???)



  112.  #112Andrea on October 9, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    Jeesh.. so many typos… I mean.. why do I either attract a man like him OR a man like my past boyfriend who I find sexy but who doesn’t treat me well.



  113.  #113Daria on October 9, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    Vi – wow thank you for sharing! I felt surprised and like a light popped on when you said you must be feeling grief! I intend to notice hat certain thought patterns cover my grief



  114.  #114Daria on October 9, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    Andrea – I’ve been practicing scripting how to honestly and self focusedly communicate with men about physical stuff – me not feeling attracted. It felt triggering to write out those scripts.

    I think that’s why it would happen to me, I wasn’t communicating about it out of fear of seeming ‘shallow’ (and hurting them would mean losing their love) intend to heal that



  115.  #115Andrea on October 9, 2013 at 8:23 pm

    OOoohhhh. Vi.. I like all of that Feel paragraph you just did. I’m going to go and feel what’s going on with me and my situation. I’m going to let myself FEEL the repulsion and let myself FEEL the grief and the fear that I’m only worthy of having a smelly, ugly, repulsive man actually love me.
    I feel afraid that the men I’m attracted to will ALWAYS treat me bad and leave me and hurt my heart. And the men who are attracted to me will ALWAYS have something wrong with them.
    I also feel fear and shame in saying, “That man is too fat for me, too unhealthy for me, too vulgar for me, too poor for me, too ugly for me.”
    Because I feel deathly afraid that some one will say that about me. I feel bad and snobby and bitchy and superior and wrong if I weed out men based on materialistic things. I feel scared about not accepting all men into my overflowing gracious all welcoming vagina.



  116.  #116Linda G on October 9, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    Question, do we really need to tell a man we are not attracted to him specifically? Is it not enough to just say that we don’t feel we are a match?

    Although it feels important to script this to myself, if that’s the case, to what end to we have to discuss this ith a guy?



  117.  #117Liquid Light on October 9, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    Thanks Daria 100! 🙂



  118.  #118Liquid Light on October 9, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    @Andrea 112 Don’t tell yourself these stories. They aren’t true but they become true because you believe them. They aren’t serving you, girl! You can have both! You absolutely can!



  119.  #119Liquid Light on October 9, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Addendum to my post 87. I found out that he wasn’t interested in that woman, it was more of a work thing since she works in the same industry. So not feeling so bad about the flirting. That was my label anyway, they were just talking. But even so, he’s pretty cheap even though he makes lots of $$ (not attractive), and though he’s got an amazing apartment, he lives in a place that is really unsafe (high crime area) and my safety is really important. So I’m rapidly talking myself out of it and becoming kinda detached. It feels good to let myself be flexible and move from one feeling to another, being really gaga over someone one minute to being sort of whatever about him the next. Kinda cool…hmmm, another dimension to ‘Liquid Light’ that I hadn’t considered.



  120.  #120Indigo on October 9, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    (((Lisa)))

    There is nothing wrong with you. NOTHING whatsoever.

    I believe this is where your healing lies… not in “out there”, as in, why don’t they recognize my worth? And – if I were worthy they would want to go out with me. No. Your healing lies within, in truly believing in your own worth and preciousness COME WHAT MAY.



  121.  #121Indigo on October 9, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    By the way, this has been my own journey too. Believing in my own worth and wonderfulness. There is nothing wrong with me whatsoever, and I am not a failure in any way, shape or form or on any level. I am healing this steadily all the time. I look at myself with such gentleness and compassion, and I feel how wonderful I am. I am learning all the time.

    Just last night I was talking to my mom about something I felt I’d done wrong… some mistake I made for the millionth time. And she just said, well, that’s who you are, you are learning. Remember how in maths at school you could understand a theorem first time, while other people might never understand it? Well, some people understand these things you are battling with maybe a bit easier than you, but you will get there. You will learn. And I thought, yes. I will.

    And I thought about those work situations where I have made the same mistake several times, but eventually, I did learn and got so much better. And I thought, it will be like that with relationships too. I am getting better all the time, and I will learn these things.



  122.  #122Zia on October 9, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    Linda G – I might re watch Modern Siren again 🙂 and I personally see no problem with just saying you don’t feel you’re a match 🙂



  123.  #123Lisa on October 9, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    @ Indigo {{{hugs}}} thanks so much! I know that on some level and there is still that splinter inside that has festered… that still thinks something is wrong with me… I’m working on it…

    I can’t sleep and I’m so tired… self sabotage I guess… fear rolls in… of what I don’t know… as soon as I’m almost asleep, I feel that fear jumps in… and keeps me from falling asleep…. I feel totally at the mercy of whatever it is that keeps me from sleeping or allows me to sleep ( when I get sleep)… I’m a puppet to it…

    Just venting..

    OXOXO



  124.  #124Vi on October 10, 2013 at 1:51 am

    Daria, Andrea – 🙂 🙂



  125.  #125Veronica on October 10, 2013 at 2:43 am

    (((Lisa)))



  126.  #126Syreena on October 10, 2013 at 3:36 am

    Wanted to ask a question from last thread.

    ” Any type of mothering, help advising, nuturing, is the death for romantic relationship”.

    In what way?
    I feel a bit confused by this. Can anyone help? I see most married women doing this.



  127.  #127Linda G on October 10, 2013 at 4:04 am

    Syreena,
    I just had this conversation yesterday with a girlfriend

    I find depending on the age of the man, sometimes a guy who was married for a long time is used to a nurturing wife. Not sure if it is generational.
    I think what happens though, he becomes one of the children in a sense.
    There is no romance here.
    However, Being nurturing, cooking for your husband or man, looking after him when he is sick is a way of giving back for the nurturing caring, providing and protecting he does for his wife and family.

    When a guy is young, he still has a mother and often resents, in my experience those qualities if they overbear what he provides, in a potential wife.

    I am dating an older man who has said he is inspired to be the alpha male by me, but also appreciates the nurturing aspect of a woman. I don’t feel I need to be that way in more than a giving back way. I have my own children and don’t need and cannot handle a feminine energy guy that needs mothering from me.



  128.  #128Linda G on October 10, 2013 at 4:05 am

    Also, for me, this is why marriages fizzle. It’s hard to have sex with and be passionate towards your “mother”



  129.  #129Syreena on October 10, 2013 at 5:55 am

    Thank you Linda.

    Some of that makes sense to me.

    We just seem so trained to do that.



  130.  #130sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 7:06 am

    Hi sirens
    I have been attracting strange men since I am online dating..
    men who write me a personal message and than get angry when I don’t write them back immidiatly , the next day –
    than they write me an angry message, or a message which clearly expresses that they take it personal and feel rejected.

    The first time this happened I still wrote to this man telling him that I am not online the whole day and that I feel he’s a little to impatient, he calmed down,we met and I didn’t feel attracted too him and it turned out that we bought about things very differently.

    Now another man wrote me, he seemed nice, I planned to write him back but didn’t the same day and the next day I get an angry email from him. I could feel his anger and him trying to shame me into responding to him….
    the same kind of man, 2 kids living separated, and similar looks – not my type so.

    I would have replied to him, but after I got this childish message from him being angry that I haven’t replied I felt totally not inspired
    and I decided to just ignore it, it still triggered me so…
    and I wonder what it is all abut…
    maybe not letting myself be manipulated to please angry man?

    Have some sirens out there experienced sthg similar?

    I wonder what it is telling me?



  131.  #131sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 7:17 am

    …there are no man out there to date for me anymore…
    the last minute cd didn’t contact me anymore after I replied that it doesn’t feel to meet if he’s not certain that he can make it on this day.
    The Tofast cd isn’t contacting anymore after I told him that it feels better to meet him in a cafe rather than come to his house for coffee…
    and the men who are contacting me online are all much much older than men I want to date and the ones my age seem to be just ask boring questions like hey what are you up to? and converstation is dragging…I feel frustrated



  132.  #132Daria on October 10, 2013 at 7:17 am

    Sequoia – when a man writes me an angry message like that, I immediately know to drop them.

    It’s a great screening tool. i experimented with this and invariably it would be a man that had issues.

    So even though i’ve done the angry message myself – i did for years while I was still getting the hang of the dating thing – a healthy emotional person doesn’t attack like that

    The message would be to drop them, and it’s an easy way to tell! Then time gets filled wiht healthier men



  133.  #133Daria on October 10, 2013 at 7:18 am

    Thanks for reminding me, that’s actually been one of the steps that greatly raised the quality of men in my pool



  134.  #134Daria on October 10, 2013 at 7:20 am

    sequoia – give the boring questions one a chance. Answer with feeling messages, and emoticons. and poetically on your end



  135.  #135Daria on October 10, 2013 at 7:21 am

    you can even say “i feel frustrated.. .it feels challenging to meet from online.. waht do you think?”

    when i share whats Really going on for me in the moment, it feels really vulnerable and opens up intimacy



  136.  #136sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 7:23 am

    and even so I felt not attracted to tofast CD I feel a little bit sad that he’s not contacting me any longer. I hoped that we could be friends even so I realised that we had very different interests and lifestyle. I did like him somehow. But maybe it was just the attention he gave me.



  137.  #137sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 7:31 am

    Thanks Daria, yes I guess it tells a lot about a person, if they get angry or impatient, if I don’t reply within a day or two. And its interesting to get your feedback on it. Maybe I shouldnt take it to personal. I have written some man and they havnt responded , when I see their picture online I feel a bit triggered that they havnt replied to me but I don’t feel like writing them again.

    So I’ll use it as a screening tool too – yes idea!

    And yah I don’t feel comfortable to write about whats truly going on in my life to someone i don’t know and small talk kind of sucks. With some , when they reply to what I have written in my profile it flows but with others if its I kind of feel not inspired. It feels like they are not even taking the time to read what i have written on my profile, just random chat and this sucks…

    but I guess I should just experiment with feeling messages as good as I can even so in the german languages it often sounds a bit awkward and man seem to pick up on it and mirror it back to me…which feels strange…its different in english.



  138.  #138Sophie on October 10, 2013 at 7:46 am

    Sequoia 🙂 I had the same experiences with angry or shaming men and agree with Daria – it was an immediate no from me – it was great practise for me for maintaining my own boundaries (no that does not feel good to me) and even for getting into the habit of ‘just dropping someone’. I’d always previously felt that I had to be nice and always justify myself but those kind of messages encouraged me to practice just not responding and telling myself ‘no that does not feel okay to me’. also agree with Daria if someone is behaving like that and you haven’t even met them yet or have only met them once or whatever it’s not a good sign for the future and its great that they weed themselves out so quickly

    it helped me feel more empowered knowing that I didn’t had to settle for behaviour I didn’t like – I had options … (even if I couldnt see my options I felt them)



  139.  #139Linda on October 10, 2013 at 8:00 am

    I feel so much better this morning than I did yesterday. My eyes were so swollen from crying the night before that I could hardly see all day. I was really tired and going thru the motions.

    I feel reflective and a bit meloncholy today. Yesterday I did feel fleeting pangs of sadness about how things are between FavoriteCD and I. When I broke things off with him the first of September, I felt so decisive and peaceful with being without him.The emotional affects of his tyraids had truely taken their toll on me and totally shut down my desire to be in any form of relationship with him. There were lots of things he said and did that led to my deciding to open my heart up to him again. One minute I am the most beautiful deeply appreciated, wanted gift he has had in his life… to storming away spewing hateful negative things because of my daughter and son-in-law’s guarded attitudes. Today I am questioning the authenticity of everything he said. I actually am feeling manipulated and lied to.

    I taking not responsiblity for the way things are now. We would still be together today if he had made a different choice the other day.

    My kids came for a easter dinner that I had this year and met him..(it was a huge step forward and I was so excited it happened)… but afterward he was unhappy with their behavior and said that they snubbed him! . He has even refused to accept a dinner invitation extended to us in June because he was still mad about it. I let it go….and did not push for another time to get together with them.

    So what does not make sense to me is if someone wants to be included… why would they ever refuse an opportunity ? Why would they mandate how it is and is done?. When I mentioned that to him he indignately replied “Oh PLEASE…. there was not a definate time set”… but there really was and has chosen not to remember that detail.

    When I look at him as an outsider… he has broken relationships everywhere..3 failed marriages… two of 4 children that have nothing to do with him, two siblings that he does not talk to. His relationship with his Mother is very strained… and many (according to him) women he has dated that did not “work out” . As an insider have learned details about each thing and can give the benefit of understanding but there is a large trail of liter.

    I am looking for a relationship here. Not a counselling opportunity. Or a man to fix. I stopped suggesting, leading, teaching men when I assumed the girl role in my life with men. RIght now I feel at a mexican standoff with his ego. I will not feed it or play into it.



  140.  #140sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 8:01 am

    Thank you Sophie
    It feels good to hear how you felt about it and to receive confirmation about my own feelings on that issue.

    Yes I kind of feel empowered too , but it also triggered my anger…
    I am realising that I still have a lot of anger towards men…frustration, annoyance, etc…

    I also feel annoyed that so much older man contact me even so I have written the age I prefer into my profile.
    If the message feels good I might reply to them but most I just delete. I used to feel bad but don’t anymore…some man also don’t reply to me, that’s just the online dating ‘game’.



  141.  #141Dominique on October 10, 2013 at 8:04 am

    Lisa – 108 – I love what you’re uncovering for and discovering about yourself. YAY you!!!

    xxoo



  142.  #142Veronica on October 10, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Not leaning forward with the CultureCD and the dating site men is helping me with my urges to lean forward with BM. The urges are just not that strong. I feel repulsed and turned off when it seems like that’s the only way that things will move. And now I believe I can just let it sit in the air, nothing can happen, but more importantly I can sense that I have options.

    The one thing I hadn’t anticipated was that by leaning back and responding to what I was given (and also appreciating their efforts), I could also see how consistent they were. Most of the sweet, kind men were really good with that i.e. being consistent. I really like that, it’s not an absolute must but enough consistent contact is good – it feels hopeful that something can be built,

    I can also feel (yes feel) how I can lead the energy exchange at times – it’s almost as if there is a readiness on their part – I don’t mean that they’ll do whatever I do, but rather I just sense that readiness in them. It seems like a different kind of ‘listening’. I wish I was more articulate with this, my wording seems clumsy: (



  143.  #143Dominique on October 10, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Andrea – 111 – This may sound scary, but how about being honest with him. Tell him you feel good in his company (if you do), that you love how he treats you, yet you feel turned off.

    If he asks why, tell him – without using the word “you”.

    For example, bad odors turn me.

    xxoo



  144.  #144Dominique on October 10, 2013 at 8:11 am

    Linda G – 116 – You can simply tell him that this doesn’t feel right, that you don’t think you are a good match, and wish him well.

    xxoo



  145.  #145sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 8:15 am

    ha I discovered a contact filter on the online dating site, so only man with picture and my prefered age can contact me now. 😉



  146.  #146sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 8:28 am

    143 – Veronika
    I too feel my urges to lean forward and contact. I have the urge to initiate contact with men I find attractive at the online dating site. It am seeing so that it doesn’t feel good for me…I feel like chasing them and I have learned to stop it. If a man doesn’t reply to what I have written I am not going to write him anymore. If a man want to meet and doesn’t follow up I do not contact him. Its easy with the ones i don’t like, but I am also managing with the ones I liked – I just think to myself – it might not be the right time , or he ‘s not for me. I don’t need run after the man who is for me.

    If I had a date and the man doesn’t contact – text, call – me anymore, i am not contacting him…and it all feels good.

    A lot of feelings come up. esp. reg. my ex.
    i still feel sad that he doesn’t miss me, eg. contacts me…and I have been thinking about contacting him…but than I know that i would feel horrible, it wouldn’t do any good at all..I’ll keep reminding myself.

    I also feel that I am not in the right place yet for a relationship…I still need to get back to myself.
    I m still learning so much about boundaries, trusting my feelings and allowing myself to feel my feelings, not letting people run over me.



  147.  #147Linda on October 10, 2013 at 8:33 am

    Actually , I felt really frustrated with his control issues alot. It shows up everywhere. In hanging halloween lights with his daughter last week end he said “you 2 go for it, hang them where you want have fun” … then saying.. not there.. dont do that etc etc.

    I have a background in floral design and he gave me a wreath he said he would like re decorated for fall to hang on his front door.. said “you do whatever you want you are so good at that kind of stuff” …. so as I was looking around at different things at the store. As he was hovering.. he said ” can I show you what I like… that looks like martha stewart lives here.. yuck! ”

    I just put the stuff down and walked away. I decided to tell him that I felt it would be best for him to pick up a new wreath of his choosing. No control struggle here.

    Control issues keep popping up with here in everything!



  148.  #148Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 9:24 am

    @AprilRose are you still on this blog? I have a question about astrology?

    I got this report from Carol Allen ( I got a special e-mail thingy) and now i’m so depressed I want to die… I have to wait 12 years to get married? I missed out on my great years to find a man… that sucks so bad I can’t even begin to express…

    I’m hoping i’m misunderstanding it…. now I’m feeling crappy! beyond crappy! feeling horrible!

    @ Dominique Awww! Thanks for noticing, I feel happy that you care! <3

    OXOXO



  149.  #149sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 9:40 am

    Lisa 148 – please do not believe this with your whole heart !
    The human soul is so powerful – and astrology can predict possible potentials but nothing at all is set in stone!!!



  150.  #150sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 9:43 am

    …let your grief be there, it might be healing your heart.



  151.  #151Linda G on October 10, 2013 at 10:04 am

    Something else I found empowering when online dating, blocking members who were rude or out of line



  152.  #152Linda G on October 10, 2013 at 10:06 am

    When it comes to things like astrology, Rori says if a belief is not serving you, making you feel badly about yourself, drop it, don’t go there



  153.  #153Veronica on October 10, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Sequoia -146 – Hi : )

    Oh gosh yes the men that are attractive – I know what you mean. I know now that if I initiate contact with them that it’ll backfire so badly. So now I associate that with pain. But I haven’t had experience on the dating site with a man I found attractive or liked. That will be a real test for me. I think what you said here: “I am also managing with the ones I liked – I just think to myself – it might not be the right time , or he ‘s not for me. I don’t need run after the man who is for me.” is so strong. I want to remember that because I believe that is my weakness.

    “A lot of feelings come up. esp. reg. my ex.
    i still feel sad that he doesn’t miss me, eg. contacts me…and I have been thinking about contacting him…but than I know that i would feel horrible, it wouldn’t do any good at all..I’ll keep reminding myself.
    I also feel that I am not in the right place yet for a relationship…I still need to get back to myself.
    I m still learning so much about boundaries, trusting my feelings and allowing myself to feel my feelings, not letting people run over me.”
    I’m exactly in the same situation as you said above, exactly. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m learning from you.



  154.  #154sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Veronica
    it feels so good to have this space here where I can express all this. I have gone through many changes and have not many friends I can talk to about these things and I feel so glad this space is here.
    I am learning a lot here too, and I feel inspired whenever I come to this blog.



  155.  #155Indigo on October 10, 2013 at 11:36 am

    sequoia

    ““A lot of feelings come up. esp. reg. my ex.
    i still feel sad that he doesn’t miss me, eg. contacts me…”

    Be careful of this. Just because he is not contacting you does not mean *at all* that he doesn’t miss you or care. Remember guys handle these situations very differently.

    Natalie from Baggage Reclaim says that sometimes someone you’ve broken up with will not contact you because they care enough to give you your space, because they know that it is best.



  156.  #156Indigo on October 10, 2013 at 11:41 am

    Just writing the above triggered me because I realize I’ve got to care about D enough to give him his space. I’ve got to love him enough, respect him enough and consider him enough to give him what he’s asked, and to accept his “no”.

    This has been hard for me, but I feel like I had a breakthrough with it today. I feel that this will heal and get better with time.



  157.  #157Dominique on October 10, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    This may help Sequoia and Indigo.

    http://sexandheart.com/your-uncommunicative-man

    xxoo



  158.  #158Andrea on October 10, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    Darn. There is so much here. I need to take some time tonight and catch up with everything! And thank and appreciate those who commented to me.

    But, something just happened! Please tell me I did the right thing. This is in regards to a friend of mine… yes a man… he pops up in my social circle all the time as “one of the gang”… you know.. that solid friend that would never turn into anything else.

    Okay, so I am cleaning out all my windows after the summer air conditioning got taken down and there are all these spiders. I live right by a lake so that’s normal but it creeps me out. I noticed he was online in facebook chat so I mentioned that if he would come over and kill spiders for me, I would make him some lunch.

    He came over… QUICK!! he killed all the spiders and wiped all the cobwebs out of the windows and windexed them and absolutely was my hero. I have never been alone with him and it was strange at first but we settled into a cool friendly banter as he was killing spiders and I was making lunch.

    Then after our lunch, he tells me that he wants to try this new massage technique on me. (I’m a massage therapist so he told me he wanted me to critique him.)

    I let him massage my back… that leads to him guiding my to the couch and massaging my buttocks (fully clothed) then turned me around and massaged my belly and lifted my bra and massaged my breasts, which led to his lips on my tits… and oh… my…

    Then he whispered to me that he’d always been sexually attracted me and had heard that I was amazing in bed.

    We kissed. And had more clothed sexual contact.

    But then he had to go to his job. This was all news to me. I did not even know that I was in his radar. And he certainly has not been in mine. Other than friends from the same crowd.

    Okay, so he says, “Will you call me?”

    I said… huh? I don’t call men.

    He says, “We are just friends. I just want a casual physical thing. I’m not… “men”…

    I said, honestly!! I know we are just friends. I don’t want a casual physical thing. I want marriage and commitment and love. I want the whole shi-bang! And I don’t call men.

    He just walked out my door. Maybe he’s a little perplexed. But maybe not. I wonder if he thought that cause I invited over to my house, that sex was just going to happen. I really DID want him to kill spiders.

    My question: I never even considered him a mate. We definitely have a physical chemistry (which I never even knew was there) But I really DO want a partnership, a marriage, a love.

    My gut is telling me that he will initiate contact with me at some point in the future. So… I should just leave it at that right?? I feel like there really is nothing for me to do at this point but count this one afternoon that was surprisingly steamy hot… but that means nothing… right????



  159.  #159Linda G on October 10, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    Andrea, what a hot afternoon you’ve had!

    Really, I know I am a stranger and not a coach, but I will offer my take, please don’t feel intruded upon by me:

    You had a great time, he is looking for exctly what he says, casual physical FWB.
    If you can handle that/ want that ith him and no more, call him whenever you like.
    I have found it’s a mistake to think we can turn him into a lifelong partner by having sex with him, no matter who does the calling.

    Your gut is right, walk away and sparkle
    Rori always says, the first one is a freebie



  160.  #160Mercedes on October 10, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Andrea: I think you handled it perfectly.

    “Then he whispered to me that he’d always been sexually attracted me and had heard that I was amazing in bed.”

    This is really kind of insulting if you ask me. A guy who says things like this and who has clearly talked to another man about you in bed isn’t typically going to be respectful to you or offer you much (if anything) in the future. In my opinion, the man is telling you “I want to use you for sex and somehow I think you’ll agree to that.” He’s not placing a very high value on you as a woman or your gifts as a person – I probably wouldn’t consider friendship anymore either but that’s just me. In any case, I believe that stating what you want and what you don’t want and holding to that was fabulous!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  161.  #161Sophie on October 10, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Andrea!!!! OMG I was gobbling up your words as my mouth opened further and further ha ha ha how exciting and surprising!

    I definitely wouldnt contact him though…it will be interesting to see what he does next especially after you were so clear with him about what you are looking for

    I agree with Linda G too – I never doubt their word and always keep it in the forefront of my mind… unless for some reason there becomes valid reason too



  162.  #162Linda on October 10, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    I just lifted the lid of my feeling jar. What a churning lump of bubbling stuff. I also feel EXTREMELY angry right now. I dont like being lied to manipulated or deceived. Just when I felt like things for were coming together for me with him he pulls this stuff. I do feel like I am dealing with a Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde. Just when communication was flowing and I felt happy and trusting his words and actions… I feel so angry I wish I could slap FavoriteCD in the face!!! Yes I admit it.
    THere that feels real now.



  163.  #163Liquid Light on October 10, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Yeah Mercedes 160 that line about being amazing in bed was a turnoff to me too. Agree with everything you said. It doesn’t sound respectful.



  164.  #164Sophie on October 10, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Ah Mercedes – yes yes now I agree with you too



  165.  #165Dominique on October 10, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Andrea – 158 – yes you do nothing. let him initiate contact if he will, and you get to choose every step of the way what you want and what you don’t want.

    xxoo



  166.  #166Liquid Light on October 10, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    IN the future if a CD wants to friend me on FB, I will not say “I don’t friend people that I am dating” which is what I said to one CD recently. It turned him off. Lesson learned.



  167.  #167sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    Dominique thanks for the link. I have heard this before that man can only do one thing at a time but i have to say that I don’t feel its the truth.

    Fact is that I have seen my ex texting an apparently old women friend while he was driving, that is while we were waiting at a red treaffic light, while he was ‘talkin’ with me. I felt so shocked, I got angry.

    Instead I should have just been very calm, asked him to drive me home, not been available for a while and than when he ask if sthg is up I might have told him that I don’t feel good knowing that he is still in contact with other women and that I need space to think about our connection. This might both give us time to feel into what we want, for him to explore his connections with these other women and for me to feel into what I want. Than I should have not been available for a while.

    But because I was emotionally so dependant on him, we had a fight in the car and than he just behaved like nothing ever happened and i somehow pretended everything was fine, even so I felt disrespected and hurt…this was already when things were falling apart.

    So I can not agree with the theory that man can only do one thing at a time…its not true! at least not in my world.



  168.  #168sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    …I have to add that this man was also in contact with his ex, apparently only friendly, even so I expressed that this doesn’t feel good to me. He complelty disregarded my feelings…I talked to much about these things with him, and they were serious…
    instead of talking I should have drawn my boundaries, but I was to afraid of loosing him…
    I lost him anyway because I allowed him to walk all over me with hi crappy behaviour!!!



  169.  #169sequoia on October 10, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    liquid light
    I don’t like to befriend my dates on fb either…
    it’s a tricky thing fb that is
    I guess it should happen naturally when things are getting more serious…
    also it can reveal some ugly truth…
    eg. my ex had major issues with adding me as a friend,
    and it created a mess,
    I started distrusting him, I felt he was hiding things from me, but he was deceiving me and himself reg. his ex, so I guess I felt that and it spirald into some drama…
    Fb can mess things up…



  170.  #170Liquid Light on October 10, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    yeah sequioa 169 I agree, things can get messy on FB so I just don’t do it. But the way I handled it with him didn’t go over so well. I guess he was taken aback by my saying that we were dating. I wasn’t sure what to say when I turned his offer to be FB friends down but that wasn’t it, obviously!



  171.  #171Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    @Sequioa Thanks! I needed that b/c reading Carol Allen’s stuff is making me sick at my stomach!!! … and depressed and hopeless!!… she is saying that an apple can’t bare fruit until it’s season…and you can’t have a relationship until it’s time… and age 62 for me???… OMG that sucks so bad that I can’t even breathe thinking it…… sorry but I’ve waited so long already.. 12 years more… that is so depressing… I’d take up drinking alcohol ( and I don’t drink or do drugs)……

    I’m crying to much right now it hurts… so deeply…

    OXOXO



  172.  #172Cris on October 10, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    Lisa, I have your age, I feel very close to you… xoxoxo



  173.  #173Daria on October 10, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    sequoia – hehe it didn’t feel different in english for me with feeling messages. it felt EXTREMELY awkward. at times it still does. I speak 2 or 3 languages and it feels awkward in all. men did mirror me (happens less now) and at first would even point it out or ‘correct’ me “we don’t use Feel in this context” lol lol cringe!… ahh it felt uncomfortable and embarassing when that happened!! eek… once my own anxiety around it was lessened, (through practice) all those kind of response fade away. the power of it (attracting men) was worth it to me.

    i liken it to a magic power, like knowing if I consistently ‘mis’pronounce something, people will be Hypnotically drawn to me. even if they notice the ‘mis’pronuncing, it still works! is it worth the embarassment of them Thinking i’m ‘mis’pronouncing, and Noticing me… if I know they will be hypnotically attracted to me? to me it is hehe 🙂

    and yes, talking about real life things with people i dont know feels uncomfortable – that’s vulnerability! – its a surefire way to open myself up … big ripple effects to my vibe connecting with old men and new ones. Plus it starts to feel like there’s safety and love for me in the world, and that there’s possibility to connect with most anyone

    reminds me of another Rori advice I heard about, to imagine yourself naked in front of people … eeehhh

    I feel impressed that you’ve so quickly decided to screen the guys on the attacky messages… I really took so many falls actually ‘giving them another chance’ etc…

    also so many times I attacked men similarly, if they stood me up or were wishy washy eeek… it took YEARS of practice for me to stop doing that, and just Be with my feelings of rage without leaning forward to blame…



  174.  #174Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    @Cris Thanks! {{[ hugs }}} back…



  175.  #175Femininewoman on October 10, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Mercedes I so agree with what you said to Andrea. Andrea some men believe it is okay to have with friends. I also dislike kissing and telling. It is a turnoff for me reading a suggestion that you were thE topic of discussion. I feel dirty thinking of him touching you.



  176.  #176Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    I took a walk this evening with my daughter, good thing I have my two girls God knows where I’d be now, if not for them…

    I read Barry Price’s story about his mother and her struggle to find love and she never did and she died… it breaks my heart to hear him talk about how hard it was to watch he want something so badly, and try and try and it never come her way, and for him to watch her get her heart broken time and time again…

    I not only want this for me, I want it for my girls… b/c when I read his story, I realize how it impacts them that I can’t find true love… it saddens me… very much…

    My oldest has watched it for 22 years… she wants it for me… I cry… I know she does… I can’t just make it happen…

    While walking and playing tonight.. like a kid ( I love being silly with her my 9 yr old) I thought to myself… I was born 50 years ago… and what if,they didn’t really write down the right time on my birth chart… they might not really take it seriously to them, it was no big deal.. I don’t even know for a fact that my youngest time was actually accurate either they were so caught up in the birth, I think they guessed at it…

    so, then how can it be so accurate supposedly… when in fact it might not even be the correct time….

    I don’t want to discredit Carol, I’ve heard her speak. Too bad she isn’t doing private clients anymore… but what I can say is… that chart today, was very depressing in a huge huge way… b/c according to it, I had 2 mos last summer may- july to find the one and get married, or wait until I’m 62… so I think maybe, I’ll just have to re-write the script… cuz that is way too long for me… and though it might very well happen that way… I don’t want to be depressed b/c I believe it will be that way…

    Just saying

    OXOXO



  177.  #177Linda on October 10, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    I feel so thankful to my daughter and her husband. He gave me a this new to me computer last night! A macbook pro. In the midst of the stuff going on in my life that feels so terrible right now… this happened. I am amazed and humbled. I could have never! got a computer like this . wow



  178.  #178Zia on October 10, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Lisa 148 – is that the cycles of saturn report?



  179.  #179Linda on October 10, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    I was outside painting the trim on my house tonight and remembering how on top of the world I felt at the beginning of this year. I had claimed it as “My” year. The ring I bought said love life!

    Today I sat outside on my lunch break. The sun on my back felt like a warm blanket as I watched ducks float on a close by pond. There was so much stress and tension stored in my body I could feel it start to loosen in the sunlight.

    In checking in with myself and sinking deep down, my heart feels on pause and buried under stuff and things that have happend with FavoriteCD.

    I realized that what we focus on grows. I am going to focus on the good healing things that were brought into my life this year. As a woman.. I felt desired and appreciated. I never felt not enough. Something that I was told all the time in my recent past that I was .

    Good things have happened to me this year.



  180.  #180Femininewoman on October 10, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    Andrea remember the saying “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”? Some men know that there are women who believe that. So I can see clearly how a man can associate a woman offering him food can suggest sex to him and I admit that I believe that there are men out there who will just lie back and take whatever is being offered.



  181.  #181Femininewoman on October 10, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Ahhh Linda. I feel like reaching through the screen and giving you a big comforting hug. My heart aches when I read your story



  182.  #182Linda on October 10, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    FW… I consider myself hugged! Thank you!

    Tears…



  183.  #183Dominique on October 10, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    Sequoia – 167 – A man who can do this as you described is a rare man indeed. Most cannot. Plus what was he doing texting while driving? So dangerous and so triggering for me.

    Regardless, any man who is having contact with other women while with you is not someone I would want for you unless it’s his mother.

    xxoo



  184.  #184Dominique on October 10, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Lisa – 176 – Absolutely rewrite your script. NOTHING is set in stone.

    xxoo



  185.  #185Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    @Zia #148 yes it is the cycles of Saturn report…

    oxoxo



  186.  #186Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    @ Linda another {{hug}}}} coming your way… <3

    I had to go get a Kava tonight ( it makes happy thoughts) … this pain is intense… it has really thrown me off my horse.. I was doing so well, making some money, got a car, feeling good about myself, my adrenals are feeling better, I'm not feeling so driven… and BAM I get this report and I can't seem to get it off my mind… What if "that is my time' and nothing I can do about it…?? I feel so powerless…

    @Dominique I'd love to re-write the script… and yet, I don't have power over when he comes or doesn't… when my time is or not…

    I want to – correction I feel like having a heck of a tantrum… I'm angry b/c he hasn't come yet… I'm angry I have to keep waiting on him….. I'm angry after all I've been through in my life, that this is where I'm at…

    I feel sad b/c after all the constant work I do on myself ….. it isn't and hasn't gotten me anywhere in love… there people out there that haven't worked on themselves at ALL and have love, marriage, happiness…. I'm pissed…

    Part of me just wants to call up a guy I know is interested in me and say Hey Lets go out… want to?

    OXOXO



  187.  #187Andrea on October 10, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    alright… man… something is in the air…

    this man did contact me tonight by texting..
    no answer from me…
    he called, and asked me to come down to the bar where he’s playing a jam session and listen to him play. he told me about his day at work, then wondered if I wasn’t going to come out tonight could he come see me tomorrow during the day.

    i’m kind of wowed by this. but also needing to step back because the memory of his soft lips and his hard 8888 throbbing through his jeans this afternoon are giving my palpitations.

    wow. so I guess i’m more than a little bit turned on. but I need to feel my way through this and figure out what I really want.

    i know i can have all the sex and fun and financial help that i need. but…. will i ever have love… a true partner…

    i would be typing question marks right now, but my shift key isn’t working. lol

    this dilemma is sooo much better than my supposed problem the other night. my ugly guy cd wants to take me to a hockey game next Friday but luckily my sister is coming to town. i told him that she’s coming to town and instead of that making him find someone else to take.. he just got an extra ticket so she can come with us.
    she will understand where i’m coming from with him and she will be able to communicate to him the things that i can’t. and she’ll do it like he’s our brother. i think it is a good thing….



  188.  #188Zia on October 10, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    Lisa – I’m currently going through Katherine Woodward Thomas’ “Calling in the One” workbook. Perhaps its something you might enjoy working through? I’m really enjoying it, and it also gives me a sense of purpose in that I have complete control over who and what I attract.

    I also got that Cycles of Saturn report and didn’t find it matched, especially with the years prior to now. I actually found that I was more inline with the western astrology “Saturn Return”. Because the years Carol’s report said were meant to be the best were the most challenging for me, and right inline with when my “Saturn Return” was meant to be (and is now over, thank goodness!). And it said that now is meant to be more challenging, yet it’s the most freeing and wonderful and fantastic years of my life!



  189.  #189Zia on October 10, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    Andrea, it sounds like he heard what you communicated, why not go along and just see how you feel xx



  190.  #190Zia on October 10, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    My insecurities arise from unmet expectations. I am currently in the process of consciously letting go of expectations, projections, fear of rejection, and judgements. I seem to be consciously letting go constantly throughout the day, but it feels good to recognize when they arise.



  191.  #191Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    There is a new thread… up, I just read it..

    I started to write my feelings down to do the work, and then I felt the anger come up… and up.. and then I shouted ” I’m angry that God made me wait so long for a man”.. then I shouted louder that I’ve worked so hard, and I have to wait longer.. and I’m angry…

    Just as I did that, and the sobbing started pouring out… it felt good… the call came in to Do the Work from the lady, it couldn’t have been more perfect the timing of it all… and then I said in my snotty and crying voice I think I need to do the work on God… and I did…and the pour out came and came and I had some amazing realizations… but the turn around was so amazing.. I made me wait so long for a man…

    I realized that without the thought, I’m soft, vulnerable and open ( not that I’m not these things at times) but I realized that, this thought causes me anger, and I’m closed off…

    and without the thought, I’m more real with men, more silly, fun and open, vulnerable and not looking for “the one”… and that ( b/c of this thought) I might be attracting men that are looking for closed off women… TADA! Hence the closed off men I’ve been attracting!!!

    I feel so free right now! I feel so renewed and loved and open and ready… I realized that if I was God and I could “not make Lisa wait”… what would I do… and my answers were so clear to the facilitator…

    I’d change the timing of it
    I’d be determined
    I’d send Lisa the best suited man for her

    Which I’m not doing, I could be dating more, speed dating, joining singles groups, telling my friends to send men my way… I just had a male friend offer to be my matchmaker…

    So this is how I change the script. by getting my butt out there and act like I’m buying a car and want the best car for the most return…

    and by the way the car I have isn’t NEW but it is amazing!!! I couldn’t be happier. I looked for literately 15 mins on the internet, found it, knew it was the one.. and was approved in 15 mins…. ( I didn’t have to prove income) I decided to get it it b/c it is a great car, good value, low emissions vehicle, and had one owner, and was mechanically sound… BUT here is the kicker, when I got it, I was so surprised at all the amazing options it has that I didn’t even pay attention to b/c I was focused on getting the best car for me financially and mechanically and safe… and yet, I couldn’t be more happy with all the little options and surprises it has with it… I’m so happy with my car… Buying IT was a such lesson for me with men!!!.. get what feels right, is sound, sane, reliable, authentic and then the little amazing surprises will come… and I will be so happy with it…

    @ Dominique… I’m working on it… its happening… what do you think?

    OXOXOX



  192.  #192Tereana on October 10, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    I am officially a huge sucker for men with brown skin and an Indian accent. It’s terrible.

    And today I met one who looked a lot like the random Indian guy I dreamed about a few nights ago. But he has a girlfriend. Argh. And without even meeting her, I am jealous. JEALOUS. Why? Because he met her at the same party that I go to regularly. Because I meet and date Indian men, left and right, and none of them are my boyfriend. Or even close. I’m lucky if I get a hook-up, and that’s – probably me.

    Honestly. If I go in there, thinking I might meet someone, I’m thinking that I might hook up with them. Nothing more. And I guess that’s why I’m jealous. I don’t receive more, because I’m not asking for more. I’m not expecting more, in my heart. But I WANT more.

    And that’s probably dishonest. On some level. To truly and deeply want more, yet to fervently and unequivocally expect that no one will ever give me more than the bare minimum. And to feel lucky with that. Even though I am never, ever satisfied….



  193.  #193Lisa on October 10, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    @Zia sounds good! <3 Letting go… Go girl! {{hugs}}



  194.  #194Veronica on October 10, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Sequoia – 154 – I’m glad that you find it inspiring to be here. I don’t feel I could cope the past 6-8months without this blog. It’s a safe place for when all these changes are happening. Hugs to you!



  195.  #195Veronica on October 10, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    A guy I used to go to school with and with whom I’d been chatting to every once in a while made good on his offer of meeting up the next time he came to the country: ) Yay.

    And I’m going to a Turkish festival that one of the dating site men invited me to since he’s part of the organizing team.

    CultureCD wanted to meet up this weekend. But I followed my feelings and said I was available next week. I’ll see how that goes.

    One of the dating site men wants to meet up.

    So far I’m feeling okay with this after my antsy feelings a couple of days ago. I want to practice my feeling messages and listening – I can feel that need in me now that I’m not too worried about contact.



  196.  #196Millie on October 10, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    ARGH I feel so upset with myself and so upset in general!!! I feel like every guy is a test and I fail every one!!!! So here’s what happened:

    I met this guy and we fooled around the same night (no sex), the next day he says “great to connect with you, call me if you want to have some fun” I told him out of the gate I don’t want a hookup or FWB, but I was hoping he’d ask me on a date. He did! and it was great! then he didn’t call for a month. I heard from a friend that he didn’t think I was interested and was waiting to see if I called him. At first I was like NO WAY and held my ground, but then I got curious and text him. He asked me out again! But I said I’m not sure and was surprised I hadn’t heard from him after our last date. I asked if there was something I missed? (Cuz it was a f*in amazing date, how could he not call!!) He called then and said he’s just getting out of a relationship and connecting with me was overwhelming for him. He asked me out again though. At first I said maybe, but ended up deciding to give it a chance. We had another GREAT date. He asked me to come back to his house with him, I said no and he asked why. I told him I’d had enough to drink, it was late, yada yada and that (since we had already fooled around) it would go there and I didn’t feel ready, that I don’t want FWB. He said–Well, if I was in a different place….Anyway–the date ended well. I thought after that maybe I could be with him at his house and keep my boundaries of no sex. So next time I saw him we spent time there and fooled around of course, but I felt myself clamming up big time! I like the guy though and he makes me feel good, but really wasn’t pursuing me. So I feel angry at myself for getting wrapped up over a guy that wasnt “cutting the mustard.” We had plans after that which he cancelled and he also cancelled coming to my bday party. I didn’t get upset at either, but I suggested going hiking again soon. He never answered, which made me feel upset at myself! WHY am I even bothering?!!!! Ah I could strangle myself sometimes…… then to make it worse I sent a flirty text and got a winky face back. I felt awful……so I told him I felt a sting of rejection and that I feel better being honest, that it’s been great getting to know him and all….he said basically the same back but repeated he is in a different place. I said I understood and some other stupid stuff I probably shouldn’t have said….

    I feel upset with myself for saying anything at all!!! This guy didn’t cut the mustard from day 1 and here I am still opening up and giving him a chance he doesn’t deserve!!! What is wrong with me!!!!
    I felt like I put expectations on him and that’s why he was stepping back….but it’s not my fault. I feel like my problem is I am too hopeful too soon….and maybe guys feel that I want something, which I do….I don’t want stupid FWB and I’m not afraid to say so if the suggest it!!! If they don’t go there, then I don’t need to acknowledge that boundary. Anyway, I feel angry that I gave this guy the time of day and let him make me feel like I did something wrong!!!! I probably did….but the wrong thing was way back when he didn’t call and I didn’t let it be…….I feel like I keep getting the same results…I try to change! but maybe I’m not changing fast enough!!! SO frustrated right now…I want this to stop. I want to stop feeling rejected and unwanted. I’m such a catch, these guys should be crawling to be with me and here I am spoon feeding them…..I can’t believe myself. NO MORE, clean slate….I say that every time and yet I keep “chasing.” WHY WHY WHY WHY
    I don’t need to…..

    On the other hand I’ve told this other guy NO I’m not interested like 4 times and he keeps calling and texting trying to get me to have drinks with him….Maybe I need to say no from the get go to have a guy actually put some effort……

    ARGH



  197.  #197Cris on October 10, 2013 at 11:56 pm

    @Linda, that’s the attitude..
    congratulations!



  198.  #198Millie on October 11, 2013 at 2:19 am

    I decided to take a break from men and dating…
    I’ve cleared my slate…
    I feel like dating brings up more opportunity for me to feel bad and criticize myself….and I feel bad when a guy I like doesn’t seem interested….
    It’s really hard to change what is inside of me…every time I meet a new guy and he stops calling it brings up all the insecurity I feel and I get the urge to push him away…even though he is already away.

    I need a break. I wish I didn’t feel measured. I wish I didn’t feel crazy…I wish I didn’t vocalize myself so much. Men’s attention can lift you up, but then I get dropped on my butt again….it’s my fault. I’m sad.



  199.  #199Cris on October 11, 2013 at 2:46 am

    @Millie, if CDing is bringing you just the opposite that it should be, your decision is correct. Who knows what this new interval of time will bring!! All new steps i life are amazing! my best wishes



  200.  #200Dominique on October 11, 2013 at 5:28 am

    Lisa – 191 – I love it. 🙂

    xxoo



  201.  #201Lemonbutter on October 11, 2013 at 7:44 am

    Dominique #92 your relationship sounds wonderful, and certainly what I want for myself.

    I have high hopes that eventually I will find it…whenever that will be. My heart continues to stay open to whatever the universe brings my way 😀



  202.  #202Indigo on October 11, 2013 at 9:52 am

    (((Millie)))

    I have made mistakes in my life what feels like a billion times before I have learnt.

    It is ok.

    You WILL get there. You WILL learn. And you don’t need to strangle yourself in the meantime. You are just being you and you are learning.



  203.  #203Dominique on October 11, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Lemonbutter – 🙂 I want this for you too.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  204.  #204Lemonbutter on October 11, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    Thank you Dominique, I appreciate that, I really do.

    xxx



  205.  #205Millie on October 12, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Thank you Indigo and Cris! It seems I have good days and bad….just need to keep my chin up on the bad days..