Is He Emotionally Competent?

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I came across this “term” in an articleIMG_1017 and wanted to jump off of it:

“Emotional competency” is defined as: an individual’s ability to handle certain events and stresses on an emotional level.

So – what the heck does THAT mean?

Who gets to decide exactly HOW anyone “should” handle events and stresses?

And yet – this is a real “term.”

Our “Emotional Competency” may dictate how we react in a crisis or when we are feeling stressed out.

So – let’s call it something else – something that has nothing to do with “competency” or “maturity.”

Let’s call it “Emotional Habit Pattern.”

In other words, when I experience something, when something happens out there, when I feel triggered – I “react” in exactly the same way I always do, and then my thoughts and feelings tumble out and around in the same order as always.

So – what would YOU consider being “Emotionally Competent” in terms of a man?

Let’s make up our OWN definition!

What quality would you like in a man that would make you feel “matched” in “sensitivity,” “maturity,” “Emotional Competency” – all terms that are thrown around so much but mean different things to each of us?

How about “self-awareness”?

I like that in myself, I like that in my man.

To me, it simply means he knows when he’s angry, when he’s said something angry, when he’s been abrupt, when he’s been so “all about him” that he forgot I’m a person, too.

It means that when I do or say something that triggers him – he can acknowledge that he was triggered. He can hear me.

Doesn’t have to be “right then” – it can be later, or the next day…but he sooner or later is open to a conversation that will take us both deeper into whatever happened between us.

What does “Emotional Competency” mean to YOU?

Love, Rori





  1.  #1Femininewoman on July 15, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    “Who gets to decide exactly HOW anyone “should” handle events and stresses?”

    Yea who does

  2.  #2Femi on July 15, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    Consciousness of his feelings even if he can’t find the right words but knowing he is feeling something to either stop himself before letting it fly or being able to catch himself in the midst of it and change his direction

  3.  #3Mandy on July 17, 2016 at 12:29 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    Just a post to let you know I’m ok….

    I have been through the wringer emotionally though!

  4.  #4Mandy on July 17, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    PS –

    Still seeing Dancing Wolf, still casually hanging out and being intimate, I like it. I can’t do a relationship right now because honestly I’m not mentally in the right place, I need to balance myself. But still allowing him to see me and letting him touch me and everything and I like it a lot. This is going to sound backwards, but he INSISTS a woman is straight-forward with him, with calling, texting, and coming by and making moves. He insists I do it, and I actually love it. Maybe I just need an outlet to get all the move-making out of the way that I might want to do, I dunno. I don’t see him as someone I could marry so it works out how it works out, we help meet each other’s needs while not needing to commit at the moment, and so it is okay with me. Emotional Competency here is how he can tell me exactly whats going on with him and not hide it or sugar-coat it.

    J is in the picture as my bestie, my pal, my Biffle, my spiritually connected person, my cuddle-buddy.

    Valentine is checking in on me when I don’t speak to him for long periods, how about that? I’m keeping it going to see what happens. He’s been looking at pictures of us together he said. Apparently I come up in his thoughts.

    So these men are keeping me sane. They are helping me and keeping me safe and validating my feelings and just basically being my guardian angels, I feel.

    I wonder, It feels really good. REALLY good. I wonder if I could just even live my life like this with a bunch of guy friends, one spiritual, one to see what happens with doing and fixing and one to still practice the art of femininity. Another also to tell feelings to and another yet to do so with as well, and another….I have about seven guy friends and they are all just angels to me.

    I really do feel like they are my guardian angels. I really really really LOVE my guy friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5.  #5MissStix on July 17, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    I can’t add anything to this at the moment…What you said about self awareness in a man is exactly what I like and what turns me on to a relationship with him.

  6.  #6Lovergirl on July 17, 2016 at 10:40 pm

    Right now I’m so focused on work things I can barely think about men. I guess I’m all in my masculine energy. It’s hard to pull out of it for very long.

    I’m currently the boss at work. I should be offered a salary and bonus within a week. For the time being they have given me a raise that was retroactive to the beginning of the month and are training me for the job. I can hire and fire people, both exciting and scary, lol. There is someone I am going to have to fire already.

    I’m dealing with lots of corporate people but so far they are impressed with me, really impressed. I’m kind of overwhelmed, but also feeling competent. I can do this, I can actually do it. I’m getting a lot of things done that my previous boss was not keeping up with.

    There was kind of a big ordeal with my boss that quit. I felt betrayed because he lied to me about leaving because of his being sick. He was instantly managing another company in the same business, a competitor, and tried to pull several employees from here out from under me.

    It was a bad move, because its illegal, he signed a no-compete contract and will probably be sued. In the meantime though, I was having to deal with high emotions from a lot of people that he was offering supposedly better pay and benefits to if they would follow him to the new company. So far I only know of one person that actually left but many were considering it because of his lofty promises.

    It was exhausting, dealing with all the complaints about every little thing here that I haven’t had control over and were mostly the previous bosses’ fault. Ugh. Our office manager described it as being similar to battered wife syndrome. Why would they want to go with the same person that was the cause of all their issues? He wasn’t keeping up to task and was actually on the verge of being fired if he didn’t get it together.

    I was having to do a lot of the work for him, which is why I’m in the position I am now, and why things ran a lot better than they would have with him doing it alone. It seems to have mostly calmed down now, but a lot of the stress has been on me. I’m having to hire new people and implement a bunch of new programs and people don’t like change. Whew!

    Hope you all are doing well!

  7.  #7Emerson on July 18, 2016 at 12:45 am

    Lovergirl #5
    I feel impressed reading this. Good for you! Congratulations!
    I know what you mean about focusing on work and being in masculine energy.

    I feel that way a bit now too. In fact, I have two younger men (that I mentioned before) that have been showing me attention and I have been busy with work etc.,

    Also both of them want me to come to them and I don’t want to. So I keep declining to drive to them. But I say “no” nicely…
    One of them is stepping up a bit….we’ll see…

    I feel a bit numb and resistant when it actually seems like one of them will step up ….I find myself feeling scared and wanting to turn around and walk the other way. I know I need to get over this fear.

  8.  #8Emerson on July 18, 2016 at 12:52 am

    Sirens I also had yet another reminder that I have a complicated relationship with alcohol. I went out with a friend while I was out of town on a trip and I had one too many. Nothing bad happened, but I sent some texts (to one of my younger CD) that I otherwise would absolutely not have if I was sober. Nothing horrendous, just don’t like the feeling the next day like I was out of control.

    I need to get a handle on this.

    Maybe not drink at all anymore for a while.

    Obviously there are times I cannot handle it.

    I have been searching within myself for what triggers might be with me right now that caused me to lose control. i think maybe feeling lonely. Isolated. Wanting companionship, but at the same time realizing Im scared of it.

    Adding alcohol to the mix doesn’t help, Emerson. I know this. I just need to get some clear boundaries and follow them.

    I also realized I don’t have boundaries around alcohol that I should have.
    so maybe this was a blessing.

    Thanks for listening sirens.