Is It Busy Out There – Or Busy In My Mind?

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tightropeSome thoughts about New York City and the lessons I’m learning here – about me:

1. Wanting groceries makes me feel fragile – and I’m not.

The Question that got me started on that is this: How does anyone get their groceries home in NYC?

They’re heavy. You have to do it one meal at a time.

I KNOW people cook – the places I’ve stayed in (my airbnb rental apartments) have cookbooks.

I would feel foolish getting a cab to go a few blocks…just because I have a bag or two of groceries. And yet – walking home with heavy bags seems impossible.

And I haven’t seen one person rolling a grocery shopping cart of any kind. (Perhaps they do – I just haven’t seen it. Not once.)

So I now have a routine – every morning I go out for a bag of groceries – and every afternoon, too. This way, I build up my cache of vegetables (very heavy food!). Every evening I go out for water.

2. I think I’m too old for this city.

Not because there are so many young people, or because of the pace – but just because you have to walk.

And now I realize how much stronger I’ve become with all this walking. It feels great!

And then, too, there are cabs and uber cars.

You just have to go outside to get a cab, push a button on your phone to get an uber car. In other cities – you have to call them and wait.

And cabs are expensive. So if you’re old, you have to be able to afford cabs, or walk to the bus, or get someone to help you.

At least, there are options. Where I live in Los Angeles – someone has to drive you.

3. There are so many people out on the street in NYC – it’s hard not to pick up too much from them and too little from yourself.

Just like with a man who feels like he’s taking up too much room inside your heart.

 4. This is a city of zen masters.

I’ve met two kinds of cab drivers:

One who is feeling frustrated, wants to speed, wants to plow through, isn’t interested in me, doesn’t want to talk, just wants to go home – all the time. Doesn’t really like his job. The city gets to him.

The other – a zen master. And I’ve met MANY of them! They enjoy the city, enjoy the driving, aren’t hurrying, don’t let anyone or anything get to them, are curious and friendly.

Which one are you?

I don’t mean good days and bad days – I mean – in general – what’s your attitude?

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on June 9, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Busy in my mind yes.

  2.  #2Femininewoman on June 9, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Interesting. I live in NYC.

  3.  #3RileyTheOwl on June 9, 2014 at 10:58 am

    I live on quiet little Vancouver Island, I don’t feel I can relate to all this. Much respect for all you New Yorkers though : )xoxo

  4.  #4RileyTheOwl on June 9, 2014 at 10:58 am

    I live on quiet little Vancouver Island, I don’t feel I can relate to all this. Much respect for all you New Yorkers though : )xoxo

  5.  #5RileyTheOwl on June 9, 2014 at 10:58 am

    I live on quiet little Vancouver Island, I don’t feel I can relate to all this. Much respect for all you New Yorkers though : )xoxo

  6.  #6Phoenix on June 9, 2014 at 11:59 am

    Lol. In Manhattan a lot of folks use Fresh Direct to order heavy grocery items and stop by the market every couple of days in between. Other groceries will deliver after you shop and pay for your items too. But you are right Rori, you go to the market several days a week. In the outer boroughs folks drive to Costco, Bjs, etc. To do bulk shopping monthly.

  7.  #7Phoenix on June 9, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    I’m a blend between Zen and rushed, but I love me, my life, the City and the good folks I meet along the way <3

  8.  #8RileyTheOwl on June 9, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Sorry for spamming….

  9.  #9Indigo on June 9, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    I had such a delightful date tonight with the same guy from last Saturday.

    He came and picked me up, took me out for a seafood dinner, and then to watch Maleficent at the movies, which I found absolutely delightful. He was so relaxed and easy and paid for everything without any fuss, and though it wasn’t a “Wow” date, I found myself feeling so light in his cheerful company.

    Lovely way to spend an evening.

  10.  #10Amazed on June 9, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    I feel like I am letting a man take up too much space in my head… 😛 I am slipping up and not keeping up on Rori’s siren advice. Amazing how quickly things can go downhill.

  11.  #11April Rose on June 9, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Oh Indigo,

    Sounds so easy breezy and natural.

    I feel uplifted reading about your encounter.

  12.  #12sophie on June 9, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Your energy feels floaty Indigo – and I like all the adjectives ‘delightful’ ‘easy’ ‘light’ ‘cheerful’

    Thank you for your words on last post – It’s true I have tried as much as possible to not put too much energy into B’s case and focus mostly on my own life – I feel so grateful the dates have been changed – it seems to have bump-started him into doing the work himself and I can do ‘my self-imposed’ part at my on pace

    I felt despairing again today with another ridiculous offer from the solicitor – really low and down and worn out…hopefully they will go away now until the next court dates are given as they said that was the final offer…

    I found some serenity at the weekend – no electronics just a paperback book and some sunshine – then the launch back into the email world just spiralled me down again 🙁

    New day starting tomorrow – serenity me again – work methodically through my work – keep on keeping on

    I know what I want I know where I’m going but for months its just all been about having no money and not knowing how to get the money I need to make my moves – heady heady masculine things…back to the serenity …

  13.  #13sophie on June 9, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    I am both – I glimpse Zen Master and I pull myself back into Zen Master over and over – I am also angry, want to get home taxi man – not often though to be honest not when I’m out in the world I try to be out in the world – I’m more likely to be in my head when I’m home and even then it depends

    I am half and half working on being more zen than not zen

  14.  #14sophie on June 9, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    I had a dream about being in NY two nights ago! Ive never been there but it was very telling about my life – I kept wandering down these dark city streets and thinking mmmm this isn’t safe, probably shouldn’t be doing this and turning back, then there was a river with burst banks and though there were pretty cottages at the end of the path it was getting more dangerous so I had to turn back, then I thought I should really get a guide book cos it probably wasn’t a good idea wandering around in dark streets in areas I didn’t know.And during all of this, in the distance I saw the Statue of Liberty and it was bright and glowing and I thought ‘that’s where I want to go tomorrow’. That dream is my life right now.

  15.  #15Liquid Light on June 9, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    I am the total opposite of Zen, hahahaha, oh well. I love NYC but could never live there. I’m just way too anxious. … living there would probably send me over the edge. :O

  16.  #16Kyla on June 9, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    RileyTheOwl – I was in Vancouver Island on the weekend! I want to move there! So beautiful and the people are the nicest in the world xxoo

  17.  #17Olivia on June 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    NYC groceries – you have less choices and its zen! Say I have a salad w lentil soup. I won’t have six things in the salad – just maybe the greens some olives and some of the veggies that went in the lentil stew. Rori can drivers are so fun to “practice” on! I’ve had so many deep convos w them over my 13 years here! And if you are super lucky you get a lady cabby once in awhile – those are some interesting ladies!

  18.  #18Olivia on June 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Can not can 🙂

  19.  #19Senior Lady Vibe on June 9, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    The Question that got me started on that is this: How does anyone get their groceries home in NYC?

    We shop often. I carry one or two small bags. I have two large supermarkets within two blocks, and a third within walking distance. Or the guys will bring them home for you if you have more.


  20.  #20Zia on June 9, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    So much more a zen master now. I can feel what thoughts and things invading my head are not mine and return them to sender to give me the space to be me. It feels so much lighter and open.

  21.  #21RileyTheOwl on June 9, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Kyla, isn’t it? : ) Victoria is a beautiful city, and I am so glad that I have grown up here.

  22.  #22MovingMagic on June 9, 2014 at 8:35 pm

    I live in Nyc. I go to Whole Foods daily and pick up small amounts of food/produce.
    I’m a teaching artist and zip around everywhere. It’s definitely a life style.

    I don’t use cabs and prefer to walk or bike when I’m not teaching. Both are such great ways to tap into the energy and diversity of the city.
    Ahhh New York…how I love thee.

    I’ve learned that finding my zen is possible anywhere I go. ♡♥

  23.  #23Indigo on June 10, 2014 at 12:36 am

    April Rose & sophie,

    Light and floaty, easy, cheerful, delightful and comfortable – literally the adjectives I would use to describe my favourite evening with anyone.

    Sophie, I hope you find more and more peace in this situation.

  24.  #24Emerson on June 10, 2014 at 5:51 am

    Hi sirens.
    Hi SLV!
    I feel curious about NYC…I’ve never been there!

  25.  #25Emerson on June 10, 2014 at 5:58 am

    I can’t seem to shake this feeling of hopelessness….
    Regarding my romantic potentials…
    Other areas of my life are ok, and I feel thankful.
    But I just have this strong negative feeling about meeting someone compatible ,, I’m trying hard to flip it, but it’s getting increasingly more challenging to do that. I’m not “buying” it from myself when I try to think optimistic thoughts.
    “All of the good ones are taken”
    Are they.??
    I am 40 so it’s a strange age group. A lot of older men want to date me but I’m not into it. I like men my own age. I feel hopeless and the worst part is I feel very iisolated from friends who are married with families. It feels awkward.
    I know this is nothing new I’m writing just sharing with you sirens. Thank you.

  26.  #26Emerson on June 10, 2014 at 6:03 am

    I do feel happy that I’m not in a lifeless marriage …..
    I want warmth and love and I don’t want to lose it…

  27.  #27Indigo on June 10, 2014 at 6:47 am


    “What you resist persists.”

    Try not resisting your negative thoughts (I don’t.) I visualize myself letting them have a little moan, then giving them a big squeezy hug, and then sending them outside to play. Then try starting with the positive visualisations! Remembering that your negative thoughts are trying to protect you, but are ultimately not very helpful, helps me.

  28.  #28Liquid Light on June 10, 2014 at 11:43 am

    Seriously considering reaching out to a past CD to explore possible FWB. Feeling hesitant but also feeling like its been so long since I had sex (1.5 yrs!) and I’m kinda worried that I’ll just get used to it or that I’ll lose my desire entirely if this continues. Sigh. I think I could remain detached because he’s not really relationship material – we tried dating and it didn’t work out. He’s got some deal breakers but we’ve got great chemistry together so….

    Ughh, this feels scary…

  29.  #29Liquid Light on June 10, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Yikes! I don’t know if this is a really good idea or a really bad idea! LOL!! ARgghhhh!!!!

  30.  #30Emerson on June 10, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    I can’t see updates comments on my new phone waah

  31.  #31Azure Blu on June 10, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    My thoughts on whether or not to reach out for FWB…

    Your vibe would be REAlly important…
    If you’re feeling “YIKES”
    not sure if that’s the easy breezy feeling
    i’m thinking you should have to
    NOT be too invested…
    Just my thoughts.

    I’ve gone 7 years without sex, my choice
    of course I don’t recommend this… :-))
    (I know quite a few women and men who have too) because of raising my kids and getting my heart broken too many times picking men that weren’t available…
    I found… When the right situation happens, believe me,
    all your sensual, sexy self will come flooding back!!

  32.  #32Liquid Light on June 10, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Thanks Azure, I appreciate your feedback.

    I’ve already put it out there and I think he’s going to bite…hopefully not literally. Hahahaha!!!

    I do feel like yikes but I also feel like I really miss physical intimacy and we are very physically compatible!! I find that it is harder and harder to find that kind of compatibility.

    I don’t think I will have expectations but perhaps I will…I don’t know. Also, just because I made the suggestion, doesn’t mean I have to deliver I guess…A girl can always change her mind right? oh well, I’ll see how it goes.

    Feeling very stressed now because of all of the huge changes coming up in my life. So I’m just feeling scared and anxious in general…I suppose a little physical intimacy is a way to take the edge off for me maybe???

  33.  #33Goddess of Love on June 10, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Hi! Lovely Ladies…

    A question

    In confusion…

    CDing is working, and maybe too well. Match guys are “falling in love with” who they think I am without even meeting me, or with one date and just from my profile. For example a widower, Jerome, who is a Fund Manager traveling around the world is writing me these long love emails and we haven’t met yet. He is assuming I am unattached and open for dating. I’m wondering if I should be telling him about J, my lover and friend? I feel I will wait to see if there is any chemistry there, but am concerned about being dishonest to both of them. J is still on Match and corresponding with women, but says he loves me, misses me when we are not together. I’m fascinated how quickly these guys come on so strong with feeling they are falling in love, and I’m the one. It doesn’t seem real or realistic.

    Any words of wisdom anyone can share. I’m not sure my heart can be involved in a romantic way with more than one guy at a time? It does seem to give me more confidence to be cding.

    Azure have you ever discussed with Rori your concept of two month’s giving a guy a chance before moving back to cding?

  34.  #34Amazed on June 10, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    LL..I have needs that aren’t getting met sexually in my relationship so I am continuing with my FWB. He is one of my best friends..he is also being deployed this year I think so a relationship is out of the picture unfortunately. I am a very sexual person and need that to keep me sane. 😛

  35.  #35Kyla on June 10, 2014 at 6:31 pm

    Goddess of Love – I found that with CDing too, men falling for me almost instantly, it was surreal. The thing is though it doesn’t matter if he’s falling for you. It matters how you feel, with and without him, and whether he’s stepping up to claim you. I had 2 guys ‘fall’ for me before we met which felt lovely and gave me lots of time to practice yet both times I met them it was instant fizzle for me. WRT telling them the truth, I told all my CDs I was dating, no details just that I was dating, open to meeting new people and ready to meet my one.

  36.  #36Kyla on June 10, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    Liquid Light – Archer was my friend and when I added him to my rotation he was my FWB. We don’t talk now but I don’t regret it, it was exactly what I needed, great practice to stay open and warm and encouraged me to keep CDing. It brought up a lot of feelings and old stuff for me and once I processed that things sky-rocketed. If you change your mind that’s cool too! Be true to yourself moment by moment 🙂
    I feel excited to hear about all the change happening, I know it can feel overwhelming but its the outside reflection of all the awesome change in you too. More good things are coming!

  37.  #37Goddess of Love on June 10, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    Thanks Kyla- that’s helpful.

  38.  #38Millie on June 10, 2014 at 8:12 pm

    I love new york city….I remember walking SO much when I lived there last summer. You are always surrounded by people. In LA, it is so easy to feel alone, in your own vessel, in your world, apart from what is going on outside your car. But on the other hand, driving through LA makes me feel so connected, so connected to home, to my roots. I love Rori’s description of the second cab driver….friendly, curious, unbothered, not in a hurry. When I think about which cab driver I am, I feel like I’m both. It depends….. Lately work has really been getting to me. I feel so raw, like my “thick” skin has been worn down. I feel burnt out, tired, unwilling to defy an emotional beating by my superiors. I feel defeated. It takes a lot of energy to work in a creative field. Not only do you have to be creative when you are asked, but you have to switch gears a lot from clerical type tasks, to creative tasks and for me, I need to be in a certain mindset for my creativity to really flow. My flow is definitely being stunted right now. And I want my weekends to be mine. I could design over the weekend, but I don’t want my job to consume me like it is right now. It’s like I recharge my battery over the weekend, and it’s drained by the end of Monday. How is that possible?! So in other areas of my life, I am curious and relaxed and friendly, but at work, I feel like the angry taxi driver.

  39.  #39Indigo on June 10, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    Goddess of Love,

    “Match guys are “falling in love with” who they think I am without even meeting me, or with one date and just from my profile.”

    That’s very common, but don’t get too hung up on it – just remember, it’s imaginary until you meet, it’s not real. For all you know, they could be copy-and-pasting those same e-mails to 10 other women, and in real life, they could be nothing like the impression you get over the dating site. That is what gives me a sense of perspective on the whole thing.

    I also wouldn’t worry just yet about “full disclosure” – if one is on a dating site and you are not in a relationship, each person is entitled to assume that the other is dating and speaking to others. Remember, CDing is about not getting emotionally invested in a guy before he is really stepping up in quite a big way!

  40.  #40Goddess of Love on June 11, 2014 at 6:27 am

    Thanks Indigo, good perspective…

    Wish all of us today, a day where we really see the miracles that are all around us…

  41.  #41Veronica on June 11, 2014 at 6:50 am

    Reading about sirens wanting to have sex – I feel sad, I want that too but my inners get so messed up if I do. I can’t go there yet. But I’d loved to be touched, adored.

  42.  #42Veronica on June 11, 2014 at 6:51 am

    I’ve been feeling sick lately and again fallen behind on the blog, I’ve been reading but getting involved seems like too much. And so I feel disconnected.

  43.  #43Veronica on June 11, 2014 at 6:52 am

    The moms who are balancing dating and parenting: I’m in awe.

  44.  #44Veronica on June 11, 2014 at 6:53 am

    I feel more excited about the kind of men that are visiting my profile – as in I feel drawn to them and they seem like more of the kind of men I would want to meet. They seem like ‘men’ – what a turn-on. And the tussle between not wanting to lean forward, not wanting to seem desperate much more easily gives way to following my feelings and allowing myself more opportunities to explore how I’m feeling. For example, I felt worried that I may leaning forward by looking at men’s profiles who hadn’t made the effort to make contact but now I’m more interested in exploring how I feel while reading the profiles of these men that I’m attracted to. I like the giving myself opportunities as opposed to checking whether this is leaning forward or not – it’s as though I’m trusting myself more.

    But I notice this other vibe – I feel confident in me, am more able to accept what I can’t control – yeah it’s more like enjoying the flow, I’m imagining myself laughing as life and energy push me here pull me there, like a leaf floating on flowing water – I don’t feel perturbed or out of control – not sure how I got there but for now I like it. More men are noticing me when I’m out and about – actively looking and smiling at me and I’m not feeling so afraid of that energy coming towards me. I was at an art gallery and could feel one of the men’s energy wanting to be near me – that felt good to notice, to accept that energy. And yet there’s this private joy that I have in me in knowing that I’m on my own siren path and that that joy doesn’t entirely depend on what these men do or don’t do – and I’m still just at the beginning. Can I say that I have a presence? – it definitely felt like that at times. This siren stuff is becoming more intuitive, it’s becoming more ME.

  45.  #45Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 7:10 am

    LL #32
    In my mind I agree with your thoughts on
    the difficulty of finding physical compatibility…
    And taking the edge off is sooo good!!

    I was considering how nice it would be to call
    one of my old bf who was THE BEST!!!
    But the whole affair was way too awful
    to be able to do that…

    You are going through a lot right now…
    Give yourself MUCH LOVE and Tenderness.

  46.  #46Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 7:42 am

    GoddessOL, #33
    Not sure what RR would say about my theory of exclusivity with a CD…
    It’s just what works for me… :=)

    I’m thinking it has to do with the vibe I go into it with…
    Now that I am more in control of ME…
    LOVING ME more…
    I go into these trials with an open heart…
    and learning who the man really ease…
    but NOT falling in love UNLESS he is the
    right man for ME.

    As far as you being honest with J…
    It is important to me to be honest.
    Of course in the beginning, you both assume
    you are dating others…
    I agree with Kyla and Indigo…
    for me
    I don’t get too caught up in what the guys say
    on email…
    Not until we talk on the phone and meet is it real.
    Of course i am very appreciative and
    say soft warm feeling messages…

  47.  #47Tereana on June 11, 2014 at 7:55 am

    I just had a weird realization. Well, this was a few days ago, really. It goes back to an earlier conversation we’d wee having about “body clocks” and babies and such. And often I will say it think, “oh yeah, there’s only so much time.” And there an intellectual knowledge of it. But I don’t *feel* a click ticking. I don’t *feel* time “running out.” What I feel, actually, is that I am not old ENOUGH. I feel immature. I feel as if I am “too young.” I feel almost pre-pubescent, in someways, even though I am 34.

    In my mind I am still an awkward pre-teen in middle school, or even a little girl. I look FORWARD to having kids. I see it in my FUTURE. I don’t see it in my PRESENT, because I hardly know what age I am. I got stuck somewhere. I haven’t really grown up. On the outside I look like a perfectly put-together, gorgeous, sexy 34-year-old. And inside, I’m still the “ugly duckling.” Left out, ugly, not like everyone else. And then I look in the mirror, and I’m like, “who is that???”

    Anyway. So that’s it. It’s not that I feel like getting old. It’s that I am constantly getting older, but I don’t feel it. Even though women two-decades younger than me could get pregnant (even if they are teen moms), I don’t feel that I am “old enough.” That probably doesn’t make any sense. It’s weird. But that’s honestly how I feel…I am amazed that women my age have three kids and more. It’s perfectly reasonable. But it feels so separate from my reality…

  48.  #48Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 8:39 am

    Veronica #44
    Hey girl… I was wondering where you were…

    Sorry to hear you are not feeling well… :-\

    I feel happy when i read about the new vibe
    you are experiencing!!

    It sounds sooo Sireny!!!
    You “enjoying the flow”
    Enjoying “men noticing you”
    and You NOT feeling afraid of that energy!!! :=)
    (((Yay YOU!!))

    I remember when that started happening to me…
    I felt a new found self confidence…
    from practicing the RR tools…

    I could walk into a shop, a grocery store
    stand tall, smile at people say hi…
    because I was genuinely happy to see them
    Not afraid of what THEY might be thinking!!
    Ahhh… so much has changed for me.

  49.  #49Veronica on June 11, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Azure Blu – 48 – Thank you for thinking of me : ) The good thing about being ill is that I get to stay in bed and read more of Rori’s articles.

    Yes exactly! I love the new vibe and there are more gorgeous men pitching up – it feels all yummy and it feels so good to just enjoy it. I feel giddy excited.

    The way you describe being in the stores and not worrying about what they’re thinking about you sounds so freeing. I feel excited because I’m imagining so much happiness happening and *I’m* making space for it to happen.

    I may be feeling sick but I have a huge smile on my face.

  50.  #50Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 10:07 am

    ((Veronica)) ;->

  51.  #51Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Milie #38
    I didn’t realize you are a designer too…

    What I have found is that working weekends
    happens a lot if I’m not clear up front
    that I don’t work weekends…(I have my own design studio)
    I still do it off and on to get caught up.
    (more on than off)

    It feels validating to read how your creativity
    flows when your in a certain vibe…
    I have that also
    But the time elements of deadlines make
    that certain vibe more difficult!! ;-0

  52.  #52Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 10:16 am

    I feel very lucky to be able to make a living
    doing something I love!! :->

  53.  #53IamHis on June 11, 2014 at 11:29 am

    I just got rejected by someone I met online before meeting him in person (yes, I’m putting myself out there online! Even though it feels scary and vulnerable, I am learning to be brave.)

    It was because of my faith. Glory to G0d. and he left me with the most lovely compliment:

    Me, after being rejected: “Thank you. It feels wonderful to be called “lovely.”

    Him: “Yes! Great smile, soulful eyes, and yes, lovely. I wholeheartedly approve.”

    I just needed to drink that in and feel good about it, even though I do feel a little sad.

  54.  #54Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    interesting reading about Your
    time clock…

    Your feeling of “enough time”
    is much more relaxed than
    having an alarm clock going off!!

  55.  #55Shannon P. on June 11, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Hi all. I missed this post, posted to the last one, if anyone cares to read my update! 🙂

  56.  #56Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Yay!!! Shannon P.!! (((hugs)))

    Wow!! thank you soooo much for taking the time to share alll your AMAZING adventures with us on Siren Island!!

    Soooo coool about your persistence allll the way
    to the Senator!!!
    You have inspired me…
    You Rock Star!! :->>
    You sound sooo good.
    I feel happy and sunshiny reading it!!!
    Keep on Rockin’ Siren

  57.  #57prplpsn28 on June 11, 2014 at 6:25 pm


  58.  #58Goddess of Love on June 11, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    Azure Blu – once again your comments are really helpful. I have a feeling that one of these Match guys who is coming on really strong is a scammer. He called and left a vm, and he sounds like a scammer/his accent/ that hit on me once, possibly twice. Once I heard his accent some of what he has been saying is making more scammer sense.

    Well fellow sirens feels like time here for some delicious sleep on our island. More adventures tomorrow…

  59.  #59Tereana on June 11, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Azure Blu – I love your interpretation of what I wrote! Lol. I know that I have “enough” time. But that’s a dangerous thought. I could think that all the time and then wake up and be 42 and be like, what?? Time is what it is.

    No, what I meant, really, is that, at the same that my clock IS ticking, I can’t hear it, because I am in a mentally blocked state, where I feel much “too young” and I judge myself as not basically being an adult at all and therefore I “can’t” have kids “yet,” whereas I totally could, at any moment.

    What’s also true is that I clearly need “growing up” in some other ways – financially, and clearing out the “gunk” from my family experience so that I can finally be myself again – I.e. Who I really need to be. Once that’s done, I’ll pribably be more ready. But I don’t want to take forever to do that. My kids won’t wait forever. And I want to meet my children and know who they are…but they need their mama, first…so it starts with me….

  60.  #60Tereana on June 11, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    Azure Blu – what kind of a designer are you? Also in fashion?

  61.  #61Femininewoman on June 11, 2014 at 8:09 pm

    Shannon absolutely awesome!!

  62.  #62Kyla on June 11, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Shannon P I’m so HAPPY for you! Awesome awesome news!

  63.  #63Azure Blu on June 11, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    Ohhh… that’s right Millie is in fashion design…

    I am a graphic and web designer…
    But I DO love fashion!!

  64.  #64Tam on June 12, 2014 at 6:27 am

    I can totally relate to this post, having no car. I am constantly carrying stuff and rushing around, and I pretty much do the same thing as Rori, which is buying little but often.
    I find it depends on my daily mood whether I am zen master or not, sometimes I am totally cool and other times I feel very frustrated having to carry my groceries for miles in 90 degrees and high humidity.

    I feel the same with relationships with men..sometimes things will wash over me, and other times that very same issue can cause me to blow up. Working on that now. Sigh.

    Working on staying open and authentic too. I worry that I am unauthentically dating someone right now, ‘just for fun’, because I don’t want to talk about the issues that we have. He doesn’t bring it up and I can’t, I feel blocked. Ehhh. 🙁

    Anyway, on a lighter note, I have started a little blog on dating, just for fun. I just wrote an article on the ‘do’s and don’t’s’ of internet dating. I have online dated for years, with some success, all my last few longer dating relationships came from the internet. I suspect you all know this stuff already, but if you feel curious, I would love to hear your comments:

    Thank you

  65.  #65Violette on June 12, 2014 at 7:26 am

    Since I’ve moved to new city I have such better luck with men! I’m now dating 2 nice guys. I’m talking men who plan the next date before we leave each other, who accompany me home, who kiss me a lot and tell me I’m beautiful over and over, who feed me and buy me drinks, and gush over me. Neither one is a hot guy. In fact I wouldn’t have given them a second look if I wasn’t in the mode of circular dating. But now they both feel like contenders.

    Which is also awkward because how do I handle sex with 2 men I really like? I haven’t slept with either and one is sexier to me than the other, but I am curious. That part is so important to me, to have good sex with the man I end up with.

    For now I’m trying to keep it from going there. For today.

  66.  #66Violette on June 12, 2014 at 7:27 am

    Tereana it’s been forever but I wanted to thank you for commenting on my post asking for advice on telling a man I don’t like his cologne…I haven’t said it to him but it felt good to read it and made sense to me.

  67.  #67Azure Blu on June 12, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Your CDing sounds so easy breezy!!
    It is interesting for me to read about
    how attentive and adoring your men are.

    I’ll be interested to hear what you decide to
    do sexually… ;-}

    I too have a man I am dating and he has
    Many of the qualities you mention…
    He isn’t the wild chemically inducing
    type guy (like i used to pick)
    but because of the RR tools
    I am giving him a chance and
    I haven’t had sex yet either…
    I’m enjoying practicing with a man who
    seems like he can be emotionally intimate!

  68.  #68Veronica on June 12, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Ha what a day. A day or two ago, I decided to visit the profiles of the men who visited mine. I enjoyed reading their profiles even though I didn’t feel attracted to them and that just feels so healthy. And strangely, some of them came to visit my profile. One or two struck up a conversation. A previous online CD said hi. One man wanted to continue contact off the website and another offered to meet up for coffee after I expressed feeling curious about something he mentioned. It all feels so easy that I’m giggling. Offline in the real world, I notice more male attention coming towards me and I’m so enjoying that, even though I’m feeling sick. It feels good not to have to take any of this seriously although I do slip into ‘oh where am I going with this’. So much to explore.

  69.  #69Zia on June 12, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    Has anyone heard an update from Elsie lately? Was thinking of her and wondered how she is going.

  70.  #70Jameella Nuur on June 12, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Hi! Ladies…

    After listening/watching Chris Carters and Rori’s sessions, it seems like we are supposed to hold eye contact with strangers for 3 to 5 seconds and then muster up a smile. I keep trying to do that at the gym; must have the wrong attitude…not seeming to work.

    Any suggestions…

  71.  #71CurvySiren10 on June 13, 2014 at 5:29 am

    Elsie dropped collegeCD and went back to GM. They were together for several months, talking of the future, opening a joint account etc. After (I think) 6 months or so of this, he pulled back and ultimately told her he didn’t know if he wanted a committed relationship. She thought they were heading toward marriage. They broke up (again) and she is back with collegeCD for the past few weeks.

  72.  #72Azure Blu on June 13, 2014 at 5:38 am

    Veronica #68
    hey Lovely Siren…
    I’m feeling sunshine, lolypops and rainbows
    reading your posts!!!
    Sooo fun!

  73.  #73Azure Blu on June 13, 2014 at 5:39 am

    what do you mean by “not seeming to work”?

  74.  #74Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 6:01 am

    Really Curvy??!! That is almost unbelievable thinking about her updates when she was going back to GM.

  75.  #75Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 6:06 am

    Jamella – must have the wrong attitude

    This jumped at me. Could you focusing on beating up yourself rather than radically accepting yourself? I am thinking it is just your timing that might be off. When a man is focused on a goal he is focused.

  76.  #76CurvySiren10 on June 13, 2014 at 6:11 am

    Yes FW… that is exactly what happened. It was all ‘perfect’ for a while, with marriage talk on the table, joint account being set up, talking about (and looking at) properties together…and then he pulled away. And actually didn’t say anything at all, just did the pull back including not kissing on the lips, etc. She finally confronted him and learned that he just didn’t want what she did. She handled the breakup extremely well this time. Way different than before. A few bumps, but mostly she moved on pretty quickly. She still has to see him at work, which is tough…but she’s doing very well.

  77.  #77Azure Blu on June 13, 2014 at 6:23 am

    Ohhh… I remember reading all the posts from Elsie…
    Glad to hear she has recovered so quickly…
    RR tools sure do help!!

    I remember collegeCD saying he wanted to change…
    Hope it all works out for her!!

  78.  #78Indigo on June 13, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Re: Elsie

    I always had my doubts about GM’s sudden return.

    And the fact that he seemed to be crying all the time didn’t seem to me to be a good sign.

  79.  #79Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 8:25 am

    That is interesting Indigo. Why would the crying ring a warning bell for you? I am feeling curious.

  80.  #80Indigo on June 13, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Feminine Woman,

    The crying most definitely rings a loud warning bell for me.

    Maybe it is my own experience, but none of the men whom I have met in my life who have been super solid commitment types have been criers. What I have found is that it is more a case of the love runs very deep rather than being expressed on the surface like that. It’s a case of you don’t doubt their commitment and love but they are rarely that demonstrative. Yes they may cry in front of their wives but it would be in the case of if a parent dies, or something similar. They would rather give the appearance of strength and stability to the women in their lives.

    It can be a bit frustrating, this aspect with very masculine men, that you find you have to trust their feelings for you and their commitment rather than them expressing it in a “mushy” way, and a more emotive man can be alluring in some ways. But I personally would never entirely trust the commitment of a man who readily cries in front of me. To me, it spells someone less stable and more changeable.

    This is not meant as a judgment, just my own experience.

  81.  #81Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 8:52 am

    That is an interesting take Indigo. I wonder what Rori’s experience is.

    The one guy that I can remember being a man who would show his emotions at times through crying is my kids dad and it seemed he made commitment really easy. His current marriage he went into 3 months after his last divorce came through. He divorced in September and was married in December. I also know he stayed with the last wife long after the marriage was over emotionally.

    My thinking is that a man’s worldview on marriage and commitment is influenced by what he sees with his parents. Regardless of whether he cries a lot or not. What I have found is that if their parents remained married for life a man tends to want to stay loyal.

  82.  #82Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Also what I have noticed with myself is that I tend to want to test guys. I am attracted to the tough macho persona. I have tended to push see what a man does when he gets angry, I also tend to want to know what makes him cry. It feels really odd to me and raises suspicions for me when a guy doesn’t seem to be feeling. I always feel moved by a man who tells me about a story or incident that made him cry. I usually feel more bonded after listening.

  83.  #83Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 9:07 am

    I do believe I would have taken the route Elsie took if I were in her shoes at the time. She seemed to be sure of what she wanted. I wasn’t exactly clear on what GM had wanted but what was shared seemed to suggest that he was saying the right things. My only reservation was in light of Tam’s experience where she walked away from her engagement towards marriage to go back to a man who had walked away from her. I also have a belief, after having 2 engagements broken myself, that a man who is has got to come with the deed to the home he is buying for us to live in as well as the engagement ring. In other words something concrete that costs him something to really prove to me that he is serious and this is what he wants. When I was younger the ring was enough but at this point in my life and all I have learned I could not shut down my options for one man just on a prayer and a promise.

  84.  #84Indigo on June 13, 2014 at 9:17 am

    Feminine Woman,

    I do realize it could also be a cultural thing with the crying. South African men do tend to be a bit more traditional and like I described – it is not at all that they feel any less, they just seem to have certain beliefs about showing strength.

    And I agree with you about a man bringing something which cost him something to show his commitment to you – that was what I was a little dubious about with GM in Elsie’s situation. Yes, he showed up on her doorstep, did the whole crying thing, saying all the right things, but what did he really have to offer in the end?

  85.  #85CurvySiren10 on June 13, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Honestly, at the end of the day (and knowing the intricate details of the story) GM was all talk. He really never showed a legitimate, action-filled desire for marriage. He talked about a lot of stuff that Elsie chose to believe. I think her biggest lesson from all of it was that the feet do the talking. It’s all about the actions…

  86.  #86Mandy on June 13, 2014 at 10:04 am

    I feel awful.

    I’ve been trying to ignore my anger and resentment against J, since he’s tapered off alcohol, but still has me buy him beer and cigarettes but we haven’t had sex for five months.

    I am so sick of living like this. I can count on one hand the times we’ve had sex in the past year.

    I feel like when he gets a job I might just have to say look I love being with you, but I do not want a sexless relationship…so it’s up to you what you want to do, stay and start working on it, or let me at least have a crack at a relationship with someone who will give me what I need.

    So very angry and sad and frustrated…I forgot all of what to do, and that happens all too often…I’ll try not to focus on it and then it just gets bigger and worse inside me.

  87.  #87Indigo on June 13, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Hear hear CurvySiren!!

  88.  #88Azure Blu on June 13, 2014 at 10:48 am

    I feel sad hearing you share your frustration about J.
    You Lovely, beautiful Siren deserve allll the hugging and kissing and sex you want!!!

    My thoughts are you are sounding more clear about what YOU DO want
    which is how YOU get what YOU want!

    I have found NOT focusing on MY feelings MAKES them bigger!

    What I have learned from the RR tools
    is to keep focusing on MY feelings until
    I find the deep down feeling
    and then
    gently and tenderly hold that feeling,
    pull that feeling close to me and hug and
    love that feeling with ALL the LOVE
    I would give a small child (which is me).
    It may take a minute, an hour… all day…
    BUT I deserve this time and so do MY
    then usually…I feel heard by ME
    and Pooof… I feel better!! 🙂

  89.  #89Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 10:59 am


  90.  #90Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 11:02 am


    Why do you believe you have to wait till he gets a job? You want what you regardless of his situation. You have not said anything yet so he might be there thinking you are okay with the sexlessness. Again you haven’t said anything. If it were me I would start writing a speech about it because you don’t want it to build up inside you and run the risk of exploding. You deserve to have what you want.

  91.  #91Kyla on June 13, 2014 at 11:12 am


  92.  #92Kyla on June 13, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    Thats interesting about men that cry.. I think every committed relationship I’ve been in the man has cried in front of me at some point, except Ninja, he shares his feelings in a very matter-of-fact way but he’s more about actions than words anyway.
    My exh however was a ‘crier’ and I eventually realised it was a form of manipulation so I guess its a case by case thing and how it makes you feel if/when he cries.

  93.  #93Indigo on June 13, 2014 at 12:08 pm


    I cannot believe that suffering in silence is helping the situation. What are you afraid will happen if you become a bit more assertive about your needs?

  94.  #94Kyla on June 13, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Ninja and I have decided to relocate to Vancouver next month! Big move across the country and happening very fast but its what we have both been trying to do for the last few years and turns out he was ready to go when we met and cancelled his plans and found another job here because he felt I was worth staying for 🙂 So I’m all go go go here getting everything sorted, I have contacts sussing out jobs for me and we are all feeing super excited and nervous about this big bold adventure! He wants us to get married and I’ve decided its not what I want right now, maybe when we are settled but with exh dragging up our divorce again I just dont want to go there. Ninja’s ok with that but is calling me his forever girl now which I like better than wife anyway lol so I’m keeping up with the blog when I can but really don’t have much time at the moment.

    Love to all of you beautiful sirens xoxoxo

  95.  #95Azure Blu on June 13, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    WOW… I feel so happy for YOU and your family!!
    I’ve heard sooo many great things about Vancouver!!

    What an exciting adventure… I admire your tenacity!

    I am sending energy vibes your way…
    I know there must be sooo much to take care of..
    although Ninja is such a take action guy
    I know you have lots of help!!!

  96.  #96Femininewoman on June 13, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    I feel sooooooooo happy for you Kyla

  97.  #97Veronica on June 16, 2014 at 8:01 am

    Azure Blu – 72 – I like how you described your feelings – I’m smiling reading it.

  98.  #98Veronica on June 16, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Kyla – 94 – This sounds amazing – he stayed because he felt you were worth staying for – wow! Thank you for sharing, it just feels so hopeful knowing that happiness is happening : )

  99.  #99Goddess of Love on June 16, 2014 at 8:58 am

    About Rori’s 3 to 5 second eye gaze/smile. How do you feel about eye contact gazing/smiling at someone you see out in your life that you find attractive but don’t know. How do you get over the shyness. I believe it is true; could be the wrong timing but any suggestions for being successful, comfortable doing this?

  100.  #100Tissy on July 22, 2014 at 11:42 am

    Dear Rory,
    I have been listening to your audios and great advice for a little time now.
    I am now getting back in touch with an ex that lives in another country. We broke up because at the time we had no perspective to move to each others countries and we were both in a bad place in life. But we always new we had a special connection. He tells me he can feel me from distance – and the facts prove that.
    Now, after 2 years, I see things differently and so does he. We are keeping in touch every other day and my feelings are escalating. We don’t know where we stand and what really we are doing. But it feels very nice and intense every time we call or text.
    I was wondering whether you have advice on the friend/getting back in touch with an ex kind of thing and mostly what would be your advice on long distance relationships, in general, as I have never seen your take on this. Thank you very much.