Is Your Anger The Problem – And Not HIS “Issues” At All?

Untitled design (14)

Here’s a specific situation from Laura – that actually is totally universal.

The problem is that a man is just being who he is and doing what he wants – only it doesn’t go well with what YOU want.

The frustration of trying to negotiate with a man when almost all of what he’s doing is not negotiable for him makes it so that it’s all black and white. If you can’t find some way to compromise, we go insane.

We have to either stay or go.

It’s not like loving a dress, bringing it home and then taking it to the tailor to get it fitted properly.

You take a man pretty much as he is – and you negotiate circumstances.

Sometimes, circumstances aren’t all tied up in “who he is” – and they’re negotiable.

But, most of the time – that isn’t the case.

Most of the time (especially if it’s about his kids) there’s no room for negotiation at ALL on his side.

And from there – you have to make some choices.

just – as I’m coaching Laura – don’t give up on a man until you’ve tried all my tools for at least a few months…give the relationship a chance to right itself and breathe, and give him a chance to get past his comfort zone and step up for you.

“Hi Rori,
I was completely caught off guard when my husband told me 2 days ago that something is missing in our marriage that is forcing him to shut down with me and just give up on a marriage that hasn’t even made a year. He describes it as a connection or a click that is not there for him anymore.

He said that he did not think we were compatible anymore and that we should just end our marriage. We have been married less than a year and we live in different households because of his job and my job. We live over an hour away from each other and we only see each other on weekends.

He does not call as much as he used to during the week even though he has admitted to having regular breaks at work in which he used to call during those breaks and look forward to calling but now he says he just does not have the desire to call me because he doesn’t miss me like he used to and that “click” or “connection” is just gone.

Now this is the confusing part…right after he told me this he broke down crying which in turn made me break down that we ended up crying together and right after that he was completely affectionate and loving for the rest of the weekend and this confused me and I have not brought it up to him because I am not sure if I should or not but the words that he said to me continue to ring in my ears over and over and I feel depressed to the point that I cannot eat.

I feel nervous and I’m doing everything possible to lean back and take care of me but I don’t know what to make of the fact that his words do not align with his actions. I am also sensing now a coldness when we speak on the phone, almost as if it’s a duty for him to call me. I have stopped initiating calls. I don’t know if I have gotten too cold without realizing it.

I feel there is a fine line between leaning back and how far back should I lean back and being cold. I am having a difficult time knowing when too much is too much but all I know is that no matter what I do my marriage is falling apart and it doesn’t seem I am using the tools correctly.

***

It’s Laura…I hope you remember our phone conversation which I am sure that you are quite busy with counseling sessions and writing. Well I wanted to follow up with you but I wanted to give us enough time to give you some real feedback. So it has been 2 months since you and I spoke and we have started the process of getting my house up for sale.

We went out of town in December and we were able to look at some homes which we both like. We are continuing to look at homes in a couple of weeks so that we can find a location that we really like. I have started the process of getting certified in our new state to continue teaching. I am hoping to sell the house sooner than later. So that is the deal with the house.

Our relationship has been better since the ball has been rolling with the house, the move etc. Even though real action is not taking place and we can not see the future of when all this will take place, the talking and planning does make the situation better.

The issue that we still have which makes it worse because of the distance is whenever we do have disagreements/arguments he continues to shut down and shut me out to the point that he won’t speak to me for a day or two and sometimes three and I find this very difficult to deal with and I don’t even know how to.

I do leave him alone and give him his space and I only respond to text messages etc if he initiates them because I feel angry when I initiate and he chooses to ignore me or not respond because he doesn’t want to deal with the situation so I avoid putting myself in that situation and I just back off and let him initiate.

But as he is taking his time and space I am feeling angrier and angrier and sometimes by the time he rolls around I feel bitter and distant and sarcastic so it is like a cycle. How do I explain this to him in feeling messages so that he understands how I feel or so that he is at least receptive to listening to me and not shutting me out because he feels, “Uh, oh….another talk”? He says that we are different because I like to talk thing over right away and move on while he needs a cooling off period but….1, 2, 3, days???

I feel that is selfish, ridiculous and a waste of precious time. It’s not as if these disagreements are major either that he has to resort to such lengthy breaks. I feel he was such a great communicator which was one of my ” I must haves” in a relationship when I met him and boy was he receptive and demonstrate being a great communicator and now this?

It makes me angry that he almost put on a show and now he shuts down etc. I have spoken to his mom and she says he has always been like that when it comes to confrontation and that makes me even angrier because that only confirms that he put on a show as this great communicator. I would love to give him some ultimatum because I don’t want him to think that he can get away with this so how can I demonstrate that this is unacceptable and I don’t want to change him because no one can change him but him but at the same time I don’t need to tolerate such behavior?

Thanks again for our telephone conversation and I hope to hear from you soon, Laura”

***

From Me:

Laura – the problem here is your anger.

He is just being who he’s being – and if you’re going to feel angry about it, and participate in “arguments” – we will get nowhere.

Your anger and expectations are yours to resolve and not push out on him. If you want this thing to work, you have to:

1. Accept him 100%

2. Stick to the 4 Rules in my ebook

3. Use only feeling messages that very carefully do not say he ever, ever did anything wrong.

4. Be open and warm, even if you feel upset inside – or remove yourself until you can get your feelings straight and feel peaceful and accepting and calm.

5. Change your attitude about him 180 degrees – you say many times here that you don’t like the way he handles things: “I feel that is selfish, ridiculous and a waste of precious time.”

Where you say in your letter: “It’s not as if these disagreements are major either…”

This is YOU being JUDGMENTAL!!!!

You can’t change him, or make him wrong, or even INWARDLY hold these judgmental feelings.

He will not open up and want to be with you and make you happy and do what he knows makes you happy until he feels SAFE, and totally accepted, and RESPECTED.

This is your work to do…and I KNOW you can do it!!!!

Love, Rori

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1 Comments

  1.  #1ulii on April 12, 2012 at 7:11 am

    I think I am a bit atw 🙂



  2.  #2Radiant Rising on April 12, 2012 at 7:12 am

    Refreshing take in this article. Thank you, Rori. 🙂



  3.  #3GingerSky on April 12, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Awesome pure solid glowing gold, Rori! And this fits me & my situation & what I did w NSM completely. Ah, such learning… & learning feels good. Losing him feels bad, and even when I thought I was doing better, I was still judging him, had done it so much he understandably couldn`t get past it, & then on top of it all I judged him more bc he didn`t buckle under my judgments & do what i wanted. Oh oh oh. He slid right off the edge of my learning curve & by time I found Rori`s info I had done too much real damage. And what I did do of the Tools truly extended, deepened, cleared, connected & made peace in the relationship!:) Apologies to Sirens for my still processing this, but i really need to & it helps a *lot* I`m gonna be processing this one a long time & learning all I can from it! It feels really really really good to see & *feel* all these dynamics.



  4.  #4GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Thank you for this article, Rori. I’m so there too. My guy is a great communicator, except at those times when I’m upset. He shuts down. I also like to just deal with it right away & he needs space & will ignore. I’ve recently decided I’m changing my reactions because now after twice this has happened, I get it’s just him. He has told me he pushes away when he feels pressured. I want him to feel safe with me. I want to accept all of him. I want this to work.



  5.  #5Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Wow – I agree with Rori – I was thinking the same thing when I read, “But as he is taking his time and space I am feeling angrier and angrier and sometimes by the time he rolls around I feel bitter and distant and sarcastic so it is like a cycle.” Laura is being controlled by her own anger and her husband is being repelled by it.

    I’m lucky in this regard in that I rarely ever get angry. It just isn’t in my nature and when i do, it is gone quickly and I’m incapable of holding a grudge. I just have to be careful not to be taken advantage of and to guard against not getting my needs met because I am so willing to defer to the needs of others.

    I do this by getting plenty of “me” time and providing myself with the positive vibrations I need to keep a happy and balanced life.

    My perfect lover is coming for me and there is an abundance of money coming to me as well . . . It is already happening for me, I just have to be open and receive it.



  6.  #6Starla on April 12, 2012 at 8:28 am

    i don’t want to feel angry at or judge who he is.

    it’s okay to feel angry but i don’t want to feel angry at who he is.

    i wouldn’t want someone to be like that with me.



  7.  #7Starla on April 12, 2012 at 8:30 am

    i feel frozen and stuck and it feels like a big lump in my stomach and throat, and i’m eating breakfast but it feels like my food is getting stuck there in the lump

    grumble



  8.  #8GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 8:52 am

    For me, I don’t feel anger when he pushes away. I feel sad, hurt, & frustrated.

    ((((Starla))))



  9.  #9Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Calypso that is the reason why I prefer to believe that the best way to be in relationships is to continue living my life the way I would if the man was not present, until he offers the commitment. Bitterness and anger just eats at your bones. I have come to a place where I choose, even at work, to move myself emotionally from whatever doesn’t feel good or happy to me. If I can’t move myself I just speak my truth, then just drop it. I spin too many tales in head when I am angry. I have even felt my heart racing and my body temperature rise more than once standing in front of a supervisor who was critical because I was angry and responding in angry. I remember asking myself why am I allowing this person to threaten my health like this. For me it is just not worth it so I just speak my peace and leave it.



  10.  #10Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 8:58 am

    GivingGirl there is one that I actually feel admiration towards because he is so focussed on building his dream and living the way he chooses regardless of all the judgements and criticism around him. I feel inspired by his strength to rely on himself and to beat the odds that life throws at him. I feel numbed by his pulling away and wish things were different but I know I would feel better if he on his own come towards me. I know how that feels with him and if I am to choose between feeling angry and judgmental or holding on to foolish hope that things could change in an instant, I’d rather hold on to hope. It is less damaging to my internal state so I can live my dream in my imagination.



  11.  #11GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 9:08 am

    FW – yes, I agree with you & I’ve done it. I don’t like feeling angry. Hope is so much better. Thanks.



  12.  #12Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:13 am

    i want to go to the wailing wall and cry my eyes out for failed love.

    which i’m sure is sacrilege but i’m going to hell anyway;)



  13.  #13Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 9:19 am

    I don’t believe love fails. A relationship might fail for several different reasons but love I don’t believe can fail.



  14.  #14Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Starla, I love your sadness.



  15.  #15Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:25 am

    I feel cowardly. I feel like my fear is and has been holding me back from the relationship I want.

    How can I fix this?



  16.  #16Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:26 am

    ohhh fw, semantics semantics



  17.  #17Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:28 am

    I feel angry and sad and like I don’t know how or when to communicate.



  18.  #18Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:31 am

    i feel anxious and butterflies in my belly hoping he’ll come back



  19.  #19Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:32 am

    i need hugs.

    almost hit up Alaska in need of hugs. sigh



  20.  #20light heart on April 12, 2012 at 9:32 am

    I feel bad. It feels like the lonely hearts club on the blog now. I hate on-line dating. It feels cold to me. I also feel like I must be showing up with a bit of a hole in my heart. I feel like still processing the last one and not dating for a while and take care of me. 🙁

    🙂
    light heart



  21.  #21Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:33 am

    my friend. she feels so excited and happy about her anxiety and depression…because it connects her to him. because he has been anxious and depressed. he can help her with that. he can’t help me. I’ve already moved past it…



  22.  #22Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:34 am

    she could make him feel needed. I don’t know if I could make any man feel needed…



  23.  #23Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Men need to feel needed.
    I need safety and protection and strength.
    I feel too weak and I feel too strong.



  24.  #24Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 9:38 am

    57: Daria says:
    Patricia – its not just an expression. sorry to be so blunt with you!

    it shows how you perceive life and the experiences. Those kinds of words are GREAT to look at, and its part of ‘riffing’ and can show us what our SUBCONSCIOUS is saying about us and love and the world.

    That is actually operating on you powerfully – you wouldnt have written that, it would simply not be an expression of yours, if it was not belived on a subconscious level –

    and thats where your ‘sabotage’ is.

    This is an opportunity to look at that and explore that… to change what you believe about what you will receive, what you “should” do, how much you are appreciating and how worthy you are of what you REALLY want, and the way you EXPERIENCE the world will shift

    WORDS ARE IMPORTANT! VERY HUGELY IMPORTANT!

    and the words we speak about OURSELVES and about HOW WE EXPERIENCE LIFE literally and actually create the experience for us, and attract or push away energies, including people and events around us

    thats why we its so powerful to “Choose our Words” as in the mantra…

    and why feeling messages ‘work” to connect us with emotion and create connection… they share Only the feeling experience, not our beliefs created around that

    and that feels safe, real and trustworthy

    we CHOOSE our beliefs… and through that choose what we filter in our experience… and therefor choose our experience

    it does feel overwhelming sometimes – and very powerful – to really look at what our voices are saying, in us and through us, and make the shifts that can impact our reality

    Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 1:39pm



  25.  #25Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Light heart, in my humble opinion, there is nothing wrong with taking a break from dating. If you are not ready for it, there is no point. You will sense your reluctance to be out there dating, and so will men…



  26.  #26Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:42 am

    fw, i KNEW you were going to paste that very comment:P



  27.  #27Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:44 am

    I feel so sad. I feel so unsure.



  28.  #28Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Yeah – in the world of love and relationships I am shifting my belief to guard my mouth and my words rather than building walls to guard my heart.



  29.  #29Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:46 am

    i am happy for you



  30.  #30Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Why am I comparing myself to this other woman? YOU ARE NOT HER. YOU ARE DIFFERENT.



  31.  #31Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:48 am

    @28 Feminine Woman – I love this. though, I wish we didn’t have to guard anything. But we do. because without boundaries, there is chaos…



  32.  #32Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I feel messy and chaotic.



  33.  #33Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:50 am

    So often, I want to blame others for my own self-inflicted pain.



  34.  #34Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:50 am

    (((((((Starla)))))))



  35.  #35Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:51 am

    (((((((((Lama))))))))))))



  36.  #36Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 9:52 am

    RE 31 Iamabutterfly guard might be the wrong choice but I know I have to pause now. I used to use my words, which could be very caustic, in the past to really protect myself and get at people. I had guys pick up stones and throw at me who were hitting on my sister because of what I said to them. I know first hand that words are powerful, both in the outer and inner world.



  37.  #37Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:55 am

    I feel guilty for being a blog hog. I feel giggly because “blog hog” is incredibly fun to say and write and read.



  38.  #38Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:56 am

    @36 Feminine Woman – True story. I felt sad and curious reading what you wrote in this comment.



  39.  #39light heart on April 12, 2012 at 9:57 am

    That’s very good FW 28.

    The on line man who insulted me had made a few comments before we met that he saw that I was on line quite a bit, and I said yes, it feels nice to be getting a lot of emails. Then he made a date with me in the morning and said, this way you will have time for your evening date. That came across a bit odd and PA to me, but I just said, yes, back in the day, maybe a more genteel time, a woman had numerous suitors until one asked for her hand in marriage, maybe even breaking a date with one of them when a special one asked her. I very much sensed that he came to the date with a preconceived notion to take me down a notch or two, because, my god, who am I to date more than one guy at a time or try to feel good about myself ?

    🙂
    light heart



  40.  #40Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I feel empathedic towards everyone. I love empathy. Empathy feels warm and connected and healing even through feelings of sadness and anger and confusion.



  41.  #41Lizka on April 12, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Feeling good after running, working out, and showering. Feeling incredibly good.

    And now eating healthy vegetable juice with cracker and yoghurt. My body is feeling happy. My mind alsoi I think.

    And this afternoon I’m going car shopping with my mom!!!!!!!!!



  42.  #42Francesca on April 12, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Happy car shopping, Lizka!

    Do you have any idea what kind of car you’d like?



  43.  #43Starla on April 12, 2012 at 10:32 am

    i feel really proud of myself for getting out of bed and knocking off the moping and making it to work on time easily for the first time in ages this morning!

    now i feel depressed…

    but if that is all the good that today brings – to have gotten out of bed and not moped and looked cute and ready for work – then i’ve done a great job! cuz that’s huge!



  44.  #44Francesca on April 12, 2012 at 10:37 am

    (((Starla)))

    I wish I could take away some of your pain because I know how much it hurts to wait for someone.

    I wish you release and relief.



  45.  #45Mochaberri on April 12, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Hello Sirens!!!!!!!!

    Have a question:

    I have been CD’ng and it feels wonderful. Met a nice guy a couple weeks ago and have been hanging out with him. My interactions with him are very surface level and what I’m learning from him helps me in many ways with KR.

    Here’s the dilemma – YoungCD we will call him has invited me to an event this Sunday and I am a little nervous about going. I haven’t given him an answer yet. The reason I’m nervous is that the basis of this event is something KR would be interested in and may be there. Now I am very clear that we are in an uncommitted relationship, I just don’t want to feel like I’m slapping him/throwing it in his face by being on a date with another guy.

    Does this make sense??



  46.  #46light heart on April 12, 2012 at 10:51 am

    45 Mochaberri

    nice to see you!

    Are you really saying that you are worrying about KR’s feelings if he sees you on a date with another guy and how this might affect his feelings towards you?

    What’s your intention? To go out with this guy to “show KR” ?

    or is it to take care of you, and let KR take care of himself?

    fwiw

    🙂
    light heart



  47.  #47Dominique on April 12, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Merci Francesca <3



  48.  #48Dominique on April 12, 2012 at 10:54 am

    lightheart – spot on in your message to Mochaberri.

    It’s not your job to take care of him. It’s your job to take care of you. You don’t owe him anything, and you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re going to an event which you want to go to with a person who happens to be a man.

    If he’s there and if he can’t handle this what is something innocent, then maybe a long term relationship with him needs rethinking.

    xxoo



  49.  #49light heart on April 12, 2012 at 10:54 am

    A man from online who I spoke to once, who sounds very nice asked me to lunch today. I told him I feel disillusioned with dating right now, because of a bad experience yesterday, sad and not in a very good mood and would hate to subject him to that, and I need some time. He said he understood completely and would wait forever if he had to, and would call me again starting next week. My faith is restored.

    🙂
    light heart



  50.  #50Dominique on April 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Starla – something which keeps nudging me is that you yourself said CF hardly ever checks his e-mail. There’s a very good chance he has not even read what was in my opinion a beautiful message.

    xxoo



  51.  #51light heart on April 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

    that kindness from that man makes me cry now



  52.  #52Starla on April 12, 2012 at 11:00 am

    dominique, you might be right. should i tell him i emailed him like how we were doing before? although he did not text me to tell me he emailed me his last letter…he just sent it for me to find on my own time.

    or just leave it be?

    i want to just leave it be for now.



  53.  #53Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I’m feeling all soupy…but in a good way….

    I’m feeling love for so much right now…

    This blog post felt bad and then good to read…like yes…even when we think we are being understanding …maybe we still have more to consider…

    Rori is sooo BRILLIANT at really seeing through what is really going on…



  54.  #54Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:07 am

    FW…from the other thread…I do think men can feel when we are in our bodies too, and probably more so when we are radiating from our pelvis (I know that’s not exactly your wording)

    and you feel soft talking about your CD who is focused on building his dream…



  55.  #55Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:07 am

    ((((light heart)))) wow…I love that…



  56.  #56Dominique on April 12, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Leave it be Starla. It’s not your job to do his work for him.

    xxoo



  57.  #57Daria on April 12, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Mochaberry – I think ‘slapping him’ might be just the ticket.

    You want him to get slapped and wake up and smell the Mocha!

    If you can handle the uncomfortableness and keep looking at yourself as a single queen with her escort out in town who sees a man who has also interest in her (as many many men do). And stay Open and Warm to both men while not apologizing for being herself and out with her escort…

    This can really bring that HUGE shift.

    He may then or later be angry – that is Very very good – want to talk about it – good …

    Act all erratic – you can handle it…

    If you remain open in the face of his anger and feeling messages and yet not tolerating abuse…he will then ‘GET IT’ snap back and his attraction will kick in and he will Have to pursue !

    Who doesn’t want a queen …especially one getting away from him!



  58.  #58light heart on April 12, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Hi Jilly,

    from the article:

    “You take a man pretty much as he is – and you negotiate circumstances.

    Sometimes, circumstances aren’t all tied up in “who he is” – and they’re negotiable.

    But, most of the time – that isn’t the case.”

    The way I see, it, it’s very simple once we are certain about the things we can change through negotiation, the things that cannot be changed…and possess the wisdom to know the difference…

    so……easier said than done !! especially when you’re in the thick of it…hindsight is 20/20 !

    🙂
    light heart



  59.  #59Daria on April 12, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Sooner or later he will catch the slap anyway, that’s what brings him to : omg she’s really single… Wat da fuchk!?!!



  60.  #60Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Silver Moonbeam…from the other thread…talking about Abraham…I also felt like I had come home…

    Now I’m just writing…

    and I dabbled in and out of listening to Abraham for about 7 years…and I would question LOA a lot…but then for me I realized I wanted to live my life focusing on feeling good no matter what …regardless of if it “worked” or not…

    I felt good about that…I think this clicked for me when I heard Rori’s waterwheel about imagining men giving to us all the time no matter what…I fell IN LOVE with this TOOL.



  61.  #61Starla on April 12, 2012 at 11:14 am

    thanks, dominique

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!



  62.  #62Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:16 am

    light heart…very true!! 🙂 I feel happy your faith is restored 🙂



  63.  #63Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Dominique…I wished you Happy Birthday on FB siren island…but incase you didn’t see it…Happy Birthday from me too! 🙂



  64.  #64light heart on April 12, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Thanks, Jilly ! appreciated 🙂

    I do feel better now after being the damsel in distress, ala Jessie, and the man coming to my rescue.

    As for the other guy, dang, I would rather deal with a man’s confrontational anger than that passive aggressive cr*p, that makes my blood boil at times!

    🙂
    light heart



  65.  #65Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:25 am

    another thing that really made a huge shift for me was listening to Abraham’s The Astonishing Power of Emotions…

    there is a part where they talk about how we came here to WANT the relationship of our dreams…that the relationship itself is great…but we came here to WANT it and in the WANTING there is soooo much emotion and desire and love and juiciness.

    This totally switched my paradigm and whenever I felt that wanting (to be with a man) then I reveled in it and embraced it that that is why I came here…

    Now whenever I feel a wanting…I feel lit up and like YES!! I LOVE that feeling now…where before I felt lack…

    oh my goodness..I feel so happy and peaceful

    thank you Sirens…I feel glad to have this place to write…I have been writing here for a long time lol



  66.  #66light heart on April 12, 2012 at 11:25 am

    the p a, they make it so that they can turn it back on you, at every turn, no matter what or how you say it, because they either just don’t care, or are too messed up to be able to look at their part in anything…poor things…i’ll have to send him some love, too, because he must be suffering…

    🙂
    light heart



  67.  #67light heart on April 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

    hey Jilly, I was Elizabeth, remember me in the heyday with Boomer, prairie lady, kaitlyn….

    🙂
    light heart



  68.  #68Starla on April 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

    i don’t want to leave things be! i want to conquer the world and my men! rahhhhh!
    *grows to godzilla size*
    *stomps tall buildings to dusty bits*
    *plucks a tiny CF from the remains*
    *ignores his screams and calls it love*
    heh



  69.  #69Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

    light heart…I feel the same way…I would not like my man taking days (time after time) to respond…that would not work for me…but I know that and I LOVE myself for that 🙂

    On another note…

    being a damsel in distress is lovely! and he was your hero…(big happy sigh) 🙂



  70.  #70Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

    ooooohhhh….my long lost friend Elizabeth!!! I know we had a connection, maybe that’s why I felt a “knowing” of some kind….but I had no clue you changed names…thank you for telling me 🙂 Wow…



  71.  #71Starla on April 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

    my little girl wants to meditate by the river. so that is where we’re going riiiight now, for my lunch break



  72.  #72light heart on April 12, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Yay, Jilly !

    I am so so happy for you and what is happening for you in your life now, it is such a joy to read! and so glad you are still posting !!

    I better run along now, but I will be back !

    if it were not for Rori material and this blog, I would probably still be a non-dating sorry-a** empty nest aging almost baby boomer lady….lol

    🙂
    light heart



  73.  #73Jilly on April 12, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Starla…you are conquering the universe…just saying 😉

    Light heart…the man who brought me to Rori was very PA and @66 describes him perfectly…now I can see him in my minds eye and send love and feel so much gratitude for me and for the man of my dreams…Rugby Man hehe



  74.  #74Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Thanks Jilly. I feel all lit up and sparkly with excitement reading your 65. I feel the color hot pink in those comments.



  75.  #75lk on April 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

    hey, y’all ! sounds magical over here : )))



  76.  #76Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

    @ #9 FW – I know what you mean about refusing to engage in bad feelings in a work setting or a relationship or any setting. I have people at work who can’t understand why I refuse to get worked up over certain situations. I just don’t see any benefit in it for me . . . I have survived a very tramatic divorce from an emotionally abusinve man and my neves do not need rattled over something that I have no control over. I am going to be happy and when someone tries to impose their unhappiness on me, I simply refuse to participate.

    On another note – My Beach Date with GM is fast approaching (15 days) and I am so calm and happy about it that i am totally leaning back and enjoying the anticipation of the event and not contacting him at all. I know he is worried about the trip and how we will be alone for 3 days in the same condo and he does not want to take advantage of me, blah, blah, blah – because he is a worrier, but he need not worry about me. I am circular dating and I am going to have fun with him and not try to make it something it isn’t. I think he will actually be shocked at how relaxed and leaned back i am. I’m nearly to the point now where I am just as excited about being at the beach as I am about being with him! He better be careful or I will spend all my time collecting shells for my own pleasure and forget he is even there!



  77.  #77Patricia on April 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    From previous post: E called today during his lunch. Before we got started I asked him to pray so that our hearts could be open and unified. He did this for me. (Spirituality is huge for me) He is just recently divorced so this will play into the conversation.
    I told him that in my heart I dont want to continue feeling the hurt of the past. That today I was putting a wall up to that taking a deep breath and feeling everything from here brand new. (Yay for me for letting past anger and resentment fade into the back of my heart behind love). I told him that I appreciated him calling and taking the time. He said I deserve anything he can give me. I told him that I felt amazing being on the phone with him but still missed his face. Because he and I are no longer in the dating or getting to know you stage this may seem fast but its not. I told him that without him there feels like he is missing from my heart and how that hurts. We both agreed that the point of the coversation was to determine where we were and what he could give. He said he wanted to give me everything but (excuses) being just so shortly after the divorce and…and…and. I listened and then told him how sad this made me feel and that because he came to me telling me he left that it hurt that he wasnt ready. (Reminder when he emailed he said he wanted me back but would understand if we could only be friends) I told him this felt like I was being left and offered crumbs. I asked him if he thought he was ready. He said he knew what I deserved but it wasnt possible right now. I almost stopped myself from crying but I didnt. I let him hear my hurt and he cried too. I let him cry and I listened. He said he would be sure to update me on his progress. I told him this would feel too much like friends and as I cried I told him he cant contact me again unless he can give me what he says he wsnts me to have. I stayed open to him the whole time, listened to what he was saying, stayed soft and strong, and did not make him wrong. I created a safe place for him to feel and be himself and right. I was clear about my heart and feelings and he was receptive. He said he wasnt happy that he couldnt talk to me…I told him if I am to be in your life it will be when you can give me everything I deserve. He said he loved me and we hung up me still crying. I did txt him, right or wrong, and told him that if this was love I deserved his love and he deserved mine. I said Peace and Love (Angel) and I let him go. Time to.lean way back. I said everything, have no regrets and made no mistakes. I am still happy and refreshed and someone no man ever wants to let get away. I will not settle for just friends…I deseve his love and devotion… Free, beautiful and open me!!! YAY!!



  78.  #78Mochaberri on April 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Happy Birthday Dominque!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  79.  #79Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    yes, Happy Birthday, Dominique. Thanks for all of your wonderful advice, calm energy, and wise ways.



  80.  #80Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    I feel paranoid now. I feel like my friend is here on the island.

    I feel guilty for the things I’ve said, but also not guilty.

    Because I feel hurt by her.

    I feel more hurt by her than by any man, because I’ve tried so hard to help her, to my own hurt.

    I feel like she used the help I gave her against me.

    She’s admitted to me that she is selfish.

    I had no idea just HOW selfish…

    How would you Sirens handle a situation like this?

    Where you felt like a fellow Siren betrayed you?

    I’ve given so much of my time, my energy, my friendships, and my money to this friend.

    Because I love her.

    Because I see myself in her.

    Because I wish so much that I would’ve had someone like me in my life when I was her age.

    I feel soooo awful about this.

    I don’t know what to do or what to say…

    and I’m much more open then she is.

    I could open my heart to her, and not trust that she would do the same for me.

    This feels terrible…



  81.  #81Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    I trusted her because I thought she was more like me. But I guess she isn’t as like me as I initally thought. I feel like I have a lot more compassion than she does…



  82.  #82Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Jilly – I love the Abraham Hicks teachings too! when I am having a tough day or just lacking positive vibrations, I go to the site and just start clicking on videos – there is no way to stop the positive feelings that wash over me when I do that! And I am usually enspired to take some sort of action that results in a positive response from my immediate universe! Love it!



  83.  #83Senior Lady Vibe on April 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    @Dominique

    More Happy Birthday wishes.

    for today Thursday, April 12th…

    SLV
    xoxo



  84.  #84lk on April 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    picturing waking up… it’s a weekday morning… all chill… easy breezy…. stretch & morning sun & tea… & the porch….. & he comes out & gives me a ring & i drive down the mountain to my new, fun work with big windows & it smells nice & there are lots of children & i feel respected & effective & there are so many sparkles & i feel really happy & solid & stretchy : )



  85.  #85Starla on April 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    ok, didn’t get much meditation in, there were a lot of people down by the river today, running and riding their bikes! but i walked mindfully and breathed mindfully…

    mind kept wandering to CF and my ‘pain’
    but that’s okay

    because i voted for me, just by even trying to center and calm myself.



  86.  #86lk on April 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    ((((Starla))))



  87.  #87Starla on April 12, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Then Alaska texted me to see if I wanted to go to this really really cool exhibit with him tonight after work. I said yes! I could use some male energy, even though he’s kind of fem energy… it’ll be good practice for leaning back.



  88.  #88Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Happy Happy Birthday to you Dominique.

    Patricia 77 was beautiful I feel really touched and moved in my heart by your words.



  89.  #89Mochaberri on April 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    @ 46 light heart

    Hey there! I know I have been out the loop for a while – things are a little hectic on my end.

    In no way is my intention to be “show KR” it is about taking care of me.

    Thanks for putting in to perspective!!!



  90.  #90Mochaberri on April 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    @ #47 Dominique

    You are right!!!

    Maybe subconsciously I feel guilty that as much as I love KR and do want a long term committed relationship with him. YoungCD is really giving me what I need right now and it brings me to deep thinking if I still want that LTR with KR



  91.  #91Mochaberri on April 12, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((DARIA))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    You are the greatest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  92.  #92Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    how funny that i was contemplating running to alaska for some comfort, but knew better. and then he appeared, voila, with some fun and comfort for me! i told him i feel glad someone thought of me today:)



  93.  #93Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    someone please help? I feel ignored. 🙁



  94.  #94Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    iamabutterfly, i would drift away from a friend like that, like how i do with men (except for cf, even though actually i am drifting away now)



  95.  #95Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    lamabutterfly – I must have missed what your friend did to upset you so much . . . was it from a previous post?



  96.  #96lk on April 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    OK Angry Coworker… i’m tired of getting emails full of You Trying To Do My Job…… o_0 leave me alone. i did that already. i shouldn’t have to say that to you multiple times / day. we have different jobs, different job descriptions. i am not a threat to you. i need you to stop “threatening” me. thank you : ) (((coworker)))

    omg she sent it twice. to my boss. & THEN to the president of our company.

    so… i had to then send my explanation TWICE. how silly.

    ah jeez now she is apologizing

    how silly !! lol…. oh well, now i’m just laughing & it’s ok…. : ))) ((((((((((((coworker))))))))))))



  97.  #97lk on April 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    someone tried to Swindle me today !!!! it felt so exciting…. : )))) & actually, i almost fell for it ! but i Did Not **** OOOOOH lk feels fancy, now that i have out-duped a con-artist : )))))))) & i sent him a very polite email informing him that i had caught his lie & that i appreciated his efforts & i do feel a lot of love & compassion toward him & a ton of excitement that my vibe-o-meter is so finely calibrated today : )))))) lol



  98.  #98Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    @Starla 94 – thanks Starla. It’s going to be reeeally hard. I’ve already lost a close friend because she wasn’t treating me right and it was really hard. But I guess dropping a friend because they aren’t treating you right is a good reason to drop them, right? A necessary part of loving yourself! Thanks again.



  99.  #99Patricia on April 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    FW…I feel honored that you would acknowlede me. Before we got on the phone I was reading A Course In Miracles and I felt like a miracle, I wanted to give him a miracle too. “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”
    Thank you FW



  100.  #100GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Happy Birthday, Dominique!!



  101.  #101GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Wondering how long before he notices I’m not contacting him like I was. Sirens, when you lean back, do the guys notice & comment?



  102.  #102Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    @95 Calypso – I haven’t written it all on here, but read my comment #80 for an idea of what’s going on. Thank you so much for your response!!!!

    I just feel like she’s been using me to get close to one of my CDs. I guess it’s okay for her to CD him as well, but it is NOT okay for her to use me to try to get close to him.

    and I feel like she’s been doing that SO MUCH lately…



  103.  #103Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    I actually feel really good about how my CD has been handling her attention. When he saw me feeling jealous, he stopped talking to her immediately. When she showed up to an event that she normally doesn’t go to, he did not make a point to talk to her. that’s good, right? or am I feeling too controlling here?



  104.  #104Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    CCCCCCCCCCFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
    I AM CALLING OUT TO YOU ACROSS THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!
    <3<3<3



  105.  #105lk on April 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    ((((((ACIM)))))

    feels so exciting to read about A Course In Miracles here : ))) i love to read my copy & i felt so excited when i first received it in the mail…. : ) ((((((babylk))))))

    noticing i feel really afraid that my Mama will think i make a “wrong decision” & she will think, “oh, it was all for nothing !” about me. hmmmmm…. & my dad will think, “what has my life been, if not family ?”

    & i love them so much…i don’t want to feel like a disappointment… but….. & also ! i Owe Them like a million dollars for all the School & Clothes & Food & Special Things……. double-ewe tee eff. feel scared & sad & shocked & helpless & mad & invigorated & jealous & guilty & scared & alone & abandoned & very large & very small & lost & dirty & chaotic & excited & scared again ! lol…. hm well that is something to think about…



  106.  #106lk on April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    (((((((STARLA)))))))



  107.  #107Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    practicing sharing my feelings with alaska. my negative feelings. i have such self conscious issues about being a damsel in distress. but i told him: i feel a little forgotten and neglected by the world today.

    love to my feelings. i don’t ever want to hide them to be “pleasant” to be around, especially when i am generally just positive all the time with people.



  108.  #108Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    RE 101 GivingGirl my experience is that they do notice and they do comment. Just that the ones who are not ready for relationship or really feminine energy tend to fall off. The real masculine ones just keep calling no matter what. I have one who I generally do NOT call. He calls all the time and ask did you miss me. He told me that sometimes he doesn’t call for up to 3 days because he doesn’t want to be too pushy.



  109.  #109Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    argh, wow, he stopped responding! maybe i SHOULD be self conscious about sharing my negative feelings???

    sigh, i feel suffocated, not allowed to exist



  110.  #110Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    he did reply. “i feel ya. no worries. i can handle it”

    um well good for you? i can handle your mama.



  111.  #111Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    dang, now he is saying the exhibit closes early today and we can’t make it since i get off too late from work.

    lame



  112.  #112Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    i am feeling a lot of anger. i think it stems from feeling not good enough. rahhhhhhh



  113.  #113lk on April 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    (((Starla)))



  114.  #114Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    @107 Starla – I have the same exact issue as you as far as sharing negative feelings go. It’s soooo hard for me. But they guys respond well, usually. I think it’s only dangerous to share negative feelings when those negative feelings are a result of expecting too much out of our man, instead of letting him just be himself, and that includes being himself in the ways he’s seeking to make us happy…



  115.  #115Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    in other words, when what he does to make us happy isn’t enough, it in turn can make them feel not good enough, because of their own specific set of insecurities…



  116.  #116Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    or if our negative feelings are a direct result of how he is treating us or of how he is neglecting us…



  117.  #117Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Negative feelings are empowering as long as as they are not blaming him, or implying that what he is or isn’t doing is too much or not enough for us.



  118.  #118lk on April 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    i want to share my feelings freely, even when they are a direct result of his behavior

    “baby i feel hungry”

    “ill make you dinner”

    time passes

    “actually, i’m feeling all neglected right now because i still feel so hungry. what do you think?”

    dinner : )



  119.  #119Starla on April 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    our plans are now to have a beer. just 1. then i’m going home:)



  120.  #120Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I’m going to allow myself to have some ice cream and a movie tonight. That would feel good.



  121.  #121Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I am so thankful for this blog today. I love you, Sirens, and all of your feelings!!!!



  122.  #122Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Lamabutterfly . . . WOW! I would not be happy if a friend of mine was using info from me about a CD to flirt with or get closer to him – not if she thought i liked him or was interested in him AT ALL . . . I think you should have a feeling conversation with her . . . practice as if she was a CD and let her know how you feel about what she is doing. Uncool . . .



  123.  #123Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    also, lk, you are awesome, just FYI…but I’m sure you already knew that…:)



  124.  #124Iamabutterfly on April 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    thanks, Calypso!!! ((((((((Calypso)))))



  125.  #125Starla on April 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    maybe i can just let go of this CF stuff for another week, and if i don’t hear from him by then, i can call him like a grown up. what do you ladies think?



  126.  #126Sassy on April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Starla, I’m sure I’ll get flak for this….but, is it really worth this much pain when you really feel honest, true love for him, to sit back and just “hope” he will get to your email at some point?
    Wouldn’t you just feel some satisfaction in a simple text to say, hey CF, I sent ya an email? After 9 months, do you really still feel you have to lean so far back that you’re smacking your head on the floor??
    You are the only one here who truly knows how deep your relationship is/was with him.



  127.  #127lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I WILL NOT LET ANYONE EVER TELL ME THAT I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE INSANELY HAPPY ALL THE TIME



  128.  #128Patricia on April 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I am convinced that Anger is not a real emotion but a definition we place on the responses in the nervous system that are actually triggered by another emotion. For me I learned to identify all scary and hurtful feelings as anger, for if someone makes me angry it is their fault and they must solve it. However, if I identify the feeling by what has happened and I say that makes me sad, hurt, etc then the feeling must be owned by me and I have to be in total control of it. Identifying a feeling as anger for me, became a way for me to blame and not take responsibility for what makes me happy. A way to make HIM responsible and sorry for making me feel (wharever) can you imagine how defeated a man must have felt around me. Its amazing how I am not angry anymore..I have so many other ways to call out how I feel without punnishing. It gives me the ability to change and grow. Deep peaceful breath



  129.  #129lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    (((Iamabutterfly))) awwwwww thank you…. that feels so sweet & love-ly : )



  130.  #130Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    lk this question is coming from a place of curiousity and wanting to learn. What can you do to prevent anyone from telling you that you do not deserve to be insanely happy all the time?

    I am feeling really curious about that.



  131.  #131lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    @Patricia 128

    thank you. that feels really helpful to read : )

    it feels like a struggle sometimes to love myself completely… & to feel my body tense up & my face go rigid & my heart sink….. & love that experience too….

    & it feels so free-ing to say, these are mine & i love them… instead of, “this is what you have done to me”



  132.  #132Dominique on April 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Thank you Starla, Jilly, Mocahberri, Iamabutterly, Senior Lady Vibe, Femininewoman, Giving Girl…

    I feel so overwhelmed from the outpouring of love and birthday happy happys I’ve been receiving all day.

    Though my play day in NYC had to be postponed, I get to have a fancy dinner out with K instead tonight. I feel very happy with my “consolation prize”.

    xxoo



  133.  #133lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    @fw lol i really mean that i will not Believe it – it doesn’t matter what “someone” Says to me : )))



  134.  #134lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Happy Birthday, Dominique !

    : )))



  135.  #135Dominique on April 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Iamabutterfly – “when what he does to make us happy isn’t enough”

    How about shifting you consciousness to, whatever he does for me is enough, and I love what he does for me. Just this shift in thought will change what he does for you to align more with what you wanted, BUT since you have dropped the expectations, it will feel all the more sweet.

    As for your friend who has betrayed you, tell her you feel hurt, and you feel betrayed, and that’s all you need to say. Her response and her actions from here on out will tell you if you need to cut ties altogether.

    xxoo



  136.  #136lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    @Starla

    i think that sounds like a good plan. i would want to plan that in my mind. i like to tell myself there is a point in time at which, if i still feel a certain way, i will disregard all constraints & act exactly according to my whim.

    i do feel that it is way likely that he will contact you.

    also… i don’t want to sound controlling, but i don’t think you should let Alaska kiss you. i don’t know why i say that really, except i feel afraid that i would do it & make more “problems” for myself o_0 lol



  137.  #137Starla on April 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    wow lk, how did you know my ways;). I was totally gonna let him lol



  138.  #138Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    @126 Sassy to Starla . . . I totally agree! Starla – you have already leaned forward by sending the email and now you are torturing yourself wondering when/if he will get it! Is the pain and frustration and WAITING really worth the cosmic brownie points you are getting from leaning back now? I say text him and let him know there is an email out there. Then you will have some closure on the situation and THEN you can lean back in peace. This is obviously not workign FOR YOU – the point is to be happy and healthy and do what is best for Starla…



  139.  #139Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Thanks lk. Dominique’s comment in 135 is also helping me around that and I am seeing some value in allowing that to be an intention for myself also.



  140.  #140Starla on April 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    what would i text? “i did end up emailing you back…i needed some time. i don’t know if you check your email very often unprompted”

    i dunnoooo



  141.  #141GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    FW @108

    Thank you. I’m not very patient 🙂 I thought we were good again, but he still seems distant, so I’m leaning back. I want things to be like they were. I’ve realized how I’ve been creating some of this & I now know what I want to do. I just hope it’s not too late. He seems to know me very well, sometimes better than I know me, & I thought he would notice right away.



  142.  #142Starla on April 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    i don’t think replying to an email is leaning forward, btw



  143.  #143Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I’d make it short: “Sent U an email . . .” You don’t have to explain anything. This is for YOUR peace of mind because you doubt he saw the email – don’t sit waiting for a reply and don’t be thinking of what you will say back 🙂 This is just to be sure for yourself that you are not suffering through his lack of response for the wrong reason. Just my humble opinion.



  144.  #144Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I’d make it short: “Sent U an email . . .” You don’t have to explain anything. This is for YOUR peace of mind because you doubt he saw the email – don’t sit waiting for a reply and don’t be thinking of what you will say back 🙂 This is just to be sure for yourself that you are not suffering through his lack of response for the wrong reason. Just my humble opinion.



  145.  #145Calypso on April 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Sorry for the repeat . . . guess i really meant it – lol



  146.  #146Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    GivingGirl I feel tightened up around “better than I know me” comment. It can work against us if guys know our pattern and we become predictable. Doing the opposite of what we normally do changes our pattern and make us mysterious so they can’t help but think and then the attraction factor goes up.

    I feel confident that he has noticed but he is making a conscious choice. Men are different than us. We tend to operate on urgency. They will let things sit in the hopes that problems will disappear then they come back as if nothing happened.



  147.  #147Starla on April 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    i would like to know what FW thinks



  148.  #148Sassy on April 12, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Starla, I almost get the feeling you are stuck or frozen in fear around this whole situation.
    What if this wasn’t you facing this, what if one of the other sirens was facing this, what advice would you give her?
    Can you feel some objectivity about it?



  149.  #149lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    @Starla

    aww i feel a little sad reading 137… feels like “sarcasm” to me & i feel confused with sarcasm… like i’m always wrong & the Joke is On Me : (

    also, i do not perceive your energy as “waiting” – though in part maybe you are doing that – i feel you more like….. whirling ? : )

    feels magical & i feel inspired

    that is why i wouldn’t want to tell him about the email if i were you. he will read it & respond.



  150.  #150Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Starla I say look at your pattern with him. You were the one asking for more. You called to get him to meet with you. You send the emails and prompt him to read. To me in your “relatonship” with him you were the leader, if my understanding is correct. It seems you were the leader while at the same time wanting him to lead. So it end up not being enough and maybe he got flustered as to whether he should be the girl or the boy. It seems to me that you have to clearly decide which you want to be in the relationship and 1. choose relationship 2. choose whether you want to be boy or girl.

    Then have a discussion about it with him to see what he wants. A relationship takes two.

    Having said that I believe he already checked his email. He might just waiting for your predictable call. Men have egos. Men can be stubborn. I had one wait me out recently and told me he decided to be stubborn though he wanted badly to connect with me. I trust Rori when she says to just give up and allow him to just collapse onto himself. Your leaning back will cause him to keep thinking about you. If he chooses to come back around he will respect you more and will do so because he wants to.

    If you text him now and he does not respond, then what?



  151.  #151Starla on April 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    lk, no sarcasm. i actually was thinking about it, and how it might help my vibe untangle from cf’s lol



  152.  #152lk on April 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    @Starla

    i think it will “back-lash” & you will experience yourself tie a million knots around him….. like fishing line in the bushes….. if you “try” to untangle your vibes (((Starla)))



  153.  #153Starla on April 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    yeah, fw, you might be right. i actually never initiated contact, UNLESS i felt worried or something or we were ‘fighting’



  154.  #154Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Calypso I have seen similar circumstances over and over again here and it end up mostly the same way. A email was responded to and he has not reacted. I am wondering why do we think sending a text will get a reaction? It just feels like a lot of work to create something. I also see doing nothing as a new way of operating. A way of changing things. A way to allow a man to take up the oars. The relation-ship might sit dead in the water for a while until he comes to his senses but while we keep picking up the oars how can he come to his senses? This is a lesson I am learning myself.



  155.  #155Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    RE 152 – Yeah

    I know the agony of letting go but it is better to sit with the heartbreak until you come out on the other side even if it means several days of crying.



  156.  #156Femininewoman on April 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Maybe not initiating contact now can teach him that you are confident in his love and respect his decision. No need to be worried that you might lose him and you don’t consider what just happened as fighting. Just friends negotiating how you might be able to be with each other. I say change the thinking around the experience and just rest assured believing that he loves you and will find a way to work things out.



  157.  #157lk on April 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    @Starla

    the other day, i felt “angry” with cd. he mentioned that he felt that i was trying to compete with him – that i had a masculine energy that was going head-to-head with him – & it felt uncomfortable. i checked in with myself, & realized that i felt so afraid that i had sent my Man into the “ring” to Protect Me.

    if you sent your man into the ring to fight CF for you because you weren’t feeling Loved or Cherished enough, he forgot you were a woman & he wanted to Vanquish you & then Escape – like a warrior.

    he has now Vanquished…. (silly email)…. & Escaped… (radio silence)…..

    i agree with FW that he has read your email.

    now, he is on *his* “horse” again…. riding along…. long days… cold nights……. & he’ll be Thinking of His Girl Back Home, i’m sure.



  158.  #158Starla on April 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    fw, thank you. i do feel worried though that because i’m not initiating and pursuing, he thinks i don’t care for him! but that is because he is being a head-case, but he is MY head-case, lol…



  159.  #159Sassy on April 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    FW, I didn’t suggest she text him to tell him about the email with the hope of having a reaction or outcome. We all see over and over here that we shouldn’t expect an outcome.
    It felt to me that Starla was in distress because she knew from her previous experience with him that she had to let him know she emailed him.



  160.  #160Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Hi ladies! I’m listening to Abraham right now. I feel so appreciative of their perspective on life.

    My computer is broken at the moment. Before it broke, I was considering getting a new one. Right now, I feel unsure of if I want to get this one fixed or just spring for a new one. Luckily I have Sweetie’s available to use when he’s not using it.

    Speaking of Sweetie, I feel pretty happy with our relationship. We have our ups and downs, yet we seem to work through them.

    I feel inspired to cd the world more. I feel like a bear who is coming out of hibernation for the winter. I feel sooooo ready for spring and sunshine and high energy. I feel excited to wear clothes that my body can breathe in and to feel the sun hitting my skin.

    I feel excited to plant flowers and to garden.

    Mostly I feel excited to lay in the sun. I love the feel of the sun on my skin. It makes me feel happy.

    I’m also feeling inspired to exercise and up my happy feeling neurotransmitters.



  161.  #161lk on April 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    (((LG))) hi : )))



  162.  #162Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    And I feel a little overwhelmed because this is going to be a busy summer. We already have so much planned. We have several music festivals that we are playing at which involve traveling and finding a dog sitter.

    But I’m noticing that feeling overwhelmed is a common emotion for me, a pattern if you will.

    I love my overwhelm.

    At first I felt inauthentic saying that I love my ‘negative’ emotions. I feel more in resonance with that when I look at it through an Abraham perspective.

    According to them, negative emotions are an indicator that we are out of alignment with what we truly want. We are focusing on what we don’t want vs. what we do want. And through that focusing, we are attracting more of what we don’t want.

    So my negative emotions are a gift, they are my guidance mechanism. And I feel relieved that they exist so that I know when my focus isn’t in alignment with what I want.

    So yes, I love my overwhelm!!!!!

    It let’s me know that I am focused on worries and fears vs. navigating through all of this with ease and flow.

    Love you feelings of overwhelm
    (((overwhelm)))
    haha!

    So I am going to spend more time envisioning myself in the flow. I love that feeling of being in the flow, where everything lines up and I have super clarity about what step to take next and I feel energized yet calm and I feel beautiful and magnetic and attractive.

    Yes, more of that please! I feel ready!



  163.  #163Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Hi lk : )))



  164.  #164Patricia on April 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Starla, Im with FW on this one. Its so important to remember to get your focus off of him. Regardless of if he reads the email or not he will think about you when you disappear. I have had lots of practice with this and you will reach your greatest place of self power. Get out away from the computer, leave the phone at home and go be beautiful and confident Starla in the world. If he does not respond to further promting you will start beating yourself up about why he is or isnt responding. Its a horrible cycle. You deserve to shine and not hide in the shadow of an unanswered email or call…I say this only that you help yourself feel more confident, exciting and attractive because you are.



  165.  #165Starla on April 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    well. i feel sooooooo confused, more than ever now. but i always say, when in doubt, lean back. if another week goes by, it’s not going to make or break his love for me, is it? unless he is secretly hoping i will chase him right now, and that’s his secret condition. f*ck.



  166.  #166lk on April 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    i’m going to drive home & imagine i have my “perfect life” lol & see how it FEELS

    i want that FEELING – who cares if i have the “goods” – I JUST WANT THAT FEELING : ))))))))

    & !!!!!!!!!

    i can have the FEELING just by using my heart & my imagination : ))

    love love love i love love love to love love love lol



  167.  #167Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Starla:

    I feel concerned that you might be getting in his head with this thought.

    “unless he is secretly hoping i will chase him right now, and that’s his secret condition

    and that it might distract you from doing what feels best in your heart.

    and I don’t want that for our sweet siren, Starla.



  168.  #168Daria on April 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Happy Birthday Dominique! 🙂

    ****<3****<3*****<3******



  169.  #169Daria on April 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    i live in PARADISE



  170.  #170Starla on April 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    i dunno i’m just gonna drink a f*cking beer and eat some fried pickles and go home and take a sireny shower:D

    maybe tomorrow i will decide.
    maybe not.

    but he walked out. and i get to love me FIRST.



  171.  #171Starla on April 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    also, i have kissed other guys while dating CF before about 6 months in… i don’t think it matters but i do feel a little funny after.



  172.  #172GingerSky on April 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    The church office was closed by the time I called:( I feel miserable emotionally. I`ll hafta find/get the # of the counseling office maybe tomorrow. I dont totally want to get counseling there, but it`s free (i think). We dont have any other free counseling in our area anymore since long ago when funding was cut. I need to talk w a woman who understands what I`m feeling/experiencing. I can`t get thru this alone, too much loss & *way* too many challenges & things stacked against me. Not feeling like anything resembling a Siren today. Real, old, lifelong stuff is coming out from under surface.



  173.  #173Daria on April 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    ohh Starla – i would SO NOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW

    and while it can possibly masculine/get it done/business/result oriented get the e-mail read and even generate ‘a response”

    it will short-circuit the ENERGY!

    being you and relaxing and feeling and healing right now will bring so much more ROMANCE and ATTRACTION!

    Masculine Energy will have to chase you, get worked up and moving towards you all by himself, even if he never reads that actual e-mail…



  174.  #174Starla on April 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    love you, daria, sorry i don’t tell you more and that i ever acted like i don’t totally love you to bits.



  175.  #175Memulo on April 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Starla,

    I’m at the airport waiting for my flight.. I once wrote a Letter to a guy. Handwriting on a beautiful stationary, I still have a sample of it secretly. It was a masterpiece. It was light, funny, sincere and soo loving. I mailed it. I counted days till he might have received it (he lives 10 mins away, walking distance). He never wrote back. I was beyond shocked. I did ugly things to myself, asking and asking myself how can you possibly not answer ( there were no questions in the letter). I had horrible stories in mind, how the Letter never found him for one reason or another. One thing I did not do is text and ask whether he received it.

    2 months later we bumped into each other accidentally. His first words were: I received your letter. It was beautiful. Thank you for writing to me. He looked straight in my eyes. I saw he was deeply moved, very attracted to me and very intrigued. Up to this day my letter is not answered. I only thank whatever common sense I had left not to send follow up texts to ask if he got it.

    This is not your story and i applogize for taking your time to read it, but I wanted to share because it taught me that you get remembered both for what you do and do not say.



  176.  #176GingerSky on April 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Happy Birthday ((( Dominique ))) It`s my bff`s birthday too, as well as someone else`s I know (I think I told you that last year lol) Hope you`ve had a wonderful day!



  177.  #177Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Happy Birthday, Dominique! May this be the best year yet! <3



  178.  #178Starla on April 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    i really do feel like the healing and loving on myself that i’m doing is huge, and really really important. more important than quick reconciliation, even, for the best relationship possible with CF or anyone



  179.  #179Daria on April 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    LG – I noticed your resistance in the past to saying I love certain emotions.. and I notice now you have found a helpful thought to justify the merit of it :)… and I had an inspiration, something taking it even past the merit of the feelings being “deserving” for their role as friends and helpers in life 🙂

    It’s a CHOICE. THE CHOICE TO LOVE.

    The choice to love,

    whatever happens that feels out of my control, whatever i experience… i still have this FREE WILL. THIS CHOICE. It’s my divinity. Sometimes it feels small powerless, ineffective, does it really matter what I choose?

    And I can say it does… and what if it doesnt?

    No matter, I still HAVE THE CHOICE. FOR ME… it matters, It is MY CHOICE.

    The conscious part of me, the one I do have control over… what am I going to use it to choose, lil me the lil power one, who’s power is just this CHOICE

    What will i “put out there” ? What will I choose?

    And I CHOOSE to LOVE.

    As long as I know I can choose to LOVE… I know I am “safe” and I am “doing my best.”

    And magically, or logically, or theoretically, or practically, I will be babystepping to feeling better.

    Even if I get TSUNAMIED out by huge overwhelming feelings… If I choose to swim, I choose to breathe, I choose to heal, I choose to recreate and rebuild…

    I am really ALL POWERFUL with my tiny choice



  180.  #180Starla on April 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    one of the last things CF said to me before his email was that he wants us to chase each other. but then he took the ball back and went home. he’s as confused as i am.

    well, off to my date 😀



  181.  #181Daria on April 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Starla I love you too 🙂 and it feels so fun to laugh at your jokes! I was rollin at Godzilla picking up CF ignoring his screams … 😀 😀 😀



  182.  #182Sassy on April 12, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Starla, I don’t feel any of us want to confuse you.
    Do whatever feels right for you.



  183.  #183Daria on April 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Lama Butterfly – ready? this might not be what you want to hear…

    Rori is clear about not using the word “hurt” to describe a feeling…

    not using it just works better… in a LOT of ways that benefit YOU!

    internally and at the root of it, it’s because you CANNOT be hurt by someone else (physically is for another discussion though personally I do take it ‘that far’)

    it’s placing the responsibility – and the HONOR AND THE BEAUTY!!! – of you and your feelings on another

    and its juts not TRUE!! you own all the beauty honor and POWER of all your feelings!

    when we think we are ‘hurt’ by another being… theres actually a LOT going on under the surface…

    a LOT to explore! and it starts with looking at what we feel under what we label as “hurt”

    is it sad? powerless? angry?

    what does it FEEL like?

    is it heart tightening, is it knees softening, is it tears burning and nose tingling? is it hotness rising to the top of the head?

    when you get COMFORTABLE with exploring those feelings… you will be healing … healing OLD STUFF … stuff that has nothing to do with the present situation except that… the present situation is PRESENTING you with this pattern to your consciousness so you can take notice of it and HEAL IT!

    IT’s holding out it’s boo boo to you saying – Please heal me 🙁

    (the outward reason not to use the word ‘hurt’ is that since it’s essentially untrue, and spirit knows that, another being will not feel safe…their spirit will retract and not want to believe that they can hurt someone (cuz they can’t and it doesn’t feel good to believe that)… and they will “get DEFENSIVE” – they can get triggered and shut down if they’e not themselves aware/having a healed belief system enough to say to themselves “that’s not true that I can hurt them, I dont’ feel good hearing that, hmm this person saying that to me feels pain and I can feel compassion for them while letting them know it doesn’t feel good to be blamed/given responsibility for their pain”. )

    What’s going on with you is that you feel PAIN.

    And you’re attributing it to this woman BUT ITS REALLY ABOUT YOU and your beliefs and the way you are taking care of you out there!

    ***

    now to the boundries part. I would – after experimenting with this omg and lots of ICKY UGH feelings …

    NOT ADVISE YOU TO SAY TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS OR HOLD THE BELIEF THAT “it’s ok for her to CD him too”

    It works well for me, and was recommended to me by Rori, to not keep around a woman who is flirting with a man you LIKE that she knows you like.

    I am feeling a bit tightened up myself writing now – still working out the kinks on this one myself –

    Rori’s advise was to talk to her, let her know you feel uncomfortable and that you don’t want to have your friends flirting with a man you like…

    and then see what happens!



  184.  #184Healing Waterfall on April 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Hi Gingersky

    You will be okay! You are so good at feeling your feelings and I know you know that resisting the feelings makes them worse, so go ahead and let them come out….
    and let us know how you are feeling….
    i am sorry that you are having a tough time with it all…
    you will be okay…
    liz



  185.  #185Coco Kisses on April 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    This is a great article..LOVE IT!!! Really great advice.

    I am still feeling peaceful. I had a great day at work, and I feel proud of making people look and feel better at our threading salon!!!!

    Today during my break, I went to Costcos to buy a few things, and while I was there I removed my husband from my account. I did this because we are staring the process of removing each other from our accounts, which isn’t much, the car insurance, and cell phones.

    Anyways I did text him to let him know that I took him off the costco account. this is how the ext conversation went.

    Hey its me Candice….I hope you’re having a good day. I just wanted to let you know that I removed you from the Costco membership. I feel beter letting you know because I don’t want you to be surprised if you go to Cosco…take care and have agreat day, good luck on your tes Saturday.

    His reply: Thanks for letting me know…I guess i’s offical now…lol ”

    I replied: That feels weird, but yeah I guess so.

    He text back: it’s funny

    I replied: Itdoesn’t feel funny to me, it feels really sad

    his reply: No more T-Bones for me…..im poor now…lol

    Me: U ain’t poor….u will be making money soon, guess u have to stick to walmart now

    him: Funny
    at this point I stopped texting him, but he kept texting me

    him: I want a t-bone

    me: LOL….adam u r sooooo retarded

    him: get a pack

    him: grill them

    him: and call me

    then he sent me a 😛 face

    Me: adam stop bothering me with this foolishness (joking he knows how I am, so I know he knew I was joking)…lmbo, I’m a very busy and important woman making people beautiful bye, I will call u later (cause I thought he wanted me to call him later when he replied …And call me

    So after work I called him….he picked up right away.

    he’s like is every thing ok?

    I said yeah, I was jus calling you because u aske me to call u earlier.

    Him: oh no, that’s not what I meant, but it’s cool, how r u?

    We had an absolutely “Normal” conversation, as if we were sill together, however, he didn’t mention anything about our earlier conversation, he didn’t say anything about our pending divorce, he didn’t say aything abut getting back together. We just talked about his test on Saturday, and he asked what was going on with me, I told him that I invied friends over for dinner on Saturday…..the spirit of the conversaion was light, free, and easy…..all that was missing was, ok I’ll see u at home later on tonight.

    Even though I initiated the text, I don’t feel bad, because I had no real expectations.

    I do still miss my husband, and love him, it’s just sooo hard for me to believe hat he doesn’t FEEL ANYTHING at all for me, but maybe it’s true??? I don’t know…I’m going to just keep doing me.

    Speaking of between yeserday and today, I got approached by 2 men, both very handsome, and buff looking, but I majorly flopped because I just feel wrong about going out on a date. I noiced that when a man was trying to engage me, with eye conact, I quickly shyed away….I was like what is wrong with me. I feel confused…….I know that CDing is the key, since my husband and I separated I have been appraoched 5 times by men…and I know its because I am smiling, using feeling messages, and being very feminine and open.



  186.  #186Healing Waterfall on April 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    hi!
    happy birthday to dominique!

    i wanted to report that i totally leaned back today and also i am in a completely different place today….

    lk, you will be happy to know that i have arrived to a place where i just know that my boundaries are more important to me than getting more hugs and kisses….somehow during meditation, it all shifted….

    i feel really strong about it and i feel really good that i want sex only if crush is available, not hoping that it will cause him to break up with her….

    i just woke up feeling this way and felt it in my bones….probably because i talked to dominique and because of reading this blog and doing some really amazing meditations….i have arrived at a healthier place….so bring it on universe, i want an AVAILABLE CD…..

    i did a love tarot online reading and it said i was going to go through a solitary period first (I got the hermit) and that makes sense, I am processing some interesting stuff about my mother and as i am releasing that, it is allowing me to be comfortable making boundaries….
    and the last card in the reading was the lovers!!!!Hooray, i just want to be having lots of good sex soon in a safe loving nurturing way….oh yeah and all the other good stuff too, dinners, walks, talks, you know….
    this life is amazing, isn’t it? and my journey has been incredible….and i will be in much better ownership of my space soon….

    well, my internet is down at home, so i have been not on much the past few days and i am popping on after teaching….so have a great night everyone!
    thanks



  187.  #187Memulo on April 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Starla,

    I’m at the airport waiting for my flight.. I once wrote a Letter to a guy. Handwriting on a beautiful stationary, I still have a sample of it secretly. It was a masterpiece. It was light, funny, sincere and soo loving. I mailed it. I counted days till he might have received it (he lives 10 mins away, walking distance). He never wrote back. I was beyond shocked. I did ugly things to myself, asking and asking myself how can you possibly not answer ( there were no questions in the letter). I had horrible stories in mind, how the Letter never found him for one reason or another. One thing I did not do is text and ask whether he received it.

    2 months later we bumped into each other accidentally. His first words were: I received your letter. It was beautiful. Thank you for writing to me. He looked straight in my eyes. I saw he was deeply moved, very attracted to me and very intrigued. Up to this day my letter is not answered. I only thank whatever common sense I had left not to send follow up texts to ask if he got it.

    This is not your story and i applogize for taking your time to read it, but I wanted to share because it taught me that you get remembered both for what you do and do not say



  188.  #188Healing Waterfall on April 12, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Cocokisses
    it sounds like you are doing great!
    and next time you get approached by a buff man, ground, breathe and engage him
    have fun

    i never get approached by a man, so i think it is so cool you do, but i am older than you…

    and i noticed when i was eating out at my local coop, i stared out the window alot….

    so once i saw myself doing that, i started looking at the guys in the room..

    .it felt like an improvement, and a younger guy checked me out a couple times, hooray, but no opportunities for a five second stare.

    i definitely look 10 years younger than i am on a good day, so i am still pretty passable for being attractive…

    .it’s just that literally from the time i was in college till now, i have never been single, so it is a completely different mindset to project out to the world, hey i am available and hot!



  189.  #189Healing Waterfall on April 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    Memulo
    Once i wrote a letter to a guy and i told him how much i felt for him. I was married at the time.

    I was so embarrassed I sent it. It was totally inappropriate. He never wrote back to me.

    But he was really, really touched by the letter.

    It was so unsireny. I actually went out with him for awhile after my divorce and it was a disaster. He had a lot of feminine energy and i was in masculine energy.



  190.  #190lilybelly on April 12, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Starla~

    I have been reading you the last couple days (I always read you…:-) ) and two things struck me..

    1. he may be taking whatever time he feels necessary to respond, much like you did, and it may take some time..

    2. Per the advice I was given by dominque when t and I went our separate ways…don’t reach out to him. May I encourage you to go to Dominique’s website and read the article on “Dealing with the pain of a break-up” (I just re-read my story…owwie, that hurt…)

    I don’t know if you’ll read this but wanted you to know i’ve been thinking about you.



  191.  #191Luzydel on April 12, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I am trusting my instincts; there was this guy that i was talking to, for some reason he gave me this weird feeling’ last Saturday I canceled a date on him, because I was feeling unsettled about him in some way. I don’t know it is something that doesn’t make me feel safe, so until I find out why I feel this way, I wont meet him in person.

    Tomorrow, I’m going to fist date in months with a guy who seems to be much like me…simple, laid back and honest…I feel comfortable…



  192.  #192Jennifer on April 12, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    my brother is setting me up with a guy from his work. He gave the guy my phone number for a coffee date only. Cause the guy is married.
    What the hell is it with me a married guys? Um hello, universe? YOU GOT MY ORDER WRONG!!!! I said Marriage-able men…not MARRIED men. dumbass.
    N my bowen therapy client. Was showing me his foot the other day, to explain a toe nail issue he has. He suddenly grabbed my foot (sans socks and shoes) to further explain and then slipped his finger between my great and second toes. DUUUUDE. Ya wanna play footsies? Go find your baby mamma….you know, the one that you LIVE with!?!?!?!?



  193.  #193Sun Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    LP has checked into three places in the past five days. The checking in doesn’t bother me so much as the fact that he doesn’t like to be tagged or check in with me yet he is being tagged and checked in with now. How can I change this or make myself feel better about this?



  194.  #194Sun Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    ANcd booked up my Wednesday night for next week!



  195.  #195GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    FW @146

    Yes, he is good at letting things sit and then acting like it never happened. In my mind, there really isn’t anything to let sit.

    I won’t be predictable anymore (if I was) because I’m changing a few things. What I meant though is he knows I hate confrontations and he knows I overanalyze. However, I’ve decided I’m no longer going to overanalyze because it does nobody any good. Especially me when I’m consumed with my thoughts.

    Tomorrow, after work, I’m going to see if I can find a pretty skirt to buy. I only own a jean skirt and I would like others now that the weather is getting warmer.



  196.  #196Sun Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    Wow, what an interesting twist of events!
    LP texted and called and I didn’t answer right away because I was dealing with a situation that happened earlier with my son. I called him back and he invite me over to his place. I can’t even remember the last time he invited me over! He wanted to fix my issue from earlier and told me to call upon him if anything like this ever happens again. I told him that we weren’t like that anymore so I didn’t feel right doing that and he said that we were solid and he doesn’t want anyone else and if we ever have a problem we could work through it. He even made solid plans for tomorrow night. I’m so thrown off by all of this.



  197.  #197Rose on April 12, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    #162 Laughing Goddess ooh yes thank you for this reminder, this so resonates with me right now in all aspects of life..

    Thank you negative emotions and feelings of overwhelm and anxiety for making me conscious of what I want turn around yes yes



  198.  #198Rose on April 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    hmm thinking today of how I my relationship with my own father has changed for the better..

    I was blown away easter, he brought me beautiful lilies and little gifts..and I felt like wow and I felt so appreciative and happy and it genuinely felt good to be taken care of by him in some way..
    Haven’t felt like that for as long as I can remember..

    Its amazing because it happened when I dropped all expectations of what I think he “should be doing” or focusing on what I “never get”



  199.  #199GivingGirl on April 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    @Sun Goddess – that sounds like he’s willing to fight for you. Does this make you happy?



  200.  #200Sun Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    GivingGirl,

    Yes, but I still feel skeptical.



  201.  #201sunshine on April 12, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Rori says “be open and warm even if you feel upset inside” when advising this girl but I feel very confused. I thought that a feeling siren is opens and says how she feels no mantter if the feeling is “positive” or “negative” as long as there is no name calling or blaming him. For example if this girl says “I feel angry” …do we not say “I feel angry” ? Im confused please anyone explain if Im missing something



  202.  #202Sun Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I’m starting to realize and accept that I am the majority of our problems. I’m not saying he doesn’t do anything wrong, but rather I jump to conclusions and make assumptions that are usually far greater than the tiny issue that there is (if any).



  203.  #203Brandylion on April 12, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Hello sirens,

    This is my first post, but I’ve been reading the blog off and on since January 2011. I feel awestruck at your collective wisdom. I did a lot of healing in the early months of last year, largely assisted by reading your comments about Rori’s work. I’m still at a stage of needing practice just being in a relationship (I’m 30 and have had two relationships ever, in addition to a number of casual dates I can count on one hand), so I started dating a really great guy exclusively last summer.

    He broke up with me almost four weeks ago, and I have been leaning back as much as possible. (We are both teachers, and his classes comprise a comparison group for a research project I’m conducting with three others for our master’s degrees; thus, we have had some contact regarding his data.) He still creeps into my thoughts whenever I’m not thoroughly engrossed in and concentrating on something else. We had such a good friendship, and I miss talking to him about the interests we have in common. When he dumped me, he said that “we neither one want to cut the other out of our lives,” and he has since written that he thought “keeping some distance for now” was the best way for both of us to move on.

    I don’t anticipate or want a romantic reconciliation–the things that made us incompatible for building a life together are fundamental differences that are integral parts of who we are, and I want a man whose values are more similar to mine–but I still feel this hope that he will rekindle an actual friendship. I didn’t do the calling in our relationship, so I won’t be the one to pursue it. It was a long-distance relationship, so I know I’m never going to see him again, and I feel so sad about that.

    I don’t feel good holding out this hope. It is definitely draining my energy away from feeling ready to re-enable and revise my online dating profiles, and I realize that circular dating is exactly what I need to be doing. I’m still taking care of myself, going to my weekly belly dance class and training for a marathon in May, but these and my job and research are not enough of a distraction.

    Any advice? Or will it just be the weeks and weeks of no contact that will finally help me let him go?



  204.  #204Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Daria: I’ve noticed that Rori’s recommendations about not making our man wrong are so relevant in my life. Really the only problems that come up in my relationship are when I make him wrong.

    I notice that I felt so tensed up reading your post to me. I felt subtly made wrong in the beginning of it and then I felt unable to even digest the gem that I’m sure what in there.

    I feel intrigued and humbled when my own stuff is mirrored back to me. I feel appreciative of the learning experience there. I feel committed to finding ways to communicate that don’t push the other person away but implying, even subtly, that they are wrong.



  205.  #205Lizka on April 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Eeeeeee sirens!!

    I feel so excited to get home and tell you about my day!

    A new car… And a new date!!

    I’m too excited to be patient and type on my phone so as soon as I get home I’ll give you all the details!!

    Haha Turquoise you were right when you said “who knows who you’re gonna meet at the car dealership.”



  206.  #206Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Rose: I feel elated that someone found my musings helpful. It feels great to make a positive contribution in someone’s life, no matter how small it is.

    I feel really curious and happy to hear about your dad. I have been feeling really down about my relationship with my mom. I feel hopeful that by dropping “all expectations of what I think he “should be doing” or focusing on what I “never get”” things could change.

    I would love to hear more about this if you feel inspired to share.



  207.  #207Queenbee on April 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    It’s so interesting how love can just happen. I truly used to believe this and so I never paid it much attention. Always focusing on my career… partly loving my passion any in part probably using my work as a barrier to being emotionally available.

    I felt freaked out reading VFC’s post about what to do to actually get a relationship. And the whole Love on Purpose telesummit coming up… busting the myth that love happens by accident.

    I feel like a fool, coz I’ve gotten to the point where I feel painfully alone. I feel grateful for all the work I’ve done on myself, the healing and Rori tools have made things clear and I feel more confident and able to hold my own with a man.

    At the same time, it all feels so unfair. I find myself thinking a lot about my Ex. He was the perfect man in many ways… granted I didn’t know how to be in a relationship with him. Whether he was the right one for me or not who knows…. I just find myself reminiscing and I feel so sad.

    It’s been a year, and I’d have to say I’m obsessed with HAman. He always comes back, but never the way he pursued me in the beginning. It breaks my heart, coz I know I pushed him away.

    Somewhere deep down I want to believe Rori when she says a relationship can change on a dime, but secretly I believe that I can’t make it happen. If I could, it would have happened by now.

    And now I feel even more lonely and hopeless in love. I finally put up a profile, though I picked a country that I visit and not my current one to protect my identity.

    I feel unapproachable. I can’t seem to meet/ find a man. That’s my unconscious sabotage.

    I may be pining over HAman simply because I can’t find a replacement that excites me half as much.

    I fear being alone for a very long time. I feel physically wanting a relationship… and now I’m at the point of crying myself to sleep.

    I think about this ALL the time! I don’t know how much more I can take. I feel like giving up… .

    I don’t know what to do.

    Sirens, please help?

    Thank you!!

    xoxo



  208.  #208Queenbee on April 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Happy Birthday Goddess Dominique!!



  209.  #209Starla on April 12, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    lillybelly, thank you for your post to me. I hope you’re not worrying about me. I am really okay… i think it’s just a rough few days and then i’ll be on my way:)
    ————————-
    i really do think i’ll keep leaning back. i am feeling really good about this time to myself, to think and feel and create and fall in love with myself. the next time i’m falling for someone, whether it’s with CF again or another guy, it will be even better because I took advantage of this time.

    I really do wonder if he ever read the email, though. i should just assume yes. Although I wonder if he’s avoiding it, thinking there is a world of drama and hurt waiting for him in his inbox? There certainly isn’t though:D. I feel embarrassed for myself and sorry for him that he is prone to expect that from people and that I fed right into his fears with my behavior.

    My therapist said last night that if I wanted, maybe down the line, if he never responds, I can just let him know that i can see he doesn’t want to talk and that i respect that and i’m open to it when he’s ready.



  210.  #210Lizka on April 12, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Sooooo!!

    I spent all day going from car dealerships to car dealerships and trying cars and compare prices with my mom.

    I found one car that I liked a lot, very good price and everything.

    So I remembered this guy, you remember, old CD from 5 years ago who wanted me to go on a cruise with him a few weeks ago?

    To make a long story short, I was dating this guy in 2006 and he was pretty nice. Older than me, pretty stable, has his own company… he has TWO car dealerships!! And he was stepping up in the time and was pretty serious guy and recently, he tried to invite me on dates but we just couldn’t make it happen for different reason.He invited me twice for dinner,and once to go ski. I didn’t say no, but at that time, it was impossible to do it.

    So he has this dealership of this brand of car I wanted to buy. So I called him. This is not leaning forward because I wanted a car, not a date.

    He seemed happy and surprised to talk to me and said sure,come over, I’ll introduce you to the nicest sales guy and I’ll give you the best price possible.

    And hedidit. I have a crazy price,and he gave me all the accessories for almost free, AC, teinted glass, etc!

    AND……….. He said two times that we HAVE to go for dinner as soon as possible and he was looking at me very deeply and all the sales guy were doing so and I was happy to be a super siren and to CD them all while I was buying my car!!

    So tomorrow I’m gonna know if I was accepted for the credit (shouldn’t have any problem) and I will have a new car next week!!! And possibly a new date…



  211.  #211Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Daria: I went back and reread your post because I wanted to be able to absorb the gem even if I felt turned off by the tone…and thank you! I feel happy to be reminded that I have a choice in how I react and the meaning I apply to any given situation.

    It reminds me of something Anthony Robbins says

    Our destiny is formed by our decisions (paraphrase)

    I feel powerful knowing that I get to choose.



  212.  #212Starla on April 12, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Queenbee, hi!! the thing that definitely jumped out at me about your post is that it is steeped in fear. I am almost certain this is what stops things from changing on a dime, basically every single time, so what you say about it being sabotage is right on, in my opinion.

    i have taken up the exercise of relentlessly loving on myself..i mean really committing to it. It is becoming more and more a permanent state of mind for me, every day a little bit more…

    but you have to really really make it your number 1 objective, to always talk sweet to yourself and be there for you and love yourself like how you would want another person to. and when you get sad that it isn’t another person loving on you, that it’s just you, you comfort yourself and tell yourself that it’s okay, you deserve to feel love especially from yourself.. and you catch yourself when you are stuck in beating yourself up or feeling afraid, and you love on yourself and tell yourself it’s okay, you love you no matter what.

    and just keep talking to yourself like an amazing loved one would.

    does that make sense?

    this has been the most powerful tool i ever used.

    aww ((((((((starla))))))))))))) sweet girl, you’re doing such a nice job making yourself important.



  213.  #213Lizka on April 12, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Lol I don’t know if I’m more excited about the brand new car or about this (not so) brand new step up guy who wants to date me!!!



  214.  #214Queenbee on April 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Starla and Coco Kisses – you are both doing so well. I feel so inspired and hopeful reading your processes.so

    Hi jilly – so great to read how well things are going for you 🙂

    Hi Daria, FW, Turquoise and all the Sirens I haven’t connected with in the past.

    Thank you blog for being there to help me through this.

    xoxo



  215.  #215Queenbee on April 12, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Hi Starla,
    Thank you! Wow, that helps.

    “…you deserve to feel love especially from yourself.. ”

    You are so right. I love myself, but I’ve not gone deep into loving on myself as you say – and especially in this area. I get that I’m subconsciously beating myself up for it being just me.

    Thank you!

    xoxo



  216.  #216lk on April 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    @Sun Goddess

    There Are No Villains – Not Even Him When He Hurts You

    & Not Even You ?

    : )))



  217.  #217Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Wow, I’m feeling really inspired by this revelation I’m having about how it feels to be made wrong.

    When I look at this post to me, I notice that it’s the beginning part, the YOU’s and YOUR’s that I feel turned off by. Just like Rori’s says!!!! This is so cool! I feel happy to be learning this lesson on a deeper level.

    And then the rest of it, that has I’s in it and not YOU’s feels just fine to me.

    Wow, I feel so much more understanding now.

    ************

    LG – I noticed your resistance in the past to saying I love certain emotions.. and I notice now you have found a helpful thought to justify the merit of it … and I had an inspiration, something taking it even past the merit of the feelings being “deserving” for their role as friends and helpers in life

    It’s a CHOICE. THE CHOICE TO LOVE.

    The choice to love,

    whatever happens that feels out of my control, whatever i experience… i still have this FREE WILL. THIS CHOICE. It’s my divinity. Sometimes it feels small powerless, ineffective, does it really matter what I choose?

    And I can say it does… and what if it doesnt?

    No matter, I still HAVE THE CHOICE. FOR ME… it matters, It is MY CHOICE.

    The conscious part of me, the one I do have control over… what am I going to use it to choose, lil me the lil power one, who’s power is just this CHOICE

    What will i “put out there” ? What will I choose?

    And I CHOOSE to LOVE.

    As long as I know I can choose to LOVE… I know I am “safe” and I am “doing my best.”

    And magically, or logically, or theoretically, or practically, I will be babystepping to feeling better.

    Even if I get TSUNAMIED out by huge overwhelming feelings… If I choose to swim, I choose to breathe, I choose to heal, I choose to recreate and rebuild…

    I am really ALL POWERFUL with my tiny choice

    I committed to using less YOU’s and more I’s in my communications.

    *********

    LG – I noticed your resistance in the past to saying I love certain emotions.. and I notice now you have found a helpful thought to justify the merit of it … and I had an inspiration, something taking it even past the merit of the feelings being “deserving” for their role as friends and helpers in life

    It’s a CHOICE. THE CHOICE TO LOVE.

    The choice to love,

    whatever happens that feels out of my control, whatever i experience… i still have this FREE WILL. THIS CHOICE. It’s my divinity. Sometimes it feels small powerless, ineffective, does it really matter what I choose?

    And I can say it does… and what if it doesnt?

    No matter, I still HAVE THE CHOICE. FOR ME… it matters, It is MY CHOICE.

    The conscious part of me, the one I do have control over… what am I going to use it to choose, lil me the lil power one, who’s power is just this CHOICE

    What will i “put out there” ? What will I choose?

    And I CHOOSE to LOVE.

    As long as I know I can choose to LOVE… I know I am “safe” and I am “doing my best.”

    And magically, or logically, or theoretically, or practically, I will be babystepping to feeling better.

    Even if I get TSUNAMIED out by huge overwhelming feelings… If I choose to swim, I choose to breathe, I choose to heal, I choose to recreate and rebuild…

    I am really ALL POWERFUL with my tiny choice
    **********



  218.  #218Starla on April 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    lizka, bam! the universe delivered. lucky lizka:)

    it reminds me of me thinking a couple weeks ago, ‘i really need some help getting motivated to work out and finding time to do it with work and everything.’

    and then this (my age/cute) guy i’ve never actually talked to that always smiles at me when he jogs past me on a run as I’m leaving the office, says “hello!” one day, and i say hello back. and he stops! and he introduces himself and gives me a card, and points to the property next to my office building and says he owns the gym there, and that i can come work out there for free and take his classes for a couple of weeks if I want.

    i felt flattered but a little weird being invited to train with him in some hidden gym i didn’t even know existed next to my office, so I went home and looked up his business online and saw these reviews about how enthusiastic and positive he is about fitness, and what a great personal trainer he is! he really sounds great and like a personal trainer i would seek out myself. but i felt scared and embarrassed to take him up on his gift when I am kind of out of shape right now and get tired really fast, so I hadn’t called him for the free classes yet.

    And then yesterday when I was going for a walk, he was putting a sign outside his business and I said hello as i walked by, and he invited me in for a tour and told me all about classes there and made me feel really comfortable and not ashamed of being out of shape, and it is very obvious that he is not a sleazebag at all either. he is just really nerdy about being positive and about fitness. LOVE IT!

    and then best of all, he told me that if I was willing to come to the class, there was one other person who wants to do a lunchtime bootcamp class so I can actually get my workout in DURING the workday.

    the universe really delivered!! thank you universe!!

    i’ll start going to the gym on monday, eeee i feel nervous to exercise. i feel scared i am going to be really bad at it and i will frustrate him.



  219.  #219lk on April 12, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    LIZKA !!!!!!!

    wow ! that sounds amazing!! : )) enjoy your sweet new ride : ))))))))



  220.  #220lk on April 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    starla, the gym sounds like so much fun



  221.  #221Luzydel on April 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    @206

    I do believe love happens by chance, you just have to give the chance…

    You cannot make someone love you, you cannot make anyone fall in love with you. All you can do is be out there living your live, smiling and being open to men and give them the chance hen the talk to you.

    I don’t like dating advice that says you have to do something, to get love etc. You cannot control love it just happens. The only love you can be certain is the love you give yourself, the rest is chance.



  222.  #222Starla on April 12, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    my date with alaska was good. it felt therapeutic. i actually do like him, but really as a drinking buddy and fellow miserable person. there is a part of me that connects with him there, but it’s just one little part and not the big picture of health and luck and abundance that feels good to me.

    on the train home with him, i ran into an old volunteer from my last job, and she was just a stellar volunteer and really great, and alaska knows what my job was there so it was definitely understandable to him when i just talked to her for the whole ride home.

    at first i wanted to ditch her. i was feeling lonely and wanted male attention (from alaska) and i had consumed a beer (lol, don’t laugh at my lightweightedness).

    but it is a good thing she was there. thank you, universe. i don’t need to be getting tipsy and seeking needy comfort (even though he’d welcome it) from guys like alaska. thank the universe for sending her our way.

    i wouldn’t have “done” anything with him, but I just wanted someone to put their arm around me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. To see that I need a hug and give me one. and i was tipsy so it could have turned into too much or a huge mixed signal to him, or who knows.

    but the bottom line is it would have come from a very very very needy place, which is a ‘bad’ sign.

    and seeing the volunteer and her bright smile and remembering old times made me feel really lit up and smiley. that was true connection and it felt good. longer lasting than drunkenly pursuing attention from alaska. and then i would have just felt weird too.

    and now i’m home safe and sound and feeling grateful and safe and honored and okay.



  223.  #223Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Now what I wonder about is how do I respond when someone says something that feels like it is making me wrong.

    I know that when the situation is reversed, and Sweetie feels made wrong by me, I want him to be more understanding and less sensitive… like, can you just look past your hurt feelings and hear what I am trying to say?

    But now I see that it can feel really challenging to hear what someone has to say once one feels made wrong. I had to really work with my triggered feelings for a bit in this situation to finally be able to hear.

    So what would I say in the future when I am being made wrong.

    maybe…I’m noticing that I’m having a hard time hearing your message because I don’t want to be made wrong.

    What if Sweetie says that to me?

    Oh, I feel so sad to hear that. I don’t want to make you wrong. I know how bad that can feel. I feel relieved that you shared that with me so that I can try a different way of communicating.

    hmmmm, feels kind of clunky.

    try again….

    him: defensive defensive defensive, You are making me wrong

    me: Oooooh, I know how bad that can feel and
    I don’t want to do that. I’d like to rescind that and re-express. What do you think?

    him: I guess, as long as you don’t make me wrong.

    me: …Stick with the I’s and not the You’s

    I almost want to make him wrong just to practice..haha!



  224.  #224Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Yay Starla! I feel so happy when I hear manifestation stories like you and the gym.

    And Lizka with the car…awesome! Congratulations

    I feel in awe of how creative the universe is when she lines things up.

    I intend to be more trusting that even when I can’t see how everything is going to line up and just trust that it will.



  225.  #225Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Gingersky: Sending hugs! In my experience, self-love is the way out. xoxo



  226.  #226Turquoise on April 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    It’s been a long day. I stayed home with my little one, neither of us feeling well. C called this morning, sounding so pleased. It’s so nice to hear that in his voice. I am still feeling teary at times, but ok with my tears. My headache is gone, so that feels like a huge relief.

    I’ve been thinking about the universe boxes, and wondering what would happen if we ask for things we shouldn’t have. Will the universe send it anyways, or would it just not appear?



  227.  #227Turquoise on April 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    Ohio texted me tonight, to tell me he’d had a long day and had just gotten home. We exchanged a few texts and he said he’d talk to me tomorrow. Maybe my vibe will be up and I’ll feel like talking to him tomorrow.



  228.  #228Lucy on April 12, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Hi Laughing Goddess. 🙂 Thank you for what you wrote about being made wrong.

    That seems to be a huge part of the problems in my relationship — except it is him making *me* wrong. And, as you said, it is language full of “you” and “your.”

    Rori’s article sounds like my situation but in reverse – he is like Laura and I am more like her guy. And, like him, I don’t want to be around someone who keeps making me wrong.

    That’s all I want that I’m not getting — to not be made wrong and blamed.



  229.  #229Lizka on April 12, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Ahh thank you girls for your energetic comments!! Please send positive energy to my credit rating so I can buy this beautiful princess car and I don’t have to feel humiliated in feont of the new CD. Lol that would be weird… So big positive energy please!!!



  230.  #230Lucy on April 12, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    LG,

    This is just how my guy feels toward me–> “I want him [that is, me] to be more understanding and less sensitive… like, can you just look past your hurt feelings and hear what I am trying to say?”



  231.  #231Lucy on April 12, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    When I express that I don’t want to be made wrong, he doesn’t respond in a way that feels good to me.

    He says, “I’m not making you wrong.”

    🙁



  232.  #232Lizka on April 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I’d like to stay on the blog and read and comment, but I have a crazy headache and almost feel nauseous. Maybe because I’m having my periods… Dunno.

    So my bed feels so comfortable and I just want to go sleep and so tomorrow is gonna come faster and I’m gonna have the (hopefully) good news for my car.

    You know what?! With all this, I have almost not think about ATW and what I’m going to do sofor now I’m not doig anything and it feels good like this. I don’t have time to decide if i’m going to keep him or not! How ironic!! But it’s a good ironic!

    Later, when the excitement of the new car & new CDs goes down, I’ll think of letting him go.



  233.  #233Lizka on April 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    Good night lively sirens!!! xoxo



  234.  #234Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    some really phenomenal bands are playing a show on Tuesday and I forgot all about it, but now I’m listening to their music and talking to my buddy about how awesome it’s going to be, and i feel soooo excited… this is the good stuff in life. following my passions feels amazing.

    really impressing myself with how well i have been doing and how my life and well being aren’t suffering. this is such new territory, and it feels freeing to see how my feelings can be pure and true, but they can also be sort of separate from me at the same time. having those intense feelings doesn’t mean abandoning myself any more. yay good job starla, keep it up



  235.  #235Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Hmmm, Lucy. I feel hopeful that you are able to navigate through this. Is he open at all to acknowledging that he could speak in a less blaming way?



  236.  #236Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    or better yet, improving his communication skills?

    Maybe it could become a team effort where you learn relationship skills together.

    Sweetie and I have been doing that. We are studying and learning about relationships together. We are reading from a few different sources and then doing the exercises.

    I find that this makes it less personal and it also gives us an understanding that what we are experiencing is quite normal in relationships and that we can learn new skills to change it.



  237.  #237Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    I’ve noticed in myself, and in other people as well, that I tend to think that our relationship problems mean we aren’t a good match. But then when I read these relationship books, I see that our problems are quite common and it gives me hope. Maybe we aren’t broken, maybe we just need to make some slight adjustments and everything will feel wonderful…until the next thing comes up.

    And then we will keep learning and growing until it all becomes effortless.



  238.  #238Turquoise on April 12, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Lizka,
    Yeah for a new car and a new date!~!

    I can barely keep my eyes open, heading to bed. Goodnight~



  239.  #239Daria on April 12, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    im feeling holy!



  240.  #240Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Thank you, Starla, for getting me out of bed this morning and getting me dressed and putting some calories in my body. I never get up until the last second and this felt so much nicer.
    Thank you for putting nice make up on me:)
    Thank you for loving my curly, crazy hair!
    Thank you for taking me to the river today.
    Thank you for meditating
    Thank you for walking slow
    Thank you for accepting that social invitation because i needed to be around people but sometimes get too shy or self conscious to follow through.
    Thank you for leaving when I was ready to go home.
    Thank you for drinking water all day
    Thank you for eating carrots
    Thank you for only eating half that burger because any more would have stuffed me sick.

    You are really good to me. Even when you’re down in the dumps, you really try your hardest to make sure I am taken care of. Starla, you are amazing for this. I am lucky to have you. ((((((((Starla))))))))))))



  241.  #241Daria on April 12, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    my thunderstorm has come to please me



  242.  #242Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Okay, I’m feeling some doubt and suspicion creep in. Sweetie is out with his friends and he invited me, but I wasn’t feeling like going. We actually have been spending so much time together and I was happy that we would have some time apart. It just feels good to do that every once in a while.

    But now it’s getting late and I’m feeling weird and uncomfortable. This is such a rare occurrence for us. He rarely stays out late like this.

    I’m noticing that I want to lean forward and text to ask when he will be coming home.

    Oooooooh, do I really want to do that?

    Maybe I’ll sit with it for a bit and see how I feel

    This is normally not an issue for us and I feel unsure of how to react.

    I feel tense, tight, concerned, worried, scared.

    I love those feelings! Yes, they let me know I am out of alignment.

    Okay, so I will focus on getting in alignment with myself and then I will magically know what to do.



  243.  #243Starla on April 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Oh yeah, and thank you for doing all that work for me at work today. You did a really great job and are making the boss very happy with you. You really do great at your job, and can tackle anything step-by-step.



  244.  #244Lucy on April 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    LG, thanks for responding. I feel very discouraged about it and we are more or less breaking up over it (I told him I can’t handle it any more.)

    He just thinks I am being over-sensitive and seeing blame where there is none because I have blame issues. 🙁

    I do have blame issues, and have owned that — and I would love to be able to continue to heal them while having him be less blaming.

    But he doesn’t seem to want to do anything on his end of it.

    He has studied communication and relationship skills for many years and knows all about non-violent communication etc…..

    and we have read some books recently

    yet he just doesn’t see that he is making me wrong, doing “you” and “your” etc.

    I don’t know what else to do… we have pretty much exhausted everything I know to do….

    and I am ready to walk away, but unsure if I can do so because I really love him

    but it is too painful to keep being made wrong (especially when he seems angry to me — which he says he is not angry when it seems to me that he is…. seems very similar to Rori’s article).

    Thanks for listening and caring, Laughing Goddess. I am feeling hopeless… no, not completely hopeless… but it seems it would take a miracle…



  245.  #245Laughing Goddess on April 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Okay, I just checked my phone and it’s dead. He probably texted and I didn’t know because it’s dead. It takes a while to charge, so we’ll see what’s going on in a minute.

    Either way, I’m not gonna freak out and abandon myself.

    Ooooh, and this will be a great opportunity to practice not making him wrong! Just what I was asking for



  246.  #246Lucy on April 12, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Laughing Goddess, I am feeling curious and caring about how things turned out with your sweetie and his night out. Hoping things are fine. <3



  247.  #247GingerSky on April 12, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    #224 (( LG )) Thank you. #236 I really like what you said here:)



  248.  #248GingerSky on April 12, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    #162 LG This too. I feel a smile come into my constricted little heart from this. I love you, heart. (tears come) I love NSM. I love this community. I love me & my overwhelm… /deep sigh of some relief/ aaaaah raaaaah aaaggg I`m unhappy, but I`m alive.



  249.  #249pipsqueak on April 13, 2012 at 12:02 am

    Hi all.
    I’m pretty new here, I’ve posted a few times before but here we go, same old pattern.
    I met a guy, he’s crazy for me, we start dating and within a month or two I start liking him and showing more interest and he turns around and runs away.. uggh
    Only this time the guy moved in with me and now tells me he isn’t attracted to me anymore.
    I can actually tell that he wants to be and that he thinks I’m awesome and he wants to hang out with me all the time but the thing is he never wants to be physical. Well now and again he does but rarely. He loves cuddling me and he does have issues with his libido and I’m happy to wait but he doesn’t want to kiss me and turns his head if I try to kiss him and it just hurts so much.
    When I ask him whats going on he tells me he;s sorry but he just doesn’t feel like he wants to be physical with me.
    This is driving me nuts and I do get angry with him and tell him to go away and leave me alone, that if he doesn’t want to be with me let me get on with my life. But then he tells me he does want to be with me and he’s really confused and doesn’t want to loose me .. ugghhh
    Also he has some health issues so I’ve been kinda taking care of him to some degree and I feel like I’ve dug myself a grave ..
    We just signed a 8 month lease together and I’m not sure what to do.
    I have to say I haven’t been getting on with my life or seeing my friends and I know I nned to in order to change this but i feel guilty to leave him alone for so long when he’s depressed..
    I’m certainly not unattractive in fact I tend to have a lot of men interested in me although most are older than me but I am generally a confident person..
    HELP !!!



  250.  #250Sun Goddess on April 13, 2012 at 1:08 am

    Yeah Lizka!!!!



  251.  #251Sun Goddess on April 13, 2012 at 1:16 am

    lk,

    I am the one who caused us to mbe like we are today. Maybe we needed to appreciate one another more. Maybe it is for the best in the long run, but I’m always the one doing the pushing away. I feel like I want to do that again because I’m afraid to be hurt again. Now that I know that I do it, maybe I can stop doing it before I start…. Just not sure how to stop.



  252.  #252Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 2:18 am

    Turquoise, the Universe will deliver whatever you’re subconsciously vibrationally aligned with.

    And of course, being too attached to the outcome doesn’t help either.

    I think it’s also better to ask for a “perfect relationship for me” or something like that, rather than “a relationship with X”.

    xxx



  253.  #253Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 2:19 am

    Woohoo Lizka! You go girl! xxx



  254.  #254Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:26 am

    Hey sirens… my whole spiritual revolution happening right now all started when i watched this video.

    I started to do what the lady was saying she was doing “move the way the body naturally wants to” and then im just been jerking around since. and now i can change my beliefs on the spot. ive been shifting my beliefs about rape tonite and feeling some very deep sad beautiful feelings. i love me

    and i realize i “have to” forgive rape cuz thats waht was making me feel sad.

    and also cuz otherwise i couldnt forgive myself for having fantasiez of raping pepole or having even THOUGHT that and been able to identifiy wit it for a second

    so I feel all unknotting righting that

    and then i realzied i have to forgive abusers because

    i want to FORGIVE MYSELF FOR ABUSING MYSELF

    and treating myself bad and worthless OMG! right?? :0

    so then i shifted and forgave all that and ive been “jerking” which is waht been happening around belief shift work

    and allt his got strate d when they said the supreme court passed a law that all citizzens can be strip serached by police even for a minor infraction such as not stopping at a stop sign! what?

    i feel mad about that now and i got over the horrible feeling about rape

    now i want to shfit this stuff about being mad at “the government”

    im undergoing a spritual transformation yall

    i feel like im doing something BIG

    I want yall to do it too !!



  255.  #255Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 2:29 am

    I have an “interesting” situation with TH right now. It’s not feeling bad, but I am thinking that something’s got to change before it does go bad.

    This morning he commented that we were “semi-married” because we’re basically living together and said some things that indicated that things were much less “exciting” than they were when we lived separately (is he feeling bored maybe?).

    So he kind of said something about going to stay at his house more often. I responded saying that I would not be cooking him dinner and bringing it over to him, but that it was totally up to him what he does (this was all said in a lighthearted way – and I wasn’t feeling bad at all during this conversation). And he wasn’t so thrilled at the thought!

    I usually cook dinner (although he often does), and it’s usually while he’s working, so I know some of you will say I’m overfunctioning, but I say that I’m just cooking myself dinner and there’s plenty left for him. I’m certainly not going out of my way for him where dinner is concerned. He always pays when we go out for dinner too.

    So… it seems things need to be “spiced up” a little and I think that comes down to the unpredictability Rori (or another relationship coach???) talks about.

    But what can I do that’s unpredictable???

    I know he thinks with his peni$ a bit (high s*x drive), so when the kids are away, I can see myself slipping into some sexy lingerie and heels when he’s not looking and just go about my day/night as though nothing is different… He will absolutely LOVE that!

    I’m also conscious of overfunctioning too, so don’t want to go too far with this – but I do think doing little things like this will help.

    What do you all think? Dominique? What do you do with K to keep things “spicey”???

    I need ideas! 🙂



  256.  #256Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:31 am

    oh by “jerking” i mean my body literally jerks. like a chicken. or an excorcism. for real. its like a dance move gone wild. sp tjos happens spontanesouly

    as i allow myself to adjust to the new belivef

    feel me?

    im on one

    this is really “working” though

    i mean its amazing

    and i feel so much inner peace

    my stomach isa lll strong cuz im been spontanesouly doing deep breathinga nds tretching

    ive been brushing my hair like crazy its all shiney

    im all stretched my hipsa rea even FLEXIBLE

    and now i got 2!! candles lit in my room my room is vacuumed in cluding teh baseboresds – EFFORTLESSLY CUZ IT WAS FUN !

    my nightsand isa n altar i
    got CLOTHING DESIGN projects waiting for me by the bed and good books and the internet and i feel like im in amazement heaven paradisa WE HAVE BAMBOO FLOORS

    and my bathroom is blue and white marbly tiles with a window to outside and fresh air in the shower and omg

    i feel so amazing right now!!!!!!!!

    woooh

    cuz negry is moving throuhg me as im adjusting to my new lifestyle

    omg

    this is freaikng amazing!!!



  257.  #257Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Rori told me when i said i could only feel like my [jaw area] a few years back.

    and she said try feldenkreis and i read about it but didnt try it

    i was too panicked i couldnt get up from the computer enough

    life felt horrible and the computer was my only escape

    and rori letters were the ONLY thing i looked forward to everyday

    cuz i knew they were REAL

    this was really WORKING

    it wasnt just BULLSHIT

    it WAS THE ONLY REAL SHIT IN MY LIFE!!!!!

    and i would get them 2wice a week!!

    TWICE A WEEK!

    not a torture ass ONCEA WEEK

    TWICE

    so i always nkew i had SOMETHING to look forward to

    SOMETHING that would make my life a lil bit better

    something that toulc save my parents relationship

    and my relatinoship

    i could maybe get men to like me

    I could maybe feinally be the kinda girl who gets guys

    the ONE

    the ONE the GUYS REALLY DIG

    not the best friend
    the second best

    the boygirl

    freined

    I HAD SO MANY GUY FREINDS

    omg

    i MET SO MANY MEN

    I LOVE MEN! I FREAKING LIVED ATE POOOPED AND LAUGHED AND BARBEQUED AND SLEPT IN THE SAME BED AND WOKE UP AND ATE TOGHETER AHD LIVED TOGETHER WITH SO MANY MEN ALL OF US ROLLED IN TO A BIG PILE OF HAPPY LIKE A GANGA A CREW A LOVEY DOVEY POO:E OF FAMILY AND ROLLY POLLYS GROWING UP MEN

    I LOVE THEM!!!

    omg!

    it was heaven being around a buncha men

    yes!

    I ADORE THEM!!

    THEYA RE SOOO CUTE!

    I WANTE D TO BE ONE!

    OMG THEY ARE NEVER LONELY!!!

    NEVER!!!!!

    THEY ARE ALWAYS ON THE PHONE WITH THEIR BUDDIES!!!
    AND ON TOP OF THAT>>>> THEY GO OUT AND GET GIRLS!!!

    WITH!!! THEIR BUDDIES!!!!!

    HOW FUCHKIN FUN IS THAT !!!!

    OH

    MY

    GOD!!!

    I WANT MY LIFE!!!

    TO BE JUST LIKE THAT!!!!

    I REALLY REALLY DO!!!

    AND IM JUST REALIZING IT!

    AND IM SCREAMING AT THE TOO P OF MY LUNGS!!!

    THATS WHAT I WANT

    I WANT HEAVEN ON EARTH

    I WANT LOTS OF PEOPLE AROUND ME ATHAT I TRUST AND LOVE

    I WANT TI TO BE SOLID

    AND OK AND REAL

    NTO SOMEONE FUCHK OFF

    AND “MESS U{”

    the VILLAGE

    WHY DO I HAVE TO STRUGGLE UNDER THIS OLD PARADIGM!!!!???

    IM HEALING THIS NOW!!!

    I FEEL SO ANGRY!!!!

    >:(



  258.  #258Silver Moonbeam on April 13, 2012 at 2:40 am

    My note from the Universe this morning, interesting considering the “theme” on here the past few days:

    Honor them, love them, help them, heal them, but above all else, B, free them.

    Everyone, of course –
    The Universe

    They’ll return, B, one day, somewhere, over the rainbow or in times without space. And then they’ll show you all the “pictures” they took, play some weird music, and finally… they’ll thank you. Crazy love.



  259.  #259Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:42 am

    FEldenkreis — so i chekced it out again cuz i wanted to sit better at the computer…

    so heres the video i watched:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igpJeOkgfzw

    then i started trying it and it like started HEALING Me and got my mind all inspried to do the belief wrok cuz im letting it flow thru my body!

    and im doing the MAragaret lynch tapping

    and then doing my tapping that i adaprted from Erika

    yapidooddoo



  260.  #260Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:45 am

    so im just letting my dance flow through me and man IM ON!



  261.  #261Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:45 am

    i made myself ambidextrous!!



  262.  #262Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:46 am

    yes it feels so good!

    you guys PLEASE try that FELDENKREIS THING!!!



  263.  #263Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:47 am

    the effortless trajectory by following the wisdom of the spiral



  264.  #264Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:52 am

    oshun likes to be up all nite



  265.  #265GivingGirl on April 13, 2012 at 2:57 am

    I just had a revelation about myself. I checked my email & saw my aunt is following me on Pinterest. I felt panicked, nervous, upset and thought to myself, “do I have anything on there I don’t want her to see?”

    At that moment it hit me. I’m not comfortable with people knowing who I am. It’s not all people, but a lot & mostly my family. I’ve hidden myself from my family my whole life. At parties, I barely talk, I’m thankful every time my parents decide not to join FB. I monitor myself & what I post. I don’t allow myself to be me. Also, when I read books, I feel the need to hide it & I don’t want people to know what I’m reading. I have a blog that I’m nervous & panicky about sharing with people who know me. Strangers are fine. Im more comfortable sharing who I am with strangers than with people I know.

    People think I’m just shy, but the reality is I don’t want to be judged. I grew up being judged. I’m very petite & my intake of food is always monitored & discussed. My mom would always comment on how I got cursed with my aunts big hips, my hair is never how she wants it to be, my dad doesn’t like when I color my hair & comments when I don’t wear enough makeup, my weight is always a topic. My brother was always the favorite. I sucked at sports & if my brother & I had games at same time my parents always chose to go watch his. I’m an artist, but they refused to let me go to art school, only business school, so I chose to only attend community college. I didn’t even realize I had a choice to do it on my own through grants & loans. I was never good enough, so I just hid to avoid being looked down upon & made fun of.

    Now, as an adult, I never share much of anything with my parents. On my occasional weak moments I regret it. When they come over, I have to make sure to perfect as much as I can because they comment on everything & tell me what I have to do. I hate when they visit & it makes me irritable.

    I’ve got issues & all this flooded at me this morning from one little email notification.



  266.  #266Ella on April 13, 2012 at 2:58 am

    Hello Sirens,

    I just ‘caught’ myself.

    I fear I have been mostly in overfunction mode for a while now.

    I have been ‘helping’ MWC with some of his issues.

    I consciously made a decision to put my boy hat on earlier in the week and sit with him and look at some options for help and support for both of us as he deals with his addiction issues, and I deal with my stuff.

    The reason I chose to do this was to help ME feel sae and good, although I get that I was probably stealing his role.

    Something positive that came of it is I did define some boundaries for myself, and expressed some scenarios that remove myself from.

    This feels good and I am prepared to follow through with them (trust my boundaries).

    Negative impact is that I currently feel a little bit like his Mum or therapist and a little disconnected. And fearful of sapping the attraction.

    Plus, having been in boy/overfunction mode, it feels too easy to get stuck there.

    For example, I have to catch myself from contantly batting the ball back when he asked how I am by immediately asking him back… or actually asking him first!

    And I have to watch because at the moment it is not feeling good if I express my feelings for him either… so I need to pull back a little at the moment.

    Now is not the time for that.

    Also, today when he phoned me, he was telling me a story and instead of just listening and appreciating him sharing, I heard myself making suggestions in a disapproving tone!

    Uh oh.

    I really didn’t even mean to. It just came out my mouth!

    He was telling me about how his dog made the sheets on his bed all muddy and I began to express disappointment but then made a couple of suggestions to prevent that happening!

    Errr, Ella WTF???

    Back to Siren School for you honni!

    Like he can’t solve tha himself.

    Oh, now I feel annoyed at myself.

    Oh well. Gently, gently.

    I have caught myself.

    If it bothers me having dirty, doggy sheets, which it does, I could have said when I went to get in them at a later date, ‘Oh I feel a bit uncomfortable getting in these brown sheets.’

    Grrr.

    He may well even have changed them by then.

    Why did I interfere?

    What am I feeling?

    Impatience? Yes.

    Anxiety? Yes.

    Anxiety just a little bit in case I am all invested and he can’t step up and sort the issues.

    Well, I just need to slow down.

    Take a step back and focus on me. ]

    Think I will ease back some and wait till I feel less anxious to be close again.

    This will give him some space to fix some things, if he wants to, which in turn could make me feel safe.

    I, as usual and as many of the other Sirens have expressed, am back to dealing with the frustrated feelings that get triggered when we need to sit back and let a man deal with stuff.

    However.

    I have plenty to keep me busy.

    🙂



  267.  #267Daria on April 13, 2012 at 2:59 am

    hmm that didnt feel safe

    i give myself permission to express my spirtuality

    ok here we go WHAT SHALL I CALL MY BELIEF CHANGE METHOD HEHE

    THE DARIA WAY

    omg i feel like im drilling boring shit into students- gonna heal that

    They said I don’t have permission to express my spirituality. And It’s not ok to express it.

    And I believed them. I fell for that belief like a fish on a hook, being reeled out the water……

    JERK!

    And they’re not true!

    jerk jer k jrekk

    jjerk

    I give myeslf permission to SHIFT (that word works ! ) that … those beliefs now

    I am strait running a function on my mind

    and my mind is aligning with me

    and so is my body!

    High 5 mind

    High 5

    !!

    ME AND DARIA ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!

    BEAMING SMILES!!

    THANK YOU RORI!!

    DARIA LOVES HER 1ST MIND!

    AND HER 1ST MIND LOVES HER!

    WOOOOOOO

    HAHA DARIA THINKS SHE:S HER 2ND MIND

    BUT SHES NOT!!

    maybe thats the mind that she calls Daria?

    since we said thats not our name

    our name si

    SUidabwrker

    ok

    twerk twrekd

    we;;;

    i feel kinda surpsrised and dsappointed na djudgmenteal

    i fele embarassed

    i dont wantta mebe danmed studadabmeaker

    i feel like the NERD

    YOU ARE THE NERD I can heal it!

    THEY SAID I AM A NERD!

    AND I BELIEVED IT

    I FELL FOR THAT BELIEF LIKE A FISH ON HOK… GETTIN RELED OTU!!

    AND ITS NOT TRUE!!!!!

    I GIVE MYSLEF PERSMISSION TO SHIFT THAT BELIEF NOW!

    OH

    MY

    GOD!



  268.  #268Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:02 am

    UMMM I JUST MADE MY SHOULDER RELEASE AND POP BY USING MY MIND!!!

    HELLO IM TURNING INTO LIKE SUPERHERO LAND

    THEY SAID I SHOULD FREAK OUT!

    wooh…

    belief shifted

    wow they got me with the moveies!

    you kow in the movies when the kid gets the super powers, they cant handele it, they wish they were normal, etc?

    well they GOT me witht hat

    ai thought i had to be that way

    instead i can just ENJOY my super powers!

    and feel good about them and safe that if i have suepr powers DUH thats a good thing!

    freakin movies

    ragh

    thats why im careful what i wawwatch

    but im a goond mindfulness persond

    hehe

    “ill say””

    🙂
    ]
    hehehehhe



  269.  #269Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:05 am

    im feeing moved to tears by me. im feeling touched

    . im feeling overwhelmed with joy and love for myself.

    yes im feeling teary with love for myself.

    with how happy i am wtih how much love i feel for myself.

    yay

    like thank you tyakk you

    Gratitude

    tears of gratitude

    yay

    thank you self!

    thank you amazing Daria

    thank you amazing everything?

    because i am EVERYTHING

    hehehehehhe

    hahahahah

    braahharahrhahra

    lol
    jk

    im still good

    love ya

    trickester



  270.  #270Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:08 am

    Daria Therapy:

    They said I’m a dork too

    “they were mean OuTTA NOWEHERE … I woudl think it was cool and really they were makin fun of me! i couldnt read them

    it felt so uncomfortable and humiliating

    i felt so confused

    i felt so angry

    i felt so shut down

    i dont like feeling this way

    i just made myself numbe

    i dont fuchk w bit*(ces



  271.  #271Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:09 am

    same w my mom

    outta nowhere

    WHAM

    with ALL women

    feeling safe and then BAM

    get hit in the heart

    i want to heal this



  272.  #272Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:11 am

    i just healed it

    yay

    amen

    wow

    i feel that good accomplished tired and sleep deep and good and good good feeling



  273.  #273Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:11 am

    or like after good sex

    when you KNOW youre supposed to feel happy



  274.  #274Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:13 am

    (im letting myself feel happy all the time… yall should join me… )

    i feel like a lesbian hittin on yall….!!!

    Y’all should join me….

    Maybe ima lesbina!



  275.  #275Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:16 am

    i think i wanna be a lesbain

    what

    mm

    yeah?

    not really

    no

    hmmm

    they said i should fEEL SCARED to be a lesbian

    ….

    btw i realixed that GAY RIGHTS ARE VERY VERY IMPORTANT TO THEY HEALTH OF THE PLANET

    THEYRE NOT MARGINAL THEY ARE LIKE…

    ESSEENTIAL TO OUR HEALING

    OMG

    THAT FELT RELA LOVELY



  276.  #276Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:20 am

    well i definitely CAN be a lesbina

    its my choice

    i HAVE had long term relationships with women, though they havent been sexual

    they were Very very close – like life partners…

    hmmm



  277.  #277Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:26 am

    i could see myself getting sexual witha woman i really liked, like whose whole body and style and person i really loved…

    yeah

    wow

    and ive recently realized i was checking out my mombs butt

    and i was tsticking my face in it when i was young…

    im defe a gemini boy and girl heart

    i can spot a cute woman easily

    but so is everyone isn my country

    hmmm

    i love me

    wow ok

    we have liong term relationship but not sexual so thats how i use my sxexuality

    hmm
    i get to choose

    of course we all do hahahaha

    omg

    im ‘getting it’ more

    now

    woooh feels scary

    omg

    yes i totally COULD get with girls if i want to hahahaha

    yes just like i knew anyone could get themselves to get turned on to whatever

    yaya

    heal mind heal

    i felt SOOO Scared

    omg

    and i healed it

    they said i should be scared and i had totally believed them

    booyyyy

    i was more scared to be a lesbian than men are to be gay!!

    omgsoh

    wooh

    all that fear

    its all washing through me w memoris now

    haha and i was soo judging myself and suprressing it

    liek when i wanted to be the evil prince that kindmasps the princesses in role play

    as a kid

    or when i pulled down Georigainas pants when I was 5 an she was 3

    omg

    hehe

    i did read a lotta books that di dhave sexuality in it

    mmm

    but when boys showed me their penisises i didnt like it

    i even felt scared and insulted

    and iw as such a tomboy

    omg what if im GAY

    wat da fuuuchkkkk?

    u guys i think im gay

    not cuz i wanna hve sex w women but cuz my like closest relationships have always been women –

    BEST FREINDS….

    OMG

    ummmm

    whoa

    so now waht

    sigh

    i think i can still be with a man

    i wanna have a family with a man

    yeah

    >>>

    ****

    ******



  278.  #278Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:35 am

    i always felt scared that i got turned on when reading about women

    or looking at them

    and tis ok right?

    men arent really about looking at them to get turned on

    its ok to be like gay!

    were all gay!

    lol yay!

    ok what a releif

    it feels scary though

    i
    really dont really want to have sex with women though

    not right now

    mmm

    yeah

    ok but i could if i wwanted to

    yeah

    hmmm

    ok

    this feels kinda crazy

    there are frew women i really want to

    but sometimes some women are just like

    omg theiyre amazing

    like beautiful and perfect and i lvoe weverything about them

    sometimes i love them more than i love myself

    and im bout to heal that

    .

    right now

    ok i just did i had to love the women i love more than i love myself…

    woooh

    u know GIVING aint hat bad

    cuz at least i had a leg up on GIVING

    when i was GIVING to others

    then now i get to benefit from all my GIVING

    and i hve my GIBING muscle all strenghtened up

    yadahimean

    so hugs to GIVING ME

    and toe my cousin who ‘taught’ me that belief

    i feel angry

    i felt judged

    and i felt this squeeze in my chest

    and i felt inspired and attracted

    and guilty

    and sad

    and i wanted to feel good

    an di decided to try her way

    and her way WAS actually better than t50 50!

    GIBING EVERYTHING WAS BETTER THAN KEEPING IT EVEN _ KEEPING SCORE!!!

    and now RECEIVING EVEryTHING IS EVEN BETTER!

    wooo hoo its a progression!

    I GET IT!

    yaya!!!!

    ceelebrate

    comappsioon for others, for inanimate objects first

    and then for me!

    yaya!!!!



  279.  #279Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Yeah so i used to ONLY like the old testament about ann eye for an eye

    and i thought JEZUS was gross about getting slapped… and ‘gibing’ everything and non -violence was gay … which was bad and a turn off and icky and disgusting and not what i wanted to be

    EWWW!!!!

    thats how i thought

    and the feelings it triggered

    and THEN after I DID ACt like jezus anyway, with my beliefs of

    whatever i didnt tri p i just tried it even thou i judged

    its

    and

    then noew all of a sudden i foun dRORI and MAMA GENA

    and now im trying it this NEW way

    and i love this new ay and almost nobody knows it!

    IT THE CELEBRAT ME EAWAY!

    CUZ ITS MY LIFE

    and I GET TO CHOOSE

    YaDAIMEAN!!!!!

    AND I LOVE IT

    BIG HUG TO ME LOVE IT!!!!



  280.  #280Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:40 am

    wow i just hugged myself hard for the first time ever

    i hugged myself THANK YOU

    i never really felt that way before

    or i didnt feel comfortable when i idd

    i feel this minty feeling in my chest

    it feels nice

    i feel touched

    like gurmpy old man me is touched



  281.  #281Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:41 am

    im grouchy like that lady in the picture of the post and im still touched



  282.  #282Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:49 am

    i felt afraid telling yall about how judgemental i felt about gayness and jezus getting slapped an stuff

    you guys probaly think ima bigot

    im jerking around here

    i forgive myself

    it figures it was all about me why i “hate” bigots

    i want to heal this

    ok i healed the belief that im a bigot.

    You guys really should try this. its really easy… its not even a full tapping round… and … belief has changed… and you can see a whole new perception, and feel body shifting, and KNOW that it has permanently changed forever… and YOU are differnt…

    its quite amazing

    I WILL OFFER IT AS COACHING FOR FREE

    if you want

    please contact me on skype : LILREDDGIRL

    or my address magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com

    but if i dont answer that mihgt be better to write me on blog or on facebook

    <3

    I WOULD LOVE TO DO COACHING W PEOPLE TO DO THIS BELIEF CHANGE WORK

    I FEEL UNCOMFRABLE CALLING IT COACHING
    (IMA BAD COACH)

    ok i just shifted that

    IM ACTUALLY A FUCHKIN BAD ASS COACH LIEK THE DALAI LAMA OR SOMETHING

    THINK IM KIIDSING

    THINK IT

    BUT YOU WILL BE WWWWRONG!!!!!

    BHUAHBAUHBABUHHHAAHAHAAHAAAAAA

    eat me

    hmmm

    i feel teary

    it felt fun to express myself that way and i feel teary now

    (did procedure)

    ohhh i feel embarassed of my comedian side!!

    i feel all teary

    maybe i got shut down tryna be funny

    and it hurt

    or maybe

    i dono

    yeah thats it

    they said i sound like a boy

    I think i found the greatest healing tool of the 21st century

    FUChk wit me

    im gonna teach the world it

    share it with the world

    it WROks



  283.  #283Daria on April 13, 2012 at 3:56 am

    ok i did the procedure on

    they said i sound like a boy when i say something intended to be funny…

    hehe!

    i realize i say stuff intended to be funny cuz it feels fun to express myself and create a laughter vibe laughter response in me and also others
    or im laughing first and i share it

    hehehehehehee

    i love laughing!

    I DO
    !

    🙂

    i even to ld people i “what do you like doing?”

    “i like talking and laughing, eating, smoking sometimes, dancing feels good”

    eh i feel turned off at the end

    i dont feel good – i feel all tightened up saying dancing feels good

    im gonna give a diff respeonse being asekd that

    like

    i dont want to tell you

    lol

    mmmmm

    i dont know what to say

    what do i like to do?

    i feel put on the spot

    i feel blank minded

    i feel embarased

    i feel all tightened up

    i feel sad

    “they said im supposed to answer the question what do you like to do with a list of things i like to do. and i believed them… ”

    mmm i get it!

    actually i dont want to answer cuz i sound “dumb” i thought if i dont answer

    so i was pushing myself

    !!!

    and actuallyi thought men wouldnt like me if i seemed dumb

    they would make fun of me and diss me and not be attracted to me if i “can;t” answer that question

    “whats wrong with you?”

    “are you dumb or something?”

    ‘annoyed voice’ “you don’t know what you like to do???”

    “wtf?”

    “whats wrong with you?”

    etc

    love to me

    🙂

    i heealed it now

    HEaling more…



  284.  #284Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:00 am

    how about: “i dont like being asked what to do.”

    “i dont like those boring feelin dating questions”

    im feelign reallyy… weird

    i jsut eaheled that i had to act a certain way in order to connect w my cousin…

    and i felt a warming sensation n my nose and brian

    feels werid



  285.  #285Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:00 am

    but a GOOD weird… a curious… wow… amazed… feeling… surprised…



  286.  #286Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:08 am

    yay i FIT IN NOW

    yay you guys !

    thank you for letting me be part of you!

    i feel so greatful!

    ive been so lonely

    i feel so happy to be part of this group with yall

    yay ring aourd the rosy

    weeeeeeeeeee

    i FIT IN

    i FIT IN

    i shifted my belife that i took in when they said i dotn fit in



  287.  #287Mochaberri on April 13, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Morning Sirens!!

    I was finally able to read the post in it’s entirety and I can relate to Laura’s story. Case in point:

    I’ve been doing really good with leaning back and not initiating calls to KR and when I do which is rare (so far this motnh I have only initiated twice) I am able to detach myself from the outcome.

    However, this morning I initiated contact and was very disappointed that he did not answer – no I was angry. The call was placed before the sun came up and it angered me that he did not answer. He called me back about 40 minutes later. I told him that he crossed my mind and I just wanted to say hi. He asked me what I was thinking and I just said that I hadn’t talked to him and wanted to say hello. In all honesty this was not the total truth so I called him back and told him that I was thinking how good it would feel to wake up next to him but I guess he got an early start this morning. I really felt that he had stayed the night out which is why he didn’t answer his home phone or his cell – yes this is my NV talking.

    His response was well it’s too late I’m on my way to work. I then said I know at this time you’re getting back to me it is. He said I leave at 6, and my response was OK that’s why I called at 5:30. He says that’s too late. And in my head I wanted to say of course it is because you already got some and you stayed out but I didn’t. I’m wondering if I would have said that would it have been me judging?



  288.  #288Mochaberri on April 13, 2012 at 4:16 am

    Yeah to Daria!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  289.  #289Turquoise on April 13, 2012 at 4:19 am

    Good morning sirens. Feeling better enough to go to work today, but grateful we close early on Fridays. My stomach still hurts.

    BW, that makes sense about the vibrational allignment. I asked for true love. But I’m contemplating if we’d ask for something that we shouldn’t like you said… I want so and so to love me. And they aren’t the right person for us…. would the universe simply deliver that person in an untrue way, or not at all. Or, how do you know for sure, that the one who comes, really is your true love…. because most relationships start off really great in the beginning… so I’m just wondering. Maybe I’ll ask the universe for clarity. I feel confused.



  290.  #290Turquoise on April 13, 2012 at 4:19 am

    Happy Birthday Dominique!!!!!



  291.  #291Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:20 am

    oh wiat i forgot i fell in love iwth men too…

    like ROBERT

    :((((

    they siad ill never feeel all the tood stuff again

    🙁

    and i believed them!

    🙁 ;( 🙁 🙁 ;(

    [belief change}

    omg thats so not true!

    its a lie we’re all sold!!!!

    ohhh heartbreak, oh nooo… ill never feel that way again, i cant survive without feeling that wayyy

    etc

    and theyre not true!

    we totally DO CREATED THE FEELIGNS

    and we “have to” realize that to feel pwoerful and fulfilled and nt at the mercy of something out of our control 0= ie another being

    !!!

    hello!!

    yes!

    i want to create thouse feelings of safety and heart and home and sex and excitimeent adn cool peaceful ness and

    ALL THE FEELINGS I LIKE

    I M GIVING MYSELF PERMISIOON TO FEEL THOSE AGIAN

    ANYTIME I WANT

    ALL THTE ITME

    ALL THE TIME

    IM GIVING MYSELF PERMISISO N TO RECREATE them

    uhoh – scared i messed up! i said something wrong!

    now its not gonna turn out right ! i sold myselef short! I didnt do it as well aspissible

    what if they dont get what i mean tan dthey think i mean recreate like the same exact which is not what youre ‘supposed’ to do

    and actually i want even better!!!

    bu t im not gonn a get it now cuz i said it all wrong!!!

    and they’re not gonnna get me!!!!!

    waaaaaaah

    in my heart

    waaaaaaaahh

    pout

    waaaaaaaaah

    disappointment

    squeezing

    but but but

    i wanan say it

    i wanna say it a

    and it s too late now

    theyr e not listening

    im not gonn ab be heard

    ok

    there it is

    the belief

    [i will not be heard]

    omg i shifted it

    i felt some HORROR MOVIE feelings

    like psychopath at the window,

    ghsost,

    paralysis

    getting trapped

    reaped

    buried alive

    omg

    ugh

    my worst fears soemtimes

    when i feel so scared

    my screams dont come out

    etc

    and my knees go weak

    i dont like that feeling

    i want to heal this

    i give myself permission to heal this

    im realizn this is a trauma

    wow

    i love myself

    the dog was chasing me aha

    heal

    i felt squeezed

    it was more than the dog

    i know

    ok i give permission to all of me to heal



  292.  #292Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:22 am

    ok and here comes the rest of it…

    the sadness that iw ont be able to conenct with my neighbors

    with my parents my help wont be received

    witht eh world my purpose wount be pulsing out in the web…

    i just healed all that

    BIG or small… its all the same to belief

    its all a abelief

    all the same

    it doesnt know or discriminate if its a big deal to me or not

    it just shifts it

    and then i get to enjoy the rewards

    it just gives me what i ask for

    another version of Ask and Receive

    i relaly want to talk to this man online

    im gonna see if i can shift some beliefs areound that

    and see what thats about

    and heal it



  293.  #293Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 4:24 am

    Turq: I actually was coached some time ago by a woman who suggested you ask the Universe a question, such as:

    “What would it take for me to get clarity about what I want today?”

    Or

    “What would it take to attract more money into my life today?”

    And stuff like that.

    What you ask for and what’s going on in your head on a subconscious level are often two very different things, so what you ask for may not be what you get, purely for this reason.

    It’s not until you align the two that you will get what you ask for and that’s through using various tools.



  294.  #294Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:24 am

    ohhhh

    its not that i want to talk to him!

    its that i felt good talking to him last time!

    and it feels bad and weird not hearing from him since!

    and i feel sad and disappointed and a bit mad!

    wow i feel like im 5 and i deserve everything

    they said i had to be a child to deserve everything – like juezus and the children…



  295.  #295Turquoise on April 13, 2012 at 4:26 am

    Butterfly Wings, I understand where you are coming from…. hard not to lean forward, over function or control an outcome (have expectations) when you start thinking about how to spice things up.

    I’d say try something new sexually. I just started reading about tantric sex…. sounds amazing and I look forward to having someone to practice with!!! 🙂 Discover something fun that you can do together. Do you golf or bowl or anything like that? Try new recipes, clean in your underwear, change your routines, rearrange the furniture… just keep things fresh. As relationship go on, the friendship can really strengthen. That is a good thing. I believe that is the glue.



  296.  #296Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:27 am

    they said i had to be a child to be innocent…

    🙂

    hmmm innocent turns out to mean – open hearted… loving… compassionate

    “like buddha

    wow 🙂

    i love that im this now and i knew i was before too cuz i always thought of me as innocent

    i love this part of me it feels so nice

    i feel so safe with this lil girl

    so warm heart



  297.  #297Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 4:31 am

    Butterfly Wings, I understand where you are coming from…. hard not to lean forward, over function or control an outcome (have expectations) when you start thinking about how to spice things up.
    Oooh I didn’t think of the tantric stuff! Great idea Turquoise! Will definitely look into that more!

    We love to go to the markets and just shop together (he’s the perfect man – not only does he like to shop, but he pays too!)

    The cleaning in the underwear thing was something I was already going to do – with heels of course! 😉

    If THAT doesn’t turn him on, nothing will!

    We don’t golf or bowl, but we do go to the gym several times a week together, so we do have that friendship thing too.

    All great ideas and I’ll have to brainstorm some more ideas.

    Thanks so much! 🙂



  298.  #298Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:32 am

    omg im totally remembering ro like imagining instances in my life when i was young

    and i remember how dignified and worthy and deserving! i felt

    and regal

    and tehy said i was bossy!!

    i shifted that

    stilll feelin through it

    ..//

    kinda feeling what i woaul call “cranky”

    but very in my lil girls body back then

    mmm and it DOES Feel good to be that

    like in her body

    i guess this is my body now

    i feel powerful

    this is before i was really beaten



  299.  #299Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:33 am

    they said it was bad to be bossy!!!



  300.  #300Ella on April 13, 2012 at 4:33 am

    Hi BW

    🙂



  301.  #301Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:34 am

    omg

    wat a relief on my lil heart

    its not true

    and….

    they said it was GOOD to be bossy before that…



  302.  #302Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:36 am

    ok im sitting here feeling all lonely and forgot and kina bored and i decided to be bossy to get attention



  303.  #303Turquoise on April 13, 2012 at 4:37 am

    Hhhhhmmm, I really like that BW. Thanks for sharing. I’ll start asking the universe for clarity and instead of just putting what I want in the box, asking how I can attract it.

    The house was easy, it was such a need for us…. but it is really funny to think this all started last year with him offering to give me money towards the new TV, so I could get the one I really wanted rather than the one I could afford. Then it was a new dryer. I wasn’t expecting him to give to me…. and when my alimony ended, I did ask the universe to help me make it all work out. I got more hours at work, and then a raise. And then C started being so generous… and I received it, happily. So, I feel like I’ve learned how to accept what’s being given. Now I want to shift and focus on how to manifest and request what I want, and bring that into my life that isn’t a drastic need like a house or enough income to pay the bills, and for it to come from other sources than him. The big stuff is covered…. except I really need a new car! Mine isn’t going to make it much longer.



  304.  #304Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:39 am

    i just shifted the belief that i will always feel lonely

    and then the belief that i will always feel unsafe

    shfiting throught them now

    …..

    what feels coola bout this healing is that beliefs come up to heal when i can handle them

    it all feels gentle and comfortable like im asking it to feel



  305.  #305Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:43 am

    i shifted the belief that i will always feel uncomfortable

    .

    im feeling ‘moved’

    my mouth is not really smily

    i look far away i think ,troubled, or yeah

    i dono distant

    moved?

    being the ewather

    misteryious

    i dono…

    they said it wasnt good to feel this way

    shifted…

    oh yeah 🙂

    hmmmmmmmm

    big smile for me

    warm smile for me

    yeah

    .

    it Is good to feel this way

    i t means im moving and shifting

    mm



  306.  #306Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:45 am

    mmm im a leader!

    i feel fulfilled being followed

    and tehy said thats bad!



  307.  #307Turquoise on April 13, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Oh, wanted to mention his earlier, about the astrological signs. C and I are both fire signs, and a perfect astrologicalmatch. It says there will be passion and fighting and so many commonalities. It feels wonderous to me to read an article about our sign compatability and see so much truth there. Which actually made me feel better as to why it’s so hard to let go and walk away. I feel justified in my hope.

    This is where the universe will be blocked in giving me what I want/need. I know my vibrations are still with him, so if he’s not the one for me, or best for me…. he’s in the way of what is. I feel like I need to put more distance there. Even though he lives over 4 hours away, I rarely see him….. I feel like he’s entwined into who I am, into my fiber. How do I get him out of me when he’s so rooted there? I feel like there could be thousands of miles between us and he’d still be so close. He has been that far away before, we haven’t seen each other more than a few times in a year or more during deployments… Time and distance just don’t work for me, because he’s still too close. I can’t make the distance. Does this sound crazy???? I feel kinda crazy writing it all down.



  308.  #308Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 4:46 am

    Good morning Ella! (I’m assuming it’s morning over there!?) 😉



  309.  #309Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 4:49 am

    You’re not crazy at all Turquoise.

    Remember too, that the fact you have two children together is a bond that no other man can possibly have with you (unless you have two more!), so don’t be too hard on yourself! 🙂



  310.  #310Daria on April 13, 2012 at 4:52 am

    omg they said it was bad to feel unsafe…

    andi just shifted that and realize “unsafe” feels like tinglies in my running up me like sprite from my tummy and it feels like ‘Excitment’ and i like it… tho i feel scared!

    ::!!!! omg 😀



  311.  #311Francesca on April 13, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Lizka, awesome about the car…and the potential date!

    Way to go, girl! 🙂



  312.  #312Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:02 am

    they said im not safe when i seem to be by myself

    but actually that individualizing feels kinda sweet too and fulfilling



  313.  #313Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:07 am

    they said im not kind enough to deserve to be all powerful

    or for it to be safe for me to be all powerful

    but yeah…. i am

    mmhm

    heh heh

    im feelin myself



  314.  #314Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:09 am

    they said romance is not fulfilling for me



  315.  #315Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:11 am

    they said im not a good feminine being



  316.  #316LiliBee on April 13, 2012 at 5:13 am

    Goodmorning Sirens! 🙂

    I will finally get to catch up on the blog tomorrow morning.
    Right now I just got in to work. I feel excited and super smiley at my life! 😀 I wanted to share it with you all:

    I kept to my plan of driving many hours to be with my family for Easter weekend. I called a couple of people who live here and come from my hometown to offer them a ride.
    They declined, so I ended up driving aaaalll those hours alone.
    I felt so free and peaceful alone in my car listening to all the music I wanted and singing to myself.
    Mom had my favourite dish ready for me when I arrived.
    I slept 10 hours a night and had 1 to 2 hour naps in the afternoons.
    It’s so peaceful and quiet in my mom’s house.
    She never ever criticizes me anymore.
    I feel sooo comfy, cozy and serene in that house…I can’t beleive I was dying to get out of there when I lived there.

    I asked her husband’s opinion and advice on finances. He’s really talented at investing and knowing how to manage his money.
    He was so happy I asked.
    It had been snowing for 2 days. The morning I was leaving, he got out to clean the snow off my car and started it to warm it up for me!
    My mom made me a sandwich and cut up some veggies for me.

    I felt so cared for and appreciated just for my simple presence 🙂
    That is so new to me! I love it!

    I’ve been feeling so perky, cheerful and rested since I’ve been back.
    I slept so well and so much over there, that I don’t need as much sleep now and I’m still full of energy.

    D was grumpy and sad that I was going and leaving him behind. He wanted to invite himself along but had to work.
    I shared with him how I felt being there and how it has done me a world of good to recharge my batteries. He’s all happy and shows me alot of appreciation.
    He’s spoiling me rotten with all his attention and taking care of me.



  317.  #317Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:15 am

    thye said im ont as strong as i wanna be

    they asid im not as good as ai wanna be

    hhhhhh

    decompresssing

    feeling sadness



  318.  #318ulii on April 13, 2012 at 5:18 am

    sorry… I have not yet read through the posts… just wanted to ask your opinion:

    Message exchange in a chat:
    …..
    A Guy: Hi there, beautiful, how are you?
    Me: I feel great. How are you?
    A Guy: I’m good, thanks.
    …..

    And then he continues online and there is silence.

    This is somebody I have had longer conversations before and who i do like and would be happy to talk a bit more. But now it seems he just waits for me to lead the conversation. Is there anything to help get this going? Am I saying something wrong? Not enough, too much? I don’t understand.



  319.  #319Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:18 am

    hehehe

    they said i didnt feel as good as i wanna feel

    they said i didnt feel as safe as i wanna feel

    i just healed the cancer in my throat on my vocal cord by saying that

    and then i got the knowing of it

    no wonder i wasnt worried about it



  320.  #320judie on April 13, 2012 at 5:19 am

    I don’t understand how I can use feeling messages and yet not say anything which makes him wrong when he has been blatantly rude, unloving, thoughtless and unkind.
    For example. At breakfast out yesterday AM with a friend he impatiently said,’That’s what she always does. Talks instead of ordering I’m ready to order, now the server has to come back, I want to just sit down and order” or something to that effect with very angry rude tones.
    His friend said,’Oh oh you’re treading on dangerous ground there”.
    Because in fact everyone looks at the menu when they go to a restaurant and he and I always discuss,”Do you want to split this meal?” And we also look at the menu to decide what to order. There are times when he borrows my reading glasses and takes a looooong time to decide what to have, and to discuss ‘want to split it’ because he’s a tight wad and hates paying the prices.
    His expectation yesterday, because he was hungry was that everyone would know what they were going to eat before they sat down so when the server came with the coffee we’d be ready to order, for his convenience. Because he was eating the same things as always and didn’t need the menu.
    This is changing the rules of eating together, not telling anyone, then getting angry and rude, not valuing me as a person or caring about my feelings.
    When I told him how I felt about this his words, he response was ‘lip flapping’ not an, “I’m sorry” but rather ‘.. well I apologize for that but if you want to stay angry I don’t care either way’.
    And our relationship of 1.5 years has been marked by his rudeness and my leaving him for it. As it was with his last two relationships.
    How does one say how they feel, change the behavior and cause a better experience without telling the guy what he’s done that we find impossible to live with??
    J



  321.  #321Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:23 am

    ulii – if you want him to keep comign towards you…

    dont ask him how are you next time.

    keep leanignb back

    him: how are you beautifull…

    you: mm thank u… im feeling so relaxed… all flowy 🙂

    hIM : (oh my god this is out of the ordinary!!! — wants to continue asking leaning forward until it no longer feels out of the ordinary and fulfilling and thrilling… bvut it ALWAYS DOES ! 🙂 cuz you keep leaning back 🙂

    and he’ll never leave… except to get things in order to run back to you … )

    –what he actually says: oh yeah?

    or something lame…

    or maybe

    oh that sounds great im at work

    or… if his triggered for soem reason… ‘wtf are yout alkin about’

    — he will be saying SOMETHING…

    to which you reply with how you feel… 🙂

    and it will keep working … forever… 🙂



  322.  #322Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:24 am

    lol 🙂



  323.  #323Sirenity on April 13, 2012 at 5:25 am

    “Please send positive energy to my credit rating so I can buy this beautiful princess car”

    Lizka ROFL to point of bladder dysfunction 🙂
    even as I sent you positive energy..!!!

    Send me some too as I am getting over my monthly hospital infusion day.

    I conjured up a date for tomorrow lunch ..a guy who had called in sick a couple of weeks ago the day of our meeting and I just assumed i would never hear from again. He was so funny and cool on the phone, but hasnt called in over 2 weeks.Anyway he is back !

    Then one of my CDs called to confirm lunch in a vineyard for Sunday. he must have enjoyed the one we had last weekend 🙂 (it was spectacular ) so we are trying another. I am feel very special that these CDs are buzzing around.

    I am finding it hard to diet with all this lunching Bits dont bounce back into shape like they did 30 years ago 🙁



  324.  #324LiliBee on April 13, 2012 at 5:30 am

    209:

    Yey Sunshine Lizka!!! 🙂

    Yey for the guys! Yey for the car!

    I feel so free having my own car. You’ll love it!



  325.  #325Daria on April 13, 2012 at 5:34 am

    judie :

    “’That’s what she always does. Talks instead of ordering I’m ready to order, now the server has to come back, I want to just sit down and order””

    judie: shocked face: Omg! … that.. that feels terrible… looks all full of consernation and sadness

    him: actually reacts to the feeling – totally SHOCKED! —

    umh umh… oh i didn tmean it like that.

    or…

    shuts down and goes defensive; ” well its true… you always do that”

    Judie: i dont feel good being talked about this way. i feel very angry . Looks angry face at him in the eye. Leans back with torso, opens arms to side (no crossed arms) palms facing forward

    him: ‘dang babe, youre overreacting”

    judie: melting as much as possible: 🙁 pout face.

    i felt upset… i dont want to be talked about that way. it feels bad

    him: ‘don’t feel bad, it was a joke, come one can’t yout ake a joke… besides its kinda true’

    jodie: “im feeling angry. i don’t want to be talked about this way… im going to the restroom”

    goes to the restroom

    THIS BEHAVIOR WORKS. When you continue to not get thrown off of using feeling messages, and looking him in the eye while keepign your body leaned back open and melting

    there is nothing that won’t heal. eventually he will apologize, or say something nice that you can say feels good. you WILL reconnect.

    I have seen this work with my parents in very difficult cases.

    Don’t be afraid to be a “diva” and leave the restaurant, room, or refuse to go soemwhere that was previously planned.

    Walking out – saying NO is ALWAYS ok.

    just make sure there is no blaming, explaining, only feleing messages, and leaned back, and always responding warmly to ANYTHING that feels good even a lil bit no matter how angry you feel… ie if he wants to hug you while you’re angry then let him and say i feel so angry i feel uncomfortable letting you touch me, and yet a hug would feel so good i want to feel good again so bad, im feeling upset and like crying now… awwh….

    we’re here for you girl!



  326.  #326Sirenity on April 13, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Lucy, blame is something that is mostly in the perception of the receiver. Whilst the disher outer of “blame” may be full of words, the meaning of those words comes from your filters.

    I wonder how you might feel if you adjusted your receiving dish and imagine distorting the “being made wrong” into some unintelligible sounds from a distant planet!!! if you can practice not hearing “blame” or “wrongness” and ask yourself how else the words could sound and be interpreted , I wonder how that would feel?

    And how does it feel when you arent being made wrong and how does it feel when you are being made right ?

    I also dislike blaming “it wasnt me” people as they seek an external locus of responsibility for their lives. However I am wondering if this were a big problem all along with your guy , how have you filtered it up till now?



  327.  #327Patricia on April 13, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Judy: Remember whatever you decide to letvyourself experiencing and keep experiencing is your choice. What I am seeing is that you are still judging his behavior. The key words here are the judgements. He may not see it as thoughtless or unkind. He was just being himself. So changecyour words from “you are” to “I feel”. Instead of that was rude and you are being thoughtless, try I am feeling pushed back, not thought of (left out) and a bit rushed. Then give him a solution. It feels soo good when I feel calm around you when you are patient. Thank you for your patience. If you catch yourself judging…use the words your judging with becasue this is where you meet those feelings. Instead of you are abandoning me…I feel abandoned when you——. This gives him an opportunity to change his behavior and youve given him the biggest gift…a way to do it. (these are Roris tools in action). It takes practice. If he refuses to change or disregards your feelings and the behavior is intolerable then hes probably not going to be the one to give you what you need.



  328.  #328Patricia on April 13, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Daria, I like your focus on body language. How Sireny..it feels good to read that.



  329.  #329ulii on April 13, 2012 at 5:55 am

    RE: 318 Daria
    Thank you Daria! You are great. 🙂
    I know I should be more leaning back & using “I feel..” statements all the time. Still difficult to me.
    The thing is, this guy has actually blamed me few times that he feels I don’t have any interest in him & that I don’t talk to him at all. So I feel confused and afraid that he stops contacting me altogether if I lean back completely.



  330.  #330Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Awww TH is out with the boys (I was invited but declined because my baby was coming home and I’d organised a pampering session) and he just texted me. For absolutely no reason whatsoever.

    Nice. 🙂



  331.  #331Starla on April 13, 2012 at 5:58 am

    la la la, good morning.
    still nothing from CF

    I don’t want to go to the exhibit with Alaska tonight. We went out last night and planned to go tonight to the exhibit (sort of planned), but it’d feel good to come home after work and take care of myself. i hope he understands.



  332.  #332Starla on April 13, 2012 at 6:15 am

    CDing doesn’t immediately dull the pain, but it does have a bit of that effect. like, i could feel a bit of the twingey pain for CF “die” this morning, where I’m not so fatally attracted to him.

    I still miss him terribly, though. He was wonderful in his gazillion ways and being around him made me feel like I was at home..something i never felt before. And I regret letting the situation get to that point, though I know he certainly carried it to that point right along with me.

    I feel a hole in my heart since he’s been gone. And I am working relentlessly to patch it up with self love and all that i am passionate about in this life.

    At the same time, I feel guilty.. like if I really love him I should be wallowing and suffering to prove it. I feel afraid he would be offended and not believe my feelings to be true if he knew I was carrying on just fine. I don’t know where I got this belief. Maybe the movies, lol.



  333.  #333Francesca on April 13, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Starla, I think women are somewhat “programmed” to feel bad from heartache.

    Being able to feel good only shows you’re growing stronger and wiser.



  334.  #334Patricia on April 13, 2012 at 6:20 am

    Im feeling drained from yesterday and my conversation with E and B came over to be with me. He drives a long way 3x a week to be with me. I am still with holding a certain part of my desires from B. I do love him and I love E. I feel a bit sheltered into my own heart right now. There are a lot of people who went through the 6 year experience with E with me and they would be so concerned about my speaking to him yesterday. I can see why. I cant worry about their judgements if he becomes willing and able to do the work. I love him but never pulled him.out of his comfort zone. I challenged him yesterday, Im not sure if he will come back or if he’ll come back in time. I feel excited and exhilerated and strong. I feel sad, so sad. I will give myself some space and time to feel my feelings.



  335.  #335Starla on April 13, 2012 at 6:24 am

    To everyone who has been trying to help me figure out if I should contact him again or not – I decided that if he doesn’t contact me, I certainly CAN contact him. But only when I’m truly ready. I don’t know when that will be, but it feels important to me to take advantage of this time and heal myself and calm my whole nervous system and break my patterns even more. I actually really needed this time to myself. It’s worth the discomfort of not knowing if I’ll ever have him back again, even if I “complain” a lot about how lousy it can feel.

    The sadness and awfulness of it all is actually an opportunity to open my heart even more. To persist with faith in love even when it could be tempting to say “love is stupid, i give up!”

    I feel grateful for the opportunity to practice my faith in love and my faith in myself. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, Starla, for recognizing opportunities when they arise.



  336.  #336Starla on April 13, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Thanks, Francesca



  337.  #337Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 6:25 am

    BW I felt a little uncomfortable around the sexy dressing thing to get his attention. It smacks of gameplaying to me. However if it is a natural part of your makeup where you like that kind of thing and will do it for yourself also I believe it is fine. I had a girlfriend tell me over the weekend that when she is alone in the house she puts on sexy lingerie and talk to herself about how sexy she feels. That to me is her doing it for herself. The thing is if you are doing it for him I believe it is putting on a show that is not the real you and the real you will eventually fall into your regular pattern because pretense can only last for so long.

    Also I kind of get the sense that he tends to bring up separation every so often. I would check to see the frequency of it for him. Your pattern around it seems to be resistance – so it seems you tend to play the resistor/convincer roles with each other around this topic. I wonder what would happen if you would gleefully agree with him and tell him to take his sweet time coming back around so you can enjoy your sexy alone time playing with yourself, what kind of picture it would paint in his mind. Remember the brain is the biggest sex organ and men are visaul. I am wondering if you could use it to your advantage by painting a picture for him to imagine, using your words.



  338.  #338Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 6:27 am

    I hope I’m not making the mistake of a lifetime by moving my Mom in. I think we are now at the point of no return. But wow, you wanna talk about triggering?

    I have been triggered at my deepest level, stuff from childhood. It will definitely be a mirror to me, but I don’t know if my healing and growth is strong enough to withstand this. Point blank, she is a very toxic person.

    I want to be there for her in her old age, but at what price? She is 79, and she feels like she is coming back to life being out of the nursing home. I want that for her. But my entire life has been invaded and taken over here. I am totally off my horse and leading hers along like dragging a dead horse up a hill. Maybe not kind words, but that is how I feel. Yet I don’t have the heart to tell her no.



  339.  #339Starla on April 13, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Brenda, I wonder if negotiating a “peaceful home” agreement on paper like two adorable little lawyers could create a foundation for an easier home life while she’s there.



  340.  #340Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Moonbeam,

    I am going to keep on with the Atkins bars, but end the Atkins shakes. They have dairy products in them, and I wonder if that is a source of this cold, because dairy products are mucous forming. Plus they don’t taste good at all.



  341.  #341Starla on April 13, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Brenda, I apologize for being so “against” you when I felt super triggered about that man and the request you made. There are other ways I could have handled things!! I am sorry.



  342.  #342Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Lucy I can appreciate where you guy is coming from with the blame/shame thing. Even after I started this work I did not appreciate it for a while. It was after reading Dr. Paul’s psychological material that some of it clicked. Dr. John Gottman was the first I read about around blame and how it is one of the predictors of divorce. However, it was only when it registered that it is in the unconcious mind that the “you’s” registers as blame that it clicked for me. I was able to wrap my mind around the fact that the person might not be outrightly blameful to me and might even have the best of intentions but my mind hears it as blameful and triggers feelings in my body that I was not even fully aware of. After reading Gay Hendricks then I was able to put mindful identifcation to the feelings and with Rori I could put words to the feelings, though I am still building that skill. Men have a hard time identifyng feelings and though he might have done some work himself, he is still a man so I can appreciate that he might not be able to understand what you are saying because he wouldn’t feel the words the same way in his body. I have also heard coaches like Rori and Dominique say not to discuss your process with the man. When I read what you are stating about your relationship I am wondering if just stating simply how it feels without any explanations and deep discussions and then maybe just walking away when it feels “ouch” if that would signal to unconscious mind that you need to be protected. It seems to me that the words are not working so maybe focussing on using body language to communicate more might make a difference. I dunno.



  343.  #343Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Brenda I would start my mornings with hot lemonade to help get that mucus moving. I am drinking some right now.



  344.  #344Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 6:41 am

    Brenda I know what you mean with your mom, I am somewhat living it myself. However, I just don’t say anything sometimes I just disappear. Because of her tone and the energy behind her words my mom comes across very toxic too. She always seems like she is fighting and angry. I see some of it in myself too and my kids call me out on it. However, sometimes I ask her gently and with a soft voice to kind of tone it down for me so I can hear her. I also pull myself back sometimes and consciously choose to see her as a human being craving to be loved so at least I give myself a respite from thinking about her as toxic. During those periods I am able to bond with her.



  345.  #345Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 6:41 am

    FW I already have his complete attention. This is more about making things a little more fun and spicey for both of us and I know I will benefit from this also. 😉

    As for the separation thing, I’ve listed a couple of times the many reasons why having the house to myself is sometimes a very good thing. So no need to convince him.

    In fact, he can do what he wants. But even though he’s mentioned staying at his house more often, it’s hardly happened in months and that’s been 100% his choice with no convincing from me.

    I feel so good right now and so happy about what I’m attracting. Although its nothing to do with him, he’s picked up on my new vibe, I’m sure of it. Maybe that’s what’s keeping him around? I have no idea!

    Ok I’m off to bed. Bubba will have me up early tomorrow. Night! xxxxx



  346.  #346Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 6:43 am

    (((((Brenda)))))



  347.  #347Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Oh no!! It’s FRIDAY THE 13th!!!

    I’m not usually supersticious… But I’m waitinf for my credit to be approve this morning!

    Ahhhhhh

    Please more more more positive vibes sirens!

    Please Universe!!

    I want this car! I’m gonna feel so much more free with it! I NEED to feel free!!!

    Pleaaaaaaaase!

    Ah I feel stressed. 🙁



  348.  #348Francesca on April 13, 2012 at 6:46 am

    (((Brenda)))

    Sending you all good vibes, (((sirens)))



  349.  #349Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 6:47 am

    RE 332 Starla for me that time would be when I am okay with walking away and accepting that this might never so I can pull myself back from pushing for a particular outcome. I am still not there yet with my favorite CD so I have reframed from contacting him. Whenever I do he plans a date and abandons everything else in his life to be with me. I am not sure though that I am comfortable being the one to always lean forward so that a date can happen. He has a pattern of keeping things to himself and cave dwelling. He says he is his own inspiration and is tough like a mack truck.



  350.  #350Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 6:50 am

    Lizka maybe you are focussing on not getting your credit approved?

    I would focus on how good I felt yesterday and how good I will feel in my new car.



  351.  #351Starla on April 13, 2012 at 6:53 am

    the last time i saw CF, he was holding me and wiping my tears away. What happened? In less than 2 weeks…what happened? We didn’t even see each other. I feel so confused. I miss him:'( I want him to come back.

    I am going to keep taking care of me. It’s okay to miss him. I love myself. I have myself and it’s okay. And it’s okay to cry and miss him too. Everything is okay. I am a beautiful, delicious, full human.

    oh it felt good to let those tears roll down my face just now.

    Love to me



  352.  #352Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Oh yeah FW, good idea.

    I’m gonna think of where the places I’m gonna go with my new car.

    Thank you!

    But keep sending the good vibes, lol



  353.  #353T-Girl on April 13, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Friday the 13th happens to be a good day for me. J asked me out on Friday the 13th 11 months ago 🙂



  354.  #354Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 7:01 am

    ((((((( Starla )))))))

    You are doing amazing! I feel inspired to feel that good about myself not to feel too bad about ATW… I don’t know if I’m that strong. I will try.



  355.  #355Calypso on April 13, 2012 at 7:02 am

    Good morning Sirens. I hope we all have a fantastic day, that we feel happy and centered on our own, and that our perfect lovers are moving closer to us in this very moment . . . while we dance in the light of our own glowing energy!



  356.  #356T-Girl on April 13, 2012 at 7:03 am

    BW – words can easily do the trick when spicing things up in the bedroom. Suggestive talk (not necessarily dirty talk) really seems to get J going as he pictures things in his mind.

    Also, just trying new positions or a new location really heats things up too.



  357.  #357Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 7:05 am

    By the way I haven’t decide what to do with ATW.

    For now, I don’t want to think of it because I want to keep feeling happy as long as possible.

    But I was inspired yesterday in the book I am reading. Something that happened in the story and that I could do myself.

    I will explain after my healthy breakfast!



  358.  #358Starla on April 13, 2012 at 7:14 am

    i feel like i should go on a CF fast and stop talking about him. i feel self conscious here about it… but i wonder if that judgement i’m energetically “feeling” is a signal that i am too hung up.



  359.  #359T-Girl on April 13, 2012 at 7:31 am

    BW – Dr. Laura Berman’s website is pretty good and you can get e-mails from here also regarding love and sex:

    http://www.drlauraberman.com/homepage/



  360.  #360Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Starla,

    RE: #338 – I feel touched, and I appreciate that and accept that.

    When I see how toxic my Mom is, and she is my best friend and favorite person in the world, and read about how toxic your Mom was, cutting you in your sleep and God knows what, I want to cry.

    I think we both understand how much toxic parents can affect us, as much as we don’t want the toxicity to affect us.

    We are both in process.

    Hugs to you, Love, Brenda



  361.  #361Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Starla I remember there was a reason why you named him CF?



  362.  #362T-Girl on April 13, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Starla, you are doing great with what you are going through. The whole no closure, lean back thing really sucks but as proven in the past really works. Don’t feel self consious about posting here.



  363.  #363Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 7:41 am

    I also believe that looking at what worked in the relationship and what didn’t work helps us to put tools into place and helps focus our minds to shift ourselves for our second chance. As such I wouldn’t worry about people’s judgement as well as let go of the self conscious judgement. Maybe even ask myself where am I calling myself a failure or loser?



  364.  #364Ella on April 13, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Draia re 318

    I love that.

    And it is so true about how it works like that.

    It made me laugh when you said about how he might get triggered and say ‘wtf are you talking about’ I have had that and also guys getting grumpy and going off huffy cus I am not leaning forward… but really, they are not the type of guys who would be any good to me.

    Did make me chuckle though… realising that they are just triggered.

    🙂



  365.  #365Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 7:42 am

    FW,

    RE: #340 and 341 – Thank you! I have some of that hot lemonade in packets and will do it. I have also been drinking 1000 to 2000 mg a day of vitamin C.

    The way you handle your Mom is beautiful. I’ve been trying to do the same thing, also. This morning she asked me directly if it’s working out for me for her to be here. So I answered her very gently yet directly, with feeling messages.

    Because of her toxicity, she instantly starts running the Negative Voice tapes that are deeply grooved in her mind and heart. Right away she hears rejection and “I don’t want you.”

    And it’s not true. I’ve been bending over backward the last week to accommodate her here, pushing myself to rearrange, doing physical labor that I am not in shape for and too sick to do. In addition, my unemployment income got cut by $800 a month last week, unexpectedly. I feel an emergency need to get a job, which I have already been trying to do.

    But I’ve been pushing aside almost all jobhunting to get her situated and spend time with her. There has been far more laundry (she’s incontinent front and back), cooking and dishes, along with all the rearranging to accommodate her wheelchair and medical equipment.

    But I don’t care about her and I don’t like her because I am feeling the strain of it all, along with her frequent yelling, criticizing, and accusing. Ugh. I feel physically and emotionally drained.



  366.  #366Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 7:43 am

    RE 346 – I meant refrained not reframed.



  367.  #367Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Starla,

    RE: #336 – “Brenda, I wonder if negotiating a “peaceful home” agreement on paper like two adorable little lawyers could create a foundation for an easier home life while she’s there.”

    Good idea! I’ll try it! One idea she came up with yesterday was equally cute: she said she would treat it like I am her landlord and she is my tenant. She was trying to cut her mothering tendencies…she saw she was telling me what to do in my own home as far as dog care, etc. She made a joke about it, and it made me laugh.

    So yeah, maybe that would be a way to diffuse the tension. She gets super moody and will totally contradict herself from one minute to the next. A few minutes ago, she was about to call my brother and have him pick her up…trust me, I don’t need my brother involved in a negative way.



  368.  #368Ella on April 13, 2012 at 7:52 am

    @ Daria

    “just make sure there is no blaming, explaining, only feleing messages, and leaned back, and always responding warmly to ANYTHING that feels good even a lil bit no matter how angry you feel… ie if he wants to hug you while you’re angry then let him and say i feel so angry i feel uncomfortable letting you touch me, and yet a hug would feel so good i want to feel good again so bad, im feeling upset and like crying now… awwh….”

    This exact thing happened to me the other day…

    I was using FMs cus he wasn’t treating me well and was on the floor huddled over feeling sad and he came over to cuddle me but I immediately felt tense and didn’t let him cuddle me for long before I said to him ‘I can’t be touched right now I feel too angry’

    I was confusing cus a cuddle would have felt great… but I also felt furious and wanted to push him off me.

    That night I chose to leave.

    It was a bit of a messy exit on my part cus I kinda did it slowly with lots of pauses, where neither of us knew if I would actually leave.

    And then I did.

    There was a bit of explaining on my part, which is not the ideal, but not much…

    And in the end I did honour myself by leaving.

    He was very loving towards me by then but I needed to go cus of a boundary I had made.



  369.  #369Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Woohoooooo

    I’ve got it! I’ve got it!!

    Got approved for the new car!!! I feel SO excited!!!!!

    I’m gonna have it Tuesday or Wednesday. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep until then! I could barely sleep last night and I wasn’t even sure I had the car.

    Ahhhh I can’t wait!!!



  370.  #370Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Starla,

    RE: #355 – I have gone on Ryan fasts from time to time, but I found when I am in the thick of the pain, I really need to support of the ladies on the blog. Now for me it has (finally!) subsided.

    Whatever you decide, please take care of yourself. We love you and care about you, and if it helps to vent on the blog, I hope you do.



  371.  #371Patricia on April 13, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Is it possible for me to have one petson in my life, non judgemental, that I can just let them know what just happened..I feel judged, not by you ladies but I guess life in general. I dont like this feeling but I guess if I stop judging myself and looking for answers that will come in time (theres the cage, the trap) I will stop paying aytention to judgement



  372.  #372Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 7:57 am

    RE 362 Brenda trust me I know how you feel going through some here too but my mom is an intermediary so I don’t have to get fully involved but that just causes me to worry about her. I know I would not be able to do all that you are doing and I would not encourage you to carry on with all that responsibility. It is just humanly impossible for one person to take on is my humble opinion.



  373.  #373Ella on April 13, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I like putting on sexy outfits for my man.

    I put them on for me too, but am more likely to sleep in a sexy outfit when I am with a man…

    Although if I feel like sleeping in a baggy old T shirt with him cus it feels cosy I will…

    Its all about me.

    I feel comfortable dressing sexy for my man and love the attention he gives me when I wear nice underwear in front of him.



  374.  #374Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Lizka,

    Congratulations! How exciting!



  375.  #375T-Girl on April 13, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Yay Lizka! How exciting!!



  376.  #376Ella on April 13, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Can someone remind me of the 4 rules please?



  377.  #377light heart on April 13, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Trust your boundaries
    Follow your feelings
    Choose your words
    Be surprised



  378.  #378Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 8:08 am

    MEN KNOW IT; SCIENCE KNOWS IT

    There’s no question about it. If you
    asked men whether they liked “easy”
    women, the answer would be “no.”

    (And those who answer “yes” are —
    you guessed it — DESPERATE. Do you
    really want a desperate boyfriend?)

    And if that’s not enough evidence, then
    maybe science will convince you.
    Scientific studies have shown that women
    who have standards, and choose their men
    carefully, are the ones who have the
    longest and happiest relationships.

    I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow for
    some of us, because we tend to HATE
    anything “old-fashioned.” We prefer
    to do things “our way,” even if
    “our way” leads to unfulfilling
    relationships, painful break-ups, and
    worse.

    It shouldn’t be like that. I believe we
    need to learn from the past. There are
    secrets of seduction that have worked
    for great woman all throughout history
    — why not touch base with those
    secrets?

    LEARN THE SECRETS OF Attraction

    Let me say it again — attraction isn’t a
    “new thing.” It’s as old-fashioned
    as you can get. Women like Cleopatra
    used it to the hilt, and won the
    affection of some of the most powerful
    men in history.

    Until next time, remember — never, EVER
    rush a relationship! Keep your standards
    up, have a great life outside the dating
    game, and choose your men carefully.

    To the happiness you deserve,

    ~Alexandra Fox



  379.  #379light heart on April 13, 2012 at 8:09 am

    The Five Keys

    1. Choose relationship
    choose to give up Independence for Interdependence
    choose to make space in your bed, your closet, your home, your life, and your heart, for a man

    2. Choose to be the Feminine Energy partner
    Choose to primarily carry the intuiting, expressing, sensual, following, receiving, feeling, and just being energy in your relationship

    3. Support the Team
    Choose to put the relationship before being right

    4. Respect the Masculine
    Choose to give up control

    5. Express the Feminine
    Choose to Surrender



  380.  #380Ella on April 13, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Thanks Lightheart.

    I sometimes get muddled up between the 4 rules and the keys…



  381.  #381light heart on April 13, 2012 at 8:15 am

    I love my life

    I love being me

    I love having opportunities to learn, love and grow more

    I fully intend to revel more in the feeling of desire for my man as a juicy, wonderful, expansive, good thing,

    more than as a constricting, lack-filled thing

    I have energy for life !!

    🙂
    light heart



  382.  #382lk on April 13, 2012 at 8:18 am

    thanks for those 5 keys, lightheart. feels really “smooth” to read that ? like it : )



  383.  #383Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Ahh thank you thank you!!

    I’m suppose to run because I have a yoga class in 1 hour and I’m still in my pyjama, but I’m just staying here on my couch dreaming of my new car and calling all my friends to tell them.

    Good feeling 🙂



  384.  #384Silver Moonbeam on April 13, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Just popping in ladies to ask does anybody know of a good online coach for MEN? My son has written me a big email today about his gf finishing it with him and how upset he is and angry at himself for effing it up.

    He asks me does he think he can turn it around!!

    Well I was going to say to him to go get some counselling before you try to fix anything with your gf.

    But the only advise I have these days is girl advise a la Rori Raye. I can’t advise my son to lean back or get on his horse, etc.

    Anybody???



  385.  #385Starla on April 13, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Thank you ladies

    I just miss him so much. It’s just dreadful heart ache. I almost texted him this morning saying, “[Pet name], I just miss you so much”

    and then this feeling like “he’ll be back, and soon”… and i feel like i’m a fool for truly believing that and i’m only setting myself up for disappointment.



  386.  #386Silver Moonbeam on April 13, 2012 at 8:42 am

    The only men I know who coach are dating coaches for women like EMK and Jonathan Asley, I did send him a link to a one hour Byron Katie video, but I’m not sure if he even watched it, as he even never gave it a mention.

    MEN!!!



  387.  #387light heart on April 13, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I know and I fully intend to walk the walk of better communication, using I rather than you, and feeling messages, in most if not all my interactions, but it felt so good to tell that guy off!! Do I regret it? No. Would I do it again? Hell to the YEAH.
    Yes, it was just the thing to get my boy energy involved in that one!! mostly because I know I would never see him again, and sincerely hope he would not treat someone else like that and thought he should know he was acting like a real d-bag.
    (do not try this at home)

    🙂
    light heart



  388.  #388light heart on April 13, 2012 at 8:47 am

    and yet, the experience also showed me, once again, to actually trust my intuitions and psychic impressions, and not second-guess….because they are usually so right on, so maybe I can avoid gnarly situations like that !

    🙂
    light heart



  389.  #389Francesca on April 13, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Yay, Lizka! 🙂 Super happy for you!



  390.  #390Starla on April 13, 2012 at 8:49 am

    i have a date to the exhibit tomorrow afternoon with Alaska. Fun! Going to put on a cute dress and enjoy myself immensely.

    Tonight it’s just me and my jammies at home. Love it!



  391.  #391Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Silver Moonbeam there is Scott McKay and I believe David DeAngelo



  392.  #392Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 8:55 am

    If you ARE sure that this IS the path that you want to take, and you REALLY want to know how to MAXIMIZE your chances of winning your EX back in MINIMUM time, then read on…
    The first thing that you need to do right now is STOP doing what ever you are doing to win your ex back.

    Stopping what you are doing means:

    If you are begging or pleading with your ex, or trying to guilt them into getting back together with you… By all means… DON’T!
    If you are apologizing for everything that went wrong, promising them that you will change for the better this time round… DON’T!
    If you are constantly calling or texting to arrange times to meet with your ex, and keep trying to see them so that they won’t forget you… DON’T!
    If you are stalking them, spying on them, befriending their parents or harassing their friends in the hope of staying in close contact… DON’T!
    If you are writing letters, sending flowers, gifts or any other means of showing your ex that you are desperate to win them back… STOP DOING THIS RIGHT NOW!
    I know your first instinct is to do these things, but you have to trust that I know what DOESN”T work,

    How do I make him LOVE ME again?

    It’s not easy, and I have to warn you that if you rush into fixing it all too quickly and go back to your old relationship and life, there’s a good chance it won’t last.

    It’s about changing your mindset about your relationship, what to take with you moving forward, and what to leave behind. But most of all it’s about understanding him and seeing him in a way that no other woman can. It’s also about seducing him.

    Yes, you heard right, it’s about focusing his sexual desire right back at you so any other woman on his mind will vanish. Do it right and he will have eyes for you only. With the right approach and the right tools, you can have a result that will be both effective, and one that WILL LAST.

    How do you do all that?

    came to a head one night when we were having an argument about the household chores. We really yelled at each other. We both said some hurtful things.

    He shifted out.

    For the first day or so I was still angry, going through the argument in my mind, telling myself I was right and that he should be the first one to apologize.

    He didn’t.

    A day or two turned into a week. That’s when I started to feel sick. I didn’t want the life we had to end over a silly argument about the chores! But it seemed we had a stalemate when it came to communication, and neither of us knew how to fix it.

    It was the worst month of my life. I couldn’t sleep. I felt sick all the time. I cried a lot. I missed him. I missed our life. Heck, I even missed the mess he left in the kitchen at breakfast time!

    I tried calling him. I apologized. I begged him to come back so we could talk. I called his workplace. I called his friends. I left long messages on his answerphone. Nothing.

    That’s when I learned that I needed to learn and develop more skills than I currently had. So a wise friend and counselor took me under her wing, and taught me everything she knew. And I used it to get my man back.

    It changed my life. I could easily have made the biggest mistake of my life and let him walk away…

    But I didn’t.

    I discovered a secret formula to winning him back through getting him to crave me instead. It was a total flip in the way I was approaching things and it meant that I had to do some things that seemed a little counter-intuitive at first.



  393.  #393Starla on April 13, 2012 at 8:55 am

    i hear good things about david deida. he takes kind of an enlightened approach to the dating thing and masculinity thing



  394.  #394Francesca on April 13, 2012 at 8:55 am

    SM, I googled dating coach for men and came up with David Wygant and Adam LoDolce.

    I don’t know if they’re any good, though. Their websites look “serious” enough. Might be worth a try.

    Good luck to your son!



  395.  #395Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Now, let’s get back to YOU…

    The most attractive thing that you can do right now, before anything else, is to get your life back on track.

    At this moment your ex could be with another woman, forgetting about you and the life you created together. The best way you can keep him still interested in you is by being the got-it-together, fun person that WANTS their ex back, not NEEDS them back.

    Compare that to the teary, desperate, needy, begging woman that needs their ex back.

    Which one are you more attracted to… its a no-brainer, right?

    Start having a pile of fun. Go out often. See your friends, your family, and make some exciting plans for the future.

    Your ex will be A LOT more attracted to the mystery of ‘why are you so happy?’ than he will be attracted to you trying to win him back through letters, text messages, heart-rendering answerphone recordings, guilt and smothering. You can’t have them think that they are the be-all and end-all of your life if you seriously want to win them back.

    That doesn’t make you ATTRACTIVE, it makes you look desperate.

    Trust me with what I’m saying about focusing more on getting yourself happy first (without making them responsible for your happiness) and you’ll double your chances of winning them back, right off the bat.

    Your friend,
    Mirabelle Summers



  396.  #396Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 8:57 am

    I like Wygant.



  397.  #397Starla on April 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

    i’m not begging or contacting him. all i did was reply to his email, and it wasn’t anything bad at all.

    he did say i could call him if i wanted to talk. i haven’t (obviously)



  398.  #398Silver Moonbeam on April 13, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Thank you ladies for your men coaches advise – I have just sent my son a MASSIVE email………..sigh…….



  399.  #399lk on April 13, 2012 at 9:20 am

    wahhh i’m feeling a little Despair today !

    this is so hilarious to me. it’s like i can watch myself, bird’s eye view…. spinning out of control…. repeating the same patterns of depression & manic excitement… & at least now i can expect both…. & it makes me feel more balanced in either…. but i still am kind of like, “really ? i have to do this every day for the rest of my life ? ” ok & really i’m feeling good about it. see ? here we go. up down. up down.

    & lg saying oh we all have problems. BLAHHHH i know….. but do we have to ? & then i’m like, well look how many people are “wrong” or “blind” around you, or men you’ve dated ? & then i see the judgement so fast & it falls back on me like a ton of bricks & i think oh no ! i must always always be wrong ! i’m a cruel, heartless, blind, deaf narcissist with no love & no real red blood ! & then it feels like stabbing myself over & over again for no reason. very silly.

    & then i have to go back to the beginning, & try to convince my poor tear-y, blood-y self, “oh, lk, no, it’s ok…. you’re ok… it’s just like they say – something about…. if it’s real…….. & then if it’s unreal, it doesn’t exist… ? ” & all the platitudes & prayers i’ve memorized collapse & i’m standing there…. nothing coming…

    there is no search. oh thank you. someone is finally talking to me. the tree & the woman is lifted up & the beauty rises out of her – walks on like a prince, saving the world. all the leaves drop like the faithful at a prayer bell & there is nothing like “difficulty” for that moment….

    but then the rest *is* a battle. i keep knowing that & then wanting not to. the rest *does* involve discipline. i know that i can behave with discipline & have it feel easy. or… i think i know that…. hm.



  400.  #400lk on April 13, 2012 at 9:23 am

    NOOO i don’t want it that way, actually : )

    lol i think that maybe *instead of* “discipline” which sounds like Work & like Doing – maybe i can do “slow” which sounds like Being & Receiving & Enjoying : ))))

    ah wow lk ! yes ! i am “remembering” something good about you lol…. (((lk)))



  401.  #401Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 9:24 am

    So my Mom and I have been talking, and wow, all the toxicity of my childhood has been slapping me silly, left hook, right hook. I am coming head to head with all the criticism, erratic behavior, depression, hopelessness, false accusation, that I was raised with and I believed was my reality for the first few decades of my life.

    The best therapist I ever had told me 4 years ago that if I brought my Mom back to live with me, it would be emotional suicide.

    I was far weaker then. I wonder if it still would be emotional suicide? I wonder if I am strong enough and healed enough to lift my Mom up to find healing with me?



  402.  #402Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 9:26 am

    BTW Starla I believe you are doing great. I am sharing info that I believe might help you with how attraction and the male mind work. I am not criticizing or judging you at all. I forgot to also mention that there are coaches who suggest that a guy will cave in around the 6-8 week timeline if he does not contact you after a breakup. As long as you don’t get angry when he pulls away he is likely to end up secondguessing himself. And if he finds you happy when he does contact you he might kick himself in the as## and start trying again.

    Remember LiliBee?



  403.  #403lk on April 13, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Starla, i really like watching you go down into the sadness, come back up for self-love…. like a diver exploring a reef ! it feels interesting & also very Safe : ) i love you



  404.  #404Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 9:30 am

    If this garbage is negative, please feel free to skip over my posts. I know it’s negative. I just need to vent, and this is my chosen journal format.

    This is crazy making behavior that I was raised with. It is a world where the rules change minute by minute. One minute there is a thrust to get such and such done. I scramble to do it to stop the complaining, criticizing, yelling, or what-have-you. The next minute I am being screamed at to not do it, it’s no use, this is far more important, why aren’t I don’t that?

    To me now, I see a woman who is half insane with all the damage SHE endured growing up. But as a child, I felt so bad, so horrible, because nothing I did was right, and nothing I did was good enough.

    If Rori says it is healthy to be triggered, then it is vibrantly healthy for me to have my Mom here, because I am feeling triggered almost minute by minute here.

    Starla, a couple days ago you suggested bowing out to take walks a few times a day. Right on, and I have been doing that. The first night I went out in the car for about 2 hours. I’m about to go check out again.

    This could be very good or very bad. I could be making the mistake of my life, or I could be helping an emotionally broken woman who has a chance of regaining her identity by spending time with me.



  405.  #405Starla on April 13, 2012 at 9:32 am

    thank you, fw:) it feels great to hear i am doing good. i am really really trying here 😀

    i love me and don’t want to abandon myself this time.



  406.  #406Brenda on April 13, 2012 at 9:33 am

    LK,

    RE: #400 – Oh wow, what a beautiful description of Starla! Yes, yes, yes, I have admired the same thing! How I wish I had had all this training and reprogramming of my thoughts and feelings when I was in my 20s! But I have it in my 40s, and I am eternally grateful to Rori and the Sirens!



  407.  #407Starla on April 13, 2012 at 9:37 am

    ladies, i know i am encroaching upon SPAM territory at this point, so while I do love and want your replies, I want to give you a “pass” to start skipping my posts guilt-free. I’ll start a post with a request for replies and responses if I really need one, so I don’t feel ignored and so no one feels guilty about skipping over my repetitive saga if I’m just spamming.

    Please do keep responding if you feel so inclined, though!!

    Love you all!



  408.  #408Starla on April 13, 2012 at 9:39 am

    aw thank you lk. this is so different from anything i’ve done before.

    I should give credit to laughing goddess. I got into a bad episode with CF a couple of months ago, I acted really poorly toward him, and she encouraged me to just go into self love and forgiveness and not beat myself up. That really turned on the light for me.



  409.  #409lk on April 13, 2012 at 9:39 am

    hello!

    just a quick email, as requested…… : ))) i hope you have a nice nice nice day today with B & you build a magical greenhouse!

    i’m planning on leaving the office right around 3:23, so send me an email with any requests before then!

    xoxo love love



  410.  #410Starla on April 13, 2012 at 9:41 am

    my brain is starting to draft heady emails to CF. sigh, i love my debating and convincing skills.



  411.  #411Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Brenda I would also ask myself if I agree with the therapist and if I believe what she said. Maybe identifying that agreement could possibly help you now shift to creating what you want by re-creating your own belief?



  412.  #412Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 9:46 am

    RE 400 I love it lk.



  413.  #413lk on April 13, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I love him… & i feel afraid to Permanently decide to give him Masculine Reign in my kingdom !!

    my Lion is like, awww Hxll No. we do not do that !

    aw mannnnnn but i don’t even want to deal with my Lion. i’m kind of afraid of him. i like him to just sleep & then sometimes give me answers to hard questions.

    no wonder CD’s bull doesn’t like my lion… maybe my lion can make friends with the bull ? hey, lion ! are you feeling nice today ? awww you are : ) you are sweet today !!! cute ! aww go cuddle with the bull, you see him ? awwwwww (((lion&bull))) ok ok now you can go sleep, lion, eh ? : p lol



  414.  #414Butterfly Wings on April 13, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Ha! It seems TH can’t live without me! He was supposed to go back to his house tonight because he’s out celebrating a friend’s birthday and I live further away from the city where he is.

    But he just called to ask me to unlock the front door because he was coming here instead.

    Funny how when I really don’t mind that he won’t be coming back here, he actually wants to! 🙂



  415.  #415lk on April 13, 2012 at 9:56 am

    (((Femininewoman))) all your kindness (all that i can carry) comes with me when i walk in the world : ) thank you – & i am getting “stronger” i think : )))



  416.  #416lk on April 13, 2012 at 10:02 am

    i Believe in my dreams & i actively pluck away the dusty barriers i erected to “protect” myself – as there are no Enemies at all & i am Invulnerable to “attack” anywayz : )

    it’s OK ! i already can do this ! & i already Love the Feeling of “having done it” : )))

    ok…. that is gentle… that is easy, peaceful, slow, & flowing….. with a warm buzz underneath…. like sleeping on someone’s chest



  417.  #417Starla on April 13, 2012 at 10:18 am

    it’s amazing how now that i’ve released Alaska of all expectations (i did this a month ago when he asked if i liked him and i said no, lol), heis being really sweet and attentive and making me feel really important.

    Thank you, Universe.



  418.  #418Dominique on April 13, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Thank you lk, and Daria, Gingersky, Laughing Goddess, Healing Waterfall, Queenbee, Turquoise.

    Everyone else I got in an earlier post. And if I missed someone, I am so sorry, but I read them all.

    I feel so incredibly seen and loved.

    Thank you all for brightening up and being a huge part of what unfolded to be a very special day. Even with my play day in NYC having to be postponed.

    K SO stepped up and took really, really good care of me.

    Sending the entire blog, past, present, and future siren goddesses so much love and big, big hugs.

    xxoo



  419.  #419Starla on April 13, 2012 at 10:36 am

    i am going to take myself to yoga class this weekend and make myself a meal plan for the week too and finish my project and veg out as much as i want, too!

    love to me



  420.  #420Dominique on April 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Butterfly Wings = #253 – I don’t think you need to worry too much about keeping things spicy unless you feel bored or what some variety for you.

    Most men are very easily pleased, and if you enjoy yourself, he will enjoy himself. And I don’t just mean in the bedroom. (or wherever else you like to play).

    When I explored this for myself, it was because I wanted to learn more about me and what my body was capable of. And I had a great time.

    K loved it too, but he would have perfectly contented without my explorations.

    My book is full of ideas along these lines if you are interested, along with SO much more.

    http://sexandheart.com/ebook



  421.  #421Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Brenda, I’m sorry to hear about how stressful and triggering it is with your mom. I felt cringey reading about it because it sounds similar to my guy – the contradicting and accusing and double binds. 🙁 Double binds feel awful. 🙁 Hugs for you Brenda. You are brave to try this with your mom! I am proud of you for being brave. ((((Brenda))))

    <3
    Lucy



  422.  #422Dominique on April 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

    julie – You can’t make anyone change. You can only change yourself. And you do this by taking exquisite care of you. If there is a pattern of verbal abuse which seems to be the case here, you can say to him that you feel bad, and you don’t want to feel that way with him. Could he help you with this.

    If this man is toxic, nothing you do or don’t do will likely change this.

    But the only chance you have is taking your focus off of him and firmly on you.

    You may find that once you get to loving yourself and on yourself that you may not even want him anymore.

    xxoo



  423.  #423Starla on April 13, 2012 at 10:43 am

    dear brain,
    stop writing emails to cf in my head



  424.  #424Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Starla remember in Reconnect Rori suggests using “I intend to”? Saying that when we tell ourselves or other people tell s what to do we tend to resist and argue.



  425.  #425Starla on April 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

    421 fw i’m sorry i don’t understand what you’re saying! try again maybe?



  426.  #426lk on April 13, 2012 at 10:53 am

    like, “i intend to stop obsessively corresponding with cf in my imagination”



  427.  #427Patricia on April 13, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Haha FW..its funny you mention 6 to 8 weeks. The last time I talked to E was the end of January..it was about 10 weeks but none the less..thats usually about how long it has been…between “visits” and I have stood my ground every time. This makes me feel perfect.



  428.  #428lk on April 13, 2012 at 10:53 am

    : p



  429.  #429Starla on April 13, 2012 at 10:57 am

    ok:)
    i do!
    i intend to stop obsessively corresponding with cf in my beautiful, vivid imagination



  430.  #430lk on April 13, 2012 at 11:00 am

    i intend to be offered work that makes me feel free & easy & fulfilled & connected & pleased.

    & i feel gratitude for my work

    i intend to keep working on my personal projects

    & i feel gratitude for my passion

    i intend to expand my health & happiness & beauty

    & i feel gratitude for my body

    i intend to drop my expectations & bask in love

    & i feel gratitude for all the humans



  431.  #431Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Sirenity,

    Thanks. Right, it is blaming through my filters. He says he doesn’t intend to be blaming me.

    We don’t have to call it “blame” — we can call it something else. As you said, they are just words. So we can call them “words I don’t like” rather than “blame.”

    So, he says, “I am angry at you because of X,Y,Z.”

    (and XYZ are not my fault)

    So, to me, I call that “blaming” — If we call it “words I don’t like”, that’s okay with me.

    The last couple days I did try your idea of adjusting my receiving dish and interpreting the words differently, trying to assume that he wasn’t really blaming me or making me wrong…

    He said, “You did XYZ and we didn’t end up getting to do ABC because you didn’t LMN. If we had gotten to ABC like I wanted to, maybe things would have worked between us. It’s just like when I wanted to do DEF and you wouldn’t QRS so it never happened.”

    I took a deep breath and said to myself, “Okay, he says he doesn’t blame you, so that means that even though this feels like blaming, it’s not, and he doesn’t mean it that way. So, it sounds like he is maybe frustrated that we didn’t get to do these things that could have helped our relationship. I feel bad about not doing those things too. We both wanted to do them and somehow it didn’t happen. Maybe we were each waiting for the other to make the plans. I think maybe i was actually waiting for him to make the plans (masculine energy) but I will not say that because that would be blaming him. I don’t even feel that towards him, really, because there is no one to blame, it is what it is.”

    So I said, “Yes, it might have helped if we had gotten to do that.” (or something like that — going by memory here)

    He said, “We didn’t get to do it because you didn’t XYZ.”

    At that point I did feel confused and asked him if he meant that he had wanted me to plan it.

    He said no, he just wanted me to choose a time when we would do it.

    I said, “oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you ask me to choose a time.”

    (I’m pretty sure he never did.)

    And he kept saying more and more about how he kept trying to do this and I was not doing what I needed to do for him to make it happen.

    (To me, it seems the only thing I could have done differently to make it happen would have been to take the reins, row the boat.)

    I don’t remember all the details of ths convo, but that seems to be the gist of it.

    It seems that when he does this, he keeps going and going and I have a feeling he wants me to just say “Okay, yes, I did everything you said I did and didn’t do everything you said I didn’t.”

    which would not be the truth, although it is HIS truth/perception



  432.  #432lk on April 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

    @Lucy

    he just sounds “wound up” to me. like he is just trying to avoid feeling “wrong” at any cost, regardless of how man “Logic Tunnels” he has to warp his data through… i wouldn’t want to listen to someone complain like that for very long about What I Did Or Didn’t Do…



  433.  #433Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Sirenity,

    You asked how I handled it until now since it has been an issue all along…

    I have told him “I don’t want to be blamed. I feel bad hearing that” etc.

    And he says he’s not blaming

    etc

    So eventually I would either shut down and stay (get quiet and sad) or walk away (frustrated and angry).

    So, based on that behavior, he decided that I have a pattern of running away and hiding from problems, and shutting down and disconnecting in relationships, and that I need to work on it.

    I partially agreed with him on that, as it is true to an extent. But I don’t think it is the whole story.

    (Btw he has admitted — not recently — that he has “abandonment issues” — and it seems that we trigger each other’s stuff by our own stuff.)

    Anyway, this last time the blame and accusing happened, it just felt like the last straw to me. It was more intense than the other times, and I just felt sick and tired of it happening.

    Actually, part of it being so upsetting, really, was that a couple months had passed with NO blaming, and I thought we had finally gotten past the problem and resolved it, and so I was feeling more relaxed and hopeful about the relationship…

    SO, when it happened again, 1) i felt blind-sided, and 2) I felt like no matter how much time passed between incidents, I could never ever trust that it was resolved. And that felt scary.



  434.  #434Queenbee on April 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

    They said I’m not a good singer
    And I believed them
    I fell for that belief hook, line and sinker
    Like a fish on a hook, being reeled out
    And it’s not true
    I give myself permission now to shift that belief

    I love myself! Yay!!

    Thank you Daria. I love this!



  435.  #435Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

    FW,

    Thank you for your input as well. Yes, I am now in the process of just not engaging at all in the dialogue. But I do keep letting myself get sucked in!!! Part of it is because he has read all those authors you mentioned and Knows this stuff and so he will point out to me which relationship skills and principles he thinks *I* am not using. But it’s really frustrating because some of it is double bind…

    E.g. He wrote me a long email that contained a lot of stuff that sounded like he was making me wrong and his recollection of how certain scenarios had gone between us, as well as some statements about the relationship concepts I believe that he doesn’t (includung much of Rori’s stuff, which we have discussed because he works in the business)

    I didn’t know how to respond to that message, so I ignored the blame feelings and just wrote back in feeling messages about positive feelings of hope and love.

    So he wrote back that while my response was nice, he had really wanted to hear my thoughts about what he wrote.

    So I told him some of my thoughts about it, including my own recollections of how the incidents had gone.

    So his response was “If you want me to listen to you, it would be nice if you would listen to me. Every couples counselor will tell you that when you listen, you should reflect back to the person what they just said/wrote.. but instead, you told me what YOU think about what happened.”

    WTH?!?!



  436.  #436Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

    lk,

    thanks, yes, “wound up”… that’s how it seems to me too… and i agree with all you wrote there. 🙁 I feel bad, because I know he must be in pain, and probably really not liking himself and feeling insecure…. but I can’t let myself fix that by letting him dump it all on me, can I? 🙁



  437.  #437Coco Kisses on April 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Good afternoon Sirens

    I feel confident, and at ease today. I feel good, because I took the time to really put on my makeup the way I like. I had stopped in the morning, because of time, but I’ve made sure this week, that I get up early, put on my makeup, and put my best “face” forward. I feel attractive.

    I feel positive
    I feel light
    I feel excited for all the good things that are getting ready to happen to me

    I feel got invited out tonight, however I don’t want to go…I have tom any thigns to do…..

    I have really been reading so many bookd on attraction and female/male energy…I feel empowered, like I have this secret knowledge…lol…luv it!!

    I LOVE being a beauty professional, each day is rewarding, I feel like I’m an elite memeber of society, cause not everyone can make someone look good.

    Tomorrow morning is my 2nd personal training session….I intend to have the body I want this year!!!

    I intend to keep focused on loving me, I am noticing my patterns for men, I need to be open, and love myself a bit more, I know all the wonderful PAPIS will start coming out of the wood works

    I intend to have a “love of a lifetime” THIS YEAR.

    I feel magnetic



  438.  #438Starla on April 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

    sad



  439.  #439Starla on April 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

    ooh! i should get some food! that will really help my mood! i haven’t eaten anything real today at all!

    love to me!!!



  440.  #440lk on April 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

    good girl, star-la-la-la : )



  441.  #441Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Hi Dominique, and Happy Birthday! <3

    Your #419 to Julie…. I can't find Julie's post that you were responding to, and I am interested in reading her situation, wondering if there are similarities with mine. Is hers posted on another thread? Thanks!

    <3
    Lucy



  442.  #442lk on April 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    @Lucy,

    hmm…. well, i don’t want other people dumping things on me that feel like lists of my personal “fail-ings” lol… ummmmm

    ok, so you have tried your best to assume he is not “blaming” you…

    can you try saying something like…. “ooh i feel bad hearing that because it almost sounds like i’m expected to do all the work…. & i would feel overwhelmed being expected to do all the work… but please continue – i want to understand what you are asking from me in this relationship because it’s important to me that we both have clear ideas of what makes each other feel good”

    & just try sharing your physical reaction to his words, with an open heart & a slow mouth…. but without expecting or hoping him to change what he’s doing at the moment ?

    because it sounds like, in the moment, he is prioritizing Communication & Getting Things Done or Fixing Things… which means he cares a ton about You & his Relationship with you….. but… you’re Hearing It as a litany of faults….

    However, you have the choice to say, Ouch – you hurt me !!!! *OR* to say, “hmmm that is a weird feeling pain when i get poked right there…. sorry for interrupting… go ahead”

    just an idea…. if you detach from his comments & stop reacting to them, but continue to let him know that there is a distracting component to that kind of communication for you…. then you will be Focusing on You – so you can feel good… & at the same time, allowing him space to Change or Experiment…

    because it’s possible that he has begun to feel that he walks on eggshells or that he “knows the solution” but can’t “convince” you or “get you to listen” because of the negative feedback loop you have going right now in your communication…

    what do you think?



  443.  #443Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Daria, (and anyone else)

    I was taking your advice and not reading his messages for the last 12 hours or so…. and now I finally broke down and read a message he had sent me this morning… I have not yet responded to it.

    In the message he says that so much in his life is not where it needs to be, and he listed the things (which is what I had thought — he is very stressed).

    Then he writes that he is sorry for not being stronger at times, more patient, more understanding, more secure…. and that though he has always felt loving and caring and compassionate toward me he is sorry that he failed to show it to me at times.

    So now i feel torn.

    It feels like too little too late. (judgment?)

    I just don’t feel great reading it. I feel scared of being sucked in again.

    I feel glad and warm that he said those things (I feel glad mostly for his sake).

    Yet I feel untrusting.

    I don’t know what to do.

    My daughter and i talked about the situation last night and she told me I should absolutely not read his messages (“Daria is right”) because she said that he will know exactly what to say to get me to respond.

    My daughter says he is a lot like her, and she knows how good she is at saying just the thing to pull someone back in (She admits she does it with me, with great success — and she says she is working on not doing it — which is true, because it has been ages since she has done that with me.)



  444.  #444Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I went to yoga class with my best friend and we went breakfast. A ear ago, we had our 10 months friendship anniversary but we didn’t celebrate. We talked about going away for a weekend this summer to celebrate our friendship. We’re planning a girls weekend in Quebec City.

    I feel excited to be focusing on other things then men in the last two days. And it should continue, as I’m gonna be busy with running, the new car, the new job, the new life!!

    Woohoo!!



  445.  #445lk on April 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    lean back
    go slow
    open your heart
    share your truth
    live in Heaven

    lol that is what i want my new motto to be : )



  446.  #446Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Lk, thanks.

    I feel like I am walking on eggshells with *him.* I have felt that way for a long time, and figured it was just that I was continuing to have to work at applying Rori’s tools correctly.

    Maybe he feels that way too. Yes it is likely. We are both walking on eggshells.

    We both feel like we are not hearing each other and we both feel sad and frustrated.

    I asked him what he thinks is the solution… and he just went into the list of what I have done that has impeded a solution. I listen and listen and read the emails he sends, and I never see a solution presented — just what I did wrong or am doing wrong.

    Part of it is that he has a really indirect style of communication and he thinks what he is saying is crystal clear, but to me it is hard to understand what his points are. And he asks questions that I don’t even understand the question…. Or he says something without asking a question, and then asks me why I didn’t answer the question (when there wasn’t actually a question).

    His communication style is very similar to Jacqueline’s (a siren who was on the blog a while back). And some of you may remember how Jacqueline and I struggled to understand each other.

    🙁



  447.  #447Starla on April 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    i feel soooooooooooooooooo sad
    i am eating but it’s not changing anything

    i keep telling myself not to call him.

    i need to let this intense sadness pass.

    i’ll just end up crying to him.

    but i do really really want to call

    i love my discomfort

    ((((((((((((me)))))))))))))))

    and in 4 hours or less, i’ll be heading home to take care of myself:)



  448.  #448lk on April 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    (((Lucy))) well you can only do what you can do & you want to feel good, so go deep in your heart & ask your pouting little girl what she wants. then give it to her : )

    you have a long life & i’m sure he’s just a very small part of it….. he can come & go…. no sweat…. you have a lovely life : )))

    there is so much power in realizing that you Own your entire “reality”…. you choose your feelings, you choose your words, you choose your actions ! you choose to have the relationship you want : )))

    you choose right this second if you want to sit down & write an email or if you want to skip out early, grab your daughter, & head out on a picnic adventure. you choose. it’s your life : )



  449.  #449lk on April 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    (((((Starla)))))



  450.  #450Starla on April 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    really really really really heart broken and sad.



  451.  #451Mochaberri on April 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    @ FW #389 – Who is that by? Is there another part to it??



  452.  #452Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    ((((Starla))))



  453.  #453Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    I remember Jacqueline. I used to feel like she was constantly shouting at me or making general statements that did not link with a train of thought. I have someone else in my office who seem to talk in parables and when I tell him that he seems to be doing that he thinks he is clear. I can only connect with him when there is laughter and banter but when deep things are discussed it feels like he is talking over my head.

    I can appreciate when some coaches encourage us to talk in his language.



  454.  #454lk on April 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    it’s ok starla, just one more week.



  455.  #455April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I have the MOST delicious plan, and also very little money. But if it takes the last of my funds it’ll be worth it.
    I am going to fly myself off to the wilds of Southern Spain for a whole week of Flamenco Dance school….

    What d’ya think??



  456.  #456Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    The other part is in 392 Mocha.



  457.  #457Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Holy Crap April Rose. What an adventure!! I am sure your feminine instincts will be multipled after that.



  458.  #458Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    April Rose, sounds amazing. Southern Spain is beautiful. Seville is a gorgeous city.



  459.  #459Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    weird, aprilrose, my comment went into moderation. I don’t know why!

    i said, sounds amazing. Southern Spain is beautiful. Seville is a gorgeous city.



  460.  #460Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    argh, two of my comments went into moderation. no idea why. i was just trying to say that spain sounds awesome, go for it!



  461.  #461lk on April 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    starla, no idea why i say “one more week” ….. kind of like, “just around the next bend” i suppose…. but eventually it will be true : )



  462.  #462Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Lucy about the email I believe it is okay that he does that. His message might be “stay strong with your boundaries”. We might see it as manipulative but taking responsibility for your own life is more rewarding. Maybe if you don’t respond to those messages if he really feels like you are the “One” he will find another way to connect with you and give you what you want.



  463.  #463Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    did the word Seville put me in moderation?



  464.  #464Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    omg it was the city i was referring to. s3vill3. how funny! maybe rori hates flamenco and paella



  465.  #465Femininewoman on April 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    lk – It is not easy to understand what people mean when they say “you hurt me”. It is one of the things I have learned from Rori not to use. I am not sure I have the right words to explain but I saw Daria kind of elaborated about that recently and it resonated with me.



  466.  #466April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Yes, it is in Seville!
    I have never been to Spain.
    Feeling scared and excited to meet matadors and sultry ladies down midnight alleyways…



  467.  #467April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    How very odd. I too have landed in moderation upon mentioning that great Andalusian city. ???

    Wanted to share that I’m feeling nervous and excited in the thought of encountering passionate matadors and dark sultry ladies down midnight alleyways…



  468.  #468Rori Raye on April 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Daria – I LOVE you!! You are SO cool and open-hearted and open-minded! I love this comment…Love, Rori



  469.  #469Jilly on April 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    (((((Starla))))



  470.  #470Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I want to upload my pictures online of that city for you now! I will do this when i get home….unless you’ve already been there?



  471.  #471Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Sirens,

    Does one of you remember the website to meet up people with common interests?

    Meetup.com?



  472.  #472Rori Raye on April 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Brandylion – Targeting Mr. Right is the program for you (after the ebook) – it’s all nuts-and-bolts, with huge bonuses of trauma solving techniques, and how to do conversations..it’s all there for you to help you Circular Date…

    Don’t worry about “letting him go” – just focus on what’s in front of you! Love, Rori



  473.  #473Jilly on April 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    April Rose that would feel AMAZING!!!!! 🙂 Great plan!

    I spent 6 months in Spain…it feels very romantic there 🙂



  474.  #474lk on April 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    osh osh osh that bad boy still has not responded to me.

    which simply means that I do just what i please when i leave work, with no errand requests from the poor mountain-bound man.

    that means the only groceries i’m buying are beer & ice cream. oh, sorry ! you are dating a child o_0 LOL



  475.  #475Jilly on April 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Lizka…congrats on the princess car!!! 🙂 yay…everything is working out for you!!



  476.  #476lk on April 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    @Femininewoman 465

    actually, i was imagining someone saying, “oh ! hm i notice that sentence felt bad for me to hear & i felt a little distracted….. apologies for interrupting; please continue ” instead of saying “hurt” & “you”…..

    i agree, it feels bad for someone to think that your Action & your Intention led to “injury”



  477.  #477T-Girl on April 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Lizka – yes, meetup.com

    I met J at a meetup.com event. It was actually a poker party at his house. When people ask how we met he says that I showed up on his doorstep lol.



  478.  #478Jilly on April 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    ok…so Military Man who asked me to friend him on FB and I never responded…((((yay Jilly) just started texting me….hmmmm….

    let’s remember that for our first date he never showed up then told me he URGENTLY had to leave the country and not tell me…

    then 6 weeks in after quite a few dates….he made a date then never showed up…I never heard from him again (nor did I lean forward) and NOW he wants to connect?????????????? He’s silly 🙂



  479.  #479April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    FW, Starla, Jilly
    Thanks for the encouragement. Tho’ it feels strange about the ‘moderation moment’. Hmmm.

    Starla, I’d love to see your photos. I have never been to Spain.

    Jilly, Starla,
    Did being there ‘multiply your feminine instincts’ as suggested by FW? I love the sound of this.



  480.  #480Lizka on April 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Oh! I found a meetup group on Meetup.com for young and chic ladies in who likes to go out! I subscribed!!

    Maybe I’ll get more occasion to go clubbing and meet men!



  481.  #481Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    i think what happened (just guessing) is that when Rori entered d*vil, she typo’d with an S, or did it on purpose in case anyone else typo’s… lol detective Starla on the case



  482.  #482April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    or e*vil



  483.  #483Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    i never went into moderation for evil



  484.  #484April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Not insignificant is that ‘e*vil’ is ‘live’ reversed…..



  485.  #485Starla on April 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    hahaha i ironically just went into moderation saying i never went into moderation for e*vil



  486.  #486April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    hee hee



  487.  #487Lucy on April 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    FW, I love this:

    “Lucy about the email I believe it is okay that he does that. His message might be “stay strong with your boundaries”. We might see it as manipulative but taking responsibility for your own life is more rewarding. Maybe if you don’t respond to those messages if he really feels like you are the “One” he will find another way to connect with you and give you what you want.”

    Thank you. I feel good reading this. My daughter and I were just talking about that — that he doesn’t intend to be manipulative, and his words are completely sincere — he just wants to connect with me and is trying to find a way that “works.” I love him for that, actually.

    I SO agree with you about the “message” — “stay strong with your boundaries.”

    And I feel so soft and open reading your last sentence: “Maybe if you don’t respond to those messages if he really feels like you are the “One” he will find another way to connect with you and give you what you want.”

    I feel open to him finding a way.

    Thank you, FW.

    Btw, have you ever heard of matchmatrix dot com? I don’t know how i feel about the overall concept; however, it talks about two distinct styles of communication — logical and emotional — and the trouble that occurs trying to understand each other. Jacqueline and my guy and my daughter and my mom all have that emotional style (as defined by matchmatrix), while my dad and I have the logical style.

    And some people are more extreme than others on it — I am fairly high logical comm and he is fairly high emotional comm. It sounds like the guy you mentioned at work may be emotional com as well.

    We are both aware of this and have been determined to move past it and not be locked into defined styles etc….. but it still seems like a factor in our difficulties.

    I have even worked with it as a limiting belief — and, since, it is supposdely based on energy of the universe at your birth or whatever, I have done a Daria move and declared that I can change the universe and its energy. 🙂

    But so far…. 🙁



  488.  #488Jilly on April 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    FW…so interesting that you saw my post as HOT PINK!!!! I LOVE that!!! 🙂 My old website was HOT PINK and I kind of miss it…..interesting…



  489.  #489April Rose on April 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    I like the moderation intervention now, and I will take it as a sign to book the trip!!!

    E*vil is one of my favourite Archetypical forces.

    Actually there is no such thing as someone who in themself IS e*vil. They are only judged as being so, by someone else.



  490.  #490Mel on April 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    The mice are busy today. Crazy-making. But I like that I can separate the “crazy” from the “Mel” by bestowing those qualities onto the mice. It helps me to think about things in a different way too. I can have a rational vs irrational “conversation” with them.

    Hrrrrm…. perhaps I really am crazy?