It’s How You Look At Things That Makes The Difference In Love

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I absolutely love this from – be sure to go there and get your own free “Notes From The Universe…”

“Shake the burden that comes from seeing your baby steps, Rori, as a necessary discipline.

See them, instead, as optional dance moves, in life’s conga line, that spark miracles, open floodgates, and lead to the near effortless manifestations of unlimited spending account and perfect inner peaces.

The Universe

This lightened my mood, my evening, my thoughts…everything. All it takes is being determined to make the choice every moment to “frame” everything as an opportunity instead of a burden.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on December 21, 2012 at 8:44 am


  2.  #2Femininewoman on December 21, 2012 at 8:45 am

    “make the choice every moment to “frame” everything as an opportunity”

  3.  #3Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 8:50 am

    “life’s conga line” I love it!!! 🙂

    Much Love,

  4.  #4Goodheart on December 21, 2012 at 9:10 am

    I love my notes from the Universe 🙂

    On the website where you can fill in “I will soon” – everything that I put in there has happened.

    It feels magical 🙂

  5.  #5Starla on December 21, 2012 at 9:20 am

    conga conga conga!

  6.  #6Rebekah on December 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Im using this dissconnected feeling to finally open up and fill mine and our world with my needs, desires and truths… Bring on the FM opportunities universe I’m ready!

  7.  #7Starla on December 21, 2012 at 9:43 am

    i had my first stressful dream in over a month. maybe two months

    i dreamt i woke up today with huge pimples on my face!

    i must be nervous about seeing qz for the first time in 8-9 months tonight hehe

    but on the surface i feel fine, i really do.

    and i had’t noticed i was sleeping so peacefully. that’s great!:)

  8.  #8Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Well, the story continues…
    After he ragged me so bad about the book and didn’t show up–just sent emails–he is all pleasant and full of ideas again.
    I know he was on Match last night long enough to pop out a bunch more ineffective emails. NOTHING ever happens for him. It is pure fantasy.
    In the meantime–he asked me out for tonight, says he just got paid for a couple of jobs. His first suggestion was either his tow OR my town. I texted back that I don’t want to go to his town. And that I would be free at 4 PM. He texted that he would call me.
    I am considering limiting this date to 1-2 hours. It will be a “happy hour” date.
    I am perhaps going to say “this has been lovely, but I have to get back. I have plans with some friends…”
    He may want to tag along–that is what he does sometimes. So I have to be prepared for that.

    What do y’all think? I said to myself that I would only see him if he came to my place, 20 miles from his, and takes me out. So, here he is. Do I need to place limits even on that?

  9.  #9Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Starla: “but on the surface i feel fine, i really do.” And you are also pimple free, right? 🙂

    Much Love,

  10.  #10Femininewoman on December 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

    RE 8 – He texted that he would call me.

    I know I couldn’t be waiting around for that call. It might drive me insane.

  11.  #11Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

    FW– I won’t wait. I have a regular Friday routine, and plan on walking down to a place I haven’t tried, a Port Works. He can collect me there.
    If he fails–I will go to my usual Friday night dance spot and hang out with the crowd. They are fun usually.

  12.  #12Femininewoman on December 21, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Sounds fantastic Miss Bells

  13.  #13Daria on December 21, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Mel – in actually going to Have lots of kids. Soon. As soon as I get married. I want 4 at first and maybe more later.

    I was vividly talking about it w a CD last nite 🙂

    I’m gona be nursing and home’schooling’ 🙂

  14.  #14Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 10:15 am

    In fact–the dancing place is one of the places HE suggested. But I am not sure I want to go THERE with HIM. It is kinda my private hangout, and there is a man (8 years younger than me) who likes to sit with me and picks up the food tab. Not really a CD but I did go up to his loft–right upstairs, and have a night-cap and watch a little tube last week. Then I walked home (4 blocks).
    I am not sure I want to mix HS and that part of my life.

  15.  #15Rebekah on December 21, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Mercedes. Answer to the other post..

    I feel dissconnected to N. my hrs going through the same trials as me and N are and she’s leaving her guy.. I feel triggered to think I need to do the same because our relationships are so similar.. Yet idk if that’s the right move or if Iam just feeling overly sensitive because he has seemed so consumed by something else and very much not in the same world as me..

  16.  #16Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 10:21 am

    And another place nearby, and very good, is Kayak-man’s hangout, so that may not be good. Kayak-man met me on OKC, obviously liked me, and then we met by accident at the above mentioned cafe yesterday. He invited me to trivia night, but I got hung-up.
    He volunteers at Friends of the River, and will teach me to Kayak.
    HS doesn’t know I have a LIFE. But he will know it soon.
    I actually still have very tender feelings for HS. He is his own worst enemy. He won’t allow himself much. I am his closest friend, but that is not enough for me. I don’t want him to be sad or twisted up. I will go out with him with an open heart. But I can’t let him roll me under like a crocodile.
    It is his turn to make ALL the effort.

  17.  #17Daria on December 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Miss Bells – I would disconnect my ability to view when he goes on match. I would avoid checking that.

    Also I wonder if noticing his attempts being ineffectual is a way to feel tender towards him and cover other feelings.

  18.  #18GlowStix on December 21, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Mmmm Daria



    And hmmm wow. I’m having epiphanies here!

  19.  #19Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Good point Daria–BUT that is the ONE thing that just pisses me off.

    I have tender feeling because of his basic sweetness. It is hard to describe. I really do love him, and strangely, as Indigo pointed out on the next to last thread, he does love me.

    But–this translates to not much of anything unless he steps up.

    Making him come to me IF he wants to see me, and take me OUT is part of me retraining him on my value.

    My part? I will look GREAT (dress, heels, make-up, hair) and be a fun companion, and have him take me home before he wants to….

  20.  #20LoveAlways on December 21, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Imagining my motions forward (these baby steps) as sparks!!! Shiny sparkly sparks emanating in front of me with each choice I take! Today is all about new beginnings, and I like the vision this has given me. I can work with this! Thanks for sharing Rori!!


  21.  #21Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

    In a way–seeing that he goes on Match helps me maintain my boundaries. I need to always bear in mind the negative if I am to evaluate this man accurately.

  22.  #22LoveAlways on December 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

    I too had an awful dream last night. But I woke up with a realization and a lesson . . . I “stay” when I should “leave.” The lesson was to be more aware of what I am receiving and if it is not feeling right/good, then I need to get away, leave, unstick my wings and make my way out of there. I felt awful knowing that this has been my pattern for years. Staying with guys and enduring bad treatment when all I had to do was walk away. And then I would hold on these icky guys like I had no life!!! ((((((HUGS))))))) I woke up healing this, seeing the ugly truth of my life and moving on to a new beginning today. YEA for a new beginning for me!

  23.  #23Calypso on December 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Starla – I can’t wait to hear how it goes with you and qz tonight. I will have to try to log on from home over the weekend to make sure I don’t miss your update! I wish you joy 🙂

  24.  #24BeLoved on December 21, 2012 at 11:24 am

    I love all the talk about dreams!!

    Yesterday C asked why I asked him to stop kissing me on the neck, and I told him how it makes me feel bonded to him and it feels bad to feel so bonded to someone who isn’t committed to me.

    Last night, I dreamed I was talking to him on the phone and saying, “I’ve had enough of the pain. That time a few weeks ago when I was triggered was bad enough, but this last time did me in. No more.”

    Even at my deeper unconscious levels something has shifted.
    Thank you, yes, done done done.

  25.  #25Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Rebekah: I’m so sorry you are hurting. I wouldn’t base any decision about my own relationship on something another person has decided to do regardless of similarities. I would love to see you just lean back and take good care of yourself and see where that takes you. I know how hard it is to feel disconnected from someone you care for though….really a painful place to be and my heart goes out to you.

    Much Love,

  26.  #26BeLoved on December 21, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Also thinking about a guy I work with who triggered me a LOT in the beginning.
    He never has anything good to say, if I say, “good morning!” he says, “Well, it’s morning, there’s nothing good about it.”
    He called a female contractor a pig (not to her face) because he didn’t like her looks. That one just about made me jump out of my skin and punch him in the face!
    Et cetera, et cetera.
    I riffed on the triggers, felt the feelings
    and sat for a while once, feeling love and approval for him.
    At first, he was ALWAYS around. I’d get stuck working with him and interacting with him and he’d seek me out.
    After the riff/love/approval fest, I hardly even see him anymore and when I do, he doesn’t irritate me in the least. He actually seems like a cartoon character and makes me laugh. I can’t take him seriously anymore.

    I wonder if I can shift my experience of my brother-n-law that way? (I feel queasy in my belly just typing that).
    I’ll see him for Christmas Eve…could be an interesting experiment.

  27.  #27janie baby on December 21, 2012 at 11:33 am


    For a while I took your advice of leaning back with my boyfriend of 2 years who started acting distant and not the loving amazing one he used to be who was my best friend.
    It worked for a while, and then starting a month ago he started neglecting me again and it didn’t feel good. I finally snapped last week and told him that was it. He tried to prove himself came over tuesday night before i left for break. And told me he really wanted me and to work on things. We slept together. Next day he said he’d call me after his last exam that night. Never did. I just snapped. Finally I told him I don’t want to be treated like a FWB. I won’t consider him my boyfriend until I receive the treatment I want which is the kind of relationship we used to have. I told him I want a boyfriend who shows me love. He got really mad at me and instead of comforting me crying or telling me he loved me he hung up on me. I think it’s really over.
    He’s gonna call me later though ( i think) sometime in the next few days.
    What do i do? Not answer… say something?
    I just feel lost. I’m really sad 🙁

  28.  #28GingerSky on December 21, 2012 at 11:52 am

    I just suddenly and randomly decided to post the following to share my happy/helpful thoughts for the day… didn’t realize how fitting it is…

    “Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will continue to press every button we have, until we realize what it is that we don’t want to know about ourselves, yet. They will point us to our freedom every time.” ― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

    More quotes from Katie:

  29.  #29Calypso on December 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

    New POF guy from the other day just texted me again. He seems sort of nice and possibly “normal” . . .lol. That’s a lot for me to say these days as I seem to have emersed myself in skepticism. I’m still as sick as a wet dog . . . hoping my sinus infection goes away before Christmas!!! I really don’t feel up to doing anything, much less flirting with a man I have never met – I need a nap amd probably a shot in the butt . . .

  30.  #30Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Oh Janie Baby…that’s so hard. I know when we lean back and tell a man what we want/don’t want, what our boundaries are, etc, it can sometimes cause anger or cause them to walk away. I believe the real key is that WE have to decide what we really want and WE have to take care of ourselves. Regardless of what he does or doesn’t do. It might be over for him. If so, it’s because he doesn’t want to give you what you need…and I don’t think you want to be with a man who doesn’t want to give you what you need.

    If it were me, I would stay true to what I said to him. If you really mean you don’t want to be treated like a FWB then, in my opinion, you have to refuse to be treated that way. If you really won’t consider him your boyfriend, then in my opinion, you can’t act like his girlfriend. If you don’t have a boyfriend then you should be able to feel comfortable dating, meeting and flirting with other men, etc. And you’ll have to decide, if it comes up again, whether or not you want to sleep with a man when you don’t want to be treated like a FWB and who you don’t consider your boyfriend.

    For me, leaning back and walking away “worked” but it wasn’t intended to. It was intended as a way to take care of myself and get myself out of a situation that was making me sad and hurt. For J, it made him realize that losing me forever was a real possibility.

    If I were you, I wouldn’t cut off the conversation. I would answer his call (as long as I was free to do so…I wouldn’t probably sit around waiting for that call though) and I would absolutely say something again. It’s okay to repeat what you want and what you don’t want…just understand that those things may not be something he is willing to give you. If they’re not, then can you live without him? Or, can you accept that and live with him in your life the way he is treating you now?

    You are the only person who can decide what you must have in order to be happy and you are the only person who can decide to do whatever you need to do in order to be happy. He will do whatever it is he does. Doing something to because it “works” probably won’t get you the best results. Doing something because it is what you need to do in order to take care of yourself usually will.

    I’m so sorry you’re sad and lost…I’ve been there. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I picked up my own pieces and I moved on. J came and found me. I’m happy he did (really happy) but there was no way I could have known that at the time and I was prepared to find my true love regardless of where he ended up in life.

    🙁 I’m hurting for you right now. My wish for you is that the right man show up in your life whether that be this boyfriend or another. I want you to have the man of your dreams.

    Much Love,

  31.  #31GingerSky on December 21, 2012 at 11:54 am

    (that is, the happy/helpful thoughts that came into my awareness and which are helping ME… and which you may also get something from 😉 )

  32.  #32GingerSky on December 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

    #27 janie baby I would acknowledge to him that i know he’s hurting too, and that I care, a lot. And that I want to make this change in my life too, and I realize it may feel bad for him… but it is very serious for me and I wish him well.

  33.  #33GingerSky on December 21, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    #21 Miss Bells Yeah, I agree… same thing I shared with k2012 toward end of yesterday’s thread… man = dirty socks on floor, liking other women as much as he likes me, etc… keeps me sober enough to evaluate him, exactly.

    Gotta run, love to all!

  34.  #34Rebekah on December 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm


    Thank you for your words, i appreciate your compassion..
    I will not base my decision on someone else’s relationship, I just feel so triggered when she comes to me for help, I’m like look chicks I’m In the same boat… :/ I get a great deal of I site from your postings..especially from #30 that spoke a lot to me..

  35.  #35Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 12:56 pm

  36.  #36Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Rebekah: I’m happy you find comfort in my words. I understand what you are saying about your friend. It would be hard to be able to help her when you’re experiencing something similar. Maybe you can be there for her…listen to her with compassion but let her know you don’t know what advice to give her because you’re hurting too.

    Much Love,

  37.  #37Rebecca on December 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    This blog has really helped me. I can’t put into words how much.

    I realise my hardest thing is to not over function. I’m so used to wanting to care for everyone, and put everyones needs before my own.

    And then I get disappointed when my needs r not met.

  38.  #38janie baby on December 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Thanks Mercedes!
    I always love your advice. 🙂
    I’m gonna save this.
    Yeah part of me feels guilty. I feel like a brat since he’s “stressed” and he’s “busy” and then he was “celebrating” so he could never think of me. But at the same time I feel cheated. For so long it was oh i’ll love you forever and treating me like a best friend. And so after a while when someone keeps not calling when they say they will and not following through, I just can feel the love not there even if they say they love me.
    Actions speak louder than words.
    It really hurts to walk away but yes I agree with you. I’ll see in time if he can step up and if not, he’ll just fade away.
    I guess I just need the strength not to give in. A strong part of me wants to call him when something funny happens or just to be like WHAT HAPPENED TO being best friends!?
    But i won’t because that won’t serve me or make me feel good.
    <3 thanks so much. i guess sometimes i second guess myself and don't know if I'm being too "sensitive" but I just feel like the kind of boyfriend I WANT would comfort me (like he used to for so long) instead of hanging up on me.

  39.  #39Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    For me HS’s actions have been to pull me close, but his words push me away.

    He will meet me at the Port Works after my walk, at 4 PM.

  40.  #40Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    He has been commenting on my posts and now–chatting me. I work on FB for a living, so I have to be there. I guess I will just observe his behavior for now.

  41.  #41janie baby on December 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Miss Bells .. listen to “the last time” by taylor swift.
    It’s sooooooooo good about giving someone a chance to make you a priority.
    sounds like a good idea to just lean back and observe his behavior.

  42.  #42janie baby on December 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Ginger sky : I appreciate the advice xoxo

  43.  #43Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Janie Baby: This about stopped my heart: “A strong part of me wants to call him when something funny happens”

    I remember that feeling sooooo much! There were days it took every ounce of my willpower not to share something with him. I really didn’t want to fall back into the trap though and I was so afraid I would if I treated him like a friend. But…oh my…it was not easy!

    ” I feel like a brat since he’s “stressed” and he’s “busy” and then he was “celebrating” so he could never think of me. ”

    And in my opinion, YOU deserve to be a priority no matter what is going on in his life. A man who loves you will ensure you are.

    Much Love,

  44.  #44janie baby on December 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Definitely I agree.
    And I’ve never committed to a guy like this. for a year and a half he put me first and I never doubted he loved me. I believed it was forever.
    So yeah then I felt trapped when things start falling apart, so now I just don’t want to be committed to someone who won’t put me first.
    So yeah I don’t know if I’ll answer his calls for a few days. I’m always available for him and it hurts. I get excited and I want him to miss me. I know I have to focus on me though and not count on reaction from him but it just hurts to pick up for a bit.
    I don’t know.
    Need some space to think.

    And yes I agree. I understand mistakes happen and people forget to follow through but if you want the pleasure of me calling you my boyfriend, you better treat me well. If not why shouldn’t I be able and go flirt with other guys?

    I just have to keep telling myself this.

  45.  #45Rebecca on December 21, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    I am dreading Xmas. I feel ill at the thought of it. I am fearful of seeing my mum. I have decided not to this year. I haven’t spoken to her for a year or so. I always over function amd contact her. I need help with this..,

  46.  #46Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Janie Baby: I have a suggestion about how to handle not answering his calls for a couple of days (because that can really, really hurt a man who is trying to reach out). I had to do it with J too. I wasn’t strong enough to be talking to him and I needed some space…just like you. I actually didn’t think he would ever call me again but when he did, I ignored the call. I immediately sent him a text saying something like “I need some me time right now. I have to take some time for myself and I can’t talk to you while I’m doing it.” Something like that. I can’t remember the exact words but basically I didn’t just leave him hanging and me not answering or calling him back. I didn’t give him any cause to worry about me (we had a pattern of answering each other’s calls right away) or anything like that. I waited for him to reach out to me first but then I was honest with him and told him I couldn’t talk to him for a while. I think that was respectful. Not sure if it’s something you want to do but thought I’d offer it up there as a suggestion.

    Much Love,

  47.  #47Mercedes on December 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Merry Christmas!!!! I’m on vacation until the 27th so may not be out here to wish it later…

    Much Love,

  48.  #48Rebecca on December 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm


    Your dream intrigues me. When I read pimples on your face I imediately thought ‘self protection’. You might want your pimples to hide the real you?

    Sorry, if this is to deep.

  49.  #49Daria on December 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    “Nobel Prize for Chemistry in 2003. The
    Nobel laureates had found that the transport of water molecules into cells is based on an electromagnetic mechanism, not on osmosis nor diffusion, as
    taught before.”

  50.  #50Tam on December 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Good luck Starla!!

  51.  #51Tam on December 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    So, apparently, you don’t friend-zone the alpha male 😉
    Today is the first day since we met at the beginning of Dec, that I did not hear from Curly….

  52.  #52Annie on December 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    replies from last thread.

    1230: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Beloved.

    Friday, 21 December 2012 @ 2:44pm
    1231: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    1206: Femininewoman says:

    RE 1199 – Annie This is an idea that struck me reading this post. I honor your experience. I also want to say that it is possible they were doing the best they know how at the time.

    I know they were FW doing their absolute best at the time. They were unaware and developmentally unable at that moment in time to behave in any other way. Just as I was. Doesn’t change the fact that they were toxic relationships for me and harmful to me.
    And now I am aware of that the best thing for me to do is take care of myself, carry on healing speak my truth in feelings to them, which I do and wants and don’t wants and decide what are dealbreakers and personal boundaries for me as I am no longer a victim and a helpless child and choose to remove myself and not put myself in harmful situations as much as possible. And keep my children away from harmful toxic situations or people with a history of harming them as much as possible.

    Friday, 21 December 2012 @ 2:59pm
    1232: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I want to do everything in my power to break the cycle, dysfunction and pattern of abuse so my children learn something new and do not go on to repeat it to their children and future generations.

  53.  #53Tam on December 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    I mean started dating, we met way back..

  54.  #54Tam on December 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Annie, admirable and not as easy as it sounds, breaking the pattern. Even my friend who is a child psychologist is struggling with her own little family as her husband grew up in a dysfunctional one. She says she is always aware…
    But we are all in the same boat regarding this, and again we can only try our best.
    No family is perfect.

  55.  #55Annie on December 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    21: Miss Bells says:

    “In a way–seeing that he goes on Match helps me maintain my boundaries. I need to always bear in mind the negative if I am to evaluate this man accurately.”

    I agree with you Miss Bells and Gingersky. If we do not even know what his actions are how are we able to either choose or not choose if that mans actions are a dealbreaker or not for us.

  56.  #56Annie on December 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    It would feel like I was burying my head in the sand to me to turn a blind eye and be lalalaallala I don’t want to know as what i don’t know can’t hurt me.
    I would rather be hurt by the truth and then do what I needed to heal and get myself out of a hurtful situation than deceived and protected by a lie or secret.

  57.  #57Goddess Lily on December 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm


  58.  #58Miss Bells on December 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    He is still trying to demand that I be his “pal”. But he is calling me, emailing me, chatting me, driving to my town, taking me out…

    I am trying to decide what to say yo him. Tonight–maybe nothing. I can leave and walk home if I need too.

    He was supposed to be here at 4, but got hung up working, now it will be 5 instead.

    I will give him from 5 to 6:30. Then I have other plans.

  59.  #59BAB on December 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    36- Mercedes. Yes i believe i am going to have to do that from this point on.. Too hard to decipher my thoughts/feelings from hers.. Merry Christmas! Hope it is a happy one.

  60.  #60Heart on December 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    CudG flew away on a Jet plane…without a goodbye….without a post date follow up…
    I feel angry….
    I feel kinda over it…
    I feel just fed up….
    I guess he lost interest in me…
    Fine then….
    I’m bored of micro-analysing his actions…
    This big picture is: this is unsatisfying….

    Strangely enough…this guy I turned down twice….emailed me today trying to flirt with me…
    And an old friend called me last night …
    Men are resurfacing…

    I feel good…I feel hurt..I feel good…Hurt…good…hurt…
    I want to balance out soon…
    It sucks!

  61.  #61Heart on December 21, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    He did say goodbye on the date…but Still!
    To me if a man doesn’t right u/calls after a date it means he’s not interested and should move on…Right???

  62.  #62Heart on December 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    write u

  63.  #63BeLoved on December 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm


    Annie, I have no doubts you are passing on something amazing to your children.

    Just reading this post from the previous thread:

    “I am a highly sensitive person.
    I love my heightened sensitivity it beings me great joy and pleasure and is also there to protects me. It feels important not to ignore the painful side that this sensitivity brings me, it serves me well and alerts me to when I need to take responsibility and care for and look after myself by disengaging and moving away from people who gaslight me as this is harmful to my heart and soul.
    It is my responsibility to take care of my heart and soul and look after them well.”

    changed me.
    I could feel the power in your statement.
    It felt like something that had nasty hooks all in my soul was pulled out.

    The visual was like a massive, multihued brightly colored insectoid creature was feeding on my body and had spiny legs attached to my shoulders, collarbone, solar plexus and gut.

    While reading and thinking about your post, it was as if I could see a giant hand pulling it out. It left me feeling a little raw, and greatly relieved.

    It feels a little strange, to have it gone. It’s been there for I don’t know how long and I’m adapting to the new feeling of it being absent.

    It was as if you taking a strong stand on disengaging from harmful behavior somehow gave me permission to protect myself without judging myself for being weak and cowardly.

    If you are doing that for me just over the internet, my heart feels touched for how your children must feel.

  64.  #64BeLoved on December 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm


    Heart…well, how is this working for you?
    Is this cycle of hurt/good hurt/good working for you?
    Is a guy who poofs and now is going out of the country what you are looking for?

    You have so much power here!

    Dating is like a buffet. We don’t have to keep eating the stuff that gives us food poisoning when there are 100 hundred other dishes and 10,000 other restaurants.

    It’s not about whether he likes or is interested in you, it’s about whether you like how he’s treating you and deciding whether it works for you.

  65.  #65Annie on December 21, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    That made me cry beloved.
    It feels like we are all connected and helping each other.

    “While reading and thinking about your post, it was as if I could see a giant hand pulling it out. It left me feeling a little raw, and greatly relieved.

    It feels a little strange, to have it gone. It’s been there for I don’t know how long and I’m adapting to the new feeling of it being absent.”

    Hopefully now after the feeling of relief the the wound/s that left an empty holes that creature left will be followed by feelings that follow will be peace calm love and then healing wholeness and Bliss. X Hugs

  66.  #66Heart on December 21, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Why can’t Mr. Right….just fall into my lap..
    or me fall into his lap.

  67.  #67BeLoved on December 21, 2012 at 6:56 pm


    muahahaha just had a visual of you sitting on a park bench by a running path, tripping hot runner men as they go by so they “accidentally” fall in your lap…
    you walking into a crowded movie theater, scoping out a prospect and ‘accidentally’ tripping over his feet and falling in his lap 🙂

  68.  #68Luzydel on December 21, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    This is something with me….

    I could get all excited about something and or a man, try to figure it out, get it, go all over to see how it works, then when I discover it and figure it out and I see there’s nothing else to it… I drop it, I get bored…

    I need a man that can keep me interested, that is complex like me.

  69.  #69Luzydel on December 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    No signs from “D” and I don’t feel tempted to contact him at all; after almost 2 years he has given me all he can give me, so why bother; if he is not at my door telling me how much he misses me and wants me, then he doesn’t wants me at all. Oh well!

  70.  #70BeLoved on December 21, 2012 at 7:12 pm


    Annie yes, the healing is happening.

    I took a nap earlier and dreamed that I was being lifted up, higher and higher. I didn’t feel totally surrendered and relaxed, but was lucid enough to breath and let go enough to allow myself to be lifted.
    I asked, “who is carrying me?” and looked up to see a black hawk lifting up my spirit.

    Which reminds me, that yesterday on the drive home I saw two enormous black hawks perched on a streetlight, side by side. Very unusual.

    “The hawk comes to you indicating that you are now awakening to your soul purpose, your reason for being here. It can teach you how to fly high while keeping yourself connected to the ground.”

    Hugs back atcha

  71.  #71Senior Lady Vibe on December 21, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    @Rori says:

    Rori via ‘…Shake the burden that comes from seeing your baby steps, Rori, as a necessary discipline…’

    &Rori says: “…frame everything as an opportunity instead of a burden.
    Love, Rori”

    I say: “Yes!”

    My father taught me to do baby steps to reach goals. I’ve been doing that for decades and decades.

    And …using “beautiful magic” to turn something less that hoped for into something wonderful… I’ve been doing that too…. for years.

    Maybe that guy is copying me… 🙂


  72.  #72Senior Lady Vibe on December 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Oops:shock: I haven’t been visiting the blog much lately and I’ve forgotten about the only one ht tp rule. I’ve fallen into moderation. 😥 for #71 comment below:
    @Rori says:

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    @Rori says:

    Rori via ‘…Shake the burden that comes from seeing your baby steps, Rori, as a necessary discipline…’

    &Rori says: “…frame everything as an opportunity instead of a burden.
    Love, Rori”

    I say: “Yes!”

    My father taught me to do baby steps to reach goals. I’ve been doing that for decades and decades.

    And …using “beautiful magic” to turn something less that hoped for into something wonderful… I’ve been doing that too…. for years.

    Maybe that guy is copying me…


    Friday, 21 December 2012 @ 8:09pm

  73.  #73Senior Lady Vibe on December 21, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    that’s oops, 😯

  74.  #74Senior Lady Vibe on December 21, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I saw this Marianne Williamson quote on the Baggage Reclaim site, apparently pinned on Pinterest:

    “If a train doesn’t stop at your station, then it’s not your train.”
    ~ Marianne Williamson

    I like it! 🙂


  75.  #75Heart on December 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Send some Love into my life!
    Come on Universe!

  76.  #76GlowStix on December 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm


    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

    All for you!

  77.  #77GingerSky on December 21, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Omg SLVeeee !!!

    I went to sleep last night wondering where you are and if you’re doing okay… I must be psych-ly tuned in to Sirens… was having similar thoughts as Daria’s last night too… this feels so entertaining and comfy lol.

    Glad to see you here… I was gone a long time and am back now. Much love.

  78.  #78Heart on December 21, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Awwwr thanks Glowy 🙂

  79.  #79Heart on December 21, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    I feel scared that no train will stop at my station…

    that I’ll have a deserted windy ghost station..

  80.  #80MovingMagic on December 21, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    My ex asked me if I wanted to get food with him tonight. It was spontaneous, which is something that doesn’t come naturally for him. It was the first time I’ve ever not taken him up on an invite. I had just gotten home from Bikram yoga, already eaten, & was packing. I told him that I had already eaten, & that the invite felt surprising & nice. This is a big step for me, & I felt a few triggers. The triggers,are from my childhood…I’m healing. 🙂

  81.  #81GlowStix on December 21, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Thank you stix for speaking your needs. Thank you for receiving and being fully immersed in sexual pleasure. Thank you for massaging my jaw and doing the relaxing stretches. Thank you for taking care of me! 🙂

  82.  #82Scarlet on December 22, 2012 at 12:13 am

    I am feeling terrified. My man suddenly stepped up one week ago and we have seen each other every day since. He says he’s not going anywhere and that he is in love with me and his actions are actually matching his words. This is what I wanted more than anything, but every time he’s not with me I am scared. So scared of being abandoned because it’s happened before. I don’t know how to handle my anxiety.

  83.  #83Heart on December 22, 2012 at 12:28 am

    I have a coffee date with HoundCD in a few days….I said hi to him on skype and he called me and asked me out.
    I want to heal….

    While I was hung up…I ignored all my cds..

    Romancecd stopped writing me…
    I hope he shows back up…
    My heart hurts a little but my boy is taking care of me…

  84.  #84Heart on December 22, 2012 at 12:30 am


  85.  #85Vi on December 22, 2012 at 2:12 am

    Scarlet, I feel like I am reading about myself of some time ago 🙂 . What helped (and is helping) me to handle anxiety is to riff it out and love it 🙂 , and then try to find anything I enjoy doing alone – working, reading, decorating my living space, walking, dancing, going to a coffee shop, surfing internet, playing with my dog, exploring museums and galleries, cooking for myself, etc… while practicing Rory’s tools. The 5th disc of her Reconnect feels particularly helpful to me when I am feeling this way. I know you feel not that comfortable right now, but it feels amazing to read your post, thank you for sharing.

  86.  #86Vi on December 22, 2012 at 2:26 am

    I notice when I am doing something for myself I feel more on a giving side and kinda spent and tense… for example when I buy myself smth. or take myself somewhere… I notice being focused on what it is going to take from me – time, energy, money, etc… what if I focus myself more on my receiving side and on what I am going to have and how happier and even more loved I am going to feel… I would feel spared then… it felt interesting and relaxing to notice. Thank you.

  87.  #87Rebecca on December 22, 2012 at 3:06 am

    I’m feeling depressed and feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I am letting my entire family down.

    I need to flip this around…

    I have things to keep me busy..

    Writing and posting last minute Xmas cards…

    Last minute christmas shopping..

    Seeing friends tonight to go and watch a local band play..

    Getting all my chores done…

    Relaxing and enjoying the festive season..

  88.  #88Rebecca on December 22, 2012 at 3:10 am

    I am not hoing to feel guilty

    I am not going to feel guilty

    I am going to bring the focus back to me

    I am going to bring the focus back to me

  89.  #89Rebecca on December 22, 2012 at 3:16 am


    This ia great:

    It’s not about whether he likes or is interested in you, it’s about whether you like how he’s treating you and deciding whether it works for you.

    I’m going to try and remember it!

    Thank you..

  90.  #90Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 4:59 am

    “I am not hoing to feel guilty

    I am not going to feel guilty”

    What you focus on grows. Focussing positive energy on oneself can grow your opinion of yourself.

  91.  #91Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 5:00 am

    “what if I focus myself more on my receiving side”

    What you focus on grows.

  92.  #92Turquoise on December 22, 2012 at 5:53 am

    Hi sirens, I wanted to share that I had a wonderful night with old friend CD last night. We went out to dinner and then to see Christmas lights at our amusement park. We rode a few rides, saw an ice sculpture demonstration and sipped hot chocolate. Then came back to my place, had some wine, lit a fire, watched a movie and talked. One of the things he said was that as a man he feels he should pay, take care of things, and basically lead. I asked what the woman should do and he said enjoy it! So, I’m going with that. Just being present, not leaning forward, and enjoying it. Feels great. He’s a wonderful kisser too! I feel content and relaxed.

  93.  #93Tam on December 22, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Quick update: Curly is back on my case, but very slowly and softly..ha.
    I was pining for MrP (OMG) yesterday, why oh why?
    I felt bummed about that. Then promptly received a call from our common friend who flew down here and wants to meet up maybe today. I feel anxious because it could involve MrP…if he is not there then it will involve talking about him, for sure.
    It may not happen as they don’t spend much time here…I’d like to see the friend but maybe best if it doesn’t happen.
    Pine is for furniture.
    Had a great time boating last night.
    Life in good.
    No romance – no problem 🙂

  94.  #94Tam on December 22, 2012 at 6:19 am

    82 Scarlet, I totally identified with that….wow…the anxiety. I was a ball of anxiety and fear when MrP came back, he smelled it and it freaked him out also.
    Alas, my anxiety was well founded and appropriate and I forgive myself for it. Perhaps it turned everything into a self-fulfilling prophecy, but perhaps it put an end to things quicker with less hurt involved.
    It’s only our body/mind trying to protect our heart.
    I love my anxiety.
    And I now realise that it tells me something.
    With some men I don’t feel any.
    That’s where I want to be heading.

  95.  #95Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Scarlet consider that your language is appealling to the emotional side of his brain

  96.  #96Tam on December 22, 2012 at 6:21 am

    The world is interesting, I mean I get a call from someone I haven seen/spoken to in 9 months, who happens to be a friend of MrP’s more than me (we met through him), just when I was starting to pine for MrP after not having felt like this in, well about 4 weeks.
    It’s almost like his energy is moving towards me somehow – I don’t like it.

  97.  #97Tam on December 22, 2012 at 6:22 am

    wonder how Starla got on..

  98.  #98Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 6:26 am

    The trick to personalizing your smile is to allow it a few seconds to spread slowly across your face.

    Leil’s advice: when you see the person you want to smile to, pause for a second. LOOK at them for a second. Then – when you’ve allowed yourself a visible opportunity to see them, recognize them, and process the fact that their presence makes you happy – allow your smile to roll SLOOOOOWLY over your face, from your lips to your eyes.

    (Hint: I know, and YOU know, that it doesn’t take anything NEAR a full second to process someone’s presence. We can see, recognize, and react to the presence of someone we know or don’t know in about 1/8th of a second. It’s just a fact.

    BUT, when we SEEM to take more time to do those
    things, our reaction to that person appearing on our horizon just seems THAT much more genuine – warm, cheering, and intensely significant.)

    The science behind the system? The people perceived to have the most credibility and IKEABILITY are that little bit slower to smile. Their smile takes a few moments to reach its zenith, and – as a result – people felt more warmth from it. They felt as though that smile was meant JUST for them…

    …and so they appreciated it more. And, as a natural spin-off from this, they appreciated the SMILER (hint: that’s you!) even more.

    So tip number one: SLOW THAT SMILE DOWN! Take a second to VISIBLY REGISTER that person’s presence.
    Then – pause for one second.

    Then… and ONLY then… should you allow yoursmile to slowly, powerfully spread across your face. Let that person bask in the genuine warmth of your smile.

    They’ll like you for it, I promise!

    Your friend,

    Mirabelle Summers, Author

  99.  #99Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Turquoise – “I feel content and relaxed.”

    I love it. It feels like feeling a warm big airy glow of light in the center of my chest spreading all around my body. It reminds me of sitting in front of a warm fire or on the beach on a starry night listening to the ebb and flow of the tides. It feels peaceful,like home.

    aaah thanks for that experience. I love the feeling of content.

  100.  #100Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 6:42 am

    500 or above is the vibrational frequency you want to be at to manifest what you want in your life.

    Most people live at an average of 207.

    This is according to Christie Sheldon

  101.  #101Indigo on December 22, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Wow, I gave a version of the no-girlfriend speech to a guy last night. It was our fourth date and he started steering the conversation down the relationship road, I could tell he was wanting to move things in an exclusive direction, in fact he said as much.

    I felt uncomfy sharing so much of what’s inside me so early on, but I was very honest, in a sweet, soft-spoken voice, about my desire not to be a girlfriend, but rather someone’s forever person.

    I felt so good about being honest. Standing up for my boundaries like that felt wonderful. I feel so calm. I feel worried though that I said it, less to put boundaries in place, and more because I’m still in love with my ex.

  102.  #102Heart on December 22, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Wow…All the emotions I’ve experience in One day…I feel relief…I feel peace…

    I learned so much about myself….
    I feel so curious about me…
    I have such clarity right now…

    my ex showed up…sent me a message to say Merry Christmas etc …wow…(like clockwork)….
    and something weird happened…
    we like…became friends….
    And I even complained to him about the Grinch-who-stole-christmas…

    and my Ex….couldn’t believe Grinch would go to another country and forget about me…
    to my Ex….I was unforgetable….*heartbreak….

  103.  #103Heart on December 22, 2012 at 7:19 am


  104.  #104Heart on December 22, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I think the message is that I need to learn to love myself more…

  105.  #105GlowStix on December 22, 2012 at 7:57 am

    hmmm…I would love to try the smile thing. Am I comfortable enough with my smile, yet, to do this? I feel worried that if I focus on how i’m smiling I will revert back to my crooked, awkward and not attractive smile. This feels interesting. Thank you.

  106.  #106Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 8:29 am

    6. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

    7. Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.

  107.  #107Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 8:30 am

    6. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

    7. Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.

  108.  #108MovingMagic on December 22, 2012 at 9:23 am

    FW, that article is spot on. Once we start truly loving ourselves, & filling our lives up with amazing, beautiful experiences, & living from a passionate place our degree of difficulty is elevated…simply because we are elevated. I see it in my life. I see the way life unfolds differently as I take care of myself in an authentic way. Yes, thank you, more please!

  109.  #109Heart on December 22, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I am the Yummy Pie.

  110.  #110BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 9:55 am


    Which do you recommend, Targeting Mr. Right, or Commitment Blueprint?
    Here’s where I’m at.
    I’m nearly 42.
    I’ve been using Rori’s tools since July, and feel like I’ve broken through to a new level, healed some childhood wounds, had several a-ha’s, shifted some unhealthy patterns. Most of this has been through practicing with one guy, and posting here on the board.

    I feel nearly ready to get out and date again. I’ve never been married, my son is grown…I want to CD and have a good time and find my way to a lifepartner.

    What I REALLY want, is the Heart Connection Toolkit but I will be borrowing from a friend who doesn’t have it and it is so far out of my budget right now that I won’t buy it.

    Which would be better for my situation, do you think?

  111.  #111BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 10:01 am


    I’m chowing down on a jar of homemade sauerkraut and thinking of you because you said you wanted to learn about cultured veggies once…

    My belly is sososososo happy right now!
    Here’s where I get my recipes:

    here is the fermented beets recipe I use:

    only I add a few cloves.

    I don’t even like beets otherwise, but ferment them and add the citrus/ginger/clove flavor?
    Omg so good.
    I love that they are so crunchy, too, so I feel all filled up and like I ate something very substantial and feel so good about it because my body loves it so much!

  112.  #112Femininewoman on December 22, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Isn’t Heart Connection Toolkit and better priced option?

    Also Lovescripts is at a special price until December 23.

  113.  #114Heart on December 22, 2012 at 10:14 am

    i feel giggly..
    I got my mojo back…*dance

  114.  #115Heart on December 22, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I feel like myself!

  115.  #116Heart on December 22, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Taaaaaaadaaa! it’s me.

  116.  #117BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 10:31 am


    FW yes it is but I’m borrowing from a friend who has the other two.

    I want the Heart Connection Toolkit because I want something I can play in my car while I drive and not have to DO anything 🙂
    And…I’ll be happy with what I have access to for now.

  117.  #118BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 10:33 am


    Heart I smiled and giggled reading your post, you are so cute!
    She has arrived, ladies and gentlemen…please give her a round of applause!!

  118.  #119Heart on December 22, 2012 at 10:34 am

    raaaaaaaaaah….it’s me…lolol…
    3 cups of coffee…

  119.  #120Emerson on December 22, 2012 at 10:38 am

    106 fw I like the ones that you pointed out its so true…

    I disagree with her #76 completely. Especially since she says “too feet” but I suspect she meant “two” feet …

    She has some good pints but about 50% of these are basically crap. It sounds like she just wrote a bunch of stuff without thinking….especially that a woman has to stand on her own “too” feet financially for a man to respect her. That is such a bunch of bs and I feel angry reading it.

  120.  #121Heart on December 22, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Awwr Thank you Beloved <3<3

  121.  #122Heart on December 22, 2012 at 10:49 am

    ps – I feel very smily reading that Beloved.

  122.  #123Rebecca on December 22, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Yay! Everyones posts r making me feel smiley! 🙂

  123.  #124Daria on December 22, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I feel so anxious

    I love my anxiousness

    What does Lil girl Daria want?

    AnACV bath

    I feel mad

    I want Sex!

    I want another surge

    I feel fuchked up


    I feel fuchked up

    I love my waves

    I love myself

    So you can embrace your love for me

  124.  #125Annie on December 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Anxiety is a a message if we hear and listen to tell us to STOP & LISTEN to how we are harming ourselves.
    If it gets to a point of panic attack or nervous breakdown it is natures way of now making us stop.
    The question then becomes to do with intent. Intent to learn and heal with self love? Or protect and stay stuck out of fear?Will your intent be to treat the outer symptom of anxiety and mask it, numbing out the core painful wound and heartache still ignoring your responsibility how you are harming yourself and by turning to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling tv, sex, computer games, sugary foods or another addictive substance or prescribed pharmaceuticals to treat anxiety and numb it out and stay wounded? Or will you work through it go inwards face the pain and choose to heal with responsibility self love and shift consciousness and move forward rather than repeating same cycle of harm by choosing to put oneself in situations that cause us to be off balance and anxious. We all have a choice unless we are truly helpless and reliant on another like a child, elderly person, or hostage etc.

  125.  #126Annie on December 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I found the combination of Roris commitment blueprint, along with inner bonding and Pema Chodrens advice worked for me.

  126.  #127Annie on December 22, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    with the anxiety than inevitably comes up when you lean back and old trauma and stiff comes up that needs to be addressed and healed.

    Anxiety is a gift.

  127.  #128Annie on December 22, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Hello anxiety, welcome. What do you want me to know? I feel ready to stop and listen to how I am harming myself and take the best higher self loving action to stop what isn’t serving me and change what I am doing to become unstuck heal and move forward to create a better healthier life for myself.

  128.  #129BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Currently I weigh about 200 lbs. I can not touch my toes, I can barely sit up straight with my legs out in front of me and my knees slightly bent, my hamstrings and hips are sooo tight.

    6 years ago, I worked at a gym, weighed 139, could leg press 500 lbs., squat 230, do full pushups with my hands on a wobbly medicine ball and a 25 lb. plate on my back, do Rocky-style incline situps with a medicine ball, hold plank with a weight on my back for several minutes, do bicep curls while I balanced on my knees on a stability ball.

    I did Bikram yoga 3-5 times a week. I had boundless energy!!!!

    I felt so disconnected from who I was then and I’m feeling her again now…she is inside of me!! I remember feeling strong, fit, flexible, capable, fluid, delicious, powerful, yummyy!!!!

    I just added adjustable dumbbells to my Amazon wishlist…I LOVED being so fit. I LOVED

  129.  #130BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    wth? page just reloaded…


    I LOVED asking guys, “Hey, are you done with that machine? I want to put some weight on it,” and adding 100 lbs. to WARM UP with over what they had on it.

    Now I feel like I know better how to have that part of me integrated with my sireny, soft, feminine side.
    I feel confident,
    My goal is for age 70 to be way better than my 30’s ever were.
    When I’m 70 I want to say, “My life is so much fuller, more rewarding, richer, wonderful, magical, beautiful, loving, fun, adventurous and exciting that when I was 40!”

  130.  #131BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 12:54 pm


    Annie thanks for this, you just answered the question I was about to ask 🙂

  131.  #132Turquoise on December 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Wow, FW, you described ax acutely how I feel. I even told him that I feel home with him. Last night he told me he’s falling for me. He wants me to meet his kids, and his mom invited me and the girls to Christmas dinner. I can’t go, hosting for 30 people, but I love that she wanted to include me.
    You know how many of us say it shouldn’t be so hard? It’s not when you meet someone who likes you enough or wants what you want.

    Oh… And guess where he wants us to go someday? Australia. Neither of us have that kind of money, but boy is it nice to dream about. 🙂

    The only thing I don’t like is that he smokes. He wants to quit, I sure hope he does! But I’m glad I wasn’t judgemental and immediately ruled him out.

  132.  #133k2012 on December 22, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Scarlet (82) I am so happy for u. That’s really good news. His words are matching his actions. Excellent. I am looking forward to the day when I can say that as well. U feel a bit anxious? Is it a shock to u? Gingersky, I left a response for u in the last thread. Don’t know if u saw it.

  133.  #134k2012 on December 22, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Ladies how are the preparations coming on for Christmas? The roads are crazy everywhere and in my country it is no different. I have completed my business and I am on leave from work. All gifts have been bought, cakes etc. Looking forward to the Christmas dinner with family. One day I will be able to have a man who TRULY loves me by my side to celebrate christmas.

  134.  #135Scarlet on December 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Thanks to all who have talked about anxiety. I guess the message is to feel it and make friends with it. It is a part of who I am. Because of all of my experiences, I have a lot of fear inside of me. I can’t just make it silent or go away, I can only feel it and accept it as one of the many emotions that are in here.

  135.  #136janie baby on December 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    my man texted me last night saying
    “Hope you have fun. I thought about it and want you to enjoy your life. But I don’t think you could currently do that with me. I wanted to get things better again but your denial has made it clear that your not on board. I am also concerned how I have been judged repeatedly. Tonight I have a heavy heart but I do love you and want the best for you. Wether thats with or without me”
    I just said “I love you too hope you are having fun”
    I couldn’t tell if he was trying to get me to break up with him and then this is his good bye or he was trying to get me to protest. I don’t know.
    So i just said i loved him and hoped he’s having fun.
    Now he can call me if he wants.
    That text confused me.

  136.  #137Scarlet on December 22, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I am so very very grateful to have found this blog and receive so much support from everyone on it. I am feeling blessed. You ladies have helped me through some very tough times and I sincerely thank you for your care and kindness. xx

  137.  #138janie baby on December 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    I do want things to get better but I want to stick to my boundaries, so I shouldn’t contact him again right? Just wait til he does..?

  138.  #139Scarlet on December 22, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Janie Baby
    I guess it depends what your boundaries are. I don’t think there is anything wrong with contacting him if you need to clarify what he was telling you. Unless your boundary is to never contact him, but with a text such as the one he sent you, it sounds like you want clarity right now.

  139.  #140Luzydel on December 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Making some yummy chicken stew with potatoes, rice, salad…

    I like company, and I am spending this weekend with my son; I used to say I don’t mind being alone, and people who wants company a codependent and needy, I am starting to feel balance about that; I can enjoy being alone, an do things for myself, but I also like being with people (as long as they’re not in a crowd). Sometimes I don’t like to be alone and sometimes I do.

  140.  #141Annie on December 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    You’re welcome beloved.

    It feel weird I knew I was being spied on.
    My instinct just knew.
    And it was right.
    I feel violated, I feel mind raped.
    Have been spied on again.
    I don’t want someone in my life who is not able and does not want to communicate with me and emotionally connect in real life with me and feels the need to spy on me and justifies those actions by saying they are trying to understand me
    I feel abused on a really deep level.
    This person is so toxic and harmful to me.

    I feel sick to the core.
    I want to vomit.
    My heart feels shredded and torn.

  141.  #142Tereana on December 22, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    I love this about opportunities vs. “burden.” I went to a small school at one time where they called “test” a four-letter word, and called them “opportunities” instead. It was kind of almost joking – but that was their point. “test” made it sound like a burden and an obligation. Choosing the word “opportunity” meant that it was more of an act of freedom. It was an opportunity to perform well and to do our best – not an requirement. If we did our best and failed, we still did our best. When you take a “test” and fail, it feels like more of a wholesale rejection. With opportunities, there is always another opportunity around the corner…


  142.  #143BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    I love cooking delicious food for myself.
    It feels like such a sweet act of creative self-care.
    I love to cook from scratch and share goodies with people.
    This week I made red velvet chocolate chip cookies, red velvet thumbprint cookies with spiced icing, oatmeal/walnut/chocolate chip cookies, and gave them ALL away, I only tasted one from each batch to be sure they were worthy.

    I just cooked up a batch of ghee, and earlier made decadent hot cocoa from scratch. I used half and half, and biodynamic sugar. Adding cinnamon felt like a touch of brilliance!
    Tomorrow I will tweak the recipe and make it something easier on my body using almond milk, agave nectar and less cocoa.

    I love having fermented veggies I make myself and love to cook kitchari, an indian dish with ghee, mung beans, basmati rice and lots of fragrant spices. Especially cardamon, I love cardamom and it makes my body so so so happy I feel like I’m giving it manna from heaven or something when I put cardamom in a dish!

    Thank you, Beloved for updating your blog!
    Thank you, Beloved, for getting rooibos tea at the coffee shop and skipping the cookies!
    Thank you, Beloved for doing Shakti yoga and your womb mandala today!
    Thank you, Beloved, for eating delicious ham today!
    Thank you, Beloved, for eating sauerkraut!
    Thank you, Beloved, for doing your meditation!
    Thank you, Beloved, for finding a new exercise to stretch our hips and relieve lower back pain!
    Thank you, Beloved, for remembering how awesome it felt to be in wonderful shape!
    Thank you, Beloved, for gathering your forces and focusing on creating a better future!
    Thank you, Beloved for deciding to spend Christmas Eve with family!

    Last night I dreamed I had a battery plugged into a socket that drained the battery – the socket belonged to P, who is a former acquaintance who is the kind of person who is always on the take. I unplugged the cord and plugged it into a new socket.

    Thank you, Beloved, for unplugging from your toxic aspects and plugging into a new source!

    Thank you Life, for Life!
    Thank you Life, for Life!
    Thank you Life, for Life!

  143.  #144BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 6:08 pm



  144.  #145Starla on December 22, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    ladies i don’t have a lot of time but i couldn’t leave you hanging!

    we met and now it’s on with me and qz:).

    i am super happy and peaceful. i wish i had time to share more, sorry!

    one thing i want to say is all the gut feelings i had about him since we broke up all turned out to be true, and i feel soooo relieved that it didn’t turn out i was just some psycho ex in denial.

    i love my intuition and knowing that i can really and truly trust it from here on out feels like a huge coming into myself that i’ve been working towards for a very long time now.

    my birthday is tomorrow and my friend is taking me out to a special dinner and my other friend put a birthday party together for us christmas babies… i am getting so much bday attention – it feels amazing but i’m not used to it!

    thanks universe:)

    i will come back in the morning to talk more with you ladies and see what’s going on in your lives!

  145.  #146Tam on December 22, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Starla, wow I had just been thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed, that’s cool!!!
    It kind of made me a little sad also, because I always had that gut feeling and intuition as far as MrP is concerned and yet I guess, I was that crazy deluded one. That’s been proven now and though I don’t look back with any regrets I do feel sad that my gut feelings were off/wrong/deluded.
    I am happy to hear yours were right though, and it means that gut feelings are important and a good thing!!

    I do love a positive story.

  146.  #147BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Starla, I feel lit up and radiant and notice a little group of imps throwing confetti and having a party inside, reading your post 🙂

    Go be loved…you deserve it!
    Happy Birthday and may it only get better from here on out.


  147.  #148MovingMagic on December 22, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    I had such a beautiful dream last night. A dream filled with light, & a sense of inner calm & peace. There was a silent voice, much like an inner knowing that everything is where it needs to be, & that beautiful things are in the makes. I woke up feeling light & with a sigh of relief.

  148.  #149Tam on December 22, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    So I did a bit of pining for MrP.

    Then I met with the guy I went out on my birthday. Oh Jeez..he is a nice man but so the opposite of what I had imagined…he lives with his mum and has some strange ideas as well as mannerisms..I tried my best to feel my way through it all, but it was very awkward…eek. And he is like totally besotted and wanted to make me his gf there and then…double eek.

    Big relief when I was back at my place, now the candles on and all is good.

    Curly called me and we spent about 45 mins on the phone, he told me all about his business plan…it was nice to talk to him, he has a very soothing deep manly voice. Old manly actually…urgh, there it is.

    He then spent some time convincing me that he is not like all the men here and bla bla…again. I don’t think he understood that I have friend-zoned him, although I told him. Clear. He is such an alpha…he won’t be told anything. lol. Reminds me so much of MrP, but this one is much more into his emotions, more open and just keeps telling me how wonderful I am. He makes me laugh also. A lot.
    But that age difference and the female friends are a reality, one that isn’t going to change.

    Funny. His friends are throwing a surprise party for him and all he knows is that he is going out with his mates and he was about to cancel it to spend the day with me, he wanted to take me away to a close by city for the day/evening…OMG….can you imagine? I just told him that I was busy in the evening (and he got all ‘oh you are so busy’ on me), and sent NoCD a message that he better make sure Curly is going to his own party. Can you imagine? The surprise party without the birthday boy? Hilarious.

    Ah it’s all good fun.
    I miss MrP. There it is. I miss the guy who treated me so badly last couple of times we met…I feel deluded and crazy, like I am hankering for punishment and feel uncomfortable with those who treat me like a queen…pfff.

  149.  #150Miss Bells on December 22, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Sitting here with my “HS Hangover” the feeling of sadness after we spend time together.

    I am seeing that this pattern is STILL bad for me, even with all the changes.

    Two threads back, Indigo made a comment directed at me in the thread, as follows:

    “I am going to express an unconventional opinion on Miss Bells situation.

    I think this man does love her, in a way that is more than friends. I think Miss Bells you are picking up on this love that that he has for you and it is connecting to the fact that you love him, and that is what is making it so impossible for you to let go.

    I don’t believe any man persists with relentless contact, or gives affection unless there is *some* love there.

    But I think Miss Bells, the thing to realise is that, he has no intention of acting on that love right now. I have found that, whatever their emotions, men can be quite set on their course if they have come to a conclusion or decision. I don’t think it’s impossible that that may change in the future, but I don’t think it’s going to change any time soon. And if it does, you need to be in an entirely different place. Sirens here are right, please Circular Date. This man will continue to be a source of frustration as long as you expect something which he has no intention of doing.

    You will not change him. You can only decide moment to moment what is the best feeling and action for you.”

    I am reposting it because I need a breakthrough.

    I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel.

    We had a very nice time last night. He bought me dinner, we drank wine, we took a walk, he fussed over me. He said he missed me, and asked me out for a pro-jam that happens in a couple of weeks, and MAYBE New Year’s Eve. No mention of Xmas. And he talked about selling his house and buying something very small.
    He says he WON’T try to pull me back in, but I FEEL pulled all the same.

    He misses me, but won’t do what it takes to fix that.

    As I see it, I have three choices.

    1. Have a talk, tell him how I feel, and declare no contact, but lovingly as possible. I won’t be friends, and he can’t maintain as a lover.

    2. Don’t have any talk, just become COMPLETELY unavailable. Cut off contact unilaterally, except for the book biz, which can be handled by email.

    3. Let him ask me out, let him come to me–on occasion and not every time he asks. Use self-control to handle my own feelings privately. Treat him like a casual date.

    Does any of this make sense? I really don’t think he does this on purpose. I believe when the attraction switch goes on and he comes after me he is just expressing HIS momentary but genuine feelings. He really does love me. Just never quite enough to follow through all the way…

    Any thoughts? If this triggers anyone I am sorry for that.

  150.  #151MovingMagic on December 22, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    I just ordered some food, & while in line the man behind the counter started pouring compliments on me. I smiled & thanked him. He replied with ‘If you want to keep standing there I can comliment you all day’. Awwww. Thank you universe. <3

  151.  #152Luzydel on December 22, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    went to POF and what a sad place 🙁 men look sad and unkept; women look a bit trashy. I am better than that.
    I don’t know if I will ever Really date again; online dting ruined that.

  152.  #153k2012 on December 22, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    “you can’t have a great love and be a coward. You can’t pretend to be who you’re not and feel intimacy and closeness with a man.” ( or with a woman)-my words.

    Just got this newsletter from Virginia Clark in which she said this. Well said. Trust me, when I read this part in her letter a while ago, I stopped in my tracks. I had to read it again. Cause this phrase could well be directed at a man. Notice what I put in bracket. Trust me ladies, disappearing ex came to mind immediately. Damn coward! didnt have the guts to tell me to my face that things couldnt work, so he chose the easier way out and disappeared. He was clearly pretending to be someone he is not- that is what u call a fraud. Big fraud. He was the perfect gentleman around my parents who knew him for years (the entire family for that matter knew him for years) cause he worked with one of my sisters and myself and he was also a good friend of ours in the beginning. Real pretender. My parents, like my sisters were totally shocked at his behaviour. totally shocked. Weeks later after he disappeared, the sister who was a good friend of his said to me that “all now she cant believe that he did that to me,” I responded by saying that I cant believe either. But then thats the stuff players are made of. Right Gingersky. I hope u see this. See the words that Virginia used-intimacy and closeness, and thats what players are afraid of.

  153.  #154BeLoved on December 22, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Now I’m thinking of C..

    I did an empathic session to see what was going on from the perspective of the player I hold so dear, and when I looked out through his eyes at me, the belief was, “I’ll never have that.”
    For reasons I didn’t try to discern, somewhere along the way he made a decision in the past that he wouldn’t allow himself to have someone like me. He is divided against himself and has been punishing himself somehow.
    The couple of times he let his guard down and his tender feelings show, he got very sick by the afternoon and would be sick for days after.
    When I made the decision for no more pain, down to my very core, I know he felt it and after I told him no more kissing or nuzzling my neck, he became very very sick and ended up going home from work.

    I feel so deeply grateful, though, because he helped me open my heart again and be in touch with my tender feelings and feel playful and free and uninhibited and I’ve never in my life had a man be so consistently just happy to see me and be around me. Every day, every day every day, and he never flipped out on me or stopped liking me. I’ve never ever had that before. He was kind to me every time I expressed feelings of insecurity. He was kind to me even when I was being nasty and judgmental and mean.

    As sad a reflection as it may be, it was the best I’ve had so far and I feel so very grateful for all of it. Even if I knew then what I know now I’d still do it all over again because I learned so much about myself and about love and I loved the ride.

  154.  #155janie baby on December 22, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Miss Bells:

    Do whatever will make you feel good and help you create your own life.
    If you do number 3, date others too so it’s not “pretending”
    I try to do number 3 all the time but unless I’m really immersed in my own life or flirting with other guys, he can feel my desperation even if I’m not saying anything.

  155.  #156Vi on December 22, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    I love my tension

  156.  #157Tereana on December 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    Ugh. I feel kind of weird and closed.

    It seems like I’m always doing mediations and visualizations and such about the man, or type of man I want to attract into my life.

    And lo and behold, usually after I do something like that, some guy shows up. And when he does, he’ll inevitably fit the bill in many ways. It will almost make me think as if I have “manifested” something perfect that I really wanted. And yet there will be some fundamental flaw. He’ll be interested and enthusiastic and excited about me. He’ll be attractive and masculine and strong. But he won’t show up. Or he’ll show up, and then he won’t. Or he’ll show up, but then not communicate properly and it leaves me feeling anxious.

    So I guess…the only thing this probably has to tell me is that my “manifestation” is off. There must be some aspect of what I am envisioning – that I am attracting – which includes these aspects that I find intolerable, or at best unworkable for a relationship.

    But it must be some blind spot in me that I’m not really able to see properly.

    The fact that I’m rejecting all of these guys (and even some women who have called me their friend) because they are “flakey” – what is that an indication of? Is it because I am flakey? Is it because I am so un-flakey that I’m excessively rigid about planning and meeting up with people that I can’t be flexible? Where is this coming from and what is it about?

    How can I be more flexible with myself and others in a way that feels comfortable to me?…

    And what part of myself do I need to accept to make this work?

    {These are questions for me, by the way – not anything that I expect a siren here to be able to answer. Maybe I’ll get a dream about it or something ;)}

  157.  #158Tereana on December 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    In a way, I kind of wish there was someone who *could* show me my blind spot and show me what that thing is that I’m missing, information-wise.

    Not like in a critical “this is wrong with you” kind of way. But more like a “Hey, your tag is sticking out” kind of way. Like just help someone (me) by showing me the thing that is “off” that I’m not able to see on my own. Hold up the mirror so I can see the blotch on the back of my shirt, or point out that my skirt is tucked in.

    You know, things like that.

    And it may be something that I don’t WANT to see. But right now, I kind of do. If I knew that it wasn’t something that I needed to be judgmental about, but just a thing that would need a little adjusting in order to get the ensemble to fit correctly – I’d do it. I just want to see what’s out of place. Because right now it seems as if I just keep seeing everyone else’s stuff as “out of place.” And it may or may not be…

  158.  #159Tereana on December 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Okay, how about this?

    I love the parts of me that are out of place.

    I love the blotchy patch of skin on my back.

    I love the parts of me that I can’t see.

    I love my blind spots and my confusion.

    I love my cold heart when it’s closed and retreating from something that doesn’t feel safe.

    I love when I’m able to be open and vulnerable and warm – when I feel safe within.

    I love when I’m able to laugh and relax and have fun.

    I love when I don’t compromise my boundaries, even if it means that other people may be inconvenienced.

    I love when I ask for, and deliver the best.

    I love when quality attention comes my way.

    I love when I can receive attention, and when I can give it as well.

    I love it when I manifest exactly what I want.

    I love how the Universe shows me my “blind spots” by giving me *exactly* what I’ve asked for – even if I thought I had “ordered” something else.

    The Universe is always listening and S/he hears me perfectly.

    My heart feels safe.

    My heart feels tender.

    My heart feels warm.

    I don’t need to accept or be with or respond to anyone who is not offering the full potential of what I need and deserve/desire. I only need to accept what is the full answer of what I desire.

    I love my shy feeling.

    I love my confusion.

    I love my desire to protect and honor myself.

    I love the “man within” who protects me and honors me and cherishes me and loves me. Who wants the best for me.

    I love my softness and my femininity.

    I love my grace.

    I love my fear.

    I love my ability to be on time.

    I love my ability to communicate.

    I’ve worked hard on all those skills, and I feel proud of them.

    I love that I can do those things.

    I am an amazing woman.

    Amen, Universe

  159.  #160Tereana on December 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    That riffing experiment felt way more “productive” (i.e. created more of a shift) than my usual “analysis” approach. That feels good

    Vi – your little post in 156 inspired me!

  160.  #161Tereana on December 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Yay, I feel happy! I *did* get a chance to “CD” tonight.

    Even though the one guy – who’s been after me for a while, and “flaked out” yet again – didn’t come through….

    I ordered Indian food from my favorite place. And the Indian guy who brought the food to my door seemed so generous and genuine. I gave a nice tip and thanked him for coming out in the rain. He was Sikh. And the energy coming from him just felt so positive and lovely.

    I love religious guys : )

    (((religious men)))

  161.  #162Tereana on December 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Okay, I’m spamming here – Saturday night by myself! Yay! lol

    But why is it so hard to get “notes from the Universe”? I’ve been to the site, and so far, I’ve had to follow several links, and I STILL haven’t got to the part where I actually sign up to get them. I keep reading pages about how wonderful they are. But honestly – stop telling me how great they are and let me sign on already! I want notes from the Universe. I love reading when other people post them. But it’s almost too much work for me. Maybe I’ll give up on it. I get plenty of “notes” from the Universe every day…lol

    Thanks for letting me vent!

  162.  #163LoveAlways on December 22, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Happy Birthday Starla!

  163.  #164Heart on December 22, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Omg…I did something really wrong & now I regret it totally…
    I wrote CudG telling him I just want to be friends..
    Wow! Wtf…I meant it at the time because I wanted to leave wait mode…I wanted to kill al. my expectations…and punish him…

    What Have I done!….
    I want to write and say No mistake…
    How do I fix this?
    I just keep acting Crazy!

  164.  #165Heart on December 22, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    why am I behaving like this..he doesn’t call me and I freak out..l

  165.  #166Heart on December 22, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    I feel Bad….My heart is hurting…I don’t understand myself….
    I feel like a crazy person…
    I look so mental if i write him back now…

  166.  #167Heart on December 23, 2012 at 12:13 am

    I feel pain….
    I feel knots in my stomach…
    I feel blood rushing to my ears….
    I feel heavy stone
    I feel tight heavy chest…
    I feel Sick….
    I feel weak…
    I feel tired..from lack of sleep….
    I feel desperate…
    I need to go home….
    I need to get away from here…
    I feel suffocated like..oh no oh no I ruined everything…

  167.  #168Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:21 am

    Thank you Daria for watching pornos all day and getting really comfortable with sexuality and asking for what i want and saying “I miss that DICK” and haha

    thank you for thinking of Transformer man and saying that to him

    thank you for thinking how fun it will be and how it will vavoom yalls sex life

    thank you for having No Name CD !!!!!!! —- like magic he reapperaed! the one day i was inviting OTHER CDS OVER TO HAVE SEX!! ——

    its been months,

    and he’s the last one,

    and here he comes again!


    so i feel excited

    to practice

    and life loves me

  168.  #169Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:26 am

    im feeling a lil panicky right now… lol beetter watch another porn till he gets here lol


    ive been fantasizing about getting my pussy ate all day and now a man is on his way and i feel

    all giddy and giggly and very NOT strong lol


    this feels FUN and thrilling it also feels panicky omg
    omg omg

    i feel thrilliyyeeee and frillieeee

    and flutterrrryyyy

  169.  #170Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:27 am

    im blushing and giggling all by myself

    oh my this is the feeling i was wanting that i had in hs

    ohhhh i feel



  170.  #171Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:28 am

    ok i feel more calm

    i want a massage

    i want to get my pussy ate thats what i wanted

    that was when i felt calm and regal

    now i feel squealy and powerless and swept away and like my pussy is opening and crying out dick dick dick already

  171.  #172Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Happy Birthday Starla 🙂

  172.  #173Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:29 am

    thank you beautiful women of porn for inspiring me to allow pleasure

  173.  #174Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:31 am

    some porn is very sensual and the man is helping the woman enjoy herself… mmmm yummie to that kinda porn



    maybe eating all those crackers lowered my libido?

    ohhh and i know what HIGHERED it… oatmeal yesterday!

    hahahaha yes

  174.  #175Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:31 am

    yeah im totally not as horny as before… these grain crakers could be it

  175.  #176MovingMagic on December 23, 2012 at 12:38 am

    Miss Bells, which would be the most healing for you? I feel myself drawn to your third option. It would probably be the most triggering, but so healing & revealing. Imagine being able to eventually find peace in such a scenario. What would that feel & look like to you?

  176.  #177Heart on December 23, 2012 at 12:45 am


  177.  #178Heart on December 23, 2012 at 12:45 am

    i need meds…

  178.  #179Rebecca on December 23, 2012 at 12:47 am

    Yay Starla!!

    I can’t wait to hear more!

    I feel so happy for you – it’s like reading a romance novel!

  179.  #180Heart on December 23, 2012 at 12:48 am

    i wrote the guy im hung up on and said I saw him as a good friend….

    I stood up the guy I’m hung up on and he stopped talking to me…

    whats wrong with me…Fear!

  180.  #181Heart on December 23, 2012 at 12:49 am

    congrats Starla….sounds lovely!

  181.  #182Daria on December 23, 2012 at 12:57 am

    i cooked some oatmeal and smelled and chewed some and i feel more calm and regal

  182.  #183Rebecca on December 23, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Miss Bells

    Do you practice Roris tools of leaning back and staying open?

    Maybe don’t “choose” an option just fully embrace the tools.

    I guess its practice. Practice. Practice.

    I really struggle with things too so good luck!!

  183.  #184Rebecca on December 23, 2012 at 2:17 am

    I am angry at myself for being in masculine energy and over functioning.

    Last night I went out with some new female aquaintances I have made.

    There were four women and one man. The man brought the first round of drinks – then after that all the women just sat there with empty glasses. So the man offered to buy ‘another’ round. At which point I said no, let me, you got the last round. All the women just sat there expressionless. So I went to buy the round and just at that moment another male friend turned up and insisted on buying the drinks instead.

    I just felt really awkward. The women seemed and felt really cold towards me, like they disapproved of me.

    It felt weird.

    Also I was chatting to all the men and generally trying to have a good time and I felt all the women were ‘judging’ me.

    I came home and felt quite upset. I imagine them talking about me.

    I think I over functioned by drinking too much and staying up too late.

    I guess I want people to like me and I need to stop that…

    I feel depressed like I’m never gonna get it right.

    I feel like …. Grrrrrrrr….

    I just want to remember to sink into my feelings and not over function.

    I realise I am still organising many things in my life and when I do I feel bad.

    Yet its not stopping me from doing it… Grrrrr…..

  184.  #185Smile on December 23, 2012 at 2:37 am

    I feel guilty

    I feel like I’ve broken the rules

    I feel enjoyment

    I stayed at cycle CDs house last night

    I felt comfortable

    I felt I couldn’t voice my feelings last night. I wanted to give the no sex speech but I couldn’t because I did want sex.

    I feel guilty now having two men I’m dating

    I don’t know if he is dating or having sex with anyone else. I feel worried.

    I feel regret I didn’t talk around this

    I feel like I had low level of difficulty

  185.  #186Smile on December 23, 2012 at 2:40 am

    Interestingly I don’t feel attached.

  186.  #187Smile on December 23, 2012 at 2:55 am

    I feel a little embarrassed talking about this

    I feel a little concerned, confused?

    He masturbated a lot during sex… I wonder if he has been accustomed to the feel of his hand to make him come rather than being inside a woman? I totally feel like he was definitely into me but in the few guys I have had sex with this feels new. At some points it was a turn off. He was very giving though.

  187.  #188Smile on December 23, 2012 at 3:00 am

    I’m seeing the fact that I’m not totally taken over with attraction as great! Hm I want to be a rockstar here. I’m definitely attracted to him. Im mostly attracted to him by our conversations. he’s a gentleman.

  188.  #189Smile on December 23, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Ugh I’m feeling cross now that my communication failed.
    He could see me struggled with the battle of how to give the no sex speech when I was already back at his house. But this felt more than just sex. Like that’s not what he was after. he said talk to me… I said I don’t know how to voice my feelings but I am feeling comfortable. Urg I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be high quality.

  189.  #190Smile on December 23, 2012 at 3:39 am

    I’m feeling more comfortable now.

  190.  #191Smile on December 23, 2012 at 3:39 am

    My mind feels more at ease.

  191.  #192Indigo on December 23, 2012 at 4:03 am

    I had a lovely night with my ex last night. This morning he asked me what I want for Christmas, and I said, you don’t have to get me anything, and he insisted so I told him what I wanted.

    And then, I let loose on him after I got home, about a female friend he has who makes me very uncomfortable. These were very difficult feelings for me to express for a number of reasons – he swears there is nothing there and insists that I am getting myself worked up over nothing. I know that nothing has ever happened and I have a strong conviction that nothing will ever happen between him and her, or anyone else.

    *That* is not what really bothers me, I realised. What bothers me is that he is a single man, and portrays himself as such to others, because that is what he *is*. I cannot get angry with him about this. I am not even angry with him.

    I don’t know what I feel. This morning he was pulling me into his arms and holding me oh so gently and tenderly, and bam, a couple of hours later I am faced with a rude reminder that we are not together.

    He cares for me, loves me, cares intensely when I hurt or am upset, I know this. And yet he can’t fix this.

    I am so scared. I am so conflicted. I don’t know what I feel.

    I am riffing here, in my own way.

    There are times when I get very, very tired of knowing that he loves me, and yet at the same time of pining for what I want. He seems resigned, almost like, well yes, just go be with someone else, it’s for the best. And I will do whatever I want.


  192.  #193Vi on December 23, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Tereana – 🙂

  193.  #194Vi on December 23, 2012 at 4:39 am

    I feel that food affects my mood too. I had a piece of cake with artificial flavor in the morning and my negative voice definitely felt stronger afterwards.

  194.  #195Tam on December 23, 2012 at 4:39 am

    Smile, if you can just enjoy the sex and see it as practice and not overthink it all then why not. I had a phase in my life when I could do it…(not with many men, only 2 in a year)…and it was fine. Now I couldn’t probably….
    Nothing wrong?
    I realised when I started to have expectations of the men and started feeling bad at not being in a relationship it was my cue to leave the situation.

  195.  #196Tam on December 23, 2012 at 4:41 am

    I feel worried, I am having breakfast with Curly and he clearly thinks all is on. Now I have to tell him that I am not attracted to him and he is too old for me..yikes, what a bad message to brin across and there is no saying it nicely because it is what it is.
    He was giving me the whole ‘I can wait’ thing yesterday..Urgh.

  196.  #197Tam on December 23, 2012 at 4:49 am

    I am going with unwashed hair and hardly any make up…and jeans… hehe.
    He is very much into women dressing ladylike and classy…and here comes scruffy Tam (I am never scruffy but I thought he might as well see the real ‘non party, non made-up’ girl…

  197.  #198Indigo on December 23, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Miss Bells

    I’m not sure there is a right answer for your situation. A further complicating factor is that you may know what logically is right, but it is limited by what both you and he feel able to do.

    I don’t feel that it can be tied up in a neat, logical little bow of closure or the right course of action. I think you just need to stay on your horse, keep strong in your boundaries and keep having fun and taking care of *you* first and foremost.

    Accept and feel the emotions when they come, listen to your intuition about what to do from one day to the next, and keep standing up for the life you want.

    All the best xx

  198.  #199Ulii on December 23, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Great to hear about you & QZ Starla! Still feeling curious about more… 🙂

    And happy-happy birthday!!!


  199.  #200Indigo on December 23, 2012 at 6:28 am

    I give this advice because this is what has brought me the most progress, healing, strength and happiness. I don’t feel there are any easy answers or any quick fixes.

    If it is any consolation though, Miss Bells, I have noticed you becoming stronger and more of a powerful, confident woman since I started reading the blog. I think you have made great progress and that is something to celebrate. xx

  200.  #201Francesca on December 23, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Happy Birthday Starla! xoxo

  201.  #202k2012 on December 23, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Indigo, your ex boyfriend look like he is now your boyfriend again based on what u have written? Does he remind u that u guys are not in a relationship or what? Just asking.

  202.  #203Indigo on December 23, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Hi k2012

    He is not my boyfriend. There is no relationship or committment.

    We love each other, we hang out. But there are issues, and in the past it has not worked out, so we are not a couple. But there is usually a lot of love, affection and happiness when we spend time together.

  203.  #204sensual on December 23, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Hi, I wanted to share a little Rori-success story girls. I’ve been dating a wonderful man for a month and me getting caught up in the excitement, started doing some errhem “over functioning”. I arranged 2 business meetings for him, and I got given a trip abroad where we only had to pay for flights and I asked him to join and when he said yes i went into massive overfunctioning mode trying to arrange it over nye. Needless to say he suddenly shy-ed out of the trip and started to withdraw. He pulled back massively and I felt so sad that I’d blown a good thing. So I went into full Rori STOP mode, girl mode only responding to texts and using FM’s and not asking too many Qs except mirrored ones that felt natural and after a tough few days, he has finally asked me out again and to go see the xmas lights with him this evening, something I said a week and a half ago that I really wanted to do. :))

  204.  #205Tam on December 23, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Yay, happy birthday Starla Capricorn!!

    I had a lovely morning with Curly actually…he talks a lot about making a move and wanting me to be his gf but he is now very subdued after my ‘I want to be friends for now’. He actually said: ‘we are friends right, so whatever it takes, I respect your decision’.
    I feel heard and understood. He said the age difference freaks him out also. He said he feels unsure as to how to act but likes to spend time with me. That’s ok. I feel happy with this so far.
    I get to know him slowly and without any physical stuff – this will help keep things uncomplicated and see him for who he is. If he makes a good friend we will see…

    Felt really good although he ain’t going to stop trying….he is such an alpha, and he actually keeps saying ‘well, you know, I am an alpha male’…hahaha….too funny!!
    He cancelled a lot of parties over the last couple of weeks, at the last minute, and NoCD called me in a huge panic earlier because he is worried that he won’t turn up to his own surprise birthday party..hahaha….and the panic is totally justified since he was quite happy to spend the evening out of town with me – and I said ‘oh no, I have a party to go to’.
    Now NoCD said he would like to make up a story involving me and my birthday that just passed, to get him turn up to his surprise party…this is so funny!! I am smiling a lot….hehe.
    NoCD was saying ‘you need to get here on time, whatever it takes, hop into a taxi and I will pay’.
    Oh Jeez, men are so so funny.
    I feel very amused.

    Hope the day continues as nicely as this morning, which was great with breakfast on the beach and a nice beach walk…

  205.  #206Indigo on December 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

    That is such a fantastic reminder, sensual 🙂

    Thank you for sharing.

  206.  #207Luzydel on December 23, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I got a text from a MAtch CD this morning; I thought he disappeared or found someone else so I left it alone. I see how not thinking about a man too much can make them come close to us. Again no sign from “D”, He was swallowed by earth I guess, and I am not going to contact him; he said he will contact me to see how the Dr. appointment went, but he didn’t, so I am not going to volunteer the information if he is not interested. I did overfunctioned a little for the last few weeks with him; I feel drained. it happens when I overfunction, I feel energy-less.

    I feel kinda yucky towards POF; I know it is practice, but I feel I am beyond practice at this time. Common! I met 40 men during that time. I want somethinmg stronger and different. Onlint dating is good when someone self esteem is shatered, but I can handle “real” men out and about now. I know I will meet less men, but the quality will be better than the quantity.


  207.  #208MovingMagic on December 23, 2012 at 11:48 am

    I look at on-line dating as just another outlet for meeting men. I don’t spend time looking for men, they find me. Spending alot of time looking feels like over functioning to me. I’ve met some great men through it, my ex included. I’ve also developed some wonderful friendships from some of those meetings.

  208.  #209Tereslyn on December 23, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I am lonely. I am trying to embrace the feeling but it is hard. I have my children around but I want someone to love me in the right way, someone to care about me and cherish me . I have been stood up this weekend by 2 different men and haven’t heard from my long distant guy either. The sadness is overwhelming at times. I feel withdrawn and apart from everyone around me.

  209.  #210Indigo on December 23, 2012 at 12:11 pm


    I know how hard it can be. Rori’s tools are amazing though, and this blog is an amazing place for healing.

    Sending love to you for attention, gifts and company from quality men.

  210.  #211Tereslyn on December 23, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Indigo, thank u soo much. I wish the same for you. I believe Rori’s tools can help and I already find this blog reassuring and comforting.

  211.  #212MovingMagic on December 23, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    (Hugs to all the lonely sirens) healing ain’t easy.

  212.  #213Frannie on December 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Hi ladies! I have a question. I’m on vacation with my family and my man of 2 months is at home. We’ve texted a few times and I’m wondering if its ok for me to text him first or do I need to wait for him to text/call me? I know I should be leaning back but it’s so hard while I’m in Florida and he’s in Philly. Suggestions?

    Happy holidays to all!

  213.  #214Miss Bells on December 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    # 192 ((((Indigo)))))
    “There are times when I get very, very tired of knowing that he loves me, and yet at the same time of pining for what I want. He seems resigned, almost like, well yes, just go be with someone else, it’s for the best. And I will do whatever I want.”

    That is how this thing with HS occurs for me as well.

  214.  #215Miss Bells on December 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm


    “Miss Bells, which would be the most healing for you? I feel myself drawn to your third option. It would probably be the most triggering, but so healing & revealing. Imagine being able to eventually find peace in such a scenario. What would that feel & look like to you?”

    This is what I will do, when it comes down to it–option 3.

    It is the most conservative choice. I can always “DO” one of the more active choices.

    Waiting awhile won’t hurt at this point.

  215.  #216Miss Bells on December 23, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Indigo–HS is also my Ex, not my boyfriend.

    He tried to define me as “friend”. I said no—I am your Ex, not your friend. Big difference.

  216.  #217Luzydel on December 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    I love the feeling of lonelines because now it reminds me of how much I got; I love feeling lonely and unvalued; good things come out of destruction; something new comes out of the feeling of loneliness, I have myself and a few wonderful friends; I am talented and I paint and write the best poems when I feel lonely; I realized and pay attention to the things and people that are always there when I feel lonely; I embrace and like myself more when I feel lonely; I love feeling lonely!

  217.  #218Miss Bells on December 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Frannie–I would wait.

  218.  #219Daria on December 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    i love me

    big babysteps talking about sex

    and i insisted on getting mines and giving nothing back i didnt feel like giving

    and he got mad at the end and said he doesnt think it will work out

    and it turns out he needs to get his dick sucked

    and we talked about it… bec ***IIII**** can talk about this now

    haha easy

    i dont knwo i want a better lover tho one that it feels easy for me with

    with this one it feels so challenging and i feel soo triggered omgosh

    like he doesnt know how to do it or feel me and eh thinks hes putting a lot of work to take some hours or minutes to learn


    i want to feel good easily

    thanks for holding my boundaries

    no dick sucking or giving in to pressure to pleasure him

    alla bout pleasuring me

    i want a man that WANTS that from me

    thanks D

    you did SOOOO great!

    and even that he was able to say HIs needs

    and i HEARD him and i Said so!

    and we *negotiated*

    and it felt fun!

    and i still didnt do anything i didnt want to

    and now i Want to suck his dick cuz i Get it cuz it wouldnt feel fun to me to get turned down either and some things are just Needs and i care about sexual needs

    and i care a lot about my own which means

    i didnt feel like pleasing him as it felt soo chaleenging to get to pleasing Me and getting me truned on

    i need all my energy on Me

  219.  #220Tereslyn on December 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    I got a call from long distant guy…. Didn’t answer cuz I feel needy n lonely n on the verge of tears…. Should I call back? I didn’t answer cuz I didn’t want him to hear the neediness in my voice, but I’d like to talk to him . Is it true? Men respond to no contact not to words..

  220.  #221k2012 on December 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Yes Indigo. I saw your response. Do u both want more or u are satisfied with the status quo? ” I want someone to love me in the right way, someone to care about me and cherish me .” Oh boy, Tereslyn, that’s the cry of us single women who are ready for a serious relationship. In my prayers at night and at church, or anywhere I want to pray, I pray for the same thing-to find a good man to love and cherish me. Just this morning, I said to myself that God must be have a very special man out there for me why it is taking so long for me to meet a man with whom I will have a lasting relationship with. Hugs to u. U said u were stood up by two different men and haven’t heard from your long distance guy? Do u have any girlfriends who u could give them a call or hang out with them to cheer u up apart from us ladies here on the blog? Dating can be disappointing at times eh? I hope u will be able to meet other guys during the christmas season.

  221.  #222Daria on December 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    from the beginning he *sulked* when he thought he wasnt gonna get some

    and nwo here it is, out in the open and were negotiating

    he wanted it to be 50 50 sharing favors

    i said no i dont want that i want it all about me, i dont do favors or do anything sexual that i dont feel totally inpsired for (thinking here, suxkc dick when i dont feel like it on my own as a turn on)


    i said were diff male and female and its not the same

    you step away i dont step after you i stay here and you come back

    thats what makes it fun and exciting thrilling polarity

    awww and hes all bummed like hes not gonan get his dick sucked

    haha he would if it was good

    but its NOT whewf yet

    it feels lovely but NOT good

    like yeah, turn me on good


    i dont want to give

    my lil girl is very “*punishing**

    i love my lil girl and honor her and look up smug and stuck up at people she feels that way towrards i love my smug stupck up nto giving selfihs lil girl

    i dont believe in selfish thats what he dont get

    when youre selfish you give MORE smoehow

    so i do that and be selfish
    i give BEETTER

    cuz i give only cuz it feels good to me

    and i didnt fel like giving to him cuz honestly, i feel like i should be given to for taking the time to let him learn rather tahn discarding him

    for not knowint how to please me

    you know?

    and he has to poke around and i have to show him my clitoris so many times and it feels

    sooooooooo shy-making


  222.  #223Daria on December 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    i felt myself shutting down at times

    i did Only what i wanted to practice holding my boundaries

  223.  #224k2012 on December 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    This christmas season is so busy with stuff to do that I have not yet gone to Christianmingle and christian cafe websites to see if I can find a guy in my country. Still timid about going back to online dating. Well I will continue to pray that I will meet guys to circular date with. During the christmas season when there is no man in your life u feel a sense of loneliness. I am trying to organize link ups with friends.

  224.  #225Miss Bells on December 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    K2—I can’t speak for Indigo, but there are times when there is no easy answer–no good solution.
    I will just LIVE my way THROUGH it, know that more will be revealed in time.
    I can love in spite of not getting exactly what I want, I can live my own life, I can strive towards my best self, and I can use self-control when needed.
    The older you get the more the idea of closure becomes impossible. That is OK for me.

  225.  #226Smile on December 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Thanks tam,I’m trying to see it as practise mostly about stating my boundaries. I actually don’t feel good after now. Feel regretful.

  226.  #227Smile on December 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    My fear around circular dating at the minute is I have 2 guys I really like…

    What if the both want a relationship with me? What if I can’t choose?

    Urg, total forward thinking, feel like I’m leading them on. Feel like I haven’t told them I’m dating others, even though were not exclusive and have only met both a few times.

  227.  #228Smile on December 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    I feel like purchasing roris Targetting mr right DVDs

    Feeling fearful my mum will find out what it is when it’s delivered. Does rori send it plain packaged?

  228.  #229k2012 on December 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    “The older you get the more the idea of closure becomes impossible.” Hey Miss Bells, u think so? Boy I want to tell u something. I find myself having difficulty with the closure thing. U see if disappearing ex would finally get brave and call and apologize and even confess, that would represent closure for me. Even if he doesn’t confess, at LEAST an apology Bells would be acceptable and that would give me closure. But hairdresser/relationship counsellor with her spiritual gift says he is not going to apologize if he calls. He is only going to give me more lies, so of course I will have to give myself closure. Deleting him finally from facebook profile feels like some sort of closure for me. Part of me still want to curse him off and I was thinking that if I ever run into him (if he is visiting our country for christmas), I would just walk past him. I would not speak to him. I will have to give myself closure.

  229.  #230Tereslyn on December 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Thanks everyone… I will reach out to family n friends, believe that is my best option rather than call long distant guy right now, for fear of being needy and pushing him away. I also feel that closure is harder the older u get and sometimes I just have to be where I am and sit with that n do nothing until my gut tells me what to do. I am trying to feel my feelings but also realize they don’t last forever. Thx for all the encouragement girls

  230.  #231Emerson on December 23, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I feel like a broken record but please sirens help me with first date suggested questions and other tips… Dominique slv femininewoman calling all sirens….
    It’s been a while since I had a first date and I want to try something different…

  231.  #232Smile on December 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Hi Emerson, first date questions. I have been practising letting the guy take the lead with the asking questions. If I want to know about him after I’ve answered something or spoken, I’ve said, how about you? If there have been any little silences my tool is to just smile sweetly and practise looking feminine.
    Also when I’ve been answering things I’ve shared how things made me feel and tried to be descriptive in my talking 🙂

  232.  #233Smile on December 23, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    We danced! He took the lead and I followed. It felt amazing!

  233.  #234Emerson on December 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    BlueCD keeps asking me to come to his house .. I said no.. Daria , sirsns can you help me with some scripts how to reply please…
    Daria I’ve used some of your scripts from the past with blueCD and wow he responds well… Masculine energy coming from him and calling me “sweetie” Hee hee

  234.  #235Emerson on December 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Thank you smile!!

  235.  #236Sassy on December 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    NEW THREAD UP!!! The Holiday post

  236.  #237GlowStix on December 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    mmmmmm feeling freshly ravished. Oh yum! I bet I look pretty hot too, all messy hair and heavy eyelids and slight smile and glowing. I feel glowing. It feels good to awake to a man just watching you sleep, and hear “You’re cutesies.”. Today feels fun and delightful and deliciously lazy.

  237.  #238kitty_jo on December 24, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Hello everyone. This is my first time posting. Been getting emails bout this site for a lil while and very much enjoyed the advice on them. I am in a situation that im not sure what to do in…. hopeing for few pointers in rite direction?

    A few months back somthing started between me and a very very very good guy friend. One of my best friends. We have had a little fling in the past but was a friends with benifits thing and that ended well for us both. This time we made us officcial. And it was perfect. All of it. We both were compleatly hqppy with eachother and the relationship. One day few weeks ago…. he pulled back. Stopped talking much at all. Said he needed time to think but did want to be with me. I freaked and instead of givin him time and space tried to tell him why we were so good together and how much he ment to me. And went way overbord…. we agreed to go back to just friends. Then i found out during the time i was saying absolutly everything t get him to come back… and he was pulling away and not talking that he slept with another girl. A friend of his. I freaked out of course. And finaly i backed off and stopped texting him. :then last week i went outta state to bring my baby daughter to meet her dad who jus got outta prison. My ex was not happy about it at all. Is that a good sign he still loves me? Still wants somthing when time is right? Or just that h dosnt want me to be with this other guy? We still havnt talked much. But are deffinetly back on rite track to talking and beimg friends again. I miss him so much tho…. both as my boyfriend and as my best friend…. what should i do?

  238.  #239Radlove on December 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Kitty Jo,

    Welcome! So are you calling the man you were dating a few months the same person as your ex that you refer to at the end? It helps if you give them a nickname, because I feel confused reading your post.

    In any case, your questions sound like you are getting into his head. The goal is to get into your heart, not into his head. Stay on your bridge on your way to his happy ever after. If he is not in front of you, he doesn’t exist in that moment.

    But since you asked, yes, he sounds still interested. I would make myself like a warm, soft, open sandy beach and just enjoy what moments you have without pushin for more…that way you can learn from my mistakes. 😉

  239.  #240uma on December 31, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I’m a divorced mother, financially independent and attractive. However, my online dating isn’t working. I must have the highest rejection rate in all of Manhattan. I’ve had over 600 views on and no one has responded. I’ve had women and men review my profile and the only comment was that I could use a better picture. Changed the picture, but no results. I can’t employ any of Rori’s tactics without even getting a date. Advice? Also, recommendations for a phenomenal personal stylist and photographer in NYC would be great. Many, many thanks!

  240.  #241alicia on January 3, 2013 at 8:08 am

    I need help, I am so sad and depressed, I have been seeing the same man for 4 years with no commitment and every couple of months he pushes me to the side like I don’t exist to just come back to start all over, I love this man and feel empty without him but I am tired of being sad all the time and waiting on him to decided when we talk plz help I don’t know what to do????

  241.  #242Rori Raye on January 3, 2013 at 9:41 am

    alicia – I don’t know how old you are – and when a long-term boyfriend becomes something that doesn’t work for you. Feeling “empty” without a “certain” man is your clue that something’s wrong in the way you value yourself and what you want in life and love. Get all the help you can here, and I KNOW you can Circular Date and find a way to feel better and talk straighter to this man. Virginia Clark at has a personal story that will help you. Love, Rori