‘It’s Over!’ 10 Breakup Survival Tips to Get You Through It – Sheri Meyers

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Here’s a great guest post…

by Dr. Sheri Meyers

You just got dumped, or maybe you broke up with someone. You just want to curl up and retreat from the world.

It doesn’t matter if it was a long-term relationship, a short-lived cyber affair, an unrequited love or a good friends-with-benefits arrangement. If you cared and connected, you feel a deep and painful void where there was once laughter and affection. It’s like experiencing a small death.

Grieving over your lost love for a short time is understandable, but if you linger too long in the purgatory of how-it-used-to-be, your friends will eventually get tired of hearing you talk about your ex and advise you to “Get over it.”

You agree on some level. You know that you really ought to start getting on with life and move on. Every day starts with that intention. But every night ends with you wanting to call them, check out their Facebook page or look through old photos, just to feel closer to them.

Getting over it. Easy to say. Much harder to do.

And no wonder, because there’s a bio-chemical reason behind the desperation and despair.

Researchers who’ve looked at the brains of the lovelorn say that loss, especially rejection by a romantic partner, lights up areas of the brain that are associated with addiction. This can lead to psychological reactions that cause obsessive preoccupation with your partner, feelings of frenzied desperation, guilt over what you could have done differently and even physical pain. Letting go for good seems unimaginable.

Trust me, as both a relationship therapist and a veteran of countless breakups myself, I’ve seen it all and I get it. What I’ve discovered along the way is that you need a holistic approach to getting over a breakup, one that addresses the four core areas: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The following are highly effective strategies from the healing section my book using each of those four core areas to get you on the road to recovery from that breakup — fast.

PHYSICAL

1. Meditate, don’t medicate. Avoid overusing drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and coffee and resist the urge to stuff down your feelings using chocolate and food. You’ll only end up feeling worse about yourself. In times of stress, having a drink or eating a quart of ice cream may be tempting, but doing so will only cause you to spiral down into a depression, lose sleep and gain weight. Instead, take five minutes to sit quietly, meditate, practice yoga or deep breathing.

2. Eat healthfully and regularly. Your body can’t function properly without the proper nutrition. Don’t skip meals or resort to convenience food. Treat yourself as if you were your own child — eat wholesome meals that are balanced and freshly made.

3. Get plenty of sleep. There’s nothing more replenishing to your body than quality sleep. If you are having trouble going to sleep because of punishing, pain-producing thoughts, try this: Keep a journal by your bed, write down your anxieties and imagine them flowing out of you and onto the paper. Say, “I fully release you and let you go. I give myself permission to peacefully sleep.”

4. Exercise your blues away. The absence of pleasure-producing endorphins after a break up can make you feel sluggish and miserable. Exercise increases your endorphins. Join a health club, take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk to work, do some yoga or take a salsa lesson. Make a promise to do something active for 30 minutes a day for 30 days, no excuses.

EMOTIONAL

5. Feel your feelings. Don’t ignore or stuff them down. Let the tears flow and express your anger. Ignored emotions will only make you calloused and afraid. One way of unloading your feelings is to write out what might be too difficult to say out loud to others right now. Or better yet, start a dialogue with your broken heart, asking this part of you questions and giving it the solace and attention it needs right now.

6. Surround yourself with smiles and happy vibes. Make time for some feel good activities — anything from having a cup of tea with a friend to taking the kids to the zoo to playing a round of golf. Be sure to surround yourself with people that will uplift you, not unhappy ones that will just drag you down. Studies have shown that laughter or just smiling has a way of lifting your mood instantly.

MENTAL

7. Stop obsessing. All those obsessive thoughts and instant replays of would of, could of, should of head trips must stop NOW. The best way to do it is to say, “STOP!” If the thoughts won’t stop, then say, “NO! STOP NOW!” If they persist, then continue, “ENOUGH! NO MORE! STOP!”

Saying “STOP!” interrupts the obsessive thought process and breaks the cycle of pain. Immediately, redirect your thoughts away to something good that is happening in your life.

8. Take a 60-second vacation. Thinking relaxing thoughts and verbalizing calming statements starts the healing process and helps you lessen anxiety. Take a deep breath and say out loud, “I am calm. I am safe and I can handle this.” Anything from smelling a flower to petting an animal can help take you away for even a minute, which starts the process of feeling free.

SPIRITUAL

9. Gratitude is grounding. Have you ever noticed that it’s impossible to feel grateful and depressed at the same time? Gratitude can transform pain into love and bring peace to your emotional chaos. Remind yourself of all the things you’re grateful for. Better yet, write it down. This strategy works miracles for bringing you out of any gloomy mood.

10. Give to others. Studies show that the happiest people are ones who give the most to others. When you’re depressed, anxious or stressed, there is a high degree of focus on the self. Focusing on the needs of others literally helps shift your thinking and your mood from victimhood to empowerment.

When you’re feeling down after a breakup, you may feel like you want to avoid the very activities that will actually make you feel better — exercise, visiting friends, being kind to those in need. As much as you might want to, avoid isolating yourself from others. Ask for help and talk to a friend who you know is a good listener. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Don’t think of this as time wasted because you aren’t with that special person, but as precious time you need to reinvest in a healthier, more grounded and more spiritually enlightened you.

Sheri Meyers, Psy.D is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Los Angeles, CA, and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.

Connect with Dr. Sheri Online:

Twitter
https://twitter.com/DrSheriMeyers

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Dr.SheriAnnMeyers

Website
www.chattingorcheating.com

 

1 Comments

  1.  #1BAB/Rebekah on November 30, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Helloooooo helloooo lol



  2.  #2BAB/Rebekah on November 30, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Helloooooo helloooo lol



  3.  #3Femininewoman on November 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Where did I see this recently? Maybe an email from her.



  4.  #4Mercedes on November 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

    FW: Didn’t realize there was another post up when I put this on the other thread for you:

    FW: I don’t do it with everyone either. But once I did it to a guy I knew at work (actually I knew him for about three days…we were at a conference at the same time but I had never actually met him before).

    There were several of us at a table and they brought some people their food but not everyone. I was in the “not everyone” group. I reached over and grabbed a fry right as they set his plate down in front of him. I was so embarrassed! It was totally automatic…I just reached over and took one. Everyone got quiet for about 2 seconds and then we all laughed. I was like “Oh my god! I’m so sorry. I do that….”

    Red face just thinking about it now….

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  5.  #5Starla on November 30, 2012 at 10:59 am

    This is great, thanks!

    I want Rori to post more about stopping obsessing/thinking about an ex you want back/in love with too, to round out the topic on this website



  6.  #6Starla on November 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Did yall see this? I’ve been wanting to see a rori franchise for a while! I feel so excited! I’d like to see brick and mortar rori stores, where seminars are held, like jazzercise for romance:)

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/be-a-rori-raye-certified-life-and-relationship-coach/



  7.  #7Goddess Lily on November 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Starla,

    I agree. Relationships all over the world would run so much smoother.



  8.  #8Violette on November 30, 2012 at 11:38 am

    I had a third date with such a sexy man last night. Ugh, we slept together on the first date…I really didn’t want to but he was a bit pushy and I did want to also. Which is fine but last night I went ahead and mentioned to him that when I’m sleeping with someone I need sexual exclusivity…and he got really quiet. Later he invited me to bed and I asked him what he thought about what I’d said and he said I’d thrown out an ultimatum in the middle of the evening…that he’d heard what I said. I spent the night, because he’d driven me to his house (which made it harder for me to feel in control…) and nothing more was mentioned. Before I brought it up sexual exclusivity he’d started saying really sweet things and I was feeling so into him that I knew I needed to say something or I’d get in over my head! But I also feel like I’ve made a mistake, the way I brought it up…I felt so nervous.
    Even though we left it as cuddly and smoochy, I still feel sure that’s it, I either won’t hear from him again or he’ll try to keep it non exclusive and sexual, and really want to let this go!
    What a mess…
    Thank you to all who read this and take the time to listen in on my journey towards the relationship I want!
    I’m going out to a party tonight and I am planning to flirt with everyone there.



  9.  #9Mercedes on November 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Violette: In my opinion, this is the perfect response to what happened: “I’m going out to a party tonight and I am planning to flirt with everyone there.”

    🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  10.  #10Femininewoman on November 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Got an “Wants to Meet” you email from the dating site. When I checked his profile said he was only interested in dating.

    Me: Thanks. It seems we are not a match because I am looking for more than dating.

    w: I was 2 but i keep getting my heart broken 🙁

    Me: I know how you feel, I have felt that way too. I feel better hoping and dreaming that one day I will find the relationship that feels blissful



  11.  #11Iamabutterfly on November 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    is there anyway to fix “less than ideal” behavior with a guy you don’t know at all?

    I feel like Mr. Stares Me Down has written me off, and that feels bad.

    want to give him a chance, but feel like I blew it…



  12.  #12Mercedes on November 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Lama: I’m confused about your question. You’re wanting to “fix” your behavior or his?



  13.  #13Tam on November 30, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I want to stop thinking and obsessing.
    There is nothing to think and obsess about and I just want to move on already. I feel impatient.
    Seeing the ex will regurtitate all that happened at the beginning of the year. It seemed like a good idea yesterday and today it just seems like prolonging tha pain around the whole story. In some ways I wish to just bury and forget it all and start again with different actors in my film.
    Ah, if only it were that easy.



  14.  #14Iamabutterfly on November 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Mine. I feel like I acted so scared of him that he took it as disinterest. or that I had a boyfriend…

    I feel embarassed.
    and somewhat giggly, because I honestly don’t care that much.



  15.  #15Tam on November 30, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I hope that I learnt something and am not going to wade through the same stuff again…



  16.  #16Mercedes on November 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Lama: heehee! Best place to be when you don’t really care that much. 🙂 I believe a warm smile and eye contact is all we ladies really need to do in order to show a man we’re interested…beyond that, he can pick up the oars…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  17.  #17Tam on November 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    So the ex says yesterday: oh you sound so sad, not at all like I remember you, what’s wrong?
    So what must I say. I can hardly tell him the truth ‘well I just broke up with my imaginary relationship, you know the real reason why we broke up and I blamed our issues for? Oh God.
    No. Maybe a white lie could be that I haven’t felt well in the last couple of days. That’s the truth too. I actually feel broken, grey, sad and like an empty shell right now.
    Just the thought of socialising wears me out already.
    I can do it.



  18.  #18Violette on November 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Thanks for the encouragement, Mercedes!!



  19.  #19Femininewoman on November 30, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Make peace with grief.

    When you feel it, go…ahhhh…that’s it. That’s the feeling I was avoiding.
    Now accept it. Accept the feeling, and accept what’s right in front of you – what IS.
    Accept the person, the situation, your own thoughts and feelings – everything just as it is.
    Now just take a very slow step forward with your body.
    Lay down if you have to, and just move around a bit.
    Breathe into your belly.
    When your mind fixates on something….accept it, make peace with it, and allow it to float away like a cloud until the next “sureness” comes along for you to accept, make peace with, and allow to float away.
    Take another step.
    Living your life with no thoughts in your mind that stick and stay, and with feelings in your gut that come and go and filter through and float away (even if they feel bad and painful sometimes as they come and go) – that’s the way to live your life ALIVE.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/what-do-i-know-about-love-grief-and-gratitude/#more-3628



  20.  #20MissStix on November 30, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Yes…Rori would get me.

    She might be the only person on the planet who would get me.



  21.  #21MissStix on November 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Post 19 tells me she gets me.



  22.  #22Starla on November 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    “Living your life with no thoughts in your mind that stick and stay, and with feelings in your gut that come and go and filter through and float away (even if they feel bad and painful sometimes as they come and go) – that’s the way to live your life ALIVE.”

    awesome, thanks for sharing!!

    i like the part about thoughts floating away like clouds always… i aim to achieve this in my meditation practice every day.

    but the part about letting gut feelings go… hmmm gonna wrap my mind around this today.

    this is lovely, thanks again



  23.  #23Shar lean way back on November 30, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I’m working on my visualization meditation. Not sure if i’m “getting” it though but I will keep trying. Yes Starla, let us know anything you learn 🙂



  24.  #24Mercedes on November 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    I’m going home soon ladies and probably won’t be online over the next couple of days but I wanted to wish each and every one of you an amazing weekend! Happy meditation for those of you participating. 🙂

    Rest. Relaxation. Good food. Good health. Peaceful thoughts.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  25.  #25Rori Raye on November 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Starla – Thanks – I’ve been amazed at the level of interest for this…I’m hard at work creating a “Coaches Manual” and working out how I’ll teach it over about 7 months…and look forward to getting all of your input for putting it together in the best way for everyone. Love, Rori



  26.  #26Smile on November 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    1stdate hmm well it felt Pleasant enough. I felt a bit turned off when he said he didn’t work much, his job was easy. He didn’t get up today till 10.15am.
    The conversation flowed. It was 55mins FW.
    He didn’t arrange to see me again.
    He texted to say it was nice to meet me.
    Then he texed again asking how I thought it went… He didn’t think there was much chemistry.
    I replied…that’s fine. It felt lovely to meet you, chemistry doesn’t always feel instant to meet. It feels difficult to get to know someone in an hour.
    He replied, I know what you mean.

    Now I have to feel accepting of this. I don’t want to pull everything I said and did apart to figure out if I did something to turn him off.

    He felt a bit like a boy. I am looking for a man.



  27.  #27Brenda on November 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I’m going a painful seperation I’ve been with this guy for 10 yrs I have my part in what went wrong small things that don’t compare to all his lies and several women he has told me he he loves me but not willing to stick to being just with me but says he doesn’t want to loose me so I cut contact I took that as it was over but now I’m trying to erase him out my mind and he keeps calling everyday or text from 5am throughout the day and comes over 2 a week still I asked him not to come around its hurts me too much he said I’m his Boo he loves me and thats never gone change I love him too but I feel like he just wants me on his terms we hardly ever went out he’s hardly there when I really need him.what should I do?



  28.  #28crushed on November 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Im in the aftermath of a “I need some time” situation. I do understand where he’s coming from and I do recognize that I had been aggressively pressuring him to be more than he was able to be at this time. Part of me reads that and initially thinks “well that’s a crock… how hard is it to apply yourself just a little more to obtain something youve agreed is definitely a good thing” but then I also realize that I’ve presented myself as an emotional wreck for the majority of the year and heck most days even I don’t wish to be around myself. So I’ve stopped contacting him, except I did ask for help transporting some couches for me on Tuesday and afterwards he asked me to join him for dinner. I took 2/3 of a pork loin home and told him I would prepare it the next day the way he likes it. The next day I sent him a text that said “I did make that meal so if you’re out and about, you can swing by if you’d like otherwise I will put it in the fridge until tomorrow.” He called an hour later saying they wouldn’t be finishing the project they were working on until after ten pm so we better wait til tomorrow. The next day I refrained from contacting him at all and around 5 he called to let me know he was home. He asked what I was doing and I said I was sorting through the stuff to take to the new house and was almost ready to take a load over there. He suggested I stop by and um… don’t forget that pork dinner wink wink.

    I visited for an hour or so and then said “well Im going to get out of your hair” to which he replied “you don’t have to leave, and you’re not in my hair.” I stayed another 15 minutes but then I did head out. He told me he needed to make a trip an hour south to get some of his stuff out of a storage unit and asked if Id like to go with him/give him a ride since he has no license. I love his family so Id be happy to ride along. He also indicated that the next day he was going to be working at a mutual friends home and I owed them $20 so when I left there I stopped at the bank and withdrew $20, I went to the house to drop off my items and I returned to his place with some stuff from the freezer. He and his friend were not there so I left a scratch off lottery ticket on the table and drove away, I thought “hmmm I wonder” and headed two miles into town where I found their vehicle parked at the local country hick bar. I went in and they were there playing a game of pool. He appeared happy to see me and I briefly explained the $20. He took the money and asked if Id like a drink. I said Wow I haven’t been here in a long time, but nah Im gonna head home. He said ok and gave me a kiss goodbye.

    18 minutes later he texted “you left a scratchy?” I replied “I did. big bucks no whammies. good night.” Around 11 this morning he called to say his sister told him to bring his 40 foot ladder to fix some things on her restaurant so he was torn between having to take his truck with the ladder racks or having me drive my vehicle which would be a hassle with the ladder so he didn’t know what to do. He sounded frustrated and asked if I had anything to do if I didn’t go. I said I had plenty to work on at the house and made it sound like “just go do what you need to do, don’t worry about me.” He said “Ugh Im just in a bad mood.” Which I assume is due to the fact that gassing up his truck costs more than gassing up mine so all I said was “aww Im sorry to hear that.” (typically I would have bent over backwards to come up with some way to remedy the situation, even offering to pay for the gas to get there but I left it at Im sorry to hear you’re in a bad mood.) He finished the chat with “I will call you later.” And I found myself sounding very bubbly “Alrighty… good bye.” I have no idea if he made the trip or if he will call and I guess Im ok with that but its difficult for me not to send him a text about a conversation I had with a company about a potential job. I have been witnessing the positive results by my leaning back so Im going to have to trust the unknown.



  29.  #29MissStix on November 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Dedicated to all sirens

    Her Strut-Bob Seger

    She’s totally committed
    To major independence
    But she’s a lady through and through
    She gives them quite a battle
    All that they can handle
    She’ll bruise some
    She’ll hurt some too
    But oh they love to watch her strut
    Oh they do respect her but
    They love to watch her
    Sometimes they’ll want to leave her
    Just give up and leave her
    But they would never play that scene
    In spite of all her talking
    Once she starts in walking
    The lady will be all they ever dreamed
    Oh they’ll love to watch her strut
    Oh they’ll kill to make the cut
    They love to watch her strut



  30.  #30Starla on November 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Rori – I truly see you replacing ‘The Rules’ and similarly well-known dating advice franchises as the new “Bible” for women in dating. The Rori gospel, hehe. I see you becoming a household name. I’m so excited for the huge success that’s coming your way and the legacy that is emerging from your work!



  31.  #31sunlight on November 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    For me the feeling of pain when my marriage ended because of his betrayal was more than anything a physical pain.



  32.  #32Belle on November 30, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    25

    OMG OMG OMG! For weeks I have been wishing something like a coaching program was available! My friends are getting SO much out of what I’m learning.
    I would love love love to do this program! Thank you so much for offering this, Rori!!



  33.  #33Luzydel on November 30, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    I think I am turning a little slutty… I feel judgmental of myself. I am still talking to “D” and even willing to have sex with him if the opportunity arises and I am setting up dates with guys at match.



  34.  #34Sassy on November 30, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Miss Stix,

    What you wrote on the last thread about “being got” and being lonely and the only person on the planet, …
    No sweetie, you’re definitely NOT alone nor are you the only one that’s not being “got”.
    I totally get everything you said!
    I’ve been feeling very “forgotten” and left out a lot lately so I get the loneliness.



  35.  #35Scarlet on November 30, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Hey Starla
    I went to my psychic lady today. I know not everyone is into this sort of thing, but I know you are Starla and I said I’d let you know how the session went.

    She was so right about most of the things in my life and she did give me some hope for my future.

    I have been so scared that I will be alone and lonely forever, but she says she’s certain a lovely man will be in my life within the next 6 months. Of course I was wanting to know about the current man and she did not give me any hope around him. She thinks he is not in control of his own life and I wouldn’t want him in the state that he’s in now anyway, but she could see my hope that we would be together. She doesn’t see him in my future. She thinks he’ll try to come back but I may think differently about him by then. She also confirmed my intuition that his ex is having a big influence on him and that she manipulates him. I was really worried about being so obsessed with her in the picture, but I must have been picking up on it.

    She also spoke about being at the end of a 9 year cycle and a new one begins in February 2013. So, a bit of a mixed bag. I feel sad that I have to let go of any hope of having this man back, but at least she has given me some hope that there is someone better out there for me.



  36.  #36Radlove on November 30, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I got stood up. 🙁

    That is so disrespectful, and I feel disappointed…yet again…par for the course.

    It would feel good if I could have just one good first date.



  37.  #37Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Woohoo! I made it to 50,000 words of my novel to become a Nanowrimo winner in the month of November!

    I feel like it was such a great challenge and had much growth writing along with daily meditation and Rori’s tools.

    Thank-you to all of you who share yourselves here! All of you rock!!!



  38.  #38Radlove on November 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Brenda,

    27 – I think you get the prize for the longest sentence in the world 😉 Sincerely, though, I am having a hard time understanding what your question is.



  39.  #39Sassy on November 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    (((((Radlove)))))

    Never ever give up.



  40.  #40Sassy on November 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Starbright,

    Congratulations!!! Awesome



  41.  #41Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Aw, Radlove, that feels disappointing! I hope you create something else to do to treat yourself well. It could be as simple as a warm bubble bath or painting your finger or toe nails. Or, reading a new book. Dancing with some feel good music. Something that feels good to your soul!

    ((((((Radlove))))))



  42.  #42Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    Sassy,

    Thanks so much! It feels great to read your “Awesome” post!!!



  43.  #43Daria on November 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    I got stood up too



  44.  #44Daria on November 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    M feeling disappointed about it, dang



  45.  #45Daria on November 30, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    I did that heart meditation FW posted and used myself as the one to love. I feel surprised I noticed some of the judgements I had about myself, like for feeling sad botchy whiny even when i was seeing myself as a small child 🙁 and how i thought i was weak and not good enough for being sad instead of tough . and loved myself thru them



  46.  #46Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Good post. I am feeling a lot of that stuff even though we are not broken up.
    Just a bit too much distance–a condition that keeps coming up again and again.
    He hasn’t been on Match for over 10 days (i’m not supposed to know but I do). He came down for Thanksgiving but went home. Has yet to sleep at MY house. But then he took me out to dinner last Friday to a fairly expensive place. I spent the weekend and took him to brunch on Sunday. Me being broke was always a sticking point with him, but now I am not broke.
    Monday he was all pushy about me finally publishing his Mom’s book to Kindle. But I ended up working on his computer instead. For six hours.
    So I said “my clients would pay $300 for that. I would charge you the family rate of $150. Sooooo, would you rather write me a check or take me to dinner? Your choice. He chose dinner and met me at my house, but didn’t stay over.
    But, I took his lap-top with me to finish the book. So yesterday he had to come get it and bought me lunch.
    He has been very present and tender with me when he IS with me, kissing me and holding my hand. And he has not been trolling.
    But–it is now Friday night and I am about to go out alone. Not a peep today. I am trying something different, using the leaning back tool.
    Why do I still feel two so completely opposite messages from him?
    I know Rori would say to CD. And I know that it works as a psychological safety net against forming an attachment too soon–IF you do it when you don’t already have an attachment. But I was already in this up to my eyebrows before I ever started following Rori.
    It is too late for me to not feel pain over this.
    I enjoy going out and meeting new people by myself. I enjoy the time I spend out dancing, and I am fully present. BUT–it does nothing to help with the awful feelings I get when it seems that HS is not ever going to get any closer. And that he would with someone else, just not me. I don’t even know if these things are true, but I do know that he is a very difficult man according to Rori’s quiz, and according to him as well.
    It is possible that full use of all the tools will turn this around if I am patient. He is also taking a hefty dose of prednisone, which is a personality changer.
    What do you sirens think?
    I am inclined to hold back, wait and see, but be entirely loving if he comes to me.
    There is a guy that is sweet and interesting that often shows up at the club I am heading for. It won’t heal the pain in my heart–that is chemical bonding and I am pretty sure I would have to break-up with HIM and stay away for a long time to break it. But an evening of dancing and laughter beats sitting here alone.
    Tomorrow night he has a gig and I am, of course, expected…



  47.  #47Tereana on November 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Hm…I haven’t been doing too well on the “eating and sleeping” part. Like I mentioned before, when my body is in grief, those normal processes get all whacked out.

    The last two nights, I’ve slept fine. But my appetite is still very low.

    I get what Sheri is saying, that it’s good to feed and take care of yourself. But I was actually thinking about this a lot today. Because right before all this happened, with the two different guys, I was eating quite a lot. And suddenly, down to almost nothing. I’ve been having not more than one meal a day for the last week. Today, I was hungry in the morning, but I actually didn’t eat until dinner. And then only a small amount.

    What I thought about today was that it’s almost like my body and mind are making room for the thoughts I need and the healing to take place. Sounds weird, because eating food gives you energy. But it takes energy to eat and process, too. It’s almost like all the resources get put toward processing the emotions, and food takes a back seat. I eat enough to keep going. What I eat is healthful and not “junky.” And even if I don’t have a full meal, I’ll still be drinking water, decaf coffee and tea.

    I’ll admit that I nearly asked a guy on the street one night if he’d give me a cigarette, but then I thought better of it. I imagined how bad that would feel in my lungs, and yick. Oddly, though, the last couple of days, I’ve woken up with my lungs feeling as if I *did* have a cigarette. Ironic.

    I know my appetite will get back up to normal. Maybe tomorrow.

    7 days is a good amount of time…

    I feel impressed with myself and my body for being so good at healing and taking care of me in this time. I have learned a lot and grown so much this week. I almost feel like I will wake up tomorrow and be a different person. But I won’t be. I will just be happy to be myself….



  48.  #48Tereana on November 30, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Smile – #26

    “He felt a bit like a boy. I am looking for a man.”

    Sounds like you have your answer. You don’t need to pick it apart anymore than that.



  49.  #49Daria on November 30, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Thank you Daria for putting a load of laundry in

    I do Not feel better yet

    I do feel hungry



  50.  #50Dee on November 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    I have a question right now.

    I met a man online and we started texting and then calling. We developed a wonderful connection and he was calling me everyday, sometimes more, and texting me. He said I was always on his mind. My son came home from boarding school, for two weeks, so I didn’t want to go out during that time. We arranged though to meet on Sunday morning after I dropped off my son in Pittsburgh..
    My son’s bus was late, and he had turned up at Panera Bread early, and waited an hour for me. I thought we had arranged that I would call him when my son had left, and he would come out then. He had texted but I was driving. We then talked and I explained the situation. He understood, and said he had to take his son to work. I said, take your son and then we’ll meet afterwards, so that takes the pressure off. He agreed.
    Then I texted him asking him for directions. He didn’t answer, for quite a while, then said he was in a store shopping for hunting supplies with his son, and that he would call me later. I was amazed and asked if he was standing me up. He said he had a busy day which is why he had arranged to meet me in the morning, and he would call later, sorry. He was going to his hunting camp that night.

    He texted me in the early hours of the next morning, saying he was going hunting in an hour. He then responded while in a stand, waiting in the cold. I said I didn’t understand why he had agreed to meet at Panera Bread after he picked up his son, when he knew he was going shopping. He acted like he didn’t understand and kept saying he had arranged to meet early because of all he had to do that day, sorry. I said ok, call me when you can, and check my text messages meanwhile. He said he would call after dark.
    I wished him happy hunting.

    He never called again. I left a message, saying I knew he had messed up, but it wasn’t the end of the world, and I had him pegged for a man of his word, and a good communicator, and now was the time to prove it. If he played his cards right, I might give him a chance to make it up to me, lol. I also texted saying I wasn’t taking anything personally as we had never actually met, that all our other interactions had been positive, and that I liked the man he seemed to be, so I wanted to give things a chance. What did he think.
    He never responded, and took down his online profile the next day.

    I am just so confused. We had such a great connection, and he was so excited to meet. Why would he not even talk to me now?
    He did seem wonderful, and I would like to reconnect. I didn’t realize I was doing anything wrong. I also wanted to reassure him that I wasn’t going to make heavy weather out of the mix up.

    Rori, or Mercedes, do you have any suggestions as to what I could do to get into communication again?
    I welcome anyone else’s input too. Thanks



  51.  #51Tereana on November 30, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    I am almost embarrassed to say that I like this article, because I am so not a “Fox News” person – But I pretty much agree with her. And I think it’s why we are all here on this blog….

    http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/11/24/war-on-men/



  52.  #52Tereana on November 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    My favorite quote about love isn’t even from a book about love. It was about something else, like psychology. And I don’t even remember the author’s name. But he wrote:

    “Love is a simple, uncomplicated thing.”

    And I remember that. Because that’s really it. In our minds, we “expect” it to be complicated. We make it out that way, and when it’s not, we feel confused and we think it’s not “love.” Sometimes we run away or reject it. But really, the simplest, least complicated arrangement probably IS the most loving.

    At least that’s what I want, when it comes to love.

    I want a simple, uncomplicated thing….



  53.  #53Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    I feel so angry. I just ate this organic pear. Thanks Daria.



  54.  #54Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Miss Bells – the Money thing fixing his computer, taking dinner instead of payment , taking him to brunch makes you a low status woman. I know cuz I’ve been there.

    Hope you decide to stop that soon. It took me a lot of desperation n on my knees pain till I did



  55.  #55Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    The guy at the time was my best friend… He loved me. But he couldn’t be with me because we’ll… I was acting like you are in that post. Low status woman guy buddy not knowing my worth or being able to set up for him an experience of romance, where he can give to a woman with boundaries whose a receiver.

    He eventually got a gf and moved into an apt w her and got her name tattooed on his heart and stayed w her for 2 years till she dumped him…
    He wasn’t all that great either he wasn’t honest w her, but

    Well I stuck thru those years too.

    But I still didn’t win.

    I would now, or at least get the most he could offer.

    The trick w it is that being the best friend I get the feel of high status bec I know im loved abd respected as a person, and I know I’m important to him. It seems high status to me…

    But it’s not the woman on the pedestal and the romantic experience the man is looking for.

    🙁

    Ah feels a lil sad thinking back now

    I got triggered by the post, please excuse my advice and just take it as me talking to myself about my own stuff.



  56.  #56Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    I think things will change when you act like a woman who doesn’t do things for men, and doesnt take the coworker capacity w men that want to date her.

    But he may never come back, mine hasn’t yet. He has a child w another woman he moved into his parents house.

    I’m still better off, I know how to create attraction now. I wish his ass had told me how, he seemed to know.

    Oh rob pfff it’s been a long time. I feel like crying.



  57.  #57Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    I Am crying!



  58.  #58Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    At least I felt loved,

    That comfort level feels good



  59.  #59Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Seeing PimpCD last nite who I felt known with helps me remember that deep friendship love at home feeling I had w him.

    I feel so strong now!

    I’m so good at attraction now,

    I know how to love me more now.

    It was worth it, but those times feel warm and softening like spread butter



  60.  #60Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    God it felt so good to trust someone loved me .



  61.  #61Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    It felt so damn safe for my heart, like nothing bad could happen. It felt like I could just be for hours alone not being lonely, cuz he would come soon .



  62.  #62Radlove on November 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Sassy, thank you!

    Starbright, my thoughts exactly! I treated myself out to pizza. And I just started a new book called,

    “Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings”



  63.  #63Radlove on November 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Daria,

    What happened in your situation that you got stood up? How do you feel about it? How did you respond?



  64.  #64Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Pffffff I had someone to refer to someone to belong to someone I knew would vouch for me.

    Ouch
    I feel scared to cry cuz itll get my nose stuffy again.

    What cool emotions to unearth right now!

    Thank you for the trigger



  65.  #65Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    I thought I was so much better than the girls he dated cuz I wasn’t stupid to fall for the okie doke.

    I really had no clue that best friend isn’t the woman he actually likes and eventually chooses.



  66.  #66Daria on November 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    What crap! I feel mad! I feel glad n mad



  67.  #67Daria on November 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Radlove – it’s happening now, I’ve been feeling angry and put in some laundry and ate a pear… Now I got truggered about the guy who brought me to the blog, and cried a bit, I don’t feel angry or focused on the stood up thing anymore

    🙂

    I wana do more laundry of that ones done yet!

    I feel better 🙂 I love crying



  68.  #68Tereana on November 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I feel so grateful. Do you remember when I posted on a blog a little while back about how I wanted some of Rori’s programs, but I didn’t know how I could afford them?

    Well, the Universe heard me, apparently. It so happens that one of my friends is also really into Rori’s stuff. (She may even read this blog eventually. I’ve highly recommended it to her ; ) Well – sorry, Rori – But she (on her own, mind you!) offered to let me borrow her programs. She’s bought every single one that Rori has.

    I feel so blessed.

    ~~

    And as I watch some of Modern Siren, my mind is floating back to the scene at SYG’s apartment. I’m noticing what I’m doing – as I’m talking to him, I am leaning against the door frame. I’m not coming toward him. I’m not running away. I was just relaxed in my body, taking in the situation, feeling deeply, speaking authentically, and leaning. Thinking about that, as my automatic response – that’s actually pretty cool.

    And I realized one other thing tonight that I find really amazing. That night was probably the first time that he saw my heart. So, okay, maybe it was a few months late. Maybe it was after the time that he found a woman who was already in touch with her heart, and that’s why he wanted to be with her. My heart still showed up. And that feels pretty powerful, for what it’s worth.



  69.  #69Daria on November 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I keep letting u back in

    How can I explain myself

    As painful as thing has been

    I just can’t be w no one else

    Sweet prince of the ghetto

    It kisses taste like amaretto

    *cruong and crying and feeling good thru it



  70.  #70Daria on November 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Stupid Pimp CD

    All this is opening up cuz of him

    I guess it’s good tho



  71.  #71Heart on November 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    ((((Daria))))



  72.  #72Daria on November 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    I guess this is also helping me feel thru the dissapontment that PimpCD who I connected so close to the past two days, stood me up



  73.  #73Daria on November 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Thanks Heart



  74.  #74Daria on November 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    Being a mans helpful friend is like being a pimps best joe and wondering why he doesn’t fall in love w u. I know a homegirl goin thru that.

    And sometimes they do stay and have kids w their hoes but after some years pass by I think it doesnt work, the men are still looking.



  75.  #75Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Daria–isn’t it strange that they all say they want to marry their best friend but they don’t…



  76.  #76Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    In some ways I feel so free with him.

    It was a weird night at the club. I had two glasses of champagne and chatted up the regulars. Then walked home. It stopped raining.



  77.  #77Daria on November 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    It wd feel nice to go to sleep now. Too bad u do t have anything fun planned from here to… Ever 🙁

    Tomorrow might suck and dead end as much as today did as far as getting to be out and connecting w people.

    Uuh.

    I can do more laundry right now I forgot abt it.

    I ate some organic strawberries.

    I haven’t eaten much the past few days that I felt so sick, I migh

    A cd that I feel triggered to annoyance by – wow how interesting, I’m judging him! – I made a plan w for tue at 2



  78.  #78Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Because we are older it’s a little different. Needs and wants change.
    I know he loves me, and he is doing the best he can, but it may not be enough.

    He has been picking up the tab lately.

    But–in real life marriages these days it takes to contributors. We both have received our inheritance (mine smaller), so the brunch actually wasn’t wrong. He thinks a woman without money is low status.

    But–he was angling to take TRAILER GIRL to the caribbean. I have a very good memory. I am afraid I am the fall back girl right now–hence the Match BS.

    I don’t want to be the fall-back girl. Sometimes I think I should break up with HIM.



  79.  #79Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Miss Bells,
    I thought you had broken it off and that was why you moved out….?



  80.  #80Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Radlove,

    Tray sounds like a very interesting book! So glad you are finding ways to care for you tonight!



  81.  #81Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    (((((Daria)))))



  82.  #82Daria on November 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Thank you Daria for changing my room 🙂 it feels exciting



  83.  #83Daria on November 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Thanks Starbright



  84.  #84Daria on November 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Thank you Daria for putting healing salves on my nose



  85.  #85Sirenity on November 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Miss Bells i refer you to Butterfly Wings who did just that when she realised she was not being treated as the prize..



  86.  #86Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    @78:
    Did move out. Didn’t break up.



  87.  #87Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    In fact,
    During the last 9 months I lived there I was the house-mate. As Soon as I moved I became the girlfriend again.

    Now i am just confused. I shouldn’t be confused this late in the game.



  88.  #88Daria on November 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    (((((Heart)))))

    ((((((Starbright)))))))



  89.  #89Daria on November 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    (((((all sirens)))))



  90.  #90Daria on November 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    I’m feeling so chill tonite



  91.  #91Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    I don’t have to actually break-up. Just become unavailable…
    In which case he will either pursue or let it go.

    I can’t understand why he does’t just let me go. I have asked him to–if he wasn’t really into me. But he doesn’t.



  92.  #92Miss Bells on November 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    If he could read this he would say that I wasn’t making a big dal out of nothing–but I can FEEL his lack of commitment–he still hasn’t turned to completely face me–he still is looking over my shoulder at OW.

    The sad thing is that he really won’t get it–he would be very hurt if he knew I felt this way.



  93.  #93Tam on November 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    So I went out with exbf, and I realise that I am still not in love with him and why I never was, He is very boy-ish with his ventures and in his life and we just don’t even have anything to talk about, this is so sad.

    He is just attracted to me and wants me and wants to build a life with me and I am just bored to death……there is nothing, which is why I dropped him before (when MrP was back).
    And the kiss of death was when he said ‘oh I just want someone (someone) to cuddle and hug and spend the night with, will you spend the night with me?’ EEEEKKKKKKKKKK. NO!!! NO NO NO.
    He said that when he was dating he met lots of nice women but they always seemed pre-occupied with kids or pets. Yeah, lover, much like you, and I got fed up because I either had my night destroyed by a cat in my face or your kids running riot at all hours…

    Oh I feel sad. He is a good man but again, tonight he did not even listen to me – he kept saying ‘oh really?’ to stuff he was told before, should know etc. as if it was a big revelation, and he also got stuff wrong.

    MrP never got anything wrong, he remembered everything I told him, he says there aren’t many like me and he has a total interest in me as a person and we have shared passions – let’s forget about all that. 🙁

    After I was dropped off by exbf, I met with friends and an old CD (by chance), a high profile guy who I met a year ago. That was nice.



  94.  #94Tam on November 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    I have a nice guy who can do relationship and is not really interested in my soul, but attracted to me, and wants to build a life with me, marry me also so I can stay here, and I might just go for it under the premise that the man I love (and who loves me) will never step up.
    I feel like a tragic heroine.
    He will never step up, he will never step up and if I want to stay here and not be alone, I will take the man who does step up and treat me like a queen.
    And I will just live with no real love, sould based.
    I have lost it and now I feel like nothing matters that much anymore.
    I feel that right now, I can do anything that furthers my life if I just forget about love.



  95.  #95Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    (((Miss Bells)))

    What is the incentive for him to let you go? Why would he do that?

    Men figure if you are still there it is because you want to be and if you didn’t want to be you would move on (according to Rori.)



  96.  #96Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    Thanks for the hugs Daria!!!



  97.  #97Scarlet on November 30, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    I’m feeling sad all over again. The realisation that he may never be able to get clean and step up for me and that right now he is not with me because he is using and he may be with his ex.

    I feel sick with grief.



  98.  #98Starbright on November 30, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    (((scarlet)))



  99.  #99Scarlet on November 30, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    How long do I have to be in pain for?



  100.  #100Daria on December 1, 2012 at 12:07 am

    I feel … Unheard and shaky rageful and numb over that and detached and having given up and resentful and ugh that’s just the way it is disappointed and wince



  101.  #101Daria on December 1, 2012 at 12:49 am

    I love my feelings.

    I ‘argued’ on Facebook. I can feel the push against intention I had.

    Interesting.

    How interesting that is .

    Wow.

    I feel… Angry.

    I feel angry.

    I feel unseen.

    What do I feel when someone dismisses me?

    Pist.

    Under that?

    Powerless?

    Sad?

    Scared?

    Hmm this is a trigger for me…



  102.  #102Smile on December 1, 2012 at 12:50 am

    Scarlet@35

    I felt really interested reading about your psychic reading. I would love to have this done. A friend of mine went to have it done. I fear fearful though incase it isn’t positive. Do you find comfort in what you were told?



  103.  #103Daria on December 1, 2012 at 12:51 am

    I argued on Facebook Adter I felt mad . And kinda got more into that energy. Hmmm

    I’d like to heal this

    Inside I feel desperation and nooooooo
    🙁

    Im not paid attention to. Not taken serious. Not important yet again.

    (((((((( Daria )))))))))



  104.  #104Smile on December 1, 2012 at 12:55 am

    98, ((scarlet))

    When I feel pain, I turn it into a good feeling. This really helped me to see it won’t last forever but that I will learn and grow from it. For me it comes and goes as much as I need to feel it. I split up with ex of 10 years about 4 years ago now. The other day I experienced intense pain wash through me, I sobbed and sobbed, I had no idea where it came from. I guess it will keep coming back for as long as I need to feel it. I did a lot of stuffing when we broke up.



  105.  #105Smile on December 1, 2012 at 12:56 am

    (((daria)))



  106.  #106Smile on December 1, 2012 at 12:57 am

    5. Feel your feelings. Don’t ignore or stuff them down. Let the tears flow and express your anger. Ignored emotions will only make you calloused and afraid. One way of unloading your feelings is to write out what might be too difficult to say out loud to others right now. Or better yet, start a dialogue with your broken heart, asking this part of you questions and giving it the solace and attention it needs right now.



  107.  #107Smile on December 1, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Tam 93, is that English cd.
    I believe feelings can grow for someone when not focussed on others, what do you think?



  108.  #108Smile on December 1, 2012 at 1:00 am

    Tam, the post that rori wrote about exs coming back in your life says about their message… Which maybe, you realise you don’t want them anymore.



  109.  #109Smile on December 1, 2012 at 1:08 am

    A guy I was talking to thursday emailed to ask to see me this weekend. He lives about an hour away. He has offered to come here. Seen as though he doesn’t know the area, I will suggest the place, I would feel more comfortable doing that…



  110.  #110Rori Raye on December 1, 2012 at 1:17 am

    Dee, This is done. Please get back online and keep Circular Dating. Love, Rori



  111.  #111Vi on December 1, 2012 at 1:24 am

    I got stood up by myself! Now my boy energy is making me tea, while baking a pie I wanted to try long ago and is about to wash my hair. He feels guilty his girl feels rejected and doing his best to make her feel more cheerful. Good boy… Thank you. Now I feel loved and cared for.



  112.  #112Smile on December 1, 2012 at 1:30 am

    Hi dee, much love.

    I wonder how this would look as a feeling message? Are you familiar with roris work on feeling messages? The blog feels a great place to practise for me.

    “He never called again. I left a message, saying I knew he had messed up, but it wasn’t the end of the world, and I had him pegged for a man of his word, and a good communicator, and now was the time to prove it. If he played his cards right, I might give him a chance to make it up to me, lol”



  113.  #113Scarlet on December 1, 2012 at 2:03 am

    Hi Smile
    Yes, I did take comfort in what the psychic was telling me. She spoke a lot about a new cycle beginning for me next year, after nine really tough years. And that was definitely comforting.

    I was scared about what she might say too. And to be honest I was hoping for something more positive regarding the man and myself. So I was disappointed about that, but at least she still saw the start of good things coming my way. I’ll take that!



  114.  #114Indigo on December 1, 2012 at 2:32 am

    Dee 50

    I hope you don’t mind me commenting on your situation, but a guy is not real until you have met him in person. I do not develop any expectation or opinion about a man whatsoever until I have actually met him, and these days I would wait many dates for him to show what kind of man he is before I get emotionally invested at all. Would you be able to consider letting this guy go?

    For future if I may, to avoid these kinds of situations, the feeling I got as I was reading your story was that you took far too much initiative and far too much upon yourself. For me, especially for a first date, I would prefer to let the guy make all the effort. Asking for directions and arranging a time at a guy’s convenience would not feel good or romantic to me at all for a first date.

    I hope this helps. Love and support to you xx



  115.  #115Heart on December 1, 2012 at 2:47 am

    I feel so strong on the inside…
    I feel like a juicy, sexy feeling creature…

    Enjoying reading Rori’s newsletter today…
    I been feeling good lately…

    1) I feel grateful for good food and good converstion
    2) I feel thankful for taxis…and the nourished cared for feeling I get when taking one….
    3) I feel thankful for Daria.



  116.  #116Sirenity on December 1, 2012 at 3:05 am

    Scarlet , while a man is addicted to a substance it will always come first in his life. Therefore you are in love with his potential, his potential to get clean and put you first.That is an imaginary relationship (by Rori’s definition). I feel bad for you being in so much grief over this.

    I am hoping that you will put YOU first and let go of the imaginary relationship . Feeling strong and deserving of a real loving relationship is the road to healing.



  117.  #117Sirenity on December 1, 2012 at 3:11 am

    I feel grateful for wonderful musical concert in historic house tonight.
    I feel grateful for my mother who came there with me.
    I feel grateful for wine and cheese and strawberries !



  118.  #118Sirenity on December 1, 2012 at 3:32 am

    Dee, my two cents worth (seeing as you asked).
    First date meets quite OFTEN dont happen, especially when you are meeting for the first time after email/phone contact.

    Two sirens here were stood up in the last few hours.

    This has happened several times to me. I dont know why people have this casual attitude but I think its part of the ‘endless options” mentality of cyber meetings. And maybe shyness or nerves? Then there are some who live happily ” dating’ online and getting ego strokes from meeting lots of people in virtual form and not actually wanting to move it to rela life , at all , EVER!

    Just accepting these facts about internet meetings will help you in future.

    The trick is to never build any expectations around a meeting. Assume a percentage wont show, a percentage will be nothing like they have represented themselves and yet some will be genuine and available and real.

    This means get really clear with details of first meets.Always ask for a confirmation call the day before , or that morning and if you dont get it, dont go. Stick to the plan yourself and try not to make it reliant on other people (like your sons bus). Have an alternate plan ready to date yourself if he doesnt confirm or doesnt show.



  119.  #119Sirenity on December 1, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Dee , just re-reading..perhaps i misunderstood this, but he was already waiting for you and you were the one who didnt get there on time? Yet you blamed him for ” messing up” I think I am misunderstanding this whole thing.



  120.  #120Janine on December 1, 2012 at 3:54 am

    I have been following Rori´s program for a couple of months now, and it is working perfectly! 🙂
    I went from having no dates AT ALL, to having accidentally double booked evenings… yeayy 😉

    However, I have one sticking point, that I hope one of you ladies can help me with. Or maybe Rori herself?!

    This has happened in one way or another a couple of times now. The guy initiates sex, quite early in the dating process (note here, we are NOT in a relationship). I give my speech about sex being meaningful, and emotional to me. I like sex, but I am only comfortable having it in a (sexually exclusive) relationship.
    So far so good. I am quite proud of myself for having made my point clear. The guy backs off, because he clearly isn´t ready for that. And I understand, and I am glad he does. Sometimes the guy says “I am not ready for that”, and this is fine with me. Because I know I will be fine either way. I will keep CDing 😉

    However, the date usually goes on a little bit longer after that, and then he tries the same move again.
    That feels icky. Because I feel unheard.
    So, what do I do then? Just repeat my message like a broken record? Repeating it a second time does not feel good, but I can get over that. However, when he tries a third time (on the same evening), that just makes me angry.
    I usually drop them from the CDing circle at this point, because I loose interest in them. Because after they said so clearly that they do not want to be exclusive an hour earlier, I think they just want to get laid, and did not change their opinion. Am I being assumptious???

    I guess I would like some feedback, if this is the right approach, or if I could handle situations like this better. Because I seem to be the only one having this problem??! At least I don´t read anything like it on the homepage here…?!



  121.  #121Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:05 am

    Hello Sirens, well after no contact from NiceGuyCD since Tuesday, it is now Saturday lunch time and I have received a message and need some help with an FM reply please.

    Hi B, Hope all is well, I won the case 🙂 x



  122.  #122Heart on December 1, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Smb- – how do u feel?



  123.  #123Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:08 am

    He was in court Monday and Tuesday, some kind of civil court case over a car accident.



  124.  #124Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:10 am

    #121 Heart

    I feel confused and a little of a bruised ego is coming into play lol, and I am meeting another CD at 7pm tonight and possibly another tomorrow afternoon though that one is not definite and I am not used to talking and dating all at the same time, I feel anxious.



  125.  #125Heart on December 1, 2012 at 4:11 am

    SMB – well are u happy he wrote?



  126.  #126Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:13 am

    My ego is!!!



  127.  #127Heart on December 1, 2012 at 4:20 am

    Well SMB…I would encourage you to write out your feelings and pick a postive & negative out of the list and tell him that…



  128.  #128Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Hi Dee, The way I see it all you have thus far with this man is words. There is no connection. For all you know he could be a married man.



  129.  #129Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 4:23 am

    SMB I would just send a smiley face



  130.  #130Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 4:25 am

    SMB I believe the bruised ego is a reflection of your investment and expectations. Your issues to work out. This man is a stranger with a message.



  131.  #131Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:25 am

    And I a bit pissed off TBH, like you think you can message me after 4 days like I don’t exist, at least this was my way of thinking pre Rori, which I am trying to get past………..



  132.  #132Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:27 am

    #129 FW

    Yes most likely the expectation that if a person “seems” to be into you then they keep the conversation flowing not just ignore you for days on end. I don’t feel I have anything invested except my pride.



  133.  #133Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 4:31 am

    What is pride? The man had issues to take care of, for all you he was thinking about you all this time. Don’t be the ball and chain demanding woman so early in the game who lets the man know he has to be strapped to her hip 24/7. He had a life before he met you. Live your life and let him live his.

    Look at the positive.



  134.  #134Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:51 am

    #132 FW

    Yes you are so right, but he *has* been on the dating site every day whilst no contact, of course so had I – but I was the one to send the last text message which never got answered……

    I don’t want to be the demanding woman but nor do I want to be picked up and dropped off like an old piece of clothing. I think I will just send the smiley face and take it from there, I feel now if I say anything it will be seen as he can treat me any way he wants and I want to get that clear from the beginning but as you say in a non-demanding manner.

    Thank you



  135.  #135Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 4:57 am

    I think it’s called boundaries, of which I have sometimes been sadly lacking……



  136.  #136Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 4:59 am

    When butt enhancement goes horribly wrong: Woman left with hideous bulge after implant ‘flips inside out’

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2239722/Video-butt-implant-surgery-goes-horribly-wrong.html#ixzz2Dnwq2fHw



  137.  #137Heart on December 1, 2012 at 4:59 am

    FW – sound reasoning ….awesome advice as always….I love reading your input.

    Still…I must disagree with you a little…
    SMB has a good opportunity to communicate her feelings anx help practice for her Mr.Right.

    She is not so emotionally invested and is probably the type of woman that needs consistent contact. Sending a smily is a lie…because the smiley denotes happiness but it’s so brief a communication that it comes across like she is angry at the same time…A happy woman…would congratulate him.

    The smiley to me shows that she’s angry but hiding it.



  138.  #138Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 5:03 am

    #136 Heart

    I haven’t sent anything yet, but I do see your point. Like when the man asks how you are and you say “I’m fine” when in fact you are not fine at all.

    I do need consistent contact, I am a Gemini and we thrive on communication. 🙂



  139.  #139Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Heart – Maybe it denotes happiness for you. It doesn’t for me. As I said I would send a smiley. I am not a liar and don’t like people insinuating that I am. I would send a smiley to show he is not important to me to affect my mood so much that it brings me down and even if I feel a twinge of something I don’t need to make him responsible for it. He would just be a blimp on my radar. I have moved on. SMB obviously have other guys interested in her who she can focus.



  140.  #140Heart on December 1, 2012 at 5:05 am

    #133 SMB – I would encourage you to Date Yourself More Often….it will help you to trust your boundaries more…
    So you become less and less afraid of a man treating you badly and will be less inclined to act out of that fear. You’ll start believing more and more that you have the strength to walk away from any bad treatment that might develop further down the road.



  141.  #141Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:07 am

    SMB I believe cdating is to help you get to know yourself. I also believe that you communicate needing consistent contact as the man move into courting you and towards commitment. How many times have you met this man?



  142.  #142Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Jeez….maybe I need to do some of these…. I just got so triggered by a photo my ex instagrammed of his new girl…. and i dont get why??? We broke up over a year ago.



  143.  #143Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Emoticon maybe you are judging yourself somewhere?



  144.  #144Heart on December 1, 2012 at 5:10 am

    FW – wow I feel a little taken aback by your response. I was not insinuating you were a liar at all!

    I meant it would be a lie for SMB since she said she was feeling angry.
    I know you don’t see Smileys as happiness…
    but can you accept that many if not most people on planet earth see it as that way?…It’s a symbol denoting a smile….



  145.  #145Heart on December 1, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Sending a smiley to show “he was not important enough to affect her mood”
    would be inauthentic for SMB…he did affect her mood.



  146.  #146Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:17 am

    SMB I believe we have learned that men are different. They don’t need constant contact like we do. I am thinking if you do agree to meet him again you could somehow let him know that you don’t take men seriously who don’t keep in touch regularly, After one date I don’t believe it is time to be tellimg a man what to do. A first date is for fun. Unless you have been on more than one date. In any event a date is just that, a date.



  147.  #147Heart on December 1, 2012 at 5:17 am

    #137 SMB – awww@gemini….Good that you know this 🙂 .



  148.  #148Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 5:19 am

    FW, i really don’t know.



  149.  #149Francesca on December 1, 2012 at 5:21 am

    This post is making me sad. 🙁



  150.  #150Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:21 am

    RE 138 “I would send a smiley to show he is not important to me to affect my mood”



  151.  #151Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 5:21 am

    I dont feel as triggered now. I guess it was the shock, of seeing it for the first time.



  152.  #152Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Still, i will engage in a bit of Ho’o Pono Pono



  153.  #153Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:23 am

    Emoticon I might look at what I think about the girl in light of what I think of me. Maybe she is thinner so you don’t think you are thin enough? Maybe her vibe is confident and relaxed and you think you are not confident enough?



  154.  #154Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:24 am

    (((((((((((Francesca)))))))))))))



  155.  #155MissStix on December 1, 2012 at 5:25 am

    SMB

    I am not you, so putting myself in that scenario I believe after 4 days I would feel irritated and my energy would have been turned away by then and turned away energy doesn’t produce FMs, for me. So I would probably say: “oh…That’s good!”

    And that’s about it.



  156.  #156Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Sorry for sparking off any ill feelings just I get confused with all this FM stuff.

    FW yes it has only been one date but he was MEGA into me then with the no contact after well it didn’t help as I started to wonder “what is wrong with me?”

    I am not angry Heart, was just a bit pissed off which in the UK perhaps has a different meaning to over there, it just means a bit peeved rather than downright angry.

    I haven’t sent anything still, well if he didn’t send a message for 4 days it can’t do any harm for me to reflect on this.



  157.  #157Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:29 am

    The what is wrong with me? is where I would focus my energy and reflect. This is his message.



  158.  #158Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 5:32 am

    What is wrong with me?

    Nothing, I am perfect in my imperfection. I treat other people how I expect myself to be treated. I practise a daily attitude of gratitude and perform random acts of kindness.

    There is nothing wrong with me, he may just be the wrong man.

    Thank you NiceGuy CD.



  159.  #159Francesca on December 1, 2012 at 5:32 am

    There are days where I feel tired of having all these feelings, I wish I could flick a switch and make them disappear.

    I’m tired of crying and feeling sad and confused, it’s exhausting.



  160.  #160Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:35 am

    SMB I also look at men’s actions as a indication of how into me they are. Not words. This I believe could help you look at yourself also. After one date and MEGA into me? hhhmmm What does that get you thinking, feeling, and expecting? that could affect your actions?

    These are the self reflections I find help me. Maybe his comment doesn’t even need a response as he was not asking any questions. Or was he?



  161.  #161MissStix on December 1, 2012 at 5:35 am

    SMB

    *Always* take exactly how much time you need to respond comfortably. If it’s 5 mins, great, if it’s an hour, great. If it’s a day, great. 🙂

    My measure is what I am doing and how I feel. If i’m doing the dishes and my text bleep goes off I keep washing till i’m done, dry my hands, read the msg, feel my feelings and respond when I feel ready. I have extended my response time when i’m feeling blue. I don’t text back till I feel ready to be authentic. (this is within relationship though, not just dating). I don’t believe I would tell a new CD every time I felt blue green or orange lol



  162.  #162Brenda on December 1, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Rori tried to use your advice of letting go my mind keeps roaming back to him



  163.  #163Heart on December 1, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Well SMB …that sounds like a good Fm…
    Feels good to hear from you and s little peeved you took a feew days to write (A roleplay close to this was in Modern Siren.) I’m a gemini. We thrive on commuication :p . Your thoughts?



  164.  #164Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:37 am

    What is wrong with me is also a regular self talk that my brain comes up with. My internal observer listens and pays attention. I catch it most of the times now so I don’t act out on it.



  165.  #165MissStix on December 1, 2012 at 5:39 am

    This has been great in driving situations. I no longer feel urgent to read it and pull over to respond. I don’t even read it till I get where i’m going. Unless i’m expected and i’m late. Then I might pull over and say “Driving, 10 mins!” or whatever.



  166.  #166Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Francesca I remember years ago I prayed for God to turn them off. I did not know what I was doing at the time but it seems I eventually raised a still wall around my heart. It is not the easiet thing to take down. Your feelings are just feelings, make them your friends. There is nothing to fear in them.



  167.  #167Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 5:46 am

    #159 FW

    Yes you are so right LOTS and LOTS of messages, even wrote me a love poem lol, messaged my sister on the dating site when I didn’t answer his phone call, then on the date he was super attentive, but like you said only words.

    And words from a man who could only talk the talk but took no action are what brought me to Rori Raye.

    So fear of going down that path again though of course this is a very different man but I do have that fear of having my heart broken again but I don’t want to spend my life on my own so I have to overcome this and start being more open and trusting, my gf and I had a convo about this no contact from him, as we females do, and she asked me if I was too “cool” on the date and I think I may have been as this is my usual MO so I don’t get caught like a deer in the headlights. Not sure if this is making any sense now I think I am riffing. 😀

    Miss Stix I get what you mean just answer with FM’s without spilling your guts. I wish they had the like button on here.

    I like what you said about drying your hands etc. as I am very much a NOW, NOW, NOW high energy person who can get high highs but of course low lows too……..



  168.  #168Rebecca on December 1, 2012 at 5:47 am

    FW – I feel scared reading this comment by you:

    “SMB I believe we have learned that men are different. They don’t need constant contact like we do.”

    It scares me, conjuring up images that men are completely alien to women and we need to “learn” how to “handle” them if we are to be successful in having a relationship.

    However, this may be true, as I haven’t worked out how to “do” relationships yet.

    I geel scared reading you comment though. Like I am trying to fall in love with a robotic man who always acts in a “pre-programed” way and NEVER ventures away from his “programing”.

    This feels scary, and rigid and horrible. It’s like someone saying “Things are the way they are because that’s the way they are, they will never change”.

    Feel all tight and rigid and stiff…



  169.  #169Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 5:50 am

    #161 Brenda

    You know CD’ing for real as in actual dates is the only way to get over someone. The man you are not over is not the only man in the world for you, though it might seem so now. What I used to keep saying to myself was “If he wanted to be with you, you would be together, he doesn’t want you, so let it go.” It’s not to say that you have to stop loving the man just accept he will always occupy a part of your heart, it’s just like Rori says you have to put him on the back of your horse and ride on…….



  170.  #170Indigo on December 1, 2012 at 5:53 am

    I have a combined birthday celebration night out with my two best girl friends tonight. I feel so excited and tingley. It’s been ages since we let loose together. One of my dates is coming with me, the one I’ve been on three dates with, who does everything right, pays for everything and makes me feel really comfortable and at ease. I just feel really relaxed around him, and I know it will be easy to have him around tonight, and that I will be able to kick back and have fun. That feels good 🙂

    Yet. I am the kind of person who cannot completely let go. My love doesn’t work that way, which is why I don’t love often. I still love my ex-husband whom I was married to for 5 years, I still carry him around with me in a little corner of my heart, even though I have more or less made peace with the fact that he is engaged to someone else. There is still a certain knowing in the way we talk to each other, on the odd occasion that we talk.

    With my ex whom I recently broke up with, my heart gave itself to him and to us being together forever a long time ago. Letting go, stepping back



  171.  #171Indigo on December 1, 2012 at 5:53 am

    I have a combined birthday celebration night out with my two best girl friends tonight. I feel so excited and tingley. It’s been ages since we let loose together. One of my dates is coming with me, the one I’ve been on three dates with, who does everything right, pays for everything and makes me feel really comfortable and at ease. I just feel really relaxed around him, and I know it will be easy to have him around tonight, and that I will be able to kick back and have fun. That feels good 🙂

    Yet. I am the kind of person who cannot completely let go. My love doesn’t work that way, which is why I don’t love often. I still love my ex-husband whom I was married to for 5 years, I still carry him around with me in a little corner of my heart, even though I have more or less made peace with the fact that he is engaged to someone else. There is still a certain knowing in the way we talk to each other, on the odd occasion that we talk.

    With my ex whom I recently broke up with, my heart gave itself to him and to us being together forever a long time ago. Letting go, stepping back



  172.  #172Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Wow Rebecca. ((((((((Rebecca))))))))))))



  173.  #173Indigo on December 1, 2012 at 5:59 am

    (eek, my computer sent it before I was finished)

    accepting that his behaviour was painful even, felt and in many ways still feels, like an impossible thing to do. My heart compelled me to try and change it, to *do* something.

    Well, I am not *doing* anything any more. I have let the reins go, I am living my life. The love stays though, and I can *feel* he’ll be back. I know he will. I feel afraid of how I will act when he does, because the love in my heart doesn’t go anywhere. It doesn’t diminish over time. *Sigh* I don’t have to have all the answers. I feel prepared to be surprised. I have faith that life will surprise me in the most beautiful way I can imagine.



  174.  #174Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 6:01 am

    FW to be honest it was just a picture of her face and I dont think she’s prettier than me. I doubt she’s thinner than me cuz I’m only 95 pounds. Im not sure in what way I compared the two of us.

    I really believe its the shock….combined with the fact that he is still sort of chasing me (but he’s under the impression that I have a boyfriend) LOL …… dishonest, i know.



  175.  #175Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Emoticon remember the principle of “girlfriend for now” until he finds the one?



  176.  #176Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 6:09 am

    What are the words and phrases men understand and use to get us attracted?



  177.  #177Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 6:09 am

    FW, im not familiar with that



  178.  #178Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Are you implying that she’s a girlfriend “for now” …. im not sure he goes into relationships waiting for it to end so he can find “the one” if thats what u mean



  179.  #179Starla on December 1, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Scarlet, thanks for sharing about the psychic!

    yay, hope! mine gave me hope too… very specific that i would meet a better man soon. But it didn’t make me feel a lot better. I just wanted the guy that drove me to visit a psychic to come back in the picture and fix everything.

    Girl, have faith in happiness and joy. Commit yourself to it, the way you commit yourself to exercise or studying for an exam. Things will start to shift. We’re doing this visualization/meditation stuff for the next month…. are you doing it too? I bet you’d end up loving it!



  180.  #180Starla on December 1, 2012 at 6:18 am

    i feel so excited

    my friend and i are going hiking at my favorite trail today!

    the universe loves me:)



  181.  #181Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 6:20 am

    I’ve seen some guys date girls for 3+ years, only to get engaged to the next one who comes along even though they’ve only been dating for 6 months.

    Often the next one who comes along is seen as less
    ‘suffocating’ due to less commitment pressure. Or it’s
    simply due to the fact that they are now ready for
    commitment when in the past they were not.

    Mirabelle Summers
    Author,
    MeetYourSweet.com



  182.  #182Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 6:20 am

    One of his team mates got shot yesterday. I wanted to text him and ask who it was. I sent the text to my fave CD instead…..

    Then i felt GUILT….



  183.  #183Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Oh thanx FW, makes sense…..



  184.  #184Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Never thought about it…..and still not sure what it means in this situation. I can probably see a woman behaving differently. With that particular ex, i would never imagine myself discussing marriage, not even as a joke, not even while we were still together.

    No mistake though, I loved him very much. The guy I dated immediately after we broke up (and only for a few months) got to meet my family…. something I would not have done with that ex. Now with one particular CD who I’m sort of more serious with, I could def imagine us being married. So I suppose I am similar to the men in that regard



  185.  #185Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Hmmm….. Feels so strange to me commenting on the blog LOL….. I wanna drop by more often moving forward.

    I feel scared to use actual CD names here as opposed to the FB group, which is totally hidden. I feel fear that someone will come across this blog and figure me out…and then READ ALL MY BUSINESS…. 🙁



  186.  #186Starla on December 1, 2012 at 6:39 am

    i feel scared to jinx things but I have met someone.

    Actually I’ve known him for a long time; he works in my office building.

    i feel butterflies and rainbows when I talk to him.



  187.  #187Starla on December 1, 2012 at 6:41 am

    Emoticon, I feel scared of that too. I totally understand!



  188.  #188Heart on December 1, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Thats great Starla….



  189.  #189Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 6:51 am

    #185 Starla

    Oooohhhhhhhhh 😀

    <3



  190.  #190Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 6:55 am

    RE 185 Lovely



  191.  #191Mercedes on December 1, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Dee: I’m with Rori…this is over. You can’t “do” anything to make a man treat you with respect and love. He either will or he won’t and there’s no real trick to make him do things he doesn’t want to do. Now is the time to take care of yourself…focus on the inside so when the next man shows up, you will be ready.

    Don’t ask “why” this happened, don’t analyze the ‘connection’ you had (he doesn’t feel a connection or he would be treating you like a lovely person in his life right now)…there is no answer to ‘what happened’ that will make you happy.

    Circular Date and care for yourself. Someone who wants to treat you well will show up….and you won’t have to ‘do’ anything to make that happen.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  192.  #192Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Starla ditto. The internet is tricky…. its just all out there for everyone to see.



  193.  #193Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Gay and Katie Hendricks tell each other “I love the music of your voice”



  194.  #194Mercedes on December 1, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Posted a picture of our wonderful candlelit night. Really, really disappointed with the quality but still feeling lovely with the memory. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  195.  #195Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 8:26 am

    So I managed to get out of the movie part of my date last night. Glad I did. The dinner portion of the date wasn’t bad, slightly awkward but only slightly. I could tell he was nervous. Not at all what i pictured from reading his profile. He was a gentleman. He paid for the date and even offered to pay for my valet. Valet ended up being by donation….and he donated for me. I didn’t practice any feeling messages. :-(. Not really sure I want to attract him further. I experienced him as immature although he is only 1-2 years younger than me. Just not “manly” to me.



  196.  #196Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 8:55 am

    Even if I had the money, I don’t think I could be qualified to be a Rori coach. I am the manliest woman out there. Men stop dating me, because they realize on date 2 that I am just “one of them.” In fact, I have spent my LIFE actually TRYING to be one of “them.” Because I thought being a woman was stupid.

    Now I am trying working so much to undo it all, and to find my femininity. But in the background, there is still this feeling that being a “woman” is stupid and weak, and that being “a woman” also means to be inherently controlling.

    So, either I am a man, or I am a dominating control freak.

    I can’t win :`(



  197.  #197Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Tereana,

    Not to speak for Rori, but Rori grew and learned from her “mistakes” and experiences and is now teaching us all. She’s relatable because she didn’t start out “perfect.” For me it is easier to listen to someone who has had some struggles.



  198.  #198Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Actually, I feel more scared of posting on FB. Even though I know the group is hidden, I still feel like the settings or something on FB could change and any moment, and it could all become public, or that someone, somewhere could find it, if they knew how. At least this way, I *know* it’s public, and I can use fake names for anonymity ; ) lol

    What is the mediation/visualization that everyone is doing?

    I feel curious…



  199.  #199Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 9:23 am

    You could be a fantastic coach



  200.  #200Daria on December 1, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Tereana – haha sounds like my life story! Except I don’t have the control freak one – tho I start acting like one. And my CD just did and so I probably do. Thanks for pointing that out.

    I’m doing good tho! Cd was accepting me all thru it the other nite.

    Babysteps!

    High 5 ! it feels good to read so many words that could be mine.



  201.  #201Daria on December 1, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Goddess Lily – I felt concerned reading ‘not really sure I want to attract him further’

    Attraction as I understand is in our Vibe, so not attracting him further means shutting down and not attracting others either.

    For me I want to be my attractivest vibe all the time, and that gives me a good loved feeling, even w women and children that I obviously don’t want to be sexual with.

    It sounds like something to explore is your fear of what wd happen if ‘I attract him further’… And how you’d handle that.



  202.  #202Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 9:36 am

    #197 Tereana

    I made a fake profile to join the FB group. But I have my real photo’s up, it’s nice to connect with the other Sirens, plus there is usually somebody online when you need to ask a question and because everybody starts different threads it is a lot clearer who is talking about what………..



  203.  #203Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 9:42 am

    GL – THanks : )

    I guess that’s true. I just don’t feel that I am really “there” yet…still working on it : /



  204.  #204Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Haha – DAria, I’m glad that spoke to you!



  205.  #205Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Daria,

    I see what you are saying and I didn’t think of it that way. I was thinking if I know using the tools reels men in and I’m not sure whether I’m feeling this guy, I don’t know whether I want to waste either of our time. But if as you say, doing that would possibly close me off from others too, than I need to reevaluate.



  206.  #206Tam on December 1, 2012 at 9:47 am

    I don’t want to pine.
    I don’t want longing.

    Meeting the ex made it worse. Urgh, he is so attracted to me and just doesn’t know me at all and makes up all these stories, like that we have all these common interests…and then he asks me AGAIN to come and spend the weekend with him sitting in the house and watching his son play computer games 24/7 (which is what drove me mad in the first place)….and I just said nothing and he looked at me sad and said ‘oh, I know…ok, I understand’.

    And then he came up again with the boating on Sunday and I felt happy that he knew what makes me happy..well.

    I can’t help but hark back to MrP and to what our weekend would have looked like … and how we don’t even need to talk about what we want to do, we just do it because we like exactly the same stuff and are totally comfy in each other’s company, there is no ‘would you rathert do this’ or ‘oh noo, I hate that’..there is just a flow. Oh God, I need to stop. Stop, stop, stop.
    STOP.
    He doesn’t exist.
    He might as well be dead to me.
    STOP.



  207.  #207Daria on December 1, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Rebecca – haha it is kinda that way, but instead of scared I feel smily loving and excited, because this makes it able to me to do the relationship dance, and know my partner will fall into his steps automatically



  208.  #208Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 10:03 am

    I just did a little meditation, and at the end of the meditation, I remembered a vivid dream that I had, many years ago. I was still living in Cambridge at the time, so this was probably in 2004 or 2005.

    I dreamed that there was an angel, wearing white, I believe, and it was a man. It was someone familiar to me that I loved. And with my permission, I allowed him to kill me. It was rather tender and gentle, and it wasn’t painful at all. He held me and looked into my eyes as I felt him slide the knife into my back, under my left shoulder blade. I felt myself die (I know you are not supposed to do that in dreams, but in this one, I did – I died, but I remained conscious). And after I died, or at the same time, the sky became filled with books. Books seemed to flow from the wound, and filled the sky like clouds. They were grey like clouds. But they were books.

    A dream that I have like that is so vivid is always something that I take very seriously. And the interpretation of it is clear, or at least to me. I don’t know who the angel was. This was, I think, right before I met my fiance. But the angel could have been anyone.

    I guess the point is that I can ALLOW my heart to be broken. I can allow myself to “die” – to be stabbed through the chest, into my heart. And that allows the books to flow – all the writing that I want to do.

    Maybe that is right now. Maybe the angel is not one man. It is many. A composite of men who do me a great service, which, though in real life is painful, is actually at my request. I’ve “Hired” them to “kill” me – to open me up. To free my soul from its confines so that I can express what I need to express and to have it be out in the world.

    Because I can’t do it until I can feel my heart first.

    And it is going to happen. I submitted my proposal on Monday for a memoir. And it is a memoir of all the emotional turbulence I felt after I broke up with my fiance, and how I got myself out of that – with much difficulty, and a little help. There is other stuff in there, too. A lot of other stuff. But the core of it is about relationship, brokenness and healing.

    If the book gets published, I hope that you will all be inspired to read my story!



  209.  #209Daria on December 1, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Thanks Smile

    ((((((((Smile))))))))



  210.  #210Tam on December 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Just spoke with my best friend back home…of course she wants to know all the news so although I feel exasperated and talking about it all just focuses on it,
    I told her everything.
    So she says: ‘well done for clubbing him over the head with some authenticity and telling him that you are not accepting that behaviour. he needs that. he’ll be back for more. he is always back. He won’t change, too much going on there, but he needed to know that you are not making allowances anymore because his issues and his behaviours aren’t always excusable. Well done, well done….and no, he definitely won’t ‘change’ but he could adapt and he could (if he had the capacity) develop an understanding of how you feel when certain things go on….and he could help you and him to actually get to a better place. You’ve done your job’.

    Aw, that was nice to hear…and it kept me on my horse also. I know deep down that I did the right thing by pushing it all away…but it is nice to hear that.
    She also said that if I work things out with ex (if ever), I could keep MrP as an activity partner or an affair or whatever I wanted, since this is my life and I can do what I want. And I might find that one man is just not enough with me, and I might need one for the heart and one for the soul. OMG. That from a conservative person…hehe…but I had wondered about that myself. I feel embarrassed to admit it.
    But there it is.



  211.  #211Tam on December 1, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Going to the Casino tonight, first time, with I shall call him TaurusCD….knowing my track record with Tauruses this will be interesting and we actually agreed not to date and just do things as friends (he is too old and set in his ways for me)….but I am starting to think he wants more…anyway, no worries.

    I have never been gambling, so that should be interesting and the place is in this huge outdoor complex with live bands and bars and eateries…..very very exciting. Can’t wait!



  212.  #212Starbright on December 1, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Wow tam where are you finding your cd’s?

    You go girl!



  213.  #213Tam on December 1, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Oh and the old/new CD I met again by chance yesterday is an amazing guy, surgeon and scientist and has a great sense of humour, intellect and a boat.
    And he is still single.
    And he is also too old for me but he is amazing in so many ways…I feel better quality men around me even though they are somewhat recycled, some of them seem to have undergone a little transformation in their lives that makes them a bit more interesting…and so have I….and I am going to appreciate it for what it is right now!



  214.  #214Scarlet on December 1, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Scarlet, he does not want you in his life. He would rather be doing something or someone else – not you. He is in a dark place and you are being protected by him not being more involved with you. He has lost his job, he has a drug addiction, he has a manipulating and controlling ex, a controlling family, he lives with his parents, he is in debt up to his eyeballs, he is a liar, he makes promises he has no intention of keeping, he is weak, he doesn’t care enough about you to want to know what’s going on in your life, He doesn’t want you.

    That is what you are pining for.



  215.  #215Tam on December 1, 2012 at 11:06 am

    211 Starbright, this is a small place and I bump into the same people time and time again, or they just call out of the blue….all my recent CD’s did not come from internet dating and I have to say, they are kind of a different type of man. More mature, settled, happy in themselves (not constantly on the search) and not pushy for instant relationships.
    My ex has been on my case so much, that is also turning me off. I asked him to give me time and the first thing he wanted to do is spend the nigth with me….and this is exactly what I don’t want, I want to see if there is anything other than sex and chamicals in it…he doesn’t understand that at all. We shall see.



  216.  #216Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 11:06 am

    I want to jump from my horse 🙁



  217.  #217Tam on December 1, 2012 at 11:07 am

    ((((Scarlet))))



  218.  #218Starbright on December 1, 2012 at 11:30 am

    ((((((((((Scarlet))))))))))



  219.  #219Janie Baby on December 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

    (((Scarlet)))

    Tereana—loved your description of the dream!! I love to create music and the best ones come when I’m heartbroken, so maybe it is a gift.



  220.  #220Starbright on December 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Tam,

    Sounds interesting. And, that you are really moving forward in the midst of everything still looking around you and dating. Yeah you!!!

    I on the other hand am feeling a bit of hormone piney feelings. Probably also the let down of the end of my nanowrimo month of writing.

    And, where are all the men and my fun self? I’m going to go to a party though to celebrate the end of nanowrimo month. But, it was fun when my used to be guy was stepping up and constantly wanting to be with me. On, to other things and other men!



  221.  #221Starbright on December 1, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Tereana,

    Wishing you the best with your memoir! And, your dream description was incredible!



  222.  #222Lady K on December 1, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I just went from feeling so happy to feeling so upset. Jay and some friends came over and we ended up having a party at my house. Well all night it felt perfect. Jay and i were laughing together making jokes together and he kept telling everyone that i was his girl. He stayed the night with me and we fell asleep in eachothers arms. We didn’t have sex because i feel uncomfortable having sex when I’m not in a relationship. We have been spending a lot of time together lately.. i felt like things were going good. Until this morning when he left he didn’t kiss me or even hug me goodbye. He just said he’d probably see me in a few and left.. Now i feel doubtful and i kinda feel like crying. I feel curious as to if he even noticed.. and if he did. Why he did it.



  223.  #223Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    A CD just told me he has been stalking my twitter. Mind you, he has no twitter. Asked me if I was talking about him in certain tweets about “a guy” …. like seriously i feel violated, why go out of ur way and SPY…. i dont get it.

    Now he’s vowing to never do it again, but i feel very distrustful right now.



  224.  #224Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    SMDH…… i feel angry. I was literally shaking with anger on the phone.

    Here I am talking about feeling scared that guys will come across the blog…. Im setting myself up for it on social networks



  225.  #225Emoticon on December 1, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    And to go on it constantly….. ugh!!



  226.  #226Tam on December 1, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Starbright, today my phone was buzzing. I practically had every single man from the last two months message/call me. Except, of course, the one I am hung up on.
    I can’t say that I am over that, by far.
    But I am doing the best I can for me. And that’s all I can do.
    I still feel crushed and piney and sad and this is probably hanging about for a bit.
    But, I have decided that life is now and I am not going to spend another day crying over a guy who can’t/won’t/isn’t interested in me enough to jump over his fears and issues and come one inch towards me. My patience ran out. And I was fed up getting a bashing everytime we got close.
    Feck staying open and warm and having your heart stabbed repeatedly – there really is no point for further lessons, I have learnt it now.
    It’s as simple as that.



  227.  #227Tam on December 1, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    My ex said ‘it’s not easy to find what we had’
    Eh?
    We had great sex, that’s it. Nothing much else.
    He doesn’t even know me. If you asked him one question, like ‘what is her favourite food/movie/pastime – he wouldn’t remember or confuse it with another woman he met.

    He sees this completely differently…I am wondering whether I am to him, what MrP is to me.
    Am I his female crack-fix?

    And MrP comes back to me for comfort and loyalty and love…much like what I used to be with my ex for – but doesn’t step up because I just don’t do it for him. Much like my Ex just doesn’t do it for me right now, and never did, hence I kept running.
    Hm. Very interesting.



  228.  #228Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Tam…sounds like your ex thinks that you did have something (even if you didn’t think so). Why are you doubting him? Why are you assuming that you are a “crack-fix”? sounds like you are reading into him, but haven’t we been told over and over that this is waste of time? Guys way what they mean. Why would he lie?

    I’m not saying to get into it with him. He’s your ex. Maybe for a reason. But you yourself observed that he has changed and grown. Maybe keep your heart and mind open. This sounds interesting to me – like there is some substance there. It is about more than a “fix.”

    With MrP there is NO SUBSTANCE at all. I can feel that, even from here. Please, please, please, please do not pine for that man…please. I mean you can if you want. But seems to me it will only hurt you…. : /



  229.  #229Tam on December 1, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Tereana…hmm….not much substance with the ex really, I mean I was there in the relationship, which is why I had to leave in the first place.
    I am not saying there is more substance with MrP.
    But if I make just wanting a man ‘who wants me badly’ my only criteria of selection, that would feel bad for me.
    My ex is also not always honest and that for me is a big deal.



  230.  #230Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Guys *say* what they mean…

    ~~~

    As for me, I feel like I have a lot of clarity that I need right now.

    Maybe SYG was the angel, unwittingly. (he was wearing white when I saw him. Ha!)

    I don’t know, but my heart does feel more open now than it did before…

    Except I do feel closed, still, to relationship. At times, I wonder – am I pushing away a good man who could love me (again)? Am I refusing help and love when I need it most, just because I think I want to do it “on my own”? But at the same time, it feels like honoring myself and where I am. Honoring my feelings, and my “timeline,” and not letting other people push me along, further or faster than I am ready to do.

    I’ve spent my life basically doing that – letting other people decide what is best for me, and going along with their plans. Surrendering to their authority, believing (or being told that) mine was inferior.

    And I still doubt myself.

    But I trust, too, that I “can’t do or say the wrong thing with the right man.” If this man whom I have put off is still a good man for me, then he is not going anywhere. And neither am I. I am just taking my time, and letting things as they need to, and as I feel comfortable with them happening.

    Part of me has a feeling and a knowledge that until I write this book, I will not be totally complete. Do I have to wait until then to meet someone who I can spend time with and enjoy my life?? It could be as much as a year and half or two years until then. Will I be able to put off a relationship that long? Do I want to?

    I don’t know. I know that I don’t want to be alone. But I know that part of this journey is a solitary one. At the end of it, though, if I do this, I may be able to truly accept love, because I will be able to be more fully myself, and “out” to the world (as me).



  231.  #231Tam on December 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Ex can be a CD like everybody else, but I guess he will fade pretty quickly if he doesn’t get the physical side of this, since he already said he is looking ‘for somebody’ to wake up and sleep with.
    I am not somebody, I am Tam. And if I don’t have the feeling someone likes me for me, well, that doesn’t inspire me.
    Besides, he is somewhat a man boy also and told me all about going with his buddies to strip clubs, buying toys for himself (that we could not even use together) and all that kind of stuff…was a turn off at the time, and still is.
    MrP and I, as little time as we spent together, spent more quality time than I ever did with my ex, it was mostly between the sheets time and me trying to escape from his family and house dynamics.
    So a CD and nothing else. I know he would do anything for me in material ways, well anyway.
    We did have some authentic talking time and we may get somewhere, we may not.
    MrP has been kicked out of my CD rotation in any case. He’s gone.



  232.  #232Tam on December 1, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    ‘toys’ I mean men toys, bikes etc – not ‘those’ kinds of toys..hehe.



  233.  #233Tam on December 1, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    In my experience, guys do not say what they mean.
    But they do act on how they feel.
    I have heard guys say so many things that later turned out lies, or that they would overthrow a day later. I have heard men say ‘I love you’ before they probably even knew my surname, so no. They say what they want at the time and sometimes they say something just to get sex.
    But I believe in actions.



  234.  #234Dominique on December 1, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Tam – Actually they do usually say exactly what they mean – IN THE MOMENT. And this may change in the next, not so unlike we women really.

    Men do not manipulate for the most part, and unless they are players, will not say whatever, anything to get you to have sex with them.

    xxoo



  235.  #235Tam on December 1, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Dominique…I don’t know, and I am sure you are right for the most part, but I don’t know how one man can one day be 49 and the next day 42 years old or be a non-smoker and when you know them longer, admit ther have been smoking for 20 years. Or say one day ‘will you marry me’ and the next day that they would prefer to be fwb….maybe only I have had these strange things happen to me.
    Exbf said the other day that he was dating someone just like me. Turned out that was bollocks.
    If you mean, say how they feel or what they think about you…maybe…but even then I heard all sorts of things that were even one day later seemingly redundant…so, I guess my experience has just been different. And that was just with quite normal and pleasant men…didn’t consider them players.
    So…I don’t know what/whom to believe anymore.
    Perhaps I am a feeling a little jaded…



  236.  #236Tam on December 1, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I do believe more in actions than in words, I must admit.



  237.  #237Tam on December 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    …and I do trust on the outset, but once I ‘discovered’ a few untruths or too many changes in the story over time, the less inclined I am to take someone seriously and that is just human nature, I suppose.



  238.  #238Dominique on December 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Tam – What you are describing sounds like a man with “issues”.

    Certainly the actions speak the loudest. You’ve probably seen me write about this before yet in the reverse, when a man doesn’t speak the words, “I love you” for example, yet his actions scream it from the rooftops.

    I think the greater clarity you gain within yourself, the more consistent will the men be who show up for you.

    I see you at a big crossroad with this right now. Your changes recently are quite remarkable. It may not feel like this to you, but what’s happening is all of this stuff, your old stuff is coming up to be discarded or rewired, thus all the questioning the last few days/weeks.

    Things will be shifting big time.

    xxoo

    xxoo



  239.  #239Sirenity on December 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Hi SMB ,

    Interesting ..4 days then contact is great if you are looking for a man who is normal (imho).

    Men DONT want us to get hooked too soon ,they truly understand women are prone to making instant relationships and imaginary ones and al kind of castles in the air.

    They also compartmentalise . Court is court..stressful. nothing else enters their mind especially if it has to be handled with a kid glove , maybe even more so if shes really quite special!

    I dont want to make excuses for him but I hate to see him being written off because he didnt call for 4 days . i dont believe demanding egocentric ‘rules” serve us women at all. The issue is only an issue IF WE CONSTRUCT a false reality around a great date.

    Stay open, smile if you feel like smiling at him!

    I had one like this suddenly quiet on email /phone and i leaned forward a smidgen with an email (we havent met) and contact started flowing again. I want to meet this guy. His voice is earth shatteringly sexy (and I am so aural..sing classical and all that). I will have to really be careful i dont get “hopeful” over him any more than the boring old F…..Ts I have been meeting lately!



  240.  #240Tam on December 1, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Thanks Dominique…I hope so.
    The men with issues….maybe I ONLY meet men with issues..they all seem to have big isues regarding age, ex-wives etc etc. But in general I see them as good men.
    So maybe I have been too forgiving, ha!
    But hmmmm.
    Well, I distinctly also remember MrP saying to me that once he sleeps with a girl, he would consider her his gf. No exclusivity talk needed. That was, ironically, when we had just met and we had just had sex and I was trying to get rid of him as I was not really interested. And then he said that. Wham. I replied that I would need to see where things were going and so on.
    Well, he changed his tune also in the two years, because he certainly proclaimed himself single during all that time.
    I have heard plenty of those kinds of statements during the years, therefore when I hear them now I do not take them too seriously anymore.
    And yes, men who don’t say ‘I love you’ and show it with actions…if we as women are just a little bit more flexible, the good stuff does show up, even if it is just in a fixed up house, car or whatever.
    That’s the one thing I have no problems with….ha!! 😉
    I don’t need to be told that someone loves me when I can feel it. And this is the Ex who told me constantly and I just never felt it, sadly.



  241.  #241Tam on December 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    I am not at all open for a relationship right now.
    I jumped into my ex’ arms last year because I was escaping from MrP, as he supposedly said all the right things and did all the right things….first. And it was the worst thing I could have done. So now I am treading very lightly, because I learnt from that episode. No more rebounding.
    Some people get over someone by getting under somebody new, I am not one of them….and I have plenty of CD’s to show me a nice time.
    That feels good right now.



  242.  #242Tam on December 1, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I know MrP is somewhat the villain in my story, but in actual fact I am not proud of some of the stuff I did to him also. He always tentatively in his way tried to promote us to couple status by doing subtle things and going as a couple with friends that were also couples etc…and lots of other little ways. It was never enough for me and I pushed him away usually straight away when something happened that displeased me in any way. I even once blurted out to one of his friends, when he had really upset me, ‘him? no, he is not my bf and never will be’. Ouch.
    I was quite a witch to him at times due to my own insecurities, so who am I to talk.
    I feel happy to be aware of all this now, and have a lot of insight into my own actions. And where we are now and where I am now, it doesn’t surprise me to be honest. 50% of the mess has been growing in my back garden.
    I accept that. And I move on despite accepting that, as that can’t be fixed as it is in the past.



  243.  #243Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I recently informed my work “dad” that I still love my work ex. He asked how I expect to find the right guy if I still love my ex. That doesn’t make me feel hopeful. How am I supposed to just stop loving my ex?



  244.  #244Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Ha thanks Sirenity more to process!!

    OK had date tonight with BurmaCD I will call him as that’s where he was born. Nice enough guy, very polite, just as tall as he said which is always a nice bonus, 6 foot, well dressed.

    I did the Rori Raye way and my God it was hard to not keep the conversation flowing, some really uncomfortable silences and it was hard for me not to jump in and fill the silent gaps. But I did it, I don’t feel I used enough FM’s but I did lean back with open palms, unzippered my heart, listened at level 2 so that’s progress indeed.

    We met at 7pm I had a glass of red wine and a Coke and by 8.50pm we were both sitting there with empty glasses, I am not sure if he was waiting for me to buy the next round but I didn’t. He had mentioned food last night but made no move to suggest anything so at 9pm I said I am going to get off now as I am really tired. We had a hug and a kiss on the cheek and I thanked him for a nice evening………



  245.  #245Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    He also said “if you love him and he loves you, what’s the problem?”

    I said “you tell me, you’re a man, you’re supposed to understand him”



  246.  #246Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    #242 Goddess Lily

    You don’t have to stop loving anybody, as I said to Brenda earlier they will always occupy a place in your heart…….and that’s OK, no closure, no pining, it just isn’t meant to be, so put him on the back of your horse and pick up the reins and ride off into the sunset.



  247.  #247Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    SMB,

    How do you feel about this BurmaCD? Do you feel good about doing things the “Rori way”? I feel curious about how you feel about your experience. Did you like the outcome even though it was uncomfortable at times?



  248.  #248Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    OK here is today’s conversation by text with NiceGuy CD and I have no idea of where to go with this but I am very open to suggestions:

    NG – Hey B, hope all is well I won the case.

    Me – I feel surprised to hear from you. Good news on the court case I feel happy to hear that you won. 🙂

    NG – Yeah it’s been a stressful week but got there in the end could have turned very expensive x how’s your week been? x

    Me – I’m feeling great listening to Christmas music, just finished putting my decs up and with the new kitchen installed this week I feel very excited with my lovely new look flat. 🙂 x

    NG – When are you going to invite me around to show me 🙂 x

    (4 hours later when I hadn’t replied because I couldn’t think of a suitable FM and I was on a date)

    NG- Hey B, sorry if my last text seemed a bit too forward, did not mean it to sound that way 🙂 how’s your evening? x

    And now I still don’t know what to reply…………sigh is it this hard for everybody to take on board the RR way or just me?

    I do get lots of things but the FM’s always sound so unauthentic to me…………but if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again………



  249.  #249Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    SMB,

    I want to put him on the back of my horse but working together makes that difficult. Living so close together in the city doesn’t help either. I just keep having this thought that he’s suddenly gonna meet the one and I’ll still be pining.



  250.  #250Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    #246 Goddess Lily

    I find it very hard as I am a very talkative person normally and fill in the gaps in any conversation with EVERYBODY!!

    BurmaCD was very nice, no zings or butterflies but pleasant enough, very polite and cares about his family a lot which was very refreshing to hear. We talked about Christmas and stuff and it was nice to hear from a man who had close family ties and understood the importance of family.



  251.  #251Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    SMB,

    I think you were doing well with the FMs. Can’t remember, have you met NG yet? Any history? Do you want him to see your place?



  252.  #252Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    #248 GL

    That must be sooo hard when you work together I know Butterfly Wings has the same dynamic, I suppose that’s why they say it’s best not to get involved with work colleagues and some companies actually ban it. Is it possible to look for another job or do you like your daily fix?



  253.  #253Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    SMB,

    We are actually both looking for new jobs but that’s because we hate our jobs. Not having any luck. And there’s actually 3000 people in our building so we don’t see each other often, it’s just knowing that we could at any point. And certainly if he comes to visit. Plus his mother works there too and sits very close to me so even if he was only coming to see her, we could end up running into each other.



  254.  #254Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    BurmaCD told me something tonight which filled me with such admiration for the kind of person he must be.

    When he was just 21 he was living with his partner when his brother and wife were killed in a car accident leaving behind 2 young babies, 1 of 2 years old and the other was 9 months old and he and his partner brought them up together until they split after 10 years and he moved in with his mum taking the girls with him and continued to bring them up as his own children. Now they are in their 30’s and married and have children of their own, I thought that was just lovely and told him so with an FM.



  255.  #255Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    #250 GL

    I have only had 1 date with this man, and coming to my place would be not until we knew each other a lot
    better.



  256.  #256Heart on December 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    laaaa laaaa laaaa la la la la

    hello



  257.  #257Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Hello, lol



  258.  #258Vi on December 1, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Oops.. I’m expressing my discomfort with expectation he must do smth about it. I literally feel my vibe decreasing. I feel close to neediness and dependance. Hehe YAy for noticing! Expectations feel like like I feel clogged. Expressing for the sake of expressing would feel like total relaxation and lightweight feeling. I feel a safe place!



  259.  #259Heart on December 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    hello Goddess lily



  260.  #260Rori Raye on December 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Janine – You’re doing BRILLIANTLY! YES – it’s a “Broken Record.” In fact, that’s the name of the technique in old-fashioned, old-as-the-hills Assertiveness Training. How about YOU write up a speech for that, and work it out with us here? It can go like: “Wow, you cute boy, you, I feel so great and desirable with all this sex talk and kissing – and I’m still exactly where I was, I need sexual exclusivity, and you don’t – so we’re not on the same page about this at all, and I so appreciate your honesty about this, and I’d feel best going home now (or if we could end this date now…or…)”

    Love, Rori



  261.  #261Vi on December 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Weeee I got this feather weight feeling!! Omg this is so goood



  262.  #262Vi on December 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    It feels exciting to hold onto my truth rather than my defences! It feels so awesome!!



  263.  #263Annie on December 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Tam I feel a bad vibe, something feels off to me. I am not able to put my finger on it but it justs feels off.

    It feels really bizzare that a man would say he can’t trust you when he has no claim on you as you are not in an exclusive committed relationship with him and walk off and say you can’t be freinds etc.
    Then some days later sleep with you and say you should sleep with other men to relax you.
    An alarm bell is going off for me. X Hugs and love.



  264.  #264Iamabutterfly on December 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    taking a break from work…

    I keep worrying about Jack CD. I just want to put him in a box and forget about him, but it’s like as soon as I do that, he pushes all my buttons, and I have no idea what he wants from me, what he wanted from me, or if he was just playing with me like a toy, and that feels awful. and it feels awful that it only really bothers me when I’m not around him.

    it’s like this obsession/torture thing. I feel addicted. Only seeing him every now and again and never knowing exactly when, or what he’s going to do or say or what he thinks of me and all my odd reactions to his strong flirtations, sometimes sweet actions, sometimes ignoring, sometimes feels like friends…

    I don’t know what to do with him!

    and I feel so embarassed that I don’t know how to take him and that I can’t just let it roll off my back.

    I feel like he zoned in on me sooooo acutely, and then backed off majorly, and then just kind of toyed, and then just kind of nothinged, and I don’t understand and it makes me feel lousy.

    and I wish I hadn’t made myself vulnerable to him!

    I know my behavior is really confusing, but his is too!

    I feel led on, toyed with, and ignored.

    and I feel really embarassed and sad and don’t even know why I’m thinking about it…



  265.  #265Iamabutterfly on December 1, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    I feel so angry that he is so sweet to me sometimes and then flirty-teasy, and then just friendly, and then ignores me, and then smothers me with attention.

    Holy crap, I feel like I’m being pickup artist played and it feels soooooooooooo bad.

    I feel so tight in my chest and achy in my back and soooooooo angry and confused.

    and mostly angry that I’m even thinking about it!

    I don’t know what to do!

    I know Rori has some techniques for not obsessing over guys in Modern Siren…

    Get busy doing something I love…

    I’m busy doing something I HAVE to do, (tedius task, skipping a group thing he usually goes to do this tedius task on a Saturday night), and all of the sudden these thoughts and feelings just assault me!

    I feel like I’ve taken our entire whatever-the-stink-the-kind-relationship-is waaaaaaaay too seriously.

    and i feel really embarassed about that.
    and I feel disrespected
    and I hate that this couldn’t have been just this light-hearted, fun, flirtatious thing.

    when did it stop being that?

    it stopped being that when he comforted me when I was going through a hard time.

    it stopped being that when he listened and asked questions, trying to figure my dating (or non-dating patterns, as the case may be) on multiple occasions.
    it stopped being that when HE made HIMSELF really vulnerable with ME, with things he shared with me.
    It stopped being that when I felt HIM CHOOSE ME when another girl I know he thinks is cute was flirting like crazy with him. He didn’t respond to her at all, and I know he normally would have…
    It stopped being that when he shared his hopes and dreams with me.

    So why did the stopping…just stop?
    Why did he start talking to a girl in another state?
    Why did he suddenly turn into that flirtatious guy again, trying to keep me guessing again?
    Is it him or me?
    I know a lot of it is me….
    But I think a lot of it is him too….
    I think he’s scared of commitment…
    I’m scared of commitment…
    So where does that leave the imaginary us?
    I think he’s just really immature…
    But he like opened me up, embarrassed me, made me think and feel things…
    I don’t know how to let go
    And get my self-esteem back up…
    Or know what to do with him…
    Whenever I try to drop him…
    …he shows up…
    …soooo addicting…
    …is that his plan…?
    ….and he hasn’t opened up with me in a really long time….
    …he’s got long-distance girl now for that…
    …I feel angry and embarrassed and I don’t know how to face him OR avoid him OR what feeling messages to even begin to say….



  266.  #266Iamabutterfly on December 1, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    and my stupid friends keep inviting him to stuff! he hasn’t shown up to any of their things in forever!



  267.  #267Femininewoman on December 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    About the text I would respond about how my day was going and about the previous text “thanks for the apology. I like people to be themselves around me so I take it that you were expressing how you felt in the moment. I prefer to take things slow and get to know people at comfortable pace.



  268.  #268LoveAlways on December 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    I feel disconnected, but this feels good in an odd way today



  269.  #269Sirenity on December 1, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    SMB – loved your FM ! Dont forget not EVERYthing is meant to be a FM .

    How about”
    It feels good to hear from you. i feel pleased court went well. You sound relieved.”

    “Hi! I would love to show you my flat if things move along a little further with us..who knows ? I did enjoy your company.”

    ” Please dont apologise ., i feel squished up reading that ..I just felt a little awkward and not sure how to respond. I am not looking to rush things. I feel reassured now ”

    Hey I am just guessing at your feelings here ..but a few suggestions ..try writing them down. Just dont igniore the guys texts if you like him
    ” I feel awkward” may be enough!



  270.  #270Sirenity on December 1, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Soprry for not editing! Ooops ..back to work.



  271.  #271Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Sirenity I LOVE your FM;s you do soooo much better at them than me. <3



  272.  #272Tereana on December 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    I’ve been feeling some weird, complex feelings today. I think it is guilt, though. I feel “guilty” for calling off my date with the guy who wants to see me. You see, he feels serious about me. He told me himself when he called and left a message on thanksgiving. On our first date – a coffee date – said I was “perfect” and what any man would want. It’s like he wants to “wrap me up” In a little package.

    This is great, right?

    Why do I feel so – wondering? Is this right? Is this really what I want? Is this WHO I want? Who is this guy, anyway?

    Am I just pushing away/running from another perfectly good guy?

    I am considering this, and wondering about it.

    But I am also trying to stay strong. Doing my best to feel my feelings and not DO anything. Though the urge is there. But if I create a vacuum, then, I guess I’ll get to see what happens next. I can’t just assume separation when I don’t know that that is what’s happening. And I don’t really know if he is for me, either, or if it is someone else….



  273.  #273Scarlet on December 1, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Starla

    179….. I was so hoping that I would get something positive about a future with the man that I am pining for. But I didn’t and you say that you didn’t also.

    You said your psychic gave you hope too – did that turn into reality at some point? Did it take you a long time to get over the man that you were hoping would come back to you?

    I feel worse today. Like all hope is gone and I feel so depressed. I can’t think about someone else coming into my life right now because I am too sad about the man I have lost.

    I guess I’m looking for some hope from you that the sadness will pass.

    Thank you for your support



  274.  #274Vi on December 1, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    My body feels dehidrated and it feels sad I havent bougjt any water beforehand. I can choose to feel excited that I will be able to water my body within 15 mins max. Inatead of feeling sad beating myself up for that. Woohoo



  275.  #275Silver Moonbeam on December 1, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I went with number 2 message, thank you x



  276.  #276Vi on December 1, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Feeling able to choose feeling feels like a mystery.



  277.  #277LoveAlways on December 1, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Feeling forgiving and compassionate with myself. Allowing the universe to bring to me what it will being surprised in every aspect of life, not just dealing with men. I’m developing an existence where NO ONE takes advantage of me anymore. That’s the result of my feminine energy marathon. It’s a wonderful experience. I speak how I want. I smile when I want. I embrace my lower moods and just go through it and with it, as ugly as it gets. The change is more inward than outward.

    My meditations have heightened and I sensitive to so many things on such a finer level. Feeling peace in each moment. Not for very long, but I’ve grasped it and it feels good.



  278.  #278Tam on December 1, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Urgh, Alarmbells, well yes Annie, although I did get the words scrambled up and in actual fact it was more like a freak out of mine that prompted that specific comment. Because at that point in the evening I had – as he was about to leave – said ‘right then, that’s it, I am done here’ (imagine with drill seargent tone).
    And I added: ‘I am not sleeping with a man who doesn’t want to be my boyfriend!’…upon which he mumbled something like that ‘ you should ‘ or ‘it’s relaxing’ or something similarly defensive, he didn’t actually say ‘other men’…it was more something I added in my mind..I am good at making things more dramatic also…anyway, it was my perception..and it felt bad regardless – but at that point I had already tipped the baby out with the bathwater.
    No point in re-hashing, he’s gone. OUt of sight and hopefully soon out of mind.

    Spent a great night with a friend in a couple of Casinos here, something I never did before and it was very much fun and really took my mind off things..yay!!
    🙂



  279.  #279Daria on December 1, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    I love Daria!



  280.  #280Tam on December 1, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    I am feeling quite good without drama in my life….hehe….for now anyway.
    I realised today, spending time with a friend who is putting zero pressure on me other than just having nice company…it suited me so much….and the same yesterday, out with friends…it’s a relief to just spend some nice hours socialising and having fun without having to think or even getting into my feelings too much, just passing time with good food and friends doing fun stuff.
    Aaaaaaaahhhh…let the holiday season begin.
    No man drama this month please.
    Thank you, Universe.



  281.  #281Daria on December 1, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    I am having an adventure stranded on the rain out in town. I love all the plants and the sound of the rain N the night time.



  282.  #282Janie Baby on December 1, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Do you guys believe in signs?

    Yesterday I had an amazing conversation with a new friend from class about psychics, energies, intuition, healing and feeling feelings, and signs. It made me want to get into meditation or go to a great psychic…

    I have been confused for a while as to whether I want to stay in my relationship or not. I feel insecure alot of the time but I don’t know if my man’s actions are warranting me feeling insecure or if it’s coming out of my own fear. My friend was saying the hard thing is distinguishing if your intuition is telling you something is up or your fear….last night I couldn’t stop crying about it for some reason, and I asked the universe to please send me a sign. I kept searching for one but couldn’t find it. My friends told me the universe will send signs…

    Today I spent a lovely day with him..We argued a bit in the beggining but I felt my feelings and then we had a lot of fun checking out the christmas tree at union sq and then went back to my place to relax and take a nap and drink hot chocolate. he had to leave my home at 6 pm to go get ready for his work, and i don’t know why i feel the need to sabotage things when things are going well.. first I started whining “NOOO leave at 6 15″ and bein pouty…and hes like” I have to go work out before work” and i kept saying “No eatt pizza with me” and felt pouty and he saw the bus was coming in about a minute so he was like okay i have to goo! byee and came to gav me a kiss … and of course i let go of all the great leaning back work i did earlier and said “You never tell me you love me anymore!!” and started tearing… he left and then knocked on my window as he was leaving and said ” ilove you!” but i just felt out of control and bad like i was forcing it out of him. also earlier he said “maybe tomorrow i can come by and work on my paper at your house” and i was like”no you won’t” cause he always flakes on me on sundays cause he’s particularly tired after working all night which I totally understand! but i’d rather not make plans than be flaked on….But instead of expressing this maturely i said “noo you won’t.”

    anyways felt kind of confused and went to go eat at a little cafe on my block… i started thinking about it like i got a visual of how it used to be and i used to treat him like a best friend and now i second guess him so it feels like an enemy someone i’m battling with. i wished it could be the best friend dynamic again. i looked at the window and this shop across’s sign was flashing. it was called “Janie and Jack” (His name is that and mine’s something else but Janie is my name here) I feel like this was telling me I need to start treating him like a friend again or that it’s right that I’m staying for the time being even if itll end up being wrong maybe i just need to learn a lesson…

    It was kind of chilling actually.



  283.  #283Goddess Lily on December 1, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Janie,

    Oooh that is chilling. I imagined if that happened to me just now. That would be hard to ignore.



  284.  #284Janie Baby on December 1, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Yeah!! It was weird. Yesterday my friend said “the universe is giving you signs all the time , you just have to be aware.”

    and i’ve passed that store alot and never really noticed it.. it was just that moment..

    at the same time i felt doubtful like i was overthinking it or making something out of nonsense.. but for a split second it felt very strange and my friend’s words just flashed into my head and my request to the universe for a sign.



  285.  #285Radlove on December 1, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    Daria,

    281 – I feel curious…how come you’re stranded?



  286.  #286Emerson on December 1, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    SMB
    I’m a Gemini too 🙂 😉



  287.  #287Emerson on December 1, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    I’m going to buy myself some really good coffee tomorrow …



  288.  #288Emerson on December 1, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    I’ve been feeling really negative and down on myself …
    I feel bad always bringing that to the blog but I don’t have a lot of friends to talk to



  289.  #289Daria on December 1, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    im feeling really good! im super been able to maintain the “life loves me and is my friend vibe” yay!

    even thru stuff that used to trigger me! i have a new normal and it feels awesome



  290.  #290Daria on December 1, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    Radlove – my guyfriend / wannabe CD but he drinks … suddenly abandoned me lol 🙂

    and i still kept my vibe positive i dont think he really realized id be stranded…

    i was gonna take the bus but the rain was hardcore!

    i called my dad and got a ride and my vibe stayed good tho these situations usually trigger me awfully

    and i got practice asking men for help without expectations, demands



  291.  #291Daria on December 2, 2012 at 12:07 am

    oooh! hte most awesome Rori Raye practice with a ‘difficult man’!
    im pracitcing beig playful! and starting off each response with a positive/appreciation
    :::

    So I noticed we haven’t met yet 🙂 . What’s the holdup 🙂 hehe

    Honestly…u

    Hmm ? Tell me more…
    2 hours ago

    Wats to tell u really don’t say anything to me
    2 hours ago

    Hmm I don’t get it babe , I’m just a girl here, I like it wen a guy comes to see me I was thinking u would

    Ok but how can i do anything if u don’t even show intrest in me…im not gonna chase

    🙂 oh hmmm that sux lol I like to be chased by a guy I’m just a girl I wana be swept off my feet hehe 🙂
    1 hour ago

    Dat don’t consist of chasing somebody who seem more interested in other ppl …u keep saying u just a girl do dat mean u just sit there n look cute

    hehe well yes that would feel lovely really like a princess 🙂 i dono i feel a lil bad i dont want to feel like im chasing a guy…

    But u want the guy to chase u wtf
    1 hour ago

    U realize u don’t call guys send pics go c them are nothing like wat do u do
    1 hour ago

    🙂 yes i like when a guy is in charge of dating… and im feeling a lil bad like thats a problem… 🙁

    U mistake being in charge wit being an asshole…u just said u wouldn’t chase nobody but u like guys chasing u sound like u looking for a pushover
    45 minutes ago

    hmm i don’t feel got babe 🙁 i really just feel good when a guy calls and makes plans with me and stuff … it makes me feel like a lady and that feels good 🙂
    16 minutes ago

    Ok sweetie

    🙂 🙂 🙂



  292.  #292Sirenity on December 2, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Hope you got home ok Daria. I love your attitude -having an adventure!! Yaayyy ..!!!



  293.  #293Sirenity on December 2, 2012 at 12:12 am

    I loved reading that Daria.
    Its sad we have to lead a man into his masculine self by leaning back. But I hope he feels GOOD when he does project some man power and you respond.. Yuum



  294.  #294Sirenity on December 2, 2012 at 12:19 am

    My Major man (with sexy voice) has been step with calls and we are meeting in a few days .
    Hmm.. I feel interested in this one.

    He has been feeling around with promises of flirty sensual messages and double entendres and i told him i am queen of word sex but I do need to feel comfortable first ..tee hee..he has never overstepped the line.

    I feel longing inside to turn on all those wonderful brain sex skills I have ..I am hoping I might feel safe with this one to do so. I have been so stuck and quiet the last 2 years with boring men overall, people who knew I was still recovering from the cancer .

    I feel very attracted to his voice and his military background and the fact he is attracted to my BRAIN already. I hope i do not invest anything in this. He is just another CD . Right?

    I am now firing and wanting to feel thrills and spills and lots of fun . I hope i attract men who can do that.



  295.  #295Daria on December 2, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Thanks Sirenity!

    im at home feeling SO good in my room

    ive been eating a probiotic the past few dyas

    sooooo good right now all my energy feeling fantastic



  296.  #296Daria on December 2, 2012 at 12:42 am

    “I feel longing inside to turn on all those wonderful brain sex skills I have ..I am hoping I might feel safe with this one to do so. I have been so stuck and quiet the last 2 years with boring men overall”

    I feel excited this is another sign of the steps i took a few days ago to open up talking about sex after being stuck for years too!… the secret i learned was to open up a babystep with every man, doesn’t matter what i judge them, or if they’re the kind its easy to, just take a lil step even with the boring ones and then POWWWW the whole world opens and its pouring awesome ones and i feel so much open to all of them ahhhhh thank u and the boring ones are turning awesome!



  297.  #297Smile on December 2, 2012 at 12:54 am

    Tam, I love your processing. I love what dominique wrote to you x



  298.  #298Smile on December 2, 2012 at 12:59 am

    I spent yesterday texting a guy. It was great practise, it really got me clear on how to communicate a few things.

    He said, wow, you seem like a great catch, I’m so glad I messaged you!
    We are meeting today. A very short walk and a cup of tea. I have to be somewhere straight after so it wont be long. Although that feels a little bad as he’s travelling over an hour to see me. He feel like a msn, not a boy so far which is good. I love roris post about age. This guy is a year younger. I just to always believe I wanted an older man.



  299.  #299Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:16 am

    i just rememembered i met a cool guy this morning! he drove over to meet me on his break 🙂 he said he def likes what hes sees hehe 🙂 i was feelin self conscious from bein sick 🙂 he said it twice 🙂



  300.  #300Heart on December 2, 2012 at 1:19 am

    Just ate salad….Tasted so good.



  301.  #301Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:26 am

    i want sugar cake stuff

    chocolate sees candy-like stuff or the pumpkin donuts i saw

    mmm that would feel so good im hungry!

    i wonder what im craving… is there something available that would nourish n fulfillme?



  302.  #302Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:38 am

    i ate some raw coconut butter and half a ceylon cinnamon stick

    i can eat the stick cuz i don’t smell anything yet after my cold… so can’t taste it as strong as it is

    whew it still feels spicy on my tongue and mouth



  303.  #303Heart on December 2, 2012 at 1:40 am

    now I want cheese cake…



  304.  #304Heart on December 2, 2012 at 1:45 am

    AwwrCd was out with his friend and some girls a few days ago…he was tagged in a pic…And although previously was not interested of felt attracted…I felt my interest spike just a tiny bit….maybe those Pickup tips men tell other men are right…like surround yourself with women etc…and other women will find u more attracted…
    Yuck….I feel icky thinking about “strategies” like that…might work for 5 mins but not further…



  305.  #305Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:51 am

    i just ate a big ass organic pear

    i feel so glad ive been eating only organic food since i got sick! yah me that feels so awesome and my mind makes the happiest thoughts and men so appreciate that wondeful healing safe world vibe



  306.  #306Heart on December 2, 2012 at 2:24 am

    My heart will go on and on….

    Practicing Fms with textmessages is really good.
    I am finding it easier to be vulnerable & speak my truth…
    it’s becoming like second nature…email wise etc

    Real life…still challenging…because sometimes u need time to sink & discover what ur truth is….



  307.  #307Heart on December 2, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Wants something Exciting to happen Now!
    Come on Universe!



  308.  #308Femininewoman on December 2, 2012 at 2:37 am

    First date tips from a James Bauer email

    1. Where you are from?

    2. What you do for a living?

    3. What you do for fun?

    Take just a moment right now to prepare your mind to give a really great answer to the question, “What do you do for fun?” Don’t get stuck listing generic past times. Instead, focus on the idea of fun itself.

    What do I mean by “fun itself?” I mean you should focus your response on describing the emotional experience of fun. Here’s an example:

    “Oh man! That’s my favorite question, Barry. I love trying new things. I’m always searching the bulletin boards around town to see who’s offering a course on something I’ve never done before, like sailing or impromptu acting, or a French pastry baking course on Thursday nights. It’s that feeling of excitement when you’re getting ready to walk out the door to explore something new. I love that feeling! I also love the comfort of sitting on my big couch with a couple of my friends and just talking about whatever comes up. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, just cozy, relaxed enjoyment of the moment. ”

    Let him experience the way you light up and vibrantly enjoy talking about things you do in your recreational time. This will serve as a powerful magnetic attraction factor for a man. Men are into fun. Men are into adventure. They like a woman who embraces the fun things in life.

    A tiny bit of time spent practicing an answer to this question will have a huge payoff in your dating life. I hope you will also ask him the same question. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about a person by focusing on what happens to his energy level when you ask him what he does in his time off. That’s when you’ll be spending time with him, after all.



  309.  #309Smile on December 2, 2012 at 2:39 am

    I feel a little anxious I’ve not heard from him yet? I just expected him to communicate about the meeting.
    He asked what time but I said half 11-12… He hasn’t texed to say which time…
    I know he should be on the road now to make either of those times…

    I feel I should have said, it would feel good to confirm a time for tomorrow…

    But he just stopped texting last night after he said I was a good catch.

    We will see… If he doesn’t show, I feel prepared.



  310.  #310Smile on December 2, 2012 at 2:41 am

    308, thanks FW. I felt really proud of my communication around this last night. Tried to let my vibe and passion shine through 



  311.  #311Heart on December 2, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Oh.My.God….something unexpected just happened..

    wow…
    i feel freaked out.
    It’s not really a big deal but…
    such a coincidence…



  312.  #312Daria on December 2, 2012 at 2:56 am

    2 hours ago
    Still don’t c wat it is u would bring to d table if the man gotta do everything

    hmm i don’t feel seen 🙁 and that feels bad i dont want a man who doesn’t see what ive got to offer i feel good when a guy is knocking down the door. i dont know what to do here… this feels bad 🙁 i feel open to meet u but perhaps we’re not a good match if you’re not feeling the motivation to do so… what do you think?



  313.  #313Daria on December 2, 2012 at 2:59 am

    dificult man: Dats cool

    beautiful me: ok thanks for the honesty… good luck in the future…



  314.  #314Heart on December 2, 2012 at 3:01 am

    Thank you Universe!



  315.  #315Femininewoman on December 2, 2012 at 3:06 am

    Daria this conversation feels good. It has me feeling smiley and sparly inside hehe. It has me feeling/thinking that you are a fox 🙂

    Mysterious, intriguing and sly. I love it 🙂



  316.  #316Heart on December 2, 2012 at 3:16 am

    Feeling Great.



  317.  #317Heart on December 2, 2012 at 3:44 am

    I Want Something Happy to Happen Now!

    COME ON UNIVERSE!



  318.  #318Heart on December 2, 2012 at 3:49 am

    oh well…nada…guess I was being greedy/skeptical…

    thanks 4 the excitement Universe Xx.



  319.  #319Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:10 am

    omg….phucked up! Cringes…difficult to explain but lets just say I did somthing close to a like/unlike thing…on someone’s FB….omg!
    I can’t believe it…
    Super super embarassed! Eeeeek….

    Universe what have u done to me!…
    now it’s So Obvious I’ve been checking out his FB page..

    eeek
    lol….nooooooo.
    omg I need to get a life.
    Wow…



  320.  #320Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:12 am

    wants to hide in a hole.
    Universe…*cries*



  321.  #321Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Gosh I might need to unfriend this guy for my sanity…



  322.  #322Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:18 am

    omg omg omgomgomg…

    giggly embarassed vulnerable feeling in my chest…
    feeling naked…
    feeling exposed…

    omg omg omg omg …
    Breathe ….it’s ok it’s ok so what…Eeeek.



  323.  #323Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:28 am

    Damn u Universe!
    I feel horrible now…
    ok ok *breathe

    i feel ashamed
    i feel embarassed
    i feel terrified…
    I feel cringey & bad
    I just want it to go away…

    I asked for something happy Universe!
    Arrrrrrrrrggggh…
    I feel stupid…and pathetic…
    I feel like oh-no I said I felt stupid and pathetic …the Sirens are going to come and tell me to be gentle with myself…
    that’s how i feel though…



  324.  #324Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:29 am

    i feel calmer…
    moderate eeek feeling going on in my chest…
    eeek



  325.  #325Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:48 am

    wow…ok i feel horrible..
    I really need to start taking better care of myself….
    I will try to do that from now on.
    This was actually a good thing….a blessing in a way…
    I feel calmer…I’ve zoomed out…one day when I’m with my Mr. Right I’ll remember this & laugh.

    I want a fun date next weekend!
    woot.



  326.  #326Tam on December 2, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Smile, wuhooo, you are dating!!!!! So cool!!!! 🙂



  327.  #327Heart on December 2, 2012 at 4:49 am

    where is everybody?

    hmm….lololol….I’m so nuts.



  328.  #328Tam on December 2, 2012 at 4:50 am

    (((Heart)))



  329.  #329Femininewoman on December 2, 2012 at 4:51 am

    I just finished doing a meditation where the voice kept saying “I love I love I love”

    http://www.mediafire.com/?6cb3ngfzjvmtnmx



  330.  #330Tam on December 2, 2012 at 4:58 am

    Hm. About the age of men. It doesn’t matter to me so much anymore, but their feelings bout their age do. For example, they ask me how old I am and I tell them (because I really have no problem with that), and then they don’t tell me or make a big song and dance about it or make themselves younger (lies).
    That is such a turn off, and I had this happen to me a lot. In fact, every single man who was after 40, whom I met in the last year or two made age a big deal (can you believe this? because, frankly, I think it’s a bit silly).
    The only one who was truthful and open from the get go was MrP and he was the oldest. Apart from the scientist/surgeon guy, who is my parents age…and who last year also made a big song and dance about his age. And when I met him two days ago, he seemed in a much better place – and lo and behold, we were laughing about something and he pulls out his passport for some reason, and of course I could see when he was born and he was cool with that. We even joked about it. It is so nice when a man is confident and happy with himself and not trying to pretend and be someone else. It may mean the age difference is too great for me for one reason or other, but I am much more inclined to spend time getting to know someone who is comfy with themselves….
    The other turnoff though is when men say they only want younger women, or when on the internet profile they state that they are 50 and looking for a woman under 45 or so. What’s that all about?
    I feel sad for future me!! And for all the great women I see here, mostly in much better shape and health and looking better than the men their age…
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.



  331.  #331Daria on December 2, 2012 at 5:10 am

    now he’s chasing me

    lol

    i just had a deep convo with 19 man

    we have mirror triggers about money

    whew!



  332.  #332Heart on December 2, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Hi FW and Tam …feel reassurring to you two…



  333.  #333Smile on December 2, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Aw he was over half an hour early! He texed to say he was there, he didn’t know how long the journey would take him.
    He was nice. No physical attraction for me though, I’m open to attraction growing though. I was his first date from match.
    He didn’t ask me to see him again. Dont know how I feel about this, maybe a little disappointed…



  334.  #334Smile on December 2, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Tam, yup been on two now. My inbox is full of messages I’ve not even looked at yet! I’m getting more confident 🙂



  335.  #335Heart on December 2, 2012 at 5:19 am

    feels reassurring to see u two…typos..



  336.  #336Heart on December 2, 2012 at 5:22 am

    RomanceCd is so sweet!



  337.  #337Daria on December 2, 2012 at 5:22 am

    difficult man:

    Dats cool

    beautiful Daria: ok thanks for the honesty… good luck in the future…

    man: Lol u a trip

    beautiful Daria: 🙁 this feels terrible ?

    man:
    Why u feel bad n terrible n all dat Damn we talking we not married

    Can i atleast get my pic? are u don’t do dat for guys either
    2 hours ago

    Can i ask wat is it dat u bring to d table?

    We where always cool but u never seemed interested yet u telling me i should still chase u dats where we lose each other luv
    2 hours ago

    We still should hook up baby we always had great convo …but don’t try n ignore me

    ***************

    lol! 🙂

    and he texted me! i feel wanted hahah and amused

    and a little turned off worried/scared annoyed umff drained judgemental

    do i ant to feel drained like this ? no

    this feels like great practice

    umf

    i labeled him difficult so now its playing out

    im gonna label him easy man



  338.  #338Heart on December 2, 2012 at 5:28 am

    RomanceCd is telling me how when he likes someone he alwas makes time for them.it shows love and caring…
    wow…

    think he might be complaining I’m not giving him enough time…

    its So Easy whenyou dont care that much….and the minute u start developing feelings…Everything changes.



  339.  #339Daria on December 2, 2012 at 5:30 am

    i feel really burdened by ‘easy man’

    i feel angry and like pushing him away!

    aha!

    interesting to notice

    but its his fualt he’s with the drama!

    aha 1 interesting to notice wat a strong urge to blame



  340.  #340Daria on December 2, 2012 at 5:32 am

    19 and i don’t sinc on me wanting stuff he gets triggered about being used

    and i get triggered about a man getting triggered about that

    and we love each other and say it and i want to have sex w him hmmm

    i wonder what this showed up to heal?



  341.  #341Smile on December 2, 2012 at 5:32 am

    I just replied to another message.
    I’m feeling so excited about meeting all these men lol 



  342.  #342Heart on December 2, 2012 at 5:40 am

    Gosh Daria – yea I’ve heard men say that but they generally enup with easy relationships…They themselves are unfulfilled and the woman is unfulfilled but they have company and a nice connection and an ok relationship.

    How boring….and uninspiring…if u want to soar Stay in feminine energy..

    Ps. that guy sounds so Whiney…ick.



  343.  #343Silver Moonbeam on December 2, 2012 at 5:40 am

    I am meeting NiceGuy this afternoon to go to the Christmas markets in London, taking on board FW’s message about having fun. 😀



  344.  #344Tam on December 2, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Smile, you are on a roll!! 😉

    I see the words difficult and easy man pop up a lot just now – hello Daria!!
    I feel totally turned off by the word ‘difficult’….ooohhhh I am so tired of the difficult man. Yuck…urgh….OMG, I realised my life is better without a man that is difficult. Better alone!!!
    No drama, no tears, no problem.
    Aaaaaaahhhhh…it feels great.

    I love myself so I eat good food. I love myself, hence surround myself with friends that make me feel good and let the others slip away quietly.
    I love myself, so why on earth would I hang on to the difficult man, in my case, who has the potential to make me feel very good but I always pay by feeling very bad for one reason or other.
    Sick and tired of feeling bad.
    Life is short….



  345.  #345Tam on December 2, 2012 at 5:54 am

    I feel turned off.
    I feel like not giving the ex another chance.
    We were going to go boating but the friends are not up and nobody is sure what is going on. Oh Jeez.
    I had plans to meet with a meet-up group this lunchtime for a jazz festival…so I said we could have breakfast (his idea) but later, if the boating is off, I might go downtown to meet with a meetup group.
    So he invited himself to go along.
    Oh man.
    This is not what I want. I want to keep having my own life and see where it’s going, not jump into an instant relationship and go places as a couple.
    I feel mean but I explained this already and he doesn’t get it.
    🙁



  346.  #346Heart on December 2, 2012 at 5:55 am

    RomanceCd is not on my FB ..he didnt send me a friend request…i kind of really like that….mystery…apartness….masculine…

    why am i so scared to say Yes?

    I’m afraid if i open my heart & start developing feelings ….he’ll poof..



  347.  #347Heart on December 2, 2012 at 5:59 am

    who posted that byron katie you tube video…?

    I want to look at it again…



  348.  #348Silver Moonbeam on December 2, 2012 at 6:11 am

    Heart do you mean the Byron Katie dating youtube where the girl is scared to date again?



  349.  #349Silver Moonbeam on December 2, 2012 at 6:12 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgoKKH-R3Pg

    Anyway even if not, this is a really good one to watch if you are getting back into the dating game.



  350.  #350Heart on December 2, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Yes SMB ….thank you so much for reposting it…Sending love ad gratitude your way…

    ……..

    fw’s mediation was painful. I felt sad during it…and my heart felt heavy…And I realized I felt so Unloved. Wow.

    Will try it again in a day or so.



  351.  #351Calypso on December 2, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Hi Sirens – I’m trying to get caught up on the blog – I love this post about how to help yourself get over a break-up. We probably all know these things, but it is good to hear it reinforced. I spent most of the weekend by myself, but I was outside doing physical things like raking leaves and burning brush piles and I was surrounded by my dogs and cats, so I felt their love and effection. Last night I went to Chili’s and watched the SEC Football game with a bunch of friends, so not completely isolated.

    I have not contacted GM since our last flirty text where i finally used some FM’s, but I did chat via text with his best friend a couple of times this weekend. We are friends too and we make each other laugh, but I know he will tell GM everything we talked about, so it was sort of cheating to contact him – like a sideways crack fix – lol



  352.  #352Heart on December 2, 2012 at 6:34 am

    powerful video SMB ….i love it!!



  353.  #353Heart on December 2, 2012 at 6:43 am

    He doesn’t care for me.

    1) I don’t care for me….I tell myself mean things about his behavior, Checking his FB hurts me, I’m refusing to move on and instead living in a hopeful comfort zone..meanwhile men want to date me.

    2) I don’t care for him – I think horrible things about him. I put him down in my mind. I dissed him a few times.

    3) He does care about me – 90% of the times I’ve known him he has treated me kindly…he didn’t ill-treat me other than poofing and that’s his prerogative. I turned a guy down today…I would hate if someone said I was a bad person because of it.



  354.  #354Brenda on December 2, 2012 at 6:45 am

    I’m so glad I found this site Rori has so much info I wish I had known about this site,listening to everyone story is so therapeutic for me. I need help on this one X calls and text 2 a day comes by 2 a week for sex and leave he has moved on it hurts cause I love him he won’t admit he moved on my friend is friends with his sis she doesn’t tell me much now at one point she told me his sis said he has alot of women his sis tells my friend everything about this man my friend knows stuff haven’t told me anything I feel like she’s not a friend am I wrong and its more to that but I’ll get into that later Now I asked him where I stand he says I’m his baby forever not a real answer cause he half spends time with me other than sleep sex leave I know its past time to let go I need to know how?



  355.  #355Heart on December 2, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Turning it around give me a soothing feeling in my chest…
    Makes me feel like I’m rubbing balm my chapped heart….



  356.  #356Heart on December 2, 2012 at 6:53 am

    perogative …



  357.  #357Belle on December 2, 2012 at 6:55 am

    345
    Tam

    Are you saying that you told him,
    “I would feel uncomfortable if you went along, I’d like to just go to the meetup alone,” and he ignored you and decided to go anyway?



  358.  #358Heart on December 2, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Practicing FMs with men feels great.



  359.  #359Smile on December 2, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Hm what do you say to a guy who texed I was itching to kiss you? I’m not sure I’m attracted that much yet but I am open to when I feel I know him more. I don’t want to reject him,.. 

    Help woul feel much appreciated…



  360.  #360Calypso on December 2, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Smile – In that situation, i would respond with, “That makes me giggle” . . .



  361.  #361Silver Moonbeam on December 2, 2012 at 7:07 am

    #354 Brenda

    Do you have the e-book? $19.97 well spent I feel.



  362.  #362Calypso on December 2, 2012 at 7:10 am

    And try to relax about it – it’s just a kiss . . . not a committment . . . lol. Kissing is good ~



  363.  #363Emoticon on December 2, 2012 at 7:17 am

    The Universe is my friend. There is nothing happening in my life that is not meant to happen just that way.

    I trust that I am always in the right place at the right time.

    I trust that I make the best decision for me to grow or to learn.

    I trust that I am on the right track to where I need to go, at the right speed and that nothing I’m supposed to have is beyond me or my reach/ ability.



  364.  #364Smile on December 2, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Hm what do you say to a guy who texed I was itching to kiss you? I’m not sure I’m attracted that much yet but I am open to when I feel I know him more. I don’t want to reject him,.. 

    I like kissing..



  365.  #365Heart on December 2, 2012 at 7:26 am

    I feeling really Embarrassed now…CudG knows I was checking his fb page….Omg.
    yes im still talking about him..ok…Im a little stuck…i know…ive been trying to unstick myself…
    but it takes a little time..

    He knows I’m hurt about the picture.

    I know I’m hurt about the picture. – wow… I was yes…I feel amgry about it

    I know he’s hurt about the picture – Huh? Makes now sense…but…hmmm…he wrote an explanation thathe just ran into friends….so maybe he feel explainy about it..

    He doesnt know your hurt – well he can infer things and wonder and speculate but he can’t actually know…In fact he can figure it was all coincidence…or be confused.
    Even if he did know would that be so bad?
    Good practice in being vulnerable in a way…

    Wonder if he checks mine…



  366.  #366Heart on December 2, 2012 at 7:27 am

    He used to check a lot…judging by the stuff he said..



  367.  #367Smile on December 2, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Cypso, thank you.

    I didn’t mean to post again.

    I’ve used I feel giggly twice, I like saying that 🙂

    It’s over a text message.

    How bout I like kissing and a smile…



  368.  #368Heart on December 2, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Epic Embarrassment happening all over again..

    eeeeek….Whhhy….
    lololol…
    noooooooooooo
    cringey…



  369.  #369Heart on December 2, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    eeeeeeeeeekkkk..



  370.  #370Heart on December 2, 2012 at 7:35 am

    How did I mess up so bad…
    I feel so Ashamed…
    he knows I still care…
    and I’ve been checking up on him…

    So what if he knows?
    So what? So everything..
    Wow…I am starting to sound like Golum from Lord of the ring now …
    lololol….Cringe shame tight..giggley embarassed….crawl under blanket and lay there feeling..



  371.  #371Calypso on December 2, 2012 at 7:39 am

    You could say, “Hmmmm . . . that sounds nice to hear :-)” or “I bet being kissed by you would feel nice . . .” lots of ways to get an FM into a kissing text – lol.

    Enjoy!



  372.  #372Emoticon on December 2, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Spirit of nervousness be gone.

    Spirit of anxiety, have a cookie.

    Spirit of fear, I honor you, and I release you.

    Spirit of hope, continue to plant your seeds within me.

    Spirit of detachment, take residence in my mind.

    Spirit of love of all things, take residence in my heart.

    Spirit of acceptance, fill me, so that I may love.

    Spirit of gratitude, captivate me. Give me the grace to be happy and grateful for everthing I have, even things I have had my entire life and take for granted. Help me to love things as they are.

    I speak from my heart and these are my desires. I wish to humble myself, to not use people, to not expect anything from anyone. Yet I wish to not accept crumbs.

    I wish to learn how to let my beautiful inner goddess see the light of day. Let the spirit of my young, bright-eyed, grateful, creative self come forward and take over.



  373.  #373Emoticon on December 2, 2012 at 7:45 am

    I already feel a shift, just taking those words from my heart and typing them out here.

    Now wondering how it would feel to say and hear them out loud.

    I feel eager to put them on paper and recite them when i need to let out my inner goddess.

    Inner Goddess wants a name.



  374.  #374Heart on December 2, 2012 at 7:47 am

    omgad what have I done…



  375.  #375Calypso on December 2, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Heart – how does he know you were looking at his site?



  376.  #376April Rose on December 2, 2012 at 7:52 am

    (((((((((Heart))))))))))
    ((((((((icky sticky embarrassed feelings)))))))))



  377.  #377Calypso on December 2, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Somethng I do that I am just now realizing his upsetting my inner warrior is, I say out loud “It doesn’t matter” when I start thinking of painful memories about GM – I will remember that he is chosing to be alone in this world instead of with me and it hurts so much and then I say, “It doesn’t matter” . . . But it DOES matter. It really does. I should just say “Stop” or something like that – not “It doesn’t matter” . . . how can I heal when I deny myself the reality of my feelings. It would be better to say, “That sucks!” . . .Lol. I’m gonna try that!



  378.  #378Emoticon on December 2, 2012 at 8:07 am

    I love my anxiety. I love my fear.



  379.  #379Ags on December 2, 2012 at 8:09 am

    I like reading everyone’s thoughts and feelings.

    Today, I don’t know how to love myself. I am in a lot of pain. The pain of comparing myself to my recent ex’s new girlfriend, the pain of someone else being loved and treated the way I want to be loved and treated, the pain of being coldly rejected by him, the pain of him telling me that he never loved me (even though he told me so for years).

    I feel not good enough.



  380.  #380April Rose on December 2, 2012 at 8:11 am

    (((((((((Ags))))))))

    Feeling your pain is you loving yourself.



  381.  #381Heart on December 2, 2012 at 8:14 am

    375 – I feel a little self-conscious that the sirens are going to roll their eyes at me…
    But used an expression his friend used while commenting on the fb pic I mentioned before..
    It’s kinda hard to miss…and I used it while commenting on a picI posted and though it sounds innocent…it really does give it away that I was on his FB page and affected by that picture…he barely posts on Fb and I barely post..so the little activity stands out…



  382.  #382Heart on December 2, 2012 at 8:14 am

    but I used…



  383.  #383Heart on December 2, 2012 at 8:17 am

    also…it’s not a common expression…wow..Ineed to unfriend him and at point…just goes to show how much that stuff is there subconsciously…



  384.  #384Heart on December 2, 2012 at 8:18 am

    unfriend him at some point..typos..



  385.  #385Heart on December 2, 2012 at 8:22 am

    I know it’s not a big deal…but I feel embarassed….and Naked.



  386.  #386Heart on December 2, 2012 at 8:25 am

    facepalm…



  387.  #387Heart on December 2, 2012 at 8:27 am

    oh god somebody…Say something!..

    ok fine…just let me lie here in pool of disgrace!



  388.  #388k2012 on December 2, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Thanks for this article. I also want Rori to write on another aspect of breakup or ask another relationship expert to write on it. I would really appreciate this subtopic on breakup-How do u deal with the reappearance of a man who disappeared on u. I would love to know. Mercedes and other ladies, I am getting surprises that I never bargained for. As I have mentioned before, he has reappeared to my sister and now me by writing happy birthday on my facebook page on Thursday, the day of my birthday. I understand from my hairdresser/relationship counsellor who is a christian and has is highly spiritually gifted that he (my ex) wanted to get in touch with me from a long time but he didn’t know what to say. My response to her was that he could have started with an apology. I mean what other approach could he come with. We were in a relationship, he disappeared on me for 4 months and now appears and writes on my page,”Happy birthday,___________ Blessings.” And then expect that its going to be business as usual. He hurt me badly and therefore the first point of order MUST be an apology. Mark u, don’t get me wrong u know ladies, that DOESN’T MEAN THAT I AM GOING TO TAKE. HIM BACK if he wants us to reconcile. Between Rori’s articles, Christian Carter, Elaine MD and a few from Virginia Carter, I can’t tell u how much I have learnt. I really hope that a few guys will invite me out this holiday season. I want a new boyfriend but I will circular date so no one I am dating is going to feel like its they alone I am dating. No way. Circular dating is the way to go and ladies, I don’t know if Rori has ever said this but Elaine MD, another online relationship counsellor has said that we are to allow the men to bring up the serious talk and not us. They should initiate the serious talk, NOT US. Was shocked to find out this. So what should be my approach if he calls me and wants to talk? Just asking u guys for advice, just in case. I am not sure how to respond. I feel like I shutting down if he calls and let him alone do the talking and I listen cause I have nothing to say to him. What do u think?



  389.  #389Starbright on December 2, 2012 at 9:00 am

    K2012

    Being open would encourage him to talk. Leaning back with heart open so he feels comfortable to open himself. Could start off with: It feels good to hear your voice.
    Then take it step by step as he takes the lead by responding back with feeling messages. The soft on the outside and strong on tre inside.

    If you are shut down it will not allow him to tell you how he is feeling. A defensive stance does not help here. Being vulnerable actually shows strength even though we have been shown the opposite for years.



  390.  #390Starbright on December 2, 2012 at 9:04 am

    K2012,
    I would add to let him take the lead in the conversation. However letting him know you are open to hearing what he has to say is important. That’s where the “it feels good to hear your voice” comes in.



  391.  #391Luzydel on December 2, 2012 at 9:07 am

    “D” took the day off tomorrow to spend it with me, I told him a while ago I had the day off. Anyway, I went on a date yesterday, didn’t feel physical attraction, but I had a good time and nice conversation. The guy kept on looking at me, etc. I am seeing the changes in me, before I would do anything to leave the date, because he wasn’t it and acted so tense, so full of expectations.
    Now I just relax, so what it is good that the guy took the time to treat me for dinner and talk, so why not give him my undivided attention?

    So here I am Fully circular dating and having exclusive sexual relationship wit one of them; I fell a bit nervous about this, like how it will end?



  392.  #392Heart on December 2, 2012 at 9:07 am

    K2012….thanks – should be sufficient.
    I feel a little concerned…he only said Happy Birthday….yes he is reaching out slightly…testing the waters….u seem into him so let him know its safe to swim.
    ps…Facebook will be the ruin of us all.



  393.  #393Iamabutterfly on December 2, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Heart, you’re adorable, and you make me feel less alone in my freakouts. Hope you’ve managed to calm down. 🙂



  394.  #394Heart on December 2, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Awwwr thanks Iama…i feel good reading that <3
    and yes I'm calmer now…hehe.



  395.  #395Tereana on December 2, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Awww….Heart, you do sound cute and adorable today.

    I want to be that adorable in my ‘freakouts’….

    Anyway, my heart is feeling weird and shifty today. Shifty like something might be shifting around? But it feels uncomfortable, like things aren’t quite “settled” or in their right places just yet.

    I’m still thinking occasionally about SYG. The thoughts are different, flowing in different patterns. I am coming up with different lessons, or things that I’ve learned. And it’s putting some of my experiences with other guys into a new perspective as well.

    I posted a while back about how I could have “let him” love me, if I chose to.

    Well, what about me? I could have chosen also to love him. And I didn’t. And I didn’t choose to love another guy, and another guy, and another guy. All of them could have been “my guy.” But I didn’t choose to go forward with it, for one reason or another. Maybe I wasn’t “ready.” But maybe I just thought “he’s not the One.” Something’s not right. He doesn’t feel like he’s “for me.” But I could have done it differently – if I’d wanted to.

    Here’s where I’ve been playing it: I’ve been supposing (as Matthew and Orna Walters will tell you is, of course, not the right idea to have) that love is something that just “happens” to you. That one of these days, I’ll meet some guy, and I’ll “just know.” I will suddenly be “falling in love” and there will be no control over it. Which is why I sometimes probably don’t bother to control where my heart goes with some of these guys.

    Mercedes asked a while back if I “give my heart away” too quickly. I’m not sure that that’s the case. I don’t know that I “give” them my heart. But that’s not to say that my heart doesn’t get involved without me having any particular knowledge of it.

    Wouldn’t it be great if I could CHOOSE to involve my heart. Wouldn’t it be great if I could CHOOSE to say “yes,” this is where I am, and this is where I want to be, and this is who I want to be here with. I could choose a man who’s there, and then FIND OUT if he is the right one.

    Or maybe I am not giving myself enough credit. It feels to me sometimes as if I “don’t know how” to love. But of course, this is not really true. I know how, because I was born knowing how. I was born as complete and pure love, loving automatically, because that’s exactly how I was made to be.

    Guys see this, and they know this. It comes across immediately. But then they get frustrated when that is not how I behave.

    Because somewhere along the line, that love got squashed down. Love was made to be conditional. It wasn’t returned “perfectly” the way it was given. It was returned in fits and starts, with anxiety, nervousness and low self-esteem. I absorbed all these things and called them “love” because I didn’t know what else to call them.

    now, when I try to “love” myself, that’s what I get – the anxiety, the nervousness, the conditionality. “If I do this, I can love myself.” “If I do it right, I am okay, and if I do it wrong, then I am without love.” It is hard to feel worthy. It is hard to feel “enough” when I always feel like I am “doing it wrong.” (whatever “it” is.) I’ve forgotten how to love, but I haven’t. My body remembers. My body is still love, even though my mind may be warped beyond recognition.

    It feels so sad to see myself this way, and yet, maybe doing it can help me heal. Can help me remember.

    I can love, and can let myself be loved.

    It can be easy….

    And I can experience it in my life time



  396.  #396Brenda on December 2, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Silver moonbeam I will make sure I purchase it thks for the suggestions.



  397.  #397Brenda on December 2, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Radlove sorry for the long story I’m venting and I do know how to use punctuation marks lol. I write alot in my journal my feelings so I’m doing that same thing on the site, and my question is how can I move on when I Love him? Basically I wish I could stop thinking of him and loving him completly.He still calls and text I get excited, then when he comes over 2 a week for sex food sleep and get his clothes washed thats it no going out anymore since sept of my bday.He says he’s busy he moved on and I’m hurt jealous and angry. He keeps denying everything. I just wish I could forget about him.



  398.  #398Luzydel on December 2, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I am not feeling tension about men as much; sometimes that feeling comes back to haunt me, but I let it be then drop it.

    “For all the people I will know in a life time I am the only one I will never loose” – that is my motto. I will live my present as my forever. As a woman I tend to plan my future based on those expectations society formed for me; “I have to be sexually celibate, date only one man even if h doesn’t care about me, I have to have children at certain age, If I divorce I didn’t try hard enough, I am a woman so it is my fault”…. BS!!!

    I own my body, so I have sex if I want to, I do not need to date a man and wait for him because he isn’t ready, I own my life. I am not being a feminist, just loving myself. I do not like feeling the pressure in my chest, when a man plays hide and seek with me.

    I stopped playing that game, I just say here I am. Take it or leave it, but I am not going to seek you, so don’t waste your time hiding.



  399.  #399Luzydel on December 2, 2012 at 10:55 am

    @307

    Once you REALLY love someone, you cannot stop loving them. That doesn’t mean you allow them to hurt you. Just like a mother loves her children, but she is tough when they are dong something bad.

    Do you love yourself? If you do, the do not allow someone to use you. If this was me I will Just tell him I cannot longer tolerate this arrangement, because It feels painful. Tell him to stop contacting me and that I need space to heal. I can Miss him, love him, but never allow him to hurt me. Sometimes when we say we love someone, we do not really love them, because we cannot love someone more than we love ourselves…



  400.  #400Indigo on December 2, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Tereana 395

    I love your post.

    I am finding that these days, I can *sort of* control where my heart goes. But I couldn’t, or didn’t, in the past. I’m doing this by subtlely adjusting my focus off the guy, and how I feel about him, and onto how I feel in the moment, and whether it’s how I want to feel or not. I made a pact with myself, at the beginning of this circular dating thing, not to get emotionally invested in anyone until they have proven themselves over a long period of time, and my heart has been amazingly good at honouring this pact.

    It leaves me in a bit of a quandary however, because the part of me that “just loves” is a beautiful part of me, it’s a part of me that’s my creativity, it’s responsible for the incredible delight I feel in so many things. I allow this part of me to still exist in all its fullness, I allow it to feel the way it feels. I love it. I try to see it as separate from how I behave around guys though. I see it as a very beautiful, precious part of me in need of protection.

    Well, I am trying to anyway 😉



  401.  #401Indigo on December 2, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Luzydel 399

    This is a very wise post.

    Brenda, for me, Circular Dating was the only way out when I was in an unhealthy relationship where I still desperately loved the person. I feel that it may be for you too.

    It just helps you to shift your focus enough off them and onto you that you are not so wrapped up in how they are disappointing you. You start to see that there are other guys who are willing to give to you, and your self-esteem starts to soar, which is what you need right now.

    So, as much as you may not feel like it, perhaps get online, start smiling at strangers, get some hobbies, whatever works for you. But please don’t keep your attention fixated on this guy. Start to look at the world around you, start to notice how beautiful and fantastic you are. If you can, start to visualise some of that love you feel for him coming towards yourself. All of this was absolutely instrumental for me in moving forward 🙂

    (((hugs)))



  402.  #402Linda on December 2, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I read thru all of the comments on the last thread but have not all thru this one. I am behind for sure.

    I know Mercedes is not on here on the weekends but want to say that her voice here is helping me tremendously. SO a BIG THANKS! I know you are right about the right man coming into my life, my vibe and what I attract to myself.I feel good about that right now at least. I am learning from your sharing possible ways I can respond and live fully in the midst of a relationship when mine arrives. Keeping in mind too that you can not say the wrong thing to the right man gives me courage to speak and just be me in the midst of being with a man.

    My emotions have been all over the place since my last posts. After speaking my truth via email to the CD that is my favorite… I stayed leaned back… even though I wanted to contact him really bad and he said he would call but didn’t…. I leaned back. I also decided not make judgements and or decision right now. Some of this is really triggering things in me that need to be dealt with but not dismissed. Wisdom feels prudent but I am not going to shut my heart down.. which is where I could go soooo easliy.

    He is contacting me and I am choosing to drop my expectations and keep my heart open and receiving. I feel pretty certain that my timing and his just may not be the same… so I decided to NOT to do mental calastenics over any of it. SO when he text me instead of calling like he said he would I chose not to be angry I chose to respond with an unzippered heart again. How HARD this is for me. Where my true growing is right now. Just because this feels the same and I feel triggered it does NOT mean anything other than it FEELs the same. This man is a different man than the last one in my life and I am CHOOSING NOT to respond to him as if he were.

    This is where my energy and work is centered right now. If I dont get this right… I feel I will self sabatoge the relationship when MY MAN is in my life. Who knows THIS MAN could be MY MAN and I might push him away or not see him because he is not meeting my expectations or my timing which he frankly is NOT obligated to do. He certain feels like he is when I am with him… so intead of shutting down because of my junk…. I am choosing to stay open… even though he did not say.. lets talk about things… I made a choice to stay engaged and receive the energy he is bringing my me.

    So… he asked if we could spend the day together yesterday I said yes without stipulation or expectation, I am feeling open and receiving and will do that until it feels bad with him… and not old stuff triggered bad that has nothing to do with him but is all about me and old men in my life things….

    We did not talk about anything, I dropped my agenda and we just enjoyed each other. He was affectionate, loving, nurturing, thoughtful, giving, he reached out to hold my hand across the table at a fast food restaurant! … he reaches for my hand as we walk side by side.. he is complimentary to me.. he seems really happy to see me, kisses me passionately, seeks me, pulls me to him, sits close, is real…feel emotionally available and I feel realllly good in his presence. I cant tell you the last time a man came up behind me wrapped his arms around my waist and lingerly held me kissing me on the neck when I baked brownies…

    I actually feel like he is feeling his way around me. That is seeing how he feels with me and by me leaning back but warmly eagerly receiving what he brings to me he keeps giving more… Instead of comparing him to the other men I have known… I am choosing to experience him fresh and anew. If I lived comparing everything to my past men… I have totally missed this already… decide that he is not stepping up to my expectation and would have miss this.

    I have not fallen off my bridge… actually I feel like he has come up onto it with me at the moment. For now that feels nice.



  403.  #403Starbright on December 2, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Linda,

    It sounds like you are really growing! It feels refreshing to hear your new thoughts! Yeah you!!!



  404.  #404k2012 on December 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Thanks for your comments, ladies. What are feeling messages? I am not quite clear on that.



  405.  #405Linda on December 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Starbright Thank YOU….

    I feel like I am on a roller coaster at times…

    Thrilling, scarey all at the same time but at least this time I am on the coaster and not standing by watching . Going down some of these big drops feels overwhelming at the moment. It is also cleansing and exhilirating.

    —-

    I think I am going to feel my way thru men… after all who wants to give to a woman who puts more value and emphasis on what a man did not do instead of what he did. I certainly would want to give to a receiver instead of a expecter wouldnt you?



  406.  #406Linda on December 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    K2012 – a Feeling Message (FM often abreviated here on the blog) is a simply saying how your feel.

    Instead of saying.. It is good to see you
    YOu could say…. It feels really wonderful to spend time with you.

    I said yesterday…. Your kisses delight me… instead of You are a good kisser… etc.

    THe key is to be turned into your feelings and out of your head. Boy energy thinks and speaks tha way

    Feminine energy communicates and expresses itself thru feelings .



  407.  #407Linda on December 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Speaking of feeling messages….I have a CD that I really like but he has yet to really linger and give me a kiss.

    When the opportunity presents itself I am going to say outloud. It would feel really nice to experience a kiss with you. or… it would feel really nice to kiss you right now.



  408.  #408Daria on December 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    im feeling triggered

    i had an interesting conversation with 19man last nite

    i want to heal my trigger

    it feels confusing and obsessive

    ((((Daria)))))



  409.  #409Daria on December 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    k2012 – it will help a lot to get Rori’s book, its only $20 and has the basics (feeling messages are in there).

    It will save about a year’s worth of trouble – in my perception – compared to just poking around (tho that’s always valuable).

    I hope you can afford it! You’ll be blown away once you start practicing…



  410.  #410Daria on December 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    whoa i feel triggered!

    MOTHERS ARE NOT ‘TOUGH’ WHEN CHILDREN ARE DOING SOMETHING ‘BAD’.

    THAT IS A WOuND PATTERN!

    THANK YOU DARIA!!!!

    i wonder what actualyl triggered in me that i wanted to ‘cover it up’ with my better feeling belief. hhmmm



  411.  #411Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Calypso – wow! i feel so empowered! this is a sign for me that I’m healing my recent discovery that i say “who cares” when i’m feeling upset and triggered and helpless about a situation …. and… I Do care! I’ve just recently started catching it and saysing wow! i went to ‘who cares’ again how interesting … what im really feeling is hopeless and angry…



  412.  #412k2012 on December 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I made an error by saying Virginia Carter. It should be Virginia Clarke.



  413.  #413Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Brenda – the first thing would be to no longer allow him to get sex, food, sleep, and laundry done at your house

    before that changes nothing much will change.

    once you;re able to have boundaries that way – and say NO – ALL your relationships will improve forever. You will receive what you can say YES to

    unfortunately if you allow yourself to not have boundaries, not only this situation but any subsequent relationship will … well… suck

    You have some work to do on that, and this is the place to get support while doing it



  414.  #414Linda on December 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I am just going to feel here…

    I want to turn my feeling needy right now to something productive.

    But I like these feelings too Because I had so much fun and such a good time yesterday.. I just simply want more. It is “man crack” I know. It would feel amazing to be desired right now.

    I want to lean forward… flirt but I dont need to and wont… I like knowing understanding what to act on and not. I did not know this stuff before here. I feel more stable and able to understand me and how to nagivate the world of me and men and dating.

    I am giving myself permission to say I want more… but I dont have to act on it. Who knows I might even rock star it here in a bit. I dont know. My CD yesterday said I had permission to… well I wont type that here but he certainly is a delish man on every level. If I feel rockstarish and not needy later I will act I have to feel my way though that too. This man sent me a text this morning that said “have a good day baby”…. Boy I wish he was wanting to be together again today, tomorrow, and the next and next. sheew definately man crack…

    I doesnt feel bad to want to feel good again. Being a siren to when it comes and receiving it would feel even more amazing.



  415.  #415Linda on December 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I keep thinking about MissStyx.. and the relationship she has now and how it started.

    I love feeling chemistry with a man.. hot an heavy chemistry There are so many men that reallllly turn me off. So one that does … woo hoo



  416.  #416Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    i feel trembly, kinda spacy, and in my head

    i love my feelings



  417.  #417Linda on December 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I want a relationship and that… not just the chemistry. I feela good alive though. I want my phone to ring.

    Can you will it? HA!



  418.  #418k2012 on December 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Daria, u mean the book,”Have the Relationship you want?” Its $20 for it now. I didn’t know that.



  419.  #419Smile on December 2, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Linda, I love reading about your CDs



  420.  #420Belle on December 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    415

    Linda, the more I practice the tools the more juicy and sexy I feel with all kinds of men.

    I initiate “adventure” dates with 2 women friends of mine, I set one up for a couple of weeks from now to go to a redneck Wal-Mart in the backwoods to walk around with unzippered hearts practicing eye contact and being sireny to show them how much more interesting it makes life. I have had experiences of delicious intimacy being present and making eye contact with the cashier at the convenience store….I’m oozing sexiness and more and more the whole world is my lover.

    It takes SO much pressure off of finding the “right” guy and less and less I feel the need to latch on to the guy with the “chemistry”. Though I will admit, he was my launch!



  421.  #421Belle on December 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    415

    Linda, the more I practice the tools the more juicy and sexy I feel with all kinds of men.

    I initiate “adventure” dates with 2 women friends of mine, I set one up for a couple of weeks from now to go to a redneck Wal-Mart in the backwoods to walk around with unzippered hearts practicing eye contact and being sireny to show them how much more interesting it makes life. I have had experiences of delicious intimacy being present and making eye contact with the cashier at the convenience store….I’m oozing sexiness and more and more the whole world is my lover.

    It takes SO much pressure off of finding the “right” guy and less and less I feel the need to latch on to the guy with the “chemistry”. Though I will admit, he was my launch!



  422.  #422Starbright on December 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Oh Belle, an adventure date practicing the tools sounds like fun! Wish I could join you! I guess that means it would be a fun thing to plan with a friend! Thanks for the idea.



  423.  #423Smile on December 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Ive really not mastered this dating more than one guy

    I feel nervous to go on incase I see he is online

    He’s been texting me lots.

    It feels nice. I’m being open and vulnerable.

    Eek



  424.  #424Smile on December 2, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Attraction… I’ve never met aguy I like everything about so far that I’ve not felt physical attraction to…

    Being open to other guys I wouldn’t have normally shown interest in has felt surprising to me.



  425.  #425Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    k2012 – yup 🙂 it’s always been 20$.

    20$ that changed my life! yum 🙂



  426.  #426Daria on December 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    im starting to feel more open to NannyCD. i feel curious wht it will feel like in person, as on the phone i noticed i feel more turned on w him than in person sometimes (probably due to his ‘reverie’ moments where i feel turned off and abandoned)



  427.  #427Emoticon on December 2, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Thanks Daria, Im about to go through the ebook again.

    It really helps me to go through it every few months to keep in tip top Siren shape. I can’t wait to get Modern Siren.



  428.  #428Linda on December 2, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Belle… how interesting. I do the eye contact thing alot…it has helped me be more open.

    Yesterday as I ate with my CD he was watching me eat and smiling…. I started to feel a bit self conscious… but sunk into my feeling at that moment and looked back at him… locking myself on his gaze. Oooooh what a tingle of electricity ran between us. He says things like “you are so cute” which honestly I am thinking…”I am 53 years old “cute” is not a descriptive word of I think of as myself. But he has used sexy and beautiful too… maybe my the little girl in me appeals to his little boy inside and describes more than looks to him.

    I stopped looking for the right guy… I have just dropped agenda, expectations and just started being out of my head and just tryto feel thru my dates and it has affected my enjoyment level 100 fold.

    I dont feel like I am latching on the man that I feel chemistry with.. actually he helps keep generate it. At times he just cant keep his hands and lips off me.
    It is hard to not love that and desire it…. he is the most handsome, gorgeous man I have met in a long long long time.

    Because he is still has his profile up… I am keeping it real. I do not have an imaginary relationship with him. He is real when he is in front of me and I am ready and yes very willing to receive what he brings to me. His energy is delish and I feel safe and calm, uninhibited and unguarded with him. He does embody the things I am looking for in a partner. I do wish he was calling an staying in touch more…that breeds a bit of doubt that he is totally leaning my way but time will only be the teller of that tale. But I can hope!



  429.  #429crushed on December 2, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Yesterday my guy called and invited me to a property he’s helping clear out (basically its a block wide garage sale) because he thought Id like going through some of the stuff. He and the guys sat around for a bit and I became engrossed in a huge book of “Pricing Antiques.” I happened to show up with KFC so I was a hit with everyone LOL. Two nights before I wanted to drop $20 off to my guy because I owed it to a mutual friend and he was going to be working there the next day. I had left him 30 minutes earlier and when I returned from the bank he and his friend had left. I drove home but decided to swing by the local country bar and yep that’s where they were, playing pool. I explained the $20 and he asked if Id like to join them for a drink but I declined and went home. Yesterday out of the blue he asked “Hey the other day how did you know we would be at the bar?” I said well you both had been moving greasy motors all day and basically you were filthy… you wouldn’t have gone far looking like that.” He said “Yea we did look pretty rough… my friend tried convincing me that maybe you were meeting somebody else there.” I got a chuckle out of that.



  430.  #430Femininewoman on December 2, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Calypso did JC contact you again about the weekend away?



  431.  #431Linda on December 2, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Due to the fact that the men I have been dating all have their profiles up and none of them are really stepping up to claim me… I dont feel any are really serious about me. No matter how much the one CD seems around me… I in the back of my head and heart I feel that he does not really mean any of what he is saying or doing with me.

    I am actually wondering how a man gets to the place where he wants to take his profile down. I know that is thinky and his stuff. But would like to know if there is anything I can do or be that would inspire that!

    Any body have any experience with that?



  432.  #432Goddess Lily on December 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    I want more quality CDs. I want more fun dates. I want attraction as well as caring, masculine and sexy but also attentive and loyal. I will have that. Soon 🙂



  433.  #433Daria on December 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    I love the moon. I feel excited thinking about seeing her tonite.



  434.  #434Daria on December 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    I loved my energy yesterday. Thank you 🙂



  435.  #435Annie on December 2, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    431: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Due to the fact that the men I have been dating all have their profiles up and none of them are really stepping up to claim me… I dont feel any are really serious about me. No matter how much the one CD seems around me… I in the back of my head and heart I feel that he does not really mean any of what he is saying or doing with me.

    I am actually wondering how a man gets to the place where he wants to take his profile down. I know that is thinky and his stuff. But would like to know if there is anything I can do or be that would inspire that!

    Any body have any experience with that?

    When he asks for sex. Give him your whtever your authentic FM want don’t want speech is around this if you want to move forward with him too that you want from a man a relationship around this.

    What do you want? Agreement to sexual exclusivity and he only dates you etc but you cd until you get offered everything you want re marriage? living together? what ever it is you want.
    And don’t sleep with him unless you are on the same page and he wants to give you what you want.



  436.  #436Daria on December 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I’m used to NannyCD as a gf, like Rori says when he doesn’t hit on me till I am sure I want that it feels like gfs (u don’t want that, she says)

    I feel scared to open up sexually ti him I feel scared of him being a ‘male’ w me like that I’m not used to it yet as I’ve only glimpsed it a few times

    Very interesting practice here



  437.  #437Vi on December 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    This get down to the floor and feel your sadness tool uncovered anger! Thank you tool, thank you me for doing it for me. I feel much much better now.



  438.  #438Linda on December 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    what is the noGravitar says thing? There is a sentence there that does not make any sense.

    I dont know if not having sex with someone is the key to getting what you want. Why does it always boil down to that? I am sure there are lots of women out here that did and get the relationship too.

    I am processing out loud here. I feel a bit triggered here goes back to my upbringing.. and the phrase of “dont be one of those girls” I have been there and done that and did not have sex and still did not get the relationship I wanted. I was a virgin when I got married and actually wish I had slept with him before I got married. I probably would not have… it was a very unfulfilling relationship that way.

    I want a great relationship and great sex..and get what you want.



  439.  #439Belle on December 2, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    To clarify, I meant to show my friends how much more interesting life can be. They are TERRIFIED to use FM’s with their hubbies and I feel tired of listening to the same old stories of stuff that never gets resolved so I am the ‘wild, single, instigator’ 🙂 What’s funny is, I instigate, but then they take whatever we end up doing past my comfort level so it’s good for all 3 of us 😀 I can’t be in their homes holding their hands coaching them through FM’s but I can dare them to go to Wal-Mart and practice them, muahahahaha!!!

    422
    Starbright
    Haha we’re in our 40’s and 50’s, so it doesn’t take much to feel like adventure. This past week, we went to a trampoline jump place, that has big inflated slides and long 125ft. trampolines. We broke the rules and got on the “age 7 and under” slide and trampolines because we had the whole place to ourselves, cuz we’re wild daredevils like that, lol.

    Linda
    It sounds like you are in a WAY better space than I have been! I love that you seem so grounded. I’ve only had 3 with BIG chemistry, but 2 of them rocked my WORLD and brought up more sh*t and opened my heart and my sexuality more than all of the others combined. They are yummy!



  440.  #440Annie on December 2, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Hi linda, not sure what the no gravatar thing is.

    If you have sex with him and give him what he wants and you don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who is dating other women and has and is on online dating sites why would he give you what you want when he is already getting what he wants? He doesn’t have to and your actions show him that you are willing to have sex with him even though he is dating and actively seeking other woman. That is not a man who is zeroing in on you that’s a man who is then getting his cake and eating it,.
    If it is authentic and it doesn’t bother you that he is sleeping with you then that wouldn’t be a problem.
    Your question was how to inspire him to take down his dating profile and that is my answer. If you don’t agree that would inspire him I respect that.



  441.  #441Annie on December 2, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Linda I don’t know any women who have got the relationship that they wanted if they agreed to have sex with a man whilst he dated other women and they didn’t really want him to date other women.
    Those women are just not being true to themselves and taking care of themselves and are putting the mans needs before their own and are obviously not on the same page as the man if that happens.



  442.  #442Annie on December 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    I feel misunderstood as I did not say do not sleep with him until you are married.



  443.  #443Linda on December 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I understood you.

    Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be on the other side of the coin and sleep with a man just because it would feel awesome. No game playing just great sex like a rockstar… not that I could pull that off but am wondering though.

    I dont want this man to date others and even though I have given him my feeling message want dont want statement… he continues to want to date me. I dont want to feel like I am dangleing a carrot.. I just want to be wanted.

    I guess if I did sleep with a man like this… When I walked away after the experience I would still have my self respect and still going forward for my goal. It would just be a sexual experience. Who knows maybe the man would desire what he could not have more of. HA! I dont know anymore.



  444.  #444Tam on December 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I feel sick.
    I spent all day with exbf and his friends.
    It was a nice day.
    I feel sick.
    I feel exhausted and he was telling me all these things that make it clear he wants me.
    He is a nice man. And I am going to hang around him because I feel wanted.
    And I feel that, since I can’t have love, maybe I am supposed to be loved instead and just accept it.
    Whatever feels good for now….I feel hard done by because things with the man I love did not work out and feels like they never will and I feel like some sad tragic heroing or something who finally realises she won’t even have the one whe wants but she might settle for someone who really wants her.
    I am sick of pining.
    I am sick of believing someone loves me.
    I might just go with the guy who does, who knows.
    Numb.



  445.  #445Linda on December 2, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    I want to be desired and have the relationship I want. I should add



  446.  #446Tam on December 2, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    I hate this. I hate people who clearly love each other and things work out for them. I feel cheated by this life, for meeting and falling for someone who will never be able to give me what I want.
    This never happened to me before, I don’t want this. I want to re-wind and never have met him.
    I hate this so much and I want this to end now.



  447.  #447Tam on December 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    I am just going to be a trooper and get on with it.
    There is nothing else to do.
    Deep breath and get on with it.



  448.  #448Linda on December 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Tam the day you wrote about the end of your relationship with MrP was heart wrenching.
    To read, that kind of experience is not what any of us want to live thru

    How would just feeling thru you interactions with this man who says he wants you feel. Maybe something would grow?



  449.  #449Annie on December 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Big hugs Tam.

    Are you feeling able to process and look for the message.

    Also re reading help advice from the thread posted here in what to do to help.



  450.  #450Linda on December 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    I have been in a relationship with a man who lived with me.. was giving me more than I ever dreamed of and.. after a year and half found out he was living a double life and seeing other women behind my back. That was the end of that

    I wonder how any of us ever really know what a man is thinking a really doing. Frightens me actually.



  451.  #451Tam on December 2, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Thanks Annie and Linda.
    I feel exhaused from processing.
    I feel sick, just sick to think I might have to settle for someone who wants me badly…because it feels like I can’t have what I really want. And it makes me feel sick. Maybe that is as good as it gets for me.
    Actually physically sick, I feel, because I have been at this point before – and I went with this man once before…and I dropped him like a hot potato when it seemed trhat MrP stepped up. But now I know that he won’t/can’t/isn’t ever going to. That is the worst feeling ever, to feel so hopeless. But in some ways it makes me shrug my shoulders also. And there is nothing I can do.
    I am just going to take it as it comes.
    I will get through this.



  452.  #452Linda on December 2, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Maybe I just dont know how to get what I want other than just feeling your way thru, offerning yourself grace when things dont turn out the way they appear they are going to. I certainly am not an expert on getting what I want. There are so many variables.



  453.  #453Tam on December 2, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    It is what it is. I don’t want a man who doesn’t want me 100%. That’s all I know.
    Aside from that, I know nothing anymore. I don’t believe in love anymore either. At all.
    How cynic of me, but it is the truth. What can I say?
    I believe in friendship though and I love my friends.
    Romantic love? It’s all a load of bollocks and hormones and bs, that is how I feel.



  454.  #454Tam on December 2, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    I feel grateful for my apartment. I love my apartment and how it makes me feel every time I enter it. I feel like coming home and I feel relieved.
    I feel grateful for my friends and my beach.
    I feel grateful for the sunshine and for today, being able to watch boats and jazz bands play.
    I feel happy and grateful to be alive.
    Writing this makes me feel even more grateful of all the things I have.



  455.  #455Daria on December 2, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I’m feign excited… 🙂 I’m starting to smell again after being stuffy n not snelling.

    I feel do good w this sickness!

    I’ve been eating very little, abd all organic. I took a probiotic and… Maybe my huge energy was from being rested… I want to experiment with sleeping even more proactively than I have already been practicing. 🙂 I’ve felt SoGood the last two days.

    I want to experiment with sleeping early.

    🙂

    When I get in my head I find a living being like bush and relate to each other as pulsing living brings… Then I feel so fresh abd deep. Life feels good 🙂



  456.  #456LoveAlways on December 2, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    I am inviting new energy into my life now. Embracing my own energies tonight – all eight chakras – indeed. Higher vibration internally. Internalizing love, and it’s deep deep deep. This is a curious energy to explore. I feel intrigued with love within myself and how powerful it is. Love resonates in me. It flows throughout me. It is, simply, my feminine energy.

    Namaste

    LoveAlways



  457.  #457Janie Baby on December 2, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Linda,

    I feel scared too about your story about living with a guy while he was cheating..

    I feel scared to fall deeply in love and have the man be cheating. I want the love I used to have a couple years ago. … I feel bored and unfulfilled with my boyfriend. When I see him, I feel good and fun, but I used to feel SOOO much love for him and when we would have sex Iw as so in it and it was like a spiritual experience. Now, it’s good in the beggining and sometime in the middle, I feel I get bored and just start thinking about other things…He seems bored too.

    It feels good to talk about this without feeling pain. This is nice. I feel good. I feel powerful. Even though I’m not getting what I want from a man, I feel loving towards me. I’m excited about the new acting program I am doing in a month. I feel great about going to yoga alot more and dancing…

    I feel good. I feel a little fearful and doubtful of my good mood as the insecurity always seems to attack me like a wild, ravaged beast in the night,, but for now I’ll enjoy my good mood!!



  458.  #458Janie Baby on December 2, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Also I feel curious about something. Rori says if you are in college, it’s okay to be exclusive in relationships to practice since usually people aren’t looking for marriage…

    This is true I don’t want marriage.. but how do you deal with the man’s level of commitment in the relationsihp going away?

    I don’t want to go out and date other men. I’m really busy and am not looking for marriage… I’m just looking for the same love and commitment he used to give me..and now he doesn’t follow through with promises to call me, etc..slacking off. It doesn’t bother me as much anymore. I’ve put more focus on myself… But was just wondering how to deal with it in this way…



  459.  #459Linda on December 2, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    actually now that I think of it my vibe and energy level has really been zapped and pulled at by men this week.

    I feel a bit angry about it right now actually. I just had a conversation with one of my CD’s. I feel like he is testing me. He was all excited to see me again after our intial meeting and then got an email two days later saying that he had changed his mind and he wished me the best on my search. No clue why… OK FINE… I wrote him being authentic…and then a day later he started texting me again. Said he decided he was actually hasty… ok… whatever !
    Now when we talk.. I feel like he is testing me.. telling me how to feel, get in better spirits.. He asked me why I have had an up and down week …So I decided to be honest and I asked him tonight why he did that.. he said he was not prepared to answer the question. Well, that his is sh*T. Not mine… But I feel closed to him now. I am tired of being judged for things and feel scrutinized and I dont even know what about.

    I feel disinterested in him now. It does not feel good.



  460.  #460Vi on December 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    I’ve got my first not a push-up bra. I don’t feel sexier in it, for me it feels like another milestone of my own self acceptance.



  461.  #461Linda on December 2, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    I am going to bed… and going to invite new energy into my sleep.

    Janie baby… relationships have seasons. Communication is key. You are on the right track though.. do things that enhance you and feel good to you.

    Try not to be afraid there are great men out there.



  462.  #462sunshine on December 2, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Janie Baby I totally know how you feel! I have a boyfriend too and it feel hard sometimes. hes becoming distant and almost as if he doesnt even care about me. what im doing is my own version of circular dating which is hanging out with friends and doing fun activities, Im really working on boundaries as well I told him he can only see me if we coordinate ahead of time- I did this because he was taking for granted how available I was. I feel better with these improvements but at the end of the day I cant help but wonder could circular dating be the healthiest thing for me? im still 50/50 about it…
    I just feel so angry today he texted me at 1 pm asking how i am and what im up to. I answered doing well and getting ready for the day, and asked him how hes doing…he never replied!!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



  463.  #463Iamabutterfly on December 2, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Jack CD is definitely interested in her. I can tell. but he’s still curious about me…I think.

    but I feel hopeless, because I have no idea what I’m doing, and she’s been engaged before, of all things.

    also, she just has that peaceful vibe about her, that I haven’t had in a long, long time.

    I feel embarssed, immature, sad, and defeated.

    and I like her.

    She’s a good girl.

    It just…hurts.

    I feel…defeated and sad and stupid, but hopeful.

    I feel small and not good enough.
    I feel used and abandoned and selfish and fearful.

    I feel guilty.

    I need a hug. 🙁



  464.  #464Janie Baby on December 2, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    (((iamabutterfly)))
    It feels good to here that you can see the good in her even if it hurts. This shows to me that you are positive, mature a loving person. I feel sad to hear you talking badly about yourself but I also understand because I feel the same way alot of the time.

    Sunshine,
    yes it’s so frustrating! i feel trapped sometimes… and i just feel like it’s been to long to have some sort of talk where i say i want to date other people but him too. PLUS i don’t have time to DATE other people nor do i want to date really. i just love him so i’m with him… but yes he does the same kind of stuff to me. i might have to set up a similar boundary because i feel like he’s taking me for granted as well and how available i am. we used to have a life here together and were each other’s best friends, but i left for 6 months so he created a new life and i came back and didn’t have my own yet … so i’m kind of too available for him.. now i’m starting to have my own interests…but yes i feel your pain. it sucks when your own boyfriend won’t respond to your texts whereas previously they would respond after a few minutes.



  465.  #465Janie Baby on December 2, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    Leaning back is frustrating because sometimes I wanna just call him and over and be like WHYYY ARENT YOU TREATING ME THE SAME

    but hte nice thing is you get to see how they step up or lack of..

    that’s what i’ve been doing and now i just feel kind of bored. so instead of feeling sad and thinking what’s wrong with me.. i feel like he’s losing MY attention.



  466.  #466Indigo on December 2, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    In two and a half years, my ex and I have never gone two days straight without communication. Last night I thought that might happen. I heard nothing on Saturday, and though he was online the whole of Sunday, I heard nothing. I went to bed, thinking this is a first, sad but resigned and kind of ok.

    Then I saw this morning that he messaged me just after 10 pm, a few minutes after I went to bed. Like almost in the nick of time.

    Strange.



  467.  #467Janie Baby on December 2, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    Indigo, I always have found that when I have resigned to a hope … it always happens as soon as I have given up on it…

    I wonder why the universe does this.



  468.  #468Daria on December 2, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Woke up to THe Giant Conversation

    With earth as a big fish



  469.  #469Tereana on December 2, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Tam – 229. Yes, you are right, honesty is a pretty big issue. It’s a big issue for me, too. And especially if you know a guy not to be totally honest. Then you can’t really trust him or hope for a “change.” And what starts as something small will tend to snowball…I’m sure you know what I mean.

    And your statement about making guys who want you the main criteria – thanks for pointing that out. I think that’s been one of my operating principles, and that’s made me think a lot about that. It feels good for a while. But it doesn’t really have anything to do with “who the guy is” underneath. So it might not be the best way to “choose” (since it isn’t really much of a choice, either – it has to do with them.)

    *sigh* I am feeling much more “ready” for relationship these days. But now, of course, there is no one there for me to “choose” to be with.

    My thoughts and sometimes feelings keep floating back to guys I’ve dated in the past, recently, or further back, and not really pining for them, but just considering – what if they were present right now? But they are not. And mostly, when I look back, I notice that there is good reason.

    Still waiting on my best guy…I know he’ll be around soon

    (fyi, on a weird (un)related note, I actually set an online dating profile to “looking for women.” I thought I would feel so authentic doing that, and yet I don’t. no one has messaged me yet. Nor do I have any “crushes” on any women online. I more just check their profiles to see if they are cool or not. I still feel interested in men…so I guess dating women is not “my thing” after all. Back to the drawing board….)



  470.  #470Smile on December 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Linda,

    This was my email from cc yesterday, it seemed to feel helpful about what you were asking about relationships moving forward so I though I’d re post. Ps the no gravatar sentence is a picture. If it has been copied and pasted it won’t show it on here.

    Guy Code For I’m Ready For A Relationship
    Did you know that becoming exclusive with a man is just 1 of a few important steps in building a truly loving, committed relationship?

    It is.

    What’s more… If you’re dating a guy and you haven’t talked about being exclusive or not — did you know that you need to assume that what you have is NOT exclusive?

    This is true for men.

    And until you understand WHY men are this way, and what it means about how to talk with your man… odds are you’ll make some of the big mistakes trying to move into a committed relationship, and he’ll pull away.

    Don’t let that happen – when finding out and using what works (and is more fun for you) can be easy. Here’s the thing…

    I want to share something with you that has the power to change the way you look at relationships and help you magnetically attract the man you’re just “dating” to where he will be the one asking you for more in your relationship.

    I’ll start by sharing this…

    Stage #1: COURTSHIP

    You meet a man and you both connect and are attracted to each other.

    While you talk to get to know each other, you don’t actually talk directly about all the things you really want, think and feel about each other.

    In fact, more of what is happening is dictated by Non-Verbal Communication than it is by actual verbal communication.

    In this stage, it’s determined which of 2 “Roles” you will take on as a woman.

    In one role you become the CONVINCER. You are the one subtly making sure you spend time together, making sure plans come together… and pursuing HIM in one way or another.

    It can also happen that you don’t become the Convincer, but instead take on the role of the RESISTOR.

    The Resistor resists largely in part simply BECAUSE the other person is playing the role of the Convincer.

    When one person starts to “Convince,” the natural human response is to begin to Resist.

    Here’s why this happens… We have lots of conscious and unconscious social and emotional rules and “roles” that are wired up inside us from birth.

    When you meet someone, whether you’re conscious of it or not, both of you take on roles that relate to each other.

    A great example is the Leader/Follower roles.

    Next time you’re in a group setting, whether at work or at a social event, I want you to look for and notice that a Leader always develops in a group.

    The Leader can lead very subtly, but they dictate the way other people talk and behave — including how serious or not serious others are.

    When a Leader emerges, there’s a silent and unspoken non-verbal process that takes place where all the others in the group become Followers.

    Humans don’t have to try and figure out these roles and discuss or decide who will be the Leader, and if and when others will Follow.

    It just happens in a few split seconds on a very subtle unconscious level. Well, to connect the dots for you… The same kind of thing happens between you and a man.

    And it happens without either of you even consciously discussing or deciding upon the Roles you’re going to play.

    One of the most powerful things you can do in your life and in your relationships is to become more CONSCIOUS and aware of what Roles you are playing…

    And how those are affecting you, your life, and your relationships.

    When you become conscious and you start to CHOOSE the roles you want to play — suddenly you have a lot of personal and creative power. Especially in your love life.

    In the Courtship phase, being aware of what roles can play out, and how to attract a man so that he PURSUES YOU, is the thing that really spells success or failure.

    If a man enjoys the role he gets to play with you, and he grows more physically and emotionally attracted to you the more he gets to know you… Your relationship will move to the next stage.

    Stage #2: THE UNCOMMITTED RELATIONSHIP

    Did you know that before you have a committed and exclusive relationship with a man that you will have to spend time with him in an Uncommitted Relationship?

    Most women try to ignore this stage and pretend it doesn’t existing because it makes them uncomfortable, and they don’t know how to navigate it.

    But it’s a reality when you date a man… Ignore it at your own peril.

    To help you understand this stage, this is that “in-between” stage… where you’ll be more curious, and maybe even most “triggered” by how a man is acting and what it all means.

    This stage is also where all the opportunity lies in creating the early foundation for a wildly romantic and open and honest relationship…

    Or…

    For setting your relationship up to fail and having the wheels come off so your relationship does nowhere.

    There’s 1 single all-important question I ask women as it relates to this stage and setting up the right foundation to move into a loving committed relationship. The question is…

    “How will you handle it when you feel at your most VULNERABLE with a man?”… when you’re feeling uncertain where things are headed, and you’re not sure if you can really trust him yet.

    If something happens that hurts your feelings and makes you feel unappreciated and it’s time for you to communicate… HOW will you respond? With love or pain and anger? Will you withdraw from him to a safer place and shut him out?

    I hope that what you’re noticing here is that YOU will get signs about what kind of roles you’ll take on, and you’ll be asked to show up as a good partner long before you actually have a “Committed Relationship.”

    How you are with the man you’re with through this and how you respond has EVERYTHING to do with whether a man will choose to want to love and commit himself to you, or not.

    Stage #3: THE COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP

    I want you to take a second and realize something…

    Now that I’ve shown you the first 2 stages on the way to a fully committed relationship, you already know a lot more about what a committed relationship actually is.

    A committed relationship is a relationship of CHOICE, not of obligation.

    You and a man have met and you’ve been through your “courtship” where you kind of felt your way around in the dark starting to get to know each other.

    You sent and received a lot of non-verbal cues which told you a lot about each other, and you either conscious or unconsciously took on a kind of subtle Role.

    Then you started to grow even closer and explore the space of being more close and intimate. However… you still weren’t “together” and so you were actually in what I call an Uncommitted Relationship.

    Knowing that there is such a thing as an Uncommitted Relationship is going to change the way you look at moving towards and creating a Committed Relationship.

    (And help you create the right relationship at the same time — not just any relationship.)

    You should also know that there is a RIGHT way to move into a committed relationship with a man… And there are lots of WRONG ways.

    How and why a man commits is one of the single best determinants of whether a relationship will last and be loving over the long run, or not.

    If you don’t know how to both move into an Exclusive space with a man (to set the stage for a more committed relationship)…and you don’t know how to actually talk through the making of a real and true COMMITMENT with a man… often times things will backfire and he’ll withdraw.



  471.  #471Tereana on December 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Indigo – That’s beautiful! 🙂 (400)



  472.  #472Daria on December 2, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    The awesomest name in the world

    From eureka

    Yuwrykah.

    Hella dope I want that for my child.



  473.  #473Smile on December 2, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    Terena and tam

    I picked this out from the cc email about. It stood out from what you were saying

    “A committed relationship is a relationship of CHOICE, not of obligation.”



  474.  #474Iamabutterfly on December 2, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    @463 Janine Baby – Thanks, sweet girl. It feels so nice to have your support.

    I feel unsure of how I feel, too.

    I just wish I would’ve communicated more & been more secure in myself, instead of shutting down, feeling angry and scared when i should’ve felt excited, been a little more thankful, a little slower to speak about some things, slower to critizize, listening more, serving more. Yes, I said serving more. Serving in response to everything he did for me.

    No matter what happens, I will always feel so thankful for him. It was beautiful to chased by him, to see him get jealous, to make me feel like the prize I truly am when other men were vying for my attention and he hated it. 😉

    It felt beautiful to let him see me in a way I’ve never let any man see me; authentic, imperfect, and scared, and to see the change and influence I had on him as well.

    He is a wonderful man. Deep, Complex, Strong, flawed, intuitive, patient, gentle, affectionate, peaceful, compassionate, and willing to make changes just to make me feel better.

    I don’t know what’s going to happen.

    I do know that I don’t want to compete for him with another good girl. She may just be a better fit for him, and that’s okay. If he’s not my guy, there’s a better fit down the road, I’m sure.

    but I do know that I love him.

    admitting that to myself is huge.

    and I may lose him yet.

    but I will always love him.

    and I will always love ME.

    because He first loved me…



  475.  #475Tereana on December 2, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Awww. I feel super tr*ggered by reading CC’s words. And I love Christian Carter. I don’t think it’s “him” – I think it’s “me.” I think the idea of “commitment” scares me and triggers lots of scary feelings – right alongside the NV scary feeling of “I can’t commit, I don’t have the capacity, I’m not good enough to do that stuff” yada yada.

    I feel compassion for my tr*ggered feelings. It must mean that there is more left there to heal…

    And I guess I’m not “ready” yet.

    But I’m suddenly wondering if “readiness” is what I need. Maybe I don’t need to be “ready” for it when it happens. Maybe I just need to be able to choose it and go with it when it shows up – whether I truly feel “ready” for it or not. (And I could have – if I’m honest – done that many times over by now.) Like anything in life (like kids!) maybe the big things are things that we can’t ever really be “ready” for….

    What do you ladies think?



  476.  #476Iamabutterfly on December 2, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Tereana, I’m not sure what I think.

    but that felt so authentic and I felt connected to you, and moved reading it.

    ((((Tereana))))



  477.  #477Janie Baby on December 2, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    The only thing worse than not getting want we want is getting what we want.



  478.  #478Teart on December 2, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    #395 Thanks Tereana…I feel happy reading that…



  479.  #479Heart on December 2, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Thanks Tereana…I feel happy reading that…



  480.  #480Tereana on December 3, 2012 at 1:03 am

    Tam – every time I read your posts, I am struck by the parallels in our situations. The details are different. But around the same time – within 24 hours, I believe – we both had crappy experiences with guys that propelled us to think of ourselves and our relationships in new ways.

    For sure it doesn’t feel great, but at least for me, the rocket fuel from my experience seems to really be getting me somewhere. Lol

    I love this that you wrote: “if we as women can be a little more flexible, the good stuff does show up”

    Can I tattoo that one onto the inside of my eyelids???

    Seriously.

    But tonight, I think I just hit a special kind of wall. It is, perhaps, the outer edge of the cage I’ve been living in that’s called “nice girl.” and I am so afraid of leaving that cage, because someone might say that I am a “bad girl.” but what of it?

    Suddenly I see this as “boring.” SYG said that I was “a good person.” f*ck being a good person. I don’t want to be “good.” I want to be loved.



  481.  #481Scarlet on December 3, 2012 at 1:20 am

    Ok, enough whining from me. (well today anyway). I feel like i’ve had enough. Enough of allowing someone who doesn’t want me to rule my moods. I’m sick of wondering where he is, what he is doing, why he doesn’t love me enough, hoping he’ll call, hoping he’ll step up. ENOUGH.

    I am now making a conscious decision to STOP putting my energy there. I am going to make myself better.



  482.  #482Daria on December 3, 2012 at 2:01 am

    I had a really great date w Nanny CD . I’m starting to be able to let him in.

    I’m also so much more comfortable talking about sex – in general since practicing w PimpCD a few nights ago.

    I’m creating way more intimacy by sharing directly what’s going on w me rather than hiding to ‘be coy.’

    Whew

    :). My time feels so fulfilling

    He’s like w u it feels so peaceful and relaxing and fun.



  483.  #483Dee on December 3, 2012 at 2:32 am

    Thanks Serenity and Rori and others who responded to my post.

    Well, the mix up was that after he had waited an hour for the first meeting, we agreed to meet after he had dropped off his son at work at 11:00 am. But then he went with his other son to get hunting supplies for their trip that night.

    I think he intended to meet me, but his son probably urged him to do what was necessary for the trip. My feeling is that he felt guilty because he didn’t handle it right — he should have just called me and said he was sorry, but he couldn’t meet me that day, after all. Perhaps he didn’t want to face me blaming him so avoided the phone. However he did text (while in a hunting stand) and perhaps my mistake was referring to the incident in any way by text.

    I reread all our text conversations and just cannot believe this ending: we were so connected. He even said he thought we were blessed and that it was kismet, that he had prayed he would meet his soulmate, and felt he had. He said my honesty with my feelings (I had been practicing Rori’s techniques) touched his heart. He volunteered that he could be as soft as butter, and could be hurt, but wasn’t the jealous type. He wanted me to write him a letter after our first meeting. I asked “Supposing everything goes great?” To which he replied “And why wouldn’t they, Ms. Sceptical. lol”
    Perhaps like Serenity he didn’t get the mix up: perhaps he wondered why I said he had messed up when he had originally waited 1 hour.

    I tried one more time to reach him, using feeling messages. I don’t know if I did it right, but this was my message. It still hasn’t had any results, but perhaps it will in the long run.

    I wish there was some way to reach him. I am dating a lot of other guys, but he was quite special. This is what I wrote, tell me if I got my feeling messages right. I know I am chasing a bit with this message, but I don’t have much to lose, and if there was a misunderstanding, I want to clear it up.

    ” I just noticed you deleted your profile on POF. Isn’t that a bit extreme? Did I traumatize you? Geez! I’ve never had this effect on anyone before! I feel so insulted, and I am as confused as can be. One minute I’m on your mind all the time, we’re so connected, so excited to meet, and you’re this great communicator, the next, you’ve turned into a stranger, and I don’t know why. I’m so disappointed, I feel almost bereft. Lol

    If we didn’t like each other when we met, we would be disappointed, but ok. But we didn’t even meet… Did you see me and take a dislike? I’ve never had that effect on anyone before either … I didn’t blame you for the mix up, but I did want to understand how it happened. Was that wrong?

    Anyway, would you please satisfy my curiosity … just so I don’t die wondering …? Lol
    Just a short text would do …
    Believe me, I want no part of a relationship with a guy who doesn’t appreciate me …. but, I do want to know what happened. We spent so much time on each other, this is the least courtesy we could show each other …No …?”

    I do have other options, but I want to sort this out because it is a kind of a repeat of my previous break up. I dated a guy for a whole year, we were basically very happy, but then had a misunderstanding, and he dumped me suddenly by phone, and would not talk to me again or answer my emails. I have never been dumped before, and I am somewhat traumatized by this, so don’t want it repeating in my relationships again.



  484.  #484DRH on December 3, 2012 at 3:16 am

    I have been reading all your advice on how to fix a relationship. The man I love and i are both in the middle of divorce. My insecurities, the pressures that I have and my past empty marriage has caused me to act negatively toward him,
    ( I will call him Tony) and therefore have pushed him away. I have used him as a pushing bag and masked what I was really feeling or going on in my life. He now has pushed away and needs time to “fix” himself because my behaviour has taken a toll on him. We communicate daily though not enough and sometimes only limited by text. He does not write I love you any more but will say it before we hang up from a conversation. he will still end his texts with a term of endearment we always used with each other, and start a text with, for example, Good morning my love, but still there is no I love you written, I sometimes will ask for it and he will write it but only if I ask. I am a successful woman, very driven and motivated, but have been a “mess” because of this situation. The more I talk about getting back to the way it use to be with him, the more he digs deeper into his retreat. I do not want to play games and play hard to get. I want to use more of my feminine energy as you say, but how can I find that balance without showing that I am needy? I know or at least I feel he still loves me. But there are other times I am not so sure. He said he would call, and he never did last evening despite some positive texts sent between us relating to my job search and so on, not the relationship. So basically what I am asking is again is how do I balance what I want to show to him, my love for him and more of my feelings without be perceived as being too needy or “pushing the envelope” as he says. I am at a complete loss and can not figure what I should do. I now do not reply to texts quickly because I do not want him to know I am so accessible even though I always use to respond quickly, I want him to think what am I doing that I do not reply fast. It’s crazy trying to figure this out and it is robbing me of my energy and producing severe anxiety in me and stress. So please advise, I need help.



  485.  #485Iamabutterfly on December 3, 2012 at 3:38 am

    barely slept. this feels horrible. guilt. grief. tight. sad. tears. so many tears.

    I just want to say goodbye. I just want to tell him I’m so sorry. I just want him to hold me and tell me it’s okay and that he forgives me.

    I just can’t compare.

    I wouldn’t let him make me happy…

    oh this hurts soooo bad.



  486.  #486ruth on December 3, 2012 at 3:40 am

    Hello
    I am back out of the land of novel writing

    Have read back, but no time to comment just yet except say that there seems to be some nice CCD-in going on here
    The weeeknds marathon was not that scenic, so Im not linking to a pic today



  487.  #487Iamabutterfly on December 3, 2012 at 3:41 am

    when did I mess up?
    how many times did I mess up?

    close myself off?
    feel angry at him?
    scared of him?
    ungrateful towards him?

    I can’t believe how much this hurts…

    at what point should I have said something?
    when would have been a good time?

    ….this feels so lonely and hollow and sad and soooooo close to almost…almost…almost…

    I’m crying sooooooooooo hard



  488.  #488Iamabutterfly on December 3, 2012 at 3:43 am

    he used to linger by my car and talk forever with me.

    he was lingering by her car and talking forever with HER.



  489.  #489ruth on December 3, 2012 at 3:44 am

    peeks in
    Hi
    Back from novel wrting now and another not very scenic marathon

    not muc time to comment, but goodness ther is some dating going on here
    🙂



  490.  #490ruth on December 3, 2012 at 3:44 am

    how did that post twice?



  491.  #491ruth on December 3, 2012 at 3:45 am

    (((((((((((llama)))))))))



  492.  #492Iamabutterfly on December 3, 2012 at 3:45 am

    I hate hindsight. I hateeeeeeeee it.



  493.  #493ruth on December 3, 2012 at 3:46 am

    Dee
    Um that text felt like a huge lean forward to me

    I dont think we can always get “answers” or “closure”

    It feels hard not to get that though



  494.  #494ruth on December 3, 2012 at 3:50 am

    452 Tam

    why on earth would you een think about settling for a man who doesnt want you 100%

    You are the prize
    xx



  495.  #495Iamabutterfly on December 3, 2012 at 3:55 am

    If something happens that hurts your feelings and makes you feel unappreciated and it’s time for you to communicate… HOW will you respond? With love or pain and anger? Will you withdraw from him to a safer place and shut him out?

    I hope that what you’re noticing here is that YOU will get signs about what kind of roles you’ll take on, and you’ll be asked to show up as a good partner long before you actually have a “Committed Relationship.”

    How you are with the man you’re with through this and how you respond has EVERYTHING to do with whether a man will choose to want to love and commit himself to you, or not.



  496.  #496Goddess Lily on December 3, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Janie,

    It was my understanding that Rori says it’s ok to be in an exclusive relationship when you are young just to try it out….get the experience…..and then believe her when she says it doesn’t work. For those of us that have been there, done that, at least for me anyway, I do believe being a gf is a trap. It has never gotten me what I want.



  497.  #497Dee on December 3, 2012 at 4:30 am

    Here’s a post that might cast some light on things, and be useful to others:

    Guys are terrified of rejection. They do not 
    like to put themselves in positions where they 
    might fail. 

      This fear is so all-consuming that, if they DO 
    start to feel like they’ve failed, they are just 
    as likely to walk away from the whole situation as 
    they are to stick around and try to make it 
    better. 

    http://www.meetyoursweet.com/

      Mirabelle Summers