Join Me In Sirenity

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Staying open and curious is such a magnificent way to operate in the world…

And even more important – a skill that you’ve learned is to notice when you are feeling open and when you are feeling shut down!

Simply knowing where you are is the key to everything…

You will find it so much easier to sink down into what you’re actually And truly feeling, rather than going up into your head to solve the problem.

Going up in your head to analyze and solve the problem will not make you ever feel better. Running away from the experience or the feeling will not make you feel better.

Rushing headlong toward something, or fighting or pushing or attacking will not make you feel better… Your head thinks it will but your body will not…

What feels better is just sinking down into whatever the feeling is…Pain, confusion, and what comes from that Becomes some kind of trust.

Trust in yourself, trust in the universe, trust into how things are unfolding… just some basic trust in life that we give up when we go into our heads… it begins to feel peaceful…

And then you will begin to recognize that peaceful feeling.

Therefore – you are already where you want to be!

Your experiences may not have caught up yet to your dreams…

But if you really look at this… You will see that your experiences are all part of this great unknown that you had never explored before…

And now you are in the middle of exploring it…

You can do no better or more than simply experiencing the exploration…

Trying to understand it will not help or feel better…

Just beginning to notice when a man feels good and when he does not that is supreme…

Wondering what he means or what something he has done means will not help you…

But by dating a ton of men…

From the state of awareness, you will begin, in a very internal way, to connect the dots together!

That’s what we’re going for here the dots coming together of their own accord…

Join me in Sirenity in 4 Weeks here->

Love, Rori

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9 Comments

  1.  #1mary on June 7, 2017 at 8:13 am

    hi!

    it’s mary, from many, many years ago.
    i think i found Rori in 2009.
    hello old friends if you’re out there!
    dominique, daria, alias girl, simply shannon, mercedes, sweepea, nikita, bethany, Tracy, aprilshowers, Linda, you know who you are!
    come back and say hello!
    and any of you reading this… please introduce yourself!
    i need you now…

    i wish i could say that i found my one and only and that we’re headed into the sunset together.
    it didn’t happen.
    i did find a handsome man, who wished for me to be his girlfriend.
    i gave him my girlfriend speech.
    but i really liked him, and i didn’t like the other guys i was dating.
    i talked with another coach who encouraged me to settle into the relationship and give it a try.
    even though i was sold on circular dating.
    so i did that.

    it is six years later now.
    or seven.
    being the girlfriend to this man was confusing.
    he belittled, accused, talked down to me, actually hit me a few times and stole my furniture.
    why did i not get out?

    i lost my self esteem, over a period of years.
    it was so gradual i didn’t even see it happening.
    i got hooked in with the good things.
    and then there was fear.
    fear of getting back out there again.
    fear of the pain of a breakup.
    fear that i’d never find another man who brought out the side of me that this man did…
    fear, fear, fear.
    so i put it off, over and over again.

    finally i said goodbye and moved away.
    and a year or two has passed.
    i’m ready and dating now…

    and i have five or six guys that are wild about me.
    texting, dating, texting, phoning…
    it’s wonderful!
    it’s therapeutic.
    i love it.

    but soon it’s gonna get difficult!
    for one thing, i’d rather wait to be sleeping with anyone.
    (it used to be a moral, spiritual thing; now it’s more practical because it’s easier for circular dating when you’re NOT sleeping with anyone – and it makes me happier to take things more slowly)
    i already told one guy (who is 1.5 hours away) that i will not be sleeping over.
    he didn’t like it but he said ok.
    he wanted to go dancing at night. said he’d swear that he wouldn’t touch me if i stayed with him.
    i said no. (i don’t want to explain out-of-town trips to other guys… i’m looking for my forever man)

    the guy i like the most is outstandingly handsome.
    a guitar player in a band (and a good business on the side)
    all the girls love him.
    he wants to find someone to marry!
    yay.

    but it seems like he has so much opportunity.
    has asked me to sleepover a few times.
    he is also an hour or an hour and a half away.

    somehow i need to keep myself going and not cave in and 1) have sex with any of them, 2) not become a girlfriend

    i do not know ANYONE out there who doesn’t want to be a girlfriend right away!

    so i’ll be all alone in this unless someone says hello!

    are there any other people following this blog doing circular dating and NOT having sex with any of the guys? how is it going for you?

    i know there needs to be a reward after all the waiting.

    i know i’ll lose most of the guys because of this.

    but wouldn’t i lose them anyway if i start having sex with all of them or just one of them or some of them?

    maybe better to do what feels most comfortable for me?

    i would so love to have more help with the LOGISTICS of all this…

    for now i’m not telling the guys anything. so they think i’m gonna do dating like any other woman… meaning, third date, sex… then… GIRLFRIEND! (then five years, then breakup… oh! sorry! so cynical!)

    what do y’all think? anyone out there who can say hello?

    i want to go through this with a support team… that understands what i’m doing. as circular dating is not the norm. it’s actually so COUNTER-TREND that i don’t even try explaining it…

    thank you!

    love,

    Mary



  2.  #2Indigo on June 7, 2017 at 10:28 am

    Mary, hi!

    The blog is extremely quiet these days – few ladies ever pop in and comment any more.

    But I wanted to offer my two cents on what you have asked. My experience has shown me over and over again that dating behaviour should not be about rules, and it should not be about the expectations of a man. It should be about *doing what is right for you.*

    So, if you’re not going to sleep with any of these guys, do that because that is what you believe in your heart is right for you, and not because you’re following a play by play. If you are truly following what is right for you, then yes, the right man will be patient and stick by you. You certainly shouldn’t worry about a man’s supposed expectation that you sleep with him after the third date or simply because you stay over at his house. These are not pressures you have to give in to in any way.

    On the other hand, don’t NOT sleep with a man out of fear either – fear of losing him if you do, or fear of what other men will think or fear of breaking “the rules.” When you do decide to sleep with a guy, it should come from a pure place and because you feel in your heart and in your body that it is right and that you can handle it. One thing that I have learned is that either sleeping with or not sleeping with a man will not make him go or stay; the only thing that is important is staying true to yourself.

    As for being a girlfriend – this is obviously a good phase of a relationship to try out and experiment with to see if a man is right for you. It is hard to get that sense when you are just dating casually. I truly believe you have to be with a man for a certain length of time, stay in the same house as him at least for some period of time, see his worst side etc. etc. before you can know if you would marry him. This is impossible to do without being a girlfriend.

    At the same time, I feel like being a girlfriend is often overrated and considered to be the prize, when it is not. I don’t even believe getting married is the prize. I believe having the life you want, that makes you happy, is the prize. And so if you feel you need to keep a man in rotation in order to evaluate whether he would be a valuable addition to your life, then do that. Not all guys will like that (as you rightly pointed out), but such is life. Always keep your relationship goal in mind and the rest will follow.



  3.  #3mary on June 7, 2017 at 12:08 pm

    hello Indigo!

    I remember you! I’m sorry I didn’t mention your name… but I remember our conversations! THANK YOU for responding! I like everything you said.

    Yes, I understand exactly what you’re talking about. And I do see how being a girlfriend has a place. (But did I miss something in Rori’s program? Isn’t it all about NOT being a girlfriend?) I mean, I get to this point in relationships and it just seems silly and ridiculous, like I’m making such a huge rule-based plan, and my friends think I’m crazy, and my boyfriend thinks I’m crazy (if I say no, I won’t ever sleep over, no I won’t ever be a girlfriend.)

    Yet I made the mistake twice now, and it cost me five years each time. I was a girlfriend to the wrong guy. I got into it too soon… there was so much pressure for sex, for commitment (I mean exclusivity…) And the heartache! Oh my goodness.

    It seems impossible, no matter which way I go.

    If I go the world’s way…

    I date for a few weeks, or until I find someone I like.
    We date and keep dating and eventually there is sex, and eventual exclusivity.
    Then I’m a girlfriend.
    And then the waiting begins (because I’d like to get married.)

    If I go Rori’s way (and correct me if I’m wrong…)

    I date for a while, until I find someone I like.
    I keep dating others, even though I like this one guy.
    In Rori’s scenario, I have sex probably. I tell the guy I am exclusive with him, but I keep dating and I give him the no girlfriend speech, keeping my options open.
    He doesn’t want the competition and I get a marriage proposal.
    (I like this. It makes sense)

    But I’m Christian. And it’s my choice, but it’s like I can’t do anything about it, because I actually do BELIEVE. And because of that, I want to abide by what is best, as presented in the Bible. The Bible is pretty clear about no sex before marriage. I know it’s radical to say this on a dating site, but I didn’t write it;. It’s there for anyone to read.

    If I wanted to go with that, the scenario would look like this:

    Date Christian guys (Okay I’m trying that, but they all don’t care about the no sex before marriage…)
    I find one I like (already found him)
    Don’t tell him I’m not gonna have sex with him (yet)
    Keep dating others
    The guy doesn’t like the competition and he proposes to me.

    or

    Date Christian guys
    I find one I like.
    Tell him my views and how I’m gonna play it.
    He runs.
    Or there is the .0000000000000001% chance that he stays… in this day and age…

    Oh man.

    It looks pretty bleak.

    What I want is to just follow my heart. Find the right guy. Have sex when I want to. Maybe move in. If all is going well, and we’re making plans going forward, fine. If not, get into a circular dating pattern to see if that creates movement. If not, leave.

    I already know it’s harder than that to leave though…

    Is there any hope out there? Am I thinking about it too much! It’s just that I need a plan because I’m in the thick of it now…

    Thank you, Indigo!



  4.  #4mary on June 7, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    me again…

    still thinking!

    and no… i said i WANT to be a girlfriend, but i don’t really think i want that…

    i’d like to be married…

    how to get there?

    i’m having no problem with interested guys… for now…

    wow.



  5.  #5mary on June 8, 2017 at 8:30 am

    hello Indigo,

    i’m reading your post over and over and it was so well thought out.
    thank you so much!

    yes, i think i’ve been wanting some kind of “dating plan” so i can follow it.
    and yes, i think i’ve been dealing with the fear of losing of a certain guy that i really like.
    i lost him. so long. he’s gone.
    i believe i lost him because i’m not ready to have sex and move right in with him.

    Rori, I LOVE your thoughts and your advice. I’ve read your stuff so many times!
    I want to hear more about the logistics of circular dating.
    the world is against it.
    the world wants coupling and insists on it and demands it.

    but it isn’t MY style to move in and play house unless i’m married.
    so i’ll just go with that.

    so Indigo, i’m gonna take your suggestions and just be true to myself.
    go out with guys that i want to date, just because.
    i’ve decided that i like the company of men so i’m gonna keep keeping company with men.
    until i find the One.
    if that happens.
    i hope it does!

    and if not, i will TRY to not break my own heart by zeroing in on one.
    the heart is so quick to bond!
    and it holds onto those bonds for such a long time.
    you have to go in and cut each tie, and keep cutting, and it is PAINFUL.
    so i want to try to protect my heart.
    and MY way is to say no to sex for now.

    i want to be wise.
    but I want to let my heart go ahead and do its heart thing.
    and protect it with my head, and with well thought-out decisions.

    yes!

    okay.

    i feel better now.

    thank you Indigo.

    love,

    mary



  6.  #6Samj Wunder on June 10, 2017 at 6:20 am

    Mary, hi! Sorry for your pain. I generally don’t post here but your story struck a chord.

    I’m huge on rotational dating and so are my amazing clients! You can check out my programs on my website and there’s also an article on rotational Dating that specifically deals with Christian dating as well. Lots of love to you, Sami x



  7.  #7Indigo on June 11, 2017 at 2:18 am

    Yay, Mary!! 🙂

    If marriage to a good Christian man is what you want, keep pointing your heart in that direction, and it will happen.



  8.  #8Shahrzad on June 13, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    Hi Mary

    I just wanted to comment that I feel you have such a beautiful energy. I love that even though you feel that the world is against circular dating, you’re not willing to play house, just because that seems to be the norm. You are going after what works for you. That shows bravery!

    You said you’d like a plan for circular dating? I’m training with Rori right now I would love to help you with that.

    Love, Shahrzad
    P.S. The ONE will find you! That’s for sure <3



  9.  #9Rori Raye on June 17, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    Yay to all! Sami – so great to have you here, everyone: Shahrzad is a new trainee coach phenom, try her out…and Mary and Indigo – SO great to hear from you!

    Can’t wait to get back into the swing and see everyone again – I’m committed to being here and talking with you all! Love, Rori