Just Because You Want Him Doesn’t Mean He’s Right For You

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A short message for Nancy who feels in despair about her future love life….

What we think we want doesn’t always serve us.

I spent much of my romantic life, and my “best” years chasing after men who simply weren’t right for me.

Yes – there was AMAZING chemistry and sex, yes, I felt a soul-deep connection (one in particular I can name and have written about – and that lasted 7 years), yes there was intense deep feeling…..but still, they weren’t right for me.

And letting go of them was excruciating. (Yes – there was more than one, or two, or even 3 or 4, maybe MORE!)

And so, please use my Tools to talk yourself out any defeatist attitude you’re harboring.

The truth is – we don’t know ANYTHING.  You don’t know who is or isn’t out there for you – but if you choose to decide now that there’s no one, imagine how much harder it’s going to be for him to find you.

This despair is coming from your subconscious.

Please don’t let it run you.

Talk to it, love it, embrace it, make friends with it, offer it new food, new thoughts, new attitudes, and reassurance that you’re in this for the best of yourself as a WHOLE – all these parts that want you to despair included.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 7:01 am


  2.  #2April Rose on September 3, 2012 at 7:02 am

    yes, in fact I want to do a lot of research (into how we relate) before I decide he is right for me

  3.  #3Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 7:03 am

    I wonder if this is our Nancy, though it doesn’t really matter.

    “Yes – there was AMAZING chemistry and sex, yes, I felt a soul-deep connection (one in particular I can name and have written about – and that lasted 7 years), yes there was intense deep feeling…..but still, they weren’t right for me”.


  4.  #4April Rose on September 3, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Wow, Rori, 7 years of it feeling right, but it wasn’t?
    Ooooh, I feel sooo intrigued.

    I’ve been finding out they weren’t right, after about 3 years (pre-Rori)
    Now, I can do it much quicker.

  5.  #5Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 7:16 am

    FW 1238 previous post,

    Actually it makes me realize that M did NOT offer friendship this time, I am the one who volunteered information that I would not want that, and he agreed.

    Sort of makes me feel hopeful.

  6.  #6Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Siren Angel it seems to me that would be a good thing. Especially if you can take your mind off him and the relationship. As Rori says:-

    The most important thing to blossom a real relationship into a real, deep intimacy is to be able to speak about your feelings to a man. The honesty and openness and terrifying baring of your feelings – even your soul sometimes – is a great act of trust. Trust of yourself and trust of him too. Trust the law of how things are – that speaking the truth is a great healer.

    You cannot help a relationship recover by being sad and miserable. You can only help a relationship by recovering your high spirits and sense of fun, your own devotion to YOU and to having a good life, good times, and good feelings, This is not only the best way to attract a terrific man who can make you happy it is the best way to heal everyone and everything around you. You feel good about you, you share that fun and good feeling with everyone just because it radiates out of you, and everyone feels better and feels comepelled to be around you.

  7.  #7Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 7:36 am


    How can I radiate my happiness to him and the kids when we don’t see each other?

  8.  #8Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 7:41 am

    You can’t. It is best to trust the law of how things are. Right not it is best to trust that he will feel that vibe through the “ether” from miles away.

    “For me, “trying” to, or “working towards” opening up a person who’s shut down is non-productive.

    To me, a wife is not a therapist.

    Her job is not to sit down and try to open up her husband.

    Her job is to be there in case he wants to open up, to offer a safe space for him to open up, to set an example and “go first” by opening herself up, and to live her own life without regard to his shutting down.

    Ignoring, in this case, is simply not giving energy to something that doesn’t serve you.

    It’s not reacting, it’s learning how this particular behavior of someone else’s is triggering you.

    That said – the goal is always TALKING…and expressing yourself in Feeling Messages, and doing all the “going first.”

    “Encouraging and inspiring a man to open up is what we’re all about here, it’s what being a Modern Siren is all about – and yet, directly asking a man to “open up” and be “warmer” or “more attentive” is often useless when it’s a specific part of his nature to retreat and withhold.

    The problem is in the dynamic, and in the dynamic I describe – a man’s withholding causes us to chase him down.

    It makes us try to “engage” him, and DO things to “warm him up” and get him to give us what we want.

    That kind of directed energy, focused on him – gets us the exact opposite of what we want.

    He feels even MORE crowded, more pressured, more incompetent at fulfilling our needs.

    And then that becomes even more true, as he withholds and withdraws even more to protect himself from what he instinctively feels “not good” with, we feel even more and more neglected, and he feels more and more incompetent.

    Ignoring a man is a great first step in the healing process.”

  9.  #9Tam on September 3, 2012 at 7:42 am

    7 He broke up with you SA, so you’re best off focusing on yourself to get happy and when he comes back this will show…can’t force it and can’t rush it.

  10.  #10Annie on September 3, 2012 at 7:44 am

    1227: Radlove says:


    1179 – Yes, R is saying just friendship, and I consistently feel vibes that are more serious than just friendship. I feel confused about it, tho. But I just don’t feel strong enough to push him out of my life completely. But our times together feel fantastic, and I am getting good dating experience, so I am just going with the flow in the moment.

    K is a 12 year friendship, and I don’t want to push him out of my life with no explanation or reason. I just am going to feel my way carefully on that one. I don’t want backlash, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

    But after the pretty much love letter I received from K on Saturday, I am going to restate my boundaries.”

    TY Radlove.
    I totally hear where you are at on your journey.
    Step by step as Rori says towards learning and getting stronger to what is in your higher good to do.

  11.  #11luzydel on September 3, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I feel like that right now about “Dw” and “S”, They were not right for me… any man who hides, ignores me, doesn’t make an effort to be with me is not right, regardless of ow much attraction I feel for them, so I just delete their numbers and move on, not more chasing, no more answering to their cheap Texts “hi sexy you miss me?” ugh!! They are too heavy to be riding on my horse and are slowing me down.

  12.  #12luzydel on September 3, 2012 at 7:50 am


    I found this site and thought I would share, Not too many in my area, but it may work for any of you…

  13.  #13Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 7:51 am

    CCarter has a program called Mastering Make or Break Moments with men. As you can see below this is something that happens with some men.

    Moment #11: The On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

    He breaks up with you and you feel completely awful- until he contacts you and says he’s been “thinking” about things and wants to talk. You give him another chance, but then days or weeks later, he dumps you AGAIN. What’s going on here? Should you get back with him?

    In this Moment, I’ll reveal the two types of men who do this, what it says about them, and how to prevent your relationship from slipping into this painful pattern ever again.

  14.  #14Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Now I am wondering if breaking up is a feminine thing to do? Also an indication of immaturity in a man or that he is not yet ready to move the relationship further down the road so the way to show respect to such a man is to agree with him and go live my life?

  15.  #15Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Interesting site luzydel. Thank you.

  16.  #16Annie on September 3, 2012 at 8:02 am

    “What we think we want doesn’t always serve us.”

    Gosh how this resonates.
    My awakening from sleepwalking began a couple of years ago.
    And now when I walk around I see others in this sleepwalking place.
    It feels a bit scary observing and witnessing this.
    Some days some places when out and the energy feels so heavy It feels like I am amongst the living dead.

    Feel so different when I am somewhere where the energy is lighter. The frequency and energy coming from people just feels different.

    Since I began this awakening it feels so odd.
    I can feel this energy without knowing the person or anything about them.
    And automatically now move away
    Before this wakening my radar was well and truly off.
    I mainly used to ignore the feeling push any gut feeling away and mainly get taken in by peoples words.
    I was naive. I forgive myself.
    I will not ever ignore my gut feeling again Not EVER.
    I trust it above all else.
    From now on I want to do what is in my best interest and what serves me.

  17.  #17MissStix on September 3, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Wow I am so behind on the blog!

    Just having a fantastic weekend!

    Good man, good food, good sex, great conflict resolution.

    I could feel a storm brewing over something inconsequential. We were both feeling agitated over a simple misunderstanding. I took a deep breathe and started to rub my forehead and said “This feels too agitating. This is not important. This is not important.” I repeated that out loud a few times keeping my eyes closed and rubbing my temples and forehead. I felt myself calming and then I heard…

    “You’re right.”

    And that was that. Peace.

    I did not end up having the sex talk with G. Because I didn’t need to. I wanted to do a little experiment bedore we sat down to talk. When we were in the liquor store grabbing wine I did it. We were in line, and I was in front so I slowly shifted my body around and put my shoulders back. I was already very close to him. Through the whole thing I kept it in my mind that this man could be potentially dangerous (this makes me giggle but I made myself believe it). Then, starting at the floor I slowly raised up my eyes to his face and held contact with his throat and jaw. He looked at me. “what’s up?” I made eye contact then shyly looked down, then looked back up and said “nothing” with a hint of a shy smile. He put his hand around my neck, pulled me in and kissed me right there in the lineup!!! And I BLUSHED hehe Perfect.

    When I shift into the space and vibe and feelings I want to feel, he naturally takes the reins and steps right into male dominate mode. I’ve been practicing this all weekend and it’s been fantastic! It also gives me a chance to use my voice during sex. For positive affirmation. It is a perfect outlet for my shyness to talk during sex. Because I WANT to be in the shy, dominated, uncomfortable position.

    It feels nice and no-pressure to do a slow and steady build. At some point I plan to tell him I like the way the sex has been. I plan to say “I secretly wanted you to take control and you have just done it, and I feel so sexy and great!”

    nuff about me!! Time to catch up…

  18.  #18Tam on September 3, 2012 at 8:05 am

    13 FW, interesting. I also dance this dance with MrP and am fed up with it, every time we get close he seems to freak out and run…only to come back more strongly and faster each time. but I don’t want that anymore…I hate this pattern.

    I have never been rejected or the ‘dumpee’ before, only one time – and that guy went off to marry someone else 6 months later. So I am acutely aware that I only want a man who wants me 100% and isn’t going to do this dance indefinitely.
    But like Rori said ‘we don’t know anything’ and I don’t want to assume bad things and be judgmental..however, experience is experience and it is supposed to teach us something?

  19.  #19Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:09 am

    While the mind sees only boundaries
    Love knows the secret way there. ~ Rumi

  20.  #20Tam on September 3, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Radlove, I love Rumi 🙂

  21.  #21Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:12 am


    1146 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/commitment/openness-and-resolve-talk-about-it-without-defending-yourself/comment-page-25/#comment-243575 – “Think Brad pitt is supposed to be one the rare men on the planet who’s face has both of these qualities.
    The baby face along with the rugged.”

    Interesting! I never heard this before, but I agree! He is very handsome! I especially like him in Meet Joe Black.

  22.  #22Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:12 am


    20 – Me too!

  23.  #23Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 8:14 am

    1136: idating4u says:
    Great post! and great replies too.
    1. Believe that it can happen
    Do you believe in yourself? This may sound really corny but if you do not believe that you can get a guy to want you, It will not happen. Period.

    2. People Judge Books By Covers. Period!
    This is more important for you than for him. Firstly you have to find something that you LOVE to wear. Not something you just like.

    3. Give him the green light.
    The third part of making a guy want you is giving him a little to go on. Smile at him. Men don’t like to be rejected so if you want him to approach you, you have to give him a sign that it is ok to approach you and that you will be receptive towards him.


    Sunday, 2 September 2012 @ 10:50pm

    1137: Rori Raye says:
    dating4u – I’m letting this through because we can always use another free dating site! Rori

  24.  #24Annie on September 3, 2012 at 8:15 am

    11: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel like that right now about “Dw” and “S”, They were not right for me… any man who hides, ignores me, doesn’t make an effort to be with me is not right, regardless of ow much attraction I feel for them, so I just delete their numbers and move on, not more chasing, no more answering to their cheap Texts “hi sexy you miss me?” ugh!! They are too heavy to be riding on my horse and are slowing me down.”

    I love this.

  25.  #25Annie on September 3, 2012 at 8:17 am

    13: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “CCarter has a program called Mastering Make or Break Moments with men. As you can see below this is something that happens with some men.

    Moment #11: The On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

    He breaks up with you and you feel completely awful- until he contacts you and says he’s been “thinking” about things and wants to talk. You give him another chance, but then days or weeks later, he dumps you AGAIN. What’s going on here? Should you get back with him?

    In this Moment, I’ll reveal the two types of men who do this, what it says about them, and how to prevent your relationship from slipping into this painful pattern ever again.”

    I feel intrigued about this.
    What is he take on this then?

  26.  #26Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:19 am


    946 – If I believed that R was only interested in a casual friendship, I couldn’t do it. But I feel him negotiating, looking deeper, looking to the future, all that. I just sense intuitively that this is not a casual friendship for him. Stinker. I love him and he’s annoying. LOL.

    And here is a general comment: We call ourselves princesses and goddesses on the blog all the time. So what is wrong with calling a man I love a prince? If I am a princess, don’t I deserve a prince? And just because I called him little? That was just a term of endearment, little prince. Grrrrrr!

  27.  #27Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Annie I don’t have that program. I was just trying to put that comment in the context of what I know about Rori’s program. I imagine that CCarter’s is similar to Rori’s take about being warm and open while speaking your truth when he leans toward you again. Knowing that these types of things are common amongst men helps me to not take things personally and get angry because it is not about me.

  28.  #28T-Girl on September 3, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Is Nancy the siren that married her guy after 4 months or so? I wonder how she is doing.

  29.  #29Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 8:22 am

    That was my thought too T-Girl but then I remembered Rori generally changes people’s name when she uses their stories. At least recently.

  30.  #30Linda on September 3, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Hello Sirens

    A day of rest from Labor in the states. woo hoo!

    I was trying to find who encouraged me to keep an open mind about going on a CD with the older man that contacted me. It was good advice.. Thank you.

    I felt all confused on the inside when I thought about meeting this CD. Part of me felt open and curious and another part of me felt like I was again compromising what I want. In the end I just decided to go and find out what his message was for me.

    I did go and meet him yesterday afternoon. I was indeed ready for this meet and greet to go quickly but time flew. He does not look his age, talks a mile a minute (which would get old with me really) but all in all very delightful. I do not know really what his message was to me. I did however feel able to be me and confortable with him. His physical appearance was actually kinda hot to me. Was very buff and a great smile. He has many characteristics of a man I would like to be with. He wanted me to call him to see to get together again. I just said … ” I do not feel comfortable calling and I would like it if you contacted me” (he has already told me he is meeting two other ladies this week.) I did not want to fit into his casual, drop by.. come over kinda vibe that he was telling about all his other friends. I am not difficult, but I want to raise the level of difficulty a bit, set myself above that. If he wants to see me, he will have to be the boy I want to be the girl.

    SO I learned to keep my girl boundry. I am learning!
    I did enjoy a lovely kiss and I felt melty and responsive a very enjoyed the moment with some magic. I went to play cards with some friends in meet up right after.

    I have a full inbox again today. It feels delightful, and life has seemed to shift for the better. One of my emails was from my CD I will call him “BusyMan” He said he had a really good time and that I was his best first date he had ever been on” Hmmm interesting he has been on lots of dates. I am not going to anaylse it… just receive it.

    I will have another man to meet early this week.. his name is the same as my last man. TRIGGER! oh well I can deal with it.

    More later girls… hugs

  31.  #31Starla on September 3, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I still don’t feel anything for any of my current guys in any sort of significant way.

    WarriorCD is really hot but I don’t feel connected with him. I find myself wanting to force a connection. This isn’t necessary, though, because he does all the rowing. Still, it freaks me out to think that I will eventually fall for him, and he’ll decide to finally notice we don’t actually have a connection.

    ummm well anyway it doesn’t matter. I feel very focused on myself.

  32.  #32Belle on September 3, 2012 at 8:31 am


    thankyouthankyouthankyou I feel all teary and smiley and blessed blessed blessed
    I didn’t feel jumped on at all, I felt so giggly and almost couldn’t sleep because I kept laughing and laughing at myself…remembering a couple of times where I felt so right on in my communication and it landed so so so so differently than I thought it would.

    It feels so good to feel it tickling me now!
    Thank you for re-reading it, I feel seen and I feel appreciation and gratitude.

  33.  #33Belle on September 3, 2012 at 8:34 am

    This post reminds me of the day before yesterday when I pulled over and parked on a side road to sob like a lunatic.
    Two thoughts were repeating…
    “There’s nothing I can do”
    “I don’t know anything”

    The sobbing felt like a relief…
    Oh, wonderful, how freeing to recognize
    There’s nothing I can do
    and I don’t know anything

    Good. Perfect. Now I can get on with my life! Woot!

  34.  #34Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 8:38 am

    I feel happy for you Linda. For me this day means school starts again tomorrow and that the summer is swiftly ending. boohoo

  35.  #35Daria on September 3, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Forest siren – yup, Lyme disease has been on my conscious the past few days. Will post some more when i get home.

  36.  #36Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Pitifully Confused,

    844 – I really like what FW said to you here:

    “pitifully confused I feel bad reading and thinking about this name you chose for yourself. You don’t seem pitiful or confused in your writing. You seem like a young lady who has her wits about her and cares about herself.”

  37.  #37Starla on September 3, 2012 at 8:39 am

    I just dared to check my work email after being gone for 10 days, and there was absolutely nothing scary or stressful waiting for me in my inbox 🙂


    My life is really blessed, ladies.

    Really, really.

    I have a family now!!!!!!!!

    And a good job

    And beautiful vacations

    And a beautiful apartment

  38.  #38Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:40 am

    (not so) pitifully confused

    894 – Ah! Just saw your new name: (not so) pitifully confused

    Very good! 🙂

  39.  #39Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:41 am

    I tried to cover everyone’s responses to me in the last thread. Please excuse me if I accidentally overlooked any. Please feel free to bring them to my attention in case there was anything you would like to feel sure I noticed.

  40.  #40Starla on September 3, 2012 at 8:41 am

    And my closest friends came to the airport to pick me up and we went to dinner together and they missed me a looooot, and i felt so special and loved

    things have changed so much for me! I remember feeling alone and hopeless. And it was legit

    But when I hit rock bottom I decided to just think happy anyway.

    And it really worked.

  41.  #41Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:43 am


    10 – Thank you!

  42.  #42Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:44 am


    32 – You’re welcome! Thanks for being patient with me!

  43.  #43Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 8:48 am

    From a ‘promise of engagement’ ring to a breakup in one month, seems so unreal to me, like I am stuck in some bad television reality show. I was in utter shock after the nice weekend we had. Just because I sent 11 yr old to his bedroom for a total of 2 minutes for yelling me at me. He tells his brother and sister to go along with him, like in any ‘game’. And this. Feels very frustrating and I feel so powerless and vulnerable.

  44.  #44Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:48 am


    12 – Thanks! Do you know if the site is free? Or will they slam you with a credit card screen after you go thru all the effort of joining?

  45.  #45Belle on September 3, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Ruth – thank you, it felt good to read that you were glad I stayed.

    It feels so good when one of you offers feedback that I’ve touched you in some way. It feels validating that the way I am learning to love and be gentle and playful with myself is rippling out to others.

    Which reminds me…

    re: mistakes revisited

    A few years ago I worked a day with a radiant, happy, gorgeous woman.
    I watched her write something down…she realized she had made a mistake, laughed as she noticed and erased it. She re-wrote it, made the SAME mistake AGAIN, and laughed even harder. Erased and re-wrote it. She made the SAME EXACT mistake a THIRD time, and it made her giggle and laugh so hard and she kept bouncing her head, giggling, saying, “oh that is so funny! that is SO funny!”

    I drank all of this in…what??? I compared her reaction to mine, I would have been beating the snot out of myself the second time, and given up on the third. What manner of insanity was this, laughing harder with each mistake? WHATTTT????
    So I made up a story about her that she had never been beaten up or punished for making a mistake and that’s how she turned out this way. Which made me wonder how I could feel if I practiced feeling better with each consecutive mistake and finding it more amusing?

    I’ve been practicing it ever since. I don’t think I’ve made any few mistakes, but I certainly haven’t made more and wow I sure do feel a lot better. It feels SO good to feel the laughter bubbling up from my gut when I notice, “Oh, Belle, you dork, you did it again!” instead of mean, furrowing brow, anger, shame and contracting, “Oh, Belle, you horrible dumb blah blah blah, you did it again!”

    Things can just be funnier and funnier and funnier, just because we decide it’s so, for no reason at all.
    It’s working for me, that’s fo sho

    Hugs and hugs

  46.  #46Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 8:55 am

    FW @6,

    I still feel confused. Are you suggesting being friends with M could be a good thing for me? To get closer to the kids in a more fun and happy way?

  47.  #47Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 8:59 am

    #46 SA,

    No friends with M:) He has to fight for you now. Otherwise it can be a repeating cycle, every now and then he will start having doubts. You want to feel safe, right? Please let him realize how wrong he was letting you go.

  48.  #48Jilly on September 3, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Good morning Sirens 🙂


  49.  #49forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Thanks Daria that would be great. I had it twice took lots of antibiotics ugh even tho I dont like them like for months. Took lots of probiotics too. But I feel it’s still there, I have weird pains, get a lot of headaches and had perfect vision now it’s strained. I’ve talked about giving up sugar I really have to.

    I think Lyme is a serious condition. My short term memory is practically gone. I don’t want to do Iv antibiotics.

    I do exercise a lot that helps.

    Just one month ago I was feeling great and healthy but have had a couple of weeks tired and headachy and achy.

    So curious to hear your take on it.

  50.  #50MissStix on September 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Feeling bold.

    I asked G a question about men. What a man would be thinking in a certain situation. Pertaining to a question from a woman seeking advice. His very honest response was eye-opening even if I already knew that was the answer.

    It felt really good that he was so honest and blunt. As if he trusts the secrets of men with me. I like it! I already knew the answer so I know i’m “getting” it. I feel firmly grounded today.

  51.  #51forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Memulo I posted in the other thread I am curious about the motorbike photo u sent him. It seemed like you wanted him to feel jealous or insecure. What message did want to convey?

  52.  #52Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Forest Siren,

    Responding to your post from the prior thread. Later I could see how my photo on a motorcycle could be seen as an attempt to make him feel jealous, but I was just proud of myself for taking the ride lol and it almost felt unbelievable to see myself wearing a helmet and being on a motorcycle. I just wanted to share.

  53.  #53Jilly on September 3, 2012 at 9:19 am

    This post reminds me of a few ex boyfriends and ex husband…how I thought they were right for me at some point but weren’t…

    Yet I feel totally different with Rugby Man…it feels better than ever…after 7 months 🙂 He brings out the best in me. I love that.

  54.  #54Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 9:21 am

    FS, you think the photo gives room for misinterpretation? It was just a ride.

  55.  #55Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Siren Angel you said you told him you did not want to be friends, no? I am saying I believe that was good that you made that clear to him. You want romance not friendship.

  56.  #56forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Memulo I believe you were excited. For me if I sent that photo without words it would say look at what I’m doing without you. I believe yes it is open to misinterpretation. For me it falls into the category of the innocent question the innocent photo.

    I’m sorry definitely don’t want you to beat yourself up about it this is just my feeling. And remember I have said I have always thought about lionmans insecurity. It may be that I should have been sending photos like this 😉

    Just my thoughts. Ps I love going on the motorbike it’s so much fun but I can only go with someone I’m attracted to it feels too personal to be that physically close on the bike. Did you ride the bike yourself?

  57.  #57Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 9:37 am

    FM, ok clear. Thank you.

  58.  #58Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 9:38 am

    FW, Ok it’s clear. Thank you.

  59.  #59Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

    I also feel consumed by thoughts of guilt. My little one comes back home on Friday and I will have to break the news of the breakup to him, if M does not contact before. And he will be heartbroken. I want to protect his little heart from all this pain.

  60.  #60Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Here’s my latest with R:

    September 1st:

    B: What are you thinking?
    R: Well, all that stuff you put on me these last three years was terrible.
    B: I could say the same for 2009, stuff that left me suicidal. Heart bursting schizophrenic attacks that repeatedly drained my will to live.
    B: I have repeatedly apologized for ways that I was weak and toxic. I have already told you I spent the last 3.5 years majoring in Emo Intelligence and nonviolent communication. You see that I have changed.
    5 min later
    B: What do you think?
    R: It’s like a huge scar for me.
    B: For me too. I never felt so much raw pain all at once. I felt so utterly vulnerable, scared, and like I was nailed to a psychological cross. And my own love was the nails holding me on the cross.
    B: I felt like Luke Skywalker facing Darth Vader. If I would just turn to the Dark Side and say, “I hate you,” I would be released from the suffering I felt, and let off the cross.
    R: That’s terrible
    R: About what?
    B: I felt repeated pain leading up to it, but mostly the perceived almost proposal. I lay on the ground crying at the 4-H center, and each time I heard, “It’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.,” it felt like a hammer driving nails into me. I felt pinned to the cross as I lay on the ground.
    B: I felt deceived, both by you and by God, at a deeper level than I ever imagined a person could be deceived.
    B: My faith felt shaken to the core.
    B: Please share what you’re thinking.
    R: Well, I didn’t do anything wrong.
    B: I’m just sharing what I felt and experienced.
    B: All my hopes, dreams, and love were at their height. Can you see how someone might react strongly in the midst of feelings like this?
    B: I felt emotionally incapacitated and could barely function for about two years. I feel permanently altered, like I will never view life thru the same eyes.
    R: Yeah, well accusing me of what u accused me of and telling people including K, isn’t right.
    B: I am not accusing you. I am telling you what I felt and experienced. Those feelings were real.
    R: Yes, but those feelings WEREN’T for real things.
    B: I thought we agreed I was attacked by schizophrenia? I felt like I was staring a monster in the face. And his intention was for me to commit sui/cide.
    R: I don’t kno what happened.
    B: Feelings are real.
    R: Yes, but the things u were feeling them for were NOT real!
    B: As far as telling K, of course I wish I hadn’t. But in those days, I felt desperate for release from pain, and desperate for support. I didn’t know many days if I was going to make it without going insane.
    B: The poem we wrote together was real.
    R: Yeah, but my intentions were NOT romantic.
    B: It would feel better to break it down in moment by moment stuff. I feel like laying back down and cuddling with Jes/us now. I feel tired.
    R: Good night.
    B: Good night. I love you.

    September 2, last night:

    (After hello, how are you type stuff…)

    R: I’m just wondering if women could possibly be any more beautiful.
    B: Awww. I think men are pretty wonderful, too!! 🙂
    R: What about them?
    B: I like men’s hineys.
    B: Seriously, I agree with you that the best part of men is tender hearts.
    B: I like a man who is a strong, confident, but compassionate leader.

    15 min later

    B: R doesn’t want to talk. 🙁
    R: Do u not want to talk?
    B: I want to, but when you didn’t respond, I thought you didn’t want to.
    R: Oh
    B: What kind of heart do you like in a woman?
    R: What do you mean?
    B: What characteristics do you like in a woman’s heart?
    R: What characteristics does a woman’s heart have?
    B: That’s what I’m asking you.
    R: All of the beautiful characteristics like kindness, sweetness, generosity.
    B: That’s beautiful. I wonder why men are wired to feel uncomfortable to express emotions? I wonder if that is part of their strength?
    R: Probably
    B: Oh
    R: Do you think you could pick up a man on the street?
    B: Yes, I could if I wanted to, but I don’t want to. I think I have a tendency to overfunction, and I feel better when a man picks me up.
    R: What do you mean overfunction?
    B: Taking the lead, doing, like two people leading in a dance doesn’t work. I think the natural order of things is for the man to lead, and the woman to follow. What do you think?
    R: I don’t believe in that. It’s too rigid.
    B: I feel interested to hear that. I feel kind of uncomfortable when I try to lead, because it’s like two people trying to lead in a dance: they end up stepping on each other’s toes.
    B: I think that I overfunctioned way too much in the past, and I think that’s one reason why I ended up stepping on your toes a lot. 🙂 Everything went haywire when I tried to take the lead. What do you think?
    R: Did you tell that guy at the diner bad things about me?
    B: I will answer your question if you answer my question.
    R: I don’t know what you are talking about. What do you mean?
    B: In 2009, when you first started coming over to my house, you would call me almost every night. Then I started to get really attached to you, and I started to feel a lot of anxiety and insecurity.
    B: I felt scared to death of saying or doing something to turn you off. Then I started calling you. It was after that when everything started to go haywire. What do you think?
    R: I saw you falling in love with me and I didn’t want that, so I tried to put an end to the romantic element of our friendship, then you went haywire.
    B: I understand that. I was just trying to give you an example to explain. I still am interested to know how you see a man and a woman relating in terms of who rows the boat?
    R: Who rows a boat is different than a relationship.
    B: What do you mean?
    R: I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
    B: Okay. What diner and what man?
    R: Well, how many men at diners have you said bad things to about me???
    B: None!
    (5 min later)
    B: Hello?
    R: Yeah?
    B: Which diner and which waiter did you mean?
    R: The guy in Name of Town with the beard who you are friendly with.
    B: Not at all. I feel bad that you would even wonder something like that. 🙁
    B: Why, did he say something?
    R: When I see him in town, I say hi to him and he ignores me.
    B: That’s weird. He seemed totally friendly before. I feel sad to hear that. Please keep in mind, R, you are literally my favorite person in the world. I adore you.
    R: Thanks. I’m about to drive.
    That ended at 12:45 am, and I texted again 40 min later, at 1:25 am:
    B: I feel unsettled about our texts tonight for some reason. I wonder if you are upset at me for some reason that I don’t know?
    R: I’m just not happy with u in general 4 all you put me thru.
    B: That feels bad to hear after we’ve been getting along so fantastically the last several months.
    B: I was feeling fantastic about our friendship and how we have been reuniting and healing wounds from 2009, until this moment.
    B: It would feel so good if we could just stay in the present, after we have gotten a fresh start already. I wonder why the past keeps being dredged up?
    R: I never felt like we got a fresh start. I still have wounds.
    B: I still have wounds, too. I have apologized repeatedly and taken responsibility for everything I did out of my own toxicity many times. What can I say that would help you heal? I would love for both of us to be completely healed from wounds in 2009.
    15 min later
    B: What do you need to hear from me?
    R: Well, for one, you wrongfully accused me of heinous things, then told, I don’t know how many people including K!
    R: I’m going to sleep.
    R: What do you mean?
    B: My phone was malfunctioning. I just had to reboot it.
    B: I was in intense pain. I sought help. I have since told the people I asked for help raving reviews of you.
    R: I’m ready to go to sleep.
    R: Who did you tell?
    B: I have more than done damage control for times when I expressed my pain.
    R: Who did you tell?
    B: My therapist and a few close friends. It’s only fair to have someone to talk to when a person has a trauma. What do you think?
    R: You didn’t have a trauma…I didn’t do anything!
    B: What my friends hear most is I miss R and I love R so much.
    R: I’m going to sleep.
    B: When something is so painful it almost drives a person to su/icide, it’s a trauma. What do you think?
    R: I didn’t do anything!
    B: Am I accusing you? No, we agreed it was a schizophrenic attack. I feel like we keep talking in circles. I love you. I don’t blame you. I treasure you.
    B: How could I lavish you with such rich esteem last week if I thought horrible things about you?
    R: I’m going to sleep.
    B: I wonder if the schizophrenia is blocking my love for you? I wonder if it is blocking these same things we have worked thru and resolved again and again? Good night.
    R: Good night.
    B: We have shared a lot of beautiful, harmonious conversation the past three months. Please don’t let the schizophrenia steal that level of healing we have reached.

    Naturally, I feel frustrated all over again. Whenever it feels like forward progress, it never seems to stick. I have no idea how to relate to him next time he contacts me. I welcome feedback, if you would like.

  61.  #61Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Hi Jilly!

    It’s Monday. Feeling curious to see what the crew is up to tonight. those kids always keep me guessing. 🙂

    Any thoughts, feelings you’d like to express about our shared Interest?

  62.  #62Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Forest Siren: I love your new name.

    I’m feeling kinda tired this morning. I went to a girlfriend’s birthday party last night and saw a group of friends that I’ve kinda drifted away from in the past few years.

    It felt really great being around them. I felt happy to reconnect and appreciated their sense of fun, spontanaity, and acceptance.

    I’m feeling loved up right now. 🙂

  63.  #63forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Heres my feedback Radlove for what it’s worth. I’m not a therapist but this seems like circular thinking which could be a symptom of the schizophrenia. Also a touch of paranoia wondering if you were talking to people about him. And rehashing the past. And reassuring him of how you adore him.

    What do you think of saying to him I don’t want to talk about the past anymore? Would he end the friendship with you? Unless it can be resolved? Because the schizophrenia may not let him resolve anything.

    Disclaimer! Again I am not a therapist or mental health professional! This is just my lay persons take on it.

    Also question. When you said r does not want to talk and he interpreted that as you not wanting to talk is that common?

    Have you talked to a professional about schizophrenia and how best to support the person? If all you were ever to get from r was friendship would you be happy with that? And if you were to continue putting all this effort into it and he dated someone else how would you feel?
    I hope I don’t sound harsh I just am suggesting some thoughts to consider.

  64.  #64Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 10:02 am


    I feel very confused and sad reading your text messages to R. R sounds very distressed to me. Hope he is okay.

  65.  #65Tam on September 3, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Radlove, that felt so painful to read, truly, but I feel scared to tell you any advice, and I have said it all already.
    Basically, he is telling you over and over again. He does not understand what you are doing and saying by using terms that we use here like ‘overfunctioning’, ‘rowing the boat’ etc. It looks like he is pushed into a corner by your relentless texts.
    Your best chance is to just drop it, but I know you don’t want to hear it. It feels like you are punishing yourself.

  66.  #66Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

    (((Siren Angel)))

    I know you are hurting, and I do not take away from the gravity of your feelings.

    But what I see is ok, you are discovering something “off” about this man early on…before it is too late to back out. He is not solid with his commitment to you, AND he is really needing some work in the parenting department.

    So, as much as it hurts, you are finding out what you DON’T want in your life before it is too late. Maybe over time, you will come to see eye to eye with him about things. But I see clearly that your relationship needs time.

    I think a most successful marriage would be one where all the disagreements are resolved before “I do” is said. It is like a cake that is still not done baking. It needs to go back in the oven.

    My personal opinion? He is being ridiculous about the parenting thing!

  67.  #67forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Laughing goddess hi! I googled some of the music you sirens were talking about yesterday shimshai and Tina malia. Loved them! I also made a list of all the festivals you mentioned and miss stix too. I feel a little bit of something I don’t know a pull towards something that I want more of. It will come I’m sure.

    Can you recommend more music?

    I read a sad story about a dog today and sobbed as if my heart is breaking. I feel grief stricken. I feel frightened for the grief that will come in my life not a good way to think but I can’t help it. I’m telling myself that tears are healing.

    I’ve been away for a few weeks it feels nice to be home.

    Last night I was driving home and a gangly baby fawn stepped out into the road. I swerved and thanked the great spirit for protecting us both from that. The dark and lovely forest is where the deer and fawns live …

  68.  #68Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

    From Rori:

    If you’re already letting friends and family know about me, and if you’re doing stuff on facebook (I hardly do) or google+ or anywhere, you might as well get paid for every book you sell! I’m attaching this letter from my publishing company – the way it works is, the person uses your link that has a tracking number on it and ends up on my website page. The link could be on anything, a facebook post, an email to someone….. They sign up for my free eletters, and then if they buy a book – you get $24! (more than the book costs) – (The book is the only thing on this program, wish they’d start giving commissions on Modern Siren and the other programs – they just don’t….)

    I know you don’t have “lists” or “market” – but if you’re out there talking me up, you might as well get paid for it! Please feel free to share this with other Sirens – perhaps ones who have blogs – as I know you will sometime soon….

    Christine is one of the sweetest people on the planet. She’s so calm….

    Love, Rori

    Here’s the info:

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  69.  #69Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 10:11 am


    Yes a guy was driving me on a motorbike. I was not alone and once we started moving I realized that I better hold on to him. I was hugging him in the picture.

  70.  #70Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 10:12 am


    65 = But he is bringing this stuff up! So how is it me keeping it going? I mean I am seriously not sure here…

    If you were me, I really would like to know…what would you say next time he contacted you?

  71.  #71Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Radlove: I feel hesitant to offer feedback because I’m feeling very tired and sensitive and don’t want to catch flak if I say something in a way that triggers you.

    With that said, after reading this exchange, I pretty much feel the same as I have felt about this situation for a long time, which is that your accusations about the false engagement and his efforts at mind control are driving a huge wedge between you.

    It reaks of accusations, making one wrong, blame. And shifting the blame to the schitzophrenia is really no better. It still feels like a covert way to blame him.

    It is possible to misread situations. For example, the way Belle’s post was interpreted on the last thread.

    Like I said, I’m feeling very tired in the moment and sorry if I didn’t say this as gentle as you would like.

  72.  #72Tam on September 3, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Radlove, I don’t know. Keeping it light?!
    It reads like you are trying to push, or be a therapist. Sorry but I am no expert….

  73.  #73Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Forest Siren,

    63 – “What do you think of saying to him I don’t want to talk about the past anymore? Would he end the friendship with you? Unless it can be resolved? Because the schizophrenia may not let him resolve anything.

    Terrific idea. Thank you! I will try that.

    You said, “Also question. When you said r does not want to talk and he interpreted that as you not wanting to talk is that common?”

    No, I still feel unsure why he reacted like that. But one thing that IS common is at times he will get confused in conversation, like he blanked out and forgets where we were and what we were talking about. That could have been one of those moments, but I’m not sure.

    You asked, “Have you talked to a professional about schizophrenia and how best to support the person?”

    Yes, in the past I talked to a number of professionals. At this point, I feel more confident in my own knowledge and understanding than that of most professionals, because I have done a lot of research.

    You asked, “If all you were ever to get from r was friendship would you be happy with that? And if you were to continue putting all this effort into it and he dated someone else how would you feel?”

    No, I wouldn’t. I would feel deeply disappointed and sad if he dated someone else. I feel unsure what to do about my feelings, so I am doing my best to use Rori’s visualizations in the moment.

    Thanks for your feedback!

  74.  #74Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 10:23 am


    72 – Thanks for your feedback! I hadn’t thought of it that way that I am trying to push or be a therapist. I was just feeling frustrated, because he routinely asks me all these deep questions about women and relationships. But it feels one sided, because he never answers the questions themselves.

  75.  #75forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Memulo ok well to me that seems provocative. Just me tho other sirens may have other opinions ..

  76.  #76Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Radlove, you said:

    ‘at times he will get confused in conversation, like he blanked out and forgets’

    I went out with a guy like this. Well it wasn’t a good situation really. I felt like he had suppressed anger towards me.

  77.  #77Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:26 am


    It seems to me like you are doing all the explaining for the past actions/behavior and you are asking a lot of questions.

    I see that when he contacts you again in a more romantic way, your tendency is to rehash/apologize/explain.

    It feels like a constant repetition of this pattern.

    I see you may have a lot more success by simply deciding (together or alone) to STOP talking. Stop talking about the past. Stop asking questions.

    He seems intrigued by softness and finds you and your soul beautiful. Why not focus on just being wonderful you, just BEEING, soft, warm, inviting, and feeling.


  78.  #78Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Radlove @66,

    Yes, it does feel ridiculous and unreal. Thank you.

  79.  #79Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:32 am


    You are doing everything right, EXCEPT about rehashing past disagreements or behavior and asking questions. If you can just stop doing these 2 things I sense you will get much more success and clarity.

  80.  #80Daria on September 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

    forest Siren – lyme is EXTREMELY serious but easily cured. many people go on for years without knowing they have it. i will take my time and bring you what i can offer to help. thank you for asking me i feel honored.

  81.  #81Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Radlove, I warn you, this may be harsh:

    “R: I’m going to sleep.
    B: I wonder if the schizophrenia is blocking my love for you? I wonder if it is blocking these same things we have worked thru and resolved again and again? Good night.
    R: Good night.
    B: We have shared a lot of beautiful, harmonious conversation the past three months. Please don’t let the schizophrenia steal that level of healing we have reached. ”

    Do you see how here is is pulling away and shutting down (from all your questioning and rehashing) and you are answering by trying to ‘fix’ it by leaning forward after all the previous explaining you did (because as a Siren, you already know you’re not supposes to explain). Do you see how if you never went to the explaining, you would not have to do this and could simply respond ‘ok. good night, I am feeling sleepy and warm’ (or whatever words you choose). DO you see how much calmer you would be after such an easy and warm interaction (instead of worried and panicked over all that was said and wondering and hoping that your ‘fixing’ leaning forward worked miracles?)


  82.  #82Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Sometimes people shut down when they are scared.

  83.  #83Belle on September 3, 2012 at 10:42 am


    I felt my heart open and go deeper into a dark and velvety place reading your texts with R.

    I’m interpreting this as you are wanting the person who wounded you to somehow also heal you.
    And he can’t. It’s like you were in a car wreck and you were both badly mangled and are looking to each other to get stitched and bandaged up.

    Your pain is and was real, but he doesn’t have the capacity to heal it or validate it for you.

    I feel choked up with tears right now, I feel so much love for you. I trust your walk with Jes/us and trust you will receive the healing your heart and soul are aching for.

    I’m holding sosososo many hugs and a tsunami of tender compassion for you here in my heart.

    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´¸¸.•

  84.  #84Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:42 am


    I wish you so much love, and I am feeling angry that such an experienced Siren would do this kind of texting.

    Text light and warm. Love. xx

  85.  #85Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:50 am


    Have you ever said these words to R (not followed by long explanations):

    You are right. I’m sorry.

  86.  #86Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 10:52 am

    forest siren I agree with you on the Memulo issue.
    Memulo I hope you will understand what FS is saying.

  87.  #87Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:52 am


    Can you just say ‘bye’ to a texting mini-match that does not feel good to you? Or simply ‘ok’ and letting it be?

    I feel a little triggered here, I hope you are taking it well.

  88.  #88Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Sorry, I meant to say people sometimes shut down when they feel scared of being attacked. Men are very sensitive in my opinion and really fear being verbally attacked by a woman.

    Someone said to me once ‘You build him up to know him down..’

    Dunno, just saying.. I finding it all a bit scary and I feel scared reminding me of the past..

  89.  #89Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 10:55 am

    * Knock him down..

  90.  #90Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 10:56 am


    I feel like FS and FW on this one.

    However, I would not lean forward now as it would only make it worse. If it comes up again you could say something like ‘I felt so fun and excited motorcycling with my good pal, I wanted to share it with you’

  91.  #91Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Siren Angel/Memulo – I would share it as Rori talks about sharing your passion in Reconnect. Talk about the wind in my face, the feel of abandon and excitement riding on the back of a bike, the thrill and the excitement of it all. Living one of my passions though maybe feeling scared shit!less at the time. Forget about the pal. Maybe living the dream of the teenager inside me that I might have forgotten for years and how happy I was jumping at the opportunity when it presented itself.

    Lilybelly, I believe could give some good feeling messages. I believe she is one siren who enjoys riding on backs of Harleys. It is a secret fantasy of mine that I never really engaged in.

  92.  #92Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Daria you seem to be so knowledgeable and resourceful about so many topics.

  93.  #93forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Thank you Daria for your time. (((Daria))) I trust your wisdom in the healing arts.

  94.  #94Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:11 am


    64 – “I feel very confused and sad reading your text messages to R. R sounds very distressed to me. Hope he is okay.”

    I feel very confused, too. I wonder if his distress is real or if it is psychological manipulation. I just don’t feel clear what he wants from me. Something just doesn’t add up.

    If he is truly this upset about 2009, then why am I still in his life at all, much less why is he spending hours a night texting me and seeing me about once a week?

  95.  #95Smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Wow sirens, back to work today. This blog moves soooo fast!

    Tam and forest siren, my laptop had to be kept at work to be updated. Oo and I got a shiny new computer in my classroom! This has made my life feel easier already. It was the source of much stress last term.

    Will havd to dig the cc stuff off my hard drive tomorrow as I havd nothing to plug it into lol.

  96.  #96Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Siren Angel,

    87 – “Can you just say ‘bye’ to a texting mini-match that does not feel good to you? Or simply ‘ok’ and letting it be?”

    Novel idea! Why didn’t I think of that? 😆

    It is really hard for me to walk away. Sorta like a bulldog fighting for a bone, huh? 🙂 I’ll give that some thought.

  97.  #97forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Ooh FW I felt thrilled reading your description of being on the bike. It felt like how I feel horse back riding. But also how I feel on the motorbike. I like how you have to keep balance with the driver and mould yourself to them. If you shift in the wrong direction it can throw everything off. And you follow their lead.

  98.  #98Smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Tam, are you still feeling like a headless chicken?

    Hoping your feeling more relaxed now.

    In terms of preparing for Florida, I would maybe try Roris magnet tool. Also think positively, law of attraction and all that!

  99.  #99Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

    forest siren that literally gave me the sense of movement and flow hehe.

  100.  #100Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Siren Angel,

    “Have you ever said these words to R (not followed by long explanations):

    You are right. I’m sorry.”

    Novel idea! Why didn’t I think of that? 😆 😆

    Seriously, yes, I have. And it seems he forgets how many times I have said them! Over and over we have gone thru this stuff.

    Maybe those are the words he wants to hear.

    I feel resistant to saying I’m sorry over and over because in the past, I was shamed and figuratively had my nose rubbed in my sh’it. So as a point of personal honor, I got to the point where I would just apologize once and then stop.

    Maybe with his schizophrenia, he doesn’t remember how many times I’ve apologized. I apologized as recently as Wed 1.5 weeks ago. Because part of it WAS my toxicity.

    But he doesn’t seem to want to face that I was hurt too. I feel like my deep feelings of pain are invalidated by all he says.

  101.  #101Megan on September 3, 2012 at 11:17 am


    I feel happy reading your comment about how much your life has changed and how happy you are.

    It feels resonating to me, the part about hitting rock bottom but feeling happy anyway.

    Do you practice LOA?
    I recently felt very alone and helpless and in a short time of learning and practicing LOA good things started materializing.

    I feel interested to hear your input on this…

  102.  #102Smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Forest siren

    I like how you have to keep balance with the driver and mould yourself to them. If you shift in the wrong direction it can throw everything off.

    Haha this reminded me of the time I went at the front of a tandem bike and rode us both straight into a ditch!

  103.  #103Smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

    FW, I read many helpful reposts as I caught up on the blog. Just wanted to say thank you.

  104.  #104Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Siren Angel,

    84 – “I wish you so much love, and I am feeling angry that such an experienced Siren would do this kind of texting.

    Text light and warm. Love. xx”

    Thanks for your feedback. I feel “yikes” that I am seen as an experienced Siren. Yikes, I still feel like such a baby in the world of emotional intelligence!

    I need the reminder to text light and warm, even tho I feel cringeing to hear that.

  105.  #105Tam on September 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Hi Smile and thank you!!!
    Yes, still headless chicken though evening time is better. Feeling very unsettled, hope that goes away again …
    Can’t stop thinking 🙁
    Oh, the magnet tool, how was that again..

    How was your first day in work??

  106.  #106Tam on September 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Back at work I meant

  107.  #107Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:21 am

    See how easily the bike riding expedition can be turned into sharing your passion for life and sharing your excitement.

  108.  #108Smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Hi radlove,

    I was wondering who initiates the texts conversations?

    What stands out from your text conversations for me is how they are always about the same thing.

    I agree with other sirens to keep them light.

    Sending much sireny love x

  109.  #109Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Just made myself a yummy almond milk, almond butter, pineapple, mango, been pollen smoothie. I feel whole and healthy and fruity and sweet. Every cell in my body is thanking me for taking such good care of me, even if I am also feeling sadness.

  110.  #110forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Siren angel I feel such a lovely calming soft vibe from you and yet I know you have a strong core. Any man would be lucky to have you!

    Radlove let’s try something together. I want to start saying things like oh I feel tired of texting it would feel so good to do something fun what do you think? can you do that with r? It’s tricky cos you are getting a lot of airtime with him texting about all this stuff so you would be risking that but friendships are about doing fun things together right? and it would be good to get away from these questions and rehashing.

    For me it would be fun to go rollerblading, kayaking, swimming, zip lining, motorbike riding, has r ever been horse back riding? I know these things cost money so what else is free that you guys could do together? Volunteer at an animal shelter? Help with your mom taking her for a car drive?

    Just thinking aloud. I know you are looking for work and have animal and family commitments. I’m writing this for myself too to get away from texting.

  111.  #111Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

    FS, SA, FW,

    Thank you, I will mention something to this extent when I talk to him. I won’t lean forward on this one, plus he is not asking me anything. Maybe it didn’t feel provocative to him.

  112.  #112Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Siren Angel that sounds so yummy and healthy at the same time.

  113.  #113Tam on September 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

    If the truth be known it was the sending of the love song that threw me off kilter. I was lulling myself into a sense of security by telling myself he really just wants friendship….it was getting comfy…and then that!
    And now my subconscious is trying to tell me ‘don’t worry, he’s got someone else anyway’.
    I think it’s my fears speaking…fears of inviting drama back into my life.
    I don’t want drama, I want nice times.

  114.  #114Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Memulo maybe. But it could make for great scripting practice.

  115.  #115Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:26 am


    83 – Wow, I feel your embrace! Thank you so much! That was very, very sweet, and I love the drawing at the end!

    You are right, he isn’t able to bring me healing.

    I feel double confuzzled. I don’t know what to do with this relationship. I don’t know at all.

    Scenario #1: Here’s one idea: If the next time he contacted me I said, “R, I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship. It would feel good to take a break for a while.”

    Then it would be healthy for the relationship, but I can’t do it, because within 24 hours, I would be texting him crying, missing him.

    Scenario #2: I could play it cool next time he contacts me. I could say I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. But then that thing would remain, because here it is 3 years later. Just go with the flow in the moment.

    Scenario #3: I could tell him I am going on an emotional vacation and am not going to be in contact with him for a month. During that month, I could drop all contact with the blog as well, just focusing on me, my heart, my life, etc. But within 24 hours, I’d anxiously be checking the blog and texting R.

    (((My emotional needinesss)))

    Scenario #4: ?

  116.  #116ruth on September 3, 2012 at 11:27 am

    100 Radlove (I feel bad cos this is going to come over masculine, I do not have these feeling messages at all sorted yet)
    Your pain was very real.You have said though that you have done a lot of self work and have healed a great deal.Brava! for that
    However, it was * your* pain, nots R’s.You addressed it and moved on

    keep moving on!

    Does it matter whether or not he acknowledges that pain now it is in your past and healed??
    Why do you need him to validate your pain?I feel confused about this cos you have done so much self healing that this feels as though it truly should be in the past
    Its done
    isnt it??
    I feel all mixedup here.Sometimes you seem like two different people.
    Though i guess we are all like that

  117.  #117Smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Using the word sorry… Found this interesting!

    As women – we can’t seem to say what we feel and what we mean without feeling like we have to backtrack the moment we make someone else unhappy.

    This is your “sorry.”

    Get rid of “sorry” and say “I feel bad.”  “I feel guilty.”

    This is the Words part of all this that makes a huge difference, and this is what I mean by ORGANIC.

    We’re talking authenticity here.  We’re talking truth.

    Now – we need to talk more about WORDS, and how the words we use are either out of our masculine selves or our feminine selves, and this judging thing – how it works.

    If you are judging another – you’re judging yourself.  Period.

    If you’re feeling judged – you’re judging. Period.  That’s how it works.

    So – What Is Judging?

    Let’s make it simple: Judging requires the use of your brain.

    It’s a masculine energy experience.

    It’s taking an uncomfortable FEELING – and out of a need to control, or do something with that feeling other than FEEL it – we go to judging that feeling, or that person who’s feeling that feeling that’s triggering us…it’s all a circle of control.

    It’s a way of resisting FEELING.

    So much of what we do to ourselves is about resistance – that’s where all the pain is – and that’s why I encourage you to let your feelings flow here – not as downers, but as part of the path you have to travel.

    Here’s where the Rori Raye Mantra works with “Be Surprised.”

    Let’s add a helpful thing:  Curiosity.

    I talk about this all the time, and the Trauma Therapy I recommend with Emily Van Horn – it’s all about curiosity.

    About touching the deepest, darkest, most frightening places in ourselves – and instead of succumbing to judging the feelings, or running from them by numbing out, you just get “curious”!

    That’s all you have to do – get curious about your sensations and feelings – they are not the end result!

    Feelings are like fuel.  Like gas in the car of your life.

    Also they’re the rudder of your ship – they’re the compass, the direction finder.

    Try to see the FLOW of all this…see how we bounce around from feeling to feeling to thought to thought.

    What we’re trying to do here is INTERRUPT the OLD PATTERN, and build a completely new process for ourselves.

    An organic process that will become automatic as you practice it.

    This is a lifelong practice.  Start now.

    You fabulous ladies are ahead of the game right now.

    Keep going, and don’t allow yourselves to worry about the impact you have on anyone else.

    Strive for truth – YOUR truth – and stay away from advising anyone and getting into your brains.

    That’s where we all run into trouble.

    Just talk about how your feelings are moving around, how you’re getting triggered – and if you get triggered in a negative way – that’s the time to process through it, and then get to a channeling moment.

    I want this blog to be all positive and uplifting – but when you’re sad, I want you to say you’re sad.  Let others know you need help.

    And if you hear someone ask for help because she’s sad – say how sad you were and now you’re feeling better and so will she!

    Share what YOU did, instead of telling her what to do – and we’ll all stay in our feminine and get the most out of this support group we can.

    I want new women to come here – and I want them to feel free to tell us all we’re brilliant and fabulous, or to tell us all we suck.

    That’s the only way we’re going to approximate the real world and continue to lift each other up no matter WHAT.

    Love, Rori

  118.  #118Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 11:27 am

    oooooooh… I feel cold velvety shivers of revitalization streaming in my body…

  119.  #119Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Tam assume that love is always there. That is what I do now. It might not show up in the clothes you imagine but the practice is in letting go of expectations and the clinging on for dear life. Bask in the abundance and think like a banquet babe. Love is everywhere.

  120.  #120Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 11:29 am


    Ooooh I just want to put my arms around you and protect you.

    He sounds like he wants you in his life, but on his terms, which means being completely submissive and not saying how you really feel at all.

    Don’t you see he seems to know ‘you’re in love’ with him, but yet, he doesn’t seem to allow or encourage you to voice it.

    And this feels terrifying to me. He sounds like a manipulator but I dare say you will havecto like it or lump it.

    You have tried time and time again to get him to open up and he plays dumb. How many chances do you have to give him?

    Move on. Shut the door. You are worth soooooo much more…

  121.  #121Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Forest Siren,

    110 – “Radlove let’s try something together. I want to start saying things like oh I feel tired of texting it would feel so good to do something fun what do you think? can you do that with r? ”

    I like that! Matter of fact, I did something similar just recently, but now I will expand on it. In Rori’s last teleseminar, she talked about the value of play! So you are right where you need to be!

    I was texting R about a week ago, saying how I would enjoy playing board games and just playing and having fun. I am not sure, but I wonder if that’s what inspired him when we were together Friday night into Saturday to be so playful!

    He was teasing me left and right, and it got really funny, and we were both laughing and smiling most of the evening! We cooked together, took a walk in a park, and it was exactly what Dr. Forest Siren ordered!

    The thing that holds us back is that I live an hour away. I feel sure he would be spending a lot more time with me if I lived in the same town again. And I hope that happens soon, when my lease ends October 31st.

    I will maybe spend less time texting him. I truly am getting sick of it, and he must be too!

  122.  #122ruth on September 3, 2012 at 11:32 am

    117 ooh smile

    powerful stuff
    Now i do feel bad about my post to radlove

  123.  #123Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Ruth I find your post really confusing so I guess you are confused. I ask myself if I truly want healing why wouldn’t I grab it and run with it? If I claim healing then where is the pain?

  124.  #124Jenny on September 3, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Posted in old blogg before I saw I new thread was up…so I just repost 🙂

    About ADHD – I got an diagnose of it, since a doctor long time back, saw something else behind my depression.

    For me, to get the diagnose…it was a kind of feeling of release. It made it easier to expain to other way I somethimes can do/think/feel diffrent then what is normally.

    One of my biggest challenger have been to learn to deal with my adhd, so I can function better in a work. How can I use my strenght best…and what can I do in order to handle when my weakness shows up?

    Baby steps, and being honest to myself…it took me like 2 years just to admit to myslef: “I have weakness and strenght”

    Right now, I feel very strong and soft at the same time. I feel fascinated I an feel so complet oposite feeling at the same time.

    My old would have tried to fight the both, or tried to make one stronger, so I could focus on one feeling…

    Now I just accept them both and allow myself to feel them both, and even feeling disconfort from feeling to opposite feeling at the same time..and suddenly I feel 3 feelings…and often I start to feel giggle.


    So about last date, he sant and text and we are meeting tomorrow, and I feel nervous already…Was a long time, the eyes of a man made me speakless. I was a long time since a man looed me so deep into my eyes while speaking and smiling.

    First date I have ever had where I felt; nervous, insecure, shy, strong, soft, female and beautiful – -all at once. I felt strange and at peace at the same time.

    …and the best is the feeling of safe; I know so deep in my heart, that no matter what; My dates is jsut getting better and better

    And I’m feeling very curious about what this young man have for messege for me, what I will learn about myself.

    …oh and I’m starting to be ready for something serious, feeling bored from casual dating…and that feels scary and good and..gah I feel giggling right now.

    Love and light to you all 🙂

  125.  #125Tam on September 3, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Thank you FW. It’s true.

  126.  #126Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

    My personal belief is that the only way to get past the 2009 issues, would be to take responsibility for having expectations and making assumptions that an engagement was imminent and taking responsibility for the fact that the expectations and assumptions are what caused the hurt feelings…and stop making him wrong in any way, even indirectly by blaming the schitzophrenia.

    I would also look into what Rori says about not blaming, criticizing, asking the innocent question, making wrong.

    I would feel so unwilling to get close to someone who accused me of something that I didn’t do.

    I realize this might be a controversial view.

  127.  #127Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

    ruth – you must be triggered. Love that bad feeling.

  128.  #128ruth on September 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

    yes FW, I am indeed feeling confused

  129.  #129Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Jenny I believe the acceptance can be a game changer. It kinds of takes away the power over you and helps to turn your attention to something else.

  130.  #130Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:40 am


    116 – How you said this is just fine. Thanks for your feedback. I don’t feel a need to keep revisiting the past. R keeps bringing it up.

    Sometimes when he does, I try different approaches to handle it. I just was seeing him as all oriented around his own hurt, and I wanted him to see that if I yelled, said nasty things, and crazy texted him (the things I apologized for), that it was because I was in deep pain that I could barely stand.

    I was trying to connect by him seeing that the incident wasn’t all one sided. Apparently it didn’t work.

    I don’t really need him to validate my pain. But obviously something serious happened for me to feel the worst pain of my life. Frankly, altho I am not saying it to him, I think much of it WAS intentional. But I am letting him shift the blame to his schizophrenia.

    I just really am doing my best in a messed up situation. I am not going to sit back and be manipulated or brainwashed into thinking that I caused all of this, because I didn’t.

    HE LED ME ON. I had every reason in the world to believe he was on the verge of a proposal. It was the ugliest, blackest time of my life. I am not going to allow anyone to try to convince me that it was my fault.

    This was psychological abuse at its cruelest. I do not believe he was to blame, altho I believe he was aware at some level what he was doing. I am willing to let the schizophrenia take the blame.

  131.  #131Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 11:40 am


    “Scenario #1: Here’s one idea: If the next time he contacted me I said, “R, I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship. It would feel good to take a break for a while.”

    Then it would be healthy for the relationship, but I can’t do it, because within 24 hours, I would be texting him crying, missing him.

    Scenario #2: I could play it cool next time he contacts me. I could say I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. But then that thing would remain, because here it is 3 years later. Just go with the flow in the moment.

    Scenario #3: I could tell him I am going on an emotional vacation and am not going to be in contact with him for a month. During that month, I could drop all contact with the blog as well, just focusing on me, my heart, my life, etc. But within 24 hours, I’d anxiously be checking the blog and texting R.

    (((My emotional needinesss)))

    Scenario #4: ?”

    These, frankly, feel drama-ish to me.

    A text is a usually about 1 to 6 words. And it should look something like this:

    R: Hi
    B: hi 🙂
    R: what are you doing? what have you been up to?
    B: I feel happy you are asking, I feel very busy today/I feel just cozy today
    R: What have you been busy with/what is it?
    B: I felt so productive taking the dog to the vet and then I had some nice time with a friend

    R: I still have scars
    B: I feel so sorry, really deeply
    R: I can’t get over the past
    B: ok (I understand) /I feel sad
    R: I can’t believe you told/did/said/whatever…
    B: I feel a little overwhelmed right now
    R: Allright
    B: bye

    R: Do you want to go to such place Sat night? but my intentions are not romantic
    B: That would feel like so much fun!/I don’t feel good about that, so no.

  132.  #132ruth on September 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

    dont know if I feel triggered or not FW
    Confused, certainly


    I feel envious and now a bit angry-ugh and bad about feeling like that now.

    Yes, this is a trigger
    But i feel intimidated about sharing this sort of stuff because triggerirng often looks and feels to me like a personal attack

  133.  #133Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Hi Forest Siren, I feel so happy that you liked the music. I’m gonna think about more that I can share.

    I’m feeling kinda triggered right now though so I’m gonna take a break and nurture myself and I’ll get back in a bit.

  134.  #134Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:42 am


    126 – I hear what you are saying. But this isn’t just a case of me having expectations. There were solid, concrete things he said and did that were paving the way to a proposal.

  135.  #135Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 11:42 am


    My point is, you don’t HAVE to tell him or explain that you don’t want to talk about the past. You don’t have to make excuses or ‘act cool’. You don’t have to do anything else than DANCE with him, with your feelings.

  136.  #136smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Tam, here is the magnet tool. It would feel great to go to florida as a magnet…and the best bit …you don’t need to do anything! you already are a magnet!

    So how can I give you something to DO that’s about NOT doing ANYTHING?

    Try this:

    1.Picture yourself as a Magnet for men. See yourself that way from the outside.
    2.Picture men running toward you from everywhere, pushing and shoving each other aside to get to you…
    3.Now go INSIDE your picture and IMAGINE yourself DRAWING in men from everywhere – like a magnet you hold on the beach draws in thousands of little pieces of iron from the sand.
    4.Now imagine that all you have to do is SMILE, and men will drop from the skies, fly at you from everywhere, and STICK to you like glue.
    5.The next step is to simply EXPERIENCE how it FEELS to be a magnet (If you’re doing it full-out, it might feel uncomfortable and downright scary…)
    I want you to do this small baby-step 24/7 – wherever you are, however you feel. KNOW that you already ARE a magnet -just because you’re a girl! (It doesn’t matter what age you think you are – you’re a girl, and you don’t have to do anything but BE what you already are!

    It would feel great to imagine men running towards me. It reminds me of the lynx advert for men!

  137.  #137luzydel on September 3, 2012 at 11:46 am

    7 moths of no contact with “S” wow I don’t even miss him and sometimes I think about him but nothing else.
    I can do this with “Dw” I can not contact him or reply to his texts. I can just disappear for him too.

    I Will take care of my emotions, and since every time I get in contact with Dw, I end up wanting more and “that more” is not given to me, and then I feel angry frustrated and start feeling clingy, I rather not go through this game again. Just do like men do, Leave!!!
    I do not need to give an explanation as to why I left, I just do, for my own sake I will. This is not what a want, so I leave it where it belongs (the Past).

  138.  #138Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:47 am


    71 – I honor your tired, sensitive feeling self. 🙂

    I DIDN’T imagine it. I overheard his prayer three weeks after the incident, saying, “Brenda, I do, right? You accept, right?…what should I do? Don’t I deserve a little respect? ” That sort of stuff.

    I think it’s probably better to just not talk about the past again for a while. We aren’t getting anywhere.

  139.  #139Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Ruth I said triggered because to me the scenario triggers confusion. I believe most people on the blog have an unconscious hope to see her sister siren healed. In the absence of this healing or suggestion of a clinging to the past it is my feeling that everyone kinda gets pulled back. For me personal I feel triggered to help others to keep their hopes up for their own selves and keep having faith that working the Rori tools will keep us moving forward. I believe it is a choice.

  140.  #140Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Siren Angel,

    135 – “You don’t have to do anything else than DANCE with him, with your feelings.”

    I really like that! Thanks!

  141.  #141Tam on September 3, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Thank you Smile, that’s great. I was briefly picturing me running for shelter as the guys are dropping out of the sky…this is making me giggle and has really cheered me up. I need to copy/paste this and take it with me 🙂
    Thank you!

  142.  #142Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Siren Angel,

    131 – I’ll try giving brief feeling messages around the sensitive topics. But as a whole, our texting has turned into full conversations for hours. I like what forest siren said about not texting so much.

    But when we do text, we are having rich conversation, not just passing the time of day for five minutes. He said he would pick up the phone, but he doesn’t have sound privacy, living with his parents. So I go with it. But maybe from now on I shouldn’t, except for 5-10 min. It really is getting kinda old.

    It had its place, and it helped me think thru feeling messages and slow down my communication. But maybe it’s over now.

  143.  #143Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Tam that was funny. I am here giggling at you running. I picture myself zoning in on more than one that is hot, sexy and have all that I dream of in a man. Then watching them competing to get to me first and offering that relationship with all the juicy commitment.

  144.  #144ruth on September 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

    139 FW

    I think I do feel triggered now

    But i feel scared to say why
    I am feeling very vulnerable after last week on the blog and i felt yucky for days after

    Right now I feel wiped out after not much sleep about eight hours driving and a very tough marathon this weekend.
    i dont have the mental and emotional resources to deal with a lot at the moment
    So feel hesitant about posting more
    I apologise for being “cryptic” and i doo feel weak and silly for having to say this, but its the truth

  145.  #145Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Rad love:

    Maybe we can agree to disagree on this one. I have read every single one of your posts over …what, three years now and I feel very strongly about this. I can see that you do too.

    It feels futile for me to offer feedback if we can get past this point.

    I do feel curious about what he meant by “don’t I deserve a little respect?”

    I love ya, Radlove but this situation seriously makes me feel like banging my head against the wall.

    It would probably feel better if I just mind my own business.

  146.  #146Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 11:56 am


    Yes! Except he is leading the dance and it’s backwards. He moves back a step (cold, talks about the past, just a nothing text) , you move back too (ok/bye). He moves in a step (nice text with no past/invitation), you move in too.

  147.  #147smile on September 3, 2012 at 11:57 am


    113 – You are so on your bridge, keep going, keep feeling. Don’t worry bout trying to work it out and what it means.

    Going back to work didn’t feel as exhausting as I thought it was going to be. It feels so rewarding. I feel excited about tomorrow but i know i will feel shattered by the end of the week.

  148.  #148Daria on September 3, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Thanks FW I feel seen and smily 🙂

  149.  #149Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Ruth that reminds of HALT


    Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

    This tried and true slogan helps us to stay in touch with our feelings and needs. Sometimes the onset of anxiety or a sudden drop in mood can be traced to our having forgotten to eat so our blood sugar levels are off kilter. Sometimes we may be carrying a resentment, or feeling lonely, or we are just too tired. Taking a little time out from our busy day to ask ourselves if we are feeling too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, gets us in touch with our feelings. When we know what we are feeling we can make choices and take the appropriate action to get our needs for food, companionship, or rest, met.

    Being too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, are conditions that leave us more vulnerable to the temptations that lead us away from our program of dual recovery. Part of recovery is learning to pay attention to these inner signals and practice appropriate ways to meet our needs and resolve issues in a manner that will enhance our abstinence and serenity

  150.  #150Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 11:59 am

    In feeling messages…

    I feel sad and defensive for R (I don’t even know him) because I know how bad it feels to be accused on something that I didn’t do.

  151.  #151Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 12:00 pm


    “He said he would pick up the phone, but he doesn’t have sound privacy, living with his parents. So I go with it. But maybe from now on I shouldn’t, except for 5-10 min. It really is getting kinda old.”

    I see a potential easy evolution to the phone when you stop texting. Have you ever considered that if you keep the texting light, he may feel compelled to call you on the phone for these conversations?

  152.  #152Tam on September 3, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Ok, Smile, will do. Will sink into my fear and anxiety. Good advice..
    I hope it’s horminal and will go away…
    Glad to hear work was ok!

  153.  #153smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    tam, glad it cheered you up. I imagined your legs feeling really heavy to lift as you walked along the beach due to the long line of men attached to your ankles, clutching on as you strolled across the sand watching hot men surfing 🙂

  154.  #154Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Oh Smile. I feel so sad reading about that expectation. I felt an aawww of disappointment inside.

  155.  #155smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I have noticed a big change in my emotions when I came off the pill at xmas when strummingman moved out.

    I feel more balanced.

  156.  #156ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Oh yes

    I fulfilled all the big four of HALT this morning
    Funnily enough i was just thinking about that

    The H has been dealt with, but not in the best way

    (you know there should be another H for Hormonal too really)

  157.  #157Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:02 pm


    120 – Thank you! A lot of what you said resonates with me. When I got off the phone with him last night, I felt emotionally exhausted. I felt like walking away.

    But now today, I already feel the excitement abou the next time he will contact me.

    Relationships aren’t supposed to be this difficult. It feels like he is raising the stakes. Like yeah, my feelings don’t mean anything, and if I want him in my life, I am supposed to apologize for being hurt to the core. Ain’t gonna happen.

    I am thinking maybe I need at least an emotional attitude of walking away. I don’t know if I have the strength to walk away and take a break, even for a month. Just going to go lay on the bed and snuggle with my doggies for a while and soothe my heart.

  158.  #158smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    FW, which expectation?

  159.  #159Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:03 pm


    If you feel like I am holding back the other women, feel free to discuss it with Rori. I don’t intend to hold anyone else back. I am processing some deep stuff in my life, and Rori has welcomed us to do that on her blog, to use it sort of as a journal.

    I am doing my best here with my process.

  160.  #160ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    155 Smile
    I came off the pill in 2005 after about 20 years on it
    I had the opposite experience!

    I feel happy that you are feeling more balanced though

  161.  #161Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    ‘but i know i will feel shattered by the end of the week.’

  162.  #162Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Siren Angel,

    151 – Very wise, right on, thank you! Yes!

  163.  #163Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:06 pm


    150 – What if he DID do it?

  164.  #164Tam on September 3, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Smile, truthfully I was laughing out loud with the ankles comment. I just hope those men aren’t the aging (married) Italian Gigolo that was stalking me on the beach and went through great lengths explaining to me that he is single because his wife is on a work assignment out of town (yuck), or the huge guy who took his shorts off last time whilst talking about economics…,and lets just say the GDP was not growing but something else was!! I RAN!!!!
    Just imagining they’d hold onto my ankles too, I’d scream for help 😉
    But yes, I’ll be dragging most of South Florida’s male occupants by my ankles…sounds good to me 🙂

  165.  #165Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Siren Angel,

    146 – “Radlove,

    Yes! Except he is leading the dance and it’s backwards. He moves back a step (cold, talks about the past, just a nothing text) , you move back too (ok/bye). He moves in a step (nice text with no past/invitation), you move in too.”

    Nice, thanks!

  166.  #166Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Tam – I almost fell off the chair laughing.

  167.  #167smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Ruth, I have read a lot of people experience bad side effects like stomach cramps with coming off it too.

    I have been on it for 11 years.

    I feel fortunate.

    I remember I always cried every 3rd thursday…I felt so low at times, even though my life felt happy and good. I would just be awash with depression for a brief time. Since I have come off it, I have not experienced my every 3rd thursday dreaded day.

  168.  #168Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I wonder if any of you ladies have ever brought up the conversation about the man taking at least some of the responsibility for birth control?

  169.  #169smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Tam, I guess you will have to sift through what your magnet attracts. A bit like putting a net into the sea, pulling out some beautiful fish but also an old shoe and a rusty tin can!

    I feel giggly!

  170.  #170Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Radlove: what if he didn’t?

  171.  #171Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    It seems we assume the responsibility is ours, though I can understand the reason why.

  172.  #172Tam on September 3, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    FW, feeling happy to have amused me. Both those stories happened and I still laugh about them now.
    I still see the Exhibitionist now and then, well he is harmless, even though he did nearly poke my eyes out 😉

  173.  #173ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Smile, my PMT is a thousand times worse off the pill

    BUT I have been quite enjoying feeling my natural hormonal cycle which i had not felt since 17
    even if i smash things as i am so clumsy in PMT week

    there is one week of real mental clarity too

    I just have to make allowances for myself in thebad week

  174.  #174Tam on September 3, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    To have amused you!! Not me, well me too..

  175.  #175Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:14 pm


    145 – It makes me feel like banging my head against the wall, too. So I can imagine it makes you feel that way. BTW, it's been 2 yrs plus a few months. I started on the blog in April 2010, altho I started listening to Rori's programs April 2009.

    You said, "I do feel curious about what he meant by “don’t I deserve a little respect?”"

    I wonder about that, too. I think he thought I was pushing him out of the relationship bubble, as it were, and that it was HIS decision to be in a relationship or not. My theory is that he was trying to teach me a lesson about listening to what he said, that he didn't want a relationship, even tho he was DOING things that totally led me on.

    LG, we can agree to disagree if you like.

  176.  #176Tam on September 3, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Smile yeah, lots of old shoes and tin cans…but they have their uses 😉

  177.  #177Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I do believe the possibility that he was entertaining the idea of an engagement and perhaps got cold feet.

    Nothing I have read over all of these years gives me the impression that it was done intentionally to manipulate or control.

  178.  #178MissStix on September 3, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Oh I wish I had time for a lengthy response…


    He is triggering you into explaining.

    Take some breaths and sit in it a while. Re-read the convo. Stop any and all apologies or explanations. No more re-hashing. Be firm.


  179.  #179Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 12:17 pm


    Why do you want a relationship with someone who keeps ‘raising the stakes’?? why? why? why?

    This is not a relationship!!

    You shouldn’t feel ‘bad’ every time you try to discuss how you feel with him. He should be warm and kind and want to ‘know’ how you feel. Not shut you out.


    It looks like pain to me…

    I feel so sad. I am picturing you lying on your bed crying and that feels bad that this ‘relationship’ is making you feel like this.

  180.  #180Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:17 pm


    170 – I have a number of things that are solid PROOF.

    Here are the things that happened within two weeks of his fake proposal:

    He started talking about a proposal almost every evening, saying things like a proposal is the most romantic part of a relationship.

    He got a loan for a few thousand dollars, not telling me what it was for.

    We went did karaoke at a bar, and he sang a song about, “I’m working hard to buy you a ring.”

    He talked about how wonderful it was that I was losing an average of 3 lbs a week, calculating when in the future I would be down to my right weight.

    I took a sneak peek in his journal while he had it open, which I know I shouldn’t have done. It said, “I want her to be dazzling on our wedding day.”

    He had a small, stuffed angel with a pocket sewn in the back for holding prayer requests. He had given me an angel, too. When we went to the diner or now and then, he would ask me if I still had my angel. We would pull them out, and he would hold his up to mine and pretend they were kissing.

    One night when he was leaving my house, he left his angel in my bed. The way he looked at me, just before he dropped it, left me with the impression that it was accidentally on purpose. Again, I know I shouldn’t have looked at his prayer request, but it said, “Please help me let go what I need to let go so I can be with this woman.”

    He had gazed at me for a long time, saying, “I love you,”, while looking deeply into my eyes, on several occasions.

    We had played around sexually off and on, never actually having sex. He said he didn’t want to see a lover orgasm unless he knew she was his Soul Mate, and they were committed to each other. So he never took me to that point. Just close to that point. He asked me what I would need in order to have sex. I said I would have to be married, or at least engaged. He said one night, “I think I will be having sex in the very near future, like in the next few days!”

    I am 15 years older, and one night he said, “I think a woman will remain youthful well into her older years if she is well loved.” He said the same night, “I want to forget how old I am, and when someone asks my age, I want to say, ‘I don’t remember.'”

    We went to the diner and I enjoyed the most romantic activity of my life! We each took a piece of paper and wrote a line of a poem. Then we switched papers and each wrote the second line of each other’s poem. then we switched papers again, back and forth, until we felt content that it was finished. We realized that the two pages blended perfectly as the beginning half and ending half of the poem. The most significant line he wrote was, “She is ALL he ever wanted.” I will post the whole poem in another post, for those who haven’t read it.

    Right around the time he took the loan, my own ring disappeared from my jewelry box. I didn’t say anything, because I assumed R had borrowed it to size a ring.

    On a Sunday morning, I was at church while my friend, Cris, and her two kids were staying at my house, because they were temporarily homeless. After church, I went out for lunch with a friend. When I got home around 1 or 2 pm, Cris and her kids told me R had been there. I said, “Whaaat??” He never came without contacting me first. They said he hung out for about 2 hours, waiting for me. I felt surprised he hadn’t contacted me for two hours. He had hung out in the dining room for a while, then used the bathroom, then gone out to his car to wait.

    When I went in the bathroom, there it was! My own ring! Setting on the center of the counter in the bathroom! I ran out excitedly telling my friends, “He came to propose to me! He was here to propose!!” I excitedly called him, and I left a voicemail, letting him know I was happy he had stopped by and I was home now.

    For the next 5 days or so, he seemed very reserved, and ultra vigilant of everything I said and did. He didn’t return my call until the next day. He didn’t see me until Tuesday. We went to another karaoke at a bar and he seemed super withdrawn. All thru the evening, over and over, he asked, “How are you doing?” Like he was waiting for me to say something.

    I figured if he was going to propose, maybe he got cold feet, or I don’t know what. But I knew at least that much, that he is the one who should bring it up. But I felt really, really weird!

    My leaning forward self invited him to an outdoor festival that Saturday. My leaning forward self bought him a half dozen of wooden roses that were being sold at one of the stands. He seemed uninterested. My leaning forward self was nibbling on his hand as we lay on the ground where the concert was. He pulled his hand away. Something felt horribly wrong, and I was too blind to how badly I was operating in masculine energy to realize what I was doing that was not working.

    In the afternoon, he had me drop him off (he is on disability and the only car use he has is when he borrows his parents’ cars).

    That evening, he called me and said he has something important to discuss, asking if he could meet me at my house. I was out with a friend, so I arranged to meet him in a half hour. I remember saying to her, “This could be really good or really bad.”

    We sat on the sofa, and he asked, “How are you doing?”


    “Everything is going all right?”

    Again, i felt like he was trying to get me to say something about why he had come last Sunday unannounced and hung out at my house. Finally he said, “I just wanted to tell you, it’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.”

    With those softly spoken words, I felt the deepest pain I had ever felt, because all my love, hope, dreams, and trust were at their height.

  181.  #181ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    168 FW

    lets just say that in the dim and distant past I wasnt always in a committed relationship.
    So I made sure i could not get pregnant

    The BCP was then the most reliable thing around

    I would not have relied on the man-saw it as self protection really

  182.  #182smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    FW, its my truth that I often feel exhausted after work 🙁

    My job feels so rewarding though a million times over, that I put more effort in. I am trying really hard to get a good work life balance. Being around young children feels demanding and exhausting, but in a good way. I work with challenging children, lots of individual needs. Many of the children’s homes and backgrounds are not good, so a lot of my work is about their emotional needs as well as their education.

    I feel cared for at work though and have a supportive environment.

  183.  #183Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm


    179 – Thank you. Thank you for helping me feel clear minded. I need that insight. I need my head cleared. It feels confusing sometimes.

    So on that basis, when he contacts me next, I should say this feels bad and I need a break for awhile…


  184.  #184smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    FW – It was always my control, I wanted to take responsibilty whilst I was younger.

    I would be open to other methods now though.

  185.  #185Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:23 pm


    And again, do you co-write a poem this rich in meaning just a week or so before telling a woman you are not in love with her and it is just a friendship?

    We alternated writing lines. HE wrote the line, “She’s ALL he ever wanted”

    Beyond Intimacy

    Delving deep into her heart
    Profound emotion lifts her to a heavenly plane
    A plane where,
    Where the sensation
    Falls on her spirit like the first warm rays of spring sunshine
    She’s uplifted,
    Heart, mind, body, and soul,
    She is woman, she is beauty, she is life
    She’s ALL he ever wanted,
    They dance,
    The dance of the Spirit
    She has ceased being Her
    Has gone beyond even being His
    She has given birth to
    No, they have given birth to a new life…
    Some of the most beautiful words in language!
    Total consciousness in their being

    Yes, their one Being!

    Beyond touch, beyond words,
    The dance of spirits elevates
    And twists beyond ALL bounds…
    Beyond all bounds, two spirits mingle beyond this earth
    Never to return,
    They have landed in Heaven
    Male and female, heaven and earth, passion and tears
    Floods, floods of emotion
    Fill their souls
    Raining down warm cleansing rains of sensual fulfillment
    Sensual fulfillment,
    Beyond any they’ve ever known,
    Floats them freely down (up??) the stream of
    The stream of
    Heavenly intoxication
    They’ve tasted
    The fruit,
    They’ve tasted
    The wine,
    They’ve tasted

    The Beyond of intimacy!

    Ryan and Radlove
    July 9, 2009

  186.  #186ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:23 pm


    Every time I read about this radlove I feel pain

    I cannot begin to imagine what you must have felt

    I want to help

    I know i cant though

    Only you can do that

    Thank you for sharing Roris mails earlier BTW

  187.  #187Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Radlove: re 180 see 177

  188.  #188smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Ruth, I felt sad to read about your PMT. Slather on the love during that week!

  189.  #189smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Tam, felt giggly at the poking of eye out comment to FW. Got my chuckle button that did.

    Florida sounds interesting lol 🙂

  190.  #190ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    188 Smile


    That feels nice to read

    The worst feeling is the “wading through treacle exhaustion”

    but i expect i shall miss it once it is gone

    *little wry smile*

  191.  #191Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm


    I believe the part about ‘you are the first domino’ in Modern Siren really applies to your texting. Domino simple, nice, feelings or simple, bad feelings. And if they all crash down, say ‘bye’ or ‘talk a little later’ if the latter distresses you too much.

  192.  #192Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    ruth I understand. But then my mind goes to STDs?

  193.  #193Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:28 pm


    My Mom just called bursting with good news! She discussed moving in with me with both of my brothers today. Amazingly, they are in agreement!

    In the past, they weren’t, and they said they are not going to be supportive in any way if I remove her from the nursing home. I guess they see after almost 2.5 years that she is just wasting away in sadness and hopelessness.

    They talked with the social worker at the nursing home, who set up a meeting on Wednesday, when I pick her up to come home for a week. Yay! The agreement of my brothers will make all the difference in this.

  194.  #194Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Radlove, I would add that if you choose to text a simple bad feeling and he does not reply, that doesnt mean that you should domino simple after to reassure yourself that all is ok.

  195.  #195Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Radlove, I meant:

    Radlove, I would add that if you choose to text a simple bad feeling and he does not reply, that doesnt mean that you should domino simple nice (or worse explanations) after to reassure yourself that all is ok.

    Stand by your move, and react to his NEXT move.

  196.  #196smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm


    “wading through treacle exhaustion”

    I imagined you building up really big muscles here, good exercise lol! My mind is being silly tonight 🙂

  197.  #197ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    192 FW

    yes, quite correct that it should FW

    I was a lucky girl
    I am talking about the eighties here

    I think nowadays there is more emphasis on asking the man to use a condom

  198.  #198Laughing Goddess on September 3, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Radlove: I really remember all of this. I’ve been paying attention to what you’ve written all along and none of these details have escaped me and reiterating it to me again isn’t going to change my perspective.

    Right now I feel sad and frustrated.

    I feel hopeful that I might have a little tweak that could change everything between you two and I feel so sad that it isn’t being received.

    I imagine that you feel similar.

    I have to get to work now. I will read your response later.

    I feel bad that you spent so much time reiterating what I’ve already heard when I know we both have so much going on. I don’t want to argue with you about this. Ultimately it’s your life and you know what is best for you.

  199.  #199Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm


    Absolutely! Spot on.

    Then my guess is he may ask you a leading question like ‘are you okay?’

    He doesn’t really mean it, because in the past when you have said ‘no, you are not’, he’s not really been interested.

    Just let the question hang in the air. It’s his way of sucking you in so that you say you are okay and he can feel like he’s not the ‘bad guy’ anymore.

    Don’t respond, whatever you do. He knows where to find you…

  200.  #200ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    196 Smile

    well, yeah

    A silver lining to every cloud and all that

    Strength training

    I shall remember that next time
    But i think tam will do better with her ankle weights

    tee hee

  201.  #201Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Siren Angel,

    191 – You are a pro on the art of texting!

  202.  #202smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    FW- a lot of the time I used both when I was younger…double protection!!!

  203.  #203Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:33 pm


    199 – Ok, thanks. This is going to be really hard. I am going to let you protect me, since I feel so confuzzled.

  204.  #204smile on September 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    200 Ruth….sooo funnny!

  205.  #205Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm


    Re: Your mum.

    Yaaay!! I am so happy for you! That sounds wonderful news.


  206.  #206ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    193 radlove

    this sounds like good news
    When your lease is up will you need to move to especially adapted accommodation?

  207.  #207Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm


    I am sending you a big girl friendship huuuuggggg…!!!!!

  208.  #208Tam on September 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Smile, yep, Florida is perfect for CDing… You can’t even go to the cornershop without bumping into acouple of nice guys – and people are super talkative.
    Lots of eccentrics…which makes for plenty of stories – I could write a book!! 🙂

  209.  #209Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 12:44 pm


    Feeling loved, despite our conflict. I hope you feel my love, too.

    I didn’t write all that out about 2009. I copied and pasted, so no harm done.

    Feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

    Everyone, I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just can’t keep up with responding at the moment. I’ve been on the blog all day and have to get other responsibilities handled. I will come back and interact some more later. I love you all!

  210.  #210Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    I’m having adternoon coffee with a friend. Feeling curious why he wanted to see me

  211.  #211Belle on September 3, 2012 at 12:46 pm


    Okay, this feels very familiar to me.
    My recently reconciled lover and I have been off and on again for 10 years. We had times of being extremely abusive to each other, and to make it worse, it was often on psychedelics which made everything exponentially more confusing and painful.

    What I came to realize over time is that I kept holding out and holding out, thinking someday he was FINALLY going to validate that he was abusive to me. He was FINALLY going to validate MY version of what happened.

    As much as that man loves me, it never happened the way I wanted it to.

    It was only shortly after first coming to this blog that I shifted around him. I had to finally validate ME.
    I had to admit how much pain I had been in and felt to ME, which meant for a while I needed to stay away from the person I perceived as hurting me.

    I don’t know if you read my posts from not that long ago, but I laid up sick on my couch for days re-shaping trauma memories. The T I had been defending myself from was the imaginary one in my head. I had been fighting stuck memories and interacting with that guy from the past.

    I used my imagination to rewrite the memory and there was a cascade of traumatic memories that came unstuck…it unleashed so much energy I felt manic for a few days!

    Not 24 hours after rewriting my old stuck memory to where HE said he was sorry, so sorry, he didn’t mean to hurt me (which was really me apologizing to me for hurting me)….T called me and offered validation. It didn’t come the way I exactly wanted it to, because drat it he wouldn’t just say outright he was abusive, but he did validate the experience in a way that satisfied me and we’ve been interacting with each other in way that feels easy and comfortable ever since.

    I didn’t get it, though, until I first gave it to myself and didn’t NEED it from him anymore to feel better.

    It feels good that you can feel me and feel all of this love bursting at the seams for you!

    I feel more tears and laughter as I feel you, soul to soul and I’m feeling moved to go sit at my altar and offer up a prayer for relief and tender forgiveness.

    hugs and hugs and more hugs

  212.  #212ruth on September 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I feel so intrigued by you and your posts Belle

  213.  #213Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    BW I got this from Patty Contenta. I figure you might find it interesting.

    The fastest way to transform yourself… is DELICIOUS! By: Shakaya Leone

    The simplest yet most empowering choice you can make in your life is how you eat.

    Food is a magical substance. It contains not only the energy of Earth and Sun, but also YOUR energy. The fastest way to transform yourself is simply by eating…isn’t that so simple and amazing!
    Foods carry energy…fruit carries the sweetness of life, abundance, fun and beauty; veggies bring balance, clarity, refreshment and calm; grains bring strength, kindness, variety and comfort.
    Do you want to be a Sorceress of Power and Love and Prosperity?

    Eat your greens! Do you want more sweetness in your llife? Eat fresh fruit!
    The juicier your foods, the juicer you and your life will become!

    Eating food from the earth in its natural state cleanses and clears not only your body, but also your emotions, helping you to release stored pain and stuck feelings; allowing in light and love.

    Food is a love letter.

    Whole foods, a gift from the earth infuses our being with the shimmery and delightfully open energy of our inner goddess. Your shakti will rise. You will stand tall in who you are like a queen. Of lace. When we walk in our goddess bodies we inspire others to do the same. We are all worthy of health.
    With this amazingly sensual, brilliant and confident energy that is wholly ours, we bring so much to the table besides amazing and healing food. We bring the calm. We bring the wild. We bring the possibility. We bring the flirt. The tease. The adventure. We bring the stability and the flexibility. We bring that divine rock-star, that cosmic creatrix. We bring our dreams to the surface and live the life we love to live!

    Eating this way, living like this is gigantically hot.

    It’s anything but ordinary. But if you are like me, ordinary never spoke to you anyway. You know there is something more…
    Food is about who we are and who we want to become.

    I want to help you open your mind wide and your heart wider, to sign your name on your own life-changing legacy. I will bring you to places you least expect on an adventure of trying new things and eating food filled with enchantment.

    I invite you to savor pleasurable foods with ancient, glorious wisdom that will keep your eyes and heart open and your body fully rocking, radiant, sexy and strong

  214.  #214Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 12:51 pm


    I always expect the guy to take the BC responsibility, just because I don’t like pills. I do check that he does it.

  215.  #215Daria on September 3, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Personally I feel very triggered about the STD thing.

    I feel so annoyed by this STD attitude I found in the US.

    That’s not something I want to be concerned about.

    If a man is concerned about STDs with me, I feel turned off.

    I judge him bras man who wouldn’t honor the sacredness of sex.

    I feel so frustrated thinking of this STD attitude.

    Maybe just like people on that continent got educated culturally and socially to feel afraid of these diseases in particular way more than other diseases, I got culturally educated to look down on them for that.

    I feel a bit sad. I would like to heal this.

    I feel resistance to drop my stance on this.

    Dropping my stance feels like horror shock and compassion.

    I also feel powerless.

    I want to heal this fear of stds – in others!

    What’s under that. Fear, fear of not being judged seen and honored. Fear of having my vulnerability and beauty not seen.


    Fear that men will not honor sex with me and be Ickes out by the natural messiness of sex.

    Boundary : if a man isn’t willing to have sex w me without a condom … No sex w him.

    I feel a bit insecure w no name man cuz he was the one who thought about the condom.

    I feel sad and not loved for sure.

    I feel confused.

    I feel sad.

  216.  #216Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Forest Siren @110

    “Siren angel I feel such a lovely calming soft vibe from you and yet I know you have a strong core. Any man would be lucky to have you! ”

    Awww… thank you 🙂

  217.  #217Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Daria I honor you with that. I have a friend whose friend’s body was devastated through AIDS. I also had a colleague who died from it. I can also give you case after case of women who cause STDs from men. But I don’t feel like trying to convince.

  218.  #218Sassy on September 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    WOW!!! That’s all I feel safe expressing at this point. HUGE HUGE triggers and anger and frustration bubbling up and over. WOW

  219.  #219Smile on September 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    I felt more concern over getting pregnant than std’s. Now though pregnancy doesn’t concern me, I’m ready for a family with the right guy.

  220.  #220Smile on September 3, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Tam, I feel excited that your going to be getting sooo much attention!

  221.  #221Dominique on September 3, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Ruth -173 – There are several wonderful natural things you can try for your hormonal swings. For older women, I suggest red clover infusion to be drunk several times a week. Black Cohosh tincture is an excellent one to try as is dong quai though this one needs to be taken with ginseng.

    Gentler but awesome for mood stabilizing is motherwort tincture which you can take anytime and for as long as you like. No cycling needed with this one.


  222.  #222ruth on September 3, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    oooh, thank you Dominique

  223.  #223Tam on September 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Daria, frankly I feel mad. I have heard this from men in Florida who tell me some women refuse condoms. And they know who sleeps with who and the whole attitude to sex is casual…my bf and I both were tested before having unprotected sex, when he raised it I felt happy that he was taking responsibility. Most other men don’t, and they also circular date and hop from bed to bed and spread their nasties. I was already triggered when last time you wrote about using herbs.
    But I am not sure if this is a good thing to promote on a blog.
    It is possible to get cancer from HPV…it is possible to be infertile from Clamydia. Of course, HIV etc. All this you don’t see or smell, and if you want to take the risk, sure, but promiting it as a healthy or ‘Sireny’ thing to do is irresponsible. Sorry.
    I am triggered by that.
    I think it is a good man that looks out for his and his woman’s sexual health.

  224.  #224Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    No need to LABOR for Happiness – what a title for an email.

  225.  #225Jilly on September 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Laughing Goddess 🙂 I am behind with the last two shows but I’m going to watch it tonight anyway 🙂 So I have no idea what is going on…

    But I will be back to catch up with you about it 🙂

  226.  #226Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Tam I kinda feel surprised that you being from the continent of Europe is reacting so strongly as there was a suggesting that I am from a certain continent and don’t know better. Anyway I guess like me, you are not a glutten for punishment.

  227.  #227Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    correction “glutton for punishment”

  228.  #228Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Sometimes this is what I want to say to R:

    Please forgive me for using the following crude saying, but it is very appropriate to describe what has happened. “Don’t urinate on me and tell me it’s raining.”

  229.  #229Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm


    215 – Have you read the statistics about how widespread STDs are??!!??!! Like 25% of people have herpes, just for starters!

  230.  #230Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Arrgggh! I feel as addicted to the blog as I do to R.

    Grrrrr at me!

  231.  #231ruth on September 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    228 radlove
    Ok, this feels inappropiate but I really giggled at that
    So, so true

    um, resonates with me tonight-some rather nasty communication in my neck of the woods
    i laughed lots and now i am crying

    its a good statement

  232.  #232Tam on September 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Fw, no I was shocked when I heard how little people care about sexual health in Florida. And both sexes which strikes me as even more absurd, since women are at higher risk for catching STD’s. People will volunteer information as they are quite open, here it’s not so much talked about and certainly in my part of Europe there isn’t much promiscuity, for lack of opportunity maybe. Not sure.
    I guess there are responsible and irresponsible people everywhere. And I wasn’t always a Saint, but I hope that I wouldn’t risk my health again for 5 minutes of fun, no.

  233.  #233Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Memulo @47,
    “No friends with M:) He has to fight for you now. Otherwise it can be a repeating cycle, every now and then he will start having doubts. You want to feel safe, right? Please let him realize how wrong he was letting you go.”

    Thank you for the gentle reminder. It’s going to one I am going to feel deep in my stomach if I am missing him too much by when (if) he suggests that.

  234.  #234Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Siren Angel,

    I would not sleep with a man who would not wear a condom unless I saw recent test results. I saw M’s before and even then we were using them as BC. Then he got snipped and it felt so yummy… oh… and very special.

  235.  #235Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    I meant Daria, FW and Memulo, about BC/condoms/STDs in previous comment.

  236.  #236Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Siren Angel that sounds great. I remember feeling. Very valued the last time a man who has a lot of options told me he was fantasizing about sex with me without condoms. I know him enough to know he was telling me he feels safe.

  237.  #237Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    By protecting yourself with condoms, you are taking care of yourself, your beautiful sacred body. This IS being a Siren with boundaries.

    What does it say to a man when you are risking your health and life for him?

  238.  #238Smile on September 3, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I have Very strong opinions when it comes to having safe sex. The thought of not wearing a condom meeting a new guy wouldn’t even cross my mind. The only time I’ve not used a condom is when I’ve been in sexually exclusive relationships where the guy has been tested. My first relationship of 10 years didn’t count to get tested as we were each others first.

    my boundaries are that strong that I don’t give it much conscious thought, there’s nothing to consider or think about. That’s the way it is with me. Take it or leave it.

  239.  #239Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Yes Siren Angel. Men are attracted to women who treat their body in that special way. I can give lists of experiences with men to prove that. I even shared with me his judgemental thoughts that would trigger everyone here of women who don’t. I believe men are into special lovE stories too.

  240.  #240Smile on September 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I am strong on the inside but soft on the outside …( makes me want to say armadillo everytime!) Do sirens know this advert from years ago? Even though it’s the ops way round.

    I feel so much joy in my life, it always outshines the bad bits.

    I feel energetic when I smile.

    I feel proud to be me on a daily basis.

    I feel so much love for myself I’m going to treat it to a rest.

  241.  #241Daria on September 3, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    for me a man insisting on using a condom with me would not feel like i was having my body treated in a special way

    thats why i have a boundary on that

    if i wanted to use it, of course i would want him to do that as well

    but if i dont and he DOES!!!!! that would feel HORRIBLE

    no way

    my body is sacred and special, its not a infection clinical need of sterilizing thing

    associating sex with STDs to me feels so heartbreaking

    like saying *kiss* and then the associations being *flu!* *strep throat* *danger*

    instead of passion, love, connection

  242.  #242Daria on September 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    i dont ever risk my life and health for a man, thats not my take of it at all

    natural sex does not mean risking my life and health (to me)

    im aware and actually feel respectful of other womens choices, as well as my own, and i always do exactly what i want when it comes to wearing a condom or not

    this feels so sad and disturbing. i hate these views that trigger me to feel judged for enjoying natural sex

  243.  #243ruth on September 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Daria I do feel connected with you on that one
    Im not having sex so it does not count
    I absolutely HATE condoms
    you dont get as close
    an yeah, the implications

    but, its not worth the risk unless you know the history

    which is kind of sad

    I am not anti casual sex, ive done enough in the past but if you do that you havr to take care of yourself

  244.  #244ruth on September 3, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    you dont *have * to
    it is a choice and a risk and one i took a long time ago

  245.  #245Smile on September 3, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I feel so caring towards my body I would use a condom, no questions.

    I accept stds are reality.

    My high quality men feel caring towards my body and their body too.

  246.  #246Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    For me a man insisting on using condoms to protect his own health is a man who is telling me he has boundaries. I would not want to control a man around that. As a matter of fact I would respect his boundary and perceive him as a man with high commitment potential. He has a right to have preferences in protecting his own temple so I see it as an area for negotiation that respect both our boundaries. I imagine that there are men out there who have gotten STDs from women so they make their own lifestyle choices.

  247.  #247ruth on September 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Tonight I have got “feeling messages” used in an agressive sense back from my man
    the last being he “feels angry and does not want to talk”

    he never did this before i used the messages
    it may be mirroring, but it feels so nasty

  248.  #248Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm


    When I am trying to ‘get over’ a man I go to my online dating site and just look, look, look.

    I click on and read and absorb as many profiles as I can find.

    I don’t have any exprctations, I just read the profiles – all men different shapes and sizes and ages. I just click, click, click…

  249.  #249Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Ruth most men I know hate condoms too, plus some women are allergic to the material they are made from. It is out of sensitivity to the woman’s wish to get pregnant amongst other things that these men choose to wear condoms.

  250.  #250Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    ruth sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. They have to get used to the new you. Then again, there are some men who just don’t want to.

  251.  #251Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    i feel FURIOUS about this shaming and risking health thing

    this is not about anyone here either, its just bringing it up for me to heal

    i can just be glad i dont have to deal with this mindset in my own self,

    but i feel so 🙁 about it

    and people whos view is like mine with comments on those who hold other views as *they are crazy. or they are stupid. or they are idiotic. they are obsessed.* only make me feel powerful by closing off in my heart. and that doesnt feel good in the long run

    i dont want to feel closed off

    i want to feel heard and seen and celebrated and loved!

    ok i had a small shift in that, this is my way of taking care of me, and others have other ways of taking care of them

    its like the getting in the car with people i just met thing

    some people have no interest in being open that way and thats still ok,

    i feel no interest or wouldnt feel comfortable or safe doing other things that some people regularly do such as trust doctors

    i dont want to get in a debate, even in my heart or head

    gently i can open

    yes it feels shocking and scary to hear about those ways of thinking and doing things

    im here for me while i feel those feelings



    i honor and trust my intuition my sacred sexuality and i want to feel safe from taking on any beliefs that dont feel good

    and i am safe

    and i can speak about me and my feelings in a gentle self loving way

    this just feels more gentle, trusting of life and of myself, sacred way for me

    there are men who will worship me this way, and im ok

    i feel scared im not! those people said ill be judged

    im ok

    i am safe

    im a safe place

    the men who want to connect with me will not be concerned about who judges me. they will want to worship and love me

  252.  #252ruth on September 3, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    well, good on the men

    I am not allergic, but i just hate them so much
    I love to feel skin on skin

    But, its not sensible in a lot of cases
    Anyway, academic in my case

  253.  #253Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I also encourage you to look at why he does not want to talk. Most men tend to run away from “we need to talk” because it triggers memories of past incidents when they were blamed and criticized about doing a bad job at the relationship.

  254.  #254Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    FeminineWoman – i agree, i would want a man to be taking care of himself

    i would not want him to want to use a condom with ME though, if i didnt want to.

    there would be no sex with me until i felt that he was ready to lay his sexuality at my feet and give me all of himself in this way

    though if this came up i would feel so scared and not honored i imagine i would close off and not be open to continue seeing him again

  255.  #255Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    My experience shows me that for the most part men are the ones who jump to sex and sex talk first. So my thinking is a considerate, responsible man will want to protect the woman and himself.

  256.  #256Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Daria I believe all men will want to lay their sexuality at your feet. Even without meeting you. Yes, I believe love sex that much.

  257.  #257Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    i really dont feel worried about any risk with sex

    i dont feel worried about risk with kissing either

    if a mans penis smelled bad or seemed to have an issue, i would feel concerned then

    its not a *risk* to me

    im totally willing to a catch an easily curable disease

    the most trouble ive had is with UTIs that i got while using condoms

  258.  #258Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    I believe men love sex that much. That’s why many of them think ahead and have condoms in their wallets.

  259.  #259Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    FeminineWoman – that feels awesome and i feel a sigh of relief

    yes i believe they will too

    the ones that wont are not for me

    they might be a better match for another woman

  260.  #260Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    i know 🙂 men love sex and that feels so happy to meeeeeeeeee

    i love that about men so much. they are brave and are willing to worship the goddess and see her in that moment in any woman

  261.  #261ruth on September 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I have no idea if he is p888d off with me or with work
    he hasnt said
    I nhope this is not game playing

    him using FM like this is throwing me a bit
    But, i just texted “ok” to when he said he was feeling angry and didnt want to talk
    Prior to that he had said he was p**d off
    I asked if he was p**d off with me and he hasnt said anything
    feels horrid, but I just have to let it go

    I an *really* uncomfy with him using feeling messages
    i sort of thought that was a womans tool

  262.  #262Dancing Siren on September 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    This is an interesting topic for me because everything is going well in my relationship currently. REALLY well.

    And it feels alien to me.

    I like it… well at least I want to, but it’s almost like my system is on high alert saying ‘this can’t be right, there must be some hidden danger somewhere here’ and it feels hard to control my anxiety levels.

    In fact I know trying to control isn’t the way.

    And I just feel so silly and ashamed for feeling anxious when things are going well!!!

    And I feel a bit terrified, cus all those unconscious patterns are coming up to heal about how relationships can never work for me, I can’t have my happy ever after, blah di blah….

    How they always mess up sooner or later.

    But, they don’t. Not really.

    It’s just that before I was a Siren they always broke.

    Well I think I always broke them. Not totally on my own but… well… that is the past anyway.

    I itend to relax and enjoy this, and it feels hard when my system is so used to drama.

    It is hard to trust when I have never experienced a real LTR as a Siren.

    Ok… just gonna give myself a big hug, and smother it in love.

    All that anxiety, all those NVs, everything that is coming up to heal.

    I Love you DS!

    Love You. You are safe here.

    I will take care of you. It’s ok.

    Feels odd to be feeling so anxious when things are going well and everything is quiet and just kind of ok…

  263.  #263ruth on September 3, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Thank you for your input

  264.  #264Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    i dont want to be protected from each other during sex

    i want to be vulnerable and connect deeply

    sometimes lol

    im totally intuitive on this one

    i just feel happy i dont have fears around this

    i feel scared i will *catch* fears, like i caught fear of bees that i played with all my life by copying kids who were afraid of them in the us

    im getting over that fear of bees mostly tho

    i want to heal this fear of *catching* fear

    i wont catch fear

    ok the fear now is of being judged

    and left out

    and feeling lonely

    and being the odd voice out ”always”


    here comes daria again with her crazy ideas that are the total opposite of all of us. eye roll

    ok this is a trauma i would liek to heal

    i want to feel ok with always being unique,

    since i will always be unique

    i dont want to feel like the odd one out ! im JUDGING OTHERS !

    i watn to see the uniqueness in everyone!

    wow that just melted everything

    its no longer a line up against me

    its just everyone with their own ways and path, and this ones mine and she has that one and she has that one and etc

    wow that feels so soothing

  265.  #265Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Radlove – i have oral herpes! i think like 9o % of people here in Romania have it since we were young kids

    thats what really triggers me, the whole shame about that when i came to the US was a big trauma for me

    of course people have it in the us too and call it fever blister or cold sore

    it feels really triggering to me how judged i would feel telling people oh its just my herpes!

    here where im from its … it just is… not cute but certainly not shameful

    that shame feels so awful!

    i hate it!

    also i dont believe a high percentage of people have genital herpes in the us

    i dont belive or rely on statistics in general for my life, unless they make me feel good to read

    i feel better and safer with my intuition

  266.  #266ruth on September 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    No, its not a line up Daria and there is no eye rolling

    Just saying

  267.  #267Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Feeling refreshed and hopeful down to my soul… Thank you coconut water. Thank you Universe.

  268.  #268Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    ruth – thanks for the reassurance! i feel worried that that might be taken personallyl – thats all in my head its a pattern of perceiving i have!

  269.  #269Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    wow changing places changes a lot about what i feel comfortable sharing and talking about!

  270.  #270ruth on September 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    i am not taking it personally

    Time for a little run

  271.  #271Daria on September 3, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    do i limit to a man without judgements tht trigger me ?

    not on just this oral herpes topic, but what about others like, fat being ok, no classes, etc

    or do i just not trip and expect that hes gonna come with some judgements that trigger me and have me feeling heartbroken and alone?

    i feel confused about this

    what if i have a gay kid

    is one im concerned about now. i want my man to support my parenting style completely

    i might never have a man

    thats ok

    id rather have one that reallly aligns with my non judgement values

    wow thats pretty deep to discover

    i Will have a man

    there Are men like that, who are on to non judging and even if they do find they hold judgements they will be willing to see them as such and adjust

    i feel stuck now

    oh yeah i can just follow my feelings

    but what if the man who does the most loving and consistent stuff for me is the one who is like, into war, or into judging ethnicities, or,

    well that just wont work for me

    i remember smiling now when i went to my OG friends house and was like, yup its a herpes on my mouth

    i felt so scared i was practicing radical honesty then


    Getright man was there and he was judging me and then he saw OG drank out of the glass after me and he was all shocked and i felt all special lol

    i dont know that id put myself out there agian knowing how people judge but it did feel awesome as a babystep

  272.  #272Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Ruth don’t ever ask if he is pissed off with me is one of my new beliefs. That is trying to open him up. As Rori suggested a few articles ago I will just sit with the unpleasantness rather than try to fix it.

  273.  #273Dominique on September 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    What you can do or say though I reserve this more if the mood has been going on for awhile is this: “You seem upset/mad etc.. Is there anything you want to say to me/tell me?”

    In Ruth’s case since he already said he is feeling angry, I would suggest first to let it go as she you did initially. An, “okay” is fine. And then go off to take care of you, not allowing his off energy to affect your good energy. If his mood continues for a long while, doesn’t resolve on its own, and/or he doesn’t share with you what’s going on, then ask him, “Are you mad at me?” This can help to break is ill humor by the way.


  274.  #274Senara on September 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Senara feels like you should join in the conversation now.

    Senara is my “little self”, the one who guides me most of the time when I feel overwhelmed and confused and I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. She led me here. She is sufficiently experienced to know the exact moment I need to seek out assistance.

    And this is the right time, it seems. So Senara says.

    So this will be my story, one amongst so many others here. It is no worse or no better and it does not deserve more or less attention than any other post. I am mostly just seeking an outside look at my situation.

    My man and I have been together for two and a half years, we do not have children nor are we married. We have been living together for 11 months now.

    We love each other very much and generally, our relationship is great, but lately, the s*x has been kind of non-existent.

    I feel a little bit silly and uncomfortable sharing that since I am not one to go look for help, not usually anyway, and surely not about s*x, although I am very open about it – I am just a very private person.

    But that is not even what triggers me, really.

    I feel even more sad about the fact that we don’t seem to connect that much about the things I care about. Sometimes, I feel like what I am passionate about does not resonate with him, I don’t feel his interest and it frustrates me.

    And this makes me sad because I always show interest in what he enjoys and does. I always listen to him when he shows me his stuff and enumerates every little single detail of his new CD or DVD. I don’t interrupt, I don’t ask questions, I just nod and smile and say things like “hey, that’s great!” or “I feel happy to see you all excited about that!”.

    Today, I told him: “I feel like what I am saying is not important”. He replied: “It is important but I don’t know anything about it.” I do not feel like going into an explaining mode with him, that would be masculine.

    There are days where I wonder if I am at the right place or if I don’t let myself being too bothered about that “touchy” subject.

    I put that “touchy” into brackets because it is a touchy subject to me.


    I would like my man to show more interest in the things I do and I don’t know how to do that without nagging him.


    I would like to know how to be able to let it go and not let it ruin my relationship with him, because despite all this, I feel deep, tender love for him. He is a good man and has been through a lot, as I have, and we are both healing together and we try to be as gentle to each other as we can. I feel our bonds are strong and that we have a lot to bring to each other.

    Thank you for reading.

  275.  #275Daria on September 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    im excited cuz now i actually found a CURE for herpes (i also know of a diet to cure it from chinese medicine that neighbor cds acupuncturist friend knows and will get to me)

    this cure uses messages to the hypothalamus to activate the virus from the root and then heal it

    yay i feel excited (and a bit mistrustful yet still excited) i can check this out and

    if it works i can share with my mom

  276.  #276Daria on September 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    AND! i will never have to worry about genital herpes at all! woooo hooo

  277.  #277Daria on September 3, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    now i feel worried – it feels so uncomfortable talking about this – i dont have genital herpes….

    but if this works what a powerful healing tool it would be for people who will come to me for help with that

  278.  #278Senara on September 3, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    I just wanted to add that Senara is a “toddler” siren, not exactly a baby and not an experienced siren either.

    Her songs are sometimes a little discordant although she strives very hard at always giving a soft, velvety smooth feeling to her words.


  279.  #279ruth on September 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    thank you
    this is exactly what I have done
    been fior a run and will now sleep

    Jus a bit freaked by the feeling messages
    it sort of feels like he is trying to out smart me

    I jnow how silly that sounds


    I have had a supendously long day and it will feel sooooooo good to sleep.And tonight , i will,Yum

  280.  #280ruth on September 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    273 dominiqu, I already asked that and got” did i say i am p**ed off with you”

    After two texts saying he was P888d off

    Um, well, okay

    I will just leave it tonight
    best thing to do

    thank you ladies

  281.  #281Daria on September 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Forest Siren – i have some ideas for you

    i would tap and do energy healings and belief shifts on ”nothing works for me”

    which is vibration of Lyme.

    a Theta Healing interview i heard the speaker cured himself of Lyme with that modality, I would google Theta Healing Lyme and see if I could get him as a practitioner

    I have Wild Oregano Oil (wild is important, will look to find where mine is from, its Excellent, or can be googled and researched), it is amazing as an antibiotic. I would take that, and take Grapeseed oil as well – seems that covers a different stage of the bacterias life

    that will be like your antibiotic treatment

    then to get the lyme out of tissues – joints, brain… may be more easily accessed by the oils than synthetic antibiotics, but there are herbs to get the bacteria out of ”hiding places” faster, i found an herbs regimen for that that feels powerful to me here


    so id do those herbs – good source for powerful herbs are mountainroseherbs.com (may have to make your own tinctures if thats required) and the energy work

    and I feel confident with that!

    i will update with anything that comes up for me as important, as Ive had a lot of this healing come across to me lately

    especially i would start with the energy work to get stuff moving and gain more energy to direct to my healing

  282.  #282Daria on September 3, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    you can also search for a LLMD – a Lyme Literate MD

    you can be tested to determine the SPECIFIC type of Lyme bacteria you have, and that can be directly targeted by an antibiotic treatment (most of the types can be specifically targeted)

    the herbs at the Two Frogs links above along with the antibiotic can help make sure the antibiotic is able to reach the bacteria

    i would make sure im doing the energetic healing along also as thats hugely important!

  283.  #283forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Daria again you totally rock! Thank you thank you. Am very interested to find out that ‘nothing works for me’ is a vibration of Lyme. Oh I feel excited about natural remedies. I will keep you posted ((((Daria))))

  284.  #284Daria on September 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    ”The biggest common denominator seems to be that Lyme arrives when some anger has gone unexpressed and when self-love does not match the degree of love and blessings these folks spread into the world. The anger may stem from an anger at the way society treats the disenfranchised, or it may stem from early child abuse; it may relate to seething resentment from a relationship or series of relationships; it may come from a feeling that life has unfairly passed the person by even though they’ve sacrificed a lot to serve others. I don’t notice a pattern to the cause of anger, but the anger seems consistent among the many, many Lyme folks who’ve contacted me for Medical Intuitive readings. The second common denominator comes from the disparity between all the love going out from these folks and the degree to which they allow themselves truly to receive nurturing and love without a sense of earning it or paying it back. Lyme folks tend to be major givers with high vibes before they catch the spirochetes. Lyme arrives as a chance — albeit a difficult one — to become one with all that love flowing through their words and deeds. It becomes a chance to experience their own love the way others experience it … to realize that the universe supports and loves them and wants them to shine even brighter than they allowed themselves to imagine before.”


  285.  #285Dominique on September 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Ruth – 278 – Usually if the behavior is out of character for the most part, i.e. not a pattern with him, I encourage women to leave it alone. He’s entitled to an off day, a bad mood too.

    It’s when the mood continues for more than a day that I suggest saying something.

    I think you handled this all very well.

    And try not to fret about him using a feeling message. it’s okay. Likely picking up on yours.

    Have a good sleep. Things will likely feel better in the morning. Your exhaustion is not helping how you are feeling right now.


  286.  #286Daria on September 3, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    thank you Forest Siren. It feels honoring and empowering to have my gifts appreciated.

  287.  #287Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 4:23 pm


    265 – Ok, I see where you’re coming from about the shame factor.

    If I followed my intuition on something like that, I’d be in bad shape. I am too trusting by nature.

  288.  #288forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Radlove I think your role on this blog is vital. We all get to participate in your journey we get to share the tools and what works for us and your story is powerfully triggering for all of us. Thanks for sharing and being so open.

    Regarding rehashing the past. You say if you don’t resolve it it will just be hanging there. Leave it let it go. Say I’m not comfortable discussing that anymore. I understand you see it differently but my perspective is valid too. Radlove for you you see the context. R may only see the specific and forget or get confused about the context.

    This morning siren angel shared that she had forgotten to tell m about the convo she overheard on the stairs. It was a significant piece of ‘evidence’ that might change the outcome of everything if m was made aware of it. And yet she took the advice to let it be to not persuade him of her side of things. You could do the same. Both you and r are each mirroring the same thing – he wants you to believe something and you want him to believe something.

    This issue may never be resolved ever! What remains to be seen is if you leave this be can you move forward and have a friendship now in the present.

    It is my belief that r feels safe with all the texting about the ideal relationship. I’d move it away from that as soon as at all possible and see can he do friendship himself on a regular basis. Whatever that means. Ask him those questions what a friendship looks like and get away from the idealization of romantic love. I’m all about romance believe me I just like it to happen instead of talking about it.

    I think siren angel had some great tips about the dance of response. Thanks SA!

  289.  #290Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 4:28 pm


    211 – That’s some deep stuff. I really appreciate you sharing that with me. That must have taken a lot of strength to work all that healing thru your subconscious!

    Thanks for your compassion. Hugs back to you!

  290.  #291forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Thank you Dominique I so appreciate this!

    Also Daria I’ve not tried eft yet tho of course I’ve heard you mention it a lot here. Where is a good place to start?

  291.  #292Dominique on September 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    forest siren – Your immune system is likely compromised. A wonderful immune booster is St. John’s Wort even though it is commonly known for its anti-depressant qualities. Use tincture only.

    By the way Daria, it’s also an incredible remedy for your herpes simplex. Use the oil though which I think you have at the first signs of an eruption.


  292.  #293DeeDee on September 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    when a guy has disappeared for a week, no emails or calls, what to do I do when he finally comes back? a) tell him nicely I cant see him anymore b) tell him I was upset and have decided to date other guys but still meet him for coffee or other low status dates c) be accepting of his reasons and keep dating him as normal? I’m so confused!! Pls help

  293.  #294forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Oh great idea thanks … Can I get that over the counter here? For some reason I seem to think in europe you can’t although I could be wrong.

  294.  #295forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Radlove one other point is that sometimes when we get a lot of input from others it can be really confusing which is why it’s nice to go back to how do I feel? What do I know about this situation? How can I best take care of myself etc etc. and learn to trust our own intuition too. Xo

  295.  #296forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Daria just read Laura Bruno website excellent stuff thanks.

  296.  #297Daria on September 3, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Dominique – thanks, I actually find that on its own it had very slight improvements in treating a blister

    what im researching is a complete cure for herpes, not a symptom treatment.

    i hardly ever have symptoms now, and doubt it will ever be an issue after having the wild oregano oil i have available, and also having done the Quail Egg Diet – i dont get strong fevers anymore which is what would trigger fever blisters for me

    treatments that did work pretty well – i have a silver zapper,

    Lysine supplements

    and fulvic acid capsules (Vira-max ?)

    also Valtrex the drug does work but i felt worried about using it long term. the Fulvic acid capsules worked similarly and just as powerfully

    im sure the wild oregano oil would work excellently, but wont be having a chance to try it on myself 🙂

  297.  #298Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Forest Siren,

    292 – Yea, I was feeling that.

  298.  #299Daria on September 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    i forgot what i came to write and that feels frustrating for me… 🙁

    i can get very sad about forgetting something taht was „important”

    im feeling upset about this

    im still feeling good though

    maybe i wanted to write aobut the magicalness of things

    of my experience of life that is



    im celebrating my blood earlier tonite!

    wooo hoooooo Daria blood

    magical magical stuff


    ((((Daria blood)))))

  299.  #300Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Forest Siren,

    286 – Thanks! Good stuff.

  300.  #301Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 5:22 pm


    206 – I have no set plan to move, because I have no job and no money. But if I can, I want to move back to my home state (an hour away) and to a first floor place that is wheelchair accessible. Grab bars could be installed in the bathroom for my Mom.

  301.  #302Starbright on September 3, 2012 at 5:27 pm


    I thought you did a trial run with your mom staying with you and changed your mind about living together some months ago…Maybe I missed something!

  302.  #303Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    He said you can take a side job and improve your money situation.

  303.  #304Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Or take a loan from a bank. He said you will figure something out.

  304.  #305forest siren on September 3, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Hmmmm Memulo don’t like that sorry! What did you say how did you present it? It sounds cool to me like it’s not his problem.

  305.  #306Annie on September 3, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Radlove, Hugs.

    You initiated the conversation so were the one in masculine energy.
    He hasn’t got a clue why you were hurting.
    He does not understand.
    He is unable to put yourself in your shoes and see it from your perspective.
    He has told you he thinks you have no reason to have felt the way you did.

    He is telling you this here loud and clear.

    “B: I am not accusing you. I am telling you what I felt and experienced. Those feelings were real.
    R: Yes, but those feelings WEREN’T for real things.”

    Do you see here how he things you have no reason to have felt the way you did.?

    “B: I have more than done damage control for times when I expressed my pain.
    R: Who did you tell?
    B: My therapist and a few close friends. It’s only fair to have someone to talk to when a person has a trauma. What do you think?
    R: You didn’t have a trauma…I didn’t do anything!”

    You felt what you felt, end of, but he really honestly does not understand.
    Can you see this if you read this back?

    I felt uncomfortable reading private chat you have had.
    I felt bad like was spying on someone.

    It felt painful to read.

    If some good comes of this though and healing and moving forward occurs that would feel good to me.

  306.  #307Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    183 – I said, “So on that basis, when he contacts me next, I should say this feels bad and I need a break for awhile…


    I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I’m strong enough. I feel weak.

    Everyone, thank you for your input on this. I read your comments. Just feeling too much to respond. I love you all and even if it doesn’t feel like it, you make a difference in my life.

  307.  #308Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm


    299 – “Radlove,

    I thought you did a trial run with your mom staying with you and changed your mind about living together some months ago…Maybe I missed something!”

    You are correct. It hit me after the fact that they had her going cold turkey off vicidin, and it had to be messing with her chemistry. They wouldn’t send it home because it was a narcotic. Really unfair to both of us, especially her.

    I specifically requested that this time it go home with her. And she and I have talked a lot and are going to try harder to get along.

  308.  #309Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm


    I want to add something that just came to me. Every time you bring the past up in your explanations about the way you behaved, you are REMINDING him of it all!

    If you answer in simple FMs, he will most probably drop the subject and move on to more interesting conversation and very possibly over the telephone. The vibe I am getting is that he is hiding behind the texting.

  309.  #310Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Miss Stix,

    178 – “Radlove

    He is triggering you into explaining.

    Take some breaths and sit in it a while. Re-read the convo. Stop any and all apologies or explanations. No more re-hashing. Be firm.”

    Yeah, thanks.

  310.  #311Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm


    I said I feel very upset and that I am about to be thrown out of the apartment. He offered his advice, he started looking on the internet for how much I can make having a side job, told me to look into it. Or said go to the bank and show them you are working and ask for a loan.

    His ex is asking him in court 7.5 times more per month than my estimated expense in this situation.

    He is kind. He really is. He is generous. Apparently not towards me. He did sound concerned. He tried to calm me down, said stop crying, you will handle it.

  311.  #312Lizka on September 3, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I need more of your help sirens. My new CD is texting me everyday, often multiple times a day (but he hasn’t today so far…) but doesn’t seem in a rush to see me… I am feeling a little bored of the text messages, it feels too friendly for me. It feels kind of exhausting to have to entertain him all the time and sometimes I just don’t know what to say anymore and I feel boring and he must think I have nothing to say. What is a good way to tell him that I’d rather see him than text?

  312.  #313Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 5:45 pm


    I have been getting terrible hormonal mood swings (they feel hormonal in my throat, I don’t know how to explain it, they TASTE hormonal in my throat, if that makes any sense to you). I also feel like I am getting my period a few times during the month and they correlate in the timing of these moods/feelings in my body and taste in throat. I would love to find something simple I can add to my smoothies to ‘balance’ the ups and downs, because they make me very anxious. If you know of something, please let me know. Or if a tincture would be much more efficient, I am open to that.

    Many thanks

  313.  #314Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    I don’t know, sounds like I don’t mean much to him, doesn’t it? He offered to get me a lawyer, I said it only adds to the cost, I will have to pay him. He said – oh you only have to pay for an hour of his work or if he goes to court.

  314.  #315Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Siren Angel I know about those tastes in the throat things. I remember 3 weeks into being pregnant with my son I experienced something similar. It see ms like the taste started deep down in my groin area and traveled all the way to my throat. I mentioned it to my ob/gyn and she said no worries we can check you. It was 3 weeks but I knew and tests confirmed that I was pregnant. Not suggesting that you are pregnant but our bodies really have an intelligence of its own.

  315.  #316LiliBee on September 3, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Hi Sirens! 🙂

    I’m back from vacation.

    I feel weird.
    I mostly feel relaxed and sleepy…but I feel weird.

    My muscles were feeling stiff and tense all week, up until yesterday.
    As soon as my muscles felt relaxed, I started going to the bathroom…aaaall day today.
    It’s like my whole body let go of the tension.
    I released it and let it go.
    I feel flowy.

  316.  #317Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Reading back over everyone’s posts to me today. You Sirens are so wise. Thank you so much for speaking into my life.

  317.  #318Annie on September 3, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    himself not yourself in your shows.

  318.  #319Turquoise on September 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Tonight Mr. Conversation told me if we were a couple, he’d ruin my life. I’d spend all of my time trying to encourage him and bring him up because he’s always disappointed in himself and dreams that don’t come true. I felt so extremely sad for him because he’s never had anyone believe in him or be supportive. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be loved for him, he feels used by everyone, including his mother and siblings. It feels tragically sad to me that people do so much damage to each other and just don’t care.

    If any of you have read that book about the love tank? His is empty, it has holes in it…. everything goes right through. I don’t know how to help him without leaning forward and caring.

    I really like him, and I feel like I’m going to have to put aside any romantic feelings I have and lean forward and give love freely, just to even try and help him heal. To be his friend. He admits to having abandonment issues and needing a lot of attention. He wants to be together daily. He did get his divorce papers last night and we all met up at the drive-in and had a really great time.

    It’s hard because one day he feels great, he’s upbeat and so motivated, the next day he feels sad or frustrated… then a happy day, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t feel I can pull away, nor would I want to. But I know it’s totally unsireny to lean forward and help this much. I feel very lost and unsure. I feel like I’m shooting myself in the foot for him to see me as desirable, but that he needs me and doesn’t have anyone else that he’s even close to letting in. I wish I could just wrap my arms around him and make it all go away. He got teary eyed tonight telling me that he’s never had anyone really love him or care about him. He feels no one understands him.

    I don’t know what to do except continue to be there for him and to listen.

  319.  #320Annie on September 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    grrr shoes. 🙂

  320.  #321Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm


    Yes, they travel up to the throat. But there is no way I can be pregnant because M got snipped last December. Unless, the operation didn’t work… which is extremely rare. But it confirms my strong feelings that this is hormonal.

  321.  #322Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Hey Lilibee welcome back girl.

  322.  #323Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm


    That sounds heartbreaking. I feel so moved by your compassion for Mr Conversation. However, are you sure you are interested in having a romantic relationship with him?

  323.  #324Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Siren Angel,

    306 – Totally agree. It was an accident using our past as an example. I realized it a moment too late.

    Yes, I have felt that he is hiding behind the texting for a long time. You are the first person who gave me a good idea how to get away from that. I really appreciate all your input today! It helps tremendously, and I am saving it.

  324.  #325Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    I feel like crying, but there are no tears. I feel stuck. I feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel.

  325.  #326Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 6:10 pm


  326.  #327Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Turquoise he sounds like a guy I know. Just that my guy is tough. He used the hardships to push him forward in life but he finds it very hard to trust anyone though loyalty seems very important to him. He isolates him mostly, aside from his sporting activity and his business. He has been cheated so much he says he is afraid of people.

  327.  #328Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    I also read that book about the love tank. What I took from it was that I have to work on filling my own tank.

    I believe if Mr. C really looks around he will see people who love him. As Gay Hendricks put it, this is the program he is running and he will always

  328.  #329Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    I was my usual overfunctioning self, and I initiated with R a little bit ago, not feeling content to just let this thing fester on the shelf.

    B: Hey

    R: Hey

    B: I feel stuck. Help.

    R: How?

    B: I feel unsure. I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship. I can’t live with you, and I can’t live without you. How can we solve this?

    R: I don’t kno.

    B: I feel completely confused. I have the hots for you.

    R: I think honestly you should move on.

    B: I’ve been trying to for three years. They broke the mold after you were born. 🙂

    B: This connection with you is making me yearn. I don’t feel strong enough to follow through, but this staying in contact is not serving me.

    B: What do you think?

    R: I think you should move on.

    B: You already said that.

    R: That’s what I think…Bottom line.

    B: I feel too weak to follow through, but it would feel best for me to stay out of contact for a little bit. Arrrgh, this is so hard.

    B: What do you think?

    R: I agree

    B: Ok. I love you.

  329.  #330Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    manifest this until he changes his story. I would let go of the sympathy if I were you. Your best bet is to inspire him through your life. He has to see himself and want to change that story.

  330.  #331Siren Angel on September 3, 2012 at 6:17 pm


    I feel he gave you advice and tried to be supportive. And maybe he really can’t help financially right now because of his own court expenses but otherwise would have, but he did offer to help you find a lawyer and he did look for and suggest solutions for you, even though they mat not be viable or realistic or may not be what you want. The best you can do is thank him for his help and keep him updated in FMs. Also, he might ponder it for a while and come back to you with financial help. He may be trying to help you solve your problem before he offers money as last resort.

    That said, I really do think you should invest in a lawyer that is not expensive and make it clear to the lawyer you want to keep your cost as low as possible. What you want is to be informed of your rights in this situation. Then, if there is something to do, you could invest in a lawyers letter.

  331.  #332Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    (((Siren Angel)))

  332.  #333Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Also Turquoise you don’t want to feel pity for him. That is very unattractive and could turn into resentment in a romantic relationship. I believe I would affirm him and let him know I believe in him. Also let him know t

  333.  #334Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Also let him know that you appreciate him trusting you with his troubles. But if they feel overwhelming I would let him know too.

  334.  #335Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Can I die now? 🙂

  335.  #336Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    I sure would like to know what he’s feeling right now. I hate this.

  336.  #337LiliBee on September 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    D shut his phone off the whole week we were on vacation together.
    He only checked for his son’s calls.
    When they didn’t come, he shut the phone off for the week.

    We got along really well.
    We were on the same page when it came to splitting expenses.
    It wasn’t an issue, and we didn’t have to negotiate.
    He paid more often for the both of us.

    I felt him drift off far away in his bubble often.
    I let him be and just did my own thing.
    I felt a lack of passion and attraction during that time alone together.

    I felt worried about it at one point.
    I shifted my focus on my own triggers and my own feelings.
    I just observed myself.
    I didn’t do a thing about it, I just let it be and observed myself.
    I felt the tension of the urge to be worried and control.
    I didn’t like the feeling.
    I really felt how bad that tension feels.
    I lost the will to hold on to that feeling.
    The 1st and only thought that came to my mind was “this feeling isn’t serving me, I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”
    It just vanished.
    I felt calm, peaceful and flowy.
    That’s when my muscle tension melted away.

    We got back in town to his place last night.
    I had planned to spend the day at my place unpacking, doing laundry and getting ready to go back to work tomorrow.
    When I left his place this morning, we gave each other a long warm hug and a kiss.
    I said: “I will feel weird sleeping without you tonight.”
    He responded: “that will be all week. I spent 1 week on vacation with my son, then 1 week with you. This week is for me.”

    I didn’t feel the urge to hold on.
    I let him be, I just smiled and said “I feel glad to see you taking care of yourself.”
    That required no effort whatsoever from me.
    It felt more effortless than hanging on to him.

    By letting go of control, my whole body felt it and released alot of junk today (alot of bathroom time, lol).

  337.  #338LiliBee on September 3, 2012 at 6:33 pm


    Hi FW! 🙂

    Your “Hi welcome back” warms me up. My face lit up with a warm smile 🙂

  338.  #339Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm


    Welcome back! It sounds very positive!

  339.  #340Femininewoman on September 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Wow LiliBee. It might be worth remembering that feeling of release for the next time. That way you can call upon it at will whereever you are.

  340.  #341LiliBee on September 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Radlove 🙂

  341.  #342Annie on September 3, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    I feel gobsmacked.

    What do others think this is all about.
    Had a man young following me pursuing coming on very strong. He was after a casual sex.
    I stated in feeling messages and don’t wants that it felt bad for me as a woman to have sex without being in love in a loving relationship and emotional intimacy had to match physical intimacy etc.

    He kept chasing doing his best to get me to have some ‘fun’ sex as he put it cause he thought that we could have fun and didn’t need to be in love to do that etc.

    Stated I don’t want or need casual sex in my life but totally respected that if that is what he wanted that there would be a girl out there who wanted the same so long as he was honest about it.
    Just I wasn’t that girl.

    Then he comes om even stronger suggesting a gangbang.

    Again said no not up for that. he then asks me for a pic. Again said no I don’t send pics to men.
    Thought that was the end of it as he stopped chasing and disappeared. for five days.

    Now he is back doing his best to get me to have kinky sex and a gangbang and wanting to send me pics of his bits.

    WTF I feel confused why am I attracting this?

    Gosh how I would love some hot sex but not casual with a stranger or strangers.


  342.  #343LiliBee on September 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm


    Yeah, thanks for that suggestion FW.

    He seems to be far away in his brain these days.
    He looks like he’s doing alot of soul searching.
    Not all about me, but more like trying to find himself.
    I didn’t ask.
    He needs it, and he needs it on his own.
    He’s been very confused and lost for a very long time.
    He’s been looking towards the outside for happiness.
    It seems to be catching up with him.
    I see him shifting.

    I don’t know if he’s shifting away from me or if it will be towards me.
    I’m letting go of control.
    My body feels much better for it.

  343.  #344Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 6:54 pm


    339 – Eww. I would say that to him, too, then block him…


  344.  #345Belle on September 3, 2012 at 6:55 pm


    ” says:
    I sure would like to know what he’s feeling right now. I hate this.”

    Hey, Radlove…what are YOU feeling right now???

  345.  #346Belle on September 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Rori told me this about fully feeling my feelings and staying open to C at work just 6 or 7 weeks ago…so hard to believe! It feels like forever and feels like just a minute ago!

    “this is like exercising a muscle of moving toward peace and surrender”

    I feel so much more at peace.
    It felt so good to cry and rail and wail this weekend and accept that there’s nothing I can do, nothing I need to do. Whew! What a load off!

    The feelings weren’t about C even, he was just the trigger.

    I feel a lot of appreciation for SA and others sharing their parenting experiences. I’m getting some good ideas for parenting my inner little one and feel more and more ready to face and shift some nasty bad habits.

    I can rock this life, I can I can!

  346.  #347LiliBee on September 3, 2012 at 7:08 pm


    re: Belle in 342 & 343:

    That’s exactly my point in 334.

    I felt sooo much tension in my body focusing on what he’s feeling and thinking.

    All the tension melted away when I shifted the focus to how I was feeling.

    How do You feel?
    We need to mind our own business about what they are thinking and feeling and focus on how Me feels.

  347.  #348Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Siren Angel,

    310 – Chasteberry is good for hormones.

  348.  #349Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm


    344 – Thanks for the reminder. Working on that. I feel major stuck energy and deep sadness.

  349.  #350Lena on September 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Good day, everyone

    It would be great to have some advice on my situation please…

    I met this man around 2 month ago. Already on week one he was telling that he fell in love with me. We have an age difference of around 10 years. He calls me soulmate, etc. He asked me to be his gf and was hinting or saying directly re marriage in the future. I cant help but doubt all this. First thing that I didnt like was the sex part. He is a bit aggressive for me and he felt more like he wants to pleasure himself rather than me. I felt used and now avoid sex with him as fire as on some reason I do all the work in there and its both tiring and disappointing. Second – I have financially tough situation and very hard conditions with work and life right now that makes me irritable and sad. After awhile of thinking I decided to tell him about it. The reaction was weird for me. He first said he will think about it, than he started telling me that money at that point is too early and not talk to him about all this, that money creates all the problem and he has it before.I answered that it makes me feel lonely and like he is not there for me in hard times. Few times more we had this conversation and it was the same – think about it, I have solutions for you that I tell in few days, than “dont talk about it”. He gave me the speech few days ago that he wants to be captain of the ship, that he knows what is he doing, that its not all for sex and he wants me for whole his life, that relationships dont skip the stages and he doesnt want to do a mistake and when we will grow more solid together – I will have everything I want (the guy is rich). Right now just dont talk about it and be patient. I feel heartbroken and like all he wants just the fun part with me. Everytime he kisses me now or initiates sex – I run. I dont want to be used. I feel so misunderstood and pushed away and cornered to accept his conditions. He sais now he feel now I dont love him and keeps telling me all this – you are my life, my love, etc. But its all just words. I dont see much in actions. I do not know exactly how to act with him anymore.

  350.  #351Lena on September 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Maybe I am wrong but I have this feeling like everytime I speak about some problems – he shrinks inside and just skips it. But its my life that is happening right now. I cant just close my eyes it doesnt happen. I got really sick today and I also dont like his reactions. I would be there for him – he was this few weeks I would just go to his house to check on him. I feel stupid. I am thinking to break up with him before he didnt really hurt me a lot.

  351.  #352Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Thank you SA. yes, he did offer an advice and sounded very concerned. I’ve started looking for apartments. I just really really like my place and too bad they are throwing me out.

  352.  #353Belle on September 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm



    Yes, thanks for this, it felt really good to read it.
    Especially about simply noticing without trying to change and the feeling that didn’t serve falling away. I’m using that tomorrow at work, when I usually feel the most anxiety and end up medicating with sugar.

    Ohhhh, and the “back of the horse” tool! Sosososo very awesome!! I’ve been using it off and on again this weekend…
    He’s not even on the back of my horse anymore, I’m just galloping along!

    It feels good to feel good 🙂

  353.  #354Belle on September 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm


  354.  #355Memulo on September 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    It would be just so easy for him to offer his help at least partially. SA, this amount that I need really doesn’t make a difference for him. He spends it without noticing.

    He told me once how much he cared about his ex when she just arrived to the country. She had a culture shock, so he hired a counselor for her. She didn’t eat properly and he ordered food from the best restaurants. She wouldn’t let him buy her ‘cheap’ flowers, they had to be the most expensive ones. He did not marry her, but she was a rightful gfriend he lived with. I wonder who I am for him. A buddy?

    I am not telling him I want new shoes. I am telling him I am in a bad situation. An advice to work more feels like a bad joke.

  355.  #356Radlove on September 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm


    Thank you!

  356.  #357Jilly on September 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    hmmm…I am feeling soft and sleepy, getting ready to go to bed soon.

    I feel excited…I took the summer off from crossfit and will be going in the morning…it will feel so good.

    Rugby Man was called to work today. So I was able to get some things done…

    I am almost done with school, and due to all the chemical skin concoctions I have come across, have started making my own homemade skin care and Rugby Man is ALL about it and even using it!! 🙂 I feel smiley.

    He is also super supportive of me and my ideas and also agrees that like energy attracts like energy. He said he likes being the bread winner, but he is also supportive of my success too.

    It feels invigorating, refreshing and amazing to be able to share this part of me with someone. It really feels like a fairy tale….big happy sigh…

    We both want to live a high vibrational life 🙂

  357.  #358Turquoise on September 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Thanks for replying Siren Angel and FW.

    I’ve been very careful FW to not sound like I pity him, and I don’t. I do feel sad for what he’s been through and what a difficult upbringing he’s had. He does have two best friends, both live out of state. He has 3 children who he loves and they love him dearly. He’s an amazing father. But, he says that doesn’t count… they are his children. He doesn’t speak to his mother, she won’t acknowledge some awful stuff that happened in his childhood. She doesn’t know his children. His siblings only seem to call him or want to see him when they need money. It’s really sad. His ex was not social, they didn’t have couple friends or even know the neighbors well. He’s a very social guy, will talk to anyone at the store, a restaurant, etc. He works from home and goes to school online… He is close with his grandma, but she’s elderly so I’m really IT right now. No wonder he wants to see me all the time.

    We have seen each other about 50 times since mid June. I can’t tell you who else I’ve spent this kind of time with, in years. We laugh, never run out of things to talk about, it’s never awkward… we joke around, flirt, and have a lot of fun together.

    He is very motivated and works very hard. Today was a bit of a blah day, and then the conversation turned emotional.

    But what makes this special and different for me are the little things that I haven’t had in a long time, and the amout of time he’s been willing to give. Like doing my website, that was weeks of work.

    Reasons why I want him in my life, and part of me hopes it leads to a relationship….

    1. He’s protective over me and my girls. If we are walking in a parking lot or a crowd, he’ll grab my girls hands and keep them safe. A guy was staring at me at the football game Friday night and he instinctively said… If I was your boyfriend, he might get an elbow. When C was being a real jerk and I was getting upset, just at text messages, he picked up on it, comforted me and reassured me that I was fine, everything was ok and I was safe.

    2. He is funny, jokes around, and he and my oldest daughter have gotten close, they are like partners in crime. I’m too serious. It’s a nice change.

    3. He’s a very good dad to his kids and makes mine feel right at home and included, and loved.

    4. He suggests new and fun things for us to do… wanting me to have new first experiences, and is excited to teach me new things. Today I started my first fantasy football team. I have no idea what I’m doing, but he really wanted us to do this together, so I’m going with it. 🙂

    5. It’s been slowly growing, which is new for me, but we are so comfortable together, it’s a different kind of intimacy. I’m not talking about sex, but even just hugging and when he plays with my hair, feels close.

    6. He’s honest with me when he says he’s not ready. He wants us to keep the door open, but knows he’s a wreck right now and doesn’t want to put that on me. He doesn’t want me to be a rebound. I feel good knowing he’s not using me.

    7. But the best of all, he’s an amazing communicator. We talk everything through, he doesn’t get mad or over react. Even when it’s a little tense, we work it out. He apologizes and can say he’s wrong. He appreciates I can do the same. I have never had a man be so open about his feelings and want me to be the same way. He doesn’t like it if I cry or feel hurt, but he’s learning that I’m an emotional person. I’m not trying to manipulate him.

    BUT, even with all that said…. I did go on my date Saturday night. He had bad breathe, so immediate turn off… Nice guy, funny…. but I really didn’t feel excited or looking forward to seeing him again. I tried to be open, just didn’t feel it.

    I have another date tomorrow night, hoping this one goes better. For while I really really like Mr. Conversation, I believe him that he’s not ready. I don’t want to be a rebound, and if I wait for him to be ready, I’ll be needy and get too attached.

  358.  #359Rori Raye on September 3, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Dee Dee – Circular Date him along with all the other men you’re Circular Dating. If you have an “exclusive” arrangement – nullify it with the “No Girlfriend Speech.” Love, Rori

  359.  #360Heart on September 3, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Wow….I just wrote CuddleyGrinch and told him – I was feeling emotional and that I didn’t know if I wanted to see him or not and then I asked what he thought…

    I feel so scared….I feel so vulnerable….Feel a little bit naked…I mean I practice here all the time…But it’s so different when it’s in front of a man.

    What do Sirens think of my message?…It was the only honest agenda less thing I had to say…

    Still – I feel so curious about his response…

  360.  #361Heart on September 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    baby steps…

  361.  #362Heart on September 3, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    it feels sexy to ask a Man about his opinion on an FM…

  362.  #363Heart on September 3, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    it also feels Really Scary….lol

  363.  #364Tereana on September 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Hm…Ladies. A lot has come up for me recently!

    I did some really intense work with an “energy healer” a couple of weeks a go. I don’t know what to call her. She’s a trained psychotherapist, but she practices a whole mish-mosh of stuff. It was intense, but I could feel that it was working on me.

    And I’ve been CD-ing like crazy. Well, okay, maybe not too “crazy.” I’ve been on some dates. And I’ve heard randomly from VMan recently, and we’ve been texting back and forth. Some of it got quite personal. But at the same time, I am keeping in the back of my mind, that I haven’t seen him in months. And also, I am getting the sense that his attraction for me right now is only sexual. And that can be satisfied in any number of ways. If it were only for me, then he would have a specific need to see me. And he hasn’t made any move toward that.

    However…I went out last Thursday (was it just last Thursday??) to an event in the city. I was all dressed up and looking cute. And my phone battery died, so I couldn’t text anyone 😉 And all of a sudden, I realized, there was this man talking to me while I waited on the train platform. He had a very soft, friendly voice, and a thick accent. We talked a bit, and then he said, “Nice to meet you,” and walked off.

    I watched as he walked down the platform. Then a few minutes later, he walked back up, right past me. And I just stayed there, leaning back against a railing. And finally, he came back, and started talking to me again. We sat near each other, and he chatted to me the whole ride home. He gave me his card, and I gave him mine as well.

    He emailed me, and, well, we’ve had several dates this past weekend.

    And, wonder of wonders, I had what I could even describe as a “melt down” on the way back from one of our dates. There was some bad stuff that came up for me, and I was emotionally drained. But there was some good stuff, too. Because he spoke to me about it frankly, and made me more aware of myself.

    And the wonder is, he still wants to see me! I feel almost incredulous. He seems so intent on Relationship. And that feels so good and refreshing. I want to take it step by step. I told him we could test it on a “trial basis.” And that feels pretty good, too – no commitment. Or perhaps “low commitment.” I feel nervous about some things he mentioned about his ex. I don’t want him to bring bad expectations into a relationship. But how can he know that I am different unless he experiences that?

    And I can still keep my “options open” by knowing that there are other men out there who like me and want to see me. But of course, I only want to be with one guy, who values me and also really wants to be with me.

    And something feels different about this guy. he feels less like a “CD” and more like a “D.” As in, a proper date, not “circular.” (Although he certainly loves to joke about me dating other guys! to which I just mysteriously do not reply;)

    I know it won’t be easy. He has some particular things that might bother me. But I know that no one is perfect. I have to figure out a way to be as comfortable as I can be WITH MYSELF.

    if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I won’t be devastated.

    I guess the main thing I am noticing, that could be a problem, is that he just contacts me So Much. Lol. Like not in all ways, but that he emails me quite a lot. Not that I can really complain about something like that! He emails more than he calls. I guess I would just like it if he called more. But he did call today, just to say hi. So that was nice. I definitely write to him less than he writes to me…

    He certainly doesn’t fit the physical description of who I thought I would end up with. He’s not Indian! lol But he’s not American either. So that fits, actually. He’s not tall, dark and handsome. He’s not any taller than me. But he’s not bad looking. Even though he doesn’t have hotness that makes me weak in the knees. And when he kisses, he kind of bites with his teeth a lot. But I can tell that he is a person with strong principles and a good heart.

    He is a nice man who feels a lot. And he is very compassionate with me as well. I can sometimes feel hurt by what he says. And he feels bad about that. But I have to remember that my hurt is about me, and strive not to make him “responsible” for that.

    My goal right now is to Take Responsibility for me. And to find all the areas in my life where I have given up my Power – and take my Power back!

    I believe that if and when I can do that, then I will feel so much more solid in a relationship, and just in my life. I can do that while I am in a relationship. I can continue to work on myself, while I am with someone else. And in fact, it seems to me that that is the best time/place to do it – when you can immediately see the results reflected back to you in the form of your partner and how they respond to you, and how a relationship feels and develops.

    I am looking forward to more time to practice Siren Tools, and new ways of being!

    Wish me luck, seriously. Because I already know that this stuff is wicked hard for me. Sometimes it feels impossible. To let things go and just be okay with “what is,” even if it’s not “what I want.” I know that I have to, because it’s going to make all the difference. And I hate “have to” statements. I want to do it because I want to. I WANT to do it because it’s going to make my life better. I just don’t know how it’s going to be better yet. I don’t know what better is going to feel like!

    I think I am afraid of feeling better!

    Wow, what a breakthrough, and a strange thought. But I honestly believe it might be true. Of course I want to feel better – but part of me is resisting and doesn’t want to. And so the main thing for me right now, is just discovering how much of me is actually CHOOSING to suffer. Because really, it ultimately has to be a choice. If I didn’t want to suffer, I never would. So part of me wants it to be that way.

    And maybe I can find that part of me, and talk nicely to it, and be friendly, and see what it really wants. And then, maybe I won’t feel an urge to feel suffering so much. That would feel good. I know it would.

    Now I just have to believe in it….

  364.  #365Tereana on September 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Jilly, that sounds so great! (354) Happy for you! 🙂

  365.  #366Heart on September 3, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    yay Tereana!

  366.  #367Tereana on September 3, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    Correction: *I feel* happy for you 🙂

    (Got to use the FEel word!)

    And also, I guess it was 357 – numbers changed!

  367.  #368Violette on September 3, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    I feel frustrated because a new man has been texting me, and I hate texts. I wonder if I am too rigid, or if it would be worth it for me to ask him to call instead. He has asked me out to go hiking, even though I told him I don’t like hiking, so I’m a little annoyed, and I’m nervous he’s going to chose a place that’s far for me to drive to, when I don’t want to drive at all. All these dating details make me so tired, and I want it to feel easier.

  368.  #369Emerson on September 3, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    362 I thought we are supposed to say to him what we don’t want and then ask him what do you think? Not ask about what he thinks of our feelings. Sirens correct me of I’m wrong

  369.  #370Emerson on September 3, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    You can say I don’t want to drive far to meet you. What do you think ?

  370.  #371Emerson on September 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Violette I feel the same about text so much that I have a cd called textCd ….lol

  371.  #372Emerson on September 3, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Textcd has been quiet 🙁

  372.  #373Heart on September 3, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    #362 – Emerson – i said I didn’t know what I wanted to do…then I asked….

  373.  #374Heart on September 3, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    I feel stupid now….I guess I should have had a want/don’t want…:(

  374.  #375Heart on September 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    oes an “I-Don’t know what I want” qualify?

  375.  #376Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 11:45 pm


    I’ve been feeling a bit down for a couple of days. A friend of mine is suffering from some sort of nervous exhaustion and is in a really bad way. The problem is I am getting frustrated with him, because I believe I can help him but he’s not taking my advice.

    I feel like I am being too pushy. I keep making suggestions to him, but instead of embracing anything I suggest he just asks a gazillion questions and appears to turn his nose up at everything.

    I explain to him different therapy etc Ihave tried for depression. But he just doesn’t seem interested. I am getting mega frustrated and even angry towards him.

    His house is in a really bad state, really cluttered. He keeps saying he wants to sort himself out but when ever I offer to help for some reason he is always busy etc.

    I’m getting really frustrated. Everything I suggest is wrong and now I am coming across as a bad person. Now all my friends see me as putting pressure on him in his condition, and being really negative and unsympathetic towards him.

    He is on anti depressants which make him really drowsy – he is sort of in a zombie state.

    My impression is he wants someone to suggest a pill and everything will go away. He seems to turn his nose up at therapy and CBT.

    I don’t know what elsw to suggest. He keeps turning up at my house and not wanting to leave but everything i suggest is wrong.

    What shall i do?

    Any advice greatly accepted…

  376.  #377Emerson on September 3, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    Heart hmm it feels bad to read that you feel stupid (((heart))) be gentle with yourself ….
    If I didn’t know what i wanted to do I would reply in general “it would feel great to eat some yummy food” or “i feel open to go anywhere and im feeling undecided.”

  377.  #378Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 11:48 pm


    Well done! You spoke your truth!

    Now can you leave him alone? For a bit at least?

  378.  #379Heart on September 3, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    #377 – Emerson – thank you. i feel comforted. I feel safe.
    But I meant the – I don’t know- to mean…I don’t know if I want to go out with him or not..

  379.  #380Heart on September 3, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    Rebecca – is he in Therapy?

  380.  #381Venus on September 3, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    I have what I “think” is a grey area problem. I was in a “perfect” relationship with the love of my life, but we had some other issues. One issues was I moved to his city and lived with him after courtship. I was going to school in that area and it made sense to do that since we were “in love”. No problems, no cheating, abuse, neglect or anything, just love.

    The area is which he lives had no jobs and my kids and I had to move back home, because my son wanted to graduate with his friends he grew up with. this was something I promised him when we first moved. My love had just been hit with some financial issues and could no longer help if I stayed.

    He was devistated and so was I. However, he did not want to be in a long distance relationship, especially due to the fact we had no idea when things would clear up, so we date others and keep in touch. I have been to see him twice, because my kids wanted to go back and visit friends. However, he has not come visit me once.

    I have tried to just cut him off, because I have felt if we are not going to make plans to end up together we might as well move on, but we both still feel love for one another. How should I handle him not coming to see me. I have your system, but not sure how it applies to this situation. Let me add: He has stated he wants to come and will come, but never seems to make the sacrifice.

    He seems to be all in if I fall in his lap, but not willing to go out of his way.
    What should I say to him?

  381.  #382Emerson on September 3, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    Rebecca you are a good friend and I’ve experienced a similar situation ….and I learned that we can give out input and then step back until they are ready and then be there to support …

  382.  #383Rebecca on September 3, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Heart – no he’s not in therapy. He said he went once but wasn’t sure it was for him. I felt likehe kept wanting me to give him an answer of what would ‘work’ to stop the depression.

  383.  #384Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:00 am

    Heart 379 oh ok I understand now. …. have you gone out with him before?
    I feel curious about why you’re doubtful….

    On another note…
    I miss having a man in my life to help me with things. I feel scared and low on resources right now/….this economy freaking sucks!!!

  384.  #385Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:03 am

    I’m under so much stress right now I’m having a hard time keeping track of things… It’s hard to concentrate… Some hardships are going on with me and I feel curious why I keep replaying this same story? Not liking it. I’m second guessing and regretting so much. Whyyy am I reliving my past help help help

  385.  #386Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:04 am

    Emerson – I really am trying to step back but he won’t leave me alone – he was at myhouse the other night and he didn’t want to leave. He is an emotional wreck.
    He just keeps asking me the same questions over and over. I don’t know how to stop him. We are just going around in circles. It is scaring me to be honest. I feel like. He is putting immense pressure on me to make his decisions for him. I feel really, really super stressed by it all.

    I feel really drained and down by it all..

  386.  #387Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:04 am

    Why are things so hard for me that are seemingly easy for others ?

  387.  #388Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:07 am

    You can help him but don’t forget to help you too. Is there a counselor you trust ? You could refer him and let him know this is beyond your ability to help but you are not abandoning g him

  388.  #389Heart on September 4, 2012 at 12:09 am

    #384 – wow Emerson….that keep happening to me too – like having the same situation happen. If it keeps happening it means that somewhere your stuck and maybe you need to try something new?
    Or just keep trying out the tools + get a hobby or read new literature…Fill your mind with Different Things…

  389.  #390Heart on September 4, 2012 at 12:10 am

    kept not keep

  390.  #391Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:12 am

    I can relate to your friend a little bit … He’s in panic mode and not able to concentrate on what you are telling hI’m as advice. I can so relate to that. Perhaps reflecting his feelings like ” I can see you are so sad and anxious… I’m so sorry you feel this way. What could you do to feel better in this moment?”

    I don’t know …worth a try

  391.  #392Heart on September 4, 2012 at 12:13 am

    #385 – (((Rebecca))) Encourage him to see a therapist…that’s all you can really do…

  392.  #393Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:15 am

    Emerson – no he just doesn’t seem interested. Also I am reluctant to suggest someone even if I found them on the internet etc. Even if they came with a royal seal of approval. He just picks, and picks, and picks and is soooo negative all the time. If someone disagrees with him he’ll get very defensive and attack them. I think i am only a friend to him because i pacify him and agree with him all the time. I always feel lambadted into agreeing with him and i get sick of reasoning with him. Plus he seems to have zero interest in my life and my problems. Its all about him.

  393.  #394Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:15 am

    Im trying to give myself reflective listening therapy lol

    Well I’m scared that I have some self hatred so I need to heal that. Maybe I need a fresh start move somewhere new…. There are so many memories I have to drive by all the time

  394.  #395Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:17 am

    392. Wow

  395.  #396Heart on September 4, 2012 at 12:18 am

    #393 Emerson – move somewhere new if u can….it does wonders for you mindset…and will help u Move On from things faster.

  396.  #397Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:19 am

    Emerson – I have tried all that like a gazzillion times. There is only so many times you can say it and you start to feel peeved. I’m feeling everything is one sided with him.

  397.  #398Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:20 am

    Heart – I’ve suggested a therapist a number of times and he turns his nose up. I don’t think I should keep suggesting, sorry to go against your advice.

  398.  #399Jenny on September 4, 2012 at 12:24 am

    So yesterday I logged onto my profile on the dating site. And CDJ (he I was on the first date thursday)

    Earlier yesterday morning I had sent hi anletter, with answers on a topic we right then was talking about.

    SoYesterday evning when I was on my profile. I saw he had sent me an letter. In that letter he answered the topic we was writting about and e also wrote:

    “I’m looking forward to tomorrow, sit on a couch and cuddle with you in front of a movie. I let you decide the movie =) Hugs” (and then he mention something I had written in a text about warming my hands)

    So I thought – “Ok now he have giving, then I can once stick out my nose” We hadn’t yet talked about waht time and where. So I sent him a text: “Any thoughts about when and where? Hug :)”

    He answered with a place and time. I just answered “Ok that will work 🙂 Hugs”

    He dont know exactly where I live…and my old me would right there have giving him direction to my place…I didnt. It took him 5 min to write another text and ask where I live.

    And my old me, would have giving him a long explanation how to find me

    Me new one just wrote “I would feel very impressed if you would find me without knowing where I live 😛 *Adress* Hug :)”

    He wrote back “Yeah me too :-). Now I’m going to bed. Good night, se you tomorrow :-). hug”

    My old me would have write back with good night…and also “Just call me if you dont find your way” – my new me: I will not write anything about it since I know….if a man needs help he will ask for it.

    I’m feeling proud and strong, nervous, giigling, shy, insecure, out of balance, soft, godess, female and beautiful…wow.

    I just got a very nice aha moment this morning:

    Since I started to date the men is getting better. I can see how I’m leaning, the process.

    1 man who made me feel anything – was the secret military man; he opend my heart for myself…I feel such thankfull for this man, since he showed me so much, I learned soo much about myself.

    2; Johnny…My casual dating…a younger man who I meet and had sex with 2 times a week…for 4 months. Here a lot of pain is, since there was deep and heavy thing. I got scared, since I realised after 5 months I liked him…so I got cold on him. And the gods know I miss him like hell, I have promised myself, No contact untill I have cleared all feeling for him, and totelly forgiven myself from not being honest with myself and telling him how I felt.

    3; CdJim, the man who I felt for after 3 dates – who now is living toghter with a married woman

    4; CDJ Who I will meet today. I was speakless when I first meet him…and that aint nothing that happens alot.

    So I can see…somewhere I’m starting to feel more safe and open..feelings is growing much easier and I I feel more loving, more open for love.

    …so I know no matter what, I will geting more and more feelings, love myself more and more…and I feel afraid…yes. But strong and knowing..I will get what I want. Wow, that is a very nice knowing.

    Even if I like cdJ alot, I know, there will allways be other men who wants me, he aint my only options. I have a clear picture of what I want…and Im going after that.

  399.  #400Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:25 am

    Emerson – to be honest he hits the roof if i ever dare to reflect his feelings.

    Hmmm… I’m actually now questioning our friendship. Does friendship look like this? I am treading on egg shells. Is that good?

  400.  #401Heart on September 4, 2012 at 12:25 am

    397 Rebecca – it’s ok…..Maybe he is using u as a therapist. I fl bad for you Rebecca. The situation sounds awful. I would feel better if you just ended the friendship. It might help him in the long run.

  401.  #402Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Heart – thank you. That feels good to read.

  402.  #403ruth on September 4, 2012 at 12:29 am

    Hi Rebecca
    This “friendship” does seem rather one sided
    In depression, a person has to want to be helped

    I feel anxious for you
    Please dont get dragged down by this man
    You have done your best, made your suggestions and tried to help
    Please look after you

  403.  #404ruth on September 4, 2012 at 12:30 am

    Tereana, wow that feels exiting to read about your weekend
    Turquoise you sound so balanced about your situation
    And Mr Conversation sounds so NICE

  404.  #405Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:31 am

    Rebecca maybe the message for you is to exercise your boundaries in an advanced way

    I don’t know what the message is for me in my current situation. I think it may have to do with surrender and allowing others to help me. I’ve been fiercely independent in my whole adult life and it keeps people at a distance.

  405.  #406ruth on September 4, 2012 at 12:35 am

    404 Emerson
    that one resonates with me!

  406.  #407Heart on September 4, 2012 at 12:35 am

    #383 – Emerson – I just dont know if I want to keep seeing him or not. I feel hesitant. I don’t want to get attached and I have my reservations. Meh. I have went out with him a couople of times.

  407.  #408Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:35 am

    399 not ok.
    It’s ok to keep your distance.
    Also send him compassion even though he is difficult.
    You can still keep yourself unavailable to his dumping g on you

  408.  #409Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:37 am


    Ahhh thank you.

    Yes. I felt super, super drained by it. I felt consumed by his problems and for tje whole of the next day I was replaying conversations in my head.

    He doesn’t seem to mind that its making me feel down. He doesn’t seem to care and thats whats bothering me.

    The other neighbour that I talked about has also put emotional pressure on me to ‘help’ this friend. Even phoning me up late Saturday night to ask me to check up on the friend with depression.

    I told him how exasperated i was feeling with the whole situation – but he didn’t seem to care.

    It just seems to be ‘oh, good ol rebecca will look after everybody – she is a complete pushover’.

    I feel really sad and angry about this..

  409.  #410Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:38 am

    406 heart ask yourself what exactly are your reservations ?
    Is it a gut feeling of something dishonest about him or are you running from the potential of intimacy

  410.  #411Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:40 am

    In fact for me, The thought of relying on another person for my basic needs is terrifying

  411.  #412ruth on September 4, 2012 at 12:41 am

    ooh new Sirens!
    hello Lena and senara

    you have come to a great place
    Lots of good advice and tools here

  412.  #413Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:42 am

    Rebecca you may feel that you’ve “lost” the friendship with him as you set up boundaries but stick to your guns he is not entitled to dump all over you

  413.  #414Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 12:44 am

    Hmm I’m having some thoughts that I’ve gone thru all this crap just to be a better person and better partner with more compassion when I do find the one

    I have been curious about textCD he is something special …

  414.  #415ruth on September 4, 2012 at 12:46 am

    Rebecca I agree totally with Emerson that it is time to set your boundaries about what is acceptable behaviour towards you
    It *is* very difficult to do that sometimes, especially if you have always acted a certain way and people expect you to step in and help
    I have had that expectation of me too for years and years
    When i first started saying “no” people didnt like it
    It felt bad to me at first because i was worried about what people were thinking o me
    But then it started to feel liberating
    And i was treated with a whole lot more respect

    Not easy to do though, I know

  415.  #416Heart on September 4, 2012 at 12:47 am

    #409 – Emerson – Wow. You stated that PERFECTLY. I’m going to write that down….Eureka! Thank you Emerson. I feel like crying. Wisdom.

    I don’t know if it’s my gut instinct or a fear of intimacy. I’ve beem trying to figure that out and can’t.

  416.  #417Rebecca on September 4, 2012 at 12:52 am


    Thank you

  417.  #418Tam on September 4, 2012 at 1:17 am

    Heart, did you get a response from CuddleyGrinch?
    I think you did well speaking your truth and I can sympathise as to how hard that is.
    I find it very difficult…and almost impossible person to person. I prefer when I can think about my feelings and write them down…in the moment I usually clam up. Urgh.

  418.  #419Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 1:19 am

    I feel myself holding on to something although I don’t know what it is exactly… I’m resisting.
    Oohh is it pride?
    What would my world lok like without it…???

  419.  #420Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 1:20 am

    415 (((heart)))

  420.  #421Emerson on September 4, 2012 at 1:22 am

    I feel weird with my mom sometimes like she does not care if I end up in a craphole apartment somewhere all alone .

    She’s alwys set her sights low when it comes to my life and achievements ” I don’t know if you can handle that Emerson …”

    It hurts more than I’ve allowed myself to admit

  421.  #422Femininewoman on September 4, 2012 at 1:26 am

    Rebecca I too keep getting the impression that these people show up in your life with the message “practice setting boundaries”.

  422.  #423Heart on September 4, 2012 at 1:31 am

    #417 – Hi Tam – Thank you. Yes expressing is scary but right now I feel really good. I mean it is a new way of doing things…My insides feel easy though…I feel relaxed and fluid..I was ound up so tight. Just speaking my truth and letting it all go makes me feel so….Fluid.

  423.  #424Tam on September 4, 2012 at 1:33 am

    ((((Radlove))))…now you heard it again from him.
    I really think your best course of action, if there is a ‘turning around’ of this situation at all, is to sit on your hands.
    I know that you know that and I also know that you say you are too weak to see it through.
    How about using the time to tell yourself that you are strong and that you are leaning back to look after yourself and to regain your strength.
    I believe if you keep leaning forward and pushing him into a corner it is just going to be counter productive…..
    I guess you know that. I feel for you….stay strong.

  424.  #425Heart on September 4, 2012 at 1:37 am

    Tam – no I haven’t yet..I feel scared…

  425.  #426Tam on September 4, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Hi Heart!!
    Regarding whether it might be a ‘fear of intimacy’….only you can get to the bottom of that.
    I only had my aha moment a few months ago, after 36 years of living on this earth and thinking it was the men that were emotionally unavailable and afraid of intimacy (yes, I did pick a few cases of that), I finally realised that I was the common denominator..and that it was me who was emotionally unavailable as I had built huge internal walls ever since my childhood (which was on some accounts traumatic but I always denied it and said ‘I am fine, childhood means nothing, I live NOW’).

    So well, it always pays off looking at oneself first…I still find it interesting that it had never occurred to me before, I was the classic case really.

    That was my story.

    However, sometimes some guys do make me feel uneasy or like I can’t trust them – but maybe you could see him a few more times to actually work out what your feeling is and where it comes from…

  426.  #427Tam on September 4, 2012 at 1:45 am

    424…he is most likely taking his time…I am sure you will hear from him.
    I must say, everytime I send feeling messages out at MrP (after he initiated the convo), he reacts one of two ways. Either he will write back within minutes…or he will just leave it, and pick up a week later never relating to what was said. The amnesia message.
    In fact, sometimes I do wonder, he seems a bit scatty these days, he forgets things and not always deliberately.

    CuddleyG is most likely wondering how he can relate to it..he might just come back to you with a totally different topic after a little thinking time…to pick up contact. Just a guess.

  427.  #428Heart on September 4, 2012 at 1:53 am

    Tam – Thanks for the feedback Tam. I am grateful for your story. I don’t feel good to hear you suffered – ((((((Tam)))))) – but I feel good to hear you had an aha moment that changed your life.

    If he is still keen, I think I have to keep seeing him and exploring my emotions more.

  428.  #429Heart on September 4, 2012 at 2:09 am

    #426 – Tam – I feel bad reading about how Mr. P responds. I wonder if he can handle your emotions.

  429.  #430Tam on September 4, 2012 at 2:24 am

    428..Heart…mmmh…interesting. Can he handle my emotions? I don’t expect him to, anymore, in a word I am trying to learn to handle them myself. He’s not important in the greater scheme of things, either he comes along or he doesn’t.

    But things are definitely better since I have leant back and used feeling messages, he definitely responds quite well to them and has even opened up a little. He has become much softer towards me and extremely protective. I am very surprised, it feels a little like he is ‘handling me with care’ (as if I have one of those stickers on me..haha). Before, he could be quite harsh and hurtful.

    He has big problems and issues, some of which I do not want to spread here, and it remains to be seen if he can overcome some of his fears. Personally, I doubt it, but chose to remain open and positive. I used to be very critical and judgmental, and as he is just the same, you can imagine that it didn’t help. He tries the best he can, and he is a carer/giver etc. I respect him and would never push him. He takes his sweet time with everything, and he risks losing me and knows that.

    We will see what happens when I get to Florida…nothing at all might happen and I am mentally preparing myself for that. Although he has tentatively tried to make plans ‘for us’….remains to be seen how that pans out, if at all.

  430.  #431Heart on September 4, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Tam – Well I feel good to hear he is tender and protective of you. What is it about men, eh Tam? I read somewhere that like attract like…and that we attract we’re we are at in our lives.
    I guess you haven’t learnt the lesson you need to learn from Mr. P yet.
    Oh well – there wil be some hot bodies in FL!

  431.  #432Femininewoman on September 4, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Tam remember Rori says prepared to be surprised as you change your communication.

  432.  #433Tam on September 4, 2012 at 2:40 am

    430. Heart, in fact not sure…I think that I have learnt the lesson from him, which is why things have become much more relaxed between us….in fact, almost a bit too relaxed as we can talk about absolutely everything, and his house feels like my house (perhaps because we have tried to put it straight so many times..haha..carrying stuff from one room to the other).
    I think now the real challenge is that we are such good friends and we both know each others issues and past….and that doesn’t always inspire excitement and romance, does it?
    And he feels rejected by me because I have said that I do not want too much physical intimacy. He accused me of dangling a carrot in front of him…And then I feel like I was rejected because suddenly he felt ambivalent about having a relationship…which is why I pulled back physically.
    I suspect, sadly, that we will end up in the friendship zone. Well, it is what it is.

  433.  #434Tam on September 4, 2012 at 2:43 am

    431. FW, true true….and I have already been very surprised, truly.
    But I am still learning and have huge problems of speaking my truth as and when the stuff happens as I feel blinded by feelings sometimes…and afraid to make a mistake.
    It is not easy, with the feeling messages in person.
    In hindsight and on paper all is much easier.

  434.  #435baby steps on September 4, 2012 at 2:45 am

    Hi Sirens, I have a quick question, how do men initially respond to feeling messages? Do they respond or go quiet?

    i am hoping to save my r/s and rekindle the fire and feeling messages seem like a good starting point. I’m not good with words so I decided to take baby steps and give feeling messages about situations not related to him…. Just in case it comes across as critical!

    The couple of times I’ve texted him my feelings, he goes all quiet and doesn’t respond….

    I sent a happy feeling message about how happy I was as a dreaded situation resolved itself. He went quiet.
    Another time, I texted that I was feeling lonely as I am all alone on a work trip in another state. He read it but didn’t reply,
    After experiencing my first minor earthquake, I texted 2 short sentences abt how I felt when I woke to the tremors, again he was quiet.

    This is not normal. Before my work trip started, he calls or text daily. Now, he never initiates any conversation but he will respond to direct questions. If I ask about his hobby, he will chat abit more but that’s it.

    I’ve been really busy the last 1.5 months and so we have been seeing each other less.. But things were fine ( well I thought things were fine…)

    Thanks for reading and please, can someone share what their long term partners reaction was like when they first start feeling messages?

  435.  #436Heart on September 4, 2012 at 2:52 am

    #433 – this is true, Tam. It’s difficult in person.
    #432 – Sounds like someone who can row the relationship boat. I hope you find someone else soon.

  436.  #437Heart on September 4, 2012 at 2:53 am

    #433 – this is true, Tam. It’s difficult in person.
    #432 – Sounds like someone who can’t row the relationship boat. I hope you find someone else soon.

  437.  #438Heart on September 4, 2012 at 2:53 am

    can’t not can

  438.  #439Lizka on September 4, 2012 at 2:54 am

    Hmmm wondering why I don’t get any response. Second time I post here this week and I feel invisible. 🙁

  439.  #440Tam on September 4, 2012 at 3:04 am

    436 – I understood even with typo, Heart.

    He can row the boat alright if he wants to, but no, it is not comfy for him to do so. I am not helping out anymore, I used to row and he tagged along. But he is a very masculine man and in all areas of his life, if he wanted something: he got it. Very tenacious.

    So I know he can get out of his comfort zone and row, but maybe he just can’t do it with me, perhaps with a woman who is less close to him and more his physical ideal…who knows. I am no longer wondering, I will see what happens in regards to actions.

  440.  #441Heart on September 4, 2012 at 3:06 am

    lizka – Howabout : I feel bored texting. I want to see your face. WDYT?

    I don’t know…maybe something like that?

  441.  #442Lizka on September 4, 2012 at 3:41 am

    Thanks Heart 🙂

  442.  #443Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 3:57 am

    Good morning Sirens,

    I woke up feeling all torn inside and heavy tears started flowing out, like they are coming out of every cell of my body to purge the pain. I am in soooo much pain in my heart and my body is so achy. I miss him so much and this feels so unfair, like a bad joke or a trick has been played on me. I feel intense waves of sadness.

    I am also feeling scared about the blog. There is so much I have shared here, it really scares me.

  443.  #444Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 4:00 am


    For the texting you could also trya ‘I don’t want to communicate through texts all the time, I feel I can’t share as freely’ (or something like that). This way you are expressing a clear boundary and an FM too.

  444.  #445Memulo on September 4, 2012 at 4:08 am

    I think I may not hear from him for a long time now. If he is not willing to help me, the fact that I have problems is not attractive 😉

  445.  #446Daria on September 4, 2012 at 4:09 am

    im feeling really pleased with myself and lovely

    im taking awesome intuitive care of myself nutritionally

    so many lovely resources are flowing to me

    Money has my back and hes supporting me in healing my fear that he wont be there when i want him


    im free of some scary judgements of other people that would trouble me deeply and scare me

    im actually healing some of my other judgements of people i have

    i feel loved by my fam

    i feel sleepy and also rested

    i had hugely healing dreams last nite

    men adore me

    spirits love me

    writing this is triggering some fears and i love all of them

  446.  #447Daria on September 4, 2012 at 4:10 am

    Memulo – ouch at *winky face*


  447.  #448Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 4:15 am


    Problems do not make you unattractive, and vulnerability can make you very attractive. I think you handled it quite well from what you wrote and I sense than he did an honest effort to help you the way he thinks is best right now.

    Possibly, he is in a state of mind where he will have difficulty dealing with any more issues right now because of his custody things. But life is life, and these things come up. It might be a good idea to explore and experience this with him, and you may be surprised.

    I feel confident for you this will not be an issue between you and him. Try to focus on getting legal advice as a 1st step and then see from there and see what the Sirens think.

  448.  #449forest siren on September 4, 2012 at 4:16 am

    (((((siren angel)))) I wonder if the mornings are harder when we wake up and are feeling vulnerable?

    I tell myself when I feel that much pain that Lionman feels the same too. But I still don’t call 😉

    You are a wise and gentle siren capable of helping someone else even when you are in a lot of pain.

    Can you tell me more about the domino thing in relation to conversations? I’ve put myself back to square one by over functioning with a helpful suggestion so now I have a silent lion in his cave again.

  449.  #450Memulo on September 4, 2012 at 4:17 am


    The alternative is to cry. Winky face will upset me less.

    Maybe I should have asked bluntly. Or in person rather than over the phone. Well, too late now

  450.  #451Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 4:19 am

    M has a maid that comes on Tuesdays, while he is at work, and the thought of just going to pick up my things then has come to me. Although I am terrified he would feel invaded and disrespected.

    What do you think?

    Also, I admit, I really would love to see him, but I am in so much pain in my heart.

  451.  #452Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Forest Siren @447,

    Do you have Modern Siren? It’s in that program but I like to expand that tool as it is one that can be applied to almost any action/inaction. Basically ‘You are the first domino’ is the tool. It says that you make a move (or not) and then a reaction comes from action/reaction. In this sense, you DO have some control, as it depends on the domino you make fall down where ‘everything can fall into place’. Hope this helps.

  452.  #453Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 4:24 am


    Please don’t beat yourself up over what is done. Again, I think you did good. Focus on caring for you (lawyer, alternatives) and then ask him if you want what he thinks, when he shows up.

  453.  #454Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 4:26 am

    FS 450:

    Basically ‘You are the first domino’ is the tool. It says that you make a move (or not) and then a reaction (another domino) comes from action/inaction. When you make the right move, all the dominos fall perfectly aligned.

    I like this tool as when I was really little “oh domino” by Bob Dylan was my favorite song.

  454.  #455forest siren on September 4, 2012 at 4:28 am

    Memulo yes he gave you some good practical tips that you could do. I’m sure you are capable of doing them. But still I feel there is a piece missing. It’s not even the financial aspect. It’s the protective part, the catching your feelings part and anger on your behalf. You feel for him about what he is going through so it would be good to feel that he is angry for you.

    If it were me I would want the feeling of knowing he cared.

    I get strength from Lionman. When we spend quiet time together it gives me strength to face the challenges of day to day life. I don’t think it’s wrong or unsirenlike to draw that strength from him. I know I’m strong and independent anyway. It’s part of the reason the last few months have been so awful be sues I have had very difficult things to deal with like losing my job and I have not leaned on him because we were not together and I refused to go to him for that unless things had changed.

    Sorry I mean to say can you get that feeling of strength from him as in we are in this together?

  455.  #456Senara on September 4, 2012 at 4:29 am

    384 Emerson:

    I’m new here but I want to say that I’ve been reading this blog for a long while now, so I sort of know everyone’s story.

    I want to tell you that I have been in this situation too; I used to feel like my life was an endless circle and that I kept re-living the same things.

    Then I realized that it was perfectly normal for my life to be like that – it only meant I had things to work on and I really strived to find out why things didn’t evolve.

    I accepted it.

    Up until lately (maybe a couple of years), I felt stuck and like I was going nowhere, reliving the same things over and over again. Now, when I feel that I am falling into the pattern of feeling sorry for myself because of repeated, lame experiences, I sit down and try to find out why these situations keep coming back into my life.

    Most of the times, I am able to identify the pattern and what has been blocking me from moving forward.

    But I really have to sink in my feelings to do that, I need to be totally at ease. That is the hardest thing to do for me because I’m kind of hyper at times.

    Meditation and yoga really helped me and now the answers come a lot faster.

  456.  #457Memulo on September 4, 2012 at 4:34 am


    Thank you so much for your kind words. You made me feel so supported and taken care of, as always!

    I will get legal advice today,yes.

    You should remember about M that he didn’t really want to stop seeing you, so now he may in turn get resentful with his kids and for sure he is having a lot of second thoughts. Remember, even when he wanted a break up for his ‘own’ reasons, at the end he always came back to you.

  457.  #458forest siren on September 4, 2012 at 4:35 am

    Thank you siren angel.

    Hmmm that is a good question. My instinct would totally be yes text him say stopping off to pick up my things while x is cleaning hope that’s ok and that way avoid seeing him and letting him see my pain and also hope for a reaction from him. But maybe it would be good for him to see your pain?

    Am curious to know what other sirens think.

  458.  #459ruth on September 4, 2012 at 4:36 am

    433 Tam

    Im glad I am not the only one who calms up using feeling messages in real life

    hugs to you SA-its early days

  459.  #460ruth on September 4, 2012 at 4:38 am

    I have had three “feeling messages” this morning from my man by text
    they feel like misslies thrown in anger
    I am not sure what to make of this at all

    Just as well I am busy in work to keep my mind off it

  460.  #461ruth on September 4, 2012 at 4:39 am


    Im feeling rattled

  461.  #462Memulo on September 4, 2012 at 4:43 am


    I don’t know what to tell you. He sounded caring when he offered his advice. He said warmly- would you stop crying now? After this conversation we talked about his stuff and at the end he said out of blue- you will handle the money. But did he take care of me as his woman? Probably not.

  462.  #463Tam on September 4, 2012 at 4:45 am

    (((Siren Angel))) (((Memulo)))) ((((forest siren)))
    You are all so strong…
    Please don’t be scared Siren Angel, for sharing on the blog…
    Memulo, I agree with you, if I don’t feel like a guy would help me in a sticky situation it’s a real turn off…

    Hi Ruth!! No, you are not the only one..I guess it takes a while to unlearn all the wrong things I have been doing and the wall I have inside was strengthened and fortified the older I got – so the demolishing is also taking time…sometimes it feels like going backwards but I believe I can do it!!

  463.  #464Heart on September 4, 2012 at 4:48 am

    CuddleyGrinch did not write me back.
    I feel sad.
    I feel Punished.
    I feel betrayed.
    I feel Surprised.
    I feel insulted…

    oh these waves…

  464.  #465Memulo on September 4, 2012 at 4:48 am

    FS, SA,

    Don’t know, I would probably do no contact for the longest time. Definitely not come for my stuff while he is at home and not text him about anything. When he is not – what’s the rush? Let him come to you, don’t confuse him in his process.

  465.  #466Tam on September 4, 2012 at 4:50 am

    462..Heart, remember: men have a different time-line.

  466.  #467Memulo on September 4, 2012 at 4:51 am

    I’m thinking – maybe I should let him know I am not very happy about his reaction? Because I was mostly silent or said – ok, I may try that.

  467.  #468Heart on September 4, 2012 at 4:51 am

    I’m lying down…
    I feel ok now…I just breathe and experience all these feelingss.
    I feel excited to be diving into myself…
    I feel so connected to me in this moment.

  468.  #469Senara on September 4, 2012 at 4:52 am

    411 Ruth:

    Thank you for your warm welcome!

    It feels nice to be seen and called a Siren! :

  469.  #470Femininewoman on September 4, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Senara I feel good reading your words. I believe you will be rewarde by your choices.

  470.  #471Femininewoman on September 4, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Ruth his energy is coming towards you.

  471.  #472Memulo on September 4, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Maybe I can text – do you remember when my bday is? because he doesn’t and I did not get my gift ever.

  472.  #473Tam on September 4, 2012 at 5:07 am

    470 Memulo, oh no, not the gift again!!
    I’d say sit on your hands….

  473.  #474Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 5:13 am

    Memulo, stop! Don’t text. It will only make him think he makes you unhappy and that is not good and it is way too much leaning forward energy right now and he may feel overwhelmed.

  474.  #475Siren Angel on September 4, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Memulo and FS,

    I will wait. Maybe I am putting expectations on what his reaction might be. Best to sit with it for a while and feel this out. Maybe I want to do something bold and rash to provoke him. Not good, I need to move away from that state
    and wait. It would probably make me feel awful after.

  475.  #476ruth on September 4, 2012 at 5:24 am

    It does not feel good at all


  476.  #477ruth on September 4, 2012 at 5:24 am

    473 SA

    Spot on

  477.  #478ruth on September 4, 2012 at 5:26 am

    |Memulo are you feeling angry

  478.  #479Senara on September 4, 2012 at 5:31 am

    All right, I just had an epiphany.

    My “little self” just told me that I do not have to wait for him to show his interest at all.

    I figured out that it was my “little self” wanting more attention and that I cannot ask someone to give it to me against their will.

    So I feel that what would be best for me to do now is just not to struggle with that anymore, not to look for some sort of “pretend” interest on his part to still feel good about the stuff I’m passionate about.

    But on the other hand, I wonder if I should not refrain in showing so much interest to the things he enjoys doing because it feels like I’m the one who’s pretending now.

    Oh, I am so mixed up!

    I don’t want to pretend! I want to be real and true and open and transparent! I want to be happy with who I am and what I like!

    I have got to let go of the fact that people won’t like everything I like, that we are all different and that there is no way I can change them by being triggered about this.

    I have to accept that he is not able to do that now and I have to go on enjoying what I do and show him that these things are important to me, without trying to get him involved if he doesn’t feel like it. Yes, I want to continue doing these things because they make me feel good.

    I don’t want someone disinterest alter the way I feel when I do things I enjoy, even if they are not able or willing to communicate why they don’t want to know more about it.

    It’s their stuff.

    Hmmm, I believe I just answered my own question. 🙂

    But I still welcome your ideas and suggestions, Sirens!

    Thank you for letting me process here. I didn’t think I would write so much but I feel at ease and comfortable, it feels nice.

  479.  #480ruth on September 4, 2012 at 5:32 am

    feels good to read Senara

    I learn a lot from this blog

  480.  #481Heart on September 4, 2012 at 5:41 am

    I feel so hungry…

    New Visualisation….I just made this up …Do it. It’s fun!

    Treasure Tool

    1) Lie down. Close your eyes and relax. Breathe in and out a few times.
    2) Imagine yourself in a big, dark spacious room. Pretend you’re wearing the Dress you most recently wanted to get. Imagine the shoes you are wearing.

    3) Now start walking along a red carpet. Just keep breathing ad walking in your heels/shoes. Click..click ..click.
    You should be feeling Goddess-like.

    4) Come to a rope stairs that is hanging in the darkness.
    Climb the stairs. When you get to the top you should be on a precipice with a door in front of you.

    5) Walk to the door and open it. Picture dark box sitting in the darkness.

    6) Take the box and open it..

    7) Come back and tell Us the object that You saw.

    8) Tell yourself –> This Object is a part of the Mystery of You.

    – Remember it when you’re feeling lost.

  481.  #482Heart on September 4, 2012 at 5:44 am

    I was wearing this really pretty dress I saw recently…I felt really good and I had on the awesome heels

  482.  #483Butterfly Wings on September 4, 2012 at 5:44 am

    I’m only up to post 32 so it might be a while before I catch up and I just wanted to post an update.

    So yes, TH was a bit cranky at me last night and yes he grumbled and tried (and failed) to make me feel guilty for stating my boundaries and sticking to them, despite him trying to convince me otherwise.

    I ended up going to sleep and didn’t give it another thought.

    So this morning he texted me to say that he would come home with me so we could leave for the gym together from there (we’d agreed to go to the gym together tonight), which was actually a better arrangement than we usually have, so I was happy with that.

    I have the house to myself right now, so before gym we had some “fun” and OMG he knows how to please a woman! lol

    After gym he helped me with my grocery shopping, and then suggested he stay at my house tonight, which I’m also happy with – warm cuddles! 😛

    So I set a boundary, I stuck to it, I told him what the boundary was, he grumbles and tries to make me feel guilty, and then the next day he makes every effort to spend even more time with me, and on my terms. This stuff really works! 🙂

  483.  #484forest siren on September 4, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Hi laughing goddess how are you this morning? I goggled the beloved festival and they had a list of musicians so now I have lots of new music to explore 🙂

    Serena welcome. I relate to what you are saying. I too want my man to care about the things I care about. I learned as a child to get attention I had to be passionate about other peoples passions and my poor things were overlooked. I am working hard on loving these things myself. Unfortunately recently this has happened again and I need now to move back to my world. I am in the process of rebuilding that world for myself.

    Memulo hmmm the gift. It took me a few weeks to get my birthday gift this year too as I did not like his choice and it had to be returned. Sorry that sounds diva like but true. Then we went shopping together and I let him pick out something I liked. Perhaps you could say when next he calls oh let’s get my birthday present that would cheer me up and make me feel good? But only when he calls. To text him do you remember when my birthday is sounds snippy and argumentative to me.

    Lionman will call me today and want to see me. I feel insecure because well my roots need to be done! Is that crazy? I want to see him so badly but I fear he will think I am letting myself go …. I don’t look bad I just think he will judge me as not looking perfect enough 🙁 I have brought a lot of not good enough to this relationship and I’m really working on it. I can’t afford to do my hair for another week. Then again I always drop ebpverything to see him may be we can both wait a week …

    Tam you are so good at doing no leaning forward. I’m impressed 🙂

  484.  #485Tam on September 4, 2012 at 5:46 am

    OMG, Heart, what are you a second Rori now???
    You could be her assistant!!
    That is soooo cool!!

  485.  #486Heart on September 4, 2012 at 5:49 am

    ROFL Tam! FUNNY!!!
    & Thanks. 🙂

  486.  #487forest siren on September 4, 2012 at 5:49 am

    Or maybe I can let him see me as I am …..

  487.  #488Senara on September 4, 2012 at 5:49 am

    468 FW:

    Thank you! I feel good reading your words and I believe you are right!

    I do feel like I am finally getting somewhere. My thirties were the toughest times to go through for me and I was well into my forties to finally be able to get a hang on turning the wheel around.

    It’s been hard work for years – and it still is – but I can see it come to fruition.

  488.  #489Belle on September 4, 2012 at 5:50 am

    I’m at work, apparently C took the day off and called me at work (he doesn’t have my personal number) to let me know that he was thinking of me even though he took the day off.
    I leaned back, unzippered my heart and all that…then started to feel angry.
    B: C, are you still married?
    C: Yeah.
    B: Do you still have a girlfriend?
    C: Yeah
    B: Do you tell you’re girlfriend that you are thinking of me?
    C: Should I?
    B: Why are you asking ME?
    C: Well, I had a question to ask you …(then starts to talk about something else)
    I notice my pulse is rising, I can feel adrenaline pumping
    B: This does not feel good at all. This does not feel good at all. (Actually, it didn’t really feel bad, I was feeling defensive maybe? But this was all I could muster.)
    C: Alright then. (click)
    And I’m sitting here at work just wanting to ROAR (softly grrring under my breath), mostly at myself because I feel mad that I was unable to recognize and say I felt angry.
    Hahaha, I’m mad at myself for not being able to express anger rationally and calmly.
    I’m feeling insecure, like, “Am I allowed? Am I allowed to trash this imaginary relationship and not be sireny about it? AM I ALLOWED TO ENFORCE BOUNDARIES? Am I allowed to fight him off and push him away? ”
    Oh. That just hit something kind of deep. I’m not sure what…something about being allowed to fight for myself and feeling mixed up about that because the guy is not my enemy but he’s not my friend either and did I just do something terribly wrong???? Am I in trouble now? Is something bad going to happen because I didn’t say something in the right way or be feminine enough or…or…or…
    Breathing through the anger…feeling a growl in my chest…I feel unsure, insecure, am I doing this wrong? Can I protect my boundaries with ferocity? Is this FEMININE?
    And then I’m thinking…Mama Bear energy.
    Is this okay is this okay is this allowed???
    OMG this is crazy. Breathing through it.

  489.  #490Senara on September 4, 2012 at 5:53 am

    482 Forest Siren (love your name, btw!)

    “I am in the process of rebuilding that world for myself.”

    Yes, that’s exactly what I feel I have to do too. Thank you for chiming in, I don’t feel like I am alone in my situation anymore, although I know I am not, but you get my point…can’t see the forest for the trees, I guess.

    There are issues in every couple, the trick is to try and take care of ourself first and foremost for people around us to feel happy about them and us too.

  490.  #491Tam on September 4, 2012 at 5:54 am

    482, forest siren…I don’t know about the leaning back. I am doing too much of it.
    It feels awkward now because I am sure he must be thinking I am not at all interested anymore…I literally just reply to his attempts at making contact and if he doesn’t pick up the ball after that – nothing until he makes contact again.
    To be fair, he only contacts when he has a reason…so he has been making up reasons, like newspaper/internet articles, or asking me to help him with his stuff (6 weeks before I am even out), or sending me a song as he was telling me he had been picking up the guitar again….so if he can’t find a reason, it’s like he is too shy to reach out.
    And since it was always me who had been the communicator, I can see that he sees it as lack of interest….for sure.
    This is the man who, when my phone broke, texted twice and tried to call and then when I was not jumping to attention, thought I got married and never wanted to speak to him again!!!!
    He literally screamed at me to change my cell phone provider when he found out…and said he had sent ‘lots and lots of messages’ (well, two.)…too funny. How’s that for making up a story? Worse than me!!
    So I know he is stewing and wondering…but you know what, maybe just maybe it isn’t a bad thing to let him have the oars and if he drops them, well then. This girly ain’t picking them up.

  491.  #492forest siren on September 4, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Heart what a cool tool! You are awesome at making these up. Are you a coach?

    Oh I love the dress I am wearing in my visualization! And gorgeous shoes. There is a heart in the box.

  492.  #493Tam on September 4, 2012 at 5:58 am

    485 Forest Siren… let him see you as you are, maybe you could even say a feeling message about feeling insecure with your roots.
    I once stayed at MrP’s annexe and he woke me up in the morning and I opened the door and felt terrible as my hair was a mess and I really looked a mess (I prefer he sees me all made up and coiffed)…and he just stood there looking mesmerised. I just said ‘oh, I look awful’. Well, when I closed the door, he was shouting from the outside to make me come out again…
    I was totally embarrassed…I think they like to see us with our insecurities…I really do….
    go for it, you might be surprised (unless you really feel too bad about it, waiting a week is a good idea too)

  493.  #494Heart on September 4, 2012 at 6:01 am

    # 490 Forest.S – there was a heart in my box too! A big red jewel heart.
    No I’m not a coach…lol. But thank you for the praise. I feel encouraged. I feel valued. I feel smile-y.

  494.  #495forest siren on September 4, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Tam yes I think that is the point that maybe they would think we are not interested so that’s why Rori says to be warm when they do reach out so then they are wondering and keep trying.

    Is mrp insecure? I’ve said before I’ve done way too much reassuring and building up and encouraging etc etc. I want a reciprocal relationship.

    I really feel mr p really likes you. He may be figuring out how can he do this. Let him figure it out!