Last Chance For Free Coaching From My RRRCT Trainees!

Untitled design (14)

0608263003-copyHi, This is Rori,

Get great coaching from my new, amazing RRRCT Trainees Right NOW – before they graduate!!

These new coaches are available to you right now because they’re in the Advanced Coaching Module of RRRCT.

After they graduate from Training as Rori Raye Trained Coaches they’ll be free to charge regular fees for coaching – but right now – you can get coached for FREE!

You can try every one of these amazing new coaches (they all use my Tools and techniques, they’ve practiced extensively coaching me and the RRRCT Master Coach Teachers during live class hours, so I KNOW they’re good) for one free session each!

And, if you quickly fall for one of them (I know you will) – you’ll be able to continue with that coach at a hugely discounted rate.

Here’s the list – go to their websites and contact them each to schedule your free appointment (they each have a “Contact” page, or give you their email addresses so you can write them).

Most have Subscriber boxes – with Newsletters and Freebie reports – so if you see one – be sure to sign up and pick up the “Freebie”!

Sami Wunder: http://www.SamiWunderCoaching.com

Megan Weks: http://www.MeganWeks.com

Michelle Manley: http://www.MichelleManleyCoaching.com

Nina Mercie: http://TransformationHaven.com

Lygia Lisi: http://www.CoachLygia.com

Christine Rich Hanson: http://www.ChristineRichHanson.com

Korina Fleur: http://KorinaFleur.com

Andrada Dan: http://AndradaDan.com

Heather Allison: http://heather-allison.com

These women, and what they’ve achieved in only 15 weeks, are amazing and inspirational – and you can do it, too!

If they inspire you to become a Rori Raye trained coach, too – let me know!

I know any coach who’s been trained by me in RRRCT can give you faster results than any other coach out there…so if you’d like to become a coach yourself and join this elite, very special group of powerful coaches, go here to check RRRCT out (we start Fundamentals on July 6th!):

http://www.coachrori.com/be-a-rori-raye-certified-love-and-relationship-coach/

Try these coaches out for free – ALL of them if you like! – and be helped and inspired…

Love, Rori

Posted in

104 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on June 29, 2015 at 7:50 am

    Thanks again Rori though I can’t help but wonder now if your work and focus is more on turning out coaches. I have reached out to several in the past and none of them got back to me, I have to admit. That was the group after Tatia’s. I have not tried any since then.

    It would be great to see some of them popping in and responding to some of the posts on the blog.



  2.  #2Dominique on June 29, 2015 at 10:08 am

    Femininewoman – I’m around in response to the last post, just been very stressed, lots going on, changes afoot as I said before.

    Everyone is processing so beautifully, I don’t feel needed so much which warms my heart :). I still read everything thus in the loop with the goings ons here.

    I feel so very pleased you’re doing so well post surgery. The pain you feel I still have trouble with. It will take time.

    Love to and everyone.



  3.  #3Femininewoman on June 29, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Thank you my dear Dominique. Good to know that I am in good company.



  4.  #4ruth on June 29, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    hello Feminewoman.So glad your surgery went well xx



  5.  #5Femininewoman on June 29, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    Thank you Ruth. It is good to see you.



  6.  #6Zia on June 29, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    Lovergirl – in response to previous thread – it is interesting to see your reaction and perception of what I have said, as I never said you were not enough to inspire S or that he would not come around. In fact I said a few times that what I was sharing was my perception and what I have experienced.

    This is why sinking into the feelings that come out when we’re triggered is so messy, scary but also raw and bold, as we can start to see why we feel the way we do when people say the things we say. I personally have learned a lot from that, and the more I would sink into my feelings when things triggered hugely, I started to notice that the triggers became less and less. Again, my personal experience from my own journey x



  7.  #7Zia on June 29, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    FW – Hello lovely siren! I am also happy to hear your surgery went well 🙂



  8.  #8Zia on June 29, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    Right now I have a suspicion that I am feeling more stressed than I feel outwardly… if that makes sense. I am currently juggling work, my son, full time study, trying to get my own business running, and right now is the time when all my assignments are due.

    My fiance has been an incredible support. I have never had someone so supportive of me, who cares for me, he has been helping me out by looking after my son so that I can get to school and do my studies. How did I get so lucky?! I cannot wait until we move in together. It’s only a couple of months away now! The place we are moving to is in an area that is out of suburbia, surrounded by trees and bush, the home itself is on a large block with a large backyard where we plan to create an incredible self sufficient garden, and one where I can plant all my herbs to make herbal products from. I love the idea of creating things from raw materials, I feel so alive and lush at the thought of it.

    I feel like I am coping ok but my body might be telling me otherwise. It is one of those things where we may go “when things are a bit less stressful I’ll pay myself more attention” when in fact it’s now when things ARE stressful that I should be paying myself more attention.



  9.  #9Zia on June 29, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Azure – from previous thread – wow I feel so smiley and warm reading your comment. Thank YOU!!!

    Sirens – I apologise if I tend to post “in bulk”… I usually check in every now and then and play catch up and tend to post responses as I read them rather than reading all the comments and doing one big comment.



  10.  #10Emerson on June 29, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    Hi Sirens,
    I feel in a limbo space now between giving up hope and a glimmer of hope of romance. My chiropractor told me today “It’s not too late”….about finding marriage…and the weird thing is I wasn’t even talking about it he brought it up, he is very intuitive. it made me want to cry…he is a lovely person.
    I also felt like crying today because one of my coworkers said something very insensitive to me in front of WorkCrush in the break room. I recanted in an aggressive way by “making it a joke” to cover up how I really felt, and I walked away feeling furious. WorkCrush is a kind kind person and didn’t participate he was just sitting there. But this mean girl I work with (and I work with several) always seems to hit me where it hurts….I don’t know how she knows it because she doesn’t even know me that well…it’s like she’s the devils messenger to hurt my feelings or test me. Don’t like it.



  11.  #11Emerson on June 29, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    WorkCrush is a thorn in my side, he is married. I know he likes me because he told me. He has clearly shown interest in me so I should probably think he’s a rotten person for wanting my attention when he is married. But somehow I just pretend he’s not married. This is sick. I never did anything inappropriate with him, we are strictly coworkers. Always hug when we see each other, he is a sweet person and very caring. I try to give him credit that he would actually never follow through with something with me, and would remain loyal to his wife. He seems the type. But I do feel compassion for him that men do feel attracted to other women (feminine sirens like me) and they can’t help it….but doesn’t mean he will cheat.
    SIGH….he’s one of the good ones….



  12.  #12Emerson on June 29, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    From time to time i feel angry and jealous of his wife. I feel furious and want to be a horrible person and steal him for myself. I want to see how far he would take it. I want to feel that he’s with me and feel secure and kiss him on the lips. I also feel horror that these thoughts cross my mind….I wouldn’t follow through but the thoughts are there. lol thanks for listening sirens



  13.  #13Lovergirl on June 29, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    Zia 6-

    I appreciate that you were trying to share your experience. I have had an experience like that too- only it was a man I was only seeing a few months, the man who texted and said he is getting married in October.

    He is a rich and famous man, that has won a grammy (as a music producer, though he is not in the industry anymore). I was never in love with him but he would take me out on lovely dates every week when he came through my city, to concerts and fairs and nice restaurants and we would have sex.

    He stayed in a hotel near my home and was actually looking at a luxury apartment nearby because he was seeing so much of me he thought it would be more cost effective. He gave gifts to me and for my children, like passes at a family fun center with go-cart rides. For my birthday he got me a dozen roses, took me for a couples massage and to a very nice steakhouse.

    Right around that time he made some comments that made it sound like he was considering a more serious relationship with me. He said 5 children was no big deal- he had a huge house with 6 bedrooms, a movie theater and an arcade. I actually started to entertain the idea, as it sounded luxurious and I figured he’d be gone a lot of the time on business anyway. I was not in love, but I had grown more attached.

    Then, out of the blue, he tells me he has found a woman and they are in love. It was a huge blow to my ego. Here, he had just bought me roses and taken me with him to search for an apartment nearby. I was shocked.

    They had known each other two weeks and he said they were madly in love. Instead of taking me on the trip he had promised, to Vegas, he was taking her. They were also going on a cruise!

    Not only that, but I met her. She drove an hour and a half to meet me, wanting to be “friends” because he had told her about me and suggested a swinger party together. He was out of the country when she came and it was just she and I.

    I was even more flabbergasted when I met her. There was nothing I felt that she had over me. She had 3 children and a sort of sordid past, where men had abused her and her oldest was on drugs and disowned her. I felt she looked less physically attractive. She seemed like a gold digger. She was a country girl who dated bikers and had never been with a black man. She told me her parents were extremely racist and would hate it.

    I told him how I felt about her and what she had said and he got mad. He thought they were meant to be and perfect for each other and I was jealous (of course). She was even more angry with me for sharing my opinion with him (because he turned right around and told her what I said). In any case, I cut him (and her!) off.

    NOW he is getting married- to someone else!! He said that girl is with a white guy now. Gosh, what a shame (not!!!). And he is texting me trying to feel me out for more casual sex in the meantime…. I kind of played it off. I don’t think I want that.



  14.  #14Zia on June 29, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    Lovergirl – #13- wowee!! In that story it sounds like a man who doesn’t know what he wants. Yikes, I think you dodged a bullet there 😉 Btw have you had any further dates with the new guy?



  15.  #15Zia on June 29, 2015 at 11:34 pm

    #11 Emmerson – I don’t feel that it is sick to have feelings for another person, whether they are married or not. That’s too harsh. We feel what we feel. Sending compassion and understanding to you x



  16.  #16Indigo on June 30, 2015 at 12:01 am

    Emerson,

    I agree with Zia. Dominique wrote a beautiful article on this recently. Perhaps consider reading it. These feelings are very natural and we all have them. If you are not doing anything about them, give yourself a break.



  17.  #17Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 3:09 am

    Zia…
    On top of all that is going on in your life
    you are participating more here on Siren Island
    it is lovely to have YOU here…

    I’m wondering what would you do to take more
    careful, kind soothing care of YOU?

    I agree with what you are saying…
    It does sound like you might
    need to do, eat healthy, walk, drink MORE water
    sooth YOU more as
    you tackle all this inspiring things in your life!



  18.  #18Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 3:14 am

    Emerson..
    I agree with the others…
    I too have crushes on married men from time to time
    and they on me…

    BUT of course That is NOTHING that I am ever interested in pursuing

    just fun to enjoy their company (platonic)… and send them home with their wives!! :-))

    don’t be harsh on yourself… you are so
    right in sharing it all here…
    Where it is safe!
    :-))



  19.  #19Tereana on June 30, 2015 at 4:06 am

    I’m quoting someone else here who quoted someone else on the last thread:

    “It doesn’t matter who the guy is. What matters is the energy in which you feel your own worth.”

    Precisely.

    That’s likely why I haven’t been able to have a successful relationship in, oh…ever. I’ve confused confidence with self worth. It’s an easy thing to do. I believe lots of people have. In fact, our culture kind of supports that. But it’s not the same thing.

    And I woke up today and realised with some clarity that in fact I have very low self esteem. But I’ve never fully noticed because I have so much CONFIDENCE. ugh.

    I also never noticed because when I was young, I decided that I was NOT going to have low self esteem. But that didn’t stick, I guess. I got low self esteem anyway.

    And it’s killing my life.



  20.  #20Indigo on June 30, 2015 at 4:17 am

    Emerson,

    I worked for a law firm a few years ago where one of the attorneys flirted with me. He was a director and way senior to me, and what’s more his wife worked there too and was also a director. I was married too at the time. It was mild stuff really, just singling me out to talk to me, having tea in my office, once asking me where I lived and offering to come and pick me up to bring me to work because there were blockades on the roads near the office. It was harmless attention which I mostly enjoyed except for the hostile vibe I got from his wife. Also men can be a bit forceful and careless with their attention, like he once left something which was kind of an in-joke on my desk, and it used to make me a bit worried. There was an attraction that neither of us would ever have acted on, but I considered moving departments simply because I was worried it would become obvious or that he would be tempted to do something which crossed the line. He invited me to have drinks with him in the boardroom one afternoon and it was too flattering to decline. Thankfully his wife joined us a short while later, but that time before she did was rather tense for me. I ended up leaving that company, and this was one of the main reasons. That temptation just wasn’t really worth it in the end.

    Thanks for letting me get this story off my chest. I feel confident you will know what to do when the time is right.



  21.  #21Dominique on June 30, 2015 at 6:37 am

    Emerson – Just in case –

    http://sexandheart.com/feeling-attracted-to-another-man/

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  22.  #22Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 6:50 am

    Tereana… #19
    Wow… very interesting…
    the difference between
    self worth/self esteem and Confidence..

    Mmmmmm…. for me
    I have had little confidence over the years…
    always believing (subconscious) that
    I was not worth much,
    everyone else was MUCH
    more important than I
    But, sense Rori, My Worth/self esteem
    has been soaring!!!

    I can walk in a room with confidence,
    smiling and looking people in the eye…
    my sense of humor has gotten even better…
    and I have always loved to laugh!

    With Rori’s tools of loving ALLLLL of *ME*
    learning what my boundaries are and how
    to honor them,
    has come this wonderful side effect
    of having a much more robust
    self worth, self esteem and Confidence…
    so for me, they seem to be all-in-one



  23.  #23Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 7:35 am

    Indigo #20
    How interesting for me to read about your work related flirting…
    I too have had several during my lifetime…
    now that I am thinking about it…
    they usually did end in ME leaving…

    Just recently, with my wonderful group
    of Friday friends
    I have had to back off (until I have another man to take with me)
    There are 3-4 sets of couples who meet
    every Friday and I had been included because
    of being introduced (4 years ago) by my
    then single girl friend M
    She has since married one of the guys in the group and M’s husband has become more and more
    flirtatious. To the point that now
    She hates me…
    At first I stopped attending the group
    then when Spirit and I became more serious
    I would bring him (he loved this group)
    Then off and on I would be there by myself
    and M’s husband would just keep flirting
    M treating more and more nasty…
    So then I decided to just let him do his thing…
    after her calling me a bimbo (before Spirit and I broke up)
    and aren’t I concerned how people perceive me
    because i don’t seem to take life seriously?
    Everyone came to my rescue BUT M’s husband
    Continued his flirting… less when Spirit was there…
    and NOW I no longer attend the friday group outings
    I feel sad…
    BUT I have dates on Fridays now
    and soooo the sting is less and less…

    Often, as Indigo has also pointed out,
    regarding these kinds of flirtations
    We have to take ourselves out of the line of attention…
    for MY own sake… I LOVE ME!!



  24.  #24Indigo on June 30, 2015 at 8:12 am

    Oh Azure Blu,

    It’s nasty isn’t it. This attention you never looked for or asked for. I had a horrible vibe from this attorney’s wife, from little nasty underhanded digs, to looking at me like what on earth are you doing here when I was invited to the boardroom for drinks. Like you said, in the end I just departed – not worth it.



  25.  #25Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 8:34 am

    Indigo…
    YEP!!! Not worth it!

    I must confess if I were her…
    I don’t know what I’d do if my husband
    was soooo blatantly flirting with another woman…????
    Seriously!!

    But I do enjoy getting extra male attention… and *I* have NO intention of
    letting it go any further… soooo…
    in the end… she’ll be taking him home…
    although.. I’d be taking this behavior to a therapist or something if I were her… if it’s NOT me obviously
    it’ll be someone else!



  26.  #26Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Victoria #574
    LOL!!! this is good!!



  27.  #27Millie on June 30, 2015 at 11:04 am

    Hi Ladies,

    So one thing about being in another country, I am reminded how large the world is and how many people beyond my little world, there are out there. It makes me think of endless romantic possibilities, that men that may be the best match for me, might not be from my same country. My boss was actually interested in hearing more about me and my past, how I came to work for this company and when I shared with her, it felt so good to shed my “work mode” and talk about who I am underneath. She said wow–it is going to be hard for you to find a man because so many will be intimidated by you…because in her eyes I am very sophisticated and I guess more specific. I really didn’t mind her saying that because I’m coming to believe that it is difficult to find the right person. I’m not a settler and I could be… I could create a relarionship with someone using my tools, but someone just isn’t good enough. And I’m embracing myself as this single woman traveling as I please, living as I please, rising above those who can’t step up. That said… M comes to my mind and heart so often, I feel very surprised how woven he is into my web of emotion and feeling. I felt so strongly for him, I can cry on point just thinking about what happened. There is so much pain and anger and just emotion that is still residing on that situation. But now, I find myself just not wanting to think about him. Just wishing I could forget, not think about it, pretend it never existed. Because knowing it existed is too painful to feel. I know I should love this pain, but I’m tired of feeling it. I can’t beleive we will never speak again. It really feels so incongruent I can’t even deal with it. I guess that is because this was a rarity, and as I date more… Perhaps those wonderful fleeting relationships will become more and more until I graduate to a new understanding or relarionship and expand my own emotional breadth and capabilities. I started on this blog as a woman who didn’t know how to get what she wanted, who chased love up the wrong trees, who only knew fwb type situations and longed for more. I’ve graduated to knowing how to date, to knowing how to express myself, and to having men who see me as more… And soon I will graduate to being about to hone in on men that are better for me, I will graduate to knowing how to navigate the early stages of a relarionship and eventually learn to be in something that lasts. But I want it to feel right…. That is the most important feeling that I seek to feel with someone. I want to learn to trust that again and to attract that to myself. It’s a journey and it’s a process, but I feel so much better about who I am despite the small thorn in my side that still lingers.



  28.  #28Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    @533: Emerson says:
    (((Lover girl ))))
    Slv and fw it’s great to see you on here! Always I feel comforted reading your posts…

    Sunday, 28 June 2015 @ 10:39pm

    Hi Emerson!

    SLV
    xoxo



  29.  #29Femininewoman on June 30, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    Awww Millie. Such a beautiful and touching siren song.

    Know that I am rooting for you. I have seen amazing growth and it is a pleasure to behold the unfolding of your beauty.



  30.  #30Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    Millie #27… Yay!!!
    I sooo Agree With Feminine W…

    your siren melody is soooo strong and sweet!!
    I love the process you have shared…
    seeing how much you have grown
    practicing…with alll the Rori tools

    It made me take a soft, gentle appreciating
    glance at my journey over the past 3 years…
    I too, have grown and stretched
    and am LOVING the growth
    I see in ME!!!

    Warm, energetic huggs for you
    as you soak up the different energies
    from other countries!!



  31.  #31Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    @Emerson

    Awww, don’t give up. Have fun out there. 🙂

    I enjoy little crushes, excitement and arousal and think of them as signals from my body and spirit that everything is still working: I’m still in the game, all systems are “go”, “Houston, we have lift-off!” 😆

    I don’t believe I must do anything I know is without value. I can try to turn that energy toward other more meaningful passions. Sometimes I find intriguing people, places and things when I try out new stuff.

    SLV
    xoxo



  32.  #32Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    Eek! I don’t like the new WP “lol” emoticon. It looks like a little demon.

    Does it look like a little demon to you? ==> 😆

    SLV
    xoxo



  33.  #33Azure Blu on June 30, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    SLV…
    ;-))
    YES!! is certainly does look a little evil!!!



  34.  #34Femininewoman on June 30, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    SLV 🙂



  35.  #35Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    @1: Femininewoman:
    ” …coaches. I have reached out to several in the past and none of them got back to me, I have to admit. That was the group after Tatia’s. I have not tried any since then….”

    Maybe it’s the way they’ve set up their web sites? I e-mailed one coach to let her know her support e-mail listed one of my e-mail addresses instead of hers, obviously something wrong with the code there! I never heard a word back so I cut her loose.

    Also they might have very short autoresponder series? I think this is not a good thing; I am an active online BUYER for both tangibles and digitals and I imagine others are too.

    I have made dozens-of-dollars amount buys, many hundred-dollar, and yep multi-thousand dollar-purchases. I often don’t buy things right away; I sometimes like to subscribe for a long while then contact and see what kind of response I get…

    “Just sayin’…” but I wouldn’t want to turn away anyone with a Visa card in hand…

    BTW, last week I looked up one woman (not from Rori’s group) who didn’t respond and I see now she is missing from the Interwebs, FB etc. Gone… after a few years of giving it a go. Oh, well.

    A slick looking web site is cool but customer service is better I say.

    SLV
    xoxo



  36.  #36Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    @33: Azure Blu:

    I know, I know. I’ve run into the same icky little icons with posting on one of my paid membership groups after the site was updated.

    There are always little changes. I just heard this horrific noise this afternoon. What the heck?? At first thought it was coming from outside the apartment.

    Don’t laugh… I had just received my first “Amber Alert.” I got new phone for my birthday and I don’t know how to use it.. actually I never learned to use the old model I’d used for years even after the rest of my family upgraded. I’ve become one of those proverbial “seniors who can’t use their phones…”

    Hiding my head in shame for a moment but never fear … I don’t give up easily so I got an Android for Dummies book. hahahaha Can’t do the lol thingy or the little demon appears…

    SLV
    xoxo



  37.  #37Jasmine on June 30, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    Ladies I just had a horrible date and I feel glum. I came off online dating because I wasn’t finding it fun but this person asked me and I didn’t know him but I thought why not and his energy felt quite nice and easy in passing. And his energy was….but mine wasn’t. I tried to be nice but I had absolutely nothing to say. The last two days I have felt very groggy like I can’t keep my eyes open. I don’t know if it’s hayfever or PMS or what but because I feel so tired I also feel angry and bad-tempered. I really really despise the job I am doing and can’t decide if I should just leave. I don’t like this city either and wonder if I should return to where I was living. And I guess all this I don’t like – stampy energy was in my head and the poor man was struggling but I just didn’t know what to say 🙁 He has children older than men I’ve slept with 🙁 He was married for nearly half a century and I had had boyfriend after boyfriend of every possible variation (mostly dysfuctional). I don’t drink but didn’t want to go into why. I don’t like living with other people but didn’t want to go into why I didn’t like living with B (anyone remember?!). I don’t like my job. I don’t like the city and I could barely keep my eyes open. I feel miserable. He said I was shut down and text after telling me off about why had I decided to go out if I wasn’t going to hold up my part of the conversation. I had tried to explain how tired I was feeling and he said that he was tired too but didn’t keep saying. I was shut down, but I was also trying. I don’t know what I could have done … my brain just wasn’t computing and I couldn’t find common ground. And he said I wasn’t present which to be fair I wasn’t because after a short time it was just compounding the script I already had going of ‘what am I doing in this city?’. Sad face. I don’t know what I learn from this one? Any one any ideas?



  38.  #38Jasmine on June 30, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    And maybe I wasn’t very nice – I don’t know it all went wrong!



  39.  #39Jasmine on June 30, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    And then after telling me I wasn’t sociable and how I should behave on a date and that I was shut down and asking me whether it was just him and blah blah he text and apologised for being out of order and said he actually really liked me – argh – what do I do? I want to just ‘delete’ but wonder if I’ll feel more comfortable if I thank him … I don’t want to date him – end of story. Any advice welcome …



  40.  #40Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 3:34 pm


  41.  #41Waterfall on June 30, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Jasmine,

    Can you just feel your feelings around this man and that date?

    I think its great practise for you being your completey true, authentic self..



  42.  #42Waterfall on June 30, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Sirens,

    I’ve noticed my feelings around attached men tend to be about them feeling safe as they are taken. I relax, I don’t try…

    They come to me… Although also scares me a bit as they seem to play into it so easily…

    Dunno, maybe that sounds judgemental which I don’t mean to do at all.

    Just feeling confused…



  43.  #43Jasmine on June 30, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    Thank SLV – I feel interested by what he has written…I did reply to his text with an honest explanation but perhaps it wasn’t so gentle on the ego mmmmm I feel curious too because Evan says treat someone how you would like to be treated but I find his response feels a bit kid-glove patronising. I don’t like the ‘I’m sure you’ll meet someone lovely’ line. If anyone ever says that to me I feel annoyed and like I don’t need them to look after my feelings. What do you think? And at what point do you just stop communication if they still want to communicate?



  44.  #44Waterfall on June 30, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    I am also trying to practise keeping things real.
    It is so hard…

    Men fancy me, and then disappear when they see that I’m not good enough..

    Sometimes I don’t feel good enough. I like people to like me…

    I feel pushed aside. Sidelined. Belittled….



  45.  #45Jasmine on June 30, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    ((((Waterfall)))

    I feel frustrated, angry, trapped in a box, judgmental and like my head wants to explode. He got a contained version of the resentment I feel that life is not the way I want it to be. And containing all this volatile energy feels exhausting. I never quite know when I might do something really rash … like at work … I’m feeling more and more bad-tempered…but then I put on this sing songy voice and do my best to just get along…and no one knows that really I want to, at best, just walk out into some imagined freedom, at worst smash things – not very stable … and then probably I don’t like myself very much because regardless of whether I am actually being nice to people and treating them well (which I am for the most part) I know inside my head how angry and frustrated I feel. I feel sad…I struggle with this a lot. I feel intolerant when I really don’t like something (like the work I’m doing). I use every technique in the book to support myself but it’s influence wanes rapidly. And then I feel intolerant of myself for having some kind of sense of entitlement that life should be better, when really I have a lot to be grateful for. Argh it feels a struggle and there’s a lot of self hatred mixed up with these frustrations I’m sure. Which is likely one reason why I choose difficult men – because I am certainly a difficult woman (sad face). I am wonderful, but I’m not easy. I have come some distant in loving myself despite my difficulties but there’s definitely a ‘stuck’ point. This time I’ve even gone back on anti-depressants to see if it will help my moods feel less intense – seemingly not 🙁



  46.  #46Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    @Jasmine
    …Thank SLV – …but I find his response feels a bit kid-glove patronising. I don’t like the ‘I’m sure you’ll meet someone lovely’ line. …What do you think? And at what point do you just stop communication if they still want to communicate?
    ——
    You’re welcome. What I think is…

    1)I wouldn’t use those words either. I’m more inclined to a sincere thank you for the invitation and the company.
    2)After saying you didn’t feel t



  47.  #47Senior Lady Vibe on June 30, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    oops… 😳

    …that certain feeling that you were meant to be a couple and didn’t want to continue dating… then no need to continue having conversations.

    P.S. Is this man as described older and way out of your age range? Maybe choose more in your age group for next guy?

    SLV
    xoxo



  48.  #48Liquid Light on June 30, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    Jasmine, I believe that the reason why this man likes you is because you are genuine and authentic. You embody what this blog is all about and whether you realize it or not, you are a siren. You weren’t trying to hide your negative emotions and pretend that you are something you are not and that’s very attractive. Pretty simple really.

    I’m sorry that you are feeling so unhappy but I would say you are on the right track. You are feeling those feelings for a reason. There’s a message there that you need to hear and listening to those feelings, not pushing them away, will lead you to a happier place. Just my 2 cents.

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jasmine))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



  49.  #49Beloved on June 30, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    I feel wrung out.
    I feel intensity of sensation in the soles of my feet.
    I feel some relief – RoomieJ has moved out.
    I feel more relief – I said no to my date tonight. It felt like work and not like ease. This was the guy who perked up when I talked about kisses – and – he just kept on with his usual one-line texting and not confirming our date or calling me and sending a text 2 hours before our date “do you still want to meet with me?”. I felt exasperated. No, this isn’t working for me.
    I feel he is a GOOD guy, I feel he is into me, and, I wasn’t feeling good about going out with him.
    I feel so weary. I do wonder if feeling this way colored my choice. I feel willing to approve of my choice and willing to see it as right.



  50.  #50Beloved on June 30, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    BTW FeminineWoman thank you for being supportive about my birth family choices. It feels good to be decisive and it feels good to be seen and praised. 😀

    Azure Blue again also, thank you for your sweet words, I felt uplifted.



  51.  #51Lovergirl on June 30, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Zia 14-

    I’m supposed to see that guy again, sometime next week. I went out with a different guy today, for lunch. This is the man with 3 daughters that works for one of my favorite radio stations. He also coaches volleyball.

    It went well. He was better looking in person than I expected him to be. He talked a lot and was an interesting conversationalist. We went out for Chinese and he wants to take me to a Mexican restaurant tomorrow eve.

    He seems like a good guy and he is definitely interested in a relationship. I feel a little nervous about that. I’m not sure I want to jump into anything too quickly.

    He knows I had gone on a date the other day and he asked if I was going to see the other guy again. He said he was trying to figure out what kind of competition he has.

    He seems really nice so far, and very understanding about my having kids and a difficult teenager. His girls are from 3 different mothers and none of them live with him. His oldest two are 18 and 16 and he has an 8 year old that lives in another state. His 16 year old has a baby, so he is a grandpa already (he’s 39).

    All of that, of course, could be red flags. Maybe, maybe not. Its hard to say so soon. He does keep in contact with them all.

    He definitely wants to see me again and it sounds like a lot. He was telling me how he gets in all these events and gets tickets free from the radio station and could give them to me and my children. He told me he wants to go on a trip for his bday in October (he’s a Libra and his birthday is the exact same day as the first guy I ever fell in love with and two other guys I have been fwb with).



  52.  #52Beloved on June 30, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    So CDM sent me a followup text saying, he really likes me and wonders if I could just call him and let him know if I want to just cuddle and make out some time? He’d rather have some of me than none at all, and he isn’t seeing anyone else.
    I feel like saying, no thank you, I really am looking for my forever guy.
    I also feel slightly interested, as I had recently been considering just that with him.

    Also on the home front…Today I was cleaning out some trash that RoomieJ left behind and TG asked if he could take that out for me.
    I feel certain I visibly brightened and perked up and I said, “Yes, I appreciate that, thank you so much!” and he also smiled a huge smile, visibly brightened, and said in a happy kind of tone I hadn’t heard him use before, “I KNOW you do, and I appreciate your help so much, thank you!”

    So RoomieJ is out, the ex gf I believe is pretty much gone, he actually deleted a bunch of phone numbers out of his phone so he wouldn’t drunk text and hasn’t responded as far as I know to the latest round of her chasing him trying to get his attention back. I don’t know, it feels kind of like, he overcame some internal conflict, like, he knows what’s good in his life and wants more of that. He said something that made me think he was sort of battling internally over what was “real” love and what wasn’t, and sorted it out for himself.

    Also today at my new job, I work right now with 4 other men in the department. One of them is apparently known for being angry and cranky, and when he was out, the others were saying how they felt amazed that S hadn’t gone off on me or talked smack to me or been mean to me. On the contrary, he seems quite taken with me. What felt interesting to hear, though, was that they said they really liked seeing “the light” (me) over in the corner that’s usually full of darkness (S). So, apparently my beacon is shining. 😀



  53.  #53Dixie on June 30, 2015 at 8:10 pm

    I am so angry right now and feeling so triggered….

    SteadyCD backed off for a day, then again tonight, he was asking what I was doing, etc, which is fine by itself. I was having a stressful moment -the costs of the trip are adding up, my parents are going through a tough time financially, my sister is dealing with post-partum, and yesterday D. told me that he loves me so much. He’s going through something, but it was clear it felt difficult/painful to talk about so I said we didn’t have to.

    So SteadyCD was steady with a stream of texts, offering information about his day, telling me what he was doing… And I felt …. Well, I didn’t want to respond, bc my mind was worrying about mostly finances and my parents. At the end of the night, I did feel badly, so I responded that I was feeling a bit stressed with some stuff going on, and that it didn’t feel good to get into it, but that I felt bad for the short responses tonight. I just wasn’t feeling up to talking.

    Then hd responded, said I could call him (which I don’t want to) but then (and this is the trigger) asked if I remembered what he looked like as a joke (?) and then sent me a picture of himself, taken now. But I did not want/need a picture! I didn’t even know how to respond – I didn’t want to say thank you, bc I didn’t ask for a photo, and I expressed that I was feeling a bit stressed.

    Oh, my stomach feels knotted right now! I just said “Thanks, just feeling a bit stressed. Have a nice night.”

    Yes, it’s not sireny at all, but I feel frustrated.

    Sirens, I’m trying to practice but I feel unsuccessful in practicing any of the tools. I feel so triggered, so unheard.



  54.  #54Dixie on June 30, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    And at this point, I can’t tell if
    a) these are MY fears of intimacies rearing their head by my blaming him for being so forward

    b) this is some form of emotional manipulation, (in the past he has said some very triggering remarks)

    c) this is a chance for me to lean back or just state my feelings.



  55.  #55Dixie on June 30, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    (((jasmine)))



  56.  #56Indigo on July 1, 2015 at 2:49 am

    Dixie,

    This is purely my take on this, so take it if it resonates and leave it if it doesn’t.

    I think we sensitive types have to be careful of people like this. I do think it’s a bit manipulative, but I think it’s on a level which just floats over the head of most people. As a more sensitive soul, you’re going to notice it. It puts me in mind of a guy friend of mine, whom I was actually not dating. I would have been interested, but he totally put me off with behaviour like this. In total I think we actually only met 4 or 5 times, and all were group situations, except for once I let him take me out to coffee. He kept dropping blatant hints about what do I think about dating a guy with (his qualities), telling me how much money he earned, and just in general trying to insinuate himself into my affections, which of course had the opposite effect. I specifically told him in words of one syllable that I didn’t want to date, just to be friends, but he would constantly invite me to things “with him”. When I said I’d love to come but would make my own way there he would sulk. I’d get constant texts saying “hey stranger” and “what you been up to??” and “when are we going to see you?” as if I’d entered into some sort of agreement to see him. It totally put me off, even though without these messages I actually would have been open to spending time with him and his friends of my own free will. In desperation I lied and told him one day that I was seeing someone. A few days later I signed up for a dating site and he found me on there and messaged me… yet again. For me, all of this pushed me into a position where I had to tell him that I was not interested, and to please stop contacting me. I just felt like he had no respect for my space and my wishes. It was a suffocating, clingy space to be in with him which I’d never agreed to. I feel that life is too short to be feeling that way for the sake of giving a guy a chance.

    My belief is, listen to your body, to what it is saying about the guy and about how you feel. Respect your own feelings. Communicate them clearly and then if he doesn’t respect them, if it were me, I’d move on.



  57.  #57Tereana on July 1, 2015 at 3:12 am

    Azure Blu – it is definitely true that having self worth/esteem can give you confidence. No doubt. But it’s also possible to have self worth and self esteem and to still not feel confident. I see it all the time. And of course you are not going to have confidence all the time. But if you have the sense of your own value, this doesn’t matter.

    In my case, I learned when I was young how to “put on” confidence. Like a garment, almost. I can “wear” confidence. I can act it. I can even give off the vibe. But eventually, the lack of self esteem and self worth will show through, in the process of getting closer to someone.

    I’m sure it’s improved over the years. But I have very deep-seated issues, and they do not budge easily.



  58.  #58Tereana on July 1, 2015 at 3:14 am

    Ladies, I feel incredibly depressed right now. : (((((((



  59.  #59Millie on July 1, 2015 at 4:12 am

    (((Tereana))) why so you feel depressed? Go dancing 😉



  60.  #60Millie on July 1, 2015 at 4:14 am

    Thank you Azure and Femininewoman 🙂 I feel light shining down on me 🙂



  61.  #61Dixie on July 1, 2015 at 4:40 am

    Indigo,
    Thank you so much. What you’ve described is exactly how I’m feeling, and his behaviour is so similar to what you’ve experienced also.

    Yes, it’s the small comments that reveal the details. I now remember that last fall, I was briefly, for a minute, dating someone and the same thing happened. Wanted to be in my life before I invited him: when I had to cancel a date because of a spontaneous trip to help my dad, he mentioned it was okay because he was certain that next year, he would be joining us on the trip! He wasn’t joking. In the end, I told him how I felt, that the comments made me feel uncomfortable and pressured, and he turned it back on me, saying some unkind things which did not bother me too much.

    Your feedback above reminded me of that situation and yes, I will have to be direct with steadyCD.

    Thank you!



  62.  #62Azure Blu on July 1, 2015 at 5:24 am

    (((Tearana)))
    warm, summer hugss to you!



  63.  #63Azure Blu on July 1, 2015 at 5:30 am

    (((Jasmine))) #45
    I soooo agree with Liquid Light…

    “because you are genuine and authentic. You embody what this blog is all about and whether you realize it or not, you are a siren. ”

    Also I love what Millie has posted earlier in this thread!
    Notice how far YOU have come…

    “I graduate to a new understanding or relarionship and expand my own emotional breadth and capabilities. I started on this blog as a woman who didn’t know how to get what she wanted, who chased love up the wrong trees, who only knew fwb type situations and longed for more. I’ve graduated to knowing how to date, to knowing how to express myself, and to having men who see me as more… And soon I will graduate to being about to hone in on men that are better for me, I will graduate to knowing how to navigate the early stages of a relarionship and eventually learn to be in something that lasts.”



  64.  #64Azure Blu on July 1, 2015 at 5:35 am

    Jasmine…
    When reading your authentic, vulnerable voice…
    My thoughts came to these facts…

    You did an AMAZINGLY life changing thing
    when YOU left B!!!
    Have you Given yourself the love and appreciation for this (maybe all day today!!!) you sooo deserve?

    You taking Exquisite care of that adorable little girl (Jasmine)
    who had felt neglected and unheard…

    You immediately left for your lovely trip
    And Im wondering if you have taken
    the time to process all the anger and self hatred that might be found around all of this…?



  65.  #65Azure Blu on July 1, 2015 at 5:38 am

    Liquid L #48
    Wow… Lovely Siren!!
    These are powerful and insightful words
    you have shared!!

    So supportive and strong… thank you!



  66.  #66Femininewoman on July 1, 2015 at 5:46 am

    (((((((((((Tereana)))))))))))))))))))))

    I wish I could reach through the screen and hold you, sit with you so I could help the feeling of depression evaporate out of you. Sometimes I know we can feel terrorized by life. Then things turn around and work themselves out. I really hope this phase of depression passes quickly lovely one. You are worthy of all the good things that life has to offer.



  67.  #67Azure Blu on July 1, 2015 at 5:46 am

    Sirens.
    It is a full moon!!! Some of this anxiety and energy can be explained and
    tapped into…

    “There’s power, challenge and action embedded in this Full Moon…”

    “Crisis or Opportunity. Your choice. There’s a tendency to feel pushed and pulled with a configuration like this.

    “With Pluto aligned with Moon in Capricorn, the practice is how to show up for your responsibilities, lean in to your maturity, eliminate what stands in the way of what you want to build in your life, and empower your own inner authority.

    “With transformative Pluto aligned with the Moon you have an opportunity to get very clear on what your long-standing unmet emotional needs are and you can bring some extremely powerful emotional change into your life right now especially with Sun/Mars raring to take on action on a new front.”



  68.  #68Azure Blu on July 1, 2015 at 5:48 am

    PS….
    ““There is a certain sensitivity to this Full Moon in Capricorn and it may involve financial matters or professional needs in opposition or conflict with personal or family needs and emotional security.
    “The Sun in the sign of Cancer, which suggests the need for emotional bonding and the Moon in Capricorn suggests the need for attending to responsibilities and the professional world.
    “You need to strike a balance between the two opposites so that there is greater harmony and flow…”



  69.  #69Femininewoman on July 1, 2015 at 5:50 am

    Hi Dixie.

    For some reason reading your words something struck me like this might be turning into a power struggle. I wonder if it is that you are in a place in your life where you really don’t want a relationship quite yet? How are the other goals, passion and purpose on the planet going for you? Have you achieved anything that you believe you are here to do yet?



  70.  #70Femininewoman on July 1, 2015 at 5:58 am

    “In my case, I learned when I was young how to “put on” confidence. Like a garment, almost. I can “wear” confidence. I can act it. I can even give off the vibe. But eventually, the lack of self esteem and self worth will show through, in the process of getting closer to someone.”

    Yes Tereana. And I am sure that I have seen Rori write about acting as if, until you do eventually get it. Keep going lovely siren. Everyone else out there that you look at have their own insecurities and areas where they lack confidence. It is part of the human condition. Believe in yourself that you can do this. If you don’t, then stand in front of the mirror and start talking to yourself until you do. It is an ongoing process.



  71.  #71Victoria on July 1, 2015 at 6:23 am

    Femininewoman and Tereana,
    absolutely, we all have insecurities!
    I read something today, that when first year students at Stanford get asked who thinks they were an admissions mistake, 2/3 of people typically raise their hands 🙂



  72.  #72Dominique on July 1, 2015 at 6:56 am

    This may shed some light on insecurities. I’m not finding right away the article on acting AS IF. Maybe it will turn up later.

    http://sexandheart.com/your-bad-parts/

    xxoo



  73.  #73Azure Blu on July 1, 2015 at 8:49 am

    Dominique…
    thank you!!! Soooo helpful and soothing!!
    oxoxo



  74.  #74Jasmine on July 1, 2015 at 11:51 am

    Thank you for your lovely kind support Sirens – I feel embraced. I felt so wired and stressed last night and I felt anxious that I might get more texts but I didn’t and I feel relieved. I didn’t respond in the end to his apology – I didn’t want to open up conversation. When I’d had (a little) sleep I felt more curious about your comments LL and I thought that, yes, I had been shut down and guarded a little but actually when I look at it now I feel happy that that’s how my body/brain reacted. I was feeling repelled (though didn’t realise) by the territory of the conversation – I didn’t want to know about his exes, or talk about mine. And I was feeling like he’d happily put me in the box of ‘I want a relationship’ regardless of everything (who I actually am) and that felt suffocating. And he wanted to know all the superficial tick box stuff but he didn’t want/or wasn’t able, to go any deeper – with anything. No, it didn’t feel interesting, fun or comfortable. And I have been really spoiled with all the wonderful, variable men I met on my trip and all the excitement and this just felt dull.

    Azure Blu – thank you for your helpful, insightful comments – I feel warmed – yes I have been pondering occasionally what I still may be carrying with me from the B days. I don’t think about him often but if I do I still feel anger ‘at’ him but mostly it’s about finances. I feel resentment about his lack of support with money. I also feel a bit weird, heeby jeeby about returning to my house, and maybe a little bit, that city. I feel a bit tainted by that experience. I don’t know if I feel self-hatred around that. I felt powerless and I guess that’s what my body and brain went into protecting yesterday. I DO NOT want to be positioned by anyone.

    I’ve always been like that and my mum can activate huge rage triggers in me still. Surges of adrenalin that I don’t have much control over. It feels horrible and it does feel like living with a demon that can rage up. My dad interestingly, doesn’t, trigger me like that though and we used to FIGHT – he was a rager too. Now, with him, I can actually catch my breath, explain in feelings what is happening with me and he responds. SO I CAN DO IT. My mum gets all in my space and I feel very judged by her – because we are very different. And it’s then that I feel triggered, and defend myself – someone trying to ‘make me be’ something I’m not. I guess last night I felt like that man was all in my space, or wanted to be and I didn’t like it. I didn’t lash out but I felt caged in and spikey. My mum has never been able to manage anger very well and so I feel like it’s something ‘demonesque’ – I’m going to try loving on my anger some more – that’s my shadow, that’s the part I live fearing and trying to contain but it has tried to keep me safe – I’ll try loving on it some more

    I can definitely feel the energy of the moon – its felt super antsy at work too and my sleep is practically non-existent (I often get like that! with the full moon) It’s a beautiful one though!



  75.  #75Rori Raye on July 1, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    FW – So glad you’re doing well – and this July 6th session of RRRCT will be it until next July – so – one more group of free Trainees after this one, and that’s it for a long while! This current, nearly graduated group IS the group after the great Tatia – and I’d love to know (personally might be better) who you contacted and didn’t hear from. Either their technology wasn’t working, maybe their contact info dead-ended in a way it shouldn’t, or they became overwhelmed and your inquiry got lost…and, so sorry for that time that didn’t result in anything.

    And – I really do need to get you all coaches who are GOOD – good, affordable coaching can make everything come together, and I don’t see anyone much out there I’d ever refer to other than my friend Virginia and the RRRCT sisterhood.

    I will take your suggestion to heart and light a fire under them to come here and TALK!!! Love, Rori



  76.  #76Violette on July 1, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    I’ve been feeling so bummed about M disappearing. I keep checking my phone, wondering what it was I did, or said, contemplating reaching out, then wondering if he has another girlfriend, or is actually a jerk who was judging me for…not worshiping his famous friends.

    And I miss having someone to look forward to. Even if he was triggering, I miss that he was funny and nice and kissed me and understood me on certain levels.

    And it’s blocking my light. I feel like I’ve tuned out of myself, dimmed. I feel like a shadow. I want to go to sleep. I want to disappear.

    CDing is supposed to help but…I felt so excited about the interesting one on OKCupid, and he dropped off too. I guess he wanted me to row the boat, or he felt too awkward moving it forward. Whatever. It did feel awkward, wanting to answer his message in a somehow seductive and intriguing way, while leaning back and being open. It feels impossible!

    And that makes me feel even worse.

    And I don’t have time to be feeling bad. I have some serious work and finance issues to attend to. My career is in need of me. I need my rest, I need to care for my body, I need my energies.

    I have to let it go! I want to! I felt so focused on myself when I met M. And I want to feel that way again, where I don’t care about these men! I might even have my life on track if it weren’t for all these years of pining and wanting and feeling sad and bummed and wondering.

    So I ‘m 36, and I feel too old to not be focusing on this area, on my romantic area. Well, maybe that area will flourish later. Maybe it’s not the time for it. I don’t have the time for it. And I will. As my career and money flourish, eventually, there will be time. And if a man wants to be patient with me now ok, but I’ve poked my head out into the dating pool and made an effort, and none of these men are understanding my situation, they are all taking my work issues personally. If I’m tired it’s because I don’t like them. If I have to work I’m rejecting them. Well forget it! I don’t need this!

    Giving myself permission to put dating and love on hold. Friendships yes, please, dating is for later.

    Now, bright woman of success and brilliant creativity, go enrich your life!



  77.  #77Dixie on July 1, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    FW 69 – Thank you so much for those questiosn. I love that they made me look inside…

    “For some reason reading your words something struck me like this might be turning into a power struggle.”
    -Yes, that is what it feels like with this particular man. Athough he has many good qualities that I can recognize and appreciate in him, the overall feeling is that I am being “schooled” or “taught” or “advised.” I don’t really feel heard, or that my opinions are valued. In many ways, I feel pushed and my natural reaction is to take a giant step back.

    “I wonder if it is that you are in a place in your life where you really don’t want a relationship quite yet?”

    I loved this question mainly because when I check in with my own feelings, I ask myself the same thing And the answer I yes, I really do want a relationship, but one that feels like a partnership. This one feels a bit suffocating, s though I’m being asked to play a role. As Indigo so aptly put, he is assuming a level of intimacy that really isn’t there for me yet, and although that could develop naturally, his pushing for it actually pushes me away.

    “How are the other goals, passion and purpose on the planet going for you? Have you achieved anything that you believe you are here to do yet?”

    I loved this question so much FW. SteadyCD asked me this too, and the truth is that (and I know this sounds a bit corny) I feel lucky and blessed and in all other aspects of my life. I get such a surge of excitement and inspiration from teaching and I know in my heart that my life has purpose. When I get down, I look at my life from the outside and feel silly sometimes because I’ve been able to do more in the last 10 years than I ever dreamed of. It sounds so terribly corny, really, but I know in my heart that I make a difference.

    Years ago, my life’s purpose really centred around my marriage, and pouring all my energy into that. But over the years, I’ve discovered this part of me who likes to be involved in my community, in building community, in making a difference. But SteadyCD doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t really enjoy the same pasttimes as he does, and has criticized my choices.

    FW, I love this question so much because it’s making me articulate for myself what I want. I’ve been in other really good relationships since the divorce, and I know how they make me feel – inspired, safe, excited and supported. I’ve felt like I could soar, but then also simply breathe and be my soft self. With my relationship with D., I knew then that any future relationship would have that delicious energy that comes from having a shared vision. The best way to describe the feeling is that it felt like flying – easy, uplifting, gliding, and always with the sense that we were helping eachother become our best selves.

    But with SteadyCD, I have this uncomfortable, uneasy feeling that he wants me to give that up many aspects of my life, to spend all my free time with him, and to live a life that feels fulfilling to him, but not necessarily to me.

    He did text again tonight, I was appreciative of his attention, and then when I said I was feeling tired and heading to bed, he texted three times to ask why I hadn’t wanted to call him.

    Still, I do have a date with him tomorrow. I will see how it goes.

    That was a super long response to you FW, but you really helped my process some feelings, particularly, where they are coming from. Thank you 🙂

    xo



  78.  #78Dixie on July 1, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Oh Lord, so many typos there! Hope it all makes sense! 🙂



  79.  #79Dixie on July 1, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    Sirens,

    I’m still processing all these emotions that came up from FWs response, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so clear.

    I’ve been catching up with colleague/friends today, and I’ve known them for almost 20 years. Four of them are actually married to each other, so I’ve been witness on a daily basis to some pretty great marriages. What strikes me as wonderful is how in sync they are after 30 years – just supportive, easy, still laughing. It’s this beautiful dance that Rori once mentioned, where both partners are not doing exactly the same thing at the same time, but in the end, their actions are ultimately complimentary.



  80.  #80Indigo on July 1, 2015 at 11:28 pm

    Violette,

    I feel like I resonate so much with what you are writing.

    I know I felt like exactly what you are describing for many months, and just giving myself permission to feel that way. I am now finally feeling like I am ready to poke my head out again, and I now feel like I am ready to be in a relationship and to meet a great man. And I came here naturally, and in my own time.

    I have a date tomorrow night, and one on Sunday night. But both of them I am waiting to hear what the plans are. Ugh. But I don’t care. If/when I hear from them I will just communicate that it feels better to make plans in advance. I have a ladies night on Tuesday, and then I have my wonderful work dinner cruise next Friday so there is plenty to look forward to. And I feel like that’s how it goes when you are ready for a relationship – you can feel excitement and joy at the prospect of going out with a new man, but there are so many other options and so much other happiness in your life that there isn’t time or energy or space to feel disappointed if it doesn’t materialise.



  81.  #81Sami Wunder on July 2, 2015 at 12:37 am

    Feminine Woman!

    I am sorry you have an experience with the coaches not answering. I would be happy to talk to you. Just get in touch directly on coachsamiwunder@gmail.com

    Love,
    Sami



  82.  #82Vee on July 2, 2015 at 1:03 am

    Hello Sirens,
    I have some feelings to let out. If anyone’s seen my first post – my BF has been back for a few days now and he’s been so sweet and gentle with me. It makes me feel like – is this because he missed me while he was away? Maybe he should leave more often? Or is this because of my letting Single Dad get close to me? And the theory behind Rori’s circular dating?

    Honestly I wish I would have known about CDing when I was just a teen girl! At the end of the day, I think it’s because of my minor “circular dating” with Single Dad because when my BF starts treating me “as per usual” – I start thinking about Single Dad and how it felt to have a person keep me company as if he WANTED to instead of some annoying chore. And I think about how it felt to have his arms around me – suddenly my BF starts acting all sweet towards me. Lol Maybe I’m just leaning way back, further than I ever have before and it makes my BF pull me closer.

    Honestly, on one hand it feels great. It feels great to have my BF make me feel like he wants me again and it feels great to know that other men are ready and waiting to hold me close even if my BF does not.

    But also it makes me feel – confused – as with stories like Emerson was telling about. How she has feelings for a married man and yet she hopes that he will remain faithful to his wife at the same time, even if she feels jealous. It makes me feel like – my ‘guilty’ feelings about Single dad – maybe my BF has been feeling this way for our entire relationship about other women while I am clueless. If so – what is even the point?? No judgment towards Emerson – she is completely innocent and so is this married man. Who can help the way they feel? It just makes me question monogamy that’s all.

    Anyway, I feel so nervous about this coming weekend. It’s going to be Independnce Day this weekend and we have plans to spend it with my parents/family/family friends. Both my BF and Single Dad will be there. I am hoping for a drama free weekend. I think my BF and Single Dad will play it cool, if not for my PARENTS. Honestly, my mother loves to make drama – if she even mentions that me and Single Dad hung out the last time I was there…. Ugh! I am so completely nervous.

    Please mom! Don’t say anything. Really she wasn’t there when he tried to kiss me or when he put his arms around me buttttt still she knows how to make things sound even worse than reality. If my BF even finds out that me and Single Dad were alone together – I feel nervous let’s just say that. I’m hoping for the best anyway.

    And what if Single Dad makes more out of our last hang out session together than what it really was? I mean I am sooo attracted to him. He is undeniably handsome – he is so attractive to me on so many levels. I am afraid of him for that. Like if I break up with my BF – Single Dad would be my weakness if he kept trying to pursue me. I don’t want another relationship, I just want to be single me and for me to feel free for the first time. Ughh can I just make them both disappear for a while? That would feel great.

    -Vee



  83.  #83Azure Blu on July 2, 2015 at 3:33 am

    Rori and all the Sirens
    in the last month I have contacted 3 of the new (the list in this post) RR coaches…
    all responded promptly and I had 3 wonderful sessions
    with great follow up from each.

    Thank you all for offering these Free introductory coachings… They helped me sooo much!!
    I would love to continue coaching on a regular basis when my finances improve!!



  84.  #84Azure Blu on July 2, 2015 at 3:46 am

    Dixie #79…
    So nice to hear about long marriages that are still working well… that the level of intimacy is deep and they sound so happy!!!

    My sister and her husband have been together 25 years and they are still like young lovers… of course they have been through many ups and downs BUT have been dedicated to staying and making it work… because of love and loyalty!!

    My mother and my step dad got married when they were both 67
    and have been married for 22 years…
    It has been a blessing to them both
    and they have grown so close and
    happier as the years go by…
    2 very closed off people
    who had been alone for decades when they met…
    They are sooo much more loving now
    than ever
    and I’m sure they are both still alive (89)
    and thriving because of their love for each other!!



  85.  #85Femininewoman on July 2, 2015 at 3:56 am

    Hi Sami, Hi Rori. Thank you.

    I don’t remember the names of the ones I contacted but I do remember one who seemed to have been into yoga based on the information on her website. Seems she was more about yoga than relationship training. In any event it is past. I did get a session with Tatia and I have worked with the lovely Dominique so yeah, I am open to coaching.

    Sami I did read through some of your website and will definitely return. There was an article I read of one of the websites that spoke about going down into yourself like going down into the basement of a house. It was a very good visual and I enjoyed reading the article.



  86.  #86Femininewoman on July 2, 2015 at 4:02 am

    Vee you can use your mind and visualize yourself as single with 100 men bringing you all kinds of kinds of gifts. With your mind you are free to create any kind of reality you want.



  87.  #87Azure Blu on July 2, 2015 at 4:05 am

    Dixie and Indigo…
    I am reading and absorbing the wisdom that you are sharing regarding
    Dating someone who is too quickly
    “assuming a level of intimacy that really isn’t there”
    I too am experiencing this…
    Pilotcd is warm and his energy is showing me much appreciation
    of course it feels good… texting, calling, setting up dates…
    But in the past week has acted like I am NOT going fast enough… like I am doing something wrong
    because he is ready to see me all the time and
    talk all the time (even when i’m at work)

    He has set up a GREAT date
    to see fireworks on Sat. with his friends (he already wants me to meet his friends- you
    know that makes me feel GREAT
    ’cause of how Spirit never really introduced me
    to his friends until 10 months)

    and keeps saying “if it was up to me, I’d fly you up north and we’d hang out all weekend”
    Yes, this is the enthusiasm I like!!

    and I have shared with him
    How I feel… “for me i feel happy taking things slowly…” Yes, i do like texting and phone calls and seeing each other on a regular basis… but this will build up naturally over time…
    I like him alot…
    I am dating other people…
    and I like to take my time and cherish the courtship as it progresses.”

    This is during a phone call last night…
    He continued to push _ gently_ for more… starting the date on Sat much earlier than a few hours before the fireworks… etc…
    He said “You’re not one of those women who makes a big deal out of things, are you?”
    Me: “I know when I feel overwhelmed by too much closeness too soon, I’ll share those feeling with you…”

    But it feels good to read what you Sirens are experiencing and to simply hold my space
    and realize…
    *MY* timing IS perfect for ME!



  88.  #88Dixie on July 2, 2015 at 4:07 am

    Azure Blu…yes! I love seeing positive examples around me bc it feels so inspiring!

    And after much processing last night, I am going to keep my heart wide open tonight with SteadyCD. He says that one thing he loves is my openness to share. When I first met him in 2011, I was very much heart-wide-open bc I was in a relationship and could handle all his energy coming towards me. I “hid” behind the relationship I was in, sharing openly without becoming invested.

    And here he is again, 2015, quite randomly back in my life. FW’s questions yesterday helped me see my real fear of losing my autonomy and independence in a relationship.

    How is this for mirroring? D. is acting almost the same way that I am acting with SteadyCD. Close, but far.

    And the closeness is what turns me on. Soooo, I’m going to practice tonight, staying open, sharing my feelings in a very honest and authentic way. And then, who knows?

    If SteadyCD is a good man for me, messenger or otherwise, I don’t want my fears to get in the way.



  89.  #89Dixie on July 2, 2015 at 4:13 am

    Azure, how I love your spirit and passion!

    You are really such an inspiration!

    And yes, I can see that I was farther along in my timeline with D, mostly because of what the Universe has shown me in SteadyCD, who is farther along than me this time! It’s really almost funny!

    If I’m asking SteadyCD to respect my timeline, then I have to respect that D is on his own timeline, and there is nothing I can do but accept that and keep moving myself.

    Oh, everything seems so clear today.



  90.  #90Azure Blu on July 2, 2015 at 4:16 am

    Dixie #88
    I agree… I want to keep my heart open…
    and practice being with someone who
    is EXCITED about ME and us!!!
    I haven’t felt this sense Spirit and I started
    dating a year ago…
    BUT also not getting too invested (I am continuing to CD of course)
    Practicing sharing MY feelings as they Show up
    with this warm, funny and adventurous
    (he doesn’t feel dangerous like Spirit did)

    Good luck to us Dixie – showing our Siren selves!!



  91.  #91Dixie on July 2, 2015 at 4:17 am

    Dear Vee,

    This stood out for me in your post: “I don’t want another relationship, I just want to be single me and for me to feel free for the first time.”

    Maybe your answer is right there?
    Xox



  92.  #92Azure Blu on July 2, 2015 at 4:27 am

    Dixie #89
    Thank you for those lovely words of appreciation!!
    They feel like a warm hug!

    Isn’t that interesting, that when we are cding
    we gather all sorts of insights into ourselves…
    -just as Rori teaches-
    how we were in our last relationship…
    How the man must have felt…
    how to be better at sharing our feelings…
    how the more intimate and close we get
    our insecurities surface
    Too good,

    I feel lucky to have these men
    excited and willing to put their heart
    out there
    just like me!!

    I’m with you, Dixie, today
    I feel much more clarity
    it truly is a GREAT day!



  93.  #93Femininewoman on July 2, 2015 at 4:36 am

    Dear Vee I am also wondering if you have an exclusivity agreement with him so he know the terms of your exclusivity. Do you?



  94.  #94Tereana on July 2, 2015 at 10:11 am

    OMG, you ladies are the most perfect, the most beautiful, and the most amazing. I was feeling in such a deep, dark place the other day. Now I still have the depression, but my thoughts are shifting somewhat.

    FW thank you so much for your words!

    Azure Blu, I loved what you posted about the astrological positions of the moon and planets. That really resonated with me. “Lean into your maturity” – I love that.

    Thank you, sirens!!!

    Thank you for the hugs.

    A big hug to all of you, too!

    Xox



  95.  #95Liquid Light on July 2, 2015 at 10:19 am

    Azure, The pilot sounds great! Excited for you! I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed so early on but I would try to sit with the discomfort. I think this is fairly typical behavior for men if they like you a lot so its a good thing! Have fun on the adventure. Big hugs, LL



  96.  #96Azure Blu on July 2, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Liquid L…
    Ahhh lovely Siren,
    Sooo difficult for ME to sit
    with This kind of discomfort…
    A Man giving me positive, warm, genuine appreciation
    about ME…
    AND it sounds like good advice…I will try and
    give it my most Sireny Try!!

    Big Hugs to you also!
    oxoxo



  97.  #97Liquid Light on July 2, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Azure, keep us posted and have fun on your July 4 date!

    I’ve been feeling pretty down mostly about my work situation. Its been dragging me down on so many different levels. And I’ve been drained and exhausted so that’s been compounding everything. I crashed hard last night and had a little mini breakdown.

    Maybe I needed it because today I had a breakthrough. It hit me that this man at work has no power over me anymore. I’ve broken free of his hold on me, the spell that I felt like I was under no longer grips me. And it hit me that the dynamic with him, the weird control that he was starting to have over me, was exactly like the dynamic with my ex. And the whole thing with the manager at work was bringing up all these feelings and yearnings for me ex. Ughh, it felt awful to revisit all of that turmoil and pain and longing.

    But then it suddenly hit me that neither one of me has control over me. Strange, its almost like they are the same person. And that the manager in particular has nothing over me. I don’t really care about him and the project. I could easily walk away from it and not look back. So the dynamic between us will be completely different moving forward. I think he has sensed this already but he will know for certain soon enough that he has no power over me anymore. He won’t like it but I don’t care. If he continues to ostracize me on the project and make things difficult for me, it will be like water off my back.

    If they lose me on the project, which I don’t think he wants, they don’t really have anyone with the expertise in this subject that can step up and get up to speed very quickly. So I doubt that he will want me taken off the project but who knows.

    Anyway, I’m feeling so much better about the whole situation and don’t feel down in the dumps anymore! And I’ve got today and tomorrow off! Yippy!



  98.  #98Liquid Light on July 2, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    Just wanted to add one thing, the reason I have broken free of both of these men is because I realized that neither one of them has been good for me. They are both dangerous, callous, and selfish men and do not act in my best interest. It is best for me to avoid men like that. I was seduced by the charm, humor, bon-vivant personality, and power that they held. But neither one was/is good for me.



  99.  #99Azure Blu on July 2, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    Liquid L… #97-98
    ohhh… I am soo happy to hear how you have flipped this whole senario!!!
    Wow!! the power of that is awesome!!

    You broke the Spell!!!
    it is soo good to read how you did this…
    REalizing your own power…
    You CAN walk away
    Love this!!



  100.  #100Liquid Light on July 2, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    Thanks Azure! I so appreciate your encouraging words!

    Now I’m wondering if this manager at work came into my life so that I could work through some of the unresolved feelings for my ex. So interesting!

    If so, it really is a huge gift! 🙂



  101.  #101Sassy on July 2, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    New thread up!!!

    See you there….

    Where is Turquoise???



  102.  #102Vee on July 2, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    FeminineWoman – So true & yes my BF and I have been exclusive since day one. Like I said, I wish I would have known about CDing back when I was a teenager lol.

    I don’t know how to tell my bf that I now believe in dating others and not being a girlfriend- without feeling like it would cause too many problems.

    I’m not even trying to date anyone, I’m just trying to not be anyone’s GF and to feel more opened towards others – but mostly I want to feel more opened towards MYSELF . For now, I’m just here taking baby steps, trying to focus more on me & less on my bf and his feelings. It feels much better!

    Dixie – So true! I keep hearing myself say the same thing over and over again. I just want to be with me for a while.



  103.  #103Tereana on July 3, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    actually, I think leaning *back* into maturity feels good…



  104.  #104Azure Blu on July 3, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Tereana…
    So glad you liked what I found on the
    Full July Moon…
    Actually the native americans call this
    the Full Buck Moon
    as this is the time when the young male
    deer begin growing their antlers!!

    This stood out for me.
    “With transformative Pluto aligned with the Moon
    you have an opportunity to get very clear on what your long-standing unmet emotional needs are
    and you can bring some extremely powerful emotional change into your life
    right now
    especially with Sun/Mars raring to take on action
    on a new front”

    I’m ready TAKE that opportunity!!