Learn To Love The Cycles Of Your Personal Healing Process

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Lovely question from Ann:

“Oh Rori, there are days when I am so inside my own body and deep inside myself and in a state of strong surrender.

On days like those I want to be with a man and have him take care of me and make love to me and worship me every day.

Other days I feel resistance (to what I judge to be over-stimulation of the senses) and that’s when I want alone time with nobody around me. Is that me shutting down?

I’m so excited to hear how to put a speech and script together about sharing who I am, my fears, how I want the relationship to look, and what I’d need in a marriage.

From Me:

Ann – we all feel that ping-pong thing where we open up and then shut down.

It’s the way the process works.

The pond gets muddy, then it settles and gets clear.

Then a leaf falls in, or a rock, and it get’s “disturbed” and gets all muddy again.

Then it gets clear.

Learn to love the cycle.

Muddy. Clear. Muddy. Clear. Muddy. Clear.

Swirling. Calm. Swirling. Calm.

Muddy. Clear…

Love, Rori

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416 Comments

  1.  #1Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Muddy Clear, first time for me! 🙂



  2.  #2Iamabutterfly on December 12, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I love the cycle. Especially when the guy “gets” it, and doesn’t write me off…:)

    As long as I don’t write myself off, I’m good.

    No, I’m great.

    Feeling swirly goodness.

    Thanks, Rori. 🙂



  3.  #3Emoticon on December 12, 2012 at 9:00 am

    My cycle lasts half an hour



  4.  #4Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Hi Daria… I love your worry about the chemicals in a memory foam mattress.

    Thank you for caring.

    I love the uncomfy feeling in my throat and mouth

    I love my fear of being unattractive at this skinniness

    I love my desire to arrange clothes in an easy beautiful harmonious zing way



  5.  #5Smile on December 12, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Aw thanks SMB from last thread.

    I’m enjoying dating but it leaves me no time to read anything on here 🙁 I always learn so much. I will try read back tomorrow night.



  6.  #6Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Radlove – I think you’re setting yourself up for perverted disturbed answer asking a q like that. You probably can’t tell cuz it’s in your vibe, but to me it looks like ‘why would she ask that … That sounds weird and creepy. That would encourage scary men to come out of the background’

    also this is where I think your work lies ‘to be blunt, sifting thru men who I know are not for me is NOT what I need. I was nerd magnet Radlove most of my life. I know how to ward off losers. I know, that was judgmental. But that is how I really feel.’

    This seems to be holding you back. Most of my personal work is interacting with men who are not the one for me. At all. That’s where most of my growth is. That’s how my vibe opens and lifts. It sounds like you’re not being honest enough with these men. Can you truly say that you speak ONLY in Feeling messages and don’t wants with them? Being poetic and leaned back? Receiving and practicing worthiness?

    The practice with these men is what makes the greatest changes in myself to bring in the more attractive men for me.

    I relate a lot to the loneliness and boredom thing…



  7.  #7Femininewoman on December 12, 2012 at 9:33 am

    I believe chivalrous men are all over the place.



  8.  #9Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Radlove – in other words, trying to ‘weed out creeps’ brings in creeps

    Trying to avoid ‘nerds’ brings in nerds

    These things don’t need to be thought out and avoided upfront, ‘bad behavior’ gets easily weeded out in interaction with healthy boundaries

    I wish instead we could talk about what tools we practiced on dates and how that’s changed us.



  9.  #10Violette on December 12, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I didn’t hear form J for our date on Mon, so I went to yoga and made other plans. He left me 4 messages that night, and one the next day (I was planning to call him back when I got a breather from my busy day), and then came to my house before I could call back!! I was on the phone with another date when he showed up, and getting ready for a date with third guy for that night. I was so flustered. J kept talking about how he realized he has feelings for me and tried to sleep with me right then. I told him I was free this weekend for dinner, and I had to go…he left without making plans with me, and my schedule is filling up!
    I’m flattered he came by but I also feel so thrown. I had on no makeup and was dressed in a sweater with holes in it…which was funny…plus I feel like he’s trying to test me to see what he can get away with.
    Anyway, it’s feeling like a whirlwind and I’m really trying to let go of the intense feeling so I can focus on me stuff. All this dating and men is feeling really intense!



  10.  #11Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Wow Violette! Way to honor your boundaries!



  11.  #12Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I believe chivalrous men are all over the place too.



  12.  #13Daria on December 12, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I wonder if I should drop my requirement of no army men or law enforcement … I do screen for those men even if they are attractive, I usually don’t respond.

    Hmm I guess that means I’m doing well with it?

    Feeling a little unsure of myself



  13.  #14Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Radlove I too feel the question is attracting the not so good men. The creepy ones who just want to talk about sex online and not the guys that actually want to meet in person which can be extremely difficult I know.

    I loved the profile you put up the other week, the one that Rori had vetted for you.



  14.  #15Linda on December 12, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Boy can I relate to this post!!!.

    This is what is happening to me.



  15.  #16Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 10:08 am

    #8 FW

    I love Rori’s red Christmassy blouse, don’t have time to watch it now but will catch up later.



  16.  #17Femininewoman on December 12, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Yayy Violette.

    It reminds me of a girl at church who was being courted by a guy up to hurricane Sandy time. He was doing everything to fill up her time. He is currently in another State because his son fell ill since about 4 weeks now. I was shocked this past week to see her with another guy announcing their engagement. It seems he is a guy from her past who was being ambivalent about her.



  17.  #18Femininewoman on December 12, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Focus – looking for creeps so you can weed them out.

    What you focus on increases?



  18.  #19Femininewoman on December 12, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I am focussing on creating a strong loving vibe around me and operating from my heart. At the beginning of each day I set an intention to do this and I am mostly succeeding.



  19.  #20MovingMagic on December 12, 2012 at 10:49 am

    I’m finding that practicing no expectations feels so much better than the opposite. Mostly it keeps me from going into a place of thinking, & wondering. I’m not feeling the need to take other peoples ‘stuff’ so personally. I’ve been practicing it in all of my interactions with men, & stepping back when my thoughts go to that place. Breathing in & breathing out…it just feels better.



  20.  #21Tam on December 12, 2012 at 11:04 am

    oh I wrote something about chivalry on the old thread..might re-post



  21.  #22Tam on December 12, 2012 at 11:06 am

    There is something chivalrous in every man, I believe, though not all are text book.
    Even a rough guy can be chivalrous…in his own way. Even MrP was chivalrous..he wouldn’t open car doors, but he would always make sure I was fed, watered and comfortable. He would actually get on my nerves and overfeed/over-ask/over-protect sometimes.
    But I considered that chivalrous.
    He once scolded his brother for swearing in my presence which had me surprised.
    Last night I probably went out with the most chivalrous of all my dates ever, but what do you expect from a David Niven…ha ha.
    I felt slightly off-balance, like it was a bit too smooth for me but then he slipped up by pouring himself wine first (though admittedly my glass was still almost full….so I though ‘ah, not that smooth after all’.
    Ha!!
    But when he opened the car door for me he even held out his hand…as I fell ungraciously out of a rickety classic car…it struck me as a movie scene…just that the lady was stumbling rather than gliding out of the car..too funny.
    I like chivalrous men, but I really believe chivalry comes in disguises sometimes



  22.  #23Daria on December 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

    She’s back at it, answering messages and voicemails like a champion woo hoo 🙂



  23.  #24Mercedes on December 12, 2012 at 11:19 am

    I’m in the muddy part of my cycle right now. I just want to sleep…for a very long time…and take a sabbatical…a long one…

    Let’s hope this doesn’t last long.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  24.  #25GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Radlove, I tee-totally wholeheartedly AGREE with what Daria has said to you. It may seem weird or inscrutable right now, but it’s true.

    The need for protection begats more need for protection.

    This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stand up for ourselves or stand firm, but that’s the role of the honesty and bluntness (or however she said it) that Daria refers to imo.

    As I said at end of last thread, move THROUGH every negativity, till it untwists, then voila, no more (or not so many) “negatives” will exist for us. The stories in your mind about your life are begatting more of themselves. It is simply how life works. No fault, no blame, no “wrongdoing”. It just does what it does.

    I feel that when you assert yourself verbally with men as you described with the man who wanted to meet you at the convenience store and said “lose my number”, yes you may get a newfound sense of your own assertiveness, BUT you bind yourself to the experience of more of these men.

    When Daria got that email from the man (on last thread here) who said her “only flaw” was that she couldn’t pay for dates, she didn’t “assert” or bite back, she said “Thank you for the compliments!” She didn’t herself up in the energy of that, she let it go, swallowed the chicken and spit out the bones and had NOTHING TO PROVE.

    You have something you think you need to prove. This imo is why you keep encountering the same depressing men… you’re putting out energy of “I will win this fight” so the universe as God set it up (law of attraction) is bringing you opponents to fight with in this exact way, over and over again, bc that’s what you’re putting out.

    I hope this helps. I know you are hurting!! Big hugs! i talk bluntly to you bc I believe you can handle it, just think of me as the blog’s Joyce Meyer lol, all this is meant with GREAT love, care, affection, respect and regard toward you. I really care about you a lot.



  25.  #26GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

    …I meant that she didn’t *bind* herself up in the energies of that, but she let it go.



  26.  #27GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

    FW I agree totally about when we become able to talk about sex it moves through pretty fast with men. Sometimes it seems they just want to know their Mars energy is allowed in the room/conversation and that we are not intimidated by it, and after they do, they also get bored with talking about it and are comfortable to move on to other things. At least this is what I experience.



  27.  #28Tam on December 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Oh Curly invited me out for tonight, meeting at the Ladies night place we met last week…I am in a way glad that I have something else on already. I would go there probably but two nights in a row is too much.
    La ti da.
    I knew he’d be in touch though…not a ‘ball-dropper’…
    we shall see…meanwhile I have a Xmas party to go to tonight, with lots of old ladies…not many men. Looking forward to it.



  28.  #29Tam on December 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

    I noticed Curly always has the last word…always send the last message…always initiates and is in contact every day since we met last week and he established that I am not, in fact, his friend’s date and then got my phone number. We had met a few times before, but he kind of stayed clear…men’s loyalty to each other can be interesting too. I love observing all this stuff. I am actually lucky that I have a few men friends, it gives me a great deal of insight….



  29.  #30Daria on December 12, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I’m feeling a little sad

    I’m feeling a little better

    I’m feeling excited about my fatten Daria up plan

    W organic rice, beans, cornbread and sweet potatoes

    W organic butter…

    I want to make big pots and pans of each and eat fully for a week up to 10 days



  30.  #31MovingMagic on December 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

    A friend & sometimes lover came over last night, & we started talking about sex pretty openly. Ive found that men get a kick out of talking openly about their experiences/preferences. Most won’t spend the whole night talking about it. The topic comes in waves. I can understand the hesitation over talking with someone you don’t know about it. My instincts usually take over pretty fast…either it feels good, or it doesn’t. I usually let them know that I don’t feel comfortable with the subject. If they persist, I walk away.



  31.  #32Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Meanwhile I want to keep doing my T-tapp movements and move into doing muscle growing step ups for my butt and thighs, also seems to tighten my waistline. Then I’ll eat two sardine cans back to back after for protein.

    Then move into a meal w quinoa and egg mixed w some greens. Beans would go well with that.

    Maybe one can sardines and the second can into the meal.

    I feel excited 🙂

    It all feels so doable…

    My energy feels very available to Me right now



  32.  #33Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Thank you Daria for thinking of this

    Thank you for planning this for me

    🙂

    Thank you for swallowing my liver nourishing herb compacted pill

    Thank you for drinking water

    Thank you for pooping

    Thank you for thinking about making my mattress healthy

    Thank you for sleeping w the window open

    Thank you for thinking about showering

    Thank you for thinking about having warm hands and feet



  33.  #34Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Ohh also another protein option I can get is organic grassfed cow whey

    I can ask for that for Christmas

    I’d also really like 2 t-tapp DVDs, the foot and finger health and the barefoot dvd



  34.  #35Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    The men that are mu friends pimp their baby mamas , fight women, and do all kindsa other off shit! I feel like putting my hand on my forehead and shaking my head and getting smily and teary eyed w endearment

    I have an urge to judge myself for loving them and not judging them … And I feel so glad it’s not that strong

    That is so cool! And I’m do not judgemental about some of the things men do!

    And yet I don’t have to encourage that to be friends, ugh I feel so much love for muself

    And now I know how to choose a husband for muself not a friend

    Yay life feels good life loves me!



  35.  #36Violette on December 12, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Thank you Daria and FeminineWoman for the encouragement, it’s really nice (:



  36.  #37Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    My friend thinks she met Chris Brown back in the day and he got in a fight w her too!



  37.  #38Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    The pimpin tide is turning or it’s likely me turning it cuz I’m so amazing. All these men wana get married now that’s wat I’m talking about



  38.  #39Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I’m feeling unconfortable talking about this. I judge ‘women’ as judging me my man friends this mindset as ‘gasp omg oh no’

    I defend against that by thinking ‘silly bitcghes, I’m hard and these hoes are sheltered and dumb’

    And then I feel bad and hard and isolated (safe)

    I feel sad seeing this pattern!

    I feel scared and trembly in my tummy

    Oh I love me

    I feel so glad I’m healing this!



  39.  #40GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Thank you Dominique for saying to me to feel comfy and love me in my skininess… I think it triggers me still somewhat bc I associate it with illness and THAT’S where my trigger is.



  40.  #41GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    #39 Daria, I’ve had to heal the same thing. It has SO many parts and pieces for me. I used to call those women “ice cream queens” from a punk song from a band I knew in Atlanta. I set myself up for so much isolation, it was a long journey for me. I only had guy friends back then mostly… no wonder.



  41.  #42Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    I’m sorry for even thinking that there could be something wrong w u n your friends and connections D.

    You know I love you.

    You know the thing is, I respect and admire ‘judgemental D’

    I feel curious about this

    I love mu sheltered self

    I feel sad

    I love my naive self

    I love my gets easily tricked self

    Wow sad I love my sadness

    I love my anger

    I love my shock and fear

    I love my in pain self

    I want a flashy , fantastic, famous, talked about life. I want to be seen and be an inspiration even after death

    I want a peaceful fulfilling soft comfortable rich lush nourishing life

    I want a fun singing and dancing and eating life

    I want a community life

    I want to feel at home I want to feel part of I want to feel important I want to feel a piece of the puzzle

    I want to feel I’m in my role

    I want to feel good!

    I feel guilty

    I feel like I’m fuchkin up my gifts

    I feel tense now!

    I don’t want drama!

    Hearing it

    Ok it’s relieving I feel tight in my chest I feel cast typing I fee right in mouth

    I feel excited

    I feel scared!

    I love my sacredness

    Thank you for noticing this

    I love my hopelessness

    I love my tummy lurch



  42.  #43CurvySiren10 on December 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Radlove, with all due respect- the whole “fairy tale” notion of romance is just really not so healthy. I say that not to insinuate it doesn’t exist or others may have such “fairy tale” aspects to their relationships, but just that having the EXPECTATION of a man providing that to you in order to be an appropriate date is -in my opinion- a recipe for disaster. Romance can mean so many different things to different people. I suggest staying open to whatever it may present itself as. To me, there is NOTHING more romantic than an emotionally mature man who doesn’t avoid communicating in a grown-up way with me. He may not be into chocolates or flowers or candles, but he is perfect for me. I would really look deep inside of myself to find out where that desire comes from. If it’s because of media influence, or the idea of what you’ve been enticed to believe matters, it would be very beneficial to shake those expectations and focus on the things you need to feel attraction like respect, communication, humor…whatever real character traits matter to you vs. someone’s idea of what “romance” means to real people, living real lives.



  43.  #44Daria on December 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Ginger Sky – thanks for writing me! I’m babystepping to opening up more w women
    🙂

    I feel scared of their sudden violence! Cuz of my mom haha I feel just excited today seeing stuff about me!

    Practicing my life loves me 🙂 and I’m healing all this yay



  44.  #45Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    YAY Femininewoman – 19 –

    xxoo



  45.  #46Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Awesome MovingMagic, awesome. – 20 –

    xxoo



  46.  #47Tam on December 12, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    nice comment curvysiren…the flowers and chocolates never meant anything to me either…although they are nice to get of course, but I understand that men show love in different ways.



  47.  #48GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    I love my exactly medium body. I love how
    it hovers around the same size no matter what I eat now. I love my large head and graceful neck.I love my gorgeous collar bone area. I love my “fluffy” boobs that used to be bigger. I love my jiggle belly and the white stretch marks on my hips. I love my soft tushy and how it looks in jeans. I love my solid outer thighs and soft inner thighs. I love my fupa. I love my sexy shapely legs and slender ankles. I love my one leg shorter. I love my mismatched hips. 🙂



  48.  #49GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    You and me both, Daria. My mother’s violence made me react by being aloof to women, hardened, untrusting, bored, distasteful, detached, uninterested, resentful and sure they were judging me… I managed my feeling of being damaged goods by acting like I didn’t care and was harder and cooler than “them” (they were so foolish in my eyes like silly dozey cows grazing stupidly secure, bland… BUT my bf’s kept leaving me for those cows lol)… but I was Yin deficient in every way, needed female attention and merging, thought I was gay or bi at one point but knew I wasn’t (no judgment on it, it’s just wasn’t me). Women felt like “other” so I was so fascinated by feminine energy bc I didn’t have mine intact… you’re seeing so much today… it’s making me see stuff too.



  49.  #50GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    GlowStix, that feels beautiful to read.

    What is my “fupa”? (yoni?)



  50.  #51Daria on December 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Hmm candy flowers Chocolates I like that ‘special’ vibe of romance. Not in that way tho no plasticky. All organic. I dono about flowers either.

    Lately I felt sad at them

    Umf

    Maybe flowers

    Me more like, not just the basics .

    Worship

    Oils massages milk baths rose petals (I do t feel bad Bout those!)

    My thought is queen of Sheba

    And ima get Solomon not throw myself after him

    Haha

    Smh at Solomon

    So rich so luxurious romance

    Fulfillment and worship like a temple goddess

    I want my unfolded clothes worshipped

    My strewn papers and bottles

    My twin bed

    My bamboo floors are naturally worshipful



  51.  #52Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Gingersky – 40 – Yes I can relate to this. For me too it was associated with little girl, i.e. no man would want a woman who looks like this.

    Yet it’s all lies and nonsense, as you know.

    About bone broths, though I wish I could be vegan and was for many years, I don’t do well with this diet and have found I feel better and am healthier with seafood and sometimes poultry. Whenever I cook chicken, I always make a pot of broth with onions, garlic, sometimes ginger, spices, cooking it until the tiny bones melt, then adding whatever veggies and left over meat. Body soaks up the nutrients.

    xxoo



  52.  #53Daria on December 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    How can I worship these things?

    I love these things about me

    Choice

    Knocking around in my head?

    I feel a little sad



  53.  #54Daria on December 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    And worried in stirring myself

    Life loves me

    This is healing me that’s why I’m stirring myself up right now

    I love my tight fear and sadness



  54.  #55GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    hmmm I find a tingling in my chest and yes I am judging. Yet I am judging blind judgement, however. I have an urge to laugh and say “You have no idea the density that lies under my soft exterior.” These are my lwn judgements and I accept them. hmmm…Still desiring to prove i’m a tough guy. Psht. Nothing to prove anymore. I don’t have to prove anything for malicious people not to f*ck with me. They see it in me. In my eyes. They know it’s there.



  55.  #56GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    A piece of me I no longer desire to share openly.

    Time to eat soup. mmmm



  56.  #57Daria on December 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Ginger Sky – high 5 on 49. Sounds like me. I even used to pimp. Lol it still feels fun and happy writing that. My pimpCd who is my friend reframed my shit talker side last week
    I love this energy!

    And now I have some softness added in, and also MY BOUNDARIES ARE SO GOOD !

    Babysteps for me ahhh

    Feeling a bit confused…

    Shower time! A Cd is coming



  57.  #58GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    I saved a man’s life a few years ago simply by slipping into that part of me and shoving with all my strength and looking into the eyes of the man stomping buddy’s head into the pavement. He looked into my eyes for about 2 beats. He walked away. I feel pride in that. I also feel frightening and dark. I do my best to stay out of that part of me.

    Ffffft. k i’m gonna hit post. I will post this. Why don’t I want to post this…



  58.  #59GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Daria, I was telling my young guy housemate just earlier that I experience that some women get triggered by something inside them that is activated by an undesirable experience from outside them, and they go off intensely on someone over it, blaming and lashing out.

    He had hugged me from behind the other day as I was cooking, in a moment of kindredness and acknowledgment of so much we share and have worked through together about our individual yet similar woundedness and pain, esp his. I had reached out my hand backwards to him as he was behind me while I was cooking, to get a low-five, and he enveloped me instead. He’s like a son or brother to me, but he feels a bit attracted. So he was worried if he upset me. I said as long as we can talk about anything that happens or comes up, we can move through and heal anything… whatever’s supposed to happen between you and me is meant to happen and is part of our journey.

    I didn’t go off on him like his Mom and he feared that, but he knows I won’t. He wants to make sure I feel safe and comfortable in my home at all times. I want him (and me) to know some women (and men) will go off on someone if they’re uncomfortable, bc they don’t know to look what feels bad as being their own stuff.

    I feel often like connecting physically with someone who I shared kindred moments with… it is me being stuck in male energy. I want to heal that. I don’t need to invite or initiate touch unless it feels clear and appropriate. Met a new woman recently who was traveling through, and we had SOOOOO much in common and both felt it and talked on how good that felt, at her initiation. I wanted to hug her and actually felt kind of emotionally attracted-not-attracted, like I wanted to merge with something about her that I liked and take that quality into myself, though sexually I am not attracted to females. She just had pieces that would make me more whole if I integrate parts of her personality into mine and thereby reclaim lost parts of myself… I wanted to be more like her! So healthy strong and clear! And my psyche was feeling that with no judgments on it (I understand and accept when these moments happen and know that for me they are reactions to woundedness from childhood). We had similar yet complimentary strengths and challenges and childhood stuff. She felt I have that for her too, and was very grateful for the long talks and our agreement to stay connected and share info and life stories.

    I don’t have to push away and go off on someone. I don’t have to pull close and physically connect out of “attachment disorder”. I can be clear and aware/observant, joyful and grounded and feel wonderful in all of it. The connection is still there, and I am now connected inside with myself.



  59.  #60GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    #58 GlowStix, I am so glad you posted that. I understand why you’d hesitate.

    I relate to this experience. A lot.



  60.  #61Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I give thanks and gratefulness every day with my Attitude of Gratitude for:

    My easy peasy job

    For my lovely flat

    For my continued good health

    For my financial abundance (not really but hoping)

    and for bringing love and romance my way.

    Oh thank you Great Universe. I love and desire so much of this in my life.



  61.  #62GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    #52 Dominique, oh good! It makes me feel really happy that you’re doing this and able to do it. My body soaks up those nutrients too, like amazingly. It makes EVERYTHING different and better, like a missing key for me.



  62.  #63GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I wish I could be vegan too, I don’t want anything to die so I can live. But that’s a deep spiritual message too, in my path of connection with Spirit. I struggle with this.



  63.  #64GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Gingersky

    Thank you!

    I also relate to that desire to “merge” with people. I used to end up fascinated with those people. I feel more appreciative for those people now. I believe I have all those facets within me and those people show me how to tap into those parts of me in my very own way.



  64.  #65GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    #57 Daria

    “My pimpCd who is my friend reframed my shit talker side last week
    I love this energy!”

    Right on, Daria!



  65.  #66Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    #65 Ginger Sky

    Lovely of you to agree with Daria, I don’t even know what it means, like a foreign language. 🙂



  66.  #67Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I know I live in a different country, but sometimes I feel like I live on a different planet………..



  67.  #68GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    More than anything I desire to be my most soft, gentle, swirling, twirling, flowing, dancing, mysterious, giggling, and mischeivous me. I desire to be enchanting me. To contain all the volatile and beautiful magic of the universe inside of me and hold reign over it. To be a secret. To exist somewhere within the veil between “real” and supernatural.



  68.  #69Goddess Lily on December 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    I keep thinking it is Friday. I want it to be Friday.



  69.  #70Smile on December 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Ug.

    I feel like I’m pretending to be open. I’m scared to tell him i dont feel as into kissing as he does. He wants to kiss me all the time. I said I feel shy kissing this much in public.
    I feel turned off by his fingernails. I feel turned off by his voice.

    We did the same date again! The cinema. I felt rushed after work to meet him. It’s not suiting me the distance.



  70.  #71Turquoise on December 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Silver Moonbeam… it’s not just you, and I’m just on the East Coast. 🙂 Generation maybe?



  71.  #72Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    #71 Turqouise

    Yes I think so, it’s all like foreign lingo to me, a bit like rap music these days lol!!



  72.  #73Smile on December 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    He said I will take you for a meal. Then when I got there he said I’m at the cinema. I said oh I thought we were getting food. He said yeh I thought we could go to the cinema then get food. Then I said I’m feeling hungry, as in let’s forget the cinema and just have a meal. So I ended up with a rushed mcdonalds before the film started instead of a nice meal. Ug. Well at least I wasn’t hungry any more. He did drive nearly two hours to see me and paid for everything though.



  73.  #74Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    #70 Smile

    What is wrong with his fingernails? Isn’t it weird of how something so inconsequential can be such a turn off? I don’t like long fingernails or dirty ones on a man…………hhhhmm



  74.  #75Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    #73 Smile

    Two hours is a very long drive in the UK though not so much in Australia………….



  75.  #76Goddess Lily on December 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    About the sex after three dates thing. I’ve never heard of it either. Load of BS!



  76.  #77Smile on December 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    SMB, it looks like he has a nail infection or maybe they have fallen off and regrown? I haven’t managed to look properly yet without it being obvious.

    Yes, it feels too far for me to date. For there to be time I have to leave work a little early. He tried to suggest dates nearer him. I think he wants to take turns or was hinting at it but driving feels overwhelming to me



  77.  #78Turquoise on December 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    FW, from the previous post… thank you for my glowing flowers 🙂 I love it!

    Radlove, hope the interview went well! Whoo hoo! I don’t have a lot of time, off to take the girls to tumbling lessons soon… but I feel a lot of people these days just don’t have a lot of money to spend on frivilous things, and seem to want instant familiarity and companionship rather than traditional dating and courting. This time of year, limits what you can do cheaply with the weather, but I’d suggest just meeting for coffee or dessert somewhere if they want to come to your home. I’m not saying it’s right, or true of all men…. just sharing that is what I’ve been seeing. I had a guy friend tell me once, quite bitterly, how used he felt and how unfair it was that he was expected to pay for all dates. He felt used. If you really feel lonely, try to be open to at least meeting the guy who looks older. Maybe he’s just not that photogenic. What’s the harm? I am really looking at dating as therapy, and being open and not judgemental. I’m not saying accept every date if you are really turned off, but maybe be a little more open. The fairy tale stuff… not what most men are looking for. It is what they can be inspired to give you though, when they love and adore you, or even like you a lot. Maybe try to keep that expectation for a relationship, but not what you need to get the possibility of one. What do you think?

    I heard more from chemist, and he said we should go out again which I replied, I’d love to, and he replied really? I said sure. Nothing more yet, but so far we’ve met for 2 meals. Maybe this time we will try something else.

    I’ll post more later!



  78.  #79GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    k2012 You’re noticing what you like and what works for you, what you want to ask for and what feels good.

    Email would work fine for me in this kind of situation and would feel very intimate and respectful… maybe even would help me not be so nervous in communicating with ex. BUT that’s what I like. Your words make me think of how Rori says we will learn our own rythms and styles and essences, and not be afraid to be who we are and to say/ask respectfully for what feels good for us!

    I like this a lot.



  79.  #80GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    k2012 I believe you and I are in the same timezone.



  80.  #81GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    #66 Aw (((( SMB ))))

    Do you feel you wanna talk about any of this? if so let me know. We can teach each other stuff just by talking perhaps? That would feel good for me. I’m available for that if it feels good for you too.



  81.  #82GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    #68 Ooooh, GlowStix, that feels SOOOOO good to read!



  82.  #83Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Daria,

    6 – I appreciate your feedback. Ok, if I were speaking in strictly feeling messages and i wants/don’t wants yesterday with Fishman, who I had a date with at the restaurant followed by the huge pet store, here would have been my feeling messages:

    Fishman, I feel really grossed out by your loose floppy tongue that keeps protruding out of your mouth. I feel turned off by your total lack of interest in exercise and I feel even more turned off by how you speak nastily to the cashiers over returning your defective fishtank hood. I don’t want to be seen with a man who dresses sloppily and looks like a teenager in an adult’s body. I feel turned off by your sharp criticism of everyone and everything around you. I appreciate you treating me out to lunch, but I never want to see you again.

    I did not say any of that. I said thank you and it felt nice to meet you and sure, I’d love to get together again.



  83.  #84GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Radlove

    That can be condensed way down into: I feel turned off and irritated. I appreciate your effort and this date. I don’t want to see you again.

    Then again…I wouldn’t even say that, so I can’t get on you about it.

    I might say “I felt turned off the whole time. Thank you for the date. I don’t want to see you again.” Only if he invited me out again.

    I tend to shy away from FMs if I judge that I would be insulting someone. Who am I to do that? I don’t want to do that. I would just want to leave a man that off-putting in my past.



  84.  #85GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Ohhh…There WAS this one guy who’s sloppy and self-satisfying sex turned me off sooo much that I DID tell him. And told him I didn’t want to see him again and he was at me for weeks begging me to give him another chance. To let him prove himself. Gross. The last time he contacted me I told him I had met someone and we were serious. I hadn’t. Total lie. It was too much for me. Stalker-ish.



  85.  #86GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    SMB, Turquoise, I thought you meant something else, I see what you were referring to now. Lol. (Btw I am 50 years old, soon to be 51. It’s not age or regional, it’s a sub-culture thing. If I understand Daria accurately, this is a street, gang, urban, (in my culture a mountain/Scottish thing), or a rock’n’roll culture type of thing… it has many possible flavors depending on which sub-culture you’re coming from.

    My interpretation(s) fwiw: Daria has had a “shit-talk” side, which means she sometimes goes into a place of speaking boldly from a frame of reference with an attitude of an intense sense of oneself as being very filled with feeling cool, tough, streetwise, superior, intense, crazy-fun, hard and indomitable, challenging, perhaps dramatizing her streetwise abilities, awesome traits and amazingness as an individual in the street culture… maybe mythologizing herself or some aspect of something. It is imo an ancient practice actually, and we see it in various ancient and modern cultures, it’s a valid and real thing, like in Beowulf and other cultural stuff.

    She may have used lingo, rapping, etc in an intense attitude of “I’m awesome, I rock, I got it made, I can do anything I want well, I feel my powers and I know what’s going on here!” Or something of that nature. This is to express savvy and esp prowess, or other senses of oneself (or maybe also to cover one’s conscious or unconscious insecurities/fears). It is an attitude and some consider it an art form! (and/or a necessity).

    (Some also call taking negatively about oneself or someone else as “shit-talk” which may instead be what she was referring to.)

    Her friend reframed it, which you probably understand, but it means basically he gave her a new perspective on some aspect of it and that shifted her energy and what she feels and is manifesting and focusing on regarding this in herself. This is the part I get and was replying to, as I feel happy for her in unlocking some aspect of her awareness and untangling it in some way so she feels more whole and free in herself, and I feel that in myself as well from reading her words, regardless of which way she meant it!

    Daria, I know you’ll react or pipe in if you want. I don’t intend to speak for you, this is just MY interpretation/story jumping off of what you and I said and what they said. I receive correction gladly and excitedly!



  86.  #87GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    #83 Radlove… it seems to me you are caught between being judging and resentful, and trying to be “nice”… which leaves you being dishonest. Oops, NSM is herer and we hav eto have a work meeting, I’ll get back to you… I am behind you sister! love love love



  87.  #88Miss Bells on December 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    HS called this morning and wanted to come get his box of stuff.

    When he showed up he kissed me hello with a kiss on the lips, and we hung-out downstairs–not up in my personal space. Outside in the back yard on this blindingly beautiful afternoon. He stayed about 45 minutes.

    He is asking rather insistently that I housesit for him while he goes–who knows where…

    I told him I couldn’t answer right now. The truth is—I don’t really want to. But I know that will set him off.



  88.  #89Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Radlove – I agree with Gingersky, 87. In this case since your feelings were so strong, turned off, it may have been better, more honest to just have said thank you and that you just don’t feel any connection and then wish him well in his search.

    You can still say this if he calls again.

    xxoo



  89.  #90LoveAlways on December 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    I like the description of the ping-ponging and the muddy pond.



  90.  #91GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    #83 Radlove

    It wasn’t NSM… but he’s supposed to be here by now so I may jump offline soon.

    You are doing great. And maybe the best thing I can think of to do in moments like this is

    a) I feel a headache coming on suddenly, I think I need to go (this dishonesty is for purpose of getting me out of an awkward situation I want no additional minutes in, and making sure a man in my presence who may be too un-evolved to handle rejection doesn’t get nasty or controlling on the spot. It is stil dishonesty and much more, and I’d like to use a better way, but I have done this… and it made me feel safe and I gor the heck outa there).

    b) When he says good bye and asks if you had a nice time, say, “I’m trying to become less impulsive, so it feels better for me if I think about everything in life before I answer an important question, so I hope you’ll feel okay giving me some time to think about that… I had a nice time and thank you for the lunch!” Or anything else you can think of to buy yourself some time and then answer him more honestly over email, knowing he doesn’t know where you live.

    If he’s that gross, I feel sorry for him, but I wouldn’t want another date either, I have been through this same thing many times too. Maybe you can ask prospective dates if they like to exercise, if they are nice to cashiers and waiters, and say online before talking that these things are very important to me and I feel good on dates only with men who have these traits! Kindness and being active in similar ways as I am are what make me feel good.

    Or whatever works… I hope this helps. I so get where you’re coming from. Now I’m remembering many dates with Fishman guys… ow makes my head feel hurty, like I did something wrong, lol! What a tangle! I can’t stand to hurt anyone, but I have. Sometimes over pitiful sex too, or over them talking unkindly to me which makes me not want to have sex or romance anymore. Oh so many memories of this. I never want to hurt any man again, and I feel good for him that you didn’t do that, and I feel so bad for you that he was gross. You will do better. Way better things and men are coming to you!



  91.  #92Turquoise on December 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Thank you Gingersky, appreciate you taking the time to write that all out.



  92.  #93GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Radlove, I wonder which dating site you are on… have you tried OKC? (OK Cupid) I can’t stop and communicate via email or phone yet, and you may not want to since I’ve hammered you so much here lately! I will email you probably tomorrow. Reading your words here is helping me a lot too, its as selfish on my part (in a good way) as it is caring toward you… and equal exchange for me.

    Nothing but love.



  93.  #94LoveAlways on December 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    New Boundary:

    I must receive. I must feel like I’m receiving. I need to feel it. Embrace it. Otherwise I’m not being honored as the siren I am.

    The queen I am!

    My Queen Esther preparation is coming along well. I know it’s holiday season but I feel ready to begin my body and skin detox! I’m reorganizing my sexier under-stuff and lingerie. I’m thinking of revamping my hair style a touch. Beginning a new toning routine to perk up my fannie. LOL And I’m meditating to develop a calmer center frame of reference. I’m slowing everything down to my pace, and enjoyable pace. It just feels delicious being a siren!



  94.  #95GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    #89 Dominique… this is perfection yes.



  95.  #96Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    GingerSky, Daria, and Dominique,

    Thanks for trying to give me pointers. I guess I need to face it that I am jaded. I just pissed off another CD on IM. He just left the conversation, and I just feel like saying FU to the world. I am really seriously soured on most men right now.

    I am in that muddy place Rori talks about. Maybe I ought to just not try to date at all right now. I feel bored and icky about men. None of them are R.



  96.  #97Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    GlowStix,

    84 – I don’t want to insult or hurt anyone either. So I keep my mouth shut.

    What was really weird about this date yesterday is you know how he said he’d give me gas money? Well he waited until just before we were saying goodbye. Before he handed me $10, he asked me if I want to get together again. It left me feeling like no matter what I should say yes, or else he wouldn’t give me the money. And without that money, I couldn’t have gotten to my interview today.

    So of course, gorgeous I had a fabulous time! Please, let me take off so you don’t see me gag as I pull out of the parking lot.

    But in another sense, dating a man like Fishman feels easy, because I don’t give a crap if he’s impressed or not. And at least I don’t have to go places alone. I feel weary deep down inside of being single. I really seriously hate it. I don’t know how anyone stands living alone without soft, warm, furry little animals to interact with. Going to cuddle with them now.



  97.  #98Turquoise on December 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Radlove, for a long time I have felt/believed that I would not meet the right man until I was ready for him. I had a lot going on in my life that I wasn’t tackling/ solving and rather than deal with it or fix it, I dated as a distraction. I could focus on someone else and their problems rather than my own…. And then complain that I just wasn’t meeting the right guy. So, I’ve taken chunks of time off from dating to focus on my life. I’ve handled financial issues, family issues, cleared out 95 percent of the clutter in my home and keep it company ready most of the time. The last thing I feel the need to tackle is my health. In the past few months I’ve had a physical and been tested for everything that could potentially be wrong. Luckily, everything came back good. I need to lose at least 30 pounds, go to the dentist and get my eyes checked. I have a small amount of debt left to pay off, but it’s manageable and I feel ok about it. It’s not that I feel I have to be perfect, but that I want to be my best self to attract my best mate. I like myself better since fixing a lot of this for myself. Any of this sound relatable? I want a healthy man with his life in order, so to attract it, I need to reflect it. That’s how I feel anyways.



  98.  #99GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    #96 And that is the core of it as far as men: none of them are R.

    And so we manifest, in that state of mind/being, a whole bunch of men who are clearly no competition for R, and who leave us under no threat of ever having to break our adoration and connection with R.

    I SO get this. I relate.

    And if it was (and as it has often been) me in this scenario, I strongly suggest CDing with as many non-man things as I possibly can… stop dating yes… and feeling myself fill up with good vibes around things I love… and letting those good vibes fill the parts of me I want to be filled by a man, or by R.

    You like children? Fill your time with them some. When you’re around them, you’ll see them looking at you, adoring, needing, appreciating and growing from your contact. The empty place inside must be filled by what we do for ourselves, then that *creates* the man-magnet to bring the good man/men.

    It seems you’re fulfilling the self-prophecy that resonates with and matches the energy and messages inside your core: no one will get me like R did, no one can be as great as R was, no man can feel as good as R did… and so men show up whom this is true about.

    Wish we could hang out in person, I’d so love that, Radlove. I just wanna go around with you and do girl stuff and not even TALK or care about men and dating! Oooh, that would feel fun for me!



  99.  #100GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Oh, Radlove I forgot you had to get the money from him… yes of course he waited till the end omg… I admire what you did, what a tangly situation.

    Animal love… they love us no matter what!



  100.  #101GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    I love my entry on the last thread #1373. It came out of moderation. It is my manifesto about men who don’t call.

    I have to go do things with my group here… love and good yummy energies and deep caring to all.



  101.  #102Iamabutterfly on December 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    feel nervous. too much perfume, too much red nail polish, too much gorgeous.

    does that even make sense?



  102.  #103Miss Bells on December 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    I don’t want to be pals.



  103.  #104Tam on December 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Radlove, I feel lucky…lucky because maybe I was in a similar situation as you, and one day MrP just did something that peeved me off so much and made me see that he wasn’t good for me…and that I loved myself too much to carry on with this nonsense.
    So far.
    And right at that point someone turned up who is probably not for me, but showed me that there are men out there who have the qualities and traits and interests that kept me so captivated for so long.
    So yes, there are men out there that have all that – and more. I did not believe it and now I do.
    And even if they weren’t there, I am so much happier by myself now than succumbing to this drama again.
    If he stood outside my front door now, I would skip past him and wish him a nice day….and not even stop.
    You will get there also, if things don’t work out.
    And you will find someone. Yes, they won’t be a perfect copy or maybe even similar, but you will know when they turn up for sure.



  104.  #105Luzydel on December 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I wonder if “D” has a gps on me 🙂 every time I start communicating with a new cd he sends me tons of texts… I wonder if he sense it in a way… maybe it is my imagination again lol



  105.  #106Luzydel on December 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    New CD wants to meet today at 8 PM; he wanted Dinner and all I said I prefer a short meeting over coffee; but now I don’t want to go… I said because I was feeling pressured, but I could have said I am feeling pressured… But I said yes ok, one of my things I need to work on is I am “too nice” to the level I say yes then regret it. I should cancel it and say I don’t feel good and that I am open for saturday night… Why did I let him pressure me into meeting today?



  106.  #107Luzydel on December 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Yayy! I aid I could not meet today because I have to wake up early tomorrow and was feeling tired, then told him when I can meet and he agree on next week.

    good practice to ask for what I want; I have issues with that still.



  107.  #108April Rose on December 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Ooh, I feel surprised, and warmly flushed on my cheeks.

    This post is my letter to Rori!

    I wrote it when my heart would zipper itself shut suddenly after I’d first discovered the bliss of being feminine and open.

    I’m shutting down less and less as I practice being an invitation and a siren.

    I shut down when I perceive a man beeing needy or insecure.

    Mercedes (24), I totally feel the same. The muddy winter feeling. I want to stay in bed and hibernate in the lovely warm cosiness. Instead I have to keep on going, facing the chaotic uncertainty of my life. Feels kind of numb and also exhausting.



  108.  #109April Rose on December 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    SMB,

    I felt light and happy reading that you have an easy job and a lovely home.

    I want this too.
    I want some ease and some comfort and beauty in my life and my surroundings.



  109.  #110Daria on December 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Wow Love Always! Thanks for sharing :). That feels hella inspiring 🙂



  110.  #111Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Miss Bells if you don’t want to do something you don’t want to. Hugs.

    Daria, I feel compelled to ask what is a pimp cd. I feel amused.



  111.  #112Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    If you want casual sex then sleeping with someone on date 3 is fine if that is what you want.
    Who made this rule up though that it is right for everyone?

    I personally would want to get to know the man before I got to know his manhood. And I would hardly know someone and if we were compatible after date 3. I may be physically attracted but physical attraction is not enough for me. I feel amused even if I have been in someones presence for weeks, it doesn’t mean I know them, It means I have seen their trained conditioned surface level sociability that they are allowing me to see. I do not start to know the real them until I have had conflict with them and see how they react.



  112.  #113Belle on December 12, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    57

    Daria I love my sh!t-talking side, toooo!!!!
    I love love LOVE her! It’s so much fun to get her all riled up when I play dominoes with the guys
    Especially C and I, we get all riled up, stand toe to toe, poke each other, get all loud, grinning at each other like crazy people 🙂
    What? What? WHATCHA gon’ do ’bout it? Wha?
    Bring it
    I ain’t skeered
    Come on an GETcho spankin’
    I got my whippin’ stick today, hoss
    hahahaha 😀

    Today was even better, because since I popped off to C and told him he wasn’t welcome at my house and we all got all HIGHLY uncomfortable and I was triggered and healing the “little girl wants her mommy” pain, I’m so much less attached and less afraid of and sensitive to his reactions, so today I was talking more trash than usual and slapping his hands away from me, when before I would let him run his hands all over me and be so afraid he would stop, like I couldn’t turn down a second of affection for fear it would go away forever or something.

    I feel fluffy and oxytocined up!
    I drove home laughing like a madwoman about the stuff going on just before I walked out.
    I work in a highly non-pic blue-collar environment…
    C, who is black, was standing to one side and F, who is hispanic, was flipping the light switch off and every time he’d turn it off he’d say, “Where’d C go? Where did C go? ” (because it was dark and C is dark…) and C kept pulling out his cell phone saying, “I’m gonna call la Migra!” over and over again, like a comedy gag and they were laughing and I was laughing and it was so wrong and fun 🙂

    It’s like Rori says, though, a Siren can say ANYTHING because it’s all about the vibe. These guys have a good VIBE and it’s hilarious. We had a neo-Nazi guy who didn’t last long and I was asking my black co-workers…WHY is it so funny when some people say this stuff, but when he says it, it’s not okay?
    I finally get it…the VIBE is where it’s at!

    I feel good about the vibe I’m putting out online, too. I ran a short ad, using nearly all FM’s, that came straight from the heart and was sincere, and I received several straight from the heart, sincere responses…playful, poetic, adventurous, enthusiastic, a “let’s roll!” “Pick me pick me!” attitude.

    I am feeling stronger and more powerful than before.
    I feel like it was a powerful spell to feel so profoundly hurt and declare, with genuine gratitude
    THANK you
    for ripping me apart
    it only makes me a stronger woman!
    It only makes me stronger! I love the resilient, strong, fierce woman I am becoming!! Thank you!!



  113.  #114Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Gingersky – 101 – in re your 1372 post from last thread – Beautiful…

    xxoo



  114.  #115Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    I felt so repulsed earlier. A man says oh you’ve been waiting for me and then was really Leary, I felt grossed out. He was doing things I didn’t like and I felt unable to be authentic. This feels weird I am more able to be authentic with men I do like and am attracted to than the ones I am not. What is that about?

    I don’t get it! It makes no sense.
    Grrrr I want to know!



  115.  #116Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    After we danced I wanted to vomit. I had to go to the ladies and wash and wash my hands.
    I didn’t want to be rude I wanted to be open minded, which I was.

    Yuck I still feel icky, I really didn’t like him.



  116.  #117Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    How Ironic, if it’s someone I feel comfortable with i have no problem being brutally honest and do not care if they think I am rude.



  117.  #118Luzydel on December 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    I wonder why I tend to be so negative; like I have no hope in people… I want to believe a little; but even saying that feels fake. I am a wallflower, not a party girl.

    Then again: can I be a positive wallflower?



  118.  #119Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Oh God it’s that freeze thing again. 🙁
    I thought I had overcome that and moved forward.
    Apparently not.
    I felt panicked and froze. I feel sad tears



  119.  #120janie baby on December 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    i can’t stop crying. i don’t know what my problem is . i feel realy anxious and scared and like i have to DO something .. i just want to break down crying but i’m in the library in public at school. last week i was doing really well, i think because i was doing yoga more often so i wasn’t so focused on my moodiness. i start feeling confused cause FW and heart tell me i seem immature, but i don’t know what i’m doing wrong because i speak inFMS and don’t wants but then I’m blamey.. SO when I don’t do this, I feel inauthentic and then i just emotionally catapult. Like usually my boyfriend stays over on wednesday nights after school. monday night he stayed over. and while we were touching and about to make love (WHICH WE NEvER DO ANYMORE) he starts freaking out about a few pimples on my chest (he has hypochondria) thinking I have a disease. i get really frustrated because obviously another night ending in stress. then i found out he did cocaine a couple months ago with this new work friend Donnie who he started ditching me alot for. ANd i know its not my business but i have a trigger with drugs because a fling i had a couple years ago ended badly because of his cocaine addiction. and i hate having someone choose drugs over me even if it’s not like that. that’s how i feel. this made me feel a little weird. the next mornig things ended weirdly cause i said “i feel unsatisfied” then he said he’d call me last night and didn’t. he called me this morning saying he’d call me at school. i just ran into him a half hour ago cause he was meeting a group at the library. i thought he’d mention something about coming home with me after class but he said yeah i’m gonna go home after my class and work on this paper. it hurt because we set a precedent that he comes over on wednesdays and i know he’s the type that doesn’t work on assignments early. this paper is due in over a week and he usually does things the day before. my heart fell but i didnt want to say anything but he could tell i was upset so he cant asking… andhe had to go with hi group and i said just call me after . but i texted him saying “well i just feel really sad. usually on wednesdays you come over to my house and i felt excited about you coming. its something i look forward to. lately i just feel really sad in our relationship” i dontk now if that text is blamey or accusey.. so i was everyones advice. i just dont know what to do anymore. i feel like breaking down and crying in the library.. i dont know if to stay with him or not i feel like a crdazy person.



  120.  #121Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    I am not liking the universe sending me this to heal.
    I do not know how to not freeze.



  121.  #122Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Big Hugs Janie baby, Anxiety is there to protect us. Pema chodren has a good article I will post you a link.



  122.  #123Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    janie baby – your communications with him seem to be consistently filled with the word “you”. can you try and rewrite this without using this word at all? it’s also filled with negatives.

    how about this instead – “I felt so excited about your coming tonight. I will miss you.”

    You would have expressed your feelings here with no blame and no negatives. AND you would have planted the seed IF he’s the man for you. If he is, he would have read this and thought something along the lines that you like him, enjoy his company, and will miss him this time when he is unable to come.

    Is this making more sense?

    xxoo



  123.  #124Annie on December 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    I really need help with this freeze thing and I do not know where to get if from



  124.  #126Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Why no negatives Dominique? Negative feelings are not wrong, they are normal human emotions.



  125.  #127Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    If she felt sad to me it would be inauthentic not to express this aswell as her feeling of excitement.



  126.  #128janie baby on December 12, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    thanks Dominique. yeah I just need to work on my vibe. I tried to think and keep it all in and he knew something was wrong because i just put up a wall. i was so sad. i feel like he doesn’t care anymore, and i can’t stop crying in the library. i feel so embarassed. i wish i had time to take yoga classes this week. i think i have an emotional disorder, when i don’t do a million physical activities to tire myself out i act like a child. Dominique it makes a lot of sense. i just don’t know exactly how to rewire my vibe so i can feel comfortable saying this. i feel hopeless like i’ll never get there. i feel confused. i don’t know if it’s him making me insecure and if i should break up or if it’s ALL me and i need to work on it now cause it’ll be the same with every guy. I don’t know. Thanks Annie. I’ll look at the article now. I should be doing my project but I can’t stop crying and I need to fix this so I Don’t act psychotic later. I feel scared of myself sometimes.



  127.  #129Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    I am not ever supposed to express I feel sad because it is a negative emotion?
    That doesn’t feel right for me.
    Some things make me feel sad.
    I am human. it’s a normal human emotion.



  128.  #130Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Janie Baby you need to get yourself home and cry in a safe place.



  129.  #131Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Annie – I want to address this but have to go right now; I will get back to this tomorrow.

    janie baby – it takes time, patience, and gentleness, step by step.

    xxoo



  130.  #132Violette on December 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Grose, I mentioned to J yesterday that I’m free Thurs or Fri, and he never responded…I’ve been asked out for both days now, all the way til Mon, and here I am wanting to keep Fri open for him in case he asks! What is that! I’m a little frustrated with myself and want to just not care…I know I shouldn’t hold the space for him. I am the woman and I shouldn’t ever be waiting around for a man. I wanted to get it off my chest though!!
    I love reading all the posts.



  131.  #133Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Your heart is hurting you are supposed to cry.
    We have no control over others unloving actions Janie Baby. We can only release the pain by crying and then take loving action for ourselves. X



  132.  #134janie baby on December 12, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I know but I am meeting a group project here at 8 so I’ll suck it up then. He might call me after his class which is soon but Idk probbly not. he’ll probably forget about me like he always does. i just feel really abandoned and sad. i don’t know when this will go away. i feel like this annoying child that he has to take care of and i dont know how to stop the hurt. i can’t stop crying. it seriously attacks me. i was having a great day and since he didnt call last night i was thinking “whatever im gonna lean back enjoy my day i dont even need to spend tonight with him i have alot to do” and hten as soon as he was like “im going home and working all this stuff … i might come over to your place later call me when you’re coming home” but he looked like he didn’t want to it just broke my heart. this was the highlight of my day. i feel pathetic. it was such a stressful day and i feel soo nice to end up with him in my house and i just felt like such an obligation but there’s nothing i can do. i have to let go of control because it’s never going to work out the way i want it to. it can never be the way it was i just have to let go but i feel so sad and i need to cry this is awkward and i feel like laughing too haha. i am crying really intensely with snot running down my nose ferociously typing on my laptop sitting in a booth across from a studious student hahah .. people probably think i’m a nutcase!! 🙂 🙁 🙂 🙁



  133.  #135Dominique on December 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Actually I need to talk about this now since it’s on my mind. I don’t see emotions as being negative, not sad, mad, furious even. It’s the energy behind them that can feel negative. In janie baby’s scenarios, her words were making him wrong. In the amended text version, she is feeling what she feels and not pushing responsibility on him for her feelings.

    xxoo



  134.  #136janie baby on December 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Thanks Annie. yeah I just always feel like Im’ always there for him and I don’t get the same treatment. I get laughed at. My sadness gets mocked. On sunday he was pretty sick and I didn’t get home from work til 11:30 ish…I was worried because he texted me saying “i think i might be dying” so on the phone I said “do you want to me to come over?” and he said “ya” so i went over at midnight to buy him food because he had no money til tuesday and help him out.. and hten i feel like he iwll probably never do the same for me. and in the moments where he is hurting or sick, i feel love for him in my hurt and forget when he’s not there for me because that’s not me and im’ there but it just makes me sad when i think about it… i don’t know how to remedy the situation.



  135.  #137LiliBee on December 12, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Violette,

    From what I’ve been seeing here in the past year and a half, sirens who were having as much fun as you with so many cds around dating so much…they all found their Mr. Right.

    Not only are you dating alot, you seem to be enjoying it and having a great vibe.

    You’re going places girl! You’re fun to read 🙂



  136.  #138LiliBee on December 12, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    (((janie baby))),

    so cry your eyes out. It feels good to let it out.

    I’m sure people don’t think you’re a nutcase, but rather a sensitive girl having a hard time.



  137.  #139LiliBee on December 12, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    135:

    I have to keep reading this over and over and over again.
    I understand it, but I’m not ‘getting it’ coz I keep doing it.

    I do speak great FMs sometimes, and get great results from them.
    But I lack alot of consistency.
    I fall off the wagon alot and just let myself go.

    I have alot of resistence around this.



  138.  #140Daria on December 12, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    New moon tonite!



  139.  #141Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Your Inner Child is an infallible inner guidance system. It lets you know through
    your feelings what is good or bad for you, right or wrong for you. The feelings
    you may experience coming naturally from the core Self are the joy, peace and
    love that, as an adult, are the result of being loving to yourself and others. The
    core Self also has the natural feelings of sadness and sorrow (over people’s
    inhumanity to each other, for example), loneliness (when you have no one with
    whom to share love), heartache and heartbreak (over others’ mean and rejecting
    behavior and various kinds of loss), grief (over loss), helplessness (over others’
    choices), outrage (over injustice), as well as fear of real and present danger – the
    fight or flight response. These core-Self feelings of life need to be attended to and
    nurtured with deep compassion. The feelings that come from the wounded self are
    anxiety, depression, anger, hurt, aloneness, neediness, emptiness, misery, guilt,
    shame, fear (of a perceived rather than an actual threat), and so on. These feelings
    are letting you know that you are off track in your thinking and behavior, and
    need to be explored through the Inner Bonding process

    Inner bonding Dr margaret Paul



  140.  #142Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Thanks Dominique, I understand now. xx



  141.  #143Daria on December 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    I noticed I felt bored w Nanny CD. On the phone.

    Bland.

    ‘this is what I’m used to. This is what I expect. This is whatvim worried marriage will be’

    Booooring

    And it’s not

    Yay thanks for noticing and healing this Daria

    I feel scared!



  142.  #144Annie on December 12, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Janie baby as Dominique says. “janie baby – it takes time, patience, and gentleness, step by step.”

    xxoo



  143.  #145Starbright on December 12, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    (((Janie Baby)))

    Aw, I feel sad reading your feelings. Crying is healing!

    Yes, it is best to share one’s feelings. And, yet I agree with Dominique’s take on sharing that you will miss him and yet don’t need to say everything and that it can be flipped into a more positive way of talking about your feelings. And also I would agree about there being lots of “you” statements.

    If feelings shared seem to be the same one’s and all sad most likely you are losing the vibe that initially attracted him to you. That is where the idea of cding helps. And, I remember you talking about being young and already being boyfriend/girlfriend so keep in mind it doesn’t have to be another boy.

    It can be anything that makes you feel good. From those yoga classes to taking a walk to getting something you want to eat to a girlfriend to taking a bubble bath to a friendly talk with a cashier – absolutely anything that makes you feel better and puts a smile on your face!

    You feeling good about you without him is the most attractive thing that you can do! It will make him miss being around that you that fun and caring girlfriend!

    Also, doing too much for a guy – being too available and taking care of him can come across as mothering which can take away the sexy vibe for a guy. Even though it can feel natural to us to want to take care of him. It is really the guy who is to take care of us. Not usually what we are taught though! And, it isn’t that you can’t do anything for him…

    And, don’t beat yourself up about any of it. You have felt sad and neglected and that feels really tough to deal with.

    Also, it is the end of the semester and everyone is usually stressed and just trying to get everything done. That’s enough right there to cause anyone and any relationship extra stress!

    And, you have been reading and working on yourself and sharing your feelings. And, just sharing feelings alone is a huge feat. Next step is to tweak them so they come across in a way that he can hear and doesn’t feel like blaming to him. Many women here are at times tweaking what they want to say. It can take time or parts of it can come easily. As Rori says, start practicing everywhere all the time with all types of feelings so that the important ones come more naturally. The fact that you are here working means it is important to you. And, so cool that you are starting here at a young age. I wish I could have learned some of these things at your age. You can so do this!

    Hugs to you!

    Starbright



  144.  #146Daria on December 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Well I haven’t but I’m getting ready to… Almost ready…

    Hehe 🙂



  145.  #147Daria on December 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I wana learn to fulfill myself sexually

    Yay!

    I feel excited 🙂

    Today messages: ‘doing stuff’ feels interesting and talking about it on a date gets me feeling distant and not so good

    Not getting on the computer automatically/addictively is feeling great!

    The car Door opening thing is FUC”KIN GENIUS

    That sets me as high level of difficulty feminine energy from the Get!

    And I opened up and said I felt distant intimidated and that felt good to share

    I feel good giving PimpCD life advice. That feels fun. I feel confused about this

    I want to be ‘chosen out of other girls’ like Esther.

    I don’t think I really will be… ‘I won’t be the chosen one I mean come on’. When I imagine I Already AM the one who got chosen I feel peaceful and my smile lights me up and I look beautiful like that beauty that does make me one all men want…

    Sigh

    Thanks for writing this Daria.



  146.  #148Daria on December 12, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Setting dates ahead of time prevents ‘business’ settings where I might feel unattractive – like today – and distant due to business talk.

    Dates ahead of time feel romantic exciting and peaceful suave



  147.  #149GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    ((((((janie baby))))))

    It is ok that you feel this way. There is so much I have to say about this. I feel rushed necause I have to go back into work 🙁

    Feelings are not negative, only what we do with them determines negativity and positivity.

    I wonder if you could say simply “ok” to him when you feel disappointed, for now, while this is still so intense for you. “I might not come over etc.”

    “ok”

    turn around and take care of you. Rage and cry if you need to. Get comfortable with that. Release little FMs when it feels comfortable to do so. This is how I came to my comfort in expressing myself.

    Sending you so much love!



  148.  #150janie baby on December 12, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Thanks Glow Stix, Dominique Annie Lilliebee everyone <3 lots of love.

    I guess I'm just confused. If i just say ok and walk away am i being inauthentic? he usually asks whats wrong? and then i'll say nothing but i feel passive aggressive. hmmm



  149.  #151janie baby on December 12, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    also iw rote out a text of my feelings and saved it as a draft. i didn’t send it. i will send it later if it feels appropriate or delete it but i wanted everyone’s advice.. and how to make it sound less blamey and more siren – y. i feel like this would help me to see how to change my FMS into something less with an accusing tone.
    I wrote
    “I just feel dumb I guess cause I thought wednesday as our “date night” so I felt really excited to see you after a stressful day especially since we don’t get to spend quality time with each other. i feel dumb for being excited and feeling sad over something so small and dumb. all i want is for everything to be fixed and i wish it could goback to before and i feel scared that maybe i’ll always want more so this will never work”

    how to make better?



  150.  #152GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    as rori says “ok” is taking care of our own feelings. I say this when something is said and I can not respond without blaming/attacking/spewing/making him wrong. When he says “what’s wrong?” I can say “I don’t know yet.” or “I don’t feel comfortable to speak to that right now.” or even “I don’t want to say, I just want to take care of myself.” Anything like that.



  151.  #153GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    It is only inauthentic if we say “Nothings wrong i’m fine.”.

    I’m already inside work so i’ll let others take care of revamping your text <3



  152.  #154Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Turquoise,

    98 – Yes, I relate a lot to getting my own life together. And I have been working hard at it, too. I got rid of a HUGE amount of clutter throughout my packing and moving in October. I have started a new business and am working it. Lots of self help stuff along the way, and the list goes on.

    Then, while in the midst of becoming my best self, the loneliness hits like pneomonia, and I go nuts feeling like I can’t stand being alone one more day, or even one more hour. Then these jaded feelings start all over again.



  153.  #155janie baby on December 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    THanks Glow Stix. That made alot of sense

    It feels therapeutic to write these texts without sending them. I wrote another and didn’t send just saved as a draft. I kind of want to send this one later because it woudl be such a relief to let it all out but I just want to wait because I know i’ll feel embarassed if I do in the morning.
    What do you guys think of this one?
    “yeah maybe its better if you don’t come tonight anyway. i’m feeling emotional and can’t stop crying. i wish we were still best friends like before. i don’t want to attack you, i don’t want to control you. i just feel hopeless about the situation. i feel curious if you think our relaitonship is fine. but i miss having sex and REALLY talking, i miss being loving, i miss spending time together and just being at ease with my best friend. i really try hard not to care but i dont want to try anymore. i just want to give up”



  154.  #156Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Daria,

    6 revisited – I think you made a good point that my question about being unconscious in the woods could be interpretted as creepy or what have you. I actually took down the ad this morning, not feeling comfortable with the amount of perverted responses I was getting.

    Just experimenting and trying to find quick, early-in-the-game ways to select just good men. This method will not be repeated.

    I did pick up a few new CDs from it tho, and we’ll see if it goes anywhere with any of them.

    Overall, I have spent most of my adult life dating men who were not good for me. I am trying to find higher quality men. I don’t want to keep dating men that I can think circles around and who don’t begin to clue into who I am and what I’m about.



  155.  #157Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    Iamabutterfly,

    1444 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/trusting-genevieve-the-gps/comment-page-30/#comment-273945 – You said, “I feel amazing.

    I tell you there is something to this whole hitting rock bottom thing.

    Rising from the ashes, you still have this rosey orange glow; a tiny fire ready to be rekindled, ready to burn brighter than ever…”

    That is so cool, because just this morning, I listened to a training video for my new business, and the man who started the company was sharing his testimony of how he went from living in a van in Hawaii to earning $10,000 a day!

    I really got a sense of his heart when he said, “There’s some type of miracle that takes place when you are lower than you have ever been. The only direction you can go is up. You reach inside yourself and lift something up you didn’t know you had.”

    Then I read your post, and it totally jived. Both what you said and what he said spoke deeply to me, because I’ve been going thru some really deep life crises.

    He challenged the listener to determine that you are going to cross the finish line. To say I am sick and tired of being beaten up.

    You are about to be free!



  156.  #158GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    Swirling. Clear. Muddy. Swirling. Calm.

    Yes.

    We just had our group dinner and maybe 17 people showed up. It was deep. NSM had everyone go around circle and tell who they are, where they live, why they’re connected with us and why do they care about intentional community. Some are veterans/founders of ic, some are newbies, some aren’t even in any community but are curious. Bodyworkers, energy workers, a leading yoga teacher, spiritual counselors, child therapists, farmers, musicians, mechanics, an attorney… lots of people.

    One guy (he and his wife gave me my massage the other other day) brought fortune cookies and we each read our fortune out loud.

    Every persons fortune was spot on for their life.



  157.  #159Iamabutterfly on December 12, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    ran into a hot guy two nights in a row at a coffee shop.

    he was with one date last night, and a different date tonight.

    and he was trying to get my attention at a different place tonight!

    He walked past me twice, and once, even spoke to me and said excuse me and brushed past me.

    I feel like attractive guys expect you to do more. Or is it just me?

    while he may be lacking in creativity, (maybe the guy just really likes coffee) he is really, really attractive.

    and I don’t know what to do!

    I feel dumb.

    and guys kept checking me out tonight.

    I feel shy that I’m not used to that…



  158.  #160GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    We all shared stories, love and respect for each other, and several of us have been through lots together… and some just got here but we feel we’ve been through things already and will achieve much together. We cracked each other up. We almost came to tears (one person’s lover died suddenly a few short weeks ago). We ate food made with our own hands. We bared our souls and felt more fully clothed in that than ever.



  159.  #161GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    #156 Radlove

    “Overall, I have spent most of my adult life dating men who were not good for me. I am trying to find higher quality men. I don’t want to keep dating men that I can think circles around and who don’t begin to clue into who I am and what I’m about.”

    Amen and right on!!



  160.  #162GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    #159 lamabutterfly Maybe what to do is what Rori says, hold eye contact and smile, leaned back, for several seconds. Smile gently with all the parts of your being that feel smiley. Smile warmly, knowingly, shyly, curiously, appreciatively?

    What do you think?



  161.  #163GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    lamabutterfly, sink into your lovely woman parts like Rori says, and unzipper your heart?

    And don’t take the bait of him wanting you to overfunction. Let him go if he doesn’t step into your space and initiate convo. Keeping our Siren-ity is more important than any man candy.



  162.  #164GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    #154 ((((( Radlove )))))

    It does feel like pneumonia or the flu to me too when it hits.

    You’re at your core. Keep moving thru. What pictures or sensations come up?

    This is what I do, don’t try and fix it but stay there (usually on my bed but not always if I can’t get to bed when it hits) and let it all come up, even if it feels like it’s killing me.

    Sometimes I have cried till I could not breathe. I will stay with this and die in it rather than living one more day seeking escape (and paying the price of another lost year of my life off-my-path).

    You are doing great. You have come SO far.



  163.  #165Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Another CD in the same week who goes off in a huff because I’m not willing to have a first “date” at his house or mine.

    Feeling jaded, jaded, jaded.



  164.  #166GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    #115 Annie, could this be some form of resistance in you, like fear of real intimacy or something like that? Self-sabotage? (it’s in all of us, it just comes out in different ways… till we clear it more 🙂



  165.  #167GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Radlove, I can’t imagine what is with guys wanting a first date at their house or yours. Maybe they don’t wanna spend money? I’d never do a house date, have to see a guy long/multiple times first, but I’m in a town where I can usually ask around or trace and find someone who knows or knows of anyone I meet.

    Will reply to your email shortly.



  166.  #168GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    Radlove, when you can let these men go with nothing but forgiveness and no triggers, I believe you will look and not find them any longer around in your world.



  167.  #169Daria on December 12, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    I got dragged down by the way this CD was speaking about women well his baby mama 🙁 now I feel a bit down he was just going on abt it. 🙁

    I feel sad

    I told him if call him back and I feel unsure now…



  168.  #170Iamabutterfly on December 12, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    well, I’ll just say it. I’m scared.

    and it’s frustrating.

    because I have no idea what I’m scared of.

    I’m just so used to feeling invisible.
    I’m just so used to hiding.
    I’m just so used to looking the other way.
    I’m just so used to “not supposed to want this”
    I’m just so used to “not deserving of this attention.”
    I’m just so used to feeling guilty that other women don’t get this much attention…

    whew!



  169.  #171GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Radlove, I’m thinking of jumping off your idea by asking something on dating site like one or two of these: “What would you do if you wanted to get together and I was sick at home? Or angry (not at you)? What if I was having a day where I looked less good and that made me look really different than you were used to? What if we were going to go somewhere and I wasn’t ready on time? Or we were hiking and I hurt my ankle and couldn’t walk any further? How would you make yourself stand out as special and cooler than other guys to me?”

    Just like The Dating Game back in the 60s/70s, which I used to watch as a child. Yes! why didn’t I think of that? That was structured pre-CDing where the three contestants had to compete for the attentions and favor of the questioner by giving good answers and basically saying “here’s what it would be like if you were with ME.”

    Hmmm… I can think of even better questions than these.



  170.  #172Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Radlove – ‘Just experimenting and trying to find quick, early-in-the-game ways to select just good men.’

    My advice: stop doing that completely. Use your romance dating and meeting place boundaries and it will happen on its own. Being able to say no and enforcing the boundaries while not judging is part of the practice that transforms us.

    ‘I don’t want to keep dating men that I can think circles around and who don’t begin to clue into who I am and what I’m about.’

    Keep practicing non-judgement. Look for the tiny things to appreciate about each man. For me it’s usually not smarts. Keep opening up about who you are and what you’re about, in feeling messages. Opening up in front of men who seem like they won’t get it is even more transformative and powerful. Don’t judge them – that they don’t seem to get it – no matter how much it seems true. Stick to FMs and don’t wants! This is how the practice goes…

    The shift will be in you… And it will change the way you feel seen and got by the men who show up.



  171.  #173GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    #112 Annie, your words here are where I LIVE.



  172.  #174Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Ginger sky – I really wouldn’t. A lot of men think one thing but really do and also think another.

    Example from right now: I was on the phone w a man who dismissively said : ‘no way will I date a woman who just wants to be a housewife’

    I told him actually that’s what would feel good to me, I want to have children and raise them and I can do it myself it just would feel better to have a mans support.

    He said ‘actually I’ve been hurt. I actually do want my wife to be a housewife’

    …,

    Basically, it takes the in person connection- and a woman’s requirements – to inspire some men.

    Today I met (another) man who said in all his years he never had a woman who actually wanted him to open her car door. Women talked about it, but I was the first.

    🙂 I guess he’d now answer that he opens car doors, but he wouldn’t have yesterday…

    Rori says don’t ask a w intent to evaluate, ask w curiosity any him as a human, not how it’d fit for us.



  173.  #175R.N.AmazingME on December 12, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Hello Sirens! I have been reading here and other blog catching up! Not sure if I should post it but I need advice from people who are not in this house or immediate family. My mom and stepdad have been going through a lot. Dad brain aneurism and actually survived(a rare thging)did surgery coiled it off then week later after that he had TIA(fancy word for stroke) but some of you may know that! Well they then found another small clot that couldnt get coiled off. So ticking time bomb, scary. The first week at end of week of him being home from hospital, My mother was admitted to the hospital. She showed me her belly and I was like whoa not normal looked 7 months prego. She was fighting and putting it off and let symptoms persist for 9 months. I told her go to ER have Her husband or my sister take her and she said not rushing since it been this long. Well of course i had to work and, she shows me right before i leave.
    I called my sister explained and told her my concern and to get her over to ER. Ovarian cyst on right side the size of a babys head.Well all short she had to get a total hysterectomy, inside the cyst sure enough the worst cancer. But timing is key it was a blessing, we cought it in stage 1 and she will have a great 100% recover with regular scans. Well this past Tuesday was a life changing experience, I WILL NEVER FORGET! It all started with my mom coming home with step dad and acting strange I was laying down reading here due to some cysts on my ovaries that are rupturing/leaking and cause severe pain. On top of that the water got shut off and they went to go sit and eat at Perkins for breakfast meanwhile I am trying to clean and do laundry, which includes doing dishes. Well I have battled with my demons and some depression in my life and the way I handle it is to shut off and sleep but I have three kids and I cannot do that and that is my taking responsibility for that. Well mom and I got into it and I said what is your problem she said well my problem is you cannot even pick up a F%#k&N dish. I was like umm hello water is off which how do you not know water not been paid for 2 months? He says he wasn’t aware(step dad). So I am tired sick and tired of being a whooping post. We are all stressed and mom sick with chemo but that is no excuse I should have to accept bad behavior. I stood there shoting back and forth with mom and she says I dont help enough, really!! Last time I checked I was oinly one cleaning, doing laundry, scrubbing and hired neighbor girls to help do floors and laundry. I pay that they do not! Just as then step dad cant stay out of it and starts screaming in at me came up towards my face cause at this point we are screaming at eachother, he called me a lazy biot#CH. I was likeget out of my face your the king of lazy and I thought if this man hits me or shoves me I will knock him out on his ass! My mom can choose to have that behaior but not I! So in the middle of screaming mom kept saying stop and crying to stop then just broke down. I will never forget the pain in her cry….sirens, what would you do this is crazy and they say they dont want me to move and mom said if I move kids even i in same town she would be devastated! So I told her before I push back my moving date if needed so I can be here for her and to help financially. They tell me they want me here and throw in my face how they helped support me. That was the plan I go to nursing school and get on feet and move. Now they throw in my face they take care of kids here well we live here and I take responsibility, I hardly go out and if I am not home it overnight for work. Sirens…What do you think??! This is not fair how can I forgive myself for my past and moveon in a positive way if they only have negative to point out and never let me forget my past.



  174.  #176R.N.AmazingME on December 12, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Sorry so long but need some insight!!! RORI PLEASE!!!ANYONE INSIGHT!!!!Thanks



  175.  #177GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    #172 Daria This is beautifully said and conveyed. Thank you. This is perfection.



  176.  #178Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    At the same time I notice my heart feels sad w this CD.

    I felt scared when I heard him talking bad about his BM.

    I feel good that he was opening up a me honestly.

    I feel guilty that I want to not talk ti him now.

    I feel sad.

    (((((((Daria)))))))



  177.  #179Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    I am going to stop searching online for romance. It’s like looking for jazz on a rap station.



  178.  #180Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    I feel guilty that I’m judging him for telling me these things

    I sometimes get all blamy too… Hmmm

    That’s how I ‘exvise’ stuff tho

    The reality tho I felt like therapist and I felt like whoa scary anger

    I feel guilty that I’m not comfortable w blaming others

    I blame others! No?

    I feel confused

    I feel afraid to check my voicemail of when he called



  179.  #181Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Radlove – please don’t do that to yourself. Surely theres some babysteps you took in these interactions that you hadn’t taken before?



  180.  #182Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    GingerSky,

    164 – Well said…I have done this for years and had increasing breakthrough. I like who I am and who I am becoming. Just not where I want to be yet.



  181.  #183Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    GingerSky,

    167 – We just did further IMing and it came out his license is suspended. He said he honestly wanted to get to know me as a friend first, and that he never has sex with someone he doesn’t know.

    Once that was cleared, it led on to other things. Bottom line, we are NOT a match. So next? Going to just stay local and meet people in person. This was my last and final try at internet dating. I will follow thru with the other CDs I just made contact with, but that’s it.



  182.  #184Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    GingerSky,

    168 – I don’t feel unforgiveness and triggers after an hour or so of feeling icky. Just sick of being single more than anything. It really shouldn’t be this difficult. But I guess my standards are far higher than those that Rori lays out for feeling good with a man, etc.

    i forgive easily and get over it easily. I just feel more and more firm in my belief that the vast majority of men on this planet are not for me. I would literally rather be alone.

    so the challenge for me is to be content to live a relatively lonely life.



  183.  #185GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    #174 Yeah, exactly, Daria… exactly.

    I feel those kinds of questions would start a good convo around how we treat someone and what we’re like… what we like and don’t like… and having convos like that with men appeals to me. I like men who like to talk on those things… like maybe a guy relationship/communication coach would be a great fit for me. But maybe I limit myself. I’ve already dated all kinds of types before, and do tend to wanna narrow the field in a gentle way now.

    I know it wouldn’t screen anyone and I know men are not as they say/share, and I don’t wanna screen… I just wanna ask thought-provoking Qs bc if someone doesn’t enjoy talking about this I wouldn’t likely enjoy them… but you are doing the full Rori method and I want to do that too. This idea is still more my old vibe (in a better version, but same old stuff really… fear). I’m probably putting up resistance, playing games, fears, or trying to control, etc. Thanks.



  184.  #186Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    GingerSky,

    171 – Good ideas for scenarios to ask men about. Altho it might also leave them feeling defensive.



  185.  #187GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    That feels good

    and scary

    like trying to bare my soul with one hand, while holding my coat closer to me in the hard wind

    like I’m confused, or going in two directions at once…

    that old coat can fly off

    and then I find it really was warm here all along

    that feels good

    i feel scared



  186.  #188Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Daria,

    172 – Thanks! Good approach and attitude…and I still am not going to date online anymore. Just locally and in person.



  187.  #189Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Daria,

    174 – Like!



  188.  #190Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Daria,

    181 – You mean please don’t do what to myself?

    Babysteps: Acknowledging that online dating is NOT for me, for the last time.



  189.  #191Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    GingerSky,

    187 – Poetically expressed!



  190.  #192Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    I’m feeling sad and a little stunned. I love nu sad stunnednrss.



  191.  #193Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    Radlove – I think you’re punishing yourself and shooting yourself in the foot shutting down a way to be seen.



  192.  #194Daria on December 12, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Interesting… I’m coming from a peaceful place and not trying to push against or convince

    I’m still ‘responding quickly’ … I don’t want to do that…

    I wonder what id discover if I didn’t respond right away

    Feelings?

    I feel surprise curiosity, delight, fear, excitement



  193.  #195GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Radlove, yes, I am trying to take shortcuts. to stay superior or aloof or “safe”… to save myself some “trouble” and time. It is playing games, I feel that energy in me around this. I could call it all kinds of better-sounding names, but that would be a cover up.

    It doesn’t work. This is bringing up all kinds of dark core stuff for me that I’m journaling about now. Thank you and Daria for saying that.



  194.  #196GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    AmazingMe I am reading your long post to see if I have anything to reply 🙂



  195.  #197Turquoise on December 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Radlove, do you still get together with your church group? Do you have any meetups in your area? I haven’t gone any yet, but signed up for several groups and there are some fun events coming up! Even a lock and key event where they say they usually have mre than 80 people come.

    I felt really lonely when Mr. C. and I stopped talking. It hurt my heart. But, then I took the girls to a new tumbling class and talked to a few parents and the coaches, and found myself enjoying the conversation and also the realization that there are millions of people out there who can be part of my life.

    I don’t know if I’ll ever be in love again or get married. I can’t control that. But I can keep putting myself out there to meet new people. Good luck with your new business~ I hope it’s everything you want it to be!

    I also understand you not wanting to online date anymore, and that’ fine… your choice! I just turned both of my profiles off to get a break, but it’s the finality in your words. They feel limiting. What if they come out with some awesome new program or company, what if your dream guy lives an hour away and you’ll never run into him otherwise, what if you limit that option for yourself, and this is just the work you need to do to be ready for your relationship?

    There might be a lot of men out there who aren’t right for me, but I’m sure there are a lot of men out there who would feel the same way about me. And that is ok, that’s why the right relationship is hard to find. You said a few times that it shouldn’t be this hard. Why? THe best things are worth the effort right? And what’s so bad? Being subjected to what they have to say, wasting time online, or something else?



  196.  #198Turquoise on December 12, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    I can’t keep my eyes open. Goodnight sirens!



  197.  #199Emerson on December 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    AmazingMe I’m so sorry about All that happened at your house. You are a adult, if you want to move, then go. Your relationship may feel so much better and lighter with both of them if you have your own household. You could explain that to mom perhaps. Sorry about all the illnesses and fighting. ((Amazing))



  198.  #200Indigo on December 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Radlove,

    The sense I get, and I hope you don’t take this as criticism, is perhaps that you are saying too much.

    Impressing us, winning us over, making the effort and saying the words, is the guy’s job in the beginning. You shouldn’t have to worry about going and flagging guys down or weeding guys out by *doing* too much. It’s actually about being receptive to what they are offering you, yet being very strong and firm within yourself about what you like and don’t like, and are and aren’t willing to accept. Almost like imagining yourself on a recliner, totally relaxed, half-smiling at the people/guys who come into view and saying “yes please” or “no thanks” without any investment at all.

    I don’t know if this makes any sense to you. But I just got the sense that you were running yourself ragged and thus getting burnt out and jaded. When I really got this, I stopped feeling tired and I couldn’t believe how well I started to be treated.

    I want to write more about this and I will later!

    Much love to you xxx



  199.  #201GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    #174 Daria re-reading your post. I get more out of it each time. So well-said, like medicine for me. *Thank you*



  200.  #202Emerson on December 12, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    A cd I met online s long time ago over a year ago just contacted me via text out of the blue…



  201.  #203GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    #197 Wow, Turquoise, that is really good, right on, thanks I needed that too.



  202.  #204GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    #184 Radlove, I think there are plenty triggers and unforgiveness, resentment, anger, blockages and shame and all that in there in you.

    Welcome to being part of humanity.

    What’s under your surface that you don’t normally see or feel? It may not be whether you have it, but where is it showing up for you? It doesn’t come out until we’re challenged to what feels like the breaking/giving-up point.

    But I hear it in your words. You’re just not feeling it in your awareness?



  203.  #205Emerson on December 12, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Uh and this particular cd is keeeyoot



  204.  #206Emerson on December 12, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    Emerson needs a mani and a spray tan



  205.  #207Emerson on December 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Hello gingersky!

    Hello sirens
    I get triggered and go into the mid too…



  206.  #208Emerson on December 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Mud not mid



  207.  #209R.N.AmazingME on December 12, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    (((EMerson))))) How are you? Long time, Thanks Yes I know what I need to do just trying to make sure everyone is ok with things before i go and first of year! That a plan…



  208.  #210GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    It never ceases to amaze me how loved I am. By me. By him. It hits me hard in the chest, takes my breath away, and brings tears up to sting my eyes.

    Feeling this with a total lack of question, a completely open heart and mind is akin to ascending into the stars and knowing I can exist there amongst all the beauty within the universe. So long as I choose.

    😀



  209.  #211MovingMagic on December 12, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    R.N, my mother has also recently been diagnosed with cancer. I live halfway across the country, so what I’m dealing with is different…but yet, the emotions are still the same. Emotions are running high for everyone. Your mother isn’t feeling well, & probably hasn’t been for a while. This is a great opportunity to show her love, & compassion…all while doing the same for yourself. Step away if you need a breather. Hug yourself. Hug yourmom. Hug your kids. Your stepfather is probably operating from a similar place, though unable to voice it.



  210.  #212Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Daria,

    193 – “Radlove – I think you’re punishing yourself and shooting yourself in the foot shutting down a way to be seen.”

    Thanks for your feedback. And this is where I’m at. I’m done. A string of bad dating experiences, off and on for 3 years. Bye online men!



  211.  #213GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    AmazingMe, I would go straight as an arrow to Byron Katie work here. Pure and simple.

    May not help as much as if you’d been practicing it for awhile, but you guys are under a multiple immense shit ton of pain and pressure, and are passing judgments and triggers back and forth between you, and that hurts, damages and escalates the pain and problems.

    Everyone is lashing out at someone(s) bc they don’t know how to deal with their pain and fear, and are severely overwhelmed. This feels like a nightmare.

    You guys must be really strong to even have been able to let it get this far.

    Every single person is human in this situation.

    What if there were no villains… just people, hurting, and not knowing what to do about it.

    Mounds of stuff, illnesses, bodily changes that are super scary and make you feel weird, depressions, facing thoughts of death, medical stuff, kids, grandkids, futures, bills… heavy heavy things… and some of their/your un-dealt-with stuff is finally coming up and out… fears, terrors, triggers, judgments, unfulfilled hopes needs and longings, disappointments in self and others, past family stuff, sadnesses, lives unlived or whatever… everyone’s humanity… things they/you never knew how to deal with so they/you have stuffed it down and glossed it over… and got on with life.

    Maybe they didn’t know what else to do. No one has had anyone to really help them through, make them feel its okay to feel all that and talk about it or whatever… or how to move it through, how to communicate with each other around it, how to let the fear and anger and triggers breathe. Somehow there has been a deficit of communication and connecting about all this between you all, and now it is all piled up at once in everyone pretty much? Now crises are hitting, and everyone is stretched to (or beyond) the break-point… and communication and understanding and acceptance are way overdue and hard to get to.

    So there you are, having your own versions of the same, and trying to deal with all this drama, while raising kids alone, working hard at things, and not able to just create your own space and manage it like you want. And they’re taking all this upset out on you?

    And what if everyone somehow STOPPED JUDGING someone else? What if you said, I AM willing to do this again, be yelled at again, be blamed. What if you took a break somehow and came back to this and keep moving through it? Then it would end.

    When you shift, everyone you are connected with shifts, and they don’t even realize they shifted. The web of pain starts to lower in volume, and things come right-side-up. Whether you leave or stay, this energy needs to be broken and this cycle of blame and judgment ended.

    (I help people walk thru the Byron Katie questions, I am available if you are interested. I don’t charge bc i am not certified (yet). I would be happy to help. gingersky234@gmail.com)

    I feel glad your Dad and Mom are doing okay and medical issues (except yours?) are under control, and your kids are fine? I will pray for all this for you guys. Thanks for asking for what you need here |smile|



  212.  #214GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    (((janie baby)))

    Yes, I do the exact same thing! Spew it all out and never send it. Sometimes I re-read it, and re-vamp it to be appropriate to send.

    All good stuff.

    When I finally get home in a few i’m gonna do a re-vamp for you so you can see the difference for yourself. Then, you can practice on your own!



  213.  #215GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Hello Emerson! 🙂 xo!



  214.  #216GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    GlowStix, that sounds wonderful, you writing the reframe for janiebaby… i look forward to reading it too!

    janiebaby, if I were you I’d get some good rest (quiet time) and eat really healthy foods all day, exercise in fresh air if possible, breathe deep and slow lots, take some vitamins if you don’t already. Sounds dumb maybe, but you need fuels so brain can work better and moods get stable. You can’t run a good life with a challenged brain and body.

    Somehow I just feel this is part of the problem here.

    (And the bf sounds a little scary… cocaine? Not judging, but that’s a major serious issue! Was it crack or powder or do you know? Either way, NOT GOOD. Very dangerous in many ways for you. Not to mention his hypochondria… that could be from many things but can also come as side effect of cocaine use. Was he worried about you or him getting something from you? Sorry this is happening for you. Hugs!)



  215.  #217GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    (((Janie baby)))

    I have feeling that you know this, yet I will re-iterate: Stay away from explaining yourself. Stay away from
    begging for what you once had. Keep yourself feeling in the present. Moment to moment. I can not stress that enough. It is SO important. For our own self.

    So here’s how your msg would look if I was feeling ALL those things and I re-vamped it to send to G: (although…in this case, I would not send it, to be sure. It feels like proving a point, to me. I would wait for a more appropriate time to express myself) none-the-less:

    “I feel relieved you did not come over. I feel intensely emotional…I desire, so much, for us to communicate again and it seems impossible to me right now.”

    And, in all honesty, for myself I would also say this:

    “I need some time and space, to take care of myself.”

    <3 to you.



  216.  #218GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    Radlove, online is not the only way to date for sure! I find interest groups to be far more helpful much of the time. Shared interests and intelligence levels are super helpful!

    If you like “jazz” why not avoid the rap station and join a “jazz” get-together 😉 I’ve heard of many people who met their mate this way.



  217.  #219GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    I am hoping this works for me. It is much more pleasant than online dating ime.



  218.  #220Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Turquoise,

    197 – “You said a few times that it shouldn’t be this hard. Why? THe best things are worth the effort right? And what’s so bad? Being subjected to what they have to say, wasting time online, or something else?”

    Yes, i am still involved with two churches. There are 4 single men there in my age group, and none of them shows any interest. If they did, I would go out with them, but I am most likely not interested in anything serious with them either.

    What’s so bad is a HUGE waste of time this past three years. What’s also so bad is that I am becoming jaded to the point where my overall opinion of men is going from 8 to 2 to a scale from 1 to 10. I don’t want to end up being a man hater, so I need to back off. I feel peace in ending online dating efforts. It is like trying to find jazz music on a rap station. Or trying to find hymns on a hard rock station. Just ain’t gonna happen.



  219.  #221GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    Goodnight all |yawn|



  220.  #222GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    217 is re: 155

    This is re: 151

    “I felt so excited to spend time tonight…I’m feeling sad and disappointed and disillusioned. I feel shaky. I’m questioning everything. I don’t want to lose myself to these feelings. I need some time, by myself, to process through this.”

    This is not to say i’m advising you to take time to yourself. It’s only what I know I would do.



  221.  #223GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    Nighty ginger! Sweetest dreams!



  222.  #224GingerSky on December 12, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    Aw thank you Glowy Stixy 😉 I feel that.



  223.  #225GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    A copy/paste job from my dream journal from
    last night:

    Dream 1

    “Some kind of strange small “world” filled up with different houses and rooms and areas. Many many people in this dream. Parties. Everyone I know. Very long, epic dream. Hard to remember details. Very strange. Feelings of importance. Feelings of fun. .

    Slept in this dream, and woke up in the same dream. Woke up with girls from the blog throwing glow sticks  into the bedroom. “wake up stix!!! party time!!” Oh it was G’s bedroom! Slept alone in his bed, and they wanted me to wake up and come out. 

    Most rooms and outside areas in dream were familiar to me in some way.

    tried to get a beer at one point, in the playground of john robson school where there was a party going on but the dude wouldn’t let me get it myself. He had to get it, but he was too busy.  We laughed at him and left. 

    Now in a mall. Tried to find the right shoes for some kind of competition. Ari and his wife from Entourage were there. She was buying ugly old shoes. I said they were ugly not realizing she was getting them. I smoothed it over by saying “well..They’re not ugly. Just not my taste. I don’t like patent leather. I love the ruffles but the toe is too pointy”. None of the shoes were good enough for me.

    Tried to find G at the end. I was wandering around in a towel that was too small and all my bits were hanging out. I felt a moment of shame and shrugged it off. Who cares? My dream. He was in bed in a different area. I picked up a phone extension in the room I was in to call him and he was talking to another woman from bed and she was saying stuff about others not finding out. The aura of G on the phone was malicious. Different. Maybe younger, less gentle, less caring. I felt sad and rage. I hung up the phone but regretted it. I wanted to hear more. Then I felt like I didn’t need to hear more. That was enough. Time to date. Felt uplifted.

    J was in it at some point reassembling his car? lol putting the gas and clutch pedals on his feet like shoes? I giggled at him.”

    I laughed so hard reading this over! This dream journaling thing is gonna be fun fo sho.



  224.  #226Silver Moonbeam on December 12, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    #220 Radlove

    I soooo know where you are coming from but fortunately I kept going with the online dating. I would have a break now and then when jaded, still do, but as Rori says you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. I am in a far better place than I was even just a few months ago. What about a Christian Singles dating site? I know somebody on here was talking about joining that.

    Also I only read in the last post that you had an interview for a daycare centre. Good luck and I really hope you get the job, I think you would be excellent with children. 🙂



  225.  #227Radlove on December 12, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    GingerSky,

    204 – I am unusually self aware. Sure, everyone has blind spots. Sure, I know I’m not perfect. But I guess what I mean is I feel aware of the bitterness, etc. I process them and do my best to let them go.



  226.  #228GlowStix on December 12, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    If anyone is curious the specific throwers of glow stcicks in my dream were Tam, Emoticon, BAB, butterflywings, Daria, and bloom-ing. That’s all I can remember! 🙂



  227.  #229Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 12:02 am

    #1373 Ginger Sky

    Wow I am soooo glad Dominique thanked you for this post as I had missed it on my phone.

    EXCELLENT – thank you I have copied and pasted this for future reference. 🙂



  228.  #230GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 12:05 am

    I felt so heavy at that point when they were waking me up and the room looked so real. My head felt like a sandbag and I wanted to lift it and tried with all my might!! I could not. I felt so trapped and restrained. My biggest fear. I gave up, went back to sleep and got up a few dream minutes later, and felt light and freeflowing again.

    The brilliant arcs of the multi coloured glow sticks in the pitch dark is emblazoned on my memory. They lit the room with freaky eerie colour. And the voice was out loud “Wake up stix, Time to party!!” I don’t know to whom the voice belonged.



  229.  #231Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 12:16 am

    #98 Turquoise

    I am right where you are, my life is in order and I am ready to meet a good man and have a real relationship.

    I am in the midst of tackling my weight problem by doing Body For Life and am half way through it and feel sooo much better in myself, fitter for doing the cardio and eating properly and stronger for lifting heavy weights which makes me feel more confident mentally. I would recommend this programme to everybody – a 12 week challenge to mental and physical health. It’s American so you would find it a lot easier than I do to find certain food products, etc. This is my 4th time of doing it properly though I’ve had lots of false starts, as with anything you have to be ready to take on a challenge and your life needs to be in the right place at the right time.



  230.  #232Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 12:20 am

    #104 Tam

    Yes, yes, yes for a long time I thought there was no man out there who could match up to LDR, and how wrong I was, of course it’s only early days yet but I see NOW that there are lots of decent men I am attracted to out there, it didn’t happen easily or quickly but my blinkers have been finally taken off about these past 6 months, I got there in the end. 🙂



  231.  #233Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 12:21 am

    oopps *lots of decent men that I could be attracted to……..



  232.  #234Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 12:24 am

    #112 Annie

    Totally agree. I love that:

    I personally would want to get to know the man before I got to know his manhood. 😀



  233.  #235Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 12:29 am

    #141 Annie

    Thank you I have bookmarked this page, I know I have visited there before but maybe my head wasn’t in the right place but I feel more than ready to learn this time.



  234.  #236Daria on December 13, 2012 at 12:36 am

    I just looked at my phone

    Hmm how interesting

    I feel shy



  235.  #237janie baby on December 13, 2012 at 12:39 am

    wow thanks glow stix. i really appreciate your messages, this made a lot of sense 🙂
    thank you!! i feel better
    thanks to you to gingersky <3

    it was quite funny. after i got up from my booth from studying with snot running down my face i wanted to get to the bathroom quickly without anyone seeing me because i wanted to clean up. a guy ran into me and my tea flew into the air and spilled everywhere. i was in the middle of the floor with snot and makeup dripping down my face. the guy was nice and helped me clean up.. he asked me if i needed help with anything else because it looked like i had gone through some "hard shit" .. i thanked him and embarassed, i ran to the bathroom. i had black makeup all over my face. i looked scary. i couldn't stop laughing after. this day was just crazy with my emotions. 12 12 12. i think it gave interesting energy.

    thanks sirens. good night <3



  236.  #238Daria on December 13, 2012 at 1:46 am

    Hehe Glowstix 🙂



  237.  #239Daria on December 13, 2012 at 2:04 am

    Wow fuuuch there’s this cd I like and I just got all flustered and said ok to some stuff bec I felt afraid I would say the ‘wrong’ words

    Eggshells ?

    That’s actually not a good sign

    Oops I got triggered

    Aha I feel attraction in that I feel insecure like he’s better or like I don’t want him to get Mad and leave

    I feel clingy

    I feel sooo shy

    I feel not good enough

    Hmm I feel ‘attracted’ to guys where I feel not good enough

    Wow

    So now what

    Wow I feel … Better

    Interesting



  238.  #240Annie on December 13, 2012 at 2:17 am

    Re Janie Baby.

    I feel really concerned here Dominique et all that ALL of us myself included MISSED a HUGE red flag. RORI HELP!
    “then i found out he did cocaine a couple months ago with this new work friend Donnie who he started ditching me a lot for. AND i know its not my business but i have a trigger with drugs because a fling i had a couple years ago ended badly because of his cocaine addiction. and i hate having someone choose drugs over me .”

    Janie Baby.

    I would be saying, the anxiety is TELLING YOU to STOP LISTEN and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! DON’T follow him down his path of destruction, that is the only place cocaine will take anyone! Big big hugs.



  239.  #241Annie on December 13, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Janie Baby, I believe you are misunderstanding about not your business.
    Yes it is not your business as he has free will to choose what he does.
    What is your business is your feelings all of them. Your negative feelings are NOT WRONG they a are a blessing in disguise to be loved adored and cherished not IGNORED.
    Listen to them they will guide you.
    Share that you care about him and feel concerned re drugs addiction. etc. And that you don’t want to be with someone who takes drugs. Yes he will then have to choose. And yes of course you will feel sad if he chooses drugs. Who wouldn’t? But he has free will that is his journey and only he can choose.



  240.  #242Annie on December 13, 2012 at 2:51 am

    I hear you Ginger sky 🙂

    Also re going back to each others homes.
    More chance they will get sex in a home than out.



  241.  #243Annie on December 13, 2012 at 2:56 am

    Your welcome Silver moonbeam re 235.
    The combination of Roris tool and books and inner bonding and support here from blog has helped immensely with me waking up and working on my healing.



  242.  #244Annie on December 13, 2012 at 3:01 am

    you’re*



  243.  #245Butterfly Wings on December 13, 2012 at 3:13 am

    228 GlowStix – Yay! I was in your dream! 😀



  244.  #246Butterfly Wings on December 13, 2012 at 3:21 am

    Hi everyone. I am basking in the glow of a transformed life right now. I’m single and feeling really happy right now.

    TH declared his love for me the other night (in fact, he said it THREE times!), and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But this was my last chance to be with him, otherwise he was going to go and marry the girl he met overseas, who he was earlier insisting was “just a friend”.

    I wished him a happy marriage… lol

    Meanwhile, NWG and I have been talking quite a lot via email/text lately. He’s also posting on FB a bit and liking many of my posts.

    His boss mentioned today that someone over his side of the floor had a crush on me right now. I’m not sure if he meant NWG or someone else though. Argh!

    Tomorrow is Friday and I’ll be having a relatively quiet night (just going to the pub with the boys for a couple before going home), because Saturday night is probably going to be a big night.

    NWG, one of his single friends and I are meeting up at a pub where I’ve arranged to meet up with my ex sister in-law.

    I’m not sure what will happen on that night, but NWG and his friend will be staying at my house after (I’ve offered them a sofa bed and mattress downstairs).

    I do believe I will have a good night, no matter what!

    Oh and I had a lunch date on Tuesday I think it was. Nice guy, Italian, paid for lunch, and we kissed before we parted. And I’ve not heard from him since, but I’m not bothered because I have so much other stuff happening. CDing is the BEST thing EVER! 😉



  245.  #247Daria on December 13, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Omg I let Neighbor CD come smoke w me on the balcony and he wouldn’t leave!

    Because after 10 min I freaked out.

    That my parents would wake up.

    Omg he would not listen to me plead.

    Finally he listened .

    Omg.

    That felt so thrilling.

    And I didn’t realize he was drunk!

    But ing I felt like kissing him when he was finally gonna climb down for me.

    Ong.

    Drunk… I noticed he was and brushed it off… Oops, no… I don’t want to do that… That feels scary…

    Ooh I said NeighborXD do u care about me?

    Then please climb down the balcony and my panic attack will subside. Can you do that for me ?

    Something like that.

    Finally.

    Wooh I felt panicked like never before.

    I felt panicked like Dorothy getting picked up on the side of the house….

    Wooof it was a Reasonable panic attack

    Haha it was ‘justified’ to me

    Haha

    So interesting

    I hold in really hard when I terror

    Hunched down on this rock w crashing waves all around.

    UFff

    Ouch

    I love my terror

    Omg

    I love my omg



  246.  #248Tam on December 13, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Butterfly wings, wuhooooo!!
    TH…disaster, ‘otherwise he will marry the girl he met overseas’….be glad you got rid of that one.



  247.  #249Tam on December 13, 2012 at 4:55 am

    So I went to a little party yesterday, it was very sedate…but interestingly one guy my age was single there and I know he spotted me and lo and behold, he must have got back home to check on his fb who I was…and he befriended me. Without even talking to me first!! Men. Anyhow, the world is small, I saw on fb that he is friends with one or MrP and my common friends also….trigger. Whatever.
    Oh and Curly sent me a little email saying that he had a nice evening but it would have been better with me. And invited me out for Saturday. I already have plans though…a little sad but that’s life!!
    I do like his approach though, he is kind of laid back but persistently initiating. Which is totally up my street. So far anyway….we shall see.
    Onwards and upwards, got to concentrate on work today…



  248.  #250Butterfly Wings on December 13, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Haha don’t you worry Tam – I’m feeling fabulous without him around and will NEVER take him back!

    I now realise just how much he drained my energy, and how other men seem to boost it.

    Chatting to NWG via text right now about dating/our weekend plans. It feels so light and free and fun to chat with him.

    Even though I’m not sure anything will EVER eventuate with him (thanks to the awkward work situation), I KNOW I’m going to have a fantastic night on Saturday night. I can feel it! 🙂



  249.  #251Tam on December 13, 2012 at 4:59 am

    232 SMB, yay!!
    Actually, MrP is pretty unique..and in some ways I will never find someone like him again…but in other ways he was a total disaster also, as witnessed by his latest text ‘any hanky panky possible – only?’ after I just told him that there wasn’t, a few days before.
    And it is impossible to build on anything with a man who isn’t intent on doing the same.
    So really, it’s a no brainer. It still took his outrageous behaviour and me healing all through this year, to open my eyes….and it was just ‘time’, I guess.
    I would rather be alone than get into all the nonsense with him again….and that was the REAL shift for me, not another man. Hooray.



  250.  #252Butterfly Wings on December 13, 2012 at 5:00 am

    That sounds promising Tam. Yay! 🙂



  251.  #253Tam on December 13, 2012 at 5:00 am

    250 BW, you had an epiphany…and one that I had nearly around the same time – I totally get that.
    Good for you!!



  252.  #254Tam on December 13, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Missy Glowsticks, I feel honoured to have been part of your dream..hehe



  253.  #255Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 5:32 am

    “TH declared his love for me the other night (in fact, he said it THREE times!), and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But this was my last chance to be with him, otherwise he was going to go and marry the girl he met overseas, who he was earlier insisting was “just a friend”.

    I wished him a happy marriage… lol”

    @246 Butterfly Wings – I feel super triggered by this! The guy who broke my heart, and his Dad, and uncle I think too? both were “in love” with other girls right before they married their wives who they weren’t necessarily “in love” with!

    It makes “love” feel so cheap to me. Do you not know what love is? honestly?

    Who DOES that?

    “I love you, but if you don’t marry me RIGHT NOW, I’m going to marry someone else, that’s how much I love you!”

    Feeling sooooooo triggered…

    🙁

    Not your fault, of course.
    Just something I need to heal…

    Is “love” from a woman lifelong cooking, cleaning, and sex? that HAS to be all it is to you…

    What



  254.  #256Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 5:36 am

    I’m really glad I ordered Heart Connection and can’t wait for it to get here.

    I’m really feeling hopeless.

    It’s like…I’m sooooo happy without a man for the most part, but when one or more pursue me, my whole world crumbles and I feel such intense terror and anger that I can’t even breathe properly…

    Someone please tell me I’m not alone!

    I felt like a man magnet last night, and it just made me feel scared and sad and angry.

    I’m so tired of feeling like this!

    I feel like a freak!

    I want to be able to love and let love in!

    but it’s like, I can’t, I’m so frozen!



  255.  #257Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 5:46 am

    “BONUS TIP:

    Want to stay in a state of connectedness even after you meditate?
    Bestselling spiritual author Neale Donald Walsch recommends the following waking meditationexercise:

    The next time you’re in a public place and you see something or someone who makes you angry or uncomfortable (for instance an inconsiderate person
    who cuts the line at the grocery store), just tell yourself…

    “There I go again, being inconsiderate.”

    Modify that sentence according to the scenario. For instance if you encounter a rude bus driver, tell yourself “There I go again, being rude”.

    The simple act of thinking these words will remind you that we are all in fact connected – and that what one person experiences or does is a part of a joint consciousness, embracing us all.

    That’s it for today. Remember to meditate for at least 10 minutes today and try out the Connection Exercise.”

    OM Harmonics



  256.  #258Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 5:52 am

    BW bring it back to you and consider how when you or any woman gives a man an ultimatum how it must feel to them. There is a message here.



  257.  #259Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 5:55 am

    For some reason, I just thought of the No girlfriend speech.

    I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I’m looking to be married, so it would feel best if I kept my options open.

    but if you truly loved a man, even if he was terrified of getting married (and marriage was what you wanted), would you wait for him to get over his issues?

    work through those fears with him,

    I mean, if marriage was what he wanted as well? but he was just so scared?



  258.  #260Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 5:56 am

    I feel sad and lonely. 🙁



  259.  #261Francesca on December 13, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Muddy clear can feel exhausting though…



  260.  #262Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:01 am

    @162 & 163 GingerSky

    Am I just attracting guys with the same issues as me?

    For example, with Mr. Stares Me Down, I was able to open my heart and smile and look him in the eyes.

    but it’s like I felt this huge energy block or something?

    and I felt him get frustrated and walk away?

    and with this one guy last night…

    He kept bumping into me (on purpose, I swear) and then I ended up seeing him out at the second place I went to…

    and as he was leaving, I felt scared and uncomfortable, and I kind of sensed that he felt scared and uncomfortable too?

    but the thing is, these guys seem to have NO PROBLEM with other girls, so the problem HAS to be with ME.

    I feel soooo frustrated with myself…



  261.  #263Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:03 am

    “The simple act of thinking these words will remind you that we are all in fact connected – and that what one person experiences or does is a part of a joint consciousness, embracing us all.”

    HOW CAN I MAKE IT STOP!

    I keep feeling and doing the same things over and over and over again, expecting a different result?

    INSANE.



  262.  #264Francesca on December 13, 2012 at 6:06 am

    However, it all feels clear today.

    But what about tomorrow?



  263.  #265Mercedes on December 13, 2012 at 6:13 am

    April Rose: Thank you for hearing me. I can’t really blame this funk I’m in on winter (this is the first week it has really dropped below 80 on any consistent basis and it’s still in the high 60’s – 70’s for the most part) but I’m wondering if it does have something to do with time of year (holidays I’m not quite ready for???). I don’t know. I just feel so “blah” about almost everything right now. I talked to J about it the other night and he believes it is very temporary and our latest bod for life challenge (we started a few days ago) will help a lot. I hope so.

    Hibernate is the perfect word for what I want to do right now.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  264.  #266Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:18 am

    let’s see:

    -there was the guy I saw twice last night, who there is a high chance I will see again, as we have mutual friends
    -then, there was a really cute guy who kept smiling at me, and who I actually felt safe being in the prescence of (probably helped that he was a complete stranger and the odds of me seeing him again were/are slim to none)
    -then, there was a creepy 50-something man who made sexual faces toward me (that made me want to hide…ew! you could be my Dad!)
    -then, there was a younger guy in his early 20’s who kept staring/ smiling in my direction, who I also felt safe with, because I knew that if I didn’t introduce myself, he wouldn’t…

    I feel like people I see on a normal basis, people who see that I’m a likable, cute, solid, good girl; look at me and think “what’s wrong with her? why is she still single? Why has she rejected all these great guys that have been interested in her?”

    Not knowing that I’m the one who feels rejected, not good enough, damaged, needy, clingy, emotionally instable and not dependable.

    Ouch.

    I know that’s not true.

    I’m the one who HAS done the rejecting, who has looked at good men and said “THEY are not good enough, damaged, needy, clingy, emotionally instable and not dependable.”

    I have to change the way I look at myself.

    I have to see the good in me, before I can see the good in the men pursuing me…

    how come I can see it once they get married?
    how come I feel so much regret and grief and anger at that point?
    how come I can’t wake up when I actually have the chance to have someone great like that?



  265.  #267Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:20 am

    don’t want to think about this anymore…

    don’t want to think about relationships…

    I want to go hide…



  266.  #268BAB/Rebekah on December 13, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Wish I had read this post yesterday..
    But today is a new day, and I feel anything is possible. I can make today the day I want!

    GlowStix- 228. Aww I feel so special that I ended up in your dream:) how’d I look?! Lol I find it really fascinating to see how other ppl see me..

    Hello world.. Today is my day!!!!



  267.  #269Heart on December 13, 2012 at 6:27 am

    I love this post. Seems like all of us go through this….Open.Close. Muddy. Clear.



  268.  #270Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:34 am

    It feels really bad, thinking about my parent’s marriage.

    She didn’t respect him.
    He didn’t love her.

    I don’t know what a man loving a woman even looks like…

    Have I even seen it?

    Do I even believe it’s possible?

    I feel like it’s something I’ve only seen on tv or in the movies…and the men are just “acting” anyway…



  269.  #271Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:38 am

    I have such a hard time believing in it. Love that isn’t obligatory or mandatory, but that actually comes from a place of joy, service, and desire.

    I feel sooooo sad.

    Crying…



  270.  #272Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:42 am

    I don’t know how to do it.

    I mean, I know how to touch people, and say encouraging words, and I know how to do things for people, and i know how to spend time with people, and I sort of know how to listen, I need to work on it, but it’s like there’s something that I’m not grasping…

    Love either feels like being controlled or smothered, or it feels like being abandoned.

    and so you can either be controlled or you can be lonely and abandoned.

    those are your two options when it comes to love…

    so many tears…

    this hurts soooooo bad…



  271.  #273Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:44 am

    what does healthy love look like?

    needs are met.
    freedom is given.
    but there’s always someone there for you…



  272.  #274Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:53 am

    when one of my best friends got married, I asked her, “how do you know he loves you?”

    and she said, “because he waited for me, while I was going through all that mess with Bob.”

    but, the thing is, I could tell that her husband was interested in me before he became her husband, before they were dating, any of that…

    but he had met her first…

    and I was still really closed down…

    and I even remember feeling her jealousy and panic, seeing his attraction towards me…

    maybe that’s what helped her let go of Bob?

    I felt like shaking her sometimes, “don’t you realize how amazing this other guy is?”

    but she was so hung up on Bob…

    She ended up marrying amazing guy.

    but sometimes I feel like there’s still feelings for Bob…

    that makes me feel so sad….



  273.  #275Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Love is more than feelings. It’s actions. It’s decisions. It’s every day actions and decisions, regardless of what feelings may or may not be there.

    Feelings change.
    Consistent, loving actions don’t have to…

    but the thing that’s so scary is, you can always walk away….



  274.  #276Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 6:55 am

    For example having expectations might look like, “I want my man to be 6’2″, dark hair, green eyes, and a great body, and he has to be an amazing lover, sweeping me right off my feet, having me swoon against his manly chest, and he has to have money, enough take care of me just the way I want.” You might continue with your list of his interests, his job, maybe his habits, and what he should and shouldn’t do when it comes to being with you, and so on.

    Desires on the other hand in this sort of scenario might look like this instead. “I want a man who is perfect FOR ME in most every way.”

    http://sexandheart.com/desires



  275.  #277Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:02 am

    I want to weep at the feet of so many good men, and tell them how sorry I am for the way I was towards them.

    Tell them how sorry I am for my fear and ingratitude.

    I feel tremendous guilt…



  276.  #278Belle on December 13, 2012 at 7:03 am

    265

    Mercedes
    For some reason I feel a strong urge to share something I read a while back with you. It was in an NLP book, maybe The Structure of Magic, I don’t remember for sure but the author was talking about his experience with a man who had quit smoking.
    He was hypnotized and quit overnight, no urges, but after a couple of weeks started having problems in his marriage. So the author had the wife and husband sit in his office waiting, while he observed them from outside the room. The wife lit a cigarette, looked at her husband expectantly, and he just sort of sat there. She tried to talk to him, and he didn’t seem to ‘get’ that she was initiating contact. The author realized that smoking together was a cue for them to relax and talk about what was going on with him. Without a cigarette in his hand, he missed the cue. The author put a cigarette in the man’s hand, and instantly he relaxed and began talking with his wife, even though he didn’t smoke the cigarette.
    I really have no idea why I want to post this or how or even if it relates to you, and I’ve nearly deleted it about 4 times already…I feel shy about it because I can’t make sense of it but the inner voice keeps saying, “It’s important” so there ya go.



  277.  #279Annie on December 13, 2012 at 7:05 am

    258: Femininewoman says:

    “BW bring it back to you and consider how when you or any woman gives a man an ultimatum how it must feel to them. There is a message here.”

    It’s to do with the energy behind it.
    It is usually coming from power and control, so the person on the receiving end will most likely go into resistance unless they are truly helpless like being threatened with violence etc.
    Like Rori days if the energy is reversed and you make it about you. And Dr margaret Bond says the loving action for you. And let go of the expectation of them having to do what you want, with this is what I want etc and I don’t want to settle for anything less and have a take it or leave it do what you like attitude and vibe, the pressure is off as the energy is coming from a place of love for yourself not on trying to get or force another to do something you want from power and control.So they are choosing to do what they want out of free will and not conditioned obligation to appease you which just later causes resentment.



  278.  #280BAB/Rebekah on December 13, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Me and N had a little tradition, where if I’d leave for work before him and he was still in bed,I would say ” txt me when you wake up” and he would say the same to me if it was him leaving before me. I love this tradition, but ever since I started leaning back and not really initiating contact, this has all but stopped.
    I heard it for the first time in weeks last weekend when he had to work. I miss this.. Would it be bad to initiate in this area, maybe say it with a feeling message or something?
    I used to say. “It feels so good to hear from you during the day or some variation, when he would txt. But this has also stopped because of his work, he’s been busy and stressed.. What to do what to do..



  279.  #281Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:07 am

    when I let him go…

    that’s when I experienced true self-hatred for the first time…

    He was fighting for me, and I wouldn’t let him win, even though I loved him so much…



  280.  #282Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:10 am

    I felt so angry at everyone because NO ONE understood.

    I had no idea who I could trust.

    I couldn’t even trust myself…

    some of the darkest days of my young life…



  281.  #283Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:12 am

    I feel hated by the men who used to or tried to love me, and I feel hated by the women who married them…



  282.  #284GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 7:12 am

    annie 240

    I didn’t miss anything in my responses to Janie.

    There are many reasons I said what I said.



  283.  #285Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I feel hatred for myself and from so many other people…

    just on one level.

    I want to feel overwhelming love for myself and everyone else…

    but those horrible feelings are still buried deep inside somewhere, and sometimes they surface…



  284.  #286Annie on December 13, 2012 at 7:15 am

    That is what the no girlfriend speech would be about if what you wanted was marriage. It’s all about you and what you want.

    It’s the difference between you wanting and homing in on a specific man and trying to get him, coerce him force him give him ultimatums to marry you. If marriage is what you want.

    And not getting yourself into that trap in the first place stating that you only want to CD and not be a girlfriend until the right man for you comes along who wants what you want so he doesn’t get you as an exclusive girlfriend while he is making his mind up and you being at his mercy. It is a reverse ultimatum. The energy is reversed.



  285.  #287Annie on December 13, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Fair enough Glowstix. It feels like a huge red flag to me, I don’t want to encourage any woman to stay around any man who is taking cocaine. The loving action for herself would be to get her energy away from there.



  286.  #288Annie on December 13, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Big hugs Iambutterfly.
    Those feelings are coming from you wounded self. X



  287.  #289GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 7:26 am

    annie 287

    Indeed… It is what I would do.



  288.  #290Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:26 am

    “when you want something so much…”

    he said to the group, as he was pointing at me…



  289.  #291Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:27 am

    and then I have these horrible thoughts of;

    “welp, bet he’s glad he didn’t marry ME. I mean, look at how messed up I am…”



  290.  #292GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 7:30 am

    BAB

    I wish I could tell you what you looked like to me! Either I don’t remember or it was only a sense of who was there rather than clear pictures. I dunno lol



  291.  #293Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Thanks, Annie. Needed that.



  292.  #294GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 7:34 am

    (((Iama)))

    Girl, you’ve gotta stop beating yourself up. Feeling sad, angry, whatever is good. Beating yourself up about all of it will only push you down down down. Our thoughts and words have a huge effect on our reality. Blame the moon, the universe, anything but yourself.



  293.  #295Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:37 am

    I wish I had eaten that seven-layer burrito you had waiting for me.

    You were thinking of me.

    Or maybe you just had an extra that you didn’t feel like eating…

    But you offered it to me…

    Oh, how I wish I was hungry, had eaten it, expressed gratitude for it…



  294.  #296Mercedes on December 13, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Belle: Thank you for thinking of me! Unfortunately J and I failed at our attempt to quit. Actually…he was ready and I failed and he feels he can’t quit without me so basically we both made excuses and smoked.

    I do know that J and I quit for a long time together once before and it didn’t change our relationship at all so I’m not too concerned about that being a problem. I just need to set the new date so we can go for it again. I need to feel ready. This last time I felt really NOT ready but willing to do it with him. Recipe for failure.

    Anyway…thanks again for thinking of me…that feels really nice.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  295.  #297Turquoise on December 13, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Yeah Butterfly Wings! So happy to hear you happy!
    Silver Moonbeam, you sound awesome too! Thanks for sharing your program. I know I will feel better physically and emotionally when I get in better shape. It feels like the last hurdle to deal with, like I can see the finish line!

    Radlove, I asked about the church group not because of the romantic potential, but the friendships and company that could ease your loneliness. I know you want to be married, but in the meantime, life can still be fun and enjoyable. 🙂 are your health issues better with the falling asleep? Not sure that would be possible in a noisy daycare, but I bet you’d really enjoy it!



  296.  #298Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Thanks, Glowstix.

    Blame the moon. Hahaha.

    Here’s a positive way that I’m choosing to think about it:

    I was not the right fit for all those men.

    Those men, were not the right fit for me.

    I am the perfect fit for someone out there.
    Someone out there is the perfect fit for me.

    and all these regrets and painful memories and experiences,

    that I’m sure both he and I carry…

    they were to prepare us for our future life…

    so now we can comfort each other
    and comfort others

    Me and my hubby, we’ll be an incredible, empathic, comforting team…

    We’ll heal the world together…

    We’ll understand the pain of others,

    we’ll be understanding them…

    and helping them to heal right along with us…



  297.  #299Tam on December 13, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Oh I just saw some lovely pics from the party last night and I look good!! Which is great as I am not at all photogenic. That makes me feel good for today!!
    Happy Days.
    I feel like the prize today!!



  298.  #300Belle on December 13, 2012 at 7:53 am

    296
    Mercedes
    I’m not sure it’s about the smoking, because reading about your mood and feeling blah is what triggered the memory
    and
    if there’s a message in there somewhere I’m sure you got it from just reading it so I’m not going to try to figure it out.
    I wonder if there’s something for me to see?
    Only, I feel pretty freaking good about life right now sooo
    who knows
    😀



  299.  #301Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 7:55 am

    man, all this stuff comes up just from getting a little noticed more by men…



  300.  #302Rebekah on December 13, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Im feeling super excited for Saturday!! I’m going to be hosting an ugly christmas sweater party!! 🙂 gonna go out with a bunch of girls to the dueling pianos and have drinks and look amazing in our ugly sweaters! Lol



  301.  #303BAB/Rebekah on December 13, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Im feeling super excited for Saturday!! I’m going to be hosting an ugly christmas sweater party!! gonna go out with a bunch of girls to the dueling pianos and have drinks and look amazing in our ugly sweaters! Lol



  302.  #304GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Iama 298

    Yes! Darn right 😉 There is healing within these feelings. Which means there is healing power within you. You are learning and prepping for your big love. And it WILL come.

    301

    I hear that.

    I had a knowledge vision last night, that I am precious and adored. Not by anyone specific, just by all of existance. And it made me nervous! Vulnerable. Then something wrapped my heart up in a warm blanket and I was able to accept it and agree.



  303.  #305GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 8:08 am

    BAB

    🙂 Rock it!



  304.  #306Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Janie Baby – and Annie – 240 – yes I did miss this, and thank you for pointing it out, about the cocaine I mean.

    A one time use of cocaine alone is not necessarily a negative. I tried all kinds of things when I was that young, usually only once because I didn’t like it or didn’t respond well.

    Youth is a time of experimentation and pushing boundaries/limits.

    If this was a one time thing, I would not feel concerned. If it became a regular thing, then yes I would, for we all know how awful cocaine addiction can be.

    So this is something to store away as a potential red flag, yet I wouldn’t suggest dwelling on it. You will know and quickly if this is a “thing”.

    xxoo



  305.  #307BAB/Rebekah on December 13, 2012 at 8:38 am

    304- lol thanks Glowstix 🙂



  306.  #308Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Indigo,

    200 – “It’s actually about being receptive to what they are offering you, yet being very strong and firm within yourself about what you like and don’t like, and are and aren’t willing to accept. Almost like imagining yourself on a recliner, totally relaxed, half-smiling at the people/guys who come into view and saying “yes please” or “no thanks” without any investment at all.”

    Thank you, needed reminder. You said that really well!



  307.  #309Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Turquoise,

    297 – “Radlove, I asked about the church group not because of the romantic potential, but the friendships and company that could ease your loneliness. I know you want to be married, but in the meantime, life can still be fun and enjoyable. are your health issues better with the falling asleep? Not sure that would be possible in a noisy daycare, but I bet you’d really enjoy it!”

    Yes, the church groups are the main social life I have, and I do enjoy the friendship and companionship, altho it is all more surfacey than I would have hoped for after 2.5 years of attending there.

    R introduced me to that church, and now I feel weird being there, when he is out of my life. But I intend to continue anyway, and let him do what he does…which so far is not showing up when I am there. I don’t know if he changed churches or what.

    I still have the same level of excessive sleepiness. I can fall asleep anywhere, no matter how noisy. Just to give you an idea, I was at a very loud concert last June, and I fell asleep sitting on a step in the back of the room. I was exhausted after getting up early to go to the shore and spending the day swimming and walking on the boardwalk.

    I woke up to a couple of strangers sitting on either side of me to get their pictures taken with me, LOL! It was done in a spirit of comaraderie and fun. I guess they thought it was pretty unusual to find someone asleep at a loud concert, LOL.



  308.  #310Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Moonbeam,

    226 – “I soooo know where you are coming from but fortunately I kept going with the online dating. I would have a break now and then when jaded, still do, but as Rori says you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. I am in a far better place than I was even just a few months ago. What about a Christian Singles dating site? I know somebody on here was talking about joining that.”

    I will dust myself off, but I prefer to go to Christian seminars and retreats and other churches to meet potential single men. I was a member of Christian Mingle dot com for 3 months, and I got about 90 spam responses. Not a single, real, local man. What a waste of time and money. I appreciate the encouragement, but I’m thru with online dating. The furthest I would go is if I contacted someone thru FB and it just started organically. But no more going out to singles sites.

    You also said, “Also I only read in the last post that you had an interview for a daycare centre. Good luck and I really hope you get the job, I think you would be excellent with children.”

    thanks! It went well. They like me, but the training to be a daycare director, required by the state, is about $500. So they said they will hire me as a substitute childcare worker, and then see where it goes from there. I am going with that, but it won’t be many hours. I feel disappointed, especially considering how much they liked me. I felt surprised they said they were doing a national search for a director. I can’t imagine anyone would want to move for a position like that. I doubt it pays too high.



  309.  #311Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 9:12 am

    GingerSky,

    218 – “Radlove, online is not the only way to date for sure! I find interest groups to be far more helpful much of the time. Shared interests and intelligence levels are super helpful!”

    Yes, this is where I’m at. I am thinking even my new business might be a great place to meet a good man. There is a shared facebook page, and I am seeing other Christians in there. Lucy’s ex just joined, too! So it was cool to see a familiar face there.

    I like the feeling of no pressure, also, of meeting a man in a special interest group. Like, if I go to a meetup.com group for singles, the tension and pressure charge the room! I went to one and it felt yucky. On the other hand, if I went to a hiking meetup group or something like that, I would feel far more at ease.



  310.  #312Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Dominique,

    In response to your post to me a few days ago about gaining weight, here is a terrific, quality protein powder that I far prefer to others, made from the protein of peas, hemp, and rice, in case it is of any use to you:

    http://www.bodybuilding.com/store/lifetime/plantprotein.html?MCID=CG-PLA-US&mr%3AtrackingCode=32EBAED0-BC1A-E111-973E-001517384908&mr%3AreferralID=NA&mr%3AadType=pla&mr%3Aad=16488418626&mr%3Akeyword=&mr%3Amatch=&mr%3Afilter=41325473466

    There are also variations of this brand, some with greens or fruit added. I like it much better than whey or soy protein. Also it has chia seed which aids in digestion. I’d be interested in know your thoughts about this.



  311.  #313Tereana on December 13, 2012 at 9:20 am

    I love the discussion on chivalry from the last thread – really has me thinking!

    ~~

    A random old lady on the street just said to me: “I love your gentile spirit.”

    At first, I thought she said something about my shoes. Lol. She was old and bent over a walker. She said it like she could have been talking to herself. I said “thank you.” Maybe she was an angel sent to deliver just that message…



  312.  #314Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 9:20 am

    ((( Iamabutterfly )))



  313.  #315Anais on December 13, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Dear Sirens,

    I’d love to receive feedback on this situation:

    Recently the guy I dated last year, out of the blue left a voicemail asking for a couple electronics he lent me when we dating; he asked me to call him back. I had plans that night, had erased his number and it didn’t show up when he left the vmail so I emailed him few days later.

    He contacted me about this at the beginning of the year after I broke up with him and when I chose a day for him to come by, he didn’t without saying a word. We haven’t really been in touch since but he would casually post on my facebook so when he didn’t come by, I didn’t address it and assumed he didn’t want them anymore. And I wasn’t being open to him.

    Then he called several months later without a voicemail . I recognized the number but didn’t call back. My intuition said if he really needed to speak to me, he’d leave a message. And now he has.

    In my recent email I asked if there was anything I need to know about the last time. He doesn’t see the big deal in asking for planning to pick it up again and just leave after, so he asked when a good time is. But I don’t want to keep hearing about this. We’ve known each other for 10 years and didn’t date that long during the time we knew each other. He’s a good guy, he’s just wrong for me. I dumped him because he was blowing hot and cold and didn’t seem to be over his ex. the experience was a wake up call that I had to change my attitude so I later decided I can’t go back to being friends with him. And seeing that he unfriended me on Facebook a few months after he initially asked for his things back, I assume he feels the same.

    I’m not someone who refuses to return stuff that isn’t mine (they were voluntary lent to me because he thought I would like them, not for keeps and he made that clear). But I’m also not intent on being a doormat who communicates “you can have it back whenever you like” or “No it’s ok, I’ll mail them to you!”–this was my attitude throughout the time we dated

    Either way, I want to be heard and need to practice so here’s what I plan to write back:

    “I hear you and I felt surprised to find out it was still a loan. (instead of, ‘I thought you didn’t want it back when you didn’t come last time’) So while I feel happy that you lent them to me and for this long, I’d appreciate not having them anymore now. (instead of “you better come this time”) I will be home Sunday the 30th, around 12pm-2pm. I feel uncomfortable rescheduling again after this occasion, it’s the last time I feel open to doing so (instead of ‘if you don’t come this time, I’m keeping them’)”

    I don’t care about the outcome and it feels nice to practice tools on the last guy I dated before Rori and researching all this relationship stuff.



  314.  #316Tereana on December 13, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I feel a little bit disappointed that Rori didn’t really answer Ann’s question in her post.

    I like what she had to say about “cycles.” it’s like breathing – in, out; expand, contract.

    But the writer was asking about feelings of overwhelm and needing alone time and putting together a script for that. This is something I deal with as well. She’s clearly an ultra-sensitive, and I think Dominique’s articles on ultra-sensitives are great for putting this into perspective, and learning to love and accept yourself as you are.

    I am still working on this, and I think dating is more of a challenge for ultra-sensitives. Because we have very specific needs. It takes practice to understand them – even for ourselves. And even when we communicate them, sometimes our partners don’t understand why we need what we do.

    But a good partner will try to understand, and will try to do what’s best for us, even if he fails sometimes.

    And remember – some men are ultra-sensitives, too!!



  315.  #317Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Radlove – 309 – So work your way towards being a director. Stash a few dollars here, a few there, and soon you will at least have a deposit for the $500. It is something you love and are wonderful at it.

    xxoo



  316.  #318BAB/Rebekah on December 13, 2012 at 9:53 am

    315- Tereana, I completely agree with you! I was a little confused why Rori didn’t really mention anything about that as well. I kinda think I may be a n ultra sensitive in some aspects and in others not..



  317.  #319Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Radlove – I LOVE those kinds of formulas as recommendations for most people except those like me. I do not digest concentrated foods (eg. protein powders, energy bars etc.) well; in fact they cause me distress. You may not remember that I don’t have a colon, so things go through quickly, especially these kinds of foods and thus the irritation. Thank you so much for thinking of me.

    xxoo



  318.  #320bloom-ing on December 13, 2012 at 9:58 am

    ok ok i’m starting over again forever always over & over again, thank you



  319.  #321bloom-ing on December 13, 2012 at 10:00 am

    OOOOOOOh i’m in moderation!! woooooooo big open airy cavernous space SHOUT echo echo echo lol : ) hehe mischief eyes & sex appeal & a chastity belt that keeps me safe if i want. what is the vulnerable OUCH that is in the big juicy YES….. mm uncomfy, i hug you, you big uncomfiness… i love words & sounds – thank you. & i made songs yesterday in my chest quiet & learned to sing all the time even behind my conversations with others i can be singing that calm song maybe if i’m practicing & remembering – thanks



  320.  #322Violette on December 13, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Lilibee thank you for the encouraging words!!



  321.  #323Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 10:32 am

    #309 Radlove

    I hear you. The dating sites *can* be quite traumatic if your head is not in the right place or space.

    I really hope you can come up with the $$$ for this job and like what Dominique says.

    Good luck you are doing so well to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.



  322.  #324Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 10:34 am

    #315 Tereana

    I’m nor sure if I am quite ULTRA sensitive but I do know I am more sensitive than most people I know so maybe I am ???, if you have the time I would like the links to the article.

    Thank You.



  323.  #325GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:41 am

    #229 SMB I feel so glad my post is helpful! (It had gone into moderation bc of my cusswords… Dominique and I both mentioned it again, so I’m glad you found it 🙂 ) Much love… I like you and your sharings a lot.



  324.  #326Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Anais thought I am fully aware of all the details, what if he has something else preplanned. It kinda seem like a veiled ultimatum. Plus you did not ask him his opinion.



  325.  #327Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

    2cd asked me to go to his city for the next date. He lives 2 hours away. I shared with 2nd that I feel overwhelmed with the driving. He said ah okay. They texed and said maybe some other time. I’m not actually free now till after Xmas but I don’t want to appear not interested.



  326.  #328jet on December 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

    not in relationship for 12 years .. while on facebook .. friend of on eof friends comes on have seen him on throughout last couple years .. math prof. graduate level..said he has been fasinatated by pics my best pal of 45 years posted of our trip to carson city… wow! wanted to know about my Spiritual journey that has led to following Holy spirts nudges and .letting go of most my stuff and moving to south east part of state .. where I know no one .. yet I did..and love it! got a place to live and a job and enrolled to start college .. life is good here.. so we have began an intense online chats ..that last hours..let him know the Rori way..that have gleaned. I can be difficult.. that if I were looking for a relationship ..and that am not..I would need to both feel and be safe with that fellow..if lied to ..would loose trust and it would be finished. also I am the prize not him and that I would be the apple of his eye both privtely and publicly..he was on board .. and we had fun and laughed and learned and loved the silly putty side of this new online adventure..then all sudden he was in love! and wanted my phone number.. no. I will wait to hear the sound of his voice in person .. not on cell..well I let him know chats were to long and my balence with taking cae of my body was not feeling good .. so I cut the chats to one 15 min. in a.m. and one hour in evening..oh how he howled over this ..oh couldnt stand the withdrawl of it and began talking about what place I would like to settle .. for he is taking extended trip to find land to build his home ect… which I have not got into his life plans .. only mine..and yet would listen and share what he would disclose..so he was carrying on and it was late ..I had already stated 20 mins earlier ..need to get off here! so I said it … please keep in mind sirens we have not yet mrt in person .. I said well hey .. then put a ring on me and claim me..and we will find our way together..OH WOW..that put a silence on the line..Heh Heh… and he said .. I want you as free as a little bird ! I will not put a claim on you … we will find our way >> and I said ‘k nite and deleted my facebook account..wow…comments ? does lone plum rver come on any more? Its been a while since I have been on here



  327.  #329Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 11:14 am

    SIlverMoonbeam –

    http://sexandheart.com/dealing-with-your-man-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    sexandheart.com/more-on-you-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    xxoo



  328.  #330Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

    bloom-ing – starting over can be such great fun, exciting. new beginnings, yay.

    xxoo



  329.  #331ruth on December 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

    evening
    Smile you have stated how you feel and now its up to him



  330.  #332GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

    #262 iamabutterfly Maybe I misunderstand you saying you feel so frustrated with yourself, and maybe you’re just speaking your feelings which seems awesome, but it makes me wanna jump off that to something that feels important to me here.

    Everyone has differing energies with each person they meet… the energies that occur between me and someone else are just that, the mixture of us (can be seen by numerology, astrology etc or just felt and accepted with no such tools needed).

    For instance, me and NSM are both 4s in our lifepath number. Therefore, together we have 8 energy, which means we will often feel compelled to try and dominate each other, or will feel dominated by each other just by being present together. Also means that together we can accomplish anything, and we enhance each other a ton. This is true of us.

    When I first connected with my Beloved Ex, I didn’t even see him only heard his voice from another area of the room, and KNEW i needed to be with this man and at least get to know him and bask in his wonderful voice lol. Then shortly after that, he was with his gf at the time at our work Christmas party, and he and I looked into each other’s eyes and we were riveted… wound up gazing in front of everyone and everyone in the room melted away (this happened a bit for me w NSM too lol). As he held HER hand walking by me. (I do not go in where another woman is the gf, but their relationship was dead and only friendship at that point pretty much). He is an 11 lifepath, so he and I have 6 energy together (1+1=2, then 2+4=6) which is my TOTAL favorite and GETS ME every time (I’ve dated several 11s & didn’t know it.) Also astrologically, we have a big destiny feeling between us. It was (and still is) just there. There would be little or nothing either of us could do to remove it, but we can enhance, capitalize on, grow and add to it. Or not. We’ve been close for 20+ years now (he has a drug problem so for that reason and a few others, we cannot be together).

    If there is nervous energy between you and someone else, you can mitigate and enhance the better feelings of it by doing Rori’s Tools! Ditto if there is “good” energy there. But the energy that’s there isn’t necessarily your fault or doing imo. It’s just there.

    I share all this not too ramble on long etc, but to say just explore, notice and play with the feelings that come up between you and a man. Check in with yourself and let him deal with his. You are not responsible for how he reacts, and we can’t control another’s responses, but we can do the Tools here with integrity and be a good person with ourselves. Don’t blame or judge yourself or the other person. It usually doesn’t help. This work isn’t about getting it right. It’s about playing with it till it feels good and becomes second nature, gently, lovingly. I am convinced that works better. (Daria is a perfect example imo of just playing with the Tools with no blame on anyone, and just working through her triggers in her way, as they come up.)

    When shifting energy, it’s important to first tap into what is just there, feel it, accept it, don’t fight with or resist or get frustrated with it, let it be in your awareness… go with its flow as you would simply sit with an old friend without needing to talk, feeling and touching the stream of connection that flows between and around you two, and being ok with whatever that feels like… kind of groove on it or get “in the groove” or in the slipstream of it, notice what feelings come up for you and simply observe them lovingly in yourself. Then and only then is it possible to shift it, gently, coaxingly, more or less instantaneously… and as it tries to go back to stress, notice, learn, adjust, and coax it back to what feels better again.

    A good book that describes this is The Holographic Universe, if you find these ideas interesting. (This is a FASCINATING read regardless, enjoyable-written and well-researched.)

    Guys like that “seem” to have no nervousness around girls, but they do get nervous! You just haven’t noticed it (and a guy who truly never gets nervous around a woman might scare me, like he might no be human, might imo be too controlling or cold lol).

    Maybe his nervousness only shows to you when it is you he’s connecting with… who can guess at what he is really feeling with other girls? 😉 Yes, the nervousness with this guy may be all you, or mostly you. Or it may simply be the energy between you, and you can play with that gently and shift it… have fun. Hope this helps 🙂



  331.  #333Anais on December 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

    FW 326, I really appreciate your feedback. Can you elaborate on what you mean regarding him having something pre-planned?

    And I see, while I feel some resentment about this situation I do want to know what he thinks. I will ask him his opinion, as I do not intend to make it sound like an ultimatum. At the same time, I would like my feelings to be heard as I have never truly opened up to him, and would always pretend to be “ok”. I am 100% positive this factor played a role in the relationship not working out.

    Looking back, the last time I had this discussion (without feeling messages) I didn’t ask him what he thought either!



  332.  #334Tam on December 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Smile, hiiiii!!
    Agree with Ruth…



  333.  #335GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Oh, and lamabuterfly, you can shift the energy in many ways, which are hard for me to describe in words, but my favorite way is to deliciously imagine “what would it feel like in this moment if it felt like ______? Who would I be if I felt secure and lively right now [the opposite of nervous?] ? How would I act and how would my body feel?” Without trying to answer the question. And using only the words and thoughts for what you’d prefer to feel, never the words for what you don’t want to be feeling. Your inner self will act toward *creating* and manifesting the answer to the question you just asked, all on its own. You will move into that way of being gradually, with practice of holding the question in your mind gently with presence in the moment… and simply noticing how it feels, without words.

    😉



  334.  #336Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Hi Ruth!
    Yes, I feel like he has misunderstood. That it’s not just Sunday I don’t want to drive to see him, I don’t ever want to drive!

    I had a long distance relationship with strummingman but not even as far. It felt so frustrating. I dint want this again without getting too far in the future. I have fear around this. When we moved in together so we could see each other more it all fell to pieces. I had moved my job and moved away from friends and family etc. Now I’m back I want a life in this city I love and have a life here.



  335.  #337Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Hi tam!!!

    I feel like I wish i had never responded.

    I don’t want to date long distance.



  336.  #338ruth on December 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Smile, so you said what you felt and you know what you want and now it really IS up to him

    dont do any more and dont think about it
    (you have 2 other CDS right?)



  337.  #339ruth on December 13, 2012 at 11:33 am


  338.  #340Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

    He has a lovely date planned and I’m sure it would be great fun but I don’t want to go to travel!



  339.  #341Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Ruth, his last text message was… Maybe some other time?
    I need to respond to thus. He’s texed me twice since then asking how my day is.



  340.  #342GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Also, lamabutterfly, if a man feels nervous around you, it may mean he sees/feels you as a woman way more special than the ones he’s used to being around. It’s not necessarily a bad thing! (no judgments)



  341.  #343Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Ruth, yes I have 2 other CDs. Well I’m on a first date on Sunday. And a 2nd date with ambulance cd mid week. Ambulance cd is hot and a total gentleman!



  342.  #344ruth on December 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Smile

    “yes, another time would feel good”



  343.  #345Tam on December 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

    336 aw, Smile, can you see it as practice? It’s all good….



  344.  #346Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Perfect Ruth thank you 
    Love the photos. You are brave running in this weather. Chilly!



  345.  #347Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 11:41 am

    “I hear you and I felt surprised to find out it was still a loan. (instead of, ‘I thought you didn’t want it back when you didn’t come last time’) So while I feel happy that you lent them to me and for this long, I’d appreciate not having them anymore now. (instead of “you better come this time”) I will be home Sunday the 30th, around 12pm-2pm. I feel uncomfortable rescheduling again after this occasion, it’s the last time I feel open to doing so (instead of ‘if you don’t come this time, I’m keeping them’)”

    “I felt surprised to receive the request and respect that it is your property. I will be home Sunday the 30th, around 12pm-2pm and feel open to returning it them then. What do you think?”

    If the inital agreement was that it was a loan I would not communicate surprise about it being a loan. It suggests some assumptions that seem disrespectful. If you feel uncomfortable rescheduling that is not his problem, you could tell him you threw them in the garbage after all this while. The same window of opportunity given to him to collect could create resistance inside him, he might have other plans to be doing something at that time. I know he dropped the ball last time but my opinion is you only need to tell him when you are available let him decide what he wants to do. If he doesn’t show up then I would just write after a week that I will be putting them in the garbage/recycle.



  346.  #348Smile on December 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Tam, I like him but I kind of felt a bit gutted for him when I said no to Sunday. I need to look after my feelings rather than worry about how he will feel. I could feel his disappointment. Wow yes, I’m getting a lot of practise!



  347.  #349Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Also Anais you did not have to be his available storage space. You chose to.



  348.  #350GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

    #315 Anais I love your FM about this! Brava! |clap clap!| I will use your words as an example for myself.



  349.  #351BAB/Rebekah on December 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Humm I’m wondering if I should tell N about my plans for Saturday tonight or just leave it be and tell him sat if he asks, or when he notices me getting ready.. I forget who said I should just make plans and not share with him unless he asks..



  350.  #352GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 11:46 am

    #346 FW I love your version too! Many thanks for this.



  351.  #353Indigo on December 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

    I’m really glad that was helpful to you Radlove 🙂

    I have just been amazed at how well guys have treated me since I really “got” this way of being, and how little I am bothered by the niggley, negative aspects of dating.

    It just felt to me as if you needed this <3



  352.  #354GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

    #321 bloom-ing Love this… mmmmm!



  353.  #355Tam on December 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Smile, I know exactly what you mean…when I ‘refused’ a date the third time in 6 days today, i could practically feel the disappointment oozing through cyberspace…and though ‘aw, no, he even invited me on his boys night out yesterday and I had to refuse and now I have to refuse again’…and then I thought ‘oops…hang on a minute, this is about how I feel…and it feels nicde to be pursued but I already have fabulous plans for Saturday, a big big boatshow party and actually feel happy about this and he will find another way of seeing me if he wants to. 🙂
    I was just temporarily thrown because everybody had kind of fallen by the wayside….and I was thinking ‘maybe it’s me?’
    But no, just feminine men….and one MrP who doesn’t want what I want….so, hey. Onwards and upwards.
    I get a lot more happiness mileage when I concentrate on me and my feelings…I assume a man can handle his and if he feels unhappy, he will disappear…
    And I ride on..hehe.



  354.  #356Anais on December 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Thanks FW. My mindset was if he really wants them back, I rather he just took them back. If he doesn’t , I certainly don’t mind keeping them. He has a habit of saying he is going to do things and not follow through… but you’re right, I can only state when I’m available. I can’t control what he does. However I can see that with your way to express this, he’s far more likely to honor my feelings than with the way I responded to him the last time!



  355.  #357GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

    #311 Yep, Radlove, this is exactly what I experience too… it feels SOOO much better to me.

    Meeting people who are only looking to meet people (like online or in a singles group) is asking for stress it seems… unless I’m in a town where people tend to date for fun with no expectations (kinda rare?). BUT meeting with people when there’s an agreed activity or topic feels amazing and no pressure! Totally different.

    Have you ever been interested in dancing? I am. Like Argentine Tango, or other Latin or ballroom dancing? That feels nervous but in a good way for me. I stay in the room and just breathe, till I start having so much fun and see everyone else being nervous too, hee hee.

    Lol one of my housemates just turned his radio on in the kitchen (we hardly ever do that, ever) and it’s Bonnie Raitt or someone singing You Can’t Always get What You Want… but you’ll get what you need.” That song as pissed me off so many times in life, but today it is making sense… if I get what I need it is way more abundant than I imagined. Hmmmm. Food for thought. I’m now more clearly sensing the difference between needs and wants ever since I got on this blog.



  356.  #358GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Yeah, FW many thanks again for clarifying this FM of Anais’s. This is helping me tons, and I’m seeing my judgments, controllingness, irrational beliefs and so on which are still under my surface. I feel so very grateful for this today.



  357.  #359Goodheart on December 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    I feel happy to see you on here again Blooming 🙂

    Your writing feels so good to read.



  358.  #360Tam on December 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Starla? I am feeling curious as to what’s up with you girl!



  359.  #361Iamabutterfly on December 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Thanks, GingerSky. Wow, I feel speechless. So much to process, not sure I even understand it all…

    New thread up, btw…:)



  360.  #362Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    jet – she does but under another name. Haven’t seen her in a while though. I don’t fully understand what you are describing.



  361.  #363Anais on December 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    #349 FW I’m feeling confused as to how I chose to be his available storage space? Are you saying I simply shouldn’t have replied to him when he left the voicemail?

    The history was we both like games and he lent some gaming merchandise to me since he thought I would enjoy them, which I felt was thoughtful at the time. I didn’t see any reason to say no. He verbally kept insisting I kept them for awhile when we were going out and it came up. But I didn’t think it would become this “thing” about him wanting them back and then not acting on it. In the past before we dated, I’ve unintentionally ended up keeping similar merchandise when he lent them to me. Because whenever I was ready to return it he’d say I could keep it.



  362.  #364Tam on December 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    too funny, the guy who was too shy to speak with me yesterday, was not too shy to befriend me on fb and now he has asked me out for Sunday.
    Haha.
    I feel amused as I was just musing why everyone had fallen by the wayside.
    This is a chubby Austrian..oh well.
    I find the CDing so much more satisfying when I am totally not attracted to the men. Hahaha.



  363.  #365Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    bloom-ing it feels good to “see” you again.



  364.  #366Tam on December 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    One is too old, the other too fat and Germanic..I am on to something here.
    I feel free of the burden of attraction!!!!



  365.  #367Femininewoman on December 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Anais now it is clear. I believe it is a lesson for future. Whenever someone says loan then it is a loan. If they say you can keep it then it might be worth clarifying with them whether they are saying keep it for now until they are ready for it or keep it forever.

    I mentioned storage space because you said he wanted to come for it some time ago but didn’t. At that time I was thinking you had the option of throwing them out but you decided to store them for him.

    I don’t think it is about the games now though. I believe he is checking if you are still there. If the door is still open for him. If you have changed any. If your degree of difficult has increased or if you are still “easy”. I believe he needs to experience you as new. Goddessy not doormatty. High degree of difficult not same. Not waiting around for him but living.

    Hope this makes sense



  366.  #368Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Femininewoman – 347 – is spot on. Anais, you only need tell him when you are available, and if he drops the ball again, something like the text or e-mail FW suggested would be appropriate, or you will leave them in the doorstep on such and such a date for such and such hours, after which you will give them to the Goodwill or some place like this.

    xxoo



  367.  #369Anais on December 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    FW 267, Good point in the future I will clarify. I didn’t sell them or throw them out, but it was not for him but for me…out of my own self-interest, I still use them.

    re: checking to see if I’m still there. I think you’re right…because the last time he called, he did so while he was in my area so he saw it as a convenience. He thinks I wasn’t home… I actually was home but hosting a dinner party at my place.

    And this is why I appreciate all your feedback. I want to show up as the more goddessy version of me, being truly authentic and not waiting on him. not the “too easy” woman I was when I was seeing him.



  368.  #370Daria on December 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I’m feeling exhausted.

    Thanks for noticing D

    Thank you for considering meditating

    Thank you for drinking water



  369.  #371GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    #363 Anais, this all makes sense to me, yeah.



  370.  #372Smile on December 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Tam, yes actually I feel like it’s increasing my level of difficulty not being so available and so free to accept every date. I’m doing well with saying when I’m free. I’m free from the instant attraction on 2cd but ambulance cd is a different matter! He is totally hot and manly and could easily get caught up in the attraction. I need to keep aware of myself. Chubby Australian cd sounds lovely actually lol 

    Catch you on new thread!!



  371.  #373GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    #367 #368 FW & Dominique Wow I like these so much.



  372.  #374Tam on December 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Oh not another Taurus..NO. I have a bad vibe with Tauruses. MrP is a Taurus, my last bf was a Taurus and my grandad is a Taurus and all these men are/were a bit of a disaster for me. So stubborn.
    CDTaurus. Hrmpf. So now this is interesting.
    I am a red rag to the bull.
    Yehaw.



  373.  #375Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Dominique,

    317 and 319 – Maybe on saving for the daycare director training. They liked me a lot, and they said they want anyone they hire as director to start out with direct care anyway, so they can get familiar with the program and children and so they can see them in action. So I am just going with what they said. If it looks real positive, I might do that. My disappointment is that I need a full time job and my finances continue to be in a state of emergency.

    Sorry, I didn’t know you don’t have a colon. 🙁 That’s hard.



  374.  #376Tereana on December 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Tam – you are a prize *every* day! 🙂



  375.  #377Turquoise on December 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Does anyone have the no no hair removal system? Looking for a review I can trust! 🙂



  376.  #378Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Radlove – I can SO see you with children like this.

    Actually it was harder having the colon than it is not. I was given a new lease on life when it was removed. Though the surgeries required and the complications I went through had I known ahead of time, likely I would not have gone through with it.

    xxoo



  377.  #379Tereana on December 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    BW – what an interesting ultimatum! It sounds like…almost a proposal, but not quite. Lol I’d want the man to be sure – not asking me to make his mind up for him.

    But I feel like – being in your shoes – I’d wonder “do you love the other girl? Or do you love me and want to marry me?” I feel curious…

    Sounds like an interesting crossroads – for him. The plus is, he’s interested in marriage. And you could end up with him. Maybe he needs to make up his own mind. But how will you feel if he marries the “other woman”?

    And, more importantly, how do you feel about HIM?



  378.  #380Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Just to clarify, not that I really need to, things were reconstructed and reattached inside, no ostomy bag in other words. I have a large hip bone to hip bone scare right under my belly button in the shape of a smile as my reminder. I love my smile scar. 🙂

    xxoo



  379.  #381GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Anais 315

    Sounds great to me! Very reasonable, very sireny, sticking to boundaries. Top notch. 🙂



  380.  #382GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    rahhhhh and hooray! I <3 bloom-ing!



  381.  #383Tereana on December 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Tam – red flag to the bull. Lol!

    I am a Taurus. But honestly, I feel more and more like that has very LITTLE to do with how I am in relationships. That is all about my Scorpio moon sign ; )

    [fun fact: on date two with the “new guy” whom I will dub NG (bc it also stands for “no go”), it came out that I was a Taurus, and he said that he also does not “get along” with tauruses. I felt a bit squirmy at that – like why write me off at the very beginning when my astrological sun sign describes very little about me? Most people are stubborn in one way or another. And also, I gotta say – of the sun signs, I actually think Taurus is pretty rockin’. It’s what gives me my earthy groundedness, my calm vibe and soothing personality. It keeps me level-headed where scorpio makes me “crazy.” it mellows out my intensity, keeps me moving at my own pace, and allows me to really connect with people. And open your mind – maybe there is some part of “Taurus” that you love, and that’s why you are often attracted to them. I used to think I couldn’t deal with Scorpio sun sign women, because every other woman in my family was a scorpio, and that also was a “disaster.” but two of my best friends right now are Scorpio women. And now that I know my moon sign is scorpio, that changes everything. I either get to learn to accept it and live/work with it. Or I have to reject a huge part of myself. I wonder, is there a part if yourself you are rejecting along with these guys who are “tauruses”?]



  382.  #384Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    GingerSky,

    357 – I love dancing! I’m not good at it, but I have taken a few classes at the Y like zumba and salsa and would love to do more!



  383.  #385Goddess Lily on December 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    ((((Iamabutterfly))))



  384.  #386GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    FW

    Great insights for anais and all of us.

    I still think her first msg is fine anyways though it conveys irritation. I would feel irritation myself. Perhaps why it resonates with me.



  385.  #387Daria on December 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Wow I prayed and I feel so much better

    I want to note that

    Thank you



  386.  #388Anais on December 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Glowstix 386, yes I do feel irritated! But I do see the hints of controlling tendencies and ultimatum veiled in it now.



  387.  #389Goddess Lily on December 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    (((((Janie Baby)))))

    I feel scared about the cocaine thing. I have no experience with it though. Just a bad feeling.

    All that aside, I understand your feeling about whether your insecurity has to do with you or him. Ultimately I believe it has to do with you and what you accept for yourself. BUT, if you are trying to figure out whether you are being “rational” or if there are any facts to go along with your feelings, I have a suggestion that works for me.

    I keep track of my interactions with whoever I am experiencing negative feelings with. Like you say “he always” does ____. Does he? Is it always? Or does it just seem that way? I keep track of how often I get called or texted or visits and what feelings I experienced at the time. Great, blah, sad, etc. So when I look back at the last week or month, I can truly evaluate whether my guy “never” does this or “always” does that. Are my NVs getting to me over nothing or does my short term memory for bad experiences get rewritten over time?

    Sometimes, I feel bad because its been “forever” since he texted me. And then I look at my record and see that the last time he texted was yesterday morning. The feeling is real but it’s obviously not coming from his actions. It’s my own insecurity and boredom. So what can I do about that to make me feel better because he’s actually doing his part?

    On the other hand, I could recognize that I’m giving energy to a person that really hasn’t contacted me with any substance in the last month. A “hi” text here, a “whats up” text there. What’s the message for me? Why am I wrapped up in somebody who isn’t wrapped up in me?

    I know that’s a long explanation but it helps be get clarity on reality and what to do next.



  388.  #390GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Teareana 389

    Wowee! fantastic post!!!!

    Thank you for this new practice. What a blessing.



  389.  #391coco kisses on December 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Sirens HEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!! I need some serious input….ok so I have my divorce papers all signed. and have been waiting for my husband to sign his papers and mail thme to me…..all of a sudden he;s been making excuses for signing the papers, and basicly ignoring me….after a whole month, he finally told me that he’s having second thoughts….actually he said “I have the papers, but I don’t want to sign until I’m sure this is what I want to do, right now I don’t feel sure, and lately I’ve been having second thoughts”…he said he was going to call me to talk about it…this was 2 days ago, and I have not heard from him…..I feel sooooo what ever, I feel in limbo……what should I say/do? I’m a lady in waiting…it feels irritating



  390.  #392Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    coco kisses – BREATHE, and give him a chance. It’s only been two day which in boy time is about a minute, maybe not even that long.

    xxoo



  391.  #393GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    #392 Dominique, I still have to remind myself of this about boy time, yet after all this time it’s becoming second nature with me, and that feels good. I actually like boy time now… gives me time to do my own things with less pressure in many ways, all the way around! I feel like adopting and flowing in boy time too. Oh, wait! That’s what seems to happen when I’m busy taking care of me.



  392.  #394coco kisses on December 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    I feel irritated, agitated, nervous, exhausted, hopeful, and tight in my chest. ….im starting to feel emotionally unavailable to my husband…..i don’t want to get hurt by him….i dont like how emotional unavailability feels in my body. ..it feels bad….uncomfortable



  393.  #395GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    #389 GoddessLily This is Siren genius.



  394.  #396GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Yeah, coco kisses… I feel frustrated for you too. Does he have to sign in your state/country? Could you get the divorce unilaterally, based on abandonment or some such, and without his cooperation?

    Not trying to stir stuff up for you, but just wondering if some faster relief may be any kind of option for you. Or maybe you’re just having to learn more patience, after all this.

    Hugs, and nice to see you here!



  395.  #397GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    GoddessLily, I notice I often do this as well… when I’ve thought I’ve been “abandoned” in the past, I see that maybe he just emailed me three or four days ago. Lol.

    Internal time sense can be stretchy and rather plastic!



  396.  #398GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Radlove, when I dance, I feel as though I need little else, lol!

    I never did Zumba before though!



  397.  #399coco kisses on December 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I could do a contested divorce. …costs more, and takes longer….im not able to do that right now….financially



  398.  #400GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    coco kisses… right on. I wasn’t sure. It will come through for you. That was a difficult marriage-not-marriage imo, from what I read from you in past threads here.

    It will all come to pass. Like Dominique said, just breathe… deep and slow… love.



  399.  #401GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    lamabutterfly! I missed all your postings of your deep feelings about love and guys in your past and all that!

    ((((( lamabutterfly )))))

    I feel that way about some guys from my past too… one of them is no longer with us… I have had SO much guilt of this nature too.



  400.  #402Goddess Lily on December 13, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    (((((Coco kisses)))))

    I’ve never been in your shoes. I have faith though. You will come through this experience….whatever the result….a stronger, wiser, happier, true siren. The prize!



  401.  #403Goddess Lily on December 13, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Thank you GingerSky! Every so often, I make sense 🙂



  402.  #404Radlove on December 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Dancing and children…that’s a good combo, too!



  403.  #405GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Radlove, if you can stand (or overlook) a lotta curse words, I recommend an old classic book on the Law of Attraction called Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn. I’m especially thinking of the story of her friend who wound up alone, broke, with kids to raise, a house to pay for, and no job or skills supposedly, feeling at her wits end. She had always wanted to paint.

    I believe that’s how the story begins. I really wish I could buy this book and send it to you, I hope you can manage to find it. Should be in libraries or on Amazon used.



  404.  #406Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    #325 Ginger Sky

    Aw thanks I really like you too and I love your posts. 🙂



  405.  #407Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    #329 Dominique

    Ah yes I can see where I commented on the post a while back, yes I am ultra sensitive I am now owning it. 🙂



  406.  #408GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 12:19 am

    lol

    So sorry goddess lily!!! I don’t know why I thought you were tereana ;p

    Regardless…Fantastic!



  407.  #409Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 12:22 am


  408.  #410Brenda on December 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    I’m doing the work but to move on but, in my mind it keeps rewinding to what if I didn’t fuss and cry the times he took my car til the next day or the nights he said we were going out and he wouldn’t come back til 3am. He said I didn’t understand his lifestyle he’s not famous so I couldn’t fully understand why at least 3 nights out the weekhe would disappear til the next day. Sometimes I think.if Ihad more money would we still be together,today is like a minor set back whats the best thing to do to kinda keep from obsessing over him? He usually calls or text and I ignore today he hasn’t.although I see we can’t give each other what we need its hard for me to move on,I am trying so hard.



  409.  #411Brenda on December 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I’m doing the work but to move on but, in my mind it keeps rewinding to what if I didn’t fuss and cry the times he took my car til the next day or the nights he said we were going out and he wouldn’t come back til 3am. He said I didn understand his lifestyle he’s not famous so I couldn’t fully understand why at least 3 nights out the weekhe would disappear til the next day. Sometimes I think.if Ihad more money would we still be together,today is like a minor set back whats the best thing to do to kinda keep from obsessing over him? He usually calls or text and I ignore today he hasn’t.although I see we can’t give each other what we need its hard for me to move on,I am trying so hard.



  410.  #412Caribbean Girl on December 25, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Hi Rori,

    Merry Christmas! I have wanted to write to you for a some time now, and finally had the courage to do so. I am a 30 years old girl who has struggled in love almost all my life. It has become even worse since I moved from my country to the US 3.5 years ago, not sure if because of the cultural differences. A year ago, I decided that I have had enough, and is when I find you. I have many of your programs, which I listen daily and I have been practicing lots of your tools, which have opened my eyes on many mistakes I’ve been making with men. I feel stronger and confident on the things I will and will not tolerate from any men, being a feminine energy, using feeling messages, leaning back, not calling or initiating and been all a modern siren. Yet, despite all the great improvement, I am stuck and still struggling in some areas. I consider myself to be an attractive, open and welcoming girl, meaning that I have no problem with men approaching me, in fact quite the opposite, and I need to be very picky and selective in deciding who to date based on bad experiences. However, I’ve notice a pattern in the guys that I really like and it is that they always let me down in some way, even as fast as in the first date (like if they were afraid to meet me in person for the first time or something (?)), is like an epidemic, one after the other. They ask me out and all the sudden can’t make it for whatever excuse. Thanks to all your programs I have develop solid boundaries in identifying this quickly and that man who do this is just not a good relationship material for me, so I cut them off right away. However, at the end I haven’t been able to go farther than from first contact to two months with a man.

    So, I am stuck in a few areas:

    First, I feel bad with myself about the way I react (instead of responding) in these situations when I am left down. In the moment I feel so furious and frustrated with the fact that “once again”, and I tell them small things like “well, good luck” and proceed to make sure that he knows that I am moving on to the next guy. Then I feel terribly lonely and guilty for weeks or months because they never come back, I don’t know until what point I am overreacting and pushing them away. Deep inside I do really like these guys and I feel bad about if I am the one screwing up things. I don’t know how to handle my temper when I feel offended, I just react, then I find myself crying every night feeling lonely and guilty thinking that I can’t do relationships.

    Second, despite that I project a lot of confidence, a high and happy vibe, and I do the Rori Raye dance when interacting with men and everything seems to flow fine, in my alone time deep inside I feel horribly terrified of screwing things, been rejected and hurt again. Is a horrible feeling of fear that things would not work or that the man will not give the grade, and I truly don’t know how to handle it. The feeling keeps me constantly monitoring everything I did or say to make sure I don’t go back to my old patterns. I practice circular dating and dating myself rules. In fact, whenever I start talking with a new guy I make sure to get busy with multiple men, to put myself out there and leave my online dating profile up, but it still don’t help me neutralize the terror feeling that I feel for the one that I really like. It all ends up by me dumping them for whatever little thing they do or don’t, or small red flag I see and probably I am just overreacting (again).

    Third, to this end I’ve lately been feeling intensely attracted to psychic readings in search for answers. I know you consider these as “influences”, and I know that I should only listen to my heart. Many of the information they tell me is the opposite of what I really would like to hear about whatever guy. But, is it necessarily the truth? What is your opinion about this? I feel stuck I just don’t know what else to do. I feel super lonely, with a lack of motivation to date, needy at times with my self-esteem mashed and incredibly frustrated with my love life. I will love to hear your advise, I hope I hear back from you.

    Thank you
    Caribbean Girl



  411.  #413Rori Raye on December 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Caribbean Girl, Welcome, and you sound wonderful and a perfect coaching client. It sounds to me like all you need is to refocus who you’re attracted to, and get a “practice” for increasing your tolerance for intimacy. That’s all it is: Practice. And a coach can help you. If you don’t have Targeting Mr. Right – get that one, and get a coach who specializes in shifting the kind of men you interact with – so many of them – Bobbi Palmer, Lisa Copeland, Orna Walters…and perhaps a coach who can help you with the inner work, like Virginia Clark. If you want to look at private coaching with me, go to http://www.coachrori.com/private-coaching/. Love, Rori



  412.  #414coco kisses on December 25, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    All last night i was feeling sad, confused, desperate, angry, and lonely. Wanting to be held and loved and cherished, and left alone at the same time……i felt better this morning after a good wrk out, and loving affirmations….. im trying not to get discouraged, maybe i should just give into thrse sade feelings. …..my husband called me this morning , because he haf a Christmas present for my daughter. …he threw in an apology for dropping off the face of the earth for all this time, after coning by my house a week and a half ago at 2am…….. he said yeah i know your pissed off, you really dont deserve this….im just confused, not knowing what to do, you know im weird sometimes. ….blah blah blah…..i know hes working with what he has…..but i feel bad and im wanting to protect,and going into myself from him again. ……im wanting going into no contact with…..men sometimes will not be inspired to change if they dont feel some of the consequences. …….i need to focus my time on me………..



  413.  #415coco kisses on December 25, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Adding to my previous post, we will have been separated for 1 year come February



  414.  #416Caribbean Girl on December 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Hi Rori,

    Thank you so much for your time in reading my message and responding so promptly. Yes, I agree its about refocus, practice and developing more tolerance over intimacy. I’ve been struggling to much in the past years because I tend to take things to deeply and intensely (is just how I am and haven’t been able to canalize it). I am currently suffering for the last guy I dated who I really liked and I pushed away with one of my overreactions. I been working on handling my feelings of guilt and attraction emotions that I feel for him. It’s been a few weeks ago and I haven’t hear from him so I don’t think he will come back. I am not planing in contacting him (I need to admit that I’ve feel so confused if to do or not) but I’ve been following your tips and leaning back, so I guess things ended there. Well, reading the blog’s post and other’s peoples stories provides me with encouragement and hope, and I will definitive check on some of your other programs and even consider coaching. Thanks for all your awesome help for all us women! xxoo