Live Teleclass Next Week For Siren Moms!

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desertmomI’m in the process of creating a new program – my first in over 2 years – and I’m doing a teleclass next week to preview its contents and get your feedback.

My program will be called “Dating Secrets For The Siren Mom,” and it’s in response to your letters and questions about how to manage your family as a single mom – and STILL Circular Date and bring in a new, romantic, gorgeous relationship to your life and your family.

There are limited spaces available, so reserve your spot now–>>

Dating when you have kids has much higher stakes. Logistically, it’s so much tougher – finding the time, not “nurturing” your dates and instead being your glorious, feminine self, healing your heart from your earlier heartbreak, what to do differently the second time around, and how to know if this man is worthy of your love, and of your children.

In my teleclass, I’m going to give you a sneak peak of the program content, AND (here’s the best part!) answer your questions about this topic directly.

There are so many nuts-and-bolts involved here – a true “juggling” of so many needs from work, children, and often ex-husband or partner – it’s often YOUR needs that get short-shrift.

In this teleclass, I’ll give you many new Tools to help you create a harmonious, romantic and inviting family environment that will be so alluring as a “package” – you’ll attract the right man for you simply, effortlessly and as permanently (or fling-y) as you want.

This teleclass is not only to answer your questions and help you on-the-spot to get the most out your life, as it is right now – it will help me to listen to your needs and add them to the Siren Mom program.

Here’s how it will work:

The teleclass will be only $69, and I’m holding two separate classes on June 25th to give you options for your busy schedules. I know you may live anywhere in the world – and so I’ll hold one call at 11am PDT (Pacific Time) – and one at 5:30pm PDT. (Plus, there will be a recording available after the call is finished, in case you miss anything.)

Once you sign up, you’ll receive the call in information via email. From there, you’ll select which call (11am or 5:30 pm PDT) you want to attend.

Anyone who comes to the teleclass will get a discount to the full program once it’s completed (I’ll probably be releasing it sometime in September – October), so you can consider this teleclass a “downpayment” on the future program.

SPACES ARE LIMITED – The phone lines only accommodate a small number of attendees, so you’ll need to act soon to make sure you get a spot before I sell out. You are one of the first to hear about this opportunity, but I’ll be telling my blog audience and Facebook community over the next few days.

Dating Secrets for the Siren Mom” will NOT be included in My Complete Collection for at least a year, so if you are a single mom who wants to make sure you get it right this time around, you’ll want to sign up for this teleclass asap.

I know you may have suffered real heartbreak, and I want to do everything I can to help you heal your heart and create an even better relationship this time around. Moms in particular often forget about their own needs, and this program will help you reconnect to your wonderful feminine self, and give the tools to feel irresistible once again.

I look forward to “seeing” you on the June 25th call. The button below will take you directly to the shopping cart to sign up for this new event.

Love, Rori

 

 

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48 Comments

  1.  #1Millie on June 21, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    Hi all,
    I just wanted to share how I’m feeling even though I’m not a siren mom and my comments aren’t really related to this post, but it is the new post, so I will share here.

    I’m really enjoying my new CD “J.”
    Being with him and this experience is all new territory for me. Surprisingly, I’m 27, and this is one of the few men that has really shown me how I’ve been settling for average treatment with men in the past. I say this is new territory for me because in the past I’ve chased after men that weren’t right for me. Now here is this guy that has shown up that is pursuing ME. He makes plans, picks me up, pays, and is the most wonderful gentleman and very masculine when we are together. I feel very safe and relaxed in his presence. This is all new for me because I’ve never really “dated.” I’ve always done friends with benefits or just gone out on one/two daters that never developed. He is very communicative when we are together, but in between dates we don’t talk too much. I’d like to build towards a relationship where I am part of a man’s daily landscape, I feel patient that it doesn’t have to be that way NOW, but eventually of course I’d like that.

    The underlying fear that I have in myself is in my ability to create a strong emotional connection vs. a strong physical one. I don’t want this fear to pollute any interaction I have with him or any other men. I’ve read Christian carter’s book on attraction and also of course Modern Siren, but I still feel that I am missing a skill. I don’t want this feeling of missing something to “rule” any part of me or this new cd experience. I want to reach my full potential as a confident, siren woman. Any thoughts or advice on this?



  2.  #2Phoenix on June 21, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    this class sounds great!



  3.  #3Phoenix on June 21, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    This feels special and very valuable so I reserved my space. There are issues facing the dating parent that we don’t think about but just deal with. I’d like the opportunity to go deep into that.



  4.  #4luzydel on June 21, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    Today after going on a planned date with myself, I got a flat tire in the middle of a highway. I asked CaptainCD for help and he came to the rescue. It felt nice that I could count on him at that time and was very grateful and invited him for dinner since he didn’t want me to pay for the gas he used to drive to me.

    Then after dinner we talked outside for a little, but I got the impression he wanted me to invite him to my place. I didn’t and because he was already clear that he will never know what he wants out of this, I will keep it as a friend. Tomorrow CuteCd wants to see me, and he is sweet and all and he tries sometimes, but he doesn’t know how to manage time. I am sort of “Cdating” and I am afraid I may hut Captain… He hurt me a while ago when he said He didn’t feel like taking the relationship with me serious and that he rather be doing other things than to be with me. But I still feel bad if I hurt his ego or Cutecd’s ego.. even when these men have not yet step up to the plate… How can I enjoy the attention and not feel bad for getting it.



  5.  #5Tereana on June 21, 2014 at 9:15 pm

    Hi sirens!

    I just wanted to share what is on my brain tonight. And that is that I am discovering, on a near-constant basis, it seems, that the world is not nearly so harsh, evil, and judgmental as I almost always expect it to be.

    I suppose this is the by-product of growing up with a doomsday mother who sheltered me from the “evils” of the outside world because of how awful people can supposedly be. Ironically enough, it was her own toxicity which has been enormously damaging to me, on so many levels.

    Whereas, in the “outside world,” which was supposedly so full of evil and badness, I discover people to be kind, forgiving, and loving, even in the face of evil or negativity. Not everyone, perhaps, but the overall majority of people I find to be genuine and good-hearted. But my childhood “training” has me walking around even friendly neighborhoods feeling like I might get jumped. I am constantly anxious about making even the slightest mistake, expecting hellfire and damnation to rain down on my head.

    And occasionally it does. But more often than that, it doesn’t even come close. Yet I punish myself inside for the smallest infraction….

    ~

    Incidentally, my mother isn’t communicating with me. I can only assume that it’s because I dared to enforce a boundary with her. The horrors. (For her, yes. She cannot handle it, apparently. I’m not even sure she has a concept of waft a boundary is…) But I love myself, so it doesn’t matter. I did what I had to do to protect my space and my personal sense of who I am. So really, it doesn’t even bother me. I’m almost a little bit satisfied, because it means waft I did was effective. And there are still people there who support me.

    And the world is not nearly as mean as I often expect it to be.

    Which means she was wrong and she fed me lies.

    Kindness is the truth.



  6.  #6Tereana on June 21, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Mandy – to your comment from the last thread:

    I’ve actually read a lot of your posts. I even responded ton you in two long-ish posts on the last thread, but I mistakenly melded your story with something Indigo said, and so the posts were addressed to her – but they were meant for you! : )

    I don’t know the numbers, but hopefully you can find them ๐Ÿ™‚



  7.  #7Femininewoman on June 21, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    Millie one babystep at a time.



  8.  #8Indigo on June 22, 2014 at 9:17 am

    Millie,

    Easy does it. Reaching your full potential as a siren is a journey ๐Ÿ™‚ and just be sure to be kind and easy on yourself if you don’t “get it right” all at once. The fact that your man is showing up like that means he’s very attracted to you, and I have a feeling your work will be in remaining relaxed and confident and allowing the relationship to build. From my experience, slowly is best… and if you build a solid connection with him this will turn into daily contact naturally.

    Good luck, and enjoy ๐Ÿ™‚



  9.  #9Indigo on June 22, 2014 at 9:24 am

    I had such a fun date on Friday night with the guy I’ve written on here about who has taken me on two dates before… we did a double date with another couple who were fun and lovely and easy to be around, and we did ten-pin bowling, miniature golf and then dinner afterwards. The guy who took me on the date – I guess I’ll have to call him J – made all the plans, picked me up and paid for everything as he has done all the previous times. I bought ice cream for the two of us afterwards, as he truly had been so sweet and generous. He’s done everything right, and yet I just feel from myself that he is someone I could only have episodes with – enjoyable interludes that I enjoy for what they are and then I return to my life. I could never see myself in a long-term relationship with him. As much as I think he would make a wonderful husband, for me he lacks depth… and that is ok, for now.

    A guy friend of mine whom I have known for years (this makes me think of you, Andrea) has invited me for a one-night getaway to luxury spa in the country next Sunday. He’s wealthy and extremely generous, and this is meant to be a “post-quitting my job” unwinding session, I think.



  10.  #10Azure Blu on June 22, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Tereana,
    Sharing YOUR boundaries with your Mom and holding onto them…
    VERY courageous and Brave
    (((hugs))) to you lovely Siren!!!

    in my experience…
    The more I have discovered my boundaries,
    Shared them with the appropriate people (who needed to know)
    I began to trust MYSELF more,
    I could feel ME respecting ME,
    Caring for ME
    This all changed things for me A LOT!!!



  11.  #11Azure Blu on June 22, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Ignis #247
    WoW that all sounds so good!!
    ;->



  12.  #12Mandy on June 22, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Tereana,

    First, about your post about your mom – Tereana –

    Wow, I feel like you were totally telling my story too about your fears of the world and your mother. My mother did the EXACT same thing with me, and I have the exact same trouble out there, especially riding the bus.

    Riding the bus has hardened me, but I let it happen a little just so strangers couldn’t hurt my feelings. I have white-platinum hair I like to rock, and I wear loud, bright colors, so I’m naturally a target for people to try to come talk to me, so I always wear headphones and sunglasses to try to minimize that, but Rori does say in Love Scripts to always stay open, even to the scary man on the bus.

    Yes these are habits I’m trying to break, but as someone with severe anxiety disorder it can be ten times harder. I am going to see a therapist very soon though.

    Have you considered a bit of therapy to overcome your fears and thoughts of what might happen? It works wonders for my irrational fears that come from severe OCD I have – I literally used to be Chicken Little and thought the sky was falling! But luckily I got a no – BS therapist, and she totally helped me save my mental health. ๐Ÿ™‚

    About my posts and your responses –

    Thank you so much for your input and BELIEVE me, I have thought of taking a break, giving an ultimatum or something like that because I just think to myself a lot…even though he’s gotten his drinking under control, and he’s his normal self again, and no more awful fights…without the sex it feels like…God, I can’t live like this. If I stay put and don’t do anything, is that accepting the fact there’s no sex?

    I do pay he rent and I do feel stuck because and he lives with me for free because heโ€™s not working, even though he’s desperately looking for jobs and got an interview, and so I do feel like I โ€œcanโ€™tโ€ walk out. Exactly.
    But I do still love him to death too and don’t want him to go anywhere. I could stay at my parent’s house. That actually sounds like a novel idea. Brave yes, but I’ve been known to do many a brave thing or two in my life. I’ve done it before and it worked like a CHARM when he said something hurtful when we were first seeing each other, and then when I came back, he apologized profusely and loved me up!

    I know I shouldn’t say negative things about how bad I feel without it over and over to him, because it will make his lack of desire worse, but I don’t understand how if I feel bad, how I’m not supposed to say my feelings. Rori says to definitely do it, and I’d feel silly if I was crying and he asked what’s wrong and I said “nothing”. I guess I just don’t know how to talk about it without totally making him feel like less of a person.
    If nothing changes, will he keep not having sex because he knows he won’t lose me? Because after I move into my bigger new apartment I’m SERIOUSLY thinking of saying to him hey you’ve got this much time to figure out if you’re attracted to me or else you just need to find a new girlfriend…because I don’t know how much longer i can live like this. Five times in the past year we’ve had sex. No Siren in their right mind would allow that and I’ve been a freaking doormat about it, patiently being quiet about it and waiting for it to show up.

    But thank you for your advice, I feel a show of non-acceptance of this Non-behavior in DEFINITELY in order.

    If anyone including Tereana could give me some ideas of how to show non-acceptance of this behavior, please feel free to weigh in, I’m brainstorming and I am thinking about if it’s staying at my parent’s, a sleepover at a friend’s, or even a vacation by myself, lol!

    UGH, thank goodness for this blog….



  13.  #13Indigo on June 22, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Mandy,

    Is the sex problem – a physical problem on his part? a lack of desire? a side effect of the medication? a hormonal problem? a temporary problem? a permanent one?

    Does he *want* to want to? or has he just got other things to deal with?



  14.  #14Azure Blu on June 22, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Indigo…
    Fun Dates AND spoiling YOU spa…
    Ahhh… life as YOU know it Indigo…
    is sounding…
    Mighty FINE!!
    (:~>



  15.  #15Liquid Light on June 22, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    Millie, it sounds like you are moving in the right direction! It all sounds great! Only advice I have is to keep doing what you are doing!! ๐Ÿ™‚



  16.  #16Mandy on June 22, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Indigo,

    I appreciate your concern very much, thanks for asking. Judging from many things Rori and Dominique have coached me on, number one, he’s unemployed, two, just getting off alcohol, three, healing his depression, four, learning just now he doesn’t like himself as much as he should. It is definitely not impotency he says, he just feels burnt out on it, since he worked at an adult store and got fired from it. I understand all his, plus the fact his female babysitter touched him innapropriately. But when we first met, we had sex all the time, especially when he was doing well at work. I think all the time, or try to reassure myself it’s temporary, but I get so mad and sad sometimes i just can’t stand it and think it’s no way to live. The anger and sadness is overwhelming sometimes. I actually just spent awhile crying to my mom on the phone about it after the last thing I posted before this one. I have no one really to talk to about it except her and the Sirens, so I feel very lonely and alone. I can’t bring it up to him because it upsets and pressures him.

    I just don’t quite know what to do. My mom let me know I could stay the night tomorrow night. Should I take a page from Tereana’s book and let him know I need to go somewhere to release some stress?

    I think it sounds brilliant…little scared to do it though.



  17.  #17Sophie on June 22, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    There was so much going on in the last blog. I kept wanting to jump in and then got left behind! New blog is good ๐Ÿ™‚

    Mille – I think you are doing so amazingly. I was wondering as you’d asked what advice I may have and I couldn’t think of any so I imagined what Id say talking to one of my friends. I think I’d say being aware in itself is all part of the process – just stay awake and stay aware – we can’t change any faster than that but we can continue to gently bring our awareness to things – wherever we are starting to do old behaviours or go unconscious…

    Indigo – so lovely to hear about your dates – I feel inspired when I listen to the experiences you are claiming for yourself

    Azure Blu – I was relating to you on the last thread – I went self-employed a year ago also and am still building up a financial structure that actually supports me – it has felt so hard to be ‘doing what I want’ and to be in sireny energy when I’ve been broke – it is part of the reason I don’t really want to date right now ‘cos I want to feel that I am supporting myself, that I have financial freedom – All the little sireny things had to go out of the window like a haircut or even a new nail polish I’ve had to reign in my social life – I cannot so readily seize opportunities to get out and about or say ‘yes’ to things – still I wouldn’t go back…

    The sunshine helps me feel so much more in my feminine energy – I feel so much more flowy and floaty with the sunshining and pretty dresses and a healthy tan and a sleepy relaxed flip flop feeling – I love midsummer – it feels magical – It’s my birthday eve and as per almost always energy between B and I is a downer but I’m putting all my focus into me and how lovely it feels to have the love and appreciation of my friends and family brought into the light as they are sending me wishes and spoiling me

    I feel grateful and loved

    I feel resistant to men (poor men) – I am averting my gaze when they look at me – I am not being open – how different things would feel I imagine if I wasn’t still bound up in this house and situation with B … court case was cancelled until October – right now i don’t know my next step, my way out, that thought depresses me – I live every day in the day as I just can’t see my way



  18.  #18Azure Blu on June 22, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    (((Sophie)))
    Yes… Broke IS so not good!!!
    Yes… Summer Sun is Amazing!!
    I feel sad for you about the court case postponed till Oct….
    hang in there darling Siren!!



  19.  #19Sophie on June 22, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    (((Thank you Azure Blu)))

    Mandy – I would definitely go if some space would feel good to you? Does it feel important to tell him why or could you just go to hang out somewhere different? It might help you both be in a different space without any pressure of it meaning something when you get back?



  20.  #20Sophie on June 22, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Mandy I guess what I was getting at was if you just focus on doing some things for you and if space from the situation is one of those things – his behaviours might shift just because of the shift in your energy – without it being about words or ultimatums…



  21.  #21Sophie on June 22, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    Luzydel – I get stuck here too – I seem to worry way more about hurting people’s feelings than they do about hurting mine – hence I put myself up for the one being hurt – I guess it’s about learning it’s okay to put myself first??? xx



  22.  #22Mandy on June 22, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    Sophie, it feels a wonderful thing to do. I don’t feel I need to give him any other explanation than just having girl time, pampering myself, releasing stress, doing something nice for myself to keep my Valkyrie/Siren attitude alive.

    (I identify with the Valkyrie image, she can take care of herself and her business, and is dangerous, but she’s beautiful, mysterious, magical, commanding and untouchable, yet very beguiling and alluring as can be…I love that strong yet irresistible image.)

    I think my man would be happy for me taking care of myself.

    I’m just obsessing about how scary it would be to tell him that if he can’t give me regular sex, then we might as well be friends, because that’s kind of what we are without sex…roommates…buddies…proverbial guy-friends, especially because he likes to talk about other women to me because I’m bi yet I hate it sometimes when he does, especially when he hasn’t touched me sexually for months.
    I feel like, “Why in the world do you think I’d want to talk to you about how hot some other girl is when you withhold the basics of a relationship from me, sex, where we’re supposed to be the closest we can get to each other? How does that make any sense”

    But I can’t expect anything to make sense. People feel the way they feel. He chased after me when I went without telling him to the store just to see if he’d notice and he did. He asked me a few times if I’m ok. He made me an early little dinner which was sweet. He’s trying I know he is. But there’s some way I gotta tell him my feelings without pressuring him or making him dump me or run away.

    Sigh….So pressured…so confused…so under the gun and so anxious and so worried.

    I’ll be taking that massage this week, please…need it and am ready to spend the money…

    I want to lay in the grass at the park. I want to be in nature…I want to hike….I want to feel free….



  23.  #23Veronica on June 22, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    I’m not attracted to OwlCD, I don’t think I ever will be. I feel relieved about that. I want to have CD experiences with men I have some feeling for – to know the difference between ‘chemistry’ and connection.



  24.  #24Indigo on June 23, 2014 at 12:17 am

    Thank you Azure Blu and Sophie ๐Ÿ™‚ it’s lovely for me to notice that the more you progressively get comfortable just being in your own skin, and receiving from others, the more, little by little, things seem to open up to you.



  25.  #25Ignis on June 23, 2014 at 12:20 am

    Ok, now I feel nervous and that makes me happy! One week after the break up we are going to meet today, and talk and I wrote a script and what I wrote is freaking me out. Guess that means unzippering festival haha Not having control feels more exciting than ever.



  26.  #26Indigo on June 23, 2014 at 12:22 am

    Mandy,
    If you are going to talk to him, just be careful of where you’re coming from… If you express your feelings it can’t be with an agenda of getting him to change. Maybe you can put together a script that we can help you with, but just be careful that you’re not coming from a needy, desperate place. I only say that because interacting with a man from that place only might hurt you more (I speak from experience).

    In terms of him commenting on other women, I have never had a conversation with a man about that… I simply, with a sweet smile, make my excuses and leave the room. I’ve never really had to say much, guys seem to have got it over time, and refrain from making those kinds of comments. If he did ask, I would say something like “oh I didn’t really like where that conversation was going”.



  27.  #27Zia on June 23, 2014 at 1:22 am

    What a difference a year makes.

    It’s my birthday today. This time last year, I was pining over an ex who had been gone 3 months, playing games, trying to get him back, half way between being able to let him go and half way still trying to find a way to get him back.

    This birthday, I celebrated with an amazing boyfriend (who has the same birthday as me), in the best relationship I’ve ever had – both with someone else AND with myself, and the most confident, the happiest, and the most “sireny” I’ve ever been in my life. Yay ๐Ÿ™‚



  28.  #28Sophie on June 23, 2014 at 2:08 am

    I love that Zia!!! YAAYYY! Happy Birthday! I was thinking last night – next year – on my birthday things are going to be very very different for me x and so they will xxxx



  29.  #29Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 3:37 am

    Sophie darling Siren…
    Happy Birthday to YOU!!!
    I hope YOUR day was spent in the SUN invisioning ALL the great things coming YOUR way!!!



  30.  #30Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 3:43 am

    Veronica…
    I feel happy reading you have come to a conclusion about Owlcd, YOU feel at peace with!!!
    and that YOU are ready for new adventures!!!
    (:-}



  31.  #31Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 3:48 am

    Zia,
    Happiest of Birthday’s to you!!
    Your birthday sounds AMAZING!! and he has the same bday as you!!! :->
    Shine on goddess!



  32.  #32Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 3:54 am

    Ignis #25
    I feel excited reading your post!!
    “Unzippering festival”
    I’m loving that term…

    I’m feeling sunshiny bright for your meeting and all the lovely, warm Ignis connection you will be sharing with your cd!!



  33.  #33Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 4:43 am

    I had a date with MN last night… we hadn’t seen each other in a week… I didn’t miss him…
    I couldn’t keep my heart unzipped…
    I don’t like to kiss him…
    I felt crabby and ill tempered…
    I don’t like to cuddle with him…
    I complained about how slow he was walking…
    I don’t know…
    just NOT feeling any attraction…
    BUT he has all of the qualities I DO want!!!
    He is only 3 years older than me (66 yrs) and he looks ALOT older!!
    He IS active… works out everyday… runs in races
    but when we’re together he ACTS old!!!
    I guess the next step is to see him interact with my friends… See what they think about him…



  34.  #34Ignis on June 23, 2014 at 5:00 am

    I was wondering just now what did change in my head since last week and there are two things that clicked in place. I do not think anymore I miss something in what i do/way i behave for someone to like me. And I understand that relationship comes before my urge to be dominated by my fear.

    He called like he said he would, and wanted to go somewhere with his work instead, he said he forgot he was supposed to do that, I was about to go cold on him (which is so easy to do on the phone) but since I was not entirely awake I did nothing and then the feeling came, so after some silence i said the more time it goes the more nervous I feel about this meeting and so we meet today anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

    I remember that doing all the tools seemed so silly for me before, and now I crave them ๐Ÿ™‚ Unzipping festival and working the tools festival here I come.

    @Azure Blu he acts old? ahh, this sound familiar, outgirl him x1000 and go running yourself ๐Ÿ™‚

    @Zia Happy birthday Hugs!



  35.  #35April Rose on June 23, 2014 at 5:37 am

    Mandy,

    I really feel for you. So much. I feel your frustration and sadness in your posts.

    Until today I hadn’t heard that this man talks about other women being hot. That doesn’t sound like a lack of sex drive to me.
    If WM (the man I live with, who is in a somewhat similar place to your J) started telling me about his attraction to other women it would freak me out to the point of almost panic. This in fact happened when I saw he had made an appreciative comment on a mutual female friend’s facebook photo.

    I felt sick.

    WM appears to have no desire for me.

    I need a script, or to make a break. Or something.

    They can feel the pressure of our wanting. I’m sure it pushes them away further.

    Yet, how can a woman not want the man she loves?

    The question then must be WHY DOES SHE LOVE HIM? In particular, why does she love him more than she loves herself?

    I see both you and I acting like we love our love for the guy more than we love ourselves.



  36.  #36Dominique on June 23, 2014 at 7:59 am

    Mandy- 22 – We’ve talked about some of this before though knowing this doesn’t necessarily help you to feel better or wanted.

    When a man’s mission is suffering, i.e.usually his career, his goals, dreams, his journey has been stricken, taken away for whatever reason, one of the first things if not the main thing to go will be his libido. Add in his substance withdrawal symptoms, and there’s not much left at all.

    Hie weeping, his sadness, his depression is all tied into this. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you or find you attractive, sexy, desirable, he just doesn’t have any more left in him.

    And yes this can feel very difficult for a sensitive woman like you.

    This will eventually pass, as it has before, but the question is, are you wanting to wait. And no one can answer this but you.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  37.  #37Dominique on June 23, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Zia – 27 – This feels SO amazing to read. I feel so thrilled and happy for you. You’ve transformed, and it’s so beautiful to have seen.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  38.  #38Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 9:28 am

    Dominique#36
    I sooo appreciate all your insights you share with us on Siren Island!!!
    This is so kind and warm and makes soo much since!!
    oxoxo



  39.  #39Veronica on June 23, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Azure Blu โ€“ 30 โ€“ Thank you xx The strange thing is that later today he was asking where we stood โ€“ I love the timing since I have this clarity for myself. I feel free and relieved and sense that Iโ€™ll be discovering more of myself regardless if a man is in the picture or not. This feels good to me. I could sense the beginnings of feeling resentment with the continuing non-attraction. Now to get my words and explore how I want to tell him.



  40.  #40Veronica on June 23, 2014 at 10:33 am

    Zia โ€“ Happy birthday! That is a huge difference โ€“ and itโ€™s inspiring that things can turn around dramatically. I feel smily.



  41.  #41Femininewoman on June 23, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Zia!!!! woohoo



  42.  #42Mandy on June 23, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Thank you Dominique, Indigo and April,

    To top it off, last night, J and I went outside on the porch to talk about it, and guess what Interrupted us? The neighbor having impossibly loud sex. He got up and left, embarrassed, and I sadly ran and hid in the bathroom for about a half hour and just sat in the bath and tried to calm down while I could still hear the damn neighbor.

    April what you said rings true for me. Why do I think and feel he’s all god-like and crap? Like so incredibly hot I have to have him? I know so well consciously this is *SO* not the place to come from but it happens anyway.

    I am the most patient person in the world but I feel like I’m losing my mind.

    April…when he talks about how he likes an actress it does not sound like a lack of sex drive to me either, and it makes me so angry I want to blow a hole in the side of the world.

    However, having talked with Dominique, I am not certain, but I get the feeling she’d want me to come from a place of love and understanding; maybe him talking about a hot actress is a spark of hope, that the libido and attraction to the opposite sex and me is not gone, just hiding under some hurt and pain?
    Dominique feel free to correct me there if need be…

    It’s the feelings of mine that hurt so bad… The twisting, gnawing, weird feeling in my heart and stomach, like I’m falling really fast or like I’m readying to fend off an attack. The flight-or-fight.
    I feel when I come here I’m asking for an emotional hug, and I do get one, which is very comforting, but the feelings come back when I realize I still feel unwanted and untouched…
    I just feel so incredibly untouched, neglected and lonely and I want to cry so hard, and I feel vulnerable everywhere I go. I just thought maybe his libido would come back after he stopped drinking.



  43.  #43Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    Mandy,
    I was on Welburtin for 3 years (after the tragic death of my fiance in a car accident) this was 9 years ago…

    It does cause the libido to be less active…
    But, I still remember being quite horny!! ;->



  44.  #44Azure Blu on June 23, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    ooops I meant…Wellbutrin



  45.  #45Dominique on June 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Mandy – It could be he’s simply reminding himself of his own libido, and it could be he’s making suggestions for for you, as you mentioned before, BUT it’s not our job to figure out the why.

    I think it’s great you’re asking for a hug. Yay you!!! How about suggesting lying together on the bed simply holding each other in tenderness.

    xxoo



  46.  #46Mandy on June 23, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Dominique – Yes we do cuddle the ever living stuffing out of each other and I can feel the bonding. He doesn’t seem to mind if I lay naked with him. I also give him lots of rubs. He does lots of caring for me and makes me dinner and the intimacy that isn’t sexual is definitely there. Like I said, he ran after me yesterday too. It’s not that HE’s not there….just his fire is very dim.

    I suppose I need to break out some big guns here with loving myself…..big ones….

    Azure – I’m on a good dose of Wellbutrin and also another Tricyclic Antidepressant, and although it can interfere with orgasm, trust me, my libido is doing fine…sometimes I feel like it’s a curse how strong it is. Come to think of it this has happened before. With an ex. But he had different issues.

    Okay…patience is a virtue…grrrrr. I need to go work out some stress…back later…



  47.  #47Mandy on June 23, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    PS – Ladies…you have no idea how much your help and support means to me…thank you from the bottom of my heart…you are all awesome.



  48.  #48Tereana on June 23, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    Mandy! I know there is a new thread up. So I’m going to respond to you here, and then re-post on the new thread, so you don’t miss it.

    Anyway, I think you said it yourself – that you’ve gone to your parents’ house before to recoup and get some quiet time (or however you said it). And so I think you are on the right track with that. You don’t have to give up your rent or ask him to move, or ask him to do *anything.* Take it from me – and every other relationship expert out there: ultimatums DO NOT WORK. I’ve tried. And it seems like a great idea. But it is not. And if I ever had a hope of getting back together with M, I’m pretty sure that I do not have that possibility, because I pretty much broke up with him using an ultimatum. Not cool.

    But anyway. I digress…

    And actually, contrary to a lot of the info here, I might tread carefully with being overly emotional. He has a flood of emotions happening, and so think of it this way – if you start crying, then that alone is going to make him feel as if he is less of a man (because he is not making you happy). But don’t feign happiness either. If you need or want to go to your parents’ for a few nights, just be straightforward about it. Like, “Hey, I know you are going through a lot right now, and I just need some space for myself. I want to give you some space, too. I’ll be at my mom’s. Feel free to give me a call.” And if you do feel emotion come up, and it’s authentic, then sure, go ahead and show that. But I wouldn’t lead with the built-up emotions. Just start with the facts, and go from there.

    And another thing you can do which I just thought of, is – maybe after taking a break (like two or three nights at your parents’ house), and you come back – and maybe he happy to see you and maybe not – you sit down with him, and just ask him, “Hey, is there anything I can do right now that would make you feel supported?” This puts the reins in his hands. You are not “deciding” what he needs – he gets to tell you what would make him feel good. And this might even be a hard question for him to answer. If he doesn’t know, just say, “That’s fine. If you think of anything, just let me know.” And he probably will think of something.

    I think Dominique is right (at least I think she said this) that his libido is probably tied to how well he is doing in work and in life. So you don’t want to be responsible for him getting a job or something like that. He’ll only feel good if he does it on his own. But you can still let him know that you are supportive and that you are there for him. And, you could also say, “I miss making love. And I think you are sexy whether you have a job or not. But no pressure. When you are ready.”

    His libido might also be tied what he suspects you think of him, and he might assume that you will only find him attractive if he is the “breadwinner.” So if you let him know this is not the case, he might respond. Because conversely, feeling sexy might give him confidence to get a job, etc…

    OK, that was a lot of ‘advice.’ It’s not really advice. Just some things that I am thinking of and imagine they might work in your situation…or they might not. That is up to you : )