Long Distance Can Be Miserable – What If He Lives In A Different Country?

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If you’re not getting what you want, and feel stuck in a “long-distance relationship” – this ariticle from Natalina Love is for you:

The Question:

“Rori, the man I love lives in another country. He just visited me, then left. He says he doesn’t like my country, so he went back to his – but what does that mean? Why can’t we work this out? Desperate…”

The Answer:

Hi, This is Natalina Love – Rori’s Siren School Director.

I’m so sorry to hear that you are not getting the connection you want with this man in your life right now, and also very glad that you’ve found Rori and Rori’s work.

I’ve got a few thoughts for you…

First: What options do we really have in long distance relationships?

Long distance isn’t easy – even in the best case scenarios…

In a situation where your man tells you directly that he “doesn’t like where you live” – or just doesn’t want to move in order to be with you – that’s significant information. Don’t disregard that. 

Perhaps information that will feel hard to hear, and harder to believe – if you are waiting for him to move the relationship forward.

Yet – being able to accept what a man tells us about what doesn’t work for him, what he won’t be available for – that’s going to save you time and disappointment hoping for change that may never come.

If you accept what he tells you – while also looking at what IS working in the relationship, what feels good, where it’s easy for both of you to be ‘in relationship’ together, and truly feel like a great team – then the ‘hard to hear’ stuff – can and will help you have the relationship you want.

This is important – Please do not expect him to change his mind and move to you.

And please be gentle with yourself as you navigate trying to understanding each other.

That’s what this is about – better understanding and more intimacy, more closeness, more of the good stuff.

When you are together:

Where you can be together physically – That’s naturally part of the equation too.

What does this look like – what are the logistics of being together?

Beyond the wonderful romantic feelings and dreams…

Where will you both want to be, physically in the world, in order to have the kind of relationship you want? Where could you live?

And then another logistic here, what kind of timeline will that include?

These important logistical questions here… are full of masculine energy, and if a man isn’t bringing them up – many of us feminine energy ladies, either wait with hope and rage…. or try to ‘help him’ figure it out in ways that only push him away and erode the relationship, but that doesn’t have to be how it is for you.

Personally, I know it’s very possible to handle relationship confusion while staying feminine, open, warm – AND be assertive.

If you know you plan to live in your country, and expect your partner to join you – that’s important information.

If you are open to living abroad – that gives you some additional options, and “frustrated”, it’s neither better or worse than the other – it’s more a matter of what the relationship journey CAN look like.

So, considering this for yourself – what do you really want?

What do you see when you picture your dream relationship?

In your situation with a man you have feelings for saying he doesn’t like where you are, how can you really tell how much of a problem that is – is going to include how and where you do spend time together. and your skills of sharing what you do and don’t want too.

It’s hard to tell if this man is difficult from this single exchange you shared – but the information being passed back and forth is still going to be useful for you.

If you find out you don’t actually want the same things as a long distance lover…

There’s also the possibility that you discover somewhere down the line that you don’t want the same things – and a full time relationship just isn’t reasonable to ask of either of you – It may surprise you to hear that you don’t actually have to untangle your feelings for each other and ‘go your own way’ either.

If all you want is a casual boyfriend (perhaps several!) around the world – this might work fabulously for you.

Though that may not be what you want at all… and As soon as you are committed to the kind of relationship you really want – the way you talk about what you want, and respond to what men say and offer – that shifts too.

The fear, and dread of waiting for what you want….you don’t have to stay stuck in that place when you start learning these skills – and committing to the kind of relationship you want.

You’d be amazed at how happy men are to contribute to helping you get what you REALLY want.

Once you commit to the kind of relationship you want – then what?

From Feminine Energy – this is going to include what you can do while you are ‘waiting’ for a man to commit to the same relationship vision.

The biggest mistake women make in this ‘waiting’ stage – is putting all the pressure on one man to deliver.

Usually it’s because we think we don’t have any other options – but that just isn’t true!

This is something that I learned to navigate with Rori’s help, how to ‘circular date’ in a way that gets you MORE love – and never less.

(This is a prime focus of Siren School coaching – no matter what your relationship status is – and as wild as it sounds, you can do this as a high-value woman with total integrity.)

Simply speaking – with the most optimistic relationship view here, when your man has expressed having problems living where you live:

Eventually – ‘being together’ might look like, you moving to him, him moving you closer.

And considering this option, as a simple logistic – it will be important for you to be in a very good feeling, connected place – before you change your world (and then perhaps even citizenship) for a man who may not do the same for you.

This is where I advise an “eyes wide open” policy for yourself.

Men have been my kryptonite since forever – I understand the struggles…the frustration.

This is some of the tough advice – I know how easy it is to get swept away in the dream, and desire – and then have the disappointment hit hard when you’ve invested not only time, mental and emotional energy, but also significant money – where there’s not enough commitment or understanding – so again I’m really glad you found Rori, and Siren School.

So…What if you have a man in your life who is ready to be a good partner- and on top of that – he knows you are the perfect woman for him?

That’s what we want to hear…. And it really can be that way.

Love, Natalina

oh! For more help and coaching:

There’s The Monthly Feminine Energy Workshop  – the last Sunday of each month – here->

The Siren Community meets together over zoom for an afternoon. There are live coaching demos, working with Rori’s tools – small intimate breakout room coaching groups – and also worksheet and recording for the event to go back and listen to all of the aha moments.

Love, Natalina

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