Love and Blame

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redcouplefightingmedWho’s wrong? Is it me, or is it you? I’ve been trying to figure it out all day. If it’s neither of us, then who is it?

I’m triggered. I triggered you. You triggered me. We’re both upset. Someone’s insensitive. Someone stepped wrong. Someone did something! Whose fault is it? No one? How can I be disappointed and angry if it’s no one’s fault?

If it’s no one’s fault, then why do I feel like this?

Ahhhh. I get it. I feel like this exactly because it’s no one’s fault. I’m too nice to blame someone else. I’m too “conscious” to process backward in time and blame my parents, and my genes, and even you. So I’m hanging out here in space. So…it must be me. It must always be me.

If the Universe brings me what I want (even when I don’t know what that is), and I’m sitting here in yucky stuff, then I must want it. Ahhhh…I’m to blame!

Wait! If it’s good stuff, I’m a manifester of my powerful, beautiful destiny. If it’s yucky, I’m to blame.

This doesn’t go well with my success dressing. Definite clash of colors and tone.

Here’s a Rori Raye way to match yourself up inside, and share how you feel and who you are with your man.

A very famous New York acting coach, Mira Rostova, once taught me how to turn scripted dialogue into human emotions. Some would say it was a highly “technical” way to approach acting. We’d analyze every word, figuring out not how we, as actors, would instinctively say the words or play the scene, but how human beings would actually behave. One of her tools was something she called “The Admit.”

‘The Admit” is simply saying What Is. No emotion at all. A man asks us for the time – it’s two o’clock. He asks us about our work – we’re secretaries or teachers or entrepreneurs. Our man asks us nothing and we tell him the best way to get to the freeway. In life, so many of us live out the dialogues of our life in “The Admit.” We feel blank, numb, on the surface. We go directly to the facts. If we do this enough, we can forget we ever feel anything at all.

And then we start playing the scenes of our lives in other “chosen” emotions. If we’re in “It’s my fault” a lot, then everything we say starts with I’m sorry. If we’re in “It’s your fault,” then everything we say, think and feel starts with Why?

If we’re in “It’s no one’s fault, it just Is,” then what? Confusion, depression, blank, numb, a desperate search to find out Why and find someone to blame? Please?

Try something else. First, try Finding a Feeling. Yep. Anything. Could be anxiety, tension, confusion, emptiness (works for that blank, numbed out state), anger (works for that It’s all your fault place), sadness (works for that It’s all my fault place), anything.

If what you feel is Nothing (like in that song from A Chorus Line) or I don’t know what I feel, look again.

Is it really just “two o’clock?” Are you really just a job description? Do you really have to get to the freeway at all? If you really sink down into yourself, you might find yourself appreciating that you even know the time, or that he asked. You might feel nervous that a cute guy walked up to you and tried to make conversation.

You may actually find you feel something about two o’clockness, or about the work you do. And about the freeway, you may discover how odd and helpless it feels to really allow yourself to be a passenger.

Just because your first thought may be judgmental – either about him Couldn’t he come up with a better line? Doesn’t he know the freeway is faster? or about you I look yucky! – doesn’t mean you’re feeling angry or irritated, or that you don’t care if you ever go on another date with anyone as long as you live, or even that you’re “insecure.” You could actually be feeling scared, or uncomfortable, or overwhelmed.

Even if, in this moment, you can’t be who you want to be – you can be who you are. Even if who you are right at this moment is no one you can quite put your finger on – you can simply be where you are. And you can put words to that.

You can actually say, Oh, it feels so great to go without a watch – I don’t know what time it is! Or, It feels so great to wear a watch that works – it’s two o’clock. Or, It feels great to be almost done with shopping and it’s only two o’clock! Or, I get to feel like a kid teaching teenagers all day, or I get to have fun looking at houses all day for my clients to buy and sell – I’m a realtor. Or, in the case of the freeway, just say nothing at all and feel how uncomfortable that can feel.

And then see what happens.

What happens, always, is that the dialogue moves from inside us to out in the world.

Suddenly, instead of talking only to ourselves and behaving as if we are somehow different than we feel at any given moment – as if the men in our lives are not real people capable of talking with us – we allow someone else into the conversation.

Most of the time, we don’t even give the guy a chance. We decide what’s up with us, and then what’s up with him, and then we guess about how to behave, and then he bounces off that. Before you know it, we’re in a dialogue with no one but ourselves. Connection can’t happen until we let him in – not just into the conversation in our heads, but into the feelings in our bodies.

We are all movers and shakers. We all make things happen and stop things from happening. Sometimes we are triggered, and sometimes we do the triggering. The problem in assigning the “fault,” or the “blame,” or “the responsibility” is in trying to figure out exactly who got the ball rolling in the first place. Sometimes we think it’s pretty clear, and sometimes we guess and find out later there’s more to it than we saw the first time around.

Most of us only go to It’s all your fault because our first thoughts are It’s all my fault. Then, again, some of us go to It’s all my fault because long ago, we were taught never to go to It’s all your fault.

What if it’s no one’s fault, but it’s okay to still feel awful?

Can you live with that? Sure you can. Feelings are just feelings. They come and go. They do not define us. They do not relegate us to categories and descriptions and labels. Feelings do make us human, touchable, wonderful, magnetic and individual.

Instead of spending your energy asking yourself Why? first ask yourself What Am I Feeling Right Now?

If the answer to the question What Am I Feeling Right Now? seems to always be I don’t know, then please believe me, you have feelings. You may not be finding them just yet, but they’re really there. And there are great, wonderful, ecstatic feelings to be found along with the yucky ones.

Feeling is like breathing. Sometimes we hold our breath. Sometimes we forget to breathe. Breathing is simple to us, complex if you really think about it. Feelings are complex, and really simple if you think about it. Like breathing, feelings are not about Why? Feelings, even the absence of feelings, are about Right Now.

Mira was right that so many of us real people speak so much of the time in “The Admit,” whereas actors, wanting to juice everything up, want to find emotions to play. Be the actor of your own life. Find out what’s behind your thoughts, not by climbing up into your brain and asking “Why?” but by sinking down into your feelings and asking “What?”

When I left Mira and found another teacher, one who worked in a completely different and very organic way, I discovered many, many more layers of real human behavior than all of my “Whys?” could touch. It’s my life’s journey, and now my life’s work, to follow feelings, rather than try to put them in boxes with labels.

Find yours, baby step by baby step, and treasure them. As you cherish your own feelings, so will every man you meet, even one you’ve lived with for years.

It’s not a matter of whose fault it is. It’s a matter of how you feel.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Daria on November 14, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    I feel tense… not empty… tight in my face… i feel sad?


    i think i will not get waht i want

    whats behind that

    i feel… scared?



    i feel saad

    deep down under i MUST feel sad

    i dono what i feel

    i feel sad looking…

    i feel downturn mouth

    i dont feel tightenting chest and mouth crying out LOUD sad

    i feel quiet sad

    loser sad

    that felt gross sad and then angry sad

    and now i feel

    blank sad

    it feels good and comforting to feel blank sad
    like resigned sad

    not re sign sad

    resign sad

    give up sad

    no movement

    just rest sad

    rest sad

    a gray comforter of sad

    sad feels like cotton

    give up cotton give up

    too much energy to imagine good things happening to me

    stare at nothing out of focus sad

    leaning to the side

    and not moving
    much but fingertips

    sad like gray marble

    just a lil bit warmer

    sad like
    computer fan noise

    how powerlses a rock must feel
    when water comes and rushes
    and rips off his companion
    of a bilion years
    and then
    wears him down

    sad rock
    gray rock

    boring rock
    half way
    staring out unfocused
    to where nothing changes
    no matter what
    his rock self
    or how many tears he cries
    they never come out

    and mine do

  2.  #2Daria on November 14, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    I had this dream this morning:

    the guy (should I call him the guy i most want in the world?) or the guy i was in love with? or the guy who just had a baby?

    anyway we aren’t talking, but i was there with some mutual friends… and he was getting married… that day… he was in a tux.

    and he started talking to me… i was tryina practice the pond tool wchih i like

    so anyway it seemed to be working… he started talking nice to me and then said he wanted to have sex with me “one last time” . this is soo like him too

    so i didnt know but the truth is i felt so good and attracted to him just like i remember feeling

    and then i was doing the pond so he came and started kissing me and stuff

    and then i got really turned on

    and then he said well do you want to i said i dono

    so he kinda stopped and started straightening his clothes…
    nd then i wanted to actually so i was like wait i do

    i felt like i was leaning forward i guess

    so well it took awhile of me leaning back or pretending to and then he came over

    but i was tryna not do much so i didnt like take control of it and he was not totally into it so it was like 5 strokes and that was it

    and i was like ohh i wanna feel good too

    so then he tells me it doesnt feel as good as it used to, and also not like the girl hes had sex with across the street

    i figured cuz i didnt respond as passionately and just leaned back

    i said yeah it didnt feel connected… and he said yeah thats weird cuz usually i connect.. and i said yeah… i was tryna lean back and just let it be physical…

    and then well we were talking on the street and i was kinda drawn to him as usual but maybe a tiny bit more able to turn away

    i felt sad because he was anxious to get married so he was going to cross the street to his house to see his family and have the wedding and stuff

    so that was it and i felt sad (as usual)
    i felt like i would nto have waht i want (him)
    and the dream felt very realistic

  3.  #3Mary Ann on November 14, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    lol..Daria..I just read your whole post and seemed to have missed the first line where you said it was a dream. I feel bad I was feeling WTF! I feel guilty for yelling in my thoughts..I feel relieved that is was a dream.

  4.  #4Daria on November 14, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Hi Mary Ann… I feel defensive because maybe you were yelling at me? I dono I feel confused on what triggered you feeling guilty

    the truth is this couldve been reality and I feel sad to say it felt very real and I don’t know if I would not have responded the same way

    I WANT to respond in a way that feels awesome to me

    BUT i’ve been feeling sad all day because this dream makes me think, by being SO REALISTIC I mean DEAD ON that I am not powerful enough when it comes to the real deal dealing with this man

  5.  #5Daria on November 14, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    I feel defensive the truth is I don’t give a fuck if he was getting married…



    that feels like a lot of sobbing

    I feel sobbingggg

  6.  #6Daria on November 14, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    wow I feel surprised I actually managed to write that.




    ok weird maybe thats part of what i want is to be right


  7.  #7Daria on November 14, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    I got stood up last nite and today by 2 different guys that were at the top of my list…(?)

    well i told the one last nite that I dont know if i wana talk to him anymore and he basically said ok take care

    cuz he didnt call me to cancel didnt even call till like 2 am… and i had talked to him like all day for 3 days

    then the one today he was weird on the phone last nite like how am i supposed to get there, then said he will figure it out and now he didnt call

    i dont care who cares wait thats not true

    i feel disappointed and ANGRY

    i feel mad that i am circular dating MYSELF

    and I FEEL ANGRY

    I feel angry that I’m still dreaming about this fool that I am still IN LOVE WITH AS SHOWN TO ME IN MY MOTHAFUCKIN REALISTIC ASS DREAM!

    and then on top of that I’m not really dating any men just a whole bunch of men who want to show me their papi thangs which is ok but getting boring now

    the one guy who did drive to me i feel dispassionate about, he didnt even contact me after really


    I feel hopeless that I will actually date guys that I find attractive that WANT to come take me out and that WANT ME

    and then fuckin thing is I AM FUCKIN GORGEOUS

    loneliness you are my best friend apparently I will always have you girl

    I don’t want to be lonely but why dream cuz that SHIT IS NOT WORKING!!


    IT’s not WORKING. This is not working WTF.

    It worked good to make me feel better somewhat but as far as dating… um no.

    I’ve always attracted men so now I am attracting about the same amount, the quality has gone DOWN lately I dono wtf to do.

    I have it stuck in my head too that some people I know told me well this method (its not really a method) is not Really going to work because it hasnt seemed to work for anyone on the blog yet. I mean i know a bunch of us feel better but have we gotten what we wanted with men NO. Not quite have we. I feel weird and mad and afraid.

    Maybe I will listen to Targeting Mr. Right. Last time i watched it but didnt get to write the exercises I could write the exercises this time

    ALTHOUGH IT WOULDNT FUCKIN MATTER BECAUSE I AM DOOMED TO FEEL BORED AND SAD AND ALONE ALL MY LIFE AND THE MAN I STILLLLLLLLLLLLL WANT DOES NOT WANT ME UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I WOULD FUCKIN — Insert violent act here — but THAT WOULDNT FUCKIN WORK EITHER WOULD IT!!!!!



  8.  #8Daria on November 14, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    I notice that how I feel throughout the day has been dictated by my dreams. Ie yesterday I felt good after having good dreams…

    gonna meditate now I think meditating was helping me a lot when i was doing it once or twice a day

  9.  #9alias girl on November 14, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    i would feel suspicious of someone’s intentions who would try to discourage me and be negative about the current path i have chosen (rori). i would also consider the source. does this negative “friend” have his/her happy ever after?

    and also it depends on how one would define “work”.

    clearly, it has “worked” for me in many ways. one only need read my very first comments on this blog and compare them to now.

    no one ever gets “THERE”. ever ever ever ever ever. there is only expansion and desires and choosing…

    so would be the definition and proof of rori’s methods “working”?

    Marriage? nikita got a proposal
    ring? tinque got a ring
    dates? many sirens have had many dates
    less pain, more fun? sign me up for that because i am all over that one

    plus how many women are no longer in their *imaginary* relationships. or if they are, at least now they know what the deal is. does this count as “working”?

    i feel triggered by whoever would say that and that person sounds like a downbeat, bitter betty and would would probably do good to work rori’s programs and tools. 🙂

    people write in all the time telling rori how much she has changed their life and relationships for the better.

    i believe i will find My Guy. and i believe it will be luscious and good and long lasting. and i believe that will be, in part, from what i learned through rori.

    oh, also, the first person these tools “worked” on was rori, herself. or what, shes just pimpin out snakeoil for a quick buck?

    uh, my gut and every antennae i have is saying rori’s tools and programs have helped me when i was STUCK stuck stuck. i was a numbed out popscicle. which allowed me to continue to endure unhealthy relations/environments for Years—but did not allow me to truly enjoy my life or be in my body and feel all the yummy feelings.

    for ME, a life of success is a life of Joy. and i have experienced more joy since doing rori’s tools than ever before. even my set backs contain a certain amount of satisfaction because i am in my body and I am establishing boundaries and i have a “new normal” that i bounce back to quite quickly.

    I have boundaries. i speak up. that, alone, is worth the price of gold.

    what do you think?

  10.  #10Daria on November 14, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    I think that feels GOOD Alias Girl. Thank you for championing what has worked.


    okie dokie thank u thank u

    also I feel much better…

    my mom is asking me everyday how i’m feeling and I’m telling her a lil bit. I cried in her arms the other day and then I told her I felt mad at my dad saying it’s good that my grandfather died before meeting me because he wouldn’t like that I don’t trust in “western” or whatever medicine (I do to an extent but anyway) so I didn’t mention he had said all that

    but she talked to him and he said he would talk to me and now he did

    and he said he thinks my grandfather would have liked me very much, and even though he wouldnt have agreed about the medicine, he would have loved to talk to me because he loved talking to intelligent people…

    aww and then my dad started crying!! aww

    and I said hug and tried to be the pond and not go over and make him feel better but try to feel like a river is coming in my pond

    and my dad gave me a big ass hug for a long time and he was crying


    i felt kinda uncomfortable and i felt weird i kept worrying that maybe im being “fake” by being all sweet and also maybe unemotional looking… but ANYWAY

    it felt good

    and then we had a YUMMY dinner with YUMMY Stuff yes yes that my mom cooked really well

    and i paid attention to what my mom was saying even tho my dad would interrupt her to say random stuff lol

    i feel good

    ps before this I meditated and then listened to this 10 min hypnosis thing that relaxes me and almost fell asleep and then kinda semi slept for awhile

  11.  #11Tracy on November 14, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Great post….i feel so inspired by your thoughts on feelings…i feel glad that i am learning to love all my feelings both the good and the bad ones…
    I have done a lot of mechanical sort of responses and the men just sort of left me hanging most of the time and i often wondered why….
    Yesterday i was having a conversation with a guy and sort of went into feeling mode and just expressed what i was feeling and his reaction to me changed almost instantly….
    It really works and i could feel the connection and i felt myself being present…
    I am still capturing all my feelings because sometimes i feel blank and sometimes i can’t express in words how i am feeling….but i am sure glad that i can appreciate all my feelings and move to good feeling moments as much as i want to.

  12.  #12Tracy on November 14, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    I love that you can express all your feelings so well….i struggle especially with my really icky feelings…
    I can relate with wanting a man i don’t have….i have had this experience twice and it felt like a roller coaster each time.and by the way both men did in fact got married..i felt foolish and angry at myself for wanting what i couldn’t clearly have as the men had already made up their minds and i felt ashamed of sharing it with friends as i was scared of being judged….
    I would be lying if i was to say i am completely over it…But i feel that the more i let my anger and feelings out no matter how irky they feel the more i heal…..the more i move on to what i really want…
    I read somewhere that when those feelings of having or wanting something or someone i don’t have come up what i really crave is the connection i had with him and that feeling of love…not him…and the universe being abundant has more than enough options for me to have that which i desire…so whats mine is out there waiting for me.
    To allow it to happen i have to believe it can,and feel its reality…to think otherwise puts me in a limiting mind frame.
    I feel that my experience with these men was simply the universe telling me to believe and trust in it to bring me what i truly desire instead of focusing on what i thought was the right thing…I am learning to slowly let go and trust that the right man will step up…
    Thanks for sharing your dream….I feel connected to that experience and it makes it much clear for me now..

  13.  #13Tracy on November 14, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    ‘The Admit” is simply saying What Is. No emotion at all. A man asks us for the time – it’s two o’clock. He asks us about our work – we’re secretaries or teachers or entrepreneurs………..
    I feel that i am usually on this mode a lot of times…
    I respond to what is going on almost in automation and then i feel sad when i don’t feel connected to those around me…then i blame myself for not feeling connected and it goes on and on….
    I feel excited about working on feeling through life experiences and seeing how it goes from there…yay…I feel good experimenting and trying new stuff

  14.  #14Tina on November 14, 2009 at 10:57 pm

    I have to admit I do spend a lot of time in admit. Today I feel angry at a friend, not close but a close enough, we dated a couple of times, He did say he was interested in me and blah blah blah , i learned today that he was at his ex’s house fixing up her place ah well. He’s the guy with the gifts but I’ve come to know that he brought her the same shit lol. I feel almost manipulated well I do feel it but not so much, we never slept together , kissed , I feel good about this part. I am so sticking to Rori’s lesson on not making them comfy in my home lol. I feel the damage to my self esteem was minimal lol. stick to the tools, stick to the tools , stick to the tools, stick to the tools stick to the tools stick to the tools…

  15.  #15Tina on November 14, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    Do I blame him? Nope I thank Rori 🙂 I feel smiley and pleased with myself, my progress 🙂 . I do want to blame someone though hehe dont know who yet but yeah. I feel happy that I am on my side even though this revelation of his conduct has upset me a little. I feel really lucky to be here on this site.

    Daria, I’m so happy you and your mom are shifting energy levels, I dont feel so fortunate in that area with mine, I’m just “dealing with her” mostly in admit hehe. I do love her for some crazy reason:)

  16.  #16nikita on November 15, 2009 at 2:21 am

    Alias Girl,

    that was so relaxing and soft to read……loving.


    it felt so beautiful and brave that you expressed how you really felt in that moment…….and welcomed other perceptions….I feel so smily and warm being gifted to see such compassion in action 😉


    the angelic voice of reason….the extra bridge….just in case…noticing….witnessing…..

    I feel myself….smiling…amused…cheerful….and cherishing a trinity of spirits…thank-you so much for being vulnerable…authentic…..this is why I stay tuned….


    p.s. Daria….feels like it ALL totally worked on Dad…yayy!!!!!! for connection……..



  17.  #17nikita on November 15, 2009 at 2:22 am

    sniff-I feel almost teary…aaw shucks ;(

  18.  #18Daria on November 15, 2009 at 2:34 am

    Aww Hugs Nikita, Tina, Tracy, AG! thanks !!

  19.  #19Tracy on November 15, 2009 at 5:57 am

    Group hug…..I feel connected to you all…NIikita,Tina,Daria…
    Nikita….that was beautiful….thank you…

  20.  #20Linda on November 15, 2009 at 9:09 am

    Hi and happy Sunday.

    THis post is another good reminder to me to stay in touch with my feelings. I have been doing some new things. I am actually surprising myself.

    I found online and joined a couple of groups. The over 40 singles meet up is really active here. I had a few greetings from men on there but one contacted me on POF and invited me to a bondfire on Friday night. I had a huge fight within me. Dealing with my shy self and going where I did not know a soul. I almost stayed home, but I sunk down into my feelings and said… nope you want to go and you are not insecure, so I did….

    I had fun !…did not leave till 1AM. I walked in and the women just turned and looked at me. There were not alot a men there… probably 4 to 1 ratio, but they came up and introduced themselves. I had to go to the women and say hi. I thought to myself, if I am here I am gonna broaden my horizons and BE here. I feel proud of myself, stretching. I kept my focus on being me, just having fun, not worry about weather there was someone of interest to me there, I was successful in that all evening. I was ME and I was just BEING there. I felt authentic.

    I accepted a dinner invitation from the man who wrote me about the bondfire last night. He is really funny and nice. He is not what I find attractive in a romantic way, but we ate, then went into a different part of the restaurant and listened to live music and had a couple of beers.

    I practiced listening on level two with him and the more I did the more he talked. He wants me to “like him”… he was overfunctioning in his statements to me LOL… interesting how I picked up on them. He did tell me that he was VERY impressed that I would come to an event where I knew no one…he told me his friend thought I was gorgeous…. I smiled on the inside. You know I had on jeans and a long sleve shirt, nothing fancy on the outside… but I felt beautiful on the inside because, I was ME. It was a liberating experience.

    On another note, I broke my guideline and wrote a man on POF. This man is absolutely gorgeous to me. He wrote me back. Has written me several times in the past 3 days…we have talked on the phone. WOW… he is
    different from any man I have ever met before. Manly, (ex bull rider), lives on a lake, works 2 minutes from my house. If a picture can cause one to be smitten, I got bit. Now…I will take all the things I have been learning and doing and apply. I care if this guy responds well to me (which he has exceeding my hope so far) … but my challange will be to stay in my feelings, be authentic, BE me and all girl. I am commited to stating my feelings… just going to flow. THis time I dont feel nervous. I think going out on my own to that meet up group was a HUGE step for me.

    Today, I like me. I feel good about me and who I have been all along, but was burried under the rubble of junk in my life.

    Hugs ladies Linda

    PS I am meeting a different guy than this for lunch today, circular dating round 16 begins. wink! LOL

  21.  #21nikita on November 15, 2009 at 9:09 am

    Today I feel juicy 😉

  22.  #22nikita on November 15, 2009 at 9:14 am


    oohhhhhhh I feel……..envy!!!!!!

    I LOVE BULL RIDERS…….when I had cable I’d stay up and watch bull-riding competitions……..and I felt like I was going to just slide……off of my seat 😉






  23.  #23Mary Ann on November 15, 2009 at 9:50 am

    Hi Daria,
    Sorry it took so long to reply, but yes I was triggered…I was screaming in my head NOOOOOO!! I felt protective and scared and and bit judgy…that’s why I feel guilty. I don’t like to feel judgy because I have done many things people could judge me for. Big hugs to you Daria for being honest and open always, and I”m feel supportive of you and your parents.

    I have felt the same feelings of wanting someone to say “I want you!! I will leave her, you’re the one I want!”

    When he finally did say it, I realized that he would only leave her if he knew for sure I would be there. It didn’t feel right to me. I told him to leave and then we would start from scratch and I would see if we could be together again. He is still with her, I wasn’t worth the risk to him. His loss, he still pines but too bad. I feel sorry for his girlfriend.

    Alias girl, as I said before, you inpire me!! Things are definitely different for me too

    Linda, I feel YAY and RIGHT ON for you!!!

    Hugs to everyone..I feel connected too…aww lol…:)

  24.  #24Tracy on November 15, 2009 at 11:27 am

    I had a great time today with friends…i felt connected an i spoke in feeling messages…it felt great.I feel progress in what is going on with my life…i feel grateful for what is happening….
    I am slowly getting in touch with my icky feelings…i feel scared to express them in writing but i can feel when i am sad when i am scared and when i feel triggered….
    I acknowledge my icky feelings and i want to work with them and embrace them.I appreciate the contrast they bring in my life and i want to feel better…
    i feel content in where i am….i feel appreciative for the far i have gone..i accept myself and the progress i have made…i feel better saying this…i feel in a much better place…
    I feel resonance with what mary ann said…
    I too want a man to pick and choose me…i want to feel loved and chosen…i want to feel love and affection for myself in all areas of my life…i feel that i can love and appreciate myself even more and there is so much to love in me…i feel that i have neglected this…i feel grateful for this blog and i feel better now…i feel blessed…

  25.  #25alias girl on November 15, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    nikita i felt teary after reading your comment up there from last night.

    Connection is where it’s at.
    desire list: people i truly connect with in real life and who i hang out with and their is authenticity and acceptance.

    mary ann thank you. i feel inspired by you also. also i feel glad you didn’t give that guy a guarantee before he left his partner. bleh to that.

    tracy i also feel like you are this angelic voice singing out. i often read your comments and feel uplifted.

    i feel tickled with your adventures, linda.

    tina i feel inspired and strong to read of your circular dating.

    what is the message to me that suddenly i am attracting what are to me – repulsive men. not bad men but just WRONG for me in their physical appearance. I do not like weird facial hair or bushy facial hair. UGH. ew. i feel repulsed. so what is the message? why are my online men suddenly old, backwoodsy, handlebar-mustachey, or grizzly-bearded men? ew.

    i feel like in rori’s post. like my failures are “MY FAULT.” anything ick that comes at me is MY FAULT.
    ok, let me go to “what am i feeling right now”
    i feel apathetic. who cares, i never date any of these online guys anyway. I care, i want to find my guy. Yeah but i feel way more focussed on my financial success right Now than success in love. i feel discouraged and overwhelmed. i feel angry and self-blaming. i feel sad face. i feel angry. GROSS. i feel grossed out because these men trigger some unconcious reaction in me. i literally feel grossed out by them and i feel scared that i have something wrong with my vibe and then the more i feel grossed out by them, the more i will attract them. and i feel scared and out of control. and i feel trapped in a viscious cycle that is ALL MY FAULT.

    i feel the same way with finances. i feel TRAPPED AND IT’s ALL MY FAULT.

    how do i feel? i feel very self-blaming and disgusted. and sad face. i feel angry. i want someone to blame. i feel sad face.

    i FEEL FURIOUS!. I FEEL ANGRY THAT I FEEL ANGRY. THIS FEELS STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. why do this to myself? this feels ridiculous. i am going to start emailing HOT men. YUMMY HOT MEN. AND I WILL ask them out if i want and LEAN WAAYYYYYYYYY FORWARD so at least i change this disgusting vibe i have going on. GROSS ME OUT. i would rather feel rejected by hot guys or rowing for hot guys that being a magnet for men i feel disgusted by.

    I DESERVE LOVELY THINGS! I DESERVE TO HAVE MY DREAMS COME TRUE. the message is to complete ignore the crap because it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

    it just happens to be there on the buffet but I don’t need to look at it or smell it or wonder what’s in it or put a heaping spoonful on MY PLATE. BECAUSE IT’s NOT WHAT I WANT.

    AND this buffet is ginormous and i can have anything i want so i prefer to just BYPASS things i don’t want. i don’t need to make a fuss about them or activate them in my vibration. just say no, thank you. and move on the THE YUMMY DISHES that i like.

    thank you.

  26.  #26alias girl on November 15, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    i feel EXCITED!!!! hahahahaha. i am going to email these men that have saved me in their “favorites” but are just sitting on their bums waiting for me to row. FINE. watch me ROW. I WILL ROW. I DON’t CARE. I will get what i want no matter what it takes.

    i will report back on my rockstar ways.

  27.  #27Uschi on November 15, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    This is what I am struggling with too. Reading in the book to feel and tough everything – I tried that and what I got was – well duh its a knife – it’s the sheet I am lying on – it 2 o clock and I need to get going cause otherwise I am late – I am having a problem to sink into that and really feel cause it is so everyday – or I just don’t get it

  28.  #28alias girl on November 15, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    i made soup -almost- from scratch. it came out yummy but a little bland.

    a couple of weeks ago i tried to make hash browns. UGh. disgusting mess.

    and today i am cooking a pot of black beans.


    i feel excited. i have always wanted to cook. and i know i can i was just never motivated and now for some reason, little by little i am trying things. yae!

    desire list: a big kitchen. and friends and lovers to cook for and with. 🙂

  29.  #29Uschi on November 15, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    as a German and being darn proud of my cooking I can give you some recipes and also maybe teach you. Cooking for friends and family and seeing them dig in and enjoy what you put on the table is such a rewarding experience.

  30.  #30Tina on November 15, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    I feel suspicious lol, I am attracting unattractive confident men. Why? why? why? They are not so confident when I “do nothing” after a few dates they start to unravel a bit. They totally and completely do whatever for me, leaning back for me is good, I could “control” outcomes but it deosnt feel good or right for me. I can control these men, I can marry these men, they are at my beck and call all the time, if I wanted. I can manipulate and control for how ever long I wished. I would have to “lean forward” put out in some way, they want me to control them, each and every one of them, I could have “forgiven” mooseman, I could have made excuses, I could have called the man with the gifts of candy, leaned forward and wrapped him around my finger for a little while til I got bored. The man I am currently ‘dating” is like a puppy wagging his tail, tell me what to do, give me a treat, scratch my head, please, please , please. What is the common thing with all these guys is that they do something totally screwed up and expect me to “forgive” them. There is nothing to forgive, nothing to want, nothing to do, Watch some hot, sexy, cant take my hands of you gorgeous man come up and blow it all to shit lol. What am I gonna do then? of course the difference NOW is I have TOOLS hehe girl tools, feminine tools, feeling tools , vagjayjay tools, weeeeeee! So two or three dates later they eventually screw up? do I wait and see, instead of focusing on one , I have three or four to focuse on? I am focused on me, dont get me wrong, I have tools 🙂 oh and another thing I noticed is this, the first guy who did something kind or generous I would feel “worthy” yuck it pains me to say that lol. I married the last guy who showed me kindness and caring in the early stages of our relationship, he proved to be not right for me in a lot of ways, I didnt have tools at the time. Blame, I want to blame someone lol, I blame Rori lol, in a good way really. I do get mad at her, not really though, I dont know her, I cant say she screwed up my life thats for sure lol. I blame her for what? the truth? my reflection? the message?

    I have imaginary relationships with the men I have dated, like what if? what if this is my forever after hehe, then I wake up back to reality I go, when I discover things like, he bought her the same exact gift lol, or he was busy emailing another woman. Im the priority damnit! Im going on my treadmill now

  31.  #31heartbeat on November 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Everything has clicked into place for me. I’ve been reading Hold Me Tight – Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, which feels so liberating. The connection she – Sue Johnson – makes with attachment makes absolute sense to me – ‘needy’ = having needs + feeling bad about them. I have attachment, bonding needs – hurrah! It’s ok! I feel good.

    And brilliant though this book is for me – without Rori’s way of communicating and the tools she offers, I would feel at some sort of beginning place rather than feeling at an arrived place.

    I see certain things in my relationship differently, I feel compassion. No blame. I feel all sorts of things around my depressed man, and they are all ok. I communicate briefly and well. ‘I miss you. It would feel good to see you. What do you think? I feel scared saying that, I don’t want to push you away’. And he responds positively with feelings too – we are becoming very close and very romantic! Almost like an old-fashioned courtship, and that feels amazingly good. Yes, I do feel surprised!

  32.  #32heartbeat on November 15, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    Wierd thing is – I feel far more ‘independent’ than I did when I was ‘trying’ to be independent. Although anyone who knows me would say I was a very independent woman – own home, car, nice job, does lots of interesting stuff. Great, but I couldn’t let them see the aching loneliness inside or the feelings of fear and loss.

    Now all that has melted away. I feel truly liberated, I feel new.

  33.  #33Tina on November 15, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    I feel like pulling and stretching all my muscles. I feel tight all over. I feel my back aching, I feel my tight chest muscles wanting to be stretched, lifting light weights slowly feels like something I want to do right now. Stretching out all over, is what I feel like doing . A hot shower? yes pamper me after all the working out. My body is screaming take care of me will ya! ok I will, thanks.

  34.  #34heartbeat on November 15, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    PS thank you Sirens for the lipstick posts – I dreamt I wore red lipstick, put it on by a mirror in a garden and though it wasn’t my shade and was high-gloss (I’m a matte girl) I looked like a celebrity but it was ok (I’m quite private). I woke up feeling really happy!

  35.  #35heartbeat on November 15, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    The other thing is – I can HEAR him better. I used to jump to conclusions. I pick up that he’s actually giving, or doing his best to open a discussion.

    Ok got to sleep now – feels good to catch up and join in again, if only briefly.

    Love to all xxxx

  36.  #36Simply Shannon on November 15, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    I feel stuck in “The Admit”. I answer questions just like that. Wow. I am not my job. That felt really interesting to read.

    I feel non-chalant and blah today. Church was great again, and I felt such relief being there. I had tears in my eyes by the end. That part of my day felt great. But now, just blah. I dunno. I don’t have this huge desire to date. I just want to hang out with my friends and have real life connections other than dates. I’m feeling tired of worrying about meeting someone. I want to just date occassionally and have fun with my friends/family. I don’t want finding Mr. Right to be a focus anymore. I was feeling overwhelmed by it and now I’m feeling “over it”. I still believe Mr. Right is out there for me, but I feel tired of looking. Online dating feels impersonal to me right now. It would feel good to meet men in my normal life, which means getting me out into the world more without it involving a pre-planned date.

    It feels weird to re-read my post and experience how down it feels. My heart feels heavy. Shannon

  37.  #37alias girl on November 15, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    thanks uschi! i just may take you up on that! my black beans are yum though they are taking far longer than the bag said. i ate some anyway!

    i found the cutest home online. this feels like a GOOD sign. i have been looking at homes for a while and not a lot of them really sang to me but I just found two! in an area I would be willing to move to! YAE!

    i feel good.

    yesterday my ex crossed my mind and i felt a little guilty because i have left him sitting on a doppelganger horse. it’s like he’s sitting on this fake horse in a dark theater thinking he’s on MY real horse. when really i am on my horse alone galloping along in the light and cool breeze and taking in the world with my hair blowing in the wind.

    i feel a little guilty i have left him on the fake horse.
    oh well.

  38.  #38alias girl on November 15, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    big HUG simply shannon.

  39.  #39Linda on November 15, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    Hi… had a grand day with myself. I met the guy for lunch. UGH! is all I will say. He just talked and talked, I listened… we were there an hour. 50 minutes to long for me…. It is weird how men misrepresent themselves. He told me he was stable and a great dad, non smoker… had a great financial set up…. come to find out he is disabled, and on pension from the army and a accident settlement. Oh and he is going to file bankrupty and….. UGH! He said it was a pleasure meeting me. I said the same but that I was not really feeling any connection between us. #16 down.

    Bull rider in the corner. He is callin me honey and baby. Not sure what to make of that, nothing I guess. OMgosh he is so handsome. I love his voice. want to meet him really bad… (ok Linda lean back, take a breath) LOL

    THe guy I ate dinner with. Sent me this loooong email. WHy is it that the guys I do not find myself attracted to romatically … want me? I want to the meet up meetings but i dont want him to be the little puppy dog following me around and keeping others from approaching me. Yikes… I will feel my way through it. LOL

    Girls, today, I felt great. I wore an outfit I felt HOT in. My youngest daughter said..”mom, I am really am impressed that you are changing up your clothes, it looks really nice”… I told her I was trying… she said GO FOR IT!…. I wore skin tight dark wash stretch denim, some sassy new boots with heels and a really dark purple sweater and a scarf… I felt like a million bucks. I shopped and smiled, made eye contact with men and said hi to strangers. Something has come over me. I like it. I love wearing high heels… it puts that extra wiggle in my walk. heee heee

    Winks.. (cant wait to meet the retired bull rider) mmmm He is HOT. (did I type that). Oh yeah!


  40.  #40Linda on November 15, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    Heartbeat… I could not have typed it better myself. I there is a huge difference in those two states. I own my home, love my car, (my next one is gonna be a convertible) love my new job… etc etc… This year, I have had lots of bad sludge removed, some I cried off with my tears, some was peeled away (ouch!) some scraped off me. All necessary to get to the bottom of me so I can move on with my life.

    If I stay closly in touch with how I feel and express that, then I will keep my heart out of situations that will not yeild what I desire in my life. I figure the only reason that people have treated me poorly is because “I” let them.

    No more of that. My drama queen/warrior woman/ goddess is united now and wont let “me” go there anymore. It feels healthy. I am so thankful for all you ladies out here. Often you write things that I am feeling and reading them is like they solidify within me. It is validating to know that someone else is going through, dealing with, and trying to overcome many of the same things I am. It makes me feel normal. (wink)

    Hugs… Linda

  41.  #41Linda on November 15, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    Shannon… I know how you feel. Boy do I know!… I got off line for a few weeks, it did not feel real. I still dont know if it is or not. I was off until I had my internal shift and now I am back on. Going to helped me too. Yes it required me to do something different than I usually do but… I have always said that the definition of stupidity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results… so.. I am doing some things different and am going to stay on course with that. My attitude toward online dating is different too. I am sure that I will get out of sorts with it again and I wil just shut it down again if I need to. Sometimes the men are just a bother and I would rather curl up with a blanket and my dog and a bar of chocolate. lol

    Hugs to you.. Linda

  42.  #42laughing goddess on November 15, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Hello lovely goddesses. I so enjoy reading your posts. I feel connected and resonating. I’ve been mostly reading lately…haven’t felt the inspired to post. I’ve been feeling consumed by work. I feel great about some breakthroughs I have been making. I feel light and free. I feel aware of some limiting beliefs I have. I feel the pain that comes from desiring something and not believing I can have it. I feel inspired to make a list of things I enjoy and appreciate about my life and the people in it

    Much love to all of you.

  43.  #43Linda on November 15, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Okay, heads up Goddesses… I got manipulated and did not realize it.

    Bullrider guy sent me a text that was confusing to me saying that He guessed that he said all the wrong things when he opened up his heart in a email earlier today to me..because he had not heard from me all day!…. and he wanted to know if I was still fishing? (meaning looking for another man on POF) hmmm it was confusing to me since I had answered his email and text. So I sent a text back and said that I was confused, had been gone all afternoon with my girls and invited him to call me if he wanted.

    Later he text and said, he was glad I had a good day and would call me in a bit. When he called I said I was not sure what he meant by his comment. He said, dont worry about it.. I got the response I wanted. UGH!!!! I learned something about him maybe men in general. I flat out told him… “If you want to talk to me then call and to not speak in “Code”, plain english would work for me just fine.

    I am angry that I fell into being manipulated. It wont happen again. He admitted that is was inmature and I agreed.

    Is it possible that guys pull our chain just to see if it will stir us up and sooth some sort of insecurity of ego in them. hmmmm I wonder.


  44.  #44Mary Ann on November 15, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    Last night I had a dream that I cut my hair really short into a sort of spiky top super short hair cut. i started doing it myself with a buzzer. I have long curly hair and I’m recognized by my hair. The below is the analysis I found online lol!

    “To dream that you are cutting your hair, suggests that you are experiencing a loss in strength. You may feel that someone is trying to censor you. Alternatively, you may be reshaping your thinking or ambitions and eliminating unwanted thoughts/habits.”

    I vote for the last part!!

  45.  #45Ann on November 15, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Subscribing to post.

  46.  #46Uschi on November 15, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    Just ask and you can have a whole bunch of my special recipes.

  47.  #47Uschi on November 15, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    If both ppl in a relationship did not have a “normal” upbringing so to speak and have not seen while growing up parents who loved each other and had a basically good marriage – is that not a handicap for their relationships when they are grown up
    I never had a father and my mother hated men in general and he had a father who ran when things got uncomfortable and his mom apparently wasn’t much to write home about either
    So if there was no role model so to speak and someone like me at my age now is just now learning things like Rorie’s tools etc and just no becoming aware of things with many aha moments – how then can the other person in that relationship be made aware of that.

    Any thoughts on that?

  48.  #48alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:00 am

    first email: you’re really cute.

    my reply: I feel annoyed.

    it was my strongest, truest feeling i had that i wanted to express.

    if you read my profile (which he obviously didn’t, my response might make more sense) or not. i don’t care.

    oh wait this comment of mine just got interrupted by a call at 11pm from a restricted number. i answer the phone:

    her: hello


    her: who’s this?

    me: who’s THIS?

    her: this is so and so’s girlfriend.

    me: so and so? (i had forgotten about him and couldn’t place the name.) then i remembered. oh so and so. and?

    her: do you know someone by the name of so and so?

    me: I knew someone for like a day by the name of so and so some months ago.

    her: oh really.

    me: yes. why are you asking me questions? if he’s your boyfriend why don’t you ask him?

    her: oh.

    me: i mean really. the guy’s a liar. i picked up on that on day 1.

    her: really?

    me: yes. he’s a user.

    her: oh. (pause) where did you meet him?

    me: probably the same place you met him (the restuarant where he works)

    her: oh.

    me: yeah. good luck with that.

    her: ok, thank you.

  49.  #49alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:04 am

    really? this is my life? how so?

    and if all i want to be is friendly and connected with people why am i grouchy and annoyed?


    i feel super duper magnificently annoyed. i feel super annoyed.

    i feel i deserve much better than this crap. i deserve to live in a castle with a really handsome fun man and we hold hands and laugh and do stupid stuff together. and for some reason we are laughingly rich and we just do whatever we want, whenever we want. yes. this really is my ideal life.

    and we live for a long time and have great adventures. and we understand each other and have good sex.

    and we have a really nice castle.

  50.  #50alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:08 am

    uschi one can only be responsible for one’s self. i can’t change or “fix” or “help” another person who is not asking me to “fix” or “help” them.

    the best, most positive thing I can be for people is connected fiercely to my inner guidance system,my feelings and my happy ever after.

    if this comment sounds terse, forgive me. i feel very terse and it has NOTHING to do with you. you are lovely.

  51.  #51alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:17 am

    hahahaha this is what i just wrote to a guy:

    hi. i am looking for a boyfriend. if you are looking for girlfriend, maybe it’s me.



  52.  #52alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:18 am

    i didn’t write the hahahaha i just don’t care part in the email.

    cuz that would be weird. right.

  53.  #53alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:19 am

    hi. i want to learn how to sing. do you want to start a band?

  54.  #54Kaitlyn on November 16, 2009 at 12:22 am

    Just started my online profile. So far my inbox has 2 great guy and 30 fat asses that ‘b talkin 2 me like di$’ when it’s clear from my profile that I’m into educated white collar men with well-written snark. arrrrgh.

  55.  #55alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:23 am

    kaitlyn, i’ll take ur gangstas. 🙂 send’em to me.

  56.  #56alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:27 am

    and i can send you all my suited up white guys. what do you think?

    i feel amused.

  57.  #57Kaitlyn on November 16, 2009 at 12:46 am

    AG, I’m all for the siren suitor exchange program.

    Meanwhile, my crackhead neighbor is yapping on the phone and my room mate is on his and screaming at top decibel about business ventures and pipe dreams soon to fizzle pre-fruition. I wish he’d move back home to middle-America and stfu. I truly hate him and the ‘ding’ of the microwave. I’ve never seen that fat p.o.s. eat real food in his life. I feel annoyed. Triggered maybe. Pull the trigger to my head.

  58.  #58alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:56 am

    hehe. i feel bad laughing at your written angst kaitlyn but you have a sense of humor in your expressed misery.

    YES! the siren exchange program. this could work well.

  59.  #59alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:59 am

    weird though i just emailed a guy that i totally loved his profile and felt a kinship with by what he wrote. (kind of dorky but with sense of humor.) and he’s totally outside my type. and preferred ethnicity. and after i emailed i was like oh man he’s only 26. normally if the guy is young i won’t make the first move even if i feel rockstar because if he’s young i would usually feel more cougar than rockstar. but i didn’t realize this guy was only 26 until after i sent the email. well, that’s good i guess. it went out with the rockstar vibe.

    whatever. like i care. what do i care about tonight? that’s right. nothing.

    hey, do you want to be my boyfriend?

  60.  #60Tracy on November 16, 2009 at 3:23 am

    Alias….thank you…i feel encouraged….it really feels good to be finally intouch with my feelings…i feel different…
    I am starting to feel the really irky bad feelings especially when i go back to my past or i get triggered…i really how i would block most of my feelings to just try and forget…now i am allowing myself to feel every bit of it…
    I feel loved and i feel good acknowledging my bad feelings….what is the message….

  61.  #61Daria on November 16, 2009 at 4:30 am

    omgosh i just went thru some really cool stuff. I feel all teary eyed and excited and afraid to tell you all and to write it down for eterninty here it is it is born my babeay hehe hehehaw

    um yes i feel weird voiced and teary eyed


    i want to record this so it will become reality and start continue be real Heal

    so i was in the car theres more to that story but yeah the main part is i wanted to no i started to think about feeling gross and how i was feeling bad about myself and sick like throw up and i let myself feel throw up sick

    and then i kinda did some mental EFT but anyway i was thinking well i realized i felt SHAME and it felt gross and it felt like i couldnt take it but then i realized i WAS taking it and then i felt like omgosh im feeling SHAME and it feels gross and i dont like it

    and then i realized i feel SHAME when i feel not good enough for some reasone one of my judgements of why people are not good enough or something and i feel it a lot or often whenever i feel scared of myself im feeling this feeling of SHAME that feels not good difficult to “deal” with I am not feeling very easy to feel SHAME

    so yeah um

    I remembered this Silvia Hartmann story in this ebook she wrote the Golden Horse and teh stories are fairytales used for healing 9shes the emotrance founder lady soooo one of the stories is about a boy who everyone hates cuz hes bad but he goes to this crystal room and all the ugly crystals are saying all the bad shit about him and he feels horrible and barely gets out that is hes like frozen but he DOES get out and then he goes to another room and all these beautiful crystals sing beautiful things about him and he feels loved maybe he cries or something i dono but anyways he feels so good with the song with the good crystals and then he goes BACK in the bad crystal room and sings to the bad crystals as loud as he can his beautiful new song and the bad crystals finalkly start singing it too and turning beautiful and singing beautiful songs too and they are healed

    and i feel so tight writing this like my body is vampire screaming this text out

    and i used this story to realize like all the bad shit i say and judge myself with may not even be real like i may have thought i was a coward which was shameful but not necessarily true just tormenting mysel fan d feel like that boy if he can do it then its possible to start singing my good song from the good crystals and turn all my bad crystals to good crystals that also sing my good songs and are healed too and amazing goodness will happen from me singing my beautiful heart song and it IS possible yes it is and i dont know how but it WILL happen that i will get the good crystal song and sing it for myself and for all the bad crystals and heal them

    so yeah

    that related to me and the things that i felt shame about which were many yet mostly subconscious, tiny things, like not having a man on the way home, or swinging my hair a certain way that i deemed not attractive, tiny things that added to many things if you know what i mean

    but I can FEEL that shame and that is VERY BRAVE of me even the Goddess Kali told me I was very brabe

    I LOVE the pond tool the first time i read that letter a long time ago i didnt want to be the pond i was like pond equals too boring not enough action excitement so much sitting alone being pondlike and NOW i so get how rivers flow into me hehe i just look around at men and imagine them being rivers and me ponds its like almost impossible for that not to work cuz they dont look like ponds if i imagine them rivers

    uhm the second thing i realized that was amazing was i eftd that

    i want to be miserable because that makes me DESERVING

    deserving of love, of being loved, helped, included, honored, praised, it makes me WORTH

    i am THRILLED that i am so miserable I AM SO GOOD AT BEING MISERALBE that makes me fucking deserve all the good things because i am SO miserable

    yes i deserve the best, i deserve to go to heaven because i am REALLY miserable. I am as miserable or more than anyone i know or meet or i will strive to be because I WANT TO BE WORTHY

    and if you no I if I am not miserable than i aint shit. and i want to be shit. the shit. if you arent doing things than you arent shit and dont deserve all the good things

    but I AM MISERABLE yeah! thank GOD i am so miserable. I am on the right side of the fence, the right side of the line, I DESERVE to get everything good. YES YES YES!!!

    i am sooooo glad I am miserable i will be as miserable as possible i am tottoaly willing to be miserable if that makes me deserving and that makes me go to heaven. thank you god for blessing me and allowing me to be miserable

    and also i know that some people believe that they , you, I deserve good things when I am HAPPY and dont have to be miserable to PROVE that I deserve good stuff to PROVE that i am worthy that I am good that i am a good being that deserves everything and love too

    and like i said in the car if that is for my highest good than I am open to feeling HAPPY and deserving at the same time and to healing the belief that making me miserable makes me worhty thank u


    so u see i had quite a journey ladies it was great

    i feel shaken and awed by my journey

    i feel so good and wowed and now teary eyeed and hanging on to whatever emotion this is i love this weird feeeling that is i honor this weirdness that i feel it is really weird like i was retarded or something pardon me but i feel like im paralyzed maybe it s a past life thingy it feels like my head is thrown back on my shoulders and immobile its fucking weird and my froaght feels tight this just feels weird weir i am very curious and aninteresed about this is it is relaeasing wow

    i might have worked out this trauma

    i liked this one lady i listend to ehr eft thing she said whens shes going thru the hard stuff like the icky feeling stuff she knows something BIG is shifting shes about ot go to the next level (of happiness i imagine think assume and ) so she knows that if she can feel that out something BIG thats good is coming so that felt reasurring as hell as i was feeling my SHAME which let me tell you did not feel good except for me championing myself and telling myself I am brave for going “into” it and feeling it yeah




    and i ainteven something at all i aint never i aint never

    understand nothing was done for me
    an i aint even planning to call
    i aint neer i aint never


    there was stuff i figured out too about my feeling of i am not going to have what i want and how that feels infuriating and shameful yes shameful it wnet up into that like i am not one of the chosen ones of God to have what i want yeah and i felt well how would YOU feel? i felt angry yes i got to feeling angry whcih was different rather than just overcome yeah i felt angry of course and yes like i was miserable so that took off too

    that took off from them talking about dude having a baby bein engaged – rmeember how i dreamt about him getting married– he always wanted me to be his mistress and i wanted to get mad but i actualy wouldnt have married him as he was i couldve had his baby too but didnt but maybe would have but would have been terrified cuz i dindt want him cheating or making me feel bad ie miserable

    so yeah well i think i had heard someone call him and his fiance earlier anyway

    but it triggered me like i cant have wat i want wah feel sorry for me i am miserable and so i deserve your LOVE and ATTENTION (aha sounds like some baby stuff right there maybe this si from being a baby yeah just realized that) feels so interesting msyelf and being embracing of myself and feeling stuff out rather than thinking ie i FEEL LIKE THROWING UP rather than aah i cant feel this way i cant deal aah i am going to fidget and kill this feeling somehow i feel soo uncomfortable like asphyxiating feeling this feeling it feels icky i DONT WANT TO FEEL THIS i feel like im going to asphyxiated be sick be sick not be good i feel like im gonna be sick not make it be sick but its ok for me to be sick feel sick i love mysefl and i didnt throw up after all but boy do i have a lot of feelings hmmm

    i went to this seminar today and we leared this heart rmembeerence breathing with our hand on our heart we chant Aaaa Laaah and deep in our chest and it warmed up my heart so i was most likely better able to feel out my feeling sna di did that a lot on the way home and felt a lot of stuff not really feeling good or good enough and a lot of the its not working fears the i dont get what i want and hte Im miserable feelings and all that but see how deep i got in it that felt pretty cool

    and i realized when i was feeling good the reason was i didnt feel lonely because i was EXCITED ABOUT KICKIN IT WITH MYSELF cuz i kept myself having something amazing to do like healing or listening to cool shit like EFT sessions and other shit that had me feeling like yeah well i dont care about kickin it with that man cuz its gonna feel fuckin good to go home and hear that hypnosis session i know thats gonna have me on

    so yeah

    i realized i can kick it with myself and that will make me feel loved yeah when i feel juiced about kickin it with myself than i have that im independent and womanly powerful goddess feeling yeah and even tho its maybe quiet and pondlike it gives me the support to be loud and sea like when i want to like big ass waves that can sink man ships hehe

    i like that

    saw some cool women (and men) doing poetry tonite

    felt peoples vibes it was amazing how i could feel their vibes wither anger nervousness, fear, all nuanced hehe but it feels like my feelings i cant “lift” it like the cloud tool it just totally affects my feelings it wont lift so yeah that happens with my parents too so i get down when theyre down and feeel turbulent when they are i know its a gift and makes me powerful and i want power over it i woould say master it ok but in a feel good way i want to invent a new meaning for master master i want you to feel good like triumphing in a game ie winning a self game puzzle like rubbix cube = master thnank u

    master lock master puzzle master mind rubix cube

    food off the hook sushi

    mom was happy today after acupuncture she was JUICED she wanted to GO TO DINNER and even was goinna go alone with my DAD it kicked in for her so she said she aint felt this good in SIX MONTHS my mom was FUCKIN HAPpY yall man thats WASSUP.

    MY MOM WAS HAPPY DO ?YOU UN?DERSTAND WHAT A BIG FUCKIN DEAL AND HOW RARE THATS BEEN IN My liFE that has been miserable os i deeserve this and the things i want to desperatedly i desrvethme because i ve been so miserable and i can honestly say i have so if thats what it takes then i did it i did it idoiod it i pass i deserve them good job with the miserable ness i AM A winner I DO BELIEVE THAT GOD WOULD LOOK DOWN AND LOVE ME AND THAT IVE BEEN MISERABLE ENOGUH I SWAER HE WOuLD I AM SO NOT SCARED OF JUDGEMENT CUZ I KNOW IM GOING TO HEAVEN and THATS WHATSUP AND WORTH ALL THE MISERABLENESS IN THE WORLD AND I CAN EVEN DO MORE I VOLUTEER RIGHT NOW WITH NO FEAR I LOVE ME AND I WILL DO IT ALL RIGHT NOW YEAH YEAH IM BLESSED TO BE MISERABLE BLESSED TO BE MISERABLE

    mett you at the borderline woowaouh

    so thank you floating journal gods and goddesses godesses and gods for hearing me out yeah

    right one
    singing to the crystals
    down by the borderline

  62.  #62Flipper on November 16, 2009 at 4:37 am

    I felt so much connection with this post :

    “So…it must be me. It must always be me. If the Universe brings me what I want (even when I don’t know what that is), and I’m sitting here in yucky stuff, then I must want it. Ahhhh…I’m to blame!”

    “simply saying What Is (=) No emotion at all. …We feel blank, numb, on the surface. We go directly to the facts. If we do this enough, we can forget we ever feel anything at all.”

    “…If we’re in “It’s no one’s fault, it just Is,” then what? Confusion, depression, blank, numb, a desperate search to find out Why …”

    You may actually feel something about two oclockness ….”You could actually be feeling scared, or uncomfortable, or overwhelmed.”

    Even if, in this moment, you can’t be who you want to be – you can be who you are. Even if who you are right at this moment is no one you can quite put your finger on – you can simply be where you are. And you can put words to that…”

    “And then see what happens. What happens, always, is that the dialogue moves from inside us to out in the world.

    Suddenly, instead of talking only to ourselves and behaving as if we are somehow different than we feel at any given moment – as if the men in our lives are not real people capable of talking with us – we allow someone else into the conversation.”

    “Connection can’t happen until we let him in – not just into the conversation in our heads, but into the feelings in our bodies.”

    “What if it’s no one’s fault, but it’s okay to still feel awful?
    Instead of spending your energy asking yourself Why? first ask yourself What Am I Feeling Right Now?”

    …Find out what’s behind your thoughts, not by climbing up into your brain and asking “Why?” but by sinking down into your feelings and asking “What?”

    Find your (feelings), … and treasure them. As you cherish your own feelings, so will every man you meet
    It’s not a matter of whose fault it is. It’s a matter of how you feel.”

  63.  #63Flipper on November 16, 2009 at 4:43 am

    Heartbeat’s is among the success stories that touch me especially. I feel my feelings of admiration and gratitude for her presence among the posters helped conjure her inspiring, comforting presence today. Hugs to all.

  64.  #64Daria on November 16, 2009 at 4:54 am

    i wanna add two things

    one thing that helped was the lady from the heart centered business seminar : she said someone asked the dalai lama how can the world be a good beutiful place when bad horrible things happen like childern getting hurt and of course no one wants bad things to happen to children this feels tense and icky writing

    and he said that BAD things happen in order to ALLOW REALLY BIG GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN omg do you get it?

    i got it ! and it REALLY helped me deal with the bad things happen thing because as you know i was having a hard time accepting that the universe is truly benevolent ie friendy because of bad things happennign and then we thought about it and people said that yes when bad things happened to them good things did wind up happening out of them or challenged us trully to become better and have moer good things and yes this was true of me mobing to america or other things i imagined liike people coming together and helping someone hurt or some shit like triggering this horrible thing for the horrible act doing person to heal by attracting attention that they are doing horrible things i dono but i got that it is to trigger healing and healing in the world like the stuckplaces of healing the bad thing happens to throw them to the surface to be healed we are working on healing hte earth do you get it we are soul working at healing hte earth and bad things happen like big oweies but they get healed hta tway like the Goddess Birthing the Pain of the Earth remember her yes she is paining and throwing them up to become light omogsh

    oh and one of my dreams is flying and i use that to say see you cant have anything you want cuz you cant fly but i think i want to go hang gliding i think thats the kind of flying I want like the kind of flying i imagine i think hanggliding will satisfy that and ive been dismissive of it cuz i didnt want to go crashing into mountain rocks and dying but maybe i do want to do hangliding cuz i want to fy thats what i want

    i signed up for aviation at meetup dot come i will maybe fly around with a pilot in a small plane hehe

    LINDA i have never heard you sound like this I feel like i got a gift thank you for sounding so confident and open and happy and circular dating and freakin liking a man super much and just i feel no drag in your post at all just good good good i am feeling ummm i dono how to say like wow linda like when sandra dee in grease came in all dolled up hehe and i feel a lil malicious saying this like im one of the cool girls like rosie or something ie judgemental but i feel impressed Linda’s did it she’s cool shes really gotten it now thats wassup

    Mary ann i feel triggered that you said you felt judgy and protective like im wondering did you feel protective of HER or of ME I feel fast heartbeating holding my breath this is a trigger from highschool of something that happend with my best friend like advising this girl that was dating hte guy i like I feel tight and mad and I feel really glad you said that stuff about liking that i am being honest that felt really good and i feel really like accepted by you and safe

    i had this dream last nite of being in an airport witha girl and we were kinda stuck there and on the second floor was a prison, and guys friends of ours had left us at a lipstick store where i dropped the lipstick i wanted and couldnt find it and it felt frustrating and disappointing and then this old guy gave us a ride and i had took stole or soemthing his stroller and then was gonna give it back or soemthing so i was going thru the whole airport and the prison area i think it was a womans prison with the big ass strooller finally got it to him ran into the girl and some girls she musthave met htere and we were gonna leave the airport and then i woke up

  65.  #65Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:00 am

    the tool in this post has really worked for me in a differnt way

    like even under feeling shaky or distracted there is a BASELINE feeling of something, that if i was alone with myself of maybe a best friend or something i would admit to myself, but only if i really asked about it


    its really helped that when im feeling self conscious around people i can feel UNDER that im feeling Sad


    feeling good

    or afraid

    its UNDER not necessarily Logically connected to what things look like

    ie i might be in the middle of judging people and underneath i feel some other baseline feeling than the judging people would take me to believe

    so this has really helped me this baseline feeling cuz im around people and im feeling self conscious that this girl has her elbow and i feel her energy glancing at me but… I am able to feel that as a upper feeling and under that therese the BASELINE feeling of me feeling maybe… good. or afraid. soemthing

    does that make sense? i love saying that for some reason but sometimes i havent liked hearing it

  66.  #66Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:05 am

    it just happens to be there on the buffet but I don’t need to look at it or smell it or wonder what’s in it or put a heaping spoonful on MY PLATE. BECAUSE IT’s NOT WHAT I WANT.

    I really like this in your Attitude Alias Girl. It really resonates with me when i think about our take on haters on our blogs, cuz i like that you can just NOT smell it or wonder whats in it and ARE NOT ABout to sERVER YOURSELF SOME CUZ IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD. soemtimes i still feel curious about crap even though its not feeling good and that feels amusing as hell to a part of me that is literally giggling out loud and feeling good right now. but yeah the good thing is im realizing this and yes feeling curious is good and SO is saying NO to what doesnt feel good hehe we have CHOICES thats wassup haha i think both of us are doing it right ie feeling curious and saying no yeah both of those are good choices and that is really fuckin cool if you think about it hahahaahaa

    get it !!!

    they are BOTh gOOD CHOICES!! get it!!! you can do more than one good thing they BOTH WORK O FUCKIN WOW.

  67.  #67Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:13 am

    Okay now Sirens like Heartbeat are getting what they want. see wat i did with my ranting? i shifted the energy to receiving gifts. yeah.

    i rock. i will now take credit for everything amazing in the universe. even for you goddesses. i take credit. i take credit for your joy and indignation too. i created you.

    and you can have created me too. hehe. i dont mind actually cuz it doesnt bother me or affect me if you have created me.

    which is kinda cool. it feels good.

    oh i realized the feel better thing i got from rori was the thing about not feeling lonely cuz i was feeling excited to be by myself.

    tat was what i got except i had fallen off the wagon a lil or my horse went in the woods lol but now that i got another taste of it as i was deep in feeling my shame that i didnt feel like bothering thinking about what the men around me were thinking i rmeembered the feeling of being excited being by myself and realized rori gave it to me that is got me inspired to this place of beinggg not lonely by myself hehe so i will be back living in the place of being happy an dexcited being by myself so men will fuckin have to do a good job to beat me at making mysefl happy hehe yeah heheh eheheehhhhhhhhhhhheeeeee
    yeah i feel GOOD FUCKIN GOOD LADIES Heheheheheeeeeeeee

  68.  #68Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:17 am

    ‘needy’ = having needs + feeling bad about them

    Heartbeat i feel triggered thinking that ” i have ‘needs’ of sex” but i cant ask for them cuz i dont want to have needs of sex cuz i feel likeim gonna make bad choices if im going around checking for men to have sex with

    please explain from your heart centerd enlightened place how you would express this need or whatever it is ina way that doesnt feel bad

    so my heart can get it too dont worry you can do it just do it from your heart you know and it will go straight in my heart no problem

  69.  #69Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:29 am

    me: so and so? (i had forgotten about him and couldn’t place the name.) then i remembered. oh so and so. and?

    NoTiCE HOW ALIAS GIRL SAYS AND??? at then end. I want to be doing this and feeling secure and powerful I dont want tto feel tingly paralizyed constricted hit in my stomach and unable to “duel it out” but i will feel it yes i am ok with feeling it even if i dont want to feel bad


    that felt good and relieving to write

    powerful entities like angels hear my above and help me if you want thank you

    this for the first time gave me a script of how “normal’ people act when attacked by a woman that is you know what i mean i have struggled in this area

    also i realized that i may have had past life trauma of people laughing at me and torturing me attacking me you know cuz i get triggered by it and imagine like my sister criticizibg me or laughing at me and before that my cousin you know and its intense to where i can imagine a past life scenario like this

    also another past life scenario of all my sick feeling and wanting to not feel it and maybe feeling weak and sick and shameful like maybe i got raped you know that could be it i could sort of imagine that

    so i want to release all that stuff

    i want to release all that stuff out my body and energy electircity

    i want to release all that stuff

    thank u

    out my magic field

    tyhank you

  70.  #70Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:34 am

    Kaitlyin i feel very impressed by what you wrote about the pipe dream guy i feel curious about the cynical vibe i get and want to read more now i want to read a book by Kaitlyn

  71.  #71Tina on November 16, 2009 at 5:36 am

    I feel judging of myself today, it’s early here 8am. I feel unmatched, my body, my mind, my clothes. I’m noticing all my physical faults. The black head on my upper lip, my unwaxed armpits, my roots are showing, my back feels pain, I just feel out of shape all over. out of touch, out of every thing, I’m even out of coffee! Im way to focused on the negatives all around me. I dont even want to say I love my blackhead, because I dont, I dont love my hairy armpits, I dont love my roots, I dont love the FACT im outta coffee, I dont love these facts. I made a commitment that I will finally go to my course, I bought, I can do that right? pay for a course and not show up. I can buy a book and not show up. I signed up but didnt show up, I got an email yesterday from a company asking me , he said “quite frankly…Im puzzled. I finally showed up , good message but I was only half there, was a marketing discussion panel. I’m here but not really with bells on ok now leave me the fck alone, im listening yeah I got the message and you guys are great, love you all, just not here, someone send someone to show up for me please. Ill show up in my polka dotted fannel pj’s ok. It would require to much focus and Im not feeling ya babe ok. I’m just feeling half ass today. yeah I’ve been feeling kinda halfass lately. Will the UNiverse please find me a drive to my course today, I’ll do the footwork, like squeeze this damn blackhead out, I’ll wax my armpits, I might show up in my gympants I might not, if thats the best that I can do then damn it thats all your getting. I’ve got three hours to straighten out my shit, ok got it, straighten out my shit yup.

  72.  #72Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:38 am

    now that i think abouot it men kept wanting to come chill by me tonite hehe i was ponding and letting myself be me even swinging my legs and buying myself shots (jsut 2)

    oh and one guy was attractive like i dono if he likes me but at certain times it seemed like he was letting down his guard or getting more interested in me but im feeling him so im takin that as a sign that he must be interested in me first and im just picking up that VIBE you know


    so that feels good

    and then on the way back when he was either asleep or i thought he was i went into my SHAME and i felt good to be going into my shame so that was fuckin cool

    and i was ponding a lot and i felt my shame for not ponding when i didnt pond and it felt cool to feel my shame yeah

    do yall know how much shame i felt tonite i deserve a lot of good shit

    i think i am getting it now hehe cuz i feel pretty damn good

    and i eftd a lot too so that works to clear stuff out magically to whats good for me

    and i aint even trippin at alll
    understand nothin was done fo me

    an i aint evne planinn to call
    i aint neve i aint never

  73.  #73Tina on November 16, 2009 at 5:43 am

    Frankly Dude, I feel puzzled too, so were feeling each other here good. hahaha. ok I got to feel , feel this, feel this icky shit, alright im feeling it, oh what is that feeling? name that feeling? I should refer to docks list of feelings. Crazy B says just shut the hell up and go cover all that shit up, fix your shit and go walk like a rockstar out in to the world fck them! just do it! damnit!

  74.  #74Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:43 am

    Tina you sound sexy with the black head and armpits and roots i dono i just feel like fascinated by another persons life i feel a lil judgemental thinking now of this girl i know but still fascinated tina can probably pull that off well shes pulling it off cuz i felt like whoa i like this i wanna read more about tina i would read the tina book too yeah.

    tinas book has lots of men and tina being independent goddess reminds me of the girl from stella got her groove back all these men jockin beat steady rockin you can do it to from the stage im rockin

  75.  #75Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:45 am

    FUCK U CRAZY B I WANAN fucKIN HEAR ABOuT THE FEELING ugh i feel on the edge of my seat and i feel tingly waiting to see if i will fuckin get to hear bout it im feeling this feeling again i feel annoyed that i feel not in control of it even tho im in control of everything right i feel more relaxed

    i forgot my secret tool of no matter whats going on: relax,, ahh

  76.  #76Daria on November 16, 2009 at 5:46 am

    Crazy b u my **** u kno i love u.

  77.  #77Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:07 am

    hehe *Hugs, Daria. I’m doing my roots and I got a black head strip on my UGLY blackhead, it does look kinda like a birthmark sexy thingy lol. weeeeeeeeeee

  78.  #78Daria on November 16, 2009 at 6:08 am

    out of the eletter

    If you’re running ahead of your heart with a
    physical response — getting to passion before
    you “feel” anything emotionally…the connection
    gets shoved aside and the physical takes over…

    …and then we women, because that’s what
    we’ve been taught all our lives, quickly scramble
    to turn our physical feelings into bonding,
    emotional feelings for the man, tying ourselves
    to him hormonally and emotionally.

    this is what im feeling with the guy i liked tonite, wellim feeling attracted and i dont want to wait for him to make moves or for there to be attraction, i was thinking about moving forward physically before i FEEL anything like safety aha and get ahead of the connection and then maybe scramble


  79.  #79Daria on November 16, 2009 at 6:14 am

    So I feel awkward asking this

    If i feel attracted to a guy thats a friend… um do i give him a flirty look or just let him figure it out… i feel concerned i may be pushing him away by NOT giving him a flirty look

    i feel a lil lost

  80.  #80Daria on November 16, 2009 at 6:15 am

    oh yeah heart connection… i still feel lost

    flirty look?

    or no?

    just hold eye contact?

    what if hes just asking a random q do i hold long eye contact..? cuz that will probably tell him i feel interested??

    i feel like a beginner but hey

  81.  #81Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:15 am

    Daria, I want to call at least three guys, who will pick me up, at least an hour away, all of them, one will pick me up and probibly sit and wait for me while I do my thing at my course buy me a coffee whatever else I need, Crazy B would say yup thats it , just do it. Raise a little hell is playing on the radio lol

  82.  #82Daria on November 16, 2009 at 6:15 am

    Mr. Desire

  83.  #83Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:20 am

    oh and and ad just came on for the course im going too hahaha, this is crazy shit!

  84.  #84Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:41 am

    Daria, I have dealt with (felt) shame for a long time, shame of what? whatever, just shame and guilt. I am very familiar with those feelings of mine. For me what I would do when I started to feel those feelings was to DO something, provoke a situation, become depressed whatever, just wasnt feeling it, I didnt want to. Then my feelings of compassion for myself, my love for my feelings of shame is the key! Before I would not feeling my feelings of shame rather I would BLAME or have some other grandious type behavior. Anyway, its all good now lol. I still feel my feelings of shame from time to time, comes and goes, comes and goes,comes and goes, what do I do next time these feelings show up? hm feel them? yeah, I am not to BLAME my history, my family, my culture lol,

  85.  #85Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:43 am

    My roots are done! I look fabuous ahaha. the least I can do is throw on some lipstick and walk like a ROCKSTAR!

  86.  #86Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:47 am

    The Universe says, “Your the only you” or something like that. Dialup stucks, Im the only one left on the planet stuck on that shit! I just heard a message over the radio about a wireless internet connection I can get. I’m stuck between two hills lol. Hook me up!

  87.  #87Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:50 am

    I dont like my feelings of needing anyone! damnit! I like or at least I want to feel INDEPENDENT! but…dilema, I have no ride to my course. I live in the freakin boonies, i have no car lol.

  88.  #88Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:53 am

    I’m calling on the UNIVERSE to deliver me a drive. I FEEL well at least intuitively this will happen. I hate my feelings of feeling useless and helpless grrr. I HATE YOU FEELINGS!

  89.  #89Tina on November 16, 2009 at 6:54 am

    Ok, hair situation done, black head done. armpits next! if im feeling extra special , I’ll exfoliate my skin:) I feel motivated by my feelings today, MY YUCKY FEELINGS YIPES!

  90.  #90Tina on November 16, 2009 at 7:02 am

    ok, course instructor is there, check ahaha.

  91.  #91Uschi on November 16, 2009 at 8:00 am


    I understand what you are saying – however try to look at it this way also

    as I was not aware of the mistakes I made and actually were ingrained in me during my upbringing but then by good luck came across this blog and the help that Rori is putting out there with her tools and the help everyone can get here – this happened to come into my life simply because something happened something he did/said asked for if not in words but by hidden meaning maybe yearning he expressed or whatever – but it was a push and a strong one at that and I got it – I DIDN’T ASK FOR IT – it happened – and being in a relationship and loving that person why not return the favor for which I am grateful – I know you can not CHANGE another person or get them to do anything they don’t want to do – however, you can give a push back, create something where they have an aha moment or get them motivated to think, realize, analyze come to an understanding.
    Yes it is about making yourself better and getting in touch with yourself accept the mistakes forgive yourself and learn for the future – that’s where you start, however in a relationship it is not all about me it is about him too and if you learn something that will benefit both then if you love that other person you should share it so both of you can grow together – the question is how.

  92.  #92Tracy on November 16, 2009 at 8:02 am

    thanks for sharing about Shame…..I was blogging about this and the feeling of shame and disappointment about things that i have not achieved…I feel glad that i can feel my shame…i am actually feeling alot of my feelings lately its amazing….I feel joy i feel excitement and then sometimes when triggered by a past memory or i start to worry i feel scared i feel ashamed i feel guilty….
    I realize that i have felt so ashamed about me for a long time but sort of suppresed it inside….and yet even with the shame i still feel a love that still wants to come out and embrace me all the same….
    I feel happy that inspite of my irky feelings i can still connect with my outside world…i couldn’t do that before…i would just shut down and get a really bad temper and take it out on people….
    My irky feelings started to show today but i still had a lovely day all the same and i controlled my temperement and that felt really good…I have always wanted to learn to maintain a good temperement inspite of my emotions because my job demands it…but i felt tired of stuffing down feelings that i wanted to express…i feel glad that i am learning to handle it…

  93.  #93Tina on November 16, 2009 at 8:22 am

    My ex messaged me, he wants to know if I live at the same place and if my number is the same, what a goof, yeah buddy it is. The Universe says he isnt my drive lol, I would love to blame him for my current financial situation. He says he “thinks” he is going to file for a divorce next week lol, yeah ok. He wants ‘no problems” lol, yeah ok. I’m just needing a drive go away! I feel, I feel, I feel something.

  94.  #94nikita on November 16, 2009 at 8:28 am

    Tina! omg I’m out of coffee too…….I’m NEVER out of coffee…..I don’t feel like going out yet either… could this happen?

    puzzled face…….sigh

  95.  #95Tina on November 16, 2009 at 8:47 am

    Yeah Nikita , like whats up with that? haha it would make it easier if I had someone to blame!

    My back feels better, much better, my body feels a little more relaxed, I’m now out of my fav “pot eyeliner” dang!

    Oh the Universe is responding to my call for a drive! hehe thank you Universe, I LOVE YOU!

  96.  #96Tina on November 16, 2009 at 8:48 am

    Frankly, I feel puzzled…

  97.  #97nikita on November 16, 2009 at 9:11 am

    Ha Ha. I do have someone to blame 🙂

    roommate used it all up-asked me to go buy him hotdogs……and didn’t mention we needed coffee……

    But I don’t feel blame…..or blamey 🙂 I have gas I could go back to the store …. 😉

    “what we have here is a failure to COMMUNICATE”

    hahahahahah LOLOLOLOLOLOL…….


  98.  #98nikita on November 16, 2009 at 9:18 am


    I just listen while the guy is talking and feel him going up my shirt and caressing massaging feeling up into my bra……then I challenge myself to listen……and feel his hands all over me…….while maintaining eye contact and smiling….I love challenging myself to listen and feel turned on at the same time…….I’ve had great results with it-never had to make a move 😉 I just manifest move-makers…………..OUT OF MY MAGIC HAT! Ha!!!!!

    Shout out to Alias Girl 😉

  99.  #99Tina on November 16, 2009 at 9:42 am

    I’m off to my class, I just left a email for MAN to come pick me up at 5pm if he doesnt then ef it! He will be off my BIG FUN LIST! <<<<<<Alias girl, I love this hehe.

  100.  #100Mercedes on November 16, 2009 at 9:50 am

    Flipper: I love this “‘needy’ = having needs + feeling bad about them”

    I have needs…and I used to feel bad about them. I don’t anymore. Now I feel good KNOWING what my needs are and being able to express them without worrying about them. And now, those needs no longer feel “needy”…they feel strong and somehow independent.

    Uschi: I’m with AG in that we cannot ever “help” someone who isn’t asking for our help. The best possible way to share this information with someone you love is to show them the new you. There is nothing to be gained by trying to change them or even by hoping they will change. When you look into yourself, you will make the changes best for YOU (without thinking of the outcome where HE is concerned)…when someone loves YOU back, they will see the changes and will love and appreciate them and will, in turn, change how they respond to you.

    “however in a relationship it is not all about me it is about him too and if you learn something that will benefit both then if you love that other person you should share it so both of you can grow together ”

    You can share it by example. You can share it through couples counseling or asking him to read a book you’ve read or go to a website you like…but only IF he wants to change and grow with you. If he’s not ready for that, it has potential to push him away because it sounds (to HIM) like you are telling him what he’s doing wrong in the relationship (unless you’ve both already discussed how much you need to work on the relationship and you both are ready to do whatever it takes – and you’ve made that clear to each other). When you tell him he’s doing something wrong in the relationship (and he’s not ready to hear that), he’ll get defensive. When you concentrate on YOU and ONLY you….he’ll see those changes and will decide for himself whether or not he wants to change too.

    Does that help?

    Much Love,

  101.  #101nikita on November 16, 2009 at 9:57 am

    I feel like being married…..and I blame the guy that asked….. SO THERE!!!

  102.  #102Rori Raye on November 16, 2009 at 11:00 am

    Mercedes, this is great…Love, Rori

  103.  #103laughing goddess on November 16, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    oooo nikita, I love how you described listening to him while visualizing his hands going up your shirt.

    I feel hot and juicy! I love love live it. Going to do this today and let you know how it goes for me!

  104.  #104alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    xoxo to all the sirens xoxo

  105.  #105Mary Ann on November 16, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    xoxo back at you Alias Girl!

    Nikita I feel excited about trying to manifest move makers too!!

    Laughing Goddess..keep us posted on how this works for you 😉

  106.  #106Jo-Ann Downey on November 16, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    I believe that acknowledgement and acceptance of yourself (especially your feelings), others and what is is a significant prerequisite to peace of mind, patience, happiness and successful personal & professional relationships. No judging, no blame game! “Accept without Exception”.

  107.  #107Tina on November 16, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    He showed up at my class, an hour drive for me, with coffee, just the way I like it. He says I can borrow his other truck, I mean the one he drove me home in, the other one is full of decals and I’m assuming his fav. At least until I’m finished with my class. It felt so awkward for me to write on paper instead of type lol, not that my typing skills are better, just different lol, I found it difficult to focus on an actual book rather than stuff on the internet, I have ebooks. I used a pencil lol. I have a fav pen I use but I used a pencil 🙂 We even picked up a hitchhiker on the way back to my house. I feel, I feel, I feel to tired to feel excited about my day. I feel like I need a nap 🙂

  108.  #108Tina on November 16, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    My class has adopted a family for Christmas, I’m so excited to buy gifts for people I dont know, I dont know why, I feel happy and teary. The family will be well taken care of *sniff, this makes me so happy I want to cry for joy!. Little kids I dont know will get some presents from me, I can visualize their little happy faces, oh the perfect gifts time of year again. Oh and the mom I have to get something for her too!

  109.  #109alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    yae tina! how lovely. I feel so Moved by all the sirens sharing on this blog. it is so beautiful. i feel so grateful to be a part of it.

    i feel back on track. back on my ‘happy ever after’ road. i am attracting interesting job opps again. things i actually get a little excited about AND i think, “i can do that!” so YAE!

    and the man i emailed about me being his girlfriend emailed back ahaha. i haven’t read it yet. i just feel amused with my WAY leaned forward approach. heehee.

    and another guy and i had bulls-eyed with my superior alienation techniques responded back to my email i sent also. (I wrote that I felt disappointed that he had given up so easily. )

    anyway i feel upbeat and positive. and grateful.

  110.  #110Tina on November 16, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Alias girl , I feel all vibrating and in need of a nap lol, thank you. I feel like I WON the big prize , oh wait I am the PRIZE! I got to nap now haha.

  111.  #111heartbeat on November 16, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    Flipper – thank you, it felt really good to read your comment to me. I really feel like I’ve found the missing piece of the jigsaw.

    Mercedes – yes yes yes. I was the original author in an earlier comment of ‘needy’ = having needs + feeling bad about them. I feel hallelujah! and free after reading the book I mentioned, which gave me permission to have attachment needs. All my life I’ve thought I heard that having attachment and bonding needs were bad, that independence is the enlightened, adult way. Can I say bollocks on here? Thanks – bollocks to that. I love having attachment needs!! It explains so much. I don’t have to worry any more. And I hear my man differently. I hear the same needs behind his words, I hear his stumbling in the dark, I hear him making the same clumsy efforts at communicating as me.

    I don’t rush up to him and explain all this. I just FEEL different, lighter, not blaming, suspicions have melted away. I sink in to these delicious feelings of comfort. I have attachment needs. I will have them met. It’s ok.

    My words lighten automatically, and although I lean back, I find what I say more open in manner, less hesitant. I’m not thinking about what I say. I feel trust – and that is huge for me. I can make requests in a lean-back way.

    Daria I don’t want to tell you what to say! My sexual needs are about feeling connection, wanting physical contact, wanting to bond. So much feels non-verbal. I am not having sex at the moment – we are starting over again and it’s the sexiest feeling I’ve had in years! He is courting me. I like that.

    Uschi – my parents fought in front of me, I was woken up to watch. All I knew of marriage was pain. I thought children had no rights. So yes, that’s meant that at 50 I can begin again, but it’s a long time without the joy of a family, and I wanted a big family. However I find joy in my circle of people now. Isn’t it wondrous how we all come together to learn what we didn’t get to learn as children!

    One of the reflections I’ve had is this: I want to feel safe. What am I doing to be a safe person? In what ways am I an unsafe person to be around? I found these questions very revealing, mainly the first question. My answers are guiding me into newer, more free ways of relating.


  112.  #112heartbeat on November 16, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    I am off to sleep now – different time zones – hope to join you again soon Sirens xxxx

  113.  #113tinque on November 16, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    heartbeat – I’m so happy to have you back I’ve missed you and was just telling someone that this weekend. 🙂

  114.  #114heartbeat on November 16, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Tinque – missed you too! I will write to you soon, been thinking of you often, so much to tell 🙂 xxxx

  115.  #115Uschi on November 16, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    thanks 😉

  116.  #116Uschi on November 16, 2009 at 9:24 pm


    I love what you said about him having trouble communicating too and his stumbling – I found that mine ironically enough sometimes talks in feeling messages – like saying I feel frustrated or happy that “something” worked well – I did not hear that until I read all this here and Rori’s book – yet what he does say is precise and to the point or so it seems – sometimes I can feel some uncertainty behind those words especially lately since I have been listening more actively – I would like to ask and dig a bit when that is the case but feel that might be leaning forward -don’t want curiosity to kill the cat

  117.  #117Uschi on November 16, 2009 at 9:55 pm


    here is a good, fast and easy recipe

    for 4 ppl adjust if needed

    4 tender loin pork chops nicely marbled with a bit of fat otherwise they come out a bit dry
    heavy whipping cream
    season salt
    vinegar or lemon juice
    enough oil just to coat the pan
    few drops of Maggi (a liquid spice mostly available in the gourmet food section or foreign food – small brown bottle with yellow label – substitute would be La Choy soy sauce and only that one the other ones are no good)

    heat oil in pan till nice and hot – season pork chops with season salt to taste – fry in hot oil till almost done – add heavy whipping cream and when hot add a few drops of vinegar lower heat and let simmer for about 5-10 min stirring frequently – the heavy whipping cream will thicken to a nice gravy caused by the vinegar or lemon juice ( I always make a bit extra gravy cause I love gravy) when the gravy has thickened add a few drops of Maggi to taste
    Serve over home made mashed potatoes (or boiled potatoes) with a veggy or salad. Tip for the mashed potatoes – I always use lots of butter and a dash of nutmeg in it and instead of milk I use half and half – I know -very rich but it is soooooooooooooo delicious and we can sin every now and then – after all we are goddesses and don’t need to worry about the figure – right?

    Instead of heavy whipping cream you can use sour cream and forget about the vinegar or lemon juice but I prefer the whipping cream – there is a bit of a taste difference between the sour cream and the heavy whipping cream gravy – you have to try it either way and see which you like best.

    Guten Appetit 🙂

    Next time Roulladen with potato dumplings

  118.  #118alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    oh my goodness uschi you are so cute (and sweet!) thank you so much for that. how thoughtful. i feel very special. i feel receiving. 🙂 🙂

    i feel bad i am a vegetarian though. i can definitely use the tip on the mashed potatoes though. i made mashed potatoes once and everything that could have been wrong about them was. 🙂

    thank you so much uschi!!!

  119.  #119alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 10:37 pm

    i honestly don’t know about me. the guy i emailed about me being his possible girlfriend emailed me back and said something about just looking for casual blah blah. which is fine and understandable.

    i emailed back and said me dating different men is about as casual as i feel comfortable with,

    and then he emailed back:

    we should meet for coffee for a little chemistry test. take care.

    and then immediately jumped back off line.

    and i don’t know exactly why but i felt 120% turned off.

    i wrote back:

    “i feel lackluster and lukewarm already. i feel so over men who are a million miles away from where i am headed.”

    i just feel like i can FEEL people’s energy. and the vibe i got from him was some dude that’s going to be holding his d*ck for the next ten years saying wah wah wah wah and all the reasons he can’t step up but is completely open to low maintenance sex.

    and i could be wrong. but i got that vibe really strong and well. been there. done that. and like i said i feel 120% turned off and i feel like running far and fast immediately in the opposite direction.

    ah. i feel triggered. good. i love being triggered. good. i love when my worst, defensive side comes out and the side that fears i’ll never find my guy.

    and i feel quite unsuccessful with circular dating. i won’te let any of these guys take me out because i feel either too triggered by their lack of effort or too Bored.

    i don’t want to date men who have NO potential to be my mr right. I don’t want to do it. UNLESS i can enjoy their company. otherwise i’d rather entertain myself. or lament my loneliness. being lonely alone is far less painful than feeling lonely in the presence of a mr wrong.


    i love myself. i love myself. i am feisty and tempermental and too bad. i am a big portion of “too bad/not my problem.” take it or leave it.

    “little chemistry test” BLAH! oh will i “pass” your little chemistry test?

    i love that i am triggered. and i really do. for some reason i feel very laughing about it right now.

  120.  #120alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 11:23 pm


    people should be having bidding wars to see which network gets the priledge of airing The Alias Girl Show.

    my male suitors should be at the diamond store already, inquiring about my favorite foods, making reservations at lovely restaurants.

    i should be receiving checks in the maily daily for large amounts of cashola.

    are we clear, universe?
    thank you.

  121.  #121alias girl on November 16, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    mr do you want me to lean fean forward and ask if i can be your girlfriend emailed back. i didnlt open it yet but it probably says something like:

    wah wah wah you’re blah blah blah. i didn’t mean to make you angry. you sound like an angry person or some such crap. and then he’ll write something like wah wah wah. i was just suggesting coffee. wah wah. take care.


    i eat men for lunch.

    weds or thurs nite would be a good night for The Alias Gril Show.

  122.  #122Mary Ann on November 17, 2009 at 6:09 am

    Uschi…that sounds yummy!! I hope you don’t mind if I take that recipe down 🙂

  123.  #123Uschi on November 17, 2009 at 6:25 am

    didn’t know about you being vegetarian – I couldn’t handle that I need my meat – the way I do mashed potatoes is – peel them cook them in salt water then when they look like they falling apart drain the water add half and half and butter if you want some more salt you can add it now and then take a mixer and beat the heck out of it until it’s all smooth and creamy just be careful of not adding to much liquid cause by the time the butter melts you have to consider that liquid too

  124.  #124Uschi on November 17, 2009 at 6:29 am

    Mary Ann and all others

    recipes are for everyone – try it and if you like it save it

    I would just like to be a fly on the wall now in everyone of your homes and see if you fix this and if you like it

  125.  #125Uschi on November 17, 2009 at 6:41 am

    As you all know I am currently without a job – but I have my knitting machine – all I have to do is oil it and if Rori has no objections I would like to offer making scarfs for anyone of you who would like one. I can do simple sweaters or jackets too or round ponchos.

    I have loads of yearn in some basic colors and even a black real wool that should be washed by hand. Made a sweater with that for Dave that he wears all the time on the boat. When I made that 2 years ago I was thinking of warming him with my love. I made it longer than normal down past his butt and an overly long turtle neck so that he can actually pull it up his face.

    I also have some chenille yarn in orange black blue and off white. Winter is coming and so is Christmas – hmmm which brings me to the question – should I do anything for it, the way tings are right now or just forget about it. I really am not in the mood for Christmas.

  126.  #126DocK on November 17, 2009 at 8:49 am

    I want to watch the Alias Girl show!

  127.  #127DocK on November 17, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Have to say thank you to Rori and Siren Island Sirens for everything. Finding better ways to express myself and what I need in a way that isn’t clingy or judmental (of myself or the other person) – I feel changed from the inside out and that reversal of cactus to being strong inside and vulnerable outside.

    I have had lots of flirting with men lately – fun! When I am feeling insecure I think and feel the mantras – ‘I am the air that you need to breathe’ and ‘I am a man magnet – men LOVE me – they fight each other to get to me!!!’ HA HA – It feels weird and funny inside but also shifting.

    It’s interesting that there is a quote from someone somewhere about how courage doesn’t come from not being afraid but courage is feeling the fear and doing what needs to be done anyway.

    It’s interesting that we think of courage this way in terms of gigantic heroic acts but don’t seem to realize that it is also courageous to walk away from someone or something that isn’t good for us – to feel that fear of being alone for awhile (or even fearing we’ll be alone forever) – or of the unknown – or of dating or circular dating and do it anyway.

    I remember making my decision to move away from the city where I grew up to a place 2000 miles away. My cousin, a risk taker (and male) said, “Well, it might be better or it might be worse – but one thing you will know is, it won’t be the same as where you are now.” I made that move-afraid as I was.

  128.  #128jennifer on November 17, 2009 at 11:19 am

    I told B that i needed to see the content of the laptop because I felt left out. I didn’t understand how we were going to make two lives into one if I didn’t even know what I was getting in to. He said he needed to take things off of the laptop first. I said no…now with no editing or we’re done. He said no.
    I threw him out.
    I blame him for the end of the relationship
    I feel blamey….is that a word.
    I feel bad and empty and alone. and I feel like blaming him. He shut me out sooo long. Hiding porn and god knows what else. I feel good for standing up for myself and saying that I would get what I needed or leave. But I’m really feeling ALOT of blame toward him.
    I have made an appointment for EFT tomorrow.

  129.  #129alias girl on November 17, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    thank you uschi! are some kinds of potatoes better than others for making mashed? mine really did come ick when i tried. hahah but i think i may have used rice milk or some watery non milk substitue. they were so bad i didn’t eat them. blech.

    thanks dock! 😉

    jennifer i feel supportive. the good news is that anger and blame are higher up on the scale than hopelessness and depression.

  130.  #130Uschi on November 17, 2009 at 4:13 pm


    you can just use regular potatoes I usually use the big ones like for baking cause with as big as they are I have less to peel and then just cut them in smaller pieces for faster cooking – you also really want to put some salt in the boiling water for the potatoes to absorb some of it and remember to drain the water well or the milk or half and half will be somewhat watered down – you add the nutmeg when you whip them

  131.  #131alias girl on November 17, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    🙂 thanks uschi!!!! I feel smiley.

  132.  #132Kaitlyn on November 18, 2009 at 10:58 am

    Jenifer, so what if your guy likes porn? It’s no big deal and has nothing to do with his desire for you.

  133.  #133DocK on November 18, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    Everyone here has different triggers and boundaries with their guys. Rori and Mercedes aren’t up for their guys having female friends unless the women are friends of them both. Other women don’t have a problem with this.

    Some women don’t like their guys going to strip clubs – other women go with their guys.

    Some women feel insecure when their guys check out other women – some women will play “who’s hot – who’s not” with their guys (and they’re both rating opposite sex).

    We are all on our own paths and have different levels of toleration and, yes, insecurities.

    If something feels icky to a woman – it just does. She gets to decide whether or not it is something that feels mildly irksome or a deal breaker.

  134.  #134jan on December 23, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    Dear Rori,
    I am 50 years old and came out of an emotionally abusive 18 year relationship at the beginning of the year. I am coping really well, had therapy for the past year and now divorcing. In August I met a 46 year old guy and we just “clicked” – just talking to him for a while made my toes tingle! (Never had that before in my whole life). We both went our separate ways after a few days “fling” which was amazing. From then on, we talked every day on skype, sometimes for hours, and met up for a few weekends together (we live in different parts of Europe) until December, when he cooled a little. I visited him last week and he asked me if I was falling in love with him. I said yes – I thought he was feeling the same. He then said that as he hadnt fallen in love with me by now, it wouldnt happen and what should we do? I was devastated and upset. Since my return home, we have spoken by text, skype and he has phoned me (although not every day now), and says he misses me. I am so confused and dont know whether to continue talking to him as it really hurts. I am being a bit cooler with him and trying to get out more and socialise, but is this the right thing to do? (PS: I bought your e-book and have read it twice now, unfortunately I cant buy any of your other products at the moment).

  135.  #135Rori Raye on December 27, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    Jan, Welcome, and you’re still in the transition from abusive to loving and intimate relationships. You can just Circular Date and let him out of your “rotation.” That’s it. He’s asked for “out” – let him do what he wants. He’s not important here – you ARE. This has never been anything but Dating. when you practice dating and see how this works – you’ll feel better and start to get the kind of love you want and deserve. Love, Rori

  136.  #136Flipper on December 28, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Jan, I feel for you – the confusion and hurt. Those horrid feelings can be your cue that continuing to talk with him is not doing you any good (I don’t think Rori meant that you have to accept letting him interact with you even if that’s what he wants to do, but it feels lousy to you). Of course he misses your wonderful conversation and attention, but if that only inspires friendly feelings in him whereas you feel so much more, why put up with such an unbalanced deal? If you haven’t read them yet, look for the other threads on the blog about not being ‘friends’ – I know how impossible that is, because it completely denies my real feelings. (And in my experience, few men know how to be a good friend to me anyway – they just naturally seem to limit themselves to reciprocating only what the friendship does For Them even though they don’t consciously realize how one-sided it is).

    And yes, definitely keep up the socializing. Step it up to circular dating in fact, to get real therapeutic value over and above just entertaining yourself. Many more threads and posts from other Sirens about circular dating. Hugs and best wishes.

  137.  #137marya s. on March 5, 2010 at 8:42 am

    I feel so angry at my man.Whole yesterday he did not send me any e-mal or telephone.Just early in the morning he send med an e-mail which show the temparature where we are going to have vacation about two weeks and then nothing from him unntil he came home late.I was angry,i tried to anyway work over hat by going out and walk before he came home.Then when he came i was not angry but felt myselfdisconected,not loved and ignored.I could not change my way of being.I was quite,and said nothing.Later in bed i toled him i felt angry by not hearing from him all the they and discnnected.He said you could call in stead of this play you do,stay still,not to call.
    And i became more nagry on him.It is very difficult tolet go,not to call,not to take the step.But he feel i play,he wil that i would call.Then he would be the person with all and i was just going after him.He would say i will come home later,…but did not care about me anyway.I know when he did not call it was because he did not think of me,…
    And he do not call me,he do not touch me,he don:t kiss me but he says he loves me,…he says he will not marry me,….
    i am angry on him,angry because he is living in the house with me and it feels like collective,comes and goes,…
    I feel sad,i feel i do not find my power,…

  138.  #138Hypnotic on April 16, 2010 at 6:51 am

    marya s
    I feel sad as I read your post…How are you doing?
    My power comes and goes.
    I know I have it and that it is within,and you have it too.
    I read your feelings,and I feel sad…I hear that you are feeling disconnected and ignored.I hear you having trouble trying to let him know this. This might work…It worked for me. You just say:
    It feels good to hear your voice during the day,it helps me feel connected..I would love to call you,it is just hard for me to do when I feel so disconnected..Do you want to help me feel connected?

    Now my man said yes.So when he did call I told him it felt like tickles and sprinkles inside to hear his voice…He said,”What’s that?”.I said it was an all around goosebumpy warm bubbly feeling inside ….He said..”You get that from me?”…I said..”totally”…It was like a miracle.So many phone calls and emails.
    I still struggle with feeling messages,but
    I have seen how they work….They are powerful!!!!
    Now, no guarantees here,but I want to help today.
    I feel hopeful
    I feel bubbly
    I feel grateful for this blog
    It spreads hope and celebrates women as goddesses.
    I want to celebrate myself and other women.
    I want to spread hope
    I want to help,as well as be helped!!!!!!

  139.  #139Megan on February 7, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Rori talks about rowing and letting him row the boat.

    What if, after every argument, you are always the one to patch things up and initiate the talk.
    and if you don’t lean forward and let it lay on the floor in broken pieces, he NEVER picks them up.
    it’s as if the silent treatment will go on for days…
    is this a toxic guy? is this someone who is UNABLE to row and do relationship?
    Please, I’d love some insight here

  140.  #140Femininewoman on February 7, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Megan it might be someone who is unable or unwilling to the relationship. It could also be that he waits for you to do that because you always have. You have already established a pattern with him. Have you every used a feeling message where you let him know this. Here are a few cut and paste from previous posts that I have saved.

    2. “I’m just a girl here and I can’t deal without contact – it makes me feel unloved and unwanted….I don’t know how we can be together without some conflict…I don’t know if that’s possible. Is there some way we can work to resolve conflict more easily so that there isn’t like 2 or 3 days of no communication and anger between us? It would feel so good to be able to make mistakes now and then and somehow work our way through them. It would feel great to feel secured and relaxed that way, so I could love you without feeling afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing…”
    3. -“It’s important to have a relationship in my life where I feel like I can count on the man to be
    there for me, and to not constantly question our
    4. -“I want the kind of relationship where I feel
    loved, and I can tell the man I’m with loves me
    and isn’t afraid to show me.”

    6. -“I want to be in a relationship where I don’t
    have to feel like I’m pulling teeth just to talk
    about real issues in our relationship.”
    7. -“It’s important to me that I’m with a partner who is also conscious of the need to communicate and
    be honest with each other… and who can talk
    through even difficult things with love and

  141.  #141Megan on February 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm


    thanks for your response. I have tried feeling messages in the past during arguments especially. they don’t seem to work for he says
    “you can word it however you want but I know what you’re really saying [that it’s his fault]”

    I read and commented on rori’s post “don’t walk on eggshells” in the emotional & physical abuse section. this post seemed to hit the nail on the head, in that perhaps he is moody and this has much to do with him being triggered by me since I’m beginning to question whether he acknowledges/deals with his feelings at all. I don’t think he does…

    I feel at the end of my rope. Often times we do resolve and he is sorry and does come around to seeing it my way but it always takes too long, is too painful, and takes too much out of me. It seems inevitable it will happen again.

    He seems to be offended at the drop of a hat and so no matter the topic it’s like he’s pissed and insulted and you cannot get through and he does not acknowledge my feelings.

    I just dont know. you can read my first post here:

    thanks femininenergy

  142.  #142Megan on February 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    oops,meant to say femininewoman sorry! 😉

  143.  #143Starla on February 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Hey Megan, just wanted to let you know that the best place to get a response is in the most recent blog post. Even if it’s completely off topic, come join on in there:):).