Love and Memory

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glass-ballHormones are intuitive. Even when they’re nicely balanced, it’s as though they speak from inside – tingling, sparking, soothing, spreading calm or unease. I can’t remember my thoughts from an hour ago, but I can remember everything I felt in the last forty years. It all comes back, like high-speed footage suddenly set free from a dark can, resurrected, ready to leap into this moment as if it belonged here.

I can’t decide for sure whether it belongs here or if I made it up in the first place.

I can’t tell what’s a story and what’s real. Perhaps everything is a story, and every story feels real.

It’s as though the moments of my life I remember (and I seem to remember the same ones over and over again, like on a loop) are guideposts I use to hang my reality on. They take on significance they may or may not rightfully possess. But why? I ask. (And why am I just now in my head, asking Why? – stuff for the next issue.)

And then I suddenly know why. Because they bring with them a feeling. It may be a yucchy feeling, a sad, dreadful feeling. Or a glorious, happy feeling. (But most often a yucchy one, because right after the glorious ones, the yucchy ones seem to follow.)

And I don’t know why, exactly, I’ve conjured up this or that particular memory with a particular feeling, except that, every time, it’s something I’ve seen before. It’s something I know, something familiar. As though dread, horribleness, sadness, loss is so familiar it’s comforting. And, I’ve noticed, when one comes I instantly tune out what’s right in front of me. I stop looking at my daughter. I stop seeing my husband. I see only the computer, the words on the page, and no heart at all, anywhere.

So that’s it. I can, if I want, create a continual stream of loss by allowing old losses to deprive me of what’s here now. And next year I can remember this moment as one that passed me by. And then, the next year, I can just pile them on, and continue forever, and never live my life at all!

I realize I don’t even know exactly what I was feeling then. My memory is colored by what happened after. I can’t always remember what happened. I remember walking through my father’s rose garden, smelling flowers, and then judging them – Miss America style – for beauty. I remember doing that, and it seems long ago and far away, but the feeling – that part feels like right now. See a rose, want to examine it to see how it measures up in comparison to….what? Another rose? And I feel that now as such a waste of time, and – I must have been lonely and I must’ve been so judgmental….and perhaps it wasn’t like that.

Perhaps I was totally in love with the contest of rose petals and blissfully, single-mindedly immersed in my occupation. Perhaps it wasn’t about judgment at all – it just looks like it from here. Perhaps it was about appreciating beauty, and deeply examining each petal in such detail I could be one. Perhaps it was my Zen experience. Zen and the Art of Examining Rose Petals.

What’s the memory, the memory of a feeling, that keeps infiltrating your mind and heart? What sends you backwards, away from wherever you are? What’s your tradition of longing – of unfinished dreams and hardly recognized wants? And how can you stop the old pictures, dressed with increasingly new interpretations, from interrupting you? Even while you’re reading this?

You can. And you don’t have to. Much of my work tells you to Stop. Stop talking, Stop thinking. Stop doing. Stopping gives you a moment to breathe, a moment to see what’s around you, a moment to feel. So let’s say you’re in the grip of something that’s wistful, that’s pleasant, or that’s plain misery-making. Instead of trying to Stop it, in order to be in the moment, try something else.

Try making it bigger.

Try just being with it, and with what’s right in front of you at the same time. We’re talking about just Being.

Let’s say you’re working on a project, and all of a sudden, your rotten last Saturday night date comes to mind, and then before you know it, you’re into the rotten date three months ago, and then you’re back to your rotten ex, and then you’re back to being a girl with no date for the prom.

The pictures (I adore a healing modality called Holodynamic Tracking…I won’t go too far with this now – but ask me) might be flooding in from other people’s lives, from your ancestors, from what you’ve seen on film, from the Big Bang. They may have absolutely no meaning for you now, except for the feeling they’re able to bring with them. Why fight them?

It’s as though those pictures and feelings and memories are stuck in a time warp. They take us back in our minds, and bring our hearts along with them. Sometimes it feels wonderful, and sometimes it feels awful.

Instead of taking yourself backward, try bringing them with you into the present! Incorporate them into who you are now. Let them grow up. Treat them with compassion, as if they are no longer you.

You can be who you want to be now, not who you think you were then. You can take yourself and all you’ve learned backwards, maturing the thoughts and pictures and feelings as you bring them forward into the life of this moment.

You can, like me, be, not judgmental and cold, but resourceful and focused. You can be, like me, not lonely and quiet, but curious and enchanted. You can be what you want. You can be what you say you are.

I am a lover of things and animals and people, of detail, of molecules, of what is. I am in my heart from the moment of my birth and before, and I get to start fresh every split second, no matter what.

You can be a child and a grownup, helpless and helpful, wicked and glorious and angelic. All at the same time. All the time. Even the time that seems like it came before. Every moment, you get to start over.

Love, Rori

132 Comments

  1.  #1tinque on November 11, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    Each and every moment is brand new and beautiful to be savored as the richest of dark chocolate. Yet it’s never gone for good, for it lives on inside, enriching us…
    xxoo



  2.  #2Linda on November 11, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    This post Is Timely! I awoke early this morning and lay in the bed thinking. Oh, another day is before me. I am tired of them being the same as the last. I am tired of being alone and patient about it. Instead I thought… “I am gonna have a break through day” I am believing in that and not gonna ask for more numbing medicine for my ache…. I remembered back to the time when I woke up next to the man of my dreams next to me every morning and would snuggle in for one last complete body snuggle before I had to get up to get ready for work…. I spent the day busy but later, just as I was about to clock out I was hit with this overwhelming desire, I was aware deep down in side how much I miss almost crave to be held, wanting to slide next to a man and smell his skin and feel his warmth. I physically felt hungry for touch and connection. It was not mental at all but physical. wow It feels all girl to me and this awarness has let me understand how I want to feel with a man. 100 % girl. I just though to myself ? BOY, do I miss the physical presense of a man in my life. These feelings let me know what I need to feel with I am with a man. It was a revelation to me to be in touch with this physical desire and then wrap my thoughts around it to discern what it was. I am in touch with something inside me that in completely independant of being driven by emotion today.

    I was remembering back today too of how I have felt in the past, that is it possible to be 100% relaxed in my own skin and share myself without reserve to another human (male). I did not feel sad but instead I brought those feelings to today. They were not attacted to a emotional memory of being with someone in particular or sadness that I dont have that person to be with anymore. It was beyond that, a deeper level of physical awarness. I really dont know what it means but it feel significant and I am sure that I will understand it more as time goes on.

    I love the idea of bringing everything up to this moment, choosing to do that, instead of digressing into sorrow or yuck and hanging there in it. I often say that everything in life is an opportunity to learn, good and bad. I thought about the last man I was interested in and cared for… I thought about how I felt with him really…. I did not feel good with him, not able to be my true sexy, confident self with him. I want to feel that with a man. He kept me off balance, sideswiping me with his with his comments and his one day “you are perfect for me and the next you are not enough… It was like trying to stable on a foundation of sand. It was impossible and I was crazy for trying to do that.

    So my memories today, all varied are here today. I did not go back to sorrow of loss, or swim in the yuck. I feel happy tha I have had my experiences because today instead of dwelling on loss and the sorrow it brings, I was glad that I know what I want to feel like, and they are not attached to any one man, sorrow, loss etc. They are simply here with me today and I am going to make a place for them because they are empowering me and directing me to secure a relationship in which these needs and desires in me can flow unchecked and just BE.

    Linda



  3.  #3Flipper on November 11, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    That felt so beautiful to me, Linda.

    Where do I still feel that physicality is somehow secondary? Even my mind knows better, so I will bring those yearnings up to today and out, radiate them out.



  4.  #4Tina on November 11, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I feel clueless 🙂 I have no idea what you all are talking about, HELP!



  5.  #5Linda on November 11, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    THanks Flipper, in a really weird uncommon way it felt beautiful to me to.

    Tina: I just became deeply aware of physical need and feelings today that were not attached to or driven by emotion. It is like were at my core, deeper than emotion. I did not feel like crying because I dont have anyone to be with and am alone. I did not cry because of my perceived loss and absense of a man in my life. Instead I just embraced and acknowledged and made peace with and desire in me. That is all.



  6.  #6Tina on November 11, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    Thank you Linda. I just feel confused about the whole new Rori post. I am trying to comprehend 🙂 I’ll try again later, I’m going on my treadmill 🙂



  7.  #7Tina on November 11, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    I feel like punching them all in the face now grrrrr.



  8.  #8Tina on November 11, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    Oops, that was for “online dating”



  9.  #9Jennifer on November 11, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    I feel so aggravated.
    B came home early from training….he is injured.
    I did not know he was coming home today. I thought the weekend.
    I went to his parent’s house to pick him up..I thought he was looking at porn. He swears up and down he wasn’t. I told him that I felt my heart break a little.
    Later after dinner I said that I would feel happy for him to grab some stuff and come spend the night with me. He immediately had excuses…he wants to stay up and watch tv, he needs to get an early start…etc.
    I said…if that’s what you want. He says “fine, I’ll get a bag and come over”
    I refused to allow him in my house. I said I will not spend one minute feeling like I have to force people to spend time with me. He kept trying to say he’d come and I put my foot down and refused. I told him he can try again tomorrow.
    He complained that he can’t seem to make me happy. I told him I was feeling annoyed that he has not seen me in two months and is not enthusiastic about spending time with me. He can try again tomorrow.



  10.  #10DejaVu on November 11, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Frustration!! Trying my best to lean back, stop emailing, ‘be a pond’……nobody is leaning forward….been 10 days and not a word. Is this hopeless or is he slow? Also, how do you handle the ‘leaning back’ during the holiday season?? Hate to think of going ‘no contact’ during the Christmas / New Years season. Ugh! Frustrating.



  11.  #11Tina on November 11, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    I’m all for Zen and the Art of examining rose petals, I do it all the time or do I just never get anything done? I tend to do things on my own time, my time , Tina time except when I have to do things requiring my immediate attention. I’m feeling you Rori 🙂 past feelings true or made up who knows? I lived it, yes, I can say it is true/real.

    “Treat them with compassion, as if they are no longer you.” <<<<< I like this. I cant seem to shake the sad feelings, but treat them with compassion is exactly what makes all the difference. Showing my self compassion is truely loving myself. Anyway I feel confused again lol. be back later.



  12.  #12Sasha J on November 11, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    each moment is a new moment
    and sometimes it feels so easy to slip into ‘feel sorry and guilt and blame mode’
    and sometimes it feels powerful to realise that there is no right or wrong moment.
    we might spend infinite moments feeling tight in the chest and spinning in the head …..replaying every minute detail, rationalizing every moment from every angle…feeling so constricted like my eyeballs might pop out….
    i have been feeling like this the past few days….i left my guy 2 weeks ago…if some of you remember i put up some desperate posts weeks and a couple of months ago about taking care of a cheating guy who was going in for an op….
    treats me wonderful, wants marriage and kids with me, but has a habit of low self-esteem needing to be propped up by online women especially when he feels low and bored….last night i told myself i was an addict and he was my drug….so i feel that voice of empathy for him a little softer, and feel my love for me unwavering….i feel alot of guilt and cruelty because he seems like a lost-puppy with a loving heart but he is not good for me……….Rori and anyone, perspectives welcome……
    So I have been feeling my head swing back and forth, trying to understand, and feeling my head lost in feeling wistful and guilt and have i been too harsh? but i feel drained.
    thanks to this post, i am remembering there is no right or wrong moment, and no matter how many moments we ‘lose’ trying to ‘get it back’…’it’ being the last fleeting moment of clarity i felt…..even though i feel like i always slip into trying to capture a moment (like stopping a bullet ‘Matrix” style…and then examining that bullet from all angles……….any moment i remember to breathe and lean back while letting my boy-mode guide me back to , say, work and task at hand and saying ‘no’ to going over for ‘talk and playing with our dogs(i miss them dearly but they are happier at his house not my flat…thank goodness for my beautiful cats…) and cuddles’…………………
    it is never too late….there is no such thing as late….sometimes we are on the train, sometimes we feel like we fell off….but we breathe and blink and look around and touch and feel the fluffy seats….and we are back again…………..



  13.  #13Sasha J on November 11, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    wow i really think i have been in a masculine me, feminine him relationship……….and i feel love but when he seems to be feeling happy and in love with me i seem to feel annoyed and irritated and feel like i’ve lost me, and feel drained………..so i snap at him sometimes and send angry text messages…..i feel like i’ve been the guy in this…giving mixed signals and playing hot and cold…………..alot of the time………wow wow wow i feel embarassed



  14.  #14Robin on November 11, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    Ive been flooded with memories of my past, and yep sure enough, the feelings are what stick.

    Some feel good and some feel bad, but ALL bring me to tears, I actually feel moved by the feelings I experience, and sometimes, I feel sad and then I feel surprised at how far Ive come from where I was and who I was.

    And it feels good to see that these feelings come with us in the present moment…

    I feel so moved..



  15.  #15alias girl on November 11, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    i am still sitting with this new post. Some thoughts about it came back to me on my walk back to my car from the gym tonight. I feel good to just let it simmer in me.



  16.  #16Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    I was just feeling angry at my dad because he said well doing acupuncture and taking herbs from my acupuncturist is stupid and that im not informed and wont get tests done for my hormones.

    i felt unheard that i would not come up with anything wrong on hormone tests just because my period is irregular and also that there is no one comprehensive test to take for hormones here … and even if there were, i’d just be told to take birth control pills which i do not want to take, last time i took hormonal birth control i got an irregular pap and thats how i got into looking into natural health

    i feel triggered and tight in my lower back and pouty lips and sad in my heart and i just feel like eating a bunch of comforting food like my couscous but i dont want to eat just to comfort myself

    and now a guy that didnt take me home (not the horrible horrible one but tehs second one) who just flipped out on me after i agreed to meet him at an event the second time… he started asking me how old i am implying tha ti was acting immature for being angry at him, and when i left (yes!) the situation and even the beer he got me at the bar, he texted me “you still live with your parents when are you gonna grow up” which felt amusing and insulting so

    now he just called as i was typing

    and i said hello how are you

    he said good i just woke up

    and then i decided to be brave and said… you know i dont really want to talk to you, so take ceare bye and hung up

    he was saying why why

    (my phone does this automatic caller id and just sais cell phone ca calling instead of the number for people who ar not saved, so i dono whos calling me sometimes… cuz i mostly dont save mens numbers)

    i feel good i walked away from that even though i didnt walk away fast enough from teh talk with my dad.

    i feel interested that my dad is concerned about my health this way the same way i am concerned about his on his never ending atkins diet

    i feel sad about taht



  17.  #17Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    he now texted: because i said you live with your parents well its true just get your own place to see the real world!

    i feel amused and attacked too but mostly amused (is that my defense?… i know i mentioned before how i feel amused first when i am attacked)

    i also have another guy texting me who is helping me feel good

    but i still feel disappointed and discouraged from the conversation with my dad… and it felt good to write that i just sighed and i love my sighs… i love the tightness and warmness in my lower back and in my thighs… thighs i feel furious and like smashing things thank u thighs… i feel powerless and tingly i love my tingly and powerless feeling… i feel like a caged animal grabbing and roaring at the bars of my cage… i love my caged feeling… thank u thank u



  18.  #18nikita on November 11, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    Daria,

    My friend (nice man who would marry me tomorrow-lives in LA) teaches Kung-Fu…according to his studies women who can stop their cycles age slower because as we cycle we lose chi….now I’m only mentioning it as; look at the bright side 🙂

    My cycle is only regular if I have a regular partner…otherwise….well after hearing this from a kung fu master….I was celibate for a year so I tried to stop cycling…and I did……I look insanely young for my age….people want to smack me….but the only way I can bring it is by drinking red wine…seriously…so if I don’t want it I don’t do my ritual of drinking red wine to bring it on…….I don’t want you to feel bad about it…..yes some people will say….blah.blah.blah….but if the pill is their only solution ….they can delude themselves with artificial cures….none for me thx…..maybe you’d like to research chi and vitality as per a woman’s cycle…..related to kung fu….i never did…i just trusted my friend and stopped falling prey to other’s “shoulds”

    lots of love…nikita



  19.  #19Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    Thanks Nikita. I would like to have mine regular now though. I noticed not having it regular did not feel good… i would feel off,,, craving stuff… bloated, feeling more powerless and stuff when i was not having one… this is recent noticing after paying attention to myself and my body… before I would drink too much and smoke to notice how i was feeling related to a cycle… i LOVE getting my period and when i do get it and am on cycle i feel very good and energetic and in “tune” with the world…

    so i want it to be regular… also i was deficient kidney yin chi so in a way that is related… as is the liver cleaning they are doing my liver was weak after all the drinking ive done in my life

    I do know of the chinese deer exercise for women which practiced regularly raises up energy and feeds our hormone system… and also can stop periods if you intend…

    thank you for the red wine tip will try drinking red wine around taht time…



  20.  #20nikita on November 11, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    P.S. I’m the girl that mentioned Neem 😉

    xoxo
    Nikita



  21.  #21Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    right neem. i havent looked into neem cuz i dont want to take it everyday… i have queen anne lace seed for emergencies… and actually use condoms now and feel glad my body has been in it with me (didn’t use to use condoms, but my body has feeling ok with it lately)



  22.  #22nikita on November 11, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    Daria,

    oh I feel like I understand a bit more now…I’ve ben there too….I noticed I could hold it and I’d be in a perpetual pms phase (not fun) but then I would end something or get clear on something or manifest/speak a truth and suddenly I’d get it and at those times it would be welcome….a relief…..but there was always something I was “holding” onto….once I released it I’d cycle….so whatever the “truth” was…once it was embraced and honored….I’d “flow” again….

    xx nikita

    ps will look into this deer stuff 🙂
    red wine to bring it on….lemon and water to cut it off…
    cute east indian girl taught me that…proven true! after years of pracice 😉



  23.  #23nikita on November 11, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    must google queen ann 🙂
    thx for the reminder



  24.  #24Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    hey i just heard Niki Minaj rap for the first time… hehe she talks shit like me…

    i feel inspired to be a rapper more hehe

    i feel furious at my dad i feel like flying up from here through the ceiling and OUT over the world like a twisty missle honey dripping



  25.  #25Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    lemon and water!!! wow THANK U! i get mine a lil long!

    i do lemon and warm water in the morning to clean my system



  26.  #26Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    omgosh she just said shes going for Barak Obama

    lol thats MY baby daddy hahaha



  27.  #27Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:53 pm

    plust the chatbox on her myspace is much like i want one on my blog… took a snapshot of it



  28.  #28Daria on November 11, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    This site (Rori’s) fuckin rocks.

    I just got advice how to bring my period on naturally fuckin wow.

    I miss Reshi!



  29.  #29nikita on November 11, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    🙂 mwuah!



  30.  #30Jennifer on November 12, 2009 at 6:17 am

    I am not fundamentally flawed.
    I always figured my family didn’t treat me well because there is a fundamental flaw in my personality. There must have been something wrong with me to deserve to be treated like less than my siblings. They must be “ok” and I’m not.
    I must have to work twice as hard as everyone else to deserve the scraps from a man’s emotional table. I must need to give and give and do and try and be what ever they need just to deserve some scraps.
    Thanks to the universe that I have started going to EFT. I woke up yesterday with the small and dawning realization that there really is NOTHING wrong with me. I am not less than…despite receiving treatment that indicates otherwise.



  31.  #31nikita on November 12, 2009 at 7:09 am

    Jennifer,

    good morning, I couldn’t agree more 🙂



  32.  #32nikita on November 12, 2009 at 7:10 am

    In fact, you are fundamentally Divine.

    xoxonikita



  33.  #33Mary Ann on November 12, 2009 at 7:54 am

    AG, that’s awesome about your job!! I feel proud and yes!!
    I loved your post where you address everyone…so awesome!

    So, the story of 2 men continues…Tuesday nights I play Euchre and these 2 men play as well. They both hug and kiss me hello and goodbye, they both flirt a little…this week I spent more time talking to B as he and I were out of the game earlier than J. Only J has my #…I was showing B my new business card but then he handed it back to me. I didn’t want to tell him to keep it because that would be leaning forward. My friends say I need to be more obvious to them about which one I like better because they are friends, but I say let them figure it out…whoever steps up wins me!!!

    Besides..I don’t know who I like more…I have more physical chemistry with B he’s more trouble, but J is more responsible and together.

    Any thoughts from anyone? It would be nice to come out of this with a date from at least one of them!



  34.  #34Mary Ann on November 12, 2009 at 9:13 am

    http://gonesavage.blogspot.com/2009/11/soulmates-vs-egomates.html?zx=397c0d7f433cd7f1

    Not sure if the link will work but if you copy and paste it it will for sure.
    It’s from GoneSavage.
    I can completely understand how the ego, the body and the soul may want different things for me…how do we hear our souls clearly? When something feels good, and clean and purely happy is that a message from our soul? Will that lead us to our soulmate? My body often screams the loudest…leading me to physical satisfaction but nothing more. What the ego leads me to is the “good on paper” guy…not necessarily a great guy for me. I need to get in touch with my SOUL!!

    yooo hooo where are you????? lol…you need to scream louder soul..I need to know how you feel…I need your help!!! lol!!



  35.  #35Tina on November 12, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Mary Ann, I say date both 🙂



  36.  #36Daria on November 12, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    well i was coming on here to rage about how angry i felt and now a man sent me a picture of his penis, i said something back, he wrote back, i had a sip of my citrus drink and now i feel good



  37.  #37Mary Ann on November 12, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    MMMM Tina I would love to…but they are best friends and I doubt they will go for that…that’s I guess what I really want to do, and I don’t know what to do or not do in order for that to happen. I know that leaning back and just receiving will help…as once I initiate anything with either of them..it will be like I picked. I’m just worried they will be so confused about what I want…and not wanting to step on eachother that nothing will happen with either!!

    Anyway, I guess the question is pointless as neither has asked me out yet. J does call or text and suggest getting together but then his friend has been with us each time. Weird…but because he is in my circle it makes sense that he’s careful about crossing the line until he’s sure, but there is interest…it’s pretty clear.

    As I write this…I realize exactly what I need to do…NOTHING..lol..except be my fabulous receiving self!! They will figure it out. This is the whole point…it is like a circular dating microcosm I have here…the ultimate practice scenario!!

    LOVE those AHA moments. I have been feeling excited-ness and anticipation today..not sure why but I LIKE IT!!



  38.  #38Tina on November 12, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    Daria, thats to bad about the penis man. Penis men are weird.

    I met this man, I feel annoyed because he is taking up my time. I already agreed to go on another date with him tomorrow night but he called a few times and sent a few emails asking me to go with him on a day trip , I was/am feeling annoyed grrrrrr. Why cant he just accept our date for tomorrow and be happy. Why does he have to suck up all my time or try to? grrr. I just ignored his phone calls and emails until our date tomorrow.



  39.  #39Tina on November 12, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    I heard from mooseman tonight, he said I missed a great time in the woods. I replied, I dont feel comfortable doing sleep overs blah. I feel unheard, that is the message i am getting a lot lately. Why am I attracting these guys? grrrr.



  40.  #40Tina on November 12, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    I feel unheard, I want things my way damnit! I feel pissed off/angry, bored and a feeling of ef you! My way or the highway. The unattractive men are attracted to my profile lol, I find this really strange, the attractive men are pervs.



  41.  #41Tina on November 12, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    I have to *think, is this a reflection of me? the message , is this the message? I feel judgmental tonight of these dudes. Do I have to prove that I am non judgmental by dating an ugly guy? grrr why? why do I have to do that? I saw a really attractive man with a nice profile, he sent me a message then showed me a pic of his weiner ew, wasnt attractive at all. I wish it was I would have commented on his attractive looking weiner blach!



  42.  #42Tina on November 12, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    Daria , I”m drinking “half the caff”



  43.  #43Tina on November 12, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    I have moose steaks in my fridge, mooseman can go stick his up where the sun dont shine! I’m going to curry mine tonight:) yum yum!



  44.  #44Ann on November 12, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    Subscribing to thread. I feel so far behind and like I don’t know if I’ll get caught up. I read as much as I can and miss chatting with you all. Have had sickness around here the past week so everything is off routine. I miss siren island.



  45.  #45alias girl on November 12, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    yes or no? i feel unsure in my own private dilemma. which will i feel best about? because it’s all about me feeling good. so yes or no universe? i feel conflicted.

    i feel like i’ve already busted up my opportunity because i spoke up. yet i feel terrific and adult for speaking up. i feel unsure now.

    why do i feel GUILTY when people treat me weird or attempt to exploit me? why do i feel guilty for speaking up? why do i feel like i’ve caused the weirdness????!!

    yes or no universe? you know my deal. you know my dreams. you know my heart.

    yes or no? what will bring me the greatest joy AND self love.

    yay or nay? thank you for perfect guidance.



  46.  #46alias girl on November 12, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    big HUG ann!



  47.  #47Ann on November 12, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    Thanks Alias Girl for the hug and right back at you :). I saw where you(and Flipper) said you missed me on another post. That felt good. I can’t really explain(don’t have the words) my mood at the moment, but I’ve missed you ladies. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post more soon and have something interesting to contribute.

    Hugs to all



  48.  #48alias girl on November 12, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    i feel very leaning to the NO side of the equation. no. i was not treated respectfully. no. i felt completely used and lied to. no. you 100% misrepresented yourselves. so No. you cannot set me up under false pretenses and trick me into me givng you a rellay good, talented part of myself then once you are done with me just scoot me out the door and dispose of me. No. absolutely not.

    on the other hand…i could get some compensation if i ask for it because i was kind of smart about things. i just donLt know. i just don’t know.

    i feel used and i feel mistreated and strung along and lied to and disposed of as if am not a human being with dreams of my own. omg. HOW DARE YOU. How dare you. no it is not ok to treat me that way.yes it is obvious i have a sense of humor about things as i just played goofball for you. but no my sense of humore actually does not seem to be extending to be exploited and mislead and then disposed of. rrrr. i feel like calling right now and saying No Thank You. i told the guy i would sleep on it. rrrr



  49.  #49alias girl on November 12, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    i just called and left a message and said NO. Thanks it was fun but i feel mistreated aand i just feel bad about so No. you may not use a part of me that you tried to take from me under false pretenses (i left that last bit out of the voicemail)

    anyway it was nice meeting y’all.



  50.  #50Tina on November 12, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    You have a great smile Alias girl! I saw your photos with your appointment. So what happened?



  51.  #51Daria on November 12, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    so i went on a date… i felt nervous… guy drove, fancy restaurant, i felt tense… he was handsome and totally NOT my type, he did kiss me at the end not bad kisser at all…

    feeling angry at the world ready to die now…

    or else ready to enter my wonderful life of feeling good…

    mom actually came and asked about reconnect your relationship after i offered it to her today… mom has been asking me about my feelings and i told her about being upset about what dad said yesterday..

    who knows wtf dad did i am guessing cheated i hope not though honestly i dont want to know all that cuz i dont feel like i can cope with that info so i feel glad theyre not sharing with me



  52.  #52Daria on November 12, 2009 at 11:43 pm

    I had wine. I didn’t want to have too much, i didn’t have too much, a lil more than i wouldve without pressure.

    I feel angry.

    FUCK U and fuck the world.



  53.  #53Kaitlyn on November 12, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    Daria,

    No way!!! I just discovered Nicki Minaj for the first time a few days ago. I am hooked!!! It’s Barbie, bitch!



  54.  #54Kaitlyn on November 12, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    Daria and Nikita,

    My period has pretty much never been regular. I’ve never seen that as an issue. I’m completely healthy, look very young for my age, and don’t see the need for it to be regular.



  55.  #55Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:14 am

    YES! my online guy who was a cop has now decided to be a social worker! yay! he may even be able to help me start a non profit



  56.  #56Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:23 am

    love the blue color on the dragon charmer painting on my blog



  57.  #57alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:26 am

    ann big HUG again!

    thanks tina. my strategically angled photos. 🙂 tina i feel curious mooseman is still even around. i feel triggered that he is triggering you!!!!! i have a little resistance dating men i am not attracted to on some level. i feel like ugh. why. but i understand rori’s methods and suggestions around circular dating and feel very willing to keep going with it. but dating someone i am 100% not interested in in any way, shape or form. I’m just not there yet. i do not feel convicted i would gain any benefit from it. but i feel interested in other sirens experiences. i know nikita has shared alittle in the past. hmm i don’t know. i feel conflicted

    mary ann i feel confused what i would do with that two-man situation also. ? ? ?

    jennifer i feel GOOD to read you letting go of that old belief. the leftkoe video online that daria had posted works directly on such erroneous beliefs. i liked it.



  58.  #58alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:35 am

    hah that’d be cool to be able to have hair like that for a couple of months. i think my date quality would go up. i would start attracting men more in line with my soul. interesting article by the way, mary ann.

    for me, i don’t feel i can really separate them all out like that. I would like to satisfy all aspects of myself. I mean all those parts of me exist in the physical form. i have respect for me ego. i trust it’s part in my decision. i respect my body, i trust it’s part in my decision. i respect and love my soul, i trust it’s part in my decision.

    but i also understand the angle the article was coming from. if i weigh too heavily on what my ‘ego’ wants my ‘soul’ ( and whole self) might end up very very unsatisfied.

    although at least i’d be wined and dined and well fed. 🙂



  59.  #59alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:38 am

    i’ve always been lucky in the penis dept. the men i have been sexual with, i have liked all their penises (peni?)

    and some of them i miss.



  60.  #60Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:43 am

    I love nice penises! I like them straight and kinda shiny… polished looking… I want a nice name for them

    I like calling my pussy nani…

    i called one man’s penis a coffee stick i like that however i dono if i can call all cofee sticks… acutally he called that it himself… i jsut said it looks like it had cofee stains and he said oh you want this coffee stick huh. he had a yummy feeling coffee stick yes. i used to call one of my exes fudge bar…

    ok… a name for penises… dick is ok but i feel shay saying that… how about papi stick

    PUPPY POWER!! lol

    papi power tool…
    cringe raise eyebrow

    thaang i like thaang… gime that thaang…

    what your thaang look like… hmm thats pretty good…

    papi thaang ooh i like that

    leme see your papi thaang

    ooooh i feel smily! i feel proud of myself yay



  61.  #61Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:45 am

    my tummy feels bloated… aww
    love u tummy im sorry you don’t feel good…

    thank u for being awonderful tummy



  62.  #62Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:46 am

    Desire list:

    move in for free with a papi or friend



  63.  #63Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:47 am

    someone on my blog commented that I seem self absorbed and who do i think i am!

    wowzers! thats what i expect thinking im the shit

    im the shit!

    wat

    im the magic goddess medicine woman!



  64.  #64Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:48 am

    i got haterz1!!

    yes

    maybe its time to rap on the blog

    all good rappers have haters

    yeaaaaadig



  65.  #65Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:49 am

    i been hated on all my life!

    mess up your life wit your wife cuz this nani so RITE

    loool

    i feel teary eyed

    thats my line if had it for a long time sun shine do mine straight spine tequila an lime



  66.  #66Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:49 am

    hey tears actually came out my eyes and are falling down!

    pretty awesome



  67.  #67Tina on November 13, 2009 at 12:50 am

    Aliasgirl, Mooseman is on my messenger, I suppose your right in asking why is he still around. I can block and delete, as a matter of fact , I’ll do that NOW hehe. There done! I feel much better now. We did go swimming in the river and I had a great time, we made out a little even! he is attractive. No huge loss , I just dont understand the message I am supposed to get from him. The idea of circular dating is opening up, feel my feelings ?

    Sleep overs are not in my dating big fun things to do, I’m sure this is very basic to some sirens here, I just need a little more time to understand the messages hehe.

    I’m doing my best to not like this guy I’m going to a hockey game with tomorrow night, but it seems he is having all the “right answers” when I use feeling messages lol, Physically is not really my type, I feel confused again *sniffle.

    I have to remember I am starting at the bottom here. baby steps…



  68.  #68alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:50 am

    i feel laugh out loud at the penis nickname commentary.



  69.  #69Tina on November 13, 2009 at 12:51 am

    Daria, Im going to your site!



  70.  #70alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:51 am

    daria i set mine up so i can screen stuff out.



  71.  #71alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:53 am

    baby steps for me too tina. i feel curious mooseman triggers you. but then you just knocked him out of the ring so hmm i feel unsure. i feel like that feeling with my exes IF they could have only stepped up we could have had so MUCH fun.



  72.  #72Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:54 am

    Alias I feel you but Im going to love my haterz for now. I feel curious on what they are saying and how i feel like responding



  73.  #73Daria on November 13, 2009 at 12:54 am

    Tina Rocks! I want moosemeat! YUM



  74.  #74nikita on November 13, 2009 at 12:55 am

    oooooooooooh Friday the 13th

    HOT

    I love Friday the 13ths……aaw I feel pouty….I would have planned something….dunno why these have always been lucky days for me…..mmmm…..what shall I get into……?

    😉

    hehehehe……mischief!



  75.  #75alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:59 am

    i feel admiring of your decision daria. not right for me but i feel curious and grateful of your own way you have with the world.



  76.  #76Daria on November 13, 2009 at 1:08 am

    hehe it feels good to read that you feel admiring.

    I feel worried and undecided if i should allow their comments but right now i am feeling open to it.

    btw Eragon is an already written book with the dragon and the rider. i liked it, 4th one coming out. lots of strong female leaders warriors, healersand dragons too, but written by an adolescent boy with male philosophies…

    ie life is for what must be done not what we want to do etc.

    still love it

    my book is still being written in the soultime



  77.  #77Daria on November 13, 2009 at 1:17 am

    i just asked a man if he had a big papi thang for practice

    it felt easy. rolled right off teh keyboard.



  78.  #78Daria on November 13, 2009 at 1:18 am

    he said
    lol hell yeah

    i say
    lol
    hell yeah



  79.  #79Daria on November 13, 2009 at 1:18 am

    i will ask this to men right off the bat now
    for fun and curiosity



  80.  #80alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 1:21 am

    omg. i feel weird chuckling and moving shoulders while i am chuckling and weird geeky laughing noises and snorts.



  81.  #81Daria on November 13, 2009 at 1:41 am

    lool i feel laughing while reading about AG’s chuckling snorts



  82.  #82Tina on November 13, 2009 at 1:48 am

    haha you guys are funny!



  83.  #83Tina on November 13, 2009 at 2:04 am

    With mooseman I felt a sense of waiting for him to call me, then what, go out on a date with him again? Do I have low tolerance? Am I unforgiving? block delete forgetaboutit. To much energy wasted. I’m going to a hockey game tomorrow night , eat, sing weeee!
    I curried the moosemeat and its sitting in the fridge until tomorrow, with some basmati rice and I dunno what else.



  84.  #84alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 2:21 am

    yeah i don’t like that feeling of waiting for a man i like to call. and waiting and waiting.

    that’s why i finally just told my ex to toodleloo. i barely even think about him now. and i don’t masturbate with him in my mind and sometimes it just feels like the right thing to do for me to completely cut them off. i don’t want to because i really like some of them but if there is not enough energy and desire and alignment and rowing coming from a man then i do not want to be putting my energy into some inmaginary relationship and waiting

    rori says NO WAITING

    so toodles. thank you. now i feel free. which is a much better feeling.



  85.  #85Daria on November 13, 2009 at 2:38 am

    man says:

    oh….an about u bein a goddess….u look like one



  86.  #86Tracy on November 13, 2009 at 3:49 am

    I had a great time last time and i remembered to lean back and enjoy attention…it felt great going out and having fun…
    I feel that my vibe is changing and i am attracting a different set of men…i like the attention i am getting and i am learning to enjoy the moment and look for things that make me feel good as much as i can…
    I feel tired this morning and a bit grumpy with my boss especially…i feel its because i did not sleep well last night…but it was all worth it…I feel energized in spite of my tiredness.
    I totally love this post….I have memories of neglect and loss that keep popping from my past and i feel a shift to sadness and helplessness each time they pop up especially with my last relationship…
    I am working on being happy and acknowledging all my feelings no matter how bad they feel…
    I am learning to be happy in my sadness and feel courage in my helplessness…i feel progress and i feel loved….i feel love for me and all my unfulfilled desires…I feel thankful for being here in this moment and i feel loved…hugs



  87.  #87DocK on November 13, 2009 at 8:13 am

    I am going to try to incorporate this post into my dance tonight. We have a theme or assignment in our pole dance class every other week and tonight’s is “evening gown.” I have a vintage evening gown – beautiful but plain that seems very straight at the bottom but actually opens up wide like the Ginger Roger dresses. I will also wear a hat that has a large crystal pin on it. Very 40s.

    Song I am dancing to is Frank Sinatra – One for My Baby and One More for the Road.

    Going to bring all of the past lovers into the dance and celebrate what I learned from them – good and bad – and then release them or let them sit on the back of the horse.

    Should be interesting.



  88.  #88nikita on November 13, 2009 at 8:52 am

    Dock You Rock…….

    I checked out your page and found a link I forgot I was looking for 😉

    Sending loving vibes and light for your dance….thx!



  89.  #89DocK on November 13, 2009 at 11:44 am

    Thank you Nikita – I need it (rough day)



  90.  #90Tina on November 13, 2009 at 11:55 am

    The Zen of wallowing in failed relationships. I feel bringing these memories up to speed (present) , doenst stick around so long.



  91.  #91alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    tina i feel similar. i have still not fully “got” this post of rori’s. so i keep rereading it.

    but i feel good to just steer my thoughts to higher ground. yet i “allow” what is trying to remain on the “loop.” and i just say ok, that was yesterday and now is now. now is brand new. what do i want? because if i go with the story on the “loop” and the loop is in a negative groove well guess what i’ll get.

    but i can say, no that’s not true anymore. that was yesterday. and then start finding proof of a new truth that is part of my happy ever after. and i can focus on that. and if my mind feels the need to loop well i will just continue to create the new loop of positive and happy ideas. and maybe that is why i will reach a “new normal” because the default postion of my mind will have been reprogrammed.

    i am lovely.
    i am competent.
    people adore and support me
    i am prosperous
    i am creative
    i am talented
    i attract good, yummy men
    i am worthy
    i can and will and am
    happiness is a priority
    i feel good
    things are happening for me and i am pleased
    life is a fun adventure
    people like me
    i am harmonious
    people want to work with me
    i can take care of myself
    i am safe
    i am divinely guided
    i am healthy and whole
    my body WANTS to be perfect and healthy and whole and I allow this and listen to what it needs. (thanks daria!) i care for myself.
    i ALLOW wonderful things to happen
    my dreams are coming true in the most thrilling and pleasing way
    i am inspired and fulfilled
    i go on fun dates
    opportunity knocks on my door often, very often at least daily.
    i am prepared and excited for these opportunities
    life is good
    thank you

    it’s a much better feeling “loop” and just as “true” as the old one i left behind.

    i am just talking myself into my happy ever after. that’s all it is for me. rally myself up and talk myself into it and cheer myself on until i am in full “belief” of this new loop.

    🙂 i love myself.



  92.  #92alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    oh i forgot one.

    i am a magician and i pull amazing, surprising and pleasing things out of my hat All The Time to the amazement and wonder and thrilling exhiliration to myself and those around me.



  93.  #93alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    big HUG docK. xoxo



  94.  #94nikita on November 13, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    Ok hormones are intuitive…..ok, so i have some intuitive connections and the message i am getting is……something was very real…..that i want to be real…..and yet…i feel

    dammit damIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKCUCKFUCKGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

    I FEEL CRAZY……………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    DDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSHHHHH9IIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

    MMMMMMMMMMOTHHHHHHHHEEEERFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    FUCK
    FUCK
    FUCK

    I FEEL MY HEART BREAKING OPEN I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFUCKING FRUSTRATED
    DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

    KILL THE RABBIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK



  95.  #95nikita on November 13, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    SIGH

    I feel so embarassed for acting out like that.
    my hands feel like tearing through flesh……………i feel a vampire scream coming on ……….right after a nap



  96.  #96Angeline on November 13, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    OMG Sirens!
    Just did my first ‘I don’t want to be a girlfriend’ speech. I feel so amazed and happy and joyful about how it turned out. He was very forthcoming with how much he cares about me, but also very clear about telling me he wants what’s best for me. I feel so honored, and appreciative of him too! Also, I feel so relieved that I can be honest and stay with my truth.

    Just had to share. Have a great weekend everyone!



  97.  #97Flipper on November 13, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    A gentle, firm hug to Nikita, too.

    That’s a tough act to follow, and I have a feeling we’re not quite to the dénouement yet, but if you’ll allow me, I’d like to back up to

    Alias Girl’s Mind-Boggling Magical Hat Trick

    and clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap!!!!!!!



  98.  #98Flipper on November 13, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Yae for you, Angeline !



  99.  #99Daria on November 13, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    here’s a part of an article from a woman who coaches men…

    about paying! I like her take on attraction:

    “Yeah, I know, it’s not “fair” that men should have to pay for everything, especially if you both make the same amount of money, or (gasp!) she makes more than you do.

    No it’s not fair, and you don’t want it to be.
    Attraction is created by the building of sexual tension. Fairness evens out a situation and gets rid of the tension—that’s why fairness is very useful for conflict prevention and resolution. If you want to have a nice, neat, fair date with a woman, split everything down the middle. If you want to create excitement and sexual tension, take charge and take her out.”

    from http://www.pickuppodcast.com/blog/dating/show-me-the-moneypart-1/

    NO ITS NOT FAIR, AND YOU DONT WANT IT TO BE!!

    omgosh – why to not overfunction



  100.  #100Daria on November 13, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    My mom pulled out of her hat…

    SUPER COMFY BANANA NUT BREAD!

    yeah!!!

    oh!

    I woke up feeling HAPPY this morning…

    YES!

    and HEALTHY!

    I heard my parents voices and pulled my own lil bedside trick out of the hat (earplugs) but also I listened not to words but EMOTIONS!

    I heard from my dad: anger, anxiety, desperation, FEAR (omgosh fear)

    from my mom i heard: confusion, … blankness?

    that was interesting. somehow I didn’t feel tightened up but reassured by hearing these FEELINGS and I went back to sleep!



  101.  #101alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    yes i would like to double down on the hug for goddess nikita.

    angeline i feel uplifted and enthusiastic. yae for you!

    thank you flipper for clapclapping i feel like twirling and bowing and Doing Another Hat Trick!!!! coming soon to The Magic Castle – the stupendous alias girl. (yes there is such a place in los angeles) and yes kanye has rubbed off on me a bit.

    daria i feel relieved on your new non triggering perspective of your parent’s pain. i also like reading about how certain dynamics can contribute to sexual tension. what’s “fair” in a romantic relationship? for me it seems it would be about desires, negotiation and boundaries.



  102.  #102alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    desires, negotiation and boundaries.

    not freaking 50-50.

    is not “50-50” the most unromantic phrase? ugh.



  103.  #103Daria on November 13, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    I don’t like negotiation either.

    I feel HOT IN HERE… too hot gonna open a window.



  104.  #104Daria on November 13, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    lets make a new word for negotiation…

    how about sharing

    desires, sharing and … strength



  105.  #105Daria on November 13, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    boundries = goddess power = borders

    somehow i like borders

    a lil bit right now



  106.  #106alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    i feel good you found your own words daria. i prefer mine for myself.

    i like negotiation. it’s a constant evolving sliding back and forth renweing thing for me. i amin negotiation with life. one of the dictionary terms is “to move through in a satisfactory manner”



  107.  #107alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    desires negotiation and boundaries are my alternative to “fair”. maybe i was not clear the way i phrased it.

    these are my ideals and what i feel what feel and contribute to yummy in a romantic relationship.

    all are in a constant state of evolving therefor my relationship to mr yum would not get stagnate and there would always be some sort of “tension” but not in the meaning of the word that refers to “stress” but rather that sexual “tension” and creative interest kind of tension.

    i feel completely unsure what to do with my day today. i feel a little deflated and hopeless. i am trying to pretend that i don’t but i really feel lost. anyway i don’t want to focus on that but i did want to acknowledge it.

    also option B of “a life of crime” is out at this point. i am really not meant for a life of crime and am a terrible liar. i tried to sneak into my dance class last night and got caught. how embarrassing. i mean she didn’t say “yo, thief, pay up” but i knew the truth and felt wicked embarrassed. so i am onto other options and hat tricks. a successful and happy life of crime is Not buried in my magician’s hat.

    something great will show up. so far all has been really great if i view it in a day by day moment by moment basis. i trust that things will unfold in a way that really pleases me.

    ugh i feel so embarrassed by my attempt at stealing a dance class. not that this justifies anything but i wouldn’t have been stealing from my teacher who really couldn’t afford to be stolen from. i was stealing from the super rich woman who owns a ton of really expensive dance studios in japan and is also really well connected to celebrities. (i saw usher at the studio last night!) anyhoo i am justifying my stealing and really it’s taking dishoneslty from another person or entity. that’s not who i want to be. that doesn’t feel very goddessey. lesson learned. u turn from my criminal ways. moving on. maybe i’l go the library.

    ? i dunno.



  108.  #108Daria on November 13, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    Going to the library makes me FEEL GOOD AFTER!

    it works



  109.  #109alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    it was a feeling of “not enough” and hoarding what i do have. 🙁 i feel tears. i feel sobbing and alittle sqeaking and heavy breathing and more tears.

    thank you for helping me align with my sense of prosperity. thank you for helping me to allow my vibration and frequency to line up with the frequency and vibration of true prosperity, abundance and a feeling of “enough”

    thank you.



  110.  #110alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    and i had just felt so let down from my day and i wanted to feel good and get lost in an activity that felt good but i didn’t want to spend the money. because in the last months money has been going out but only trickling in.

    oh my this has been a good idea to confess because this is some intense sobbing and release. obviously tied into my core issues of not enoughness in the financial area of my life. wow. pshew. i feel a big release. i feel angry. i feel sad. i feel devastated. i feel more sobbing.i feel compassion. i love myself. i feel understanding and a desire to soothe. is ok. is ok. all will be ok. i promise.when you were a tiny little emreyo you were given an invisbile magician’s hat. evey single little embreyo gets one of these magician’s cap only some people don’t realize they have one because it’s invisible and there’s not a lot of training in the mainstream on hoe to do tricks with it. but you just discovered yours and you are learning. forgive yourself for what’s gone before when you were under the impression you were alone in the wilderness to fend for yourself and not knowing quite how to. you did the best you could.

    thank you



  111.  #111alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    i just went into the bathroom to blow my nose and i had tears running all down the front of my chest.

    i feel so dramatic.

    tonight on The Alias Girl Show; alias girl gets caught stealing(… heavy bass boom dramatic music beats…dumdumdum…)will she go to jail? will she confess to the crime? can she be saved?

    …watch tonight as the drama unfolds on an all new episode…



  112.  #112Daria on November 13, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    OMGOSH i feel RIVETED i so swear!



  113.  #113alias girl on November 13, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    aw i feel encouraged understood and supported in a playmate-like fashion. playmet in the playground sense of the word. not the hugh heffner version.



  114.  #114Gigi on November 13, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    I feel like the guy I’ve been with the last few years isn’t into me enough but I’m having trouble letting him go. I feel like I can do it and then I get incredibly sad and find myself responding to him once again. Some of it is really good, but not enough. I have signed up on a few dating sites. Part of me feels like I need to let him go before I can really pursue another guy because I’m so into him. I’m going out tonight on my own to meet up with people at an art opening and I look really good. I want something so much better. If I can just feel it into being.

    Wishing you all a magnificent Friday night!

    Gigi



  115.  #115Rori Raye on November 13, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    Wow, Alias Girl – what a riveting story and expression, thank you. Love, Rori



  116.  #116nikita on November 13, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    SIGH SIGH SIGH

    VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT SIGH

    DAMMMMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTTTTT
    SIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    FROWNY FACE-
    POUTY FACE FROWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNN 🙁

    🙁 🙁



  117.  #117nikita on November 13, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    Ok…..I’m back….I feel better….Flipper thx
    AG thx……good for you….YOU KNOW what you don’t want, but how beautiful and sweet….that of all things….a dance class….it feels so……the little princess in the hood 😉

    Hugs.



  118.  #118alias girl on November 14, 2009 at 6:17 am

    thankyou nikita for having a more romantic perspective of things.

    hug to you. maybe he’s just not your guy. or maybe he is. or maybe he’s not. you’l know by his actions and how you feel. i guess. i honestly don’t really know because i apparently haven’t met my guy yet so i have know idea what that would feel like to know he’s My Guy. so ok maybe better off for me to just stick with the hug for you. i don’t want to give advice. only support.



  119.  #119Chaudemaman on November 14, 2009 at 8:23 am

    overfunctiong… overfunctioning… overfunctioning… overfunctioning… overfunctioning… overfunctioning… AAAAAARGH! And it’s my “moon time”… AAAAAAAARGH!



  120.  #120Mary Ann on November 14, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    Hmmm. it seems that many of us, including myself, (I have been jobless since May) are in not great financial situations…any one else see a correlation? lol!

    I feel like I might be using my relationship issues or lack of a relationship issue as an escape from my financial issues. However, I know I want both areas to be healthy and prosperous.



  121.  #121gina on November 14, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    I was looking at a stack of books, and one of the books was called

    “Why Does He Do That?
    Inside the minds of angry and controlling men”

    and I began to wonder about all they times I’ve wondered “Why Does He Do That?”

    and I realized that my primary fear is the possibility that the parts of a man that I don’t understand are filled with anger and a sense of powerlessness, thus controlling behavior.



  122.  #122nikita on November 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Mary Ann,

    I feel differently about it….I used to earn waaaaaaaaayyy more money…but now that I am more conservative my boundaries are stronger around money. Instead of spending money I am firm about what I expect….and I don’t “suck it up” because I can afford it…..and then resent the guy and get passive-aggressive about it later. I’m also not getting manicures…..and getting my hair done…or a new outfit….I am pared down basic me.

    Inside, I feel like…..dating is not in my budget….but the men keep pursuing…..and they absorb the cost-entirely.

    So….I see a silver-lining….and it separates the men from the boys……..with speed.



  123.  #123Mary Ann on November 14, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    hey Nikita, I feel just a little ponderous and wondering at how much money and success affect how we are in dating.
    I guess it wouldn’t be much different than anything else we are insecure about if indeed we are…



  124.  #124nikita on November 14, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    Nicholas Cage married a waitress

    Matt Damon married a bartender

    😉



  125.  #125nikita on November 14, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Let’s see…these women have something in common……………………mmmmmm………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….aha! they were both in proximity to many men……………………..and were probably doused in the energy of being pursued by men 😉

    I just crack me up sometimes ! lol



  126.  #126alias girl on November 14, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    thank you rori. 🙂 I feel a lot of release in this area. And relief. xoxo4u



  127.  #127Mary Ann on November 15, 2009 at 9:22 am

    good morning Nikita, and everyone else lol!

    I don’t think the men have any problem with our financial situations, but I’m wondering if we do, or more specifically I do.
    There might be a few cheapskates out there but we all know that men don’t really have criteria for who they fall for..they just do



  128.  #128Michele on November 17, 2009 at 8:20 am

    Rori,

    I’m starting to do this circular dating that you mention and the man I’ve been seeing already has 3 dates in the works. For this to work for me, am I supposed to tell him about the dates that come about for me?



  129.  #129Rori Raye on November 23, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Michele – help – I’m not sure what you mean. Do you mean that HE’S dating 3 other women? OR that YOU have 3 dates lined up? If what I’m getting is that you are both free to date others, please do not bother to tell him anything about anyone else you date. Even having an agreement about this when a man is dating other women is bad news. Also – I’m really not at all fond of the idea of dating a man who’s dating other women – though I want YOU to date all kinds of other men! Definitely have an exclusivity agreement about sex, or be a rock star who doesn’t care (don’t know too many women like that…). Let me know if I’ve got this wrong. Love, Rori



  130.  #130Ingrid on April 6, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    I love my feminine energy. I love being a girly girl, and a feminine woman. I love clothes and make-up and I love to get dressed and please my man, my hubby of over 20 years, and I please myself by dressing the way I want. I never really thought of it that much before as I was always very athletic growing up and it wasn’t until later in life, when I was over 30 that I really felt good dressing feminine. Now I love it, and love to shop and find my style. It’s always changing, and this is fun. I wonder what my style will be in 10 years? it’s fun to change and evolve as a woman.



  131.  #131Ingrid on April 6, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Dear Michelle:\

    I feel the same as Rori. I am confused here.

    If you feel comfortable with him saying he has other dates, then OK, but I know I would not feel comfortable with a man saying this. It would make me feel horrible. I want a man to make me number one. I suggest you CD, but don’t tell him about it, and of course don’t sleep with him. Just enjoy his company. If he tells you about other women he is dating, it’s your choice, but I’d drop him like a hot potato. LOL