Love and Messengers

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pigeon-with-messageWhen the weather gets hot, I wilt. Too much to do, too little time. Too little energy even if I had the time.

And then, sometimes, who wants to? Can`t sort priorities, because everything is in the “important” and “urgent” columns on my to do list. There are even new entries, scrawled between the lines, with little stars next to them.

So where is love?

My husband knows how to kick back. My daughter knows how to be so immersed in what she adores doing she hardly notices the “have-tos” lying around, waiting to get done. And here I am, standing, lost, in the middle of the living room, confounded by my choices — torn between working, working, working, eating, sitting, reading…doing and hardly a blip on the screen – not doing. Even meditating or stretching is “doing.”

How do I get out of this — not tomorrow, not after trying to do everything — but right now, this second, before the possibility in the moment passes?

I stop. Yep, I`m still standing. But now I can breathe. I can see. Still can`t think straight, because so much is buzzing around inside, but I can see. I can see that I love my daughter, I love my house (messy as it is) I love my husband (relaxed as he is), but I don`t much love me. Or, at least, I`m not much acting like it.

Yeah, the dog needs washing and walking. Yeah, the papers are piled high on my desk. Yeah, it`s Sunday and I should be having fun or taking a nap. Yeah, I should be having sex. Yeah, I should be cooking so I can eat without leaving the house. Yeah.

A cat passes through my legs. I look at him. Then the dog follows. Oh. A furry procession of messengers. What`s the message they bring? Be the Kitty, I teach my clients. Purr. And yet, at this moment I don`t even know where to sit. Cats don`t purr standing. Oh….yes they do. Yes they do. And so I do. I purr.

I stand there, and purr. Too embarrassed at first, I just think the purr. Then I hum. Then I hum some more, louder. No one even looks at me. Then I hum from my heart, and everything changes.

All the mess, and all the lists fall into place. The priorities arrange themselves. I ground myself into the floor, into the core of the earth, by touching the floor with my foot. I`m already there. The room looks like love.

That`s all it takes? A moment of purring from the heart? I suppose you could call it a small chanting, an “Om.” To me it`s a purr of contentment, of being present, of speaking to the air around me that I`m ready to love, ready for love.

Try this:

1. Wherever you are, whatever you`re doing, if you feel overwhelmed, tired, burned out, confused, disappointed, stressed – go there.

Be in and with the stress and overwhelm for long enough to acknowledge you feel it. (Pretending you don`t feel yucky never works – stay away from that if you can.) Acknowledge that the list exists, the time is short, you wish things were different. Go into how you feel long enough to feel it.

2. Now take a breath. No big deal, just a breath to start up your breathing again.

3. Now touch the floor with your foot to let yourself know you`re grounded in the earth.

4. Now lean back a bit, open your hands to the room, the air, the person in front of you, the list on the desk.

5. Let all the buzzing in your head drop down. Let it drop like an apple from a tree. Let it drop into your pelvis.

6. Now relax every muscle of your pelvis. Relax from the bottom up.

7. Now purr.

Imagine you`re a kitty out in the sun, and purr from your heart. Breathe in and out through your heart, and purr. And then…

8. Look for the next message. maninbottle

It may come from your head, your heart, your friend, your lover, your child, your dog. And it may come from the person walking behind your car when there`s no one else in the parking lot. Or the person reaching for the same soup can you are, when there`s no one else in the market.

Look at the messenger. Purr.

Ah, but what`s the message? Well — you have to ask yourself that question.

You have to turn to the person standing next to you and wonder (maybe even speak out loud) What`s this about? How is this person here, standing next to me in an empty market? You may or may not get an answer, but that`s not the important part.

The important part is to look at the person, the cat, the dog, and notice them.

The important part is to Ask Yourself.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Ann on September 9, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Right now I feel alone, angry, disguisted. Right now I’m not even sure the tools work and I’m always saying they work for any kind of relationship. I’m getting sick and tired of trying to be peacemaker, of being a people pleaser. I’m getting tired of feeling dependant on others and feeling like nothing I do is ever good enough. When is it my turn for things to go my way and enjoy life.

  2.  #2Tina on September 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    I was feeling frustrated about work today. Personalities, issues whatever. I came home talked to my son about his first day of school, he went out to see friends. I was feeling the stress of the day (other peoples energies stuck to my skin, mind, soul, blah) I immediately took a shower, not the luxurious kind, just shaving my legs, applying body lotion, face moisurizer, I rinsed out my hair, washing all the energies I picked up today down the drain. I did a breathing tool, Vampire hehe. I feel so much more relaxed now, my house is falling apart but I dont care, I know things will work themselves out. They have to. I am #1 no one is going to do it for me. I have tools now. I sat and did nothing , just a shower and breathing did it for me. Today I had to practice being soft on the outside and stronge on the inside.

    Ann, I have those days. It is your turn it is always your turn first and formost. I find when I am taking care of myself I have healthier, stronger bounderies and like the tree in the forest, I may sway, I may stand completely still, Your number # 1 Ann ! Everything else is just stuff. Stuff to do, stuff to deal with later.

    Same shit, different day!

  3.  #3Tina on September 9, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    Plus a really good head massage after I rinsed out my hair.

  4.  #4Tina on September 9, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    I feel this is my show and Im running it. Yeah thats my partcially waxed floor, my unfinished paint job, my dishes piled in the sink over there, oh my open cupboard doors over there to, the garbage bag in the middle of the floor ready to go out, yup I even feel grateful for my grated cheese for my pasta, with olive oil butter.

  5.  #5Ann on September 9, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    AWWW Thank you Tina. I know this too shall pass. It’s just that I have SOOOOO many different tools(besides Rori’s) I could use but sometimes I don’t know what to try and I just want to say to HELL with it.

  6.  #6Daria on September 9, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Ive been feeling sick. Feeling better today, but also feeling pist off a lot.

    Feel like will never have money. never. wtf. cant move out parents house. cant figure out how to consolidate credit cards. cant get call back from dude having a baby and worried about getting sued by those people because of his ass. feeling so furious, helpless.

    dont want to declare bankruptcy. yes originally i was gonna just declare bankruptcy and leave the country but I CHANGED MY MIND! hear that! i D?O not want to declare bankruptcy…

    i WANT to move out my parents house. Even though my bathroom and room here are beautiful. I WANT to support myself in a magical feel good way.

  7.  #7Tina on September 9, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Ann, sometimes just making a list of things I feel grateful for when Im feeling hopeless. I start with just one thing if thats all I have the energy for.

  8.  #8Ann on September 9, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    I’ve done that before Tina. And I know it works. Sometimes it just feels what’s the use. It like more BS just keeps piling up. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I wish I could win the lottery I think I’d run away.

  9.  #9Daria on September 9, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    Ann me too!

    one thing im grateful for : my plant!

  10.  #10Ann on September 9, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    At the moment I’m thankful for my computer. Researching LOA again. I don’t want to be attracting some of this mess to me. I know I have to allow the good things to come to me but I have no control over how others respond. And sometimes no matter what I do those responses bring me down.

  11.  #11Erika on September 9, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    I feel like I want to get f*cked.

    hello, lower chakras.

  12.  #12Daria on September 9, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    looool Erika… watching your 21 convention speech right now hahah did not expect this comment

  13.  #13gina on September 9, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    I like this post. Life is magical and good and I can feel love all the time when I’m tuned in to messages – I become super aware of synchronicity and gratitude comes easy. Thanks for the reminder, and for the suggestion on how to tune in. I relate to what Ann said about “to hell with it” – sometimes, when I’m super blue, I don’t feel like I deserve to feel better, so I won’t use my tools cause I’m busy punishing myself.

  14.  #14Symantha on September 10, 2009 at 3:33 am

    Hello girls! – had a blue day yesterday as well and just realized about this new post today. Feeling better now.
    Big hug

  15.  #15Aldonza on September 10, 2009 at 6:14 am

    If you aren’t going into bankruptcy, call each one of your creditors and negotiate with them. Tell them that you don’t want to go into bankruptcy (but that you *will* if you have to) and work out a deal. Know what you can afford to pay. See how much they’ll knock off the principle and make sure they freeze the interest.

    This is when your boy energy comes in handy.

  16.  #16Tina on September 10, 2009 at 7:26 am

    Hello to Erika’s lower chakras!

  17.  #17Rori Raye on September 10, 2009 at 11:33 am

    Go Erika! Now we’ve got more of this happening…Love, Rori

  18.  #18Linda on September 10, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    I am kind missing this here. I had an absolutely horrid day yesterday!. I work in a hospital. My manager is joke.
    She called after I had clocked out and asked if she could talk to for 15 min no big deal. (A talk with her is ALWAYS Negative and is NEVER good.) I postponed my plans and stayed. SHIT!…. she had a document that had been prepared.. said I had several complaints about me from several sources. Hmmm Just a week ago I was offered a position at a different location, same money etc. I turned it down. Now I have complaints ?…. Ok, I felt set up and after her list… I felt harrassed. The list all had elements of shreads of truth that had been snowballed into an ugly monster that is set to devour me. Things that ranged from people dont know how to take you.. to….have you put on make up at your desk?…
    It seemed as though I was just being pushed in a corner and drilled… my head was spinning. ” My work is impecable. I meet all my quotas, I have called in 2 times in 4 years…. yet it matters that I am not “susy sunshine”, I have always been a loner personailty, I work, dont socialized, … .. The whole thing ended with, ok well I needed to know what your response was to all of this I relay the information to my superior and we will get back with you in a couple of days? Go get your hair done and dont worry about things too much!!!!!!!!!!

    OMG!!!! I am single have a house payment, bills, need this job. I am not about to loose it over half truths that are twisted from a passer bys perceptions. How totally not right!…. My head just spins… I have been going through a really rough 2 years…. I have pushed and made it to work without fail and there were days I could not barely get out of bed I was so down…. now with this latest “man” issue and rejection from him… add pressure at work… I think I might just…. I dont know what!… I am numb today. Feel blue that the “king of empty words” doesnt give a shit about me….want to fight and speak up but I have no words… I feel so overwhelmed emotionally that I cant put energy into anything. I cant even pray….why bother. I feel let down in the worst way… nothing is going my way? the man who said he cared…. abandoned me.. No matter what I do it leads to nothing. No matter how well I do a work they pick and pick…this last guy picked and picked.. always found fault and is gone now… I am alone, I want to be held, I want God to come thru for me just once….

    I relate Ann… I relate.


  19.  #19Mercedes on September 10, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    Rori: “Ah, but what`s the message? Well — you have to ask yourself that question.”

    I’ve been doing a lot of this lately…

    Much Love,

  20.  #20Mercedes on September 10, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    Ann & Linda: Hang in there ladies…we all have those tough times. I’m having one too, so at least know you are not alone.

    Much Love,

  21.  #21Daria on September 10, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    I feel so anxious, so afraid! Afraid of feeling my afraidness, I feel panicked. I am sitting with my panic. I am going to throught the tunnel it.

    It feels like im falling through a well, my hands clasping at the walls, just falling and screaming, and yet afriad to hit the bottom because that’s when I’ll surely die.

    I won’t.

    The tunnel has slimy hands that grab at my legs, and demonic faces, I feel scared nearly to death, part of me feels it would rather die than be in this tunnel with these scary scary things grabbing at me, I feel so afraid I’m gonna pee on myself in the tunnel lol that’s making me feel better somehow.

    Ok I made it to the light at the end even tho the ghost thing tried to push me back, the clouds scrubbed my legs with soap even though all the pee flew off of me back into the tunnel lol.

    After my tunnel ends it ends in the middle of a cliff, then I fall (lol more falling) but now I can fly, Im in a woody area and fly straight toward the sun, smiling then glide over the land, and other flyers come join me, especially this one sexy one I know now, and this time he was particularly expressive he said wow you made it, I love you I love you I love you, lol, and I lay back on my back on leaves and watch the sky through tree leaves, and then maybe glide around some more.

    I love through the tunnel, it seems to have helped. Scratch that. It HAS helped. I feel better.

  22.  #22Daria on September 10, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    did the releasing with healer, didn’t feel traumatic this time. I do feel all happy and good.

    I called guy about issue, left another voicemail, with great feeling messages… i feel stupid having to call, im feeling powerless and stuck, yes i feel angry but mostly scared, i feel terrified.

    I just feel all safe and good. this kinda rocks.


    can’t hear out my right ear, all stuffy maybe related to the trauma release thingy… but feeling all safe about it. llol.

    cooked yummy chicken. i went to wholefoods and got organic, all men so nice to me, got car cleaned, even tho my nose is totally chapped from being sick and i was in a tshirt, felt so vulnerable and good.

    oh also did stranger and talked to skeleton super power zombie that was my angry side, talked to rag doll that got ripped head and blood that was my scared powerless and feeling worthless for being weak side, and talked to another side (ohh i don;t remember what this side represented? was it the one that ate the flower? quite possibly)… oh yes then God came and talked to me while i was there… God was really nice to me, of course, even though i kept melting right through me and i wanted to be held, God said he is always holding me and I can alwasy come back.

    That alone of course made me feel much safer. I talked to him about the issue with the guy and it helped me be safer, even though I wasn;t able to trust all the way God said it’s on me and i kept feeling like he should leave to do more important stuff but he said i was the one who was anxious to leave, that he’s always there and I can always come talk to him.

    This was all in meditation.

  23.  #23Daria on September 10, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    um so a guy i was dating, earlier, before i left, who i already felt like i was leaning forward with, because i was driving,

    now he called me the past two days, last nite we had a sweet convo about us.

    today he calls me and anyways it winds up he’s telling me that he had met up with his ex gf and she said she still wants to be with him and wants to get married . he said ok because he had been in love with her. she said she wanted to get married on 9 9 09. yes yesterday.

    so he said he tried to get some money together but couldnt, and she got mad and yelled some mean stuff to him.

    now he calls me and tells me this.

    I said wow. I feel shocked. I feel mad, but mostly shocked. so he’s tryna tell me its not about me, and he told me he wanted something with me, but i had said i wasnt ready, and if that was him he would understand.

    I said… i dont know what to say

    he says what about i understand

    i said how about i dont want to tolerate a man talking to me about other women

    he said ok…

    i said yeah
    welll i still feel mad, i will have to talk to you later… he said woww…
    i saidd yeah bye CLICK


    feeling better

    not bullshit even though this “drama” stuff is interesting, i don’t want to tolerate it or accept it, i don’t want men who aren’t interested in me me me.

    and me only.

  24.  #24Daria on September 10, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    i feel like i was mean to him. poor guy now he got dissed by two girls he likes.

    but THIS FEELS GOOD! haha hahahaha

    I feel powerful to not be derailed by a man’s feelings

    (into tolerating stuff that doesn’t feel good.)

  25.  #25Tracy on September 10, 2009 at 11:28 pm

    Hang in there……the cloud shall pass and the sunshine will once again brighten your day…..I feel certain about that….Hugs.

  26.  #26Daria on September 10, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    I feel a lil guilty cuz i actually “like” hearing interesting stuff like that drama… so it’s like my vibe and even my words are like ooooh i feel so curious tell me, then he tells me and I’m like whoa… I feel turned off goodbye. Lol. Moted.

    Anyway WHO AM I to try to protect a MAN’s feelings. That would be disrespectful to him and motherly.


    so theres this other guy, I feel no attraction to him, he strikes me as dorky and nerdy, and today I realized he also interrupts me a lot and gives me directions, like what i should do for the flu when i was telling him i HAD the flu. so maybe he’s nervous, but anyway, I DO NOT FEEL ATTRACTED TO HIM.

    But he wants to take me to lunch. Should I share Linda style that I don’t feel attraction??

    lunch would feel nice though, I love going to lunch with a man. still I feel like maybe its important for me to share this…

    what do you guys think?

  27.  #27Daria on September 10, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    Also the first one, Romeo who is ready to blink and get married, I didn’t like his skin, it gave me an icky grimy feeling and that was something that prevented me from feeling attracted to him.

    But i LOVED talking to him and even spending time with him, i just felt kinda repulsed by his smell and skin??

    do i share this… (this would feel difficult for me to share, I mean… i don’t want to traumatize him… as I don’t know if he could change it?

    what do you think?

    also other things like this one guy in new york was hecka fun to be with, but when he took off his hat he had a huge forehead and it was balding, I FELT SO TURNED OFF! that’s just me, i mean some girls like him I’m sure, but I did not… do i SAY something? or if not wht do I do??? especially if i enjoy his company a lot??

  28.  #28Daria on September 10, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    both men i enjoyed their company on some level but did not feel sexually attracted on another… so maybe the physical was a big part of that, but I also came up with other reasons… so i dono…

    someone please clarify for me

  29.  #29Daria on September 10, 2009 at 11:42 pm


    related to the almost married yesterday guy

    from a PUA website!! of all places, (kind of explicit almost soft porn sometimes lol)

    “I cannot count on her to make me feel better. I cannot expect a girl to lead me to a better place, or be lazy and let her run the show and set the emotional mood. I must always be leading myself, so I can lead her. I can never assume a girl will be willing or even count on her to be able to take care of shit while I take a breather.

    You can’t game a girl, be acting high value and emotionally centered, only to a point where you lay her, or a couple weeks into a relationship; and then start busting out the bullshit weak-male emotional up and downs of an immature manboy. Maintain yourself.”


    ok please i still want clarity on what to say when physical thing turns me WAY off… i mean what if we’re married and he like gets in an accident, does this mean i’d be like not attracted to him? this feels scary to think about…

    i know Rori mentions something about what to say… like hey sweetie lets take a shower… but what about huge HUGE like giant cartoon brain balding forehead?

  30.  #30Daria on September 11, 2009 at 12:10 am

    So the girl (he was gonna marry, I’m assuming) called from his number. He had warned me this morning that i might get random texts from someone, and i felt irritated, said so several times and had ended that convo too.

    well she said : Who is this? in an agressive tone

    i almost answered her, then realized i felt furious all down to my back and i just hung up.

    i hung up twice again without picking up.

    in the past i wouldve talked to her, and laughed at her and maybe talked some shit to her, and even right now i want to yell at her bitch who the fuck is this who the hell do you think you are calling my phone with an attitude! actually that sounds really good. usually i kinda clam up and play the “cool” role, and laugh at the girl, but wind up still feeling mad.

    anyway now my madness felt kind of exhilarating, kind of good, which I think may be a defense mechanism when I feel attacked… I turn it into feeling kind of good, numb out, and get very speech-locked… only able to knock somebody out if they go that far.

    I wouldve felt open to talk to her IF she were not calling me witha Who is this! and me feeling furious.

    sorry you or him don’t get to make me feel furious (for too long). ohhh but a part of me so wants to cuss at her right now

  31.  #31Daria on September 11, 2009 at 12:15 am

    that sounds exhilarating and fun in a mischievous way, but i feel teary eyes, so maybe its a cover up also for feeling afraid or sad?

    I feel pist off thinking of her talking shit about me to him like oh she wont even pick up the phone. oooh i want to yell at her. im in a much stronger position than her, the man is calling ME and I don’t even like him all that much.

    i feel kinda insecure and pulled to think about this, maybe picked up her energy? I Feel like yelling at her. I also feeling like forgetting about this and going back to my more peaceful vibe i was having… hmmm

  32.  #32gina on September 11, 2009 at 1:18 am

    Last week I wrote that I wasn’t able to find my feelings with a guy I’m dating. Well, the last date we went on was super romantic, and I am completely attracted to him. He’s told me a lot of different ways that he likes me: he has said that I’m incredible, and sexy, and sharp, he loves talking with me. He loves that I like Ron Paul, and other stuff. I’ve given a couple of good feeling messages, but I haven’t expressed nearly as much about how into him I am as he has. When we were making out, I was expressing a bunch of feelings with kisses. He said “I want to hear you say it.” I said “what?” while I was still passionately kissing him, and he said “Tell me. I want you to tell me…” and I said “I am telling you.” and I kept right on kissing. And it was super sweet, but I know I will need to use words in order to get to another level of intimacy. I feel sorta comfortable using feeling messages to express myself on a day to day level, but getting so close and finding words feels tricky. I’ve never done it. I’m feeling blocked – I really don’t know what to say. I was feeling love, but saying “I Love You” feels true, but is absolutely out of the question. But I was loving him. Maybe I could say I love your kisses, how you feel, I love how it feels to be in your big strong arms (I know it sounds cheesy, but I do!! And he does have big strong arms. mmm I miss em.) aaah. that feels funny. okay maybe the “big strong” part is a bit much. I do want to say how I feel, cause I felt a little juvenile not being able to muster up the words – I didn’t realize I was scared to speak until he asked me to.

  33.  #33alias girl on September 11, 2009 at 1:47 am

    i would feel good to hear all those things if i was a man with big strong arms holding and kissing on goddess gina.

    as my own self I feel good to hear all kinds of sweet talk. if it is sincere and from the right person i feel like i could listen to it forever and it really never could get too cheesy for me.


    i really like this post of rori’s and i was trying to purr. my purring sounds weird. heehee. i like the idea of purring through my life though.

    i do tend to make sounds when i am in different situations. like when i am kissing a guy i make kind of mmmm sounds. yes mostly mmm sounds. but when i am having sex those are more grunts. hehe. not really purring.

  34.  #34alias girl on September 11, 2009 at 3:00 am

    the lastt three guys i was with ( my last three exes) were all like WOW to me. like omg i can’t believe i am with these guys and wow and yum both personality wise and looks wise and just their take on life. and i got along with all of them really well.

    i don’t take it personal that they didn’t want to settle down. the guy i date 15 years ago Still hasn’t settled down. people are ready when they are ready. i feel ready. i feel really excited to be with my WOW guy and actually having him be mine. that feels really exciting i feel like i’m already practically in the relationship with him. i feel like we’ve already met. i feel very excited and grateful. thank you.

  35.  #35alias girl on September 11, 2009 at 3:04 am

    and i feel really grateful that he finds my quirkiness endearing and loveable. and he understands my night owlness. and i feel VERY EXCITED. also i feel grateful that we take things at an easy pace and their is a lot of love and acceptance between us. i feel happy and good about that. also the big amounts of fun we have. i feel very lucky. thank you.

  36.  #36Flipper on September 11, 2009 at 7:07 am

    Daria – I wonder if such a physical turnoff isn’t really a pretext – something obvious to fix on, when in fact we know inside this just isn’t him, or else maybe we have some limiting thing inside ourselves we don’t want to face right now so we find a problem with him. I wouldn’t want to be too specific with the guy (“I feel wierd saying this, but that’s too much baldness for me”) – as you say, these things can’t be changed but we (men and women) tend to fantasize they’re what keeps love away and get hung up on them – sometimes for years over one unfortunate remark. (After all, one woman’s icky baldness is another’s proof of yummy raging testosterone.)

    I’d stick with the general truth – Linda’s ‘not attracted’, or ‘I’m just not feeling the connection’ and spare him an itemization.

    Ann and Linda – let’s follow Rori’s suggestion and just Feel the downer stuff in all it’s horror for right now, only trying not to outdo the Nasty Voices with extra self-bashing. But not thinking about fixing it, choosing or deciding anything yet. I feel the tool and desire for it will come of themselves. Like the cat on silent paws….

  37.  #37Tina on September 11, 2009 at 10:26 am

    I’m still at self acceptance, I feel I have not 100% totally and completely accepted myself. I feel odd about this fact. I feel while I am in the process of exploring this (self acceptance) I will not tolerate any sort of shitty treatment of others, kinda like , hey, Im not sure if I totally and completely accept myself but in the meantime STEP THE FCK OFF! I want to allow my feelings a nice safe happy place to rest while Im doing my thing. I feel like a mother bear : )

  38.  #38Daria on September 11, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    My gosh babies everywhere… guy who is having a baby HAD a baby last week, and my lil “brother” is having ANOTHER one in just a few months… (he has a 1 yr old)even though he still wants me to go to a party with him to see another girl… lol… i told him that when he gets married i’m not going to be supporting this type of activity

  39.  #39Linda on September 11, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    Hi… It is Friday night. My stress filled week is done. I just know that I can not take much more of this stuff in my life. I went to work today fully prepared to be canned for no good reason but that did not happen. I siezed the opportunity and approached my bosses. No more defensive manouvers. I had to take control back… so instead of defending myself against the bogus stuff I decided to ask for their help in being successful in my job. It was a stroke of genious. They dropped their armor and softened toward me. Now instead of butting heads with the bull, taking it all on to prove myself, which I did not have the emotional energy for, I simply used reverse thinking, came in the back door and came out smelling like a rose!. I used feeling messages! I told them I felt uneasy and harrassed and undermined at work. I told them that I loved working for the hospital(which is true) but since my work environment has become toxic, I needed their help….so that I could concentrate on offering my best….. It worked!…. I was affirmed by them. Told I was their best staff and they did not want to loose me. Maybe a different position would give me a fresh start etc etc. I walked out of there with a different job, away from all the petty crap that has been going on, better hours and less work, closer to home and I am not stuck there if I dont like it!… Wow, I dont know which tools I used but they worked!…. I secured my job, got affirmed in the process, and the unimportant stressful stuff just goes away. Instead of butting heads with the bull, I am now riding it. The bull needs reform, their management style too. Now that the bull thinks it is helping me and I appear to be submitted to it… I have a favorable ear to speak and suggest when the time is right. What a sweet deal!…. out of the muck and the crap I did not have one ounce of strength for anyway!
    I even had a great date tonight too. An old circular date, but he is funny and I enjoy spending time with him. A convertible ride, dinner and a movie.. (the new Sandra Bullock one All about Steve)…. mindless goofy and just what I needed.

    who would have thought things would be like they are tonight. It is nothing short astounding!…. I am smiling and at ease. I felt there was no hope for anything good to happen…and it did, better that I could have imagined.

    Nite I am gonna sleep good tonight!


  40.  #40alias girl on September 11, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    yae linda!!!!!!!!!! thanks for sharing that!!!!!!!

  41.  #41Daria on September 11, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    OMg linda… i feel teary eyed reading about your success… i do think im about to cry omgosh… i have tears…

    that is so awesome… i so relate to feeling like the bull but instead you were honest and vulnerable and got the most awesome treatement

    aww i feel so inspired and touched and HAPPY wildly happy for you! your date soundes awesome too… convertible riding in the wind… awesome…


  42.  #42gina on September 12, 2009 at 12:19 am

    i’m feeling a lot of things. Not sure why I’m tripping on this so much right now, but I’m upset about how I slept with my boss. I’m feeling like i got f***d. and I’m so sad that I let that happen to me. It feels gross. And I worry that we weren’t perfectly safe – mostly, but not perfectly. And I look a the situation: A GIRL THAT WORKS THERE HAD HIS BABY AND HE DOESN’T TAKE GOOD ENOUGH CARE OF HER OR THE BABY. And I slept with this man. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
    Seriously. I could have gotten pregnant with his baby and affected all generations after me!!!!!!!!!! I could have gotten an STD that could have major negative implications for me, the rest of my life, the lives of any lovers I may have, and, again, all generations after me. Not just my lineage either – the effects are infinite. I WILL NEVER SLEEP WITH A MAN WHO IS NOT MY HUSBAND EVER AGAIN.

  43.  #43gina on September 12, 2009 at 1:26 am

    I decided that I want to clear the air with my boss and have love in the air instead of tension. I have no sexual tension with him any longer because he is not my husband – I KNOW FOR SURE THAT I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES, THEREFORE I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH HIM EVER AGAIN. So I wonder if there is love I can have for him. Cause now I am angry that this guy F***D me and that he’s the Boss of me. And that’s it. We aren’t actually friends and it felt good for me to be avoiding eye contact lately, I barely respond when he says hi to me at work. He asks me questions and I hardly respond – I give him the bare minimal. I still completely do my job, but I won’t give any extra love AT ALL. Tonight I finally acknowledged him for the first time in a couple of months. I was a brat though, and then when he was a cocky jerk back to me, I mentioned to his cousin that it’s a shame he’s related to my boss. And he said “Actually, we’re not related.” I said “It’s good that you’re not related to J… Bad blood.” After I said that I was like whoa, I am pissed. I am angry. Eh. actually I was angry and now I am SO OVER IT. I wish him well. I want no tension. just clear skies. And money – loads of money every week at the club. I don’t care about him cause i got a taste of true love is and it is SOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD. mmmmmmmmmmmmm. I feel myself being so idealistic. Like how dare I say “yes, I want true love with a man where I love everysingle thing about him. Loving a man is so much more COMPLETE than love I can have with any other person except GOD. But I’m sure I will change my mind when i have a kid. but I guess what i’m saying is that Rori talked about how we have an erotic attraction to everyone – but a man is the only person we can have a totally erotic relationship with, and since I want to have ONE erotic relationship for the rest of my life, that means that there is only ONE person who I can share total love with. That makes me feel ready for my HUSBAND now. Not that I’m urgent to have sex/the ring/the house, the kids, but just a feeling of arrival/no more resistance wanted. I want purity in my relationships with men. I don’t want to carry around anger or resistance to love anymore in any form. I want love to flow freely in my life without any attempt to inflate little love. Sometimes I make something bigger that I didn’t love cause I judge it and then the “reality vs truth” conflict inflates the issue and it takes up room that could be in the form of greater love. I want to be loving my lover 30 years from now. And 60 years from now and beyond. I want to feel a deep connection with him our entire lives. I want us to barely be able to keep our hands off of eachother. I want to live a fun, intense, passionate, sexy, beautiful, exciting, peaceful, long life with a strong man who I feel beautiful, sexy, valuable, secure, and fun with.

  44.  #44gina on September 12, 2009 at 1:36 am

    Bullshit. I do not wish him well. I forgot: what I was really pissed about was this…my boss was a cockface about something and I really wish I had said something back to him like “yeah, well I’m gonna tell everyone what a slut you are…if they don’t already have first hand knowledge.” Wow. ladies I’m sorry for that crazy judgmental language. But seriously, that’s what I’m bummed about. I’m angry that I didn’t defeat him. Instead, I said something cutesy. And I’m ticked that made myself small – I will not do that with him anymore. I want as much respect as a girl can get who got f****d by her boss. Seriously, I do. I intend to be out of there soon, but until I leave, I want it to be positive.

  45.  #45gina on September 12, 2009 at 1:42 am

    Up there somewhere I wrote that love with a man is more complete than love with any person “except” God. I meant that a relationship with a man is more intimate than any relationship except with Divine Intelligence in the erotic sense. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, but it bugged me that I made it sound like I think God is a person.

  46.  #46Daria on September 12, 2009 at 3:21 am

    ever since the middle of being in Romania, I don’t know when, but I’ve been feeling naturally more lean back…

    i notice I don’t hint out to men that I want them to call or take me out…

    I don’t feel like I have to keep the conversation going.

    I choose to end it early sometimes… when it feels awkward and I don’t really want to talk

    I feel fine, more than fine Good by myself

    I’m not interested in stuff like the man who almost got married… I don’t feel like I ‘lost’ something

    I feel slow, in a sensual magic way. I feel truly Goddess like.

    tonite I meditated and went to talk to my stranger, a huge giant frog that wanted to swallow me… hehe…

    he agreed to help me be whole,

    and the next thing I knew… I was releasing one of those “past life things” … it would have been more scary but didn’t feel as scary now… it was like a man who was dressed crazy torturing me… it seemed like I was an early Christian and he was dressed up as a scary vampire/joker looking dude, and he even Bit me… he kept telling me to be frightened, repulsed, and intending that (when doing the release if hear… I feel frightened it’s cuz the other person is telling or intending it… I released a bunch of scary stuff before I realized he was really a man, torturing me, not an actually weird scary thing… also I was drugged in this, so that made everything rather more scary of course…

    I now realize why I am so scared of ghosts and stuff… there was much more to release but I did part of it for now… and already feel calmer

    these may not be past lives, but simply ways my unconscious (and my body, which may be one and the same) chooses to present teh fears, sorrows, and things holding me back, that i can release… because after releasing the scenes change… it does actually feel reassuring in a way to think of these as past lives… or genetic memories

    my subconscious also talked to me after this, sounding much like the frog, which felt reasurring because someone like that on my side feels really safe

    i asked my subconcious what it wanted so that I could progress on my business… and got awesome instructions to organize a curriculum (which i knew) and I asked what do you want so that the part of me that doesn’t want to do this will want to? and it said “a friend” awww… it was ok with any kind of friend, so I will be taking a spirit (imaginary?) friend with me to the library… which will probably turn into a real physical friend, because that’s what happened last time…


    I’m feeling much more open to women too, and much more secure in the things I say have value, and open to cultures of people without feeling judged…

    I still feel angry when I read stuff that to me seems hurtful or judgemental and uncaring…

    I’m just feeling more relaxed… I talked to my Godsister today and felt Connected… I even told her I feel weird when I get called that “she needs me”… I realized a few minuts ago that maybe its also the way she says it, I realize she really means… “i want your help, can you help me… ” but I feel triggered, and I said something about it… she actually said.. but you never say anything about this… and I said yeah I didn’t want to make a big deal, i mean i realize the kids need stuff and your car is not working so it makes sense to ask me… but yeah it felt so good to say this it like cleared space for me and her to connect…

    oh also I found out finally from my frog Stranger, that my witty sarcasm and teasing of men, which I thought was my best flirting, but have put on hold in order to lean back, is actually a defense! yay… i found this because I noticed myself wanting to make witty sarcastic comments to guy who almost got married when I felt angry at him… and after frog Stranger talked to me I just realized it, I kinda saw myself in these situations and how it was a protection, the way chatting a lot is a protection…

    I feel more comfy with quietness… and letting men have the last word, not commenting even on what they say if it’s not directed to me in a commenting way… and Guess what… I had a long and good convo with one of my best guy friends, normally I wouldve been interrupting and the energy would be cut off, but instead he kept writing and writing… when I woud not respond… and then my responses felt much better and I even felt heard and connected here…

    heres a Cute story about a man… my guy friends like I’ve said are natural players… but not bad men at all. So he tells me he’s found a girl he really likes (I’ve never heard him say that… usually its oh my gosh my boss is so hot I want to bang her) … so I felt surprised…

    heres the cute part… she said she likes Mercedes…

    now to me I would think a man would get all insecure that he doesnt have one, and feel like he cant measure up, or judge the woman etc.

    so he found a Picture of a Mercedes and sent it to her! Awww! And she LOVED it! of course! that is sooo cute, I feel touched and smily and almost teary

  47.  #47Daria on September 12, 2009 at 3:34 am

    also I realize how often my guy friends exercise their feminine energy… like they are fun, and playful, and act like girls should take care of them… but then they seem to really actually like girls who make them be in their masculine through boundaries.

    and I realize we are all feminine and masculine of course. And some women might really be feeling ok in predominantly masculine, and they would have great relationships with men who are more predominantly in their feminine. But I, who was predominantly in my masculine, was Not attracted to men in their feminine. I’ve always wanted a man who can dominate me, who can “best” me in a swordfight or what not. So therefore I truly want to be the feminine partner, and it feels really relaxing to sink into that now.

    My dad always jokes around and picks on me and teases me, and I do it back, which taught me a lot about being in my masculine… but i didn’t learn as much about being in my feminine when it came to relating with him. which is cool cuz i can learn now… im learning how to relate with the world from my feminine. which actually makes all my masculine sides totally ok, and not like a waste of time that I learned that way. The masculine does not become obsolete when I am in my feminine. It is included. ah. yum.

  48.  #48Flipper on September 12, 2009 at 3:48 am

    Wow Linda – Fabulous!!!! Did that ever work wonders: sharing on here how bad you were feeling and just letting yourself feel overcome by it. I could feel it from here and wanted to follow your example for myself. Not skipping to fix-it/why-me? defensive mode, just sinking down there with it and riding it out. And that got you what? The most amazing result none of us could have imagined (except prolly Rori)!!!! It sounds like being in touch with all those terrible feelings somehow released all your deepest resources, which then went to work for you double-time in their most brilliant, creative, can-do way, without having to consciously make it happen.

    Oh Tina, I hear you – that describes so well my own feelings. So what if I’m not quite there yet with accepting everything about myself? – other people just better pay attention to what I am okay with (and all the rest, to boot!)

  49.  #49alias girl on September 12, 2009 at 4:01 am

    thank you for bringin people into my life that i appreciate and appreciate me. thank you for giving me a foundation of support so that i feel buffered and less triggered by the people of the world who aren’t that enthusiastic about me (hard to believe for me)

    thank you for teaching me how to respectfully draw boundaries so i can feel safe receiving all kinds of love and adoration.

    thank you for helping me vibrate at a vibration that really feels good and fun and exciting and enthusiastic.

    thank you for helping me connect to people with my authentic self. thank you for removing ick situations from my life. i feeeelllllll ssssooooooooo grateful. i feel so grateful i could drop to my knees in the grocery aisles and start praising all that is.

    thank you thank you thank you. thank you for helping me heal and giving me this safe space and time to do it. i feel so grateful. thank you for removing me from that environment. i am such a better happier person. i feel so GRATEFUL. OMG. i feel overcome with gratitude. i feel so much happier now. i feel a little bruised up and a little shy like i used to be but i still feel a thousand times better than being in that place. i feel like a was released early from a prison sentence. i did not know how i would ever leave there. now i am free. i feel free. no matter what i feel better than being there. thank you.

    thank you for the fork in the road and this new direction i am headed in. THANK YOU!!!!

    thank you for helping me move on from my past. my exes included. i do not feel tied to any of them. i truly do not want any of them. wow. writing all this down i feel amazed at the shift that has occured.

    funny story: once i became aware of my own narcissism and sort of curbed that behavior and also stopped putting up with bullying — wala my neighbor suddenly moved away. in fact miraculously all of those personality types were poof removed from my life rather quixckly and efficiently.

    i feel very grateful. i feel like i sound like a broken record but i feel ok about that.

    thank you for my awareness about how what i am being is going to affect what i attract. and am attracted to. i feel attracted to shy but loveable puppylike people. thank you for bring those types of people into my existence so i can have fun puppylike playmates.

  50.  #50alias girl on September 12, 2009 at 4:03 am

    FLIPPER!! i swear to goodness i was just thinking about you! and you posted! ok. now i’m going to go read what you wrote! i am psychic!

  51.  #51Flipper on September 12, 2009 at 6:21 am

    Hey Alias Girl – I just love your gratitude posts. I always feel grateful for them and take a moment to be grateful about my life, too.

  52.  #52gina on September 12, 2009 at 8:19 am

    okay, so I’m calming from my tempest last night. I’m glad I got some of that sorted out cause i was feeling the possibility of me telling a new guy about how I regret sleeping with the last couple of guys, bla bla bla – unattractive and weird. I’d rather say, “I’ve realized that I want the next person I sleep with to be my husband” – that way I can feel good about the lessons I’ve learned from negative experiences, rather than share those negative experiences as identity defining stories.

  53.  #53gina on September 12, 2009 at 8:20 am

    your story about turning reality around rocks. very cool.

  54.  #54Linda on September 12, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Hey, I slept like a rock. Woke up wishing I had a handsome, totally in to me man next to me and was going to spend the day with him, but that is on my to do/wish list. In the meantime I am thankful that I had a great nites sleep, and it was not interrupted by someones….snoring or incessent need for a TV to be on to fall asleep. (Totally ugh lol).

    Daria, thank you for being happy for me and saying so. I read your posts and am amazed at the things you think and feel. I get tickled when I read the things that you find repulsive or turn you off about a guy. We all do it we may not say or admit it, but somehow reading yours makes me more aware of my internal thought and feeling process. As I have shared and have been tagged here by you as the “Linda way” (feels amusing to me to type that)… just tell them the truth. Be kind, but honest and true to yourself always. I hate drama and I dont want to create any for anyone. ” I am not feeling attracted to you” is better than side stepping, silence, or being nice and going through a date where all you want is for it to be over. LOL After going on a few dates like that I would rather just not go than try it and see. I clearly see that by going anyway, my first impressions always rang true and the extra time just confirmed it. So now I just skip the extra time investment. I have given myself permission to trust my inner voice.

    Flipper your are right. I never in a million years would have thought that sinking down into all the muck, feeling the soup and not having no energy to expend trying to fix it would indeed fix it. So weird! I got what I needed, and it fell right into my lap.

    I am just going to keep being honest, giving my best, following my gut and being true to me. When I went to my bosses, I was the strongest I have ever been on the inside and soft on the outside. I tried this with the man I was with. I got different results. He is gone again, I have not heard from him now for 2 weeks. I am glad, the stress of his issues and his cants and this is missing was so damn narsasitic. I sent him an email, simply telling him how I felt. I felt strong on the inside, being vunerable and exposing my true feelings….Strong on the inside, soft on the outside. He has not responded. But I know this, he thinks about me and probably will haunt him in some ways. It is okay though, I felt my feelings and shared them. It was all about me being real and finding the courage to do it, irreguardless of the outcome. It was not about me getting what I hoped for but about me upholding my principle of being genuine always. I am proud of myself. I dont feel unworthy and a reject because I did not get a favorable response. Character was revealed, his…and mine. Because of my sharing and his response (or lack thereof) I knows that I cant be with him. Even though we could fit together like a hand and glove, we dont now
    I will never wonder, what if I left no stone unturned for me. My spirit is clear and I am not wrestling inside with anything. That FEELS GOOD.


  55.  #55Linda on September 12, 2009 at 8:54 am

    Gina… everything in life presents us with an opportunity to learn. You have definatley learned by your experience here. It will help you draw boundries and set goals for yourself. As you have already been working through and seeing. The process if a beautiful inspiring thing for me to read as you do. That is growing and becoming a stronger you at its best!!! Dont beat yourself up, hug yourself for your self revelation. Maybe you should write a letter to yourself and then read it. Document your revelations about the experience so you can revisit it and never forget or degrade the importance of your resolve now.

    Sometimes I go back and read my warrior woman post here. I dont feel like her often but reading it reminds me that I am truely her irreguardless of my circumstances that day. I guess my warrior woman marched right in with me to work too…. I like her. She is wise and guides me even when nothing around me appears like I will get what I need or arrive at my goal.


  56.  #56Linda on September 12, 2009 at 9:03 am

    Alias girl…. I feel thankful too. Thank you for sharing. An attitude of gratitude changes perspective like switching a light on.

    My date last night said, there are people around us that have it so much harder than we do and the things we are upset about and take for granted or want to change are the very things they would be soo grateful to have. Like, we want a happy fullfilling relationship and focuss on our misery about not having that, taking so much we do have and should be thankful for for granted. He told me he was supposed to meet a gal not long ago but for various reasons did not work out. She had to have some surgery and was not feeling well, come to find out she had cancer, had to quit her job and may not live…. he said how shallow of him to not be happy and take so much for granted.

    I might feel like I am failing because I dont have the relationship I want but there is so much more that is good. FOr that I am grateful.

    Thanks for the post and reminder.


  57.  #57Erika on September 12, 2009 at 9:22 am

    Thanks, everyone.

    I feel delighted by the reawakening of my lower chakras. It feels very exciting. I feel like taking on several lovers, but only ones who are offering me high intensity presence so I can continue to heal through sex.

    Also, I wanted to put in a plug for taking all these new skills back to our families of origin. I am now realizing that most of the toxic patterns that I played out with men in my life came from my parents and siblings … and I’m now confronting them directly about these patterns and finding that my anger is rooted there rather than the present moment.

    I’ve basically told my dad that I am no longer willing to tolerate his broken promises, that it has wreaked havoc in my relationships with men, and that if he would like to have a good relationship with me, these patterns will have to change. I’ve made it clear that I will no longer be turning a blind eye to the toxic garbage in the family dynamics. This has not been an easy conversation, but it feels very liberating because I am *finally* speaking my truth.

  58.  #58Erika on September 12, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Wow, I’m going to be coaching my dad how to “man up” so that I can attract a man who mans up. How strange life feels sometimes.

  59.  #59Linda on September 12, 2009 at 9:36 am

    One more thing… There are so many insecure people in this world. They are unable to be genuine, honest, love, be giving because they simply can’t take the risk of being vunerable or facing their own short commings and things they dont like about them selves. So instead they put on a mask, and live in pretense, live beyond their means, even dish out “BS” in order to make it through a day. Anything to keep your attention away from what they lack. There is so much “BS” in this world. So many plastic people.

    I dont want to be one of them. I have vowed never to be. It is so much better to embrace what you lack, admit it, your fears, your needs, not be anything you’re not. I want to be one of those people who others are refreshed by because have encountered someone “real”. It is a gift we give to ourselves and to them. Be what you desire in your life and it will draw it to you. If I want a real person to love and blend my life with, then I need to be just that. I want to be that real refreshing, long cool drink of water in the middle of a dessert, I dont want to be a mirage.

    Wow it feels good to share my philosphy on life today. Being open, real, honest and vunerable is not weak or gulible it is strong and uncommon. Isnt this what we crave? Isnt this what we all are thirsty for?


  60.  #60Rori Raye on September 12, 2009 at 11:57 am

    Go Erika!

  61.  #61alias girl on September 12, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    i don’t want toxic environments or people anymore. i went to another new social event today.ugh. i knew from before i stepped into the dirty shabby smelly place that it was not for me. but i stayed. it was not a match. i did not listen to my rori voice saying if it feels bad it is ok to leave.

    because i have avoided people and situations so much of my life i want to be careful not to just isolate and avoid. BUT THESE WERE NOT MY PEOPLE. this smelly dirty environment was not for me.i feel good with cleanliness and positivty. ok

    now i am CLEAR. thank you for providing this one final exagerrated situation so i can know FOR SURE. What i like and what i don’t. i like clean. i like wealth. i like things that are kept up nice. i like positive people and positive conversations about positive things. ok.

    THANK YOU. this was super fabulous. now i am feel confident i am attracting what i like. it’s like with the men. eventually i was clear on what were immediate dealbreakers. i no longer had to suffer through and wonder what the message was. the message today was I DON’t want this. i want clean and feeling good. this sounds mean but even the people smelled bad. 9I have a very sensitive sense of smell. and i could smell individual people from like two places over. ugh. not bad people just not my people. thank you. onward to more satsifying puppylike playmates. thank yoou.

  62.  #62Tori on September 12, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    I am in love with my best friend. I am deeply in love its depressing. I have no possible way of telling if he likes me. I know for sure that I cannot tell him how I feel because I am incredibly shy. He has never had a girlfriend before, and I have never had a boyfriend before either. He is a christian and I think that’s why he dose not date anyone. It’s killing me not knowing. I am always thinking about him every second of the everyday. I believe that it’s time for answers. He sometimes tells me that he loves me and he hugs me. He dose not do that to the other girls. All his friends are girls. I need some guidance.

  63.  #63alias girl on September 12, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    hmm. well a man just made all the right moves. he flirted. and then made his way over to me. struck upp a conversation. asked me if i’d like to see him again. i said yes and WAITED until he asked for my number. i WAITED for him to lead.

    he kept telling me i am beautiful. ok i feel a little schlumpy dorky today but i suppose that’s its own beauty.

    hmmm. so i feel good. not really even that nervous even when the straw i was playing with slipped out of my hands and basically sprayed him with my spit.

  64.  #64alias girl on September 12, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    hah i am in one of my favorite stores right now and the song a remake of the song that says “baby you should let me love you” “love you” “let me be the one to give you everything you want and need” “let melove let love you let melove letme love you”

  65.  #65Rori Raye on September 13, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Welcome, Tori, and I hope what you read here will help you. Love, Rori

  66.  #66Flipper on September 13, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    Alias Girl – Sounds like the Universe’s DJ got his cue just right! It made me feel good that you were thinking of me the other day, but I feel even happier that you have something even more interesting to think about today….’let me love you, love you’ ….oh yeah, baby ……

  67.  #67alias girl on September 13, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    haha! thanks flipper. i felt so good when that song came on because it really did feel like the universe DJ. it just hit me just right. i feel so yae! that you got the sense of it. i feel like i shared something with a friend and they “got” it. 🙂

    yeah it was totally weird. i thought of you and then you posted. and it’s not like i think of you all the time when i am posting and it’s not like you post frequently so i just felt like WOW! THERE’S FLIPPER!!!

    Welcome Tori! I’m not sure if you have rori’s ebook yet but it gives you a foundation on using feeling messages and stuff and then practice practice practice… and use “I FEEL” statements any chance you get.

    and then you will probably begin to be able to communicate with your male friend in a way that feels good and empowering for you.