Love and Mistakes

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girl-horseI mess-up all the time. Sometimes it’s just not leaving enough time to do something, or faulty prioritizing, or forgetting something at the market. Sometimes I actually hurt someone’s feelings. Sometimes I’m oblivious to what’s going on, and sometimes I just put my foot in it.

So what’s the message when my foot’s in my mouth?

I think everything that shows up in our lives is either a mirror or a message, and there’s always a lesson, and there’s always a take-away.

Most of the time these days, I’ve noticed the message coming in loud and clear: Pay attention! Be aware! Look around! Be here now!

Unfortunately, once my foot is in my mouth, or I’m sprawled on the pavement, or my husband is staring at me as though I’ve just committed murder, it’s a little late to process the message. A little late to undo the error. Oh, for do-overs.

So what, exactly, is a mistake, and what is a fair price to pay for making one?

I’ve come to think of a mistake as thinking a little bit too hard about me.

Sometimes what’s a mistake to one person is a boon to another, and some mistakes turn out to be lucky intuition, like the artist of any medium who forges a new road from his soul by mistakenly taking the wrong turn.

I can think of every man in my life until my lovely husband as a mistake. I can think of every man in my life as some kind of lesson. As a stepping-stone, a passage. Or I can see that every man in my life was exactly right for me at any given moment, and all I needed to do was see his message.

The message might have been Alright. Thank you for attending. Now you can move on. Or it might have been, I’m not supposed to go any further, please proceed without me. Or This is a very nice place to be, so sorry you’re not ready yet. I must have come across many men I couldn’t have, not because they wouldn’t want me, but because they knew I didn’t want me.

How to tell the difference between the mistake, the mirror and the message?

The mirror shows you where you are, the mistake shows you where you’ve been, and the message invites you to go where you want to be. I listen to them all, but I look for messages. Sometimes I can’t see them or hear them or feel them, because I’m too absorbed in the mirror, or too despondent over the mistake.

The thing about messages is, in order to see them, you have to be still.

In order to hear them, you have to be quiet.

And in order to feel them, you have to be in your body.

Mistakes are a loss of attention. They throw us off the gameboard into the sand trap. They’re us trying to take charge of the brave and thoughtful horse we’re riding, the horse who really knows the way, and steering him off course into the woods because we thought we saw a turn back there we missed.

The fastest way out of a mistake is to fight. Going dead inside and numb and depressed gets us deeper into the quagmire. Fighting is recovering our self- esteem by topping accusing ourselves – How could I have done that? or denying responsibility – It wasn’t my fault! or taking on responsibility that isn’t ours – It was all my fault…or lying to others – I didn’t do that! or lying to ourselves – I don’t care!

Fighting is saying Oh….. and then going down into that Soup of yuck and dread and pain and misery, and guilt, and everything we feel, until we touch love.

Touching love feels like oh, I did that, and I feel love for that person, that thing, or myself, and I feel sad for the pain I caused them, or me, and I’m still a good person, and I still absolutely, completely, deeply and profoundly love and accept myself. Touching love is all of a sudden stopping the resistance of that knot in your belly, and just feeling what you feel.

It’s stopping smiling, blaming, counting, imagining, justifying, excusing, making up stuff, wishing, hoping, and everything else and just feeling the weight of not feeling good. For maybe a good solid moment. And then, getting back on the horse, and riding it out of the sand and onto the road. The moment you turn to the horse and say, I’ve made a mistake and I can still ride like the wind, time starts again, the weather starts again, and the message signs all around start blinking.

A Message is another chance to pay attention. Another chance to dance with what shows up. Another chance to enjoy the moment. Another chance to catch another Message. And the message always is: There will always be mistakes, and mirrors and messages, because our lives are always moving, and we will never learn everything there is to learn.

Sometimes the Mistake IS the Message.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Daria on October 21, 2009 at 2:48 pm


  2.  #2FEMENERGYLOVE on October 21, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    wow rori…never thought about mistakes and messages that way.will have to think about everything now and see what i can learn.Thankyou.

  3.  #3FEMENERGYLOVE on October 21, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    why is it so hard to fight?to fight the depression,the soggy feeling.the tension in the shoulders?sinking into the pudding,feels like pudding and not soup….

  4.  #4laughing goddess on October 21, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I feel sooooo happy to be back here. I have been feeling overwhelmed and busy and also productive and good. I have been feeling love, loved, and loving. I feel fun.

    Mistakes….oooo, they feel good too. In the past couple of weeks I feel great about the way I have been dealing with my mistakes. I used to feel down for a long time. Now I feel better that I am recovering much quicker.

    I feel so grateful to the universe, god, my higher self. I feel loved and provided for. I feel excited for the NOW. I feel so happy that I have been spending a lot of time with J. I feel hopeful. I feel loved. I feel turned on. I feel amazing. I feel attracted and attractive. I feel good. I feel really really good.

    I feel trusting that the universe is always looking out for my own good. I feel safe. I feel wanting to be aware of the messages. I feel desiring to stay tuned in to the good that is out there. I feel awesome. I feel hopeful. I feel present. I feel good. I feel really really good. I feel thankful. I feel loved and cared for, not just by J but by myself, and the universe as well. I feel knowing that I am safe and provided for always.

    I FEEL SEXY! and hot and horny. I feel anticipation. I feel sexy and turned on. I feel certain. I feel sure. I feel knowing that everything in the universe is conspiring to give me what I want. I want love, and closeness, and connection.

    I feel sooooo good and hopeful and present and good.

  5.  #5laughing goddess on October 21, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    I feel desiring to share the mantra that I have been using. Normally when I am hanging out with J, I feel insecure and worried, always thinking of what to say to manipulate him into doing what I want.

    But…lately, whenever I find myself going there I just say to myself, “I am with him right now and it feels great” over and over and over and it gets me into the present moment. I feel the shift in our energy. It feels so good and amazing. I can feel his love and attraction for me growing. I have wanted this for so long. I feel certain that it is not about him, it’s about me feel at peace in the moment and that makes me completely irresistable, magnetic, and super attractive.

  6.  #6Daria on October 21, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Yay laughing goddess!! glad you are back it feels yay to read you

  7.  #7laughing goddess on October 21, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    I feel thankful to Rori and all of you goddesses for helping me to get to this place!

  8.  #8alias girl on October 21, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    yae laughing goddess! i feel very excited! hahahahahaha i feel like laughing! hahaha.

  9.  #9alias girl on October 21, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    i love to laugh. sometimes i will do or say things just so i can make myself laugh and i won’t explain it to other people because it will almost ruin the joke. hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    i feel laughing now again too!

  10.  #10tinque on October 21, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    laughing goddess – “I FEEL SEXY! and hot and horny… I feel sexy and turned on…I want love, and closeness, and connection.”
    Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! And when you can grow them together, WOW…

  11.  #11Linda on October 21, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    This is a profound post. Extremely profound. It is going to take me a while to digest it. Mirror, Message, or Mistake.

    Learned to listen for the message, even the learning from a mistake again a message…. the mirror is new for me. A reflection. What I see reflected in my life is good and bad. Some of it I am happy with some not at all.

    I just watched a movie, yeah a sappy chick flick, ” Last chance Harvey”…. the woman in the movie is contemplating marrying this man that she just met… you can see her visibly fighting her fear of being different. She is acustomed to her singlness and disappointment, all the while she is living it she doesnt want to be single and dissapointed with her life, but when she is offered a chance for it to change… she almost cant accept it and pushes it away…. she said”I think I am angry with you for trying to take my dissapointment in life away”…

    SHe was acustomed to disapointment, and her lot in life and in a very sad way gave her comfort. She knew how to behave, react and be…

    That made me think about me. I dont think so but I am going to think about that and this post. I dont want to be like this anymore.

    Targeting Mr Right is about him finding us? His energy coming toward me. Me being my goddess self, being confident, all the things I have been doing… and him finding me. hmmm

    I get this feeling that something is gonna break and I will implode sometimes. Every man is is just right for me at the moment?… Find his message. Well I can find the message, I am still not sure about the other part.

    I will think and feel awhile on all this. Thanks for the message Rori


  12.  #12Bethany on October 21, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    I feel freaked out! This guy I don’t know other than from match texted me a couple times and asked me “so do you live alone or do you have a roomie?” and I felt weird, like, why does it matter, but i texted back “I feel weird answering that because I don’t know you,” and he texted back “ok no big deal just creating conversation…” So I feel bad if I overreacted, but I feel panicky telling some guy I’ve never met in the flesh that I live alone….ugh! I don’t know if that was a mistake, see I always second guess my messages…and my mistakes…and the mirrors! Still feeling my way through.

  13.  #13No Bliss on October 21, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Wow, thats out there, never thought about it like that before..

    gosh now things are really confusing .

  14.  #14Mary Ann on October 21, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    laughing goddess I LOVE this!!

    …I just say to myself, “I am with him right now and it feels great” over and over and over and it gets me into the present moment. I feel the shift in our energy. It feels so good and amazing.

    if we FELT a man we were with was thinking about 20 other things..and we usually know when they are…we would not feel good…men are human…I’m sure they feel good too when we actually focus for a second and listen to them, be with and feel them. To me it would feel connected…I have to keep reminding my brain to slow down all the time but things are much better when I’m focused and present.

  15.  #15Mary Ann on October 21, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    one if my exes was a huge messenger…he’s the one who told me he left because he couldn’t get past my wall. Big eyeopener for me…I’m so thankful for that message and all the wonderful ones I received during my time with him.

  16.  #16FEMENERGYLOVE on October 22, 2009 at 1:05 am

    linda,i feel like the girl in the movie you saw.i think i’m also used to being disappointed.i even know what to do when i am!its sad boyfriend moved away and ends not want a long distance relationship.i can best describe my reaction as shrugging and letting it go.because i expected that to happen.i’m afraid to tell him how i feel.feeling messages are about sharing and not telling.but i dont feel i should be making a speech either since he has told me where he stands and thats that.i dont know how to turn around this thinking i’ll be disappointed.i dont know how.i feel tears in my eyes because what i really want is a man who will finally stick around no matter the distance.i feel sad because i feel i’m the cause of all this happening.i feel maybe i’m not worth sticking around for.why has this happened time and again?the dirt time was with the one man thats still on my horse,with whom i had a long distance relationship with for a while.and yes after reading the posts on this site i was doing everything wrong.i was over functioning so so day he called me and asked if we should see other people.i was devastated.mistake number 67 🙂 was that i kept contact.for what?ugh that was an ugly time in my life.i still get the urge to send him a speech about how hurt and humiliated i was and how i dont like recieving his random emails every few months but i’m afraid.also rori said forget closure and stay on your horse.also i think it would be pretty random to write a speech since we have not been together for about 3 years now.i’m in my pudding and i’m touching everything.i want to be a goddess.for myself.i want to not expect disappointment.i want to be happy.

  17.  #17laughing goddess on October 22, 2009 at 1:40 am

    I feel supported and loved by all of you.

    I feel inspired by the sirens of siren island.

  18.  #18Linda on October 22, 2009 at 4:50 am

    I am mad at dissapointment. NO I am angry at it! I am tired of its companionship. I am sick of it lerking. I must say I do not expect it either. I keep working and trying until I get what I want. Accomplish my goal. I guess that is why I have had such a hard time accepting rejection and actions from the last man I was interested in. I was really drawn to him and he me. When he started behaving wacky, I walked away. He just kept coming back, then I did it a couple of times because I saw and felt value in him and a relationship with us. So much was said and always brought up by him… I can say I NEVER used words that would have self imposed myself in his future but HE did. Up to the last time I saw him he did. That messes with my head and heart. I just did not want to give up. I felt under it all I was in touch with my good, giving, genuine, goddess. She is beautiful and wise, strong and soft. She is unshaken by setbacks and keeps focused. So I have fine tunned her focus. Now it is just on her. She still wants a great relationship, that does motivate her, but it cant be on the relationship she was desiring with him. He is just not ready for a real relationship. No matter how much he danced around it… is isnt serious about it.

    Enjoying the moment is grand. I am easy going but also know if you dont steer your ship you will end up where you dont want to be. Under the surface is my brain, logic, feelings, wants, desires, drive, passions.. they all need to cooperate and work together for me. I think I should call a meeting and get all their attention and say ok gang, step up support the cause… Lets get back on the horse and move on.

    Regroup and remount the horse.

    I am frustrated with the way things are going for me. My job is great, now I am ready for my love life to fall in place too.

  19.  #19Linda on October 22, 2009 at 5:20 am

    The best line in this post is…….It’s stopping smiling, blaming, counting, imagining, justifying, excusing, making up stuff, wishing, hoping and everything else and just feeling the weight of not feeling good”…

    Then… getting back on the horse and riding on. I am tired of thinking and figuring… wishing …. i am just gonna ride.


  20.  #20Simply Shannon on October 22, 2009 at 6:37 am

    Rori: I felt tears come to my eyes reading this post. Gosh what freedom that would be to treat all “mistakes” as simply messages. Just a stepping stone on my path, not right or wrong or a disaster or a regret… just a step forward. That feels very liberating. Thank you.

    Linda: Word for word I feel exactly where you are. Funny how we all float around in life feeling “different” and yet we are all the same. I feel happy to be sharing this journey with you and all the Sirens. I feel normal and it’s such a relief!

  21.  #21Mercedes on October 22, 2009 at 6:46 am

    I’ve always said there are no mistakes, only lessons. I like this better I think: “The mirror shows you where you are, the mistake shows you where you’ve been, and the message invites you to go where you want to be.” Thanks Rori!

    Much Love,

  22.  #22Aggy on October 22, 2009 at 6:58 am

    Waw! Rori this is inspiring, this line made me shade a tear
    ‘I can see that every man in my life was exactly right for me at any given moment, and all I needed to do was see his message.’
    mirror, message, mistake this is good stuff to learn Rori, God bless you soo much
    Love you all


  23.  #23tinque on October 22, 2009 at 7:26 am

    Macrocosm. Microcosm. Your world is a perfect reflection of what’s going on inside. Not always a pretty image, yet it’s a wonderful reminder.
    Whenever my man feel weird or off to me, I look to myself first to see if it’s really me who is really being the weird/off one, and I’ve projected my stuff onto him. Funny I wrote about this last week…

  24.  #24Tracy on October 22, 2009 at 9:57 am

    I am learning not to beat myself up so much about what ii feel as mistakes…i am learning to let go of my past and actually look at it as a stepping stone to a fabulous future ahead of me…..
    Its fabulous to see that once i let go….when i really let go…then the puzzles start fitting themselves in perfectly
    I am even beginning to ask myself why i was putting so much work and taking myself round so much…I feel scared because it feels different but i feel that something within me has a much clearer vision of where i want to go and i need to trust in it to guide me…and i am actually starting to feel the difference and my life is beginning to shape up…
    And with everyday comes a message for me to learn and a better me to become…and the wonderful messages are everywhere for me to see…..

  25.  #25DocK on October 22, 2009 at 11:13 am

    Like Linda, I watched a very sappy, romantic almost to a fault movie. “Persuasion” is another “based on Jane Austen” movie. It was interesting to watch the “lean back” approach from a woman that lived in a time when women had little choice other than to lean back. It had a happy ending – the kind of movie that feels good to me.

  26.  #26Bethany on October 22, 2009 at 11:39 am

    I feel confused about this part: “The message might have been Alright. Thank you for attending. Now you can move on. Or it might have been, I’m not supposed to go any further, please proceed without me. Or This is a very nice place to be, so sorry you’re not ready yet. I must have come across many men I couldn’t have, not because they wouldn’t want me, but because they knew I didn’t want me.” Who is being attended to? Who can move on–Rori or the other person? “This is a very nice place to be, so sorry you’re not ready yet.” Who’s not ready–Rori or the other person? I don’t know why but this is keeping me from fully understanding the article. Is the message from the Universe/God/whatever TO us? Or is it interpersonal between us and whoever? Does it matter?

    I feel like Rori has some piece of the puzzle figured out and I want to JUMP to that space. I feel impatient with all the messages and I want to just GET there. I wonder if this articles is supposed to be a message for me…stop being so impatient?!

    Maybe I feel arrogant. I don’t know. I feel scared of getting caught in the same mistakes. I read Rori’s email about friendships turning into love and I feel annoyed and scared that I may have an obsessive love thing…even though I’m Circular Dating, what if I CAN’T break out of it? That’s part of the reason I want to move so bad. I want MORE options in guys, and I feel like there would be in Minneapolis instead of a tiny SD town. I know there are guys here, but I don’t WANT them…I feel pouty and childish.

  27.  #27gina on October 22, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    I’m really having a hard time with mistakes. I hate to think that I may have missed something. I am forever looking back trying to see what I missed. I feel certain that it’s possible that I DID miss something, and if I could just go back and get it…I guess I’d have it with me on my journey, and the rest of the journey would be enhanced by the valuable things I caught and held on to. I worry that if i leave things behind, they are lost forever, and I missed an opportunity.

  28.  #28Vicki Kerns on October 22, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    Wow! What a great post. I’m going to print it and place it in a couple of vital areas I look at all the time. I am still in the stages of grief from ending a long-time friendship with the Ren Fest man. After everything that happened, the romance last fall, the intense sex that made him back-pedal, the friendship retained, then did friends with benefits, then after one torrid, intense day, he turned away from it without a word or a reason, and I felt that at least as one of my best friends, he shouldn’t have taken the coward’s way out, but he did. And we still remained friends.

    But I can still hear the words in my head that I now know were a lie: “I really think we can have something special down the road.” And I, making yet another mistake, believed them once again. So when I read his Facebook words from last weekend, “I met someone this weekend and I really enjoyed the time I spent with her. God, it’s great being single,” that’s when I knew it was all a lie, an excuse to let him off the hook easy. That was the catalyst that made me e-mail him to tell him that the best thing for me is to sever this friendship.

    I want to look at this post every day, several times a day, because right now I feel like I made so many mistakes, so went out of my boundaries, what I really wanted, and should have held out for without compromising me or my self-respect. I walked away from sex 11 years ago because I was tired of being used and walked away from, and I did the same thing again, this time with someone I loved so much. I’m trying, but it’s very hard not to feel ashamed and beat myself up. I opened myself up to him and shared things with him that I never have with any other man. I know I have to throw myself in the soup and just open up and feel. I do not want to be ashamed for loving someone the way I did him. But I do know the mistakes I made and I know the big message from this most hurtful time is to get a grip, love and take care of myself, and don’t ever let anyone, no matter how you feel about them, make you compromise your values and what you ultimately want. I will never lose sight of that again, for anyone.

    I am grieving, but I am still alive, I am a damn fine woman, I am learning to love and value myself, and a wonderful man who deserves my goddessness will come into my life when I am ready, physically and emotionally! I will get back on my horse and I will ride through this dark valley into the light again.

  29.  #29nikita on October 22, 2009 at 1:07 pm


    So sorry you are not ready yet…..speaks to me. I felt ready to BE with my last man….but he was just not there….he had too much fear…

    Thank-you for attending….could be a date gone awry….you are handsome and thank you for dinner….but none for me thanks…..i don’t feel GOOD WITH YOU….so thanks for attending…so long frog 🙂

    I’m not supposed to go any further could be….”i don’t want to fight and you’re a fighter….I don’t want to control a man so please; carry on without me….
    OR….this guy is totally in love with me and I KNOW i will never be able to return his affections and I have really made an effort to stay open to love….but……it’s not fair to him or me to force it…..I’m not supposed to go any further……please be free to find a woman who can be what you are/where you are….I’m staying/stopping at this point….I wish you the best…

    xx nikita

  30.  #30gina on October 22, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    johnny seemed to say to me “you seemed like a good fit, but then you proved difficult in many ways, and so I chose to cut my losses and move on. It became especially clear when I lost my job. maybe in the future, but I doubt it, and I really don’t care right now because a relationship is not a priority for me at all”

  31.  #31gina on October 22, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    final question about johnny: if/when he does casually contact me in the future, is he in the category of men who I need to say “Hi, it feels great to be in contact again, and yet I know that I still have feelings, so if what you’re looking for here is friendship, I just don’t wish to pursue friendships with men right now, so I wish you well and will not be staying in contact.” ?
    We never had sex and didn’t date exclusively: is this “dump” too severe?

  32.  #32Vicki Kerns on October 22, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    Gina, maybe I’m feeling biased right now because of the “frienship” thing with this last man, but I believe if you still have any deep feelings for this man and all he is offering is friendship, then he’s best left in the past, or until you no longer have feelings.

  33.  #33alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    so long frog 🙂

  34.  #34Dan_Brodribb on October 22, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    @ Bethany

    “So I feel bad if I overreacted, but I feel panicky telling some guy I’ve never met in the flesh that I live alone….ugh! I don’t know if that was a mistake, see I always second guess my messages…and my mistakes…and the mirrors! Still feeling my way through.”

    It’s normal to second-guess yourself. I have often made decisions–especially ones concerning the safety of myself and/or people I care about–and felt silly after.

    But in the end, you have to do what feels right to you and looking after your personal safety is never silly or overreacting.

    Kudos to you.


  35.  #35Flipper on October 22, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    Bethany – Your decision was felt through, and sounded like common sense to me, the more so because you Are living alone. So feel good about first-guessing the right thing for you. This is about Your Boundary, not anyone else’s real or inferred take on the situation.

  36.  #36laughing goddess on October 22, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    Alias girl: I feel so great when I laugh also. It is one of my very favorite things to do!!! I

    Daria: As always, I feel yay as well when I read your posts!

    Tinque: Yes! Growing them together feels amazing…so so amazing!

    Mary Ann: I feel in agreement with what you said about how we can feel when the man we are with isn’t present as well. I feel happy that I checked in and reread these comments because I realized that I haven’t been doing my mantra today. I feel excited to get back into it and feel the energy shift!

    Linda: That was my favorite line in Rori’s blog as well!

  37.  #37nikita on October 22, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    LOL AG 🙂 LOL

  38.  #38Daria on October 22, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    So a man I havent met but talked to online and on the phone offered to help me with money because he’s financially well off…

    Umm so i said thank you and I feel scared

    so now I feel scared because I would love help but I feel uncomfortable accepting it, from him a man i just met

    but this is what i wanted



  39.  #39Tina on October 22, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    I woke up feeling ok,just ok, then I started washing dishes waiting for my coffee to brew (mixed with decaf) I started to feel sad , I even cried a little (I’m laughing at my self now.) It was heavy, I read the blog, kinda and I thought to myself , Did I just take the wronge turn my whole life! To be honest I’ve been afraid of commitment my whole life, with people in general and love relationships. I do pick men that I feel is defective in some way usually shows up at some point then I run. The thought or idea of staying in a relationship with one man scares the crap out of me, I feel suffocated, I feel paralyzed. I pick this guys on purpose. Now I just have creepy guy calling me all hours of the day, the one I cancelled out on. He called me three times in a row, he usually does, I feel put off by his calls now, I’ve started calling him creepy guy, I’m sure he isnt, more like obsessive calling. I feel like I know why he is calling, to backtrack and say he didnt say that about my room he reserved for me at this event, he is going alone to this thing, well now he is. He is trying to save his male ego and image in front of the other men that are going to be there. It’s a huge politcal thing, fck him , I’m not going! I feel unsafe, I dont like men telling me things then trying to shake me up by pulling stunts like this grrrrrrr.

  40.  #40Tina on October 22, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    I cancelled the flight, he knows , to damn bad for him. I’m not going damn it! I feel really pissed off. Men their purse strings suck! I never asked him to pay for my flight or my reserve a room for me in the first place I want to scream in his face, fck you Ahole!

  41.  #41alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    and the suspense the suspense oh the suspense just What will alias girl, the stupendous magician, pull out of her hat???

    a wad of money?
    a new home?
    a dedicated lover?
    a fulfulling sense of purpose?
    a record deal and a divinely inspired singing voice?
    a book deal?

    what will it be? what will it be?

    some unforseen magical surprise that pleases her beyond the point she thought she could feel so pleased?

    a puppy? a trip to hawaii? free rent for a year?

    a bra that fits comfortably?

    what? what?

    stay tuned…

  42.  #42Ann on October 22, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    tinque says:
    Whenever my man feel weird or off to me, I look to myself first to see if it’s really me who is really being the weird/off one, and I’ve projected my stuff onto him. Funny I wrote about this last week…

    Thanks Tinque I’ve been wondering the past few days, if things I was seeing in other people were a reflection of myself. Now with this post, Mercedes last post(on her blog), and your comment above it feels like the universe is saying face your own insecurties, everyone has them.

    I just open your blog I want to read your post also.


  43.  #43gina on October 22, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    I have a date in an hour. here’s to NEW mistakes!!! Woohoo!! I’d like to say right now that I don’t intend to make the same old mistakes. That means no putting my scary face on, tryin’ to test a man’s balls by being as bizarre as possible, and then bein like “call me!”

    think before I speak.



    have fun.

    love myself up.

  44.  #44Tina on October 22, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    I’m learning a new song haha. I could do this all night , sing til the cows come home! It’s a song called CRY haha. I used to sing as a little girl in the woods, along with my sisters. I remember at 15 yrs.old a young boy called my house and asked me if I wanted to go for a motorcycle ride to get some ice cream, he said soft ice cream, I said um ok. He was masculine energy, we met swimming at a camp on a lake. he swam up to me and did these really cool dives in the water. I just sat and watched, he watched me while he swam, cool guy his name was danny. I want my danny back! We never did go on that date because I was TOLD to say no , awe I feel bad for saying no to danny. I can remember all the details about our meeting and it was all male energy coming from him way cool.

  45.  #45Tina on October 22, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    lol Gina, have a great time!

  46.  #46Tina on October 22, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    Alias girl some cool bras would feel nice!

  47.  #47Nikita on October 22, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    Listening to George Michael “Faith”……
    On the road 🙂
    My Iron Horse

  48.  #48Tina on October 22, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    I’m hiding in my oyster shell for now *slams the shell shut.

  49.  #49gina on October 22, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    WOW!!! Yesterday I texted Johnny “why so mean lately” and I didn’t hear back from him till just now. He wrote:

    “Gina, I’m sorry if I come across as mean, this is not my intention. This is a very difficult time for me and honestly i was a bit spurned by your recent invitation that devolved into a casual “tag along if you’d like.” I’ve never spared you individual time or respect, so I was affronted by your nonchalance.”


    So then I said “Oh Johnny I’m so sorry. I absolutely wanted to spend time with you, but I had the impression that you had lost interest in me, so I made plan to ensure that I would feel okay either way. But I have missed you and it feels good to think that you did want to see me. I’m sad there’s been a misunderstanding.”

    He said: “Misunderstandings are bred out of silence…..and sometimes texting.”

    I said: “I hear that. Amen.”

    He said: “What’s your foreseeable schedule like?”

    I said: “I’m free Sunday. It would feel great to see you.”

    man I feel like a load just lightened off of my whole self. I can’t believe all this worrying amounted to this texting. phew.

  50.  #50gina on October 22, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    and now he’s asking me to drive to him on sunday. boo. and I would compromise by taking the train, but there is no train service on Sundays. do I want to drive???

  51.  #51gina on October 22, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    yeah it feels worthwhile for me to drive. sheesh.

  52.  #52Daria on October 22, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    I had a guess he would say that Gina!

    I felt compelled to write… “wait.. you forgot about the driving!”

    But then I decided not to in case it would “jinx” it.


    Personally I would say:

    I feel bad and I really want to see you! At this time I just don’t feel good driving to a man. It feels so unfeminine! And actually, I’m starting to feel angry and turned off when I get asked that…

    I’m feeling kind of drained and hopeless now…

    what do you think?

  53.  #53Daria on October 22, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    or of course you can drive if you want to Gina.

    That’s just what I would say.

    I’ve been saying it a LOT.

    The universe seems to not really believe me. It’s been tricking me lately.

    It’s sent me well off men who just got a DUI two months ago, or men who had a car that was just stolen last month, or men who have a car that might overheat long distance, or men who have a car who don’t feel comfortable driving in my neighborhood, or men who are well off yet live in nearby cities where they don’t have a car because they use public transportation… or



    It’s serious to me. I am not driving to men lol.

    The universe is going to get me. I feel like its playfully joking with me right now.

    I mean come on… A BANKER who just got a DUI… geez

    what are the chances lol

  54.  #54gina on October 22, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Daria, that is exactly how I feel and I can’t believe we are still on the driving thing…but my desire to see him and talk it out in person outweighs my lack of desire to drive. I look forward to being calm and collected as I share my feelings (as opposed to the last time – apparently he didn’t even hear what I was saying beneath the emotion I was expressing). In spite of the driving, I feel good.

  55.  #55Tina on October 22, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    I have my internet up and my songs with me in my shell ha! I feel really confused about the mirror , I get mistakes and messages but mirror no.

  56.  #56Nikita on October 22, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Tina is a pearl 🙂 Tina is a pearl 🙂

  57.  #57Tina on October 22, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Gina, if you feel you must then go ahead, mistakes are a part of life, we make mistakes, we learn, we grow its a cycle, just do it! Go see him, tell him how you feel, its not going to change anything. The thing is it’s an instruction, he gave you an instruction, I think*. I could be wrong, but from what I understand, its ok to go see him , if he has specially asked you to come to him kinda like , make me a sandwich, unless it feels bad to you then dont do it.

  58.  #58gina on October 22, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    did he do that on purpose? is this a trap? OMG this is infuriating. I’m stopping this line of thinking right now – I’m going on Sunday, see how it feels, and then move on from there. hrumph!

  59.  #59Daria on October 22, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Gina what about “next time” when he asks you to drive again?

    For me I’ve noticed that when I’ve visited men… even if I was doing it for me

    because I happened to for example… be passing through their neighborhood and they called and guided me to delicious chinese food

    Then they had a much harder time coming to see ME if at all (has it EVER happened? well maybe Indiana guy… but even he only did it now and then)

    For example chinese food guide has nto come to see me although he texted me today and has a car

    None of the men i’ve visited have turned into coming to see me men, (except indiana guy who did a few times)

    So if I go to see a man I kinda guess that it will take about twice as long the amount of time until he comes to see me… after I make it clear I no longer want to drive

    Also they keep asking and asking, often even after I’ve told them that it makes me feel bad…

    “But please baby come see me… come see me… I would but only if i had a running car… oh i have the house to myself… oh oh…”



    Universe please send me sexy attractive men that will want to do the “work” of dating me including picking me up

    Thank you!!!!

  60.  #60Linda on October 22, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Mr Scrutiny hid his profile on POF. This makes me very curious. He read my email but has not responded. I feel great that I am on my horse but never closed the door to a relationship with him…. What was his message to me? I know what mine was to him. But I cant think on it anymore. I makes me spin my wheels in the sand and then I grind to a halt.

    I am feeling my feelings in the soup. I am peaceful feeling , no more excuses, rationalizing… just feeling. I feel a riff coming on. But I need sleep, I will do it in bed and snuggle with my dog while I am doing it. If I cry he will gladly lick my tears. This dog of mine… he has licked thousands of tears….I love my dog.

    That makes me remember one time how Mr Scrutiny caught my tears with his fingers before they dripped off my face. That was a tender memory of him I cherrish.

    When we are good to people and they reject us… does our goodness haunt them (in a good way)… I know it would haunt me. Some things that people think are precious I dont understand…. they dont see a diamond when they hold it in their hands.

    I am off to bed… me and my feelings and my little loyal companion. I am feeling at peace.


  61.  #61Tina on October 22, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    I”m a pearl! I’m a pearl! 🙂

  62.  #62alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    tina is a pearl! tina is a pearl!!!!!

  63.  #63Nikita on October 22, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Hehehe 🙂

  64.  #64Daria on October 22, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    i feel angry!!

    I feel angry paying bills!
    I feel angry ppl dont come thru for me

    I feel angry in my hosue I FEEL JUDGED AND PRESSSED DOWN!!!

    and no one is saying anything




  65.  #65Daria on October 22, 2009 at 8:39 pm





  66.  #66Kaitlyn on October 22, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    Daria, I feel the same issue about the driving. When a man gives me excuses, I just sweetly say, “If another time is better for you to come see me, I completely understand.”

    Now regarding the internet guy who wants to send you money, receive receive, I say. There are actually some well off men out there who do not expect anything in rturn and just enjoy being generous. Receive and say thank you. Simple.

  67.  #67Nikita on October 22, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    I am definitely on the receiving end …..feels good…..
    F*£k pride 🙂

  68.  #68alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    i don’t feel like i want to go with fright fest guy. nononononononononono. blah. i feel blah. talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalk at me for endless hours at an amusement park. no.

    i felt angry just in a ten minute call with him. finally i just stopped responding with mhm and yes and mhm. and just was silent and he said my phone was breaking up. i said my phone is not breaking up. and then i bit my tongue because i felt like saying something rude.

    and that’s when i decided i didn’t want to go. blech.

    the cost seemed too high for me.

  69.  #69alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    oohh i feel good about myself. i just called back frightfest guy and told him i felt ccompletely disconnected and didn’t really know if that’d be a good match.

    but i would have been open to a conversation (ie WHY did you feel disconnected? etc)

    and he just said ok, that’s cool. and then he started to speak some more and i just said “ok, cool. take care.” and then we said bye.

    there was some weird energy there. blech.

    so long frog.

  70.  #70alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    i just called firghtfest guy back and told him i felt disconnected and wasn’t sure that was a match.

    he said ok, that’s cool.

    i said ok, cool.

    bleh. i just saved myself three years off my life listening to some disconnected ramblings for an entire evening.

    i felt like i didn’t exist for him. i felt my goddessness would have been completely wasted.

  71.  #71Kaitlyn on October 22, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    Started up my circle tonight to circular date. It feels good to receive.

  72.  #72alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    oh ok two different versions of the same. one is the edited version because when the first one delete itsel (or so i thought) i was so ver it already i was like ugh to write it again.

    i feel very good to have called him back. i feel brave and grown up and respectful.

  73.  #73Rori Raye on October 22, 2009 at 10:37 pm

    Bethany – that was the EXACT CORRECT RESPONSE!!! YAYYY!!! It just feels wrong to you because you’re not used to telling the truth. Totally great, and his reaction was totally great…Love, Rori

  74.  #74Daria on October 22, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    offering money guy was supposed to call me today after work to come see me on public transportation but did not although he did seem to log in online.

    feel bad family people are communicating very not feeling messagy i feel kinda discouraged

    feel good about my cooking skills making old frozen too sweet pie pieces into edible goodies by adding sour cream

  75.  #75Daria on October 22, 2009 at 10:40 pm



  76.  #76Daria on October 22, 2009 at 10:43 pm








    ok i feel scared im gonna die now

  77.  #77Daria on October 22, 2009 at 10:44 pm





  78.  #78Daria on October 22, 2009 at 10:47 pm





    FUCK U






















    FUCK U

    FUCK U

  79.  #79Daria on October 22, 2009 at 10:51 pm




















  80.  #80alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    i feel love 4 u ms daria and i am a part of LIFE. and speaking as the segment of life that i am representing i just want to say i feel love and i feel supportive and dreams can come true and you are very talented and Life would just be SO much less fun without you.

  81.  #81Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    Thanks Alias Girl. Glad you came in here to say hi. I feel bad the bathroom is a mess. I am just a fly on the wall and cant really clean it up. But thanks for flushing.

    I guess another part of life got mad because the other computer started selecting stuff and wouldn’t let me type properly. So i had to switch over here

    Well I don’t really hate life. Just wanted to express something that wanted to be expressed.

    Actually I love life although that feels icky rihgt now for some reason.

    I love my ickiness and that feels like wanting to throw up.

    Thank you non organic cake. I love you and bless you, its not your fault you are not organic, you are doing your best. Thanks for becoming part of me .

  82.  #82laughing goddess on October 22, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    Daria: I feel agreeing with alias girl. I feel love and appreciation and admiration for you. I also feel awesome that you are expressing yourself. It feels so awesome and real. I feel hopeful to hear some more. Get it all out!

    I feel wanting to squeeze and hug you and dance around and bash things and eventually fall down laughing…maybe alias girl wants to come too!

  83.  #83Tina on October 22, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    My power was shut down for a while, I left my profile “unhidden” lol oh when I got back online a really sweet looking man messaged me 🙂

    I’m a pearl! I’m a pearl!

  84.  #84Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    yay. thanks LG. I was going to say slap slap. I feel like slapping a hoe. I was wondering if AG wanted to go with me on a slap a ho trip but then I felt uncomfortable saying that as it is violent and i did not know whether AG would appreciate being invited on a slap a ho trip.

    But since you want to bash stuff we can just bash stuff instead. it will be more likely than slapping hos because i dont usually slap people randomly.

    I did have a dream this morning when i didnt want to get out of bed. In my dream two of my guy friends were driving my car and we were coming back from a road trip, and a bunch of ppl guys and girls were outside this store, my guy friends left the car unlocked and they were drunk and just as they were standing right thre one girl opened the door and took my friend’s bag but not mine, so then i was like she took your bag and we went after her, she put it up and got it back, then we started going to the taco truck and i felt mad i wanted to mybe fight her and her friend for stealing my friends bag, then i went back inside the store and she came in and we did start fighting, except i couldnt really hit her very hard, and then i punched her in the tummy three times and realized it was big, she looked at me and basically told me she was pregnant and it could be someone i forgot who or i think carlos’s but then i was like ok dont fight me then but she wouldnt stop and i didnt really want to hit her in the tummy and my face slaps felt very innocous but she wouldnt back up so i could get out from the counter.

    So then the police came and said well we know her we think she hasa mental issue, and my car was gone with my friends and they were like what kind of friends would leave you in a town you dont know, and i said you know i feel bad becaues i dont like being talked down to and that seems to happen with police. so then they said its ok were just gonna give u a dui, i said wait i didnt drink, the guy said good cuz its a lot of trouble to go thru, i said yeah and he breathalized me he said whoa i can smell it from her e i said no really i didnt drink if this wont work ill take the blood test. then i had to follow him around he seemed to be looking for my red car it was starting to rain, then we got to a building i think maybe the girl or other ppl were there he told me to wait outside behind the wall

    this is when my alarm clock rang

    i wanted to see what happened, but since it felt stressful in there i decided to just wake up

  85.  #85Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    yay tina!

    I feel much better now after having written my dream. sometimes my dreams affect me more than reality.

    also a lot like above my last few years dreams take me through real life scenarios that are stressful

    like getting flat tires, fights, duis, etc

  86.  #86Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    The term FUCK YOU; PAY ME c comes to mind.

    I don’t know why (notice the correct use of a semi – colon… I feel teary eyed saying that maybe i feel teary eyed making jokes and keeping a straight face)

    I dono why but hey… whatever you say Daria




    That feels fun

    woo hoo baby

  87.  #87Tina on October 22, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    The power was out for three hours, I didnt want my ex “boyfriend” seeing that I created a profile, I was really stressed out for whole three hours, I dont’ know why I just felt that way. I laid there in the dark wondering if he was going to see it, then it occured to me that he just lives a few miles down the road and his power would be out too gawd! Also I wrote something on a forum making reference to him , I didnt use his name just he would probibly know I was talking about him.

  88.  #88laughing goddess on October 22, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    Ha ha Daria! I’m feeling amused…and also curious and interested in your dream. I feel remembering of dreams I’ve had that feel stressful and intense, where I fell connected to them for several days after. I feel wondering what the message of the dream is.

  89.  #89Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    I feel tension in my forehead. I love my tension. I feel much more alive. woo baby

    I am leaving this bathroom. The heat has subsided and it is not fresh and blue and green and brown ouside

  90.  #90Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:39 pm

    The message of hte dream is “daria you are “ghetto” and so cool you even have dreams about it” ie Im so hoooood (who sings that rap song)?

    The other message is you are so sweet you don’t want to fight pregnant girls.

    The other message is you are still traumatized by the police.

    Your friends will leave you (although that was the best thing to do at the time) and you wind up having to fend for yourself.

    You have an easy time getting revengeful and standing up for your friends (ie wanting to fight the girls for taking my friends bag)

    You love taco trucks

    You feel afraid of getting in trouble for fights even when it wasnt really your fault (hello highschool)

    And a whole bunch of messages I already knew. Hmm.

  91.  #91Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:41 pm

    I wonder what THE MESSAGE is too.

    It kinda makes me feel cool to have these dreams. I guess it keeps feeding my craving for intense drama in my life without my having to actually go out and LIVE it in real life anymore…

  92.  #92alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    YES YES YES i wanna come too!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA I FEEL VERY EXCITED AS I DON’T REALLY HAVE ANY GIRLFRIENDS!!!! YAE!!!! LET’S DO IT!!! I don’t really wanna bash stuff or slap a ho but i would like to jump around a bouncing castle like they have for kids. so maybe i could do that and peer out the windows while you guys bash stuff and slap ho’s and then when you’re done please come in the castle with me!!! YES!!!!!!!

  93.  #93alias girl on October 22, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    tina is a pearl! come in the castle. sirens come in the bouncing castle. please please please!

    Oh i feel fearful my begging will be a turn off.

  94.  #94Daria on October 22, 2009 at 11:57 pm

    When I ask myself what the message is what first comes out is:

    I’m a down ass bitch

    (not editing this voice tonite)

    Thank you. What else is the message:

    You’ve accomplished a lot in your life being able to escape from scary situations.

    Thank you. What else is the message:

    You rock.

    Thank you. What else is the message:

    Youre a down ass bitch, bitch, Damn what am i not good enough for you?

    Thank you.

    I think i get it. I think basically the part of em that is a “down ass bitch” feels that she won’t be accepted, ie is not good enough for people who wont understand her.

    hmm cool.

    Ok so i knew this also tho.

    Thank you.

    What else is the message:

    Fuck you pay me.

    Thank you. What else is themessage


    Whoa thank you. I feel guilty for the whoa. Thank you.

    What else is the message:


    THANK YOU. What else is the message:

    You are a one and only true treasure.

    wow thank you. What else is the message:

    {….} suck

    Thank you. What else is the message.

    YOu scary ass bitch you didnt want to write it.

    Well thank you. I feel conflicted. I don’t want to write it because i don’t want everyone triggered by my personal stuff. That is not true. I feel afraid of being judged.


    White people suck.

    There i said it.

    I don’t really mean it. I WANT it EXORCISED.

    I’m white too dammit. LOL

    I feel like turning red and hiding under a crate.

    I feel like apologizing to readers for that. I am just dealing with my own personal “issues” I don’t really believe that. I jsut have some beliefs that come up at certain times and I AM TRYING TO WORK ON THEM. And part of that is exposing them.

    I feel like people are going to throw stones at me now. LIke this is a public forum we are not allowed to make statements like that. UGH. I feel caught in between a rock and well thats about it. Just backed up against a boulder. Like i’m a fox and im cowering against the boulder.

    Ok so what I would like is to not feel judged or judging and heal self and world thank you. so with that purpose i will now post this and run away.

    ugh i feel ashamed and icky. i haven’t even posted it yet.

    I feel guilty that a part of me believes white people suck.



    actually no. I just feel terriffied

    will it be helpful to post this? what if people started posting random things like >… people suck?

    well i would feel majorly triggered. probably outraged.

    that woudl be kinda lifelike though. that kinda stuff happens in real life.

    i feel so tense in my neck and tongue.

    I feel like im a tense cord from the bottom of my spine to my left neck cord.

    I want to keep making disclaimers like please understand i dont really believe this nor do i want to believe it at all (although maybe a part of me does, indeed it does, it helps me fit in with other people who have parts of them that believe that).


    I feel like its so difficult to be me right now.

    Well im posting it.

    What if Rori edits it out.

    I would feel mortified.

    I would feel like ok ive finaly pushed my limits of how much of me is accepted.

    This part of me is NOT accepted.

    I am hoping that I am making too much of a big deal out of this and peoople wont even take issue with it.

    but what if they do.

    I feel tight. I feel scared to hit submit comment.

    I am still planning on hitting submit comment though.


    ok i am going to heal this now

    Thank you Angels!

    I feel like im ready to jump off a diving board.

    I am turning around and around on my heels.

    I feel terrified i want to keep rambling.

    I want to embrace all of me even if all of you and the whole world does not THANK YOU SO I WILLL JUMP NOW


  95.  #95Tina on October 22, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    Daria, dreams are awesome, I wish I could dream more often or at least remember them more often, sometimes I get melodies and songs in my dreams then I tell myself I’m going to write them down when I wake up but forget to do it. I have some pretty bizzare dreams to that scare the crap out of me. I dreamt of zombies once, I was taken underground at my request to see these zombie like people, my guide brought me down a ramp and it was dark except for the light shining from the enterance, the zombies started speaking to me, go back there is nothing you can do for us, I said no I can help you get out of here, they said no just go, you cannot do anything for us, I felt helpless as I left that was a long time ago.

  96.  #96alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:09 am

    daria i feel accepting of you still. COME IN THE CASTLE AND BOUNCE AROUND WITH ME.

    omg. omg. omg. i feel amused at my desparation for friends. hee hee. aw i feel sad. ah, i feel ok again.


  97.  #97alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:10 am

    tina i felt remembering of MJ’s thriller.


  98.  #98Tina on October 23, 2009 at 12:11 am

    Ok, I cant do the bouncy thing , I’ll sit awhile in the corner , roll around a bit. I might get sick though.

  99.  #99Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:12 am

    feelilng guilty an afraid with one of those balls in my tummy

    my girl is on the phone distracitng me and its makin me feel better

  100.  #100Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:13 am

    omgosh thank u AG i really felt like i freakin deflated your castle by like throwing a hoe on it or something

  101.  #101Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:13 am

    im really glad its still open so im gonna bounce now yay

    Thank you!

  102.  #102alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:17 am

    YES! *bounce* YES! *bounce* YESSS! i feel very excited!

    aw. ok tina. well maybe you can have a cup of tea or something nearby the castle or slap some ho’s with daria or bash things with laughing goddess.

  103.  #103Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:21 am

    Kanye’s cool as far as I feel he would understand my belief (unwanted yet afraid to let go of) but he would probably get on my nerves me and kanye would bicker and i would feel annoyed and turned off by him.

    unless maybe he would worship me.

    then i would feel guilty because i would want kanye to be busy worshipping AG who likes him

    but hten i would feel jealous

    wow i am really going for the icky feelings tonite hehe

    oh weel fuck it

    how about Kanye AND some people i might like.

    I might like Lil Wayne if he was worshipping me but if not hten i woudl feel not good enough and icky

    OKAY so a young men just walked me and SAID:

    “I’m trying to treat you like the SUN. I get energy just from talking to you.”

    Wow! “I said that’s wassup! you making me feel really good!”

    wow i LIKE THAT LINE.

    So back in the castle… who do I KNOW woudl like me. Probably like Gucci man I think he woudl, but I dono if i would. Lil Boosie I would like to like me, he probably would like for just being present, but I feel a lil insecure he might not like me all like his favorite… hmmm…

    this points out to insecurities i might have I suppose…

    well fine lets try lil Boosie. He might like me after all.

    ok lil Boosie and Kanye are coming into our jumping castle

  104.  #104Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:22 am

    the young man did not “walk me”… he called me i mean.

    And tomorrow he is coming to see me.

    After about 6 months of talking on the phone.

    I feel a little worried because I Sent him naked pictures of myself last nite (i dont usually do this, i just felt like it for some reason)

    so now I feel a lil worried but hey

    i will be fine

  105.  #105Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:23 am

    ooh Tina that reminds me of a really cool story I read where the girl gets sent to adark zombie land but as she gets used to it and opens up she sees that it was actually a lush land filled with joy and flying people but she just COULDNT SEE them before

  106.  #106Tina on October 23, 2009 at 12:26 am

    I was really depressed at that time in my life, about 20 years ago, now that I think back. Shame, guilt were my “demons” in that dream. The light was my hope.

  107.  #107alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:30 am

    heehee. i feel amused. kanye is so the worshipping-a-goddess-type. and yeah maybe you can bond a little on the anti-white people trip. and i wouldn’t feel jealous because i’m not sure i feel romantical towards kanye. i just dig the dude and want to get down and make some beats with him. 🙂

    Lil Boosie looks hardcore. i’m not sure he will like the bouncing castle but it would certainly feel very fun to have him and kanye and all the sirens in there!

    lil wayne just had like four kids in four months by four different chicks or something and now he’s possibly going to be spending some time behind bars so he is invited but i would feel a little worried if you wanted to be with him. i feel doubtful he is the goddess-worshipping type. but i don’t know him personally so i don’t want to hate on him.

    i would feel better with no weapons in the castle.

  108.  #108alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:33 am

    aw. i feel like that about earth. that there are all these angels and (flying people maybe too) and colors and sounds and joy and lushness that we are just not quite acclimated to or something.

  109.  #109Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:35 am

    hmm… i feel disappointed a lil about the no weapons in the castle because we then might haver a hard time getting lil boosie in there. I agree he would probably not want necessarily bounce in there i was thinking he would just feel a lil uncomfortable but hey who knows.

    I think lil wayne is very worshipping maybe a lil too much he’s always talking about pleasing women (sexually).

    I wouldn’t really want to be with him because I feel judgemental of him ie he’s not hardcore enuf for me.

    I like lil boosie personally i would especially feel impressed if he left his weapons outside. If he started jumping around with us i might feel good or i might feel turned off i dono

  110.  #110Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:36 am

    Yay AG love it. I love acclimating to it hehe.

  111.  #111Tina on October 23, 2009 at 12:38 am

    It would have been cool to hang out with the zombie like people but they didnt want me to stay, I had the “key” to let them out but they didnt want to come out. It was a turning point in my life, like Rori mentions, I had to touch love, feel through the shame , guilt, remorse, my mistakes, some not my own. They were almost begging me to leave, like it was pointless to stay and help them, they wanted to live there, they didnt want to come out. I had to start being honest, it wasnt comfortable but I did it with help , professional help. It got me to where I am now, I feel so alive and well. This site rocks! haha

    Do I still make mistakes yup.

  112.  #112alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:39 am

    hahaha aw. i would feel kind of trapped if i was a hardcore man and i had to be hardcore 24/7.

    i like it when a man shows me his sweet, silly, tender side.

  113.  #113Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:39 am

    ohhh i just saw this guy i used to date’s friend’s picture on a funeral vigil sign.

    aww thats sad. I remember him. he liked me. he was cute.

    aww he’s dead now. I didn’t know he was dead that feels… kinda interesting… that feels weird to say that.

    i feel suprised… i feel “silence”

  114.  #114Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:40 am

    i know… i feel guilty and worried that i would feel turned off if that happens too much


    i feel judgemental of myself and worried

  115.  #115alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:42 am

    yae tina. i feel so good that you are in a better place than when you were trying to save the zombies all those years ago.

  116.  #116Tina on October 23, 2009 at 12:44 am

    zombies are for halloween! bouncy oh are we having guests for jumping castle time? oh who would I want to invite hm

  117.  #117Daria on October 23, 2009 at 12:46 am

    I feel kinda lost in contemplation world. ME and Boosie are in a corner and he is holding me and making me feel better.

  118.  #118alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 12:54 am

    yuh and kanye and i are singing his songs!

    “How could you be so,
    Cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo
    Just remember that you talking to me yo
    You need to watch the way you talking to me you know
    I mean after all the things that we been through
    I mean after all the things we got into
    And yo I know of some things that you ain’t told me
    And yo I did some things but that’s the old me
    And now you wanna get me back
    And you gon’ show me
    So you walk around like you don’t know me
    You got a new friend
    Well I got homies
    But in the end it’s still so lonely”

  119.  #119alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 1:11 am

    *bounce* *bounce*



    “As I recall, I know you love to show off
    But I never thought that you would take it this far
    What do I know? Flashing lights, lights
    What do I know? Flashing lights, lights”

  120.  #120Daria on October 23, 2009 at 1:22 am

    sooo Rori I feel very curious.

    When I was at Hrystian’s seminar, I spent a lot of time with the guys.

    What happened was that at the end of the second day they felt really comfortable with me. In fact Hrystian didn’t want to let me participate in one of the objectifying exercises (I objected and participated in the next one) because the guys felt too “comfortable” with me.

    And after one of the guys said they all agreed i was the coolest and most genuine.

    HOWEVER… they seemed to feel so comfortable with me that it seemed they didnt feel attracted to me anymore. I was getting the ‘sister’ vibe.

    I don’t know how it happened, what happened. I even asked out of curiosity why no one had picked me as the first choice to have sex with (one of the very up front questions that was asked)

    Terrance said it was a masculine vibe. (I was not being rough or posturing or whatever)

    sooo… Rori can you give me some insight into what happened?

    I feel kinda helpless that when I’m going to be around men they’re going to inevitably fall into a buddy buddy feeling with me…

  121.  #121Kaitlyn on October 23, 2009 at 2:02 am


    Hey there. I was there. I was Veronica and you told me about this blog, but I said I’ve already been lurking. I feel like because your flight lost your luggage and were in sweats and sneakers, you weren’t looking your potential goddess-self. That had a lot to do with why you were picked last. Then again, I was picked next to last due to my masculine energy and lack of eye contact. It took me a while to feel more comfortable there. Thank goodness I knew Erik and Terrance. It was good meeting you and you seem like a cool chick.

  122.  #122Daria on October 23, 2009 at 2:47 am


    Wow thanks Veronica! I feel so glad you wrote me! Wow it feels really good that you wrote that thanks!

    The thing is, i want to give the feminine vibe in sweats and sneakers (I seem to to the guys that usuallylike me)

    And also, even the third day when I wore a dress, I was still feeling the “sisterly” vibe (which was actually great in a way, I felt like I grew up with these guys and can totally feel that they are Friends)

    so I don’t know… maybe even though I wore a dress the third day i carried the vibe and my insecurity from the day before

    but grrrr! I feel frustrated. I WANT TO FEEL (and look) Goddessy in sweats and ! I feel like a failure a lil bit for not accomplishing this.

    gosh it felt really good to read your comment… thank you!!! i feel mucho uplifted actually

  123.  #123Daria on October 23, 2009 at 2:49 am

    I feel like doing a lil dance!

    happy to have Kaitlyn/Veronica here


  124.  #124Kaitlyn on October 23, 2009 at 3:07 am

    Yes, you can give the feminine vibe in tshirts and sneakers, but at the end of the day, nothing beats beauty. You are beautiful, so why suppress it? Style says so much about a person. I don’t mean trends, I mean style. It’s a visual representation of who we are on the inside. I know I’m turned on when a guy is wearing something that flatters him. It works both ways.

  125.  #125Kaitlyn on October 23, 2009 at 3:12 am

    They still felt the sisterly vibe even when you dressed up the third day because, well, nothing beats the first impression. Also, you don’t have to wear a dress to have feminine style. Nice low cut jeans, stilettos, and a v-neck sweater says sexy/classy all the way.

  126.  #126Terrance Thames on October 23, 2009 at 3:15 am

    Why am I still up!

    Kaitlyn..hehe…Beauty is conveyed from the inside out. I see no drastic difference in my attraction to a woman if she is wearing sweats or dress if she has the right energy. Style is a bonus but that is icing on the cake. Not the cake…Just a thought 🙂

  127.  #127Kaitlyn on October 23, 2009 at 3:35 am

    Agreed, Terrance. But I’m all for bonuses and icing. Heh heh.

  128.  #128Daria on October 23, 2009 at 3:37 am

    Thats usually one of my most “succesful” outfits with the men that are usually attracted to because of the way the pants fit me.

    The second day i felt icky because well i didn’t want to wear the same clothes… plus the first day i didnt mind not wearing a bra (on the long car ride) … but the second day i wouldve wanted one… so i was feeling bad about that… i felt “frumpy” a lil bit…

    but also very comfy…


  129.  #129Daria on October 23, 2009 at 3:38 am

    I expected them to like me More maybe because i felt frumpy.

    Rori says we are most attractive on our sick days… and definitely in teh past ive had instances of being sick and feeling self conscious when it seemed like men were just all over themselves trying to help me find groceries etc

  130.  #130Daria on October 23, 2009 at 3:46 am

    Not only that but the shoes match really well with the pants and a tank top, even the hoodie. So yeah guys that usually like me usually really like that outfit. I get compliments in it and on it.

    The second day i felt icky in it though. i felt it had outlived its day…


    the message im getting is that i have very strong masculine energy and only very masculine men see me as feminine and avoid the buddy-buddy connection with me

    but still…

    that seems kind of fatalistic

    not that i have a problem with very masculine men

    then what?

    i guess i want to umm… attract even less masculine ones? i dono

    the first day i felt feminine and i felt kinda self conscious and “girly”

    then the second day they said wow you are acting so much more mature and like a grown woman. but i think rather it was more of a masculine energy

    i tried to warn them in the car that i have strong masculine energy lol but they blew that off


    i dono i feel confuseded

  131.  #131Daria on October 23, 2009 at 3:47 am

    Daria Think A Lot

  132.  #132Daria on October 23, 2009 at 3:50 am

    I feel teary eyed and not good enuf and sad. and i feel glad again to have this triggered in this relatively not high stakes situation for me

    but i want my Breakthru insight or whatever

    i dont feel sad anymore. i feel kind of tight, a lil desperate to Know… i feel curious majorly curiosu and i want more power… maybe i feel not very powerful then

    i feel tired of typing

  133.  #133Linda on October 23, 2009 at 3:51 am

    I want a man to be interested in cake and stop putting so much importance on the icing. That is so shallow… I think being on line makes people numb and loose touch with the fact that there is a real person there with several wonderful qualities I am sure.

    I have never been one that was “choosen first” by anyone. I think that influenced my decision to marry years ago. I settled because I did not think I would get a better offer. sigh

    Now at my beautiful age of 50 I feel differently, yet that old thought lerks in my brain. Settling this time is not an option but I am not so tuff on my selection preferences that many are. Gotta look a certian way, like a certain music, Hair a certain color etc etc. Dont get me wrong, there are definately things that I preffer. I am running into men like this . Have to have a certain thing, icing just right, blah blah blah.

    Maybe it is nature of the online beast. Shopping for people… yikes like looking for that perfect pair of jeans ? We all know you cant just look at them.. you gotta try them on, see how they feel on you. Everybody knows that!……


  134.  #134alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 4:04 am



  135.  #135Tracy on October 23, 2009 at 5:55 am

    I had a really bad morning today……i did the Rori tools…i sank into all those bad feelings and i had memories of my past that triggered the same bad feelings but now i feel much better…it really works to sink down into your feelings and i feel that though my icky feelings are there….i am becoming less and less afraid of them….
    I am also feeling less scared of my fears and disappointments…

  136.  #136Tracy on October 23, 2009 at 6:08 am

    ………..I have never been one that was “chosen first” by anyone. I think that influenced my decision to marry years ago. I settled because I did not think I would get a better offer. sigh……….
    I feel interested in what u meant by this phrase…..I also feel scared about settling down for something less.I feel scared of not finding what i want…..with relation to everything in general…it feels like a limiting belief…or maybe just normal fear…
    I feel angry when i have these thoughts…thanks for sharing…i feel triggered by this…i am going to riff about it…

  137.  #137nikita on October 23, 2009 at 7:17 am

    Good morning 🙂

  138.  #138Mary Ann on October 23, 2009 at 8:57 am

    Good morning girls had a busy night wow lol!!

    AG…I LOVE bouncy castles and I would like to invite matthew mcconaughey to in with us. only cuz i think he would show us how to get the most fun out of it lol!!
    bounce… tigger but way hotter woo hoo!!

    Daria…I think everyone sucks sometimes…and the buddy thing is my problem too…I’m one of the guys a lot and although I dress quite feminine most of the time it doesn’t matter because I am very much like a guy in a lot of ways..I play sports..I can drink beer…I don’t complain about dirt or having to walk or bugs…this is where the feelings can make the difference i think..because I can’t change the “cool” “guy” stuff about me.

    Tina…I had a dream a long time ago about people who live down under in the subway tunnels and stuff…never thought of it as my buried “stuff” or my shame..but I totally see what it means now, wow

    I have a meeting to get to…but I’ll be back…mr arm & hammer..”I promise you’ll hear from me…I promise I’m not going anywhere” still hasn’t called and I’m starting to feel stupid and naive…need to be patient and not think about it.
    have a great morning sirens!!

  139.  #139Bethany on October 23, 2009 at 9:00 am

    Dan, Flipper, Rori–Thanks. I feel validated. It feels scary to tell the truth. I have been doing it more lately. This guy who told me he’s in love with me but I don’t feel the same way started telling me about this new girl he’s going to pursue and I felt weird, manipulated, like he was trying to make me jealous. I said “I feel weird hearing about girls you’re going to pursue…I don’t understand why you would tell me that…” Then last night I was sitting in my parked car, talking to Chris, when I hit something on the dashboard and my flashers started going off. He was telling me a story and I interrupted and said “I’m sorry, I feel distracted and I’m not listening to you because my flashers are going off…can I call you back?” He said “no, that’s okay, I can talk to you tomorrow.” I said “okay.” Then he texted and said “Sorry for being disappointed…hope you stopped flashing.” I didn’t really know how to respond to that. I felt guilty and scared I did something WRONG. But I processed it. I’m not perfect at telling the truth, but it’s getting simpler and less complicated and less dramatic feeling to do so. Yay for me.

  140.  #140DocK on October 23, 2009 at 9:46 am

    Y’know, it’s just me – but once a guy would have opened that door (“hope you stopped flashing”) I would have been all over it with – ‘Well, I couldn’t help it since I’m such an exibitionist and felt so excited about showing off my leopard underwear but I finally stopped flashing when the cops showed up.’

  141.  #141Kaitlyn on October 23, 2009 at 9:52 am

    lolz at dock.

  142.  #142Bethany on October 23, 2009 at 9:56 am

    Dock: Such a comment did cross my mind…Haha.

  143.  #143DocK on October 23, 2009 at 10:08 am

    (Long as he has a sense of humor) LOL : )

  144.  #144Chaudemaman on October 23, 2009 at 10:33 am

    Okay ladies, I am loving the bouncy castle and the flashing comments… I feel like joining you! Now who to ask to join me along with you? Hmmmmmmmmm… I feel nerdy right now but how about Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? lmao! I love my nerdiness, it makes me kinda cool. OH! I know… Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Can I ask two? I feel greedy for wanting two… yummy!
    We can all do the bouncy castle in our sexy siren undies!
    No cameras allowed!

  145.  #145DocK on October 23, 2009 at 11:23 am

    Chaudemaman – good choices!!!

  146.  #146tinque on October 23, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Cameras allowed though. What fun would that be…

  147.  #147DocK on October 23, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    Oh yes! I am a show-off too!!

  148.  #148Tina on October 23, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    I’m doing the “bump” with MJ. I’m a pearl! I”m a pearl! Blame it on the boogie woohoo!

    Am I making a mistake by not responding to cancelled date? Am I making a mistake by NOT telling him to Ef off? He sent me another email he said he was sad and had no words. I feel angry, ok I can say I feel angry and have no words. grrrr, I wish he would just “fall to the way side already.

  149.  #149Tina on October 23, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    MJ what do you think?

  150.  #150Tina on October 23, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    I feel guilt for not speaking to him. I feel pressured, I feel angry. I’m not going, I’d rather bounce in the jumpy castle, jump til I feel sick and dizzy, I feel stuck , I need relief. He feels like a bill collector to me haha. I feel responsible, I can ignore his calls and say he has the wrong number? He wants to speak to me, I feel like he wants to get inside my brain.

  151.  #151Simply Shannon on October 23, 2009 at 12:52 pm


    I’m in the bouncy house with my Sirens! Woohoo!


    Feels so good just to imagine talking to ya’ll while bouncing.


    Thanks AG! I’m taking this feeling out with me tonight.


    Gosh that feels amazing!


    All wobbly and unsure.


    Jumping as high as you can cuz you know you’re not gonna hurt yourself if you fall.


    Mmmmm – goosebumps!




  152.  #152alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    i feel so pleased. yae simply shannon and tinque (armed with cameras!) and docK and Chaudemaman (with a nerdy vampire guy!) and mary ann (and matthew mcconaughey!!! omg! oh my i feel blushing) all joining the bouncing castle!!!!! YAE!

    this is so fun. i would love to really be doing this. this would be right near the top of my fun things to do list.

  153.  #153alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    so i feel excited about making money in a way that pleases me. I feel good about living the life of my dreams. i feel great and excited about learning to manifest with intention rather than accidentally.

    this is what i want to experience and learn (so i can teach as well) (I can not give what I haven’t got)

    so thank you universe for bringing to me the answers to my questions, the knowledge and capabilities and the experience of this. of witnessing and experiencing for myself the truth of my beliefs.

    thank you. i feel grateful.

  154.  #154Daria on October 23, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Tonite’s dream was:

    some guy friends of mine were driving I was with them. We stopped in San Francisco in an alley where someone was seeling jeans and clothes for cheap hung up on a a wire outside. I said wait i want to look at those jeans and when I did they had left.

    So then I went around the front of the alley and tried to use one of the many cellphones.

    Some lesbian police officers were there hanging out. One left, the other stayed. I kept trying to use the phone and the top of the phone opened up revealing a lot of paper so i kept pulling some out but there was more. The lady who i think was a cop or at least someone comfy with the other cop lady was encouraging me. First i got a lot of coins, then i found some dollar bills, then even a one hundred. I put that quickly in my pocket.

    Then I figured well since i’m stuck in sf for awhile at nite at least i have a hundred bucks for it. (this is mirroring some real life situations)

    Then i left or was about to leave, but then she started yelling after me that i had to stay and do a police declaration about it, but i didnt want to. Because I was thinking taking money from a pay phone is a felony.

    Then i started to come back because i was like they’re gonna find my fingerprints on it anyway.

    But then i realized it probably had a million ppls fingerprints so i left… and went up the street

  155.  #155Daria on October 23, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Matthew Macanaughew is hot. I feel not good enuf like he wouldn’t really like me. sigh. oh well. I don’t REALLy like him either. I just thought h e looked good in a Time to Kill.

  156.  #156alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    everytime i see a picture of patrick swayze and his wife i smile. he really really seemed to love his goddess.

  157.  #157tinque on October 23, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    He did. SO much. I know his wife…so sad…

  158.  #158alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    aw. thanks tinque. yes they seemed really sweet. i feel crying.

  159.  #159Mary Ann on October 23, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    the thought of finally finding a loving passionate happy relationship and then losing it too early because of death is so sad to me. My last memory of my Grandfather is of him leaning over my Grandmother to give her a hug and a kiss and tell her he loves her. I feel like crying every time i think of it not only because I miss him but of how much my grandmother must miss him. I feel scared of never having that kind of love but I’m scared of losing that love too.
    “he” is 10 years older than me…he’s moving so slow I think I’m angry about the time he’s taking away from us even though there really isn’t an us. Whatever…focus on the goal..he is not the goal…my happiness is.
    bounce bounce…hehe I LOOOOVE the bouncy castle…bounce…
    Shannon love the bouncing and talking…hehe…
    AG best idea yet!!
    By the way Daria…”Hella ” is stuck in my head lol…hella good..hella bad…:)

  160.  #160Chaudemaman on October 23, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    okay you girls are right… we need cameras in the bouncy castle, after all if we sexy hot sirens in our unmentionables are bouncing away with hot sexy men, we need evidence (i wonder how much tmz would pay for such pics?)… and i am also taking this bouncy happy feeling with me when i see my guy tonite…. weeeeeee!

  161.  #161Linda on October 23, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    Tracy… my comment is an admission of an attitude I carried within for such a long time. I used to define myself as the “queen of almost”. Seemed like no matter what I tried to acheive, except being a reallly goood mom…. lots of things I reallly wanted in life almost happened. Almost made cheerleader, almost got the lead in the play, almost… It did not matter how hard I tried, I just did not quite cut it. There are so many “almost moments” in my life. It is impossible to erase so many years of that in my life. So, instead of erasing and defining myself by it I embraced all of it, and began loving myself. Loving myself is not second nature yet, but I am getting better at it.

    I want to be choosen first. You know be pick of the litter. The one that turns heads and who’s value is measured by my intelligence, character and abilities too.

    I suppose that my limiting self belief when I was younger was my nemasis….sometimes today I wonder if I will EVER get what I want. To be passionately connected with someone emotionally, spiritually, and physically is my goal. The road has seemed blocked. Just when I think things are falling into place, it all just disappears…. I feel disappointed alot but not totally defeated, although sometimes I feel reallly sad about it all. Other times I a fighting mad… like one minute I want to be in my mansculine energy and fix it, be in charge, bark orders… the next I just want the little girl within me to be scooped up and protected and loved.

    I did not settle in many areas of my life, but… I did in a marriage partner. The passion I always desired is what finally drove me out on my own. I have had snippets of it… I know it exists. I have waded in so deep that I let the current carry me away. There is a partner for me now.. The difference is I am making myself ready because I want me now.


  162.  #162alias girl on October 23, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    some guy just emailed asking if i wanted to go to the day of the dead tomorrow night. i just felt like, you know what, yes, sure, ok let’s. i am so tired of saying no.

    my profile says “activity partners” as what i am seeking (rather than “dating” or “long term”) then he wrote in the email as “activity partners” of course. does this mean we are going as chums and he doesn’t want to pay.

    i will turn around and leave if he doesn’t want to pay.

    so new behavior will yield new results for alias girl.

    and she reaches…reaches… into her magician’s hat and pulls out _________?

  163.  #163nikita on October 24, 2009 at 12:07 am

    a bounce!

  164.  #164Dorothea on October 24, 2009 at 3:40 am

    I freaking love bouncy castles…I tried to convince my coworker at my last job to get one for his house warming party. AG has much better taste than he does!

    Which has led me to my own new personal “tool.” I’m not very good at describing things like this but if you girls can make sense out of what I’m saying, it would be my pleasure to share it.

    I’m on a hair trigger to find irritating flaws in guys who pursue me…

    It finally has occurred to me that these so called irritating or yucky flaws piss me off so bad and get my heart racing so much because it’s as though if I permit them, it is a reflection on ME. So too many times, I’ll use a feeling message to tell him how irritated I feel that he doesn’t just come out and say what he wants to say, that he’s trying to “play it cool” but it’s making him look like a pussy. And I think I’m doing something good because it’s a feeling message. But my feelings are not the motivation. His changing his behavior is. And I am pushing pushing pushing leaning forward trying to get him to tweak the little things he says so that I can feel good about myself.

    This doesn’t feel fun. I feel exhausted. I’ve done this with every man I’ve dated. But you know what does feel fun?!?!?! BOUNCY CASTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am going to stop myself when I want to lash out with my “feelings” at a man who isn’t saying or doing something “right” in my eyes. I am going to stop and get in my bouncy castle and not worry about if these men are “pussies” or “weak” or even freaking retarded. I am going to let go in my bouncy castle. Weeeeeeeehehehehe!

    Besides, I fear I might be crippling my guys from their natural manliness by picking on them. I don’t think you can bully someone into being tougher in a way that is healthy.

    This tool was inspired this morning when I saw that the guy I talk to the most frequently IM’d me last night at 3 AM (7 PM his time), but then I logged off cuz I went to bed. So I wake up to these messages “If you come back it would be cool to talk. If not have a good nite.” And earlier in the day he emailed me “Hi” and that was it.


    And then it occurred to me to just get into my bouncy castle as a way of leaning back, and not worry about it. I like trying something different. I feel much better this time.

    And now you all know what a judgmental bitch I can be:P Ok I’m hitting submit even though I’m not entirely sure this all makes sense outside of my head. <3

  165.  #165nikita on October 24, 2009 at 6:26 am

    i can feel grasping clinging expecting needy energy coming from a man even if he’s silent…i can feel it…it feels sad and frustrating…irritating….i feel like i can’t breathe and want him to leave the room….i feel it the way a child…whines….ech!

  166.  #166nikita on October 24, 2009 at 6:28 am

    I feel like I’m obligated to be a mind reader…and that makes me feel angry….

    meanwhile back on the ranch;

    proposal guy has been flirting:)

    and THAT feels Good!

    yummy yummy

  167.  #167Dorothea on October 24, 2009 at 7:56 am

    i have been bouncing in my castle all day long. weeeeeeeeeeeeee. i went to lunch (in Amsterdam now) and wasn’t tended to by the staff when I was ready to pay my bill and leave – BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE. Instead of taking what people do and say, especially men, personally or as some sort of reflection of my worth, I let it go while bouncing in my castle, because it feels so much better than being disgruntled or worrying about how stupid I feel because someone is not treating me “right”. Weeee BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE

  168.  #168gina on October 24, 2009 at 9:10 am

    I haven’t heard from Johnny since his surprising text the other day. My roommate saw him out at a salsa bar last night. She said that he was totally “well behaved”, but it feels weird that he didn’t ask her about me, and he hasn’t contacted me to say anything about it. if I don’t hear from him by tomorrow morning, I’m gonna say this speech to him via voicemail or over the phone…

    “Hey Johnny, this is Gina. It’s Sunday morning, and we haven’t been in contact since our text conversation the other day: during which I felt relieved that we acknowledged that texting and silence are making it difficult to connect. but I feel weird and disappointed that we still haven’t connected. It doesn’t feel like a misunderstanding – it feels clearly as if I am chasing a man who has zero interest in me, and it doesn’t feel good. I do know that you are going through a difficult time, and a big part of me wants to be there for you just as a friend. And yet, I know that I still have feelings, and I just don’t wish to pursue friendships with men right now. Plus, I respect you and trust you enough to get the help you need to get to a better place. When you are in a better place, if you think you’d like to start fresh with me, I would love to hear from you, but I am done chasing you. I do wish you well, but I don’t feel comfortable coming over today.”

    any tweaks/thoughts?

  169.  #169Dorothea on October 24, 2009 at 11:03 am

    I have a thought, Gina, and I feel so guilty and self conscious giving my thought to you….

    My thoughts are to not speech him, especially because he hasn’t contacted you first. My thoughts are DON’T LEAN FORWARD LIKE THIS AHHHHHH!!!!!!! Maybe give him a version of your speech if/when he does finally contact you. I feel angry at Johnny because it’s like he is sucking all your energy out of you. I don’t want any man to have such an affect on you because he doesn’t mention you to your roommate. Maybe he was trying to play it cool. Maybe not. Maybe I don’t give a sh*t what he was doing because if I spend any more time supposing, I’m leaning forward and that feels gross to me.

    Do you guys have firmed up plans tomorrow? You don’t HAVE to go over there… you don’t have to do anything… you don’t even have to listen to me:)

  170.  #170gina on October 24, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    ha dorothea – thanks. yes tomorrow the plan is for me to come over to his place and he’s making dinner. so this speech is leaning forward? I hadn’t thought of it that way.

  171.  #171gina on October 24, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    What you’re saying feels difficult for me, but better in a way. I felt like I needed to call and cancel to be polite, but I can see now how this is leaning forward. I’ll let him know why I’m not interested when he contacts me. THANK YOU!!!

  172.  #172gina on October 24, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Btw, I TOTALLY can relate to the experience of judging men. But then, I feel scared that men who don’t look like retarded pussies to me are judging me. And I feel like I don’t deserve to not be judged until I can stop judging. But, you’re right, it doesn’t have to ruin our moment just cause they’re retarded pussies. And if I don’t spend my energy that way, then I don’t have to feel the guilt and paranoia later. phew.

  173.  #173gina on October 24, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    I feel so curious about this proposal man of yours…

  174.  #174Dorothea on October 24, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    at the same time, i don’t advocate blowing off plans but if it feels better, then just do it anyway, haha. you could go enjoy his energy and his delicious meal, and see how you feel and quit thinking so dang much and just let him know how you’ve been feeling if it comes to that. but mostly i just mean for you to lean back.

    i wish i were better at explaining stuff like this. that’s why this is rori’s site and not mine:D your situation sounds so much like some of mine from the past so i feel really drawn to your story. and i think you mentioned you like to smoke pot so i feel bonded to you in that way (haha now i feel like a nerd). anyway, let me know how it turns out!

  175.  #175gina on October 24, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Dorothea, you’re crackin me up. I hear what you’re saying. I’ll see how I feel when I do hear from him.

  176.  #176Nikita on October 24, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    I feel curious about him too….and I feel a fine line between welcoming and being open versus doing all the work for him in an effort to make up for HOW difficult I was….I keep centering myself….with; I appreciate what has already occurred and I feel solid regardless of what happens next

  177.  #177alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    i feel good. a little disappointed but overall good. day-of-the-dead man leaves me a message with info about the event and says (twice) on the message that it is ten dollars to get in. so i call him back . (we hadn’t actually spoken yet.) i call him back and he answers the phone and i tell him i am actually looking to date men and this doesn’t really feel like a date.

    and he says the only difference that would make it a date is the intention behind it so if i just switched up my intention.

    and i’m thinking, no if You just switch up Your intention. but i don’t say that.

    i can’t remember exactly what i said but something to the affect of ‘when i date a man i don’t really feel comfortable paying. and so this situation maybe isn’t really lining up’

    and he said ok.

    i said ok, well i’m sure you’ll have fun.

    and then he said ‘well you profile says activity partner.’

    i said yes, i understand how that can be confusing. and that’s why i started out the conversation with i am looking to date people. we hadn’t had a conversation prior to now so nothing was really clear and i can see how that would be confusing.

    he said well would you be open to dating in the future.

    i said sure, that is what i am looking for. also, just because in a dating situation i feel better when a man pays does not neccessarily mean the activity needs to involve money. we can go for a walk in the park or something. but if the activity does involve money then i just feel better if the man takes care of that.

    he said ok. well maybe in the future. that’s kind of what i wanted anyway.

    i said ok, i feel open to that.

    so i feel partially responsible for the fallout of this date tonight. but then again, not so much. i know the man wanted to date me so how’s he going to leave it twice on the voicemail that about the ten dollars? bleh.

    but anyway i am just practicing so in a practice sense it was very very valuable and i feel good.

    and i might go to the event tonight by myself anyway because it sounded fun!!!!

  178.  #178alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    nikita is crushing. 🙂 aw.

  179.  #179alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    i feel good i am really starting to get it though. the whole money thing. which is good because the money thing is what i am working on outside of dating as well.

    but if a man has money it wouldn’t be a problem to spend it on a goddess just for the goddess company.

    but then it is my job to be a goddess.

    it is the goddess’s job to be the goddess.

  180.  #180gina on October 24, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    I feel good about a man on match who I have stuff in common with who is pursuing me nicely. I feel good about a trip to the gun range that I just made with a man who is way too old for me, and I feel annoyed that he seems to be trying. but he served as extra motivation for me to shoot that gun well: anything to get his hand off my back. i feel bad about Johnny not contacting me about tomorrow: I feel my energy drained and sucked in his direction for the last time. This is the line in the sand. He has 24 hours to make me want to see him again. Right now I feel he’s an energy sucker and I feel scared of him.

  181.  #181Ann on October 24, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    Hello Sirens I had a “AHA” moment while reading from my phone earlier, I hope I can explain and would like to get thoughts from others.

    To me a few of the things Rori teaches are to lean back, focus on our feelings, touch all our feelings, to enjoy the feel good feelings, stay in the moment(be grounded) and not to be outgirled.

    When we’re positive and doing these things we have a goddess vibe others and ourselves can feel. People are drawn to us when we’re enjoying ourselves doing whatever. So when we’re leaned back, having fun, REALLY enjoying ourselves our vibe pulls others in, and if we can stay open we usually get something from the experience. This is being a girl.

    OK here’s the “AHA” as I read today I realized you don’t HAVE to be a girl to do these things and draw others in. I thought about men I know(MASCULINE MEN) who were leaning back from their ladies, doing their own thing, enjoying life and their ladies and more ladies were leaning forward trying to get attention. These guys aren’t thinking about the women who aren’t there. They’re enjoying theirselves with the ones who are. I’ve seen even married men do this. Not cheating, just flirting and enjoying the lady in their presence at the moment.

    I hope I’ve explained this where it’s understandable. I’ll be DARN if I’m going to be OUTGIRLED by any guy lol

    I had a experience this past Thursday of being “open, enjoying the moment goddess vibe.” And all I was doing was walking around outside with my 8 year old granddaughter enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. Her neighbor across the street started hollering, smiling and waving at us, a guy say late 40’s went by in a car smiling and waving at us and 3 teenage(16-17) boys were walking down the street and started smiling and waving. I had no interest in none of these guys but I could “FEEL” the vibe they were feeling from a distance.

    I would like to feel this vibe constantly.

  182.  #182Nikita on October 24, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    I am soooooo crushing 🙂
    On my way to town…..sleepover with Proposal guy …he offered 🙂
    I feel excited…haven’t seen him in a fortnight….sigh, I am so crushing…..

  183.  #183alias girl on October 24, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    ann that feels AWESOME! YES! me too! i would like to feel the vibe constantly as well. this feels Key to me!!!

    have fun nikita!

  184.  #184Nikita on October 24, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    I feel great! Thanks AG….
    Epiphany…..I trust proposal guy to lead….I feel good following him…..yay!

  185.  #185ms on October 24, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    What can i do if previously i was having so much fun doing things with someone he used to hold my hand and i really thought he cared, we laughed and i never got romantic but i loved him, he does not have time for me now and is datin someone close to me and I am left out and expected to be the friend. Will not hurt the girl and can’t date him, but cant get rid of my feelings.How can i at least be having a friendship which is ok, Oh yea, the girl makes sure he cant be friends with me and he doesnt call much, unless i kind of dissapear, He was really everything ive ever wanted and unfortunitely did he use me to get someone else? or is there a way of telling if he wHats to be friends?Should i just disapear on him and not be around, seems so, its hard because i cant disapear on the girl, shes a relative i love,and i cant accept that she too would like to have me dissapear, but in the same household i am the caretakerm nuterer and cook. i miss this man terribbly.sorry about my nievety that i can still be friends, What actions should I do, example, dissapear, be unavailable and things take its course, say i feel mistreatedd or just be polight and friendly and keep it light in hopes it will remain that i will at least hear he cares, which is really what i want. stuck?

  186.  #186Daria on October 24, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    Dear Ms…

    Please please look for some emotional help. Maybe Rori can suggest some therapists for you. You can also perhaps look for EFT that can be done through the phone and it may help.

    I realize you are very lonely and I feel so sad thinking of being in your situation. But you do have the strength to be stronger. Do NOT proceed to be friends with this man.

    Please find some activities that you enjoy outside the home and meet NEW men. Hold eye contact and Smile.

    There are so many wonderful men out there.

    Take time FOR SURE : to be nice to you. BUY FLOWERS FOR YOURSELF. Take nice baths. And dress up everyday like it was a special day – and GO OUT

    Most importantly, look for emotional support like a trauma release therapist. Some of us including Rori have had success with this. It helps to feel stronger and in control and not so desperately lonely.

    I send you strength and clarity


  187.  #187sara on October 24, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    hey Rori, i have read some of your works, if funny how its so real…but i have a question of mine our for you, i have been married for 5 years to my husband and we have 2 beautiful daughters together. my husband and i have been apart from each other for 3 years now. we are living in two different countries and in some time his sponsorship will be approved too. so the thing is that i feel like we don’t have the emotional relationship in between us and went when we were living together i was never attracted to him in any way and i can say the same for him.its like he is their but not completely if u know what i mean, he never made me feel complete or satisfy in anyway. just recently i met a great guy on the net who understands me and want to be with me and i do too. its like he is everything my husband is not , and what i always wanted in my ideal guy. now the thing is that’s i cant leave my husband because of my daughters, and i don’t want to leave him because i love him and he loves me too, can you tell me what to do or help me to make my decision easy for me. plz help me thk u. if u have any questions plz feel free to email me thks bye

  188.  #188Dorothea on October 25, 2009 at 6:00 am

    Argh I deflated my bouncy castle with my expectations for how a man is supposed to be masculine. I can’t jump around in it anymore because I wear ice climbing shoes to gouge out men’s hearts when they are interested in me, and I do it so much that it would be terribly inconvenient to take the shoes off and put them back on, so I wore them into the castle and POP. Poor castle. Poor me. I feel sorry for myself that I popped my castle with my spiky man-hating ice climbing shoes. Now when I try to jump around I just hit vinyl covered grass that is all hard and kind of rocky and it fuckin smells like a new shower curtain. It’s such a sterile smell. Perfect for a girl who actively sterilizes her love life.

    I feel so angry with myself for not feeling more attracted to these men. i feel so angry with myself for judging anyone’s masculinity. Am I masculine? Is that what gives me the right to judge someone’s masculinity? Argh Argh Argh I am fucking myself over.

    i love myself…even if i never get this right

  189.  #189Vicki Kerns on October 25, 2009 at 6:25 am

    Gina, I can feel the anxious feelings that you are feeling about Johnny. Why is it that we women spend sooooo much time worrying and trying to analyze what they’re thinking, what we should do, what are they doing, etc., and just exactly how much time do men spend worrying about those things. For most men (not all), I’d say ZIP, ZERO, NADA, NUTTIN’ HONEY! I felt that way with ren fest man, wanting desperately to connect with him, talk through things, try to work through some issues. And I presented to him, more than once, that I would like to talk, and he never came through. Why? Because he’s a coward, and weak. So I ended the friendship. But I still have feelings that I would like to work through, still get an explanation from him, did I do the right thing cutting off all contact with him (I even blocked his e-mails). And maybe that was a bit cowardly of me, but I’ve given him ample time to come to me and talk, because we were supposed to be such close friends. And the time for talking is done. For the last several months, he’s pushed me and our friendship so far away, that all I did was close the door.

    Gina, I would say don’t worry so much about him, and I wouldn’t text him back or call him back. Re-listen to Rori’s messages about those things. If they want us bad enough, they’ll come calling, they’ll find a way to get to us, and they’ll come through. Pamper yourself and be good to yourself, spend the time you worry about him on yourself. Be good to yourself. If a man is worthy of you, he’ll come to you.

    As for me, I’m working to become stronger, and I’m definitely working on making my bullsh*t meter stronger so that I see red flags and follow my instincts better right from the beginning.

  190.  #190Flipper on October 25, 2009 at 8:00 am

    Oh Vicki K – I want a bullsh*t meter, too!!! Right now, latest model, top o’ the line! I want the exterior/interior version: can instantly detect what’s being dumped on me from the outside, and ALSO what my Nasty Voices like to dish out to me from the inside. I hope there’s a good supply – Dorothea might want to trade her ice walking shoes for one, and I can see many other sirens wanting to install this in place of the old ‘stuff-it-down/let-it-rip’ or ‘suck-it-up/nice&fix’ systems we’ve been running on.

  191.  #191alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    dorothea is ok, i have an extra castle because i am super rich and so when you are ready to take off your spikey shoes you can bounce again whenever you like.

    awareness of my behavior is the first (hardest!) step to changing it. i also am continually realizing what i am doing to sabotage my happiness. but for me so much of what i was doing was learned as a means of protecting myself. so i really had to thank myself for finding ways to keep me safe all those years. and now that i had new tools i began letting some of the old ways go. but i loved myself fiercely for being so clever in devising ways to keep myself safe before i had better tools. xoxo

  192.  #192Dorothea on October 25, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    aw thank you AG…i feel like making a pan of baklava and bringing it to you when i show up to bounce around in your extra castle. when i’m ready to take off these dang shoes, that is. i wouldn’t sabotage someone else’s castle.

    stupid shoes.

    i love them. i love myself for putting on the spikey ice climbing shoes to steak men through the heart and below the belt. i love my viciousness. i love how powerful it is and i am with my viciousness. it is really jaw dropping and awe inspiring. anyone would want me on their side if there was a major gang turf war because i am freaking brutal.

    now it would feel great to think of other ways to use this awesome vicious brutalness (instead of how i have been using it). I would soooo love ideas, please help, sirens!

  193.  #193alias girl on October 25, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    aw dorothea. thank you for the baklava. i feel softened. xoxo

    i feel happy to know you will find your way.

  194.  #194Vicki Kerns on October 26, 2009 at 9:03 am

    Thanks Flipper. I want the top of the line BS detector too. And I think it’s available to us by working on all our tools, focusing on ourselves, doing all our Rori tools, and really looking inside ourselves for exactly what we want, and then absolutely refusing to settle for less. I’ve settled all my life, not just in romance, because of my lack of self-esteem. As much as this one hurts, and it’s kicked my butt plenty, I think it had to be this one, from the one I loved most of all, to wake my ass up, smack me in the face, and say, “You are such a wonderful woman, why are you taking all this? Is this what love is supposed to feel like? You are allowing him to hurt you? You have allowed him to take advantage of you? STOP IT, ONCE AND FOR ALL. Look in the mirror, and don’t look at the flaws, look at the beautiful and wonderful goddess looking back at you, and love her, give to her, and never settle for less again!”

    And while I have my moments and am still grieving, I am getting stronger every day. Ladies, stop thinking about them so much, stop worrying about them so much, and put down the rowboat oars. If we all focused and spent as much time and energy on ourselves as we have on the respective men (or whatever they are) in our lives, think how indestructible we would be. How strong, and self-confident, and open, loving, and what an excellent vibe we’d be presenting.

    Develop your positive mantras, look at your beautiful selves in the mirror, and tell yourselves that you deserve the best life has to offer!!! Turn the energy you spend on them onto yourselves and you will see amazing things happening. I know it’s not easy, I know our emotions and our love runs deep, but we can all do it. I know it’s baby steps for me. I keep going back over things, but all I’m doing is dragging myself through the mud. I’m thankful I have a forum like this to talk things through, and I’m thankful there’s a group of fabulous ladies like all of you for support. Thank you!

  195.  #195Flipper on October 26, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Amen, Vicki K – that felt wonderful!

  196.  #196Rori Raye on October 27, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Sara, Welcome, – Is your marriage a legal thing, necessary for him to come to the country you’re in? If so, you are stuck. You may love him as a friend, but if neither of you are attrated to the other…you have only a friendship, and building a marriage on this is not good for anyone. I’m assuming you’re actually seeing, in person, the man you met on the net? You need to work this through on all levels – legal first, and take baby-steps toward having the life you want. Being married to someone you haven’t been with in 3 years is not my idea of any kind of life I’d want. Love, Rori

  197.  #197Robin on October 29, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    Dear Rori,
    I totally agree, sometimes the mistake is the message. I’ve known a terrific man for about 5 years now. We started out as friends, but it quickly lead to much more. Then came the mistake. I couldn’t reach him by phone or email for several days and I automatically thought it was over, we were through, he never wanted to see me again. The drama queen came out and refused to go home. I nearly lost him because of it. He wouldn’t speak to me for months. I have now learned to trust until given reason not to. We are actually closer than we have ever been, but there is one thing that bothers me. He thinks I will always be there for him whenever he calls. It is sort of a long distance relationship and we talk on the phone two or three days a week, but we hardly ever get together. However, we still feel something very strong just talking about the future. But the fact that he expects me to wait until he is ready and be ready to meet him whenever he calls bothers me a bit.

  198.  #198Rori Raye on October 31, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Robin, Welcome, and if you’ve been reading my stuff and hanging here for a bit, you know I don’t approve of any kind of exclusivity before engagement and the ring, and CERTAINLY not in a long-distance relationship – which I do not consider to be a “relationship” at all. Your situation calls for a Circular Dating solution. Love, Rori

  199.  #199Renee on November 2, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Dear Rori,

    I have listened to your toxic man program and it has really taught me what have been doing wrong in relationships. I have been dealing with this toxic man for the last year. I have known this man for 12 years. We were involved 12 years ago for about 3 years. He was seperated when we met and continued seeing each other after he went back to his wife, I know, bad mistake. I finally ended things after I moved out of state. He would still call and want to see me, but I felt that he had made his decesion to be with his wife and it wasnt right for him to continue to try to see me. We lost touch for about 5 years, then I got a phone call about a year and a half ago, saying he was seperated “for real” and was sorry for how he had hurt me. I started things out as friends since I wanted to make sure the relationship with his wife was really over. When the divorce had been filed, I agreed to see him. I wanted to just be friends, but the chemistry between us is very strong and we developed a sexual relationship. We had an amazing time together and by the way he initially talked I thought we could finally be together as we had always dreamed.Two months after we started seeing each other he told me about this other woman who he had been deeply involved with for the last year, and that was why he was getting divorced, his wife kicked him out of the house for having an affair. He told me he was trying to end things with her. I hung on for another 8 months, all the while he was “trying to end” the relationship with this other woman, seeing me and also seeing 2 other women. I did not expect a committent right off since he was going through a divorce. He finally made a decesion to move out of state to get away from this other woman. Initially I was so happy, I thought maybe he would change. He invited me to see him in his new town and when I arrived, he seemed nervous. It is a small town, and we went to dinner at one of the few restuarants and ran into a couple he knew. He immediately became uncomfortable and introduced me as “someone from out of state who is interviewing for a job”! I was devastated and when I confronted him after the fact, it came out that the woman in the couple was the sister of someone he had been seeing in a sexual relationship. He had told me he was only going out in groups, he hid the fact that he was in any kind of physical relationship with anyone. When I asked him what he wanted out of our relationship he basically said he wanted a “stay home person” in the town, but a “travel companion” on the side, which would be me. He said he loved being with me and spending time with me, but could never be in a “one person” relationship. I really love this man, and after listening to your toxic man program, I relaized I had been doing everything wrong. I told him I just wanted to be friends, that I did not want a physical relationship with him anymore. Even as a friend, he doesn’t call when he says he will, he does not answer my emails. I have been trying to use the feeling messages and have joined 2 online dating sites so I can start dating. I already have alot I am doing on my own, I am in Karate, I go to the gym 6 days a week, hike and work insane hours. I have always thought of myself as a very independent person, but my heart melts when I hear this man’s voice and he gets to me like no other. Is this a hopeless situation? He told me he and this other woman have been seeing each other quite a bit, he has even met her daughter and been on family functions. I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. I know I am probably “addicted” to the situation since I cant have him. I enjoy having this man as a friend, but I want more, but don’t know if it is even worth it anymore. I am not very good with meeting other men, any suggestions on how I can put myself “out there” to start dating more? I am currently going through your modern siren program, I need all of the help I can get!

  200.  #200Rori Raye on November 2, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    Renee, Welcome, and I’m going to jump off your comment into a full post…it’s going to be tough love…get the RSS feed so you’ll see it, but don’t read it unless you’re ready to hear with no one else has told you in all this time…Love, Rori

  201.  #201Vicki Kerns on November 2, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Renee, My heart goes out to you and I’ll keep you (and all these other wonderful “sisters” in my prayers along with the ones I say for me). Toxic men, bless their little pointy heads! They always want their cake and to eat it too. And so much of the time, we love them so much that we bend to their needs so that we can hang onto what tiny little pieces of themselves that they throw our way.

    And yes, it’s easy to get addicted to them. I know that from experience. My ex-friend is like a drug to me. Maybe it’s because of the lack of self-esteem I had (notice I say had) or my lifelong (from childhood) quest to find love. And I wanted love so badly that I’d take anything I could get. The one person I’ve always forgotten about in these situations, is me!

    And with you having known this man for so long, you really feel like you know him better than anyone, that you have so much in common, that you’d be better than anyone else for him, right? But it doesn’t sound like he feels that way. It sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants, really, but he certainly doesn’t want anything permanent with one person. It’s so hard when you’ve been such great friends, too. I know just how that feels. And I miss his friendship terribly.

    But what I had to do, and what you just might have to do, is to completely sever any contact with this man. If he’s moving to different states and stringing along several other women, he is toxic to the ‘nth degree and nothing you can do will change that. And hiding things from you? That’s what I’ve come to know as not stepping up to the plate as a man, and it’s also cowardly, and it’s also selfish.

    What about what you want? I’ve always put my wants and needs last just to hang onto what little snippets of love a guy would throw to me. And since this last one was a friend, I thought he’d never do something like that to me. He told me we could have something special down the road and I’ve clung onto that for almost a year and have now realized (well I suspected it before but refused to believe it) that he only said it to let himself off the hook easily after we first had sex.

    Going from friends to having sex really does change things, no matter what a guy might say, it DOES! If I’d been the stronger woman then that I am becoming now, I would have set him straight last January when he waffled.

    Please keep listening to Rori’s tools. I’m just beginning to start through my tunnel but can just begin to see a light at the end of it. Keep doing what you are doing, getting out, start dating, get out of your house, find new hobbies, do loving and beautiful things for yourself. I know how hard it is. And sometimes I still want to call him, reach out, can’t believe the beautiful thing I had last year is all over. I get anxious, I still cry. This has all shown me that I need to keep doing work on myself if I would allow some man, anybody for that matter, to treat me like less than the wonderful person I am.

    Turn the love you feel for this man inward. We all need to love ourselves more. Hang in there and stay strong. You are a beautiful person. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve the best, the best treatment, someone who will love and adore you, make time for you, do things for you unselfishly. We are all here for you!!!

  202.  #202Cassandra on November 6, 2009 at 8:57 am

    Rori….This post felt as though it spoke directly to my heart. I loved what you said here…’Mistakes are a loss of attention. They throw us off the gameboard into the sand trap. They’re us trying to take charge of the brave and thoughtful horse we’re riding, the horse who really knows the way, and steering him off course into the woods because we thought we saw a turn back there we missed.’

    I have recently been in what has felt like a really good place. I had been feeling like I truly just wanted to focus on ME, what makes ME feel good, what did I want to be doing at any given moment and completely focusing on ME. I also felt that I was in a place where I did not want to give a man anything of mine….my time…my energy….my space….my affections…NOTHING and that felt good.

    Several months ago, I had signed up on EHarmony in order to practice your tools and rebuild ME but over most of those months – I never even went on the site. A few weeks ago I remembered my subscription – that shows you how long ago I had even been on that site – I remembered that my subscription was going to expire soon so I went on there to see when it would expire. I found that I had received a communication request from a seemingly interesting man so we proceeded through their guided communication quite quickly and began emailing one another. He sent me his number after several weeks and I did eventually call him. I was truly enjoying our conversations and REALLY paid attention to how I felt during and after our conversations which felt great to me to focus on ME like that. I had never done that before and it did feel good. We would be on the phone for hours at a time and talk in the morning, throughout the day and at night with HIM initiating the calls which also was wonderful. I really felt as though I had made HUGE progress and that felt so so good to me. I felt that I had really changed some things in me that were not serving ME well and it felt like celebrating!

    Well this past Tuesday, I had gone back up to where I moved here from and just came back last night. This man lives up near where I used to live and he had asked to see me. Initially I REALLY felt afraid to meet him because I was SO enjoying our conversations and I did not want them to change in any way or for things to get weird if he found that he did not feel the way that he said that he did when we were just talking on the phone. I did however end up meeting him Tuesday afternoon/ evening and we had a wonderful time. He was a perfect gentleman and we even spent time together on Wed which was also wonderful. He treated me like a princess. He even held me hand the ENTIRE time we were together both visits. I have not had my hand held in public in over 5 years!

    Here is where I realized my HUGE HUGE HUGE mistake. We had plans to get together yesterday morning after my appointment and before coming home but he cancelled saying that he was so tired from working double shifts all last week – which he did. I felt pretty crushed but was also understanding as I would not be able to work those hours that he did. He did call during my 6+ hour drive home to check on me and on the first call he told me first thing that he really enjoyed our time together and so enjoyed my company. Wed. night we had been on the phone for 4 hours watching the world series together over the phone. Even after meeting in person on Tues. & Wed. things felt wonderful and easy and free until yesterday. When he cancelled on me I IMMEDIATELY felt as though I had done something wrong somehow…that I had said or done something to push him away. It felt strained and distant and ‘pushed’ somehow even though he did tell me how much he had enjoyed our visits. Like I said, he did call me a few times to check on me on the drive back home and we did talk last night and he did call me before bed last night which was nice. HE specifially asked me to call him this morning when I got up so I did as HE had asked me to. I got his VM and again I felt so disappointed and I felt humilated.

    I FEEL HORRIBLE AND HUMILATED. I feel so angry that I allowed this man into my space and gave him time and energy and all of that. I feel angry that I allowed myself to care about him at all and that I allowed myself to look forward to his calls. I feel so angry that I even ever met him. I feel angry because I now feel that my energy has shifted AWAY from ME and toward him and that feels AWFUL! I have not heard from him yet this morning and since we have been talking HE has called every morning, throughout the day and at night and we have had such wonderful talks and it all felt so easy. I can feel him pulling away because things just feel so different now and I don’t know what I did to push him away. Yesterday – I DID call him but that was only returning HIS calls to me. I had driven thru some bad spots where I guess I did not get a cell signal so his calls must have gone straight to VM so I returned them each time leaving him a message. He DID call me back but things now feel so AWFUL to ME! I DON”T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS! I FEEL ANGRY AND WANT MY ENERGY BACK ON ME! I DON’T WANT TO CARE ABOUT ANYONE RIGHT NOW AND I FEEL ANGRY THAT I HAD BEGUN TO REALLY LOOK FORWARD TO TALKING TO HIM AND SO ENJOYED OUR TIME TOGETHER! I don’t know what I did wrong here. Rori….can you please help me with this. I don’t want to screw up any more relationships and clearly I did something wrong here for him to run away this way. We were NOT at all in a relationship of any kind other than talking on the phone and getting to know each other and I was trying my best to use your tools. Where did I go wrong?

    He even said when he called me on the road yesterday that if when my BF and her family move to Texas in a year or so and I ever I need a place to stay when I come up there – he would love it if I would stay with him if I was comfortable with that. I feel so confused and lost right now. I feel my focus completely NOT where it needs to be and it feels horrible.

    Were did I go wrong? I allowed HIM to call me and only returned HIS calls. When I did call him back if I didn’t catch him at home I would try his cell and then leave a short message there and that was it. HE did always call me back until this morning. I am feeling so off kilter right now and it feels terrible. I used feeling messages consistently no matter what we were talking about and he even had made plans with me to spend time over Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s when I am up there for the holidays.

    I will take his calls if he calls but I really feel that he won’t and feels awful. Where in the world did I mess up? I am feeling really angry because now am feeling off track and sad not hearing from him. I don’t want to feel like this and am also REALLY struggling with really feeling my feelings. I feel like I don’t know how to do that REALLY. Grrrr!! I feel horribly upset. Dammit this was supposed to be about ME!!!! I don’t want to care about anyone and be focused on them or their feelings right now.

    Can anyone give me some insight here? I am really angry at myself for even allowing him into my space and emotions. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS! I am feeling like a total failure and don’t even know what I did wrong. I tried SO HARD to lean back, I didn’t initiate calls at all, I only returned them, I spoke completely in feelings messages, I stayed focused on how I was feeling about things…about him…about our visits and then POOF! He’s gone. WTF??!!

  203.  #203Mary Ann on November 6, 2009 at 10:04 am

    Hi Cassandra…I’m so not the expert but what I think is that you need to be circular dating..that means more than one man to flirt with, spend time with, to talk your focus is not on one man,,,it stays on you and you naturally lean back.

    Just a suggestion but if you post on the most current will have more sirens to help you 🙂

  204.  #204Cassandra on November 6, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Hi Mary Ann..thanks for your post. I feel appreciative of the support. I didn’t post this on the newest post because it wasn’t the same subject and don’t we get a notification of a new post on any of the threads that we have ever posted on? I could be wrong on that as I am not at all technologically adept! hee hee

    Circular dating….well that was the exact reason that I had signed up for EHarmony was to exactly that! I feel beyond humiliated. I know that I won’t hear from this man again and I just can’t understand what happened. Things were wonderful and then POOF! He disappeared. I have not called him all day and won’t. As a matter of fact, if he were to call me now, I would not take his call as I feel that if he could just disappear this way with no thought whatsoever then he is not someone that I would want in my life anyway…but it hurts. OMG….just as I typed that my cell rang and it was HIM! I feel petrified right now and not sure if I really want to talk to him or not! Part of me feels angrier than hell and part of me sooooo wants to talk to him. I don’t feel ready to talk to him right now because I am in a place where I will BLAST him from here to kingdom come. IF and that is IF I decide that I feel ok talking to him…..I want to be in a better place within ME. OMGoodness I feel so angry right now! It feels like he just disappeared ….POOF! he’s gone and then POOF! he’s back. THAT is something that does NOT feel good to me at all! I know for a fact that THAT is something that will NOT work for me in a friendship, family relationship or this circular dating although right now he was the only piece in that circular pie. Mary Ann…I don’t feel cut out for this. I feel like I am not cut out to be in any type of close relationship with a man at all…..meaning anything that involves any type of feelings….anything where your emotions, caring, heart stuff gets involved. It feels too hard for me right now. I feel absolutely exhausted. I feel desperate to be in that ‘good place’ that i was in 2 or 3 weeks ago…even last week. I don’t want to care about anyone.

  205.  #205Simply Shannon on November 6, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Cassandra: I agree with Mary Ann. Having only one man in my rotation means I’m laser focused on him. So when he doesn’t call me every day, I feel like that means he’s never going to call. Which is soooo not true. That would be my nasty voices talking. They are trying to convince me that just because he’s called every day in the past that means that when he doesn’t call every day, it’s all gone to shit. It has NOT. All NVs are invited to sit quietly in the corner. If I’m taking care of me and doing things I enjoy (rather than focusing on any one man), I might not even notice if he doesn’t call today. Remember that quote by Rori that said “if a man’s not in front of you, then he doesn’t exist”? That’s a GREAT mantra for me!

    I’m sensing your fear of rejection and your NVs have got a hold of you right now. If I were in that spot, it would feel better to lean back and focus on doing something fun for me. Then when I feel better and more at ease, then I might call him back.

  206.  #206Cassandra on November 6, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    HI SS…..thanks. I felt supported by your post as well….thank you for that. I totally know what you mean about having only 1 guy in your rotation but there isn’t anyone else that I am even talking to. I am no longer on EHarmony and even when I was, I was so busy and pre-occupied with the whole Charles ordeal I was barely even on that site. I just happened to meet this gentleman at the very last minute. After this whole thing today and him literally just disappearing like that even though it has not even been a day….we had gone from talking every single morning, thru out the day and every single night often times watching a movie or a baseball game together on the phone to POOF! He’s gone. Feeling how I have been feeling all morning makes me really feel that I am not at all ready to have anyone in my life at all…even for circular dating. Dating anyone at all means that I have to be open and able to give back and I have nothing to give anyone right now at all. I DON”T feel open and I DON”T feel willing to give a man anything…any part of me whatsoever. I feel bitter and I feel angry. At whom? I am not sure. I think it is directed at ME. I don’t like feeling like this and am noticing that I am having difficulty really being able to FEEL my feelings and really sink into them. I still don’t feel like I really know how to do that fully. Right now, it would feel so much easier to just be alone and not have to deal with any of this kind of crap. It feels too hard right now and it feel totally overwhelming to me. I feel like I am lost again and it feels terrible. I DO feel proud of the fact that I did not call him at all and I did not answer the phone. I didn’t do that out of a game or anything but when the phone rang – I did turn my focus directly to how I felt about that call and to did I or didn’t I want to talk to him at that moment. I realized I felt angry and didn’t want to talk to him feeling like that so I let it go to vm. I feel proud of that at least. I guess that is something. I feel so dark right now and really really negative. It feels awful. Why would I want to circular date when there are all of these kinds of games going on?! How does that make me feel good? I guess I am missing something here.

  207.  #207Mary Ann on November 6, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Cassandra, I feel your stress…I have been exactly where you are right now…lazer focused on one incident…I am learning to focus on myself. Personally I try to avoid creating a routine because inevitably someone will need to break from it.
    Rori says we are to receive…you don’t need to be able to give back right now, and be surprised..which means we need to let go of expected results.

    Circular dating, isn’t dating the way it usually means…in a nut shell I think of it as ego boosting time, and practice time…can be worked on at any given moment you are around a man or a bunch of men…on the street…eye contact…at the store…a smile…etc.


  208.  #208Josie of the Pines on November 9, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    I feel as if I am the Queen of Mistakes. After twenty years of marriage, I had sex with another married man. It has been the single most devasting experience of my life. We had an emotional affair for about nine months before it turned physical. This man pursued me, befriended me, clearly indicated his physical attraction to me and, once we slept together, completely shut me out of his life. He ran back to his wife, won’t see me and barely speaks to me when we are in a public place. We live in the same community about a mile from each other and when we do occasionally run into each other, it’s very painful. I have feelings for this man and am incredibly hurt that he cut me out of his life so abruptly, with such cold-hearted detachment. My husband knows about the affair and has been incredibly supportive, but he wants my feelings for this man to end. I do, as well, as he causes me nothing but heartache. I can’t circular date, for obvious reasons, so how do I overcome my hurt and heartache? And how do I rekindle feelings of love for my husband after being consumed with these intense feelings for this other man?

  209.  #209Rori Raye on November 9, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Whoa – Josie. This is not about a mistake. This is about what’s going wrong with your marriage…why is your husband “supportive” when he should be leaving you, and yet you have no feelings for him and stay with him. This is about why you would feel the need to end your marriage in this way, that feels awful, rather than face the pain of your non-working marriage straight on. This is about you completely giving up all your power and lurching around hoping something will “happen” and save you. You have to save yourself. You must try some things. Try counseling with your husband with a John Gottman-style therapist, or a couple like Matthew and Orna Walters. Falling in love with a man in an impossible situation – doubly impossible because he, as well as you, are married – is such a personally self-destructive thing to do that here is where you START. Asking yourself what’s really going on will help. My guess is that you are enraged with and at your husband. Start by asking yourself about that. Start by getting some of the anger in your marriage out in the open. Please keep writing here and let us know your process. We’ll help all we can. Love, Rori

  210.  #210Josie of the Pines on November 10, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    It was horrifying to read your reply. It appears I am not seeing the forest for the trees. I stay in my marriage for many reasons, among them: obligation, fear and financial security. My husband is a good man who has worked hard to provide for me and our three (!) children. Our kids would be devastated if I left. Also, I have nowhere to go and I’m not saying that just to be flip. My family members would not take me in and have told me in no unspoken terms that I need to gut out my marriage. It looks so good on paper! I don’t have a job by which I could support myself despite my best efforts at acquiring one in the present economy. So, you see, Rori, I am trapped and have no power. The last time my husband came to counseling with me about five years ago, he was just there “for me.” His viewpoint is that nothing is wrong with him or how he is in our relationship. I wound up going alone after that. I still remember being so angry at my therapist when she told me I “had no marriage.” Everyone is constantly urging me to stay in my marriage but a large part of me wants to leave, put the past behind me and make a new start, now, more than ever, given the painful position I have now placed myself. I lack the tools, the strength, and the finances to do it ~ yes, the power. A thought that haunts me, “Who would want a 48-year-old woman with three kids from another man?” I would be alone with no prospects. All the men my age who are worth a damn are married!

  211.  #211Flipper on November 10, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    Josie – Ouch! Sending you some TLC, to help kick-start the care you give yourself, the self-care that gets your power back and also enables you to truly care for those you love. Many of us have felt or are still feeling like we’re in that sort of trap. Baby steps, building up our strength and tearing down the cage, one bar at a time.

    Age is just another tree blocking the forest. See one of Dock’s comments about that, near the end of Rori’s latest post (re online dating). Or Tinque’s about the age of women’s sexual prime on earlier threads.


  212.  #212Josie of the Pines on November 10, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Hi, Flipper. I’ve been kicking the cage for a long time and it is about time to tear down some of the bars. Thanks for your kindness when I really need it.

  213.  #213Josie of the Pines on February 12, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    I bought John Gottman’s book and see to some extent that the five horsemen are at work in my marriage. I’ve been trying so hard to stop the feelings I have for this other man (doubly so since they are not reciprocated) and fall back in love with my husband but it is so difficult. When we are out in public, I look around the room to see if any men appear interested. I see men looking at me and I want to look back. Does this mean that my marriage is over?

  214.  #214Megan on July 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    ladies I need your support.
    it has been some time now since I last posted but it is still HARD.
    I still feel so powerless and embarassed and ashamed and UNATTRACTIVE.
    i feel like i slipped up and shouldnt have listened to the people I did.
    I have soooo many regrets, it’s hard to not dwell on them and move forward when he still thinks he’s GOT me anytime he wants.
    I know I shouldn’t even be concerned about what he thinks but it’s so OBVIOUS and he THRIVES off it.
    This is hands down the HARDEST thing I have ever done and I pray every night to be let off the merry-go-round.
    it seems like I will NEVER get past it, and NEVER quit caring. why is life such a catch-22??
    I know this is vague but I could really use any words you have for me.
    I feel I am truly at rock-bottom.
    none of my clothes fit cus I’ve lost so much weight, I’ve tried anti-depressants and they make me sick, I self-medicate most nights and am basically barely hanging on always…
    it seems when it rains it pours cus other things in my life have been on a downward spiral as well and so it all reinforces itself.
    I am currently looking for a counselor but it is hard to get someone and $$.
    please help.

  215.  #215sophie on August 8, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    I love this article:) Thx Roriii

    Ok so I have made a mistake and now I must move on