Love Dilemma – How To Stay Fresh When You’re Getting Great Results

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ribbonheartWanted to print this comment by Terry with my short answer…and then jump into a post all about this  (Terry is answering Shannon’s response to another comment…you can read the whole exchange here->):

“Wow, thanks Rori! I feel tears streaming down my face after reading your answer. Your support is just the confidence booster I needed. I tend to second guess myself. Thanks for explaining about the muddy water/clear water. That’s exactly how it feels to me. I feel relaxed now knowing that I’m growing. : )

Shannon, well to be honest, I didn’t really do much of anything with the Circular Dating. First, my date had asked me to a dance and he is somewhat of a social butterfly. (That feels perfectly fine to me. I love his social skills and I feel attracted to that quality about him.) So, when he decided to go socialize around the room, I told myself “Ok, here’s your chance, Terry. Time to use a skill you just learned!” I used the “turnaround” tool.

Instead of watching where my date was going, who he was going to talk to, etc., I completely turned away from him. I took a slow, deep breath (because this felt scary), leaned back with palms open, felt a big smile come across my face, and scanned the room at all the men. I knew some of them, many I didn’t. Most of the men had dates.

Shannon, it was amazing. Three of them took turns coming over to talk to me and they had all brought dates! I felt my heart racing a bit, but then I started to really feel empowered. I looked directly into their eyes when they spoke. I kept leaning back, kept smiling. After this happened the third time, I felt an arm slide around my waist. It was my date, looking a bit irritated at all the attention I was getting. I felt great!

My date then kept getting me drinks and food. He also kept me on the dance floor a long time. During the next band break, my date went to get something to drink. I went up to the stage to look at the musical equipment, because I’m also a musician. Just then a band member came over to talk to me. I told him how excited I felt over seeing his instrument, because I felt drawn to maybe buying the same one. He instantly began giving me a demo. I nodded a lot, used ‘umm hmms’ and ‘ooohs’, and thanked him for the lesson. I told him I felt better educated on the topic.

Just then I felt someone watching me. Sure enough, my date (the same guy who disappeared on me 4 months ago) was glaring at me and this other musician. After that, my guy didn’t seem to feel the need to work the room anymore. He stayed by me the rest of the night. Amazing! I used lots of positive feeling messages with my date, too.

I was also careful to keep my boundaries. At the end of the evening I felt him wanting a make-out session. I told him I only felt comfortable kissing and holding each other, but that’s all. I didn’t feel ready for more yet. He smiled and complied.

Here’s  my note:

Terry, talk about fast results!

And you did all this from your INSIDE.  BRAVA to you!!!!!!

Just keep doing what you’re doing, and now – because you’ve had some great results – you have a new wrinkle: you’re going to have to be very aware of the “Be Surprised” part of the Rori Raye Mantra so you don’t instinctively start focusing on the results.

This is a traditional, classic actor’s issue.

The first take is spontaneous, it just happens.  After that – you want to RECREATE the magic that resulted.

But you have more and more “takes.”

The director wants it done over and over because of the light, the camera, etc.

The actor starts trying to remember what they did that worked, and then it becomes stiff, forced, planned.

The goal here for all of us is to just experience and use the Tools fresh and new each time – let past results go out of your head and heart and body, and just look for the new messages, the new lessons, the new experiences.

Terry – you go, girl!

Love, Rori

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174 Comments

  1.  #1nikita on November 4, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    🙂 ************ I LOVE THIS STORY********** 🙂

    I feel super smily at Terry’s experience…..love, love, love it! I started applauding as I read it and my mouth fell open.

    Yayy!



  2.  #2Dorothea on November 4, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    I put an ad up on a dating site and got 20+ responses in 2 days. It felt really exciting and I loved the attention that my ad got, but last night I felt sick to my stomach about it. I felt drained by it. I feel like I am leaning forward by having the ad. I feel like I am coming from a fearful place of being scared to not get attention or not be noticed or be alone.

    Right now I feel better not worrying so much about men at all, or worrying about having a date. I feel interested in what would happen if I just lived my life and didn’t worry about any of that stuff. But that feels strange to me too. I need to focus on saving money and moving off of my friend’s couch (spent all my money on a European traveling adventure) into an apartment of my own that makes me feel good. I need to study for the GRE. I need to work on my career at my very demanding job at a political campaign.

    I’ve even thought about not reading this site for a while…like maybe it’s making me too boy-crazy. I feel angry with myself and foolish.



  3.  #3Mags on November 4, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Thanks for the post.
    I have also been wondering a bit about what next. I’m in the situation that I need to work on a project with a guy who broke up with me because he claims that we want different things in life. I find it hard to believe him, I have a feeling that we want the same thing, but that he is just not aware of it…

    But putting that feeling aside, I know I don’t change his mind for him, so I have been careful to focus on my own life, I spent most of my free time meeting friends and keeping an open mind towards any man that I meet… I guess circular dating is one way to describe what I have been doing.

    And while he was very passive towards me the weeks leading up to the “we dont want the same things” conversation. Lately he has put more effort in to our communications, does things for me and while we where working together yesterday he hugged me when I was about to leave… I dont think he had planed to hug me – he actually apologized and said that I just looked like I needed a hug. I didnt say anything let him hug me for a while (I really did need a hug – not because of him or work, but other things that are happening in my life) then smiled and said goodbye.

    It feels a bit confusing – but then I guess its because he is confused about what he wants. I was surprised and it is hard not to get overwhelmed by the change…and just want to do anything to keep it happening. But I have a feeling that this would end-up producing the exact opposite.

    At the same time I really like the focus I have put on my social life and feel that even if this has hurt at times (and is still confusing) I have gained a lot spending time with fiends and flirting with men. Anything else is really a bonus.



  4.  #4Dorothea on November 4, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    BTW I loved reading about the tools working wonders! Nice work!



  5.  #5la la land on November 4, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    great story, will try it on our next outing.

    my tool of the month was feeling massage. at first i found it almost impossible.

    the story goes that we rarely do things that are about us, most of our out life had to do with his job.
    after taking myself on a two days out, i received from my husband a rare weekend invitation. then, few days ago, he said he will be overworked and would cancel it. i said i understand. then when i noticed im not getting any calmer, i sinked and asked myself what was i feeling- it was easy! i was so disappointed. i said: you know what, i understand you have your work and all but i feel so dissapointed, like a child.
    he imidiatly opened for me and said, well in this case i will make an effort.
    i was pleased and then the day after he said but if we dont get those concert tickets, its a waste of energy to go.
    i took the half day out over the phone i almost canceled the whole thing, then i try to be clear to myself and i said:
    my idea was that we can be able to take time for our self that is not about work or tickets. for me this was
    i feel+ i want + i dont want = loving myself first + boundaries + leaning back + negotiation + letting him decide were to go+ receiving… so much work.

    he was soft like butter, he said lets take the weekend to a small village, which i adore.
    before all this tools this would end up in a big fight and no weekend, so for me its my baby step of the week.



  6.  #6gina on November 4, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    I’m happy to read about this! I had something similar on a couple of dates with johnny – he went to say congrats to the musicians and I felt sorta alone. I focused my attention else where, but it didn’t even occur to me to be available to other men. Things with him don’t feel so good. There’s no urgency. No rush. it feels like he’s in a vaccuum, and sometimes he pops out to be with me and get a man-boost, but then he goes back to his vacuum. I definitely need to do more of what Terry did here. And I will take Rori’s advice as well – not focus on the results. Because I very well may not get johnny’s attention by attracting other men, but I will feel better. I have been dating, but I have to admit, that I lost some desire for it after I saw Johnny this weekend. But now, after a few days of lackluster texting with him, I feel Urgent about attracting other men.



  7.  #7alias girl on November 4, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    i feel really good to read about terry’s experience using rori’s programs and tools. 🙂

    and i feel tickled to read nikita’s response and applauding.

    dorothea i feel supportive. the more i break my life down into moments of NOW, the better i feel. right NOW i feel good to be commenting on this blog. (yae!)
    and as Abraham says:

    a happy life is nothing more than a bunch of happy moments strung together. but most people don’t allow the happy moment (of NOW) because they are too busy trying to get a happy life.

    i paraphrased and added stuff but basically this resonates with me.



  8.  #8Dorothea on November 4, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    Thank you Alias Girl



  9.  #9tinque on November 4, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    This is a great story.
    I want to add to the being surprised part. This applies to sex as well. Every sexual encounter is different and brings its own brand of yummy.
    If we can take the focus OFF the outcome, every moment is a joy and feels wonderful. Taking away any expectations leaves you open to awe and wonder, and each moment is then a delightful surprise.
    xxoo



  10.  #10alias girl on November 4, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    i feel very open. and also timid and nervous.

    in the past, all my defenses (aka how to alienate the world) have been to protect me and my shyness and sensitivity and low self esteem and fears and partial asperberger-like “weirdness” and lack of boundaries.

    now i am opening up. and life is soooooo much better but for me it is babysteps. and i believe life supports that. life is encouraging of my baby steps and is just fine with my pace and will provide me perfect wonderful opportunities wherever i am at in my expansion. (thank you!)

    but if i am not expanding and taking these opportunities i will most likely feel pain and “stuckness”.

    today, right NOW i feel open and excited. (and a little (ALOT) nervous.

    yae!



  11.  #11gina on November 4, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    I wonder if it is no bueno to judge if a man is “into” us. Lately I notice I’m judging whether a man seems “into” me, and then I begin feeling worse and worse based on my thinking about his into-me-ness. or I feel better based on my estimation, and the reality is that it’s all in my head. I guess the key is to focus on my feelings, and when I don’t feel good, and that big “BUT WHY????” pops into my head about why a man isn’t behaving in a feel good way, the easy answer is “because he’s just not that into me.” but I don’t need to sit around thinking about whether he is adequately demonstrating that he is, indeed, into me.



  12.  #12Dorothea on November 4, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    I am going to go out on a date right now with a man who is VERY into me but doesn’t quite seem to measure up for me most of the time and be open and receiving and in the moment.



  13.  #13Daria on November 4, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    yay i ordered my company brand products and managed to save a bunch and all in all am getting lots of flyers business cards and car magnets with my new info for under 70 bucks yay



  14.  #14Bethany on November 4, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    I went to a bar tonight. The one good bar in town. There were tons of people there. Some good looking guys. But no one talked to me. Didn’t even look at me. I sat with my barstool facing the room and watched the Yankees/Phillies game so as not to look like I was just staring into space.

    I sipped my ice tea and felt like crying. So I got up and left after half an hour. So, maybe go back tomorrow. I feel like a bar fly. Match.com: silent. I bet Chris doesn’t call me tonight. I am keeping myself busy to avoid waiting for the phone call.



  15.  #15Bethany on November 4, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    Daria,

    Yay for your business stuff. Super cool. I’d put your magnet on my car.



  16.  #16Linda on November 4, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    If I ever get an opportunity to try this, believe me I will. I have never been approached like that nor am I an extremely an outgoing person. Baby steps…

    I get the concept though.

    Linda



  17.  #17Daria on November 4, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    Bethany _

    sounds like what I would feel like “bar fly” thats when I would get drunk lol cuz i get social… but really lately ive been feeling better ( even without drinking) even alone in public.

    that Lefkoe method thingy really helped me erase teh i’m not good enough belief.

    i want the whole program so i can release the “something bad will happen if people’s attention is on me belief” and conditioned fear reaction

    I feel really warm reading about your experience because I relate to it and i feel surprised someone else would have a smiliar experience.



  18.  #18Rori Raye on November 4, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Mags, Welcome, and if you’d let me, I’d want to encourage you to completely stop thinking about this man. If he hasn’t come forward yet, he likely won’t. It’s very difficult for a man to stay away from a woman who’s interested in him. That’s why the hugs, the attention. But…he doesn’t feel enough attraction to want to see you, date you, be with you. I know this sounds icky – but, truly, he just can’t be the one for you…and I can feel from your comment that your energy is bound up in him more than a little. You’re doing a brilliant job of switching your energy to yourself and other people…but it will be so much EASIER for you to attract a new, great man once you’ve really, actually written this one off. Love, Rori



  19.  #19nikita on November 4, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    THE YANKEES WINNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    did i mention I’m from ny?

    THE YANKEES WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and I met a boy…….ok he’s a man



  20.  #20Rori Raye on November 4, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    Bethany – this is huge. This is a huge experiment and experience. There is some reason these men aren’t coming over to you…and when you crack this …everything will open up for you. Perhaps, to start, you might try going with a friend so you have someone to actually talk to. Don’t even give the room any energy, just talk with the person you came with, and work on relaxing Tools, feeling Tools, all that. Perhaps facing the room first time out was just too much for your system. You made it through 30 minutes – and you were intensely triggered! I think you need a “calling.” Take a look at high-end charities around town and see what the volunteering is like. Spend some time in a battered women’s shelter, or reading to kids. Let’s see if you can find some new places to be. The best men are involved in charities. And politics. Make some WOMEN friends…have tea with them…lunch. See if you can get some balance in your life – and get more of your energy “out the window” into making a contribution. Give this some consideration, and let me know if yuo come up with some ideas. Love, Rori



  21.  #21Rori Raye on November 4, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    Dorothea – am I reading this right…are you expecting HIM to be open and receiving and in the moment? That’s supposed to be YOU! He’s supposed to be in his head, and giving to you…Love, Rori If I read this wrong, let me know…and don’t worry about the measuring up part. Just do Circular Dating and practice the Tools. Practice Receiving. Love, Rori



  22.  #22Rori Raye on November 4, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    Gina – start with simple actions of his. If he calls, makes dates, follows through, seems to ask questions about you and listens…and it feels good…then he’s okay to date. If you’re dating a bunch of men, you won’t have time or energy to focus on what any particular man is doing. You’ll just be practicing Tools, learning to have fun no matter what, learning to speak the truth, to feel your feelings, use Feeling Messages – so many opportunities! Love, Rori



  23.  #23Rori Raye on November 4, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    Alias Girl – how lovely you are! Love, Rori



  24.  #24Rori Raye on November 4, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    Dorothea, you sound great, and I love your priorities now. Love, Rori



  25.  #25nikita on November 4, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    so the guy didn’t look like much…..(young looking)…but he was the only one brave enough to step up and talk to me……then after the game I put on my coat and he did not let me go without getting my number and before he said bye….he made a date for the weekend and insisted he’d call me…….that’s masculine…..a CLOSER….maybe I set off his alarm :)//// I wore blue jeans sneakers and a baseball cap……but i leaned back and did my own thing…I was there to watch the game-strictly-he was a phillies fan….but being a loser didn’t stop him 🙂 HOT



  26.  #26Daria on November 4, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    I did this same thing at the club Monday, a man picked me up I felt good, we drank some tequila shots beforehand but I seem to be good without that too like on Holloween no drinking etc.

    anyway I was not drunk and I refused extra drinks in the club which is cool. seems ive reached my goal of being cool with and witout alcohol.

    so anyway man jetted off to “be social” or whatever with his friends, I didn’t mind because club was full of men so I started dancing. I danced with lots of men but I felt a little anxious when my date came around to dance with me, I still kept dancing I had fun I looked a cute guy in the eye and he was eyeing me back hehe…

    I went crazy dancing I was really doing my thing it felt great

    then he wanted to leave 30 min before closing I wouldve stayed to flirt with more men I am feeling really craving sexual attention lately

    but i said ok, then he decides (after we leave) that he can’t take me home because he’s been drinking and is worried about getting stopped – BUT he says I can drive! what??? i’ve been drinking too this is why I felt ok to drink since I wasn’t driving. HE keeps insisting I drive and I’m just saying NO. I am not going to drive. I do not want to drive.

    The thing is this happened to me a few weeks ago it felt horrible this guy would not take me back and i got stuck at his house (no drinking, he just claimed to be too tired although he was trying to go dancing some more 5 min before) . this was my horrible date from a few weeks ago that i did not describe but it felt kinda horrible

    so I TOLD this guy about that date and he said oh hes not like that but now he does the same thing and then tells me TH ESAME THING – “You only care about yourself”

    what???

    yeah right! I’m not going to drive when YOU don’t feel safe driving WTF!! then hes like oh my house is too far… im like uhhh we’re supposed to be going to MY HOUSE! hhello!!

    I called my friend who I had told about last time and he actually came and pikced me up so i spent the nite at his house.

    I felt glad because I did not want to give this guy a second of my time and I wouldve walked to my sisters house. THis time I had sneakers on, not heels and a skirt like last time this occurred a few weeks back.

    I expect a man to do what he says as in DONT DRINK when you agreed to take me home!! especially after I told you that I had a bad experience. weird that these guys are from the same country lol but I’m not gonna form a belief about it because thats how you get thrown off… its just THEM being weird and if “you only care about yourself” is a common phrase well I bet they decided to use it in this context and its on them

    I AM however going to meet and spend shorter first dates with men before they pick me up to go somewhere far

    hmm

    i feel pist

    he called the next day and i reiterated that yes i feel mad. I understand drinking too much on accident but thats something to keep in mind when you promise to take someone home. then he said well i just have liability and the police can pull me over, I wouldve been ok if you drove! I said that makes me feel furious and it feels awful to hear that you think its ok for me to drive and possibly get in trouble INSTEAD of you. I said that feels NOT good and actually thank you for checking on me and im glad youre ok too and I don’t want to talk anymore bye.

    and that was the end of that convo

    both these guys seemed like “nice” guys but there were red flags like this guy for example when I would talk it seemed like he wasnt listening… like I would say something about a restaurant i liked and he would be not listening or answer me

    I had a great time flirting with the other men

    my friend that i spent the nite he likes me but I dont feel 100% good. I felt uncomfortable telling him that he had to take me home 30 min away I felt a lil unworthy. and he asked me to pay for toll and I wouldve felt better for him to pay but I didnt feel comfortable asking him to he was already giving me a ride

    then he told me that well him rescuiing me and us hanging out is a secret and that our othe rfriedns are immature and he doesnt want people talking about him. i said hmm. he said you dont agree? i said I dont worry aobut that… he tried to tell me again I said hmm. I dont feel good thiking that he wants to hide it from them i feel suspicious like he doesnt feel cool hanging out with me or hes scared or what? he should feel like ecstatic because everyone wants me lol. So basically i didnt feel too good about taht convo even tho “logically it made sense” but to me I felt like uncomfortable suspicious and judgemental and not close.



  27.  #27Daria on November 4, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    ever since I did that “I’m not good enough” belief removal i’ve been feeling much better in public hence I felt cool on Holloween in a crowd without drinking at all,

    and even waiting in my car on a corner with tons of crackheads around



  28.  #28Daria on November 4, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    I had to pay 132 to the court for wearing my seatbelt improperly that is i had my arm over the belt though i had it on. i didnt get the money on time and i went to pay it and now it went up 300 dollars to 432 and they rudely gave me the runaround i thought they would direct me to somewhere i could do something about it but instead i waited and the lady was rude and my friend said something and shes like oh be smart then… well its not like you were gonna lower the fine otherwise

    so now i’m gonna pay 432 to the court instead of 132 i guess its unavoidable now

    well i hope the court can pay their rent with my money now

    i am determined to feel free of money

    i feel terrified of my dad making me feel bad and unworthy about money and that feels bad all day and it feels exhausiting

    i wish eht lefkoe method was also offering the “i’m unworthy” belief removal

    i removed mistakes and failures are bad yesterday and i think it worked

    i will next remove “im not important” and (yay) “im not capable”

    I had a cute date this morning this guy is cute i dont feel like omg toward him but i feel comfy and good

    i offered to help him with math as im a tutor for some reason no one takes me up on my offer to help them free lol… well i WANT to help them dammit that would feel fun so that’s why i offered not to seduce him or whatever

    I don’t mind if he doesn’t take me up on it its his math class but it would feel fun to me to have work “practice” and maybe he can write a referral for me and referr me to other students



  29.  #29Daria on November 4, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    I now switched my number to google voice and forwarded to my cell. i though tit was great and ordered all my posters with the new number but now when i called it it said please leave your name so google voice can contact the person… i dono that feels disappointing to me i dont wnat that as my greeting

    however i dont feel as bad proablay because i dont have the mistakes and failures are bad mindset

    i want to get away from my dad and mom’s “energy” soi can feel inspired and frre to work instead of trapped and afraid and ashamed. they arent really saying much to me im just feeling it all day anyway

    i feel icky and i love my ickyness its all good

    i dont care how bad can it get so what if i wind up homeless in a shelter i know how to deal with that

    actually im pretty ready to move in a shelter right now just to MOVE and get out of here but i am worried to actually do it… so i just half imagine that i will go to the shelter and that feels nto too great and is not too great manifesting protocol either

    i want somewhere to live, FREE that feels good thank you

    it shoud feel free ie flip side of desperate thank you…

    i love my desperate feelings



  30.  #30Daria on November 4, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    i also talked on the phone with another guy tonite who again i dont feel like omg about but hes gonna come take me out to dinner (short) on saturday because i insisted on short not going out with guy i dont know after the not taking me home episodes

    so i feel excited about getting taken out to dinner and spending time with people ive been feeling lonely

    my lil brother just had another baby and i ran into him on the street today

    he said to call if i want to see the baby today but i didnt feel like it which i feel kinda weird and guilty about

    i feel uncomfortable because his baby’s mom who is also my friend now seems to act weird about him chillin with me and that makes me feel weird and uncomfortable

    she used to hang out wiht me and chill and was cool before they had kids

    uf
    sigh

    i love writing

    i am writing for me and it feels good i feel like im talking to someone who cares HELLO! thank you journal

    the guy i keep thinking about is this one guy i saw a month ago although it feels great cuz i feel respected by him i also feel weird cuz it seems he fell asleep on me a couple times when i was telling a passion story. also it feels like he sometimes makes negative jealous comments regarding race or money, and also i felt judged by the advice and stuff he was telling me when i was telling him i felt upset about something i felt like he was telling me something like i didnt know it like he doesnt respect my gangster or something which is a nono for me actually i feel angry thinking about it

    even my formerly abusive ex who did not respect my gangster before now does lol

    but he went back to jail right now not really his fault though someone he was with decided to do some stupid stuff and they hauled him back to jail probably for a while bec of his paroloe probation
    i did not put 25 dollars on my phone to talk to him because i felt stressed about money right then
    i want to visit him i never have though ive visited other people, but then again i figure hey he never got it together enough to come visit me and take me out like he knew i wanted to so what is the point of me going out to visit him now

    i want to tell him well i would visit u but when you’re out i barely see u anyway you dont even get it together enough to visit me, you act like its too big deal to drive 30 min to come see me oooh but you want me to visit you

    actually he wont probaly ask me to visit him cuz he thinks i wont hehe he thinks i dont do that or wouldnt do that for him because im on my new woman shit which he thinks is cool but i wish he would get undepressed and i feel sad and worried thinking about how will he get his life and business right when his whole family and friends dont really have it right like that poor papi. i like this papi now but he still needs to take the initiative to come see me if he wants to see me as bad as he does and boy does he seem to the way he texts and calls me and begs me

    i was wondering what happend that he stopped calling and begging i did not think he would give up thats when i found out he got taken back in jail hmmm

    i feel al lil scared telling you this journal but hey i love my scaredness anyway

    my other ex got out of jail too and his program and i called him because i wanted to see since he came up in convo but he didn not call me back
    weird since before he was calling me wanting to see me and sounding better than before hmm
    maybe he thinks he wants to get it together before calling me cuz he knows im not going to go bullshit with him like before

    lalala

    i saw this boy on myspace he is really cute but young, he wanted to see what i thought of his music i thought that was annoying but then ilistened to it and it was really good and i told him

    i felt afraid to tell him i felt attracted to him i felt insecure and like i would be a weirdo because he seems young shoot might not be over 18 so i really didnt want to put myself in a weird situation i felt unworthy like im too old

    anways he didnt say anything to me like youre attractive although of course i am

    i am now hoping he will answer and he will be over 18 lol and be willing to come see me no WANTING to come see me and ABLE to come see me

    he had some nice quotes about women i felt surprised

    oh yeah some of his facial expressions reminded me of my first ex, who went crazy, i heard he’s better now not as crazy he spent the last years since a lil after we broke up wandering the streets talking to himself that is when he wasnt in prison because well being crazy doesnt necessarily prevent people from going to prison i feel overwhelmed stormy anger inside

    la la lllaalalah

    im writing and writing and writing and it feels good

    ive been feeling weird and bottled off and offf like i fell off my happy trackl i fell off the healing the everything is lovely track somewhere GRRR

    probably that stupid seminar in LA for men where we were supposed to “serve the men” they had that its feminine to “give/serve” um oops.

    but then they did do a nice exercise of offering themselves in service to a lady which was cool

    yeah i felt really off there i wound up feeling sisterly with the men and not feeling like a worshipped goddess which felt weird

    it felt good to feel sisterly but whoa where idid that come from without my expecting it

    it felt weird to not feel like super desired goddess

    i also feel a lil resentment

    and i felt like these guys well they werent the guys i usually feel attracted to right off the bad so maybe thats why

    it feels not good to analyze it but it felt weird and rather confusing

    so after that is that when ive been feeling off?

    i dono

    i just feel off and bored again blah

    i feel bored with the men im meeting, i feel bored with the men im not meeting. im not talking a lot on the phone which i enjoy. even my myspace is not going wild with like super new men a day like it was before

    it feels booring booring booring

    i feel desirous of sex and i dont have anyone i feel close to having sex with

    i feel desirous of business success and i feel unfocused and afraid and stuck

    i feel like slapping my dad witha big open palm boxing glove whoa

    i guess ive been feeling mad at my dada nd i havent known how to fully embrace it and move on from that feeling so im carrying it around constantly blah

    that doesnt feel good

    i love my feelings

    i love all of me and now i feel tihg above my left eye and i feel kinda relaxed and good

    i RELALYU would love to be on the phone with a man right now or meeting a sexy man that i could make out with hehe

    this usually means im missing my own love and i feel sad about that

    i want to give myself a rose

    aww thanks daria

    i feel sad and lonely, i dont have many female friends either right now

    my sister hasnt called me ive been feeling weird too ever since our last interaction which was cool though

    i reread her text and realized she wasnt totally attacking me she had actually written something else

    i feel interested in creating miraculous feel good surprsises that feel like a secure feel good new normal that wont fall through like breaking the wooden board on an outside poop chute and falling into poop

    ew that feels gross and disgusting

    i read about the some people in the concentration camp who hid in the poop toilet thingy so they wouldnt be killsed

    yes again i ahve these concentration camp things that come up for me

    i lvoe myself

    the fantasy story i got from the library is fun to read,

    one of the master trainers said life is not for us to do what we want to but instead to do what must be done

    yes warrior woman would agree but i now realize that

    what must be done is what we want to do hehe

    hello feminine world love

    my dad would say its not ok

    my dad doesnt think its ok for me to be feminine energy but

    I dont need his permission im grown

    ladidah

    we need some fuckin femimine energy in this house

    our cat is feminine energy and everyone loves the hell out of him

    i know personally i squeezed the hell out of him all his life he still doesnt like it now i try to respect him more even though it feels so good to squeeze him like a sponge

    i feel good to just pour and pour out the tub ein my chest

    i am doing the tube tool with jet by writing hehe



  31.  #31gina on November 4, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    thank you Rori. That is what I wanted to know. We had sex this weekend, and the next morning he texted that it was a beautiful night with me. And I’ve gotten one or two texts per day since. He’s been sick, plus he’s dealing with his job search and his sick grandpa – I just feel weird about how we’ve been acting so intimate when we are together, but then he doesn’t stay in close contact with me. It leaves me wondering if he really is into me. But then when I’m with him, everything feels really good. As far as him following through – he has, but that’s been a gray area in a bizarre way. for instance, last friday night, i was at work at the comedy club and I got a text from him that said “hey I’m 5 minutes away…meet you in the lobby?” I got it at 11pm, and it was sent at 8:55pm. I felt SO sad that I missed him!! It totally threw my game off at work cause I was thinking about it. I texted him “Boo! I just got your text.” then I texted “I’m so sad – come back!” then he texted “Whoops – that was meant for Whatshisface (his friend)!) Ugh. Then, the next day, we had a plan to hang out for halloween, and he said he’d call me that day to set details. He did call midday, while I was taking a nap. I did take the call, but he said that I should just call him when i woke up to discuss details. Well, I followed his lead and called when i woke up, but he didn’t answer. so I texted him that I was up and wondering about details. No response for like 3 hours!!! I was getting so upset! I called my mom, I was on the verge of tears. And then I get a text from him that he had fallen asleep. Then he calls all groggy voice, and everything is fine and we make the plan. And the night was great! but, now, a few days later of minimal contact, I’m feeling anxious about whether he’s “into me” enough for me to be dating him/having sex with him. When we were together he said that he likes me, but he hasn’t felt like ‘a man’ since he lost his job and he feels ‘a little bad’ dating me. I wish we communicated more about this. I just don’t know where to put him in my head.



  32.  #32nikita on November 5, 2009 at 12:04 am

    and he’s italian(mixed) 🙂 and he claims he went to Harvard 🙂

    HOT

    he looks very intelligent…very….I love dating myself~I feel sexy.



  33.  #33Daria on November 5, 2009 at 12:06 am

    Nikita that does sound hot hehe



  34.  #34nikita on November 5, 2009 at 12:11 am

    Gina,

    Put his butt in the “broke” low self esteem category and keep it moving……oops….I was drinking 🙁

    said by a male poet friend of mine;………

    “I have the materials to authorize me to your physical”

    that’s masculinity….they’re just wired that way…..we have our struggles and they have theirs………I didn’t make the rules….

    xoxoxo nikita



  35.  #35gina on November 5, 2009 at 12:15 am

    Oh Nikita you crack me up. I feel so uplifted now. Thanks for that – It’ll make me laugh if I feel tempted to fret about it some more 🙂



  36.  #36nikita on November 5, 2009 at 12:50 am

    Yay……….i felt almost bad for being so blunt///

    🙂 i feel better……..honesty is the best policy



  37.  #37nikita on November 5, 2009 at 1:01 am

    oh and……..the boy I met offered to root for the yankees even though he was hoping the phillies won……trying to please me…..haha…..I said no thank-you…and then he was taken aback at my refusal…..so I leaned in and whispered into his ear…..you can say what you want, but if your heart isn’t in it………………..
    then he said….you’re right….your heart has to be in it….

    I knew he looked smart 🙂 now I feel…

    HOT



  38.  #38Tracy on November 5, 2009 at 1:25 am

    ………….It’s very difficult for a man to stay away from a woman who’s interested in him. That’s why the hugs, the attention. But…he doesn’t feel enough attraction to want to see you, date you, be with you. I know this sounds icky – but, truly, he just can’t be the one for you…and I can feel from your comment that your energy is bound up in him more than a little………………
    There was a time this words stung like hell each time i read them from a comment….i felt my heart sink down and i wanted to curl up and just die….
    Today i read them and they feel like love and i feel more understanding for me and why i am where i am at in my relationship….I understand more clearly why i need to focus my energy out there and just love me a bit more…
    so the words feel okay i guess the more i learn to love myself the more i realize that i am the prize and the love i truly crave for is inside of me not held out there and it feels much better sharing it with someone willing to receive it….than with that one whose not sure,or has issues going on….this has felt challenging to me and i am learning to let go and i feel grateful for the many reminders i get each day…to learn to allow and let love come to me because its really there…i just need to be patient and it will come….



  39.  #39Tracy on November 5, 2009 at 1:37 am

    Gina,
    I was in a similar situation a while back…the whole confusion once i became intimate with the guy and the fear of loosing him…..thanks for sharing this….I feel that the intimacy brings about all the insecurities that may be hiding inside of me and my wanting to feel secure is what makes me go utterly crazy….
    If i would have a similar situation again i would process through my feelings no matter what they are…..be more open about how i am feeling with him when i feel the need to…..most of the time i feel that my icky feelings are really how i am perceiving the situation to be and not really what is actually happening…
    Circular dating would also be great to help keep me in balance so that i focus less on what is going on with him which i must admit is usually hard and more on making me feel good whether i have him around or not….
    I have found that the most important thing to remember is that I feel good……if being with him makes me feel good then he’s okay….if not then i look for that which feels good and i follow it from there….
    I’ve made it a mantra to focus more on me feeling good ad through this……he’s able to receive the goodness in me….



  40.  #40Daria on November 5, 2009 at 3:50 am

    i know whats going on! im feeling really turned on and im not used to or dont feel comfortable just feeling turned on going thru life…

    ikeep wanting to associate it witha man and i think im tryna get from him…

    but really im trying to give and share my own feeling of turned on ness!

    wow!

    ok so i can practice being turned on with myself oh yay

    i dont need to talk to a man to be ok feeling super sexy desiring and well… turned on…

    i can practice just feeling it all the time yeah

    cool



  41.  #41Paula on November 5, 2009 at 5:54 am

    My job interview went well – I even mananged to babble in French! I have to meet a more senior manager but they want me.

    My cage door has opened and I feel scared. I spent all night thinking that my dream is impossible, I feel comfortabe in the life that I have now (not so bad). Now, I have the chance to try to fly.

    I feel terrified to move to a new city where I don’t know anyone. I feel scared and excited to speak a new language. I feel overwhelmed to find a place to live and move my stuff and my cat. I forget why I had this dream in the first place…

    But I feel proud of me… I did it!

    I’m taking a break from internet dating for a while. I’m too excited by my new possibilities to become depressed by that….



  42.  #42nikita on November 5, 2009 at 9:14 am

    Paula,

    congratulations 🙂



  43.  #43nikita on November 5, 2009 at 9:21 am

    Rori,

    I always wanted to read to children……I love reading out loud……..how can I volunteer for that? I didn’t think it was possible without being a “proper” teacher or something……oooh I’d love to do that…..anyone?….suggestions?? I used to work as a camp leader and help with homework…..my first job……but now people seem so fearful to me if one doesn’t have credentials of a certain nature……I feel so excited 🙂



  44.  #44Dorothea on November 5, 2009 at 9:43 am

    Hey Rori,
    Thank you for your reply:) I meant I was going to be open and receiving, even though he doesn’t seem to measure up.

    But, he picked me up, and right away I felt so off and so irritated, so I went home. No date. We talked about it and he asked what my problems were…one big thing is that he texts A LOT in this nervous way. Like several different invitations in one evening through text until I respond (I asked him a million times to just call me), or bringing up serious stuff through texts late at night when I’m asleep, or at like 6 am when he wakes up. I felt guilty calling off the date but I felt even worse trying to pretend like I was happy to be there.

    Anyway, he texted me around 11 or 12 (at night) (HAHAHAHAH) to let me know he understands but disagrees with what I said. I rested my case. I am done feeling drained. I have said at least a hundred times to just call me or wait until a decent hour at least. Feels rather futile at this point.



  45.  #45terry on November 5, 2009 at 10:28 am

    Work is crazy and I have felt rushed since yesterday.

    Rori, I understand what you’re saying about the ” be surprised” element. My biggest challenge right now is trying to stay in each moment, in touch with everything I’m feeling in any given moment.

    I’ve never chased men and I feel a bit shy with them at times, but at work I’m a very driven, goal-oriented, bottom line results kind of woman. My job demands lots of thinking and brain power. I’m a long range planner, so learning to “be” and stay in the moment on dates has been my first biggest challenge.

    What happened at that dance last weekend felt like a huge step for me. It felt really scary to take a leap like that, even though it sounds so small. It started feeling more scary when men started approaching me. I don’t feel I know exactly what I did, but I must have changed my vibe somehow. Bits of Rori’s programs and tools kept coming to me. I started small, though. I felt very surprised and amazed at the results.

    I ordered Modern Siren and “Reconnect,” and while I was waiting for those to arrive in the mail, I downloaded Rori’s ebook to get started. Once Modern Siren and Reconnect arrived, I listened to both programs all in one weekend! I felt overwhelmed and psyched all at the same time. I felt an awakening inside.

    Now I’ve been going back and listening to each CD/DVD and pausing between each one to feel the information really sink in.

    This coming weekend I will make an effort to let the results of last weekend go out of me, and to look at my new dates as brand new experiences. Feel each moment, Terry. Lean back, stay in the moment; stay fresh. Ahhh…



  46.  #46la la land on November 5, 2009 at 11:04 am

    i liked the title
    when i first met the tools i felt like the sky has opened and im through with troubles in my love life for good. hearing reconnect today, i felt like i lost all i learned i have to restart it again. i was becoming so relaxed and confident it felt like a celebration, and i went back to zero, do you know this process, has it happen to you?
    is this like sport and diet and cleaning your house? or will it become natural after a while?



  47.  #47Uschi on November 5, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    The message I get from Rori in this post is like she is saying keep it fresh. Each time something like this happens it is fresh and new and it is wrong to try to re-create it to have that same feeling again because there are so many possibilities for new positive feelings.
    I hope I got that right.



  48.  #48gina on November 5, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    nikita, as a substitute preschool teacher I get to read to little kiddos (infant to 5 years old) and pretty much at my convenience. it’s a little scary when yo think about it, but there were no credentials necessary, and just a criminal background check. in small doses, working at a preschool was fun. mostly it showed me that I want to avoid preschools/daycare for my kids as much as possible though 🙁

    oh, but I did my share of diapers…don’t know if you’re up for that par. it’s not so bad. usually.



  49.  #49Aldonza on November 5, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Just subscribing.



  50.  #50Mercedes on November 5, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Paula: That’s awesome! I moved to a new city a couple of times by myself (once when I didn’t know anyone and another time when I knew one person). I don’t regret either move. This could be a VERY exciting time in your life! I absolutely LOVE new beginnings whether the steps to get there were big or small.

    Anyway…good luck with everything and congratulations on the interview! 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  51.  #51Mercedes on November 5, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Nikita: I don’t know where you live, but if you are anywhere NEAR a children’s hospital, they are always looking for volunteers to read to or play with the children. I’ve seen the volunteers there do wonderful things…always putting smiles on the faces of very sick children. Not sure that’s what you’re looking for (it can be very emotionally draining), but something to think about maybe.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  52.  #52Tina on November 5, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    Oh crap, my date didnt happen, we made plans to meet at the coffee shop at 5pm, he gave me his cell phone just in case anything changed, I didn’t go to the coffee shop as planned but instead decided it was better for me to have him pick me up at home which is about 10 mins further driving, then I would pick up the driving from there. I called his cell phone no answer I called three times no answer, finally yesterday he saw me online and said hi,I said hi, he said he was sorry for not picking me up at the coffee shop. I said I feel disappointed that he never called and I feel angry knowing that if I did show up at the coffee shop , he would not have come and I would feel stuck there and having to take a taxi back home which would have cost about $25.00 He said he felt bad and was thinking of me the whole time, his excuse was on his way back to his camp to change the lock, he ran into a moose and shot it and didnt get back out until yesterday afternoon. His cell phone was out of range.

    What if what if, yeah thats where I am, what if I did wait at the coffee shop, I would feel furiuos, pissed off , right out crazy lol, I might have cried lol feel hurt, ;yeah hurt for sure. I’m glad I chose to stay home instead. I feel let down, pre rori raye I would have brushed it off, I still am feeling that way, but the focus is more on how I am feeling rather than oh let him do his manly man thing and kill a wild beast, there will be no famine hehe. I feel angry that our “date” was a priority at the time then that quickly changed when he got his chance to go wild beast killing. I feel torn, I can understand his situation of hanging out for almost a week with no wild beast then here is an chance to prove his manly man skills of hunting and gathering for his “tribe” lol either way I look at it I was STOOD UP ! grrrrrrrrrrr , then later that night 5 day date calls me, ugh ugh ugh! the phone call ended with me saying FCK YOU! slammed down the phone. I felt unheard by him, really unheard, it was so apparent to me during this phone call, I spoke in feeling messages about my unsafe feeling but no he just kept right on blah blah blah, not once acknowlegding my FEELINGS AT ALL! finally in the end I said fck you and hung up. grrrrrrrrrr. I watched movies with rest of the night.



  53.  #53alias girl on November 5, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    paula congratulations!!! i feel very proud of you!!!

    nikita in my city there is an organization called “Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic”. you read into a microphone in a booth and they record it for people who need it.

    i feel a little overwhelmed in this particular moment. similar to paula. all of a sudden the cage door is open and opportunities are presented and it is an adjustment.

    i am dedicated to make this adjustment to me “new normal” and higher vibration baby step by baby step. the world is going at my pace. i CAN be this person i have worked hard to grow into. in fact it almost seems easy. all it takes is my willingness to be open and authentic and saying yes.

    and staying in tune with my higher self and finding ways to feel good along the way. my dreams can feel fun. i needn’t scarf the wwhole cake down at once. i can stay in the moment. what am i doing right NOW? does it feel good?

    also now that i am a little deeper into circular dating i really feel clear on how a man can feel turned off when a woman laser focusses on him. the men i am currently attracting are laser focussing me and i just well i feel grateful for the perspective it is offering me. even if it was a guy i could potentially be really excited about — the laser focussing disrupts the balance and i feel a desire to back off just so i can keep connected to my own self and what i want.

    anyway i feel grateful for my new situations and certainly am in a far better place than when i first found rori.

    i feel grateful. thank you.



  54.  #54alias girl on November 5, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    tina i feel very proud of you for feeling your feelings. really this feels great to me and very empowering. i also feel compassion and empathy for your fury and rage and disappointment and sadness.

    wtf with mooseman. he waits til he sees you online. he doesn’t call you the SECOND he is in range and apologize PROFUSELY and promise to make it up to you????? he just casually sees you online and says hey by the way sorry ’bout that. maybe next time if i don’t have something better that comes up that will leave you stranded.

    yuh. ok. i’ll definitely be pining for that next date. Not.



  55.  #55alias girl on November 5, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    tina what is the message?



  56.  #56Tina on November 5, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    lol alias girl, Is all I can type right now, I have to reflect on this lol.



  57.  #57Tina on November 5, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    He is actually online right now, my status is “available” lol, he isnt talking to me right now. His status says ” Why plan anything!! It never works out!! ”

    My status said, “Ive been at the coffee shop since 5pm yesterday, Im still here waiting…” I since took it down, he saw my status, I know. I just know what he is going to do , he is going to offer some of his “wild beast” to me , bring it here and probibly cook it if he has to. I can almost predict it.



  58.  #58Tina on November 5, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Alias girl, what is the message, give me your honest opinion please, brutal honesty only. I feel stuck.



  59.  #59Tina on November 5, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    I find myself downplaying my feelings on this one. When I start to feel angry, furious,hurt I say to myself nah its ok, he did this blah blah blah great guy yah yah yah.



  60.  #60Mary Ann on November 5, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    “a happy life is nothing more than a bunch of happy moments strung together. but most people don’t allow the happy moment (of NOW) because they are too busy trying to get a happy life.”

    I have always totally believed this Alias Girl, and then I realized that a lot of my moments were like projects started and never finished, random and spread out…my question then was… how do you add the moments together in a way that produces something real and solid like a marriage? So I started to “stick things out”…that really didn’t work lol!

    I feel sad today, deflated and sad. I was thinking about “him”..promise guy…I feel sad that if he really isn’t going to follow through on his promises, (i’m pretty sure at this point he won’t be, but I’m open to be surprised) he won’t get to have my love. I feel sad that he will miss out on that, because my love is special and wonderful. I feel very sad that he won’t have that. I think he’s locked himself up like the people in the jail he works at. He has locked himself away from the good stuff so he doesn’t have to feel the bad stuff. I want to cry because he will be alone. He’s a good man, but he has issues and its not my job to fix them. It hurts my heart that he will not have my love. I want to make him feel safe but I’m scared I won’t be able to do it and then I will be sacrificing my happiness. So no I won’t. He will have to come to me, if he does I will receive, share my feelings and that’s it.



  61.  #61Tina on November 5, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    I feel anxious and and fearful that I will OVER REACT then start to feel sad and depressed about the thought of me over reacting, I see it as clear as day. This is what I do, I’m glad we are not chatting online right now or speaking by phone, in person. I feel unimportant. If he asks me to do something again what do I do? I have a tendancy to brush it off and say oh that is in the past, he feels bad, I feel bad , lets just move on.



  62.  #62nikita on November 5, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Mercedes,

    thank-you !! that’s brilliant !!!!!!!!!!

    Gina,

    thank-you for the warning…..I have some college but no degree….so………..I grew up changing diapers…but no I would’nt volunteer for that part 🙂



  63.  #63Tina on November 5, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    I feel stuck in feeling bad about feeling bad about my feelings. I feel like I am waiting for him to wake up and apoligize or do/say something and I know that this wont happen, do I want him to make my feelings go away? what is this? or wait until this passes, I will “forget” about it and move on and continue to accept dates from this guy? in the end I know what I’ll do and say, he will fall by the way side 🙂



  64.  #64Paula on November 5, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Thanks Mecedes, Nikita and AG for your congratulations. Did I mention it’s a new country too?? I feel optimistic that I can do it if I take baby steps.

    I’m just back from a music session in my local town. I felt tired but decided to go for an hour just to practice tools! So, I kept my body language open, made eye contact with men, smiled. It didn’t feel TOO difficult.

    I judged one guy as being closed, stressed looking, too old etc. etc. but decided to stay open anyway. So, he came up to me afterwards and awkwardly started a conversation. We chatted for a while and he turned out to be quite a nice guy. I feel excited and happy with this idea of exploring and being surprised by people. Not just men I’m attracted to but everyone.

    I’m going to have to learn how to say “I feel” in French:-)

    Goodnight



  65.  #65Tina on November 5, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    My Feelings of guilt as compared to his “great deed” hm.



  66.  #66nikita on November 5, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    oooooh Paula please teach us to say I feel n french…I’d love to know 🙂



  67.  #67Daria on November 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    Tina I would feel pist.

    I would say well I still feel angry to him. That felt AWFUL to be stood up.

    I feel chill right now it’s gray outside but im still feeling good.

    I asked the angels for help with lots of stuff today and am remembering that once i ask its ok to forget about it.

    I am planning on focusing on what makes me feel good and masculine stuff like creating a practice worksheet for my student.

    I had flirty fun times wiht men last nite on the phone yay.

    I am going to tap along with Brad Yates’ Tap o the Morning video on youtube because that always gets me really good stuff, even tho his other videos havent really seemed to work.

    But last nite i did it and i had a great nite.



  68.  #68nikita on November 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    Alias girl,

    that sounds like a great organization….I’ll research that



  69.  #69Daria on November 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    Je me sient ?



  70.  #70Daria on November 5, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    Nikita big libraries sometimes have volunteer hours to read to children



  71.  #71alias girl on November 5, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    tina i feel supportive. it is Your message, my love. brought by your messengers just for you. i couldn’t know what it is for you. but i bet it is a good one.

    paula, i feel very excited for you!

    nikita also, public libraries often hold storytelling for children and reading to them.



  72.  #72Daria on November 5, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Tina I feel you on the guilt but FUCK THAT. I feel angry and I don’t care if the moose fell on top of a lonely old lady he SHOULD BE ON HIS KNEES RIGHT NOW!!!

    welll i dono about the should part but basically

    I don’t want to be feeling bad

    did he call you like he was desperately trying to get to his princess in the tower well no not yet

    and the princess feels pist. well I as imagining myself as the princess feel PIST and NOT SAFE, I feel guilty feeling this way and impressed by your moose hunting and also I feel BAD

    raurgh. Maybe the other prince actually saved the old lady from the moose AND called and showed up with tattered moose clothes in the rain at the bottom of the tower begging and serenading the princess to let him in while offering her the moose antler trophy and expressing how he cannot live one moment without her and was thinking of her the whole time and cannot wait to have her in his arms

    I feel sure that this prince would dispatch the late moose man through a curt online message like She’s mine sucker.

    Theres lots of suitors for the princess and its THE BEST ONE that she gets.



  73.  #73Tina on November 5, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Alias girl thank you. I do feel its my feelings yup uh huh. The “Great hunter” does get to save the village from near starvation, leaving his princess with hurt feelings. Daria lol, The princess (me) is on the sideline while the whole village sings his praises, oh what a great masculine hunter, oh he could have his pick of all the women in the village, who the hell am I with my hurt princess feelings? The rest of the village looks at the Princess in disbelief , how could you be so? he just saved us from near starvation, you foolish woman! She walks away with feelings of guilt and shame. The End.



  74.  #74Daria on November 5, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    Then out of the surrounding country side, a wild strange warrior rides up. He pulls his horse before the princess, jumps down on one knee, bowing to her. He lifts her on his saddle, rides through majestically scowling at the villagers. You have overlooked your greatest treasure he says. what is a moose compared to a WOMAN!

    and he then rides off with the princess to his own land, where there are wild moose to be hunted and the first offering always goes to the Goddess! for that is what hunting moose is for…

    the second end



  75.  #75Mary Ann on November 5, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    Daria, you’re awesome 🙂



  76.  #76Tina on November 5, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    I love love love your ending Daria, um just one small edit, she rides on her own horse along side the big majectice manly man warrior 🙂 yeah love your story 🙂



  77.  #77Tina on November 5, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    I like your storytelling skilz, the one with the pic you drew was awesome, I want to be in a romance novel 🙂



  78.  #78alias girl on November 5, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    DARIA!!! i feel jumping up and down and a melted, happy heart! thank you!!

    “what is a moose compared to a WOMAN! ” 🙂



  79.  #79Simply Shannon on November 5, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    Daria: I am in awe. I want you to re-write my story, my life with a second ending! Dear gosh, that felt amazing to read. Thank you Daria!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Tina: I do the same thing you do. Feel guilty for my bad feelings or downplaying what I’m feeling. I agree with AG on this one. If he appreciated my time and me, he would have called as soon as he got a cell signal. Don’t downplay your feelings. I would feel exactly the same. I’d feel pissed, annoyed. I might have been understanding if he put effort to comfort me but the ignoring his obiligation (our plans), that would have me feeling insignificant and unimportant.



  80.  #80Flipper on November 5, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    Hehehehehe I feel giggly with the moose princess stories!

    Tina – that’s the old way. Now that women are recognized as and allowed to be people, Daria tells it like it is the New way. And when people don’t ‘get it’, women stop making new people.

    Félicitations, Paula. I moved to Europe a long time ago and never looked back – this is the place for me, even tho’ it hasn’t always been easy. Remember this one thing – a tip I got from successful expats/transplants: if you can make it past the 3-mo. mark, things will almost always work out. (Very often, one goes from total euphoria in the beginning to utter despair and resistance in those first 3 mos. , then little by little the light reappears, things fall into place.)

    “Je sens…. Je me sens….” I’m still struggling with how to say feeling messages in French, and I’m pretty bilingual. French is actually a great language for expressing emotions – I get that from literature etc. – but it’s not my mother tongue so I’m lacking a lot of the familiar language of intimate relations. But that’s probably my own hang-up – sort of a pretext when I can’t find the feeling in any language! A friend, who was still a beginner as far as language skills went, got all the emotional expression and connection to her man Rori promises despite ungrammatical usage and limited vocabulary, because she knew her own feelings and made the effort to put them out there, ‘coûte que coûte’. Bises.



  81.  #81Tina on November 5, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    fck mooseman!



  82.  #82Tina on November 5, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    His way would have been he gets to princess to sleep and kept him warm (sex) while he gets to show off his manly man skilz and toss me to the side when all of his needs got met? ew…sucking on my tootie roll*



  83.  #83Flipper on November 5, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    PS Tina – First, allow yourself to Receive the ride on his horse. Once you arrive, you can have your own 3 golden steeds – or pink or purple or whatever you want.



  84.  #84Tina on November 5, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    lol ok Flipper, I was just keeping in with Rori tools yes this is a Romance novel I agree, alright alright lol 🙂



  85.  #85Chaudemaman on November 5, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    A French Teacher I am… lol
    Je me sens is the correct way…
    French is such a lovely language… like a song. It flows so nicely and lyrically, unlike English. I always tell my students that 90% of the time if it sounds right to your ear it probably is right.



  86.  #86Ann on November 5, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    I feel like I’m falling behind in the post. But I’m so thankful I read this post and all the inspiring world of the Godessess here. I’ll just read and post as I can. I love this post.



  87.  #87Daria on November 5, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    Hey thank you Goddesses I feel surprised to find you liking my ending yay.

    I was feeling so sad a little earlier, my mom wanted to talk to me about whats going on in our family ie her and my dad are having relationship issues

    she kept using the word we have to “deal” with it it felt bad to me i said i want to and have been looking at it as a positive that is instead of not addressing things

    she said divorce is a real option now although tey are still trying to reconstruct the marriage and will be going to a marriage counselor

    they fight and are not using feeling messages she knows about Rori but I don’t think she would do it she thinks or has said in the past that she doesnt’ like me being on Rori’s blog because its taking up my time from doing other things like working and trying to make an income and also because i guess im writing all about myself to strangers

    i dont feel comfortable pushing Rori’s stuff on her I gave her the book before but i don’t think she read it, she knows i know a lot of stuff about relationships and stuff but we hardly communicate

    i said i feel sad she said well you always feel sad then i said i feel angry and attacked i left the room

    then i cried came back and i felt attacked some more

    i left and she came to talk to me i told her i used to want to talk to her but i did not feel safe because she wouldnt talk to me she said when i was younger she doesnt think it would be good to complain about her relationship or problems to an adolescent and i should be the one talking to her

    i said i felt unsafe to open up to her because i didnt feel openess

    she said maybe its because you knew i didnt agree with the things you were doing so thats why

    i said maybe.

    i felt attacked

    then she came to my room to talk she talked told me about how she felt rejected by her mom her mom didnt want to give her hugs she had told me this before and how i would feel better if i was supporting myself and independent

    I feel desperate to be independent

    i said well we are all in charge of our lives whether we think so or not

    she said well there are many choices here not like ur father and i when we grew up we just signed up on a list to go to work and we could never move from there, but here you have to really know what you want or else it feels overwhelming with so many choices

    she said maybe i should try something like a desk job making excel spreadsheets maybe i would like it, like something else besides waking up in the afternoon

    i said i like what i picked having my own company and strating tutoring

    she said yes she hopes i will be successful

    i feel so desperate to be independent even though in a way of course i am because i know i have the strenght and endurance to live in a shelter or a car or even move from friend to friend

    i would take a part time job if it showed up and felt good just to have money to pay my bills and debt and i could work on my business after

    but this is not showing up

    i feel scared and desolate thinking of what if my parents divorce i feel mad at the thought that i have been brought to a situation with no family and almost no friends although my godsister texted me in the middle of this what are you up to long time no hear dont you love me no more…

    i just talked to her but it feels hard to talk about myself with her i feel resentment a lil bit toward her although i felt loved to get her text. she said she would call me back but now she hasnt yet

    oh yeah so as i was saying i felt mad that now this world would take even my lil tiny floating ice stable base of parents and rip it

    i was wishing i was never born which is kinda weird but really what was the point right now i am just alone i couldve been alone not being born floating in nothingness

    it seems my mom doesnt really even feel close to me and my dad i feel like he doesnt really love me he is so disappointed and thinkgs i have like tortured him and brought destruction on their happiness

    i dont have men that really are close to me, i dont have close women friends, i dont have children

    so i can just imagine that if my parents were to divorce well i am imagining my dad would have a new gf or soemthing and would just think of me as the daughter from the old marriage that ruined his dreams

    oh that doesnt feel very good to imagine and i really dont want to turn my attention that way but i do want to write it down and out of my head to keep it from growing

    maybe my dad would have other children who knows and would be happy hoping that they would not ruin his dreams. my mom cannot have other children because she had a hysterectomy which i feel worried now about because she seems to be aging fast and what if thats whats bringing about their problems because i heard hysterectomies can take away your sexual feeling and not only that but hormones etc.

    so i couldnt stop her and they said they found a little cancer there after but i think it coulve been cured by herbs and stuff if there even was cancer

    i feel worried to worry and overwork one of my friends from college had to have a hysterectomy too she said because she overworked herself

    i dont want to overwork myself but i stress myself out anyway

    stuff feels pretty hopeless
    and yet i still feel pretty good and full of hope

    im going to email this one EFT lady from portugal that really helped me for free one time i felt really desperate she was in a chat room wiht Wendi Friesen was doing a hypnosis thingy and i asked for help and wendi said who will help her and then she said yes. and she helped me the most of all eft people and she also said she would help me again so i will contact her now this seems like a good time

    i left



  88.  #88alias girl on November 5, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    big hug daria.

    i feel a lot of energy in my temples, esp my left temple. i had to email a woman today and tell her i didn’t feel comortable with the language of a contract she has sent me and i felt worried i would lose my opportunity be “causing problems” by “having and expressing boundaries”. and i sent the email anyway because i can’t go backwards. i just can NOT be that person who knows they are being walked on and will allow it out of some false UNREAL selfpcreated sense of desperation. so i sent the email and a wave of hopeless and despair washed over me. then it disappeared very shortly within minutes. and about a half hour later the woman emiled and said no problem, don’t sign the contract we can discuss it when we meet. 🙂

    i wan to go to my class tonight but i feel so much anxiety. but i am pretty sure by going to the class i will feel much better. probably even Great after.

    i feel intrigued by the dual-languaged sirens speaking the language of romance on the island. 🙂



  89.  #89Daria on November 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    I like “slang” english it feels very flowy hehe plus i can make up words as i go along is flowy made up hehe



  90.  #90Tina on November 5, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    haha, I just talked with another “mighty warrior” he shoots moose with an actual bow and arrow lol with sites on it of course, he asked me if I needed anything, were going out for coffee at this time of night hehe, he is driving through the woods, back woods to come see me lol. its about a 45 minute drive, he is a warrior lawyer and shoots things too weee.



  91.  #91Tina on November 5, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    Alias girl I know that feeling of hopelessness and despair very well.

    Daria, me and my mom are like that too, we dont talk, I see her were laugh about stuff, but to get into “feeling” messages convos no we dont. I was talking to her one day , my grandmother said something to her, I said did it hurt your feelings , she looked at me like I had two heads, yeah she said. She only “goes there” for a few seconds until she realizes she “feels” something then backs off. ah well.



  92.  #92Daria on November 5, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    Tina thanks. IT felt really good that you liked my story wiht the drawing.

    I want to work on myself so i can have lovely relationships with my parents. I want to heal them by being my Goddess aura.

    It kinda seemed to do good when i did the trauma release so I will be doing some of that too coming up I can feel the inspiration coming



  93.  #93Tina on November 5, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    He said anyone can shoot a moose with a gun, their as big as a house lol. Try a bow and arrow , he is going to take me target practicing too 🙂



  94.  #94Daria on November 5, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    Tina this sounds fun i used to feel scared of skinning the animal but now I think i would be able to do it.

    I still feel scared of having to slit the throat of a pig or shooting a cow in the head that doesnt feel too good.

    anyway i live in a city and havent done those things but of course i think about the]m because i “must be ready to” at any moment warrior woman style



  95.  #95Tina on November 5, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    Daria, I feel you would not have a problem hunting and gathering 🙂 if you had to 🙂 I live way in the country so I have to pretty much date what is available to me hehehe. The mighty warrior is coming through the woods, well he wouldnt be coming down the highway, ok so he is taking me on his horse (truck) and Im going to sing him a song, catching a late night karaoke session lol with coffee then back to my princess castle.



  96.  #96Daria on November 5, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Tina thas wassup hehe!

    I feel tight in my lips because im crying and hot tears are on my face. I feel fear and dread again all of a sudden.

    Thinking of my moms hysterectomy is what makes me feel this way, i feel like somehow thats whats behind all this and it feels like theres no getback.

    I want to get EFT help I emailed the lady so maybe I will have that help.

    I was feeling good and then this LIl boosie song Take the pain away came on when i clicked on it and he was saying God will take that pain away and all I have to do is pray so i cried and listened to it a few times.

    now i will listen to something else. I feel tingly in my lips i feel pulled down through my back feels tired..



  97.  #97Daria on November 5, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    I feel afraid to hope for happiness because I feel worrie di’m gonna cling to it too hard like clinging to that rock when i was 4 and i thought i would fall into the water and it felt so fuckin scary and I dont wnat to cling I FEEL SO DESPERATELY SAD and my upper lip feels tight these pained faces im making omgosh I FEEL THIS FEELING I DONO WAT IT IS GRIEF SAD DESPERATE WHAT IS THIS FEELING OF PAIN, its not pain in my chest ITS UNDER MY RIGHT ARM TIGHTNESS AND FACE TIGHTENSS AND MOUTH OPEN AND HEAD TURN UP TO SKY AND CLOSED EYES AND HOT TEARS

    ITS LIKE THE NOOOO feeeling NOOO AWAAWWWAWWWW

    I FEEL IT



  98.  #98Tina on November 5, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    Daria, awe, you sometimes I have to stop fighting everyone and every thing, and pray, its the ultimate vulerability, no man, no one just me and god oh and Rori raye 🙂 very spiritual, for sure. Your doing a great job showing compassion for yourself and showing your love 🙂



  99.  #99Mary Ann on November 5, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    oh Daria..hugs…I know its your stuff too because this is your family..but its their stuff and they need to deal with it.
    Today I spent feeling sad for others. Sad for “him” as per my earlier post and now sad for my friend who’s BF is probably cheating on her.
    It’s not the same I know. Just big hugs to you…



  100.  #100Tina on November 5, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Daria, thank you for rewriting my ending 🙂



  101.  #101Tina on November 5, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    he should be here shortly , an hour through the backwoods lol. not my “forever” but whatever.hehehe



  102.  #102Tina on November 5, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    I know who his family is, we met before, I dont remember meeting him, he does though. He said he heard me sing one night last summer. hehe



  103.  #103Mary Ann on November 5, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    have fun Tina!

    I have a date with the inside of my eyelids lol!

    nite sirens 🙂



  104.  #104alias girl on November 5, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    i feel surprised. i kept putting off talking to this online guy. i felt not really excited to have yet one more first conversation with a complete stranger. finally we actually get to talking on the phone and i Really Enjoyed him. i feel very surprised and pleased. the only reason i followed through is becasue i am committed to this circular dating thing. anyway it’s nice to come across someone that actually sparks a little something in me. not a lot but that’s probably for the best. he wants to take me bowling instead of skydiving because neither one of us likes heights. 🙂



  105.  #105nikita on November 5, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    je me sens………..curious ….. 🙂



  106.  #106gina on November 5, 2009 at 11:49 pm

    talkin to a couple of online guys that I actually like!!
    got a text from johnny that said “i feel I’m slowly losing my sanity without an adequate outlet for my productive energies.” Awww! I feel so bad for him! I thought about saying “you can work em out on me 😉 ” but i didn’t. I said “Johnny, I’m sorry. This won’t last forever.” I wanna help him. when he was sick, I wanted to go make soup for him. I wanna make him feel better. Am I really doing the right thing by just hangin, doin nuthin?



  107.  #107gina on November 5, 2009 at 11:53 pm

    I guess I’m just expressing that I have a desire to help. and I’m resisting. just getting it out of my system by espressing it here.



  108.  #108Tina on November 6, 2009 at 1:31 am

    Our spontanous meeting went good, I felt for the most part good in his presence, I did the unzip my heart tool, I thought he could “sense” something was happening. I sang him a song at karaoke, well they let me sing it was the last song of the night, “help me make it through the night” by sammi smith. he loved it , he clapped and said I was a great singer , I said thank you lol. We had coffee and french onion soup. Oh whats this french thing hehehe oui mean yes hehe. He said Ive been “feeling” your vibe all night and it feels great. At one point he didnt know how to lead, so I just stood there and he kept looking at me unsure what to do , then he sprung into action , was great to see him although he felt unsure about himself. We talked about dating the Rori Raye way , he seemed to be cool with it for now…



  109.  #109Flipper on November 6, 2009 at 8:19 am

    Gina – maybe this is a chance to practice the ‘mmm mmm’, ‘uh huh’, nod your head stuff and figure out how to do that over the phone or thru text without the words running on from a simple ‘bummer’ to overfunctioning advice-giving or mothering. Do you think ‘that must feel tough’, ‘ guess that feels like a hard place right now’ would be okay? What about ‘I feel bad (or sympathetic) when I hear of someone going through these things’ (so that’s not specific to him). Or ‘I can hear some discouragement there, but I still feel your belief in yourself and admire your determination’

    One of the difficulties in French for me is that where in English we usually say ‘I AM afraid’ but it still sounds alright to say ‘I FEEL afraid’, in French you literally say ‘I HAVE fear/hunger/whatever’ (j’ai peur) and it sounds pretty weird to say it with I feel (je me sens apeurée). Don’t wanna waste everyone else’s time with this, but it would feel great if Tinque, Chaudemaman or Soirée, for example, had a place where we could work on this.

    Bises (cheek kisses) <3



  110.  #110tinque on November 6, 2009 at 9:01 am

    flipper – toutoune, tu m’amuses…bisous



  111.  #111nikita on November 6, 2009 at 9:09 am

    j’ai peur ……..sex 🙂



  112.  #112tinque on November 6, 2009 at 9:17 am

    pourquoi?
    xxoo



  113.  #113nikita on November 6, 2009 at 10:57 am

    je me sens………bien 🙂



  114.  #114gina on November 6, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    Flipper – thank you!! I really liked your last suggestion – i sent it to him and I feel good. Thanks!



  115.  #115gina on November 6, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    Oh but the conversation just got interesting. I texted “this is the government’s fault! I feel furious!” and he said “The Fed and the Bankers are moreso responsible thank anyone. Government is the shadow cast upon society by Big Business and the Bankers luv.” and I said “Yes I know and they are hidden plain sight – Government is the Force that the crooks are using against us.” and then I texted “And government is supposed to be the force that WE use against crooks!” And then I texted “I could be enjoying a happy strong You, and instead they’ve created this problem for you and this illusion that you are not a man, which clearly you are!” and he texted “Exactly.*sigh* Thank you for your kind words sweetheart.” phew, I’m glad he sighed – It’s such infuriating truth, that I worried that he’d explode with anger.



  116.  #116Uschi on November 6, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    Chaudemaman,

    I am German, having lived in the US for 32 years now it comes so much easier to express myself in English instead of German. German sounds so harsh compared to it. And yes you are right though I don’t speak French I live to listen to it. It sound so romantic



  117.  #117Uschi on November 6, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    The moose man
    I would not date the moose man
    I can’t stand someone going out and killing beautiful animals like moose, deer or any other beautiful creature. I know at times it is needed but it takes a cruel person to do so and see the animal fall down dead. That would not be a man for me.



  118.  #118gina on November 6, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    Oh that whole conversation was sparked by him saying this:

    “I’m just so frustrated with the lack of response from employers. I’ve heard of no one getting hired in the area, only layoffs.”

    grrrrr.



  119.  #119Daria on November 6, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Flipper…

    In Romanian its the same, we say I have hunger, etc

    I say:

    I feel that I have hunger, cold, etc!

    feels comfy to say now



  120.  #120Daria on November 6, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Je sens que j’ai faim.



  121.  #121Mary on November 6, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Wow, Rori. Jeffrey Levine looks divine! I’m sure you guys are great together! And your little girl (now grown up) is beautiful!

    I’ve been wondering about your husband – who he is – and what he must think about all of this. Now that I read the passage that he wrote, it makes sense that your relationship works. He probably doesn’t feel threatened by you at all, because he’s got his own thing going, and you guys are two peas in a pod.

    Hoping to find my own guy who understands these things and can articulate them. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Your choice of Jeffrey – and his choice of you – gives me hope for myself!

    And that’s what marriages do, don’t they? The good ones? They radiate joy and happiness all around… I think that the best way that you’re helping me to get to my goal is keeping yours! I love it that you included him on your blog.

    BravA!



  122.  #122Daria on November 6, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    I feel defensive of moose hunting ppl.

    I feel angry that hunting moose for a purpose like eating it and using it honorably is being said that a person has to be cruel.

    I feel defensive that maybe instead of cruel that person is brave and strong to be able to do it.

    I feel judgemental that other people would eat the moose or animal but they would not want to possibly traumatize themselves by watching it die, and then they call the person that pretty much made this sacrifice cruel. I feel angry.

    I feel judged and judgemental. I feel like attacking and defending.

    I feel shaky and tight.



  123.  #123Uschi on November 6, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Flipper,
    it takes a long time to really be comfortable with another language. Yet when you learn it your own language makes more sense to you too.
    To express yourself with feeling messages in another language you can not just learn to speak it – you need to feel it, you can’t think it in your mother language and then translate it making sure it is properly set in the sentence and all that. It loses in translation just like it happens with jokes. You need to live and breathe that language it has to come from deep within you and that happens if it happens at all after many years of living in that country. I know I have lived it and I am still living it. I nowadays automatically just speak English without even having to think about it. I even dream in English. Also, having so few occasions to speak German it took me a while to get back into it and I used a German language chat in AOL – but I only go there occasionally now because the people in there are so —————–
    ya gotta use it or ya loose it
    to translate from one language to another can also bring many misunderstandings not only because of mistranslation, misunderstandings but also because or the different cultures and one thing can mean one thing and it means something totally different in another culture – to understand the whole complex thing about language its not just understanding and speaking the other language but also understanding the culture and ways of the people who speak it



  124.  #124Mary on November 6, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Hmmmm… to the facilitator… that comment I just made was for the newest post by Rori… about her husband…



  125.  #125Paula on November 6, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    I love French. I think it’s a beautiful language even though it’s really difficult to speak it correctly – with the correct grammer.

    I feel nervous about trying to express myself in feeling messages in French. I trust that a man will pick up on my ‘vibe’, my body language even if I am not fluent in feeling messages. I talk too much anyway in english! I’ll be quieter in French. Well, maybe not…

    My ex was french and we misunderstood each other a lot. BUT, I think we would have still misunderstood one another even if english was his mother tongue.

    I can say ‘je me sens nerveuse’, ‘je me sens contente’, ‘je me sens excitée’. I’m sure those French guys will get my drift…

    Bonne nuite mes amies



  126.  #126gina on November 6, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    I made a mistake at work today. I noticed that I felt pretty bad about it for a while until just now I remembered to ask “what was the message?” And now I feel tempted to beat myself up for past times that I failed to receive the message, but the point is to just receive the message sooner than later, so as to avoid further self destruction. Okay, so the message is to wake up and be positive and present and alert at work. I showed up “tired”, and the result was that my performance lagged and disrupted my coworkers. This job is valuable – as a hostess, I get to dress up and look pretty and practice connecting with people.
    What’s holding me back?
    The belief that forces in society beyond my control are holding me back.
    The belief that there’s something wrong with me.
    The belief that as I age I will become less attractive.
    The belief that resources are scarce, I need to conserve.



  127.  #127alias girl on November 6, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    so i am at my interview for a reality tv show about people who can’t hold down jobs and i think i am already FIRED before even having the interview. yae!

    “How to Get Fired Before You’re Even in the Door; Tips and Tricks” – a step-by step guided handbook by Alias Girl. (Also does prviate coaching and consultations)

    thank you.



  128.  #128Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    Hey Alias Girl I have some tips for that !

    Tip 1: Talk honestly and openly with your future coworkers, especially how you are worried because your dad said no one will hire you with a DUI.



  129.  #129Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    Tip # 2 : write a creative cover letter to an investment firm, using poetry and words like inspiration, fluidity, beauty, passion… and things of that nature



  130.  #130Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    Tip # 3 : be shy



  131.  #131Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    Tip # 4 : teach EFT as part of your presentation interview to a group of GMAT instructors

    (if done well this may fail to not get u hired… use wisely)

    make sure Tip # 3 is firmly in place



  132.  #132Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    Tip # 5 : be 20 to 25 minutes late



  133.  #133Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Tip # 6 : when interviewing for a temp financial analyst position that may turn permanent, make up a story about how in the short term future you want to own your own tutoring firm



  134.  #134Uschi on November 6, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    Daria
    sorry but one does not need to hunt moose to eat or be a strong person nowadays there is enough cow and pig being raised for that purpose – we do not need to kill deer or moose anymore to survive or show how manly a man can be – there are other things to show that off with -and in my eyes a person that can kill a beautiful majestic animal like this is cruel unless that animal is sick and needs to be put out of its misery – it would be a different story if you must to survive but these days there is no must for this kind of thing. So we have a different opinion on that – well that’s what makes the world go around and interesting.



  135.  #135Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    Bonus: how to not get a raise

    * don’t hold employer to 3 month deadline. wait 7 months and make sure your other coworkers have already demanded their review

    * make sure your review takes place AFTER huge economic crash

    * be 5 minutes late, consistently



  136.  #136gina on November 6, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    I have a tip: “If the employment prospect administers a ‘honesty test’ which includes questions about drug usage, be sure to be honest about your ‘once a month’ pot habit.”



  137.  #137Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Uschi from what I understand this is taking place somewhere in the wild countryside where people do eat moose.

    I feel angry hearing that people should eat “other” meat just because other people think it’s better to. Ie chickens, pigs, cows and other animals many people eat are still killed just like moose and deer would be.

    In fact in many factories these chickens, cows, and pigs live and are killed in what can be considered much more of a cruel way than moose being hunted.



  138.  #138alias girl on November 6, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha daria hahahahahahha

    we can co-author the book and split profits!



  139.  #139gina on November 6, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Also: “If you happen to bump in to said prospect on the street (while jogging, perhaps), seize the opportunity to ask him whether that ‘honesty test’ was for real when it posed questions like whether you would reimburse a vending machine that popped out an extra coke.”



  140.  #140Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    so say I and my family like to eat trout and we fish for trout in the river by our house…

    then someone says oh dont fish for trout you can just buy canned salmon at the store

    umm… no. thank you. i would feel discriminated against and indignant. and angry.



  141.  #141Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Gina that is a GREAT TIP!!!



  142.  #142Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    Alias Girl :

    I am down. it would be fun…

    I feel scared but kinda excited

    ps Gina can be in too if she wants to be…



  143.  #143Rori Raye on November 6, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Thank you, Mary! – this comment of yours meant a lot to me: “I think that the best way that you’re helping me to get to my goal is keeping yours!”



  144.  #144gina on November 6, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Another great tool for self sabotage is the use of profanity.



  145.  #145Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    oops i must revise. In romanian we don’t say I have hunger

    we say

    it is to me hunger

    so i would say

    “I feel that it is to me hunger”

    Simt ca mi-e foame



  146.  #146Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Gina yes! profanity is great!



  147.  #147alias girl on November 6, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    *apply Only for jobs you find gruesomely loathsome.

    *immediately cop a slient resentment for whoever is “in charge” because you are sure they are going to treat you poorly. watch as your expectations manifest.

    *know that you are “better” than this crappy job while simultaneously feeling “less than” because of 26 years of unsuccessful job history. take your “less than feelings ” and exaggerate them in your mind so that you walk into the interview with a defensive shield of disdain mixed with desperation.

    *already feel like quitting because the job doesn’t pay much anyway.

    *talk yourself into a state of utter despair and hopelessness while they have you wait for 45 minutes while they finish up their pizza that got delviered while you were waiting

    *consider say eff this and not waiting anymore and just leaving

    *walk in with that attitude of eff this because you stayed because you feel desperate.



  148.  #148Uschi on November 6, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    Daria,
    I am just giving my opinion on something I PERSONALLY find cruel and unacceptable I KNOW that some hunting needs to be done – I am saying I could not date or be with someone who does it or is even passionate about it. To take the life or anything unless absolutely needed I feel cruel, harsh and takes the kind of person I just don’t want to be around.

    To change the subject

    when you said I have hunger that is how it is said in German – Ich habe Hunger – but then you corrected it in your later post.

    But this is a good example of how things are different in different languages
    if you say in English It is to me hunger you would be asked what is hunger to you because for us here it could be a hunger for a specific thing and not just food.



  149.  #149Daria on November 6, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Uschi –

    I understand what you are saying about hunting although “something is cruel and unacceptable” is a thought not a feeling.

    I feel uncomfortable a little bit saying this but I am practicing speaking my truth and trying to stick to feeling messages as well (have deviated a little) and so it would feel better for me to address this.

    You have a right to your opinion as does anyone and I FEEL JUDGED hearing it and i feel defensive.

    888888

    in romanian also hunger could be for other things well in a slangy way actually it could mean hunger for sex



  150.  #150Daria on November 6, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    okay now i just feel blank and a little insecure. i feel kind of accepting. i feel downturned mouth. i feel lost.



  151.  #151Daria on November 6, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    i love my feelings of lostness and boredom and downturned mouth and that feels like sighing and like mouth corners turning up and i love my sighing and my upturning mouth corners and that feels like a lil hmph laughter and i love my hmph laughter…

    and now i feel tingly and a little angry and i love my tinglyness and my anger and that feels like sighing and relaxing with head to one side and like yawning and i love my ywaning and sighing and relaxing…



  152.  #152gina on November 6, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    actually, blowing an interview is very similar to blowing a first date. The key is to put your very worst self out there.



  153.  #153Flipper on November 6, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Thanks, Daria, for the ‘je me sens que….’. Duh – it’s the kind of obvious thing that you sometimes need someone outside to point out.. Still, there are nuances that are difficult to seize. For example, ‘excitée’ is more likely to be construed as sexual excitation rather than plain vanilla enthousiasm so it’s sometimes delicate to use.

    Uschi, I’ve lived here for ages and do think (and even feel) directly in French for the most part, and I still feel stumped a lot with ‘sentiments’. I almost speak too well with practically no accent, so people don’t always get that I’m not doing it on purpose when things are a little off. As I said though, I feel my biggest problem is feeling the feelings in the first place ; and then daring or remembering to say them, so that’s just me more than a question of vocabulary. MOI, pas ‘seulement’ moi.



  154.  #154Flipper on November 6, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    BTW, ‘excitée’ wouldn’t get anyone backing away in shocked horror, just maybe some knowing smiles or a little kidding. But it’s good to know – you may or may not want to use it in a job interview, (see desired results as above).

    Toutoune to you too, Tinque.



  155.  #155Daria on November 6, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    hehe … flipper in romanian … excitat is most usually sexual hahaha for sure

    Uschi i feel a lot of love for you right now! hugs… i don’t want to push u away… i feel worried and a little guilty and at the same time I feel compelled to speak how i feel



  156.  #156Daria on November 6, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Gina well in my blown interviews i did not put my very worst self (I don’t believe in a worst self really)

    actually i was being kind of open and well it didn’t fit

    so most likely it was for the best

    i feel so good right now after my eft session!



  157.  #157tinque on November 6, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    Qu’est ce que t’en penses de boulverser? C’est mieux, n’est ce pas?
    ou je suis ravie…

    ou sont les accents sur l’ordinateur?



  158.  #158Flipper on November 6, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    Ah, bouleversé – I know it means upset, but it FEELS so much stronger, more like utterly distressed, overwhelmed, so I hesitate to be so dramatique if I’m not feeling absolutely devastated. Peut-être que je coupe les cheveux en quatre.
    (I have an AZERTY keyboard, so the accented letters are on it. You can go through format/special characters or learn some key combinations, I think.)



  159.  #159Uschi on November 6, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    Oh geez I don’ speak french and its all WHAT to me so I will do this und spreche von jetzt an deutsch da koennt ihr euch dann mal was zusammenraten



  160.  #160alias girl on November 6, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    i feel prickly towards all other humans. 🙁

    i feel sad face. 🙁

    i feel scared. 🙁

    i feel alone and i don’t want to be alone. and yet i feel prickly towards all other humans. 🙁



  161.  #161alias girl on November 6, 2009 at 11:43 pm

    i feel better now.

    thank you for my lovely life and warm home and kind friends and a romantic relationship (of my dreams) with a good good man. thank you for prosperity, health, fun. travel, happy surprises and fulfilling ways of spending my time and energy and self. thank you.



  162.  #162Flipper on November 7, 2009 at 4:48 am

    Aw, Uschi, sorry ’bout that. I wish I spoke German. Can figure out a little Spanish and Italian, and some words from spoken German (English does have a Germanic base, despite being heavy on words of French origin). That’s why I suggested continuing a more detailed French discussion elsewhere.

    But the thing is, like good ol’ John Gray and so many others including Rori have pointed out, communication between men and women is so often like speaking foreign languages to each other. Even body language has its specificities. For example, if I stand head on to a guy, I’ll probably feel like I’m being open, brave (exposed) and up-front (honest), whereas he’s more likely to feel like it’s confrontational, that I want to challenge him somehow. And my words will get tinged with that, no matter how uncombattive they are.

    Aha moment: learning Rori’s stuff is like learning a new language. We are prewired to learn language in general, and then get set with a particular one. The programs, blog, eletter teach another way of being with ourselves and relating to others – through baby steps and practice, just like learning a few new words, then a little grammar, a bit at a time, and practicing so it gets engrained before we get to full mastery. Just as with native speakers is best, so is practice with real men. And voilà, we’ve kept our first language but are now enriched by a second one that works in this new territory called adult relationship.

    To me, it even feels like learning a language, when I feel frustrated, don’t get it or think it’s ridulous, and want to scream ‘Why can’t they just say it like we do !!?’

    But if we just keep jumping into relationships along the patterns we’re already used to, without realizing that what’s happening isn’t necessarily what we’ve learned it means, without recognizing that we’re being given important signs rather than quaint or abusive man-stuff, and that our own actions and words are not being understood as we intend them, our relationships are likely to be very limited. Like someone who goes to live in another country and never learns the language properly: only picks up a bit, learning just enough to survive through experience, but is stuck in pidgeon mode, frustrated and alienated. But for all practical purposes, the people in the new country think they are going around just fine without knowing me in depth or feeling the need to, unaware of how I can enrich them. So it’s up to me, who is aware and knows I want a good relationship, to adapt first, because just surviving, unconnected, is not an option for Me.

    I feel so preachy. It’s cuz I feel so frustrated and exploited when It’s Me who has to change so He can hear me and get the wonderful emotional life that (to me) is plain for all to see and that he is apparently unconscious of wanting. So I want to know Why, why why. But does it really help? Feeling the frustration, then the lostness and anger helps better. Much better. Hot tears in my eyes, weirdness under my belly fat. Much, much better. (No NV’s, go play in the corner – my belly fat’s ok.)



  163.  #163Uschi on November 7, 2009 at 8:40 am

    Flipper
    if you look at English you will notice that you actually speak 12 different languages. Base language for Italian, Spanish German french and a few others is Latin. I don’t remember the whole brake down anymore it used to be in some big Websters dictionary almost like a family tree. But just look at one word – IMPORTANT – you find it in all the languages mentioned above and maybe more, pronounced a bit different and maybe also spelled a bit differently the base is the same then you have BEER in German Bier. There are other words that I can’t think of at the moment but I come across them all the time. Also Dave has pointed out many things to me when it comes to language he learned Latin and had to use it when he was a lawyer. When he was in the Navy he learned some Chinese, Vietnamese and a few words in Japanese.
    The area of Germany where my Grandparents are from have a dialect that is very closely related to what they speak Holland or at least many words of it are and those you will also find in the English language. Like Milch = milk dialect and English.
    Tu nicht so viel Zwiebel and den salat – High German
    Put ned to völl Ölk on de Schlot – dialect (where My grandparents come from
    Mach ned so viel Zwiwwel on de Salat – dialect where I grew up.
    Don’t PUT TOO many onions in the salad – and the word slot you find in English like slaw.
    And there are at least 11 major dialects in Germany and then those vary at times from town to town also. If you take the ppl where my grandparents come from and put them into Bavaria they hardly understand each other unless they speak High German LOL.
    Möchtest Du noch ein Bier? High German
    Do, mogst noch a Bier? Bavarian dialect
    Willste nich noch ein Bierchen? dialect from my family
    Would you like another beer.

    And, I have found that when it comes to feeling messages they flow easier in English than saying them in German – at least to me now. Also, I feel I can express myself better nowadays in English than German and also using slang at times to get the message across – very easy to do in non personal things too like instant messaging etc.

    Guess that is enough about languages. LOL



  164.  #164Chaudemaman on November 7, 2009 at 10:12 am

    Here is a list of keyboard shortcuts for French accents. My students and I find it very useful.

    Keyboard Pal
    Press ALT plus the 3 or 4 digit number.
    Note: Some fonts do not support all of the characters.

    à 133 or 0224 î 140 or 0238
    â 131 or 0226 ï 139 or 0239
    À 0192 Î 0206
    Â 0194 Ï 0207

    ç 135 or 0231 ô 147 or 0244
    Ç 128 or 0199 œ 0156
    Ô 0212
    é 130 or 0233 Œ 0140
    è 138 or 0232
    ê 137 or 0234 ù 151 or 0249
    É 144 or 0201 û 150 or 0251
    È 0200 ü 129 or 0252
    Ê 0202 Ù 0217
    Ë 211 or 0203 Û 0219
    Ü 154 or 0220
    « 174 or 0171
    » 175 or 0187

    Also I had to laugh because “we” teach emotions and “we” use excitee… We must have a lot of true francophones thinking we have a lot of sexually frustrated elementary students… omg!



  165.  #165alias girl on November 7, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    flipper i felt good and encouraged while reading what you last wrote. i feel cheered on. 🙂 thank you.



  166.  #166Flipper on November 7, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    Eh bien, Chaudemaman – they gotta start sometime! (Not to worry – that’s a context where the kids could get away with it.)

    Aw Alias Girl, that feels good to know about that.

    Jawol (sp.?), Uschi.

    Viva becoming fluent in new relationship language, so next time we can avoid winding up at the translator’s (marriage counselor, dating coach).



  167.  #167Uschi on November 7, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    Flipper,
    close actually very close Jawohl only one letter missing but very good for instinctual or feeling your way into it. Takes a lot to get even that close. Some are natural like I am – it came easy to me to learn English when I met my first husband and then coming here and having to speak it – much was intuition too when words were spoken that I never heard before but where they were in a sentence and in what theme or conversation they were used. Many times I kind of knew what the German word should or could be looked it up and viola there it was.



  168.  #168Uschi on November 8, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Rori,

    I don’t quite remember if you recommended Mort Fertel in one of your posts or if I found him some other way. Anyway, someone gave away a box of books and his book happened to be in there and of course I started reading it. I am also subscribed to his emails. Let me give you a few short excerpt from some and then ask you my question

    You want to save your marriage, right? Good; you
    know WHAT you want. The only question left is
    HOW. HOW will you restore your marriage? Everyone
    WANTS to renew their marriage. But very few
    people have a clue how to go about it.

    Let’s be clear about one thing first. It happens
    through ACTIONS. You’ll never be able to blab
    your way out of a situation you behaved yourself
    into. You must act.

    Okay, but what actions?

    Within the next 24 hours, I want you to try a
    Talk Charge and a Touch Charge.

    A Talk Charge is a 60 second positive verbal
    interaction with your spouse about a NON-
    LOGISTICAL matter. It’s a fun or frivolous chat.
    And you do NOT need your spouse’s cooperation. If
    necessary, you talk, they listen. A voice mail
    can even work.

    A Touch Charge is similar, but it uses touch
    instead of talk. A Touch Charge is a loving
    physical gesture with your spouse. It’s not
    foreplay or an advance for love making; it’s just
    a warm touch for the sake of connecting in that
    moment.
    You have some changes you’d like to see in your
    spouse and your marriage, right? And if I were a
    betting man, I’d guess your spouse has some ideas
    too!

    So what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for
    your spouse to make the first move? Are you
    waiting for your spouse to be more open to it?
    Are you waiting to feel love?
    Most people think that the FEELING of love comes
    BEFORE we express love. And in the beginning of a
    relationship, that’s what happens. You fall in
    love and THEN you do acts of love. Your feelings
    inspire your actions.

    But mature love asks more of you. To create a
    strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING
    ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow.

    Once upon a time, when you fell in love, it was
    easy to give to your spouse, and you probably
    enjoyed thinking up new ways to express how you
    felt through your giving. Remember surprising
    your spouse with something you knew they wanted?
    Remember the thoughtful trinket you got?

    WITHIN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your spouse a
    gift. Now here’s the key. It can’t be just any
    gift. Your spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see,
    the most important part of a present is that it
    embodies the presence of the one who gave it to
    you. This is not a matter of money. This takes
    time, thought, and energy.

    Rori,
    his book seems to makes sense in a lot of ways yet I also feel that this giving and the talking and touching is leaning forward while in reality I have done a lot of this stuff he is writing about before I came across your tools I have had more success with the leaning back lately and expressing some feelings, even if it is for now on a small scale and I am still feeling and learning my way into this. As he describes it in his book – it’s like forget the problems for now and concentrate on each other with the touching, taking, giving and taking time together to do things and you can work out the problems later. Basically get back to what you used to do when you first got together.
    I quote from his emails again:
    “Most people think that the FEELING of love comes
    BEFORE we express love. And in the beginning of a
    relationship, that’s what happens. You fall in
    love and THEN you do acts of love. Your feelings
    inspire your actions.

    But mature love asks more of you. To create a
    strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING
    ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow”.

    Right now if I would go out and buy or make him something as a gift to give I’d feel like I would give something to get something and that is not right and would almost be like blackmail and certainly be leaning forward. Hmmmm – and how does that work at Christmas time or birthdays etc. when one is almost obligated to give something?

    What he is writing in his book does makes sense to a certain degree that when you spend time together take care of the relationship – maintain it – it can work out – yet it seems a bit FAKE in my way of thinking or staged.

    What is your take on this?



  169.  #169Flipper on November 9, 2009 at 6:59 am

    Uschi,

    For me, this advice sounds good – FOR A MAN. As you said yourself, ‘doing’ all those things is usually what we have been doing, consciencously, abundantly, to no avail, or only stopped doing because we realized it did no good or ‘almost seemed’ to make things worse (in fact it did – wished I’d believed my ‘illogical’ self). But, those ARE all things I’d like to be on the receiving end for. And though I immensely enjoyed doing/giving those things for him without expecting tit for tat, would even have been annoyed if the ‘return’ felt like a direct payment or a trade, I was hoping for appreciation and connection through those manifestations of my love. Hoping, too, that his unconscious would know about the saying ‘give what you’d like to receive’ and see a template for the kinds of stuff that I would like to receive from him. Well, even without Rori, I know I felt frustration and resentment with this plan.

    I feel that Rori sorta addresses your question indirectly in her latest post about Not Doing (the one after her husband’s piece), which prompted this comment from Tracy :

    “I want to experiment more on receiving and trusting the universe to know HOW it will make thins happen”

    That feels like a good response for us, based on Rori’s approach, to Fertel’s emphasis on HOW.

    I also did not resonate with his “you
    know WHAT you want.” If this was so obvious, why dare I only approach it through baby steps cuz it feels so hazy, undeserved or out of reach? Same with his “The only question left is HOW.” As I still feel swamped with the first question about WHAT, this one just overwhelms me into paralysis. I feel I just want problems to “be taken care of”. His HOW feels like ‘problem solving’ – guys love it so I feel like leaving that job for my knight servant or the Universe.



  170.  #170Uschi on November 9, 2009 at 9:27 am

    Flipper,
    that is what I thought too that this is a book for men and for men only cause everything in there seems leaning forward. Well, it was written by a man LOL – should I wonder. And reading it I kept thinking, well, this is what I have been doing for 8 years but it hasn’t been working – whats wrong with this picture. I have done all the giving, initiating, talking etc and didn’t get anywhere – trying by doing that to show him what I want and need and not getting it. Just today I read Rori’s email about being a pond and I pictured all my love flowing to him as a massive river like the Mississippi – and actually the only two complaints he had was that I am a pack-rat disorganized and don’t have a job (at least at this time) the other thing he said in one of our “discussions” is that he feels I am emotionally dependent on him. Further more that right now he doesn’t feel attracted to me sexually or otherwise and this is what I am trying to turn around.
    I came across this book before I had Rori’s e-book or was on this blog and reading over a few things again now made me realize it is all leaning forward for a woman and that I have been doing all the things he says to do on my part and not getting anywhere with it. Yet when I started Rori’s tools I was getting some results, however small they are for now and with all them little baby steps I am taking and still having to learn them and wrap my mind around it. I got further within a month than doing what he writes in his book in about 6 month.

    There are some good things in it like questions about the relationship like tests on how well you know your partner etc and I must say I was unable to answer quite a few of them. I also answered the questions like if he was answering them (I know him well enough for that) and sure enough he is coming up short too. I realize of course that I might be wrong on some of them and he could actually surprise me with the way he would answer them.
    I have stepped away from this book since Rori, yet thought about it and the only solution for me was to ask because I did feel this was for a man.
    Now, since this seems to be a book written by a man for men it might be a very good idea for him to read this. I believe it would open his mind at least to some extend. Also because I got the feeling from the discussions we have had that he is upset and sad about things going wrong. Now the question is; how can I get him to read it? – without actually handing it to him (leaning forward) and asking him to take it into consideration. I feel that it would help me tremendously in using Rori’s tools because it would be easier for me to just be and express and I believe it would be easier for him to lean forward and do what he is supposed to do. After all we have been together for over 8 years and he is deep down a damn good man, the best I have come across yet. Even with our problems now I can feel and see in his actions that he still cares.



  171.  #171Mercedes on November 9, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    Uschi: I just commented on something like this on the newest post, but I’ll comment in relation to this book too. I think that sometimes, initiating and leaning forward can be very sexy depending on the couple. My guy LOVES it when I initiate (see one example on that newest post) and I do it quite a bit. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be ME. I think for those who have had problems with overfunctioning, it’s not good to lean forward at all, but for some of us, it’s not OVERfunctioning…it’s just who we are. I love to take charge sometimes and my guy loves that about me.

    Another example is that I’ll leave love notes in the kitchen when I want him to remember that he used to do it for me and I loved it. Rather than tell him how much I miss the notes and potentially “pressure” him into doing it when it was my idea, I’ll leave one for him. He always comments on the bottom of it and he generally starts leaving them again. I take initiative and it inspires (rather than pressures) him to do the things I love. If I want to have dinner with him at a nice restaurant, rather than hint or try other ways to get him to ask me…I’ll make reservations after making sure he’s free. If I want to go to a concert…I’ll buy tickets and invite him. He LOVES this stuff.

    So…in my opinion…sometimes it is good to initiate as long as you are being true to what feels good to you and as long as you are with a man who appreciates and loves you for it.

    If it were me…I’d leave the book out and see if he picked it up and asked about it (excellent opportunity to tell him you’re reading it because you’re feeling disconnected from him and you’re hoping you can change any behaviors you might have to make things better for the two of you) or I’d read it in front of him and talk to him about something I just read that sounds like things that hit home in my relationship. I wouldn’t hide it from him. You might even (depending on how you think your guy would take it) say something like “This book has some pretty good ideas in it for relationships. Would you be interested in reading it and talking with me about it? I think it could help bring us closer.” Sometimes, just letting our men know we are doing what we can to make our relationships stronger will inspire them to work with us to make it stronger as well.

    Hope that makes sense.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  172.  #172Mercedes on November 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    Oh and Uschi…when you said this:

    “and actually the only two complaints he had was that I am a pack-rat disorganized and don’t have a job (at least at this time) the other thing he said in one of our “discussions” is that he feels I am emotionally dependent on him. Further more that right now he doesn’t feel attracted to me sexually or otherwise and this is what I am trying to turn around.”

    It really hit home with me because I think I know the key to turning it around…and it has EVERYTHING to do with leaning back and taking responsibility for your own happiness. I went though this with J when I first moved to his town…he felt responsibilitly for my happiness and that’s a LOT of pressure on a man.

    When you lean back and circular date (meaning date yourself…go out looking AMAZING by yourself, make eye contact and smile at other men…meet people and do things that make you smile), your entire vibe will change. He will not feel you are emotionally dependent on him because he’ll see your emotions are very much under control with or without him and you are HAPPY!! When your vibe changes, you will be sexy (because you’ll FEEL sexy) and when that happens, he will either become more sexually attracted to you, or you’ll meet someone who IS and you won’t WANT him to want you anymore.

    It works every time…change your vibe, take responsibility for your own happiness and men will love you for that special glow you carry with you all the time.

    Hope that makes sense too..lol

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  173.  #173Flipper on November 9, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Uschi, I’m feeling triggered about wanting to get him to read the book. Of course, I’d want him to learn all that stuff in there, too, but I feel wary of ‘getting’ him to do anything. I don’t feel that any of what you imagined will “work” – it didn’t for me, the times I tried it just the ways you suggested. One guy just never said anything, wouldn’t acknowledge either the book or me mentioning it; he never got ‘curious’ about another book lying around. Another said, ‘oh how thoughtful’ and never got past page 2. I made it ‘easy’ with underlined passages, but he didn’t read those either. To add insult to injury, I never got it back.

    It really has to come totally from the guy, but from what I’ve heard very few will go the route of reading a book(online advice and men’s groups seem to appeal more to them). In one long-term relationship, it was actually the man who bought a book, for us, all on his own. Unfortunately, neither he nor I ever understood much of anything in it. Ok, so wrong book, big deal (we tried, then I let him know I was mystified, he admitted he was too, but I was careful not to put him down or badmouth the book). It’s the same man who refused my book later.

    I just feel so frustrated: all these fabulous books, by successful experts, full of HOW TO SOLVE (relationship) PROBLEMS, using sports analogies and clever, flattering, manly approaches to teach men what they ultimately need to learn – just sitting there, unread. Guess i’ll just have to woman up and inspire him to figure it out on his own, through me.



  174.  #174Uschi on November 9, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    Flipper been thinking along the same lines too. Even had a friend offer me to give it to him s if it was from him cause he knows we are having problems but I am thinking about that – if its from me it’s leaning forward – not sure how he would feel if a mutual friend would give it to him. Just not sure about this book thing either