Love Forever Live Today at 11am PDT!

Untitled design (14)

rori lace1In just a few hours – get your personal questions answered by me, live, in the newest Love Forever teleseminar!

***If you have a personal relationship question or situation you’d like me to address, just sign up for “Love Forever” anytime before the class TODAY, Wednesday, August 20th, 11am PDT/2pm EST/7pm Europe – and you’ll get instant access to the Love Forever program (over 25 hours of recorded classes), and you can write to me today during the class from the Love Forever Teleclass webpage. I’ll answer you right then and there!

(Love Forever is an advanced program, where I work with you on deeper levels of using the Tools you may already have from my programs, and give you completely NEW ones.)

In addition to answering your personal questions, I’ll be talking about how to TALK to a man, and how to UNWIND any patterns that have developed between you and a man you’re with (or seem to always come up with men you date) – so the class is called: “Get Unwound!”

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Femininewoman on August 21, 2014 at 6:49 am

    How to unwind patterns is what I am most interested in.

  2.  #2April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 8:37 am


    Oops, Rori,

    Your Loveforever article just came up saying that the call is tonight….????

    By the way, the call was FANTASTIC. I took in a much deeper layer of your teaching into my being.

    I realise I was doing feeling messages not from that ‘valley’ place but from a kind of manipulation. No wonder my man withdrew!!!

  3.  #3April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 8:43 am

    The Love Forever tele class (which was yesterday) was a special one for me.

    I realise I have been delivering feeling messages all wrong. And driving the man away!!!!

    Ha haa. It feels liberating.

  4.  #4Femininewoman on August 21, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Do you mind sharing what you were “delivering” wrong April Rose?

  5.  #5Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 9:23 am

    April Rose,,,,
    Ohhh… shoot… I didn’t realize there is a “wrong way” to deliver FM…
    What is that “wrong way?”

  6.  #6April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 9:51 am

    Yes, Femininewoman and Azure Blu,

    I hope I can convey the realisation I have had.

    Rori showed us the difference by speaking feeling messages in different tones of voice. She delivered them in a feminine way and in a masculine way. The difference was subtle and tangible.

    She also spoke about saying
    “I’m feeling cold” vs
    “I’m feeling cold. Will you please close the window?”.

    As in directing men by letting them know what you want. No hidden agenda.

    Often my feeling messages had a hidden unsaid agenda e.g “It would feel so good to have a long cuddle” and then when no cuddle was forthcoming I would judge WM as being unmasculine, ungiving.

    My use of feeling messages has kept me in a judgemental place. I have continued to make him wrong (silently, in my mind). And then wondered why he withdrew more and more.

  7.  #7April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 9:54 am

    I was focussed on outcomes, rather than simply expressing myself.

  8.  #8Ignis on August 21, 2014 at 9:59 am

    @April Rose

    Oh I was thinking why I could not communicate what i really wanted, and you just got me on a right path πŸ™‚ Hidden agenda, this one I had a lot of lately.

  9.  #9Ignis on August 21, 2014 at 10:10 am

    I am sitting on a sofa with both cat and dog around and trying to process what happened last days. And I feel so discouraged to continue the work, because when I finally broke and looked at myself, I see the list of tweaks I want to do, is like way to long. I feel impatient. I feel like this will take years and what is new, I feel desperation, not for a man or an outcome but for myself. I feel desperation for saving myself.

  10.  #10Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 10:12 am

    April Rose #5&6
    thank you for sharing these profound subleties

    Yes, Yes, Yes, letting go of outcome…
    ME being sooo intent on ME and what I need to learn
    and share…
    I don’t worry about what HE does or says…
    cause it’s for ME that I use FM…

  11.  #11April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 10:14 am


    Sweetie, you need no tweaks. You are just right.
    Rori said to breathe down into that deep place in yourself, where the feelings are, where your sweetness is, and practice getting words out of your mouth that express from that place.

  12.  #12Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 10:16 am

    for me it would be a gentle reminder
    to LOVE your desperation
    LOVE YOUr impatience
    wrap your everloving arms around
    I feel you are needing compassion…
    I am sending you soft, warm breezy

  13.  #13Femininewoman on August 21, 2014 at 10:39 am

    Thanks April Rose. I have a tendency at times to express FMs as if I am speaking to myself.

  14.  #14April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 11:02 am

    When Rori was speaking in feminine tones her voice was softer and came from ‘further back’. Yes, that’s it – you could even hear the leaning back in the voice tone.

  15.  #15April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 11:05 am


    Sure sounds like you were circular dating – being open and connecting with people. And having fun doing it!
    What did you discover about yourself in the interaction?

  16.  #16Indigo on August 21, 2014 at 11:21 am

    April Rose,

    Whooo! Hidden agendas are BIG.

    I did not even know I had them until I started listening to what the voices in my head were saying. I noticed that they actually had voices that seemed to belong to particular people… it was not the voice of my deepdown, soft, gentle, feminine soul, the one I wanted to listen to…

    Sometimes I think delivering a lovely feeling message is as simple as turning the volume down on those nasty voices…

  17.  #17Indigo on August 21, 2014 at 11:24 am

    I also find that gently looking into the man’s eyes helps me deliver a good feeling message. If I look into his eyes and tilt my head slightly back and to the side…

  18.  #18Ignis on August 21, 2014 at 11:31 am

    @April Rose
    @Azure Blu

    Thank you ladies! I yet again started to cry reading your comments. I do not really know how to like myself yet. I like some small parts of me and I remember how I used to be, fearless and decided, and now I cannot really stick with myself. I find that body dialogues are helping me a lot, when I say to myself I hear you and I will not abandon you and thank each body part for the feelings it gives me. But how one does really give self the compassion? I just do not feel any from myself, even if I do things for myself.

  19.  #19Femininewoman on August 21, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    MarikaB what I got from your post is a reminder of how men are in the moment and tend to be looking for their “one”. He likely deduced from the size of your bread that you are single without you saying anything. He used the bread to create a conversation and connect. A real reminder to get out of my head and pay attention to what is in front of me.

  20.  #20Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Ignis #19
    This, my sweet siren, is YOU, giving YOU, compassion…

    “I find that body dialogues are helping me a lot, when I say to myself I hear you and I will not abandon you and thank each body part for the feelings it gives me.”

  21.  #21Helena Hart on August 21, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    April Rose – 6 – I LOVE how you so brilliantly put this!! I know many people can relate, so many women come to me wondering why their feeling messages “aren’t working” with men and this is the very reason – using feeling message to subtly push your agenda, make a man wrong, or get him to “obey” you will only push him away.

    I was doing this myself before I learned how to express my feelings in a way that brings a man CLOSER and makes him feel safe. Brava to you!! πŸ™‚

    Love, Helena

  22.  #22Daria on August 21, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    on day soon i’ll be signed up yay

  23.  #23Daria on August 21, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    April Rose – heyyyy so Rori said to use this?

    “I’m feeling cold. Will you please close the window?”

  24.  #24Linda on August 21, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    I can certainly deliver a feeling message with no agenda but it usually when I am just “done” with something and I simply don’t care anymore. When I get to that place then it usually means that my heart is closed up too though.

    I dont have a “deep down, soft, gentle, feminine soul” My femininity is all swirled with logic and reason. If I tried to describe what it feels like to me it would be more like a swirled marbled cake or ice cream. This is how I am knit together.

  25.  #25Helena Hart on August 21, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    Linda – 25 – The way you express your feelings here is so beautiful, see if you can absolutely fall in love with that “swirled marbled cake and ice cream” part of you.

    Love, Helena

  26.  #26April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 3:24 pm


    Rori said you can be more directive with younger, more inexperienced men, for example “Touch me there! It feels sooo good when you touch me there.”
    She said it can really help them to know what you want. (So they can please you). As long as it is said in a leaned-back soft tone of voice.

  27.  #27Sophie on August 21, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    When I was going for a bus today an old lady asked me to help her home cos she wasn’t steady on her feet. So I did but the minute I let her go she lost her balance and ended up in the road with a bust leg and a head cut that was pouring blood. So I had to stem the bleeding and call the ambulance. Other people came and helped which felt like a huge relief I felt quite shocked and a bit panicky. But I also felt so open in my heart. There’s something about moment’s like that where you have to care for another person, be deeply present and connected that feels liberating.It feels like a heart expanding. I often feel like that with children too – maybe its love? Just a genuine feeling of love for other human beings. Without conditions.

    I felt sad for her because she was old and didn’t have anyone caring for her but I also felt deeply respectful. She was so accepting of the situation. Happily answering questions and showing no distress, though she must have been in pain and shock. I also enjoyed her old school dignity. She gave me her name as being ‘Miss so and so’ rather than her first name. I felt touched by her.

  28.  #28Sophie on August 21, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    25 – my femininity is all mixed up with caring and caregiving

  29.  #29Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    “a genuine LOVE for humans
    with NO Agenda.”
    Sooo inspiring

  30.  #30Sophie on August 21, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    yes πŸ™‚ do you get me Azure Blu? ha ha when you heart just expands at the love of humans?

    Maybe that’s what I need to cultivate more and more of just in daily, average life type situations and then with men…I guess this is exactly it – shut down heart a lot of the time going around doing things and then sometimes when it opens you really feel its opened cos its not opened all the time … hmmmm

  31.  #31Andrea on August 21, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Before I even read any posts.. I feel SO GRATEFUL!! to be back on here. I have missed the blog and missed you ladies so much. xoxoxoxox Azure Blu xoxoxoxxo oh I’d forgotten how wonderful it feels to be connected with you!!!

  32.  #32Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Holly Crap!!!
    I just had a MOST amazing Siren conversation with Spirit…
    He had asked me out for today…
    It was 6:00pm and I had not heard from him…

    I was having anxiety… But because of alll your
    feminine input for ALLLL different issues today…
    I realized NO MATTER WHAT
    I WILL BE OK!!!
    So i textd him and said
    Did you change your plans for tonight?

    He called me back right away… but I didn’t see it
    until half hour later cause I was working…

    He was wanting to go for dinner and He’ll pick me up at 7:30pm give him a call to confirm…

    I called and said the Tigers lost…
    We were sad… how my day went how his day went
    and then I said
    Me:It would work out really well for me if you could tell me a time when we’re going out so then I can plan my day…
    Him: Ohhh… i’m sorry… I can text… No I can call…
    texting doesn’t always work so well… in the future to confirm our date and time…
    Me: I love the way you keep me close with your texts and pictures… they really make me feel close…
    but sometimes after too many texts my mind goes blank…
    Him: Yes, i know what you mean!!
    and then we proceeded to work on seeing each other tonight AND tomorrow!!!
    Him: if you’re not too busy we could still go out tonight for a bite to eat…
    Me: I would love to do that… as I had planned on seeing you…

    and we are going to see a movie tomorrow night!!!

    AHHHHH!!! I was soooo authentic and vulnerable…
    although I wish I would have said.. I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight…

    I have virtually taken down Another BRICK IN MY WALL
    and it feels FAN F**King TASTIC!!!

  33.  #33Sophie on August 21, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    woooo hooo Azure Blu!!!! I feel so happy for you with your achievements!!! Yes! Go you! I hope you have a wonderful feeling time πŸ™‚ xxx

  34.  #34Daria on August 21, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    April Rose – thank you!

    what about in a non sexual situation, such as the window example

  35.  #35cristina on August 21, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    I need help sirens and Rori.
    8 months ago I met the man who I had imagined I would want.
    I described what he would be exactly: kind, giving, romantic, outgoing, smart, friendly, good to me, and totally in love with me.
    All that is there.
    He is everything I asked for.
    In the beginning I dated him and i was not sure, because prior to him I had only dated men who were not a good fit for me, I was used to being obsessed and receiving nothing from men.

    Time went by I felt he won me over by being so nice so good to me we became boyfriend and girlfriend.
    I was happy in the beginning.
    We moved in together because i needed the help.
    We are still young both 23 and i am in college and he has been working since he was 16.
    Maybe a month into our relationship he told me he was in love.
    Hes a good guy and i appreciate him so much.
    But sometimes I feel suffocated by so much affection.
    Im scared i am hurting him because i dont if its love i feel for him.
    I have never known love before so i dont know if this is it.
    I don’t pin after this man, I feel secure with him, i speak from my heart most of the time, and he’s opened to communication and improving our relationship.
    I feel im the bad one for not being able to give love to him whether that be a hug or those three words.
    Im confused and lost.
    Im anxious and resteless

  36.  #36April Rose on August 21, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    I’ll have to listen to the recording again, Daria.
    What I do remember is the context. And that it is manipulative to say “Oh, I feel so cold” or “Ew, this trash feels so icky” if you are expecting an outcome (i.e. that the feeling message will be a big enough hint to get him to take the action you require).

    Far better to say “The trash feels icky. Could you take it out?” or else take it out yourself and then say “I don’t want to take the trash out. Can we work something out for next time?” and move toward negotiation.

    It was about not having unsaid expectations.

    Does that make it clearer, or am I still missing something?
    I’ll listen again to the recording (probably tomorrow) and give more detail if you need it.

  37.  #37Beloved on August 21, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    I’m feeling waves of fear. Feeling so much tension.
    Deep, primal fear, the kind of fear that makes me want to get on my hands and knees and pant like a dog.

    This really does feel like giving birth. The NV’s rise and fall…what are you DOING? Are you CRAZY? Who do you think you ARE? You will never be one of ‘those’ people, one of the big-time people, why bother? Why would you leave your cozy, comfortable job? You would have INSURANCE there! Don’t do it! Just relent and take the safe, comfortable route Why are you being so mean to yourself? Why would you do this when you could have a nice, safe, comfortable life? Are you INSANE?

    And of course, the added bonus of…”well, remember that time I felt exactly like this and felt so sure of your choices and that it would be okay and your BABY DIED????

    This isn’t that. This isn’t that. This isn’t anything like that time. This. Isn’t. That. And I get, that anytime I feel scared and uncertain, this will probably come up. I may actually never be able to forgive myself for that, and that’s okay. I love me anyway. I can live with myself anyway, and love even the unforgiveness in me.

    Now I’m crying, tears pouring…more thoughts…”keep your head down” “play it safe” “KNOW YOUR PLACE”

    I imagine, those thoughts and beliefs and feelings have been under the surface, unconscious, and driving every ‘crisis’ that has come up in the past when I would try to go to school. I feel grateful I can sink into the feelings, breathe, cry, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    My financial aid ‘seems’ to have hit a temporary snag – the voices rise up. Give up. You’ll never be able to break free or do any better for yourself than you’re doing, you should just accept it.

    My passion and excitement for the path I chose feels all dried up inside of me. I sink into that, too.

    I lie back, sink into those feelings, and burst into a fresh round of tears as I realize I really am re-birthing myself. Sinking into every rush, being with myself, being so so gentle and patient with the process. A memory flashes back to yesterday when I pulled an oracle card – rebirth.

    Feeling softer now. Focus back on …get some water, taking care of myself, gentle gentle, so sweet, so much love for myself. Hugs and hugs to me.

  38.  #38Kyla on August 21, 2014 at 5:19 pm

    Hi Andrea!! So nice to check in and see you here πŸ™‚

  39.  #39Oshun on August 21, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    So M sends me an invite to his event and I’m confused. I told him I don’t know if I can make it and he seemed sincerely disappointed. What?! I’m lost! I knew he was planning this but …idk. Now he’s asking how my mother is since she’s in town and how things are with an event I have going on with my family next weekend. Huh? He’s not calling. He’s not texting but he’s disappointed. What in the world?! A part of me wants to go to show support but another part is like you can’t take a couple of hours out of a day and plan something why should I go?!?! I am truly baffled. What in the world is going on? Is he expecting me to carry the weight of communicating since I have family in town? I am confused.

  40.  #40Liquid Light on August 21, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    Andrea, welcome back! Its so nice to see you back here!

    I’ve got a question for you, ladies. I don’t know of anyone remembers but Architect had invited me over for dinner at his home. I didn’t feel comfortable with that yet (we’ve only been out twice) and I pretty much stated that to him and that I’d love to see him. I suggested a hike or something else and he said he understood and that a hike sounded good. But I haven’t heard back from him (and that was over a week ago). I was expecting to hear back from him early this week finalizing plans for us to get together on Saturday but nothing yet. I’m wondering if he really just wanted something physical and now since I turned him down on his invite to come to his place, he’s not interested??? Any thoughts?

  41.  #41Oshun on August 21, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    -Liquid Light

    It could be possible that he wanted to accelerate something physical. Keep your thoughts positive. He could be waiting to see if you’ll reach out and take him up on his offer to go to his place by not calling. Stay positive and if he doesn’t call…you dodged a bullet. :o)

  42.  #42prplpsn28 on August 21, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    I’m just starting with RR complete collection. I guess I’m starting with Modern Siren and Targeting Mr Right. Which program talks about feeling msgs? Cuz I don’t really understand them. I bought the complete collection a year ago and started but never finished. Hmm…maybe that’s why my relationship with H went south.

    I have waves of being sad and teary, angry, devastated. Still not eating much. Keeping busy with my kids but H won’t leave my mind. I have resorted to taking meds for depression. I feel about an inch tall admitting that but I’m hoping it helps. I can’t take this feeling anymore.

  43.  #43Femininewoman on August 21, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    Oshun too much ruminating. How do you know he is disappointed? Even if he is good. Let him deal with it. I got a similar invite from a CD I have not heard from in months. I was at a party on Sunday and noticed that the invite came through several hours earlier. In the past such events turned out to be a mass invite to several friends that I might get a special follow up on when I don’t respond. This one did not include my. When I checked in with myself and looked at the pattern in the past I would respond with a thanks and show up. I would be at the event feeling attention starved, needy and plain angry. I have even at one point in time seen another woman who was obviously feeling the same way that I was stealing furtive glances at him. That time I hung with some friends and then left without saying anything after about an hour. This time I felt deep down that I am done with casual dating and dealing with those types of feelings with this particular man. I decided to not respond and just continue on with my day.

    I am pretty sure he will contact me again in the future. This time I am sure when I tell him no I will not second guess myself. I know I am done with casual dating and hanging out.

  44.  #44Femininewoman on August 21, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    It did not include my name and felt like a generic forward.

  45.  #45Oshun on August 21, 2014 at 8:24 pm


    Wow… that’s exactly how it felt. Generic. I responded with thanks for the invite and it went from there. I told him I didn’t think I could make it with family coming into town. He could’ve been disappointed or just pretending to be. I told him I’d let him know. Talked to my best friend and decided I’m not going. He’ll be fine regardless as will I. I have plans to lay in the park with family members and listen to DJs spin. That thought alone feels way better than being at that event watching him bounce around and feeling neglected. I’ll pass. This feels like crumbs and I can’t get full from crumbs. I’m not going to look too far into it because there is nothing there. I never pegged M to be that type. Hmmmm…oh, well.

  46.  #46Zia on August 21, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    hi ladies, just checking in πŸ™‚

  47.  #47Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 8:53 pm

    purple #43…
    Ohhh….darlin’ Siren…
    DO NOT feel bad about taking anti depressants!!
    Goood for you!!!
    I have experienced the feeling of going sooo far down…
    I couldn’t get back… the ONLY thing that saved me
    were the anti depressants!!!
    You are brave… reading the RR tools and practicing
    Every RR DVD is VERY helpful… start anywhere…
    They all lead to

  48.  #48Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    45aaaaaaaaaar45555555>>>> my cat :-))
    Andrea Likewise!!!
    You rock!!!

  49.  #49Azure Blu on August 21, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    So Spirit took me out to dinner…
    Lobster, yummy, lovely…
    He was being VERY lean back…
    telling me about ladies that were coming in from Vagas to see him.. (he did say he had to figure out a way to get out of it) I did say I would feel jealous if he did see her…
    Telling ME about … Men who ask him how he makes contact with ladies sooo easily…
    It seemed to be a lot of leaning back on his part…

    He came by my place… we fooled around a little
    I expressed my worry of him being a flirt when he brought up about things mentioned above…
    He said he knows we’re taking things slow…

    I mentioned to him I have never experienced anything like this before…

    I am feeling confused…
    in between all of the other
    He’s saying lots of everyday stuff..
    Keeping me in the loop of picking out a dog…
    showing me pictures of the dog, him and his daughter choosing a dog… that felt good…

    He’s in my kitchen cleaning up the beer he spilled..
    Ohhh… That felt Sooo good… to have a man (I wanted) in MY kitchen!!!
    I DO Want a forever relationship…
    That’s what I want sooo badly… I felt it when He was in MY kitchen… with me…

  50.  #50Oshun on August 21, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Azure, your post made me smile. I love seeing things working for others. Keeps my spirits up.

  51.  #51Oshun on August 21, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    In the spirit of self-love because I feel Rori’s tools are all about that, I am getting back to doing things I like. Usually when I date somebody I like I lose sight of those things to be available to them. I didn’t do that as much with M but it did it enough to notice. I’m planning on relocating next summer. I’ve been saving but slowed down these past few months. I joined a running group here in my city and will meet them Saturday morning! I have plans to indulge myself at one of the Korean spas here in my city on a regular basis. And there are other things on the list but those are just a few. I’m excited especially about moving. I live in TX and we don’t get enough snow for my liking. When I visualize my romantic life it always involves being snowed in with hot chocolate bringing me hot chocolate. I like this feeling. I’ll CD throughout all of this. I can use all the free therapy I can get!

  52.  #52lovetodance on August 21, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    beloved 37…i feel your journey…and your journey thro…it is labor this re-birthing of our selves…i feel good that you are gentling yourself and taking care of yourself….it sounds very powerful where you have gone and how you are with yourself now…take good care…a big hug to you….

  53.  #53lovetodance on August 21, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    dear azure blu 50
    ahhhhh the sweetness of it and the parts that evoke our longing so deeply
    hmmmm him leaning back….isn’t that our dance move? wish i was farther along in this process to say something useful….
    i am just wondering if this is how he deals with intensity of feelings…if he is feeling alittle frightened himself by it….
    in any case beautiful siren… are doing wonderful soul work here….

  54.  #54Daria on August 21, 2014 at 11:08 pm


  55.  #55Daria on August 21, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    April Rose – right on! thank you I get it now! great cuz the trash example was just what was on my mind…

  56.  #56Daria on August 21, 2014 at 11:11 pm


  57.  #57Indigo on August 21, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    BM said he would like to invite me to a gig tonight – it’s very sweet because it is at a place I said I liked, and I also mentioned that I loved going to music gigs.

    And yet I feel like it’s seeing so much of him. We saw each other on Monday night and Wednesday night, and this is after spending the entire day together on Saturday. AND we have plans for this Saturday night. I feel a little tired. I like his company very much, and appreciate it that he wants to see me so much but I’d relish a night at home – maybe cook dinner, have some wine, watch some TV and drift off into a deep sleep.

    What do you guys think? This is the dilemma of the sensitive introvert – you need to rest, but you don’t want to miss out!

  58.  #58Indigo on August 21, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    Oshun 40,

    This feels like friendship at best. Don’t worry to try and answer those questions, or to ask them… this guy M is at far too much of a distance to be considered a dating prospect. I feel happy to hear you are CDing πŸ™‚

  59.  #59Indigo on August 21, 2014 at 11:44 pm

    Liquid Light 41,

    Try not to jump to assumptions. You don’t really know what his reasons are. Just keep leaning back. If you could make other plans or have other guys to date that would be even better.

  60.  #60Indigo on August 21, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    I also saw D last night, and it was very relaxed. I am learning to take good care of myself in the presence of an introverted, sensitive man.

    He had bought me some chocolate covered toffees, and I must say I’m learning to treasure these small gestures that come as a surprise. It was a relaxed, peaceful evening during which he cared for me – brought me drinks etc. even though he wasn’t feeling well. That is what I would like to do tonight.

  61.  #61Indigo on August 21, 2014 at 11:59 pm

    Azure Blu 50,

    This talk from him about other women coming to see him feels like a bit of a game to me πŸ™‚ I mean, what earthly reason would he have for telling you this unless it is to get a bit of a reaction from you?

    What do you mean by flirting where he is concerned? Is he just a naturally friendly and flirtatious guy, or do you think he’s the type who might do something untoward…

  62.  #62Daria on August 22, 2014 at 1:13 am

    thank you Daria for doing Donna Eden’s 5 min energy routine

    and trying out Scott Sonnon’s joint mobility routine

    I feel glad I practiced fm and saying “I know you are \great\ and \will succeed at this\ with KansasCityCD and supported his masculinity! yay πŸ™‚

  63.  #63Daria on August 22, 2014 at 1:16 am

    Indigo hmm I feel pulled into the last posts I am working through when to choose rest and when to go out also….

  64.  #64Indigo on August 22, 2014 at 1:49 am

    Thanks Daria, feels good to know you are also working through this.

    It can feel confusing to know which

  65.  #65Andrea on August 22, 2014 at 3:24 am

    I feel sturdy, solid, but slightly off kilter and air heady.. balloon head.

    I said to daughter’s father.. (DF) that I feel claustrophobic. I feel as though I’m a crutch for him, as though I’ve been holding up the fort for my daughters and I for all these years and now that he’s in our lives I’m holding up the fort for him as well.

    He got angry. “How do you figure I’m using you as a crutch?”

    I said, “I’m 41. I feel as though I deserve to be with a partner, a man, who is already established. A man who has a bank account, a car, a home, an address..etc.”
    I said, “You are not that man YET! I feel so appreciative that you came to our city to get to know the girls. I feel so proud that you got a job right away and that you are so generous with your money. But I also feel more friendship toward you than romance and partnership. If there is ever a man who I feel comfortable giving my heart to, my body to, sharing a home with.. I want to feel as though I’m taken care of, as though, if I lose MY home, I can lean on him, if I lose MY car, he can help me with another one. I don’t feel that you are in that place right now. I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I feel excited to see how you grow in our city. And when you are established, if you ask me out on a date, I will say yes. But I’m not ready for a full blown relationship with you.”

    He was hurt… possibly?? I felt his hurt. (Or projected it.) And he said, “I will move out on Sunday.”

    I wanted to fix his hurt. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to reach out and smooth his back and hold his hand and say, “I’m sorry. I feel responsible. I feel regret that I asked you to come and see your daughters.”

    But then I got angry as well. I’m really tired of making excuses for men. I’m tired of putting the damper on my dreams and my accomplishments and my goals and my desires, just to make a man feel okay. I’m tired of giving up my body, my sex, my home, my laughter, my attention…. and getting less than.. in return.. and being okay with that.

    I can be alone and get “less than”. So why expend the energy. I know that is cynical, but I feel angry that it was SO hard for him, a single man, to come and visit his daughters without me offering him a home, my body, my attention, my care, my truck, my friends, my life. I shouldn’t have had to ask… God Dammit! I shouldn’t have had to try and “persuade” him to come and care about OUR daughters. And he certainly should not EXPECT to have a half of my bed.

    And yet, I am the one who offered it up.. just to get him here. I feel sad that I had/have such low self worth. I feel ashamed that my daughters saw me… begging their father to come, and then they saw me giving and giving and giving and giving…

    As though… that’s how it is supposed to be. He’s been living with me a month and a half and even though he had been working a full time job, he has seventy dollars to his name. Yes, he put gas in my truck and he helped me a phone bill. Yes, he has been generous and nice to the girls when it comes to buying them things. But it’s all a farce… if he is homeless and vehicle-less and living off of me… then his “generosity” isn’t really generosity is it? It’s something like… payback… or, “Oh, I don’t have enough to help with the rent but here’s a movie I just bought for the girls.”

    Yes. I’m angry. I feel used. I feel run down. I feel … goodbye!!!

  66.  #66April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 5:00 am


    I would check in with my body to see what it prefers to do tonight. And choose that.
    There will be other gigs he will ask you to, if he doesn’t get you on a plate tonight!!
    Also, be wary of that not-wanting-to miss out syndrome. It could cause you to feel resentment if you don’t get the rest your body needs.

  67.  #67Kim on August 22, 2014 at 5:20 am

    Wow Azure Blu, I love reading your posts and how you deal with certain types of situations…
    The other woman visiting…I would have sulked like no tomorrow, rather than have expressed my concern.
    So cool.

    On another note, if I thought my guy was pulling back because I didn’t deliver a feeling message properly….uh…I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this. The right man does not pull away because you say ‘I am cold’ in a certain way. I am sorry, I am not buying that. Lol.
    It feels weird to me to hear all this overthinking about stating something simple. And worrying it pushes a man away.
    I think THIS is what pushes a man away.
    The constant ‘am I saying this right’ – that’s overfunctioning in another direction and eggshell walking.
    If I had to watch my every word not to push a man away, I would not want to be in that type of relationship.
    Ladies, I had two great 5 year relationships, and didn’t utter a feeling message in 10 years…
    Just sayin’

  68.  #68Kim on August 22, 2014 at 5:22 am

    I am not saying they aren’t a great way of expressing ourselves and I certainly use them now, but it has to remain authentic, not stilted and constantly thinki how it arrives properly.
    That is nkt authentic and neither does it make for a flow in comversation, at least not for me.

  69.  #69Indigo on August 22, 2014 at 5:34 am

    Thank you April Rose 67,

    Your response feels very good to me πŸ™‚ x

  70.  #70prplpsn28 on August 22, 2014 at 5:38 am

    Meds haven’t kicked in yet so I had a bad night and also a bad morning. My thought is that H doesn’t have strong feelings for me and knows how I feel about fwb so that’s why he left. And he shuts down while talking cuz he doesn’t want to hurt me. He indicated on tuesday that I could text him and talk that way. Maybe that would be easier for him. But I have not contacted him. RR way says to lean back, give him his space with no contact. I feel like it’s over and I’m devastated. 3 yrs is a lot of time and memories. A huge part of me is gone. Big black whole πŸ™

  71.  #71Indigo on August 22, 2014 at 5:41 am

    Andrea 66,

    That wouldn’t do for me either.

    I can’t speak to how you feel, but I just feel I would need SO much more from a man to be comfortable living with him.

    Wouldn’t a man you could depend on and rely on feel so much better. One who contributed in a big way financially without making a show of it, without even thinking about it, a man who just considered these things and took care of it. There are such men. Men who will not make you feel off balance and like you are the adult. Ooh, that wouldn’t feel good to me.

  72.  #72Oshun on August 22, 2014 at 5:55 am

    That’s the thought I had, Indigo. I mostly post on my phone so I can’t tell what number that post was. But I’ve felt for a while that we would make great friends but the romantic energy wasn’t there. Do I tell him that, which he probably feels himself? Or let it be? I told him I’d let him know on whether I could attend or not. I was leaning toward not telling him & just not showing up but I think I felt that way as a way of being mean. It might be good to send a “I can’t make it. Take care” text. It may not. Expressing and kind of feelings toward dude is not worth the energy. And honestly I like how I feel because at least, I didn’t give “too much” on something I was never sure of.

    Happy Friday, Sirens! Thanks for welcoming a newbie like myself!

  73.  #73Oshun on August 22, 2014 at 6:16 am

    And might I add CDING feels like awesome-sauce all over my soul! Lol… I’m being silly. The goal is to not lose sight when distractions come about.

  74.  #74Emerson on August 22, 2014 at 6:42 am

    I hear what you’re saying about the big black hole. I am sorry. I have been there. I know it feels so painful with all the memories.
    It sounds trivial, but some things that helped me were taking a class I always wanted to take, getting my nails done regularly, exercising, getting totally focused on myself and looking and feeling my best. It took me a while to get there and I still had low moments. And I found this blog too and started going in public using roris tools. It took the focus off the failed relationship and reminded me that I can meet someone else.
    I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I could make your pain disappear.

  75.  #75Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 6:44 am

    Indigo #58
    Mmmm…. I see BM is LOVING spending
    Much time with your yummy, soft, irrisistable self!!
    OF COURSE he would!!! ;->

    What kind or energy will YOU have
    when you’re with him so many times in a row?

    I have found, some masculine men get VERY giddy and lead us
    in a fast pace in the beginning
    because they are sooo excited to be with us!!
    To avoid the BIG backing off… which will probably happen…
    I try and pace them a little by being busy some of the time…
    Spirit wanted to see me… Tue, Wed, Thur, Fri…
    I couldn’t Wed.. We didn’t Tue (he cancelled) we saw each other Thur…we’ll see each other tonight… but NOT this weekend…
    Soft, lovely Siren,,, I’d take a break… If you miss out on too much of YOUR ME time… You might feel off balance

  76.  #76Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 6:46 am

    YOURE DOING GREAT, darling one…
    so glad you ARE taking care of YOU
    by taking the meds…
    LOVE and kisses

  77.  #77Emerson on August 22, 2014 at 6:49 am

    I still struggle with feeling low and wonder if I can ever find a relationship where I feel safe. I know good men are out there and I know how it feels to know a man really wants to be with me.
    I had lunch with ExoticCD yesterday. He is very feminine energy, it was nice to see him as a friend, and I feel a little awkward actually. He asked me to go on an overnight trip which surprised me because he was not being affectionate or giving me any indicators of attraction. I am not going on an overnight trip with him because I don’t feel the closeness or desire to do that with him.
    I have time where I still miss my boyfriend from 15 years ago, my first love. To this day, I still have dreams about him. Maybe it’s there to remind me I can still have those feelings for someone and not to lose hope.

  78.  #78Emerson on August 22, 2014 at 6:52 am

    BTW purplepsn28 if your doctor prescribed meds, I feel it’s one more thing you can do to take care of yourself to feel better and nothing to be ashamed about whatsoever! Love to you<3

  79.  #79Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 6:55 am

    Kim #68
    Ahhh,,,,Thank YOU for your support!!

    I AM feeling really good about how I am able to
    feel my feelings, more and more, in the present moment… and express them to Spirit!!!

    I agree with what you are saying about
    NOT walking on eggshells
    by being SOOO consumed with saying
    just the right word in the correct way…
    C CArter and Mark Katz…
    both agree…
    Say what you want and don’t want to a man…
    He can’t read your mind!!!

  80.  #80Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 7:00 am

    Thank you!!! for your lovely, warm praise…

  81.  #81Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 7:05 am

    yes… the leaning back, leaning forward dance…
    I’m thinking Spirit might have found out I’m online dating…
    He seems to be wanting to talk about exclusivity…
    I have to think about this…
    I do really like many things about him…
    I do best when I do only date one guy to discover who they are…
    because men (and me) tend to hold back…
    Not be themselves… until we are exclusive..

  82.  #82Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 7:14 am

    Andrea #66
    Wow… I sooo love what you shared with DF…

    Of course he will be surprised and upset…
    He will need to process alllll of this…

    I imagine he will still be seeing your daughters…
    I know that will be sooo important to them…

    For Me it seemed, this was A LOT of time together…
    REALLY quickly… We all get chlostaphobic in Extreme
    when there was NO time to get to know each other…
    Now you have your space…
    remember the good things about him…
    Love YOUR Anger,
    Love YOU, soft, sweet, lovely Siren

  83.  #83Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 7:18 am

    Emerson #78
    how well YOU are taking good care of YOU,
    observing How YOU feel i the presence of Exotic
    and NOT wanting to go on the weekend trip
    because of YOUR feelings!!!
    to me… the more we listen to our HEART
    and take exquisite care of our Big, Beautiful, soft, velvety HEart
    the closer we get to our forever man

  84.  #84Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 7:25 am

    Indigo #62…
    Mmmmm… i’m thinking Spirit has found out I am online dating…
    he was leaning back… and bringing up this lady from Vegas…
    Or he wants to have an exclusivity talk…
    we’ll see what happens tonight…

    I can’t believe how GOOD it felt to have HIM in my kitchen last night,,,
    I want to set up a night to cook together…

  85.  #85Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 7:30 am

    Beloved #37
    Hugggsss… lovely Siren…
    I hear many NV you are sharing here…
    and in the end you were giving yourself
    MUCH LOVE and acceptance…

    I’m wondering if you had a child that died…
    Is that some of your fear you are talking about?

  86.  #86Dominique on August 22, 2014 at 7:58 am

    And I feel VERY proud of you Andrea – 66 – How perfect a situation was this which YOU created to come to all of these amazing for you and your girls realizations. What a wonderful experience after all.


  87.  #87Dominique on August 22, 2014 at 8:09 am

    Kim – 69 – Yes, yes, yes!!!


  88.  #88Ignis on August 22, 2014 at 8:51 am

    Sirens i need some help cause I discovered something that comes up often lately and I cannot make sense of it. So he is gone and not even talking to me. And I’m in a place when I do not want to use my time on a man that moved to another gf so quickly and clearly does not want me. But each time I stop wishing he would come back I feel then that I’m not believing that I could deserve a good man. I know I feel guilty about pushing him away deluxe. I know that if I could really stop myself from hanging onto him I could change my vibe. Is it my old me sabotaging the new one with this overthinking?

  89.  #89Indigo on August 22, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Kim 68 & 69,

    Absolutely agree with you, and have wanted to say it here for some time.

    When I’m communicating with a man, what’s important is that it feels right *to me*, and also that I am being myself. And honestly, myself doesn’t communicate in feeling messages all the time. I use my own language, and sometimes that says “I feel” and sometimes it says “I love” or “I want” or it just states something straight up. I think a guy responds first and foremost to who you are.

  90.  #90Indigo on August 22, 2014 at 9:01 am

    Azure Blu 76,

    Thank you dear for your response to me, and how heartfelt and caring it was. You have such a great point.

    I checked in with myself through the whole of today, and when BM phoned to chat about it I let him know that I would be happy to go, but couldn’t see myself staying late, and that it didn’t feel so great for me to drive down there. He immediately said he would be happy to fetch me (it’s quite out of his way, but… that’s ok) and he was concerned and happy for us to leave early.

    I feel happy about this πŸ™‚ I will speak up if I feel overwhelmed, and will take some time for myself at another time this weekend.

  91.  #91Lucy on August 22, 2014 at 9:05 am

    Dearest Sirens,

    Wanted to visit you on Siren island and say how I love being here — though in a rush, because I am pressuring myself to get day started — UGH! That comes from my “I don’t have enough time” belief — and an instant cutter-off of feelings.

    Still processing my feelings from my last relationship — maybe it will resurrect, right now doesn’t feel it. I do love and respect this man, CDtechie (lol), very much though I said some nasty things out of anger….at least I FELT the anger, lol,…..but am now feeling feelings in a respectful way, they won’t kill me, they are not me, though they make my body feel yucky but I can also process that by walking, eating right (fruits and veggies for me).

    Bought all the Rori Raye program. Feels so good and supportive of my true self to spend the $$ on me. I am beautiful. I deserve it. I give to me just for the heck of it!

    Love the supportive energy of this board, with real women, feeling their feelings, supporting each other — this is how it should be. The process feels SOOO GOOD, and I feel very surrendered to being process-oriented, not goal oriented as I was earlier. Process of becoming more me feels so good, natural, and so good to share with others like you, knowing we are all beautiful and growing in our own mysterious ways, we’re all expanding even as the Universe is expanding.

    My daughter (the scientist, age 13) said “I am getting furious at you mom for talking about things you know nothing about” and I able to let that be, and smile, knowing that her scientific mind does not approve at the way I synthesize information, but loving her for being so brilliant and have this math/science gift.

    Lol, right now being texted/talked to by a 24-year-old lol (lets say I look like I am 40, but still…..)I am tempted to ignore him, but I want to be open to being with men, and what the Universe responded with after my big break-up with a man (CD techie) my age who I really do love and adore, who is my teacher. Love this man’s spirit in a big way — on a human level we are ready to kill each other. On a human level, it may be dead, and I feel accepting of this, and my own level of knowledge.

    So I may just hang out with this much younger man just to be with the young masculine energy…not feeling physically attracted even though he is beautiful, and why not have a light fun time of just being. Got to trust the Universe’s response — the Universe is most definitely masculine, I agree with Rori, one of the reasons being that it is so silent half the time, and doesn’t react the way you expect lol — I am open to the surprises!

    Thank you Sirens for being you.


  92.  #92Lucy on August 22, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Wow, I was not expecting my avatar to show my photo. I feel vulnerable.

  93.  #93Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 9:08 am

    I forgot to mention…
    Rob emailed me last night..
    “You make me feel like a Gazilion bucks!!
    So fun tonight.”

    sooo I’m trying to lean back… relax
    and realize…
    everything is OK!!! :->>

    How lucky am I
    at 62 yrs to have allll these Yummy men..
    giving me their wonderful time and attention!!

    It’s sooo good to be here with you AMAZING
    sirens on
    Siren Island… thank you again for allll your loving support!

  94.  #94Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 9:22 am

    How brave and vulnerable of you
    to share your story with us!!!

    Younger man energy sounds exciting and fun!!!
    For me, Cding has been sooo great
    to practice my RR tools
    to keep me on my horse moving forward…

  95.  #95Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Lucy… I see you got your photo off…

    I’m like you… i would feel to exposed…
    Not for the sirens on this Island
    but all others out there…

  96.  #96Lucy on August 22, 2014 at 9:29 am

    I love this new thread.

    #37 Beloved. I am in such admiration for you feeling those feelings. I have been there


    P.S. Can anyone help me remove my photo avatar? I do love this photo and how I look in it — but I value my privacy due to my “out there” profession, so would like a flower avatar.

  97.  #97Lucy on August 22, 2014 at 9:31 am

    #96 Azure Blu — yes, I removed it. My profession is somewhat in the public eye.

    OTOH, I don’t mind it in my blog. LOL. I feel what I feel. So now must figure out a way to have it only in my blog.

    Love all your successes with your man. It feels so fun and good to read about them!

  98.  #98Lucy on August 22, 2014 at 9:37 am

    Azure Blu, thank you so much for the comment about being vulnerable. It makes me feel cared for, and valuable. Thank you.

    With my Scorpio nature, and its psychological bent and need to change, I have always wanted to show all parts of myself….but I feel now I want to show myself with only women like you and other Sirens….evolving women who are loving.

    I feel I have hurt myself in the past by being careless at who I showed myself to….

    Azure Blu, I love your way of talking….it feels so good, even looks good on the page. It feels very nurturing, caring, and open…


  99.  #99Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 9:48 am

    (((Lucy))) #99
    mmmmm… your warm, kind words feel sooo good…
    thank you!!!

    Interesting what you said about my writing
    and how it appears on the page…

    Thinking about it…
    It’s probably because i’m a graphic designer and marketing
    Everyday I work on helping my clients discover
    the best way to present their communications…

    I believe the way I break up my text on Siren Island
    is the easiest way for ME to communicate MY thoughts
    AND the easiest way for others to read and understand,,, ;-))

  100.  #100Ignis on August 22, 2014 at 10:27 am

    @Azure Blu you are an inspiration for me, you totally rock and I have no clue how you look and who your are really since I do not know you but I can feel your beautifullness and warmth even from the other side of this planet πŸ™‚

  101.  #101April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 10:29 am

    Kim and Dominique,

    I feel misunderstood.

    I agree that overthinking what to say to a man is a problem.

    But that isn’t what I was expressing.

    I feel sad you didn’t acknowledge and celebrate my breakthrough with me.

    Rori was very clear on the teleclass (oh, how I wish you had been there listening) about the ways we make men wrong. And that if you want to be the feminine energy partner you can’t afford to make him wrong. Not once!

  102.  #102April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Why do you think Rori even runs a teleclass if it isn’t to refine our tools and love scripts?

    I feel angry.

    Kim, two 5-year relationships doesn’t prove anything, other than they failed. (Sorry to be harsh, but that was the example you used in your post).

  103.  #103Ignis on August 22, 2014 at 10:34 am

    My head came to help, I remember Rori wrote somewhere that our thinking should be helpful for us, and I think this is what is happening. I got this though first time in my life I think, that maybe instead of torturing myself with all the tweaks I need to do I can assume I moved on and that I’m what I want to be already. And that the fact I want to work on myself has nothing to do with I need some tweaking and I’m not good enough. It means I’m good because if I work on myself then I’m getting better and better! Wooooaaaa! Take that my nasty voice hahaha

  104.  #104Femininewoman on August 22, 2014 at 10:53 am

    Kim – The right man does not pull away because you say β€˜I am cold’ in a certain way. I am sorry, I am not buying that. Lol.

    My dear you don’t have to buy it. That doesn’t change the fact just because you don’t buy. I agree with you about the overthinking, overfunctioning and also want to say that just about every relationship coach I have followed suggested that yes we can mess up a good thing. It is not just about saying a feeling message right, it is about any message. You can say the right thing in the wrong way. No human being alive is going that allow people to to just belt out whatever at them. We all have a saturation/toleration point. Some are more fragile than others. I have heard Carol Allen talk about messing up even a match made in heaven because of lack in relationship skills and communication faux pas.

  105.  #105April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 10:53 am

    How we speak – to anyone – is either coming from masculine or feminine energy.

    The subtleties surprised me. And I’ll be ever grateful to Rori for demonstrating those subtleties.

    I had thought I WAS in feminine energy. Thank you Rori for putting me straight so I can go ever deeper towards expressing that feminine place in me. Which is what I want to do. Which is why I am here on this blog and in Rori’s world.

  106.  #106Femininewoman on August 22, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Andrea reading your post my mind went back to Rori talking about how we hire men to beat us up.

  107.  #107Femininewoman on August 22, 2014 at 11:02 am

    “constantly thinki how it arrives properly”

    Interestingly enough I remember several communication courses which I participated in and this was the whole point. That the listener gets the message meant by the speaker. I remember diagrams showing the skewed ways it can arrive. Next I remember being taught about reflecting back messages to verify that the message received was the message being delivered.

    These days with the advance in science, the awareness of the differences in men and women brains they have been able to identify emotional triggers and specific words that light up parts of our brains. Some of these are being taught by hyponists and NLP practitioners to help people to get what they want.

  108.  #108Andrea on August 22, 2014 at 11:05 am

    I feel peaceful, grateful, graceful..

    DF woke this morning and wanted to talk again.

    I asked him, “I feel tossing and turning in my belly. I feel unsettled and scared that your anger toward me will affect our daughters.”

    He said, “And the fact that you feel that way, and that I know that I’m the cause, is just killing me.”

    Oh? I asked him if he only came to our city because he expected me to be in a full fledged relationship with him.

    He told me he was a in a place of nothingness in his life. Had lost all material belongings, his career, etc.. and when he got my letter about possible coming to my city, he only thought… “That’s the answer God has for me. That’s the next phase of my life.”

    He told me he had only ever expected honesty and he thinks I’ve not allowed myself to be with him or with myself. He said he wants to listen to me and understand why I couldn’t just be honest.

    So together, he and I sorted out my heart, my past, my triggers, my response to him, my response to men. And he said, “I know that you love me Andrea. But I want to be the man that you respect.”

    I feel so understood by him.

    We came to an agreement that he will stay with me until September 11th. That will have given him exactly two months time in my city to figure out his “stuff” and save enough money.. or what ever… to find a new place to live.

    He says he’s ready to start his life over and he “isn’t going anywhere far away from his daughters.” So he wants to stay in our city and build his own personal life here that will definitely include our daughters and might include me eventually.

    I told him that I feel so resolved now. That I feel such a newness of life because he and I were able to cooperate and work as a team to come up with a plan that works for our whole family. I told him I feel amazed that it’s possible to have team work, and communication, and cooperation with a man. I told him I feel so appreciative of him because I have never had that kind of fellowship and togetherness with a man, not even my father.

    I feel humbled. I feel strong on the inside, yet weepy and soft and lovable. Here is this man…. and I can actually be honest with him and he isn’t lashing out, hating me, accusing me… he is sad, but understanding. He loves me. ( WOW )

  109.  #109April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 11:13 am

    That’s so beautiful, Andrea.

    I feel my own fears melting as I read your post.

  110.  #110nyx on August 22, 2014 at 11:29 am


    I don’t know about you, but all these things you’ve been working so hard to achieve, (and successed with achieving! πŸ™‚ )would- to me- feel like something that should’ve been worked on together, with the father of your daughters. He wasn’t there. So to me, at least, it would feel like a person didn’t want to do his part of the work, but gladly jumps on board when it is time for the paycheck. A parasite.

    That is how it would feel to me- I’m not trying to say what you feel, only to say that I understand the situation feels wrong to you. Though, be wary of thinking he planned to take advantage- because it seems like you initiated his stay of his? So- why not dampen your resentment against him? (As long as he moves out now when you told him you are uncomfortable with the situation. Don’t feel guilty- an invitation is an invitation only for as long as the host wishes). But the second, much more important question is: why would you share anything with anyone if you don’t feel you want to? Money, lodging, sex, love, attention. Now you tried this- it clearly didn’t feel good to you. Now you know this situation is not anything you need to yearn for ever again. You say you feel like goodbye. Maybe this- a try- was what you needed to know now, and let go? Maybe he will come after, better suited. Whichever, you are in touch with yourself and your wants, needs, desires. You will know when you get an offer that meets them and can accept, giving both you and that future man a good start for being happy. πŸ™‚

  111.  #111nyx on August 22, 2014 at 11:31 am


    Oh, your post just came up for me! This is all so very lovely πŸ™‚ I hope this turns out great- he seems to be really honest.

  112.  #112Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 11:40 am

    Indigo #92…
    You are sooo welcome

    Mmmmm… must feel like a Better balance
    to NOT drive there!!!
    How authentic and intimacy building to
    ask for what you needed…
    AND BM responded!!
    I’m likin’ this man cause he’s treating you Well!!

  113.  #113Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 11:49 am

    Andrea #110
    Ohhhh… Lovely lady….

    THIS is sooo BEAUTIFUL…. I am sitting here with a heart that is SOOOO warmed by YOUR sharing of
    your Siren self with us…
    connecting with the father of your children…
    I am crying happy tears for YOU…

    and ALLL the work you have done to be
    Soft on the outside and Strong on the Inside…

    Because of THE RR tools You have Practiced and Practiced…
    You were able to have an open heart communication
    with this man that seems to be sooo
    tender hearted!!!
    YOU are an inspiration to ME…

  114.  #114Femininewoman on August 22, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Wow Andrea. I knew you got this. I felt and huge lurch in my stomach, I suspect that is my own fear and I felt teary eyed and soft reading your comment. It feels so clear and human. So accepting of life and so safe.

  115.  #115Femininewoman on August 22, 2014 at 11:58 am

    β€œI know that you love me Andrea. But I want to be the man that you respect.”

    Just wow!! This has always been such a big thing for me but never really knew how to do it. Really respect men. I feel my heart trembly just writing that and like a deep absyss in my gut quivering with fear.

  116.  #116Azure Blu on August 22, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    (((April Rose))) #103
    I want to celebrate YOUR breakthrough!!!
    It is LIFE Changing…

    Recently I had a breakthrough about how
    I make the men I am getting close to
    wrong (acting snarky, belittling)…. from fear of initmacy

    ME, starting to changing that pattern
    was sooo profound
    It brought me to MY knees

    I am soooo thankful you were able to share
    what Rori spoke on the other night..

    What is EXTREMELY Frightening to me
    is this statement
    “And that if you want to be the feminine energy partner you can’t afford to make him wrong. NOT ONCE!”

    NO. NO. that can’t be true…
    I am NOT perfect… I make mistakes
    What happened to the statement
    Rori told us…
    You can’t say the wrong thing to the right man…

  117.  #117Dominique on August 22, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    April Rose – 103 – How wonderful and courageous for you to say this. And I completely that making a man wrong or anyone for that matter will not feel good, and that what this work is all about, having YOU feel good. Discovering what you want, what you don’t want, and expressing yourself in an authentic way.

    Feeling messages are primarily about you, for uncovering what you feel, and learning how to express them in ways others can hear. No one can hear when made to feel wrong.

    I feel badly you felt misunderstood, and what was said above was not directed at you in any way. In all the time I’ve known you, I’ve seen incredible revelations and tremendous growth, and I think you’re awesome.

    Love to you.



  118.  #118Dominique on August 22, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Ignis – 105 – YAY you!!!


  119.  #119Dominique on August 22, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Andrea – 110 – WOW indeed. Awesomeness.


  120.  #120Daria on August 22, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Hey!!! Oshun I felt so captivated by the awesome sauce over your soul feeling!

    So poetic and engaging, just how they’re meant to be!

  121.  #121Daria on August 22, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Lovely Siren April Rose – thank you for sharing your experiences with Rori’s new tools

    sopping it up like dew

  122.  #122Daria on August 22, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    I make my mom wrong sometimes maybeoften

    I feel so angry

    and I don’t want to just let it go

    and stuff and feel down after

    blowing up feels so much more self honoring and POWERful

    and it feels bad after

    i feel sad

  123.  #123April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Azure Blu,

    It feels good you wanting to celebrate my breakthrough with me. Thank you.

    I will listen again to the recording, to feel the exact context of ‘not once!’. When I heard it, I felt similar to you. Frightened. But then something in me ‘got’ it. Not my head, something in a deeper place.

  124.  #124Ignis on August 22, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Wow I just talked to one of my cd, and he is driving here now, 1,5 hour drive, will be here at 1am just to see me because I was experimenting with my feeling messages which was inspired by your comments here! I feel so soft and appreciated now I can melt just for myself without any help from a man and that is so new!

  125.  #125Oshun on August 22, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    I have to admit, I am a little intimidated by feeling messages. Haven’t had many chances to use them. Reading how they are working for you all makes me even more nervous…like they may not work for me. I will definitely apply what I’m reading. How do you make it fit your personality? Goodness

  126.  #126April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 3:11 pm


    That’s the point exactly. They are not meant to ‘work’ at all!!!

    They are not for any purpose. Nothing is meant to ‘work’.

    Feeling messages are what happens when we breathe down deep inside our feminine feelings, and then can express those feelings out of our mouths.

    If they are ‘for anything, then they are for connecting you ever more closely with your femininity.

  127.  #127prplpsn28 on August 22, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    Why do relationships have to be so complicated?! At my age…why games? I don’t have time for this. Rrrrrrrrrgggggghhhh!! Uuuuggghhh! Between the tears I’m feeling pi**ed.

  128.  #128April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 3:15 pm


    Have you thought of practicing the tools on your Mom?

  129.  #129April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    It must be so difficult to live with parents. All parties having ingrained roles and patterns.
    But just think – if you can unwind a pattern with your Mum or Dad, then doing it with a new man will be a breeze!

  130.  #130Oshun on August 22, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    April Rose,

    Oh, ok. I think that’s where I get mixed up. It seems, from what I’m reading, as if when the feeling messages are put to use or expressed the responses are usually positive. So really it’s about opening up yourself and expressing what you feel just to get it out for you. I have to find a way to incorporate this into how naturally speak.

    I’ve noticed with men I’m not interested in being open is a breeze. There’s no worry of rejection. With guys I date it’s not so easy.

  131.  #131April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 3:29 pm


    Exactly! Rori’s advises us to “practice on those guys you don’t feel anything for, until it becomes second nature.”

  132.  #132April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    There is an article about it on the new thread πŸ™‚

  133.  #133Ignis on August 22, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    @April Rose

    Thank you for sharing your revelations and experience. I feel really inspired! I was wondering lately about why my language feels so off with men and now I found it πŸ™‚ hugs!

  134.  #134April Rose on August 22, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    Thank you, Ignis!

    You have a man driving to you right now, I believe. And you feel all melty.
    Wow, lady. You rock!

  135.  #135Liquid Light on August 22, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Well, haven’t heard anything from Architect. I can’t believe he blew me off. I wasn’t expecting that but I guess you just never know. I know he’s really busy with work and all but still it just feels like rude behavior. I’m glad I didn’t decide to go over to his home for dinner. Oshun, I think you hit the nail on the head.

    I’ve been so extremely busy with work, I’ve hardly been able to think straight much less worry about men. My head is spinning from a crazy week and now I’m looking at a weekend with almost no plans. It’s not so bad though because my parents have been in town so have been busy with them every weekend, plus the move. So it feels good to have an open weekend but its going to be a bit boring and lonely too.

    I’d really like to start having some fun since my life has been so challenging over the last few months with moving, starting a new job and trying to spend as much time with my parents as possible. Its just been non-stop.

    That’s about to change though and can start having some fun again. I’m just not sure if I know how anymore!! sigh ughh

  136.  #136Kim on August 22, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    ‘You can’t afford to make him wrong, not once’

    Really? We are humans not Robots.
    If I was so frightened to make a man wrong once and destroying everything, personally, I wouldn’t see myself fit dealing with any human being and moght want to lock myself in a room without any more interaction.
    Living in fear of making him wrong?
    Uhmm…hello? If we can be lenient with ourselves, we can also be lenient with other people…life is not rigid and unforgiving.
    It happens. We say things. We do things. We get triggered.
    We are not perfect. We act out. It is NOT the end of the world.

    This is called life and humanity…dealing with humans and being human is not a game show where you lose everything because you say one wrong answer.

    This is what happens when we run after men who are no good for us. We make it all about them and worry how one wrong feeling message and one wrong answer will destroy everything. To me it feels like lunacy to give so much power to one word.

    Feels so bad to me to hear there are women who sit in fear of what they say because it could mess up everything.
    In my experience when a man loves you, saying ‘I am cold’ instead of ‘I feel cold’ is not going to destroy everything, but maybe I am misunderstanding something here.

  137.  #137Kim on August 22, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    In other news, MoM is taking me to the Keys. Even without me having said I feel cold. Lol.
    I think last time we were in his car and it was cool, I just shuddered and said ‘brrrr’.
    Guess what. It made zero difference.

  138.  #138Lucy on August 22, 2014 at 7:46 pm


    Hi, this is Lucy, a “new” Siren on the island. I loved reading your post.

    Your DF sounds like he is really intuitive. It was so nice to hear he thought you hadn’t been honest with him or yourself. How beautiful that you were, and he got it. It all feels so good for both you and him now.

    I want to encourage you to pamper yourself for being so open hearted on taking him into your home, being willing to see what happened, and then expressing your feelings about it. I feel this kind of risk is the stuff of great, full lives!

    And my CD-ing? Just smiling at this 24-year-old man who is chasing me, of course interested mostly in u-know-what, but sweet at the end of our texting, saying he had a long week and wanted a hug. I gave him a cyber-hug — I was feeling it. I was pleased to receive his masculine energy today.

    I practiced the tools on him while being sweet and accepting, and it felt so good. Just so fun, light, and able to nurture this young man, while accepting his attentions.

    A few times I got annoyed, so said I needed to get back to my exercise (I was walking outside). He asked for my picture (we’ve met once) and I naughtily sent him one of a plant and said “Is this what you wanted?”

    I finally sent a selfie of me (and felt good about how I looked, sweaty and hot and sweet) and he joked that he wanted to see more, and what was I wearing under my shorts?

    So I decided to be unpredictable again, and said “A black lacey thong.” His reaction was “OMG really????” and I laughed and said I was just messing with him — and he said he was laughing, too.

    I feel pleased that I handled his persistence with tact (I said twice that I was looking to walk into the sunset with someone — that felt good!) and also enjoyed him.


  139.  #139Lucy on August 22, 2014 at 7:48 pm


    #140. Wow, going to the Keys sounds like so much fun! MoM must really enjoy your company.

    My techieCD (whom I’m broken up with for now) once asked me to go to New York with him. This was the only time I’ve been asked to go away with a guy, not even my ex husband asked me that, and I loved it!

    Hoping and wanting and wishing to manifest that trip — many trips


  140.  #140Oshun on August 22, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    Is there a post on online dating?

  141.  #141Indigo on August 23, 2014 at 12:10 am


    Yay for manifesting trips!

    Hi and welcome! So good to have you here on Siren Island!


  142.  #142Indigo on August 23, 2014 at 12:13 am

    Azure Blu 114,

    Thank you, it did feel like a better balance. As soon as we got those details ironed out, I felt the turbulent feelings inside me quieten down completely.

    And he was true to his word. He came and fetched me on time, was caring attentive and very affectionate while we were there, we stayed for an hour or two and then he brought me home.

    We sort of had plans for today (Saturday) but he was concerned that it was what I really wanted, and that whilst he’d love to see me, to just say if I needed some downtime.

    Yay! Thanks again Azure Blu! πŸ™‚

  143.  #143Indigo on August 23, 2014 at 12:22 am

    Kim 139,

    There is a part of me which would love to agree with you, yet I have fallen into the trap of making a man wrong many, many times in the past.

    No, the world does not end, yes I’m still here today and everything is ok and I love myself and forgive myself… but I’ve come to realize that it is very, very serious. Making a man wrong is very bad news for our relationships. It has the most terrible effect on them – makes them shut down, get defensive and not want to try for us. It causes fights, and fights are where you are not communicating effectively and it makes both of you wonder if it is even worth it. I do NOT want that, not even for one day. My relationships, the men (and people) in my lives and my peace of mind are too precious to me.

    I’ve also realized that making him wrong is absolutely not necessary to get your point across. And I disagree that this is just when we are chasing the wrong men. Making him wrong gets you less of what YOU want and need, whilst finding a way to communicate with him that he responds positively to gets you more love and affection, and creates a space where he wants to give you what you want, instead of resenting you for attacking him.

    Sorry for my long post, but yeah… I have learned the hard way the price you pay in terms of pain and frustration when you don’t learn an effective way to speak to a man. So yeah sorry, I really disagreed with your post. But this is just my own opinion. It really depends what you want.

  144.  #144Veronica on August 23, 2014 at 2:16 am

    Emerson – 76 – I really like the tenderness in your message here.

  145.  #145Veronica on August 23, 2014 at 2:22 am

    Ignis – 90 – When I read your words, it struck me how I had attached a definition of what a good man is to my ex. I was troubled because I felt conflicted: will I find someone like that again and how could that be since we are no longer together? After a long time I realized that there were aspects of what *I* need in a *good man for me* that I was connecting to in my ex and wasn’t able yet to articulate to myself. For a while I used that connection as a way to inspire me to explore what I liked about these qualities – slowly it became about me and my desires and less about the ex.

  146.  #146Veronica on August 23, 2014 at 2:23 am

    Azure Blu – 95 – It is no surprise to me that men will say that to you x x

  147.  #147Ignis on August 23, 2014 at 3:50 am


    Yes, yes, yes, thanks for reminding me of this. Because I was so hung up on him and now slowly it is more about me.

  148.  #148Shannon P. on August 23, 2014 at 5:28 am

    I’m sorry, but sometimes men are wrong.

    I “made” my ex wrong last night, and I’m not particularly sorry. He was wrong. He actually sat there and criticized me as a mother. This is a guy who ignored and neglected us (which was wrong). A guy who is currently neglecting our daughter, not giving her meds, overmedicating her, refusing to make her brush her teeth or take a bath or change her panties (which is wrong). A guy who cheated (which is wrong). A guy who broke our family apart (which I should have done years ago).

    I said that it would feel better to wake her up to give her the pill rather than deprive her of all of her favorite foods such as pizza, milk, salad, etc. just so she could take the pill earlier. He then proceeded to tell me that he was “appalled” that I “couldn’t be bothered” to read labels, and “welcome to having a child with diabetes, waaah”.

    I was so shocked by this stupid, disgusting, inane comment that I told him plainly that I was amused by it. I was just plain too shocked to be even mad. A guy who left nearly ALL of her diabetes care management to me for over a year has the balls to say that to me because I don’t want to take away our daughter’s favorite foods just so he doesn’t have to pay attention to when he gives her, her pills.

    Sometimes men are wrong. And sometimes they don’t give a rat’s behind how we feel about it. The guy blames me for EVERYTHING. There could be a monsoon on the other side of the planet, and he’d use the butterfly effect to say THAT was MY fault.

    I didn’t make him wrong. HE WAS WRONG. He did the wrong things and I’m tired of taking the blame for it.

    He admitted that he didn’t give her attention or affection, but it was because I was “always with her”. He admitted that he was jealous that she got my time and attention, but he was always “too busy” to take care of her or to do anything with me (too busy computer gaming, by the way–we’re not talking work here).

    At what point along the way where they just don’t give a bloody darn about how we feel can we stop walking on eggshells and letting them justify treating us badly (and our babies badly) with “don’t ever make him wrong, men are never wrong”?

    I was too shocked to be mad last night, but I’m certainly angry–and disgusted–today.

  149.  #149Indigo on August 23, 2014 at 7:49 am

    Shannon P,

    I feel nervous to reply to you, because I have much admiration for you as a mother, and could never possibly understand what you are going through…

    Yet, it’s not that men are never wrong. Clearly many people, including men, do wrong things all over the world and some behavior is obviously patently wrong… if it wasn’t, we wouldn’t have wars, child abuse etc. etc.

    It’s not about them never being wrong. And if you feel the need to blast him and let him know exactly all about it, then do that. Heaven knows I have. And there are times I have not been sorry.

    What it is about is, what do you hope to achieve by doing that? If this is a man you couldn’t care less about and have no relationship with and want nothing from, if you do not mind the conflict, then by all means go ahead.

    However… if you value the RELATIONSHIP, which is both of you, and getting what you need from it, from him, then you need to learn new ways of communicating. This is not about stuffing feelings. I don’t stuff my feelings, I definitely don’t pretend I’m ok when I’m not. I care for me, first and foremost. But I have learned to communicate how I feel in a way that gets the most out of him, so that *I* can enjoy a fulfilling relationship which gives me what I want.

    I have done the constantly being at war with a man thing – because I mean, how can they be so flawed, you just have to tell them all about it, you know? But now, I have completely changed my tune, and I am infinitely – infinitely – happier and more fulfilled in my relationships.

    I am expecting a backlash from my post, and that’s ok. This is just my experience, and other women should feel free to do whatever is working for them.

  150.  #150Indigo on August 23, 2014 at 7:50 am

    For me it’s about, if I am always pushing a man away by telling him all about himself, what motivation does he have to try to do better for me in future?

  151.  #151April Rose on August 23, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Time to stop being covert about anger, and just say “I feel angry. I feel furious. I feel outraged. I feel murderous right now”.

  152.  #152April Rose on August 23, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Saying those things takes you out of the ‘victim’ place.

  153.  #153Indigo on August 23, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Yes, April Rose. I have no problem saying those things – it is clean and authentic.

  154.  #154lovetodance on August 23, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    thank you all for this dialogue about ‘making men wrong’…..
    maybe its even more about how to express anger and hurt in a way that can be heard and possibly help each involved….
    how to really know what has been triggered in oneself when such internal reactive explosions go off….how to express ones authenticity in a way that doesn’t ‘cut one’s nose off to spite one’s face’ so to speak…

    this is a very challenging subject for me because despite my serenity….there is also a little nuclear reactor inside that can in the right situation….go off…i am constantly working with whats behind all that….and men, especially the ones who can hurt me the most….are usually the ones who can be the object of the explosion….

    just some thoughts on this huge and hugely important topic and dynamic….

  155.  #155Shannon P. on August 23, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    My issue right now is that I don’t want any kind of relationship with him, but I’m forced into this ‘coparenting’ thing… Where I have to put a stupid smile on my face and tell my daughter that going to his house is the best thing and that it’s okay…

    But it isn’t. She’s not cared for there, on the most basic physical level. That just isn’t okay. No amount of trying top use feeling messages can make someone care about those feelings I’d he simply doesn’t.
    I’m not trying for anything with him anymore.

    I’ve realized that I won’t tolerate her being ignored anymore. My ‘boy’ is on the move and he’s going to protect her. I’ve documented and I’m not going to stop until I feel she’s safe.

  156.  #156lovetodance on August 23, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    keeping your daughter safe is the most important thing shannon…
    i hear the anger and feel your drive to do this most primal of woman instincts…to protect your child….

    i send you support and thumbs up for keeping you and her out of harms way….

    i hope you are getting the support you need by family, friends… other groups that can give you guidance and support in navigating this…good luck loving mama

  157.  #157Kyla on August 23, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    ShannonP I have noticed that men go into blame mode when they KNOW they are wrong and as they can’t accept/admit it they deflect it back on us.
    As for coparenting, I distanced myself from xh as much as possible and only engaged about the kids through email where I could disengage from arguing and keep to the point. Keep documenting everything and maybe a diabetes diary for your daughter is something you could implement if she doesnt have one already would help her work with you in learning to proactively manage and take control of her health. Unfortunately you can’t make him do anything and unless she’s at significant risk there’s not much you can do legally either. Having gone down that road myself and with others the courts will not intervene with a parents choice of meals or hygiene, skipping meds is more serious for sure.
    Big hugs to you, you are doing great and have come so far and keep up your strength and determination to keep going.

  158.  #158Lucy on August 23, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    Fellow Sirens,

    I’m following all this discussion about co parenting with great interest…..

    My kids’ father is completely out of the picture — I’m so grateful in that regard.

    This is one of the touchiest subjects ever, and I feel a lot of compassion for both sides.

    Making a man wrong almost never, ever helps. Have to agree with Indigo and Rori on this one. And I have messed up many a relationship by not making my partner/lover wrong.

    I find even the best men are way more casual in parenting and taking care of the kids than we are. My father was one of those men (he was a single father, my mother having died when I was little). I missed out on so much, and did not understand my feminine side, my emotions for a good part of my life, and was depressed.

    OTOH, the masculine presence of my father, his way of loving me was SOOOOOO important to me, and he really is my hero. He wasn’t great with the little details, but his example is what keeps me going in the big decision moments of my life.

    I’m finding that Rori’s tools help me a lot in relationships with men (friends, buddies, secret crushes!) that have been going fairly well, though I may have made small mistakes. RR’s tools really improve those relationships.

    However, I can think of some that won’t ever be resurrected because we argued, because I just did not hold back my anger and made him wrong.

    Tough call. In the end, go with your heart. Diabetes is nothing to play around with.


  159.  #159Oshun on August 23, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    So M sends a text about finally getting his apartment organized. Yay him! That’s all his text said. I’m not sure why he sent me that update when it could’ve gone to his mother. Anyway…

    I am a man magnet!!! I am CDing all over the country in a matter of 7 days. What?!?!?! I’m am tickled pink! As soon as I chose to stop being confused about the situation with M except for his occasional messages that feel like temperature gauging, the floodgates opened!

    I also put a coworker going through a recent breakup up to CD with an older gentleman who wanted to take her to lunch. I told her nothing had to come of it but it would do her spirit good to exchange energy with him even if only over lunch. She went and I got chocolate cake out of the deal! Score!!!

  160.  #160Oshun on August 23, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    Oh, that “Yay him” was so sarcastic.

  161.  #161Shannon P. on August 24, 2014 at 3:14 am

    When ex and I first started this whole thing, he tried (in court) to get K taken away from me because we were in the shelter (that he put us into by kicking us out). At the same time, while she was at his house, he ignored her. She’d come back to me unfed… “I’m not hungry, I (only now) just had snack” (at dinner time! THREE HOURS LATE!).

    I countered with trying to gain full custody, myself. Suddenly, he did a 180 and he was daddy of the year. The chick he cheated on me with moved right back out (she had moved in less than 2 days after kicking us out). He called me when she was struggling, he was all sweetness and light.

    I dropped my suit… he had changed, wow!!

    His chickadee moved in, he completely and totally went back to ignoring K and refusing to help with her. Quit medicating her properly (6 pills missed over two weeks–was he medicating her AT ALL?!), quit parenting her altogether except insertion site (medically necessary for her diabetes) which became later and later, and feeding her (often late, as well).

    Now he has found out that I’m going to ask for full custody, so he has begun screaming at her all the time. He is nasty to her, as he was when we were together, but at least then it was rare and I could intervene and get her to obey his usually absurd orders (put everything away, you’re 3 years old, you know where everything goes!!… really?!).

    EVERY time she goes back, it’s “do I have to go?” or “can I please, please stay with you/ go home with you?” or “I know I’ll be back on Friday (said on Wednesday), but that feels like forever”.

    Everything in my life would be EASIER if she were to stay 50-50. I could work overtime. I could go on dates. I could have the whole other half of my life.

    But are the benefits of 50-50 versus every other weekend, worth the risks?? K’s health is fragile right now. She needs her meds to be regular so they can be adjusted. How am I supposed to say that without ‘making him wrong’? When I said it without making him wrong, he started over-medicating her. He ignores and doesn’t take care of her, how am I supposed to say that?

    Does love scripts include how to tell the ex jerk in a “well, you’re the most perfect man on the planet, of course… BUT K needs more attention, and you know, a little f**king MEDICATION” kind of way??

    So far, not making him wrong hasn’t worked. He just doesn’t bother to step up. Telling him what I want and how I feel just ends up with him USING THAT to punish me when HE’S mad (90% of the time). My feelings open to him are simply a means to an end for him.

    I’d sit down and discuss my fears with him and offer him a deal. The problem is, he can’t sustain his daddy of the year BS for more than a few days or weeks, tops. It slips fast and it slips hard. He couldn’t sustain being affectionate towards me for more than a few minutes at a time… either he got laid instantly or it “didn’t work” and it was back to his computer gaming.

    I don’t know how to “not make him wrong” when pretty much everything IS wrong. He’s cruel and manipulative and LOVES to punish. And guess who he can hurt the most to hurt me?! It’s pretty easy for him to hurt her, and it’s THAT easy to hurt me.

  162.  #162Femininewoman on August 24, 2014 at 5:35 am

    Shannon I feel your passion and do agree with some parts of your argument. In the bigger scheme of things your daughter’s health is what is most important not whether you make him wrong or whether he is wrong. What I am getting here that might be fueling the feud is the difference in parenting styles. A 3 year old choosing her favorite foods would not be my first choice to feed my 3 year old. Last time I checked pizza and dairy products where high on the list of foods that causes health problems such as diabetes. Sorry to disagree with you but feeding a child or oneself stuff that is unhealthy thinking that taking a pill is gonna correct that is not exactly right thinking. It seems to me here getting fully informed about how both alternative and established medicine handles it might be key. Flour is denatured and totally devoid of any nutrition. It creates havoc with insulin. Reading your comments I honestly feel shocked that you would be fighting with him about feeding K pizza. Dairy is another product that I know is one of the first things that doctors take kids off when they get sick. I don’t mean to make you wrong but if this were my child my focus would be on what to do to get her off the medications. Doctors aren’t always right and aren’t the only authorities on health. Your best bet is to educate yourself so they have to depend on your feedback about how to deal with K’s situation. I for one have two kids and at that age had them eating only healthy. It was when they were almost teenagers that they discovered McDonald’s and pizza as semi-regular snacks. Even now my daughter does not drink milk and my son refuses to eat burgers and they are way into their teens. My opinion might not be worth anything to you but I encourage you to maybe really look deep into what this outrage is really about and see if maybe it might be misplaced. A pill will eventually damage her liver and kidneys. Believe it or not it is not protecting her life.

  163.  #163Femininewoman on August 24, 2014 at 5:40 am

    Lucy funny thing about it also is that little girls grow up to be women and the dad that seemed to ignore them when they were little they tend to seek out when they are grown. Even when mummy badmouths dad the girls will find a way if possible to build a relationship with them. It seems there is something wired in us to do that. I always believe it is best to allow kids to experience their own connection with dad so that they form their own opinions.

  164.  #164Shannon P. on August 24, 2014 at 6:02 am

    FW, I’m going to keep this very simple, sweet, and to the point.

    My daughter has type ONE, not TWO diabetes. She got TYPE ONE while she was on a GLUTEN FREE, DAIRY FREE diet.

    So the whole gluten free, dairy free diet did NOTHING to protect her from type 1 diabetes, AND the pill is for auto-immune thyroid disorder, not diabetes.

    I’ll thank you not to bring the subject up with me again, because I RESENT hugely that I bent over backwards and did headstands to make sure she had an ulta healthy diet and all it did was… well, nothing. She has diabetes and thyroid disorder anyway.

    Even the alternative health INDUSTRY acknowledges that type ONE is insulin FOR LIFE, and that auto-immune thyroid disorder is treatment FOR LIFE.

    So, seriously, don’t play the “let’s blame the parents for the child having diabetes” game here. It’s infuriating and offensive and NOT TRUE.

    I could go on, but I won’t. It is NOT MY FAULT that my daughter has type 1 diabetes or that she has thyroid disorder. I’ve dealt with that issue and I feel completely comfortable with the knowledge that I did everything I could and IT HAPPENED ANYWAY.

  165.  #165Shannon P. on August 24, 2014 at 6:16 am

    One more thing. I am the one that doesn’t feed her junk. That she was on my ‘rigid diet’ when she got diabetes and thyroid disorder gave him carte blanche to feed her anything he wants without regard for her health beyond these factors. I was arguing pizza with him because it’s HIS language. My point wasn’t PIZZA, it was how many foods contain CALCIUM.

    So yeah, it sure is a sore spot, but quite in the reverse of what you’re trying to claim. He and his mother believe that my not vaccinating her and my DEPRIVING HER of REAL FOOD is what caused her health issues.

    Whatever. The issue is that she’s not getting her medication properly. A person with type 1 diabetes can DIE without their insulin, or if they’re given too much. This is agreed upon by both sides of the alternative medicine debate, so I see no sense in arguing it here.

  166.  #166Daria on August 24, 2014 at 6:52 am

    neurosurgeon Jack Kruse has had some success i saw from reading healed people’s comments on his blog

    with permanently healing Thyroid auto immune (he talks about Hashimoto’s) and diabetes using cold water body immersion and marine/paleo food choices. he also lays out a lot of info on

    from what i read on there, type 1 db and Hashimoto’s are some of the most challenging for him as well. there are many people on there with huge issues who are getting well, and Jack actually answers questions from readers

    right now im using his recommendations to heal myself from my unexpected EMF-electronics oversensitivity

    and from some 1 1/2 yr anorexia i just ended with his recommendations

  167.  #167Emerson on August 24, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Good night sirens…
    sweet dreams