Love Forever – New Teleclass Monday, June 4th

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Hi, This is Rori –

Men are pretty much exactly as they always were.

Men still want to feel like men and act like men in the most old-fashioned way.

And girls – all girls, are man magnets.

Girls don’t have to do ANYTHING because Girls are man MAGNETS!

YOU are a man magnet – and so…YOU don’t have to DO anything!

To get personalized help with “doing nothing” and yet getting the results in love you want – the way my private clients do – take a look at my “Love Forever” Teleclass Membership Program (there’s a video on the page that’s not on youtube..) –>>

The next new teleclass in the Love Forever program is next Monday, June 4th at 5:30 PDT

((Once you’re in the Love Forever Membership, you’ll have access to ALL the recordings forever (it’ll be a full 9 hours after the 4th…))

Until I see you at “Love Forever” – try this Tool:


(It’ll give you something to DO that’s about NOT doing ANYTHING!)

1. Picture yourself as a Magnet for men. See yourself that way from the outside.

2. Picture men running toward you from everywhere, pushing and shoving each other aside to get to you…

3. Now go INSIDE your picture and IMAGINE yourself DRAWING in men from everywhere – like a magnet you hold on the beach draws in thousands of little pieces of iron from the sand.

4. Now imagine that all you have to do is SMILE, and men will drop from the skies, fly at you from everywhere, and STICK to you like glue.

5. The next step is to simply EXPERIENCE how it FEELS to be a magnet (If you’re doing it full-out, it might feel uncomfortable and downright scary…)

***I want you to do this small baby-step 24/7 – wherever you are, however you feel.

KNOW that you already ARE a magnet -just because you’re a girl! (It doesn’t matter what age you think you are – you’re a girl, and you don’t have to do anything but BE what you already are!)

For more help and new Tools I use only with my clients – take a look at my “Love Forever” Membership Program (It’s a one-time membership payment that’s currently 7 1/2 hours of me teaching you directly on audio – and includes new 90 minute telelcasses with NO extra payments!):

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Oh, I’m lovin’ this article! And I am Number One, Yeah!

  2.  #2April Rose on May 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I am a man magnet.

    That’s why I’m hiding in my bedroom today, having a rest.

  3.  #3Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:12 am

    April Rose,

    2 – LOL!

  4.  #4Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I welcome anyone to assist me in processing my CD approach here. I have a new CD I will call Nascar. If I understand correctly, he races in Nascar. Dover, Delaware is halfway between where we live, and he is inviting me to come this Friday or Saturday.

    a) I will have to meet him halfway. Is something this cool an acceptable reason to not give him a feeling message about meeting me in my area for at least the first time?

    Is this a good feeling message?

    I feel excited about watching you at Nascar! I wonder if you will be racing? Normally I feel more comfortable if a man comes to my town, at least for the first time. I would feel okay about meeting you there.


    I feel excited to think about you racing in Nascar! I hope I understood that correctly…did I? I would love to go, but I would feel more comfortable if you met me in my town, at least for the first time.

    b) The tickets are $55. Do I give a feeling message now about him paying or do I wait until I arrive? This is really a stressful one for me. I feel way out of my comfort zone letting a man pay, and I want it to be in my comfort zone.

    Do I wait until the subject comes up? Do I assume he will pay?

  5.  #5Starla on May 29, 2012 at 10:23 am

    I don’t want to be a magnet yet. I’ve been a magnet before and I wasn’t ready for it.

    I want to hide like April Rose:)

  6.  #6Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 10:26 am

    ((((Sirens)))) – I’ve missed you! Feels good to be back for a little bit. 🙂

    I’ve been taking a break from the blog and it felt great.

    I feel guilty for taking a break from the blog, because I love reading and responding to other Sirens, but sometimes I feel needy for some pure “me” time and some pure “me” processing.

    It feels curious that I feel guilty for neglecting others to take care of myself. I want to stop feeling guilty for doing good and feeling good and being good.

    Sometimes I feel “too good” and so I try to make myself less than I am just to fit in. I don’t have to fit in! All that I am has NEVER fit in, nor will she, because she is far too amazing to “fit in.”

    Regarding this post – it feels so good to be a man magnet! and I AM a man magnet! (all my nvs need to shut up and eat the yummy cookies my pvs baked them!)

    I feel powerful when men surround me and I feel overwhelmed by all the attention.

    I feel so good that I’ve been obsessing less and loving myself more than any man.

  7.  #7Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I feel scared around a new guy to whom I feel attracted.

    (it feels curious that I never feel scared of guys that I’m not initially attracted to…)

    He has a beautiful smile, but he moves around a lot, like it is difficult for him to stay still, which makes me feel a little nervous. also, he doesn’t have the best eye contact?

    Like, he’ll look at me (or anyone) but then he looks away. It makes me feel a little shaky.

    but I still feel extremely attracted to him. It is his smile. His smile is huge and it makes me feel warm and curious.

    any one have any experience with extremely hyper guys with who aren’t great with eye contact?

    I’m wondering if he just doesn’t have ADHD and a little shyness when it comes to looking at beautiful women like myself…

    also, why do I feel scared?

    I feel hesitant.
    I feel a little grumpy with these feelings of uncertainity.

    also, SeenmecryCD talked to me for the first time in a long time. I’ve been majorly leaning back because of his gf. It made me feel so happy that he was happy and excited and wanting to talk to me. I felt really, really happy and excited to be talking to him again.

    and then, after we were done talking, I felt angry.

    He missed my energy, and when he wanted it back, I just gave it to him, easily.

  8.  #8Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    hi Iamabutterfly!

  9.  #9Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 10:51 am

    butterfly re: 7
    My first impression is that it’s due to shyness…if he is warm otherwise…

    And your fear may be because he is genuinely interested in you and could be a real thing…and THAT is scary to me although I do want it….

    But listen to your gut, it will always tell you…

    Radlove I would want to know before I travel if the man is paying esp for something that pricey.

    If you stay close to home for the first date and meet him for coffee or something casual then you won’t feel let down or pressured and there is no loss on your part as far as gas $$ etc….

    Not that I’m saying he will stand you up, but I have driven to meet a guy in the past and he stood me up and I was so irritated with myself. I only drove about 30 min but STILL….fuming.

    Maybe keep it short and say
    “oh I feel excited and open to meet you in person. It would feel best to meet close to my home area. I feel uncomfortable driving that distance. What do you think?”

    The fears come up that oh no…that may mean I wont meet him at all!! Well so be it…I know easy for me to say…but I have had men INSIST on travelling to pick me up driving an hour to get me and then and hour to go out and then an hour to drop me off….and so I know there are men that DO that!! I have to remind myself that it’s ok to want that.

    Sorry for the long post it’s just that it really speaks to me cuz I struggle with this all the time.

  10.  #10Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 10:53 am

    am I disrespecting myself for allowing him to talk to me whenever he feels like it?

    I feel guilty for enjoying talking with him so much.

    I want to get my energy out of there!

    I don’t want to be his friend or his backburner girl or his anything!

    I want to be his girl or nothing!

    I want to be THE girl for countless men!

    I want men to fight over me and I want to them to feel CRUSHED when I finally choose one man, the best man that I can possibly have, because I am the best woman!

    I feel angry that I don’t yet completely believe this about myself and I feel angry that men don’t already think this about me!

    I have to feel it about myself first.

    I bought this book on amazon, and I think I’m going to like it:

  11.  #11Megan on May 29, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Rori is right-

    I recently celebrated my 26th bday, I had just flew back into town from visiting my dying grandmother, it was a stressful, draining week and I had come down with a sinus cold and my energy was low and my face was puffy. I pulled through the night with one of those horrible energy drinks and was determined to enjoy my birthday!
    I immediately spotted this realllly cute guy from across the bar we were at, and we made eye contact. I forgot about him for the rest of the night but approached him a couple hrs later as I was walking up to the bar and with childlike enthusiasm and a big smile, told him it was my birthday. He stared for a min and then slowly gave me the sweetest most tender kiss on the cheek! I had no idea what he was about to do! I could have melted into a puddle right there! This was 2 wks ago yet I replay it over and over in my head, so strange to think that all it took was a smile! Despite unfortunate circumstances he def made the bday one to remember <3

  12.  #12Starla on May 29, 2012 at 10:59 am

    i’m about 3 impulses away from texting cf
    the impulses are just me trying to distract myself from my own anxieties.

    i wish i could shake this guy out of my head!
    or he would come back to me!

    i hate feeling like i’ve lost my soulmate.
    i feel so connected to him still.
    i’m scared i’ll just feel this way until he comes back. that he is definitely coming back and that’s why i feel like THIS.
    I don’t want to be on the hook:(
    I hate him right now:(

  13.  #13Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 11:02 am

    @8 Emerson – aw, hi Emerson! It felt great to get feedback from you. 🙂

    you know what I feel sure that my gut is telling me?

    I feel ready for a break from men.

    I feel tired of wondering about them.

    but, maybe I’m not wondering about THEM so much as I am to my responses to them, which could actually be a good thing.

    Wow, that feels good to consider!

    It would feel good to pour all the energy back onto myself.

    It would feel empowering to take the focus completely off of men and their responses to me, and my responses to them

    (even if my responses could teach me things about myself, it would feel helpful to not even consider those until I am at an emotionally healthier place in my life) and to just focus soley on ME and my relationship with GOD.

  14.  #14Emerson on May 29, 2012 at 11:09 am

    13 Aww lamabutterfly reading what you wrote is beautiful and you are so inspiring….

    I love it!

    hmm I just had a missed all from a phone number that I kind of recognize but not sure who it is. I hate that! No message but I don’t want to call it back….grr

  15.  #15Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 11:11 am

    @11 Megan – this made me feel warm. I have a lovely memory of meeting a friend of one of my guy friends.

    all I remember is him looking at me with this rare kind of gentleness, and then seeing him bend down (what was he doing?!!?) and just gently kissing my elbow.

    When I remember it now, I feel so thankful and humbled and moved and touched and curious. I must’ve been 17 at the time, and the man was much older, probably in his mid-to-late twenties…

    The kiss didn’t feel creepy or forward or wrong any way. It felt tender and comforting and curious and a little strange.

    Who else can say that a sweet stranger tenderly kissed their elbow in a non-creepy way?

    I never saw him again…

  16.  #16Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 11:18 am


    Thank you so much for your input! I feel really cared for by you! I feel bad when I hear apologies for long posts. You are wonderful!

  17.  #17Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 11:20 am

    wow, I feel so much right now! I feel sad and tender.

    I feel forgiveness towards myself and all the hatred I had for myself (I hate to say it’s still there a little bit )which I don’t even know why I had or have, and it feels so sad, but it also feels so strange and beautiful.

    I feel young and immature, but also precious and open and healing.

    I feel so scared of a suspicion I have of being taken advantage of sexually at some point in my life. I don’t know why I have this suspicion, but I feel as though my innocence was stolen from me by someone, or by multiple people.

  18.  #18Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 11:23 am

    “being tender and open is beautiful. as a woman, i feel continually shhh’ed. too sensitive. too mushy. too wishy washy. blah blah. don’t let someone steal your tenderness. don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart.

    nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all- look around you.

    all of this is for you. take it and have gratitude. give it and feel love.”

    –Zooey Deschanel

  19.  #19Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 11:30 am

    So any input on an sms i’m writing:

    I feel smiling. I can imagian it feels a little hard being totelly sunburned. I feel thankfull. I feel only a little sore here and there. Should feel nice to follow some saturday now soon 🙂 Hugs”

  20.  #20Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 11:31 am

    @14 Emerson – 🙂
    @12 Starla – I know I’ve said this before, but reading through your healing process feels so healing for me. I love that you still care. (it shows a real depth of feeling.) I love how you go back and forth. (it shows effort and surrender.) I love your frank honesty about it. (it shows your humanity.)


  21.  #21Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 11:44 am

    RadLove was the communication over the phone? I prefer your second response just that I would include “what do you think”. To see if he would organize a plan to meet before Nascar. If it happens I would want to want to know how it feels to be a Nascar driver and and take it from there about the crowds the exhilaration of the cheers to finding out about tickets for entrance. I imagine him being there it would easy for him to obtain rather than you standing on a long line in the hot sun the day of.

  22.  #22Starla on May 29, 2012 at 11:46 am

    thanks lama
    i feel accepted reading that. i’ve been feeling a lot of pressure (internal and external) to ‘move on’
    but i also don’t want to ignore my feelings.

    fuuuuuuuuuuck i hate this, i hate him today so bad. what is a girl in love to do?

    also, i will totally be okay!

  23.  #23Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Blast it! I feel frustrated! I feel like swearing! I am trying to process so that when I feel disappointed by (yet another) man, I just look at it positively, as Einstein did when he kept trying hundreds of ways to invent a light bulb. Well it is just one more way that doesn’t work. But I feel weary of dating and being single. Vampire scream!

    He said: no i am going to watch the races, i really want to meet you , but i always in delaware and maryland easternshore area working, i dont have the freedom to just get up leave i am married so is kind of diifficult

    I said: I feel disappointed. It would have felt better to know from the door you are married. I don’t want to pursue this. Thanks anyway.

  24.  #24Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 12:08 pm


  25.  #25Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    @23 Radlove – I feel proud of you for responding the way you did! It took courage, and I hope you’ll feel that courage, and eventually feel proud of yourself. (((Radlove)))

  26.  #26Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Well, I can be thankful that asking Nascar to come to me weeded him out! He’s turning into a straight A$$hole now! Look what he said:

    “sorry babe, any nude pics?”

  27.  #27Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    …a crap I forgott “what do you think?”..darn

  28.  #28Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Maybe ask for his wife’s email so you can send the whole conversation thread

  29.  #29lk on May 29, 2012 at 12:37 pm


    your “suspicion” resonates with me…

    i have been noticing recently that i am willing to believe or allow the possibility that instead of actually physically being victimized, i gained a feeling of victimization by exposure to all the scare-stories about how weak & vulnerable & endangered women are….

    like… the Idea that “women are being oppressed & violated” is an oppressive & violent idea that actually hurts women!

    & actually i intend to choose to believe that most every action is an act of love, even when it doesn’t feel like that. it might not be “love toward you” … it might be “love toward my family” that looks like stealing from you. or it could be “love toward my violent father” that looks like repeating his crimes, or it could be “love for humanity” that looks like exaggerating crime stories so that people feel the fear & take precautions…. just pondering : ) what do you think?

  30.  #30Anais on May 29, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I love this magnet metaphor.. I do feel like a man-magnet from using Rori’s tools since the beginning of the year. it’s just been raining men for me ever since. I went to a club with my friends on Saturday and four guys wanted my number and two offered to buy me drinks..they were all a few years younger. One of them said I looked like a star and a goddess….talk about stroking my ego ^^; The conducter on the train on the way also flirted with me asking if he could party with me lol. I never used to get so much attention all at once in clubs, and this year is the first one in awhile I’ve had guys on the street flirt a lot or ask for my number at other random times. . I have heard from all of the guys from Sat but they live too far and i’m not a fan of long distance from prior experience…and i know none of them are my Mr Right. But it’s all from being present in my body, being more positive, “leaning back” and using FM’s. it feels magical that every week this year without really trying I’ve had dates or some sort of interaction with men. I never felt so powerful and confident about my love life.

  31.  #31Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    @26 Radlove – if I got a response like that, this is what I would say:

    “I feel turned on reading that, but I also feel offended. I don’t just want to be appreciated for my body, I want to be appreciated for who I am as well. I feel a little cheap and objectified getting a comment like that so early on in a relationship. What do you think?”

    I actually really liked how he said, “sorry babe.”

    Wow, I feel surprised.
    I feel more open.
    I feel like I would’ve completely shut down before when getting a comment like that…

  32.  #32Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    I feel triggered by the expression “stroked my ego.” It feels empty to me. It feels physical and prideful, in a bad way.

    I don’t want to be an ego stroker for men. I feel as though I have been a “mere” ego stroker for men, and that memory feels so icky…

  33.  #33Starla on May 29, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    umm my company just gave me a 17% paycut=/

    good thing i didn’t buy a fancy car yet. i wouldn’t be able to make the payments.

  34.  #34Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:52 pm


    27 – “…a crap I forgott “what do you think?”..darn”

    Sometimes to vary my speech patterns with a man…or if I forgot 🙂 … I will wait 5 or 10 min (if it’s a text or email) and then write, “What do you think?” It works well.

  35.  #35Megan on May 29, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    @ lamabutterfly,

    so cool that we share this same dreamy experience!
    I was hoping to hear the plot unfold as it was a friend of a friend…feel kind of sad to hear you never saw him again.

    this guy plays soccer for my uni, he was actually recruited from England he is so good! *sigh*
    I am hoping (I think) to run into him again, although, thru a bit of “research” I found out he has a gf! sort of puts a spin on the whole thing!

    loved your quote from Zooey, I consider myself a bit of a romantic and it is hard not to fantasize the possible outcomes of this romantic encounter!

  36.  #36Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm


    Bummer, sorry to hear that. 🙁 Did you wear your cowboy boots yet?

  37.  #37lk on May 29, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    i had a dream that CD was looking at pxrn on the internet… he had rows of windows to choose from…. & they were all different live women….. & the music started & he was opening one of the windows & i saw over his shoulder & was like, “please stop ! i really don’t want that. it feels so bad” & he was like, “later, i’m busy”

    ok, well i take my dreams Seriously ! so i told him about my dream & i felt really sad & weird about it & we had to chat about it a few times (he thinks it’s hilarious that he would possibly have time/energy for anything outside of what we do & work)… & finally i got “over” it…..

    well, flipping saturday AM rolls around… he gets out of bed… i’m in the bedroom…. hear him turn his computer on, turn the volume down, & then i hear BOW CHICKA WOW WOW music… ! right ? …. so i’m all, play it cool, lk, just play it cool….. & then i hear typing ! like he is chatting !!! WTF ! RIGHT ??

    so i go in & briefly catch a glimpse of his computer screen —- with rows of windows ! just like the “live webcam” site that i dreamed about !!!

    But, he gets right up & comes over & is all sweet & kissing me & offering me things & telling me he got out of bed because he needs to take a shower….. & i’m still all salty & weird……..

    so he is still trying to sweeten me up, so he goes, “want to help me pick a new album ? ” & grabs his computer & definitely the rows of “chat windows” are album covers & definitely the “pxrn music” was just normal itunes jamz……

    so, in conclusion, i know nothing about the “meaning” of my own dreams, even when they seem to happen identically to reality.

  38.  #38Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    I made an especially good pina colada smoothie with pineapple juice, coconut milk, 1 scoop of SlimQuick protein powder, honey, and ice. Yum!

  39.  #39Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 12:56 pm


    32 – I don’t like that expression either. When I compliment a man, I like to think of it that I affirmed his self esteem. Men struggle with that, too, altho they aren’t as quick to admit it.

  40.  #40lk on May 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    ((((Starla)))) that is shocking & must feel terrible : ((

    HOWEVER, i’d just like to direct your attention right back to that gorgeous girl Lizka & the way she just did the 180 on “rejection”-feeling situations at work…. : )

  41.  #41Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Hi, Lk. 🙂 It feels good to interact with you again! I was wondering about you today, and I even copied and pasted the feeling adjectives you put up a while ago. 🙂

    I feel a little triggered by the idea that “women are being oppressed & violated” is “merely” an oppressive and violent idea. I tend to believe it is true, because I have felt oppressed and violated, at the very least on an emotional level.

    Like, I felt emotionally “raped” by the guy who broke my heart. I felt this addictive fear/thrill whenever I thought he was in the room. Like I could feel the presence of his body without even seeing he was in there. It felt like a pressurized sensation.

    I missed that feeling when he left town for good, and didn’t feel it again until I was at a 24 hour drug store late one night and felt that feeling again upon seeing a “strange” man.

    The feeling was identical. Dangerous and addictive and scary. I still don’t understand those feelings to this day…

    I feel connected to the sentiment in your last paragraph. But it makes me feel sad, because it shows how warped love can become. Love wasn’t meant to be warped. Love was meant to be pure and whole and holy.

    What do you think?

  42.  #42Starla on May 29, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    lk, everyone took the pay cut, no rejection here:)
    they actually love us and don’t want to lay us off.
    it’s just unfortunate. they’re very transparent with us and our company is losing huge money right now.

    i will start to look for other jobs maybe

  43.  #43Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    For people who enter this inner world, the world of inquiry, jobs become secondary. Freedom is everything. Jobs come, jobs go, and you’re not dependent on that. Freedom is what we all want, and it’s what we already are. And once you have inquiry, you can be as ambitious as you want in your job, you can shoot for the moon, because you can no longer fail. You realize that the worst that can happen is a concept.

    ~Byron Katie

  44.  #44Starla on May 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    wow, no freaking way

    just like that, i got offered a job somewhere else.

  45.  #45lk on May 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    starla, i feel very connected to my workplace as well & i appreciate that they want everyone to “be OK”….

    it feels really difficult to decide to leave …… more so for you, i imagine, since you’ve been there so long !

    i’ve been…. “thinking about” doing something different…. i feel juicy & curious about it right now actually : )

    thank you for sharing with us : ) i’ll be thinking of you : )

  46.  #46Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm


    26 – I appreciate the feedback, but I felt turned off because I felt ignored after I said, “I do not wish to pursue this.”

    I responded, “A$$hole!” That is something very rare for me. I feel angry because he didn’t tell me up front he was married. I wasted my precious Siren energy on him. Sure, I got practice, but my original profile was obviously that of a quality, single woman…not someone just out for sex with a married man.

  47.  #47lk on May 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    lol, starla…. see ?????? you are a GEM & the universe knows it : )

  48.  #48Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 1:17 pm


    25 – Thank you!

  49.  #49Starla on May 29, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    yeah it’s incredible. i’ve made quite a name for myself and people know and want me. i forget sometimes that i’m a public figure and sometimes my name comes up at dinner tables, hahah silly starla

    omg, how i forget sometimes!!

  50.  #50Iamabutterfly on May 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    @35 Megan – wow, that feels so curious to me. Feels sad that he has a girlfriend. I wonder what that kind of thing means to a man? Non-romantically kissing a woman in a tender way? feels SO curious…

  51.  #51lk on May 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    iamabutterfly, it feels nice to write to you again too!!

    i do feel curious about what is More True or what paints a more accurate picture or whatever….. i’m having trouble with “facts” or “data” lately, though………… they feel SO SOFT to me right now….. like…. math feels like oil paint : ) no longer like a metal ruler….. : )))))

    so now i’m thinking of how passionate i’ve felt…. i’ve felt so Angry !!! at times, thinking, oh how could they do this to us ! …… i’ve been angry about fashion. angry about media. angry about sexualized children. angry about false nutrition information. angry about convoluted bureaucratic controls….

    & mostly i feel angry, because i feel scared !

    & really, not very many men want to “hurt me” — actually, none that i can think of. even a very “toxic” man who was no good at all for me to date… who put me in danger… who was unkind to me…. he never meant to hurt me. he cares about me & feels tenderly toward me & i do not think he ever ever thought he was hurting me. i think he thought he was getting something good for himself. i think he was trying to get love that he was afraid to actually “work for” & that he sees “love” as a give-to-get situation…. & he thought he was an empty abyss & i was a free lunch.

    that’s what i think. i think it’s all love. the parts that look “dark” & “unloving” or even “cruel” are just the tumbling – like the wave…kisses the sand as far as it can reach…… & tumbles back on itself in a tearing, chaotic scream in the opposite direction…..

    maybe if we move really slowly….. & become totally consumed by the desire to understand, then maybe the “scream” sounds more like a lullaby : )

  52.  #52Starla on May 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    gosh i am noticing how my line of thinking wants to turn ‘fatal’ and ‘dramatic’ about taking such a drastic pay cut, and also noticing how i am just observing it and not ‘indulging’ it.

    i am really blessed and my life is magic. seriously. nothing to fret about yet.

  53.  #53Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Cdjim answered my sms, less then 2 hours from when I sent it.

    Argh, dammit:

    “We can try go there some saturday now soon 🙂 Hug”

    I guess he just keeps playing along with e using his exact words, now he do it to me 😛

    I did earlier talk to a medium, about myself and this man.

    She said something; “Now its time for you to just sit naked with arms and legs around each others body, and just look into each others eyes and connect by soul”

    OMG that feels scary to do, sit naked and just look him deep into his eyes, not speak, not touch, just being there…so yeah I know it is a good thing to do.

  54.  #54Jenny on May 29, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    34 @ Radlove. Thanks, that is a good advice.

    46 @ Radlove says:

    I responded, “A$$hole!” That is something very rare for me. I feel angry because he didn’t tell me up front he was married. I wasted my precious Siren energy on him. Sure, I got practice, but my original profile was obviously that of a quality, single woman…not someone just out for sex with a married man.”

    well sometimes it does feel good to just let your bitch out and let her say such thing.

  55.  #55Megan on May 29, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    re #50


    it was sad, at first. it brought awareness to my NVs, I was beating myself up over being “second best” when, really, she simply could have beaten me to the punch!

    I am in no way wanting or advocating trying to compete with the gf but, just bc he’s with her doesn’t mean she’s better. It means he met her first and they had a connection…but you never know.

    Rori would cringe at the idea of me holding out hope and obsessing over this 1 guy, which I am not trying to do but the same thoughts do occupy my mind-

    – you say non-romantic but it felt so…can a kiss on the cheek be romantic?
    he def paused, as if contemplating, and did it anyway.
    Perhaps it was an excuse to kiss a pretty girl- her birthday…
    I am curious as well…

  56.  #56lk on May 29, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    i was telling cd that i was worrying about a few things………. & he goes, “oh, does that work?”

    & i go, “….. does what work ?”

    him: “worrying”

    me: ah – ha : )

    i’m “worrying” a lot lately… & i am OK !!! : )

    & i hug myself & don’t worry about any of it


    that’s good advice. you always “made the right decision” – don’t question yourself. you did great & you’re doing great & you’ll do great !

  57.  #57Starla on May 29, 2012 at 3:16 pm


  58.  #58lilybelly on May 29, 2012 at 3:44 pm


    Absolutely, a kiss on the cheek can be romantic. Oh H3ll yes!

  59.  #59Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    I am a Man Magnet. I love it!

    Speaking of which, I am imagining myself “magnetizing” a man – tonight! lol. That would be so great, wouldn’t it? I have no plans to see anyone. I just happen to have a free night, and darnit, I feel like it would be so sweet and lovely to spend it with a man. Specifically, it would be sweet and lovely if the Mountain Man decided to spend it with me. BUT…I don’t want to do anything. It’s really only been a few days since the weekend. What if he’s still recovering? What if it’s not “time” yet? What if I really need this time and space to myself, to take care of *myself*? Well, then I guess I better just take it then!

    Seems to me that I often feel like I “want someone” when really all that’s happening is I have a pocket of free time and I’m afraid to spend it alone.

    Not that I don’t spend time alone. I spend lots of time alone. I am alone in my house right now…But evenings alone. Weekends alone. I hate that. bleh. : p

    I also just feel randy with hormones, which is true, too. It always happens right before my period. I desire sex more, and usually get more orgasms.

    Again, I don’t want to *do* anything. I feel tempted to text the Mountain Man, just to see if he’d be willing to “accommodate” me. I’m sure he’d be happy to. But on the other hand, I don’t want to make myself a booty call. And I don’t want him to feel like I am just getting him to do stuff for me. I want him to “offer.” And I want him to feel in control. And plus, I just “leaned forward” with him yesterday. I have to give him the chance to come toward me and make the next first move….

    Which will happen, because…I am a Man Magnet. : )

  60.  #60Lizka on May 29, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Sally – from last post.

    Thank you for your answer! I read it too late unfortunately but it’s a super good idea for next time it happens. If it happens 🙂

    lk – 🙂

  61.  #61Rebecca on May 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Feeling fat and frumpy… Argh.. Wanting to tone up and lose a stone in weight. Feeling sad and depressed. Feeling tense in my back. Feel that losing weight would change my life. Men would find me attractive.

    When I lost weight a few years ago a few of my male friends commented that they would fancy me now.. Lol.. This feels very painful, like I am not good enough. I think I am never going to change or like myself the way I am… I feel frumpy… Men pick up on this I am sure..

    How do I change my image. I feel angry that I will never change… So angry… Arrggghhhh….

  62.  #62Starla on May 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Rebecca, men find you attractive when you lose weight because you find yourself attractive.

    i am working on losing a stone too. what’s stopping you?

  63.  #63Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Argh. I have a friend (a woman – long-distance friend), who leans forward with guys LIKE CRAZY. I’ve been doing my best to gently talk to her about Rori type stuff, letting guys come to you and all that. But it’s the same thing every time. And every time, I cringe, because I know it’s not going to work out for her and she’s going to get her heart broken, and she always does. Owch. 🙁

    Of course, I also admire her. She has a lot of moxie. She sometimes says things to guys that I would never do or say, and say what I might, I admire her because she really has no shame or guilt about her “leaning forward.” She doesn’t know that that’s what she is doing….and sometimes it works out for her. But usually in the short run. *sigh*

    What can I do? I don’t want to tell her that she is “wrong.” Not anymore than I should be telling a guy that he is wrong. And I’m not perfect all the time, either. I do my best to support her. It’s just that, knowing what I know, it is so painful to watch!!!

    Wow. Just had to share that here, because I know I can’t share it with her the same way….(((hugs to my friend)))

  64.  #64Starla on May 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Just venting about the pay cut i got today. feel free to comment or just skip entirely.

    Woah I feel numb and weird about how my job just took away 1/5 of my pay. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me at a job before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Angry at the bosses for making poor proposals? They owned up to every bit of it repeatedly in the meeting today. It’s our choice if we want to stay and continue to receive a paycheck from them while they attempt to recover from their mistakes.

    Now I’m having thoughts of going into my boss’ office in the morning and asking if there’s anything I can do to help see our company out of this slump. He hasn’t asked me to talk to my assistant yet about cutting her hours, but I know he will so maybe I could go in and ask him about how to speak to her about it…

    The morale in the office was extremely low this afternoon and it was a heavy blow for us to all take. I am wondering if we shouldn’t start all working TOGETHER at every level to improve our revenues, instead of sitting back and hoping the ‘big boys’ who run the show get us work to do? We could all offer to do what we can and brainstorm fresh ideas. I know the owners of the company would appreciate it and be receptive to whatever we have to offer. I just get the feeling no one wants to work much harder since we’re getting paid a whoooole lot less. And the mgmt doesn’t want to ask us to work any harder, of course.

    Gosh, I don’t know… I have some choices to make. Stay or go. Stay and work harder for a small research firm with big fancy clients I’ve been a part of for 6 years, and see it succeed and reap the eventual benefits, or go before i’m really ready to start a new job and watch the company sink from afar.

    This company’s been good to me. They saw me through college and attended my symphony concerts. They wined and dined me and always showed me support in personal life. This would feel like a much easier decision if I worked for an impersonal corporation with an HR department. I was never just a cog to them. I wasn’t Project Manager (or Research Assistant before that), but Starla.

    Ohh I feel so sad. This feels so different from just wanting to work somewhere else. I don’t want to see the company fail! They’ve been in business for 20 years! The owners have our logo tattooed on their ankles!

  65.  #65Femininewoman on May 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Rebecca you get to decide

  66.  #66Sassy on May 29, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Starla, re the job-sorry about the paycut, I understand that as it happened to me in March, awesome about the offer for a new job, are you seriously considering it?
    As for the frustration/sadness/I’m still addicted to this cf man, I am sooooo right there with you.
    I discovered something about myself today, it would appear that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. The characteristics that apply to this disorder, for the most part, fit me to a “T”
    and this explains soooo much about my life and what I’ve been going thru and facing lately. Wow, it feels good/scary/relief and what am I gonna do now???
    Radlove-sooo sorry about this latest cd, but you are moving forward so beautifully!
    LK, so good to see you posting again, you have absolutely wonderful expressions of thoughts.

  67.  #67Sassy on May 29, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Starla, I have always felt strongly and truly believe that you should always do what you love and the money will follow.

  68.  #68Starla on May 29, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    Sassy, I love too many things hehe
    I will figure this out:)
    I just feel shocked!

    And I feel impressed with myself that I have savings in the bank and a side business. Wow, I really got good at this financial independence thing! Hahaaaa I want to CELEBRATE!

  69.  #69Starla on May 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I am thinking now about how I would be handling this differently with CF or MyGuy or A or D in my life. I might be taking it harder, and counting on him to comfort me and make it okay. Yikes.

    Today I turned to my friends and I got a variety of responses. But the most important one was my own.

    My identity gets so wrapped up in my men that I don’t take care of myself and feel and think and choose an attitude for myself. I tend to just fall apart and either take a victim role or just act really squirrely because i feel unsure of the ‘correct’ way to act in his presence when i’m dealing with some bad news.

    It feels really good to be able to see how i *really* handle things without being under the influence of mancrack. I actually handle things pretty good!

    contrasting how I am handling things now with how i handled things with men in the picture is painting a very needy picture of the Old Starla.

    I am realizing now that I was being needy because I wanted them to prove they care for me when bad things happen to me, not because i was actually in need of comfort as a direct result of the bad thing happening!! And that right there is built on a whole lot of expectations! Oh wow

    ((((((((((((((((all my old bf’s)))))))))))))))))))

    aww Starla, i forgive you
    thank you, universe, for providing me with these lessons!

  70.  #70sensual on May 29, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I have a question: how much would you advise “doing” when the man you’re dating is sick?

    I’ve been dating a guy for 5/6 weeks, its not felt easy at all however due to him having a lot of issues over a recent breakup. Sometimes. He pushes and pulls with me, so we are casual though I feel him do the relationship dance when I pull back he comes forward and vice versa. Right now he is very sick with flu. This morning he lent me his car and when I returned it he looked awful, I asked if hed like me to get him anything, chicken soup? He declined but later texted me saying “thankyou for the chicken soup offer earlier, that was nice of you”. I said aww that makes me smile, thanked him for lending the car. He said he felt like he was dying, so I said I feel bad that he’s so sick and that if he does want the chicken soup or anything then please feel free to ask.

    He is also supposed to help me move house tomorrow. To move my bed in his truck and I was looking forward to receiving the help but now I feel I’ll have to not ask him and instead ask someone else

  71.  #71sensual on May 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I mean he didn’t reply to the last message so I don’t think I’ll go over there with chicken soup. But how often would you text or initiate offers when they are sick? And maybe I won’t ask for his help with the bed now even though he offered last week

  72.  #72Starla on May 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Going to the gym for the 5th day in a row, wow! It might actually be 6 days, but I can’t remember for certain.

  73.  #73Radlove on May 29, 2012 at 7:00 pm



  74.  #74Starla on May 29, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    you could just tell him the truth. that you feel really anxious about being able to move, and you know he’s sick so you feel totally guilty even bringing it up and you’re actually feeling all frozen and unsure wondering how to ask if he can still help you tomorrow.

    “[Name], I’m feeling really guilty about something… I know you are sick right now so I don’t even want to bring it up… and I’m also feeling really anxious about being able to move and I’m actually feeling all frozen and confused right now wondering if it’s ‘okay’ to ask if you can still please help me tomorrow=/ What do you think?”

    That is probably what I would say, but that’s my own style.

    then you’ll have your answer.

  75.  #75ReceivingGirl on May 29, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    I haven’t had time to read the blog. Been packing for my vacation. I leave tomorrow morning.

    Mr. Observant has been calling me every day and we talk for a couple hours. It’s nice to know he thinks about me often. He says he really enjoys talking with me.

    Well, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to check in while on vacation, so I wish everyone a wonderful week!

  76.  #76Emoticon on May 29, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Thank you Rori…. I love the recent frequency of posts 🙂 Today is my LUCKY day.

    My first day at work was great.
    My sister sent me $500.
    This new guy I met paid for my lunch.
    I got a surprise $26 on my paypal.
    Rori put up a new post.
    I got all my grroming done so quickly tonight and that means I can treat myself to a great night’s rest.

  77.  #77Emoticon on May 29, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Rori, if I pay for the membership after the teleclass has passed…. will it become available to me? Also would the previous ones become available also?

  78.  #78Starla on May 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Yay emoticon, I feel very happy to read of all your good fortune:)

  79.  #79Starla on May 29, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    i think i am actually the happiest i’ve ever been… which is weird because everything i cared about most is in shambles now – CF, grad school, my job…

    the universe has been SCREAMING at me to change direction from where I am now. It’s wiped my whole slate completely clean. I feel excited to tune in and see where my heart and the universe take me.

  80.  #80Starla on May 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    Thank you, Starla, for doing yoga
    Thank you for running two miles
    Thank you for eating
    Thank you for preparing me healthy food to eat
    Thank you for washing my face
    Thank you for flossing my teeth
    Thank you for drinking acv
    Thank you for giving me my lung health supplement pills BEFORE the allergy/asthma attacks start this season, yay you remembered! hehe

  81.  #81Starla on May 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Thank you for buying me drinking water
    Thank you for booking my laser hair removal appointment (sorry I kept putting that off – I don’t know what I was so scared of!)

    I love me. I just want to hug me.

    nite sirens

  82.  #82Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Wow, I *AM* a man magnet! This is real! lol

    Of course, I didn’t exactly “attract” a man “into my bed” tonight, much less any specific man. But actually, I had so much stuff to keep me busy, that I’m super glad that didn’t happen! If it had, it probably would have thrown me off balance, and distracted me from important work and attending to clients and myself.

    I got up really early and had a productive day today, and that feels great. My dance class was cancelled, but I still took the same hour that I would have danced and just practiced in my living room. I rehearsed old routines, and it felt so good to remember. But I also noticed how much I feel changed since I learned those! I feel so much Older, less naive, somehow. Even though it’s only been a few months since December….hm…

    I heard from a lot of guys today, but interestingly enough, the Mountain Man wasn’t one of them. Not that I’m worried. I know he has a big project at work, and I imagined that he was in “work mode,” and so therefore not texting me. But that I was there, in his mind – he was so totally thinking about me. Because I am gorgeous. And Sexy. And Interesting and Appealing, and oh so Very Captivating. He can’t NOT think about me. In fact, he’s just about going crazy thinking about when he can see me next, he just wants to play it cool and not have it be too soon.

    And TBH, I feel grateful for that! If there’s one lesson I learned from dating Vman it is that it is entirely possible to burn a relationship out too quickly if you try to do it all too soon. Just because you want to see someone all the time right away doesn’t mean you should. People need time to adjust, men and women.

    But speaking of Vman, I don’t feel I care very much about it now, but it seems we are having a very friendly email chat. I keep responding to him, and he keeps responding back. Ha!

    It’s so funny. I am getting all kinds of love and attention from all kinds of different places. Tonight, while getting ready to dance, I even remembered a guy or two that I’d been interested in that I have literally forgotten through the masses of men that have been interested in me! It feels great! I know that with all this good energy, and with me being able to better discern who I am and what I truly want, I am DEFINITELY going to start attracting the right Guy for me by being the right Me for me. yay! 🙂

  83.  #83Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Yay, Starla!

  84.  #84Lucy on May 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Radlove, so sorry about Asscar. Hugs.

  85.  #85Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    Ugh. Radlove, I just read #23. That is gross. Ew. and the nude pics – double ew.

    Forget about the a$$holes (I know – hard to forget). Or if not forget, ignore them. concentrate on What You Want.

    And btw, I believe you meant Edison. Edison invented the light bulb. Einstein was the Theory of Relativity. But I knew what you meant… : )

  86.  #86Tereana on May 29, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    Asscar – LOL!!! 😀

  87.  #87Daria on May 30, 2012 at 12:48 am

    back in cali, feelin tired. was able to focus on me int he car w dad

    neer did that before

    feelin poopsed

  88.  #88Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 1:52 am

    Starla – I don’t know why i find it so difficult. I guess it just doesn’t come naturally to me and I have to work hard at it – and that makes me feel tired and stressed all the time. Sort of all or nothing. Other people I know seem to find living a healthy lifestyle so natural. I wish I could be like them. I admit I do comfort eat a lot. I was always brought up to make sure I ate well and I guess that is ingrained inside me.

    Also, I used to live with a friend who had a different body shape to mine. She was petite but very slim hips etc. Men used to flock to her. She only had to walk into a room and she had their attention. I was very jealous as I had never known attention like that. Plus it didn’t matter how she treated them they would flock back… I guess that has stayed imprinted in my mind… Maybe I should use that image to work harder at the gym…

  89.  #89Daria on May 30, 2012 at 2:43 am

    Rebecca – your friend probably had siren power. the clue is when you say “it didn’t matter how she treated them they would flock back”

    it has nothin to do with actual looks or with workin harder at the gym

    this feels sad 🙁

    i have a pregnant lookin 4 month belly most of the time and i love it and so do men who like me… i just take pictures and carry myself in ways that show off my best assets, and look at myself in the mirror and pose, especially in front of men

    i feel insecure about my looks too… sometimes about my belly sometimes about my butt

    sometimes that im too skinny or that i am too fat

    or mostly that i look just kina – rockery everyday desexualized person – i feel SOOOO self conscious when i think i look like that

    all it takes is an attitude change and im glowing again and looking like a goddess

  90.  #90Daria on May 30, 2012 at 2:44 am

    i meant my favorite assets, not best

  91.  #91Daria on May 30, 2012 at 2:48 am

    im feelin pist!

    i tried to control an outcome and wound up feelin mad

    and then told a man not to call me


    controlling the outcome

    however, it might be a great boundary for me – flake on me no more talking

  92.  #92Emoticon on May 30, 2012 at 3:05 am

    Starla thank you so much 🙂

  93.  #93Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 3:13 am

    Daria – Thanks for your response! It’s soooo hard for me to see that – but I am trying to change.

    A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with body dismorphia – so I guess its something I have to work on.

    Yay Daria! I love women who love their bellies and butt!! I DO secretly love mine!!

    Maybe secretly I don’t want to change – I would only be changing to please a man.. Hmmm?? I feel a bit sick and icky thinking about this… Feel pain in my stomach..

    Arhh.. Let go…

  94.  #94Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 3:17 am

    Starla – thanks for you kind words too! i know I am new to this but All you sirens are a HUGE source of inspiration to me.. ((((((sirens)))))))

  95.  #95Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 3:21 am

    Starla – thanks for these words!

    i am working on losing a stone too. what’s stopping you?

    I need to stop making excuses for myself.. I always have excuses.. Lol

  96.  #96Daria on May 30, 2012 at 3:29 am

    i wrote a rap tho on the social site i get my men at

    its a very agressive rap actually cuz im feelin pist

    it DID help me feel better and thas wassup !

  97.  #97Daria on May 30, 2012 at 3:42 am

    Rebecca – that feels similar to me too

    i probably have some body dysmorphia about my butt

    i want to make it bigger, but i secretly dont cuz i think id be betraying my body, my real butt, my family, my heritage

    makes lil sense my mom has a big butt and i love hers

    i wanna heal this

    cuz i do actually want to be abelto choose what i want to look like wtihout guilt !

  98.  #98Daria on May 30, 2012 at 3:42 am

    im always worried about how it looks, hwo it appears etc

    and its perfectly fine, actually quite big, and jus lovely



  99.  #99Daria on May 30, 2012 at 3:46 am

    wow im amazing!

    i turned my anger into a disrespectful wow rap and it feels exciting!!

    im brave!

    and i channeled the energy!


  100.  #100Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:34 am


    Thanks! Oh yikes, I feel embarrassed…yes, Edison.

  101.  #101Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:35 am


    84 – “Asscar”….LOLOLOLOL! Thanks! 😆

  102.  #102Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:39 am

    April Rose,

    Talk to me, baby! I feel bad you feel angry at me, but it would feel good to discuss it with you.

    I could tell you all my fun episodes with thugs, and that might make you feel better…but I guess I love you and I am trying to spare you the pain I went thru. If you choose to date thugs, I will love you every step of the way. Just wanted to share some of my less pleasant stories.

    I was operating out of my neediness, trust, and vulnerability. I felt powerful having these dangerous men so close that they could crush me, but they didn’t. But I have so many regrets.

  103.  #103Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:41 am


    28 – LOL, I just saw that about sending the whole conversation to his wife! 😆

  104.  #104Lilibee on May 30, 2012 at 4:47 am


    Yeah Radlove,

    I asked Starla to post a pic on FB wearing her funky boots…still waiting.
    I would feel happy to see her enjoying those girly boots 🙂

  105.  #105Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:48 am

    Ok, I’m going to CD myself today! I’m going shopping, and I’m going to shower and dress up imagining I am a princess going out on the town! I’m going to dress very nicely and carry myself like I have all the confidence a woman could ever desire!

    And I’m going to be ultra conscious of smiling and making eye contact with men! And then I will observe how I am treated. I am a Man Magnet today!

    Watch out, world, here I come!

  106.  #106Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:52 am

    Lilibee (& Starla),

    Once I read an article written by an elderly lady, and she listed the things she would do differently if she had it to do over again.

    One of the items on her list was she would take out her fine china and use it every day. She felt sad that it had set unused in the cabinet all her life.

  107.  #107Vi on May 30, 2012 at 5:16 am

    I’ve never experienced lack of attention. But I couuld never handle dating several men at once cos I felt very guilty and stressed out and overwhelmed and cared about THEIR feelings. I dumped several very good guys and married a toxic one… And when I try Magnet tool, I feel scared cos my imagination pictures good handsome mr. Rights and I feel unable to let them close to me.. it feels scary. I feel like keeping them 1/4 mile away… and it also feels exciting – I see my pattern – I cannot let good guys in!
    I feel very very sad for I’ve dumped good guys… I feel like a loser.. I love my sadness.. I love my choices… I love good guys I once dumped… – now I really do.. (is it cos now they are unavailable for me?? :))) Anyway Magnet will definitely be my tool of the week.

  108.  #108Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Go Radlove! 🙂

  109.  #109Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 5:18 am


  110.  #110CurvySiren10 on May 30, 2012 at 5:21 am

    Sounds fun Radlove! Don’t you start your new job some time this week??

  111.  #111Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 5:22 am


    Why don’t you try to switch these thoughts around?

    Instead of saying you’re a loser (because you’re not), try telling yourself you’re a winner.

    Repeat it enough times so it comes naturally to you.

    As soon as the word “loser” comes to mind, replace it with “winner”.

  112.  #112Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 5:23 am

    And from what I read here, dating several guys keeps you from feeling like a loser.

  113.  #113Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 5:24 am


    Enjoy your day, girl! 🙂

  114.  #114Vi on May 30, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Thsnks Francesca, that was just a short moment feeling)) sometimes I wish i found Rory and this blog a couple of years earlier.. 🙂
    Love to you!

  115.  #115Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 5:54 am


    110 – They moved the start date to Monday, June 4th.

  116.  #116Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 5:57 am

    I feel a feeling of fear and dread. I feel that around money, and being payday, I feel it. I want to heal that. I feel excited about life because my money is getting in place. It may not be there yet, but things will get better and better.

    Fear and dread, you tried to protect and warn me in the past, but you are not needed anymore. My boy energy has my girl energy well in hand, and I will take care of you. God will take care of you. You are doing great!

    it’s ok that not everything is perfect yet. It will get better and better. I love you, and just go out with a smile and joy.

  117.  #117CurvySiren10 on May 30, 2012 at 5:57 am

    114- Oh cool Radlove. Gives you a bit more time to get “ready”. Very happy for you. Another very positive change for you!! You’re making great progress! 🙂

  118.  #118Starla on May 30, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Ugh, ladies, I woke up feeling so sad and depressed again. I can’t shake CF out of my head. I have half a mind to try to get him on the telephone, but I am starting to get the feeling that I need to just ride this out and I’ll get to the other side. That my brain itself is just on a feedback loop in the mornings because it doesn’t know anything different. I need to let it run out of steam and NOT give it fuel by walking into some drama-feeling stuff like calling CF.

  119.  #119Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Rebecca – In a email from Andrea Albright she shared how she had a love/hate relationship with her body when she was heavier. As she started to love her body she decided to give her belly a name, it was Bella. The story was so inspiring to me that I adopted that name and would go in front of the mirror shaking my belly and massaging it loving while talking softly to it and jokingly calling it “my Bella”. It helped my mindset a lot and helped me to focus on nourishing my body rather than just eating. I am not yet where I want to be but am certainly a far way away from where I was back then. The lesson for me was to find ways to loving talk to my body parts as I painted myself with love inch by inch.

  120.  #120Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 7:16 am

    …new thoughts about CDJIm.

    and those aint my buisness at all.

    anyway, let say I tell him I cant have sex with him casual anymore – and he gets sad since he is already not having casual sex with me.

    Hmm best prepeare a fm about it if he says something about he thinks we aint haveing casual sex.

    “Aww (BIG smile) I feel happy and a little stupid. I’m sorry I asumed we was only having casual sex. Would feel nice just to take it slow. I have no rush”

    …and then drop it oh and not have sex with him either

  121.  #121Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 7:18 am

    RE 88 Rebecca I would try to remember her attitude and vibe and also the words she used. I am not convinced it was the size of her body that attracted the attention. I believe it was how she carried her body, her swagger, her confidence.

  122.  #122Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Jenny I felt a bit tightened up reading about the assumption. I am wondering if you could find something you could share about having sex when it feels good, fun and relaxing to you. As part of passionately living your life rather than just for pleasure. Don’t know if that mad sense.

  123.  #123Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I am reading Rori’s words All Girls are Man Magnets and wondering how can I sharpen the polarity of my magnetism to travel across the globe? How can a man feel like a man in an old fashioned way while he is around me?

    Imagining myself as a magnet pulling men towards me from every imaginable distance is really empowering. I just love my imagination. I am feeling playful and really girly this morning.

  124.  #124Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 7:43 am


    116 – Thank you! Yes I actually appreciate the extra time to get ready. My schedule is going to be packed after my job starts. I hope to be able to listen to CDs at work. I will relisten to all my Rori CDs! That woman is gifted!

  125.  #125Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Shopping day has to be postponed to tomorrow. 🙁 My check was delayed until tomorrow, probably because of the holiday. Ugh. Oh well, more housework.

  126.  #126Mochaberri on May 30, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Morning Sirens!!!!!! I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. I have been MIA for a little while due to work related situations but things have calmed down.

    Here’s a situation that I encountered recently:

    KR recently celebrated a birthday. I called him and asked if he wanted to go out a get his present. We were having a pretty good time at the mall – he felt like he didn’t have enough time to find anything and suggested that I let him hold my credit card. I gave him a look that suggested that no way in hell would I agree to that. He was shocked that I gave him such a look and said that he would do it for me and trusted me in all aspects except for cheating, He then said that he was joking but couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t trust him to not abuse using my card.

    On our way home he mentioned that he wanted to go have drinks and I reminded him that he still had to pick something up from his co-worker who happens to be a female. His response was that he would not ever think of taking a female to another females house regardless of the connection. If I was his girlfriend it would be different. I was like ok I know that we are not gf and bf but I thought we were better then that and by the way I never said I wanted to go with you I just reminded you that you still had to do that because it was getting late. He suggested that there was nothing going on with him and the female and that she lives with her boyfriend. His reaction was very unexpected and things went to the left from there.

    So after that conversation I mentioned that having that conversation was confusing because minutes ago you told me that you trust me in every way except for cheating and even though we are not together but I feel that you do trust me in that way because you wish to remain friends and have sex with me so I can’t imagine that you would want to continue having sex with me if I was having sex with someone else. He said that he didn’t know about that and was not trying to find out what I was doing. So I then said I feel that you trust that I’m not having sex with anyone because we talked about being sexually exclusive. He told me that he did not agree to being sexually exclusive. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me! But I didn’t get emotional even though I was jelly on the inside I asked him if he was OK with me having sex with other guys since I thought we agreed to be sexually exclusive even though we were not committed. He says he is not sure about that. I then said because if you didn’t agree to it and we are having sex then what we would have is in open relationship – he says he is not saying that and is not going to agree with that.

    And then as always it goes back to my indscretions from 2010 and then he says he doesn’t want to have conversations like this and why can’t I jsut go out and enjoy the moment.


  127.  #127Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Radlove, that’s when I tell myself to “adapt and overcome”.

    Actually, that saying is not from me at all, it’s from Viggo Mortensen but I use it all the time.

  128.  #128Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I wonder if I could use the magnet tool to attract more money into my life.

    Hmmm, why not?

    It’s all about the LOA after all, isn’t it?

  129.  #129Mochaberri on May 30, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I have to go back to “just being present” in the momemt when we are together and cherish the gift of silence and the gift of restraining to combat everything he says

  130.  #130Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 8:20 am

    121@ Femininewoman says

    no, more me starting to feel worried about…what do I do if he already dont see ower sex as casual…and I say we are…

    I’m not assuming anything what he thinks or feel – just trying to get a Fm to all he might say. So I dotn stand there and get panic 😛

    But hmm you are right, I need to put in also how it feels to me to have sex with him..and and also about my life as a passionated female.

  131.  #131Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Mocha sorry but that incident felt yucky to me. It reinforced to me what Rori has said – exclusivity is where problems arise. I believe I would have dropped him like a hot potato as I would automatically assume that he was sleeping with other people. Especially seeing he keeps bringing up my past indiscretion. I don’t think I could have this type of relationship with an ex.

  132.  #132Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Jenny I would take out the line with the apology and the mention about assuming casual sex.

  133.  #133Starla on May 30, 2012 at 8:29 am

    I feel just terrified today.

    I feel scared I’m missing out on romance and I’m passing my prime for life long commitment. And everyone who is left at my age won’t commit and that’s why they’re even single in the first place.

  134.  #134Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 8:31 am


    126 – Adapt and overcome it is!

    The one I learned from K is…

    “There ARE no problems…there are only opportunities for creative solutions.”

  135.  #135Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 8:31 am

    What You Say And What You DON’T Say Can Make A Difference…

    For right now, I want to help you with the “not say.”

    Because, sometimes – often, in fact – NOTHING is the thing to say.

    Sometimes, just letting there be AIR between you, and breathing, and quiet is the way to go.

    Sometimes, you want him to FEEL you instead of HEAR you.

    And – most important – you want to be able to hear the most important voice of all – the ones inside your head that are yelling and doing their best to make you DO something and damage whatever wonderful might be happening in the moment of silence.

    Don’t Be Afraid Of Silence…

    It doesn’t mean he’s not interested. It doesn’t mean he’s angry or upset.

    Sometimes – a man just has to pee.

    Sometimes – he just needs a moment to go inside himself.

    How Silence Can Bring Him Closer To You

    If you’ve ever felt miserably uncomfortable with a man when it got quiet – I know how you feel, and there isn’t a woman on the planet who doesn’t squirm and feel weird when things all of a sudden go silent.

    But it doesn’t have to be awful.

    In fact – you can USE the silence to your advantage with a man – if you know HOW.

    My Love Scripts program is all about what NOT to say, what TO say, and exactly HOW to say it – so you’re NEVER at a loss for the right words, and you quickly start to feel confident no matter what a man is doing or saying.

    Sometimes he just doesn’t have anything to say.

    What you do with that moment can be KEY to what happens next – especially to the amount of ATTRACTION he feels for you.

    Get More Emotionally Connected To Him:

    1. Stop yourself from speaking automatically.

    This is the place most of us women get ourselves into trouble. At the first sign of silence, our hearts go into panic mode, we make up that he’s withdrawing from us, we call the moment “cold” and we get fearful.

    We go into “repair” mode.

    We instinctively try to step into the gap. We instinctively want to “fix” whatever’s wrong. We want to fill the silence, create something.

    And that’s going to take you in the opposite direction from where you want to go.

    2. Drop your attention from the situation and focus in on your body.

    Start with your breathing. Focus on your belly, just below your belly button, and put your hand on it. Now let your tummy relax right into your hand. Now, take a breath right into your tummy and let it expand into your hand.

    Now go to your shoulders. If they’re up high, close to your ears – consciously let them drop down, so you feel like our arms are just hanging off your shoulders.

    So – when he goes quiet, and you’re just sitting there – here’s what you can do to move the moment emotionally deeper and…

    (The soft hands Tool in Modern Siren is terrifically helpful for this.)

    3. Find someplace to put your attention that feels useful.

    I personally love the “cleaning out your purse” Tool: Either clean it out or find something (lipstick, eye pencil, that you can USE to DO something with – Do NOT go into PHONE mode!

    Getting all caught up in your cell phone is the worst thing you can do – it’s what everyone does, and you want to NOT be EVERYONE.

    Don’t go there because it’s easy, or because you feel compelled to check your texts and email.

    Another great thing to do is REALLY look out the window if you’re in a car, look at the other people if you’re in a restaurant, watch the screen if you’re at a movie or watching tv.

    Eating is always a great thing to do – slowly.

    And eating healthy food helps tremendously – you could eat your way slowly through a bowl of popcorn, or kale chips, or a bag of salad, one leaf at a time.

    4. Touch him.

    Gently put your hand under his butt if you’re sitting in the car and you’ve been with him for awhile.

    If it’s a first date, turn to him, look at his face and smile (that’s almost as good as touching…)

    After you’ve gotten comfortable with silence – that’s when knowing the right WORDS to say can make all the difference.

    That’s why my Love Scripts program is so powerful.

    You don’t have to stand there speechless with a man – you can actually SAY that you feel speechless!

    AND you’ll know what to say AFTER that – when HE says something BACK!

    The reason why Love Scripts works so well is that the “scripting” takes into account what HE says, and what HE does.

    In other words, in the program, you’ll learn how to RESPOND to whatever he says or does – and you’ll have the exact words (and body language, too) to DO it in a way that works, that has an immediate effect on him, that changes the relationship dynamic.

    Create Love with Words AND Silence
    Let me know how you’re doing with the “silence” Tool!

    Love, Rori

  136.  #136Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Hi Inner Bonder!

    Does a fear of rejection govern your life? If you decided to make it okay to be rejected, much would change in your life. You would stop taking rejection personally. You would compassionately manage the loneliness, helplessness and heartache of rejection. You would be free to be yourself!

  137.  #137Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 8:37 am

    We can care and lovingly care-give when we are loving ourselves and filling ourselves up with love. When we abandon ourselves—by ignoring our feelings, judging ourselves, turning to various addictions to numb our feelings, and/or making others responsible for our safety and sense of worth—we create an inner emptiness and aloneness. This inner black hole energetically pulls on others to fill it with their love and approval. Filling ourselves up with love is a gift to both ourselves and to others.

  138.  #138Tereana on May 30, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Starla – Just read your post in #69 – wow, what an awesome insight! That is just so cool. I think *you* deserve the massive hugs! Those old bf’s were angels with messengers for you to help you learn this lesson. This is all about you and your journey. Hooray!

  139.  #139Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 8:49 am


    135 – Ooh, I specially like that about making rejection ok. I needed that.

  140.  #140Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 8:54 am

    From Bob:
    I saw a quote yesterday from Ian Ziering (from the popular 1990’s TV show 90210) describing his first impression of his new wife.

    “We met at a Labor Day party at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood in 2009. In a sea of $600 stilettos, $700 bikinis, $800 sunglasses and $900 hair extensions, Erin walked in wearing flip-flops, a simple black bikini, Ray-Bans and a ponytail. I was mesmerized.”

    I remember when I knew there was something special about my wife. It wasn’t the dress she was wearing or the fact that she worked out every day. When we first spoke she wasn’t trying to impress me, but seemed very comfortable just being herself and in that moment I knew there was something about her.

    I married her 3 months after we met because I didn’t want to take a chance on some other man convincing her to marry him. I just couldn’t let that happen.

    Did You Know:
    When someone looks at a new love, the neural circuits that are usually associated with social judgment are suppressed.
    Source: by Helen Fisher

    Featured Topic: Make Him Notice You
    Most women would love to be noticed in a crowded room and have a man be instantly smitten. However, to accomplish this goal, women often focus on the wrong things. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect smile, perfect… are you noticing a theme?But when I (or someone else) suggests to a woman that there is more to attracting and keeping a man than simply being perfect, they smile and say, “I know, I know.”
    But they don’t believe me because of their bad experiences. In the past, some man has told them that if they weren’t so __________(overweight, talkative, controlling, needy, etc.), the relationship wouldn’t be ending. And so they decide that the problem is – that the way they are – isn’t enough. What I mean by “enough” is that they believe that they are not pretty enough, skinny enough, confident enough and so forth.It’s not true, you know.
    Being perfect will certainly get you more invitations and more men turning their heads to look at you, but that wasn’t the quality that Mr. Ziering noticed in his wife. You see, it wasn’t what she wore or the particular style of her hair. It was what came from within that made her outfit and her hairstyle so radiant. In fact, he noticed it so strongly that he married this woman 9 months after they met.
    I’m also sure that you’ve probably experienced this yourself at least once in your life. Those times when it seemed every guy was interested in you. Or if you’re in a relationship, can you remember when your man couldn’t seem to get enough of you? Wouldn’t you like to have that effect most of the time? You can, but here is the catch. This trait isn’t always easy to develop.
    It takes some practice.
    It doesn’t take forever; yet, it isn’t something you can develop in a day. In fact, those women that struggle to obtain this magic usually have one thing in common. They’re impatient. They want it now. When it doesn’t work with every guy – they say, “This stuff doesn’t work.”
    Then they continue to wonder why the relationship they’ve always dreamed of never seems to show up in their lives.I want to tell you that it can happen. But if you’d like things to be different, then you’ll have to do different things. Simply keeping the same habits and beliefs won’t change your circumstances.
    Additionally, keeping old habits absolutely won’t cause men to look at you the way Ian Ziering looked at his future wife. But if you want that kind of power, and I mean really want it, then it’s yours for the taking.
    Let me show the magical effect you can have on men when you learn how to put your heart first. I’ll even give you a tip right now that will cause men to look at you differently – if you agree to try it for at least 3 weeks.

    Treat every guy the same.
    Be nice to the ugly guy and the overweight one. Listen to the one who you think is boring and bald. Oh I know, he might just ask you out, but that is a problem you want to have. You see there is no magic formula for only attracting the man you want. There is only the magic that attracts all men.
    Those you want and those you don’t. You’ll end up turning down most of these invitations but something inside of you will begin to change. Practice treating all men the same, and I promise that the man/men you like will notice that you seem to have an effortless beauty that makes you stand out in a crowded room, even if you’re just wearing flip flops with your hair in a ponytail.

  141.  #141Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Starla, #132: I feel the same way for the same reasons.

    A coworker reminded me yesterday that I can’t live in the past or in the future, that I can live only in today because that’s all I really have; so, I need to spend time working on myself and becoming the best me I can be.

    A friend reminded me today that it was when she stopped caring about dating and finding someone that her awesome boyfriend showed up. That’s where I was when I met PriestCD last summer. Now the work is getting back to that place!

  142.  #142Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I feel like I’m spamming the blog, but I posted something last night and this morning in the old thread, not realizing you’d all moved here. You ladies so often pull things out of what I’ve written that I sometimes don’t notice that I’m going to repost them here.

    I feel afraid I don’t deserve it all. I feel afraid I don’t deserve something I haven’t worked for, but so many people reminded me today that I shouldn’t have to work hard to make the right relationship work–the right relationship will just click and I won’t have to *do* anything.

    My NVs had a heyday with me today. It’s been weeks since I cried this hard. It is astounding what a difference context makes. I didn’t hear from my NVs while running a marathon because I felt powerful and in control; I was *doing*. I hear from my NVs frequently while trying to date men because I feel powerless; I am trying just to *be*.

    A good friend I had dinner with tonight said it sounds like PriestCD is dating this new girl out of convenience, like she’s here in my life already and we have some stuff in common, so why not date her? He sounded so happy about her when I talked to him last night.

    I feel crushed by disappointment. I spent all of my 20s denying to myself that I wanted to be married and to have a family so that I wouldn’t feel disappointed if it didn’t happen, and I firmly believed that it would not happen. Now that I’ve finally in the last two years admitted I want it and I’ve had a little taste of it, being in a relationship again, I’m still ending up feeling disappointed.

    So the guy who creeped me out Saturday night texted me that night that he would assume from here on out that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I did not reply. He texted yesterday and called tonight. I did not reply to the text, and I did not answer the phone. Part of me wants to text him and I say that I feel uncomfortable continuing contact with him, but part of me thinks any contact back will look like a positive sign to him.

  143.  #143Starla on May 30, 2012 at 8:58 am

  144.  #144Mochaberri on May 30, 2012 at 8:58 am

    @ FW #130 – Hello there!! I’ve missed your wonderful insight

    I totally agree with you and that is what I’m making room to do just that – drop him. As I’ve stated over numerous blogs here is that I have distanced myself physically and that trying to distance myself emotionally has been the challenge. Hearing what he said about not being sexually exclusive was devestating and I am beginning to see how staying in contact and having sex is creating so many issues.

    I haven’t seen him since the Thursday before the holiday and I’m OK with that – I’m CDing other men receiving what they have to offer and I feel so much better. I go back in forth about still seeing him but for now he is no longer the main frontrunner so if I choose to still see him he will be at the back of the line

  145.  #145Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Ah, there it is–I feel humiliated, all over again. *That’s* what’s so upsetting about PriestCD having completely moved on. It’s not about him no longer being available to me (he wasn’t anyway, by his choice–*he* dumped me!). It’s because it’s happened so quickly. It’s reminding me of the fact that I was so much more emotionally invested than he was, and I feel again the humiliation of (1) being told by the man I’m seeing exclusively that he’s not sure he wants me at all, but doesn’t want to let me go, (2) learning that the man I love is not the real him, but the image of him I’ve constructed in the absence of critical information, and (3) choosing to stay with him while he sorts out what he wants instead of taking care of myself.

    It was in December that he revealed to me that he’d seriously considered joining the priesthood and still wasn’t sure he wasn’t going to, and that he wasn’t sure about our relationship. He waited so long to tell me because he was afraid it would end the relationship…and it would have if I’d had stronger boundaries and either dumped him right then and there or at least insisted on non-exclusivity, but I didn’t want to let him go either.

    I wasn’t worried at that point that I loved a man who didn’t love me yet, because even he said he saw the potential there. I also know that women tend to develop strong feelings more quickly than men do. But, boy, did it feel *awful* as time went on and his feelings didn’t grow and I tolerated more and more neglectful treatment as he grew more distant (like not planning visits and more sporadic phone calls–though he did do all the calling and still called 3x per week, just with less predictability).

    I should add that humiliation is a feeling I have been very numb to. I got so used to feeling it as a kid/teenager/young adult that for a very long time it hasn’t really registered as anything more than a bad feeling in the background. I think that’s why it has taken months for it all to come out in the massive, gut-wrenching-while-sobbing cry I had yesterday evening!

  146.  #146Mochaberri on May 30, 2012 at 8:59 am

    FW – not clear on why you stated that exclusivity is the problem. Can you give mor insight?

  147.  #147Tereana on May 30, 2012 at 8:59 am

    FW – Thank you for posting that Rori article on silence. I believe in not speaking as a great way to connect with anybody, and I definitely need to practice it more often!

    One thing I don’t get: How are we supposed to “gently” place our hand “under someone’s butt” when we’re sitting in the car? That just sounds physically very difficult and uncomfortable!! Lol…What about gently on his leg, mid-thigh? That sounds a lot easier to me. Or on his arm, neck or shoulder. All a lot more accessible!

    And the second part about that I don’t get is that – aren’t we supposed to not touch him and wait for him to make the first contact? Not that there’s anything wrong with touching. Just that he’ll often reach for *us* I think – especially if we’re being super sireny 🙂

    …just my little wonderings about that…

  148.  #148Tereana on May 30, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Brandylion – Big cries are good! ((hugs, hugs, hugs))

  149.  #149Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 9:05 am


    Beautiful article!

  150.  #150Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 9:14 am


    146 – I need work on silence, too. I have found it to be very powerful when I do remember or don’t get too nervous and move to fill the silence with chit-chat.

    I had to do a double take on the part about sliding a hand under his butt, too, just picturing it, LOL! I think it depends on where you are at with a man. I know if I did that to K, he would love it! If I did it to R, he would recoil.

    I agree tho, in general, I would feel a lot more comfortable with a touch on his thigh or shoulder.

  151.  #151Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Starla – thank you for the link.

    Also I relate to feelings of depression and neediness in the mornings and I want to call / contact my number one CD and almost BEG him to see me because I miss him so much.

    The mornings are always worse. I can barely get out of bed.

  152.  #152Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 9:15 am


    I so relate. 🙁

  153.  #153Starla on May 30, 2012 at 9:19 am

    150 rebecca i have a hard time getting out bed too, girl. so hard.

  154.  #154Starla on May 30, 2012 at 9:28 am

    i stopped myself this morning from texting Alaska with morning gripes. i gotta change this up on my OWN. and not turn to mancrack for a fix when i feel bad.

  155.  #155Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Feminiewoman – your words are beautifully inspirational as ever! 🙂

  156.  #156Starla on May 30, 2012 at 9:46 am

    i need to remember that when *i’m* ready, all i’ll have to do is put up a nice online ad and making myself available to men, and i will have lots of choices.

  157.  #157Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Mocha when there is exclusivity without commitment we mostly begin to expect all kinds. Sometimes one person expect something and it is not clearly communicated so the other person misunderstands. I find with commitment we women surrender into the relationship and naturally create the bonding glue that keeps things together. When there is lack of the kind of commitment we need we tend to second guess ourselves, have all kinds of doubts and create problems in our heads.

  158.  #158Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I didn’t question the hand under the butt because to me I can see where it is easy to in the car. Also I believe if your vibe is not about giving to get I see no problem doing it with someone you’ve been with for a while. There likely would be discomfort touching a man anywhere on his body if a woman is unsure about where she stands with him or she knows that he has told her he does not want a relationship with her. I have tried touching in those circumstances and ended up feeling crummy as I could feel his energy withdrawing almost like recoiling into a cringe.

  159.  #159Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Thanks Rebecca

  160.  #160Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Brandylion I would respond to that guy. He might just want to make sure that you are okay. Ignoring/stonewalling him is disrespectful in my humble opinion and maybe even likely the way you would automatically treat a man you love when faced with a difficult situation. It might be a pattern to explore and break.

    “Treat all men equally”.

  161.  #161Starla on May 30, 2012 at 10:06 am

    wooha i feel gripping in mu chest tightened seized up not okay looking for any release omg eating little pieces of chocolate but aside from that, just going to RIDE IT OUT wooha i can handle anything, it’s okay, starla, they’re just feelings and they can’t hurt you and no one else knows they’re going through your head right now… it’s all okay girl, you don’t have to run away from your own feelings…

  162.  #162Starla on May 30, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Rebecca –
    “If you are having a hard time getting started, it may be because you’re thinking too big. If you want to exercise, for example, you may be thinking that you have to do these intense workouts 5 days a week. No — instead, do small, tiny, baby steps. Just do 2 minutes of exercise. I know, that sounds wimpy. But it works. Commit to 2 minutes of exercise for one week. You may want to do more, but just stick to 2 minutes. It’s so easy, you can’t fail. Do it at the same time, every day. Just some crunches, 2 pushups, and some jogging in place. Once you’ve done 2 minutes a day for a week, increase it to 5, and stick with that for a week. In a month, you’ll be doing 15-20. Want to wake up early? Don’t think about waking at 5 a.m. Instead, think about waking 10 minutes earlier for a week. That’s all. Once you’ve done that, wake 10 minutes earlier than that. Baby steps.”

  163.  #163Starla on May 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

    holy sh*t
    wow these are some intense feelings
    just ‘being’ with them
    thanks for the little steam vent here (((((blog)))))))

  164.  #164Dominique on May 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Speaking for me and K, he would hate that, the butt thing, and not just in the car.

    It seems a little invasive to me. Some men may like this, but the ones I know likely wouldn’t.


  165.  #165Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

    ….nonono I’m getting way into my head right now.

    Still no answer from CDJim…and he is online on the dating site….

  166.  #166Starla on May 30, 2012 at 10:21 am


  167.  #167sensual on May 30, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Thank you Starla for your suggestion. Sorry I couldn’t check back on the blog yesterday. i just sent a message asking how he’s doing today and if his response isn’t dreadful then i’ll ask him in the style you suggested-thanks!

  168.  #168Tereana on May 30, 2012 at 10:29 am


    “horselips” is the thing I do where you blow the air out through your lips and make a noise, kind of like horses do. I find it relieving, because it forces you to relax your whole mouth and sometimes the rest of you as well. It’s good when something frustrating or aggravating is going on.

    Like #1) my mom can’t help me without “helping” me – by telling me what to do with what she helps me with. I really hate this. And I want to talk to her about it. I want to write back and say, you know, it really isn’t helpful when you tell me what to do, because it cuts me off from making my own decisions and feeling like I have some say over my own life, and that I can’t manage things my own way. She says “suggestion” but really she means “imperative” – you have to do it this way, because it’s the right way, because I suggested it. And she’ll use her power *over* you to be dominant, rather than really help you find a way that works.

    I find this situation very triggering, whether she’s doing it or someone else is. But I’m not sure what it is about *me* that I need to shift. Hm…maybe one way to approach it is just to ignore it. If I give it too much energy, then that could just make the situation worse. I don’t have to accept her “advice” or suggestions for how I “should” do things to run my life. I just resent her assumption of authority that “she knows” the only best way to do things. And I resent that I can’t make my own mistakes and figure out my own way. And this makes me feel really lonely and like I want to cry. So I’m going to cry.

    And #2) I got an email back from Vman about a pool party he had at his house over the weekend, and I felt jealous. I felt jealous that he’d had so much fun without me. That he’d had people to his house, and they probably had a lot of fun, too. And I wasn’t and never was going to be part of the equation. I felt weird when he mentioned that someone had left a bikini there. Almost like it was a subtle jab suggesting that he’d gotten some booty, though it doesn’t have to mean anything of the sort. I’d be really jealous if he was sleeping with someone. But then again, how can I be jealous? I reminded myself that I had been hiking with a Mountain Man that day, who bought me food, and carried my bag for me, and drove me in his car, and afterward made love to me and made it his job to please me. Actually, he “made love” to me because I told him I didn’t just want to have sex. So he said, “Okay, you want me to make love to you,” and I said yes.

    So, given that I was letting another man be all over me and into me on Saturday, when Vman was having his “pool party” I really have no reason to be jealous. I was getting a lot of things that made me happy! How would he feel if he knew another man was doing that for me? I have no idea. All I know is, I guess, if I’m honest, there is still some energy there. There is a “charge” around Vman that I can’t quite place or explain. It’s irrational. It doesn’t have to do with anything in particular. And I don’t even know why I should feel drawn to him. He’s just another guy who didn’t give me ideal treatment, IMO, but I still had a nice time with him. And he was relationship oriented. And a relationship-oriented guy will find a relationship. Even if he is a complete and utter d*ck/A$$hole, like RoBoat, for example.

    RoBoat – who is married. And what about me??

    I’m the nice girl. I am relationship-WORTHY, even if I am not “relationship-ready.” I want to be, but do I want it bad enough? How do I want it? I have to ask myself these questions, because always in the past, when I really set my mind to something, I do it. There is no question, and it happens without fail. I have enormous willpower and fortitude when it comes to following my dreams and goals – as long as I am specific and know exactly what it is I want, and I go for it. It seems a lot more complicated with a person. A person is not a car or any type of object. A person you might want can make their own decisions (including me). Even a relationship is a changeable, intangible thing. So how can I “go for it” when I can’t even see it or really know what it is until I have it – sometimes not even then?? I feel confused. I feel blindsided all the time, and like I am making all the wrong decisions.

    But I guess that is why I am here. To look inside myself, to reevaluate my activities and to see where it needs work. I know that immediately as soon as I get clear on my desires, I will have EXACTLY what I want. I always do . 🙂

    Happy Day, Ladies!!!

  169.  #169Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Hello sirens ~

    Wondered if any of you could help me?

    What does ‘being in your head’ mean?

    Could anyone give me an example of this?

  170.  #170Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I feel silly and I’m angry at myself…

    Already doing that dreaded brain work around him…”Was I too easy” “Did he really get the sms?” “have he already lost his intrested and attraction?”…and backtracking what was said and done and felt…arghhhhh.

    I know better then this…I know this is my own fear and impatience mixed with my NV talking here.

    I havent done anything wrong, I was soft and open with him.

    My iner war begain after we said good bye, and really much monday morning.

    His last sms to me:
    “Hehe then you have been lucky with your sunburn 🙂 We can try go there some saturday now soon 🙂 Hugs”

    So this is how I answered:
    “Today I feel less sore, feels good. I will be glad to. Now this saturday there is also an festival in town 🙂 Hugs”

  171.  #171Starla on May 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

    being in your head is wondering/analyzing/thinking/trying to figure out what HE’S thinking or feeling or doing
    extreme example: “i think he’s pulling away cuz he only texted twice yesterday and he’s really busy with work but there’s this pretty woman who moved in across the street from him and he said she’s married but I still get this weird feeling like he’s into her and maybe drifting from me?”

    vs. sinking into your feelings

    example: “it feels bad not hearing from him very much”

  172.  #172Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Tereana, #168:

    “I’m the nice girl. I am relationship-WORTHY, even if I am not “relationship-ready.” I want to be, but do I want it bad enough? How do I want it? I have to ask myself these questions, because always in the past, when I really set my mind to something, I do it. There is no question, and it happens without fail. I have enormous willpower and fortitude when it comes to following my dreams and goals – as long as I am specific and know exactly what it is I want, and I go for it. It seems a lot more complicated with a person. A person is not a car or any type of object. A person you might want can make their own decisions (including me). Even a relationship is a changeable, intangible thing. So how can I “go for it” when I can’t even see it or really know what it is until I have it – sometimes not even then?? I feel confused. I feel blindsided all the time, and like I am making all the wrong decisions.

    But I guess that is why I am here. To look inside myself, to reevaluate my activities and to see where it needs work. I know that immediately as soon as I get clear on my desires, I will have EXACTLY what I want. I always do. ”

    I read this and felt like you were talking about me! Maybe the Universe isn’t bringing me men I feel curious about because I’m not ready for them yet. Maybe I’m not actually ready to “choose relationship” yet (as someone, I think FW, reminded me on the last thread Rori says we are to do–I think it’s one of the 5 Keys?), and when I am, like Starla said, I’ll put up a nice profile and have my pick of men!

  173.  #173Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Yeah…I know.

    I feel impatience.
    I feel bad not getting an answer

  174.  #174Mochaberri on May 30, 2012 at 11:30 am

    @ FW #157 – Thanks that makes sense and offers more clarity. Yes without the commitment – things can be misunderstood as it was in this case and now I have to set my boundaries around that.

  175.  #175Starla on May 30, 2012 at 11:36 am

    oh dear, i am hitting the mancrackpipe.

    at least it’s a different guy than usual. an olllld cd from back in the day. he just asked me out.

  176.  #176Starla on May 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

    he asked me out for the end of june. i can say yes to that far out, lol. yes, i am saying yes. it’ll be a fun event and i like the guy very much as a friend

    he was the worst date ever though! this was years ago, however…

  177.  #177Starla on May 30, 2012 at 11:46 am

    he’s taking me to an industry exclusive beer tasting.

    we’re gonna get drunk and i’m gonna make out with him, lol

    sweet, something to look forward to.

  178.  #178Starla on May 30, 2012 at 11:47 am

    now my NVs are going about how he doesn’t seem as enthusiastic as i do about his invitation. does he wish he could take it back now?

    omg mancrack

    stop it, starla.

    thank goodness the event is not for a month

  179.  #179Starla on May 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

    wow i am a little desperate for male attention (from guys i actually desire)

    maybe i need to focus more on providing myself with high quality attention more consistently.

    still so much work to do!

  180.  #180Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Wow I totelly love reading all stories heere, it feels so darn nice to see; I’m not alone, we all are learning.

    Adn I just got a little “aha moment”

    Ws writting emal to another man, gave him a FM anout my day, and then a thought just jumped into my head.

    “I will hear from CDJIm”

    – and my heart kind of jumped up in joy, felt so light. I feel smiling and happy. There is feeling of joy and peace. And my Diva is happy and calm saying: “No way in hell, he have lost intrested. He does his things, just breath and feel. He have his rights and things to do. I ws online on the site and didnt send him an answer yesterday – so maybe start thinking on my own actions too”

  181.  #181Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Ladies…can a man lose intrested if a woman answer his sms to late? Like let it go 24 hours before sending an answer to his sms?

  182.  #182Starla on May 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    181 jenny

  183.  #183Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    RE 181 Jenny think about it. Would you really want to be someone if they were so shallow?

  184.  #184Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    …feel red on my cheaks…ehh no 😛 I feel silly.

  185.  #185Anais on May 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Tereana #63, yeah I think most of us hate being told that we’re wrong 🙂 I remember when I had some friends telling me that what I was doing was “chasing” a man and that it was “wrong”, it came off like they were saying there was something wrong with me and I would get defensive and upset. And the way they explained it sounded like “playing games.” Next time she shares a situation with a guy not working out, I suggest asking her if she’d be willing to experiment with a different approach of leaning back because you see how it’s working for you. i would try to explain to her the concepts of masculine and feminine energy, especially focusing on what it means to be feminine and why it’s so powerful…and that leaning forward isn’t going to inspire a masculine man to fall for her… and that it’s not just her, it’s any woman who does that. Another crucial thing for her to understand is what makes a man fall in love in a woman, that it’s all about emotion and feelings. Ultimately the embracing the feminine side of ourselves philosophy finally made me get it. But I know, it’s sometimes difficult for friends to understand and convince them about these things…

  186.  #186Starla on May 30, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    i have needy NVs that say i’m unworthy and annoying when i need comfort and support.

  187.  #187Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Sliding the Hand Under the Butt Thing…LOL

    And this is especially for April Rose…another thug story…a fun one 🙂

    I can’t resist sharing this little story…ok, most of you know K is in prison and has been since I’ve known him, which was 2000. We corresponded about 5 months before I met him. When I was in the visiting room with him for the first time, we took pictures together. For the first picture, he grabbed my butt, and I giggled. Then for the second picture, I grabbed his butt.

    He said, “Whoaaa!” then he started laughing like crazy! He said, “I’m not used to being touched here! If anyone in HERE touched me like that, he’d get punched across the room!”

  188.  #188Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 1:30 pm


    186 – Me too. I immediately think of my brothers in childhood reading what you wrote. I was pushed away so many times, both literally and emotionally.

  189.  #189Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    April Rose,

    Here’s another fun thug story…K always told me to keep my voice down in the prison visiting room. I tried my best, but sometimes I slipped when I got angry or excited. One day I was just plain happy!

    I was at the vending machines, and K was on the other side of the room where we were sitting. Just for fun, I called real loudly, “Pookie, what kind of candy bar do you want?”

    The crowded visiting room got instantly silent, and all eyes went to K and me, LOL! The cops started laughing and teasing K, saying they were going to start calling him “Pookie” around the block.

    K took it in stride, altho of course he felt embarrassed. I felt embarrassed, too, but the fun of it far outweighed my embarrassment. 🙂

  190.  #190Starla on May 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    yeah me too, except i’m not a child anymore, so i don’t want to actually carry this around with me now.

    i don’t know if the right thing to do is to sink into it and just ignore the NVs about me being needy, or to avoid being needy…

    sigh, i dunno, baby steps. i have faith i will figure it all out.

  191.  #191Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 1:45 pm


    168 – Horselips! LOL, I love it! I so mastered horselips growing up around horses that when I do horselips to a horse, s/he looks at me almost in surprise, very responsive! Sometimes I have two way conversations with horses doing that! 🙂

    About your Mom, I had that same scenario with my Dad. A long time ago, a counselor suggested to me to say, “This is the way I like to do it.” Just softly and confidently, and just keep doing it.

    I did that the first time when my Dad was helping me move as an adult. I was moving the dresser with the drawers in, because it was empty. He told me to take the drawers out. I said, “This is the way I like to do it, ” and I just kept working, altho I was literally trembling at daring to buck (to continue the horse talk :-)) his authority.

    His eyes became huge with anger, and he started yelling and slamming things around, threatening to not help me move. His tirade continued, even ten minutes out on the road.

    Finally I said softly, “I don’t feel loved right now.”

    He said, “What??”

    “I don’t feel loved right now.”

    “Well I DO love you.”

    “I sure don’t feel it.”

    He pulled over the van and we had a rich father/daughter talk! That marked the beginning of the healing of our relationship!

  192.  #192Starla on May 30, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    wow, another guy on mah jock

    thanks, universe, for sending me all this nice male attention:)

  193.  #193Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 1:49 pm


    190 – I think it is like any other emotion…it is healthy to honor the lil girl inside. One thing that helps me with that is to get alone, preferrably naked, and just cuddle with the back of the sofa, leaning into it like it is a man’s chest, and putting my arm over the back like hugging a man. And then I just cry, leaning hard against the back of the sofa, letting it hold me and comfort me.

    I have really connected with some deep feelings of vulnerability and intimacy desires doing that. Or I do the same hugging a pillow. I like the back of the sofa, tho, because I can lean into it and just let go of all my boy energy for a few minutes. I can just be a scared lil girl if I want to. Or a loving lil girl if I want to.

  194.  #194Starla on May 30, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    I find that doing heart-opening yoga at night and picturing myself as a sovereign creature in the big starry universe really helps quite a bit! I go to bed feeling fulfilled and not lonely.

  195.  #195Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I feel so angry about getting into my present situation. Something really triggered me this afternoon, and I started boiling over with anger and humiliation. Why am I always the one humiliated??! It doesn’t seem fair. I am so angry.. I am raging with anger and feeling ‘why me’. I’m not sure I believe that this person who has hurt me is a Messenger or that I need to heal. I just feel I am cursed and have rotten luck??!! Why me

  196.  #196Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Rebecca do you know the vampire scream?

  197.  #197Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    You may just have some stuck energy that needs shaking up or moving around a bit.

  198.  #198Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm


    194 – Open Heart Yoga!

    Sounds healing!

  199.  #199Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm


    195 – What’s going on? This is a good place to just let it all out…

  200.  #200Tam on May 30, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Feels good reading about you Ladies having dark thoughts/ trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I can so so relate to that, and thought it was just me..I had a hard year, losing my job/visa to live in Fl, having to rent out my Condo and returning to live with family (after 16 years of independence), a little debt (not through extravagance but simply paying bills/health insurance)…the man I love flaking out on me, and the one who wanted me and whom I could have loved running also – and sometimes I just feel ‘what’s the point of getting up, my life is done’…but I push myself, I push to apply for jobs and get going and not lose hope. But the mornings are soooooooooooooooo hard…

  201.  #201Starla on May 30, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    the vampire scream tool is excellent!

    so is getting on the treadmill/stairclimber until you think you’re gonna just puke everywhere:P

  202.  #202Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 2:24 pm


  203.  #203Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    I have a damaged hip flexor muscle from working out on the treadclimber. Be careful, especially if there are body parts you dislike. I disliked my butt and tried to get rid of it for years.

  204.  #204Starla on May 30, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    oh snap, this guy is really laying it out that he wants to pursue me. I’m scared to read these texts. I feel shaken and moved.

  205.  #205Starla on May 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    yesss plz plz plz be careful when working out. if you’re feeling pain (not just the burn/fatigue), you shouldn’t be doing it! either you’re moving incorrectly or you have/developing an injury that needs to be tended to.

  206.  #206Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm


    What is sms?

  207.  #207Starla on May 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    sms is another term for text msging

  208.  #208Jenny on May 30, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    yeah done by mobile phone.

  209.  #209Dominique on May 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Tam _ Everyone has dark thoughts. Everyone has days when it feels so hard to get out of bed, where you just want to pull the covers over your head and sleep forever or at least for several hours/days.

    You are SO not alone in this. It’s part of being human.

    The more you heal though, the fewer and farther between will be those episodes and of shorter duration.


  210.  #210Tam on May 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Thank you Dominique and FW 🙂

  211.  #211goldenflower on May 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Hi sirens, I’ve been reading the Rori Raye tools and have the ebook and targetting mr right progam for past few months. My plan was to cirular date but I met a lovely guy from my first dating website and we really clicked in so many ways, felt so happy for two months. But he has suddenly got all these problems come up, recently living back at home and has to care for ill parents, father now has mobility problems. So he is needed to help there every day, and he works as a support worker too. He suddenly out the blue texted me he thot it best the we be friends as everything so chaotic for him. He has longterm depression too which suddenly all got worse with the sudden responsibilities heaped on him. Anyway, for me I am deeply heartbroken by the sudden withdrawal and suggesting friends. Makes me question what he felt for me at all if can be reduced to friends all of a sudden. Hurts me so much as it was first proper happiness I felt in two years, he was considerate and kind and good to me. I know he was happy with me but we were just getting to that point in dating where I was wondering whether he was going to get more serious, then all this family stuff happened. Worst timing. But then again maybe he just doesnt feel the right things for me and never would. It became all about him and his feelings in the past week, I was trying to fix us and be supportive, but have realised I’m only hurting myself more.
    I know I should have held back better and tried to date other men from the start but I just find it almost impossible to not feel like I am being dishonest to myself. When I know I like one person.
    My heart has closed again, I feel like I’ll not be able to trust another man for a long time. So lonely again, and in deep pain. I know there will be hope again one day. It helps to write all this out. Meeting him on sunday to say what i need to say, as I need to say what I feel or I cant rest. I know seeking closure not supposed to be the way to go, but I need to express what I feel to him or I cant let go and will always wish I’d spoken my truth. Any insights welcome, otherwise thankyou for reading. xx

  212.  #212Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Femininewoman – No – what is the vampire scream? Am feeling very intrigued..

  213.  #213Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    I feel much better than I did yesterday, but it still hurts that PriestCD has someone new. I still feel a pang of sadness that the relationship is over. I’m trying really hard not to picture them together, doing the things that we used to do together, spending the upcoming weekend together. :-/

    He told me that he’s seeing her because I asked him what he thought about meeting me for lunch when I pass through IN on my way to AZ next week. He was totally up for that, but I get why he wanted to let me know that he is 100% through with me. I don’t want a romantic reconciliation. I miss him, yes; I miss being in a relationship, yes. I do not miss being in a relationship with him, especially now that I’ve really felt just how bad those last three months felt. I asked him about lunch because it would feel good to see him again and really get to say goodbye. As afraid of it as I feel, I want to be triggered if there is any feeling left around him, the relationship, or the break-up that still needs healing. I want my vibe clear so Mr. Right can find me when I’m ready, and I want to feel as good again as I did a year ago.

    FW, you had a good point about treating all men the same. I texted AkronCD back that I felt bad for blowing him off the last two days and that I didn’t feel comfortable continuing contact. I wished him luck in his search. He replied that he’s giving up, but thanks.

    I’m going to go on my first post-marathon run this evening. My training book said to go slowly and for short distances when resuming running. I can’t decide how far to go: 3, 4, or 5 miles. I suppose I could always choose a 4-mile route and then walk if it doesn’t feel good.

  214.  #214Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm


    From what I understand, the vampire scream is a silent scream.

    Or you can make it loud if you want (and can).

    Just open your mouth really wide and let it all out in the scream, all the anger, the pain, the frustration and confusion, whatever you’re feeling at the moment.

  215.  #215love hurts12 on May 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    love is wonderful. bt it really hurt cz when someone dumps you or the same the like breaks up with you. It hurts cz you really love person u wnt out with. Ur heart is heart broken whin someone breakes up with you. tht happened to me i was really heart broken i would stop thinking about him bt i am with him now.

  216.  #216Sassy on May 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    I have no problem getting up in the mornings. It’s goofing to bed and being used to getting texts throughout the night so often. Now-nothing….

  217.  #217Sassy on May 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Goofing???? Lol -no “going”

  218.  #218Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm


    212 – The vampire scream is a way of releasing anger, frustration, etc. You open your mouth and pretend you are a vampire, giving a silent scream.

  219.  #219Francesca on May 30, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    goldenflower, first of all, welcome to Siren Island.

    I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going thru.

    If you read thru the comments here, you’ll see that you’re not the only one going thru a heartbreak.

    So, I believe that you’ll get a lot of support from everyone here.

    Sadly, yes, your first “faux pas” was not to circular date and go for the first guy you felt good with instead.

    I feel it would be good for you to start CDing as soon as you feel up to it.

    Yes, there is still hope and all is not lost.

    You’ve got to sink into the feelings you’re having now, own them, feed them if they need to be fed, process them to hell if you have to.

    Do you know about riffing?

    I’m sure Daria can show you how to do that, she’s very good at it.

    Also, I don’t know about the other sirens, but I feel that closure never worked for me.

    Even though I thought it was going to lift the weight off my shoulder, it never did.

    Sure, there was some relief, but in the long run, closure never really managed to make me feel better about myself.

    There were things I learned during closure that I would’ve rather not know.

    And most guys I confronted weren’t even that opened to talk about the issue at hand.

    Guys hate questions, and I was a champion at asking questions.

    I ended up hurting myself more by trying to find closure.

    If I were to do it again, I would go without now.

  220.  #220Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm


    I really like what you said about 2-3 min of exercise. I am just coming out of depression, and I am applying that to my housework, while doing more if i feel like it or am in the middle of a task. I am realizing I am feeling bogged down by guilt, because I am not doing marathon sessions like I used to.

    I am telling myself it is ok if I am not at that level yet. As a result, I have gotten quite a bit done today, in baby steps.

    I sorted my overabundance of toiletries (been needing to do this since November, when I moved in). I carried burnables to my neighbor’s yard, where the gave me permission. I did a few loads of laundry and hung it outside, bringing another couple of dry loads inside.

    There is still a lot left to do, but it is good to focus on what I did, not on what I still need to do.

  221.  #221Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I also moved the large trash cans from the road to the back of the house. And now I think I will take my first swim in the bay! I feel scared of the sea creatures!

  222.  #222Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Radlove – sorry I have juat seen you question to me..


    195 – What’s going on? This is a good place to just let it all out…

    I know it’s trite to say I feel confused but I do. So many scenarios are going through my head and it’s driving me insane. I guess this guy who told me he liked me, now seems to be avoiding me like the plague. If he had not told me that he liked me then my feelings would have stayed in check – and I wouldn’t have really thought that he felt the same way about me. Why did he have to come onto me and then run off? And so fast too! I never asked him to like me, OR come onto me, but now I am the one feeling hurt – and I don’t get it?! I just don’t get it. And I feel angry… Really seething anger… Don’t kiss me then run away from me. I feel like yelling ‘what is your point??!??’ arrrggghhh MEN?!!!!!!!! Sorry but I feel angry… I don’t know how to process any of this. I am so sick of these men turning up in my life and then doing a disappearing act before I barely know their surnane??! Please be brutal with me… I need to hear the truth…

  223.  #223Daria on May 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    i feel like im fallin g apart

    sat down by the tree and cried

    walkd donw the road an cried

    feeelin angry an frustrated and pist off at life

  224.  #224Daria on May 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    im tired of getting stood up! ugh!

    feelinn angry!

  225.  #225Daria on May 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Rebecca – brutal: thats just how it works.

    they all poof except for the one that marries u

    im feeling frustrated too

  226.  #226Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    I am really seeing how much I struggle with stuck energy. So many things I feel resistant to, like overcoming inertia.

    I did it! I finally went swimming in the bay! And no creatures attacked me! The water was the perfect temperature, and it’s the first time I swam since January! I can swim there anytime! No lifeguard, no cost, no rules. Just murky, that’s all. And a few rocks, so I wore waterproof sports sandals. It felt really invigorating and refreshing! I feel so happy and blessed to be living two blocks from a place I can swim!!!

    I checked out the depth of the water near the wharf, where I lost my phone. It was too deep to make it worth the effort to find it on the bottom. I was hoping it would be like 5 feet deep. That’s okay, it’s insured.

  227.  #227Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    I had a profound thought today. I was thinking about PriestCD’s new girlfriend and what I know of her through their friendship. She seems like a too-nice girl, you know, OFing to get a man’s attention and keep him around. It was clear to me from the start of our relationship that she was interested in him, even though he wasn’t sure she’d be interested in dating him. I didn’t feel threatened because I reasoned that he’d known her for several years, so if he wanted to be with her, he would be, but he was choosing to be with me.

    What I realized today is that there’s nothing wrong with being a too-nice girl, as long as the person receiving that attention is yourself! All the things I used to do or think of doing for men as a too-nice girl are things I should do for myself. 🙂

  228.  #228sensual on May 30, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    C did not reply to my text at 10am this morning asking how he was doing today. He’s never not replied before. I didn’t do anything else or text again, but now its evening time I feel concerned because yesterday he said he felt like he was dying. I know he’s just sick and I’m being in my head about it but I guess I’ll have to send another one just to check he’s ok.

  229.  #229Lele on May 30, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    seems I’ve been traveling a very long road
    no road signs or maps I could decipher
    stumbling along, feeling sad and lost
    learning happiness by small flashes
    so glad these are reversed
    flashes of sadness and fear
    don’t tear your soul

    I felt sad and heart weary earlier, cried a little
    I feel quiet and just sitting still now
    I wish I was a man magnet – am I ready to be that?
    It would be interesting, scary, and maybe a bit fun

  230.  #230Daria on May 30, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    sensual – i wouldn’t. he’s just sick. don’t be the pursuer or the mommy.

  231.  #231Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm


    222 – What would help us help you is if you were to break down your last interaction or so with this man. Can you remember exactly what was said?

    What I’ve found is that I can’t change a man. I can feel frustrated or angry at his behavior, but it all comes down to me. I can only change me.

    So what I have been doing is breaking down my conversations and STUDYING what went wrong. I found that, as embarrassing as it was, I was saying things to trigger the man I love to pull away.

    There can be many other factors, too. When a man starts seeing it get serious, all of a sudden he feels his freedom slipping out from under him! It may be conscious or subconscious, but suddenly he’s like, “Wait! What am I doing here? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this ONE woman?” So he may take a step back to re-evaluate his life and your relationship. And the relationship takes on a life of its own, almost like a third entity between you.

    So what I try to do, not always successfully, as the ladies here can attest (wink! ;-)), is to think in terms of what will serve the relationship? If a man wants to feel good and to feel free, while feeling loved, then how can I be my best self with him?

    The visualization I like best, of all Rori’s fantastic visualizations, is that of being a warm, soft, sandy beach. It is a place of freedom, enjoyment, relaxation, where people go to relax and feel good!

    For me, it is important to study to not be like quicksand! I tend to hang on with both hands when a man starts to step away! Let go! Let go!

    What I am learning here is that it is not about the outcome. Sure, I want to be a wife more than anything on this planet. But in the three years I have been majoring in Rori’s Siren University, 🙂 I have been realizing that what this path really is about is my own inner healing and growth in relational skills.

    I really like how I am fine tuning myself, and Rori is brilliant! So hold on for a fantastic ride on Siren Island!

  232.  #232Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 6:02 pm


  233.  #233Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm


    As icky as it felt to read, you are absolutely right that they all poof except for the one who marries you.

    I feel afraid and tight in my tummy thinking about the implications of that. It would be so easy to run and hide and never engage men since they’re just going to leave. But other people enrich our lives, and we have to invest at least a little of ourselves by interacting with them, especially since we are dynamic beings who grow and change. Ugh. It’s cliche’, but you can’t win if you don’t play. :-/

  234.  #234Lele on May 30, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    What does that mean?
    ??? {{{Lele}}} ???

  235.  #235sensual on May 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Eek daria, ok I’ll try not to. Just feel scared to leave him to suffer alone. Feel selfish and concerned at his non-reply

  236.  #236Starla on May 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Hi Ladies,
    Has anyone had experience with breaking out when first starting to drink acv on a regular basis?

  237.  #237Daria on May 30, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    i feel so mad and actually wahts happening is great relief for me but yah i feel upset still

    im probably jetlagged and maybe my peezy is coming it skipped last nite

    i feel so MAD and frustrated at life rrrugh

    i love my madness and frustartaion

    and i feel hate for myself and i love my hate for myself

  238.  #238Daria on May 30, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    sensual – awesome, you get to practice ‘being with’ your thoughts that your are selfish

    that’s something to work through in order to be a good receiver that a man can be happy with

  239.  #239Daria on May 30, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    i mean ‘being with’ the feelings generated by those thoughts – guilt, panic, etc

  240.  #240Daria on May 30, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Starla – it detoxes and that could def be a reaction of detoxing too fast… can be reduced by taking it a lil slower until it clears out… maybe just before one meal a day and then work up to 3

  241.  #241Daria on May 30, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    oh i no longer feel like dying –

    turns out i was hungry

    i ate and am feeling mucho better!

  242.  #242Healing Waterall on May 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    HI SIRENS!!!!!

    I am back from my trip to the midwest….and I had a CD last night and it felt incredible, we talked for a long time and I had a great time….and I sat and meditated for awhile afterwards and asked for clarity, what is it in me that he is helping to heal?

    Because (Starla you will relate to this) I felt like asking accountantCD for help with my billpaying really strongly after my date, it felt obsessive and THANK GOD, a storm had knocked out my phone line and internet and I went swimming, whoops, with my cell phone on my trip, so i could not.

    and i just sat with this feeling and then POP! i saw that my new CD had illuminated this part of me that feels incompetent and frozen, someone else has to help me, instead of me just actually opening up my bills and paying them, hey it’s not that hard, i mean i have a master’s degree and did molecular biology research…, what a healing….this CDing feels amazing….
    it also feels great to read your posts and all that…

    Hi Dominique!

  243.  #243Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 6:48 pm


    234 – An online hug!

  244.  #244Starla on May 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    I don’t mind breaking out from detoxing fast as long as it will stop eventually.

  245.  #245Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 6:50 pm


    236 – ACV? Apple Cinnamon Vino? LOL

  246.  #246Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Daria, isn’t it amazing how much the physical condition of our bodies affects our moods?!?

    I felt sad and weepy almost all day Monday, and I hadn’t eaten much. Then, I had a nice dinner that my dad made with lots of fresh veggies, and I instantly felt not sad and not weepy (well, until I talked to PriestCD…).

    I ate lots of lousy food over the weekend (like, lousy as in not-good-for-me) because the food that was readily available at the food court attached to the hotel was lousy. My appetite has been off ever since. I feel hungry, but I just feel turned off by food. I am making myself eat the things I normally eat at home and at school, but it is hard.

    Good self-care is so important! Now that I’ve (mostly) weaned myself off of bad-for-me-foods, my body rebels when I don’t take care of myself!

  247.  #247Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Healing Waterfall,

    242 – Are you saying your cell phone went swimming with you? I just dropped mine in the bay on Sunday! Argh!

  248.  #248Starla on May 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    healing waterfall, yesss i love it. sounds wonderful:)

  249.  #249Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm


    Sad with you that you are feeling a little down. Glad eating helped. I get that way sometimes with sleep. I wake up feeling new and fresh.

    I still feel curious about how you got to FL…taxi cab?

  250.  #250Starla on May 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    HW, I also call girl friends over to hang out with me while i do things i don’t want to do, or go to their houses and do them. It helps “soften the blow.”

    This is how my dishes get done basically all the time. haha. Thanks to my best friend’s company.

  251.  #251Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 6:55 pm


    246 – Me too. I find I have to be very careful with what I eat. Rori said she takes food with her, even to parties! She is gluten free and sugar free – my goal! I also want to be meat free.

  252.  #252Healing Waterall on May 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    what is acv?

  253.  #253Starla on May 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    apple cider vinegar

  254.  #254Starla on May 30, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I just wanted to say that everything’s going to be okay.

    I don’t know why I want so strongly to tell you that…

    Everything is going to be okay:)

  255.  #255Daria on May 30, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Radlove – a CD flew me there. it turned out badly with him, he got kina crazy (over text) and even got my dad’s number from online somewhere and texted him crazy stuff

    good stuff is tho now i was able to tell my mom i smoke marijuana without her really trippin, since the CD had already texted about it to my dad

  256.  #256Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 7:02 pm


    253 – Apple Cinnamon Vino sounds more yummy! LOL! But yes, vinegar is great for cleansing! I’ve been craving it lately! And eating lots of cucumber salad with vinegar, honey, olive oil, seasoning, and onions. Mmmm!

  257.  #257Daria on May 30, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    re detox – i know most healers recommed cutting back and building up when you are getting a strong reaction

    reactions can get even stronger (they do eventually clear up, but can get bad – migranes, outbreaks of whatever you’ve had, etc etc)

    not ‘pushing through’ also helps with self care (not forcing yourself to suffer instead of making yourself comfortable) and is more likely to allow your subconscious mind to keep going with the detox long term

  258.  #258Daria on May 30, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    i used to be a ‘pusher thruer’

    it feels challenging for me to cut back on something

    its a new skill and its been helping me, indeed

  259.  #259Starla on May 30, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Well, ladies… today is my ‘off’ day for working out but I guess I just feel like getting in the gym anyway. I’m just running a couple miles so I won’t be hurting myself. Be back soooon:)

  260.  #260Starla on May 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    thanks for the acv info

  261.  #261Lele on May 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Ah, I see….. said the blind girl
    Thank you

  262.  #262Healing Waterall on May 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    if you are breaking out from detoxing, your liver might need extra support….that means that your liver is not able to process the load and so it is putting the toxins back into the bloodstream, so what could you incorporate that would support your liver also as you detox?
    Also anytime you are in an emotional growth period and dealing with intense emotions, you need extra support for your liver also….

    radlove, yes, my cell phone and I had a very refreshing swim the other day….it did not respond to CPR and so i think i will just have to get an iphone…

    starla, yes, i feel solidarity with you in your process with cf….have you tried the percentage gauge tool? How much of your attachment to cf is really to cf and how much of it is illuminating patterns that you are trying to heal?

    I am healing not being able to have what i want with accountantCD and so my telling him that THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT, I WANT THE FULL ENCHILADA has been very empowering, but if he texts me or emails me, i feel the tug….so i am just loving the tug and feeling very strong that i want to be loved and cherished….and there are lots of guys stepping up right now…at least on email….i know it’s enough that i need to start writing down details… names….
    i have four CD’s contacting me with the same first name….ha,ha. that is very funny.

    So that is a long winded way of saying that cf is giving you an opportunity to love yourself in a new way to you….

    i got to be in a minivan with an amazing family on the drive out west and it felt incredibly healing….the love and support her hubby showed her really allowed her to be and receive and it gave her kids and my kid a really safe space to be in….and me too, i feel like my childhood got healed in that minivan….

    so i know it is possible, there are men out there that love and protect their women and families….

  263.  #263Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 7:19 pm


    Ok, glad to hear you flew. Also cool that now your parents know about ganja, even tho it’s not cool at all he was texting your Dad.

  264.  #264Femininewoman on May 30, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Just yesterday on Know the Cause they were discussing liver support using dandelion, milk thistle, cod liver oil to name a few of the things recommended.

  265.  #265Daria on May 30, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    :: The Joy of Being Known ::

    Think of a beloved friend or family member who knows
    you so well s/he can practically “read your mind.”
    Someone who knows what pleases you without having
    to ask.

    Doesn’t it feel good to be known like that?

    Children naturally want to be known by their parents
    in that way. But parents inadvertently weaken that
    connection when they constantly ask their kids what
    they want.

    The idea that it’s rude *not* to ask comes from our
    culture of alienation. In cultures of intimacy, to be
    asked one’s preferences is to be treated like a

    Today, whenever you’re about to ask your child’s
    preference, first ask yourself if you already know
    enough to make a choice that will please him or her.
    If not, go ahead and ask. If so, act without asking.

    If your child objects to your decision, simply take in
    the new “data” and adjust course, this time or the
    next. Now you know your child a little better.

  266.  #266Starla on May 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    hm well that 2 miles felt like nothing… i guess 2 miles should be my every day thing, and then sculpting workouts on top of that 3 days a week.

    i look forward to when this all fits more conveniently into my schedule. Right now I just get up, go to work, come home, workout, eat, go to bed.

    Speaking of eating (Hi, Team Eat Something Already!), I should definitely eat something! All I had was half a sandwich for breakfast and it’s 9pm already!

    Exercise has killed my appetite.

  267.  #267sunshine on May 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    guy I met today has my younger brothers name and birthday is the same as my mom and dad’s (my parents have the same birthday)…I feel so comfortable with him and hes so sweet I will give him a chance however I hope to develop more romantic attraction at the moment feel care for him, and think hes sweet I hope it develops hes so nice!

  268.  #268Brandylion on May 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Starla, #254: Thank you. I feel good and comforted reading that.

    But here’s the thing. Everything is already okay. Things may not be how I think I want them to be, and I may be hurting, but they’re still okay. And I’m okay. I haven’t given up, I’m still voting for me; the NVs are sometimes very loud, but they haven’t won.

    Everything is already okay. I forget that sometimes (or oftentimes, of late).

  269.  #269Starla on May 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    one of the most maddening things about this CF business is seeing all the ways I could have handled things differently. And it’s not enough to just know I could have done things differently and treated him differently, because now I need time to ‘transform’ into the person I’d like to be. And on top of that, the same could be said for HIM and HIS behavior in the relationship.

    So basically there is nothing to do except forgive myself and love myself and focus on the changes i intend for myself. Reaching out to him won’t change what fundamentally needs to change in me for all my relationships moving forward, and it certainly won’t take the sting out of the fact that he sent me an email and just never spoke to me again.

    Perhaps when the time is right, the universe will put us back in touch with each other when we’ve both healed. I wouldn’t doubt it for a second that it is totally possible. Our connection is strong.

    I intend to let this go now. I send him so much love. I feel moved to tears with how much love I have for us both. I feel terrible that I lost sight of it when we were dating. I felt so terrified of being the loser in the relationship game that it preoccupied me and sold us both short.

    I feel full of regret
    And forgiveness for myself

    Hmmmmm I thought I was processing through this but I guess I’m still in the same place as when I started typing this comment.

    Ah well 😀

  270.  #270Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 9:08 pm


    Maybe the needy, lonely lil girl inside is part of the stranger inside, who needs to be faced, opened up, acknowledged, and loved. What do you think/feel?

  271.  #271sunshine on May 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    Starla, I feel similar in many ways especially my childhood and moved by your posts about this… i felt lonely and like no one was paying attention to me often all the way up through high school.
    I hope you heal and get great attention from the men you meet in the present. well heres some attention questions …
    when you were little what kind of things did you like to do? did you have any dolls or pets? was there a subject at school you liked?

  272.  #272Radlove on May 30, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    A handsome man messaged me on FB, a widower with two children. I feel disappointed he lives in Cape Town.

  273.  #273Daria on May 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    wow even the guy frmo tonite flaked

    i m feelin so sad

  274.  #274Daria on May 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    wow one of my fave cds just texted

    i thot he was gona flake for today too… he asked if he could come see me earlier and neva followed up

    i was gona drop him even tho i like him the most of all cds right nwo

  275.  #275Starla on May 30, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    Thank you, Starla, for feeding me breakfast and orange juice
    Thank you for accomplishing that annoying task for me at work today
    Thank you for running two miles
    Thank you for doing yoga
    Thank you for washing my face
    Thank you for flossing my teeth
    Thank you for feeding me dinner

    You are a lovely thing:)

  276.  #276Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    Hi Radlove –


    222 – What would help us help you is if you were to break down your last interaction or so with this man. Can you remember exactly what was said?’

    Okay – I will try – basically not a lot was said. He came over for some food but was a bit quiet and distant with me. I found being with him quite stressful. Like, we don’t seem to have any common ground and also I feel like he likes to talk about himself all the time and how great he is. He doesn’t seem to be interested in getting to know me. Yet, he has got under my skin and I find myself thining abiut him all the time… Hmmm…?!

  277.  #277Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Yay – I went running and swimming yesterday! I have a packed day today too!

    Now, to get my eatting under control. That is the area where I struggle most… Portion control and eating healthily… I find it hard to take it seriously.. I just eat whatever I fancy, whenever I fancy. I have NO discipline.. I hatr this about myself… I wishI could flip things so I loved myself…

  278.  #278Rebecca on May 30, 2012 at 11:54 pm


  279.  #279Daria on May 30, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    thanks rebecca

    actually, eating whatever you want whenever you want (with LOVE! and consciousness) is the way to health

    there are so many health coaches working with this now and many more switching over to it as people become more aware of pleasure, emotional awareness and the beneficial effect on health

    heres a coach i particularly enjoy reading her e-letters:

  280.  #280Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:04 am

    grr that cd talked about ‘come get him’ i gues he doesnt have his car

    he waited all day to call me late nite tho im not feelin that and i didnt tell him but id rather just drop him now

    hey babe, u kno last time u asked to come see me and i didnt hear from all day till late and u didnt have a car,

    i felt bad not hearin from u actually and not seein u that day

    im actually not feeling interested anymore

    – what if hes like i didnt call cuz i was tryna get a car

    well ill see then.

    i felt bad

  281.  #281Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:09 am

    im glad i am not feelin obsessive aobut why florida cd didnt follow up w me

    it was likely somethin on his side and i kinad rememberd other cds similar so not trippin now

    anymore whew!

    a cd wanted to call me late nite now and chat and i kinda got that ‘intensity’ with him and got off the phone.

    it didnt seem to push him away really which felt surprising

    i was pretty in your face

    and hes like well ill come see u soon

    and im like, ok well it will feel nice to hear from you then

    and got off teh phone lol

    hes like wow youre gonna get off the phone?

    im like yeah i dont like talking on th ephone like that

    that was good practice actually

    then i told ag uy i cant tell if hes cool or creepy and to call me

    he didnt and then i todl him not to cal or mesasge anymore

    i also told last nites flake not to contaact me anymore

    and tonites flake i lef thim a message ‘ i hope ur okay, u never showed up, if somethin happend let me know, if u decided not to come, i guess we werent a match over the phone, good luck to find a girl you like”

    very sweet


    go me w my nos

    i also was eally lean forwardy w him tho and called him a lot

    oh well

    i had anxiety

    an was trippin


    i still gota tell morning flake im not interested anymore

    im so glad im actually not interested! wow!

    yay me

    the florida thing gave me practice in that, cuz i so cut off all the flakes there!

  282.  #282Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:13 am

    then my mom came in the door and was like ‘how long oyou been on the cell phone’

    and i sadi “why’

    an shes like ‘jus aksin y u cant tel lme?’

    and im like ‘mm i feel wierd bein asked that’

    shes like ‘feel weird then’

    and close the door

    i felt sad and lonely

    this happens often

    good job for me not to answer q’s that give away my power

    AND next time no ‘why’ just ‘i feel weird’

    nice daria 🙂

    i feel so sad and lonely tho

  283.  #283Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:19 am


    When we went around the room sharing where we were at during Nita Rubio’s Tantric dance class, the word that I shared was awkward.

    As I have shared recently, it’s been a strange and unsettling time for me, and I am doing my best to sit with it.

    As we moved through the class and listened to our bodies, allowing ourselves to be guided by where we feel pleasure, having full permission to contort into strange postures or simply stay perfectly still, something almost profound happened.

    At a certain point, after exploring many active shapes, my body wanted to lie down and my spine began to wiggle like a serpent. Then my hips and my womb area wanted to circle intensely. It was very exciting. Gradually, pressure began to build, it felt like inside my womb was pressing out and I could feel I was on the edge of a breakthrough.

    Yipee! I need a breakthrough! They are so fun! And then everything feels clear! Hoorah!

    And then Nita’s voice gently reminded the class (something that I have brought to my personal practice many times through this journey of refining my relationship to energy) ‘when the intensity grows, eat it’… for me, this translated as not getting fixated or fascinated by the movement, but to actually soften the body to give the movement space to evolve.

    And so I softened. And so the sensation dissipated. Bummer. There goes my breakthrough….

    At the end of the class I shared this experience with the group and Nita reminded me of something very important, I have to let go of thinking that I know what a breakthrough looks like. Who knows? That feeling of dissipating may be leading down a new path where unknown and beautiful things are waiting.

    It felt like such a wonderful metaphor for what I have been experiencing in my life. I think after doing such powerful work for so many years, I got used to and began to rely on my breakthroughs, my successes and even my undoing looking a certain way, having a certain flavor.

    And now I feel awkward. Without an idea of what the next breakthrough might look like, with my usual tools not bringing the same relief or solace. Perhaps finally truly breaking through into something totally unknown to me.

    As I continue to stand in this unknown space I am feeling like something new is coming through in the space I am holding at my events. The ground is fertile and I genuinely feel that brings a unique opportunity for those of you who are called to join me for the Awaken Weekend.

    Every time I host this event something new opens for me. We grow together and this new unknown space feels like the razors edge of possibility.

    in love,

  284.  #284Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:34 am

    wow this mood im in sure is bringing out hte directness in me!

    hello beautiful how are u

    6 hours ago

    im feelin nice thank u

    2 hours ago

    u back n town so we can meet up or no

    45 minutes ago

    sure 🙂 if u want you can even come right now i want sumbody to coome smoke w me

    35 minutes ago

    where are u

    25 minutes ago

    im feelin all lonely today im in (my city)

    19 minutes ago

    o dam im not makin that trip 2 night lol

    hit me up tho so we can meet soon’

    11 minutes ago

    oh wow, that feels kinda bad… im not sure im really interested anymore… but i am feelin sleepy now…

    yay i told the truth!

    this guy used to be one of my faves online, but he called me to kick it before on a day that was quite deja vu to today

    he enver came and apparently forgot

    so he didnt want to cmoe, but the whole ‘lol’ thing felt bad

    this other guy said ‘oh you’ll be sleep by the time i get there’

    and im like yeah tomorrow would feel better

    that felt better to read

    but this oh im not coming lol did not

    sure my mind can ‘understand’ somoene doesnt want to drive 1 hour at 12 am

    and whatever

    but i felt bad

    and thats what matters

    it coulda been worded different, anything

  285.  #285Jessie1000 on May 31, 2012 at 12:49 am

    I figured something out tonight about Old News (my third husband) and it helps me to get over him.

    It doesnt matter how wonderful he was to me, the kids, or all people..he was like super generous and unbelievably compassionate…one day my older son was having a hard day and Old News was going to the store and My son said he wanted a choc. bar when asked….Old News got him 10!!! 10 Choc. bars…who does that?

    I saw Old News almost get into a fist fight trying to give his friend his only winter coat to wear home (his friend said no…its ok) and Old News Practically beat him up so his friend would take the coat (cause the weather turned unexpectedly)

    And Old News Loved to cook for everybody. ANyone that came over he would make a wonderful meal, tailored to their tastes and me and the kids so everyone ate with him ….then thanked his guests for dining with him and how happy that made him.

    SO….I used to think about how great OLD news was and how great I was when we were together. I felt happpy and comforted and he helped me to be a good mom and always gave me breaks and put the kids first…..

    I used to drive myself crazy. He was great! I was great with him!!

    Then I realized….thats not what matters. What matters is that since we split and he just disappeared when I moved (and I thought he was dead and he didnt show up here)…..he never lifted a finger to get back with me….

    What matters is not the greatness of both of us….but how he made me feel.

    He made me feel terrible when he abandoned us. He made me feel terrible when he just didnt call and break up! Like he wanted to not only dump me but make me feel as terrible as possible by disconnecting….

    He didnt call for months and months and If I called him he never never apologized for emotionally abandonging me.

    IN fact, he would avoid me and hang up if i cried!!

    Why would I pine for that?

    Cause I was concentrating on how great he was. Not on how great he was for taking care of me emotionally, financially and in EVERY WAY!!!

    I shifted my perspective from what hes done for us to how he made me feel immediately by not being there for me and our marriage….and wow….the LONGING went away.

    What do we all long for???

    Everyone longs for something.

    I longed for good old days without really concentrating on feeling my hurt (I think I had avoided that for some reason) in the immediate present.

    Truth is, if we were so great together he would not have been selfish and mean to me.

    Selfish people abandon their spouse (even if his weak ass answer was because I should be with someone smart like me and someone who would treat me like a queen)

    Selfish people dont consistently be there for their woman. Toxic guys control by keeping their woman unbalanced….by not consistently being available and then not communicating their problems clearly so the two people can work it out together.

    Selfish people who treat their guests nice but dump their woman when shes vulnerable are just selfish people. Nothing more and nothing less.

    I have to focus on CHOICES. That night after night he chose not to call or went to bed with other girls, or ignored the fact that I might be suffering and didnt even pick up the phone to let me know he was alive.

    Night after night he took his love away from us and the money, cars, rings, and homes do not change that emotionally that was a terrible CHOICE to make.

    TO choose to walk away, no matter if ur the president of america is just bad. Its just gross. Its just toxic and mean. TO not call is disgusting even if u have to break up so you can at least be decent and say good bye and tell the person why and not just disappear.

    To expect a woman to put up with that crap is gross. The fact that I pined for almost a year and a half for a guy who was not in fact great but was in fact ridiculous and mean to his woman is my last big mistake with men.

    No loyalty for anyone thats not loyal to me.

    Wheres my loyalty for myself?

    NOW, my loyalty is for those who make ME feel good not just others.

    Kisses everyone!

    Keep on Keeping on

  286.  #286Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:57 am

    i know i dreamt of guywho last nite

    it still felt kina slimy icky , slicky? i dono

    not so good

    but nto as bad as before maybe


  287.  #287Daria on May 31, 2012 at 12:59 am

    ouch! i dont believe in selfishness and that feels bad

    i really felt inspired and shifted by the beginning of the post though, and the transformation and the ‘forgetting of waht felt bad’

    i want to make this shift w guywho some too

  288.  #288Daria on May 31, 2012 at 1:01 am

    maybe i have

    im imgainig guy who calling and im not like ‘dying’ actually

    im like ok yah its u guywho hey

    maybe the shfit was in the dream

    maybe its the whole energy

    maybe its the crying today and really letting myself give up

    and feel taht loneliness of aloneness and always bein alone

    im doing that rori tool of imagining guys in the past cheering me on

    guy who is actualy say in go D ur doin really well for u i knew u would

  289.  #289Daria on May 31, 2012 at 1:03 am

    my cat got vaccinated and i feel worried about him… he seems more dull i feel sad

    i feel scared

    i did some EFT w him and didn’t ‘connect’ like i had before…

  290.  #290Daria on May 31, 2012 at 1:10 am

    whoa this one online cd got kina agresive w me

    and the one i said im not sure im itnerested anymore said ‘lol ok’

    that felt bad and im not feeiln interested even more


    it Is kinda like feelin bored!

    my cat jus moved nad sat on my feet 🙂 that feels nice

  291.  #291Rebecca on May 31, 2012 at 1:10 am

    Jessie1000 – I feel really moved by your words of love and devotion to your self! I will borrow them for myself and look at them whenever someone gets the better of me!!!!

  292.  #292Jenny on May 31, 2012 at 1:12 am

    289 @ Daria.

    Its normal, I got 4 cats, been vaccinated every year the last 12 years.

    They all can gets a little dull from it. Just let him rest. In a day or two he will be back on track.

    I dont know about how you live…but my cats also get more sleepy when its summer and warm.

    I understand you feel worried, nothing makes me more worried and overthinking then my cats.

  293.  #293Daria on May 31, 2012 at 1:20 am

    wow this cat on my feet really feels comforting!

  294.  #294Daria on May 31, 2012 at 1:49 am

    Thanks Jenny I feel worried I don’t want him to deal w the vaccines I don’t believe in them being safe

    It been awhile he got a rash I heard I wana do more EFT poor baby i dont want him to lose years of life to cancer due to vaccine I can eft for myself too

    Am I more committed to the story of vaccines causing illness or to actual health. Hmm

  295.  #295Sirenity on May 31, 2012 at 3:11 am

    Feeling sad.
    Had a CD trying to Friend me , ie writing me emails about his feelings for his ex and asking advice…I told him this felt bad and I felt disappointed as I had hoped to explore a little more with him!!

    And today i also received an email from an ex CD who dated me for 6 months without kissing me then dumped me as soon as I moved away. He thanked me profusely for helping him through the kubler ross stages of grief after his divorce..HUH??? (He actually said that) He then informed me he was happily “long term” with the woman who he replaced me with when i left (for family reasons to 90 mins away). She lived around the corner.

    I answered that I felt pleased he was settled But i felt like a prozac pill and that felt bad 🙂

    I love my Biatch me !!!!!!

  296.  #296Sirenity on May 31, 2012 at 3:21 am

    I love vaccinations and I feel safe and protected from measles epidemic currently , and from flu.

    Flu will put me in hospital for days and so I love vaccinations which help and protect me!!! ( I have immune issues)

  297.  #297Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 3:39 am


    276 – You said he was distant. Did he ask to come over? Were there any tense words in the time you were with him before that?

  298.  #298Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 3:44 am


    281 – “then i told ag uy i cant tell if hes cool or creepy and to call me”

    I wonder what happened to feeling messages?

  299.  #299Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 3:49 am


    284 – “sure if u want you can even come right now i want sumbody to coome smoke w me”

    I wonder what happened to letting the man set up and initiate the plan?

  300.  #300Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 3:54 am


    285 – How painful!

  301.  #301Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 3:58 am


    289 – Some vaccines had or have mercury as a preservative. I don’t know if they still do, but if they are packaged for multiple doses, they surely do, because the syringe is stuck in multiple times (usually 3) as they use it.

    At my chiropractor’s office, he gave a seminar on “Heavy Metals”. He showed a 4 minute video of the brain of a snail as it is exposed to mercury. It shrivels up. He believes mercury in vaccines is the cause of autism, altho that is debated.

    I hope none of that is the case with your cat.

  302.  #302Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 4:39 am

    Starla @266


    Eat within 1 hour post-workout with quick-digesting protein and carbohydrates (curve meal). Here, you can indulge in a delicious protein shake with some good clean carbohydrates, even the ones that are a
    little higher on the Glycemic Index (GI), such as raw honey and breads.

    Glycemic Index is a measure of the effect of food on blood-sugar levels. If a food is high on the GI, this means this food will cause your blood sugars to rise quickly after ingesting the meal. With a spike in blood sugar, insulin is signaled and storage is inevitable. In order to lose weight and keep the weight off, eating foods that are low on the GI is key.

    Eating foods that are high on the GI should only be consumed postworkout when the body can use the quick rise in blood sugars to shuttle proteins and nutrients into the muscle for recovery – hence, why you should always have protein and carbohydrates following your workout.

    As stated earlier, insulin is a hormone known for it’s storage capability. Insulin is high following exercise and is, therefore, responsible for shuttling (storage) carbohydrates and proteins into the muscle.

    Simple carbohydrates such as white flour and refined sugar cause an insulin surge. If you are eating these at any time other than postworkout, fat storage will result as there is little storage space available
    in your body’s for carbohydrates. Carbohydrates purpose is for energy. Fat is simply stored energy.

    That said, sticking to clean carbohydrates throughout your entire diet will reap benefits of overall health and ensuring these clean grains will be put to proper use in the body.

    ©2012 Flavilicious Fitness. All Rights Reserved

  303.  #303Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 5:50 am

    I have at least 4 girlfriends with kids who were healthy up to about age 2 when the kids were diagnosed with autism. Only 2 of these ladies know each other and each of them can track the progress of the disease related to vaccines. As I was aware the “debated” link and because of my friends experience I ensured that my kids vaccines were never on time. They had to play catch up when the schools eventually requested to health records. I wanted the immune systems to be in a more advanced stage of development than the standard when vaccines are required.

  304.  #304Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 5:57 am

    Jessie your story reminded of man who once told me when his relationship breaks he just moves away and doesn’t look back. He said he was so much in love that he couldn’t handle the hurt and might have done something crazy to get her back. As he didn’t want to do that he just cut his losses and moved on without looking back. Men think differently than we do.

  305.  #305Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 6:08 am

    I’m with those of you who are finding mornings hard. It’s not that I have difficulty getting out of bed. It’s that the first thing I think of (still!) is PriestCD.

    (BTW, what happened to, “I’m still not sure if I’m being called to the priesthood,” since he’s now dating someone else? WTH?! I feel bad for this new girl getting dragged into his muck. I feel even more bad for myself for having gotten dragged into it and then choosing to stay there!)

    I had a really good talk with my best friend last night, telling her what I’d realized since we talked Monday night and about the processing I’d done. When I was telling her about a particularly upsetting sequence of events wherein it became clearer that he did not recognize how important it was to me to have plans made in advance (and this was an LDR!), she said that what she heard me saying is that I didn’t think I deserved a man who loved me like that. And I thought to myself later, well, isn’t that what I just posted on here?

    Why is it that so many other people in my life, from friends to coworkers, have told me that I *do* deserve that, but I’m having such a hard time really, truly, deeply believing it? My newly-acquired confidence from a year ago has been badly shaken by my experience with PriestCD.

    He was attracted initially because I was being a siren, but then I stopped being a siren when I started caring more about him and the relationship than I did about me, just like I’d done with even with crushes my whole life. On the surface, I was using Siren Skillz (hehehe), but deep down I was falling back into old patterns, and some of them (like feeling humiliated and not even recognizing it as such) were so deep that it’s taken me months even to see it!

    I have so much learning left to do, and I feel discouraged. I thought I had come farther in the last couple of years than I really had, and I feel disappointed discovering it. I guess at least I can say I’m not still where I was then, right?

  306.  #306Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 6:14 am

    I’m quite of weary of vaccines as well.

  307.  #307April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 6:19 am


    I’m enjoying your stories, and I have no idea why you are addressing them to me personally.

    I’m not enjoying this word ‘thug’ that you seem to be using a lot. It makes me feel sick to call a fellow human a name like that. It seems like a judgemental label and I would not want to label myself or anyone else that way, whether I care about them or not.

    It seems to me to be too easy to label people and fix them into a type.
    I choose to believe that no two humans are the same.

  308.  #308Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Jessie, what you said about focusing on what made him great and ignoring what made him not great for you really resonated with me. I felt really comforted, seeing that I’m not alone in having done this!

  309.  #309Francesca on May 31, 2012 at 6:25 am


    I believe it takes some time to totally slip into a siren skin and really feel comfortable and secure enough to “be” one entirely.

    I believe in trial and error.

    I believe in giving myself another chance.

    Give yourself another chance, girl.

    Give yourself at least as much attention as you used to give him.

    You are the most important person in your life.

    I reckon you know what to do, right? 😉

  310.  #310Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 6:46 am

    FW, #309: Yes, I do! CD myself. Be a nice girl to myself. Never stop doing those things, which also means thinking more about myself than about a man.

    I think you were right about my resistance revealing that I don’t actually want a relationship right now, so I am not going to CD men. I’m leaving for AZ for the whole summer Tuesday anyway, so I do have plenty of other things to focus on between now and the last day of classes on August 2.

  311.  #311Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Hmmmmm. Am I really wanting to be triggered for healing when meeting PriestCD for lunch next week, or I am just looking to punish myself with how awful it could feel?

  312.  #312Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Brandylion you have to read the new article

  313.  #313Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I feel so uncertain now that seeing him will actually feel good. I feel afraid it’s just going to feel awful. Why does him having a new girlfriend change things so much for me? Hmm. I can always change my mind by next week.

  314.  #314Sassy on May 31, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Jessie, your post about the selfishness really resonated with me. That was 100% smack right on the case with JT.
    Truth hurts

  315.  #315ulii on May 31, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I am definitely not ready to be a magnet yet.

    I don’t know if it’s about my energy these days, but I keep attracting mostly only sex-oriented interest in guys. And part of me likes it. But then I try to be open & vulnerable (inspiration from Jenny), speak in feeling messages…. And I don’t know if it is that I am not doing them right,
    I feel bad.
    I feel lonely.
    I feel nervous…
    I don’t feel good initiating a contact.
    It would feel great if you would plan the place & time for us.
    I might be adding some explanation to it. Or they get suspicious if i chat with more guys at onece (if online) or my body language is not right (if it’s an actual meeting in person with someone)… I don’t know.

    But I get all these guys angry at me and calling me selfish & cold & all about myself… and making them suffer..and not caring about them at all etc… And “no wonder I don’t have a friend”..

    So I am left alone feeling terrible. Thinking that they are probably right. And this is when I a m actually trying to break my patterns (I used to be really cold literally, sarcastic… and jump out of frightened when somebody even tried to physically touch me. And now I am trying a lot to be apoen, leaning back, feeling messages… But seems i’m not getting it right.

  316.  #316Radlove on May 31, 2012 at 8:09 am

    April Rose,

    307 – What?!?! I feel taken aback! I feel a distance between us, and I don’t want to feel that way with you.

    One of your last posts, you were talking playfully and lovingly about “thugs”. You wrote (((thugs))), and I forget what else. That is the word YOU chose!

    I shared with you a true story about a thug, and you stated that you felt angry. So I shared a couple other things about “thugs” that were more playful.

    Gosh, I feel pain in my heart. I feel at a loss as to how to relate to you.

  317.  #317Brandylion on May 31, 2012 at 8:32 am

    I feel embarrassed that I confused FW and Francesca; I didn’t really read the name on #309, I just saw a capital F. Whoops! *sheepish grin*

  318.  #318Femininewoman on May 31, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Ulii maybe somewhere in your mind you are giving people who say these things too much power. You can disagree with them.

  319.  #319ulii on May 31, 2012 at 8:59 am


    Thank you FW, yes…I tend to do that. I still want everybody to like me. And the urge to start to justify and prove I am not a cold & self-centered person is huge. I even start to bring examples to prove that. 🙂
    Just that lately many men have told me that I am. And I feel it’s not enough if I myself feel differently. I start to doubt my own judgement.

  320.  #320April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 9:09 am


    The ‘thug’ word came right out of the blue at me.
    I think it was Emoticon who was using that word.

    Not me.

    There are no thugs in my life.

    I felt angry the first time you associated me with thugs and then continued.

  321.  #321April Rose on May 31, 2012 at 9:11 am


    We can relate to each other fine. I love you.

    I understand it was a misunderstanding. It wasn’t me who used that word and you thought it was.

    I’m happy to let it go now.

  322.  #322Rebecca on May 31, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I was having some thoughts about men.. And comparing a relationship to a friendship – and basically what you would accept in a relationship BUT not in a friendship. Ie:

    If a friend didn’t call when they said they would
    If a friend let you down at the last minute
    If a friend teased you or made you feel bad about yourself
    If a friend only saw you sporadically and always on their terms
    If a friend showed little interest in youe life or your feelings
    If a friend didn’t offer you advice and support when needed
    If a friend didn’t pick up when you were worried about something but unable to say
    If a friend made you feel bad about yourself or embarrased you in company
    If a friend put down your achievements and overly focused on your failings

    Then would you want or allow this friend in your life? No? Then why accept it from a man/boyfriend or anyone else for that matter…

    Just my own meanderings for the day!

  323.  #323Unsure on May 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Hello there,

    Just want to have some thoughts on how soon can someone date after a break-up. Just broken up 2 months ago after almost a 4 year relationship. Was eyeing on internet dating to begin with but only for friendship…any thoughts?


  324.  #324Rori Raye on May 31, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Unsure – I know that most people say to hang with friends, cry it out, grieve…and I don’t like any rules. Anytime I did that, I ended up just as stupid and sad about love as I felt the day of the breakup. I say get out there and Circular Date and practice the tools – even if you’re crying in front of the cabbages in the market. This is the time to learn to be vulnerable and raw – in public. A huge opportunity to be more yourself instead of “perfectly put together.” Love, Rori

  325.  #325Tereana on May 31, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Brandylion – I’m glad you could resonate with my post!

    Radlove – Thanks for the analogy with your dad. I feel a little weird, but also validated by what you said. Because that was my instinctual response, after I got over the feelings of anger and mistrust and all of that. I simply said softly, to myself, “Thanks mom. I think I’ll do it the way I want to do it.” I considered actually writing that to her, but I haven’t. If I thought it would do any good, I would, but my mom can be very defensive. I have to pick my battles….

    And it felt good just to think it. I wasn’t sure that I had to make it a sharing thing….

    Nice to know I’m not alone in that, though!

  326.  #326sunshine on June 1, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    I feel weird, guilty, and confused as to why im feeling the way i do….I went on a second date with match guy and i felt really attracted to him we walked around and he made the move and made out (long kiss I should say) anyway he was making some “noises” while we were kissing and it was ahem weird. I felt weird after that I dont know it was kind of a freaky kiss and I went with it but it wasnt romantic you know what I mean? anyway it was ackward after that and he wasnt as gentelmany you could sayn lol it was just a kiss but I felt weird after…and I even felt naucious and a hint of wanting to throw up how come?I thought I liked it

  327.  #327sunshine on June 1, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Im trying to figure this out hmmm well he seemed so sweet and like a gentleman and then he straight up got all freaky and I dont know Im human so I felt turned on by the kiss. I feel annoyed and really uncentered because I cant figure him out…

  328.  #328sunshine on June 1, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    I know, I feel angry because he wooed me and Im annoyed lol I like to be a little more hard to get and even though its not like we had sex Im still annoyed that he got a good one, damn Im a makeout slut…

  329.  #329Radlove on June 2, 2012 at 6:24 am


    That last line in 328 feels harsh to read. Can you give compassion to your humanity? I tell myself it is okay to feel, and to respond to the touch and attention of a man.

    FYI, most of us post on the newest thread, found here:

  330.  #330Feeling Lost Girl on June 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Dear Rori,
    I Have read through a lot of your materials, but I seem to be stuck in some sort of “casual dating”routine, and I don’t know how to express this without rocking the boat and messing things up. I met a wonderful man last fall and it was instant sparks and we both felt and expressed a sense of a deep connection and bond with each other. We’ve been dating ever since non-stop as he treats me exceptionally well, calls and makes plans to see me several times a week & includes me in most of his social plans with family, friends and coworkers which he introduced me to early on. I had mentioned when we first met that I was looking for a serious Long-term committed relationship and eventually marriage. He has been the “pursuer” always calling & making plans to see me all the time, but he seems elusive when it comes to the relationship/ commitment talk, never really mentioning how he really feels about what he wants for his future. We have been dating for well over 6 months now and he has not once brought up our relationship or future together, even though he tells me how much he likes me, etc. But, he has yet to officially introduce me as his girlfriend and I’m starting to feel like we’re in a relationship that hasn’t been discussed or negotiated. I don’t want to be the one to initiate the “relationship talk” and put any kind of pressure on him, but how do I communicate what I don’t want (just a casual dating routine) and that I’m not entirely happy with just “endless dating” without knowing what it even is, or where it’s heading? Help please…

  331.  #331Rori Raye on June 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Feeling Lost – I know you’ll get lots of scripting help here….6 months is still a little early….and yet it seems you’re exclusive with him – and therein lies the problem. You’re going to have to put a ‘speech” together and say something like…”Honey…I know we’ve been dating only 6 months, and that we’ve never had any kind of “talk” and I feel really happy with the way things are….do you have any idea of how you see things going for us down the line? What do you want?” You might go get Virginia Clark’s book at and talk with her…she has a great story of her own…Love, Rori

  332.  #332Annie on June 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Hi Rori and Unsure – “I know that most people say to hang with friends, cry it out, grieve…and I don’t like any rules. Anytime I did that, I ended up just as stupid and sad about love as I felt the day of the breakup. I say get out there and Circular Date and practice the tools – even if you’re crying in front of the cabbages in the market. This is the time to learn to be vulnerable and raw – in public. A huge opportunity to be more yourself instead of “perfectly put together.” Love, Rori”

    I too like you Rori found that hanging out with friends or others in the same boat made me feel worse talking about it felt like reliving it and made me feel stuck awful. awful, awful. On the other hand circular dating at times also didn’t work as yes I was vulnerable and raw but to the point of feeling total embarrassment by not just crying but completely breaking down to the point where it felt like I was having a panic attack and a nervous breakdown. I still feel unsure if I really did have a nervous breakdown. It felt very scary to the point where a couple of days I chose to stay in lock the door cry and process. What worked for me was to only go on a a date with myself to do something active that stopped me thinking like dancing. Still had to process at a later date though.

  333.  #333Annie on June 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I feel unsure what to do with a new CD, he has been kind and mainly felt good in his company, I went with an open mind feeling open to practice the tools and see what triggered. I now feel triggered although he has been kind, I feel turned off by his breath, irritated by his humming and felt stiff and cringing when he ran his hand down my back when dancing. I feel like pulling back, distancing myself as after one date one to one ( we have seen each other and chatted on several occasions previously at group social events ) although he says he wants to get to know me better, I feel like pulling back as I feel a bit smothered like he already thinks we are in a relationship.
    My instinct knows he is not my man. Do you think I really can know that so soon without giving him more of a chance?

  334.  #334Annie on June 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Also I have learned by observing what I do is that I feel frozen if a man who is being kind to me touches me and I don’t like it or want him to. If they haven’t been kind to me and just fancy me I do not have this problem in speaking up for myself and stating my boundary. I feel hugely triggered when a kind man in other ways does this. I feel sure it is because my step father did this to me and I felt frozen and scared to stand up to him and say I felt grossed out and didn’t want it. I really want some help on how to speak up. It’s like I put their feelings first because they have showed me some kindness in other ways. Gosh i want some help, feel sad about this, I want to heal this.

  335.  #335Smilingdiva on June 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    I have four men in my life, one calls constant until recently he calls started dropping and he has promised to take me to his parent as his would be wife at the end of the month.
    Dan is in a job training some cities away from mine he didn’t ask me to start dating he told me straight on my face he want to marry me because he has know me all through my college years.
    Jone we have been in and out of relationship for the past 6years. Recently he stopped calling and rarely even pick my calls claiming he is busy.
    I meet white recently very sweet guy, I blow it up by having sex with him and now he does call like he used to.
    The first two have not kissed me before and the last two have had sex with me. Pls how do I break up with jone and stop having sex with white

  336.  #336Rori Raye on June 11, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Smilingdiva – Welcome, and you are asking questions that only you have the answer to. You break up by saying basically “I’m not available” when he asks you out…and that you “Just don’t feel we’re a match.” You stop stuff by simply stopping. Love, Rori

  337.  #337Shelley on August 1, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Dear Rori
    Please can you help me.
    I made the fateful mistake of falling for a man who became a closefriend to me so much that my actions ended up looking like I was stalking him. In fact really what had happened previously, left me so baffled by his withdrawal that all I really wanted was an answer for his sudden withdrawal that I tried desperately to communicate with him to no avail and it ended up looking very badly for me in the workplace. I did not ever intend to hurt him in fact I ended up being hurt more than him. His levels of communication have been very baffling since that time and even though I still really really like him. I fear that I have ruined any chances of renewing any form of communication with him. I was seriously not looking for love at the time and I am not really interested in finding it even if I am unsuccessful here. It is not on my agenda otherwise

  338.  #338Rori Raye on August 1, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Shelly – Stop whatever you’re doing NOW! Stop THINKING about this man – stay away from him, do not call, email, text – nothing. Now – get out there and Circular Date. If you want some personalized help – I recommend my “Love Forever” program – it’s what I created only for my clients – it’s not in the catalog…

    Love, Rori