Love Forever Teleclass #9 Tonight at 5:30 PST

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Here’s the link to get on the call, ask me your personal questions, get your love situation addressed live – AND get access to the entire 12+ hours of my Love Forever program recordings and membership!–>.

See you there! Love, Rori

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  1.  #1T-Girl on November 14, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    So many new threads!

  2.  #2Femininewoman on November 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm


  3.  #3Daria on November 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm


  4.  #4Calypso on November 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    I can’t keep up – lol

  5.  #5Starla on November 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    meee either

    and i wish memulo would come back!

  6.  #6FlowerChild77 on November 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Does anyone know (I’ve asked this a few times already, both here and on Siren Island) if the price to join this group stays the same (so I know what my “goal” is) or does it go up each time there is a new class added?

  7.  #7Starla on November 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    hey rori

    Flowerchild has a question about the classes:

    “Does anyone know (I’ve asked this a few times already, both here and on Siren Island) if the price to join this group stays the same (so I know what my “goal” is) or does it go up each time there is a new class added?”

  8.  #8Starla on November 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    flowerchild i just asked rori for you by putting a comment into moderation.

  9.  #9FlowerChild77 on November 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Oh, thank you Starla <3

  10.  #10Happy on November 14, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    I feel downhearted tonight.

    Being open got me walked all over.

    Tonight I told a guy It didn’t feel good to buy men drinks, it came up in a dating conversations he said about this girl…”and she never even bought a drink” so I said as a girl it doesn’t feel good to buy men drinks. I triggered him majorly. He told me to open my mind and sat with his arms folded.
    Later in the evening he bought me a drink, I said this feels awkward after the convo we just had.He still paid.

    Hmm why did I feel like I was wrong to not buy men drinks?

  11.  #11Happy on November 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    I feel trodden on by strummingman. I feel in shock he has announced being in a relationship.

  12.  #12Happy on November 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I feel sick

  13.  #13Happy on November 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Feeling untrustworthy of men

    I feel like finding out who she is and showing her his recent messages of the last month.


    I love my disbelief

  14.  #14Goddess Lily on November 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    I can’t keep up with these posts either. I don’t even think I read the actual article on the last one.

  15.  #15Goddess Lily on November 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm


    I feel like I understand your hope with Mr. P.

  16.  #16Goddess Lily on November 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    No word from CaliCD. Uugghhhh!!!! I want to ask him if he is still coming and if we are still meeting tomorrow but I’m pretty sure I know what you all would say to that. Especially the JD from the last thread. This dude has my number and my email. He knows how to get in touch with me. Booooooo

  17.  #17Happy on November 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    I feel disrespected.

  18.  #18Happy on November 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    I have beautiful friends

  19.  #19Happy on November 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I feel stronger

  20.  #20Mercedes on November 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Happy: I think it is AWESOME that you were honest with him about how you feel. Not only was he not all that bothered by your comment (if he was he wouldn’t have bought the drink), it ensures that you don’t end up with a man who expects you to pay. He knows how you feel about it, if he isn’t the right man for you, he’ll move on. 🙂 I personally love that.

    To me, the alternative is you being irritated by him because he expects you to pay and all that irritation building up inside you while you sit quietly. This way is PERFECT…if you want to be with a man who pays and he wants to be with a woman who pays, you can both move on from each other without wasting time.

    Oh…and I don’t think you got walked over, he got cranky (that’s his stuff though, not yours) and you got your drink. He’s probably still wondering why he bought it but I bet he’s also a little blown away by a woman who actually said something to him about it. I LOVE it!

    I love, love, love your honesty with him!!! 🙂

    Much Love,

  21.  #21Calypso on November 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    110 FW –from the other thread – I just read your post about people calling you when you are thinking about them – I have often wondered if you are thinking about them because they are thinking about you . . . they are obviously thinking about you or they would not have called – right? GM has been wanting to send me that pic, which is why i have been thinking about him and wondering if he got his new tatoo . . .

  22.  #22Happy on November 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Yey mercedes, I spoke my truth and didn’t even realise what I was doing. Yes yes yes!!!
    Hedidnt agree but your right I don’t want to be with a guy like that.
    I was just out with a group of friends, it wasn’t a date so that feels even more great actually that he bought me a drink.

    I started off writing about my feelings about strummingman. That was the being open got me walked over. We were together 2 years and lived together. He was elastic banding for months. The last month he stepped up more cooked for me etc I’ve just found out he’s in a relationship and living with someone. Working roris flypaper tool I feel just got me walked over. I feel harsh saying that but I should have just walked away. I had no expectations but I feel sad he could say do intimate things when he was with someone not just dating.

  23.  #23Mercedes on November 14, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Ahh…Happy…I did misunderstand who/what you were referring to with the walked on comment but I get it now.

    So…here’s my take if you want it (if you don’t, please skip over it…I won’t be offended):

    You know how you just said “you’re right I don’t want to be with a guy like that” (about the guy who bought you the drink) and it makes you feel good to know that and to know yourself well enough to realize you DO NOT want to be with a man who feels that way about paying for a drink?

    Well….any chance you could think “you’re right I don’t want to be with a guy like that” when it comes to a man who could do intimate things when he was with another woman?

    strummingman hurt you and OMGOD I know how much that hurts…trust me…I KNOW how much that hurts. But….do you really want a man like that? No further worries about him are necessary here. He was an a@@…so you now know what he’s like and you know that’s not the kind of man you want to be with and “thanks for the drink (sex, conversation, dates, whatever) bye-bye now” and walk away.

    I know you wish you had walked away sooner but sometimes, practicing a tool is better than walking away because it gives you an experience that you can draw from and remember. Sometimes, walking away is the right thing to do. I believe, because of your experience here, you will know exactly what to do when faced with a similar situation in the future.

    Again…I know how much it hurts though but please don’t think of it as being walked on. We are walked on when we allow that stuff to happen. In your case, you didn’t know. You weren’t walked on, you were tricked by a jerk. If you let him do it to you again, that’s where I’ll agree you were walked on and we’ll start working on your self-esteem. For now, if you can totally walk away from this man, no need for further contact, “thanks for your time bye-bye now”….then I’ll be super incredibly happy for you!!!

    Much Love,

  24.  #24Happy on November 14, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    My friend said something lovely.

    “you have such a lovely positive relationship to offer, he was just too weak to join you. You are stronger regardless”

  25.  #25Goodheart on November 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    There is a mighty power in your heart. To experience this power firsthand, the next time you are in a conversation with somebody, imagine that your words are coming from your heart, rather than your mind. While speaking, stay focused on your words coming from your heart. As you do this you will feel a wave of utter bliss move through you. As you become practiced, you will see the effect of your heart on the person you are speaking with. The power of your heart will also reach many others, as nothing can get in the way of its powerful radiation.

    ~Just read this & wanted to share~

  26.  #26Happy on November 14, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Mercedes, thank you. Yes, I don’t want a man like this. I can walk away Stronger. I didn’t know he was with someone else, otherwise I’d have walked away sooner. I am thankful for the experience. Thank you for helping this feel clearer to me.

    My self esteem is sky high!

  27.  #27Daria on November 14, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    “Hey beautiful”

    “Hey 🙂 thank you for the compliment”

    “Welcome seriously I wanna slam that sexy ass in every possible position. Lol imma a perv”

    “Lol wellu r funny too nice save 🙂 ”

    (the ‘lol ima perv’ saved him from turning me off and getting the dreaded ‘walk away no response’)

  28.  #28Daria on November 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    will see what happens. read his responses… feeling scared trembly in chest now.. indicating… i feel unsure

  29.  #29Mercedes on November 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    YAY Happy!! I’m logging off now but I’m sooooo glad you see it this way!!!

    When a man tricks us, it is NOT our fault…that’s ALL on HIM. If however, we let him trick us again, then, we KNOW we have some work to do on ourselves.

    (I don’t mean if we ever take him back again, sometimes that’s a good things. What I mean is if we let him do that same thing to us again. J cheated on me and I took him back but I can assure you, I was a WHOLE DIFFERENT WOMAN and he was an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MAN by the time that happened. Seven years later, I think we’ve proven that.).

    I’ve been there…tricked once…allowed crap to happen twice…married the wrong man for not knowing myself…jumped into something else that wasn’t right….on and on and on.

    I’ve learned…the repeat stuff is ME. The initial stuff when I honestly didn’t know….that’s all on HIM.

    Have a great night!!

    Much Love,

  30.  #30Daria on November 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    i feel hungry!

  31.  #31Daria on November 14, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    No Name CD “I want to make love to you again. i miss you beautiful. and i miss your beautiful body”

    awww 🙂

  32.  #32Mercedes on November 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Or…eight years…I think J and I have been together solid for eight years now, not seven…oops!! 🙂

  33.  #33Happy on November 14, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Mercedes, Yes there is definitely a difference! Thank you again X

  34.  #34Rori Raye on November 14, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Starla – and to all – once you’ve paid the membership “fee” – you get access to (and you can DOWNLOAD them to your computer and ipod, too…) all the recordings so far – about 12+ hours – AND every single Love Forever teleclass after that for free. It’s like a membership with a one-time fee.

    Just this, though – sometimes I do other things – like a You Get Love group coaching class, or another kind of teleclass or group – and those aren’t included. They’re separate things. But I intend to do one new Love Forever Q & A style teleclass every 2 months – all for free once you sign up! Love, Rori

  35.  #35Tam on November 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    So what happened with MrP?
    I am at home sitting amongst packed bags which is what I knew would happen.
    He came, was very sweet, fixed my internet and my Tv and was so lovely. He did everything. Then as he holds my phone, a text (just a number not name) comes in and he says: ‘who is that?’
    And I replied ‘no idea, it’s a number, let me check the message history’ and as I checked I said ‘aaah, now I know who it is just some guy who has a harley and wanted to takle me for a ride but I never met him’.
    So he gets up and says: ‘we can’t be friends because I can’t trust you, if ever you need anything fixing or whatever, I’ll help but that’s it now and I am out of here’. I just crashed down on the floor in the middle of all my packed bags and said ‘but, I did not lie, and I feel terrible now, and so sad, we were just about to go?’ he said ‘ please don’t feel sad, but I am leaving’, stroked my head and walked out.
    What can I say?
    Impulsivity, jealousy, mistrust. Loves me but can’t do it.
    I feel loved but also kind of abused, like I am abused by his mental stuff and the impulsivity and the anger and I hate it and it feels bad and this experiment it over.
    I am gutted because I could see the love in his eyes, but this is too painful. Really.

  36.  #36Radlove on November 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm


    The Love Forever Teleseminar is a flat $200, no matter when or how long.

  37.  #37Starla on November 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Jeez louise… seriously? I feel angry at him for you.

    when guys ask me “who’s that,” I just say “a friend.”

    I’ve been super clear with details to men about other men, and they CANNOT HANDLE IT. It hurts their feelings.

    Let the mystery bring out their competitive drive.

    Forgive the blanket stereotype, but they’re big babies about this stuff.

    blah gross

  38.  #38Goddess Lily on November 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Wow Tam, just wow….

    Did you see that coming? Or is this new behavior?


  39.  #39Starla on November 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Also, ladies, and Tam, I would consider the possibility that Mr P was looking for an ‘out’ of this trip. Even subconsciously.

    In hindsight I can see lots of times CF would pick conflicts or let fights brew because he wanted out of something he planned for us. We’d spend all night hashing something out (something I let happen because I felt an urgency to make up before the next day when he had something planned for us), and then he’d drop me off at the door saying “oh hey about tomorrow…. i don’t have the money” or some other reason.

    This is freaking childish behavior. Or not. It’s whatever. But I just don’t like it; it feels bad, and I feel excited about being with a man who always follows through with his plans or isn’t so scared of abandonment that he can just TELL ME LIKE AN ADULT, without throwing fights in for distraction, that he is unable to follow through.

  40.  #40Tam on November 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Starla, I don’t know. I can understand him in some ways but the reaction was not appropriate. That’s the way he is, impulsive and angry at times, and it’s part of his problems and issues.
    That makes no difference. I just don’t even want to feel like this again and I could see it coming as we had been close this weekend and it freaks him out.
    I knew something was coming. He was terribly nervous while here, opening and closing cupboards and stuff…going in and out of my fridge, picking at food, looking through my stuff trying to find something that would set him off, well he did eventually. He was in a bad way today, but why should I always care?
    He should care how I feel.
    When I said that I felt bad, he was moved and kept saying ‘don’t feel bad, please, I don’t want you to feel bad’ – but he still left.
    Poor man. But I am not his mother or his fixer upper.
    I need to save myself here.

  41.  #41Starla on November 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    “I knew something was coming. He was terribly nervous while here, opening and closing cupboards and stuff…going in and out of my fridge, picking at food, looking through my stuff trying to find something that would set him off, well he did eventually. He was in a bad way today, but why should I always care?”

    bingo. looking for an out.


    you deserve better, babygirl

  42.  #42Tam on November 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    38, Goddess, not new behaviour and he is not just like that with me, it’s part of his problems. He does it with everybody, well, the people closest to him.

  43.  #43Tam on November 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    I know that Starla, thank you. 🙂

  44.  #44Starla on November 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    “but the reaction was not appropriate.”

    when you have history with a man, i think it can be an appropriate reaction

    if it’s just starting out, then no, they really shouldn’t get so jealous and angry… it’s bad form:)

  45.  #45Goddess Lily on November 14, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    That’s unfortunate. How his fear causes him to react. At least you know you did nothing to hurt him.

  46.  #46Tam on November 14, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    yeah, he freaked. he nearly had his ‘out’ this morning already… but it’s not just that. He isn’t a well man, was quite obvious while he was here…still well enough to care, when I felt stressed with the internet stuff, he was very nice ‘don’t feel stressed, I will get this straight for you’ and so on.
    But yes, something was off, gets close and freaks out. So sad and so bad for me.
    Well, seems like the story is over for once and all. I think all the Rori stuff kept this alive for longer than it should have been.
    I need to let go completely now.
    It would be easier if he was an arse, alas I see that he has love for me and was a total sweetheart as well as being an arse.
    Pfff. Letting go might not be enough. I might need to block him from my life…oh how hard that will be 🙁

  47.  #47Starla on November 14, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    i’m not saying that he should have left you there, but it wasn’t inappropriate for him to get upset

    a big boy would have talked to you about it.

    he walked out

    argh, i feel so bummed for you

  48.  #48Starla on November 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    i just put up my out of office auto responder and am going to take a nice 4 day weekend for myself, so I have to get going:)

    But I wanted to say to Tam,

    This crap with Mr P reminded me of crap I went through with CF. And how maddening it was. And I really appreciate the reminder, and am going to enjoy the next 4 days of consciously, actively THROWING THAT MAN’S MEMORY OFF MY BACK.

    Blah. No more.

    We deserve better.

    Thank you, tam <3

  49.  #49Tam on November 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Starla, history with a man yes, but we don’t have a relationship and he was contacting other women and they were contacting him – so I still don’t believe the reaction was appropriate, considering I already had the key in my hands and we were just about to set off for a few days at his place.

  50.  #50Tam on November 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Starla, we absolutely deserve better. I am not doing this again.

  51.  #51Tam on November 14, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    47 Starla, you are probably gone, but the fact that he got upset about another guy texting me actually made me feel great initially, I thought ‘aha, he is jealous, this is good’ but then I quickly realised that he was freaking…and realised that this was not good. I completely understand him in a way and I would have gotten triggered too..but I would never have let that ruin our time together…and an adult rational man shouldn’t have either.
    His love for me overwhelms him, I saw that today, but hey, I am not a Psychologist, I am a woman who want to have a man by her side, not tripping her up!

  52.  #52Ulii on November 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm



    That’s heartbreaking to read…

    To me it’s clearly overreacted. Doesn´t he see that himself?
    Too bad for him…

    I feel so sad for you having to go through this. 🙁

  53.  #53Annie on November 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Hugs Tam.

    ” we can’t be friends because I can’t trust you”

    If you are just ‘friends’ or even if you are dating if he hasn’t asked you to be an exclusive girlfriend why aren’t you allowed to get texts from other men and date other men or have other men as man friends?

    What was the ‘arrangement’ you had?
    What was he offering you?

  54.  #54Annie on November 14, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    What were you going to his house as?

  55.  #55Tam on November 14, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Ulii, Annie, thank you. The man is not well, it is no excuse, but he has severe problems with himself…including the anger and impulsivity and a host of other stuff I am not comfortable of bringing up.
    We were starting to get to know each other again and it was going well this weekend, hence this now. I felt loved and I know there isn’t anyone else. It was too early to start talking relationship anyway..and I just wanted to wait and see and find out.
    He has big trust issues and didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t have anyone else, and then – wham – the text came as he held my phone in his hand. Not exactly great timing. Well, it is what it is – better now than later.
    I love him, he loves me. Meh. That’s life.
    Gotta move on.

  56.  #56Tam on November 14, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Annie, I was all of the above, actually. The whole mix.

  57.  #57Annie on November 14, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Hugs Tam XX ok NN.

  58.  #58Tam on November 14, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Thank you Annie. I guess the worst was that he was behaving so normal and lovely on the weekend…and today he just looked crazy, actually. In fact, so crazy that I couldn’t even be angry with him and it is heart wrenching to see an adult man so inept, like a confused little boy.
    Yikes. Not good for a relationship though, not at all fit for that.

  59.  #59Tam on November 14, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    I feel like I can move on, finally. Perhaps it needed the final bust up. I spewed a little over him, some texts and emails and that is fine as I am done here, so no need to lean back, he needed the feedback lol. No, really.
    I have a lot of compassion for the man. I also wanted him to know that the feelings I had for him were real and that I don’t want to see him again but that he can feel loved.
    He is very much loved for who he is and I don’t think he ever had that much either in his life.
    Aw. Now I feel like a mother or sister or something, but no longer a girlfriend. No.

  60.  #60LoveAlways on November 14, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Hi Sirens

    My leaning back is going better. Just need to work on my feeling messages. I’ve been asking questions without breaking the 4 rules. I’m totally open to cding now. Listening to targeting mr. right this week. A little emotional roller-coastering but no tears this week!!

  61.  #61Daria on November 14, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Drama w a cd oops diva status

  62.  #62Daria on November 14, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Another cd coming soon while I take myself to curry

    He asked for money back on a gift and I said wow I feel shocked and wow I feel bummed and he said don’t worry then

  63.  #63Daria on November 14, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    I’m feeling sad

  64.  #64Daria on November 14, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    I’m feeling happy !

  65.  #65Daria on November 14, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I feel uncomfortable

    It’s ok for her to be angry

    It’s ok for her to be disrespecting that child

  66.  #66Daria on November 14, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    I don’t want to deal with this! I feel icky !


    I feel upset!

    I fee awful
    I want to feel good

    I want to feel happy

    I want to feel free and loved and supported!

    Sooooooo anger

  67.  #67Femininewoman on November 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I knew something was coming – is this a case of “more dropping shoes?

  68.  #68LiliBee on November 14, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    I just got off Rori’s teleclass.

    She answered my question, Yey! 🙂
    She’s so awesome!
    She went way over the expected time to go through every single question received and answered each one of them so thoroughly.
    It’s worth every penny!..and I paid only 1 time months ago!

    THANK YOU RORI! for being so generous of your time.

    I literally felt like I was soaking in a bathtub of Rori tools & stuff.
    I feel so relaxed and calm.

    I really did soak in alot.

  69.  #69Miss Bells on November 14, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Great teleclass! I got some really good tools for how to deal when your manis is all F-ed up physically. Now I know I’m doing the right thing…

  70.  #70Indigo on November 14, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Starla #39

    YES! Things were going well between my ex and I (we had our fits and starts but they were on an upward trend…) we were pretty much living together. He had invited me on this beautiful holiday with his family (all expenses paid), he *knew* how much it meant to me.

    The day before we were to leave, he picked a fight about nothing. Yes, it was an issue which had come up before but really, nothing was wrong. Nothing had happened. The morning of the flight, he got progressively tense and angry, till at the airport, in front of his family, he announces that he is not feeling well and is not going.

    I felt and experienced that his love for me was deep and real, but his issues were very powerful. We *have* to take care of ourselves and not place ourselves at the mercy of such issues. That I learnt, and it is both sad, and incredibly powerful.

  71.  #71Indigo on November 14, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    (((Tam))) because I (think) I know how it feels

  72.  #72Daria on November 14, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    thank you Daria for doing those ‘workout’

    tahnk you for getting me food

    and minding my experiences with my senses

  73.  #73Daria on November 15, 2012 at 12:00 am

    daria’s hittin all these movements


  74.  #74Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 12:01 am

    (((( Tam )))) (((( Difficult men ))))

  75.  #75Daria on November 15, 2012 at 12:02 am

    bathing in Rori tools sounds good

    im gonna listen to some Rori stuff

  76.  #76Daria on November 15, 2012 at 12:03 am

    paypal sent me a card again yay i can link a card ot my paypal

  77.  #77Daria on November 15, 2012 at 12:18 am

    Daria i love you!

  78.  #78Daria on November 15, 2012 at 12:40 am

    if he kisses me and its pleasant, no sparks, go out with him again 🙂


    he’s taking excellent care of me

    i feel babied just how i like

  79.  #79Luzydel on November 15, 2012 at 3:51 am

    We women; don’t listen to our most feminine power called intuition. Listen to that little voice telling that a man is not good. Just because he text nice nonsense it doesn’t mean anything. We take so little from men, but give them so much.

  80.  #80Vi on November 15, 2012 at 5:04 am

    I love my “I’m not important” belief. I love my sadness and clumsiness. I love that feeling of freeziness when I get aware when this belief speaking instead of ‘me’. Sigh. On the other hand it feels easier to recognize the moments when I might want and choose to vote for myself… It feels scary. If I vote and express myself I feel afraid to look ‘stupid’… Do I believe that I am stupid? even taking into account all my accomplishments?.. hehe .. Yes 🙂 Sigh… I feel confused what to ‘do’ with this belief… hehe I feel giggly… this belief doesn’t feel so true anymore… I love my belief … I love me having this belief… Sigh… it’s okay to feel unsure for now… And I feel softer. and it feels good. Yay! And I have all the time in the world.

  81.  #81Tam on November 15, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Ladies, I feel sad but also kind of resigned and resolved. Sigh. Big sigh. I wonder if it would help me more to feel anger rather than compassion…but I don’t have any. Hm.

  82.  #82Vi on November 15, 2012 at 5:26 am

    I love my fear to ‘look stupid’ I am sending all my love to the part of me that was taught that there is smth stupid about her. I am sending lobe to people who might have caused this. I am sending love and forgiveness to myself I believed that once. I feel angry for this part. And that’s okay. Breathing feels so good… feeling sad.. sigh. All body parts feel soft now. Thank you.

  83.  #83Vi on November 15, 2012 at 5:27 am


  84.  #84Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Luzydel agree with that. I just want to combine it with compassion to myself first then to others. That way I can send those men on there way with forgiveness so I don’t end up jaded and bitter. Knowing every one is doing the best they know how at any given moment.

  85.  #85Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 5:36 am

    #81 Tam

    Just watch you don’t slip into depression……..

  86.  #86dark horse on November 15, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Hi ladies, lurking as usual, loving the blog as usual. Tam my heart goes out to you. I’m not a psychologist but to me this sounds like classic Aspergers, and it is nobodies fault. Harder I think than when a guy is just being a jerk because as you say you can feel and see the love. It would certainly be a difficult path. CBT might be worth looking into if you decide you want him in your life. xo

  87.  #87dark horse on November 15, 2012 at 5:40 am

    Miss Bells, any tips you would care to share with us here? I would be interested to know more.

  88.  #88dark horse on November 15, 2012 at 5:51 am

    as for me, oh i am just in such a great place. i am so grateful for the tools i have learned here. i think i use them in every area of my life, with friendships and family and i feel less drained than i ever have before in my life because i am not giving out energetically to the same extent that i was.

    i feel very happy. lionman and i are in a great place. we are also at a point where i can see myself falling back into old habits of overfunctioning. as we are getting closer he is asking me to do more and more things and i get confused between is it good to do it because he is requesting it or am i overfunctioning. i’m finding success in doing it when he asks me to ie you asked me to do this, and doing that but not initiating in any way ie do you want me to take care of that or being ‘helpful’ etc .. its working so far.

    we are going on another little short trip and i’m so excited! next week is thanksgiving oh uh big trigger time for me … we will see if i can bring the tools to bear on that.

    i am trying the good morning beautiful thing in the morning, it makes me laugh cos i don’t feel beautiful i think its AUDACIOUS to say that to myself when i am all sleepy and hair tousled but laughing is better than criticising it makes me smile and when i smile at myself i do think oh ok not too scary 😉

    back to the overfunctioning thing i think i’m seeing that i feel the only reason a man would want to be with me is because i am useful .. i guess we learn that from seeing our mothers be so helpful and i guess i love the idea of being my man’s ‘helpmeet’ but it means i forget that maybe a man would want to be with me just because of who i am .. because of the gifts i bring to the relationship, because of my outlook to the world, my ability to see beauty and forge connections. I learned that from Rori, invaluable. its my ability to see and touch and create beauty that a man is fascinated by. i can feel now when i am soft and when i am in my head reporting facts like a reporter. it feels uncomfortable now.

  89.  #89Tam on November 15, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Thank you dark horse. Yes, adult ADHD and possibly aspergers, though we are not sure.

  90.  #90Calypso on November 15, 2012 at 5:56 am

    So – last night was my Girl’s Night out and I had a couple of Margaritas . . . wenthome and sat on the couch and was thinking about GM and looking at the pic of his tatoo . . .

    I got a red marker and drew a pretty heart on the inside of my arm and then a black marker and drew 3 wavey lines coming out of each side fo the heart and I took a pic and sent it to GM . . .

    GM: “Nice . . . what happens when you get drunk” (He knows Wed nights is girls night

    Me: “Lol . . .Yep! Hope it washes off int he shower . . .dang margaritas!”

    GM: “What do you call it?”

    Me: “Burning Love??? Hell Fire??? Hell if I know . . . LOL”

    GM: – sends me a picture of another one of his tatoos and says, “keltic sun” It’s the only one he has that I have never seen or gotten a picture of – it is on his calf.

    Me: Nice . . . I’m fascinated by the scar beside the tatoo . . . miss exploring ur body for scars . . . I didn’t get to finish . . . ”

    GM: “Should of kept ur eyes open . . . I have a lot of things that are hard to see”

    Me: U distracted me and I thought we had more time”

    GM: “U seen more than anyone else”

    Me: “I know that, but I want so much more. U miss U . . . LOL . . . I miss U . . . Ugh”

    GM: Alcohol. Behave. Get some sleep ur new beau will get mad talkin like that”

    me: “Ok”

    GM: “Goin to have to join in on one of them ladies nite-out I do miss u too.”

    And then I took myself to bed like he told me to and slept like a baby . . . Woke up smiling – even though I am a mess . . . I am a lovely mess and i love me!

  91.  #91Annie on November 15, 2012 at 6:03 am

    There is no one behavior that is clasic Aspergers.
    All the behaviors that people with Aspergers autism, add you name it are normal behavior
    that everyone does. It’s if someone has several behaviors from each of the triad.And even if they have, it is not an illness, it is a difference. Also behavior is behavior at the end of the day and it’s if we are able to tolerate it or if it is a deal breaker.

    I feel triggered by the comment “I’m not a psychologist but to me this sounds like classic Aspergers, and it is nobodies fault.”

    It’s not as simple oh someone did x y or Z oh that’s Asperger behavior.

    Behavior is behavior.
    Even if he did have Aspergers add whatever label so what?
    It still comes down to the individual person underneath that label, where they are at, what they want, what you want if you are compatible and what your deal breakers are.

  92.  #92Tam on November 15, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Annie, I get that. And I am not the saviour of a troubled man, I am my own saviour. But he has been my saviour on many occasions also, and I do feel his pain and I also feel his love for me. Alas, there is nothing left for me to ‘do’.

  93.  #93Tereana on November 15, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Whoo! so I guess Rori was busy planning her teleclass, and so that’s why the gap in posts. I feel relieved! Glad everything is ok ; )

    Anyway, someone (Starbright, I believe) posted in response to a query from a while back about emailing a thank-you after the date…well, I did end up sending the message. And it turned out well. I was glad I waited a whole day to do it, for one. And also, while I wasn’t exactly “closed off” during the date (I did thank him for dinner), I did want to express my thanks on a larger basis. And, like I said, I think I did well. He texted me right away, and we got together again two days ago.

    This morning, I am having some second thoughts about that “date,” but working on trusting myself. He had some other plans he was trying to arrange (as did I), and so we went back and forth adjusting the plans from one thing to another. I felt bad one time when he didn’t call me back, and texted later instead, but I worked on myself to let that go, since I figured that it was my “stuff” coming up. (Though I would have more appreciated the call coming back to me! Anyway)

    In the end, he was supposed to come see me at my place (his idea), but he was running about 45 minutes late. He asked me “how I felt” about it. And when I “checked in” with myself, I realized that I was feeling like leaving my house and going to his place. For two reasons: that was the original plan to begin with, and that’s because I had to go into his neighborhood anyway for my own thing late on. (Dance class, which makes me feel AWESOME!)

    So I did “go to him.” But I did not go “out of my way” for him – since I was going to go there anyway. And, when I’m thinking about it, I could have let him “come to me.” But that wasn’t the original plan anyway. And it was going to be during rush hour. If that had happened, he might have been too late to even hang out, which would have been too bad. Or we could have postponed to another day. But it felt like an auspicious day. And it was so great to have two fabulous CDates in one day. Hooray! : )

    Also, while Date A (in the morning) was a very masculine-energy, manly man, and would probably not have tolerated me “coming to him,” this guy (Date B, in the evening) does have some more feminine energy qualities. And I really don’t mind that. In fact, maybe that’s great for me. Because it means that I won’t “clash” with a guy when my masculine energy shows up. He won’t be offended, and I won’t feel like a “weirdo.” He might even appreciate me. On the other hand, I know that I do still need to practice leaning back and “being a girl.” I can do that. But it’s nice to take the pressure off and say, “Okay, I’m not going to be 100% girly 100% of the time.” I’m just going to do my best. And I’m going to do what’s best for me.

    And I know I don’t need to chase him, so…I won’t : )



    Annie, I love what you had to say about Asperger’s!

  94.  #94ruth on November 15, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Oh Tam

  95.  #95Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Unfortunately it reminded me of another case here where the man has a diagnosed illness and kept saying he did not want a relationship. I can’t remember the illness right now but what Tam’s situation is bringing up for me is how I so want what I want that I will do anything to get it. Gets me thinking about how presumptious I am in thinking that I can get a man who says he does not want commitment to marry me. Gets me looking in my life at places where I lie to myself. Gets me looking at times when I chased a man who was desperately trying to get away from me. Gets me thinking of times when I tried to be a man’s psychologist/therapist/mother/healer you name it. Has me wondering if I can just be and allow a man to do whatever he wants to knowing that I don’t have to engage with him. I wonder if I will ever believe that amongst the 6 billion people on the planet that are some great men out there who wants me and I get to choose?


  96.  #96April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Hello Tam,

    I feel shocked and saddened by what you have posted here today.

    I can’t help but feel curious, when you write “He has big trust issues and didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t have anyone else”.

    I’m not sure I have it right in your case. I do know the tempation personally to want to convince an insecure man that he is my one and only.
    Since I broke up with WM, I’m so pulled to stop CDing, to show him I’m loyal and that he CAN trust me.
    But that’s counter-intuitive, I think.

    Did you ever let him know that you were seeing people for coffee dates? That you were keeping your options open because you value yourself?
    Or did you feign ‘loyalty’?

    I feel genuinely curious at your answer.

  97.  #97April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 6:40 am

    One of the biggest mistakes I think I’ve made in my love-life, was to let WM think that there was a hole in my life that I’d been waiting for him to fill.

    Yes, at that time he played princess and I played Prince!!

  98.  #98Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 6:45 am

    April Rose that resonates with me. I believe many of us grew up believing the Brothers Grimm notions of romance and love as demonstrated in their fairy tales. Their princesses had to be rescued by a life of toil or some type of treachery and the rescuer seemed always to fill a void. I think of Belle in Beauty and Beast and see this being played out. I think of Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and see how my view of reality was skewed by what I believed as a child. Beauty and the Beast is still one of my all time favorites.

  99.  #99Annie on November 15, 2012 at 6:51 am

    ‘Husband’ says ” his mate at work says you have to marry a Fugly woman as they are grateful that someone has picked them, not a good looking woman that lots of men desire and expects a lot of you.”
    “One who will look after you, cook all your meals, do you washing, iron all your shirts etc etc and not expect anything back, never complain blah blah blah!”

    His reply, ” Oh that is where I went wrong then”

    Righteo. ” I feel tested, goaded, teased, the look in his eyes showed me he was waiting for my reaction wanting to wind me up.

    MMMM. My reply, ” so is he married to a fugly woman then?

    Him ” No he is divorced and single”

    Me ” oh right I see, so what he really wants is a surrogate mummy to look after him and sleep with when he is in the mood? EEK, that feels icky to me. I feel creeped out, I don’t want to be a substitute mummy to a any grown up man.”

    I really feel turned off and creeped out, repulsed I am actually shuddering and feel sick to the core.
    I really do feel like vomiting.
    I want a grown up hot bloodied man who wants me for his grown up woman and romantic mate and lover.
    That’s what I want.

  100.  #100Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Gets me thinking about how presumptious I am in thinking that I can get a man who says he does not want commitment to marry me.

    I feel like crying owning up to this. He said he does not want commitment. He said he is so scarred/scared from his marriage that he does not want to do it again. Then he said he might do it when he turns 50. He then talked about doing it and what he would want. He asked me if I considered what it would mean and if I was prepared to give up my house.

    I still love him but have given up trying to convince him of anything. I was hooked on the chemistry. I enjoyed his softness when he opened up. It felt like home when he held me close. I felt cherished when he shared his troubles with me. I felt open and relaxed when he poured himself out and into me. I feel soft and melty writing and thinking about this.

  101.  #101April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 6:52 am

    I prefer to believe it is the masculine who needs to fill his void with a sweet feminine complement.

  102.  #102Tam on November 15, 2012 at 6:54 am

    April Rose, I did tell him that I was meeting with other men, but that it didn’t feel great. Well, I spoke my truth. I know he has this insecurity and I also know that he should claim me if it was really getting to him.
    I suppose he is angry at himself, because I really did nothing wrong. However, if I had been holding his phone and a girl had texted me saying ‘so when are we meeting?’ (which is what he had), I would also have freaked out. So in that sense I could understand him, really.
    Well, he does need reassurance and he also likes to be the pursuer which is interesting…in any case, I don’t want to keep thinking what he needs as I realise that he isn’t fulfilling my needs, or he is for some time until he freaks out.
    I have dropped ball as to the romantic side of this, totally, well I had anyway.
    He knows I am there for him if he is in some kind of need like I know he is there for me and always has been, but the other stuff, well, no.
    H*ll would need to freeze over before I could ever feel safe with this man again.
    Someone asked me the other day if I could take him, with all his issues and just accept him as he was and I said ‘yes’….but now I see what happened was very much part of his anger/impulsivity issues, and how horrible it feels to be at the receiving end.
    Although I could see him struggle with himself, and I could see he tried sooo hard to stay and calm – he struggled for about 15 minutes, and in the end he stroked my head and walked out.
    So sad. So I totally feel loved, but I can’t help him with this and I don’t want to. I can and did offer my support, but I first and foremost need to take care of myself and I made that clear.
    That’s the bottom line.
    I now feel we can be friends one day, but as for romantic partners – I couldn’t go there anymore. No.
    And he showed big signs of changing, suppose it took it out of him, he must have expended a lot of energy opening up and telling me a little about his feelings, the backlash was inevitable, sigh, I know him too well. I have more family feelings for him now, like a big brother who isn’t well.
    I’ll miss him though. 🙁

  103.  #103April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Oh, Femininewoman,

    I feel you like never before. So vulnerable, I could eat you.

  104.  #104Tam on November 15, 2012 at 6:57 am

    damn it.

  105.  #105Annie on November 15, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Ty Tereana

  106.  #106Annie on November 15, 2012 at 6:59 am

    100 FW. that was beautiful.

  107.  #107Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:01 am

    The tears keep coming and I don’t even know why because I fully expected this, it always happens when things are going well.
    This time it was different, because he didn’t turn into an iceberg when he left, which is what happened before…..and before I used to get so angry because there was no emotion and just anger in his face. Yesterday there was a lot of emotion and it just freaked me out. For him, for me…yikes.
    That was painful.
    Well, it is what it is.

  108.  #108Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:02 am

    ((((FW)))) oh man. I just wish things were easier for all of us.
    ((((humans))) (((issues)))

  109.  #109Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I needed to shift my focus and have made a date with a male friend tonight. I feel soothed to see him, he is a nice guy, a softie. Not for me, but for company he will be just what the doctor ordered.
    I am proud of me going out looking like a sniffly tomato-eyed mess tonight. hehe.

  110.  #110April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I feel sad reading things like “I knew it was inevitable” and “I can feel it coming because it’s happened before”

    Tam , I am not defending this man. I am doing my best not to judge him, look at his motives, or get inside his head.

    However, from what you have been writing, for months I have been aware of some sort of looming ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ that’s in your vibe.

    Like you expected him to fail you.
    This judgement belongs to you.
    And it came true.
    You (and your NVs) have been proved right. They are the right voices to listen to.

    I’m sorry if I sound harsh. And, yes I know that all previous evidence points to his certain behaviours, and why should he have changed?

    We’re here to change ourselves. And I have seen great development in you over the months, and felt happy about them. Yet I’ve always felt an icky niggle about this “I’m right, he’ll fail, you’ll see” that’s been in the background.

  111.  #111Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 7:07 am

    #100 ((( FW )))

    I feel tears fill my eyes reading this, so, so raw and painful. 🙁

  112.  #112BAB/Rebekah on November 15, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Feeling brave this morning! Last night while watching a bond movie with my man, we were laughing about how funny one of the actor girls was acting( it was the first Bond made) he says with a laugh ” perfect girl logic, blame a man for something he didn’t even do” I was kinda silent and he goes “well ya know lol I’m just kidding” I said, good. That didn’t feel very good to hear.. He looked down on me, I was laying my head on his chest and stroked my hair and said I’m sorry I was just kidding and kissed my forhead. I said ok! And we went back to laughing over the bad acting and had a great night!

  113.  #113Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:13 am

    April Rose, totally agree with you, beautiful what you wrote. The answer is that I have my own issues also, and I am fearful of the self-fulfilling prophecy, but also – I know this man like the back of my hand.
    This is partly a very good thing and partly a very bad thing.
    I did not expect him to fail me, I was fearful of a repetition…and it happened. Yes, perhaps if I had not thought about it it might not have happened but it is actually a pattern I tried to break through by being authentic and opening up with him…and as it was beginning to work and I saw huge improvements and yes, changes, a stupid text made him run. That is nothing to do with me or my NV’s, it’s just what it is, it is who he is.
    He is like that with everybody, it is part of his issues, it isn’t something he reserves for romantic interests. Hence, yes, I just know him and his family and friends and the dynamics…
    He isn’t going to turn into a grounded and reasonable person just because I don’t listen to my NV’s…sadly.

  114.  #114Annie on November 15, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Tam, doesn’t Rori say, He is supposed to feel angry about us dating other men?

    We don’t do it to make them feel angry we do it to keep our options open and keep us sane.
    But he is supposed to feel angry and compete or get lost in the shuffle.

    If he is not offering you everything you want, then he can’t have you all to himself.

    If he is the right man for you he’ll be back.
    And you will have your speech ready?

    I don’t know about you but I would not be able to tolerate a man I was sleeping with dating other women or even taking other women out as friends that would be a deal breaker.

    Doesn’t Rori say, that we get to date other men but they can’t at least after the first few months?
    Unless we really don’t mind and it doesn’t bother us.

    I remember many many years ago finding out that my boyfriend was doing a sporting activity with another woman the next day and called her a hot bit off stuff.
    I went ballistic and so what yes I was a drama queen, totally real and in the moment. I did not care if I lost him, I cared more about me. I walked out of where we were, kicked his car, told him to get the hell away from me, I was not going to tolerate being his girlfriend and him doing activities taking other women out even if they were ‘friends’ acquaintances and nothing was going on.

    I felt, angry, hurt, disrespected. So walked away. He came after me and never took another woman out again.

    He got me or them. His choice. I meant it and he knew it.

  115.  #115Dominique on November 15, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Tam – 81 – If you don’t feel anger, I wouldn’t suggest pushing for it or looking for it. You said you feel sad. Feel sad then. You said you feel resigned and resolved, the feel this. These are all signs of wanting to move on, and moving on is a good feeling to have, exciting, new horizons, better feelings spaces and places.


  116.  #116Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Thank you Annie, yes. Oh he knows he is being unreasonable.
    I don’t want to keep explaining, really, but we are dealing with something pretty complex here and it’s not even about commitment or relationships particularly.
    This is not a toxic man, he is a good guy. But his issues mean he can come across like the toxic man, manboy, whatever. Yesterday, he was having a bad day with his head…I could hear it in his voice and on the phone and see it in my place….he wasn’t himself at all. I felt spooked.
    The way he was opening all my cupboards like frenzied, 3 – 4 times and started eating random stuff..he was really in a mess. Oh, I feel fearful of writing this here..but yes, he actually looked crazy.

    I don’t know how to deal with this. At the same time it took him half hour to fix all my TV and Cable Internet issues and he was on the phone with everybody and completely capable and frankly amazing. he read no instructions, just did it (it was not straightforward). As I was getting stressed he says ‘please please don’t feel stressed, I will sort this all out for you in just a moment’…and he did.
    Like a genius. So so bizarre.
    And then the text, ha.
    And the freak out, the calm freak out ‘I am leaving now’.
    It is very bizarre and it has nothing to do with me, that much I am sure of.
    I feel somewhat relieved to have seen this again now also, before we were getting too far into anything. A bit like ‘phew’.

  117.  #117Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Thank you Dominique

  118.  #118Dominique on November 15, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Feminiewoman – 98 – yes, yes, yes!!! and this has gotten many of us into trouble.


  119.  #119Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Anyhow, he’s gone. No need to speculate any more or wonder or worry.

  120.  #120Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:32 am

    He told me that he was already angry and impulsive and difficult as a kid. It ain’t gonna change. As friend would be difficult, as lovers/in a relationship: almost impossible unless I could deal with the flippancy. Nah.
    Last time this happened we did not speak for 3 months….

  121.  #121April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 7:40 am

    The best tool I have found to work with difficult/insecure/depressed men is appreciation.

    Really letting them know that I am pleased to see them, or hear their voice. And melting when they ‘do’ something for me.

    And, of course, all the subtleties of respecting the masculine.

  122.  #122Tam on November 15, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Annie, about the ‘if he is the right man he will be back and do I have my speech ready’.
    He will be back. 100%. Who knows when and why.
    Will I stay open? Maybe
    Will I tell him how I feel? For sure
    But I don’t need a speech because for me this is kind of done. The onus is on him now, to demonstrate that he can handle his anger and impulsivity enough not to hurt me with it….
    and I have made that quite clear.
    I am not interested in even a friendship if he doesn’t make an effort to at least try to control himself. He kind of did yesterday, I could see that – but nowehere near enough for me to feel halfway good about this.
    I feel hopeless, so I don’t need a speech (would I want to be his gf? right now no way)…and for us to be friends I also need a lot more reassurance and a lot of time passing.
    He is going to stay away, I am going to stay away..ain’t happening..

  123.  #123April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I am finding that respecting the masculine in WM is taking me to the most vulnerable places of my soul.
    The heartbreak feels raw.
    We are rehearsing a show with our theatre company.
    The other night I walked in on them laughing and discussing his encounters with his new woman. He cut the conversation short. All the laughing stopped and I felt like a leper.

    I had to find something positive to appreciate. So I thanked him for what he’d done to protect me.

    He warms up every time I appreciate. Especially if what he is expecting is criticism.

  124.  #124April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 7:56 am

    What do you ladies think of keeping on practicing the tools with the most challenging of men – those we love but feel unfulfilled by?

    I can’t wait to hear Rori’s teleclass recording. I asked this question to her, in more detail, and feel nervous and excited about her answer.

  125.  #125Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 8:23 am

    April Rose, are you and WM still sharing the same house?

  126.  #126April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Yes, Silver Moonbeam,

    We live together in our workplace.
    I am just riding out the heartbreak, utterly open and raw, and practicing my best siren self on him.

    For the moment that is what I want to do.

    I’m also tweaking my profile on OKCupid and feeling a warm rumble in my tummy about all the gorgeous, loving men out there that I could meet.

  127.  #127Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Still holding on strong. Haven’t leaned forward with CaliCD. His plane is landing at noon. No plan, no date, HE DOESN’T EXIST!

    I feel irritated but at least I don’t feel stupid.

  128.  #128Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 8:54 am

    #126 April Rose

    I feel intrigued by your working/living arrangements because I am nosey like that. 🙂

    I wish you were on the FB Siren Island where we can chat more openly…….

    Wishing you well, it must be soooo damned hard to live/work together now he has a new love interest.

  129.  #129Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Four Signs Of An Unavailable Man
    by David Wygant

    I know you have experienced dating this man many times before. So how do we avoid him.

  130.  #130Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Two very intelligent men in my life also told me not to contact him.

  131.  #131Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Meet Men: Eye Contact Is Key
    by David Wygant

    That means that giving a guy a quick glance for about 0.25 seconds and then quickly looking away isn’t going to cut it. That guy will never approach you, and it’s not because he’s not interested. What you need to do is pick a guy you like, and really LOOK AT HIM with a nice smile.

    I’m talking like several seconds, until it seems unnaturally long. After that, you can look away, but then look and smile at him again for a LONG TIME. And then again. Don’t worry, you won’t look desperate. Like I said, men are really slow at picking up signals. By now, maybe he’s starting to get a clue.

    If he’s still looking at you, he’s interested but he may not know it’s ok to come over yet. Sometimes you may need to look at him four or five times to get him to come over. If he doesn’t walk over by then, he doesn’t have the guts right now, so move on to the next guy.

  132.  #132Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Love it Silver Moonbeam.

  133.  #133MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Something from siren island. My writing will be focused on this today: I want to explore this today…This fear like feeling that if we don’t have the right manners or listen right or give freely and help always, that we somehow become less of a “good person”. This feels like a judgement to me…Something I want to refrain from projecting onto myself or others. “oh she talks too much/too little, she doesn’t offer help, she isn’t always available to lend and ear…Not a good person”. Today I am exploring the idea that goodness comes from our souls, not from a lack of specific behaviour. This will help me to, even more, see the good in people. Even if they may not be “doing” what I think is the “right thing”.

  134.  #134Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:19 am

    I’ve noticed that once that if I feel really attracted to someone I start to avoid looking at them. Unless they approach me and talk.
    Why is it so easy to look at someone who i am not really attracted to. They feel safe to me as I know I am able to be totally relaxed myself as I am in control of my emotions hormones around them.

    The ones I am really attracted to might send me off balance and then I risk getting my heart getting involved. Scary.

  135.  #135Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:19 am

    It feels easy to practice on the men I don’t really fancy.

  136.  #136Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:21 am

    I must come across as cool aloof and not interested to the ones I really feel attraction for.

  137.  #137Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:21 am

    A ha moment.

  138.  #138Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I feel scared of letting someone close to my heart again.
    I want to look after it and keep it safe. Take care of it.

  139.  #139Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

    #135 Annie

    I so know what you mean!! Which is maybe why RR advocated CD’s for practise?? Much easier to practise on a man you have no attraction for than one who’s heart makes you go pitter patter. 🙂

  140.  #140Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Although it feels good to avoid eye contact with the ones who I have decided have done stuff which are dealbreakers and I don;t want. So I feel pleased I am getting better at that as I don’t want to invite them back in to my life.
    I am done with those.

  141.  #141Silver Moonbeam on November 15, 2012 at 9:32 am

    *who makes your heart go pitter patter

  142.  #142MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Sometimes, I feel so tense and nervous and scared that if I don’t offer to give to a man, to always be there for a man, to be generous, and offer myelf freely, he will not like me. These feelings are fading from existance, yet they linger like an echo. I still feel selfish to do what feels good and right to me no matter what that says or looks like to another person. My logical, thinking brain twists this together in a braid and binds my wrists. It tells me “controling your feelings and stuffing them down and behaving a certain way and doing certain things, with the goal of making them see you a certain way, is another way of controling others.”. Ouch. My past role, all wrapped up with ribbons of self-hatred and an ugly bow. I trust my soul to always be. To always be good. No matter what feelings I am honouring. I trust that my behaviour and actions will always honour me. I trust that my soul is good enough that I could simply never harm anyone, even if i’m not considering what they think or see.

    I need this trust as I let go of the last thread of doing anything, at all, to control what a person thinks or feels about me. As I let go of ideal reactions and responses. As I let go completely of creating ideals for behaviour. For myself, and others. As I let go of all hope that someone might like or love me. As I fully accept anything they think or feel about me, no matter what. I will create infinite space within my existance, for this to happen.

    I feel blessed.

  143.  #143Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Yep Silver Moonbeam.

    I feel nervous and clumsy around the ones I fancy. All of a dither.

  144.  #144Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 9:35 am

    You ask whether men can be “addicted to love” and is it the same as for women.

    No, at least not instinctively.

    Men instinctively pursue sex when they are in their animal brain, and where impulsivity rules. They like love, but they have INSTINCT for pursuing sex.

    But sex itself and that instinct do not define an addiction. Instincts are NORMAL. It’s only when activity harms their lives or takes them away from duties or throws life out of balance on that pie chart.

    On the other hand women have an instinct to pursue LOVE as opposed to just sex for sex’s sake (over the life span – sure you have moments where it’s just sex)

    So love in and of itself as an instinct is also NORMAL, not an addiction unless it throws you off duties, out of balance etc, just like sex for the man.

    They are parallel – sex vs love.

    So if you think men can be “sex addicts” then the experience for them is the same as if someone called you a “love addict” – it’s only true if it throws you off balance and has boundary trouble to it and anxiety, a release from anxiety.

  145.  #145Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:40 am

    OMG. I really hate when I see other women being like this around a man, because I do not like that about myself. 🙁
    It makes me feel week.
    It is so not attractive when a man is like that around me.
    So how would any man find that attractive in a woman?

    It feels like they know this and then use this to their advantage.
    So then I become the stroppy mare and become difficult to protect myself. To gain control over the anxiety of feeling dithery around them and feel more balanced.

  146.  #146Annie on November 15, 2012 at 9:47 am

    I want a hot man, but only one that is good for me and will value and is able to take care of my heart.

  147.  #147Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 9:55 am

    You will get your hot (and loving) man Annie!!

  148.  #148Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 9:56 am

    And I will too!! Because we are aware and learning and growing.

  149.  #149Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Oooooh if I don’t hear from CaliCD by the time I get home…..
    (How do I create an angry emoticon)

  150.  #150MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:44 am

    What can I take pictures of today?

  151.  #151Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Goddess Lily how about waiting untul you get home then check in with yourself to see how you feel?

  152.  #152Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I could try that. I just know how I feel now…which is perturbed. Because he looks so good on paper….and I know I’m a catch (best bragging I can do)….so he’s silly for missing out. At least I stopped myself before I chased him. GROWTH!!

  153.  #153Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Try to listen to the dialogue you’re having with yourself about how other people look or act.

  154.  #154April Rose on November 15, 2012 at 11:16 am

    In the first minute of the teleclass, Rori says that men are lonely, and they are looking for complete acceptance, they’re looking for appreciation, they’re looking for very simple things.

    They usually feel horrible about themselves, and they just want a woman who sees the good in them.

  155.  #155Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Just saw this in an email:-

    I don’t know why but women have this inner
    belief that if they can just explain their situation
    to a man he will somehow get it…

  156.  #156MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Today I am groovin’ and vibe-in’ and dancin’ anf illing up every space around me with happy stixiness 🙂 yum.

  157.  #157Happy on November 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Goddess lily 149- }: (

  158.  #158Happy on November 15, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Remembering something rori said and feeling hopeful,

    if you can feel great with a man who offers you crumbs imagine what it would feel like with a guy who totally steps up…

  159.  #159Daria on November 15, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Annie – wow I would’ve took that as a compliment rather than a chance to attack and deconstruct the argument

    I would take it is teasingly implying im Not fugly .I would’ve smiled and giggled haha .

    I feel really truggered reading about your responses, they se so defensive and ‘argument starting’ really reminds me of my mom sometimes and feels triggering.

  160.  #160Happy on November 15, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I feel so tempted to text strummingman to spew on him. I won’t, I’m stronger than that. He’s moved on, I have definitely moved on.

  161.  #161Happy on November 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Tonight I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to sit with my feelings.

  162.  #162Calypso on November 15, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    GM contacted me on FB today and has texted me and now his best friend and work partner is texting me . . . Lol

    Boys . . .

    I just replied to his friend’s text, the first one I’ve gotten from him in months, with: “Hey hottie . . . ”

    I mean – WTH???

  163.  #163Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Home now, still feeling irritated and left hanging by CaliCD. Still didn’t lean forward though.

    To make things more irritating, my cars warning lights came on during rush hour on the way home. It’s going to cost $110 just to figure out what’s wrong. The only way this could be a good thing is if something is really wrong and it’s covered by my warranty…..that ends early next year.

  164.  #164Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Goddess Lily many of those lights are programmed to come on once you hit a certain mileage. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong. I have driven around for miles after when I learned that. I even have a male friend who once shut them off for me. I take those lights as a flicking my subconscious stress switch.

  165.  #165Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Calypso I would stay away from those “sexual” innuendos and stay with emotional. I believe “hottie” would be something a man would say to a physically attractive woman. Now I use things like aaawwww I feels good to be remembered, or ooooohhhhh I feel all melty basking in the masculine attention. I experiment with changing my words up to see how different men react.

  166.  #166Happy on November 15, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Am I feeling strong? Am I pretending?
    This feels like pretty big stuff to me? Where’s my reaction?

  167.  #167Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Annie I agree with Daria. I have to admit that many times that’s how I experience your words and have struggled with myself about how to share. Particularly when you are talking about the people in the forum. To me they seem to respond to the argumentative vibe. I was even tempted once to suggest that maybe participating in those forums keep you kinda internally stuck and maybe some kind of ritual around switching hats could help get you to consciously go into your feminine when you are done reading or writing there. Don’t know if this make sense…

  168.  #168Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm

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  169.  #169Happy on November 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    FW 168, maybe my heart is inline with my body? maybe that’s why I’m not feeling intense emotions?

  170.  #170Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I just saw Goodheart’s post 25 above. I am going to try and consciously practice that with Rori’s unzippered heart.

  171.  #171Linda on November 15, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I had so many things from the last thread that I wanted to comment on. New threads just keep popping up!

    I have been doing a bit of experimenting with one of my CD’s. He is the one I met for lunch and is HOT!
    I enjoyed my time with him and there is definatly chemistry. WOAH ! Felt nice to feel it again. We did have a great make out session. Just a little kickin the tires for me I guess. It would have so easy to loose myself heat of the moment and what we did do.. I am able to take full emotional responsibility for. He has been in contact everyday, seems genuine yet… I feel untrusting. He has not done anything for me to not trust him for. He feels and looks and lives like a perfect fit for me. Yet I am not sure it is genuine. I am feeling fear and uneasiness. I told him that I do not text or call men but he asked me to text or call him anytime and I have this battle inside me. So yesterday I text him goodmorning first. He responded. Later in the day he intiated and pursued wanting to talk on the phone. So today, I am leaned back. I have not heard from him at all. At lunch I could see he was online the dating the website and I feel VERY triggered and distrusting. I do not feel very open to him now. We made no commitments, but some of the things he has said to me in phone conversations would indicate that he “really likes me” yet he is online/active chat available today and no communication from him at all. SO….. I am face to face with me on the inside and what I am feeling. No masking, no making allowances, or excuses or benefit of the doubt for men. I have to be my keeper! It feels bad and I am not interested in any man… i dont care how charming, hot or handsome or attracted I am to them, they get no special allowance. I have made a promise to myself that I will NOT do ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD OR SAFE TO ME!

    I dont want to get a false read or fears because of past relationship triggers… So I am preparing my speech for him. It is. kinda like…..”I really am attracted to you, and feel we have great commonality, goals and chemistry. I would really like to explore the possibility creating of the kind of relationship we have both talked about and are looking for with you. I just dont feel open to it when I know your profile up and you are actively online. I absolutely know that I do not do well in an the atmosphere of insecurity nor will I able to develop trust that I feel it non-optional in a relationship.”….

    GOSH that is so wordy… I suck a feeling messages…. Sirens I just dont feel open to investing time or energy into a man who is actively online… It just feel bad. I am not trying to issue an utlimatum.. just express my feelings. SIGH !!

    I need help!

    I feel so black and white now after my last relationship. Kinda just no- nonsence. period!


    I have a CD tonight with one in my rotation. I want a really high integrity, high character, real man and relaltionship!

  172.  #172LoveAlways on November 15, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    Just realized I need to adjust my leaning back to NOT checking HScd’s fb. I stopped posting on his, but was recently triggered when I looked on his page. Major trigger. Non in tears, but a bit shakey right now. I’m feeling jealousy, anxiety, sad and lonely. Yeah, major triggers must be avoided going forward. oh well. (((((Hugs))))))) to me. Leaning back and stepping away were working out pretty good up until now.

  173.  #173Daria on November 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm


  174.  #174Daria on November 15, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Love Always – yeah NEVER check a man’s FB that is major leaning forward

    thats one thing im pretty good at yay 🙂 i have got triggered checking men’s profiles before, and got me thinking all sorts of thoughts that weren’t there before, thoughts that didn’t feel good or like im irresistibly attractive

    i now remember that if i ever think of chekcing a guy’s page

  175.  #175Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Linda the context is important here I believe. He acted based on his feelings in the moment. If this was a first meeting I would say nothing about him being online. Reason being I recently heard a guy say about another one “he is single, he can do whatever he wants”. Focussing on his behavior so early on could identify you in his mind with the “ball and chain” woman. Creating the relationship in your mind before he asks for one or moves to create one with you.

    Your triggered and distrusting feelings are your issues and might even be telling you to check with yourself to see how soon you really want to start making out with these guys. It should be I think just about your pleasure, not about wanting a man to do anything in particular.

  176.  #176Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    My work ex asked if his business meeting doesn’t turn into a late night if he could come over and stay the night with me. Same ol same ol crap. So I said “no.” It wasn’t a feeling message but its progress. He felt it was harsh. Then I said “I wanted to go out” since that’s what he had asked me at the beginning of the week but I didn’t say all that. Then he said we could go out if he can shake his business partner early. So I asked him what early means to him… answer…..oh well

  177.  #177LoveAlways on November 15, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Must get on a higher siren vibration. My emotions are overwhelming me lately. This is a rough spell for me and feels awful, but I know I’m better and it will get even better. HScd and I are connecting again. It feels good to speak with him when he reaches out. I’m slowly getting out of my pits quicker and quicker. But it has to be about me and I keep slipping into “US”
    I’m going to work on this. Maybe do some riffing.

  178.  #178Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I don’t want to settle for crumbs anymore.

  179.  #179Daria on November 15, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Annie – that smile and giggle for the ‘im not fugly’ implication is somethign i would do only becuase im not really triggered by his joke

    i know to myself that men don’t like being mommied, tho they mihgt think they do or say that sometimes

    if i got triggered to take his joke as a complaint that being married to me isnt good enough, i might say…


    or “i feel triggered now, thinking being married to me isn’t good enough for a man doesn’t feel good”

    or “i feel kinda unseen for the gifts i bring to relationship”

    tho i would start this with “ouch”

    to me though, i would also notice and take the compliment

    “ouch” “lol thanks”

    or “ouch… thanks? 🙁 ”

    “i feel good to know im not fugly, but bad to hear that it was a ‘go wrong’ to marry me.”

    “i don’t ant to be wanted for my caretaking skills, i want to feel desired and worshipped like a goddess”

    “i feel judgemental of stuff like that, i feel better when a man wants to do all the caretaking himself just to honor and please his queen, that feels really safe and ressuring and romantic to me”

    “ouch i feel triggered when i hear that men want caretaking, i don’t feel good when a man is into that” (that will spark his curiosity for sure) hehehe

  180.  #180LoveAlways on November 15, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Thanks Daria.

    Having a major fit right now behind checking his fb. I feel throbbing pain like a child burning her finger on a hot stove!!! Yup, hot, don’t touch!! No more checking his fb!!!

  181.  #181Daria on November 15, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Linda – i would not say anything and keep beign open to waht he brings. i would practice actively NOT looking at who is online. i almost never notice who is online on the site i have that shows it. i don’t even think to chekc it. when i do notice something it feels a bit triggering so i notice nto looking at it feels better

  182.  #182Daria on November 15, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I’ve been seeing this guy who takes great care of me. I saw him on an ‘same day’ first date on a day I was actually feeling a little bored… And he’s seen me almost everyday since

    On ‘same day’ basis. The thing is, I’m back to feeling rushed lonely and not wanting to be in the house – my pattern in California, totally opposite from Romania

    I might feel better to switch back to the 2 days ahead planning.

    I just sent a CD into that, but … I also feel desperate and bummed and lonely – now!

    I feel bummed that I feel bummed lol 🙂

    I will take some of my energy to play the change my room game and the move my body game

    And see how I feel

    I feel bummed thinking of that right now

    A part of me feels so happy imagining someone wants to pick her up and spend time w her… Ohhhh!

    I bet what would feel fun are a couple of days spent out of the house, to come back refreshed… Hmmm

  183.  #183Daria on November 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    i just ate and im feeling GOOOD

    im wondering about going fruit and seed-arian


    ive been immersing myself in some ways of thinking that have me really intrigued by the ‘truth’ of this for me more and more

  184.  #184Daria on November 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    on the ohter hand, i just ate flesh of fish and a leaf of dandelion i ripped myself, among other things

  185.  #185Daria on November 15, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    i came on here to say yay scorpio cd has texted me

  186.  #186Senior Lady Vibe on November 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    @183, @184-ish

    I’m leaning in a “vegan-ish” direction these days.


  187.  #187Vi on November 15, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    I feel sooo triggered. I feel mad. I love me and my feelings and will do my best not to get defensive and not to take crap either. And the choice I’ll make will be the best anyway.

  188.  #188Vi on November 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Crying feels good. I feel balanced.

  189.  #189Vi on November 15, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    I love me. Writing this makes me feel good and almost smiley. Mmm… tree trunk tool? that would feel good.

  190.  #190Vi on November 15, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I love my triggers. Together we are carving my best self.

  191.  #191Daria on November 15, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    SLV – 🙂

  192.  #192Femininewoman on November 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    I just read to have a feminine conversation use descriptive words and adjectives to elevate the senses. It hlps to get him out of his head into the moment.

  193.  #193Tereana on November 15, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Well, maybe now it has backfired…I just got an email from The New CD that was very nice. There was a lot of good stuff in there. But in the end, he finished it by saying that he’s “not looking for anything serious right now.” Which, to me, is the functional equivalent of, “You’re nice, but I don’t want to date you.”

    So my brain and body treat it as such. But, like I said, I was having doubts as to his sexuality all along. Not that he was not seeming very excited around me. He was.

    I guess I just started to like him. Why is it always the guys that I like that say they don’t want me??? Ahhhh! this feels awful 🙁

    I feel sad about this.

  194.  #194LoveAlways on November 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I feel so . . . Human

  195.  #195Daria on November 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    im feeling triggered doign my home improvement project

    i want to tape four corners

    ive taped one

    i feel glad

    i feel sad and like running away from taping the other ones

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    scorpio CD said hed call in 5 min but its been an hour and he hasnt

    i have a CD scheduled in an hour

    haven’t heard from him either


  196.  #196LoveAlways on November 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm


  197.  #197LoveAlways on November 15, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    I will not check his fb
    i will not check his fb
    i will not check his fb
    i will not check his fb
    i will not check his fb

    now, i’m going to do today’s 21 day meditation challenge for some renewing.

  198.  #198Daria on November 15, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    im feeling triggered in my head by the philosophies im considering and im feeling triggered that some of the men that seem to step up dating lately have some feminine characteristics and i feel sad that i’ll end up having to tolerate a relationship where im consistently feeling turned off when it comes to sex / hmmmf

    reminds me of my first best friend when i was young and also

    of my high school boyfriend

    they were ‘nice’ and there for me and i didn’t want either of them

    i feel guilty

    i feel doomed

  199.  #199Daria on November 15, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    i love my feelings

  200.  #200Annie on November 15, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    159: Daria

    “Annie – wow I would’ve took that as a compliment rather than a chance to attack and deconstruct the argument

    I would take it is teasingly implying im Not fugly .I would’ve smiled and giggled haha .

    I feel really truggered reading about your responses, they se so defensive and ‘argument starting’ really reminds me of my mom sometimes and feels triggering.”

    Ty for sharing how you imagine you would have taken it Daria.
    How you would have taken it is not how I took it in my circumstances in my reality and is not who i am in all due respect though.

    So although I feel able to put myself in shoes and understand how you believe you would have taken it being you.
    I feel saddened that you don’t appear able to do that.
    but I won my sadness about that and realize it has nothing to do with you. It is what it is.

  201.  #201Annie on November 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    in your shoes*

  202.  #202Annie on November 15, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    own not won*

  203.  #203Annie on November 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Calling someone fugly makes me feel icky. Judging someone on their surface level looks makes me feel sad. After about the first 30 seconds to a minute a persons looks becomes irrelevant to me.
    I don’t like being judged on my looks alone.
    I want someone to love my soul and want me for that for who I really am. A spiritual being having a human experience. I don’t want them to love and want me for my outer human body and looks.

    Hotness comes from the inside.
    It is presence of how I feel around that energy.
    I feel turned off by men who call women fugly.
    I feel what I feel
    I don’t feel the need or desire for anyone to agree with or validate approve of what I feel. Although I do not like other people telling me my feelings are wrong because they don’t understand them or would feel differently and wouldn’t feel like that.
    My feeling are not wrong for me, they are perfect and I love them.
    My feelings belong to me.

  204.  #204Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Annie – wow i feel judged and pist… i dont like being talked to this way (paraphrasing : ‘i can see it from your view but it appears you AREN’T ABLE to see it from mine’)

    i feel unseen and like im being assigned some kinda lack of empathy character trait – i feel very pist with that and i don’t want to be talked to or about this way

  205.  #205Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    youre beautiful!

    HOW DARE YOU JDUGE ME ON MY LOOKS!! bonks him on the head

  206.  #206Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    he has a judgement about women’s appearance ! HORRORS! unheard of! unacceptable. he must have no judgements whatsoever!

    he must not care if the woman looks beautiful to him or not

    only i can have judgements/about people who have judgements

  207.  #207Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    wow weird. i don’t know why im mocking you. sorry Annie. i really feel unheard by you .

    it seems you’re like really really set on making this man wrong thats all and i get this ‘can’t win’ bitter/anger criticism feeling reading your post

    i also feel scared to say anything as im sure it will be defended against or rejected off bat with explanations of how i dont understand and its totally all his fault still

    well im just practicing speaking up as i will want to learn how to do this with my mom

    i Am sorry about mockign you with the other posts or even assuming and projecting my stuff on you,

    i intend to get better at communicating with feelings

  208.  #208Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    i dont feel safe communicating . total eggshells feeling

    like i have to pretend im not feeling triggered or that i don’t perceive this triggering stuff,

    because ill be brushed off and blamed anyways

    i feel scared and uncomfortable and pist and leaned on

    j feel really angry about it

    and judgemental

    i probably do this myself

    i love my bitter, man blaming, not taking responsibility for my communication, perception, or my part in creating connection self

  209.  #209Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    im sorry my posts i think are full of blame

    sorry this is coming out on you

    thank you for the trigger

    i feel mega triggered

  210.  #210Annie on November 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I’m not your Mother Daria.
    My feelings are my reality.
    I love my feelings.

    Daria “it seems you’re like really really set on making this man wrong thats all and i get this ‘can’t win’ bitter/anger criticism feeling reading your post.”
    Ty for your opinion Daria.
    If that’s what you think that is what you think and your judgments have nothing to do with me.
    None of my business.
    So feel best to leave you to them.

  211.  #211Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    i just brushed my mom off when she wanted to know ‘what am i writing’

    i felt uncomfortable with the question and i communicated that thru tone body language and response

    she insisted

    i said i dont want to tell her and mumbled

    next time i will say

    wow actually i feel a bit uncomfortable answering that right now, i dont want to answer it. and then i will smile big

    i feel furious that i don’t feel respected and thats ok, stronger boundaRIES


  212.  #212Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Annie – hmm i feel mocked subtly, put down, shamed and blamed


    and unheard and mad!

    i don’t want to be talked to / communicated to that way

    i doubt the people in your life appreciate it either, but i do not know

  213.  #213Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm


    ““it seems you’re like really really set on making this man wrong thats all and i get this ‘can’t win’ bitter/anger criticism feeling reading your post.”
    Ty for your opinion Daria.”

    sorry this was NOT my opinion. it was my FEELINGS

    i feel like ‘can’t win’ for me reading the posts and communicating

    i feel triggered and on eggshells about them

    i feel pist and frustrated with it

    i feel unsafe

    i feel very angry

  214.  #214Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    i feel compassion and big sadness, and also cover and numbness to prepare for the attack / fakeness / protective inauthentic defense coming my way

    i feel sad it ‘has to be like this’ but i guess it doesn’t

    i feel excited to keep speaking about my feelings and triggering all this anger! yay! healing depression

    oh i didn’t think about it that way


  215.  #215Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    i feel so pist!

    i feel so frustrated!

    i feel so judgemental!

    i love my feelings

  216.  #216Annie on November 15, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    I feel a lot of attacking energy coming towards me.
    It feels bad.
    I feel psychically attacked.
    I want to wrap myself up in candy floss.
    So that energy is not able to penetrate me.
    I want to feel good so feels best to me to get away from that attacking energy and go and something that makes me feel good.
    I will now walk away
    I will sing.
    I whistle a happy tune and walk away

  217.  #217Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    i love my anger

    i love my scaredness

    i love my sadness

    i love my tightness

    i love my frustration

    i love my disappointment

    i love my yawn

    i love my fear

    i love my far awayness

    i love my triggeredness

    i love my shoutiness

    i love my fight back ness

    i love my anger

    i love my defensiveness

    i love my fear

    i love my sad

    i love my smile

  218.  #218Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    yay the CD i was to meet stood me up and i feel glad cuz i was feeling unsure about meeting him

  219.  #219Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    i feel bummed

    i feel sad i didnt connect wiht my mom

    i feel pist i got asked again when i showed signs of feeling uncomfortable

    i feel resentful of that

    i love all my feelings

    i feel disappointed

    i feel resentful that i ‘have to’ deal with it ‘alone’ and be the emotional adult while my mom has attacky/pushy/ hissy fits and then abandons me emotionally

    i love my blamy thinking

    i love my smile

    i feel good about myself to be able to care for me this way

    i feel sad that im putting myself in this position to feel pain

    i feel glad im opening up and sharing myself

    i want to heal this!

  220.  #220Tereana on November 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    I feel angry at him for going away. (not that he’s really doing that, but it feels like it). I feel a little mini-grief. And I feel anger as part of that grief. Part of the loss. Like miscarriage – there was this little thing that started to form, and then – oops! – not right now. not this one, not this time.

    And maybe he’s just making room for the one who really *is* the guy for me. Who knows? I just felt this nice, friendly energy. We talked together.

    And I realized, after the second time I saw him, that I did get a little bit “attached.” Maybe it was the kissing and the touching. But I must have known that he wasn’t ever going to be serious about me. I could say “sure, let’s have friends with benefits.” But then I would feel like I was compromising myself.

    He must know that he can’t really offer me all that I need and deserve. And so he’s stepping back. Which is fine. I’m just angry, because I know it’s the truth. And yet, I found it so pleasurable, that I want to wish it were different. But it’s not…

    I love me, hugs to me. I wish he and I were having the conversation in person……right now.

  221.  #221Daria on November 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Dear mom i see your upset and clearly it was you who created the situation by talking to dad when he was focused on soemthing else important to him and you didn’t respect his time.


  222.  #222Tereana on November 15, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    But I’m fighting the urge to contact him. It feels good to feel my feelings. Even if they don’t feel “good.” They feel rich with information….

  223.  #223Tam on November 15, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    I miss MrP. And how small is Florida please?
    My friend went to school with him, the one I was out with today, and how come I never knew this before…everything is reminding me…urgh. They know each other but only faintly.
    I didn’t know that. How annoying and triggering.

    In order to get some peace with it all, I read up on adult ADHD stuff today and found that he is the classic hard case….even intimate stuff…it was just like reading an account of him. That made me feel better because I can say that none of it is anybody’s fault, he was acting out on his stuff and I was getting hurt because of my stuff and because of expecting this cause I know him, so my conclusion is that it’s all good.

    I don’t feel angry or bitter, I just feel like ‘awww, what a shame all this crap gets into the was of humans connecting’…compassion for both of us.

    Probably wouldn’t serve me at all to stay open if he did come back but out of experience, when he feels that trust was broken (we had a similar scenario once before), he stays away 3 months or so and maybe that is a good thing and a good space for me to move on and get my life into order and I might have even met someone else and I might not even be there. Life goes on, the earth turns and it’s not such a big deal. We will be friends one day and that is good too.

    Still sad but I can’t keep going about my ways saying the earth is flat when it is in fact round. Reality.
    I feel sad because I did not get to see the old guy, who was so excited at me coming down and I had prepared some food for all of us to hang out together and talk, which is what we used to do. Well, one day I have a car I will go and see him….

  224.  #224Daria on November 15, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    ah! i feel triggered uncomfortable embarassment

    this boy from my middle school greeted me when i was out the other night, with my date

    and i didnt remember him clearly – and i wa high

    i feel sooooooooo embarassed!

    i am Thinking! that my highness put him off as i judge myeslf for being hi when i interact with people that i don’t know if they approve of it oh i want to heal this

    eeek it feels so sad and uncomfortable to notice that

    “missed opportunity’ to connect oh i feel so GUILTY

    this is deep and i dont get it so i bet theres so much healing here yay

  225.  #225Daria on November 15, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    also im not sure the earth is round is it? eeek more stuff i can read about and let my mind open and raom

  226.  #226Daria on November 15, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    eeh i feel needy

    im learning and im doing and still i feel the urge the burn to be invited out to do something else

    ahhh connecting yes that would feel good

    scorpio cd is texting and i got the jump oh it would feel great if he would put out my fire but i feel annoyed that the fire is on everyday

  227.  #227Daria on November 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Scorpio CD said he hadn’t called me cuz he could tell i was holding back for some reason – and no nto cuz we didnt have sex – but he wanted to see what would happen if he gave me some time he said



    i guess i was holding back cuz i kept worrying hes bisexual, now i have New CD who is adoring and giving and i am also worried he’s bisexual lol


    so he say snow Scorpio CD: What you doing beauty

    me: pfff feeling a lil lonely

    Scorpio CD: Lonely? Why’ where u at? You know I’ll come keep you company

    Me: Yay!!! 🙂 that would feel awesome

    awwww and he said at one pt

    ill call u in 5 min

    then called an hour laer

    and then he says, i gotta do something ill call u in 5 min. and it will really be 5 min not an hour like last time

    awwww 🙂

  228.  #228Radlove on November 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Well Emerson, looks like it’s the end of the road for K and me…again. God give me strength to follow thru. His toxicity reared its ugly head again, in a manipulative, controlling move he made. Tomorrow I am ending the friendship when he calls. It won’t be fun and it won’t be easy.

    But I am gaining strength, little by little.

    In other news, Diesel is back in the picture. We have been in contact since August, 3 months, and he has yet to meet me.

    His excuse was a major remodeling project in his basement, from the floor to walls, to ceiling, the whole thing. Here is my question:

    Is that acceptable? Can I say a man is okey dokey after he slides along for three months because of remodeling? I wonder if he will be the kind of man who is too busy for a deep relationship, who will make the relationship low priority?

    Let me ask you this: Would you date a man who had kept you on the string for 3 months without meeting you? Would you give him a chance, at least one date?

  229.  #229Radlove on November 15, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Ha! The cumulative effect of this blog is that after 2.5 years, I feel more interested in coming on the blog and chatting with my women friends than in communicating with my latest CDs, LOL!

    You all are more interesting and deep! 🙂

  230.  #230Radlove on November 15, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    I feel at a loss as to how to handle my Mom. She has been going around telling people she is dying…for twenty years.

    Today I got a voicemail that said, “I’m lying down. I don’t know if i will be getting back up. I just want you to know you are precious to me, and I have loved the years I spent with you, and I will miss you so much. I think I am dying. Something doesn’t feel right, and I think this is it.”

    How the heck do you respond to something like that??

    The natural inclination is to run to the person and comfort her. But after 20 years of it, I feel just manipulated, and even a tad contemptuous, I hate to admit. I just rolled my eyes and hit save.

    Later I talked to her and she said she felt a little better after her nap. Nothing in me felt inclined to zip over to see her and comfort her.

    She is overkill on manipulation, and I think she is blind to it. Ugh. It is sad, really. I feel embarrassed for her.

    yet at the same time I know it is surely hard living away from family at a nursing home. She DOES need family around. But I don’t want to see her because I feel manipulated. I want to see her because it is a joy.

    Going to give this some thought, how to best help her. I welcome any feedback.

  231.  #231Daria on November 15, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Radlove – how i would do it with the mom issue is to not answer when it feels bad. only respond when it feels good!

    give myself lots of love!

    about the Diesel guy situation – sure it’s acceptable for a guy to talk to a woman and not meet her for 3 months… or … ever

    what i do is not answer men anymore when they are not setting up dates

    sometims i have a lil extra energy and answer their current text w a smily

    but i don’t really invest more than ONE or two responses with a guy that hasn’t made moves to see me yet

    its not with a resentful feeling toward him (anymore at least woo hooo!) but rather cuz im busy ‘caretaking my energy’ and making sure this siren is using her energy for the present moment and connecting with real in the flesh people that show up in her life

  232.  #232Linda on November 15, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    175 FW. Yes I am aware of those things. when I said I take emotional responsiblility for my make out session with him I do. It was simply that.. a delicious encounter. It is the things he has said to me in conversation following our intial date that has caused me to pause….I do not believe he is being genuine but may be totally as genuine as gold. My last relationship he would say what he thought you wanted to hear and I hated that….. I know these are my triggers in me. I did not say I was right in my feelings but am acknowledging that I need to feel thru them, which is what I was trying to relay in my post. He is single and can do what he wants just as I can… but I am not making any kind of statements that assume my way into his life or a relationship. I know that I would have great sex with him I could feel it with every fiber in me… but I want a relationship with great sex, not great sex and no relationship. I simply just feel much less interested in and open to him now. I will continue to keep leaning back as I have today.

    181 ..Daria, thank you. It feels challangening to remain open… it feels unwise.. I know that it is because of the last guy in my life. Plus I wanted to clarify that I did not purposely go and look to see if he was online. When you sign on POF and click on your inbox which is what I did today… the ones who have written you that are online just pop up in a line right in front of you. That is how I saw it today, it was just there right in front of my face. It felt disappointing Thank you for your suggestion I will try.

    I will remain leaned back and do my best to remain open to what he brings.

    — on another note… I had a date tonight, hamburger and a movie. I do enjoy this guy . He plans, drives, pays.. is a gentleman. He is handsome and is just fine. so… I will see what tomorow brings…

    Thanks ladies hugs to you.

  233.  #233Daria on November 15, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    Radlove – when i mentioned “give myself/yourself love”

    about the mom situation

    its really helped me so much lately to write down all the judgements i have of a person, like my dad for example

    as if they are MY attributes and say i love myself

    somehow thats really made me more able to handle – not get as triggered – when others are doing it!

    and i always notice that yes, i do have that in myself too, usually in ways i hadn’t noticed till i wrote down that i love myself for it

    ex here: “i love the part of me that is over dramatic and manipulative and acts like i should be taken care of instead of taking care of others. i LOVE the narcissitic part of me that triggers others to feel unloved and unappreciated”


  234.  #234Daria on November 15, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Linda – i hear you i get triggered by the POF in your face thing too sometimes!

    im right here riding alongside you with staying open with two guys i have thoughts are bisexual because they act ‘girly’ sometimes (they said they are not) … and who TREAT ME WONDERFULLY and remind me of my highschool boyfriend!!!! (that was too ‘nice’ and i got completely turned off by tho i stayed for 2 years not to hurt his feelings) and my childhood best friend (who i was not attracted to)

    i keep wanting to maybe criticize them on their feminine expressions and gestures… one does this thing where he has like a full body melty orgasm when he enjoys something… ICK! i feel so turned off by it

    i want to express myself and also NOT criticize or shut it down

    it feels challenging!

  235.  #235Radlove on November 15, 2012 at 8:16 pm


    231 – Thank you!!! Both brilliant responses! I really appreciate it. Perfect.

  236.  #236Radlove on November 15, 2012 at 8:18 pm


    233 – Very profound. I get it, and I buy it. So wise. And especially in my Mom’s case, I feel embarrassed to say I have been her blueprint in many ways. Just healing, and trusting that she will find healing too…as I do.

  237.  #237R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    You’re hearing rumours about me
    And you can’t stomach the thought
    Of someone touching my body
    When you’re so close to my heart
    I won’t deny what they saying
    Because most of it is true
    But it was all before I fell for you

    So please babe
    So please don’t judge me
    And I won’t judge you
    Cause it could get ugly
    Before it gets beautiful
    Please don’t judge me
    And I won’t judge you
    And if you love me
    Then let it be beautiful
    Let it be beautifu-u-ul, let it be beautiful
    Let it be beautifu-u-ul, let it be beautiful

    ….love this and feel it speaks to me

  238.  #238R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    It’s awful that I lack trust and faith in men “romantically” I opened my heart and I mean really let my defenses down and fell hard with this one. I got burned and I learned from it but the end result is still I don’t want to feel that sad again, so letting someone in is almost a far fetched idea never to be thought of again..oh wow sad to read and write, this is yucky feelings

    I am punishing myself but my heart is so locked away
    I hate myself for loving you but love you for letting me go.

    So hard in the fact I will not prove myself to anyone, this is me take me as I am and you dont have to love me or even like me just leave me alone. If you loved me you would have been here when I needed u most and if you cared at all, I wouldn’t feel so abandoned.

  239.  #239R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    I will say through all of this I have slowed down in life. Stopped being so dramatic and just learn to “be” with myself and learn and love myself again. Which amongst all the crazy drama in life I really am learning to channel my feelings. I let myself feel things and be ok with it, voice it if I feel I need to but at the end of the day I never go to bed trying to please anyone. I am learning to do my best one day at a time sometimes have to break it down to one hour at a time. However I get through but the best thing is I get through on my own without needing any acceptance from anyone. I accept and love myself enough to finally understand this and continue to write about it and share with you on the blog. Pretty intense for me

  240.  #240R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    I do miss that feeling..the safe, loved, and just blessed in one’s arms. The world is okay because your in it.

  241.  #241Goddess Lily on November 15, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    So I my work ex did call me and actually commit to a plan for the evening. And while I was out having drinks with him CaliCD texts to say he is in the state… 9pm. Obviously he had no plan of seeing me today. Glad I never leaned forward. Don’t know whether he has any plan to see me. But here’s the kicker….I told my work ex I wanted to go home alone tonight……so then he tried to make plans with me for tomorrow night. I still don’t know whether CaliCD is going to come through. So I felt conflicted.

    Earlier in the evening work ex and I had alluded to being sexually exclusive with each other. I took that opportunity to make sure he understood that I was dating others though. So when I didn’t immediately agree to seeing him again tomorrow, me dating others became very real to him. And it sparked a long conversation about how he felt about it. Because of our history he already knows my ultimate goal is a committed relationship leading to marriage so I didn’t have to remind him why I was dating. He acknowledged that he can’t really be upset because he hasn’t stepped up. But then he goes on to say how I’m the only woman he has ever gotten jealous about. He cant bear to think about me with anyone else. And he’s really freaking out because behalf a dream last night about me choosing someone else.

    I feel bad about him feeling bad. I don’t have a planned date for tomorrow but I told him I would let him know tomorrow if I was available. I told him to go about his plan and if I didn’t give him an answer in time then that would be on me. There was probably a time when I would’ve been pleased with him feeling jealous cause it meant I was important to him but that’s not good enough anymore. I need action. So here I sit feeling confused and lost with what seems like no good options.

  242.  #242Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    wow i threw myself off into a pit and i guess Scorpio CD is not coming, he’s def not picking up his phone

    i feel hella disapointed

    theres this other guy who wanted to come but even HE is not texting back, wow im ina real deep pit here

    okay i just got a bit better cuz the other guy caled me back

    well i guess Scorpio CD is flaking cuz i didnt confimr with him right away

    ouch it feels painful

  243.  #243Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    i feel like crying

  244.  #244Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    i feel shocked Scorpio CD is doing this, tho i can practically read men’s thoughts (at least it seems like that to me) when stuff gets thrown off track

    well that just sux for me i guess no company tonite i feel diappointed and also chill and

    who knows maybe somethign will change?

  245.  #245Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    i guess thats the end of Scorpio CD, they don’t really amke a comback after standing you up

    that sux as it felt so fun to connect with him

  246.  #246Vi on November 15, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    Feeling fight or flight and tightened in my body. He is not relevant anyway… um… It’s all about me andmy choices.. I choose to get down to my knees and feel sad for a while….

  247.  #247Janie Baby on November 15, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    aw Daria, I’m sorry. I know that feeling 🙁 … I felt lonely tonight at home, so I made myself get out of bed and take a walk down to the harbor. I could see all the sparkling lights of the East Bay and Sausalito in the distance and it felt comforting. To see twinkling in the distance. here I was walking alone, but the little lights seemed hopeful even though they were sooo far away.

  248.  #248Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    wow well i shifted my mood and now he’s texted me


    and also the other guy is texting me wanting to make planst for tomorrow now

  249.  #249Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Janie Baby – haha im in the bay too… it feels kinda cold out there tho… brrr! 🙂

  250.  #250Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    well scorpio says “should i still come”?

    at least he knows ill freak out and stop talking to him if he stands me up in the future lol

    heres me

    call 3 times

    text: “Hey im feeling anxious i am calling but not getting thru…”

    second text from me 30 min later

    “Wow babe 🙁 well I’m feeling like crying to get stood up. Good luck in the future I felt good connecting w u.”

    YAY! im glad i didnt really blame haha!



    ah i love myself

  251.  #251Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Janie Babie – thank you so much it felt so uplifting to read your post and so surprising to hear about the East Bay and Sausalito I feel yummie!


  252.  #252Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Janie Baby – thank you so much it felt so uplifting to read your post and so surprising to hear about the East Bay and Sausalito I feel yummie!

  253.  #253Daria on November 15, 2012 at 9:56 pm


  254.  #254Vi on November 15, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Being responsible for my choices feels so scary… Is it because I feel afraid I’m going to be harsh on myself if the choice doesn’t feel right?… ((((Vi)))) I can use this trigger, when a choice feels not right, to practice being gentle to myself purposefully. Just like right now! l feel safer. Thank you, No beating up rule feels more ‘comprehended’…

  255.  #255Daria on November 15, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    and now the handsomest guy is texting me out of nowhere!

  256.  #256Daria on November 15, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    rolling in those deep waves like a true navigator

  257.  #257Tereana on November 15, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    This has been like a huge, big, trigger feat over here.

    On the one hand, I’ve got a guy who really basically loves me already, even though we are not together. And he seems like a good man. And yet, I feel resistant. I feel like “not now.” and maybe not him.

    On the other hand, I’ve got this other guy – non-committal, but I like him. And he’s the one telling me “not now,” which might mean ‘not me.’ though that might just be my interpretation.

    I still feel like I want to “say” some things to him. But the quiet voice in my head is telling me no. Just wait. There’s more..,

    He’s going to respond, and I don’t know how. I guess I will see.

    I don’t know what to do. I feel In the middle of wanting and not wanting. I want a relationship, generally. I don’t know if I really want (or can deal with) one in my life right now. How do I express this authentically and truly without sounding totally wishy-washy? Maybe I am that way. And maybe the way I am right now – like that, and closed off from affection – is the way I need to be. And maybe not.

    But I hope I am able to open up, too…for my sake.


  258.  #258MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:12 pm


    I really love what you said to Radlove concerning her worries about her mom. Really wonderful and empathetic. I can’t help but see you as totally genuine and lovely and a beautiful soul.

    …And a raging goddess! 😉

  259.  #259R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    You know I love when sirens share stories because we all go through our life’s experience with different interpretations. It is helpful and @254 just be honest with your feelings to him. It may sound wishy washy but if that is how u feel say so. Tell him you are interested and trying to just balance it all out at the moment and ask him if he could be patient with you. What do you think?

  260.  #260Janie Baby on November 15, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Daria- cool im in SF! love the city 🙂 yeah i just had a huge jacket on.

    and i’m trying to be in the moment right now. really hard. i’m feeling a little anxious. my boyfriend left this morning and we said maybe we’d go to the sauna at his gym either tonight after his work or sometime tomororw, but then I start to feel blamey when he hasn’t called yet. ANd I feel like he should be calling me to see how I’m doing since I’m sick. But I also feel I should release expectations. I feel confused. I don’t watn to overanalyze. I want to remain open. I don’t like to be angry. I feel a desire to call but then I will feel disappointed that I leaned forward if he doesn’t pick up. I’m just gonna take a shower soon and not go to the sauna if it takes too long. I feel a little sad. I read old emails from last year and we were so in love with each other. Now it just doesn’t feel the same. Before we couldn’t go a night without each other. I feel a little sad. BUt I also feel a little free at not having to spend every second with someone. I want my freedom, but I feel rejectd that my boyfriend doesn’t want to spend every second with me.

  261.  #261R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    I used to be so evasive and then it turned into leading guys on to letting guys go, and maybe hurt some. I never liked to be the one to hurt anyone intentionally, it feels awful. I am a RN for a reason I want people to feel good and or better holistically! I want to help in any way in those who need it which in turn makes me step back in the world of relationships…..OVERFUNCTION and then sadly has ended in me being taken advantage of as well. It is just hard to find middle ground but I am working on it.

  262.  #262MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:28 pm


    Wow..That resonates with me. I could have written that when I was dating. G would have been the latter man.

    I won’t relate the story because something is telling me not to tamper with your situation…A voice yelling, don’t say anthing! Just tell her to be patient and continue the path of opening her heart. It might be a bumpy path, there is so much to learn.

  263.  #263MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:31 pm


    I wrote you something but I can not, for the life of ne, figure out why it went into moderation? lol

  264.  #264MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:31 pm


  265.  #265MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:32 pm


  266.  #266MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:33 pm


  267.  #267MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    Try again…

    Wow..That resonates with me. I could have written that when I was dating. G would have been the latter man.

    I won’t relate the story because something is telling me not to tamper with your situation…A voice yelling, don’t say anything! Just tell her to be patient and continue the path of opening her heart. It might be a bumpy path, there is so much to learn.

  268.  #268MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    I didn’t change it…lol weird.

  269.  #269Janie Baby on November 15, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    I will feel disappointed if he doesn’t call me. What should I say if he waits until tomorrow to call? We didn’t have set plans. I said “if not tonight maybe tomorrow”… 🙁 should i just drop it and be open when he calls tomororw or say something like “what happened to the sauna?”

  270.  #270R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    You know life is hard, relationships with people are challenging. We are each our own but sometimes whether it was in your plans or not your blind- sided by the big L-WORD! I was left standing there coming to terms in denial, needy, and just scared out of my mind. I had no idea I would fall in love at that time in my life. I did not really keep touch with guys because I would just protect my heart by keepin it moving as I was finishing nursing school.This one fellow would not leave, he let his existance be very known to me. Before I knew it I had no idea what this man did to me and I blamed him. I was angry like this was your plan why did you persue the way you did to walk away when all was said and done….marrried?? Its been a long time and it still feels like you see right through me without even looking. I picture your smile and eyes and it makes me smile but sad I miss our times.

  271.  #271R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    I just have learned so much from your stories here and a lot of soul searching. I am so much more in tune with the woman I am and who I wanna be. I am more in tune to others and thier feelings and just try my best. Save the drama for your mama, I don’t want any parts of craziness we all have our own past and present obstacles. I want to laugh and be silly but romantic and sexy, classy and independent, and I want him to look at me and think as he looks, How did I get so lucky? I am so happy she picked me. Knowingly I feel the same about him when you kiss or look in eachother’s eyes it is so intense. That feeling is better than any drugzzz or mixed drink.

  272.  #272Tereana on November 15, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Thanks for the hug, lovealways. That felt good! : )

    I feel better after my dance class. It was a good one, too!

    Still processing all the feelings and emotions. I felt annoyed at his communication. He asked me what I was looking for – perfectly reasonable and acceptable. He was curious. But then he said what he was looking for – “not serious” – which, to me, just cuts off all further inquiry. That’s what you’re looking for? Okay, maybe I don’t know all the details of what I have in mind, but “not serious” isn’t a descriptor. It’s not even in the radar. How do I have a conversation now? I guess I just feel wondering – what does that mean to him? Maybe, if he writes to me, I can ask him to be more specific.

    I just don’t want to share myself and get to know a man who isn’t now and will never be serious for me…too bad, though. Because, again, I really liked him and I enjoyed spending time with him. That’s all I know. I don’t know anything about “serious”…. :-/

  273.  #273Janie Baby on November 15, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    I feel really sad.
    I just found out one of my best friend’s friends died today from alcohol overdose. He was only 21 and he was in a coma, and they pulled the plug today. 🙁 I feel so sad. He was such an amazing guy. I never met him face to face, but my friend had the best things to say about him.
    I feel panicky. I feel scared to lose people I love. I feel a little lonely because my boyf who used to be my best friend, I feel like I can’t call him and reach out when I’m feeling sad. Maybe I can, but it will make me more sad knowing I’m all alone if he doesn’t answer. 🙁

  274.  #274R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    @268 you can ask of course, just ask him what it means and if you want more than you have to walk because no matter what he says and does it does not mean he has changed his feelings for you. Like all the sudden would want more with you and he said at start he didnt want serious. They say most men if you askwill tell you and if they are interested they will say so.

  275.  #275R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    @269 I am relating with what your saying here . My biggest problem is I do not handle rejection well. I am learning but it is just bahh

  276.  #276R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    I very rarely send two texts if a man doesnt answer my first text, I walk. That is my defense mechanism, helps avoid rejection and helps you avoid frustration. I have chased and took crumbs and it felt horrible. I will not repeat the past.

  277.  #277R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Sorry for spamming blog ladies….just have a lot trapped in my heart and mind at moment

  278.  #278R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    I cannot even fathom losing my mom, I have been giving myself self talk to be strong for her through her chemo it is just when you are so used to seeing someone be so strong and will still always be your hero it is still very hard to watch them go through the pain and emotional loss. I am going to be there for her and no matter how sick she may get, she will have her family by her side. I love you mommy and I pray for u tonight and the next…and the next…

  279.  #279Janie Baby on November 15, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    I just texted him “I feel sad 🙁 I was looking forward to going to the sauna after a kind of lonely day. I really miss being best friends. :(” He called me immediately, and was like “baby whats wrong?” being super sweet, but then he got offended when i said “i feel rejected lately” he got offended cause he said he has spent the last few nights with me. and got angry and said he wanted to have a long honest talk where we hash everything out and we talk about our wants and needs and what we want short term and long term out of the relationship because he doesnt like the limbo of our relationship how i have been like calling him sad about us after we have an amazing time. i feel confused. he said he loves me and wants to make it work but he said its not gonna work with me being sad about us all the time. i don’t know how to feel. i feel weird. i dont know what to say in the conversation. maybe i dont know what i want. i feel sad. i feel confused. i feel guilty for being sad about something soo small when my friend’s friend just passed. I feel selfish.

  280.  #280R.N.AmazingMe on November 15, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    I am so scared for her and what is to come. I am so nervous guess that is why I am not sleeping now or well lately. I feel like my world is falling apart without my mom.I don’t want her to ever feel guily for putting anyone through anything. She is like that she will lose it and break down many times before it is all over but I am learning how to help her cope. One day at a time, one hour to one step, life is too short.

  281.  #281MissStix on November 15, 2012 at 11:41 pm


    I feel sad reading.

    I don’t know how to say what I want to say…

    Perhaps…You can approach this by shifting perspective a bit. Are you generally in good spirits until this man does something to bring you down? Or, are you generally feeling low and hoping this man will do something to bring you up, then feeling worse when he doesn’t?

  282.  #282Indigo on November 15, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    I realised something whilst chatting to my ex on Skype on Wednesday. He knows I have moved on from the hope of having a relationship with him, and I know I have, so why was I having a hard time completely letting go? I realised that it was because a part of me, a kind of small part and not the whole of me, still loves him and it is a part of me that *I* love. It is the part of me which is the Celtic sea, it is the part of me which is gentle and dreamy and imaginative, it is the part of me which appreciates when he does nice things for me, which appreciates that he doesn’t go anywhere but contacts me regularly. Cutting him out of my life would feel like betraying that part of myself. I was unsure whether to share this with him but I was tumbled up emotionally and weepy (lovely renewing tears) so less guarded than usual, and I shared it with him. First he said he was unsure how to respond, then he completely opened up and told me something that he had refused to tell me before.

    I feel like I can continue on my journey and take this part of me with me, and keep adjusting my focus forward and onto myself. I don’t have to cut out this part of me like chopping off a limb.

  283.  #283Janie Baby on November 15, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    Miss Stix I don’t know. I don’t know why I put so much importance on his opinion. I was feeling sad, and then I got more sad that he wasn’t around for me. So I’m not really sure. I think it’s that I live alone and my two girl friends here have boyfriends so I barely see them and he’s my only friend. If I had other friends (close close friends I could invite over to just chill and not do anything and be silent) like him then it wouldn’t make me so sad when he doesn’t always reach out. our relationship worked better when I lived with people. Now I just hear my thoughts, and I feel anxious and then I will call him to unlease my anxiety. I have lean backed, but it’s hard for me to lean back and then be warm when he reaches out. How do I let go of the anger when leaning back? when i lean back i feel angry when he finally reaches out.

  284.  #284MissStix on November 16, 2012 at 12:00 am


    You expressed that so beautifully.

  285.  #285R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 12:23 am

    MissStix I agree you have to shift your perspective if that is an issue for you. Meaning just chiming in here but I was tought but just started really hearing and using the whole fact you never rely on anyone for your own happiness much less a man or everytime you set yourself up for dissappointment. You have to find your own happiness and know you are happy with what your life holds and if not you have to find that part of yourself. It took me awhile but it really does lift a lot of stress off of you and now I think about it probably lifts the pressure off that person as well. I am sure men feel it even in just actions and the neediness. So your neediness wouldn’t be about him at all it’s about you. You have to fix it. I am having an AHAAA, wow hearing all my life to being forced to actually find my happiness to explaining here. Makes so much sense to me. I hope that helps some, Thanks it enlightened me

  286.  #286MissStix on November 16, 2012 at 12:23 am

    Janie- I feel you… You could give some thought and feeling to enjoying your own company. Use your alone time to not only learn to love your sad feelings, but also learn to feel excited and happy to spend time with yourself. You can even date yourself, which is what I did, and still do. Lay under the stars and just absorb the universe and it’s infinite magic. Talk to it and love it and ask it to bless you, and feel that it wants to. Go stare at the water and breathe in the air andtell yourself how beautiful you are. Drink a glass of champagne and feel each tiny bubble tickle your tongue and delight in the finite sensations.

    Whatever works for you.

    When you talk, you can do a lot of listening. You can say “ok”. You can be silent, if it feels right. You can say “I feel confused” if he asks questions that feel difficult to answer. You can even say you feel a need for time and space to process everything. And you can make sure he knows, your new goal, is learning how to create your own happiness. No matter what he says to you. My hope is that you find your own way. Once you get there, it’s all gravy.

  287.  #287Indigo on November 16, 2012 at 12:29 am

    Radlove 228

    I wouldn’t feel ok keeping a man in my life who waited 3 months to meet me, I inherently don’t want to judge him, or *make* him want to meet me, but I would battle to keep the energy or interest going for that long from my side. I don’t want to assume what your interest or energy level for this guy is though, because I feel everyone’s boundaries are in different places.

    For your mom, I hope you don’t mind me commenting but I have also had a difficult history with my mom. I feel that if I were in your shoes, I would feel tired of the games/manipulation. I think if it were me I would want to get to the truth of the matter as soon as possible, something along the lines of “Mom, are you lonely? Do you want me to come visit? I would feel more connected to you if you would tell me the truth. It feels bad to hear that you think you are dying and makes me not want to come at all.”
    I don’t know if that is helpful :/ I feel a little exasperated with difficult parents and sometimes the only thing that I feel I can do is put a little distance
    ((((children of difficult parents))))

  288.  #288MissStix on November 16, 2012 at 12:29 am


    Yep, and It’s only so simple *after* we get it, isn’t it? So the way of life…

    I do remember how a$$ backwards and upside down and twisted it all looked in the beginning.

  289.  #289R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 12:40 am

    @284 yes so true I didn’t know I wasn’t owning my own happiness. I mean I thought I was just a social flirt dating and having fun which yes was the case but deep down when I felt real love and the happiness it brought I was feeling so empty. Alone, missing out, used, vulnerable, and like I let it happen so I was angry at not just me but all around me. Some may think this is simple but this is one of the hardest things to do. Some think they have it figured out and are happy like I thought but are sadley mistaken. When You experience that happiness and it is gone and it consumes you and it actually prevents you from living a healthy lifestyle. Causes depression and loss low self esteem but when you find it in yourself it is awesome when you feel it and know you are cool with being in your shoes. Happy with your life and move on towards your goals. Anything more than that would just be extra blessings.

  290.  #290R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 12:42 am

    That feels good to share 🙂 Thanks ladies!

  291.  #291R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 12:48 am

    I am working on my bitterness now while it’s really not as bad as I joke about with family and friends. I more than anything just feel after you make that transition you will feel betrayed and anger. You have bitterness to men and people in general. So the way it was for me is after I worked through the self love and finding who I was and what I wanted. Happiness was not an issue, just leaves a sour taste in your mouth at first but I will say it fades with time as you live your life for you and yours. Now I can be honest with myself and say though I am disappointed how things worked out I am greatful for what it did for me in the end. I am so lucky to have found a way to my heart and to all that helped me get there I appreciate you always. No hard feelings anymore at fist I was really mad, but I am ok with how things turned out.

  292.  #292Vi on November 16, 2012 at 12:49 am

    Oh wow 4 pages of emotions and don’s wants and 2 FM sentences as an output. hehe I feel giggly 🙂 I feel amazed by you Vi! Feeling inspired to practice melting and speaking my truth now!! And see how it feels! Woohoo!

  293.  #293R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 12:57 am

    I see the theory in this psychological approach to the heart, mind, and souls of people. You have to reach each one to have homeostasis in the body. What I love is my new found confidence, I lost weight but fluctuated now I am continuously losing little by little. I feel so much better and my self esteem is great! I am self conscious at times but it happens I dont let that stuff get me anymore. I am more easygoing and just a relaxed person “usually”. On the inside I am at so much more peace it is such a relief. To not care what others may think or say has been amazing!! I used to hate that and may have some kinks to work out still but let me say I walk head held high because I am a sexy, and classy woman with self respect. What others say doesn’t bother me I used to look for people talking bad about me now I am lucky if I slow down to hear a compliment. I am just sharing my story, a tough lesson recently and freshly learned. SUch an awesome experience though and I just hope any of you can take my experience and relate or maybe help u understand yourself some too!!

  294.  #294R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 1:11 am

    Speak away Vi! You see I tend to just get carried away but it feels good to type it out and helps you feel and understand even more where your coming from. The only person you have to clarify your feelings and emotions and struggles is within yourself that is why I like the blog. We not only just type for the clarity and release but to help one another through our experiences. That is a great source to have. I agree with RadLove this is where I go first before my email a lot of times. This is a little world where anything goes and feelings good and bad neither awarded or punished just coping styles with life andrelationships. I just don’t talk about it to anyone because it is like my safe place.

  295.  #295Vi on November 16, 2012 at 1:14 am

    R.N.AmazingMe 🙂

  296.  #296R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Life is not a bowl of cherries and it is trying and sometimes exhausting but it’s how you cope and bounce back from getting knocked down. If you stay down the only person losing is you. Everytime you get back up and fight for what you believe you are that much stronger and more respected. Your kids see the life and fight inside of you and want more for themselves too!

  297.  #297R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 1:25 am

    uggh ok in moderation infomercial spiritual one guy says sow your two hundred and seventy three dollar seed and receive your breakthrough now…laughing out loud here I am sorry that is just wrong.

  298.  #298R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 1:35 am

    That saying “Fake it, Until you make it!” I have heard that a lot growing up and not understood much of it. The crazy part is you have no idea your faking it maybe sometimes you know but it fluctuates. The funny thing is that when you make it meaning when you have made it to your happiness there is no way to fake that. You cannot fake happiness because you will continue on a path of self destruction a lot of times unknowingly! Acting out in ways to fullfill the void that is never fullfilled and you don’t understand why. I was lucky enough to have teachers in my life to bring me to a realization but more for me it was accepting I was in denial of being happy with my lifestyle and relationships with people. Things have totally changed for me and I really and honestly can say I do not regret not one bit of it like I once thought I did. That is very awesome this is good to be able to viisit a positive thing these days. Life is hard but I will never stop trying and loving! Do you ever stop to think that if those two actions were removed from our actions and way of life we would not function as humanbeings. A world that is without “Love” and without those who “Try” would be a very tired, cold and lonely world. Food for thought!

  299.  #299Indigo on November 16, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Thank you MissStix 🙂

  300.  #300R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 1:45 am

    Ok so they are saying release and sow the two hundred and seventy three dollar seed to the man upstairs, so your money can be multiplied. this is so just sickening to me I really hope people do not still fall for this stuff these days.

  301.  #301Tam on November 16, 2012 at 3:50 am

    277 Indigo, that was lovely and resonates…hmmm

  302.  #302Tam on November 16, 2012 at 3:53 am

    I did a lot of listening at level 2 with my male friend yesterday and he talked and talked and on the rare occasions I was saying something, he cut me off mid sentence because he was so eager to contribute something that he didn’t listen….that was quite a lesson on how awful it is when we do that to a man.

  303.  #303Goddess Lily on November 16, 2012 at 4:05 am

    So here I am like it’s ground hog day….day 2…same problem. Will CaliCD set up a date early enough? Will I spend another evening with my ex who doesn’t want to share but won’t commit? CaliCD and I are in the same time zone now so I can’t use that as an excuse for not hearing from him. Get it together men!!!!

  304.  #304Tam on November 16, 2012 at 4:07 am

    Yesterday, I was tempted to just blow it….you see, MrP had been asking me a few times what I think is wrong with him..he thinks his disorganisation/messiness is ‘kind of normal for a man’ and used to say ‘maybe I am obsessive compulsive as I have very little self control’….urgh…
    and now we kind of now, and it’s quite a common thing, it is so tempting to point him to it. And I wonder why I don’t, is it because I have the Rori Raye mantra in my head ‘don’t advise’ etc. but really, it doesn’t matter because relationship is impossible with him and if he was a friend who is dying to find what is going on – I would point him to the right direction. However, I am wondering if I feel scared of the fact that he will get even angrier and not speak to me again in months maybe years if I suggest something that wasn’t his idea. And why should I care? Maybe I do care, maybe part of me wants him to come back and go through all this stuff again? Oh no.
    And I need to remind myself that I am not mother Theresa…but I do feel bad for him as he knows something is wrong and keeps guessing…urgh.
    Ok, detach.
    I can’t fix.
    If it was a girlfriend would I point her towards the problem/solution. Oh yes, especially if she asked me.
    Thing is, he would also still have his relationship and trust issues anyway….so it’s not like I am doing that for me haha….his relationship issues are something totally different as I know quite a few people with that particular problem in loving marriages and relationships (well, two).

    No, I need to let go….BUT maybe if he ever asks me again and we are over this patch, maybe then I will feel able to just give a pointer. He seems open to it.

    Ok. Sorry I needed to write this out to see how I feel about this. In some ways this would be the ideal time because we are not speaking anyway, and I know he would check it out because he is curious and loves to research….hmmm….it would send him to another Galaxy for around 6 months or so….and maybe it would be good if he was in another Galaxy…for me to move on…..

    Urgh. I AM NOT MOTHER THERESA. Thank you for listening 🙂

  305.  #305Tam on November 16, 2012 at 4:10 am

    Goddess Lily, they usually get it together when we have forgotten about them and go about our little merry ways 😉

  306.  #306Tam on November 16, 2012 at 4:14 am

    ‘we can’t be friends now, but if you ever need anything fixed again in your place, I’ll do it’

    bless him..haha. I need tons of stuff fixed, actually, but nah. I can only take so many MrP pacing around my place and opening/closing cupboards in order to find incriminating evidence as to other males….and then finding it and freaking. Jeez.

  307.  #307Goddess Lily on November 16, 2012 at 4:15 am

    I just really want to meet CaliCD. I don’t even know how long he will be on this side of the country. I haven’t decided on a cut off time that will be too late to accept an invitation. He’s getting a pass because he doesn’t live here but for how long?

    Maybe it’s better if I don’t meet him if this is how he shows interest.

  308.  #308Goddess Lily on November 16, 2012 at 4:18 am

    Tam, my ex won’t be able to get it together at least until he gets his business venture off the ground if at all. He’s wanted it for a while and he’s closer than ever. But I fear he will just find a bigger business goal after that.

  309.  #309Tam on November 16, 2012 at 4:24 am

    303..yes, Goddess, that is what happens…..
    I had the same thing going. There is always ‘something’ in the way. I understand that men like to succeed with their goals as a priority before relationship, however, if it keeps going (and I had this with MrP also), ‘once the business is back to normal’, ‘once I have sold my house’, ‘once I have moved’ bla bla bla – well, then one has to wonder whether it’s never the right time….and whether if they find the woman they really want, the right time would be any time? Who knows!

  310.  #310Tam on November 16, 2012 at 4:34 am

    I am feeling better today, like resigned to the fact that people are who they are, and that if I can be forgiving to others, then I should make sure that I can be first and foremost forgive myself and look after me. Because I am the most important person in my life. My desire for harmony and all to be well sometimes lets me forget that.

  311.  #311Heart on November 16, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Hi – I feel so exhausted right now. It was good to stay away from the blog for a little while.
    Thanks to Annie & Mercedes for the feedback a couple of threads ago. Tam & Smile, I really need to scroll up and properly read what is happening! I’ve only had time to skim…((Hugs))

    Hmm..Wow..Having a surprised, hmmm kind of feeling and reaction to some of the posts I have read.
    I don’t really want to talk about him…but
    CuddleyGrinch has Asperger’s.

  312.  #312Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 5:31 am

    From Carol Allen email:-

    “Dad, it would make me very happy if you would go to the doctor and get checked out.” There was a long silent pause and then he said, “Ok”. I was shocked to say the least. The very first time out and it worked!

    Thanks, Carol. My dad got checked out and is taking antibiotics before he ends up in the hospital with pneumonia and now I have a phrase I can pull out during important times so any man I am speaking to, has the opportunity to please a woman and feel important doing so.”

  313.  #313Heart on November 16, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Tam – I wonder if you were subconsciously trying to sabotage things as well? I feel for you Tam…this back and forth….I think Mr.P is just so mean sometimes and he makes no sense. (((Tam)))…Hypocritical…

  314.  #314Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 5:37 am

    People subtly play out roles with each other in relationships. I am learning that when you tell a man what to do you are playing one of two roles:-

    1. His mother
    2. His boss

    He can only be one of two things:-

    1. Your child
    2. Your employee

    A man doesn’t want to take orders he want to be a hero. To be his own man who wants to make a woman happy.

  315.  #315Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Interesting insight:-

    “Because, as we’ve established, when you tell a man what to do, he feels like your child or your employee – he feels BENEATH YOU.

    Then, if you add insult to injury and fight with him about it – his sense of self-respect DEMANDS that he fight you to reestablish that he DOES NOT work for you, and you are NOT his mommy.”

  316.  #316Heart on November 16, 2012 at 5:45 am

    FW – where are these insights coming from?

    Smile/happy – Smile! I felt hurt for you…I felt a sinking oh no omg feeling…I feel sadangryvengefulself-righteous when reading about ur situation. (((Happysmile))).

  317.  #317Tam on November 16, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Hi Heart!!
    You make me laugh, thanks…hahaha….CuddleyGrinch has Aspergers….I feel amused now. I thought he was gay, actually! 😉

  318.  #318Tam on November 16, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Did you miss my whole soap opera of MrP holding my phone while it received a text from another guy?

  319.  #319Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 5:48 am

    “There are some men who, no matter how “well” you handle things, you’ll always have tension with.

    And it’s no one’s fault – it’s just the way your energies are together.

    There are some connections two people can have that INCREASE impatience and irritation, no matter how hard they WORK AT THINGS – almost OUT OF THE BLUE.

    And, again, it’s no one’s fault – it’s just the deal…”

    This is from Carol Allen.

  320.  #320Linda on November 16, 2012 at 5:49 am

    OK.. today I am in a better place than yesterday. I dont have any plans with anyone this week end.. ha
    Last week end I was double booked. I was asked out for tonight but he got all upset with me and went off because I did not respond to his text, (which I did) but he did not get it. Geez… sometimes technology does fail. He was all blamey… saying I ignored him and that if he wanted that he would go back to his ex.
    OK… he has some issues. They come to the surface pretty quick. He said he did not want to see me anymore. We were not even in a relationship and he was blaming me for not meeting his needs. YIKES I guess that is a lesson to learn about how men may feel when if we do that to them. DRAMA! is not what I want. I picked up on his vibe after first contact and told him we were not a match and he begged me for another chance. I told him.. he just had to feel for himself. Learning

  321.  #321Heart on November 16, 2012 at 5:50 am

    Tam – LOLOLOL! Ahahahaha…

  322.  #322Tam on November 16, 2012 at 5:51 am

    310 FW, I feel so amused by this, because my psych friend has already suggested that I behave like his mommy and he has taken the role of the unruly child. I must say when he went in and out of my cupboards and in and out of various food items, and I said ‘what are you doing?’ – the way he looked at me was definitely how a man should only look at his mother. I CRINGED.
    Thanks for reminding me!! I am not his mommy nor am I mother theresa.

  323.  #323Heart on November 16, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Tam – Asperger’s ….mancode for gay.

  324.  #324Tam on November 16, 2012 at 5:51 am

    316 – wasn’t funny.
    He upped and left and our little vacation at his place was abruptly cancelled. Ermmmm…oh well.

  325.  #325Goddess Lily on November 16, 2012 at 5:54 am

    314 FW – I am taking this and running with it. That’s exactly how I feel with profCD now. Like there is nothing we can do. We just don’t vibe well together.

  326.  #326Tam on November 16, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Thing is that the reaction was totally disproportionate and he is going to hide for months now (oh pleeeeze) but at that moment when I saw his face as he stared at the text and then stared at me – he looked totally sane, like a jealous and shocked man should look – and in thst split second I was like:
    ‘yeah. you are livid. and I get it.’
    BUT hey, any man knows he hasn’t got a claim on you until he makes a claim….so he can fret all he likes. He knows it too.

  327.  #327Tam on November 16, 2012 at 5:55 am

    314 thanks FW, oh that resonates too.

  328.  #328Heart on November 16, 2012 at 5:57 am

    Tam – ur comment was funny (the one about CudG…..btw thats no laughing matter because I thought CudG was a little gay when first met him….turns out he was just British).

    As for “The Incident” with Mr.P …Gosh Tam it’s reminding me of times when I withheld love or my company to punish soneone…

  329.  #329Daria on November 16, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Tam – “what are you doing?” sounds like taking the mother/boss role… i feel compassion for him being triggered to respond like a child

  330.  #330Daria on November 16, 2012 at 5:59 am

    thanks Miss Stix 🙂 that feels awesome

  331.  #331Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:00 am

    Now I feel amused and a little pissed at the Universe..I mean, really, my phone is silent 24/7 pretty much and then a freak text from someone I don’t even meet, right at the moment MrP has my phone in his hands? It’s pure comedy.
    Maybe that was ‘meant’ to happen. he he. He then obsessively scrolled up and down my messages list and calls list before I could grab it back….and he saw that it was mainly him I talked to and he saw that I had saved him under ‘Grumpy’ – and there was a little smile (quickly squashed).
    Actually, I feel very amused now….and just don’t understand or rather feel intolerant of his over the top response…and find that funny too
    ‘we can’t be friends anymore as I don’t trust you, but if something needs fixing again I’ll help you’.
    Is it just me or is this actually totally hilarious?
    How melodramatic.

  332.  #332Daria on November 16, 2012 at 6:00 am

    im feeling good i just had a ‘pleasure session’ with Scorpio CD

    i did not think he was bisexual anymore

    we communicated thru some stuff!

    and i was very open and expersive verbally anout what would feel good to be touched like, etc

    practicing that

  333.  #333Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Daria, if someone dips his fingers into your dishes in the fridge to try and elicit a response, would you give it to them? I did fall for it. 😉

  334.  #334Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Tam -he’s just Angry with himself…

  335.  #335Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:02 am

    Anger is always a signal from your higher self, that it’s time for a reality check.

    The Universe

    Because, there are at least 10,000 workarounds, beginning with new perspectives or new friends… and probably ending somewhere near bowling or chess

  336.  #336Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Heart, yeah, he’s a withholder..totally. Whatever. Meh

  337.  #337Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Tam – wow what a coincidence though…i think you should write and call him a hypocrite…and then say: bye I’m going ojt with Harleyman now..

  338.  #338Daria on November 16, 2012 at 6:05 am

    :: Not Wrong ::

    Here’s an experiment you can do today: Pretend there’s
    no such thing as “wrong.”

    If your child says or does something you don’t like,
    s/he is not wrong for doing it, nor are you wrong for
    disliking it.

    Even if the behavior is dangerous or violent, your
    child isn’t wrong. And you aren’t wrong if you choose
    to stop the behavior. (Don’t try to make logical sense
    of this, just try it and see what happens.)

    Notice how you and your child respond to each other
    differently when you don’t make anyone wrong.

    Can you be angry at someone who isn’t wrong? And if
    anger itself isn’t wrong, can it be a force for good?

    When “wrong” is out of the picture, it’s easier to
    follow your heart’s desire. You can be real about what
    you want, and you can allow your child to be real, too.

  339.  #339Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:06 am

    329 Heart, he is VERY angry – with himself. But he projects it onto others…his family, friends, the State, the Universe…his Xmas lights (no joke). He is a piece of work and he knows it. He’ll be back in 3 months pretending this never happened. And I am SICK of it.

  340.  #340Goddess Lily on November 16, 2012 at 6:07 am

    WTF!?!? My work ex just texted me and asked how am feeling? He never does that.

  341.  #341Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Heart, haha, actually Harleyman was a pain in the arse and I even had to defriend him on fb…and turns out he was a bigger pain that I ever thought possible….hehe. Or maybe he was my blessing in disguise? Who knows.

  342.  #342Tereana on November 16, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Woke up with a lot of free-floating anxiety today. It really wants to be tethered somehow, somewhere. It used to be grounded by my CD. And now that he’s released the string, it’s just wandering the atmosphere, like a red balloon.

    I woke up early today – 5:30 a.m. Wide awake.

    I am wondering if I should be taking anti-anxiety medication. I do all that I can with holistic and home remedies. I exercise (not enough). I spend time with friends (wish it was more). I eat food when I’m hungry. I try to keep a regular sleep schedule. But it’s not enough.

    When something like this happens, I get “out of whack.” And it is a really tiny thing. I don’t even know why I should have such an anxiety-filled response. He was only trying to start a conversation. Instead, I am interpreting, I’m reacting, I’m knee-jerking, I’m running away. I am making up scenarios in my head, and they are not good. I’m unhappy.

    I’m pissed. I’m pissed at him for sending a confused message. I’m pissed at him for kissing me, and then telling me he’s “not looking for anything serious.” I am pissed at him for asking what I think, and then putting a lid on it by basically telling me that he is not looking for anything worthwhile.

    And I feel anxious because suddenly I do not truly believe that I will get what I want. What I want is to have this conversation in person. But he doesn’t have time to talk to me on the phone (that’s clue number one. He answered my call once. But now when I call or text, he says, he “doesn’t have time to talk.” And I really hate that.)

    I feel anxious because he is not my guy. I do not want to chase. But I wanted to be the one to make the decision. I guess running away would be my way of doing that.

    I said in one of my messages that it sounded like he didn’t want to date me. And in that case, thank you and good bye 🙂

    I heard from two other CDs yesterday. One of them definitely wants to wrap me up in some sort of package. But I don’t know what kind.

    Look at me. I’m a mess. Tired all the time. Stressed out. I would like to feel on more of an even keel. The Good Me – the Awesome Me – doesn’t get thrown off by little stuff like this. There’s a core of me that is solid and strong. I like when people can see this. Because sometimes (often) I do not act from this core. My actions and reactions come from a multi-layered toxic outer residue that takes over and hijacks my best of intentions/reactions. It’s embarrassing and it gets me into trouble.

    And in times like these, I wonder about medication, because I wonder what it would be like to feel stable, emotionally. Whoa, what a concept! (And then there’s PMS – more fun). And maybe that stability really too much to ask for. 🙁

  343.  #343Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Tam – I still kinda miss CudG …its lessening in intensity…but itcmes at times….I miss my CuddleyGrinch.

  344.  #344Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Daria thanks for posting that. I read it and thought “I wish everyone would read it” rather than focussing on men’s faults. If only we could redirect our focus to the good appreciate men by verbalizing how we feel.

  345.  #345Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Heart…aw….I understand.
    I miss MrP also, even though he is a complete pain sometimes. Well, must move on as this is just a repetition of old patterns, and this is never going to change until he can commit to making a change….so I need to move, move, move.
    It’s ok to miss them I suppose. Feeling the feelings and carrying on despite.

  346.  #346Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:14 am

    I feel hopeful about the future…
    I might be leaving this places in a few months…
    So there is no future with any guy I meet here anyway….
    Onward ho..

  347.  #347Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Good point about turning the focus on the good FW, but there is always a point when the chips come down and there is a confrontation and when someone hits you in the face by saying you are a liar and can’t be trusted, it feels odd to say ‘ok. thank you for fixing my TV, you did that really well’.

  348.  #348Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:16 am

    I wonder how Luct’s daughter is doing?

  349.  #349Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:16 am


  350.  #350Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:16 am

    ..that would be passive aggressive almost?

  351.  #351Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Behavioral patterns are established since childhood so yes it is odd to change them to something counterintuitive. However acknowledging good faith efforts and rally together to create a team spirit are things that men respond well to and create win/win situations in relationships. I believe in asserting oneself and speaking with confidence about my feelings but I have never created harmony or really win in a logical argument with a man whose pride or ego is hurt.

  352.  #352Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:22 am

    I do choose to say “I don’t want to be spoken like that” when appropriate, and also to walk away.

  353.  #353Linda on November 16, 2012 at 6:22 am

    175 .. FW I was totally fine with my delicious moments with him making out. With NO expectations afterward from him. I am leaning back now waiting to see who rises to the top. I do very much want a man to make a move to create or ask for a relationship with me.

    So today I am riding my horse and on my bridge. Remembering that I am the prize and a man will step up and claim me.

  354.  #354Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:25 am

    347 FW..ah yes. I did forget. I tried to justify myself, then realised what I was doing, and just sat down on the floor between my bags…head in hands..because I realised that whatever I said would have no effect as he was in a real rage. Silent kind of rage. He doesn’t let loud with me (only other men), he just boils….which is worse. Then I said ‘I feel really bad and sad this happened now’. And he was really trying to get a grip and said ‘oh don’t feel bad please, bla bla’ and then stroked my head and left.
    Oh well. It is what it is.

  355.  #355Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:26 am

    Two Guys asked me out this week…one guy even asked me to go to his bday party..I practiced telling me truth ad saying no…It felt great and he didn’t hold a grudge…
    I told RomanceCd I needed more time to talk before going out…
    I’m cding men from various countries and of various races….ssometimes culture comes into play A LOT for me…

    Sometimes it feels just wrong/illogical to apply one standard to all…
    Any thoughts Sirens?

  356.  #356Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:26 am

    I got that Linda but wanting to put demands on him/wanting to channel his behavior after one date I believe is saying something about you that only you can pinpoint. I believe it is worth looking at.

  357.  #357Linda on November 16, 2012 at 6:26 am

    339.. I agree! Just last night I told my CD that I really enjoy spending time with him and appreciate very much the fact that he is directive, plans, comes to pick me up for a date. He just beamed! I would have snuggled in with him the movie but his body language was closed. Its all good!

  358.  #358Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:27 am

    It’s true that you can win an argument with a man whose ego is hurt, very true. Must not even try.
    Even when the reason is blown out of all proportion and I had no reason to feel guilty as I had not lied or deceived or tried to hide anything.
    What’s done is done.

  359.  #359Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Point is that if he had got over this in a day or two, it would have been a real breaking down of old patterns, but he just slipped into the hurt bear in mancave phase and that lasts for weeks normally and is no way to establish authentic communication and rescue a friendship – nevermind romance.
    Old patterns – I am fed up of being able to predict what will happen, even when I open up and speak with feeling messages. He reacts beautifully and goes all soft and lovely, but still acts out…back into the old stuff.
    It’s a no-win for anyone.

  360.  #360Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:31 am

    RomanceCd is so sweet…he sends me a text every morning ..tellling meto hsve a good day….awwr.

  361.  #361Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:32 am

    “whatever I said would have no effect as he was in a real rage” This is an internal block, a limiting belief. I feel open to experimenting with validating a man’s feelings because they do matter too. I would want to know if I could keep the connection strong by doing that. What do I do in the face of anger?

  362.  #362Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:33 am

    English CD asked me to go away with him over Thanksgiving but it involves staying at his friends’ house and I don’t know them and as I hardly know him, it feels awkward to me.
    I feel slightly panicked at being alone on Thanksgiving, just because my thoughts might consume me…yikes.
    It would feel good to start something light and meaninless with another man now…but that would be me slipping into old patterns of numbing my pain. Yikes, yikes, yikes. No. I will sit with my pain.

  363.  #363Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Wow – “It’s a no-win for anyone” – beliefs are really strong.

    I intend to believe that I can find a new voice
    I intend to believe that I can inspire a man
    I intend to believe that I can change relationship patterns

  364.  #364ruth on November 16, 2012 at 6:37 am

    356 FW

    I feel very frightened by anger and just want to “fix” things
    Which probably isnt the best way
    So I would feel intrigued to hear peoples views on how to deal with anger

  365.  #365Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:37 am

    356 FW…he does not listen when in rage and just repeats the same thing again and again like a chant (part of the problems)…he gets into a tizz. I have seen it many times and really, the best thing is not to respond and let him go. And I caught myself justifying and then just stopped and spoke my feelings and let him go. It was the best thing to do, I believe. He did not leave angry, it seemed more frustrated…and I could see he did not like to see me upset, in a way he prefers me to ‘argue’ than to see me upset. He drops the front when I am sad and then freaks as he dropped the front. It’s all very interesting…actually, I hardly ever saw him so soft and lovely. And then he ran. Meh.

  366.  #366Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Feel a little sad when I think of the scenario and the old patterns *almost* changing and then the slipping back behind the comfortable wall and straight into the cave. Ah.

  367.  #367Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:41 am

    359 – Ruth, I am totally the same..but the wanting to fix seemed to make it worse hence I tried a new approach….same outcome initially.

  368.  #368Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:45 am

    though I feel curious. Actually.

  369.  #369Silver Moonbeam on November 16, 2012 at 6:45 am

    #323 Heart

    I thought CudG was a little gay when first met him….turns out he was just British).


  370.  #370ruth on November 16, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Tam, I guess its only just been 24 hours
    Might not end up being the same this time

    Either way, take care of you

  371.  #371Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:45 am

    #356 – Hmm…

    Does anyone get turned on when a guy gets a little bit angry?

  372.  #372ruth on November 16, 2012 at 6:46 am

    364 SMB

    ahmthe famous British reserve;)

  373.  #373Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Ruth I am pretty sure I have read from Rori to speak about it.

    “I can feel how angry you are”
    “Are you angry with me”

    If he doesn’t want to talk say something like okay “I am here if you want to talk”.

    I also believe I say Daria writing how to go through rounds talking about anger in another thread.

  374.  #374ruth on November 16, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Not me Heart, absolutely not

  375.  #375Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:47 am

    358 FW, I am totally aware that I am self-protecting, as I believe he won’t be back and I feel compelled to ‘fix’ this and need to hold back, else I will write another explainey email. I already sent one after the event….and although I don’t regret it (because I never spoke much when it happened), I don’t want to reach out. And when I get it into my head that I can change old patterns, I want to reach out. It is not at all a good idea. I am spamming on here today to stop myself from doing that.

  376.  #376Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:49 am

    I understand that men don’t jump from one emotion to the next as quickly as we do.

    Anger is sexy actually, I believe especially to men. It is passion.

  377.  #377ruth on November 16, 2012 at 6:49 am


    yes, i can see how that might be helpful

    Yikes, this is the technique I use with angry patients and relatives at work!

    I am still shaking inside though
    Anger frightens me to my very core(and that includes my own anger, which is quite rarte-or maybe I am stuffing it)

  378.  #378Heart on November 16, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Smb – lol just kidding *contrite face (*’▽’*)

  379.  #379Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:51 am

    365 Ruth, it happened Wed night…yes, taking care of me. Trying not to reach out and fixing. Deep down I don’t want to because that would also be the old pattern. If he wants me he has to fix this and pronto…because in 3 months time I will have moved on finally. The window of opportunity is very small, and if he can come to the party, he will. If he hasn’t reached out and tried to fix this by the weekend, I am likely to disengage completely this time. Too much pain.
    I am not the cause of this anger and don’t intend to absorb it every third date we have (spookily this seems to be the case). No no.

  380.  #380Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Miss Stix and Daria,

    255 – I feel the same way about Daria, Miss Stix. I also asked for input from Radiant Rising, thru email, and her words were very wise, too:

    “For starters, quit seeing her as “manipulative” and just see it as that is how she’s feeling right now whether you like it or not, or believe her or not. Imagine being her age. It’s not that unlikely that people do feel like they are dying by any little discrepancy that happens within. She just feels free to be open about it.

    You don’t have to do anything, just ask her how she is feeling! Just say, “Mom I got your message, how are you feeling? Are you better? I’m thinking about you.” Like she said, after her nap she felt better. Which means that She truly was feeling like she was dying before and decided to express it to whatever that would listen. Which, in this case, was your voicemail. If she were manipulating she would not have said she would miss you and she cherishes the time she had with you. That comes from sincerity.

    And even if she was “manipulating,” geez is that such a crime? She’s an elderly woman who is just wanting to reach out in some way to her family and exchange love. Who cares if she isn’t being totally angelic about it? There are far worse things people do, hers is hardly unfathomable. Give her the benefit of the doubt simply because she is your mom and she truly does love you.

    Because one of these days, she truly won’t be here, and you’re going to wish against everything to get a call from her again and hear her voice. Might as well sieze the time you have by softening your heart, perspective and perception towards her rather than thinking the worst of and judging her intentions so harshly. It’s not about getting any kind of result. It’s not about you helping her. Just be there for her in your heart! You really don’t have to do anything. Just simply be her daughter and let her be how she needs to be however that is, and love her and accept her for that. That’s all you have to do. Even if you don’t have the energy to go see her (which is understandable), just don’t judge her, and love her be merciful towards her. The same way our mothers have unlimited mercy towards us.”

  381.  #381ruth on November 16, 2012 at 6:51 am

    371 FW

    A useful thing for me to remember
    I always learn so much on here
    Although I feel sad that so many of you lovely ladies are going through it

  382.  #382Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Tam do you have a confused or freeze response to stress?

    If he is angry I believe in respecting him enough to work through his anger, after he has left. Reaching out would be saying something about me, unless I genuinely believe there is something I need to apologize about.

  383.  #383Silver Moonbeam on November 16, 2012 at 6:52 am

    No worries, I was just a bit shocked. 😀

  384.  #384Annie on November 16, 2012 at 6:54 am


    360: Tam says.

    356 FW…”he does not listen when in rage and just repeats the same thing again and again like a chant (part of the problems)…he gets into a tizz. ”

    I so get this Tam.
    Usually if someone has got to the point of rage the amigdyla has taken over they are in fight, flight or freeze mode.
    And no resolution is able to occur until the rage has passed.
    So the compassionate and loving action to do for ourselves and others is to move away from that energy until everyone is in a calm state again.

    It’s his anger and as an adult it’s up to him to get help how to learn a new way how to manage it.
    If he were our child it would be up to us to help or get him the help to facilitate in this.

  385.  #385Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Heart yeah, I find it very sexy. And I find it even more sexy because when he used to get angry with someone else, I had the ability to take his focus off it and make him smile..doesn’t work with me though..but I did kind of turned on by that display of rage at the text from another man. I found it quite sexy and I found the display of jealousy quite sexy too actually. But then it got too much. Not so sexy.

  386.  #386Tam on November 16, 2012 at 6:55 am

    379..oh Annie, I love that and so true.

  387.  #387Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 6:57 am


    371 – I like what you said about anger being sexy, LOL! I have RARELY seen R angry, but this last summer he got angry and actually started swearing, something I almost NEVER hear. And I said, “Ooooh, you’re sexy when you’re angry!”

  388.  #388Tam on November 16, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Men naturally want to compete with other men.
    I wonder how that works with a man who has low self-esteem and does not feel ‘good enough’…

    I know women are different, but my instinct, when I feel that I am in ‘competition’ with another woman or women is to run…out of fear that if I hang in there, I won’t get I usually run from the man. Especially if he has a lot of female hangers on…I have ditched a couple of CD because of this, just because of this (well, mainly).

  389.  #389Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:06 am


    282 – Hi, thanks for your feedback! When I put stuff out here, it is open season, so I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

    I did what Daria suggested and just sent him a smiley. Maybe I’ll give it one more week, and if he doesn’t make a move, I’ll just say hey, I wish you the best, but I’m looking…oh, he’s videoing me now!

    I told him I’m not camera ready, not at all, LOL, and that it would be better to set up a time with me for a video chat.

    About my Mom, in addition to what Daria and Radiant Rising said to me, I really appreciate what you said. Yes, I think i will have that conversation with her lovingly this weekend when I see her.

  390.  #390Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Diesel just emailed: I will take you as you are. I am not vain like that. You know I think you are beautiful.


    I said: Thank you, but I don’t feel comfortable doing a video chat when I just rolled out of bed. You might see the goobers in my eyes, LOL.

    He said: I can love that too.

  391.  #391Calypso on November 16, 2012 at 7:09 am

    I got an email from the Drill SGT last night and we were conversing back and forth and suddenly he called me, which is not unusual – I took my glass of wine and headed to the back porch so i could get a signal and talk with him . . .

    He sounded strange and was referring to himself in the 3rd person and calling me “Ma’am” a lot.

    I just thought he was messing with me and I played along. he asked how work was going and about my other two sons – all in his very manly Marine Voice, but soundign very official . . .

    I asked him if he had been thinking about me and if he missed me . . . At one point I think I even told him it was sort of “Hot” that he was calling me “Ma’am” . . .

    Can you guess where this is going???

    It was my son!!! OMG! At least I didn’t thank him for the naked pictures of himself – Lord Above!!!

  392.  #392Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Amazing Me,

    289 – Right on! I see this blog as my safe place, too.

  393.  #393Heart on November 16, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Romancecd just sent me 4 emails …
    Awwr….feeling cherished.

  394.  #394Tam on November 16, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Calypso…i am in hysterics reading this…but kind of cringey, no??

  395.  #395ruth on November 16, 2012 at 7:11 am



    a lucky escape

    Radlove, that Diesel sounds okay so far

  396.  #396Turquoise on November 16, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Hi Sirens! Hope everyone is well. I have an easy day at work today, so going to go back and catch up on the blog. 🙂

    Still no word from Mr. Conversation, and while I miss him… I feel surprisingly ok about all of this. I never felt this was the right time for us, so I don’t know if it was that I didn’t have expectations, or if I was able to keep my heart in check because I actually listened to what he said… but I feel pretty terrific. It helps that I’ve been busy, working hard and spending a lot of time with my girls. I also read a book that I wanted to a long time ago, have seen my sisters a few times, and have awesome plans with friends tonight to have a happy hour and then see Breaking Dawn part 2. Some of us have been seeing them together since the second movie, so this is really fun. 🙂

    I’ve been emailing with a guy on OK Cupid who sounds pretty great, but he is one of those endless email guys, so getting a little bored. Artist guy texts me a couple times a week. Sounds sweet, is nice looking… but hasn’t asked to meet, so feeling a little eh about that too….. but I honestly don’t even care. For the first time in forever, I really don’t care what anyone else is doing or thinking or planning. I’m just being me and doing what I want. It feels awesome!

    I joined some meetups, and am looking forward to a glass blowing class and ….. huh, I signed up for something else….. can’t remember! Will have to go back and look. 🙂

    Ok, off to catch up, I’ll post more later!

  397.  #397Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:11 am

    “I’m happy to hear your feelings, even your anger, but I don’t want to feel attacked…” and if he doesn’t change his words and copy what you’re doing (expressing his feelings instead of blaming YOU)…then you must TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY…!

    When this happens, and emotions start to surface, I know it’s tough – but, actually – it’s fabulous!!! You are starting to communicate in a way that is triggering YOURSELF and your stuffed up and old feelings.

    Defending yourself with anger or cleverness will not help you here – it will just make him work harder to top you.

  398.  #398Goddess Lily on November 16, 2012 at 7:12 am


    Omg hilarious and ick all at the same time. Good thing you figured it out.

  399.  #399Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:13 am

    I feel happy to “see” you posting Turquoise. Just thought about you this morning.

  400.  #400ruth on November 16, 2012 at 7:14 am

    TY FW

    Most helpful

  401.  #401Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:16 am

    D: RU body shy.

    me: If I feel accepted, I am not. But no one but my dogs see me like this.

    D: You don’t feel accepted by me. what do I need to do to make you feel accepted. Plus I have already seen your physical stature and I love it

    me: Thank you. Here’s the thing. We have never even met. I don’t feel at that comfort level with you yet. It would feel really good to meet you.

    D: After my 6 pack days are long gone. So I need to come down

    me: LOL. Yeah, I just feel really weary of text, talk, and all forms of electronic communication.

    D: I really wish I could have made it today but I am working around the house. What are you doing Monday

    me: Thanks, Monday and Tuesday I am going to be out of town.

    Jeffrey: See there. I guess it will happen in time

    me: It’s been three months so far…

  402.  #402Tam on November 16, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Actually, I am feeling a bit proud of myself. Because after initially justifying and arguing, I remembered my tools and spoke authentically and then just sat down and did nothing…..and usually (th old pattern), I’d have said ‘stay’ or I’d have said ‘take me’ or I’d have said ‘let’s have a hug’ or something else to put a bandaid over it all – which wouldn’t have helped anyway. I broke the pattern. Yay!!!
    So what if he didn’t come to the party?
    That is not up to me. How I reacted was up to me…and compared to my old self, I did pretty well!!

  403.  #403ruth on November 16, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Nice feeling mesages Radlove

    will be interesting to see what happens

  404.  #404Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Some Rori FMs

    “You know, I’d really like to be able to tell you that I want to see you, but when I think about saying something like that, it makes me feel like I’m being pushy and I don’t like how that makes me feel. I would really enjoy hearing you say that you want to see me.”

  405.  #405Kyla on November 16, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I’m feeling tingly sparkly joy joy feelings in my tummy and chest 🙂

  406.  #406Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:29 am

    D: U R still single

    me: Yes, single and dating.
    D: U been on dates

    me: Yes

    D: How did it go

    me: I don’t feel comfortable talking about other men with a man.

    D: Okay.
    Why is everything so technical.

    me: Huh? What do you mean?

    D: You don’t like talking about men with men.

    me: I feel weird. It’s a loaded question that yields loaded answers. I would rather be discovered organically, not be giving you all the answers as to how I interact with men.

    Would you like being asked questions about women in your life?

    D: It would not matter. I have always been a straight shooter and I like direct people. But I understand people are different.

    me: I am far more direct than the average person. Again, I don’t feel comfortable acting as if I am in a full blown relationship with someone I haven’t met. I know the video adds a lot. But still, I feel uncomfortable layin my whole life on the table when I haven’t even met someone. I am not looking for an endless online relationship.

    D: Well put. You know I really wish we were closer.

  407.  #407Heart on November 16, 2012 at 7:29 am

    aah…Romance cd …said : I hope we can have fun and romance soon….
    then next email: you’re always in my heart & mind as a friend

    i have responding to nothing so far But..Oh god…not this again!!!

  408.  #408Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:34 am

    After that, I established that we live a mere 1 hr 10 min apart. I feel somewhat disgusted at these men for making distance such an issue. I feel judgmental that they are lightweights, and I feel like throwing in their face all the many miles I have traveled to see men in prison. I went about 3 hours each way almost every saturday for 7 years to see K. And there are many more years and many more trips I took, even to other states.

    But I don’t want to lay that out there, or men will think I am a doormat and will do all the effort to get to them. And I am changing that, now that I know better.

    When I was IMing with Deisel just now, I felt tongue tied as to how to express about dating many men at the same time. I have such a hard time remembering Rori’s tools when I am in the moment. I will need to review that part about circular dating and how to express it.

  409.  #409Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Love it Kyla

  410.  #410Tam on November 16, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I just want to get on with my life and stop wondering ‘what if’…no point to wonder because there is nothing. Gr. Ok. I can do this.

  411.  #411Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:36 am

    RAdLove reading that conversation I get a gut feeling that I would drop the conversation with this guy. It seems like making excuses not to meet.

  412.  #412Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:37 am

    I like to keep my options open

  413.  #413Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:37 am

    I feel good keeping my options open until I get a commitment.

    I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket.

  414.  #414Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:38 am


    399 – That one is perfect. Wish I had seen that while I was still IMing with him.

  415.  #415Calypso on November 16, 2012 at 7:39 am

    All – yes it was wonderful and icky all at the same time, but mostly just freaking hilarious! I can’t stop laughing at myself . . . I can’t wait to have him home and tell him everything (OK – not everything – he needn’t know about the naked pics I have of his DI) . . . LOLOLOL. SGT called me back after that and we talked a long time – about our lives and about the recruits in the platoon he has now. I really do like him as a person. I normally hate talking on the phone, even to a BF, but there is just something about this man that I am drawn to. I think we may actually be friends for a long time even after my son graduates and leave there.

    Meanwhile – today is JC’s b-day and he just asked me again if we can get together after his family dinner celebration and this time I said we could – that I would find something to do in town until he is ready to meet up. It is his B-day and I don’t have plans – it won’t kill me to accomodate his request to wait for him this evening.

  416.  #416Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:42 am

    RadLove it also seems to me that he asked you about dating not other men. I would practice writing scripts about my own experience and how I feel on dates. Maybe thinking about the things that make you feel playful and happy or enjoying fun so he can get an idea of what you like. Was it you who had gone to a music festival? Or how you feel driving around with the windows down and the wind blowing through your hair? How about talking about when dating yourself? Just some thoughts…………..

  417.  #417Heart on November 16, 2012 at 7:42 am

    fms can sound so ditsy + looney sometimes…
    I feel bad for saying that but I also feel good…I would like to bing up the Reality…that saying i feel Bubbly-goo-goo-baba-tingly Will turn Many men off….
    And it feels “goofy-ish”

    On another note: My Fms wants/don’t wants messages Did not “Work” with RomanceCd… did not get him to understand my point of view…So I’m going to try my Help-him-to-feel-the-way-you-feel tool…
    and see what happens…

  418.  #418Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Thanks, Ruth. I still feel very awkward with feeling messages and knowing what to say in the moment. I think I put up too many walls with him, but then a lot of that was coming from him just going on and on without meeting me.

    I wonder if he is one of those men whose house and everything in it is far more important to him than a woman in his life? I wonder if he is one of those men who just wants to sit at home and getting in the car for a new adventure is distasteful to him?

    I want to learn how to use feeling messages to remain soft on the outside no matter how closed I am feeling on the inside. I felt pressured to do the video chat, and I just think it is inconsiderate. What woman wants to get on video when she hasn’t even combed her hair?? And the reason I haven’t combed my hair is I need to take a shower first.

    All he had to say is ok, can I reconnect with you at such and such a time? It’s almost like he’s trying to catch me with my pants down.

    See my clumsiness coming thru with boundaries? Boundaries and holding them are a new skill for me. So this is my work. To set and hold boundaries while remaining soft on the outside and tuff on the inside.

  419.  #419ruth on November 16, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Morning bed hair

    some men like that kind of thing, so I am told
    I was wondering radlove, if he is afraid to meet you as he is worried about how he looks(the 6 pack comment)

  420.  #420Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Heart I find that men are intrigued by that kind of talk when I share it authentically. There is one guy in my office who literally giggles and grabs me in a huge embrace when I talk like that.

  421.  #421Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:47 am


    411 – Yes! Perfect! Thank you so much! Yes, that would have left me soft on the outside, and not just pushing away his question. But right away, everything in me tensed up about anticipating what may have been his next questions: how many men are you dating? Are you serious with any of them? I don’t want to date you if you are dating other men, etc, etc.

    I have not really gone here with any man yet, and I feel loads of tension around it. So yeah, in the future, I can diffuse the tension by going right into feeling messages about dates. I especially like what you said about talking about dates with myself, LOL!

  422.  #422Janie Baby on November 16, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Thanks Miss Stix. I feel inspired. I used to be like that, so independent, I don’t know what changed, but reading that made me want to go back to that.

  423.  #423Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:50 am


    414 – Here’s the thing: Rori talks consistently about looking our best and being sexy around men. I am already overweight and feeling sloppy in my appearance. I don’t want to be pressured to show myself at my worst.

    Like if this were a first date, I would shower, dress nicely, put on makeup, do my hair, etc. Would you pressure a woman on the first date to come out looking like a slob??

    It might feel totally different if we had an established relationship where we were sleeping together.

  424.  #424ruth on November 16, 2012 at 7:52 am

    yes thats true enough Radlove

    I guess morning bed hair is ok if you have spent the night together

  425.  #425Heart on November 16, 2012 at 7:53 am

    I feel grouchy and complainy…
    I feel like you need to be the phucking Dalai Lama of romance or something in order to be a siren…
    Feels more like becoming some love zen master..

  426.  #426Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I feel self conscious about the way I look too but totally confident and loving of who I am becoming on the inside.

  427.  #427ruth on November 16, 2012 at 7:54 am

    ooh that made me laugh out loud

  428.  #428Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Calypso I would not be surprised if your son has already seen him naked in the shower. Men don’t have the hang ups we have about our bodies and seem to me to always be walking around naked when they don’t have to dress.

  429.  #429Heart on November 16, 2012 at 7:57 am

    #415 – FW – can u open your mind….just a little to the idea that some men find it cheesy and unsexy regardless of the authenticity?
    I believe some men will be very turned on and some will get t..cringey..and turned off.

  430.  #430Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 7:59 am


    420 – LOL! I needed a good laugh! yes, I often feel the same way!

  431.  #431ruth on November 16, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Wandering around naked it very liberating

    Actually, most runners I know-male or female have no worries about changing clothes in public
    I guess loads of them are already running about in pretty revealing stuff

    (BTW, I am fully dressed and smart here,But with messy hair,Cant do a thing with it)

  432.  #432Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 8:02 am

    He wants to continue in this “get to know you” vein. No! At this stage, it should be hey let’s connect to figure out when we can get together.

    I see it as straight laziness, and if that is a judgment, so be it. Do I feel accepted by him? Hell no! If I was accepted, he would be seeing me!

    Instead, he is standing at a safe distance evaluating me. And doing it from the ease and comfort of his holy home!

    Yep, yep, yep, yep, feeling a lil perturbed.

  433.  #433Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 8:04 am

    I can open my mind to it. Just saying it is not my experience. Or it might be I am focussing only on the ones who do respond positively to it.

  434.  #434Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Then from a new email from a new CD, I read this:

    “Hello pretty… So sorry to infringe on your privacy”

    Huh?? How is responding to someone’s personal ad infringing on her privacy?? Right away when I read something like that, I think scammer.

    The scammers from other countries all seem to have the same flavor about their emails – I had one other read similarly, and sure enough, he was from Nigeria. Why on earth are you contacting me from Nigeria if you want a relationship?

    I feel like writing back and saying, “Let me guess, you are from Nigeria.” but instead I will be a tame little Siren and say, “I feel curious, where do you live?”

  435.  #435BAB/Rebekah on November 16, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Today I feel anxious, not sure if N did invite me to go with him to his work kareoke night at the bar.. He took me with to scope it out the other night to see of that’s where he wanted topics for the night out..
    Then when I told him I was going out w my gf yesterday night he said, oh weeklies gonna say iffy wanted to skip that you could go to the kareoke on fri I stead.
    I said, oh yeah? I guess I didn’t want to just invite myself, but yeah that would feel fun to go, but I’m leaving it up to you! If u decide its just a co-worker thing that stone too, but it would feel fun!
    Him ok yeah I’ll let ya know what we decide.
    And that was the last I heard abut me going..
    Kinda feeling nervous that he will ask me to go because that means feeling a whole bunch of feelings while around the (other woman) he is always talking and texting. And on the other hand I’m feeling scared he won’t ask me.. Lol ugh my tummys in nots, with the suspense.

    I will be ok, this is no big thing. I feel confident in me. I love my fears

  436.  #436Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 8:09 am


    426 – I love being nude! Or starclad, as an old friend would say. But I feel far better about it when I am slender.

  437.  #437ruth on November 16, 2012 at 8:09 am

    In Britain an E mail form Nigeria is usually asking to deposit a huge amount of money in to my bankaccount

  438.  #438ruth on November 16, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I like starclad

  439.  #439Annie on November 16, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Fear of Anger – Yours and Others

    An article by Dr. Margaret Paul…

    Are you terrified of others’ anger? Are you afraid to open to your own anger for fear of getting out of control?

    If you grew up in an angry or violent home, there is a good possibility that you have a fear of both your own anger and others’ anger.

    Fear of Others’ Anger

    I grew up with a very angry mother and I was terrified of her anger. Her anger was irrational and it came out of nowhere. My whole body used to shake when she got angry.
    For more of the article – go here: for more articles and help.

    Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Discover real love and intimacy! Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer: and visit our website at for more articles and help.
    Posted in Relationships, Self Improvement & Personal Growth Tags: anger, blaming anger, controlling behavior, fear of anger, feelings as information, Inner Bonding, inner child, intent to control, intent to learn, Margaret Paul, relationship help, Relationships

  440.  #440R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:13 am

    @434 yes this has happened to us all and my aunt just had it from a man that said he was working in Asia but lived in her area they had been emailing then texting and spoke several times then he emails her promising the world and that he is getting out of traveling and just got his inheritance and would like her help. These people are unreal……Like serious, so for kicks she goes to this lawyers website to see what he was aking her and after following his directions it came that she would have to pay 3grand of her money to help him. But oh he will pay her back…THAT IS SO SAD TO ME THAT PEOPLE ARE SO RUTHLESS!

  441.  #441Radlove on November 16, 2012 at 8:16 am

    I just emailed Diesel this:

    I was thinking about it, and no, I don’t feel accepted. It makes me feel like I’m being pushy when I say it would feel good to meet you, and I don’t like how that makes me feel. I would really enjoy hearing you say that you want to see me. I wonder if I am hearing excuses about not meeting, and that leaves me feeling unaccepted. Because people make time for whatever their priorities are. So if I am low priority, then I don’t feel accepted.

  442.  #442Heart on November 16, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Ruth & Radlove – ^_^

  443.  #443R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:18 am

    This really is the best way to let out your feelings before you try to connect or reach out to someone that has left you in the wind. Maybe just walked away and you agreed and turned around without looking back because its best for you. You question yourself and come here to organize your thoughts and feelings and perhaps get your siren advice that is always a great help

  444.  #444Silver Moonbeam on November 16, 2012 at 8:19 am

    #386 Calypso

    Eeekkkk!!! Glad you had drank only one glass of wine. 😀

  445.  #445Calypso on November 16, 2012 at 8:27 am

    GM and I had a spat via text last night, which was brought on by my emotional meltdown of missing my son and missing GM and wanting so much to be loved by him …

    This morning I sent him a text: “Sorry about the drama. I’m a girly puddle of emotional wreckage right now, which is in no way your fault. Thanks for putting up with me :-)”

    I actually feel ok about the things I said to him last night. Sometimes it’s just too hard to pretend that i don’t love him and want to be with him. He wants to be friends and that’s fine – I agreed to do that, but sometimes he is going to have to deal with me being the girl who LOVES him.

  446.  #446R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:27 am

    @437 Yes I feel like that too!! I mean u text and he texts or vice versus and your talk about nothing. Hey how are you ok, Can I have more pics and they ignore your request then you dont speak for a couple days. I rule them out. I am done at this point if your interested you will step up and be the man you know you are and show me. Until then I am taking life day by day trying to use these tools and fm’s. I am really doing better but I am really a straight up girl at this point. No BSSSSS just be real and if it is not good for you or me we walk no harm no foul. We shouldn’t have to be masters in psychology or fix anyone, analyze every move this is not our job. RadLove I believe you or I forget sorry maybe another Siren said above our job is to be ourselves, hold our boundries, love who we are and stay true to the type of man we want in our life. Practice being open and having a clear view of what we expect or want and need. That is our right as it is his and if we dont mesh it is ok it doesnt mean one sucks and the other is better or right. Just preference what you are willing to have in your life. IF YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT! SO IF YOUR HAPPY DO WHAT YOU DO BUT IF NOT SELF SEARCH AND RE-EVALUATE WHERE YOUR AT AND YOUR PRIORITIES, GIVING YOURSELF THE TIME TO HEAL AND FIND THE LOVE FOR YOURSELF TAKES A LOT OF WORK i KNOW!

  447.  #447R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:31 am


  448.  #448R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:33 am

    But if someone loves you and you are totally unaware of this feeling that person cannot be upset or mad if you do not reciprocate or step up to them. Be honest and real with your feelings life is too short, say what you need to say to the ones you love. If you don’t noone is to blame but yourself right

  449.  #449ruth on November 16, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Yes, I do agree RN amazing me
    It would be muvh healthier do do no contact, grieve and move on
    But it would seem quite a few of us on her cant quite let go and walk away
    I include myself here

  450.  #450April Rose on November 16, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Just been scanning thru this thread reading postings, and I feel amazed at the amount of statements that are being made about men, and I would love to see them translated into feeling messages

    They feel like throwaway remarks to me. I’m imagining a man’s soul being tossed into the air and branded. Fixed forever by a woman’s masculine mind. Ick!
    Here are just a few:

    “he is a complete pain sometimes”(very subjective. From his point of view he is likely not doing this on purpose. What vulnerability are you masking with this statement?)

    “he is standing at a safe distance evaluating me” (your feeling leading to this statement is…?)

    “Men don’t have the hang ups we have about our bodies” (I don’t want to generalise about men’s feelings)

    What do you think, girls?

  451.  #451April Rose on November 16, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Where is Laughing Goddess?

  452.  #452April Rose on November 16, 2012 at 8:37 am

    And Aurora Girl?

  453.  #453R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Not to mention sirens we are worth a lot more than waiting to see if a man wants us. No we don’t have that right either we can all take all the time we want but like I said don’t expect when you figured it out they will be there and willing. You may risk losing someone forever. Just scenerio…

  454.  #454R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Tam and sirens must read!! Tam this explains what you were saying!!!!

    ~Dance Like No One’s Watching~

    We convince ourselves that life
    will be better after we get married,
    have a baby, then another.
    Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough
    and we’ll be more content when they are.

    After that we’re frustrated that we
    have teenagers to deal with,
    we will certainly be happy
    when they are out of that stage.

    We tell ourselves that our life will be complete
    when our spouse gets his or her act together,
    when we get a nicer car,
    are able to go on a nice vacation,
    when we retire.
    The truth is there’s no better time
    to be happy than right now.
    If not now, when?

    Your life will always be filled with challenges.
    It’s best to admit this to yourself
    and decide to be happy anyway.
    One of my favorite quotes comes
    from Alfred D Souza.

    He said, “For a long time it had seemed
    to me that life was about to begin -real life.
    But there was always some obstacle in the way,
    something to be gotten through first,
    some unfinished business,
    time still to be served,
    a debt to be paid. Then life would begin.
    At last it dawned on me that these
    obstacles were my life.”

    This perspective has helped me to see
    that there is no way to happiness.
    Happiness is the way,
    so, treasure every moment that you have.
    And treasure it more because you shared it
    with someone special,
    special enough to spend your time…
    and remember that time waits for no one.

    So stop waiting until you finish school,
    until you go back to school,
    until you lose ten pounds,
    until you gain ten pounds,
    until you have kids,
    until your kids leave the house,
    until you start work,
    until you retire,
    until you get married,
    until you get divorced,
    until Friday night,
    until Sunday morning,
    until you get a new car or home,
    until your car or home is paid off,
    until spring, until summer,
    until fall, until winter,
    until you are off welfare,
    until the first or fifteenth,
    until your song comes on,
    until you’ve had a drink,
    until you’ve sobered up,
    until you die, until you are born again
    to decide that there is no better time
    than right now to be happy…
    Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

    So, Work like you don’t need money.
    Love like you’ve never been hurt and
    Dance Like no one’s watching.

    ~Author Unknown~

  455.  #455Linda on November 16, 2012 at 8:40 am

    315. FW I do not think I am trying to channel him at all. I have not even said anything to him. I simply am examining my feelings of feeling closed and why. I can not get into his head and am not even going there.

    I have no control over anything but me. Can we not make decision based on what is happening, tell our truth in feeling messages and walk away?

    What do you think?

  456.  #456R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Amen Linda I like it!!

  457.  #457Rori Raye on November 16, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Annie – I’m so sorry, and I can’t let whole articles written by others on the web through as comments without their permission – so I edited your comment with Margaret Paul’s great words and just put in this only link to her. If you have the exact link to the article, please post that so we can follow it! Love, Rori

  458.  #458Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 8:44 am

    April Rose thank you. I don’t consider my statement “Men don’t have the hang ups we have about our bodies” a generalisation about their feelings. My thinking is that from my experience they seem to just accept their bodies as “what is”. As a matter of fact I was more generalizing about how we women feel about our bodies.

  459.  #459ruth on November 16, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Now that is food for thought April Rose
    I feel uncomfortable reading it, which for me is a sure sign that I need t face up to something in my own thought processes

  460.  #460Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Linda I don’t think we have to speak all our feelings all the time. I believe timing is important. I appreciate that you are processing your stuff so please feel free to ignore my comments.

  461.  #461Calypso on November 16, 2012 at 8:48 am

    GM just replied with “That’s what friends are for” and I sent him a smiley face. All is well and it is out of my system again for a while. I don’t even feel that nagging desire to see him or talk to him or be in contact with him. I like that better. I’m glad I told him how I feel last night. It helped me.

  462.  #462ruth on November 16, 2012 at 8:49 am

    ah, I have seen that Dance like noones watching thing before
    So true! Thankyou

    I am pretty sure i didnt grow up in an angry home, so I wonder why it bothers me so much

  463.  #463Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 8:55 am

    I felt furrowed browed and confusion reading this. Seems so odd not to know if he has made up his mind until you are at your wedding

    Rori Raye says:
    sandra – you don’t have to “do” anything! It takes men the time it takes them to decide if you’re ‘the one’ or if they’re even ready or WANT a serious, long-term or lifelong relationship. When they’re not sure, they pull away. Your job is to NEVER get exclusive until a man has truly made up his mind, and sometimes you don’t know that until you’re at your own wedding….Read everything you can here. Love, Rori

  464.  #464Annie on November 16, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Thanks Rori, apologies.
    Didn’t remember that about whole articles.
    Will do my best to remember.

  465.  #465Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 9:01 am

    …”I need to feel loved and appreciated, and a phone call every day would help me feel that way. Hearing in words that I’m loved and appreciated and that there’s some romance here would feel great.”

  466.  #466ruth on November 16, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Are you reading my diary;)

    (Files away another useful FM)

  467.  #467Annie on November 16, 2012 at 9:05 am

  468.  #468Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Wonder what happened to Jilly?

  469.  #469Femininewoman on November 16, 2012 at 9:07 am

    So – just by knowing that the thought “There’s something wrong with me…” or “My anger hurts people…” is RUNNING you helps you STOP that thought and replace it with “I’m just fine the way I am. I’m totally unique, and the world cannot do without me exactly as I am. I’m perfect. I’m me. I’m supposed to be me, the way I am…” and then (Riffing will help you with this) you can work through what happens when you actually start saying NICE things to yourself!

  470.  #470Belle on November 16, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Radlove, reading your (non) adventures with Diesel inspired me to share this article I read recently.
    It has been going around and around in my head, I can see so clearly how often I’ve clung to situations FOREVER that are going NOWHERE very quickly.

    The topic is “How to Invite Cuddling Without Inviting Sex” but this is what caught my attention:

    “Invest in the types of connections that interest you, and dismiss the mismatches quickly. If you get lots of connection offers in the sexual dimension, and if that doesn’t interest you at this time, then decline those offers without shame, guilt, or regret. You’re free to pursue your own desires, and if others don’t align with them well enough, quickly drop them and move on. Set them free to pursue what they desire, while you enjoy what you desire. Otherwise you’re being disloyal to your own values.”

  471.  #471R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 9:09 am

    it triggers me waiting to hear how a man feels about us up until the wedding that is crap to me! That makes nosense no offense but Rori in the meantime you may meet someone else and he loses you forever his gamble i guess. I think if you really loved someone you would not gamble such high stakes. She meets someone else falls in love even if he is not right for her you have no say. Just doesn’t make sense to me if you love someone you say it and embrace the feeling discuss if or just sit on the idea a bit process it. You will both feel the connection if it is right.

  472.  #472R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Then again maybe I am not at liberty to judge single woman here never married only engaged for 7 yrs….so who knows just venting

  473.  #473R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 9:15 am

    I totally agree your not wrong for putting value on yourself and what your feeling and sticking to boundries but you cannot make another wrong or not a good person or speak badly about someone because they dont believe as you do this is unfair and a controlling way of thinking.I learned that Rori

  474.  #474R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 9:18 am

    we all have a right to feel what we feel without being made wrong for it. You may not like what I do or how I do things that is ok and I the same but then you move on you dont make someone feel badly like they are not doing right in thier life because you dont agree with how they are living it in general. Then yes just remove yourself and someone will appreciate the flaw one could not tolerate.

  475.  #475R.N.AmazingMe on November 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Sorry Sirens I have stayed quiet for so long figuring out my own needs and who I am that it just is all so clear I want to share 🙂 Sorry for spamming…

  476.  #476Happy on November 16, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Thanks heart.

    I like the name happysmile!

    Its given me the strength I need to move on. I felt a little bit shocked he’s in a relationship and living with someone. That’s ok I’m galloping on, no more images of strummingman dragging on the floor holding onto my saddle, yee ha!

  477.  #477Happy on November 16, 2012 at 9:24 am

    So ex of 2 years texed today. He wished me a belated birthday from a month a go.

    Ive not responded yet.

    I feel happy to hear from him though.

  478.  #478April Rose on November 16, 2012 at 9:25 am

    I feel triggered by some generalisations, FW.

    Going deeper, i see something more in the content that’s triggering me. About body image. I wonder what it is that is niggling me? Hmmm. I guess it’s because it was assumed that I have a hangup about my body. I feel really lucky to inhabit the body I’ve been given.

    And yet, when Rori said in teleclass that men feel horrible about themselves and just want a woman who sees the good in them, I felt relief. That kind of generalisation feels good. It makes me feel positive and optimistic and happy and like I can elevate a man to his natural masculine self.

  479.  #479Kyla on November 16, 2012 at 9:29 am

    I’ve started a new project. I’m getting back into all the things I love and I’m bringing them all together. Ooooh I feel somehow larger, expanding outward in all directions. Things are connecting and weaving and my mind is branching off in a million directions at once and I feel overflowing, or maybe saturated, with energy and inspiration and creativity. Tingles and sparkles and joy joy beans!

  480.  #480April Rose on November 16, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Hi Kyla,

    I feel sparkly reading your post 🙂

  481.  #481Kyla on November 16, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Me and my R, we are amazing individually but together, as a team and a family and a union, we are explosive. I feel ignited.

  482.  #482Kyla on November 16, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Yay April Rose! Doesn’t it feel wonderful? I love feeling sparkly!

  483.  #483Laughing Goddess on November 16, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Hi April Rose, I’m here. <3

    I felt the need to step away for a bit and get some perspective. I was feeling really triggered by a few things.

    I want to say thank you for sharing that info about communication styles. That information has been very helpful for me. Thank you thank you.

    I feel you in regard to your post above about judgements about men. It's so easy to do and a really common and normal practice in our society, yet it's something that I really, really want to stay away from doing. In my experience, it really blocks any kind of forward movement in a relationship.

    Something I've been focusing on right now is how to filter, which is feeling really helpful.

    How are you feeling today?


  484.  #484Happy on November 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

    It was 4 years ago today we met, I want to say something like…

    It felt nice to remember this weekend 4 years ago.

    How does this sound as a fm?

  485.  #485ruth on November 16, 2012 at 9:42 am


    DOES it actually feel nice?

  486.  #486Happy on November 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Ruth, nice is an understatement!
    I want to use the word amazing but that feels too eager lol!

  487.  #487Laughing Goddess on November 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Btw, I’m pregnant!!!

    I know many of you already know that yet I feel the desire to shout it and own it and jump up and down and celebrate.

    I’ve been quiet about it for so long and maybe hesitant to feel too excited because I didn’t want to feel let down if something went wrong, but it’s happening and I’m ready to own it.

    My belly and boobies are growing. I can feel it kicking. I even have a little bit of milk leaking.

    I can just hardly believe this. I never knew if it would happen for me.

    And it has and its exciting and scary and beautiful and nerve-wracking.

    We just bought our first baby items this last weekend and that felt like a milestone.

    Ahhhh, sinking into the reality of this.

  488.  #488ruth on November 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

    So you dont feel sad or regretful about what might have been by recalling that weekend?

    (i know I would)
    If not then its a nice FM, as long as you have no expectations form it

  489.  #489Tereana on November 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Such a complex, feeling reaction…on the one hand, I feel challenged – like I really should or do want a “serious” relationship. But my jury is out on that one. Of COURSE I want one – eventually. But do I want one RIGHT NOW? Different story.

    Truth be told, I am enjoying being single. I don’t want to change that. I feel resistant to change. I’m comfortable, even though I’m not comfortable. And it’s scary outside my comfort zone. I know I have to go there, eventually. But right now, at this moment, I do not feel ready.

    Still, I don’t want to get involved with someone who professes to only want something that is “not serious.” Where can I go with that? What can I do? That absolutely puts the lid on any and all possibility. Even if I don’t want something “serious” right now, I’d be wasting my time with someone like that.

    I am just mad at him for telling me the truth…which I knew already anyway. And the rain is getting me down. Blah.

    I unfriended him on FB. Maybe that was an extreme measure. I didn’t really need to do that. But I don’t see any reason why I need to be involved with him. He’s a waste of time. I’m over it.


  490.  #490Happy on November 16, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I’ve hashed out my feelings about this rori style a while back when things were bad with strummingman.
    I regretted it then as I left that relationship to be with strummingman. Now I’ve had time to process everything. I’m in a place where I’m open to hearing from men old and new for practise, nothing more. I feel at ease about everything. No regret, no expectation. It’s a genuine feeling. I was remembering it when he texed. It’s my friends bday weekend so it’s memorable.
    He was texting lots over the summer and arranged to meet but we never found a day. Then I’ve heard nothing till today.
    There is still attraction the for me.
    He has a girlfriend of 2 years so no I def don’t have expectations.

  491.  #491Happy on November 16, 2012 at 10:16 am

    I want to practise speaking my truth.

  492.  #492Goddess Lily on November 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

    No longer waiting on CaliCD. Accepted my work ex’s invitation if he is still available. If not I will treat myself to an evening of pole dance practice and strength training….and then wine 🙂

  493.  #493Turquoise on November 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Thank you FW, I was thinking about you too! How much were you affected by Sandy? In all my happy feelings, I feel guilty seeing the damage, loss and devestation just a few hundred miles away from me.
    I really loved reading your post that felt so vunerable and open. I don’t know much about your relationships… felt like I got a peek inside. (((((FW))))

    Calypso….. omg, soo funny about your son! I wondered if that was where this was going! My face feels warm just imagining it…lol. About GM, speaking from recent experience with Mr. Conversation, oh I know it’s so hard to let go when they offer friendship. It feels way better than the alternative of not having them…. but the longer that relationship lasted, the more it prevented me from really being available to someone else. It’s awesome you are dating and flirting… but when your heart is tied to the one who doesn’t want a commitment…. we aren’t, or at least I wasn’t, really open to someone else. Lots of sirens here told me that, and I did believe them. I just didn’t want to let go of something that felt so good. Why not have him in my life in whatever capacity I could? Most men we date won’t be the one, doesn’t mean they don’t have value right? Of course they do. And I will cherish the time I had with him, hold it close to my heart and truly do wish him all the best. Maybe someday he’ll come back, ready for something more. Maybe not, but either way, I feel really open to what lies ahead for me. So many times I worried that there just wasn’t going to be anyone out there for me. Now I’m certain there is, and more than one!

    Mr. Conversation was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. He definitely helped me get over C, and I haven’t felt this alive and turned on energetically in a long time. But I’m choosing me. He’s making it easy on me, by not talking to me. It would be hard to hear from him and not slip back into the comfortable half relationship we wanted.

    But I FINALLY feel strong enough to know that yes while I really want him, I don’t need him. I’m perfectly ok on my own. I loved a lot of what we had and the chemistry…wow. But mainly what I miss is the conversation, getting so close to each others souls. And that can happen again, I’m ok, I choose me. If he does come back, Daria’s words to me about not being friends with a man I want more from, are ringing in my ears.

    I would simply share that I want more than friendship. I want someone who is ready to be all in. If he ever wants to give that a chance, i’d feel so happy to hear from him. If not… I sincerely wish him well and to take care.

    SIrens, I choose me. ME! I feel enlightened!

    RN Amazing me, thank you for sharing that dance like no one is watching. I never read that whole thing! I love it!

    Getting the new car set off something inside me. I want to look my best, feel my best… change my look, be gorgeous and even in jeans and a t-shirt… the light in my eyes and smile on my lips, I’m special. I don’t blend in anymore. I didn’t used to either… I always said being from a large family, you learn to stand out in a crowd. Somewhere along the way, in my sad marriage, being so busy being a mom… I stopped shining. Everything went into my girls, not much left over for me. Now, I see they are my reflection, not who I am. I’m not just their mom. What a realization!

    Rori…. thank you for this wonderful place. To grow and learn and make friends. To record our personal histories and share dreams. The relationship I want, will reflect the relationship I have with myself. I get that now. Thank you.

  494.  #494LoveAlways on November 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

    This siren is getting her “swagger” back!!

    I have a date scheduled late this afternoon with cddj

    scheduling another date for dinner next week with cdarmy

    and CDsong (remember him) called me today. Our last conversation I told him it would feel good to go out since I don’t want to come to his apartment. I’m feeling he’s willing to compromise on the no sex deal and meet up somewhere just to hang out together. That would feel really good just to have a date with him.

    No new cds in my rotation yet, but I’m open to what the universe brings my way.

    HScd is out of my dating rotation for now, but I suspect he is going to ask me out again sooner than later.

    Yes, I’m feeling that energy, it’s feminine, it’s strong and it feels good.

    I’m calling it swagger.

  495.  #495Turquoise on November 16, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Half relationship he wanted.

  496.  #496LoveAlways on November 16, 2012 at 10:29 am

    It feels good to be out of the pits for once

  497.  #497LoveAlways on November 16, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Happy –
    Speaking your truth feels wonderful and freeing. Good for you. Reading your post made me feel uplifted.

  498.  #498Turquoise on November 16, 2012 at 10:33 am

    FW, Jilly and I are friends on FB, and from what I can tell, everything sounds good. She doesn’t post much personal stuff, but I’ve seen some really positive work posts and she sounds happy as usual. 🙂

  499.  #499Camille on November 16, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Well Sirens, here we go I have been dating D for about 7 months now…..he works out of town so its not a huge amount of time spent physically together he has for months called me every morning everynight and sometimes during the day. Last weekend he opened up and got very close and said the “L” word. And now he is backing away…….no call at night no call in the morning………So this is where I lean way way back right?

  500.  #500Calypso on November 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Camille – yes, lean way, way back. he scared himself . . .

  501.  #501Calypso on November 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Turquoise – I know everything you said is true – it is obvious, but . . . I am not willing to walk away from GM completely. I know it is keeping me from completely moving on, but i don’t want to completely move on. I don’t want to hurt either, which is why I sometimes blast him like I did last night, but he can take it. Meanwhile i will practice with JC and any other man I come into contact with and I will work on me – I have a lot of healing to do in areas of my life that have nothing to do with GM, so maybe he is just a place holder . . . securing me while I float around and try to find my way. I don’t feel like he is toxic for me. He is kind to me most of the time – he thinks the world of me, which I appreciate. I wish it was more and he knows that, but life is short and I’m not going to push him out of mine.

  502.  #502Camille on November 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Yep thats what I figured “he freaked his little self out!” The question I do have though is this? And I am just feeling like I need confirmation from what I have learned in Roris programs …….. but when he calls I am soft and receptive right? I am feeling a bit like not answering at all at the moment when he calls.

    Thank Calypso for answering me

  503.  #503Turquoise on November 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Calypso, I totally get it. I do. What I realized would be very hard for me, was that while we had no commitment, he would start dating others, was still on dating sites looking… which all ended up feeling like while he truly may not want a commitment, he also wasn’t inspired enough to choose me.

  504.  #504Tereana on November 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

    MissStix – Thank you for your message and hugs!! 🙂 I really appreciate that. And I love that you are listening to your voices to “not tamper” with my situation. lol. It’s all working itself out, just fine.

    This is for my best good. Even if it’s not all roses and lovely in the moment.

    And I appreciate your thoughts for me! Even without knowing what they are! : ) xoxo

  505.  #505Calypso on November 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Camille – you have it right – soft and receptive. Make it safe for him.

    Turquoise – GM is not dating other women and if he did and I had to see it on FB or hear about it in any way it would tear my heart out and I would have to stop our contact. i could not cope with it. He isn’t dating and isn’t looking for a relationship. One day he might meet the woman who will change his mind about that and if it isn’t me . . . i will have to walk away. he knows I have very serious concerns about us being “friends” – at first I told him we couldn’t, but then we kept contacting each other, which was silly . . . we have love for each other, I’ll take it.

  506.  #506Camille on November 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

    but I also want to put a feeling message in about him not calling right. Something like Im feeling really disconnected from you since we haven talked. And I dont like feeling like that?

    Thanks Again Calypso for your help

  507.  #507GingerSky on November 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Picking up an older thread, Bobbi Palmer’s entry a week or so ago about Online Dating, Like a Grown Up… I just wanna share this bc it feels very important for me, and bc it feels edifying to me to post it here for more to see and so I can put myself out there in a way that feels good right now:

    Fwiw some of what was said and how you’ve shared it in your blog, Bobbi, feels bad for me… and not in a way that is just me hiding from truth. With all due respect to your success now and to your wisdom and work, this is what worked for *you*… and can we really know that these “techniques” are what brought your husband to you in the first place?

    The angle of: if you do it “right”, and “try harder” (?!), and you just hafta try harder after age 50, or whatever,… oh my! What a lot of judgment, uber-certainty and ego attachment imo! Living in a state of “having to get it right” and always trying harder isn’t always healthy, helpful or even true for many people… it depends where you’re at with all this. A lot of times less is more (80/20 theory etc), and to stop trying so hard often brings brings success for some. It just depends.

    If you’d shared by stating “this is the story of how my husband and I got together and I think some of this may have had an effect on that success” or “this is what worked for me” (which again, is hindsight at best anyway imo!), and if you’d shared your observations as such, I’d have appreciated it a whole lot more and gotten more out of it myself.

    And I find the over-50 dichotomy judgment ilicits a response in me of “pish posh!” (i.e. “BS!” 🙂

    I find this same issue with most if not all of the dating coaches I read except for Rori. She owns her own judgments and leaves us room to find our way with healing effective wisdom shared from her path.

    For me (if I was to turn judgment back on it) I find this and many blog entries/advice from dating coaches to feel like judgmental stating of “fact” (which feels confusing and limiting/arbitrary, depressing). It feels to me as if it’s coming from an unconscious/unintended hero/ego/savior stance, instead of just sharing one’s experiences as such and nothing more, so others can partake as they wish and see what feels truly true for them. (I know that’s the spirit here in general, I just feel like picking out this one example here today 🙂

    (I know my words my feel bad for some, but I like to challenge myself and others to get deeper under surface, communicate honestly, and I live in a community which practices lovingly confronting and speaking out our thoughts, so I mean no attack etc here in case it sounds like that.)

    To me, this is wisdom, and way more helpful/receivable. For me it feels way more helpful/useful/wise/healing to simply hear someone’s story, look under the surface of it and squeeze all I can out of it for me… instead of feeling like their observations and experiences are a framework they’re somehow trying to fit onto me and my situation. That feels bad at worst and useless at best. We all have our unique energies, tendencies, flavors, desires, ways of rolling, ways in which life and others tend to respond to us, and it’s a bit different for us all!

    (For instance, I find I do NOT want to become more delightful to any man. I am apparently so delightful to so many, it’s overwhelming for me, always has been. It has NOT brought me my partner, but only a series of men online and off who are so delighted & excited by me they can’t even SEE me, or commit to relationship — and who are NOT remotely amenable or compatible in any way! This is how I roll automatically, and I as an individual need to take a different tack! lol Everybody’s different.

    I do better when being less delightful, less alluring/intriguing (at least not until I’m actually into a relationship), being more about taking care of me, not trying harder, and not trying to get it “right” etc!!! And never trying to be delightful or hold his interest! I’m extremely comfortable with men even when I’m not, whether they’re strangers, online or off, and they feel that. I still have my fears and defenses, and often sometimes those are GOOD! They keep me from getting in a bad situation if I feel, listen to and express them honestly to myself and to others in the ways Rori teaches.

    The very thought of “keeping a man interested” feels ALL WRONG to me!!!!!)

    A lot of things can work in finding a mate as with anything. For me being authentic while working self-compassionately to get over my own junk and irrational beliefs, neediness, triggers, neuroses, damage, immaturity or hyper-maturity etc, is what works for me. If something doesn’t work as well as hoped, try something different that feels more true 🙂

    No, I haven’t found my mate yet, so unlike you Bobbi, I can’t “prove” my statements. One thing for sure, I’m deeply healing and re-gaining myself and my bearings in this process! Hugely! And it is wonderful! But I put all this out for consideration, and hope it’s helpful for you, and for others.

    Love, GingerSky