Here’s a great guest post by the great Kat Knecht – she was one of my favorite Relationship Expert Interviews…and I loved the theme of this:
Much has been written and many conclusions reached on how money and power are connected and the impact that has on the choices we make in the romantic realm.
The place that seems to be the most interesting to me today though is the place where most of us learned consciously or unconsciously a ton on how money and power work. The experiences we had in our childhood in this area, more than any other is emblazoned on our brains.
To say the messages I received about money and power in my childhood were mixed would be putting it mildly. A little sampling from the money and power file from Kat’s childhood goes a little like this.
My clearest memory of this last drama was of my mother taking me by the shoulders one day, looking me directly in the eye and telling me with a greater intensity then I ever remember before or after. She asked me to promise her that I ” would never depend on a man for money”. Promise!
I did promise but I also decided in that moment that my mother was wrong about love, money and power. Well I was about 7 at the time so I doubt my thinking was that sophisticated. It was however something along those lines. I had a knowing that I was all GIRL a romantic soul to boot. I knew even then that I wanted to have a wonderful career AND to have a good marriage with all the trimmings.
When I pull the lens back a bit I also can see that for me what I witnessed in both my parents families of origin and my own family was that the women had a great deal of power. I was confused though about how they used it, the mixed messages they sent and exactly how the men in these families fit in.
It is no mystery to me then that I went into adulthood with mixed messages and proceeded to get even more confused by my own dramas in the area of money and power. It took me years and much unnecessary suffering to realize I was simply acting out old patterns I had learned from my parents and others and brought them into my marriage. Patterns that were not wise or healthy and would certainly not contribute to being wealthy!
What I discovered and the good news for you is that when we become aware of an unconscious pattern being played out we can change it! The fear and limited thinking built into these patterns can be replaced with a new pattern of our own creation. Here is how you can make this shift for yourself. Take some time to identify your own childhood influences.
Look to your grandparent and parents. Look at your parent’s marriage, the influences from movies and books. What were your messages from those people you admired or those you feared?
Look for the patterns. Then begin to identify how those patterns have played out in your life. What were the messages you received from these various sources about how money and power were used in romantic relationships? When you have this information you will be able break the patterns that leave you confused and powerless. Little by little you will be able to begin new patterns that will help you create healthy patterns for yourself and bring those into your own romantic relationships.
Kat Knecht is a love, dating and relationship coach. Along with her husband Curtis she is the co-founder of The Relationship Coaching Connection, which delivers positive and productive private and group coaching programs, workshops and retreats to benefit all kinds of relationships. Her program The Art and Science of Romance has helped hundreds of women find the romantic life they desire. The Relationship Alchemy Coaching Circles that Kat facilitates weekly help women to not only find the love of their lives, or improve the relationship they already have, but to learn how to practice self- love and use their own personal power in a positive way. With this they can create a fulfilling life and confidently navigate the territory of romance for the rest of their lives.
Find out more on Kat’s web site www.relationshipcoaching.com where you can sign up for a free consultation.