Love Romance Relationship

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Just wanted to let you know my dear friend Steve Warwick, who owns and chief-edits www.LoveRomanceRelationship.com is now publishing new books and articles by my friends and the coaches I mentor (and perhaps you’d like to get published there, too…). He’s now publishing:

Tinque’s great ebook (Sex and Heart), a new book and audio program by Orna and Matthew Walters (Recognizing Mr. Right), a new book and audio program by Allana Pratt (Single Mom Manifesto), and all kinds of interesting relationship-oriented books around specific skills you can use with men like body language and personality typing.

AND – he’s accepting all kinds of articles and stories for publishing – and I know so many of you are brilliant writers around relationship and the work we’re doing here – so if you’d like to be published, go on over there, read some of the articles, see if it’s a good fit for you, and contact him through LoveRomanceRelationship’s “Contact Page”!

If you’re in the mood to tell your story and give advice (no need to mention me at all) and love to write – you might like seeing your words in print…

Also – when you go over there – be sure to subscribe to the newsletters. You’ll get his “Bring Him Close” report (practically an ebook) free and get all the new articles for that week. (You’ll see me all over the place there because he’s an affiliate for me…feel free to comment if you like, too.)

Again:

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com

Love, Rori

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546 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 7:15 am

    hhhmm juicy



  2.  #2Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 7:36 am

    Sharing how you feel takes the spotlight off of the man. And that’s what a REAL man wants.
    Real men do not like the spotlight in a relationship.
    “Little Boy” men do.
    “Little Boys” like their feelings considered first and always.
    They want to know what YOU can do for THEM, and have no interest in doing for you any more than they have to keep you around.
    Often, a man’s “Little Boy” “issues” disappear when we start expressing our real selves.
    When we become even MORE vulnerable around him.
    If you’re with a man, like Vanessa’s, who talks about his own feelings a lot and always seems to want you to come to him, you can turn the Energy Exchange around by saying how YOU FEEL even more!
    You can stop coddling his feelings by asking him what he thinks, instead.
    A real man doesn’t want to be coddled.
    A real man wants to be a Prince or a King to your Princess. He doesn’t want to be the frog you have to kiss to life – he wants to put the crown on YOUR head!
    So next time you’re tempted to get “sucked in” by all a man’s stories around why he “can’t commit” or “be in a relationship,” don’t believe him.
    He may or may not be lying on purpose, but he’s for sure lying to himself.
    And you can walk the Rori Raye Bridge to the relationship you want by NOT allowing ANY man to pull you off course. You can do this!
    All it takes is to realize that you have choices and options, and that men everywhere want you.

    Even if you’ve never believed it before, believe and act like you are very expensive, highly prized, and possessed of inner strength and outer softness.
    A good, real man will recognize that right off and fight for you. It’s true!
    Let him.
    Love, Rori



  3.  #3Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 7:43 am

    What actually happens is this: The moment he becomes your “one and only,” without his asking you (and remember – this is important – he has to ask you NOT in a “boyfriend” sort of way, but in a “wedding ring” way), he feels pressured.
    And as he feels pressured, all your insecurities and old patterns start to fight against your common sense.
    He almost instantly starts to move backward, away from you.
    And that kicks in your inner nasty voices and feelings of need and desperation, and so you automatically (if you’re anything like I was and like most of us women are instinctively), you feel compelled to move toward him.
    That looks like Leaning Forward when you’re talking to him, paying way too much attention to how he feels and what he’s doing, and trying to manage to see him and talk to him as much as possible.
    And he can FEEL all this.
    And it just sends him away.
    It sends him to the Land of “Just Friends.”

    The only way to see if this man can switch from friendship to romance is to emotionally walk away.



  4.  #4mary on September 8, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Hello Tinque!

    I went to this link and saw you! And read your blurb for the book Sex And Heart. I LOVED everything you said!

    And I want to tell you how much your book and the coaching sessions have meant to me. You’ve been so generous and gracious and you’re such an amazing listener! And your book – Chapter 6, as you highlighted, in particular – is something I’ve read over and over and over. I really have had a hard time with my man’s curious wandering eyes. He loves to look at everyone wherever we go. And of course, I’d prefer his eyes to be on me at all times. You really gave me something to think about (obviously you’ve been there and really thought it through) and I want to thank you so much for that! And for letting me go on and on and on and remembering everything and piecing it all together…

    Love you! Mary



  5.  #5Laughing Goddess on September 8, 2011 at 8:02 am

    ***Happy belated Birthday Lillybelly and Mel!!!***

    I’ve been camping and away from the computer for the last few weeks. I feel relieved to finally be home and getting settled back in.

    Love you two!



  6.  #6DE on September 8, 2011 at 8:27 am

    FW:

    Thank u for posting the letters…I am a bit behind on receiving the ones u do…since i had to sign up again with a different account.

    This one feels good and speaks to my heart 🙂

    warm hugs,



  7.  #7DE on September 8, 2011 at 8:29 am

    LG:

    So good to see you – at least here- once in a while 🙂 I miss u 🙂

    i love hearing your stories … it feels me up with hope 🙂

    warm hugs,



  8.  #8Emoticon on September 8, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Happy belated Lilybelly and Laughing Goddess (I love this name by the way)!!!!

    Feminine Woman as usual your comments are so useful and so very much appreciated. I love when Sirens post their stories also, but I absolutely love when you post advice in your comments!



  9.  #9DE on September 8, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Woke up with a cold…sore throat…watery eyes…body aches…:(

    Apparently, i got it from T…he was fighting it last weekend…but he thought were allergies…i guess not 🙁

    I haven’t heard from him since Monday nite…Not sure what to make of it…Is this a test…to do my part to initiate contact…to show “i care”?

    I feel disappointed…really turned off…i don’t feel angry…kinda of feel relieved…I don’t feel stuck on him…to the contrary…I feel disconnected emotionally …which is good…for me.

    Friday nite, I have a date confirmed…been talking to his guy for over a month…very weird how for different reasons we couldn’t meet…and I got closer to T…and now, T…is MIA…and CD#2 been consistent…and asked me out…

    CD#2 also has showed signs of “meet me in the middle” type of thing…”call me…or let me know when u available…we’ll see…etc…”

    Whats up with that/???

    I wonder if in my mind I am inviting these men….and if so…what’s the message?

    Ah…maybe this is my opportunity to outgirl them…and learn to be feminine…in their presence…

    Oh, i felt sooo surprised to read the last 2 newsletters from CC…It felt like deja vu reading them…cause many of my conversations/FM dialogues/thoughts I had with T and shared on previous threads…were used in his letters – not as verbatim, but gosh, sooo close…hmmm:) Am I inspiring CC? Okay, i feel flattered…



  10.  #10Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 8:49 am

    This article by Rori Raye: “Can you change one small habit and affect how you feel about yourself? Yes!”

    Have you ever felt like your wellbeing depended on how a man was feeling and acting?

    Where – if he’s upset, or cold, or moody, or even withdrawing from you or neglecting you because of his own “issues,” then you feel terrible?

    I remember that this was what my entire love life was like – for most of my life.

    It was as though my relationship to myself and my LIFE depended on how my man was relating to me.

    If things were good, I felt good.

    If they were bad, I felt bad.

    And all the awful feelings in between – the anxiety, worry, depression, tears, anger…

    Here’s a quick way to change all that – SMILE AT YOURSELF:

    1. Locate all the mirrors in your home, at work, and in the bathrooms of your favorite local hangouts.

    I have a big one in my bathroom, several in my living room and office, and a huge, long one in my bedroom, so I’m ALWAYS passing by one of them – see how often YOU come in contact with a mirror.

    Chances are, if you’re like most of us – you only spend time at a mirror when you’re putting on makeup, checking out your clothing before going out, and brushing your teeth.

    And chances are, if you’re like most of us – you’re not all that crazy about staring at yourself in the mirror anyway.

    Well, let’s change that.

    Let’s get our THRILLS from staring at ourselves in the mirror!

    It’s so much easier to see all the flaws than to see all the beauty in our faces and our bodies – but if you look closely, and with a new perspective – our beauty is so tremendous that the flaws only ADD to the effect.

    The flaws make us less “perfect” – but they also make us MORE ATTRACTIVE!

    The truth is – it’s what WE might consider to be our “flaws” that actually creates our “charisma.”

    We just have to learn how to love those “flaws” and let them work FOR us instead of against us – like with this Tool.

    2. Now – every single time you walk by one of those mirrors, I want you to stop, turn to the mirror, and smile at yourself – even BEFORE you get a clear, focused image of your reflection.

    In other words, smile at the IDEA of seeing yourself.

    When you get to the point that you automatically smile at yourself every time you see yourself, something will happen inside you that’s very, very nice.

    You’ll start to look forward to seeing yourself!

    And as you start to feel this way, your heart will warm to yourself – and as that happens, your vibe will change, and your man will experience you in a different, warmer, more confident way.

    3. Next – Get up closer to the mirror for a second and SEE the smile on your face as you’re looking at yourself.

    Stay there for a few moments, really smiling at yourself.

    See if you can take your WHOLE self in – without what we normally do of picking apart the details.

    Let your smile be a secret signal to yourself that you LIKE yourself.

    And you WILL.

    Don’t worry about getting a “swelled head.”

    If you think you are, write me and I’ll tell you it’s a GREAT THING!

    I WANT you to think you’re the “greatest thing since sliced bread” – and you ARE.



  11.  #11Emoticon on September 8, 2011 at 8:52 am

    I’m having a good day! I hope all other Sirens are too



  12.  #12Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 9:00 am

    But this Tool works differently.

    You pick a song sung by a man, and he sings to YOU about his love for you.

    And – you allow yourself to revel in it, to feel it, to experience it, to move with it, to feel turned on a sexy with it – from a place of POWER.

    YOU are the one turning on the song and listening to it.

    YOU deserve the love, you receive the love, you are the SOURCE of DEESIRE for the singer.

    Also try this – once you’ve experienced this feeling of surrender to being WANTED and DESIRED by the singer of the song, take that FEELING out into the world.

    When you’re walking around, remember how it feels to have masculine energy and love

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/new-tool-to-attract-love/



  13.  #13Mochaberri on September 8, 2011 at 9:03 am

    As always FW your words are insightful!



  14.  #14Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Sponsored by Have The Relationship You Want.

    At first, dating expert Rori Raye’s ideas about how to get a man to commit seemed counter-intuitive: Don’t be his girlfriend? Don’t try to win him over? But then we realized this: Rori wants us to get a man to commit by being our most authentic selves, which, in turn, allows men to be their most authentic selves. And that makes a lot of sense.

    These tips are only the beginning. If you want more of Rori’s wisdom check out her blog and newsletter, Have The Relationship You Want, where she goes into much more detail.

    1. Love him, but don’t be his girlfriend.

    Being his girlfriend means being exclusive with out a “forever” promise. If you want to get married, don’t be his girlfriend. A man might tell you that he needs time to decide if you’re right for him, but according to Rori men know very soon whether or not you’re the One.

    2. Don’t be exclusive until you’re engaged.

    Once you’ve become exclusive and have your eye on marriage, a man can sense that you’re thinking about the relationship, wondering where things are going, hoping he loves you as much as you love him—all of which are totally normal feelings, but they make men withdraw emotionally, says Rori. Not being exclusive gives you room to breath, relax and really figure out if this is the relationship for you, which allows him to fall for you without worrying that you’re overly invested in him.

    3. Date more than one man at once.

    The corollary to not being exclusive is dating more than one guy at a time. That way you can compare men to each other, you don’t feel urgent about one particular man, and you’re able to be open to new opportunities. Of course, if he’s ready to commit and marry you then by all means, be exclusive—but not until he’s ready to really commit.

    4. Be able to receive love.

    If a man doesn’t think you’re able to be loved, he won’t be able to commit. You need to show him that you can handle his emotions and believe that he loves you.

    5. Don’t try to win him over.

    Don’t make him dinner every night, clean his place for him and come over as soon as he says he has the flu. That will put you in the mother or friend category.

    6. Tell him what you want. If you want to get engaged and he’s stalling, tell him what you want. Be kind but direct. Keep it short and simple. And above all, be emotionally available to whatever his response it.

    7. Tell him how you feel. This is different from the “Here’s what I want” speech. Telling him how you feel means expressing yourself in a non-judgmental, open way. If a man is guessing at what you’re feeling he won’t be able to connect with you.

    8. Be vulnerable. You may be a CEO or President or Chairman of the Board, but if a man can’t see your vulnerable, authentic self he won’t be able to be open with you, either. If you let him see your secret sensitive side he’ll feel safe with you and will be able to let his guard down around you, too.

    9. Be in touch with your feelings. In order to do all of the above you need to be in touch with your feelings so that you can choose how you react to your feelings instead of allowing your feelings to control your actions.
    10. Allow him to be who he really is. A man wants to be with a woman with whom he cam be completely himself. That doesn’t mean being a jerk or doing typical guy things—it means expressing his true feelings—his real self. And you help him do that by doing the same with him: be your real self, feel and express your real feelings, and your man will fall for you—forever.



  15.  #15Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 9:34 am

    *****TOOL #2 – TRANSLATIONS – HOW TO SPEAK SO HE’LL HEAR

    Everything we say can be fit into one of two categories: CONTROL SPEAK and SURRENDER SPEAK. Control Speak is the language of the head, and Surrender Speak is the language of the heart. When you talk from your head, you become a friend, a nice woman, someone he’d like to spend time with, and even a sexy woman who turns him on. But he won’t fall in love with you from his head. When you speak from your heart, from your feelings, you connect your own heart with his heart. And then he can love you.
    Sounds easy. And in order to open your heart enough to let him in, I’m going to ask you to love yourself, first. When you talk to anyone in the words of Surrender Speak, you’re talking from your heart. If you do it all the time, you will soon, automatically and naturally, become a woman who speaks from her heart. Yo u’ll wonder how you did it any other way. And then the walls around your heart will naturally come down, and your heart will naturally open up. And then a great man will walk in and claim your heart with his.
    That’s how it works.

    So, here are some ways to avoid speaking from your head when you’re with a man. (When you’re at work, or doing business, or taking care of things that need to be taken care of, you’ll have to be able to speak both languages. You’d be surprised how well Surrender Speak works out there in the world in places you’d never dream it would!)

    CONTROL SPEAK:
    The words and thoughts of Control Speak are all about him
    Consider those words and thoughts Off Limits!
    SURRENDER SPEAK:
    The words and thoughts of Surrender Speak are about you and your feelings.
    And those are the words you want to say.
    Surrender Speak is about being Vulnerable and Real. It’s the Rori Raye Way to
    go.
    When you find yourself thinking and wanting to speak Control Speak – Stop
    Yourself! (I recommend simply putting your hand over your mouth — it’s what I do!) Instead of verbalizing Control Speak, substitute a Feeling Message from
    Surrender Speak. Don’t worry or think about coming up with the perfectly stated Feeling Message – just choose the words from the Surrender Speak list that feel the closest to what you’re actually feeling, and be as simple, short, and direct as you can. After a few days (really — that quickly), if you’re even just a little bit brave, you’ll get the hang of it!
    In my Have the Relationship You Want ebook — you’ll find this Tool as an easy to read chart.

    CONTROL SPEAK looks and sounds like:
    Why is he doing that? What is he doing? What is he feeling?
    What are you feeling?
    What do you mean?
    I’ll bet I know why he’s depressed
    Oh, he’s just — etc.
    Oh, men are just like that
    There’s so much tension between us. He must be…mad, upset, having
    childhood memories, etc.
    Instead – use Surrender Speak. It looks and sounds like: I feel: Mad, sad, glad, afraid, scared, angry, happy, disconnected, confused, shaky, uncomfortable, weird, upset, lonely, tired, exhausted
    If you find yourself thinking or saying: “Why does he always have to do that? ” “You never listen to me!”
    Or “I need you to do this or that” Say this instead: “I feel (you fill in the blank here – maybe mad, sad, happy, afraid…). If you find yourself thinking or saying: “What if we (you) did that?” Or “Can we (you) please do that?”
    Say this instead: “I feel (fill in the blank here), I don’t want to go there; do that, see that, feel this, feel that, listen to this, be there, be here, stand here, tolerate this, have this, worry about this, think about this, take charge of this, plan this.” If you find yourself thinking or saying this: “What’s going on with our relationship?” Say something like this instead: “I don’t want that (fill in the blank here – not-committed, just friends, friends with benefits, casual…) kind of relationship.”
    Not noticing when he does something nice is Control Speak without saying anything. Instead, say: Thank you. I like that tie, I like how you look, I love this restaurant – I feel so good here, I feel so good with you, that feels so good, etc.
    If you find yourself saying: I want you to pick me up, open my door, etc.
    Instead, use Surrender Speak and say: I’m old-fashioned. I don’t feel comfortable meeting men, calling men, planning dates, etc.
    When you switch from Control Speak to Surrender Speak, everything in your
    relationship will change. You will feel better. For perhaps the first time, you will get in touch with what you are really, actually feeling at any given moment, instead of being in your head about what your date or mate is doing or thinking. This will make HIM feel better. For perhaps the first time, he will experience all the pressure he normally feels actually lift away.
    He will want to move closer to you. The relationship will get better.
    For perhaps the first time, there will be the opening for intimacy.
    It may be scary. It may feel messy.
    But you will also feel such relief and happiness at the almost instant positive
    results, you’ll be motivated to continue using the tools.
    ***There are many, many more moments to switch from Control Speak to Surrender Speak than I can describe here – so MAKE A LIST OF YOUR OWN WORDS. Think about the conflicts that come up over and over again.
    On the left half of a piece of paper, write the words you would usually say.
    Imagine how you might actually feel at that moment, and substitute Surrender
    Speak – a Feeling Message instead. Write it down on the right half of the paper. Then, when the same situation comes up again, and you’re on the spot, you’ll already have words you can use without working hard to think about it.
    Instead of working at all, you’ll be able to just feel what you feel and then say
    it in words. It sounds tricky now, but you can do it!
    Once you get the hang of it, your stress will go down and your self-esteem will
    go up.



  16.  #16Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Mochaberri I am reviewing some of Rori’s work and posting things that have helped me.



  17.  #17Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Yay, new article!

    What an interesting idea, too….I never thought of being published for something like this. Something to think about…!



  18.  #18Emoticon on September 8, 2011 at 10:09 am

    I feel like I can try to make a contribution but my NVs r telling me I’m not good enough.

    I just told my NVs I feel like I am good enough to make a contribution even if I haven’t been perfect, I have been helping friends with their relationships tremendously and am learning so much from my experiences that I would love to share



  19.  #19Lilybelly on September 8, 2011 at 10:13 am

    5:

    Thank you, LG!!

    BIG hugs to you!!



  20.  #20Lilybelly on September 8, 2011 at 10:16 am

    8:

    Thank you, Emoticon! Yesterday was a good day. It felt great to turn 40 again. : D



  21.  #21Daria on September 8, 2011 at 10:57 am

    tonite i ate a bear. a sunflower. an olive. a baby chicken. a red pepper. an onion. lamb and baby buffalo food.

    thank you all!

    and all the humans who wanted to bring it to me

    and me!!



  22.  #22Daria on September 8, 2011 at 11:11 am

    i feel pist and judgemental of some women with businesses that seem to be doing well

    i feel jealous, and i feel so angry

    and i feel embarassed to feel that way

    sigh

    i love my sigh



  23.  #23Katarina on September 8, 2011 at 11:38 am

    That website link is not working for some reason??



  24.  #24Daria on September 8, 2011 at 11:44 am

    for example i read this in an e-letter

    “P.S. In this short interview I tell a very personal story I’ve rarely shared before of when I was one of THE top book publicists on the planet YET was completely depressed and miserable. I talk about all the anxiety, frustration, pain, and FEAR I was forced to deal with … and what I did to turn that all around and create the dream life I am now living! I think you will be really inspired when you listen to it.”

    and i feel so ANGRY

    i feel like yelling and attacking this woman!

    ugh!!

    i feel so judgemental

    !!!!

    rarrrrgh

    i LOVE My anger!!



  25.  #25Ella on September 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Feeling really grouchy today… just sinking into it.

    Grrrrrrrrr.



  26.  #26alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    it’s raining men. and it feels overwhelming. i actually feel like “effieciency dater” rather than sensual, slow moving enjoy myself dater. is good though to learn the efficiency part today because is super easy to see guys weed themselves out. aaw, i feel bad to sort of imply they are weeds and not flowers.

    anyway, that’s not what i mean. i just mean they are not right for me and are unable to qualify themselves for dating me.

    so in some ways is fun. but also i just finally had to say, no more. and i almost wanted to delete emails without even opening them just to be “done” and “caught up”. but instead i just logged out and said for later.

    i have no idea why this profile is getting so much attention. and i have one photo which in my opinion is meh. ?

    who knows.

    must be because my vibe has MAJOR shifted.

    and also i am becoming really taking care of myself goddess in my business life. i feel like WOW about the way i have handled things and my attitude and especially considering the situation.

    is easy to be brave when there is nothing at stake, right?

    anyway i feel brave and taking care of myself under ANY AND ALL circumstances and i think that has shifted me in a major way.



  27.  #27alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    😀



  28.  #28Ella on September 8, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Hmm, is it wrong that I replied to a POF e-mail… one of those standard questions in a first e-mail…

    He said ‘Hello, how are you doing?’

    I said ‘Hello, I am feeling ok thank you just a little tired and grouchy today’

    Now obviously I am not expecting to hear back from this guy as it is such a negative response for the first contact… but it IS how I am feeling.

    And I can’t be bothered to say otherwise.

    Oh, and I could have said ‘I am feeling bored with this question’ however that feels just too harsh and unappreciative to me.



  29.  #29alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    it will feel good when the hot water heater is fixed in my apt bldg. has been two days. can’t wait to be clean and hot showered. should be any hour now….



  30.  #30Ella on September 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Well this is different… made me smile and LOL… bonus points to him!!

    Message from POF:

    “Wassup Buffy . all new to this.Love your profile and sexy smile….ouch your hot boo, i want to chat you up get back xXXx”

    He he… cheered me up 🙂



  31.  #31Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    now im eating pig skin, bee throwup (honey lol) from acacia trees, and walnuts

    hehe i have the amazing planet food

    i feel teary



  32.  #32Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    thank you bees, thank you pig! thank you acacia, thank you walnuts

    thank you everyone who brought me this

    thank you me!

    and thank you to the cow for the cheese i jsut ate



  33.  #33Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    Ella – i think you Will hear back from that guy, i always hear back from guys when i tell them im feeling tired and cranky

    they usually ask why or offer to make me feel better



  34.  #34Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Shame though… he only has 1 pic and you can’t really see him properly in it… also some stuff he has written in his profile makes me feel wary…



  35.  #35Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    thank you daria for attempting to practice 5 second look with man at security today, guy in parking lot, and lady at counter

    thank you for asking to be dropped off where you wanted to be on the bus

    thank you for noticing yourself blaming mom and switching back to appreciating her for showing up for my healing

    thank you for feeding me yummy food

    thank you for lookng at damnyouautocorrect.com

    thank you for showering me



  36.  #36Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Although I could still practice for a bit… see how I feel.



  37.  #37Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Hello world. I’m thankful for all my siren sisters.

    Sorry I got your name wrong, you know who, and thanks for the diamonds and the jewelry store.

    And thanks to all those Italian people too.

    😀

    xoxo



  38.  #38Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Daria…

    It will be interesting to see if he does or not.

    xoxox



  39.  #39Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Hmmm, feeling critical.

    Why do guys put stuff like ‘fitguy…’ as their screen names, esp when you can see they don’t have charisma or confidence… ?

    And why do some guys have their ONLY profile pic of them wearing sunglasses so we can’t see their eyes.

    That makes me feel TURNED OFF instantly!

    Esp when they are INDOORS!!!!!!



  40.  #40Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    thank you for blessing my water

    thank you for taking the applecider honey and catina fruit mix

    i wonder what kinda catina is in my vinegar?… i could call and ask hmmm…

    i love me
    omg thank u for looking it up!!!

    the white one is ‘sea buckthorn’ – i was reading about this oil at mountainroseherbs.com and was feeling fascinated

    didn’t know it was this!

    so awesome

    the red one is tamarisk

    im guessing i probably have the white one in my vinegar



  41.  #41Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    @3: Femininewoman says:
    “…What actually happens is this: The moment he….
    …..
    The only way to see if this man can switch from friendship to romance is to emotionally walk away….

    Is this “Femininewoman saying?” Is there something missing before you wrote “What actually happens is this:…?

    😀

    xoxo



  42.  #42Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    i have been going to the beach to this very salty lake

    lil ‘larvae’ animals live there and when they die they sink with the bottom and mix with the earth and it makes a very black smooth mud

    then i put the mud on me and it feels so good

    the other day i had drank some spoiled milk and felt dizzy and faint and as soon as the mud got on me i felt wayyy better

    the mud is really good for people with bone issues

    then we get in the water and wash it off

    i saw lots of lil larvae today they are translucent

    it is a naked all woman area too where we are so it feels interesting to look at all the goddesses of different shapes

    and all the nanis!



  43.  #43Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    the lil sea worm organisms are caled Artemia Salina

    they look cute! and transparent! the y are tiny

    here is a picture
    http://www.cristera.ro/images/stories/artemia.jpg



  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    @33: Ella says:
    “… also some stuff he has written in his profile makes me feel wary…”

    Hi, Ella. What did he write in his profile? And what thought came to your mind when you read it?

    I’m curious to know and it’s helpful to me.

    Thanks.

    😀

    xoxo



  45.  #45Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    sea monkeys, plankton, brine shrimp woohoo!

    at first i felt disgusted

    i sank into the feeling and then now i feel amazing!

    yay!!!



  46.  #46Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Hmmm, why is there no ‘like’ button for profiles on POF… ok it would be leaning forward… but it would also be great 🙂



  47.  #47Daria on September 8, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    i am even starting to feel curious and loving towards cockroaches



  48.  #48alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    i feel like i can’t say…

    I feel f*cking pissed. i feel bad that this enormous element of distrust has been introduced into this project. I feel sooooooooooooooo less interested and excited than I originally was based on our conversations. I feel fearful that expressing all this will terminate our relationship before it has even begun. And I feel indifferent to whether or not this is accurate. I feel very screw you and go f*ck yourself.

    what do you think?



  49.  #49Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    @38: Ella says:
    “…Why do guys put stuff like ‘fitguy…’ as their screen names, esp when you can see they don’t have charisma or confidence… ? …”

    The “fitguy” probably only means his body type?

    Is there some specific something you see in the photos that leads to this conclusion, something like slumping posture, or hanging head down, or frowning, or eyes closed, or kind of clothes they are wearing?

    This would help a lot. Thank you, my sister siren… 😀

    xoxo



  50.  #50Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    SLV

    “ohhh talk about myself! my fav thing to do ….NOT!!
    firstly! I just wanna say ive spoke aload of really cool people on here:) BUT also some people i thought were cool 🙂 who were nothing less tha scum!! .. 1 message!…..KEEP IT REAL!
    ok lets write this out …what do you wanna know?
    if i write something naughty ul think im a prat…..
    if i write something everyday and boring ul fall to sleep ….
    ummmm what am i looking for?? Real empress is a great turn on 🙂
    age?? ummm i tend to eat young women for breakfast … tho if u think you can fill me up, im up for the challenge
    take that what ever way you want to 🙂
    i just gonna say if you love alot of banter … BRING IT ON …

    ummmm hobbies? if i said i was a keep fit fan …id be lieing but im not lazy.
    i love to feel the rush of passion …. thats not really a hobbie but i thought id drop that one in there anyway :)”

    Its the bit where he says some people are ‘scum’ … also I do not want to ‘banter’ with my man (although that alone would not have put me off) and the bit where he says about he eats young women for breakfast feels kinda ‘ick’.

    Also the whole thing just gives me the feel of I would be fighting him off… doesn’t feel like he would cherish and worship me… and also gives the feel to me as though it would be a thing of limited life span before he went looking for the next ‘rush of passion’ …

    Just how it made me feel.

    Gosh I am noticing how much I do judge from what is written in a profile!

    🙂



  51.  #51Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Just copying this from the previous thread, in case you miss it (about my dream(s))

    Susan #359:

    Wow, Susan, I am totally impressed with this interpretation and it makes total sense to me. I am presently at a crossroad in my life and have to take some decisions about the way I want to pursue my dreams and make them come true. My sweetie is part of it but he doesn’t know it yet. I am confident yet apprehensive about the whole situation.

    FW #356, I like your interpretation too, maybe it is sinking in even though it is not in my nature to lean back.

    Many thanks to both of you!



  52.  #52Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Daria @ 46

    LOL!

    ROFL!!!

    🙂 xx



  53.  #53Ella on September 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    SLV re 48,

    Hmmm, what are you up to?

    I feel muchas curious!

    🙂

    Ok… well for me yes it is the slumped shoulders, slightly dipped head, kinda apologetic look on face… stiff looking, hunched up shoulders…

    Also, and oh ewww I feel so judgemental saying this stuff, but skinny white arms, and high necked plain black T shirts…

    Also no sparkle in eyes… no confidence in posture… No fun ‘HERE I AM’ kinda pics…

    Also often just the single profile pic of him alone in his room that you can SEE he is taking, feels off putting to me.

    Oh boy I am feeling like a judgemental witch tonight…



  54.  #54Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Daria – #42:

    They are cute little creatures! 🙂 I wouldn’t feel disgusted by them either, I’d probably be observing them closely instead.



  55.  #55alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    i love about me that my first instinct was to start filing my nails. 🙂

    when things get tough, goddesses make their nails pretty.



  56.  #56Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Today was the first day in one year that I made exactly zero sales at the shop. I feel so blah about this job now. And my boss was there too all the while, which didn’t help things. I feel I have to play a role with her all the time now. It’s exhausting.

    I so want to quit this boring job.

    Thank goodness I’m going to be with my sweetie as of 20h30 tomorrow night, that’s a great picker upper! Woohoo!



  57.  #57Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    AG – *like* 🙂



  58.  #58Susan on September 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    RE: 50: Lyka

    Thank you for letting me know you liked it! That means a lot to me!



  59.  #59Wildflower on September 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Hi ladies. I feel so comforted to see you all here tonight. I’m back in Europe. I’ve been gone for over two months so I’m feeling kind of out of sorts and kind of lonely so it feels nice to see some familiar “faces” on the blog 🙂



  60.  #60Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    So, my NVs are in FULL FORCE today.

    I figure it must be at least partly hormonal. But yet…it’s all to do with my business mostly. And somewhat relationships. But I haven’t been on too many dates recently. I thought I was taking a “guy-atus.” I haven’t been able to go completely off-line, though (more on that later;)

    But, I’m just feeling so ucky. I’m feeling like, in the last week, I’ve lost two (potential) clients – for massage, I mean. Of course, I guess they are not necessarily ideal clients. I like it when people call me ahead of time to schedule things. These were both last-minute, “I need a massage now!!” people. Those clients always stress me out a little bit. If I’m going to fit them in, then I have to pull strings and make things happen – the same as I would for a normal appointment, but I don’t have as much time to prepare. And I like to prepare and be relaxed for the people that I work with.

    Also (this isn’t for every client like this, just some) – if you’ve neglected your body and suddenly everything becomes frozen and stiff and you can’t move, it is not necessarily my job to rearrange my life so that I can massage you. My job, the way I see it, is to help you when you are in pain, but my schedule is not open to you 24/7. And I would much rather help you when you are in a little pain – not mind-numbing, excruciating trauma – because then I’ll be able to do a lot more to help you from GETTING to that place of mind-numbing, excruciating trauma. Oy.

    But that wasn’t my point. My point was, I started to feel all “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not worthwhile,” “My work isn’t important,” “I’m not a good therapist.” I was feeling those things because the first person (a) was in so much pain that I actually couldn’t work on them. When I called a few days later, he said he’d been to a chiropractor and he felt fine – didn’t need a massage. Then it felt like, “ooh, chiropractors are better than me. My work isn’t valuable.” Yuck. Then, there was a woman who emailed me yesterday. I was unavailable when the message came in, but I emailed her back anyway. And it was too late. She “found someone else.”

    But just last week, I had a client call me and book with me. After her appointment, I asked why she had chosen me out of the other practitioners at the space, and she said, “You were the first to call me back.” So sometimes up, sometimes down.

    It’s a lot like, in relationships, where just a little nudge one way or another can make a difference. You didn’t necessarily do anything “wrong.” You just weren’t available at the right time, or something struck someone the wrong way.

    I know it’s not a competition. I’m just feeling the pressure right now of making my business work. And so every client I either lose or don’t get feels like it hurts. 🙁 But it happens. It’s a part of the biz, I guess.

    *sigh*

    Thanks for letting me vent!



  61.  #61Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Susan – # 57:

    I really appreciated that you took the time to think and write about it. It’s awesome and your interpretation sounds so real and true. Have you taken any training in dream interpretation or does it come to you naturally?



  62.  #62tinque on September 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Hello Mary – Thank you for the lovely compliments.

    You’ve been on my mind lately. I will write you and tell you why.

    xxoo



  63.  #63Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Tmizz – #59:

    From what I can gather from your post, there probably was nothing you could do about the first patient as he/she was in too much pain.

    As for the second one, well, you can’t be at two places at the same time, now can you?

    Don’t be too hard on yourself, I’m sure things will work out fine for you. You might get more clients from word of mouth from your actual clients. People will always need a good massage as they do a good haircut. And I’m positive you’re a talented massotherapist.



  64.  #64Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    In my CDating world, there’s not much news.

    Update on the RoBoat expedition: there isn’t one. But what I’ve decided about that is, if he’s rowing the boat away from me, then he’s doing me a favor. Maybe, after meeting him again, he was able to see what I saw after being with him the first time: There were some things that felt really good about being with him. But that was mainly chemistry. I didn’t necessarily see how I was going to survive and be happy in a relationship with him long-term. It didn’t matter how many trips to Hawaii he offered me. I wanted to feel better, physically.

    Most of my other CDs have faded out somewhere also. And if I had a hand in pushing them away, then I don’t mind that, either. In fact, I had an insight the other day, realizing that it’s possible I only “chase” guys I don’t really want anyway. Why? Because when they are coming toward me, it feels so good – they want me, but I don’t want them. When they are going away from me, I might chase them, not because I want them. But because I want to restore that balance of having a man who wants me who I’m considering – if not actively – rejecting. I would rather do the rejecting than be rejected. Who wouldn’t? But the thing is, if I really, truly, like a guy, then I *don’t* want to chase him..and I don’t feel the need.

    But anyway…

    Mainly I feel at peace.

    But that’s also probably largely due to the lack of guys in my immediate vicinity. Sometimes I think I just can’t handle it. Sometimes I think it’s too hard. Sometimes I think I’ll never learn to communicate, and I’ll never find a guys who:

    a) understands me
    b) appreciates me
    c) likes me
    d) loves me
    e) I can talk to
    f) I want to be around

    When it comes to guys, often I feel like a freak. You know, like a hold-over from middle-school awkwardness. I feel like the worst reject of the “girl” pile. I feel like the girl who’s got something wrong on every side. The dog chewed this corner. The writing’s all smudged. You can’t see the picture. The middle is oozing out over there. And she’s so broken and used up, who would want her anyway?

    And even though I look real good, all packaged and nice; sooner or later, they are going to find out that I’m just damaged, used goods, and I never even worked all that properly to begin with…

    At the same time, I feel all siren and goddessy.

    How is this possible??

    I must be pms-ing. lol



  65.  #65Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    You might not know that (well, of course you don’t, as I’m just letting you know now!) but I’ve been thinking about how to the word “feel” in French. Some things sound so much better in English, when I try to put them in my own language, they just don’t feel as powerful.

    For example, I can’t really translate “I feel uncomfortable” (je ne me sens pas comfortable) – I would probably say “I am uncomfortable” (je ne suis pas comfortable) as it sounds better in French and that’s mostly how we say it here. But does it have the same weight and power? Does anybody here speak French? If so, could you give me examples how you express yourself in “la langue de Molière”?

    Another example is “I feel love”, there’s just no way to translate that so that it means what it’s supposed to mean.

    Thanks!

    The only one I have no problem with is “I feel good with you” (je me sens bien avec toi). That one sounds so nice! 🙂

    I sometimes speak in English to my sweetie but he always asks me to translate it into French! lol!



  66.  #66Ella on September 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Just had a very flirty time with 3 different men on FB…

    Yay, I feel happy and smily.

    Way to change up my mood

    Very Happy 🙂



  67.  #67Emoticon on September 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    I speak some french Lyka and I usually add force to get mens attention to what I’m saying by adding “du tout”. Not really what you might b going 4 but hey!



  68.  #68Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    No, that’s a good idea! Thanks, Emoticon! And you just gave me an idea of what to say when I will use positive FMs.

    I speak French from Quebec as opposed to French from France, we have a lot slang words to choose from.



  69.  #69tinque on September 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Lyka – I speak French, and just as in English, it sounds weird, feels weird at first. You really can’t say anything other then je t’aime, and that’s okay. But for everything else, it takes practice and getting used to the new “strange” way of expressing yourself.

    xxoo



  70.  #70tinque on September 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    And just as in in English, you don’t have to use I feel for each and every thing. You can mix it up if this feels more comfortable to you, especially in the beginning.

    xxoo



  71.  #71AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    I am home from the doctor’s office, he was pretty thorough and I was much suprised since last time the experience was bad. So he took xrays and blood and the whole shabang. I have no fractures in my back and I have to go back in a week. Not that I did think it was fractured but I do think I will know more once an MRI is done. So we shall see he said rest gave me something for pain and muscle relaxers. It helps take edge off but being in pain is not fun. He did tell me in a nice way to lose weight. It felt bad hearing it but only because I knew it was true. I feel like a fat azz, I gained 50 lbs since 2009. Yuck! I do not feel like a goddess well maybe I do but a plump one! Whaaa, no CD’s, no money, cannot work, too plump. I am just feeling down on myself today. I would be lying if I said I am happy fighting inner demons.



  72.  #72AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    what does it mean when it says your comment is awaiting moderation?



  73.  #73luzydel on September 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    So again I am seeing Mr. Nice cd Tomorrow…he is the first guy I don’t feel like chasing, nor pushing away, so there is something to “experiment” though I also like him, so he is NOT just an experiment.

    There is another guy who wrote me back from POF, he wants to meet for coffee, but I feel he has fake pictures because they all look different and faded. I feel very angry and frustrated when I meet a man who doesn’t look like his pictures and the date usually last 20 minutes lol.

    I like that Mr.NiceCD keeps planning the dates etc. I feel afraid of falling for him in a way that he end up running away, but then again I know I will recover if that happens. No more men i the horizon besides the usual flirting I do around and while driving… 🙂



  74.  #74alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    so the best i could do was say “i feel very cold and businesslike after introducing this new factor. is ok. just less enjoyable.”

    i actually feel furious and turned off. but i don’t think my saying that will build any bridges. not at this beginning stage of a business relationship.

    but i needed to say Something. Just to let him know it’s not all chummy between us like he had made it seem like it was going to be. it’s business. so my perspective on it is completely different now and i am not so committed to this as i originally was. If something else comes up better, then good for me. for now, i will enjoy this.

    i am circular dating in the business aspect of my life too.

    he’s not committed to me. i am not committed to him.



  75.  #75alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    but i rocked it. 😀



  76.  #76Ella on September 8, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Hmmm, feeling very triggered around my b,day celebrations and whether people are going to turn up and what it means about me if they do/don’t.

    I sometimes wonder why I put myself in these positions.

    Well, I guess it is cus I wanted to have a party and have lots of people around me having fun, locally, with music that I like…

    Ah, ok. Well I guess I can have that no matter how many people show up cus I know my select few besties will be there… so I suppose really that is all that matters.

    I’ve just got lots of NVs showing up and pics in my head of me in a big empty room with music playing and no friends!

    Lol… aww bless me… so sweet.

    It doesn’t matter Ella.

    Anyway want to switch this pic in my head.

    Throw out these NVs.

    First of all IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE SHOW UP!

    Second I just want to have fun with people I like and not worry about it and third I want to switch this pic in my head to a room full of people having fun and dnacing.

    Cool, just everyone having fun, laughing, messing around and dancing to the music.

    Thats it.

    Ok, I can do this…

    Waterwheel, waterwheel.

    Owww, its just occured to me, this is just another deliscious, triggering situation to practice with!

    Yay. Thank you. I love my chance to practice.

    I feel afraid of being unloved and unpopular.

    Thats ok, I love my unloved and unpopular feelings!

    Mwah (kissing them) and one CD has promised to come and give me a b,day kiss. So that can feel nice.



  77.  #77Ella on September 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Tmizz re 63,

    Hugs!

    “When it comes to guys, often I feel like a freak. You know, like a hold-over from middle-school awkwardness. I feel like the worst reject of the “girl” pile. I feel like the girl who’s got something wrong on every side. The dog chewed this corner. The writing’s all smudged. You can’t see the picture. The middle is oozing out over there. And she’s so broken and used up, who would want her anyway?”

    I sometimes feel like this too… and you know what I LOVE the sound of all that stuff about you, sounds so unique!

    And I don’t like ‘perfect’ people one bit. I much prefer the broken, used up, smudged, oozing ones! Seriously.

    And I bet guys are the same too.

    They don’t want to be bored with miss perfect, yawn, boring!

    Honestly.

    You (and me) are juicy. messy, real, authentic, Goddess Sirens, with oozing out middles.

    Woohoo!

    🙂

    Your post actually made me feel really good and like ‘awww’ towards you.

    And also you know what oozy, messy and broken is also more exciting and sexy!

    🙂

    xoxox



  78.  #78Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    @64: Lyka says:
    “…Does anybody here speak French? If so, could you give me examples how you express yourself in “la langue de Molière”?
    …I sometimes speak in English to my sweetie but he always asks me to translate it into French! lol!…”

    Plum speaks French! And she wrote a brilliant post discussing usage of “feel” and “smell” which I was exploring. It was a few threads back. Maybe she’ll come back and link to it or add to that discussion. It was very interesting.

    IMHO, it’s most important whichever words we choose to express what is going on inside of us do just that and such words not be used in an unreal way to blame, manipulate, guess about or mind read someone else.

    I’m happy to see you have a “sweetie” too. I think mine has progressed to “Sweetie Babe.”

    😀

    xoxo



  79.  #79Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    uh-oh… I’m in moderation but I have no idea why…
    Is Sweetie Babe OK to say?????

    Will this go to moderation too???

    😥



  80.  #80Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    😳
    Je me sens très mal parce que mon commentaire est “dans la modération.”



  81.  #81tinque on September 8, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Je me sens heureuse…

    xxoo



  82.  #82AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Ok if I am 31 and this CD is 23 is that just too young? I mean we talk about age here right? Is this an issue? Like sometimes I think it would never work longterm so why bother. He is sweet, caring and interesting so should I practice? HELP



  83.  #83AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    You know we can CD sure, why is it we get hung up on a man that doesn’t deserve our love? I mean I ran from this guy initially it is what I do. I don’t like to get hurt, my little girl gets scared. So he kept on contacting me, emails..chat. He made me notice him and then when I gave my heart he stomped it. Like why didnt you just let me walk away. What was the intention? It made me stronger but the lesson was hard. I am angry at me for letting any man take advantage, I am a goddess duhh..!! Uggh reflecting



  84.  #84Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    @52: Ella says:
    “…Hmmm, what are you up to?
    I feel muchas curious!…”

    Thanks Ella, I’m exploring online dating… can’t do all the “field work” myself. I like to see how a variety of people react and express. I see strange things in ads and profiles, guys who write such things as you mentioned and other things such as…

    telling women “not to waste” his time, or saying he “doesn’t need to be on the dating site” or he “wants to replace his lover” or he’s “tired of drama” or “tired of women playing games.” These words seem so unattractive.

    I wonder if the guys writing these things ever take a close look at what they write and would find it attractive if a woman wrote similar. Also, I’m curious how many women respond to this, and what they like to read.

    😀

    xoxo



  85.  #85Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    I’m curious as always. What do the sirens like to see in men’s profiles? And what would you like to see in the initial e-mail contact?

    xoxo



  86.  #86Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    @79: tinque says:
    “…Je me sens heureuse…”

    Je suis triste.

    xoxo



  87.  #87AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    @83 You know I tried to think about it and I could only think of what I don’t like. The red flags!



  88.  #88Kayla on September 8, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Hey Sirens, it’s been a few weeks since I have been on here so I figured I would update you.. Well as you know I was officially in a relationship almost a month ago.. My boyfriend and I normally see each other every day and if we don’t he calls me to see if we can make plans for the next day. Well last weekend I left town and was gone for about four days… We haven’t seen eachother for about a week. . . He has called me almost every day since but he hasn’t really tried making any effort to see me, although this is only the second day I have been back. . . I feel scared for some reason, I feel as though he will not call tonight even though he usually does every night. I feel upset at myself for feeling scared about this.. I think I am going to go pamper myself for a while, that sounds good to me (: Any advice anyone? Thanks.



  89.  #89tinque on September 8, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    pourquoi?

    xxoo



  90.  #90AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    @86 Pampering yourself is a great way to go! Maybe these are just Negative voices?



  91.  #91Emoticon on September 8, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    I think it is so cool that we are speaking French on here!!

    J’adore le Français!

    Je suis vraiment passionnée par le Français!



  92.  #92Kayla on September 8, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    @87:
    Maybe so but they are making me feel pretty crappy ):



  93.  #93Ice Princess on September 8, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    Been there Kayla! Not a good feeling to have. Definitely do things for you and I bet he will call soon.



  94.  #94Violet on September 8, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Hello Sirs and Sirens,

    I would appreciate feedback on this.
    I am very hard on myself. Does anyone know of tools I can use to diminish this?
    I feel that being this way is a result of insecurities.

    I realize that until I can love and accept myself completely, I won’t be able to love and accept a man completely.

    I feel like I’m at odds with myself in so many ways.

    Here’s some background that might bring light as to why I am this way…..

    My parents separated when I was too young to remember either one of them. My father took me, however, I don’t think he had the wherewith all to care for me.

    So, I ended up being moved from home to hom. I must have lived in 4-5 different homes growing up. Good things happened, bad things happened.

    I felt unwanted… like, why am I being sent away? Is there something about me they didn’t like? Don’t they love me?

    The bottom line is that there was no sense of security. I don’t remember learning how to create boundaries.

    I put up a wall to prevent myself from getting too attached. I feel unconfident and shy, yet I overcompensate by being outgoing. That is my deflective shield.

    I long so much to be loved for who I am. Someone isn’t going to magically see beyond the wall and know my heart. Although… I know two men that can. I’m not attracted to either one of them.

    Would someone provide feedback on tools I can use to not be so hard on myself?

    Thank you,

    ~ Violet ~



  95.  #95LobbyStar on September 8, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    You know, I am so glad I found Rori and this place and learned about CDating.

    I had plans this weekend with my lawyer CD, who I’ve been dating for over 2 months, and he canceled on me. In the past, this would have upset me a lot, but when it happened this time, I thought, “Cool, I can make plans with someone else!” And that’s exactly what I did.

    So I have a date on Friday night with a CD I’ve met once before, and I’m meeting a new CD on Saturday. Monday, I have plans with yet another newbie. And lawyer CD will just have to wait his turn in my rotation! Hahah!

    I love this new me! Life is so much less stressful.



  96.  #96lm on September 8, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    hey sirens!!

    i posted this on the last post, but English Woman suggested i post it here as well…

    I wonder if anyone else has an issue with not finding guys attractive.

    I left my ex of three years for a variety of reasons. I work with him and still have to see him every day. I still feel very attracted to him physically. I am cding and started months before I left him. I feel awesome. My job is great. My friends are amazing. I have my own home and several amazing creative projects going on.

    I feel proud to have taken care of myself and left a bad relationship. My challenge now is around attraction to men…I don’t feel any! I feel almost numb around men who aren’t my ex.

    Does anyone have any advice? I feel sad. I miss being turned on, but the only man who does it for me is really really uncaring.



  97.  #97Sweetpea on September 8, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    FW:

    Thank you for post #10. I read that awhile b ack and it’s had a hug e impact on me – but I really needed the refresher right now.

    Recently I looked in the mirror – saw my little bit of tummy & thought it was cute. The last week or so, I lost my grip on that a little and thanks to you, I feel great about it again.

    Soo…thanks!



  98.  #98Sweetpea on September 8, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    FW:

    Thank you for post #10. I read that awhile back and it’s had a huge impact on me – but I really needed the refresher right now.

    Recently I looked in the mirror – saw my little bit of tummy & thought it was cute. The last week or so, I lost my grip on that a little and thanks to you, I feel great about it again.

    Soo…thanks!



  99.  #99English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    #92 Lobbystar

    So cool!! You go girl!! 😀



  100.  #100English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    #82 SLV

    I get really turned off by the bitter profiles, you know they have been cheated on and so forth, it’s very unattractive.

    And I am not a spelling Nazi, but those inarticulate profiles and emails with lots of spelling errors and grammar turn me off too LOL!!

    Also why do so many men take a photo of themselves in front of a mirror with their phone? AND usually with no shirt on, well that’s the young ‘uns usually……or lots of pics of their dogs and/or cats, like that’s all they have to offer……like Pets Are Us!!

    And in my case, oh the old, old men………sorry but I am not ready for God’s waiting room just yet…….:-D

    No wonder I am on my own, see how picky I am LOL!! Well I am a bloody Goddess, what do you expect LOL!!!



  101.  #101Sweetpea on September 8, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    I’m, re: 93 – I’m going through something similar at the moment. The funny thing is, I feel like I really had a breakthrough tonight after reading the last post (Ella’s dilemma).

    I dated a guy last year who told me he was going to “steal my heart.” I laughedsat him when he said it, but I’ll be damned if he didn’t. It’s taken me nearly a year, but about a month ago, I realized that I still love him – and that’s ok. A part of me will probably always love him but it doesn’t MEAN anything. I don’t have to be with him just because I love him. He’s a wonderful friend, we have great times and share lots of laughs and I enjoy being with him, but he’s just not a good fit for me and where I see myself and my life. So that’s the first part of the story.

    Part II is that I’ve been chatting with a guy from okc since…probably March. By this time, I never really expected to meet him or for anything to develop from this, but he’s really upbeat and supportive of me so I kept chatting with him and enjoying his emails. He always knew the right thing to say to add a ray of sunshine to my day and I felt like I could say things to him that I wouldn’t open up to a lot of people about. Well…he finally asked me out and we went on our first date Saturday night. I was feeling quite siren-y and pretty laissez faire about the whole thing, but apparently he’s really feeling it. He made out with me in the parking lot (which I felt very uncomfortable with and told him so – but he’s a GREAT kisser!!! Lol). We went on a lunch date today – he walked me to my car & again, grabbed me and started kissing me! In broad daylight!! I had to go to work and he had to go pick his kids up from school, so I feel a little confused by it, but that’s neither here nor there, but…

    I was sitting here tonight wondering what’s up with me. I really like this guy and obviously it’s pretty mutual, but I’m not feeling any overwhelming passion toward him and then it hit me! I’m thinking too far ahead. I’m falling into the trap that Rori’s attempting to break us all of, I think – of, is he the one? Do I want him to be the one? Can I handle him being the one? And what about “the other one?” So as usual, I consulted the blog – and came across Ella’s dilemma and thought, “that’s it!” It doesn’t matter!!!! I’m jumping way too far ahead of myself. I’ve got my guard up with this guy because I feel unsure of what I want when what I really need is to just BE in the moment – stay in the now. Whether or not I have a future with him isn’t the issue. Thinking about it just makes me feel freaked out and throws my vibe off. So if I keep thinking too far ahead, it will become a moot point, bc he won’t be around any longer anyway. I need to just chill, get on my bridge and let whatever is going to happen, happen. And mostly, I need to trust myself that whatever does happen, I’ll be able to handle it. It’s all about taking care of me. So I ask myself, “does he meet your needs?” Right now, yes he does. I feel fantastic around him. And that’s all that matters. The future will take care of itself.

    This is my experience, and may not be where you’re at right now, but what I got from your post is that you’re still fighting your feelings for your ex because you know he’s not right for you right now. What I leasrned is that it’s ok to love someone who’s not what you’re looking for. You have plenty of love to go around. Let your guard down – stick a toe in the pool of letting yourself care for someone else…the water’s fine.

    Hope this helps!



  102.  #102alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    eiiiyy.

    well i can only do what i can do.

    sorry, dude, you caught me in the “authentic” phase of my life.

    it is what it is. if it works it works.

    my priority is me. and taking care of me and making each decision MOMENT TO MOMENT with my best interests in mind BASED ON HOW I FEEL.

    good things come to me. if it’s not this, it will be something even better. i feel quite confident.

    i can and will let my FEELINGS guide me in every SINGLE area of my life. every single moment. my feelings are my compass.

    and happy, my friend, leads to more happy.

    thank you.



  103.  #103Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    Ouais, le Français! 🙂

    Okay, my French isn’t all that good. Spoken is better than writing. But I still love it. J’aime la France! Can I come visit? No, actually, can I just live there?? Thanks!! xoxo



  104.  #104Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    Ella – Thank you!

    What you wrote was so nice, it made me start to tear up, as I was reading it while riding the bus. 🙂

    You know it’s so funny. I feel the same way about other people – that they’re perfect just the way they are, even (especially!) when they have something “broken” about them. It makes them more interesting! For some reason, it’s harder to see myself that way. But I’m working on it!



  105.  #105Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    I had a really interestingly eye-opening siren moment in my dance class tonight. I want try and to explain it here, but i think it will take up just too much space…suffice it to say that it really made me think about being in my “boy energy” vs. my “girl energy.” How being in girl REALLY IS so much about “feeling things in your body.” Rori isn’t kidding!!!!!!!! lol

    (oh, and dancing and moving your body is awesome! Yay!)



  106.  #106Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    @ Violet #91

    So much of what you wrote just spoke to me, so I wanted to just take a moment and, virtually, place my hand on your heart and acknowledge it.

    Literally, just this morning, I was working on this very issue. Well, I’m working on it every day. But this morning was special.

    You and I have different backgrounds, but it looks like we came out of it with some of the same “stuff”: walls around our heart, blocks to love and happiness, a sense of insecurity and fear, especially around relationship/intimacy, and wanting to be loved and truly seen for who you are.

    Going back to that “loving yourself” part (the part where you can’t truly love and accept a man until you do that for yourself)….

    My beautiful experience this morning was this: I stood there, in my yard, and I just thought about “who I am.” As in, without the trappings of accomplishments, or deeds, or grades, or jobs, or anything. Just me. That core, central spirit, which, maybe it doesn’t even have words. I can even see it and not have to give it any type of name.

    I was in tears when I did this.

    Think about other people and their “them-ness” first, if that helps, and then try thinking about yourself that way. What is your “you-ness”? Feel the quality of being You.

    Just try it. I am by no means claiming my own perfection in this, or any department. But it sounds like you are in a similar place to where I am at the moment. And this seemed to help me. Maybe it won’t change things instantly. But I think starting with just Seeing Yourself, maybe it can start the process for others to to see you as well.

    In the mean time, lots and lots of hugs, and good vibes to your beautiful heart. xoxo

    T.



  107.  #107Tmizz on September 8, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    Okay, just one more post and then I’m done for the night. Promise!

    So, in addition to chopping my bangs (the look so good!) yesterday, I did two other fun things. 1) I signed up for a dating website for Indian/South Asian people. Ha! I am in no way Indian. I just keep going out with all these Indian guys so I was like, Heck, why not? and then, 2) I went swimming in the ocean at sunset. ..actually, it was after sunset. Dusk.

    I just stripped down to my suit and walked straight in. It was perfect. Afterward, it appeared I had an audience. Two men came up and talked to me!



  108.  #108English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    It’s all too easy to decide a certain man isn’t for you – we make such quick judgments from those first impressions. And if you’re on Plenty Of Fish, you might think that there’s plenty of choice, which means you shouldn’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t measure up.

    But giving a man a chance isn’t settling – it’s opening yourself up to the man who may ultimately be right for you. Here’s why…

    MAKING SNAP JUDGEMENTS MEANS YOU COULD MISS YOUR MR. RIGHT

    Remember Charlotte and Harry on Sex and The City? The bald, sweaty, often brusque man was not Charlotte’s ideal suitor by any stretch of the imagination. If Charlotte had met Harry at a bar and he had asked her out, she probably would have rejected him out right. But, as you may know, Harry was Charlotte’s lawyer, so by default she was spending more and more time with him. Before she knew it, she was swept away by the “wrong” guy who was absolutely right for her and adored her like no other. Likewise, the perfect guy for you might not come in the package you’ve imagined… but you won’t know that unless you give him a chance.

    The other thing to remember is that you wouldn’t want a man to make a snap judgment about you. Think about the times a man has written you off without taking the time to discover all the wonderful things about you. So, if you find yourself thinking “he’s too this” or “he’s too that,” stop and ask the very same questions about yourself. Are you the perfect height? The most desirable weight? Are you without flaws yourself? Remember that any man who dates you will also have to overlook your “imperfections”… and focus instead on what makes you who you are.

    YOU COULD BE SHORT-CIRCUITING YOUR CHANCES FOR TRUE LOVE

    Every single man who comes into your life – regardless of how long he stays or what kind of an impact he makes – will teach you something you need to know to get you to the next stage of your love life… and help you identify the right man when he does show up.

    Maybe this new man will turn into the best guy friend you ever had, maybe he’ll open your eyes to parts of you that are more attractive than you’ve ever considered. Or maybe there’s something about him that will clue you in to something you need in a man.

    Ask yourself: is there something I need to find out here? For instance, maybe he’s an artist and you’ve only dated business-type guys, and this guy shows you how to appreciate the sensitive side in a man. Or it could be that this new man treats you so well that you’ll realize you deserve so much more than what you’ve been settling for.

    BREAK THE PATTERNS OF YOUR PAST… AND FIND TRUE LOVE

    If you’ve been making bad choices in your love life until now – if you’ve had your heart broken too often or you seem to pick the same kind of men who aren’t good for you – then you need to let a man grow on you in a different way. You need to learn to feel the pleasure of being loved and appreciated by a good man. And the only way to do that is to push yourself past your usual comfort zones and give different kinds of guys a chance – namely, the men who are pursuing you.

    Here’s a quick little exercise that will open your eyes: write down the qualities you’re looking for in a guy, then write down the qualities of the last four guys you dated. Are they similar? Are you repeating a pattern? Only by expanding your view of what constitutes a worthy date will you finally be able to break the patterns that have been holding you back.

    Before you write off a new man, give him six dates. Yes, six (unless he makes you feel uncomfortable or is disrespectful.) But if you find him pleasant enough, look past the initial lack of fireworks and simply spend time with him on a get-to-know-you basis. Forget the pressure of dating, and just get to know another human being. True chemistry only happens over time and when you feel safe with someone; this is the kind of chemistry that stands the test of time and plants the seed for a lifelong romance.

    RR (as I logged off POF :))



  109.  #109Starla on September 8, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    a dear friend passed away

    he had a heart infection he didnt know about and died suddenly at 27.

    i told cd 1 i couldn’t call him as promised bcuz of it, and he offered his support, but i couldn’t take it. i felt unworthy. yet i wanted it so bad. just felt too terrified to say anything. i drew it out over text messages trying to find the courage to just say yes, be here for me. but something stopped me. i felt like a manipulator or something. like i was more focused on getting comfort than my grief for my friend.

    so i guess now what i’m seeing is that i feel guitly about wanting to feel relief from this sadness. and it has nothing to do with boys and girls.

    so now i’m all alone with my grief, as he has said goodnight and has to get up in like 4 or 5 hours.

    that’s okay. i guess this is what happens with death. you cry and cry until you’re done, and sometimes you think you’re done and then u cry some more, maybe for a day or a week or a month or a year.

    this just feels so new to me. i haven’t felt this sad and close to death in my whole life.



  110.  #110English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    #106 Starla

    Awww big {{{{{ HUGS }}}}} that is so sad to hear about your friend. I have no words of wisdom here but just know that people do really care.



  111.  #111alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    #106 starla i feel for you. i feel supportive for you to feel your grief and allowing yourself to receive support and comfort from those around you.

    death can be so confusing and heartbreaking for the living. your friend is ok though. he is ok. this i believe.

    i feel crying and i feel surprised and unsure why. anyway i just want to offer ((((starla))))) hug.



  112.  #112Lyka on September 9, 2011 at 2:57 am

    Tinque – #68-69:

    Obviously, I won’t be using it every single time I speak to him but I want to see what difference it will make if/when I do.

    SLV – #77:

    That would be “en modération”.

    Tmizz – #100:

    LOL! That was funny! 🙂



  113.  #113Lyka on September 9, 2011 at 3:15 am

    Sweetpea – #98:

    You are describing my exact situation. The very same thing happened to me with my sweetie when I first met him – I was already imagining the future and got scared. But I caught myself and everything’s fine now.

    I hate that saying but I really took it one day at a time (as if we could lived two days at a time – duh!).



  114.  #114Lyka on September 9, 2011 at 3:25 am

    Starla, I’m so sorry about your loss. I’m not so good either at offering words of wisdoms but I hope you can feel my sympathy and support from where you are.

    (((hugs)))



  115.  #115Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:57 am

    hugs Starla



  116.  #116Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:59 am

    i was thinking of my friend who passed away right now too and maybe i dreamed about him. thinking about death came up last nite



  117.  #117Lilybelly on September 9, 2011 at 4:00 am

    106:

    (((((((Starla))))))))



  118.  #118Daria on September 9, 2011 at 4:03 am

    i dreamt i was with a friend of my sis’s agian

    and we wanted to mine some salt from a quarry

    but it turned out they only had convicts mining it

    so we had to sign up and it felt kinda scary cuz we ddn’t want to be mistaken for convicts and kept there

    and then we were talking to some girls there

    and Getright was part of it and he was released i think

    and one time at lunch a parole officer told us that she was actually cousins with him she found out they had the same grandfather

    and we were looking for him to tell him

    and before we even worked in the salt quarry we were chillin in some project houses and they were pretty with flowers and stuff

    and i wantd to live there



  119.  #119Lilybelly on September 9, 2011 at 4:05 am

    113:

    I have been too, Daria.

    I’m afraid my ex-h is very, very sick and the future looks quite serious. I have been and continue to be so scared, mostly for our son. I am not sure how to help him through what is coming. Especially, when I am so unbelievably scared.

    We won’t know anything for certain until the end of October but it is serious enough that I am thinking about what my son and I will do. I know that I will be okay, but him….if he loses his dad, well…I can’t even think about it.

    I have been crying for a days..



  120.  #120Daria on September 9, 2011 at 4:16 am

    Lyka – i speak a language that formulates differently than English… and it feels uncomfortable to use feel… i’m still doing it though and it feels great to be able to.

    I feel kinda scared to share about this…

    “Je ne me sens pas comfortable” … is that so bad?

    I often use ‘feel’ in my language and it may not be common or gramatically ideal, and sometimes people even try to correct me (“we don’t say I feel, we say I am”)

    and I just feel amused cuz i know what I’m doing. And then I’ve noticed them later sharing more of Their feelings too!

    So how i get around it for example… for cold.

    I say “i feel I am cold”

    like in french:

    “Je sens que j’ai froid.”

    redundant…? sure

    gets into my feelings, feels soft, and creates romantic connection? yup 🙂

    even in English, many people don’t say I feel cold. They will rather say I’m cold. So saying ‘feel’ is changing things there as well.



  121.  #121Daria on September 9, 2011 at 4:17 am

    Lilybelly – he will be ok too, no matter what. and so will you.

    EFT can really help with this and the feelings around it now, with a good practitioner, even in one session.

    I don’t know who to recommend to you, my favorite one has gone MIA…

    but there are many on the net



  122.  #122Daria on September 9, 2011 at 4:25 am

    Violet – aww… the way I practiced not being hard on myself… and it worked… is to become aware of the way I talked to myself.

    Whenever I was putting myself down, or scolding myself, or even pushing myself, and saying “you have to…” … I stop, and instead imagine a lil girl me and hold her and hug her.

    At first it felt scary and it seemed she didn’t trust me but after awhile it started changing and becoming easier.

    And yes, there was a lot to Do at first, as this was my usual way of communicating with me.

    Checkout Innerbonding.com , there is a lot of awesome stuff on how to be gentle with yourself throughout.



  123.  #123Daria on September 9, 2011 at 4:26 am

    I meant talked to myself in my head…



  124.  #124Lyka on September 9, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Daria, no it isn’t bad to say “je ne me sens pas comfortable” but people don’t tend to use the word “sens” in that context. I know I don’t. It’s just something I’ll have to get used to.

    I’ll try and see how often people use the word “sens” from now on around here.



  125.  #125AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 5:59 am

    Hello sirens, I had a question I listed above, I am just curious your opinion. I am 31 and there is a guy who is 22.He is smitten on me I believe and he is very sweet and caring and sexy. I look at his situation and mine and just know we would never be anything long term. So should I practice and still have him as a CD? Then I feel why bother….I dunno, He text me nice messages that made me feel good. One said when do I get to see that pretty face. Another said I have been bored lately I need some AmazingMe in my life. Really sweet so he wants to see me and I said well maybe we can cook dinner and watch a movie or something. He said that would be amazing, lol…I was blushing it is quite flattering and cute. What does one do?? Daria..FW…anyone??



  126.  #126Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 5:59 am

    Lilybelle my prayers are with your family. I understand how devastating it can be for a child to lose a parent. I have seen it happen in the past. The most I can encourage you to do is to try to be aware of your own emotions so you can be able to touch your sons in areas that no one else can. He will need to know that you can be there for him.

    I have a 55 year old friend who lost his father when he was a teenager. He recently came back into my life and he frequently talks about how deeply affected he was but he has fond memories of his dad and the life lessons he taught him.

    It will not be a walk in the park for your son but with the amazing growth and emotional maturity you have achieved over last couple of months I am sure you will find the strength to help him through the difficulty.



  127.  #127Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:03 am

    AmazingMe

    It sounds to me like he makes you feel good about yourself. He is giving you clues about what you need to feel loved in a relationship. Being with him could only uncover more clues about yourself so I would spend time with him but I would kindly let him know how I feel, both about now and the future, depending on things that he says. If he wants to be physical I would prepare something to say I am comfortable with, I doubt he would be put off by it.



  128.  #128AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 6:05 am

    FW yes Thank You that is true I could really tune in to what I want. I like that!



  129.  #129Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:10 am

    AmazingMe

    Regarding the cooking I wouldn’t go there if I was you. It is showing you that you might be prone to DO things for guys. Also if not already established, it could start a pattern of overfunctioning that you could carry in a future relationship that could be meaningful to you. If so then you would end up struggling to break the pattern in order for that relationship to work. The thing that came to me was why not make popcorn and pretend together that you are in a movie theater, that is most likely what you would get if you go there. You could even have him bring over the microwaveable kind if you have a microwave. In any event if that’s what he wants he will create the occasion to get what he needs. Did he suggest that?

    When do I get to see that pretty face? “oooh I feel so flattered and gigly thank you.”

    I feel so bored – I would use the opportunity to share with him how what I have been doing in my life helps me to feel.

    Let him take care of his own boredom. He might have been feeling that way at the moment he sent the text. That will likely change next time he contacts you. If not then he has to figure out what to do to get to see you.



  130.  #130Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:13 am

    Lyka many people here say “it is so cold I feel like I am freezing”.



  131.  #131AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 6:16 am

    Well I suggested that we cook together, so it was something to do together. A lil less costly and give a chance to learn more about one another. He made a comment he can cook. Yeah he said his life was boring and lame lately and that did not make me feel very good. Gave me a wierd vibe.



  132.  #132Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:22 am

    RE 107 ((((((((Hugs)))))))) Starla. So sad, so young.

    Regarding your response to your cd I see nothing wrong with it. It could be your fear trying to protect you from getting used as a result of the situation.

    It also read to me like you were demonstration emotional awareness and fitness because you were aware enough of the emotions bouncing around inside you at the moment and you made a conscious choice. A choice to feel grief for your friends passing rather than choosing to be comforted. This to me is honoring your feelings still. If however you were able to honor it in his presence, feel the grief and allow him to be the man in trying to fix the situation by accepting/receiving his offer of love the way he knows best in the situation, it could have possibly bonded you really close in this time of crisis. I believe difficult situations can really bond people closely. Also if a man can be with you in such loss when you would most likely be at your worst could really help a man qualify himself for the long term. That for me is real vulnerability on both ends.

    That being said I see nothing wrong with your choice in the situation. Today will present you with another choice because I feel confident that you are still on his mind and will be for a while because of this loss. You just might get another similar opportunity.



  133.  #133Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:26 am

    Yes AmazingMe because real mature men tend not to share their feelings. Also it might be because you ended up feeling like it was your responsibility to take care of his feelings. He is not your baby he can take care of those feelings himself.

    Also what I have experienced is that the more I share my feelings with men, the more comfortable they feel to share theirs with me. I had a colleague share yesterday that he was feeling like a doormat. I was shocked because it was the first time he shared any such thing after several years of knowing me. I just listened though and validated his feeling because I can understand where he is coming from. The thing is such sharing can drag us into sharing battle scars which might be okay in some relationships but will not build romance.



  134.  #134Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:27 am

    AmazingMe you suggesting the cooking is something I believe Rori would not encourage.



  135.  #135AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 6:32 am

    Yes @132 I didnt realize it until now I guess it would be over functioning. Yes I do not want to be responsible for cheering someone up or taking care of thier feelings. Is that mean? See I analyze it then I just get flustered and want to just forget it. Like when things seem complicated I just dont feel I have the time for it. I feel selfish for saying that.



  136.  #136Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Watching recap of the good wife!!



  137.  #137AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 6:34 am

    I think I am understanding myself a little better now. Why I don’t like showing my vulnerability is because like your friend FW, telling you that, it turns me off. Like that doesnt feel good to hear. So I don’t show my vulnerability in fear of putting someone off. AHA moment makes a little more sense!



  138.  #138Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:39 am

    Ladies, words are POWERFUL. And the words, the emotions, the messages you bring across to the men you meet actually DICTATES how he’s going to respond to you. Do you want him to respond to you in a positive way?

    Then learn the right things to say!

    ROMANTIC WORDS #1 – “JUST CURIOUS.”

    “What do you do for fun? Just curious.”
    “Are you single? Just curious.”
    …instantly, answering your question becomes SO MUCH EASIER for him! Without these two powerful words, your questions may come off as too forward.
    He might start thinking that you’re one of those needy, desperate women who rush into relationships with the first man who comes their way. But when you’re “just curious,” he’ll think you’re just that — just curious — and he gives you an answer!

    Practice saying these two words after your questions. It will help build the connection between you and him, and can lead to a longer, more satisfying conversation instead of the usual awkwardness that accompany most first dates!

    ROMANTIC WORDS #2 – “TELL ME MORE.”

    As you go on more and more dates with him, the conversation evolves. If you started out by talking about your jobs, your living arrangements, and your
    interests, then later on, you’ll start talking about your goals, your values, and your love life.

    This is where the phrase “tell me more” is at its most powerful.

    When he’s telling you the deeper, more intimate details of his life, he actually wants you to listen and
    appreciate him. And when you say, “Please tell me more,” then you show him that you’re genuinely
    interested in his life! And when he knows you’re interested, and when he knows that you actually value
    his views, he’s going to like you more and more.

    Conversation is a great way to build that deeper, more emotional bond that your budding relationship needs!

    ROMANTIC WORDS #3 – “HEY, HARD WORKER.”

    Before you comment on “Hey, hard worker,” let me explain for a bit! At the beginning of your relationship,
    it’s a good idea to compliment him lightly. A good way of doing this is by showing your approval of his appearance:
    “I love your suit!”
    “I like the color of your eyes.”
    “That’s a nice tie. You sure know your way around fashion!”

    Later on, though, as your conversations get deeper and more intimate, it’s a good idea to show your approval of the deeper things, too.

    For instance, if he’s an entrepreneur –“Hello, hard worker!”

    If he’s a fireman, policeman, or paramedic — “Hi, hero!”

    If he’s into community service — “I love how you spend so much of your time helping others. It’s so noble.”

    When your compliments move from the physical to the more emotional, it means that your relationship is maturing nicely.



  139.  #139Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:40 am

    This is from the latest email, I post yesterday but it is still in moderation. Trying again.

    Dear Mary,

    Mary, this is not over yet!

    This is going to be the most intense learning experience with a man you’ve ever had, because now you have my Tools to practice with. Please look at this as your opportunity to change your love life – right here, right now.

    I can hear your pain and frustration, and though I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation, I know from my own experience and the success of my clients that if you try the Tools, you’ll feel better.

    First, please promise yourself you will never again become exclusive with ANY man until he fully commits to you.

    That means you date other men up until he proposes. You don’t sleep with anyone else, but you go on coffee dates, lunch dates, out for fun, etc.

    This will keep you sane and feeling balanced. It will keep your self-esteem up, because you will be able to practice RECEIVING attention and affection from other men.

    You’ll be able to feel good just by noticing men everywhere being interested in you.

    The moment you shut the “flirty” part of you down (let’s call that part “Flirty Girl”), your man can feel it.

    And when he feels that you’ve shut down that part of you that attracts other men to you, you shift the Energy Exchange between you in a way that pretty much PUSHES HIM AWAY.

    I know that sounds weird.

    You’d think he’d be HAPPY that you’re now all content with him and focused on him. You’d think he’d feel relaxed now, and able to trust you.

    But that’s just not how it works.

    Trust comes from a deeper place that has to do with YOUR VULNERABILITY.

    It has absolutely nothing to do with you shutting your sexy, flirty self down out in the world.

    So, this is good news!

    If you’ve been thinking that he’ll trust you more if you shut yourself down out there, you’ve been making a mistake that you can quickly change – and truly help yourself!

    What actually happens is this: The moment he becomes your “one and only,” without his asking you (and remember – this is important – he has to ask you NOT in a “boyfriend” sort of way, but in a “wedding ring” way), he feels pressured.

    And as he feels pressured, all your insecurities and old patterns start to fight against your common sense.

    He almost instantly starts to move backward, away from you.

    And that kicks in your inner nasty voices and feelings of need and desperation, and so you automatically (if you’re anything like I was and like most of us women are instinctively), you feel compelled to move toward him.

    That looks like Leaning Forward when you’re talking to him, paying way too much attention to how he feels and what he’s doing, and trying to manage to see him and talk to him as much as possible.

    And he can FEEL all this.

    And it just sends him away.

    It sends him to the Land of “Just Friends.”

    So what you do now is backtrack.

    There are so many things to stop doing and to begin doing that will shift the Energy Exchange back to where it needs to be to reconnect with a man once he’s made the “friends” speech.

    You’ll find it all in my Targeting Mr. Right program. Everything from HOW to be flirty with other men and what to do once you decide to not settle into being a “girlfriend” without a commitment from him.

    Take a look at what I’ve written about the Tool of
    But for now, start with bringing back “Flirty Girl” and opening yourself to all the wonderful men there are out there.

    Even if you don’t feel ready to actually go out with them, just thinking about it and taking baby steps toward allowing them to talk with you and connect with you will help you tremendously.

    Your man will notice the difference in you.

    This is the absolute first step in what I call BRIDGING – which is my word for a new way of “dating.”

    Bridging is how you cross the Bridge from an Imaginary Relationship to a Real Relationship.

    And the first and easiest way to Bridge is to keep all your options open all the time.

    That means continuing to allow other men to talk with you, get your phone number and email address, and SPEND FUN TIME with you.

    The reason for keeping your options open and “dating” other men is NOT to protect yourself, or make him jealous, or to find another man.

    The reason for “dating” other men is for YOU.

    So you can practice my Tools as much as possible, on real men.

    So you can learn to have fun, start using Feeling Messages, practice my Sensual Meditation in PUBLIC, and feel more comfortable in your own skin in the presence of men.

    This practicing with other men will raise your self-esteem and help you so much with the man you’re now focused on.

    And most important – dating other men will take your focus OFF of this man and put it where it belongs – on yourself!

    If you’d like some real-world advice on how to do all this, and how to overcome the common obstacles and “issues” that come up, check out my Targeting Mr. Right program

    The only way to see if this man can switch from friendship to romance is to emotionally walk away.

    Tell him he’s right about the “friends” thing. Agree with him. Step away completely. That means no talking, no lunch, no dinner because you have to DATE OTHER MEN and you don’t have so much time in your life for a male friend.

    This is absolutely true.

    My guess is you’ll hear from him quickly, He’ll be chasing you down. He’ll be upset that you’re cutting him off.

    Just be calm and say that you’re looking for romance and a real relationship, and being friends with him is making it hard for you to move on, and you’ll contact him and be able to be friends later, when you’re with a man who wants the kind of relationship you do.

    Do it with a smile, very casually, no crying, no begging and see what happens.

    After you’ve practiced with other men, using my Feeling Messages and the Leanback and Focusing on Yourself and Loving Yourself Tools, you’ll be ready to talk with him and see him.

    I wish you luck!

    Love, Rori



  140.  #140Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:42 am

    ***Here’s a letter from “Vanessa,” who’s frustrated with a man who says he’s “not ready for a relationship”:

    Dear Rori,

    I met the guy I am interested in about 4 1/2 months ago, and it has been extremely frustrating. I learned that he got a divorce about a year ago and two years ago he lost his older brother to drugs.

    He has qualities that I like, but emotionally he is not ready for a new relationship.

    I just got out of a 9-year relationship myself and perhaps he is afraid I will go back to my ex- boyfriend.

    I feel he likes me, but it is hard to tell; and because I don’t know what he is thinking most of the time I don’t know how to act when I am around him.

    I have been following your advice, I have been taking care of myself. I don’t schedule my activities around him, I am trying to get to know myself again, I keep busy everyday: I workout, read, spend time with my friends, meditate; and when I least expect it he is calling me.

    We have not seen each other for about 4 weeks. I don’t want him to forget about me, but at the same time I refuse to keep calling him.

    He has told me that he likes me and I can call him anytime, but is not ready for a relationship. His ex-wife cheated on him, so has trust issues toward women. He has told me that he feels I am different and has shared personal information with me that no one else knows.

    How do I keep him interested in me without me having to do all the work?

    Will he forget about me if I stop calling or seeing him? I was going to keep in touch with him, because I know what he has gone through and want him to know that I care about him.

    Do you think is a good idea for me to call him every once in a while? Oh and more thing, I told him that I like him and care about him, and that I don’t expect anything from him since I know where he stands emotionally, but I think I freaked him out.

    I immediately reacted and told him, that I felt I was rushing and that I needed to take things slowly as well.

    So, how can I keep him interested in me without me having to contact him, see him, call him?

    Help!!!! I really like this man.

    Respectfully, “Vanessa”

    ***Doesn’t your heart fall just reading “Vanessa’s letter?

    You and I – and possibly Vanessa, too, know that this is an Imaginary Relationship.

    As much as Vanessa likes him, and as much as it seems he likes her, nothing is happening.

    And we know that it’s the man’s job to make things happen.

    If we take his job away from him, step on his toes by calling and finding ways to see him – we cut off all his feelings for us.

    So I want to start by applauding Vanessa for doing so many things right: For taking care of herself and focusing on her own life (and you can see how well it works just by how he’s calling her unexpectedly), and by NOT calling him.

    I know how difficult it can be just to do and not do those things.

    What about YOU?

    Do you know that you need to focus on your life and on the things that make you happy, but you feel completely MISERABLE obsessing about him when you’re not with him (or haven’t heard from him)?

    If so, my Heart Connection Toolkit will help you tremendously.

    You won’t even have to DO anything if you don’t want to – just pop in the CD and let me cheer you on, motivate you, encourage you, make you feel strong and confident.

    You’ll feel better within minutes of listening to my Toolkit, and you’ll want to listen to it over and over whenever you’re feeling down.

    My Toolkit will elevate your self-esteem and allow you to approach him with your chin up and your energy POSITIVE and relaxed, and he’ll not only feel more drawn to you, but you will feel better knowing that you can feel happy without focusing on him so much.

    Now let’s get to some of the mistakes Vanessa is making – mistakes I made many times and perhaps you’re making them right now, too.

    Can you hear where Vanessa talks about HIS PAIN? Losing a sibling is a tragedy, and it’s not that I want Vanessa to minimize the experience and grief her man must be feeling, even after 2 years. And his divorce may have been painful if it was due to his wife’s cheating.

    And still, none of this has anything to do with his relationship with Vanessa.

    This is all “Making Excuses” for this man and why he isn’t pursuing her the way he should.

    Do you see where she mentions that he’s “shared personal information with her that no one else knows”? And his “trust issues”?

    This is one of the most common mistakes most of us women have made at least once.

    We think that being a man’s “friend” through the hard times will cement the relationship and turn it to passion and love in the future.

    But that’s not how it works.

    How many women do you know who put their husbands through college, only to get dumped the moment the men became successful?

    I know several.

    “Friendship Only” is for friends.

    If “Friendship With Romantic Love” is what you want, don’t get caught up in believing the way to “Love” is by being his friend.

    Friends don’t kiss, friends don’t have sex, friends don’t “date,” friends don’t feel that “tingle in your heart” and friends don’t see only each other.

    Things happen in life, and sometimes friendship leads to love – but if you’re counting on that, he’ll feel it and you’ll be disappointed.

    Picture this: If WE feel only like friends to a man like Vanessa’s, and that’s all we give to him, and at the same time we go about dating and romancing other men even while we’re being friendly and supportive to this one man – THAT could create a sense of attraction and longing for us in him.

    But the moment we turn toward him with love in our eyes and HE is the one talking about just “being friends,” then being supportive and friendly to this man will not work!

    Here’s the truth in Vanessa’s case: A man who had a wife who cheated on him is ATTRACTED to women who cheat! I know this sounds awful, but it’s true.

    He may not like the fact that he’s attracted to women who he can’t completely trust, and it might make him angry and heartbroken, but if you act like a true-blue, long-suffering GOOD WOMAN with a man like that, you’ll lose him to a woman who LOOKS like she could cheat!

    Frustrating, isn’t it?

    So, if being a Good Woman, a supportive friend, a good listener, and hearing about HIS problems (like Vanessa is doing) doesn’t work – and in fact PUSHES HIM AWAY – what are you to do?

    Well, here are two ways to deal with this kind of situation:

    1. You could see that this man is not a good bet for a healthy relationship, because you’d constantly have to be creating distance between you, for perhaps a long time, before he’d start missing you enough to feel seriously interested – and then, what about the rest of your lives together?

    What if he’s a man who always needs to be kept off-balance by a woman in order to love her?

    You might decide, based on this, that you’re better off without him, move on and start dating up a storm. Or,

    2. You could take the exact same attitude as in Option #1, yet still date him along with many other men. You could stand back, observe him, and let him prove to you he’s worth your time.

    You would stop doing anything that looked like “friendship.”

    This would be things like meeting him, “hanging out” with him, paying for yourself, listening to his sad stories and holding his hand, giving him advice…so many other things you would do for or with your girlfriends that have no place in a love relationship.

    Vanessa’s started doing this by focusing more on herself and refusing to reach out to him by calling.

    You can take it even further.

    The next step would be to completely reverse the energy between you and him.

    This would mean not only NOT CALLING him, but NOT THINKING about him, too!

    This is where my FEELING MESSAGE Tools like “The Goodnight Talk” will make a difference.

    Instead of only listening to him – YOU share YOUR feelings!

    It’s very easy to be the Good Woman. To care about someone and recognize their pain.

    It’s easy because it keeps us from having to be VULNERABLE ourselves.

    And what Vanessa needs to do – RIGHT NOW – is to be Vulnerable around him.

    But not in BIG ways – not in telling him how she feels about HIM or the relationship – but how she feels about her OWN life.

    This means sharing her fun and happy and passion-filled times doing what she loves – this is the TELLING STORIES Tool.

    This means sharing how she’s feeling in the present moment while they’re talking on the phone – again – not about HIM, but about HERSELF.

    Most men will be repelled by a woman sharing her pain about HIM, but will be filled with a desire to join in when we share about LITTLE things – how stopping at a flower shop and being all by yourself in the middle of greenery and roses felt, or how sad the rain made you feel, or how moved you were by a movie you just saw, or a little kid doing something silly or outrageous, or even maddening at the market.

    Sharing how you feel takes the spotlight off of the man. And that’s what a REAL man wants.

    Real men do not like the spotlight in a relationship.

    “Little Boy” men do.

    “Little Boys” like their feelings considered first and always.

    They want to know what YOU can do for THEM, and have no interest in doing for you any more than they have to keep you around.

    Often, a man’s “Little Boy” “issues” disappear when we start expressing our real selves.

    When we become even MORE vulnerable around him.

    If you’re with a man, like Vanessa’s, who talks about his own feelings a lot and always seems to want you to come to him, you can turn the Energy Exchange around by saying how YOU FEEL even more!

    You can stop coddling his feelings by asking him what he thinks, instead.

    A real man doesn’t want to be coddled.

    A real man wants to be a Prince or a King to your Princess. He doesn’t want to be the frog you have to kiss to life – he wants to put the crown on YOUR head!

    So next time you’re tempted to get “sucked in” by all a man’s stories around why he “can’t commit” or “be in a relationship,” don’t believe him.

    He may or may not be lying on purpose, but he’s for sure lying to himself.

    Vanessa must go all the way for herself – dating other men and truly focusing on herself and what feels good to her.

    And you can walk the Rori Raye Bridge to the relationship you want by NOT allowing ANY man to pull you off course.

    You can do this!

    All it takes is to realize that you have choices and options, and that men everywhere want you.

    You can turn everything around for yourself with the help of my Targeting Mr. Right program.

    This is a program of a seminar I filmed with a live audience, where I talked about how to do Circular Dating. There are several amazing guest speakers that are part of the program, who help you with all aspects of Circular Dating (including helping you with your “image”).

    Even if you’ve never believed it before, believe and act like you are very expensive, highly prized, and possessed of inner strength and outer softness.

    A good, real man will recognize that right off and fight for you. It’s true!

    Let him.

    Love, Rori



  141.  #141Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:44 am

    Dear Rori,

    I met the guy I am interested in about 4 1/2 months ago, and it has been extremely frustrating. I learned that he got a divorce about a year ago and two years ago he lost his older brother to drugs.

    He has qualities that I like, but emotionally he is not ready for a new relationship.

    I just got out of a 9-year relationship myself and perhaps he is afraid I will go back to my ex- boyfriend.

    I feel he likes me, but it is hard to tell; and because I don’t know what he is thinking most of the time I don’t know how to act when I am around him.

    I have been following your advice, I have been taking care of myself. I don’t schedule my activities around him, I am trying to get to know myself again, I keep busy everyday: I workout, read, spend time with my friends, meditate; and when I least expect it he is calling me.

    We have not seen each other for about 4 weeks. I don’t want him to forget about me, but at the same time I refuse to keep calling him.

    He has told me that he likes me and I can call him anytime, but is not ready for a relationship. His ex-wife cheated on him, so has trust issues toward women. He has told me that he feels I am different and has shared personal information with me that no one else knows.

    How do I keep him interested in me without me having to do all the work?

    Will he forget about me if I stop calling or seeing him? I was going to keep in touch with him, because I know what he has gone through and want him to know that I care about him.

    Do you think is a good idea for me to call him every once in a while? Oh and more thing, I told him that I like him and care about him, and that I don’t expect anything from him since I know where he stands emotionally, but I think I freaked him out.

    I immediately reacted and told him, that I felt I was rushing and that I needed to take things slowly as well.

    So, how can I keep him interested in me without me having to contact him, see him, call him?

    Help!!!! I really like this man.

    Respectfully, “Vanessa”

    ***Doesn’t your heart fall just reading “Vanessa’s letter?

    You and I – and possibly Vanessa, too, know that this is an Imaginary Relationship.

    As much as Vanessa likes him, and as much as it seems he likes her, nothing is happening.

    And we know that it’s the man’s job to make things happen.

    If we take his job away from him, step on his toes by calling and finding ways to see him – we cut off all his feelings for us.

    So I want to start by applauding Vanessa for doing so many things right: For taking care of herself and focusing on her own life (and you can see how well it works just by how he’s calling her unexpectedly), and by NOT calling him.

    I know how difficult it can be just to do and not do those things.

    What about YOU? Do you know that you need to focus on your life and on the things that make you happy, but you feel completely MISERABLE obsessing about him when you’re not with him (or haven’t heard from him)? Now let’s get to some of the mistakes Vanessa is making – mistakes I made many times and perhaps you’re making them right now, too.

    Can you hear where Vanessa talks about HIS PAIN? Losing a sibling is a tragedy, and it’s not that I want Vanessa to minimize the experience and grief her man must be feeling, even after 2 years. And his divorce may have been painful if it was due to his wife’s cheating.

    And still, none of this has anything to do with his relationship with Vanessa.

    This is all “Making Excuses” for this man and why he isn’t pursuing her the way he should.

    Do you see where she mentions that he’s “shared personal information with her that no one else knows”? And his “trust issues”?

    This is one of the most common mistakes most of us women have made at least once.

    We think that being a man’s “friend” through the hard times will cement the relationship and turn it to passion and love in the future.

    But that’s not how it works.

    How many women do you know who put their husbands through college, only to get dumped the moment the men became successful?

    I know several.

    “Friendship Only” is for friends.

    If “Friendship With Romantic Love” is what you want, don’t get caught up in believing the way to “Love” is by being his friend.

    Friends don’t kiss, friends don’t have sex, friends don’t “date,” friends don’t feel that “tingle in your heart” and friends don’t see only each other.

    Things happen in life, and sometimes friendship leads to love – but if you’re counting on that, he’ll feel it and you’ll be disappointed.

    Picture this: If WE feel only like friends to a man like Vanessa’s, and that’s all we give to him, and at the same time we go about dating and romancing other men even while we’re being friendly and supportive to this one man – THAT could create a sense of attraction and longing for us in him.

    But the moment we turn toward him with love in our eyes and HE is the one talking about just “being friends,” then being supportive and friendly to this man will not work!

    Here’s the truth in Vanessa’s case: A man who had a wife who cheated on him is ATTRACTED to women who cheat! I know this sounds awful, but it’s true.

    He may not like the fact that he’s attracted to women who he can’t completely trust, and it might make him angry and heartbroken, but if you act like a true-blue, long-suffering GOOD WOMAN with a man like that, you’ll lose him to a woman who LOOKS like she could cheat!

    Frustrating, isn’t it?

    So, if being a Good Woman, a supportive friend, a good listener, and hearing about HIS problems (like Vanessa is doing) doesn’t work – and in fact PUSHES HIM AWAY – what are you to do?

    Well, here are two ways to deal with this kind of situation:

    1. You could see that this man is not a good bet for a healthy relationship, because you’d constantly have to be creating distance between you, for perhaps a long time, before he’d start missing you enough to feel seriously interested – and then, what about the rest of your lives together?

    What if he’s a man who always needs to be kept off-balance by a woman in order to love her?

    You might decide, based on this, that you’re better off without him, move on and start dating up a storm. Or,

    2. You could take the exact same attitude as in Option #1, yet still date him along with many other men. You could stand back, observe him, and let him prove to you he’s worth your time.

    You would stop doing anything that looked like “friendship.”

    This would be things like meeting him, “hanging out” with him, paying for yourself, listening to his sad stories and holding his hand, giving him advice…so many other things you would do for or with your girlfriends that have no place in a love relationship.

    Vanessa’s started doing this by focusing more on herself and refusing to reach out to him by calling.

    You can take it even further.

    The next step would be to completely reverse the energy between you and him.

    This would mean not only NOT CALLING him, but NOT THINKING about him, too!



  142.  #142Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:46 am

    Romantic Words comment above are from another coach.



  143.  #143Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:49 am

    AmazingMe it does not sound selfish to me. It sounds like being aware that you might get resentful as a result so you choose to stay out of people’s business.



  144.  #144Starla on September 9, 2011 at 6:57 am

    i couldn’t talk to him…i felt needy or something. like i was jumping on the opportunity to get a type of comfort from him that i want….i dunno…it felt weird. he’ll call me today. i’m sure he’ll understand.

    i am going to assume instead that i could have said or done nothing wrong because i am grieving.

    it hit me much harder today. going to work because i can’t just sit around my apartment feeling helpless.



  145.  #145Lilybelly on September 9, 2011 at 6:57 am

    118:

    Daria~ Thank you.

    If you happen to run across one that you think can help me out here (EFT) you know how to find me. 🙂

    xoxo



  146.  #146Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:58 am

    When a man wants commitment with the woman he is with, here is how the “serious talk” occurs:

    Your man brings up on his own initiative the conversation about being COMMITTED (DO NOT CONFUSE WITH “EXCLUSIVE”)

    See, commitment means that your man wants to get to know you better with the purpose to “test” if you are compatible enough for a life-long commitment.

    When a man tells you he wants to have a serious relationship with you with the potential to see if you are fit for marriage, he makes it VERY CLEAR rather than innuendos. He will tell you something like “I want a life with you” or “I want to take our relationship to the next level”.

    And at that time, if you are not clear on what “serious relationship” means to him, ask!

    Ask him, what do you mean by that and what does a “serious relationship” mean to you?

    Then you can discuss the details of what that means – where it is sexual exclusivity, dating exclusivity, etc.

    When a man gives you real commitment, there are certain “terms” that have to be discussed.

    Obviously, if you are in a committed relationship, you are sexually exclusive BUT there are other “terms” that are to be discussed.

    http://commitment-advice.com/



  147.  #147Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 6:59 am

    RE 142 Yeah



  148.  #148Lilybelly on September 9, 2011 at 7:01 am

    123:

    FW~

    Thank you so much for the prayers. Keep ’em coming.

    I am quite close with my son and deep down in my gut, I can feel that we will be alright. But, I am praying my knees off that things will not come out as thought. There is always hope, right?



  149.  #149T-Girl on September 9, 2011 at 7:05 am

    Starla – I am so sorry about your friend.



  150.  #150T-Girl on September 9, 2011 at 7:06 am

    Oh wow Lillybelly, so sorry to hear what you and your son are going through. Keep hoping and praying…



  151.  #151Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Lilybelle as long as there is life there is hope. Whatever happens, that is the way it is supposed to be.



  152.  #152Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Starla I believe that is the best way to go.



  153.  #153DE on September 9, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Lilybelle:

    Wow…so sorry…:( I didn’t know u been going through this 🙁 I feel sad as in not being a good friend to hear u…:( I’ve been detached from the blog lately…

    What is interesting is that last year, around October/Novem/December – my ex-h also went through some medical issues…it looked like he was going to die…:( but, gosh, he made it…

    During that time, all my anger went away…i felt soo much compassion for him…soon after, he went back to his old self…i often thought that might be his wake up call…for life u know? i guess it wasn’t…:(

    It is okay to cry your heart out…i know it’s not just about your son …it is also about you…

    This it shall pass…U are a strong and big hearted woman Lilybelle!!!

    Big warm hugs,



  154.  #154Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:17 am

    http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/date-to-marry-finding-the-good-men/

    Bad boys are hard to ignore, they tend to stand out in a crowd. They blind you to the good men around you. The good ones are there, but you have to learn how to look for them. You need to study how they act and how they treat women so you can recognize one when you see them. You have plenty of good men to observe in your life; they’re a family member, a fellow worker, or married to your friends.

    Here’s something else you can do to find the good men. I bet you have a list of all the wonderful qualities you’re looking for in a husband. I imagine your list includes qualities such as honesty, kindness and loyalty. Well, every time you get involved with a bad boy it’s like you’re ignoring your list and compromising on what you really want in a man. It’s saying that your list doesn’t really matter.

    If you want to meet a good man, you have to get back to your list and follow it! There are available good men everywhere, you just have to train yourself to recognize one when you see him. Don’t waste your precious time dating bad boys, save yourself for the good men.



  155.  #155DE on September 9, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Starla:

    Aww sweetie, I feel so sad to hear about the loss of your friend 🙁

    Big warm hugs,



  156.  #156Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:21 am

    The bottom line is that there is one thing that all men respond to: how you make him feel about himself.

    http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/what-do-men-really-want-in-a-woman/



  157.  #157Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Hi, if you’re suffering in a “relationship” with a man, losing your cool, worrying, experiencing awful insecurities, anxiety – and just plain THINKING about him too much – I can help.

    Everything depends on two things:

    1. Your ability to be INDEPENDENT, to have a life that feels good with or without him, and enough self-love to say “No” to what you don’t want. And…

    2. The squishy soft openness to allow a man into your heart and body with total warmth and acceptance and INTER-DEPENDENCY.

    And…if you allow a man into your heart without first making sure he’s good to you and that you feel good about yourself with him…that won’t work.

    And if you push a man away because you feel angry, resentful, or just plain scared – that won’t work, either.

    The secret is in the “combo” – and my Targeting Mr. Right program will teach you everything you need to know about how to navigate dating so that you’ll draw EVERY man in to you.



  158.  #158Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Once we meet a man we really like, we women tend to dive right in. We want to give our hearts, mind and very soul to a man, and meld together into a perfect relationship. We give away our exclusivity before a man gives us the commitment we want.

    But…when we close off our options with other men too soon, we actually sabotage our ability to get the commitment and intimacy we so desire!

    It’s the biggest mistake women make, and you need to stop it – right now! – and start dating many men at the same time until you have the commitment you want from the man who’s right for you.



  159.  #159Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Here’s why:

    NO MORE NEEDY VIBE THAT PUSHES MEN AWAY

    When you have all your hopes and dreams wrapped up in any one guy, it’s natural to fear losing him…and losing you.

    You become obsessed with every phone call, jump when he says jump, and change from the attractive, interesting woman who intrigued him into someone needy and clingy he feels pressured to check in with.

    Instead, keep your options open to keep your sanity and remind him that you’re a prize to be won.

    When you stop over-investing too quickly, you’ll start getting the kind of affection and attention you crave.

    HELPING YOU CHOOSE A PARTNER WISELY

    It’s hard to see the red flags when there’s only one guy on the horizon.

    If you think he’s your only hope, you tend to gloss over things about him that indicate he’s NOT a good match.

    These red flags become land mines over time, and suddenly you’ve wasted a lot of love and affection on someone who isn’t deserving of you.

    Dating is about getting to know different men until one special man emerges as the cream of the crop – and you both decide to take things to the next level.

    You get to CHOOSE if he is the right man for you, and have the time to find out who he is and how he’ll treat you.

    THE RIGHT WAY TO TAKE THINGS SLOWLY

    Everyone tells you to “take things slow,” but how on Earth are you supposed to do that when you’re head over heels for someone?

    Easy: Keep dating other guys.

    There’s no point in trying to slow things down with a man when he’s the only one you’re dating. It’s practically impossible.

    But if you keep dating other men, you’re instantly able to take it slowly.

    Your schedule is busy with other dates and activities so that you’re automatically not always available to any one man, and it also gives you time to catch your breath and reflect on what he’s revealing to you about himself.



  160.  #160Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:32 am

    OPENING THE DOOR FOR PLEASANT SURPRISES

    I’m sure you’ve heard that you should “throw out the checklist” and not be too picky when it comes to men and dating.

    But I’m here to tell you that if you throw out the idea of dating one man at a time, you have a much better chance of winding up with your checklist…and more.

    By keeping your options open and increasing the number of men you meet and date, you increase the likelihood of meeting the man you’ve been dreaming of…rather than settling for whomever you happen to meet first.

    SO DATE MANY MEN TO HELP YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE

    Dating many men at the same time is about helping you feel empowered and raising your self esteem. It’s about making you the chooser…not the chaser.

    So give it a try. Just treat it as an experiment.

    Open yourself up to getting to know as many men as you can and, when one shows up that you really connect with, don’t make the mistake of shutting down other options right away.

    Make him prove to you that he’s worth choosing.

    I’m willing to bet it will get you faster to your “one” than you ever imagined.

    To get the nuts-and-bolts of how to Circular Date like this – dating and talking with and simply INTERACTING with as many men as you have time for – you’ll want to check out my Targeting Mr. Right program.

    “Targeting” teaches you HOW to “Circular Date.” To be at the CENTER of all of these men.

    You’ll finally know how to HANDLE all the men that are out there, even how to handle your TIME, your emotions, your old inner patterns of choosing the wrong men – and most important – how to NOT INVEST in any one man until you KNOW you have what you want.



  161.  #161Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 7:34 am

    This is an entirely revolutionary concept, we think – but, truly – this is the way our grandmothers did it.

    The thing that’s confused the whole concept of “dating” and made us feel we have to become “exclusive” with one man is sex.

    Our grandmothers would NEVER think of sleeping with a man before marriage – and so they could date as many men as they wanted to without worrying about how that “looked” to anyone.

    The tradition you see in period movies about going to parties and having a “dance card” is what Circular Dating and Targeting Mr. Right is all about – AND – “Targeting” will teach you how to handle the sex so you can keep your cool and get the love and permanent relationship you want!

    Love, Rori



  162.  #162DE on September 9, 2011 at 7:36 am

    Last nite I deleted T from FB…

    I felt awfully triggered …

    Haven’t heard from him since Monday nite…he sent me an email on FB yesterday afternoon…to tell me his phone and txt is not working…and asked me to call him…call him??? if his phone is not wkg??? huh?

    I responded via FB…he didn’t reply…

    A few hrs later I called him as he had asked and I left a voice message…

    I then checked his FB page…apparently his phone worked to download a dating application on his phone…not very smart about cleaning his page…

    sigh…:(

    So, to avoid getting myself triggered…and into his business…i deleted him…

    I intend from now on…not to add guys I am interested in romantically to my FB till we are serious…

    I feel soo disappointed…:( and really discouraged …that I would ever find what I want…:(

    Right now, I don’t even feel like dating…I wish I had more fun friends to go out with…and dance…how can I manifest that?

    sigh, sigh 🙁



  163.  #163alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 7:45 am

    i feel really admiring of who i am today. 🙂 aw. go, me.

    i feel kind of superhero-ish. but i wouldn’t tell anyone. (except here.)

    which makes me feel even more superhero-ey.

    ha!



  164.  #164Miss Bells on September 9, 2011 at 8:03 am

    OK– I am in need of some advice.
    My ex of one month, a difficult man, has popped up and is coming towards me. We were living together but I have moved across town. We lived together for four years.
    I know he is on POF, as am I, and I know it’s not working for him but it is for me. I want him to date me as a CD. He is offering to take me places, calling me honey, showing off for me. He knew I had tickets to a band he likes that is playing in the city, an hour away. He invited himself, then cancelled. He wants to help me move more of my stuff to my new house on Sunday. And there is another musical thing Sunday night right up the street from my new place. I am feeling like I want to cancel on him, at least for the moving part of the whole thing. I feel like he is drawing me into leaning forward and I don’t want to bite.
    I was going to say: “I feel overwhelmed by having so much stuff moved in at the same time, and I don’t want you to bring anymore on Sunday. But I might still be up for the music. What do you think?”
    How does that sound? BTW–he really is a wonderful man, just difficult in relationships, and Rori’s tools are powerful. I want to see where this goes. We are not having sex right now, and I will deal with that piece when it arises.



  165.  #165Miss Bells on September 9, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Also, I don’t want him to pack all the stuff in the truck before I cancel. Since I am the one cancelling, would it be OK to call or email him? Maybe on Saturday?
    We were supposed to go to the city for a band tonight, and he cancelled on me because he wants to save his energy to go sailing on Saturday. I wasn’t really feeling let down, but then I realized that is part of his old pattern. He is CHOOSING to not spend time with me because something is more important in his eyes. That is a signal to lean back more. I also have 5 new bites on OKC and POF.
    What do you sirens think/feel? I am so close to getting it–just need a little help.



  166.  #166DE on September 9, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Miss Bells:

    Welcome to the blog 🙂

    I would cancel…in this case, “leaning fwd” it would mean taking care of me…my inner boy creating the space needed for me…what feels good to me 🙂

    I would tweak a bit what you wanted to say to him to exclude any “you”s …and I would say something like:

    “It would feel good to postpone moving in my stuff this weekend…I feel overwhelmed and I need a break :(…however, I feel open to listening to the band later on Sunday…what do you think?”

    Warm hugs,



  167.  #167Tmizz on September 9, 2011 at 8:25 am

    I wonder if penguins have it this hard?



  168.  #168Tmizz on September 9, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Starla – {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} !!!

    That is so sad to hear about your friend 🙁



  169.  #169DE on September 9, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Miss Bells:

    Also, I would not call…but rather send an email…unless it would feel natural to me to express myself in Feminine messages…and not be tempted to “explain” myself further during the communication over the phone…

    warm hugs,



  170.  #170Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Miss Bells I would accept his help on the moving. It seems he might need to “feel needed” and it is him offering to help, maybe this helps him to feel masculine. Cancelling on him could come across as playing games and gettng even if he did it to you. I would avoid this strategy if possible.

    I would assume that him popping up again might be because he is missing you. This could be a moment where the relationship could move forward. I might be wrong but I somehow imagine Rori suggesting that he would need to experience you as “new” now that he is back. Changed patterns, changed look, changed vibe. Maybe you had shut your flirty girl down to the world and was focussed on him so the attraction might have lessened. Now that you have options it will help you feel better about yourself.



  171.  #171Miss Bells on September 9, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Thanks so much. I sent him the email. That feels right to me.
    He seems to try to make me chase him. I never initiate a phone convo, and he has indicated that this bothers him, but the few times I have it hasn’t felt good to me. It was harder when we were living together. It was his house. I lost everything when I was widowed several years ago, and it has taken me awhile to get back on my feet. He has a tendency to attack, and me to defend and explain, but I am changing that.
    I have come to realize that some of his picking is actually how he expresses his concern for me. He has some very Virgoish qualities. Now, when he says something I would have taken as criticism before, I remember that Rori says to accept everything as an attempt at giving love, and I thank him for his concern and then shut up. This is pretty effective.
    For the first time I am coming to this community for help after lurking for a couple of years.
    I feel gratitude for all you sirens and your wisdom.



  172.  #172Miss Bells on September 9, 2011 at 9:03 am

    He will help me move later in the week. He is such a fireball…
    He picked me blackberries, took me to lunch twice, and moved a big load of stuff. I made a big point of showing appreciation and admiring his skill at moving big objects up a flight of stairs. He was calling me honey and flirting and I was flirting back. I am a little worried about the moment when sex comes up again. I do NOT want to be a booty call, but I know that handled the right way it is glue. It won’t come up unless he initiates, but I know as he feels more comfortable with the distance it will come up.



  173.  #173Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 9:17 am

    RE 171 Some people do need space. If it comes up Miss Bells I would take a moment to sink into my feelings to see if it is just a wall I am putting up or if it is a boundary issue for me where I need to break the exclusivity to feel good about myself. If so I would communicate that. If you are only doing it to punish him then that is another issue. Maybe if you explore how you feel about it, it might help you be clear on what you really want to communicate. In other words what kind of relationship do you feel you need to be in to be able to feel safe opening up in that way?



  174.  #174Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Miss Bells also him drawing you into anything is a thought that you might want to question. Remember you have choices and if you choose to change your mind you are entitled to do that. You can choose to stay on your bridge.



  175.  #175Esteemed on September 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Fem Woman,

    RE: #157-159: Argh! I need a refresher course in CDing. I know these things, and I need to keep myself there, out of the needy vibe and making one man everything. Why do I keep doing it when I know better now?

    My therapist said as I develop more fulfilling relationships with all the friends in my life, I will be less needy. She had me run down my friendships and the nature of them. She said she can see why I feel needy: many of them are draining, to some degree. She is helping me develop more healthy friendships.

    In the meantime, I continue to miss R so bad I can barely stand it! I just keep pushing him away by being too needy. Yuck! Please heal that in me, God.

    I love my neediness and pain. I will rearrange the letters of “pain” and turn it into “pina”, for Pina Colada! LOL! 😆

    My main access to the internet right now is my android phone. Since last night, it hasn’t been connecting to the internet. So I am using the computer at my new job at the moment, during my lunch break. I won’t do that for long, because I don’t want too many people to see me using the internet. I sit in a very visible place.

    I am in so much inner emotional pain. I am meeting Gar this Sunday for sure! I can’t wait! I hope he’s everything he seems to be! I feel unfulfilled and unattracted with most of the men I’ve been dating. So that does little to fill the spot R filled. This pain is almost unbearable. I don’t know how to get rid of it. I’ve been trying for about 3 decades. Each time I think I have it healed, it surfaces again.



  176.  #176Esteemed on September 9, 2011 at 9:39 am

    FemWoman,

    RE: #140 – Again, a perfect article for me…thank you very much! I feel back on my bridge. Totally was overfunctioning. These constant reminders really work. I am taking a refresher course in all things Rori Raye!

    I feel discouraged and weak, and I love my discouragement and weakness. Grrrr~! At me!



  177.  #177Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 9:58 am

    @112: Lyka says:
    “..SLV – #77:
    That would be “en modération”….”

    Aha! That’s what I thought and first wrote… tee hee. I Google checked and changed it although it looked a little strange but I thought it could be idiomatic. Google is helpful but far from perfect. Fun, though.

    Merci!

    xoxo



  178.  #178Miss Bells on September 9, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Herr S emailed me right back with a chatty note. He is rehearsing with the band on Sunday and is therefore happy to postpone the moving, but still wants to go to the music in the evening. He called me pumpkin and signed it love R. All good.
    It is up to me to stay on my bridge and CD. Moving out was the best and only move I had left.
    At first I was absolutely wrecked, but kept at the CDing. The weird thing is that I feel much better about the CDing now that he is coming towards me again. Somehow it makes me feel safer.
    As for his sad attempts at dating, as long as we are living apart and I am doing it I can’t object to him doing it. This is like a new relationship. We aren’t there yet.
    I know I need help with my words and feeling sorting. It seems like it should be natural but it’s not.



  179.  #179Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 10:10 am

    @100: English Woman says:
    “…And I am not a spelling Nazi, but those inarticulate profiles and emails with lots of spelling errors and grammar turn me off too LOL! …”

    @108: English Woman says:
    “..Or… maybe she doesn’t “says…” Inquiring minds want to know. 😀 ..”.

    I like to know whose words are being posted. I really appreciate quotation marks. I think about that as you just posted you do about the spelling errors and grammar. As I read along I’m wondering “Who am I reading? … I don’t know… no clue…?”

    Maybe I will try this as an experiment, see what happens. It could be fun and interesting.

    BTW, have you ever had an online guy do that? Use
    someone else’s words in his profile or e-mail to you? I heard an interesting story, guy sent woman poem as if his. Later she found poem on Internet.

    Is that funny or not so funny? What would you think if you got one of those? I think I would mention it to the guy. Would you mention that you had found “his poem” with someone else’s name attached to it?

    Thanks for your input. People like so many different things. At least one woman said she preferred men who didn’t spell accurately… She thought they would be more authentic, honest and dependable. I would not form that same conclusion but it was worthwhile to learn that she did. See, you never know what people might be thinking… I’m surprised many times.
    😆

    xoxo



  180.  #180Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 10:31 am

    @124: Lyka says:
    “…I’ll try and see how often people use the word “sens” from now on around here…”

    I mentioned Plum’s long post on the words “sentir” “smell” and “feel” but then I fell into moderation. Can I say “tomber en moderation?”… hmm, dunno,,, it “feels” right.

    Oh, now I see I’m out of moderation.

    I use “feel” for feelings and not so much for state of mind conclusions; but I do sometimes. I attempt to avoid using “feel” as a supposed synonym for my thoughts or (Heaven forbid!) someone else’s thoughts.
    😀

    xoxo
    P.S. Feel free to help me with French language, Tmizz you too! I’d like that. Canadian version is OK also, North American creature that I am…



  181.  #181Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Oh, no not again….

    Ok, Lyka ….Je suis tombe en moderation…

    xoxo
    says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    @124: Lyka says:
    “…I’ll try and see how often people use the word “sens” from now on around here…”

    I mentioned the long post on the words “sentir” “smell” and “feel” but then I fell into moderation. Can I say “tomber en moderation?”… hmm, dunno,,, it “feels” right.

    Oh, now I see I’m out of moderation.

    I use “feel” for feelings and not so much for state of mind conclusions; but I do sometimes. I attempt to avoid using “feel” as a supposed synonym for my thoughts or (Heaven forbid!) someone else’s thoughts.

    xoxo
    P.S. Feel free to help me with French language, Tmizz you too! I’d like that. Canadian version is OK also, North American creature that I am…

    Friday, 9 September 2011 @ 10:31am



  182.  #182Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Miss Bells it is not but you can help yourself by putting your focus in your body and wonder what am I feeling? Focus on your chest area, your stomach, your back, your shoulders, see if you are holding your breath, closing your eyes when something is said or if you read something. See if you palms are sweating from fear, your shoulders hunched with anger, see if when you feel teary eyed you feel a lump in your throat. See if you feel nauseous when you experience certain things. Then start to share them. Rori encourages sharing about how you feel in life as general as in how you enjoy the breeze blowing through your hair, a child playing with a dog, the wind on your cheeks etc.



  183.  #183Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 10:36 am

    clever old girl



  184.  #184Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Hi Sirens..
    DE Hugs to you regarding T…
    I have a hard time with fb and can’t trust myself with cyberstalking (tee hee) so I have some pretty good boundaries around who I add. I don’t have any cds on there whatsoever because I don’t want them checking in on what I’ve been up to or drawing conclusions. Plus I have trust issues and if I don’t know someone really well I don’t even tell them where I work, etc.

    But anyway, I’m sorry that happened with T. It seems you really like him and seems he likes you too from what you’ve said in the past..of course just my perception….and perhaps he is just rubberbanding???

    Guys are so weird sometimes and need their ego stroked with those dating sites. I am not trying to man bash nor am I justifying it, but I have a dear friend who’s fiance was caught on a dating site, and they worked it out. Turns out when he gets triggered in the relationship feeling insecure, he turns to the online thing for an ego boost or whatever….very bad way to deal with it but they worked things out.

    Not sure what Rori would say about that but I thought I would share.



  185.  #185Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Esteemed as you have addressed me personally I am responding to tell you that I believe it is all about commitment. How committed you are to yourself and to growing. You might have an unconscious commitment to sabotaging yourself that might need to be addressed. As you might know from what I have seen about your story, I do not have the sense that you are committed to changing it. I totally understand falling back into old patterns because I have done it but after a while I get disgusted with myself and change. With all that I have learned here, I am committed to changing stuff around in my life so even if I make a mistake I keep moving forward. I know it will eventually happen.



  186.  #186Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:39 am

    SLV Je suis tombe en moderation sounds very natural and fluent to me.



  187.  #187Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 10:40 am

    I meant very bad way to deal with it referring to the guy’s coping mechanism, turning to online dating while in a relationship when he feels insecure….
    not healthy….but we all have baggage and perhaps need a second chance sometimes….
    what do you think / feel sirens?



  188.  #188Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:41 am

    In the Interview with Johnathan Aslay he recommended being careful with FB and the cds that we add as friends. He suggests it is very powerful and we should not minimize its power.



  189.  #189Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Emerson something I saw in Rori’s email, so I am wondering if she could bring up with him that she would like for them to work through things together as a team. There might be something going on for him where he feels unsafe



  190.  #190Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Sirens…gaaahhh….I’m so frustrated with myself atm because I saw hot guy at work yesterday and I kinda blew my sirenishness out the window! He’s so adorable yum yum yum! Recycled who???
    I would forget all about Recycled if I had some time with hot guy at work!!
    Anywho….he saw me walking and literally did a double take, from far away, to wave and holler “hi!” to me!! I said hi back and then crossed paths with him again and he was rinsing off his car, and saying how he was happy that it was his “friday” and has some time off so I said oh great! and as he talking about how he was rinsing his car because it was dusty i said it looked pretty clean to me and isnt it just going to get dusty again?
    OMG I”m such an idiot!! 😯 Why Emerson??? OMG
    OMG OMG



  191.  #191Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Just got this in an email

    When people are upset they say and do the wrong things. At times such as these it’s easy for you to become critical of them and arrive at the wrong conclusion. Don’t force others to live by their past while you expect yours to be forgotten. Whatever you sow in mercy you’ll reap a hundred times over. Everybody makes mistakes, so give them a chance to come back into the relationship with dignity. How long has it taken you to correct the mistakes in your life? Aren’t you still working on some of them? Aren’t you glad people don’t know the whole story of your struggles? So give people time; give them an opportunity to explain themselves. They may not even know the right words at first, so be willing to listen a little longer. They don’t need a critic, they need a cheerleader. When Nathaniel Hawthorne was fired from his job he was devastated. But his wife said to him, ‘Now you can start that book you’ve always wanted to write.’ Out of that cameThe Scarlet Letter. James Whistler failed at West Point. He also failed in business. But a friend encouraged him to try painting. And the rest is history. So give them another chance.



  192.  #192Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Anyway next time I see hot guy at work I am going to tell him that I like the color of his eyes…like the suggestion in one of the posts above. I get kinda tongue tied wiht him because he’s soo yum yummy!!!
    As alias girl would say he’s a HHG! I’m actually going to call him a SHHG! Super hot hispanic guy!



  193.  #193Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Emerson you are not an idiot. Small talk works, sometimes, to open people up. It is an emotional bid we women use. Don’t beat yourself for being aware of your patterns. You will eventually change them. As VFeingold Clark says, things can change in an instant.



  194.  #194Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 10:49 am

    RE 190 Emerson before you get to that I hope you have some descriptives for yourself.



  195.  #195Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Aww thanks FW. ..I appreciate your words!
    I know I’m not an idiot and I should not talk to myself harshly!
    Hmm I just kinda have the feeling that hot guy at work likes me a lil bit! He always always says hi to me and he has even commented on my hair before! Aww! He’s so sweet! I’m going to waterwheel him hahaha!! He will be powerless to my sirenishness lol!! Kinda joking there but it would be nice if he would initiate something…
    hmm I may be quitting that job for a better opportunity (everyone knows even my boss) so maybe I should mention it to him…maybe he is hesitant because we sort of work together (but not directly)…so I know I’m not supposed to be worried about him or what he is thinking or even speculating about it…but just a thought that occurred to me.

    Thanks fw for posting the info in 189, it is sooo true and I feel that way about recycled CD….



  196.  #196Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 10:58 am

    I reread what I wrote in 193 and wow I sound very manipulating! LIke I’m trying to script an outcome. 🙄

    FW re: 192 you mean just for meto think about or what do you mean exactly? 🙂



  197.  #197Starla on September 9, 2011 at 11:09 am

    how do i tell cd1 i want his support?

    CD2 and CD3 have both offered, in the same exact words, a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen.

    CD1 offered his support, but more in this “you should assume of course i will support you” way.

    i feel like he’s kinda playin it cool, so as not to freak me out since I just told him i don’t want to move any faster.

    or maybe he’s not interested in being emotionally there for me?

    i dunno. i am playing it cool like i don’t need support

    this is all jacked up

    i want to heal this.

    i mean really i want to call him and tell him to come hug me and hold me.

    but i don’t want to lean forward.

    i hate this



  198.  #198Esteemed on September 9, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Fem Woman,

    RE: #189 – Beautiful~! Thanks, I needed that!



  199.  #199Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 11:20 am

    To think about Emerson and play in your head for your self talk. I am all That is a Tool Rori had created for such things. She also says “Let your smile be a secret signal to yourself that you LIKE yourself.

    And you WILL.

    Don’t worry about getting a “swelled head.”

    If you think you are, write me and I’ll tell you it’s a GREAT THING!

    I WANT you to think you’re the “greatest thing since sliced bread” – and you ARE.

    Even if you’ve never believed it before, believe and act like you are very expensive, highly prized, and possessed of inner strength and outer softness.

    A good, real man will recognize that right off and fight for you. It’s true!



  200.  #200Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 11:22 am

    RE 195 Starla don’t assume anything. I would turn the attention to myself and how I feel and melt into that. Whatever is going on in your energy field that is what I would assume they would feel and respond to. Don’t play it cool with yourself, grieve if you feel like grieving so next time someone offers a shoulder you can be aware to accept it.



  201.  #201Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 11:25 am

    RE 190 Emerson this just came to me “I feel silly to the point of being tongued tied but I want to say this,…..”



  202.  #202DE on September 9, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Emerson:

    Thank u …u are always soo kind and generous with hugs twds me 🙂 I really appreciate it..

    My nvs are at work today…and reading u note about men and their egos needing a stroke…felt sadness deep in my heart…

    It’s like deja vu all over again…all the guys are dated pulled back on me between the 6 and 8 week…and most of them I would find out about dating other women…making their profile availalbe, etc…

    Being hard on myself, I somehow tell myself I am the One who “scared” them off…”i am too much”…”no man can handle me”…feeling tears…sigh 🙁

    My pattern used to be… to get pissed off and broke it off…move on pronto…and with a few of them (those who would come back with promises, etc), i would find excuses for behaviors didn’t feel good early on…and all these relationships end up feeling me drained every time…the signs were there early on…

    I feel a bit triggered by FW comments (sorry FW …i know it is not mean intended), but these comments remind me of a few friends who would tell me just that…”u standards are too high”…”give him some slack”…etc…when in fact…these standards were/are at the base of my core…ignoring them early on…would only help me build resentment and further diminish my self-esteem…

    So, to these hard voices/criticism…now i want to say F*UCK OFF…(not at u FW)…

    This time around with T…I didn’t delete him to punish him…but rather, attend to my own need for privacy and piece of mind…His wishy washy behavior (i feel as if i am being played with :(…) feels bad to me and me minding his own business (viewing his fb page) feels triggering at this point…since I don’t feel safe in this “relationship”…He requested me early on…and honestly, didn’t feel too good ab it…:(

    But I figured, I absolutely have nothing to hide (again my mind was trying to reason…although my feelings spoke otherwise), there are no guys that I flirt with on FB…i equally respond to everyone with the same kindness, compassionate and caring voice…and yet, somehow guys begin to pull back after I add them on FB…then, there is a reason(s) that I don’t know ab it…

    This time, i learned to follow my “gut” feeling and not allow anyone on my page that I am beginning to get to know…till commitment…is on the table…

    warm hugs



  203.  #203Starla on September 9, 2011 at 11:30 am

    last night when i expressed confusion about if he would want to talk to me when i’m upset about something, or if it is better to wait until i’m happy, he said (in text):

    “I’m a 100% support kinda guy…you can always call me, happy or sad, and i’m always here if you need someone to talk to.”

    Yet it’s still not registering. This is an old issue for me. And my last guy wasn’t there for me when i needed him the most (when i was attacked on the street). It ruined the relationship pretty early on.



  204.  #204Starla on September 9, 2011 at 11:33 am

    last night when i expressed confusion about if he would want to talk to me when i’m upset about something, or if it is better to wait until i’m happy, he said (in text):

    “I’m a 100% support kinda guy…you can always call me, happy or sad, and i’m always here if you need someone to talk to.”

    Yet it’s still not registering. This is an old issue for me. And my last guy wasn’t there for me when i needed him the most (when i was atttttttacked [moderation trigger word] on the street). It ruined the relationship pretty early on.



  205.  #205Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 11:35 am

    @Lilybelly

    Is this you, Lilybelle? It’s difficult when a loved one is very, very ill especially when the prognosis is not good. Being realistic about the future but also being optomistic and continuing to share good times together might be helpful to everyone.

    All my best wishes for you.

    xoxo



  206.  #206Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 11:42 am

    @185: Femininewoman says:
    “…SLV Je suis tombe en moderation sounds very natural and fluent to me…”

    Thanks, you can help too! I took a few French lessons again online in January but as New Year’s resolutions sometimes go,,, that one was dissolved rather than resolved. 😥

    I’m reviving my plans to go to Montreal, originally encouraged by Amber S (oh, where is she?) Although most people there are English/French bi-lingual, it’s helpful know enough French to read signs and menus…

    …and maybe flirt… 😀

    xoxo



  207.  #207Starla on September 9, 2011 at 11:42 am

    I have a little feeling message written out for a text…let me know what you all think. it’s super honest:

    “i feel unsecure and afraid…I really want your support yet I can’t bring myself to say so. I don’t want to feel rejected or like an obligation. What do you think?”

    I haven’t sent it. I should be working lol, and he is at work and i am careful not to get heavy in texts when men are at work



  208.  #208Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 11:44 am

    Up yesterday, kind of dippy today… I guess that’s the way life goes… A good little dip though, manageable.



  209.  #209Starla on September 9, 2011 at 11:45 am

    I could just tell him that when he calls. He WILL call later.

    The other thing, is when I say I need support, I mean I want to see him. And with the exception of one or two times, all of our spontaneous, non-date meetings have been the result of ME initiating that I want to see him. And I’d like to back away from that because I noticed it’s feeling bad.

    I COULD just go through this without his support, but I don’t want to stunt our growth because I am afraid. I want to bare my sadness and heart to him, but feel terrified to do it.



  210.  #210DE on September 9, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Gosh…this statement really triggered the shi*t out of me…:(
    “them to work through things together as a team. There might be something going on for him where he feels unsafe”….

    Riffing …

    Arrghh…f*…f*….f*….
    I read…”try harder…” “don’t give up on…”
    “be nice”…”give his as*s a “slack”…ball f&ucking shit…give him maybe a good all fashion beat*ing!!!!

    F*uck uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…all of u…
    I don’t want to work f&uking “harder”
    I feel freaking tired of working “harder” or “trying” harder
    I feel super ANGRY….
    I don’t want a f*king team…
    i don’t want to compromise in a relationship…besides maybe rice vs french freaking fries….

    I seek collaboration…
    I don’t want to teach a man who to be a F*king man and have freaking balls
    It’s not my job
    I don’t want to be his “f*king” mother…and attend his Winny as*s …poor me “as*s”

    Arghhh…

    Now, I feel better…

    Thank u FW for the trigger…:(



  211.  #211Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Starla I would only say ““i feel insecure, afraid and alone in my grief or “all alone in the world…”

    Maybe only add “I really want your support yet I can’t bring myself to say so. I feel afraid of rejection”. Reading the other part suggests “you rejecting me” so I am more prone to go for just the initial part.



  212.  #212Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    @164: Miss Bells says:
    “… How does that sound? ..”

    It sounds as if you refuse to receive when he is offering to give (moving your things) and then you lean forward and give to him instead (provide entertainment for him.)

    I suppose some would say this makes you the boy and him the girl. IMHO, I think it all depends upon what else is going in a relationship. I lean forward sometimes; I like that kind of dance.

    But on another personal note… I rarely turn down anyone who wants to help me move or pack! It’s a real chore and I always appreciate that kind of help. The same with painting, unless the person is messy and not too good at it… 😆

    xoxo



  213.  #213Starla on September 9, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    i feel like everything i say is just goading him into saying “oh starla, don’t worry about that! i’ll be over in 15 minutes with big hugs”

    i mean, that IS what i want.. so the only right answer. everything else, in my mind, is not going to be good enough and will hurt our relationship.



  214.  #214Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Starla how about my heart feels heavy with grief and loneliness. I feel like my friends passing has created a void that feels like an open sore that it feels like it is bleeding



  215.  #215alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    #190 Emerson i feel jealous. lol.

    not really. xoxo!



  216.  #216Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    RE 210 Sounds like overanalyzing Starla. Go into your heart and see how you are feeling and just share that if you get the opportunity is what I would tell myself.



  217.  #217alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    starla i have no advice or experience or words of wisdom for what you are experimenting with right now. i feel curious about it. for me, i would just feel my through it was best i could and it sounds like that is what you are doing.
    sort of. also it sounds like a lot of thinking and analyzing but what can you do.



  218.  #218Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    @167: Tmizz says:
    “…I wonder if penguins have it this hard?…”

    Yes. All that B&W makes it hard to keep CDs straight and after life partner commitment, there’s the “keeping the egg…and then the hatchling warm..”

    I’m glad I’m not a penguin. 😆

    xoxo



  219.  #219Starla on September 9, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    i dunno, it’s just bringing up deeper, older feelings of shame, guilt, unworthiness, loneliness

    i guess this is what happens when both your parents abandon you as an only child at a young age.



  220.  #220AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    FW I just want to say this with all my heart I feel you are so amazing with your advice here. I know I have said that before but when someone is hurt and down or just needs advice your on it. Your so helpful! Then I thought about it and I don’t think you have mentioned a lot about yourself. What’s your story?



  221.  #221Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    @183: Emerson says:
    “…Hi Sirens..
    I have a dear friend who’s fiance was caught on a dating site, and they worked it out. Turns out when he gets triggered in the relationship feeling insecure, he turns to the online thing for an ego boost or whatever….very bad way to deal with it but they worked things out…”

    What does “working it out” mean for them? Is the engagement over and is the guy still trawling for women? I’m curious; especially as “caught” indicates to me it was a deceptive activity.

    xoxo



  222.  #222Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    I’m in the library and I’ve got FIVE BARS, yay! That’s the good news.

    The bad news, is I’m in the library… and it’s very noisy. *sigh* But I’ll deal with it the best I can.

    xoxo



  223.  #223English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    POF, God you gotta laugh!!

    So they have this newish thing on POF where they “present” you with a load of pics and you answer YES, NO or MAYBE to would you meet up with this person, then you get an email…….so I said MAYBE to this one guy didn’t seem too bad and here was his reply to me tonight!!

    I luv the sound of you and your pics. You sound like a special woman but XXXXXXX (my town) is a bit far to let you down. Take care. Louis

    HA HA HA !! Doesn’t this man know I am a Goddess ha ha ha!! Thanks for the laughs Louis……..



  224.  #224alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    #216 (((((starla)))) you are So Worthy. i feel excited for you to feel this more and more often. xoxo



  225.  #225English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    AND I just told the guy who keeps on asking how my weekend was – I feel bored with this no conversation and he is back LOL!! Go EW 😀



  226.  #226English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Having such FUN on POF tonight since I decided to lighten up…….convo between me and “boring” guy……

    Him: Why are you bored?

    Me: By having conversations that go like this…..

    How was your weekend?

    Followed another week later by……….

    How was your weekend?

    Hardly stuff to light anybodys fire in the words of Jose Feliciano…………

    he just said

    “I see”

    ha ha ha ha ha ha



  227.  #227Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    AmazingMe I have mentioned my story before, maybe you were not here yet. It brings back a lot of pain so I prefer not rehash. However, what I will do is maybe make reference to experiences I have had when I see similarity in some that I am responding to. I will say though that part of my motivation of being here is that I want to do whatever helps people to not make the same mistakes I made.



  228.  #228AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Understood FW well I appreciate you! You are Amazing 🙂



  229.  #229Femininewoman on September 9, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    RE 225 I will say very lean forward in masculine energy because of fear of intimacy. Didn’t really experience it as a child from my parents, my father was emotionally absent with us. So I had a rather harsh demanding tongue with men and never understood why things never worked out. I have taken responsibility now and have started to practice but most of the guys who came my way recently were just never really my type or had some issue. The one I was hung up on had all kinds of fears but I now understand that he might be just lying to himself so I have decided to lean way back and cdate. I have a new one for Sunday who seems very interested but who I feel really “meh’ about. Seems he has breathing problems, maybe asthma so the heavy breathing on the phone has been a turn off for me but I am going to see how things turn out and how I feel in his presence.



  230.  #230Camille on September 9, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Good Afternoon, Sirens!!!!!
    I learned something this week, which confirms what Rori said is true………..Men dont care if they get presents for their Birthday.

    I ALWAYS try to buy these elaborate or at least very well thought out meaningful presents. This year for T’s Birthday (since Im so much more Sireny) and I am practicing leaning back big time.

    I got him a nice little card and me and my children signed it. When he got home from work. It was on the table. He read it smiled and then took all of us out for his birthday dinner ON HIM!

    WOW! Birthdays are usually so hectic or filled with anxiety for me. I practically did absolutely nothing and the response was wonderful. We had a great night and not one bit of it was arranged by me!

    Love this stuff! Life changing for me and my relationship!



  231.  #231AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Re:226 Well I think you knowing and understanding your weakness is great. Your using your tools and I think your really tuning in. You should be proud it is hard when you are raised a certain way. The breathing thing yeah might be a turn off but I give you props for checking it out anyways. I feel like a snob or something I discount men very quickly that is how I was taught. So I probably miss out on a lot of learning experiences and practice. Make sure to keep me posted if you feel comfortable doing so.



  232.  #232Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    I have been getting A LOT of attention from all of my CDs today and am being so authentic with them. I am so proud of myself. Even those I am severly attracted to…. i treat them all the same. Not leaning forwards but being very welcoming when THEY lean forward. AND i feel no fear of disappointing them when i set my BOUNDARIES. Which i had to do with two of them today. 🙂 im proud of me…. Way to go Emoticon!!! You amazing siren of a goddess. I LOVE YOU!!! muah!



  233.  #233Starla on September 9, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Some of my posts are in moderation for using innocuous words, so my numbering is all off. booooo



  234.  #234Tmizz on September 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    SLV – 😆



  235.  #235alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    #222 go, EW! isn’t is nice to know they always come back?

    i am really developing a soft spot for men and their funny ways.



  236.  #236alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    #229 Way to go, Emoticon!!!



  237.  #237Camille on September 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Wait ……….I thought innocuous meant “not offensive”……..do I have the definition wrong?
    Oh dear



  238.  #238alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    in my experience, men seem to LOVE when women set boundaries. it seems to turn them on. which is a fortunate coincidence.



  239.  #239English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    How To Date Smart For Lasting Love

    By Rori Raye, Author of best-selling eBook Have The Relationship You Want and free newsletter.

    Say you think you’ve found “the one”. You’re attracted to him, you enjoy each other’s company, you’re compatible, and you even like each other’s quirks. You should pull the plug on your profile and stop communicating with other men, right? Wrong.

    Devoting all your time and attention to any one man before he asks for the commitment you want, can actually slow the process down. This is because men approach commitment differently than we do. It’s easy for us to imagine the wedding dress and to scribble his last name next to ours. But men normally take a bit more time to come to a conclusion about where a relationship is headed. Remember, he has to “fall” in love with you.

    And the best way to help him do that – and make sure you take the time YOU need to make a sound decision about him – is to keep dating other men. When a man can’t take you for granted because he sees you’re keeping busy and not putting all your hopes in him, it motivates him to move closer to you. It creates the need for him to “win” you all to himself. That’s when he’ll ask you for commitment – when he can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else.

    So how do you keep dating other men while keeping your sanity? The good news is that with Plenty Of Fish, you’re presented with a bunch of matches – so get the most out of your profile by meeting as many of your matches as you can. Then just follow my two rules: keep your options open and keep the focus on you.

    Keeping Your Options Open
    By dating, I mean continue to flirt with men and accept invitations to meet for coffee or have dinner.

    Doing this turns dating into a fun, worthwhile experience that lets you figure out what kind of partner you’re looking for. Every man you meet is a gift that allows you to learn about yourself and discover what you want – and don’t want – out of a relationship.

    The other bonus to this approach is that your Mr. Right might actually look nothing like you had imagined. By not closing yourself off prematurely to dating, you allow the partner that’s truly right for you to find you.

    Keeping The Focus on You
    By taking the focus off any one man, you accomplish two things. First, when a man realizes that you haven’t made him the center of your world, it keeps him motivated to court you and win you over. If a man senses that you are utterly devoted to him before he has asked you for a commitment, it makes you actually appear less attractive to him. Men fall in love by giving to you, and he can’t do this if you haven’t created the space for him to do so – so give him the space!

    The second reason you want to keep dating is that it changes your vibe and makes you even more attractive.

    By focusing on yourself and doing the things that make you feel warm and romantic and wonderful inside, you become infinitely more desirable. This is what I call “dating yourself.” It means you treat yourself to the things you love. You buy yourself things that make you feel beautiful.

    Instead of feeling desperate, you feel free. Instead of feeling needy, you feel generous. Dating yourself or flirting with other men makes you feel strong inside. It makes you feel wanted and desirable. Most importantly, it makes you feel that you have choices in how to feel fulfilled and happy.

    Having the right kind of vibe is the key to finding the right man and inspiring his love and devotion forever. And, when you do have that relationship you’ve always wanted, continue to date yourself in order to keep the focus on what truly matters and inspire your man to appreciate you forever.

    ——————————————————————————–



  240.  #240Camille on September 9, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Good for you Emoticon…It makes me feel so good when all of us share are good we are getting at the “tools” and to keep being reassured THEY WORK



  241.  #241English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    From long ago LDL in last night’s email:

    “You have been on my mind for such a long time.”

    Of course I HAVE because I am such a Siren, Goddess, the one you have been pining for all of your life you silly man LOL!!



  242.  #242Starla on September 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Camille, yes, you got it right

    words like…att*ack and mariju*ana
    innocuous to me

    there are so others too, can’t remember off the top of my head.



  243.  #243Camille on September 9, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Go English Woman Go!! I am smiling and feeling so giddy reading your post!



  244.  #244English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    I replied to Louis (see above) a great response from DE.

    Thank you for viewing interest in my profile but at this time I am pursuing other matches.

    He said back:

    Right happy 4 u

    I said back:

    Me too, thank you x



  245.  #245English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Another poofer LOL!!

    Who cares? There REALLY are plenty more fish in the sea!!

    I am looking for some quality salmon not some old boring goldfish LOL!!!



  246.  #246English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    The attritian rate is VERY high on POF I am finding………..how about you ladies? Is it an age thing????

    😀



  247.  #247Daria on September 9, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    omgosh!!

    watshis name NyGuy had a status that said… ‘my baby is taking me to the mall to go shopping”

    or something… and then theres some comments and about he says how shes gonna make sure he’s ‘clean’ ie looks good

    anyway….

    I unfriended him!

    and then i liked his artist music page

    haha!

    now i won’t get his comments any more (there were a lot! cuz he posts a lot and get triggered)

    but i can still see his music or get in contact with him if i want to — yay!!

    i was kinda waiting for seomthing like that to unfrind him…

    weird…

    i mighta just made it haopoen

    but i feel smily and excited

    i did it i unfriended him!

    wooo sah



  248.  #248Camille on September 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Goldfish……BE GONE!
    How about a Merman King?
    with a coral castle and a great big Trident?



  249.  #249English Woman on September 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Another poofer!! Wow these guys are just sooo feminine:

    Me:

    It feels to me like you are a really nice guy, thank you for showing interest in my profile.

    B x

    Him: Its a shame your not interested in me
    Have a lovely weekend x

    WTH do you go with that in the RR way?

    Him:



  250.  #250DE on September 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Wassup Sista Daria??? Welcome to my neck of the woods…:)

    Unfriend these b*astards!

    My mom was awesome at “consoling” me when I would feel hurt by boys’ actions…

    She would pin point something “defective” ab them…and turn it into something “funny” and “ugly”…she would say “Lasa-l dracu mama…da cine crede el ca este? un nimic…pai uitate-te ce nas are…si cum vorbeste…imi aminteste de unul din satul nostru…etc…” She would not let me be till I began to laugh …and cry at the same time 🙂

    It would always somehow build me up…My mom is/was amazing in “crisis”…not much waning…but lots of jokes and laughter…i miss my mom…thank u for the reminder…

    warm hugs,



  251.  #251DE on September 9, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Omg…

    I do miss my mother so much…

    I feel so melty and teary to our memories together…

    Despite my anger twds often very disciplinary outbrining…she would also very very loving…i always knew she loved me…and just wanted to her encourage me more…embrace my passions…spend more time with me…without inspiring fear in me to share…

    But…her strength…amazing sense of humor and so freaking awesome resilience…i have it because of HER…I own that to her…so is my son…WOW…self-driven…passionate…all of these come from my mom…

    I love you mom…sooo much 🙁

    thank u…



  252.  #252Ella on September 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Atm I am learning how to look good in front of the camera.

    Am going to have fun with it.

    Have a digital camera… must get memory card for it and practice…



  253.  #253DE on September 9, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Ella:

    The pic u had in promoting the Zumba class…u looked sooo awesome and beautiful…:) How did u remove the background in that pic? or did someone else did for u?

    I “liked” it remember???

    Warm hugs,



  254.  #254Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Thank you Camille!!

    Thank ALL of u Sirens 4 being my support system.

    Thank you Rori for all the insight.



  255.  #255Daria on September 9, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    i am feeling lonely and sad

    i miss nyguy on my fb now

    fb feels so much more boring without it

    it felt like smiles when i saw his posts

    🙁

    now they’re ALL gone

    probably my awesome rap to him is gone too

    i feel sad

    i feel guilty

    i feel afraid that he will no longer want to talk to me

    i love me

    🙁

    i all of a sudden feel lonely and vulnerable and not so ‘hot stuff’ like i did before

    hmm

    i love my feelings



  256.  #256Daria on September 9, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    i was thinking today that i might feel all insecure if i didnt think hawkman was back in cali waiting for me

    i would feel lonely

    and the truth is, who knows how that will go

    i want to feel safe and loved even without him

    i wonder if i should re-add nyguy

    to feel better

    and like i ‘have someone’

    in ny

    i could just hide him didn’t have to take him off

    now he will look for me and find i took him off

    and he will likely feel shocked and bad and not want to talk to me no more

    🙁

    oh nooo

    he may not want to talk to me even whn i liv in ny

    i feel sad

    i would feel lonely

    i don'[t want to depnd on him

    but i loved how his ‘beingness’ triggered me to feel lovely and smily

    hmm

    but i want a man that’s steadily coming towards me

    i love me

    i love me triple time



  257.  #257Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Hey sirens, today felt horrible ): I was out with some friends and one of my ex flings was there, he now has a thing for one of my friends… Well when him and I had a thing I started to fall for him, and when I did I fell hard.. We had sex and he wanted a relationship with me but I said no because I was moving, he always told me he loved me and blah blah blah, many ppl have warned me about him telling me that he was a player and a man whore but I didn’t listen and I took a chance anyways.. Well he never really played me but after I left he started to get very distant. And stupid me back then before I knew about Rori Raye, I chased him… And when that didn’t work I played hard to get. Well anyways you get the point, he completely withdrew from me.. He still talks to me but when he does it’s usually a smart ass comment or it’s really rude.. Like today my friend that has a thing with him now was standing by me and he was like “Why are you hanging out with that slut?” I almost started crying right there… And then she asked if he was still going with us and he said “not if that slut’s going.” I don’t get what his problem is.. I don’t talk to him anymore I don’t try to contact him, I don’t talk bad about him or anything.. I want to say something to him and tell him how I feel but I really don’t know what to say. . I’m not gonna lie I still do have a little bit of feelings for him and I know that I shouldn’t because of the way he treats me, it makes me feel icky inside, and I have felt that way all day.. Any advice sirens? Pleasee help.



  258.  #258Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Sometimes I just feel like walking up to him and punching him, I feel very insecure when I am around him.. I definately would never want to be with a man like that, but I would love if I felt more respected by him. Ahh it feels good to say that.



  259.  #259AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    @254 Sounds like he is blaming big time and you DO NOT DESERVE THAT NAME CALLING!! I am trying to figure out your situation and does your “friend” just stand there while he calls you this? I mean how did he end up with this friend? I am confused but my heart feels for you right now.



  260.  #260Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    i feel 🙁

    my thoughts are like i feel like i lost a source of joy, like a sun

    🙁

    no contact is quick healing

    sigh

    i love me

    i want to be my source of joy

    so what if this guy doesn’t come towards me?

    what if i could feel like there was super source of joy that was Always with me?

    is this man being on facebook what kept me on the computer these past 2 months? and i felt happy and not lonely?

    really???

    i love me

    wow

    hey

    and wehn i go back i bet hawkman will leave me cuz i wont be down to meet him unless he comes to me

    and then i will feel all really alone and maybe desperate again like i was feeling before

    and i love me anyway

    i feel achy in my heart!!

    its ok i will heal

    i will feel BETTER and BIGGER!!

    than even before !



  261.  #261Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    I’m sorry Kayla 🙁

    Your story made me feel so sad. Damn….



  262.  #262Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    No she always stands up for me but he doesn’t listen.



  263.  #263Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    It is definately a tough situation to be in, I feel very emotional lately and I’m not sure why… I know as a woman I am an emotional creature but right now it’s way more than usual. I feel as if he is doing it on purpose, to hurt me… Hell I know he is, but why? I never did anything to him for him to call me any name… I feel sad that someone would want to do such a thing, I feel angry that he thinks he has the right to, I feel so disrespected, I feel like I can’t just make this feeling go away, because it is actually happening.. I just want it to stop, all there is to it.



  264.  #264AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Wow Ma you deserve so much more than this, No one deserves to be called such names and judged like that. I am sorry you have any feeling for this man but you need to know there are way more options out there. If this girl is any kind of friend to you she would not want anything to do with that nonsense either. Sorry but this man makes me mad who does he think he is your a goddess and he is jealous of you



  265.  #265Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    And they met because I live in a very small town where everybody knows everybody.



  266.  #266Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Kayla – i would feel awful in that situation too and it has definitely felt bad for awhile

    riffing really helps me shift how i feel quickly



  267.  #267AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    @260 If he is intentionally trying to hurt you he is just plain mean and has his own issues. He needs to grow up and be a man for crying out loud. KARMA will take care of him:)



  268.  #268AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Wow Kayla your situation has triggered me I want to beat this man up for you 🙂 I guess I just do not like this behavior. Very triggering



  269.  #269Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I totally agree with every one of you, thank you soo much I feel better already (: I think next time he says something to me I am going to pull him to the side and talk to him, I’m going to tell him that I feel hurt when I am called names like that and I feel like I don’t deserve it, and I don’t want to feel like there is any tension between us just because we had something that didn’t work out in the past. And I want to feel respected.
    Does that sound good?



  270.  #270Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Kayla – i’m not sure , that might feel awful too

    i don’t know what to advise you other than to leave the situation,

    perhaps talking to him might work?

    i feel curious too because i have been in similar situations and didn’t know what to do



  271.  #271Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Well you aren’t supposed to hold back your feelings right? And I think talking to him would make me feel better (: I’m going to try it, and if it makes me feel bad. Well I will forgive myself and still love myself.



  272.  #272Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Lilybelle – you can check out for EFT Andi Sutherland at

    http://www.thepainfreeheart.com



  273.  #273Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Kayla – yeah, but going up to the man and pulling him aside might be leaning forward too…

    i don’t know what to advise you, but i feel curious how it turns out!



  274.  #274Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Very true but I will only tell him this if he says something to me first.



  275.  #275Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Talking with him might just be the thing to do!!

    i mean, sometimes rori says to go up to a man and say

    ‘is this a good time to talk” and then say ‘ive been feeling… etc”

    so maybe even in this situation that would feel good to do!

    i don’t know, this feels triggering and confusing for me and i feel soo curious to learn more about this!!

    thank you for sharing Kayla



  276.  #276DE on September 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Kayla:

    Hmm…i recall u story a bit…where u befriended u ex girl…and u two getting along…

    I felt worried and a bit afraid to share what i thought of it…at the time…but sure enough, u are were u are…and i really thought it would happen 🙁

    I did that too by the way…for different reasons at different times…and it never end up good 🙁

    My rule is:

    Don’t befriend my exes girls..current or exess…move the heck on…
    Don’t talk /share/counsel any women my ex is/was involved with…u end up the “bad” person any how…

    The bottom line:

    yes, love yourself…so much…that u can walk away from something is and will be hurtful to u..

    i would have my “say” to him…but only when i ready to walk away from him and his woman …for GOOOD!!!! are u ready for that?

    otherwise, u are just opening the door for competition…this man sees u as competition because u are also friend with his woman?

    do u think his woman would walk away because of u? i doubt!!!! it would NEVER HAPPEN!!!

    warm hugs,



  277.  #277Daria on September 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Kayla – you are an awesome and brave Goddess



  278.  #278Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    @273
    Well I have been friends with her for a long time and it does not bother me at all that him and her have a thing, it just bothers me how he treats me. . I will definately tell him how I feel and then I will walk away from it.

    @Daria: Thank you (: this makes me feel soo loved you are awesome as well.



  279.  #279AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Kayla you seem to have your head on straight and from what I can tell he is missing out! You are a brave and respected woman. Demand that respect when he is in your presence and walk away. He simply is not worth your time and making you feel bad!



  280.  #280Ella on September 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    DE re 250

    I had a professional shoot ages ago and that was one of the photos from then. xxx



  281.  #281Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    oh wow DE.

    I was just thinking today that i wanted to cut off communication with my exes gf. I just feel so bad for her because she jus jumped head first into an exclusive committed relationship with him and cut off all her male friends (which is all she had). She has no life now. He is here and she is down south and she doesnt do much other than text me. We just kinda keep each other company every night. Now that I’m busy talking to all my CDs, she seems to feel like she’s distracting me. But i guess sometimes i dont feel like talking to them, i just feel like having a silly conversation with a female.

    I just feel like, she is a connection to him that I don’t want. I am okay still being friends with his brother…. but his GF??? and the only reason i know her is because he jumped str8 out of our relationship into theirs, like literally so we ended up getting to know each other.

    Its hard to be a true friend to her and give her sound advice. I just feel like i should give her advice, that if she talks to him about it…i dont look bad. SIGH.

    DE, you saying that really triggered me. I have been keeping this 2 myself while i thought about it. I mean I feel bad for her, n have nun but love 4 her but i can’t put myself i that situation. Im not going to stop communication between us.

    SIGH!!!!!



  282.  #282AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    You know I feel this tight bond like we all pull together in these situations and that is awesome. Like bring this guy to Siren Island we would eat him as a snack.



  283.  #283Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    AmazingMe: I agree… i think Kayla is alright whether she says anything to him or not…. Confidence on a hundred, thousand, trillion lol.



  284.  #284Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    He would not dare come to Siren Island at all!!!!



  285.  #285AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    It would be like throwing fresh meat to Lions It’s feeding time..lol..I love my nerdiness.



  286.  #286Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    I love it too AmazingMe… ure entertaining. Have an interesting way of saying things!!



  287.  #287Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    DE i had to read your comment again X3…. story of my life. She keeps saying she is so sorry about what he did to me, but she def will not hurt herself by walking away from him. Because HE is what she wants.

    What EMOTICON wants is to be happy!!! Why am i sacrificing that, by putting myself in this difficult situation? I was and still am concerned about her. Thats fine but im VERY concerned about myself. I have to walk away from this friendship!



  288.  #288Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    I actually have premonitary dreams a lot (in case i havent told any of you). Sometimes they are a little off…. but most times they are right on point. I had a dream that she was very upset because one of his friends said that they could see he is still in love with me. I was so scared 4 that to happen i woke up at 4am disconcerted, to say the least!!

    I then had a dream ( i guess this part is about me ending our friendship) i was talking to his brother (we are good friends) and he says to me that she went crying to my ex that she was trying everything to get me to talk 2 her n i just wouldnt! I’m preparing myself 4 this behavior from her, cuz i really am expecting. She has no friends apart from me.



  289.  #289DE on September 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Emoticon:

    I feel very confused…:( I don’t think i am the person u are intending this message too…:(

    warm hugs,



  290.  #290Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    im sorry i should have made reference to your comment.

    #273 directed at Kayla! Spoke to me tho!



  291.  #291Ella on September 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    DE I’ve just seen your post way above about T and deleting him from FB.

    Hugs. xxx



  292.  #292DE on September 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Thank u Ella…:)

    I feel very curious ab when/if he will contact me…:) hope his phone gets “work” on…yep…i feel kind of sarcastic…:(

    warm hugs,



  293.  #293Ella on September 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Emoticon,

    I have had premonitionary dreams too. And they have been spot on.

    xoxox



  294.  #294Ella on September 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    DE –

    I am very confident he will contact you again.

    I feel curious about how this will play out too.

    I have had a run recently of CDs who I thought had poofed completely showing back up… ones who I REALLY never expected to hear from again!

    Amazing.

    This Rori stuff works 😉

    x0x0x



  295.  #295Ella on September 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Kayla re 254

    Wow how icky feeling! 🙁

    If it was me in that sitation I might try saying to him ‘I feel furious’ when he says those names.

    And then just stand there feeling furious.

    If he persisted I might say ‘I don’t want to be called names’ and if he still persisited I would leave.

    I would probably be shaking in my boots and I would do it anyway.

    Urgh I feel angry just thinking about it

    Hugs.

    xoxoxox



  296.  #296Kayla on September 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Thanks everyone (:



  297.  #297AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Unbelievable I mean who are you to make such judgements about someone. How ignorant! Kayla imagine if he says something ignorant again and it bugs you. Don’t get mad he wants to get a reaction and to see if he can hurt you. What will kill him the most is that you could care less. Smile and knod and say Thank you and walk away. You will take your power back and he will look stupid and I am sure he will be bothered that you didnt react. I have seen this work though it may not fit every situation. Just giving you some things to think about. Good Luck ….xoxo



  298.  #298AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Sharing stories and helping eachother through life’s challenges. That is why I am here everyone is awesome! Siren Island is the new man crack for me..haha.



  299.  #299DE on September 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Hmmm

    I have a date tonite with a new CD..(OK, been talking for over one month)…

    He confirmed this afternoon…that felt good…

    He requested me as FB friend a few days ago too…i feel bad for accepting 🙁

    I felt a bit defensive this afternoon while talking to him..

    He finally chose a place to meet this evening…he chose a persi*an restaurant…hmm…my nvs tells me he doesn’t want to be seen with me in popular places…:(

    Sigh…:(

    Most men think I am persi*an…i might be…there are rumors my mom grandmother was tur*kish…they try not to bring that out much :(…but it explains many things about me…eyes, hair color…love of cultures….etc…:(



  300.  #300Ella on September 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Feel tingly feet and excited.



  301.  #301Nikita on September 9, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    I had a date cancel on me.
    I never had a date cancel



  302.  #302Senior Lady Vibe on September 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    @221: English Woman says:
    “…POF, God you gotta laugh!!

    …HA HA HA !! Doesn’t this man know I am a Goddess ha ha ha!! Thanks for the laughs Louis……..”

    You ARE a goddess. 😀

    I wonder what POF sends to the guys if we pick “maybe.” Do you think it’s the same as what they get if we choose “yes.” Maybe I’d just click “maybe” to everyone and sort them out later… 😆

    Do guys do one of those for the women also? This is sounding interesting… inspite of “too far” guy…

    xoxo



  303.  #303Lilybelly on September 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    254:

    I do NOT like that jerk.



  304.  #304Daria on September 9, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Nikita – never? wow!

    its ok it happens… you must be picking some very great daters if this is the first time! good for you!



  305.  #305Daria on September 9, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    yay i just did my workout
    !



  306.  #306AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Good for you Daria!! You healthy goddess!



  307.  #307Emoticon on September 9, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Heehee in the laundromat reading comments from sirens on my phone!!! I should put it down and go make some friends lol



  308.  #308Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    218 SLV
    They are working it out as in they are still engaged and they are still planning to get married.

    He did a stupid thing.
    She decided not to end the relationship over it.
    He agreed to go to counseling and work on the relationship.
    He was “caught” by a friend of ours…who was online dating at the time. It was very akward and shocking…and embarrassing for her.
    But she didn’t want to give up on the relationship.
    Not that I recommend doing it or not doing it that way as far as her decision to keep him around…but just interesting that people work through things.

    I’ve learned that men do and say “stupid” things all the time…and not to justify it, but I’m learning that more and more it is just a fact. Women make mistakes too, but it seems men are cheaters more often…I could be wrong…but….. Am I just jaded????



  309.  #309Lilybelly on September 9, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Here is a nice email I received today…

    Sheesh….

    Random dude:

    “But suppose a silly context were to be presented, even prior to any familiarity being
    established. What if I were to be blatantly forward and explain to you that I want to take a can
    of Ready Whip and paint you in the way this woman is painted at this web page?:

    **insert link to a naked , whipped creamed woman or something….***

    Now this might give us some context to play within, right? You might be offended of course. In
    which case I’m dead. Or, you might choose to express your silly self and ask if you could
    provide the Maraschino Cherries to put on top. Or perhaps your a nut girl??? So, which is
    it? When you are with your lover and looking at your whip cream bra he has just playfully
    squirted on you, what kind of edible objects do you like hovering in the cream above your
    sensitive nipples? Can you see how establishing a context can promote the silliness we both
    enjoy?”

    ~~~~~

    I believe I am highly triggered by all the emails I receive from men looking to notch their too large belts.

    WTF!

    Don’t need it..



  310.  #310AmazingMe on September 9, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    @306 Sheeshh is right ick…What happened to romance? 🙁 Losing Hope!!



  311.  #311Mel on September 9, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    Re: 306

    Ick Lil! What a creep! I’d be thinking of some snarky way to reply to that one… but I suppose it’s probably not worth your energy!

    Last week I had a 58 year old (I’m only 32 so that’s a little old) cosmetic surgeon from California contact me. Apparently he owns a property in my neck of the woods and comes up periodically. Apparently he wants a periodic girlfriend for these “visitations.” Um…. no thanks!



  312.  #312Nikita on September 9, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Meh,
    I think canceling is a red flag



  313.  #313Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    blech! that’s why I needed a break from the whole online thing! I was getting weary of weirdos.

    I think I may start again soon but with a whole new website. Not sure which one.

    I want a free one. I’ve done POF and match. Same people seem to be on both…LOL.

    I get so scared of the convict criminal looking guys! They always try to talk to me. EEEEK. Why on earth would I be attracting that. YIKES. That’s with and without a picture.

    I need a NEW approach if I go back on…hmm….



  314.  #314Mel on September 9, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    So… sirens

    I seem to have 3 fairly interested guys. All are pretty keen to schedule dates with me. That feels nice. I like not reaching out to them. I like letting them come my way.

    I had a great second date with a super yummy and witty guy that grew up in the same city as me. He’s 40, which I’m actually digging (he seems like he knows what he wants in life). I swear almost everything he says completely cracks me up. I really find a great sense of humor quite sexy… and it doesn’t hurt that he kinda looks like Michael C. Hall. He gave me a really nice hug when I first saw him for our second date, and I felt all melty. Another nice hug at the end… but no kiss. sigh.

    Photography prof (who took me to the photography museum and out for cheesecake last week) invited me to go boating with him (second time he’s asked). I like him, but wonder if that may be a little bit too isolated for my liking… at least until I know him a bit better. Just being cautious. When I declined, he asked if we could still do something else later this week. That’s a good sign.

    Then radio guy just texted me tonight and seemed really interested to plan something with me for early next week. It will be date #2 and he is completely taking charge of things. I like that. He allowed me to pick the day and time and then said he’ll plan something fun. I said “I feel confident that you will!”

    It’s funny… I was feeling a little needy… maybe that’s not the right word… because I haven’t heard back from Guy #1 since our date last night. When I took my thoughts off of him, and did my own thing, guy #3 contacted me. This is why CDing is great. You’re not counting on any one guy to step up. And because you don’t, they do! I’m also getting better at just doing something to make myself happy in those lonely moments and that feels really good too. Yay me!

    Also funny… “D” the guy that was super interested, but then just wanted to be friends is still acting somewhat interested. Sort of perplexing. A guy friend of mine thought that perhaps he IS interested (and always was) but that initially he was just looking for “good times” through online dating, but then when he met me he respected/liked me too much to just have a fling and doesn’t want to hurt me. I’ll go with that. D calls himself my friend with BEEnefits. Heh. 🙂

    All in all, I’m having a good time with all of this. I feel a little silly because I’ve been out of the dating world so long, but I’m a siren in training!



  315.  #315Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    Go Mel! You are an inspiration and woot woot go siren!!! You are sirenish all over the place!

    SIGH I have not heard from Recycled in over a
    week. 🙁 major sad face…

    But like you said Mel, that’s when I need to have other dudes in the rotation and not expect him to step up.
    He’s so my favorite though. I hate that he’s ignoring me. It makes me mad.



  316.  #316Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    I do have DallasCD…or so I thought, we had a nice date and then he texted me that he enjoyed our date yada yada and he’s out of town for a week….and I wrote back a feeling messagey soft message expressing I feel open to get to know him better…

    And it’s been a week, and I have not heard from him. And he never responded to my reply to his text. 🙄

    I know I’m not supposed to be waiting but…..



  317.  #317Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    I need more CDs. I like cute guy at work! Maybe he can be my next CD! Oh I would be soo happy! But I have to be sireny and not needy Emerson! I get so excited about a guy I start ripping my clothes off and skinny dipping….hahha lol not quite but ya know…



  318.  #318Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    307 amazing me
    dont lose hope!
    We just have to meet more guys maybe….
    I know there are good ones out there!!!



  319.  #319Mel on September 9, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    I wanna go skinny dipping too Emerson! ONE of these men is bound to step up for us!

    Lil gave me some advice earlier… if they are not coming to you, jumping at the opportunity to be with you and spend time with you… NEXT!

    That’s really helping my self esteem. I DESERVE a man that wants to be with me.



  320.  #320Mel on September 9, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    … and so do you Emerson!



  321.  #321Emerson on September 9, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    aww thanks Mel 😀



  322.  #322alias girl on September 9, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    i have a cd coffee date on sunday that i am looking forward to . yae! (AHG)

    as part of our conversation i made mention…”i’m not a fifty- fifty, meet-you-half-way kind of person. i’m just not. so if that is a deal breaker for you…”

    he said “so if i asked you to come out to me, would you?”

    I said, “no.” i said “well i might sometimes but mostly no.”

    he said, “that’s ok. i’ll just go out to you.”

    and another cd (HHG) i want to meet but i was stressed when we were talking because of the other stuff that was going on so i couldn’t make plans with him this weekend. he said we can talk more and meet at a different time.

    🙂

    and everything smoothed out with my new venture and i feel so relieved and also excited again.

    pshew. i felt stressed for a little bit. and now i feel good to just relax. i am really looking forward to getting into a routine and getting some more stability back so i can be better at scheduling new fun adventures. i feel adventure deprived.

    i am also looking forward to having sex with someone NEW! it’s kind of been a while. i mean i would like to have sex with the exes but it’s not happening.

    i feel good to get a boyfriend and still date.

    not sure how that will work.



  323.  #323Daria on September 10, 2011 at 4:13 am

    wow my dream last nite… whew super involved.

    so one of my guy friends had went to jail and he asked me to take something to his family for his brother mother and lil sister

    except they were different than his real life family

    so i had two big plastic bags, the ones that are striped white red and blue, whith some books and food, and a bag with weed for his brother

    and i left them at the train station after their station

    and his mother didnt want to get therm

    and so i went back and got them and tried to get them to them myself

    and so when i got to the neighborhood thiese guys picked me up to drive me and i was beiung very cunning so they wouldnt try to take what was in my bags

    and then i got out and walked and then i was with this one biker dude, and we got to a house of only women, like maybe it was a highschool

    and we cooulndt get thru to the street i needed, it was like magic and very frustrating

    but finally i did and met his brother and gave him the stuff

    then i was in a house and one guy was my husband and biker dude was there with his woman……

    and i had bsaggy clothes on and i asked my husband do i look sexy and he didnt want to hvae sex withe me

    he said i didnt really look arousing in the baggy clothes

    and i felt bad… i thought i looked cute even tho not sexy and i felt confused and disappointed

    and then me and bijker dude and his woman went out and we saw a chalk drawing of them ion the sidewalk

    and the woman was kinda clingy and lean forward and the tension was visible

    and then we went in a show and there was something about a yellow rose



  324.  #324Daria on September 10, 2011 at 4:30 am

    i am super thinking about Nyguy (who i unfriended from FB) … and i feel all smily and dreamy and excited…

    i EFTd about him last nite and felt good but today i feel all gaga again

    ohh i just remembered my bridge and my happy ever after and felt all centered again

    cool!

    i feel shaky

    i want fun and romance and feel good and trust in my life!

    yay1!

    oh looky my mom washed and hug up some o fmy clothes yay!!

    i now feel all tingly in my chest about to check FB i know he won’t be on there but i keep thinking like he will

    oh yeah my happy ever after

    i feel lonely now!

    🙁



  325.  #325Daria on September 10, 2011 at 4:39 am

    i just drank 3 whole raw quail eggs again!!! yay!!! power up!



  326.  #326Femininewoman on September 10, 2011 at 4:46 am

    RE 311 Mel loved reading your story.



  327.  #327Daria on September 10, 2011 at 4:47 am

    i was reading about quail eggs and forgot all about NYguy till i checked this page!

    heheheheeeee

    i feel excited aboutME and my life



  328.  #328Lilybelly on September 10, 2011 at 5:27 am

    316:

    Grasshopper: You have done well.

    lol 😀



  329.  #329luzydel on September 10, 2011 at 6:52 am

    He is not running away? Most guys run away and hide after the 4th date, this one is the 7th date and he said…can we meet this Tuesday?, so do some men actually DO not run away? or is it typical that hey all run away and then come back? I feel so connected to him. Like no other CD, but I am waiting for him to run away sort of speak, and I only see him getting closer.



  330.  #330Starla on September 10, 2011 at 7:11 am

    I talked to CD1 last night about feeling alone and afraid to take support and super insecure

    and he was very comforting. and told me even if i’m human i’m still perfect to him. it was cute.

    then he insisted on coming over this morning to give me a hug. I felt weird because I wanted his hugs last night (didn’t say so) and i felt like he was trying to offer hugs in the morning so he wouldn’t have to come over last night.

    but that is probably all in my head.

    no matter what he’s said to reassure me that he’s there for me and that i’m not putting him off by having needs, i still feel wrong and unattractive.

    it is so hard

    woke up feeling really sad about my friend’s death so i’m glad he’s coming.

    feeling terrified i’m screwing everything up with CD1 though.

    ohhhh jeez



  331.  #331Femininewoman on September 10, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Starla it sounds to me like changing your focus about yourself might be in order. Keep telling yourself you are worthy and that you can’t screw anything up. Your thoughts will help to change your feelings.



  332.  #332Femininewoman on September 10, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Luzydel I believe different men are on different missions and are at different stages in their lives. What I have seen is that when they are a place in their lives when they want relationships they will stay and if you are not open they will connect with the nearest one who is willing and is inviting him in.



  333.  #333Femininewoman on September 10, 2011 at 7:24 am

    I don’t know I don’t like the energy around the word “deserve”. It seems to suggest entitlement thinking to me and can be a little off putting. I prefer to think that I am worthy. It kinds of give me a sense of being in a place where I get to choose to stay or leave if the person is not stepping up. Deserve kind of suggest to me that I am looking to the other person with some expectation as if they are obligated to give to me. Worthy feels more sensuous and soft to me as if it could be inspiring to someone. I sense the vibe around deserve is a bit harsh and not what I want. Got to process that.



  334.  #334luzydel on September 10, 2011 at 7:39 am

    329: Femininewoman

    yes and also, I am practicing being open, letting him lead, not putting pressure on things to developed. I am just enjoying his company and getting to know him.

    Perhaps before I was clingy, in a rush, wanting to know where things were going and that made men run away.

    Now I let him, be the man and I can sense he feels welcomed…still it is a work in progress and anything can happen, but I am ready and stronger now.

    I am learning baby steps 🙂



  335.  #335Mel on September 10, 2011 at 7:39 am

    330:

    FW… I like worthy. That feels better! 🙂



  336.  #336Mel on September 10, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Taking a break from unpacking/organizing. I promised myself that I would just work hard and get it done this weekend. I feel stressed and uncomfortable when my space is in disarray. I need it to be neat, tidy and inviting. It’s coming along… though it’s a big job!

    I also have a freelance project to work on… sort of regretting taking it on. It’s bad timing as I feel a bit overwhelmed with other things that I want to accomplish.

    Two different CD’s have said “give me a shout if you get bored!” These guys seem to be really respectful of my time! I like that. I think it’s true that guys respect when you set boundaries. I said I was really busy this weekend and all of them were understanding and suggested dates for early next week instead.



  337.  #337Lilybelly on September 10, 2011 at 7:55 am

    331:

    I think you are doin wonderfully, Luzydel.



  338.  #338Starla on September 10, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Thanks fw:) i really appreciated reading your response

    my gut tells me i should just focus on leaning back.



  339.  #339Starla on September 10, 2011 at 8:29 am

    I do not feel worthy, that is why i literally feel like i must have manipulated him into coming over here. but he just needed to know for certain what i wanted, as he didn’t want to be overbearing. he usually takes the lead, and this is not necessarily the best time to 100% masculine run your woman.

    ah

    learning!



  340.  #340Senior Lady Vibe on September 10, 2011 at 10:06 am

    @EW says:
    “…he just said
    ‘I see’
    ha ha ha ha ha ha…”

    ROFL 😆

    xoxo



  341.  #341Starla on September 10, 2011 at 10:13 am

    ladies,
    he came, he stayed for an hour, he rubbed my back, he made me feel mucho better, he left…well he left after having to tear himself away. had somewhere to be.

    i feel touched and accepted. and assured that everything is actually okay. ahhh muchas gracias



  342.  #342AmazingMe on September 10, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Ahhh hello sirens! I had a great swim with the kiddos it was relaxing and great relief for the back 🙂 I am feeling greatful for family today. I am great with my family now if I could just find a good guy to add to the mix 🙂



  343.  #343Ella on September 10, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Hey Sirens,

    Guess what I have just finished writing a post about weight loss called ‘My top 10 Weight Loss Tips’. It is on the forum on my website.

    You can check it out here: http://www.redsirens.co.uk/red-sirens-forum.html#/20110908/my-top-10-weight-loss-tips-852596/

    It would feel GREAT if you guys would take a look and even better post some comments there about the article and/or weight loss in general.

    I would love to get some discussion going on my forum (will be starting a weight loss group near where I live soon) and I am sure it will help if a few people make some comments to start with.

    xoxoxox



  344.  #344Susan on September 10, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    RE: 60: Lyka

    **blush**

    It comes naturally, but not for every dream I hear about. Some just speak to me. Other dreams just seem like what I call ‘dream dumps.” Those dreams occur when you haven’t been sleeping well enough to have proper dreams and when you finally DO dream it all comes out a jumbled mess.



  345.  #345Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Sirens I was hit on/asked out at the coffee shop this morning…it was so funny and sweet!
    This well dressed older guy, literally from accross the room and waved to me and said “hi how are you?”
    The place was full of people so it was kind of funny!
    I said “hi I”m doing well thanks!”
    A bit later when I got up to leave he says “oh you’re leaving???”
    and proceeds to introduce himself and his friend, and then invites me to have lunch at a nearby golfcourse (nice place)
    I had to decline because I have things planned already today, but I thanked him graciously and it was very flattering and sweet. He was not really my type, but I still gave him my attention because it’s practice and why not!?



  346.  #346Daria on September 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    thank you Daria for feeding me yummy food

    thank you for doing pbs this morning

    thank you for brushing my hair

    thank you for putting mud on me at the beach

    thank you for putting healing oil on my scars

    thank you for practicing more workout stuff

    thank you for enforcing my boundary to remove NYguy

    thank you for being gentle with me while im feeling these sad feelings

    thank you for recording my dreams

    thank you for eating the raw quail eggs

    thank you for showering me



  347.  #347Daria on September 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    thank you for making and pouring me tea



  348.  #348Daria on September 10, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    omg im answering some guys on pof who are really not my type and it feels exciting and fun!



  349.  #349Daria on September 10, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    look at whatshisface… handsome man is online too



  350.  #350AmazingMe on September 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    So I will be working at my parents motorcycle shop next week fun stuff! I have been studying and will be off to Ohio very soon! Then I can come back and work aS A RN at the psych hospital! I love my job and helping people there feels good! Things are moving slowly but they are moving! My parents will be out of town, maybe I can CD….but then the kids have school so its usually a no go during week… Ugghh..Sigghh I love my chaos! I love that I have no drama in my life..No Man=No Drama. I will have a man sunny side up with a smile a side of compliments and a big bowl of sincerity and loyalty. Topped with laughter, fun, and heavy sprinkles of romance on top! Now that is a menu favorite 🙂



  351.  #351Miss Bells on September 10, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Hi Sirens– If anybody is looking for an addition and/or alternative to Plenty of Fish, try OK Cupid.
    It is also free and having two sites just gives more options.



  352.  #352tania on September 10, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    hello there, please, please could someone give me any advice or tips on this email i was planning to send to my ex – who just finished me again after too many arguments. i’m new to all this having just bought rori’s book and love scripts programmme.
    Thank you so much!

    well, hi. i got a bit busy yesterday so didn’t call to meet up for a chat, and thought you might want some space too. I do respect your decision and i do understand why. i dont’ like it obviously! i did want to chat to explain stuff a bit more – it wld be good in person. I’m feeling sad and mad and regret about it all. with so many realisations- hindsight is such a wonderful thing. i didn’t realise i was trying to control the relationship with my demands and criticisms of you – i honestly didn’t realise what i was doing – i thought i was just trying to make the relationship better, or into what i thought it was ‘meant’ to look like. (whatever that was). I was so happy just to be with you and spend time with you, that i just wanted everything to be right/perfect – the problem was i was just considering what i thought was ‘perfect’ – wow!!! what a selfish cow! i also know there is no such thing as perfect (and i’m not sure it was even what i wanted – just what society says i should have/want!) – i do get a bit too idealistic at times. guess i must have been out of practise at this relationship stuff too. i didn’t give it a chance for it just to develop. i feel very sad i might have made you feel like you were not good enough or attacked your beingness or preferences – i’m am truly sorry for that. as it couldn’t be further from the truth about how i actually felt – i thought/think you are a lovely man, gentle, strong, handsome, smart, and a better driver than me! and i respected your strength in your decisions, even if i felt differently about something. that’s part of what attracted me to you. there were times you said to me that i got upset when i didn’t get what i wanted – i thought that was really unfair at the time, but again, it was true, i did – and again i thought i was doing it all for the greater good of ‘the relationship’ without even considering each of us as individuals. again i’m sorry. i must’ve been a nightmare at times, no wonder i drove you away. I apologise. when you said you needed to adapt to being in a relationship again – i wish i’d thanked you for being so honest – instead i somehow felt the need to try and take control and steer the relationship somewhere. I really didn’t realise how controlling i could be. i didn’t enjoy it at all, it didn’t feel natural or good. i won’t go on and on, so i’ll finish here. i have know idea what the future holds, but thank you for reading.
    x



  353.  #353Daria on September 10, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    omgosh guess who did her second wkout stretch

    thank you Daria

    and it felt so wonderful

    and my throat feels healthy and wonderful

    i love that!



  354.  #354Daria on September 10, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    HAha i love that dish yum!



  355.  #355Daria on September 10, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    hehe i have like 10 messages on Ok Cupid…

    and i have over 200 on pof!

    so wild

    thank goodness for pof1



  356.  #356Mel on September 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Today I am feeling kinda needy. I’m at home on a Saturday night… I know it’s my own doing because I purposely did not schedule anything for this weekend. I wanted to get unpacked and organized and get some work done. But now I’m feeling lonely.

    I’m finding myself wishing that someone would text or call… I’m feeling the desire to lean forward and make contact. I sent a text earlier this afternoon and there was no reply, so now I just feel disappointed. That’s a good reason not to lean forward… it feels bad not to be acknowledged.

    I know I just need to change my vibe… this “energy” thing really makes a difference. I think guys can sense needy energy (even from a distance, LOL) and stay away. Either that or my phone’s not working… I just got a new one so I wonder if I’m missing stuff? Either way, I need to take care of me!

    Perhaps a bath and then a movie? I’m sick of doing stuff today!



  357.  #357alias girl on September 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    this guy sent me an email and i felt an immediate sense of hatred.

    i emailed him back.

    “i felt an immediate sense of hatred after getting that email.”

    lol.

    screw you.

    normally i would just delete it and move on but i felt like experimenting. and not really being nice.

    he didn’t even say anything that bad. just his email, with his face, with his whole vibe i just felt disgust.

    there really is no explaining it.



  358.  #358AmazingMe on September 10, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    @353 Good for you! Sometimes I feel disgust with some of these guys online. I just delete and walk away but never thought about speaking my feelings like that!~ It really is an ick feeling.



  359.  #359Femininewoman on September 10, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    RE 353 alias girl do you think it is because of some judgemental thought why you felt that way about the email?



  360.  #360Femininewoman on September 10, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    (((((((((Hugs)))))))) Mel. If you feel that way I believe you can allow yourself the one day to feel that way and really notice how you feel when that comes up. You might as well appreciate yourself when you feel that way, it doesn’t happen everyday anyway so you can sink into it while it is bouncing around inside you.



  361.  #361AmazingMe on September 10, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Siren Island is quiet tonight! XOXO



  362.  #362AmazingMe on September 10, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Endless Love still my all time favorite and then there is Brian Mcknight but endless love or always and forever definate wedding songs 🙂 Now lets find a groom!



  363.  #363AmazingMe on September 10, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    I guess I am still dreaming of my fairytale! I won’t give up on my dreams, I will have it one day and deserve it too!



  364.  #364Starla on September 10, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Feeling depressed, canceled my social plans and i should really get out of bed to go eat something.

    blah.



  365.  #365Tmizz on September 10, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Hiiiii, ladiees.:-)

    It is Saturday night, and I’m on the blog ;p. But I feel great about that, and about being at home tonight, because that’s *exactly* where I want to be. I had a long day, and a bike ride early tomorrow. Girl needs her beauty rest!

    But anyway, here’s something that’s been on my mind for the past week. And I would *love* some input from all you sireny goddesses, who might have something to offer me in this area…

    See, I know I have a lot of good people skills. I am great at being charming, witty, personable, and getting people to like me, very quickly, if not instantly. One thing I am NOT good at, is holding people to their word.

    Do any of you girls know what I’m talking about?

    I’m looking at it from two sides. On the one hand, there’s me. I feel like, very often, if I commit to something, and then I show signs of backing down on that commitment, or reneging, or not doing what I said I would do, people will say something about it. My friends, or whomever, will check in and say, “Hey are we going to do that thing?” They will call me out. I will realize, “hey, yeah, I should really do that thing.” And then I’ll get my act together and do it. And I (usually) appreciate it when they do.

    But when it’s *other* people – let’s say, my friend agreed to go out one night. And then doesn’t call me back. Or bails at the last minute. Or someone agrees to pay me for something – and then doesn’t. I do nothing. I become paralyzed with fear. on the one hand, I am afraid because I know that people have “free will,” and that means they have the ability to choose to not do what they said they were going to do. Even if that leaves me being kind of sad and upset. But then that means, what? That I’m tolerating bad behavior? Sure, people have free will. But does that mean I have to accept it when someone is behaving toward me in a way I don’t like?

    I try to be understanding, but I believe I am entitled to respect and decency, and I don’t like it when people reneg on their offers or “flake out.” I want to say something to “gently” remind them if we had an agreement. Only…I don’t really know how to do that. I am so afraid of saying ANYTHING, for fear that, if I do say something, it will come out sounding a) angry b) blamey c) overly disappointed/emotional/needy.

    And, while I can’t think of any examples, it seems to me that, in the past, whenever I *have* tried to call people out on their being delinquent with regard to whatever, the response I get is either they ignore me, or they get annoyed, or even angry with me.

    (Hmmm…sound anything like that thing with my mom? Yeah, it kinda does to me, too…)

    Anyway, I’m really wondering what any of you would do in a situation like this. I mean, realistically. Let’s say someone agreed to pay you for something that you gave them, and then they just never followed through. Would you call them? Bug them? What would you say without sounding like a total debt collector? Just for example.

    And I’m not talking about a guy who said he would take you out. I mean this is someone you already have a relationship with, like a friend, family member, or just a guy you know, not a boyfriend.

    Thoughts? Advice? Cookies?

    Anything that will give this Siren a sense of using her own voice effectively, without totally ruining otherwise okay relationships…that would be great.

    Thanks!!!!



  366.  #366Starla on September 10, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    wow tmizz, i feel inspired to give you lots of cookies, haha.

    this is a tricky issue. i am going to ponder what has worked for me while i chow this fried rice



  367.  #367Starla on September 10, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Okay, I thought about it, and there is something that works for me, and I recently started using it with dates too at Daria’s suggestion, and it’s been working great…but I’m not sure if you should go using it with dates if you’re not used to doing it with just friends.

    So the thing that works for me is a cute whining. When people can feel that you’re upset about the potential of them letting you down, it makes them defensive. But being like “heyyyyy pay me baaaaack!” all cute and casual but still serious, can really diffuse any tension. But still get your point across. And if they say no, you say “okay, well when can you? i want my money!” (again, be CUTE and pouty princess here. this is about you getting what you want, NOT about them being wrong for not giving it to you)

    Daria recently suggested I whine my way out of making plans via text message with a date. “Pappiiiiiiiiiii i feel burnt out on texting”

    worked like a charm. better than “gosh, it would feel better to hear your voice,” which feels kinda blamey and dog-trainer-ish

    Sometimes whining like a princess is a great way out of blamey behavior, and shifts the focus back on yourself.



  368.  #368Starla on September 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    i also stopped hanging out with people that don’t follow through too often.

    so now i have like…2 friends.

    but better to have 2 reliable friends than a bunch of self-absorbed flakes.

    it took me a long time to realize that they were just not equipped to put a friendship with me first.



  369.  #369Starla on September 10, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    btw, i myself am not the most reliable of friends. just for fairness’ sake.



  370.  #370Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    I like the cute whining approach Starla…I just may try that.



  371.  #371Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    I agree about the people flaking. I finally weeded them out of my list of friends. Some have tried to come back and be friends with me and I try again and they do the same thing. Go figure.
    I don’t like being cancelled on at the last minute. I understand things happen but it makes me feel triggered and sad and lonely and rejection is another word that comes to mind….



  372.  #372Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    I don’t know what I would say to someone in a cute whiney way if they cancelled on me at the last minute….without sounding guilt trippy…
    any suggestions ladies??



  373.  #373Starla on September 10, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    If someone’s canceling on me last minute i’ll be like “awww really?”
    “laaaaaaaame!”
    etc.

    we still have to take no for an answer from people. if someone says they dont feel well, wish them well, etc.



  374.  #374alias girl on September 10, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    i came back tonight and the guy closed his account. GOOD!

    BECAUSE I DON’T EAT PEOPLE’S SHAME ANYMORE. and when it comes back to them they tend to feel what they tried to give to me. So i guess, i imagine, he felt an intense feelng of self-hatred after getting my email. GOOD.

    no more.

    if he couldn’t take it he shouldn’t have dished it out. and i didn’t even directly attack him. if he had been innocent he could have said “why?” all surprised-like. but he didn’t. the douchebag b*tch closed his account.

    GOOD.

    ball buster. I’m not going out of my way to eff with people and i do not appreciate people going out of their way to be MEAN to me.

    suck off.



  375.  #375alias girl on September 10, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    my post is in moderation because i used the word aatttttcccccckkkkk. lol.



  376.  #376Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    Daria 42 and 43 thank you for sharing 🙂



  377.  #377Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    thanks Starla…



  378.  #378Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    I just re-read 141
    I need to hit the delete button on recycled for the moment.
    He is on my mind wayyy too much. 🙁
    And I know they can “feel” that vibe…I hate that. I don’t want to put it out there. I’ve been keeping busy, but still waahhh…..

    DallasCD poofed. 🙁
    I wasn’t too sure about him but he seemed really nice and normal and cute. Bah.



  379.  #379Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    I leaned forward with father of 3 guy who I have nto talked about in a while. It’s so weird he’s one of those flaky cancellers…and I sent him an email to touch base because honestly we’ve always just been friends and I’m fine if that is all it is…

    And i genuinely would like to be his friend and even touch base now and then and catch up! He is so nice. And I am kinda turned off by the 3 kids. Sorry if that offends anyone, but been there and done that.

    Anyway with all that being said, it still felt kinda icky to lean forward.



  380.  #380Emerson on September 10, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    374 he is so nice except he’s been flaky and also cancelled on me. Why did I contact him ??? Blech. I hope he ignores me.
    I reached out for scraps because I’m trying to get my mind off Recycled.
    NO. I don’t want to do that.



  381.  #381alias girl on September 11, 2011 at 12:10 am

    well once my other comment posts this will be a rerun. but i want to post it now.

    i came back tonight and the guy closed his account. GOOD!

    BECAUSE I DON’T EAT PEOPLE’S SHAME ANYMORE. and when it comes back to them they tend to feel what they tried to give to me. So i guess, i imagine, he felt an intense feelng of self-hatred after getting my email. GOOD.

    no more.

    if he couldn’t take it he shouldn’t have dished it out. and i didn’t even directly aaaaattttaaaaackkkkk him. if he had been innocent he could have said “why?” all surprised-like. but he didn’t. the douchebag b*tch closed his account.

    GOOD.

    ball buster. I’m not going out of my way to eff with people and i do not appreciate people going out of their way to be MEAN to me.

    suck off.



  382.  #382alias girl on September 11, 2011 at 12:56 am

    i’m not sure what happened but something shifted and i am somehow attractive to men. and people are friendly to me.

    um. hm.

    nice.

    yae. “go, me.” (whoever i stole that from on here i have no idea. but thank you. i like it.)



  383.  #383alias girl on September 11, 2011 at 12:58 am

    i do know what happened. but it just happened so gradually but then , ba-bing

    what’s been going on inside is suddenly manifesting on the outside.

    so lovely.

    ah, so lovely.



  384.  #384alias girl on September 11, 2011 at 1:48 am

    i saw barbara eden in person the other night. she has a new book out. i feel like i am in the twilight zone a little though. i remembered her as a child. then i saw her as she is now. and now i am watching her on youtube as i remember her as a child.

    i used to love “i dream of jeannie.” actually watching it now, i still enjoy it. i think it’s still in syndication even. she must have made so much $$$ from that show.

    she’s just leading a normal life now. she has her husband. her dog. she goes to spinning class twice a week…

    that’s what she told us.



  385.  #385alias girl on September 11, 2011 at 1:50 am

    oh and i went rollerblading down by the beach tonight. it felt soooooo good. it’s been so long since i’ve done that because i had given away my rollerblades. but now i have some again. 🙂

    i felt like i had fulfilled my craving for adventure. it felt so good.

    and everywhere i went i could hear people say things like “i want rollerblades” or “that looks like so much fun”

    😀

    hearing all that made it even more fun!



  386.  #386alias girl on September 11, 2011 at 1:51 am

    and the rollerblades i have now are so much better than my other ones i used to have. i used to have to work a lot harder with my old ones.

    these ones are smoooth sailing with less effort.

    kind of like my life.



  387.  #387Daria on September 11, 2011 at 2:03 am

    wow in my dream lat nite i was in jail

    and these girls were tryna hit on me and i kept telling them no

    i don’t want to get sexual with girls

    and i had to watch them carefully in my room so they wouldnt steal stuff

    and i had some purses and i had told them how last time in jail had some similar ones and when i made these ones out of pretty color plastic i was thinking oh wow if i was in jail i would be rockin these
    and now here i was

    then i musta dreamt some more but i dono

    in the morning i kinda half dreamt half thought about having sex with nyguy



  388.  #388Butterfly Wings on September 11, 2011 at 2:28 am

    Hi everyone! I’ve been MIA cos I’ve finally moved house, and am yet to get internet connected so am using my iPhone as a modem. I have to be careful I don’t use too much bandwidth though.

    Last Monday my dog ran away and we were absolutely beside ourselves! Thankfully our beautiful next door neighbour had the good sense to call the vet first thing the next morning and she was there! OMG I could have kissed her when she came over to tell me! Well… she got a massive teary hug from me anyway! 🙂

    I absolutely LOVE living here and love it even more that it’s warming up, so my morning walk to the train is very pleasant!

    TH hasn’t been over as much, and that’s mostly because I have no internet (he often works from home and needs a decent connection), but from Thursday he’ll have no excuse! 😉

    Yesterday he worked and he caught the train after then walked up. My youngest and I took the dog for a walk to go meet him half way. Sooo nice that we can do that!

    I must be a bit hormonal right now though. I texted him earlier to see if he was going to come over tonight because I was sorting out dinner, and he’d bought some food last night which I assumed he was going to come over to eat tonight.

    His response was “Not tonight” and normally I’d be fine with it, but for some stupid reason it’s eating at me. Argh!

    To be honest, I’ve been looking forward to having a nice quiet night at home (without him), and I am doing my own thing and am happy doing so.

    So why am I letting it bother me that he’s not coming over tonight??? Weird…. It’s gotta be hormones…

    And OMG I’m sure he is a mind reader because he’s changed his mind and it seems it was all because had organised to play some part of an online game (he is SUCH a geek!!) and now it’s been cancelled. Rofl 😀



  389.  #389Daria on September 11, 2011 at 2:30 am

    wow i just got some more messages on ok cupid! yay!



  390.  #390Butterfly Wings on September 11, 2011 at 2:50 am

    Hehe! He’s coming over… 😛



  391.  #391Daria on September 11, 2011 at 3:04 am

    oh i also dreamt i was playing a game with a puppy where he had to find something (it was tied up with some string) and he smelled it out!

    and i felt surprised and happy

    and also i was in a ‘class’ with Sailor Mars from the sailor moon series and she was translating something from French to English and wanted me to look it over and i did and it was pretty good but not perfect gramatically and i tried to edit it but it kinda looked like it would all have to be rewritten and i felt guilty for doing that to her actually pretty good essay



  392.  #392Emoticon on September 11, 2011 at 5:41 am

    Sighhh Sirens it took me so long to come out and say this because I was so confused about how I felt, even if I was so in tot



  393.  #393Ella on September 11, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Hello Sirens,

    I am feeling a bit icky inside today.

    Last night one of my CDs took me to a local festival event, only a small one. It was really fun and we knew some people there.

    I had fun and I like talking with this particular CD.

    I have always felt quite unsure about him like whether or not I do find him attractive.

    He is odd and he is kinda known for being a recluse and have some weird views and ideas however spending time with him I have generally quite liked him and he has showed that he is quite a caring person.

    Also he has done LOTS of things for me, like sorting out my computer on numerous occassions and making it work properly, to coming to get me when I had a flat tyre this week to taking me out last night.

    I cooked him a couple of meals as payment for the help with computer.

    Anyway I have noticed that he is often having fueds and stand offs with people, and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. He himself says he is a paranoid person. And he is VERY judgemental of people, which just feels bad.

    He has very strong views on what is right and wrong and what is the truth or reality of a situation, and he also believes in a lot of conspiracy theories.

    In some ways I like that he is quite masculine in this way however there is no room for alternate ideas or views and this to me feels bad.

    Last night when he came over he was having a feud with this guy and he was talking about it and how he was having his revenge on this guy who he felt had treated him badly.

    To me revenge feels very uncomfortable. I said the whole thing felt bad to me and after a while I didn’t want to hear about it anymore.

    It does make me wonder whether I could ever be on the recieving end of his revenge if I did something that he thought was bad… And that makes me feel very uncomfortable and that I want to keep away.

    I noticed that he seems to feel that people treat him badly a lot…

    So I always use my FMs with him and it felt like quite a healing situation as quite a few deep topics keep coming out in conversation.

    I am totally different from him.

    Yesterday he was telling me a lot of stuff about himself, and it almost felt like he was saying ‘this is me, the bad and the ugly bit too… do you accept me?’

    I do accept him however I am not sure hoe comfortable I am being too close with him.

    Having said this I have been feeling closer to him the more time I am spending with him. And as the night went on at the festival last night I did feel attracted to him and it felt nice… kinda like having a boyfriend.

    It felt nice.

    When we got back to his flat after the festival I noticed I was being quite demanding.

    He does not do much eye contact and I really need eye contact to feel connected and trusting. But I didn’t think of this at the time so I kinda just kept pushing him a little bit to look at me, which felt weird thinking back on it.

    I know some people find eye contact hard.

    He says he is very into machines and he himself says he is odd, and he wanted me to know this about him.

    I don’t mind any of this… he is who he is.

    We were cuddling and he was kinda cuddling me but facing his head the other way and I felt disconnected and needy… but I forgot my FMs at this point and instead demanded that he cuddled me properly.

    Oops.

    Anyway the he said ‘get your kit off’ kinda half jokingly and it felt AWFUL and I said so.

    Then he began really slating this young guy who I knew at the festival and I guess was flirting a bit with me… and calling this guy names and saying he was disrespectful and he shouldn’t have been doing that when he could see I was with CD.

    It felt AWFUL esp as the guy is actually quite sweet and is only a kid anyway. And CD just sounded jealous and bitter and I felt triggered.

    I felt turned off, disgusted but most of all I felt REALLY ANGRY.

    I moved away and said I felt really angry. And then it felt like he was getting at me implying that I had been too flirty with the guy…

    And I am just realising now that it TOTALLY triggered me becuase this is what my abusive ex used to do after we had been on a night out. he one who broke my nose (years ago) and also I have let other men in the past control me and make me feel bad over stuff like this.

    I said I felt angry.

    He said well it has been all about how I have felt all evening but what about how he feels? Its all very one sided.

    Hmmm, I do want to facilitate how he feels and esp anger – want to learn to facilitate that and on the other hand I want a relationship where I am the fem energy partner and that means my feelings come first.

    I was feeliong confused and uncomfortable but mostly just very angry.

    I said I wanted to go home and he didn’t want to get up.

    Then he said if I left he would take it as very rude…

    Well that was it for me… I just walked out the door and walked home, which is about a 15 min walk.

    It was light by then.

    And I still felt FURIOUS that he did not come and get me and drop me home in the car.

    I felt disappointed… and in no way as bad as I would normally feel when a guy shows me his red flags… which is cool. I knida felt grateful in some ways…

    And I am being very gentle with myself, but I also still feel a bit confused and guilty.

    Like did I do something wrong, did I handle it badly?

    But I handled it the best way I could at the time… and it felt so bad for me in that situation at the end that it felt like the only way to really take care of myself properly was to leave…

    Oh also he is a computer genious who can hack into pretty much anything so I would not be suprised one bit if he finds and reads this.

    And I don’t care because this is my truth.

    In some ways I feel bad because he took me for a nice date and I just walked out when it got bad…

    But FFS I am A GODDESS and I won’t tolerate bad feeling situations for myself.

    I do not need to be grateful for being taken out… because any man is lucky to get my time.

    Hmmm, just feeling a bit sad inside right now.

    And also because a lot of people don’t give him any time because they view him as odd or weird so they don’t bother with him.

    I feel a bit silly because I gave him a chance… even though I was feeling very unsure… in the name of being open and RR way… giving men a chance if they want to step up.

    And now I feel like a bit of an idiot. Because look how it turned out. And I feel bad like I abandoned myself by letting someone close who I felt unsure of and is not conventionally attractive and now it seems I got it really wrong and he is bad for me and I feel like ‘what the f8ck??!!’ when will I finally be a good judge of character? When will I get it right?

    I feel afraid that I can’t trust myself to know he is good for me and I will let someone in who is very bad for me or abusive and this makes me fee SCARED AND AFRAID!

    And bad like what does it say about me that at this stage, even after all this work I am still bringing in people who turn out to be really not good for me??!!

    Do I still not feel worthy of really good guys?

    I thought I was just giving someone a chance… and it all felt ok until yesterday.

    Hmmm, not feeling great today but feel better for typing it out…



  394.  #394Ella on September 11, 2011 at 6:12 am

    I feel confused because I don’t know if I overreacted because I got triggered by old feelings of being in situations like this with abusive ex.

    But it felt bad.

    Oh and when he was sl8gging off the young guy I asked him if he was feeling jealous?

    I had expressed that I was feeling jealous when he paid some attention to a girl earlier in the night and I was ok with that.

    I thought if he could own that he was feeling jealous it could actually make things feel kinda sexy and make us feel closer but he denied that and said he was not feeling jealous.

    I said that young guy triggered him and he rejected this too.

    Hmmm, wonder what I was doing here? I know I should not be minding his feelings and I guess I just hoped he would take responsibility for his own feelings.

    To me it felt very strongly like jealousy from him and anger and him being triggered… and I can deal with ALL that… but not when a person doesn’t own it and just blames it all on other people.

    Am I being unrealistic to want a man who can own his own stuff?

    I mean I know they don’t analyse and work on their feelings generally as much as we do…

    And yet I would really feel so much better with a guy who can own his feelings, esp when I have been showing by example EXACTLY how to do this if he so chose…

    Hmmm, feeling tight in chest and icky and annoyed.

    And worried that I will never find a man who is really good for me.

    🙁



  395.  #395Ella on September 11, 2011 at 6:24 am

    Sending Love to you guys in the USA today… xxxx



  396.  #396Emoticon on September 11, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Oh wow my comment got stolen lol. So this is what happened. My ex started txting me last weekend. We had a few friendly conversations. He lives in a complex about a 10 min walk from mine so yesterday when I went 2 buy breakfast (didn’t feel like making any lol) I met up with him. We went over to his place and spent hours talking. He made me lunch and we went on talking and laughing and just having a good time! Then the story gets crazy!!!! So we were both complaining about how cold his apt is but he was wearing no shirt lol. So we started playing rock paper scissors for clothing. Obviously we both ended up naked. We were just naked talking 4 a long while. Eventually he sat on the only chair n I sat on his lap. The tension was killing me so yes, I literally leaned forward 2 kiss him but he pulled away. I felt so sad and rejected I just got up and went in bed to lay down. He immediately got up and came asking me what was wrong. All I said was I’m sad and I don’t wanna talk about it. He kept begging me to talk 2 him but I couldn’t put my feelings in words just yet. When I finally spoke up n used a FM I started crying so much. He held me in his arms like a baby for abt 20 mins jus apologizing for everything and asking over n over if I’m ok n saying he doesn’t want me 2 feel that way. Even when I stopped crying he kept holding me n rocking me n then rubbing my back n even gave me a massage. Then he put me 2 lay down n layed down next 2 me. He kept asking if I was okay. Eventually I let him kno I wasn’t sad anymore. Then it happened. He kept touching me, we ended up having sex. I fell asleep right after. When I woke up he was smiling at me n asked if I had a good nap. I said yes. I was feeling a little awkward so I got dressed and told him I was gonna go home. 5 mins after I left, he texted me, saying we can’t do that anymore. I didn’t feel like responding initially, but when I did all I said “ok” he went on texting apologizing and everything but at that point I just didn’t feel like talking to him so I didn’t respond. I eventually responded and thanked him for a good time and the comfort he gave me when I was sad but told him that the way it ended made me feel very awkward.



  397.  #397Ella on September 11, 2011 at 6:52 am

    Hmmm, Oh F8ck f8ck f8ck f8ck!

    I just realised I left my favourite pair of boots in his car!!!

    Grrr.

    I am going to need to contact him to get them back.

    I have no idea how to deal with this… do I say anything about the night? Do I just ask for my boots?

    What?

    I don’t hate him… just felt v uncomfortable with the situation.

    Any ideas Sirens?

    Hmmm weird just noticing I feel guilty talking about my miniscule problems today when people are remembering 11th Sept…

    Hmmm.

    Anyway, going for a shower now.



  398.  #398Ella on September 11, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Emoticon –

    Wow, sending you some hugs hon.

    Hope you ok.

    xxx



  399.  #399Emoticon on September 11, 2011 at 6:56 am

    Thank you Ella…I have stopped beating myself up about it.



  400.  #400Susan on September 11, 2011 at 7:01 am

    RE: 361: Tmizz

    You have already worked through this a lot and I think you are on the right track. And you are right, when you point out to people that they don’t keep their commitments, they get angry. Frankly, that is not your problem. It’s theirs. Another Siren said she’d rather have 2 dependable friends in her life than a bunch of ‘friends’ who could not be counted on. I think she is on to something. There are legitimate reasons for cancelling, but just blowing you off is rude. You deserve better treatment. I suggest hanging out with people who treat you well, even if that means shrinking your social circle.



  401.  #401Susan on September 11, 2011 at 7:07 am

    RE: 391: Emoticon

    I have been in similar situations and what I felt then and what I feel when reading your description is that he isn’t comfortable in HIS sexuality. He may be gay and trying to feel comfortable with women. But it isn’t working.



  402.  #402Susan on September 11, 2011 at 7:12 am

    RE: 392: Ella

    IMHO, just ask for the boots. He already knows things went south…



  403.  #403Emoticon on September 11, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Thank you Susan. He is actually exclusive with a woman right now which is why he pulled away. That’s y I think he felt uncomfortable. That’s also y I felt bad because we were just hanging out as friends but somebody sprayed romance up in there b4 we got there apparently lol



  404.  #404Senior Lady Vibe on September 11, 2011 at 7:20 am

    I thought I had posted this yesterday… low signal… guess didn’t go through before I left..

    @311: Emerson says:
    “…I get so scared of the convict criminal looking guys! They always try to talk to me. EEEEK. Why on earth would I be attracting that. YIKES. …”

    I wouldn’t blame myself, nothing to do with me who guys contact. I’m only resposible for accepting…or not. For all I’d know they contact everyone, especially the smiling cute ones like me!
    😀

    Did you check this resource page I posted recently? About a hundred or so dating sites…of all types:

    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/links.php

    xoxo



  405.  #405Susan on September 11, 2011 at 7:25 am

    RE: 398: Emoticon

    OH!!! That is a completely different situation.



  406.  #406DE on September 11, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Aww Emoticon …big warm hugs sweetie 🙁

    These are very good teaching moments…noticing my feelings and thoughts before accepting to hang out with an ex…and of course, after…Many good changes happened as a result 🙂

    Again, big warm hugs,



  407.  #407Starla on September 11, 2011 at 7:54 am

    Ella, just text/call/email guy and tell him you’re sorry things got tense, and you left your boots in his car and were wondering when you could get them please.



  408.  #408Starla on September 11, 2011 at 7:59 am

    I leaned forward in a big weird way to CD1 with texting this morning.

    It was 50 minutes ago. I know we’re not to lean forward, but I felt safe to do it, but now I’m not getting a response.

    So I’m using this opportunity to create different stories than the insecure, negative ones I usually get, about why he’s not texting back

    -well for one, it’s early, so hopefully he is sleeping
    -he could be in the shower and not looking at his phone
    -he is preoccupied planning our fabulous date today
    -in general he’s just not attached to checking his text messages

    this is so hard. my brain just wants to go back to “you f*cked up, Starla”



  409.  #409Wildflower on September 11, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Feeling kind of frustrated. I feel like I have to spend some time figuring out if I’m doing what I really want to be doing. But then on the other hand I wonder if that’s just my frustration and depression talking (yes I feel kind of depressed lately). I don’t want to do anything crazy like up and quit my job. I mean in many ways I have the world’s most fabulous job. People envy me. Yet I wonder if there are skills I could be using that I’m not that would make me feel more passionate about it. The thought of switching careers (if it came to that) feels terrifying because my job now feels secure and I feel worried I would take a huge financial hit and not be able to keep up my current lifestyle (and that would feel bad). I suppose it doesn’t hurt to do a little research. I bought that book “What Color is Your Parachute.” Maybe I would feel better if I was at least using some of my boy energy to look in to this. Right now I feel kind of stuck and that is making me feel crappy. Just thought I’d share 🙂



  410.  #410Ella on September 11, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Thanks Ladies

    And what I feel confused about is this…

    Are these huge red flags he is showing me or am I just reacting strongly because it is triggering my stuff?

    I mean if its like this now…

    I can’t see the wood for the trees as I am too close to the situation.

    Thanks.



  411.  #411Ella on September 11, 2011 at 8:05 am

    And do I need to apologise here?

    I still feel angry at HIM…

    Confused.



  412.  #412Starla on September 11, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Ella, they’re not really “red flags”

    Just signs that he’s not the right guy for you.

    Some people love drama, and are better matched with guys who also find their identities in conflicts everywhere with friends, family, corporations, authority…

    Just not you.

    I’m an authority-hating anarchist but i am nothing like your date last night either. I avoid people who act like him.



  413.  #413Starla on September 11, 2011 at 8:11 am

    They ARE red flags about how paranoid and conflict-prone he is. It made you feel bad, so you left. End of story. Don’t re-hash it. Don’t find ways to make yourself wrong, or even him. You took care of you. I’m really proud.



  414.  #414Starla on September 11, 2011 at 8:12 am

    More from me to Ella, haha, girl I feel like I’m on your heels sorry

    You don’t need to apologize to HIM. You’re just generally saying you are sorry it wasn’t all peaches and honey (cuz you would have preferred that)



  415.  #415Starla on September 11, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Also, I’ll fake an apology to get my favorite boots any day, but that’s just me



  416.  #416Lyka on September 11, 2011 at 8:40 am

    SLV – #179:

    Yes, “tomber en modération” can be used in that instance. Sorry for taking so long in answering you, I just got back home after spending time with my sweetie.

    Google can be helpful for words, but for whole sentences….errrr, not so much. Proof reading is definitely a must. Yep.



  417.  #417Senior Lady Vibe on September 11, 2011 at 8:42 am

    @349: Miss Bells says:
    “..Hi Sirens– If anybody is looking for an addition and/or alternative to Plenty of Fish, try OK Cupid.
    It is also free and having two sites just gives more options.”

    Thanks, Miss Bells. Please add any special tips you’d like to pass on for using the OkCupid site.

    Any other sirens using this site also please join in and add your experience.

    The Rori Raye post linked below has instructions for using the OkCupid online dating site and also information for contacting Rori for assistance with profile creation and pictures.

    That post was made a year ago; I don’t know if Rori’s “profile assistant” is still available but the post is full of information.

    “How to Use and Be Successful on OkCupid!”
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/how-to-use-and-be-successful-on-okcupid/
    Wednesday, 18 August 2010 @ 11:17am

    😀
    xoxo



  418.  #418Emerson on September 11, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Ella, I agree with Susan just ask for your boots back…I don’t feel you need to apologize. You took care of you by leaving when it felt bad, and that is a good thing. Don’t worry about not using FM every second…nobody is perfect.

    Honestly the guy sounds like he may have some mental disturbances/mental illness.

    I’m no psychiatrist, but I have worked with mentally ill people and some of the symptoms are ringing a bell that he maybe needs medication or psych help.

    You are very kind and accepting for being “open” to someone unconventional and dating him. If he’s not for you then it was just practice.

    Also BTW The whole revenge thing creeps me out.



  419.  #419Senior Lady Vibe on September 11, 2011 at 9:00 am

    @405: Wildflower says:
    “…I bought that book “What Color is Your Parachute…”

    That’s a truly ancient book but still a good one. I prefer a couple of other series, particularly for people who might not even want “jobs.” …. I know I don’t.

    My take on things is a “job” isn’t fabulous if I’d rather be doing something else most of the time. I’ve never given much value to having people envy me; although last year when someone told me they envied me I had to admit I envied myself also…
    😆

    Check out Barbara Sher for figuring out what you want to do and more importantly figuring out HOW to do it! And/or try the Kate Wendelton series and her “Five o’clock club” career planning for executives (or anyone else…)

    I’ve got a bunch of links, but Google is your friend. I hope you are in a place beyond a resume which is a list of job descriptions and job duties, all neatly stacked in reverse chronological order, right???

    Life is short, have fun. You call the shots.

    😀

    xoxo



  420.  #420AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 9:05 am

    I hate to see my mom and dad fight. It is disturbing when I feel I side with my mom I don’t like siding but that is my mom. Don’t be a doucheee for no reason geez. Your tired take a nap!~



  421.  #421Emerson on September 11, 2011 at 9:07 am

    SLV I always love your posts and your light approach and way of thinking is contagious…
    I feel a sense of peace when I read your words, your vibe must be attracting some amazing prospects!



  422.  #422AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 9:07 am

    I told my mom that I learned from the best and enjoy being single no drama. It is about my kids and I and if someone dares come along for the ride so be it. Not very inviting I know. My days of man pleasing are very numbered.



  423.  #423Senior Lady Vibe on September 11, 2011 at 9:09 am

    @412: Lyka says:
    “.. I just got back home after spending time with my sweetie…”

    Thanks, spending time with a “sweetie” is definitely “cool.” I need some French for that. Maybe I’ll so some French lessons online or IRL start hanging out at Alliance Francaise again… I haven’t done that in about thirty years. I don’t rememer much… 😆

    xoxo



  424.  #424Starla on September 11, 2011 at 9:18 am

    I feel misunderstood. i am just saying to say sorry so he doesn’t feel persecuted and then do something whacktastic like not give the boots back or make it really dramatic and hard for Ella.



  425.  #425Emerson on September 11, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Feeling sad remembering 911 🙁 The day is so clear in my mind, I woke up to the radio and the news reporter was talking about the second tower being hit. Still feel the shock at the pit of my stomach and feels like tears and chokey feeling…. 🙁



  426.  #426Daria on September 11, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Emoticon – wow well good for you for telling him you felt awkward!

    i would feel awful if he said ‘we can’t do that anymore’ ugh

    it sounds like u handled it so well
    by beung honest



  427.  #427Sweetpea on September 11, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Ella, re: 338: I’d like to encourage you to not feel so down on yourself. The reason Rori encourages CDing and giving any guy who steps up a chance is for OUR HEALING. I don’t think this situation reflects badly on you at all. He was there for your healing. This has nothing to do with whether he was a bad choice. The fact that he brought up feelings in you similar to a previous bad relationship, in my mind, simply confirms that he was sent to you for your further healing around these issues.

    I also believe, for me at least, that CDing helps me to build my intuition so I can learn to listen to my gut and avoid relationships with men who are not good for me in the future. You were feeing unsure about him. Do you think this was your intuition telling you – this guy is “no bueno” for you? You did what Rori encourages us to do and you should be congratulating yourself for it. You gave him a chance, he brought up some things for you that need healing – he did his job. What I’m wondering though, is can you explore the “unsure” feelings around him and how, specifically it felt? It seems to me the “unsure” could have been you intuition throwing a red flag at you and might it not be helpful to be aware of exactly what that felt like, so in the future when you feel it you can get out before it gets uncomfortable? Is that possibly the real lesson for you here? Rori encourages giving any guy a chance who doesn’t bring out unsafe feelings. Can you explore this as an opportunity to learn the difference between feeling unsure and feeling unsafe?

    These were my thoughts when I read your post. From what I read, I don’t see that you have anything to be ashamed of. This is an excellent opportunity for healing and growth for you and it’s exactly what CDing is meant for – facilitating our healing and helping us discover what we don’t want. You’re now one step closer to your Mr. Right! And you are a powerful. Goddess. Don’t let a mere mortal intimidate you. Go get your boots! 😀



  428.  #428Ella on September 11, 2011 at 11:17 am

    HI Sirens,

    Thanks so much for all the info… that is really helpful.

    I like the idea of not making either him or me wrong…

    And that he was there for my healing. I definitely got triggered around old stuff of being controlled by men and that’s when I made the decision to walk out the door.

    And I love what you are saying Sweetpea about taking the good out of the situation ie: he did his job as a CD, I did my job ib CD-ing him and had a chance to explore uncomfortable/unsafe feelings.

    For me the unsure initially was just kinda a little uncomfortable ie: NVs around what will people think if they see me with this unconventional guy… and fear around allowing someone a bit different close to me.

    Also fear around being with someone whose not really, really hansome (he’s not ugly either) and stuff like that, and those were all uncomfortable/unsure sort of feelings so I decided to continue CD-ing him, and also the stepping up and nice qualities made me want to continue…

    And then last hearing all about the fueds and the revenge stuff my feelings began to er towards unsafe… and then at last the b8tching about the young guy and the attempt to control me leaving, which felt to me manipulative, felt unsafe… and just those paranioa stuff made me feel unsafe.

    And so I left.

    So all ok really I guess I just hung in there a little longer than I would have had I been more aware of these feelings and what they mean, and I guess there is the lesson (thanks Sweetpea).

    And I do feel a little sad because even though we are not supposed to have a view of having a relationship it did feel nice having that ‘I’ve got a boyfriend’ type of feeling for an evening.

    And I still feel triggered to fearful feelings around being seen with so many different guys, most of whom know each other, and the labels people give to that.

    I feel super paranoid and uncomfortable about this and I hear words like sl8t and sl8g around me all the time and it feels super triggery and very sad and scary… kinda unsafe like I could be witch hunted, like it used to be for women… ancient fears.

    I feel afraid of this.

    Anyway onwards and upwards… I have another CD on his way over to pick me up for a date and I will contact the other dude for my boots soon.

    Thanks Sireny Sisters.



  429.  #429AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Feeling a bit triggered right now just do to some thinking back about past CD’s I guess. Why would you show me her picture. That was something intentional to hurt me. Thats not nice!



  430.  #430AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 11:27 am

    I wish I could just fill you sirens in on my experience but there is so much to the story! I don’t think I could even paint a clear picture of it right now. Maybe one day!



  431.  #431AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Why does our hearts fight our heads on situations. Which one are you supposed to listen to. AmazingMe is not so amazing today. What a bummer, I just want happiness too. That is too much to ask, sometimes I wonder what god’s plan is for me…



  432.  #432Lyka on September 11, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Susan – #341:

    Well, that’s a great gift to have! Tx again! 🙂



  433.  #433Jeannette on September 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Man I am i a funk. One year ago tomorrow the 12th, Steve proposed marriage to me. Okay, I’m already down since he passed away on June the 20th. I was given his cell phone by a family member about 2 wks. ago. Last night I got on it and looked at text msg.’s from long ago. Like 6 or 8 mo.s ago. Now mind you Steve didn’t do the texting and neither do I. But when I opened up messages it said he had some text’s. So naturally I looked at them. Some were spam and then there was one or two mysterious ones. One said, “how come you wern’t at the mall….thought you were going to stalk me?” And another one said, “This is pash…” So I called the number about Pash and I asked her her name and she said Passionate. Oh that’s what I want to hear!! She said she did not know any Steve Johnson and knew a Samantha Johnson. The first name starts with Steve’s first. He told me several months ago he was getting calls from people he didn’t know. I want to believe that! He’s dead and I can’t even ask him anything!! I just don’t want to think the worst because he was such a sweet guy. Sometimes people just text the wrong people by mistake. But it makes me a little on edge today, the day before he proposed to me a year before. Any comments would be welcome.



  434.  #434Sweetpea on September 11, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Ella, do you think you stayed too long, or do you think you needed to experience your inner strength when you were able to walk away from an icky situation? What would have happened in the past if you had walked away from abusive ex guy the moment it started feeling icky? I agree that this guy seems a little spooky. Like he possibly needs some professional help, but you were brave and did what you felt was the right thing by CDing him. And I feel very proud of you for walking away when things started to trigger bad feelings in you.

    Have fun on your date!! I know what you’re talking about around feeling worried others are tagging you as a sl8t, etc. It seems lots of people still feel threatened by women rejoicing in their feminine power. I feel sad thinking about it. It is very much like that “witch hunt” feeling I think. We’re expected to be “good girls” and settle down with the first guy who “will have us” these days. Yeah right! I say phooey to that! I like the saying, “good girls go to heaven: bad girls go everywhere.” Wish I had more words of wisdom around this, but alas! It’s something I struggle with as well.



  435.  #435Sweetpea on September 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Jeanette,

    It’s been awhile since I’ve been on Siren Island and this is the first I’ve heard of Steve’s passing. I’m so sorry! My heart hurts for you. I wouldn’t give a second’s thought to those texts. If he wasn’t a texter, it’s likely the only reason they’re still there is that he didn’t know how to delete them & they really were a faux pas. Is there really any other reason he wouldn’t have deleted them?

    Seems to me he was a very ill man & wouldn’t have had the energy to pursue any extracurricular excitement in any case. And last, but not least – tell those NVs to take a hike. I don’t believe from what little I heard of him, and I don’t believe you do either in your heart of hearts, that he was a man who would have been meeting up with random women at the mall.

    Warm hugs to you.



  436.  #436English Woman on September 11, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Ladies just sending BIG hugs to you Americans {{{{ HUGS}}} on 9/11.

    On another note I spent a weekend with my friend and her man………she is very much an alpha type and he is probably very much into his feminine energy, very interesting to observe, but man he is such a gourmet start from scratch chef!!



  437.  #437AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    @428 I am sorry for your loss but I agree tell your NV’s to take a hike! I think that if anything you are a brave woman. Embrace yourself and take care of you. Seems to me that is what Steve would want 🙂 I couldn’t imagine going through that situation. I give you props and know it must be hard at times. I cannot say I understand your pain because I am sure it is different. I lost my grandma and grandpa within 3 months of eachother due to cancer. I lost one of my aunts a couple years before that. I wish I could say it was god’s plan but it makes me angry. I miss them so much but my faith is what keeps me going. If you ever need a friend you have one here 🙂 XOXO



  438.  #438Wildflower on September 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    RE 414 SLV thanks for the tips. I will check that out. I also took a position a few years ago that I don’t feel as happy doing. At the time I thought it was an oppurtunity to learn more–which it was. But I don’t feel nearly as happy doing it as I did in my other position. So that’s a possibility. I also live overseas in a country where I don’t speak the language. I’m learning slowly but I work with Americans so it feels difficult to learn. So I just wonder about all of these things sometimes.



  439.  #439Emerson on September 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    431 thank you EW that means so much 🙂



  440.  #440Wildflower on September 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    i was just IMing with a guy. he asked me if I’ve ever been married and I told him no and then asked him i felt curious why he was asking. he told me he calls that “Overseas teacher Syndrome” since he knows a lot of older women who work for my organization who are still single. That is a HUGE NV for me…HUGE…even though I also know a lot of women who work for my organization who are married. So I responded I feel sad and awful…but now that I think about it I guess I actually felt sad and ticked off (darn that anger gotta get better at expressing that). anyway he apologized and told me he’s never been married either and feels sad about it. i wonder what this is coming up to heal?



  441.  #441Wildflower on September 11, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    then i had another CD send me an email. he had asked me to send him a color pic. he sent me one of him so i sent him the color version of the one i have on my eharmony profile. (he lives in a different country so it’s not super easy to just go have coffee or something).he responded, “your pic is really pretty. it looks sort of professional though” (it is a prof pic but i don’t have a ton of makeup on and i told the photographer i wanted natural) i felt so irritated and pissed off by that comment. i’m feeling very put upon and defensive. my pic isn’t air brushed or anything. i haven’t responded yet 🙁



  442.  #442tinque on September 11, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Tmizz – You are attracting what you’ve been putting out there, and regardless of whether you can coaxed otherwise, you are still putting out this energy.

    The more you stay true to your word and consistently, the less you will experience the flaky behavior from others. It will tend to just fall by he wayside.

    As for money being owed, this you have to take care of. Something like, “I feel uncomfortable (weird, uneasy) asking you this, but I really could use that $—- I loaned you the other day.”

    xxoo



  443.  #443Jeannette on September 11, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Any comments for post # 428?



  444.  #444Sweetpea on September 11, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Tinque,

    Since you’re commenting on tmizz’s flake dilemma and I so value your input on here, would you mind commenting on this? I wanted to respond to Tmizz earlier but my phone’s been “flaking” on me intermittently. I’m one of the most steady relieable people I know – and my few steady, reliable friends confirm this. Yet I have a problem with people flaking on me. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve stopped accepting the behavior – I’ve weeded people out of my life who I simply can’t depend on. But there are a couple of hangers-on who have good reasons when they flake and I simply don’t make plans with them. If they call me up & spontaneously want to do something and I can, I go – but NO ADVANCE PLANS (yes. I’m adamant about it. 🙂

    Yet now one of my dependable friends has been diagnosed with liver cancer – he called me Fri to ask if I could take him to the hospital Sat morning and I gate it! I lost my Mom 22 years ago today and am living with my sister (epileptic and they’re still trying to get meds straight) and adopted mom (has kidney failure & on the brink of dialysis). I feel completely overwhelmed (and this day is always hard for me anyway). I felt resentful of him calling me and just like it’s too much! I wanted to flake out in the worst way, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it! I don’t think I’m attracting this behavior into my life, but I feel maybe a little jealous of the people who CAN just blow people off. Do you think maybe that’s how I’m attracting it to me, and any suggestions on how to break the cycle?

    I read somewhere to adamantly reject this type of behavior and that it will break its hold. I’ve done so to the point of telling a client to go elsewhere after she flaked on me twice, but still, I find I have flakey people in my life. Although maybe it’s getting better now that I think of it. But it’s still there.

    Love ya & congrats on your book being published! How exciting!!



  445.  #445Sweetpea on September 11, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Jeanette,

    Not sure whether you missed or are jsut looking for more, but I commented at 430 & AmazingMe at 432. Much love and sorry for your loss!



  446.  #446Jeannette on September 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Sweetpea and Amazing ME, What is a NV? I don’t know!!



  447.  #447AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    @441 NV= Negative Voices 🙂 Sorry I didnt know the term either before!



  448.  #448Ella on September 11, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Jeanette –

    NV = Negative Voice xxx



  449.  #449Ella on September 11, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Sweetpea,

    Thanks for being so supportive! It feels really nice and I feel cared for.

    And gentler with myself for deciding to CD this guy and then walking away… the thought did cross my mind that I must have made progress because I didn’t walk away from ickniess with past exes…

    Now I do!

    🙂

    xoxoxo



  450.  #450AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    @444 Yay Ella gives me hope 🙂



  451.  #451AmazingMe on September 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    So I have been putting off this mountain of laundry in my room and am finally bulldozing through it. Thank You AmazingMe for taking care of my laundry 😛



  452.  #452Emoticon on September 11, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Thank you Daria! Thanks to CDing I have gotten lots of practice being honest and authentic. Feels good to not stuff feelings in the fear of hurting or offending someone!



  453.  #453Sweetpea on September 11, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Jeanette, sorry for using abbreviations you’re not familiar with. Thank you for being brave enough to ask. Hope you’re feeling better.

    Ella, yes! Exactly! We’re all here making baby steps and it’s really all about perspective. Until we can love ourselves unconditionally, I think it’s awful tough for a man to. No harm done and no reason for you to feel badly about yourself that I can see. You took care of you and that’s the best thing we can learn here, I believe. I feel happy I helped you to feel better and I hope you had fun on your date!



  454.  #454Jeannette on September 11, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Sweetpea and anyone else willing to listen…I finally broke down and called the number with the text about going to the mall etc. The mother took the phone out of some 14 year olds hands and asked me what was going on. I told her her daughter texted Steved and said what she said. The girl said it was a mistake, that she was passing the phone around amongst g-friends and he was texted on accident. The only other one puzzling was the woman who answered and called her self “Passion” when I asked her her name. This was an old text from Jan. of this year. I called because the text read, It’s pash….what are you up to?” When she told me her name when I called her it was rather upsetting. I said to myself, “Please God let this be a wrong number.” She told me she did not know a Steve Johnson and thought a minute. She said she knew a Samantha Johnson but no Steve. So I give up. I think people do dial wrong numbers and I don’t text, but maybe you can just press a wrong number on the keypad or something. I just want to think positive, tomorrow is our one year anniversary since he proposed. I want to go to his grave side and lay flowers out and just think all good thoughts. Can someone tell me what you think of the “Passionate” call? Please give your true thoughts. I want peace of mind…he is someone I love so much. Am I just having the NV because I’m down or something?



  455.  #455tinque on September 11, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    Sweetpea – Thank you for your congratulations, but my book has been out for quite sometime; I’m even on to the second edition. Rori was giving me a lovely reminder plug which I very much appreciate. It’s available through my site
    http://sexandheart.com/ebook
    as well as LRR.

    As for your situation, I don’t believe in being adamant about anything. For the most part you don’t want to accept disrespectful behavior, and I deem flakiness in this category, BUT there are always exceptions.

    Things can and do come up, serious things, and this is where you would want to exercise some understanding and letting go.

    If it’s a habit with someone, than yes for the most part.

    Being adamant is to be rigid. Where there is rigidity, there is resistance. Nothing or little can flow through resistance. So in essence you could be keeping out some wonderful opportunities or if nothing else, love and compassion.

    Boundaries are important, but they don’t have to be set in stone nor be impenetrable.

    As for you feeling overwhelmed with what’s going on already and then having additional requests placed on you, here is where you can set a boundary which YOU need for YOU in order to keep your sanity let alone balance.

    You can say, “I’m so sorry. I would love to help you out, but I am feeling so overwhelmed with all that’s going on.”

    Yes he may feel slighted, angry even, but you would be no good to him and certainly not yourself if you act with resentment in your heart.

    xxoo



  456.  #456Susan on September 11, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    428: Jeannette

    Please don’t torture yourself. There is nothing to be gained but pain.



  457.  #457Emoticon on September 11, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Accept my sympathy Jeannette. Please don’t let ur NV have u thinking crazy about ur deceased fiancé. I feel like it doesn’t really matter what the texts were about.

    Emoticon!



  458.  #458Miss Bells on September 11, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    @Jeanette
    It appears that all of these really were wrong numbers. I would just decide that this is the truth of it and let it go. He loved YOU enough to propose. Sometimes we get hung up on weird things when deep grief is at hand. Let yourself honor his memory and feel the REAL grief for the loss rather than finding something to obsess about.
    I know the draw of this: When I lost my husband some years ago I went through down some similar paths.
    Bless you and I hope you find some peace on this anniversary.



  459.  #459tinque on September 11, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Yes Jeanette, you are being plagued by big nasty nasty voices or gremlins as I like to call them. Let this go sweetie. He’s gone. He loved you and showed you his love despite his condition and despite the condition of his brother. You really have to focus on the good stuff, the love. If you’re going to make up stories, you might as well make them up good.

    xxoo



  460.  #460Jeannette on September 11, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Thank you Miss Bells, I am sorry about your husbands passing, I didn’t know. I am going through alot of emotion with the anniversary tomorrow. I am missing him so bad that I think I’m actually a little screwed up at the moment. I told his sister about the texts and she just said, “That is real weird.” No consoling or nothing. She’s the one who gave me his cell phone. I said, “I don’t believe Steve would have been unfaithful, it was the most trying time of his life. She agreed. He even took care of his dying brother who was on hospice. He was on overload. Susan and Emotocon, thanks too for your words. I just pray I can get through all this.



  461.  #461luzydel on September 11, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    My NV’s are torturing me right now…