Special Video: Unwrap The Gift Of Love This Season

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 6:23 am

    What a lovely picture

  2.  #2Starla on December 14, 2011 at 7:02 am

    1st is the worst SECOND IS THE BEST yeahhhh!

  3.  #3Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Starla I love your energy. I am feeling so inspired by you.

  4.  #4Rose on December 14, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Aw Rori looks beautiful…

  5.  #5Starla on December 14, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Aw thanks FW i feel so accepted reading your post to me:)

  6.  #6Starla on December 14, 2011 at 8:34 am

    Well I am glad I reported for Team Lean Back, I was overwhelmed with thoughts of “you’re wonderful!” that i wanted to text him, but i just kept letting it go, telling myself “of course he already knows you think he’s great.”

    and then I got a text from him, “you’re wonderful!”

    hah. Thank you, my handsome leaning forward, boat rowing friend.

  7.  #7Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 8:46 am

    “The moment you pay for something you turn into a “friend.”

    A date is about romance. It’s not about companionship or friendship. And it’s not about sex, either. It’s about building a romantic relationship step-by-step through dating. In order for romance to happen or even get started, a man has to feel like a man.

    What does it take for a man to feel like a man? He needs to feel appreciated for his manly, masculine qualities like his brain power, his decision-making, and for what he can provide —even if it’s a frozen yogurt or a walk in the park.”


  8.  #8Rose on December 14, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Hi Ladies..

    It feels good to write about my experience yesterday here..It will be my own processing about the situation..

    On my way home yesterday, I was on the subway..a man got on..(it was crowded) I knew he was looking at me..I almost felt his energy..I kept looking over at him..I felt something..an attraction..He spelled like smoke and alcohol..(This reminded me of my late husband, a heavy smoker, he drank alot..)

    All of a sudden he reaches over, extends his hand and introduces himself..I felt a mix of surprise, not surprise, fear, attraction, a whole mix of things came up..He started asking me questions, we talked, he was a little drunk, his eyes dilated..
    He is an electrician..He reminded me of my late husband the rough workman hands, the way he spoke to me..he was attractive..
    He said he’d like to take me to dinner and asked for my number…The Rori way would be to give my number..I felt fear, like I needed time to think about it..I took his..

    I cried when I got off the train, It brought up all kinds of feelings for me..memories…The pain I went through with my husband and alcohol..
    I feel wondering and inquisitive as what does this mean? Maybe I am thinking to much into it..Like what if I contact him..It could be good CD practice..I don’t want a do over..

    I already am in a relationship…with a man who has no vice, is good to me…I feel fear of vices, smoke alcohol..

    I feel curious…about him…about this man who reminds me of my husband so much showing up in my life…

    Any comments are welcome..It just felt good processing this and sharing..

  9.  #9Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Rose I believe you should have given him your number. He taught you that you fears are still alive and well in your body. Also that maybe you are comfortable calling men for the first time?

    I also do believe that he could trigger you in a way that could help you heal some old wounds/demons that might still be hidden. Hopefully there should be no harm in talking on the phone to share about your husband and maybe find out about this human being that might be hurting. For all you know your husband’s spirit could be in him and wanting to apologize for any hurt he might have caused you. You just never know.

  10.  #10Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Here’s where you Outgirl Him. You simply outlast him.

    That’s right. He sits there, you stand there. Or you go into the kitchen, or get a book or magazine and sit at the dining table and read, or you do your nails or try on clothes, or anything that seems fun and can calm you down.

    Step 3 – He’ll make a move.

    Now, I can’t promise you it will be the exact move you want, but it will be a step in the right direction. He might ask you what you’re doing and why you aren’t sitting with him. He might comment on the TV show he’s watching or on what he’s doing.

    Step 4 – Leanback, Open Your Heart, and Speak In Feeling Messages

    You’ll say something like – “Oh, I feel hooked on this magazine article – it feels so great to read about how DNA works, or how to cook Tuscan style, or I feel hooked on this book – the character feels so much like me…

    Step 5 – He’ll Respond

    He may go “Oh” and leave you right where you are. Or, he may get up and come on over to you. If he does, if he moves at all, then –

    Step 6 – Lean back even more. Smile at him. Unzip Your Heart even more. This is Your Turn to Respond.

    If he touches you, on purpose or by accident, MELT (practice with the Toolkit). Speak in feeling messages about your pleasure – “Oh, that feels good…”

    Step 7 – Stay Tuned In To Your FEELINGS, repeat all the other steps over and over until they start to come naturally to you.

    Step 8 – Be Amazed

    What will happen is that as you step down from the “boy” plate in your relationship by “going to girl” even in the smallest conversations, you’ll be stunned as even your “girl” man starts to step up to the plate!

    Let me know how Outgirling Him works for you.

    Love, Rori

  11.  #11Starla on December 14, 2011 at 9:21 am

    ah yes, outgirling works GREAT.

    even better with a man who is prone to masculing energy:) cuz sometimes i lack the patience for outgirling a fem man. But with patience, it still works great!!

  12.  #12Rose on December 14, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I love this Femininewoman: “I also do believe that he could trigger you in a way that could help you heal some old wounds/demons that might still be hidden. ”

    “For all you know your husband’s spirit could be in him and wanting to apologize for any hurt he might have caused you”

    I feel teary reading this, thank you..I have more healing to do around this..

    Your words feel comforting..you maybe right..

    I feel like I need healing around fear..Maybe because I live in NYC? I feel hesitant giving my number..
    humm something to ponder…

    I feel inspired to text him now out of curiosity…

  13.  #13Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Rose I live in NYC too and I give out my number. I encourage you to write it on a piece of paper and ask yourself what is scary about it or someone you don’t know using it. I feel hesitant too but I do it just to trigger myself sometimes. I have found that some of the guys who walk up to me and ask for my number don’t use it. Remember men live for the moment. They might feel something and forget it as soon as they walk away or start focussing on something else. This is about you. See now he built attraction in you in a way that you might not have been aware of. It would have been the other way around if you had given him the number because he would not have expected you to give it to him. He would have been intrigued.

  14.  #14Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Also Rose, he is showing you that maybe your curiousity could get you to push your fear in the background? Do you think that from moment to moment you could get more curious about yourself, your life?

  15.  #15Starla on December 14, 2011 at 10:03 am

    oooo FW i love knowing that you live in NYC. I am from NYC originally:)

  16.  #16lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:06 am


    i have a question about exes…

    CDcd ended a 6 year relationship about 10 months ago. when he says something about her (explaining a story or telling me about his life or in response to a question i ask) i just say nothing & listen….

    but i’m just not sure if i can say something to him about it…. or if i can say something even just like… “I feel curious about what it’s like to end a 6 year relationship… & I wonder if you still feel good that you dated & that you broke up ?……… i know i feel good about the men I’ve dated exclusively & also about breaking up with them… what do you think ?”

    i really want to know if he feels peaceful about it or… i don’t know.

    what do other sirens think ? : )

  17.  #17lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:09 am

    i don’t know now. i remember him saying when i said i was glad we broke up (about ht) that he said, “i’m glad i broke up with my ex too, because now i met you”

    that feels good, but i don’t want to feel like a replacement or something…

  18.  #18Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 10:18 am

    lk I am wondering if he is still hung up on her.

  19.  #19Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 10:20 am

    I’ve been here for a while Starla

  20.  #20lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:27 am

    @FW 18

    me too….

    so …….. ?

    it feels scary to date a man & still wonder if he would want his ex back if she wanted to be together too…..

  21.  #21laughing goddess on December 14, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Great pic, Rori. You look hot!

  22.  #22lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:30 am

    but i also do feel that he doesn’t see me as a “filler” …

    he talks to his family & friends about me : ) & he has explained to me his plans for the future & actually when i was talking about my dreams of working from home, he said, oh great then you could just play with Doggie all day & relax : )

  23.  #23Starla on December 14, 2011 at 10:33 am

    lk, that is your stuff, not his, methinks

  24.  #24lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:37 am

    ahh, danke, Starla

    you may be very right.

    i need to trust that he is a man & that he wouldn’t “mess” with me if he wasn’t ready : )

    i just keep thinking of *MY* exes, you’re correct, & how they both (after 3 years together & 5 years / 1 year apart) *STILL* are “mad” at me for ending something so “special” ummmmm……. & both Pursue me……. but they both forget that I have had *2* relationships like that, so I know that feeling that way isn’t SO “special” – though it really is special & amazing, just not totally unique…

    ok, i can stop projecting the feelings of ht & jx onto CDcd : )

    i can just trust him to be a man & know himself & value me enough to be careful with my feelings

  25.  #25Starla on December 14, 2011 at 10:38 am

    lk, also, the cure for all this fear he will go back to her before you guys have something committed together, is circular dating.

  26.  #26Starla on December 14, 2011 at 10:40 am

    i have 2 DR’s appointments, 2 dentist appointments, and 2 salon appointments in less than 24 hours. wowwww my boy energy is busy

  27.  #27lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:40 am

    like… i wouldn’t want to be another girl & date ht or jx & discover later on that they are both still in contact & wooing me & think of me as their original Muse

    but if the girl was a real siren, she’d just do her thing & the men would forget about me : ) or just start to think of me as their Training Woman, with whom they learned to practice a healthy loving relationship : )

  28.  #28lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:42 am

    thanks, starla – i have not forgotten or stopped my circular dating. though it seems the universe has deemed it appropriate to send fewer men my way, slow the flow, as it were……..

    hm, though now i hear your reminder, i’m curious if my vibe has shifted to a less open one… i’ll make an effort to be super open at the party today & over the weekend : ) thank you!

  29.  #29laughing goddess on December 14, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Oh my gosh, I just looked in the mirror and genuinely thought “I look great”. I was noticing the curve of my cheekbone, the luminosity of my skin.

    Sometimes I will look in the mirror and try to intentionally tell myself I am beautiful.

    But this came with no effort.

    I just saw my genuine beauty.

    This has happened a few times in my life, where I will just catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think I look beautiful.

    Most of the time, I am noticing some flaw I have or problem.

    I want more moments of feeling genuine awe for my beauty. That felt incredible!

    More of that please, Universe!

  30.  #30laughing goddess on December 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

    lk: “i’m curious if my vibe has shifted to a less open one… i’ll make an effort to be super open at the party today & over the weekend : ) thank you!”

    Ya, I’ve noticed a shift in your vibe a little bit about him, which is totally normal after having had such a great time with him.

    I love that we can catch ourselves and make these micro-adjustments.

    Yay, sirenness!

  31.  #31VW on December 14, 2011 at 10:54 am


    Wow…beautiful…you look stunning! The hair looks amazing!

    warm hugs,

  32.  #32lk on December 14, 2011 at 10:56 am

    lol, laughing goddess : )

    yeah, i feel it strongly with him : )

    hmmm… let me work myself up a little & shake around the energy…………. well, there is DCcd : ) he came around to get my number after seeing me in my office LOL ……
    also, my buddy who wants me to go out with him – & OMG I had almost forgotten about that superbuzz with FScd !!! wow, what in the world. i have really centralized my focus without realizing : )

    ok, let’s now just picture CDcd flowing out of my life just like he flowed in… just smiling & waving & watching his boat move away down the water : ) bye !!! it was nice meeting you : )

    & oh, there are boats ahead of him & boats behind him

    that’s a healing image : )

    thanks, ladies : )

  33.  #33laughing goddess on December 14, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Sometimes it helps to remind myself that he’s just a guy, and it’s not really about him, rather about the feelings I am having.

    I love feeling love and attraction and safe and intrigued. I love the magic of two beings coming together. I love experiencing this. I look forward to allowing more and more feelings of pleasure into my life.

    And then it becomes more about me attracting more those feelings into my life rather than falling for the illusion that they can only come from him.

  34.  #34lk on December 14, 2011 at 11:00 am


    “And then it becomes more about me attracting more those feelings into my life rather than falling for the illusion that they can only come from him.”

    amazing : ) thank you

    wow i feel scared that they really do only come from him ! wow what a thing to find myself believing…

    oh, lk – what about dw ? he’s just a friend, but he feels safe & amazing & he’s beautiful as a man also…. my brother : ) he’s like that, though obviously not attractive or ideologically appealing…

    anyway, yes, that’s a false belief : )

  35.  #35VW on December 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Rose # 8

    Hmm…I think I know you beautiful! 🙂

    I agree with FW 🙂 A great opportunity to bring out those unhealed feelings from your experience with you late husband…

    I would shift the fears (of course, after giving them some N***y love) to “thank you Universe/God for bringing this man in my path…even if for a few minutes…”

    Don’t beat yourself up because u are in a relationship…I don’t feel your “juice” with this man …:( so, only through Circular dating you would find out if you could truly be present with this man, appreciate him, and know if he is the man for u…

    I want to feel your “aliveness”…:)

    warm hugs,

  36.  #36Lourdes on December 14, 2011 at 11:03 am

    I just purchased your reconnect CD’s. About boundaries. I am in a difficult situation. I am trying to get out of a 31 year marriage. I asked for a separation/divorce in July of 2010. Due to financial reasons (share a business, that’s not doing well and a house) I cannot afford to move out yet. I have met someone that I am interested in (he knows my situation). Now I do have the boundaries of preferring to be picked up on dates, which I cannot practice, due to my situation. I have met him for dinner a couple of times, we have a great time. We have chatted on line a lot for 6 months, which I have almost stopped doing because I find them too impersonal and he knows I don’t like it. So he has started to call me instead (which is good). We say we are friends, but I think he wants more. I think he’s waiting on me to give him some kind of sign. I just don’t know what to do. Through out the months I have known him, he has dated other women. Which makes me sad, but I cannot say anything, I don’t have a right too. Please help.


  37.  #37VW on December 14, 2011 at 11:07 am


    I love the way you described noticing your radiance and beauty 🙂

    I experience these moments at times too …and indeed are to be memorable…being more aware these days about “absorbing” and “memorizing” good feelings, I appear to “recreate” or “manifest” these feelings more often…

    And you are gorgeous by the way:)

    warm hugs,

  38.  #38laughing goddess on December 14, 2011 at 11:10 am

    lk, I love that visualization with the boats!

    I am completely obsessing over this one song this morning and I feel inspired to share it with you.


    There is a button to preview all the songs on the new album.

    Go to playlist and choose “apparently”

    Oh my gosh, it’s a perfect soundtrack for what we are discussing right now. <3

  39.  #39laughing goddess on December 14, 2011 at 11:21 am

    “being more aware these days about “absorbing” and “memorizing” good feelings, I appear to “recreate” or “manifest” these feelings more often…”

    Oh ya!

    Speaking of gorgeous, my jaw dropped when I saw your most recent profile pic. Stunning, radiant goddess, for sure! I felt the same sense of joy I feel when gazing upon a blooming flower.

  40.  #40VW on December 14, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Aww, LG….:) Thank you…lets *hug* 🙂 I have indeed more radiant and glowing moments these days…lol

  41.  #41Rose on December 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

    #13 I feel reassured hearing your experience Femininewoman, my fellow NYC girl…

    Humm I feel fear around giving out my number..why? yes I wonder.. I have thoughts coming back from my mother..Be careful of crazy people..you never know..Don’t give out your number to random strangers..

    wow I feel I am starting to heal with these beliefs…
    I would have never even acknowledged someone on the subway, My first instinct was to avert my eyes even, which I did for a split second..

    “Also Rose, he is showing you that maybe your curiousity could get you to push your fear in the background? Do you think that from moment to moment you could get more curious about yourself, your life?”

    Yes yes wow this didn’t occur to me..Being more curious about myself and my life…this is my journey, I didn’t know who I was for a very long time…

    I feel excited, I feel open to try this experiment…and giving my number..

  42.  #42Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 11:53 am

    A guy just came up to me and I was saying to him what you coming here for why don’t u stay in your place. He responds “I just can’t get enough of you babe”.

    Get this. I felt soft so I allowed my body to kind of go limp and as soon as the words “I feel like melting” came out of my mouth he said “melt” and busted out laughing. haha It proves to me that they are really sensitive enough to to feel what goes on beneath the surface before the words come out of our mouths.

  43.  #43Rose on December 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Rose # 8

    Hmm…I think I know you beautiful! 🙂

    I agree with FW 🙂 A great opportunity to bring out those unhealed feelings from your experience with you late husband…

    I would shift the fears (of course, after giving them some N***y love) to “thank you Universe/God for bringing this man in my path…even if for a few minutes…”

    Don’t beat yourself up because u are in a relationship…I don’t feel your “juice” with this man …:( so, only through Circular dating you would find out if you could truly be present with this man, appreciate him, and know if he is the man for u…

    I want to feel your “aliveness”…:)

    warm hugs,

    VW #35

    I think I know you too, gorgeous!! ;o)

    I feel appreciative I’ve your feedback too beautiful..
    I realize I still have some unhealed issues around my late husband..Little by little I feel the healing…

    I have been feeling resistance to CDing..I think yesterday’s experience made me see, I have been holding back….


  44.  #44Rose on December 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    #41 Wow I felt smiley reading that..men really pick up feelings more than I ever thought..I love you how melted…beautiful..

  45.  #45Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    RE 40 Rose I have lived that experience here in New York. I can even remember the moment in time when I decided that I was going to be a b*tch because of a bad experience. At that moment I shut down a huge part of my heart without even realizing it. I prefer to be fully alive and thriving.

  46.  #46Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    LG mirror work is awesome. I deliberately choose to go up to the mirror and say “I love you beautiful” every so often. If I could have beat up myself for so many years with nasty voices I can’t see why not. I notice more and more times now when I look in the mirror and genuinely feel wow, I have become more beautiful. I also believe that as I have slowly released anger out of my cells and my body they have softened so it is easy for the beauty to shine through.

  47.  #47Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Answer: I’ve observed that men and women interpret text messages, email, FB messaging — anything involving technology — differently. I’m talking about the masculine and feminine instincts. Instinctually, men use technology to be more efficient, which make them feel more masculine, as in ” wow I can use text messaging to keep in touch with all of these people (women) and use my time so efficiently!” … whereas women use technology to connect with others, as in “wow he texted me…we’re connecting!”


  48.  #48Starla on December 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    eeeets so quiet here

  49.  #49Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Ok, so reading ‘the moment you pay for something you are a friend’ eeeek!!

    I loaned my man £1000 months ago.. He struggled to pay it back.. We had problems..
    When I went travelling he sent me the money over bit by bit.. I was relying on it, I guess he felt like he was helping.. He really fell for me while I was away and did anything he could to help me..

    When I got back, yet again I loaned him £1000 to pay some debt (stupid you may say I know) but he has a job now and said I would get it back bit by bit each week.. I didnt..

    Now its Christmas and hes hardly paid any back.. but we survive.. and in the New Year the money worries should be gone..

    Now I’m worried about the notion of the ‘friend’ thing.. I’m guessing wrong move to loan him money right? Whoops.. Lesson learned.. Obviously I won’t be doing it again!
    and no I dont earn more than him, he has a good job now, I have a student loan I get in a lump sum so we thought it was a good idea..
    Any comments on this?

  50.  #50Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    ok im doing well with sying no to men that i feel talked to in a not feel godd way by

    i just clled back a man who had left me a voicemail and

    he wanted to see me

    and then he didnt set time, he told me to call him back when im situated and ready

    the thing is i was situated and ready anyway

    so i just paused and let it be

    and i was like

    i dont want to do that

    i feel better if you call me back

    ok so my wording there triggered him

    and hes like

    oh if youre not woman enough to call me twice or something

    and that felt bad

    so im like whoa

    i feel scared now

    and hes like why

    im like

    well i like to be talked to nice and that felt bad

    if its a habit or something id rather not meet

    and hes like why its not like it was disrespectful

    im like well it did feel disrespectful to me and also actually i felt angry

    nd hes like its not even cussing or yelling and iml ieke yeah teres ways sometimes i can feel put down even without that

    hes like im just straightforward

    and im like yeah i like straightforwardness but not the kind that feels bad

    (writing this i notice i feel tense and judging myself like i pushe dhim away by being blamy)

    and then hes like well if youre not woman enough to handle when someones straight forward

    and i was like

    whoa yah i gotta go i cant handle this

    and hes like FINE!! BYE!! and hangs up

    i felt kinda nagry and ‘that feeling’ of feleing abandoned nd not good enough and disappointed a lil bit – but it was less than usual and i slathered it with love

    i do feel disappointed like he coulda been a nice man if only *I* coulda got him to notice and change that language (my pattern stuff)…

    and that i missed out on getting to know a cool guy

    and i also feel excited i said NO , and qucikly over the phone

    yay i want to heal this!

    go me

    thank you me

  51.  #51Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm


    My mans working ALOT.. Obviously with the money worries and Christmas coming along.. He says it’ll change in the New Year..
    He’s really tired, he isnt AS affectionate (still not too bad) I definately wouldnt say hes withdrawn.. his sex drives really took a dive though..
    However, still wants to spend all his spare time with me but alot of the time he’s just tired and falls asleep on me..

    With the money worries and constant working and sleeping it has kinda affected our relationship and I feel myself getting snappy sometimes.. No sex, not really doing much together, him falling to sleep all the time.. I know its not his fault and Im just being a bit selfish I guess..

    but what would be the best way to go about this.. Just being there for him and not stressing him.. Letting him sleep and relax when he wants.. Even though I’m often left in his of a weekend with him snoring early evening and me watching the tv on my own? haha

    I’m sorry if I seem clueless or selfish.. I just want my energetic, loving, fun man back.. Roll on 2012 eh haha xx

  52.  #52Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Slippin Goddess – that must feel like a lot of hidden stress inside, i feel my tummy tighten up and so much insecurity and sadness and fear balled up and held tight not to show…

    ouchie boo boo mffff…

  53.  #53Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    maybe not balled up…

    i wonder what Rori would say

  54.  #54Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Oh I’m feeling bad about all this bitchin bout my guy haha poor thing..

    Here goes an appreciation ‘I was working late the other night and he brought me McDonalds and Red Bull at 3am!’ Beat that! 😉

    (…..well I thought it was quite romantic!! haha)

  55.  #55Senior Lady Vibe on December 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
    …a Rori Raye new video to see…

    “Twelve Days of Christmas”

  56.  #56Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    i am embracing my desire to be seen and excitement fulfilling nite life

    and i found a Goddess i asked her who she was and she was th Goddess of such things her name is Mia and her colors are hot pink and black and a touch of lime

    and she took me out on my amazing date that night that felt SO night life – drove around the city, went to a bar, smoked in diff places, fun and fullfilling

    thank you Mia for showing up for me!

  57.  #57Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Oh there is a lot of hidden stress.. for both of us though to be fair.. Just seems one thing after another at the moment..

    We both agree next year will be better..
    Financial strain can really affect relationships..
    aswell as everything else..

    but in my eyes we’ve survived a hell of a lot together in our first year.. Even 2 months apart whilst I went and did charity work. and we both still love each other..

    I’m not necessarily trying to change my relationship, just enhance it so we can both be happy.. and stay on the right track through all the problems, because we really want it to work.. The relationships amazing at times, its just outside factors that seem to affect it..

    So it can only continue to get better.. right?
    Especially now I’ve got you guardian angels advising me 🙂 I’m learning all the time xxx

  58.  #58Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Lourdes – big hugs! your situation sounds like it would feel overwhelmingly stressful to me

    you gotta be YOUR CHAMPION here and really really focus on taking the BEST care of you emotionally through this time

    notice – and then shift tellin yourself theyre nto true – thoughts that limit you such as “i don’t have a right to”

    i don’t remember if you have Rori’s ebook but thats the place to start with, and just keep practicing teh tools, putting yourself FIRST, believing you can have everything you want (even when you don’t believe it),

    and what sounds really important here

    Circular Dating

    date more than one man, to practice relating to men and receiving love.

    this one man does not need a signal from you, he can step up on his own when he feels compelled

    meanwhile make sure you are opening your heart and letting all the men who want to care for you do so

  59.  #59Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    ladies i always feel awed by my beauty in the mirror. sometimes i will even cry from the amazingness that this ‘otherworldly rainforest creature’ is me

    i feel teary right now

    i don’t knwo how i got here, i did always LOVE seeing myself in the mirror, it feels so intriguing and soothing to me

    its one thing i can count on when im upset to make me feel better

    not really looking with a judging eye, but just looking at the lil monkey in the mirror

    and also noticing the beauty

    its totally possible to feel like that everytime

    im lokoing now and i look like a beautiful lovely woodland goddess

  60.  #60Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Thankyou Daria, I really appreciate the advice..
    I bought the ebook yesterday and I’m still working my way through it. There seems so much to take in but I’m sure I’ll get there!
    The articles, advice and support on this forum have been amazing though! It really helps.

    Oh I’m feeling bad about puttin down my guy alot haha poor thing..

    Here goes an appreciation ‘I was working late the other night and he brought me McDonalds and Red Bull at 3am!’ Beat that!

    (…..well I thought it was quite romantic!! haha)

    Oh and he might fall asleep on me alot.. but the way he slobbers on my shoulder and snores in my ear is pretty adorable.. Must be love ey! 😉

  61.  #61Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Slip Goddess – i would do some fun activities on my own

    and also talk to him and say im feeling a bit disconnected and i want you to be rested and ASK HIM WHAT HE THINKS YOU SHOULD DO!

  62.  #62Daria on December 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Slip Goddess – i LOVe how you appreciated your man actually i feel so moved im sobbing right now wow!

    you are wonderful

    i feel so touched

  63.  #63Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Aww, 🙂 we sometimes do forget to actually appreciate though and look at the positives..

    What you say rings so true Daria..

    You’ve really got me thinking actually..

    You’ve got a point in that I should get out and do my own fun things.
    Lately, with the obvious money worries and the amount of work that I have to try and focus on before Christmas, the fun social element of my life has taken a back seat.

    Sitting home alot in front of a computer trying to work and not being able to do much socially I guess takes it’s toll and gives you far too much time to think.

    So maybe it’s my own stress and lack of fun away from my man thats causing me to look more into the relationship as a problem. If I was out doing my thing I wouldnt be as focused on this would I..

    Hmm.. 🙂

    I just keep thinking roll on 2012.. Less work, more money, Less stress.. Bingo!

  64.  #64DoubleRainbow on December 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    I love how soft and satiny that blouse looks in the video, Rori!

    Daria, I feel like that guy who was challenging you with “not being woman enough” might have been reading some of that seduction community horse*hit. Sounds like he was trying to neg you and get you off balance. It’s funny because it is the exact opposite of what turns me on and they get in a lather trying to figure out why it isn’t “working”. LOL

  65.  #65Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    CO has not responded. I half believe that there is an invisible barrier up around me that no man can date me. I have TRIED. And it just doesn’t happen. Or if it does happen, which is rare, it is one date and then done. And altho I am overweight, I am not bad looking as far as my face! I’m smart, sweet, sensitive. There is no earthly reason for this.

    Oh well, R told me he will be in the prayer meeting tonight. It starts in an hour but I’m going to get there early.

    I guess women who won’t agree to kiss before ever meeting a man don’t get dates. I am so sick of how volatile the dating world is! It’s like up in smoke again, folks! I don’t get it. I didn’t do anything wrong!

  66.  #66Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Double Rainbow – thanks for the support!

    yeah i don’t think he was reading it, but maybe it was a habit or maybe it was the kinda neg game that guys use sometime

    when i say it feels bad they can often drop and go to a whole different way of communicating that is saved for when they like someone 🙂


    that didnt happen here

    much of it has to do with my tone and level of anxiousness

    i noticed last nite how i got almost an uhoh apologetic tone telling a guy i dont call men

    realizng thats what they react from

    and gonna practice saying it like its WONDERFUL

    then they’re gonna think its wonderful too – there are a lot of benefits fro them really that i can see, like they can feel safe im not out chasing other men while they work hard for me…

  67.  #67Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Esteemed – i feel uncomfortable to share this

    and i felt uncomfortable reading that i found myself tighened up .

    i dont want to make it your fault as its not about fault but i want to tell those voices that theyre lying and there are easy babysteps right out of that mindstate and experience

    it seems you are pushing men away fast because your NV’s are telling you negativestuff about their intentions.

    that was what i saw in the conversation with CO

  68.  #68Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    i also feel pist cuz i suggested some twaeks and

    and i feel not seen

    i feel angry like i got tricked to put energy into something and actually it was not really wanted and

    instead it feels uncomfortable to watch someone what seems like causing themselves pain

    ogosh this is all my stuff

    sorry Esteemed

    i would like to heal this as i feel very mad and triggered and i dont want to feel that way

    i fele like yelling!!

    wow i wonder what this is about for me

    tis ok for someone to throw a tanttrum

    its ok for me it feels disturbing, it feels uncomforrable and i love me

    and i dont want me to feel that way

    and me feels scared and weird when my help seems to nto be accepted and used

    like omg WHATS WRONG

    something is awfully wrong and it feels nauseating

    like helping the crying person and then they reject my help and go on crying

    and it still feels heartbreaking but now it feels weird, sickening, i feel sick, i feel confused and i feel unsafe all of a sudden

    i got tricked i thought they wanted my ehlp and actually they dont, something werid is up, someting is wrong

    like in scary stories

    i feel scared weird

    i dont get it

    if i was a cat i would raise my hairs


    i dont feel good

    i love my not feel good

    i love my terror of ghosts

    i love my sicky feeling

    i love my numb feeling

    aww love to me

    these feelings musta been aroudn for a long time

    thank you Esteemed for helping me trigger and notice these feelings and have this chance to love them

    sorry about my total judgement of your situation to get here – its really all my stuff

  69.  #69DoubleRainbow on December 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Daria, I love what you said about making not calling men wonderful. Because it is, right? I too, immediately clench up and think ‘omg he’s gonna think I’m a snob’ but wait, I’m just old fashioned! lol

    Esteemed, I am wondering where the playfulness went? The exchange felt light and fun, and then it suddenly felt all serious and intellectual. I think sometimes guys like to fantasize (especially if there a lot of buildup online before you meet) and might have been just trying to flirt and daydream a bit. It feels awful when it feels like they’re trying to GET something from you, I know, or plan a big hot sexy time, ugh. But I would toss it back on him. Maybe you’ll get a kiss, maybe you won’t, but in a light, playful mode. Sorry you are hating dating right now, sometimes they can feel a bit lecherous! (hugs)

  70.  #70DoubleRainbow on December 14, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    I feel guilty that I’m sitting here instead of doing a lot of things I need to do. But I feel so much like I am depleted and not nourishing myself. Trying to plan ways to take care of myself before the holidays so I can be the luscious peach I am, not a withered dry old prune, lol.

  71.  #71Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm


    I appreciate your feedback in such a feminine way. I will look at that, and I think what you said has merit.

    Fact is, I am scared, really scared, of going out with a man. Thank you for helping me uncover that. I will work on healing that.

    And it is with good reason, cuz I have had MANY BAD experiences with men. And many bad first dates. And even tho part of me is excited, part of me wants to push him away and run the other direction.

    I am remembering my one and only date with the other guy from Baltimore about 1.5 years ago. He repeatedly tried to kiss me and hold hands with me. I didn’t want it! I want a man to be sensitive to me and to build up to romance. I don’t want a man to try to make an instant relationship with me. I want him to be tactful and slick! I want him to romance me.

    I will process this in my mind for a while cuz I gotta go now to the prayer meeting, and of course my mind is on R, since he said he will be there. 🙂 I am lookin pretty for him! I feel good about his non pressure approach. I only wish he would move faster. He has totally made me feel safe after 2009. He very obviously felt bad about how deeply he hurt me, and he is bending over backward to not let me get hurt this time around. I feel so happy he is back in my life! I just need to be patient, because he is right, he needs to work on his healing.

    Daria, I like you.

  72.  #72Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Double Rainbow – yes and what i notice a lot of women feel worried about talking about wanting marriage

    i feel GREAT and SOOTHED talking about it, i talk about it in a dreamy wonderful feeling tone, and men just seem to get SO drawn in and want to participate in talking abotu it with me and start thinking of me that way

    and so there its my tone and the way i feel while talking bout it thats probably drawing them in so that i have such a wonderful experience talking of it time and tiem again

    and then i realized

    it could be the same about not calling men! its just my tone and thoughts around it are different, like im excusing myself!

    so i am going to practice knowing that what i want is GOOD! and sharing it that way!

    omg what a shift!

    i coulda even used that with the earlier guy that said the things that didnt feel good

    what it would look like with me assuming its a good thing

    : oh well it would feel lovely to see you, and i dont feel good calling a man, i would feel excited to hear back from you and see you!

    i dono if my tone comes across, but it just feels different than

    “i dont want to do that”

    even though my i dont want to do that was contemplative and not dismiissive (my babysteps at work)


    i am healing

    this feels lovely

  73.  #73Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    That feels good Esteemed! 🙂

    i know how uncomfortable it feels when a man is not accepting that i feel overwhelmed (with kissing touching, etc)

    i sometimes just shut down and judge them in my head.

    and say NO! i dont want this firmly and even get mad – and yet remain open and calm toned when they Do pull back

    i wonder how i can handle this so that i don’t shut down at all even that little bit

  74.  #74Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Daria #66 – Double Rainbow #69

    I personally think it’s great you don’t call men..

    It’s funny when I was dating I was so uninterested in men for some reason.. I made a choice to come out of a ‘perfect relationship’ (where I had just lost feelings) and just really didn’t mind being on my own.
    Boy did this make them want me.

    I used to get messages, phone calls.. but I’d read and mean to text back and generally never did or did late.. Not even intentionally.. ..but they LOVED it..
    I was however innocently just not that interested in anyone..

    Until I met my man.. He wooed me and chased me.. and again I wasn’t all that bothered, used to leave my phone lying around and get back to him when I had time. I NEVER called him.. If he wanted me, let him ring..

    I actually apologised to him one day in a jokey way and said “I’m sorry, everyone says I’m a nightmare at replying and getting hold of!”

    He turned around to me and said “You know what.. honestly, it just makes me want you more!!”

    the rest is history..

    and now I’m the one with those darn things called feelings! How did that happen 😉

    I guess when I’ve got a guy, I’m all for that guy <3
    When I've not.. I'm not really all that bothered..

    Sorry for rambling.. Just remembering the days I was a GODDESS.. and not slippin at all haha xxx

  75.  #75Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Esteemed i wrote this a few min ago on the old thread.

    sorry about any judgment tone in there i know i felt some of it in my energy while writing nd i dont want to do that

    “580: Daria says:
    Esteemed I would encourage you to allow yourself to feel special in the everyday and allow yourself to feel special with each man as part of opening your heart to the world and recognizing the divine masculine and the potential of romance in every person.

    Wednesday, 14 December 2011 @ 3:58pm

    581: Daria says:
    also for me it still ‘feels special’ with a man I feel bonded too, even if there have been many men I
    have kissed

    I felt relieved to know that i can have both, and that the specialness does not diminish at all. if anything it feels more amazing that i’m open

    Wednesday, 14 December 2011 @ 4:00pm

    582: Daria says:
    Also it seems to me you are in masculine energy with R and perhaps this can work for you.

    I wonder if you would feel comfortable being the masculine energy and if so encourage you to pursue R in that way (in a way that’s peaceful loving and respectful of his boundaries).”

  76.  #76Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    Slip – you can have that back IN THE RELATIONSHIP and even better now magically as there is a man to love you around all the time 🙂

  77.  #77Daria on December 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    for mochaberry from the other thread

    583: Daria says:
    Mochaberry – from the beginning of the convo it seems you stole the boy role by asking how are you

    it would feel better (though you will fele awkward at first during the silence until you start to feel secure that its building attraction)

    if you let him ask you how you are and you respond with a feeling message. without asking him how he is at all.

    just let him dig in Your garden

    hehe i like that visual

    Wednesday, 14 December 2011 @ 4:06pm

    584: Daria says:

    he calls

    M: hello

    K: hello, how are you

    M: oh shoot im feeling all rushed gettin out of work here… it feels so good to hear your voice

    K: oh wow well it feels good to hear that

    M: *silence while smiling*

    K: uhmm uhh … so…. what are you doing after?

    M: mmm hmm i dono… im free… (silence)

    K: oh umm ok well you wanna meet up

    M: (smiling) yeah… that would feel great

  78.  #78Rose on December 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Aw it feels good reading about ladies taking notice of their beauty..

    I feel inspired..

    I notice I try to consciously look at myself in the mirror now..Everyday I look at myself several times, but its always mechanical..Put on my moisturizer, apply makeup..without thought, routine..

    Now I try to actually notice myself, my features and show love to my face, body and skin..

  79.  #79luzydel on December 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    I had a sort of interesting chat with “Sc”…
    we talked, he seemed depressed (as usual), I told him I was feeling good and that had made tons of plans for next year…He said It make me happy that you feel good… At the end of the conversation he said he miss me, I said I miss him too and that was the end of the chat. Have not heard from him since yesterday and I am not going to push it, he is not ready for me and I am going to leave it alone, just respond when he contacts me. I am not feeling like being in a relationship anymore. I feel like I want to do other things right now… A man may hinder those things…

  80.  #80Slippin' goddess on December 14, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    I find it hard though..

    I wish I could be that girl still.. The one who wasn’t all that bothered about men and let them chase after me..

    I am with anyone else still, just not my boyfriend..

    I find it hard now I have genuine feelings.. I want to be with him, I care if he doesn’t reply or give me affection, I text him back all the time and love receiving his messages etc.. because it all does make me feel so good..
    I know if I could lean back as well as I used to and not get bothered about things I would be a true goddess and worshipped as one.. 🙂

    In my previous relationship I did have this role.. He worshipped me, did anything for me, I knew all his feelings, he used to cry, tell me how much I meant to him, Call me way too much etc.. and my feelings changed.. I wasn’t attracted to him anymore no matter how good he was too me..

    Now I’m really in love in this relationship but this man isnt as open, doesn’t show his feelings as much, has baggage etc.. It just puts me off guard I guess.. I know he loves me but he isnt as open about it.. so I dont feel secure.. Maybe that says something about my own insecurities..

    It’s funny how I can have two completely different roles with two men..

  81.  #81Rose on December 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    I just came back from a short date with the guy from the train..

    We texted, he asked to meet, I felt curious, so I went..

    We met at a nearby bar from work…I felt so nervous, and apprehensive on my way there, I tried breathing exercises, thought of Dominique’s relaxation exercise for being open..

    He seemed like he had been drinking , already a bit drunk, I let go of judgements.. it felt fun..

    I tried something I don’t usually do..

    I let him kiss me, he leaned in and kissed me..I felt open to it, attracted even..When it felt to intense I leaned back..I can’t describe the feeling when I leaned back..overwhelmed maybe?

    We danced a little in the bar and then on the way back in front of the subway entrance lol it felt fun..
    He then asked me what I was looking for..If I was interested in him, he’s not looking for a hook up..

    I feel open to seeing him again, we’ll see..I feel this is good practice for me..

  82.  #82light heart on December 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    hallejelia! the good ones are starting to show up!
    oh-oh it’s magic, never believe it’s not so, it’s magic
    yeah, baby, I know my worth and that’s why you’re appearing

    light heart

  83.  #83lilybelly on December 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm


    LG~ You are smokin’ hot, girl.

  84.  #84light heart on December 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Daria @ 67

    ‘it seems you are pushing men away fast because your NV’s are telling you negativestuff about their intentions. ‘

    Exactly the stuff I have been stalking, captured, inspecting it, and disposing of, very quickly now!!

    NV’s are part of the family heritage that does not serve me in the least. It is a disease, n -itis, negative voice-itis, begone! Awareness, pure potentiality, and present time consciousness rules!

    light heart

  85.  #85VW on December 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm


    yay…:) I feel excited for you…:)

    Warm hugs,

  86.  #86Rose on December 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Aww thank you sweet VW.. :o)


  87.  #87lilybelly on December 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    I have to say how interesting I think it is that when a great man shows/steps up, the NV’s go on double duty..working overtime to tell a girl a bunch of crap.
    BUT, I am smart enough to know that it isn’t anything about T and all about me.

    I wasn’t prepared for the the full combat attack of the NV’s. I got them under control now but whew…that was tough work.

  88.  #88light heart on December 14, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    yes lilybelly, we rock! The work is so worth it!

    light heart

  89.  #89light heart on December 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Even JCD felt safe enough today to tell me how he feels (will wonders never cease?) this is because I used the feeling messages accurately to speak sincerely for my self, without expectation as to what he should do or say.

    light heart

  90.  #90Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Starla @ 6,

    Does stuff like this ever make you wonder if you’re feeling what they’re thinking so strongly you’re taking it on as your own?

    That feels magical to me. I love stuff like that – even though I kinda feel freaked when it happens! 😀

  91.  #91light heart on December 14, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    I love your blog and have been feeling inspired by the golf ball story and all the excitement being generated in your life now!

    light heart

  92.  #92Rose on December 14, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    I feel smiley, what happened, men are coming out of the woodwork..

    Men texting or messaging from a while back..lol sensing my “open-ness”

    A guy I met in a clothing store is asking for a date tomorrow..lol

  93.  #93Rose on December 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    #55 Haha that was cute SLV :o)

  94.  #94Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Light heart @ 91,

    Thank you! It feels good to hear my blog is inspiring as that is exactly what I want.

    Thanks for checking it out! xoxo

  95.  #95Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 6:40 pm


    I responded to you on the other thread re: your dress.

    I’ve been toying with the idea of practicing my consulting biz on the web/long distance. I would feel happy to see what we can figure out.

    You can reach me by going to my website (click the avatar, of course) and using the contact form there.

  96.  #96Butterfly wings on December 14, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    493 Sweetpea (previous thread) – yay!!! So glad she came through for you! There’s so much you can do with joint venture partners! You’re on your way girl! 🙂

  97.  #97Daria on December 14, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    i have been talking to a man who made it clear he wants coaching, not romance

    i have been practicing coaching him in his relationship with his wife that hes separated from

    it is going well!

    i wish i had some more clear cut ideas of how i can help a man

  98.  #98Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    BW @ 96,

    Joint venture would feel awesome! I still have to meet with her – I have no idea what will happen. I don’t want to have expectations of the outcome, but I do have a good feeling about this.

    Thanks for sharing in my excitement!

  99.  #99VW on December 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Tonite, I had a nice surprise present at my door…my only relative in the states sent my son and I our Christmas gifts…

    I felt soo touched and tearful…she is the only one who gives us gifts…

    In nine years, only three men (wow…i can count them) bought me a present for Christmas…

    I want to manifest abundance for the years to come…my soulmate, a lot of friends…many fun venues to be invited to…


    i stopped placing my profile for over a month now…been to a few dates with guys I met while I was out…but for some reason…beyond enjoying being in the moment with them…I wanted nothing more…:(

    Part of it was fear of starting something with someone around holidays…:( I feel very sensitive around holidays…I rather be alone rather than in “limbo” …

    So, I will sooo appreciate my beautiful bath gifts from my cousin tonite…actually, right now…:) candles and vino are coming along too…

    Good nite my E*laBella 🙂

  100.  #100Daria on December 14, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Don’t let your thoughts trick you into believing you can’t do it

    – im gonna use that with the man

    and im gonna advise him to take micro charge of every bill and have it paid before she takes a look at it

    and also to take her out to dinner

  101.  #101Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 6:57 pm


    I finally got home and had time to watch your video. You look dazzling! You are such a beautiful lady, inside and out! I love your message on the video, and I love your message as a whole. I love you!

    Much Love, Esteemed

  102.  #102Mel on December 14, 2011 at 7:03 pm


    I have this false belief that when a guy cancels a date, even if he seems apologetic and sincere, that he is really just making excuses and doesn’t want to see me.

    What’s that all about, huh? It’s simply not true!

    I feel kinda disappointed and sad. That’s okay though… I can feel that way! But it’s not because he doesn’t want to see you. You, my darling Mel are awesome! 🙂 Hugs to me!

  103.  #103Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    You my darling Mel, ARE awesome?

    What’s up, Siren? Haven’t seen you on here much of late.

  104.  #104Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    I tried watching the video and it stopped 2.44 minutes in – 3 times.

    Regardless, Rori, you look fantastic! That red satin, the red lipstick are fabulous – the ruffle and slightly puffy sleeves make your waist look tiny (your waist probably is tiny, but it accentuates it) – AND I love, love, LOVE the glasses!


  105.  #105Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Rose I would encourage you not to dismiss the drinking though. I feel really surprised and happy that you were able to face your fears though. I am sure that amped up your self-esteem and vibe, just being open like that. Also remember you are a siren, Men are unconsciously attracted to you. They can’t help themselves.

  106.  #106Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 7:20 pm


    RE: #582 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/time-and-love-notes-from-my-english-roadtrip/:

    You said, “Also it seems to me you are in masculine energy with R and perhaps this can work for you.

    I wonder if you would feel comfortable being the masculine energy and if so encourage you to pursue R in that way (in a way that’s peaceful loving and respectful of his boundaries).”

    I appreciate your feedback. I know I was in the masculine in 2009 when I dated him. I have been majoring in feminine emotional intelligence since then. I know I am still in process. However, I feel that I have been doing far better, and I have been letting him initiate with few exceptions. In what ways do you see me still operating in the masculine?

    I DON’T want that. It’s just that femininity is not second nature for me, because of how I was raised. It is a learned skill. And I am making supreme effort to be feminine in every way. I am very feminine at heart. I just am learning how to express it. In my most vulnerable moments, you would not believe how soft and receptive I am.

    Now another question, and this one is a driving question…R let me down again tonight. He didn’t show up to the prayer meeting. I felt so upset that I left the meeting early. I am home now.

    This is NOT random. This is not a once in a blue moon thing. I am SURE he is not in the emergency room, etc, etc. This is a PATTERN. This is DELIBERATE. This is typical of his M.O. in 2009. He is testing me.

    The meeting started at 8 pm, and at 8:15, I texted him, “I feel disappointed.” About 5 minutes later, I texted, “…as usual.”

    I felt angry, frustrated, hurt, disappointed, disrespected. I felt like crying. I wanted to make him understand how very much he means to me, and how unkind it is to set me up for disappointment over and over.

    In 2009, I would have spouted all that off, and then some. I would have left him 20 texts and called him at least once. I would have been yelling.

    Tonight, I kept it to those 5 words, which I feel good about. Then I did the walk away. I have been thru this cycle OVER AND OVER with R:

    He gradually comes in my direction.
    I feel good. Communication is positive.
    He comes closer yet. My heart opens wide.
    He sets me up for something to trigger me, whatever the item is for testing that week. For the past month or so, he set me up for over-initiating, by leaving days go by with no communication. And by the way, if you want to think this is all in my head, I don’t blame you. But it’s not, because it’s an ongoing pattern of three years now. But telling me it’s all in my head won’t help me. I know what I know, and I’ve studied this man close up and personal for three years.
    We really connected last week. Our last communication Saturday night was him telling me, “I think you’re a pretty awesome person.”
    Tonight he is testing me to see if I will flip out with anger. I am not going to do it.

    But I don’t want to be tested and tested forever. I feel confused. Is it normal and healthy to see if my old triggers are still going to be there, before he moves even more close to me?

    I mean, I am so emotionally invested in this man it is hard to be objective. I tend to think his endless testing is unhealthy, because it is unkind and disrespectful.

    If it had been turned around, and I had told him I would be there (hey, I didn’t initiate – he asked me if I was going to be there, then told me he probably would), if something came up, I would say, “Hey, just to let you know, I’m not going to be able to go afterall.”

    Here are my questions:

    How can I break this pattern of testing, which he denies that he does?

    When he contacts me, whether it’s tonight or some other day, what should I say or do, if anything?

    I really welcome feedback. This man means the world to me. Yet I only want him if it’s a healthy relationship.

  107.  #107Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I’m noticing that I’m feeling this hiding feeling coming up around meeting Tina. Yesterday with my internet out and then the webinar, I didn’t have a chance to get back to her and then today I finally had my birthday lunch and some light shopping. I didn’t have time to get back to her, but then realized I’m making excuses.

    Stop it!! So I did! Just emailed her back that I’m free Friday or Tuesday afternoon.

    What I feel hopeful for, is that she WILL offer to partner with me – that she’s soooo busy that she will let me work with her and teach me what she knows. That would feel dreamy. Yet there’s a part of me still playing it small and not wanting to be too hopeful and feel let down.

    Why is this? I’m good at what I do. My NVs tell me I don’t have any formal training, but not only was I trained by one of the best in the biz, I have a natural talent for it.

    Except then my NVs tell me Starla’s reading this and maybe she didn’t like what I told her. Maybe she’s thinking, “yeah right.” (No offense and no reply needed Starla. It has nothing to do with you, just my NVs).

    I’m not certified, so I don’t feel expert. I feel anxiety around this. I’ve been studying this stuff for nearly 30 years now, is a certificate better than that? I’ve been styling my friends for 20 years and they love the results. Yet I feel anxiety. Blah, yucky, blech!

    I don’t even want to deal with the NVs right now. Is telling them to f-off the same as “into your corner with a cookie?”

  108.  #108Mel on December 14, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Hey Sweetpea,

    I’m doing well! AND I am awesome for sure! LOL

    Just feeling a little down because Mr. Architect cancelled our rendez-vous tonight. He totally has a good reason, and I honestly feel compassion for him (long story) but for some reason my NVs refuse to let me off easy.

    Ex husband cancelled on me all the time. I hated it. I often felt abandoned and forgotten. I was alone a lot… 🙁 Sarcastic started to cancel dates right before he poofed. There’s no reason to believe that Mr. A is on that path at all, but I am being reminded of that fear.

    It’s really silly though. I need to break out of this false way of thinking. Because it’s really not true. Not EVERYONE will leave you all alone Mel. The right man will stay. And better than that… YOU will not leave YOURSELF all alone. Nope, nope.

  109.  #109Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Mel @ 103,

    Let me try that again… You, my darling Mel, ARE awesome!

    I have a block against the exclamation point right now for some reason.

  110.  #110Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    Ok… It’s not a block, it’s because I’ve done way too much typing on my phone the last couple years. The exclamation point on my phone is on the lower row and my brain’s having a hard time transitioning back to a real, live keyboard! (Well, ok. not live, but you know…)

  111.  #111light heart on December 14, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    quick question: a new cd drove a ways to my neighborhood to meet me and bought me dinner on the first meeting. I very much enjoyed meeting him and had fun. I would like to send him a thank you text. leaning forward? thank you

    light heart

  112.  #112Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Yep Starla it is. It gives you power, rockstar style power if you can honor your vulnerability and then say so what. You feel blech? Embrace it, bring it closer and hug it. You are human and like every other human, have insecurities. Own it, admit it, honor it but still shine your brilliance and share your awesomeness with the world. They want to see your light.

  113.  #113Daria on December 14, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    light heart – yes it is. just enjoy it and remind yourself you deserve it

    you will have all that lovely warm energy that would have gone into the thank you text to share with him when HE contacts you

  114.  #114Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    What makes me continue to question at a deep, psychological level if he is still a toxic man is that I am now being hurt, despite what I said just a few hours ago on the blog that he is really treating me well.

    The song that comes to mind with him is, “Killing Me Softly With His Love”, “strumming my pain with his fingers.” That is cruel. I always hated that song. I would only sing it to myself as, “Filling Me Softly With His Love”. I feel manipulated with the way my pain is played. And my counselor agreed matter of factly that he was manipulative.

    So if I am indeed dealing with a toxic man, then it follows that it is not safe for me to be unzipping my heart and giving him feeling messages. Because he manipulates me with my feelings. I make it so easy for him. He doesn’t even have to question my genuineness anymore. He can just sit, emotions undetected, on his phone, reading my heart in the form of deep truth text messages.

    I don’t know what to do.

    It would feel so good to just feel loved and secure and by his side this Christmas. It would feel so good to call myself his woman. I don’t want endless testing. Yet when I tell him I don’t want endless testing, he says I’m delusional. So I can’t resolve the issue because he denies the issue. He denies all our issues.

  115.  #115Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    light heart better yet, let him text the thank you. Then you will know how much he really enjoyed your company. The other way around, you will never know. Hopefully you already said thank you before departing. Or at least told him how great it felt meeting him.

  116.  #116Daria on December 14, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Esteemed – it will help if you notice your thoughts “he is doing this intentionally” and then tell yourself that’s not true (even if it seems unbelieavable)

    another thing that will help is dropping those few exceptions of contacting him – like tonight

    that will definitely drive a masculine energy away

  117.  #117Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    I am obsessing about something and it’s really bothering me.
    One of my coworkers is very controlling and bossy.
    this person is not my boss, but I feel hesitant to stand up for myself because it always seems I am proved “wrong” or it was my mistake…but I feel that

    I’m stressed to the point of not even wanting to go to work and deal with this person and I feel so angry.

    I don’t know how to deal with this person.

    Please advise….sirens I need your help.

  118.  #118light heart on December 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    I feel so supported right now, Daria and FW 🙂
    you’re so right. was just about to send the text, but something stopped me, and then I thought, let me check it with the ladies. yes, FW, I told him I enjoyed it and had fun, and he leaned in to hug and give me a little kiss on the lips, which felt nice. I would have preferred if I just stood there, but I leaned in ever so slightly. OK, no big deal!
    Thank you again.

    light heart

  119.  #119Daria on December 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Esteemed – you do sound delusional

    — sorry for the trigger *cringe* 🙁 —

    im sure when you really heal up your side of things it will feel much better

  120.  #120Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 7:46 pm


    RE: #586 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/time-and-love-notes-from-my-english-roadtrip/:

    You said, “MM told me that a kiss on the first date is how he knows if the woman is interested and that’s how he knows to ask for a second date.

    I’m not sure how to say this, and perhaps my perception is all wrong, but it seems to me that when a guy is trying to be flirty and I shut him down in some way, it…well, shuts him down.

    I feel hesitant to say this, but he asked if you would blush when he first kissed you… he didn’t ask if you would blush when he stuck his tongue down your throat and tried to feel you up on the first date. I’m exaggerating a bit here, but do you think you have or had a preconceived notion that he is just in this for sex?

    Guys will (a lot of times, no matter what their age) try for physical contact on a first date. It’s their way of judging your interest in them…

    Hugs to you. I hope this comes forth as gently as I intended it.”

    Your perspective added to Daria’s really helps to freshen my perspective. Still grappling with this. Let me ask either of you or anyone else this:

    How would YOU have responded if a man you had never met asked you if you would blush when he first kissed you?

  121.  #121Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    What am I worried about?
    I am worried about the outcome…that this person will be “mad” at me and scold me and then not “like” me and talk bad about me, and it will be true that I’m incompetent or not torough or somehow imperfect….

    perhaps this person is mirroring something for me?
    The desire to be perfect…

    perhaps that is why it’s so hard for me to deal with….

    nobody is perfect…
    I need some gentle “comebacks” to say to this person when they are triggering me and ordering me around…

    Yes that’s it…I feel ordered around…and things that I would have figured out to do MYSELF…THANK YOU VERY MUCH…had I not been interrupted by this person and oh my goodness thank you sooo much for diong the thinking FOR me and telling me what to do STEP BY STEP good lord Jesus help me…

    I want to strangle someone

  122.  #122Daria on December 14, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    When he contacts you, /I would say

    “sorry about throwing my emotions with you in my text. i feel so overwhelmed emotionally sometimes and i know i get delusional, i would like so much to feel good and healthy “

  123.  #123Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    my comment is in moderation because I used the l*rd’s name in vain…sorry

  124.  #124Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    reposting without references to divinity figures…
    What am I worried about?
    I am worried about the outcome…that this person will be “mad” at me and scold me and then not “like” me and talk bad about me, and it will be true that I’m incompetent or not torough or somehow imperfect….

    perhaps this person is mirroring something for me?
    The desire to be perfect…

    perhaps that is why it’s so hard for me to deal with….

    nobody is perfect…
    I need some gentle “comebacks” to say to this person when they are triggering me and ordering me around…

    Yes that’s it…I feel ordered around…and things that I would have figured out to do MYSELF…THANK YOU VERY MUCH…had I not been interrupted by this person and oh my goodness thank you sooo much for diong the thinking FOR me and telling me what to do STEP BY STEP
    help me…

    I want to strangle someone

  125.  #125Daria on December 14, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    How would YOU have responded if a man you had never met asked you if you would blush when he first kissed you?

    Daria : “hehe 🙂 maybe… i feel shy”

    or if i didn’t like it and i felt triggered

    “mm… i dont know i feel kinda uncomfortable… i feel shy about these things”

  126.  #126Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    124 wow I noticed a lot of sarcasm in this post and it’s so triggering for me its all about spewing out anger when being sarcastic…it feels GOOD to be sarcastic…but it is poison

  127.  #127Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Emerson maybe it is your two year old inner child that is being triggered because she does not like being told what to do. Why not have a chat with her and see if she can tell you exactly what she needs.

  128.  #128Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    why can’t i just let things go?? I don’t want to repeat this tomorrow at work.
    I feel disrespected and ordered around. i feel like this person thinks they are better than me.
    i feel this is not good for me to even be typing about or thinking about.
    what else to think about?
    me me me and my new job that I’m going to get…yes
    that is what i’ve been striving for to make a change
    but in the meantime i need to learn something from this

    i asked about something today that turned out to be seemingly my fault and another person involved sort of egged it on…in a sneaky way just by keeping their mouth shut and alluding to something else that was not factual….

    and later i knd of put the pieces together and it felt REALLY BAD…

    now i’m stewing stewing and not wanting this person to TAKE OVER and tell me what to do all the time.

    i want to remain calm and diplomatic but i start feeing so much anger

  129.  #129Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    I notice no sarcasm. I might respond I feel so shocked my tongue feels tied, I have no words. Or maybe I feel numb. Are you sure 124 is correct Emerson

  130.  #130Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    127 thanks FW it’s just that this person seems to want to order me around telling me to do stuff I already know to do and I don’t like it-and she is not my boss not by a long shot…and it’s not just one thing it’s like all the time and other coworkers are scared of her. but i’m not and i’ve gotten into it with her a time or two…and i don’t want that again

  131.  #131Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    yes fw i meant 124 it’s this part right here
    “…and things that I would have figured out to do MYSELF…THANK YOU VERY MUCH…”

  132.  #132Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    RE 129 I am wondering if she reminds you of your mother?

  133.  #133Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm


    Thank you on the response to the kiss question… Like!

    On this one, #121, you said, “When he contacts you, /I would say

    “sorry about throwing my emotions with you in my text. i feel so overwhelmed emotionally sometimes and i know i get delusional, i would like so much to feel good and healthy “

    I wonder why you think I should apologize for an under-control feeling message?

    Then do I assume correctly you think I’m delusional? If so, that feels bad to hear. He is the one with schizophrenia, not me.

  134.  #134Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    129 this person just does it constantly all day and i know she is trying to help and once in a blue moon i do find it helpful and we all need each other’s help at my job but I DONT WANT her telling me what to do all the time….I find it micromanaging

    hmm perhaps i will say that it’s micromanaging

  135.  #135Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Emerson reading your post was what stood out to me was that at first i thought you were being honest about the

    Thank you for doing the thinking for me and showing me what to do step by step

    i thought that was an ingenious way to reframe and appreciate

    i would actually like to practice that

  136.  #136Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    I see 124 as Daria’s. Maybe you still have something in moderation?

  137.  #137Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Emerson – perhaps share that it feels overwhelming

  138.  #138Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    aww Daria you’re so great…thanks for saying that and that’s no sarcasm just so you know I really do think so 🙂

    FW this is the other sarcastic part..as Daria was mentioning….
    “oh my goodness thank you sooo much for diong the thinking FOR me and telling me what to do STEP BY STEP”

    I find this insulting and annoying

  139.  #139Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:03 pm


    If a man made a point to ask you if you were going to a meeting, then said he was going too, I feel curious how you would feel when he wordlessly didn’t show up?

  140.  #140Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    yes fw i do have a comment in moderation

  141.  #141Femininewoman on December 14, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Pardon me Esteemed but I just had to look up the meaning of that word and found this

    “Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions and disordered thinking and behavior.”

    Then I asked myself why would someone think that they could have a normal relationship with a schizophrenic?

    No my heart is racing, pounding waiting for the …………..

  142.  #142Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    fw i’m not sure if she reminds me of my mother, but she reminds me of an abusive friendship that i was in when i was much younger, where this person always thought they were smarter than everyone else but when you first meet them they are sweet and humble..and later this OTHER person emerges as a very overlyconfident and bossy personality that seems to get away with it and nobody wants to challenge them. i don’t like it and i’ve gone toe to toe with her before and i need to reframe myself so that does not happen

  143.  #143Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Esteemed – sorry for the trigger speakign about this

    yes it does seem to me delusional from reading the post in the sense that it seems youre not seeing the situation clearly and are in denial about your part in it – delusional has come to be used as a put down at times and might not trigger good feelings so sorry for using it as i dont knwo what would be better

    i want to be honest with you and don’t want to pretend and lie to you

    to make it clearer:

    i would apologize because

    texting him about my dissapointment is reaching out and dumping my emotions on him

    second text about “again” is a direct attack

    i would agree with him about delusional etc, because Rori has taught it really helps to release the tension and resistance ona SUBCONSCIOUS level when we agree with the person


    as far as his behavior

    he said he woudl Probably be there which means that he Might not be there so there is no Bad Behavior here on his part –

    this is very different from standing someone up

  144.  #144Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:09 pm


    RE: #590 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/time-and-love-notes-from-my-english-roadtrip/ – I agree about not too much email. I posted our email conversation the other night and I tried a couple times to end the emails. It finally ended in a date. So I did my best on that one.

    I am never sure how much is too much. In the past couple of years, I would try to end the email exchange and the guy would just drop off because he didn’t want to make the effort to meet until he had a better feel for me.

  145.  #145Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    Esteemed I’ve worked with people with psychiatric issues and although there are medications that can help…it’s VERY VERY hard for them to process relationships and even process things/feeings outside themselves in a healthy way. They have soo much going on inside that they are trying to sort out…sometimes they cannot CANNOT process other people’s feelings or how they may affect them….
    I feel so much compassion for those with mental illness and their families, it really is very very hard.
    It’s not a judgment on my part its just a fact.

  146.  #146Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    Esteemed I’ve worked with people with psychiatric issues and although there are medications that can help…it’s VERY VERY hard for them to process relationships and even process things/feeings outside themselves in a healthy way. They have soo much going on inside that they are trying to sort out…sometimes they cannot CANNOT process other people’s feelings or how they may affect them….
    I feel so much compassion for those with mental illness and their families, it really is very very hard.
    It’s not a judgment on my part its just a fact.

  147.  #147Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    hugs to you for being so caring about R and wanting the best for him. You are a caring person.

  148.  #148Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Esteemed @ 106,

    I feel bad saying this, but the only guy I ever dated who “tested” me – is the guy who eventually hit me.

    Take it for what you will – for me, it feels like abuse – or at the very least, leading up to abuse. It feels controlling and manipulative – and there is study after study showing that controlling and manipulative, the majority of the time, leads to abuse.

    My heart feels racey telling you this, but it would feel worse not to.

    Take it for what you will – I care about you and feel it’s my duty to sound the alarm.

    Love you!

  149.  #149Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    hmmm how to refram how to deal with this person…
    i have to think in the sense that her urgency is not my urgency…it’s not that she wants to have things done in a certain timeframe thats needed…it is HER timeframe that she wants it done in…well I HAVE NEWS FOR HER she is not the queen of the universe

  150.  #150Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    Esteemed – i would feel disappointed when the man did not show up (unless i was really involved in my own life and maybe meeting some other cool men there)

    and i would then own the feelings and love all over my lil disappointed girl

    then i would feel better

    i would let myself know that controlling the outcome of whether this guy shows up or not is not the way that will lead to my feleing peaceful and happy… and that hsi not showing up is a GOOD thing… i wonder what it showed up for me to heal? maybe an opportunity to hear and love that lil girl?

    then next time the man contacts me, i would let him know how good it feels to hear from him… that i miss him… and maybe that i felt dissapointed not to see him (if that’s still something that comes up for me then – likely not)

  151.  #151Starla on December 14, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    I leaned forward and called CF. But it was to tell him when my birthday party is, and then i way leaned forward to tell him he could combine his birthday with mine.

    Our birthdays are xmas eve (his 12/24, mine 12/23), so we’ve been bday-neglected most of our lives, and we’re focused on having fun bdays with each other..and he’s turning 30 and it’s a big deal…and i can’t help but fuss and make sure he has as much fun as i do, since none of his friends will be around since it’s xmas and my party is a couple days early when people are still around.

    i feel nervous about leaning forward so much in this way, but i know if i can focus on being a rockstar about it, it won’t make or break anything. and i don’t want it to make or break anything. i’m not doing this for US or for me to look good and caring. I’m doing this because it’s his birthday and he’s my dear friend. As long as I don’t lay it on too thick or fuss too bad, it’ll all be fine in terms of energy balance.

    I know this is very un-rori of me to not be a total selfish diva about my birthday, and focus on making him happy, but i couldn’t fathom leaving him out. I am more than happy to share my birthday party with him since it’s a couple days before hand when people are still in town. He shares everything with me that he can, and he’s constantly giving to me without expectation.

    and he is very sensitive about his birthday, because he’s ALWAYS neglected because of the date. so i want to fix that for him this year, on such a “milestone” bday. he can’t fix this one himself. he literally just needs another human being to make a bit of a fuss about his being born.

  152.  #152Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:15 pm


    RE: #142 – This is helpful, thank you.

    Here’s how I see it: I feel disrespected when someone says they are going to be at a meeting and he knows his presence means a lot to him and he doesn’t show up or simply let me know he changed his mind. I mean, think about it – even if it weren’t an official date – would you do that? I doubt it.

    So if I say nothing, doesn’t that give him the message that it is ok to say one thing and do another? That’s second class treatment to just have no regard for my feelings. I thot that is what feeling messages were partially for, to let a man know in a tactful way that his behavior is not cool with you, that you won’t tolerate it.

    I will think about all you said. It seemed unusual coming from you, and insightful.

  153.  #153Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    ok reframing reframing

    i’m going to be easygoing
    not wound up
    not uptight or mad
    just slooowww down
    be slower
    as she moves faster
    i slow down
    i’m not going to rush for her

    are you in some type of rush?

    why are you rushing me?

    hmm or maybe just not answer her at all and ignore

    i don’t know why i have to feel this way and feel inferior

    its coming up to heal something

    I will NOT BE talked to that way

    please don’t talk to me that way its rude

  154.  #154Starla on December 14, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    and on my birthday itself, it’s all about me, taking me to breakfast where i want to go, lazing about the house together how i want to, watching the movies i want to watch, going to the video game arcade that i want to go to…

    and HE’S the one doing all this for me on my bday just for me. it’s all about Starla day.

    So i hope it’s making a little more sense why i feel comfortable fussing over him for his birthday more than rori has recommended.

    i used rori’s non overfunctioning method for bdays with past guys, and it worked like a charm, too:)

  155.  #155Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Esteemed @ 120,

    I would have said something like (putting myself in your shoes of not feeling comfortable kissing for awhile), “I don’t know. I don’t want to kiss someone until I’ve met them and gotten to know them quite well.”

    With MM, I felt uncomfortable when he kissed me the first three dates. I would draw back and tell him, “ok. I’m feeling uncomfortable.”

    But I did let him kiss me…

  156.  #156Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    sirens i really need some support
    i’m feeling vulnerable and angry and like someone will step on me tomorrow

  157.  #157Starla on December 14, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    i also like that when i am overfunctioning in the name of his birthday, it’ll be the day before my own actual birthday, so the balance will be quickly restored with his rowing the next day:)

    and i like that my sweet friends will fuss over him so i don’t have to, lol.

  158.  #158Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:24 pm


    R is manipulating you. He repeatedly leads you on to open your heart, and when your emotions are at their height, he lets you down and hurts you in some way. You thought this toxic, dark pattern had been left behind in 2009, but, even tho no one else can see this, because they haven’t spent hundreds of hours interacting with R, you know that is what is happening.

    If a man repeatedly, knowingly hurts you, that is toxic behavior. He is not to be entrusted with your heart, because he is not in your corner. He is not working in your favor.

    So you need to walk away. I don’t know how, but that is what needs to happen so you don’t spend any more years in depression and joblessness.

    Merry Christmas, Esteemed. Christmas is not about R, and not about a man. It is about giving and loving, and you are giving and loving others. Focus on others.

    I know your heart is crying, once again, but all you can do is walk away, because this man has now proven that he will only hurt you again and again.

    Love, Esteemed

  159.  #159Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Esteemed –

    this is not disrespect

    when someone says they probably will be there is VERY different from saying they will defnitely be there.

    because someone else really wants them to does not obligate a person.

    no i would not necessarily let them know. this is soemthing i want to look at actually – i have a trigger of resisting feeling controlled and i actually WILL NOT let them know, so i want to soften that up a bit

    also i have been practicing really noticing under “feeling disrespected” after hearing Rori say – disrespected – its more of an in the head judgement

    what i might be feeling is angry, disappointed… etc


    is IS ok to say one thing and do another – and again, to really avoid any inauthenticity:

    — this man DID NOT say one thing and do another

    but if he had, its totally ok and he has a right to. and you have a right to not like that

    however, leaning forward by texting him is not a feminine or respectful or self loving way of handling it.

    the way to handle it is to LOVE YOUR FELEINGS (this is your CHANCE!! to love that triggered lil girl!!!)

    and then when HE contacts you, you can let him know you felt sad. (without making him wrong or talkign about it NOT being ok. because it is ok. and its not about that. its about sharing feelings Without Blame)

  160.  #160Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    Esteemed you are loving and caring.
    I was in a relationship with a toxic man who I believe was an undiagnosed bipolar. I went thru so much with him and finally had to walk away.
    When I did walk away, he BEGGED me not to, and it took all I had to remind myself that he was mentally not able to be in my corner and care for me the way I need…
    It was so hard because I LOVED HIM so so much. I felt so sad and I have to tell you there is hope because now I don’t pine for him at all…it’s like a black and white movie….in the distance past like an old western….I can still think of him with love now that I look back, but he was a toxic liar.

  161.  #161Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    Esteemed – from my end it looks like you created this whole heartbreak for yourself ( i know you may not be ready to hear or look at this)

    by Expecting something from this man

    and then by not taking the opportunity to heal when you felt upset (and instead blaming him by reaching out with texts)

    when you STOP doing this . then your experience will change. maybe he may even step up!

  162.  #162Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    not that i’m saying all bipolar people are that way…but he was not being treated or helped and perhaps if he was it would have been different…

  163.  #163Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:30 pm


    If it feels good, keep doing it and thinking it.

    If it feels bad, stop doing it and thinking it.

  164.  #164Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:32 pm


    RE: #159 – Thank you, that really helps.

  165.  #165Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    the problem is that i forget that i do have confidence and when she starts acting that way i go back to my old self when i used to let that toxic friend boss me around and be mean to me and condescending and rude!!!!

  166.  #166VW on December 14, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Aww…Esteemed…big loving hugs darling…:(

    my heart hurts with yours…

    sending you lots of encouragements to believe in yourself …

    lots of love,

  167.  #167Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Starla – what jumped out to me is the “he’s my dear friend.” it is a type of thinking that comes up for me. i just saw something about rori about how its not about friendship and companionship… hes a romantic partner.

    that dear friend thinking sneaks up on me and i wind up overfunctioning


    totally open to hear about your experience and anything you want to do, and im sure it will still work out
    acutally the last line was just about me feeling fear that you will feel judged and then distance yourself from me

    love me.

    although i do feel sure that it will all be fine with this guy from what you have been sharing about your relationship

  168.  #168Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Emerson @ 141,

    What if you went back in your imagination and thought about what you could have (or wish you had done) differently with your abusive friend?

    You might find some healing for this, or come up with a solution to stand up for yourself without being confrontational…?

  169.  #169Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Starla – it also seems like its about giving back … sounds lovely

  170.  #170Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    sorry i keep jumping back into comments to myself about my bossy person issue…
    i am trying to talk myself up and tell myself i dont have to tolerate this
    i dont want to tolerate this
    i dont want to be talked to that way
    i can simply float on by and that’s what i need to work on
    i am looking for the message

    oh i had a bit of a message from all this earlier today
    i noticed that i easily picked up on her energy of urgency/rushy rushy -ness especially when i felt i had done something ‘wrong’ or forgot something

  171.  #171Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    mmmf i feel worked up and kinda shaky

  172.  #172Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Sweetpea thanks I will think about that
    its a very good question actually

    I feel curious how you and other sirens would deal with a person like this

    Thanks Daria and FW for your suggestions…i feel open to hearing more ideas too…

  173.  #173Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    im ungrounded!! grounding now

    opening my pelvis

    letting earth breathe into me

  174.  #174Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:38 pm


    RE: #158 – You gave me a lot to chew on there. I don’t agree with everything you said, but all in all, it is helpful.

    If I were to give you a blow-by-blow rundown of each time he led me on toward intimacy in 2009 then slammed my expectations, yes, expectations that HE knowingly and intentionally built up, you would most likely been blown away by his total pattern of intentional let down. And I have it all documented, because I journaled and recorded text messages all along the way, in order to identify his patterns.

    But I have determined I am cutting him loose, when everything in my heart wants to be cuddling him tight. 🙁

    I will probably cry myself to sleep tonight.

  175.  #175Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    i want to think about your question sweetpea…

    what would i have done? what would i have said?

    i don’t know

    i felt bad around her sometimes and she got a lot of attention and bossed everyone around and people went along with it like a little napoleon

    i wish i would have NOT been emotionally invested with her as a friend and been able to say ……SOMETHING to state my boundaries

    I really suck at that as ‘put together’ as I may seem to most…

    I hate that about myself

  176.  #176Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Emerson it feels triggering to me… i have a habit of beating myself up when i don’t know how to deal with this kinda situation … i feel frustrated and unworthy that i feel intimidated

  177.  #177Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    i would have just walked away from the friendship actually…sooner…because eventually i did cut her out completely and she always tries to be friends with me again but hellllooooo I am a lil too old for these games

  178.  #178Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:43 pm


    RE: #154 – Ok that is a good response to the kissing question, also. Thanks.

    Thanks, VW, hugs to you!

  179.  #179Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    “i feel frustrated and unworthy that i feel intimidated”


  180.  #180Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    I think that what bothers me the most is that when I do sometimes try to say something to her I end up being ‘wrong’ somehow without effort on her part…

    today i kinda feel like I got set up like another person was intentionally trying to make her the bad guy and then I called her on something and she showed me why she did this or that ….etc…and I felt dumb and incompetent

    hmm i need to watch out for others setting me up not in a paranoid way…but it is weird how i’m realizing this now…i didnt’ see it so clear earlier but i was not being authentic either…i should have been more transparent….and called th

  181.  #181Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    oops hit the button too soon…

    i was saying i should have called the other person out on what she said and it would have been solved in a moment…where the confusion came from….but i didnt’ I think i was subconsciously trying to ‘cover up’ for that person….and not get them in ‘trouble’ with her

  182.  #182Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    i’m starting to feel a lil better

    i wonder if G8d made oranges for us to peel so we can be in the moment and really feel the present moment we are in physically….i like peeling oranges

  183.  #183Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Esteemed – if this were me in your situation what would help me?

    wht i can say is it DOES NOT MATTER WHAT A MAN DOES (as impossible as that is to see in the situation)

    all that it matters is WHAT I DO and HOW I REACT.

    so I would encourage you to keep practicing the tools and making the tweaks (NOT leaning forward, NOT blaming)

    taht WILL change your experience – it really will.

    and you will be able to look back and say aha!

    i know you’ve seen that work with many of the women here.

    i know if it was a woman here that a man didn’t show up to an event where he told her he probably would but was not making definite plans – you would Know to advise her NOT to contact him, and to let him contact her. I know you would see that this man did not make firm plans and so her creating expectations would harm her and the relationship

    Give yourself that same trust and care here.

    If you make the changes, and focus on you.


    it just won’t matter what’s going on on his end. it won’t matter what his intentions are.

    you will be loved, and you will take care of yourself.




    whenever you’re ready, she’ll still be there waiting for your love

  184.  #184Emerson on December 14, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    daria i love what you were saying earlier about loving to look in the mirror…i used to feel that way but now not so much…i feel unworthy and kinda blah…
    i used to feel better

  185.  #185Starla on December 14, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Daria, i know it will all work out fine too. it’s not going to + or – the score, so to speak. It just is what it is.

    i’m posting about it because i know i get the rori paradigm pretty well, and i get it very well on an intellectual level if not always in practice. and this is definitely not recommended behavior.

    actually the more i think about it, the more i know i’m doing the right thing, not romantically but as a human being.

    and i’ve been sooo good at not over-giving back that i feel comfortable doing this.

    i felt a little uncomfortable earlier when i asked him bout it, and i said so to him. lol.

    yay i feel just fine and dandy.

    it’ll be fun. margaritas with my favorite people at my favorite restaurant, which actually happens to be HIS favorite restaurant, while i’m thinking about it.

  186.  #186Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    If I want to have a joyful, peaceful, successful life, I cannot continue to allow R to strum my pain with his fingers. It is evil.

  187.  #187Daria on December 14, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Esteemed – sorry for the strong push

    i feel so caught into your situation! (is that an explaining thing?)

  188.  #188Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 8:57 pm


    RE: #182 – Deep stuff, insightful. I feel good about how I am already working on loving that child. And I will continue, ever deeper. Thanks.

    Right now, part of loving that child means staying away from Mr. Toxic.

  189.  #189Daria on December 14, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Emerson – i feel blessed that i can do that. i don’t know where it comes from…

    i just feel really happy that its that easy for me

    i always thought i was beautiful tho i had parts i didnt like

    and i still liked looking in the mirror, tho it was like a curiosity and i always said its not about being pretty… i just like LOOKING at me and makign faces. its like a love for me as a fun kid and nto so much about looking sexy

    although it now is ALSO about looking sexy and after Rori i have accepted its totally ok for me to love being sexy

    (no more believing in being Vain as a bad thing… or that its even exits… babysteps)

  190.  #190Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 9:02 pm


    RE: #186 – No apology necessary. It felt powerful the way you repeated that in capital letters. It was strong communication, and I liked it.

    The only part I didn’t like was a few posts back about me being delusional. But even then, I have to accept that not everyone will see what I see…clearly. It is so Machiavillian in nature it would escape the notice of even most so-called psychologists.

    Like I said the other night: The pain (in me) is a warning signal. Something is wrong.

    If this were an isolated incident, I would be overreacting. But this is a raw nerve from 2009 that was kept raw for months on end. And he just reopened that wound.

    I know that I know that I know what I am talking about. I feel manipulated. I am in pain. I am loving my little girl.

  191.  #191Daria on December 14, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    Esteemed – ok I support you not talking to R, but for other reasons (he seems to trigger you to lean forward to me)

    although i think you’re punishing yourself by saying I WILL NOT TALK TO HIM THO IT BREAKS MY HEART – and it will not work

    actually thats something i noticed *I* do .. and am practicing softening that up

    i don’t have to break my heart

    I CAN talk to NohCD and toher cd’s i feel triggered with…

    until i naturally feel bored

    not heartbroken, bored

    thank you Daria


  192.  #192Daria on December 14, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Esteemed – it may help to drop the idea of the machiavellian manipulation theory (yes evne if you fully believe its true)

    i know how challenging it feels because im practicing dropping the idea that some people otu there are ignorant and opressive to me and i have to be scared of them. and it feels so … overhwelming.

    i think its impossible. and yet sometimes i get glimmers of healed thinking

    ok back to the topic, it may help to drop the idea of manipulated, and look to the feelings (scared sounds like it – i would feel scared and frozen and angry if i thought i was being manipulated)


    what will make a big difference is YOUR END OF THINGS.

    its not that i think youre delusional about Ryan’s side of stuff – cuz i don’t know about him or even want to get into his stuff

    its that you seem to use that to bypass looking at your OWN PART OF THIS:

    which is that you created an expectation when the man said something, you heard someting else

    that you are engaging in the ‘manipulated’ thinking insted of going to the feelings and loving them

    that you tehn /LEANED FORWARD and dumped feelings over him

    and then LEANED forward again and attacked him

    — those are all your side. they may be small but ehy are huge.. heal that and magically he will heal too

  193.  #193light heart on December 14, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    I feel curious if part of the draw for you to R is a need for you to be needed, to rescue him, feeling that you are responsible for him, believing that through your love he will heal, and when he heals he will be able to love you like you want him to, and it will all be because of you? Like in a romance novel ? Because I think I remember reading one of your posts in the last thread and I almost said something about it then, because it seems like you are making it a lot about HIM, and how you can fit your life around him, more than what you really want for your life and if he is really capable right now to provide that?
    Like you worship HIM and that takes precedence over the life you want for yourself? For myself, I just can’t allow myself to be more in love with a man than he is with me, that just feels very bad.
    just some random thoughts, please disregard if it doesn’t apply.

    light heart

  194.  #194Daria on December 14, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    basically its like this –

    it looks to me like i am beign opressed. but i know that its my thoughts of being opressed that have me expreiencing feeling opressed.

    its eems like its so UNCHANGEABLE but its really my thoughts.

    if i can shift my thoughts, i can shift reality

    sabotage thought: but it doesnt feel safe to shift my thoughts, cuz then i would be ignoring unchangeable reality and put myself in danger

    reality is NOT unchangeable

    its is safe to shift my thoughts

    no its not

    yes it is

    no its not

    yes it is


    do i choose what i KNOW or do i choose to have faith

    you can DIE!!

    i love me

    feels … overwhelming

  195.  #195elle_emme on December 14, 2011 at 9:11 pm


    Forgive me if this seems like a rant or something. I just feel like we have a lot in common. I had an ex with bi-polar issues. I spend years analysing him, re-reading his emails looking for a way to understand him and ‘us’, reading books about his mental health stuff…i was trying to control him, because i couldn’t accept my own helplessness over the situation…

    I feel sad for you. You have a huge heart. But i just know that this will change for the better. CDing totally changed my life (i was totally weirded out by the idea of kissing a CD too) and so did channeling. I’ve had the best year of my life financially, musically, at work and in terms of dating…i’ve gone to hockey games, concerts, MEXICO with CDs and i have felt more and more powerful…

    And in the end, my ex came back wanting ‘to be with me always’, but my feelings had changed. I feel basically neutral towards him and i have a hard time remembering how bad it was back in the day. Your path might be different, but i know there are great things ahead for you.

    Healing! It starts now!

  196.  #196light heart on December 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    “….your OWN PART OF THIS:

    which is that you created an expectation when the man said something, you heard someting else

    that you are engaging in the ‘manipulated’ thinking insted of going to the feelings and loving them

    that you tehn /LEANED FORWARD and dumped feelings over him

    and then LEANED forward again and attacked him

    – those are all your side. they may be small but ehy are huge.. heal that and magically he will heal too”

    This is so important and so key, seems small, but causes huge rifts and bad feelings, it’s inauthentic….this is exactly why I had to apologize to JCD, and why he lost trust and felt less safe with me, which is what he shared with me today. because of this very thing. I still don’t know if we are meant for each other, because I don’t know that he can really honor my feelings the way I require, but we are helping each other out with our healing, so it’s all good.

    light heart

  197.  #197Starla on December 14, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    wow i just got really scared like what if all this opening up of my personality like how my friend see my humor and all that, and this birthday stuff, make him think he’s not attracted to me?

    NVs! ^^

    The more I act like myself, goofball and all, powerful cynic and all, the more he just tells me it’s adorable.

    blah starla, quit trippin, just keep doing the tools and you’ll be good. there’s nothing wrong with being yourself lol. silly.

    yes yes good siren starla, don’t ever change your core personality, we think you’re interesting and would be bored if you changed.

  198.  #198Daria on December 14, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    actually Starla we wouldn’t be bored if you changed or stayed the same

    cuz we dont love your personality, we love you much deeper than that

    thank you yodadaria

  199.  #199Daria on December 14, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    oops i pust myself down with subtle humor (yodadaria)

    tis cuz i felt unsafe!

    love to me!

    sorry Daria

  200.  #200Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 9:20 pm


    RE: #191 – VERY wise, insightful, and helpful.!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you SO much for working thru this with me! I owe you, girl! I can’t pay you right now, but when I strike it big, you will be on my list! LOL!

    I seriously appreciate your help!!

    Love, E

  201.  #201Daria on December 14, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    Esteemed – also I want to say i fele much encouraged reading your posts… you seem much more self aware and peaceful… these are probably the last blips in the road to huge healing

    i feel much safer communicating with you

    it feels so relaxing

  202.  #202Starla on December 14, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    198: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oops i pust myself down with subtle humor (yodadaria)

    omgggggggg i do this all the time. wow. it’s how i shrink down after being big or deep.

    i am scared others will disapprove of me being big or deep, either directly or by being pushed away by it.

  203.  #203Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    Light Heart,

    RE: #192 – I don’t worship him. I do think very highly of him in most regards. He is unlike any man I ever met, and he has a lot of rich qualities. I feel bored with most men.

    No, this is not about rescuing and needing to be needed. I have had more than my fill of that codependent behavior the past 22 years of my life. I have rescued and been needed by countless men in prison with whom I have corresponded. I feel like puking thinking about rescuing or helping one more man.

    I feel drawn to his genius level intelligence, passion for God, and deep psychological understanding and sensitivity. I have learned profound things from him. My dream is to be in ministry with my future husband. This is what I want with him, if he continues down the right path.

  204.  #204Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 9:37 pm


    RE: #193 – I feel astounded at your depth, insight, wisdom, and kindness. Thank you again. I will most definitely meditate on and digest and process all that you have said.

  205.  #205Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    Elle Emme,

    RE: #194 – Thank you! Sounds really healthy! I feel happy with you that such good things are happening and you have healed so much around that. I am getting there, in baby steps!

  206.  #206light heart on December 14, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    I feel appreciation for the very graceful and patient way you responded to me. I understand where you are coming from better now. That sounds wonderful. I do believe that Daria nailed the exact dynamic that played out this evening when you engaged in manipulated thinking and then acted it out, causing your own pain. I so wish the best for you, you seem like a very special person.

    light heart

  207.  #207Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 9:44 pm


    RE: #200 – Thank you! I feel much safer communicating with you, too. I believe both of us have had mucho healing!

  208.  #208Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    Light Heart,

    RE: #205 – Thank you!

  209.  #209hopeful on December 14, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Daria and Starla wow what a concept…putting myself down after feeling big!! I feel curious and relieved its not only me and feeling weird and like im the only one who does this. When I feel big I feel lonely and away from the pack…i feel strange. I want to feel connected again and belonged and thats when I play it down. When I feel good things about me I feel powerful I feel proud I feel curious to know what there just past the horizon and then I feel sad I feel lonely and confused.

  210.  #210Esteemed on December 14, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Nighty night! I love you all!

  211.  #211DoubleRainbow on December 14, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    I feel good reading about the healing. I hope it’s contagious! I’m in a holding pattern of weirdness in my relationship, and am trying CDing to help break my old patterns. Already I can see how I was making so much of my life about HIM (whoever that was at the moment), and losing my inner anchor entirely. It feels terrifying and scary to be whipping around at the end of someone else’s tether all the time.

    I want to feeeeel my divaness (even tho I hate the word diva) and not immediately go into my head and start worrying what he is thinking of me. Sink into my pelvis, release, 1-2-3, let it drop. When I can do that, everything softens for me.

  212.  #212Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 10:59 pm


    I wrote a special article just for you on what to wear to a Black and White Ball, feeling confident that I’d be able to put the gown I thought of on there (I can add stuff from Amazon). Alas, I found the dress, but it won’t add it. There are some other ideas there if you want to check it out, though.

    Here’s where you can find the article: http://www.squidoo.com/what-to-wear-to-a-black-and-white-gala

  213.  #213Sweetpea on December 14, 2011 at 11:03 pm


    Now that I look closer at the dress, it’s not exactly what I had envisioned…but still kinda cute. It’s here if you want to see it:

  214.  #214laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 2:59 am


    Wow! Thank you so much! I feel so excited to read it.

    I just got home from a fun craft night with the ladies. I had such a good time. I really want to make time to do things like that more often.

    It’s 3 am here. I might wait to read the post until morning when I am fresh.

    Ladies craft night until 3 am…that’s kinda funny. I guess we had lots to talk about.

    Thank you and thank you again.

  215.  #215laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 3:31 am


    I couldn’t wait. I had to look and it’s awesome. I had no idea about the history of the black and white ball ….and I was considering wearing a red dress…How did you know??? hahahaha!

    What can I say, I have a bit of rebel in me and also we are performing and I thought it might be nice to stand out a bit.

    Also, I don’t think I mentioned this but it’s a super-alternative, artistic crowd, like burning man style black and white ball so I can get pretty creative with my look.

    I feel so excited! This is really helpful. I’m going to look more closely at the dresses tomorrow.
    Must go to bed now…


  216.  #216Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:38 am

    Had another date w mr good date cd.

    I kept staring into space thinking fantasize and in depth healings about other men… While in the car w him

    I’m choosing to ok me for that

    It’s ok to feel that

    Anyway I had the most intense fantasy w NyGuy which I wouldn’t emotionally dare w put a nice guy around.

    I am crying one of those I’m so ashamed of my nerdiness but I think I’m so cool crys

    Probably only me and my dad cry this way

    Feels way vulnerable

    And embarrassing

    Love me

    I’m a social retard

    Wow cool an nv in here



    Ong hi
    I listing


    Feeling not good in tummy

    Run away

  217.  #217Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:44 am

    Fuchk me
    Doggy style

    All these men wanna fuchk me doggy style

    Mmmm I was thinking

    Something cool earlier

    I remember …

    It was about open pelvis bringing spine down in belly dance.

    How you don’t have to piston hips for dropped hips

    Just open pelvis


    If you open your pelvis

    Then switch weight on one leg – pelvis will swing up to the side

    But if you then open pelvis on that side and it drops it back down…

    That is the feeling. Men will notice your pelvis irresistibly

    Maybe I’ll do a YouTube video

  218.  #218Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 3:50 am

    Starla #150
    – My mans birthday is the same date! ..and again he’s the big 30!
    We have money worries this year and he say’s not to buy him anything for Christmas or his birthday but I will find that hard! Especially with it being a milestone.
    I was thinking of things I could do without spending money.. Like make a token book Eg. Massage voucher.. Full english breakfast voucher.. haha Things like that, but then isn’t that masculine energy.. or does this not matter? I’m confused..
    I’m struggling.. What could be done otherwise? Any ideas? xxx

  219.  #219Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:52 am

    I just asked neighbor cd will he get me palmers coco utter

    Is that lean forward

    Yes it is.


    But I want it.

    Is it wrong to ask for something?

    Is it predatory?

    Is it wrong to ask a mAn if he’s not your last resort?

    Is it Disrespectful?

    Is it putting on him something that should be on you?

    Is it disgusting?

    Is it a turnoff?

    Is it predatory?

    Is it what rapacious women do?

    Is it sick gross to the head ?



    What if it’s good

    What if it’s good to treat men like flimsy toilet paper

    Like use and dispose

    What of it’s good


    Ciz they give to you and are honored to be your toilet paper

    Ok that’s pretty convincing


    If they would be my toilet paper I guess it’s way better they just get to buy stuff for me.

    They are honored.

  220.  #220Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 3:54 am

    Advice ladies 🙂

    What do you do if you just want to stop bringing something up with your boyfriend so you can focus on your work, or you’re sick of the negativeness.. and he wont discuss it anyway..

    but then because you are trying to stop mentioning it you start feeling resentful because it’s still bothering you.. as though you just feel like he’s been forgiven ‘too easily’ without even having to talk about it.. Doesn’t this tell him you’re a ‘soft touch’.

    (I saw emails to an ex he’d sent at the beginning of our relationship and all I could get from him was ‘its silly’ and then the more I tried to discuss he just withdrew so I decided to leave it.. I do believe that its irrelevant, our relationships changed and grown so much bit I still cant help but feel resentful.)
    I wish I didnt feel the need for closure.

    He also ignored me practically all day yesterday after the past few days of negative feeling and he never does that, yet he was going on facebook talking to other people knowing I could see! Then I got a message later on saying “Sorry havnt been in touch I’ve been busy today!” ..I didn’t wanna show that bothered me so I didnt.. but that busy he can go on facebook all day knowing I can see but not reply to my text?

    Plus.. He never speaks to me about his daughter from his past relationship (with said ex)
    Unfortunately he doesn’t see her anymore. If I mention her he never seems like he wants to dicuss it.
    It was her birthday and he’s had her picture on his display pic for two days.. It kinda makes me feel distant from him seen as he doesn’t speak to me about it but obviously really misses her and must talk about her to other people.
    How can I feel close to him when I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend on facebook, it’s his little girls picture and I’ve never met her or talked about her. I can’t help but feel like maybe we’re not close. Just wish he’d open up
    It’s like a part of his life he won’t let me into.. Is that selfish?

    Also, seeing these emails.. How can I trust him now knowing he can be in direct contact with his ex so easily and I’ll never know as it’s password protected. Plus there have been things found on his phone and facebook in the first part of our relationship and they’re all password protected too. I know the relationships changed now but how can I build that trust again. I try but then I see things (albeit from the start of our relationship) and I can’t help feel the lack of trust again.

    Sorry that’s alot.. I’m just venting.. 🙂 xxx

  221.  #221Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Slippin Goddess – I would do dress up sex

    And romantic style strawberries and chocolate blowjob

  222.  #222Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:57 am

    And a lot of worshipping of me. Maybe try a new position.

    Maybe just praise him a whole lot and cook something that’s his favorite if he lives w me. Or decide I suddenly want to eat at his favorite restaurant – and make sure my baby has food he wants

    Wow I difnt know this about myself

    Is that safe

  223.  #223Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:13 am

    That was for his birthday that those posts were about

    Wow I am a freak

    I only give to my man sexually

    And even then I give him the pleasure of worshipping a goddess

    I rock

    Way more than the other girls

    Well that can feel bad so we say I rock

    I feel moved

    I feel deflated

    It’s ok to feel better than

    It’s ok to feel thrilled to see yourself as better than

    It’s ok to feel gilt

    Actually it’s ok to see yourself better than

    Yay I’m better than other girls

    I’m better than all of you

    I’m better than you

    Ha ha

    Y’all bitches suck

    I’m a pimp

    Fuchk talk bitches

    And if I have to wait again

    I say fuchk y’all hutcches

    Not bitches but butchers

    Cyz y’all all ratchet

    Mouth as botches

    Chasin after riches

    Like y’all vicious

    Your head game is vicious

    Your ass is delicious

    What I’m gona do w these mouth ass bitcges

    Feed em to the fishes

    Them sea bass butches

    Suchkin on my britches

    Talkin buttpreettylicious

    Suck that dick

    And when u suck that dick

    Pay that trick

    All that he buyin

    Aunt no stylin

    We high stylin

    Standing on the corner sellin stallions

    High volumes

    From Romania to the bay we be wilin

    My cd is buying

    My cocobutter for me

    And life is happy and free.


    I feel so uncomfortable to post that

    And I feel so excited

    That’s one of the most magnificent things I’ve created in my life

    And I feel shame imagining what my voices say

    I so judge it

    But it’s too holy to judge

    It’s me

    I am so cool


    So cool I do not want to stop writing

    I am the queen of heaven sent

    Heavy cent

    Of wood nuts and chocolate


    And pretty ass feetpretty as pusdy
    Pretty as tits

    Pretty ass teeth

    Pretty as kiss

    Gona get lost in your pretty as lips

    When we kiss

  224.  #224Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:19 am

    I am creating raps and they’re going into moderation.

    I live me.

    I feel so proud of me.

    What is that feeling really.

    Like safety. Relaxation.


    I feel relief.

    I feel a very comfortable liking for myself and feeling of well being.

    I would like to keep feeling this.

    All the time

    I want to heal whatever’s blocking that.

    I hate terminology terms.

    Therapy terms.

    I even hate healingugh healing ales me think of being sick


    Healing from what

    Can’t we think of a better term?


    What’s a better term


    Puky creation




    Fuchk lat


    Ew what to call it

    Writing my thoughts

    Hello mind

  225.  #225Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:22 am

    Feels embarrassing to expose my kind in public

    But yet in a non forceful way cuz they can skip it


    And also in real life you can skip it easy

    So it’s ok to expose my mind, they can skip it I love it

    If they don’t want it

    They skip it and I

    Exposé my mind and hopefully attract the ones that want it

    But what of I attract no one


  226.  #226Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:26 am

    Thanks Daria, guess it’s just me wrapped up nice in a bow then.. Something money could not buy 😉 Lucky boy!

    I guess I could splurge on some silk boxers for him.. Of course only because I think I’d enjoy them on him haha xx

  227.  #227Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:29 am

    You know I think as a woman Beyonce’s music is so inspiring.. One listen of ‘Irreplaceable’ for instance reminds me we women have power and there are plenty of men in this world..


    They should be honoured to be given the opportunity to get close to us 🙂

    It makes me feel good xx

    “You must not know ’bout me!” 😉

  228.  #228Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:36 am

    That good part of the feeling I have w NyGuy
    I want that w every man

    It feels so alive and sensual constantly

  229.  #229Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:41 am

    That’s the kinda man I can’t have

    Cuz rori says so

    Cuz I’m attracts to him

    And that means doom

    Cyz I have false attractions


    Always sucks for you Daria

    This is th worst feeling

    I can’t even describe it right now

    It’s like resignation

    Total helplessness that you’re not good enough

    I love this feeling

    I feel profound to notice this feeling

    Even if I don’t deserve him

    He’s way to cool for me

    Some pretty girl will get him

    Some pretty girl that’s his culture




    Terror frozen ness

    I am not good enough for this guy who is a catchiest of ever catch that god made

    This guy is too good for me

    He’s gonna get a girl he likes and love her so well with that touch and tak and smile

    And ouch


  230.  #230Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:48 am

    Maybe ‘Irreplaceable’ fits in with the concept of Circular Dating.. No man is irreplaceable.. There’s always other guys there waiting to give you attention..

    “Standing in the front yard telling me
    How I’m such a fool, talking about
    How I’ll never ever find a man like you
    You got me twisted

    You must not know ’bout me
    You must not know ’bout me
    I could have another you in a minute
    Matter fact he’ll be here in a minute, baby

    You must not know ’bout me
    You must not know ’bout me
    I can have another you by tomorrow
    So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable”

  231.  #231Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:49 am

    Help I want that.

    I want him 24 7

    It feels like I’m on another level when in with him

    Like my heart is open

    My fun is open

    Help god

    Even when he’s not paying attention to me

    I want to feel that good and whatever bubbly lava alive and doing the most eonderfulest thing coolest brag about thing ever feeling with him forever and I want to feel like this I want to feel like this I way to feel like this

    I feel jealous of him feeling like that all the time

    I want to feel like that all the time like my life is cool and I’m cool and gun and alive and sexy and everything good that I feel I Wang that fro
    M him

    I don’t want hi

    I Want that

    I Want that

    I Want that self live Nd enjoyment and worth and cool factor of being alive

    I’m cooler them Paris Hilton feeling like

    I am big time big lifei am one of the most amazing people

    I live me thank you Daria

    I really wanna ducky

    Him now
    Ong I’m irgasming thinking of him fuchking me from the back I wonder of he’s spirit is in here doing me

    He did Wang to be my baby daddy

  232.  #232Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:54 am

    I lost the feeling! I want it back!

    You can’t always have it. You’re not cool enough. You’re not good enough you’re not capable

    You can’t. Do it. If you can . But you can’t.

    You can’t even make money

    Fuchk me.

    Mmm .

    Ok I’m back w him feeling turned on.

    I don’t think he can make money either. I can feel his sadness – well at least I imagine.

    Fuchk me.

    I want him to fuchk me and take care of me.

    Not in the stingy way he was.

    I’m the I love you way.

    What way is that spell it out.

    I fel sick I feel bored I feel disengaged

    I live me

    I feel blank squirming can’t breathe. Love me

  233.  #233Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:10 am

    this was bomb

    my CD added porn to my favorites and

    i liked it

    i like so much porn about a pretty girl feeling good AND suhking a whole lotta dick like 10 at once

    just feeling good about sexuality and humans and feleing safe


    so cool

    anyway it feels inspiring to me

    weird to feel inspired by porn?

    that most women would think its degrading (especially this one, with multiple men as shes like even putting her face in their booties.

    but its cute)

    i woudl link it

    though i think its against the rules

    i will try it anyway and rori will tell me

    if its ‘wrong’

    or inappropriate

    i just like it

    practicing being ok sharing my sexuality

    and beign open

    and non judgemntal

    and sex is lovely and ok

    not traumatic

    and i love me



    *** http://xhamster.com/movies/598252/annette_schwarz_deepthroat_gangbang_10_bbc_part_1_dtd.html

    i am craxy

    i am really on a limb sharing porn online

    this feels thrilling

    id feel humiliated to feel chastised

    i ahve a right to do waht i awant

    i am safe and lvoed

    and so is sex

    and i dont want to traumatize other people who feel uncomfotable with some sex and have diff perspectives

    and i wanna be me

    so i feel sooo uncomfortable right now

    the worst that will happen is rori will tell me to not do it anymore

    that will feel horrible like im a child


    i love me

    i love me much

    this feels like im worhtless

    i deserve to be ok to talk about my sexuality wheere i want to

    i love me

    i am having sex with you guys

    right now


    i feel weird

    i feel uncomforable

    judgemental toward myself

    wow i love me so mich

    i love me so much

    wow how thrilling im gonna post this shoking post!

  234.  #234Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:16 am

    someone tell me this is ok and i did not sexually assault anyone

    this si ok and you are lovely daria

    ok i feel so scared!

    i love you

    you are safe

    NO! they cold think im really wrong and make me wrong and accuse me of like violating them

    i am violating thme by sharing the sexual part of me

    they dont want that

    it is not ok

    it is not safe

    i feel SO SAD!!

    i feel frozen and disengaged

    in thie PSAIN

    i feel

    this is familiar

    i love me

    i love my stuckness

    myf rozen terror embarassment

    oeike saying im sick and evil

    i love me

    i want to love me

    i am sick and gross

    my dad would think im gross

    my mom would think im ill

    i love me

    i totally approve of me

    i totally apprive of the porn i like

    i like it

    and i lie the good parts about it

    that i see

    i like to turn things upised down

    and say is it really necessary to think sex is bad

    or exploiting the female


    or is it really that shes exploiting them

    and enjoying the sex

    we always enjoy

    taht we are the sex goddesses

    and we know its a blessing

    and we are laughing and be happy

    that sex is a blessing and we are engaging in it

    regardless of the judgement

    this is beofore the hudgement

    this is its fun energizing it feels good it feels prety it feels lovely sexy its

    amazing my capapcity to be pleased

    i can handle all the men in the wrold

    i am sex goddess

  235.  #235Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:17 am

    maybe everyone will be

    wow cool porn daria!

    i like that one heres one i like

    wow that hella turned me on

    high 5 i like porn

    thats what i would expect from my friends

    nd brothers

    i feel so safe and accepted with them


    love to me

    love to feleing close and loved

  236.  #236Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:18 am

    i feel bored

    ill check if anyone exciting wrote me on pof

  237.  #237Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:19 am

    it is totally ok to be yourself

    you are practicing for bieng yourself iwth a man

    including porn

    you are so ok

    its acutally endearing and amazing


  238.  #238Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:26 am

    i feel panicked

    my speical website with the thug guys i liked seems to have come to a halt, from like almost 10 guys a day

    oh no!

    i hope i didnt meet everyone and thats it’


  239.  #239Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:27 am

    i like outlaw guy style

    if i could make the laws

    i would make no laws

    and i would feel good

  240.  #240Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:27 am

    im a read damnyouautocorrect.com

  241.  #241Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:28 am

    i feel so jumpy tht i feel all exposed about the post earlier

    im closing off and im internet ‘chattering’

    i love me

    nowi feel hungry

  242.  #242Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:43 am

    I feel uncomfortable writing on here

    I need to feel validated to calm down

    I am not ok

    I’m not my own authority on this one

    I need approval

    I approve of you Daria

    Pinching on my shoulder

    Guts all tightened up.

    I love you

    I love me

    I feel stony

    D nauseous

    I love my feelings

    I know these feelings

    Seein Wayne’s family

    It feels scary yet so thrilling and so alive real that feeling years are coming

    And I love all my feelings

    And all the stuff I ate and the amazing part about it becoming me

  243.  #243Daria on December 15, 2011 at 5:45 am

    show up and fuchk me or pay me attention now!


    i feel good

    i can mediated

    i can have an orgasm again

    shame! hideen! keep it hidden

    you are a bad girl

    society hates you

    i love me

    and my fears
    and my stuff

    i feel sick

    i lov e my sickness

  244.  #244Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 5:50 am

    @ FW#13 – I work in NYC!!!

  245.  #245Mel on December 15, 2011 at 5:58 am

    Hello ladies,

    Top of the morning to you all!

    I feel better this morning. It was good for me to just feel those “disappointment” feelings and fears and I think it really helped me to see my NVs for what they really are.

    Mr. A sent me a really sweet email this morning being so appreciative that I was understanding. He is going to be out of town for a couple days, (that’s why I was so sad that we couldn’t get-together yesterday) but said he would be thinking of me lots and would try to find a computer to keep in touch. Man! He’s all “against” cell phones, but times like this make me wish he had one! LOL

    Meanwhile, I’ll be keeping super busy for the rest of the week. I anticipated that I would likely not see him at all, so I made my schedule jam-packed with fun and important Xmas tasks, and taking care of me things.

    Remember how I was all nervous last week about bringing stuff to my ex’s place? Well, I didn’t do it after all. He’s driving here on the weekend to get it. I’m not feeling nervous about that. I think it was the thought of me expending any effort or leaning forward at all that made me feel so yucky. It will be great to have this stuff out of my place!

  246.  #246Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 6:06 am

    So many neighbors

  247.  #247Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 6:19 am

    A recycled CD texted me this am and after saying hello and I repsonded. he came backe with “why is it that I only hear from you when I call you first. My response was ” I feel more comfortable letting the man take the lead”. His response to that was Stop the BS baby….I then said it’s not BS it’s the truth….

  248.  #248Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 6:26 am

    @ Slippin Goddess #219 – I found this from i believe it was Paige Parker and it’s helped me to stop bringing up topics that trigger both my insecurities and my man’s insecurities – Confidence transcends mistakes and flaws. How you handle the inevitable mistakes is what matters more than being perfect. Don’t dwell on past or present mistakes – move on. Men will forget them faster if you brush them off and call no further attention to them.

  249.  #249Mel on December 15, 2011 at 6:26 am

    Practical question Re: Xmas…

    Do I get Mr. A a gift? We’ve been dating over 3 months. If so, what type of gift would be good? I would want it to be thoughtful, but not at all overboard. Ideas Starla? (I figured you might be able to help because you’re in a relationship of a similar length…) Ladies?

    It’s difficult, because we haven’t discussed gifts, so while I don’t care even a bit if he doesn’t get me one, I just wouldn’t want him to feel awkward.

    My thoughts:
    -2 tix (one for me) to a sporting event where our teams play each other


    -PJs (his are old and need replacing- the dog actually chewed on them. LOL)


    -a book



  250.  #250Lili 41 on December 15, 2011 at 6:26 am

    He was watching the hockey game on tv while I was brushing my teeth. He’s a hockey fanatic maniac!
    As soon as I joined him, he turned off the tv and put on romantic music!! 🙂

    He’s been so enthusiastic and excited to see me every day since the Saturday night party.

    Cd’ing does pay off! Even if it’s not dating other men. I’ve just been more open and warm to other men, mostly coworkers, especially at the party. I was enjoying the attention.
    I also made a point of telling D the next day how everyone enjoyed his company at the party and how I enjoyed his presence there.

    He’s so into me right now. One day at a time, but I am surely enjoying the present! 🙂

  251.  #251Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 6:32 am

    hhhmm Lili41 that sounds so great.

  252.  #252Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Mochaberry, you read Dating without Drama too

  253.  #253Starla on December 15, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Oooh i love gift time, Mel! By the time xmas comes it’ll be more like 5-6 months (today is our 5 month mark, actually, not that i think about it), but i bought the gifts at the 4 month mark so hopefully it’s still comparable.

    His bday is the day before christmas so i got two sets of gifts, not knowing which would be given for which. But at any rate, I got him this from his favorite TV show of all time: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000F4ABXC/ref=oh_o00_s00_i01_details

    and i got him a little keychain based off an item in the show to tie on the ribbon wrapping the clock.

    And then the other set of gifts i got him were a pair of related books. One book he was eyeing lustfully when he took me to this quaint book store in the mountains, and the other he went searching for with me one day at the store but couldn’t find it.

    i feel bad, his mom told me she got him a particular rock and roll coffee table book, and CF and I saw it at the store the other day, and he had a visceral reaction to the book…i never seen him act like that before. He seriously objected to the book and everything it stands for.

    And his mom got it for him for christmas, lol. lolololol. lol. lol. his poor mom. and poor cf! his family doesn’t understand him in this way.

    at any rate, each set of gifts was maybe 30-40 bucks.

    He was really easy to shop for.

    If you guys are into music, you could always burn him a mix cd and decorate the CD cover, or something along those lines. I think that is soooo nice when people do that.

  254.  #254Mel on December 15, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Thanks Starla!

    I’m leaning toward the hockey tix at the moment. We each cheer for different teams and they are playing one another after the holidays. We often watch games together and make friendly wagers. And I figure there would be very little awkwardness because I kinda bought it for me too… I just hope he doesn’t have the same idea! LOL

  255.  #255Starla on December 15, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Mel i really like that idea. if he has the same idea, that would be too awesomely cute:P

  256.  #256Mel on December 15, 2011 at 7:00 am

    I won’t actually see him over the holidays because I will be going home. But Mr. Sweetie has offered to drive me to the airport. Perhaps I will get the tix and just be like “hey… look what I got for us!!” when I get back. That way there doesn’t have to be any pressure at all behind the gesture. Yup, I like that.

  257.  #257Mel on December 15, 2011 at 7:04 am

    In that way, it’s not really leaning forward at all. In fact, I’m kind of getting myself a Xmas gift and merely inviting him to participate in something I would really like to do.


  258.  #258Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 7:05 am

    YAY Rose….


  259.  #259Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Sweetpea – yes she is tiny. when we first met years ago, we were like twin miniature people screaming, so happy to finally meet in the flesh. I’ve gotten taller though from my work, so I think I have a bit more height than she. hah..

    I’m feel so giddy today. I have so much work to do, and here I am responding to ancient posts from last night. And I feel perfectly okay with this.


  260.  #260Starla on December 15, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Mochaberri, just tweaking with you to get away from ‘explaining’ to men:

    Him: Stop the BS baby

    You: Aww I feel bad reading/hearing that.

    or, Aww I feel amused but feel kinda bad reading/hearing that.

  261.  #261Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Esteemed – “How would YOU have responded if a man you had never met asked you if you would blush when he first kissed you?”

    I think this is sweet.
    I don’t want to hurt your feelings, and I think this has been brought by Daria before, but I keep seeing a default going to the negative with things. Not always of course, but in this case as a for instance.

    The conversation you posted did not suggest a lech in any way, and even if he is, it will come out sooner or later, sooner more likely.

    I understand you hesitancy and your guardedness, but this is what this work is about, risking being vulnerable. Sure it hurts being hurt, but this only make more room for even more love.

    The more you can release the shielding you carry (mind you we all do to some degree or another), the better quality men will appear, AND more importantly, the happier and more at peace you will feel.


  262.  #262Izzy on December 15, 2011 at 7:24 am

    I’ve been single for a long time. I know how to entertain myself. But it feels better to me if I have company, so we can share.

    I like to watch movies or tv by myself. But when I’m with someone, I like to share about what we are watching. I don’t keep talking all the time, but it feels good to share and make a comment here and there. I feel that I have company this way. I feel connected and not lonely.

    But with my guy, if we are watching tv or a movie he gets so absorbed by it he won’t say anything. ANYTHING. And I can’t say anything either. I feel lonely and he is right there. My ex wasn’t like this, he would share. So it is not a man thing.

    Also, when we go out to eat, he won’t say much. It is hard to get to know him. On our first dates he was so open, he started talking about his brother and he got teary-eyed and he would share more about his life.

    I’ve been feeling lonely when I’m with him. We have so little time together and he always has to bring his friend with or we go watch a movie and I feel lonely, like he isn’t even there.

    If it is for me to feel lonely, I’d rather be by myself.

    It feels like he wants to be with me, but at the same time he doesn’t.

    I told him last night that I miss him even though we spent time together. He started saying things we could do that could bring us closer. That felt good.

    But he calls me every day and last night he didn’t. I didn’t call him either.

    Something must have felt bad for him, but I feel bad also.

    Maybe we aren’t a good match.

    Is there hope or should I let it go and move on?

  263.  #263Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 7:39 am

    I’m so confused about the masculine/feminine energy thing..

    I mean, I know my guy loves doing things for me.. Cooking, buying etc..
    and he isn’t the most emotional person..
    So definately masculine energy..

    but then he’s pretty indecisive and he’s always asking me to make decisions.. Eg. What are we doing later? What time do you want me down? What do you think about this? What should I do..
    and things like.. Will you drive? Will you take the car int the garage.. etc..

    ..from what I can see his ex girlfriends were pretty much in charge. They always ended up with the house etc. They ended it with him. They cheated. They was the boss, he stayed with the kids, they went out partying. They bullied him a bit. Etc..

    His mums the same.

    Now this guys a manly guy.. but he did seem to love them.

    So am I supposed to be the boss in the relationship. Make plans, organise things etc.. but still let him work and treat me etc.. and appreciate that.

    I’m confused.

    My ex boyfriend I can see now was so feminine.. I made plans, I booked and planned holidays, he came along for the ride haha I drove everywere.
    He made the phone calls, texts etc.. but I never once with him thought ‘Oh my god I crave a hug’ it was the other way round. I was like the man. But he absolutely adored me.

    So I guess I’m confused. Can you actually tell them what you want, what to do, etc.. but in fact its just what vibe your putting out when you do it?
    Or is any planning, deciding etc masculine and wrong?

    Hope that makes sense xx

  264.  #264Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Sweetpea – #213 Oh my love the dress, but it doesn’t come in my size at all…:(


  265.  #265Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Slipping Goddess it sounds to me like he attracts the same type of women. It also sounds like he does have some immaturity going on the other women in his life did not inspire enough change for him to be mature. I don’t know if this is the best thing for you to do but it seems to me that your best bet is follow Rori’s advice verbatim. In other words go all girl. Nothing might end up happening intially but it might help his healing/growth process. Seems to me like you have to change everything in the way you are with him. Don’t make any decisions/lead in any way. When he asks what are we doing later I believe it is okay to say “I don’t know. What do you think?”

    What should I do? “You are a smart man, I feel confident you will figure it out”.

    Will you drive? “I feel cherished and protected when my man drives me. You are the man”.

    What time do you want me down? Well, I will be ………….at this time….. or that time. Give him the timelines of your activities so he can fit himself in or see clearly that he will be crowded out if he doesn’t request a time. It might be that he senses you are fully available to him and have nothing else going on in your life. Then end your response with what do you think? It feels like too much pressure when I have to make the decisions.

  266.  #266Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Slippin’ Goddess – How does that feel to you? Do you feel good making the decisions?

    If not then you tell him you don’t feel comfortable making the decisions. That it would feel so much better to have these things decided for you. If it does.

    Experiment. Try one way or another. How do you feel each way?

    If you have something special in mind you want to do, try this, “It would feel so amazing if we could go to……see……What do you think?” Or “I have been dreaming about this. Do you want to hear?” And then go ahead and share what you have on your mind.


  267.  #267Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Izzy – Try this – “I feel lonely. I miss you.” If his says something like, “but I’m right here,” say something like, “I miss our sharing (or time alone or whatever it is you feel is missing). Can you help?”

    See how he responds. See if things change. Give him some time and a few chances to see of this man is a good match for you or not.


  268.  #268mali on December 15, 2011 at 8:18 am

    So yesterday I went clubbing for the first time on a large scale.

    And there were so many TRIGGERS.

    I was with a friend who, like me, doesn’t drink, but loves dancing.

    On the way in, an asian guy met my eye and told me that I was beautiful. My friend and her friends who were with us were French, so when I walked away, he called, “Frenchie” after me, and when he caught up with us, told my friend “Your friend is beautiful. She’s like a French version of J Lo”.

    He tried to touch my ass, but I was fuming by this point, and snarled at him, “Don’t even try it”, to which he said, “WHY” (?!?!), and so I walked off. SO ANGRY.

    But there’s healing to be done here. I come from aculture which dictates that women should dress modestly, not show much flesh (which I was doing), so naturally I felt uncomfortable. I felt strange and weird being “on show”.

    The guy… he was drunk. Being Muslim, I don’t drink, so I feel really ickly being around drunk people. And it’s just that thought of him being all rowdy that turned me off and got me so angry. But it’s interesting to see that this was my defence- it’s easy to jump to anger instead of being a girl.

    But UGH, seriously.

    And then when dancing, people kept walking into me, passing me, spilling drinks everywhere. I found it disgusting. I was all FOR F***S SAKE. I’M TRYNNA DANCE HERE, CAN YOU NOT INVADE MY PERSONAL SPACE?!?!


    Felt so MAD. And uncomfortable, and a little overwhelmed.

    On the other hand, my lovely friend took such good care of me… I felt so happy to be there with her, she made sure we didn’t lose eachother 🙂

  269.  #269Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 8:28 am

    @Daria #77 – thank you for your support and advice.
    I agree that I stole the boy energy by asking how he was – and I feel that he demonstrates a lot of female energy and out girls me….I will practice what you have advised. It’s definitely be awkward the first few times….

    Here’s a tweak and would appreciate your feed back
    M: hello
    K: hello
    M: it feels good to hear your voice

    your thoughts?

  270.  #270Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Put plants around your mental and emotional self.

    Plants that will give you shade to your thoughts and feelings and nurture and feed you – and invite a man in to sit in the shade and share your bounty.

    Don’t ask him to “stick.”
    Don’t be afraid of him going.
    Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled YOU – and change your life.

    Love, Rori

  271.  #271Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 8:31 am

    @Starla #260 – Thank you!!! Your suggestion was a trigger for me and in the most postive way!!

    I realize that I tend to explain all the time – this is something that needs healing and improvement

    Keep up the good work and please offer more ways I can stop explaining myself!!!

  272.  #272Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 8:32 am

    @FW #252 – Will do!!!

  273.  #273Wildflower on December 15, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Hi Sirens,

    I was wondering what your thoughts were on something. I have a good friend who set me up with a male friend of hers. He and I have been out once and we had a wonderful time. He lives four hours away so it is difficult to get together, but he says after we both return from vacation in a couple of weeks he would like to make plans to see me…which is great. The problem is she has decided that I’m not “doing” enough (I should be calling and emailing him more often since he’s used to women chasing him). She also seems irritated (actually angry) that I’m dating other men. He and I have only been out once and from what I can tell he likes being the manly pursuer. The two of them talk on the phone a lot so I could be wrong…but he seems to be fine with everything (at least based on his emails and phone calls). Any advice for what to say to her?? I’ve tried to explain to her that I”m keeping my options open until I meet a man who is serious about me and wants to give me a ring. How do I deal with a woman (who is also a great friend) who just doesn’t “get” “sirenness” without hurting her feelings? I love her to pieces but I’m starting to see first hand how a man feels when a woman tries to subtly control him by trying to “make things happen!!!”

  274.  #274Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 9:21 am

    265 Feminine Woman 266 Dominique

    Thankyou both for your advice..
    Yes I agree with the immaturity thing..
    He’s great at doing things for me.. Cooking etc.. But sometimes if he needs something doing he’ll ask his sister to run round for him, his mum to lend money, me to do this do that..
    Maybe he’s just used to this behaviour, maybe it’s some kind of insecurity that he feels he can’t make decisions sometimes.. and I should like you say go all girl and kind of push him to man up and solve things for himself. Believe he can by allowing him to so that he believes in himself.

    I know when he’s planned nights dates for us and they’ve really pulled off and when he was sending me money over when I was away travelling (like a hero to the damsel in distress) he really loved it.

    So yes, I guess I maybe should push him. He’s probably just sitting back into behaviour he’s used to, but the opposite will make him feel better in himself.

    About your other comment, do I like making the decisions? No I don’t mind but I do love it when he does these things himself.

    I wanna be treat like a princess.. so I’ve gotta act like one.. He might be my idiot in tin foil now but I have seen glimpses of my knight in shining armour.. I’m relatively optimistic 🙂 xxx

  275.  #275Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 9:30 am

    But then.. if his ex’s kinda ruled over him like he says maybe that’s what he likes, someone to boss him about , tell him whats what. Or is this just what he is ‘used to’. As his mother is quite domineering aswell. In fact many a time she has said to me ‘He cant believe his luck in finding someone who treats him so well’.

    But does that also mean his ex’s are probably his ex’s because they made him into the feminine energy and then didnt get the affection they wanted or just then didnt find him attractive anymore.
    I guess that’s what happened with my ex aswell, I lost attraction due to his neediness, crying etc.
    If they both cheated on him maybe it suggests this. I’ve read when women cheat it’s usually for more emotional reasons. (Not getting what they want at home).

    Who knows.. It feels like writing things down gets things more clear in my own head. xx

  276.  #276lk on December 15, 2011 at 9:30 am

    well… CDcd picked me up yesterday & took me into this cute town for lunch. we were going to do something like this museum exhibit, but – like always ! – we just ended up walking aimlessly around for hours, talking : ) he bought a star chart & i bought a moon chart. he tried to buy it for me, but i just said, thank you : ) i’ll think of it as a gift from you : ) & he took me to lunch at this beautiful teahouse we’d already been to & we got to sit at the cushion-y table : )

    we went to his house & he took good care of me, played the music i wanted to hear, etc…. he gave me a beautiful journal with colored illustrations & spiritual quotes.

    on the couch to watch the movie, he kissed me & i was so scared & awkward & laughing but then it really moved me & we lay down & he said, wow, your heart is beating as fast as mine, & i said, yes, that felt really terrifying ! we cuddled & not really any more kissing, just a little…

    then we went to bed & he started kissing me & i felt really turned on but i stopped moving & felt scared & said, “i feel really turned on with you, but really slow feels good” & then he let me move his hands where i wanted them & didn’t move at all.

    i was so shaky & electrified that i couldn’t sleep basically all night. he kept cuddling me & letting me move & rubbing my back…

    at 3 AM, when i still couldn’t sleep, he offered to make me tea & to smxke a little to relax me. we cuddled on the couch & saw so many shooting stars : ) i rubbed his neck & then we went back to bed & he rubbed my neck & head & my pulse points… then just cuddled & i slept finally.

    in the morning, he made me breakfast & coffee & drove me down again & we had second breakfast together near my work.

    he told me how he’s making plans to have more free time for me & that he wants to go for a weekend away next month : ) … & when i asked something, he said, “lk, this is your house; you should feel comfortable to do anything you want here” wow !!! : )

    felt a little nervous about my armpit hair while we were cuddling lol : / & also felt triggered when he said i was “sweet” for some reason… not sure why…. i guess that sounds like young & naive to me ? anyway, that’s my business. i also told him when he took my hand that sometimes that makes me feel weird & i’m not sure why… like maybe it’s silly to make your hands useless like that ? … but we talked about it & we agreed that he would just keep doing it & i would just keep telling him how i feel, since sometimes i do like it…. haha : ) weirdo lk o_0

    he also told me next time we meet like that, he can just pick me up directly from work so I don’t have to drive at all ! that’s so nice : )

    & also, in the car ride back he said, so… are we dating ? i’m really not sure about how this works…. & i said, yes we are dating… but what do you mean by that ? & he said, like i wouldn’t act the way i do around you with anyone else… I said, hmm… & yes, we are dating, but i will go out with people & i don’t want to date exclusively right now, though i wouldn’t feel good kissing someone after kissing you. & then i said… yes, i believe that a long-term commitment is possible, like lifetime commitment or something similar to that & i do want that for myself, so it doesn’t make sense to close off my options, but i do have some behaviors, especially physical, that i do that make me feel good & he seemed to like that : ) he said, yes, i can see that you wouldn’t want to close yourself off… i think we’ll have to keep having that conversation lol… it’s a big topic : )

  277.  #277Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Mochaberri – You didn’t ask me, but since I’m here, re#269, perfect…


  278.  #278Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 9:35 am

    “I wanna be treat like a princess.. so I’ve gotta act like one.” – There you go. Here is how you feel. There are wonderful to encourage this in a man if he’s hesitant. For example when he does step and plan, makes a decision, TELL him how much you love this, how good it makes you feel. This works so well, far better than complaining or prodding, not that you do this, but many women do.


  279.  #279Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 9:38 am

    @ Slipping Goddess #263 -FW #265 – Dominique #266

    I feel confused as well with the whole masculine/feminine energy theory. I get the concept that men “do” and women “just be”. What confuses me is if I want to communicate to my man is that considered doing? Also, Dominique, you prompted SG to think about if she is comfortable making decisions. Is it Ok for the woman to make the decisions if the man puts it out there that he wants her to make the decision? Or is he outgirling? Or is that considered not letting him be a man? It feels to me that her man is being masculine and offering her the ability to make the choices that would make her happy.

    My man wanted to see me last night and when we met up and hung out he later asked me if I was going home or staying the night? I said I don’t know and asked him what his thoughts were and his response was whatever you want to do. I said I’ll stay over. Was he outgirling me by leaving the decision up to me or did I not allow him to lead?

  280.  #280Mel on December 15, 2011 at 9:40 am


    Wow lk! I feel so happy for you! That felt great to read! 🙂

  281.  #281lk on December 15, 2011 at 9:47 am

    also, he smells intoxicatingly good & is soft to touch.

    also, he said, i don’t call you very much because i don’t want to step on your toes or crowd you & i said, well i get scared to call you… & he said, me too…. & i said, well, you always call just as i’m getting ready to call & he said, yes, i do channel your energy & i think i can feel when it will feel good … ?!? … CR8ZY lol

  282.  #282Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 9:49 am

    LG @ 214, 215,

    Hahahahaha!! I feel delighted by the thought of your wearing a red dress! But then, I’m a bit of a rebel as well.

    Me, thumb my nose at society? I wouldn’t dream of it…

    I say, if you want to wear red, you will definitely stand out – but… you’re a Siren, you can handle it. That being said, I really like the dress that’s both white and black and the backless one.

    And…you’re welcome; I’m glad you enjoyed the article. It was impulsive on my part, but I read yesterday that “sometimes impulse is intuition in action…” or something to that effect.

  283.  #283Mochaberri on December 15, 2011 at 9:51 am

    @ Dominique #277

    Thank you and please feel free to jump in!!! I admire your wisdom as well as all the other sirens on here and I love your blog!

    i feel warm and fuzzy!!!! My new way to answer the phone and get out of my boy role!!!

  284.  #284Senior Lady Vibe on December 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

    @93: Rose

    Happy magic days.

  285.  #285lk on December 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

    @Mel 280 thanks : )

    i feel nervous to have given him my version of the no-girlfriend speech o_0

    that’s my first time saying that in response to a direct request to behave exclusively …

  286.  #286Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Mel @ 245,

    Gosh! It feels like we’re almost living parallel lives. I feel in awe!

    I forgot to ask you about what happened causing you to not get your rendezvous. MM had to go out of town for work. He left on Sunday and had lots of running to do on Saturday to get ready, so my weekend was cut short with him. (He did include me in some of his errand running Saturday afternoon, which felt luscious).

    And the plan was for us to spend lots of time together starting next week, but he won’t even be back in town until Wednesday, at the earliest.

    I don’t remember reading about your taking some stuff over to his house, but it resonated with me because I felt shy for awhile about even taking an overnight bag when I went for the weekends. (Thanksgiving week is the first time I did and I left in the car the first night, lol).

    I realized that I was feeling that “hiding feeling” I’ve been healing from in all areas of my life. So last weekend, I just grabbed it as soon as I got there – and he carried it in for me. 😀

    Some of my fears feel so silly. Especially after they’re healed.

  287.  #287Senior Lady Vibe on December 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

    On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

    …two Starbucks coffees…
    …a Rori Raye new video to see…

    “Twelve Days of Christmas”

  288.  #288Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Mel again @ 245,

    Lol! I’m catching up on the blog this morning. When I got back up to read the next comment, I see that it’s getting your ex’s stuff out.

    In my feeling exuberant, I totally skimmed over it. Feeling smiley, but kinda bad that I didn’t “listen” to your whole comment. Oops.

  289.  #289Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Hmmm in fact now ita kind of making sense..

    When hes done romantic things for me like planned dates, been affectionate, done nice things..

    He comments on how he’s never done this before.

    I never used to hold hands. I never do things like this, your actually the person I’ve took out for a meal the most. Etc. and he’s pleased about it. It’s like that’s what makes him fall in love.

    So it kind of fits in with the fact that he’s just been used to the other kind of energy and it feels good when he’s able to be a man. However he’s so used to having someone take charge he still falls into these behaviours sometimes.

    I guess he makes it easy for a girl to take charge. He has commented on how his ex’s were ‘nice at first’.
    Maybe I really need to do what was suggested and ‘go ALL girl’.

    I did read an article recently though that suggested when opposite energy attracts. But after a while you get annoyed that your partner is too much your opposite. Eg. One a girly feminine energy has settled, the MASCULINE MAN who you was so attracted to as he took the lead, organised things etc.. starts to grate as you suddenly want him to be all emotioal and have feelings.

    The FEMININE ENERGY the MASCULINE MAN was so attracted to at first by being able to do things for, gain love and appreciation etc.. is suddenly wanted to be a little bit more aggresive, make decisions etc..

    So is it good to have a balance of both?

    I start to think Im understanding but I’m clearly not haha xx

  290.  #290Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Mel @ 249,

    I was feeling some anxiety around the Christmas gift, too.

    MM already asked me a month ago what I want for Christmas, but I’m tight financially right now, and was feeling bad about it. I told him last night I was having a hard time finding anything for him. He told me to not worry about it, of course.

    My good friend told me she will help me get him something (I feel grateful for my amazing friends), but I’m still feeling anxiety. It feels really hard for me to accept help sometimes, although I suspect once I heal that completely, I’ll stop needing to ask.

    Anyway…I like the tix idea. Also, I was thinking of getting him a jersey for his favorite sports team.

  291.  #291Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Mochaberri #279

    I hear ya.. I’m starting to think that idf they ask you to make the decision or for an opinion as it’s to do with your happiness.. then its ok to say what you want?

  292.  #292Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Awww…Starla @ 253,

    I love the CD idea. Although MM is open to my music, he’s “stuck in the 80s” and I’m bored with it. We mostly listen to what I like and he’s open to it, even though he makes fun of it (which I feel smiley about – I don’t know [or particularly care] why I never seem to feel it personally when he does).

    I listen to the same station his daughters do 😀 so it’s lots of fodder for him.

    What the heck would I burn for him? We were into the same 80s music, but I really have no idea what I have that he would like…hmmm…

    Thanks for the awesome idea!

    I LOVE you, Siren!

  293.  #293Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Mel @ 254,

    Lol! MM and I love hockey, too. His team is playing our local team right before xmas, so I considered that. But…they’re playing in San Jose.

  294.  #294Mel on December 15, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Hey Sweetpea,

    Mr. A has had quite the week… A death in the family, so he’s headed out of town today and has been working like a madman to be able to take some time off. Last night he just said he felt exhausted, had a headache, and needed a good sleep. Totally understandable! But I definitely miss our scheduled snuggle time!

    As for bringing stuff over… I usually pack an overnight bag and leave it in my car (because he always wants me to stay over) but I never presume unless he asks. Last weekend, when we went grocery shopping together, he even picked up some special things for me… just to have on hand when I’m over. I thought that was super sweet!

    P.S. I sent you a message through your website… 😉

  295.  #295Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Slippin’ Goddess – Being in masculine energy doesn’t mean he doesn’t show emotion or have feelings. He may not express feelings like you do here or with your woman friends, but you will know by how he is with you, how he treats you. And he may still express himself aloud too now and then.


  296.  #296Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:21 am

    SG @ 263,

    Reading this, I started feeling so excited. Dominique talks about men healing best through our hearts.

    This is an awesome opportunity for you to help him heal this in himself while you are healing yourself!! I feel super excited!!!

    He’s been taught to let women take the lead. He does sound masculine energy.

    My ex-f was feminine energy in this way, always deferring to me, not making decisions, etc. I grew to feel resentful of it, so this is healing for me, too. Thanks, Siren.

    I would tell him, “It feels better to me for you to make decisions. I don’t want to be the leader in the relationship.”

    Just something simple like that, then let him have the space to process and act on it.

    What do you think, SG?

  297.  #297Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:27 am

    SG @ 263,

    Also, if you’re comfortable in the more “masculine” role of driving, decision-making, etc., that’s ok, too. Rori talks about how that can work for some couples.

    Are you not feeling comfortable about the dynamic you have with him and WANT to be in the more feminine role, or are you just feeling confusion around which role you want? It can work either way, it’s just a matter of what you want.

    If you want him to take the lead more (and that’s what it sounds like to me), then tell him what you don’t want and how you feel. (Answering your question) – Rori’s template for feminine energy is… “I feel…….. I don’t want…….” Such as the example I used above.

  298.  #298Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Mocahberry -“What confuses me is if I want to communicate to my man is that considered doing?”

    “I’m not clear what you want to communicate about.
    Is it Ok for the woman to make the decisions if the man puts it out there that he wants her to make the decision?”

    I was asking this question to see if LG felt more comfortable being the masculine energy in the relationship, for some relationships can successfully have the dynamic reversed. I knew what her answer would be though.

    To change this pattern in your man, deferring to you, say you don’t feel comfortable or you don’t want to be making the decisions.

    I he truly is being masculine and wanting to please you, then go ahead and tell him, “It would feel so good…..”, eg. staying the night with you.

    If he asks where you want to go for a date say, you can say, “Surprise me. I love surprises.”

    If there really is somewhere you have your heart set on going, tell him you heard about…..and you would SO love to go here, what does he think?

    Does this help?


  299.  #299Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:30 am

    Dominique @ 264,

    Thank you. Well, that’s just jacked up. I’ve seen you’re videos – if it doesn’t come in your size, then is it barbie doll clothes?

  300.  #300lk on December 15, 2011 at 10:37 am

    also, i said, that’s nice that you open doors for me : ) & he said, thank you : ) LOL no, no, no, silly – thank YOU : )

    also, cuddling, i said… let me know if you’re uncomfortable or if you feel crowded….. & he said, no, not at all, lk – i have this huge desire right now to just squeeze you really hard. i feel really comfortable with you.

    awww : ) lk gushing lol

    wtf now i really have to get my buddy on the phone because he was getting all into how many of his friends are into me & how fun it will be for me to drive them all nutty lol he loves drama & i love men : )

  301.  #301Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Mel @294,

    Yay! A message through my website!! I felt excited reading that – going to read it right now!

    When I go to MM’s for the weekend, that’s always been the plan (for me to stay the whole weekend), so for me to leave my o/n bag in the car feels silly and… hesitant… and hiding and not confident to me. For you, if it’s not understood you’ll be staying right from the outset, leaving the bag in the car until he expresses it feels perfect to me.

    So sorry to hear about Mr. A’s loss. Hugs to you both. 🙁

  302.  #302Mel on December 15, 2011 at 10:47 am


    The drill is that he usually asks me over (I think just *expecting* that I will stay) but I don’t ever want to assume anything…

    I have been caught without my stuff a few times and that makes me feel uncomfortable… so…

    I pack a change of clothes, toothbrush, etc. and leave it in my car.

    I honestly just think he assumes I’m staying though. Every single time I’m about to leave he says “Aren’t you staying? I don’t want you to leave!” But I really don’t want to expect something if he hasn’t explicitly asked… so… this works for now! LOL

  303.  #303Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 10:49 am

    It’s not that I’m deciding on what role I want, I was just trying to understand what role he wants. I guess really I should be focusing on what I want. Especially as it suggests he’ll fall into whatever role I’m the opposite to.

    I can be masculine if need be.. I’m sure ‘doing’ is a natural thing for all women to fall into if allowed or encouraged. However, I would say I took the masculine role in my last relationship.. and lost attraction. Both his ex girlfriends did the same.

    So I think for this relationship to work best, allow and encourage him to be more masculine and appreciate it when he does. This will make us both feel loved and keep the attraction.

    I do actually like driving and I can’t say I could go through a whole relationship without having an opinion or plan on what I want to do. However I know there are tools to change the arrangement of conversation to reflect this in a feminine way.

    I am excited too now 🙂 I feel like we could both be very successful here.

    Ps. I didn’t mean masculine arn’t emotional rather like you said can’t express feelings as well.
    My boyfriend can be so loving and he’d do anything for me. I can’t complain there. I sometimes wish he’d express his feelings more easily but then again I had this in my ex to an extreme and it turned me right off.

    I guess I actually have what I want.. Its just my actions now that decide where it goes. I like having that power 🙂

    Knowledge is power.. Thanks Sirens xxx

  304.  #304Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Dominique @ 259,

    I feel confused about this. I’m not sure what’s being referred to, but I’m feeling giggly anyway.


  305.  #305Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Sweetpea- haha, that’s funny. you’re reminding me of way back when, one of the early on weekends I spent at K’s house. I used to bring my laundry because where I was staying had no facilities. But I got terrible food poisoning, so he did my laundry for me. He said he liked folding my clothes. They were so small, like doll’s clothes.

    I’m not that small, but he is over twice my size, so I guess it’s perspective.

    It is a lot easier finding clothes though than it used to be, especially online.

    Have you ever checked out modcloth.com or bluefly.com, both great sites, especially the latter has a huge selection in ALL sizes.


  306.  #306Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Mochaberri – I put a post in the last thread for you if you are interested.

  307.  #307Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 11:04 am

    To all you new Sirens who do not understand how to say feeling messages without using the word “you” which is SO hard to do, I highly recommend that you take advantage of Rori’s deal and buy love scripts and the e-book. Yes, it is a lot of money, but it is such awesome material. I finally saw the light when I bought it. Best of luck to you all.

  308.  #308Dan_Brodribb on December 15, 2011 at 11:08 am

    @ Slippin’ Goddess “I did read an article recently though that suggested when opposite energy attracts. But after a while you get annoyed that your partner is too much your opposite. Eg. One a girly feminine energy has settled, the MASCULINE MAN who you was so attracted to as he took the lead, organised things etc.. starts to grate as you suddenly want him to be all emotioal and have feelings.

    The FEMININE ENERGY the MASCULINE MAN was so attracted to at first by being able to do things for, gain love and appreciation etc.. is suddenly wanted to be a little bit more aggresive, make decisions etc..”

    I’ve noticed this too in my relationships. For me, I feel cut off if I’m not able to express both sides of my personality, so if I get in the habit of relating to a person based on one role or the other, at a certain point that opposite part wants to reassert itself. And I’ve seen the same thing in a lot of the women I date and it leads to confusion, resentment, and mixed messages.

    It’s normal, I imagine, especially as a relationship goes on and people start to change and grow at their own pace. I suspect its more of an issue for those of us who have a strong mix of masculine and feminine energy. With a couple where one partner has 80% boy energy and the other is 80% girl energy, it might not come up as much. Whereas people with more of a mix have to deal with not only the conflicts with their partner, but the conflicts within ourselves as they struggle to balance our need to lead and be in control with the need to trust and let go.

  309.  #309Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 11:09 am

    @ Rose #8

    When I first read your post yesterday, I thought RUN, HIDE, do not interact with this drunken man! (If you follow my posts you know I am dealing with a husband who drinks too much, but is making huge progress. And he did not have a problem when we were dating.)

    But now, I think it would be good to meet him and have the opportunity to make peace with your past, just as Femininewoman suggested. I would love to hear how it goes and what feelings it triggers for you (if you do meet hm).

  310.  #310Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Sweetpea – You mentioned Rori must be tiny waisted…


  311.  #311Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Wildflower @273

    Your friend seems to have a vested interesting in this set up working out (a success for her) and you not hurting her friend (that would make her look bad to her friend). So here is my opinion. Give her a heartfelt thank you for setting you up and how happy you are that you have met him and the possibilities. “But I gotta date my own way. I need to follow my heart. Please let me be me. I have no interest in hurting your friend. That is not me.” Let her talk. Then acknowledge her position, and repeat the first sentences again, especially I gotta date my own way, be my own person. Besides, if you follow her advice and it doesn’t work out, that would be very frustrating to you if you did not follow your own heart. Besides, would she want to be accountable if you did what she said and things went bad?

    Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.

  312.  #312Daria on December 15, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Omg what did I do last nite.

    It’s ok don’t have to beat myself up.

    I pushed my exposing self comfort zone a lil more than I’m comfortable with.

    I feel heavy to see what others write as they judge my shame. Surely I put some ppl off permanently.

    Thank you thoughts.

    I feel I I accepting of me.

    I love me anyway.

    My body feels gigg in many places.

    I love these feelings.

    I can’t handle these feelings.

    I feel like that. Nite I woke up and realized I took my clothes off at the party

    I stopped trying to be friends w anyone there out of shame.

    I really did it this time.

    Love to me. For feeling Thad feelings.

    I intend for this to heal.

    I feel numb hopeless heavy beat up.

    I love my feelings

  313.  #313Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 11:37 am

    LK – If you have been in a relationship with someone for 6 years it is hard to tell stories without mentioning them. But if you are the new person in his life, it is hard to hear the Ex mentioned so often. And sometimes it makes a person too curious about what happened. But from my experience (and perhaps my own insecurity) the more you know about her, the more pain it could cause, and the more questions you might be compelled to ask, which causes more pain, you gotta hear about her more, etc.

    So what do you want here? Do you not want to hear about her, not even in casual conversation? Or is there a piece about the break up or where he is at that you want to know. Do you think he is hung up on her? Or just processing his feelings to a person he feels safe with? Or just telling stories? Or testing you? I personally would try to figure out what you want, and then decide what you want to say to him. Best of luck to you.

  314.  #314Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 11:50 am


    Oh! LOL!

    She looks so great in that video!

    And you look great in yours! You must be a yoga master.

  315.  #315Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Thank you Sweetpea, but no, ballerina. I do yoga sometimes, not a love of mine. Ballet on the other hand, I’m such a bunhead, always have been.


  316.  #316Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Izzy 262 –

    My man is the same way. He likes to get lost in the Movie or tv show we are watching, and hates it when I talk. It interrupts the show for him, and he likes to get lost in the experience. He also does not talk much at dinner or when we go out to eat. It is a scientific fact that men do not talk as much as women do. And I have read that it a documented fact that men talk most on the third date. Unless they are extroverts and love to hear themselves talk.

    Do you fill up the space by talking way more than your share? If you do talk too much, he won’t feel compelled to talk. I try to use positive feeling messages when he talks. Also, what if you just smiled at him sweetly and didn’t say anything. It is sort of inviting him to talk to you.

    Also, you might try talking to him using feeling messages about wanting to talk more about the tv show. Perhaps he can come up with a solution, like you can talk during commercials. This is an ongoing thing with my husband and me. We kind of joke about it. Perhaps you can talk to him about your feelings without using the word you, and see if he can come up with a compromise.

    I know one of the reasons my husband was attracted to me is because it is easy for me to talk and carry on a conversation with anyone. But after all these years, sometimes he resents it when I take over the conversation, so I need to monitor how much I talk and not dominate the conversation. Hope that helps.

  317.  #317Daria on December 15, 2011 at 11:59 am

    If I’m with a man and I notice myself tuning out for stretches and healing stuff in my mind…

    Should I stop and pay attention to him instead?

    Or is it ok. I feel guilty that I’m ignoring him. Sometimes I don’t hear what he says.

    But what I’m into on my mind trip is often deep intriguing revelatory.

    It’s just that I’m another world for awhile… Tho still open bodied.

    What do Sirens think?

    Dominique does this happen w u?

  318.  #318Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    I feel afraid I pushing him away.

    Similarly, if I’m on the computer say, or a book. Do I put it down every time he comes around and smile at him?

    Or do I keep enjoying it while he serves me – rubbing my feet for example.

    Sometimes I feel goddess to ‘be aloof’ and silent while he is preparing something

  319.  #319Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    I don’t look at him or make eye contact when I’m engrossed in these activities.

    If I dropped it and looked in his eyes every time it would be a radical change of my time. I feel resistant. I like my self dreamy time. What do sirens think?

  320.  #320Mel on December 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Tiffany, how have you been this week? Thinking of you siren! 🙂

  321.  #321Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    It’s almost like im ‘wirking’ during those times… It also sometimes feels overwhelming being touched then and I push them away if they try.

    I rely appreciate when a man caters to me during this time, by letting me be while being silently there, maybe surprising me w water a massage it something surprising

  322.  #322laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Sweetpea: I have a predicament. It turns out I have really expensive taste. Invariably, when looking at clothes or furnishings, I’ll pick the one I like and then I will check the price and it’s almost always the most expensive thing….like, way out of my means. It’s totally unintentional. I’m just choosing what I like and then I feel a sense of letdown when I see the price.

    Maybe this is an opportunity to work on attracting more abundance and allowing nice things into my life.

    Also, you mentioned maybe working together and I feel excited about that.

    I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment as I have a very busy day and I am feeling really tired from staying up so late last night but I wanted to pop in and let you know that I am interested.

  323.  #323Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    I feel anxious to let go and enjoy the healing daydream or book whatever, cuz I feel compelled that I have to ‘be’ with him, pay attention to him

  324.  #324laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 12:09 pm

  325.  #325Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    I feel lonely

  326.  #326Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Daria – What a great question. Yes this does happen to me sometimes. I try as much as I can most of the time to keep listening at level two. Men do seem to love this, but sometimes far more interesting things are going on in my own head.

    I try to refocus on him when I notice this happening with me.

    The other thing you ask about…it depends. Sometimes I will look up and smile, acknowledge his presence, and sometimes I won’t. It really depends on how engrossed I am.

    I have noticed that he won’t be offended if I carry on with my own thing, but sometimes there is this what I think is a man tendency thing of wanting me to pay attention, and he will talk or show me whatever it is regardless.

    Mind you this doesn’t work the other way around. Again male tendency, he can only do one thing at a time, focus on one thing at a time. I have to wait until he’s done.

    It used to irritate me because it was bringing up old feelings of feeling insignificant, unworthy. It no longer does. I just think of it as his quirk, and it’s all good.

    I don’t think there is a “right” or a “wrong” here. Yes listening at level two or three is wonderful. I would want to be listened to with the same intensity. Yet we are goddesses and human creatures too, each of us unique and beautiful even or maybe especially when we get lost in our own creative minds.


  327.  #327DoubleRainbow on December 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Had an excellent chance to “practice” just now, when a nice older man said hello to me on the street. I instantly blew it by responding “Hello! How are you?” Grr! At least I blew it with a guy 3 times too old for me. I love my perfectionism. I love my nervousness.

  328.  #328Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Hi Daria. I hate feeling lonely.

  329.  #329lk on December 15, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    @Hopeful 313…

    thank you! yes… hm…

    this feels tricky for me…

    i like my ex boyfriends, so i talk about them quite a bit : ) i like them a lot in fact ! but, i ended the relationships with them, & feel good dating other men & feel good not dating the exes.


    i guess i just feel unsure. i am choosing in this particular case to trust him that he knows what he’s doing & how he feels… so i’ll just see ! so far, he does make me feel good & safe… it would feel particularly reassuring to meet his best friend… i know he’s told him about me… & i think seeing his friend react to me would tell me a lot about the other thing.

    anyway, my feeling is, he is telling me just the big things about her (more about the relationship than the person) so that we can know what is hard about dating *him* specifically…. he has shared things that were difficult & then he shares solutions that he is going to put into action with me.

    1 example is he didn’t get to spend much time with her family because of his work (so her parents didn’t care for him much), but he is telling me that he’s planning on changing his schedule to be able to take more time off to spend with me & take me on trips.

    another is he is mexican & he told me that his ex girlfriend’s family was uncomfortable because of that… & he told me he feels excited that my family & I speak spanish & eat a lot of mexican food : ) & that he’s making my parents some green chile & i said we will share some of our christmas tradition tamales with him : )

    i feel good about it today, but it’s definitely something i need to stay aware of so that i can watch my feelings on it if they change…

  330.  #330lk on December 15, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    @Daria 317

    when i zone out or stretch & miss something someone says, i just say, oh, sorry i missed what you were saying. i was thinking. the last thing i remember was X.


    if cd says, what were you thinking of ? & I’ll say, “oh…. coca cola & sun on the patio…” or, “oh…. i was thinking of rocks getting smoothed out getting pushed down the stream…” or, “oh… i was just thinking that it’s so strange how people just rip into meat dishes sometimes without being curious what part of the animal they’re eating & how the animal was feeling in their life” or say just what my mind was thinking of…

  331.  #331Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    thank you Dominique and lk

  332.  #332Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Hi Hopeful… im feeling better now.

    it feels good that loneliness just drifted in and out, a=instead of gripping and wrestling me

    i wonder if this is the new way im able to handle feelign lonely


    that would fele good

    i actually feel a lil dreamy and distracted right now too

  333.  #333laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Oh my gosh, Sweetpea! I feel so much more clear just talking about this with you!!! Thank you.

    So, I found the exact style of dress I want. Unfortunately the place I was looking at doesn’t have my size, yet I still feel good because I know what I’m looking for now.

    I decided I am going to wear red, only because we are performing. I feel really excited about the effect the red will have. We will really stand-out and be eye-catching. I’m going to let the band know that this is my plan and see what they think. I hope they agree and will do the same.

    Oh!! I can see it in my mind’s eye and it’s beautiful.

    And, I am going to take a sort of simpler black dress that I can change into later if I feel uncomfortable. It’s also warmer, which will be nice.

    I feels so excited. I was feeling stressed but now feeling good.

    Maybe a way we can work together is, I can show you the style and you could help me find one that is available? I would really like to support your business.

  334.  #334Daria on December 15, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    Daria Oshun wanted to do a beauty ritual, so I brushed my teeth


    thank you Daria

  335.  #335laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    This is the performance dress. I will dress it up with lots of chain type necklaces, maybe.


    I need to find something like this b/c they are sold out.

  336.  #336Daria on December 15, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    I am writing more and more raps and saying more adn more out loud

    thank ou Daria

    this is a huge desire for me coming true

  337.  #337laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    And this is the back-up dress in all black.


    And I feel excited because they are both very affordable.

    I feel insecure talking about this here because I don’t want people to think I’m petty.

    I love me.

    I guess I feel a little uneasy to navigate a new site right now. And also, this feels goddessy and helps me get into my feminine energy.

    So ya, I love me

  338.  #338laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    I’d love to hear other siren’s feedback on the dresses!

  339.  #339Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Daria – There is an unbelievable therapy in just posting one’s thoughts in this blog. Even if no one responds. I keep finding myself typing things here, and then finding the problem solves itself.

    I casually/briefly put my hand on my husband’s chest last night as I said something. As I pulled my hand away, he took my hand and held it for a while. And I told him it felt good. Because it did.

    So this crossed my mind as I was driving to work today (and today is my birthday): What do I say/react, if my husband says to me “I think I will quit drinking.” It may be a difficult path for him. The whole one day at a time thing. I intend to be a positive influence and hope that I can be there for him, and let him find his own path.

  340.  #340Daria on December 15, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Hopeful – Happy Birthday! 🙂

  341.  #341Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    laughing goddess – the red one, definitely red, I am biased since it’s my favorite color, and much of what I own is red, inclding my car, my bedroom drapes and sheets, but I love the cut on this dress and the drapiness/clinginess all at once, very sexy, very chic.


  342.  #342Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Happy! Happy!! Happy!!! Hopeful.


  343.  #343laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Thanks for your input, Dominique. I do love that red dress! Super flattering to my figure too.

    The black one is just back up to change into later if I get cold or feel uncomfortable in red, because technically it is a black and white ball. But definitely red for performing. That is going to be hot!

    Also, thanks for your input on marriage the other day. It was really helpful. <3

  344.  #344Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    LK – 329

    So I take that to mean he has learned from his mistakes. He owns the parts of the relationship that were his issues and he intends to not make those same mistakes again. He is kind of making himself accountable by telling you, and is glad to see your family is welcoming him, which does not set him up to fail. I think this is all good.

    One tiny bit of advice. Never put down his ex. He might defend her. And hearing that is an icky feeling.

  345.  #345Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    I made coconut milk kefir and goat milk kefir. They came out SO good, perfectly cultured. YAY!!!


  346.  #346laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    This one is really nice too.


    But i like how the Vic’s Secret one has the push up bra.

    Too bad its not available. Oh well, I’ll find an even better one!

    I have such a full day and all I wanna do is chat here and look at dresses.

  347.  #347laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Oh Dominique. I love love love kefir!

    I’ve been buying coconut kefir and I feel a bit uncomfortable with the price. I’d rather make it myself.

    What kind of coconut water do you start with? Packaged or fresh coconuts?

  348.  #348lk on December 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    @Hopeful – Happy Birthday !!!!! : )))))))

    & i like where your mind is taking you… that’s a nice challenge to pose in your imagination & interesting practice for getting what you want i think : )

  349.  #349Dominique on December 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    laughing goddess – If you use coconut water straight from the coconut, it makes a fizzy drink which is REALLY good for you and your digestion but not kefir. To make a milk from that along with some of the meat is way too daunting for me.

    I bought coconut milk from SO Delicious, available at Whole Foods, and the goat milk is Meyenberg. I bought a starter through Body Ecology. You can make subsequent batches, up to seven, with the kefir you made, 6 TB (about 1/2 cup) per quart for coconut milk and double that for the goat milk.

    Both are so good not only for aiding digestion and building a good foundation of good bacteria, BUT it helps reverse aging in the skin and organs.

    For those who are lactose intolerant, goat milk is usually okay, and when cultured, it’s another thing altogether, tolerated by most everyone.


  350.  #350Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    ok im doing the Margaret Lynch 4th chakra video and i just got to some deep stuff about trusting people and allowing myself to do that

    thank you

  351.  #351Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I just drank some kefir.

  352.  #352Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    half a liter of kefir – 2 cups – was my breakfast

    goodbye yeast infection that i thought i was getting the past 2 days

  353.  #353Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Hopeful – sorry for being dismissive of your thoughts in the other post – ie not addressing anything

  354.  #354Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    i feel worried my silence might feel jarring.

    i feel ignored by my mom when she does it but i notice a secret pleasure of doing it to other people,

    like yes i am now more powerful than them cuz im doing that thing to them that feels so uncomfortable to me

    yet i cant say anything and neither can they cuz its so subtle

    and i want to heal this

    i feel guilty

  355.  #355Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    i show my superiority by not saying something, by silence, stonyness

    maybe even with disdain in it

    i love me and i want to heal this

    but its SO COOL!

    and i love me

    i want to keep the power feeling and heal the stony disconnect shut down ness

    (is tht possible)
    thank you


  356.  #356Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    that red dress feels exciting mmm it woudl feel excitting to wear it hell yea

  357.  #357Izzy on December 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Thank you Dominique and Hopeful

    I don’t talk a lot myself. I’m quiet most of the time with most people. I don’t fill the space. But I’m there, I’m looking at him, paying attention to him. I’m present. And it feels like he isn’t there and I feel lonely, left out.

    My ex would talk a lot. Sometimes too much. And I would often pay attention to my own thoughts because they were more interesting. Something along the line of what Daria was talking about.

    I went from one extreme to the other. How about some balance, here, Universe?

    Well, I remember him telling me that when he came back from living many years abroad that he was very closed off. When he was away he didn’t have anyone to count on so he closed off to protect himself. When he came back, his family felt strange about it and he went to therapy. But it has been six years that he is back. I know it isn’t easy for him and I know I can’t push because I sense that it touches a sore spot in him.

    But I’m a healer! Lucky him! 🙂

  358.  #358Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Spanish Guitar feels romantic a lil sad longing and peaceful and sweet and life


  359.  #359Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Daria – 353 – No worries. I am practicing not being needy and not expecting a response when I post something. Kinda like we are taught by Rori to do with men – to let go of the outcome. And then when I do get a response, it is a Surprise.

  360.  #360Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Izzy – i konw that feeling of loneliness next to him

    now my plan for that situation is to

    get involved in my own thing – fantasy thoughts would feel great in this situation


    say something like im feeling lonely

    and actually i feel angry (this is my stuff)

    i feel terrified

    i love me

  361.  #361Daria on December 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Hopeful – hugs! i practice that too! it brings on lots of magic for me here on the blog and my answers show up from me

  362.  #362Hopeful on December 15, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Thanks all for the birthday wishes!

    My husband is taking me out to our favorite restaurant. Martha Stewart dined there when she was in town recently.

    Okay, so I am not certain how to express this, but I am going to try to use the magic of the blog. I do not want to be the designated driver tonight. Or an even better way to say this: I intend to be the princess tonight, who is so fabulous that I get a safe ride home.

  363.  #363Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    LG @ 333,

    I love the dress you had picked out and my plan already was to help you find an affordable one with that funky feel. It’s adorable.

    I feel appreciative of your wanting to support my business and excited to help you. I had planned on doing so simply for practice though, so i don’t want you to feel obligated.

    I will start searching for something funky and fun (and red) now that I have a feel for what you’re looking for. Feel free to send me a picture of the dress (if you want to send size specifications, you can do so through my website, rather than this public forum).

    I’ve been out shopping for a day planner. I want to send a message to the Universe that I am, indeed, ready for this. I got one about living life with intention. I wanted the one to “live life boldly.” It was gone, but I’ve not given up on it. I couldn’t decide between the two yesterday, so perhaps it’s been decided for me.

    I feel open to living a life of intention. AND living it boldly!! 😀

    Thanks LG! xoxo

  364.  #364Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    LG @ 335,


  365.  #365Jilly on December 15, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Hopeful…I LOVED post #359…brilliant!! 🙂

  366.  #366Jilly on December 15, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    So..my sister in law did pictures for me yesterday and she did a fantastic job…I added ONE to POF and I’ve had 25 NEW emails today!!!! I feel shocked..I have never had that many before..maybe 3 in the same day…but 25???
    Are you kidding me right now!!

    I feel like a movie star..a rock star..someone super famous..I’m just relishing in it today 🙂

    I have a date with S tonight.. 🙂

  367.  #367Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 3:31 pm


    What about something like this?

    BTW, I had to laugh when I read about your excellent (champagne) taste. I do the same. I find myself feeling surprised when whatever I fall in love with isn’t the most expensive thing in the store!

  368.  #368Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    i feel jealous of sirens who seem confident about business

    tho i say i dont want a business

    if i had to expend no unfeel good effort and felt good about it i would want it and accept it

    i feel a lil tight

    love to me

    i dont feel comfortable receiving more than 20 dollars

    and thats ok

    i love me


  369.  #369Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    ot to have more than 20 availble as cash on me

    not safe

    it will attract people who will betray me

    i love me

  370.  #370Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    well my mans snoring at the side of me..
    he lasted an hour or two after work why we ate food..
    starting to think its pointless him coming to see me at all..

    I said for Christmas dya wanna ask Santa for your sex drive back.. Prob not the right thing to say but im mad..

    He laughed as he was drifting off to sleep and said I’ll write him a note tomorrow

    I know itll get better but I dont feel like we have a relationship anymore..

    Its just work and sleep for him.. literally

    I probably should be less selfish

    but theres a lump in my throat where I could easily cry at the side of him

    Just want the sex, passion, love, time back..

    I feel single 🙁 ..or probably neglected is the right way to say it.

    I know when they withdraw from sex it isnt about you.. Its tiredness, stress etc.. but that doesnt really make me feel any better.. xx

  371.  #371Radiance on December 15, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    353 – 354 – 355 Daria

    I feel awed by your self awareness and bold revelations, pushing past what is comfortable.

    I feel scared sometimes by your boldness, projecting myself in your place of revealing so much, I guess.

    I know I have much to heal there about remaining hidden.

  372.  #372Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Dominique @ 305,

    Thanks for the suggestions. Love Modcloth! I haven’t gotten to check the other much yet.

    Lol! Love that! I like guys who “dwarf” me – and that’s not that easy to do right now. I feel pretty teeny next to MM though – I feel so grateful for that.

    I put on 70 lbs after my car accident. I’ve taken off about 40 of it now, thankfully. Body image is part of what I’m feeling drawn to help women feel empowered around though. It’s so much easier to lose weight when you’re at peace with your body the way it is NOW. Or at least it has been for me.

    I can always lose weight, but I must feel at peace with me today, as I look now. And I do! 😀

  373.  #373Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    aww i feel so heartwarmed and flattered

    by a guy who is actually saying he won’t come to me

    he actually went to jail and got his car impounded coming to see me he says

    and now he wants me to at least meet him and says i have a right to feel how i want to feel and that any man on the site would probably walk to see me (its nto walking distance – compliment) but not him


    i said ok papi it feels good to be let know without drama

    i really want to say aww i feel so lovey towardds you

  374.  #374Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    i already sent the first message tho… i hope he changes his mind

  375.  #375Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    LG, 337 is soooo cute, too!

    I feel weird doing this on the blog as well. I hope Rori doesn’t mind. Check this one out, though! This is almost exactly what I thought of when I read your first post, except I imagined it in black.

  376.  #376Daria on December 15, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    slippin goddess – i probably should be less selfish

    probably not

    i would not want a man to just come and sleep at my house

    i know you love your man and he seems good in other ways (like not taking that attack persoanlly)

    but this reminds me of when a man would come over and just play on my computer

    i feel mad

    i dont want to feel neglected

    i would start saying no to him coming over, and using that time to date me

    i bet hell actually FEEL REENERGIZED and suddenly have the energy to pursue you

  377.  #377Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    those priorities, work over taking care of me emotioanlly do NOT feel good to me

    red flag me no likey

    no way


    feel mad

  378.  #378laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Oh ya, that is perfect! I really love the style of it. I could rock that for sure.

  379.  #379Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    oooh me likey that short one

  380.  #380Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Radiance that feels good! i feel all seen and honored

  381.  #381laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    I was referring to that last dress you posted, Sweetpea.

    I feel good about sharing a little about dresses here. It’s definitely feminine energy. And it also feels good and inspiring to hear you talk about your business.

    Once I feel more settled in I will contact you through your website. I feel a lot of anxiety today, thinking I have so much to do and I am just sneaking peaks here and there.

    Really, I just need to relax and get in the flow and things will happen smoothly.

    I love my anxiety and I love that I can release it easily.

  382.  #382laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Daria: I like hearing your input on the dresses 🙂

  383.  #383Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    This one is fierce. (My price range is creeping up and it’s burgundy, but fantabulous, no?)


  384.  #384Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    376: Daria

    I know Daria, but its not like he’s doing it on purpose.. Like just coming around to play the computer or a booty call..

    He’s coming to see me because he wants to, but he’s so tired he ends up falling to sleep. I mean bless him he knows its getting to me so he’ll really try force himself to stay awake and his eyes are dropping.

    This is why I feel a little selfish. He’s working for a reason, money for Christmas, pay things and then in the New Year things should be better.

    Just can’t help but get mad and upset even though I know this and I’m stuffing down my feelings because he’s too tired to be dealing with it.

    I’m sorry, it’ll be fine soon I’m sure.. Like I said he’s trying. At least he wants to come down, spend time with me, snuggle up to me, wrap his arms round me. I should learn to appreciate it in a way, I would really have something to say if he wasnt bothering at all.

    I’ve got a lot of work coming up soon, maybe I’ll get a taste of my own medicine! haha

    I love to vent on this blog. Just putting things down in words makes you feel better and even helps yourself realise things.

    Oh Ps. I should have said, I’m in the UK its 12am here now..

  385.  #385Slippin' goddess on December 15, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Its funny I was lay here upset..

    Wrote my thoughts down here..

    Just by writing them I came full circle and realised maybe its not as bad as I thought
    Hes not wanting to sleep, he wants to spend time with me, trying his best, making the effort

    and Im ignoring this and making it all about ME and this is going to push him away right?

    Of course I should make it about me as Im not getting my needs fully met and thats hard..

    but there is a reason and a timeframe for all this..

    As long as I get him back soon I shouldnt worry too much

    ..he just rolled over and I gave him a kiss and he smiled.. I felt bad for being a bit selfish.. If it carries on passed Christmas and into the new year I wont..
    If I get him back then this will be a forgotten memory

    Ahh this is like help yourself therapy ..still wouldnt mind a bit of lovin tho 🙁 haha Sort it out Santa purleasse!! 😉 xx

  386.  #386Rose on December 15, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    #99 Aww enjoy your bath gifts bella..And I wish plenty more and an abundance of gifts this coming year!

    Don’t forget to buy something special for yourself even small…


  387.  #387Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    hes still wants to figure out a way to meet 🙂

    also now that ive adopted the mindset that its a GOOD thing i don’t go to men (or call them, or pay on dates)

    im having a great response from this guy i just talked to (not this one – tho him too – other one)

  388.  #388Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Slippin – rori talks about not taking account excuses EVEN IF THEY ARE VALID

    and just looking at how we feel. he can change his schedule he can do stuff.

    just you not tolerating feeling bad (even if he doesn’t mean to) might energize him and inspire him to create a solution

  389.  #389Daria on December 15, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    making it all about YOu is the way to go

  390.  #390Rose on December 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Rose I would encourage you not to dismiss the drinking though. I feel really surprised and happy that you were able to face your fears though. I am sure that amped up your self-esteem and vibe, just being open like that. Also remember you are a siren, Men are unconsciously attracted to you. They can’t help themselves.

    #105 Thank you Femininewoman, I feel appreciative of your encouraging words..

    It felt amazing to face my fears and my vibe and self esteem was so up..

    I have to say I feel my resistance around alcohol still..I have more healing to release judgements…

  391.  #391Rose on December 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Merci Belle Dominique xoxo

  392.  #392Rose on December 15, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    I rescheduled 3 date propositions lol

    For a date with


    I am feeling tired and a bit hormonal feel liking resting and relaxing..

    Train Guy really wanted to meet again tonight and I didn’t feel up to it..He called me up obviously drunk..hum triggers..bringing back old memories of late husband calling from bars..hmm

    Store guy, feeling too tired rescheduled Have yet to have a date…

    And R..really wanted to come over but we have scheduled to spend the day together tomorrow, he’s taking me xmas shopping…

    Reveling in my me time tonight….

  393.  #393Rose on December 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    #284 & 287 And Happy Magic days to you SLV..I love this time of year..

    I am so enjoying your 12 days of Christmas..

    I feel inspired, and even reassured about my little purchases for myself these past two days as I shop for others..

    Yesterday a sweater dress, today a lovely satiny gold and black lace matching bra/undies set lol

    Doing the advent calendar with my boy too..Its adorable how he gets so excited for that little peice of chocolate in the door..

  394.  #394Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    LG, this one’s very pretty, but is made when you order it (kinda cool… & cheap), but takes 20-26 days. When is your event?


  395.  #395Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm


    Happy Birthday!!!

  396.  #396tenny on December 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Absolutely Gorgeous Rori!!!

  397.  #397tenny on December 15, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    I need more CDs . . . 3 is not enough right now – I’m feeling

  398.  #398Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Jilly @ 366,

    I felt my face light up when I read that. Wow!

  399.  #399Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Whoop, whoop!

    Just heard back from the consultant lady, Tina. Looks like we’ll be meeting on Tuesday.

    Whew! I need to do some yoga or something right now – lol! I’m working on an article for my blog about fear of intimacy and feeling anxiety around it. Yeah – it’s still triggering for me, but I carry on anyway. I WILL heal this fear completely!

    Then, I just got the email from Tina! I feel super excited, but my already speedy heart rate just went through the roof!

    Wish me luck, please, Sirens! (And less anxiety…? ie. more healing…)

  400.  #400light heart on December 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    I dunno…the CD that took me to dinner last night texted me that he enjoyed the meal and hoped I did too, and I texted back that I did and felt comfortable with him, too, and he texted back, good, because I didnt hear from you, didnt know.

    damned if you do, damned if you dont!

    light heart

  401.  #401Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    LG @ 381,

    You were referring to the eggshell (I think they call it banana) one that’s a little flapperish, funky and rockin! Hell yeah! If you get that one, I wanna see a pic of you in it at the ball!!!

    Do I get to see a pic, huh, huh, do I?! Lol! 😉

    I’m having a blast long-distance shopping for you! I’m just throwing stuff out here to see what you like, btw, so I won’t take offense if you say, “no. That one sucks.” The feedback helps. No rush on contacting me off of here. I’m feeling less anxiety around it. (Except it would feel nice to throw a whole bunch of links your way at once).

  402.  #402Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Oh my gosh! I feel soooooo excited and nervous! I’m meeting with her at 1 on Tuesday!


  403.  #403light heart on December 15, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    OK, I told him that I feel comfortable when the man plans and initiates communication, and what did he think about that? And he said, that is fine. ok, i just have to breathe and have patience, trust my self, choose my words, be surprised….it’s a dance…

    oh, he just said he likes it when both parties participate in decisions.

    light heart

  404.  #404light heart on December 15, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    give me patience, please

    light heart

  405.  #405Starla on December 15, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    jeez LG i almost impulse bought that pushup halter dress from VS you linked.. i had to stop myself. cute dress. only available in eggplant in my size, which is a cute color for me!

  406.  #406Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    light heart as far as I am concerned that is fine. You are two different people so the possibility exists that you will see things differently. What you might need is a middle ground where both of your needs are met. Communication can help to work that out. Tell him that you appreciate that you are two different people and that possibility exists but this is what you prefer until you feel solid and secure in a relationship. However, you will need to be prepared to express what that looks like to you and what you need to be able to feel that way.

  407.  #407Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    RE 400 No light heart. They are as confused as we are. They are so used to women chasing after them that when they meet a siren, initially they are not sure how to behave. They expect us to be like we used to be and do what all the other women out there are doing. Give him time, he will learn and if he wants you, he will learn fast. This loving yourself by practicing your boundary.

  408.  #408Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Sweetpea is it anxiety or is it excited enthusiasm?

  409.  #409Susan on December 15, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    RE: 65: Esteemed says:

    “I guess women who won’t agree to kiss before ever meeting a man don’t get dates. I am so sick of how volatile the dating world is! It’s like up in smoke again, folks! I don’t get it. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

    I agree. I don’t think you did anything wrong. I also object to a man expecting a kiss or more before we have even met fact to face. I might have responded to what he said in a slightly teasing way: Like, “We’ll see.. You may not like ME!” (Instead of me saying I might not like him.) but still, it’s pretty cheeky for a man to expect physical affection before one has even met him. What if he has all buggered up teeth and his mouth smells bad??? Gross!

  410.  #410Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    RE 392 Rose see, you get to practice putting your needs first. That just upped your level of difficulty and your value, and you are not playing games.

  411.  #411Starla on December 15, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    I spent a lot of the day feeling tied up and anxious about CF. It was just something i notice…it did not affect the fact that it felt extremely relaxing to take care of myself all day.

    but because i hadn’t heard from him, i felt like…he was avoiding me or something. really weird NV. He rows all day long, and I still get pangs of fear of being rejected or abandoned.

    And then I remember the antidote is leaning back and CDing:) and i always feel better. I noticed today how tied up in him I feel, and how it feels a little ungrounded for me… like leaping before i look. And it felt bad to notice that.

    I have a new CD. He is a local rapper. He texted me today to take me to lunch, and when I told him I was busy, he made it clear that he wants to spend time with me as soon as possible, and he understands i’m a busy woman.

    It’s funny, he IMd me on Facebook and i thought he was this other rapper i knew about, and for the longest time i thought it was him…and then it turned out to be someone else…a much better rapper/nicer person, lol.

    i feel terrified to go out with him. so i’m gonna do it 😀 cuz i feel good about the way he notices my femininity and passion, even if my NV’s tell me i am not good enough for that type of man.

    eep i feel terrified of rejection.

    but i’m still gonna go on the date.:)

  412.  #412light heart on December 15, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    Hi FW, I appreciate your feedback in 406, I think it’s right on, however, reading “no, lightheart” turned me right off, and makes me not want to ask. I heard Rori say that no one, not just men, like being told they are wrong.
    Would you be willing to stop saying, “no, light heart”?
    That’s the second time you’ve said it. Thank you!

    light heart

  413.  #413Starla on December 15, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    i texted with alaska today too…and i have another cd paying attention to me

    but i don’t feel at all attracted to them. mostly i just want to be buddies with them and let them tell me how wonderful i am all the time. i’ve given them some chances but i am not feeling it. one of them is just too old for me (12 years older, and i’m in my 20’s), and the other seems so insecure that it could be dangerous to be around. and i feel turned off by that.

    but i like attention 😀

  414.  #414Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    RE 390 Rose I believe that resistance is your inner self protecting you. Our strengths can be our weakness also because that resistance can cause you to shut down your heart. As you are aware of the resistance you can remain warm and open to practice doing so in the face of the resistance. Now you also know you can face that fear and heal it while trusting yourself not to get involved with him. You know what you will not allow in your life.

  415.  #415Starla on December 15, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    where is emoticon these days?

  416.  #416Femininewoman on December 15, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Sorry light heart and thanks for pointing that out.

  417.  #417light heart on December 15, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    OK, I just feel like shaking JCD from frustration. He keeps texting little comments that say nothing. This is going on for over two weeks. No phone call. Yesterday he told me he misses me fiercely, but is afraid to get back with me, because he doesnt want to be accused of anything. The problem here is that he is very comfortable without any accountability in the relationship, and doesn’t get it that that dog don’t hunt any longer. I think he was waiting for me to say let’s give it another shot. but I can’t say that. He would have to appeal to me. I don’t know what to do. I only answer some of his texts, not all. I don’t know how to deliver a feeling message in this instance, without leaning forward.


    light heart

  418.  #418light heart on December 15, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    OK, I feel understood and that you are honoring my feeling, and that feels good to me. FW.
    light heart

  419.  #419Daria on December 15, 2011 at 8:27 pm


    light heart it feels weird to read the thoughts about him and his being comfortable without any accountability – it sounds like a mom putting down a child . that would be something to work on, shifting those thoughts and really giving a chance to feel the feelings under that (sounds like anger)

    if this were me i would stop answering altogether

    or say

    texting feels boring… it would feel way better to talk

    and then stop answering the texts

  420.  #420light heart on December 15, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    Yes, perhaps you are right, Daria.
    To me, just breaking agreements without
    discussing them isn’t cool, and it breaks
    trust. I broke the agreement of not making
    him wrong, and he retaliated by putting his
    profile back up without saying anything.
    I accepted responsibility for
    my part, he has not. that is what I mean.

    I like your suggestion for what to say about the
    texts, which will make me feel better about not
    answering them.

    light heart

  421.  #421Daria on December 15, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    lightheart – that accountability stuff feels hard, cold, and unromantic.

    i encourage dropping that ‘stance’ and loving the sad, angry, fearful feelings that come up – it will go a long way to healing the intimacy

  422.  #422Daria on December 15, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    how to do that would be:

    he broke an agreement

    i feel: angry, disappointed, disconnected, lonely

    i love my feelings

  423.  #423Daria on December 15, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    its not that you’re wrong. its that looking at it as wrong right and accountability covers up your vulnerability and heart and openess… theres no way in for him to connect

  424.  #424light heart on December 15, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    yes, Daria, it’s about creating a new habit, I know,
    of letting go judgments and opinions and letting the feelings guide things. A lot cleaner that way. I know, because it feels much better and gets a better response.
    It’s a new habit that is much simpler, easier, and freeing. Just loving all the feelings, no matter what they are. Sharing them without blaming is challenging, even if you don’t say “You”. I havent quite figured that one out. I like the idea of adding something like, “I’m noticing” to something like “I’m noticing that I feel frustrated”. It seems to soften it,
    and make it even more neutral.

    thanks for your feedback, it’s much appreciated


  425.  #425Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    FW @ 408,

    It’s a little of both. I think you’re the one who posted the bit about fear and excitement feeling the same physically and to choose to see it as excitement.

    I am excited! However, I still have some underlying fears that it will turn out to be nothing. That of all the possibilities, it will turn out to be just a meet and nothing will come of it. I fear feeling disappointed – and I’m so glad you brought this up. Because I had a couple of really promising things happen for my biz when I was first getting started, but the just fizzled out and I feel disappointed.

    Do you have any articles or links up your sleeve for healing this fear so it doesn’t have to just fizzle out? Because I’m realizing this is where the anxiety is coming from. Do you suppose tapping would be the best exercise?

  426.  #426Daria on December 15, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    light heart – thanks for sharing about teh “im noticing”

    ive ‘noticed’ that around here and it does feel safer to say that… i might use it

    then now i got the thought that what if im blocking intimacy with it… going to reporting it instead of poetic… hmm

    no, i think it would still feel good

    is it a way to talk about what im doing ? (noticing) and avoid directly talking about how im feeling ? (ie angry?)


    when i say i fele angry the idea is to say it like wow, im noticing i feel angry

    although its wow, actually, im feeling angry

    i think it should be fine


    a part of me feels sad and disappointed now

    love to me

  427.  #427Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Light heart,

    In my early days on the blog I asked about texting a man to thank him after a date.

    Rori answered personally and told me that as long as I’m doing it with now expectation of an outcome (it wouldn’t bother me at all if he doesn’t respond to that) that it’s fine to do.

    The trick is, having no expectation of a reply and not feeling disappointed if he doesn’t. Sometimes that was really hard for me.

  428.  #428light heart on December 15, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    I know what you mean, Daria, about feeling like it is ‘reporting’ rather than the visceral,
    but I have had trouble with JCD and feeling messages,
    because even when I say “I feel disappointed”, he says, I don’t care how you say it, you are saying that something I did or didn’t do disappointed you!
    Therefore according to you, I am doing it wrong.’ Do you see what I mean? I have explained to him that I own my feelings and point of view, and that it’s not a character assasination, it’s just how I am feeling. I don’t want to have to be responsible for his feelings or point of view, too.
    I dunno.

    light heart

  429.  #429Daria on December 15, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    i think im noticing i feel angry Does soften it up and its still authentic (i feel strained writing that last part)

    is it Not?


    i feel angry

    im NOticing i feel angry lol

    wow cool

    ok i kinda like it

    feleing tight in my tummy

    im noticing i feel fear



  430.  #430Daria on December 15, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    lightheart – dont get pulled into explaining, just keep on with the feeling messages Another round

    ex: i feel disappointed

    him: oh youre doing it again

    wom: ohhh… (pause) ….

    him: youre blaming me

    wom: mmm 🙁 *tone*

    him: yeah youre saying that but its blaming me

    wom: oh…

    him: etc.

  431.  #431T-Girl on December 15, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    I am feeling so scared right now that I just want to cry. J and I unintentionally discussed things that scared us in our relationship. It is probably the first time in our 7 months together that we had that kind of discussion. Yes in a way I feel a bit closer but in another way I feel like discussing my fears may have harmed our relationship. Is this what fear of intimacy feels like? I dont like it. It is also hard to hear things about myself that scare him. I just feel like crying.

  432.  #432Starbright on December 15, 2011 at 9:13 pm


    Ah, hugs to you! The crying though may be just the release that is needed! Move through the sadness and fear to get to the other side…

  433.  #433light heart on December 15, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    427. Sweetpea

    Thanks for your feedback!

    I’m pretty good in most cases, with having no expectation of outcome, had a lot of training and practice in that, so it’s not like I am looking for a specific response. I do lose patience with game-playing, though.

    It is more about my desire to communicate my own sense of self worth and value to the man, from the beginning, by not appearing too eager or needy, or thankful for attention, but this is different than high maintenance or a sense of entitlement. There’s a balance I’m going for.


    light heart

  434.  #434T-Girl on December 15, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Yes, I think a good cry is in order. Even though the discussion was hard, I talked in feeling messages and non blaming. I feel really exposed right now and perhaps a bit defensive too. I also felt myself shutting down a bit. One thing that was nice to hear was he was talking about a future with us living together and one of his fears about that.

  435.  #435Daria on December 15, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    feeling triggered

    i am owning that im high maintenance

    and yes i am entitled and feel entitled

    to everything i want

    feeling anger and fear at judging that. feeling stony now

    feeling shaky

  436.  #436Starla on December 15, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    I took such good care of myself all day, and it felt wonderful, but then i sat down to write and now that i’m done i’m fizzling out. but i just need to get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, get things together for tomorrow.

    don’t give up now, starla!

  437.  #437light heart on December 15, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    I feel good about having high self esteem,
    and high value in my own eyes, even if my success
    might not look exactly like what success looks like in
    the world at large,
    and yes it is high maintenance, but it’s
    my job to maintain it, and convey that,
    not anyone else’s,
    then it will be reflected back

    light heart

  438.  #438Daria on December 15, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    sorry light heart, for gettin shut down… and i know it probably feels triggering that i got triggered by your post

  439.  #439Daria on December 15, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    i feel sad. i do not like how i handled that.

    what happened was i saw what look to me like judgements of self by someone. and i felt bad and helpless.

    and i also felt turned off and judgmental

    and then i felt angry

    i thought “if they judge themeselves they’re judging me”

    ie i felt unsafe.

    i felt scared

    i felt stony

    i still feel stony


    i love me

    i love noticing this

    i love that im healing

    so sorry for the stonyness light heart

    i feel really guilty for having expressed myself in a push away way at first


    i feel uncomfortable

  440.  #440light heart on December 15, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    It just feels like you are processing and exploring things, Daria, if my post somehow helps with that, it’s a good thing, and it also helps me. I notice how a lot depends on how things are defined, like what exactly does high maintenance and sense of entitlement mean? Yes, in some way I am high maintenance, and about some things I have a sense of entitlement….


    light heart

  441.  #441Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    T-Girl @ 431,

    That may be fear of intimacy. Something I’ve been working on an article for tonight.

    MM has been having this kinds of chats with me since early on and I almost physically left in the middle of the night because I felt so freaked out. It feels scary and just…overwhelming, really. But it’s ok. Unless I misunderstand what was discussed, he’s opening up to you, thinking about how you can fit into his life – and that’s a good thing.

  442.  #442Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    T-girl @ 431,

    Also, discussing my fears with him has never been harmful to the relationship. If anything, it helped draw us closer. Your feelings are what does that for a man, remember? And fear is definitely a feeling.

    It will get easier as you do it more.

  443.  #443Sweetpea on December 15, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    Light heart,

    You’re welcome. For me, it was always about manners. It felt bad to me to not say, “thanks for dinner, I enjoyed it,” if I did.

    I don’t feel so bad if I don’t do it now, I’ve outgrown it a bit I guess. But…at first, it felt better to do it. So I did.

  444.  #444Butterfly wings on December 15, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    114 Esteemed – I’m yet to catch up on the blog so please ignore me if this is already sorted. From where I stand he’s done nothing wrong. He said me “might” go but later chose not to.

    He had every right to not show and yeah it would’ve been nice if he let you know, but it wasn’t a date and you were going anyway.

    You’ve done what I have done to TH thousands of times and made him “wrong” for choosing to change his mind or just doing what he wants. Your message to him would cause him to take a further step back from you.

    Like I have been like with TH I can see you’re too invested in R. And until you take a step back, you’re not giving him a chance to lean forward with you. I am speaking from experience with TH here and can see that you and I have done similar things so this post is written with true feelings of compassion for you because I know why you’re doing what you do.

    You’re a beautiful person and I really do hope he eventually sees that. In the meantime it’s time to focus on somebody else – you! xxx

  445.  #445light heart on December 15, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Thanks to all of you for the feedback tonight, I love hearing all the different viewpoints, it’s exciting exploring these tools and playing with finding the best ways to apply them to the specific situations that arise in dating and relationship… ultimately I have to trust myself and my own feelings….good nite to all of us

    light heart

  446.  #446Daria on December 15, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    thanks light heart i feel heard and safe and good

  447.  #447Starla on December 15, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    thank you starla for getting my teeth cleaned
    thank you for doing that one thing that you’re too embarrassed to admit you do (don’t worry, nothing illegal or weird, people:))
    thank you for getting my cavity filled
    thank you for bravely talking to my dental assistant lady about legalizing marij*ana
    thank you for getting my hair straightened
    thank you for taking me to that nail salon and totally blissing out and forgetting about all the worlds worries omgoodness yes thank you
    thank you for eating dinner
    thank you for writing a lot more of my essay
    thank you for washing my face
    thank you for brushing my teeth
    thank you for fixing my newly chemically straightened hair before i go to bed so it doesn’t kink funny while i sleep
    thank you for thinking positive thoughts about tomorrow.
    thank you for noticing when things feel bad
    thank you for not trying to convince me that some things just have to feel bad and there’s nothing i can do about it. thank you for saving me from being a victim. that story was getting old.

  448.  #448Starla on December 15, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    today i felt so in sync and wonderful. sometimes when i go to dentists or doctors offices or spas or salons i feel like they dont want to be working (on me) or like i am a bother to them.. it can be really triggering sometimes. but today everyone was warm to me, and complimented me and was patient and had interesting conversations with me that weren’t just small talk, but deep real shxt… i felt magical and blessed all day long.

    and then i was engaged in a magical and blessed conversation with the cashier girl at the store, and a woman appeared behind me and was like “um hi i need help” in a passive aggressive, irritated way.” and i felt terrible. my mood plummeted. i felt guilty and bad and wrong and angry and out of sync with the world and that was okay too.

    i’m feeling better now. i feel hopeful noticing where i am really sensitive to other people’s vibrations and where i have triggers. they’re curiously in the same places, usually.

  449.  #450Butterfly wings on December 15, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    Only up to post #215 but had to post!

    Have had a wonderful few days and feel like I’m on too of the world!

    TH has really stepped up and has been randomly sending me messages and emails through the day. He also invited me out tonight.

    Oh and he emailed me the other day with some present ideas for my daughters (i didn’t instigate this at all!) and said he’d like to pitch in for the cost.

    Last night we were at a Christmas party and he “staked his claim” by making sure everyone knew we were going home together (this was after I was hit on by one of the guys at the party). He has since mentioned several times how much of a flirt I am. My response? I said that I couldn’t help it if men were drawn to my vibrant and friendly personality! Lol

    Things just feel great right now!!!

    Oh! And I had my palm read last night. Spooky stuff! The guy described my personality exactly! And then:

    Him: You have a man in your life don’t you?
    Me: Yes…
    Him: But there are problems. It’s not a “proper” relationship. You want more but he’s holding back.
    Me: Uh…yeah!
    Him: You feel like you don’t have him because of this.
    Me: Yeah that’s true.
    Him: Don’t worry – you have him!

    So yeah that was kind of freaky and when he said that I had him, something deep inside said “yep he’s right!”.

    All this must be contributing to my vibe right now cos I’ve been getting looks all day and another guy at work was just flirting with me.

    So I’m about to leave work and head out for yet another celebration! I’m getting too old for this and am looking forward to a quiet night in! Love u all!! xxx

  450.  #451Esteemed on December 15, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    Butterfly Wings,

    RE: #444 – Thanks for your kind comments! If this were an isolated incident, of making a point to tell me he’s going to a meeting that starts in 2 hours, and then not showing, it would be okay. It was okay maybe the first 10 times. Then after 20 times I was writhing in pain.

    After he gave me every reason to believe he was days away from proposing to me, staged it, and then told me it was just a friendship and he is not in love with me, it left me suicidal for two days.

    THIS IS NOT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT. THIS IS NOT RANDOM. THIS IS NOT ACCIDENTAL. This is a part of his deliberate, intentional pattern of setting up my expectations for something good and then pulling out from under me. Each time he would turn up the relationship a notch, he would casually slam me with not mutual feelings.

    For example, once we got naked for the first time in 2009, after dating for about 2 months. The next day, he called a special meeting just to tell me, “It’s not a relationship. It is just a friendship. I am not in love with you.” The next week, we took a middle of the night trip to the shore, got a hotel, and had an intimate time, and it was the closest I had ever felt to another human being. I thought he must have had a change of heart. We were up all night, so when he woke up at 5 pm, he was cold. There was evil in his eyes. Instead of his usual long, loving hug and “I love you”, there was a pat on the shoulder and “God bless you.” The following day, he assured me that it was just a friendship and he was not in love with me.

    We spent about 20 minutes wordlessly gazing into each other’s eyes as we listened to a romantic Michael Bolton album. A few days later, it was back to nothing.

    After a month or so had passed from his fake proposal and we had “made up”, one night he started making out with me on the sofa. We ended up in bed, where he pleasured me with his hands. He didn’t want any reciprocation.

    A week later, he steamed things up at the diner, encouraging me to play with him under the table. He said he had to go somewhere the next day and his car was broken. He asked if he could drop me off and pick me up at work, so he could use my car. I said sure, and he asked if he could spend the night at my house so it was easier to wake up early in the morning. It was a romantic evening out, and I so looked forward to a romantic evening in. Just before we left the restaurant to go to my house, he got a phone call and said his mom said he could borrow her car, so that would be easier to not have to pick me up and drop me off at work. He asked me to drop him off at home.

    Each case is random, isn’t it? NO!! It may look that way from where you sit. But when you suffer the psychological and emotional pain I did TIME AND TIME AGAIN from being set up for a happy expectation and then be left down, it becomes traumatic.

    People who victimize others with mind control create a traumatic situation that fills the victim with fear and pain. Then they become the “savior” of that victim, providing the way out of the pain and fear, if the victim complies. Over time, the victim is at their control at their whim, controlled by pain and fear. They create the traumatic situation again and again.

    Rori says if it feels good, keep doing it and saying it.
    If it feels bad, stop doing it and saying it.

    This feeling that swept over me when he didn’t show up to the meeting was way too familiar from 2009. Tonight I ended it with Mr. Toxicity Personified by writing this:

    “Oooh, more psychological pain and abuse! Muah! Where do I sign up?!”

    Then, “I am committed to only healthy relationships in my life from now on. Every time I feel connected with you, I feel let down. Have a nice life.”

    I had a need to say something cold to a degree in order to protect my heart. In the past, I would have gone to him crying, begging him to not keep disappointing me, reasoning how much it hurts me when he says he is going to do something and doesn’t, etc. I needed to give him a reason to not try to be close to me. I needed to set a new relational pattern that treats me like a queen. I won’t tolerate this sick behavior anymore. I know that I know that it’s psychological abuse. Random changes of plans don’t happen systematically and consistently. Random changes of plans don’t hurt to the core because of their frequency.

    Once I emailed him a video that was caught on a security camera in an apartment building elevator. A man had his girlfriend’s small dog on a leash. As the elevator descended, he sweetly called the dog to him. As soon as the dog would get within reach, he would kick the dog. Then he would call the dog to him again. As soon as the dog would get within reach, he would kick the dog again, over and over.

    The first time I saw the video, I got huge tears in my eyes, because I knew how that dog felt. I instantly thot that man was R and I was the dog. I emailed the video to R. After he watched it, I asked him what he thot. He said, “I don’t know. Why did you send it to me?” I explained thru tears that I felt like the little dog with him. He was cold and responseless, like a stone.

    It took me months to discover his pattern, to understand why I kept hurting and hurting. After a while I linked feeling close and happy with him as the mark that he was about to hurt me. And when he hurt me, as he consistently did, it was the signal that he was trying to get me to react emotionally, either to find out my deepest feelings (which come out when we are in the most pain/anger); to condition my behavior; to test me.

    That is all the explanation I am going to give, and it would feel really good to be understood after making that effort.

    Love, Esteemed

  451.  #452Esteemed on December 15, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    R often asked me, “How could I inspire a woman to …?” He talked a lot in terms of “inspiring” someone to behave a certain way. So today I asked myself with deep thought, “How could I inspire R to stop psychologically abusing me?”

    The only answer to that was to push him out of my life. So that is what I did.

    I love him and miss him, and I always will. I just pray for strength to hold my boundaries.

  452.  #453Esteemed on December 15, 2011 at 11:17 pm


    RE: #409 – Thank you! Yes, that is a good response. I actually waited for an hour or so in order to think of a good, genuine way to answer without killing the positive vibe. Plus I was with a friend. It just didn’t come to me then, and I had to respond. He was getting antsy.

    I just can’t believe such a “nice man” cancelled a date over something so trite.

  453.  #454laughing goddess on December 15, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Esteemed: I wonder if you could apply this post from Rori to your situation?

    lk – yes – take 100% responsibility. OWN everything that happens, no matter who did what. I even own the state of the world as if it’s the state of my mind. AND place NO blame. There ISN’T any blame to place! Things just ARE. What IS is. Go from there. Change starts from inside us, each of us, and forgiveness is a great tool if you find yourself going to blame of you or anyone…and – to go really esoteric – if there’s nothing to blame, there’s nothing to forgive – except perhaps the idea in our heads that there could ever be anything to blame…Love, Rori

  454.  #455Esteemed on December 15, 2011 at 11:21 pm


    RE: #453 – Thanks, I really like what Rori said there. Ok, how about this:

    I feel psychological pain that is so intense that two years ago I almost committed suicide. Therefore, I am moving away from that pain to protect myself. I take full responsibility for protecting myself.

    In essence, that is what I’m saying. But the reason I gave the full explanation (and I could have said 100 pages more), is because, viewed as an isolated incident, not coming to a meeting is not a big deal. Just trying to communicate my reasons for responding so extremely.

    If I had had the insight, guts, and strength to shut down the friendship 2-2.5 years ago, I wouldn’t be in this painful thing now.

  455.  #456Esteemed on December 15, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    Just fell asleep at the computer for twenty minutes. Going to bed.

    Low, E

  456.  #457Esteemed on December 15, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    Love, E

  457.  #458DoubleRainbow on December 16, 2011 at 12:52 am

    What a fun night! I went to a Christmas party and got to practice leaning back (up against a wall) and just being. It was the first time I’ve ever been to a party where I wasn’t worried about what to say or where to stand, or whether it was “going well”. I just leaned into the wall and let people approach me. Wow, and they did! And so, so many looked longingly over at me without working up the courage to walk up. Even that felt nice 🙂 Ooh and I got to practice level 2 listening, too. I had a few guys lose their train of thought, hee hee. I felt so golden!

  458.  #459Izzy on December 16, 2011 at 5:47 am

    I remembered a conversation I had with my man

    He said: “you pressured me”.

    Then I just looked at him and said nothing. He was standing up, I was sitting down.

    Then he refrased: “I felt pressured”. And sat down.

    That was cute. He started doing what I was doing.

    And we were able to solve the disagreement we were having.

    Smart guy…

  459.  #460Femininewoman on December 16, 2011 at 5:51 am

    Sweetpea in Rori’s Reconnect CDs she talks about just feeling the fear and sinking into it. Notice where it is in the body and put your hand over it to heal it. In trying it I have noticed that it has moved around my body when I sink into it, like from my stomach to my jaws to my throat to my heart. At times I feel my jaws so clenched it feels like a vice grip and like I just stop breathing. I find many times it bounces back and forth from one place to the other and sometimes I feel nauseous.

    Regarding the fizzing of biz I did tapping with Margaret Lynch and suspect this might help a bit. It kind of focusses on bringing your vibe up to a RockStar level. Since I started doing this in conjunction with Rori’s tools of loving myself I have been having people telling me that there is a glow about me. Just yesterday I had someone telling me he cherishes and adores me and literally begged me for a hug. I just barely hugged him while focussinng on melting and going into my body. He reacted like a kid in a candy store. So yeah I am loving this work.


  460.  #461Femininewoman on December 16, 2011 at 6:01 am

  461.  #462Izzy on December 16, 2011 at 6:07 am

    There is a lot of love in this world.

    I’m a source of love.

    All women are.

    I want to send my vibration of love and attract those who vibrate in the same wave length.

    I love my love for me.

    I love it when I support myself.

    I love it when I’m there for me.

    I love it when I don’t abandon myself.

    I’m awesome! 🙂

  462.  #463Starla on December 16, 2011 at 6:27 am

    Hi Esteemed, when I read your question to yourself about how you can get R to stop psych. abusing you, I felt my heart sink. The answer was spot on, but the question feels so not right in a serious way. I have been in an abusive relationship which is probably why I died a little inside knowing the question you’re asking yourself will keep you trapped forever. Here is the question I asked myself this year that pulled me out of all that nonsense I’d been going through for years.

    —->”How can I stop putting myself in situations where I end up feeling psychologically abused?”

    Now that I’ve asked myself, and followed through with the answers, I feel happier and safer and worthier than ever. And to an extent I never knew was possible, because there’s something sadly blinding about the paradigm of pain and abuse that we get locked in.

  463.  #464T-Girl on December 16, 2011 at 6:37 am

    Thank you Sweatpea, I hope it does get easier and I want to check out your article. If I click on your name can I get to your blog?

    He has mentioned to me in the past that I’m a closed book and last night he told me we have a lot of fun but don’t talk about important things. Ouch. It even hurts for me to type that. But it is so true.

    Funny, when I started opening up last night and telling him my fears, it is like HE didn’t walk to talk about it anymore and would crack a joke or try to change the subject.

    And then he told me one of his fears about logistics if we were to ever move in together. I asked him if he thinks about those things because I was going to tell him I think about those things as well…but then his sister called and our coversation was cut short. I guess it is a comfort that he does see me in his future.

    And then I could feel the changes in my body. First I could feel relief that I was finally opening up and we are getting closer, then I could feel a fear so great that I was harming our relationship telling him my fears.

    When I was driving home I was identifying in my body where the tension was, but then I didn’t know what to do from there.

  464.  #465T-Girl on December 16, 2011 at 6:55 am

    And now I’m feeling a very defensive, remembering a few of the other “buts” he talked about last night.

    (We have fun but…)

    I feel a heaviness in my chest right now and I don’t know what to do with it. I feel so defensive that I want to get blamey on him or tell him that now is a good time for him to bail then.

  465.  #466T-Girl on December 16, 2011 at 7:01 am

    I want to say it’s not just me that is a closed book but why do I have to bear the blame?

  466.  #467T-Girl on December 16, 2011 at 7:07 am

    I feel myself wanting to withdraw.

    Sorry for the blog spamming…I don’t know how to get these feelings out. I feel like I have no one to talk to…

  467.  #468Radiance on December 16, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Sometimes my heart breaks again for my fatherless little girl. Me.


    “Belief in the Self
    Clearly, self confidence and self esteem can be forged through one’s own endeavors during the life course, even if a father has not been present, but the path to success in such endeavors, and the reasons for which they are even attempted, tend to be quite different in the adult woman who was raised with a positive relationship to her father, as opposed to the one who was not. The former may excel simply because she believes in herself, while the latter needs to excel in order to catch a glimpse of approval and recognition in the eyes of those who give her a message of approval, honor, or prestige. The value of such a belief in oneself, easily acquired by the woman with a positive relationship to her father, is immeasurable in the adult life, and the lack of it in many of the countless women who were raised without a positive father image, may cause the life course to be fraught with difficulties.

    The Multi-faceted Arena of Relationships
    Perhaps the arena in which the most painful process of learning how to deal with the early lack of a father is played out is in that of relationships. If a girl has not been assured of her value as a woman by that early relationship with the father, she finds it difficult to relate to men precisely because she may often unconsciously seek to find that recognition in the eyes of the beloved…and this may lead her down an early path of promiscuity… which in turn makes her feel she is “bad”, but on she marches, relentlessly visiting bed after bed, locking in a fierce embrace with man after man, in the hope that this one or that one, or the next one will finally give her that which she never had as a child – validation of herself for herself. “

  468.  #469Jilly on December 16, 2011 at 7:22 am

    T-Girl…((((hugs)))) It will work out…expressing your fears and feeling vulnerable and open…WOW…that’s impressive and amazing..way to go!!! Have you read Dominique’s latest blogpost?

  469.  #470Jilly on December 16, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Sweetpea…thank you!! 🙂 I know it felt crazy yesterday lol…
    So what’s your business? I feel curious…I just started my own and I can definitely relate to the excitement and NV’s all at the same time..

    It feels exhilerating…
    it feels like babysteps..starting here on this blog 2 1/2 years ago…being open and vulnerable and authentic and then bringing that ME to work…and now bringing it to my very own POP…like when I post a new blogpost to the whole world I feel exactly the same as if I’ve just been open and vulnerable with a man..
    like what’s everyone (him/the world) going to think?
    did I say it wrong/right?
    what if they (he/people) don’t like it? And it pushes people away and they don’t like me…THAT’S my biggest fear.

    Anyway I’m just relating to how I feel about it…how starting out with babysteps leads to so much more 🙂

    I kinda rambled 🙂

  470.  #471Mel on December 16, 2011 at 7:47 am

    Can any of you lovely sirens give me a practical way to release tension in the pelvis/vagina?

    It’s really weird… I never noticed myself holding tension there before. I used to hold a lot of tension in my neck, shoulders, and jaw. I no longer have any tension there. This feels really strange for me to notice my new areas of tension. Is this a healing thing? Does tension stored in this area mean anything?


  471.  #472Dominique on December 16, 2011 at 7:52 am

    laughing goddess – #448, I am so in love…


  472.  #473Mel on December 16, 2011 at 8:04 am


    Can you tell me more about the coconut milk kefir? I’m allergic to milk proteins, but miss yogurt…. does it taste similar? How do you make it?

  473.  #474Dominique on December 16, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Mel – All women hold tension in that area; we hold every trauma and hurt therein. It’s awesome that you have released tension in other areas so now you can actually be aware of, feel the tension you hold in your pelvis/vagina.

    Have you seen my three videos just released to my subscribers? I talk about this.

    Take some time and lie down, pillow under you knees, and just observe. Check into your body, notice what’s what. Try sinking really deeply into areas that hold, as if you that area was a feather bed.

    This will be a process like all of this.

    Also self inner vaginal exploration and massage, looking for areas of tightness, hardness, pain, numbness, heat, cold, etc. is hugely useful. Gently massage the areas which call to you for attention.


  474.  #475Mel on December 16, 2011 at 8:12 am


    Thanks Tinque! Do you suppose that I was sort of “numb” and didn’t notice the tension in this area before? Is this part of the healing process? Are my hurts/traumas coming to the surface? I feel surprised to suddenly feel tension here.

  475.  #476Esteemed on December 16, 2011 at 8:15 am

    Double Rainbow,

    RE: #457 – What a fantastic evening! Thanks for sharing! This stuff really does work, and it’s so emotionally healthy! I feel happy with you!

  476.  #477Dominique on December 16, 2011 at 8:16 am

    Mel – Coconut tastes similarly to regular kefir. (Goat milk kefir too by the way is usually tolerated well by lactose intolerant people which tastes more like the regular one). It’s really good, just a bit different.

    I bought the one from SO Delicious, available at Whole Foods or probably most health food stores. I bought a starter from Body Ecology online. You heat the milk to skin temp, @ 92 degrees farenheit. Add the starter (you need twice as much starter for goat milk), place in a glass bottle or jar. Let sit in a warm, dark place for 24 hours.

    You can make your next batch from this one (about 1/2 cup kefir to the warm milk, 1 cupish for goat milk) up to seven batches using the freshest batch to make each subsequent batch.

    Both are really, really good for digestion, keeping lots of good bacteria on the gut, aiding hugely with assimilation of nutrients, AND for preventing and reversing the aging process in the organs and skin.

    I love kefir.


  477.  #478Esteemed on December 16, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Go Izzy! Go FeminineWoman!

    RE: #458-459