Love To You For The Holidays

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treeheartHere’s my favorite Holiday post….I post it every year…and I guess that’s my tradition. Happy everything to you…!

Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, many more traditions both religious and secular – all together, all at once the mere thought of it fills me with feelings of dread.

Is it because I remember that winter in New York and how depressed that year was?

Is it because there’s so much family at the holidays – and I feel not only obligated and exhausted, but adolescent again around so much of my history?

My family history is wonderful. I’m one of the very lucky ones. A not so dysfunctional home – perhaps not passion, but at least humor, affection and lots of support and attention for my brother and me.

Perhaps it just feels as if all the pain of the world comes into relief around the ever present pictures of joy at this time of year. I know its not about me at all.

Its not personal. Do we all just notice, suddenly, all at the same time, that we’re all in this together?

We go to church, go to synagogue, light candles, wrap presents, shop in the same stores, rush around in the dark after work. It feels so unreal. Like going through the motions without any real heart.

And then all at once it hits me. It’s transition time. Something has ended. Something has started. Even more than at birthday time, I’m older. My daughter moves toward her own life. My husband feels time – there are days to Christmas and days to New Year’s. We’ve done this before. Over and over. The ritual of transition.

To those of you who are waiting on the edge of a new relationship showing up or hoping the one you’ve started will turn concrete or hoping the one you’ve been long committed to will take flight into bliss – believe it will.

Regardless of how unsettling the holidays can be for so many reasons unique to each of us – there’s magic in the air. Things can happen. We are all teetering at a transition, looking for meaning to drop into our lives. Allow it to tip in. It will.

Part of what is so challenging about the end of the year is that we all feel pressed to do so much. Presents, parties, family, gather that man under your wing before the year ends, tension, anger, old resentments.

Instead, try something different.

Instead of trying to swim through this, sink into it.

Believe the wave of emotion and giddiness and pressure and pain and feeling like a child again will hold you up.

You will not be dropped on your head. You will float across the sea of possibilities into the next part of your life a bit more transparent. A bit wiser, a bit more vulnerable, feeling fragile but relying on the steel within you to let the world see what a beautiful, delicate, intricate, complex and yet totally whole woman you are.

Even when I can’t see it, can’t feel it, can’t trust it, I believe. Sometimes I’m propelled into action to help someone else – and then I feel more human and less fragile. I feel of use.

But sometimes I just make myself lie down on the floor and look up at the ceiling. Instead of a solid plaster barrier above my head – if I look really hard – I can see a window, a passage, a worm-hole, time-warp, incomprehensible path to what I can’t see.

And its not just my future, its my possibilities. I look up into something I can’t see and let myself sink into myself. I thank the floor for holding me up, and then I just fly into whatever there is out there.

I believe its bliss.

I believe that my future and my daughter’s future, and my husband’s future, and the futures of all my dear friends and family and clients, and even the futures of people I can never feel close to or even good when I’m around them, are full of possibilities. Things I could never even imagine.

It’ll take the living of it, moment by moment, transition by transition, feeling by feeling, experience by experience, with the highest hopes I can muster, to discover what they are.

Wishing you bliss, joy, experience, love, faith, hope, adventure, and a glimpse of the beauty of your own soul in a random moment shared with all of us in the place we can’t see that’s full of possibilities…

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Liz on December 24, 2011 at 6:46 am

    Thank-you Rori,

    Thank-you for reminding me of the great possibilities in faith.
    Thank-you for giving me courage to feel my feelings and to love them.
    Thank-you for giving me permission to see potential.
    May you also experience all that you wish for.
    May all of us sirens breathe in the magic of the holidays and feel supported in our feelings. May we all wake up with the wonder of a child on christmas morning who believes Santa has delivered dreams to him through the chimney.
    Thank-you all the sirens who have posted their struggles and their amazing insights and transformations and thank-you for your posts to me.

  2.  #2Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 7:08 am

    On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

    …eleven sirens singing…

    …ten frogs a-leaping…
    …nine bloggers blogging…
    …eight e-mails waiting
    …seven skirts a-flipping
    …six guys a-texting…

    …fifty-five soulmate rinnngggggs!!!

    …four calling cards…
    …three fine men…
    …two Starbucks coffees…
    …and a Rori Raye new video to see.

    “Twelve Days of Christmas”


  3.  #3Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 7:17 am


    Thanks for the lovely post. I’m right there with you. This month has whizzed by!

    Thank you for the lovely post and the year I’ve spent with you here on the blog. I’m already excited about 2012 and I hope we are all going to do our “end of year 2012 letters” for 2013! I look forward to that post too.


  4.  #4Femininewoman on December 24, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Thank you. It is transition time for me too Rori. I am committed to truly being me and to transforming my life. I will continue healing and stop blaming others for holding me back.

  5.  #5Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 8:05 am

    from previous thread:

    @799: crystal eyes says:
    “If you thought romance was passé in Paris, all you have to do is look at Paris bridges to see it is being displayed in full force.
    The Paris “love locks” are back on Pont Des Arts ”

    “…it is my secret wish to return with a lock and the man of my dreams and padlock our “love lock ” to the bridge …”

    Oh, me too…

    moi aussi!
    moi aussi!


  6.  #6Virginia Feingold Clark on December 24, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Dear Rori, sending you and your readers these special wishes.

    I Salute You!

    There is nothing I can give you that you have not got;
    but there is much that, while I cannot give it, you can take.

    No Heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today.

    Take Heaven!

    No peace lies in the future that is not hidden in this present instant.

    Take Peace!

    The gloom of the world is but a shadow.
    Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy.

    Take Joy!

    And so, on this Winter Solstice,
    I greet you with the prayer that for you, now and forever,
    the day breaks and the shadows flee away.*

    *Based on the words of Fra Giovanni, 1513)

  7.  #7Dominique on December 24, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Happy! Happy!! Happy!!! Merry! Merry!! Merry!!! to all the beautiful, fabulous, amazing goddess women here.

    Sending love and all you wish for.


  8.  #8VW on December 24, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Thank you Rori and all Sirens for an amazing year overall…

    A wonderful Holiday!

    warm hugs,

  9.  #9lilybelly on December 24, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Merry Christmas, Rori and Beautiful, Shining, Sparkling Sirens…

    Wishing Joy…

  10.  #10Debra on December 24, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Blessings to you too Rori – I treasure the gifts you have given with your energy and wisdom about relationships. You have given me a gift that is priceless for I am now the Modern Siren… I own my power more everyday and I am moving towards the relationship I have always wanted and my thanks to you sincerely.
    Wishing you a very blessing Holiday and New Year

  11.  #11liz on December 24, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I gratefully read your post and acknowledged it in the previous holiday blog.

  12.  #12Aurora Girl on December 24, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Thank yoy Rori…timely post….

    I too relate to feelings of dread….at times…and the sense of transition…..and feeling very vulnerable in it all…..if I think too far ahead…….I get anxious and uncomfortable……’s a reminder for me to stay in the present…..this time of year for me is mixed with the celebrations….the anniversaries of the deaths of people and others who have been key in my life ….winding down one year and getting ready for the next……

    Last year at this time I told myself I was going to try to keep my thoughts positive…..for the most part I was able to…..compared to the year before……now I am trying to trust my heart in 2012…..despite logic….despite an old habit of analyzing….I want to give intuition and my heart the front seat for a change…… i approach my 50th birthday this summer……..

    we shall hang on ….and we shall see…

    Good vibes and fairy dust tonight……

  13.  #13Lizka on December 24, 2011 at 11:29 am

    E haven’t call me yet. He said a few days ago that we could spend some time together tonigbg. I was not really expecting him to call, but of course I was thinkinv of it. But I don’t really care. And I’m happy that I feel like that. Amd surprised. Still surprise that it’s getting easier and easier for mo to focus on something else than men. 🙂

  14.  #14Kayla on December 24, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Hey everyone, long time no talk.. well I posted this on the last post but I’m pretty sure it got deleted, I’m in major need of advice so any advice is welcome.. Please and thank you.

    I’m going to start with telling you guys that I feel soo hopeless and helpless right now.. Lately barely any men have been leaning toward me and so it makes it very hard for me not to lean forward at times, but for the most part I feel like I have been doing pretty good about it, so that’s good(: I know that this is a lie but at the moment I feel like I will not find love, I just feel really upset and unconfident. . .

    I also feel very sad about the fact that one of my friends passed away yesterday, we were not very close but I feel weird that it is still having such a great affect on me.

    Now I am going to tell you about a problem that I am currently having that is making me feel very confused and frustrated.

    I was recently in a relationship with a great man who treated me well, did things for me without me asking to, and he respected me (we weren’t together for even a month before I broke up with him) well here’s how the story goes… He texted me every single morning and we would talk.. We did not get to see eachother very much, most of the time when he didn’t have to work or go to school, I had plans.. Well I don’t feel comfortable initiating contact or making any first moves at all.. And so I never did. Well my man started getting upset about this and started asking me why I never texted him first, I told him that it made me feel uncomfortable and clingy, and that I would rather have a man make the first moves because it makes me feel wanted and important.. He replied with saying that he wanted to feel important too and that he felt like I wasn’t opening up to him.. I told him I understand how he felt but at the moment I don’t know what to do about this.. He said that we would be fine and he would continue to text me.. Well a couple weeks later, we were talking to eachother and then he quit texting me right in the middle of a conversation.. Well the next day, no text.. and for two days after that, no text or any kind of contact at all.. And then the next day he texted me and said that he thought we would be perfect if I showed him that I cared instead of wait 3 days for a text.. I told him that I don’t feel comfortable chasing men and that I won’t do it.. He said that he understands that but I’m not chasing something that I already have.. Well we talked for a little bit after that and once again he quit texting me right in the middle of a conversation that I felt was very important.. And the next day, no text, I felt so confused on what to do and overwhelmed and upset and frustrated, so I texted him and I told him that I felt like we should break up, it’s nobodys fault, I just felt upset and frustrated and confused, and I can’t be in a relationship without communication.. He texted me back and said that he understands and that maybe we should have got to know eachother first and that there is always another chance for us if I’m not taken, I told him yes there’s always another chance for us and that it’s just hard to be in a relationship when you don’t get to see eachother very often. He texted back and asked if there was another chance or if he was just a throw away? I told him no that he was not a throw away, but I just want to be able to enjoy a relaionship instead of feeling confused and upset.. He didn’t text back after that and he changed his relationship status on fb, so did I after he did, and we haven’t talked since..

    Long story I know..

    But I don’t know what to do.. Is texting a man first when he wants you to (even though you don’t feel comfortable with it at all) disrespecting yourself and your boundaries? Or is it just being vulnerable? Is a man that wants you to chase him a toxic man? Or was I not doing my part?

    Please give me some advice..

    Thank you(:

  15.  #15Jessie1000 on December 24, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    I am having the most wonderful xmas! The guy I met just two weeks ago is chasing the guts out of me. Honestly, I have never had a guy better yet, let a guy treat me like this! He thinks I am wonderful and I just let him spoil me rotton! He cant spend a minute away from me. He flies to work and right back to my house the second hes done. We kiss forever and he is completely smitten by me. It takes me more courage than ive ever mustered to continue with him because i feel so open and vulnerable but for once i dont feel like if he left that i would feel terrible or alone because i have confidence that many more people will love this new me…that me that tells everyone openly, good or bad, my feelings.
    I told the teacher at my fitness class how nice she was and how fun her class was and how gorgeous she is…cause she was breathtaking and she grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug! We were instant friends, and all from just opening up to her. I often think of things Id like to say to people but i just dont. I dont know why. I just know that people being close to me feels scary. Close friends are few for me and often i dont tell them really how much i need them. NOW, Im a changed person. And the more I open, the more Im loved!
    Thanks Rori and Merry Xmas from the bottom of my heart cause you changed my whole life!

  16.  #16Daria on December 24, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Kayla – this is the reason to circular date – it becomes so much clearer what guy will step up and what guy just won’t ‘get’ you, and who won’t – and it’s do much easier. 1 month is a short time to date…

    Check out what your blocks around Curcukar Dating are and take some steps towards it

  17.  #17Daria on December 24, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Also hugs to you – sorry to hear about your friend.

  18.  #18Daria on December 24, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Feelin tense thinking I don’t yet have presents for my parents
    And also that my phone bill isnt paid and my phone might be dead right now

  19.  #19Femininewoman on December 24, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Kayla sorry to hear about your friend.

    Though guys might find it convenient to use text as their main way of communicating, I don’t consider that a relationship. I want a man who is in my life, in front of me. I encourage you to get a profile on line and start cdating. Believe me you will be amazed at the number of men who want to have you in their lives. I feel compassion towards you because of the situation but limiting your options to just one man is selling yourself short and not allowing him to feel the real you. It limits your world and the amount of experiences you have to expand yourself. I encourage you to really get to know yourself and get clear if this is really all you want in your life.

  20.  #20Esteemed on December 24, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    I am collecting the input of you wonderful Sirens, as I said, for future reference. I believe there is safety in a multitude of counsel. I have also gotten feedback from Apple Jacks, a previous Siren on the blog, and I have decided, at least for this time, to go with what she said:

    “I don’t see that he did anything wrong, so why end it? You just have to be able to move through life and be versatile. We can’t always get what we want, when we want it, how we want it. Sometimes things are meant to be; sometimes they are not.

    “Our purpose is to grow and expand as much as possible and situations that challenge us help us in becoming more whole and well rounded human beings. There’s no better goal than that.

    “If you want the option of being his friend, then be it in every sense of the word. I’m saying you’re a big girl, so learn to handle this if that is what you desired. It is still up to you. If you want more and you can’t handle it and decide to end it, that would be a very honest, sincere thing to do and deserves no fault. However, if you wanna go the friend route, you have to learn to put your expectations aside and be that friend.

    “You have to make sure you’re being honest with yourself. That’s the key to being a high value person, because that way, others will know exactly where they stand with you, and that they will always get a quality exchange when they interact with you.

    “Try to learn to take people at face value. Meaning if R said ‘I may come; no promises’, then that means no promises. Unless he says concretely otherwise, don’t set your own mind up for a fall.”

    Thank you, Apple Jacks! What I decided to do, since I am really into him, and since he never did set it up as a formal date, is just let this one go.

    Next time he asks me if I am going to an upcoming meeting at church, I will just politely tell him I’d rather not say, and that way I’m there if I’m there, and he’s there if he’s there.

    If he continues to set me up for elation followed by a crash, then I will reconsider and follow the advice of some of the other Sirens. Much of what you said has much validity.

  21.  #21Daria on December 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    I am feeling so lovely

    my mom seems in a good mood and feeling well and is huggy

    my dad is kinda too

    the air outside smells sooo FRESH (I LOVE THE SMELL OF AIR)

    im feeling healthy and awake and dreamy

    my feet have been rubbed


    i don’t feel desperate or needy

    my peezy was due but it didn’t come!

    aww its ok to come peezy if you want

    maybe it would feel nice to think about having an apple cider bath a

    and some red raspberry tea



    love to daria

  22.  #22Esteemed on December 24, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Apple Jacks also said:

    “If R was trying to be manipulative, it would not work unless you are affected by it, so why be so affected?

    “The reality is no one else has any control over what you do or your mind except your own self. Others can try, but unless we give them that power, it won’t work. So why waste so much energy on what this person is trying to do or not? That why taking things and people at face value and not relying on things outside of ourselves for fulfillment work in OUR best interest.

  23.  #23Esteemed on December 24, 2011 at 1:50 pm


    More love to Daria! 🙂

  24.  #24Esteemed on December 24, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Brenda hits her big Staples, “Easy Button”:


    LOL! I feel much better. I feel at peace.

  25.  #25Heather on December 24, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Merry Christmas Rori and all the beautiful Sirens 🙂

    I have maannnnyyy things to be thankful for. Glad everyone’s having a relaxing Christmas season!!! *HUGS*

  26.  #26Daria on December 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    hey i feel excited to notice that my experiment with not asking “WHY …. does all this bad happen, can’t i do this, the hell do these people have to, am i trippin about this…”

    ie with noticing myself going to ask WHY about something that dosnt feel good (ie literally why do i need to know why im trippn about this — translates to I DONT need to know why im trippin about this, i just would feel better not to trip’

    the WHY questions amplified by hot controlly yet hopeless desperate, uncomfortable energy around the subject

    REWORDING it to something else seems to simply sidestep so much of my tension!


  27.  #27Daria on December 24, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    ((Esteemed)) … you were in my dream!

  28.  #28Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    A blast from the past (posted by KS and Ella…)

    762: KS says:
    SLV-Found the poem I think you wanted from Ella. It touched me too…so I saved it. Enjoy.

    “Grown Women”

    GIRLS leave their schedule wide open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
    GROWN WOMEN make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.

    GIRLS want to control the man in their life.
    GROWN WOMEN know that if he is truly hers, he doesn’t need controlling.

    GIRLS check you for not calling them.
    GROWN WOMEN are too busy to notice you hadn’t.

    GIRLS try to put a man on lock by using sex.
    GROWN WOMEN know that it is sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to lock you down.

    GIRLS fake moan, lay there and take the stabbing.
    GROWN WOMEN say “Just Stop”, get up, get dressed and walk out.

    GIRLS are afraid to be alone.
    GROWN WOMEN revel in it – using it as a time for personal growth.

    GIRLS ignore the good guys
    GROWN WOMEN ignore the bad guys.

    GIRLS make you come.
    GROWN WOMEN make you come home.

    GIRLS worry about not being pretty/good enough for their man.
    GROWN WOMEN know that they are pretty/good enough for any man.

    GIRLS try to monopolize all their man’s time (ie: don’t want him hanging with his friends)
    GROWN WOMEN realize that a lil bit of space makes the together time even more special – and goes to kick it with her own friends!

    GIRLS think a guy crying is weak.
    GROWN WOMEN offer their shoulder and a tissue.

    GIRLS want to be spoiled and ‘tell’ their man so.
    GROWN WOMEN ‘show’ him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o fear of losing his manhood.

    GIRLS get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
    GROWN WOMEN know that it was just one man.

    GIRLS fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection ignoring all the signs.
    GROWN WOMEN know that sometimes the one you love doesn’t always love you back – and moves on, without bitterness.

    GIRLS will read this and get an attitude.
    GROWN WOMEN will read this and ask … which one am I?

    Loved by some, hated by many, envied by most and yet wanted by plenty.

    Grown Women.

    Saturday, 12 March 2011 @ 7:24pm


  29.  #29crystal eyes on December 24, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Merry , Happy , Joyeux Celebrations!!!

    28 deg C today , gentle breeze, mega sunshine…

    I am celebrating ME .
    New life.
    New body.
    New thinking.
    PEACE – that peace hidden in this instant and every instant (thank you Virginia)

    And FAMILY
    loving support..

    And the ADVENTURE of LIFE

    And I am slipping in a little CD visit for an hour before dinner as I will be in the same area.. 🙂

  30.  #30Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Rori Raye says:

    “Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse…”


  31.  #31Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Back home from snippet of Christmas shopping; I did very little Christmas shopping this year. Relaxing now with coffee and two chocolate chip cookies. Love my little Christmas tree!


  32.  #32Daria on December 24, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    omgosh im doing the 1st Chakra video tapping and picturing it specifically for me

    and i can so see how money has tied in with “having to pay conquerors in order to have safety” and control and “defeat” and having disempowerment, low self esteem , trauma

    what with wwII and also way back along to dacian- roman times of being conquered

    so much love and healing to me

    and how i vowed to be loyal to this picture so as not to dishonor my ancestors pain and anger and their thought process of bieng victimized

    i refused to let go of it bec

    i have to keep reiterating its not ok cuz its the truth of my tribe

    and i can heal this babystep at a time

    its just a trauma that they/we created vows around to never forget

    but tis harming me and it harmed us and i Can heal it like any trauma

    im familiar with these traumas and the anger i want to heal and honor the anger and i can heal and honor all the feelings and trauma and heal the whole thing

    and therefore the world – my world


  33.  #33crystal eyes on December 24, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Thanks for that SLV ..some of us still need the occasional reminder !

    SLV I am also manifesting a fabulous Parisian hotel , Michelin starred restaurants ,museums , galleries concerts , the Opera and many romantic walks along the Seine..we might make this our honeymoon destination .

    So perhaps I shall make this the year of the Parisian Love Lock!

  34.  #34Heather on December 24, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Aaawww SLV 🙂 thanks for that link. It’s good we don’t have to “come to peace” “be over it” but simply DONE. Not just knowing but believing I deserve better is awesome.

  35.  #35Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Otis Redding – “Merry Christmas” (1967)

  36.  #36crystal eyes on December 24, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Rori on the subject of friendship with the ex…. from SLV’s link

    .”J, in the letter that started the original post, does NOT feel good with the “ex” who’s contacting her at this moment. The idea of friendship is NOT clear and easy and about …friends. It’s all clouded and complex and involves all kinds of triggers. And this was not a Circular Dating relationship – this was BEFORE J figured out how to Circular Date – this was an exclusive relationship with sex. And she still feels attached and emotional – as would almost ALL of us.”

    This is why I recommend letting the friendship go , as its “all clouded and complex and involves all kinds of triggers”. Get riding girl and crack that whip!!!

  37.  #37Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Oops, 😳

    That was Otis Redding with “Merry Christmas, Baby

  38.  #38Daria on December 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    mmmi saw in the instant how the ones who thought they were disempowered or stifled and died is just what they THOUGHT and the truth is they were not disempowered at all and could NEVER be in their divinity

    and it was just a trauma

    and i love them and awant to heal this

    feeling it i n my chest

    i love the tightness in my chest

    sigh i love my sigh

    feeling it my tummy i love the tightness in my tummy

    feelin it in my mouth i love the setting of my jaw the tightness in my mouth

    feeling it in my buttocks i love the tightness and hardness in my buttocks

    feeling it sweep throug my head i love teh hurriane in my head

    feeling it in my neck i love the tighteness in my neck

    feeling it in my set of head and jaw i love the tightness on my head on my neck

    feeling it in my chest i love teh tightness in my chest

    feeling it in my cheeks and temples i love the tightness in my heeks and temples

    feeling it in my inside thighs i loe the pinching in my inside thighs

    big breath i love my big breath

    feeling like movin i love my moved feeling

    feelig like turn over my head and fear i love teh fear of tumpbling

    feeling lifke tighteness iin my lips i love th e tightness in my pis

    i feeling like tightness in my inside thigh i love th e tightness in my insdie thigh

    feleing tightness in my back i love the tighntess

    in my bakc

    feeling the laguh ilove my laugh

    feeling the swqueezi in my tumy i love th esqeeze in mmy tummy

    feeling the aywn i love the yawn

    feeling the tension in my shoulders i love teh tension in my shoulders

    feeling the tnesion in my thrid solar plexus i love teh entesion in my solar plexus

    feeling the tightness in my gums i love the tightness in my gumes

    feeling th tigthness in my solar plexus the tingling i love the tingling in my solar plexus

    feeling the pincihng in my inside thigh i love the pincihshing on my inside thight

  39.  #39crystal eyes on December 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Have a great day Sirens wherever you are ,
    may your hearts be Merry and Bright 🙂

  40.  #40Femininewoman on December 24, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    GROWN WOMEN know that sometimes the one you love doesn’t always love you back – and moves on, without bitterness.

    Thank you SLV for the reminder

  41.  #41Daria on December 24, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    still feeling pinched under my back of head and in my tongue i love the pinching on my tongue and the back of my head

    feels like small yawn and tightness in my solar plesux i love the yawan and tightness in my solar plexus

    feels like tighntess on my insdie thigh i love the thightness in my inside thight

    feels like giggling

    i love my igggling

    feels like tingly out the outisde of my arms i love the tingly out the outside of my arms

    feels like yawn i love my ywan

    feels like some pinching from buttocks down my insdie thigh

    i love my pinching

    it means im healing

    i love my smile

    feel like tingling on my cneck and holding tihgt in my diaphargm

    i love my holding feeling on my diagprhargm

    feels like ywaning and i love my wanging

    feeling like pinching on my inside thigh and tignling and numbness on my buttocks and pinching on my forearm

    i love my pinching and numbness

    feels like suction on under my tongue i love the pulling feeling undr my tongue

    and that feels like

    yawn i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    tightness on my inside thight

    i love the titghtness on my inside thight

    and that feels like

    wanting to pee

    i loe my wanting to pee

    and that feels like tingling in my buttocks i

    love the tingling in my ubttocks

    feels like

    tightnening around my throat i

    love the thightnesing and and tingling around my throat


    i love my yawn

    squeezing under my ribs

    i love teh squeezing under my ribs

    squeezing on my tongue

    i love the squeezing on my tongue

    tingling my tongue i love the tingling my tongue

    disconnection floating anger

    i love my anger disconnection floating feeling

    i love my yawn

  42.  #42Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    @32: crystal eyes

    I’m manifesting something like that for “Sweetie” and me… it figures because… I’m manifesting him too!

    And while I was out shopping this afternoon I saw a really neat brownstone that would be perfect for us but… the asking price is three million dollars… so I’d better get started manifesting that also. Or an alternative.

  43.  #43Sapphire-n-Jewels on December 24, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Happy Christmas Sirens
    Love to you all
    Sapphire xxx

  44.  #44Sapphire-n-Jewels on December 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Happy Christmas Sirens
    Love to you all

  45.  #45Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    @crystal eyes, @Daria, @Femininewoman, @Heather, @Sapphire-n-Jewels

    Merry Christmas to you and yours.

    I’m just relaxing a bit, watching TV and YouTube online, drinking coffee and on the phone… LOL

    Also trying to figure out how to put the soulmate rings and their “bubbles” on Christmas tree… hmmm.


  46.  #46Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Donny Hathaway – “This Christmas”

  47.  #47Esteemed on December 24, 2011 at 3:16 pm


    RE: #26 – LOL! What did you dream?

  48.  #48Esteemed on December 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    SLV, KS, and Ella,

    RE: #27 – Excellent! Quality quote!

    Hey Sirens! My Christmas wish came true!!!

    I have a date with R tonight! LOL! Mery Christmas to Esteemed!

  49.  #49Daria on December 24, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

    :: Part-Time Santa, Full-Time Visionary ::

    On gift-giving occasions such as Christmas,
    Hanukkah, and birthdays, parents traditionally
    take on the role of a “santa” — a saintly giver
    who fulfills children’s material wishes.

    But if your child’s wishes exceed what you believe
    you can or should fulfill, you might forget that you
    are *not* your child’s only means of satisfaction.
    In an abundant Universe, there’s an infinite number
    of ways any desire can be satisfied.

    This year, take the perspective that being a santa is
    just a “part-time hobby,” and that your “full-time
    job” is to HOLD THE VISION of your child eternally
    connected to Infinite Well-Being.

    In that vision, desire is a blessing, not a demand,
    so you can celebrate your child’s desires even when
    neither of you knows *how* the desires will be

    When you *expect* your child’s wishes to come true —
    somehow, someday — and your child can *feel* your
    faith… there is no greater gift!

  50.  #50Francesca on December 24, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Hello sirens, I’ve been reading the blog for a while now and could really need a bit of advice at the moment. I really value the knowledge and wisdom some of you have and trust that you will be able to help me with this issue.

    First things first, though. I have Rori’s ebook and I understand the logic behind it. I’ve been using the feeling messages with my boyfriend; some of them work, some don’t. I’m having difficulties getting him to get in touch with his feelings and sharing them with me. Sometimes, he seems very cold and it frustrates me. Overall, things are going all right and we are committed to each other. We’ve been together since March of this year.

    We were supposed to spend Christmas Eve together but unfortunately, his father had an accident last Thursday night and had to be taken to the hospital. Fortunately, he (his father) is ok and back in the nursing home as of today. The thing is I was waiting for my bf to call me because he was supposed to come and get me to go to his house but seeing as he called me at 3:30pm this afternoon, I thought it would be better if we waited until Monday night to see each other as I didn’t want him to drive any more than he already had to. I have to go to work on Monday morning anyway and it would’ve been to complicated and stressful for both of us. Today, he had to pick his father at the hospital in my hometown, then drive him back to the nursing home, then run to the drugstore to get pills, which were the wrong pills, then go back to the nursing home to get the right prescription and then go back to the drugstore to get right pills. All in all, it was all a big mess and at first, I misunderstood some information he gave me. In fact, I thought he was talking about the drugstore in my hometown while all the while, he was talking about a complete different one. His father is in a nursing home in one town, I’m in another one and my bf is in yet another one. I know it all sounds complicated and I hope you all understand what I’m saying. Furthermore, he has a Xmas dinner with his family tomorrow night.

    Fact is, I thought he was talking about the drugstore in my hometown (because the hospital is in my hometown) and asked him why he didn’t call me while he was waiting for the pills to be ready so that I could just walk down there and be with him. He told me he didn’t think about it. That kind of made me sad, as if I was not important enough for him to even think about calling me. He was kind of screaming at me but fortunately, I was able to get him to calm down (he tends to hyperventilate) and we finally were able to undertand each other. I asked him not to yell and was able to smooth things out.

    I told him I would really like him to be able to talk to me in a calm manner and not get mad at me because I’m missing some information, which he didn’t offer.

    I love my bf but I would like to know how to get him to open up more. He keeps things bottled up inside and then he gets all stressed out and starts lashing out at me. Don’t get me wrong though – he is not always doing that – it was the first time he acted that way since we’ve known each other. However, I can totally understand why, since he had been running around all morning for his father. I am also not trying to find faults or blame him for his behaviour, I only want to know how to get him to talk more and share what’s in his heart. He seems to have a hard time doing that.

    I know this is kind of a complicated story (no wonder I didn’t understand it myself!) and would not feel offended if you didn’t get half of it.

    I am in love my bf and I know he loves me too. He is a sweet man and we are totally happy to be together. He’s usually really easy to be with. We found each other late in life (we are in our mid-forties) and both think we are so lucky to have met. We even plan on living together in a year or so, once we get to know each other more.

    Please feel free to ask questions if you need to. I would really value your opinion/advice.

    Thank you.

  51.  #51Liz on December 24, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Thanks for all your great posts!

    Grown women is awesome.
    I love the part about loving being alone….
    it feels so delicious to be with me and feel angels all around.
    Keep up the great loving…, it’s what its all about….love me, the more i love me, the more i shine and the more people shine with me, it is so beautiful, i am in love with life…

    so sorry to hear that your friend passed away… is so hard to lose a friend:

    Here is a favorite poem of mine and I just said it for my friend who passed on two weeks ago…..

    Inscription for a Gravestone
    By Robinson Jeffers
    I am not dead, I have only become inhuman:
    That is to say,
    Undressed myself of laughable prides and infirmities,
    But not as a man
    Undresses to creep into bed, but like an athlete
    Stripping for the race.
    The delicate ravel of nerves that made me a measurer
    Of certain fictions
    Called good and evil; that made me contract with pain
    And expand with pleasure;
    Fussily adjusted like a little electroscope:
    That’s gone, it is true;
    (I never miss it; if the universe does,
    How easily replaced!)
    But all the rest is heightened, widened, set free.
    I admired the beauty
    While I was human, now I am part of the beauty.
    I wander in the air,
    Being mostly gas and water, and flow in the ocean;
    Touch you and Asia
    At the same moment; have a hand in the sunrises
    And the glow of this grass.
    I left the light precipitate of ashes to earth
    For a love-token.

  52.  #52Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    Aaron Neville – “Please Come Home For Christmas”

    From YouTube:
    “Aaron Neville – Please Come Home For Christmas
    From his 1993 album “Aaron Neville’s Soulful Christmas”. It was originally released in 1960, by the American blues singer and pianist Charles Brown. Too many artists to mention have covered it.”


  53.  #53Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 4:05 pm

  54.  #54Daria on December 24, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    my cat is acting so lovey with me laying on me, reaching up for kisses


    i feel loved

    and awed

    i wonder whats inspiring him to come close

  55.  #55Daria on December 24, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

    :: Patience vs. Presence ::

    The root of the word *patient* means “to endure.”
    Patience is normally seen as a kind of self-sacrifice
    in which one tolerates unpleasant conditions for
    prolonged periods.

    When you understand that self-sacrifice ultimately
    hurts both the self and the intended beneficiary, you
    have to wonder if patience is really “a virtue.”

    But what about parents who are truly calm, centered,
    and creative even when their children “misbehave” —
    aren’t they being patient?

    While bystanders may look at them and see patience,
    the parents themselves aren’t experiencing
    unpleasantness, much less “enduring” it. More likely
    they’re *enjoying* the creative process.

    Today, try replacing patience with *presence*.
    Be willing to be present with What Is, no matter what
    arises. Return frequently to your heart’s desire and
    let it inspire your actions.

    Others will call you patient, but you’ll just call
    it… happy. 🙂

  56.  #56Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    The Ronettes – “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

  57.  #57Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    @47: Esteemed

    Merry Christmas!

  58.  #58Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Running out but “Sound of Music” on TV and want to see that again too…

  59.  #59Kayla on December 24, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Yes, I know that circular dating can help me, but I do want to be in a relationship with a man who treats me right, he did treat me right.. We were just in a complicated situation and I did not know how to handle it at the moment, and I want to know how to handle it next time so that it can be fixed instead of resorting to me feeling so frustrated and upset that I break up with a man. Thank you soo much for your support and help(:

  60.  #60R.N.AmazingMe on December 24, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Hello beautiful sirens!! Wishing you all a blessed Christmas and New Year! One can only have faith that your new year will be better than the last and continue in a positive direction!! I have so much to be greatful for my family and my children! I have a great career and things are moving forward. I couldn’t ask for more in my life but if Santa wanted to bring me a nice young man to bless my life I wouldn’t be opposed 🙂

  61.  #61Aurora Girl on December 24, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    RN AmazingMe

    ..I hope your wish comes true……….I asked for this last year too….and it did indeed come true…….all I had to do was be ready and show up….and oh my gosh it can come true………..

    I’ll put in a good word for you when Santa drops by tonight….lol


  62.  #62Lizka on December 24, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    27 –

    Woooow! I love the poem! Who wrote it? Ella? It’s amazing.

    Reading made me feel thoughtfull of wich one I am… I think I am getting more and more a grown woman. Still have some things to work on but I would say Im at 90%. 🙂 very proud of me.

    “GIRLS are afraid to be alone.
    GROWN WOMEN revel in it – using it as a time for personal growth.”

    This is one that characterizes me the most. I am there. For the first time since I am dating (so since Im 14..?), I am not afraid to be alone. Men are not steping up too much these days and for the first time, I feel happy about it and I feel like I am just making my life more beautiful and getting ready for the One.

    Rori, I’ve been on this blog for anout two months now and this is the best thing that happenes to me this year. I started 2011 with issues in my relationship with P, I read your ebooj and I came here to learn how to fix it, and I am ending the year with something even better, love of myself and I have learn to stop focusing on him (or on any man) and to let him go and stay open to other men. I feel so happy about that. Thank you Rori for this wonderfull place and these wonderfull tools you gave us. For 2012, I made the promise to myself to get “Modern Siren” and to keep working on my siren’s skills.

    Also thank you to all the wonderful people I have meet here and who have help me to go through all this. I am not perfect yet but coming from so far and this is moatly bexause of your help and support. Thank you Dominique, Femininewoman, Butterfly Wing, Ella, Liz, Starla, Daria, Tiffany, Mel, Lili, Aurora, SLV, Esteemed, Zara, Tenny, Uilli, Lilibelly, Crystal eyes an sorry for the one I might have forget but who read me and gave me good advices in the last months.

    Thank you to all of you and may you have all a magic Christmas with your love ones.


  63.  #63tenny on December 24, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    Merry Christmas!!!

    Love the post and the beautiful tree Rori!!

    This sexy sassy siren is feeling sleepy, but typing gingerly as my nails dry.

    No CDs tonight. I wanted to spend it in a different way – no man required. Going to friends house close by for a quick little party and secret santa, then back home for some much need rest before tomorrow’s festivities. A brand new me spending life’s special moments in a brand new way. Yea for me!!!

  64.  #64R.N.AmazingMe on December 24, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    Thanks Aurora Girl I appreciate your thoughts and faith 🙂 You know you just get to the point where things are ok in your life you feel much healthier mentally and just ready for him….the one who loves you the way you love him. Makes you smile without trying and opens his heart and protects you. I am so in love with that man where ever he is…lol Blessings sirens..Good Night and Merry Christmas to all of you deserving and beautiful people!

  65.  #65Kayla on December 24, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    I feel so lonely lately.. and I feel like crying ):
    I feel like barely any men have been wanting anything to do with me lately.. And I feel like the ones that do, aren’t interested enough to want to get to know me more.. I’ve never had the problem of getting men to pay attention to me, and now all of a sudden it’s like I have no men paying attention to me.. It makes me feel not attractive even though most of my life I have heard that I am very attractive. This has been going on for me ever since I broke up with my last bf.. I feel upset and confused and scared that this will keep happening… This is a horrible feeling and I feel so down:/ right before Christmas too.. I know that I will eventually have a man coming for me but what if it’s only one?? How am I supposed to circular date if I only have one man to CD, or worse, which is the case right now… No men): I feel hopeless right now.. Someone please cheer me up..

    I feel unimportant to every man right now, so far Rori’s tools and newsletters have helped me a great deal in feeling confident and they even went so far into me getting the relationship I wanted, for a while at least, but ever since my last REAL relationship (well it felt real to me) ended I have felt myself slipping into my old patters and feeling pretty unhappy and unconfident and always second guessing myself. . . I have tried feeling my feelings, and for a while sometimes they work, but it’s only a matter of time until I’m back to feeling upset and lonely and scared again… I have tried telling myself that I am the prize to win and that if a man wants me then he should show me that he wants me, but lately no men have been stepping up to the plate. . . And what’s even worse is that when my relationship ended with both of my most recent exes, they have had NO contact with me at all… It feels like they don’t care and I feel soo unimportant. . . It makes it very hard to not want to lean forward. Someone please tell me, will this feeling go away?? And is this feeling happening to anybody else, and is it normal?? Am I sending off a bad vibe to every man?

  66.  #66elle_emm on December 24, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    i feel tense and sad because my parents hate each other. you can feel it when they’re in the same room.

    i don’t want this to happen in my own life. i want to heal this man vs woman thing that’s been happening for generations…i want christmas to be fun and to feel good. i don’t want to spend it alone with my parents. i feel sad and like a teenager that this is where i am again this year…my friends are with their husbands and kids and i’m here with my parents who hate each other.

    i feel scared that things will never change. and that there are no men i will be attracted to out there who will treat me well and want to claim me forever. none of my cds asked me to do anything over the holidays. i feel a bunch of panic in my chest.


    but now i feel happy because i had a whole day to work out and get out in the sunshine and the snow was pretty and it was sunny and warm for december. i am excited that i got to play guitar for two hours and do ear training. i am happy i have so much at my disposal to learn music and get better at guitar. i am actually quite spoiled!

    ha…just hanging out at the carnival of emotions.

    merry christmas eve!

  67.  #67Silver-Tongued Siren on December 24, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    590: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    583 silver tongued

    “***The biological father’s name will be added in the future.***
    I feel curious to know why not now.”

    the biological father’s name hasn’t been yet added because I haven’t added it. When I do we will have to go through a couple of processes, one being to get a required dna test (which he will be paying for, he is completely open to this because he wants his name on the birth certificate. As one would expect, since without it he has no (legal) rights.

    “I feel curious to know what has a parenting plan got to do with the baby being his and his duty being to put his name on the birth certificate and to protect him financially and emotionally and physically even if you don’t sign the parenting plan.”

    I was just mentioning that I notice he seems concerned about protecting himself. He seems concerned that I will not be fair, or will not follow my word (but yes things do change sometimes, and he would like for us to have it to look back at and say “see, we wrote that we were going to do it this way”, also he pointed out that if he ever was not fair I could always take the papers and file them (… sounds like he is setting it up so if *I* am not fair, he can file them. lol.)

    But yes, you’re right. Parenting plan is great but that doesn’t take care of the baby!
    Let’s get it moving! We will. I have faith in him.
    I am so sad that I still haven’t heard from him at all.
    I don’t know what he’s thinking, and I wish I did, but it’s not my job to figure that out. If he wants to contact me, he will. And he will at some point. I just hope he reconciles this all with himself so he can “forgive” me, since he feels so hurt. I miss him and I would really like to spend new years with him.

  68.  #68Alicia on December 24, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    I feel very thankful for the Holiday season becuase in the most cold and dreary of seasons it forces you to give, and get out and think of others. I would be other wise hibernating and possible isolating into my peaceful little habitat…

    However, although all the leave in the trees have fallen and the air is cold and brisk yet we see lights on the houses and trees full of sparkle and plug into life, we come out of our own shell and reach out to others.

    I believe it is perfectly calculated that Christmas is in the dead of winter and we celebrate life. Even if it means pushing thru our “stuff/ triggers” to get us into spring.

  69.  #69Esteemed on December 24, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    Tonight with R was magical!! It is already the best Christmas of my entire life!

    Nothing happened beyond friendship, but it was happy and smilkey! He smiled and laughed a lot!

    Too tired to write more!

    Merry Christmas, everyone!

  70.  #70Butterfly Wings on December 24, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Merry Christmas everybody! I hope you’re having (or you’re about to have) a fantastic day!

    It’s almost dinner time here and I doubt I’ll be able to eat anything, although TH’s sister made a delish raspberry and chocolate truffle which tasted divine and she gave us a huge slice to bring home. I think I hear it calling me…. 😉

    His mother was there too and she is just so lovely! We had the best afternoon!

    My morning was wonderful with my two girls here, and both were extremely happy with their gifts and we had some good quality time together, even if it wasn’t long enough.

    A fantastic day overall! xxx

  71.  #71Butterfly Wings on December 24, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    813 Esteemed (from prev thread) – Please forgive me if somebody else has already responded (I’m still catching up). My feeling is that walking away, even though it’s probably the smartest thing for you to do, is not necessarily something you’re going to be able to do easily.

    So my suggestion is to put him on the back of your horse and leave him there until he earns the privilege to move to the front! So CDing it is for you! 😉

    As for how to talk to him, if you felt disappointed that he did not go to church, tell him so. But again keep in mind that no promises were made, so he really can’t be made “wrong” in this case. This is purely about you and how you felt, and as hard as it is to do, you’ve got to take your focus right off his actions (or lack of) and focus on how YOU feel.

    Forget his actions. It’s your feelings that matter most here. If you feel bad, yes it’s fine to express that, but what are you going to do to protect yourself in the future? Stay solely focused on him? I hope not. xxx

    And I’m not sure he’s purposely hurting you – I am thinking he’s just the way he is. He is mentally ill of course, so that’s probably a huge factor there. Whether that will (or even can) change at all, who knows? But are you really prepared to continue to feel like you do in the meantime? He may never change and that is something you need to consider here.

    As Rori said in I think one of her programs or a post somewhere, it’s not about making him wrong, but more about whether you want that in your life or not.

    What do you think? xx

  72.  #72Butterfly Wings on December 25, 2011 at 12:12 am

    Oops it seems I was a bit late Esteemed! But remember, your focus MUST move away from him to keep him coming toward you! TRUST ME! Sending love your way… xxx

  73.  #73Butterfly Wings on December 25, 2011 at 12:15 am

    Oh I didn’t mention what I received from TH today! He told me the other day that my new dress was my Christmas present, and based on how much that cost, I was totally happy with that!

    Well… it seems he couldn’t help himself! lol

    I am now the proud owner of a 1/2 carat white gold and diamond pendant! OMG! It’s in the shape of a flower, and has lots of diamonds all over it. It is absolutely beautiful and I am feeling so very spoilt right now.

    Is this what receiving is supposed to feel like? OMG I LOVE IT!!!!! 😀

  74.  #74Silver-Tongued Siren on December 25, 2011 at 1:09 am

    Merry Christmas, everyone!!! I hope you are all feeling loved and blessed and warm and cozy!

    I am in Partner’s family’s town right now, visiting his adoptive mom and brother. We have had a lovely trip and a great day, opened a present for Christmas Eve, I got a very pretty black blouse from his mom. The trip has been good overall. One of my girlfriends and her boyfriend came over tonight before they go back out of state. Partner has been kind and open today, we had a great ride here laughing a lot, and no arguments today at all. Well except this morning when I got hurt at his critical approach to why I hadn’t already packed, but he APOLOGIZED for it! And then waited patiently!

    I am feeling really sad right now, I probably “shouldn’t” be thinking about it. But I really miss Father-of-Baby. I really wish I could tell him so, but I think calling/texting him ANYthing would be leaning forward since he didn’t answer/return my last two calls/texts.

    sigh. if only he would call and say … let’s be happy! and send me money to take the train or something so I could spend part of christmas with him.

    sad sad sad…
    but think it will be worse if I call or text him…
    better think of something else to do, quick….

  75.  #75Laughing Goddess on December 25, 2011 at 1:19 am

    Thought Power – Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

    By Tania Kotsos

    Thought power is the key to creating your reality. Everything you perceive in the physical world has its origin in the invisible, inner world of your thoughts and beliefs. To become the master of your destiny, you must learn to control the nature of your dominant, habitual thoughts. By doing so, you will be able to attract into your life that which you intend to have and experience as you come to know the Truth that your thoughts create your reality.

    For Every Outside Effect There is an Inner Cause: Every effect you see in your outside or physical world has a specific cause which has its origin in your inner or mental world. This is the essence of thought power. Put another way, the conditions and circumstances of your life are as a result of your collective thoughts and beliefs. James Allen said it best when he said “circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him”. Every aspect of your life, from the state of your finances to the state of your health and your relationships, is accurately revealing your thoughts and your beliefs.

    It’s an Inside Job: Most people have it back to front, believing that they feel or think a certain way because of their circumstances, not knowing the truth that it is their thought power that is creating those very circumstances, whether wanted or unwanted. By internalizing and applying this Truth, that your thoughts create your reality, you will grant yourself the power to create the changes you want to see manifest in your life. Reality creation is an inside job.

  76.  #76Ella on December 25, 2011 at 2:10 am

    Merry Christmas Everyone!

    Have a GREAT day.



  77.  #77Laughing Goddess on December 25, 2011 at 2:28 am

    The Secret to Effortless Detachment
    By Tania Kotsos

    Detachment from the outcome you want to experience is vital to creating your ideal reality. To be attached is to live in the fear that what you want will not materialise and traps you in a continuous state of desire. Attachment to any thing or any one turns love into fear and belief into doubt. In contrast, faith allows you to detach yourself from the outcome and transforms your desires into your choice.

    Attachment is Giving Away Your Power: The instant you attach yourself to a specific person’s actions or words or to a certain outcome, you give your power away to external forces and circumstances. In effect, you give away your power to create your own reality. To be attached to any thing or to any one is to tell yourself that you are somehow incomplete without that person, thing or event in your life. In so doing you fail to see the divine perfection in what is, as it is. Instead, you create within yourself a desperate need to control the process and a sense of doubt as to whether what you want will manifest. Attachment breeds doubt and as Khalil Gibran said: “Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother”.

  78.  #78Daria on December 25, 2011 at 2:53 am

    Wow I just had a super nice date!another ‘perfect’ one – w a different guy! Yay me an my vibe

  79.  #79Daria on December 25, 2011 at 2:56 am

    Why is life so good? I love it that life feels good.

    That I can take a nap in a new dates lap and not be imposing on his time and heal my anxiety around that.

  80.  #80Daria on December 25, 2011 at 3:04 am

    Elle emm – using intention Abraham style and also the chakra tapping Margaret lynch stuff is helping me manifest a different reality with seeing my parents relationship – ie healing everything.

    I want to play guitar, someone was yeaterday – what is ear training? What resources do u use?

  81.  #81Liz on December 25, 2011 at 4:24 am

    Merry Christmas everyone!

    Thank-you Laughing Goddess for the detachment link. I read it and am going to do a walking meditation at the Audubon Center for Christmas morning and practice feeling detached……I feel so excited to lose my attachment to accountantCD and transform that into free will and quiet faith…..”This or something better, universe” This post is a great Christmas gift.

  82.  #82Aurora Girl on December 25, 2011 at 4:26 am

    63 Kayla

    …..such a sweet siren are you…….yes! it is getting better….inch by inch…..

    “….am I sending off a bad vibe to every man?” well what matters is that you are sending that bad vibe to you! I feel kindred to you in that I can recall feeling that way…sometimes I do once in a while too but it doesn t last as long any more…..

    I think the saying “change the way you look at things and the things you look at change”…is so true and so helpful in these moments. I know Wayne Dyer uses this often and it helps me a lot. Even when I am with my friends or my sweety I feel the “funk” that comes with my thoughts that I have no voice…that’ I’m invisible…that I’m not attractive….” I know they are me and the negative voices in my head..

    But they aren’t true…..I think when we understand that and REMEMBER that (even in the dark moments) it makes all the difference in the world…

    Kayla what if you do a little experiment…Rori often supporst exploring…experimenting…and set your radar to notice any little thing that a person does for you….a man opening a door for you…..the man who delivers the mail…..noticing any little thing that men do for you counts….nothing can be discarded…..and watch what happens….they are everywhere….and the more we open to them doing the little things…the more the ones show up that want to do the bigger things (spend time with us….say something sweet to us…)….

    I think this gets healed inch by inch….heart opening slightly…then opening some more…..

    You are loved……let it in…… 🙂


  83.  #83Aurora Girl on December 25, 2011 at 4:29 am


    #75 LG’s post also works here……I love those words about attachment….thank you LG….

    it’s true….keep the focus on you…..let all love in and let it go…….inch by inch…..let it go….and watch what happens!

  84.  #84Femininewoman on December 25, 2011 at 4:40 am

    LG thanks for the reminders

    Kayla my heart feels for you. Keep the faith that things are changing and as Aurora suggests keep noticing those little signs of love all over the Universe coming at you.

    Blessings and good wishes to all during this season of peace and happiness.

  85.  #85~ Violet ~ on December 25, 2011 at 4:57 am

    @ 63. Kayla…


    I read what you wrote and empathize with where you are coming from.

    As a matter of fact, it could very well have been written by me because I felt the exact same way.

    I don’t claim to have all the answers, and I never will. The single best thing I did for myself was ‘give up’ on investing precious time and energy into being sought out by men.

    Now, I ‘date’ myself. I’ve heard and read from different sources to create the reality I want, but not to invest in the outcome of any particular situation. Anything that happens is taken as a learning process.

    This isn’t to say that I don’t feel ‘alone’. I had/have the same emotions as you expressed and deal with them the best way I can.

    For me, it came down to a matter of priorities. Me having a man in my life is not a necessity. It is a desire to share the best part of myself with someone who wants the same thing and makes an equal effort.

    I don’t know if what I’ve written helps any. I just want you to be aware that there is someone out there in the same boat.

    ~ Violet ~

  86.  #86Senior Lady Vibe on December 25, 2011 at 6:14 am

    On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

    …twelve drummers drumming (…to their own beats)

    …eleven sirens singing…
    …ten frogs a-leaping…
    …nine bloggers blogging…
    …eight e-mails waiting…
    …seven skirts a-flipping…
    …six guys a-texting…

    …fifty-five soulmate rinnngggggs!!!

    …four calling cards…
    …three fine men…
    …two Starbucks coffees…

    and a Rori Raye new video to see.

    “Twelve Days of Christmas”

    A very merry Christmas to everyone.

  87.  #87Senior Lady Vibe on December 25, 2011 at 6:23 am

    Tee hee. 😆

    Turned on “Yule log” (hokey I know but I like it…) and listening to Christmas songs as getting ready for traditional Christmas breakfast/brunch… both because it lasts that long…

    Also I see “Christmas Story” on again as another TV marathon. Is there anyone who hasn’t seen this movie? If you haven’t go watch it! It’s hilarious!!! LOL

  88.  #88Rose on December 25, 2011 at 6:27 am

    Thank you for this gorgeous post Rori…It made me feel so uplifted..

    Feeling happy and grateful, feeling in the best place I have ever felt about myself in my life..Knowing it will only get better..

    Wishing all my beautiful goddess ladies here a Merry Christmas Happy Holidays!!!

    Anxiously waiting for my little boy to wake up and see his expression of all the gifts Santa left..


  89.  #89Rose on December 25, 2011 at 6:39 am

    #53 Loving these parenting article Daria, thank you they resonate with me..Thank you..<3

  90.  #90elle_emm on December 25, 2011 at 10:37 am

    @ daria 77:

    thanks for the tips re: parents. so stressful!!

    ear training is teaching yourself to identify intervals, scales, chords and chord changes and single notes just by hearing.

    i am a semi-professional guitar player (that feels weird and exciting to say!), but i’ve never taken any formal ear training, so i’m devoting an hour a day to it. i use a website called ‘theta music trainer’ that uses little games to train your ears. it’s really fun.

    i take lessons with a pro player, but until a year ago i was mostly self-taught. guitar magazines are helpful and so are books and of course sitting down and figuring out your fave songs, which is frustrating but really rewarding when you unravel a song. and there are a tonne of videos on youtube that are awesome if you are just starting out. this one looks pretty good:

    playing electric guitar is awesome, especially when you get up in front of a crowd. i play heavier music and plugging into my amp makes me feel really juicy and sexy.

  91.  #91Daria on December 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

    yeah i woke up to my parents fighting

    it feels like my guts are twisting and chills/heat up my back, especially in teh morning just waking up i feel vulnerable and open

    it feels horrible

    i just do rosa stop sign, and keep telling myself this is healing , its healing. and make up scenarios of how this is healing, like them learning to communicate in babysteps

  92.  #92Liz on December 25, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Hi Daria

    Hugs to you that you heard your parents fighting…..

    Ground and know that your are safe, you are an adult and their fights don’t affect your safety.


  93.  #93Daria on December 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

    thank you for the ear training and guitar resources… am checking them out!

    plugging in to the electric amp sounds like it would feel thrilling and cool

  94.  #94Daria on December 25, 2011 at 11:25 am

    thanks Liz – yeah it feels icky in the morning coming up from dreams im in alpha state and the tones get inside and twist my 2nd and 3rd chakra areas

    i love me

    it feels good to know i have the power to keep on choosing healing

  95.  #95Daria on December 25, 2011 at 11:55 am

    wow the fighting is getting loud and to the poitn… its good taht they’re airing stuff out…

    this is healing


    it feels so SCARY!!

  96.  #96Ice Princess on December 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    I’m tired of feeling like I am hidden in his world from everyone and everything. I know that I create this feeling that it probably isnt true but i cant shake it. My heart is so sad when it should be so happy. I feel like everything is wrong in my world and I don’t want to live another year like this. I’ve tried so hard to change and grow but I’m not so sure I will ever be happy even if I had everything I think I want.

  97.  #97Ice Princess on December 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    I also feel bad because LP told me that my mind is a scary place when I told him I was processing and trying to be okay with something. Truth is he is right . I hate the way I feel and think about a lot of stuff. I wish I was like a computer and could program the right feelings in.

  98.  #98Kayla on December 25, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Thank you everyone soo much for your love and support (:

    Today my most recent ex im’d me on facebook. . He asked how I was doing and I told him that I was doing good. He asked if I was still single or I threw him away that quick.. I told him that I was still single and he asked me if I wanted to fix it, I asked what he meant and he said that he wanted to hang out as friends and get to know eachother better.. I told him that I would like to get to know eachother more but that I knew it wouldn’t be about being friends and that I feel like it would be more complex than that.. He asked how and told me to text him… I told him that I felt like there would be a bunch of emotions involved, and this was a hard decision, but I decided to try something new and text him because he asked me to, so I texted him and said hey, he texted back with a hey and a 🙂 I asked what’s up? he said that he just got done with work.. I told him that I feel like I should try something new and see where it takes me, be more open and vulnerable. But I’m not going to text a guy first unless I know for a fact that he wants me to. He sent me a text before I got to send that one and it if I wanted him, because he wants me. I texted back and said I do want you… He texted back and said Good cuz i want you 🙂 and I’m glad you’re trying new things(:.. I just said yeah.. He said are you scared babe? I said well I’m not used to it and it feels different, but I just want to see where it takes me. He said Yeah I can understand that. At least you’re taking a leap of faith(: I won’t let you down Kayla..

    I feel soo open and vulnerable right now, It feels scary but at the same time I feel excited to see where it takes me(: I know I will be okay no matter where this road takes me.. What do you sirens think about this? Merry Christmas Sirens, have a great day and thank you so much for your support.


  99.  #99mali on December 25, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    You know, I read this post and I felt like crying.
    It’s yet another Christmas- one of setting more resolutions, of hoping things will be even better next year. But this feeling of sadness of not being in a relationship is with me. And I’m scared. Scared that I won’t find a person who, when I was younger, I thought I’d find. Things would so much simpler for me if I found somoene who was Muslim and from my community. But if I don’t, if I DO end up with somoene who isn’t from my community, who maybe isn’t even Muslim… it’ll mean a lot of struggling and fights, and courage.

    I’m feeling scared! And my body feels heavy, and I’m hating that feeling 🙁

  100.  #100elle_emm on December 25, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    ugh. my parents are fighting too. it makes me feel sick, i do not want to be around them. it makes me sad.

  101.  #101Daria on December 25, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    my family is all in good spirits now


    feels good

    ‘its healing its healing’

  102.  #102Daria on December 25, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Ice Princess – hugs! you CAN! babysteps…

    we’re all in there with you, reprogramming and healing…

  103.  #103April Rose on December 25, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    “We are all teetering at a transition, looking for meaning to drop into our lives. Allow it to tip in. It will.”

    Yes please

  104.  #104Daria on December 25, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    wooo ladies the days are getting longer… the meaning fills in… yum

  105.  #105April Rose on December 25, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Dear Rori,

    I am struggling with my situation. Any insight of yours would be most welcome.
    I have been living with a man and being exclusive for three years now. But since discovering you and your programmes I feel the desire to circular date and choose the man that I feel the best with.
    This sentence from your e-book ‘Make Him Fall for You’ was what spoke to me:
    “I got that I actually could “choose” a
    man – not just get swept along after my chemical

    I told my man that I want to keep my options open. He got angry and said “why don’t you just dump me”?
    I told him he had as good a chance as any man! The next day he bought me flowers.

    I meet men all the time, and I really want one with whom I’d feel very happy.

    I’d feel bad and kind of weird though, asking them to pick me up from where I live, when I’m already living with someone.
    Can I make the man I live with into ‘one of my options’ without actually moving out? Although ideally I would like to move out as soon as practically possible (it’s tricky – we both live and work in a charity building as volunteers).

    I know I need Targeting Mr Right. But I just bought Love Scripts on special offer. Money is tight right now.

    Thank you for all the wonder and ease you’ve brought into my life through your programs, e-mails and blog. I feel so good working with your Tools.

  106.  #106Daria on December 25, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    i finally found out last nite what dub step was…

    i thought it was that D C go go dance…

  107.  #107VW on December 25, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Mali #97:

    I’ve been waiting on you to share this heaviness and limitations…

    This takes a lot of courage…u are now beginning to open up the “can of worms”…for being released…and healed…

    It is scary indeed…I was you in many ways…:) wished I had the tools and awareness I have now…:) but oh, well…

    I feel joyous through your healing and your youthful success…and hope to be there for u each step of the way…

    Warm hugs,

  108.  #108Daria on December 25, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    April Rose – can you make him into one of your options without moving out… yes you can!

    keep telling yourself you’re worthy and deserve anything you want, and your desires are good (when you feel triggered around other men picking you up)


  109.  #109elle_emm on December 25, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    daria, one of my CDs introduced me to dub step too!

  110.  #110Daria on December 25, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    someo f hte dub step dancing Does look like gogo dance or evne like bay area turf dance

    heres the go go dancers

  111.  #111Ice Princess on December 25, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Thanks Daria! For some reason just writing it here, feeling it, and crying it out seemed to help today. 🙂

  112.  #112ulii on December 25, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    With a little delay:
    Marry Christmas to Rori & all wonderful Sirens around here! I feel blessed to have this blog, which feels a warm and refreshing community.

    A little video here which remains me of Siren song..:) Enjoy this holiday time.

  113.  #113elle_emm on December 25, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    just ordered love scripts! i feel so excited to try it! eee!

  114.  #114Ella on December 25, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    On my own for Xmas.

    Feels weird.

    And kinda ok.

  115.  #115elle_emm on December 25, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    just started watching LS. i feel so excited. rori looks really lovely. and she’s holding a magic wand. 🙂 awesome.

  116.  #116Esteemed on December 25, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Merry Christmas !

  117.  #117VW on December 25, 2011 at 5:57 pm


    Wow, thank you for the wonderful wishes and for the beautiful song 🙂

    I recall something about you being from Eston*ia, right? The language and culture appears close to Swedi*sh…or maybe I am wrong..:)

    A wonderful holiday to you as well 🙂

    warm hugs,

  118.  #118VW on December 25, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    My ex bf “J” sent me a beautiful note last nite wishing me a wonderful Christmas…along with a beautiful song…

    I felt touched and sooo appreciative…I also feel happy I no longer have any anger and resentment towards him…

    He’s been sending quite a few lately 🙂

    Wow, what a year of healing could do to one person…Rori is soo right…the change of only one person can change the dynamic of the entire relationship (any shape/form – friendship, romantic…etc.)

  119.  #119liz on December 25, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Well, I stayed detached pretty well all day about accountant CD. I went to the woods and hung out by my favorite brook and spoke my intentions out loud about it. I asked for the universe to give me accountant CD or something better and felt really strong about that I wanted to be honored and respected and my feelings cherished before I allow him or another man the honor of penetrating me… felt so good and validating….and then when another day went by without hearing from him, I started to feel desperate. Then just now when i came on the blog, your comments helped me feel more comfortable okay to ask for what I want, a relationship not just sex. Is this what happens when you say how you feel or what you want, you feel really terrible after, because it feels unsafe and different?
    Just making those intentions this morning made me feel really vulnerable, since I really stuck up for myself and I am not sure if I will be valued…..

    Did I do the right thing? I want to have sex with him so bad, when I read an email from him I practically hyperventilate, I feel so turned on…..maybe that is just desire, instead of just calmly knowing that it is already here for me and I just have to be open to receiving it. And I want to do things with him and walk in the woods and talk to him and share time with him and have him come help me with my windows in my apt, since they don’t close all the way and it is getting cold…..

    Anyway, I feel warm from my fun christmas dinner with old friends. And feel validated to spend time on the blog with new friends who understand this particular situation.

    Glad to hear you are talking with your guy….

  120.  #120Esteemed on December 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm


    RE: #70 – Thanks! I’ll do my best!

  121.  #121tenny on December 25, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    I leaned forward a little bit.

    I hate my weakness – I went mushy, I went into an old habit mode and then I leaned forward.

    Practice, practice practice

    I have a new CD. Think I’ll call him CDtennis. Ooooohh, we connected.

    Treat them all equally, treat them all equally

    I love my neediness
    I love my weakness

    I realized I leaned forward immediately

    I have to learn to practice practice practice NOT leaning forward.

    I love my learning process

    I love being a siren

    I feel good connecting CDtennis

    I feel anxious about meeting CDtennis because I feel I like him

  122.  #122Femininewoman on December 25, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    April Rose this is from a Rori newsletter

    “As long as you seem happy to see him and tell him how much you enjoy his company, a man will keep coming back for more. Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention. When he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn’t need to pursue him, he will be encouraged to step up his game so another man doesn’t beat him to the chase.

    Once you are in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you. He will adore you and appreciate you, and you will be able to relax in the knowledge that you are a desirable creature he’d be a fool to take for granted.”

  123.  #123Emerson on December 25, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    120 FW
    This is the mistake I made with Recycled.

    He was so triggering to me I could not control my emotions and I know it drove him away,

    I also know it’s probably for the best that he’s not in the picture for me, and I feel like I learned from it too.

    Still feel kinda sad though because I miss him sometimes.

    Also who knows if he would have EVER stepped up.

    Perhaps not.

  124.  #124Emerson on December 25, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    85 SLV
    I like it 🙂

  125.  #125Silver-Tongued Siren on December 25, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    Laughing Goddess – thanks for the links about detachment etc.

    Aurora. I like your idea about noticing every little thing that men do for you!

    Daria – love the parenting stuff. I may post something later on that I was starting to post last night. Parenting situation I am having a difficult time with.

  126.  #126Silver-Tongued Siren on December 25, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Father-of-Baby texted me this morning, 8:30am. “Merry Christmas” …. I later texted back, “I feel like it could be merrier. I feel disappointed that we didn’t talk. I feel misunderstood. I feel sad.” “Of course I wish you a Merry Christmas too. Let’s be happy, when can we talk, what do you think?”..

    No idea if that was a good feeling message or if I screwed it up right away sharing negative feelings instead of maybe saying “Merry Christmas, I’d love to hear from you”? .. Oh well.

    By this evening, I couldn’t take it anymore, I gave in and called him, once on each phone (he has two, not always sure which he’s using). No answer. 🙁 (duh). I feel angry with myself a little bit for giving in.

    I feel SO sad. I feel angry. This is NOT how I would like to deal with issues in the future when something upsets him. And now I feel like he’s punishing me by ignoring me. Maybe he’s just thinking. But it doesn’t feel good. I REALLY hoped we would spend NYE together, esp since Partner is going to SF. Again. sigh.

    I would like to create a lovely start to my new year, which includes Father-of-Baby, but … I don’t feel like I can ask him to spend it with me, or do anything to resolve this situation because it would be leaning forward, unless he is the initiator of it all. I am not clear on that but I believe that seems correct.

    I intend to have a reliable, considerate, empathetic partner, who takes care of me, who responds maturely, resolves things as immediately as possible, makes it clear that they want me involved in their life EVERY day, and loves doing things together consistently. A partner to whom *sharing life* is part of what makes it so enjoyable – a best friend who wants to share it all.

    I had an Akashic reading recently, …. being very unclear about things lately, with so many big events in life in the last few years, and now. I was told to pray a releasing prayer given to me for 19 days, and around day 10 (Dec 29) some new information would come to light that would help me in my decision.. but do not make the decision yet, as there is more …

    Then within 2-3 months, a new bit will come up that seems like the answer to my prayers. Whatever I decide, will be alright for now, even if I decide to change my decision later. Something like that…

    I am so curious and anticipating what it is…

  127.  #127April Rose on December 26, 2011 at 1:36 am

    Thanks Daria
    Thanks FW

    This whole ‘choosing a man’ possibility is what feels thrilling to me. I’ve always got together with whoever came along, trusting that fate brought this man to me.

    Having a choice feels exciting.

  128.  #128April Rose on December 26, 2011 at 1:45 am

    The man I live with loves me and is a good hard-working man. But there are things I miss, that he doesn’t do. Things that I really want – like an interest in ME that lasts for more than ten seconds at a time.

    I miss that lovely cosy/exciting/safe feeling of ‘us two’ that I’ve experienced in other romantic situations.

  129.  #129April Rose on December 26, 2011 at 1:57 am

    Still trying to find words to express my frustration.

    It’s like for him there is ‘him’ and ‘me’, but no ‘us’. So hard to describe. But the feeling for me is one of starvation. I want to feel nourished in a relationship.

  130.  #130Daria on December 26, 2011 at 2:22 am

    thank you Daria for doing the Chinese Deer Exercise for me

    i feel nourished and calm now

    i felt nauseous at times

    from teh sexual energy over the full stomach digestion energy

    love to me

    wow i really Do feel nice and Whole

  131.  #131Daria on December 26, 2011 at 2:23 am

    no “driving force” driving me to cravings. maybe its adrenal depletion. and now ive nourished it

    love to me.

    feeling sleepy.

    feeling intersted and open to sex, but not desperate or needy now


    i feel like ive been given what i wanted!

    how nice


    its just getting better!




  132.  #132ulii on December 26, 2011 at 2:44 am

    RE VW 115

    I’m glad you liked the song. The one your ex sent you is really nice too.

    Yes I’m from Estonia. Culturally (and physically) quite close to Sweden yes, although the language is different…:)

    Hugs to you!

  133.  #133liz on December 26, 2011 at 3:07 am

    Good morning sirens,


    I have a question about having boundaries. Why does it feel so scary? It feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar and I don’t know myself here yet…..

  134.  #134mali on December 26, 2011 at 4:11 am

    Mali #97:

    I’ve been waiting on you to share this heaviness and limitations…

    This takes a lot of courage…u are now beginning to open up the “can of worms”…for being released…and healed…

    It is scary indeed…I was you in many ways…:) wished I had the tools and awareness I have now…:) but oh, well…

    I feel joyous through your healing and your youthful success…and hope to be there for u each step of the way…

    Warm hugs,


    I feel so much appreciation, and happy, and safe in reading your post. It feels so scary stepping out on my own… when I abandoned my course in Pharmacy after two years, I had to face a lot of sadness and anger at home, and it felt so bad… I know that I’m very courageous, but in that situation, I really had to not only trust my instincts, but also follow through with them, despite seeing how much pain it was causing my parents…

    I felt guilty for causing them so much pain. Especially for my mother who lives through me, and who wants me to be “perfect”.

    With all of this comes the fear of being abandoned by my family, even disowned- I always have to bear that in mind. Because these decisions don’t just take into account mine or my family’s opinions, but also those of the community, as the reputation of my family will be affected too.

    It feels really scary. and so I feel like their love for me is conditional. And that is the root of fear of intimacy for me. Because I closed off from them emotionally as a child, I find it difficult to truly depend on another person… I’m very sensitive and really love lots of affection.

    But on the otherhand, I’ve always known that I’ve seen the world differently. I’m much wiser for my age, quite spiritual. And so, although part of me hopes that I can find a partner from my community (I know that some could well be compatible with me… and even so, I may be surprised. Maybe they’re actually not as close minded as I think… Maybe I can flip this…), a big part of me is telling me that it would be far too easy for that to happen.

    I don’t know if that is my wisdom, or intuition talking, or that I’m just being realistic or sceptical (?) But it wouldn’t surprise me if I ended up with a man who loved me- for ME- who was not from my own community.

    And the fact that the majority of my friend are- forget not from my community- but are also not even asian; many aren’t even Muslim, tells me that I don’t feel comfortable with my community. I feel judged. Maybe I can heal that…

    But VW, I can’t express how go good it feel to know that you are here. I just feel a lot more reassured, and it reminds me that I need to trust myself.

    Thankyou for all of your love and support, dear <3 Love you!

  135.  #135Ella on December 26, 2011 at 4:51 am

    I am feeling very icky today.

    I am feeling alone and tired, achy, full (of food).

    I have been feeling so needy these lsat few days. It is the fist Xmas I have not been with a man.

    I have my CDs and have resisted urges to lean forward with them… No one is being particularly step up atm except one who kinda turns me off 🙁

    Things to appreciate though are some nice texts from men wishing me Happy Christmas, an offer for a night out in the New Year with a guy I met, and then the champagne and silver bracelet that turn off CD bought me (we’ve only been on 2 dates and I feel very judgemental of him).

    Turn off CD is kinda rough and brisk. It makes me feel kinda stone cold somethimes. Yesterday I text him how I felt about his approach to me that morning when I was working and I felt guilty cus he had bought me all that stuff and wants to spend time with me, and I decided to be honest about how I felt, as this is what I do.

    This morning there is a missed call and voicemail from him but I don’t really want to listen to it. I don’t want to be around him, I want him to go away.

    And I feel badly about that too.

    Yesterday was ok during the day as I was working. And then in the evening we went to my married friend’s house and it was very family oriented, with the kids, and my friend and her husband and our Mum’s…

    It was ok for a bit and then it just got too much and I needed to get out. I don’t know what it is I just can’t do too much of that kind of stuff for long… I feel frustrated and unsatisfied and so uncomfortable I have to leave.

    I went to the pub and chatted to some people there and then I had to make a decision how my night was going to go.

    I could stay and drink or leave and take myself home.

    I knew I was going to feel lonely as soon as I left and I felt scared of my negative feelings, however I really wanted to choose to do something different and choose a healthy option.

    I left the pub.

    I felt lonely and sexually frustrated but ok.

    I feel really afraid of not being able to satisfy all my needs, especially for comfort, cuddling, sex and fun conversation/laughing.

    That stuff feels so good with a good man.

    And I feel afraid that no more of them will come anymore. Which is such a silly and illogical untruth.

    Love to me through this icky bit.

    And I feel proud just a little that I have chosen to be strong and alone rather than grabbing on to any man cus I feel needy and alone and its Xmas.

  136.  #136Ella on December 26, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Gosh I feel so heavy.

    I am just sitting here on the sofa feeling icky and grumpy and I don’t even feel like talking to men on POF.

    I feel unapprciative and antisocial and grouchy.

    And gruff.

  137.  #137Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Hi Liz I know exactly how you feel. When I was younger I did it based on what I was taught and unconsciously. As such they were broken on and off because there was lack of strength and understanding around them. Now that I have learned that boundaries are rules that I make up for myself and I have experimented with them even though at times I feel scared, the more I do them is the more I become comfortable practicing them. I have all kinds of fears that I was not aware of and the boundaries helped me to notice some. The boundaries put me somewhat out of my comfort zone but I have been able to expand myself as a result. My self-esteem has grown and I feel more comfortable in my own skin. More and more as I become clear on what I don’t want I have been magnitizing what I want in my life.

  138.  #138Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 6:01 am

    Ella I received this message from someone I am would not normally be attracted to “I am an outgoing, outspoken, loving romantic and very honest i will say about my self I was really hurt in my past when my Ex wife pick out but we need to forget about the past and face the future So someone close to me introduced me to this online dating stuff which i never believed it exist I joined this site some days ago and i have gone threw some women profile but all i have seen to far does not really thrill me. But when i got your profile , my heart misses a skip and it said stop So i just took a leap of faith to send you this message that you have a very loving and nice profile and i like all what you said about your self.I’m looking for a long time relationship,someone i can spend the rest of my life with and willing to do same too.I’m looking for a very honest, trustworthy, faithful, loyal,kind, loving, passionate, romantic and caring woman,Looking for someone who shares my love for the outdoors and related activities, quiet dinners, travel, and an open, honest, caring relationship,I am easy going and looking for a genuine woman who is passionate as i am ,sensual to the touch like me.I work out at the gym and am in good shape.I like going to the movies sometimes, out to eat and also love the home cooking and enjoy it together with someday”.

    I first read his profile because of the lack of attraction and realized I felt fear. He was very expressive about what he is looking for in a woman to the point that it triggered my old familiar feeling of needing to be perfect to be deserving. Then when I read the message I felt deeply moved particular because he said his heart said stop; when he read my profile. His message really gave me an opportunity to share a lot of I feel messages so I feel really appreciative of him. I feel I can relate from my higher self as a result, as if the possibility exist to really be and have what I want. My faith in getting it has been reinforced.

  139.  #139Ella on December 26, 2011 at 6:25 am

    FW thanks for your reply.

    I am not sure I understand. I feel confused.

    I just don’t want to be with my turn off CD.

    There is some fear, and I just feel turned off by him. I don’t want him 🙁

    I kinda wish I did cus of how much he wants me.

    But I can still practice FMs with him and be open and honest.

    I’m sure the opportunity to have what I want does exist.

    And I won’t force myself to be with someone.

    Gosh I am feeling really triggered around this situation with this guy… I feel afraid of ending up with someone I don’t really feel attracted to because he treats me well.

    And I just don’t want that.

    I don’t want to settle.

    I want the whole cake, feeling attracted AND being treated well.


    Feeling heavy around this but also kinda ok.


  140.  #140Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Ella it seems to me and I might be wrong, but everytime with a cd you seem to be focussed on landing the relationship and kind of assuming that this might be the one rather than just focussing on cdating to practice the tools and lift your vibe. Letting go of the attachment of making this “the one” might allow you to be open to just “dating” and practicing the tools. It might even free up energy to be able to say “no” and be able to slow things down to a pace where you can build up some comfort and safety. Things does not have to go according to his pace. I would feel eeeww around a lot of gifts early on as if he was trying to convince me of something. While I believe in receiving I want to be able to say I feel uncomfortable receiving a lot of gifts so early on.

  141.  #141Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Ella it seems to me and I might be wrong, but everytime with a cd you seem to be focussed on landing the relationship and kind of assuming that this might be the one rather than just focussing on cdating to practice the tools and lift your vibe. Letting go of the attachment of making this “the one” might allow you to be open to just “dating” and practicing the tools. It might even free up energy to be able to say “no” and be able to slow things down to a pace where you can build up some comfort and safety. Things does not have to go according to his pace. I would feel eeeww around a lot of gifts early on as if he was trying to convince me of something. While I believe in receiving I want to be able to say I feel uncomfortable receiving a lot of gifts so early on.

  142.  #142Ella on December 26, 2011 at 6:44 am

    FW re 139

    Yes I feel very uncomfortable recieving gifts so early on and then I was feeling bad thinking maybe it was my old issues about not feeling worthy to recieve…

    I do view my CDs as practice.

    And my vibe has been lifted in recent times…

    Its only literally the last few days I feel piney about not having a relationship.

    With this guy I am feeling afraid cus he wants to sew me up into some kind of relationship.

    Yes you are right I can practice say no here and slowing things to a pace I feel comfortable.

    So far when I have done this in the past the man has gone away. Which I have not really minded.

    But I have noticed.

    It doesn’t matter if they go away though.

    And I also feel afraid of them not going away… when I don’t want them.

  143.  #143Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 6:46 am

    Maybe some tapping on fear could help to heal it?

  144.  #144Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 7:02 am

    96 Kayla

    I agree, it can feel a bit scary to try something new…..what if you think about texting and being open as YOUR experiment…..that you have the courage and can do what it takes to decide what you like……..and not give that power to your new/ex-revisited guy….

    When a man says to me “I won’t let you down'”….I always take it with a grain of salt……I always think….how would he know/do/guarantee that? He isn’t that powerful in my life………I don’t buy into it………if he says it I don’t challenge it….I just kinda ignore it…..,

    I’d rather think “I won’t let myself down”……that’s more powerful to me and what really matters….cause if anything happens I need to change I’ll just do it…….I want to look after myself….put myself first….not give that to any man or any one……they’re all off the hook….it feels so much more liberating and comforting all at the same time…….

    I see it more as what A “GROWN WOMAN” would do…

    ….not making him exclusive for now lets you experiment……CDing and keeping your options always open…….helps us stay centered

    I celebrate your being brave! It’s awesome!


  145.  #145Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 7:03 am

    101 April Rose

    Thank you for that!

  146.  #146Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Here is my practice text message to CD:

    ‘Hi CD, No need to be sorry. I am feeling really grumpy and kind of low today and I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I am not sure what to say to you at the moment cus I am not sure I feel attracted, well at least not strongly, and I feel afraid to say that and a bit mean somehow. U r just so very different from anyone I would normally date and I want to be open and always give people a chance. Right now I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed and stand offish. And I feel a lil bit guilty 🙁 ‘

    I don’t think it is a perfect message but it is definitely how I feel.

    As I am typing it here I have just realised a couple of things I do appreciate about him.

    I appreciate that he is willing to put himself out there and try new things despite being from a different world from me.

    He has been doing that fearlessly despite all the men in the pub jibing him about his efforts towards me.

    And I know he has been stepping way out of his comfort zone on the dates with me… and in relating to me.

    He has just done it anyway.

    I admire that even though it scares me.

    Wonder if I can find a way to express that too.

  147.  #147Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 7:11 am

    120 FW

    “Once you are in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you.”

    I”m so glad you posted that…..I find my boy energy comes up sometimes….well maybe a lot…because I’ve been a single mom for so long and have to stay organized…..and run a business,……etc. I always need reminders that with my sweety I have to switch out…….or over or move gently into feminine energy more consciously and let him lead…..soften…….be receptive….oh it is so not a switch………..I am becoming more comfortable with it….and trusting it…

    thank you for the reminder…..


  148.  #148Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:12 am




  149.  #149Mochaberri on December 26, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Hello!!! I hope that all you sirens had a very Merry Christmas and enjoyed your day to the fullest!!

    I went out with a CD a few days ago and it was a good experience until he became overly aggressive…

    The next day I told him that I did like him but his behavior was unacceptable and felt that we should end our communication becuase I felt uncomfortable and afraid. He has texted and called me repeatedly to apologize and offered to take me to dinner to make up for his bad behavior.

    I beat myself up for a couple days because my NV told me that I shouldn’t have stayed out with him after taking my friend home and that I shouldn’t have been alone with him and he wouldn’t have been aggressive. Once I got out of my head, the NV’s went away. I started to take care of myself and was gentle with myself. He called again and I told him that I needed time to work through my feelings about what happened and that his apology was accepted.

  150.  #150Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:16 am

    RE 142 Wow Aurora thanks for that. So very very clear. It never occurred to mr. I beleive I would unconsciously have built up expectations around such statements that would set me up for disappointment.

  151.  #151Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 7:18 am

    131 Liz and 135 FW

    lol you can tell I’m catching up on the blog…..posting so many in a row!

    but your posts tweeked something in me too…boundaries….heck I didn’t even know what they were until my late 30s….when they were so being violated by my now ex husband that it was like a part of me woke up!!!

    I agree FW they can feel “broken off” when we are little ……….you know those moments when as a kid an adult says to you………”are you cold?” and you say “no I’m ok”………….and they say “here…put your jacket on you’re going to freeze”…….bingo……it happens over and over…..we aren’t allowed to set up our own choices…….or an adult says “give your uncle Joe a hug”…..and everything inside you says he creeps you out but you’re forced to give him the hug any way……total yuk….and it sets up huge confusion about boundaries….we learn that others impose theirs……we lose our own voice.

    I think boundaries are about getting that voice back and trusting it…..everything from the food we choose to eat to the company we keep to sexuality and the rest……we need to know our comfort zone and use it…voice it……trust it….watch the results and adjust it… in progress…………only expand it when we are ready………..

    wow…….I wish I had learned it when I was younger…but then again things are as they are….

    one thing’s for sure…..I began teaching it to my own children from day one……


  152.  #152Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Right, I know it is leaning forward and I don’t mind.

    I just text him ‘Things I appreciate and admire about you are that you are willing to try new things and step outside of your comfort zone no matter what people say. I feel impressed by that because it is brave.’

    I feel a bit better now.

    I still don’t want to date him but I do appreciate things about him…

  153.  #153Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:23 am

    I have started teaching it to my own children too Aurora. Yesterday I felt a bit broken hearted watching my mother and my brother argue about violating my niece’s boundary. I also notice it in babies as they try to stay with their rhythms and notice how adults and others around them constantly violate them. It is a very interesting dynamic for me now that I can identify and relate. I have noticed how as I allow my children to establish their own boundaries how more flowy our relationship is.

  154.  #154Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:24 am

    I sometimes feel weird cus the attractive women around me won’t date these guys who are not super hot or conventional or whatever.

    I often feel worried about becoming lower value when men, and women, around me see me accepting dates from what they would define as a lower league of man.

    Eeeeewww, that does feel awful and judgemental to say and I don’t think there is much truth in it.

    And yet I do feel curious about this sometimes.

  155.  #155Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Ella I am now wondering if this has released any tension or heaviness that had built up inside you or the grumpiness that you were feeling.

  156.  #156Mochaberri on December 26, 2011 at 7:29 am

    I’m feeling kinda weird today. KR called me Saturday to see if I was going to hang out with my bff and her man. I told him that I was busy preparing my dinner for Christmas and if I finished at a reasonable hour I may go. Mind you I had not talked to him all week except for a text he sent to me on Tuesday. It was one of those “I don’t want to lose you in 2012” chain texts. I noticed that he did not includ anyone else in the text he sent me so I feel special to have gotten it from him even though it was a chain text. Anyway, when he talked to my bff’s man, she told me that he was asking all sorts of questions about me and what I was doing that night and if I was coming to hang out with them. When she told me this I felt warm and fuzzy.

    I leaned forward and texted him christmas morning and he texted me back. I then called and we talked on the phone for most of Christmas morning. Throughout the conversation, I focused on me and what I was doing – I was physically leaning back and smiling and felt the warmth and love from him – his concern about me and what I was doing. Later that evening, he called and asked me to make a dessert plate for him and his family. He came by to get it and what changed my vibe for a few minutes is that when he approached me he never came in for a hug. When I brought it up he turned around and was coming to give me one but I stepped back feeling awful that I had to bring it up. He said he would get a hug later. He did call me when he got home as promised and I let the feeling of neglect wash over me and exit out of my body.

    A brief conversation came up about NYE and I stated that I did not have any plans and he said he didn’t either. I then said I’m sure you will figure something out before then.

  157.  #157Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Ella, FW

    interesting that FW is asking about whether any heaviness is lifting…….I love these reminders FW!!

    in relation to your comment Ella:
    “attractive women around me won’t date these guys who are not super hot or conventional or whatever”

    oh I so want to support you in listening to your own heart around this stuff…….every man is a diamond in the rough……….

    “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”
    Sam Keen

  158.  #158Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 7:36 am

    154 M

    “Later that evening, he called and asked me to make a dessert plate for him and his family. He came by to get it and what changed my vibe for a few minutes is that when he approached me he never came in for a hug”

    my gosh it sounds like you were so generous in talking with him all morning….and then making something for his family………..did you want to give him a hug or did you want one spontaneously FROM him?

    you sound like such a generous soul……

  159.  #159Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:37 am


    Yes it has…. a little bit.


  160.  #160Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Also forgiving myself for having a rubbish, selfish duvet day… I don’t want to do anything except sit on sofa and later eat take away curry.

    Just wanting to forgive myself on that and let go of any ‘shoulds’ about what I think I should be doing instead.

  161.  #161Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Aurora Girl

    “in relation to your comment Ella:
    “attractive women around me won’t date these guys who are not super hot or conventional or whatever”

    oh I so want to support you in listening to your own heart around this stuff…….every man is a diamond in the rough……”


    Yes this feels so much better.

    Takes being brave though… feels scary when everyone is telling you how wrong and mad you are for dating these guys.


  162.  #162liz on December 26, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Hi everybody

    i slept in….feeling sad about accountant CD.
    Thank-you FW and Aurora Girl about boundaries…
    it feels so unrealistic to me that he would accept my boundaries, especially having been sexually violated as a young girl.
    So this is powerful stuff….i really appreciate your support around this….
    I feel unimportant and and super heavy in my heart…..
    I will go to my favorite brook and pray and then go for a walk with a friend and I am sure these feelings will lift and I will learn to trust that these boundaries are for my own safety and my own good….
    why didn’t anybody protect me when I was a kid?
    accountantCD is such a blessing to me, he is not showin up for me yet, but he is helping me heal….

  163.  #163Ella on December 26, 2011 at 7:50 am

    Oh my Goodness,

    This was the text I just recieved back from CD

    ‘I am glad. I will have a go at anything to make you happy because you are lovely and you make me feel good about myself. xxx’

    Ick I feel scared again now.

    What if he won’t go away?

    Daymn I wish that was from a man I felt attracte to!


    But it is nice of him to say.


    And ick.

    Feeling tense and tight again.

  164.  #164Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 8:00 am

    159 Ella

    lol…do you know the story about how Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman got together? where he was in his life when he met her? where they are now because she is just an amazing woman….not because she accommodated him but because she is strong, centered, powerful…..

    from what I’ve read…..despite his talent, looks etc……any woman who would have known him may have been lured by his fame and money…..and any woman who would have gotten closer may have turned the other way…..because of his cocaine and substance addiction……..but Nicole ……she had a different way of doing things……she is such a siren
    and strong….

    I think she had a lot of courage……she called him on it…….she would not tolerate anything less than the best of him…..and her family and friends supported her……..she could easily move on without him as well…..

    and the rest they say is history……he checked into rehab…..again……but this time was different……..she had such a big impact on him……..all of his love songs are about her…he is totally dedicated to her….and he totally adores her and is so thankful she came into his life……

    ……just a little story that happens to be in the public eye…..from what I know of it……

    it kinda relates to sirens having good boundaries…..focusing on themselves……seeing a diamond in the rough on their own terms….making their own choices……just thought I’d share for what it’s worth,…i have always admired this couple…

  165.  #165Ella on December 26, 2011 at 8:07 am

    My reply:

    ‘ok cool. And thank you. I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed though. You know that we might not end up dating each other right? If we ended up as friend’s what would you think about that?’

    Then he called me again… twice… and left another message.

    I have not picked up the first one yet.

    I sent him text

    ‘I really don’t want to talk today. I am feeling kinda freaked out and tense getting phonecalls when I expressed that I am feeling overwhelmed and don’t want to talk. I am not picking up voicemail today either.’

    Golly Gosh I feel mean and tense around this…

    Feel like a biatch.


  166.  #166Ella on December 26, 2011 at 8:15 am

    His reply

    ‘Ok sorry. xxx. PS – I think you are wondeful. xxx 🙂 ‘

    Hmmm ok.

    Still feeling tense.

  167.  #167Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 8:17 am


    Whatever you feel is ok………

    not a biatch in the least………wonder if that’s old negative voices in your head? that when you are clear about your boundaries and preferences someone else labelled them “wrong” or bitchy……….

    Sweet siren Ella are you……….I am reading about how much you are being sensitive and trying to tell him how you feel…….and considering his feelings….that’s what I’m reading…..


  168.  #168Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 8:18 am


    Whatever you feel is ok………

    not a biatch in the least………wonder if that’s old negative voices in your head? that when you are clear about your boundaries and preferences someone else labelled them “wrong” or biatchy……….

    Sweet siren Ella are you……….I am reading about how much you are being sensitive and trying to tell him how you feel…….and considering his feelings….that’s what I’m reading…..


  169.  #169Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Mochaberry that it is the kind of thing that Rori says does not create romance. It creates feelings of friendships in the man. Maybe that is the reason he responded like he did.

  170.  #170Esteemed on December 26, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Silver-Tongued Siren,

    RE: #124 – You said, “Father-of-Baby texted me this morning, 8:30am. “Merry Christmas” …. I later texted back, “I feel like it could be merrier. I feel disappointed that we didn’t talk. I feel misunderstood. I feel sad.” “Of course I wish you a Merry Christmas too. Let’s be happy, when can we talk, what do you think?”..

    No idea if that was a good feeling message or if I screwed it up right away sharing negative feelings instead of maybe saying “Merry Christmas, I’d love to hear from you”? .. Oh well. ”

    Just to help you tweak it, and not meant to add to any feelings of failure…think about how you would feel if you received a message like that in response to “Merry Christmas”…

    If I received a message like that, I would probably want to run the other direction. I understand your intentions of being genuine and wanting to be soft yet wanting to let your sad feelings show. And, even tho you included some positives, it has a tendency to come across as negative.

    Here is an idea for future reference:

    Father-of-Baby: Merry Christmas!

    Silver-Tongued Siren: Merry Christmas!

    FOB: How are you?

    STS: I feel a lil confused…I feel happy you wished me a merry Christmas, and I feel a lil sad, too…it would feel good to talk about it later.

    Something like that….

    Hope that helps! And merry Christmas, in spite of your sadness!

  171.  #171Esteemed on December 26, 2011 at 8:37 am

    I am feeling worn out from all the holiday get-togethers and busyness of life. I feel like spending the day at home taking my time to do housework and just relaxing.

    I was invited to yet another Christmas party today from 1 to 10, and I feel thankful I was invited, and yet I don’t know if I have the energy to go, and I really can’t afford the gas money to go, because it’s an hour and 15 minutes each way, which translates into about $25. I guess I can’t. When you just can’t, you can’t.

  172.  #172Ella on December 26, 2011 at 8:37 am

    AG re 165,

    Hmmm, that feels interesting.

    I am allowed to have preferences.


    I used to know that but then I was very, very fussy and wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t fit the criteria…

    This is not how CD-ing works so I dropped that when I comitted myself to using CD-ing and Rori’s tools.

    However maybe I have swumg out of balance the other way… thinking I am not allowed to choose or have preferences.


    I know I do really.

    I mean I wouldn’t marry someone who I didn’t want to.

    But sometimes I feel afraid that I might… cus the man I want will never show up!

    Aha, there it is.

    There is the crux of it!

    Thanks Sirens for helping me explore this and expose this negative belief.

    I need to refresh the faith… he will come.

    Yes he will.

    This can be one of my goals for 2012… continuing to lift my vibe, increase my faith and expel my negative beliefs.


  173.  #173Ella on December 26, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Yes I feel afraid I would settle and end up in an unhappy marriage with a man who wasn’t right for me.

    Because I feel afraid and don’t believe he will ever show up.

    How can I work on this? Or shift this?

    Any ideas?

    Hmmm, maybe gently appreciating what is being pulled in and offered… and babystepping to the man I want, and keeping the faith, even when it doesn’t always look or feel like I am babystepping in the right direction.

  174.  #174Ella on December 26, 2011 at 8:44 am

    He text me again.

    ‘I could go on and on. Who you have been with, I don’ care. I know I am a bit different but I can be what you want. xxx’

  175.  #175Esteemed on December 26, 2011 at 8:53 am

    There, I called her and I graciously bowed out.

    Still feeling thrilled about my time out with R on Christmas Eve! And yet the fear is creeping in that now that things are going well, I am about to be hurt again. That has been how it went.

    I am trying to think positive tho. And just kind of enjoying the mellow feeling of all the smiles and laughter I saw on his handsome face…I have never seen him laugh and smile so much! Over and over my soul tells me that I have found my Soul Mate!

    We went to a 24 hour diner, the same one we went to many times in 2009. Then we went for a walk, but he was cold, so he wanted to end it after about 5 minutes. We went driving around looking for an open bar, and we passed a place where I used to work for 4 years with mentally handicapped, autistic children. It has now been converted to a corporate building, and we walked around in the backyard briefly, where the swingset and a few pieces of landscape remain. Good memories flooded in for me, because I spent thousands of hours there playing with both kids and staff! It felt nice to share it with R.

    After about an hour of looking for an open bar, we gave up and went to a different 24 hour diner. We stumbled on an open bar, right next door! We each had a couple drinks, and it was a nice atmosphere at the bar! Afterwards, we got a snack at the diner next door, and to let the effects of the drinks wear off a little.

    He is just wonderful to talk with, and I love his unique conversation style, which is difficult to describe. It felt so good how he opened up, and I almost feel overwhelmed by the closeness I feel with him at those moments.

    He gave me a warm, long hug at the end of the evening, rubbing my back some. I treasure his hugs!

  176.  #176Ella on December 26, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Feeling quite flu-ey… kinda achy all over.

    Am noticing too.

    Usually if I am feeling bad I share with people and they respond well and want to take care of me.

    Only recently they have not been interested when I have shared any negative stuff (I share lots of positive too).

    So I am using this opportunity to take care of me and my own negative emotions.

  177.  #177Mochaberri on December 26, 2011 at 9:31 am

    @ FW #166 – I feel confused about what part you are speaking of that creates friendship and his response. Can you help me understand. As far as fixing a dessert plate he called and stated that his grandmother wanted a piece of cake and his mother said she just knows that I’m going to send a piece of cake to her also that’s why I did it. I never offered anything to him or his family. Also I feel that we need to rebuild our relationship and the basis of that is a friendship – I could be wrong.
    When he came to pick up the plate I gave him back his wrench that he left when he put up my shower heads last week; he made a joke asking me if I wanted his wrench.

    Remember this is a man that I’ve invested years with and we are trying to rebuild to our ever after so there are things that I may not get right all the time.

  178.  #178VW on December 26, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Hmm…Ella…in reference to “I feel afraid I would settle and end up in an unhappy marriage with a man who wasn’t right for me. Because I feel afraid and don’t believe he will ever show up. ”

    I’ve had this fear as well :(…It paralyzes me… I tried to understand what is the thought/belief behind these fears…it brings me to “the men i feel attracted to and i would feel happy with…are toxic…or players…”…

    As long as I believe that, I will manifest it…

    Now, I commit to notice each and every time i have that thought…and sink into the fear…then, I remind myself of the list:

    I want a man to feel strong attraction towards
    I want a man to adore me and make love to me daily


    I dunno this was my reflection upon my own fears…
    hope it helps a bit…

    warm hugs,

  179.  #179Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Making food for him is what I was referring to. I have read where Rori said we do it in, trying to help him see how good of a woman we are and how good we would be together. We have an agenda in doing things for them. You gave him the plate, you expected at least a hug in return. Read again what you wrote, it even had a businessy kind of vibe around the arrangement but in the back of your head it was about romance. So ultimately it really was not authentic. I am wondering if sharing that you could do that for him because you hope to rebuild the relationship in some way might have helped. Or maybe contacting his mother after hearing that she was looking forward to it and doing it for her because you wanted to rather than making it for him, with an agenda might have been different. I am not suggesting that I am right. All I am suggesting is that bringing the attention back to yourself and really focussing on why you are doing what you are doing might help to take the focus off his behavior. It might also help you to establish your boundaries and become aware of what you need if you are to rebuild this relationship. It might help you become clear if this is really what you want in your life.

  180.  #180Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Moch and FW

    that’s why I asked the question…did you want him to come in so you could give him a hug (more giving) or to get one (need to receive).

    I agree with you FW….when we keep giving, though it is generous… is a lot of leaning forward………

    I like Rori’s water wheel analogy a lot……it helps me keep the giving in check………..and helps me to not overfunction…….

    Mocha……wondering if it feels like over-functioning? then the expectations come in what is suppose to come back…..then when they don’t….we feel disappointed and angry and resentful and…….

    you get the picture…….yucksville.


  181.  #181Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Giving/doing – so contrary to just being and being love for what we are as opposed to what we do. I feel so open to being loved for who I am and just being.

  182.  #182Aurora Girl on December 26, 2011 at 11:19 am

    FW for sure!!

    I like to think of it as knowing when it’s time to give/do and knowing when it’s time to lean back…..for example with my children it’s my mom hat….giving…doing……leaning forward….with my family……some giving and doing…..

    but with a partner/man/lover…..if I want to really tap into the dance of love I have to feel more in my feminine energy……..lean back………receiving…be……like you say…….

    it’s a vibe switch because of how I want to relate to him and how I want him to relate to me…..

    lol it’s tricky sometimes I find…….but worth the conscious effort…..Rori is right on………that’s been my experience anyway………

  183.  #183liz on December 26, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    I am sorry to be such an unsiren….but i just am feeling so sad…
    i leaned forward and called accountantCD since he was in his office and he told me he was going to be busy with his family today.
    I found out from him that he is not interested in dating me now, he can’t break up with his girlfriend, he is on match hoping to relieve his sexual frustrations in his current relationship and he wants to make love to me, but does not see it being good for me…
    so it is over even before it began and i feel so sad….
    and i have to see him in my office everytime i come home or leave home.

  184.  #184Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Liz I am sure he has known that but was avoiding you so as not to share something that he knows would hurt you. Another lesson to me that leaning back is my best option. He has your best interest at heart but might want the space to express himself in a way he feels is best for him without necessarily being held accountable for ever word he says. Maybe when he made those statements to you it was in an effort to ease some of those sexual frustrations. Some men relieve stress through having sex, which to me is not a good reason to do it. That to me is when we get the mechanical feeling. It is a pity that we can’t flirt without expectations with men that we are attracted to. Flirting helps men to feel alive and I guess when they are in relationships where this is not happening they will seek outlets to release that energy.

  185.  #185Starbright on December 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm


    Have you ever taken a look at the baggage reclaim site about the unavailable guy and the fallback girl? I have found it useful along with Rori’s amazing work! Many men say they are planning on leaving their girlfriends or wives…

    As hard as it was to hear from your accountant cd, it is so good that it sounds like he was honest with you today. And, he may have awakened some great sexual vibes in you…remember they are in you and not in him…you can now be ready to meet a man who is truly available to you…Thank accountant cd if even to yourself and remember you are the prize!

    Hugs to you!

  186.  #186liz on December 26, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Hey FW
    You are there for me and I feel heard and cared for.
    I feel like the wound in my heart is loosening up.
    You have a gift of acknowledging what has happened and validating the feelings in the present and then offering up another feeling state.
    I feel so much lighter after reading your post.
    I will look at the baggage reclaim site….do I just google that?

  187.  #187Femininewoman on December 26, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Liz – You are welcome but it was Starbright who mentioned the baggage reclaim. I guess you can google and get some info about it.

  188.  #188liz on December 26, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Hi Starbright
    Thanks I just went to the baggage reclaim site and it really describes what has been happening with my beloved accountantCD…..
    he loves emailing me
    he texts me sometimes alot and then dissappears
    same thing with emails, we email a lot and then he dissappears.
    so he REALLY is emotionally unavailable to me….
    this is a relief to finally realize where he is at.
    And to read the commonsense advice on baggagereclaim.
    Thank-you so much.

  189.  #189liz on December 26, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    After reading more on the baggage reclaim site,
    i feel empowered.
    i feel happy i have leftover pear/cranberry pie from yesterday’s xmas dinner.
    i feel confused why I put up with his confusion so long
    i feel embarassed i sent him that last email
    i feel challenged do i need to cut off all contact?
    do i need to change to another accountant?
    do i need to move so i don’t see him everyday?

  190.  #190liz on December 26, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    FW @ 181
    “it is a pity that we cannot flirt with men without having expectations, flirting makes men feel alive…”

    Yes, this is a really good observation…..flirting just to flirt, with no expectations…..

    That is a good idea.

  191.  #191Zara on December 26, 2011 at 7:10 pm

     Byron Katie …. …But the stressful thoughts, like there’s something to fear, those thoughts, now that is a breach of intimacy. There’s no intimacy when we’re in fear and there’s no love when we’re in fear, it’s there it just that our awareness of it is broken. So we experience this separateness, so what I invite people to do is to identify when they’re stressed out and they look at their relationship, you know love and sex and what we’re all talking about here in this particular time together. We look at what we’re believing about our partner, and that either turns us off or it turns us on, physically. So what we’re believing, our feelings are the effect of that. In other words everything we experience emotionally is the effect of what we’re believing. So we’ve tried to change our feelings and change our feelings and it doesn’t work as long as we’re believing those unquestioned stressful thoughts, those thoughts that separate. So I bring a very simple, as you mentioned earlier as well, a very, very, very simple way of understanding and it’s a, it’s, you know, anyone whose mind is open to it can do this.

    Chip: So you’re really saying that pretty much all suffering is caused by our mind, our thoughts.

    Katie: A hundred percent of it.

  192.  #192Zara on December 26, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    “””Katie: Yeah, and six tootsies came in from Rwanda, and then by the last day of school, one of them stood up just sobbing and said “I am a hutu and I did genocide and my tribe did genocide against my friends the tootsies.” and it was the most amazing thing, this work is, it’s amazing. And of course there was a bonding there between him and the tootsies that he always wanted with, you know, himself and that just goes out. So his life is about taking this work back to the hutus and so this doesn’t have to happen again so he can be a part of that. But this work, you know what it equates to is the truth and it is the truth that sets us free. So if we go back to the thought on, “He doesn’t care about me.” And then we ask that third question “How do you react, when you believe that thought, what happens, and get still with that one how do you react when you believe the thought “he doesn’t care about you.” What happens? And you see the effects of what you’re believing, how you treat him when you think that thought, how you treat yourself when you think that thought. And the addictions that happen, that’s the effect of believing this stressful thought. And it’s not right or wrong and it’s ok to believe it. We’re just looking at the effects of mind and the world it creates. And we begin to understand that it is the mind that creates the world. And that is powerful to understand because it means that, well, you know, it’s huge!

    Chip: Yeah, basically we filter everything through our thoughts so in a way, our thoughts actually, we actually superimpose our thoughts on reality and see reality through our thoughts.

    Katie: That’s exactly it. Exactly.

    Chip: Ok, so this is really good so we got three of them now. We got “Is it True?”, “Can we absolutely know that it’s true?”, “How do you react when you believe that thought?” and I love the fourth question right? “Who would you be without the thought?”

    Katie: Exactly, in the same world in the same situation, same thing happening, yes he’s having an affair, yeah yeah yeah. And who would you be without the thought “He doesn’t care about you?” And to just get still and look into that space only without the thought.

    Chip: Because that’s every, because I have to say, that’s every country western love song. Who would I be? I’d be nobody without you, I’d be lost without you, I’d be broken without you.

    Katie: (Long sustained laugh)

    Chip: It is the staple of love songs for, and while I love the songs, I could listen to Rogers and Heart forever, but that’s every Rogers and Heart song you know?

    Katie: Yeah and in the same situation without the thought, “he doesn’t care about me,” love, connection, intimacy. And that is orgasmic. I can tell you that when your mind is open, when your mind is open an example of that, is when I found the work, I experienced a moment with my husband where I started to orgasm, and because my mind was so free, and a free mind is a fearless mind, so that the orgasm began and it lasted for three days. And it was so amazing, he was not the cause, mind is the cause. And also if for some of you listening, if your partner, you know if you’re not turned on by him, then question what you’re believing about him or her. And also like, if your partner wants sex, you know, like if someone said, like if my husband said Katie you want sex? How would I know? That’s a story of the future, how would I know? So, you know, I would just, my line is, honey I don’t know touch me and we’ll find out, my mind is open.

  193.  #193Zara on December 26, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Chip: Right this is exactly, my partner and I, we teach this to couples all the time that “Why don’t we try this?” Instead of asking that question, why don’t we get naked, hold each other together, look into each others eyes, breathe and then just notice, “What’s the next thing we want to do.” And what I notice, I can think I don’t want to have sex, or my partner can think “Oh, I’m too tired, or I don’t want to, I’m not in the mood.” I notice when we’re actually naked, holding each other, breathing, looking into each others eyes, all kinds of magical things happen. Some of which may be sex some of which may not, maybe just the act of being naked and holding each other is, in fact, sex. But you’re right, how can I know thinking out there in the future.

    Katie: Yes and it doesn’t require taking our clothes off.

    Chip: Oh yeah, well I like that part.

    Katie: It’s just not a requirement. Intimacy comes from within, it’s from the inside out.

  194.  #194Zara on December 26, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Katie: So we find opposites, “He doesn’t care about me.” turned around “I don’t care about him.” Now that can be very shocking, and your mind might go “Well, that’s not true” and then you look at everything you’ve done for him and how you’ve sacrificed and then go back to it and look again, find examples, of how you’ve lead him or her to believe that you don’t care. Like where do you punish, and where do you apply guilt? And then get specific, and then make amends for it, for your sake, and because when we make amends, we find examples, and make amends for it, it raises our awareness. We’re more aware the next time it happens. And we already have found we don’t, that’s not us. That’s not the us that we live well with, that there’s guilt in it and guilt, that’s hard, that’s really hard, it’s a busy mind.

    Chip: And you see, it’s another quote I listed from your work here, you said if I see someone is irresponsible, in that moment I’m irresponsible. If I see someone is uncaring, in that moment I’m uncaring. If you hate me, you hate you. If you love me, you love you. That’s a profound thing, that’s the “I only see in others what’s true of me.”

    Katie: Yes, you know what else, they, people are who we believe them to be, no more no less.

    Chip: Right, but they’re also who we believe… Right.

    Katie: So.. if we don’t know… we need to do the work with, on what we’re believing about them. You know how irresponsible of me to see you as irresponsible, you know that’s your path. It’s necessary. And how unloving of me to see you as unloving. You know, we can’t get away from it. You know, attack is attack. And when we attack what we don’t understand we never come to understand.

    Chip: Now this turn around, I noticed the one you picked was “He doesn’t care about me, so maybe he does care about me.” But also, I could turn that around and say “I don’t care about me.”

    Katie: Yeah, and that’s very powerful and then to begin to find examples. And don’t just, when we turn these around they’re huge “I don’t care about me.” And to find the ways that maybe you, the way you treat you, could be less caring than what your partner is living toward you. And probably is, you know, if we are not our own best friend, how can we expect them to be? You know, and we’re so hurt when they’re unkind, and look how unkind we are to ourselves. And umm to, you know, maybe we can’t change our partners but we do have the opportunity to work with ourselves. And you know, I was always wagging my finger toward my children until I discovered every piece of advice I was issuing toward them, was for me. And when I began to take my own device, you know, my goodness, I became so, I was thrilled that they weren’t listening to me. If they had taken my advice, those poor pups, my goodness. And also no one could follow the advice I was meeting out. It was not possible, so I became very humble in that, but I became my best friend in that. You know, and I don’t expect anyone to love when I don’t love, or anyone to be caring when I am so uncaring. So you know, I’m just having a love affair with myself and working on me, and people are calling me kind, and it’s, I’m doing nothing more or less than just self-love and it is, it’s a full time job.

    Chip: Yeah you say that like it’s little but it’s but it’s big.

    Katie: Huge!

  195.  #195Zara on December 26, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    Chip: Nothing more or less than self love, I spent 15 years in marketing and advertising, and there’s a truism about, if you want people buy something, make them feel bad about themselves. You know, if they feel bad about, if they think they smell bad they’ll buy deodorant, if they think their hair is ugly, they’ll buy shampoo, if they think they look ugly, they’ll buy clothing, so that self-love thing is a big thing.

    Katie: Yeah yeah, and you know, until we love our thoughts, we can not love people.

    Chip: Right

    Katie: We have to, the mind has to end the war with itself before it ends the world, you know with the self, with our families, community, and world.

    Chip: Ok now, there’s one more turnaround, and I notice you say when you ask people to do these statements, in any statement you could do at least three turnarounds, so he…

    Katie: Well not with all of them, some of them will just have one turnaround and some of them could have, like, six.

    Chip: So “He doesn’t care about me,” one is “I don’t care about him.” one might be “I don’t care about me.” and one might be “he cares about me.”

    Katie: Yes “he does care about me” and then to find examples yes, he’s having the affair, let’s say it’s true. Yes he’s having the affair, and “he doesn’t care about me” turned around “he does care about me. ” You know, to open our minds to that, just because someone is having an affair, that you know, if our partner is having an affair, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about us, it just means he or she is believing their thoughts. That’s all anyone is guilty over. I work in prisons where I have worked with people who have murdered many many people and people who have burned down homes with their wife and children in it. They were believing their thoughts, and if we believed the thoughts that they were believing, then we would be there too. It’s like, what are we believing? What are we believing, that is costing us our freedom, our birthright which is happiness. And basically the awareness of our own true nature which is love. You know, it’s so, suffering is nothing more than the denial of that.

    Chip: So Byron Katie if people wanted to know more about you, if they want to find your website, if they want to get more information or want to do your work how would they find you?

    Katie: Well they could go to byronkatie dot com, or at thework dot com the work is you know, all one word, thework dot com, and these questions are always free on my website, and the judge-your-neighbor worksheet and everything to do the work is there, it’s free, no charge, and of course it’s in all my books. And I just believe that everyone deserves to know that these four questions exist and that they work for anyone whose mind is open to it. And they change the world, you know they actually change your world. And it’s simple

    Chip: And listeners of course will have a link to Byron Katie’s “The Work” website, on my episode pages, so go visit personallifemedia dot com, “Sex, Love and Intimacy.” and you’ll find a link. I always like to ask my guests, would you give an exercise or something somebody could do at home to help the love and intimacy and sexuality in their life. And everything we’ve been talking about is kind of that, but do you have something else that you want to sort of leave people with or something that they might be able to, or an elaboration on one of the things that we’ve been working on perhaps, that you want to invite people to try on their own time.

    Katie: Yes, to notice, to be willing to and to look forward to not liking your partner. To just absolutely those moment when you do not like your partner. And then to write your thoughts down, your negative thoughts, about your partner, write them down. And then put them up against these four questions and turnaround. And that’s the invitation, it is so powerful, your mind will give you every excuse not to, and I invite you just to think of the sharing, and just have the time of your life, and just meeting the love of your life, which is you. And that’s what these questions offer you. In that when you love yourself you love everyone, and everything you see. And again I just invite everyone to that.

  196.  #196Esteemed on December 26, 2011 at 8:08 pm


    RE: #389 – I love that quote you posted from Rori!!!

    “It doesn’t matter what other people think, it doesn’t matter what our family thinks, it doesn’t matter what your “brain” thinks – what matters is that you feel “met” emotionally, that your physical, emotional, psychological, romantic needs are being filled enough so that you feel a constant sense of well being and contentment and comfort when you’re around a man and when you aren’t.

    FEELING loved – and TRUSTING you are loved is where it’s at – and when you’re feeling that – you can speak to a man so directly and truthfully and emotionally authentic that he will change what he needs to in order to make you happy. Period.”

  197.  #197Esteemed on December 26, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    (#389 from the English Road Trip thread).

  198.  #198Esteemed on December 26, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    I spent a wonderful day with my friend who is now closeby since I moved! She is going to a 40s Swing Dancing wedding and reception on New Year’s Eve! She invited a man, and he said he has a World War II uniform to wear! We went shopping all day to find accessories for her 3/4 length solid royal blue sleeveless dress!

    We went from shop to shop, and we found an off-white fitted sweater with metal clasps down the front; champagne colored ballet-like shoes; an off-white hair bow; and pearl necklace and earrings made by 1928 jewelry! I tried to talk her into a royal blue boa, but that was too much for her! 🙂

    She looked like Cinderella going to the ball by the end of the evening!

  199.  #199Esteemed on December 26, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    My text with R tonight, after some more mundane back and forth…

    R: So it was a good Christmas?

    E: Yes, thanks to you, it was my best Christmas ever.

    R: What do you mean?

    E: All the best moments of my life have been spent with you.

    R: 🙂

    E: I always say too much.

    R: No, it’s ok. I want you to feel free to talk to me. Not inhibited.

    E: TY. I never saw you laugh and smile so much…It left my heart feeling full. 🙂

    R: 🙂

  200.  #200Starbright on December 26, 2011 at 11:04 pm


    I’ve been away from the blog…just now catching up with your posts. I have found the unclaimed baggage site helpful with that idea of the unavailable guy and the fallback girl. Unfortunately, I have found I can identify with it! I also found reading it very empowering.

    Also, consider Rori’s program on Toxic Men. Along with a quiz to take to see whether a guy is toxic she also draws examples from the audience’s personal situations. And, she talks about when to cd with a guy who may turn things around and when it may be best to walk away. This may help you where you are right now.

  201.  #201Starbright on December 26, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    189 Liz

    Also, your questions about whether you need to move and/or change accountants…

    Only you can truly answer that…However, it may be difficult for you to truly move on if you continue to see him.

    Also, consider that this man has now told you where things are that he is not ready to break up with his girlfriend but is looking for sexual release/distraction?

    And, the sexual excitement and tension has built up between both of you. If at some point things do get sexual between the two of you on some level he may feel that you know where he stands now and that if you get involved with him you are doing it willingly as a friends with benefits type of situation. Even though he said something about wanting to make love to you don’t forget the other part of looking for sex online…

    Take care of you.

    Also, Oprah from Maya Angelou has a favorite thought – paraphrasing here –

    When someone tells you who they are – believe them.

    I’ve been down this slippery slope before.

    All the best to you!

  202.  #202Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2011 at 3:14 am

    Hi everyone. I was invited to lunch today for a friend’s birthday and she also asked if TH would like to come along. I told her probably not but that I would ask him. And as expected he said that no he didn’t want to go.

    So this morning I started to get myself and my daughter ready and wouldn’t you know it?! He had decided he WOULD come along! OMG!

    So we went to lunch and had a good time and apart from him refusing to be in any photos we had a great afternoon.

    Things have progressed massively with us over the last few weeks, so although I was a little disappointed about the photo thing, I’m not overly bothered – babysteps right? 😉

    And it’s not like he refuses to have photos taken at all with me – only a few weeks ago we had our photo taken down the coast when we stayed there overnight – and it was posted on FB! So I’m thinking it was because my baby was with us and the photo would have been of the three of us. Maybe that’s just a tad too scary for him at this point!

    We also had a slightly icky conversation about NYE too. There’s a soccer match scheduled for that night and because my daughter plays I thought she’d like to go and then TH made it very clear that if he was going to the soccer, it would be with the boys and not with us.

    I’ve since decided that I really don’t want to go out that night anyway, so plan to sit back with a couple of bottles of sparkling wine instead.

    But yeah, I kind of felt “rejected” in a way, although I KNOW a night out with him and his friends would NOT be appropriate with my daughter there – they tend to be a bit… wild and somewhat sleazy! lol

    So although at the time the conversation felt a bit bad (I would have felt better if he’d rather be there with my daughter and I than his friends), I’m ok about the whole thing now. And I just realised I’d probably have my baby with me that night too, so there’s really no chance I’ll go anywhere.

    TH keeps telling me how he wants to start saving more money and has said a few times he’ll probably stay home too, so I may or may not have him here for NYE but I’m ok either way. 🙂

    And I need to keep reminding myself of all of the good stuff too. He seems to get a lot of joy out of giving to me, and we’ve been together every single day for over three weeks now.

    Oh and this morning he sat and watched a Barbie movie with my baby and I! Now THAT says a LOT! Haha! What a man! 😀

    So yep I absolutely adore the guy but I’m also doing some of my own things too. Tomorrow I’m meeting a gf and we’re going to see a movie, and he’s not invited. I am also focused on working more on the things I’m passionate about this coming year.

    And speaking of which, I plan to sit down this week and write out my goals for 2012. My friend just wrote a book that talks about dedicating the first 7 days of every month to manifesting your dreams, so I’m going to apply what she teaches and see what a difference it makes to my life! Yay me! I really lurve my life right now… 🙂

  203.  #203liz on December 27, 2011 at 7:19 am

    BW I am so happy to hear about your great times with TH!

    Starbright, thanks for your feedback.
    I think toxic men is a good choice for me.
    I switched readings clairvoyantly with a friend last night and that’s what I grew up with, so it is hard for me to recognize that as BAD….instead it feels familiar.

    But, I do feel resolved to walk away and I am grieving the loss of his sweet friendship and support to me before all this sexual talk started. We were so close!
    There was all this undercurrent of attraction but never spoken of…..hmmm, reminds me of my father…

    Thank-you everybody on this blog for holding space for me with this situation….i vibed it out, that toxic men is more important for me than targeting mr. right. so if i get that, it should help me figure out what to do.

    actually all this sexual talk and the attraction between us started to ramp up after I purchased modern siren and i started being in my feminine around him……it really turned up the heat between us and i was unable to ignore the fact that he had a girlfriend… these tools do work…..
    have fun making your intentions for 2012, Butterfly Wings…..

  204.  #204Esteemed on December 27, 2011 at 8:52 am


  205.  #205liz on December 27, 2011 at 9:09 am

    I purchased toxic men!!!!!!!!!!!!
    and I am feeling super energized and washing my curtains and getting presents ready for sharing my belated christmas with my son when he returns on wed.
    Tomorrow we are going to open presents and then go see the Tin-Tin movie by Spielberg with some friends and I am cooking a lamb roast for dinner and we are having another family over for dinner in my little 2 bedroom apt.
    I feel so much better now that I have decided to learn how to deal with toxicities and toxic men.
    Big hugs to you all!!!!!
    Thanks Starbright!

  206.  #206Starbright on December 27, 2011 at 9:32 am


    Wow, you sound so great and energized!

    Yeah you for giving yourself that gift of Rori’s Toxic Man program! Let us know how it goes!


  207.  #207Dominique on December 27, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Francesca – It is NOT your job to get your man to open up and share his feelings. It IS your job to open your heart and share yourself with him. He may or may not find healing through your ever opening, welcoming heart. He may or may not feel increasing safety with you, but this is the only chance you have that he will open up to you. BUT you don’t want to be looking for this, expecting it.

    This is all about YOU and your healing, and if wants to come along for the ride, fabulous.

    You get to choose in each and every moment if you want to continue with him.


  208.  #208Silver-Tongued Siren on December 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    170- Esteemed:
    Thank you, yes I think I jumped ahead too fast while I was trying to be honest. Yup I think that is exactly what I would do next time.

    I don’t know why I feel so unclear lately.
    Very blurry about everything. Feeling confused very often lately.

  209.  #209Silver-Tongued Siren on December 27, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Wonderful Christmas.

    Partner/Man-I-Live-With, gave me a bunch of christmas presents, even though he also gave me $500 near the beginning of the month for renewing my training licenses and classes near my birthday.
    For my birthday he took me to an inexpensive dinner and gave me an oil change for the car, which he will take to have serviced.

    For Christmas, he bought me a massage from a place advertised on groupon, a stone, two shirts (probably on sale) from express, a pair of pants, and a beautiful white +grey/black stripes ruana. (it is sort of like a poncho, a long piece of fabric with a slit down the middle of half of it, which you drape over your shoulders. I had seen it in the trunk months ago, apparently he’s been saving it this whole time. I LOVE it. He also bought baby about $100 worth of clothing at babies r us a few weeks ago, to open for christmas.

    I did not have money to shop like this for christmas this year, so he bought himself some gifts too- a le creuset pot and multi-size steaming basket.

    I gave him a dreamcatcher I made, full of objects I collected during our trip to Jamaica in 2009.
    I feel so inadequate everytime gift giving comes around, esp when I have been stressed or short on money, because he values gifts… esp if they are expensive or good quality, things he likes.

    I would say giving/receiving gifts is one of his love languages.

    We took my car on the trip, as we usually drive it for family trips or camping. He always pays for gas for us to drive to his family’s house. He drove us there, and most of the way back, and I took the very last leg of the trip. We had a flat tire halfway through. Thank goodness for our phone-service roadside assistance.

    Today he asked me to drive my car and he drove his, to the car shop. We got a rotation on his and bought a new tire for mine. I feel normally he would be irritated that he has been spending so much money and me none. (since i am not really making much while caring for baby). But, he never communicated any irritation. He did mention to me “your tire is going to cost $XXX”, … I felt tightened up, but I just said nothing, or thank you.. (may have said thank you later on). He said it didn’t match, and I said that was fine.

    He drove us to the chiropractor together (which he barters with, we are all friends), and he, baby and I all were adjusted. He drove us back to pick up my car, helped throw some trash out of it, and inquired about a bottle of wine (a friend borrowed the car and left it), asking me what I was going to do with it (he buys/drinks a lot of wine). … but I got the feeling he was feeling curious about the sudden appearance of wine in my car and what I might possibly be doing other than drinking it with him. If I had known a way to be a little more mysterious without being dishonest, I would have! 😉

    Then I drove home with baby, while he waited on his car and then said he was going to post office and early to work (four hours early… he’s a hairstylist though.)… He asked if I was going home, and volunteered info about what he was doing, since I didn’t ask.

    Now I need to write out an ad to rent out daughter’s room since she has gone back to live with her mother for 6 months, and my other kids don’t use the room right now. (one is full time with his bio mom right now, and the other is still sleeping with us).

    I am proud of how Partner/Man-I-Live-With is acting today/this week. OH also, typically his guy friends, old partying friends, in his family’s town, always go out on christmas eve to the bars. Baby is too young to be babysat that late, and typically at home, (and even last year at family’s) Partner just goes out without me, even if I am very unhappy about it.
    I asked if we could just invite all of our friends over, instead, and that is what he did. only two of them showed up!!! =P but he didn’t even complain.
    then christmas day we had family xmas, friends house, extended family xmas, and another friends house for dinner. BUSY day.
    great trip… so happy with us getting along so well this week.

    I hope everyone else had such a lovely Christmas!

  210.  #210Silver-Tongued Siren on December 27, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Father-of-Baby update:

    So Christmas, he texted “Merry Christmas” and no response to the things I texted back. After several days of ignoring me.

    Yesterday (day after xmas), he called Partner/Man-I-Live-With !!!!! (because he has NEVER really called him, EVER……….) and started asking questions about where we got the dna test, then they started talking about money, what was going on with Partner and I, am I still moving out, (he would know if he hadn’t been ignoring me the last several days), ETC.

    I let this go on for 5-10 minutes, just observing, although I was very angry that he would call my Partner after he hadn’t been ignoring me all this time, AND to talk about THIS, to top it all off!!!

    I let this go on until Partner began to walk off, as I think Father-of-baby asked if I was still moving out, or something, and Partner felt nervous. I was in and out hearing what was happening and when he walked off I started to follow, which made him mad. He said stop following me, and told father-of-baby I was following him. I said YEAH, because you walked off trying to hide! I feel uncomfortable that you are on the phone discussing important things that pertain to me and walking off so I can’t hear them. So he said “FINE, I’ll stay here.” I was feeling very unnerved about Father-of-Baby calling to discuss these things after ignoring me and not calling ME about it. Partner, being irritated, discussing living situation with Father-of-Baby, then said “I asked her to move out, and she said she can’t, she won’t, etc” and I got angry because it was me who had mentioned moving out first. Then I relaxed about it and he decided it was going to be his idea and he was going to control it. So I said so, and then walked off. I came back and said “I don’t think this is any of your business, because Father-of-Baby hasn’t even called me and has been ignoring me the past several days.”… I left again.

    Partner said something to him about how much is typically ordered to be given for child support, and then said “you know, I think she would talk to you if you would just call her”. I felt much better then. I also explained to Partner I am not angry with him, I am just feeling scared and not so trusting of Father-of-Baby right now, with his very UNUSUAL behavior and then THIS.

    (sidenote: this trailed into a bad couple of hours.. After this, Partner insisted he drop off daughter at the train station with his brother instead of me. Insinuating daughter didn’t want me to go, which I knew was not the case. I got angry because she and I do very well, EXCEPT when he has been disrespectful to me and then we have problems. I told him HE is creating the problems, she and I are just fine, it is HIM. And then I told him he wants to be so alone, go be alone then! Do Everything Alone. Oh man I was mad/hurt. We were both re-centered and over it by the time he returned. I decided to use Byron Katie and decide maybe *I* was being Unfair to HIM, and just let it go, because when I do, it brings him closer to me.

    When he got back I was hanging out with his mom, making some crafty things, and his mom put on some tapes of him when he was a baby, and then some old 50’s music we danced around to. Partner played with baby a lot.

    On our ride home, (he usually doesn’t often apologize/admit he is wrong). He brought it up and admitted that she never said she didn’t want me to go, just that she wanted it to be peaceful when she left (as we have had a few arguments lately) and something along the lines of that what I said earlier about him causing the friction was true, it was his fault, and left alone, would have been fine.) This was the only wrench in our xmas trip, the rest was Wonderful! I also wonder if any of this had to do with my expressing appreciation (which I do frequently), ABOUT his financial contributions, etc – before the trip I mentioned troubles with Father-of-Baby and how I felt so good about how he was paying and driving us to see his family for xmas, among other things, as well as how I have been seeing that I have been doing too much for others, doing their job for them, and how I see that father-of-baby needs to pick up his end now as soon as he can, because though I’ve been trying to help so we can all get to the greater good faster, it is causing problems between Partner and I, etc. I felt a light within him when he finally felt heard about that.
    Also on the way home we spent a great deal of time discussing happy past events, which I think is good energy for any relationship, similar to having big, bright photos of happy events, causing your mind to relive happy experiences and feel good with that person.

    Back to Phone Conversation:
    So after 10 or more minutes of this nonsense, with Father-of-Baby calling Partner, I asked Partner if I could talk to him. He handed me the phone. I said “hey, what’s up?……..”
    First words from Father-of-Baby were “I’m not trying to start anything between you two”.. …
    I answered his questions about the dna testing (he wants to put his name on the birth cert, and this is required). I also told him that NO man’s name is on the birth certificate -which I have told him TWICE BEFORE…….. but he said he didn’t remember that.

    Not sure if I should have asked to talk to him, or just let him call me himself. But since he called, and he knew I was right there hearing the conversation, I asked. I also should have let him lead the conversation, but instead, after answering his questions, I again went into telling him how I’m feeling without him asking.
    I told him that this is not how I would like to handle things in the future, that I was disappointed we didn’t talk more before christmas and that he seemed to be ignoring me, when I shared my ideas with him so he could tell me how he felt, what was important to him, and give me his ideas/suggestions. I told him how I was *hoping* it would go.

    He said he didn’t think he handled it well. I didn’t understand what he said and asked him very calmly “did you say you don’t think *I* handled it well?” He said “I don’t think EITHER of us handled it well”. I said, well I did make an assumption that we were both on the same page about what was important” etc.

    He asked if I was still in partner’s family’s town, and when we would be back (even though he had asked partner this, maybe he wasn’t clear?).
    He listened to all I said, and then said he would have to call me back later, as he couldn’t talk right now (he was at work), and I said I understand, he volunteered to call me at 9pm.

    and Didn’t Call. I am irritated.
    He forgot? He fell asleep? What?

    I am not all that inclined to answer when he calls. ughghhghadglkhasgrf.

    So, not doing as well as I would like with some things, but handling some things Very Well!!! Feeling great about that!

    to be continued………

  211.  #211Silver-Tongued Siren on December 27, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    *****Francesca – It is NOT your job to get your man to open up and share his feelings. It IS your job to open your heart and share yourself with him. He may or may not find healing through your ever opening, welcoming heart. He may or may not feel increasing safety with you, but this is the only chance you have that he will open up to you. BUT you don’t want to be looking for this, expecting it.

    This is all about YOU and your healing, and if wants to come along for the ride, fabulous.

    You get to choose in each and every moment if you want to continue with him.****

    I agree with this. Always wise words from Dominique.

    With Father-of-Baby, who I have been seeing for several years, not exclusively, …

    He has always been very bottled up, and can tend to be very cynical when operating from the negative side of his personality.

    A few years ago I made the conscious intention to be open with him and share more of myself as I realized I wasn’t really sharing my genuine feelings with him, we were always very light and happy, so it was very superficial as we weren’t really delving deeper into each other.. I think I was afraid to let him see anything other than the good feelings, and even then I think I failed to truly communicate what made me feel good.

    After I made this conscious intention and started practicing feeling messages, it took a few years, granted we weren’t in the same state at the time, so it could have happened faster –

    but at some point he began to be more open with me, and share REAL things with me about how he felt and things happening in life.

    It is now three years later or more, and the past year he has verbalized his own inentions to be open, honest and vulnerable. No prodding from me. And you are much closer in distance and see your boyfriend much more often, whom you appear to be in a committed relationship with. I would not push him, just BE open yourself. Be vulnerable. Just be. He will feel the shift. Trust yourself. YOU have the power to decide if you don’t want to be with him anymore, the way he is. So Let it be ok for him to be who he is, when you are with him. Talk to others who are open with you and let that feel good, and then when you are with him, be happy with him being who he is. If he says or does something you like, tell him how it makes you feel. I told Father-of-Baby how it made me feel close, or safe, knowing how he feels, sharing things with each other, etc. And these days we have much more successful communication. Current circumstance being an exception… but our daily communication has been of much more substance, and we have had a few breakthroughs where he has been SO honest and open and vulnerable, and we have really had wonderful exchanges, which really make me feel safe and heard, and if they continue, I can imagine amazing things happening.

    Be patient, and stay calm!! It isn’t always easy to change patterns, but stay positive that it will happen, the more you do it yourself. If it doesn’t, you are free to choose what you want to do about it!

  212.  #212Kayla on December 28, 2011 at 2:51 am

    @Aurora Girl:
    I feel soo happy and soo… confident??? About your last post to me, because that’s EXACTLY how I think of it… Like okay you can say whatever you want to me about us and I don’t care because no matter what happens I know that I won’t let myself down.. Like yeah it does make me feel happy when a man says things like that, but the only person that can make me feel good or bad is me if I really pay attention to ME and only me.. So no matter what he pretty much CAN’T let me down, it’s just the fact that he said that, that makes me feel important.. But he hasn’t got ahold of me really since he said that.. Which to be honest I’ve been so busy with my life lately that I haven’t really thought about it…

    But at the same time I did notice a little bit.. But tonight he did comment on a couple of my pictures on fb just pretty much making fun of the comments that other ppl have made… That makes me feel like I was being thought of… It doesn’t make me feel like we are good right now, but it does make me feel like I am at least being thought of, when a man starts randomly looking at my pictures.. Which makes me feel kinda good and confident… What do you sirens think????


  213.  #213Femininewoman on December 28, 2011 at 3:06 am

    Kayla I would say self talk is most important so that regardless of what any particular man says or does you know what to say to yourself to feel validated and confident. Whatever he says or does will be just icing on the cake as your self esteem is not dependent on him.