Love To You For the Holidays

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treeheartHere’s my favorite Holiday post….I post it every year…and I guess that’s my tradition. Happy everything to you…!

Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, many more traditions both religious and secular – all together, all at once the mere thought of it fills me with feelings of dread.

Is it because I remember that winter in New York and how depressed that year was? Is it because there`s so much family at the holidays – and I feel not only obligated and exhausted, but adolescent again around so much of my history?

My family history is wonderful. I`m one of the very lucky ones. A not so dysfunctional home – perhaps not passion, but at least humor, affection and lots of support and attention for my brother and me. Perhaps it just feels as if all the pain of the world comes into relief around the ever present pictures of joy at this time of year. I know it`s not about me at all.

It`s not personal. Do we all just notice, suddenly, all at the same time, that we`re all in this together? We go to church, go to synagogue, light candles, wrap presents, shop in the same stores, rush around in the dark after work. It feels so unreal. Like going through the motions without any real heart.

And then all at once it hits me. It`s transition time. Something has ended. Something has started. Even more than at birthday time, I`m older. My daughter moves toward her own life. My husband feels time – there are days to Christmas and days to New Year`s. We`ve done this before. Over and over. The ritual of transition.

To those of you who are waiting on the edge of a new relationship showing up or hoping the one you`ve started will turn concrete or hoping the one you’ve been long committed to will take flight into bliss – believe it will. Regardless of how unsettling the holidays can be for so many reasons unique to each of us – there`s magic in the air. Things can happen. We are all teetering at a transition, looking for meaning to drop into our lives. Allow it to tip in. It will.

Part of what is so challenging about the end of the year is that we all feel pressed to do so much. Presents, parties, family, gather that man under your wing before the year ends, tension, anger, old resentments. Instead, try something different. Instead of trying to swim through this, sink into it. Believe the wave of emotion and giddiness and pressure and pain and feeling like a child again will hold you up.

You will not be dropped on your head. You will float across the sea of possibilities into the next part of your life a bit more transparent. A bit wiser, a bit more vulnerable, feeling fragile but relying on the steel within you to let the world see what a beautiful, delicate, intricate, complex and yet totally whole woman you are.

Even when I can`t see it, can`t feel it, can`t trust it, I believe. Sometimes I`m propelled into action to help someone else – and then I feel more human and less fragile. I feel of use. But sometimes I just make myself lie down on the floor and look up at the ceiling. Instead of a solid plaster barrier above my head – if I look really hard – I can see a window, a passage, a worm-hole, time-warp, incomprehensible path to what I can`t see.

And it`s not just my future, it`s my possibilities. I look up into something I can`t see and let myself sink into myself. I thank the floor for holding me up, and then I just fly into whatever there is out there. I believe it`s bliss. I believe that my future and my daughter`s future, and my husband`s future, and the futures of all my dear friends and family and clients, and even the futures of people I can never feel close to or even good when I`m around them, are full of possibilities. Things I could never even imagine.

It`ll take the living of it, moment by moment, transition by transition, feeling by feeling, experience by experience, with the highest hopes I can muster, to discover what they are.

Wishing you bliss, joy, experience, love, faith, hope, adventure, and a glimpse of the beauty of your own soul in a random moment shared with all of us in the place we can`t see that`s full of possibilities…

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1NewLeaf on December 25, 2010 at 8:24 am

    Thank You!!!!!!!!

  2.  #2Darling Ella on December 25, 2010 at 9:19 am

    A very Happy Holiday to u too Rori!!!

    Wishing all Sirens a warm, peaceful holiday as well 🙂

    Here is a song to share

    “Love Reign” by Bettye LaVette!

    Warm hugs,

  3.  #3Tracey on December 25, 2010 at 10:47 am

    What a great message. This is my first holiday as a “divorced woman”. So many things are different that it feels so weird. Today I’m starting a new tradition with my daughter – we are off to the movies!

  4.  #4Nita on December 25, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Im so happy to have discovered RORI and her advice. I am little by little growing and Feeling. Feeling liberates who I am and the more I do it the more im in touch with who I am.. I dont know what will happen this coming year I might find a new special someone or someone old will be someone new.. Because I will be new too. There is something special about letting go something I have learned from RORI, to plain feel everything you do and to let go of control and just embrace yourself. I LOVE this because it ties with God for me:-) just to let go and trust him I love it I can feel my feelings and let go and trus him/ life/ energy to work the rest, Merry Christmas everyone!

  5.  #5Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Nita..I love that…I just need to be reminded to let go and let life happen…yes!
    …I am so happy to have discovered Rori and how to be my most authentic self…baby step by baby step 🙂

  6.  #6Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    ok I just re-read the post having sex with one man while continuing to date others and something happened a few days ago and I’m definitely “at war” 😉 maybe it’s cause pipeliner stayed at my house for a few days so it felt like we were playing “house” …not sure but it definitely triggered something… just noticing….I haven’t felt this war feeling in a while and it feels familiar and uncomfortable…

    ok headed over to my parents now…
    Hope everyone has had a Merry Christmas!!:)

  7.  #7Karen Irizarry on December 25, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Rori, thank you so much for sharing this post with us, on this holiday that is difficult for many of us. It is exactly the motivation I need to keep my thoughts and feelings positive.

    Merry Christmas, sirens!


  8.  #8Jane on December 25, 2010 at 5:48 pm


    You have changed my life. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

  9.  #9Rose on December 25, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    What a beautiful uplifting article…Love this Rori, thank you <3 Merry Christmas to Rori and all the ladies here…

  10.  #10Jackie on December 25, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Rori!!! This is the BEST POST TO DATE!! It’s like you can read my mind.. I always get anxious during the holiday season especially right before new years but right now I’m just going with the flow for once and really excited for the new year to come!
    All the best to you and your family!

  11.  #11janjune on December 25, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    {{{{{ love }}}}} back to you Rori

  12.  #12janjune on December 25, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    rori is amazing.
    i’ve been out there online, trying to date!!!

    its been going pretty well.
    i haven’t gone out much though.
    still don’t feel ready to face every man that comes along and it’s working out just fine because there is alot of screening that is done just simply by stating your feelings surrounding issues that come up, holding your boundaries–the ones you set for yourself regardless of whether anyone else likes them or not (such as not giving out my phone number, not giving out personal information until i’ve met someone and feel comfortable giving him that information) does he respect that boundary or try to get what he wants anyway? etc.

    it feels very interesting to see the way the different men treat me.

    I recognized him right off.
    He did all the things rori and even evan say they will do.
    am i attracted to him?
    of course not!!
    but i know that’s just old patterns blocking me, or trying to anyway.

    i don’t know if i will actually go out with this man or not, i think it will happen though, but if it doesnt, it won’t be because i *wont’* go it will be because he doesn’t follow through. i’m going.
    i WANT to be with men who are nice to me, who care about me, who love me, adore me, want to take care of me, take care of things, for us, i want him to be in charge, want to be in charge, love being in charge, feel excited and outrageously manly being in charge of things for us!!!!
    ooooh i love thinking about it.
    at least i have felt the vibe now and will be picking up the vibe more, and better, from men from now on.
    yeh, i think i got the vibe now.
    from him.
    he showed me the actions
    and the vibe
    and how the vibe and the actions go together when a man is a manly man who loves stepping up for women
    who isn’t afraid,
    he isn’t a pu$$y either, he just loves *doing* for women, his women. yes, women, any of them that he likes, he’s going to step up for them…
    this is how i see manly men now.
    stepping up and loving it.

    i feel my own vibe moving up too.

    the other day at the grocery store i was looking at the broccoli and when i looked up this beautiful man looked up and smiled… 3 different times while we were in the produce aisle!!
    then when i pulled my cart into the lane to check out, he was in front of me.
    i froze.
    when he was paying i said something to the cashier and HE ANSWERED 🙂 like i had asked him.
    we just smiled again./
    it startles me so much when someone pays really big attention to me liek that that i can’t even think or think of a Tool or anything.
    i would have LOVED to have spoken with him.
    but things will happen for me.
    as i pull my vibe up and up and up i can see where rori says that there will be men, lots of men, coming from everywhere, yes, this is just beginning for me, but i can see that these are men i don’t even see *seeing* me just like rori says we don’t see them noticing us. i sure don’t… i’m too busy looking at the broccoli or figuring out which aisle the tp is in lol
    but yes, i think they are vibing us out everywhere we go
    and when i’m ready, it will all just fall into place.
    i know im not ready yet.
    this online dating thingy is great though.
    — i have my boundaries and then i relate to men using those boundaries.–
    i still have to stop sometimes for a long time before i can feel the genuine feelings i have rather than the *programmed* ones, but if i give it time the real ones surface eventually, usually to distilled clarity within 48hours. which is still a long time but i don’t care. online dating is giving me a chance to *work through* this muddle or preprogrammed crap feelings that aren’t even mine and the real ones do eventually percolate up, then i can respond with those and see how it works to say ‘I don’t want’ to a man and let him leave if he doesn’t want to be involved.
    everybody wins. because, well, they just do.

    then the big plusplusplusplusplus is that when ive communicated these boundaries to a man and he DOES stay! he’s closer, alot closer, to the relationship i *WANT*, rather than having to muddle through all the crap trying to “negotiate” for my needs within the relationship, even if it’s just a simple relationship between two people trying to set up an online date.

    rori is a genius.

    i see that for every man i’ve communicated my desires to that drops off, that’s just time not wasted, energy not spent, emotions not invested in something that would never happen, the man doesn’t even want it to begin with. or couldn’t wouldn’t doesn’t want to step up for it.

    yes, men know when they can’t step up (for whatever reason) to what we are stating through our boundaries that we are looking for.
    and they just drop off our bridge and we travel on… no worse for the wear and having invested nothing of our time, space energy emotions in men who don’t want the same things we want.
    and so that leaves less time putting on makeup, driving, getting somewhere, for men who im not *it* for anyway.
    which is a big deal for me— not spending time, it’s so precious to me.

    i have stepped up my game a little bit though, i was just letting them drop off as soon as i detected that they weren’t the one for me.
    but now, i’m taking it a step farther and actually talking to them about what they *DO* want meaning rather than just stating a boundary which was pretty much all i was doing because i was afraid of getting run over, now im comfortable stating my boundary and stating why it’s a boundary or something like that— without “explaining”

    i feel like the next step is coming and that will be to actually go OUT!!!
    i will get there!!
    it will be fun when i can do it.
    i can’t do it yet.

    but am working my way toward feeling good about going out with pretty much anyone who asks me— that’s decent.
    i don’t feel strong enough yet.
    i feel like i could be crushed.
    i feel too attached to the outcome yet.
    i feel like part of my worth is stuck in what a man, any man thinks of me.
    i know these things aren’t true but feel them anyway.

    being online and trying it out there is giving me practice for now. practice to see who’s nice. practice to see when i’m overreacting. being touchy. being too protective. being shut down.
    im shut down with men alot.
    i mean i like them alot as friends or people but i’m EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE!!
    *I* Am. 🙂
    to men as a *WOMAN*.
    well, i *have* been emotionally unavailable but this online dating chitchat is freeing me up,
    rori is such a blessing because im slowly wiggling out of this cocoon suit of stuffed padding i’ve been in for Years. it truly does remind me of a butterfly coming out of a cocoon, tiny bit by tiny bit, ever wiggling and reaching fraction of an inch at a time, slimy, covered with goo, not too pretty, but one day it will be “Hey, guys,Look AT Me NOW” lol hey *goddesses* rather 🙂

    anyway practice practice practice, that’s what i’m doing.

    i don[t feel as scared as i did.
    not completely frozen.
    feelin’ the thaaaaw baybee, feelin the thaw haha

  13.  #13Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    “As long as we continue to live as if we are what we do, what we have, and what other people think about us, we will remain filled with judgments, opinions, evaluations, and condemnations. We will remain addicted to putting people and things in their “right” place.”
    — Henri J.M. Nouwen

  14.  #14Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    “I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness.

    Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved”. Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.”
    — Henri J.M. Nouwen (Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World)

  15.  #15Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 11:40 pm


    “[…]when two people have become present to each other, the waiting of one must be able to cross the narrow line between the living or dying of the other.”
    — Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Wounded Healer)

  16.  #16Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 12:13 am

    Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give — which is everything. ~ Anonymous

  17.  #17Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 12:14 am

    Follow love and it will flee, flee love and it will follow. ~ Proverb

  18.  #18Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 12:18 am

    Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

  19.  #19Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 12:19 am

    Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves. ~ Henri Frederic Amiel

  20.  #20Jennifer on December 26, 2010 at 4:28 am

    I woke up mad. Like as in mad.
    and I’m mad about being mad. I was happy yesterday. Now I’m mad.
    And I feel bad about what I’m mad about. (hey I’m a poet and didn’t know it)
    Some of my sirens are having a rough time at the holidays and what I’m mad about seems trivial.
    I don’t wanna “burnt toast” me.
    i feel mad
    Mostly at me……….but at other people too.
    I feel mad at me and B. I feel mad at me cause I been waiting for a reply email for a week now. I EVEN (start laughing ladies) had a momentarly spark of hope when he asked me what I wanted Santa to bring me that he was gonna get me a gift.
    This from a man who used to make me wait months for birthday gifts.
    I am mad a B cause ya know what? A FREAKIN merry christmas email is not the a physically taxing endeavor.
    But mostly mad at me. Apparently I don’t learn so good.
    I feel mad at my family too a little.
    My brother…………who HATES holidays and refuses to shop for them. Bought me and my sister a gift. Seems like it would be nice? yes?
    I was still under the impression that we weren’t buying for him or him for us so I got him nothing……….and felt like a jerk when i opened his.
    Until he mentioned that the Brownie in a Jar gift he got me he wants me to make when I come to his house and we get high.
    My sister got me a romance novel………that she read before she gave it to me. And MOST of a set of dishes. And nail polish.

    My mother got me a kettle. And scissors.

    I feel like a jerk feeling ungrateful for gifts.
    But while I like most of the stuff.
    My fam kinda sucks at this too.

  21.  #21Rosa on December 26, 2010 at 6:11 am

    My Mother was big on scissors too..dressmaking, along with a book I had read…hallo?
    Is this symbolic?
    My sister in law got kitchen shears! And she bought me a rolling pin..

    Are you still mad Jenn?? At least the kettle sounds helpful 🙂

    My kids gave chocolate and a kick board so I can exercise more in the pool most days to burn off the chocolate… Families really miss the point on gifts , dont we?

    I took SLV’s advice and bought myself good French eau de toilette, a small frypan and lingerie. I was not therefore disappointed.

    No man has shopped for me for many years for Christmas. I would love to have a man choose a gift for me. Its intimate and special.

    I have decided I need lessons from Sirens..

    I have a mental block on eye gazing and interecting with men. I need HELP.

  22.  #22Rosa on December 26, 2010 at 6:23 am

    So ..In my job I look them in the eye ,men that is, I smile and interact and I am in masculine energy helping them. Its big No -No to in any way flirt , play or be my feminine self receiving their energy . Interactions must be totally de-sexualised, they even undress fully too 🙂

    So I can do this well, hide my feminine energy , safely establish rapport and trust free of any sexual possibility and even touch them all over NON SEXUALLY.

    I trust myself to not flirt and to shut down quickly any man who tries anything in my workplace.My licence depends on it.

    So..Sirens..I am shut down , de-feminised ,asexual and authoritative with most men i see and speak to most days …question is , how do i overcome this ?

    Has anyone successfully done so who may be in a similar situation? How do i actually look a man in the eye and smile for 5 seconds ????

    I almost have a seizure imagining that! I cant seem to do it. My mind yells..”dont do that! He’ll come on to you and it will be your fault!”

    All practical solutions will be warmly accepted for consideration as i sure am bad at it. And i cant seem to go to bars alone where I might meet someone. What do others do?

  23.  #23S'Tracy on December 26, 2010 at 7:52 am

    Merry Christmas Rori!How do you deal w/a husband that repeatedly puts his kids from previous marriage first. He has one 21 yr old married daughter/26 yr old son and 18 yr old son who HE gives so much money &/insurance and is so glad the US pres. has passed bill of extending insurance for parents to continue their kids on ins. till their 26 yrs old. He has me on co. ins. that does not pay fully and I’M responsible in paying my own. I only substitute in schools an do not make much at all. He also had me sign a bank statement that if anything happens tohim I have no acces to his accnts. HELP me deal with this selfish husband.

  24.  #24Ella on December 26, 2010 at 7:59 am

    I feel a anxious today.

    I slept with Mr Barman this morning and when we stopped I looked down and there was a big puddle of red blood from me between my legs and all over the bed.

    It is not my period as it stopped immediately. There was no pain however now I am feeling kinda tender inside, not really painful but just like something is not quite right.

    As it is holidays my doctors and all the pharmacies are closed so I can’t get any advice till Wed.

    I have read up about bleeding and sex online and still feel confused and worried. Although trying not to panic!

    I took the morning after pill last week so don’t know if it is anything to do with this!

    Both of us have been tested for STIs and are clear so unlikely to be this!

    He was really sweet and supportive to me and now he is at work and I am at home. My family have gone to my brothers but I did not feel like it, wanted some time to myself.

    Does anyone have any experience of this type of issue? I feel alone and anxious.

  25.  #25Nita on December 26, 2010 at 8:10 am

    Well I feel like being feminine doesnt have to be fully sexual all the time.You can tap into other feelings about the men at work. Ex feeling relieved that a man did that errand for you or feeling happy that communication went well with your coworkers or even practicing feeling messages with the ones your most comfortable with” I feel hungry so excited about lunch” etc.. In other words tap into lots of feelings I dont think there is anything wrong with that. It will make you feminine and light at work. I think that resisting so hard is whats making it even harder because your fighting feelings so your struggling. Feel all your feelings and speak out Loud the ones that are appropriate. The sexual feelings I would breathe say them to myself really feel them and go on with work:-)

  26.  #26Angela Rena Houston on December 26, 2010 at 9:07 am

    Your self help relationship website is positive and as you have said about yourself, functional.

    Thank you,

  27.  #27Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 9:27 am

    Love how Rori put all the holiday moments together here! and transcended them….

    and btw, it makes me ANGRY, Daria that you “cancel” my (now very infrequent posts)…with gee, I wanna feel good and Jacqueline makes me feel bad. YOU make yourself feel anything and everything, I feel fine. Leaning any which way is okay with me – especially in the WORK world – as you will one day experience? but it won’t be the same experience anyway…..Leaning is different. You are expected, praised and indeed MUST perform to certain expectations whatever it requires to create certain results. In all cases, everyone has a boss even if it’s their customers….

    But I love the float like a balloon to the ceiling feeling Rori describes, and felt moved to post hoping no one will CANCEL MY VOTE here.


    Ooops….and I came back to laugh about how I still can’t spell lose. heeee….

    Transition? yes…and yet, hmmm, you wake up into the same life you had yesterday. Transition is like microscopic or something – it happens when you don’t notice and one day just everything is different in your life – or things are happening so fast you don’t have time to notice, and when it’s all over everything is different in your life.

    The only thing I guess that changes or stays the same is you being you…..and that’s the only choice you have in the matter…

    You choose, change happens, you are the same person or you’re not; or you don’t choose, change happens, and you are the same person or you’re not.

    I feel good about not watching myself change or not…lol….like a seedling, or a watched pot of water.

    I feel certain the change will happen and since my choices have been mostly free will choices causing all this change, I feel certain that I will be a new and happier person because of them – even when it doesn’t feel, seem or look like it.

    Gonna stay with the horse –

    Happy Day, all,


  28.  #28Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 9:33 am

    PS – Ella, I totally have read that about the morning after pill making you bleed. Was this the first time you had sex since you took it. Regardless as long as the bleeding has stopped, I feel you should relax about it and just let your body heal….and wait and see if it happens again, and on Monday, call a dr. or clinic or – hey – don’t they have 24 hour pharmacies there? Pharmacists are great info sources….so call and get an opinion but as long as you’re not hurting, or bleeding, I’d chill but not have sex again till I got some good info….

    Good luck and hope you feel better!


  29.  #29Jennifer on December 26, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Well…nah nah nah nah to the Negative voices.
    I bought me fantastic stuff.
    I bought me a teal sort of blue green cotton v neck wrap around sweater and a JADE sequined tank with matching long swing sweater and a royal purple tailored blouse..

    And a cinnimon dolce latte
    So I’m leaving the mall and suddenly I realize…….hey…I’m rockin the latte and the blue tooth headset and the shopping for shit I don’t really need ……..I’m a YUPPIE!
    Ah well.
    Fck it.

  30.  #30Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I got myself a big, soft teddy bear for Christmas! He was only $4 at Goodwill, but he looks like new. He’s wearing a red sweater that says, “Love”. He’s my man!

  31.  #31Daria on December 26, 2010 at 10:37 am

    Jaqueline – l don’t like your posts. I wish you would go completely away or stop attacking people including me

    I have worked before – Was that a dig at me?

    I used to teach pubescent boys math and English. it was pretty masculine, but I tried a similar exercise in feminine recently and yes, it helped

    I get triggered by stuff in your posts and it feels bad. I feel unseen to have me expressin my feelings as Cancel

    I feel annoyed that I started reading your post now, as I was attempting to bypass it. Blah

    I hate you for constantly attacking me and annoying me. That’s what it feels like.

    Then my reaction is to look down on you and judge you as unworthy, which is not true.

  32.  #32Daria on December 26, 2010 at 10:41 am

    My mom got herself gifts too! I was shocked and totally thinking Slv. And she opened them w a big show like they were surprises.

    And then my dad bought her a cd w a song she liked and she was Genuinely impressed!

    And they Liked the cards I made them.

  33.  #33Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 10:49 am


    RE: #18 – What kind of work do you do??? 🙂

    Do you have an established guy friend you could practice on?

  34.  #34Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 10:51 am


    RE: #25 – I’m glad Rori doesn’t post comments like that! That feels really bad.

  35.  #35Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Daria – wishing won’t help; you don’t create in my reality. And coming here to feel good? Gawd, I remember coming here to read about killing rabbits and taking advantage of Down’s Syndrome children from you…

    Yep, we all wanna feel good.

    And Rori’s advice to you – don’t READ MY POSTS.

    And you do take Rori’s advice seriously don’t you?

    I will post when I like and more frequently if I feel attacked.

    Thanks for the opportunity.

  36.  #36Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 11:13 am

    I was thinking about leaning and work – I wish Rori would write more about this.

    So, say, you have people who have not and cannot pay their rent (yep, we’ve all been there) but they don’t act in integrity and move out, they just stay.

    As the manager it’s your job to evict them – which requires a series of confrontations both verbal and written.

    And, for me personally, it feels like they’re stealing from the owner.

    So, imagine you own this property, it feeds your family and you’re sad the people can’t pay….but you can’t eat if they won’t pay. And they signed a contract they’d pay –

    wouldn’t that make you crazy if they wouldn’t just move, leaving you with the mess to clean up and start over? and losing money bunches while you didn’t eat….

    No matter how sad the story, I have always felt worse for the person footing the bill – the owner.

    And so I lean foward glady just as if a person doesn’t have hot water – I lean forward to the owner.

    Equal leaning opportunity – that’s my job. Interesting it’s about balance and judgement and fairness and rules….

    and who is right really doesn’t matter. What matters is the agreements made in writing by both parties – so if you’re just enforcing the obligations and agreements of both parties, are you really leaning at all?

    Feels interesting.

    But the best part of the job is meeting the new person – finding out their life, hearing their story, seeing how another person lives and views life.

    One woman took one look at my blonde hair and said, “I hope we MAINTAIN our diversity….” – and I was like, huh, me? I’ve been here two weeks….

    and 4 weeks later – she was giving me a hug (and I promise she’s so not a hugger).

    A job based on fairness and legalities actually probably requires only standing straight, leaning not at all?

    anyway, it is interesting comparison/contrast, and not the job I thought I was getting way back when….but it is the job I have now.

    Happy 12 days of Christmas all…


  37.  #37Lizzie on December 26, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Jacqueline! big hug to you!! I am so happy to see you here!!

  38.  #38Lizzie on December 26, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    I managed to get all the way through Christmas pretty much in one piece only to loose it with my kids last night – nasty. My daughter was busy doing the compare compare compare thing right from opening gifts, It continued all day, it continued all night and she got stuff that was on her freaking list!!! grrrrrr. So here we were in the car driving back from my brother’s place about 45 min out of the city. She was going on and on…. finally I lost it and just screamed at her — I sad “yo have got to stop comparing yourself with your brother” to which she responded that she couldn’t help herself. And I said “it is time for you to take responsibility for that, you are the only one who can control you. You are your own unique you and he is his own unique him. I love you the way you are. Everybody likes you the way you are. When you compare all the time, it makes me feel like you don’t like yourself the way you are. And when you compare all the time, it makes everyone else feel bad as well. ” So there are no feeling statements in this, no I messages here, no conflict resolution material – only me yelling at my daughter because I was so frustrated with the insessent comparing…. I need to get better at this…..I was so triggered….

  39.  #39Lizzie on December 26, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Jacquie dhhhhaling….I am in love – well more like, I am in like and having so much fun! You will so laugh! After the whole thing with Family Guy, I went to take myself down from POF, and there was this guy…and he showed-up. And he keeps showing up and stepping up! And it is so easy to be siren with him – amazing. I send him a feeling message, and he responds in feeling messages – the funniest thing. Sooooo we have had 4 awesome dates and will be going out on Tuesday to see a show. I just so love this! And then, guess what???? I got an email from Family Guy suggesting we have a date in January…. OMG! I will just stay on my bridge and see what all happens. But I am so totally enjoying my time with the new guy! sigh!!!

  40.  #40Ella on December 26, 2010 at 12:24 pm


    Thanks for the advice. I feel reassured to hear that you’ve heard the morning after pill can make you bleed.

    Yes I am feeling more relaxed now and will seek advice as soon possible.

    It seems I have just come on my period now so that is a relief. I am just going to keep an eye on things but feel much calmer now.

  41.  #41AmberS on December 26, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Jacqueline Angel!!!!!!!!!

    You came back! I keep missing your blog fly bys. You’re like the invisible woman. You show up briefly, start a truckload of… triggers(?) and disappear again.

    Happy (belated) Solstice!

    Please tell me you are collecting your stories to write the book?

    Love, love, love,


  42.  #42AmberS on December 26, 2010 at 12:27 pm


    I had a major ummm… meltdown with my daughter last night. Sounds like some of the same themes.

    ^(&^%@%^#&$ KIDS


    Here’s to transforming our parent-child relationships in the new year…

  43.  #43AmberS on December 26, 2010 at 12:31 pm


    Thank you for your caring words yesterday. I’m sorry I had to run off. I had an unexpected XX-bf drop by. Wonders never cease.

    I hope your dinner was full of love & caring.

    And thank you for putting up those quotes. They’re phenomenal.

  44.  #44Daria on December 26, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Ella – I knew! It was your period. I always got mine a few days after the pill, and hey, I even get mine after sex sonetimes!

  45.  #45AmberS on December 26, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Inner Bonding for me today…

    The wounded self is always trying to protect against a perceived threat of rejection or engulfment, a threat experienced in the past and projected onto the present or future. Through anger, blame, resistance, capitulation or withdrawal, the wounded self hopes to ward off and control that which it fears. In addition the wounded self is in denial – protecting against experiencing the pain that results from its own choices. The wounded self always sees itself as a victim of others’ choices. It believes others cause its pain.

    Dr. Margaret Paul

  46.  #46AmberS on December 26, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Okay Amber,

    This is one to stick to your mirror, and your monitor, and to learn by heart:

    “…All judgements and intolerance come from the wounded self, as well as many rules and shoulds.”

    So when I’m being critical of myself or another, I can INSTANTLY STOP, and forgive myself and move into the intent to learn.

    I hereby establish criticism as a trigger for myself. Criticism will from here on out trigger me to give myself love and move into the intent to learn.

  47.  #47Ella on December 26, 2010 at 1:05 pm


    It was so weird though… the blood appeared within just a few mins, like I could actually feel it coming out, and it was bright red, not like usual period blood!

    And then it stopped when we stopped!

    I felt completely freaked out!!!

    And then nothing all day until this evening when I seem to have come on… or at least that is what I assume it to be!

  48.  #48Daria on December 26, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Did eft parts work. Feeling a bit better.

    Brenda I feel unsupported and unheard – I feel good with my post which did not attack.

    Did it feel bad that I was truthful about feeling better if the voice that I felt attacked by went away?

    I thought of changing it too… Because truthfully I would just feel better to feel Safe. However that occurs.

    I don’t want to feel hounded bullied and harassed…

    I Am actually going to make the voice go away as best I can by not reading it ( tho small bad feeling phrases have gotten thru to me by accident)

    Is that the same as wanting the voice to go away? I feel confused about that.

    I feel betrayed by your comment Brenda.

    It feels like being shamed for expressing myself honestly and saying no to what feels bad to me.

    And saying that about Rori.. Well that feels sad and shaming too. I am Daria. I am doing the best for Daria.

    I’m feeling unseen and also unacknowledged for not counterattacking when I was experiencing fear and pain.

    That feels bad to me and I don’t feel good being talked to in a shaming way forcspeaking my truth in a non attacking way.

    Maybe it’s triggering that my truth included that I’d rather not hear a voice that I feel unsafe hearing and untrusting of?

    Like if I had a voice in my head that said You Suck well I would want that voice to go away completely too

    I guess the dilemma is that eventually I get around to embracing that voice and that’s when the healing happens.

  49.  #49Daria on December 26, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Ella – sex helps open the cervix. The period shifts when on the pill. So thell be fresh blood w a shifting period, because it’s at a different time than the uterine lining wasn’t there yet.

    Basically saying you’re totally fine. Your period shifted due to after pill, red cuz no uterine lining, during sex cuz sex opens your cervix.

  50.  #50Daria on December 26, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Feeling sad that I just reread comment/attack from Brenda.

  51.  #51AmberS on December 26, 2010 at 1:29 pm


    “…I guess the dilemma is that eventually I get around to embracing that voice and that’s when the healing happens.”

    this the kind of thing that makes me appreciate you

    Every. Single. Day.

    I’m glad you had a good x-mas 🙂 Podcasts are soon, yes?

  52.  #52Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Aye-yi-yi! I just lost TWO long posts. Don’t you just hate that? 😯


  53.  #53Lizzie on December 26, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    so much for being a domestic goddess – I just MELTED a brand new-out-of-the-package-just-what-I-always-wanted meat thermometer!!! OMG it is too hillarious!!! it turned into a big freaking melted ball hanging off a clove stuck in my lovely baking ham. LOL – so much for domestic diva goddesss

  54.  #54Daria on December 26, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Feeling lovely and empowered !

    I sppppe my truth here and I was able to speak my truth to my men thhhhhho I was afraid of being blaming.

    I told one I felt second place hearing that he Might come see me cuz his other plans might nit go thru

    I told the other one texting felt straines and awkward and thst I guess I feel resentful I havrnt heard a plan from him about seeing me .

    Both guys stepped up.

  55.  #55janjune on December 26, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    i haven’t been on here, but i do skim
    read the blog sometimes when i can’t go to sleep.
    i feel you’re being attacked too.
    i feel you’re being attacked quite alot.
    you are on here for your own reasons.
    i feel you’re on here, among other reasons, to practice your healing, bump up your vibe, give out to the world what your gift is.
    you freely give, fgreely share.
    others of us really notice that you do this, are doing this, consistently do this.
    i don’t want to see you be hounded or harrassed.
    i want you and me and all the goddesses who want to do so to feel free and safe to post in their own voice without fear.

    it feels like alot of the old structure and support from the blog have gone.

    i love triggereing and the work it does.

    but i don’t get on the blog much now because i feel people have misunderstood that there is a purpose to triggering, and it’s not done just because they feel its their right to say something about something they don’t agree iwht to another goddess.

    this is pretty much a riff, but stil.l, is addressed to you daria.

    because i really appreciat you and you always being there and i’m sure nearly everyone at one time or another has benefited from something you said, from you making yourself available to us all.

    I love you!@! you are appreciated.your genius is recognized and acknowledged by at least one person.

    and i can see you are posting less too.
    i hope you will stay on the blog.
    the goddesses will be missing something if you leave or quit posting as much.
    the blog has turned into an advice column, hurt people giving hurt people advice.
    we don’t need advice from other hurt people, we need a place to practice the Toools that will get us out of the hurt we’ve been in.
    advice sympthy quotes waves hugs snide remarks, we’ve all had those before
    and none of them HELPED.
    The Tools HELP.
    We need a place to practice.
    We need a coach.We neded someone who knows the program inside and out.
    daria cfares about each one of us enough to read everyones comment andtry to point that goddess in the direction of the PROGRAM
    so what if she doesn’t have her life to suit you?
    t’s her business.
    go get on your own horse.

    this is for you jacq.
    i really think alot of you– that’s worht absolutely NOTHING, but i do–\\

    but get on your own horse, will you please?

    i don’t recall that daria has ever addressed you
    at least not until you take a jab at her.
    what do you care if she works?


    What the hell?

    Is that your business too?

    daria, i hope you just stay on your horse and continue riding,
    bless you for all the wonderful things you do for us all.

    im not re-reading this cuz i might change something and i don’t want to

  56.  #56janjune on December 26, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    i have had that ten dollars out in my kitchen since last time i was on the blog.

    it’s for you.

    i have it in the eastern window and the sun comes up on it in the morning.

    it is one five and five ones.
    t is setting in my window herb garden nestled between the thyme and the basil and the chive. it had been touching a pot of nasturtiums.

    i plaed a large chunk of raw rose quartz crystal that is shaped like a triangle on top of it and placed a sterling silver braclet inlaid with robin’s egg blue turquoise, a gold panther link braclet and bracelet made of peacock pearls on top of it and also a necklace of cream colored fresh water pearls.

    it is there for you.
    do you want me to send it to you?
    i don’t feel comfortable giving my credit card number out to an individual.
    you probably don’t feel comfortable sending me your address either.
    so what do you want me to do with it?
    it’s yours.
    give it to the salvation army or another organization in your name?

  57.  #57janjune on December 26, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    also, daria, i did catch where yoiu said
    “I AM ERIKA!!!”
    i felt, Yes, you are going down the same road she went down.

    alll the attacks she went through while going through her rite of passage 😉
    she made it
    you will too.

    i just see all the strong attacks against you in the same way that i saw them when they were being launched against her…
    a testing
    a testing of your mettle.

    you will make it.
    you’re a healer too.

  58.  #58Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 3:58 pm


    I feel protective of Daria…:( I feel sad when she is provoked/attacked…Yet, I feel assured she will turn it into something beautiful 🙂 But the process is hurtful sometimes…I feel her energy…:( I cringe and in spirit I try to connect 🙂

    I feel happy when other Sirens acknowledge her contribution…or anyone’s for that matter…

    I feel afraid around arguments…because I get triggered and I get judgmental…finding the line between feeling messages and thinking messages…is hard…but babysteps…

    I always cheer those making a point using feeling messages…I feel like a kid in the candy store…

    I feel a bit intimidated by Daria…She can read through my shit…I feel exposed…I have to do the “work”…but she is patient if she feels willingness on my part…

    I want her to succeed…I want to cheer her spiritual freedom…and not longing for a cookie cutter 8 to 5 job…:)

  59.  #59Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 4:03 pm


    RE: #48 – I feel sad when I see sparring between any of us. Mine was a pure feeling statement, and not intended as an attack. I don’t feel comfortable with harsh words from J to you or you to J.

    I feel comforted and secure on this blog that Rori never banishes any of us from the blog. I don’t want anyone to feel unwelcome here. If I had been J, I would have felt unwelcome reading what you said.

    I know you are Daria, and you are unique, and I appreciate your unique voice on here. I often look to you as a role model of Rori’s feeling messages. I just felt yucky when I read that about I wish you would leave the blog.

    I feel so happy when I see all of us staying, and all of us feeling our way through conflict.

    Sound of Music is just starting! It’s one of my all-time favorite movies!

  60.  #60janjune on December 26, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    oh! i just did a really great soft on the outside strong on the inside with a man on pof. im really softening up around the issue of dating. i just bless rori so much for sharing all this with us all.

    he has contacted me off and on since i started pof.
    one times he forgot he had already contacted me. it was very obvious that i wasn’t his first choice in women.
    but i kept told him no i didn’t want to talk on the phone that i like to meet people so he didn’t write back.
    guess he wants to talk on the phone 🙂

    so anyway before Christmas he wrote again.
    i held to my boundary, which is MINE because i want it there. he’s acted like he’s writing me off two or three times, like well, here’s my number and email — what happens from here is up to you.
    so i wrote back and said.
    i won’t be contacting you but i still feel very interested in us meeting sometime.
    so anyway long story short, now he’s invited me to Vegas or to his boat in the Gulf (who knows if he really has a boat? 🙂 ) anyway, I told him a drink or coffee or dinner would be fine so we could meet.
    anyway he wrote back and said i sound like the kind of woman he is looking for 🙂 lol yaaaay!! wooohoooo!!

    this is all so new to me.
    some of us learned, somehow, that men won’t wait for us, that men don’t want boundaries… well. some of them DON’t. maybe even the majority of them.
    but other ones do. 🙂 and those are the ones *i* want.
    this is very exciting to me.
    that we can absolutely be safe, emotionally, make room for ourselves to be safe and still have men.
    not compromose our safety and our goals and desires and still have men.
    that there are men who want women who say no, i don’t want that, i don’t do that. and that THAT is what draws the ones we want to us!!

    it is beginning to seem like the very thing i’ve desperately avoided doing is the very thing that will bring me what i truly want.

    who knew? :):):)
    oh and this other man, i said I don’t drive to meet men– he lives out of town and suggested we meet. i said “i can be kind of a goddess that way :)”
    he said blahbalh and
    “you’re a goddess?”
    i wanted to just quit writing him cuz it sounded kind of snotty in the context, but im not doing that anymore, im sticking with it and seeing what i can learn…
    so i wrote back blahblah, yes, I can be a goddess.
    him: how does this goddess thing work?
    me: as a woman, with men, i don’t do anything i don’t truly want to do… or something like that.
    the next thing i know
    theres an email saying he just favorited me.
    this is so exciting! im having so much fun!!
    rori is opening up a whole new world for me.

  61.  #61marina on December 26, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Dear Daria,
    I’d like to tell you, I love you and what you do here.
    I love to see you work through things yourself, I love the great tips and youtube videos you post and the way you help other Sirens and make Rori’s tools even more clear to us.

    It was your riffing on one of the other threads (what is this lady doing?! was my first thought) that made me curious and why I kept coming back here and started writing here myself.

    I hope one day I will feel like a goddess too 🙂


  62.  #62marina on December 26, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Hmm, lost my last post on the previous article.


    Feeling a little better now.

    Just took some deep breaths and wrote down what fears I feel.

    I feel I have options too.

    I will feel my fear.

    I love my fear.

    I did the

    and got ‘Plenty Cash’ LOL

    Off to bed now!

    Sweet dreams!

    Love, Marina

  63.  #63marina on December 26, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    Goddess Janjune, that sounds great 😀

  64.  #64marina on December 26, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    I feel homesick to my homecountry, it is +25 degrees Celsius there and here it is freezing…:(

  65.  #65janjune on December 26, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    thank you marina! it feels great too!!

    i will be 60 in June of 2011!! would anyone ever believe that this kind of thing could happen? I wouldn’t have believed it!!
    I’m hiding my profile for awhile because i have like 7 men im’ interested in :):) and don’t want anymore right now… lol

    …thank you rori!

  66.  #66marina on December 26, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Hi Janjune,

    😀 Wow, I feel very happy for you!
    Enjoy enjoy enjoy!
    That means there is one guy for every day of the week 😉

    I will tell my Mum about it too, since she is ‘only’ 57,and looking for a new man in her life. Haha, she might even be up here too since I recommended Rori to her…wonder what name she uses…LOL

    Everyday I am more amazed by the wonderfullness of Rori’s wisdom and tools.

  67.  #67Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Marina I responded to you on the other thread.

    Freezing is 2 – 8 degrees Celsius. Brrr!

  68.  #68Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    I mean that’s refrigerated, just above freezing.

  69.  #69Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Janjune…I feel so happy for u accomplishments…My mom is 60 and a widow…hasn’t dated in 7 years since my dad passed away…and she has the attitude as if…it’s too late for her 🙁 I will bring her here hopefully next year and help her change the attitude 🙂

    Wow…:) U go girl 🙂

    Warm hugs 🙂

  70.  #70janjune on December 26, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    can i tell you what i felt when i read about your mom, mum coming on here?

  71.  #71janjune on December 26, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    darling ella,
    yes! tell your mom it works at all ages!

    it’s all about the Tools.

    it doesn’t seems to make sense
    it feels awkward
    it feels unnatural, self-conscious, blahblah and the rest, but

    A) to set safe emotional and physical boundaries B) claim them as one’s own C) communicate them to men D) watch what happens! my version of the RR mantra 🙂
    is what Rori’s program is all about, at least it has been that way for me.

    and tell your moms, mums, men are still just as interested at 60 as they were at 16!
    yaaahoo!! lol

    p.s. DE, have been praying for you re: your post where you were worried. love janjune

  72.  #72Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 5:11 pm


    I am a “new” Siren…about two months….purchased and viewed two of Rori’s programs…and eprogram…Gosh, I so wished I had learned ab much sooner…:(…Mind opening indeed…I am watching them again and taking notes…this time paying attention…

    Thank u for the prayers…I really need them…I feel thankful for being on my own feet as far…own my home, have a good job…great opportunities…I have already raised my 11 y old alone for the past 8 years…with very little help…So, yes, it will be an adjustment…but I also feel a blessing is coming 🙂

    I am opening up…for the 1st time I am exposing things I didn’t/don’t feel proud of…:( But in our vulnerability stands our joy and freedom as well 🙂 So, I am happy for doing that at least 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  73.  #73Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Tahnk you GODDESSES!!!


  74.  #74Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Janjune – I encourage you to give yourself permission to feel safe using Paypal – it’s Your account and Hides credit card info from others – that’s the whole purpose of it!

    that being said,

    I’d feel really godo to received that super charged gem and plant money

    e-mail me at

    and i will give you my mailing address


  75.  #75Ella on December 26, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    I wanted to tell you all about something that happened to me the other day.

    I went to see some friends in a town nearby and met them in a pub and while I was at the bar I felt a tap on my shoulder and who should show up but Mr Feelgood.

    He was the one who I dated for a few weeks and then disappeared after his ex showed back up…

    I did not contact him although I found it difficult to deal with him just disappearing, it triggered me and my abandonment and rejection issues from the past.

    When it happened I was ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED that no matter what I would not lean forward. And I stuck with that, even though it was really hard, to the point where I even typed out a text but didn’t send it. I am so glad that I didn’t now!

    So anyway it has been about a month or two since I’ve seen him. I was wondering whether he would show back up and if he did how things would be different than they used to be when guys disappeared and I reacted by leaning forward and panicking.

    So I got this tap on the shoulder and turned around and it was him. Well of course a few emotions started flying around however I just relaxed and remembered strong on the inside, soft on the outside. So I smiled, said hello and then just leaned back.

    Well he began talking and asking how I was. He immediately apologised for ‘acting like an a-hole’ and offered to buy me a drink.

    So then he wanted to explain why he hadn’t been in touch and said that his ex turning back up just messed up his head and he was all over the place and then time passed and it was too late to contact me. He said he messed up.

    So I just listened and then he asked what I thought.

    I just said I had felt disappointed and confused when he had not been in touch as I had enjoyed spending time with him, however I just accepted that for whatever reason that was how it was at that time.

    All the time I held eye contact, leaned back and remained soft on the outside.

    Well he kept moving closer and I kept moving back to the point where we ended up moving around the bar quite a bit.

    Then he asked if I was seeing anyone else and I told him I was dating someone.

    Well he started asking loads of questions about it and making a few sarcastic comments.

    Well I kept talking in feeling messages and holding my boundaries.

    So later in the night he said he made a mistake and the he F*cked up by letting me go.

    Basically he asked me whether there was any chance of picking up where we left off and I said I did not feel comfortable with that.

    Later he asked how I would react if he kissed me and I said I would not feel comfortable and that I did not want that.

    Later still he tried to kiss me anyway but I moved away.

    The funny thing is I did not really find him attractive anymore however it felt good knowing that I had behaved in a way that I feel proud of and painted me in a very good light in his eyes.

    Its like I became much more valuable in his eyes because of how I behaved but, more importantly I felt more valuable and proud of myself. It raised my self esteem because I put myself and my happiness first by my behaviour and that made me feel so good!

    And the funniest thing was I no longer felt attracted to him. So it seems his flaky behaviour is no longer appealing to me!

    Anyway I just wanted to share that as it is a real feel good experience for me, and another testament to the RR way working.

    Feels good!

  76.  #76Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    I have been doing standing Chi Gung poses – they feel really good after, like i’ve done a workout

    and it’s a lot easier to talk myself into standing for 3 minutes than to move in a certain way haha

    im gonna do it today too!

  77.  #77janjune on December 26, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    im logging off for now.

    BIG warm huuuuuuggg to you, marina, on this cold winter’s day. sorry you’re feeling homesick.
    my great grandma used to say being homesick was the worst kind of sick anyone could be. (i used to get homesick and cry when i stayed with my grandparents) she always cuddled me and patted me and stroked my arms with her soft beautiful warm wrinkled hands while i sat on her lap in the rocking chair. nobody else seemed to understand how bad being homesick felt. im crying thinking about how lovely she was.
    so huuuugggs to you dear one, my heart is with you today.

  78.  #78Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 5:19 pm


    I love the song 🙂 I feel so connected with this kind of rhythm… Gosh, is that u ???? I recall a few blogs back a bit of u story…Are u currently in Spain or France???

  79.  #79Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 5:22 pm


    I think what I should really do is just not get involved in the conflicts of others. I am going to do my best to stay out in the future. God knows there’s enough trouble in my own life already.

  80.  #80marina on December 26, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    Hi Darling Ella,

    It is beautiful isn’t it?

    I was raised and live in cold North Western Europe.
    But I was born in Crete, Greece, still feels like my homecountry.
    The picture you see in the Youtube video is of Natalia, the Greek singer.

    Janjune, I suppose you don’t like the idea of me talking about my family and my Mum reading it?
    Yeah, I thought about that too. Might hurt her if she reads my posts.Which I don’t want.
    She probably is not on here, I will ask her.

    This blog is my new addiction…LOL


  81.  #81Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    358: Rori Raye says:
    Merry Christmas and a great New Year to you, too Jim – we ALWAYS love having a man here to bounce ideas off of. If you read the comments – know that I am encouraging the use of this blog as a sort of free-form journal for everyone (including me) – as well as interaction and support, and that we women are, indeed different from you as a man in that our nervous systems and hormones and training from childhood lead us to different priorities…and the hugest part of what we’re doing here is getting in touch with FEELINGS – even if they feel or sound unpleasant – so that we can learn to express stuff that we’ve stuffed down our whole lives without, as you say, “reacting” in old ways. So – we try not to “filter” and just let it come out “raw” – as long as we stick to what’s inside us and do not judge either ourselves or anyone else. Welcome to the world of being a woman! What you learn here can help you understand what so few men understand — and you’ll find your ability to be with a woman in a great, deep way increases incredibly. Love, Rori

    Friday, 24 December 2010 @ 9:06pm

    359: Brenda says:

    I admire you so much as a role model! How I want to master this gentle communication! Merry Christmas!

    Friday, 24 December 2010 @ 9:19pm

    360: Jim says:
    Ok, I read all 359 comments, frankly, on an emotional level, my opinion is that men and women are identical, exactly the same. So I have a few comments…

    There were some profoundly candid human comments above. I took notes…

    276: Lorelei
    The last paragraph,
    WTF!!! You almost ended it perfect had you just said, giving too… Though I know it is there.

    316: Turtle Girl,

    Though I only list 2 replies here, there were many, more good ones.. the rest best left out.

    There was also a post where you told the gal to disclose all to all men… Very good advice “in deed.”

    Self esteem, self confidence are earned from ourselves, one way or another. There are no short cuts, as far as the saying goes to love one’s self. I also have an addendum for that, Love your neighbor as yourself… and vs vsr.

    I understand what most of these women want. The circular dating thing? Best not to mislead anyone, ever.
    As far as the “tools,” go? As a man, this is the best advice I can ever give a woman or man. Just be yourself.

    I loved my women most when they were just being themselves. No acting, no being how they think I want them to be… Them not acting like I’m supposed to do this or that for them. I’ve got my own mind, like you, I know what to do about us, you do to, leave it alone at that… It’s a lot easier to love when we let it flow up and out, rather than being pulled or pushed intentionally.

    As for the load bearing comment, “No more bf.” Here is a sad and beautiful truth. I will ask a woman to marry me when I want to marry her. Very natural, when a woman expects such a thing, she is not letting him make up his own mind. That will, always will come back to haunt her and him… No tricks, no games, no nudging… no bs… In some ways, we jumped off track and thought that doing the numbers was a good thing. Umm… don’t.

    Have faith in your man. “A woman can put wind in your sails or an anchor through your boat.” Have you got your man’s back? Are you beside him? Do you have faith in him? Again, ” ” HAVE YOU GOT YOUR MAN’S BACK? ” ” I say this to men too, so they too can show it to their women… and maybe somehow through all this, we can all get back to where we belong with one another…

    Another thing, your man is human, there was a comment where the lady didn’t want to be a mommy to him, he was all “needy.” Guess what? You just blew an opportunity to fill your man with strength and love. So, now when you are feeling needy and there’s no one there. You too will get to learn a dear lesson I learned.

    We all expect things in relationships, What do we expect ourselves to give and do? Hmm?

    After all, for me as a guy, there is no greater event, no greater moment, than to be sharing love with my woman. I know the same goes for her too. For all of you that have posted here.

    I say, you want Mr Right, be Ms. Right. Stop worrying about what is his responsibility. He will tend to… You tend too…. Have faith, love despite your intrusive moments with yourself… Do it for, “us.”

    Teach your man the same and he will teach you to love… or if you like… Teach your woman the same and she will teach you to love.

    Maya Angelo said it best, “Where the heart is, everything else will follow.” Look in the mirror, know this, know where your heart is, know it. If it is in a good place, follow it. If not, there’s still time to change the road your on… The rest is up to you ladies… Your the best thing that ever happened to us, need I say more?

    My best wishes, hopes and dreams for all here in.
    Thank you for your time,

  82.  #82Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Janjune – i feel so encouraged and empowered by you!
    I want you to be my coach!

  83.  #83Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Marina – lol THOUGHTS!

    my thought was that Janjune woul think its GREAT!!! that your mom might be here!

  84.  #84Jilly on December 26, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Janjune…I love what you have been sharing today!! 🙂 I feel smiley and happy about it. It’s the best feeling when we learn and use new tools that work for us 🙂

    Ella….any more conversations with Barman about exclusivity?

    Lizzie I miss you posting on here regularly…even though I don’t post alot (more recently) I usually read the blog…

    I wonder whats going on with Renee..

  85.  #85janjune on December 26, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    daria, i feel so excited about send you the gem and plant money!!!!!!!!!!

    i will email you with my email address
    and then you will send your mailing address?? and i will send you the gem and plant money :):):)

    i haven’t looked at your work yet.
    i didn’t feel right looking at it until i completed the agreement i stated to you.

  86.  #86Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    janjune – feel FREE! <— first assignment

    no owing, doing something first, earning, worthiness


    eat the damn turkey skin!

    beat up the bad guy!

    feel free and healing comes QUICK and certain like night

  87.  #87Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    in my dream, i wouldn’t have wound up confronting the scary ish talking girls, realizing i could overpower the bigger girl,
    OR get vulnerable and apologize for indeed eating stuff without asking or saying it feels bad to be talked about


  88.  #88Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:35 pm



  89.  #89Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Lizzie and Amberina…you are my dahlings! and I am so happy and thrilled that you both sound good – despite the being the role model for molding young minds issues.

    Lizzie – HOW can one melt a meat thermometer? How in the world was the meat? too funny.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you found someone!!! And so now I decree family man better not come around and mess you up on a good thing, huh?

    Brenda, you are great with your messages I definitely didn’t take it as a commment at or to me, just a how you felt about the post – not even about the person.

    Janjune – I didn’t even mention Daria? So I don’t get it, but good for you if you want to take up for her, that’s great. (and believe me, I’d love to get my Unemployment back – the man totally lied to me about the situation I’m working in – badly.)

    I find it odd that people comment more on me, as a subject, than on the things I post about.

    And it’s sad that a feeling message can be “I hate you and wish you would go away,” and somehow that makes someone a hero? or a martyr, cuz I didn’t get the Erika connection.

    But I’m glad I got some time to catch up, esp. with old friends!

    Lizzie in Love? Just….WOW!!!!

    Loving love,

  90.  #90Daria on December 26, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Good Vibe University
    ‎”It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” Dale Carnegie

  91.  #91janjune on December 26, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    no, i was going to ask you, if you felt good about this,
    when your mum comes on the blog encourage her to disguise herself from you in some way so that you can’t tell it’s her… so she can feel free and safe to say and do and express anything she wants :):):)
    of course, she wouldn’t post under her own name but maybe even switch up her age and or location or whatever so that you won’t know which comments are your own mothers. and maybe you could do the same so you both feel free…

  92.  #92Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Jacqueline, I feel angry. you brought up daria before she even posted anything at all in this thread. i feel super mistrustful right now.

  93.  #93Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    @64: janjune says:

    “…i will be 60 in June of 2011!!…”

    Congratulations! You’re catching up with me! 😀


  94.  #94janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    it does feel to me like your attacking daria when you make comments about her lifestyle and the choices she makes.
    yes i’m taking up for her because this is like the third or fourth time i’ve read something that you wrote to her that made me cringe and im not even on the blog that much.

    i’ll point it out again too if i see something that feels that way to me, because i can see from your comments that you don’t feel you understand what it is that i’m referring to and i don’t have time or feel like going back to find it.

    you’re a magical wonderful sweet funny SMART goddess who contributes to everybody’s life by being here. I love the comments you make and the wisdom you share and all of your skills that you’re so generous about sharing too. we’ve had some moments, i feel, between us, where you’ve really touched me and added depth to my life and understanding of some concepts while i was working through my riffing a while back. love you for that. i really mean these things and im glad to the opportunity to say them to you.

    but please realize that we’re all on our own horses and what one goddess does is really not up for comment/criticism by others. it just kinda ruins the blog. i love you jacq, i hope you take these things the way i mean them.

  95.  #95janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Darling Ella #71
    yes, it feels great to have a place a safe place to come and dump it all out, raw, as rori says, doesn’t it? 🙂

    i’ve been following along with you the best i can since i can’t get on here that much. but it sounds like you’re doing great. babysteps.
    hugggs to you.

  96.  #96Luzydel on December 26, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    Frustrated 🙁 I was suppose to meet a guy Tuesday and I don’t remember if I said I will meet at his town, I said I do not like to drive in the snow so he said well I meet you at your place then. I wanted to meet halfway, because it seemed fair for both of us, but he seemed either I drive all the way to him or him will drive all the way here.
    I don’t like this idea. I said yes, but I feel like canceling and saying to forget about it. He said he is not familiar with my state so he does not know where we can meet halfway.

    I agreed, but I do not feel good of giving all the control yet. Meeting half way makes me feel I am still making some decisions and less guilty if I don’t like the guy later.

  97.  #97janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    slv #92

    teehee… 🙂

    hey baby, we’re still hot …

    ssszzzzz (that’s a sizzle) loooool

  98.  #98Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    please, let him come to your city. he is masculine energy, and that has nothing to do with you needing to feel obligated or pressured if you don’t like him. it sounds like a great opportunity to practice being in girl energy instead of trying to give something to “make up for” you not liking him as much as you think you should.

  99.  #99janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    daria #81,

    i will be your coach 🙂
    you have helped me so much.
    it’s a pleasure to think that could be returned.

  100.  #100Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    aha moment – no the dissin started on the previous post, so I was tripping that you all were saying I started something

    265: Daria says:
    was feeling good… felt bad when i read Jaqueline write so see? leaning back isnt isnt present in my world

    that felt like TIGHTening in my tummy and mouth turned down

    i feel disappointed that i came feeling good and now felt bad over something that seems so remote from me

    i feel disappointed

    i love my feelings

    was feeling really godo wiht my fam


    even when i thought i wasnt – webcam – i DID!

    and got some socks and new books and chocolate on top of it

    and a new phone! a touch phone!!


    they liked what i gave them

    i made them cards on the computer with beautiful pictures

    Friday, 24 December 2010 @ 11:16pm

    Wow, so I’m the genie in the bottle of Daria’s feelings? And the next thing I hear is I hate you go away….

    okay, consider it done. LOL…

    for now – and for all who JUMPED on this/it/me – maybe this is an interesting mirror that there are underlying assumptions being made and words being thrown around – such as I’m mistrustful – and aint no one asking what I’m saying???

    Fact checking instead of name calling would be great – or simply assume I am here enjoying being here and not asking for other people to tell me how I MAKE THEM feel???

    Wow, this is so heavy – I feel really sad that everyone is so defensive and ready to jump…..

    without even asking why I feel what I feel.

  101.  #101janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    also, i know you gave that info about the physical and etheric clearing freely.

    i accept it from you that way too.

    however, i made a stated contract with you out into the universe that i want to honor, which was to trade the info in your head for a bit of currency and i wanted to keep my end of the agreement, out in the universe, as an act of personal integrity on my part. because i said i would.

  102.  #102Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    janjune – now I’m wanting you to take up for me…grin…

    but really, I’m just going with it’s all fine and everyone is where they are!


  103.  #103Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 6:24 pm


    Sorry to hear you were deceived as to the nature of your job and that it’s so difficult. Are you literally on call 24/7? If so, that is illegal. I hope you set your boundaries there and not let the employer take advantage of you as an employee.

  104.  #104janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    jilly #83,
    thanks! i can feel your heart in you cheering me on!
    it feels really good.
    hugggs jilly!

  105.  #105janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    i’ve never seen you in a spot where you needed to be taken up for :), but if i ever do, you can bet, i’ve got your back.

  106.  #106janjune on December 26, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    goodnight goddesses,

    i’m going to retire to the Lagoon
    for a soak in my new lavendar and myrtle bath salts while sipping tea by candlelight.

    Mermaid janjune

  107.  #107Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 6:39 pm


    I read u blog/story…Beautiful story and it took a lot of courage to share…Thank u…

    I still feel defensive about the recent post u made about Daria…her riffing never feels as an attack…:) She used feeling messages…I feel sad u felt it as an attack and therefore u attacked back…:)

    Is it possible u felt triggered by it??? Annoyed maybe, envious of her freelance young spirit?

    I made some self realizations on this blog (based on being triggered and judgmental of others) that really make me ponder over the question…what if??? there is a better way??? than my old way???? ~With structured, factual, and clear cut expected results…~

    With that in mind…I proceed to experience…and feeling hopeful 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  108.  #108Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    @96: janjune says:
    “slv #92
    hey baby, we’re still hot …
    ssszzzzz (that’s a sizzle) loooool..”

    I’ve been checking ads in CL–yeah, I know some of the sirens have had some unpleasantness with CL but still I think it’s a resource– I found a few nice ads by 55 plus women, some things for me to think about when I’ll write ads. I’ll guess I’ll be in the 59plus, 60-something group… D


  109.  #109Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    Hey, Bren – yeah, I’ve wondered if I can indeed prove that they falsified my job description? But it is maybe better than unemployment and although it’s been a huge battle, it’s one I’m winning in the sense that I know just how bad things are, and am in contact with the owner’s guy – who is the boss above my boss. And yeah, all the other managers are on call 24/7 – I split my weeks with my Assistant, who is actually my biggest problem. She hates hates to work and is the most inaccurate person ever.

    Anyway, there are plusses and minuses. Would I have done it if I knew the truth? H*ll NO!!!

    So….maybe I’m exactly where I ought to be and there will be good to come from it?

    But yeah, my first Saturday, the girl called me THIRTY NINE times….

    her main method seems to be trying to drive me crazy. lol….

    She just didn’t reckon on who she was trying to drive, huh?

    For now, it’s okay – and you’re a big help. I’ve worked for an individual owner for 18 years so I have little knowledge of HR or corporate stuff – and this girl totally does (I think she has someone coaching her?)….but I also have made huge improvements just since I’ve been there that to quote the owner has noticed.

    Anyway, if I get in a bind I’ll be writing you – thanks!

    And everyone have a great transition week….


  110.  #110Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    I don’t like to read “I don’t like you go away” “I hate you” or those kinds of things when directed at other sirens.


  111.  #111Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Ella, thanks, and yes! Daria and I have triggered each other for ever seems like….but no I don’t envy anything about her youth or lifestyle. I’m really good with me creating my own opportunities, etc.

    And hey – the job situation? I forgot to tell you all it’s 5 miles from my house, and is a water view just like my house too!!

    So I manifested fabulously – the quaintness, the no commute, the fab view….

    I just missed the part where it needed to be functional. Grin..

    Thanks for caring so much for all of us…


  112.  #112Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 6:49 pm


    I’m still catching up on posts, don’t know if anyone said or not but you can send money by PayPal by sending to person’s e-mail account, the one they atttach to their PayPal account. No other mailing address is needed.

    I hope this helps.


  113.  #113Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    SLV – I think it was Barb in Oz I couldn’t convince – but the guy I live with I met from Craigslist. There are absolutely real guys on there – and you’ll find you can quickly tell who they are. It’s mostly 300 posts a day for S*X….but those other 10 guys? They are really real, and usually a little lost.

    Good luck with it and I hope you enjoy the journey; mine took 2 years! and it’s still not sure if it’s done.


  114.  #114Daria on December 26, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    Brrr vrrr

    Not reading possibly triggering posts.

    Feeling sad and Dissapointed… There’s that word again!

    About cd messing up plans for tonite Again.

    Feeling mad and talking to him felt a lil bit better…
    Still feeling dissapointed tho ugh

    I want to really do that eft around the disappointment feeling.

  115.  #115Jim on December 26, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Allow me to introduce myself, God Jim… Welcome to my world and glad to be in yours.

    I notice you posted most from my other post? Hmm?
    I’m flattered, thank you.

    99: jac & Daria,
    Ladies, I understand there is tension?
    Ok dammit, I’ll say I’m sorry first, I don’t care who started it. Jac & Daria, I’m sorry.

  116.  #116Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 7:00 pm


    We just met and you’re already ready to make the aint too proud to beg call?

    Love you…heeee…..

    I’m Jacqueline and I think you’re cute. And I love it when people shake the board up – sounds like you were doing quite the shake up…..

    And what interests you in being drenched in estrogen?

    Or, It feels good to have you here, Jim, I like it – what do you think?


  117.  #117Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    I feel curious about expressing my feelings around I hate u and I don’t want u around.

    I know for a toxic man we can say I don’t want to talk to u, I don’t want to see u.

    Seems like that can extend to a woman too

    Also I hate u… Hmm triggering yes, an in the moment feeling yes

    Ok so gating judged by others opinions yeah.,, but still working to liberate all my feelings for my own wellbeing.

    The more I expand and express myself here the more naturally it comes to me to express myself with men.

    Even if they dont think I should express it.

    Thoughts don’t matter.


    Loving myself for selecting what I read for working my triggers for doing me.

    Loving myself for feeling anger hatred go awaymess – fear? – for those things that appear to be what I don’t want.

    I dont. Want to feel unheard.

    I am taking good care of me lalala.

    I am in Daria bubble.

    I still catch some references of feeling unencouraged to express fully, and..,

    That’s ok cuz I love me!

    Baby steps!

    Be full me!

    Even accept that I want some people to go away ( new experiment)

    Tho what might feel better than that is to feel loved and Sade with those people.

    Going away feels better than feeling scared and put down w them.

  118.  #118Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Yay a cd called and he might come get me he said he’ll let me kno either way. I feel excited!!

  119.  #119Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    I’m in love w Daria boo!

  120.  #120Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 7:07 pm


    Thanks, please stick around the blog. I wrote you a long post and another general update and lost both of them. We’ll talk another time I’m sure.

    I’m doing a lot of checking of CL ads and I’m making some interesting observations, probably only interesting to me… 😆

    I had bad feelings reading some of your posts when I was a recent arrival to the blog but I persevered anyway; I usually do. My mouth used to fall open
    sometimes though… LOL LOL LOL 😆 I used to say to myself… “oh, no she didn’t”… hee hee 😆

    But my mouth falls open at other stuff I read too so maybe it’ll give me a little face life… I think I actually wrote that about one of your posts, some months ago. I was pretty sure you had a sense of humor and you didn’t mind. 😀

    Please stay.


  121.  #121Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    I Can skip posts yippeeedoah I can I can…

    I remember when I almost felt like I wouldn’t resist getting pulled into the drama.

    But I Am and I feel so powerful and amused and better than! Nanahnahnahnah! 😛

    You can’t touch me u can’t touch me!


    I am the bomb diggety!

    I am the coolest motherfuc*ker on earth!

    I am super sophisticated and sluicingly geially genius

    I am the goddess of feathers.

    Stumbling into the lap of mama dark and love I am the hot and red and almond and the dough colored hands that rolls out for the pastries.

    I am super human woman.

    I’m so super I am Human!

    I’m Super human.

    Humaner than a speeding bullet humaner than a rabid dog or than disheveled dog ear slippers.

    I am That human that swallowed the world and pooped some of it out! Full of new life and jewels!

  122.  #122Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Hero Jim,

    Sorry, I don’t feel comfy calling anyone God but God. But you can be a hero in my book! So glad you’ve joined us!

    What would you advise me to do if I am in love with a man and we have both made serious mistakes in the past, and he said we can be friends with no romance, yet he won’t even return my texted Christmas greeting?

    If you were that man, what would feel good to you? I am in love with him, but I am only wanting to be friends, because of the past issues. I am hoping over time we can have a romance again. What do you think?

  123.  #123Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    LOL 😆

  124.  #124Jacqueline on December 26, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    SLV – I absolutely will stay and thanks! Would have loved to read the long post – I miss so many people here, but somehow this is a form of “home” to me….and I am so THRILLED that you hung in there long enough to see the real me – and that I could be of assistance to your face. heeee….

    The job thing wears me down and out – I come home and have to take a nap to get the energy to bathe….smile….

    but I’ll always be back. I love the never ending story….all of it, and I don’t want it to ever end.

    I’m glad I found it and can be a part of it – and that I can let it go and walk away too. It’s cool.

    If anyone wants to talk and I haven’t been around – I’m at or

    Probably see you all next year!!! Whoohoooo…..

    celebration and releasing time!


  125.  #125Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    I’m feeling rather fairy princess tonight. I have thousands of little white lights in dozens of evergreen plants in my garden outside my windows.

    Now all the trees and gardens are covered in snow twinkling under the canopy of more hundreds of white fairy lights and the big Christmas tree in the center of the gardens.

    I am fabulously fortunate to walk under the lights everytime I leave and return. I feel so so delicious!

    I love my secret garden and it’s a really big one too! 😀

    But no sweetie is here to share the lights. I like little white lights inside too.


  126.  #126Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    I feel excited!

    Than guilty!

    Then dismissive – I don’t want to feel guilty because someone will judge me for feeling happy at something they’re not happy about.

    Blah. I’m happy! Excited at feeling safe to read posts wout carefully screening out ones that might attack me to make sure I dont accidentally read something that feels bad.

    No I don’t want feel bad stuff in my life.

    I rejoice for the departure of feelbad stuff.

    Aww I want the feel good stuff, but not the feel bad.

    Is that a possibility?

    I I don’t know. I dint feel safe or trusting.

    I feel mad closed in.

    Close the doors!

    I still want warm and open to feel good but I don’t want Any feel bad and I don’t trust this person to deliver stuff that doesnt feel bad and the truth is for me it has consistently felt bad for some time and I’d feel better to not feel bad!



    Feeling excited, playing and swirling these surface feelings.

    I want to draw a goddess w a bunch if bitch dogs, sone of them w puppies and her very fierce.

    Like the wolfstresses

  127.  #127Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    i have a cd tomorrow night but i don’t feel like going. actually i am feeling like taking myself on a date to the movies to see burlesque. maybe he wouldn’t mind rescheduling?

    i can be pretty selfish though mostly i don’t care because i’m a brat, so maybe i should run this decision by some other people.

  128.  #128Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Jim – hehe I feel smily.! Thanks for apologizing!


  129.  #129Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 7:23 pm


    I’ll check your blog.

    Maybe still look for another job…? You might find something better for 2011.


  130.  #130Jim on December 26, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    The God Jim thing started 30 years ago with friends, it’s really just a joke about me, by my friends when I began thinking for myself.

    As for your man?
    Not much to go on there… Details are important in any decision. More data… Though with what you gave me, I would have returned the text (shows respect and concern regardless the status of your relationship) I think you are trying, that is very good.

    You not getting a reply? Could be anything, didn’t get it. Doesn’t want to respond. Anything… So best to not speculate till you know more..

  131.  #131Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 7:30 pm


    A little girl said, ‘I know all about
    Adoption, I was adopted..’

    ‘What does it mean to be adopted?’, asked
    Another child.

    ‘It means’, said the girl, ‘that you grew
    In your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy!’

  132.  #132Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    @126: Dorothea says:

    “…mostly i don’t care because i’m a brat…”

    Recently, some guy called me a “brat” but he was loving it. I like to have fun so in some ways I’ll be a brat forever.


  133.  #133Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 7:36 pm


    Thank you! I guess I feel uncomfortable including too much detail, for fear of tiring the Sirens with details they are most likely sick of hearing already. 🙂

    In a nutshell, I think I’ve initiated too much in the past, and he’s become resistant to my over-functioning. I also see him as passive-aggressive and as having control issues.

    I know he got it, unless his phone is broken or something. Cuz I over-functioned yet again, texting him three times. Experience tells me he most likely got it and is being passive-aggressive and showing me he does the initiating.

    Our last contact was 2 weeks ago, when we had a very positive half hour conversation. I felt very good about our friendship after that.

    Now I feel frustrated all over again. Do I have any choices other than to go back into silence? I hate silence as a form of communication.

  134.  #134Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    I feel really weird hearing Brenda call a non answer passive aggressiveness. It feels weird.

    I don’t want to believe that my choice not to answer when I don’t want to is passive aggressiveness.

    I see it as moving away from someone who is invading my energetic space. I don’t want my energetic space invaded.

    I feel really unseen and disfigured being called passive aggressive.

    I am not obligated to answer, and I honor my boundary.

    I feel angry to hear my behavior labeled. That feels disturbing. I dint want that in my life.

    It feels unhealthy. I don’t want someone to dump emotionally on me w their energy. Blah.

    I would feel smothered, disrespected, and then betrayed in this situation.

    I would feel compassion for Brenda but I wouldn’t feel very turned off and unsafe.

    That feels disappointing.

    Will Brenda ever heal and treat me w healthy respect?

    I don’t know, but I wouldn’t get closer to her while her energy was directed at dumping on and labeling me.

    I feel sad to see Brenda abandon and humiliate herself and powerless to stop it and that feels bad.

    The best I can do would be to treat her in a healthy boundary way and not respond to her manipulation and invasion.

  135.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    @21: Rosa says:

    “I took SLV’s advice and bought myself good French eau de toilette, a small frypan and lingerie. I was not therefore disappointed.”

    Yea! Isn’t it fun?! I didn’t wrap any gifts for myself this year. This was a very light Christmas for gifts but a big Christmas for happy feelings.

    However, I did treat myself to the art agenda calendar instead of waiting until January and getting a plan office supply type. So that is my “to me” gift.

    I’m also giving myself another gift on New Year’s Day, another practical but fun gift.

    “…I have a mental block on eye gazing and interecting with men. I need HELP…”

    I need help too. I’ve done some two-second gazes and a few three-second gazes. Have you tried that?

    Two or three seconds seems like a very long time when you are doing it!

    I’ve usually eye-gazed while walking on sidewalk, aiming at guys approaching me from opposite direction. That way, we pass each other and if it doesn’t go so well….well…they are gone and I’m not in a room looking at them…I must work my way up to that…


  136.  #136Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 7:53 pm


    An eye witness account from New York
    City , on a cold day in December,
    Some years ago: A little boy,
    About 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the
    Roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering
    With cold.

    A lady approached the young boy and said,
    ‘My, but you’re in such deep thought staring in that window!’

    ‘I was asking God to give me a pair of
    Shoes,’was the boy’s reply.

    The lady took him by the hand, went into
    The store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks
    For the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water
    And a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

    She took the little fellow to the back
    Part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed
    His little feet, and dried them with the towel.

    By this time, the clerk had returned with
    The socks.. Placing a pair upon the boy’s feet, she purchased him
    a pair of shoes..

    She tied up the remaining pairs of socks
    And gave them to him.. She patted him on the head and said, ‘No
    Doubt, you will be more comfortable now.’

    As she turned to go, the astonished kid
    Caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears
    In his eyes, asked her.
    ‘Are you God’s wife?’

  137.  #137Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 7:56 pm


    Maybe I didn’t express myself fully in my effort to crystalize the nature of our relationship. I intended to say the compilation of Ryan’s behavior over a period of two years has been almost consistently passive-aggressive, or at the very least, passive.

    I wondered if his non-response was passive aggressive, but I don’t really know. I can’t know. And I won’t waste my time trying to read his mind.

  138.  #138Daria on December 26, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    Fuc*k you!

    I did the standing pose chi gung. Yum. I’ve been feeling great ever since.

    I also did Donna eden’s 5 min energizer this morning and that felt awesome.

  139.  #139Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    133: Daria says:

    “I feel really weird hearing Brenda call a non answer passive aggressiveness. It feels weird. ”

    OK. I feel really weird reading Brenda’s post calling a schizophrenic a passive aggresive with control issues.

    Perhaps I feel sorry for Ryan, or perhaps I’m triggered because my adorable, younger brother has mental illness. He told me yesterday about some woman who was after him and he was trying to let her down easy.

    Women go after him all the time. He’s tall, handsome, artistic looking, wears his long hair pulled back and tied. Our family members talk of this and consider most of the women desperate or looking for sex. My brother will candidly point them out and tell me which ones he has “used.” That’s his word: “used.” He’s very sweet.


  140.  #140Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Brenda – I feel 🙁

    Men withdraw when women take the masculine role.

    Texting 3 times in a row is overwhelming to most women – can be a red flag of unhealthy behavior.

    None of my CDs have texted me merry Christmas 3 times. Once is great.

    So I imagine it’s even worse to a man to receive that.


    Feels bad to see u abandon urself in this unhealthy way.

    I hope soon you will be able to hug your lil girl and give her live when she feels that anxiety and reaches out – instead of reaching out to somewhere else to fill that… Because you are the one she wants, the one that can fill her.

    Other stuff just won’t work.
    It really does help, and it gets better faster than can be expected.

    You will start to respect yourself, and you’ll naturally respect men more too.

  141.  #141Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Wow the coincidences

  142.  #142Jim on December 26, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    I like aggressive women and I like being aggressive. I don’t think a woman being aggressive is masculine.

  143.  #143Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Jim – I hear you… I wouldn’t feel comfortable being aggressive. I feel more feminine when the man is aggressive.

    Although, 3 texts in a row to wish me merry Christmas would feel scary to me – that kind of aggressiveness seems unstable and unsafe.

  144.  #144Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    Jim – My aggression takes the form of passionate feeling expression.
    What does feminine aggression ( the one that’s not masculine) look like to you?

  145.  #145Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 8:22 pm


    Maybe you are just odd. I painted a picture of myself engaged with a ring on my finger and inviting my fiance to my house after Christmas shopping. I treated him to a sandwich, fruit and cheese, cake.

    Later we sipped wine, listened to Christmas music and cuddled on the sofa in a dimmed room watching the twinkling lights on Christmas tree and lights draped around the windows.

    I was told my behaviour was “overfunctioning” and “ICK.” Maybe it was considered worse.

    That’s OK, I might be just as odd as you are. I enjoy that kind of thing very much.


  146.  #146Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Ugh, I feel so weary of feeling misunderstood on this blog. Over and over I just feel like saying FORGET IT! NEVERMIND! I DON’T EXIST! RYAN DOESN’T EXIST! I’M NOT DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE NEITHER OF US EXIST!

    SLV, Have you ever heard me talk about Ryan? If not, I feel surprised, because I’ve known him 3 years, and I’ve talked about him repeatedly since I’ve been posting on the blog the past 9 months.

    Again, I was characterizing, crystallizing, summarizing, and distilling the nature of my relationship with Ryan and what he is like for the purpose of not going thru it all for the umpteenth time, since I perceived that everyone was getting tired of hearing about Ryan.

    I am talking about a man with whom I am in love. I am not trying to decimate him. I am so fu*cking in love with him I don’t even want to say, since all I feel is picked apart.

    Just cuz I state his shortcumings doesn’t mean I don’t like him.

    Daria, just because I texted him 3 times doesn’t mean it was all in a row and doesn’t mean it was all three a Christmas greeting.

    No one gets an accurate perception of reality when they assume the worst.

    Oh fu*ck it, nevermind. Jim, if and only if you feel like responding, my email is I don’t feel like discussing it on here anymore. I feel stuck in the mud like I’m spinning my wheels.

  147.  #147Jim on December 26, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    144: SVL
    Sorry, I missed you being called odd…
    Very nice, hope you enjoyed..

  148.  #148Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Slv – that would be somewhat overfunctioning… Unless it was just giving back.

    Meaning the man regularlyinvited You places, got You yummy food and wine you liked, put on Your gave music and perhaps a coat especially for You and cuddled and massaged You.

    Then yes, giving back the way you described might feel lovely.

    Generally, feminine energy – is the Pampered one.

    Male or female.

    In your scenario, it seemed he’s being both invited and pampered.

  149.  #149Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Brenda – hmm I feel mistrustful.

    As I understand you texted 3 times w no answer from him in between.

    Your behavior is Not Healthy from my perspective.

  150.  #150Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Jim – I don’t want to argue with you ( really )

    I am feeling a lil vulnerable to be aggressive here lol but

    I really do feel curious what you as a man think aggressive feminine behavior looks like. Is this when a woman propositions you for sex? Asks for your number? Bakes you a cake?

    Seriously what do u think?

  151.  #151Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    146: Jim says:
    144: SVL
    Sorry, I missed you being called odd…
    Very nice, hope you enjoyed..

    I was never called “odd.” The described behaviour was called “overfunctioning” and “ICK” which I didn’t particularly enjoy.

    I called you “odd.” Odd in that you enjoy–did you use that word?–or implied you don’t mind? such as:

    Jim says:

    “…I like aggressive women and I like being aggressive. I don’t think a woman being aggressive is masculine…

    I’ve learned that I’m not feminine but it’s OK, I’m going to run with “womanly” instead.


  152.  #152Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    There’s an explosion going on inside me that is NOT safe to express on the blog. I feel sad that I don’t feel safe here.

  153.  #153Jim on December 26, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Daria 143:
    You said it better than I could have, thanks, perfect.

  154.  #154Jim on December 26, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    I sent you an email, hope you got it??

  155.  #155Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 8:44 pm


    “Meaning the man regularlyinvited You places, got You yummy food and wine you liked, put on Your gave music and perhaps a coat especially for You and cuddled and massaged You.”

    Yup, as described, a man who proposed marriage, I accepted and thus I considered us committed to each other and in a real relationship. My sweetie and enjoying ourselves during the holiday season, nothing complicated or expensive. 😀 and I had a big old sparkly on my finger…or maybe a little teeny sparkly or something…


  156.  #156Jim on December 26, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    150: SLV

    DId I say that, the bottom of your post?

  157.  #157Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    I asked my cd if we could do a diff night. he said he guesses he doesn’t have a problem with that, just really wants to see me cuz i’m awesome. hehe cute. i told him the truth. he laughed when i said i want to see burlesque. what? i like burlesque. anyway i am really looking forward to my date with myself tomorrow night 😀

  158.  #158Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Everything’s fine! I don’t have any problems! Let’s just stay stuck on petty issues here and dissect semantics so we can avoid any real issues. Talk to you next year…I’m going to call Ryan.

  159.  #159Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    when AG snd I first posted ob this blig, we felt not ry feminine and called ourselves,Half man.

  160.  #160Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Jim – thanks for answering… And… I feel dissapointed… I was hoping for some new insights from ur descriptions

  161.  #161Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    “Just cuz I state his shortcumings doesn’t mean I don’t like him. ”

    I think you do like him. I’ve read many times that you do. I believe you do like Ryan. I’ve also read many times that he suffers with schizophrenia yet you are now telling Jim that Ryan is passive aggressive with control issues and no mention whatsoever of his schizophrenia.

    I believe a medically diagnosed illness is as important as your analysis of a mental condition. And yes I do feel a little weird reading you asking Jim for advice and not mentioning it yet supplying your own diagnosis.

    Yeah, maybe I’m just triggered by disregard of a man’s diagnosed mental illness, a illness so severe that he receives disability benefits.


  162.  #162Daria on December 26, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    Slv – It felt concerning concerning that those wonderful dates that ahoy were pampered in didn’t come up in your description… But the you giving part did

  163.  #163Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 8:57 pm


    “In your scenario, it seemed he’s being both invited and pampered.”

    I enjoy being a boy… tee hee :lol


  164.  #164Jim on December 26, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    You lost me?
    Maybe you could explain yourself more clearly, I thought I answered.

  165.  #165Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 9:02 pm


    Yes, I quoted you at bottom of my post. When I wrote “odd” I was referring to that post… 😀

    Here it is in total:

    “141: Jim says:
    I like aggressive women and I like being aggressive. I don’t think a woman being aggressive is masculine.”

    Do you think your taste and opinion are “odd?” “Usual?”


  166.  #166Daria on December 26, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Brenda – I feel a bit strange and detached.

    I get the impression that you’re throwing a tantrum right now and passive aggressively deflecting Attebtion to avoid looking at your behavior truthfully.

    This behaviour of repeatedly texting and expecting response is not healthy. I would feel scared receiving it from a man.

    What do u think is the true purpose of your behavior right now?

  167.  #167Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    i feel so sad that other men are stepping in and stepping up in courting me. it feels sad to think that LI might not end up being the last one standing, all because i have this standard of wanting to feel completely safe and wanted. i feel twisted up and weird.

  168.  #168Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 9:13 pm


    “161: Daria says:
    Slv – It felt concerning concerning that those wonderful dates that ahoy were pampered in didn’t come up in your description… But the you giving part did..”

    Some things get lost in translation. This was in reply to Jeanette and her concerns about her fiance, money issues…

    I described a little casual get together for two girlfriends and “hypotheticalized” [maybe this is not a word…but you know what I mean?] it as if for an engaged committed man/woman couple. Everything the same including the dimmed lights for the Christmas lights… but added the sofa cuddle instead of the gossipy girl talk… 😆

    Lots of fun and didn’t cost much money. I hoped to share some suggestion for happy times. I think I got punched instead on blog… 😥 It’s OK, I had a IRL fun day anyway.


  169.  #169Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 9:16 pm


    I hear u and feel u 🙁 I also feel concerned…yet, I sense u are looking for validation…for your feelings of love and concern for Ryan…He exists indeed and he is a part of u…

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to call him or txt him…the main concern is if u are expecting something in return from him…

    I don’t want to see u hurt…yet, u are already hurt…Not sure what would make u feel better at this moment…Wished I was there for u to give u a big warm hug and a massage 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  170.  #170Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 9:18 pm


    I feel like I am on a sinking ship, panicking and clawing for air while two trying-to-be-helpful women are encouraging me to adjust pictures on the wall. At the same time, they are telling me that my sunglasses are a little sideways, asking if they can straighten them out for me.

    Excuse me, I’m busy gasping for air.

  171.  #171Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 9:21 pm


    Some people on here get triggered when I say the word, “Schizophrenia”. They run to Rori and complain about me. Like I said from the door, people are sick of hearing me talk about the same things. Just like I am sick of being hen-pecked.

  172.  #172Jim on December 26, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    To all,
    Brenda’s grief is, as it appears to me, traumatic, that means there is trauma going on within her. I’m not a doctor, she is hurting.

    So you all have a choice here, inflict more pain in her or just accept her as grieving. How do want to be treated when your in grief.

    BTW, I’m not taking up for her, any more than I would anyone else here. So put that in your triggers…

  173.  #173Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    Darling Ella and Jim,

    Thank you!

  174.  #174Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    @170: Brenda says:
    “SLV, Some people on here get triggered when I say the word, “Schizophrenia”. They run to Rori and complain about me. Like I said from the door, people are sick of hearing me talk about the same things. Just like I am sick of being hen-pecked.”

    I don’t know who “they” are or what the complaint could possibly about merely mentioning the word “schizophrenia.” What was the actual complaint?

    We all have, including me, brought up some issues more than once. I don’t know of anyone complaining about that.

    Your question was directed to Jim. I don’t know Jim, don’t recall him posting here or being available for your previous posts.

    My take on your query to him is that it’s disingenuous not to reveal that your friend Ryan suffers from schizophrenia. I think it figures into the advice that you requested from him.

    I do not wish you to feel hen-pecked. I want you to be happy. I want you to have a wonderful, loving relationship with a man who is capable of loving you in the way that you wish and deserve to be loved.

    Truly, I do Brenda. I understand longing. I don’t want you to feel hurt. I don’t want you to hurt yourself and I don’t want you to hurt Ryan either.


  175.  #175Jilly on December 26, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    ya Jim…I was hoping you’d have some new insight to Daria’s questions about what an aggressive “feminine” woman would ‘be’ like? as opposed to just “aggressive”???

    I’ve heard other men say they like aggressive woman too and they are aggressive men themselves…I don’t understand this…

  176.  #176Jilly on December 26, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    I have the ebook..modern siren and the tools and reconnect…but I’m starting to feel like I need COMMITMENT BLUEPRINT…

    does anyone have any feedback for me for those who have it??? I feel like that’s a silly question since all of rori’s stuff is AMAZING but I just want to ask anyway….

  177.  #177Jim on December 26, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    Ok, hows this. When she farts in my face, now thats my kind of aggression.

    First, I’ll go to topic,
    Sexually aggressive; When she exerts her desire for me sexually, when she takes the lead, so to speak.

    Her own life: When she has a life and career that she is pursuing the way “she” wants to, her way.

    Sports; the same as a man would with competition in mind. Looking to do her best, get the best out of herself.

    I could go on and on, I hope this suffices. Though aggressive has been termed, coined with violence in our culture.

    When I say aggressive, I mean assertive on steroids, so to speak. So aggressive is the word.

    What does it mean to all of you???

    Otherwise, I’m always up for enlightenment ladies…

  178.  #178Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 10:05 pm


    Commitment Blueprint is at least as amazing as the ones you mentioned! It is really long and has lots of guest speakers on all sorts of terrific topics! I fully recommend it 100%!

  179.  #179Meemee on December 26, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    I wish happiness for you. I understand hurt. I understand that now more than anything else. I truly do. I wish we could transcend hurt and find happiness and peace. I wish that for you. I wish that for myself.
    I understand your hurt.

  180.  #180Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    174: Jilly says:
    “ya Jim…I was hoping you’d have some new insight to Daria’s questions about what an aggressive “feminine” woman would ‘be’ like? as opposed to just “aggressive”???”

    I think he ran like a little girl…


  181.  #181Senior Lady Vibe on December 26, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Oh, maybe Jim is back…with farts… 😆


  182.  #182Jim on December 26, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    lol lol lol OMG, Now that was funny!!

  183.  #183Meemee on December 26, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    I am back after two days of holidaying. I was feeling upset and hurt many times but I tried to do things which make me happy.
    I want myself to be happy.
    I want myself to find peace.
    I feel unnecessarily worried thinking that I will get pregnant. I know i am thinking very illogical. But I worry a lot thinking that everything can go wrong at this moment.

    I was feeling angry too. I was getting bad body aches and stomach pains. I think I was stuffing down too much and my body is reacting to it. I was losing temper as never before and I shouted at some people also. (something I never did in my life). That makes me feel so concerned about myself. I never felt such degrees of rage and anger and bitterness. That may also be part of my healing process.

    I went and joined a gym his morning. To my shock my gym instructor told me I am overweight. I weigh 66 kg (5 feet 5 inch) now and my ideal weight should be 60. So this is what I have done to myself in the last 4 months. Gained a few extra pounds. I felt so shocked. I was always strict and concerned about my body fitness and staying in shape. Now I have got 6 kgs to lose !!!!!
    That I take as my target for the coming months. After the body analysis my instructor asked me to go there today evening. I should get myself a pair of sports shoes and track suits and shirts. I feel happy that I am finally doing something to make myself fit and healthy.
    My roommate told me I am behaving very changed in the last one month. She said I am losing temper very easily and may be I should take better care of my emotions and health. I feel blessed that I have a roommate who understands my state.
    I am at office now.
    I am happy X is not in office for the next 10 days. SO his girlfriends are also not coming.
    I dont have any immediate triggers. I feel happy about it.
    I should do something about my anger.
    I dont want to become someone who loses temper at everything.
    Anger was something I did not feel for a long time. Now when I feel it I feel it in abundance 🙁 🙁
    I want to face this process of healing in a graceful way.
    I want to give myself more care and love.

  184.  #184Mystyk on December 26, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    My new year’s wish for everyone is Love & Peace without end.

    Also, ran across this excellent piece on vulnerability; it really spoke to me and I want to share it with you:

  185.  #185Jilly on December 26, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Thanks Brenda…I’m really considering getting it 🙂

    …and Jim…all I can say is WOW 😉

  186.  #186Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 12:49 am

    I finally called Ryan a couple of hours ago, and his voicemail was not his. It went straight to voicemail, but it was an electronic voice giving the number. Ryan has had the same voicemail with his name in his voice the whole two years I’ve known his number.

    So I am reframing what the situation is. Either something happened and his phone is shut off OR he changed his number so I can’t contact him OR he got a cheaper phone contract and changed his number, which would have nothing to do with me.

    I had to process it a couple of hours, but I am actually relieved. Because most likely, it means that Ryan hasn’t received ANY of my too-many texts!

    I really can’t know what happened to his phone. But this totally explains why I didn’t hear from him. Which means I don’t need to have hurt feelings.

    Thank you, Meemee!

  187.  #187Daria on December 27, 2010 at 1:22 am

    Aardvark pussy

    Aardvark pussy

    Aardvark pussy

  188.  #188Daria on December 27, 2010 at 1:24 am

    I love aardvark pussy!

  189.  #189Daria on December 27, 2010 at 1:35 am

    It sounds like agressive is the same ad passionaye. I like that

  190.  #190Daria on December 27, 2010 at 2:10 am

    Pk I love mysrlf . I lovr myselg. I want sushi,next.

  191.  #191Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 2:42 am

    “Music is what feelings sound like.”

    “Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.” ~ E. Joseph Cossman

  192.  #192Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 2:49 am

    This is xactly how I feel about Ryan:

    “You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

  193.  #193Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:01 am

    “When he kisses you he isn’t doing anything else. You’re his whole universe..and the moment is eternal because he doesn’t have any plans and isn’t going anywhere. Just kissing you…it’s overwhelming.”

  194.  #194Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:09 am

    “The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” ~ Emil Ludwig

  195.  #195Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:10 am

    “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” ~ Bruce Lee

  196.  #196Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:10 am

    “All I really, really want our love to do is to bring out the best in me and in you too.” ~ Joni Mitchell

  197.  #197Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:11 am

    “To love one’s self is the beginning of a life-long romance” ~ Oscar Wilde

  198.  #198Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:11 am

    “A true man does not need to romance a different girl every night, a true man romances the same girl for the rest of her life” ~ Ana Alas

  199.  #199Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:13 am

    “Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.” ~ Amanda Cross

  200.  #200Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:15 am

    “Study after study has shown that love relationships have a huge impact on out psychological, economic & physical well-being. Having a life partner can create a higher sense of self-worth, provide intimacy and emotional support, which fulfills the deepest human need for connection, and lead to greater wealth and economic stability. As a result, married people may be happier, live more satisfying lives and have fewer psychological problems, including depression. Many researchers say that these factors lead to better physical health, greater health-seeking behavior and lower rates of alcoholism. Here’s the big take-away: for over 100 studies around the world have shown that married people live longer and enjoy a higher quality of life than those who aren’t partnered! With everything a healthy love relationship has going for it, why let anything hold you back from choosing love as a top priority in your life?” ~ Diana Kirschner

  201.  #201Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:17 am

    “Wave after wave of love flooded the stage and washed over me, the beginning of the one great durable romance of my life.” ~ Bette Davis

  202.  #202Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:19 am

    “Romance is the fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of things as they are. In the novel the writer’s thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination.” ~ Ambrose Bierce

  203.  #203Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:23 am

    “It didn’t dawn on me until you were gone just how much I would miss you. Sometimes I start to pick up the phone to see if you want to do something, and then I remember you’re far away. Or I go somewhere we used to go, see people having fun, and wish we could be there, too, laughing and talking like they are. Don’t get me wrong…I hope you’re having a good time exploring new places and making new friends. I just miss you…I guess that’s only natural when someone means as much to me as you.” ~ Renee Duvall

  204.  #204Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:26 am

    “We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” ~ William Shakespeare

  205.  #205Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 3:37 am

    Ok, it’s 6:37 am where I am. Guess it’s time to go to bed.

  206.  #206Jennifer on December 27, 2010 at 4:31 am

    oh, hey…turns out I gots me the PMS.
    Still mad about B. Jerk.
    Crampy tummy.
    Date tonight…………..COME ON MIDOL!
    Don’t wanna work today…but need money.
    Dreamed the grim reaper was on my parent’s porch. BOO_URNS.
    My apt is a mess. I love me
    My hair is a greek tragedy. I love me
    Haven’t put my presents away yet. I love me
    Started roasting veg in chili spices for chili……ended up eating not so healthy boxed butter chicken. I love me.

    Managed to NOT tell my aunt to F off and die…….this is good.

    Feeling like bored and high school vibe with the energy on the blog last coupla posts……mostly ignoring.
    going to take a bath. I love me.
    Going to take a nasty romance book. I love me.

  207.  #207Eachdayasif on December 27, 2010 at 4:51 am

    Happy Christmas to Rori and all the Sirens. I have been lurking for a while now, absorbing all the wisdom on this wonderful site, thank you to all for your courage, honesty and openness, I have learnt so much from you in the last few weeks since I found the blog.

    I will post again and share some of my story when I have figured out how to compress it into something less than War and Peace! In the meantime, I have started baby-stepping with the tools, and am going to try riffing, which feels simultaneously exciting and a bit scary … I find accessing my real emotions and expressing them in a truly honest, adult, real, non-judgemental way so hard, but I am so grateful that I found this blog at the right time. I feel nervous but ready for the challenge.

    Happy new year and hugs to you all.

  208.  #208marina on December 27, 2010 at 6:22 am

    Hello Sirens,

    Hmmm, I just did the riffing without writing it down.

    Feeling a little better now.
    Not much to say or share now.

    Also, I don’t really feel comfortable with the energy here now.

    I am going to renew my dinnertabel. BF4 lend me
    his sanding (scouring?) machine, I am so looking forward to painting it white later this week! Bye bye ugly old brown


    Janjune, thnx for your reply. I would feel good about that. I changed my gravatar, so I feel less exposed and feel more free. Perhaps I will change both my name and gravatar later, not sure about that yet.

    Hi MeeMee, I would feel angry too. I feel it is part of the process of healing.

    Actually, I feel a lot of anger and irritation lately, directed at myself for all the times that I was not being here for myself, for not taking care of myself.

    And also directed at others when I feel I want them to leave me alone, when I feel I am empty and cannot give give give anymore and feel I want to put myself first.

    I remember Alias Girl writing on one thread about her anger being a big mother bear that wanted to protect her. I really liked that image.

    I wonder what your anger looks like?

    I feel insecure about saying this, but I dreamt about your X being on this blog. He was talking about his love who was in the desert, and who was dying of thirst. His gravatar was the snake from Jungle Book!

    Weird that I actually dream of this blog….

  209.  #209marina on December 27, 2010 at 6:45 am

    Hello Sirens,
    Before I go put on my working clothes and dust mask 😉

    I copied this post by Jozen from Until I Get Married
    I loooove his posts on dating, girls etc from a male perspective

    It isn’t about you

    This isn’t about you. Not you either. This is about all of yous. The girls with whom I once shared my dreams and now are no longer around to see them come true.

    As I think about what’s next, and I stay true to the belief that whatever it is it’s going to be great, I think about all of you who knew me then. You girls who let me tell them about my moves and my goals, but for whatever reason, aren’t around to see such things happen. I couldn’t have done it without you, but in a weird way I did.

    My mom once told me to find a woman to build a life with and when she said it to me, it was more like a warning, less like a lesson. “If you do it on your own, you’re not going to want to share it as much,” she said. “You may mean to, but trust me, you’ll be selfish even if you don’t intend to be.”

    Well, here I am today, working hard to accomplish the things I want most in life without one consistent person in it. My mom’s words still ring loudly in my ears, but just because she said so, doesn’t mean I bring a woman into my life while I make my next move. I could never use a woman in such a way.

    What I can do though is recognize you who was once around when some very good things happened to me. I can remember you who held me down while I was interviewing for a job that at the time was the biggest deal in the world. I can remember you who was waiting already at my apartment the day The New York Times Magazine asked me to write an article I pitched them. I can remember you who I woke up the day GQ asked me to do the same. I can remember all of you who were there to witness these little moments of my personal history unfolding, and I can remember how intimate those moments were.

    When I shared the news with you, I didn’t feel the need to share it with anyone else afterward, except for maybe Facebook, but you know, that’s not a real person. You were the only one I cared to tell, and the rest would have to call me if they wanted to hear the good news.

    These days when I get some good news, it’s a little different. It’s not so much the loneliness that strikes me, nor is it an empty feeling. I have a great number of people who root for me every single day, but for some reason I also always think about you who is not here.

    Maybe you were there in the beginning when I first let you into this plan I had to succeed, but eventually it all happened without you, and I would love to share it with you, but I don’t think it would impress you. One of the great ironies in life is being with someone who has always believed in you. When you achieve all that you set out to and you tell them, they’re almost never surprised. Your good news doesn’t impress so much as it reaffirms what it is they already know.

    But we both know I’ll probably tell you anyway. Even though you’re no longer around to see me make my next move, you deserve to know about it, especially (especially) if it’s a good one.

    It’s odd to say this, but when you were around for the hard the times — losing my job; losing my biological father; being hospitalized — the comfort of your presence never compared to when you around for the good times. Maybe it’s the man in me, but hard times always seem to be easiest to go through by myself.

    I remember being all alone when I received the news one of my best friends, Trey, was killed in a car accident. I remember how I was relieved to receive the news alone in my apartment, that way I could allow myself just one good cry without the feeling of someone watching me get it all out. And I compare that feeling to the one I had when my sister called to tell me I would be an uncle. I was also alone then, and I felt so, just so lost. Of course I was through the roof with excitement, but have you ever been the only witness to something unbelievable? It’s like the feeling you get when you make a basket from 3/4 of the court with your eyes closed and no one is there to bear witness. The first thing you’re thinking is, Damn that was awesome and you’re running around with your arms held high. Then the “aw shucks” moment comes when you realize you’re only jumping into the arms of the air, and no one was around to witness your incredible shot.

    Sharing bad news is intimate, but so is sharing good news. I love that you held me down whenever times were hard, but I definitely missed you when the times were good.

  210.  #210marina on December 27, 2010 at 7:01 am

    Hmm, something to think of..

    Bigger or smaller?

    Every decision we make, every encounter we have… we get a choice.

    Are we opening doors or closing them?

    It’s so tempting to shut people down, to limit the upside, to ostracize, select and demonize. It makes things a lot simpler. Not seeing means you don’t have to take action. Not opening means it’s easier to announce that you’re done. And not raising the bar means you’re less likely to fail.

    Just about all the things we treasure in our world were built by people who were intent on making things bigger, enabling things to be better, opening doors for us to achieve. The line between a realist and a optimist is hard to draw. And both might be self-fulfilling.

    [Please don’t confuse this with the issue of focus. Focus involves eliminating options until you have so few moving parts that work actually gets done. You can be focused but still think bigger.]

  211.  #211marina on December 27, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Understanding Meditation And Concentration

    Posted on December 11, 2010 by OSHO Times| 6 Comments

    The ability to concentrate is not something to feel blessed about. It is a frozen state of mind, a very narrow state of mind. Useful, of course, useful — for others. Useful in scientific inquiry, useful in business, useful in the market, useful in politics — but absolutely useless for yourself. If you become too attuned with concentration you will become very, very tense. Concentration is a tense state of mind; you will never be relaxed. Concentration is like a torch, focused, and consciousness is like a lamp, unfocused.

    My whole effort here is to teach you consciousness, not concentration. And this is the point to be remembered: if you become conscious, any moment you want to concentrate on a particular problem, you can. It is not a problem. But if you become too focused with concentration the vice versa is not true: you cannot relax. A relaxed mind can always concentrate. easily, there is no trouble about it. But a focused mind becomes obsessed. narrow. It is not easy for it to relax and leave the tension. It remains tense.

    Meditation will allow you to concentrate whenever the need arises

    If you meditate. first concentration will disappear and you will be feeling a little at a loss. But if you go on, by and by you will attain to an unfocused state of light — that’s what meditation is. Once meditation is attained. concentration is child’s play — whenever you need to, you can concentrate. There will be no problem about it and it will be easy and without any tension.

    Right now, you are being used by society. Society wants efficient people. It is not worried about your soul, it is worried about your productivity. I am not worried about your productivity: man has already too much, more than he can enjoy — there is no need to go on producing more. Now there is more need to play around more and there is more need to be more conscious. Science has developed enough. Now, whatsoever science is doing is almost futile. Now, going to the moon is simply useless. But tremendous energy is wasted. Why? Because scientists are now obsessed — they have to do something. They have learned a trick of concentration and they have to do something. They have to produce, they have to go on producing something — they cannot relax. They will go to the moon, they will go to Mars, and they will persuade people that whatsoever they are doing is tremendously important. It is absolutely useless. But this happens.

    Once you become trained in a certain thing, you go on in that line, blind, unless a cul de sac comes and you cannot go on anymore. But life is infinite. There comes no cul de sac. You can go on and on and on. And now scientific activity has almost become ridiculous.

    Religious activity is totally different. It is not worried about being more efficient; the whole point is how to be more joyful, how to be more celebrating. So if you be with me, by and by, concentration will relax. And in the beginning you will feel afraid because you will see your skill disappearing, your efficiency disappearing. You will feel you are losing something that you have gained with so much effort. In the beginning it will happen. The ice is melting and becoming water. The ice was solid, something concentrated; now it is water — loose, relaxed, flowing in all directions. But anytime you need ice, the water can be turned into ice again. There is no problem — just a little more cooling is needed.

    This is my own experience. Whatsoever I say, I say from my own experience — the same has happened to me. First, concentration disappeared; but now I can concentrate on anything. There is no problem. But I don’t remain in concentration; I can concentrate and relax — whenever the need arises. Just as whenever the need arises, you walk; you don’t sit on the chair and go on moving your Legs. There are a few people who go on moving because they cannot sit relaxed — you will call this man restless! Legs in perfect order are needed so that whenever you need to, you can walk, you can run. But when there Is no need, you can relax, and the legs will no longer be functioning.

    But your concentration has become almost as focused as if you are continuously preparing for an Olympic Runners in an Olympic cannot relax. They have to run a particular amount every morning and evening; they are continuously on the go. If they relax for a few days they will lose their skill. But I call all Olympics political, ambitious, foolish. There is no need.

    Competition is foolish. There is no need. If you enjoy running — perfectly good. Run. and enjoy. But why compete? What is the point of competition? Competition brings illness, unhealthiness; competition brings jealousy, and a thousand and one diseases.

    Meditation will allow you to concentrate whenever the need arises, but if there is no need you will remain relaxed, flowing in all directions like water. Feel blissful, blessed. What is the point of uttering logical sentences! Utter nonsense; make sounds, gibberish, like birds… Like trees! (At this moment a nearby tree decided, with the help of a passing breeze, to illustrate Osho’s words by shaking its branches and causing hundreds of leaves to fall with loud rustling sounds to the ground.) Look! This way! Is this logical? The tree is enjoying. Delighting. Simply shedding away the past.

    Delight. Sing. Utter sounds. Forget all logic! And by and by you will become more alive. Less logical of course that is the price one has to pay — but you become dead if you become more logical and you become more alive if you become less logical. Life is the goal, not logic. What are you going to do with logic? If you are hungry, logic is not going to feed you; if you need love, logic is not going to hug you; if you are thirsty, logic will tell you that water is H20! It is not going to give you water, real water. No. It simply functions in formulas, maxims.

    Look at life, and by and by you will understand that life has its own very logical logic. Be attuned to it and that will become the door for your ecstasy, samadhi, nirvana.

    OSHO – Ancient Music in the Pines, Chapter 8

    Copyright © 2010 Osho International Foundation

  212.  #212Ella on December 27, 2010 at 9:32 am


    Re 145,

    I feel triggered.

    I have seen you post a few times now about my response to your post about what you would do for your man, however never directly responding to me.

    I felt furious and shaky when I read, as if my feelings are being judged and diseminated but in an indirect way. It does not feel safe / honest. It feels like you are trying to make my feelings wrong or get others on board to say they are wrong.

    If you notice in my response I was not judging your behaviour or your ideas about what you would do, I simply said how I felt reading it… and for me that was ‘ICK’.

    It was ICK for me bc I chose to feminine role in relationship which is about being and not doing, and so everything you were writing about are the things I am trying to STOP doing.

    They are the things I would like a man to do for me.

    However I went on to say that you might be different from me and also that I might not be getting it correct, but that was how your post made ME feel.

  213.  #213Daria on December 27, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Femunine fullness
    sharing my burning passion
    is not a must but a desire
    i might let go of and share

  214.  #214janjune on December 27, 2010 at 10:16 am

    marina 🙂
    just loving your #208 209 210 posts

  215.  #215janjune on December 27, 2010 at 10:20 am

    i love your posts.
    and love how you talk to little ella. i just named my little girl and because of your posts have started talking to her.

    hope you are feeling better now, that the issue you had earlier has stopped.

  216.  #216janjune on December 27, 2010 at 10:26 am

    just got on here to get your email address… went to sleep last night after my dip in the Lagoon and didn’t send you my email…
    doing that right now.

    i feel excited about this exchange!!

  217.  #217janjune on December 27, 2010 at 10:28 am

    did you get it? 🙂
    when i copied and pasted your email add, it didn’t turn purple or have a line under it, as usual…
    my email says it was sent tho…

  218.  #218janjune on December 27, 2010 at 10:31 am

    try to shift your feeling of Ryan onto your past trauma.
    you’re focusing on him and it;s not about him.
    your feelings are about your past trauma.
    try to make that connection.
    sit in your soup
    feel the feelings WHILE consciously connecting them with your past trauma
    AND disconnecting them from ryan.

    when thgouhts of ayan come up, tell yourself you love him and these feelings arent about him they’re about ________.



  219.  #219Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Yay! I talked to Ryan! I was honestly worried about him after hearing his voicemail changed. So I called his parents and his Dad told me he had the same number but a different carrier. He took my number and Ryan called me back on his Dad’s number!

    We only talked briefly because he told me it’s his Dad’s business line. But he was very warm towards me, and he said he hasn’t had his phone for a week and a half, that it’s being worked on at a shop. He will call me when he gets his phone back. He asked how my Christmas was, and I said good, except missing you!

    I feel so much happier now! He’s so special to me!

  220.  #220Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 10:45 am

    P.S. I meant to say he said he didn’t call me because he didn’t have my number either, since it’s on his phone. So it all makes sense, and it was nothing personal!

  221.  #221Meemee on December 27, 2010 at 10:47 am

    I am not sure if my anger has anything to do with protecting myself.
    I am surrounded by people and surrounded by deadlines. I want to be left alone at time and I feel angry when I am not. That has mainly to do with the secrecy bit of my relationship with X. All the people I see everyday are either friends or aquaintances of X. That reminds me of manythings. They talk about him. And I feel angry that I am going through a hell right now and have to tolerate people talking about him.
    Also his words (harsh, clever, sarcastic ) come rushing to my mind at time and I feel immensely happy when I remember those things. They help me see things clearly and in a different light. But they make me angry.
    Howver I am amazed at my capacity to become angry and feel anger. Never in my life I expressed anger in this way. Having been brought up in a family filled with army officials, it was taboo in my house to raise voice or shout at each other. Now when I feel angry I cant even belive that I am capable of anger.

  222.  #222Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 10:49 am


    RE: #217 – Right on! Thank you! I will remember that!

  223.  #223Meemee on December 27, 2010 at 10:50 am

    That was a strange thing to dream. Probably X was talking about himself. I heard he is away on a holiday trip with his falimy and friends to some desert.

  224.  #224Ella on December 27, 2010 at 11:52 am


    Re 214 – aww, thanks!


  225.  #225Jim on December 27, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Hey ladies,
    How’s everybody doing today?

    Also, if I understand an email I got today from a lady named Debbie, I think, unless I’m mistaken, I think I’ve been asked to leave this site.
    Anybody know anything, I think someone thinks I’m here to date or something?
    If you ladies would like me to leave, I will. Please let me know.

    Glad to hear you make contact w/ Ryan. I bet you feel much more at ease now?

  226.  #226janjune on December 27, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    hi jim,
    we’ve moved over to the new post.
    i just jumped back here for a minute.

    i’m 99.999999% sure nobody would ask you to leave!!
    who is debbie??
    i don’t recall any debbie’s posting here.
    an old girlfriend who wants you back perhaps?– (re: thinking you’re here to date 🙂 )

    you are very welcome here! i feel sure of it 🙂

  227.  #227Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Hey Jim,

    Thank you! Whether or not anyone wants you to leave, it is YOUR decision. You are welcome on here. I welcome your input. I hope you or anyone else will not let anyone bully you off the blog.

    It is a public blog, and it is Rori’s blog.

  228.  #228Jacqueline on December 27, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    Hi, Jim! The only thing that matters here is what you want. Follow your heart – I feel strongly that what you have to contribute is welcome, timely and needed. People experience “triggers” here – just like I got sucked into a conversation that became about ageism, when I’m here to get advice on how to deal with male and female bosses at my job…smile.

    I’m sorry anyone made you feel unwelcome, but if I were you – I wouldn’t leave until I found what I came for. And, I’d write Rori – she’s fascinating, and I’d check out some of the old posts – so are they.

    I hope to see you around….

    and Hiya, Brenda! better day today, yes?

    ‘nite yall,

  229.  #229Jacqueline on December 27, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Ps – if you wanna date, I think that would be very cool, actually. And there’s no rules against that! My friend Jason posts here a lot; although last I heard he found a lady love…….

    anyway, yes again and again – stay, have fun, find some sort of love and understanding. It’s all good!

  230.  #230Jim on December 27, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Thank all,
    I’d just woken up from a nap and misinterpreted the massage. My bad… Though thank you all for your kind invitations and acceptance.

  231.  #231Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 9:40 pm


    Oh, you flirt you…you intentionally misspelled “massage”, didn’t you? Eh-eh! 😆

  232.  #232Jim on December 27, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    lol, no but when I see it your way? It’s funny!!

    So, let me get this right? “Triggers,” are worked on here? Is there a difference between triggers and buttons?

    Anyway, WHO WANTS A MASSAGE?? Now that’s flirting in the Rori CD blog…

  233.  #233Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    Hey Jim,

    Ooh, a massage would feel so good! 😆

  234.  #234Daria on December 27, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    I am home! I took the late bus then walked the last 30 min.

    Tomorrow I will softly wake at 5 45

    Then off to the park.

    I am used to the walking now. I walked 30 min w no problem.


    Will be doing it tomorrow too! And them some!

  235.  #235Sharlene on December 27, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    Love your beautiful possibilities blog…Thank you I needed it. 😉

  236.  #236Daria on December 27, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    I am eating the last of my sees dark chocolates and… Yum I got two fruity ones in a row and they were great.

    I’m bitten by fleas.

    I feel sexually charged. I intend to use my charge to feel full and alive.

  237.  #237Daria on December 27, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    I am Gina get a free bus And train Pass from my blond friend.

    I’m blessed, that’s all my expenses right now.

    I rock.

  238.  #238Daria on December 27, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    I am feeling so excited to be in my bed right now!

    An hour ago I was getting off the bus andcaj hour before that I was deciding to take the bus.

    Yum. And now I’m here and it seemed so fast.

    Soft comfortable bed.

    Messy room.

    Clothes selection, shower I likely won’t use.


    iPod instead of phone.


    Healthy .

    Walnuts of course.

    Feet feel good.

    Tired in a good way.

    Did the chi gung stances.

    Shoulders are loosened.

    Stretched the tongue back to throat too… Refreshes nervous system. Me likey.

  239.  #239Brenda on December 28, 2010 at 1:43 am

    4:40 am. I wonder if I should go to bed now… nah, I’m not tired yet.

  240.  #240Willie on December 29, 2010 at 8:10 am

    Thank you for your words of inspiration. It’s been a scary couple of weeks. I trust the process though and know I am strong. Before reading your site I was allowing emotion to just sift through me and I was caught up in not allowing myself to actually feel the emotion of pain, hurt, betrayal. I now feel the emotions fully and breath through them and feel an enormous sense of relief. Your book has been both an inspiration and a lifesaver. I’m beginning to picture the kind of romantic life I want and what I want to feel. This blog keeps me grounded and I am grateful for it and you. Thank you and many blessings for the coming year.

  241.  #241Alicia on December 29, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    I was playing on and clicked movies..

    This one seems super feminine, I’m still watching..

    Dangerous Beauty is another one of my all time favs.. It”s about a venetian courtesan.. and it’s amazing. Enjoy it!!!!!! link below….

    TRUST ME YOU’LL LOVE IT… Every womans must see.

  242.  #242Alicia on December 29, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Well… maybe just Dangerous Beauty.. is more appropiate.. It’s a beautiful love story.

    The kama sutra is a movie not just the poses.. lol. I just am now seeing for the first time. Might not be for everyone.. it’s not explicit..

  243.  #243A married woman on December 31, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Thanks, Rori for this post. Lots of stuff came up for both my husband and myself. This is our first new year’s holiday together after we got married. We both flipped and had a huge fight this morning. This was nothing I expected or wanted. As I was throwing things on the floor to show myself and him that I was angry and didn’t want our relationship to go on, I was deeply hurt by how things went wrong this morning. You won’t believe this was all because I shrunk one of his kungfu jacket. I apologized and stated that I would be more careful in the future when handling his laundry, all of these not only didn’t get his forgiveness or gotten him to calm down from his upsettedness, it got him even angrier as if he had to grab this chance to vent his frustration on all of the pants I had shrunk and ruined since we got married. This is the moment when I turned. I questioned whether he had any ounce of gratitude at all in his bone because I had bought him several sets of the most expensive kungfu clothing already after I shrunk a couple of his pants. Also, because I did his laundry, he had clothe to wear instead of digging out from his dirty laundry. My friend told me I should just let him do his own laundry. That’s what he suggested, in an angry tone he told me not to touch his own clothe again. I couldn’t let this fly, ungratefulness. Therefore, I gave it to him and tried to tell him he had hit a brick wall of dead end with his anger. I blew up big time where he had to say this was not acceptable. I threw it back at him that his behavior was not acceptable long before this.

    I am still shocked at how shocked I was to watch him behaving like a brat. I had an expectation to have a peaceful new year’s celebration, he sort of shoved my expectation up mine.

    A while after the fight, I let go of the expectation and just focused on now at this moment. I choose to feel good and peaceful regardless of the history and the future, this moment, I want to feel good and I told him to do whatever he needed to do to try to be happy. If my existence didn’t make him happy, I could even leave him for a couple of days and see if he could find happiness. That’s my determination. I would refuse to sit here and brew over what happened. Instead, I would look into my little loving dog’s soft and playful eyes and find that something that could keep me tickled for a long time. Everything is find.

  244.  #244Rori Raye on January 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

    married woman – this kind of fight over this kind of thing tells me that there’s a huge undercurrent of stuff going on. Why you would continue to do his laundry when you are clearly releasing rage by damaging it is the clue here. STOP whatever you’re doing…You’re expecting gratefulness for overfunctioning. Please read my ebook. Love, Rori

  245.  #245cindy on January 2, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    that’s really inspiring 🙂 to be able to free yourself like that and have beautiful insight like that is pretty amazing. Hope that one day i will be open minded in that way too….

    best of luck sirens 🙂

  246.  #246A married woman on January 3, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    Thanks Rori for your comments and I never saw my damaging his clothes is a release but I will look into it and stop overfunctioning. It’s especially hard right after coming back from visiting my parents during the holidays and my mom’s “CRAZY” overfunctioning is rubbing it off on me. I have your ebook and will re-read it 🙂

  247.  #247A married woman on January 4, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Rori, I have been feeling the sense of difficulty as we are going through a difficult patch in our marriage.

    We are both 41yo and so I am going to let all of the saying like “what? so early on in your marriage you already have difficulties?” GO. He had a previous marriage that ended in divorce and I had never lived with any man before in my life.

    Like taking care of our laundry when he is so busy with his school and work, my intentions were purely good so that we both have clothes to wear. Many of the things I do in our daily life are with purely good intentions. However, I don’t feel appreciated.

    I practiced letting him doing laundry as he suggested that I don’t touch his clothes anymore, and what happened was that our washer is filled with done laundry for days and he forgot to put them in the dryer. I let it be. It was hard, but I let it be. I have enough clothe to last for a while and if not, I can always go buy some more. I just want to get out of his way when it comes to doing laundry.

    We had emotional talks about things we say to each other that made us sad, upset, angry almost every day since the new year’s eve. It’s been tough not to think about leaving this relationship. But we chose commitment. We’ve been having conversations sometimes filled with lots of emotions. I had felt resentful because I felt his ungratefulness toward my good intentions. I understand sometimes I sound like a mom or a woman who is too smart with numbers and things, I wish he would still be grateful to my good intentions. But as I am meditating on his ungratefulness, I feel more and more under appreciated.

    Today, I came back to your basic teaching of stepping back. I imagined standing back and receiving love for about half an hour. My heart calmed down and my emotions calmed down instead of trying to struggle and find answers to solve our problems. I just stand back and wait and see.

    He came to hug me and kiss me and asked how I was doing this morning when I was still in bed. My heart softened right away and amazingly all of those negative feelings faded. I let him wrap his whole body around me and just confirmed his love and affection for me.

    I am the one that need to be grateful 🙂


  248.  #248Lynn on January 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Dear Rori,
    I have been seeing a man for about 5 months and he has told me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship so I am ready to start seeing other people. In fact, I already have a date scheduled for this weekend. Am I obligated to tell him that I am gonna go out with other people? I really believe that he will be hurt if I don’t tell him and he finds out and I know that he has not been out with anyone else. I’m afraid if I tell him, I will lose what little we have.
    Please advise!!!!

  249.  #249Rori Raye on January 11, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    Lynn – great question. You owe him NO explanation – but in the interests of openness and honesty – ask around here for help with a speech and TALK about it. It will do everything good. Love, Rori

  250.  #250A married woman on January 12, 2011 at 9:42 am


    Before I got married, I had to have this talk with my then boyfriend now husband. Rori went through this with me so may be I can give you at least my feelings on this.

    Here it is my try:
    There is just a little change that has to happen in your mind before all things will feel smooth. You have to remember 2 things clearly. One, you wanted a committed relationship and he couldn’t give it to you. Two, there is plenty of fish out there who would want a committed relationship with you. That being said, I would like to add, the minute a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship with you, you are already in the pile of “none marriage type” for him for whatever reasons. At this point, you have to come back and focus on what you want and make yourself even more beautiful, and healthy by eating right, sleep right and exercise right so you are ready to meet the next guy at the Starbucks.

    However, you have the freedom to tell him of what you are doing or not. This minute he said he didn’t want a relationship with you, you know he is not your type, so you don’t owe him an explanation unless if you feel compelled to do so. Remember, when you do this, it’s only for honest sharing of feelings and not to manipulate him into changing his mind because this is the most unattractive thing to do to a man. He can make his own mind up after you share your feeling, he doesn’t need anyone to persuade him.

    Ok, finally the TALK: Sweetie, I have developed this attraction and even love in the last few months. I cherish you very much. However, I am going to see other guys because what I want is a committed relationship to grow into something long term. (Depending on how your feelings are for this guy, you may stop here or you may also add this: I am just going to meet them for coffee and simple things, but I won’t sleep with them at this point.)

    Simple to say but hard to do, and I know. It was very hard for me to do as well when I was dating my husband. It worked, after dating him for 6months, when I gave him this speech, he understood right away. He told me his honest feelings that he wanted me to marry him eventually, and he just needed a little more time to date me. I gave him another 3 months before he proposed to me. We got married on the day a year after we met.

    Good luck.
    Married Woman