Love To You On Valentine’s Day

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Here’s my favorite Valentine’s Day post, and let’s do it together – I’ll love me and you love you, and we’ll not have expectations or ideas about the MEANING of this “occasion.” No man enters into this. It’s just between me and me and you and you, and let’s see how that works!

Okay – Valentine’s Day can thrill us or torture us. We can pretend we don’t care, or we can go into a funk, or we can enjoy what we have if we’re in a relationship or have a good date, or we can make Valentine’s Day a day of love for US.

We can make it a spa day or a manicure day, or a lunch with ourselves day, or a lunch or movie with our girlfriend’s day, or a sit home with a book, or a sit in a park day…and the amazing thing is — it’s really not all that big a deal anymore.

The Symbolism Of The Whole Thing Is About Expectations

What do you expect, that Valentine’s Day can make you feel fulfilled or make you feel like you’ve lost something?

If this is about “forever after” for you and you’re not there – well, the expectations put you in a state of “lack.”

If this is about “right now” – the expectations put you in a state of “action” – “let’s get this thing happening!” comes into your vibe, along with anxiety for having to make it happen.

If this is about “someday” – the expectations put you in a state of “wish” or “dream” – and that can feel good or plain neutral, unless you start comparing the dream to “reality” and fall back to “lack.”

So – what would I like to suggest?

How About We Go Smack For “What Is”?

That means – whatever you’ve got going today – don’t make a decision about if it’s good or bad, and don’t judge it in advance.

If you’re feeling wistful or dreadful, or anxious, or upset, or lonely, or angry about such a stupid holiday, or anything that doesn’t feel good to you, send a Valentine to it.

If you’re feeling upbeat and hopeful, and beautiful (you are beautiful, yes you are…), and happy with the day outside your window, and good with what you want and can do for yourself to have good feelings today – that’s your Valentine, and send it to ALL of you – head to toe – sort of as beauty oil to all parts of you for the next moment and the next.

Let’s make Valentine’s Day about loving how you feel – no matter WHAT that is.

You can actually GIVE YOURSELF a Valentine – buy it, or make it out of paper and markers and whatever you’ve got if arts-and-crafts please you. And when you do it…make sure you love what IS about where you’re at..and just ladle that love on.

I’m going to give a bunch of Valentine’s to me today…here’s one to my Nasty Voice: “I know that even though the sun is shining so beautifully and I feel so lucky with everything in my life, there are little rough patches inside me now that feel scratchy and I can feel you, Nasty Voice, jumping on those and trying to worry me and speed me up…and…well…that’s okay. Happy Valentines, Love, Rori.”

Or…”I see me in the mirror, and, yeah, we look a bit tired, yeah…I can feel how disappointing that is inside, it’s kind of sitting on you, chest…oh…I’m going off now into ignoring this wrinkle…well…I’ll just slather on some love, here, and let’s go put some oil on you…and…Happy Valentine’s…we’re all still here…I love you, as ever…Rori.”

So – I’m sort of writing Valentines from Rori to Rori…

If you like this…go ahead and write some Valentines from you to you, and put them out here for us all to revel in and copy…

And Here’s My Valentine For You…

No matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, no matter what’s happening, or who out there looks like he loves you and who looks like he doesn’t – it’s all a matter of opinion.

My opinion is that you’re gorgeous, lovely, sexy, universally-accepted-beyond-words lovable and desirable, and my opinion is that wherever you love you, so does everyone and everything else, and even where you do not love you, and hold the opinion that no one else could possibly love this piece in you if you don’t, well, actually…everyone and everything else does love you.

All you have to do to make it real for you is to see it and receive it.

We pitch love, you catch it.

It might not look like the expectations you’ve been advertised, but it’s love all the same. It’s a message of love.

Don’t try to decode it.

If you don’t like what it looks like, just slather on the love all over yourself, and catch the next thought, feeling, insight, bit of fluff that’s full of love and just might look and feel better.

Inside YOU – it’s always moving around, always surprising.

The way we get stuck in a gear of “lack” or “anxious” is to lean on the same messages over and over and over that give us the same feelings over and over and over.

Strike out new today. Send a Valentine to what isn’t perfect. To what doesn’t even feel good inside you.

Send a message to yourself that you’re up for an upgrade, one word of love from you to you at a time.

The important thing is to take in love – wherever you catch it – from words, from the air, from your own heart, from objects and animals, from trees, from the spa technician, from the water at the pool and water in your drinking glass.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1siren song on February 14, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Aw! Happy valentine’s day!

  2.  #2Silver Moonbeam on February 14, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Woohoooo number 2 – almost made it to the top!!!!

    Happy Valentines (and SAD) Day Sirens!! xxx

  3.  #3Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Why Sad day Silver Moonbeam?

  4.  #4Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Or is SAD an acronyme that I don’t know?

  5.  #5Rose on February 14, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Happy Valentine’s day beautiful Rori and beautiful ladies..

  6.  #6Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Happy V-day everyone!!

    Was wondering – my guy asked me another question very late last night and I only saw it this morning. Replied today without wishing him a happy Valentines. Did add a little joke with FM though. Is it a mistake not to say happy Vday??

  7.  #7Femininewoman on February 14, 2012 at 6:34 am

    “wherever you love you, so does everyone and everything else”

    I radically and deeply love and accept me.
    I love my heart beating in my chest.
    I love the tears welling up in my eyes rolling down my face.
    I love the fear jumping up and down in my stomach.
    I love the burning in my throat.
    I love the thoughts rolling in my head about the meaning of valentine’s.
    I love my girlfriend who offered an icecream date for later.
    I love the 4 men who already sent me valentine’s greetings.
    I love me.
    I love everything about my life.
    I love that hope that beats in my chest and tells me I can just love what is, in this moment.
    I love the possibility of catching the love that is pitched at me from everywhere in the universe.

  8.  #8Femininewoman on February 14, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I pitch love at myselftoday from my own heart.
    I allow my heart to open up to giving and receiving love.
    Even though I feel my hands and my body shaking with dread and terror I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.

  9.  #9T-Girl on February 14, 2012 at 6:41 am

    Lizka, SAD stands for Single Awareness Day.

    Hope you all have a great day today!

  10.  #10Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Arrrrggg a very anoying guy eished me happy Valentine. I want ATW and DjCD to wish me Valentine!!! Not ugly-annoying guy or my parents!!

  11.  #11VW on February 14, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Happy Valentine Sirens 🙂 Beautiful and inspiring post Rori!

    I feel good…content actually and soo capable of making it a great day…it’s been four years since I’ve had myself only as Valentine…

    hmm…thinking this way…it does put me in a sense of “urgency” a bit…sigh…:( and yet, appreciating the present by using all the tools I know to be present will help me get through today and tomorrow …

    I am enough…

  12.  #12Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Why single awareness? Like I’m not aware that I am single 365 days a year…

  13.  #13Senior Lady Vibe on February 14, 2012 at 7:30 am

    @Rori Raye says:

    “…That means – whatever you’ve got going today – don’t make a decision about if it’s good or bad, and don’t judge it in advance…”

    I say decide that it’s good!… and go from there.

    Yesterday “Sweetie” and I bought ourselves a greeting card valentine. It’s so cute: two teddy bears with pink and red hearts all around.

    Rori Raye:
    “…oh…I’m going off now into ignoring this wrinkle…well…I’ll just slather on some love, here, and let’s go put some oil on you…and…Happy Valentine’s…”

    You’ve got a wrinkle? I’ve got one too… I was thinking I’d go look at some rings, big ole flashy honkers… but now that you mention it I might also go look for a wrinkle cream whose ad mysteriously appeared on my TV screen right before I turned it off last night. It’s a sign. I’ll take Sweetie with me…he’s got a few wrinkles too.

    Happy Valentine’s Day

  14.  #14Senior Lady Vibe on February 14, 2012 at 7:35 am

    @2: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…Happy Valentines (and SAD) Day Sirens!!…”

    Happy Valentine Day. I don’t like the SAD acronym so much…

    How about another one? I think I will choose JOY for today.

    JOY = “Just Own Yourself”

    So going off now to own myself and revel in it…


  15.  #15Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 7:55 am

    well…Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂

    Update with Rugby Man:

    Dinner felt amazing…everything we ordered was yummy and he is super cuddly and always touching me…and I LOVE it! Then he asked if this meant we were valentines!!!!! 🙂 Me: I’m not sure…but I feel really happy! and he said…Good!! Im glad you are happy, me too! Then later on towards the end of dinner he called me “babe” 🙂 awww…I melted all over him lol

    Sirens…this man is SEXY!!! In a mountain, lumber jack way…he is a big strong mountain man…yum!! and I feel so safe with him 🙂 I know it’s early but I just want to feel all these wonderful, lovely feelings. Out of all the many men I’ve dated he is seriously I think the best one. I feel like I’ve met a real match…not that he’s more or on a pedestal …but that we are on the same level feels refreshing and exciting.

    I feel nervous and vulnerable posting this because I’m not holding back…

  16.  #16Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 7:58 am

    JOY I love it!!!!! 🙂

  17.  #17Sondra on February 14, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Happy V-Day Sirens!

    Everything is still going well with my Match! We spent some quality time together this weekend and last night he brought me roses to my work so that I would have them here first thing this morning! So sweet! My only reservation that I am starting to feel is that he seems to need constant affirmation that his attention and thoughtfulness is appreciated. Don’t get me wrong – I do appreciate him and everything he does for me, but I can tell he sometimes wants me to express it more and I feel like I am already expressing how happy he makes me. He has told me that a couple of his relationships ended because the woman did not appreciate him . . . I’m wondering if that was really the case or if he has an issue “feeling” appreciated?

    Anyway – I’m not going to borrow trouble on Valentine’s Day! He is taking me to dinner tonight and I will be sure to show my appreciation! I bought him a sweet card and I know he got me one too – I hope that we can just relax and have a good time without too much pressure for everything to be perfect – he stresses if everything does not go exactly as he plans and if I don’t seem as happy and thrilled as he “expects” me to be . . . makes me exhausted just thinking about it. :/

    On another note – I got a text from Gary last night. It was a short update on his life and at the end he said, “Take care. I hope you have a nice Valentines. F**k Valentines – lol”. I replied, “You are so charming! Happy F’ing valentines to you as well” WTH do I see in this man?

  18.  #18Vanessa on February 14, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Happy Valentine for everybody on this forum
    Is there anybody here who can help me or give some tips how to handle a situation 🙁 I just feel so sad, especially on this day, my boy and I, we just miss the sparks we once had and i dont know what to say or do to make him feel that again 🙁 specific words, actions .. i get emails to order the love combo and i’m some kind of jealous to read that it can be shift with some little changes in the way you speak but i just dont know how , i’m a student and cant afford the programmes 🙁 i just hope someone can help me .. Have a blessed day everyone

  19.  #19Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 8:12 am

    DjCD is online on Facebook and so am I and he’s not even eishing happy Valentine’s day.


  20.  #20LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 8:21 am

    I feel angry right now.

    I had to play hardball at work to get my week’s vacation with D.
    And now that I’m not with him, what do I do with that week.
    It’s the 2nd time he cancells me for vacation after asking me to reserve a specific week just for him.

    Called my mom last night and found out she’s going on a vacation trip on the same week w her gang of friends.
    I love her friends. Eventhough they are all 20 years older, I have a blast w them every time I see them.
    I laugh all the time until my cheeks get cramped w that group.
    So my mom called her travel agent to book me a spot…sold out!

    I would love to have D in front of me right now to clobber him!
    I need a punching bag w his face on it…and his nuts to kick them to pulp!
    I feel violent towards him!
    I feel the urge to do something nasty and mean to him!
    I feel the urge to write to his ex and tell her “you were right about him! I give you a big trophy for having cheated on him w his best friend!”
    Thinking that, I feel all tense and wired up.
    I feel the stiffness in my upper back and shoulders.
    I feel the tightness in my chest.

    But I won’t do it.
    I did it w my previous ex. I had even gotten his mistress angry and mistrustful towards him and she left him…he was homeless for a while coz we both kicked him out at the same time.
    I slapped him, I caused problems between him and his friends and his family.
    They all had a bad opinion of him and supported me.
    And ya know what? It felt soothing at the moment, but in the longrun it didn’t make me feel any better.

    D is kicking himself allready I’m sure.

    Then I think of my new options, and I do feel better.
    I think of how I’m falling in love w myself all over again, and I do feel better.
    I feel this vitality flowing through my body.

    Letting myself do vengeful things only makes me feel locked in to the pattern and misery of the past.
    That doesn’t feel caring and loving towards myself.

    I prefer to make myself feel good by focusing on taking good care of myself now, opening up to new possibilities and feeding my hope for the future.
    Bc I care for ME and I love ME.
    I’m doing great, and I’ll be fine 🙂

  21.  #21Femininewoman on February 14, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Sondra he might be a little insecure or he might be telling you that he needs you to gush just a little more when she show your appreciation. I would try to gush more because I like to do that to feel girly. It feels good to me to act all happy and silly.

  22.  #22LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

    To all the single women…Today is the day to celebrate the love we have for ourselves.

    Let’s make this the “shower myself w love day”.

    What can I do today to celebrate my own love for myself?

    I feel like I’m beaming with love…and it’s all FOR ME and ABOUT ME.

    I hope my beams reach you sirens! Catch ’em if you can!

  23.  #23Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Lili I had the idea to go alone on a cruise this summer. I think it’s easy to make friends there since you’re on a boat all day.

    Maybe you could book a cruise? One guy I know is going this week and it was just 800$ or something. Very cheap.

    An onboard, you have everything to spoil yourself: jacuzzi, hairdresser, spa, massage, store, shows…

    Just an idea!

  24.  #24Starla on February 14, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Wow, you would think I am the most beautiful, wondrous woman in the world. I am getting so much positive romantic attention today, from 4 guys so far. I had no expectations for today, except that CF spend some time with me, and we decided to make it an “anti-” valentines day and just do our own thing. So I have a valentine who sent me flowers, a valentine who made me a beautiful custom valentine that really spoke to me specifically, a valentine who called to wake me up and welcome me into the day with his admiring, and a valentine who took today as an opportunity to ask me out on a date.

    i have everything i could possibly want on a valentine’s day…it’s like i have a valentine’s day harem to bring me joy today…guys to shower me with affection and gifts and a man i feel safe enough with to scale it back and take the pressure off, knowing he just loves me every day and always brings me flowers and takes me out to dinner.

    i LOVE being single.

  25.  #25Sondra on February 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Yea . . . I’m not a very good gusher . . . it feels fake to me – I need to practice. I spend most of my day running a distribution center (a no-gushing zone) and I have 3 sons at home (Testosterone city!) . . . being girly does not come easy for me.

  26.  #26LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 8:37 am


    Had a very personal conversation with W cd yesterday!

    I’m so impressed w what I’m learning about him…a mature, honest nice man!

    Just got a warm gushy smile from him and my heart feels tingly.

    More to come…later tonight.

  27.  #27Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

    I’m going to switch RIGHT NOW my vibe and maybe I’ll have some men’s attention too… It worked pretty well so far…

    Will call right now the hairdresser and take an appointment for Friday night 🙂

  28.  #28Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 8:41 am

    A friend of mine had this posted on FB.

    “You have to pull your own happy wagon.”
    ~ Someone’s grandma.

    Love it!

  29.  #29Mel on February 14, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Happy ♥ Day ladies!

    Pretty low-key for me, which feels great. He’s making dinner, and a we’ll have a quiet evening in.

    I wonder how many men really HATE this holiday? So many stupid expectations and pressure around it!

    Yesterday, I was grocery shopping and I saw some chocolate covered strawberries. I bought myself some and as the lady was putting them in my bag the box got a little squished. She said “oh… do you want a new one?” and I said “no worries… they’re just a treat for me. I buy my own Valentine’s presents!” I hot an approving smile and nod from the guy behind me in line… 😉

  30.  #30Xti on February 14, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I love my valentine heart. I love that it was crushed, bruised and bleeding a year ago. Terrified, weeping, frantic.

    Today my beautiful heart is repairing itself. The bandages are off, the scar is visible but knitting well, and I feel renewed.

    I celebrate my imperfection today. I love that I’m learning to Samba and it feels awkward and stilted but at the same time, something is loosening up and feeling freer.

    Gorgeous girl, you inspire me! You are the best and I love you so much.

  31.  #31Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Good morning Sirens, Happy Valentine’s Day!

    I have no romantic expectations of this day at all…. and since the girls are sick, doubt we’ll do any celebrating, but I feel ok about that.

    I have had some amazing, romantic days in my life, and most of them have not happened on Feb. 14th. It’s just a day, doesn’t make us more or less lovable to have someone this day. It’s certainly nice when we do, and they make a big deal out of it… I remember a year my husband got our oldest (we didn’t have our youngest yet) and I each a dozen roses. She got pink, I got red, and I got an emerald ring, and he took us out to a special dinner. He knew how much I loved cards and gave me a special one too. But I didn’t need all that… just being together, feeling so loved… made it special.

    Lizka, my mom finally stopped asking about my dating life, lol. She thought I’d be remarried by now, but didn’t care for the one guy I was serious enough about to bring home. I’d tell her how you feel, she may not realize how she’s coming across. Hugs!

  32.  #32Goodheart on February 14, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Sondra, I used to be a non-gusher, but now I SO am! And it makes me feel very girly & cute & adorable & my bf just lights up when I gush.

    You can become a gusher too! Start with a little gush here, a tiny gush there. Here a gush, there a gush, everywhere a gush-gush.

    See? I’m totally out of control now 🙂

  33.  #33Sondra on February 14, 2012 at 8:52 am

    LOL ~ Thanks for that! I will try my best to gush tonight! I’ll practice on my dogs – I know they like it and I don’t feel stupid when I gush to them!

  34.  #34lk on February 14, 2012 at 9:10 am

    often i forget thoughts but i think i heard the beatles never wrote their songs down … just kept the ones they remembered the next day… i’ll pull it out from finish to start like a magician pulling scarves

    i was driving down the mountain this morning & i got, “they fall away like petals” & i saw, what’s left is the sex, the birthing, then a dried husk – april is the cruelest month. breeding, you give up your life, they say. they say, you don’t have any idea.

    i opened up like a Queen this morning – all my petals around me – securely attached: fears & hungers & the sufferings, dripping off my skirts like diamonds or dewdrops

    a pang of “corporate ladder” goes through me like guilt… & then i think, fxck i’m really a writer & now i’m feeling doomed to get drunk & fuck up all of my relationships. i already promised not to do the dark thing, when i was small, when i heard the story of the raspberry lazarus lady baking brains & under the house.

    i’m smiling happy at this one: jealousy & pride exploding in my whole body & also pure anger & all Desire, Greed, Ignorance, all. so first just questions, then apologizing for the questions. then tears. tears. tears, just tears. mad very angry up the steps in the car & no one is talking & i say finally in the house i feel disgusted & that sounds gross. i’m sobbing in the shower & he comes in & holds me & i’m soaking through his tshirt just sobbing feels like the world will drown in my tears & he just keeps asking but i don’t know so i can’t say & really it’s not as bad as it sounds. he leaves & i find i can sing to myself & it feels like a mother’s voice & i love myself & it feels very gentle & warms. in the bed, we kiss & get close & it’s like nothing a little bit but then afterward it comes back like a falcon, like false hope in the halo of the sun glimpsed through a thin spot in the storm blanket. i sleep wakefully, read, wake gratefully. perform my ablutions, feeling lovely & graceful. find the rock in my shoe & stop the march to kick up dust & try to find some comfort. i pout, i say I love you, i stomp my foot & go into the next room, & agree with him peacefully. really, i agree with everything he says. he really is a good man. but somehow i am also right & i want to hear him say it. he doesn’t say i’m right. he kind of acts like i’m a little nutty. exasperated. i understand. i feel compassion toward his exasperation & toward my exasperating. i am a little nutty. but he is too. & he doesn’t want to think i’m right because he is working so hard to be right & he wanted to tell me all about it, like i can’t see that he is very strong & very good. but still i feel loved. aww thinking of him is sweetness. after we sat on the couch & i said i wish i didn’t have to leave this pleasant place with you & peace i love him

  35.  #35lk on February 14, 2012 at 9:14 am

    often i forget thoughts but i think i heard the beatles never wrote their songs down … just kept the ones they remembered the next day… i’ll pull it out from finish to start like a magician pulling scarves

    i was driving down the mountain this morning & i got, “they fall away like petals” & i saw, what’s left is the sxx, the bxrthing, then a dried husk – april is the cruelest month. breeding, you give up your life, they say. they say, you don’t have any idea.

    i opened up like a Queen this morning – all my petals around me – securely attached: fears & hungers & the sufferings, dripping off my skirts like diamonds or dewdrops

    a pang of “corporate ladder” goes through me like guilt… & then i think, fxck i’m really a writer & now i’m feeling doomed to get drunk & fxck up all of my relationships. i already promised not to do the dark thing, when i was small, when i heard the story of the raspberry lazarus lady baking brains & under the house.

    i’m smiling happy at this one: jealousy & pride exploding in my whole body & also pure anger & all Desire, Greed, Ignorance, all. so first just questions, then apologizing for the questions. then tears. tears. tears, just tears. mad very angry up the steps in the car & no one is talking & i say finally in the house i feel disgusted & that sounds gross. i’m sobbing in the shower & he comes in & holds me & i’m soaking through his tshirt just sobbing feels like the world will drown in my tears & he just keeps asking but i don’t know so i can’t say & really it’s not as bad as it sounds. i say i’ll come out soon. he leaves & i find i can sing to myself & it feels like a mother’s voice & i love myself, gently & warmly. in the bed, we kiss & get close & it’s like nothing a little bit but then afterward it comes back like a falcon, like the halo of the sun glimpsed through a thin spot in the storm blanket. i sleep wakefully, read, wake gratefully. perform my ablutions, feeling lovely & graceful. find the rock in my shoe & stop the march to kick up dust & try to find some comfort. for some reason, it’s all there minus any guilt or blame. i pout, i say I love you, i stomp my foot & go into the next room, & agree with him peacefully. really, i agree with everything he says. he really is a good man. but somehow i am also right & i want to hear him say it. he doesn’t say i’m right. he kind of acts like i’m a little nutty. exasperated. i understand. i feel compassion toward his exasperation & toward my exasperating. i am a little nutty. but he is too. & he doesn’t want to think i’m right because he is working so hard to be right & he wanted to tell me all about it, like i can’t see that he is very strong & very good. but still i feel loved. aww thinking of him is sweetness. we sat on the couch until i was late & i said i wish i didn’t have to leave this pleasant place with you & peace i love him

  36.  #36Starla on February 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

    I love being single
    I love leaning back
    I love getting everything I could want and more, unexpectedly, quele surprise, without doing anything at all.

    leaning back works like crazy.

  37.  #37Starla on February 14, 2012 at 9:30 am


  38.  #38Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Hmmmmm just went to smoke a cig with a female collegue who knows ATW. She told me they went for lunch a few weeks ago to discuss something about work…

    And she said he told her about he is ready and is looking for a serious relationship and blah blah blah.

    I don’t know if I should feel worried that he’s looking and that this girl is not me and he’s just seeing me “in the mean time”. Or perhaps I should feel hopeful that he thinks it might be me and this is why he is “trying” again…

    The first possibility really feels hurtful. The second feels hopeful…

    In 3 weeks, we had 3 dates, he always invited me. 90% of the times, he leans forward to me. He is now texting me almost every night… He said that he is not sleeping any other girl…

    What should I think?

  39.  #39Starla on February 14, 2012 at 9:34 am

    36, Think,

    This man is courting Me. I am the prize.

    How nice:)

  40.  #40Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Haha Lizka,

    What a dilemma 🙂

  41.  #41Femininewoman on February 14, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Lizka think that he is looking for the one, and trying to make you the one. However, sleeping with him will not necessarily convince him that you are the one. If you continue sleeping with him make sure it is all about you and your happiness because that is what you want. If you don’t feel good about yourself afterwards then I would stop if I were you. Giving him space to really explore his feelings can only do the relationship good.

  42.  #42Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Thabk you Memulo, Starla and FW.

    “think that he is looking for the one, and trying to make you the one”

    This feels good. I like that.

    About sleeping with him, I think I feel comfortable about it now. And I am aware that this will not make him love me, but it’s still sharing intimacy, no?

    I am working hard on everything else, spdcially feeling messages and I am leaning back like crazy with all my energy even though I sometimes fail.

    During our last date (Sunday) he really acted like we were a real couple, just like we use to be. He was comfortable at my appartment and hold me in his arms all night. I really felt like we did a giant baby step.

    I hope this is not casual dating and that he is indeed trying to make me be the one and creating a relationship with me.

    Yay I feel hopeful!!

  43.  #43Femininewoman on February 14, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Lizka I encourage you to sink into your feelings just in case the monkeys in your head start shouting. That way you can sscript your feelings ahead of time just in case you find yourself in a place where you are questioning and doubting things. Don’t hope that it is not casual dating if that is not what you want. Be comfortable within yourself that you want more than casual dating so that you can find the words to be able to say them. Your other cds are a good place to practice such speeches and the more cds you have to practice that on the more you will raise your self esteem and be comfortable speaking up for yourself. Now is the time to cdate.

  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on February 14, 2012 at 9:56 am

    @30: Turquoise says:
    “…I have no romantic expectations of this day at all….”

    How about getting a “Valentine lipstick?” To manifest some kisses…

    I think I’m grandmother you referred to earlier… pulling my happy wagon… LOL

  45.  #45Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Lizka, last week you were feeling bored with him…. how do you really feel about him? Do you want to be in a relationship with him specifically, or just a relationship? If you really want it to be him, I’d just lean back, set some boundaries, and see how you feel.

    If you are ok with last minute planned dates, then that is ok, don’t feel bad because it’s wrong here. If you feel good about sleeping with him…. own that.

    The most important thing is to love yourself, and teach other people how to treat you. I see you madly loving yourself and that is inspiring. Any guy would be so lucky to have you. Remember that!

  46.  #46Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Thank you FW for the advices. My other CDs are very inconstant though… Trying hard to CDate…

  47.  #47Goodheart on February 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Awww, I just got flowers.

    🙂 Feeling very smiley. 🙂


  48.  #48Liz on February 14, 2012 at 10:00 am


    Thanks for making me laugh Goodheart! I love that….babysteps gushing….here a gush, there a gush, everywhere a gush, gush….

    I feel so happy, I just went for a run by the river and it felt so grounding and my body feels warm and full of food and I am looking forward to a day of love.

    Love to all of you

  49.  #49Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Oh SLV, if I could manage the energy to get my sick self off the couch, that would be an excellent idea. I don’t know that we’ll make it out of the house today, but if we do… I will definitely stop for a new lipstain…. I’ve been wanting a glossy hint of color. 🙂 I’ve been treating myself the last two weeks. I bought myself roses 2 weeks ago, then this past weekend I bought the Breaking Dawn movie and a box of chocolates.

    The girls and I still feel off, but are on the mend. Some fresh air may be a great idea.

  50.  #50Starla on February 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

    oooh i love this idea and am going to dig up a lipstick or gloss out of my purse and go put it on right now. Very nice:)

  51.  #51Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Awwwww thank you Turquoise. 🙂

    The truth is I like everything about him. He’s hot, he’s cute, he’s smart, we like the same kind of things and sex is woooow!

    But right now I wish we had more “romantic” moment. I know this will happen if he is in love with me. So I don’t want to be in a relationship with him if he’s not madely in love with me… Vicious circle here…

  52.  #52Goodheart on February 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Happy Valentine’s Day to you, Lizka.

    And to all the lovely ladies here.

    May love be your constant companion.

  53.  #53Femininewoman on February 14, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Lizka hot, cute and smart does not qualify him. It is about how you feel in his presence so you have to keep asking yourself that question when you with him or not with him.

    What does madly in love with you look like? Does it have to look a specific way or does he get a chance to show it in his own way?

  54.  #54Mochaberri on February 14, 2012 at 10:16 am

    @ FW from previuos post – not sure I understand your comment below –

    Mocha that way I am not sure if I would reach out. However, if he asks me to I might because they need encouragement too. But I don’t like anyone telling me it is my job or duty when it comes to relationships. I just hate the expectation thing.

  55.  #55Mochaberri on February 14, 2012 at 10:16 am

    From previous thread:

    @ David # 750 – and to add to my comment in 759 to you – It really needs to be a mutual thing regarding reaching out on this day of love. I feel that the palce we are in is so sketchy that I’m making an attempt to outgirl him and let him be the man that wants to make me happier and do what it takes to do that. And it’s the man’s job to reach out and make the plans.

  56.  #56Femininewoman on February 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

    If a man tells me it is my job to reach out during Valentine’s etc. I am not sure I would do so. I likely would not. However, if he specifically asks me to call him I assume he has a reason to ask so I might because then I have the option of choosing not to call also. When it is a job I get the sense that all options are closed and I am obligated.

  57.  #57Jessie1000 on February 14, 2012 at 10:20 am

    I am single this VDAY because my man gave me the no commitment speech and backed right off…went from seeing me every single day to one day a week. SO I dumped him. I feel terrible but it also feels better not to take his crumbs. He was scared and he hated that I didnt wait at home for him every day…when he started to back off then I joined a running club and went out more with my buddies from school (all girls) during which i could tell that he was so mad and giving me a terrible time about it thus starting the dance of backing off.

    Im still keeping busy but I feel sad and I wish he would come back and decide that Im the right one but I suspect that its not about me but about his past and so I am just leaning away, ignoring my thoughts of contacting him and feeling generally miserable.

    CD 1, the first guy I met in ottawa,dumped me cause I was dating other guys and told me to F. Off but he came back STRONG a month later, just when I started to see CD 2….the commitment phobe who just backed off.

    I wish I knew better how to meet boys cause I dont like POF since both guys will know now that I am looking to date again and Im afraid they might send their friends to make fun of me or hurt my feelings in revenge….WHY would anyone be mad at me? Because I dont want CRUMBs…go figure.
    SO for now, I will try to meet guys, the old fashioned way which is make conversations and hope someone comes along by chance….not as quick as POF or a Dance club.
    I hope if anyone feels yucky on VDAY, that at least they know they arent alone cause I wish for this day that I had CD 1 or 2 back the way that I had them when we first met. Happy, in love, having crazy sex, laughing and not worrying about marriage or forever cause it all looked bright…..soon, I hope another one will come instead of my old way to hope this guy would not be an idiot…thats a new feeling lol

  58.  #58Mochaberri on February 14, 2012 at 10:22 am

    @ FW – I do want to encourage him in every way possible but not be overfunctioning. About a month ago the subject came up about today and his feelings are that it’s a commercial holiday that is geared to spending money unecessarily.

    Last week he called me 4 times which is a record since we’ve been in this awful place and each time I was very girly, warm and inviting during our conversation. And when something was said out of pocket or he became blamey, I didn’t entertain arguing or a back and forth – it was addressed and left alone.

  59.  #59Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

    My ex texted to ask how me and the girls were feeling. Might seem small, but the fact that he asked about me before them, is wow. Normally I’d get how are all of you or how’s everyone feeling? Now that I think about it, one of the last times he came in, he asked me to pick up dinner and he’d pay for it. When I asksed what he wanted, he said, “Whatever you and the girls want.”

    One of the biggest problems when we were married, was feeling like I came about 4th to him after work, his family, the kids and then me….

    I don’t want to disect words here, but it feels nice noticing the difference.

  60.  #60Dominique on February 14, 2012 at 10:28 am

    A Valentine poem for you all.


  61.  #61Starla on February 14, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Nice, Turquoise! How do you praise him when he does this?

  62.  #62Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 10:32 am


    “What does madly in love with you look like? Does it have to look a specific way or does he get a chance to show it in his own way?”

    Wow you just hit something here!!! Yeah, I think I am expecting something specific and not listening on was he might be showinf with his own language… He might not be “romantic” type but still trying he loves me… He is shy type when with a girl amd not very expressive… Maybe texting me every night and letting me choose the movie and saying he’s not sleeping with anyone else is his way to show me love?

    I don’t think he’s the flower type and romantic date… I have to decide if that is good for me.

    When I’m with him, I feel very turned on and very attracted. I want to kiss him and touch him (not only sexual if this is what you think). I often want to say “I love you” and I have to hold back. I feel melty. I also feel smiley and laughing. Sometimes I also feel impatient too because he is often late and makes me wait a lot…

  63.  #63Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Starla, I thank him for texting/calling/asking, but I haven’t specifically mentioned that he’s asking about me first. I don’t know how he’d feel about me calling attention to it, or making a big deal out of a small thing.

    It’s hard, because I don’t know that he wants to try again for sure. I just know that everytie he’s been here, has been better than the last emotionally connecting wise.

    He is very very careful with his words, always has been. His actions speak volumes, but he’s sparse with emotional words unless he feels very safe and secure. It has to be his idea, so I’m just leaning back and not trying to put any pressure on him.

    I don’t know if I’ll say something to him eventually, or just wait and see how it plays out…. but my pattern would be to say something. So, I feel kinda confused as to do what I’ve always done, or just keep leaning back and be open to what happens next?

  64.  #64Sallythatgirl on February 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Hi turquoise, I am new here. @61.. You don’t have to specifically say anything but something like, oh it feels nice that you are thinking of me…if you want to mention ‘the girls’ you could. But maybe speaking about yourself first in a positive way would be a good way of appreciating his new choice in words. What do you think?

  65.  #65Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Thanks Sallythatgirl… I went back and looked at my reply, and I didn’t even thank him. So even though it had been awhile, I wrote, “Thank you for asking about me and the girls. Feels nice to be checked on.”

    Probably not the best, but with it being over an hour later….. and the fact that he was planning to head to work where he has no reception and won’t get it for another 4 hours at least… ack! I had to send it with no expectation of a reply. Couldn’t be too gushy.

    I love what someone wrote earlier about here a gush, there a gush, every where a gush gush. I’m not gushy, and it feels uncomfortable most of the time, but I’m getting better at it.

  66.  #66Mel on February 14, 2012 at 11:07 am


    This has nothing to do with Valentine’s day… but I’m feeling so much love from Mr. A and my heart feels very full of love for him.

    I have been saving up to buy something (business-y) and I was commenting to Mr. A about my search and he offered to pay for half of it!

    I said: “I have a very generous and supportive man in my life don’t I? I feel very lucky. Part of me feels bad though… Sometimes I have a hard time accepting things. Like what if I turned out to be a crummy ______ and you regret your investment? Hmmm… That’s a silly thought though because I will likely ROCK. lol 🙂 I dunno cutie…”

    And he replied… “I know you will rock and felt that offering to pay half would work better for a ‘feeling-y girl’ than to just buy the whole thing… LOL”

    Sigh…. ♥♥

  67.  #67Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Wow Mel, that is wonderful! 🙂

  68.  #68Mel on February 14, 2012 at 11:18 am

    I lurve that he notices that I’m a feeling-y girl. That makes me feel all smiley!

  69.  #69Cynthiamv on February 14, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Hello ladies and Happy Valentines Day!
    I just got Rori’s latest newsletter and since I am in single, I decided to look at the website once again to see what would best apply to me. I found you guys here and am happy to know that I am not the only unattached person out there! I am also loving the JOY acronym today. Took myself to lunch and will take myself shopping later this evening – yay me!
    Anyway, I was wondering which of Rori’s tools you single ladies may have gotten and are using with success. That will be helpful to me in deciding my next purchase here. Many thanks for your help and much love to all:)

  70.  #70Sassy on February 14, 2012 at 11:23 am

    HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! To each and every one of us beautiful, warm, loving souls.

  71.  #71Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 11:24 am


    It would be hard to miss! I think you are the most feeling-y girl here. Do you really have to think about what you want to say first, or does it come more automatically to you now? I really have to think about it, and even then, it still feels awkward.

  72.  #72Mochaberri on February 14, 2012 at 11:27 am

    @ FW #54 thanks – I feel more understanding of your post

  73.  #73Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

    RORI, Thank you for this post! Beautiful and Inspiring ♥

  74.  #74Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

    A friend of mine wrote on FB today that 8 years ago her husband proposed, and if she had to do it all over again, she’d still make the same choices. He died about 6 months ago from cancer.

    Seems love and loss often go hand in hand.

    Hugs sirens, let’s absorb every drop of love we can out of this life, and give it freely to others. Let’s share the love 🙂

  75.  #75Mel on February 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Double OMG!!!

    Now he pulled out a FM on me (so cute) and threw the “L” word in there!

    “It’s my pleasure to help. It feels really good to know that I am also supported by the woman I am in love with…(just thought I would slip that in there on a day like today ; )”

  76.  #76Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

    AWWWWW MEL!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    So so happy for you! WOW!

  77.  #77Mel on February 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Thanks Turquoise,

    The FMs are definitely getting easier and feel more authentic. The happy ones just come out of me all gushy-like and I feel good saying them! 🙂

    Anything about my own “stuff” continues to be a challenge, and I usually need a bit of time to reflect before I’m ready to share. He is pretty patient with me though and I think because he knows I will share eventually and that I will be completely honest about my feelings, it works out okay.

  78.  #78Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Yeah Mel! Love to hear the L word!!! ♥

  79.  #79Mochaberri on February 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    From previous post

    @ FW #766 – Yes he is entitled to do what he wants to do – call or not call. How I feel about it – I feel indifferent. I guess what I don’t feel good about is from my past experience with him – his blamey way of me not fufilling his expectations.

    I recall a time when we were really going through it after breaking up and I statedt that if we are going to go with the flow then I’m going to let go of my expectations. And his response was – why? I’m not going to do that.

    I don’t want the type of relationship where a person is obligated because of another’s person’s expectations – I hate the expectation thing too.

  80.  #80Starla on February 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    yay mel!!!!

  81.  #81Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm


    I am not sure what other advice was given to you by the other Sirens. I would reach out warmly but simply with a Valentine Wish of well-being.

    I do believe it is important to create our love lives. Sometimes one person has to take the 1st step and I believe that even in your situation, it might be you, but done in respect and very simply.

    For example: I am thinking of you today and wishing you happiness and love on this special day. Respectfully and with caring.

  82.  #82Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    David, I am sorry if I am not understanding the situation fully, I am catching up with the blod a little, and searched comments with your name. I apologize in advance if I am misunderstanding your question or situation.

  83.  #83Starla on February 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Eeeep, I took myself out for a fried chicken lunch and now i am toooo full. Ooopsies. Silly Starla, overdoing it with the self-love lol!

  84.  #84Ella on February 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I have been away from the blog for a couple of days and feel out of touch.

    I see there is a FB group for Sirens and it is secret.

    Does that mean that anything we post there will not show up in our friend’s news feeds (unless they are a member too) or on our walls??

    Just feeling worried about people finding this plavce…

  85.  #85Ella on February 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm


    So much has happened in the last few days… it has been an emotional time and I feel quite overwhelmed and tense, more tense than I have done for a long time.

    I mentioned on here before that my bosses at the pub had a little boy who died from leukimia aged 10 yrs just last week. Well yesterday was the funeral.

    The staff from the pub were invited and MWC was very close to him.

    I went along, also to support MWC as well as because I wanted to go.

    And I was unprepared for how big of an effect it had on me.

    I always find funerals difficult since attending so many family members funerals when I was younger (my Dad, Aunt and Grandparents – all at separate times).

    Anyway it was very, very emotional and afterwards we went back to the pub with everyone from the funeral and they needed some help so I ended up helping behind the bar.

    I decided I could not face my Zumba class and so cancelled for that night.

    I had still been having a hard time trusting MWC about the issue we were having of me believing he was taking drugs.

    And he still keeps stepping up like mad.

    The night before the funeral we had our Valentines meal that he cooked, and he gave me a card, champagne and flowers.

  86.  #86Starla on February 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    What will the fb group offer than the blog will not?

  87.  #87Daria on February 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    FB group offers: chance to put up/see pictures and images

    commenting by thread (and with announcements of new omments on thread we posted on)

    seeing more of the siren ladies thru their pictures albums, etc…

  88.  #88Silver-Tongued Siren on February 14, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    alright. freaking out a bit about the email I sent BF. I really want to know. Terrified either way. And I think he is too. At least if he’s hesitating in responding I can safely assume he is concerned about what my reaction will be.

    I very nearly want to apologize for sending it, know.. the baby isn’t getting any younger, or less intelligent. come on just take a chance already. (like I have any room to talk. I’ve been very attached to staying just where I am. But I HAVE been open to the *idea*.)

    Maybe I should say something. Maybe I put too much pressure on with these questions. But then again maybe not. feeling like I need to breathe… which means he might mean he feels like he needs to breathe..hmmmm!

    I think that if I am very open to him and leaned back and relaxed when he comes to me, or answers me, no matter what his answer, not blaming him or getting angry, this will actually increase his trust in me.

    knowing I am honest, and I don’t freak out with drama if I don’t like his answer.
    and i don’t shut him out, I stay open, but yet hold my boundaries. sounds like good practice, if anything!

    He admitted this wknd when I asked that he’s “maybe” been sleeping with someone else.. (far from the first time, we’ve never had an exclusive rlsp, but also never in years had a rlsp where we were able to see each other frequently either.

    and when I asked about it and when I said I wanted to be there, he said “well I asked you to come there”…

    hmmm yeah I so wish I had asked him right then “so if I come there, will we be exclusive etc”.

    oh well. if my email causes him to back off I will just lean back harder. 😀 leaning back fixes everything. hold the tension!

    not really sure it was a mistake anyway, just terrified of his answer either way.

    but I guess he didn’t think he was going to admit to sleeping with someone else and it be okay? hehe. (obviously he hadn’t been forthcoming about this.)

    I felt in a bit of a teasing/light/playful mood about it. And I told him all about how I felt about it – curious, interested, turned on, (in theory but if i was there it would feel bad), sad, wondering if I am not good enough, (he said “it’s not that!”) etc.

    Later as he was waiting for his “ride”, his female “friend” from work, he asked if he could take a banana… …. to remember me by. I said “you better! you might need it. wink wink. and i did say I need a man who wanted to have sex only with me… (hope that didn’t sound like totally discarding him..) didn’t do as well at feeling msgs at that part but at least I was truly light and teasing. I felt like I did well earlier in the evening.

    I think I had slightly dampened the “mood” in the beginning when I brought up that I was feeling kind of nervous and on the fence about having sex today, and he asked why?? – and I brought up wanting to feel safe and loved (and he said he didn’t know what i needed to feel safe! 🙂 and I mentioned my intentions to change my boundaries – being exclusive or maybe even just not having sex anymore with anyone. we were interuppted by baby crying, and then he backed off sexually (not trying to have sex with me..) but remained open to me… I felt like it was a conversation in progress and I wanted to have sex, so I got things started again… and then.. when we were really into it..I asked him if he’d been f*ing anyone else since I wasn’t home with him?..I also asked him about all of this in a completely lighthearted, mischevious, honest, open way – not upset at all. I asked him while we were having sex. In fact, I think he felt good being honest with me, without me blaming or getting mad about it, I appeared to make sex even better for him, at the moment, although we always have amazing sex.

    Yes I know this is a little off the wall for some of you. Oh well. I am just operating in the moment right now.

  89.  #89Silver-Tongued Siren on February 14, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    starla 83 – agree with daria 84

    getting to know the sirens better. and pics, etc.

  90.  #90Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    At the funeral there was a healer, who had worked with the little boy for a few years before he died.

    He had good results with him in that he helped him to feel better and stay well for longer and have a longer life, although he still died in the end.

    And the healer did a tribute and while he was speaking I could so relate to what he was saying as he was talking of living in the present and how everything is energy and energy never really dies, just transforms.

    And he was talking about how inspiring the boy was and how we can celebrate his life.

    And afterwards at the pub the healer guy kept making eye contact with me…

    He had a lot of prescence.

    I was feeling very uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the day, and just everything going on… and my struggles with MWC situation.

    So the healer starts talking to me and MWC and much of the stuff he says is so spot on.

    And he says to me am I ok cus I looke ‘burdened’ and he said if ever anything in my life is not working for me, for whatever reason, I should just walk away, just drop it completely.

    He said there is no need for me to ever feel burdened.

    He said as soon as we attach too much to a person, a place or an outcome we become burdened. And this is no good for anyone.

    He said don’t be scared, I must live for me and trust and be brave.

    I took it to mean he as talking about MWC and me and I became really thoughtful. 7

    MWC realised what was happening and he became very sad. But he was still sweet to me and did not pressurise me.

    I was quiet and thoughtful and wondered about just leaving the situation of me and him.

    But after some time with this… I just didn’t want to.

    I felt an overwhelming urge to talk to the healer guy again… so I went over to him and he sat aside with me…

    And I said to him did what he said mean I should leave MWC…

    And he said NO! That is not what he meant at all.

    He was just talking generally and he didn’t know me, but then he said MWC is a good soul.

    He said for me he is not the problem, but actually part of the solution!

    So then it all came pouring out of me about my doubts with MWC and my worries that he has a drug problem.

    So then the healer called MWC over and I was sitting there cringing inside and the healer came right out and asked MWC about it and I felt terrified that he would be furious with me, but he wasn’t.

    And the healer was asking him all these questions like if he did have an issue would he tell me and why/why not… and all the time looking at and touching MWC.

    And MWC was answering all the questions, and I was just sitting there.

    And then the healer said to MWC ‘You can go’.

    And he did.

    And then the healer turned to me and said ‘he does not have a coke problem’.

    And he went on to say I have an issue with trust. And barriers.

    That I have put up.

    And it all just kinda clicked in me.

    And then the conversation was over but I felt so overwhelmed that I rushed to the toilet and burst into floods of tears.

    MWC followed me and knocked on the door till I let him in and kinda scooped me up off the floor and held onto me and wiped up my tears.

  91.  #91Mochaberri on February 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Happy V Day Sirens!!! I wish you all lots of love peace and happiness

  92.  #92Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    I felt like such a crazy woman.

    I had been soooo convinced I was right about this and adament with him… even after the drugs test he did… I just couldn’t trust him.

    Until this healer last night.

    And when I realised that I was I felt so lost, like I have no grasp on reality at all.

    I felt completely at sea.

    Suddenly I was the f8cked up one with all the issues, instead of the together, sorted one!!!

    Not sure it felt so good.

    I told MWC I believed him.

    I had been drinking too, and MWC hadn’t, so he took me home to his house.

    I felt completely at sea.

    And I just wanted to be close to him.

    I decided I wanted to sleep with him… I jusy kind of knew that I was going to.

    And I wanted to.

    I have been seeing him for a month and a half and I have known him about 4 months.

    It was much better than I thought it would be, although I still was tense sometimes and he had to help me relax in order that we could do it.

  93.  #93Rori Raye on February 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Vanessa – it’s all about romancing yourself, and getting so into yourself that he just instinctively “joins” you! Love, Rori

  94.  #94Silver-Tongued Siren on February 14, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I had to get out the dulce de leche ice cream while writing that.

    :relieved breath:

    BF TEXTED me this morning at 8:47 am -after he was at work and he figured I would be awake, “Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂 I wish I was there!” ….

    last valentine’s day he wasn’t here either and MILW took me out to dinner and BF said he would too but never did that I know of. lol.

    but oh yeah it’s not last valentine’s anymore, it’s now.

    At 10:30 I texted “thank you! Happy Valentine’s Day to you! Yes it would be (feeel!!damnit!) fun if you were here! Should I let you make it up to me?..;D :very mischevious grin:

    and that’s all. no flowers. no gifts this weekend. nooooonothings. damnit! he thinks he’s a bad gift-giver, but… I want him to try, anyway!

    MILW CALLED me on his way to work this morning, we talked for 10-15 minutes. He called to say Happy Valentine’s Day!!! and I was just waking up as I was up all night.. he said I sounded like something sexy still in bed.. can’t remember what we talked about other than a mention of a potential renter (but NONE of the rest of the convo was about business), and he was trying to find out if I had made plans for Vday or not – and I wish I hadn’t been so sleepy, I should’ve said “why, are you asking to make plans with me” or something similar. Or just said “Yes.”

    (HOW do you answer a Man who finds out you have plans and wants to know WHAT your plans are???….)

    anyway .. he got off the phone and said “I love you”. I said “I love you too”…

    and that’s all.

    I wish I had more energy today and had gotten some sleep last night!! I want to treat myself to a pre-planned lavish day of love for myself, but it’s 3:15 and I have so much work to do, baby to put down for a nap, and … well… not sure what I want to do for myself exactly. I should think about this.

    *Paint my nails
    *shower with my delicious cocoa soap
    *think about what types of “things”, clothing, furnishings, images, fabrics, etc make me feel goddessy and begin to make a plan to surround myself in them.
    oh – i need to fix my car battery!! I need to be open to someone coming over to replace it for me…but then I feel a little obligated to keep them company after…
    MILW just texted me JUST NOW, “I could really use a massage today. do you have time around 4?” ……………………………………………………………………

    What do I say to that?

    … i want to be open to him, …….

    but hey, what the hell about me! it’s valentine’s day and he doesn’t want to live with me and be my life partner anymore but he wants to come over on vday and have me give him a massage? ………………………

    is this a place where I should just be grateful for his love and company,

    and then crowd him out again?
    or crowd him out now?
    …. what?!

    ….let me get my head around this and go fix myself up real quick and when I come back maybe I or one of you will have a suggestion about this.

  95.  #95Senior Lady Vibe on February 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    @72: Mel

    ❗ 😀

  96.  #96Silver-Tongued Siren on February 14, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Also that’s when baby starts getting very sleepy/crabby and he won’t let me give MILW a massage without crying anyway most likely. unless he’s asleep.

    maybe I should respond “actually I have plans… to get a massage… would you be interested? lol.

    that doesn’t really feel good right this minute. I will check back in a few minutes.

    and grrrr on the not respecting my boundary of “don’t contact me unless” ….. so now because he tells me happy valentine’s day he wants a massage? hmmmmmmmmm…..!!!!!!

  97.  #97Starla on February 14, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    ohhh i feel eager to see CF. I feel so melty and safe in his arms, and i can FEEL his full presence when we are together, and it is so big and powerful and just for me.

  98.  #98Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Goodheart…I love that…gushing…sometimes I think I gush too much…see post above lol…but in the moment it comes natural…I feel happy about that

    Rugby Man just texted “hey beautiful…thank you for spending time with me on V day”

    I didn’t want to say “you’re welcome”…that sounds off to me…so I replied…”I like that…makes me feel soft warm and melty :)”

    I have received 4 other happy V’s from men…I feel loved and cherished but most of all I love and truly cherish me 🙂

  99.  #99Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    He was very attentive and loving.

    Today we were working together.

    He asked me if I would stay at his tonight.

    But I said no this time.

    I needed some me time to just find my balance again and come on here, and process and stuff.

    This morning his ex dropped off the dog to his house, as she does after every weekend. They dog-share.

    They were never married but I feel uncomfortable about her.

    A while ago there was a FB comment from him to her that triggered me.

    That was right at the beginning of when he and I started dating and I told him how I felt and he since apologised and explained.

    He says he wants it to be just me and him.


    He wants me.

    And I still feel uncomfortable with it.

    They were together 7 years and loved each other a lot I think, although he says he feels better with me, and he can be himself completely with me… which he was not with her. I didn’t ask him for this info he has just come out with it sometimes.

    This morning when she dropped the dog off I was sitting on the sofa.

    She could not see me.

    After she dropped the dog off she kissed him…

    I don’t know whether it was on the cheek of lips or what.

    I just heard.

    And then he was like ‘ok bye then’ and closed the door.

    And she was like ‘oh, ok bye’.

    I felt very uncomfortable.

    I do trust him but I feel hella angry actually that she kissed him.

    Like WTF????

    I managed to tell him I felt weird and I also asked him if she ever stays over anymore (cus he once mentioned that she used to) and he said no.

    He said she only stayed over cus she has a gambling problem (he has said this before) and sometimes she would stay over to stop her doing that, but that she hasn’t for months.

    Anyway I could tell he did not want to talk about it anymore so I dropped it.

    But I am realising I am so not ok with it.

  100.  #100Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Ella…((((((hugs)))) your posts feel so vulnerable and raw…are you feeling better?

  101.  #101Starla on February 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Ella, that is all very interesting about MWC. Thank you for updating us:) Happy vday siren <3

  102.  #102Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    But I so don’t want to keep having ‘issues’


  103.  #103Zara on February 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Cherry Norris tele seminar

  104.  #104Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Rugby man just replied…”good to hear, I like how I feel when I am around you :)”

    oh goodness…I can’t stop smiling!!!!!!!!

  105.  #105Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    STS…wow!! you have so much going on with these men…

  106.  #106Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    And today I was feeling tired and hung over.

    But I was determined to work and do what I needed to do.

    I worked all day in the pub and decided to cancel my Zumba class tonight too.

    its Valentines and half term and I don’t think anyone much would have come anyway.

    I felt weird/guilty cancelling but I needed to prioritise me, and have some time on here at relaxing in front of the fire.

    Re-claiming my energy, and getting in touch with my equilibrium.

    I am starting to feel a bit better.

    And the stuff with the healer, and the funeral, really knocked me for six.

    And I feel so worried about the fact that I am so awkard in my skin, and everyone must see it and feel it.

    And he said it was about stepping into my own personal power. Not to do with being masculine energy (I didn’t mention masc/fem energy at all!!) but just my own personal power.

    To claim that and not give a sh8t what anyone thinks and not to let anyone mess with my vibe!

    And today I sometimes just found it harder… cus I was thinking about it.

    But sometimes I did just feel compfortable and in my power again.

    And when I do it all flows.

    I just find it hard sometimes not to care what MWC thinks of me… and to be Rockstar. And I feel awkward, and like a fool.

    And other times it is easy.

    And when I am awkward everything feels jilted and wrong.

  107.  #107Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Ella…I would feel uncomfortable too…time will tell…and you expressed to him how you felt and he seems responsive to you…it feels good to see you expressing boundaries…like feeling weird about things.

  108.  #108Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    ok..I am totally procrastinating lol…I have to get some things done 🙂

  109.  #109Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    And when I feel like that I find it hard to believe ANYONE would want me.

    And at the end of the night the healer made a throw away comment as he was leaving something along the lines of MWC and I won’t be long term anyway.

    And I felt tense and asked what he meant.

    And then he said don’t worry cus he had been drinking and wasn’t very connected anyway, and not to worry about it, and then he left.

    I feel sad about this.

  110.  #110Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    And worried about what he meant with that last comment.

    The other day I shared with MWC that my biggest fear is getting close to people and then losing them because they die of ill health.

    That is why I get so triggered about people taking lots of drugs and alcohol, and eating badly.

    MWC said he is not going to die cus he is planning to stay around and take care of me.

    Since then I’ve noticed he is drinking less and he is eating regularly and healthily!



  111.  #111Starla on February 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Brenda, please no mention of “Siren Island” on my profile. I deleted your comment. I am super guarded about my privacy.

  112.  #112Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    And breath.

    Ok, spamming done.

    And I feel a lot better already.

    Thanks for listening.

  113.  #113Starla on February 14, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Alaska is posting bitter things about women and stuff on his facebook. I’m glad I didn’t give him too many chances. I could tell he was bitter and mean, despite having nice guy potential.

    If you want to date me, nice guy POTENTIAL is not enough. be nice and treat me like gold, or leave me alone to go rage on your facebook wall, thanks!

  114.  #114FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    (((((Ella))))) You’ve been through quite a bit!! Funerals are hard and they bring up all kinds of things for each of us (stuff that can be totally unrelated to the person whose funeral it is.) I’m sure your boss and family really appreciated that you attended.

    The ‘healer guy’ you talked is right about how we’re all energy, etc. I’m always excited when I hear people talk about it. I’m excited for everyone to know about energy and the LOA and being ‘in the vortex.’ 🙂

    I was wondering if, perhaps, you are afraid to let yourself believe his (MWC) words and trust him….because if you do that….then there’s no reason to hold back/keep your guard up/stay in your comfort zone.

    If the drug thing is the only thing causing you to feel unsure/uncomfortable about him, then…

    If you let yourself believe him….then there’s no reason not to “allow” any longer. It means you can ‘let him’ love you. Is that what scares you?

  115.  #115Ella on February 14, 2012 at 1:56 pm


    I do feel totally uncomfortable about MWC’s ex kissing him…

    I mean it sounded like a peck on the cheek. It wasn’t a snog.

    But still, what the heck?

    I feel uncomfortable about this.

    I am going to express it.

    I feel angry but I won’t say this just yet.

    I may practice some scripts on here.

  116.  #116Ella on February 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Flowerchild re 114.


    And thanks for replying.

    Yes, I feel worried to let him love me.

    Feels scary.

    But most of all the fear is about letting my guard down and then getting hurt.

    It is only the drug thing which was holding me back.

    Oh, and I feel uncomfortable about his ex.

    But, never about him as a person or how he makes me feel.

    About those I feel really good.

  117.  #117Practicing girl on February 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Not doing such a great job of romancing myself this week, felt like I have been lacking in focus and energy…have tried to sink to my knees and find out what is going on with me …and feel a little better for it today, went for a run just now – really went for it and am now running a hot bath and my daughter has been so funny toninght- so beautiful. Perhaps I need some chocolate too and some green tea!!!

    After 8 days no contact with dizzy CD (on my own asking), after I had said no to being ‘friends’, I text him tonight to say I still feel the same but hope he ok but that I felt crummy about what I said in that I would have been upset if a friend had said that to me….he sends lovely reply back immediately that he understands etc and sorry if he has hurt me too and see you again soon etc x.
    But Bleh I feels not very sireny in the ‘no contact sort of way’ and in my apologising sort of way. But I do feel a lot lighter. Is that because I have heard from him, hmmmm? or…

    I was reading the blog last night and a lot of sirens were talking about feeling like the prize which was a very helpful reminder….but also there was a bit of a discussion on that you dont have to leave them necessarily – you just need to get into your self and live your passions and croud them out with the other good stuff going in your life, then if they step up they step up and if they dont then they dont, but by then you will have lots of busy fun stuff going on so that you will not care – next!. Sounds so simple doesnt it!!

    Think I leant forward tonight – not good siren practice, although I dont think I was expecting anything – feel a bit confused about it it all to be honest, although the communication felt honest and I feel much better. Feel like on the way up again – need more CD’s, have not felt like making much eye contact this week. Perhaps I have felt so lo because I have not run for a week, duh, simples.

  118.  #118Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    I was taking a bath, hoping the hot water would sooth my sore neck and back. I heard a knock at the door and then my oldest saying, “Mom, there are two gift baskets here and a long, white box.”

    I got out of the tub and went down to see the two teddy bear gift baskets, each with a balloon and candy, and a box of long stemmed, red roses that smell exquisite.

    The girls each had a card saying “to my favorite Valentine Love, Dad”

    Very very sweet and so happy for them. But by the time I’d arranged the flowers, snapped a few pictures to send to him, and got back in the tub, my negative voices were screaming…. what about me? Why didn’t I get a card? Have I been fooling myself that he might actually want me? I cried a little bit and then soaked an extra long time in the tub. Gave myself a mani/pedi in a sparkly red that looks gorgeous. Happy Valentine’s Day fingers and toes! Then I looked in the mirror at my sad eyes. Poor things… sending Valentine’s to those too. Broken blood vessels from throwing up, poor sad eyes, here is some eye cream and cooling eye gel. Happy Valentine’s Day. My skin, that at 38 still breaks out…. here is a good cleaning, and some special face cream that I rarely remember to use. Happy Valentine’s Day face. I love you, even if you break out and have oily and dry spots.

    Negative voices, Happy Valentine’s Day to you too. Maybe you are right, maybe I’ve been fooling myself, but maybe he isn’t ready to write the words on a card. There were three presents, he always gave me red roses and the girls pink, white or yellow. Maybe, negative voices… those flowers were for me too.

    I choose to believe that someone special is in my future, and he’ll be ready to say and write the words to me, to let me know I’m special to him. I choose to feel as if, something good is so close I can almost feel it.

    Happy Valentine’s to my chubby stomach, my right boob which is larger than my left, and the cellulite that has shown up in a few too many places.

    But also Happy Valentine’s Day to my long dark lashes, my think, deep brown, curly hair, my strong, beautiful nails, my sparkly deepy brown eyes, my warm smile, and sharp mind. I love me. Every part of me. Even if no one else ever does, I’m ok. I love me!

  119.  #119Ella on February 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm


    Just found this from Rori

    “I don’t want to share you with any woman, it feels terrible – not even a friend – it makes me feel jealous and I don’t like feeling jealous, so it feels challenging for me to feel trusting enough to really open up to you. And on the other hand, I know she’s a friend, you have history with her, and you’re a good man and don’t want to not help her when she needs you – and so I feel kind of stuck here and don’t know what to do…What do you think?”

    Seems like a good script for what I would like to say, although I would shorten it.

  120.  #120Ella on February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Gosh I am feeling angry now.

    Wonder what that is about.

    This is mine.

    Not to do with him…

  121.  #121Ella on February 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Happy Valentines Day Sirens.

    I feel happy this year.


  122.  #122FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Ella…as far as his remark at the end–when he had been drinking…it’s true that alcohol and other drugs have a “low” vibration and muddy our clarity and “connectedness” with the Universe/Source/God. Wayne Dyer talks about this quite a bit.

  123.  #123Starla on February 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    FlowerChild, other teachers of LOA and vibration disagree with the inherently low vibration of alcohol and drugs. Just thought I’d mention that for fair measure

  124.  #124Jilly on February 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Hey…so things that are being posted on Siren Island are showing up in the newsfeed!!!!! this needs to be fixed asap!!

  125.  #125FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm


    Maybe I’m wrong, here…but I would think that, of course, the teddy bear/balloon baskets were for the children—-and that the very adult LONG STEMMED ROSES were for you!

    What do you think? 🙂

  126.  #126Starla on February 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    The flower delivery company never brought me my flowers and the guy who sent them is irritated, lol. maybe they’ll come before the day is over:) even so, I’ve had a wonderful day. So much love to me. So many guys texting and calling saying they think I’m an amazing woman. Awww thank you, gentlemen!

  127.  #127Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Awwwww I feel happily surprised!!

    I was running and when I came back i had a text from ATW saying happy Valentine’s! He thought of me! Yay me!!!

  128.  #128River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Lizka, He’s been thinking of you alllll day!

  129.  #129FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Starla…I know this, too. I know that for some people the very thing you work to legalize plays a part in their spirituality, etc.

    I like what Abraham has to say about that particular indulgence–if you feel bad ABOUT it, then it will hinder you. That makes a whole lot of sense to me.

    I shouldn’t have made such a broad statement–probably why I felt that I should say who/where I heard that from.

  130.  #130River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Turquoise, seems to me those long stemmed roses were for his secret valentine. YOU! I wouldn’t worry about no card, remember you told us that he chooses his words very carefully.

  131.  #131Starla on February 14, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    FlowerChild, not just in my work, but I was thinking particularly of Abraham who mentions that intoxication can actually get you into the vortex.

    Which is true. recreational intoxication IS a way into the vortex. But it really really really can’t be the only thing on a list of ways into the vortex for any given person. It should be one of 50 things on a list of ways into the vortex, at least.

  132.  #132lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    some people call it “kindling” when substances are used to return to the Vortex : )

  133.  #133Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    SmartCD ignored Vday. how nice 😉

    I feel weird because I fwded him a heart graph that I got from a friend – just because he’s a math person and I thought he would appreciate it. Just an hour ago. I didn’t say happy Vday, just shared the link with him. Yikes

  134.  #134Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I think I’m going to start running like 5 times a day. Every time I run he is texting me lately… Hehe gonna be an olympic athlete very soon!!

  135.  #135Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:03 pm


    of course red roses are for YOU!! I hope you’re not even thinking otherwise. No card can mean that he’d rather talk to you in person. He can be shy, reserved, not feeling that all of the sudden putting words on a card is appropriate.

  136.  #136Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:04 pm


    Memulo is not over yet. See, I just got a message from ATW just a few minutes ago!! xoxo

  137.  #137Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Yay Lizka, so he said happy Vday?

  138.  #138Ella on February 14, 2012 at 3:05 pm



    Feel tense tense in my shoulders.

    Think I am going to get my pole in from my car in a minute.

    Feeling very tired and like I need to love on me a lot.

  139.  #139Starla on February 14, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    aww now my vibe is all lack-y without the flowers i was awaiting. ah well 🙂

  140.  #140River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 3:06 pm


    Jilly, what’s showing up? I just checked my other profile and none of my activity on the Island showed.

  141.  #141Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Why would he ask me yday my street address and the spelling of my last name (lol) at midnight? To put me in his database??

  142.  #142Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm


    The flowers will arrive-) There’s no uncertainty about it, just timing. Your vibe should get more mysterious in anticipation

  143.  #143Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Girls, you think it was a bad idea to fwd the heart graph? I had to reply to his questions in the morning and felt doubtful about not saying happy Vday. But I didn’t say it.

  144.  #144FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    I think we have to go into our FB profile and set the subscription to S.I. to private/only me…?

  145.  #145Ella on February 14, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    I felt really uncomfortable when … kissed you this morning.

    I don’t want to share you with any woman.

    That feels terrible. And makes me feel like closing down.

    I know you are a good man who wants to be there for people so I feel kinda stuck on this.

    And I know I won’t ever accept being second best or sharing.

  146.  #146Brenda on February 14, 2012 at 3:21 pm


    RE: #144 – It will automatically be set on private.

  147.  #147Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Awww and now DjCD wishing me happy Valentine too! 🙂

  148.  #148Goodheart on February 14, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Jilly, so happy for you, I especially like “but most of all I love and truly cherish me” ~

    My bf played rugby in college. Aren’t they just the hunkiest? 🙂

    Like ever? (teehee, I feel like a school girl).

  149.  #149Starla on February 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    awww they came…flowers AND a teddy bear, AND chocolates awwww

  150.  #150FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    I knew that guy-i’m-with would cancel our date today. I’m getting used to this and I hate it.

    He called, as he does, every day. He threw in a ‘Happy Valentine’s day’ but I wasn’t feeling receptive. I felt sad and unimportant.

    I know this is coming up for me to heal. It just really hurts. (Not that today is SO special or that it’s a make-or-break situation at all…just another disappointment.)

    I know we’re not supposed to have “expectations”–but when someone makes plans with us and says, “See you tomorrow”—-is it so UNsireny to feel let down when that person calls and only lets you know they’re “too busy” to show up?

    He didn’t even say it—he just went on and on about what he was doing today and all he had to get done. Like it didn’t even matter. I didn’t say anything because I don’t want to have to “remind” or “talk someone into” spending time with me. If it wasn’t important to him, then what’s the point?

    I know he didn’t ‘forget’–he just had something better to do.

    I feel like I don’t matter (to him.) 🙁

    Tomorrow while I’m running errands, I’m going to go to the flower shop and buy myself some flowers to put on the dining room table. <3

  151.  #151Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Memulo 141 –

    Probably for flowers, no? Sorry if I’ve miss something. Just connected to the blog.

    And yes, both DjCD and ATW sent me Happy Vday 30 minutes difference between each text.

  152.  #152Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    I feel stupid about sending this heart graph. I didn’t even want to. But now that there’s no response from him it feels like it means something.

  153.  #153Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm


    Thanks for your hopeful thinking, but I didn’t get any flowers 🙂

  154.  #154FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Brenda…mine wasn’t. When I went to my FB page under privacy settings…it was marked public. I had to go there and change it.

  155.  #155lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    still finding myself trying to figure out if he did anything “wrong”…. hm. he said a couple of things that sounded Bad to me. but we talked about them. it’s ok. it doesn’t matter. it’s time for me to resume my nap in the back of this canoe : ) & when i wake up i’ll decide what i want : )))

  156.  #156Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:32 pm


    This feels really bad to hear that he let you know, specially if it’s not the first time.

    I guess we’re not the only sirens to not have a date tonight so we’ll be spamming the blog and pampering ourself, what do you think?

  157.  #157Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Oh FC I feel scared now about the privacy settign!! How do we change it ??

  158.  #158Ella on February 14, 2012 at 3:36 pm


    I think you could talk to him about this.

    And express your boundaries.

    I hate it whne they do that.

    It feels bad to me, And I would feel very unimportant to.

  159.  #159Ella on February 14, 2012 at 3:40 pm


    MWC is not coming online to talk to me tonight.

    I feel sulky.

    Even though we have been in contact all day, and have been with each other for the last few days.

    And he asked me to stay and I said no.

    Hmm, ok, maybe I don’t feel so sulky.

    I just want to express my stuff about his ex now.



    I will lean back and take care of me.

  160.  #160lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    at least i’m feeling very pretty. that is helpful for my vibe. but i notice that actually feeling Pretty feels a bit Weaker than feeling Ugly…. hm.

  161.  #161Ella on February 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Re he FB thing I imagine it would only show in the newsfeeds of those subscribed to it…

  162.  #162Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    The worst part is that before I sent it I didn’t expect anything and thought it’s ok because we just met recently. I felt happy and strong. But now it really feels like it means something that I didn’t even hear back.

  163.  #163lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    WOW i feel like crying. someone at work just came to me & apologized for interrupting me. & actually i had noticed & started feeling Poor Lk… like, i’ll never be able to get anything done if no one respects me… that is so so so sweet !!!! i said thank you & i feel really sweetened now awww (((lk))) (((humans)))

  164.  #164Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Yeah Ella that’s what I think too. But I just want to make sure. Might make a test with a girl friend that I trust. Will post something on the wall and ask her if she sees it.

  165.  #165lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    i’m so excited to wear my favorite dress ever out to dinner tonight : ))) i decided F it & i’m doing what i want…. purple lipstick, blue eyeshadow, & a cupcake dress with ice blue satin & sequin flower vines on the bodice & short layers of dark rose tulle on the skirt : )

  166.  #166Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Memulo –

    Remember it’s ok to lean forward sometimes, and if it’s the good one, it’s even less bad.

    And specially on Vday I guess, What do you think?

    Now just lean waayyyyyy back and go take care of yourself!

  167.  #167Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Woooow lk you must be soo cute. I can imagine you! 🙂

  168.  #168Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Thank you Flower Child, River Girl and Memulo….

    I hope so. They are exquisite. But, how do I thank him for something that wasn’t addressed to me? I don’t want to assume, and be wrong, make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe I’ll just wait and see what he says. I already sent him pics of the girls with the flowers and bears.

    Lizka…. that is awesome, and what an encouragement to keep running!

    My oldest is 11 and in 6th grade. At school, you could send flowers to friends, boyfriends/girlfriends… and she told me she’s glad she was sick and not at school today, because she would have felt bad not getting flowers. It starts so young, the disappointments on Valentine’s Day.

    Makes me extra happy that their dad takes the time to make them feel special.

  169.  #169lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    really, though. a couple of moments in there felt really bad to me. keep a hand on your heart & trust yourself, baby

  170.  #170Ella on February 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Feck am telling him on IM how I feel…

    Feels super super scary


  171.  #171Ella on February 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Can I hide instead??

    No, get your tre trunk Ella.

    Hell yeah… strong inside.

  172.  #172lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    what about it ? what are the Assumptions or the Negative Beliefs ? remember this, baby ? lol we did this for a long time : ) you’re a great girl & a wonder woman

    ok… i feel like he was an idiot in assessing the risks of that situation. both times !!! what the eff dude ? & i feel like he thinks i’m an ignorant white girl. that stings. i must believe that about myself a little bit. ouch. & he said i wasn’t interested in helping ? that felt bizarre as actually he had stopped me from helping ! i felt so angry when he wouldn’t cuddle me this morning. but that’s not really fair since he was asleep. i officially refuse to judge people for sleep-state behavior. plus, i officially declare that rubber-banding is Allowed in my relationship, to a gentle degree. i feel pxssed that he was all silly about valentine’s day, but he just didn’t really Get what i said the first time we talked about it…. ok, all of those things are permissible. the first one is the worst, but that is also so loaded with My Stuff, that i don’t even really know what is going on when i try to think about that.

  173.  #173Dominique on February 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Turquoise – Of course they are for you. Please don’t allow any thought otherwise. Gently push those gremlins away.


  174.  #174lk on February 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    negative beliefs

    he is selfish & conniving & he thinks women are cr8zy & he would cheat if he could get away with it & he thinks i’m lazy & he thinks My Way is nutty & he thinks he’s wayyy better than me

    aww (((lk))) i made myself cry : (

  175.  #175Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Ahhhhh I just got flower delivery!!!

  176.  #176Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:02 pm


    About your daughter…

    That’s so sad 🙁

    I remember hopping for Valentines every year too when I was young and never getting any. And than in high school, the fat guy from the football team brought me flowers IN my classroom in class of everyone.

    He was a cool guy, but so not sexy… I felt even more disappointed. Lol

    Just felt like sharing!

  177.  #177lk on February 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    seeing him mad…… felt a bit sweet. but i wish he hadn’t acted as if i was trying to bliss-block him ! Help & Friends – bah ! like i don’t want that for him. of course i do. sweet man. but for crying out loud ! still pxssed about it actually. oh well.. hmmmm…..

  178.  #178Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    MEMULOOOOO YAY!!!!!!!! Lucky you!!! 🙂

  179.  #179Brenda on February 14, 2012 at 4:06 pm


    Happy Valentine’s Day! When I read your post about the Valentine’s gifts, I think it was clear that the roses were for YOU! Maybe he’s just not ready yet to deepen the relationship. But it sounds like it’s definitely moving in the right direction.

    I appreciate your happy Valentine’s wishes to your body parts! Dominique posted this earlier on Siren Island:

    Go purchase plain FULL FAT yogurt. Slather it on generously, and leave it for at least ten minutes. It’s messy, so I suggest putting your hair up and out of the way, and put something under your head to catch the drips. Repeat daily if necessary. xxoo

    It’s actually a fallacy that oils are bad for the break out prone skin. It depends on the oils. The drops I make, for example, are oil based, and I have several oily, break out prone skinned women who swear by it. They were all hesitant at first, but now are sold. I have been an esthetician for over twenty years, making and using natural, herbal and essential oil based, organic products only. Some of you know well my herbal expertise, and this includes the skin. Too much dryness caused in part by eliminating oils, internally and externally for can exacerbate your problem. The yogurt masque is awesome for dry skin too. It soothes and heals as well hydrates. xxoo

    and hemp oil

    …and I posted this:

    Emma, my skin was never more clear than when I was eating almost nothing but fruits and vegetables. It cleansed me from the inside out. My skin was translucent, and I was using nothing on my face itself but Oil of Olay soap. Strangers would stop me on the street and ask me what my secret was to such clear skin! It was amazing!

    Fruits and vegetables are high in water content, so it cleanses you at the cell level. The skin is a major organ of elimination, so once all the gunk is out, the skin is clear. I learned all this from the boo, “Living Health”, by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond, and I highly recommend it.

  180.  #180Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Thank you Lizka.. and when I opened the package there was a chocolate box in there too!!

    And no card lol. Should I assume it’s from him?

  181.  #181Elle on February 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm


    You have grown so much during the last year and the thing about it is, you have become more beautiful because of it. You have been doing a wonderful job of being real, and honest and authentic and vulnerable and I see it in how you speak and how you move and how you interact with people. Your heart is healing now and you are a beautiful Valentine…not just today but every day.

    Deepest Love and gratitude for all that you are and all that you are becoming.

    Happy Valentine’s Day,

    Love Elle

  182.  #182Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Oh Memulo that’s tricky!!!

  183.  #183FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Ella…if it were me, I would want to do it in person so I could see him. You are already having a problem with trust and so many things can be misunderstood when we text and email and IM.

    I would want to see his face when I say how I feel and be able to see his body language while we are discussing it. Just my two-cents. <3

  184.  #184lk on February 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    i couldn’t stop crying yesterday & it felt embarrassing… but there are just days like that !

  185.  #185Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Wow instructions on the package say: one dozen red roses to be delivered by 4pm. It’s 7pm now..

  186.  #186Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    I have to admit that I feel a little bit jealous of all the sirens who got flowers and chocolate and teddy bears and dinners and and and…

    But when I think of it, my two CDs have think of me and isn’t it the equal of receiving a gift? They maybe just don’t feel ready to say out loud they’re into me with flowers and chocolate…

    Yes I am happy that they both send a text. They thought of me, that’s the most important.

    Besides that, both my parents sent me a text (and my mom sent me virtual pink roses) and my best friend wrote on my FB wall.

    Ok I think I feel happy with that.

    Now it’s time for my date with myself!!!

  187.  #187Starla on February 14, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    jeeez so young to be getting flowers. wtf?

  188.  #188Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Memulo – they must be suuuper busy today!!

  189.  #189Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Should I say thank you, they are beautiful and feel so romantic?

  190.  #190Starla on February 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    awww memulo, flowers!!!!!!! <3

  191.  #191Starla on February 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Memulo, the card is probably in an invoicey looking envelope taped to the inside of the box somewhere

  192.  #192Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Starla, thank you, believe me there is an invoice and absolutely no card at all:)

  193.  #193Sassy on February 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    FC@114, are you sure we aren’t sisters from another mister? Lol! You and I appear to have alot of the same beliefs, interests and things in common.
    As for your post in 150, it’s absolutely ok to feel let down. Especially if it’s an ongoing theme. I feel sad for you, but believe that you live yourself and know that we all love you!
    You know where I am if you wish to discuss further.

  194.  #194Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Ok, they are most probably from him;) I’ll just say thank you

  195.  #195Ella on February 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm


    Thanks. And it is done now.

    I trust him.

    It is not a big deal this time… just one of those things I wanted to catch and bring up as soon as possible.

    Usually yes in person stuff feels good.

    And sometimes it is more about dealing with it quickly.

    I feel very tired out of full on intense stuff over the past few days.

    In some ways IM has felt best for this right now.

    I feel good that it is now dealt with.

    There was not really a question this time, from me… it was more sharing how I feel and expressing a boundary.

    A boundary I am very firm on.


  196.  #196Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Starla, I know… I’m tempted to buy her a box of candy and leave it in the mailbox…. just so she doesn’t feel left out.

  197.  #197Sassy on February 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    193-“love yourself”

  198.  #198Ella on February 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Flowerchild I just friend requested you on FB.

    And I’m loving seeing all the other Sirens pics on there.

    You ladies are SOOOO hot!

    Seriously, Sirens are way good looking and cute!


  199.  #199Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Should I say happy vday in return?

  200.  #200Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Ella you are super sexy and pretty too! 🙂

  201.  #201Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Memulo I would send a text saying “that feels so romantic” so IN CASE they are not from him, he will ask “what’s that? And you can say “this day feels romantic. I feel romanced”

    But Im sure they are from him!!

  202.  #202Dominique on February 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Just a little reminder. I felt let down until I let go of expectations. And then I ended up getting more than I wanted in the first place.


  203.  #203FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I just confirmed your request! 🙂

  204.  #204FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Dominique…is it still considered “expectations” when someone makes plans with you—-that they show up?

    I’m all for taking responsibility for my own feelings, but….

  205.  #205Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Omg a second before i hit send I got a txt from him saying: Hello?

    I feel bad, like I didn’t even thank him

  206.  #206Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Girls – everyone who’s feeling a bit down today – just wanted to share that you never know what’s in your future. Last year I got stood up for Vday dinner lol

  207.  #207Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Well… if they were for me… he’s not even saying it on the phone. He called and I told him how much the girls loved their presents and how beautiful the flowers were… and he said, good, I’m glad they liked them.

    Oh well…. I’m enjoying them too. He wanted to know how we are all feeling, was sweet on the phone, he still feels awful, but plans to go to work tomorrow. He just talked to our youngest, oldest is in the tub, so we’ll call him back. Maybe he’ll have more to share. I don’t know.

  208.  #208Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    I tried to find the siren page, but no luck.

  209.  #209Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I texted the photo of the flowers and chocolates too;)

  210.  #210Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Lizka’s receipe for a perfect Valentine’s Day with myself

    5 oz of taking an appointment at the hairdresser during lunch time for this weekend

    A pinch of endorphins that you obtain with 6 km of running

    2 cups of a healthy leak soup home made by mom

    1 cup of warm shower and face exfoliating

    2 tablespoons of Dr Hauska’s face steambath in 2 cups of hot water

    *Leave a purifying mask for 10 minutes, than remove*

    4 spoons of reading in bed and cuddle my dog

    10 minutes of breathing exercise

    8 hours of beauty sleep in the fresh sheets.


  211.  #211River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Does anyone else miss the old days when Valentine’s Day was about secret admirers? I miss that. Seems to be so much expectation now and it’s no wonder that men get put off by it and women feel so neglected if they don’t get the attention they are expecting or craving. I think men feel much more masculine when their romantic gestures are their own idea not some kind of cultural obligation. I feel better when a man is being romantic just because he loves me and wants to show it.

    I do think it’s sweet though when men are really comfortable with Valentine’s Day and can be unashamedly romantic with the lovers, partners and wives. Hopefully they have all that in one woman, not one of each!

  212.  #212Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Turquoise you can’t find it since it’s secret. You have to ask a girl here to invite you. Are you friend with anyone? If not, email me your name at and I will add you then invite you on the page.

  213.  #213Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Thanks Brenda, for sharing. I’ll try the yogurt.

  214.  #214River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Here is the link to the Island

  215.  #215River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Here is the link to the Island

  216.  #216Ella on February 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm


    I like the sounds of your Valentine to yourself.


  217.  #217Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Maybe I should call too??

  218.  #218Ella on February 14, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Flowerchild re 204

    I think it is different.

    Because the other person is the one who has set up the expectations, of thier own free will.

    They have made an agreement with you and scheduled some of your prescious time.

    This issue is triggering to me and if it were me I know I would want to comminucate my boundaries about this.


  219.  #219Ella on February 14, 2012 at 5:08 pm


    Thank you.

    And ditto!


  220.  #220River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Sorry Turquoise, the link seems to have expired. You will need to find through lizka or email me on

  221.  #221Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Oh now I feel like I’m cold and formal.. This is what I wrote (with the photo):

    Thank you:) What a wonderful surprise.. they are beautiful and feel so romantic. My whole living room smells like roses.. Happy Vday;)

  222.  #222Ella on February 14, 2012 at 5:16 pm


    That feels perfectly warm and Sireny to me.


  223.  #223Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Thank you Ella 🙂

  224.  #224Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    True Memulo. I love your message. 🙂

  225.  #225Memulo on February 14, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Thank you Lizka, I still hope he doesn’t find it to be too distant. I would have called if it weren’t his night with the boy. I just felt that I didn’t want to interrupt.

  226.  #226FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    That is a huge issue with me. This whole relationship has been one of compromise vs appreciation. There are so many things I truly value in him and then, there’s stuff like this that makes me want to throw in the towel.

    It’s hard to just give up as he has asked me to marry him. I don’t feel free to CD other men (I CD myself all the time) and yet it may be the only thing that would make me feel better. He would NOT be ok with that. And I can’t even use the no/gf speech cuz I have a ring! :-/

    Since it’s not a new relationship, I know that “talking about this” is not the answer with him. He is not romantic, and does not value time alone with me. He is not going to change. It is I who have to decide if the stuff I whine about is worth leaving him over.

    I feel good when I’m around him. I know he loves me (to the best of his ability) and when I’m not around him I feel confident that he does love me and that there is no one else (no other woman.)

    But—–sometimes I really want to be Number One—not at the bottom of the list after his work (that, I understand, of course) and his hobbies/passions (restoring antique motors and motorcycles) and other stuff. He’s always ‘busy’ and he enjoys his life. Who am I to tell him he’s wrong?

    If I dare bring anything up about time spent, etc. he gets mad and it would all come down to the fact that *I* was the one who left and that *I* am the one choosing not to move back there with him, right now. (But even when we did live together, getting alone time with him was always a challenge and I hated it.)

    I need a lot of “alone time” to feel normal and function at my best…so in some ways he is a good match for me. I do get terribly lonely, though. And he’s ok with having sex once a month or 6 weeks or two months… It’s aggravating. I’d think he was mad at me or something, but we never did have matching libidos except in the very beginning when he couldn’t keep his hands off me. Sigh….

  227.  #227Ella on February 14, 2012 at 5:47 pm


    I am feeling really tired and need to go to bed.

    And I jus briefly caught some of your post and you say you have a ring.


    And do you have the commitment you want?

    Night night for now.

  228.  #228Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    It’s great Memulo!

    If he’s with his friends and you know it, you have a better reason to leave him space!

    The message was super warm, says how happy and melty you are feeling and that you respect his times with the boys!


  229.  #229kayla on February 14, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Woww I feel soo confused and am starting to feel really ticked off!!! WHY ISN’T THIS STUFF WORKING FOR ME????????? Ugh I feel like screaming and yelling and punching something!! I just don’t understand.. I lean back, and barely or LITTLE men lean fwd and when they do a lot of the time they act like complete jackasses! Or I lean forward, and this does get me a lot of the attention from males.. But I do not feel satisfied, I don’t understand why it is so hard for men to act like men towards me and treat me like a lady, and initiate contact with me… Do they not even think about me? Do they not feel attracted to me? Or are they just being stubborn and don’t feel like getting ahold of me first because they are playing games??? I don’t understand what is so hard about a man just texting me and saying hey? How are you? or.. Hey, I would like to spend some time with you soon.. Almost NEVER happens for me.. I have to finish this in another post so please bare with me..

  230.  #230Liz on February 14, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Hi Ella,
    I just got back from teaching and your posts really struck me and I am so glad that you received clarity about your guy…..wishing you the best as you navigate your trust issues….big hugs….


  231.  #231Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Liiiiiiiiz!! Haven’t see you in so long!! Happy Valentine’s Hun!!!

  232.  #232kayla on February 14, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    I feel objectified, disrespected, and unimportant to so many men.. For example, I was at a party the other night and this man looks at me, and in front of everyone he says “Hey come here sexy.” I just looked at him and sat there.. And then a couple minutes later in front of everyone he said “So Kayla, are you going to let me hit it tonight?” I got angry and said no.. I didn’t use feeling messages, because I didn’t know what to say to that.. But then he came and sat by me and put his hand on my butt.. He asked me to dance, I said that I felt objectified and disrespected, he started laughing and said you feel objectified when I ask you to dance? I said no, when a man who I barely know and am not in a relationship with touches me like that.. He started laughing again and in front of everyone he said you wanna see objectified girl I’ll eat your p***y for days!! Everyone started laughing!! I don’t understand why I am being treated like a piece of meat by so many men, I have to finish this in another post..

  233.  #233Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Kayla –

    I think the same thing sometimes. I use to lean forward like crazy and I was getting tones of attention from men. But it never last. It was artificial.

    Now I lean back and I get less attention. But I tell myself it’s more quality attention. 🙂

    I feel the same was sometimes, that men can’t seems to want to treat me like a goddess, but than I tell myself I am still learning and I do baby steps, so does men. One day, I’ll be there, just like you will.

    🙂 Happy Valentine Kayla!! xoxo

  234.  #234June on February 14, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I can really relate to the “being so nice and patient” person. I was always afraid that if I mentioned how I felt, that I would rock the boat and appear too needy. And especially if the relationship didn’t work out, it would be my fault. Well, I think in many of those times, it was. They used me for a sounding board only – EXCEPT the ones that I was NOT interested in. We all know who they were. I was left, if it even started, was because they were all talked out and were, I think, bored with me. I did not require enough of them and appeared needy, which I was in retrospect. They “left” because they didn’t even know who they were “leaving!” due to the fact that I was just there for them and waited too long for the bonding that never took place! When it was “safe” to give of myself as a feeling human being. I was nothing more than a trusted “maiden aunt” to them. “A nice person” whom they hoped would find someone some day because I deserved it – not for them! What a bunch of Crap!! Ever see the movie “Good Luck Chuck!?” It gets worse. EVERY AND I MEAN EVERY guy that I dated that I was into, MARRIED the very next woman!! – after me…..That is a fact!! Thank you Thank you Thank you, Rori for giving me the courage to show my feelings at the proper time AND the proper way.

  235.  #235kayla on February 14, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Why can’t men be gentle and sweet and understanding with me and try to pursue me??? I feel like just because I am young and so are the men that I feel attracted to, they have an excuse to act like complete jerks! Because they are young and want to try to be cool.. I feel soo misunderstood and forgotten about by every man and disrespected and objectified.. I try to love myself.. But I do not feel important or cared for.. I feel hurt and lost and hopeless.. I really hope you ladies can convince me that leaning back works, because with all of the men that I feel attracted to, it feels like if you don’t try hard for them.. They won’t try for you at all!! I want to feel convinced and confident again.. Because everyday I have this huge urge to lean forward, and today I did.. I leaned forward and sent a text message to almost every man in my contacts saying happy valentines day 🙂 I have been getting more attention and a lot of these men even asked me out on dates after I sent this text.. But I don’t feel satisfied

  236.  #236Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Oh Kayla I feel horrified by your story in 232. I think it’s so disrespectful of a man to grab a lady’s butt omg.

    I feel so sorry for you. I know how you feel girl. 🙁

  237.  #237June on February 14, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I am sorry….there is a lot to moderate….

  238.  #238kayla on February 14, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Or important enough for a man to just text me and see how I am doing.. Or to ask me out on a date.. I feel so lonely 🙁 I feel like crying all the time.. I feel mad a lot because I feel so on edge and soo eager to lean forward but I know deep down inside that I don’t want to! I feel hurt.. I feel like I need help and a lot of it.. Am I really that unimportant to men? I am important to myself I take care of myself.. I get what I have to do done.. I pamper myself a lot.. And still I don’t feel happy.. I feel just confused about where my life is going when it comes to love and relationships..

  239.  #239LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Ohhh myyyy,


    D just called.

    I have his USB key containing all his most precious pix.
    He wants it back.
    He wanted to talk about things.
    He says he doesn’t understand what happened…blah blah blah
    All the lame excuses I’ve heard other jerks use on other women before…I never thought I’d here them aimed at me.

    I know why he’s sorry: He didn’t get her phone number before she left…so he’s aaaallll aloooone.

    I told him that I hadn’t forgiven him way before he slept w another woman.
    I didn’t forgive his vacation w the lady neighbour.
    I said “Now she’s friends w the vacation gang and she said she was going back next year.
    She wanted my spot, and you gave it to her more than once. Thaaaat’s what I didn’t forgive. I’m guessing you hooked up w the new woman to move on from me bc you were tired of me beating you on the head w the neighbourlady stuff.”

    I’m not inspired to use FMs with him.

    I see him as an 18 year old dude using all the lame excuses a 17 year old girl would believe.
    I grew up and I finally feel like an adult woman, so I ain’t buying it!
    I was miserable with him!
    It only took me 2 weeks to be happy without him!

    I got ME back and I’m keeping ME.

    Sorry dude, I fell in love with somebody else…and that’s ME.

    Today on Valentines Day, I LOVE ME !!!

  240.  #240Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Well, we called him back and since I couldn’t give a feeling message about the roses, since he didn’t actually say they were for me…. I gave an even better one. (in my opinion)

    First I wished him a Happy Valentine’s Day and he said it back. Then I told how much I love that he takes the time and effort to ensure the girls feel loved and special, not only on the holidays, but often. I also said that I feel it will stay with them throughout their lives, and will mean more to them when they look back on it as they grow older. I then ended with it means so much to me that you try so hard to be a good father.

    I think he was taken aback, as his response was a heartfelt thank you. Truthfully, whether we have another chance or not, what is most important to me is his relationship with the girls. I don’t know that since he’s a guy… he always knows how much this girly stuff really means to us/them. He then spoke to our oldest, teasing her that he gets to be her Valentine for a long time since she’s not allowed to date. It’s nice to hear them joking… of course her response was an exasperated, “Daaaaddddd!” But she thanked him for the presents and he was happy.

    I’m curious to see how this weekend goes, if he still comes up after missing work for 2 days. My not having expectations has worked extremely well for me… so I’m sticking with that. I really enjoy being surprised.

  241.  #241LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    …aaaannd I’m starting to warm up to a new man….aaaand I get to meet my friend’s single brother Saturday…..aaaaand I get to consider my other friend’s single brother….aaaaand I get to go out and meet other single men….aaaaaad I could always go dating online if they don’t workout….aaaaand looks like the man to who I was 2nd is now…..50th on myyyy list :p

  242.  #242Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    I made a new email address just for here and a new facebook page to match. Sorry, with what happened last summer, I just can’t take any chances of my life here, matching up with personal life. I’ll add some photos too… just can’t do it from this computer. If anyone wants to email me directly, you can find me at I made the facebook with the same email, and my name on there is turquouise siren. Lizka can you add me that way?

  243.  #243Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    I mean turquoise siren… would help if I could spell tonight!

  244.  #244FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Lilibee…you sound fantastic! You are really an inspiration. I’m happy for you <3

    Turquoise…I think you are so wise…and so lucky. I'm really sure the roses are for you. 😉

  245.  #245Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Lili woooooow!! I feel so proud of you and so impressed that you turned the page so quickly! How fantastic!! 🙂

  246.  #246~ Violet ~ on February 14, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    I’m feeling so sad. I told this man I’d been seeing that I didn’t feel like having the flowers he had gotten me.

    I told him from the ‘get go’ that I wasn’t promising anything. He understood that.

    He says he’s confused now because of my responses. I just feel like I don’t have energy for a ‘relationship’. I wanted to back things down to a friendship, but that’s not what he wants.

    Thing about it… He’s been separated for two years and is just getting his divorce finalized. I don’t want to be a rebound relationship.

    We got intimate too fast in my way of thinking. Then, I didn’t hear from him the next day. That made me feel like it wasn’t special (to him).

    I feel bad that he’s confused. He’s told me that he has gone on a date with another lady. That is what I thought he should be doing.

    What I didn’t understand is why he would be confused about where we stand if he’s going out on other dates!?

    I didn’t want to have a relationship that would be ‘defined’. All I wanted was to get out of my four walls, go out and have fun, and not have to think about anything.

    I don’t expect to hear from him. I certainly don’t feel like talking to him, or any other man for that matter. I really feel like I don’t care. Period.

    This is the way I feel right now. It’s like I could care less about dating.

    Anyway… Thanks for reading. You all have a nice Valentine’s Day.

    ~ Violet ~

  247.  #247LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    ((Lizka)), ((Kayla)),

    The time has come for your alone time needed to learn to love YOU…remember F.L.Y.? First Love Yourself…and the leaning forward urge then fades away.
    I believe that FLY will attract the right and serious man.
    Leaning forward makes us too easy for them to take advantage of us.
    I leaned forward plenty w D this past year, and I only ended up feeling used. I came in 2nd to any other woman who gave him attention.
    I felt like a toy only good for 1 thing, and he just felt free to treat me any way he felt like and just come back when he has no one else and nothing else to do.

    So plllease do not lean forward.
    It was impossible for me to lean back,,,and it cost me my self respect and my self love.
    I felt like a fool, bc he was always testing me to see if I really loved him. That was my excuse for leaning forward.
    But at the end of the day, he didn’t respect me for it.
    Men never seem to respect a woman who makes it easy for them by leaning forward.

    I’m saying this seemingly sooo convinced like I have the absolute knowledge…but I feel so scared of falling off the wagon. I still get the urge to lean forward.
    So I am actually trying to convince myself too here.

  248.  #248Butterfly wings on February 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Oh go you Lilibee! I’m loving your attitude right now! Love it love it!

    Keep us updated about D. And yeah I’m sure I’d never be able to forgive about the neighbor thing either!!


  249.  #249Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Turquoise I search for you on FB but didn’t find you. Just sent you an email with my name so you can find me! 🙂

  250.  #250Lizka on February 14, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    I’m off to bed Turquoise, I will accept your friendship request tomorrow darling.

    I feel so relax after my home spa treatment and my 6 km run I just want to do my breathing exercise and have my beauty sleep.

    One more time: HAPPY VDAY EVERYONE! Mine was fantastic after all… and 80% because of myself. Yay!!

  251.  #251LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Thanks FC, Thanks Lizka!

    I’m actually trying to reinforce my strength here.

    These last 2 years have been a long hard journey to Myself, I can’t go backwards now.

    When D comes back, he always comes back with guns blazing.
    I could protect myself by not taking his calls.
    I want to continue this amazing growth and keep strengthening…strong on the inside and soft on the outside.

  252.  #252Liz on February 14, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Hi everybody,
    I was teaching tonight and I took time to put on makeup and my hair and wore a red sweater and one of my students asked me if I had a hot date tonight for valentines….I said no, I have a hot date with myself….i felt so thrown by her question that it took my a full minute to remember what I was lecturing about, proteins…
    I feel tons better this year about being single on valnetines’ day…..i i feel really lovable today.
    Although i have lost touch with all the plethora of CD’s I had last week, most have vaporized….
    but left me with good understandings….
    well, good night all

  253.  #253Liz on February 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    I would love to do the facebook thing too, but i am not too tech savvy and want to keep things separate for sure….
    i would love it if someone friended me and it would feel so exciting to see faces and lives along with the names of the sirens…

  254.  #254Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    I can’t find Lizka or Flowerchild on FB, who both emailed me. I know Lizka is in Canada. Could that be why?

  255.  #255Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Liz, I made a separate one. I post so much personal information here… I’d die if my ex or a friend discovered all my deepest thoughts/wants, etc. here, and I wouldn’t even know it.

    I just made a gmail account and a new facebook page with that email. I didn’t add a location, and my profile picture won’t be a pic of me… so will be totally private, yet I can share with my friends here, what I want of my personal life. I feel excited. 🙂

  256.  #256LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    When I came here last June, and read Rori’s book, I was so skeptical about cd’ing.
    Now, I really get it!
    I had even told D that if he was going to keep his door open to other women like he was, then I was going to be open to other men.
    I even told him that I turned away alot of men’s attention for him, and I was no longer going to do that.

    Well, I started cd’ing by simply being open and inviting to men who showed up.
    And low and behold, one of those men is getting rrreallly interesting and he’s impressing me bit by bit…and I still have 2 other options aside from him (no, D is not 1 of them).

    I work w this interesting man, I call him W.
    He’s been spending more time getting to know me on a personal level.
    He had been telling me about his online dating since 3 months ago.
    He told me 1 1/2 months ago that he quit the dating site bc he feels the need to learn how to be alone.
    This to me is a sign of man who knows where he is even when he’s lost.
    (D is not only lost, he doesn’t know where he is).

    W has been doing all the outdoorsy stuff I love to do…which I don’t bc I don’t feel safe as a woman in the woods alone.

    Since he’s been learning to be alone, he’s looking so light and smiley.
    He’s got a more confident vibe since then.

    He said that he wants to be with someone he can talk with.
    So he’s been coming around to talk.

    I love getting to know him bc there is absolutely no pressure.
    He’s not doing the whole seduction and charming routine.
    We’re not dating, we’re just talking…and I’m enjoying it.

    He says he feels like he’s on another planet bc all the women he met have been cheated on.
    He feels like he’s not “in” for not cheating, that the cheaters seem to get all the women.

    I told him my story : “You know what? D criticized me for having him wait so long to sleep w him. He just slept with another woman on the 1st night they met. She was awaken by me, laying in my residues of the previous night. That reinforced my values. I would have felt cheap in that woman’s shoes. I’m glad I keep men waiting and don’t wake up like her. I used to feel doubtful about my values, well I don’t anymore. I have values and that’s OK, coz I feel good about myself with them. Him cheating on me was a good thing bc now I feel stronger bc of my values and I love myself more w my values.”

    (the event w D also made me see how little I thought of myself, but I didn’t tell W cd that)

    W locked eye contact, and this time I did not look away!

    He popped in this morning to say hello and gave me a warm gushy smile, and my heart felt all tingly.

    My heart felt tingly w a man I was never attracted to in the few years I’ve know him.
    He’s looking more and more attractive.

    And I finally feel comfortable talking with MATURE men.
    I realize that I was always attracted to immature men, bc I was immature and it made me feel “superior” to lift my self-esteem.
    It worked in the very short term, but in the longrun my self-esteem plumetted to rock bottom.
    It was the wrong way to lift my self-esteem, so it always backfired and I ended up having lower self-esteem in the longrun.

    And MATURE men can be FUN too. W makes me giggle.
    He has made friends and a social circle on his outdoor activities.
    He’s discovered his outgoing fun side, and now he wants me to call him when I go out dancing in his neighbourhood.

    That’s where I’m going Saturday, but he’s not available. Fffiewww, I have another cd there anyway (my friend’s single brother is coming with us) 🙂

  257.  #257LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 7:38 pm


    Hi Turquoise,

    I wasn’t able to find Lizka either through search, and I live in her neighbourhood.
    Look in another siren’s friend and you can send her a friend request from there.
    FlowerChild also.

  258.  #258River Girl on February 14, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Hi Liz,
    Would love to friend you : )
    I have a siren email that you can reach me on.

    Turq, I just emailed you.

  259.  #259LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Sirens, Comment 254 is awaiting moderation.

    Sorry, it will throw your references out of wack.

  260.  #260LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Thanks Butterfly Wings! xox

  261.  #261Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 7:48 pm!/profile.php?id=100003576462868

    Can anyone find me this way???? Ugh, this is frustrating. My privacy settings aren’t set high, just posts are friends only.

  262.  #262Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    hi Sirens!

    I had a wonderful date tonight with M. Just came back home. We went to a movie and diner.

    I got a Pandora bead with hearts for my Pandora bracelet! First time he buys me jewelry, so exciting!

  263.  #263blue rose on February 14, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    i got angry at the guy i’m crazy about. and i honestly think he likes me more.


  264.  #264LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 8:04 pm


    Hi Turquoise, Hi Liz,

    We all agreed that we were not going to mention anything about Rori or this blog, or any siren stuff on FB…if that can help you feel safer.

  265.  #265LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm


    Wow! Things sure shifted for you tonight Angel Siren. 🙂

  266.  #266FlowerChild77 on February 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Lilybee, I don’t think we are “friends” yet on FB. If you want to e-mail me at I’ll send you a friend request 🙂

    Turquoise, I found you.

    Lizka…? I’m not sure how to find you.

  267.  #267Starbright on February 14, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Thanks to Zara for posting this on the previous thread:

    744: Zara says:

    The movie “Duty dating”

  268.  #268Starbright on February 14, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    I watched the movie “Duty Dating” from 1999 and there are many things in alignment to Rori such as the five second smile, dating three men, etc.

  269.  #269Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    LiliBee, I just read your post on leanning forward from earlier. And I have to admit I was way too leaning forward tonight, but it was Valentine’s and it felt good. I was leaning in at the movies, but he was holding my hand or my knee, so it was more like melting a little, but a little leaning forward too towards him.

    He paid again for both the movie and diner. That felt nice. It’s like he’s picking up on it as we always use to share the costs. Also, he gave me an FM or 2, can’t remember exactly what they were (a little tired).

    We will see what happens next. I did manage to load up on FMs. Then we went to his place just for a few minutes and he gace me my present (was supposed to be this weekend) but the bag was in the entryway and he said that it’s not a surprise anymore, so to open it.

    I felt bad because I didn’t have his present with me. I know we are not supposed too, but I know he expects one.

  270.  #270Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Flowerchild77, Lizka is in my FB friends, wearing a bikini sitting next to a pool.

  271.  #271Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Ok, my page is up and working… 🙂 Yeah! SLV, if you join you can see my pink heels!

    I need to get to bed soon, but will add more to my page eventually.


  272.  #272Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    LiliBee @ 237 ((((LILIBEE))))

    I am not sure what to think… you had a lot of strength. But why not practice FM’s on D? Were you feeling mad?
    Expecially if you don’t care about the outcome, you can really practice FMs! I know it’s hard, but you are such a Siren now!

  273.  #273Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    Kayla @232 ((((KAYLA)))) That must have felt awful! remember you can always leave the room, that is what I would have done after telling the j%rk that it feels humiliating. Although, with the stress under these circumstances, I really don’t know what I would have done.

  274.  #274Siren Angel on February 14, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    I think M is REALLY trying to make this work. I just don’t knwo what to think about the match profile… it still feels bad. He is stepping up… but why not take it down already?!

  275.  #275Tenny on February 14, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Happy valentine’s day sirens.

    Had a peaceful and sweet day.

    So many guys remembered me and sent me sweet wishes.

    It felt nice to accept it all graciously without expectation.

    I end this lovely day accepting what I feel for cd song deep inside. I’m vulnerable and it’s okay as long as I stay in touch with my feelings. I’ve failed at love sooooooo many times that I feel scared when i feel close to a guy. I’m triggered all the time.

    But I’ve been using my tools, and I’m leaning back, and for the first time it was apparent he feels safe! We shared a moment. I felt vulnerable but then it was okay because I was surprised.

    I still don’t know what to do other than feel, but I’m using my tools and not leaning forward and if love is what’s happening, I’ll just be vulnerable.


  276.  #276LiliBee on February 14, 2012 at 9:13 pm


    Thanks for your suggestion Siren Angel.

    My FMs to him tonight were:
    I felt angry for too long.
    I felt like 2nd best for too long.

    We got interupted by neighbourguy at his door.
    He asked if he could call me later.
    I said “no, I feel tired, I’ll be going to bed by the time your convo is finished w neighbourguy.”

    He still wants his USB key back.

    If I feel strong enough in my selfworth and my boundaries…maybe I’ll practice FMs w him.
    Only if my selflove and selfesteem are strong enough.

  277.  #277siren song on February 14, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Hey sirens!

    I had a fabulous night with a cd I was losing interest in…with wine, homemade italian food (he made it, of course) and chocolate. He taught me how to two step.

    I feel like a million dollars. I am surprised at how well he stepped up.

    Happy valentines day! XO

  278.  #278Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    Lillibee… wow, just read your posts. Good for you, to feel so strong! I’ very imoressed…

    Siren Angel, see, all that worry for nothing. So glad you had a good time 🙂

  279.  #279Turquoise on February 14, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Oh geez Lillibee…. that should say I’m so impressed! Time for bed, I’m too tired to type 🙂

  280.  #280Tiffany on February 14, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Aw…I feel so great reading through all these posts. Even though I’ve barely got through any of them.

    I was kind of taking a “me day” today. I did some work. But mostly I was taking care of me – going to the gym. going to the chiropractor. Resting. Cuddling with my kitty.

    The man who I spent Saturday with asked me to dinner for Valentine’s, but then it didn’t work out, because he had a late meeting at work. It was all fine, since I didn’t really want to have to go meet him anyway. It was too far. lol. And then I felt good about having a relaxing evening to myself.

    But in the end, I just felt (feel) LONELY. Really darn lonely, and darnit, I don’t WANT to feel lonely. But in the interest of accepting and loving what is, I FEEL LONELY. And I LOVE my lonely feelings – because they tell me that I really want to be with someone great. With someone who loves me as much as I do – and no less!

    But I did get some great gifts today. Well – there was my little plush sperm and egg pair that I got myself last week. I am still enjoying them! And there was the “I’m proud of you” comment from yesterday. That felt great. I got an email from K this morning, wishing me a happy valentine’s day. (I took all day to write back, but in the end, I just said “thanks, you too.” didn’t make any mention of the fact that he never called…lol).

    H makes me mad as Heck. I can’t explain it. I will never understand the man. I don’t know what he’s about. But he scares me. And I always feel uncomfortable and “off” with him. I guess that’s a gift in itself. That I can recognize that. But it still feels strange. Like a bee sting – talking with him just hurts and itches, but there’s not much I can do about it. (except not talk, but I still feel it…)

    And my new Canada CD called me tonight! Wow, that was a surprise! I missed the call, because I was already talking to someone, but then he left a message. He actually called from Asia, where he’s staying with his parents. and it took me a while to figure out who it was. All I knew at first, when I listened to the message was that his voice sounded really nice. Wow! A nice guy! I can hardly believe it! lol

    So, I got a lot of gifts: nice comments. Nice emails. Some texts. A phone call. Awareness….

    I feel lonely. And it’s overwhelming sometimes. But I don’t want to kid myself that I “like” this day, or that I’m okay with the loneliness or that I’m not lonely, when I am. Yeah, it’s okay and good to take care of yourself. But at the end of the day, it’s definitely “Single Awareness Day” – literally at the end of the day. And I think there’s a difference. You can be aware all the time that you are single. But it becomes all the more apparent when there’s a day to celebrate love and partnership – and you don’t have that.

    But I feel better after coming to read the blog. It *is* a happy valentine’s day. My kitty is my valentine. She <3's me. And i love my kitty. xoxo

  281.  #281Daria on February 15, 2012 at 12:23 am

    Lilibee – the “too long” seems to take the feeling message out the moment of FEELING it and turn it into a judgement…

  282.  #282Daria on February 15, 2012 at 12:24 am

    and it comes off blamy… not inviting connection

    how do you feel… in the moment? thinking those things – (the too longs)

    angry? sad? hopeless?

  283.  #283Daria on February 15, 2012 at 12:25 am

    try that: “I still feel so angry” . STOP.

  284.  #284Daria on February 15, 2012 at 12:29 am

    Kayla – i think the issue is your man picker is off

    you are – not your fault , due to past patterns – attracted to men who WON”T do those things

    start Circular Dating men you are NOT attracted to. That is the way to shift the pattern

    and no you won’t get trapped with a boring guy… you’ll start getting better results with the ones you like too

  285.  #285Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:03 am

    Lizka – whoa i have the opposite understanding about leaning foraward

    like its not really ok (as far as how it feels) to lean forward… and ESpeccially with one you like…

    and i think ESPECIALLY on valentines’ which is about romance (ie man being man role and woman being feminine)

  286.  #286Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:04 am

    omg Turqoise the roses are for you hehe

    i feel amused that yu don’t want to assume they are for you like they can be for someone else hahaha wow nv’s

  287.  #287Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:05 am

    i knew Memulo was getting flowers when i read about the address last name thing/!!!! 😀

  288.  #288Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:08 am

    wow i feel really guilty and judgmental and angry at myself for laughing at Turqoise’s nv influenced perspective

    i felt like i was making fun of her … i dont want to do that

    sorry Turqoise

  289.  #289Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:31 am

    feeling so lovely… my mom cut my hair… 🙂

    its all about my body… good feelings

    i want to feel like MOVING and stretching and chi gong and dancing even when im alone

    i like that i feel like doing it around people 🙂

  290.  #290Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:42 am

    soooo excited

    i got piny for Wiz Khalifa (who i had sex with Sunday!!! … the one i didn’t feel satisfied with)

    i was like omg!

    and he hadn’t called me


    well late afternoon i get a text from him happy Vday…

    and im like WHEEE!!!

    so i said thank you

    then hes like wyd

    and i didnt answer cuz i didnt answer andy of my other texters who asked that

    then was gonig to then didnt

    and now he’s writing me on the site we met…

    wyd sexy i already miss you!



    i was thinkoing he wouldnt’ couldnt step up haha

    im feeling smily

  291.  #291Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:45 am

    i feel curous and amused what the Goddess is up to as my phone won’t connect me to voicemail… and maybe its not receivnig texts or calls either!!!

    i wonder what thats all about… hehe 🙂

  292.  #292Daria on February 15, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Wiz Kalifa cd has “eyes lips” posted as his best features but i wouldn’t have thought!

    i would say, penis and personality… lol

  293.  #293Daria on February 15, 2012 at 2:00 am

    grrr but now he’s not re-sponding lol

  294.  #294Aurora Girl on February 15, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Good morning Sirens

    I”m feeling kinda reflective on the blog this morning…..unusual for me and a change from my “cheer others on” feel……lol….maybe because it’s been such a challenging couple of weeks…..

    I’ve read through this post…the comments.

    I am feeling that as my relationship deepens I don’t want to post about it….maybe because I like my privacy and I start to feel like it’s private and I don’t want to broadcast about it here….

    Some of the tools are good….but I am finding some of them don’t work for me…..trying to find the right balance between leaning back and leaning forward……the leaning back has caused some problems…..once the relationship is off the ground I think that tool has to be adjusted…

    And being called a girlfriend…….it’s actually ok with me. I’ve been married before. Not sure if partnership is going to be like a traditional marriage in the second half of my life…. in this day and age so much has changed.

    I have been calling my relationship an LD….but it doesn’t fit any more. He is here so often….he goes away to work and be there for his mother and sister and family as he always has and fixes his house to sell it and mostly wants to be here. Even when we were all sick, his mother said “that’s not going to keep him away….his heart is with you”.

    He is the most kindest, gentlest, generous, patient, loving man I have ever met. No one has ever treated me like he has. Valentine’s day was over the top. Nothing is perfect and that’s just it. He loves unconditionally and totally. It’s been 9 years since my separation/divorce and I have dedicated those years to raising my children. They are happy he is in our lives.

    A year ago I wouldn’t have believed it. I also believe in how our vibes will direct what happens next. It was a real shift in my vibe last year that made the most difference. I am more in touch with my feelings. I am more relaxed. I hear the NVs and I expect them and I don’t let them win as much.

    Siren island is a good place to practice these things…..and learn from others for a while……

    ….just how I feel….

    Enjoy the day.


  295.  #295Luzydel on February 15, 2012 at 4:05 am

    I will make this post for every day; I feel tired about the quest for love in another man. I have no problem meeting men, at POF, OKc, or any other site I get tons of emails, outside I get men flirting with me, I respond graciously but I cannot longer expect that something has to happen. I am making my life about me and love me. I am not having fun with this Saturdays or Sunday dates anymore, i have practiced enough, and I feel so tired. I am open to meet men only if they approach me, Love is not a numbers game. Love is inside of me and inside of the man who will end up sharing his time with mine.

    If I feel lonely, then I will feel lonely, But I cannot longer use another person to scratch that need. I cannot longer give chances because the guy is “nice”, I cannot go on a date when I know I do not like the guy simply because is “practicing”, I am not closing myself off, I am just opening it to new experiences, Like enjoying sex without expectations, Ging for great guys, instead of “fixer Upper” guys that I want to fix, I no longer want to prove I am a good woman to men who will take advantage of me.

    I am a amazing woman, I do not need to convince men about it anymore; I will show my qualities in my daily living, with my friends, the people I interact with. If it is meant to be to be with some one, he will see me and it will happen…

    I know this is not what most of you will agree upon, but I did Cding, I dated the “nice” guy; I made so many changes in my life thanks to the blog. It is time to do different things, to go up a level of new experiences. I cannot do the same thing over again and expect different results…

  296.  #296Butterfly Wings on February 15, 2012 at 4:39 am

    Hi sirens! I’m really tired and waiting for TH to come up here and demand I do the workout I’ve “forgotten” to do tonight.. lol He nags more than a woman!

    Last night I kind of “attacked” him. Not over the top but I said some things and he felt really unappreciated for buying me concert tickets and all of the other things he’s done for me lately.

    He had a point and so did I, but I did the wrong thing by having a go at him like I did. I didn’t keep it totally focused on me and my feelings – I made it about what he did and how it hurt me. Oops.

    So he just told me he didn’t want to talk to me when I was being like that (I don’t blame him) and he rolled over and went to sleep. I felt awful!

    Thankfully he didn’t stay cranky for long and we’re good yet again.

    I’m still feeling very confused though. His actions the last week show that he wants to be with me and stay with me. His words last week said that he had serious doubts.

    I have so much work on right now too that even if I wanted to CD, I just can’t! So I suppose I’ll just focus on my work and my babies for now and hope he works out what he wants soon…

  297.  #297Daria on February 15, 2012 at 4:48 am

    ‘When you find yourself focused on what it is that he’s doing that’s so upsetting to you, do this: Instead of telling him about what he’s doing, share with him what it is you need and how you feel about what you’re getting.

    In other words, instead of “Why didn’t you call?” — you would say “I feel really disappointed when we don’t talk. I feel like I’m having expectations and then I’m setting myself up to be disappointed — are we on the same page here?”‘

    I feel really dissapointed not getting head for longer… and i feel red and embarassed talking about it… i feel like im not honoring myself by having sex when im not feeling thoroaughly pleasured beforehand… and it feels like my body and heart are not really open… i dont want to do that… waht do you think?

  298.  #298Daria on February 15, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Luzydel – can I encourage you to use dating (whoever you choose to date) to focus on using the tools? and celebrating everytime you make a change in YOUR behavior that feels good? or notice something or heal something?

    focusing on what *I* did to change my patterns… and how my life experince is feeling better as a result

    that way it doesnt matter if the guy is nice, mean, attractive or not…

    its always just about me

  299.  #299Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:01 am

    ‘Now, no matter what he says, you go to appreciation. That’s right. Even if you feel like he’s a jerk — you say “Thank you for listening. I love it when you call. I love it when I hear your voice. It feels great when we’re in contact.”

    And… here is where you turn your attention to him:

    “I’m feeling curious — what is it that you want? What kind of phone connection and consistency and continuity do you want from this relationship?”

    And then you listen to him!’

    Thank you for listening. It feels good to be heard and feel safe talking about this.

    (He already told me what he wants and it didn’t really match up… )

    so now i will just pause and *expand*

    and things will magically resolve themselves!!!
    yay 😀

  300.  #300Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:04 am

    not getting head until i feel satisfied is a deal breaker for me when it comes to sex…

    i like you so much… i feel open to see u if u ask me out, no sex, until we come to an agreement that feels good to both of us about this…

  301.  #301River Girl on February 15, 2012 at 5:07 am

    You ARE an amazing woman Luzydel and cding is a tool that you can choose to use when you need to.

    It’s my belief that a man is attracted to who you are BEing, not what you are DOing.

  302.  #302Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:08 am

    i feel really uncomfortable … im feeling great with you and i dont want to throw off the vibe… and yet im really feeling compelled to get this clear…

    im not feeling ok with having sex without getting head until im satisfied…

    it feels good to cuddle and be close but sex without that feels sad to my heart… and i dont want to do that

  303.  #303Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:10 am

    eeesh i feel uncomfortable, shy , tongue tied, ashamed, dramatic, hot washed, powersmall talking about sex!!!

  304.  #304Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:13 am

    I am having a very empowering experience CDating and i would like other women to have an empowering experience too

  305.  #305Lizka on February 15, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Lyzydel 292 –

    I do agree with you. Meeting guys online was just not my thing. I removed my profile last week.

    I want to continue CDing but only with men I meet organicaly. I don’t want to “force” myself to go on date if it doesn’t feel good and exciting.

    I want to continue CDing (because I hven’t practice enough) so I’m going to have to be even more open that before to every men who approach me in real life.

    Yay Luzydel!!

  306.  #306Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 5:15 am


    Thank you.

    As to your practice above – it’s a very hard topic, please give yourself a credit for even trying to do something about it. You feel very brave to me.

  307.  #307Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:17 am

    aha i just noticed i try to sound sexy talking about sex

    impress instead of express?


    i feel so vulnerable telling a man no around sex… i feel scared im going to be treated bad or abandoned… and that’s all my stuff … but the truth is it feels so challenging

  308.  #308River Girl on February 15, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Daria, I only wish I had action to talk about and feel shy and embarrassed about. Zip, Zilch, Nuttin!!

  309.  #309Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:26 am

    “Then you ask him where he is about that. You can ask him what he thinks. Ask him if he thinks there’s some way to make what you want and need happen for you.


    If he doesn’t even want to make an effort to figure out how to make you feel better, then there’s your first clue that this man is not capable of real relationship.

    If he attempts to figure something out, like “….Well I can set my alarm” — then you know he’s at least interested in trying to create a real relationship with you.

    If he does the unforgivable thing of attacking YOU for even bringing this up, then either you’ve used the wrong words and you’ve attacked him and made him wrong, or he is absolutely not capable of having a relationship!”


    his answer: well, waht i CAN do is we can have sex and then ill give you head and then we’ll have sex and ill do it again and so on for like an hour…

    which means he DOES want to work it out which feels even scarier to me now to say i don’t want that again

    i feel scared he’ll give up and decide he can’t please me


    i imagine: i would feel sad, miss him, think about him and pine

    and i dont want that… but instead of controlling the situation to avoid those feelings… i am reminding myself i am a confident woman woh can handle any feelings that come up

    and i can use my control of “walk away” when i need to

    more appreciation: i appreciate you being here and talking through this with me and trying to work it out w us 🙂


    wow i just got mad at him in my imagination

    ok well i feel mad… i dont even want to be around him.. pushing hima way

    You are dishonoring me and making em feel unworthy and unattractive by nto wanting to go down on me until i feel pleased. it feels humiliating !!!!

    i do ?NOT want to feel this way

    i feel mad that i feel this way!

  310.  #310LiliBee on February 15, 2012 at 5:28 am


    Wow Luzydel,

    I feel so impressed by your insights.
    You are loving yourself enough to be doing what you feel you need to grow into the siren you want to be.
    Cd’ing yourself will fill you up with love for yourself, and the right man will feel that new vibe.

    I see you as a blooming flower 🙂

  311.  #311Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 5:28 am

    I need to relax and stop feeling so nervous, insecure and overall crazy. I am not recognizing myself-)

    Last night an hour after my thank you text I still felt that I was building walls by not calling. So sent another text asking if the boy was still awake. Then I had plans to go out with my gfriend, so just ran out of the house. He texted back at 2am, waking me up like for an hour: No.

    Yes, I didn’t expect the little boy to be awake at 2am, but it’s nice to get a confirmation lol. I’m leaning back and seriously considering my vibe and the fact that no matter how much he does for me, I feel nervous, i.e. not enjoying it. That feels really stupid and unfair.

  312.  #312Mochaberri on February 15, 2012 at 5:29 am

    @ Daria #295 and 297

    I love the tweaks and feeling messages!!

    Go Daria! Thank you for your inspiration

  313.  #313River Girl on February 15, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Aurora Girl

    “He is the most kindest, gentlest, generous, patient, loving man I have ever met. No one has ever treated me like he has. Valentine’s day was over the top. Nothing is perfect and that’s just it. He loves unconditionally and totally.”

    Ahhhh, that would feel so good. : )

  314.  #314Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:30 am

    oh so im not worth you making the effort to control yourself?

    oh other men can do it but you can’t? what kinda bullshit is that

    (ok i feel embarassed i actually WOULD use those words when i really just want ot be open)


    I feel unworthy that a man wouldnt make the effort to control himself

    i feel like im not good enough and i feel enraged to feel like that

  315.  #315Lizka on February 15, 2012 at 5:33 am

    I was feeling all quiet this morning, pretty happy and satisfied about my Valentine night with myself and that both DjCD and ATW texted me to wish me happy Valentine’s Day…

    So I’m in this easy breasy vibe amd my Bestfriend#2 texts me and ask about my night. So I tell her about the spa treatment and how my skin feels so soft now and everything. And I added that both DjCD and ATW “called” me for VDay.

    And she started: what they only called you? None of them ask to see you? So I went defensive mode and started feeling sad and i said I had a trainning anyway and time with myself planned. And she goes but they could have show you they have the “intention to”.

    Seriously WTF supposed best friend?!? Why do you NEED to make me want to blame them and feel like I am not receiving enough and that I should NOT be satisfied. Why she want me to hate them and be mad and feel guilty thinking that I am defending them?!?

    I feel so f*cking pisse at her right now. Why do I need people like that around me?!? Arrrrrggggggggggg mad mad mad mad mad!!!!!

  316.  #316Dominique on February 15, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Flowerchild – #204 – I wouldn’t call that expectations. I would call that isness, human decency/consideration.

    In my view, expectations are those things you build up in your head with our without cause. It’s a setting yourself up for disappointment. Even if the “expectation” has been met but in a different form or wearing different clothes, you won’t be able to recognize it, for it doesn’t look like what you created in your head. This would be potential missed opportunities. You wouldn’t be able to see the gifts for the expectations in your mind.

    If someone has promised you something, then to not come through would be disrespectful. This has happened to me with K before, a promise made on impulse for whatever reason, and yes I have felt let down, disappointed.

    So even when he says he will do something, I don’t expect it anymore. Not because I don’t trust him to come through or anything else like this. I just would rather be surprised and delighted at what he does come up with rather than be waiting for something that may or may not appear.

    In your case, if someone has made plans with you, barring serious injury or illness, then yes of course to expect a follow through would be warranted. But again I wouldn’t call it expectations. It just is. Things can and do come up, and this is fine, but a phone call to cancel and reschedule would be another isness.


  317.  #317Dominique on February 15, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Rivergirl – #211 double like, triple like…


  318.  #318Daria on February 15, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Thanks ladies 🙂 wow … i feel really seen and smily

    hehe 😀

  319.  #319Peaches on February 15, 2012 at 5:40 am

    Daria – I so appreciate your posts here tonight – I wish I’d known how to do that before now…..

  320.  #320Francesca on February 15, 2012 at 5:45 am

    Ladies, I am sorry for being such a pain in the arse.

    I am sorry I sounded passive aggresive.

    I agree with some of you who say I need to work on that.

    I totally know it and I do want to get rid of that bad habit.

    I am sorry I attack&d you and sounded like a b&tch.

    I want to apologize.

    It was certainly not very sireny of me to do something like that.

    I hope you will forgive me.

  321.  #321Peaches on February 15, 2012 at 5:53 am

    aww ((((( Francesca))))) i don’t know what your post refers to, but I’d say go easy on yourself..we let go of what needs to be left behind us when the time is right….everyone has their own process in their own time…..can you be gentle on yourself and hold on to your heart?

    So much of what we have to do to feel better is difficult…..and there are stories from sirens here that are uplifting, authentic and inspiring….I hope for that for both me and you 🙂

  322.  #322Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 5:53 am


    Just think that sometimes our best friends and family want the very best for us. So even if you tell them you had a helicopter taking you to the best place in the city, they’d ask if he brought enough flowers in the helicopter.

    Just accept that you know better.

  323.  #323Daria on February 15, 2012 at 6:09 am

    i dont want to feel like im not worth the effort for a man to control himself

    i feel open to work through and practice until it feels good (if you suck at it… )

    i feel kinda smily and warm thinking of that

    i feel kinda sad about those last two lines


    it didnt really feel good, and i don’t expect that it will always feel good the first time…

    i feel open to talk and work through it until it does

  324.  #324Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 6:17 am

    I feel so sad this morning. I give up.

  325.  #325Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 6:19 am

    I feel scared that I’m pushing him away by acting formal and polite, treating him like a stranger almost.

  326.  #326Daria on February 15, 2012 at 6:20 am


    I forgive you!

    (i feel unworthy to say that! wow! who am i to forgive, right?

    well look here i am the amazing Daria (wow im judging myself for blwoing myself up and importance hogging) and i DID feel upset (wow i feel uncomfortable saying that)

    and i feel totally warm and loving now 🙂

    thanks for apologizing!

    i feel compelled to clarify that i would have forgiven you anyway – that comes from my fear that i sound like a self important jackass –

    (WOW – i judge self importance as jackasssy!!!!

    no wonder i don’t ahve the self importance i desire!!

    OH YEAH and also fear that it will sound like im not nice and i was all cold and ‘bad’ by not saying that “you don’t have to” and “it’s ok”

    which you don’t and it is haha actually

    so by just accepting the apology without offering comfort for the guilt

    feels uncomfortable to me –

    i DO want to offer comfort though…

    i really DO feel totally loving and ok about it !

    now im feeling all unseen and misunderstood… (by me)


    im lost in a pattern

    im going down the rabbit hole


    i know!!!

    saying Thank you for apologzing feels – pattern here – uncomfortable to me

    again the importance thing

    like why am *I* not leaning forward in now to nurture apologizng person?

    why am i only Receiving the apology

    im heartless and think im better than

    my old Nv’s

    hello friends 🙂


    feels amusing now

  327.  #327Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 6:23 am


    What happened? I thought that M was stepping up lately?

  328.  #328Daria on February 15, 2012 at 6:25 am

    that was “my stuff”

    ok waht if cahnge

    STiff: Thank you for apologizing 😐


    wow thank you so much for apologizing! thats so honest and solid/considerate

    i appreciate it!

    i wasn’t aware of still feleing upset… but i feel so much safer with you now

  329.  #329Lizka on February 15, 2012 at 6:26 am

    I sent her a very nice and long feeling message saying how it made
    Me feel insecure and sad and broke my easy breazy vibe. Not blamey at all.

    And she just went super defensive but ended up apologizing. O didnt reply. Will give her space to think.

    Feeling better now.

  330.  #330Daria on February 15, 2012 at 6:27 am

    ohhh yeah, thats what it was about the post…

    Francesca i feel compassionate seeing you beat up on yourself too!!! (((Francesca))))

  331.  #331Lizka on February 15, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Memulo remember you are the prize!!!!

  332.  #332Daria on February 15, 2012 at 6:38 am

    wow i feel surprised.. super surprised to see so many ladies relating to my “sex convo” related posts

    i had this perception that i would actually be accused of bieng inappropriate (there she goes again) talking about “head” (sounds so NOT sexy which feels even MORE uncomfortble to me to talk bout )

    and being all in our face _


    your inappropriate



    not-realtionship oriented (wow??)





    i feel like a robot talkiung abiut this stuff

    or like a man, a boy at puberty or

    i DO NOT feel sexy

    i try to make it sexy by using sensual words (actually, not such a bad thing after all now that i think about it)


    and finding soemthing else to replace “getting head”

    but it feels uncomfortable to make it sexual too!!!

    esp if the other person doesn’t seem enthusiastic


    i feel compelled to make it sound attractive by appelaing to sexuality


    i feel frutsrated and sad

    and confused

    it would feel good to feel powerful about this

    what if i Could feel powerful about this

  333.  #333Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Francesca, truthfully sometimes I wonder what passive aggressive really means or is so honestly I did not see your comments that way. The way I see it we all have our days and we are doing the best we know how. For me, once there is no name calling and outright rudeness I can handle people’s ups and downs so no need to apologize here. I am happy to see that you are back because I really feel passionate about as many women as possible learning how to change our communication style and how to relate to men. Welcome back. It makes me feel happy today to see you back.

  334.  #334Daria on February 15, 2012 at 6:49 am

    hey!!! i jsut told a CD online from across the world that tries to chat me up each time im on with hello how are you all the time

    that i felt bored with chit chat

    if eel good he wants to talk to me but it feels draining with talking about hello how are you the same each time


    go me for communicating honestly!

    before this i was just judging him, dodging him and feeling annoyed!!!!

    now i feel way more open and LESS annoyed!

    weeeee me!

    And he stepped up the convo a bit

    well first actually he didnt

    he said ohhh well what do you find intersteing

    and im like

    that feels like too much work for me to answer that

    and hes like




    go brave honest yet gentle Daria

  335.  #335Daria on February 15, 2012 at 6:51 am

    actually im feeling REALLY open safe and lovnig after that

    if i can tell a man that, i can TRUST myself to really be gentle AND put myself first!


    i feel moved

  336.  #336Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Lizka, thank you, I am not sure I feel like a prize right now for some reason. What do I do to change that??

  337.  #337Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Luzydel -I am a amazing woman, I do not need to convince men about it anymore; I will show my qualities in my daily living, with my friends, the people I interact with. If it is meant to be to be with some one, he will see me and it will happen”…

    I believe this sums up what cdating is about. If we show ourselves in our regular lives it becomes second nature while cdating. Unfortunately this comment has me wondering if you have been unconsciously trying to impress the guys so they have not been seeing the true person. You know Rori says we lose if we pretend anything. Trying to convine a man will work against you because what he wants to fall in love with is the real you. Luzydel I would really explore what are my beliefs why I would write this comment.

  338.  #338Daria on February 15, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Femininewoman – i felt sad reading your first line that you did not see the comments that way

    i felt like my feelings of upsetness reading the comment were being invalidated

    im aware that this is not what you wrote and that you have a right to your perception and words

    i felt like i got slammed hard on my chest


    i feel really curious and kinda numb and detached and surprised at myeslf and this post i just wrote – wow this feels… different… peaceful…

  339.  #339Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 7:10 am

    I told a man last nite that I felt bored with texting and that I like hearing his voice. He called later on but also became a bit annoyed that he had to do “work”.

  340.  #340Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 7:10 am

    I feel really sad and confused. Yesterday was hard. Memories kept bubbling up. I was reminded of really joyful and painful times. I guess I’m still healing, but I feel tired of healing. I want to be over everything! enough is enough, already!

    My family was in town. My mom had one of her emotionally unstable moments after we all went out to lunch. She was ranting and raving about something or the other, and when my dad made a comment to her, I could tell it triggered her. She really got going after that comment…

    For probably the first time ever, I was able to “not get sucked into” her anger and sorrow. I saw her as a woman who was still hurting from her past, and still re-living it.

    I was able to see that really, it had nothing to do with me or my family, and it had everything to do with the pain that was still deep inside of her.

    Instead of getting sucked into her emotions and feeling guilt like I usually would, I was almost able to comfort her. I felt like the wise one, like I was the mother.

    I miss her so much, and I wish I could heal her, but I realize she has to heal herself.

    I feel soooo sad and helpless. But I feel like I’ve grown so much. To be able to not get sucked in to her sea of emotions, but to see her as she truly is, and to love her as she truly is. Damaged and completely beautiful.

    I hope so much for her complete healing.
    I hope so much for my complete healing.

  341.  #341Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Memulo think of yourself as a gift wrapped up in shiny pretty wrapping with silver ribbons all around it while telling yourself I am the prize.

  342.  #342Daria on February 15, 2012 at 7:12 am

    writing those last two lines i felt scared – what if im not seen? what if it doesnt seem different or peaceful at all? what if im (again) the only one who “gets” me?


    what are those feelings?


    unworthy – low self worth, looking at others for self worth based on their response




  343.  #343Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 7:16 am

    #336 FW,

    This is an interesting experience, thanks for sharing. I remember saying smth like : ‘I’m at home, would you like to talk over the phone?’

    I know without FM’s, but I didn’t feel that he was annoyed, he just told me what time he will be calling.

  344.  #344Daria on February 15, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Memulo – i think you would like Modern Siren

  345.  #345Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Haha FW,

    #338: this is a pretty picture, thank you!

  346.  #346Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Lizka this is a suggestion that I am totally comfortable if you ignore, it is just a thought I had after reading your posts. CCarter talks about the negative emotional override that we tend to go to at times. So I am wondering if sometimes when you read things like what your friend wrote and caused you to feel pissed, if you could notice the feeling and sink deep into them. Looking to see if there is something else there that caused you to feel that way aside from the words on the screen, because truly they are just words on a page. I am wondering if when you read them as see them from the first perspective if you could attempt to reframe them. This to me gives your mind/brain the reality shock that yes you have a choice about what you can pick. So during the pause you get to decide which of the options you will pick. What do you think?

  347.  #347Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 7:36 am

    RE 340 Memulo I goes to show that men are different and that they will respond in the way that feels comfortable to them. Some men are willing to accommodate us depending on whether they want to or not while some just don’t want to be bothered or it might be a bad time for them. Especially if they are watching a game on tv. In any event they are entitled to choose what works best for them.

  348.  #348Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 7:40 am


    Thank you, I have Modern Siren. And I feel I’m ok for the first few dates with a guy, I have no problem being who I am and enjoying it. Just if I allow any disbalance (like lean fwd or have to say No), then it’s harder to get back on the bridge. And I feel scared of making a stupid mistake of appreciating him too much or not appreciating enough, i.e. judging the situation incorrectly. I’m telling myself to breath and sometimes it does help 🙂

  349.  #349Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I feel a little bit ignored, but I understand why, I’ve been neglecting the blog and not commenting that much. I feel guilty for that, but then again, I feel too immature to really offer any good advice on here.

    I feel really confused about Jack CD. He has yet to ask me out on a real date. It feels so frustrating, because I really care about him as a friend and as more than that.

    Sometimes I feel so emotionally connected to him. Like I can feel his anger and his confusion and his anxiety from a distance. And when he’s feeling those things, I start feeling those things. emotions are contagious, after all.

    I ran into him after not seeing him for two weeks. I felt anger and hurt coming from him, and I felt confused as to why.

    If anything, I felt like I should be the one feeling angry and hurt. He isn’t stepping up. I don’t feel pursued or wanted by him when when he doesn’t step up. Should I tell him that?

    I asked him for his friend’s phone number earlier that day, after majorly leaning back, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

    He asked me for one my friend’s phone numbers a while ago after all…and then he flirted with her right in front of my face.

    I really did need his friend’s number to ask for some directions, (though I didn’t tell him the part about needing directions.)

    Deep down, I wanted him to know what it felt like when someone you like asks you for someone elses number. I felt vindicated. He felt angry, I could just…feel it.

    So, we hung out with our group of friends the following night, and I pointed out to him that he seemed angry the night before and that it felt interesting to me.

    We kind of playfully argued. I feel tension between us, but it’s like a good tension.

    but then last night, we were together with our friends, and we kind of ignored each other. I felt sad and tired. He came into the kitchen where I was with a couple of other friends, but didn’t acknowledge me or say anything. Just sat down at the counter near a couple of other friends without saying anything.

    I feel like he really cares about me. I don’t feel like I’m wrong in this. He told confessed a long time ago that it is really hard for him to ask girls out. I’m starting to wonder just how hard it is…

    Part of me just wants to scream: “Get over it, already! Am I not worth a little nervousness and potential rejection?”

    We were watching the Princess Bride last night. Wesley. What an interesting character. I made a comment that I regretted. “He used to be such a pushover, and now he’s finally taking charge!”

    I was reminded about how I feel about men who do too many nice things for me early on, or who make me feel like I’m the one in charge.

    I hate feeling like the one in charge! It feels good when a man does nice things for me, but only after he has shown me that he is in control, by not putting up with my spoiled brat behavior, or just by taking charge of our interactions together.

    I need that. I need to feel that he is strong and capable. I crave discipline and direction from a man. If a guy is too eager to please me, it makes me feel like he is weak, and I am stronger than him, and that feels so icky.

    Are these feelings normal? and why do I care if they are normal or not?

    I was reminded by a female friend that the character of Wesley used to be a servant, and now he’s had the experience of dealing with pirates.

    Is it just me or is he not so much more attractive and manly after dealing with the pirates?

    I don’t like the way she bosses him around before he leaves on his journey. And yet she loved him before the journey and after his journey. She loved him both as a man who was just trying to please her, and as a man who mocked her pain and protected her from harm later on.

    Sirens, does Jack CD just like me as a friend? My gut tells me no…is my gut wrong? He stares at me and flirts with me and gets jealous and has invited me to do things before…?

    What do you all think about Wesley, before and after his seperation from Buttercup in the Princess Bride?

    I’d reeally love some advice…


    Sirens, please help me understand what’s going on with me!

  350.  #350Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Memulo 345 sounds to me like you might be in your head a lot. I would encourage you if that is where you are to ask yourself while on the date “what am I feeling” “do I like him” and go down into your belly to see how you feel about him. Forget about making mistakes – that feels too tigthened and restrictive to me, almost like walking on a tightrope fearing to look down because I might fall. I feel my heart jumping with tension just thinking about it.

  351.  #351Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 7:57 am


    #344: Agreed completely. But if you feel bored with texting, it’s nice if your wish is honored as well.

  352.  #352Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 8:04 am

    #347 FW,

    Thank you. I will try that. I know I like him, so focusing on that feeling will only make me happy 🙂

  353.  #353sensual on February 15, 2012 at 8:07 am

    agggh sirens are we supposed to just forgive and forget once we state our feelings about something and we receive our apologies? How easily after that do you allow yourself to feel good around the man, or do you decline their invitations and make them work for you until you feel good about it again? (different time period for different sirens no?)

  354.  #354Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Iamabutterfly I have to admit that the last time you directly addressed me it felt like an elephant flashed his tail to flick a fly off his butt. I can’t remember what the discussion was about but I felt insignificant and now that I do an internal check I realize that I made a vow not to write about my thinking about your posts, though I do read them. Sometimes I end up feeling bad about people’s responses to me and try to avoid those feelings by not responding to comments. lol Even in cyberspace I stuff feelings and go to stonewalling.

  355.  #355lk on February 15, 2012 at 8:09 am

    i radically & unconditionally love myself & my feelings

    i don’t believe in guilt

  356.  #356Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 8:09 am

    sensual what else can he do or maybe a better question what do you need from the other person for the feeling to change?

  357.  #357sensual on February 15, 2012 at 8:15 am

    I was seeing LuckyCD for the last 4 weeks, he was sooo head over heels for me the 1st 2-3weeks, asking to see me every day, took me shopping and bought me gifts, saturday night dates, beachside sunsets, talking about a lotttt of future things including valentines day! and I was just trying to slow him down! ( he is recently out of a 5 year relationship so i felt scared at how fast he wanted to move things with us.) Then I had a chat with him saying i just felt cautious and wanted to take things slow and he was like “your right to feel cautious….but i really like you i want to see what happens with us…potential etc etc” except since that chat it just felt like his feelings towards me changed. he just didn’t seem as crazy about me anymore. I was out of town last week and I msgd him mid-week and he asked when i was coming home and I said late friday night.

    did not hear from him since! nothing at all on valentines day!! and then i go out to a bar with my girlfriends and i run into him!!!

  358.  #358lk on February 15, 2012 at 8:18 am

    hi, fw!

    you think i’m a spoiled brat ? i feel so curious about it… i am a spoiled brat… but i don’t want to feel guilty about it.

    that is… i am spoiled (& my filters & assumptions are colored by it). & i can be a brat (like everyone). so sometimes i’m a spoiled brat.

    ok, so sometimes i’m a spoiled brat.

    but i love her ? i have to love her while she’s here, right ? fighting with her, kxlling her, would just get me a Self-Hxte Axsxssin, right ? & then I’d have a rogue self-hxter kxlling all sorts of things inside me, or at least fighting with them ?

    i want to fuel self-love & other-love, not hxte…

    what do you think?

    i feel shaky about hearing your reply, so i’d like to say that gentleness would feel good : ) i’m feeling weak & fragile & wilty this morning…. though i do have hope that noon sun will see me perked : )))

  359.  #359sensual on February 15, 2012 at 8:27 am

    FW: i guess the problem I have is that my feelings of disappointment are over expectations and he doesn’t really owe me anything at this point.

    It’s just that given how he was feeling / behaving to me only 2 week ago, one would expect a dinner date or at least a TEXT MESSAGE on valentines day!

    but we’ve argued, i stated over and over how i feel disappointed and turned off, he apologized, he said he didn’t know i was back in town (rubbish) he was trying to show me his blackberry emails how he’s been working til 3am every night, he was saying he really likes me and still wants to see what the future holds for us. I told him It doesn’t feel good to not receive anything on V-day when your seeing someone regularly and to me that feels like ENDING what we have. and that despite him being crazy busy all day today i felt like things were over between us yesterday because we haven’t spoken since last wednesday and guys should be giving you 2 days notice before a date anyway! he said that he needs me to contact him! he doesn’t know if i’m back in town or have 5 other dates…and i told him that i don’t feel good texting/calling guys, maybe in a relationship, but not in the early stages with someone. And yet i did text him last week and i did call him the day before I left! he seemed to understand and he apologized and he said he still wants to see me, to take me out and to see what happens with us…………..but how am i supposed to feel good about things again! he’s not contacting me regularly anymore and V-day has passed without us speaking for 5 days leading up and w/o me hearing anything from him!

  360.  #360Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 8:35 am

    lk I don’t think you are a spoiled brat. I used the term because that was what came to mind when I read that post. Normally I love the way how you express your comments. I mostly experience them as creative and mysteriously different. I often wonder how you make them flow so easily.

    I guess I was putting that particular comment through the filters of what I have heard my authoritative figures in my life say about kids. And even if they are they are still worthy and deserving of love.

  361.  #361sensual on February 15, 2012 at 8:37 am

    thing is, I have seen some of my most Sireny of girlfriends forgive a guy even after he’s cheated. Of course she ( 2 cases i can recall) showed him how deeply he’d hurt her they broke up over it, he begged and begged her forgiveness, but once she (they) accepted the apologies……they were able to just move forward as though they still felt in love with each other. and past of that i believe is about being able to BE in the present moment and not think about the past once you’re forgiven it

  362.  #362Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 8:37 am

    RE 356 sensual that post was very centered around his behavior and what you think about it. My question to you is what did you learn from your feeling of disappointment? Are you now clear about what you need? What are you willing to do take care of your feelings?

  363.  #363Starla on February 15, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Francesca, hi! I’m glad you came back. I wrote some things, but looking back it feels important to caveat the things I said with “I was triggered.” Though, I’m so glad this blog gives you a safe place to see how you react and relate and what triggers you.

    I’m so glad you came back!

  364.  #364Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 8:45 am

    “guys should be giving you 2 days notice before a date anyway!”

    Wow so there should be no surprises or spontanaiety?

    “he said that he needs me to contact him!”
    This seems like it might be a request on his part and the direction he might want to lead the relationship in. Though I believe in leaning back, I believe that when the relationship is official and guys make such requests there are times that we need to call back. I don’t think that at those times it is leaning forward. It is leaning forward when the relationship is imaginary. When he says he wants a relationship that is when it is official and you tell him the terms on which you will be in relationship. Such as regular contact is important to you – you need to see him 3 times during the week with a lot of phone contact in between. This is giving him your terms so he gets to decide if he wants to do this to make you happy.

  365.  #365Starla on February 15, 2012 at 8:46 am

    i’ll be honest about comments I ignore… I can’t read more than 3 or 4 paragraphs at a time. This is my problem…I am a slow reader and have poorer comprehension than I ought to for a person of my intelligence. I had to study my ass off to get through the verbal section of the GRE for this reason.

  366.  #366Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 8:48 am

    “It’s just that given how he was feeling / behaving to me only 2 week ago”

    Guys step up big time in the beggining of relationships to impress us because they want us to choose them. We kind of get fooled into believing that this is the way the guys act all the time when truly it is not. The question is how were you feeling with him?

  367.  #367sensual on February 15, 2012 at 8:48 am

    359 : yes sorry, just felt i wanted to explain the situation.

    I guess I feel disappointed and turned off like i told him, and now i feel mistrustful of him and all the wonderful things he said / did for me before.

    I need to feel like the prize again and for this there needs to be some seriously step up behavior on his part for me to want to give him a second chance

    but i also feel a little hesitant to keep making him pay for his mistake and to keep stating my feelings because we’re only been dating 4 weeks, perhaps I shouldn’t have these expectations of him

  368.  #368sensual on February 15, 2012 at 8:51 am

    but after i’d expressed my feelings and he’d apologized over…..i did start to feel better about him in his presence……although i still feel mistrustful of him

  369.  #369Starla on February 15, 2012 at 8:52 am

    I had a nice anti-valentine’s date with CF. He took me to our favorite cheap diner and gave me black flowers (fake of course), which was perfect since I made him a blackheart valentine. Then he just wanted to go back to my place and cuddle…it’s sweet because he’s never trying to just get into my pants. He is just totally addicted to holding me. He said if I wanted to do something different, we could, but I couldn’t think of anything, so I just let him lead us to cuddleland.

    I was in a bad mood all night because of work/school/roommate/health, but I really felt like I could be distracted and still be accepted and happy to be there with him.

    I fell in love with him a little bit more last night.

    We also talked about our day-long fight from last week and he thought it was so sweet that i felt bad about how I acted…he is used to women with no level of self awareness. And he told me it’s okay for me to need him, and that he will always be there when i need him, even if i’m just being emotionally unstable…then he added, “but don’t abuse it,” with a smile…and i said “you sound like a man who’s been abused this way,” and he said yeah…

  370.  #370sensual on February 15, 2012 at 8:52 am

    i felt better about ME in his presence i meant to say

  371.  #371Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 8:57 am


    #361: I know it is advised to discuss the terms before you getting into a relationship, but I still have a hard time imagining that, especially if you are with someone whom you trust and feel a connection with. How do you say ‘I need to see you 3 times a week’ before the thing even started? After all, it’s not a business arrangement lol. Perhaps if you feel the lack of interaction then you can share that feeling, that I’d feel comfortable with.

    On a separate note, I feel scared of being seen ‘too proper’ or ‘too polite’ and it’s not the way I see myself. Although I am trying to be polite and deep and I don’t want to change that. I believe in a sense of humor and love when people have it. Still sometimes I am referred to as ‘too serious’, even by ones that rarely make jokes themselves. I am not sure how to deal with this.

  372.  #372Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 8:59 am

    sensual yes drop the expectations. He is entitled to want to do something else. He is a grown man. If he did everything you want when you want it, he would be a puppet. The relationship is new you need time and history to be able to trust. You need him keeping his word to be able to trust. You can choose to feel like the prize no matter what he is doing. Even if he steps up, you might still not feel like the prize.

  373.  #373sensual on February 15, 2012 at 9:00 am

    @361 the 2 days notice was applying to a valentines day date … the beginning stages with someone I like to have notice before dates but later in a relationship sponteneity is great.

    My conflict feels like it is because we’ve only been dating 4 weeks, so maybe i shouldn’t expect so much. but to not hear from someone for 5 days and over valentines day and then for them to ask me out again and tell me they really like me…..feels weird and like being played!

  374.  #374Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 9:02 am


    Your date sounds wonderful! 🙂

  375.  #375Starla on February 15, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Brenda wants to discuss something with me, and I don’t want to do it in an email anymore because it’s blog related, so she said on the blog would be fine.

    Brenda, you emailed me asking to take David under my wing because he is su*cidal over a woman he broke up with. I said he should be under psychiatric care, and that was my two cents. You wrote back saying something about how he’s a human being even if he has a pen*s. That’s not what I said at all, so I wrote back something harsh about not wanting to get emailed about blog stuff and not wanting sarcastic replies diminishing the importance of SUIC*DAL TENDENCIES and suggesting i have no compassion. Ouch. You must be out your mind?

    Then I thought I was perhaps too harsh so I apologized.

    But now you’re emailing me telling me you cried yourself to sleep over it, but the thing is, as much as I don’t want you to do that, I am not responsible for your feelings, and I’m not a psychiatrist so I can’t be responsible for David’s suic*dal tendencies, and I just want to be left alone about this stuff. It feels like a trick and weird and unhealthy. Maybe I’m just being a b*tch but this is really how I feel. You said you appreciated my apology but cried yourself to sleep. That is a huge reaction to have, I’m no fool, and the way you said it made it seem like you were blaming me for it.

    You said you still feel shut down, and I’m kind of glad. Because this all feels tiring and unfair and I really really just don’t want to deal with it.

  376.  #376Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:08 am

    It is not a business arrangment it is a personal need that should be communicated as a grown up in a relationship.

  377.  #377sensual on February 15, 2012 at 9:08 am

    @369 ok so dropping the expectations also means for me living in the present….just BE-ing. which also means forgetting how well he treated me and the promises he made during those first 2-3 weeks and going off how i feel about things now, which is basically to downgrade us back to moment by moment, date by date, no staying the night at his house until i feel comfortable about things again…ugh that feels yuck to think about, there’s no way i will stay at his house again after not being contacted for 5 days over V-day!

  378.  #378Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Starla that is the type of thing that I fear why I am not open to even interacting on facebook. I believe discussions about people on the blog and things on the blog should remain here. I remember Rori writing something in the past about being careful around writing to people and sharing emails.

  379.  #379Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 9:14 am

    @351 Feminine Woman – I am so sorry you felt that way! I remember truly trying to be thoughtful with my response to you, but I have to admit, I don’t feel like I know much of anything when it comes to relationships.

    It feels very embarassing, because I feel like I should know much more than I do.

    I want you to know that I always respect what you have to say!

  380.  #380Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:16 am

    sensual many guys, many guys hate valentine’s day. I mostly believe it is a really stupid “calendar” day. It forces commercialization and money wasting if you ask me. Just this morning it was being discussed on the radio and stats show that today is the day that lawyers make a lot of money, affairs start because of what happens/does not happen on Valentine’s Day. Why put so much store into one day?

  381.  #381Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Iamabutterfly I also feel embarrased about what I don’t know about relationships. You are not responsible for my feelings, I need to change my perspective and learning how to interact around what I perceive as difficult situations. I am learning too.

  382.  #382sensual on February 15, 2012 at 9:20 am

    thank you feminine woman…. i’m just going to go with my feelings in his presence, ie respond to how he behaves towards me from now on and try to live in the present without the expectations. let’s see how i feel about the contact / step up behavior from now forward.

  383.  #383lk on February 15, 2012 at 9:20 am


    “He is a grown man. If he did everything you want when you want it, he would be a puppet.”

    this made me fall in love so deeply with myself & with my future relationship. it’s lovely & so freeing. such a beautiful twist & i love to be reminded of it.

  384.  #384Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 9:22 am

    I feel super vulnerable. I’m 27, and I’ve never called anyone my boyfriend. Every time I come close, I always sabatoge the relationship, feeling fear and confusion. Then it always takes me FOREVER to get over the guy. I know I need to love myself more, and to love the guys less than I love myself.

    Still working on that…

    I’ve been told by married men I trust that I don’t give the guys I’m interested in enough to go on. I don’t flirt with them enough or something?

    I feel so scared with Jack CD. It feels so much like when I got hurt really bad back in 2008.

    I felt angry that the old guy wasn’t “doing enough” to win me. It doesn’t feel like Jack CD is “doing enough.”

    I want to know what would feel like “enough.” Before, I was so insecure, that truly nothing he could have done would have been “enough” to prove his caring about me.

    What would finally make me feel secure?

    I need to feel more secure in myself. I do feel much more secure this time around…

  385.  #385Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

    David if you are reading, I feel concerned about what Starla wrote and would encourage you to seek help. Life is not easy for most of us but when we have someone to hold our hands and help us navigate the challenges, it make it so much easier. I don’t believe anyone here is able to really help with such tendencies but there are a lot of resources if you check. Life is too good and your purpose on the planet too important to end your life just because of 1 failed relationship. Please bear in mind that you did not fail.

  386.  #386Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 9:25 am

    @378 Feminine Woman – That felt forgiving and compassionate to read. It also felt wise. Thank you!

  387.  #387Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Memulo I say love your proper, polite self. She is a part of you.

  388.  #388Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Iamabutterfly do you really want to be someone’s girlfriend? Ask yourself why?

    I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend. As a matter of fact I am comfortable telling guys that. I want to be a wife. Being a girlfriend gives a guy too much power and access over me while for the most part I feel insecure around asking for what I want and hesitant to let them go if they don’t step up because I am afraid no one else will. I feel open to experimenting with cdating rather than settling into girlfriend status with one man. Until my commitment shows up.

  389.  #389Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Starla I love the energy around the anti-valentine’s date. The black heart and cheap diner – I love it when I have choices especially when it is to go against the grain. ha my inner rebel is feeling happy. I love her.

  390.  #390Laughing Goddess on February 15, 2012 at 9:45 am

    While I have a few dear friends from siren island that I communicate with off-blog, for the most part, I feel much safer communicating here. I’ve felt hesitant to get involved with the FB page for that reason, even though I do feel really curious about sirens and enjoy putting a face to a name.

    Something about the container created here makes me feel safe. I like the guidelines that are in place here regarding how we communicate. I like that there are so many people to offer their perspective.

    I like that I can come here when I am feeling ready, there is no pressure to respond. I like knowing that if I don’t have time to answer someone’s question, someone else probably will.

    I’m just feeling really uncomfortable reading about that situation with David, Starla, and Brenda. I feel protective and I feel scared. And I feel kinda stuck for words.

  391.  #391Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Sirens, I desperately need your help in my situation with M.

    We had a wonderful evening last night, he gave me a Pandora bead. We planned to go away this weekend for Valentine’s.

    This morning he calls and says he is unsure, he doesn’t think it will work. He was on his way to work so didnt have time to talk more but he is calling me later.


    He said he was insecure about my reaction to the gift. He had a bad ‘feeling’ (I wrote last night I was leaning forward too much…!)

    What can I do?

    He says it would be hypocritical of him to go away with me this weekend, because he feels it in his d$ck, his heart, but not in his gut!!!

    What can I do?

    Please help with FM ideas.

    I tell him I feel vulnerable and then he says I am too insecure, that he feels I am alsways insecure (remember the match profile, he said again this morning ‘I haven’t been online in weeks and only exchanged emails with the contact from there, that’s all, yet I feel you are too insecure’…


  392.  #392lk on February 15, 2012 at 9:50 am

    i feel shaky about men & women & what it means to have strong feelings

  393.  #393Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 9:51 am

    @385 Femine Woman – Honestly? Part of me does want to be a girlfriend, simply because I have never been anyone’s girlfriend. I feel like I missed that window in my life. Then, another part of me is saying, No, I suppose I don’t want to be a girlfriend.

    I want to be a wife, but even typing that feels scary and awkward, and almost not true?

    Because it would feel good to have my favorite guy call me his favorite girl.

    I just want to belong to someone. I just want to feel cherished. and yet I still want the freedom of dating other men. I don’t understand how that could work. I don’t understand how to communicate my feelings and needs to Jack CD specifically, when I feel like the more significant feelings don’t pop up until I’m away from him, and there’s no option at that point but to lean forward.

    It’s like, I’m not okay with him flirting with and hanging out with other women, but I want him to be exclusive with me, but I want it to be okay for me to flirt with and hang out with other men.

    Hmm…hypocritical much?

    and Starla – the anti-valentine’s date sounds sooooo cute! I feel jealous, but happy for you too. 🙂 he sounds like a cool, different kind of guy. 🙂

    Not fair, I know.

  394.  #394Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 9:53 am


    What was your reaction to the gift?

    Please breathe, it will be alright.

  395.  #395Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 9:53 am

    M’s text after our talk this morning (we got disconnected):

    ”I’m sorry. The line dropped. I didn’t hang up… but I have to go now. I will call you later.”

  396.  #396Laughing Goddess on February 15, 2012 at 9:54 am

    I had a fun day yesterday. Sweetie took me up to the hot springs where we met. I felt so surprised when we showed up and he had a massage booked for me. He cleaned out the car so that it was super comfy to ride in and packed a picnic lunch for us and bought me flowers and chocolates and a little heart-shaped candle.

    I like that is was low-key, yet I still felt cherished and cared for.

    I don’t normally feel very excited about v-day with all the commercialism and pressure associated with it. This year felt really fun though.

    I feel proud of myself for how I was able to lean back and go with the flow.

  397.  #397Starla on February 15, 2012 at 9:54 am

    FW, that’s cool that you like the rebellion, hehe. Something I like so much about him is that he is truly open minded. He doesn’t rebel because it is the thing to do, but because it is an option. He doesn’t do stuff traditionally because it is the thing to do, but because it is an option.

  398.  #398CurvySiren10 on February 15, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Siren Angel, I feel for you. I also know that for some men, insecurity is a major attraction killer. I have been through this. Confidence is a major turn-on for men. I think there is a fine line between having boundaries around other them seeing other women and displaying attraction-killing insecurity. This is where CD-ing becomes so critical. Your vibe around his profile and the issues over the weekend with no contact from him have been VERY intense. He can sense this. Until this vibe is shifted authentically (probably by YOU cd-ing and getting your focus off of him) the relationship will probably continue on this path.

    I’m not sure about what you should say at this point, but I felt the desire to comment to you.

    Sending hugs. I know how tough this is. This is the time to REALLY take care of you…

  399.  #399Tiffany on February 15, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Aurora Girl – I really liked your post in #291. Thank you!

  400.  #400Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 10:02 am

    About the Alpha Male by Alexander Fox


    Alpha men love women who are independent, sassy and obviously have their own rich lives going on. They also love women who are willing to go
    toe-to-toe with them – as long as they win in the end.

    But you must be willing to take that one step further and actually walk away from the alpha male if he is too resistant to commitment. By being willing to walk
    away, you might find that he notices you even more.

    After all, he’s about to lose the prize! If you walk away, the chase is over, and that means he LOST.

    And the alpha male HATES to lose. When he realizes that you are actually willing and able to walk away, it might trigger an intense response in him. One of those “I can’t let her get away!” responses.

    A man who realizes he is about to lose the woman he might be falling in love with is a very changed man. By simply walking away, you might spark the REAL relationship you have wanted from him.

    On the other hand, an ultra-cool alpha male might cut his losses and move on. That’s a possibility that you have to consider when you start dating him.

    But if he DOES move on and let you go, then it means he wasn’t into you in the first place, and it might be a very good thing that he set you free. Now you can look for another man who will respect you and give you all the things you need.

  401.  #401Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 10:02 am


    He wasn’t supposed to give it to me last night, but after the movie and diner, I drove him back home (I know… but time was tight as he was working and had asked me to pick him up at the train station so we had time for both movie and diner).

    He asked if I wanted to come in for a few minutes, I couldn’t stay because I had a babysitter at home waiting, he knew that.

    He had left the Pandora bag in the entrance and I saw it and pretended I didn’t be he noticed and said I could open it now.

    We went upstairs to cuddle in bed and I opened it. It’s a beautiful bead with hearts all around and a gold heart engraved. The other hearts are black. He then said, if you don’t like it you can exchange it. I said no, I love it. then I said ‘to be honest, the black hearts scare me’ and THEN he lost it a little and pulled away. Then I said, no I want to keep this one because you chose it for me, it’s special.

    Then I had to go after a cuddle and L words.

    I had a bad feeling driving home.

    This morning he called to cancel the weekend (not make the reservation he asked me to do because he didn’t have time today being in a conference till late and all day).

  402.  #402Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 10:03 am

    @388 Siren Angel – what is he unsure about? The trip?

    Sometimes guys feel really insecure when they try to do something for you or give something to you, and you don’t receive it with the elated joy they were anticipating.

    Guys like it when you feel thrilled with their actions and gifts, so it’s important that you try to convey that.

    (I made the mistake of not acting thrilled when Jack CD did something really sweet for me the other day. I’ve never seen him angry. It was kind of hot, because it showed he cared about my reactions…)

    It seems like he is talking about YOUR insecurity quite a bit, so it is likely that he is feeling insecure.

    So, here’s some questions to ask yourself:

    A. How did you really feel about the gift? Did you feel shocked? Did you feel like it was too much?

    Ask him what he wanted to communicate with the gift. Ask him how he would’ve preferred you to respond.

    Tell him that you feel bad that it made him feel insecure. Tell him that it feels so sad to see him feeling insecure.

    Tell him how you really want him to feel. Do you want him to feel good? Validated? Manly? Tell him how you want to make him feel.

    Tell him how YOU feel.

    “I so sad that you feel unsure. I feel sure about YOU!”

    (Keep it mind, he may be feeling the subconscious uncertainity that your vibes are sending out.)

  403.  #403Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 10:04 am

    @388 Siren Angel – I have no idea if that made any sense, but it’s what I first thought of. Let me know how you feel about it…

  404.  #404Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Iamabutterfly it is not hypocritical. It is something Rori actually recommends – you can continue dating but he can’t. I encourage you to cdate. When you do there will be guys that you don’t particularly feel a pull towards. Those are the guys that I feel comfortable sharing anything with so I can get to share my truth in a non-scary way.

  405.  #405Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 10:09 am

    I want to tell M:

    Vulnerability and Insecurity are two very different things to me… I feel vulnerable yes, but definetely not insecure (quite the contrary actually). I feel very confused about our conversation this morning and I sense your fear. Girls feel fear too. I was afraid. But right now I sense mostly YOUR fear.

    I feel an amazing amount of love for you, but I can’t do this anymore. It is not about my ‘insecurity’ (not true, sorry). It is about the way you are treating our relationship and how I feel.

  406.  #406Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Siren Angel it is my opinion that he might have experienced you as being dishonest. First you said you liked it, then you said “to be honest”……… How can he trust you if tell him you were not honest with your first response? I believe he was getting ready to defend himself in the event that you lost it. Maybe a left over trigger from a previous relationship – it was about his stuff.

    Another lesson to “choose your words”

  407.  #407Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 10:11 am

    @397 Femine Woman – Oh my word, I LOVE THIS. Feels very helpful. Thanks! 🙂

  408.  #408Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

    402 feels blamey and making him wrong.

  409.  #409Tiffany on February 15, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Wow. I had all kinds of thoughts I thought I wanted to post here. But now I sit down to write, and it all just kind of floats away….

    I disagree that it’s “not okay” to say happy Valentine’s to someone you like. That’s what Valentine’s day is for, right?? I mean, in general, I was in lean-back mode all day, taking care of myself, and receiving the little things that came my way. But I also sent out a few little messages. And I got nice responses. I don’t think there was any “damage” done.

    The only “damage” occurred with H. I told him I didn’t understand his message from yesterday. He said he liked me. And I said okay. Then he asked me if I was home. He always does this: He asks me if I am home, what I am doing. He says he is driving home from the city (meaning he is passing by my town). All of this seems to imply that he has an idea to come and see me. But it never goes that way.

    Last night, it turned out that he had been in the city, keeping a friend company for Valentine’s day. It was late for him, as he usually goes to bed early. And I felt so jealous – that he would make time for a friend, to keep her company, just like that. And yet, while he professes to “care about me” and to “like me.” He literally NEVER shows up for me (and ESPECIALLY on a day like Valentine’s). He texts me occasionally. THAT’S IT.

    And when he does, he gets me all wired up, thinking that “this time” he’s going to come see me. But then he backs down. and when he does, he makes it my fault – it’s because “we always fight” (meaning I start fights with him). Or because of my sexual issues. Or because “he wants me too much” (he can’t control himself, so he’d rather stay away.)

    All of this puts the onus on ME for HIS actions and decisions. It is SO unfair, and ALSO untrue. HE makes his decisions. HE decides not to see me. And it has NOTHING to do with me.

    I’ve told him that I don’t have time for men who are afraid. I only have time for men who are willing to see me in person. (oh, yeah, and he had the balls to ask me for a picture last time he contacted me. as if!!)

    He laughed. he texted back, “lol. good morning.”

    Whenever I am serious about myself and what’s best for me, HE LAUGHS. Maybe he doesn’t know how to deal with other people’s boundaries. His behavior reminds me of everything that bothers me about my parents, only more intense, more grating, and more inoperable. Yet, I get the feeling he WON’T leave me alone. That as many times as I ask him to leave, to stop contacting me, and to leave me alone for good, he will be back – at least by text, if not in person.

    But I was serious. If he can’t take me seriously, then I have to take myself seriously. If he’s not making a move to come see me next time, then I have ZERO time for him, ZERO patience, and ZERO tolerance. Because I do NOT tolerate bad behavior, and I won’t spend time with someone who doesn’t respect what is important and real to me.

    We are obviously not on the same page. He’s stuck in that first meeting we had, which was like time-out-of-time. I think I was someone else then. Or maybe I was me. I was play-acting at Siren, and he bought it. The “real me,” he can’t deal with her. And I’m not sorry for that.

    But I want someone who is willing to love and interact with the “real me” – who is not sireny all the time. Who says cranky things in the morning. And who doesn’t want someone to do everything for me every second of every day. I want to do stuff, too. I want a PARTNERSHIP – not a one-way relationship, where I am simply on the receiving end of everything. Call me crazy or unsireny, but that’s what I want. And that’s what I believe I can have, if I am true to myself.

    That was a lot – I hadn’t planned to write any of it. But it felt good.

    And now it’s off to my new job! My boss seems a little bit crazy. Wish me luck! lol

  410.  #410Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 10:25 am

    @402 Siren Angel – I definitely would not respond well to this, as a woman, and I suspect that a man would respond even less well.

    Maybe something like

    “I feel confused. I want us to both feel good. It would feel good to go on this trip. What could we do to make that happen? What do you think?”

    And then, really listen to how he is feeling and what he is thinking.

  411.  #411Laughing Goddess on February 15, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Oh, I just remembered something else about yesterday that felt really great. On the little card that came with my flowers, sweetie wrote “You are the love of my life”.

    Awww, my heart feels all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

    🙂 🙂 🙂

  412.  #412Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 10:27 am


    Did I understand right that he asked you to cancel the reservation because he’s busy to do it himself?

  413.  #413Tiffany on February 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

    p.s. why do I believe everything people tell me is a lie?….

  414.  #414Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 10:32 am


    Does your conversation need to happen today? Do you want it this way? Doooyu feel like taking time off to sink into your feelings? After all, your vacation is cancelled already. He spoke his mind. What’s the rush?

  415.  #415Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Last thing I would do would be trying to convince or even discuss how secure or insecure I am. Or for that matter having more talks after my cancelled vacation. Is there anything new you are going to hear?

    Don’t know your situation well enough , I may be wrong.

  416.  #416Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

    @406 Tiffany: “Then he asked me if I was home. He always does this: He asks me if I am home, what I am doing. He says he is driving home from the city (meaning he is passing by my town). All of this seems to imply that he has an idea to come and see me. But it never goes that way.”

    Whoa. First of all, how did you answer him? Did you say “Yes, I am home, and it would feel good to see you?”

    Also, are you sure he’s blaming you? Ask yourself if you really might start the fights, at least in his eyes.

    If you start your interactions feeling frustrated with him for not visiting, he is going to feel that frustration, which might feel like an unspoken fight to him.

    Men like to feel welcome and accepted, and it’s likely that he’s not feeling that from you.

    About the sexual issues or of “wanting you too much” have you talked to him about physical boundaries?

    Maybe it would feel better to him if you guys took things slower physically. Men can lose respect for you if you give yourself away physically too soon in their eyes.

    Talk to him about it. Ask him what you can do to make him feel comfortable and not sexually tempted.

    Also, you may want to ask yourself: “how seriously am I taking myself?”

    Do you say one thing to yourself and then do another?

    I have no idea, of course. Just some thoughts…

  417.  #417Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Siren Angel I honor him for this “He says it would be hypocritical of him to go away with me this weekend, because he feels it in his d$ck, his heart, but not in his gut!!!”

    He is being honest here. He is honoring his feelings. I would thank him for this. Some guys would take you on the trip and break up with you the day after.

    I believe your message about the insecurity is inauthentic. The number of times you mentioned about his match profile suggests to me that you feel insecure about his feelings toward you and that he is not devoted about you. The comments about the facebook pics with the kid and the speculation about the woman shows insecurity and bordering on stalking him to control his actions. I believe he felt the insecurity in your vibe so disagreeing with him would likely confirm his fears about you. I also imagine that the insecurity spilled out somehow in your words and he might have caught it.

    I would agree with him and thank him for telling you about the insecurity and let him know that you are going to look at your feelings to get clarity for yourself. He has to understand that even though you feel insecure you still love and accept yourself.

    With all that you have said in the last few days, suggesting that you are not feeling insecure is suggestion that there are parts of yourself that you have still not accepted. As such he knows deep down that you would not fully accept him.

    If you are not the siren who changed her name from Lolita please ignore the above.

  418.  #418Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 10:50 am

    RE 412 Good point. All our talking usually don’t work to convince men about anything. They feel what they need in our vibe and they see what we mean by our actions.

  419.  #419Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Siren Angel ” I saw it and pretended I didn’t ….”

    Rori says we can pretend “anything” with men. They are sensitive too. When we pretend we lose. I encourage you to really check in with yourself to see where all the pretense about your feelings come from. The pretense seems to be coming up all over your comments, especially around the gift. His insecurity might be based in the fact that the pretense is causing him to feel that he can’t win with you because you are not being authentic. I struggle with this one myself.

    If you feel disappointed about not beng to go on the trip then that is what I believe you should be sharing. I would not tell him I feel an amazing amount of love for him, I suspect he would not believe you at this point. The vibe feels like that of the convincer to me so he might naturally resist.

    If you want things to work out because you are afraid of losing him, I would tell him that. If you want to feel safe and solid in a relationship so you can melt all over the man then tell him that. If you feel jealous about his profile being up on match because of the gremlins in your head, tell him that. You are a girl with a lot of feelings and I am sure he can understand that as long as you don’t blame him or hold him responsible for those feelings.

  420.  #420turquoise on February 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Daria, I feel like the roses could be for the girls… my negative voices are saying maybe he wanted to order them pink and they didn’t have any… so he sent the red instead. They are so gorgeous though…. I’m enjoying no matter who they were intended for.

  421.  #421Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Iamabutterfly, I like 407. Much more simple.

  422.  #422Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

    In any case, taking a few days off to rest, take care of yourself, enjoy the silence and the chance to learn things about yourself and what you want never hurts. If he asks, a short explanation that you need time for yourself and wish him a nice weekend is sufficient in my opinion.

  423.  #423lk on February 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

    i have been feeling really upset the past few days. I’m on hormonal birth control pills. I’m menstrual (i have PMS the day before & the first few days of bleeding…). I just quit smoking (7 days). & I haven’t been drinking coffee (5 days). Plus I’m sick-ish & have been having a stressed 2 weeks at work.

    ok, so those sound like “excuses” & they are. but they’re the Context, at least in the story the way *I* perceive it. i realize that these things are not also happening to the people around me. I may or may not be the only person in a 2 mile radius that feels somewhat of an emotional zombie apocalypse has occurred. however, i suspect that by far i am not. i suspect that actually many humans are very upset.

    how wrong am i for expressing this upset ? what are the boundaries for my own self-expression?

    i feel fine crying all day occasionally (1x/year maybe).

    am i strange ? am i cr8zy ? am i being insensitive to the people around me ?

    i feel very curious & would feel so grateful for any feedback on this.

  424.  #424Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 11:07 am

    @418 Siren Angel – True story! Sometimes I get a little too wordy…

  425.  #425Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:09 am

    RE 418/421 I am feeling a bit concerned about an investment in going on the trip rather than being authentic.

  426.  #426Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 11:10 am

    FW, Yes, formerly Lolita.

    Thank you, your comments inspire me.

    You are right, I am very insecure and a little frantic, and he must have sensed it.

    I did pretend to not see the Pandora bag at first and sort of ran upstairs but stopped in the stairs, and when he said ‘oh no, you saw it?’ I said ‘yes, I was trying not to, but I did.’

  427.  #427Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:12 am

    lk it sounds like a lot of things happening that could affect the chemical balance of your body.

    Possible nicotine/caffeine withdrawal, estrogen and cortisol flooding. I would not be surprised if you are feeling like a cry baby and stressed.

  428.  #428lk on February 15, 2012 at 11:13 am

    hormones….. feel like lightning heat creeping around & then rooting in & then expanding. it’s cr8zy. men do not know.

    is this normal ? does this sound familiar to women ??

  429.  #429Iamabutterfly on February 15, 2012 at 11:13 am

    @420 lk – I feel sad that you’re having such a rough time, but it is completely understandable! You are NOT strange or crazy!

    I personally am choosing to not take the birth control pill when I become sexually active with my husband (yep, I’m old-fashioned like that.)

    While it is mostly for personal reasons, you may want to read up on it:

    I’ve never been a smoker, but I KNOW that has to be extremely difficult!

    I DID quit caffeinated coffee, and it was (and sometimes still is) the hardest thing I have ever done!

    You are taking care of yourself, and your body is going to withdrawal at first.

    Be patient with yourself!

    You are doing great! 🙂

  430.  #430Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 11:19 am


    He asked me to MAKE the reservation last night (we had talked about it the week before) because he doenst have the time to make it (intense work in the next few days), which I did (make reservation early this morning), and then asked to cancel this morning.

  431.  #431lk on February 15, 2012 at 11:20 am

    oh, fw. a cry-baby indeed.

    is there any way to address this after the fact ?

    CD & i have made our way through it & it hasn’t been that bad…. but last night, he started talking about “Controlling My Emotions”…. like, obviously tired of the Tears…… even though i have actually maintained my vibe up & felt core calm….. but a ton of mini-storms & things that felt at times like Drama….

    anyway, i want to say something like…. i feel grateful that you have been so patient & grateful for this chance to see how supportive you can be when i’m feeling At Sea in my feelings… Drowned… or Floundering at least……

    but i also feel a bit defensive, like explaining… like… well, there were extenuating circumstances, blah blah blah…

    & also actually, like i said, i feel grateful & feel closer… though i do feel a bit distanced because i’ve behaved a bit tantrum-y & that is embarrassing & a “bxner-kxll” as they say lol…. though i loved myself unconditionally through all my tears, even when being told that there is value in learning to Control or Master Emotions…

    humbug. i’m still feeling turmoil, storm, upheaval…

    but in my center, strong & lovely.

    i want help.

  432.  #432Laughing Goddess on February 15, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Lk, wow! That is a lot for your body to handle. No wonder you are feeling sensitive.

    The good news is the nicotine and caffeine withdrawal will probably pass soon. You made it through the hardest part and it will get easier from here I suspect.

    I personally can’t take BCP. They mess with my hormones way too much. Are you committed to taking them? Is there another option?

  433.  #433Sondra on February 15, 2012 at 11:23 am

    I had so much fun on my date with Match last night! We exchanged cards and he gave me a teddy bear/ballons (Flowers the day before at work) and I did my very best to gush and be girly – I think it worked! We had big fun and laughed a lot. He knows I struggle with switching gears from my boy energy that I need at work and my girly energy that I want to display with him – I think I am getting better and being honest with him about how hard it is for me really helps, especially when I giggle . . .

    I appreciate everyone’s comments on the blog. Because of you Sirens, I did not go over the top on V-Day and give him a bunch of stuff like I wanted to . . . My instincts told me to fill up a bag with all sorts of fun stuff for him, but you all helped me control those urges and I think the card was perfect.

    Im learning that being a “giver” means I should give him my true feelings and open up my heart to him, not GIVE him everything under the sun to try to make him fall for me and lose myself in the process. Wow – wish i had known that sooner . . .

  434.  #434Starla on February 15, 2012 at 11:25 am

    lk, omg, BC made me literally suicidal. i can’t take the pill.

    What you’re experiencing is normal. It feels embarrassing and lonely when we feel this way, stressed, hormonal, quitting addictions, and we also have interact with our men and we don’t know how much weakness we should show them.

  435.  #435Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Some men are open to taking responsibility for BC. It should not be assumed that it is the woman responsibility. It is a subject that can be discussed because both people benefit from the good of it.

  436.  #436Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:32 am

    lk I believe you can tell him how you feel and that you are going to take care of yourself. Then leave and go to another room to be with yourself, even while he is there.

  437.  #437Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 11:33 am

    CurvySiren @395, Thank you.

    I am unsure now if I should be confident, insecure or just vulnerable and open.

  438.  #438lk on February 15, 2012 at 11:34 am

    iamabutterfly, starla, laughing goddess, femininewoman – thank you. i really appreciate the feedback.

    the main thing that feels really painful to remember – though i forgive myself & love myself unconditionally – is that we were invited to dinner with a married couple & when we went i cried through the whole thing. i had made mention to them that i felt emotional (started crying during pineapple express ? yeah.. normal…) & then at a moment when CD had gotten up i repeated to them, “it’s so lovely for you to have invited us & i apologize for crying… it’s just one of those days, i guess ! ”

    but cd said later that he wished we hadn’t gone & that he wished we’d left when i started to cry. that feels really bad…. but i don’t know. he said it would likely be received as feedback on their hospitality.

    i feel afraid of this. i don’t want to hurt or embarrass humans.

  439.  #439Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

    To be more clear, M said that it,s not because I agreed to exchange it if I didn,t like it, it’s because the black enamel hearts on it scared me. I told him I don’t like black in hearts. One of them is in gold though and it’s a special edition bead.

  440.  #440lk on February 15, 2012 at 11:36 am

    also, he said it felt like airing our dirty laundry in public. yuck

  441.  #441Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

    RE 434 SA I am trying to get your attention towards authenticity – whatever that looks like. These feelings can only be communicated if they are authentic. If you are unsure it tells me that you don’t know what you are feeling.

  442.  #442Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Siren Angel I am convinced that he might not be able to express exactly what he is sensing. Sometimes these things are unconscious but they are there.

  443.  #443Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Yeah I understand everyone is right, Lolita may not be secure enough and it’s all very legit, though his profile is still up, but if I was asked to make reservations and then cancel reservations 2 hours later for all the right reasons, no doubt, I’d feel so hurt and abandoned. The fact that I’d still try to keep my head up and fight this wave would make me feel that I’m stronger than I think (or some other people may think).

  444.  #444CurvySiren10 on February 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

    434: Siren Angel,

    “I am unsure now if I should be confident, insecure or just vulnerable and open.”

    You should only be who and what you authentically feel. Anything else will be felt by him as insincere. You need to take the time to figure out what you really DO feel and how you are going to deal with those feelings. Only then will M. feel your vibe shift. It never works when it comes from a place of trying to figure out how you “should” be.

    Keep talking through it here. There are so many valuable resources to draw from.

  445.  #445Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:48 am

    lk I don’t think you need to be worried. They might receive it that way but I am sure the female partner understands the emotional stuff, many men don’t. But it depends on the depth of their own relationship and how feelingy the woman is. You were loving yourself right where you were. Your cd experienced it the way he did and as a mature man expressed that. He is entitled to.

  446.  #446Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Yes Memulo but I don’t see an admission to feeling abandoned, or anything about looking forward to the trip and now angry because it is being cancelled. Siren Angel sorry but it seems you are tiptoeing around your true feelings. Why keep your head up and fight the wave? You are a girl and are entitled to sinking in and feeling your feelings.

  447.  #447lk on February 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

    aw, eff it. if cd feels embarrassed, that’s his business. i feel a little embarrassed, but not really. i’m a woman & i’m a crying woman. i cry. i cry a lot. i’m beautiful & strong & when i cry, it doesn’t mean anything about me except for that i’m crying. just like if i’m running, it doesn’t mean i’m afraid.

    i feel good about myself & my feelings & i feel proud that i weathered the storms & didn’t turn to reliable crutches like nicotine. thank you, lk. i love you.

    i feel good about the married couple too ! next time i see them, i’ll just smile & be so happy to see them, & say, ” awww i felt a little embarrassed to be so teary-eyed at dinner the other night…. i swear, sometimes my body & my feelings join forces & i just can’t rein it in : )… ” & i can even say, “yes, i just quit smoking actually : ) ” & i think that most people know that it’s difficult to do that & have compassion, although i certainly don’t want to “Make Excuses” for my actions.

  448.  #448lk on February 15, 2012 at 11:56 am

    awwww ((((fw)))) thank you for this

    “Your cd experienced it the way he did and as a mature man expressed that. He is entitled to.”

    i love it. i love being reminded that i love him as his own strong self & not as a trellis for my own growth. thank you.

    however, i do feel so grateful for how he can help me to grow…. & lead in such surprising ways ! & i love the idea that i do not have to compete either. that feels freeing.

  449.  #449Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    lk your comments about your crying reminds me of a woman in my life who I have known practically all my life. She cries at the drop of a hat even in public. It seems it takes nothing for her to cry. I have experienced her all these years as a very soft feminine woman. People constantly refers to how ladylike she is. Her husband talks about how hard it is to interact with women who are in masculine energy. She has a very strong relationship with her husband and he literally worships her. She is one of my role models as far as relationships are concerned. Thanks for reminding me of her.

  450.  #450Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Crying now.

    I feel lost and dissapointed and SOOOO confused. How can he change his mind so fast?

    I feel sad and dissapointed and honestly not very safe with this man.

    He also has bagage from his ex wife he keeps bringing up. I’m really not sure he is ready for this anyway.

    How I feel?


  451.  #451Starla on February 15, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Laaaadieeesss, I fell short by a few dollars last pay period on my savings/budget goals, but this pay period, I BEAT it by $75 bucks!!! I am going to for sure take myself to the spa this weekend. I can so enjoy these nice things if I am just conscious about my spending. Weeee.

  452.  #452lk on February 15, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    i want to say, ” i thought more about the Crying at Dinner thing….. & thank you for sharing your perspective…. it helps me to feel more understanding of you & of other men….. : ) …… & i also want to share that after meeting my feelings & really examining my beliefs…. i feel safe in the way that i expressed my feelings …. & i feel good to see them again & not like i broke a Rule or anything…. ”

    & i also want to say something like, hmm i love to hear about your feelings…. & honestly i love my feelings. all of my feelings…. even the “bad” ones… teach me things about myself & about my beliefs about the world…. & i feel really lucky & blessed that i have reached a place where i love myself so much & can hold myself in so much grace….. that i accept & embrace my emotional state, though it might look “messy” or even “counter-productive”……

    i’m so afraid of getting into an Abyss Battle where we try to be Right & try to out-logic each other about esoteric things. that sounds silly. let’s not.

    i don’t need to be Right… but i do need to be Allowed to be Expressive. but that’s not being threatened. he said many times, yes, express yourself. no, i don’t think i’m better than you at controlling my emotions. no, i’m not saying you shouldn’t have cried. etc. etc. etc.

    forget about the feelings Thing, lk. now, it’s just a World of Conversation : ) yes. it’s just like the Heaven thing lol. more to talk about.

  453.  #453lk on February 15, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    awww thank you femininewoman. yes, i’m a cryer too! i have cried through entire meetings at work. i just cry ! oh well. thank you for showing me a way to love myself more deeply : )

  454.  #454Emoticon on February 15, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Hey I hope all sirens enjoyed their valentines day!!

    I spent valentines day alone for the most part. For a short while in the afternoon my best friend/roommate was at home and so were her boyfriend and stepson (who I can my godson).

    I decided to bake my godson a valentines day cake and cupcake. The cake came out okay but the cupcakes got burned n i actually ended up expressing my disappointment about that to one of my CDs because he noticed something was wrong when we talked. He offered some comfort. I laughed about it with my company though because they always joke about my mistakes in the kitchen.

    My friend showed me her presents and shared the edible ones with me. When they were leaving though i felt a wave of loneliness come over me and i felt tears coming so i walked around the house a little bit and then decided to go put on makeup then put some music on and belt out the songs into my microphone (aka my tall lamp stand).

    Yesterday was my other CDs birthday and so I called him because he had specifically asked that I call him for his birthday and said thats all he needed to make his day. Later when he called he was so happy that my mother had wished him happy birthday and facebook and joked about me not telling him happy birthday on facebook….. so I made a joke by posting his picture on facebook with the description “Happy Valentines and Happy Birthday you big headed Cupid-wannabe” (a little joke of ours, since i always joke about him having a big head)

    He called yet again at night before he went to study. My other CD was supposed 2 come spend the night but said he had a lot of homework and had to be up early for morning workouts so i said “i wish i had known that earlier, I hate waiting up with expectations for nothing” and he apologized and asked me to come spend the night at his place next time because of his workouts. I figured it was a good compromise so i told him i liked that idea and then i just retired to bed lol.

    I liked my valentines day….

  455.  #455Emoticon on February 15, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    lk, i love your story, and also feminine woman, the story about that lady who is your role model. They both remind me of my mother and grandmother who cry even when their children do something they are not happy about. I used to think it was funny growing up although i cried a lot. But i grew up and I realize i STILL cry a lot. Last week i watched Titanic with a CD n cried at least three times during the movie (although i believe its only natural to cr during titanic) But what I’m trying to say is I completely understand hwo they manage to cry.

    lk it is definitely not something to be ashamed of. Its a natural response. Its YOUR AUTHENTIC response and I LOVE IT about you, other sirens, my mother, my grandmother and myself. Its real…. and u def can’t beat being real!

  456.  #456Emoticon on February 15, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    and also lk, i like how you called yourself a crier. The town in St.Lucia where I came from, there was always one lady who was called the town cryer. Not because she cried but she would be the one to let the whole town know about any bad news or any neighbours who may need help, and in a timely fashion too she would really get the word out in a matter of minutes. It was a very distinguished role and I used to think I would have grown up to be the town cryer….. However development in our country had sort of eliminated the role of the “town cryer” because everyone has cellphones now. lol….. not completely related but i just thought it was cool

  457.  #457Emoticon on February 15, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I dont come here often enough…. I miss u Starla! Your anti-valentines date sounded fun…. and funny lol

  458.  #458Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I want to return the Pandora bead to him.

    How do you think he will react? Will it insult him even more? How can he give me a gift with hearts and then the next day do this?

  459.  #459Emoticon on February 15, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Siren Angel….. you do not want it anymore?

  460.  #460Dominique on February 15, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Turquoise – #417 – Sweetheart, I said before somewhere earlier, and I will say again, those red roses are meant for you and only you. Okay?

    Say shush to those gremlin voices.


  461.  #461Starla on February 15, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    lk, you’ve inspired me today to consider crying more in front of others and with less shame, especially in front of CF.

    Thank you:)

  462.  #462Dominique on February 15, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    sorry #420 Turquoise

  463.  #463Starla on February 15, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Siren Angel, that is probably coming from a place of urgency and a need for control right now. Before returning the bead, or talking to him about anything, I would focus on 1. doing something very loving and nice for yourself and taking care of you and 2. Starting to Circular Date.

    Keep every single gift a man gives you. 😀 You are so worth it.

  464.  #464Dominique on February 15, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Siren Angel – This might help you gain some clarity around your man.


  465.  #465lk on February 15, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    i can also say, sorry baby, about being so sensitive… & confusing & confused… that must feel tiring to feel called again & again to react to something that feels Imaginary or Unpredictable…. i felt overwhelmed….. by a lot of strange & new things…. that feel like 1-time experiences to me…….. & i so appreciated having some safe space to explore those feelings as they arose….

  466.  #466lk on February 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    NO i am not explaining myself. he knows what i’ve been going through. i can apologize if he says he feels hurt. i’ve already said “sorry” for being sensitive & sad “at” him – though i do want him to know that i really believe he is amazing & wonderful. yum.

  467.  #467Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Dominique @464, Thank you. I think he may actually be FEEDING my insecurities to control me… interesting. Just read it and will read again. I am wondering if he is capable. He is so traumatized by his ex-wife, maybe he likes to keep me at arms length. It is like he keeps putting more barriers. Last one basically makign me understand that he WANTS to spend the weekend with me, but has too much respect for me, because it would only be for SEX. I think he is now seeking my approval for me to be sex for him only.

  468.  #468Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Dominique, Intersting fact: he is a neuro-psychologist. He knows how anxiety works. Anxiety is his SPECIALTY.

  469.  #469Silver-Tongued Siren on February 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm


    I am sad.

    So before the wknd when I saw MILW, I was so busy/happy I hardly noticed he was here. He kissed me twice affectionately on the lips (the first time I avoided it).

    I must’ve talked to him after that, he told me a female friend of his that I’ve met before, old partier, was coming in town the weekend and they were going out (I am pretty sure platonically..) I felt sad that he didn’t want to spend wknd with ME. or be home.
    Sat he texted me she wanted a massage and he really wanted her to feel my healing touch. I tried to make it work but it was too rushed as i was out of town and trying to figure out car probs (that he didn’t bother to find anyone to help for.. thanks). and visiting people. I told him I wasn’t going to make it in time and I was exhausted already and still had more to do. We couldn’t do it Sun morn cause they were going out partying again that evening and would be sleeping not to mention having been drinking. (i felt sad again, he wouldn’t rather spend his time with me).

    Sunday morning he asked if baby saw snow.

    Sunday evening (after BF left – and he knows this I’m sure), I texted back. (maybe this is why his delay on texts? because I’ve been delaying mine?)…
    expressed appreciation that he thought of baby, responded I love when we get along also, sent him pics of baby.

    So I did respond to MILW’s text the other day (Feminine Woman)… er – rather, I started to- a few hours after he sent “Thank you I love all the pix of our little man. He’s getting so big! How was your weekend”.. I was texting when he called me.
    So I shared on the phone…

    I had such a busy weekend! I felt so loved!! our mutual guy friend helped a lot this week, someone offered to help me put in a new battery (which I hadn’t yet gotten), then BF showed up and immediately started checking out the car.. and offered to buy a battery but before we could, someone else bought one for me and left it at the house. BF picked me up and drove me to (his fam’s town) and back, went out to dinner a few times, lots of gifts for baby and I.. etcc I just felt really loved and surrounded by good company, good friends. etc.

    the energy felt like he felt a little taken aback – surprised I was so happy or maybe a bit sad actually..missing me.

    he expressed gladness about me feeling good.

    he asked “who bought you a battery”? I said a name –
    he said “from such and such band?” I said yes (we don’t hang out with him.. he just wanted to help someone as he’d been blessed with extra money from tithing but I didn’t say this to MILW, maybe I should have because I wish he’d have more faith in God for financial things.)

    anyway I think he was really surprised.

    He called me twice more that afternoon! until we got interrupted by a call and he said “i’ll call you back” – he used to NEVER GET OFF THE PHONE for another call – maybe take it and get right back to me but NEVER get off the phone!)
    Well he didn’t call back. That felt disappointing and I was sad that I wasn’t more important or that he didn’t want to talk to me more. But before this I was happy that he had called twice. Normally (before this “space” thing where he now not here) he calls me or texts me several times throughout the day to check in or get something.

    I asked if he’ll spend time w/baby thurs so i can do a study I’ll make $25 for. he said yes if work schedule works- he has to check.

  470.  #470Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Starla, I am thinking of reactivating my match profile. But it feels awful, because what I want is him and I want to inspire him to take HIS off of match! He hasnt even visited the site in weeks now.

  471.  #471Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 12:54 pm


    His ex wife is the completeness of an ice-queen, very controlling but sweet at the same time and very bossy but smooth tongued.

  472.  #472Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    RE 470 She might have learned to be that way because of the dynamics in the relationship. It takes two to tango and that might have been her way to stay sane and feel secure.

  473.  #473Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Siren Angel somthing just struck me. Do you see a reflection of yourself in her in any way? Is that what he is attracted to? Also can you see if she was like that and the relationship did not survive how that would affect you if you are like that?

  474.  #474Memulo on February 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm


    Yes, my post was more about the fact that we started from supporting his point, as accurate or inaccurate it was, but seemed to forget how it feels to a girl to be ‘played’ like this, even if not intentionally. Was he looking for flaws? Why would he give black hearts if he knew all too well she doesn’t like them? What kind of a gift is this? And any kind, normal and loving person would accept a Vday gift as is ‘because it was chosen by the one they love’. Isn’t that a normal honorable behavior? Why is it the reason to break up and not to praise and cherish her more? Does it have to be about the actual value or look of the gift or the fact that someone thought about you and took their time and effort to make you happy? I believe that Lolita’s attitude deserved at least respect.

  475.  #475Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 1:08 pm


    I feel like he looks for flaws CONSTANTLY – talking about how I reacted.

    Even this morning he was saying ‘because of my work… I don’t think it’s goign to work.’ he analyzes ME and EVERYTHING all the time. He over-processes every little detail.

  476.  #476Starla on February 15, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    SA, the best way to inspire a man to give you full exclusivity is to not give that to him yourself until he’s making you feel 100% secure in his exclusivity to you.

    You’re GORGEOUS. Go out there and get showered with affection. Laugh at how nervous you make these men with your good looks. Get your power back. There’s no reason to be so wrapped up in M. You’re intelligent, funny, sweet, and gorgeous.

    But you know me, advocating for CDing and leaning back like crazy:D. But only cuz it works great!

  477.  #477Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Memulo I feel confused.

  478.  #478Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 1:11 pm

  479.  #479Starla on February 15, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    “Even this morning he was saying ‘because of my work… I don’t think it’s goign to work.’ he analyzes ME and EVERYTHING all the time. He over-processes every little detail.”

    Sucks for him, since you’re the prize. NEXT, then.

    Rori has a speech for when guys tell you it’s not working out. You say, “you’re absolutely right, if you’re not fully in it, then we shouldn’t be exclusively seeing each other, thank you for being honest with me.”

    and then get out there and date like crazy

    100 francs says he comes crawling back 😀

  480.  #480Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    To me, the gold represents him, and the black hearts represent his 3 kids I can’t see anymore because ‘x-mas vacation’ did not go so well.

    Basically, now it’s just his D@ck that wants me.

  481.  #481Silver-Tongued Siren on February 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Sorry, I have to vent…


    He called me the next morning (yesterday, Vday) to say Happy Valentine’s Day!!! This made me feel good. . When he did call me I mentioned I felt sad he forgot to call me back.
    I think he forgot and said “what do you mean”. I said “we got interrupted by a call and you said you’d call back. ”
    he said “Oh yeah, it was (this guy’s house he’s been staying at).. I didn’t think we had anything else to talk about”
    (but he’s the one who said he’d call me back!)

    after this valentine’s day convo which was very nice actually,
    I texted as I found out that Thursday’s study was delayed so I asked if he could be with baby the following Thurs.

    Apparently he texted back immediately, YES, and said he really needed a massage, was i free around 4?

    I didn’t get these texts until hours later.

    I said “I have a day of (me)-love planned! I am not sure about a massage. but I am not feeling ready for company, I just stepped out of the shower.

    he called and left msg that that was okay, and he was heading “home”…. ugh. and call back if I wanted.

    I called and teased him a little bit and then offered to give him a massage if he would give me one. he said at this point I don’t think I will be coming over for that bc I have to be somewhere at 6:30. a “date” with a “friend” this point I started sharing sad bad feeling messages about him not being here, sharing valentine’s day, etcetc.

    we discussed our relationship, why he’s not here, how I don’t want what he wants and if only I could see the “beauty” in what he is trying to create, blahblah.
    I said he should be honest with himself and me, the only reason he is doing this with other people is because he felt unhappy in our rlsp and decided it would be easier to have sex with other people. he basically admitted it, but he’s always trying to make it sound really pretty and virtuous when it’s NOT. He just wants to f* around with other people because things got hard and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

    To me it seems so simple: I need to feel loved and important yet he isn’t fully checked in right now so won’t do the work. Yes I have not been able to succeed as well financially – due to severe stress while he was cheating on me, me leaving, living in my car/friends house for a while, finding out i was pregnant and laid off in the same day, cheating going on the entire pregnancy, (not home half the wk + wknd literally, and bringing her to our house, etc) and just generally tearing me down, constant criticism, being disrespectful infront of our daughter, which has hurt my rlsp with her.. cheating on me again last year, and not to mention having a baby which is far more work than I expected this time around since he is far busier and far more sensitive and not ready for me to be away than my other son (whom was adopted), and I nurse which means no sleep, extra energy and food to supply this milk, carrying a 35 lb baby around throughout the day (constantly picking up, feeding, etc). ughhhh
    if I could get more practical help and more safety and importance, I would feel better. but since he is not giving it to me and then blaming me for not being able to succeed and thrive under such difficult conditions, I have to find a way to give it to myself. which is what he thinks I should do in the first place!

    feeling frustrated now. angry. ugh.

    Anyway, he said he had to stop by to get some things. Our conversation felt awful after we discussed our rlsp “issues” and I was getting very upset. and a recurring statement, I expressed that I need more help with the baby or that he isn’t here like the kids need, etc I don’t know. whatever it was, he responded that he felt unappreciated, – because he provides the home I live in, etc etc.

    This has been a pattern – I say yes I am thankful for all of those things and I try to be appreciative of them already! But providing a house does not spend time nurturing our family, time with kids. Providing rent for a house does not HELP me afford childcare or provide someone who will watch the baby so I can WORK. He then always responds “I feel unappreciated” when I bring up the issue of needing help with these things. ?? Why does he say this?

    I finally said I don’t know why I’m even talking to you about this, the only reason I’m still on the phone is because I want to feel good with you. he agreed. we got off the phone.

    He came over later on to pick up the computer that I was using (it’s his work computer) and his external hard drive, bc his other laptop is in the shop for 5 days. he picked up some clothes too.

    i was very sad and a bit disconnected when he came. a little angry that he was even here actually, it hurts the baby every time to see him leave again. baby has been so clingy and difficult lately, needing so much extra love.
    he picked up the baby first thing…

    i asked who he’s going out with, i know i’m not supposed to but it’s not fair that I shouldn’t know anyway. esp since he asks me not to be secretive. he wouldn’t tell me bc “then I would tell them they’re not my friend etc” and I repeated, “. my “friends” and those who care about me or us would be sending him home to his family. he took one of the only bottles of wine left, which he bought. but it makes me angry that they are being spent on anyone but me.

    i was very sad. he gave me a chocolate bar that he “brought me” (he went and got it out of the car. he keeps a little stock of these esp around xmas and valentines to give to people as gifts, so i was not impressed. … it was the one he usually keeps for himself though. his favorite flavor.
    I was still sad but I thanked him for it, and hugged him tightly with baby in his arms. he hugged me a lot. he asked if I’d drank the rose’ he bought for me. I said no, not yet. he said maybe I could drink that and have the chocolate..
    I felt angry at the suggestion that I should drink wine alone and eat a chocolate bar that was just something he had on hand and there was no thoughtful gift for me, while he went out without me on valentine’s day and drank wine and had dinner with someone who I KNOW, and is not my friend. (and probably spent the night too. i don’t know. he didn’t text me till 11:30 this morning.)

    at some point we had conversation where I was angry.. I tried not to be. I told him he was really missing out. on what? I don’t remember what I said, but he said on “seeing the baby grow up and spending time with him, on your affection, your devotion,…” some other things. I said you’re missing out on a LOT more than that. he kept thinking. he looked thoughtful. he said yes.. i am missing out on a lot.

    he sat down and when I sat down he moved near me and cuddled me for a while. he hugged me. he put his face in my neck.

    I texted him that my son’s bio mom got him a new phone for his bday (he is with her right now) and fwded the number so he could tell him happy bday. Then I texted gratitude for all he does and I really got myself back in a space of faith and remembering how God is bigger than all of this.. I thanked him for sitting with me through my weakness, feeling upset and sad.. for comforting me, saying I see his love, and I love him with all my heart..and just tried to be grateful, sending him love. I don’t know if I should have sent that but it’s what I felt at the time.. and didn’t want him to go on with bad feelings about me.

    he responded this morning @ 11:30.
    He said “your words are kind and loving. Your sentiment nurturing and warm. Thank you for offering continued love” You are an angel!”

    this morning I was already feeling sad again.

    I responded later because I felt like we usually respond to each other immediately and I haven’t been, and it seems like he is backing off equally. he is outgirling me! hmm. I feel like he just replaces me with someone/something else?! I guess this is not 100% true..

    I texted though, and said ” i feel appreciated but not really wanted. I feel very glad to get your message, thanks for your love… Sorry to not respond quickly. I am just feeling not very important. Feeling very sad. feel like crying. .. hearing you say I am an angel makes me feel acknowledged and loved. <3<3"

    feeling unsteady today…

  482.  #482Siren Angel on February 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Starla, I know deep in my heart that when he sees my profile back up and thinks I am seeing other men (and I should) he will FREAK OUT. He’s not that gorgeous btw, short, sweet though and funny. You can see him on my FB friends. He like my post yesterday about Valentine’s, easy to find him. He’s much better looking in that pic. Also on my Timeline you can see a pic of us with the kids in Sept.

  483.  #483Femininewoman on February 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    RE 478 Yep. Agree with him. More power to you to circular date. We talk ourselves out of this because if the foolish unnecessary emotion – guilt.