Managing The Ups And Downs Of Love

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Today…I just wanted to be MOTIVATIONAL!

There are going to be ups and downs, bouncing around, feelings going from good to bad to good again, and things will happen you don’t expect.

AND you will continually be moving forward ANYWAY!

This is the whole thing I want you to know, even if it feels weird – if you’re doing the Tools, if you’re HEADING for and FOLLOWING the GOOD feelings, you’re moving FORWARD.

The results will come just by doing the steps.  Stay focused on the step and the Tool you’re doing, keep your vision of what you want clear in your mind, in your heart, in your body, and let the results show up.  You’ll be amazed.

I love this newsletter – I look forward to it in my box every day, it’s from – Mike Dooley, from the movie “The Secret” writes them as “Notes From The Universe.”  I loved this one today and wanted to put it into context of my philosophy and Tools and share it with you (I left in that it was written to me):

“Dear Rori,

If the following variables existed in a mathematical equation:

X = The end result in mind
Y = Manifestation
H = Hows (the cursed hows)
A = Action in the general direction of the end result

Please choose the equation that will make the most happen in your life, the fastest, with the least stress:

A. The End Result + Hows + Action = Manifestation
B. Manifestation + The End Result + Action = Hows
C. The End Result + Action = Hows + Manifestation
D. Action + Hows + Manifestation = The End Result
E. Eats Shoots + Leaves = Panda Energy

You may rest your hand,
The Universe

The answer was “C,” Rori, unless you’re a Panda. In plain English, if you have a dream and you physically move in its direction, I will arrange the hows, and the next thing you know… you and I will be bragging about your new unlimited spending account and perfect inner peace.”

So – this puts what we’re doing in a lovely and funny way – that there are only so many combinations of the pieces of how things come to be:  You can think about and dream about and visualize what you want (the “X”), you can take steps (Action), you can figure out “How” to make it all happen, and – the part where it becomes “real” and “happens” (Manifesting).

What Mike (the Universe) is saying here is that if you 1 – Visualize what you want, and 2 – take steps toward it, the HOW of it will suddenly make itself clear WITHOUT you even having to figure it out, and then – the RESULTS will just follow.

The really important part of this for me is that we get so hung up on the HOW of everything – we STOP ourselves.

We get all invested in “solving” our “problems” instead of focusing on our dreams and taking steps toward them.

I know it sounds weird – but the “Hows” really do get clear once you take small actions for yourself.  They really do.

Let me know how this is working for you in your life…Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Reshi on November 19, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    So, really, all we have to do is keep the end result in mind, take baby steps toward it, and let the Universe give us the How…that sounds easy enough.

    Of course, I know I easily fall into the trap of trying to mentally figure out the How. And that hasn’t really worked. Everything good that’s happened in my love life has NOT come about as a result of my analyzing, figuring out, and then going out to get it–I just created a mental picture of the kind of guy I wanted to meet, and then got myself on an online dating site, and then the How took care of itself and all of a sudden I was married.

    With that in mind, I could do the same thing about creating the kind of relationship I want–get a detailed mental picture of what that relationship would look like, keep it in mind, take actions that love myself and respect my husband, and let the How just fall into my lap the way it always does. Actually, the seminar that he and I attended over the past weekend came to me as a result of this kind of action–I was meditating/praying/intending for more love to come into my life, and when I was done I went to check my e-mail and there was a message from a friend about it. And somehow I just Knew that this was something I should explore.

    I know I’ve been in the ENERGY of “solving problems” for quite some time and it’s created more problems and made me feel more difficulty in my life, like I’m trying to climb up a mountain and my guy’s just standing there at the top, and I’m not even sure if he’ll still BE there when I get there.

    Now I just feel like I can put out the picture of what I want, relax, and surrender to it. I feel so much calmer and easier.

  2.  #2JP on November 19, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    The late Lyn Grabhorn wrote a wonderful book/audio series called ‘Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting’ on just this subject. I just love the title – I was introduced to it by an old friend and we both collapsed laughing, no words were needed, we understood exactly what Lyn meant.

  3.  #3Becca on November 19, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    JP – have you tried using the law of attraction and has it actually worked? I am curious as I’ve been hearing so much about it lately… I will be looking for this book at my local library next time I am there to see for myself. It sounds like a laugh =)

  4.  #4alias girl on November 19, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    i love positive thinking. changing my beliefs is really the crux of it all. i have come pretty far. i think dooley’s work coupled with rori’s work and seriously you could probably have the life of your dreams and then some. hahah i’ll let you know! i’ve been trying to keep my end results in mind and whenever i get triggered by my negative voice i recently have been using images that bring me joy and i concentrate on them and try to alter my brainwaves to get into a state of mind that is more what i want. it’s only been the last couple of days though i’ve been using this image work though. i was never able to do this before. my mind would usually just get hooked into the negative loop and i had no desire to focus on anything but my PROBLEM. it is amazing to see how far i’ve come in such a short time. thanks rori!

  5.  #5alias girl on November 19, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    oh so my foreign language guy called last night and i didn’t answer my phone. i had decided i didn’t want to pursue anything with him but wasn’t sure how i wanted to say it yet. so today he called my five times through the day. and each one i let go into voicemail except the last one bc i was done with work and i answered the phone and told him and there was an immediate Shift of his energy into a guy that i donLt think i would like very much. dude. you have a wide. but no, all of a sudden i was the one doing something to hurt him ugh. ugh. blech. ew. i didn’t even engage. i just said ok. then his energy shifted again and he said goodnight civally. i have had the weirdest experiences with men being waaay too interested in me without even knowing me lately. even after i tell them no thanks. really weird. but not very enjoayble.kinda scary actually. which is yet another reason i gravitate towards mr cool. il? doing godd though. even with zero men in my roation. i just keep thinking where i want to take myself onDATES! capital D! anyone have any experience with flying solo in a nightclub or large concert? those things kind of scare me alone but there a coule of event i wouldn’t mind taking my fine self to. but i’m afraid some man will find out i’m alone and do bad.

  6.  #6Bethany on November 19, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    I stumbled across this quote this evening, right after I read this post…I do not think it was an accident:

    “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself, and that now heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” –Paul Coelho, from his book The Alchemist

  7.  #7Maria on November 20, 2008 at 6:26 am

    Alias girl, I know exactly how it feels to go solo somewhere…I used to be sooo weird about that then I started with baby steps, I started going to a sports bar where an acquaintance (female) of mine works at then to the mall by myself a few times, then started going to a restaurant I happen to love by myself, and now I feel so comfortable with myself that as soon as I have a little bit of financial relief I will be going to concerts, plays and all that…it works good for me…maybe you can try…
    Reshi….I love it when you write I really absorb everything…thanks….Bless you all!

  8.  #8Reshi on November 20, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    Ugh…one day I’m not interested in sex, the next day I’m LONGING for it. And still not interested in pursuing it with any of the aforementioned men–they should come to me dammit! I guess these are the ups and downs of which Rori speaks. I’ve certainly felt like I’m on an emotional roller coaster, and maybe I could just get to enjoying the ride. So many people are telling me that I’m on the right track and doing the right things…but I don’t want to believe it myself. Something in my head wants to believe that I’m headed for oblivion no matter WHAT I do. Riffing…

    So yeah, Mr. Oblivion, I hear you, and Iove you too…there must be some kind of valuable lesson you have for me. I embrace the icky little gnome and wait for him to answer. He says “I protect you.” I say that’s all well and good but how on earth is it protective to tell me that I’m doomed? And he says “Make friends with the Abyss.” So I dive in headfirst to that swirling vortex of darkness and see what’s in there. Darkness, emptiness, solitude…and LOVE. Here in the abyss I feel loved and centered, I hold myself. My strength is here. Peace is here. I feel Anchored within myself and I love the safe space I have found in the abyss, and the courage it took me to dive into it rather than denying it. Oblivion’s not so bad after all, I can embrace it.

    But now I find myself in a dark underworld where people are closing in on me, people are out to get me, people are out to hurt me. They have razor sharp blades, instruments of torture. And they’re closing in on me, no escape. I hold still and open my arms to embrace them and then they don’t hurt me, they cluster around me in a group hug and I feel so loved. And I feel angry that I can’t feel loved out there in the world. And they say “Let US in first. Baby steps.” And I let them in to heal me, and I’m suddenly aware of a hole in my head through which my energy is ALWAYS going out towards my man. And I want to repair that hole, I want to Honor my boundaries, I want to keep my energy flowing over ME. And there’s a handsome male engineer in my head who helped me build a fountain in my Meadow before (and then helped me consecrate it but we won’t go into that ;D), and he draws up a plan and starts working on the repairs, and he loves me and his energy fills me up, and I love him and why shouldn’t I, he is a part of me even though he is a guy. And I feel whole and healed and that feels like happiness permeating the cells of my body.

  9.  #9alias girl on November 20, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    so married guy called me 2 more times late last night. i let it go to my voicemail and then checked thrm in the morning. people with poor boundaries do not feel good.

    today i picked up a one day side job to bring in some extra money. doesn’t sound like a big deal but it’s actually a pretty big baby step fot me. i am so accostomed to my routine of my life (though i totally want things to be different) that i don’t put out the effort to make changes. sometimes bc progress is so incremental in small ways that i convince myself the small changes won’t help. but the small changes do help. each time i pick up the phone to make an inquiry about a job or opportunity brings me closer to the changes that feel good. and sometimes even the phone calls are scary so i am building my courage muscles as well. i feel good. this side job completely is kinda ick. well not really. ONLY if i had to do it everyday. which thankfully i do for today it is totally awesome and perfect with the added benefit of having the day off from my usual job which is a bit unsatisfying. yae for me.good things. my ex and i are dipping our toes in the water w each other except for i’ve changed and he seems to be offering the same bit of not too much he was offering before.which is totally fine with me.i don’t have my heart set on him being my last stop in dating. if he is i would be happy. if he’s not i will be happy. bc i’m a supasta. :

  10.  #10Daria on November 20, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    Alias girl u r a supasta! I love you! Really I do feel a lot of love for you right now!

    My ex (one of them): same issue… went out his way to make plans on Friday to see me Sunday… I had to drive he has no car… instead did the thing he used to always do that drove me crazy, showed up with a friend. I shared feeling messages of anger and disappointed, he wanted to kiss me. Asked me to kiss him, I leaned back and held out my arms. He kissed me lightly and said I turned him on. I felt happy but then he tried to keep me around to hang out with him and his friend. I ditched him and friend in 30 seconds at earliest opportunity, driving off with my car door still open! Yay me! It was fun but felt boring.., I used to always have to do this with him. Guess he hasn’t changed… but I have. I am now requiring much more!

    Oh yes, I had surgery today, and got a metal plate out of my arm. I feel great! Part of it is me dancing around the tense areas in my body, even got me out of wake-up-too-early-ickiness and grogginess, which used to throw me off for half if not the whole day. I can massage the hurting parts by using my body to dance around them, even subtly. I danced in the recovery room. My recovery lasted about 15 minutes! I am feeling great. I feel like a goddess. I love myself. I feel so hopeful and proud and good.

    I want to see Rori post on nutrition and hormones (Rori tell us about hormones and the emotional/sex craving!!).

    I love Mama Gena’s book so far! It’s just like Rori teaches us, except it’s a different woman. Rori feels sweeter and gentler and Mama Gena feels more motherly and outrageous. Doing the exercise in Lesson 1 now of the School of Womanly Arts, I love the one that goes… I feel___ and it is RIGHT for me to feel this right now. It’s wonderful to tell myself and feel Right to feel anything, scared, happy, ashamed, tense in my teeth!

    Love you guys!

  11.  #11Caj13 on November 20, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    Going out solo – it’s great! I started doing that awhile back, when I suddenly rediscovered how much I love music. (Music being the artform that speaks the most directly to our emotions, later I realized it was actually that I was rediscovering FEELING.) So, at first I just went mostly to small, free concerts given by students or young professionals, then started finding local bars or restaurants with pass-the-hat acts – friendly, casual venues where you could sometimes meet the performers and it was fairly easy to chat with other people. No reservations, nothing fancy – it was easy and I felt comfortable right away.

    I began to get a real taste for going out alone -no hassles with other peoples’ likes and agendas, you’re free to decide at the last minute, change your mind in the middle, do 5 different things in one night (I have the good fortune to live in a large international city with tons going on and good public transportation), or…go off with someone you meet! Because that’s what happens when you’re by yourself: you meet new people, all kinds of people, which doesn’t happen when you have someone with you. And when you go back to the places you like, you start to see some of the same ones again or get recognized by the staff and feel safer and even better, which makes it easier to meet even more people, and then they often tell you about other good places and special events. What’s nice is when you go somewhere like that and run into a face or 2 you know a little from there, can have a few friendly words so don’t feel isolated or awkward, but aren’t tied to anything or anyone – feeling at ease and open to what’s going on and what could happen.

    I always choose things that I like for themselves, so I’m fine if I don’t meet anyone. From music (many different kinds), I got into folk dancing, which they often practice here in impromptu outdoor venues, artshow openings, film club projections (because you meet and talk about the movie), and then philosophical cafés – always lots of men there, regular guys not necessarily PhD’s – etc. Psychological and political cafés exist as well – there’s even a love café! (discussion + exercizes about relationships, sexuality and …love, of course, from tantra to Non Violent Communication). Personally, however, I find that movies, exhibitions and the theatre don’t lend themselves as well to going alone.

  12.  #12alias girl on November 20, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    you guys r so awesome! xoxo. i actually feel terrified right now and i’m not sure why. i just want to go to sleep. that’s my deafult. if i feel too scared i need to either lie down or sleep. i feel a fast beating heart. i feel eyes that feel like they are bing zapped by lightning bolts. i feel shallow breath. i feel a cry hiding in my throat. i feel a squished head. like it’s in a vice. i feel immobolized. i feel like a deer that just heard a gunshot. i feel a frozen face. ick. i love my terrorized self. poor baby girl. pouty lip. i love my poor little terrorized baby girl inside. tears. i don’t understand why she’s so scared but i love her and i am hear for her and i am not leaving her or judging her or forcing her to do things that are bad for her.bc i am alos firece mama bear and that is a fierce force to contend with. what in the heck is this feeling though? it is so intense in a non crying way. i’d rather be crying. i feel tired. i feel really really tired. i feel too tired to keep typing. supasta has run out of juice. i feel like my batteries have been disconnected from the system. i love my foggy tired self. argh i so need to stop typing. omg.

  13.  #13Cassandra on November 21, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    You guys are so awesome! You all have no idea how much of a ROCK each and every one of you are for me right now…..thank you for that and for being the awesome…inspiring….beautiful….amazing women that you all are! I love you guys.

    An update here….These last few days have been hell emotionally but in some ways I have seen change in me that I never expected to come at that particular moment and that in itself is great. I had to drive back to the city where I moved from to go and see one of my Dr’s there. Due to some past health issues that are totally fine now but I still have to see them all once a year 2 make sure- I am keeping all of my old docs cuz they all know me so well and what I went thru so anyway…. I had to drive 6 hours to my old city and stayed with one of my best friends and her family. That was awesome to see her and her family and for the first time really since right after moving here I felt safe and loved just for being me. It was so refreshing and I truly had a wonderful time and was actually relaxed. Ahhhhh that felt great. It was so good to be with ‘family’ again. They want me to come back for Thanksgiving and I wold love that but am committed here with Charles and his family to cook some stuff and bring it to his Mother’s house. Not sure what to do about that yet….It is so funny in that I was SO anxious to leave here and go anywhere that far from home right now but then when it was time to come home…i was anxious to comeback! That spoke volumes to me. I shared pix with my BFF of Charles and I and interestingly her response was….’Cass…what are you thinking?!’ I am not sure why but since I have been back home and even on the way home yesterday I have seen Charles so differently. He was up near where I was on a trucking job so on the way home we met up at a truck stop to have lunch together on the way home and I felt so distant from him….i felt so disconnected from him….I saw him SO differently…..I felt as though I did not even know him….I even wondered “what AM I thinking?’….He was loving and attentive and even gave me a huge hug and kiss inside the truck stop which he has not done in public in a very long time. I was feeling so anxious about coming back here. When I got home I had a really tough night for several different reasons and have had no support from Charles what so ever. My Grandfather passed away last night and again I have had no support…he did offer to give me his gas card so that I can drive 7 hours to Dayton OH. on Sunday to go to services on Monday which I appreciated but I don’t want to take anything from him anymore at all….not even that which would allow me to go to my Grandaddy’s funeral….they want me to sing in the service…not sure if I am strong enough to do that without crying. Is that wrong of me? Should I let him pay for my trip? Not sure what to do on that. I have been feeling so down even since yesterday even before my Grandaddy died last night…is it because I am back here? perhaps? I have not been able to stop crying but I think that this is good in that I am obviously working through something even if I am not sure exactly what that something is. I do know that i see Charles so differently now and I actually have thought the same things that Milissa said to me……’what was I thinking?!’ When I was at my BFF”s house when I looked in the mirror I even remember feeling that I had ME back….that I was seeing ME again!! 🙂 I guess in some way ..shape or form this is all good except for losing my grandaddy. Please let meknow what you guys I let Charles pay for me to go to services or no?

    You guys are all doing so great with these tools and I so look forward to getting to where you all are. I can’t wait to be ok going out by myself and enjoying it….did I just say that?! I really do want to get there and now that I see Charles so differently perhaps I will venture out after Thanksgiving?? Maybe?? We’ll see….baby steps. I am so glad that you are all doing so great. I love you all….

    ps…..Daria checkout this website for some info on hormones. :-)

  14.  #14Cassandra on November 21, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    …sorry my post was so long!

  15.  #15alias girl on November 22, 2008 at 1:28 am

    cassandra i am very sorry to hear about your grandaddy. well i wouldn’t want to give advice on this since i don’t know what’s best for you. BUT a couple ideas came to me is 1) you could see it as practicing receiving 2) you will probably regret not going 3) is there any other way other than taking $ you seem uncomfortablr taking from charles? 4) maybe make a list of every possible way you could think of even if they seem ridiculous (ie hitchhike, steal $ from a 7/11, work a temp job and come up with the money, ask your parents, carpool w/ someone etc etc just whatever comes to mind. )then pick the one that feels best for you. i do not recommend stealing or hitchiking.

  16.  #16Caj13 on November 22, 2008 at 8:53 am

    Cassandra – I’m going with Alias Girl – don’t make a big deal out of accepting his offer. If it was really going to cost something too important to him, he’d never have offered, and anyway that’s NOT your problem. It’s only money. That’s nothing compared to your love and your priceless self being at his disposal all this time. It’s really him just returning an iota of what he’s already gotten from you (and apparently squandered). You’d never be in this predicament if he hadn’t enticed you there under false pretenses. If ever he threw that or anything similar back at you, say you accepted it as a normal human kindness for which you are grateful. And that is normal among adults who care – no debt is created.

    (PS – I take back what I said about not calling the place you live your home, that may have seemed harsh. As long as you feel it is, then it is and you have all the rights and privileges someone has over their own home. )