Are you faced with the thought of dating men who are “sub-par” – and it feels icky?
I’ve experienced this a lot in my life, so I know what you’re feeling when you write me that you had a date with a man, and he only talked about himself, and wasn’t curious about you, and seemed awkward, and you just weren’t attracted to him AT ALL – and your question is – “What do I do now? Do I continue to date him, or…what?”
If you’re Circular Dating – I hope you gave him a chance, got curious yourself, looked at him as a messenger and listened and looked for his message – and still, I need to tell you when “enough is enough.”
Here’s the IMPORTANT deal here. I don’t want you to just “go along” with a man who’s behavior doesn’t FEEL GOOD.
I don’t want you to ONLY Listen at Level 2 and then IGNORE your own inner FEELINGS. NEVER!!!!
I want you to PRACTICE Listening at Level 2 WHILE you are continually, constantly, never-endingly in touch with your heart and your body, and the general way you’re feeling.
And I want you to PRACTICE Speaking the Truth of your heart, your body, your feelings.
The whole point of Circular Dating is for you to PRACTICE on a man – even if he talks so much you can’t “get a word in edgewise” and aren’t attracted to him. A man always shows up with a Message – and often, that Message, and the Free Therapy of it – is for you to finally learn how to SPEAK about this – about what’s really going on.
Here’s a scenario and something you might try: Let’s say he’s talking a blue streak and isn’t making eye contact with you, and barely seems interested in you as a person at all. Let’s say that after listening for 15 minutes and feeling completely irrelevant to him and unheard – you SAY –
“I’m feeling weird here.”
Pause (give him a chance to care and ask you what that’s about…).
“I’m feeling unheard.”
“I don’t feel important here, the listening feels like it’s all going one way here, and though I’m enjoying your stories and hearing about you, I’m starting to feel like a listening post and not a person. What do you think?”
I want you to write down your own words around a situation like this. Write your own variations for each situation in which you feel “stuck” with a man you don’t “like.”
And remember – This is what he’s doing there with you! This is WHY he showed up! To give you a particular Message, and a particular Lesson.
Almost always – the Message and the Lesson is centered around THIS: To teach you, and to give you an opportunity to practice Telling the Truth – quickly, and kindly, and in Feeling Messages.
Go back over all the conversations you can think of where you sat in silence or “tolerated” something you wish you hadn’t – and redo them on paper this way.
See how that feels, and let me know. This is a great topic, and we’ll do more with it.