Monthly Interviews With Relationship Experts

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I was asked to put out a post where you could start and maintain a discussion about the Monthly Interview Series, and I thought it was a great idea.

I really search for these interviewees.  I’m not interested in getting “experts in the news” if they’re going to say the same old thing or be “general” – I’m interested in coaches and therapists who actually work with women one-on-one who can pretty much give us “working sessions” in the interviews.

I have them use me as your “stand in” – so they actually work with you through me.

I want them to “complement” what we’re doing here with smaller pieces of the puzzle – body language, physical things (I know Rose Cole’s interview where we went into hormones and depression and all kinds of mood things created huge feedback) – and I have several phone and email back-and-forth sessions with each “expert” to make sure we have a meaningful interview, rather than just letting them do their normal “interview talk.”

So – I’d love to get feedback here on what you’d like me to come up with…and if you liked a particular expert so much you’d like me to do something more with her (or him) – like blog posts, or a teleclass or something….

Let me know!  Love, Rori


  1.  #1Daria on October 3, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    anyone have favorites?

    lets trade lol !!

    I wonder how Rori would feel about that?

    maybe we can officially trade if we make a donation to her as well

    i know there are some interviews i want… i don’t have the rose cole one i don’t think

    I wish rori put them all up for download

  2.  #2Mercedes on October 3, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    I’m confused about how those of us who don’t get the interviews can participate in this conversation? Or is this a special place for those who do buy them? I’m cool with that if that’s what this space is for…just confused about what exactly the comments or posts would do for those of us who didn’t buy the interviews.

    Much Love,

  3.  #3Flora on October 3, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Would love something on dating with technology i.e. how to handle texting, and emailing with men. Thanks.

  4.  #4BarbinOz on October 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    I get e letters from Dr Paul – I thought this article was interesting, how would you guys feel about hearing from him, I think it was Denise who directed us to his page.

    Go out this weekend and interact with at least four men. Alternatively, take the man you already have and try four questions:

    1. You seem like an expert. Can you answer this question for me?
    If he loves it, he is a King.

    2. You seem like a powerful man. What made you so powerful?
    If he loves it, he is a Warrior. If he acts confused like he doesn’t understand, he is not.

    3. Just start clapping. When he responds with a performance or joke, he is a magician, and if he needs to ask why you clap, say “Clapping for whatever you are ABOUT to do!” Then when he loves performing, he is a Magician.

    4. Tell him he seems like he’s travelled and has stories to tell or has depth of feeling. If he tells a story and loves this, he is a Lover.

    Next, find out what his career is. If you find something in it to truly admire, do so, express it, and you will have already sewn the seeds of COMMITMENT in HIS mind.

    When he follows you around like a puppy dog don’t blame ME!

  5.  #5Suzanne on October 3, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    How do I know if I’m on your CD subscription list? I ordered one of your DVD programs and got at least one CD…will more be coming? I love your work…


  6.  #6Rori Raye on October 4, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Suzanne, There’s a “box” when you check out with a product, so you can get the free CDs from the Monthly Relationship Expert series…If you don’t want them – and the subscription later that you can keep or quit – just let customer service know and you can unsubscribe — make sure the box is UNCHECKED!!! If you get a new CD and you didn’t want the series – write right back to and tell them what you want to do. Love, Rori

  7.  #7Niko on October 4, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Hey Rori,

    This is my first time checking out your site and I have to say that I’m quite impressed with the content you’re writing. It’s a breath of fresh air to see someone truly understand what they’re writing about. I’m not sure how else to contact you so I’m going to post here.

    I read on a previous post that you are friends with David DeAngelo and understand the “pickup” community. The problem with “pickup” is they focus on how to seduce others and don’t focus on what’s really important — making yourself a more confident, fun, exciting, and attractive person. It’s one of the reasons why I respect David is because I feel he teaches in a much more healthy way.

    3 years going out to meet people multiple times a week, working with some of the best coaches in the industry, and meeting some really brilliant people, really shaped the way I want to help others. I told myself 3 big things:

    1) I wanted to help both genders
    2) That you must learn to become the best version of yourself rather than trying to win or “seduce” people with tricks, routines, or gimmicks
    3) Confidence should come from internal and not external sources

    I’m very interested in hearing more from you and would love to talk sometime when you have a chance. Feel free to contact me anytime! And again, really solid stuff.

  8.  #8Sweetpea on October 4, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Rori. I read in the last thread that you recommend posting questions to the newest thread so they are easier for you to find. This isn’t a question (although I just emailed you one), but I thought you should be aware that when I try to complete the survey, it won’t load. I will try again later.

    I also want to thank you for how much you’ve done for me and for making the commitment (and I’m sure sacrifice) to devote yourself to helping all of us here.

    Love you much!

  9.  #9Sweetpea on October 4, 2010 at 7:20 pm


    I love your post! Ironically, I recently defined a quality I desire in my mate to be a magician. I define it as someone who doesn’t sit around waiting for things to happen, but makes things happen. I think I will try your question of every CD to see if he is indeed a magician! 🙂
    Thank you!!

  10.  #10Sweetpea on October 4, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Oops. Guess it’s not a question, it’s clapping. Even better!

  11.  #11Brenda on October 4, 2010 at 7:52 pm


    Great to see you back here!!!! Love you, cupcake!

  12.  #12Sweetpea on October 4, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Thanks Brenda! It feels good to be back!

    Love you too Cupcake!!

  13.  #13Brenda on October 4, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    I realized that I tend to surround myself with warmth and softness to block out all the tuff stuff in my life, like bills. This blog is a big part of that. Even tho we scrap now and then, I feel a lot of love and caring and warmth here, and I soak that in, especially tonight, when I feel upset.

  14.  #14BarbinOz on October 5, 2010 at 1:32 am

    #12 Brenda

    Wow is that you?? You kinda look like a 1960’s movie queen like one of those (many) ladies involved with ol’ King Elvis 😀

  15.  #15BarbinOz on October 5, 2010 at 1:33 am

    #12 Brenda

    Awwww sorry I didn’t read the message I was just stunned by the sexy pic.

    I suppose this is about Ryan…..sigh……I do so hope he hasn’t hurt you yet again. xxx

  16.  #16BarbinOz on October 5, 2010 at 1:34 am

    #9 Sweetpea

    Let us know how you get on with the clapping LOL!! Kind of makes me think of a seal for some reason.

  17.  #17Symantha on October 5, 2010 at 2:02 am


    Rose Cole has been such an inspiration in my life since I herd the interview last year, I got ALL her programs, she ‘got it’ all together, ALL the answers I was looking for to my physical, emotional, hormonal, anxiety and depression issues!!!

    I’ve just stop them because I’ve moved to australia, but want to ubscribe asap, such a refreshing thing every month.


  18.  #18BarbinOz on October 5, 2010 at 3:14 am

    Hi Symi

    I am in Australia too (via England) :)) You will find yourself now out of synch with the other Goddesses due to the time zone change……….

  19.  #19Brenda on October 5, 2010 at 9:58 am


    RE: #13 – Thanks for the kudos! Ryan didn’t hurt me again. I just feel like I’ve been recovering ever since last July 2009 when he did.

  20.  #20Rori Raye on October 5, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Niko, Welcome, and good luck building your coaching practice, and I look forward to your showing up here often! If you’d like some personal help…contact my assistant at and she’ll set you up with an official phone session. Love, Rori

  21.  #21Jason Miller on October 6, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    3: Flora

    Do you have specific questions around different methods of communication?

  22.  #22Renee on October 6, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Hi Jason — I’m glad you’re here…I have a question I want your perspective on.

    As you know, Rori advocates not dating anyone exclusively unless/until marriage is on the table and while I know that this approach CAN work, I also know it’s not the ONLY approach that works to get you to your happy ever after, which for me, involves marriage.

    So, my question has to do with how you can keep a man from taking you for granted when you are exclusive, as I recently agreed to be exclusive with a guy I’ve been dating about 6 weeks. So far, he’s still treating me great, but I want to make sure I don’t let him take me for granted as things develop. Is it as simple as staying busy enough w/work or other friends to not be available whenever he calls/txts? Or should I open the door back up to dating others just to “keep him on his toes”? I don’t really like the thought of him dating anyone else and he feels the same way about me, so that would feel scary to me, but I guess I’m just wondering, from a guy’s perspective, how to keep a certain level of “mystery” alive so that he’s left wanting more?

    I should say that this particular guy travels 3 weeks a month for his job, so we have built in “missing you” time already and maybe that’s enough, but I’m just not sure…what do you think?

  23.  #23jacqueline on October 6, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    @ Niko – welcome! From what I gather Rori is pretty far from PUA and very into being genuine. I think you’ll love it here – and read a bunch of the back posts. I read them all and got such a lot out of it. A lot of people here have blogs or do coaching as well…you click on their names and it shows you. Jason, for example! is writing me a very fine article on why he is moving into coaching women.

    Rori can benefit you in all the ways a woman’s perspective works…and ummm, well, let me just say – everyone here is a GENIUS!! See Renee, above, for example..

    and they are a great group of people. So, hope to have you hanging around and posting your thoughts!


  24.  #24Jason Miller on October 6, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    22: Renee

    You’ve only been exclusive for a very short period of time. It sounds like you have felt taken for granted before in past relationships. If you act out of that fear in your interactions with your new guy, it could negatively affect the solid attraction you have going with this man. In other words, anything you do to prevent feeling taken for granted represents a risk you don’t need to take.

    If you feel very feminine around this guy, your job is simply to state your appreciation for what he does as part of courtship. If he makes you feel good, tell him or show him by being affectionate. If you don’t like something he does, you must also make your disapproval known. If you encourage him in this way, he will naturally take on the masculine energy in the relationship and attraction will flourish.

    Bear in mind you are testing him for long term suitability over time, so don’t be afraid to be honest with your feedback, positive or negative. And don’t feel guilty for setting your boundaries and adhering to your values.

    Rori advocates CDing as a way for women to gain some power back when they haven’t been able to access their natural feminine power during courtship. If you’re secure and congruent in your femininity, then CDing is merely one option out of many that you can employ.

    Let me know if that helps.

  25.  #25Lorelei on October 6, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    I’d dying to listen in to conversation about Rori’s most recent monthly interview with a woman about using the body to create a more feminine body vibe. She mentioned it in an email recently. I don’t get the monthly interview series, but felt fascinated by references to using the body this way. Has anyone been listening to this CD?!

  26.  #26jacqueline on October 7, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Barb – I just got off the PHONE with DR. PAUL!! Wow, he’s brilliant, amazing and just knocked my socks off!! His stuff is leading edge and that conversation was the best one I’ve had in months. Just …, and some great masculine/feminine stuff. Going to be writing an I love Dr. Paul column….maybe weekly!

    Sweetpea! Hey, how are you??!! Very nice to see you!


  27.  #27Daria on October 7, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Lorelei – I don’t have the interview but i have that wimps book. It’s cool! Step by step postures… Her name is patty contenta

  28.  #28Daria on October 7, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Lol ! Not wimps but woman’s !!! Lol at automatic spell corrector on my itouch

  29.  #29Sweetpea on October 7, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    Jacqueline, thank you! It’s nice to be back. I’m doing well. How have you been? I’ve got lots of catching up to do but don’t see it happening for awhile yet unfortunately.

  30.  #30jacqueline on October 7, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    Sweetpea – I’m good – I started a blog – not sure if I was when you were here last….it’s a lot of work!! Grin…but good for me, and obviously, I’ve been hanging around here still.

    I just did a new interview – if you click on my name it takes you to the blog and I spoke with this psychiatrist today to interview that talked a lot about women’s need for creativity, purpose and community. Which I guess explains why I’m still here…smile….

    Come back soon as you can – tons of stuff to catch up on.

    Take care my friend!


  31.  #31Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 11:17 am

    This is an article by Christine Arylo who was one of the first people I heard Rori interview. This really struck home with me so I thought I would share it here. I love Christine’s stuff. She is all about loving yourself first thereby giving yourself a sturdy base to share with others & I think, a perfect compliment to Rori’s work. Here it is:

    It wasn’t until the age of 30 that I – smart, successful rising marketing executive and m.b.a. student – realized that men were supposed to be nice to me. Three weeks into dating the man, Noah, I am married to today, he said to me, “Christine you can’t like a guy because he’s nice to you, he’s supposed to be nice to you.” With that one sentence Noah changed my life and made me painfully aware that I had come to expect men to be controlling, short-tempered, hypercritical and unpredictable and with that my boundaries of what I considered acceptable behavior by my partner were extremely ‘messed up.’

    I learned to turn the cheek when he swore at me, when he got really angry at me for using the grill the wrong way, or when he grabbed my wrist harder than felt good. I learned to get by doing activities I loved by myself, to look to my friends for emotional support, and to put my bigger dreams on hold. And I came to find it totally normal to become a crazy banshee during our fights, to fall asleep to Roseanne Barr instead of snuggling with him, and to let the business contract of our relationship – which worked well – be enough.

    Fast forward 9 years, lots of personal work, good boundaries re-established, and married to Noah, a good, loving and sexy man, I found myself in a conversation with Noah that brought another deep, and frankly shocking belief about men to the surface of my conscious awareness.

    Noah has been part of men’s group for over 3 years. They meet weekly for a few hours on Thursday nights and talk. Not about sports, business or the latest playboy pin up, but about their lives, their dreams, and their problems. Each of the men supports the other men to break through whatever is holding them back. While I knew Noah couldn’t tell me what these men talk about specifically, I found myself curious about what kinds of things they talked about the most, so I asked him.

    I expected him to say something like “Their careers, work or money.” When he said, “What these men talk about more than anything is their relationships,” my mouth dropped to the floor in disbelief. And inside my head this sarcastic voice said, “Really men, care about relationships, c’mon. Men don’t care about having intimate, close, fulfilling relationships.”

    “Wow! Where did that come from,” another voice shockingly replied in my head. What I didn’t realize is that my lips were also conveying these thoughts out loud to Noah, who looked at me back, a little shocked, as I was that I would have these kinds of feelings about men – especially given that I had such a close, intimate relationship with Noah. Why would I believe that there weren’t other men like Noah who were both caring and loving as well as masculine and sexy? Why wouldn’t I believe that men, just like women, wanted to be deeply loved, seen and supported by their partners.

    The why goes back to the fact that other than Noah, my gay male friends, my two best, straight male friends (both good guys who married not good girls), and my spiritual teachers (all over the age of 50), I hadn’t experienced the ‘imprint’ of these good, heterosexual men. And therefore I didn’t really believe they existed. It was like ‘good men’ were an endangered species or something. I had plenty of sightings of the narcissistic, self-absorbed males (my girlfriends and I have all dated or married them), and living in California I had also come across many ‘Soft, nice men who’ve lost their mojo’ (many women I know  married and dated these guys to stay safe, only to find themselves unsatisfyingly both the man and woman in the relationship.)

    But then on Noah’s 40th birthday, I got the imprint of ‘good men’ washed all over me – yes it was as good as it sounds! We threw a party for Noah and many of the men from his men’s group came, some married, some single, all ages, and all good men. Open, present, able to have a meaningful and stimulating conversation, caring, loving… and hot, handsome, funny and manly. All men who I could tell would very much care about having a strong, supportive, dynamic partnership just as much as any woman would. And this made me very happy.

    And it also made me a little sad.

    You see, I know, after seeing Noah transform through his connection with this men’s group, that men just like women need support from other men. They need a place where they can come to talk, be real, and explore the truth of who they are, without all the macho puffery b.s. and beyond the surface connection points of football and business. And while these groups do exist, they are nowhere near as plentiful, accessible or socially acceptable as all of the tele-classes, workshops, retreats, and book clubs out there for us women.

    So what can we women do to support men to get what they need, without emasculating them or turning them into soft ponytail boy? Here are a few suggestions and inspirations I have had, including one that my guy Noah was inspired to create:


    Emasculate your man

    Take up all the masculine space in the relationship and then get mad at him for not being a man

    Put all the responsibility on yourself and then get mad at him for not doing his share

    Shame him for not being perfect or living up to your standards

    Compare him to another man

    Make fun of him for being too sensitive

    Measure his worth by his paycheck, his papers, or any external measure.

    Put up with him not giving you unconditional love and respect – but that means that you have to give it too

    Settle for a man who isn’t willing to be honest with himself and do his own personal growth work, or get mad a man who won’t change for you.


    Value him for his ability to act and do as well as be and love; see his strengths and support him

    Be honest about your personal expectations, and take your personal hang ups out of the equation

    Expect a man to be honest with himself and do his personal work, and be compassionate with him along the way

    Believe that there are good men out there.

    Drop your unrealistic expectations and see your man as human, without giving up or settling for what your heart and soul truly desires.

    Encourage him — not mandate, plan or sign him up – to explore activities geared towards men coming together in powerful groups (the 5-week virtual class Tackle the Inner Bully is a good example of some of the cool experiences starting to pop up.

  32.  #32Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    This is a really long story. I’ll try to keep it short. One of the guys I work with asked me to pull a permit for him last week, & told me he was going to give me $50 for it – between he & I – he doesn’t want the boss to yell at him. Pulling a permit involves a lot of legwork & some driving. A lot of times the techs will pull their own permits, but it’s still part of my job, so I told him absolutely not. I don’t see him most days, but he kept telling me he had it for me every time we talked & I continued to tell him “no.”

    He & I have had a few heart-to-hearts and he knows I get paid an insultingly low amount, but there are some perks that make it worthwhile for now AND there is a mutual romantic interest, so when he offered the money yesterday, as hard as it was for me, I accepted it mainly because I don’t want to mess up the whole masculine-feminine dance we’ve had going. So… I realized when I got home that he gave me $60 & called to tell him. He proceeded to get all mushy on me & tell me I deserve more for all that I do for them…and I don’t even remember what all he said, but he ended up saying, “that was really cheesy” and I was in tears. So I told him if he made me cry like a girl, I was gonna kick his ass next time I see him. He said that’s what he was trying to do. So I slipped back into my femme energy & told him it worked and thanked him.

    He is so stinking… Gosh I don’t know what…sweet, caring, masculine, YUMMY! And I love the person I am around him. I feel like I can slip into that feminine power like a yummy, soft, silk robe and just revel in it. I feel absolutely feminine, soft, powerful, authentic & genuine. It’s so easy with him and it feels so good.

    But he has a girlfriend. Damn! I know Rori says a girlfriend’s not a dealbreaker, but I don’t want to be the reason they break up. I told him that & he told me I wouldn’t be the reason they break up – things are already rocky. They fight all the time, she keeps threatening to move out of state & he tells her “go” but she stays. She has a baby that may or may not be his. So… I’m cd’ing. But I really like the way he makes me feel.

    So… Alas (she says with the back of her hand to her forehead). It would be easy for me to make her leave, but it involves leaning forward. It’s so very tempting though.

  33.  #33Daria on October 9, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Great job sweetpea, on accepting the money and being “the fern”. Don’t lean forward, I say, let him figure it out and ask you out.

  34.  #34Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    I should clarify, the romantic interest is not one of the perks of the job, lol! It, along with struggling to try to figure out how I’m going to afford rent AND food are part if the reason I’m considering leaving.

    That being said…

    Thanks Daria!. It was really hard for me to accept because it’s not his job to pay me, it’s my employer’s. But it was really sweet…and awkward. I’d like to stay in the habit of receiving from him though, so…

    I agree that it is best to lean back. It’s just really hard to when I know that my contacting him would give the gf incentive to pack her bags & leave rather than just threaten it. And… He’s basically encouraged me to do so. It’s his deal though, & I don’t expect it would be easy on him for her to leave unless he was sure the baby’s not his.

    We did go out once. He asked me when we’re going to again & I told him “when you ask me again.”

  35.  #35Daria on October 9, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Sweetpea – uhuh.. no deal. girlfriend who? i don’t want to hear about other women…

    he has to step up on his own…

    this reminds me of a cool Rori tool

    imagining my man sending his energy at me, from somewhat a few feet away, directed to me, like his energy is magnetized by me…

    now… add other men… around… also sending energy to me Still feeling this man’s energy

    now, add other women.. around, some walking, even talking touching, or passing between me an my man,

    maybe he even looks at them, or talks to them…

    but the whole time, Still feel his energy shooting towards me

    this is really powerful when i was using it… in public…

    gonna get back to it!!!

  36.  #36Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    He actually only told me about the gf (after the initial time – when we were out on a date) because I told him I was curious about what was keeping him with her. I get your point though & will keep it in mind if needed. I like it. Just as it is, “girlfriend who?” Lol!

    Anyway, I love that tool & hadn’t heard it before. Thanks so much for sharing it. I’ve used the waterwheel tool a lot & it feels really good.

    I just read on the other thread about drinking the hot water w/ lemon. Good to know & I actually love hot water with lemon when I’m not drinking, so easy deal when I am. You are just full of knowledge & useful information. Thanks again for sharing. (I also read about the anger you’re feeling toward your dad. Sorry to hear it & I hope it’s subsiding).

  37.  #37Lorelei on October 21, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Hey Daria – just saw your response in post no. 27 to my question – I’m glad to know that Patty Contenta has a book – thank you! And no wimps!!!

  38.  #38Lorelei on October 21, 2010 at 12:25 am

    Sweetpea – re no. 31 – I’m catching up on reading older posts, and even though this one has died down, just wanted to comment that I’m really thankful that you shared this.

    The bit about “Men are SUPPOSED to be nice/kind to you” really hits home. And I so identify with the experience that they have been like an endangered species in my life, other than few gay friends and a few exceptions to the rule. What if – I didn’t have to only like the one nice man who appears? What if, as I change, there are more of these men around due to attracting different kinds of men, and there was the opportunity for a Siren to choose between them?

    This is just little vision for how life could become very abundant . . . despite all my experiences of the other kind of men, there are more good men around me (not dates, but in my colleagues and social circle) I’m beginning to spot them in the undergrowth of the jungle, at the corners of my eye, and I have seen so few in my life. I’m thrilled to be starting to recognise them out there – it’s the beginning of a difference that makes a difference. S

  39.  #39Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 1:16 am


    Hi! I feel so happy hearing this spoke to you. What you say reminds me of something I’m listening to on one of Rori’s CD programs…about an alcoholic knowing where all the bars are, but not the bakeries. Yes! Let’s start looking for the bakeries! They’re out there! We just haven’t noticed them.

    Hope things are going well for you. I’ve been playing catch up myself. It seems like it’s a lot harder to catch up now than it used to be.

  40.  #40Priya on November 1, 2010 at 6:29 am

    Hey Rori It is nice that you are halping people to make their realtionship better.Need ypur help My marriage is on rocks please help me out ot this situation…….

  41.  #41Femininewoman on January 31, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I would be interested in Dr. Paul, John Gottman and Gay Hendricks.