New 4-Week Rori Raye Teleseminar

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I so want to do as much as I can to personally get to know you, get to know your unique situations and issues, and help you as much one-on-one as I can – and I’ve experimented with several ways.

This year I’ve tried small group coaching by teleclass – and that’s been amazing, and still not available to you as much as I’d like – so I’m doing a 4-week teleseminar at 5:30 PST on Mondays,  starting January 30th – called “How To Get Love, Reconnect Love, and Keep Love Forever” (yes – I want to cover ALL of your situations and problems!).

I want to figure out a way to make this cost-effective, and yet personal…so if you’d like some extra help (and new Tools I’ve created with my clients and in the group coaching) – you’ll want to take a look here at what the class can do for you===>>>

http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/

If you’re ready to just sign up for the class from here – go straight to Paypal:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=BSRXDYBWGYU22

I look forward to having you on the calls!

Love, Rori

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1 Comments

  1.  #1mali on January 21, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Hmm… well, I’m searching for that money tree…! 🙂



  2.  #2Lush_Oasis on January 21, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Hi, Mali!

    I feel the same as you do! The money trees seem to have vanished with the strange drought from this year. 🙁 Oh, yeah, that and the fact that there are other collectors already in line claiming every penny before I even see it. Grr … here’s to love, peace, good health, happiness, and financial abundance in 2012 and beyond!! {{ }}



  3.  #3LILI 41 on January 21, 2012 at 8:35 am

    This question I just read on Day 15 of the Debbie Ford 21-day Consciousness Cleanse is shaking me out of my funk:

    “What new internal website—state of consciousness—could you visit today that would open you up more to the feeling you most desire?”

    I want to feel confident and carefree. To get there, I need to let go of my insecurity. Bc that insecurity I feel right now makes me worried and feel like I have to control everything.

    I feel the tension in my upper back. Feels like resistance.
    I choose to just be, and be in the moment.
    I’m trying to talk myself into letting go of everything and just enjoy the moment and have confidence that whatever happens, I will be fine.



  4.  #4Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:09 am

    I would love to take the Teleclass, no money thought. And I feel ashamed of that, I’m afraid it would be hard to follow since it’s not my first language…

    I considere myself 98% bilingual, I can read, write (yes with a few mistakes), I can speak with almost no accent, I can watch movies because I see their lips and their moves… But I’m afraid that not seeing the person’s face and lips would be hard for me… And I would also be shy to participate and speak as well…

    Don’t know why I’m feeling afraid, at work, we have conference calls every day in English, and I listen to the radio…

    I feel afraid of the teleclass, lol. Weird.



  5.  #5Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Soooo I just clicked on the dating site inbox and man there is this gorgeous guy who has messaged me, looks a little bit like Antonio Banderas and OK he is 42 and last night I said I wouldn’t contact anybody younger than 50………cough, cough……but you know a girl can change her mind right? 😀

    So then I click on his profile and he lives in Portugal booo hooooooo. 🙁



  6.  #6Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Oops the dating site was Smooch which is completely free like POF.



  7.  #7Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I’m not feeling super good this morning.

    I have an headache from last night wine. And my body hurts also.

    And I feel weird about last night date with LaughingCD. I didn’t like to be asked all these questions about he men I’m seeing and I felt him judging me so deep. I still feel it.

    And I’m sad that I’m not getting a call or a message from P. Lol, I know, he left my place only 24 hours ago!! I know it’s not gonna happen before a few days, hopefully not a few weeks but it’s possible. And he told me he had a friend visiting from out of town, so of course I won’t have any news this weekend.

    I feel lonely and a little bit lost. LaughingCD was nice but he acted strange… I don’t think there’s a real chance that P wants me again in his life… DjCD is cute and texting me often, but never offers to hang out…

    The begining of my weekend s*cks. I just want to stay in my bed in the dark all day. It’s noon and that’s still where I am…



  8.  #8Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Silver Moonbeam –

    Why not talking to the sexy-portuguese-antonio anyway? Could be a good practice!!

    And who knooooows? Maybe he has his sister living in your city and he will come visit some day! Anything is possible and you will never know if you don’t try it!!

    Go go go!!



  9.  #9Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:25 am

    As far as I know, in my country, we don’t have a lot of free dating sites.Ok of course I could go on POF or stuff like that, but I never heard anyone talking about it so I don’t think there’s a lot of Quebecois on there…

    We have Reseau Contact wich is half free. You can use it even without paying but you are very limited. And it’s super popular, so the quality of men is really poor.

    I’ve tried Match the other day, builded all my profile and only THEN they asked me for money. No way, I don’t want to pay for that. I don’t want to pay for men to find me just like I don’t want to pay for dates.

    Some people are on E-Harmony, but once again, $$$…



  10.  #10Camille on January 21, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Good Morning Sirens,

    Thanks for the support and hugs last night

    It really helped

    Feeling much stronger this morning

    Leaning back and looking towards my future with my “perfect” man regardless of what his name is

    hes on his way



  11.  #11Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 9:31 am

    SLV,

    RE: #936 from https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/rori-raye-relationship-tip-how-to-find-love-re-create-the-love-you-have-and-keep-it-forever/ – No, I hadn’t heard of Dr. Oz’s challenge. Sounds like there are so many requirements about it that it would be easier to lose weight than to meet them all.

    Losing weight is a big enough challenge to me without jumping thru someone else’s hoops. And I don’t like Weight Watchers. It is a joke to me.

    Overeating is about emotional issues, not knowing what to eat and in what amounts. I could write a book on how to lose weight. I know how to prepare food, etc. It’s just a matter of doing it. And, yes, having the money to buy it.

    My unemployment has been repeatedly delayed for almost 3 months. I’m not saying I haven’t had any money all that time, but there has been delay after delay, leaving my budget tense and up in the air.

    Soon I will be getting Medifast. And for now I am eating fruits and vegetables as much as possible. I got a case of lemon-lime flavored seltzer water from a food bank. I found it blends beautifully with pomegranate-blueberry juice!



  12.  #12Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Lizka

    I just did a quick check and there are LOADS of guys in Quebec on POF and on Smooch too. 😉



  13.  #13Camille on January 21, 2012 at 9:32 am

    this is about me and what i want and finally feel like i deserve



  14.  #14Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Lizka,

    RE: #928 – Yeah, first date with a new CD. It went well, altho I don’t think it is going anywhere. And I intend to join some meetup.com groups.



  15.  #15Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Silver –

    REALLY!?!? Oh you just made my day!!! I’ll do my profiles TODAY!! And I LOVE making profiles!!

    Wouhou!!!

    Thank you so much!

    And go talk to Antonio Banderas!!! 😀



  16.  #16Camille on January 21, 2012 at 9:35 am

    yay brenda……………good for you



  17.  #17Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Brenda –

    It doesn’t have to go anywhere! It’s just practice and therapy! It’s just for you to get better for your prince charming, Ryan or anyone.

    When I go on a date, I try to focus on one different thing that I’m bad at, while using all the other tools. With P last time, I tried not picking up the conversation and listening at level 2 because I’m really bad at it. And I did great. With LaughingCD yesterday, I tried feeling messages. I failed. Lol, will have to practice this more with the next one 🙂

    I’m happy you are CDing!



  18.  #18Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

    LG,

    RE: #917 – I comment on other people and their situations all the time!!

    Rori has encouraged us to use the blog as a journal of sorts. I have processed a tremendous amount of stuff here. It has helped tremendously! I can understand other people getting sick of hearing about a particular man. But it is my process, and I have grown.

    Maybe I NEEDED to talk about him that much to work thru deep feelings and thoughts. That doesn’t mean it’s unhealthy, just because you don’t like it.

    I’m not stopping because you don’t like it, but because it has reached its full circle of productivity. I am about growing, changing, learning, and becoming my best self.

    I love you, and I appreciate your efforts to connect and communicate on the blog. I think you are a wonderful person, and I feel so happy when I see Sirens like you who have stuck it out here a long time.



  19.  #19Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Camille you are so strong! Wow! I would just feel devastated the next day. I’m really happy that you feel better today. Stay strong please, it feels wonderful!

    “hes on his way”

    I love that. I wish nothing less for you, and for me too, and for all the sirens!

    I think I’ll use that as my Facebook status for today, if you don’t mind 🙂



  20.  #20Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 9:58 am

    #10 Camille

    Go you Siren!! Even though you probably feel just awful you are turning the focus back onto numero uno and no it isn’t a man!!! Have a good day Camille.



  21.  #21Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Daria,

    RE: #889 – You said, “Brenda – hmm to me it looks like she is leaning Back. And the manis leaning into her w his head. ”

    Huh! Good observation! You’re right! 🙂



  22.  #22Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Lizka,

    RE: #17 – Thanks! Right on! Yes, I am CDing for that purpose, to get practice. And I still hate it. But I’m doing it.



  23.  #23Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #888 – “#883 Brenda

    Do you have any idea of how much we Sirens are sooooooo proud of you?

    GO GIRLFRIEND!!

    xxxxxx”

    Awww, thank you! That feels good to hear!



  24.  #24Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I feel inspired by Camille.

    This weird feeling I have about P… I have to turn the focus on ME!!

    What could I do today to put the focus on me…

    I’ll cook a nice breakfast and watch a movie for now I think… And stay connected to the blog because it feels so good!!



  25.  #25Camille on January 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Thanks Girls,
    its strange, but in the past I would have been devastated and I would have cried all day and been sad and tried to contact him.

    But Im really applying what Ive learned from Rori and here.

    “No” means “No”

    If he cant handle my feeling, wishes, needs then so be it….

    And Im picturing the throne for my king alongside mine and asking the Universe to fill it with my perfect companion, without putting a name or face on him.

    It may be Troy it may be someone else, but I deserve a perfect companion………..its my time

    Thanks girls for all your support



  26.  #26Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Bravo Camille!!!! Wow me too, me too!!!



  27.  #27Ella on January 21, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Right.

    So cancelling CD asked me by text if he could make it up to me…

    I said this

    “No I don’t think so. Cancelled dates and communication via text which can lead to misunderstandings just doesn’t feel so good to me”

    He replied by text “Really am sorry. Ella I am gutted. Just feeling rough at the moment. Take care of yourself. x”

    Err??!!



  28.  #28Ella on January 21, 2012 at 10:17 am

    MY FB suddenly went all hot with 2 guys contacting who kinda fizzled in the past.

    Felt good.

    🙂



  29.  #29Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Yay Ella!!! 🙂



  30.  #30Ella on January 21, 2012 at 10:26 am

    I feel so bad that I posted that FB status yesterday with MWC in mind.

    I think I am going to be brave, and IF the right situation presents itself, ie: him coming forward, then I will bite the bullet and be honest, and tell him it was about him. And aplogise as it felt disrespectful after.

    I would like to tell him I am still struggling with trust.

    And I would like to have the opportunity for me to talk to him more about why honesty feels so good to me in dating.

    It feels better for me to have the chance of accepting reality as it is, ickiness and all.

    I don’t want to feel disconnected because I feel like people are not trusting me enough to show the real them.

    Oh I so want to tell him this!

    Lol.

    Bless me.

    Wonder why this urgency gets triggered with me in these kind of situations?!!

    Well, if I get the chance I do… if not, not.

    Ok, my plan for tonight is to go and buy myself a new writing book, and then write up my goals for next week.

    I will buy some wine and dark chocolate too to celebrate my Zumbathon success.

    And maybe a film to watch.

    Then I will go and collect a (reasonably) healthy Indian Take out dinner.

    I will come home and nibble on that throughout the evening, and maybe work on a new website for my Pole Fitness business.

    Yes, that feels good.

    Oh, and I am gonna assume that all men love me, including MWC.

    I am going to do the waterwheel tool.

    And I am going to focus on me.



  31.  #31Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Stgill in my bed… it’s 1.30 pm… Feeling lame… Not feeling good. Feeling nostalgic…



  32.  #32Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:32 am

    I want to believe that all men love me too, including P… I will focus on that. Thank you Ella.

    I feel like crying.



  33.  #33Ella on January 21, 2012 at 10:38 am

    (((((((Lizka))))))



  34.  #34Ella on January 21, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Might paint my toenails red too!



  35.  #35Ella on January 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Food ordered.

    Off to get my shopping.

    I am not even going to put any make up on!!!



  36.  #36flower on January 21, 2012 at 10:50 am

    i first discovered rori in oct 2010 and have 99% of her programs and used to read this blog regularly and i wish i have not wasted my money and time on this rubbish!

    all this stuff only makes is getting more rubbish from men and men hate u, i was better off without this programs, i was more secure and everything in the past way before starting this and now i hope to get back even semi get back to that.

    i wish i could get refund of even 1 dolalr from all this money i wasted!!!!



  37.  #37Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Recently as I was thinking about my tendency to lead in conversation, I traced it primarily to my relationship with Kenny. So I’ve been practicing staying silent until he leads.

    LOL, it’s been tough changing an established 12 year relational pattern!! It’s hard for me to remember, and I have been increasingly successful at leaning back in conversation.

    The effect has been Kenny getting mad at me repeatedly! LOL! He accuses me of being preoccupied and not paying attention. When I tell him I wasn’t doing anything else, he says, “Then why are you so quiet??” I’ll keep working it until he is leading the conversation all the way! LOL!



  38.  #38Sun Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I wish I had something super cool to do today and tonight because I am unexpectedly kidless, but I feel tired and lame. Maybe that’s what I need…to rest and be alone in my rest.



  39.  #39Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Oh! Me too I want to make a feel good schedule for today.

    I am planning to eat a not really healthy breakfast but so yummy.

    I will take my time while I digest, watch TV and do the laundry.

    I’ll go for my jog even if I feel lazy because I haven’t run all week and I know I will feel guilty if I don’t go today. Anyway, I know I always feel so good after a run. 🙂

    After to jog, it’s gonna be only lazy lazy time! I’ll stay on my couch and watch this movie I bought last week and haven’t take time to watch it.

    For dinner, I have the rest of the yummy pastas I cooked yesterday for date with LaughingCD. He said that honestly it was the most tasty thing he had ever ate! Hehe

    I might go buy my favorite dessert as well…

    And at night, I am thinking of cleaning my walking closet of all the old clothes and think of new possibilities of outfits.

    Might watch some other movies later too…

    Ok, not too bad for a plan… That should help me to focus on me!!



  40.  #40Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Flower,

    RE: #36 – Wow, that feels really bad to hear! I have been listening to Rori and the Sirens for almost three years, and it has been life-transforming for me!

    Rori has a refund policy that is in effect for 30 days. So the fact that you haven’t gotten a refund…I wonder if that is Rori’s fault?



  41.  #41Femininewoman on January 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

    flower do you want to share more of your story?



  42.  #42T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Camille, I didn’t realize there was a new post up and I asked how you were doing this morning on the old post lol. You sound like you are doing great today! xoxoxo



  43.  #43Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Oh! And while watching the movie this afternoon, I will remove the old nail polished on my toe’s nails and do a new pedicure.

    And I will call my mom also. 🙂



  44.  #44T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Yes, Flower please share more of your story as there is so much support here. I agree with Brenda that Rori’s programs have been life transforming for me. My life has done a complete 180 from where I was last year and I am the happiest I have ever been. Moreso because in the process I found myself and then a wonderful man happened to find me too while on my journey.



  45.  #45Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Turquoise,

    RE: #1322 – You said, “I thought she was kind of a b$tch… but really, she knew what she wanted, wasn’t taking crap, and wasn’t falling all over him. She was a challenge.

    Why is it so hard for me to see how attractive that is to a man, and to act accordingly? Because I’m too worried about hurting someone’s feelings, being the bad guy, ugh. I have a lot to learn.”

    Like Daria reminded us the other day, Circular Dating IS COUNTERINTUITIVE.

    THAT is the Number One reason I have found it difficult to CD and walk away from ____. It didn’t make sense to me. It still doesn’t.

    It seems stupid to me to walk away from a man and date other men and not be available when all I really want is to walk closer to him, into his arms, into his life, to spend the rest of my life with him. And when I am totally in love with him, the last thing I feel like doing is to date other men. I want to spend every minute with him, so to make myself unavailable seems ridiculous.

    So that’s when I realized I will have to force myself to put up walls and harden my heart in a sense. This is so not me. I am so full of love and just want to give him my heart in every way possible.

    So partially that’s been at the center of my struggle to accept Rori’s tools. I CAN’T be genuine and lean back at the same time. So I have to fake it til I make it. And I have to shield my heart, because it is oozing with love for him.



  46.  #46Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Flower, thanks for sharing your opinion darling.

    As for me, I’ve been here for a few months and I love it.



  47.  #47Sun Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Lizka, I want to have the energy to go through my clothes and get rid of old stuff and invent new outfits.



  48.  #48Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

    That’s wierd…. the guy I was talking about to Ella, the one who was the best out of all the guys I’ve dated, but who couldn’t commit to anything… just saw he’s back on POF. I wasn’t searching, he was at the top of the screen, because he was online. I wonder if I manifested “seeing” him, because I was thinking about him. Wierd.

    Sometimes that happens when I’m thinking about my ex, I’ll be thinking about him and then get a text. Coincidence?

    I am going to soak in a hot bath, work on my closet for a bit and then plan out the rest of my day. I’m supposed to go out with a friend tonight, but not really feeling like it, plus still need to get my babysitter figured out. I need to decide what I”m doing and get a plan going.

    I’d really like to do the class or invest in the Reconnect program, but I don’t have the money right now. The reality of my life is that I needed $400 worth of work on my van and still need new tires. Practical things must come first. 🙁



  49.  #49Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 11:26 am

    SG –

    I feel the same way as you today!

    I wrote that schedules, and then I’m like “bah, no, I just need rest.” lol

    Maybe I could just stay on the couch and watch movies…



  50.  #50Femininewoman on January 21, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Turquoise I made the mention about feelings on the other thread because if you read your writing you generally don’t share your feelings. I know you said in the past that it does not come naturally and I have seen you make a concerted effort at least once. But now that you are at this juncture I believe more practice will prepare you for when the moment comes. For instance I would love to hear more about how you felt while shoveling the snow. For me I felt my back hurting and it reminded me of a friend who came by without announcing to do that last year. I felt so taken care of and for the first in a long time felt really surprised. My children where there helping me yes, but I want to feel supported by my man and seeing him shovel snow.

    I encourage you Turquoise to really start practicing feeling messages with every one in your life until that shift takes place for you where your heart is just hanging out there for your man to reach in and touch it.



  51.  #51Femininewoman on January 21, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Synchronicity Turq



  52.  #52Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Yeah Brenda, I get it… but if they aren’t in a relationship with us, asking us for a committment or continuously showing up, do they deserve all this love and focus we give them? If we loved ourselves MORE than we loved them, we’d care more about our well-being and happiness, and in being caught up on men who aren’t giving it to us. It would be more about the man who could.



  53.  #53Femininewoman on January 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

    I would love to hear how you felt while soaking in the bath. I would also encourage you to write a love letter to yourself while doing that.



  54.  #54Sun Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

    49-Lizka,

    Glad to know that I am not the only one with lack of motivation today.

    I guess if nothing else I submitted an application for a new job.



  55.  #55Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:39 am

    (((((Flower)))))

    Sometimes it feels so disheartening !

    I’ve found that once tried this way there’s no going back – it just feels like cheating myself to not require the world from a man and to be worshipped as a Goddess.

    Whatever your stress is… You are a Woman and you will feel better!



  56.  #56Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I am doing new things in my life since the Maragsret Lynch stuff!

    Today I easily asked my dad for a ride without feeling afraid or ashamed!!!

    Wooohooo



  57.  #57Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Ok I feel hesitant and I’m bored to feel hesitant. Lol it’s just a day off ,Lizka, stop feeling bad to just stay on the couch!!!

    So for now, I’ll stay on the damm couch, petting my dog, watching the movie, MAYBE do my nails later if I finaly find the motivation.

    And whatever, I’ll do my job twice tomorrow, and do everything else I have to do. Right now, I feel like doing nothing!!!

    And I turn my cell phone on silence. I don’t feel like talking to anyone either. But I know that no one will call me… 🙁



  58.  #58Femininewoman on January 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Did you get a FBI piracy notice about megadownload site



  59.  #59Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Brenda – practicing that with Kenny – with someone that you have a set pattern with and shifting that pattern – will have Huge results!

    I find that doing a margaret lynch video – they are only 15 min way shorter than the audios – has huge Instant impacts on the way I feel and behave too.



  60.  #60Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Femiminewoman – no what kinda notice? An email?



  61.  #61Femininewoman on January 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Just a notice upon trying to open the link. It is the first time this happened.



  62.  #62Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 11:48 am

    FW –

    Didn’t you see in the news? US government closed the MegaUpload website.



  63.  #63Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Turquoise,

    RE: #52 – I get it.



  64.  #64Femininewoman on January 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Nope



  65.  #65Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Omgosh they closed it???

    Wowzers.

    I heard about Kane west and Kim kardashoan supporting it staying open….

    Well I wonder what cool new way to share will show up now?

    All the past shutdowns have t seemed to shut much down.



  66.  #66Ella on January 21, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Turq

    Where were you talking to me about a man?

    Its just I think I missed the post and I would like to read it.

    Thank you.



  67.  #67Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 11:56 am

    FW, thank you for this. I get it now.

    “I encourage you Turquoise to really start practicing feeling messages with every one in your life until that shift takes place for you where your heart is just hanging out there for your man to reach in and touch it.”

    I feel like shivers and tingles all down my spine reading that Im waiting for a man to reach in and touch my heart. Wow. That’s it, that is what I’m doing….. I feel kinda shaky, like AHA!!!! SEE!!! RIGHT THERE!!!! THAT IS IT!!!!!! STOP WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE ME FEEL OK TO FEEL SOMETHING BIG!!!!!

    Thank you feminine woman, wow….

    Ok, so practice my feeling messages with everyone, not just here on the blog, which I rarely do anyways. Be conscious of how I feel always. I’ve always been an overthinker, over rationalizer… But feelings??? Just protecting myself more than anything and not feeling mostly. I mean, I do love my family and my friends, they know that. It shows, but even in my family, we rarely say I love you. I tell my girls all the time… but my parents and siblings? I’ll write it in a card and say it maybe once or twice a year.

    Reading all these mushy gushy feelings on here all at once when I’m catching up on a lot of posts, makes me feel sick sometimes. Uncomfortable even. I just learned to keep so much inside for so long… probably because there weren’t many people to share it with, and I’m always the “strong one.” Pick up the pieces, keep moving on…. I try to be positive, encouraging, good to everyone. I’m complimentary, but mostly that is about everyone else.

    Ok, so how I felt about shoveling the snow.

    First I felt overwhelmed, it’s a big long driveway, this is the first heavy snowfall we’ve had this year. Then I felt frustrated with myself that I couldn’t find my snowboots or waterproof gloves. Well, I found one glove and that was kinda worse. I’m pretty sure I know where the boots are, but I couldn’t get to them because the van was in the garage. Oh well, put on my other boots, cotten gloves, and get started.

    The snow looked so beautiful, reminded me of a HUGE storm we got 2 years ago, where we were snowed in for a couple days until the roads were cleared. My brother in law and nephew came to help dig me out, but I was out sledding with my girls and it felt so nice and happy to come home and see someone had come to rescue me! 🙂 Today, I felt a twinge… no man to come rescue me. Oh well, get shoveling…. one trip down, oh crap, I’m already tired, I feel hungry and my back is hurting. Many more trips… boy I need to get in better shape, I’m winded! Then… I hear a mans voice saying he’ll do it for me, he has a snowblower! Wow, so nice. I feel seen, not ignored or just waved to, but he wants to help. I finish the main part of the driveway, and feel proud. Smiling, noticing I DID IT! Then, I went inside to warm up. I show my little one all the snow and she asks why the neighbor is doing the end of the driveway and sidewalk, and I just say he wants to help. Feels nice to get help. Feels taken care of to have someone do things for me.

    Now, my little one has been invited to go to a friends for the day and to sleep over. I feel guilty that I don’t feel like going out with my friend for her birthday. I feel bad, and know I’d be disappointed if she didn’t come out with me. But I feel worse to make my daughter go stay at my moms where she won’t have a good time. She slept out last night, they were up late, she’s tired.

    Going to take a bath, relax and try to figure out what feels best to do tonight.



  68.  #68Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Daria,

    RE: #59 – Cool! Yes, so far it feels really sticky to lean back with Kenny. We jokingly swear with each other, and he keeps saying in the silence, “You’re an a$$hole!” Then he laughs. Or else he just attacks me again and again about being on the computer while we’re talking.

    I insist, “I’m NOT on the computer!”

    “Then why aren’t you paying attention?”

    “I AM paying attention!”

    And I have sensed his discomfort. It developed originally with me leading because I’m the one out here living life while he’s stuck in prison. So we primarily talk about my life.

    LOL, I am enjoying changing the vibe of this, and he is so safe to practice with, cuz he loves the dogsh1t out of me, as he words it!

    Today he finally starting chatting about TV programs he watched. He got beyond filling the silence with, “I love you.”

    I mean, come on, it feels great to hear “I love you”, but you say that 25 times in a 15 minute conversation? It gets weird. So I started just saying, “Thank you”, instead of having a two way conversation:

    K: I love you!
    B: I love you!
    K: I love you!
    B: I love you!

    LOL! When I said, “Thank you!” a few times, that’s when he called me an “A$$hole” jokingly. This is really healthy for me!

    Daria, you are sounding SO healthy and positive and wow! What a role model Siren!



  69.  #69Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Daria – There will be something very soon, I’m not afraid. Everyone went crazy a few years ago about Napster. Lol, since that, how many music sharing sites have opened?! 🙂



  70.  #70Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    1267: Turquoise says:

    Ella…. I dated a man who didn’t like to text much, I didn’t hear from him everyday, but if he said we had a date, we did. I always set a time because I need to arrange a babysitter. I don’t think there is anything wrong with valuing your time enough, that when the idea of the date comes up, you agree on when and where (and if he’s picking you up, you give him your address or he says he’ll contact you for it) so that you can plan your day. If you let it be known right up front how valuable your time is… I think they are more likely to respect it. It was frustrating though, becuase I often felt like I needed to text and make sure we were still on if I hadn’t heard from him…. and that may have come across as needy or in a not trusting his word/him sort of way. I used feeling messages to say it felt better to hear from him, etc. but it ended up fizzling out after a few months. I still hear from him now and then. I ended up going to see U2 with them, on what was probably the most expensive date I’ve ever been on. Our tickets were $250 each, and he paid for everything. Some of my friends were down there tailgaiting so we met up with them for some food and drinks…. but he even asked if he could chip in. He was a good guy, the best of all the guys I’ve dated….. but he couldn’t commit to a cell phone plan, let alone a woman with two kids, so that was disappointing.

    Saturday, 21 January 2012 @ 6:56am



  71.  #71Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Where do you download your music? I used to use Limewire, but it got shut down.



  72.  #72Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Turquoise: Pirate bay. It’s apparently secure, and you can download full CDs and movies and series!!



  73.  #73Senior Lady Vibe on January 21, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Etta James – “At Last” (Original Stereo)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciu7JjF2ssg
    In Memoriam, 1938-2012.

    The world loses a treasured artist

    Singer Etta James, beloved by multiple generations of fans, has died of complications from leukemia at age 73.



  74.  #74Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Lizka,

    It’s ok to enjoy your lazy day, but I think you’ll feel better if you get up and go for a run. Might clear some of the NV’s away, and the endorphins will make you feel even more sireny and shiny. 🙂 So will pretty toenails. 🙂 I know you feel disappointed that you haven’t heard from P. It seems to me that a true siren, really does believe that she’ll be fine with or without them, that she is the prize…. and the right one is out there. HUGS!!!!



  75.  #75Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    LIzka, not saying you aren’t a siren!!! You did great the other night! 🙂 Thanks about Pirate Bay!



  76.  #76VW on January 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I’m on my bridge…i feel teary…intense…i feel smiley…and a big sigh…like waving good byes…

    Couple of days ago, J sent me a beautiful email…it felt good to be acknowledged for my growth and changes…during our back and forth interaction the past few months, each time i sensed the slightest uncomfortable feeling – i honored my feelings…spoke my truth…in a kind, honest way…and not allowing to be pulled in any negativity with him (some messages from him felt blamy at times…:( )…always waited…didn’t initiate anything…

    I stood on my bridge….

    K contacted me in the same day as well…he remembered about my “routine” on Thursday nite…going out salsa dancing…he said he will be in the area…and hopes to see me…i said i might come out…he then sent me his itinerary…lol…all the places he’s gonna be at…adorable…i end up going out…but went to my spot…not his…yet, i told him where i would be at…he came to see me…we hang out for a few hours…he made me laugh hysterically…i felt happy to be with him…it reminded me of our time together going out, having fun…he complimented my looks, outfit…getting closer to me…sigh…and yet, i stood on my bridge…thanked him for the nite and went home alone….

    IT the same…as attractive as he is …and as needy i’ve felt off and on the past few weeks…i stayed on my bridge…and i say yes to proper feeling good dates…

    Tomorrow, i confirmed a happy hr first date…i feel open to meeting him…hmm…not excited…but that’s okay…it allows for space to be “surprised”…

    i feel mellow, relaxed, content today…i feel tingly in my body…enjoying my own company…hmm…i like these feelings…



  77.  #77Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Thank you Turquoise!! This feels good to read!

    I feel disappointed but at the same time I was not expecting anything. I just feel a little afraid that he will never do… 🙁

    Still juggling with the idea to go run or not… It’s so cold outside…



  78.  #78Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    #11 Brenda

    “Losing weight is a big enough challenge to me without jumping thru someone else’s hoops. And I don’t like Weight Watchers. It is a joke to me.

    Overeating is about emotional issues, not knowing what to eat and in what amounts. I could write a book on how to lose weight. I know how to prepare food, etc. It’s just a matter of doing it. And, yes, having the money to buy it. ”

    I don’t believe WW is a joke TBH or a matter of jumping through hoops it is just another way of helping to understand about portion control and making the right choices.

    I too could write a book about yo yo dieting, what to prepare and cook and Brenda you are so right it is about putting on our boy hat and just BLOODY doing it!!

    Taking the first baby step to take back some control in our lives maybe??

    What do you think?



  79.  #79Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Can we maybe have another team?

    A taking back control of our food intake and choices we make maybe??



  80.  #80Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Ok I know what I’m gonna do to feel good. I’ll take a pile of magazines and make a list of things, clothes and cosmetics, I want to buy on my next pay day. I will also make my budget.

    And when I’m done I’ll read my book. It’s an incredibly good book!!! And might do my nails. lol

    It’s funny how I feel this lack of motivation!!!

    GO LIZKA!!!!!!!!!!!!



  81.  #81Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Hey! For the Canadian sirens here, there is the movie “How to lose a guy in 10 days” playing on Cosmo TV.

    Just saying. I think it’s like a parody of what we’re doing here… kind of.



  82.  #82Senior Lady Vibe on January 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    @11: Brenda says:
    “…SLV,
    Losing weight is a big enough challenge to me without jumping thru someone else’s hoops. And I don’t like Weight Watchers. It is a joke to me…”

    Perhaps I misunderstood your interest. I understand now.

    I’m not looking for hoops either. I was following up on something you posted about joining Weight Watchers and I was soliciting your input and support for myself in case you were following the Dr. Oz Weight Watchers program.

    I became a Weight Watchers life member in the 1980s, complete with HUGE brass key which I carried around for years… but now missing… boo hoo. I don’t like WW all that much either. I believe in my decade the then WW low-fat plan is not as good for women in my decade as whole foods, healthy fats.

    I was not suggesting that you don’t know about nutrition, not at all: I was hoping for some encouragement. I guess I’ll be “The Little Red Hen” and do it by myself. I could probably write a foods book too; I’ll consider your post a bit of inspiration to do that.
    😀

    A whole lot can happen in a year… let’s see how it goes for me.

    Another new SLV motto…
    “A whole lot can happen in a year…”

    Now I’m getting excited again. I’ll make up a song in a bit to encourage myself…

    xoxo

    Brenda:
    “…I got a case of lemon-lime flavored seltzer water from a food bank. I found it blends beautifully with pomegranate-blueberry juice!…”

    SLV:
    I’m on a budget too. That drink sounds yummy! I drink “half juice and half water” (also half tea and half lemonade) all the time. I’ll try that combination.



  83.  #83FlowerChild77 on January 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I can’t remember where but, recently, I heard that our bodies are part of our vibration and when we put ‘bad’ things into them it messes up our alignment.

    This really stuck in my head. Realizing that eating only healthy foods strengthens our alignment with the LOA/Universe is really an inspiration for me.

    It’s not that I don’t already know eating poorly or ’emotionally’ is one significant way not loving ourselves………but seeing the mind-body connection in this way feels like finding a precious gem…and a way to tie it all together.

    I just wanted to share that…maybe you all know this already. But it’s new to me! 😉



  84.  #84Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #78-79 – A hard core overeater like me knows that portion control is NOT the answer. Overeating is a SYMPTOM, not a cause.

    Do you really think someone like me looks at Weight Watcher’s website and says, “Oh, really? A half gallon of ice cream isn’t conducive to weight loss?? I had no idea!”

    No, I overeat cuz of emotional distress. I get chip-faced, as Sandra Bullock says on “Miss Congeniality.” I don’t need to monitor my intake.

    I NEED TO GET HEALED EMOTIONALLY!!!!!!!!!!!

    That is why I have been focusing on Rori’s website and programs. That HAS to come first before weight loss. EMOTIONAL ISSUES ARE THE CAUSE.

    Fatties don’t need an eating program. I am now finding emotional healing at a deeper level than ever before. I am eating right as much as my finances will allow. Very soon I will be re-starting on MediFast. I know what to do. And it’s not a matter of will power. It’s a matter of emotional healing.

    Weight Watchers is a joke.



  85.  #85Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Flower Child,

    RE: #83 – Right on!



  86.  #86Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Well, my evening worked itself out. My little one went to a friends to sleep over, and my older ones plans didnt work out. Too late to get a sitter and se doesn’t want to go to grandmas, so I cancelled with my friend and am going to spend the evening with my oldest. It’s rare we get a night that is just the two of us, and I feel very happy to have some us time tonight. We’re going to see the movie Joyful Noise and to get some dinner. Last night I spent with my little one, having pizza and snuggled up on the couch, tonight my big girl, who is only 11 and I will have that quality time too. I’ll make it up to my friend soon, and all will work out fine.

    I had too much boy energy in me so instead of taking a bath I did my dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Now I can relax in the tub and then get ready to head out. I need to check movie times.

    Hugs to you all. Happy Saturday…. no matter where we are in the world, feels nice to be connected here.



  87.  #87Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    CO has been emailing me every day or two with “How are you? or “Good morning” -type messages.

    At first I was responding with feeling messages. He just wouldn’t get the conversation off the ground. So I decided today to just ignore his messages.

    I am out to date, not stay in an endless relationship of “Hi, how are you?” Boring!



  88.  #88Memulo on January 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Turquoise I too have a hard time being tough because I’m afraid to hurt someone’s feelings.

    Making dinner for a date. Feeling distanced.



  89.  #89Daria on January 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Brenda – have you checked out Jenna LaFlamme ?

    She is a coach and does pleasurable, emotional loving weightloss. I felt inspired by her exercises on how to feel good eating



  90.  #90Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    I heard from a man on POF who has written to my many times before, but I never gave much interest to. He just seemed to try too hard, and was also writing to some of my friends, and anytime we realize we’re all hearing from the same guy, bleck.

    But, I wrote him back. He immediately wanted to chat on yaoo or FB, and I used my feeling messages to say that I don’t feel comfortable sharing my fb with a man unless I’m dating him. I have children, photos, etc. and hoped he’d understand. We’ll see what he says. I think a lot of these guys just want to chat, and I am not interested in that anymore. I don’t have that much free time… and now that I chat here on the blog, feel much less interest in chatting online with men. If you want to get to know me, ask me out. That is a new boundry for me. Not spending a lot of time chatting to keep someone company. I hate that.



  91.  #91Sun Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    87-Brenda,

    So smart to ignore the message. Then, if he wants to really get to know you he will have to put in more of an effort. I so wish I would have ignored LPs last message and kept him guessing about me. Ugh…ok, lesson learned!



  92.  #92Senior Lady Vibe on January 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Thank you, thank you, Daddy… for teaching me to make beautiful magic when things don’t go the way I first hope.

    Yay! Love you!



  93.  #93Daria on January 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I asked my dad to do a menial fristrating task for me – fill my humidifier – and he did it!

    Not very well – only 3/4 but he did it !

    And…
    We were talking about tennis and I knot iced how jumpy I feel and wanting to impress. So I eked out a feeling message and felt a lil better!

    I noticed I felt the way I do arou d a guy I think is cool and impressive!!!
    It all reflects on my relationship w dad wow.

    I want to tap on Oedipus complex Erika style cuz I’m feeling a lil freaked out that I’m so attracted to my dad or something

    That feels so uncomfortable to say!

    I’m not gona have sex or marry my dad lol!

    But I want to feel unconfortable and not weird w physical affection

    I’ve felt weird since I was 12 and my mom complained about the way my dad was hugging me that it looked like hugging a gf and it’s not appropriate anymore

    I felt horrified and icky and that feeling and memory has stick w me



  94.  #94Senior Lady Vibe on January 21, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    I take inspiration from other women out there on the “interwebz…”

    Here’s Whitney, a happy 20-something woman, doing her thing, working her show, eating healthy… and…

    loving her life… letting her man chase her until they caught each other. (Hubby is in the video too…)

    I gotta find that skin detox tea…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIlGoqCI_34&feature=channel_video_title

    ~



  95.  #95Daria on January 21, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Senior lady vibe – how do you make beautiful magic when things don’t go the way u hoped?



  96.  #96Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Brenda, you sound angry, and I hear excuses. I know losing weight isn’t easy, but there will most likely always be emotional issues in your life. You are human, and a sensitive woman. I don’t believe it’s a matter of when you are healed, but of healing enough so that it’s not a matter of when I have more money, when I can use this product, but of making good choices for yourself now. Did you ever see that movie with Bette Midler, where she gets kidnapped and instead of laying around and feeling sorry for herself and eating… she decides to get up, do exercise shows, use random stuff like paint cans as her equipment and she just DOES it.

    I’ve been wanting to/thinking about losing weight for years. And when I get real honest with myself, I know that I have made a world of excuses because it’s easier to lay around and place blame, shift focus or make excuses, than it is to get up off the couch, put the bag of doritos down, and exercise and eat better.

    Until you are ready to just do it, whether you feel like it or not… it won’t happen. You could waste a lot more years waiting for when you have the money or can get your medifast. It’s up to you.

    This week, I’ve lost 4 pounds by making better (not fabulous) food choices, drinking more water, and not eating late at night. All this thinking about my ex…. would be real easy to pick up some junk food and eat away the feelings, but I refuse. I really want to be my best self, and this is going to be my year to conquer my weight. 39 more pounds to go, and I am going to keep you all posted on my progress!!!!!! It feels much more secure knowing I’ll be accountable to others! I feel really great about those 4 pounds too!!! 🙂



  97.  #97Daria on January 21, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Thank you Brenda ! I feel surprised to hear that I sound do good! Hehe

    Feeling smily an a lil bewildered scared maybe?

    Guilty for feeling that way!



  98.  #98Daria on January 21, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Yay VW!



  99.  #99Daria on January 21, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    And last nite I did – ok almost did – something ‘cool’ social butterfly girls do which is have a guy waiting to pick me up while one drops me off…

    It want quite synchronized so I did wait 10 min but I felt very sireny even allowing myself the luxury of allowing this to happen

    I had one guy on standby for when I get back from pool and I pushed times back like an hour

    I know I used to make this happen w boy energy before so it felt cool to let it happen w girl energy without control



  100.  #100Butterfly Wings on January 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    1262 Lili (from previous thread) – I made the decision to trust TH in early December and things have been wonderful! But sometimes those stupid NVs push me right back to before I chose to do that! ARGH!

    He’s still asleep so I’m not sure if he’s gotten over his crankiness with me yet. I really hope so.

    I find myself wanting to make amends, but I suppose I’ll just wait until he says something and apologise then without making too much of a fuss.

    I’ll say something like “I’m sorry about how I was last night. This was my stuff and it wasn’t fair on me to dump it on you”, then I could just leave it there.

    And I’ve chosen to not talk about our relationship unless he brings it up from now on. Instead of needing the offiical “label”, I’m looking at his words and actions, and if they’re aligned with what I want, then I’m getting exactly what I want. And funnily enough, I really don’t need that label anymore. Before December I did! And what do I call him anyway? He’ll never be my “husband”, and “partner” sounds ick to me… hmmm.. will worry about that another time.

    TH does that to me too – he holds me when I’m upset but doesn’t say much (if anything). But it’s been quite a while since he even had to do that.

    I just need to focus on the fact that I am the woman he’s chosen to spend every spare moment with and for now he’s stepping up and giving me practically everything I want, so I need to stop beating him up!

    It’s hard huh Lili?? Because it’s the hurt from the past that’s affecting you now, so it’s hard NOT to bring that up or let it influence us! Sigh…



  101.  #101Daria on January 21, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    You know what I do w eating? I imagine evey ingredient and say thank you to it!

    That way even if I’m eating processed food that no one likes, I can honor the wheat plant, the corn, the sugar cane…
    And imagine them wild in the fields

    My body loves it too… It feels yummier and more sacred going in



  102.  #102Senior Lady Vibe on January 21, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Making beautiful magic is taking another look at a disappointment and seeing what else can be done, found, created, turned around… making it a game… Looking for other ways and resources to get the essence of the thing desired, looking for a lesson, a motto, a new custom or ritual, a new experience.

    All kinds of treasures can be discovered and created. And like Rori says: being open to new things and surprises. (and flipping… that’s a Rori thing but I think we’ve always done something like that too…)

    ~



  103.  #103Senior Lady Vibe on January 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    @96: Turquoise says:
    “…Did you ever see that movie with Bette Midler, where she gets kidnapped and instead of laying around and feeling sorry for herself and eating… she decides to get up, do exercise shows, use random stuff like paint cans as her equipment and she just DOES it….”

    Yay! She made beautiful magic!!! Making “the best of what there is!”
    😀

    P.S. “Making the best of what there is!” is what the beautiful magic is… oops,,, didn’t write that in previous post. But in a nutshell, that’s it!



  104.  #104Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #89 – Yes, thank you. I am on her email list.



  105.  #105Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Daria,

    Get used to it…you are a shining star!!



  106.  #106Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Turquoise,

    RE: #96 – I feel bad reading this post. Would it make you feel better if I say yes, I am a horrible person?

    I intend to lose 150 lbs this year. And I will do it. With or without naysayers.



  107.  #107Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Sun Goddess,

    RE: #91 – Tanks! I’m getting it!



  108.  #108Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Turqouise,

    There’s a reason why ex-drug addicts make the best drug counselors, because they’ve been there, and they understand stuff that only a drug addict could understand.

    Same with weight loss. I don’t think anyone has any business giving advice to a fat woman unless they’ve ever had more than 20 lbs to lose. I feel more than “Un-Got”!



  109.  #109Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Turquoise,

    Reading your post, everything in me wants to binge. I won’t, just to spite you.

    Talk about counterintuitive!!!



  110.  #110Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Oh Brenda… I never said or thought you are a horrible person, and why would I want you to say that??? Please. That’s being defensive talking.

    Me being a naysayer would be saying, Oh you’ll never do it Brenda…. I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying I know it’s hard to lose weight and it’s easy to make excuses. If you really try, you will, regardless of your financial situation or emotional state. It’s about making the choice and doing the work.

    Speaking of work… my abs really hurt from shoveling that snow. Guess those are muscles I haven’t used in a long time!



  111.  #111Ella on January 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Thank Turq.

    xoxox



  112.  #112Sun Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I want tore open my POF account, but I might be doing it just to upset or get a rise out of LP, so maybe it is not for the right reasons. I will sit on this urge for a little while before I make a decision.



  113.  #113Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I have a lot more than 20 pounds to lose. My goal right now is 45, (I’m down 6 since Christmas) but I could still lose another 20 after that and not be underweight for my height. I’d be pretty damn thin though, and that isn’t the goal, the goal is to be healthy and improve my quality of life, self image, etc. I’ve lost weight before, a couple times, but gained it back, plus more. I know it’s a struggle.



  114.  #114Ella on January 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    So I am sitting here writing in my nice new book, writing down my goals for next week, and I realised that there is nothing I can do about my money situation right now.

    I have stuff I have not been able to pay, but the money I am getting next week simply won’t be enough.

    My other jobs do not pay till the end of the month!

    I am not spening a lo of money these days.

    I just don’t know what else I can do!

    Sigh.

    Oh well, who knows, maybe something will come up and I will get some unexpected money.

    I am doing everything I can…

    The Zumba is going great.. and still I just don’t seem to be getting on top of it.

    Yet.

    I hope I do. I hope that this sitaution keeps improving.



  115.  #115Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Turquoise,

    When I’ve already stated in other posts that my main food available right now is only from food banks, it feels really bad to be criticized for eating Doritos.

    I feel furious.



  116.  #116Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Grrrr, I have pms today. I woke up feeling irritable.

    grrrrr

    I talked with a friend and she helped me to get perspective.

    She reminded me that I always want thing to be better, that’s just my personality, and that I have to take time to appreciate where I am.

    And I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders hearing that.

    I feel irritated with the state of my house. We had a bunch of water leak in through a skylight and get on my new rug. And everything just feels chaotic.

    And I love myself anyway.

    Still feeling grrrrr but a little bit better.



  117.  #117Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Ella, I’ve had a few months of deciding which bills to pay this month, just having some extra expenses with my car, the kids, the holidays and my house… and it’s a scary feeling to not have quite enough to cover it all. I just do my best to save as much as I can, catch up when I can, and still keep some money saved in case of an emergency. It’s hard to save money this time of year with utilities being higher, the holidays, etc. I do believe you can manifest good fortune though. Once when I really needed $250 to pay off my girls’ dance bill, I won $286 on a raffle. When I was filling out those $5 worth of tickets, I practically prayed into each one, inspiring it to be a winner!

    Your zumba sounds amazing and I believe it will give you good fortune. Believe in it, trust it…. and I bet things turn around quickly! Do you file a tax return every year like we do in America? I’m looking forward to my return this year. Unfortunately, I already know where most of the money needs to go, but it will be a relief to receive it. I also have some gold jewelry that I’ve been wanting to sell for cash. I keep holding onto it, in case I ever get stuck…. but it would feel good to have that extra cash in my savings, or put it towards my credit card balance.



  118.  #118Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Oh LG, that stinks! I’m sorry. 🙁 I know how much you were enjoying the peace and harmony you feel at home. Maybe you could look at it as an example in relationships…

    Sometimes things look and feel so wonderful, and then something crappy happens and leaks all over it. We feel bad about it, but is it something that can be repaired or cleaned up? YES! You’ll get that skylight fixed, just like the work you’ve done to improve your situation, and everything will be ok. You may even appreciate that skylight more after it’s been repaired!

    That might be a crappy story…lol, I’m sorry! Just trying to shift the focus, not take away from how you are feeling. Hugs! It will be ok!



  119.  #119Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    situation should say relationship…



  120.  #120Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Ella: I truly believe that when we do what we love, abundance will follow. It sounds like you are really contributing positively to women’s lives with your Zumba and other projects. I know things will work out for you.



  121.  #121Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I didn’t know that they gave doritos out at food banks. Maybe you can use that fury to burn some calories! When I get my best workouts in, is when I’m mad at someone else. Go ahead, be mad at me… use it to inspire a little fury in your workout.

    Brenda, we all care about you, we do. But maybe you do need to get mad and vent it all out. I hear a lot of excuses, I do. I’m sorry, and not just about the weight loss. Do you ever really express your anger about the things that have happened in your life? I’ve heard a little sarcasm and defenses… but not really any anger.

    I didn’t mean to offend you… I eat Doritos too and know it is hard to put the bag down after just a few.



  122.  #122Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Thanks so much, Turquoise.

    It’s so true (and not a crappy story at all 🙂 )

    It’s funny that you mentioned relationships too because I also feel so irritated with sweetie today. I just want to nitpick everything he does and I know it’s mostly because I am hormonal.

    Grrrrr

    These feelings will pass though.

    I’m going to create a sweet day for myself and put on some nice music, light some candles, and start beautifying.

    Thanks you your words and sentiments. I feel better already.



  123.  #123Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    YOu won’t just to spite me…..Brenda, oh my gosh, knock it off… I don’t want you to binge eat, I want you to stiop making excuses, decide that you are worth it, and take good care of yourself!!!!!!



  124.  #124Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    LG, my horomones make me act the same way. When I was married…. and start nitpicking, giving him a hard time, being overly emotional… he’d just hug me and say, it’s ok, you’ll feel better next week, or is it that time of the month already???? lol.



  125.  #125Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Brenda: I just wanted to say that seeing how you have dealt with your financial challenges and being homeless for a bit has been really inspiring.

    I love hearing about your new home and how you are dedicated to taking care of yourself in that regard even with the delays in getting your unemployment.



  126.  #126Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Turquoise: I warned him when I woke up that I am feeling very pms-y and he is giving me a wide berth today. Still being sweet but hanging out upstairs and giving me space.

    He’s learning 🙂



  127.  #127Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Oh and Brenda, I’m down 11 pounds since Sept. I had lost 15 with the move, gained some of it back and started working on it again at Christmas. I know it’s not easy. I’m not negating that at all… and I don’t have a garden in my back yard. Definitely cheaper to buy mac and cheese and frozen pizza than fresh veggies and meat. I know. But drinking lots of water and getting some exercise is free. You can counter act the carbs if you want.



  128.  #128Ella on January 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Brenda re 84

    Yes I totally agree.

    Emotional healing and behaviour change…

    Breaking habits and replacing them with new ones.

    Identifying triggers and finding solutions for those triggers, making plans for what to do instead when we get triggered.

    Dealing with setbacks in the least damaging way.

    Babysteps.

    As ever I am here to support you with this if you would like someone to bounce ideas off and encourage you.

    xoxox



  129.  #129Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    LG, smart man 🙂 Hope you feel better soon. I have to and get moving… time for my mother daughter night.

    Brenda, I’m sorry I upset you. Wasn’t the plan. I know you have been through a lot and can get through this too!!! You remind me a lot of my sister… she had a lot of reasons why she couldn’t lose weight, get a better job, get rid of her clutter. Until finally, she just started doing the work. It hasn’t been easy, she still has a long way to go… but losing 30 pounds in a few months fueled her to make a lot of other positive changes in her life! I know you will do it. I hope it’s soon that you start seeing results.



  130.  #130mali on January 21, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    @ Lush Oasis- 2

    Hear hear!! 😉



  131.  #131Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Turquoise: I feel so touched reading about your special nights with each of your daughters!



  132.  #132Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Turquoise: I feel so inspired by you and the that way you continue to love Brenda through her anger.

    Just really, really inspired.



  133.  #133Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    I notice that when people get angry, I just want to run and hide or get angry back…fight or flight.

    I would like to be able to step back and see that the anger isn’t the person.

    The anger is just a state and the person is so much more than that.

    They are a heart, and a soul, and their dreams and visions, a miracle.

    Anger doesn’t have to be scary. It doesn’t mean that my life is being threatened. I don’t have to go into fight or flight mode.

    cool



  134.  #134Ella on January 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    LG re 120

    I really hope so!

    I think that is true about the Zumba… that it is making a difference.

    It will feel really good to get lots of money from it too.



  135.  #135T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Brenda – I don’t believe Turquoise said you were a bad person or criticized you for eating Doritos. I think that when you get angry at someone on here (including me) that perhaps a small part of what was said is getting through? Like Dominique always says when something gets triggered to look to yourself first to see why.

    Sending you hugs even though I’m not sure if you receive them from me anymore.



  136.  #136T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    133 LG, that is so awesome what you wrote. I need to reflect on that myself.



  137.  #137Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Turquoise,

    Yes, I am full of anger. I have come such a long way in dealing with it in a healthy way.

    The food bank I go to gives whatever they get that’s outdated. Right now my cupboards are stocked with doritos, bread, spaghetti, candy bars, bread, spaghetti, soup, bread, spaghetti, chicken, bread, spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, bread, macaroni, milk, bread, rigatoni, chicken seasoning, bread, penne pasta, crackers, and I forget if I mentioned bread and spaghetti.

    I didn’t have any money to go out to the store to buy those things. I feel thankful that I have food, but they didn’t hand out any vegetables or fruits.

    Maybe you missed my posts where I talked about getting a membership at the Y, swimming, walking, helping my friend move, dancing in the living room, lifting dumb bells.

    The Negative Voices in my head from childhood are screaming as I read some of your posts, “No matter what you do, it’s not good enough! You’re a horrible person! You’re a failure!”

    I don’t feel inspired or encouraged to lose weight when I am told I am making excuses. That feels bad to hear. I feel judged.

    I would feel far more encouraged to simply read other Sirens days about going for long walks, eating delicious salads, which I crave, and feeling good.

    I really am not looking for any instruction on how to lose weight. Like I said, I could write a book on it. And maybe someday I will. I know how damn good I look in a size 12!



  138.  #138Ella on January 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Was wondering about creating one of those picture vision boards, and just haven’t really committed or felt the urge to do it yet.

    It is so not something I would usually do.

    However I like the idea.

    Definitely procarstinating with this.



  139.  #139Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    (((T-Girl))),

    RE: #135 – Thanks for the hugs! Right back at ya!

    I often feel judged and criticized on here. I don’t want to feel that way with you all.



  140.  #140Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Ella: 138

    That’s something that I have been wanting to do too and have been procrastinating.

    In the past, when I have really wanted something, I wrote it down on a piece of paper and then intentionally gave it up to the universe.

    I’ve only done it a handful of times, yet everytime I did, my wish came true within a year.

    I keep remembering that and thinking it’s time to do that again.

    I love magic!



  141.  #141Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Brenda:

    “The Negative Voices in my head from childhood are screaming as I read some of your posts, “No matter what you do, it’s not good enough! You’re a horrible person! You’re a failure!””

    The thing is, these are your NV’s talking because noone has ever said those things to you here.

    I know it feels awful to hear those things in your head though.

    I have my share of them too.



  142.  #142T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    139 Brenda – No, you aren’t being critized or judged at all. People here are just trying to help. I think some of your emotional healing is to dig deeper why you feel critized and judged? I don’t recall, you may have mentioned that?



  143.  #143Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Ella,

    RE: #128 – Right on! Thanks! I appreciate that! Zumba woman!



  144.  #144Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    LG,

    RE: #141 – I know. that’s what I said. MY NVs. I get it.



  145.  #145Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    T-girl:

    How is your daughter feeling?



  146.  #146Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    LG,

    RE: #125 – Thank you! I really appreciate that! I just love this house!!! Love it, love it, love it!



  147.  #147Ella on January 21, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Brenda re 108

    Oww, that feels a bit icky.

    I so disagree.

    I have been heavy… but not really big… had 20lbs to lose… maybe… depending what weight I want to be.

    However I believe I have a lot to offer people who want to lose weight because I am passionate about this topic, I have had my own struggles and I understand a lot about food, addicton and behaviour change.

    Feels bad to me to say someone must have been a certain weight to have anything to offer others who wish to lose weight.



  148.  #148Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    T-Girl. 142. I beg to differ.

    Late for going out with friends…dancing and listening to a friend’s son’s band play! TTYL!



  149.  #149T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    LG thank you for asking. She is still not doing well. Her fever keeps spiking, she hasn’t eaten anything. I am feeling so helpless right now…

    I am trying to stay on top of the fever. I am debating taking her back to the hospital but I don’t think they will do anything. She goes back to her doctor on Monday so I guess the best thing is for me to keep on top of her fever.



  150.  #150lilybelly on January 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Sinking further into the uncomfortable feelings I;m having as the evening fast approaches.

    Ugh…



  151.  #151Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Oh, you know the other week when I sent a blanket message out to all my POF CDs with my number.

    Well the only issue is that since then they have been calling me and I have not had the time or energy to talk to any of them.

    Well one of them actually called me a liar!



  152.  #152T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    (((Lilybelly)))



  153.  #153sensual on January 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Oh my gosh. I’m at the festival in utah and I ran into my number 1! Sorry I know we’re not supposed to have favourites, but if you read my story when I first posted on here about the one who went back to his ex-girlfriend and it drove me to focus on rori raye methods even more bc he said he can’t tell how I feel and that I like him am such a do-er and even though he knows logically that this ex is all wrong for him in comparison to me, she is able to just “be” and he finds that peaceful. It hurt 🙁 but lessons 🙁

    So I run into him I’m going to call him scorpionCD bc he’s all scorpio and was giving me those big loving scorpio eyes and he said he was going to call me last week bc we haven’t spoken in so long. He was so into me and I did my best to use feeling messages to describe how my life has been going. And he asked if I’d like to go skiing with him tomoro. I felt confused and then later he told me that him and his gf are broken up right now. (Again) so the rest of the night he followed me around, my friend said like a puppy dog! And we danced but I felt sooooo nervous! It was so hard to be a siren with all those nerves! But i did ok! Then this morning he text me: any chance you will ski with me today? And I soooooo wanted to but I feel scared to get mixed up until I know he’s properly not with her anymore not just “broked up right now” and also he hurt me by sleeping with me and then chosing to go back to her so I don’t want to be so available so I wrote :oh my goodness…I would love to ski, it would feel so fun to be out on the snow with you, but my friends are talking about going( ) today and I feel bad to leave the group. Hopefully there’l be another time. He just wrote: makes sense. Have fun. See you later! (We’ll likely be at the same venue tonight) but I felt his message was a bit cold and I just hope I did the right thing by not going, I had such a boring day and all day long I wished I’d taken the chance to have fun skiing with him 🙁



  154.  #154T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    I’m going to do something I haven’t done in a long time. I’m going to pour myself a good, stiff drink.



  155.  #155Dominique on January 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Laughing Goddess – “anger is just a state and the person is so much more than that.

    They are a heart, and a soul, and their dreams and visions, a miracle.”

    I love this…

    xxoo



  156.  #156Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Oh T-girl, I can imagine that feeling of helplessness.

    I hope she feels better soon.

    I feel moved that she has a great momma around to nurture and care for her. hugs!



  157.  #157Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    So I spent the last hours making my budget (it felt good because I am going to have a little more money on my pays in the next months) and to do the list of clothes and cosmetics I want to buy at my next paid day.

    While I was doing that, I was feeling good and not thinking of P.

    But as soon as I stopped, it got worst and I started crying. I feel stupid because I know I have no reason to be crying. Yesterday I was all “we had a nice date, I know he will call me back”, and deep down I still know he will. But now I just feel crazy scared and my heart feels tight and I am teary. 🙁



  158.  #158Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Hanging out on, and spamming the blog, because, I am on a Facebook diet, just for tonight!



  159.  #159sensual on January 21, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Oh my gosh. I’m at the festival in utah and I ran into my number 1! Sorry I know we’re not supposed to have favourites, but if you read my story when I first posted on here about the one who went back to his ex-girlfriend and it drove me to focus on rori raye methods even more bc he said he can’t tell how I feel and that I, like him am such a do-er and even though he knows logically that this ex is all wrong for him in comparison to me, she is able to just “be” and he finds that peaceful. It hurt 🙁 but lessons 🙁

    So I run into him I’m going to call him scorpionCD bc he’s all scorpio and was giving me those big loving scorpio eyes and he said he was going to call me last week bc we haven’t spoken in so long. He was so into me and I did my best to use feeling messages to describe how my life has been going. And he asked if I’d like to go skiing with him tomoro. I felt confused and then later he told me that him and his gf are broken up right now. (Again) (but they were together over new yrs, so its recent) so the rest of the night he followed me around, my friend said like a puppy dog! And we danced but I felt sooooo nervous! It was so hard to be a siren with all those nerves! But i did ok! Then this morning he text me: any chance you will ski with me today? And I soooooo wanted to but I feel scared to get mixed up until I know he’s properly not with her anymore not just “broked up right now” and also he hurt me by sleeping with me and then chosing to go back to her so I don’t want to be so available so I wrote :oh my goodness…I would love to ski, it would feel so fun to be out on the snow with you, but my friends are talking about going( ) today and I feel bad to leave the group. Hopefully there’l be another time. He just wrote: makes sense. Have fun. See you later! (We’ll likely be at the same venue tonight) but I felt his message was a bit cold and I just hope I did the right thing by not going, I had such a boring day and all day long I wished I’d taken the chance to have fun skiing with him 🙁



  160.  #160T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Thank you LG. It means a lot to me to hear that. I feel like I’m not doing enough but I don’t know what else to do.



  161.  #161Camille on January 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Sensual
    r u at the film fest? Im 15 minutes away!



  162.  #162Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    I feel so sad, I wish I could tell P “Please let’s give it a try, I want you to see how I’ve changed, I will not me manipulative anymore. Please.”

    But yes I know it’s ridiculous and of course I won’t do it. I can’t force him to love me. I’m so afraid to not have the occasion again to show him how sireny I am…



  163.  #163Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    ((((((Lillybelly))))))

    Stay strong.

    You are doing so well and I feel so inspired.

    Sorry you are feeling icky.

    xoxox



  164.  #164Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Lillybelly:

    Just remember this…

    Everything is going to be okay. You are a lovely goddess and you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.

    This is normal what you are experiencing and a good sign. It means that you are putting out the vibe that you are a woman who is worth commitment. It’s normal for a man to step back and check in with himself before he makes a commitment like that.

    Mostly likely, this guy will step up and figure it out and if he doesn’t, then that is because there is someone even better out there for you.

    It’s so clear to me that you have a great future. It just radiates from you.

    Everything is going to be okay!



  165.  #165Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Owww, do you think it is ok to write out my feelings about honesty on my blog.

    I am pretty darned sure that MWC does not read it and it would feel great to have an outlet for my feelings about this.

    I have been wanting to write a blog post for a while.

    Also want to write about masc and fem roles in dating.

    I am only asking, because I thought it was ok to write that FB status the other day and it turned out to be catastrpohic (well, not great anyway).



  166.  #166Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    “Everything is going to be okay!”

    Yes I agree.



  167.  #167Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    T-girl: All you can really do, besides basic physical care, is be present and loving and pray, or send out some positive intentions.

    Maybe even trying to lighten the mood by finding something fun you can do together, like watch a movie or brush her hair or something.

    Is there some special treat that she really loves to eat that you could get her?

    Maybe nurturing her emotional body. I know when I would get sick as a child, a lot of it had to do with my emotions. Maybe she is feeling bothered by something that happened at school or with her friends.

    Anyways, these are just ideas. I’m sure you know exactly what to do.



  168.  #168Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    My Dear sad feelings and tight heart feeling,

    I love you. I’m not sure to understand why you are here today, but it’s ok. You are welcome. I know you will not stay there forever. I know you’ll probably be gone by tomorrow.

    I love you

    Lizka



  169.  #169Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Not to say that the emotionally thing caused the problem but resolving it might help strengthen her immune system so she can fight off her illness.



  170.  #170Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Lizka re 162

    I know how frustrating that can feel! I have been there.

    And you know what has felt amazing and suprising, is that often when I give up on that man completely, focus on myself and let it go,

    Then wham, bam, suddenly I get a do-over.

    What is often funny is that sometimes by that point things have moved on and I really no longer have the interest or want to say that to the man anymore.



  171.  #171Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Lizka: I wonder if the sense of urgency you are feeling somewhat caused by that oxytocin release that we get after being intimate?

    Those hormones are powerful things! 🙂



  172.  #172Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    And Lizka, it seemed like what you were doing was working for you. You leaned back, cd-ed, focused on yourself, and he contacted you out of the blue.

    Now is the time to just keep doing what you were doing.



  173.  #173lilybelly on January 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    AWWWW, Thank you Ella, and LG~

    xoxoxo



  174.  #174sensual on January 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Oh my gosh. I’m at the festival in utah and I ran into my number 1! Sorry I know we’re not supposed to have favourites, but if you read my story when I first posted on here about the one who went back to his ex-girlfriend and it drove me to focus on rori raye methods even more bc he said he can’t tell how I feel and that I, like him am such a do-er and even though he knows logically that this ex is all wrong for him in comparison to me, she is able to just “be” and he finds that peaceful. It hurt 🙁 but lessons 🙁

    So I run into him I’m going to call him scorpionCD bc he’s all scorpio and was giving me those big loving scorpio eyes and he said he was going to call me last week bc we haven’t spoken in so long. He was so into me and I did my best to use feeling messages to describe how my life has been going. And he asked if I’d like to go skiing with him tomoro. I felt confused and then later he told me that him and his gf are broken up right now. (Again) (but they were together over new yrs, so its recent) so the rest of the night he followed me around, my friend said like a puppy dog! And we danced but I felt sooooo nervous! It was so hard to be a siren with all those nerves! But i did ok!

    Then this morning he text me: any chance you will ski with me today? And I soooooo wanted to but I feel scared to get mixed up until I know he’s properly not with her anymore not just “broken up right now” and also he hurt me by sleeping with me and then chosing to go back to her so I don’t want to be so available so I wrote :oh my goodness…I would love to ski, it would feel so fun to be out on the snow with you, but my friends are talking about going( ) today and I feel bad to leave the group. Hopefully there’l be another time. He just wrote: makes sense. Have fun. See you later! (We’ll likely be at the same venue tonight) but I felt his message was a bit cold and I just hope I did the right thing by not going! I had such a boring day and all day long I wished I’d taken the chance to have fun skiing with him 🙁



  175.  #175lilybelly on January 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    T-Girl~

    So sorry to hear your daughter is still running temps…poor peanut.. Chicken broth? Pedialite pops to help keep her hydrated…?



  176.  #176Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Ella 170 –

    Yes I know. That’s what happened. I focus on me, stop thinking about him and he came back after 2 months. Now I’m just afraid that it takes another 2 months before hearing from him…

    Thank you for your support, it really feels good.



  177.  #177Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Sensual: I would encourage you to be more honest with him about why you didn’t want to go.

    I would be careful not to flood him with too much at one time.

    I feel torn.

    I want to go, yet I feel hesitant due to our past.

    Or you could decide to let the past go and live in the moment and see what he is offering now.

    As long as you have strong boundaries, you won’t be so susceptible to getting hurt.

    Authenticity and honesty are important here as well as being warm and open.



  178.  #178Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Anyway, nothing BAD happened. It’s all in my head. All NVs. Really. I should still be on my little cloud. I am wondering if it’s not the bad date with LaughingCD that makes me feel like this…



  179.  #179Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Ella: 165

    I think it’s important that you keep expressing yourself on the blog as you desire. This is a big part of who you are and your purpose in life and I see you with a man who understands and supports that…a man who feels attracted to that.

    Oh yum, I get tingles just thinking about him. 🙂



  180.  #180Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    LG –

    Oxytocin? I don’t know much about hormones and what they do. I haven’t think it would be my hormones… Can you tell me more about them? If you don’t have time, I’ll just Google it. I want to learn more.

    About 172 – Thank you so much. I know it but I just so need people to remind me. Yes I did great and he came to me. I did nothing bad during the date so he should come back fast enough. I hope.

    I hope I feel better tomorrow and can start to do focus on me again.



  181.  #181Starla on January 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Well, lots of nice compliments in text form today from CF

    but no mention of tomorrow. Now, I know we are on for tomorrow…but still no mention of a time.

    I did a great job going to class and shifting the focus back to me. So the urgency dissipated, which feels like a huge relief!

    I’m wondering since this is just a recurring issue that comes up only every so often, if I shouldn’t call him tonight and just be like “hi, 11 am would feel good tomorrow. what do you think?”

    or I could text him, “what time do you think I should be ready?”

    Maybe I just need to accept this part of him. He does so many things like a perfect gentleman, maybe I need to reevaluate how urgent and bothersome I let this issue feel.

    I’m not sure. I just feel like I am giving the issue A LOT of steam, and maybe in the end, I could just row the boat and say “hey what time?” i prefer to know what time, because i like to plan things. he’s more of a “call you up around that time and play it by ear” guy. That’s not me. Maybe I should start taking responsibility for the fact that I’m just different from him, by making a simple fone call or text message.

    I fear that after learning all these wonderful tools from Rori, that I overanalyze certain things and let them be a reflection of my self worth.

    In the past I never worried about overfunctioning, but I wasn’t getting good results. Now I’m mindful of it, but I might be hurting myself just as much by stubbornly refusing to function at all, feeling let down by it and like if I call him to ask what time he wants me ready, I am somehow worth less as a siren.

    What do you ladies think?

    He knows I like having specific plans to look forward to, and so he purposely made some firm plans for us. Just no time. I should have been more detailed when I said “specific plans.” He picked a day and a time frame and a place, just not a time itself.

    Hehe oh god my head is swimming again.



  182.  #182Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Lizka: I don’t know a ton about oxytocin. FW has mentioned it before. Hopefully she will add what she knows.

    Basically it’s a bonding hormone that we get after being intimate with a man and also during childbirth and while breastfeeding.

    It can cause these sort of desperate feelings or sense of urgency after being with a man, where even though nothing bad has happened we still feel the desire for MORE!

    Just having an awareness about it helps me to understand when I am under its spell. Sort of like knowing that I have pms and that the world really isn’t as irritating as I am seeing it in that moment…know what I mean? 🙂



  183.  #183Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    I’m reading about oxytocin on Wikipedia right now… I don’t see that it comes from “intimacy”… It seems to be when a woman gives birth…



  184.  #184Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    #84 Brenda

    Why are you so angry?



  185.  #185sensual on January 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    @camille -yes I’m here, if you’re only 15mins away you should come check It out!

    @LG thanks, you’re right honesty and authenticity, but I felt scared to get into the heavy stuff so soon with him and I also felt bad to accept his first invitation to hang out since he hurt me. It will take a while for me to trust him again. But certainly if he asks to meet up one-on-one again then maybe I should express why I feel hesitant. Maybe I should say something if I see him out tonight



  186.  #186Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Starla:

    How do you feel about saying something like

    “I’m feeling anxious about not knowing what time we are meeting tomorrow”?



  187.  #187Starla on January 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    And then I start thinking “he is just not going to call, and blow me off.”

    oh come on, brain!



  188.  #188Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Lizka,

    It takes as long as it takes, as frustrating as that is!

    Lets do a communal

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

    Keep focusing on you.

    It starts to feel good!

    xoxox



  189.  #189Starla on January 21, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Lizka,
    Wikipedia = not the most comprehensive articles. They’re community-driven, which means you should never take anything there as truth. Let me find you a scientific article.



  190.  #190Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Ohh on the English version they give more details than in French:

    They talk about “after stimulation of the nipples” [yes yes, very stimulated], “recent studies have begun to investigate oxytocin’s role in various behaviors, including orgasm” [yes orgasms also]…

    And Oxytocin stays twice longuer in a woman’s body than in a male…



  191.  #192Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    LG

    Awww thanks.

    That feels so good.

    Actually I meant on my blog, on my website.

    Anyway I did write something on honesty, however have not posted it yet, as I am feeling a lil tipsy after having a couple of glasses of wine, and I want to wait until I am straigh headed, and check the post and whether I want to publish it.

    Think I will post what I typed here.



  192.  #193Ella on January 21, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Here is what I typed on honesty:

    Well, I just wanted to type something about honesty, because it is a theme that has been coming up for me in my life recently.

    I love re-occuring themes for me in my life, because there is usually some kind of message for me, even if I don’t always get what it is.

    Well honesty for me is really important.

    And I like to think of myself as an honest person.

    But, how honest am I really?

    I mean I don’t outright lie about stuff, but how often do I do something for my own agenda, whilst disregarding someone else’s feelings?

    I get really, really triggered when I think that someone is lying to me.

    And I want to tell them I know they are lying. But, I don’t really believe that that will actually help the situation. I want to tell them so they don’t think I am a mug, a push over.

    But why do I really care what they think?

    If it is someone I care about or like maybe I want them to be honest, because I want to remain close to them, and I really feel like I am no longer comfortable remaning close to them if I feel like they are not being honest.

    How can I? It is a discrepancy between what they are telling me and what my intuition is telling me.

    But then aren’t we all dishonest to some degree?

    Where do we draw the line?

    I understand that people are often dishonest because they have thier own insecurities, I mean we have all told the odd porky to make ourselves look better or when we are frightened of telling someone the absolute truth. Maybe we don’t want to push them away, so from that point of view it could even be called an act of love. Although maybe not real love.

    When someone is dishonest with me, it feels like they are not trusting me with their reality. They do not trust me to accept them as they are, icky parts and all. And that feels bad.

    I want that chance.

    Although I understand how scary it can be to show our real selves, particularly if you believe ultimately that those bits of yourself are unlovable. I mean how can we? They are so ugly? I mean really. No one will understand. No one could love us if we show those parts of ourselves could they?

    Well I don’t know but I want that chance with people.

    Because without that honesty there is no space for intimacy to grow.

    If I am only seeing the surface version, how will I ever get to really know that person?

    Of course, no one has to tell me anything.

    And it is the right of any person to only tell what they want to tell. However I do believe that holding parts of ourselves back can have a detrimental affect on most relationships.

    Maybe I have to understand that people have a right to choose what they share with me.

    I suppose if I don’t like it I can always leave.

    But, for me, I prefer brave honesty.

    I believe that in showing all parts of ourselves, even the icky bits we create space for real intimacy to grow. We can be seen.

    And in being seen, we can eventually let love in.

    And we can be loved.

    For who we really are.

    This is what I want for me. In my life.

    This is what I choose to create.

    Although I still feel a a loss as to how to be around someone who I believe is not being honest with me. Or even whether I want to be around that.

    I feel interested to hear what you think about this.



  193.  #194Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Sensual: I know what you are saying about not getting into the heavy stuff so soon. I agree that wouldn’t be a good idea. If you do bring it up tonight, I’d try to be honest without being heavy. And not focus on the past too much, really stay present with what he is offering right now.

    And remember if he asks you out, it’s just a date, free therapy. You can’t get hurt unless you put a bunch of expectation and meaning on to it.

    Just have fun and hold your boundaries.

    This is exciting! I love when they come back.



  194.  #195Starla on January 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    186 laughing goddess

    i feel weird saying it, because i feel like i’m blaming him for my anxiety.

    i feel like he would think “well uh so why don’t you just ask me about it??”

    He wouldn’t say that…cuz it’s a lil rude and he is the least rude person ever, but it just seems like drama for me to be like ohhh i feel so anxious…

    if i said “what time?” and he was like “let me get back to you” and pushes me off, then i might say hey actually i feel anxious not knowing, and don’t want to feel this way when it comes to planning my time.

    but i think he’s just clueless.

    Like when he didn’t call after sex, and just planned a date for a couple days later and texted to stay in touch… he was just clueless. not being weird or hiding. just clueless.



  195.  #196Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Ella 192

    I meant your blog when I wrote that but it wasn’t very clear. I still stand by what I said. 🙂



  196.  #197Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    @ LG

    “And remember if he asks you out, it’s just a date, free therapy. You can’t get hurt unless you put a bunch of expectation and meaning on to it.”

    Yes!

    I could do with remembering that often.

    Although the stuff about getting heavy, I feel like we can just meet it where its at, if it is heavy, its heavy.

    I hope to be light most of the time.



  197.  #198Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Oh Starla you are so sweet!!

    I know about Wikipedia. I’m an historian (I don’t work in history but I have studied history and still feel passionate by it) and I would never go there for scientific advice.

    In history, on Wikipedia’s article, dates, name and events are usually good. But the reasons, whys, hows, etc., are pretty discutable.

    I dopn’t know how it is for other sciences. And I am really bad at biology and stuff like that. Wikipedia is just easy for me.

    But if you find a short article that says it all, I’ll be happy to read it and to discuss it here after with all of you!!! 🙂



  198.  #199Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I remember the last time this happened, he actually didn’t follow through with the date. He called to say he wasn’t feeling good well after we were supposed to have met up, and said something weird like “my guess is you probably are busy now anyway.”

    I felt dumb because I went out and bought something special to wear on the date, and it just felt stupid and clingy and pathetic that i did that.

    and now when i’m done working i want to go buy a pretty dress for our date tomorrow.

    but i don’t want to feel dumb

    and i did talk to him about it back then (5 months ago), and for the most part it’s gotten better, except for moments like this.

    I guess I should come up with a backup plan where I can wear my cute dress

    And i am soooo scared of what will happen if he doesn’t call until noon tomorrow and it’s too late for me to go out with him without screwing up the rest of my day off (precious me time!!), so I’ll say sorry no. And he’ll get all sulky and stop talking to me forever.

    Or dump me, like how MyGuy dumped me any time I didn’t answer to his beck and call

    From Rori: Starla – I edited out this last bit that landed you in moderation (I know everyone will now be curious…and don’t know what to say or do about that…) – “Riffing” is different from what this statement said…so – help me here – what was your intent? Listen – I believe in that computer saying: Garbage in, garbage out – or garbage out, garbage in. Riffing makes it possible for you to express rage and hate in a way that doesn’t send garbage out. Because, surely, what you send out into the world is what you bring into your world. Love, Rori



  199.  #200Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    “Oxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around the mate.[20] Many studies have already shown a correlation of oxytocin with human bonding, increases in trust, and decreases in fear.”

    That’s what I found about Oxytocin… Doesn’t really makes sense with what I am living right now… Reduction of anxiety and decreases in fears? I wish…



  200.  #201Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    I remember the last time this happened, he actually didn’t follow through with the date. He called to say he wasn’t feeling good well after we were supposed to have met up, and said something weird like “my guess is you probably are busy now anyway.”

    I felt dumb because I went out and bought something special to wear on the date, and it just felt stupid and clingy and pathetic that i did that.

    and now when i’m done working i want to go buy a pretty dress for our date tomorrow.

    but i don’t want to feel dumb

    and i did talk to him about it back then (5 months ago), and for the most part it’s gotten better, except for moments like this.

    I guess I should come up with a backup plan where I can wear my cute dress

    And i am soooo scared of what will happen if he doesn’t call until noon tomorrow and it’s too late for me to go out with him without screwing up the rest of my day off (precious me time!!), so I’ll say sorry no. And he’ll get all sulky and stop talking to me forever.

    Or dump me, like how MyGuy dumped me any time I didn’t answer to his beck and call

    UGH, F*CK THAT GUY AND F*CK EVERY GUY EVER, FOR MAKING ME FEEL ANXIOUS. I AM GOING TO STAB THE PLANET WITH MY LASER KNIVES AND EAT BABIES FOR A MIDNIGHT SNACK AT SUPPER TIME, WHAT NOW B*TCHES????????????



  201.  #202Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Ella: I know what you mean about the heavy stuff, like if we are feeling it, isn’t it authentic to express it?

    At the same time, oftentimes that heaviness is more due to our own stuff, nv’s, thoughts, and all that. And this is keeps us from being able to be in the moment and be present with what is really happening right now.



  202.  #203Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Re 193,

    I wrote all that on honesty, but what if the truth is that when there is a man there standing in front of me, willing to be open and honest, can I handle it?

    Do I really want it?

    Can I really handle that intimacy?

    Or do I find petty reasons to reject him and push him away???



  203.  #204Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    ““Oxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around the mate.[20] Many studies have already shown a correlation of oxytocin with human bonding, increases in trust, and decreases in fear.”

    That’s what I found about Oxytocin… Doesn’t really makes sense with what I am living right now… Reduction of anxiety and decreases in fears? I wish…”

    Because you’re having a crackhead withdrawl reaction when you’re not being dosed with oxytocin.



  204.  #205Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    LG re 201.

    Yes like that.

    That feels good 🙂



  205.  #206Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    hhahahaha!

    Hide your babies, people!



  206.  #207Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    #45 Brenda

    I feel that is what it is for a lot of us and why we have such fear and misgivings in doing it the RR way even though we know logically this is the right thing to do………..we are soooo scared of x disappearing out of our lives forever we hang onto what little we have……….



  207.  #208Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    @ Starla

    “Because you’re having a crackhead withdrawl reaction when you’re not being dosed with oxytocin.”

    Yes! Lol.



  208.  #209Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Oxytocin is the b*tch that has me at the get go!!



  209.  #210Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    182 LG

    Ohhhh! I understand what you means!! It makes sense!!!!

    And yes, I love knowing this, because I just feel more “normal”. THANK YOU!!!

    If anyone else have infos about Oxytocin, I’d love to hear about it!!



  210.  #211Francesca on January 21, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    I can’t catch up with the posts.

    I’m only at 817 on the previous blog and at 120 on the Pulling Flak blog.

    I’m feeling overwhelmed.

    I don’t want to post about my stuff here if I don’t get to read all the other posts.

    I might sound weird to you but I don’t feel I’m worthy of sharing my experiences if I’m not aware of everyone’s journey.

    Does it sound foolish to you?



  211.  #212Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Just post, Francesca!



  212.  #213Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Oh, so it’s not the Oxytocin that makes me feel weird today, it’s more the withdrawal that makes it. Now I get it. Sorry Starla, I had to find the translation of withdrawal…

    So it’s because I suddenly had a lot of it and now I don’t… I see…



  213.  #214Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Sorry if that sounded pushy.

    It doesn’t matter if you know what is going on with everybody. 🙂



  214.  #215Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Hum, probably on a withdrawal of nicotine too… haven’t smoke for 24 hours… lol

    I think I’ll go smoke.

    I already feel better just because I know about this ocytocin thing. Yes, I feel more normal. And more like “well the cold turkey thing will go away in a few hours, no?”



  215.  #216Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Francesca, it’s only fair you do what us Spammers do, and post your stuff without reading everyone else’s.

    I catch up as much as I can, whenever I can, and I trust everyone else does the same:)

    So what’s on your mind, girl?



  216.  #217Lush_Oasis on January 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Ladies, help. I feel the pit of despair yanking its cords and toying with my willpower to NOT overfunction and reach out and contact any one. So far, my self-control has won, but I don’t know for how much longer I’ll feel strong enough not to “reach out”. Hmm.

    I’ve considered posting to other dating sites, but feel discouraged by the lack of quantity / quality of men that are in my area. I have been on and off the sites for the past few months and feel like I’m the one with a faulty rubberband! Grr.

    I don’t have the finances to register with the paid-member services (eHarm; match; etc.), but I’m feeling edgy to re-post on POF or some other free site.

    What are your thoughts? Do any of you know of other free sites?



  217.  #218Laughing Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Lizka: I think Oxytocin also causes anxiety because it’s the bonding hormone and if the person we are bonded to isn’t around, we feel this sense of anxiety like a woman would if she lost her baby.

    (no pun intended re: baby-eating Starla)



  218.  #219Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Francesca,

    Post away.

    I would say its probably pretty much impossible keeping up with ALL the posts unless you did it as a full time job!

    xoxox



  219.  #220Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Lol I feel stupid about this hormone thing. Just re read the last posts, and I realize it took me so much time to understand something so easy… lol

    Blame it on the language barer. I feel afraid that the sirens will think I am slow now. lol



  220.  #221Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Re oxytoxcin,

    And also the anxiety if we end up bonding to someone who is less than great for us!

    Oxytoxcin doesn’t seem to discriminate.



  221.  #222Dominique on January 21, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Lillybelly – I sent you a message earlier today.

    Sending love.

    xxoo



  222.  #223Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Lol, I also had to go on urban dictionnary to make sure I understand crackhead:

    1. crackhead
    a broke ass mutha fucka who relies on crack to sustain daily life. Often seen running at full speed for a multitude of reasons.



  223.  #224Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Lizka re 219

    No!

    Lol.

    I am slow on getting things here all the time!!

    xoxox



  224.  #225Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    218 LG
    I know where that baby went to……..



  225.  #226Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Babies for a mid night snack…

    Ummmm

    😉



  226.  #227Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    ohhh lizka, don’t feel stupide. You’re not!



  227.  #228Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Lol, I also had to go on urban dictionnary to make sure I understand cr*ckhead:

    1. cr*ckhead
    a broke assss mutha f*cka who relies on crack to sustain daily life. Often seen running at full speed for a multitude of reasons.



  228.  #229Francesca on January 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    “Francesca, it’s only fair you do what us Spammers do, and post your stuff without reading everyone else’s.

    I catch up as much as I can, whenever I can, and I trust everyone else does the same:)

    So what’s on your mind, girl?”

    Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to report that I spent four days with my man and that he’s not sick anymore. And I felt so relieved because I felt that I was finding the man I fell in love with all over again. I swear, the weeks that he’s been sick with a cold were…a little testing, to say the least.

    But he came through, he was thoughtful and playful and he was willing to touch and kiss me more (he said that while he was sick, he felt too hot to even think about cuddling lol!).

    So we had a great time and I’m looking forward to the eight days I’ll be spending with him in February! 🙂



  229.  #230T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    200 Starla/218 LG – I am laughing out loud. I so needed that…



  230.  #231Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Off to smoke a cigarette. I think I need some drug if I can not have this oxytocin right now!! hehe



  231.  #232Francesca on January 21, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Ella – 218:

    I usually have time to read all the posts but not this past week, I didn’t!

    See above. 😉



  232.  #233Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    lol, lizka, crackhead= someone who is addicted to cocaine in rock form, someone who smokes crack rocks.

    Also used to refer to any sort of addictive behavior.

    I’m a crackhead for coffee, for example.



  233.  #234Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    A guy on POF who has been calling me and I have not felt ready to take his call said this:

    “you said you were going to call me but you didnt…yeah of course if l meet some l like miles away l would work out a plan life is not a straight line sometimes you need to out of your way to get what you want…but now l think l healed and got over it and stopped expecting your call.”

    And now I feel a bit bad and shoddy.

    Just being honest with him about how it is an energy thing and I have not felt enough energy to speak to someone new recently.

    He has called loads though, and seemed quite sweet.

    Amazing to think he needs to heal from me not calling him back though!

    I feel a bit mean.



  234.  #235Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    my numbering is all off because i put myself into moderation cussing up a storm again.

    sorryyyyyyy guys



  235.  #236lilybelly on January 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    221:

    I’ll go take a peek..



  236.  #237Francesca on January 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Starla, thanks for getting me to post.

    I read some of your story and I must say, wow!



  237.  #238Francesca on January 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    LG, thanks to you too!



  238.  #239Francesca on January 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    The worst thing is I haven’t even started reading the posts in this blog.

    Urrrrgggghhhhh….



  239.  #240Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    i feel terribly anxious not knowing what time i should be ready for CF tomorrow:(

    I am feeling really bad.



  240.  #241mali on January 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Eww…

    Ella, reading that, part of me would have felt bad too… and then my inner b*itch would have come out saying,

    “What the hell?! This is your insecurity. Did I say I would pick up? Do I wait for your call?! Hell to the NO! So if you got something to say, boy, you ask me direct like a MAN why I haven’t answered, don’t gimme some blah blah stuff…”

    ^ Yah. I’ve noticed I become really triggered by men who express insecurity in an indirect way.



  241.  #242Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Meah, too cold to go smoke outside. I’ll just smoke in the kitchen. Really really really bad girl. Hehe



  242.  #243Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    A man on POF when I asked him why he said he thought I wasn’t interested

    ‘I texted you and you didn’t reply so I assumed you were not interested’

    Oh FFS – MAN UP!!!!

    I can’t keep track of every text and I am a busy Siren.

    Besides I already said I don’t like lots of text!

    Grrrr.

    I know I sound bitter right now and I don’t care so much.

    Grrrrrr.



  243.  #244Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Awww, look what that guy replied to me saying it is an energy thing:

    “ok if an energy thing send me your address next l could post you up some redbull and maybe would could get this party started in here lol…sorry to hear you having trouble in your life l think you some nice girl even if you lived on the moon l would somehow smuggle myself on the nasa rockets to see you…”

    Awww.



  244.  #245Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Ella from the previous thread……….

    #1266 Ella

    You are joking right?

    Disrespectful for posting something you feel strongly about?

    It seems to me that these are just your boundaries…..,.



  245.  #246Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    I feel afraid to meet him though.

    I mean a guy like that can’t cope with me.

    With all my dysfunctional stuff… and that fact that I am a really naughty girl sometimes.



  246.  #247Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    I hope I wasn’t misunderstood about being disrespectful on facebook

    i just mean it’s only disrespectful if you’re doing it to send him a message.

    Ella I don’t think you did anything wrong my dear



  247.  #248Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Feeling better!!



  248.  #249Daria on January 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Ladies I felt this feeling at DUI class when I thought sonethng was unfair.

    It felt unfair is not really

    More like – I think I felt Powerless

    An an instant of that and I feel OUTRAGED

    Sooo furious

    Shaky

    And it’s tightening my teeth my tongue and cheeks

    For the whole 2 hours tho I let the incident go

    I shook some out just now

    I notice I feel this often and it gets stuck in my body – the adrenaline

    I want to heal this – I want to process through it without holding it

    I dono how

    It’s just holding!

    It’s still tingling the tip of my to tongue (literally)

    I dono how to let this flow and morph

    Ice recently found that howling crying lets grief flow and morph for me

    But outrage?

    And that powerless feeling…

    I feel sad

    Just pfftrrrrft out some more

    It’s like tension held!

    I don’t wana hold it

    I felt outraged!

    I want to express that non blamingly and let this feeling flow!

    I’m asking for all the help I need for this

    Thank u



  249.  #250Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Silver Moonbeam.

    Was that the stuff abou me posting on FB about honesty?

    No, not joking.

    It did feel dsirespectful, cus on some level it was a vague attempt to control and get at man to change his behaviour, even if I did not fully realise it at the time.

    Its not the post that was the problem, it is the spirit in which it was posted.

    xoxoxox



  250.  #251Starla on January 21, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Ella, 244, that’s for him to decide if he can cope with your personality.



  251.  #252mali on January 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Haha Ella- MAN THE HELL UP is usually my response to these sorts of messages too!

    I guess in feeling language: I feel bored. or I feel disconnected. Or icky. Or just darnright BLEURGH



  252.  #253Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Starla

    Yeah… just feel like what is the point.

    I know practice.

    I just honestly don’t feel like I could ever be with a guy like this.

    But I will give him a chance like all the others, in the name of CD-ing, if I ever find the energy!



  253.  #254lilybelly on January 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Dominique~

    I sent you one back and am sending lots of love to you.

    Thank you!

    xoxo



  254.  #255Ella on January 21, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Mali,

    This is what I said:

    “OMG Really?
    Lol, that feels terrible.

    I mean I am really bad at text! I think I said that. I much prefer phone and real life meetings and tend to forget about texts, esp when I have not yet met the person!

    I feel kinda cross (not your fault).

    I don’t want a man to think I am not interested because I forget to reply to a text. It feels too shaky, like the link is not really that strong.

    What do you think?”

    Probably way too strong and whatever but its what I felt like saying.

    I chose these words.



  255.  #256Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    For me. it isn’t over

    Adele

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qemWRToNYJY



  256.  #257Francesca on January 21, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Well, I’m going to have to let you sirens go for this evening.

    Been working hard today and yesterday and I’m tired.

    I’ll go watch a show on tou.tv and then I guess I’ll tuck myself in shortly after.

    Need my beauty sleep.

    Good night!



  257.  #258Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    well i texted him saying i was starting to feel anxious and angry
    and he called me right away
    and he tried to play it off, like “oh we just made plans a couple days ago” so i got angryyyyy. I told him “we made plans at the beginning of last week.”

    and i felt impatient
    and he’s like ‘this is one of the ways i need to change, i don’t expect you to accept me for who i am’

    he said it in a sweet way, but i was like

    “look, for me, this isnt’ about you needing to change. this is about if you want to go out with me, i need a time to plan for in advance. if there’s something i should know, i would feel open to hearing it, because maybe we’re just not a good match, but this is a serious hot button issue for me. i just can’t take this’

    i sounded frantic and bad.

    he seemed confused that i would have ever thought maybe we just weren’t on for tomorrow anymore

    and then i felt bad and guilty for feeling and acting angry, which made me feel angrier, like how dare you anger me and make me act not perfect!!!

    and he just said that i don’t need to apologize for my anger, and that he can take it. and i was like “thanks. i have a hard time dealing with acting angry because i don’t ever want it to hurt the people i deeply care about.”

    i feel angry and bad. f*ck him. he should have just texted me a time today, instead of letting it turn into this f*cking drama.

    and i get so terrified that if i bring any drama to a man, he will tell me i’m psycho and leave, like every other person that ever mattered to me

    and fuck, i don’t feel any bette,r i feel WORSE, and i don’t want to see him tomorrow, i just want to do destructive terrible things!!!!!!



  258.  #259Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    well i texted him saying i was starting to feel anxious and angry
    and he called me right away
    and he tried to play it off, like “oh we just made plans a couple days ago” so i got angryyyyy. I told him “we made plans at the beginning of last week.”

    and i felt impatient
    and he’s like ‘this is one of the ways i need to change, i don’t expect you to accept me for who i am’

    he said it in a sweet way, but i was like

    “look, for me, this isnt’ about you needing to change. this is about if you want to go out with me, i need a time to plan for in advance. if there’s something i should know, i would feel open to hearing it, because maybe we’re just not a good match, but this is a serious hot button issue for me. i just can’t take this’

    i sounded frantic and bad.

    he seemed confused that i would have ever thought maybe we just weren’t on for tomorrow anymore

    and then i felt bad and guilty for feeling and acting angry, which made me feel angrier, like how dare you anger me and make me act not perfect!!!

    and he just said that i don’t need to apologize for my anger, and that he can take it. and i was like “thanks. i have a hard time dealing with acting angry because i don’t ever want it to hurt the people i deeply care about.”

    i feel angry and bad. f*ck him. he should have just texted me a time today, instead of letting it turn into this f*cking drama.

    and i get so terrified that if i bring any drama to a man, he will tell me i’m psycho and leave, like every other person that ever mattered to me

    and f*ck, i don’t feel any better, i feel WORSE, and i don’t want to see him tomorrow, i just want to do destructive terrible things!!!!!!



  259.  #260Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    ugh, maybe i should focus on the positive, like i got angry but he said he could “take it” and not in a martyr way, just in a sexy strong man sort of way

    i told him i care deeply about him so i would never want to make him feel wrong or bad but i am feeling so off balance because i need to take care of myself too and this is really important to me.

    ughhh

    i just need to go out with my girlfriends and relax. i’ll go do that in about 30 minutes.



  260.  #261Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    he said he would always always always give me a time from now on, and apologized a bunch.

    i feel undeserving. is that the issue? is that why i feel so triggered?



  261.  #262Liz on January 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Francesca
    you should just post.
    hi everyone.
    i had an amazing day i felt all this heartache melt away and felt really clear after such an great gig, i just had to help my chiropractor set up and get her things as she gave everybody adjustments and we also had a reiki/yoga/aroma class and a walk the labyrinth class.
    I felt all this tightness leave my heart chakra and all this dark, constricting energy leave my hips and thighs and felt like I could release my need to work at things and just allow things to happen.
    Hey, Lizka, i think it makes sense about oxytocin. I am a biologist and I like wikipedia for biology posts actually. Yes, oxytocin gets activated when we get close to a man, even if we kiss or hug him. And hormones are so incredibly powerful. I understand why you feel like crying today. It must be hard not to have heard from him. I wish you went for your run, because getting physical will create oxytocin on your own. Also you can create oxytocin by bonding with girlfriends and hanging out with kids. I hope you get out and run soon, since you are training for that marathon….that is so cool, and when you run you will feel back in your own power again…..hope you feel better soon.
    hugs
    liz



  262.  #263Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I did sound so angry and tense and bothered, and i just feel so terrified of doing damage to a beautiful relationship.

    i’m scared.



  263.  #264mali on January 21, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    So, I wanted to riff and ask for some thoughts…

    I have a cousin who lives in the same city as me, and we’re like sisters.

    The thing is, that I’m a person who is a really good healer- I’m a natural counsellor, and I tend to want to make things okay for people… we’e both been feeling really down lately.

    Years back I remember, when she was living in her country, she was going through a break up, and I would chat to her every night. I would listen and make her feel better, and placate her… and I would do that even if I was sad or tired or whatever…

    But now, I’m more in touch with how I feel. Asian families are very tightknit, and tend to sacrifice a lot for eachother.

    On Wednesday, I was supposed to go round to hers at 11 pm-ish, and when she called, I was about to go and get a book from the library… and so it took me an hour to do all of that.

    She wanted me to go to hers then… it turned out that she’s just been told that her grandma had cancer.

    Now, she wanted someone there because she didn’t wanna feel alone. I get that.

    But I was depressed yself. And the walk to the library really did me good.

    When I went round to hers, she exploded and told me that she was disappointed in me, and that sometimes we have to do things for people even if we don’t feel like doing it or aren’t happy to do so. And that if it had been me, she would have come to mine immediately.

    So I told her that this wasn’t about comparing, but that I was already feeling bad… being around her in that state wouldn’t have been good for either of us. And either way, I NEEDED that walk. And I will put myself first if I need to.

    And after about ten minutes she apologised and said that she felt really bad… I feel happy that I was honest. I don’t know if it was “right”, but I’m glad I stood up for me.

    Yay me!



  264.  #265mali on January 21, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    I’m realising that sacrificing my own needs and expressing my emotions means that I don’t know whether I’m going too far sometimes… whether putting myself first when someone close to me needs me is the right thing to do.

    It feels like it is, and yet I’m scared that people might hold it against me. As in, if I need them, they might not get back to me straight away, or they will put other things they need to do first.



  265.  #266Peaches on January 21, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    @210 Francesca – yes!

    I feel a bit like this too. I’ve learned a lot from reading everyone’s stories, and I feel surprised that at the moment the best thing about being here is its stopping me from contacting the toxic man.

    I feel so bad about this, and know I’ll start to go into withdrawals by tonight, as I haven’t spoken to him since thursday night and its now sunday here.

    I feel bad cos he was mean and nasty and I felt like thats it – i am so sick of being disrespected. I got a text from him on Friday night that accused me of doing something I didn’t do, and I didn’t bother to reply and haven’t contacted him at all.

    Its all so complicated and a very long ugly relationship story where I alternate between thinking I’ve wasted 10 years of my life to telling myself there are gifts for me to receive from this and a better life and man is out there.

    At the moment what makes it extremely complicated is he’s now in the UK as his mother became ill suddenly, and she sadly passed away last Monday. I’m in Australia. I know he’ll think I should be more understanding (cos its all about him you know) and he’ll accuse me of not caring now.

    The only good thing about him being out of the country is I can’t revert to my usual MO and get in my car and go to his house and demand and apology……! And I’m proud of me for not keeping on calling or texting – he cut me off on Thursday and turned off his phone. He knows I usually have a big reaction to that.
    And now I’ve written this out it all seems so boring and pathetic and such a waste…..I feel really sad and lost and honestly don’t know what is the right thing to do.



  266.  #267Liz on January 21, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Even though I had a great saturday, I came home to an empty house that was cold.
    And I feel tons better than yesterday….actually feel really content and like I have a really blessed life…I guess I will use that feeling to bring in that man who would greet me and help me carry in the groceries, who might make me tea and cuddle with me on the couch and ask me how my day was…..so for now, I am creating my future reality by really imagining how I would feel having that man be interested in me and I would feel secure and stay in my space….I can’t wait to feel that way….that I don’t have to do or be anything special, that I am just right just the way I am.
    I am going to meditate now on it and FEEL IT. I am going to create a big grounding cord for my butt and feel myself connected to the earth and the cosmos and then I am going to visualize a big golden bubble of light in front of me with a man greetin me at the door and helping me with my groceries and telling me there is hot water on for tea and sitting with me to watch a movie and walking the dog together and giving me a huge, juicy kiss with some good tongue action and telling me there will be more of that later and I will just receive it all, that incredible, focussed male attention and I will believe in this visualization that I am worth it and i am lovable and a beautiful woman and ask that it be manifested and ask that all the ascended masters and relationship angels bless it and send it off to be manifested….anyone want to join me on this tonight? power in numbers and the more we all believe in our ability to magnetize our mates to us because we are just women and full of feelings and love then it will be easier for all of us to tip the scales….
    i am starting my meditation at 9:00 est and will fill up that bubble with all the details about that man and the great way it feels to have him paying attention to me…
    love to all of you



  267.  #268lilybelly on January 21, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    262:

    ((((Starla))))



  268.  #269Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Okay, wow, i’ve been here before, with all my guys. This angry feeling. This “oh god, i just showed my true colors” feeling after i get upset with a man.

    lots of girls rip in to their guys

    I didn’t rip in…but i definitely sounded hella angry.

    oh i feel afraid.

    and usually i just text, take back my anger, cause more drama, look for closure to feel better.

    NOT this time. I am going to sink into this feeling. And say “Starla, I love and accept you, girl, and you are so good for being aware of your own anger and wanting to be perfect to your men, and you are so brave for trying to find balance between being sweet and taking care of yourself.”

    Then I am going to go have fun with my girlfriends, and pick out something cute to wear tomorrow, and try to let it all go.

    i worry that i screwed things up with him, but then if i go to him with that worry, i might ACTUALLY screw things up with him.

    i just like him that much. that even if he does something to piss *me* off, i worry he will feel bad enough to leave.

    but if i’m that worried, the best thing to do is to move the eff on, and not make a big deal out of it.

    he heard you, Starla. He apologized and expressed that he would do it differently from now on. he even said it was okay to be angry.

    He is just as scared of losing you as you are of him.

    okay…

    wow this has been a fun experience (seriously though..i learned a lot!)

    bye sirens, be back later tonight!



  269.  #270Liz on January 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Hi Starla!!!
    That sounds challenging, but you let yourself be vulnerable…and being vulnerable doesn’t feel good initially…but he received it well and i am sure you will have a great time with him tomorrow…
    hugs



  270.  #271Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    and anyway, he will probably show up tomorrow with more apologies, and i will be feeling much calmer and i can say, thank you, i felt sooo angry and i don’t want to feel that way with you, and i feel so supported knowing that you heard me out and didn’t hold it against me.”

    and then all will be fine.

    i really do like him. even if he’s making me angry by not giving me a time to plan for and then trying to play it off.

    i need to remind myself that it’s okay in relationships to get angry. especially if the other person is willing to consider your point of view.



  271.  #272Liz on January 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    bye off to visualizing me new mate….



  272.  #273Starla on January 21, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    hi liz! thanks girl, your reassurance means mucho to me!!



  273.  #274Daria on January 21, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Starla – in Rori spirit I would want to assume no plans without a set time. Then when he shows up I’d be like… Ohhh I didn’t know and I made other plans

    Yes it might trigger grumbling but I don’t think he’d ever do it again

    It feels really scary doing it the first time tho



  274.  #275Daria on January 21, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I’ve ‘almost’ done it before



  275.  #276Daria on January 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Maybe I got frightened in my heart (I notice tongue is extension of my heart just like tcm says)

    Maybe I need to cry (or laugh)

    The tension is still there in my tongue and heart and

    Now I’m feeling tired sleepy

    I don’t know how to let it go, esp w people around right now

    My body is holding the tension there still

    Feeling sleepy

    Love to me



  276.  #277Daria on January 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Mali – I just choose to believe its healing all around. What first reassured me was when I saw others around me taking better care of themselves in the way I had first taken care of me. I was inspiring them even subconsciously

    And that holding back thing doesn’t much happen – I do get awful feeling reactions sometimes but to my surprise I can handle it



  277.  #278Daria on January 21, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Help! My tongue is still tingling!

    I love my tingling but it feel uncomfortable!
    I love my unconfortable ness!

    Thank you tongue

    Tongue… I feel angry! I feel outraged!

    I feel powerless and it feels humiliating and awful and scary.

    Frightening
    🙁

    I feel sad



  278.  #279siren song on January 21, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Wow the blog is blowing up!! Hard to keep up! I am playing a show tonight and get to CD with a room full of guys in warm room on a super-cold night!! I feel very lucky! Have a good night, ladies!



  279.  #280Daria on January 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I feel frustrated w myself and sad
    Im healing… This feels more flowy and aware than other times I want to be gentle w me

    We don’t have to let this go

    Sigh

    That felt good
    Mmmm

    It’s ok to feel this way
    It’s gona get me sick

    Aww thank you Daria and I choose to let it be healthy

    It’s healthy cux I decide

    I bless my tingling actually

    Hehehe

    (when I laugh it releases a bit more)

    Sigh that felt good

    My mom is like whatsup hehe she can tell when im tense.

    Also big – I asked my dad how to cope w the feeling I told him how I felt ! And what happened

    He gave me advice that I kinda brushed off don’t want to accept

    But it feels big to be able to have talked to him

    Oh gosh I wana smoke some weed now ..

    Speaking of DUI and self medicating – its cuz I feel drained from holding these emotions

    Ok I can try to feel objects that can let me feel it fully



  280.  #281Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    261 Liz

    Thank you for the informations!! I really appreciate!

    I didn’t go for my run because I was feeling so lame and lazy. But I plan to go to bed early tonight and go early tomorrow for a long run. Thanks for the advice, didn’t know it was the same hormone. This just gave me the motivation to never miss a training again!!! 🙂



  281.  #282Daria on January 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I think it’s fear that tensed my heart and it’s still tense

    I felt bad and unheard and unimportant

    And I felt frightened and Powerless and i felt outraged to feel that way



  282.  #283Zara on January 21, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Lizka

    Trust, morality — and oxytocin
    http://blog.ted.com/2011/11/01/trust-morality-and-oxytocin-paul-zak-on-ted-com/

    :)…..
    (((Lizka))) 😉



  283.  #284Zara on January 21, 2012 at 7:14 pm


  284.  #285Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Thank you Zara! I feel very interested about oxytocin and impressed by what it does to you…



  285.  #286Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I think P would be very interested about oxytocin too…

    I want to send him a funny feeling message like “I feel under the spell of oxytocin withdrawal.” Lol, I bet he would feel curious about it…

    Don’t think I should. Should I?



  286.  #287Butterfly Wings on January 21, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Well it seems that ex’s ex gf was telling the truth because the wife of one of his closest friends contacted me this morning and told me it all blew up at their house.

    He’s avoiding them right now and they’re NOT happy with him at all.

    I’m still very unimpressed too. Will see him tonight and tomorrow and won’t bring up the cheating, but will definitely hint that I know, saying I don’t care what he does in his personal life, but if it affects my baby, then I will NOT be happy!!!

    TH is still very quiet. I messaged him while I was out to see if he wanted me to pick up anything from the supermarket and he sent me a list of things, but that’s the most he’s said all day…

    Hopefully we’ll go for a walk tonight and clear the air…sigh…



  287.  #288Silver Moonbeam on January 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    #285 Lizka

    You already know the answer to this question, NO lol!! xxx



  288.  #289Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Lol Silver, I know… *sigh*



  289.  #290Zara on January 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    A much older video, about the mancrack, from Dr Helen Fisher who created Chemistry.com

    http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html



  290.  #291Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Now this is an interesting situation …7 friends at a table. Just found out D broke up with T, her live in bday…who hasn’t found another home yet. I’ve known him two yrs. He’s stumbling drunk and flirting w me liberally. M, my other friend, openly told me in front of him that she has a crush on him…I don’t. I just like him as a friend. Interesting to juggle all those dynamics in a loud bar!



  291.  #292Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Bday = BF

    Butterfly Wings…Damn Autocorrect! 😉



  292.  #293Butterfly Wings on January 21, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    291 Brenda – Haha! Darn that autocorrect!!! 😉



  293.  #294Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Butterfly Wings,

    Sad with you that ur having a rough day. 🙂 Hugs to you!



  294.  #295Sun Goddess on January 21, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    I just got back from the bar with a friend. I met some cute funny guys. Oh LP blew up my phone wanting attention when he found out I wasn’t sitting at home. I finally responded to him and he wants to go out tomorrow at 9am. He just needs to see me he says. Funny how not giving a damn changes things.



  295.  #296Zara on January 21, 2012 at 8:44 pm


  296.  #297Starla on January 21, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    I went out with the girls but they’re not actual friends… so i felt lonely. I came home the earliest i could.

    i feel bad and depressed. i think my period should be showing up any minute now *crosses fingers* it’s late and i don’t want to pregnant.



  297.  #298Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Hello, Ladies. Saturday night, and I am on the blog! And I’m not as bummed out about this as I thought I would be…

    A friend of mine had invited me to a party tonight, but she had to postpone it b/c she is sick.

    Part of me had been hoping that a “date” of some sort would magically appear to fill that space, but now that it’s the evening, I am actually super happy to be at home – happy and warm and comfortable….I had a long day; I’m tired. Nowhere to go. No one to worry about looking good for, or spending my energy on..it feels good.

    Tomorrow morning I have to be up early anyway for a brunch with some very fine ladies.

    Gonna get my oxytocin cr*ck fix on….



  298.  #299Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    “Gonna get my oxytocin cr*ck fix on….”

    hehe



  299.  #300Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    @Starla – hope you’re not preggers, too! (unless you wanted to be 🙂 ) but if you’re pms-ing, then that’s a pretty good sign. I’ve been there, too. Waiting and worrying. those last few days are the worst!!



  300.  #301Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Hi Lizka! 🙂



  301.  #302Zara on January 21, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    Lizka

    I was thinking… the woman who wrote her status about “skipping work after a date”, is she the same woman P was texting during your date?



  302.  #303Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Lizka,

    I saw what you were writing earlier about dating sites in your area, and if you have it, I would recommend OK Cupid! It’s definitely free (even for messaging), and the quality of guys that I met – in my area at least – was pretty good. Yes, because it’s free there are some guys who are looking to “hook up.” But you can easily weed those out. And I’d say most of the guys looked like they were legit. I have multiple friends who have found good BFs or GFs on there. And at least it’s good for dating practice!

    (Pretty sure it’s just OKCupid.com…)



  303.  #304Starla on January 21, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Daria, thank you for offering your input on my situation about no firm plans.

    I think you’re right…it doesn’t matter now because I just got really angry and he sure as hell knows now how much it bothers me.

    i’m trying to love my anger and feel proud of standing up for myself

    but mostly i just feel ashamed

    I used to get angry and mean all the time with other guys. Never with CF. I wasn’t mean tonight either though:)

    I did tell MyGuy a couple times when we had no firm plans that i already made other plans. He dumped me both times.

    I’m a little traumatized from that. I am learning not to trust the trauma though.



  304.  #305Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Ok, this is cute…just got a text from a guy I called today, on a whim. I was feeling lonely and Like I might have actually been up for some “action” tonight – haha.

    And I remembered that this guy had sent me his phone # and email last week. He looked cute, but I didn’t respond right away.

    In fact, I nearly wrote him something like, “here’s my #, I prefer it if the guy calls…” etc. But that was my second instinct.

    My first instinct was, “Well, if he’s rowing the boat, and he’s inviting me to call, then if I call, I’m not rowing, I’m responding.” And, in my experience, it is *always* better to go with my first instinct (checking, of course, to make sure that it is not a “knee-jerk” reaction)…Of course, I did feel kinda weird and giggly when I did it. And it was quite awkward, being that he has an accent, and I really couldn’t understand half the things he said…haha.

    But anyway, he just sent me a good night text. tehee.

    I’ll respond to him tomorrow and see what happens.

    I feel tired about dating more and more guys. But on the other hand, since things are in limbo with K, and since I’m not really 100% sure that he’s my perfect partner anyway, I might as well keep dating….



  305.  #306Starla on January 21, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    hmmm

    i think this might be a night for laying in bed watching my fav show and relaxing. maybe some crying.

    i feel low

    i feel like a screw up too.

    i leaned forward and texted CF some time ago but no reply. It was just some dumb sh*t unrelated to my anger.

    Little pervasive patterns.

    But I can stop the pattern at any time. Usually JUST STOP actually works good, but I lose endurance after a whole day and cave one way or another.

    Was I justified in my anger?

    Am I stupid?

    I feel really unsure.



  306.  #307Starla on January 21, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    I wish I could fold up into myself and *poof* disappear. I feel humiliated and exposed.

    I feel unloveable and like the world must find me disgusting in many ways.



  307.  #308Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Zara, no. The MeanGirl who wrote the Facebook status is a girl who doesn’t like me. The girl from the text message is another one, and she’s a friend. And I have total confidence in her. She has a boyfriend and she is madly in love. And I don’t think she told that to the MeanGirl either. Actually, I don’t think that P told the MessageTextGirl that he was with me. He said that it was just to go for a drink as friends. I trust him. He has thousands of female friends, way more than male friends. I don’t like it, but I don’t think it means something else than friendship for him.

    Feeling curious. Did you had something in mind when you asked that?



  308.  #309Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Hi Tiffany!

    Thank you for info about OKCupid! Will go see tomorrow if they have men in my area. 🙂



  309.  #310Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    I feel so fascinated with Toronto, all of a sudden. I’ve heard from at least 3 guys online who are from the Toronto area. (And yes, they are all Indian. Don’t ask me. It just seems that I have found my dating niche and it’s Indian…whatever that means…).

    I also saw a job post recently for a temporary position in communications at University of Toronto…I was SOOOo tempted to go for it. But then I thought, why try for something temporary? I have so much good stuff going on here! My new business is just – well, if not hitting a stride, I think picking up to a place where it *could* hit a stride…I have a tendency to jump out of things before they have a chance to get good. I uproot myself and start over because that’s more “exciting.” And consequently, I don’t have roots, I never feel on a solid foundation…I feel like I want to stick with something, just once. I feel committed to myself to do this, even if some far distant shiny object does catch my eye…Even so.

    But the other night, I had the most amazing dream. I dreamt that I flew to Toronto with a maroon-colored suitcase to visit one of my CDs. There was lots of snow, and people speaking french. He hugged me and kissed me in the dream. It was all very sweet, and very REAL. It had this real quality that I just love. Like something actually happened, and it changed me inside – and it did, of course, because that was my dream. It DID change something. It shifted something in my inner core that left me feeling refreshed, relaxed, rejuvenated.

    And it was one of those dreams that you wake up from, and you just want to keep dreaming…so you drift in and out of it, barely coming out of sleep, until finally, you hit consciousness, and you realize you have to get up because your alarm hasn’t gone off and it’s raining and you have an appointment to get to. lol



  310.  #311Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    @Lizka – yay! 🙂



  311.  #312Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    He isn’t like crack. It’s just my own insecurities.



  312.  #313Starla on January 21, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    What if the world notices the good things about me, and not all the bad things though?

    What if, for example, CF is thinking to himself “wow Starla really tries not to blame me, even when she’s feeling super angry and knows she sounds blamey, she at least says hey this is coming out all wrong and i feel terrible about that, that is so awesome”?

    and it’s true that it’s great progress from how i used to be, but i want to be even better. i want to treat people very kindly, all the time, especially a man who gives me so much happiness and acceptance.



  313.  #314Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Tiffany, if you are looking for a Toronto, I can probably help you.

    Just saying. In case you fall in love very deeply with a Toronto Indian.

    Are you Indian yourself?



  314.  #315Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Oh and when I say I can help I do not mean just because it’s my country. But because I work for a big recruiting firm and we have offices in Toronto. 🙂



  315.  #316Luzydel on January 21, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    My friend told me that “S” was going to bring me down if I kept contact with him; she was right. Yesterday after he canceling a movie; I told him I was done. That I was tired of caring so much for someone who doesn’t care etc. He started saying I was jumping into conclusions; that the reason he canceled was because he had many things to do etc. That he cares and that I should care also. Then again today he started with his hide and seek games; Now I am the one hurting myself.

    So I am done, This guy is a wreck and I am letting him inject his venom on me. I am done, no contact, I blocked his texts, calls unfortunately I cannot block his voice mails; Hopefully he doesn’t leave any. This time I was hurting myself, this time I was allowing to get hurt again. He doesn’t care, I was his back up plan. I feel bad that after learning so much from here and being so strong, I allowed this to happen. He doesn’t want to let me go, but he doesn’t want me either. I am so done! I cannot wish him the best right now, I feel so angry! so frustrated!
    I am talking to other guys, I need to be treated nice again by other men. I really want to have hope in men, and if I continue communication with S, I will be like a Junkie in a corner begging for a quick fix.
    So I am back to Siren Rehab.

    Thanks for listening



  316.  #317Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Can I just say that, reading through the blog posts tonight – as many as I can get to – I am just noticing how strong everyone sounds. Especially sirens who have been on here for a while, but the newbies, too! We all sound totally amazing, and even if we don’t have all our sh*t together, we all seem to be in a really good place of observing ourselves and making changes, and not getting too hung up on any one guy. It feels amazing, and I love the group energy! I don’t know if I’m a party to all that, but even so, I think we should all offer ourselves a collective pat on the back. We are pretty darn good. Rockstar material for sure. We are sirens, and we are totally going to find the right partners for us!…Yay!



  317.  #318Starla on January 21, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    that feels wonderful, i agree, tiffany



  318.  #319Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Ok. I’m going to brush my teeth and was my cute face and go to bed (maybe read one last chapter of my book) because tomorrow, I AM TAKING BACK THE LEAD OF MY LIFE!!!

    Tomorrow I am back on track, back on taking care of myself and back to not needing a man to love me and make me feel good.

    I’ll do all the stuff that I was too lame to do today, plus the stuff I was suppose to do tomorrow!

    Yay I’m a siren again… starting tomorrow! lol



  319.  #320Tiffany on January 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Lizka – Actually, it’s funny. I am not Indian at all! I am a total white girl (part French Canadian, actually! lol – a few generations back, on my dad’s side.) But for some reason, in the last year, I have dated a series of Indian men, and almost exclusively they have been coming toward me. Seemed like some kind of sign from the Universe. Or that there is something mutually attractive between us. I don’t know why, but I feel something speaks to me about it. And I also dance Bhangra and make fantastic laddoos…;)

    anyway, about your # 314 – really??

    I don’t know why, but I suddenly got this sneaky surge of excitement when I read that about your recruiting firm. Like my dream coming to life and manifesting itself all on its own… 🙂



  320.  #321Zara on January 21, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Lizka

    Yes. A comment on Internet might mean a thousand things, it depends who reads it.

    One of the possibility would be that during your date P texted to the woman that he was out on a date. The following day they both chat on facebook and he tells her he did not go to work, he was tired from his night out. And she just friendly teased him with her status, for a second, and then deleted the status. She might not even know you were on the date with him.

    OK, but she is not the same woman.
    Is P related in any way to the woman who wrote the status? The whole thing might be about P himself, not you, or even something totally different.



  321.  #322Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Tiffany

    It’s funny because I get that with Russian guys too. Well it’s maybe not that weird because I’ve always been attracted by russian culture and I did my major in russian history so I feel very attracted by this people. E, S and DjCD are all Russians… hehe But russian guys are also attracted to me I guess because if I go to a bar and there is one russian in the place, he always comes and talk to me! I guess, yes, it’s the universe. Universe made me love their culture, and universe made them love me! And even weirder, people I don’t know at all, often ask me when they first see me if I am Russian myself!

    And about the firm, I can’t promise anything, because I don’t work personally in the communication area, I work for another industry, but this week I’ll try to know if they have people recruiting for communication in Toronto and I’ll try to get you an name to whom you could send your resumé. 🙂

    I’m happy that you feel good about this. I feel afraid that I’m not 100% sure I can help you. I’ll try me best. xoxo



  322.  #323Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Thanks LG and T-Girl. I appreciate it 🙂

    LG, how old is your daughter and how long has she had a fever? I asked our pediatrician at what temp. I should be concerned and she said she’d be a lot more concerned and want to see the child with a 101 temp who wasn’t eating, listless, etc. than a child with 104 who had an appetite, some energy. She said it’s the combination of symptoms that are more dangerous than the actual temperature. I’m so sorry she’s sick, I know how awful that feels.

    My oldest and I went to see Joyful Noise tonight and it was good. I love inspiring movies and really wish I could sing. There were a few interesting dynamics with relationships, so it was interesting to see how they played out. I enjoyed it. We also did some shopping and had breakfast at Eat n; park at 11PM! 🙂 I’m ready for bed, but I hooked up our old computer to the TV and she is playing Club Penguin on the big screen. I gave her a 15 min. warning and then we are heading to bed.

    Brenda… that is a lot of carbs. That definitely would make it more challenging. I won’t give you any more dieting advice, but I don’t feel that we should just encourage each other, I feel like we should also share how we feel and what we interpret, to help us if we aren’t seeing it. Make any sense? Glad you got out with some friends, sounds entertaining!

    Starla, I think you brought up a good point earlier, to question if you could just ask him, was it worth it, does that make you less of a siren…. I think that we can follow most of the rules, but if it’s that upsetting to you to not know what time, rather than put yourself through all that, it’s ok to ask. Then the next time it comes up, make it clear that you want a specific time planned if possible. HE seems really into you, I don’t think you screwed it up. I’m sure things will look better tomorrow!



  323.  #324Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Zara, you might be right. But this is not the first time that MeanGirl uses Facebook to complain about what someone is doing at work.

    It happened many time, some people even did official complain to the HR department about that.

    One time, she even started rumours about me sleeping with a married man from the office, just because she saw us him taking care of me when I was sick at the office.

    Her blamey status always starts with “So now we’re allowed to do xxx at the office” or “I wonder why some people do xxx” or “I don’t think it’s appropriate to do xxx at the office”.

    This is why she is not on my Facebook anymore. I just had enough of these things. But I hear every week someone who gets in her nasty Facebook dramas.

    So I’m pretty sure the status was about me, even thought yes, she is related to him.



  324.  #325Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    And also, she commented on her own status ” I’m just a meanie, especially towards people who exhibit adolescant behavior like spreading rumors about yours truly”

    So it doesn’t seem really like a joke she would have made to him. But I’m not sure to understand it 100%… She is definitely not my best friend at work and I actually don’t talk to her at all and I avoid her as much as possible, but I never spread rumours about her… Not really my type…

    Seriously, I don’t think this is gonna be a judgement, but I really don’t understand how this girl is acting and thinking. It feels weird and misunderstandable for me…



  325.  #326Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Today on POF I heard from a 23 year old, a 27 year old, a 44 year old and a 51 year old…. why no one 38-40? That is what I want.



  326.  #327Turquoise on January 21, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Good night sirens, heading to bed for some beauty sleep. Sleep tight!



  327.  #328Emerson on January 21, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    All this talk about the megaupload shutdown…maybe that’s why I cannot get Vevo to work the past few days. It’s annoying.



  328.  #329Suzy on January 21, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    I just came across this site today and will appreciate your answer to my question. I met a guy about 7 months ago at an out of state event. We seemed to hit it off immediately and quickly became friends. He had briefly stopped contacting me around months 4-5 because I told him I wasn’t going to tolerate being teased or disrespected by him(He was teasing me but all the things he said were mean and disrespectful).
    After a while, he reached out and started calling again, he started saying he wants to visit or couldn’t wait to visit. However, just recently I asked him to define what we had, He said to me… “are we not just friends”?.. The statement really stung, even though he tried to buffer it by saying things like… he wants to build a strong friendship first, doesn’t want to rush into anything b/c of previous experience, and we’ve only known each other over the phone”….and now here is my question. How do i completely sever ties without being rude? He calls every day and I have not picked up his calls/replied his texts immediately.. yesterday and today. He sounds angry in his voicemail but reading some of the blog posts, it seems not being at his beck and call is the right thing to do. Should I tell him that I will not be talking to him as frequently? Should I just keep talking to him while keeping my options open? I have had been friends with men in the past who suddenly either stopped talking to me or found someone else, so I don’s want to wait on the sidelines anymore.Thanks for your insights.



  329.  #330Lizka on January 21, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Hi Emerson!! Haven’t see you for a while! Hope you’re doing great!!

    I’m off to my beauty sleep too! Today is a new day for me. The day I’m done with oxytocin cold turkey. Haha!!!

    Tomorrow and all the days after, I will love me!!!



  330.  #331Zara on January 21, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Lizka

    *** I’m not sure to understand it 100%…*** I never spread rumors about her… Not really my type…***

    So then, your name is not in the comment, the comment refers to something you don’t do and you don’t understand what she means… that looks pretty much like the definition of a comment that is not related to me 😉

    Or did you call her “meanie” in your private answer to the “friend” who emailed you her status?



  331.  #332Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    I cried in the car on the way to the show w my parents

    I guess that trugger triggered a lot of pain to cry about

    I feel better now… It would’ve been better to be able to howl out loud too!

    Thank u it felt like my lil heart feels safe to show me what to heal



  332.  #333Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Lizka – it sounds to me that she thinks you spread rumors about her and that you called her meanie

    She’s probably responding this way to feeling sad and angry



  333.  #334T-Girl on January 21, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    Hi everyone. Just popping in real quick to say my daughter and I are at the hospital because her fever spiked again. We have been here a couple of hours already and I imagine it will be a long night. The dr told her though that he is going to make her feel better tonight.



  334.  #335Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    U know what’s siren about me? I’ve been dating and meeting men at work with a herpes sore on my lip. No lipstick

    Whew that felt triggering



  335.  #336Zara on January 21, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    332: (((T-Girl )))

    I am crossing my fingers in France. Hoping they find out soon what it is.



  336.  #337Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    An I think I’m feelin horny lonely

    I was thinking all of a sudden missing Noah CD missing his cute butt and six pack

    He actually had a butt I liked like it was perfect and I don’t always get appreciative of guys butts … This was the only time when I’m like wow it looks really good w his body

    I miss him

    Thinking about maybe calling him

    But I think I drove him away a month ago by calling him

    So maybe I won’t



  337.  #338Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    (((((t-girl))))



  338.  #339Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    Feelin sad

    Lover cd turned me on the way he was bouncing his hips when I was in his lap

    I felt impressed

    But then I felt sexually pressured and u felt so dissapoimted cuz that feels bad and I’ve felt so good and respected and all about me sexually last time

    And he seemed respectful and took me on a non physical date last time

    🙁

    No lovers in site

    Mikeycd went down on me but then sexually pressured me… Then he freaked and blamed me for not answering his call and I don’t like that

    Umph

    🙁

    🙂 I feel better cuz I just thought even better quality batch is coming!



  339.  #340Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    Maybe I start getting sexually lonely every 6 mo now?

    I remember it was every 3 months I thought that was a long time when I was 19 20.

    But I have the impression I wasn’t havin a lotta sex then and seemed all ‘pure’
    Cuz I was careful maybe about not looking slutty

    Then I noticed when I didn’t have sex guys – maybe just guy who – seed to find me attractive

    So I decided to go won’t for like 9 months at the time and I was all feeling slutty or insecure when I didn’t

    Now I don’t want that anymore cuz I don’t want to prove my chastity

    But dammit!

    I’m like really not havin sex often at all !!!

    What the freakers!!!



  340.  #341Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Remember I was complaining of not havin had had sex in like a year…

    Till transformer showed up instantly followed by hawk man

    And now even since last time it’s been 6 months!!!



  341.  #342Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    I’ve made lots of progress tho eliminating instantly guys who don’t wana go down

    Maybe I gotta be more upfront about wanting a man to massage me as a way to get comfortable over a few days …

    And I want all about me sexuality

    I don’t have to be scared, I’ll just weed out ones who wouldn’t have been good matches anyway



  342.  #343Emerson on January 21, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    hi Lizka! 🙂 thanks for saying hi

    Sometimes when I don’t know what else to do and I don’t have the energy to do much I just waterwheel….and think of a couple things from I’m all that…then waterwheel…gonna go to sleep now doing waterwheel



  343.  #344Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Spam



  344.  #345nikita on January 21, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    sex+?



  345.  #346Brenda on January 21, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    Turquoise,

    RE: #322 – I truly appreciate all the help you have given me thru your words, so many times. Here’s the thing…I believe there is a reason why Rori encourages us to just stay with feeling messages and talk about our own selves, or respond with just feeling messages.

    She has proven that she is not about preventing us from arguing. On the contrary, she asserts that a good conflict now and then will challenge us to grow in our inner healing and relational skills. So she’s not just trying to keep a phony form of peace.

    I believe she is paving our way for relationship success by giving us this medium, a blog, to practice feeling messages, feeling messages, feeling messages.

    Rori talks a lot about judgment, and she strives to eliminate judgment in her own life. I look up to her very highly as a role model. I know she is human, and therefore inherently flawed, like me. But I have learned so much from her, and I try to be open to what she teaches, even tho her beliefs differ from mine somewhat. All truth is God’s Truth.

    When you say, “I see you making excuses for a lot of things”, I feel judged and misunderstood. It comes across as criticism because it isn’t my truth. All it does is leave me feeling shut down.

    That is your perception. Maybe I’m not making excuses at all. Is it possible that I am processing the whys of my whys? Is it possible that I wouldn’t be writing about my issues unless I knew they were issues and was journaling for self-insight?

    Maybe what looks like excuse making to you is me exploring what makes me tick, pulling it apart, like ripping the seam on a perfect-looking pillow, tearing out the stuffing, washing it, reforming it, stuffing it back inside, and re-sewing it.

    And that’s a messy process. But when it’s done, The pillow is truly clean and is almost like new.

    I admit, my weight issue and my relationship with food is an extremely sensitive topic to me. I just about hit myself upside the head every time I venture to write about it and then feel criticized.

    But, as with all things on here, I press on because I’m seeking complete healing. I want to reformat myself like I reformat messy documents in my profession. I want to remodel myself like my landlords remodeled my house. I want to fine tune myself like a piano, so my notes come out sharp and true.

    I am exerting a huge amount of effort toward this end. At times, it is like waking up out of a coma. What my reality was growing up was not reality at all. Baby step by baby step, I realize I can choose my thoughts, my feelings, my behavior. I don’t have to remain trapped in the patterns my life has set for me.

    Again, thank you for caring. I am also extra sensitive to criticism. or what comes across to me as criticism, even if you didn’t intend it that way. I’ve done an awful lot of re-evaluating how I was raised. I have concluded that if every time my parents had corrected me and poked at what I did wrong, that instead they had affirmed me for who I was or something I did RIGHT, I would have grown up far differently, with far more confidence.

    Just to give you an idea, once I cleaned the house up while my parents were away. I wanted to surprise them. I felt all excited and couldn’t wait to see how happy they would be when they got home late that night. I virtually had butterflies in my tummy in my excitement to please them.

    They walked in the door, and they probably said thank you – I don’t remember. What I remember is hearing, “You missed some dirt here on the carpet when you vacuumed. You forgot to clean out the strainer in the kitchen sink after you washed the dishes.”

    My motivation was drained. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough.

    I felt very surprised the first time my therapist told me that all eating disorders, from anorexia to bulimia to overeating, all are based in one overriding issue: control.

    I said, “You mean lack of control, right?”

    She said, “No, you overeat because it is something you can control when everything else feels out of control.”

    The more I thought about it, the more it resonated, even tho at first it felt alien.

    So backing up to Silver Moonbeam’s question earlier, about why I’m so angry??

    Because I felt overly controlled. It’s taken me decades to put my finger on all this stuff. But I felt so overly regimented. When I got alone, my inner self-talk was saying, “There, now you can’t stop me, can you?? I’ll say what I damn well please! I’ll eat as much ice cream as I want to! Fu(ck you!”

    But seeing that now, it’s obvious how self-sabotaging that reasoning is. Yet it is so deeply ingrained, that it’s hard to be objective. I feel forced and controlled? I feel criticized and judged?

    Damn it, where’s the ice cream? Let me see you force me to put that spoon down now! You can’t!

    So now I am gently re-teaching myself that TRUE control over my life is to exercise, eat grapefruits and salads, and love deeply.



  346.  #347Daria on January 21, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Hello I’m feeling horny in California 😉

    Wana see me strip on cam for 3.95 a min bad boy?



  347.  #348Daria on January 22, 2012 at 12:05 am

    Go Brenda ! I feel sobby moved by that last line…



  348.  #349siren song on January 22, 2012 at 12:10 am

    Wow. Cding even yourself is awesome. One cd offered to drive me to my show because there’s a cab shortage and it’s FREEZING here, so I let him (with pleasure!). He dropped me off (sent me a good luck text as soon as he dropped me off) and I had a great time singing with a band full of boys who seem happy to have a woman in their midst. Then practiced tools with random guys, and came home to a invite from another cd for a date on tuesday. Such a far cry from where I was even a year ago. Rori rules. She is so right about cding.



  349.  #350mali on January 22, 2012 at 1:19 am

    Oh, I feel so moved reading your post, Brenda, because it resonates with me…

    It triggered a memory for me… a time when, as a child, I cleaned the bath perfectly. And I did it as a surprise for my mother, but when she arrived home she didn’t notice. And the child me didn’t want to ask for acknowledgement if she didn’t notice… she felt ahy and embarrassed…. so I didn’t say anything…

    But part of me felt rejected. Like, she doesn’t notice my efforts!!

    I’ve been subjected to control during my childhood, which is why it’s so important to me now to be able to make my own decisions.

    I understand the why’s, I do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel resentment and feel intense sadness.

    The MedCD situation has really triggered that feeling of loneliness and feeling of not having anyone of my own to depend on… so I’m thinking of getting some more therapy to help me heal and process.

    Love to you!



  350.  #351mali on January 22, 2012 at 1:20 am

    @ Daria- 276

    Thankyou <3 I am committed to loving me. I love me!!



  351.  #352Silver Moonbeam on January 22, 2012 at 1:26 am

    #332 T-Girl

    Hope your daughter gets well real soon. xxx



  352.  #353Emmie on January 22, 2012 at 1:31 am

    so this guy I have been dating (3 dates) has gone a little cold- facebook messages only and cancelled our date two weeks ago because he was sick (he cancelled by text, which I made known politely “didnt feel good to be cancelled by text”). I know he was sick because I was very sick too…

    so he has gone cold, but keeps hinting at catching up and wanting to see me soon.

    I need to give a speech about how I dont need any more male friends and it doesnt feel good to just have him hanging in there…but i dont know how to do it without looking as though Ive created an imaginary relationship- im not even sure i want anything from him, i just want to practice my RR tools!!

    can anyone help? please?
    xem



  353.  #354Daria on January 22, 2012 at 1:32 am

    wow i am normalizing now!

    wat??

    i just got near the heater… mabye i was jus cold?

    or the warmth helped balance my hormones…

    i dono…

    jus feelin relaxed now tho



  354.  #355Silver Moonbeam on January 22, 2012 at 1:36 am

    #344 Brenda

    I hear you.

    I too have many stories I could tell about my not so good childhood and my awful marriage but I have chosen to not be defined by those stories any longer.

    I am now a grown woman and I now tell myself better stories, just like Rori teaches on here.

    I love and accept myself profoundly.

    I am a beautiful person with a good heart.

    I am kind and caring and loving.

    I will make the right choices in life with all things.

    I honour and respect myself every single day.

    I trust the Universe to bring me everything I desire.



  355.  #356Daria on January 22, 2012 at 1:39 am

    emmie – dont do anything! dont bring up how you dont want friends (thats only if he suggests it)

    if hes just hanging in there… thats pretty typical… maybe just dont respond to any texts



  356.  #357Silver Moonbeam on January 22, 2012 at 1:40 am

    #344 Brenda

    “I feel forced and controlled? I feel criticized and judged?

    Damn it, where’s the ice cream? Let me see you force me to put that spoon down now! You can’t!”

    That sounds (to me) like your inner teenage girl rebelling against her parents.



  357.  #358Silver Moonbeam on January 22, 2012 at 1:41 am

    #351 Emmie

    Do nothing because he is just one CD out of many right? Don’t make him more important than any of the others. 😉



  358.  #359Emmie on January 22, 2012 at 1:45 am

    @ daria – that feels good. It’s just I really want to practice my newly learnt skills! I guess not replying would be practicing

    @ silver moonbeam – nope he is the only one!! I have only recently split with my ex. but you’re right too, I need to be the siren!

    it feels good not to do anything actually



  359.  #360Femininewoman on January 22, 2012 at 1:46 am

    Emmie responding would be suggesting that you are not a Goddess. It would be suggesting that you have nothing going on in your life but waiting around for him. I would delete his number and forget about him so next time he calls I can sweetly ask “who is this again?”



  360.  #361Femininewoman on January 22, 2012 at 1:57 am

    For ladies on dating sites I find that late nights and early mornings get a lot of attention from men.



  361.  #362Daria on January 22, 2012 at 2:06 am

    papi status wisdom ” When u lie to others about what u want, u only lying to urself to live in the moment…wat people will do to jus to live in the moment instead of it lasting a lifetime. I takes days to strike gold sometimes even weeks….member that. “



  362.  #363Daria on January 22, 2012 at 2:19 am

    so i didnt lie now that im looking for a man who wnats to worhsip me as a goddess

    feels embarassing to write but … i want to be real about what i want

    this is my step in the ask and receive and being authentic thing and stepping up my requiremetns



  363.  #364Butterfly Wings on January 22, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Yay! TH has come out of his cave (where he’s been for almost 24 hours) finally!

    I just leaned back, didn’t try to talk to him, and just did my own thin including doing the washing and other chores I wanted to get done today and he finally reached out to me.

    Phew! All you naughty NVs can go eat cookies now! 😀



  364.  #365mali on January 22, 2012 at 3:02 am

    @ 361- Daria

    How inspiring!!



  365.  #366Daria on January 22, 2012 at 4:06 am

    i feel angry!

    i felt triggerd and almost flashed/blamed this man

    its almost like , its so easy to trigger me to flashin right now!

    its like im a bomb!

    i love me



  366.  #367Daria on January 22, 2012 at 4:07 am

    i can just tell its in there… im feeling… sensitive… an like… easily frutsrateed … now sleepy



  367.  #368Femininewoman on January 22, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Turquoise I just found this and am thinking you might find some gold in it for your situation:-

    Beign the girl is you Circular Date. You tell him that you love him. You smile at him. You’re very warm to him. You do not DO anything. Don’t offer to help him. Don’t help him in a situation. You don’t make excuses for him. You just smile. You’re warm. He shows up. You’re there.

    You date him when he shows up. You don’t ask him for anything. No commitment. Nothing. Yoiu don’t row that boat at all.

    Remember in my programs Step One is understanding how men and women work. That’s the “Energy Exchange and the Rowboat and the back and forth and the Bubble that you’ll find in my Reconnect Your Relatinship program, and that I build on in all the other programs.

    Well if you have been theboy in your relationshp for so many years and been pushing and shoving the guys out of the relationship – stopping doing that is Step Two.

    Stoppin Overfunctioning – essentially bein gthe boy when you’re with a man – going to bring up a tremendous amout of anxiety and feelings. And opening up, being vulnerable and INVITING him to come close to you by sharing your feelings and who you really are is Step Three – and will bring up even more buried, subconscious stuff fo ryou to work through.

    That’s why Step Four in my programs are always about dealing with the emotions that come up when you stop doing stuff and when you start letting yourself be vulnerable.

    Step 5 and 6 and 7 are about Loving Yourself, Circular Dating – and then putting It All Together.

    Standing firm about what you want, sharing wth a man that you loe him and want him, and that you will not tolerate a lack of affection and attention and loyalty – no matter how loud you feel when you share those things – that’s GIRL stuff. You are NOT being a “boy” when you’re standing up yourself and sharing what you want and don’t want.

    You’re acting like a “boy” when you tru to GET these things.

    There are things you like about him and what he does, and things you do not like – and yet if you love him as a whole person – your only job is to share what you can NOT accept behavior wise, and at the same time open up to him 100% and appreciate what he DOES do that pleases you.



  368.  #369mali on January 22, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Guess what I’m going to title my page on POF…

    “The essence of sexy”

    Ohhhh, yah 😉 Feels so good to read that!



  369.  #370Daria on January 22, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Mali -oooh!!!



  370.  #371Ella on January 22, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Re 366

    Wow!

    LOVE it!

    Thanks FW.

    xoxoxo



  371.  #372Francesca on January 22, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Hi everyone, very cold morning here, -18C (freezing point in F) but sunny, at least.

    Day off for me today, as well as tomorrow. My man and I are not going to see each other for a whole week and that’s just fine. It feels good to be home, surrounded with my stuff and being able to read the blog(s), leisurely sipping coffee.

    Something happened while I was with my man last week. I will write about it in another post, I need to get my thoughts in order first.



  372.  #373Francesca on January 22, 2012 at 6:20 am

    So my man woke me up because I was snoring on Sunday morning at 6am.

    He actually let out a swear word too.

    I just said sorry and turned around, I felt ok.

    Then, 30 seconds later, I started feeling bad about what he said.

    I got mad too because he fell back asleep and he was the one snoring then.

    So I just got up and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa.

    It took me an hour to go back to sleep, I was crying and feeling very lonely and hurt.

    I was able to sleep until 9:30am and when he woke up, he could see that I wasn’t very friendly.

    He asked me what was wrong. So I told him I didn’t really appreciate being woken up with a swear word at six o’clock in the morning.

    He was astonished, said he didn’t remember saying that, apologized profusely (and many times during the day).

    I know he was being honest, he tends to sleep walk sometimes. So I pardoned him.



  373.  #374Francesca on January 22, 2012 at 6:26 am

    But the point is what happened that morning reminded me of something else.

    When I was around 10 years old, I went to a summer camp and the last night we were there, I was woken up by someone because I was snoring and keeping everyone from sleeping.

    I had to sleep on my belly for the rest of the night and to make matters worse, I badly needed to pee but was afraid to get up to go outside to do that.

    I guess this experience traumatized me and what happened last week just triggered me enough to bring it back to the surface.

    I hate the fact that I snore, even though my man tells me that it’s not really loud snoring, it’s mostly heavy breathing.

    Consequently, I was afraid to sleep on my back the whole time I was with my man and he kept telling me not to worry about it but there was something keeping me from doing that. I couldn’t let it go.

    And I’m still thinking about it now.



  374.  #375Francesca on January 22, 2012 at 6:38 am

    Starla #195:

    “but i think he’s just clueless.

    Like when he didn’t call after sex, and just planned a date for a couple days later and texted to stay in touch… he was just clueless. not being weird or hiding. just clueless.”

    Yeah, men seem to be clueless a lot, don’t they? Sometimes I feel like I have to train my man.

    But I know that I can’t do that.

    It would be getting into his business.

    It would be me wanting him to be just the way I want him to be.

    Meaning different.

    But I fell in love with him as he is now, not as someone I would like him to be.

    So I just joke about training him sometimes, knowing full well I will never get to do that completely.

    Just like he won’t be able to train me. I can train myself.

    That’s what I’m doing here.



  375.  #376Liz on January 22, 2012 at 7:02 am

    Good morning!
    Hi Daria,
    I have a sore on my lip too.
    From too much stress around kissing accountantCD in the woods. This released a ton of oxytocin for me, just a bunch of kisses and some really close hugs….that is why i would not sleep with him, i know how much oxytocin rules….
    i mean when i was breastfeeding and seriously sleepdeprived, my son would cry and a normal person not on oxytocin (like a dad) just rolls over and a person drugged on oxytocin looks at the baby and craves the baby and wants to wake up and feel that silky soft skin and let the baby suck on the n*pple….
    Oxytocin!
    Does tingling on the tongue mean something to do with the heart?
    I thought it meant i ate something my body did not like.
    tongue=heart?
    very interesting…it makes sense….i have been healing alot of heart chakra issues and last fall before i went to sleep my tongue would feel all tingly and i knew i had not eaten anything that i was allergic too.



  376.  #377Liz on January 22, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Hi Lizka,
    How are you this morning? I hope you have a good run…it is cold here and i am going to run in a relay team in may, so i am going to put on my yak-traks and try to run a mile….i have to get up to 6 by may…..
    i also like to jump rope

    i think i might have been wrong about oxytocin…that is the bonding hormone
    running releases endorphins….that would be the runner’s high…
    anyway, hope you feel better today and have weathered the oxytocin detox…..



  377.  #378Emerson on January 22, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I feel very bothered/triggered if a man does not call after sex. It’s just how I am. Whether he is just clueless or not, it’s very hard for me to feel ok with it. I have learned then that I don’t want to have it with anyone unless things are very secure and established and committed.



  378.  #379Francesca on January 22, 2012 at 7:06 am

    #306

    (((Starla)))

    I know how you feel, been there before.

    But he did apologize and he seemed to be fine with your reaction.

    Guys don’t take things as seriously as we do.

    And when they say they’re sorry, they usually are.

    It’s just your fears talking.

    So you stood your ground, so what?

    You were true to yourself.

    Be confident that he will come to you because he knows what a jewel you are.

    You just need a little polishing…still! 😉



  379.  #380Liz on January 22, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Hi T-girl
    I hope your little girl is doing ok.
    Been there….being in the hospital with a sick kid…
    it is a real test of faith….
    i always had friends praying for him and me when i went in the hospital with him, especially me so I could stay centered and calm….
    and i would pray for doctors and nurses to come to my child who had karmic healing agreements with my son so that he had doctors who had ‘debts’ with him from other lives and so every interaction was healing….and then i would paint the room i was in gold, since gold is a healing vibration and neutral….
    sending you lots of good mommy strength and may your daughter heal.



  380.  #381Zara on January 22, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Turquoise

    I am glad serenity talked to you, as I have felt the same way since he talked about buying a house to put his daughters in it.
    I was hoping that at least he would not make you pay for his own house!
    He is buying a house for his daughters, he puts them and their baby-sitter in the house, he does not pay the baby-sitter and he makes her pay half his own mortgage! And off he goes to keep climbing the ladder in his profession and to make his big money, without the burden to limit his work schedule to the daughters’ schedule, because the baby-sitter is in charge of everything for him. He is free to manage his personal life with no family burden at all.
    Now, not only the baby-sitter sits his daughters for free for him and she pays his mortgage for him but she has sex with him while his is short of a girl friend.

    Some men are way better off after they divorce, specially when the ex wife still has sex with them. The alimony is a lot less money than when they used to pay absolutely everything for the children’s life when they were living with him 24h day, every day, and him being the only bread winner.
    Plus he is saving himself the price of the life of the ex wife: she has to manage herself to find her own money for her roof and food, cloths, gasoline, car etc.. although she still works for him as a wife, since she still takes the same care for his children, she still puts his wok before her own life, she still keeps the children with no failure whenever he has to work. She still is the one who adapts her schedule to the children’ life, to allow him to work freely, like if she was married to him. Only he is not paying her any more, he is not taking care of her anymore and in your case, he even makes you pay to sleep in the place where you work for him!!!!! And he helps himself to some sex with the baby-sitter when he feels like it.

    I feel outraged you are paying the mortgage of a house to HIS name while you work at raising HIS children who wear HIS name and nobody is giving you money to feed you, you have to go out and find the money for yourself!!!!!
    Who pays your body back to you, the one you had before you created two daughters for him?
    And now this!
    Thanks to your free work, he does not lose his job and yet he still can be a father!!!
    And he is buying a house for half the price.
    Oh, and of course, he gets to enjoy the girls on free weeekends, doing fun expensive activities (The big money made while you keep his daughters safe for him). And you get to see the girls during the stressfull week work which makes you yell at them from time to time….

    Guess what might happen around the delicate age of 16/18? Don’t expect your daughters or him to understand the work you’ve done for them, nurse, teacher, carer, baby sitter, accountant, doctor, entertainer, taxi-driver, cook, cleaning lady, taylor and the list is endless, and don’t expect them to understand you did not do better professionally because you had to be there for them before school and after school. Just don’t.

    I have seen wives rated down to mistresses.
    Usually by good fathers, who can’t let go off the family feeling.
    They want to make sure the children still feel in a nest with their mother.
    And when the last child flies out of the nest, and if not child needs the house any more, the man marries a new woman and asks the “baby-sitter” to buy him back the house.
    If she can’t, he sells the house and she has to find a new life for herself. She is out of job as far as he is concerned. He never paid her for the job, but all the same, he fires her.
    In your case, if he is in love with a new woman when he fires the baby sitter, and the new woman is jealous or she gave him new children, the man might keep all the money from the house sell, if his new wife asks him to. So not only he gets his money back, but he keeps your part you paid in rent. He makes a big profit on your back. Legally you own not part of the house.

    I have seen when the free “baby-sitter” is told to leave the house, the man does not sell the house because he needs it for the new children and the new wife….

    But when I read your posts lately, I feel something different though….
    I want to believe it is possible, I want to see it happen on this blog with you.
    What if he is a good father and also a good lover for ever?
    What if he is going through the same evolution stage you are going through?
    What if he is organically coming back into his own nest with you and his daughters? Not as an ex who loves the new easier situation, but as a future husband again?
    Why not? It is also possible.
    I feel my heart heavy with excitement writing this.

    If such was the case, please keep doing exactly what you have been doing, don’t ruin it by asking what he is doing in your nest or what are his intentions! Not now.

    The least comment will take his memory back to you yelling and controlling and nagging and manipulating or whatever made him divorce.
    If this is not just the easy way out men take with ex wives with young children, if this is the man missing his lover, then give him a chance to trust you again, to feel safe with you like he used to when you first met.

    After all, things seem to be expressed for you two through sex and you have the proof this did not stop him from proposing to you, it might even be why he proposed to you. It seems to be the love language of your couple.
    I would probably give myself a chance at happiness, just like you are doing.
    I would enjoy it, taking it one day at the time and see how I feel. Which is what you seem to be doing.

    I am sure you will soon feel if something is not right.
    He will either come up with the news he’s got a new girl friend, in which case you will stop it all.
    Or he won’t announce a new girl friend and he will keep including you in his weekends with the daughters. That’s when you will ask yourself what you want to tell him.

    Obviously you don’t want to keep being his mistress during years even if you are the only one…. But I think you have some time ahead of you before you worry about it. For now, I would keep the leaning back.



  381.  #382Liz on January 22, 2012 at 7:32 am

    So I had an amazing night’s sleep and today is the first day since August 2010 that I woke up and felt like I could not care less about accountantCD. But the most important thing is that I woke up and said to myself “I am the reason for living my life”.

    Woo-hoo!!!!

    You see what happened with accountantCD is that in August 2010 I got a letter from the tax people that said they did not know how I was paying my expenses, since my income was so low (my son was still in treatment for leukemia) and do I have someone else living with me….they would not give me my renter’s rebate until I wrote them a letter detailing my expenses and how was I getting the money to cover my expenses….

    So I had just come back from Yellowstone on a make-a-wish trip with my ex and my son and it was so disturbing to be with my ex again and I had to take care of him so much, i got a raging fever after going in the boiling river and we flew home and my ears were so stopped up i lost my hearing for a month.
    So when i got the letter, it just sat there.
    The day before it was due, i saw it and realized i better call my accountant, who i did not really have a crush on yet.
    I called him on the way to an appt for my son and he said he would meet with me in an hour.
    Then an hour later, my son is starving hungry and me too, so i called up the accountant, who is across the street from my apt and said could it be in 15 mins, we are all hungry? he said he could just drop over and get the letter and when he got there, i just felt so comfortable with him, i gave him half my sandwich….
    and i felt this incredible tugging in my heart….it was an amazing sandwich and i made miso soup also….he scarfed it down and then he went off to his office to deal with it, wrote the tax people a letter in my behalf and did not charge me.
    Well, I was so moved by that. That was the first time anyone had ever gone to bat for me. So in complete unsiren fashion, I brought him food for a couple months now and then to say thanks for writing me that letter and getting me my renter’s rebate….and from then on, he just kept doing me nice things, like writing me letters for insurance or hooking me up with a really good financial advisor to manage my divorce settlement and whenever we would spend time together in his office, I would leave feeling super aroused.

    And then fast forward to last november when he starts coming on to me and asking me to have sex with him, obviously picking up on the attraction there was between us….
    so now I definitely have learned to lean back and I am seeing that there is not anything coming my way right now and it actually feels LIKE A HUGE GIFT!!!!!

    I have found all of you incredible sirens on the blog and I feel so supported in loving myself first….so today IS MY DAY!!!!!

    I am going to make a soup that is rich in adrenal support and create a great display and table for my open house tomorrow all on adrenals and how supporting them gives you greater vitality and go for a little run and cozy up my apt.

    Thanks for listening to that longwinded story….
    I feel like maybe he came into my life to come to bat for me and then to show me that I still had these unhealthy thoughts about myself in my energetic field, where I would put other people first, before myself……
    because that would be really self-destructive to have actually slept with him……
    so this way I got to emphatically tell the universe that I do not want that….I want a man who treats me right.
    Hooray!



  382.  #383Liz on January 22, 2012 at 7:35 am

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  383.  #384Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Liz you sound sooo good, and I ‘m really glad you shared that whole story, because I didn’t know how he showed up in your life or that you recently went through a divorce. I’m so sorry your son is sick. I lost my sister to breast cancer two years ago, and she suffered for a long time. But she also taught me about having an amazing will to live, to see her youngest son graduate from high school, to be a positive person and give back for 8 years, while facing a terminal illness. She was AMAZING. I don’t know why God choose for her to live half a life, but she lived it well. I have always been a “oh it won’t happen to me” type person, it was good to be reminded that life can be short, so enjoy it. Be your best, be happy with what you have. Love big.

    I bet your son’s illness has changed you too. Made you see how strong you really are. Made you feel more deeply… and I’m wondering if it inspired you to be health conscious? I never though about making a soup that was good for my adrenals…. I’m curious now. 🙂

    Thank you for sharing your story about accountantcd. It reminds me of that saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Having him go to bat for you is one fine reason. 🙂 BIG hugs to you today. YOu sould amazing!!!!



  384.  #385Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Hi Liz!

    So cute and nice of you to think of me this morning!

    I am definitely feeling better. I had a good sleep and I finally have some motivation to go do my run.

    I feel happy to have a runner siren here. 🙂 I guess 6 miles is something like 10K here… It’s a good challenge! Good luck!

    Oxytocin, endorphin, whatever, they bothemake you feel good and sireny, don’t they? 🙂



  385.  #386Liz on January 22, 2012 at 8:13 am

    there is a free today ebook on purpose from a great meditation teacher…
    i just tried to post it it went into moderation.

    owen waters is his name

    and the link for the book is

    amazon.com/dp/b006wsqmyc

    i like his writings a lot and i get good feelings from him



  386.  #387Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Daria 331

    “Lizka – it sounds to me that she thinks you spread rumors about her and that you called her meanie

    She’s probably responding this way to feeling sad and angry”

    Yes that’s exactly how I feel it!!

    Zara 329 –

    “So then, your name is not in the comment, the comment refers to something you don’t do and you don’t understand what she means… that looks pretty much like the definition of a comment that is not related to me ”

    I don’t feel good reading that. I feel stressed and like I have to justify something.

    I feel judged like I am paranoing. I am not. You know the story through only a few lines that I wrote here. There is months and months of that and a lot more that you don’t know. I know it in my guts that the status is related to me and I feel bad having to justify. The girl is acting like that ALL THE TIME, and specially towards me because she doesn’t like me, and I think that this is because she was in love with P and she thought she would have him when he broke up with me.

    That’s it.

    Plus I said that Thursday night, I decided I want to do only things that feels good to me and that I wanted to stop thinking about this Facebook status. So the case is closed now, I want to go back to things that only feels good.



  387.  #388Starla on January 22, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Good morning,
    Warning: drivel about expensive some shoes that i want to buy–
    I still haven’t bought those boots….I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s so much money in my mind…
    i could buy a new computer with that money
    i could put that money in savings
    i could bribe an admissions official at the school of my choice with that money(just kidding!)
    I could pay down some of my debts (they’re both 0% interest for a very long time though)
    I could buy a replacement for my crappy instrument that i do actually seriously play in symphonies.

    sigh, i should probably pay down the debts. Or save the money for an emergency.

    I just want the boots so bad, and i feel urgency because there’s only a few pairs left in my size in the whole world.

    maybe i could buy some different boots that cost a fraction of those from the same brand.



  388.  #389Liz on January 22, 2012 at 8:24 am

    thanks turquoise!
    how are you today?
    i am so glad it is sunny out, some sunshine can do wonders.
    wow, you have been getting a lot of feedback here about the house and your ex…..how is that feeling for you?
    love
    liz

    lizka as soon as i meditate and finish eating my split pea soup with organic bacon and organic eggs i am out there in my running shoes….
    in the meantime i have on my five finger shoes inside, trying to get my feel used to them….hey did you ever read the book ‘Born to Run’…..you would not be able to put it down….



  389.  #390Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Wow Zara, that was quite a turn around in your message to me… didn’t end the way I expected it to. Thank you for taking the time to share your opinion.

    To set a few things straight about the finances, my ex pays a lot of child support, and until last year, I got a lot of alimony too. My alimony ended in April, and in June he brought up the house. By August, we were in it. Basically, what he paid me in alimony was transferred to his share of the mortgage for the house we are living in. Yes, it’s his money and his house, his investment…. but he’s straining himself financially to do this for us. He may have a hard time buying himself a house in the near future. But aside from that, I could have chosen a much cheaper home and paid less rent. He still pays me a lot of childsupport, so basically, he’s really paying for all of the house and bills, the money I earn puts food on the table, gas in the car and other expenses like that. When we divorced I got all the household items except for his personal stuff. Half the investments, and he took all the debt. Since then not only did he pay the support he had to, but he’s given me extra money many times, gives the girls pretty much everything they need or ask for, and that has taken a lot of pressure off of me.

    I don’t like being referred to as the babysitter. I am their mother, love them dearly and wouldn’t want to not have custody of them, and would do anything for them. I was able to stay home with them until my youngest was in first grade. She was 2 when we separated. That was a huge gift to me, and I appreciate how hard he works, so that I was able to have that time with them.

    Is there a risk in this for me? No not really. Like I said before, I paid a lot of rent to live in a crappy house that was unhealthy for us. AND, it was the best that was available in my price range where we lived! My landlord wasn’t going to give me a return when he turns around and sells that house. Now, I pay the same amount and have a gorgeous home that I LOVE!!! I also can leave anytime after the first year if I wanted. That would be a risk to him, because he really couldn’t afford to sit on this for long either trying to find a renter or to sell it in this market, especially because he doesn’t live here.

    I appreciate what he did for us. He isn’t asking me not to date or get remarried. He’s not demanding anything, not pushing me for sex. I’m choosing, maybe stupidly, to keep that part of our relationship going.

    I love him, I really do…. and the problems we had in our marriage, well… a lot have been overcome just by maturity. We both grew up a lot since then. Some others, took distance, time, work with therapists and the church, etc. to help lead us to forgiving ourselves and each other. I don’t know that this will lead us to falling back in love, but I feel that it is a possibility since finding Rori and her tools.

    Like I said, not that I will give him an unending amount of time to step up, tell me what he wants…. but it’s been a relatively short time that I feel he’s been warm and receptive to us maybe being an us again. I will lean back, just as you said and not push. And you are right, he did think I was a nag when we were married… and for me to push him for an answer or a decision, would remind him of bad times.

    If we can put our relationship back together, to be stronger than it was, to be a family again, wow… that would really be amazing, and I truly feel it’s worth giving a little time to see how that unfolds. So in the meantime…. I am working on me, finally losing this weight that has me feeling lousy about my appearance, practicing the tools and keeping my options open. If a really wonderful man shows up in my life, I’d be open to that as well. Because I’m trusting that the universe is going to provide what is best for me, and the situation with my ex will work itself out in the coming months.

    I hope I end up with a happily ever after story to share here. I remember when I first found the site, thinking that it would never happen between me and my ex. A year later…. wow, a lot can change in a year!



  390.  #391Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Francesca 372 –

    About snoring. An exboyfriend who is now in my rotation of CDs, was terribly snoring and we had arguing every nights for almost a year! I guess this is one of the reasons why we broke up!

    We tried a lot of things, some works, some don’t. Go to the pharmacy, ask the pharmacist what he has to suggest. There is these stripes for the nose that works good, specially if it’s not a loud snorring. I guess there is also a spray for the nose. 🙂

    And since you are at the pharmacy, you could by ear plugs for your man! The stripes + ear plugs should make magic!! Good luck!!

    PS. I guess we’re in the same city, or at least province. We’re having approximately the same weather here and I saw you wrote about tou.tv yesterday… 🙂



  391.  #392Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Starla, I’m a real Carrie Bradshaw when it comes to shoes. So don’t take my advice too seriously…

    BUT BUY THE SHOES!!!!!!! Yes yes yes!!! 🙂



  392.  #393Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Oh and Liz, it’s sunny here tooo! 🙂 I actually feel blinded by the reflection of the sun off my snow covered hill in the back yard. Reminds me of a too happy person….lol, just a tad annoying.

    FW thank you for finding that for me. Feels like just the right advice for my situation, and that’s a relief, because I was starting to feel very confused as to what to do. I’m confident that I can’t go wrong by leaning back, smiling, being in the moment. Not sure about telling him I love him though, at least not yet. I also don’t want to preplan it. If it feels right to say it, I will. You’ve been a good friend to me. Thank you for caring!



  393.  #394Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Liz – Bonr to run? No, never heard of it. When I’m done with the trilogy I am reading now (that feels sad to write, I don’t want to be done with it, they are such good books!!), I’ll go check if they have it at my library, ideally in French. 🙂

    I haven’t try either these 5 fingers shoes. They scared me!! Lol



  394.  #395Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Starla, I’m with Lizka and I say buy the shoes too! You shared that you just paid off a credit card. If you are using cash you saved to buy those boots, then reward yourself with them. Maybe it would be more practical to save the money or pay off debt…. but like I said to Liz, life is short. Feels bad to think of denying yourself something you really want, that you saved for, just because it’s practical. You’ll manifest more money, but once those boots are gone… they are gone. Although, maybe you’d find other boots you like more.



  395.  #396Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:51 am

    I’ll go have a champion breakfast, 3 eggs, bread, peanut butter, a grapefruit and a glass of orange juice.

    Lol I know it seems a lot, but I’m going to run 7 km (4,3 miles) andI’m not gonna eat before dinner because it’s already noon here.

    Feeling sooo much better than yesterday! OMG!!! Oxytocin withdrawals I hate you!



  396.  #397Zara on January 22, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Lizka

    ***I don’t feel good reading that. I feel stressed and like I have to justify something. ***
    What I wrote is how I see things in such circumstances, and what I usually tell myself.
    I feel sad you don’t feel good, and just in case there would be any doubt I want to clear that I am not asking for any justification. You said you felt curious what were my thoughts and I told you what I thought.
    And while I was writing my thought to please you, it came to me that may be there was an explanation to what you said you don’t understand, may be there was a connection with you and the post, as you were saying, and this is why my post ends asking if you called her “meany” in your private email to the friend who pasted her status to you. Etc… I don’t want to repeat my post. It is written at the end of it.

    ***I feel judged like I am paranoing ***
    I suppose this is not a good feeling, well for me it would be a bad feeling, and I feel sorry you feel that way, even if you are responsible for what you feel and how you interpret what you read. . Yet again, I want to clear, in case you have a doubt, that I do not judge you and the word paranoid did not pop up to my mind.
    I see possible events standing out from the words and I wrote them. I did not put moral value to them.



  397.  #398Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:55 am

    Yessss Turquoise!!! She should do it if it feels good. As for me, I always feel so good and so proud when I buy something new that I really really wanted.

    Starla, what I would do, is ask the sales girl if she can keep them for you for an hour. Go have a coffee (you told me you were addicted!!!), and if when the coffee is done, you still feel the urge to buy the boots, BUY THEM!!!!! They gonna make you feel happy!! 🙂



  398.  #399Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Starla I wish you could take a picture and show me the boots! 🙂

    I’m considering this Facebook friendship things. I’d like to share fun things like boots shopping. 🙂



  399.  #400Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Lizka, your breakfast sounds good! We need to eat here too…. I bought a whole bag of grapefruits, think I’ll start with that, then maybe some eggs. Not sure what my girls will want… but peanut butter will probably be involved 🙂



  400.  #401lilybelly on January 22, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Well Sirens~

    The situation with T has resolved itself and is over.

    He is in pain, we cried but I had to walk away from him. He is in a lot of pain yet from his divorce, still in love with his ex wife, is going to go to therapy to heal himself.. “his words “Everyone has moved on; her, the kids our families…everyone but me and I can’t wake up every morning like this…thinking about her.”

    I sobbed…SOBBED my eyes out right there in front of him…

    I’m still sobbing..

    Friday we were talking about living together…today…over.



  401.  #402Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Oh Lillybelly, I’m sooooo sorry. 🙁 Maybe he just needs more time to heal. We are here for you. I feel terrible… and remember the one guy who I really really liked after my ex, was still in love with his ex girlfriend. I sobbed and sobbed, hadn’t hurt that much in a long time. It helps to let it all out. Everything will be ok, you’ll be ok, just takes some time. HUGS!!!!



  402.  #403Angela on January 22, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Hi Ladies,
    I haven’t posted a lot but I have told you about a situation I had in a previous thread about an ex that I dated for 3 years (LDR) and how he was afraid to move forward with a commitment. I broke up with him for 6 months no contact in which he broke contact in everyway and I never would respond to him. But anyway, he contacted me this year wishing me a happy new year and I responded to him so we have been communicating not regularly but once a week or so he initiates contact.

    Anyway what I wanted to say is that your advice helped me so much. I’ve always been the woman who could never commit or had a hard time commiting to a man. So all of my life men have chased me. Maybe I was a challenge to them. But I do understand the term “runaway bride”.
    Having been the only sister in a house of 4 brothers and a dad marriage was frowned upon of course! I learned to act like a man.

    So when I would read books and articles about women doing to much I couldn’t relate because I did just the opposite, when the going got too tough I would leave a relationship. If he’d beg for a commitment I’d run, If things were too hard, I’d run. I’d just show up on dates have a great time laugh and be amazing and guys loved it. When I did decide to be in a relationship I would be in them for years always keeping my options open and the man I was dating always wanted me more. If I wasn’t happy I’d leave the man or if he proposed I’d leave him. I’ve always never been without dates.

    With this last guy, crazy as it sounds I wanted a commitment from him. I believe that I wanted it from him because he wasn’t moving forward with us and I was so used to men moving us forward. I care about him a lot. (I’m in my mid 30’s no kids and never married).

    Over the weekend I was unpacking some boxes because I recently moved and I found the book “make him fall for you” by rori raye, I’ve realized that I had it for well over a year and never read it!
    I began to read it and Rori says in it that, the woman has to be the one to open up first and by demonstrating to a man that you can feel your feelings, that you love and embrace them and are ok with them he will think you are a miracle! When he begins to feel safe this then creates an unbreakable bond.
    I find it so difficult to open up to men and tell them my feelings but I finally felt that someone was actually talking to me and understood what I have been going through. I had purchased, ” the women men adore and never want to leave”, by bob grant a few months ago so I read these 2 books back and forth all weekend and I finally had my Aha Moment!

    I am finally seeing what I have been doing wrong in all of my relationships. I couldn’t quite understand why after talking to my ex he wants to be with me but is afraid to. I always wondered what was stopping him from going foward with me. What is wrong wit me.
    I feel so overwhelmed and moved after reading this and I need to process this because these 2 books have awakened something inside of me. I feel sad for how I treated some of the men in my past. I don’t know what will happen to me and my ex at this point but I’m so happy that it finally hit me. It’s now just a matter of implementing what I’ve read because it feels so weird letting a man know how I feel. I have a first date tonight with someone so I will attempt to practice it on him.
    I know that this will be a long journey for me because I am retraining myself to do something different that I’ve been doing all of my adult life and this feels so scary for me.



  403.  #404Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 9:24 am

    (((((lilybelly))))) 🙁



  404.  #405Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Lillybelly,
    Im so sad, I feel your pain.

    I admire him though for being honest with you. He could have moved in with you and then you would have been living with a man still in love with someone else.

    Oh I know it hurts so much.
    Hugs and Hugs

    Im so sorry. Good things are coming to you!

    At least he has the self realization to get some help…after hes healed hell be an even better man!

    ((((((Lillybelly)))))))



  405.  #406Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Breakfast is eaten. I need an hour to digest. Will do the dishes and choose my road before going running.

    Today, I will do only feel good and siren things. I will go run, do my workout, eat healthy stuff, vacuum (ok, it’s not sireny but it will feel good to have my place cleaned), watch a princess movie and do my pedicure. Will also cook an healthy lunch for tomorrow. Will go sleep early to have a long 9 hours beauty sleep before work tomorrow. 🙂

    Just realize I haven’t think too much about P since I woke up 1.30 hours ago. Such a difference compare to yesterday!! I’m really thinking that this oxytocin is the only related thing to my yesterday’s mood…



  406.  #407Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Angela,
    Hurray for you! Its so exciting to read that your having an “aha moment” thats great.

    The story of your past sounds just like my “T”

    he too is a runner.

    Im so happy for you!



  407.  #408Aurora Girl on January 22, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Good morning Chickies
    ….no pixie dust today….

    major Negative Voice Kick* As$ vibes from my boy..
    This song kicks it!

    my boy is a flo rida boy….lol

    kick them cookie lovin NV’s far away…..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OnnDqH6Wj8

    love
    xo
    Aurora!



  408.  #409Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Just an update too.
    T still hasnt come home or contacted me. I have made no attempt to contact him.

    Feels weird doing nothing. The boy part of me and the pride part of me wants to go pack all of his things.

    But I wont………Ill do nothing………..keep leaning back……………..

    Hope if he does move out its not an emotional, hard thing. Let it go gently and easily.

    What I really wish is that he comes back and kisses my feet and professes his love to me. hehehehe

    just venting

    I just need to think about me and my kids today. Stay strong and authentic
    not strong from pride and resentment



  409.  #410Angela on January 22, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Thanks Camille,

    I can relate to your T. I can say that even though I broke up with my ex, when my ex left me alone sending a text or leaving a vm every once in a while I began to think about him and miss him. Even while dating other men my ex was still in the back of my mind until one day I decided to return his text.



  410.  #411Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Since he left………..I actually had the best nights rest Ive had in a while………..as mentioned above.

    He snores!!!!!!

    I didnt realize how it was keeping me from getting a good deep sleep.

    Good things come from seemingly bad situations!



  411.  #412Starla on January 22, 2012 at 9:44 am

    lizka — boots
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006P4EYCU/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?ie=UTF8&m=A2E2GG52RMHADI

    we dont have to be facebook friends, cuz we have the blog too!



  412.  #413Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I think he left because he felt bombarded by me setting new boundaries and him seeing my emotions about how I felt.

    Too intense for him I guess……….

    But I have stuffed emotions with him in the past so its new for him and me. He couldnt take it. But it felt good for me to finally feel them and express them.

    Hell be back………….lol he has to get his stuff!

    I just need to stay strong with what I want and expect and if he cant accept that………….someone else can Im certain.

    I think Im a pretty great girl. Cant be the only one in the world who thinks so?



  413.  #414Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Oh Starla the boots are cute! Not totally my style but I love them!! So di you buy them?!?! I hope you did 🙂



  414.  #415Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Angela,
    I can relate to how you feel about just being in your masculine self.

    It can be a challenge to let yourself “feel” again.

    You may be rushed with certain emotions…….just move through it and let it happen.

    It will feel uncomfortable at first.

    Well it did for me………sorry if I sound preachy



  415.  #416Angela on January 22, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Its true, Camille, if you do nothing you’re gonna peak his curiosity because your not chasing him or going crazy over him.



  416.  #417Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:52 am

    And the sweetest man is texting me from POF

    He lives very far away……..so it feels safe to text him and recieve his very sweet compliments and texts. Helps me not focus on Troy.

    I dont care if they are lies………feels good!



  417.  #418Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Oh Im doing nothing!

    Thanks for the support Angela



  418.  #419Angela on January 22, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Your right Camille,
    #412

    I don’t know what to make of these weird feelings I’m experiencing because everything I’ve done has been by logic. Guys i’ve dated in the past nicknamed me ice queen and they never even met each other!
    I even work in a male dominated field. I’ve never been able to understand my female friends so I’d always have male friends.
    I’m just gonna move though this really slow….day by day.



  419.  #420Camille on January 22, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Im not even doing my chores!!!! LOL

    Im taking the opportunity while hes away to do the things I dont get to do while hes here.

    Long Hot baths letting the dishes pile up, reading, blogging, painting, only things that I like doing
    nothing that seems difficult .

    Not this weekend

    Ill catch up later… Its all about me!!!!! LOL



  420.  #421Angela on January 22, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Thanks for your support Camille! 🙂



  421.  #422Camille on January 22, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Perfect Angela,

    I became very logical and Masculine energy when I got divorced and was a single parent. I really went into boy mode. And I need to. But I took it to the extreme!

    It was hard when all the feelings I had stuffed came bubbling out….but so freeing and healing

    I cried alot lol then Id start laughing

    if anyone had seen me they would have admitted me lol



  422.  #423Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Camille, you sound good. 🙂 I’m glad you can think of yourself and what feels good to you today. Hugs!



  423.  #424Angela on January 22, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Well have fun Camille doing nothing… That’s sawesome!
    I’m going to the gym right now to do a little kickboxing. I’ll have sometime to process this info from this weekend and look nice and toned for my date tonight!



  424.  #425Camille on January 22, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Have a great day Angela



  425.  #426Camille on January 22, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Aw hi Turquoise
    Thanks!

    Hows your day today?



  426.  #427Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Camille, 419…. I can relate to that. I always had a boy streak, but it went into overdrive when I became a single mom. Everything became very action oriented, I always had a plan, expectations, timelines… after a few years I saw that those timelines weren’t working out as I’d expected, so I basically threw my hands up and said “universe, I trust you will bring me what I want and need. Thank you.”

    🙂

    Oh and Ella, the vision/dream board idea…. I made one last January and the largest item on mine, took up a whole corner, was a huge house. I laughed making it, saying… we’ll I’m dreaming right? Someday, I’ll have this. 6 months later, I was looking at houses! Australia and a dark haired man still need to materialize, but a lot of what I had on there as far as friends, even I had stargazing and we have the most amazing starry nights here that I have ever seen! I’m going to make a new one… will be a tradition every January. 🙂 Thank you for the reminder!



  427.  #428CurvySiren10 on January 22, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Lillybelly~ I’m feeling very sad about what happened with T. I know how invested you’ve been with him and I feel sad and confused about how he could have been stepping up so firmly with you, and all of a sudden comes out with this “confession”. But no matter….

    My concern is you and the pain you’re feeling. I wish I had words of comfort for you, but you are a smart cookie and know what to do right now, which is to take care of YOU.

    Many hugs….



  428.  #429Camille on January 22, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Oh Girls…thanks for bringing up the vision board

    Im going to get mine out…and make a new one

    great idea

    how fun that will be

    I think Ill ask for a dark haired australian lol



  429.  #430Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Camille, I’m heading to my dads today. My stepmother has been cleaning out their basement, and since I have this big house now… need some stuff to fill it up. She is the queen of overdecorating, so she passed on a ton of fall and Christmas decorations to me before I hosted both holidays this year. SHe also gave me 2 brand new sets of bedding, some kitchen stuff, a brand new shower curtain, candles and holders, lots of goodies. Today, we are going through tupperware, her elephant collection (which, she collected when I was young, so it’s more sentimental that I want an elephant than anything else) blue and white pottery, and bird houses. Who knows what else she’s come up with, but it makes my dad really happy that she’s clearing out, and it was never easy for her to give things away, so it’s a really nice change. It feels so good that my being open to receiving this year, has actually allowed me to receive so much, and for those giving, to feel so happy doing so. We’ll stay for dinner too. My sister and her boyfriend are also going, so will feel good to have some family time. My dad is 79, in fairly good health, but that is getting up there and it scares me we won’t have many years left.



  430.  #431Turquoise on January 22, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Camille…. gotta love the accent, and it’s on my bucket list to kiss a foreigner with a sexy voice 🙂

    Thinking about it, I did date two dark haired men last winter/spring. The man in my picture has his back to me, bare chest, arms wide open to the ocean, I can’t see his face, but he’s HOT, and open…. yummy! I put a small map of Australia below him, so he may be Australian, or maybe we’ll vacation there….

    You know what ladies… my new motto is

    DREAM BIG OR GO HOME!

    I’m heading out, when I get back tonight, it would feel great to hear about your dreams! Love to you all!!!



  431.  #432Camille on January 22, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Oh yes Australian Men’s voices are so sexy to me. mmmm mmmm mmmmm

    well any accent really lol



  432.  #433Liz on January 22, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Big hugs
    lillybelle
    and Camille….
    you both have a guy named T
    and today they are both bye-bye

    i am sorry to hear about that.

    lizka, i am finally going to run….it takes a lot to work up to it…my HUGE breakfast is ready and i am going to run on the trail where i ran into accountantCD and check out the river, watch the river flow by and maybe see some ducks….

    hope you have/had a good run….

    aurora…that youtube on flo rida made me want to run for sure…



  433.  #434Dominique on January 22, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Starla – But the boots. You really, really want them. It’s a wonderful thing to allow yourself a self-indulgent gift now ant then. It’s not like you do this on a regular basis. You need to have those boots. SO buy them please.

    I can’t wait to see a picture of you wearing them.

    xxoo



  434.  #435Dominique on January 22, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Hmmm, no please don’t but the boots, but do please BUY them.

    xxoo



  435.  #436Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Angela and Camille –

    Me too I want to “do nothing you’re gonna peak his curiosity because your not chasing him or going crazy over him.”

    😀



  436.  #437Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Liz, I’m going now for my run. You’re lucky to have a river and ducks to run by!

    No river here, no duck either since it’s crazy cold, -11 celcius (12 fahrenheit) !

    But I have a park. A beautiful park. I’ll go run there today. There’s snow all over the place, and a ice ring and maybe some skaters. And a dog park. I love watching the dogs playing. In the summer there is a beautiful pool where I love to go swim and people do bbq in the park. Maybe they’ll ski today. 🙂

    Ok I’m getting excited about my run now!

    I’m off! Talk to you all sirens later!! xoxo



  437.  #438VW on January 22, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Brenda #344:

    Wow…beautiful…strong, firm, assertive…yet, very feminine 🙂 Cheers to real women!

    warm hugs,



  438.  #439Luzydel on January 22, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I need help!!

    Talked to “S” again ugh! I told him that my feelings were in a roller coaster right now and that maybe it was better to stop contact.

    he told me he cares about me; that he’s feelings are in a roller coaster also and that he is in the stage of thinking if he should totally commit to me or let me go; but that I am being impatient; that I pass judgment on him too soon; That sometimes he doesn’t know, feels scared, doubt himself about giving 100% . That he does not want to use me just because it feels good to be with me, that he really wants to give 100%, but that he has so many issues that make him doubt. That he think too much, that he wants to give us a chance but that something is holding him. But that every time he is with me he feels safe, and relaxed, but he wants to make sure I can feel safe and relaxed with him.

    That when he offered me the money for the house down payment, it was because he cared and he knew that he may not get it back, but it did not matter, because he cared enough not to expect it back. That he does not want to get in a commitment and then fail. he just ended telling me that we need to talk more, the he is also scared, and that he want to give 100 percent, but needs to be sure.

    I am feeling so many things right now, but it is the first time we have this type of open conversation about future commitment.

    Anyone, Please help! I dunno what to do 🙁



  439.  #440Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Brenda @ 18,

    “I am about growing, changing, learning, and becoming my best self.”

    Yay!!! It felt exciting to read this!



  440.  #441Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Oh Lillybelly, I am so sorry to hear that.

    I still feel hopeful that things will work out.

    Many hugs to you!



  441.  #442Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Starla: If you really, really want them, I say buy them. I can’t wait to see a picture of you in them!



  442.  #443Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I am soooo far behind on the blog. (I’ve made it as far as 18 – yay! LOL).

    Update on MM (and my emotional meltdown last week):

    Just wanted to let you all know that the emotional meltdown I had last week led to lots of good healing. Thanks to Tinque and Mel, I became aware that not meeting MM’s kids had more to do with me and my feelings of confusion around meeting the kids than it did with anything going on with him.

    In addition, I realized that my feelings of confusion were based on assumptions I was making and nothing I could possible “know” – the story I was making up in my mind that the girls are going through a hard time with their mom right now all stirred up at their dad. They’ve been coming home telling him he’s a liar and they hate him. All the confusion was fear-based as well, not feeling sure I was ready to be “hated” by his kiddos, even though they’ve been nothing but warm and welcoming to me.

    Awareness is the first step in healing, right?

    I did tell him on Thursday that I had wanted him to cancel our plans to go out of town for next weekend because I had been missing him after I left there last weekend; that I’m not used to missing him and it felt scary because I thought I was getting too attached. That I didn’t want to be feeling uncomfortable because of it and ruin what was supposed to be a fun weekend for us.

    That’s all I said about any of it. He said, “I guess I can understand that”. End of conversation.

    It felt a bit “unfinished” to me, but I was feeling much better about things and knew he’d talk to me about it later if he wanted further information. Otherwise, I felt safe leaving it at that, because even though I didn’t share any of the other things (like not meeting the kids and therefore feeling fear that he’s not sure about where things are going with us) that were bothering me, I felt trusting that he takes any feelings I share with him seriously and does everything in his power to “fix it”.

    So as of yesterday I was feeling calm and peaceful around it yesterday. What an amazing shift! I love the healing! I don’t love the process so much, especially this last time – it was a doosie – but it feels so good once the healing comes… the calm after the storm.



  443.  #444Jenny on January 22, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Ah dammit ladies, 2 days away and you post so much it takes me days to catch up 😛

    Ok I’m in the middle of a litte struggle thinking with myself.

    I was feeling so rockstar yesterday, made a little speak to say to an CD (even if I dont even see him as an CD – I have no clue of what we are right now, and tbh I dont care)

    The thing is, I have said something that first basiclly told him I didnt want anything more then chatt contact with him – and that aint true.
    Second, when he come out of the cave – I kind of was cold on him.

    So I have for about 2 weeks been thinking on how to explain to him – without making him wrong or making myself small. So the answer was, just say what I really felt when i said those thing I said. Dont explain what I meant, just simple say; “this is how I felt”

    Yesterday I was a strong goddess, felt so calm and relaxed, course I made a promise that today i would call him and give him the script, I was looking forward to it, since it felt honest and good.

    Today I’m freaking out, ohh shit I dont want to rock to boat, I want to run away, it feels so darn scary to do it. What if I dont manage to say it, what if I just strt to say wrong things in the wrong order, or lose my voice out of panic?

    The other thoughts; am I leaning forward, I’m selfish for wanting to get the feelins out in the open? Do I really have an agenda?

    But right now I kind of jsut want to run away and pretend like I dont have anything to say…and I have learned that the best thing to do it, to do what feels the most scary :/

    So this is my script;

    Me: Hi this is Jenny. How are you?

    He: Hi…I’m fine…(proberly he will be just quite next)

    Me: Do you have the time to listen?

    He: “Yes” ….(or if he says “No” I will just: “Ok, is there any time that will be good for you?”…and take it from there)

    Me: I feel a ashamed. I feel a little afraid, feels scary to think about what I’m about to say. I feel vulnarable.

    He: …ok…or why? or both…

    Me: Do you remember on christmas eve when i said “I feel i want to focus on that woman and see where it leads”

    And that time when i said i dont want to talk about my dates?

    He:….yes..?

    Me: I felt jealous, I dont want to talk about other woman. I wanted all attention to myself. I felt selfish. I felt childish, I felt like a girl in a toystore, screaming after all goodies I wanted. I wanted to talk about me and things we can do togheter.

    He: ,,,ehh ok, nothing I did think of…(or something like this, I know him to well, this will take him by suprice)

    Me: I felt suprice and confused about my feelings. I needed time to think and consider.
    I’m sorry. I didnt dare to say how I felt, I felt too afraid.

    He: ….ehhh ok…its ok (or something…tbh I dont expect much input from him at all during this script, since it is about me :P)

    Me: Thank you for listning, I really appreciate it. It feels good to open up, thou I feel afraid, I feel how I’m trembling, I feel my heart beting so fast, like a bird in a cage.

    He: ehh, well nothing to thank me for.

    Me: I appreciate it 🙂

    …and here a good night talk

    Any input?

    I’m mostly thining now about speeking about the scary feeling in teh begining, course I will feel most panic right there.



  444.  #445lilybelly on January 22, 2012 at 11:39 am

    I told him I loved him and that I believed in him and we just stood there crying and sobbing…bodies shaking.

    The hardest thing I ever have done in my life was to walk out the door.. I felt scared and shaky and unsteady but I did it and while I was feeling all of that, I shared with him how I was feeling.

    I am raw and in pain and the NV’s are tap dancing in my brain…

    I did everything I could do here to be authentic and real and honest….

    …and vulnerable..
    …and open….

    including telling him how I feel about him…

    But..he is hurting…and doesn’t know what he thinks so I have to give him the space he needs to figure it all out..

    …no matter how much it hurts…

    Now…what do I do with my pain…

    I’m feeling it….

    ..crying some more…



  445.  #446mali on January 22, 2012 at 11:39 am

    @ Jenny: Why don’t you allow him to come to you and initiate? 🙂



  446.  #447mali on January 22, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I’ve been receiving a lot of messages from one CD who I haven’t spoken to on the phone as yet… and I’ve been too lazy and busy to reply!

    So today I messaged him back saying, “I don’t like receiving lots of messages from people when I haven’t replied. I’ll get back to you when I’m free”

    He responded saying, “Ok sorry”

    Bleurgh I get triggered by people who continuously message… I feel so pressured!



  447.  #448Jenny on January 22, 2012 at 11:45 am

    443: mali says:

    Course hmmm, I was kind of cold to him last time he came out of the cave

    And, and I’m sick of having those thoughts now, wanting to say them for about 2 weeks now and I want to take advantage of the black moon tomorrow.

    …and I’m sick of waiting…still no contact from him him 3 weeks now, not since I was cold on him. we are talking about a young boy (26) and, argh dammit I’m regeretting I was cold on him, and not being able to say how I was feeling.



  448.  #449Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

    So yesterday, I felt aware of the shift that there is no “feeling too attached.” That it’s all fear-based (therefore not love) and decided that no matter what happens, I can’t fight my feelings and that’s ok. I don’t have to fear being abandoned, because no matter what happens, I still come away with the bonus of healing and that’s all that really matters. I can admit to feeling love for him and the “what ifs” and “where are things going”, simply don’t matter.

    About two hours after I became cognizant of that, he invited me over to hang out with him and the girls. Woohoo! If you ladies don’t believe a man can feel our vibe from afar, and without our saying anything to him, believe it now!

    I feel amazed at how quickly this shift in my awareness changed things. I didn’t even say anything to him about feeling uncomfortable about feeling like I’m part of his “real life”. And he fixed it anyway.

    And as far as the kids not accepting me, there was no reason for fear there, either. I feel like such a star around them. MM was on the phone when I got there and his 14 y.o. came running to answer the door saying, “It’s Sweetpea!!” and gave me a big hug. Then the younger two gave me hugs and started telling me about their Christmas presents. I was literally listening to a sentence a piece from them (at least they’re polite and wait for one to finish talking before the next starts) before the next one started in.

    And round and round we went until MM stepped in and said, “Girls! Back off…” and took me to the kitchen. So sweet!

    Then later in the evening, I ended up going back to the living room and the 11 y.o. asked me “How long have you and my daddy been dating?” I told her, “a few months.” She said, “You guys are gonna get married!” I just giggled at her, it was so cute.

    So… I was as big a hit as the first few times I met them – even the youngest who was a bit shy with me the last time I saw her was talkative and warm. And I’m feeling great about things. This was a big step. I know that Rori says all the stuff between meeting and whatever commitment you’re looking for means nothing. Considering the fact that MM and I have discussed since the beginning that he didn’t want to get the girls involved in a “temporary relationship” though, it feels really huge.

    Yay! 😀 😀 😀



  449.  #450Francesca on January 22, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Lizka #388:

    My man had a pretty long and heavy “sex, drugs & rock’n roll” period in his life. He’s been clean for the last six years. His nose is messed up already. There isn’t much he can do about the snoring himself.

    I have ear plugs, I guess I’ll bring them along next time I go to his house.

    Yes, I’m in Quebec, in the Bois-Francs region. Je suis québécoise pure laine! 😉



  450.  #451mali on January 22, 2012 at 11:53 am

    @ Jenny- 445

    I understand, and part of me would feel bad… and the emotions would be circulating within me too.

    But the thing is, he needs to care enough about the issue and your emotions to ask you about it. Or to call and speak to you.

    If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist, right? We’re Sirens, remember. men fall at our feet! 😉

    He may have sensed you were cold. He may not have.

    But eitherway, allow him to come to you. For one thing, you’ll feel a lot better if he initiates =)



  451.  #452Francesca on January 22, 2012 at 11:53 am

    And it got warmer here, it’s actually comfortable out there. Nice!



  452.  #453Camille on January 22, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Yay Sweetpea!



  453.  #454Luzydel on January 22, 2012 at 11:56 am

    @ 445 jenny; that is why I am a believer of saying what you feel right on the spot. It is totally against RR’s “rules”, but I feel sometimes some sirens give us very passive advice.

    Remember that you will not say anything “wrong” to the Right man. By this I do not mean to insult him or accuse him etc. Just say what you are feeling, if you think it, ask for approval in this blog, you may not say it and then feel pressure on your chest.

    If you are angry, Tell him “I feel angry” look in his eyes and tell him how you feel at that moment. If you wait and rehearse a Feeling message, it will not be authentic and it will not have the same effect. Now I just say it, if I am uncomfortable or feeling anything, I tell the guy feel______ right now. The usually go like “what’s the matter, did I do anything wrong?”
    Then I said not, I just feel this way because, I do not like, or I like etc.
    Nev wait to express your feelings. Feelings cannot be rehearsed, they just come out of nowhere, so you have to be ready to feel them and let them out, It is vulnerable, and scary, but I am doing it and allowing myself to feel whatever I feel without judging me.



  454.  #455Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Flower @ 36,

    I feel sad that you feel that way.

    I have to respectfully disagree, though. This stuff has shifted my life and vibe in a BIG way. Granted, I’ve used all of Rori’s tools as just that – tools, not rules and done what feels best to me in any given situation.

    I feel especially surprised to hear that you felt more secure before finding Rori. I don’t really even know what else to say. It doesn’t feel good to try to convince you to keep using this stuff, but I have to say that, for me – it’s definitely working.

    Sorry you feel discontent.



  455.  #456Jenny on January 22, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    448: mali

    Yes you are right.

    But I have said to him once:

    “I feel I want to focus on this woman now and see where it leads” – – wich was me who didnt dare to say; “Hey now lets talk about us, me, me”

    And I think that made him belive I dont care about him.

    And to make things even worse, when he took contact after that, I was so cold on him…so now he has gone totelly silent.

    Na, he aint anything for me, but I hate when I say wrong things to ppl and I feel sorry for the things I said.

    I kind of did say my emotions right there – but not in an honest way. He have responded very well to my FM before, so ehhh dammit, why didnt I say then how it was.



  456.  #457Femininewoman on January 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    ((((((((((((((Lilybelly))))))))))))))))))

    But I don’t think it is over. It seems to me that your connection opened up a dam that was slammed shut inside him. He is healing now. The fact that he needed someone else to date on Friday seems to me that he needed to get his attention away from you. I believe the more space you give him the more he will resolve his issues. I have a girlfriend who went through something similar with her now husband. He has to deal with his own demons. Give him some time. I know you are in pain but I would not keep in touch until he starts to desperately reach out to you. Let him collapse on himself. He will eventually show you if he is capable to be with you.

    Hugs



  457.  #458mali on January 22, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Luzydel: I agree with you. And I find it extremely difficult to express my feelings on the spot, so I’m trying to simply be honest about my feelings there and then… and it feels scary, but free-ing!

    Jenny: As luzydel said, you can’t say the “wrong” thing to the wrong man… and you are not responsible for his feelings! Remember, you don’t know how he feels.

    You didn’t say or do anything wrong at all, maybe you were not true to yourself, which for all of us, should be the thing we feel the worst about.

    Because we matter more, our feelings are precious. And it’s so important to honour ourselves… that comes number one.

    Riff on here if it helps… I second guess myself, too… but my healing comes first



  458.  #459Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Turquoise @ 48,

    I feel interested about your musings – your wondering if you manifested him by thinking about him.

    I read somewhere, that when we’re thinking of someone, it’s because they’re also thinking of us. Which is why, many times, when we’re thinking of someone, the phone will ring and it’s them on the other line.

    That resonates with me a bit and I’ve often wondered if it’s why sometimes we find ourselves “pining” for a man – we just can’t stop thinking about him. Is it because he can’t stop thinking of us?

    I’ve noticed that the more in touch I get with my feelings and intuition, the more this seems to happen. It’s almost like deja vu.

    That being the case, I think that’s why leaning back is so important. Because when it comes to men, it always feels better to me if they contact me first and then there’s not the danger of them getting used to (and taking for granted), “all I have to do is think about her and she appears”. Why would they put in the effort of contacting us if all they have to do is think about us?

    Does that make sense?



  459.  #460Zara on January 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Turquoise

    Thank you for your graceful feed back.
    I would love for you to see your dream come true. I see the possibility of it coming through your posts. It feels exciting. And you have all the time in the world.

    I don’t feel like the baby-sitter either. I know what you mean.
    I referred to the practical situation, not the mother’s feelings. For example, when the law asks the father to care 50% his time with the children, to be even with the mother who needs to work as well, yet most fathers can’t give the exact 50% of attention time. They get in trouble at work or pay so much a baby-sitter, and yet they still feel limited by the schedules, that’s when they realize the value of the mother’s time when she was their wife. (or the father in the cases where things are the way around, as it does happen, but here I am thinking “mother”)
    I am thinking there was something in Rori’s work similar to the unfairness I was referring to. One of her client said she had been faithfully working on the house and the family for years, and out of the blue, her husband asked her to get out and get a job. She said “yes but then I don’t work in the house by myself anymore, we share that too if you want me to help with the income. How much work at home are you willing to do?” (something like that) and he said “none” and she showed him how much it would cost if he had to pay her or an employee for the work she was doing at home. He said “no”. Well their thing ended baldly, needless to say.

    Anyway, I feel even more now, after reading your answer to me, that in your case, it is worth trusting and giving time to time. You’re going somewhere, don’t change direction nor speed 🙂



  460.  #461Femininewoman on January 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    RE 436 Luzydel I believe what he is going throuh is normal. He is experiencing doubts and if you can find it in yourself to let him know that he is right, it is best to deal with them now. Also you get the opportunity to look at him to see if he is what you want in your life while keeping your other options open. If I were you I would lean way back and do nothing until he contacts you. Let him do the stepping forward to you and when he does you will be ready because you are practicing to be what he needs you to be with other men. I believe this can work out if you lean back. He seems to be going through his emotional process.



  461.  #462Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Lillybelly:

    Just don’t give up on yourself.

    As you said, he needs space to figure things out.

    I would say definitely don’t contact him. He needs to feel what it is like to miss you.

    Some men really need that. They need that feeling of lack to be sure that they are making the right decision.

    And if he doesn’t figure it out, then thank goodness he’s gone now before things got any deeper.

    And you got a taste of what’s to come. Maybe he was a messenger to help you open your heart.

    Maybe someone even better for you will come along.

    Maybe things will turn around with him.

    Who knows? The universe is ripe with possibilities!

    Lately my prayer to the universe has been “please bring me this or something better”.

    I wish I was there to blot your tears and give you a great big hug.



  462.  #463Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    @ 456,

    Haha! That made me think of the fact that last summer, I was telling my friend, “I want a man who’s a magician; someone who MAKES things happen.”

    And poof! I’ve manifested a magician! Whoopee! All I have to do is want it, and he makes it happen. I don’t even have to ask.

    Thank you Universe, for bringing me a magician!!

    Even funnier, that’s one of the traits that I love about my dad. He makes life happen – he doesn’t just let it steamroll over him.

    It feels sooo incredibly good – I can’t even find the words – to be able to appreciate that quality in a man and not feel all freaked out because “OMG!!! He’s just like my dad. And now I have to run away because I don’t want to re-create a relationship like that in my life!” I feel awed beyond words!

    Yay!!! For healing!!!



  463.  #464Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    454 FW and Lillybelly

    agreed!



  464.  #465Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Turquoise @ 67,

    Yay!!! That felt awe-inspiring to read!

    Again I say, Yay!!!!



  465.  #466Femininewoman on January 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Starla if thiswill help you I just got back from shopping. I bought thepair of boots that I have been wanting to buy since last year. You live once.



  466.  #467Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Yay for healing, Sweetpea!



  467.  #468Luzydel on January 22, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    @ FM

    Yes I will do just that, I am talking to 2 potential CD’s right now and I will let him make his own mind. Sometimes I feel so scared, Like I am holding a handle that I cannot let go. But I have to let it go, I have no doubts about commitment, I am ready for it, I want it, but I guess he is at a different page. he has to reach me, I cannot stop and wait. I did leaned back, before, ready to move one and he came back, he said he doesn’t want to leave again, but that he feels confused. So there is not much I can do fro him, but to let him be and me keep on working in my goal to get the committed relationship I want.



  468.  #469Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    465: Luzydel

    I agree with your attitude. All you can do is stay committed to the relationship you want.



  469.  #470Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Francesca –

    Hey salut! Moi aussi je suis une vraie québécoise. Montréal 🙂

    Same thing with DjCD. As you can guess with his name, he was in the underground raves industry… Pretty f*cked up nose too… Plus all the alcohol plus he’s a little bit overweight… The stripes were not working perfectly good, but still helped.

    Hey, we have a lot in common!! 🙂



  470.  #471Zara on January 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    442: (((lilybelly)))

    I am so sorry you have to go through pain. Yet it is one less obstacle to go before the relationship you want. It is difficult to feel it now, but you are getting closer.
    I feel admirative at how you kept focus on your feelings and you chose your words in the middle of so much pain. He can’t but remember love when he remembers you, and dignity and warmth.

    God will say, but you wonderful did your part.



  471.  #472Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Grrrr, I’m feeling frustrated with this friend of mine.

    She texts and calls me so much and I’m not much of a phone person and then she gets mad when I don’t respond.

    But she needs much more contact than I do. And honestly I feel drained when I am around her because she always has these personal dramas going on and that’s what we talk about rather than just having fun.

    And when she comes over, she stays for sooooo long.

    And I like her but I don’t want to talk and hang out all the time.

    I just don’t want to.

    And now she texted sweetie complaining that I never respond to her.

    Errgggg, I feel frustrated!

    I’m just not the kind of friend that wants to hang out all the time.

    Never have been.

    I need to find some resolution with this because it is really stressing me out.



  472.  #473Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Daria @ 101,

    That felt cool and interesting to read. What a great way to express gratitude.

    I think I’ll start doing that myself.



  473.  #474Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    The truth is I don’t feel a balance in the situation. It’s always about her needs, either me listening to her problems or her needing a place to stay or wanting something from me.

    grrrrrrrr



  474.  #475Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Luzydel –

    I wouldn’t be too worried if I was you. He seems to like you more than he’s afraid and everything else. I think it’s time to get your siren arsenal!!



  475.  #476Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    LG @ 166,

    I felt all “awww. Oh no!” when I read that.

    I feel bad for your poor new rug. That felt funny to write – I feel bad about your new rug! Sorry and I hope you’re feeling better now.



  476.  #477Jenny on January 22, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    455: mali

    Yes exaclty, I feel horrible for not being honest with myself. I’m feeling angry for myself for it. I feel sad for not being brave enough, I feel sad for not giving myself more trust.
    I regret not being more brave and honest with this guy, who have shown he care. And from being a warm and open siren, I suddenly shot down to him – out of my own fear.
    I feel angry at myself. I feel sad…why do I keep doing the same misstake over and over? I’m such goddess siren as long as I dont have deeper feelings for the mens.

    I feel heartbroken, why I’m so afraid of being vulnarable? I feels like one step forward, then 2 step back. Now I’m feeling angry for feeling angry…. I feel so sorry for not being honest with myself.

    I feel afraid that I push men away from bot staying wamr and open all the time – I want to heal that, I want to open up and say it to the guy . . just

    “I’m sorry for not being brave enough to be warm and open to you, I care about you and my feeling scares the hell out of me. Its nothing you have done, it aint your fault, you are a good guy, who just run into a woman who is trying to find her heart and herself”

    yikkess NV all over the place: “Whats wrong with me? Why I’m so mean to myself? Why does I keep making ppl around me confused? Why is it so hard stay open and vulnarble when I start to like a man?
    And now I feel afraid; Will I never be able to do it? Will I allways keep pushing men away out of fear?
    Crying like mad…I want to heal it, fix it, I dont want this fear anymore

    I feel a pressure over my forhead..why does I feel it there? I almost allways feel a thight band over my forhead when I cry… I wonder why.



  477.  #478Sweetpea on January 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Uh oh! 166 is the wrong number…

    I feel curious to know what happened there. Hmmm.

    It’s 116 – I was feeling optimistic, apparently about catching up on here! :s



  478.  #479VW on January 22, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Lilybelly:

    Sooo sad to hear you are hurting…:(
    As painful as this is right now…it is right now…and that is it! it’s not tomorrow…tomorrow, is another day!

    the experience has the power to get you closer to what you want…walls are down…heart is open…

    things will get easier from now on…and that I believe for u…hope you will to!

    (((((warm hugs)))))



  479.  #480Laughing Goddess on January 22, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Awww, thanks Sweetpea. I did feel sad about the rug. It’s wool and I don’t think it supposed to get wet. Right now I have it propped up on this frame type of thing so that it will dry. We’ll see what happens. 🙂



  480.  #481Lizka on January 22, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    So I’m back from my 6.5Km run. It felt amaaaazing! The weather got better and I wasn’t freezing at all. I ran in the park and it felt really hard cause there was a lot of snow. There was dogs in the dog park and it felt fun to run next to them and to the skaters too. I felt inspired. I want to go skate there. It’s really not far from my place and there’s a bus if I don’t want to walk. This could be a great exercise to do when I’m not running. And during my race, I felt so good. My thoughts got so clear (like every time I run), I guess it’s the endorphins. I was thinking of P and feeling hopeful again and so sireny. Like “it’s impossible that he is not thinking of me right now, he must be like why isn’t she caling, she use to call me all the time in the past”. Hehe. I feel good and secure now about this. I hope I will not have other doubtful days like yesterday.

    Came back home and did the rest of my workout and now I’m eating a low fat yoghurt with raspberry and maple sirop. Miam.

    I think I will vacuum tomorrow after work only. I wan